#but after 4 hours of crying i made it

[till-you-scream-and-cry]

me complaining, keep scrolling

#ok so I've got this assignment #and the professor who shall remain nameless #skipped and cancelled so many classes #that with having absolutely no knowledge #everyone had to write 10 pages of basically black magic #although i probably know more about black magic #so yeah #if he says it sucks #imma peg him with that paper #rolled nicely #just #dude fuck off you forgot to do your job forst #some people should never fucking teach #but after 4 hours of crying i made it #does it sucks? probably #do i care? not anymore #uni broke me if anyone asks #edit: #i hope the grammar and not only explains how dead my brain is rn

[sufroyo]

i played p4g for the first time ^_^

#froyoscribbles #persona #persona 4 #p4 #yu narukami #id in alt text #made me cry like crazy i cant wait to replay after i get through the next 300 hours of the other games.......🥹

[astranauticus]

Do mechanites cry?

#rolling with difficulty #vrla rwd #mrsn rwd #vr la rwd #mr sn rwd #art i made #yet another thing i drew then just fully forgot to post LMAO #man i had to listen to 3.7 like 3 times for this. goddammit #easter egg: the 4 big infernal books in the shelf all say contract law like its a textbook series i guess #the small one next to them says Doctor Faustus bc i was looking to my irl bookcase for inspiration #and the christopher marlowe play was one of my alevel lit texts #also i think it would be really funny if the devils have their own version of the story of the deal with the devil guy #honestly this may have been the kinda. last straw of my burnout cuz this was a lot of time spent on a lot of stuff im really not good at #and none of it turned out... exactly how i wanted but oh well. it is what it is #ok the kinda annoying thing about me spending far too fucking long drawing super emotional scenes like this is i kinda #desensitise myself to whatever im drawing. like i felt it the most with the demon possession comic i casually tossed into the discord #bc thats the exact kinda angst i personally LOVE but it just doesnt have the same punch after ive been staring at it for 5 hours straight #(anyway go read cal's fic about it its on ao3 and its bloody good) #all this to say. when i first listened to 3.7 and austin had that exchange of like #'noir can i ask you a lore question' 'sure..?' 'do mechanites cry?' #i straight up got fuckin CHILLS. and sometimes i forget that but i try to force myself not to

[magratpudifoot]

Anytime someone wants to come up with a pill that cures rejection sensitive dysphoria without also fucking with my ability to think coherent thoughts, I've got a couple of people I need to have frank conversations with.

#someone made a couple of comments that they should have realized would be hurtful #and i am well aware that not explaining how hurtful the comments were is only going to make things worse in the future #but i am so tired and so tired of crying #and this week is going to be a stressful shitshow #so it would be cool if i just didn't have to have a big emotional conflict about why i really don't need snarky comments about my sleep #when we all know i have insomnia and a naturally nocturnal cycle and write best after 2AM #but that my day job requires me to be at work by 8:30 and my driver's license can be revoked if i sleep less than 4 hours #so sleep is a constant stressful struggle and i have pretty much entirely given up on writing

[dazais-guardian-angel]

went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠

#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years #not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion #so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all #but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all. #it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid) #and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable. #but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him #i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted #and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried......... #the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms #i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still #and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :))))) #insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case #i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!) #but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man. #it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/ #why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly??? #while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING??? #if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now #but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃 #shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience #and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over #he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday #and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now. #i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again.. #i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh #(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh) #at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*

[astrxealis]

me and the besties are making an organization together! idk if any of my mutuals/friends here could join but maybe (if you're around our age range of being around high school/college i think) if you're filipino :] or know any of us irl uhh yeah. ANYWAY. small update. i've tried making my dear darling in bg3 character customization and i adore him i wil share him soon <33 but gods i am so busy w school aaaghhh

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #it's been really fun so far (school) but also quite stressful (mostly in relation to quizzes & socializing & college upcoming. generally.) #i've made friends thru dnd/bg3! made friends from friends! say hi a lot to a lot of ppl i know! made friends in my classroom! etc! #and i've still been playing ffxiv sometimes and getting into bg3 and writing in my free time and even reading as well #so life is good #it's a mix of up and downs and: it's good <33 #idk just a little life update #i'm sick again rn can you believe it !! i will need to head to sleep soon since i'll be waking in around 3/4 hours agh #but dw lol i always get sick and then better soon after <3 90% of the time ..... yeah....... #anyway :P fun fun fun. stupid. crazy. crying. good gods i HATE my nose <//3

[mymp3]

oh btw p3 update, i think im a little over half ways through.

#50 hours #just got past 10/4 #so. #ive been kind of mulling over everything a bit #im not gonna lie it made me cry #even though i called it and was nearly confident it would happen #it still made me cry and i think thats incredibly impressive #bc ive been very rough on the expierence of playing so far #but i think i really do enjoy it(?) #akihiko、mitsuru、shinjiro、ken、aigis and minato all mean a lot to me #but heres my in game thoughts (w/o spoilers. look up the date if u wanna know what im talking abt and dont know already) #sees is so incredibly evil in the way they operate #i know this isnt the intention the game is presenting #but also this whole thing is fucked up #so fucked up #and we're marching towards our deaths because we have to #literal child soliders. #and dont get me started on ken #im gonna throw up im so scared for minato #pharos visited after 10/4 and we got a very large infodump which im thankful for. i like when he actually talks abt story stuff. #and i cant help but fear that this game is not actually 100 hours #my deepest fear is that i really am as close to the end as i think #and it ends in tradgedy. #well. thats all my thoughts for now、I'll update when ive got more significant stuff. o7 #mikutimetalk

[devotedlystrangewizard]

the corpse of king minos is very fucking big and Scary but you can parry his punches pretty easily and thats the easiest way i can explain how good ultrakill feels

#but even when the game is actually hard and kills me several times i dont feel like quitting? #i turn it off after 2 - 3 missions because thats the amount of time it takes for my body so get so Over Excited it stops aiming right #but i havent actually felt like ragequitti g #because the game just feels so good #i can ramble about how good ultrakill feels for HOURS bro #ramblings #switching between guns. the variants. coin tossing never gets old. accidentally exploding yourself with your own shotgun #fucking. SOUND EFFECTS #that too like when you parry. that sound?? makes my autism happy #THE SLIDING SOUND AOUGH #the fact that it does sound like ur made of metal but not in a bad screechy way that makes me want to cry #in a world where realistic movement physics are the norm having this much control. god #the witcher 3 is one of my favorite games ever. just as an example. but i DREAD playing that again knowing how walking around feels #yes sometimes in ultrakill you overshoot something because youre Fast but thats also just me needing to stand perfectly right for terminals #'look we have realistic physics' ok COOL BUT ARE THEY ACTUALLY FUN TO PLAY WITH #hyperrealism is impressive in videogaming YES but its also led to this monolith. in triple a #i do want to give credit where its due once i got used to the destiny warlock jumps (blink especially) that game felt really good too #but ultrakill doesnt force me to socialize and has a much more pleasant community so im fine where i am rn. actually #ive done all totk dungeons (I THINK) except for the final chasm and let me tell you. i dont want to fight any of those bosses ever again #why js that relevant? ive already beaten 1-4 twice and will probably go for my second 3-2 run tomorrow. THIS GAME. BOSSES. AAAAAAA #i love totk but those bosses were a fucking nightmare #thats gonna be a separate post

[caffeinated-bibliophile]

I'm still crying 😠

#this is the kind of blow that would have made me actively suicidal a few years ago and yes i realize how stupid that is #as things are now... I'm not coping *well* but I'm managing to hold onto anger so the depression doesn't totally take over #but i can not stop crying #every time i think I'm finally done it starts up again #this has also pushed my anxiety to the point where i feel like I'm going to pass out throw up or both and i can't stop shaking #audiobooks with my noise canceling headphones were my best/only semi-effective tool for dealing with anxiety #and yes i know. reading is a privilege and i should just be grateful that books are available in my country & that we have libraries at all #this year has been one thing after another and even small things like this pile up and eventually become overwhelming #and this happening as my seasonal depression is really ramping up was just the fucking cherry on top i guess #i almost just. deleted this blog lmao. what's the point of having a book blog when i can't really read right? #but i keep telling myself nothing lasts forever and i will regret it if i throw away an 8 year old side blog #but even looking at books is making me feel even more nauseous and shaky right now #so i might be on hiatus after my queue runs out idk #depends on how long this churning pit of despair lasts i guess #and also. this happened at a holiday weekend all i can't even make a 1-2 hour drive to a library to renew or get a new card #because libraries around here close between 4 & 6PM most days and i can't get to one after my partner gets home from work before they close #everything about this situation is like. worst timing.

[liinos]

i didn't watch the girls season so idk if it went to shit then but it's so crazy seeing the difference between qcyn1 and qcyn3 like i don't know what the fuck they were doing for qcyn3 but that might be one of the worst structured shows ive ever seen

#everyone shitting on chuang2021 sorry it was better like i watched both and i could barely get through qcyn #why was it SO fucking long nothing was even happening half the time!!!!!! also wasn't a huge fan of the fact that they were really #leaning into the whole let's film this trainee actively crying and trying to hide from the cameras :) and were using shots of people crying #as like a way to entice people to keep watching that shit was so :| #but also just the way they did stages and how only some people performed and everything was just so..... bad sorry #that show had no reason to regularly have 4+ hour eps like i would have cut out so much of it bc it wasn't even like. lets get to know #the trainees better it was just superfluous scenes that made it so focking longggg #if huaiwei wasnt on that show i would have given up after the first 2 eps im not even kidding like it was So Bad

[emdotcom]

I understand all these posts with the angle of "OMG new users don't know how the reblog system works -- we have to tell them so they'll reblog art!" Bc that IS true! I have seen new accounts roll up with 0 reblogs & just likes.

But, also, you cannot fucking pretend that the reblog/likes ratio has not been on a massive fucking decline for literal years before this. It is not just new users suddenly not reblogging -- it is a massive shift in how the Tumblr populace itself regards & interacts with art & artist.

& as an artist, there is very little you can do.

#gale chatter #eh actually yeah there is one thing you can do -- you either post exclusively popular fandom content or intentionally miss or over tag #but after that you just. try to color all your art in try to post digital try to post at the right times #but really how much does that affect notes? do gou get one or two extra? ten? #& how many of those notes are likes #there's a laugh rule for posts i wish there were an appreciation rule for art #if you are in any way impressed moved or want to see more art you need to reblog it. this is not optional. #girl i am hashtag artist struggles right now fuck #NOT to complain i get good notes on that art post & all my friends & homies rolled up to rb #that's a good amount of reblogs for me that's like 7 rbs & 4 of them had really nice tags that's good interaction #i just. kinda miss when a post would have so many reblogs i would lose track. i couldn't have told you how many notes i got #when i was in highschool posting batim fanart. the number was too big to me. looking back i know 200 notes doesn't mean much #but for me? for all the art I've made? shit I've spent hours or weeks on? vs me making a silly animation in about an hour? #the difference is about 190 notes. & that's a damn shame & discouraging. #it makes me think the only way to get notes is to post for big fandoms & that sucks bc i don't like to dance that dance anymore #idk. maybe i move to da or something. #how many other artists do you think go through this? spend hours on something & not get enough interaction #so they decide to pack up shop & go somewhere else #& the only way their art is ever gonna geace tumblr again is by reposters & art thiefs #or maybe they just never post art again period. & ain't that a damn crying shame.

[eethend]

"this edible ain't shit-"

"the shaws customers were sent by god to teach me a lesson."

#i wasn't even that high either I just made the mistake of having a whole coffee in 10 minutes #paranoid as hell on company time #i ended up making myself puke and cry a little and my manager sent me home #is that morally wrong bc she felt really bad for me but in reality i was just stoned and puked myself into feeling better again #420 #cw smoking #cw weed #eethend speaks #those customers were testing me tho #one of them touched me??? #don't eat a whole ton of edibles the night before you have work it might just still be in ur system after only 4 hours of sleep........... #txt

[morningmask27]

last night i had a moment of pure misery, that made all the isues that were stacking up in me explode (mostly because i was too tired and had done one thing i shouldn’t have). At least it made thigs very clear and now i properly know what i’m dealing with

#Morningtalks #i even cried which is very special because i rarely cry #emotional moment after a one hour nap after which i tried to fall asleep again but couldn't because my brain wouldn't SHUT UP #so i thought and had to write shit down #it became a vague but exact description of everything that had led to the nonsense that made shit so wrong and then from that #i wrote down every observation i had done because of that moment #5 pages long. ends with a poetic shit because that's ho i described it in my head at first #and then i went to talk with my mother and we talked a lot and i explained what my problems were and we talked about them #and i managed to asses that ADHD is a pain in the fucking ass for me twice in that conversation #and then i was somewhat more at peace and managed to sleep properly afterwards #or at least as properly as i can because i still woke up 4 times during the night at elast #so yeah a night

[somelazyassartist]

.

#i should've made it clearer from the beginning that it wasn't anyone else it was just me and my own stuff freaking me out #I'm sorry if it wasn't very clear #and I'm sorry if i won't be awake much longer #i got 4 hours of sleep and then was awake for 19 incredibly stressful ones #again not related to anyone here just family and personal stuff #and after crying that hard I'm just ready to sleep #i'm so tired #I'm so incredibly tired #vent

[eversncenewyork]

& more!

#saw T again last night #doomsday is the 20th but we talk abt it every time now ofc #i told him my parting advice is to learn to use the word ‘pretty’ to ever make a woman happy #and so ofc he then called me pretty several times but mostly in a joking sweet way #but then today he texted me like 4 hours after our previous exchange #and said ‘just dropping by to say how pretty i think you are’ #and then ‘going to [band] practice! catch you later’ #and i would love to say i felt normally about it #but i sat right down on the floor to cry #and i hurt my butt bone when i got down there so then i laid face down on the hardwood #and cried and reabsorbed it like spongebob #and had a half eaten peanut butter cup in my hand #my friend took a picture it was funny i was laughing between sobs #like that’s the text i have wanted all of his other texts to be for 1.75 years #and not only that #but he held me sooooo good last night #idk how this man had a 3 year relationship without ever cuddling on his side but i made him hold me with like my face in his chest #and then he actually liked it #and so we did that for like an hour #and normally the sex is the main event of the night but i could tell that it was the holding for both of us #and the lack physical intimacy and compliments are two of my biggest reasons to end this #so i’m just feeling happy but really confused and frustrated that he’s doing this with 9 days left

[a-dark-dark-wood]

me yesterday: trains are so much nicer than planes if i could take the train everywhere i would never fly again

me tonight, fresh off of spending 7+ hours trapped in a cramped boiling hot metal tube with broken air conditioning: are you fucking sure about that

#i'm so tired #it was 100 goddamn degrees in the city where i got on the train #do you know how close i came to crying after i moved to a car where the ac worked #after 4 fucking hours of hellish heat #and then an hour and a half later the ac in the new car started to go #but i made it #in an air conditioned hotel room now wolfing down my second actual meal of the day at 11pm #here's hoping the ice pack i had this chicken noodle salad on kept it cold enough #but train stations still suck less than airports