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#ugh im sad don't pay attention to me

prishdish · 4 months

Text

˖˚˳⊹"i really do love you.. im sorry"˖˚˳⊹

-warnings: Angst, depress!on, su!c!dal thoughts, detachment, scars, body dysmorphia, disassociation, not proofread, chubby reader. -chars mentioned: Scaramouche -wc: 0.6k -a/n: i dont even know what to say.. Um this is .. something.. enjoy?

masterlist

as someone who felt every emotion more intense than others, it also meant feeling more sad. it should've been fine but you simply couldn't feel happy.. you have friends and family but still felt so lonely..

“helloooo” scaramouche waved his hand infront of your face to get your attention.

Suddenly looking up, you see him frowning at you. “what’re you thinking so hard about.. do you not wanna watch the movie?”

“sorry.. i just spaced out” you said embarrassed.. “just continue the movie, ill pay attention this time”.. Scara simply muttered a small ‘fine’ and resumed it.

Scaramouche is your best friend, the one you share everything with. But.. he could never understand the depth of your emotions.. The void you feel inside.. The aching loneliness that consumes you at every moment.

“Yes lets go to the beach!! itll be perf....”

“ooh i just bought a new bikini…..”

“wont it be too sunny? ill get tanne….”

you drowned out their conversation and thought of excuses to skip… you had no other choice.. a bikini wouldn't cover your scars, stretch marks or tummy fat.. it would be on display for everyone to see your insecurities and then they'd hate you.

“guys im sorry but i have to study this weekend.. exams are close”

“again? but didnt you say the same last week…”

“oh come on! itll be so fun…”

“ugh she does the same everytime…”

Ofcourse they wouldn't understand.. They had the perfect body..

The words were blurred as you tried to read them.. Nothing made sense to you anymore.. Your exams were near and you have to study but the words together don't make sense anymore..

Sighing, you went to splash some water on your face to wake yourself up. Looking up into the mirror, you saw failure.. Someone who cant study.. Someone who wouldnt be able to make a living..

You sat back down at your desk.. You can study and change your future right? its just a book..

But.. you cant make yourself read the words anymore.. you felt so tired..

Why cant you also be like others?.. Everyone else is so successful and perfect.. They have good grades, perfect body and happy lives..

You sat on the edge of the roof.. This used to be your hang out spot with Scara but eventually you both stopped meeting there.

“where the fuc- YOURE HERE?” Scara dramatically sighed, huffing. “Ive been searching all over for you. Come on, ive made dinner.. you have to eat something”

You chucked softly at his caring nature and nodded silently.. “Scara?” he was about to leave but turned back to look at you “yeah?”

“I love you”

He chuckled in confusion “yeah yeah i get it, i love you too. no need to get all sentimental with me, its just dinner.”

You turned back to the sky once he left. He probably went to your kitchen to fill a plate for you..

You smiled at the thought. He was the best person you could've asked for..

And it hurts. He cared for you so much but you couldn't appreciate it..

Leaving never had to be this painful.. But a tear fell down and you closed your eyes, recounting your memories..

There were so many happy moments you never got to enjoy.. Sad moments you stayed numb.. And the huge gap in your memory.. and nobody knew how you felt because you never let them.

‘Im so tired… Im so tired..” You looked at your feet, dangling off the roof.. ‘i hate this .. i dont wanna do this.. but theres nothing else to be done’

You took a deep breath in.. “i really do love you.. im sorry”...

…..

tags: @rubywonu @stygianoir @unsavoy-melon @kashiiwi @babbledabble25

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dotster001 · 6 days

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i was gonna make this a comment but smthn told me this was gonna be long.

SORRY FOR THE LONG-NESS OF THIS ASK

BUT DOT- THINK ABOUT YAN DILF JADE.

who knows if his ex wife was murdered or not, oh well! 🤭 best not to dwell on it because it makes the twins sad :(

see? (🧍🏻🧍🏻)

…anyways

but here me out (this is me going coco bananas. full on psycho mode) maybe the first time he saw you was at a RANDOM party that a friend of yours hosted.

blah blah mutual friend of a friend and that long friend family tree stuff

but maybe you slithered away to the dog, or were tasked with helping a baby (more like someone threw the baby at you in order to dance)

or you’re with the other room for the children that the party provides (this is like a really rich friend. like mega mansion. crazy rich asians kinda thing)

but ugh he’s there with his dreadful beautiful wife and his wonderful children. and his wife is already leaving to grab a drink and he thinks their children shouldn’t get a glimpse at whatever tom-foolery parties like these will lead to.

so in they go! (maybe this was years ago when they’re toddlers)

but then he sees you swarmed with babies. the nanny took a break and left you in charge and you’re fighting back babies with one of those roll-pop lawn mowers-

ARGHHH ONE JUST SPAT ON THE END OF YOUR RENTAL DRESS DAMNIT.

jade is utterly beside himself with laughter, amusement, and everything of the sorts and creates flirty small talk. and oh?? what's this? his wonderful bundles of joy seem to have found a liking to you? how precious (they’re clawing and climbing you like a jungle gym) jade takes a note of that!

they don't even like their mother that much , simply tolerating her. but jade can tell that his kids got good taste!

he lowkey interviews reader (without them know oops!!) and while yes, their beauty was what drove his interest, second being their personality (you have to be attracted to someone to give them a chance!)

and the twins were the cherry on top!

and conveniently you say where you work (rookie mistake) while he tells you he’s a humble business man… don’t ask what for tho cause that’s a super family secret 🤭

but he's planning and scheming and charming his way into your life and he’s in it for the long run because eels are patient. it just sucks that jade is even more patient, like a saint if you would

^^accurate depiction of saint jade

^^and this is jade when he gets questioned for his wife’s uh oh 🤷🏻🤷🏻

maybe she drank too much at a party and fell over the side.

maybe there was a targeted hit meant for jade but they got the wrong one.

maybe a classic batman scenario but jade survived and is throughly traumatized (same with his kids, i mean look at them!!🧍🏻🧍🏻 they’re so torn up that it just breaks his heart😿)

but he’s making chance encounters rather… commonly. (he had reader stalked for a good few years as he was planning everything. just to make sure he likes them& they keep it interesting.)

just... some thoughts about dilf jade leech and his hell spawns hehe (when the trio visited your work they managed to leave your section alone... so it looks like you were in the eye of the hurricane)

im gonna read your other stuff about dilf jade now because AHHHH

Angry at my boss, so I decided to see if there was anything in my inbox to cheer me up. Woo hoo!

In reference to this

Cw: light Yan!, implied stalking, Jade's a freak but if you don't already know that then you aren't paying attention

I can only imagine that, after the party, since you interacted with so many kids and parents that night, they all kind of blurred together. And it's not until, after he visits your place of work, and you chat over text for a while, and you have a real date, then invites you back home for an after date drink, do you start to remember. And that's only because the twins are scamps and stayed up past their bedtimes, and they are staring at you with eyes you remember.

Obviously, you are gonna chalk it up to a coincidence. "Oh my god! You know so-and-so, right? I think I met you at a party a few years ago!" He laughs, and plays along, oh my god,.yeah what a really good coincidence.

Meanwhile, the twins share a look, because Dad has talked about you every day since Mom died, so they know he's lying. Hell, when you aren't here, they already call you mama/papa. But, they are their father's kids, so they are never going to say anything.

One date turns to two turns to three, turns to a year of dating. It's time to meet the family. You know Jade has a twin, but they've taken different paths in life.

So when Dilf Floyd Trudges up the driveway with his six adopted kids, four of whom are sprinting around the house and lawn and destroying Jade's home, two of whom are under Floyd's arms like suitcases, you're in for a culture shock.

When you first meet him, he seems incredibly grumpy. He's got salt and pepper stubble, the baggiest outfit, though you get the feeling it's designer, no matter how slouchy it is, his hair is slicked back, making the grey streaks look neat against his otherwise messy look.

He tosses the kids and yells at them to go play with their cousins, then he rudely shoves past you. Jade stops him with a hand on his shoulder that appears gentle, but if you had felt the full force of it, you'd have landed on your ass. He hissed at Floyd, through a smile, to greet his new fiance. There's a tense moment where they stare at each other, then Floyd storms over to you, and presses a ticklish kiss to your cheek, before muttering, "Welcome to the family," then storming to his room and locking himself in for the night.

The next day it's like he's a different person. He makes breakfast for you and excitedly asks you about yourself, wanting to know everything about his future sibling. Eventually he pours you a glass of what you know is Jade's most expensive wine, which he has been saving for a special occasion, and you finally get the courage to ask about the night before, and he laughs and says he was tired from the trip. Wrangling six kids on an airplane is exhausting, you know?

You decide to ask him about little Jade, and Floyd's stories of childhood charm you so much that you don't notice Jade's brooding presence.

Not that Floyd minds. Yeah, he got off to a rough start with you, but he gets why Jade likes you. And Jade only has two parentless kids, he has six. So his kids need you more than Jade's do, right?

Will the dad's eventually drag the kids into this fight? Absolutely. Those kids have Mafia parents, they have plenty of acting training. They will be pulling those heartstrings of yours 😊

#just some thoughts #fun with moots #yandere twisted wonderland #dilf jade leech #dilf floyd leech #jade leech x reader

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arim02 · 8 months

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Manifesting with abandonment issues

(I realized that I had to tackle my triggers that stem from abandonment issues in order to feel at ease with myself in relationships and feeling ok receiving love/things that I didn't work for)

So I made up this lil practice:

First of all, I realized that most of my wounds stem from childhood, so I started seeing myself as little me, a child. Every time I felt triggered, I remembered that the one who's actually feeling triggered is little me. That made it easier for me to have compassion for myself instead of getting mad over my emotions.

I realized that I was seeking unconditional love, safety, consistency, appreciation, tenderness, understanding, etc... outside of myself. I know you've heard this at least once, but you gotta give yourself that which you seek from others. So that's what I started doing. How??? You may ask...

- Imma give you a real example from things that trigger me: Let's say I made some plans with a guy to meet up on the weekend. The day comes and BOOM, he texts me that he won't be able to make it and gives me a lame excuse or whatever. This is what I would do.

1) Acknowledge my emotions and FEEL them. Don't feel stupid for getting sad or angry, it's ok. 2) I talk to myself with love and compassion. I realized that sometimes I want other people to talk to me tenderly and support me unconditionally but I don't even do that for myself. So I started doing it. (During this practice I try my best to feel what im saying, not just do it like some type of homework)

EVERY TIME I felt abandoned: I would tell myself "Hey, Im here for you always, I will never abandon you. I lit can't even do that if I tried. You are me and I am you. We're bound together"

EVERY TIME I felt unappreciated: I would tell myself "Well you know what? I wouldn't pay attention to them because I think you're pretty cool for doing that or saying that" or "Who even are they? They do not matter cause they lame af and stupid. You, on the other hand... you're awesome and talented and kind and sweet, like pls"

EVERY TIME I felt like nobody cared for me: I would tell myself "Um hello? I'm still here. I exist and I'm somebody. So it would be a lie to think that nobody cares for you."

EVERY TIME I was obsessing over romantic love: I would tell myself "Ugh I know you want that so bad but I want you to turn your focus back on yourself. It is ok to want to feel love romantically but we should start looking at love in a healthy way and not as a fix to the craving you feel right now ok? Remember that I love you" (I would repeat I love you as many times as I needed until I felt fulfilled)

I hope you get what I'm saying, I actually tried to speak to myself as I would to my friends. Im usually kind, supportive and loving to others so I decided to give that to myself.

Do it consistently, build that relationship with yourself. It will make that emptiness go away, you will value yourself more which will result in seeing yourself in higher regard.

This is not for everyone, and it is NOT A TECHNIQUE FOR MANIFESTING. I just wanted to share what has been working for me and hope it helps anyone out there.

Alrighty, take care. Besitos💕🕉️

#edward art #law of assumption #loa #manifesting #neville goddard #loa tumblr #manifestation #affirm and persist #loassumption #manifesation #states of consciousness

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misson-impossible · 2 years

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Vampire! Mikey Way x Reader -pt 2-

⚠️Warnings⚠️ None

Again, takes place in a school

Mind my tenses assume it's present unless otherwise noted

Also mind my errors

Trying to keep it gender neutral

Part 2 out of idk

Approximately 1,024 words

I go home and sit at my desk. There's nothing to really do now. I pick up my phone and just stare at it. Wow my life is pretty sad. I go and get something to eat. I sit in silence. The guy fills my thoughts. I really need to get a life. I can't figure out if it's attraction or curiosity that makes me so interested in him. I go take a shower, of course he's still in my head. Why? Am I turning into a stalker? Not yet anyway. I finish my shower and change. He intrudes on my mind. Ugh. I lay on my bed looking up at the ceiling "You suck." I mumble to myself. I start to drift to sleep and my phone goes off. I look, it's Gerard. I groan and look

"lunch tommorow sit with me and the guys👍" I groan. I really don't want to sit in the cafeteria

"Says who" I respond.

"I, Gerard Arthur Way"

"🙄"

"Its settled your going to sit with us in the cafeteria or im gonna find ur ass"

"To be determind"

"And ur gonna eat"

"Nope"

"Why"

"Because"

" :/ "

"I don't have to eat"

"We'll deal with that tommorow"

"Sure...."

"Night [Y/N]"

"Night"

I put my phone on my Night stand. Tomorrow doesn't have to come right? Usually I'm ready for another day to redeem my not so graceful self but now I'm dreading it. I lay down. I was about to do something to prolong night but I ended up fall asleep before I could.

~Next day mid day~

Wow when I don't want something to happen the day goes unusally fast. Interestingly a bitch. I take a deep breath. I look at the time every few minutes hoping today could go by sooner. I want to get this overwith. I could hide from Gerard. Bathroom? No that's... just no. Bathroom? Ugh now I'm thinking of the dude again. If I could at least know his name so I don't have to keep calling him guy, boy, dude, male like literally anything could be better than that. Thinking of him made the class go faster. Ugh now it's lunch time.

As I go over to the benches the guy is putting his stuff down. I look down so he doesn't know I know he is there and 100% spying on him. I exhale as I watch him go to the restroom. I sit for several minutes before I hear loud uneven footstep coming near me. I look over and it's Gerard "I told you I wasn't gonna let you sit all by yourself!" The other guys are in pursuit. I stiffen up as the others sit on the bench as well. Gerard quickly hands me a sandwich "No thanks." I say light pushing it back to him. "Yes you are eating it." He puts it on my lap "At least pretend your eating it and throw if away in secret." He says with a chuckle. I nod my stiff composer only increasing.

After a few more seconds the boy returns and sees me and the others. He immediately becomes akward and stiff as well. He slowly walks back to the bench across the hall. I look up to see him with his head down. 'Do something [Y/N]!" I say to myself. Out of adrenaline I give him a little wave. He smiles shyly and waves back. My heart skips a beat. Best thing that's happened to me all day hands down. I smile and glance up at him. God he's actually gorgeous now that I really pay attention. I can't tell if he was making me a bit more confident or even more insecure. He looks at Gerard and the guys and quickly looks down. There was something there. He gets up and walks toward the lockers. I panic. No! He's the only excitement I have at thus point. "One sec." I say before standing up. Gerard and the others barely noticed. I quickly walk in the direction he did. I question my impulse, debating on going back but continue.

I can see him now. I jog, not so gracefully until I get closer. "Hey!" I say my voice pitched up to sound better. He turns around and raises his eyebrows "Hmm?" He says kindly. Now I'm regretting my decision "Um.. I.. uh.. sorry." I turn red and he smiles. That made me even more flustered. I compose myself "Why'd you leave?"

"Oh you paid attention? Thats rare for me to get that much recognition.."

Aw.. "Yeah I did.. Why'd you leave though?"

"No reason... long story, really pointless."

"Are you and Gerard related?"

He winces and shakes his head.

"I'm sorry! That was dumb." I know there is something more there.

"No that's a good question." He smiles. I smile back. I was getting better at this.

"[Y/N] [Y/L/N]. Yours?" My voice is starting to relax.

"Mikey Way."

Ugh why did this make me so giddy and dizzy. I simply smile. The bell rings. "So.. I'll see you around?" Mikey asks. "Yeah... I'd like that." I respond. He smiles and I do the same. He looks down at me for a few more seconds before walking away. I'm frozen. He turns around quickly as he walks and waves. I wave back and walk the opposite direction. Finally making progress. I go to my class much happier. Mikey, I keep saying in my head.

Space science goes by quick knowing that the guys name is Mikey.

When I get out and start walking Gerard meets me. "Hey where'd you go?"

"I was talking to Mikey."

His eyes go big "Mikey Way?"

"Yep." I smile.

"[Y/N] no! That's not a good guy! Not good for you anyway!"

"I thought you didn't know him!" I say firmly back.

"That doesn't matter!"

"You guys are related."

He rubs his hand on his face "He told you.."

"No.. I just assumed. What do you mean not good for me? We've only talk like.. well.. just this once."

"Just trust me."

I roll my eyes "Fine."

He nods and sighs in relief. Little did he know I just lied to his face.

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pbjamas · 3 years

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Please, thinking about how much neglect Hawks went through makes me so sad :( like not only does mans probably not know how to read or write but he was probably so far behind with EVERYTHING.

I am sure 100% his parents didn't teach him anything and the only resource he had of the world outside of his little shack was the TV (which his mum was practically glued to and it clearly didn't work well) so he wasn't going to learn much from that.

Like he probably couldn't even count past like 12, didn't know what most things were, didn't understand phrases (like in mean girls the "omg shut up" "I didn't say anything?" type of deal) and I know this child didn't know how to use chopsticks, like imagine when he gets taken in by the commission and he has to sit there for like an hour every meal cos he can't pick up his food without dropping it :( like I really think being so behind as a child is why he's so fast as an adult, he had to go really fast and cram to get to the normal level of a 7 year old and when he got there he just continued that speed, you know ?

Also, when we see him saving the people in the car crash he's got a little shopping bag, I like to imagine him paying for that if he couldn't read or count like the shopkeeper says its 300 yen and he thinks 1 note = 1 yen and he doesn't know how much 300 yen is but its clearly a Big Number and he definitely only has 4 yen so he starts freaking out like how is he going to get his mother money if things cost this much? But it turns out he actually DOES have enough money and now he's so confused because he now has 0 clue how money works so everytime after that he just prays that he has enough money for what he's picked up.

I also have a head canon that the reason why his boots are Like That is cos the first time he ever wore shoes was when he was on the streets with his mum and after 7 years of bare feet, walking in proper shoes was terrible so he preferred boots with hardly any sole that were so big they could barley fit his feet cos that felt most similar to walking bare foot and although he could walk fine in any shoe as an adult the boots were just never changed.

I also have this sad thought that like what if no one actually knows Hawks' real birthday ? Like I genuinely don't think Tomie was in a state of mind that allowed her to know or remember exact dates, not even the date that her son was born so when the commission asks when he was born she's just like "around Christmas? Maybe after?" So they just give him a birthday that matches that vague description :'(

THIS WAS SO LONG IM SO SORRY I just have many Thoughts about child Hawks :(

This one gets a readmore bc I rambled <3

aaaaaa ;_; that is so sad ;_;

yeah i remember talking with a friend and we about like.....what if baby keigo wrote in a diary! and since this was abt the ghost fic i was writing the ua kids were going to find his old diary and read it and probably cry. But then we realized......he wasn’t allowed to leave the house. Definitely did not go to school. Very much doubt that either tomie or his father taught him to read or write. If he knew any words at all, he would have learned them when his parents left him alone in the house and he could switch the TV to kids shows where they try to be educational.

Agreed that he probably couldn’t count that high either :/ slfkjsdkj what if....he made up words for the higher numbers so he could count higher ;_; AGAIN me thinking of the ghost fic (i poured my heart and soul into it okay!?) I had lil keigo just find a bunch of coins on the ground and hand it to the lady at the store and just hope it was enough bc he couldn’t count high :/

DO NOT give the boots a tragic backstory, I’ll start feeling bad about hating them!!!!

Aaaa that would be really sad if they didn’t even know his birthday ;_; my personal headcanon is that when he was younger his mom was more....there. It’s hard to take care of a baby, you have to be extremely careful because they can get hurt so easily. I like to think that until he could walk well, tomie actually did a pretty good job! she held him and fed him and maybe even sang to him. They were pals, he was her only friend. And then as soon as he could survive without her constant attention.....she just kind of.......withered, without that urgency. so tldr i think she would have remembered his birthday, and maybe even remembers newborn keigo with some fondness. and then let herself slip back into helplessness as soon as she could ;_;

The hpsc planned to immediately start hero training, but instead, they have to teach him how to count, how to read basic characters, how to hold a pencil, how to tie his shoes (UGH you have me considering the tragic boots backstory how dare you.....) .maybe bc he couldn’t tie his shoes he just preferred zipper to save himself the embarrassment (I STILL HATE THE BOOTS, TO BE CLEAR).

#asks

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culxiaa-fn · 3 years

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[Vyn Richter/Mo Yi, Tears of themis]

"Once the item is broken it lost its value"

A little rant because im having Vyn brainrot and I keep seeing a hate toward him

I wrote some interesting point I found out about Vyn... plz- give this man a chance * sobbing*

Ok,I know Vyn's first impression is "sus" and then after that I hate the fact that people just go "oh he is sus I dont care about him anymore bla bla bla" Like- some of them just don't even want to try to get to know this precious and sweet person name Vyn Richter! I saw some calling him a manipulator,Suspicious and even a predator(like tf???) Like yeah I get it some probably have a bad memory or stuff with this kind of topic but you didnt see me go around spreading hate and shitting on ○○○ because he is my least fav in the list.

I guess not everyone like a complicated and deep character like Vyn (yeah I notice this since I play MLQC and people least like Lucien and Victor)

Some good stuff about Vyn cause im tired af people hating him

-He is so sweet??? Like all the sidestory and personaly story I read he just want to be the best i front of MC???

-He will protect MC like??? Have you read the personal story and how furious he is when ○○○ want to touch and when MC didn't tell him that PUA start attacking her.

- I didn't play Ch server but I am really curious about his past... why does he look so sad when he saw a broken Items

- Vyn is a type of person that set a high expectation on himself and he is afraid to dissapoint others (you can see in Mercury di-de- desomething something card) like, love... plz- you are still a human go easy on yourself plz- even if you are not perfect I still love you

- He will do anything to appear* "perfect" infront of MC (the summer event card) Like???? Have you read that??? Plz read that card story he is so cute???

I hate that some of them don't even want to give this man a chance... well it's probably my curse too cause i keep liking the "least popular" and deep character like this-

Character like Vyn,Lucien(MLQC) Victor(MLQC) is the type of characters that you have to pay really close attention their affection is subtle. The way the text describe how their eyes,their heart,the subtle reaction, the difference between MC and others that kind of thing I love to find and read and just UGH I LOVE YOU GUYS

#being Vyn protector and Simp first. human second #vyn richter #brainrot #fanart #digital art #otome game #my art #tears of themis fanart #tears of themis vyn #tears of themis #Mo yi #tears of themis mo yi #artist on tumblr #🎨 gallery archive

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unlikelyempathpruneauthor · 4 years

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'Family support's just so wholesome, i can't! Your writing's great 💙 i have a request (tho it's more than fine if you're not taking them/ don't feel like doing this one): bau!reader losing a loved one, not telling anyone and throwing themselves into work but masking it up pretty well so no one notices how broken they are until after a though case reader falls asleep on the jet and has a nightmare, reid puts 2 & 2 together and comforts them.. idk just feeling a bit moody today, hope u r fine 😊

Hold you in my arms

A/N: hey! I'm glad you enjoyed family support! Im glad you also enjoy my writing thank you so much! im sorry I took forever to write this one up! Hopefully its what you wanted. I did kinda rush the case so we could have Spencer and reader content, so sorry if it is rushed and bad. hope you enjoy this one!

TW: family member going through cancer.

things to know: the italics in the beginning are going through the death of the brother, and near the end is the dream. regular font is what happened or is happening how ever you want to put it.

You were a really private person, for the most part, but with your team, they knew mostly everything about you. Which knowing them for years was okay with you. As long as they didn’t know any more details you were fine with that. Your family meant everything to you and you wanted them safe. You never wanted to be the reason they were tortured or even killed.

However some things that caused death weren't your fault completely. Your brother was getting near to death. He’s been fighting leukemia since he was 15 and recently it's been getting worse. You stayed with him the days you didn’t work or didn’t get called in. Lucky the last few days you had with him you only had paperwork to finish.

The team noticed how fast you would complete them and how detailed and well written they were so they thought nothing of it. Spencer though he noticed despair and worry, but he didn’t say anything since you two were only friends and if you had something to tell him you would reach out.

“Is she okay?” Prentiss asked as the team shrugged. “Yeah Spence is she alright seems like something is up?” Rossi said as Spencer shrugged not knowing what was wrong with his best friend and “secret” crush. “She hasn’t said anything or talked to me, she’ll probably talk when she’s ready” he said as that left the team with that and spending their own free time the way they do.

You would walk into the hospital with two thoughts in your mind. “He’s alright he’s okay, he’s fighting” or “it’s too late you work too much and now he’s gone” and when you would enter the room relief was hit and you saw him eating or watching tv.

You two would talk and spend time with one another, but he would beg you to go back to work and not worry. “Matt, no I'm staying until they call alright? You said as he held your hand. “Please go back to work I’m fine, I know you’ll make it in time once my monitor goes crazy” he said as you glared at him. “Don’t say that, I’m staying.” You said as he gave you the look your mother gave you. “Ugh fine I’ll go, but you need to call me if anything happens.

Like that you would go back to work and finish even more paperwork. Like nothing was wrong. You were sad inside but you didn’t show. You were strong, well you had to be, your brother was told he was gonna live for 2 months and he just passed his 1 month, this scared you. You couldn’t lose him now. He was your other half considering how young he was. Why do good people die young and terribly?

When that day came, you were called by your mom. You were home so you quickly left your home not even worrying if you left something on, your main focus was your brother. Seeing him alive when you go there.

Once you got to the hospital you arrived and saw them resuscitate him. They gave you a look that said, he wasn’t gonna make it and you needed to say goodbye. Your parents were sitting in chairs while you held your brother in your arms like the first time you met him. He was just your little baby brother and you knew he was gonna do great things.

Memories of you and him passed through your brain like one of those movies. The good and the bad. As the monitor went flat he was gone, your baby brother was gone. Tears just flushed through your eyes not caring if some got onto him. All you could do was hug him and let him rest the way he wanted to. In your arms.

“It’s okay, it’s time for you to rest.” You said as you kissed his head and held on for a while longer.

That was the last time you saw him. You currently got back from the funeral, and you changed so the team didn’t notice anything. As you walked over to your desk you got a new picture frame out with a picture of you and your brother when you were 10 and he was about 3. You smiled at the way your brother smiled.

“Y/n” someone said. “Y/n? You alright?” Spencer said as you looked at him. “Yeah Spence sorry I was just thinking. What’s up?” You asked as he smiled. “Well we have a case, so let’s go?” He said as you smiled back and headed to the conference room.

The case introduced was about an unsub killing young 20 year old males. Most of them were either in college or working for their families. They were good people but they were just killed for no reason. Which made you think of Matt. What if….no stop it.

As you debriefed the case you were headed to New Orleans. As you got your go bag you were met by spencer who was waiting for you per usual, spencer noticed something stopped you. “y/n? You okay?” he asked as he startled you and you blinked many times not knowing he was there. “Yeah im okay, uh just thinking.” you said as he hummed. “Alright..oh is that a new picture?” he asked as he grabbed the new frame with your picture. “Actually it's an old one, i just thought i could have another picture you know.” you said as he nodded. “Yeah, i do, is this your brother?” he asked as you nodded. “Yeah i was 10 and he was about 3 years old in that photo, it was the first day of school for the both of us, he was going to preschool and i was going into the fourth grade” you said as he noticed your sincere smile. “Is he doing okay?” he asked as your heart stopped, but you knew you had to lie, you didn't want to bother him. “He's fine, going into his fourth year of college,” you said as he nodded, but he read through your lie, you thought your heart stopped internally, but your whole body shifted and he knew something happened. you then were interrupted by a hotch. “Guys we should get going, seems like they need us earlier than i thought.” he said as you nodded heading over to the jet.

As you read through the file you were still thinking about Matt, you knew he wanted you to work instead of grieving for him, and you were gonna do that until it was gonna finally break you. You just kept thinking about getting privacy to let the tears to come out.

As you landed, you had to talk to the family of the recent victim. As you got there you saw them break down, not only did you lose someone, they did too. As if your instincts were nagging at you, you walked in to talk to the family, understanding completely what they were going through.

After talking to the parents, they told you Jerry was sick. He had been going through some type of chemotherapy and he didn't go to his last one days before getting kidnapped. That was weird, maybe the unsub knew who they were. But you didn't really know how to back that up with so you called garcia.

“Hello my beautiful princess, how may i serve you today?” she asked as you smiled. “God pen, never change,” you said as she hummed. “Not in any world my love.” she said as you looked down at your file. “Hey can you see if any of our victims was going through some type of therapy, like chemo?” you asked as she typed away and you waited.

Maybe this was some type of coincidence, like god was giving you a chance to save someone, after losing someone.

“Woah, uhh, our first victim, David, had thyroid cancer, and our other two victim, had leukemia. How does this connect?” she asked as you sighed. “Our latest victim had some type of cancer and was going through, chemotherapy.” you said as she sighed. “God why would someone kill someone who is going through a hard time?” she said as you sighed as well. “I don't know love, that's what I'm gonna figure out.” you said as she hung up leaving you to tell the team. You walked over to where everyone was standing and they seemed to pay attention before you began to talk.

“So all of our victims went through some type of sickness that involved them to get chemotherapy, what if our unsub is going through that and by killing them they are taking their place by getting some chemotherapy.” you said as they all shuffled looking through.

“That could explain why they didn't have certain belongings with them. And could explain why some didn't have their id.” Morgan said as you nodded. “Alright well call garcia to widen her search, good job y/n” hotch said as you nodded. “And this person might be working near any of the hospitals, our victims went to.” you said as they all nodded and you were getting ready to deliver the profile.

While this happened you got a call from your mother. You quickly picked it up leaving the room. “I'm sorry I have to take this.” you said as hotch nodded and you went into a hallway.

“Hey mom? Everything okay?” you asked as she hummed “i am, its just i really hate to bother you, but i can afford the funeral i only paid half of it... And i don't wanna ask you for money-” she said, stumbling over her words as you cut her off. “Mom hey, dont worry about that, let me give you my credit card information all right? Tell them to send me the bill to my apartment. You don't have to worry about it alright?” you said as she sighed and sobbed. “Okay, im sorry...its just i saved up money for college but it wasn't enough and i know you do-” she said as you cut her off again. “Mom don't worry about it. I had some money saved up for him too in case he needed something. It's fine mom.” you said as you kept reassuring her. You then met the team again as they had a lead.

“Hey sorry it was my mom.” you said as they found a guy who lost his family because his wife had left him for his best friend, he was then told he had lung cancer and didn't have insurance or enough money to pay for his treatment. He was recently seen at the same hospital all the victims were at, and that meant he was getting ready for his next victim. He also worked as a janitor at the hospitals, which explained how he got the information from them.

You and Reid were sent to his house as the rest of the team was sent to the hospital. As you got there you noticed the lights were on. “You check the front while i check the back.” he said as you nodded. You had a police officer behind you as you cleared the house. Everything seemed clear, but the odd things was why were the lights on. He probably left in a rush.

You both checked everything as found and he had schedules of the patients. He also worked in many hospitals which explained how he met the other two victims. Reid called hotch and gave him the address to the hospital next on the list. It was most likely he was just living here because you didn't find any bodies in the house, but you still searched outside his house.

You were walking around the back as you noticed humps in the ground...oh no. “reid! I think i've got bodies” you said as reid came along with a dog and they were sniffing and barking. “Yeah he definitely killed them here. Morgan and prentiss just found a shack a couple miles away from here and all their clothes and stuff are. Where is he though?” he said as you nodded.

You ended up finding him in the hospital reid found next on the list. They ended up getting the guy and taking him to the station. He was in the interrogation room and hotch let you take him. Reid was with you and you just stared at the unsub.

“You ready?” he asked as you nodded. He walked over to the door entering the room as the unsub looked at both of you as you sat down. “So uh mark? Right?” reid said as the unsub nodded. “Yeah, can you tell me why I'm here?” he said as you looked at Reid and he let you take the lead. “Well mark, your property is filled with missing people who were filled missing, you know, because their family cares about them. Why did you kill them?” you asked as he scoffed. “Please my family cares about me.” he said as you glared at him.

“Really mark, they do? Then why aren't they here? We know your wife left you for your best friend and he matched all the victims appearances. You killed innocent boys who were just starting their life. You're just mad that their lives were settled and not yours.” you said as the unsub felt uncomfortable that you knew all that.

“Mark, we know you killed them because you were eventually gonna kill your own friend.” reid said as he just shook his head as if he was going crazy.

You two were just throwing the truth at him as he exploded.

“I had to do it! They were gonna ruin someone else’s life too! I couldn't let them go through that.” he said as you too got your confession, not that you needed it.

“Look mark, we didn't need this but we got what we need and i hope you get what you deserve.” you said as he yelled, “you don't even know what they felt. Why do you care so much!” he said as you stopped in your tracks and turned around. “You know what i do, i know what it's like to lose someone, they were already suffering so much, and you ruined it more for them. They had more time, but you didn't care. If you really care, family is important, and losing one is even worse, especially from sickness. Knowing that i couldn't do anything hurts. You're the one who doesn't know. You only know what it felt like to kill them knowing you were gonna live and they were gonna die.” you said leaving as reid and everyone behind that mirror just heard what you said.

As you got back on the jet, you were so tired you fell asleep right away. You were just so tired you didn't know what to do.

You were running through the unsubs home and noticed a body that looked familiar. It was matt. You quickly ran over to him and saw his face. He was already dead. You then were tied up seeing the unsub shoot him over and over. “NO! Matt, no! You had more time! Why!” you said.

“You had more time….why did you kill him…” you mumbled as you were moving around a lot and crying. Reid noticed and he quickly put his book down as he shook you up. “y/n...hey it's just a dream...y/n'' he said as you woke up with tears falling out of your eyes. “Im sorry, sorry.” you said as you wiped your own tears away. You sat there in complete silence. You were comfortable so it wasn't awkward.

You then saw the way Reid looked at you, which was the look that told you he knew what was wrong. You sighed in defeat as you asked him. “How do you know?” you asked as he half smiled. “Well today when you mentioned Matt, your mood changed, and I knew something was wrong, and you also wanted to comfort the victims family. You seemed like you knew what they were going through. And when you told us about the victims being sick, you seemed really sad for them more than a regular person would be and when you talked about losing family, I knew something was up.” he said as you nodded. “So you profiled me huh?” you said as he nodded and gave you a sincere smile

He was waiting, but he spoke first. “y/n i'm here for you, just know that, even if you feel alone i'm here for you always.” he said as you nodded.

He was about to get up as you spoke. “Matt died...two days ago...and the funeral was today, and i'm not okay.” you said as your tears fell out. Spencer held you as he wiped your tears away. “I'm so sorry, y/n.” he said as you shook your head. “spence its fine.” you said as he nodded, but he knew it wasn't fine. “Its just...when he died, i held him in my hands. I was there when it happened.” you said as he felt very sorry that you had to go through that.

“Im so sorry. Here come here.” he said as he opened his arms so he could hold you. You were thankful for Spencer, he was always there for you and you were glad he was there for you for this. It made being able to grieve much easier.

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #Criminal Minds #criminal minds imagine #dr. spencer reid

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selfcareparker · 3 years

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(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭��😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag????#aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘#love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop.#my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me???#or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘#imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so)#i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀#sentencessss*

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patchofsunlight · 3 years

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i'm taking college chemistry because i like the teacher (she's really good and she's cool, i'm only taking it cause she's teaching) and also i think if i take it my guidance counselor won't put me in other harder classes😭 and i slept before and after i did the writing assignments so it was okay it just happened to be in the middle of the night

and did really like my spotify wrapped i feel like it made me look a lot cooler than i actually am😎

and my day was alright! i had a math test and i'm not good at math but it was open notes so it wasn't that bad, and in chemistry we just started a lab so i'll have to see if i can figure that out😭 i wasn't paying attention in band and when i looked up to see what was happening we were watching fergie sing the star spangled banner ?😭😭 and i had history after that and it was chill, my teacher was very excited that it's snowing today😭 i played the sims during english, and for my last class it's kind of a college prep class i guess? but we had a teacher from the college center at our school come talk to us as part of this project we're doing

i also almost fell down the stairs today😭😭 im clumsy and i think i walk down the stairs too fast or something bc it's always the same step that i like, land too far on the edge and then my foot slips but usually i catch myself and i've only actually fallen once and it's like one or two steps from the bottom so it's not like i'm falling down a whole flight of stairs bc that would be very dangerous😭😭

and me and my friends don't lie to each other about the shows we watch but we definitely will pick specific things to mention or have each other watch😭 i remember we were talking about adventure time because only 3 of us had watched it and we were only talking about the super weird episodes😭 i don't know if you've watched adventure time but we were talking about the one episode with the deer, and then this one character that i still think is super scary

i feel like this was a lot but i hope your day was good! how are you? what'd you do today? - 🍓

LMAO OKAY THAT’S FAIR!!!! i’m glad you seem to be doing well on it tho 😌😌😌 how does it feel to be a genius. and yes okay take care of yourself yes please

okay strawberry but consider this: you ARE cool. you simply ARE

math sucks but i’m sure you ACED it. AND UGH YOU DO BAND??? THATS SO COOL MY SCHOOL HAS NEVER HAD ANY MUSIC RELATED CLASSES AND I HATE IT THERE FOR IT. how is that project??? is it cool??? or is it boring??? i wish i had the sims. instead i am a broke bitch LMAO

BABY NO— PLEASE UH TRY NOT TO DO THAT ANYMORE ARE YOU OKAY??? YOU CAN GET REALLY HURT FROM DOING THAT

lying about tv shows/anime is the funniest shit. and LMAO I HAVENT WATCHED ADVENTURE TIME BUT “THE DEER EPISODE” SOUNDS,,, OMINOUS

nah it was great!!! sorry for the wait, i was waiting so that i could read it right and answer everything yk?? hehe

i’m. tired. kinda sad about some things. kinda pissed about others. lmao idk fmekxkwkskwksk im living

today was okay? i guess? i was stressed then i was angry then i was sad LMAO i worked out tho!!!! my body hurts BUT it could be worse fmwjxkwk so uh chile ANYWAYS how are you today babe

#nina answers #🍓 anon

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xsecretblastsx · 4 years

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1x04 - Bad News Blair

This episode is the one that on first watch my love for Blair was born. This also an episode that’s heavy on the friendship front. I loved it.

Things I thought while watching the episode:

I love Blair as Audrey Hepburn. This is the first time we see her as such, in all her Holly Golightly glory.

This reminded me that Henri Bendel is no more

You know I think the first time I saw the series I didn't noticed her mom was played by a different actress here

We didn't knew about her ED at this point, but is quite sad that Blair's says to her mom she lost two pounds and her mother praises her for it.

Those dudes that are watching Serena while she's on the street with Blair are so creepy, and again is sad that Blair sees this as another proof of how invisible she is next to Serena.

“She likes you more than me” 🙁

Do people really bump like that in NY?

Chuck rolling his eyes at Carter Baizen is such a mood. Oh Nate, so naive.

The way Blair lights up when her mother says she's perfect to represent her brand

“Not a party for Senior Citizens, now go jump into a volcano” Chuck’s one liners this episode are on fire. Also Chuck’s outfit here. I’m dying. I saw interview once where the showrunners were like, and here was the point we discovered we could Ed anyway we wanted and he would go for it, or something like that.

"The model doesn't like herself" 🥺

"Think about your boyfriend inside" Nate's has show more interest in Carter this episode than in Blair in the whole series, and actually Chuck has a good point you can complain, and keep talking about what you don't want but at some point you do have to know what you want otherwise you'll get nowhere.

He annoys me but Dan's description of Blair is kind of amusing “95 pounds of girly evil”. But honestly is there an episode where he's not judgy about Serena and her friends?

Blair's vulnerable face while her mother wishes her goodnight, because she can't quite believe her mom called her beautiful

Eleanor pre Cyrus was a piece of work, pretending not to notice her daughter is only saying she didn't want to be in the shoot just to save face, or even how she discretly wipes a tear.

I didn't even remember Jessica Simpson tried to have an acting career so Blair to me your modeling career was longer

It's not one of her memorable outfits at all but I really like that green dress Blair is wearing

Chuck to the rescue!! What would Nate do without him.

Another episode where Dan says he’s sorry for judging Serena, two in a row so far. But this lines “Im sorry i gave you reason to?”He'll judge Serena always, no matter what ugh

That improptu photoshoot the girls do in the end is one of GG most iconic moments.

This is the first episode we really get our first deep look into why Blair is the way she is. Behind all her Queen Be persona there’s a girl that is really insecure. She has to be first among the other girls in school, be perfect, because she doesn’t feel like that around with two of the most importantbpersons in her life: her mother and Nate. And this brings another really important point: the complexity of her relationship with Serena. She loves her to pieces, but she feels invisible next to her, her boyfriend prefers her, and worse of all her mother too. How can one navigate loving someone so much but at the same time that person is getting all the love and attention from those you want it the most? Serena has “it” Blair not so much, and the saddest part is, this belief makes her act in a way that makes her “shine” less.

The episode also makes an important point about Serena’s character. Her love/hate relationship withe the spotlight. Her argument with Dan at the photoshoot is a bit centered around this. I’m not a fan of Dan once again being judgy about Serena, and he's making it about him like always but between his words and Eleanor's the point is clear: even if Serena claims and wants to be in the sidelines, the spotlight always finds her, and some part of her loves it, even when she doesn't want to.

Finally this is the first episode that starts humanizing Chuck, for all his vices and bad qualities he knows how to be a good friend, not only he ends up saving Nate he doesn’t really want any retribution for it, insisting that there’s no need for Nate to pay him, the biggest take of all of this storyline, Nate’s really important to him. Which of course makes future events more interesting.

Random things I’ve noticed: (that maybe no one cares)

The dress Serena is wearing in Blair's dream is the one Blair was wearing the first time we saw her on the first episode

“Be goofy like when we were ten and would dance around to Gennie in a bottle with your mom's clothes" just picture that

Carter was a senior when the NJBC was in eight grade. He has a sister and he's the creator of the Lost Weekend.

The set for Blair's room is still not the one that we see the rest of the series. She has some Barbie Dolls and Care Bares in the top of a wardrobe

Dan's wearing a Lincoln Hawk t-shirt, nice detail

I don't know why but i loved when Blair wokes up, happily looks in the mirror and Carmen is playing the background

Moon river was playing in the background during Blair and Serena's argument, Blair's nightmare in real life

#gossip girl #1x04 #bad news blair #gossip girl recap #gossip girl rewatch

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pinkykitten · 5 years

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Nooo honey, don't you say that. You're an awesome writer, underrated as hell. I was gonna request a bunch of things but I didn't really know what I wanted. I'll probably drop some in later today or tomorrow, if I still can. Also planning on being part of the MARVEL Endgame celebration, I'm just afraid to open my requests because I'm a horrible procrastinator and I'm always afraid I'll disappoint people.

omg r u actually talking to me?!?! im sorry im like love your writing, you’re talked in our household. like my sister said that she loves the way this red little person on tumblr writes and she showed me you and im like omg i love her writing as well! so its surprising like you would even know about my blog (of course u prob would with me tagging u in almost everything cringily idek if thats a word prob not) anyways hi, thank you for the lovely things you say it means a lot to me since i really like your writing.

I always see my writing as like meh, its okay, its not quite how I want it. Some stories are better than others for me. And I’m always open to learning. To growing especially in something I love so much. I’ve always enjoyed writing since I was a child and reading (ugh i love reading so much like ill prob die with a book lol) The thing is I don’t so much need all the followers, because I know that will never happen. I have learned to be humble about things like that. And to let you in on a little secret I don’t think (idk if this even is a secret) my writing is that good that it deserves all followers or like even like a thousand tbh when I first started this I thought I was gonna have 10 and thats it. And 10 was so much for me because I’m like thinking in my head 10 frickin ppl actually like what I’m posting i mean i know some of them are like porn bots and stuff but still!

I just like to engage with my followers, with the ppl, with my peeps because I want to make them happy. There are days when I feel high (yeah man jk) when I feel happy and encouraged and there are days when I feel discouraged about my writing but I think of course thats normal with writing and whatever you’re writing. I just had high expectations that it was gonna be a celebration and that people would request all the time. I was ready and kinda felt stupid waiting here by my computer like the whole day awaiting a request, just one. I already wrote one of my own to get the ball rolling so maybe I will be the one to do all the stories. Who knows? That would make me a little sad because like I said I wanted a celebration.

Also its hurts my feelings because I have a life. I have a big family I have to tend to. I have personal things in my life that I have to get to. I also have not been feeling good at all these past couple of days yet I sit here wanting to write for not just them but just wanting to write and write their request because then ppl get mad or inpatient. I just want ppl to be happy on my blog, thats it! if ppl aren’t happy then I feel like kinda like a monster. so if i dont get requests again today i will just go thru it, its not like i havent. i mean what more could i do?

lol you don’t need to request if you don’t want to. I don’t want you to feel now obliged to do it cause I was sulking lol. But you should totally do a marvel thing as well you would be amazing at it and I would totally participate in whatever you were to do. I did @ardentmuse quiz and let me say that was the best quiz ever it was amazing!!!! so to see all types of writers doing things for marvel first off makes me wanna cry lol and its so much fun cause thats like my fav fandom. But I get what you mean about procrastinating. I kinda do that too lol. Thats my thing too tho! See you get me! I’m afraid I’ll disappoint ppl. Thats me to a T! Thats my fear, and I feel like I sometimes do. Idk my feelings are just all over the place. I usually don’t speak about my feelings on tumblr because I don’t want ppl to think oh she wants to play the victim or look she wants attention. I don’t want any of that. literally u guys should see me writing this im like wrapped up in my blanket wanting to like die in a hole. i feel my feelings are so cringy and like MS. WRITER NOBODY CARESSSSSS!!!! lol but i don’t want like attention at all thats not what im going for at. all. i just want if someone who is also writing has the same feelings as me and they stumble on this blog and read this post and it encourages them or uplifts them in any way.

just know writers that are famous on here and writers that are starting out, or just writers on here. You matter! You are doing something so difficult and something tedious and awesome. I feel us writers make imagination real. People give us a request and we make it happen for them. Thats hard in itself yet we all have that power to do it. Thank you writers, and you know what if they ask for payment to their writing DON’T JUDGE THEM! DONT HATE! just like you would pay for art well this is art and if they ask for you to pay just pay. Again thank you writers, and thank you darlings that do uplift me and that do read my stuff and that do request I SEE YA!

and thank you to my big sis cuz she reads my stuff, I love you to infinity and beyond. u r the best sister ever!

#ms.writer talks #ask #personal #about me #@thatlittlered #omg i still cant believe they sent this to me #also i feel like this is like a letter if i were to die so depressing smh

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hanniejji · 6 years

Text

TAGS UWU

So I was tagged three times and since I wasn't able to do it on my phone I had to do it on my computer lmao anyway I got tagged by my sweet cakes(@hyunjinsgiggle ), the sunshine (@felegs ), and this cutie (@stayuwu ) this is going to be long btw im sorry and the ending is very depressing ignore it

Bold Tag

Rules: bold the ones that apply to you!

Appearance:

I’m over 5'5 / I wear glasses/contacts / I have blonde hair / I wear sweatshirts a lot / I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing / I have one or more piercings / I have at least one tattoo / I have blue eyes / I have dyed or highlighted my hair / I have gotten plastic surgery / I have or had braces / I sunburn easily / I have freckles / I paint my nails / I typically wear makeup / I don’t often smile / I am pleased with how I look / I prefer Nike to Adidas / I wear baseball hats backwards

Hobbies and talents:

I play a sport / I can play an instrument / I am artistic / I know more than one language / I have won a trophy in some sort of competition / I can cook or bake without a recipe / I know how to swim / I enjoy writing / I can do origami / I prefer movies on TV shows / I can execute a perfect somersault / I enjoy singing / I could survive in the wild on my own / I have read a new book series this year / I enjoy spending time with friends / I travel during school or work brakes / I can do a handstand

Experiences:

I have had my first kiss / I have gotten drunk / I have told a crush I like them / I have traveled outside of the country / I have flown on an airplane / I have stayed awake for more than 48 hours / I have had a near-death experience / I have caught something on fire / I have performed in a talent show / I have shot a gun / I have been on TV / I have gone scuba diving / I have broken a bone / I have slow-danced / I have gone on a shopping spree

Relationships:

I am in a relationship / I have been single for over a year / I have a crush / I have a best friend I have known for over ten years / my parents are together / I have dated my best friend / I am adopted / my crush have confessed to me / I have had a long-distance relationship / I am an only child / I give advice to my friends / I have made an online friend / I met up with someone I have met online

Aesthetics:

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell / I have watched the sun rise / I enjoy rainy days / I have slept under the stars / I meditate outside / the sound of chirping calms me / I enjoy the smell of the beach / I know what snow tastes like / I listen to music to fall asleep / I enjoy thunderstorms / I enjoy cloud watching / I have attended a bonfire / I pay close attention to colors / I find mystery in the ocean / I enjoy hiking on nature paths / Autumn is my favorite season

Miscellaneous:

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle / I am the mom friend / I live by a certain quote / I like the smell of sharpies / I am involved in extracurricular activities/ I enjoy Mexican food / I can drive stick-shift / I have memorized an entire song in a day / I believe in true love / I dream up scenarios to fall asleep / I sing in the shower / I wish I lived in a video game / I have a canopy above my bed / I am Multi-racial / I am a redhead / I own at least three dogs / I am LGBR

I'm about to answer 33 questions wow I feel like I'm on an examination

11 questions tag

by sweet cakes:

1. what is your fashion sense?

I have a lot of styles depending on the weather or my mood. I mostly do the sweater/jacket + high waisted shorts hehe or turtle neck + shorts + cardigan/jacket. when I'm lazy, which is always, I wear an oversize hoodie and shorts and the occasional cap hihi I have a weird sense of fashion

2. what is your favourite season?

I like rainy, or windy. any is fine as long as I don't sweat like hell adfaslsja I hate summer

3. if you could go on holiday anywhere, where?

I love going to beaches but tbh anywhere with good views is fine, it doesn't matter since the most important thing for me is that I get the experience and take lots of photos if they have a lot of delicious foods then that's better oof

4. what is one quote you live by?

"learn to stand on your own feet" has a very special place in my heart

5. would you ever get a tattoo, and if so, what and where?

I would want a snowflake, because we're not alone falling down

6. what is your favourite song at the minute?

at the moment, it's nobody knows by youngjae and fine by yugyeom ✨✨

7. what is one album you would listen to for the rest of your life?

I still listen to Linkin Park songs because of the meaningful and relatable lyrics

8. what is your favourite memory from the last year?

it has to be the one time my mom said she's proud of me :')

9. what is one regret you have?

not being able to make friends easily :'( I find it hard to do

10. would you change aforementioned regret?

maybe :'(

11. if you could have any food in the world to eat right now, what would it be?

How dare you make me choose I can't possibly choose between different varieties of foods :'( fries, frappe, and shawarma w/o cucumber pls

by sunshine 🌞

1. what’s one thing that helps you relax?

probably sleeping with soft background music

2. what’s your favorite novel and author?

I'd rather poetry :') sea of strangers by lang leav is amazing

3. are you an affectionate person? if so, how do you show affection?

I'm more like the closet affectionate person hehe but when I'm tired or sleepy I get clingy a lot but I'm mostly through small actions, I'm not comfortable with saying "I miss you" or whatever unless I'm typing them

4. are you an early bird or a night owl?

totally a night owl

5. if you’re comfortable with it, do you have a song you connect to something or someone, and if so, what is it?

sorry by halsey, broken home by 5sos

6. if you could go back to a place you’ve been to before, where would it be?

the beach we went to last vacation :')

7. what does your favorite piece of clothing - that you own yourself - look like?

a very comfy oversized hoodie, it's black with front pocket, sweater paaaaws, and it has a small doodle of neptune on the back

8. who’s your bias and why?

bias? I don't know her

9. do you believe in luck and miracles?

yas, my aunt is actually a fortune teller? idk? but she knows a lot about those and spirits thing but since I have low self confidence I mostly sound like I don't believe in them

10. what’s your favorite type of decorations?

aesthetic and pastel colors ✨

11. do you prefer being outside or inside?

booooth

by cutie :

1. Are you a daydreamer? If so, what do you dream about?

sometimes I just space out without even realizing

2. What’s your favorite place in the world?

home

3. What’s home to you?

somewhere that no one can judge me, a safety place, a place where I can let loose and be comfortable and not give a care about anything

4. This is not a question but quote a vine.

"oh hell noOooOoOOoOooOooOO"

5. Grey’s anatomy or House?

what i don't watch any of these

6. Do you have any pets?

a lame excuse of a cat

7. What kind of friend are you? (You know, the mom friend, the meme friend, etc).

the mom friend, scolds you 25/8, gives advises everywhere, comforts you, takes things seriously, drops everything just to listen to you unless I'm in a very bad mood, sacrifices for you, boyfriend material (according to my friend), secretly soft, lazy but exerts effort when needed, randomly does weird things and dances to fortnite, supports you, but lowkey doesn't do the same for myself lol because I'm emo and you can hear me saying bad things about myself 27/10 and pushing you away lol

I don't share my food unless you're important lmao

8. Do you hate someone? If so, why?

fake peopleeee

9. What’s your dream job?

to be a journalism

10. What MCU character resembles you the most? (not physically, more like mentally and emotionally).

probably wanda

11. I won’t use this eleven question as an actual question, use your right to answer to this to talk about whatever the fuck you want. Rant, fangirl, talk about what you did today or yesterday or whatever. Just talk.

I just want to cry to someone but I don't have the heart to tell anyone, I don't know why but I get stressed so easily and that one time our nurse had a seminar and asked if anyone is depressed, I just want to raise my hand but I'm too scared someone will judge me and think of me as a weak person, like now, and she started this speech about how to beat depression and I just can't understand how is that going to work because it doesn't work on me. I'm getting tired of constantly getting sad for no reason and it's bothering my classmates and I hate bothering them I feel like I'm annoying so I kept these thoughts to myself. It's hard trying to avoid spacing out and being so quiet all of the sudden, I'm getting mad at myself for being pathetic and I did the "do" once because I was so desperate to feel something other than sadness and I couldn't even tell anyone and right now I feel like this rant I'm doing is bothering everyone I hate being like this :'(

I'm doooonneee hehehehe that took me like a long time and I should really sleep now :') I will reblog this with my 11 questions and tags because tumblr has limits ugh

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cosmo-era-yuto · 3 years

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Hey there, I hope you're doing well!

You hopefully got my last essay? Haha well here are my opinions on the different B-sides that I promised!

Pentagon- Lukewarm

Five Senses-this one is really hard, I love this whole album, it's a toss up between pretty pretty and lose yourself... Maybe Lose Yourself

Gorilla-is it cheating if I choose Pretty Pretty for this one? Haha well there's only two original songs on this album, and I'll have to go with Hikari

Ceremony-Nothing

Demo_01-One More Night

Demo_02-All Right

Violet- Burning Love

Positive- another toss up, this time between Off-Road and Let's Go Together... I can't choose...

Shine - I think the Japanese version of Off-Road is really nice! But if we're picking original songs, then Wake Up /悪夢

Thumbs Up! - this whole album was great, it's really hard to pick @n@ maybe Just Do It Yo!! ? But really this is a no-skip album for me.

Genie:us -Round 1

Sum(me:r) - another album I love, the whole thing is great, it's cohesive in theme and tone. Contender for favorite mini album, no-skips. Mmmm damn I guess Fantasystic?

We:th - it's between Nostalgia and You Like. Maybe I'll go with You Like because it's really unique

The Black Hall - what a great album. Who does it like this anymore? Another time when I felt the whole thing was just unified and not just a random collection of songs. It's really, really hard to choose one... I'll go with The Black Hall, because again it's unique, it's sexy, and tbh I think it has the strength to be a title song if Dr. Bebe wasn't there

The History: happiness and Cosmo were both so good! I like the imagery and MV for Cosmo better, but I can sing Happiness better than Cosmo so I'll go with that one XD

Love or Take - Sing-a-Song, though I like the whole album!! I only skip Boy in Time because I don't want to make myself sad

Do or Not- Don't Worry Bout Me, though I love the uniqueness of Dazzling

Non-album singles: Basquiat. That song makes me go a little bit insane

And there ya go!

I am doing well, thank you for asking; I hope the same for you!

MAN I LOVE LUKEWARM, honestly Pentagon is one of my favorite albums; all the songs are great

Yeeesssss I’m glad you said Lose Yourself as well! But Pretty Pretty is a great choice as well!

Nah choosing Pretty Pretty isn’t cheating, but I’m glad you also chose 光, it’s one of the best songs

NOTHING!!! Ceremony is also one of my favorite albums. I just love all the songs! THE CHORUS! KINO AND YANAN JUST UGH!! NO NO NO IM GOING TO GO LISTEN TO THE SONG RIGHT NOW!!!

I feel like One More Night has a unique sound to it, while at the same time it sounds like a song from their Five Senses mini album. Anyhow it’s a good song that I should definitely listen to more than I actually do

Bro Alright is such a good choice! The music is so cool and the both the chorus and after chorus are addicting, especially Yanan’s “It’s now or never!”

Burning Love literally rocks I always sing (note: yell) along when that song comes on in the playlist and I love the music for it!

Off Road and Let’s Go Together are great songs to be conflicted over, Positive really is just a no skip album for me as well!

I’ll agree with you on that. I listen to the Japanese version of Off Road so much that when I watch a performance of it I get confused at first since all the words sound different. But I’m glad you also chose 悪夢, I legitimately have that song as one of my alarms!

Thumbs Up! Is also one of my favorite albums (I’m beginning to realize I say that too much when it concerns Pentagon)!

Genie:us is another no-skip album for me 🤠 I don’t know how Pentagon is writing music that is a exactly to my tastes, but I’m not complaining ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sum(me:r) is actually iffy for me 😬 I like the four songs generally speaking, but I have to be in the mood for them. Sometimes I’ll just skip right over them

You Like is one of my favorite Pentagon songs to listen to with earbuds in; the music production for that song is amazing!

Funny story, I went into a Victoria’s Secret for the first time and The Black Hall kept playing in my head on repeat. I wasn’t even paying attention to the music that was playing in the store. Anyways, yes a bop of a song!

I can sing both Cosmo and Happiness! I can only sing the first and second chorus to Happiness though. Cosmo I can sing the chorus and other parts here and there; I can sort of sing the beginning and pre chorus and I sing the bridge (if you can classify it as that, the structure of this song is so unique!) really well.

I don’t know if this sounds weird but, to me, Sing-a-Song and Just Do it Yo has the same vibe. Every time I listen to Sing-a-Song I just start thinking about Just Do It Yo! It makes me wonder if it would fit well in the Thumbs Up album?

I will say listening to Don’t Worry About Me through earbuds is an experience that I am here for. Also after the first chorus the “Yuto” right before he starts rapping. Yutoda 2.0??? All I know is that I was freaking out the first time I heard it

AND YEAH BASQUIAT!!! WOOO AAAAHHHHH IF THAT SONG COMES ON I GO FERAL HOMIE! WE ARE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE BRIDGE OF THE SONG AND THEN you know what I am calm

Thank you for the list! I am the only person I know in my life that is as obsessed with Pentagon as much as I am (most people I know don’t listen to Kpop or has only heard their song Shine). So it’s nice to hear another uni’s opinions about Pentagon things! Until next time 👾

#unianonevent2021 #answered #💫👾💫

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