#and this is honestly what ive experienced

[sirfluffyknight]

Hi tumblr

I guess I'm a furry artist now

#but honestly drawing furry art recently has brought me more joy in the act of creating art than ive experienced in months #like im genuinely very happy with how this turned out #its a weird experience #i think its because im new to drawing furries #im not really focussing on the fine details or getting it perfect #because i havent been drawing this enough to have a proper grasp of whats “perfect” #so instead i can just make stuff that makes me happy and post it without the stress of fufilling the expectations I uphold for my human art #maybe with time as i get more of a grasp on whats expected with furry art I will fall into the same stress loop i do for my usual art #but until then im gonna milk this joy dry lol #big ramble but hello welcome to my account #furry #anthro #artists on tumblr #fursona #furry art #my art #furry knight

[hella1975]

my mum picking me up this morning: you're not as hungover as i thought you'd be

me, just yacked in an alleyway: yeah haha

#it's 3pm now and i still cant believe that happened that was. an experience #basically my mate's 21st coincided with her sister's 30th so they both had this big joint Event last night #where they literally rented out a farm house and the field nearby and set up a whole campsite and barbeque and everything #it was really random but also really good esp bc ive been friends with this girl since we were super young #and our mums were friends so ive just got. lots of connections to her family and it was nice seeing them all again #but there was fully like 60 people at this thing and i DID drink more than i meant to but i wasn't paralytic which is good #and my hangover ISNT that bad in terms of how bad my hangovers can get #it's just that my mate's dad picked us both up at 9am this morning which was already going to be... rough #and then proceeded to do the bumpiest drive down the country lanes ive ever experienced #i was literally grinding my teeth like i am NOT about to throw up in this man's car please if there is a god do not let me throw up #and i didn't! my mum picked me up from this (thankfully very quiet) road that has this rickety old alley coming off it #and i had the very humbling moment of 'im actually going to be sick aren't i' and had to WAIT FOR AN OLD WOMAN #TO FUCKING MEANDER OUT OF THE ALLEY AND WALK FAR AWAY ENOUGH FOR ME TO AT LEAST HAVE A SHRED OF DIGNITY #and proceeded to throw up. in a public alleyway. at 9:30am on a sunday. so of course i needed to tell you guys about it #im now force feeding myself garlic bread. im going to manchester tomorrow. i have a flight at the crack of dawn on tuesday #what is even going on anymore #also fully did just do nos last night with some 30 year olds. i cannot express how fucking odd a thing that is for me to do #actually no i can express it bc youse know that im funny about drugs so for me to not even be that drunk #and get offered a fucking balloon of all things and be like 'yeah why not!' is.... odd #i know i inhaled wrong though bc it didn't do a thing which honestly im happy about <3 #hella goes home

[caffeinatedopossum]

People be like "merry Christmas" meanwhile I'm over here uncovering new depths of my trauma

#yeah so apparently I experienced csa and I'm honestly not processing that super well #i started just telling people about stuff that happened that i never want to talk about #and they were like 'uh yeah thats csa im sorry you went through that' 💀 #like wdym that was csa?? ahhhdjdj ah djdhdgd #in all seriousness though I've gad a lot of very painful realizations about this lately #like the fact that people knew and not only let it happen but actively tried to allow it to continue #and prevent people who actually try to do anything about it from finding out. including me! i was told it was all normal #like 'oh yes this is all normal. but also dont tell anyone this.' #'not because its wrong but because theyll get the wrong idea' #god. i can't comprehend it #i never thought it was sa because ive always been asexual. i couldnt think of any motive so i just didnt know #i didn't have any grasp of what sexuality was in general. i thought it was like a social construct or a game i was sometimes bad at #i still don't understand. i hate how when i think about it all i feel like a little kid again

[skeletalheartattack]

happy almost birthday :o)

:) thank you!!! there's gonna be a bounce castle at my birthday party and every body is invited

#ask #catboygirljoker #ough.... the passage of time marches on. #on that tuesday i will be 25. fucked up. #i dont really do much for my birthdays honestly. besides my mom taking me out to a restaraunt to eat. #on the day of i just get a good pizza and thats enough for me #a friend did recently offer to get me a desktop computer. and the tower has been here since thursday. #im currently waiting on the monitor. which should arrive in a few days. #im. really bad at accepting gifts. that said. even after having accepted this one im still experiencing grief #the computers an older model. but it runs on windows 10. #im. internally scared to think about what it can and cant run. i even dread thinking about even finding out. #like. ohhhh how id love to play animal crossing city folk again... or even minecraft... #but im doing. my best. to keep my expectations low. #i really hope it runs emulators (gamcube/wii/ps2 era ones) well. i need to play dbz budokai again i need to look at zarbons model again #the monitor is 1080p. which i dont think ive ever had a monitor that high res. #ik that TF2 probably wont run the best. but i hope sourcemods run fine. #ill have to do so much re-installing of things....... ogh..... #it doesnt have a wifi chip so i think temporarily ill have to use a usb to connect to the internet. #which i can live with. ik theyre not as powerful but its fine. maybe at some point ill get a wifi card. #though. i dread the thought <- had internal ptsd thinking about touching anything within a computer again #tldr. had a good laptop. screen went dark one day. was told it was probably the cmos battery. #tried to do repairs myself. ooggh..... the horrible memories.... #ik adding a wifi chip is incredibly easy. but that doesnt mean im not scared #anyway :) thank you for the soon birthday wishes

[notorioushiphopcrew]

also i sent an email i kind of regretted. but also feeling that a large part of that was formed by the very intense emotional state i was in where i was experiencing crazy anxiety and doubts and shame about the way i acted and i felt like everything i wrote in that email was so terrible and also i felt so emotional and so ashamed of it and so sure everyone who knew it woild judge me and know how irrational i am and i could tell logically it probably wouldnt be a big deal but couldnt feel it and like. i feel a bit awkward now but ive fully calmed down and honestly? it was kind of fine actually. its just been a while since ive been UP THERE in that kind of state and i guess it kind of does give you perspective on how your emotional state really affects you so deeply and your perception of things. and like yeah i might retract a few things or be like "eh not mt best move" on some things but realising overall it doesnt matter and i can FEEL that. it is really crazy how many problems exist in your head and you can understand logically its not rational but you just have to bear it for a bit

#but thankfully i calmed down #but damn its been a while since ive been like that #wondering if this also ties into experiences in fhe past and fears about not being taken seriously or being seen as overly emotional #for no reason #that definitely played a big part in things #idk why im oversharing on the internet just felt like maybe i should start postinf all my random thoughts #and experiencing a bit of emotional clarity like after you reach a more balanced state ans go “damn i was strugglin” #but yeah.... #ig my fear and anxiety really was #that i would be seen as so overly emotional and illogical and i wouldnt be taken seriously #and also in addition #the fear about thinking i have not communicated well how others acted torwards me and unneccessarily painting them as villians and using #language that was emotional to describe their actions #and my emotions were so strong i couldnt even handle to remember what i had wrote #but honestly i set clear boundaries and have explained my side of the story and although i dont know if i expressed myself perfectly #yes others did upset me and in my opinion act badly no i dont think its a long term issue and yes i will be taking distance from that happe #ing again #sometimes writing down your thoughts really makes them properly observable to you for the first time #and i am thinking about this writing this post

[robbyykeene]

your blog always reminds ne of how good cobra kai used to be... still haven't watched season 5 but it's nice to know what's going on through you and the other ck blogs i still follow. keep up the good work! as a question: what is your biggest hope and biggest fear for next season?

Ahhh ty!! I really miss when ck was still good. I rewatched it a few months ago expecting to not find s1 as good anymore….but it literally was that good! And that’s the most disappointing part of it all. As far as hopes and fears for s6, i feel like im so beyond caring about anything that is actually happening in this show anymore that i don’t have any hopes or fears lmao. I guess my only wish is that the og cobras come back, but realistically i know that if they do itll just be like. a quick pan over them smiling at the back of johnny and carmens wedding meanwhile daniel is standing up front as best man which. Okay lol

#my REAL hope is they pull a riverdale and have everyone end up in a ginormous polycule (age segregated of course) #but ck is not HALF the show riverdale is unfortunately #im way beyond having any like. investment at all in what happens in the plot. theres going to be no good thematic resolution to anything #i guess i also hope they dont pull a kreesedemption #thanks for sending this!! honestly i envy you for not having seen s5 lmfao it’s probably the worst seaskn of television ive ever experienced #and that is Saying Something #anonynous #asks #i also just. miss this fandom in the earlier days when everyone was genuinely so full of excitement and love for this show. #i feel like now basically everyone just. kinda hates it lol.

[hartmannyoukaigirl]

unironically the western tumblr mutuals i have are the reason i dont wish for a meteor to kill the west for everything they've done. If only i can see that region of the world as the same people in the history textbooks...

But also racism is generally genuinely bad. you can't really pinpoint a certain group of people to be satan's reincarnation because they'll never be that and they'll forever be human. with the flaws and vitues of one.

#not just Tumblr mutuals but ive had western online friends for as long as i can remember honestly #i wish other ppl saw me the same #i feel like i experienced way too much racism directly and indirectly ( like avoiding me and cutting contact when i say im muslim like what #did u expect... ) #when ive always known the culture of foreigners and tried to be respectful smfh #the propaganda is really strong huh

[abstractkind]

listen I've been catching up on like five seasons of the life/traffic smp series. i can be just as rabid about soulmates as any alloromantic person.

#honestly a lot of moments that others consider for shipping are just as compelling to me for nonromantic relationships #a lot of those cute or angsty or touching moments are just as poignant for platonic or queerplatonic relationships as they are for romance #and i enjoy exploring all the possibilities and nuance that could live inside that too #but soulmate aus can also be a rich place to explore aromanticism and its struggles as well #what if the world and fate expected you to be connected to one person by feelings youve never experienced? #hold on ive already heard that before

[cloudbends]

new csm chapter what the helllll

#vi rambling #WHAT IS HAPPENING. WHYS KATANA MAN BACK. #Ok real shit. i hope hes not bringing every single character that died back because that will uh. annoy me. will take away the impact #of their deaths becuase csm's deaths were honestly some of the rawest ive ever seen and experienced #so . ueah hopefully he sticks to the side characters #csm #csm spoilers

[loutrem]

.

#its dumb of me but a few days ago i went with his deadname on google to see if i could see more stuff about his dead #since his friends who were alqo supposed to be my friends did a 'ceremony' together without telling me #even tho i rly wanted to go to be able to grief and to cry it out properly #so since i havent been able to grieve well i did that. search for his deadname. i just wanted to know #and i found out that a page for him was made on the tdor website. there were a ton of details on what was happening #before and after his death #many things i didnt know about. because i was a shit friend and never kept contact. and also because he was secretivz #i feel awful since then. who was i to him. why couldnt i help him. why am i even sorry for myself. he was the one suffering #i keep crying and i cant sleep at night without reading comics until i feel too tired to open my eyes #because otherwise im thinking too much about him. its just too awful. too unjust #i have. weird cravings for alcohol. ive never even drinked much before. im scared of starting to get addicted #but sometimes i wanna get somethibg anything and just drink until i pass out since people say its good to forget #i wish he were still alive. i wish i could hug him and help him. i wish id visited him in the hospital after his 1st mental breakdown #he had sent me a text to tell me he was there but i had work and i was tired and honestly too lazy to go. and now i regret it so bad #its all so unfair. death is so unfair. grief is so unfair. i was afraid i had no heart before because people who died around me didnt #phase me much. i didnt cry. but now that ive experienced the deaths of 2 actually very close people counting one i couldnt grieve forproper #i just wish i had no emotions. that i wouldnt cry when i think of them. but especially him. #and i cant stop thinking about how awful ill be when my parents die. ill be a wreck. #im just crying in my bed and its 4am. everythibg sucks. im so sorry to everyone whos ever met me. im awful #negative / #death m / #suicide m /

[lizard-dumbass]

Guess who finally found out they have athlemaphobia lol

#lizard-dumbass talks about stuff #text post #its me i have athlemaphobia #honestly though im kind of thrilled about this discovery because now i finally understand and have a way to explain my anxiety regarding #sports #oh btw athlemaphobia is the fear of sports/participating in sports #i always knew that sports stressed me out to high hell but only today did i finally discover that what ive been experiencing is an actual #fear of sports and that it has a name #reading about athlemaphobia has helped me undestand this aspect of myself in a whole new light #im really happy to have found this term but oh BOY do i wish i had known about athlemaphobia sooner #knowing i have a genuine phobia of sports would have helped me so fucking much in 8th grade P.E #between half and two thirds of my secondary school p.e has brought me some of the most stressful sports experiences that ive ever had #if i had been able to explain to my teachers that i have a phobia that makes participating in sports anxiety inducing to the point of tears #then i probably would have been able to avoid some of the stress i ended up having to go through #idk i guess this all seems kind of silly but my fear of sports has genuinely been a huge pain in my ass for the majority of my life #i'd even go as far as to say it has had a really negative impact on my life #but nevertheless im still happy i found out about athlemaphobia #because now i have a way to explain my sports related anxiety to people and also take the right steps to manage/treat my phobia #so yay :3

[soggypotatoes]

I did feel a bit sad at the pride event today bc seeing so many happy queer couples.... I don't really get to experience that part of life due to childhood trauma and it make me sad

#not sure when i will get to either #been single for 5 years and honestly #my relationships were a mess #i was very distant and not really in them for the right reasons #so i havent rly experienced much at all #and i feel like i cant until ive done a lot more work #but what happens if i enter my 30s and im still just.. not able... #scary... #amber rambles

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

#okay. i can handle this: #...i just really wish it wasnt so hard to do everything for me. like. ive spent years of my childhood molding myself for the sake of others #and what for? now that im an adult im just trying to completely remove the trauma i experienced as a kid. #and i just look back on all these things that hurt me and think #idk. theres not much to be done. in a way its a relief being able to pinpoint #diary #personal #i was gonna say i wish my mood was more stable but thats not quite right. #i guess i moreso wished i was a bit more resiliant. i wish that not every little thing hurt #or just. i wish i could handle the stressors of life a bit more easily. but i cant. #idk. its been a really rough week to be entirely honest. and then i just have little moments like these #where things sorta feel like they just fall into place. where i feel like i was just a kid. i didnt really understandokay im acting like thi #but really in the end it doesnt stop it for me? everything still hurts so much. #and its still hard to know all the things i need to deal with and do. #and honesty i know i cant handle the stresses that come with adult life. i cant even support myself really #i fully depend on my parents for any and all basic necessities. #i can pay for my health insurance yeah. but thats about it? #i could potentially pay for my phone and maybe other basic necessities. but in practice i cant. #the process of setting these things up is damn near impossible for me. #honestly. i think that while i enjoy the internet and such sometimes this is the worst time for me to exist #bc i just. am constantly stressed with so many things bc of it. and theres not much to be done really. #...i hope i can book an appointment with my therapist sooner than later. #at least i have a bunch of stuff i can do to keep myself busy ig... #but really. thats the problem. theres too much to do and its far too stressful. #well. at least ill be able to play with some things ig. idk. i have a new planner im excited about. #i like planning. i miss studying. i hate working. im tired of only having the options of working out or being in pain. #im just so tired of it all. #that appointment i had with the specialist sorta really made me realize. oh shit. this is my life now and im fucked. #like. i can take anti-inflammatories. but thats it really. my life is just gonna constantly be like this. and im tired. #idk. im gonna go finish my latte.

[sol1loqu1st]

.

#.... #....... #.......... #........... #.................. #think i have osdd #idk though. ive heard it can be one of those things that like... therapists can sometimes suggest to a patient & then the patient sorta #starts to see symptoms that arent really there? #but like...when my previous therapist suggested it it kind of made sense already. like it was a reasonable conclusion #but i did start to notice more symptoms and tbh my memory sucks balls esp when i'm upset. so i can't say for sure #if i was experiencing those symptoms previously #and honestly i dont really have much in the way of distinct childhood trauma. lots of low level trauma but i'm p sure it has to be like... #yeah #like...idk. i feel like it explains a lot in a way that most other stuff just... doesn't. #idk. ive thought i did in the past but mistook something else for alters and im scared im just. doing it again #but like. idk. this one feels a little more likely considering that like... while they never said the word 'osdd' they u #sure did talk a lot abt parts/switching/etc during our sessions and said they thought i probably had at least two other parts #and like... idk i think im at a disadvantage here bc i know terminology and definitions used in did/osdd/etc communities but like #they literally gave the textbook definitions of a little and a persecutor alter when they described what they'd observed #and its just. idk. honestly osdd has always sounded a little bullshit to me bc like #maybe not /everyone/ functions like that but i feel like most nd people or traumatized people or w/e at least experience some level of like #idk arguing with yourself in your brain?? a constant back and forth of 'i'm such a burden i need help on everything im sorry im sorry" and #'you manipulative piece of shit youre just burdening everyone more with all your bullshit traumadumping' etc etc etc #and isn't switching just. mood swings? #(this isnt me doubting the validity of the disorder i just feel like. maybe i just am terrible at regulating my emotions) #idk anyway i just. i really do think it fits. im just worried

[earl-grey-love]

As if depression wasn't bad enough, now the kitten I've been excited for my mum to adopt for two weeks doesn't seem to be happening. I cannot catch a break.

#Im so sick of everything honestly #i cant leave my house without crying for at least an hour first #i cant interact with people without experiencing hard rage over basically nothing #i cant even enjoy music or books or movies or even video games #im just stuck in this cycle of negativity and hate #then at night its crippling anxiety that makes it hard to sleep #i cant stand this at all #i tried playing la vr last night to see roy #and I even got annoyed at him!? #what even is that 🙄 #ive had enough :( #levi speaks #cw vent #tw vent #cw depression #tw depression

[inlovewithobsession]

bro i think i might be nb

#ive honestly been questioning my gender for a loooooooooong long time #since i was in my early teens tbh #and it comes up again from time to time #never really fit in with the girls. never really fit in with the boys. ynow how it is #i was always kind of just.. in the middle #i often feel like people are looking down on me when they refer to me as a woman #and i get kinda dysphoric when they refer to me as a man. even tho i use male pronouns for myself sometimes #like.. no..? im none of those..? #for a long time i thought i was genderfluid cause that was the closest thing to what i was experiencing but i think that wasnt it either #i never really 'vibed' with that term. it just didnt feel right #so lately ive been considering the possibility that i might be nb #i think i only know one or two other nb people irl #so im constantly thinking 'but how do i explain that im nb?' #'but i dont even look nb enough' #which is making me realize i may have a lot more.. prejudices? than i thought i had #maybe im not as open minded as i thought i was.. it kinda makes me feel disappointed in myself #but yea.. #i hate questioning my identity all the time and not knowing exactly who i am #nonbinary