#u can tell how mentally ill i am w this

[mcdonaldsnumberone]

GHOSTIN'!

voicemails they’d leave while abroad

gender neutral reader

ISAGI YOICHI!

“Good morning, dear! It’s probably late there for you, isn’t it? Just thought I’d give you a call. I’ve been busy, but I still wanna try to talk to you as much as I can. I’m thinking of you a lot, did you know that? Haha, you probably do.”

“Playing overseas has been really cool. I’ve always dreamt of doing this as a kid, so it kinda feels unreal even now… It sorta reminds me of the first time I got to play with Noa. I’ll keep doing my best and make you proud!”

“Next time I go abroad, you should come with me. There’s tons of cool things here I’d love to show you, and I’m taking as many pictures I can to send to you… Okay, I think I should probably get ready to go now. I love you so much! I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Bye!”

KURONA RANZE!

“…Hey. How are you doing? You didn’t pick up, so I’m leaving you a message.”

“Things are pretty chill over here. Just the usual: lots of practice, a few games, talking with the coaches in between. Adjusting to the food took a bit, but Isagi managed to get us some microwave rice somehow.”

“…I really wanna hear your voice. Make sure to call me as soon as you can. I’ll try to pick up. Sleeping and waking up by myself is no fun. I need someone to hold and cuddle with. Guess I got used to always having you around. Not that that’s a bad thing. Still, it feels weird to have to braid my hair myself instead of getting you to do it for me. Ugh, that sounds so sappy, doesn’t it?”

“Well, you’ve already seen how down bad I can get for you. Take responsibility, and make it up for me once I come back. Love you, babe.”

“Take care of yourself. I wanna see you all happy and healthy when I come back. Promise me that much. Talk to you soon.”

YUKIMIYA KENYU!

“Hello, love. Have you been doing alright? I’ve been managing here. There’s so much to see and do even outside of my games that I can barely take everything in! It would have been more enjoyable if you were here though. Everything’s more fun when you’re with me.”

“I hope life has been treating you well over there. I know we just called yesterday, but I want to hear from you again. I can’t help myself—you always make me feel better. If you have some free time later, call me back, okay? It’d be even better if we could video call too. Seeing your face would definitely make my day.”

“There are so many cool glasses shops here! Would you prefer me with my round glasses or something more sleek? The guys on my team kept giving me suggestions and taking pics, which is why I kept sending them to you earlier. Do I look handsome?”

“…I miss you so much, sweetheart. Please stay safe.”

OLIVER AIKU!

“Yo, honeybun. Sorry if it’s a bit loud; thought I’d give you a call while I’m on the way to the facility, but it looks like you’re busy. No worries. Shoot me a text later when you have the time.”

“Man, I really miss you. I feel like I’m becoming an old sappy man, but it isn’t the same without you around. I keep seeing all these cute souvenirs and stuff that remind me of you. And… uh- before you get mad at me, I’ve already bought them. So, uh, don’t bother yelling at me. C’mon, I’m a pro player. I can afford to spoil you as much as I want.”

“The coaches here know how to keep me busy. But I’ve been getting better, so I guess it’s worth it. Kinda wish I had a bit more free time to check in with you more, but hey, I gotta take what I can get. Make the most out of what I’m given, you know?”

“Ight, I’ll hang up and call you later. Kiss me through the phone. Muah.”

NANASE NIJIRO!

“Uh… Is it recording? Can you hear me? Okay, hi! It’s me! I’m leaving you a message! Wow, everything here’s sooooo professional and cool; I can’t believe I’m actually a professional player that gets to play overseas! I wish I could telepathically show everything to you, because there’s just soooooo much!”

“I can’t really understand what the foreign players are saying without the translator earpiece though. That’s okay! I always make sure to have it on me. It’d be better if you were here to keep me company though. The guys here aren’t too cuddly once bedtime kicks in, and snuggling with a smelly pillow isn’t the same…”

“…Oops, is that TMI? Hehe, it’s fine! That means being able to hug you and kiss you once I go back will be all the better! Ooh, I can’t wait! I’m gonna take you out on so many dates, have so many sleepovers, and make sure I’m with you as much as I can.”

“Ahhh, I’m blushing! Okay, okay, breathe Nijiro… In, out, in, out… All good! Call me later when you can! I love you sooooo much! Love you, love you, loveyouloveyouloveyou!!”

MICHAEL KAISER!

“Daaaaarling! Are you ignoring my calls? Awww, that’s fine. I know you’ll pick up at some point! Did you see my game last night? Of course you did. I know perfectly well you wouldn’t miss out on any game that I’m in. You wouldn’t miss out on it for the world, right? Not when your talented boyfriend is playing!”

“That means you saw my goals! It’s okay, save your praise for when I come back. Hearing you praise me on the phone is nice and all, but nothing beats holding you in my arms while you tell me how handsome and cool I am… Ahhh, you’re the best.”

“Don’t miss me too much! I’m making sure to post tons of sexy pictures for you on my Instagram. You can’t keep leaving me on read forever! Who knows? I might just hop on a plane and come surprise you if you keep up your antics!”

“Miss you, darling! Make sure to think of me lots!”

x

#blue lock #bllk #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #isagi yoichi #kurona ranze #kenyu yukimiya #oliver aiku #nijiro nanase #michael kaiser #x reader #my writing #u can tell how mentally ill i am w this #slay lock server this is for u <3 #might make a pt 2 for this w other charas bc it was fun to write hehe

[pepprs]

alt*rnative spr*ng br*ak day 1. i need to be on campus in 3.5 hours. i have packed nothing and have done no laundry. i have not prepared for any of the facilitation i need to do today. i am experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety and burnout ♥️

#this is my first time ever doing an in person asb and also my first time being part of the asb planning process and i am soooooo nervous and #unprepared and overwhelmed. and i volunteered myself as the staff member staying at the hotel making sure no one gets into trouble and #responding to crises / emergencies if they arise and i may be assigning more importance / weight to that role than there actually is given T #that they are all college students and i am less than a year removed from being a college student myself. but i am so nervous i want to #redacted. and i am not prepared for the situations that might arise. at all whatsoever. lollllll #purrs #btw unlike the retreat tag or the conferences im name dropping asb bc like every school has them and a lot of schools have spring break this #week. so i am not doxxing myself 😈 (and i didn’t need to tell u that but im doing it lol. aaaaand post) #delete later #also the amount of stress i have been under lately w work is like. actually insane and we are not getting a break (though i should take one #lol) but after this is over i will have my life back a little bit maybe and i hate to say im looking forward to it so much but i am. i just #want to rest and recover. it’s literaly been nonstop since we were abandoned in july (lol) and i feel so crushed by the weight of everything #we’ve been carrying and how much responsibility i have had to take on in my FIRST YEAR!!!!!!!!! and i would’ve gone crazy if i hadn’t takej #on big responsibilities ofc bc of my mental illness <3 but the impostor syndrome + the relentlessness intensifying every single day are just #so so so heavy to carry. and i can feel my mind and body and heart giving out but i have to keep pushing forward

[toastsnaffler]

man. getting a little sick of being everyones 15th option for everything. when is it my turn to be someone's first choice :^[

#or even second tbh I'll take it #i had a couple old friends from college msg me recently to tell me what theyve been up to #which is sweet and i care abt them n wanna hear it! but they dont ask after me or show any interest in how I'm doing #and it makes me feel like I'm just their journal or smth. a brick wall they happen to be standing near #don't get me wrong I love to be useful. but when ppl only ever interact w u bc they need smth from u. well. #rly not doing anything good for this complex im developing where my self worth is directly tied to my usefulness to other ppl lmfao #i dont want to be ppls fucking dog!! or not any more than i already am but whatever thats all im good for i guess!! #and i desperately want someone to be my fave person rn bc all my energy is going nowhere + im at my best when im at my most devoted #so ppl treating me like this rn is just making me incredibly vulnerable to being taken advantage of. #like yeah i am eager to please and ill follow anyone around and do whatever for a crumb of attention but maybe #if you're actually my friend u shouldnt be encouraging that behaviour. even if it makes u feel good like cmon thats not so cool man #or if you ARE going to encourage it then maybe u should acknowledge the power dynamic ur creating + try not to abuse it. idk 🤷‍♂️ #urgh idk maybe im just saying words rn im very tired #I just feel like all the friendships etc I have atm are slipping into that dangerously unbalanced zone + becoming v one way #and I don't know what I'm doing wrong I'm trying the best I can and I guess its just not enough for anyone and that really really sucks #I'm doing better mentally rn but I dont currently have a support system + there are a lot of destabilising forces in my life #so im just. worried abt the direction things could take if I lose this foothold I've dragged myself onto yknow. #and I wouldnt have to be so worried abt that all of the time if I just had someone literally anyone I could rely on or even trust #but oh well. it is what it is. doing all I can to take care of myself so hopefully it won't come to that anyway. #sorry for rambling on so much if u read this far I'm giving u a kiss on the cheek don't worry abt me honey I've got this #anywayy goodnight #.vent #.diaries

[chryblossomjjk]

bts fic recommendations | 01.25.23

→ hi friends! this is a little segment i do every tuesday (reviewsday get it, aren’t i funny, pls tell me how funny i am) where i read and review two-three fics. as a content creator, i know how big of a role other creators play in your growth, therefore, i want to do my part in making sure everyone gets the recognition they deserve! so with that being said, please check out the amazing fics listed below. make sure to like, reblog, and leave feedback! ♡ #reviewsday #kikirecs

scent of eager suds - @rkivian (knj x reader | smut, angst, pwp, fluff)

summary: you missed each other, too fucking much. but your head had stayed down in futile hopes of remaining stubborn, forgetting that there is a wedding ring on that tricksy little finger of his for a reason.

so..... genuinely convinced you are the reincarnate of shakespeare babe bc like:

"He would spend a considerably scant amount of time on such a task, yet fulfil it so thoroughly that the constant aching between your legs seemed more equitable than you would like it to be."

LOOK WHAT YOU DO WITH WORDS!!! like everything is so precise. i can tell there's so much thought put into every single word of this piece and woah.. the writing is fucking stellar, seriously. like just the words you use throughout this displays how the reader feels about being vulnerable with joonie: cruel, vengeful, venomous. u put pwp but like you characterized the fuck out of this reader and it's so good...

also... this is thee kim namjoon. like as someone who is v much similar to the reader and self sabotages relationships, ppl who love you enough to recognize that trait and do their best to prove u wrong

AND YOU DID THAT ALL THROUGHOUT THE FLITHIEST NASTIEST SEXIEST SMUT EVER PLS HE'S SO HOT LIKE HE TRULY JUST WANTS TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD INSIDE AND OUT AND IM GATEKEEPING HIM!!!! this was so so so beautiful and thank you for sharing with plebeians like me :') &lt;3

the one where jin is drunk off his face and you get friend-zoned - @indgio (ksj x reader | fluff, crack)

saf everything you write just comforts my soul. it's missing jin hours around these parts and this is exactly want i needed. i don't know how to explain it but this gives me run episode vibes? like... this is legit kim seokjin. I COULD TOTALLY PICTURE HIM DOING SOME SHIT LIKE THIS LMAO WHAT A SWEET BABY!

also love this oc fr. like from the opening paragraph i could already tell she's the most adorable, most precious being, and you proved it throughout the rest :') <3 taking care of ur drunk partner trope will never not get me and you did it so splendidly ugh will definitely be coming back to this when im sad and 3am and missing my seokjin :'( thanks for this ily <3

"tell me more about this girlfriend of yours."

but jin looks at you with a frown, as he downs the water. "no. get your own."

^also for whatever reason this took me tf out lmao

the one where jungkook will always protect you, even from the fictional - @indgio (jjk x reader | fluff, humor)

bby istg your writing is so... refreshing? like i always think i need these super crazy, convoluted, heavy plots for my fics to be good, but your writing is proof that doesn't have to be the case. your writing is so effortless, yet so beautiful. like once again, genuine comfort content that i don't see too much of anymore. going through your masterlist has really inspired me to take a new avenue, because your fics are just so fucking addicting. i just love the slice of life vibes so much uGh okay enough nutting over u and onto the fic sehfbjsehbdhwb

pov ur saf in my brain BC THE AMOUNT OF TIMES IVE DAYDREAMED ABOUT THIS EXACT SCENARIO IS MENTAL ILLNESS (was just picturing binge watching AOT w him :'))

this jungkook is such a golden retriever ass boyfriend my heart can't take it. the banter ?? the protectiveness ?? THE BITING THE EAR ??? naur im in love it's settled. adding him to the list of fav jungkook portrayals on tumby. will be thinking about him when im bored in the back of my lecture tomorrow. thank you for daydream fuel &lt;3

stfu yes it's wednesday get off my back >:'( i posted this early last week and was just trying to even the timing out that's all... im lying. anyways, love u lmao

#reviewsday #kikirecs #bts #jeon jungkook #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts fic recs #jungkook fic #namjoon fic #seokjin fic #bts x reader #bts jungkook #bts namjoon #bts seokjin #jungkook x reader #namjoon x reader #seokjin x reader #namjoon smut

[jennilah]

I think i started to follow you bc of tiny!cas, like eons ago, let me tell you seeing you get into different fandoms over the years has been a delight.

I remember seeing post of you going like 'hey these slasher film kinda go hard' and look at you know.

I mean this in the best way possible, I feel i've been watching a house plant grow, every now and then catching my attention and being amazed by the changes

omg thats such a sweet way of describing my... well happy autism awareness day everyone, its a nice way of describing the way i naturally transition through my Special Interests lmfao

actually, for the holiday, let me infodump about this very aspect of my brain to anyone who isnt aware how this works for me. (also every autistic person is different, so this is just how this symptom manifests in me)

ill say "phases" to simplify, though thats an unfair word because it implies im "over" my past phases. 99% of my past phases are pretty much there for life, but in the back of my mind. (So long as I didnt have a "bad breakup" with it for some reason, which is rare but happens) The ability to become a raving lunatic about it is dormant until someone asks the right question.

There can only be one interest (sometimes 2, with one being the less dominant one) at the forefront of my brain at a time, though. that defines the "phase".

so for example, my recent Halloween phase is "over" and I am 100% fully into Saw now, but I still absolutely love Halloween and Michael and Jason and all those guys. as evident by me still happily sharing gifsets and art and buying merch etc if it tickles my fancy. They're just hanging out in the background of my mental display case.

yea whoever follows my tumblr for a very long time has watched it happen in realtime. the transition between interests. i know for a fact which phase I started this blog on. if you're here from the beginning, youve seen, in order:

-Durarara!! -Deus Ex -Supernatural -Godzilla -Detroit: Become Human -There was like a few weeks where it was HLVRAI -And then it was plants. There was a year-long stretch with no Special Interest and I was latching onto odd things (and I was very inactive here) -Halloween & Friday the 13th -and now, Saw

I have many other things I love, but they don't clamp around my brain in quite the same extreme way.

my phases can last any amount of time, anywhere from a few short intense months to 5+ years, its completely random, completely unpredictable. even the interest itself is impossible to predict. its not something i choose, its something that happens to me.

sometimes i avoid watching things for a long time because im still very emotionally attached to my current phase and im genuinely afraid the shiny new thing will replace it. all art or fic ideas for the previous phase? theyll be abandoned. all I will want to create will be related to the new thing. (though I will sometimes draw it anyway, like digging up old toys to play with once in a while. The likelihood just drops considerably)

which is why right now i pretty much put a pause on the other franchises I plan on watching. I'm genuinely gripping onto Saw like someone is tryin to take it from me.

and then sometimes im like "haha yeah right. ill be fine. ill eat my shoe if my brain latches to this" and then put on the movie and by the credits roll im a new person (yes thats what happened with Saw. I really had no idea.)

this is also why im terrified of even just "checking out" things that have, like, a toxic fanbase or something, because i cant stop a new phase from happening if it does. and its really hard to keep it to myself, fuck

(do u know how mad i was when i realized i was attaching to hoffman the evil dirty cop??? i was so scared of drawing him, dudes. but thankfully everyones been cool abt it and we're all very aware of his awfulness & we have fun w it)

and every time my brain changes and i do get obsessed with some new thing, i get really scared and worried and hope I dont bother everyone who followed me for something else :(((( and yet, every time, im absolutely floored by how many people choose to tolerate my newest nonsense and stick around anyway

anyway ive lost the plot of what point i was making here OH YEAH thank you!

tl;dr: that would be the autism! thank you, it WILL happen again! that is a threat! 🥰

#jennilargh #jenna answers

[minipisi-is-dumb]

hai, sorry to bother, but what exactly is giftedness? i dont think i trust google on it and id rather hear about it from someone who's gifted. is it like being a genius or something?

hiii thanks for asking about it!!! and sure lemme tell ya

it's a bit lengthy sorry

ill briefly explain the symptoms and then other extra stuff, thanks so much for asking, not a lot of people know about it :)

giftedness is a form of neurodivergent condition/neurodivergency or however you call it, that is characterized by asynchronous development between intelectual and "chronological" growth

an easy way to explain it (even if the theory is disproven so it's just as example) is how people see mental ages

you might be chronologically 15, but intellectually, your needs are those of a 19 y/o and emotionally your regulation is that of a 13 y/o. that's what asynchrony means essentially

the current "official" way to diagnose people is through iq tests, they're not always specific and is usually in a margin of error, but if it's a legit test and not one of those online, is used to measure the amount of connections your brain has. of course the results may vary if you have more than one neurodivergency or you have a mental illness. it's always important to discuss it with your doctor!

the more connections u have per braincell → the faster processing you got. the amount of connections is measured by iq number

the criteria for being diagnosed is simply getting 130 or more in the iq test, there's different types of depth to giftedness as a condition, just like there're different symptoms and levels of depth for autism, but that's the beauty of it isn't it

and contrary to what you might think, fast processing can be very difficult, it feels like your brain goes faster than you all the time you are asked a question, say, in a test, and you just know the answer! that's it, you can't explain it even to yourself. your brain "skips" steps to get to a conclusion since we don't have a linear way of thinking, or you make connections at the moment that somehow end up making sense all the time and you don't even realize it. it's overwhelming

other important symptoms are similar to other nds like autism or adhd like being able to hyperfocus, stimming or sensory sensitivity, but there are some different ones like latent inhibition deficit

latent inhibition deficit (you can google it for better understanding) it's basically not being able to prioritize the information you recieve

have you ever found yourself in a restaurant or a crowded space, and even if there's a lot of talking and music, eventually you "forget about it" and stop paying attention to it since it's not important? That's latent inhibition!!! your brain can filter information, wether is sensory or cognitive and ignore whatever it doesn't see as important

my brain can't, I am always listening to the music, the people talking in the room, small changes in smell, sound or how too many colors confuse me and give me migraine, my brain cannot "filter" importance in it, so it pays attention to everything and sees it all as important since it perceives it as one whole thing

connecting most of the stuff around you or "seeing the big picture" always is very normal, feeling like everything is happening at the same time simultaneously and you can't just pick and choose is the best way I can describe it

we also have overexcitabilities!!! that is a bit long to explain but you can google it

here's a very useful explanation that also mentions giftedness, since the term was created from studying our behavior

here's my favorite talk about the topic, I watched it years after being diagnosed and it explains it very well, the woman giving the talk is gifted herself and works in gifted education programs too!

she also has a talk about overexcitabilities!!

I really like this image because it is a quick way to see some basic symptoms, is not the be all of it but you can get a general idea compared to autism and adhd, since there's more info about them around

Alright we done w that

the BIGGEST misconception about giftedness is that it is just good grades, it's a complex condition just like any other! adhd is not "just getting distracted", autism is not "just being socially awkward" and giftedness is not "just being a genius"

I cannot stress enough how grades have nothing to do with giftedness , in fact, most gifted people end up dropping school or college since it never fits fully fits our educational needs

giftedness and academic achievement are not inherent to one another, you can be neurotypical and have good and bad grades too, it doesn't matter really . it could be a clue for some, where good grades might lead a parent to take the test, but the results are not there just because of grades or high achievement rate

now we need to talk kinda quickly abt ableism and how the concept of iq was originally created to stigmatize non-white races, women and neurodivergent conditions

the first people to coin the term for iq were (shocker) rich white men who liked the idea of being smarter than everyone else

however, the arbitrary measurement used to discriminate towards people on the bases of iq started to change it's perspective

we know NOW that there's a lot more than "just genius" and is a complex condition people like me live without, but the subconscious idea of high iq being something that makes you ""superior "" is still around due to it's origins and lack of common knowledge. the stigma about telling other people you're gifted is huge, people change the way they percieve you, they change the way they treat you, or at best you seem like an egocentric superb who thinks they're better than everyone

it's sorta how being a narcissist is used as an insult or to demonize the actual condition instead of people actually understanding what it is to have npd? kinda that. if you call yourself gifted you're basically doomed to be the egocentric one

and languages outside of english don't make it better.

for Spanish (my native language) even though we have one of the best resources imo for giftedness (the book "¿Demasiado Inteligente para ser feliz?") we also have the term "superdotado" that translated roughly means "super gifted". not doing much for the "we're literally people and not inhumane geniuses" part

but UGHHHH I kinda think that's most of my base info for u, I am SO happy you're interested, I have a little giftedness tag you can look at, and there's also gifted-centered blogs around this site

thanks for reading!!!

#minipisi.txt #giftedness #minipisi.asks #neurodivergency #neurodivergent #actually gifted

[charliespringverse]

iwbft — thursday: a brief summary of my annotations

all highlighted quotes: 135

· ouch/ow/owie: 7

· real/felt/relatable/so true: 0

· aroace: 0

· ☹/☹☹/☹☹☹: 3

I like knowing that I've been there since the beginning. — lol hipster... me w BiT tho

I can't stop myself laughing, trapped under the cape, and I catch a glimpse of Lister grinning at me, a soft smile, one that reminds me of years ago, back when this was all new and exciting and fun, back when we really were children. — god i love this bit . it is so gentle and tender

People are coming up with some hilarious explanations for the Jowan photo and the Rowan/Bliss reveal, such as it's a ploy by their management, out to stir up some extra publicity to keep attention on The Ark [...] — devastating phrasing for rpf shippers everywhere

it didn't destroy me in the way I thought it would when the news eventually came that Jowan, love itself, wasn't real.. Maybe I sort of knew it was a lie all along. — 10 points for recognising that rpf ships aren't real, -2 for the nihilistic depressive worldview . get therapy x

Unpleasant phone call? Yesterday morning? I heard nothing about that. — well u definitely heard Hints but i'll let u off due to the autism x

Playing our songs when the entire audience is empty is always a laugh, because we're just playing for ourselves, and we can deliberately get stuff wrong and play games like Lister trying to get us out of time and Rowan adding in harmonies where there aren't normally and me changing the lyrics of our most famous songs. — i'd die for them fr LET THESE BOYS HAVE FUN MORE OFTEN

every time the laughing stops his expression drops and he looks like he's about to cry. — me when i leave my friend's house & the mental illness comes back

He just leans in and kisses me. My stomach lurches. Not because I'm excited, but because I'm shocked and I'm getting flashbacks of the last time I did this. Never my idea, is it? I want to, I want to kiss a boy in some dramatic way but I don't too, not when it doesn't feel right. — ☹ bad parallel

You think you've got it all sorted but you don't! You're just the same as me. You're both just as bad as I am. — ,,,,, he's not far wrong tbf

'You don't have to... like me back,' he says, and his voice breaks but I can't tell whether he's laughing or trying not to cry. 'But please don't hate me.' — AGONY (note: this is written in huge letters)

I thought the three of us would be friends forever. I can't deal with these unsaid feelings. I don't want to know about them. I don't want to think about them. — kick me in the cooch it'd hurt less

'Everything's bad.' 'Nothing bad is going to happen to you.' But it feels like it is. 'I am not afraid,' says Rowan softly. 'Remember?' — KILL ME OFF (note: this is written in huge letters)

I'm gone, I'm already gone, I'm up above the three of us and gazing down at the three bodies and wondering who on Earth decided that these three pathetically flawed human beings deserved so much worship. — i wanna write an essay on depersonalisation in jimmy's narration

Jimmy's smile is so wide - a youthful, dreamlike grin - as he gazes over the crowd — to the tune of the maybelline jingle: maybe it's a youthful dreamlike grin, maybe it's dissociation

There is something inexplicable tying them together. — it's trauma

Most fans would defend them until their last breath, form an army to keep them from harm or discomfort. — can't speak to how deliberate this was but . army in the bts sense is a fun connection

I didn't get to meet The Ark. I didn't get to tell them anything. — give it a day luv x

I am dragged into the flood. — BORN TO SURVIVE THE STORM BORN TO SURVIVE THE FLOOD

He doesn't look like himself without the airy smile that I always see in the photos and videos. — false! he looks more like himself then you've ever seen!

Of course he looks impossibly beautiful too. I desperately want to hold him. — NOT THE TIME

He's afraid of me. Me. Me. The human embodiment of a caterpillar. — something something self perception vs other ppl's perception, parallels the fandom vs celebrity experience something something

His eyes are wide and fearful. The beauty that I'd admired there has gone. — he's becoming real...

It just makes me feel like I'm really here. Holding this piece of me in my hand. — depersonalisation & grounding .......

God, I want to hug him. I want to hold him and let him cry gently into my shoulder. — not the time for a wattpad self-insert y/n imagine queen

I just stop registering what's happening around me. It's not really happening to me. It's all just happening to this body that people call Jimmy Kaga-Ricci. — depersonalisation!!!!!

It's funny because it's true. — TORI?

'I'm not in here any more,' I say, pointing at my chest. 'This is all happening to someone else.' 'Are you... okay?' I laugh at him again. — depersonalisation (note: this is in big letters and double underlined)

I'm sure that when The Ark arrive, I'll feel happy. I know that when The Ark arrive, I will feel happy. — ow . it's almost like relying on external factors to fix ur mental health is like a plaster on a bullet hole

I'm sure that when we start playing, I'll feel happy. — they're so nsync

Why do I feel like he's died when he's right there in front of me? — because you loved a fantasy and now reality has kicked in amen

I just turn back and stare up at them, waiting, praying for something good to happen, something good to make me feel okay again, just as it always has until today. But I don't feel anything. — yeah yeah the emotional void we all know it

— future college/uni essay idea: religion vs fandom with a specific focus on the osemanverse/hstv fandom w iwbft & rs as backup

#posting this at 4am friday bc i was toddler sitting all afternoon and then Wiped Tf Out w a pain & fatigue wave all evening #but heyyyy to those of u that check the tag like the morning paper #iwbftreread #side note i should've added a counter for how many bastard times i reference depersonalisation #a job for a future reread i think #also that final one isn't tied to a specific quote i just find it interesting . bc the way the exact fandom toxicity alice has been — #— exploring in their work for years has started playing out in (some parts) of the hs fandom is so interesting to me #also infuriating . but also i find the most interesting things tend to also be a fair bit infuriating

[fairycosmos]

I have a crush on u and it's actually making me kinda sad. its embarrassing, I don't know u, u don't know me. and there's not really a 'chill' way to begin conversation (not that u'd like me anyway, so no point, lol). I get internet crushes are embarrassing n stupid. but seeing how u respond to people alone, is enough for me to feel something u kno? it never fails to amaze me how attentive & present & thoughtful and deeply compassionate u are to each & every person. it's never dismissive in the slightest, and doesn't feel like ur attending to an 'audience' but actually just so attentive and in tune in the most resonant way with each person. u care. u have such a great capacity to empathise w others, to make people feel seen n heard. and it somehow seems effortless, and just undeniably genuine. you're special. please preserve this precious part of u.

awwww angel you are so so sincerely sweet <3 dw i get this for ppl online sometimes it's sort of a parasocial thing but then it's also about like. finding companionship and security and a sense of true appreciation for ppl online in the absence of having it IRL and i can totally understand how that can morph into some semblance of a crush if you get crushes on people quickly. i really really appreciate it and am so deeply flattered for real <3 esp with how fucking unloveable i feel all the fucking time lmfao!! the thing is i know it's soooo cliche but i think it's just easy to read me that way on here when in reality i am just straight up not that emotionally or physically desirable - and u would get over it quickly if you knew me, i absolutely promise lmfao. anyway it's prob cringe and unhealthy but yeah i Absolutely do care ab the ppl who make an effort to interact with me and open up to me on here and i find a lot of solace in knowing im not the only one who is severely mentally ill and struggling lmfao. i very much want people to feel seen and heard like i rmr when i was 16 and people first started telling me ab their lives on here and i was like Well i know how shit it is to feel unacknowledged and if i can give that to this person through my silly little blog why fucking not - whether it resonates with them or not, whether able to solve anything for them or not. i don't think it's anything particularly special, in fact i think a lot of people feel the same on here which is why we're often so open and vulnerable with each other, but yeah i am just another person trying my best. and this blog has been a massive comfort to my during a time where i have been genuinely entirely emotionally isolated and honestly not reading reality correctly or healthily - i know i still don't. i'm like not right in the head in a way that isn't easy to explain away and i know a lot of people on here are too (lmfao sounds like shade but i mean it earnestly.) so i think it's a two way street and i appreciate the ppl who keep up with me and who i keep up with a lot, prob more than i can articulate. i do make the effort to not be dismissive and i really adore you for seeing that and being truly kind about it. ab the feeling of having a crush - again, i am seriously so flattered and blushing and screaming inside at the absolute compliment lmfao. if ur ever in a place where you want to get to know someone (and obviously ur around my age and you think we'd get along well) - hey my dms are open!! i'd love to know ya and keep up with you too. MWAH <3

#anon #thinks ab this eternally and writes it on my grave

[joshriku]

Hello! do you have any cherik fic recs?

i have . so many. (pukes and cries) this is gonna be long but to start off i'm gonna give you my ultimate faves of like. each iteration. so i can be insane. i won't make summaries bc im bad i will just tell you how insane i am.

general thing that none of these have a sad ending or triggering topics bc im. im . I Like Happiness

-curses that can't be lifted by sotano: see. this is about cherik early comics canon right. when they just met in haifa. AND OOOOOOO GH oGH oghghgOGOH I LOVE LEAVING COMMENTS. I LEAVE LONG COMMENTS. I AM VERY ILL IN THE BRAIN WHEN IT COMES TO LEAVING COMMENTS. BUT I LITERALLY STILL CANT FIGURE OUT WHAT TO SAY IN THIS BC I LOVE IT SO MUCH. LIKE ILL COME AROUND EVENTUALLY OF COURSE. BUT IVE READ IT LIKE 50 TIMES AND ITS SO GOOD ITS SO GOOD IT MAKES ME DERANGED i was reading it yesterday again. as i do. and i had to close the tab bc it made me so unwell. i'm so normal

-afterlife by anna: this fic is so good but for my mental health it's in shambles. You don't get it. i'll be pacing around my room thinking back of scenes in this and im like ALRIGHT. PAUSE TO THROW UP AND CRY. EVER SINCE IVE READ THIS I HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME DO YOU UNDERSTAND. IT'S POST DAYS OF FUTURE PAST AND THAT MAKES ME SO ILLLLLLL I LOVE DOFP SO BAD AND I LOVE CHARLES IN IT AND im like oh man i need something to make me cry and puke and shit myself and cure my depression im gonna read that fic again. And i do it. and i am cured. after i cry myself out to this i am so normal again

-someplace that is green by mugsandpugs: oh my god. Also bad for my mental health like (pucnhign myself) YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. it's technically x-men evolution but if you know cherik you'll understand it either way so. just. wow. erik can fit so much trauma. I can fit so many emotions. i can be so mentally ill. IREAD IT SO MUCH LIEK THE SLOOOOOWWBWBURRNNNNNNNNN AHH AHH AHH (PUKES AND CRIES) AHH WANDA AND PIETRO. AH. DEAR GOD. U DONT GET IT !!!!!! THE WORLDBUILDIGN!! (curls up and cries)

ok yeah. i'll put under the cut all the other recs i have sorry for being unwell

you should read everything by ao3 user sotano btw. not to be demented or deranged. but they never miss. everything they ever write is so . Oh my god. U dont get it. im ill. i will buy them a house

-tabula rasa by o2doko: the telepathy exploration of this goes so fucking hard

-fair verona by ha_neul: i love gender so much you don't ungerstand trans fics are the world to me they really arre

-tesselation by nekosmuse: oh my god. i mean it's a popular fic so it's probably been read. BUT THE SLAY. GOD. THE WRITING. PUKES AND DIES

-travel advisory by penknife: SORRY FOR RECCING 2003 FICS BUT FLOGOGHGOGOGH THE 2003 PEOPLE GOT IT IN WAYS NOBODY ELSE DIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

-no capes by dedkake: this just hits all the spots of needing lighthearted comedy and keeping the magneto / professor x dynamic i so desperately crave. i love when authors play around with their identities while loosely sticking to canon hehe

-all these miles (just to get back home) by isthiswhatiam: you gotta read everything he posts tbh BUT this one is my personal fav i love post dark phoenix u_u

-in dreams begin responsibility by kass: im telling u the pre 2011 fics go so hard. and for what. My god. uim ill it's so good

-sweet by sadbigchungus: its so good. Do u know how fukcing hard it is to get krakoa cherik content. hard. but this hits all the sweet spots i love it so much it's so good

-a good night's sleep by insertsthmeaningful: Can i just say this author writes so much good fic and i am absolutely obsessed. as well as im obsessed w post assassination in xforce cherik like aoghogogjogghOGGH

-the way it travels in and keeps emitting light by populuxe: it's OGHGOGH i love reading this one. it's so hard to find fics that actually talk about disabilities and this one does it SO well and erik is SO perfect in this fic im sick!!

-a nice boy (the family matters edition) by pocky_slash: i don't wanna talk about how hard i cry when i reread this one i might have family issues of sorts.

-a winter's journey by red: i love old cheirk so mcuh it makes me want to eat my ownf oot

-the trouble with trilbies by obstrinatix: I LOVE. OLD MEN. CHERIK

-& other words by questors: this is so good like the worldbuilding genuinely floors and runs me over until im nothing but an useless dough

-necessary downtime by unforgotten: i . old cherik. Ogjjgjkrlgjlslkfd

-bug on a plate by lindstrom: ANOTHER ONE THAT ACTUALLY DESCRIBES DISABILITIES SUPER WELL AND DOESNT SHY AWAY FROM THEM ITS A HITTTT AND MIDDLE AGED CHERIK JUST HTIS DIFF SORRY

-the last love song and testament of charles f xavier by midrashic: u know what i said about liking afic so much u cant actually bring urself to properly word the comment so youre just waiting and waiting to properly say smth. Yea thats me w this fic too. why's it so fucking good. how am i meant to word my emotions. but hey if i got around to commenting on Afterlife i will to this

-one second and a million miles by madneto: nothing has ever put me through such a slowburn like this fic like it was so insane and crazy i felt like god was slapping me. PLUS. IRENE AND RAVEN ARE IN IT......SLAY!

-bloodbound by ikeracity: u know i didnt care about vampire fics until THIS ONE. WHERE I WAS LIKE. OH. OKAY. THEYRE GOOD ACTUALLY I SEE THE LIGHT IT MAKES SENSE NOW.

-the golden mean by somuchmorethanyouknow: IT'S SO GOOD OK. THE WAY I WISH THIS FIC WAS CANON JSUT BC IT WAS SO GOOD. THE GENOSHA BUILDING OF IT ALL. MY GODDDDDD! I LOVED IT. SO PAINFULLY GOOD. THE WRITING OF CHARLES AND EIRK IS SO EXCEPTIONAL BUT SO IS EVERYONE ELSE IN THE FIC TOO. AH

-make me stay by lynds: well. what can i say. who's to say no to a little telepathy play. sorry for liking bottom erik. as if it's my fault

-before you attempt me (fair warning) by kianspo: i read this one time i was really sad and i shouldnt have because i started crying about never being able to find a love like the one in this fic. anyway it's super good

-everything about it is a love song by pocky_slash: its bad for me. old cherik makes me go through itnso much. i cant believe ill never find love like this

-feels like you're mine by annejumps: Sorry for bottom erik enthusiast. AS IF ITS MY FAULTNTO HAVE SUCH GOOD TASTE

-because it's you that sets the test by equestrianstatue: [DERANGED NOISES] IM LIKEBSO CASUAL ABOUT THIS FIC IM NOT EVEN MENTALLH ILL.

-special studies in mutant topics by populuxe: my ao3 bookmark says "filed under fics i read while having a mental breakdown and saved my mental health" you can bet its so good and sexy and Oghgogngntnntnngng i will have to marry this authors writing style. SUBBING TO THIS AUTHOR ISNT ENOUGH I HAVE TO BUY THEM DINNER IDK

but also the sex thing: this fic ruined my ability to watch dofp. no matter how many times i watch it ill be quoting this fic along to it

thats it. for Now. i actually have more but some of them are just the real popular ones so im like. Yeah youve read it. BUT THE REST MIGHT BE FOR NEXT TIME. I GUESS. SORRY. THIS GOT OUT OF HAND

#asks #I love fanfic and i love talking about fanfic and i love writing fanfic and i love fanfic. #touches this post. mental illness #cherik

[vanadiumheart]

🎶✨ when u get this u have (the option) to put 5 songs u actually listen to. then send this ask or tag 10 of your friends/followers/just some guys you feel like if you feel like✨🎶

I make da rules

1. Dream Sweet in Sea Major from Hawaii: Part II

My friend Megan first sent me this song. It is long and I love it very much and it's one of the songs that we will send eachother lyrics from at random. I like that it feels like dreams feel, or how moving through any like area feels to me sometimes. Like traveling through scenes, all more or less connected or distinct from one another. Someone us doing a radio announcer voice. It may reference 9/11. I like how the visions anf words roll around in my head, and isn't that really all we can ask for?

2. Kansas Remembers Me Now by Orville Peck

I don't remember if this song is on my crazy playlist (playlist that is for songs that feel like they touch the things that happen in my brain that make me feel crazy or that are called being crazy) but maybe it could be. The radio static and the strange off kilter twang to the guitar (?) make this song warm and eerie and the color of red gravel and rocks and 7 pm. If I remember correctly it's referencing a murder but in general it's about infamy and consequences and those being however temporarily eschewed in the face of this other guy. Calm after the worst has been done and can't be cleaned off your hands. Also don't ask to see the crazy olaylist because it's been years since I made it and it's almost definitely embarrassing now. Ask me back in 2018 and I'll look at you with a tight expression and wide eyes and ask how the fuck you heard about it.

3. Kamikaze by. Who other than. One Carly Rae Jepsen

I will tell you that I listen to almost every Carly Rae Jepsen song sans I guess anything off Tug of War (sorry to Tug of War) and you will believe me if you have any sense or eyes or have spoken to me about music even once whereupon I will have shyly announced to you that she is my favorite and you will have added a mental note next to my file in your mind that just read "Gay little bitch?"

Kamikaze is the one from The Loveliest Time that dug under my skin from the first time I heard it. When The CD Arrives, Then You Will Realize. I love the sharpness of it and the fatalism. I like the clarity about how it's decisions being made in the song, not necessarily helpless but made against better judgement. Carly Rae I'm free Thursday and

4. Good Wife by Mika

All of my go to favorite Mika songs are sadder Mika songs and idk what to tell people about that. I am normal for having Erase come to mind before Grace Kelly. Don't ask. I love the kind of like railing against God's design and taking on the idea of a good housewife but doing it sideways style. I love this sad song about the impossibility of like heterosexual ideals and dreams and feeling desperate to save people from them. Let's not talk about it, rest your head upon my shoulder.

5. Oh Maker as covered by Left at London

God!!!!!!!!!!!!

This cover. Feels like my heart is breaking and also being held in someone's hands. It feels like a ringing light. Like a humming cord pulling through me.

Ringing like light rings faces. Like voices ring out. Aggyhyyhhh

This is the first version of the song I heard. I've heard and liked the original but this is always the one I go back to

Ty @deneviere and I hope neither you nor the original crafter of the game minds me taking mentally ill liberties w the rules

Umm

@angelofsappho @knifekirby @battybiscornu @skyberia @astropups

Don't feel like you gotta but also get fucking tagged, fools

#I edited the copypasta bc I do what I feel like #tag game #I don't feel comfortable tagging anyone else bc I am 3 invhes tall. I hope you understand #I feel like the tenor of this post really warps and shifts as it goes along #Just a bit

[girlwithfish]

idk why I wld treat myself like that like im tired but im gonna keep going and not give myself the rest my body is telling me to get. Idk maybe im just lazy and u r supposed to just push thru. and really the mental illness and maybe some physiological physical unknown stuff affects me really bad but esp the mental illness. like when id be tired after being at school all day in like hs and I would get yelled at for napping like idk. I just def feel that's not the approach to go if u srsly don't want ur child resting when they're tired maybe figure out what's wrong w them or try to help them or just not use judgment and criticism and shame to be the pillars of how u parent. Idk if its a generational thing but it's been getting me down lately and making me feel a little resentful and just like confused I guess? bc I think of how if I had a child I wouldn't want to impose such mindsets onto them like oh you're tired you're lazy. how is that helpful or compassionate or showing them ur a safe figure for them to feel comfortable around. Idk maybe it's cuz ik how the effects r being raised like that after 20 years and maybe it seems harmless when ur the parent doing that and it's a generational thing bc my mom is like 65 but idk. it just seems almost cruel. or at least just cold. Now that im Adult it's like If I'm tired I am going to nap ik how my mental health affects me and makes me fatigued why would I torture myself and make myself suffer more and ignore that or not meet that need but idk again maybe im just lazy. and I srsly think I have some thing wrong w my physically perhaps but I have no idea what. maybe it rly is just mental health making me a fatigued person for as long as I can remember tho

#alwyas exhausted after work i need a job where i dont have to talk to anyone for real #i need a job sortinf buttons

[j-art-2d2]

Okay so I saw that you wanted Jinx requests so hear me out-

Jinx and Vi with a stoner s/o?? So sorry if this goes against your rules. I tried to look for your rules but I couldn’t find em <3 you don’t have to add vi If you don’t want to

such a good idea i am hearing u out to the fullest extent !! and thanks for being so respectful! i just created my masterlist so at the time of you sending this i hadn’t had a rules list yet

bold of you to assume vi isn’t my second love

as a pothead i am eating this idea up!!

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Jinx w/ Stoner S/O

🍃everyone already assumes she smokes because of her tattoos

🍃definitely has the coolest set up. im talking personalized bongs and bowls. glow in the dark rolling trays. ashtrays she doodled on shoutout to silcos ashtray

🍃speaking of silco, she smokes in the house despite him not liking it. it’s like typical annoying dad behavior. he’s not actually mad about it because he knows how it helps her but he’ll still be uptight about it.

🍃gets “caught” smoking in her room all the time and “lies” about it to be funny because she knows she’s not actually in trouble. it’ll be like, silco : were you smoking in her !?! jinx : *grinning, eyes squinty* nope the room : YES!!!!

🍃jinx honestly has more than enough reasons to smoke. anxiety, trauma, ptsd, to calm the voices and herself, to clear her mind, etc.. it’s mental illness love

🍃used to smoke by herself in her room in the dark :( but once u came along she started smoking more with you and having fun with it

🍃only other person she smokes with is ekko. always invites you. doesn’t wanna go anymore if you’re not but goes anyway. texts/calls you the whole time she’s there

🍃one of her fav things to do now with you is have a smoke sesh. you, her, blankets, squishmallows. mini fridge for food and drinks and a snack shelf. made a whole playlist just for when you guys are smoking. always insists on watching hangover

🍃wakes you up with breakfast and a joint she rolled with a heart filter in it. whenever she rolls for you she always makes the filter into a heart. always.

🍃whenever you guys are out you can count on her to have her pen and oil with her but always comes prepared w at least one joint heart filter of course!

🍃prefers joints over blunts. bongs over bowls. avid bong water spiller tho weed over oils. only smokes dabs when things are really bad and she NEEDS it. uses blue cotton candy flavored papers for funsies sometimes

🍃def always has weed under nails bc like.. they’re long lol but she also uses her nails to pack down and ash out bowls so she has ash under them too hate to admit it our girl is nasty but its ok i am too 🤪

🍃definitely the type to laugh while you’re coughing and tearing up because of a bong hit but will get you water without you asking. always gets her own bev but doesn’t even drink it the whole sesh because she’s too busy talking

🍃always says “holy shit girl queen pussy boss” after you take a really big bong hit

🍃has to blow her bang out of her face before she lights a joint. always lights her bang on fire when taking a bong hit

🍃listens to rock music when she rolls. says it gets her in the zone and helps her focus. shaky hands

🍃you have to keep telling her to smoke whenever she tells a story because she will just keep talking and forget she even has the joint in her hand or that its her turn to hit the bowl/bong

🍃always wants candy when she gets the munchies

🍃will sneak into your room and leave mini jars of weed for you to find later. or if you’re otp w her and start complaining about not having weed she’ll say “look in [random object]”. you look and boom mini jar with weed. its always fresh too you dont know how she does it

🍃started smoking with herbs because she had a conversation with you about the benefits. giving very “this shit is a girl blunt,i only smoke girl blunts”

🍃always gets free weed because she’s pretty but also drug dealers are scared of her :)

🍃you and her like to play smoking games. who can hold their hit for the longest? who can do the best smoke tricks? who can roll the fastest?

🍃gets extra touchy and needy with you when you guys smoke. needs all the cuddles and kisses in the world.

🍃said “i know a spot” and took you to the old arcade

Vi w/ Stoner S/O

🍃first things first. prefers blunts over joints. will always smoke a blunt. bongs intimidate her. you had to literally beg her to hit yours. always gets bong water in her mouth.

🍃has a surplus of backwood rolling trays and grinders. always wears her backwood hoodie to the cyph. giving very frat boy

🍃will always roll for you without you having you ask. she loves when you watch her roll and then compliment how it’s hitting afterwards. flexes every time someone says she rolls good. embarrassing.

🍃used to always just smoke with ekko but started feeling left out because ekko kept inviting jinx so she started bringing you. now the four of you alwayssss smoke together

🍃can smoke in her apartment but her roommate caitlyn is so annoying about it so she has to put a towel under the door and light a candle/incense

🍃is always saying “i need a new candle” “i need more incense”

🍃always gets ash on her hand/arm wraps/bandages. keeps accidentally lighting it on fire while lighting a blunt

🍃gets the munchies and eats all her snacks but doesn’t remember she did the next day and asks you what happened to her snacks

🍃always has weed stuck in her hair and under her nails. actually let’s you run your fingers through her hair if you just touched some sticky weed and can’t get all of it out of your fingers. you don’t know why but it always works

🍃loves to provide you with weed. will randomly just put a few nugs in your hand when she drops you off at home as a show of love

🍃same as jinx. mini fridge for drinks and food. hides snacks in a bin under her bed. prefers to cook for you though.

🍃picked up smoking in jail and it just stuck ever since. mainly for fun/enjoyment. vi just likes being high lol does help with any anxiety, depression, trauma, ptsd, etc.. she may have

🍃plays sad boy trap music when she rolls. says it’s a vibe but you know it just makes her feel cool

🍃looks at you in horror when you take a huge hit. rubs your back when you cough and opens your water for you. jokes when she knows you’re okay.

🍃always gets free weed because she’s THE BRO to all the drug dealers. they let her buy on credit and don’t even ask her to pay it back.

🍃loves to get cuddled up with you to smoke. pulls out all of her blankets and pillows. bought a projector just to watch action and bad scary movies with you when you guys smoke

🍃likes to “share” her hits with you by blowing them into your mouth while you kiss

🍃actually enjoys having a pen and oil. gets matching ones for you and her but still will give you hers to hit.

🍃has been begging jinx to teach her how to make a heart filter

🍃doesn’t understand what you mean by “girlblunt” but bought herbs for when you come over to smoke anyways. even put them in cute little jars for you shoutout to jinx for the jars

🍃kisses the blunt before asking you to light it. that’s how it goes. she rolls. you light.

🍃always passes the blunt/joint to you first during the sesh respectfully 🙏

🍃said “i know a spot” and took you to the world ekko made

#arcane #arcane jinx #arcane league of legends #arcane fanart #jinx fanart #jinx x reader #arcane x reader #arcanefanfic #jinx supremacy #jinx fanfic #vi x reader #vi x y/n #vi fanfic #jinx x y/n #arcane drabbles #get jinxed #420 #jinxsource

[tabsters]

a-z with the zodiacs

aight so quick PSA:

i'm going back to america in a couple days!! yay!! but that means I'm going to have like. barely any time to write actual lore cause I need to pack and check passports and do other important things. and I also need to finish up my rewrite of lmk from macaque's perspective and do other stuff when I get back to america. so until I get my shit together, I present memes.

but don't worry!! I'll be working on a super fucking long lore post, probably my longest post yet, and it's a comprehensive guide to every form of magic in the zodiacverse. surely, 17 hours of time in the airplane will be enough to finish it. hopefully.

anyway @mythicalmagical-monkeyman enjoy the lols

previous posts are here

A is for: "Aaaaand back to your regularly scheduled mental illness!" -Gemini B is for: "Babygirl, noooooooooo." -Ophiuchus C is for: "Caprisun! My favorite wife!" -Taurus D is for: "Dominance can be achieved by stepping on your enemy and laughing maniacally." -Scorpio E is for: "Every time I come by here, I see you shoving your tongue down my sister's throat." -Cetus F is for: "FUCK! MY TOXIC CHEMICALS!" -Aquarius G is for: "Good job, you finally did the deed. You want a medal, for being the biggest dumbasses I've ever seen?" -Scorpio H is for: "How does it feel, being cockblocked by the entirety of southern California?-" -Leo I is for: "I'M GOING TO PLAY PING-PONG WITH YOUR TESTICLES!" -Gemini J is for: "Just please don't set anything on fire while I'm gone." -Cancer K is for: "Killing your rivals via stabbing them in the heart is overrated." -Pisces L is for: "Lore Olympus? You still read that shit? Disappointing." -Capricorn M is for: "Malewife Leo! Malewife Leo!" -Libra N is for: "No, no, no. I'm not implying that kpop is shit. I'm telling you that kpop is shit. NO DON'T KILL ME-" -Sagittarius O is for: "Oh noooooo, your sanity! It's gone! Where did it go!!" -Pisces P is for: "Pomegranate? It's like...it's like the cocaine of nature, right?" -Taurus Q is for: "Quirky little wild child, that's what you are." -Cancer R is for: "Raise the dead and have conversations with them. Try it." -Capricorn S is for: "Stop trying to be an anime character, Gemini." -Virgo T is for: "Three letter abbreviations always sound like STDs." -Leo U is for: "Uber drivers take one look at me and think I'm going to threaten them into taking me home." -Aries V is for: "Virgo, I tell myself, resist the urge to slap everyone." -Virgo W is for: "Why bother buying a stove when your boyfriend can set shit on fire?" -Libra X is for: "X-RAYS DO NOT SEE THROUGH YOUR BONES, ARE YOU INSANE?!" -Aquarius Y is for: "Your Asian privileges have been revoked. They're mine now." -Sagittarius Z is for: "Zebras are living barcodes." -Aries

anyway all of these are canon. i am god and i said so.

questions about my lore are greatly appreciated!!

#oc #oc lore #zodiac #zodiacs #zodiac sign #zodiac signs #zodiac meme

[chilapis]

hi lapis ! what is ur ship w tartaglia like ? do u think he'd be particularly interested in how u study law ? 🤔 - @dmclr

<- guy who gets asked about the man he thinks about 24/7 and immediately blanks out.

Answer under read more because it got… long.

To answer the first part, the dynamic is kind of. everywhere? It’s like, imagine the most mentally ill, insane guy you know. And then give him a wife who can and will be much worse than him but only if she’s separated from him for too long. Also they have plans to travel the world together and conquer it through mass violence and bloodshed. And then settle down and have a family of like. 10+ ❤️

For the second part, I think he would probably find it interesting to some degree! People view law as this grand noble thing but to let you in on a little secret? Most of it is like… utter bullshit honestly in my eyes, in the funniest ways too. I think it’d be fun to shit-talk laws and legal systems with him.

But also keeping his status as a harbinger who has quite literally gotten in trouble with, uh. several nations’ laws on several accounts, I feel like having a lawyer as your partner is arguably the funniest thing you could do. Power-move. If I was to start legally defending him, I’d never have time for other clients. But would it even be necessary? He has the means, he can support us both I think. Personal legal consultant, defence attorney AND housewife. 3-in-1 combo baby ! (Plus I think I’d lose my license to practice shortly after fighting the first case for him because there’s no way to defend him in court without blatant lying.)

I do have a special interest in contract law so I think it’d be funny to like. enter 30 different contracts with him. Husband who gently wakes you up at 3 AM to tell you she has a new contract he wants to enter with you. <- my love language <- he has to willingly accept the first time, I can’t even cry if he rejects my offer because if I cry over his rejection and he accepts it after, it might be taken as duress and the contract might be seen as invalid. whimper (+ the requirements for contracts can be complex or simple depending on how you look at it; there needs to be some monetary gain/loss involved, but it need not be substantial. You could even offer certain rights; giving up the right to sue in certain cases has been seen as valid consideration.)

But also I do have a major interest in law overall and have had it ever since I was little so even if a part of me does not view law to not be as noble of a field as others might, I still do absolutely adore this field. Its ridiculousness and all. And I’m so excited to practice. I’m so grateful I get to do this, and for the opportunities that will come my way as I go further, so, I do actually respect the court. The way I look at law is… critically. But at the same time, through the eyes of an excited child who finally got to live his dream. I feel like I can be unbecomingly giddy over it and so have an unfortunate tendency to infodump so I think it’d be cute to just, sit in his office and ramble about case precedents while he does his paperwork. (he is writing down the name of people to visit) (half of these people will likely end up dead by his hand.) (he’s so cute. <3)

I feel like I’d be very critical of his conduct before getting close though, because naturally even if I have my own doubts regarding certain things I am still a professional who wouldn’t like, risk it all for a stranger. This is us before becoming bestfriends who kiss, getting married, having a family, etc. ⬇️

TL;DR: “I think we’re gonna have to kill this guy, lapis.” x [scrambling to look up defences] “FUCK”

The doctrine of the rule of law states that no-one is above the law however my husband should be granted an exception i think. 🩵❤️

#HI THANK YOU I OWE YOU MY LIFE. PLEASE REMEMBER TO STAY SAFE AND TAKE CARE #🥀🍷 — colloquy. #🗡️ — cherry waves.

[revivemyreverie]

Hii, congrats on reaching another of your milestone goals! How've you been doing? I wanted to say something but you can skip this if this makes you uncomfortable or oversteps boundaries.

It's been awhile since I last visited ur blog, but DAMN—UR ART JUST KEEPS EVOLVING!!! I said this in a previous ask, but your colors holds both vibrancy yet natural flow that draws attention to the focal point but also gives love to the details (especially w/lighting and shadows (Caldera's fire glow effect still lives rent free in my head, but I also saw PL cards and THE SMOOTH SHINE OF LOTISE AND LUCERO'S HAIR THAT'S JUST ADDS DEPTH&CONTRAST TO THE BACKGROUND, THE SUBTLE GLOW OF THEIR EYE CLOSETS(probably saturation but it's making me feral) HOW THE SATURATION OF COLORS DON'T CLASH BUT WORK PERFECTLY TOGETHER AND STILL DRAW DISTINCT ATTENTION TO THE SCENE AND THE DETAILS—)). The way you draw characters, I feel like there is a lot more flexibility and freedom in dynamically angles and posing for them! I still feel a lot of anime nostalgia but also a uniqueness in how aesthetic shows up in design (toytoria dorm room has roblox royal high nostalgia for me hsksj). THAT COMIC YOU POSTED FOR TOYTORIA ANNIVERSARY THO, THE FLOW OF THE COMIC IS JUST INCREDIBLY WELL DONE!!! It really does feel like a small glimpse into a natural interaction between characters. For characters, I unfortunately am not up to date but from what I've so far, ur characters are expressive in this dynamic way that comes across so well when writing dialouge or from their perspective. I feel like your sense of direction w/the lore you want to establish is even more refined and I think you do a mind-blowing job in conveying it (show don't tell vibe). I still enjoy and look forward to seeing how chaotic and mentally ill/j you make ur characters. I'm extremely elated to see just how much you've grown despite not knowing the full picture.

I apologize for the lengthy ramble and the suddenness of this, and I understand if I am being overly familiar. Don't forget to take a break and rest + hydrate and eat—your health comes first!

Hope your week is good to you!!!

ANOOONNN????? THIS IS SO SWEET OF YOU HELLO#$??#$

WAA im surprised u noticed the details in my rendering that i threw into the playful land cards😭 im ngl i was playing around with the add/glow layer on it FOREVER lmao. That and well. ya my old Caldera sprites rlly helped me get a hold on lighting AKDSJHAHJDJH. IM HAPPY THAT YOU FIND MY WORK SO VIBRANT YET HARMONIC.... the flexible comment too...just this whole ask AUGH CRIES

You'd be right on the Roblox Royale High part IUKASDJHJAS i still play it...it still leaks into my designs....BUT TEEHEE it becomes a nice aesthetic as u said!!! AND MY COMIC AUGHHHHHHHH TYSM.....im so picky with my comics and their dialogue in fear ill b messing up the whole vibe SO IM HAPPY MY FLOW IS WORKING WELL ATM!!!! SAME FOR SHOW/DONT TELL i consider that 2 b like. one of the major requirements in any sort of storytelling💀THEN ITS NOT YUMMY YK??

TY AGAIN FOR SUCH A NICE COMMENT...holds it like its my newborn😭😭😭 DONT APOLOGIZE FOR THE LENGTH ILL EAT IT UP NONETHELESS. i hope ur week goes well too!!!

#pins to skull #ty again cries and sobs #saw the note too cries harder #revs rambling

[cicadangel]

erm.! diary 12/4

hi i havent been online in a bit or written any diary entries recently bc well i was really depressed and then i just like forgot or whatever. but uhmmm life updates sorta/just how im doing right now.

i will start with the good news :-) i am not depressed! ive been feeling good pretty consistently for the past 2 weeks i think? ive been happy enough to be able to function normally and do all the stuff i need to do. also school swim started so i got to see my crush (the one i talked abt a bunch last year) and i actually need him so bad he's so fine i need him. not much has happened w him (in terms of moments or whatever) but it will soon trust!!!!!! also ive been feeling a bit more confident lately in terms of how i think guys percieve me so i hope maybe that will inspire me to make a move but probably not. oh well.

as for everything else. well. i have been having issues with that one bitch "friend" ofc hoping to hit her with a car sometime soon. but thats not rly new ig. i am kind of having issues too tho with one of my other friends bc he's being weird and annoying. recently hes been extremely sensitive abt just everything which is whatever except he won't tell me, he'll just get upset and try to get me to ask him if he's upset except i won't play that game ugghhhhh if u have a problem with me tell me bc i wont understand otherwise!!! i cannot possibly fathom what he's got wrong with him about me so im not even gonna try. if he wants to fix it he can use his words otherwise no bueno it is not happening!!!!

he's also been like. weird to me recently. we're in psychology class together and we're gonna be at the "abnormal behavior" unit soon (which is mental illnesses) and he keeps saying ohhhh we're almost at your unit we're almost there when it's like stop thats actually so annoying. i am abnormal and crazy but that's not ur place to say? i dont talk to my friends abt my mental illness struggles but i guess it is obvious there's smth wrong with me or whatever but it's just annoying. i will talk abt how im against involuntary commitment to psych wards and how sooooo many therapists only end up doing more harm than good and my problems with the whole mental health industry and the modern understanding of it bc it's smth im rly passionate abt, but he just brushes me off as if i dont have first hand experience with all of the terrible ways psychiatry and the mental health industry can fuck people up???? i also feel weird talking to him in general sometimes bc i know he'll bring me up to his therapist (because he constantly mentions it) and i feel like i cant talk to him bc he's gonna tell her and that just puts a weird strain on the relationship. like his therapist knows me, but just from his pov and that kinda weirds me out im ngl.

oh i also got in a fight w my mom today. actually we're still fighting. it was over something soooo insignificant but i got so overly angry like i always do and now im going to make it ruin the rest of my day because i am insufferable. she's just been really angering me lately also ive been feeling destructive which is complicated. i dont rly like the term "splitting" but it's def what ive been doing a lot lately. ugh. also i like dont know what to do with my bpd "diagnosis" it makes me angry and like i just have so many problems with it in so many ways REGARDLESS if i actually have it or whatever which i could talk abt for hours. in some ways it's nice to have a label for what ive been going through my whole life but in most ways i am like not too happy with the fact that ive been handed a disqualification from ever being upset again. if i am, it'll just be because im a crazy borderline! ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway. more on that whole mess later sorry

#diary