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heesdreamer · 11 months

Text

TOUCH STARVED

PAIRING ➩ heeseung x reader

SUMMARY ➩ your bestfriend dyes his hair blonde and old feelings start to surface.

WC ➩ 6.7k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ I recommended listening to I know by Faye Webster Short and simple but I’ve had writers block and just wanted to try to work through it with something easy and comfortable. Thank you for your patience and support NOT PROOFREAD

“Woah.”

“Woah? What kind of reaction is that?” The boy in you doorway had completed deflated after hearing your lifeless exclamation, shoulders dropping in a small sigh as his eyebrows turned downwards on his tired face to glare at you.

It wasn’t a strange sight to see Lee Heeseung standing in the hallway outside of your apartments doorway, even less strange that he was carrying two convenience store slushees, one in his hand and the other tucked neatly into the crease of his elbow. His free hand had just fallen to his side from pushing his hoodie off his head and revealing the only strange thing about this scene.

“When did you do that?” You were instinctively moving your arm up to reach out and touch his hair that he had freshly bleached blonde apparently, shocking you for just a second when he showcased it with an expectant look on his face.

You caught yourself before touching him but he didn’t seem to notice anyways, pushing past you with another sigh and dramatically flopping onto your couch with a grouchy expression.

“It looks nice Hee, just took me by surprise.” You were following behind him and sitting on the couch with a bit of distance between the two of you, watching him curiously and taking note of the ways his features changed underneath the new hair color.

Heeseung had been your best friend ever since you moved into the city a few years ago, frequently stopping at the comic book store he worked at to pick up gifts to send back home to your little brother and eventually, once he had quit for a better opportunity, he had rushed out of the store one day and asked if you wanted to exchange numbers so you didn’t lose touch.

It had become such a casual routine for you to see him, holding small conversations that over time turned into lengthy talks that accidentally held up the stores lines sometimes.

A handful of days contained you stopping by during your lunch break and eating with him behind the register. Heeseung made you laugh harder than anyone you’d ever met and you found that to be even more true once you started seeing him outside of his work.

Two years passed since he quit his job and you’d almost forgotten what it was like to not know him, easily blending into your life and becoming the first person on your call list at all times. Hence why it wasn’t exactly strange for him to be pouting on your couch, disappointed you hadn’t reacted more to the sudden change of his hair.

Heeseung was always the more impulsive one out of the two of you and he constantly seemed to be jumping from hobby to hobby, the perfectionist side of him never letting him stick to learning just one thing. His style and aesthetic had switched about a dozen times since you’d met him and he was never quite satisfied with the posters hanging in his apartment but the hair was definitely a big change, even for him.

“You think it looks nice?” He was looking at you from the side of his eye carefully, still fully attempting to keep up his upset facade but you didn’t miss the fact he was fishing for compliments.

You sighed and shifted on your knees so you were a touch closer to him on the couch, used to his dramatics by now but you figured you’d humor him slightly since he could be sensitive at times.

He didn’t say anything when you moved forward but he tensed a bit when your hand was coming up to touch the brightly dyed hair, your eyes widening in slight surprise considering it didn’t feel completely dead. You were running your hand through his thick hair and trying not to think about how unusual it was for you to be so touchy with him, never really being the type of friends who were overly affectionate with each other.

He hugged you on your birthdays and occasionally touched the small of your back when guiding you through a crowded party or event and you were extremely grateful for his lack of contact considering you definitely weren’t oblivious to how attractive your best friend was.

You’d even eventually came to terms with the fact you positively had a crush on him when you’d first met, something you denied to your friends and family back home whenever they picked up on the smile in your voice at the mention of your new friend and inquired for details.

Being friends with Heeseung was more important to you and it was easy to forget how much you had originally liked him if it meant keeping him in your life, even easier considering he never seemed to toe that line that you nearly crossed occasionally the first year or two.

The line you were carefully skating towards right now with your hand in his hair, close enough on the couch to where your knee touched his thigh for just a second before you were scooting your lower half away a bit to avoid the contact. You didn’t take your hand away however but it moved down to his eyebrows instead, smoothing them down with your thumb and remembering he had asked a question when it quirked up as he waited for a response.

“It makes you look more serious.” You mumbled and he still had an expectant look on his face, like he wasn’t quite satisfied with your answer. “Your eyes look more intense now with your dark eyebrows. It’s sort of sexy.”

He snorted a laugh at that and shook his head in denial, realizing you were teasing him and giving him the answers you figured he was looking for.

“Okay but I am serious about it looking nice.” You were smiling as you spoke and he was watching you closely considering you were still gently rubbing his eyebrow with your thumb, retracting your hand after a few seconds and clearing your throat before changing the topic.

The rest of the hangout went as usual, the two of you sitting on your comfortable couch and watching romance movies that were almost comedies when they got too cringy.

You didn’t notice anything different and Heeseung definitely didn’t offer up anymore surprises as big as his bleached hair but something subtly shifted after he left. It took you a few more times seeing him before you noticed he was acting different, lingering around you closer than normal and reaching out to touch the back of your arm whenever he needed to get your attention.

It was so small you barely registered he was doing it until he was back at your apartment the next weekend, coming in with his spare key like normal but instead of going over to your couch and playing on his phone, he was approaching you in the kitchen and watching you for a few seconds silently.

You raised an eyebrow in his direction when you noticed him staring, rolling up your sleeves midway on your arms before going back to cutting up the fruits you’d pulled out for a snack. “What’s up?”

He shrugged at your question and didn’t immediately answer, leaving a weird feeling of confusion in your chest when he was coming closer and touching his arm against yours from how close he was standing. It was much more difficult to ignore than his small casual touching he’d been increasing recently, a lot more intimate than tapping your knee or moving your hair out of your face.

You hurried up to finish cutting before he could do anything weirder and he still wasn’t speaking even when you were shoving the cut up fruits into a bowl and abandoning him near the counter, hurrying onto the couch and glancing back just in time to see him following behind you into the living room.

It was silent for a few more minutes as you started to flip through the explore page of Netflix and you were just starting to relax after his weird demeanor before he was fixing his position on the couch.

You tensed up when he flipped around so he was spread across the expanse of it, moving his body so his head was resting on your thigh and his arm was dangling off the sofa, fingers grazing the carpet gently as he turned to look up at you. “Can you touch my hair again?”

“What?” It slipped from your mouth faster than you even processed his question and he tensed a bit at the harshness of your tone, almost sounding disgusted underneath all of your shock. You felt a wave of guilt for accidentally being rude, taken completely off guard by his request and the fact he was casually laying on you like it was something the two of you did all the time. You relaxed your shoulders to try and show him you weren’t upset and just confused.

“It felt kind of nice when you touched it the other day… I don’t know you don’t have to never mind, forget it.” He was avoiding looking at you now but not taking his head off your lap, most likely too embarrassed to sit back up and rearrange himself again after just doing it a few seconds ago.

His cheek was pressed on your thigh as he stared at the TV despite the fact you weren’t scrolling down the options anymore and there was nothing for him to be looking at. You watched the side of his face for a few moments, following down his sharp jaw and the way the nearly white hairs fell almost over his eyes.

You were sucking in a breath and touching his hair before you could think about it any longer, feeling the way he tensed underneath your sudden touch before immediately relaxing and practically melting into your lap. You started to pick a movie again despite being completely distracted by how much the two of you were touching and if he noticed you were mindlessly clicking things, he didn’t say anything about it.

“Wait… he asked you to pet him?” Sunoo was jaw dropped from where he sat on your bed, watching you rummage through your closet as you ranted to him about the weird moments with Heeseung.

You sighed and shot him a glare because of his weird wording, not responding for a few seconds and squeezing your eyes shut tight when he was letting out a small gasp of shock and scooting forward on his knees.

Three days had passed since you’d last saw your best friend and you had done everything in your power to ignore your growing confusion about the situation, including not telling anybody about it or worsening the situation by getting a second opinion. That only lasted until you opened your front door to see Sunoo’s smiling face, immediately bursting out into confession and asking him for help.

“Okay not to freak you out but this is totally weird.” He was shaking his head now and watching you intensely, opening your eyes to see his equally perplexed expression. “I don’t know if I’ve ever even seen you guys high five before and how he’s practically a dog on your lap?”

“Can you cut that out?” You aggressively threw a shirt in his direction with furrowed eyebrows after his second rude joke slipped from his mouth. He caught the piece of clothing and raised his hands in surrender but you could tell he wasn’t sorry judging by the mischievous look on his face.

You didn’t say anything after that and you felt a deep disappointment in your chest considering Sunoo had left you feeling even more confused about the situation, confirming the fact that it was definitely strange and out of the ordinary.

It didn’t help that the two of you weren’t just looking through your clothes for fun but you were picking out outfits for a small party at a mutual friends house, a party that Heeseung would definitely be attending and looking for you at considering he’d been texting you all afternoon to check in and make sure you were still planning on being there.

Sunoo did his best to lighten the mood but dolling you up and being overly nice the entire way out of your apartment, taking selfies with you in the back of the Uber and purposely avoiding mentioning anything about your best friend.

He was following close behind you once you actually entered the party, feeling slightly anxious considering it was a bigger turn out than what you had been promised over text by the two boys throwing it. You let out a small sigh and scanned through the crowd, habitually looking for Heeseung even though you were still overthinking everything.

It didn’t take you long to find him considering he was one of the taller people there, laughing near the kitchen with some of your friends but you watched as he continuously spared looks towards the doorway like he was waiting for something. A weird warmth washed over you knowing that it was you he was looking for like always, missing you when you’d entered just a few minutes ago.

You tried to ignore the fact that it was completely normal for the two of you to instinctively find each other so there was no reason for the butterflies in your stomach at his attentiveness. Nothing had changed despite the addition of the small touches and you weren’t going to unbury any old feelings for him just because he was acting a bit clingier than usual.

Still, you made your way over to him swiftly, at some point losing Sunoo in the crowd. You weren’t too concerned considering he was the more social out of the two of you, grateful he had at least stuck with you long enough for you to find Heeseung.

You were approaching him and the other boys and they noticed you before he did, smiles on their faces as they started to greet you casually. This caught Heeseung’s attention and he was spinning around quickly to see you, eyes widened in relief and yours opened similarly in surprise when he hands were falling down onto your waist and squeezing softly.

“There you are, I was getting worried.” His words were casual and he didn’t seem to realize the fact you were completely frozen under his touch.

Sunoo had chosen an outfit that left your waist completely bare and although you were growing use to his simple and fleeting touches, you definitely weren’t prepared to feel his warm hands completely covering the expanse of your bare skin. He either didn’t think it was a big deal or he was doing a very good job at pretending, pulling you closer to him so you were standing in front and he was still holding onto you.

You could feel his chest rumbling against your back as he continued to talk with your friends, thumbs absentmindedly stroking your bare sides and squeezing occasionally whenever you slightly shifted.

You were starting to feel slightly crazy and dramatic, like you were the only one making a big deal out of nothing and overthinking stuff that had no meaning behind it. It wasn’t until you were meeting eyes with one of your friends Jake that you considered the opposite, seeing the way he was looking at curiously before his eyes were dropping down to the big hands holding onto you borderline possessively.

He met your gaze again before quirking up an eyebrow in question, eyes creasing into a small chuckle when you were shrugging and giving him a bewildered look to showcase you also thought it was strange.

Heeseung must have noticed the silent exchange because he was faltering in his words for a second before tugging you back tighter against his chest, clearing his throat over the surprised sound you let out at the sudden jerking movement.

You froze for a few seconds before you were taking a step or two out of his embrace. “I need to go to the bathroom really quick.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” He was rushing it out before he even seemed to realize he was saying it and the rest of the group paused awkwardly at the random offer, completely out of character for him.

You froze with them before quickly gathering yourself and shaking your head in denial, starting to stutter out a reason before giving up and turning around so you could rush away from the awkward situation.

Thankfully the bathroom down the hallway wasn’t occupied and you quickly entered it and locked the door, placing your hands on the cold countertop and taking deep breaths to try and calm your nerves down. You’d already been overthinking the situation and having it confirmed that it wasn’t just you noticing things were changing was positively freaking you out, wondering if he had somehow found out about your feelings for him.

You were glancing up at yourself in the mirror and sighing at the stressed out look on your face, splashing some cold water on your cheeks to bring you back to your senses before you were fixing your hair and opening the door.

You were stopped in your tracks considering somebody was standing directly outside of it, peering down at you with a slightly surprised expression because of the speed in which you swung the door open. He was taking a step back with a small smirk when he steadied himself, letting you pass but not making any moves to head into the bathroom himself.

“Is there a reason you followed me over here Jake or were you just creepily standing outside the door.” Your tone was exhausted when you turned back to look at him and he didn’t seem at all shocked that you spoke to him rather than walking away.

“Just wondering what’s going on with you and Heeseung.” He was shrugging casually but he had a mischievous look in his eyes that you didn’t really trust.

Being friends with Jake was fun and casual, he showed up to events and made them louder and looser but he’d also been there for you countless times when you needed help and weren’t sure who to call, not wanting to constantly bother Heeseung with your problems. Jake was particularly useful when your problems were about Heeseung, letting you drunkenly rant a handful of times about your past feelings for him.

But that didn’t make it any less annoying that he was clearly trying to meddle with the situation, whatever it was. You sighed and took a few steps in his direction, pointing a finger onto his chest and giving him your best attempt at a glare.

“Don’t say anything to him about it, whatever it is will pass and we will all forget about it.” You were trying to sound stern and intimidating but he was still looking down at you with slight amusement, eyes dropping down to your finger on his chest for a second before meeting your eyes again.

“If I told you that I knew, would you want to know?” He was saying suddenly with a raised eyebrow and you froze in place.

“Are you implying that you know why Heeseung is acting so weird towards me?” Your eyes turned down into a glare but he didn’t seem at all intimidated by the threatening tone you’d taken on, smiling down at you and shrugging again like he wasn’t holding crucial information to the most important friendship in your life.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.” He was clearly teasing you and your frustration grew, making a small angry noise and pushing your palm against his chest instead of just the tip of your finger. “Okay okay fine. All I can say is maybe think about something you did that might have made him realize he-“

Your eyes were widening as you listened to him intensely, nodding to try and encourage him to continue once he slowly trailed off in his sentence. You weren’t sure why he stopped talking until you heard a throat clearing from the end of the hallway, turning your head swiftly to see Heeseung standing there and looking at the two of you.

He had a strange expression on his face, one you weren’t quite used to seeing and it took you a few seconds to realize it was anger. He rarely ever was angry, especially around you and you were completely thrown off by the dark way he was looking at you.

Jake seemed to understand the reason for it faster than you and he shifted back awkwardly, getting impossibly closer to the wall. He couldn’t really move away from you much but the slight movement was enough for you to realize what a compromise position the two of you looked like you were in. Your hand was still on his chest from your anger earlier and you were unusually close to him, staring up at him encouragingly.

Your mouth was parting to try and explain that it wasn’t what it looked like but there was no point considering Heeseung was shaking his head and turning to leave, the flashing lights of the party in the living room behind him illuminated his face just enough for you to see the upset clenching of his jaw.

You didn’t bother saying goodbye to Jake, following after your friend quickly even when he was pushing through the crowd and heading back outside.

By the time you managed to get out there he was stuffing his phone into his pocket and standing on the sidewalk near the road, shiny now from the rain that had fallen during the party. He was crossing his arms and you frowned slightly at how cold and annoyed he looked before you were taking a small breath and approaching him.

“Did you get a ride?” You asked him softly and he didn’t seem at all startled by the sound of your voice, barely sparing you a glance out of the side of his eye before giving a curt nod.

You mirrored the movement of his head in understanding awkwardly but you had a small pit in your stomach considering he wasn’t even looking at you, obviously upset about something you didn’t quite understand. It was rare you and Heeseung fought and even more rare that he was genuinely mad at you and not just bickering about something stupid.

He was keeping up his stony demeanor even when you sniffled slightly from the cold and rubbed your hands on your bare arms to try and warm them up a bit.

Eventually you were wobbling sideways while trying to adjust your standing position and you leaned onto him slightly for support, your skin brushing his for a few seconds before you were quickly standing upright and mumbling an apology into the tensed silence. He didn’t say anything still but you spared him another glance and tensed up seeing he was staring at you now, a weird expression on his face.

You were thinking about asking him if he was feeling okay until he was reaching over and touching your arm softly, ignoring the small surprised noise you made and tugging you over so you were stood in front of him again, the same position he had put you in back in the kitchen.

“What are you…” You trailed off when he was caging his arms around you and rubbing softly on your bare skin like you had been a few moments ago, warming you up immediately but also pressing you entirely against him.

Your next few breaths came out shaky and if he noticed he didn’t say anything, standing there like that with you held against him until the car was pulling up. He held the door open for you and scooted inside next to you until his thigh was pressed against yours, taking up the middle seat despite having plenty of room to sit on his own.

A guilty feeling was eating at you again for being so hyper aware of everything he was doing lately. Maybe he had always been this touchy and you just didn’t notice it because you were so preoccupied with denying your feelings for him and keeping your friendship as a priority.

You were watching the side of his face and thinking about this when you started to change your mind. He wasn’t exactly acting normal either despite being the one to start casually touching you.

Heeseung was avoiding looking at you most the time, almost like he knew you’d be giving him that confused stare you’d carried consistently the last few days. It didn’t help that your friend group had also seemed completely thrown off by the way he was acting and that wasn’t nearly as intimate as the way he treated you when you were alone together. He cleared his throat and snapped you out of your daze, diverting your eyes off of him and opting to stare out the front window instead.

You hoped your face didn’t flush too noticeably when he started to stare at you instead, feeling his gaze just as prominent as his leg pressed against yours.

——

It wasn’t unusual for Heeseung to follow you out of the Uber, it wasn’t out of place for him to be standing behind you silently while you nervously dug your keys out of your bag and unlocked your front door.

All these typical things were only unnerving you because of the new added factor, the heavy tension sitting between the two of you now. You glanced behind you right before you turned the doorknob and met eyes with him for a few seconds, knowing he felt it too for sure now and having no more doubts about if he was purposefully acting different.

You pushed the door open and kicked off your shoes, the two of you going about your usual routine of changing into more comfortable clothes, him having his own section in your closest and drawer in your dresser. It was the same as always except for the thick silence, replacing the usual laughter and banter that filled the rooms.

You took a deep breath before leaving your room in shorts and one of Heeseung’s shirts now, pausing in the doorway when he left the bathroom across the hall at the exact same time.

“So-“

“Are you-“

The two of you froze up when you started to speak together. You gave him a small awkward smile before gesturing your hand in his direction to indicate you wanted him to go first, hugging your arms across your stomach when he nodded to try and calm down your nerves.

“Are you and Jake a thing now?” He was asking in a flat tone but you could tell he was still upset from the party, avoiding looking at you directly and clenching his jaw again.

“You’re seriously asking me that right now?” A disbelieving laugh slipped from your mouth at the end of the sentence and this seemed to frustrate him even more, looking at you finally with heat behind his eyes. You shook your head and touched your mouth softly in shock, realizing he genuinely thought that’s what he had seen.

You turned around to go back into your bedroom, assuming he’d follow even though you were clearly thrown off by what he was saying.

He did exactly that and he stood near your desk when you sat down on the bed carefully, watching you and waiting for you to offer an explanation. You didn’t like how intimidating he looked, something you’d never thought about him before, and you slightly felt like you were being interrogated even though he was the one being weird.

“Of course I’m not dating Jake.” You really stressed the words to make him understand but he gave you a disbelieving look, causing a scoff to be pulled from your lips. “I was only in the hallway with him because he was wondering why you were acting so weird.”

It slipped out before you even realized you were saying it and he tensed up at the same time you paused. His eyebrow quirked up in question and you stared at him in embarrassment, knowing you’d have no choice to explain what you had been noticing.

“How am I acting weird?” He proved you right by asking you that but his tone was stiff and it sounded like he already knew the answer without you even needing to say it.

“I don’t know you’re just…. you’re just being different.” You were playing with your hands anxiously and trying to avoid looking at him.

It didn’t help that he was still standing over you and seemed completely thrown off and distant now that you’d brought attention to his behavior. He must have figured you didn’t notice and he was getting away with it, letting out a deep sigh and shaking his head softly.

You stared at him now despite feeling overly awkward, watching the way his movement caused his bright bleached hair to fall into his face and cover his eyes again. Your mouth pulled into a frown softly and you were standing up before he had time to process it, reaching over and pushing his hair back with your hand.

He didn’t say anything as you touched him gently, revealing his forehead again and making sure he didn’t poke himself in the eyes with the ends of his hair.

It was making the situation ten times more confusing for the both of you but you’d already crossed those invisible boundaries multiple times already and you were sick of how high the frustrated tension was, figuring you might as well take this opportunity to be close to him in ways you hadn’t gotten a chance to before.

“I don’t want to fight with you.” He was whispering and your eyes fell from his hair down to hold his gaze, seeing how his hardened expression had practically melted into one of guilt and regret. “It makes me feel terrible, I hate it so much.”

“Then let’s not fight.” You mumbled back to him, keeping your volume low in the delicate air. Your hand was still touching his hair and you softly put some of the longer pieces behind his ear, letting it drop afterwards to land on his shoulder for a few seconds. You gave it a gentle reassuring squeeze before you were stepping away from him again in preparation to sit back on the bed.

His body automatically followed yours like you had a magnet connected to you, taking a step forward to match the one you took back. He didn’t even seem to realize he was doing it, just naturally trying to keep close to you.

You watched him for a few beats to see if he was going to back away and apologize, realize that he was acting strange considering you’d just had a conversation about it. Strangely, he seemed completely clueless to why you had paused and cocked his head to the side like he was asking for an explanation. You waited for a bit more, deciding between two ways you could handle this and eventually landing on the one that caused you to take a deep breath before speaking.

“Did you want to lay with me?” Your voice was coming out fast and strong but your stomach was almost hurting with how nervous you felt, not sure at all where the line had moved to and how far was too far.

His eyes widened at your question and for a moment he seemed to realize how close you were standing for no reason, weird enough that you were even standing in your room in the first place instead of casually lounging around your apartment.

“Like.. in your bed?” He was finally responding after what felt like ten years and you nodded before you changed your mind, shrugging bashfully after like it wasn’t a big deal to you despite the fact you felt almost dizzy at the idea of laying with him.

You took a step to the side so you could move without bumping into him and he watched as you climbed onto your bed awkwardly, scooting to the far left so the side closest to him was available and tucking yourself underneath your big blanket. He was just watching you in bewilderment and you felt a bit stupid suddenly, having just assumed he’d want to lay with you because how touchy he’d been.

“You don’t have to never mind, it’s stupid anyways.” You laughed softly at the end of your mumbled sentence but it didn’t come across as genuine at all, scooting awkwardly on your side more so you didn’t have to face him directly.

Before you were able to look away from him he was quickly snapping out of it at the sound of your retraction, shaking his head quickly and landing on the bed with his knees before you could shut him out further. You tensed as he climbed into the bed next to you and pulled the blanket up so he could get underneath, avoiding looking at your bare legs for the few seconds they were visible before he was lowering it.

The two of you laid side by side for a few minutes in silence and you were quickly regretting asking him to join you considering how awkward it was.

You could hear him breathing, heavily at first almost like he was winded and then calmer the longer you stayed like that. You’d rolled back over fully onto your back eventually and your shoulder bumped into his, settling down into a position that made it so your arms were touching.

It was hard not to wonder what he was thinking about, if he was thinking about anything. Your mind was overflowing with too much confusion but it was completely possible that he was just laying next to you because you had asked and he wasn’t putting as much meaning behind it as you did so instinctively.

Then you felt something pressing against your wrist, flinching away for a second thinking it was a bug or something before your brain registered the warmth of Heeseung’s fingers pressing against your skin softly. You lowered your arm back onto the bed and thankfully he didn’t seem to be deterred by your sudden movement, sliding his hand down your wrist until he could lace his fingers with yours.

A wave of relief washed over you suddenly, silent confirmation that this wasn’t just two friends laying in bed together.

You felt like your breath had caught in your throat and you absentmindedly squeezed his hand, a sigh of relief being heard from beside you. His thumb was rubbing over the back of your palm and you were fighting the urge to look over at him and see what his expression was like.

“You can say no but..” His voice was coming out low and your head snapped in his direction at the sound of it. He wasn’t looking at you, staring straight up at the ceiling with an almost pained expression. “Would it be weird if.. could I hold you maybe?”

His words lingered in the air and your mouth parted in shock, something he must’ve sensed considering his hand tensed in yours and immediate regret passed over his face.

You didn’t want him to pull away from you just yet so you were acting quickly before you’d fully processed what he was asking and how strange it was. You rolled back onto your side, facing completely away from him and for a second you wondered if his heart dropped thinning you were upset with him for asking you.

Then you were scooting backwards in his direction and glancing over your shoulder waiting for him to take the hint, meeting his gaze finally and watching as understanding passed through his eyes. You quickly looked away, face flushing almost uncomfortably hot and it only worsened when his arm was hesitantly draping over your waist.

He was slow at first, like he was testing to see if you’d push him off or change your mind but when he seemingly decided it was safe he got bolder.

A small surprised noise slipped out of you when he was tugging you back tighter against him, his front completely against you and you felt him tucking his head into the crook of your neck. He breathed in a low sigh of relief and tightened his arm that was around you, instinctively squeezing like he’d finally gotten a breath of fresh air.

You were thinking back to what Jake had said now for the first time since it had happen just a few hours ago, the boy hinting that you had done something that awoken a new side of your best friend.

You wrestled with the idea that Heeseung was potentially touched starved before you ran your fingers through his newly bleached hair so softly, recalling the way his eyes had widened as he absentmindedly leaned into your touched like he was mesmerized by it. It made more sense to you with every passing second now considering the way he was holding onto you so tightly, like he was afraid you’d slip away from him.

“Is it too weird?” He was muttering from behind you and you shivered at the feeling of his breath on your neck.

You were shaking your head and trying to clear your throat to respond to him but you found yourself unable to form any words, overly aware of how close you were and the fact his hand was fanned out against your side.

To make matters worse he started to move again, clearly not content with just holding you against him. His hand was shifting against you and pulling at the large tshirt you were wearing, pausing for a second when he realized it was his but not saying anything about it. At first you were confused with what he was attempting to do but he pulled it up so it was resting near your ribs, leaving your stomach exposed.

You could tell he was propping himself up slightly behind you considering his face wasn’t tucked into your neck anymore and you felt overwhelmingly shy knowing he was looking at your bare skin, his large hand tracing down the dip of your waist and watching the way goosebumps rose to the surface.

Heeseung had seen you in lots of states of undress, walking in on you changing a dozen times and seeing you in bathing suits more than you could count but it felt miles more intimate in your current situation.

You glanced behind your shoulder again at him to find him already looking at you, a look in his eyes that was too loaded for you to want to unpack it right now.

Thankfully he laid back down and shifted his position, tapping you so you could lift your body off the bed a bit and he could slide his arm underneath you. This made it so he was completely hugging you around the middle and because he had tugged your shirt up his hands were left resting on your bare stomach.

Despite the heavy touching and the way he was watching you a few seconds ago, it didn’t feel sexual at all. If anything you almost felt like you could cry from how innocent and intimate the whole situation was. You realized you’d been just as desperate to touch him despite instinctively running from him in fear of what it meant.

Or more realistically, what it didn’t mean for him.

Regardless if he felt the same way as you did, if his heart was beating out of his chest with love and longing that had been buried down deep since you’d first heard him laugh, it definitely meant something important to the both of you.

He was tucking his face back into your neck, moving your hair to the side so he could hook his chin over your shoulder and you could feel his heart beat against your back, anything but still. You placed your hands shakily over his that remained still and warm on your stomach, stroking his knuckles softly and letting yourself stop thinking just for a moment.

#enhypen #enhypen drabbles #enhypen fanfiction #heeseung #heeseung drabbles #heeseung x reader #enhypen fluff #heeseung enhypen #enhypen au #enhypen fanfic #enhypen fic #enha fluff #heeseung fluff #heeseung imagine #heeseung au #heeseung fanfic #heeseung fic

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drchucktingle · 1 year

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favorite author i have never read

hey there buckaroos thank you for all the DEEP DISCUSSIONS we are having a great time here on tumblr. thought today i could make a post that is slightly more difficult its not all sunshine days ahead and requires a little introspection. LOOK AT US we have all arrived here together through trust and love and i think we can keep this going. chuck made this post on other platforms years ago and i think it was said very well then and led to some good discussion, so i am going to repost here. okay lets go deep bud here we go:

i would like to spend moment today talking about common joke i hear online (and even too my face at conventions). this is jokerman way i hear ALL the dang time: 'chuck tingle is my favorite author i have never read' or less jokerman way but of ‘i have never read his books but i love chuck tingle'.

first of all, THANK YOU buds. this is not way of call out post to make you feel bad, i appreciate your way and understand you are trying to support. this is not attack on your message and from bottom of chucks heart THANK YOU.

BUT i have to say something about this. please consider what you are saying when you post this. would you send this as message to STEPHEN KING or NEIL GAIMAN or NK JEMISIN? i doubt this. it would seem VERY RUDE to message other authors. just imagine trotting up to a writer and saying ‘i would NEVER read your books haha’ but it is sent to chuck all the dang time.

obvious reason buds say it to chuck is that i am queer author with a unique way. yes i write in realm of wild fantasy and erotic pairings, but by saying ‘i have never read chuck BUT' you are really saying 'i am posting my support of this but PLEASE DONT THINK I AM REALLY INTERESTED IN THIS PERSONALLY.' there are similar distasteful jokes that i will not repeat involving saying 'no bud on bud pounds' after a sentence that works in similar way.

is sexual art really that bad? is queer art really that embarrassing? is unusual outsider art really that funny?

it is one thing if your preferred pound is not one of chucks tinglers, that is TOTALLY FINE BUD, but if you are an adult i would say 'is it REALLY that scary to read a book about a way of sex that is not yours? is it that difficult to think that something that seems silly to you could actually MOVE YOU in an important way? do you HAVE to disconnect yourself from lgtbqia art with a 'but i don't read this myself?'

keep in mind, there are gay tinglers, there are asexual tinglers, there are trans tinglers, there are select your own timeline tinglers, there are horror tinglers. TINGLERS FOR EVERY TASTE. the thing that buds are often REALLY saying with ‘favorite author i have never read’ is ‘this is WEIRD and dont be confused because im NOT WEIRD IM COOL DONT THINK I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS’. funny enough even the proudly fun and wild and unique buckaroos will STILL say this line, maybe without taking time to think of what it means or how rude it is?

WHY would you never read a chuck book? because my way is queer? because it is neurodivergent? even if that is not there reason or even if YOUR ARE ALSO PERSONALLY QUEER AND NEURODIVERGENT TOO, think about what the joke is IMPLYING.

is sincerely enjoying something thats kind of unusual that difficult? do we really have to slather it in irony and ‘so bad its good?’ before reposting?

in closing as man name of chuck i will say you can still make this joke if you want buckaroos i know you are just having a good time proving love in your own way. i am not upset with you bud and i appreciate your support in any way you give it. there are some buckaroos who just CANT AFFORD tinglers and that is an important way i understand as well. obviously this conversation does not apply to those buds. but for the rest of us trotting along, MAYBE think about what you are really saying with this jokerman way first, and MAYBE try cracking open a tingler because you might be surprised. its not that scary bud. thank you for listening

being sincere is VERY COOL and VERY PUNK ROCK. i encourage all buckaroos out there to give it a try.

LOVE IS REAL

#chuck tingle #tingleverse #art theory #queer #lgbtqia #outsider art #neurodivergent #autism #irony #sincerity #love is real #favorite author i have never read

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thetriumphantpanda · 3 months

Text

Take My Breath Away | Joel Miller

The Checklist - Breath Play

Chapter Summary | It's the overthinking that makes it hard to ask for what you want sometimes, so you ask for the thing you want most in the only way you know how - in the heat of the moment.

Chapter Warnings | Again, and as always, porn without plot. Dirty talk, fingering, unprotected PiV sex, creampie, breath play (sexual choking), peeing after sex (pls do this), softness and lots of love. No outbreak AU. No use of y/n.

Word Count | 2k

Pairing | Joel Miller x F!Reader

Authors Note | Oh my god what is this? Charlie finishing another series? I cannot tell you how sad I am to be saying goodbye to these two - they have turned into the two greatest loves of my life. Thanks are due to @vickywallace for sending this idea into my inbox in the first place - thank you for such a wonderful idea and for supporting this series! If you like this then please considering reblogging or commenting, it makes my life worth living! And if you'd like to support me further you can donate to my Ko-Fi.

A reminder that whilst this is part of a wider series, this can be read as a standalone if you wish.

Beautiful divider by @saradika

I no longer have a taglist, to keep up to date with my work, please follow @thetriumphantpandanotifs and turn on notifications.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Ko-Fi.

It started innocently enough. Joel’s big palm resting at your collarbone when he was inside you, his teeth nipping at your earlobe. It was a fleeting moment, no added pressure, but there was still a shot of thrill that settled across you, one that made you think of that little list and the thought in the back of your mind that you wanted him to push his hand a little higher and press.

How to ask for it properly had been playing on your mind for a little while. It’s not like the two of you weren’t open with each other, you’d proved that already. And you trusted Joel with your life, you know he wouldn’t hurt you. But each night, when you sit together on the couch and go to open your mouth to talk about it, nothing happens. Mainly because it feels inconsequential to you, does it need a big conversation like some of the other things? You don��t think so.

It happens about a week later. Friday night, dinner eaten, glass of whisky drunk in front of the TV. Joel is settled on his back, glasses perched on the end of his nose as he reads a book, you’re similar, but you’re restless. You’re reading some romance novel, and like clockwork, the two love interests have just turned up to the hotel to find there’s only one bed. They don’t really hate each other anymore, and in his sleep, he’s rolled over and draped an arm over her waist, chest to her back, and she can feel how much he wants her.

You scoff a little, which pulls Joel’s attention from his own reading, to you, “That bad huh?” He asks, innocently enough.

“Just predictable.” You shrug, trying to hide the way your thighs are unconsciously rubbing together under the sheets.

“Lemme guess,” He says, setting down his own book, along with his glasses, “They hate each other, but also secretly they don’t, and they’ve just turned up to the hotel and they have to share a bed?”

You turn to him, chuckling as you look at the front and back cover, “Have you read this before?”

“No baby,” He chuckles, “It’s just they’re all the same, if it ain’t that then it’s somethin’ forbidden or she’s too happy and he’s too grumpy, just a lucky first guess.”

There’s a little more talking, and then the lights turn off, Joel turning on his side to fall asleep, but there’s that deep throb between your thighs that no matter what you do, won’t go away.

“Joel?” You whisper, poking at his arm, listen to him grumble but ultimately not reply, “Joel?” You whisper again, a little louder.

“Yes, baby?” It’s soft when he talks, not annoyed at you for keeping him awake.

“Joel, I need you.” You whisper once more.

You can hear the rustle of the sheets as he turns, then his arm wrapping around your waist, tugging you into his chest, that hand of his wandering down to cup your ass, “You feelin’ needy, baby?” He asks lowly, pressing kisses to your forehead and then your cheek until he’s kissing your mouth.

You roll onto your back, gripping onto his naked shoulders so he follows, the entire weight of his body on yours until he rests his upper body on his elbows, hands pushing your hair back from your face as he settles himself between your thighs. You can feel him, pressing against that part of you, already semi-hard and wanting, like he was struggling just as much as you to go to bed without touching you.

“You needy for me too?” You ask innocently as his lips press to your neck, he doesn’t answer, just slowly rolls his hips into yours.

There’s a moment where he reaches down between the two of you, lets his fingers brush over your folds, dipping down slightly to find you already wet. It’s not a surprise for either of you anymore, you think that there’s always some level of slickness settling between your legs whenever you see him - still not quite believing you get him all to yourself.

Joel drags his fingers up to your clit, slick dragging across your bud of nerves, a soft whimper leaving your mouth as he gently circles it. He’s taking his time, working you up slowly because he knows you don’t have anywhere to be in the morning. In a few minutes, you’re already moving your hips in time with his fingers, his mouth kissing your neck, his teeth nipping at your skin too. You’re clutching at his shoulders, nails digging half-moon shapes into his skin, when he pulls his hand away.

You’d complain until you can feel what he’s doing - his fist tight around his cock, moving up and down as he positions himself at the entrance of your cunt, tip nudging there as his mouth comes to cover your own. You’re just opening your mouth to him when he slips himself inside, slowly edging further and further inside you until he’s sheathed in your tight heat and you’re moaning into his open mouth.

He’s slow with it at first, a gentle drag of his cock in and out of you, like he’s got all the time in the world. Every time he presses into you, he moans into your mouth a little, sighs when he drags back out and it’s perfect, but you know you need more. You reach out, circle his big wrist with your hand.

“Will you…” You trail off a little, “Will you do something for me?”

He stills inside you, tip of his cock pressed so deep you could cry, “Anything for you, honey.”

“Will you put your hand on my neck?” Your voice is timid, and you’re glad you’ve kept the lights off.

There’s enough moonlight drifting in through the blinds that don’t close properly that you can still see him, but he’s shrouded in shadows too. He’s careful when he moves, pushing himself up to rest on one palm that’s pressed net to your head, the other hand being dragged exactly where you want it. He lets you rest it where you’re comfortable, just at the base, right above your collarbone.

“You tap my arm three times if you want me to stop, okay?” He asks, finally dragging his cock back out of you.

He puts a little pressure on with his hand when he thrusts back into you. The pressure is nice, but there’s something about it that doesn’t feel right, so you do exactly as he says, tap his arm three times. Joel is quick to take his hand off you, but you grab it quickly enough that he doesn’t have chance to rest it back on the bed.

“Try it a little higher.” You suggest, pulling it back so that the pad of his thumb and middle finger are pressed into the skin just under your ear.

“Like this?” He asks quietly as he repeats his movements from before, adding a tiny bit of pressure to your neck as he pushes back into your slick cunt, and yes, you think, exactly like that.

Joel keeps his hand pressed there for a few of his movements before he lightens the pressure on your throat, letting you catch your breath but keeping that wide palm resting right where you asked for it to be.

It’s a sensation you never thought you’d enjoy so much, but every time Joel’s palm tightens around your throat, there’s a rush to your brain and a throb between your legs. It’s exhilarating and there’s something about the way you trust him, literally with your life right now, to know exactly what you want and how to give it to you.

“You like that, don’t ya?” Joel rasps out above you, hips snapping into yours.

He releases the pressure from your neck again, just enough for you to be able to nod your head and bite at your lip to try and stop yourself from grinning. Joel brings the hand from your neck up to your mouth, uses the pad of his thumb to drop your lip from your mouth.

“I wanna see that smile baby.”

So you do as he says - caught in the dance of his palm pressing against your throat, your mouth falling into a grin each time, sometimes a small giggle leaving your mouth as you do, and then the release of the pressure, back and forth like that until you can feel that coil tightening low in your belly, your own hips bucking to meet his own, desperate to come apart beneath him.

“You gonna come, baby?” He asks, palm tightening once more, you can feel your walls fluttering around him, the coil pulled tight, you’re not going to last much longer, “That’s okay, I got you baby, just let go for me.”

It’s always been his voice that does it for you - the gentle lilt of that southern drawl, the way he’s always taking care of you. The coil snaps, his hand tightening just a little further as you arch up into him, much dropping open in a silent scream as pleasure floods every nerve ending in your body. You’re mildly aware of him talking you through it, showering praise over you as his own hips start to falter, hand finally torn from your neck, both of his palms settled on the mattress beside your head as he fucks you for real now.

The sound of skin slapping on skin fills the room, Joel’s ragged groans mixed with your own squeals, not quite recovered from your orgasm. You reach your hands up, settle them on his sides and look up at him.

“Want you…” You choke out, “Come inside me, Joel.”

He groans, low in his chest, body shaking as his hips stop. He lets out a moan of your name as you feel his cock throb inside you, the familiar warmth of his cum spilling inside you. Joel’s body falls forward, crowding yours as he buries his head into the crook of your neck, mouth warm as he kisses you.

You both stay like that for a while, breathing heavy until you feel his softening cock slip from you. He rolls onto his back, dragging you with him so you’re leaning against his sweat-slicked chest, fingers drawing patterns through the hair there.

Eyes filled with love, you look at him, give him a small smile as he brings a hand to your neck, tracing where his fingers had been pressing, “Looks red, baby,” His voice is gravelly, thick with sleep, “Was it okay?”

Taking hold of his wrist, you drag his hand up to your mouth and press kisses to his palm. The hand he has around your back drags you up a little and then he’s manoeuvring himself so his mouth can press kisses on the two finger marks he’s left on your skin. You think this might be the way you love him most, soft and sated, gentle and loving.

“I gotta go to the bathroom,” You whisper at him, “Stay right here okay?”

Joel reluctantly lets you go. You curse him every time you have to walk down the hall to the bathroom for not buying a home all those years ago with an en-suite, especially when, by the time you come back, he’s flat out on his back, lightly snoring.

You take a moment to stand in the doorway, look at him painted in moonlight. He’s beautiful like this, none of those worries he has etched on his face. You love him, more than you’ve ever loved anyone before.

Padding quietly over to the bed, you settle under the sheets, draping an arm over his middle, your head pillowed on his shoulder. In his sleep, he pulls you further into his body, arm over your shoulder, other hand resting on the arm you have draped across his tummy. If this is what peace feels like, then long let it last.

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reiniesainyo · 2 months

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IN BETWEEN. charlie bushnell x reader – 03

03 | ENCHANTED previous | next | masterfile

SYNPOSIS. when a girl's co-star is good to her and now she wants it more than everything in between. (smau)

A/N. i'm going through a rough / stressful period and i find this series and writing it very therapeutic so here we are! this chapter takes place around episode 7 release, i'm not really inclined to write about the filming in between for some reason (unless you'd be interested)

liked by walker.scobell, thelnarchives, and 262,287 others rickriordan With the release of the new PJO series on Disney+, I'm happy to announce that to celebrate I've partnered with some of your favorite authors and close friends of mine to present to you all a new look into the lives of our favorite demigods!

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A HALF-BLOOD will go online for free this February 20, 2024!

Click the link in bio for more info! PS: A sneak peak from our writers on the other slides

thelnarchive ... WHAT THE??? i have to manifest a chapter for my girl, manifesting a chapter or more please or even just one mention ↳ iamcharliebushnell YOU DIDN'T KNOW EITHER?????

user1 HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT????

user2 1) more stories about characters and 2) WRITTEN BY OTHER AUTHORS???? WHO COULD BE IN THIS PROJECT ↳ user3 i'm manifesting a story about tahlia and jason as kids oh my god

iamcharliebushnell imagine releasing a whole anthology to celebrate? that's the best author right there

user4 ohhh we're eating so good

walker.scobell another book and there's still not enough percy jackson in this world keep it coming i love your work ↳ aryansimhadri Imo too much percy maybe some more grover ↳ leahsavajeffries wrong there should be more annabeth

dior.n.goodjohn the gc going wild with this news

🃏 @CHILDOFHECATE what are your guys guesses for the stories in what it means to be a half-blood??? 🗨 32 comments 🔁 150 retweets ❤️ 456 likes

user1 a jason and tahlia story about them as kids, just a delve into their childhood

user2 more stuff on luke and rina, as individuals and as a couples- like i totally see a luke perspective on some situations or a conversation they had being in the book ↳ CHILDOFHECATE honestly i think it'd be so cool if they went like contemporary and also gave us maybe a poem or transcript / screenplay of a conversation between luke and rina

user3 stories about annabeth, tahlia, and luke's time before camp maybe fighting monsters together or just trying to survive ↳ user4 watch me cry over this one

user5 i just see a lot of delving into the lives of the original trio and also like the original supporting characters to like tahlia, luke, rina, even rachel

user6 grover's childhood! i really wanna see that or some parts of the story from his perspective

user7 Angst.

liked by iamcharliebushnell, aryansimhadri, and 320,372 others thelnarchives celebrating with the half-bloods

iamcharliebushnell when you're so excited over new lore you go and have dinner to talk about it ↳ thelnarchives this means so much to us

user1 YN IN THE SECOND SLIDE OH SHE'S GOREGOUS

user2 her face card never declines ↳ user3 it even has like benefits and a perfect credit score

dior.n.goodjohn fans first cast second ↳ thelnarchives this show has more more dressed up than my wedding

user4 this cast is so cute it's crazy

walker.scobell the 3rd pic >>> ↳ iamcharliebushnell oh so true ↳ i.am.andrew.alvarez a banger photo ↳ thelnarchives phone hijackers.

user5 the little black dress is doing so good for her, if i saw her in public i would've fainted ↳ user6 i can't believe i live in the same city as this girl like we breathe the same air???

leahsavajeffries i'm sat for the release, we're sat ↳ thelnarchives this is MY superbowl

aryansimhadri i feel excluded out of the 3rd photo ↳ thelnarchives that's okay because you're one of the girls ↳ iamcharliebushnell wait that's not fair

user7 aryan being part of the girls is so real and charlie wanting in is so cute

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luvyeni · 2 months

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❛LOVING THE COMMONER❜ ( k. sunoo )

— authors note. i did it, i finally did another sunoo smut

p. prince!sunoo x commoner!reader w. 2.9k+

— 𖦹 warnings. modern royal au, bully!sunoo but he softens up, angst (gasps luvyeni😱), unprotected sex, fingering, public sex (?)

— 𖦹 ( after seeing you break down sunoo realized he officially crossed the line ) !

The day they intergraded the royal kids and the common kids at the school was an interesting day to say the least — sunoo was a young prince; 8 or 9.

All he could remember was his parents, the king and the queen were not happy ‘why do we have to do this, they aren’t like us’ ‘because we have to show that we are with the times, the outside world thinks we haven’t progressed at all.’ And now at 18, sunoo could say that no, they haven’t progressed at all.

The school was intergraded so the common kids were free to go to a good school and get a good education — but that didn’t mean the royal kids made it easy for them.

Sunoo specifically made it harder for you— he hated you, and he made sure to tell you everyday when he cornered you in the hall; students and teachers walking past— I mean who’s gonna check the king’s son, the future king; besides you were just a commoner, in his eyes you should be glad he's even acknowledging you.

You didn’t want to go to the intergraded school — your mom a seamstress for the queen and your dad working as the cook at the castle, you kind of had no choice but to go, seeing the boy every single day— where he and his friends would subject you to their bullying, making fun of your dresses that were old and worn, or your hair that was sometimes messy from your morning chores at your house.

Sunoo specifically would always talk about how your whole family worked for his— “I don’t know why you’re trying to get a good education, we all know where you’ll end, cleaning my chambers when I become king.” Is what he would always tell you, laughing along with his friends as you picked your falling books off the ground.

“You could poison him.” Kyujin said, taking a bite of the food provided to you by the school. “I mean your dad is the cook.” You stared at her. “yeah, i’ll poison the future king and have my whole family killed.” She shrugged; “just trying to help.” You shook your head, standing up holding your full tray in your hands, not bothering to eat. “just eat your food, im gonna go to the study and get some work done.” You said, stood up with her face food. “wait i’ll come with you, for support.”

“hurry then.” You said, turning on your heel not knowing someone was behind you— not knowing he was behind you. “yn watch–” it was too late, you had crashed into the person, dropping the food all over you, the person in front of you; the tray hitting the floor. “what the fuck.”

You recognized the voice, cursing under your breath. “sun-sunoo im so sorry.” You always kept your eyes on the floor when talking to him— scared of what would happen if you looked at him in the eyes. “i-i wasn’t p-paying attention, it’s my fault.” Ready for one of his berating comments that would make the entire canteen laugh at you— but it never came.

Sunoo watched you smile and talk to your friend, laughing when she told a joke, your nose crinkling up, your smile bright— that’s what he hated, how happy and free you were, how you could always be so happy, despite your living situation, despite he and his friends torment— how he wish he could be like you, not having to please everyone— he wished you could talk to him how you talked to the teachers and other students— no he wanted you to like him how he liked you but hid it from everyone. “She’s leaving.” He sighed getting up, not even wanting to bother you today, but people expected it— and had to give the people what they wanted.

Looking down at your trembling body— he felt a pang at his heart— he did this to you, he instilled this fear into your heart, trying to impress people who he didn’t give a fuck about. He listened to his friends shout curse words at you with disgusted— how could he ever say those things to you, and you just took it, he felt so horrible. “That’s enough.” Hushed voices fell, leaving the canteen silent once again. “Yah.” You were ready for whatever he was gonna give you.

He grabbed your wrist, you felt it tightening. “come.” He dragged you away, leaving everyone with the suspense and your heart thumping out of your chest in fear, unaware on what he was gonna do to you— you two were never alone, his friends always behind him, so it frightened you even more.

He pulled you into the empty art room, closing the door. He turned stepping to you, you took a step back. “im sorry your highness.” Your upper lip trembled. “I don’t have any money to replace it, but my mom is a good cleaner as you know.” You pleaded. “please I didn’t mean any harm.” dropping to your knees, he took a step back, watching as you burst into tears. “please just don’t hurt me.”

He didn’t know what to do; he’s seen you cry, but this was new; you were having a full break down. “stop.” He said, but you didn’t hear him, your cries too loud. “I said stop!” he shouted, you bit your lip trying hold back the noise. “please stand up.” He said. “please.”

You heard his soft voice— something you’ve never heard before, slowly getting up from your kneeling position, standing in front of him, eyes glued to the floor. “look at me.” He said, you didn’t out of fear. “I said look at me.” He grabbed your cheeks, lifting your head, forcing you to look at him, you whimpered at the sudden force. “stop crying.”

“I’m not gonna hurt you.” He said. “I promise I won’t hurt you.” Before you could even react, you felt his arms wrap around your body, your eyes widened, body still nonreactive as you listened to his heart beat, surprisingly that calmed you down, your sobs, turning to sniffles— then you were silent, pushing him away. “what are you doing?”

He didn’t know what to say; he couldn’t explain why he hugged you, so he stood there silent. “please if this I just to tease me, just get it over with, I have to get to cook classes.” You said, voice barely a whisper. “I already said im not gonna hurt you.”

He took his handkerchief out his pocket— reaching his hands out. “it’s not a lot, but it’s all I have.” He said. “clean yourself up before you go to class.” He took your hand placing the fabric in your hand, you were so confused right now— what was his game. “wh-what about you?” you still were worried about him, even after all he did. “im going home, I don’t feel good anyway.” You normally wouldn’t think about it, he often left just because he could— who was gonna stop the prince from leaving?

He didn’t say anything else, walking to the door, turning back. “I wont bother you anymore.” He said, before walking out leaving you alone in the class.

That was the last time you seen the prince— he just stopped coming back to school, leaving people wondering what happened in that classroom that day. Many suspected you told on him, which didn’t help your case at all— you almost had to leave school due to the constant bullying from the other students who thought you ran the prince away— yeah it didn’t make sense to you either, but who was gonna think rationally when there’s someone to pick on.

You asked your parents did they see the prince when they went to work, but they just said he was sick and didn’t leave his chambers, so you left it like that, washing his handkerchief, keeping in your skirt pocket, just in case he’d come back to school.

“it’s been three months.” You were being cornered by one of the popular maidens in the school. “he still hasn’t returned.” She pushed you up against the locker. “he-he’s probably just sick.” You said, felling the lock dig into your back. “he’s fine, now I have to go.” You tried to walk away, only to be pushed to the floor, scrapping your elbow, making the arm of your dress tear. “if he was fine, he’d be here no?” she said. “and why are you so secretive about what happened in that room?”

Your silence made them angry, but you yourself couldn’t explain what happened. “answer me you bitch.” Her hand flew up, colliding with your cheek. “what happened in the class?” You looked for help— but was met with nothing but the looks of people who were also waiting for answer. “it’s none of your business.”

You heard him, the voice that you thought about for three months for some mysterious reason. “I was sick.” He said, the girl immediately exchanged her death glare with a soft and submissive one. “can I not be sick?”

She and her friends scrambled. “o-of course your majesty, but were just worried she did something— what could she do? Make me sick.” he looked at you. “stand up.” You don’t know why, but you did what he said, standing up. “apologize.” He said, her eyes widened. “sunoo, she’s a commoner.” He saw you frowning out the corner of his eyes, anger boiling within him. “so, she’s not like us, does that mean treat her like that?” everyone was shocked, this wasn’t the sunoo they knew, stepping to the guy, his eyes low. “now apologize.”

She turned to you. “im sorry.” She said, you could tell she wasn’t sincere, but you were so desperate to get out of there, you shook your head. “now go.” He said, and haul tailed out of there, whispering under their breaths. “everyone go to class, now.” He said, everyone immediately obeying, scurrying along to their schedules. “you stay.” He pointed to you— stopping you in your steps. “come with me.”

Those words felt so familiar, as you followed behind him, until you reached the infirmary. “your highness.” The nurse let you both in. “her arm is bleeding, fix it.” She nodded, ordering you to roll up your sleeve, cleaning up the blood, putting a bandage over it. “keep replacing the bandage until it heals.” She said. “good now leave us.” He said, she bowed, leaving you both. “are you okay?”

You nodded, silently. “that’s good.” He let out a sigh. “oh.” You said softly, reaching into your pocket, pulling out the handkerchief, handing it to him. “i-i w-washed it for you.” He looked down at the fabric, most people probably would’ve threw it away; or kept it as a keepsake from the prince. “I got all the stains out too.” He watched you smile proudly to yourself, smiling to himself. “thanks.”

“Are you okay, being sick for three months must’ve been hard.” He wasn’t really sick— he was embarrassed with himself, after seeing you break down like that, he went home and really thought about what he was doing, he felt like he could only show himself when he was ready to accept what he did and apologize to you. “im sorry.”

You were surprised; he stood in front of you head low, how yours normally was, eyes to the floor, apologizing. “im so sorry, i am such a horrible person, it took me too long to realize it, and I didn’t know until that day in the classroom.” He said. “seeing you break down because of me like that, made me realize how much of a horrible person I am.”

You stood there, letting him ramble. “please forgive me.” You were silent, sighing. “why did you do it?” he looked at you? “what did I do to you that made you treat me like that?” you wanted an answer, why did he treat you like that. “because I was jealous.” He said. “jealous?” you said. “you’re the future king, you said it yourself the only thing im destined for is cleaning your floors, so why would you be jealous of me?” he was silent. “answer me.”

“because you’re you.” He said. “you can be who you want , never having to be someone you’re not to impress people, — you’re nice to everyone and I wanted you to be like that with me, I wanted you to like me the way I like you, and I was afraid because I liked you so much and I was too worried about what people would think.” He confessed, spilling his guts on the floor.

You didn’t know what to say, it was a lot to take in, so you tried to run to the door. “wait.” He grabbed your hand, pulling you back. “please let me go.” You said. “what’s wrong, did I say something wrong.” He said. “yes, yes you did, please let me go.” You tried to pull away , but he was stronger. “what was it?” he said. “everything, you aren’t supposed to like me, all those maidens out there, im sure one of them would like for you to like them, go do that.”

“but I don’t want them to— yn please stop trying to run out the door.” He said. “you hate me that bad?” he said. “I never hated you, it was you who tormented me for years, now you stand in front of me, saying you only did it because you were jealous and liked me.” You said angrily, probably the most angry he’s ever seen you. “you didn’t even bother to ask me if I liked you back or not, because you were too worried about other people would think about the prince liking a common girl.”

You were going on and on— and he couldn’t help it anymore, grabbed the sides of your face, smashing his lips against yours— you grabbed his shoulders, pushing him away. “you’re a bad person kim sunoo.” You said. “I know.” He pulled you into another kiss, a much softer one, since this time you allowed him to kiss you. “im sorry.” He said, breathless, pushing you against the medical table. “im such a bad prince.” He said pushing your legs open, slotting himself in-between.

You shouldn’t let him do this, the way he treated you was unacceptable— but as his hands crept up your skirt, lifting it past your thighs, all your sensibility flew out the window. “sunoo.” You sighed as his fingers rubbed your soft clothed folds. “sun-sunoo.” He said nothing, pulling your undergarments to the side, sliding one of his long slender fingers into your dripping cunt. “fuck, you’re so wet.” He groaned, his forehead pressed against yours. “so warm.”

He slid another finger inside, scissoring you open, curling his fingers up inside you. “fuck sunoo.” You moaned out as his fingers repeatedly hit that spot over and over, making you see stars. “sunoo, im gonna cum.” You threw your head back, you looked so pretty, grinding your pussy down on his fingers, desperate trying to reach your peak. “fuck cum, please cum on my hand, I need to see you cum.” He encouraged. “cum for your prince.” He hit the right spot, that had you cumming all over his hand with a squeak. “fuck.”

You heard the shuffling of his belt of his expensive pants— they felt to his ankles, his hard cock jumping, the perfect size, not to big, not to small, his tip red and dripping with pre-cum— his cock was pretty and ready to fill you up. “ready?” you nodded, his held his cock in his hand, giving himself a few strokes, before pressing it against your hole, both of you letting out a moan of pleasure as he stretched you out perfectly. “fuck so tight.”

“please.” You moaned, as he sunk his cock further into you. “please fuck me, your highness.” that name coming out your mouth like that made his cock twitch. “fuck call me that again.” He groaned, as you repeated it over. “please harder.”

Knowing the nurse would come back, he wasn’t gonna waste time, wrapping your legs around him, fucking into you at a faster. “fuck sunoo!” you yelled, forgetting all about the outside. “we gotta keep it down -fuck- people can still hear your pretty moans from the outside.” He pressed his lips against yours, swallowing all your moans, your cunt clenching tightening around him— he wasn’t gonna last long.

“fuck im gonna cum.” He pulled away, lips swollen. “m-me too.” You moaned. “oh fuck!” he cursed, pulling out stroking himself as he came all over your pussy, bringing his fingers to your clit to finish you off. “sunoo fuck!” you gasped, cumming. “fuck I’m sorry.” He said. “I got too overwhelmed, next time I promise to let you finish first.”

He quickly searched for something to clean you, gently wiping the cum from your cunt and inner thigh. “next time?” you said, he hummed, smiling, something you’ve never seen him to you, it was nice. “but first im gonna get on your good side for good, by apologizing until you really forgive me, then im gonna court you.” He explained. “and what about the people, your dad the king?” you said thinking realistically.

He kissed your lips, pulling your skirt down, helping you to your feet. “he’ll deal with it or he’ll have to look for a new king to rule.”

“and those people out there don’t matter, now that im gonna do what I want for now on.”

©️LUVYENI

#kpop x reader #kpop smut #enhypen x reader #enhypen x female reader #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen fic #enhypen smut #enhypen hard thoughts #enhypen hard hours #sunoo x reader #sunoo smut #kim sunoo hard hours #kim sunoo smut #sunoo hard thoughts #sunoo hard hours #sunoo fic #sunoo fanfic

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thefallennightmare · 3 months

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One Night-Valentine's Day special

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Warnings: lots of smut(mask play, spit play, bondage, anal, fingering, oral(m/f receiving), choking, unprotected sex), swearing, angst, fluff.

Summary: Nothing like a little Valentines Day smut for these two love birds!

Authors Note: Since this takes place during this universe, every thing that happened between Noah and Reader is still the same! Just a little pop in to see how they've been doing! Happy Valentines Day my lovelies! I hope you enjoy this little blurb!

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @sammyjoeee @shilohrosechicken @malice-ov-mercy @thebadchic @niicoleleigh @lma1986 @dsireland86 @bellaboo967 @cookiesupplier @whenthesummerdies @bngurngheart @laurpartyprogram @thisbicc @lyinginbetween @princessmarshmallowx @loeytuan98 @cncohshit @lacktoesandtoddlerants @notingridslurkaccount @calleyx13 @jessiskyee @mrscevans @spicywhenspeaking @myownthoughts12 @br0kenangel23 @flowery-mess @lizzieseveride @illmakeyousaywow @burning-outx @xhedonistolisx @sinnamongirl @jilliemiw86 @shayzillaaaa @dream-machine-love

“Hi, who can I make this out to?” I smiled up at the person in front of me.

The young blonde smiled wide. “Uh, Jennifer.”

I picked up on her nerves but decided not to dwell on it like I’d done with the other 50 people before her. I opened the book Jennifer lay in front of me and wrote the same message I’d been writing all day.

Jennifer,

Thank you so much for the support.

Y/N.

“Thank you so much for coming out”, I said while sliding the book back to Jennifer.

Jennifer shook her head while clutching the book close to her chest. “No, thank you, Y/N! I absolutely loved One Night. So when you were promoting Always Pretending, I knew I would have another book to add to my TBR list. Needless to say, it’s my favorite book ever.”

My cheeks flushed. “Oh wow. Thank you so much for that, Jennifer. Truly, your praise means a lot.”

With a wave, I continued the same thing for the next long while, signing book after book for my fans. This was the last day in a two-week-long book tour across the United States and to say I was exhausted was an understatement. Not to mention, I had a four-hour flight back home to Los Angeles as soon as I left this bookshop. Jackie, my assistant, knew how badly I wanted to get back home so she booked the earliest flight she could.

It has been like this for the last year ever since I published One Night and now Always Pretending; both books on the bestseller list. While I was thankful for that, I wasn’t thankful for being away from home for so long.

Away from Noah.

Our schedules didn’t seem to match up as of late. While I was away on my book signing tour, he was home resting because a week after I got back home, Bad Omens would be leaving for a round of festivals overseas. Noah wanted me to join him since I hadn’t been in a long time. We’d been dating for almost two years now and I had to miss out on the last two tours because of my own career.

I had every intention of joining Noah now but needed to talk to Jackie about it first. She worked tirelessly to keep my schedule busy and jam-packed to promote my books but in my eyes, they didn't need any more promotion. I’d been working almost nonstop with these book tours, interviews, and not to mention trying to work on my third book.

I needed a fucking break.

I didn’t want it to seem to people that I was complaining because I was thankful for where I ended up. If you had told the girl two years ago who sat on that tour bus wondering if her first book would be good enough to become a best-selling author, she’d laugh in your face.

Noticing that we were dwindling to the last few people, I powered through with a plastered smile even though my eyes were drowning in exhaustion. My phone lay on the table next to me, screen down but kept buzzing against the wood. Jackie went to reach for it but I shot her a look in between signing books.

“I thought you’d want me to respond for you,” she tried to smile.

I bit my tongue, not wanting to snap at the older woman because she was simply doing her job but I knew who was texting me and didn’t want her to see those messages.

“It’s fine, thank you,” I muttered.

Finally, after a two-hour signing, I was finished and shook out the cramps in my right hand while letting out a deep breath. It was almost 2 in the afternoon and my flight left in 3 hours which meant I had to rush across town to make it in time.

“So, I was thinking,” Jackie started as I began to gather my things. “The local news channel would love to have you on their morning report tomorrow. I think it would be great publicity.”

I raised a brow. “You seemed to forget that I have a flight in three hours, Jackie.”

“I know,” she nodded. “But we can move some things around and-.”

For the first time since she took over as my assistant, I said the word that I never wanted to because I knew how important the publicity side of my career was.

“No.”

Jackie blinked. “What?”

I sighed while running a hand through my hair. “Look Jackie, while I appreciate everything you’ve done for me these past few months, I need a break. I’ve been going nonstop since One Night was published. I miss my life back in Los Angeles. I miss my quiet little apartment. I miss my boyfriend.”

Noah’s smile flashed in my mind and my heart yearned to be back with him. About three months ago, he moved in with me but with how busy both of us had been it felt as if we didn’t have time to actually revel in living together.

Not to mention, being away from him for two weeks made me horny as hell. Facetime sex paled in comparison to seeing and feeling the real thing.

“But-.”

I held up my hand to silence Jackie. “You deserve a break as well, Jackie. Take some time off, do things you love. When I’m ready to talk about book three, I’ll give you a call, alright?”

Reluctantly, she nodded while tucking a piece of graying hair behind her ear.

Bidding her goodbye, I threw my bag over my shoulder and then dragged my suitcase behind me to exit the bookstore only to immediately sit in the backseat of the black town car that had been waiting to take me to the airport. Once we were gliding along the road, I finally peered at my phone for the first time in a few hours.

Noah: Angel, I’m so proud of everything you’ve done. Seeing how successful your book tour has been makes me smile. I can’t wait till you’re back home and we can celebrate. I love you so much.

Noah: So, are you going to sign a copy of Always Pretending for me? Since you know, I was your muse for it.

I rolled my eyes with a giggle before replying to Noah.

Me: Oh please, you know I’d sign a book for my biggest fan. Also, I love you too.

As I browsed through my phone, checking my social media and responding to emails, Noah texted back.

Noah: So, we have a problem. I can’t pick you up from the airport because I forgot I had my therapy appointment at six.

My heart sunk to the depths of my stomach. All day I’d been looking forward to seeing Noah’s face as I stepped through the doors of the airport. But I knew that he couldn’t miss therapy. It was more important than picking me up.

Me: It’s okay, love. I can order an uber. I should be back home by 8. Maybe we can have a late dinner together?

Noah: Already taken care of, angel.

With a yawn, I adjusted my glasses as I stepped through the gate doors of the airport, dragging my bags behind me. There was a delay in taking off at the last airport which meant I was now arriving in Los Angeles at 9 p.m rather than 7 p.m. I had to buy wifi on the plane so I could message Noah to let him know about the delay.

Thank the gods I changed out of my professional attire at the last airport and opted to wear my Bad Omens joggers and Noah’s yellow hoodie; his smell still lingering. With my phone in one hand, I was about to order an Uber when my feet skidded to a halt at the sight in front of me.

What a cheeky little…

Noah smirked as he held a bouquet of black daisies.

“Hi, angel,” he mused.

I reached for the flowers and brought them to my nose, inhaling their scent, and then peered up at Noah.

“I thought you couldn’t pick me up.”

Noah brushed away a loose strand of hair from my face. “I sort of lied. I had plans to pick you up then take you out to dinner for Valentine's day but when your flight got delayed, I had to switch things up.”

“So you’ve been waiting here for two hours?” I asked.

“Worth it.”

He shrugged before wrapping his fingers behind my neck to bring our lips together in a long overdue kiss. His tongue immediately molded against mine and I moaned into it, my hand sprawling over his chest. The material of his Hereditary sweater felt warm underneath my palm and I let myself fall into him when his hands grasped my hips.

“I missed you, Y/N,” Noah’s teeth grazed over my bottom lip.

“I missed you too, love.”

With his arm wrapped around my shoulder and other hand holding my bags, Noah led me out of the airport and towards his car parked in the parking lot. Once we were settled, he began the drive back home. I nestled into the passenger seat and let out a content sigh.

“Tired?” Noah questioned with one hand on the wheel and the other resting on my thigh.

“No, surprisingly. I thought I would be but I’m just happy to be back home.”

He brought my hand to his lips to kiss along my knuckles. “I’m glad you’re back too, angel.”

For the rest of the drive home, I told him how the book tour went while he told me what he did the last few weeks. Since it was down time for Bad Omens, Noah spent it either in the gym with Ash or in the studio with the guys.

As we walked down the long hallway to our apartment, another yawn slipped through my lips and I nearly stumbled. Noah chuckled as he wrapped an arm around me to pull me into his chest.

“You should get some sleep, angel.”

I frowned while burying myself into his sweater. "I'm not tired."

His lips brushed along my forehead as we stopped in front of our door and he unlocked it. The darkness of our home escaped into the hallway as I stepped through the threshold and when I clicked on the lights, a gasp fell from my lips.

Matching the daisies bouquet I had clutched in my arms, our entire apartment was littered. Music played softly as I noticed the steaming dinner plated on our kitchen island, candles lit and spread throughout.

Turning on my heels, I gaped at Noah who leaned against the door with a smug smile.

“What is this?” I asked, doing my best not to cry.

“Happy Valentine's Day, angel. I had Jolly set this up for me while we were on our way home. He had to warm up the dinner I cooked earlier but I promise it’s still good,” he said.

My eyes widened. “Oh, I forgot it’s Valentine's day! I was so busy with everything I didn’t get you anything.”

Noah pushed himself off the door and immediately cupped my face so I could look up at him. The hood of his sweater was still pulled over his eyes, chocolate tendrils falling into his face.

“You know I don’t need anything. Just you, angel. But I wanted to do something special for you because you deserve it.”

I left a firm but quick kiss on his lips, muttering against them. “Thank you, Noah.”

He smiled while motioning behind me. “Come on, let's eat.”

“Fuck, Noah,” I moaned when his tongue licked up the patch of skin his teeth grazed.

My nails dragged down his bare chest, leaving red marks along his tattoos, as he continued to slam his cock into me, the couch beneath us scraping along the wood floors.

“So tight. I missed you,” he groaned into the crook of my neck as his hips stilled.

I knew he was close but also knew that he didn’t want it to end yet. What started as a nice romantic dinner turned into a heavy make out session on the couch. Neither of us could wait any longer and needed to be connected once again.

His fingers brushed along the folds of my pussy and I shook with the feeling as he slowly dragged his cock all the way out, only leaving the tip inside.

“Noah,” I whined while raising my hips. “Please.”

His teeth dragged along my nipples. “Please what?”

I raked my nails through his hair and yanked back causing Noah to let out a loud hiss. “Fuck, angel.”

“Stop teasing me and fuck me, Noah. Please.”

My screams echoed throughout the apartment when he buried his cock deep witin me again, his pace becoming ruthless. But our position on the couch wasn’t the greatest, I needed to be able to feel him even deeper. We couldn’t make it to the bedroom when we first started and there was no way I was going to stop this now.

Noah could tell I needed something different because with one strong arm, he lifted me from the couch to carry me over to the kitchen table. I squealed in delight as I writhed in his embrace.

“What are you doing?” I asked as he made me lean back.

He brushed back the sweat slicked hair from his forehead and licked his lips. “I need a taste of you.”

With a tight grip on my thighs, he spread my legs wide apart before he knelt between them. The warmth of his tongue sent shockwaves to my entire system as he lapped up the remnants of my previous orgasm he gave me on the couch and I arched off the table when he began sucking on my clit.

“Shit, Noah. I’m going to-.”

With two fingers spearing me wide open before pumping in fast succession and his mouth sucking on my sensitive nub, I let the shock of my orgasm tear through me with such a force that it nearly took my breath away.

“Such a good girl,” Noah mused while laying a kiss on the inside of my thigh. “I missed the way you taste.”

I only had a few minutes to breath before he was yanking me off the table to now stand on my feet. He patted my ass.

“Lean your hands against the window,” he nodded towards the patio door.

“What-?” I shuffled on my feet.

Noah’s lips attacked mine in a ravenous kiss and when he pulled away, he brushed my arousal off of his lips with his thumb. His bracelet and necklace glinted in the light from the lamppost outside.

“Be a good girl, Y/N, and do what I say,” his voice was as dark as his eyes.

Not wanting to disappoint, I quickly made my way over to the patio door that led out to our balcony and rested my psalm against the glass.Thankfully we shut off all but one of the lights so no one would be able to peer up into our apartment and see what we were doing.

"Keep your hands on the window," he demanded and then yanked my hips back to him so I was bent over.

Nodding furiously, I spread my hands against the window of the patio door when his cocked slipped inside of me again, his name falling off my lips in a prayer.

“That’s right, pray to your king,” Noah rasped as he bit down on my shoulder.

One tattooed arm wrapped around my stomach while the other tightened around my throat to bring my chest against his back, this new angle making my vision blurry. It felt so good, the burn, and Noah knew how bad I needed it to hurt.

He squeezed until I felt the air being ripped away from me, his cock slamming into me with no sign of stopping. He never held back and I never wanted him too. I needed it to hurt, needed it to burn, that I wouldn't be able to walk tomorrow.

When I felt the darkness creeping to the corners of my eyelids due to how tight he was gripping my throat, I let out a choked moan.

“Safe word?” he muttered into my ear before kissing the skin behind there.

Although his voice was soft and concerning, the way he fucked me was completley different.

I did my best to shake my head with his tight grip around my throat. “Keep. Going. So. Close.”

Noah eased his grip a bit so I could take a deep breath before he tightened it again. My orgasm was so close, I just needed a little something to have it wash over me. As my hand moved to my clit, Noah smacked my ass, the sound echoing through our apartment. Instead, his thumb pressed circles against my clit and that was exactly what I needed to let my orgasm finally release from the tightness of my body. I came with such vigor on Noah’s cock he groaned into my hairline.

“Such a good girl,” he praised while letting go of the vice grip around my throat.

Gulping for hair, I nodded. “Yes.”

Nails dug into the skin of my hips as Noah’s pace became even more frantic, him chasing his own release, and I was so far gone in my post orgasmic haze that I nearly didn’t hear the two words he said.

“Wh-what?” I stuttered.

Noah’s hips stilled for a beat before he let out a deep, guttural groan when he spilled his warm release into me.

“Marry me.”

Before my body could fall into a heap to the ground, Noah lifted me to sit me on the edge of our kitchen island. His large hand cupped my cheek so I had no choice but to gaze upon him. His pupils were blown wide due to our actions and his chest rose and fell as he did his best to catch his breath. His warm cum dripped down my legs onto the cold marble beneath me but I didn’t dare think about the mess. I only thought about those two words.

“What did you say?” I asked, still breathless.

“Marry me,” Noah said again without an ounce of hesitation.

Everything around us seemed to fall away, the eerie quiet of the apartment now ringing loudly in my ears. My heart beat loudly in my chest that I could feel it in my throat when I realized how sincere Noah was. This wasn’t a joke, he meant those words.

As if he thought I was doubting him, he ripped open our junk drawer in the kitchen to pull out a small velvet box and my breath caught in my throat.

“Fuck, you’re serious?” I choked out.

Noah smiled wickedly as he opened the box, the light above the kitchen sink catching the diamond almost instantly. The gold band was thin but the oval shape of the diamond almost sat perfectly against it.

“With you, Y/N. I’ve never been more serious about anything,” he said.

My throat burned in the best way. Never in this lifetime did I ever expect to have such a romantic Valentine's Day. Guys in my past never gave a shit, especially Jacob, so to have Noah go all out was something I wasn't used too but knowing he loved me so much made my heart swell.

I began to nod wildly. “Fuck yes!”

With a laugh, Noah collided our lips together in a fever kiss before reluctantly pulling away to slide the ring onto my finger.

“I didn’t mean to have a cliche proposal on Valentine's day. I planned on asking you if you came overseas but I couldn’t risk not asking you before,” Noah explained.

I wrapped my legs around his naked form to bring him closer to me and I hung my arms around his neck. We were still naked and the cool air from the open window brushed along our heated skin.

“I’m coming with you.”

Noah’s eyes lit up. “You are?”

“Yeah, I need a break and now that we’re engaged, I think we need to celebrate,” I waved the hand with the ring in front of his face playfully.

He grasped it to leave a kiss upon the ring. “Say no more, angel.”

My squeals bounced off the walls of our home as Noah carried me into our bedroom to start our engagement celebrations.

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian and reader #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian fanfiction #bad omens #bad omens reader

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nanowrimo · 2 months

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When Is a Small Press a Good Fit?

When it comes to publishing, many writers will think about big publishers first. However, there are a lot of different publishing options out there to explore. NaNo participant and author, Clara Ward, talks about their experience publishing with a small press and gives you questions to consider while you think through your publishing options!

NaNoWriMo inspired me to write. Signing with a small press gave me the support I needed to publish a book I love.

I’d published books before—starting with NaNoWriMo sponsor deals in the early days of online publishing—but I never had the right skill set to promote those books. As a result, they never truly found their audience.

In November of 2020, I poured my heart into a genre-blurring near-future tale of sailing across the Pacific and building a neurodiverse, queer, and possibly magical chosen family. In 2021, I titled it Be the Sea and asked myself: What am I going to do with that?

1. Are you looking for fame or family?

Small presses are as varied as the people who form them. If you read widely, you may already have a treasured book on your shelf from your publisher-to-be. Try asking NaNoWriMo friends who share your interests if they’ve discovered any surprising or emerging sources for great reads. (At the very least, you may find books you’ll love in unexpected places!)

Admittedly, a small press doesn’t have a fortune to spend on paving your path to fame. But I have never felt as seen as when my soon-to-be publisher, E.D.E. Bell at Atthis Arts, wrote back, “I’m really in love with what you are doing and would like to talk about it.”

2. Do you have the bandwidth for working with others?

Even with the most supportive small press, you may have to push outside your comfort zone. I know authors who love the absolute control and freedom of self-publishing. For a time, I felt very comfortable just posting my NaNoWriMo fanfiction novels on Archive of Our Own. At most, I had one or two beta readers to offer feedback on those works. Whereas E.D.E. told me in one of our earliest conversations that in addition to our three rounds of editing we’d need “a good number of betas” to cover the range of topics we were working on together.

I was delighted! I knew what I’d written was ambitious, and I welcomed all the feedback I could get. But it turns out, each extra person in a process adds new challenges and delays. I had to stretch my empathy as well as my publishing timeline because, to quote E.D.E. again: “It’s a lot of emotion (as well as brain cycles) to go through...” Outside perspectives will only improve your writing if you are willing to work with them, to truly listen and learn.

3. Can you handle the two-way commitment?

No form of publishing is easy. The myth that authors write while others handle business and promotion is not true at the top, and certainly not with small presses. In my experience, working with Atthis Arts was like joining a team or chosen family. Beyond certain paid tasks, such as editing and sensitivity reading, I discovered a community of authors who freely offered coaching before my first public reading, social media boosting, tips for author webpages, and an extra pair of eyes on letters requesting bookshop readings or other events. While not all small presses work the same way, this supportive culture proved to be an excellent fit for me. Naturally, I wanted to give back whenever possible.

Small presses can only succeed with community. This month, as I promote the launch of Be the Sea at bookshops in Mountain View, Davis, and Sacramento, I will be introducing many Californians to my Michigan-based small publisher, Atthis Arts. When I stand up as a panelist at Norwescon in Washington state or at various science, library, or Pride events later in the year, I’ll be promoting more than Be the Sea by Clara Ward. I’ll give back by sharing my appreciation for small presses, the supportive and inclusive practices they can normalize, and the opportunities they open up for future writers and readers.

Clara Ward lives in Silicon Valley on the border between reality and speculative fiction. Their latest novel, Be the Sea, features a near-future ocean voyage, chosen family, and sea creature perspectives, while delving into our oceans, our selves, and how all futures intertwine. Their short fiction has appeared in Strange Horizons, Decoded Pride, Small Wonders, and as a postcard from Thinking Ink Press. When not using words to teach or tell stories, Clara uses wood, fiber, and glass to make practical or completely impractical objects. More of their words along with crafted creations can be found at: https://clarawardauthor.wordpress.com

Photo by Hümâ H. Yardım on Unsplash

#nanowrimo #now what #writing #publishing #small press publishing #by nano guest #clara ward

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hoshigray · 10 months

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i’m not sure if you’re currently writing for ushijima but if you are/will, could u write something smutty about reader telling him that they have an oral fixation 🤞 (i haven’t really seen any of your works for ushijima so i’m quite curious about how you write him. love your toji works, btw! <3)

Mouth on Body Experience

Oml you're my first HQ!! request, noonie! :00 Tbh with you, I never posted any of my HQ!! works because it was during a time when I was on and off with writing (not to mention it was chara x chara stuff bc I wasn't into x reader stuff back then), so this surprised me when I saw it in my inbox, lol. But I love Ushijima sm, like he's so cool and is definitely one of my top characters in the entire series!! Hope I did him justice in my writing since it's been so long, ty for this prompt! o(��▽≦)o

Also, s/o to my wonderful mootie, @cu7ie, for helping me out with this!! I hope your day is going swell and wish nothing but good vibes your way~~ ☆ mwah-mwah!!

Cw: Ushijima x reader - explicit content; minors DNI - oral (m! receiving)/blowjob + handjob; implied first time giving him a bj - teasing; biting/sucking on the body (reader exploring Ushi's body with their mouth) - humping + grinding - tiny overstimulation for Ushi - pet names (baby, love) - kissing/makeout session - minor ball worship - Ushi is a bit confused but supportive - will proofread later :P. Wc: 2.6k

You peek through the door to the bedroom, taking the silence into account despite knowing someone is occupying the space. He prefers silence anyway, so it's no surprise that the television isn't even on. The only things that bring life into the room are the warm colors of the sunset painting the walls and your boyfriend sitting on the edge of his bed.

Having Wakatoshi Ushijima as your boyfriend is one of the many mysteries to the world and you. As many outside observers would think, being in a relationship with the guy has been quite a journey. Not to say that is a bad thing, though. If anything, it's been going rather well.

Going into the relationship knowing you'd be dating one of the world's Olympic powerhouse volleyball players was intimidating enough. Yet, it's a different story actually meeting and talking with him in person, his fierce aura adequate to suffocate you then and there. But as the days go by and things calm down, you two slowly but surely feel comfortable in each other's presence. You start acting like a couple and expressing your love naturally.

You knock on the door, waiting for his permission before proceeding inside. When you hear his voice call to you, you move past the entrance and enter his room.

On the edge of the bed sat Ushijima in his usual comfortable house wear comprising of a plain white tee and sweatpants. His eyes focused on the item in his hands, a book that his eyes diligently skimmed from page to page. His concentration doesn't hinder until he notices you walking up to him, his face lifted slightly to look at your figure entirely.

"Hey," you greet him, to which he returns with an incline of his head. "What're you reading?"

"It's the book you left here last night," his deep voice still has you hard to believe, but it's become a welcoming timbre in your everyday life and is now something you love to hear. "I saw the reviews on the back and it had me interested."

You lift a brow. "You read the reviews on the cover?"

He lifts a brow in return. "Are they meant to be ignored?"

The giggle is stifled, trying to exit your lips. So thorough. "No, no, you can read them. Most people will read because of a cover or if the writer is their favorite." Your boyfriend watches you sit beside him, leaning against his shoulder as he returns to his reading. I bet he's gonna read the author's notes at the end when he's done.

You chuckle at your own joke, but Ushijima doesn't pay any mind, just putting an arm around your waist to keep you close to him. The two of you relish in each other's company; the warm hues peeking through the window blinds cover your backs with an imperceptible blanket of warmth.

With the rise and fall of his shoulder, you bask in the sun's dying glow while your breathing syncs with the man next to you. This moment almost fills you with peace, embracing the domestic feel within this space between you and your boyfriend.

But, again, it almost does the job. Because you remember why you even came into his space in the first place and the butterflies in your stomach party to your dreadful dismay.

You peer up to look at Ushijima, who keeps reading until you call for his attention. "Hey, Toshi?" His olive eyes flicker to you when you use his nickname, and your heart skips a bit when he immediately shifts his engagement to you. "C-Can I kiss you?" You don't know why you stammered around your words; it was a simple request, nothing too extreme. It's not like you two have never kissed before, but the idea in your head makes it nerve-wracking.

The tall man displays no reaction outside of a slight lift of a brow, but no words are needed when he places the book down by his side and his hand rest on your soft cheek. Your eyes instinctively close when his face decreases the gap between you, and firm, smooth lips land on your plump own. Just when you would sink into his touch, he withdraws himself from you, leaving a tiny whimper to exit your mouth.

"Can..." Your hand finds its way to the big one on the side of your face, his thumb stroking your cheek's surface. "Can I have another?"

Again, he doesn't use his words, just inclining his head towards you to kiss you. It's a few seconds longer than the last before he removes himself again, only for you to grip his shirt to restrict him. "Another, please..." your voice dials to a whisper, and a soft moan is shared when his lips return to yours. He retires again. "Anoth—"

Before long, Ushijima shushes your pleas with kisses without further approval. His hands bring you closer to him, and — before you know it — he's now on his back to the bed with you straddling him. Large palms roam around your waist and hips while you kiss him back, slowly venturing further down with each hump of the hips to gently grasp your ass.

There's no point in restraining the moans that naturally flee out of your mouth. This is what you wanted; this is what you came to the room for.

Well, to be specific, it's leading to what you came here for.

Throughout this relationship, you have yet to disclose your oral fixation. Perhaps it's because being with a man like Ushijima still intimidates you to share your sexual interests with the man. Nonetheless, it's something you've been longing to share with him. There have been instances where it would sneak in through your intimate moments, yet you choose to stop yourself and not ruin the atmosphere with your boyfriend.

So you've resorted to relinquishing this craving with activities to keep you busy: the usually chewing gum, biting or sucking on your tongue, or chewing on your nails.

Regardless, today is the day you try to initiate this part of your being with Ushijima. You've been dying to have your mouth on his body for the longest time — especially with how attractive and well-built the man is has been driving you crazy.

It all excites you, enthralls you. However, you snap back to reality when you hear a hot groan from the man you're straddling, realizing you're still kissing him. To your horror, finding yourself sucking on his tongue, you quickly exit off the bed. Heavy pants from the two of you fill the bedroom, and your wide eyes look into his hooded dirty gold ones.

"I-I'm so sorry, Toshi!" You're quick to throw apologies his way. "I got a little ahead of myself!"

"Mmm. It's fine." He nonchalantly reassures you, wiping the spit on his lips with the back of his hand.

Yet, you continue to ramble on. "No, really, sorry about that! I got a little carried away. I was thinking too much..."

"Thinking about what?"

Oh shit.

Now why the hell would you put yourself out like that? "Huh?" You try to play dumb despite understanding it won't work on him.

Ushijima exhales through his nose before hoisting himself up from the bed. "It's pointless to back out of something when you're the one who's done it." His blunt words hit like knives to your figure, internally groaning as he stands up in front of you. "What's on your mind, Y/n?"

Oh fuck, I've done it now. There is no way out of this; you'll have to tell him what's been troubling you recently.

"I...I wanna—Okay. So, I have this thing with my mouth, right?" You can tell the expression on Ushijima's face doesn't coincide with the supportive nod. "It's like...It's a habit of mine where I use my mouth on stuff to stimulate myself?" At this point, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Just get this over with, me! I can't take it!!

"So, I've been thinking of...you know," your mind and gut are doing gymnastics, toying with your uncomfortableness to this entire situation. "I want to use my mouth...on your body...."

Olive brown brows furrow and you quickly sprout more nonsense. "Th-That's unless you're okay with it! If you don't think you're okay with it or you feel discomfort, then I won't be hurt in any way! It's totally up to you because I can just—"

"Y/n." Your rambles are muted by the use of your name, his brows still scrunched with an indistinct expression. "I'm not following: why would you want to use your mouth on my body?"

"Well, because," your face gets hot by the second: not just from you revealing your secret, but also your boyfriend asking questions. "I like your body, Toshi. Especially with how nice your physique is, I just kinda want to...play with it a little? Make you feel good..."

Ushijima's facial expression molds to a softer tone when you confess to him, and his eyes drift to the side as if he's searching for the right words to say. It makes you anxious with how in-depth he's taking this into heart, so you squeak when his goldish orbs return to you. "Is it something that I can help with?"

"Umm, yes, yeah!" Confirmation stammers out your lips. "I mean, as long as you're up for it."

He places his hands on your waist to bring you close to him. "I am."

He looks at you with hooded eyes, and the romantic tension from before fills the room. "Yeah?" Your voice winds down to a murmur.

"Yeah." His voice lowers as his head comes down to you, and your lips once again welcome the feel of his.

And with that, Ushijima finds himself back on the bed with you on top of him. You carry more confidence than previously as your kisses become more passionate and hot, teeth bumping into each other and you nibbling on his lip, resulting in abrupt groans.

Your hands venture down to the hem of his shirt, hesitantly raising it inch by inch. And Ushijima notices your desire for access, and a big hand engulfs yours and lifts the shirt to reveal his abdomen and pectorals.

Kisses from the mouth trail down to his neck and clavicle, and he tries to stop himself from moaning to your sweet touches. Your lips pepper all that's exposed to you, quick licks onto his pecs, and gentle bites on his nipples. It's evident now that the man is enjoying your actions, limiting the pleasure in his voice while his hands stick to your waist as his hips rock with yours.

Your hand sneaks down from his well-defined abs to his pelvis, fingers intruding under the band of his sweatpants and brushing against the soft material of his briefs that shield his now erect cock from your mere fingertips. Ushijima hums with his baritone voice, large palms dare calm down to your butt and knead the flesh, and you purr to his firm grasp.

"May I use my mouth?" It was a tiny suggestion, yet there was a distinct connotation. You haven't ever given your boyfriend a blowjob before, so this was new waters you were treading cautiously with. Nevertheless, he surprises you with a nod, egging you on to resume. A feeling of giddiness corrupts your senses, placing chaste kisses on his nipple down to his abs, and Ushijima has his hand on your head the further you go to his lower region.

You're now on your knees on the floor as you pull his sweatpants and underwear to his thighs, and the image of his erection springing out in front of your eyes has you practically drooling in anticipation. Every crevice, every dent, and every vein of his dick is mesmerizing to the eyes, and your curiosity gets the best of you when his body jerks at your hands grazing his balls. How vulgar.

"Hmmm, Y/n, love," he calls to you with whimpers — a rarity to hear but beautiful to the ears. "Go easy on me..."

And you just give him a lovely smile before you move a hand on his cock, stroking the length in a slow but firm motion. He jolts to your grasp, throwing his head back and sinking into the mattress as your palm slides up and down his limb. It gets worse for him when he feels your tongue flicks on his balls, sucking on his sack prompts moans of bliss to substitute the silence of the room.

The summer sun continues to descend, the waning heat losing its touch in the room. But the warm sensation of your mouth on his shaft has Ushijima's skin hot to the touch, his hands gripping the comforter beneath him. And he hisses when he senses the work of your tongue on the tip of his couch, lapping on the sensitive glands while simultaneously stroking him and massaging his sack.

Your cheeks go hollow when you take the head to your mouth, relaxing your jaw as you gradually suck all of him at your own pace. Your boyfriend has to bite on his lip and try to not buck his hips toward you. But it feels so fucking good when the velvety walls of your throat accommodate his girth and size; your wet muscle on the underside of his dick sends electric waves every time it brushes up and down from your bobbing gesture.

As for you, it feels like you're under an ecstatic spell as you work your way to the base of his cock with every suck. The cockhead hits the back of your throat at a delicious angle that you mewl on the member, eyes shut to fully enjoy the experience and commotion between your lips. Tears start to prickle, spit and drool coat his shaft, and your brain goes foggy when his musk blocks your nostrils. The throbbing sensation between your legs gets unbearable by the second, and you grind your thighs together to ease your lust.

Ushijima has done well trying to maintain his steel composure; however, no matter how he tries, he soon succumbs to the warm and pleasurable feeling of your throat when he thrusts into your oral cavity at a reasonable tempo, going faster and faster when the notion of his release crawls up within him.

"Haaaah, ahhhh—Mmmph!" Moans fly out from his mouth, no longer attempting to keep this from escaping. "Dove, I'm about to cum in your—Hnnngh!! Ahhh, shit, shit," and he grabs your head to keep you steady as he ruts into your throat. The orgasm hits the both of you, and a few deep strokes result in him shooting his load inside you, forcing you to drink all he gives you.

And you happily do so, waiting for his thighs to stop jerking as you take in every bit of his essence. Once he's done ejaculating, you slowly remove yourself from his sock, a soft pop evidence of you two no longer connected. You swallow and gulp any remainder of his load before climbing back onto the bed to lay beside Ushijima, who turns to his side to survey you thoroughly with half-lidded eyes.

You sigh with a smile. "Enjoyed yourself?"

While his hand caresses your cheek, he hums as his response. "Did you?"

"Yes, very much so. Thank you, Toshi." You start to feel drowsy as the room becomes dark, the warm colors of the sunset dulling as the moon sheds light.

"Of course, dove."

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astroismypassion · 1 year

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Astrology tea 🍵🍵🍵

Credit goes to my blog @astroismypassion

Trigger warning mentions of de**h, d***s

🍵 You know how Sagittarius Sun truly express their feelings? It shimmers through just a bit when they exaggerate a story. If they exaggerate a piece of information, you bet they were very surprised, too stunned to speak at the time it was happening. And them being surprised, shocked often equals exaggeration of a story.

🍵 Try to see where Juno and asteroid Groom overlap. If you have a Cancer Juno, yet Groom at 28 (Cancer degree), it could be a Cancer Sun that ends up proposing you.

🍵 But when you look at your own asteroid Briede (19029) sign, this is the Sun sign YOU might be the most serious about and who you would propose to.

🍵 Cancer Venus always gives a thoughtful, yet small, sometimes a cheap gift that relates to both of you, connects you two. For example you both like drinking tea and they buy you a tea cup and tea bags. Or you both really enjoy vinyl records and they buy you one. It’s always something that connects you two. 😀 You guys are really thoughtful gift-givers!

🍵 Aries Mercury gets really bored of one way of communicating for too long. For example, if you were sending each other audio messages for too long, they will want to change it and do phone call instead or video call etc.

🍵 Gemini Chiron and Gemini Lilith often gets scars, bruises on their fingers, hands. Or they may get skin on their hands, fingers easily burnt when cooking, when starting a fire.

🍵 Virgo over the 5th house might develop a crush on any person that they share the same ideas, viewpoint. If they like someone’s arguments, life philosophy, habits. They might develop a crush on someone when they think “This (wo)/man thinks just like me!”. They could also strongly relate to certain book authors and writers, because of the way they think, they might have a strong liking of their work. They might be prone to cheating mentally, if this would exist. When they are starting to agree more with someone else’s viewpoints, opinions than their partner’s, you might be losing them. 😬

🍵 Sagittarius Suns with Scorpio Mercury are oddly preoccupied with the idea of death and them dying and how they will die. Some have special requests on how they wish to be buried or which song they would like to be played at their funeral.

🍵 I noticed Scorpio Mercury are controversial, but for some reason Taurus Mercury seem to be too. Like Taurus Mercury celebrities Kanye West, Megan Fox, Kristen Stewart, Lena Dunham, Miranda Kerr, Donatella Versace, Abigail Breslin, Cher, Kirsten Dunst, Renée Zellweger. They had some controversial views and opinions throughout years. They are just likely to be canceled on the internet or just really disliked due to jealousy, envy they evoke in others as much as Scorpio Mercury. They could also receive public dislike online.

🍵 If you have Aries Part of Fortune you might find yourself in struggles in life (difficulties in college, financial issues etc.) that not even your family members will be able to advise you on or support you. In times of conflict and stress you will often be alone to find the real courage and strength needed.

🍵 People might not believe Pisces Moon when they say they don’t do drugs. Also, they could experience random drug tests.

🍵 However, also on Pisces Moon: they have weird fascination with psychedelics, yet dislike weed and drugs. Some believe psychedelics could heal their trauma. 🤷🏼‍♀️

🍵 I noticed Aries Moons often have a female sibling. They grew up around strong women in their family who are very independent, unmarried or career driven.

🍵 Sagittarius Sun when younger might have often been the butt of the joke in their friend group. This is one side of Sagittarius Sun that hasn’t been talked enough. People have made fun on their expense often times when their were feeling insecure enough on their own. That’s why they try to not show much emotion, appear unfazed and diffuse things back with humour.

🍵 Aquarius Venus might date their friend, or multiple people until committed or could ghost. But Uranus in the 2nd house?? These guys don’t participate in hookup culture (and rebel against it), don’t entertain multiple people (doesn’t have a roaster), don’t do ghosting.

🍵 Taurus Venus has a love language of gift giving and this is also how they flirt, they just start buying you things or food. Yet, sometimes this can come across trying to buy their loved one’s love. 😬

🍵 Venus in the 6th house looves using hand cream. People compliment them for their soft hands more than they would any other placement.

🍵 Asteroid Kiss sign in the Kiss Persona chart could indicate the Sun sign of the person you will share your first kiss with.

Credit goes to my blog @astroismypassion

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yourejinx · 11 months

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Undeniable Bonds

Azriel x F. Reader

Warnings: angst, as per usual. Not proof read.

word count: 4713.

Author’s note: I’m sorry I’m so late with this. I gave Mor a sibling. And I may have changed some things from the cannon books. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it.

CHAPTER THREE.

“What did you do to him?” Rhys asked mentally, an amused glint on his violet eyes as he looked over to where Azriel and Cassian were training the Valkyries.

“What do you mean?” I raised an eyebrow at him, wiping away the sweat of my forehead and taking a sip from my jar of water.

It had been a while since Rhysand joined me in training. He didn’t have much time these days between being High Lord and a father, and a husband. But lately he’s been under more pressure and needed to blow up some steam.

I dared a look at the Shadowsinger, he was teaching Gwyn some defensive stances, being his brooding self, scowl and all. There was nothing particularly out of the ordinary.

“He’s been more irritable these past weeks.” Rhysand took a step back, adopting a fighting stance once again and flaring his wings. I couldn’t help the smirk from showing on my face, I had made him sweat enough for him to bring out his Illyrian side.

Behind us Cass chuckled and I grinned at him, he winked at me in return. Rhys just threw him an annoyed stare and rolled his shoulders.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, he seems fine. For his usual self, that is.” I shrugged. Brought my fists up and started to circle him slowly.

“No, I could’ve sworn he hissed at Nesta this morning.” His face lit up with wicked delight and he swung for me, aiming for my supposedly exposed left side. The oldest trick in Amren’s book: “Let them come to you girl, let them think you defenseless.”

I caught his upper arm, twisted it and turned him around so that he was facing Cassian now. The Valkyries were looking. He tensed. “But he took one look at you, and decided to shut his mouth? Strange.”

“Well, I wouldn’t know. I’ve been too busy avoiding him as of late.”

One of his wings flung open and I released his arm to avoid the hit. He flashed a feline smile at me and lifted his right leg, trying to land a kick to my upper thigh.

I jumped out of his range, bracing my weight on his shoulders and landing behind him, quick on my feet. A second later, I dropped down low and sweeped out his legs from under him, throwing him on his royal ass.

He went down with a gasp, arms splayed out and eyes wide.

“I’m a little out of shape, it seems.” He coughed.

“You think?” I grinned down at him, offering a hand to help him stand up.

Somebody whistled and I turned my head to look at Nesta, she was grinning amusedly. “Would you like to join the Valkyries?”

Beside her, Cassian snorted. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“And why is that?” She snapped her golden-brown head to Cass. I almost pitied him, I would hate to be on the receiving end of that cold stare.

“That would be a fight of egos. Y/N already leads her own legion of warriors in battle.”

“I could do both”. I replied instantly. Arms crossed and head cocked to the side.

“Yeah? And who would command the Valkyries?” Cassian asked with a knowing look.

I had more experience in battles and a little more than two centuries of training, the answer seemed logical enough. But I replied instead:

“Well, Nesta of course. I wouldn’t dream of taking her spot, we females should support each other.” I winked at her. She smiled. “But maybe when I grow tired of ordering males around.”

Nesta looked satisfied enough, a little bit of mischief dancing in those gray eyes.

I waited for Azriel’s retort about me not being capable of following orders, but it never came. He fixed his stare at me instead, as if contemplating my answer. Weird.

“See, I told you he’s been acting strange.” Rhys purred into my mind.

“Get out of my head.” I scowled at him. He chuckled.

“I think he’s really trying not to snap at you.”

“Not my problem.”

“Maybe you could try to work on a truce?”

I rolled my eyes at him. “I already told him I won’t fight him, it’s the same thing.”

“Well, it is easier not to fight him if you’re avoiding him. Why not try and get along instead?”

“Oh yeah, maybe we could hang out and braid each other’s hair too.” I fought the urge to stick my tongue out at the High Lord. He laughed.

“I’m just saying, give it a try. He may be willing too. Solstice is a couple of days ahead, it’ll be a good time for make up and make out”

My reply died in my mouth as I caught a glimpse of auburn hair out of the corner of my eye. Lucien was walking towards us, clad in a pristine dark gray tunic and matching pants, arms crossed behind his back. He looked expectant…. shit, I was supposed to accompany him to the Dawn Court today. My eyes widened and I started to frantically grab my things.

“Oh fuck. I’m sorry Lucien, I totally forgot. Five minutes, I’ll shower and then we can leave.” I said hurrying up the steps to the House and throwing Rhysand a glare. He gave me a lazy smile.

“Just think about it.”

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Remind me again, why did you have to come?” Lucien asked, an auburn eyebrow going up, russet eye shining in the late sun’s glow like a warm liquid flame on a cold day.

Lucien was a very handsome, very intelligent male. I don’t understand why Elain would avoid him like the plague, he’s very nice and polite, and definitely not hard on the eyes. But then again, she had a not so discrete fixation with my mate. No, that wasn’t right. I had no business letting this stupid forsaken territorial Cauldron-made bond fill me with negative feelings. Azriel wasn’t mine, not in the way that counts.

I shook my head and stopped snooping around the books, putting my best smile on display.

“To escort you of course. We can’t have our emissary run into danger now, can we?”

“So, you’re not just avoiding the Shadow singer?”

“Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know, but I’d avoid him too if I had anywhere else to go instead of having to sit back and watch him flirt with my mate.”

I walked over to the window, the light pink and orange sky merged with the fluffy clouds so beautifully I wished I could paint it. Must be nice, to just be soft and beautiful and lovable, all the things I would never be. I have been built tough since a very young age, forced to be strong in order to survive, the only soft spot I ever had was ripped from me when I turned sixteen. Never again. Never again I would allow myself to be weak.

“I don’t care about those things.” I mused, the smile had long since slipped off my face.

“Watching your mate openly flirt with another?” he asked tentatively. My head snapped in his direction, not in shock but in warning. I wasn’t sure what he read on my face but he added, “I can see things more clearly than others,” – he pointed to his metal eye – “and we both have been cursed with the same affliction, it is easier to know where to look.”

I thought back to the times I’ve seen Azriel and Elain interact, how gentle and caring he had been with her, how she had blushed and smiled warmly at him. The look of heartache, of longing in Lucien’s face… had I been wearing the same look all this time? I wasn’t even sure I wanted Azriel to look at me like that, I just…it was enough for me if he didn’t hate me.

But the way he stared at me this morning, as if he didn’t know what to make of me, it reminded me of the first time we met…curiosity, that’s what it was.

If there was a tiny possibility of us getting along, maybe I should listen to Rhysand.

But now was not the time to think about that.

I clicked my tongue. “Wasn’t your friend supposed to be here already?”

Lucien sighed and took a seat in front of me, I turned my head back to the clouds.

“She’s running a little late, will be here any second.”

Maybe it was stupid of me to ask it outloud but if someone may understand, if someone may have an answer that would be him.

“Would you forgive her for treating you so poorly?” My eyes found his through the reflection on the window glass.

He knew I meant Elain.

“If she ever asks for it, then yes. If not…then what choice do I have but to forgive in order to move on?”

A small smile played on my lips. “You’re too good, Prince Charming. Couldn’t be me.”

He let out a small sensual laugh. “You’re good too, little raven, more than you give yourself credit for.”

“I’m so sorry I’m late” said a dark haired female bursting through the door. She carried a bag full of the Cauldron-knows-what, it tinkled with every step she took. “I hope you didn’t wait for too long.” She flashed a radiant smile at Lucien, genuine joy dancing in her onyx eyes at the sight of the Autumn male.

“It’s ok, we just got here.” He returned the smile.

I had to bite down my tongue to prevent myself from commenting on it. I leaned closer, peering over Lucien’s shoulder to the artifacts she displayed on the table. There were all sorts of things, medical instruments, prosthetics, cartography tools…this girl was very talented.

“What is this?” I asked, pointing to a small, gleaming golden sphere, intricately carved with what looked to be a diamond at its center, surrounded by three gold rings. Her eyes snapped at me as if she just realized I was in the room as well.

“Nuan, meet Y/N, she works for Rhysand. Y/N this is Nuan.”

“Nice to meet you Y/N.” She shook my hand. “That is – uh– a personal project, that I don’t know how it got here.” She chucked the piece back into the bag.

“Well, what does it do?”

“Nothing, yet. It’s just a prototype, more pretty than useful. It was supposed to be a soul locator, it should be embedded with a location spell and it’ll guide you to your loved one wherever they are, or anyone whose essence is entwined with the stone.”

“Brilliant.” I murmured under my breath but they heard it.

She smiled again. “Thank you.”

Something started to take form in my head, an idea, a little bit ridiculous and a little bit hopeful. A present for Solstice and a peace offering.

“Would you be willing to make something for me? I’ll pay you of course.” I said, already feeling the regret climbing up my mind.

“Sure, what did you have in mind?”

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mor’s warm brown eyes met me through the full-length mirror in her room, she was dressed in a wine-colored dress that hugged every curve in her flawless body, long blond curls cascading over her shoulders and bold red lips adorned by a breathtaking smile. She was gorgeous, ethereal, in a way that didn’t make me want to rip the skin off of my own bones. How could someone be so similar yet so different to their own family? Mor’s brother had been brutally beautiful, in the way only a lethal predator would be. Blonde hair, strong, sharp features, and those dark eyes that could drag you into a pit of pure despair.

Some days it was particularly hard to look at Mor and not think of him, but unlike that beast of a male, she made me feel welcome and safe. I just had to breathe a couple of times and remind myself where I was at.

“You look like the night sky” her voice shook me out of my thoughts.

I smiled back at her and took one last glance at my figure in the mirror. I was clad in a fitting glimmering black dress, thin straps tied to the back of my neck, the fabric pooled atop the valley of my breasts, just under my cleavage and generously hugged them at the sides from where the skirt flowed like liquid to the floor. Mor had applied a delicate shiny powder to the top of my lids, some mascara and a rosé lip gloss.

I couldn’t stop staring at my obsidian black eyes, the thick lashes adorning them, the only thing I had inherited from my mother — such a beautiful tortured female she had been; but that was as far as my resemblance to her went, the harshness of my face…I had to thank my father for that, and the centuries of relentless anger. Only Mor could make such a face look beautiful. And I was grateful for that.

My sight moved to the small white scar atop of my right cheekbone, so pale it contrasted with my sun-kissed skin, and my hand rose on its own accord to graze the scarred tissue. It should have healed and disappeared on its own, it looked almost insignificant for it to leave a mark, but the cut had been deep enough to sever bone, and at the time I had refused to see a healer.

“What are you thinking of?” Mor asked softly. I turned around to face her.

“I’ve never apologized to you for what I did to your brother,” My voice came out a little strangled.

“And you never have to. You don’t apologize for surviving.” She frowned. “I am very aware of how cruel and evil my family is.”

“He was your only brother, Mor.”

“He was a monster, just like my father. You’re more family to me than he ever was.” She started and gave a little gentle squeeze to my arm. “You can talk to me, you know? About what…— about what happened. If you’d like. You don’t have to carry that weight alone.”

“I know, trust me I know..” I said, closing my fingers around the mark on my wrist “But I still can’t talk about it, the way you still can’t talk about what happened with Eris.”

She understood, more than anyone ever would. So she didn’t say anything else, instead she wrapped her arms around me in one of those tight embraces that help you put your soul back together a little bit.

“We’re gonna be late for dinner.” I laughed, she reluctantly let go.

“I got you a present” Mor pulled out a dark blue velvet box from her nightstand “Just don’t flash it around Amren if you wanna keep it.” She joked.

Inside sat a silver necklace encrusted with diamonds and lilac crystals. It was by far the most beautiful thing I’ve ever owned. She made quick work of wrapping it around my neck and carefully set it atop my collarbones.

“Thank you, it is gorgeous, truly. Your present is down stairs, along with the rest” I said with an apologetic smile.

She smirked knowingly. “Except for that one,” a manicured finger pointed to the little black box with a blue ribbon sitting on the corner of her desk. I blushed. I was still debating whether it was a good idea to bring it or not. “Who’s the lucky one?” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Oh shut up, I already regret it.”

She laughed. “Well, if your dress doesn’t leave him speechless that sure will.” She winked, linked my arm to hers and winnowed us to the River House.

The evening was going uneventfully, I had convinced Lucien to at least join us for dinner and had spent a good amount of time just speaking with him, waiting for everyone else to gather. He was having a tough time adjusting to this Court, if it weren’t for the job Rhysand had offered that had him traveling most of the time I’m pretty sure he would hardly interact with anyone here. Not to mention his situation with Elain…so I figured he could use a friendly face and an invitation to be part of the group.

We were half way through some appetizers, chatting animatedly about the time he spent in the human lands when I felt him. His dark stare was charged with something I couldn’t quite place and for some reason it made me nervous. I was used to lust, and hate and loathing; had seen many males direct that same looks at me through the years, but this was different. Azriel wasn’t wearing his typical bored expression, nor the harsh one he seemed to reserve just for me. It was strange but not completely unpleasant.

Lucien caught sight of what had drifted my attention away from the conversation and politely excused himself to fetch more wine in time for Cassian to step up, Azriel closely behind.

The general let out a low flirty whistle. “Now, that’s a dress” he spun me around while I laughed. “Looking good, Y/N”

“Thank you Cass. It’s nice to see you with a shirt on for a change” I joked. He stuck his tongue out at me.

“I just know you love to see me shirtless” He winked and went to say hi to Mor.

Azriel was still standing beside me, a little awkward and more tense than before. His wings had gone taut behind his back. I met his hazel stare and brace myself for a nasty comment. None came.

“Hi” he said.

It was odd to be standing next to each other and for once not being in a yelling match throwing insults left and right.

“Hi,” My reply came out softer than I expected. Still I couldn’t fully let my guard down.

“I haven’t seen you around much these days.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy.”

“Rhys told me you were helping Helion with something” Azriel’s dark eyebrow raised in curiosity.

It was partially true, I’ve been coming and going between our courts, Helion has been showing me around the archives where I was to work if I decided to accept the offer. It was a beautiful place and his people had been nothing short of welcoming. But I didn’t want to think about that just yet, after tonight I still have three days to give him an answer.

“ Yes, he needed me to go through some stuff, research. Why were you looking for me?” I asked, mirroring his expression.

“I- I wanted to tell you that I tracked a pattern in the route of the missing fae, it goes all the way up to Vallahan.”

“You think the Court of Nightmares is trading slaves to Vallahan?”

“It’s a possibility. But since we don’t have any jurisdiction there, I thought that maybe we could intercept the caravan before they crossed the border out of Prythian.”

“You want me to come with you?”

I couldn’t help the incredulous look from my face, as if he had grown a second head.

“Sure, it is your mission after all.” he shrugged, taking a sip from his wine.

“What happened to you’re not as good as you think you are?” I mused, repeating his words.

“I was quick to judge, and you were right. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. But I guess that’s what we do, isn’t it? Fight and yell and hurt.”

I wanted to ask him why, why does he hate me so much? We weren’t always like this, where had it gone wrong? But the words died in my throat, it was a conversation I wasn’t sure I was ready to have. Even now, I could feel the tension between us, gnawing at my insides, at the bond I had buried so deep that it felt more like a phantom limb than an actual living thing.

I could treat him with dignity but I wouldn’t trust my most vulnerable side to him. To bring the subject up was to let him see the anguish of these years, the anger and the tears I had shed because of it. That was simply out of the table.

“Yeah, I guess it is.” Azriel averted his gaze away, at the rest of the party, to Lucien and Cassian.

“Do you enjoy it?” I asked. His wings twitched.

“No. Do you?”

I shook my head. “Then why do we keep up with it?”

“I don’t know, maybe I just don’t know how else to act around you.”

“You’re not a dick to anyone else though, just me. I’ve seen it.”

“And you don’t deserve it, I shouldn’t let you affect me that much”

My eyes snapped back to his, he seemed shocked for a moment, realizing what he just said. He opened his mouth, maybe to try and explain what he meant by that but then Feyre walked in, along with her sisters. Elain was the embodiment of beauty and grace, dressed in a baby pink gown with a pattern of roses embroidered into the bodice. She looked lovely, and of course I wasn’t the only one who thought that. I caught Lucien frozen in his spot, eyes glued to the middle Archeron sister. I didn’t want to see if Azriel was watching too.

“She’s gorgeous.” I murmured, suddenly very aware of myself.

Don’t you dare compare yourself. Mor’s sharp voice sounded in my head as a reminder.

I could feel Azriel’s assessing stare boring into me and I turned to face him. He kept silent for a long minute, just staring, eyebrows furrowed. What was he looking for in my face? I couldn’t fight the blush from creeping up my cheeks. Had he known what I was thinking?

“She is,” he stated, his voice a velvet murmur.

I could have sworn something inside of me thrummed with the sound of it in a pleasant way. And the feeling was enough to startle me.

Before I could attempt to open my mouth, a familiar figure appeared in my peripheral vision, just behind his back.

Elain, in all her radiant beauty capturing the attention of everyone in the room, approached Azriel with a gentle smile. The Shadowsinger's eyes flickered towards Elain, momentarily captivated by her presence. I couldn’t stand the awful feeling of being overshadowed. This was actually the first time in years I had a civil-enough conversation with Azriel, and it was short-lived.

I had to excuse myself, to retreat from the scene that had turned uncomfortable, if not a bit sour. Forcing a polite smile I turned to walk away and addressed Azriel, "I’m going to check on Cass. You know…this was actually not awful, Shadowsinger."

Azriel's gaze shifted back to me, a flicker of regret in his eyes. It was gone half a second later. "Perhaps we can continue this conversation another time."

With a nod, I made my way toward the exit, still very confused and shaken up with unspoken emotions. I couldn't bear to witness Azriel's attention fully claimed by Elain, the realization of an unrequited longing becoming too painful to endure.

As I stepped out of the room, into the welcoming chilling air that brought the change of season, it wasn’t Cassian standing in the garden, but Lucien. A conflicted look on his face.

“Aren’t you freezing out here?” I asked, joining him in the solitude of the night.

He shook out of whatever trance he had been in, and painted a little smile for me. “No. I’m a male of autumn, remember? I’ve got fire in my veins.”

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. “Seriously, what are you doing here by yourself?”

“The same as you, it seems.” He took a look behind me, past the open door to the ballroom.

“I just needed some fresh air”

“Do you want me to leave?.”

“No. No, it 's ok. I like the company.”

“Likewise” he smiled a bit more genuine this time.

“It’s almost time for presents and I,uh— I got you something.” I reached into that night-filled pocket between worlds and pulled out a small amulet. Completely ignoring the other thing I had storage in there. “I know you love to travel and you always get a piece of those places with you so I thought I could give you this”

I pushed the amulet into his hand, it was crafted into the shape of a golden fox with a thin chain and a bow attached to its back. He examined the little thing, curiosity shining in his warm eyes.

“It’s a safe charm from the lands of the north, for travelers and wanderers. Or so they said” I shrugged.

He turned his attention to me, tucking the amulet into the pocket of his vest, and I could’ve sworn that flame licked his russet eye – bright and alive.

“You didn’t have to do this. Thank you, I really like it” Lucien’s deep voice was so cheery it made me smile.

“Sure I did, you’re my friend.”

“I’m glad we met, little raven.” He smiled. “I got you something as well, it’s inside along with the others, let me get it for you.”

Before I could reply he was already half way through the door of the ballroom. A couple of seconds later, it was Rhys who emerged in his place.

“What are you doing here? I thought I saw Lucien rushing past”

I chuckled. “I just needed to think for a moment.”

Rhys’s feline smile adorned his dark features like a shooting star, and he folded his arms in front of his chest. “Have you thought about what I suggested?”

Taking a shuddering breath I answered “yes, in fact I have”

“And?” he quirked an elegant eyebrow.

“And I got a peace offering, a present — sort of.” I took the small box out from that in between worlds space, and fiddled with the blue ribbon. “But I don’t know Rhys, maybe it’s too much. It feels weird.”

“Nonsense.” He said, tugging me by the elbow into the house. “Come on, I’ll be the mediator in this situation.”

“It’ll be even more mortifying if you’re watching.” I said, trying to hold my ground.

But he didn’t listen, Rhys kept dragging me through the rooms, searching for the Shadowsinger. I exchanged looks with Mor at some point, pleading she’ll come to my rescue, she just laughed it off and winked. Traitor. I even tried puppy eyes at Cassian, he was too busy staring at Nesta.

It wasn’t until Rhys pushed open the doors to the sitting room that he stopped, back going stiff. I peered over his shoulder and the scent struck me harder than the scene developing in front of us. The room was charged with its sweet sickening smell, desire. That’s what it was. I didn’t even register Azriel’s scarred hand drop from Elain’s delicate neck, because my lungs wouldn’t let any air in. He turned to us, to Rhys, sensing the intrusion.

“Azriel.” Rhys called, his voice as dark as the night. A warning.

The shadowsinger looked startled, ashamed even, of being caught like this. I couldn’t even look at Elain.

His hazel eyes found me behind Rhys and his expression turned stone cold. My head was buzzing and it overwhelmed me so much I could only think of getting rid of the damned box in my hand. Its weight was suddenly too heavy for me to carry.

Violet eyes full of concern slid to me and Rhysand was about to speak but I shook my head. His lips formed a thin line.

“I – uh, — I’m gonna see if Lucien wants some dessert.” I mused, barely audible for Rhys to hear. My throat felt tight as I attempted to flee.

Azriel’s vicious voice stopped me dead in my tracks.

“You…” His anger-twisted face snapped in my direction and he was about to blurt whatever hurtful thing was on his mind but Rhys interrupted him.

“Azriel, my office. Now.” The High Lord commanded.

Azriel pinned me to the spot with a cold look. And I couldn’t do anything but stand in the middle of the room, trying to breathe.

taglist:

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If I forgot about someone, please let me know :)

#azriel x reader #azriel fanfic #Azriel #azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #acotar fanfic #acotar fanfiction #acotar #acowar #azriel x you

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miloformula123fan · 12 days

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Could you do fic for James Vowles with wife author!reader? ( He's at Williams ) He always goes to her events even though he's busy but he still makes time just to support her. And vice versa. Just something fluff and cute. Thanks!! :))

this is definitely not amazing, but im secretly quite happy with it

(also updates are gonna slow the fuck down because i have assessments and exams this term yay /s)

Please keep requesting - y'all have awesome ideas we agree on a lot of stuff :) - my guidelines are here, and if you want some prompts, they are here.

also feel free to come in and start chatting to me in my asks, would love to get to know y'all better

and if you want to be added to my taglist lmk :)

james vowles x wife!author!reader

---

book talk:

Y/N watched as a teenage girl walked up to the microphone. She clearly looked nervous, as had many other people coming up, but Y/N tried to make her feel as at ease as possible.

“Um…hey Y/N, my name is Elodie, and I just wanted to say how much I love your writing…” - Elodie

James quietly shut the door, once Logan and Alex were through, and didn’t try and push through the crowded room, they instead settled for a spot near the back where they could still see Y/N. They were sure that if people recognised them, they would be shunted towards the front or ushered backstage. They didn’t want that, they just wanted to stay inconspicuous at the back.

“Aww thank you Elodie, what was your question?” Y/N smiled reassuringly

“Um…well, for your book, ‘a sweet sting of salt’, I was just wondering if you had any inspiration for the character Tobias. While he isn’t the best character in the story, you said he was one of your favourite characters to write, and I was just wondering why?” Eloise asked

“Oh, that is a good question, thank you Elodie. Um… while the actions are obviously not based on him, a lot of Tobias’ so-called ‘good’ elements are actually based on my husband. So…okay I’m gonna hope that everyone has read the book, so I don’t spoil it,” she smiled “Um, so for those of you who are unaware, my husband is James Vowles, and he is the Team Principal of Williams, which is a motorsport for those who are very out of the loop. So I guess the main words I would use to describe both Tobias and James, other than loving because Tobias is definitely not, are logical, quiet, grounded, organised and productive.”

James smiles, watching his wife talk about something she was so passionate about.

“So for example, for logical qualities for Tobias and James in chapter 10, Tobias uses deductive reasoning, which I would like to say is James’ strong suit, however he sometimes misuses it, like deducing who ate the chocolate, the wife or the dog. Tobias uses it for more evil, using it for working out how to do the things he does. Maybe they are more evil and similar and similar.” Y/N pondered, garnering a small laugh from the audience

James stopped smiling, as he listened to his wife compare him to a literal murderer in her book. Logan and Alex were standing next to him, trying to avoid their laughs.

“Then for quiet, in chapter 16, James likes sneaking around and scaring the shit out of me when he gets back from the factory and from races to scare the shit out of me, and Tobias uses it for murder. Huh, maybe these 2 characters are closer together than I thought.” Y/N pondered, laughing as she saw her husband’s face

“Darling, I’m not a thief and a murderer. I honestly don’t know why you based Tobias off of me.” James tried to mediate.

However it was enough for Alex and Logan to burst out laughing, joining in with the rest of the crowd, who had discovered that James was there and found it very funny.

“I’m just saying you share similar qualities, more than I initially insisted. Are you sure you didn’t secretly murder someone?” Y/N tilted her head, as if genuinely thinking about the question

“Darling…” James tried to plead again

“ANYWAY - Then for grounded, in chapter 18…” - Y/N, moved on, continuing with her ideas.

---

garage:

“And during this safety car period, Alex, our camera man has gone for a wander and he has gone down to the Williams garage, and while we’re normally looking at the team principal or other important people, we have instead zoomed in on Y/N Vowles. Now for those who don’t know, she is a writer, and she seems pretty hard at work at this book on her laptop. Now that will be good news for anyone who reads her books, including me, she writes very good books, available at all the awesome book stores, and no she hasn’t paid us for that, we just think her books are amazing. Oh and she waved at us. Hi Y/N!” - Jolyon said from the commentary box

James smiled at the sight of Y/N on his screen. While this weekend had been very stressful, it was very nice having his wife be there for him in the garage and then back at the hotel rooms, even after all the late meetings. He watched as she smiled and waved at the screen, and he was unable to resist the temptation as he smiled at the picture and waved back, earning another laugh from the commentators.

---

book talk part 2:

“Sorry Y/N, my name is Leo, this is a bit of a personal question…” a teenage boy asked

“...as long as it’s not when I’m having a baby, or where I live, it should be okay, hit me!” Y/N tried to put him at ease.

“Your schedule for this book tour is a little all over the place, if you don’t mind me saying, it was basically like the first 2 months of the year, and now there’s just kinda weeks off or even months off, and I was just wondering if there was any sense to the schedule.” Leo shuffled awkwardly, unsure of how she would react to the question.

“Ah, well there actually is. First off, I cannot tour every week of the year, because I think I would just simply die. But the reason I picked those weeks off is because if my husband again. Are you guys sensing a pattern here? I love James, and I really want to support him at all the f1 races. So those are the weeks I took off, basically. And second, Baby Vowles is due in 6 months, thanks guys!” Y/N laughed as she put down the microphone and walked off stage, laughing as the cheers from the crowd grew louder.

---

taglist: @leosxrealm, @tallrock35, @wolf-knights, @janeholt3, @pear-1206

#miloformula123fan #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #james vowles x reader #james vowles fanfic #james vowles #james vowles fic #james vowles x female reader #james vowles x you #james vowles x y/n

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beesmygod · 9 months

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i genuinely do not understand how people in the fiction book writing online community do not die of absolute shame from what they do for a living lol. im not talking abt writing ofc or any kind of artistic pursuit, that would be insane. esp considering i make evil archie for a living.

but specifically this market created entirely by people publishing something they shit out with no effort on amazon who then openly buoy and support other people who simply do not give a shit about the quality of what they make. and its not like it's a secret, they are out in public trading tips with each other that amount to "be fraudulent about the quality of your product to trick unsuspecting rubes into buying what you make" and then congratulating each other when they do

every release is 5 stars (after being inflated by other authors expecting the same favor) until the real reviews come trickling in and reveal that the books are poorly edited or just plain bad. besides it being slimy and underhanded to do so, its also just like. sad. like spiritually, morally lol. i literally cannot imagine having so little pride in what i put my name on and send out into the world to represent me. like now when i see a book with a "specific vibe" (stupid title or AI gen/poorly photoshopped book cover with windows generic fonts) i assume that the person behind it is another dead-eyed soulless husk of a freak who is looking to make "passive income" and not participate in a serious artistic conversation or consideration.

i dont care about peoples fucking tips about making work faster or cheaper. fuck you!!!! take more time and try harder!!

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1-helluva-hazbin · 10 days

Text

Growing Pains

Lucifer x Reader

Content warning: fluff, trust building, slow burn, building communication skills, self improvement, fast proofread (please excuse the errors)

Summary: Lucifer's attempt to bond with you, a newer resident of the hotel, spectacularly backfires. Unable to avoid Lucifer, with an impending sinister catalyst, necessitate a resolution forcing you to work through your avoidance tendencies.

Author Notes: This one shot is on the longer side. Let me know if you think I should have made it 2 chapters or if it works as it is. I also wanted to apologize for the day delay! Yesterday did not go as I had planned.

Thank you for all the love and support you choose to give!

Charlie and Vaggie were sitting and talking in the hotel lobby not too far off from you. Vaggie’s one arm, the one you could see, casually draped over the back of the couch. Her thumb stretched from its resting position, lightly caressing her partner as they talked. A minute affection Charlie didn’t seem to notice in her exuberant excitement. One you couldn’t help but focus on, completely ignoring the book you were looking over. You forced your attention back to the book momentarily before Charlie started laughing. The sound ripped your gaze from the pages back over to the loving couple. Charlie’s hand now on Vaggie’s arm.

It made the skin on your arm prickle with goosebumps.

“My, my, my, weren’t you ever taught it’s rude to stare?” The accusation startled you from your fixation and you tilted your head to see Lucifer propped from beside you. One eyebrow skyrocketed nearly to his hairline while the over exaggerated smile on his lips seemed to pull painfully tight on his lips as he attempted to playfully exclaim, “It’s almost like you’re plotting something!”

His quip stung, intentionally or not. You had noticed since arriving his method of interacting with other sinners was usually to tease them about sinner-like things; violence, cannibalism, plotting against other people, their drug use. His favorite against you was that you were plotting a scheme, usually against Charlie. Everyone had been slightly wary of you upon your arrival. Charlie had sworn up and down that it would change. That since you always seemed so aloof and standoffish it was just unnerving for some people in the hotel. Including her dad who was trying, in his own way, to connect with all the sinners when he was around. He had a couple thousand years of prejudice to work through but, he was trying!

She had taken to coaching you at every interaction you had with her. Even Vaggie had jumped on board with her encouragement. If one of them said hello and asked how your day was, a simple ‘fine’ wouldn’t suffice. It didn’t encourage bonding! No, you had to elaborate. Tell them what you did that day. Did you learn anything new? What books are you reading? Share with them things about yourself! Ask how their day was. Reference something they previously told you. Have an actual conversation.

As well intended as they were, it was exhausting. Having gone from almost solitary living for the last century or two -between working in a job where you were almost completely unbothered while living with a single roommate whom you could go days without speaking to- this was a complete 180 and utterly tiring. You didn’t uproot your life to make friends. You had come here to work on redeeming yourself. Get into heaven if it was possible. Which Charlie repeatedly told you included being friendlier, kind, thoughtful, and most importantly selfless. Even if you didn’t necessarily care about everything other people had to say, it was important to still allow them space to be themselves without judgment and make sure they felt heard. That is what would help get you into heaven!

You had noticed as time wore on, begrudgingly so, the tactics she had you practicing had been working. Several of the newer residents had loosened up around you and started conversing with you on a somewhat regular basis. During some of the group exercises where Charlie would tell people to pair up, they had come up to you and suggested you work together. It was just a skill you had let wither that you needed to redevelop. A plant you needed to relocate from shade to sun.

Whatever analogy you needed to tell yourself you did to prevent yourself from giving up. You came here for redemption after all which meant something needed to change and maybe that was part of it. You wouldn’t have been cast to hell if you had gotten things right.

So as Lucifer loitered beside you, you tried to keep in mind you needed to be better and that this was his way of connecting like Charlie had said. Regardless of how it stung hearing it time and time again. This was just practice. More draining practice. “I’m not plotting anything sir.” you said, closing the book in your hands before setting it down to make sure he knew he had your attention. Now what though?

You wracked your mind for what to say next. Charlie said to be honest with people. How do you explain to him why exactly you were staring? That you had started craving physical touch again since coming here. That after having gone years without brushing against anything other than the books you worked with, that having Charlie clasp your hands when she was excited or Angel throwing an completely unwarranted arm over your shoulders when he wanted to use you as a prop for his dramatics, those simple actions had suddenly rekindled your human, well sinner, desire for contact. How pathetic would that make you look? How weak? Then to have been caught fixated on them, desperate to live vicariously momentarily.

“I was just…” you drawled. The idea of telling the truth set your face ablaze in embarrassment. You couldn’t bring yourself to say the truth. You looked over at the couple settling on your answer. “...admiring their relationship.”

He openly laughed, playing along with his original story, “Mmmmhm. If you say so~~.”

A combination of frustration and disappointment washed over you. Completely incinerating any trace of the embarrassment you have felt over the real reason why you had been staring. Hearing him happily hum as he sauntered over to Charlie not believing an ounce of what you said regardless of your lack of ill will towards the princess. If he was only joking, why was it the same barb over and over? Why were you the one he continuously chose to make that specific joke with? It really didn’t feel like a joke anymore.

You looked down at your book trying and failing to speedily process your emotions. You heaved yourself up turning to leave. Not wanting to exist in other people’s presence anymore. Too emotionally taxed.

Wrapped up in your own feelings and thoughts you missed Lucifer glancing back at you. You missed the jarred skip of his step as he caught sight of the haggard expression during your momentary unmasking. You missed the fact he stopped walking all together as you slipped from the room.

You quickly found shelter in the sanctity of your room. Recharging the rest of the evening cocooned in the fuzziest blankets you had, that you made sure always smelled of orange and cinnamon, buried in the book you had just gotten. As the evening slipped into night though, you slipped from your room and made your way down the hall needing a small break from the confines of your quarters before heading to sleep. Because despite your exhaustion, you enjoyed a little fresh air before bed.

Living on the second to top floor had its downsides; like being closer to Alastor’s studio or hiking up the seemingly endless number of stairs. You personally felt it had more perks though. One of the best upsides being a small balcony with a cafe styled table and chairs. Later in the evening when a good number of the residents had either retired to their room for the evening or were still out partying, there was a blissful window of time where there was little risk of running into some else. So you would make your way to the balcony and sit looking out over the city.

Disconnected but present.

You pulled one of the chairs next to the railing so the back of the seat was at a 90 degree angle to the railing. Plopping yourself down, you perched yourself in the seat with both feet up. One arm rested on the railing so as you leaned forward, your belly pressing into your legs, your chin and cheek resting on your arm rather than the cool metal. A few adjustments here and there quickly remedied any qualms your body had with the positioning and finally you were nestled in. The final signal of settling a small decompressing huff.

The usual sights and sounds greeted you. Your eyes scanning for any changes or immediate drama to observe from your box seat above the masses. Angel Dust and Husk walking away from the hotel caught your eye. Angel talking with his whole body as Husk just shook his head in amusement. Angel suddenly buckled over laughing before reaching out to place a hand on Husk’s shoulder to steady himself.

The skin on your shoulder prickled and you involuntarily shiver. You look away from them too little too late. The ache for contact instantaneously tearing at you from the inside. The arm wrapped around yourself tightened in a futile attempt to ease the ache, already knowing from experience it wouldn’t work. You buried your face in your arms contemplating just going back to your room to lose yourself in the book that had occupied your warring mind earlier.

A click sounded from behind you making your head shoot up to see a bashful appearing Lucifer holding the door open. He gave a lopsided grin, gingerly pointing to the second seat, “Do you… mind if I join you?”

You blinked a couple of times, staring at him. Immediately wary of his presence. The lingering silence dragged on, making him shuffle anxiously before you gave permission with a curt nod. You directed your attention back out towards the city despite being hyper aware of him.

A quivering laugh slipped from his lips as he stepped out a little too close for your liking, admittedly the size of the balcony was intended to be intimate, and closed the door behind him as he sat down in the seat across from you. He immediately stretched out, slipping his legs through the railings, putting one elbow on the table between the two of you. “Not a bad view from up here. If you ignore most of the gun shots and ‘fuck you’s’ it can be pretty enjoyable.” He shot a sideways glance over to feel out your reaction at his attempted small talk.

“Yeah it is.”

The city sounds echoed between the two of you. Distant conversations filling the void that the two beings right there were unable, or unwilling, to fill. He nervously laughed, his fingers drumming on the table. You looked over to him this time. Seeing his eyes flittering from object to object unable to choose 1 thing to look at.

Quickly, his drumming fingers started to grate against your already worn nerves and tired mind. Unable to bare whatever this was any further, you attempted to excuse yourself as you started to stand. “It’s late. I’m heading to-”

“No! Wait! Wait!” he sat up from his faux relaxed pose holding out both hands. “Just… hold on.” he breathed out yet another quivering laugh, the panic shining brightly in his eyes as you bore into him with yours.

He took a deep breath. He looked away, mentally giving himself a small pep talk before he looked back. “I wanted to talk. About earlier.”

“I’m tired….” you admit as you stood there looking down at him. His nervous grin and hopeful eyes making your resolve to run buckle. “What about earlier?” you ask, easing back into your seat placing both hands of your clasped on the table.

“Thank you.” he said before beginning to explain. “When you were leaving the lobby,” he specified, making a circle motion with one of his hands, “you looked, well, upset.”

“I looked upset.” you repeated.

He slowly nodded. His next words said slowly and carefully, “I was… wondering if it was something I did? Or said?” he paused before further clarifying, “I wanted you to tell me why.”

You scoffed. Perhaps it was the unroofing of a metaphorical wound his joke had made. Perhaps because you were tired. It could have also been a combination or something completely unrelated. Regardless, you were unable to hold back the venomous sarcasm that slipped from you, “Well I can’t imagine why.” Lucifer’s eyes widened, the reaction only egging you on. “It’s like constantly being judged for something you didn’t and wouldn’t do isn’t upsetting.”

Lucifer stared blankly, “What?”

“Oh you’re plotting against Charlie I see?” your voice lowered in a pathetic attempt to mimic the king. “How many times did you think you’d get away with making the same joke before I realized you clearly meant it? That you’re genuinely suspicious I’m out to hurt Charlie?”

“I didn’t-”

“How many times do I have to tell you I’m not out to get her? I like Charlie! She’s kind! She’s thoughtful! Yeah she’s irritatingly persistent but, she needs to be.”

You had started to dig your nails into your own clasped hands in your flurry of emotions unable to reign them in. You took a breath, realizing you needed to step away from this conversation. You stood up just as Lucifer found his voice. “I never meant for it to be an accusation. It was meant to be a joke.” You felt your emotions spike again, your jaw clenching, as he continued, “I saw you staring at them an-”

“Because I’m TOUCH STARVED!” the words were out of your mouth before you could consider what you were saying, “I saw them giving one another affection and was just so envious! I just stared! I didn’t mean to, I-” You glanced up to him to find a look of confusion, twisting with what you interpreted as disgust, on Lucifer’s face that made your train of thought grind to a halt to reevaluate why his expression was so. Your mind finally processing your admission. “I just…” A hand slowly lifted to lightly cover your mouth, your eyes widening.

“What now?” he asked, the confusion deepening in the expression of his face. A raised eyebrow. A lopsided frown. The slight tilt of his head.

Your face started burning, chest tightening. It instantly became hard to breathe. Panic. You were panicking at the vulnerability you had just bared. Anger melded with embarrassment in the midst of your anxiety. You bristled, launching into an unneeded defense. “You know what, I don’t need to fucking explain myself to you.” You turned, throwing the door to the balcony open, practically running back to your room. Anything he might have said behind you drowned out by your panicked thoughts.

A sleepless night followed. Unable to calm your mind, it ran in circles in your head; justification of your outburst, realizing you completely blew it all out of proportion, getting angry that you had allowed such a vulnerability to air so freely, fear of what Lucifer might do with the information or who he might tell, embarrassment at being so weak, anger at the conversation having happened, before feeling defensive again to repeating the looping train of thought. As the day’s light started to breach the veil of night, only then did you finally slip into unconsciousness utterly spent.

The next few days were spent dodging Lucifer which was relatively easy since you were simultaneously also attempting to fix your wrecked sleep schedule. When you were going to sessions though, you did your best to preemptively vacate any areas when you heard Lucifer approaching or avoided areas you knew he would be in. The change in behavior had mostly been easy to truthfully explain to Charlie as well when you boiled down the scenario into the simplest of terms. You had gotten upset about something and had ended up not sleeping well. While she of course wanted to know the whole situation to help you navigate it in any way she could, she was respectful, admittedly a little pouty, when you said it was something you weren’t ready to talk about. Not having to lie to her made you feel a little better since you missed quite a few of her group exercises.

While many of the residents didn’t care or hadn’t found the change to be too out of place, when paired with your explanation, it didn’t slip the careful eye of Alastor. The first day it had seemed to catch his attention but, by the second day he had taken a keen interest in your antics. When you would try to slip out before Lucifer would come into a room, he would stop you to talk about your participation in the session. Once he told you Charlie wanted to speak with you and then took you into a room where Lucifer and Charlie were talking, only for him to have misheard Charlie’s request. While he framed his actions as innocent and well intended, you had never seen the grin on Alastor’s face as wide as it was. It was unnerving.

By the fourth day, you weren’t just paranoid about running into Lucifer. Alastor’s newest hobby had seemed to become tormenting you and his questions and conversations had become probing. Feeling out cracks in your story. At one point he had even told you he was all ears for any issues you might have with other residents or guests.

Having lived through his rise to power, you knew there was no good to come from exposing yourself to such a machiavellian individual. You wouldn’t put it past him to worm a deal out of anyone, even as lowly you. An expendable pawn was still a piece to play and he was one to look at the bigger picture.

At that point, you garnered enough gumption to face Lucifer. You couldn’t risk getting caught under Alastor’s thumb and the idea of him knowing you were touch starved and how that could be held against you igniting a spike of anxiety. You knew Lucifer and Alastor were not on good terms but, the idea of word getting to Alastor was distressing. You loathed the idea of facing Lucifer but you needed to ensure your blunder remained under wraps. This was for self preservation at this point.

Towards the end of the day, you sequestered yourself to your room to prepare; plan key points you wanted to discuss, how you wanted to phrase things, etc. You knew you couldn't lose your head again, considering how the prior incend had led to the current circumstances. After an hour or so though, you felt ready.

You made your way to the top floor, taking extra precautions to avoid running into Alastor potentially heading to his studio. Once certain Alastor was not loitering about or following you, you made your way down the hallway towards Lucifer's room. You focused on your breathing as you trekked the hall. Attempting to quell your anxiety and slow your racing heart, to no avail. By the time you reached his door, your pulse was thrumming in your ears and you were certain he would be able to hear it too.

You stood before his door paralyzed. Both hands clenched at your side. Unable to stop the tremble that plagued them. Your eyes locked onto the perfect white presetine door as if trying to bore holes through it. Your breathing uneven. All the words you had practiced having evaporated from your head as you made your way there.

This was a mistake.

You pivot. Hurriedly, retreating.

Halfway back towards the stairs your eyes register Alastor's studio door and the terror that drove you to the point resurface. You halted. Your hands flew to your head in a silent temper tantrum as your mind raced to determine what would be the lesser evil. A sense of urgency gnawing at you considering you were standing dead center in the hallway of a barren floor.

What was worse; not knowing if Lucifer might reveal what you had said, accidentally or intentionally, with everyone including Alastor potentially finding out or turning around and confronting Lucifer?

The first concern was all just a possibility though wasn't it? There was no guarantee that it would happen. Talking to Lucifer wouldn't guarantee that he wouldn't spill your secret either. You let out a soft, maniacal sounding laugh as you took a step forward only to stop again. A possibility that would weigh on you for weeks to months leading to you lurking around the hotel, as you had been, haunting the place. Harrowed by the uncertainty at every turn.

"FFFUuuuucccckkk..." you groaned softly. Your palms sliding down your forehead pressing into your eyes. You needed to confront Lucifer. The realization making your stomach churn. You couldn't continue dodging him and you couldn't outrun the fear. You turned resting your back against the wall, your hands on your knees as you bent over mentally recollecting yourself. You went through what you had gone over before in your room. Reminding yourself of the key points.

You sighed and brought your palms to your eyes again. Slowly breathed out. Pulling your hands from your eyes, you launched off the wall propelling you back towards Lucifer's room. The momentum only lasting a few steps before freezing again.

"Heeeey, as entertaining as this pantomiming is, and it's a great performance, I would appreciate getting access to my room sometime tonight."

Your face blanched as a shiver slipped down your spine. You slowly turned to see Lucifer standing behind you. Both hands perched on the apple of his cane and a practiced smile on his lips. One eyebrow raised, almost lost beneath the rim of his hat, as he watched you tentatively turn towards him.

Instantly you straightened yourself and stepped aside. "Good evening." your voice was dry and hoarse.

"Yup. Good evening." he chirped back, unmoving. Your eyes were locked onto a spot on the floor, your mind utterly blank. As the seconds drew on, his smile tensed as he nervously waited for you to do...something? His fingers drummed on his cane. "Well... if the performance is over I'll be heading to my room. Have a good night!" He looked away awkwardly and started on his way.

A quick glance at his back got the gears in your brain working. What were you doing? He was right there. You were screwing it up. "Wait...wait! Lucifer…" It was soft, but loud enough for him to hear. He slowed and turned looking back.

"I..." Your eyes meeting made you want to run. The idea of having this conversation replusing you. You pushed off the wall and walked over towards him, fighting the urge to flee. "Are you free? I-...I would like to apologize and talk. About the other day?" Your face felt flushed.

Lucifer shuffled and gently smiled which was unnerving. It was a smile you had only ever seen reserved for Charlie and Vaggie. "Don't you think it's rather late? It would be a little unproductive if we had a repeat of last time."

The comment struck a nerve considering it was earlier in the day than when he had approached you. It must have shown on your face as his smile dropped paired with your response. "That's fine. We can talk tomorrow."

"Unless, you're not tired?" he asked, putting his nervous smile back on and laughing anxiously, "We could have a cup of tea this time. Chamomile perhaps?"

You hesitated but, then nodded. "That would be nice."

He nodded, as he started towards his room onto the spin around. "Ah! You're comfortable talking in my room right? I wouldn't want to make an assumption! We could certainly talk on the balcony again if you prefer!"

"Uh, somewhere private is preferred so your room is fine." You respond bluntly, his nervous energy deflating. He nodded once more, his grip on his cane as tight as a vice.

The two of you made your way to his room; him leading with you trailing after. His room was surprisingly clean though you couldn't help but notice a small work area over to the left of the door with two piles of perhaps 50 or so rubber ducks. He had noticed your gaze and eagerly redirected you over towards the windows where he had a little cushioned bench seat perched below. As you settled into the seat, Lucifer got two tea cups ready with a snap of his fingers.

He carried them over to you with practiced care and gingerly handed one off to you before he sat down as well. You took the cup, admiring the beautiful and intricate abstract design on it, before lightly blowing on it and taking a sip.

"Sooooo..." he drawled, having quickly taken a sip from his cup as well, "before you start, there is something I wanted to bring up if that's alright." Your eyes flick to his, his expression a mask utilizing his usual smile. You nod, making sure he saw before he proceeded,"I need you to explain to me what you meant by 'touch staved'."

You gawked at him. You hadn’t heard what you thought you just heard. “What?”

Lucifer blinked before looking a little frantic and blurting out, “I know what it means! Of course I know what it means. I’m the king of hell. I’m not so wildly out of touch that I don’t!” he laughed looking out the window before taking a sip of his tea, “I’ve also heard it can mean different things to different people. So I want to know what it means. To you! I want to know what it means to you.”

He finally looked back to you taking another sip of his tea, already halfway through his small porcelain cup. Meanwhile, you felt like you were short circuiting sitting across from him. Not only had you spent the last few days fretting and dodging the angel, worrying that he would tell people what you said, but now he was asking you to spell it out for him. Was he….messing with you? You studied him before he gave you a toothy grin coyly purred out, “So?”

It didn’t seem like he was messing with you. Something like this was more Angel Dust’s style of teasing. You mimic Lucifer by taking a sip of your tea for a slight delay. You carefully set the teacup down on the windowsill next to you and place your hands in your lap. “I need you to promise me you’ll never tell anyone.”

“And why would I do that?” He asked. He was messing with you now though you were in no mood for it.

You narrowed your eyes at him and stated as matter of factly as you could despite wanting to spit venom defensively, “I’m not untouchable like you. We’re in HELL. Anything and everything can be used against you by the wrong people. I can’t end up having someone use anything I say here against me.”

His facade softened and his smile dropped into a frown. He brought the teacup up to his lips and muttered something into the chamomile. “No one is untouchable…”

You heard him say something but, hadn't been able to make it out so you remained quiet.

“I promise to never tell another soul.” he finally sighed.

“On Charlie’s life?” you asked, knowing he could still share what was said as there was no magic binding him. You needed to know just how serious he was though and Charlie was usually a good indicator. His eyes flashed red and they narrowed at you. You held firm, keeping eye contact and straightening your spine.

“On my life. No reason to bring Charlie into this.” he leaned back, his eyes fading back to their normal golden hue.

You hesitated to accept but relented with a nod. Knowing you had to accept the compromise he offered but, you did feel satisfied that he wouldn’t share what was said. You started thinking about where to begin. As you contemplated, you felt your face heat in embarrassment. He watched, patiently biding his time as he lightly tapped the rim of his teacup with a claw topping it off with more tea.

“For me…” you looked him, locking eyes. The embarrassment clawing through you. The intensity making you panic. Your eyes darted away. Finding a spot on the floor to stare at again so you could think with even a fraction more clarity. “For me it means I… I …miss…touch.”

You glanced up to him, to see the sight raise of an eyebrow. Your mind started churning with worst case scenarios and suddenly your face burned hotter. You looked away again.

“Not sexual!” The words spit out, not wanting any uncomfortable undertones to the conversation. “It’s just… simple touch. Like hugging. Lightly having someone put their hand on my shoulder. Even just bumping into people. Any sort of skin contact makes me want more and afterwards that’s all I want. It takes days for that to calm down and since being here… that’s usually around the time something else happens. It’s a never ending cycle.”

He listened, his face remaining neutral as you spoke and he remained silent for a beat after you finished. You rubbed your arm. Between talking about the topic and your nerves, there was a compulsion to do something with your hands. He broke the silence, “The other day when we had our…falling out, you had been watching Charlie and Vaggie because you saw them touching one another? That is why you mentioned being envious?”

You nodded, closing your eyes as you took a breath in an attempt to calm yourself.

He smiled. His fingers rubbing the edge of his teacup as he gazed into it. He knew those feelings all too well. “That…makes sense.” You open your eyes to look at him, noticing the look on his face. He noticed your movement and looked up to you, giving a lopsided smile.

Lilith had been absent for 7 years.

Your eyes widened at the possibility and dared to pose the question, “You too?”

Lucifer stiffened a moment, took a breath and nodded. “Yes. Even I have those days.”

He took a sip of his tea and looked out the window. You picked yours back up and mimicked his action.

“I’m sorry…” you said after a few minutes of what you felt was relatively comfortable silence. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you the other day. It wasn’t fair. I was tired and already feeling…exposed? Hmm…sensitive is probably a better word…”

“Regardless, I knew I was tired. I should have asked to shelve the conversation once I realized it wasn’t something I couldn’t handle right then and there. I’m also sorry for not actually hearing you out once you started since I didn’t ask to stop. I’d like to try discussing it again if you’re willing.”

You spoke while looking out the window. Seeing him shift his attention to you from your peripherals you keep your eyes trained to elsewhere. After you finished, you turned slightly to look at him from the corner of your eye.

The conversation that followed supplied far better results than the last. He clarified how all of his barbs had been an attempt to be playful since he didn’t know you well but, understood how hearing it over and over had manifested as a passive aggressive accusation on your end. You apologized for having taken it that way and not properly addressed the issue before it started to fester as anger. The compromising being he wouldl stop trying to interact with you in that way with the caveat being if he slipped up or tried something new that you didn’t appreciate, you would address it before resentment could build.

At the end, the both of you sat on the bench sipping the last of your tea looking out at the city. At some point, Lucifer had opened one of the windows. A light caress of warm wind slipped in scattering goosebumps up your arms despite it not being cold and you brought a hand up to rub them, hoping they rescinded quickly.

Lucifer’s eyes slid to the motion. “So how long has it been since you had, I guess, consistent contact with someone?”

You blinked, thinking about it. “A couple decades.”

“Decades?” he gasped out. He realized just how loud he had been and he coughed with a smile to cover up his reaction. “I mean. Decades. That’s… awhile.”

“Yeah, well…” uncertain on if he was genuinely surprised at the length of time or found it underwhelming and was being sarcastic, you weren’t entirely sure what to make of his reaction. “Most sinners don’t bother with libraries. The hellborn who do, don’t want to interact with a sinner and avoided me, opting for one of the other hellborns working. So I got left alone most of the time.”

You shrugged your shoulders and turned your attention back out the window. Thinking about it now, it hadn’t bothered you then. You suppose you might have just been ignoring that downside though. It had always been easy to check yourself out emotionally and just get through what needed to be done. Not contemplating what you wanted or what could be. Only focused on what was.

“Has…” you start and then stop, wondering if you should ask. You glance over to him seeing he hadn’t redirected his attention to you. “How long has it been for you?”

“Consistently?” he asked as he pondered the question he had posed to you. “A decade? Maybe a little longer. Lilith and I…” his eyes roamed down to his ring. “We had more downs than ups well before she left but I still got some affection in between when we had a good stretch.

A sad tone had seeped into his voice. He gently rubbed the ring with his middle finger, a sense of melancholy filling the room. You watched. Never having had an extended relationship with someone before, you couldn't pretend to imagine the feelings that lingered. You took a breath and then scooted over on the bench seat pulling him from his thoughts. You extended an open hand to him. He stared. He hesitated before slowly reaching out, his decision wavering for a split second before he placed his hand in yours.

You gently took hold of his hand and looked back out the window. He was far warmer than you had expected him to be. His skin soft. You sighed softly feeling far less unsettled by the sensation than you had thought, regardless of how intimate the action could be seen. It was mindless for you as your thumb began to lightly caress the back of his hand. Lucifer fidgeted next to you, though he didn’t retract his hand.

You weren’t sure how long the two of you sat there. The sounds of the city echoing off the walls of his room with hell’s consistent warm breeze enveloping the two of you in wave after wave. Each of you basking in the warmth of the other, no matter how little it was. It wasn’t until you noticed Lucifer starting to nod off that you smiled and squeezed his hand.

His eyes fluttered open to find you looking at him with a bemused smile. The softest you had looked at him to date. “You’re tired.”

“I’m not.” he mumbled, a well timed yawn slipping from his lips. You raised a brow with his response being a ‘tsk’ noise.

You slowly, reluctantly, pull your hand from his before pushing yourself to a stand. A stretch had a few of your joints popping. “Would be an awful idea to fall asleep like that.”

He stood next to you with a noncommittal hum. As you reached for your cup and saucer, a snap of his fingers dispensed of both his and yours. You nod at him before you look over towards the door and then back to him. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. That kind of magic is thoughtless to me.” he said, misinterpreting your meaning.

“I meant for talking things over and spending your evening with me.”

He burbled out a laugh. “Oh well don’t mention that either. Literally. Don’t mention this to anyone. I have a reputation to uphold. King of hell and all.” he grinned at you with his characteristic saccharine smile.

“An exchange of secrets then?” You asked, entertaining a little bit of his playfulness.

“Ah, still worried about me spilling the beans?” he asked, walking you to the door. “An exchange then. I won’t share yours if you don’t share mine.”

“Deal.” The response was quick and sharp. He opened the door and you stepped through the threshold, pausing and turning around. “Thank you again. I… enjoyed this. Most of this anyway.”

“My pleasure.” his hand did several circle motions as he performed a mock half bow.

You rolled your eyes at his dramatics. “Goodnight Lucifer.” you say beginning to head off before you add, “Let me know if you would like to do something like this again. A tea time or something. I’ll make sure to keep it drama free.”

He grinned leaning against his door frame. “I’d enjoy that.”

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