#trick question (they r all trans)

[sunnycritter]

Wow can you guess what these characters have in common??? Answer in the tags !

Click for quality! :)

#one piece #one piece fanart #trick question (they r all trans) #its true oda told me himself #these characters got mad trans swag #nico robin #perona #bellemere #jewelry bonney #kikunojo #kiku #portgus d ace #roronoa zoro #yamato #franky #usopp #no h8 pls lol #meant to post these on trans visibility day but ive been caught up w work #trans visibility #tag w ur own headcannons would love to hear :) #soulcritsart

[doedipus]

As someone whose first trans community was trans reddit back in the early 2010s, it's interesting how different the vibe has gotten wrt how people talk about transition. Like the main function of pages like /r/asktg was to discuss the mechanics of it all, right, like people would post asking for advice about surgeons and getting hrt, relationship stuff, what to think about when questioning, there was a weekly voice training club, etc. and then as time went on, a handful of orbiting subs cropped up for jokes and memes and whatever, but the focus of that community at that time was very much on documenting how to go about transitioning.

And then on this site, especially over the last 5-6 years, there's a very different attitude, where the emphasis is much more on just sharing a community with other trans people, talking about our interests and political stuff. It's probably an artifact of most of the people I follow being pretty far along with this stuff, but I see very little discussion of the mechanics of things here anymore. I see pushback against the prior emphasis on mechanical stuff more often than I see that kind of advice in the first place

And I think in general that's probably for the best, right, like we all remember dipshit trans-med discourse wars. It ended up being really easy for "this is how you can approach this aspect of transition" to turn into "and if you don't do it exactly this way you're fucking it up for the rest of us."

But sometimes it also feels like things kind of do a toxic positivity underflow from "this task is annoying or confusing or scary" -> "it's fine to not worry about that, it's not for everyone and it doesn't make you a poser or anything if you don't" -> "that task is completely not worth bothering with, and if you do then you're a narc." I wonder whether there's an undercurrent of defeatism in that line of thinking sometimes.

in any case, practical advice about voice training, The Surgery, makeup tricks, hair removal, etc aren't really circulated in the same way, and are seldom discussed positively at all. But like, sure these aren't for everyone, but there's also a lot of gender euphoria and straight-up safety being left on the table there otherwise, y'know?

#this post brought to you by Kimberly remembering that she does have a girl voice on deck and it does feel good to use

[pumpkzsafeplace]

hi pumpkin do u have any idea on how to make littlespace more comfortable for trans babies or babies who struggle with body image issues tyssm if u do respond :)))

-R

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

hihi lil bug’ 🌼

( before i start i just want to say that i did do some research around transgender & transgender in agere- but if my answers are bad or they upset in anyway please let me know so i can be educated more in the topic !)

i’m sorry you’re struggling love :(

my advice would be:

-> remember who you are: if you’re a boy but the body is made to dress like a girl- you’re still a boy. one of the perks of the community is finding tips and tricks to help you enjoy little space under the radar. use kawaii clothing to express yourself- dress in baggy clothes and if questioned and you’re not comfortable to answer why- blame the fashion.

-> buy appropriate items to suit you: for example- sippy cups and paci’s, buy them to suit your gender. it doesn’t matter if you’re transitioned or not, if you feel comfortable using boys toys instead of girls- do that 💛.

-> naming and personalisation: validation can be tough when dealing with body issues- and although i can’t speak from experience, i can imagine it’s hard not feeling truly like yourself when you’re stuck in a different body. so one thing you could do is personalise and name your little clothing/drawings/ toys etc with you’re true name. maybe seeing it on the dark days will help you still feel validated 💛.

-> know you’re not alone: i know this small part of the internet isn’t that many- but we are accepting of everyone💛. we may not know your troubles truly or understand how you feel- but you’ll always have a safe space & a home here. i can promise you that 💛.

i hoped those helped love 💛.

big big big hugs from all of us! 💛

#askpumpkin #-Raskpumpkin #agere blog #age regression #agere community #sfw agere #safe agere #sfw age regression #sfw little community #sfw little blog #agere little #sfw little post

[charms-of-earth]

ok ill bite tell me abt ur autism

omg anon. would you believe you are the first person to ask me about this? ok, here goes. wow, i feel like i'm about to give a speech. ok. so, when i was a kid i had a lot of trouble making eye contact. i even remember one exercise we did in class where we had to practice eye contact with our peers and i (foolishly) proclaimed to the whole class "eye contact is easy! see!" (then i proceeded to look at the teachers chest.) she called me out on it of course, and my bullies in class laughed at me. anyway, when i brought this up to adults, it was always "oh, yeah eye contact is hard" or "you'll get better at it, just keep trying." well anon, i didn't really get better at it. i just got better at *pretending* which i now know is called masking, but i'm getting ahead of myself.

fast forward to my teens because much of my formative years are blocked out bc of trauma (but thats another post) and i've learned little tricks to avoid eye contact. looking at the bridge of someone's nose, their forehead, even just below their eyes or above them. i knew nothing about autism except that there was a nonverbal autistic guy in highschool and i was kinda friends with his sister who took care of him. that was my only exposure to autism so of course that wasn't me, right?

i dont remember if i ever had meltdowns as a child, or even as a teenager, but i know i had chronic migraines and was very sensitive to smells, bright lights, crowds, anything super simulating sensory-wise. maybe i had them, but i just blocked them out like i did so many other things? i don't know, the biggest thing for me was always the eye contact thing and the sensory thing.

i always just felt that *something* was different about me, but could never put my finger on what that was. i experimented with alt culture a bit, but i was already the black sheep of the family so if i became goth or scene that would add fuel to the fire. but i did listen to alt music quite a bit (this seems unrelated but from my research people on the spectrum gravitate towards alt culture and lgbtqa+)

then, in college i finally found out what it was that was different about me! (spoiler alert: it wasn't autism. at least not yet.) i came out as trans and started taking testosterone! well, that didn't last long (only about a year) because i realized i didn't want to be hairy and smelly all the time, and i could no longer sing the way i used to, but it's ok. i'm not a musician or anything. so, i wasn't a girl and i wasn't a guy, so i must be neither! and that's when i came out as nonbinary.

FINALLY, on a whim, my partner and i watched a youtube video by yo samedy sam, who also found out she was autistic later in life (and when i say that i mean like early to mid 30s) and it all fell into place. i've since done a little research and joined a discord server for people on the spectrum, and i understand and respect my autistic friends so much more.

i brought it up with my therapist and she recommended i take a few online tests. ( i think it was on embrace autism, the the tests were the CAT-Q, which is about how well you mask and the AQ and the RAADS-R? really legit tests, easy to understand and well worded.) no surprise i guess, i scored really high on all three tests, especially the masking test.

so, there you have it. if you are questioning whether you might be autistic, i really recommend you samedy sam's videos. autism is her special interest so shes really knowledgeable about it and structures her videos in a way that my brain doesnt wander away to other thoughts or what have you (i have adhd as well, which is a really common comorbidity with autism)

anyway, thats about it! thanks for the ask, and i hope you have a wonderful day/night!

#ask #autism #personal

[wolf-queer-discourse]

Adventures in Aphobia #2

It is absolutely tragic that I’m already adding to Adventures in Aphobia, but here we are again! Let’s get a look at the phenomenal post I will be addressing.

Hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I did. You know, the biggest joke of this whole post is the poster thinking ace people feel comfortable on Tumblr. I promise you they do not XD.

It’s funny how when queer sub-groups complain about bigotry faced from the broader community (this happens a LOT with bi and ace people, but I’ve seen it happen to trans people too), the bigoted queer people immediately call YOU the bigot because they’re actually more oppressed than you, which means they get to say whatever they want. I’m not going to even entertain the oppression olympics on this one.

The answer as to who’s more oppressed always boils down to: it depends, in what way, and why does this matter?

There are a TON of transphobic gay people who throw their hands up when they get called out for their behavior and decry, “But I’m gay! You’re not oppressed for thinking you’re a boy!!”

And honestly, some aphobes do want ace people dead, and not all homophobes want gay people dead. Why are ace people one of the only groups in the queer community who has to personally confess to almost being murdered, disowned, r*ped and stabbed all in the same day to have any of their struggles taken seriously?? Do you make gay people do this too, or do you ever just believe them? 

It’s incredible that some people’s entire queer identity is rooted in the fact they’ve been murdered or disowned before, as if the second you’re not being beaten in the streets, do you really face any struggles? There are gay people who haven’t been disowned or killed (obviously). They’re still gay, and they can still talk about homophobia without being mocked for it.

Bonus points for this poster, in what must be purposeful assholery, not even using a standard, accepted definition of what it means to be asexual. “Oppressed for not having sex”. Yes, because “not having sex” is the definition of asexuality. I mean, God, at least be original and come up with a banger instead of this lazy insult.

And if you needed any more proof this poster hates asexual people take a look at their do not follow list!

Imagine...literally being offended by someone believing ace people are oppressed. If you had room for this shit in your bio, you certainly had room for “spineless bigot” somewhere. Alas…

And uh, thinking minors can be ace is also a DNF-worthy offense?? Oh boy. I hate even having to explain this, but...sexual attraction does not ship to your doorstep on your 18th birthday. I know, I’m bummed too, but that’s just how it is. For real though, there’s no argument to saying minors can’t be ace. Trick question, but not really: can minors experience sexual attraction? Obviously yes. Have you met a teenager? It’s insane that aphobes will argue asexual people are sexualizing children by allowing them the right to define their own feelings. And they always use straw men like that there are seven-year-olds identifying as asexual. Bitch, where? Even if you could search the planet and find me one, you wouldn’t be making a point. 

“BUT WHAT IF THEY EXPERIENCE SEXUAL ATTRACTION LATER?”

Gasp, a person changing their label later in life? The horror! How ever will they cancel their subscription? Aphobes, people change labels all the time. None of y’all seem this pressed when a lesbian later identifies as bisexual. I promise it’s okay.

There is literally nothing predatory about acknowledging minors can feel sexual attraction. Not only is it a fact provable but a five-second stint at any high school, but if you really think that’s creepy...that says more about you than anyone else. Just because minors experience sexual attraction doesn’t mean creepy-ass adults can take advantage of them.

Also...love that this poster said “LGBT aces are fine obv”. Is it obvious?? God, I love how aphobes will literally foam at the mouth about how asexual people are a bunch of attention-seeking, pedophiles who are trying to recruit children then immediately tag on a quick “but of course I support LGBT aces!!”. Are these people really so fucking thick they think their words don’t apply to bi, gay and trans aces?? I have yet to meet a single gay, bi or trans ace who feels positively about ace exclusionists. Your rhetoric inherently harms all ace people because it doesn’t give gay, bi and trans aces room to talk about their aphobic experiences. You don’t get to only support one part of their queer identity and expect a pat on the back. You’re a fucking aphobe, and you can’t cozy that up with your empty words of support for only the “good” aces. 

#remember that bigots deserve to be laughed at #they can be the sillest! #discourse #queer discourse #LGBT discourse #Adventures in Aphobia #ace discourse #asexual discourse #aphobia #ace discrimination #asexual #asexuality #LGBT #queer #ace #rant

[clearsky]

My Top Comfort Characters/Kins and My Main HCs For Them

(Note, not all my kins/comfort characters are on here, just the ones I have more than 5 hcs for)

CW: Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3), Himiko Yumeno (DRV3), Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA), Kyoko Kirigiri (THH), Tsuyu Asui (BNHA), Entrapta (Spop), Ibuki Mioda (SDR2), Celestia Ludenberg (THH), Funtime Foxy (FNAF), Peril (WOF)

Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3)

Nonbinary

He/They pronouns

Autistic

Chains and loose accessories are for stimming

Likes the feeling of silk and cotton

Can't stand the feeling of anything rough or bumpy

He likes collecting small trinkets and the bones of small mammals

Can't stand anything salty. He'll eat it but he certainly won't enjoy it

Dating Rantaro

Can flirt, but only if he doesn't try

Petnames are a hell yea

Gets sunburnt really easily

Group dates with Celesnaegiri and Ikuzono

Can't cook for s h i t

Had a scene kid phase in middle school

Went to the same middle school as Celeste and Maki

Knew them when Celeste went through her "I'm not like other girls" phase and Maki was a Band Kid™

Himiko Yumeno (DRV3)

Female

She/Her pronouns

Lesbian

Can force herself to fall asleep within seconds regardless of where she is

100% forces herself to fall asleep when she doesn't wanna listen/talk to someone

Himiko/Angie/Tenko relationship. I'm calling them the Traffic Light Trio

She likes taking naps in the forest

She prefers enclosed/tight spaces more than open ones

Has several hundred stress balls and squishies laying around

She overheats easy

Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA)

Questioning his gender, but goes by any pronouns

Knows he's Asexual, at least

Has no clue what his romantic orientation is though

The kind of person to carry treats in his pocket just in case he runs into a cat

Will stop to pet literally every cat he comes across

Great at reading people

Doesn't talk unless it's 100% needed

Hangs with Tokoyami, Jirou, and Denki most often

Aizawa has 100% unofficially adopted him

Fosters kittens

Not a big fan of physical touch

He is 100% in the bakusquad. Anyone who says he's in the Dekusquad is a c o w a r d

He and Tsuyu vibe

Knows a bunch of random facts

Dark humour? Dark humour

*skates backwards into his therapist's room slowly sipping from an absurdly huge cup of coffee* Candice you're not gonna BELIEVE the shit I just went through

In case I forgot to mention it, he skates

Kyoko Kirigiri (THH)

Mtf

She/Her

Bi with female preference

Burns go up to her shoulders/collarbone/chest

Prefers to just listen as opposed to saying anything

Knows a ton of random trivia about everyone else in her class

She keeps a notebook she fills with all the trivia

Doesn't celebrate her birthday. She just doesn't see the point of it

Doesn't hate sugar/sweets, but if given the choice she would choose literally everything else

Cuts her own hair

A cat person

Permanent dark circles

T-Tall 😳

Like,,, 6'1 at LEAST

Only person taller than her is Yasuhiro (6'3)

Canon no longer exist

Ahahaha healthy life habits? What are those?

Can't handle horror games

She's the kind of person you'd go to if you needed to rant but didn't want any advice

Polyamourous yo

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

She's a dom yall are just scared to admit it

Tsuyu Asui (BNHA)

They go by They/Them

Lesbian

They and Ochaco are dating

They like to hang with Shinsou

Which mainly just means the two sitting in one of their dorms in near total silence doing whatever

Can speak English and French as well as Japanese

Learned English from cartoons

Picked up French bc they thought it'd be fun

Prefers to stay neutral in the whole Bakusquad / Dekusquad thing

They're invited to all outings/events by/for both squads

They like puns

They're a dumbass but willingly, and for fun

Like "someone says they like dark humour and they'll turn off the lights before telling a joke" kind dumbass for fun

Great at poker

Likes Disney Movies

Very touchy once you get close enough

Not in a sexual way, just likes physical contact

Especially fond of piggyback rides and cuddles

Extreme fear of needles

Entrapta (She-Ra)

She/Her or It/Its

Doesn't bother trying to figure out whether she's cis, trans, nonbinary, or what

Was AMAB though

Short as fuck (4'7)

Strong as fuck though

Cuddle game strong

Physical touch is a fuck yes

Cuddles

Piggyback rides

Hugs

Anything where she's touching someone is wonderful in her book

As long as she's the one that initiates it

Anyone else touching her without her permission makes her freak

Prefers being high up

Makes it harder for anyone to sneak up on her

An ace at video games

When it comes to sexuality she just says she's Questioning

Ibuki Mioda (SDR2)

Any pronouns + Pup/Pupself + It/Its

No idea what their gender is otherwise

Biromantic Asexual

Just likes sexual jokes

Gets distracted easily

Has severe hearing problems

She's plays her instruments as loud as possible, with the amp right next to her, without ANY ear protection

It's caused some damage

She talks so loud bc she has no idea how loud is considered acceptable

Wears hearings aids most of the time

Several piercings and tattoos

Likes hearing things jingle

She has a bracelet with a few bells hanging from it

She'll shake it whenever she's bored

LOVES hair accessories

Ribbons are a particular favourite

Occasionally she'll hang little charms from her hair "horns"

The kind of person who never takes any pills/medicine bc she keeps forgetting she has to

Frequently uses emojis

Skates everywhere but she isn't very good at it

She keeps crashing into everything

Has broken every bone in her body at least 3 times

Most of which was bc she keeps trying to kick in doors and skating down the stairs

Celestia Ludenberg (THH)

Nonbinary

Any pronouns, mainly goes by She/They

Bi, 70:30

Collects mini hand sanitizers and can tabs

Has single handedly gotten Mario Kart, Mario Party, Monopoly, Uno, and Clue banned a grand total of 17 times (and counting)

The kind of person to purposefully target someone regardless of what game was being played

Favourite victim is Byakuya (bc he gets so upset about it and she finds that hilarious)

Mains Waluigi

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

Has several banned Twitter accounts bc whenever she's bored she'll start discourse on purpose

Hangs with Korekiyo, Ibuki, Byakuya, Yasuhiro, and Leon most often

It's a weird friend group but everyone's sorta gotten used to it

She and Byakuya gamble together occasionally

She tries to avoid it bc he'll willingly blow his entire fortune in an attempt to beat her

Autustic

Can't stand the feeling of water

Mainly bc she can't swim for shit

Horror movies? Hates them

Gets flustered super easily

Taka is her twin brother

Kotoko, Kokichi, and Gundham are their half siblings (Same father)

Peko and Toko are their cousins

She sucks ass at go fish

Fuck canon she's 4'11 now

C h u b b y

Freckles

Once she gets comfortable enough with herself she dyes her hair in the peekaboo style

Either black and red or black and blonde

Haven't decided yet

I'll be doing Celesnaegiri hcs as a seperate post but I just feel it's important for you to know that she expresses her affection verbally and is a very touchy person

Went to middle school with Maki and Korekiyo

Has horrible eyesight

She wears contacts most of the time but she always puts off buying more

After the 5th or so time she ended up blindly stumbling around a week after her contacts ran out Kyoko convinced her to buy glasses as well

Religious accessories yo

Like chokers and dangly earrings with crosses and pentagrams and shit

Likes wearing wacky earrings

Can run and do all sorts of tricks in heels

She and Mukuro are exes yo

Keeps her hair short so it's easier to manage

Hair never gets longer than her shoulders if she can help it

She seems like the kind of person who'd keep her bangs grown past her eyes regardless of how frustrating or inconvenient it is

She's a sub yall just don't wanna admit it

Funtime Foxy (FNAF)

I'm going on the record to say this

Funtime Foxy is genderfluid and that is that

Goes by Funtime

Any pronouns, They/Them most commonly

Plays music (keyboard and guitar mainly)

They and Funtime Freddy (Freds) mainly play with the kids

Freds mainly tells stories with Bonbon while Funtime more so plays one-on-one

Has nicknames for everyone

Circus Baby - Ringleader

Ballora - Bells

Funtime Freddy - Partner

Bon Bon - Bun

Peril (WOF)

I like both Nonbinary She/They Peril and Mtf She/Her Peril

They're both such good concepts

She's a lesbian, Harold

She only had a crush on Clay bc he was pretty much everything she was supposed to like in a guy

Gimme a moment while I force all my mental disorders onto this poor child

Autistic, Anxiety (Social anxiety, mainly, but she has most types), Adhd, PTSD

I'd like to reiterate yet again that She's a lesbian

Sunny and Glory were her gay awakening

Peril in Book 1: Damn, Sunny and Glory sure are pretty. Anyone would be lucky to date them. Clay would probably go for them over me. He would be stupid if he didn't. I myself would willingly date them over someone like me. They're just so pretty :(

Peril waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of arc 2: WAIT-

Rarepair alert but Peril/Sora

Peril meeting Sora: "Hmmm She's attractive. I would love to date her. Too bad I'm straight and in love with her brother lmao :P"

Peril, a mere month later, waiting for Ruby to leave Jade Mountain, pacing in her cave, running face first into a wall: WAIT-

I remember reading this one amazing story where Sora taught Peril to read/write and Peril found out she set off the bomb and comforted her/convinced her her run so that's canon now

Btw if anyone can remember what that story was called/what platform it was on and could tell me I'd appreciate it very much

I'd even be willing to draw a character of your's or make you an icon or something

I usually don't accept requests bc I get burnt out easy but this is a special case

She runs into Sora again sometime between the beginning of TOP and the end

I like to imagine she just goes wandering around

Anyway she confesses like a mere few minutes after running into her again bc Peril is just subtle like that

The actual confession takes 15 minutes and the entire time Sora is just sitting here like "👁👄👁 sure"

Bam Peril/Sora

Peril plans to keep it a secret for a little while longer but she spends 3 seconds around Clay and pretty much blurts it out

Clay, who wasn't even aware that Peril was a lesbian, is just "👁👄👁"

I wanna say Clay doesn't know what a lesbian is but in my canon Sunny is a lesbian so Starflight has already told him

Anyway he's super supportive

From that point Peril is sorta open about her sexuality?

Like, she gives Clay permission to tell the rest of the D.O.D bc she isn't about to risk being in front of them when they hear the news

(When Sunny starts actively seeking her out as a hang out buddy and Tsunami, Glory, and Starflight appear to tolerate her presence just a bit more afterwards she pretends she isn't confused by the change)

She's pink, white, and blue bc I said so

If you look at a certain angle in the right lighting her eyes, mouth, fire, and under her scales all look purple

But her fire is normally white and blue bc I said so

Also she pale as fuck bc in my canon their fire just sorta burns their colour away

You know how you leave something outside for too long and it gets sunbleached? Where it gets all washed out?

Like that but more extreme

By the age of 10-12 firescale dragons are just white with pale eyes

That's right not even the eyes are safe

Ram horns :P

I'm also fond of Peril/Sunny

Or maybe Peril/Sora/Sunny

But Peril/Sora is the main thing

On the topic of that bringing in my hc that if one sib in a sib group is fire resistant all of them are

She,,, She can change her scale colour

But only slightly and only if her emotions are strong enough

Bc I don't give a fuck about Darkstalker's scroll we were robbed of hybrid Peril

Unfortunately all of Peril's emotions are strong

Rainwing ruff along her head and neck

It's like a hood

It's mainly smoothed to her sides but when she's startled it flares out

RAINWING PUPILS

Y'all will know what those look like as soon as I get off my ass :P

She,,, She can mimic bird cries

Hates the summer

She has more than enough body heat already and the outside is just hot enough to add on and make her feel sick

She can somewhat control her heat but most of the time it's based on her emotions

It can go from standing-in-the-middle-of-a-burning-building-cant-see-your-nose-smoke-is-so-thick heat (Strong emotion) to Hey-thats-a-nice-cozy-campfire heat (Calm/"weak" emotion/Sleeping)

I'm just gonna make a different post with all my Peril hcs cuz there isnt enough room for all of them here

#Danganronpa #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #trigger happy havoc #danganronpa goodbye despair #goodbye despair #danganronpa v3 #five nights at freddy's #fnaf #fnaf sister location #wings of fire #she ra #bnha #my hero academia #headcanon #korekiyo shinguji #amaguji #himiko yumeno #shinsou hitoshi #kyoko kirigiri #Celesnaegiri #Celesgiri #mha tsuyu #ochatsuyu #ibuki mioda #entrapta spop #celeste ludenberg #peril wof #Sora wof #Sora/Peril wof

[coochiequeens]

Another HP actor is a total ingrate to JKR. Hope he did better research into transitioning then he did into what she actual said.

At some point during the first Australian run of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Sean Rees-Wemyss resolved to change his own personal script – Sean would be Eva as soon as possible. The young man was resolute. Each night on stage, he played the coveted role of Harry’s son, Albus. But in real life Sean was preparing to ask doctors for the oestrogen that would help his transition to being female. It wasn’t quite living a lie because the theatre profession by definition allows an actor to cloak one’s identity night after night.

“It did make it easier because the mechanisms of theatre are inherently an artifice,” says the actor, now known as Eva. “We go there to be tricked and we want to be tricked … the inherent artifice is a comfort to so many of us.”

It’s the artifice she knows so well as a child of the theatre, but it’s universal too. “Who among us is ready to look inwardly in the bare light of day without any mask, veil or cloak? There’s nothing more terrifying than ourselves!”

Eva has perhaps looked inwardly more than most. Her experience of making a transition from male to trans female inspired her to write her first play, he/r, which opens this month, directed by her sister, Ruby Rees.

As Sean, she inhabited the Albus role for three years even as J.K. Rowling’s questioning of gender and trans identity experiences troubled the cast and many beyond.

“Truthfully, the role was really fun, it’s a great play and it was really exciting,” Eva says. “There’s something cool about pretending to have magic powers and throwing spells at your co-workers every day. But it was hard too. J.K. Rowling’s horrendous comments were devastating on a professional and personal level. We all grew up with those Harry Potter stories, and then she just came out one day and started being really hateful, which made me really sad. Our company was really supportive. The people on the ground in Melbourne working with me were really on my side.”

The character of Albus is an anxious child who’s worried that he can’t live up to his father’s heroic reputation. In one review, Sean was praised for his “intense rendering of teen vulnerability and bravado, rebellion and insecurity”.

At 23, Eva is articulate and wise, choosing her words carefully. In the contested, often hurtful multi-generational discussions about gender in art and society, there is something clear and uncluttered about her sense of herself – the rightness of being Eva. She’s as comfortable with “her” as “their” and brings a lot of insight and wit for those with no experience of trans people or politics. Eva says there was no sudden epiphany on stage or off.

“The discomfort around gender dysphoria was never localised to one area of my life. It wasn’t like I existed happily as a woman and would step out on stage and there’d be an incongruence. It permeates your whole existence; it’s the air you breathe. So there was never that moment when the guillotine fell and I thought I can no longer do this. It was a general sort of discomfort … Eventually the signs add up and you think: maybe I shouldn’t ignore this any more.”

Eva’s first script took shape after the pandemic closed theatres and sent actors home. She joined Ruby, who was studying directing in Sydney, and began work on he/r. While it’s not strictly autobiographical, there’s a yearning in the writing process that makes for a poignant story.

“The core narrative is completely fictional,” says Eva of the play, in which she also performs. “It’s about two friends and is not based on my life. However, there are moments of dialogue taken verbatim from emails I’ve sent people and they’ve sent me back. A really long time ago I created the character I now play. She’s always who I wanted to be. I wrote a mentor for myself and a lot of the play is me grappling with trying to become that mentor. Her name is Claire and there are emails from me – Eva, Sean – to Claire.

We all grew up with those Harry Potter stories, and then she just came out one day and started being really hateful.

Eva Rees

“In the play, before Claire’s transition, they were in a couple with a character called Isla in high school. So, it’s a matter of having a history. We all grow up and have experiences that change us. The play is also about female friendships and relearning how to love the women in your life as they are, even though they may be different to how you left them.”

What did Claire represent for Eva? “She was a woman, had transitioned and was happy as a result of that. I think when you’re trying to get on hormones and trying to convince doctors that it’s a good idea and you understand the heightened risk of blood clots and you don’t have a history of psychiatric illnesses and all the things they make you prove before they allow you to take oestrogen, it’s all you think about.”

Ruby had the perhaps unenviable task of appraising a new work by a close family member. “The first time I read it, I read it as a full show. She didn’t just hand me a couple of pages. I may be biased but I’m her biggest fan … it’s good to look your sister in the eye and say I really think it’s excellent and I’m not just blowing smoke.”

The sisters had a three-day writing intensive at their mum’s apartment, covering the windows in colour-coded post-it notes. As both sister and director, Ruby had Sean’s acutely personal experience to absorb even before a script took shape, when her sibling shared her wish to live as a woman.

“You have to understand that it’s not your experience,” Ruby says. “I tried to be open and ready and always be listening, but not to pry. The play is a good metaphor of that. It’s not a one-woman show where Eva gets up and tells her story. What Eva has selected to put in front of an audience are cultivated moments that give great insight, especially to those who don’t have a family member who has been through it. Transhood is not the point of this show, but it’s present.”

Celebrities talking and posting on social media is one way in for many people – but even at Eva’s level of public profile, as a recognised young Australian actor with a solid body of work, history is never erased. Online, Sean has a history. There’s a showreel of a young man starring in Nowhere Boys; media reports about the Harry Potter cast, references to Sean’s role in the film Jindabyne. Eva is slowly emerging publicly online. Her thoughts on this are moving and considered.

”To be really literal about it, how do you remedy the situation? It could be search engine optimisation. For a lot of trans people I think there’s something really traumatising about the presence online or otherwise of people’s memories of them pre-transition. I don’t feel shame. I don’t hate Sean and I’m not ashamed I was Sean. I want to be perceived as a woman, but there’s no emotional investment for me in people forgetting my trans-ness. I hope people look online or see old photos of me and say: ‘oh wow, she looks so different, hormones work!’”

As Eva makes a kind of professional debut, she admits to being terrified about the play’s premiere. “She wants to cancel the play every day,” Ruby says. “I want to be the older sister jumping in to say, yes, it’s terrifying but incredibly brave. She’s acting, and it’s also her debut as a playwright – double-whammy terrifying. Eva is putting herself out there for people, which takes a ton of courage.”

#I Stand With JKRowling #Harry Potter and the ungrateful child actor

[skinnyziamlove]

i've always wanted to make a fic rec but i never got the chance, but yesterday some friends (@introvertedbitch2302 and @liamislife​) asked if i could recommend them some of my favorite fics and i got all excited and here i'm !!!!

these fics are my precious babies and i love them all so they are not in a specific order (and please be aware of the trigger warnings in the tags before you read them):

Just the two of us and a cute little cup of cyanide

Or an I-accidentally-married-my-best-mate-in-Vegas fic, where Liam's completely oblivious, Zayn's completely in love, Harry's had enough, Louis plays mediator and Niall just wants his best friends to be with each other.

The Underdogs

Zayn Malik hates everything about winter. He hates the snow, he hates scraping the ice from his car, he hates freezing every time he steps outside, he hates wearing hats and heavy jackets. In fact, the only thing he doesn't hate about it are his hockey player buddies and his childhood best friend, Liam Payne, the teenage star hockey player and captain of their small town team.

Good Thing At a Bad Time

Zayn prefers to be on his own. It's easier to survive when you don't have to worry about anyone else. Liam leads a large group of people that have taken residence in an abandoned prison. When Zayn wakes up in a prison cell, all he can think about is finding a way out. Liam makes him want to stay.

I See You Babe, But We Are Both Blind

Zayn's fairly certain the world actually hates him. He's got the shittiest luck, and fate seems to want to fuck with him. But maybe that's exactly what he needs.

One Direction returns to London for a break from their Take Me Home Tour in August 2013, and after an unfortunate run-in at a coffee shop, Liam and Zayn find themselves in a fake relationship. Except, it ends up not feeling fake at all.

through the summertime, winter, spring, and fall

They change with the seasons, burning bright during the summer and biting cold during the winter, but that feeling of being in love Zayn found in the summer clings to him through it all.

Angel of Mine

"I'm Zayn, a third year english student, it's my first time here and," he swallows, throat thick with nervousness, "I guess I'm here ‘cause I'm an alcoholic."

Zayn is a recovering alcoholic and Liam is his sponsor.

Die Young, Stay Pretty

Zayn is happy being a hairdresser who minds his own business; that is, until someone called "Liam" has to come in, dragging his friend on the back of a bet. And, really, Zayn didn't stand a chance.

It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn

At a time in his life when Zayn thinks he has forgotten what genuine happiness feels like, Liam comes into the picture and changes everything.

Mad About the Boys

Or: Five times Zayn and Liam cheat Death and then one more time for good measure.

But You Held the Ice

Every time Zayn gets hurt, Liam is there.

Everything On You Intoxicates

Where Zayn maybe stalks that fit guy from his Intro to Lit class on Instagram.

Tangled Up in You

It turns out Zayn’s flatmate is essentially a disney prince. Zayn wonders how this became his life.

kill monsters in the rain

A story where Liam can't get over how great Zayn is at singing and drawing and pretty much everything, how just being near Zayn is enough to make Liam's life a hundred times better, how lucky Liam is to have a best friend just as dedicated to pretending to be a superhero as he is.

it keeps my veins hot (the fire's found a home in me)

or the one where zayn survives a fire and falls in love with the firefighter that saved him.

This Swirling Storm Inside

Or Frozen AU in which Zayn is the heir to the kingdom of Arendelle. He's also trans, and his lifelong dysphoria is finally reaching a breaking point.

I'll Be Strong For You

When Zayn breaks his leg attempting to skateboard over Harry's car, he ends up stuck in the hospital for two weeks. The only thing he doesn't hate about the hospital is the gorgeous volunteer, Liam, who is almost annoyingly sunny and happy. But Liam's got a secret a secret hidden behind his impossibly bright smile.

And You Know For Me, It's Always You

The Gilmore Girls AU I thought would be a good idea and it turns out, it was.

Beautiful Monster

Or, Zayn is a homeless vampire who, unbeknownst to Liam, has been routinely breaking into Liam's van for a warm place to sleep. When Liam catches him in the act things end up going in a direction no one expected. And then shit gets weirder. Because Liam might also be hiding some secrets of his own...

Z.A.Y.N

For six years, international R&B star Liam Payne has topped the charts with his unique, upbeat songs. Even though he’s proud of where he’s gotten himself, he knows he can’t take all the credit; there’s one particular songwriter that goes by the name ‘Icarus Kalim’ that’s played a huge part in his success. Because of the writer’s ability to craft thought provoking tracks that touch Liam in a way he didn’t even know was possible from afar, the celebrity makes a musical exception for ‘Icarus’, buying the man’s songs for himself, even though he swore he would never put his name on something he had no help in creating. But what happens when Liam finally tricks the soulful poet into meeting him after years of not even knowing what the man looks like? Is ‘Icarus’ really all Liam’s made him out to be in his head or will he be unlike anything the singer could’ve ever dreamt up…

I'm Almost Me Again, He's Almost You

(Or, where Liam searches across time and space for the answer to the question: Who the fuck is Zayn?)

A Full Course Meal

Liam had been dreaming about having his own restaurant for a few years. Money was always an issue, though, so when he heard the Food Network was recording a few episodes of Chopped in his city, he let his best friend talk him into participating.

Many things could go wrong along the way; from ruthless rivals to impossible ingredients, from unforgiving judges to his own mind getting in the way.

He spent long nights fretting about the possibilities and still, he never could have guessed what Chopped really had in store for him.

My Lungs and Your Lilac Eyes

This is a love story. It’s an accident, mostly. Nearly all of them are.

You're My Favorite Story

A zombie outbreak leaves Liam teamed up with Zayn, a stranger with a motorcycle who saves Liam's life. Their world has been turned upside down, and all they really have is each other.

Let's Be Alone Together

After getting his heart broken, Liam escapes his life in London by boarding a plane to Amsterdam. Along the way, he finds someone just as lost as him. Together they might just be able to find themselves.

Money Moves

~Fake Engagement AU with Boss!Liam and Secretary!Zayn ~

in the sun

"This man might wander into my dreams, too, some night. Wouldn’t it be nice, if I could pretend we’d met before? I’ve waited a long time, for such a lord.”

Be cruel to me ('cause I'm a fool for you)

Or the one where Zayn is a stressed out single dad, Liam might just be what he needs, Louis and Niall are always happy to babysit and Harry's a loud snorer.

powerless (and i don't care it's obvious)

"Or the one where Zayn and Liam are in love, Liam has another bro female pal that might have been his beard in high school, Zayn has heartbroken sorta past, Liam is a superhero, Louis and Harry are disgustingly in love as Liam and Zayn are and Liam's friends just want him to not-be-a-virgin anymore.)

#ziam fic rec #my ziam fic rec #ziamfanfiction

[imaveryevilenby]

So I’ve never heard of trap used in any way what does it like mean idk I’m just wondering I’m sorry if this is a question that ur uncomfortable about please feel free to ignore it

It's a slur against trans people (I think transfems specifically, but it probably applies to all trans people) that means that we trick or trap people into having sex or being attracted to us because our outward presentation is different than what's in our pants.

That term and the "tricking people" definition has apparently also been used to justify beatings and other discrimination against trans people.

It's not an acceptable term and should never be used even against fictional characters (looking at you r/animemes)

#ask

[ardellian]

I. Am very ANGRY.

For all the trans people who read this - you are amazing, you are brave, and fuck everyone who dares to tell you how you are allowed to express who you are.

Anyway I went through JKRs essay on trans issues and tried to deconstruct it because a prominent Swedish political figure just supported it and these are EXACTLY the kind of arguments I have had to counter and it SUCKS. I will have to sit through this shit being thrown at me again not far from now. So this is... venting, I guess. 

This is going to be long and if you want to understand it I guess you should read what she’s written; it’s on her homepage. But also don’t read it because it will probably make you sad and angry. It’s transphobic and ignorant, and just, please, stay away from it if you know that will make you feel like shit. I’m also going to be quoting her in the text below, so I’m putting it under a cut. 

M’kay. 

First, what even is she trying to say with this essay? She says she’s worried about the “new trans activism.” What exactly is worrying with this new activism? Well, she doesn’t say it outright, but it seems to be that she believes it’s getting too easy to transition. That the “rigorous process of evaluation, psychotherapy and staged transformation” is being eroded, and this is bad.

Through the essay I can find two main arguments she has to support this claim.

1. Cis youth (in particular cis girls) will be fooled into to thinking they’re trans. 

The UK has experienced a 4400% increase in girls being referred for transitioning treatment. Autistic girls are hugely overrepresented in their numbers. 

Littman mentioned Tumblr, Reddit, Instagram and YouTube as contributing factors to Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria, where she believes that in the realm of transgender identification ‘youth have created particularly insular echo chambers.’

She also supports this idea by sharing a personal history of being uncomfortable with gender roles, and confusing that with gender dysphoria: 

“The allure of escaping womanhood would have been huge. I struggled with severe OCD as a teenager. If I’d found community and sympathy online that I couldn’t find in my immediate environment, I believe I could have been persuaded to turn myself into the son my father had openly said he’d have preferred.” 

“Fortunately for me, I found my own sense of otherness, and my ambivalence about being a woman, reflected in the work of female writers and musicians who reassured me that, in spite of everything a sexist world tries to throw at the female-bodied, it’s fine not to feel pink, frilly and compliant inside your own head; it’s OK to feel confused, dark, both sexual and non-sexual, unsure of what or who you are.” 

3. A concern that fake trans women invading women’s spaces would make “natal women” less safe:

“A man who intends to have no surgery and take no hormones may now secure himself a Gender Recognition Certificate and be a woman in the sight of the law. Many people aren’t aware of this.”

“When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman – and, as I’ve said, gender confirmation certificates may now be granted without any need for surgery or hormones – then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside. That is the simple truth.”

Okay. 

Let me make an observation here before I try to counter these points. She’s having very different problems with the ease of transitioning for trans women and trans men. If it’s too easy for trans women to transition, men will use this as an opportunity to prey on women. If it’s too easy for trans men to transition, young girls will be in danger of forsaking their womanhood. She clearly identifies with the young afab people who question their gender, but not with trans women who want to be recognized as such. Let that sit with you for a bit and I’ll see if I come back to it. 

Let’s see if I can argue against these two points first. 

1.  Cis youth (in particular cis girls) will be fooled into to thinking they’re trans.

Her statistics aren’t wrong. There has been a huge increase in trans youth. This increase is especially prevalent in neurodivergent afab people. Trans health care, at least where I live, is struggling with how to deal with this. Those diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders often have difficulties with feeling comfortable in their bodies and the language used around that can be similar to the language used around gender dysphoria. Many people are concerned, as JKR obviously is, that these people might think that transitioning would get rid of these symptoms, when in fact they stem from something completely different. These people may transition and still have these symptoms. They may be disappointed. 

The conclusion you’re implicitly supposed to draw from these statements, and those like what I quoted above, that these young trans people aren’t really trans. That they’re somehow being tricked by trans activists. You have to believe two other things for that: that young neurodivirgent people can’t interpret their own lived experience in a correct way, and that transitioning is harmful. 

Because why would it be a problem if a young person questions their gender, identifies as trans, transitions, and then changes their mind? Who cares if they have an autism diagnosis? It is only a problem if transitioning is bad for you. And the part that people like JKR seems to think is harmful is that they might have “altered their bodies irrevocably, and taken away their fertility”. But the unaltered body holds no moral superiority over the altered one. While fertility is something many people desire and something many who lack it grieve, it is not something that inherently gives your life more value. To JKR, the inherent harm of transitioning can only be justified if the person is really trans.

The tendency of a specific group to display a higher prevalence of identifying as trans is then used to cast doubt on their experiences. It’s a “social contagion” - they’re not really trans. But why does any of that matter? So what if a person identifies as trans because they see themselves in another’s story and go - that’s true for me too? Why can’t you believe them? 

Well. Because you don’t really believe trans people are real. You believe that when young people speak of dysphoria, they are referring to the experience you had when you were young. And you’re happy with being a woman now. So surely they just need to accept themselves for what they are and they won’t be trans anymore. 

I get it. I recognize myself in what JKR writes here. I felt “mentally sexless.”  I also “found my own sense of otherness, and my ambivalence about being a woman, reflected in the work of female writers and musicians” and this reassured me. Find a woman who has not during a period of their life hated their body, I dare you. The world we live in does cause women to have strange relationships with their bodies. And it’s very easy from there to make the logical leap to the idea that young trans men are just girls who never found that reassurance! I might have also thought so, if I hadn’t connected with trans men in my teens, and actually tried to understand their experience, and realized that my negative feelings about my body not living up to some standard of beauty, about not being woman enough in some way, and not wanting to be “pink and frilly”, was not the same as their experience. I mean - I didn’t like my body because I thought it should look like a beautiful woman’s body, but they felt bad about their bodies because they thought they shouldn’t look like women at all!  Young boys don’t find reassurance in texts about womanhood. Because they’re not women.

So I feel a bit sorry for her. Because I think that she sees herself in these young people, and it terrifies her - what if I could have turned out to be trans? But that would only be a problem if you think being trans is a problem. So maybe you could have been trans, JKR. Why does that bother you?

And god, if you want to talk about things that pressure young people into irrevocably altering their bodies, how about the  “rigorous process of evaluation, psychotherapy and staged transformation“ that tries over and over again to make sure, double sure, triple sure, that you really are what you say you are. Trans people who want access to gender-affirming care have to show no weakness - if you slip up and say that you might not want surgeries, that can be used against you and you get nothing. Trans people repeatedly say they have to perform their gender to the extreme in order for health care providers to believe them. They’re being questioned and doubted and pushed and to get through that, you have to dig in and fight. This is not a process that encourages careful consideration and doubts - it’s a system that says: all or nothing, hesitate and you’re out. 

So we get to her second argument:

3. A concern that fake trans women invading women’s spaces would make “natal women” less safe:

Here she draws a line between real trans women, who have passed through some rigorous testing process, and men who fake it. She uses her history of abuse as a cause to be worried about the safety of women if the gender binary were relaxed. The only argument she makes here is the one I already copied up there: 

When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman – and, as I’ve said, gender confirmation certificates may now be granted without any need for surgery or hormones – then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside. That is the simple truth. 

Let’s be charitable and say that she means men who would fake being women when she writes “any man who believes or feels he’s a woman“, and not trans women who just don’t perform womanhood according to her standards. But still the question remains - why oh why are you so scared of seeing a body that doesn’t agree with your ideas of a woman in a changing room? If that “fake trans woman” is there, and doing nothing wrong, then why are you so bothered about it? Why? Is the sight of male secondary sex characteristics inherently harmful to women? No! Are you afraid that someone might experience sexual attraction when looking at your body? Then do you think lesbians should also have separate changing rooms? No, you obviously don’t! Sexual harassment is never acceptable, and just because you have a same-sex space doesn’t make that space immune to it. Opening it up to non-conforming bodies does not make sexual harassment somehow acceptable. Those who enter spaces with sexual harassment in mind should be dealt with - but the presence of non-normative bodies is not sexual harassment. 

Trans women are women, JKR says, and I sympathize with them - but only if they display their womanhood in a way that agrees with my idea of it. And they’re not like me. Only if they have the right kind of bodies, have gone through medical procedures, want to do these surgeries, will I extend my pity.

And fuck that.  

Look, the kind of logic she presents here paints trans people into a corner where the only acceptable way of being is to subscribe to a certain kind of body. Which harms the very people she claims she wants to protect - young people questioning their gender. Especially non-binary people, whom she doesn’t even acknowledge. 

And now let’s stop being charitable - JKR doesn’t believe trans people exist. She believes that those who say they are trans are tragically confused and we should only accept their words because we are nice. We should accept their delusions because we pity them. She doesn’t understand her own opinions this way, I’m sure. But fuck her understanding. 

She’s upset because the idea of “womanhood” is moving away from her. She feels - I’ve felt this too! - that this push for increased inclusiveness is taking the focus from the real issues. Things that affect all women. But claiming that women have “unifying realities that make them a cohesive political class” is something that white women say. When anyone talks about “the real issues”, they usually mean “issues that affect me.”

I mean that’s privilege 101, people. 

Ugh.

In conclusion, I’m still angry. 

#jk rowling #jkr #transphobia #i'm sorry for venting on you #please don't interact with this if you know it will hurt you #look to be prefectly clear i am a cis woman so if i'm out of line let me know #i would be happy to stand corrected #but i #i'm just fucking tired

[supercalvin]

breaking the rules but 5WR for the prompt thing? i was just thinking they went well together and you’d be able to do something crazy awesome with it :)

5. High School AU + W. Pretend Relationship + R. In Vino Veritas

There are no rules here, friend. You can do whatever you want, and I certainly love this combination of tropes+AU. Have I ever mentioned that High School AUs are a guilty pleasure of mine? Which is probably why this turned out so long. Omg why can’t I write 500 word ficlets anymore???

Prompts  (or any prompt)  + Ficlets

***

Lance had invited Merlin to this party, which was the only reason he was here.  It wasn’t that hed didn’t normally go to parties. He did. It’s just he usually hung around a different crowd. Will’s parties were smaller, usually no more than ten kids sitting around his living room, staying up too late, playing video games, and maybe baking some of Freya’s weed into badly made brownies.

Lance, on the other hand, was the type of person to get along with a lot of different people. So not only was he close friends with Merlin, but he also happened to be friends with people in the drama club, the student council, and the football team. To be fair, it was hard not to like Lance.

So Merlin didn’t usually go to crazy house parties filled with football and rugby players. He was beginning to wish he had made Will come with him, even though he knew Will would just complain the whole time. Merlin was chatting with Elyan, a bloke he knew from maths class, trying his best to not seem out of place. He sipped on his beer, and prayed Lance would come save him at some point.

“Hey, it’s Merlin!”

To say that Merlin was surprised when Arthur Pendragon flung an arm around his shoulder and smiled at him would be an understatement. To say that Merlin was surprised Arthur Pendragon knew his name and apparently was happy to see him, was an astronomical understatement.

“Hey,” Merlin smiled, trying his best to seem nonchalant. Arthur smelled strongly of cologne, and Merlin had to mentally remind his tipsy-brain that saying ‘you smell good’ would be supremely awkward.

“Lance said he invited you,” Arthur said, still smiling at him. “I’m glad you made it.”

Merlin shrugged, “Why not, I guess?”

“Arthur!” Someone from across the kitchen yelled, “Where are the towels?”

Arthur groaned, “Bunch of children. I’ll be back,” Arthur tussled Merlin’s hair, playfully.

“That was weird,” Merlin said.

“Was it?” Elyan asked, “Arthur’s just like that when he gets more than one beer in him.”

“Really? I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation with him. I didn’t know he knew who I was.”

Elyan tilted his head to the side. “Didn’t you have history with us last year? You know, with Mr. Garrah?”

Merlin thought back. Maybe he had. But he hadn’t spent much time with Arthur. To say the least, Arthur Pendragon was the Golden Boy oftheir school. He was certainly one of the most popular kids. He was a star footballer. Alright enough in his classes, from what Merlin could tell. Definitely was fit. God forbid if Merlin forgot how fit Arthur was. Merlin was bisexual and was very aware of the fact that in a few hours it would hit him that ArthurPendragon had just been pressed up against him.

But, Merlin reminded himself, he was the only out-and-proud kid at school. And no matter how much Merlin drooled over him; Arthur Pendragon was in a serious relationship with Gwen Smith. Merlin had known Gwen since his first year in Camelot. They had kissed during a Truth-or-Dare game at Will’s back in Year 9. He hadn’t spent much time with her lately, since their schedules didn’t line up, but he assumed if Gwen liked Arthur, then he must bealright.

The party continued for another hour or so, everyone loosening up as more beer was drunk. Merlin mingled with people he had never talked to before and if he was being honest he was having a great time. Merlin wasn’t drunk, per se, but he certainly wasn’t sober by the time Arthur crossed hispath again.

Merlin was sitting on a couch, and Arthur plopped himself down right next to Merlin.

“Hey, you like Triple Goddess, right?”

“Yeah, how’d you know that?” Merlin asked, not sure how Arthur would know his favorite band.

“You wear their concert shirts a lot.”

Merlin wasn’t sure how often he wore Triple Goddess shirts, but he wondered if it was too much if Arthur noticed them.

“I looked them up after I saw your shirt. They’re really nice to listen to while I study. They’re really low-key,” Arthur said.

“Yeah, I listen to them while I code,” Merlin said, wondering too late if it was too nerdy to mention that he liked to write his own computer programs. He tried to cover it quickly, “I haven’t listened to their new album yet. Haven’t the time.”

“I have it upstairs, if you want. Come on,” Arthur stood up and offered his hand. Merlin took it without much thought.

Upstairs was less crowded. Most of the doors were closed andwhen Arthur pulled out a key to open his bedroom door, Merlin figured that was how Arthur managed to keep things from getting out of hand. It didn’t click that Merlin would be alone with Arthur until the door closed behind him.

Arthur pulled out his laptop and popped open the album. The noise from the party was much more subdued in Arthur’s room, and the low sounds of piano and violin came through clearly. Merlin looked around the room as themusic played, unsurprised to see a football banner along with an action movie poster. The desk was scattered with books and the bed was a rumpled unmade mess. Arthur obviously hadn’t expected anyone here tonight. Merlin wondered if Gwen was at this party. He hadn’t seen her. Probably not, if Arthur was here with Merlin of all people.

“Isn’t the lead singer of Triple Goddess gay?”

Merlin chewed on his nail nervously wondering if this was a trick question. He tried to remember that Gwen was a cool person, and she wouldn’t date a homophobe. Hopefully.

“Yeah, she is…” Merlin said, “And the drummer is trans, actually.”

Arthur hummed. He was leaning against his desk, flipping around one of his books. He looked nervous, which was strange to Merlin.

The song changed and the beat was mellower.

“Is that, uh, why you got into the band?”

Merlin rubbed the back of his neck, “Actually, yeah, that’s how I found out about them. They have a music video with two guys, uh, you know, together.” Merlin shrugged. He hadn’t talked much about his sexuality with anyone besides Will or his mum. He wasn’t sure why Arthur was asking. Maybe he was just trying to make conversation with what little he knew about Merlin.

“Yeah, I saw that one.”

Merlin rocked back on his heels.

“So…” Merlin struggled to think of anything he knew about Arthur. But before Merlin could ask about football, and absolutely stick his foot in his mouth, Arthur beat him to it.

“I’m glad you came. To the party. I told Lance to inviteyou.”

“What? Why?”

“I, uh,” Arthur looked up, like there was going to be an answer on the ceiling. “Shit, Gwen said this was going to be easy.” He set down his book and stepped up close to Merlin. He cleared his throat.  “I think you’re fit. And smart. And I know we don’t really know each other, but I’ve never had a good reason to talk to you before.”

Merlin blinked at him.

He took several seconds to process all that.

“Sorry, what was the first one?”

Arthur smiled, “I think you’re fit.”

“B-but what about Gwen!” Merlin stuttered.

“Oh, right.” Arthur said, as if he had forgotten about his girlfriend. “I’m her beard. Or we are each other’s beards? Doesn’t matter. She’s dating my step-sister Morgana. We told our Dad that she’s dating me, so that when she stays over, she sleeps in Morgana’s room. It’s a nice set up.”

Merlin blinked a couple times.

“Uh. Merlin?”

“I think I’m going to need a moment,” Merlin held up a hand. “You’re gay?”

“Yeah,” Arthur shrugged and gestured to himself, as if that cleared that up.

“Holy shit, thank you Jesus,” Merlin said, before slapping a hand over his mouth.

Arthur laughed hard and Merlin smacked his shoulder when he wouldn’t stop.

“Fuck off, you know you’re fit! Don’t torture me.”

“You think I’m fit?” Arthur asked, seeming to be truly interested in the answer.

“Uh, yeah,” Merlin said, trying to suppress a nervous giggle.

Arthur smiled, and Merlin noticed that his teeth weren’t completely straight. There was something charming about him that had butterflies flutteringin Merlin’s stomach.

“So, uh, I’m not out to my Dad. But uh, would you like to, Idon’t know…We could see a film. Or you could come over and we could play some video games? Or something.”

Merlin smiled, “Yeah, I could do that.” Merlin stepped up closer to Arthur, suddenly feeling very brave. “How do you feel about snogging for a bit before going back down to the party?”

Arthur’s eyes widened, “Really?”

Merlin raised a brow.

“That wasn’t a ‘no.’” Arthur said quickly, “I’m just, uh… I’ve never kissed a boy.”

Merlin smiled, “Want to?”

Arthur nodded, “Yeah,” His eyes trailed down to Merlin’s lips. It didn’t take much movement to tilt his head to the side and pull Arthur into a kiss.

When they made it back down to the party, no one seemed to notice that their lips were red and chapped. Merlin had a bit of a bruise on his neck, but he would just cover it up with a scarf tomorrow.

***

Prompts (or any prompt)  + Ficlets

#merlin #merthur #merlin fic #ficlets #Anonymous

[laundryandtaxes]

while there r ppl who say shit like "if you have a genital preference or arent comfortable having sex with someone who has a vagina/penis youre transphobic", i think what sapphic-sex-ed was talking abt is the mentality of "i could never be attracted to a trans person" or specifically equating transwomen to men sexually. I find that while in certain online communities theres a strong idea of the former, while i find that the more commonly held idea, esp with ppl who arent on tumblr, is the latter

I am exclusively attracted to and interested in sex with members of my own physical sex, whether you would like to refer to that as afab people or female people or cafab people, because that is my sexual orientation. It is the sexual orientation of many, many people, and it is fine and it does not cause anyone harm unless "harm" can be defined as not having sexual access to someone you want to fuck. A whoooooole lot of women are too scared to be honest with themselves and in public about what kinds of bodies they find sexually arousing- I get that, and I used to be too! But there are millions of homosexual people in the world.. A clever trick has been to pivot, as it seems was your instinct, from discussing this in terms of genital preference- even though it is estimated that there are twice as many bisexuals as lesbians, most bisexuals in my experience are perfectly normal people who can wrap their heads around the fact that many people are only sexually aroused, for instance, by one set of genitalia. The term "cotton ceiling" was dropped by most people early because it was clear that women's sexual boundaries were the ceiling to be broken, and it's bad optics to say that out loud.

The pivot has been toward talking about sexual orientation in terms of transness and cisness- the "cotton ceiling" actually refers to people who won't have sex with transgender people because they are transgender, which is clearly a morally bad sexually boundary to have (because apparently there are morally bad sexual boundaries now!) and actually THAT'S the crime in question. But the fact is that I and many other lesbians have in the past and would absolutely in the future have sex with people of our own sex who identify in a wide number of ways that are all under the transgender umbrella- I've had and enjoyed sex with people who identified as some variety of transmasc, all of whom were perfectly aware that I'm a lesbian! It has nothing to do with how good or bad I find someone so much as whether they are the kind of person that I'm sexually interested in or not.

To be super clear I think you're really putting your best foot forward here and acting in good faith but the whole thing is wildly homophobic. I hope this gives you some stuff to mull over!

[thesaltyace]

big rant/ramble below, you can safely ignore and move on to the next post in your feed.

Urgh

I shared the results of that autism screener with a quasi-friend who I thought would be "safe" (we used to work together and we connected over his being gay and me being visibly queer) but his response was blergh

Everyone has hints of autism.

okay yeah but this isn't just *hints* of autism. I'm answered yes to symptoms I've had since I was a kid that I've learned to mask or work around as an adult. But I still struggle with them.

He pointed out that he sees me as more ADHD than ASD.

Yeah, fair, and I'd need to see a professional to try to distinguish if my symptoms are ADHD, ASD, or both.

You don't hit the three prongs needed for a diagnosis.

But.... but I do. And the stuff I dealt with as a kid is still stuff I deal with today. I just mask it better. A short and not exhaustive list:

As I kid I had trouble interacting with peers. I didn't have friends, really. I didn't know how to make friends and I didn't try terribly hard to. I acquire friends when someone else "adopts" me and decides that we are friends. And once I became an adult, I have almost never had friends of my own - I share a friend group with my spouse who we're primary connected to through him. I'm okay with that. Maintaining a friendship entirely on my own power sounds impossible and exhausting.

I was okay with not having friends, I liked being alone, but my mom insisted on me being social. She made me join things so that I would have a list of people to invite to parties. I'd honestly have preferred a day of doing stuff I like or just a couple friends. As an adult, I want to be alone on my birthday. I will celebrate with certain friends, separately, usually over a quiet meal. That's it.

I had trouble understanding sarcasm and figurative speech. Like, I understand it now but I still think most figurative speech is annoying. I've been told the way I deliver sarcasm is weird, too.

I liked memorizing movies and quoting them start to finish, I thought it was fun but everyone else thought it was weird. I continued to do this into adulthood but I only quote aloud when I'm alone. Alamo Drafthouse quote-alongs are the BEST. I don't do this with every movie, either, just ones I really like.

Okay actually I also liked to listen to the same album or, in some cases, the same song over and over until I was sick of it (and sometimes even after that point). I mean, just endlessly looping on repeat. Not interspersed with other songs. I do this as an adult a LOT because it's easier with headphones to do this without annoying everyone else around you. Like, often it's fine for me to just put a playlist on shuffle, but I get into Moods where I just want the one album/song over and over. Yesterday I listened to Wellerman about 50 times in a row and only stopped because I had to get up and do something else and that song wasn't "good" for whatever I got up to do.

My special interest as a kid was cats. Literally everything cats, all the time - I sought out obscure facts and could tell you the difference between similar species, and wanted cats involved in literally everything I did. Adults laughed it off as childhood obsession. I was also pretty obsessed with the solar system. I thought asking my peers, as a trivia question, which of Jupiter's moons had its own asteroid (Io, in case you were wondering) was appropriate and interesting and was confused that they didn't know that. That was in fifth grade.

I watched the weather channel for fun. I would watch it for hours and absorb the weekly forecast info just... for fun? I never used it, could never tell you if you should dress a certain way or bring an umbrella or whatever. Everyone thought it was weird.

I was a know-it-all and literally could not stop myself from bluntly correcting people who were wrong. Didn't know or care that it was "rude". I'm still that way but I've learned how to sometimes swallow the urge long enough to find a more tactful way to point it out (but often fail).

I could read on my own before kindergarten, used vocabulary beyond what one would expect for my age, and had a special interest in spelling and grammar throughout my school years. I did not understand how other people weren't interested in learning about it and getting it right. I read at an undergrad level by 4th grade.

I hated loud noises and often covered my ears to block out irritating sounds. I could also hear high pitched noises that even other kids didn't seem to hear (or at least weren't bothered by them). Too much noise sent me into an internal meltdown, I'd just kinda shut down because I couldn't deal with it.

Textures and pressure on my skin bothered the absolute fuck out of me - sock seams, certain fabric materials, socks that weren't equally elastic, one shoe tighter than the other, tags.... all of that. (Also, fun anecdote I just unlocked - when I was 4 or 5 my grandmother started letting me use the soft silk sleep shirt she had as a young woman because I preferred it to anything else. Soft, smooth, no irritating qualities. Bliss. I wanted to wear it all the time.)

Don't get me started on food. Until I was in COLLEGE I mostly subsisted on pasta with either butter or alfredo sauce and chicken. I would eat other things, but pasta and/or chicken was (and still is) my biggest safe/comfort food. I'd eat other stuff mostly if I could control the balance of ingredients, get it made plain, or could confirm the texture wouldn't be offensive (so, like... plain burgers, plain cheese pizza, grilled cheese, mashed potatoes, etc.) I cannot stress this enough - from childhood through COLLEGE I did this. As a kid my mom had to make me a completely separate dish most nights to get me to eat something. My spouse was horrified at what little variety I ate. The only reason I eat so much variety now is that he knows what I do/don't like and tells me in advance if I'll find a texture or taste offensive. Of course, rather than wanting consistent texture like I did when I was younger, I now seek as much texture as possible (so long as they aren't Bad textures) so.... that's fun. But yeah most of my objections to Yucky foods is due to T E X T U R E. Even if I like the taste, the texture overrides it all.

I prefer animals to people. I will seek out animals and interact with them instead of people in the same room. And will pointedly focus on the animal to avoid interacting with people.

I'm perfectly happy with only myself for company. Being with just my spouse counts as me being "alone" though. Always has. I just realized last night that it's because I do minimal to no masking around him because he's a safe person to unmask with and always has been. Never batted an eye at the weird shit I do beyond asking questions about what I was doing or why. And then just "Okay."

Okay honestly just the fact that I want to vent into the void of tumblr instead of actually discussing this with a person - even my spouse! - pretty effectively shows how little it occurs to me to interact with other people directly. o_0

And there are so many more things that I won't list here because I could just go on and on. And like, sure, some of this may certainly overlap with ADHD but my point is that I have enough to point to ASD that it doesn't feel like having a "hint" of autism. And who knows - maybe it is mostly just ADHD and CPTSD stuff interacting in weird ways. Could be!

But just because I can make small talk and make eye contact and do the "normal" shit and I can interact "normally" doesn't mean I LIKE it. I had to LEARN to do those things to avoid having bad social interactions. When I'm by myself or with my spouse, I behave very differently than I do around anyone else. ANYONE. It's not just slightly changing my behavior depending on who I'm with - it's completely suppressing how I naturally would do things if left to my own devices.

Like, the things we recommended to our autistic students who wanted to know how to interact in ways that would help them blend in/be accepted by others ARE THE EXACT THINGS I ALREADY DO. Like, it did not occur to me at the time that neurotypicals literally do not have to think about doing those things. I thought, ah, these students just need to be told what the tricks are. Other people figure these tricks out on their own. It did not occur to me that other people, in fact, do not learn these tricks because they naturally do that behavior. They do not have to actively think about learning the trick, period. I literally thought other people also have to think as hard as I do about interactions. Evidently not.

So yeah, I'm feeling a little upset about the reaction I got from him because I'm like.... honestly, a diagnosis of ASD wouldn't change a lot about how I do things or think of things. But it would make me feel better about interacting with and participating in autism-related stuff if I am actually autistic. I realize I can use the resources and supports meant for ASD regardless, and for formal supports anything I can access due to my ADHD diagnosis likely covers anything I'd need for ASD. But having a diagnosis opens up more community. Right now I'm like yeah I'm ADHD but I totally relate to this ASD content. But I'm not going to interact much because I feel like I don't have the right to join in since idk if I do have ASD.

idk I have a lot of feelings. I had a bad email about the trans insurance coverage thing yesterday and I'm not in a great headspace, but finding out me and my spouse both scored very high on the autism screening stuff was honestly a high point because we ended up sharing a lot of how we view and interact with the world that was very eye-opening about why we interact the way we do, how we relate to others (and how other people think we're weird for how we relate to others), and just...everything. And having someone be skeptical after I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I DON'T have ASD only to conclude that at the very least, I should probably be evaluated because I can't reasonably rule it out. Like, most people do not wonder if they have autism. The fact that I am spending this much time looking into it and trying to find examples to disprove it only to find I overwhelmingly can't in virtually every single diagnostic category.... just..... dismissing it outright is kinda hurtful.

Like, I recognize that ADHD symptoms overlap a fair bit, but seriously. My spouse (who definitively does not have ADHD) scored almost identically to me and we vibed on almost everything when we compared answers. We see most things similarly. We have similar areas of confusion about other people and for fundamentally similar reasons. I can't imagine all of the stuff that points to ASD for me is just ADHD in disguise, not when I vibe THAT HARD with someone else. Spouse does not vibe with me on ADHD content. At all. He can appreciate it since he does live with me, after all, and observes whatever's being discussed. But he doesn't vibe with it. He vibes with autism content, though. And I vibe with both.

idk this rant ended in rambling and I'm just going to go listen to Inside on repeat for a couple hours while I try to calm down a bit. o_0

#rant over #for now #I've actually been listening to Inside for the last twenty minutes already lol #maybe I'll try to nap #idk #blergh #yay Shit is playing now and I'm like LOL cause I did wake up at 11:30 feeling like shit #woot #what a bop #I'm like hell yeah you get it #let's vibe

[dujourmeans]

who doesn’t love a good childhood friendship crew? this is going to be pretty to the point, but still super cute and all that jazz. the town is orlando, it’s summer in the early 2000s, and a bunch of tired parents are out asking for nothing more than a break from the summer break infused energy of their kids. it’s after a “stroke of genius” from one of the parents and a handful of community discussion that work begins on the remodeling of a large but virtually abandoned old building into that of a community center for kids. the objective of the center is not only to give them a trusted and safe place to go throughout the year, but to … you know, give parents a bit of a break (but the kids didn’t really understand that until later in life). the center opens just shy of the finishing of the 2000 - 2001 school year, and it’s a hit right off of the bat. minds are molded, children are happy, and friendships begin to be formed that are either temporary or long-lasting. for a group of twelve of these kids, it’s the latter. all roughly six years old at the time, these twelve kids bonded together in a way that was unique to any of the other friendship circles who frequented the community center. they did everything together and, by the time their first summer at the center had ended and a new school year had began, they began to meet up just as often elsewhere. twelve birthday parties yearly, trick r’ treating together at halloween, christmas parties with cliche secret santa presentings, outings into the heart of orlando to terrorize all of the theme parks, carpooling together to school (no matter how cramped and questionably legal the seatbelt situation got). even after they grew older and were less likely to hang around the community center they still hung around each other … exchanging out their more childlike activities for “age appropriate” ones (like hanging around the mall, loitering outside of gas stations and trying to sneak into r-rated movies). now all in their early twenties, they’re all still close in their own way, but with adulthood brings changes and also challenges. some have stayed within the orlando area while others have moved away. some attended college locally while others went to other cities around the country, or even studied abroad. some are just as they were growing up while others have drastically changed. all that has really stayed the same is that they love each other and they swear that they’ll always be there for each other whenever they can. or they hope, at least.  like said: this is a pretty general plot and it’s broad enough that it can be worked at from several different angles depending on the character that you have. there aren’t a lot of requirements for it either, just the following: they were all raised in orlando (and lived in the same general neighborhood), they were in the same year in school, and they’d all be twenty-five or so (either recently turned twenty-five or they’re set to turn it before the end of this summer). for the sake of being fair and even there’s gonna be a six male / six female ratio for the group, but obviously if anyone wanted to make a trans or nonbinary character we can work that out!!!!

boy #1 • taken by piper

boy #2 • taken by maddie  

boy #3 • taken by layne

boy #4 • taken by derek

boy #5 • taken by bribri

boy #6 • open

girl #1 • taken by britt

girl #2 • taken by jo

girl #3 • taken by alex

girl #4 • taken by alice

girl #5 • taken by marie

girl #6 • taken by fi

#ntmyrp

[tillman]

So, a question: I'm not sure how to approach Gareth. I'm fond of the headcanon of him being a trans man, and I have thought that, in order to get a male body, he reached an agreement with a fae that he'll get one if he worked in Camelot's kitchen without revealing his real identity. However, when he accepts the quest to save Lyonors a year hasn't passed, and the fae decides to ruin Gareth's and Lyonors' sexy times by making the male body disappear. He is distraught and Lyonors is like (1/2)

(2/2) "sister, an evil fairy has tricked my boyfriend, and you sending knights out of thin air doesn't help! Make the same spell", and she does, not knowing that means that Gareth has to work in their kitchen now. When the year passes Lyonors organizes a jousting match for their wedding, Gareth defeats his family and explains what happened, Gawain is like "Cool I love you brother" and that stuff. Problem is IDK if it's transphobic or not. Do you think you can help me? Thanks

Uhhhh ok im not like. Able to say if its transphobic from just like.. 2 asks but from what I can get:

It would be super transphobic to have him lose his body (like. Is that detransitioning) and have people only care about it for sex. Trans peoppe can have sex like anyone else even without transitioning? I think the entire thing of taking away someones prefered body they got through any means has a huuuge like. Conotation of transphobia in that his transness is something that can just be taken away at the whims of another - not his own.

I dunno I cant rlly say. Its all on how u handle it but those are my personal trans opinions. Other trans people r free to say how they feel this is just how I feel. Im not the end all be all

#I personally just like trans gareth as more of a growth story. #he comes to camelot to work in the kitchen to earn his spot at the table. he takes the quest to prove hes an orkney brother. #he comes in disguise and his own family doesnt recognize him. hes bullied for looking feminine and is called something he doesnt identify as #I think the trans narrative is obvious even without making it the center part of his character #but yeah tldr making a character transition for sex is transphobic and having his transition being taken away feels really weird to me. #like its not his own or something. maybe im just tired. #anyways gareth trans and lancelot gets the lady to give him fantasy testosterone like he gets :-) #thats MY hot take

[sparklyjojos]

CARNIVAL recaps [9/13]

Today’s recap: Nessie the killer, a Dot on the run, and a game of truth and lies.

--

SEVENTEEN

12 Oct 1996 — 18 Oct 1996

LOCH NESS

--

The Trans-Siberian Express crashes into Baikal, but the vast majority of the passengers survives thanks to quick rescue only possible due to Hanto Maimu’s prediction. Drexel Uryakov is declared dead.

A week later Maimu predicts that the next case will happen at Loch Ness. The lake is known for its alleged cryptid Nessie, one of the world’s most famous UMAs (Unidentified Mysterious Animals).

--

[Swap to first person narration.]

It’s a mystery what kills all the people who have gathered at Loch Ness that day, but the footage found by the police in a victim’s video camera shows an astounding scene. From the surface of Loch Ness rises a head resembling that of a giant turtle, nearly twenty meters in length. It takes a look at the gathered people and swipes at them like a deadly whip, crushing them against the walls of Urquhart Castle until no one is left.

After the attack, the three of us leave the Billion Killer skull at the scene and go back to the Morgue, the area of the Sanctuary where we Dots live. I go back to my dark empty room and use the automatic belt conveyor system that runs in the walls to get a drink. Then I watch as the experts on TV try to explain the Loch Ness case. It seems one of the victims survived for long enough to confirm that it really was Nessie who attacked them.

It’s strange that someone survived. Had His Excellency RS predicted that this would happen, or had they somehow missed it?

Dots don’t know anything about who the Billion Killer is, what tricks he uses for the cases, or what his connection with RS is. We are only supposed to leave the skulls at the right places, to help RISE purge the Beasts in preparation for the era of Gods, and not ask questions… but sometimes one can’t help but wonder. Humans live to solve mysteries.

The video footage was surely meant to be found. The sole survivor could have been a planted Dog, or maybe RISE messed with his head to convince him his testimony was true… but would Billion Killer do something as simple as just using a fake witness?

The Billion Killer case was probably designed to seem unsolvable. In this sense it resembled a magic show a lot; what looked like a miracle was just careful engineering and preparation behind the scenes, and all the marvels would lose their charm if everyone could guess the methods easily. Normal people should never be able to figure them out… so the truth can’t possibly be something as simple as a fake testimony.

If we assume there was actually no Nessie at the lake, then RISE had to plant their own Dogs as the victims and kill them in cold blood… which isn’t unbelievable, but I don’t want to think about RISE treating their underlings like disposable tools, even though I’m a Dot. It’s better to believe that the Billion Killer somehow manipulated Nessie, and the ones gathered around the lake were normal people.

Dogs at least have families and friends who would grieve them. Dots don’t have anyone—because we have already “died” once. The previous “us” don’t exist anymore, and we no longer need things like personal differences, gender or age. The same undistinguishable “I”, like characters in a novel. We thought that RISE would bring us into a new age, but in the end we are just tools.

--

[Back to third person narration.]

The three Dots who assisted with the Loch Ness case are called to the Dragon’s Center, where Black Rook tells them they did well and are to go to the Cosmic Room to talk with RS. Seeing one of the Dots worried, he reassures them that it’s the usual procedure.

After they leave, Black watches the displays for a while, paying most attention to the secret live feed of the detective Ryuuguu Jounosuke. Then he checks the progress of brainwashing of “that Beast captured at the Cape of Good Hope”: as always the man in question is lying down with a strange helmet covering his head, all data showing that the process should be entering its last stage.

--

Black goes to the Cosmic Room. RS, as always dressed like a minotaur, already knows what Black is going to ask—why were the Dots left alive this time?—and tells him to go to the Dark Room of the Sanctuary if he wants to know... and if he wants to learn why RS doesn’t worry about the “Pregnant Genius” either.

RS reminds him once again that they know everything and cannot be betrayed. Even if Black is trying to secretly plan something, he can’t hide it from RS. Not that it would matter either way; RS knows that Black has only sixty-three more days to live, and changing one’s destined lifetime is impossible.

“You, Black Rook, the Master of the Sanctuary,” RS addresses him seriously, but then as if correcting themselves says, “no… Ryuuou. Don’t forget you’re carrying the greatest responsibility. Die as the person you are. Don’t worry your head with Ryuuguu Jounosuke.”

It’s been a while since RS used Black’s real name.

As Black leaves the room, he answers so quietly he can’t be heard:

“Mein Fuhrer… lord Tsukumo Jaki.”

--

Black goes to the Dark Room—as the name implies, it’s kept in complete darkness—and discovers headless bodies of the Dots inside.

But only two bodies. The third Dot fled. No doubt RS had already known this would happen. The reason why the Dots weren’t killed on site was so that this one could escape later.

It’s pointless to try to avoid the all-knowing gaze and prophecies of RS. Black knows that. But maybe there is a way to turn those prophecies in one’s favor.

--

EIGHTEEN

02 Nov 1996 — 08 Nov 1996

BOROBUDUR

--

A man called Elfi Geppen [or however you romanize ゲッペン] works as a driver of a cycle rikshaw that tourists hire to get to the temple Borobudur in Central Java. One day, a mysterious Japanese tourist wearing a strange black coat and hat approaches him and addresses him as some “Suzukaze Unomaru”, apparently mistaking him for a friend. Elfi has a feeling like he had heard the name Suzukaze before, but can’t place it.

Elfi isn’t good at Japanese, but fortunately the strange man calling himself Ryuuguu Jounosuke can speak fluent Indonesian. He explains that ever since he was born he’s been travelling all over the world with his parents and naturally picked up many languages. He believes that his native Japanese is the hardest to learn, and in a way could be regarded as one of the Seven Wonders of the World. Ryuuguu works as some kind of a detective (and certainly he has a way of looking right through Elfi that makes him feel uneasy.) Ryuuguu says that the way Elfi speaks in broken Japanese is odd, almost like he’s only pretending not to know it.

--

[Second person narration.]

You offer Elfi a bet. If he wins, you’ll pay him additional money for driving you to Borobudur and showing you around the place. You say you don’t actually need a guide, but want to blend in with the tourists, so that nobody will notice you searching for someone—for a man without a name.

The rules are as follows: during the conversation, each party will answer the other’s questions with only lies, but may mix in some true statements here and there. If one person correctly guesses the other is telling the truth, he wins. If the guess is wrong, he loses. They have time until noon.

Elfi agrees to the terms and you start moving towards Borobudur. (Of course, your actual goal here is something else than money. You win no matter the bet’s outcome.)

“Are you Japanese?” Elfi starts.

“Hmm, however one looks at it, Ryuuguu isn’t a Japanese man. Ryuuguu is only a projection of a living person and doesn’t quite exist. Nothing more than a story character.”

“So you’re saying you live in a book? But then why is your body so real?”

“Oh, it’s borrowed. A temporary thing. Ryuuguu actually comes from an underwater palace they call Ryuuguujou. Has Geppen-shi heard about it?”

“Well, I’ve heard about the sea prince Ryuuguu Jounosuke that resides in it, which would be you.”

“Are you Javanese?”

“To tell you the truth, I’m the same kind of person as you.”

“So a story character? Could it be you come from Ryuuguujou too, Geppen-shi?”

“I’m not a person, but a character, a pawn created by an author. I do not come from Ryuuguujou, unfortunately, but I am not quite Javanese, just like you are only pretending to be a Japanese man.”

“Then where did you come from?”

“Ryuuguujou is a castle in the sea, but I came from the castle in the sky. Elfi Geppen is only a temporary name.”

“Ryuuguu has never heard about it. Wouldn’t a castle in the sky be quickly discovered?”

“That castle cannot be seen. I came from there three weeks ago.”

“And got into the rikshaw business so fast?”

“Well, just like you guessed, I’m actually pretty good at Japanese and can reliably get Japanese clients.”

“Is that really true? This question is outside the bet.”

“Is what true—that I can speak Japanese?”

“They don’t necessarily have to speak Japanese in that castle in the sky. Isn’t there some other common language?”

“Well, there’s the R language. That’s what I’m best at speaking. What language do they speak in Ryuuguujou, I wonder?”

“What a coincidence! The R language as well. ...Ryuuguu understands now where Geppen-shi is from. That castle in the sky is called the Sanctuary, isn’t it?”

“...yes, is it,” Elfi says and goes pale, but you pretend not to notice.

You arrive at Borobudur. The bet will have to continue during sightseeing. Geppen seems to be unraveling a little psychologically under all the questions.

(...you understand that. Sometimes, when playing “Ryuuguu Jounosuke”, you take a conscious look at “yourself” and see a big difference between the two, that you really work hard to bridge.)

--

[First person narration.]

I end up guiding Ryuuguu around. He seems to enjoy this bet and getting answers out of me… how much does he know?

“Are you really one of JDC?” I ask. “If you come from Ryuuguujou, why would you become a detective?”

“It was a lie. Ryuuguu is actually a member of RISE, the ones responsible for the Crime Olympics.”

“Was that about a nameless man also a lie?”

“It was true, but Ryuuguu isn’t searching for him out of detective duty, instead to get rid of him for the sake of RISE.”

Then Ryuuguu notices a blind man walking around the temple, so I explain that it’s Old Man Pongo. Nobody knows his true name, so in a way he is nameless. He has spent so many years living the same way every day—walking from his home village to the temple and back—that he can still do it even without sight.

Noon approaches, so it seems the bet won’t be won or lost by either of us. I say that as long as I get the normal payment it’s fine with me. Ryuuguu says that it seems awfully like I’m trying to get away from him, so I quickly add that I just have something urgent to do. Ryuuguu retorts that now it just sounds like I’m about to commit a crime. I answer that hey, it’s Ryuuguu who said he’s with RISE, and the hour’s getting close to 1 PM on a Saturday. Ryuuguu laughs, finally pays me and goes away.

But it still feels like I’m stuck in a story. That man without a name that Ryuuguu mentioned—that’s me. But how did he know that? The IDID he showed me looked real, but what if he really is with RISE? But if he was, there’s no way he would let a runaway Dot like me to just walk away.

Had it all been predicted by RS? Did the Sanctuary make a stop at Sumatra back then specifically so I could run away? Either way, I have no choice but to try realizing my plan to stop RISE.

--

The next Billion Killer case was so unusual it almost got overlooked: a person nicknamed Old Man Pongo fell down the stairs of Borobudur and died. A few tourists claimed that he tripped over a Billion Killer skull, which was then stolen away by a man.

Even though the tourists claim that, I know I stole that skull before the old man could even approach the stairs. The witnesses must have been planted by RISE. I thought that if there was no skull in place, the Billion Killer would lose his perfect streak, but it turned out to all have be planned. Instead of helping, I just became a suspect. If I disappear, nobody will ever know the truth.

I can’t help but wonder—why was this one case so... normal? And if there was no skull to trip on, why did the old man fall down the stairs that he climbed every day?

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A month later mass media announce that the JDC detective Ryuuguu Jounosuke has died in a plane crash. For some strange reason, I feel like I lost an old friend. Maybe it’s because when they show a photo of his smiling face, I recognize that glimpse of loneliness in his eyes. Sadness behind a happy facade. Sadness of a man without a name. In a way, maybe the person Ryuuguu had been looking for the most was himself.

Then I remember where I heard that one name, “Suzukaze Unomaru”: it was the man brought inside the Sanctuary after the Cape of Good Hope case. The one who had ordered to save him was Black Rook—and with this thought, I realize that the eyes looking at me from behind the black mask were the same as Ryuuguu’s. Not just similar; the very same.

Black Rook and Ryuuguu were the same person.

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Some time later, as I try to get through rioting crowds in Jakarta, the Billion Killer skull hidden in my backpack like always, I’m violently attacked and await my death on the street. Just another little death that nobody cares for in the grand scheme of things. As my consciousness fades, I recall the events in Borobudur and suddenly realize what truly happened.

What the Billion Killer actually did wasn’t pushing the old man to his death; it was extending the giant stairs by one step. The change wasn’t noticeable to most people, but a blind old man who relied on his memory would make a wrong step and fall to his death.

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[>>>NEXT PART>>>]

#sparkly reads carnival #maijo and jdc stuff