#this post brought to you by a zine I just read about One of the LEsser-Flaunted Aspects of my Identity

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

It just turned xmas eve and I'm sitting here grinning like a lunatic at how I described Dove's transformation into demon!Dove, specifically because I really like what I headcanon'd about the letters!

In the climax battle scene of DDD, I gave Dove the same runes that Raven glows with in s4, except I Elaborated. I gave them Purpose besides just Look Cool and Ancient. Excerpt below (DDD, ch20).

--

And when the merging was complete, Raven couldn’t believe what she saw.

What had he done to her?

She lifted herself from the dust and stood with a stance so powerful, so confident that Raven couldn’t believe it was DOVE under that cloak. The newborn demon stretched, flexing, gathering and astrally caressed the currents of energy – Suddenly she threw the scorched cloak away and revealed an outfit that swept across her curves, skirting her back and shoulders, so provocative it was barely even there; its pieces embraced at her cocked hip and accentuated her battle-ready stance.

So little of that crimson and leathery flesh was hidden, the real Dove would have fled under the covers from embarrassment. But more importantly, more frighteningly, this utterly uncharacteristic outfit revealed messages sewn into her skin like astral battlescars:

Dove was marked with dark scrawls of energy, the epistles burning in activation, scripts to keep his power in her body, runes to channel evil energies ripped from the very cosmos, letters as old as the chaos they channeled were strewn across every inch of her exposed flesh. Warnings on her arm. Triumph flooded down her back. Terms of surrender splashed across her collarbone and met at the four cauterized scars on her chest.

Trigon was gone, sealed within her by the sigil of damnation, and the magic now thriving within her was clamoring for violence - delirious to be unleashed, even as embers of the fading hellfire still lit her skin.

And here was the perfect target.

Dove’s senses, human and preternaturally enhanced, all detected Raven’s presence. She sensed the signs of heightened emotion: Raven’s calm mask was strained. She saw the subtle tension in her shoulders, heard her heart pounding a heavier rhythm than it had a moment ago. She felt the slightest shift of blood flow as Raven’s muscles tensed, preparing for battle at her instinct’s call, and she could feel the air strung tight around her as Raven's powers raged within her, the trained instinct to eliminate the threat, warring with the protectress instinct to not hurt her little sister.

And most satisfying of all, her telepath mind tasted Raven’s fear, an absolute delicacy whether the fear was for herself or her lost sister’s soul.

#ddd #rhs stories #rhs personal teen titans #tt headcanons list #(Because this really IS all headcanon; aside from the Mark of Scath we really DON'T know what the fuck it all mEANS) #I don't know how much of those lines about the letters was headcanon power vs. Nexus on both the Raven and the Dove axis... #but gods I'm proud of it WHEREVER the fuck it came from. #I'm also proud that it took me approximately 10 minutes to come up with that many words for ''letters and sentences and words''. #I'm still not sure of the CONNOTATIONS of the word ''epistle'' but I could always slap an ''unholy'' before it if I find out it's unfit. #The punctuation in this chapter is still Under Review (as is demon!Dove's outfit?) but GODS I'm proud of the verbiage! #Doylist: the outfit is to show off the glowing spell words. Obviously. #The energies of it is probably what burned off Raven's clothes. #Watsonian though??? Yeah there's a thing with ''Dove lacks confidence and demon!Dove has too much of it'' but like. #Did I have to SEXUALIZE her to show that? Like. I didn't MEAN it that way; it's supposed to be ''she's proud and doesn't mind showing skin' #but does it come off as fanservice-y or sexualizing or objectifying or equating Showing Skin with Power? #this post brought to you by a zine I just read about One of the LEsser-Flaunted Aspects of my Identity #and it had a really interesting superhero world sort of thing and I forget why it made me think of DDD....? I think I was thinking of likin #the narration style or verbiage choices or something and was like ''I like my own sometimes too. LIKE THE MARKINGS'' #--OH I was thinking about Trigon's design and having stripes sometimes for some reason (like Tony the Tiger) #and that made me think of demon!Raven and then demon!Dove.

[cyborg-franky]

I am kind of dead guys, sorry. But I can finally post these works I've had tied up in a project! @op-xreader-zine

Thatch x M Reader [reader is called 'handsome'] SFW Modern AU WC: 1.500

Thatch nodded to the barmaid as she poured him another drink, sliding it across the bar to him. He gave his thanks along with a bright smile and a wink and the woman rolled her eyes but the smile didn’t leave her face. Thatch was a regular here and they were all used to his charm and flirty ways.

Leaning against the bar, he glanced around the crowd, the darkness of the dance floor, neon lights decorating the walls. Every table was cast into bright colors as the lights chased each other across the floor, towards the stage, and back again. He always came here Friday night, and he loved watching the live band performances, regardless of if the music was to his personal taste or not. 

He just loved the vibrancy of this bar, people having a good time, and letting go after a hard day. Thatch adjusted, taking a swig of his drink, seeing the door open and only just seeing it in the corner of his eye. He didn’t normally pay any mind to new people who swung open the doors but tonight was different.

Tonight Thatch saw him. 

Love at first sight seemed like a stupid concept for someone his age but there was definitely interest at first sight. Thatch watched the stranger walk to the bar, leaning on the bright white glowing surface as he waited for the barmaid.

His eyes trailed over the man in front of him, taking in every feature and how he was dressed. Thatch brushed back a loose strand of hair, adjusted the leather jacket on his shoulders, and sauntered over to him.

“Here for the band?” Thatch asked, striking up a conversation, wearing his award-winning smile, and putting on the charm. 

“Yeah, I’ve been a fan for a while,” you said with a nod, watching Thatch’s expression and admiring the man's face: the crow's feet and laugh lines, the large pompadour, and his nicely put-together outfit.

“Good choice, I like a man with taste!” Thatch beamed and waved over the barmaid. “What are you havin’?” 

You didn’t normally let people try and pick you up in a bar, but he seemed different. The warm bubbly energy exuding from him, the smile on his face, he had a nice vibe about him. And well, he was pretty handsome. 

“Surprise me,” you said, smiling, watching as he quirked an eyebrow, his smile just growing before the barmaid headed towards them.

“I like someone who's up for trying new things!” Thatch chuckled and grabbed the cocktail menu that was on the bar, setting it down flat and glancing over the assortment of bright and wild concoctions, seeing if he could read the sort of person you were. You watched with interest as he paused at a few, seeing his finger dance over the options on the laminated menu.

“Can I get two of this one please?” The handsome man ordered two of the bright red cocktails. The barmaid nodded and went to work creating the drinks.

“I’m Thatch by the way, nice to meet you.” You glanced down at the hand offered to you, grinning as you shook it. His hand was bigger than yours, the handshake firm, like the feel of a good friend you haven't seen in ages. 

You gave your name and couldn’t help the pang of disappointment when he pulled his hand back just in time for the barmaid to set down the drinks. “Well then, cheers to a great night of good music and new friends?” He quirked a brow as he held his drink up.

“Cheers!” You clinked your glass against his before bringing it to your lips, sipping the drink and then nodding, making a happy noise. “This is good, it’s like you know me already,” you said and plucked out the cherry that was bobbing on the surface, munching it with another pleased nod, enjoying the sweetness it brought.

“Well, I still plan on getting to know you even more throughout the night, that is, if you want to?” Thatch was trying to act nonchalant but you could tell he was hoping for some company tonight, and honestly? He was nice, handsome, and your type.

“Sounds good!”

–

The night was going great. Before the band started up you and Thatch enjoyed a few drinks, talking about your lives. You found out he shared an apartment with a friend, that he owned his own restaurant, what he was into and you shared your life with him. He was hanging on to your every word, asking plenty of questions.

It had been too long since you had this sort of banter with someone and you were enjoying your time with Thatch immensely. You bought this round, rum and cokes, as you heard the singer of the band announce they were about to start.

“Let's go then handsome.” Thatch smiled and offered you his arm, which happily you took. Both of you headed to the stage. He was so tall and stocky he didn’t have to try very hard to get near the front. 

The performance was amazing. You felt the loud music rumble in your body, the vibrations running along the floor and up your legs. You sang along with every song and even though Thach didn’t know the words he would still smile at you, seeing how into the show you were. He’d sway with you when the softer songs played and made sure no one bumped into you.

It was nice—more than nice, it was amazing. The band soon finished up their set and you both sat down at a table, another drink in your hands; this time it was a green cocktail with a slice of lime bobbing in it.

“What did you think of the band?” you asked, wanting to know what he thought, interested in his opinion, interested in him.

“Not my normal kind of music but I could see myself listening to them once in a while, yeah. What about you? Didn’t disappoint I hope?” Thatch asked as he leaned forward on folded arms.

“Nothing about tonight has been a disappointment.” You smiled at him, sipping your drink.

You spent ages with him, chatting, joking and just basking in one another's company. You liked Thatch, liked him a lot actually. And as much as you didn’t want the night to end, the bell ringing to signal closing time would have to be when you parted ways.

“Oh shit, the last bus was hours ago,” you groaned as you glanced at the time on your phone. Thatch sighed and played with his beard, running his fingers through it, trying to think what to do.

“This isn’t me trying to be creepy, but where do you live?” 

“Oh like, thirty minutes from here?” You didn’t fancy the walk home this late; even with the street brightly lit, you felt anxiety spike before you heard him laugh. 

“Yeah, me too! Would you like me to walk you home?”

“I— would you mind?” you asked and he shrugged. 

“Not at all. Plus I get to spend more time with a handsome guy, why would I mind?”

You couldn’t tell if it was the cocktails that warmed your cheeks or the words he’d said, either way, you could feel the heat rising. You nodded and followed Thatch out of the bar, the cool summer air hitting your flushed face and making you shiver, rubbing your arms as goosebumps pricked over your skin.

“Want my jacket?” he asked, already shrugging it off before you could decline. As Thatch helped you into it, you couldn’t help but feel safe and warm in the oversized jacket, smelling his cologne. He was a find, wasn’t he?

Once again, he offered you his arm and you took it without hesitation. The sky was dark, dotted with a few bright stars, the ones determined to shine their brightest even with the city streets below lined with lights. You liked Thatch, you liked how deep and pleasing his voice was. The silly comments and jokes that had your face hurting from how much they made you grin.

Trees lined the sidewalk, covered in string lights, bringing a certain magically romantic feeling to the walk with him. You felt like a teenager with how your heart raced and you kept stealing glances at him. 

“So this is your street, sir?” Thatch asked and let you move away. 

“Yeah, it is.” You couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed that the night was ending.

“So, maybe we’ll see each other another time?” he asked, rubbing the back of his head, and you nodded. 

“Yeah, I guess so...”

Then something came over you, something you didn’t normally do but Thatch was different “Unless you want to come in for a coffee? And I mean actual coffee and not you know,” you added, cheeks flushed before he chuckled and put his arm around your shoulder.

“Sounds good.”

A chance meeting had ended up the start of amazing possibilities and you thanked the stars in the sky you’d decided to go out that evening. 

Thatch felt like every wish on a shooting star to find someone perfect had come true.

#thatch #thatch one piece #op thatch #one piece x reader #one piece x you #one piece x yourname #op x reader #one piece reader insert #op x you #thatch x you #thatch x reader #sfw #male reader #though reads more gn #one piece #one piece imagine

[oddmawd]

Hello! I just wanted some clarification as to why earning some income off of fanfiction is this horrible unethical act.

Do fanarts and zines also apply under this copyright infringement and if so, why are those works allowed to make some profits but not fanfiction? To me it seems like a double standard, especially because I seriously doubt anyone making either fanart or fanfic are claiming that the characters and story are their own original works. Blatant plagiarism and profiting from it is one thing but receiving some income because someone really likes a fan work is another.

I understand that in extreme cases, authors can sue, like you mentioned Anne Rice but in most cases, the authors tend to be chill with fanworks? They know it encourages engagement and hell, some of those big scary publishing companies that you seem to be wary of actually scout fan artists and writers to bring on board for their next projects.

And it's not brought up often in these arguments but Anne Rice herself became lenient towards fanfics of her original work in the last couple years before her death, even apologizing for her behavior then.

So while I understand the concern for lawsuits, I just don't see how writers and artists are "late stage capitalist dicks" for earning an income off fanworks that are clearly stated and implied to be the original works of the author and not their own.

typically i'm a "never assume malice where ignorance can serve as an explanation" kinda person, but YEESH, it's hard not to perceive hostility in this one boys, here's why:

1) i never called writers and artists "late stage capitalist dicks," and putting that phrase in quotes to make it seem like i did tells me you're not here for productive communication...that intentional misquote showcases either a blatant attempt at weaponizing intellectual dishonesty OR a lack of reading comprehension on your part, one i doubt i can correct through anonymous tumblr asks

2) "why are fanzines allowed but fanfics are not?" presupposes what you think my position on the matter must be, but i haven't expressed my opinion on fanzines, let alone voiced a double standard in favor of them...this is (once again) a blatant attempt at putting words in my mouth and/or a complete misread, intentional or otherwise, of what i actually stated...and in fact i said in a comment that fanart ALSO exists in a legal gray area, so you didn't do your research very thoroughly if those are the words you're trying to put in my mouth (solid attempt tho, 6/10)

3) i ALSO didn't call anything unethical, as you claimed in your comically hyperbolic opening line...i called selling fanwork illegal. morality and legality are not the same thing, so whether your mistake regarding the differences between legality and morality is the product of ignorance or malice, the fact remains that it's yet another blatant misread of what i said, good job there buddy, you're batting a thousand

i could dig further into the bad-faith rhetoric oozing from that ask (the sheer hyperbole and melodrama of it + the litany of loaded questions are an immediate sign it wasn't sent in good faith), but i think i've made my point LMAOOOOOO...but to sum up, i have very little interest in engaging with you when you're talking in SUCH bad faith and with such an antagonistic tone...you're misrepresenting SO MUCH so blatantly and with such confidence, it gives me zero confidence in your desire to actually learn or explore these very interesting issues...you just wanna argue and twist my words, and i'm not gonna enable that bad behavior by giving you more to twist

but look bruh, i get it: you're feeling insecure and defensive over a comment about being careful about monetizing your fanwork, and you took a post about the concept of capitalism and its impact on the arts so personally you confused comments made about capitalism itself for comments about you as a person...but this hostility is NOT a commensurate reaction to what i said and i'm shocked you think otherwise, and if you want to have this conversation, we can...but only once you learn to argue respectfully

TL;DR: i doubt your ability to engage in good faith so i'm not going to respond earnestly, as it'll be a waste of my time...reread my posts after you've had time to release this defensive energy...engage with what i said, not with what you THINK i said...have a nice night and best of luck to you

#bad-faith arguments give me hives #sorry about the typos #i can't be bothered to edit this and just dictated it through my phone LMAOOOO #also that ask feels like a gish gallop and i have refused to engage with that bit of debate chicanery since 2005 #i have a dayjob and no time for weaponized logical fallacies

[inplodinggofer616]

so maybe you just blew on in here and you are wondering, "what in sam hell is this guy on about with 'transexual cis fella'? what is that?" well, this next part is a bit nsfw (no outright nudity or anything,mind you) so keep reading at one's own peril.

See, I saw a handful of posts here that talk about cis people receiving neo-genitalia, and it brought to attention something that, while I had fantasized on it in the past, never really gave it more thought than that. As I saw more of this, eventually I realized that this was exactly what I was missing. I still felt like I was a man though, and I never saw mention of a name for this, so I turned to my friends. One of them sent me this.

I read this, clarified some things with them, and established that label, as a transexual cis man. I hope that helps you understand, and if it doesn't, buddy, we're in the same boat (kinda).

edit: idky but I think I should clarify that I am not intersex (this was a point we discussed) although I am very supportive of people who are

#trans #cis #fucking around and finding out #boygirl genderfucky nonsense

[bubblesandgutz]

Every Record I Own - Day 770: Lungfish Sound In Time

The first time I heard about Can was reading an interview with Lungfish frontman Daniel Higgs in some zine back in the late '90s or early '00s. I don't remember anything else from the interview, just Higgs saying "the guys in the band have been listening to a lot of this old German group called Can." That was it. I don't know why it stuck in my head; I wasn't even a Lungfish fan at the time. But learning about new music (or old music, for that matter) back then meant reading zines, and I made a mental note to keep an eye out for this Can band.

It would be years before I'd actually hear Can. And strangely enough, I fell for Can before I fell for Lungfish. I don't even think I remembered that Higgs interview until listening to "You Doo Right" off Can's Monster Movie LP while walking around Brooklyn and thinking "damn, this could be a Lungfish song." By that time, I'd already owned Monster Movie for several years and was building up my Lungfish collection, but as is often the case with both bands, sometimes you hear a song a half dozen times before it suddenly comes to life and sinks into your soul. And on that afternoon where I was walking across Greenpoint to my rehearsal space with "You Doo Right" on my headphones, I made the connection between the two bands and remembered when krautrock first popped on my radar.

There are scattered moments across the first few Lungfish records where you could potentially hear some of krautrock's penchant for hypnotic patterns, but it really isn't until Sound In Time where the band really went for cyclical songwriting. Every song on the album adheres to one or two riffs repeated over the span of four or five minutes. As if to reinforce the cyclical vibe, the album begins and ends with the same instrumental passage---"Constellations" and "Constellations Pt. 2." Like Malcom Mooney, Higgs comes across like a man possessed, or perhaps a man in the throes of an acid trip, spitting out feverish cosmic mantras. Drummer Mitchell Feldstein might lack some of the jazz-trained finesse of Jaki Liebezeit, but he adheres to the same principle of finding a solid drum beat and sticking with it for the duration of the song. Similarly, Asa Osbourne borrows little from Can guitarist Michael Karoli other than a general aversion to pentatonic blues riffing, but there is a complete and utter absence of showboating that falls in line with Can's ego-less jams (though the backwards tracked guitars on "Jonah" are reminiscent of Neu!'s "Hallogallo," if we really wanna reinforce the krautrock comparisons). And as far as bassists go, it may be a stretch to peg new Lungfish bassist Sean Meadows as the band's Holger Czukay, but considering that his addition to the band brought them into a more transcendental era of songwriting and Czukay's own behind-the-scenes importance in shaping the classic era of Can, perhaps the parallel is deserved.

Can was all about spontaneity and jamming, whereas Lungfish feels very deliberate and structured. But Can edited their improvisations into something that felt patterned, and Lungfish leaned into structure until it began to feel malleable and alive. Both yielded a kind of otherworldly power tethered to droning melodies, steady rhythms, and idiosyncratic frontmen. With Sound In Time, Lungfish progressed beyond the trappings of the Dischord brand of post-hardcore into a sound that was distinctly their own. And like Can, they became one of those nearly peerless reference points for a specific sound. Lots of artists try to sound like Can. Lots of artists try to sound like Lungfish. And while you can hear their influence everywhere, ultimately, there is only one Can, and only one Lungfish.

#everyrecordiown #lungfish

[thechaoscryptid]

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

Aaaaa Kacy let me tell you about this post-it I keep on my desk! Incidentally it was a reminder notification from a NOT creative app one day, but it really helped me sit down and dive into the reasons behind why I create vs why I share my creating:

Historically, I've really struggled with sharing my writing because I share to connect with people, and if it feels like I'm not connecting, there's genuine grief in me, which makes me not want to share anything anymore. This goes beyond just like, a full AO3 inbox - it's one thing if I can't get a comment on AO3, but feels like a whole different thing if I can't even get one reaction on Discord, you feel?

So sitting down and meditating on this has really brought me some clarity and peace about the process of writing. I've been able to enjoy the process more as something I'm doing for myself, for the simple joy of creating, rather than the manic energy of "gotta share, gotta connect."

I still struggle with not feeling heard a lot, I'll be real. It hurts to say things publicly and feel like I'm being ignored. But at the end of the day, I've worked very hard on developing relationships that are much more genuine and deep than a broad readership (through zines, beta reading, other fandom servers, etc), and that's helped so much with that frustration.

So that's one impactful lesson I've learned: that I am my target audience, my best alpha reader, and the person I should be writing for.

(you can ask me more questions from this list!)

#asks answered

[popculturelib]

Bamboo Girl (issue #8) is a zine by Sabrina Margarita Sandata (also known as Sabrina Margarita Alcantara-Tan), a queer mestiza Pilipino* writing about her life in 1990s New York City. The zine emphasizes Asian & Asian-American and queer experiences, containing interviews, mythology, articles, letters, and reviews. Frustrated by a lack of representation of Asian women outside of infantilizing and fetishizing magazines, Alcantara-Tan started Bamboo Girl to fill the gap and talk about her own experiences being queer, mixed, and punk. A transcription of the text is below the read more.

*The terms "mestiza" and "Pilipino" are taken from an article Alcantara-Tan wrote for Frontiers: A Journal of Women Studies in 2000 describing "The Herstory of 'Bamboo Girl' Zine." You can find it on @jstor at this link.

The Browne Popular Culture Library (BPCL), founded in 1969, is the most comprehensive archive of its kind in the United States.  Our focus and mission is to acquire and preserve research materials on American Popular Culture (post 1876) for curricular and research use. Visit our website at https://www.bgsu.edu/library/pcl.html.

Magandang Araw!

(That’s “Good Day!” in “You’ll-have-to-create-a-gun-to-conquer-us” Pilipino)

Since the past issue, I’ve been living bone dry, and trying to suck money out of rocks. I don’t want any violins playing in the background or anything, I’m sure things will be changing with the new year! But that’s what prolonged me to get this baby to you.

I thought I’d share that I got hitched. Yes, you stronghold dykes, to a guy. He’s a good person, and it’s an interesting lifestyle to have after being in “obvious” dykeness and queerdom beforehand (just because you get married doesn’t mean that your queerdom evaporates like water or was never there in the first place – I write more about this later, I’ll shut up about it now). The reason I introduce this is because it affects my life (duh), subsequently my writing, and has already changed my “status” within certain lesbian “pro-queer” circles. Let’s just say I’m really learning who my friends are and learning more about my own perceptions of what queer means – like, if you still are after getting married. To me, that’s a redundant question, because if you are to begin with, you still are when goin’ down that runway.

For a change, I actually didn’t mind spending the xmas holidays with my parents. It was the first time that we actually had fun while opening presents – before, it felt so superficial, such a “let’s pretend were a happy family although we really hate each other” feeling. Forcing smiles into the camera. When I was younger, I was always jealous of the “All-American family” lifestyle, where your mom is like Mrs. Cleaver, your dad plays ball with you in your backyard.

In contrast, my mom and I hated each other (we still have differences, but it’s better now) and my dad was never home. Now, older and more aware of cultural differences between how my parents brought me up vs. being in a “typical” White American household (whatever that means), I have a better idea of where my parents came from. Not to say I agreed with it, but at least I understand.

Also, for the first time, I pushed myself to interact with others at a xmas party so that people would feel better. My mom had guests over, and everyone was pretty quiet because there was really nothing to do and some of my mom’s friends were dealing with some heavily family problems. So I dragged out karaoke machine out of the basement (practically every Pinoy family had one, yes we do!) and started belting out melodies with my un-warmed-up voice. Then I had people take turns picking stuff to sing. Oh Christ, we were laughing because a good majority of us sucked.

It was funny too, being that this was the first time I was spending time in Pittsburgh as a married girl. I was expecting my mom to say to my counterpart, “go sleep in the spare room,” like she used to whenever I’d visit Pgh. with ex’s. But she didn’t this time. And I was like, “Of yeah. That’s right. I’m married now. She can’t say anything!” I laughed to myself for a while after that.

I also learned a lot about my personality while staying with my parents. I had all our Hi 8 movies, the ones my mom and dad took of my bro, sis and I, transferred to VHS. I forgot I had it done until I saw the title in our drawer and stuck it into the VCR late one night. I had my parents join my dude and I. One thing I found out was how evident peoples’ personalities are so early on in life, and how they’re not so different to how you [page 2] turn out. My baby brother was quiet and had no emotion on his face, except when he freaked out once smiling so much he drooled. In contrast, I was always aware of the camera, my playmates, hyper, active, waving, giving attitude, smiling and running around. Damn, I don’t remember being so happy at that age. Either that, or I was already aware of the “look nice” conditioning my mom was into. It was pretty funny, seeing my mom with her long ironed hair (it’s naturally curly), and my dad with his sideburns and black rimmed glasses, looking like cool Bruce Lee.

As usual, I’ve been sticking my finger into many pies, and having fun doing it…

Performance art and speaking at colleges, which is always fun – I love hanging out with college kids, they’ve got a lot on their minds, are really proactive and ask questions.

Making video shorts. My most recent one where I was taught how to set up camp at a jungle survival training course in the Philippines, led by an Aeta (the indigenous Pilipinos); this was part of my footage taken while on my trip to the Philippines in Subic (before Dick Gordon got ousted.)

GOODIES FOR THE BAMBOO-ETTES AND BAMBOO-INOS THIS ISSUE:

I’m really lucky to be able to have the following peeps contribute such stuff to this issue… ENJOY!

Interviews with:

Musician/artist/creator extraordinaire Joey Ayala! Yes, the one and only!

Bagong Pinay’s webstresses Elke Aspillera and Perla Daly talk about creating the first interactive website that talks about the New Pilipina – OUTSIDE of the context of mail order brides (hold onto your hats!)

Dr. Zieba Shorish-Shamley, Director of Women’s Alliance for Peace and Human Rights in Afghanistan (WAPHA)!

And articles by:

Cookie H. on a personal experience of mental illness; Christine and Amy, 2 Korean adoptees of White families speak frankly about her experiences growing up.

Love and in the struggle,

[Signature of Sabrina Margarita Sandata in cursive, dates 1/99]

Sabrina Margarita Sandata

(Sandata is the Tagalog word for weapon, and commonly refers to bolo-looking knives that are used for regular around the house chores, but are also effective for lopping peoples’ heads off, depending on your inclination)

P.S.>> No Tagalog For the Novice this Issue, but look for it in Bamboo Girl #9! Wahoo!

Good things:

Reel Wild Cinema

Performance Fleece commercials

Kajagoogoo

Kimora Lee of One World

sleep

Scary Things:

80’s music is now “retro” (boy do I feel old!)

[next page – all text in lowercase unless otherwise formatted]

Table of Contempts

Interviews:

9             joey ayala

30           bagong pinay

70           dr. zieba shorish-shamley

14           hetero hell or being a video extra

44           married & queer

19           2 korean adoptees by while families tell their stories: christine & amy

18           the acculturation of asiatic tattoos by non-asians

47           many more silences to be broken by cookie hiponia

42           million youth march angers asian americansby (sic) doualy xaykaothao

8             rally against street beat sweatshops!

26           resource list for puerto rican political prisoners and prisoners of war

24           real-life inspired by jen sun

29           things lola (gramma) taught me

74           pinay beauty gone berserk

46           greedy bisexuals illo by rachel house

13           compilation by & about asian/american women

17           sexeh illo of allison (deep lust) by jane

75           being a “person of color” at rutgers freshman orientation

27           southern justic (sic) prevails: black panther activist returned to solitary confinement

43           anti-homosexual hate crimes letter/gay pride at Pinoy independence day parade d.c.

25           working our world by painting it

6             random illo on period gore by rachel house

50           denny’s update

52           neo-nazi thugs offer their services to pauline hanson

54           fellow asian thoughts

55           something I got at the festival of resistance

67           suggested reads

7             terrorific mythology from the philippines

23           angst column: why asians are all either f.o.b.’s or “pass as white” and other lies

73           stupid stereotype #8

76           martial arts: tools for everyday martial arts / postings by guros on bogus pinoy martial arts teachers

68           bamboo shoots (getting the word out)

56           letters

80           reviews

5             calling all asian brothers & sisters!

#bgsu #bamboo girl #queer #pride month #zines

[abschaumno1]

On fandom, shipping and boundaries

Since I have seen a lot of talk about boundaries and shipping over the last couple days, and because that has led to me doing a lot of thinking on it/ I just wanted to share my few cents on the topic.

For those who haven’t seen me talk about this before I should probably mention that I’ve been in fandom for over ten years and in RPF spaces for six years now. So that’s the background that informs my opinions.

So let’s get into this.

Most of the arguments I see center around the opinion that we as fans need consent from content creators to essentially do anything in fandom. Which is right where it starts for me to be honest.

Fandom is and has always been a subculture where fans of a thing meet and exchange their ideas and create art and fic and all sorts of other transformative works for each other. Emphasis on “for each other”.

As a fan I am in fandom spaces to talk to other people who like the same things I do, and I am in fandom spaces to share with other fans what I create based on the things we like (fanfic in my personal case).

Over the past ten years I have watched the increasing shift towards where fandom is more out in the open, and where fans apparently feel like they can and should approach creators with the things they used to share in fandom circles. Obviously some creators have made it clear that they don’t have a problem with that, have actively encouraged it, or admitted to seeking it out to some extend. I think the most famous example for this is probably Bryan Fuller and his enthusiasm about Hannibal fandom in general and Hannigram fanworks in particular, or Mads Mikkelsen, who to my knowledge has publicly admitted to reading (and liking) explicit Hannigram fic. They made that decision for themselves and I think that’s great for them.

Now here’s also the heart of the issue for me. Because I am a very strong believer in the fourth wall, meaning that there is fandom and then there is the spaces where we get to interact with the creators (cons, more recently social media accounts), and yes, sometimes those things intersect, but that does not mean the fourth wall is and should be disregarded.

Shipping especially (since that’s the reason I am writing this post) is a subset of fandom. Not everyone in fandom ships; not everyone in fandom wants to ship. And that’s completely fine. We’re all here to have fun and we all look for different things from what we do in fandom. But at no point does that entitle any of us to demand others to cater to what we personally want from fandom. And at no point does any of this mean we should feel like we have to ask for permission to do the things we do.

Fandom is not just transformative, it is transgressive. Modern fandom, especially modern slash fandom got popularised by women writing queer content about Star Trek in the 1970s (the first published slash story was published in a zine in 1974). And yes, there are cases where I would argue for being publicly transgressive, but I do not think that this should apply to fandom, and being transgressive means that I can and will do things without regard to what any creator wants me to do.

And this is where we go back to the fourth wall and the question of boundaries. I have seen a trend in Hermitcraft fandom specifically where people approach content creators to ask them what their boundaries are and compile lists of who is fine with what. And that in itself crosses a boundary for me.

See one of the most important things I learned in fandom in general, and in Hockey RPF specifically is that the fourth wall is one of the most important boundaries we have in fandom. Shipping is for us. Not for the creators or the professionals involved. And I will be honest with you, none of the shippers I know in Hermitcraft fandom actively share their shippy stuff with creators. In fact, a lot of them feel uncomfortable at the mere suggestion that any of the Hermits could read or see their shipping content.

Asking the Hermits (and other content creators) what they think about shipping and whether they are okay with it is crossing that boundary, and in my personal opinion it shows a disregard for the content creators these “fans” presumably care about. If you actually want to respect them, just keep that stuff away from them. They are adults, if they happen to find it they can decide to ignore it. And if they decide not to ignore it then that is their own decision. A decision they can make for themselves, because once again, they are adults.

But people will use even ambiguous statements or non-statements and twist them to mean what they think they should mean and then go and harass people who kept this content to their own circles and sharing it with others who want to see it and try to tell them what they can and cannot do. They will tell you “I don’t speak for them” and then tell you that the only way to read a statement is their way. The moment you take an ambiguous statement or a statement that has never been made and say "this means that" without letting the person in question clarify, you are attempting to speak for them. And no, this does not mean I want people to ask the Hermits for clarification. I want people to not bring this up with the Hermits at all

And I have seen the concept of consent being brought up in this context and I am just going to say it: The concept of consent does not apply here.

The concept of consent as used by anti-shippers and yes, also shippers insistent on respecting these boundaries, whether they are correctly interpreted or not, is the concept of consent we apply to s*xual encounters. And that concept does not apply here. At all.

Consent as applied to s*xual encounters is a legal tool used to determine whether an encounter was unconsensual and thus breaking the law, or not.

I have seen an analogy being thrown around where creating shipping content without being told by the person you create it about that they are okay with it is the same as walking up to a stranger and holding their hand without asking if they are okay with it.

This analogy is false.

A more fitting analogy would be this: You see a stranger and you would like to hold their hand. You walk up to them to ask if you can, potentially making them feel uncomfortable. This is what people asking Hermits about whether they are okay with shipping are doing.

Or you could quietly draw art of yourself holding the stranger's hands or write about it, and not show it to them, meaning they will never know, which has literally no effect on them whatsoever. This is what shippers are already doing.

We all have fantasies. It's human to have fantasies. There is nothing wrong with that. The moment this becomes an issue is when we ignore the boundaries of the objects of our fantasies and tell them about them unsolicited.

Another thing I want to make abundantly clear here is the following: The Hermits are not your friends.

They may be accessible online and they may even talk to fans online, but they are not our friends. We know as much as they are willing to share publicly. Nothing more and nothing less. What we know about and of them is a public persona. And yes, that persona may or may not include aspects of their real personalities, but at the end of the day they are effectively strangers.

Accessibility online does not mean we are entitled to cross boundaries we would not cross in real life either. And someone talking to you about something unrelated does not make you entitled to ask them frankly invasive questions about things they might not have encountered or put much thought into without you asking those questions.

Furthermore, I would like us all to remember what happened when ZombieCleo came out and told anti-shippers that they should stop harassing shippers. This fandom has a history and considering that history, I am not surprised when Hermits give ambiguous statements or try to avoid saying anything, even ignoring for a moment that it's invasive. If I had witnessed people bully my friend and that same community is now asking me to state my opinion on the same issue I would think twice about how to reply. Especially if I rely on that same community for part of my income.

This is a lot of text already and I could probably find more to say but I'll wrap it up here. If you have any concerns or want to discuss points further my ask box is open. Just don't be an asshole.

#hermitcraft #discourse #scummy post

[netherworldpost]

A love letter to Evan Dorkin's comic essays, sketches, and rambles on Patreon, which can be found here, and has various tiers starting at $1.

I don't know how long I've subscribed, maybe a year? Frankly not long enough.

I grew up reading comics, almost exclusively Marvel, because that was what the grocery store and convenience store that my family shopped at had. In high school and college, I branched out into webcomics, where most of my reading remains to this day.

A co-worker at one of the worst jobs I had consumed Milk & Cheese comics while I brought over JTHM, Squee and Lenore. I remember crashing at his questionably-clean apartment, avoiding his even more questionable roommates, and eating surprise dinners his landlord's wife cooked because "we looked hungry" (which we absolutely were, constantly, as the little cash we had was spent on comics and video rentals).

Evan Dorkin writes lengthly, incredibly entertaining posts about comics from this time to the current, with sketches and finished work, process notes and just top-of-mind, gossip, genius-level fun rambles.

I half-remember a portion of the names he references. I can't place most.

My focus has shifted from comics over the years, but Evan's voice makes all that irrelevant.

Reading his work makes you feel like you're getting a backstage pass to the underbelly of an industry you love.

He posts very frequently. I regularly schedule a work-shift off and catch up, project code "research," I pour a mocktail and dig in. Evan Dorkin's patreon is one of my favorite newspapers.

I wish Patreon had a "format for zine" option. It would not be worth it for Evan to spend the hours doing this -- he creates a LOT of stuff, as a customer, I want him to keep creating stuff --

It would be nice if Patreon's programmers found the fluently ignored CSS media="print" (this is an essay for another time) because that would handle it automatically.

If you have a buck or a few bucks a month, I highly recommend checking it out.

Evan Dorkin's patreon

#comic #comics #90s comics #evan dorkin #milk & cheese

[bonvoyagenoona]

yuugehn said 10

if you’re comfortable with sharing, i’d like to know more about your journey~ were you a writer throughout high school? & then come college, decided it was time to put your head down & focus on the super-serious adult-y stuff like school & work?

actually…how did writing become your first love? you mentioned being closed off from your own emotions…did your love for writing start with a journal? what inspired you to start writing fanfiction? & what gave you the courage to start sharing it? i have so many questions lol. but again, only if you’re comfortable sharing.

Hi, friend! I’ve been thinking a lot about writing lately and am always excited to share! 

You absolutely hit the nail on the head. I read and wrote a LOT growing up. Yes, journaled a ton. Watched a ton of TV and movies as well. I started writing fanfiction pretty early because I always wanted to extend stories past the page. Writing also became a communal thing; I swapped Backstreet Boys and Harry Potter fanfiction with friends! From there, I organically looked up how to write newsletters and scripts and zines and all sorts of different kinds of works. 

I don’t think posting is scary, maybe because I’ve always wanted to share stuff on a large scale. I wanted to go to film school for college, but my parents wouldn’t allow it. I ended up in psychology, which I’m super thankful and wouldn’t trade for anything. I found other ways to scratch the writing itch, like always choosing to do videos for presentations, and writing scripts for my friends to act out. But to build my career, I had to focus on grad school and work. I ended up compartmentalizing in order to have that focus. Now, I’m luckily in a spot where I can devote a little more time to hobbies, and getting into BTS was such an immersive process that I felt inspired all over again!

i think your bts story is just so wonderful – i’m truly grateful to them not only for saving me from my grief last year (in fact, i sent them a thank you card…where it actually ended up, i’ll never know), but also for waking you up(!) & motivating you to get back in touch with you. otherwise, we wouldn’t get to experience your talent as a writer, & that would’ve been lamentable.

You are way, way, wayyyy too kind! I’m so glad that BTS was able to bring us both energy and comfort in ways that we needed it. And that they continue to do so, through entertaining and inspiring us. I’d like to believe that they received your thank you card and treasure it deeply, maybe even reflecting on your message and similar ones from ARMY when times get tough for them, too. In fact, I’ve decided that’s what happened, and no one can say otherwise. 💜

“so much to ponder.” well if this isn’t me in a nutshell haha. i came across a video today of emma watson sharing her thoughts in an interview about why we make turning 30 such a big deal – she said that there is a lot of pressure to achieve major “milestones” by 30 (have a stable career, get married, buy a home, have a kid, you get it).

I SAW THAT EMMA WATSON VIDEO RECENTLY AS WELL! It was on ig, yes? And I so relate! It’s been so hard to talk to friends about this, mostly because they’ve stayed on that track to certain milestones. I was telling Roomie / @mochilatae today that I just don’t see those milestones in front of me, and even though I don’t want those milestones, it has still been a bit of an un-learning / mourning process to let those expectations go. 

& i think we do go through that phase where it’s like oh shit, oh shit, i gotta get my shit together. maybe we focus so hard on future security that we forget about what makes us happy in the present? until something wakes us, whether it’s loss or bts or alone time in a pandemic, a combination of these things or something else entirely…like hello, you don’t live in the future, you live in the now & now is really all you have…

You’re so right about this! Living in the present and coming out of the other side of the un-learning has brought so much joy. Those tricky expectations. Helpful when setting goals, but life isn’t always about setting goals. It’s about living.

so much to ponder over this one life we’re given. when i die, my ultimate, fervent wish is to know the truth of everything. like the ravenclaw i am.

OK, yep, we’re buds. Also a Ravenclaw. And now, I picture us having these conversations in the common room! I feel you on this. If your fervent wish is to know the truth, my fervent wish is to get to experience a little bit of everything, and to share my thoughts about them. Cool to connect with someone over that kind of hunger!

i’m not sure what time zone you’re in but i’m on pt & it’s 10:49pm here & i hope you had a lovely day full of lovely ponderings~ p.s. i have a 2.5” thicc book called “the secret language of birthdays” & it has a profile for every. single. birth. day…it’s just great. xd

I have had a busy week, but today has been a wonderful day of pondering, with a perfect nightcap of reading your lovely messages. I’m in US central time, and it’s 12:41 AM, and I’m very glad to imagine you on the west coast nearly hitting the same time as when you sent this message, hopefully unwinding for a perfect Saturday night. Sending you smiles and wishes for wonderful dreams!

#yuugehn said #asks #your asks #yuugehn #ah friend this was such a good one #i feel like we relate on a lot of things and it just felt good to get to chat with someone about it!

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Audrey Roget

Audrey Roget has 10 fics at Gossamer, with some different ones at AO3, fanfiction.net, and her website. You might know her from her very good fics or as part of Musea, a collective that all wrote fic and posted X-Files fic recs. I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Three Times Dana Scully Didn’t Go to San Diego for Christmas and The Shirt. Big thanks to Audrey for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)? A little, yes. Not so much by folks who were around in those days. I sometimes go hunting for beloved stories from the early years, both those I read and loved, and those I never got around to. I am always delighted to hear that later generations of fans have stumbled across my stuff, especially since I haven’t posted anything new in a number of years. It’s fantastic that both years-long fans and new ones are out there continuing to rec fic from all eras, and to maintain archives for fans yet-to-be born. What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it? What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general? It may sound corny, but the main thing I think of, and the thing that has ultimately been most valuable and lasting, has been the friendships. The feeling of having found a tribe – not just of TXF fans, but of other people who could be as enthusiastically engaged as I was (if not more so) with fictional stories and characters – was mind-blowing. Since I was a kid, I had often mulled over the books/movies/TV I loved and speculated internally about what happened off the page or off-screen, or created new stories for characters in my head. But, except for an elementary school phase where I and my two BFFs regularly played Charlie’s Angels, I hadn’t engaged in that kind of gleeful immersion in a fictional world with others until TXF fandom. My involvement in fandom followed pretty quickly from getting hooked on the show, so for me, it’s all one big ball of experiences. Even as my interest in/involvement in fandom has waxed and waned over the years, I’ve been lucky to remain friends with wonderful people who I originally connected with as fellow fans.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)? What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

My initial entrée to the fandom was through fanfiction. I didn’t get interested in the show until mid-season 5. Around the same time, I read an article in a zine called Might (co-founded by Dave Eggers) about this thing called fanfiction that people would write and publish online. At first I thought it was satire or a joke – the fic cited involved Wilma Flintstone and a polished sabre tooth, as I recall – but then realized this was an actual thing. So I figured that a show then at the peak of pop culture must have fanfiction, and I went looking. Early on, I scrolled atxc on a daily basis and downloaded stories. But I didn’t engage in discussions about the show on Usenet, since I only knew how to access it with my Earthlink email client, and I didn’t want to post using my real name.

Later, I set up a pseud address with Yahoo and subscribed to a couple of email fanfic/discussion lists, and stayed subscribed to those for years. There was also a period in there somewhere – of maybe only a year or so, when I think about it – when I’d often nerd out into the wee hours with other fans via IM chat groups. That was around the time the small writers’ collective Musea was founded, and we were active for several years after the show’s initial run. In the early aughts, I followed many authors to LiveJournal and eventually set up my own account and stayed involved in fandom that way, until it mostly dispersed as well. What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show? In a word: Chemistry. I had casually watched a couple of episodes during the first four seasons, but I’m not a huge sci-fi/horror fan at heart, and the story lines didn’t immediately grab me. But I happened to tune into The Red and the Black in 1998, and BOOM. For the first time, the intense layers of emotion and attraction between Mulder and Scully really struck me – and then of course, upon further viewing, I realized it was unmissable, an essential element in the fabric of the show. As a wise woman once said, a switch had been flicked. Mulder and Scully’s magnetism was like nothing I’d ever seen, and though I eventually came to appreciate the storytelling, humor, production values, and other components that made the series so successful, watching those characters interact has always been what kept me coming back. Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files? I was part of a list-serv discussion group for The West Wing for a while, which was a fun melding of character and plot analysis with political discussion. Later, I got into the House, MD fandom, again mostly as a fanfic reader/writer. I was finding that other fandoms, unlike TXF, were more dispersed, the networks of people structured more loosely, if at all. There were fanfic and discussion communities on LiveJournal, and fanfiction.net was the other main hub for posting and reading, but if there was anything centralized like Gossamer, Ephemeral, or the Haven, I never found it. Within all those fan communities, as in TXF, there were partisans for various characters and pairings, and flame wars erupted over plot developments that outraged this faction or that. One main difference was that those other shows had larger, ensemble casts and more varied subplots. So on one hand, there was more opportunity to explore back stories and multiple perspectives. In House MD in particular, there were several entrenched rival shipper camps, which were about equally grounded in canon, rather than TXF’s central ship. I was less into TWW fic, but my impression was that readers were less militant about their pairing preferences than TXF or House fans. Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I was deeply fascinated by Greg House for several years. (And the love-hate chemistry between him and Lisa Cuddy was a strong draw for me.) House MD came early in a wave of TV shows centered on anti-heroes, and Hugh Laurie brought amazing complexity and thoughtfulness to the character.

Philip and Elizabeth Jennings (The Americans) are a lethal pair of antiheroes. The inherent moral conflict of a sympathetic narrative from their POVs, and the global political conflict they embody was TV catnip for me. The internal struggles at the hearts of those characters were so exquisitely written and performed, they completely fascinate me.

The West Wing felt so much like a show created specifically for me. I’m especially fond of story arcs and scenes that centered on CJ Cregg, Charlie Young, and Josh Lyman. Though I loved Martin Sheen’s human portrayal of Jed Bartlet, the fact that he was the President always made him a little untouchable in my mind. But CJ, Charlie, and Josh were basically hard-working functionaries who were ambitious and idealistic and funny and flawed, and they spoke to me. What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I do continue to think about Mulder and Scully and watch episodes somewhat often. I’ll sometimes run a favorite episode as background when I want something comforting on. I read TXF fic pretty regularly, which can inspire me to go back and watch a particular episode or story arc I haven’t thought about in years. Just recently, I started listening to The X-Files Diaries podcast (@XFDPodcast, @admiralty-xfd), and that’s a fun dive into the characters, and how other fans react to and interpret episodes.

Every once in a while, a TV show or movie – and more particularly, the characters – will grab my attention and make me curious about how fanfic writers have interpreted the original material. Random example, I saw Singin’ in the Rain for the first time in a theatre a couple of years ago, and the chemistry of the three leads sent me to AO3 as soon as I got home. I also loved the first season of Mercy Street and found some well-done stories in that fandom. I usually peruse the Yuletide gifts every year and have been amazed by the sheer variety, creativity and cheekiness of the output. There are a bunch of other shows I’ve followed faithfully, and sought out fanfic – Broadchurch, The Killing, Agents of SHIELD, Elementary, The Good Wife. Although I’ve found some well-written stuff in those fandoms, I’ve rarely gotten the same charge from them as reading TXF fic. Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

syntax6 (@syntax6) – Universal Invariants/Laws of Motion. I’d also shout out to syn’s Hunter fics, too – well worth reading even for those who have never seen or particularly loved the show itself.

JET – I re-read Small Lives Awake every year around Thanksgiving time. Other annual holiday re-reads: Revely’s The Dreaming Sea and Jordan’s Through the Fire (both set at Halloween).

Amal Nahurriyeh’s Casey universe – the rare post-col fic that felt hopeful, made extra intriguing by a kick-ass original character. [Lilydale note: the series starts with Machines of Freedom and has lots of additional fics and snippets.]

Prufrock’s Love – Finding Rokovoko was genuinely terrifying and tender.

melforbes (@melforbes) – Seaglass Blue is a recent favorite, lyrical and bittersweet.

These are just a few (apologies to those that didn’t come to mind immediately). Fortunately for readers, there’s an astonishing number of authors who have written in TXF fandom whom you can depend on for a good yarn, insightful character study, and/or ingenious “fixes” where 1013 went awry.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Probably the two set in my own (former) backyard of Southern California: Enivrez-vous and Ravenous. I’d first read the Baudelaire poem that was the source of the former’s title back in university days, so I was tickled to be able to use a few lines as an epigraph. Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online? It’s not out of the realm possibility. I’d meant for “Three Times Dana Scully Didn’t Go to San Diego for Christmas” to be followed up with “And One Time She Did.” In fact, the idea for that never-finished story was what inspired “Three Times” in the first place. I have a couple of scenes sketched out and – unusually for me – even know exactly how to end it. Every year, November rolls around, and I think I should finish and post it…maybe in 2021?

Where do you get ideas for stories? Sometimes it’s from my environment. “Enivrez-vous” and “Ravenous” describe places that I’m fond of, that made me want to place Mulder and Scully there. “What Not to Wear” has that element too – I set it in Memphis as a tribute to a great trip there with a sister Musean. But WNTW was also inspired by a kink challenge in a years-ago LiveJournal thread, so sometimes ideas come from fandom discussions or even other fanfics. In the House MD fandom, a fic by another writer made me want to continue the story, and the author kindly allowed an authorized sequel. What's the story behind your pen name? I wanted my pseudonym to sound like it could be a real person’s name – or at least, maybe like a romance writer’s pen name – rather than an online handle. I also wanted to use a slightly obscure fictional character, to amuse anyone in the know. I had long had a bit of an obsession with Whit Stillman’s 1990s film trilogy, which started with Metropolitan; the 3rd installment, Last Days of Disco, came out the same year I started down the TXF rabbit hole: 1998. The central heroine of Metropolitan – who is mentioned in or makes a cameo in the other two – is Audrey Rouget, a lover of Austen and, eventually, a book editor. I altered the spelling of the last name as a nod to every writer’s companion, Roget’s Thesaurus. Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions? I have a few close friends – from outside TXF fandom – who know that I’ve written fanfic. I don’t know if they know my pseud; if they do, or if they’ve ready any of the fic, they haven’t said so to me. They are fannish sorts themselves, but not really TXF fans. A smattering of other friends and family members know or could intuit that I’ve been a fangrl on some level for years. My boss, whom I’ve known for about 3 years, recently mentioned off-handedly that she was really obsessed with TXF “back in the day,” and I am DYING to know if she got involved in fandom, but don’t think I’ll ever work up the courage to ask.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now? Most of the X-Files stuff continues to be generously and steadfastly archived by Forte at The Basement Office. The House MD stories and some TXF things are at fanfiction.net; same for AO3. If ever post anything new, it will probably go to TBO and AO3. I really ought to get it all together in one place, one of these days…

(Posted by Lilydale on April 6, 2021)

#old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #audrey roget

[phoenix-downer]

Spring Birthday

After Sora’s return, Naminé’s friends celebrate her birthday with her. While her early days were lonely, her life is very different now, and she treasures each new memory with the people dear to her heart.

~1650 words. Post-Kingdom Hearts III and Melody of Memory. Gen, Friendship, Fluff. Naminé POV. Written for @naminezine​, and the banner art is by the lovely @somniumars​.

“Naminé, when is your birthday?” Kairi asked over breakfast one day, scones with jam and clotted cream, served with a hot cup of tea for both of them. They liked to visit this cafe together at least once a month. It had outdoor seating, and the weather was finally warm enough again for them to sit outside with light jackets. 

Naminé stopped buttering her scone for a moment and frowned. It was a simple enough question, and yet she found herself unsure of what to say. 

“Well, I suppose it was the day Sora released his heart to save you,” she said at last. “But as glad as I am to be alive, it feels strange to celebrate that day, considering what happened.” 

“I understand,” Kairi said softly. “Are there any other days you can think of?”

Naminé paused once more and thought as Kairi sipped some more of her tea. The only other day she could really think of was… 

“The day of my rebirth. It was spring on Radiant Garden. The sun was shining, the flowers were blooming, and the weather was perfect.” She sighed happily at the memory. “I’ll never forget what it felt like to walk outside for the first time in a body of my own.”

“Then why don’t we make that your birthday? I know we technically missed it last year, when we were all searching for Sora, but it’s coming up here soon.” 

“Sure, that sounds nice.” Naminé put one more cube of sugar in her tea to get it to just the right sweetness, then added a little more cream and stirred. “I’ve never really thought about having a birthday of my own before.”

“Well, you deserve to have one,” Kairi said with a determined glint in her eye. “You’re your own person. Always have been, always will be.”

The two girls chatted some more as they finished their breakfast, and the subject soon slipped away from Naminé’s mind. It wasn’t until she and Xion were gathering shells together on Destiny Islands a few days later when the topic of birthdays came up again.

“See,” Xion said as she picked up a thalassa shell, “I like these ones the most, with the pink centers and yellow edges.” 

“I like them too. Yellow’s one of my favorite colors.”

Yellow was the color of the sun. A hopeful color for a girl that had begun her life in a cage, longing to see the outdoors for herself. For that reason alone it was precious to her. 

“You like blue too, right?” Xion said. She placed another thalassa shell in Naminé’s palm, this one with a blue center and yellow edges.

Naminé nodded. “Yes. Blue is the color of the sky… of the waves… all the things I longed to see when I was imprisoned in Castle Oblivion.” 

“It suits you, and so does yellow,” Xion said with a smile. “Born from the waves, and reborn during the spring.” 

“Xion, when is your birthday?” Naminé suddenly asked. She realized she hadn’t really gotten to celebrate it with her before. 

“Oh, my birthday? I figured it should be during the fall. I don’t know why, but I’ve always been drawn to falling leaves, the seasons changing, that kind of thing.” She smiled ruefully. “I suppose because I felt like my time was limited, just like those leaves. Kairi actually asked me about it recently, I think because she wants to—”  

Her eyes went wide, then she coughed and craned her neck. “Look, I see some more shells over there!”

Naminé found Xion’s startled reaction rather curious, but she didn’t press her friend. It was just nice to spend time together sharing a hobby they both enjoyed. For a girl who had started life with no friends of her own, Naminé was lucky to have so many now. 

The next time she met with her friends, it was for a picnic on Rapunzel’s world, in a clearing in the woods near a small pool. The weather was perfect, sunny with a breeze blowing dandelions and flower petals through the air, and she and Sora and Rapunzel were all cloud gazing after a delicious lunch of sandwiches and cookies and lemonade. 

“See that one right there?” Rapunzel said, pointing up at the sky. “It looks like Maximus.” 

“It sure does!” Sora put his hand behind his neck and grinned. “The sky’s full of all sorts of interesting clouds today.” 

“I wish I had my sketchbook with me,” Naminé said with a sigh. “I’d love to draw all of them.” 

“Take a picture with your Gummiphone then,” Sora suggested. “You can always draw it later based off of that.” 

“I’d like to, but I’ve run out of room in my sketchbook. I could really use some new pencils, too.”

Sora and Rapunzel exchanged glances, and Sora grinned.

“Naminé, you should come to the castle,” Rapunzel said. “I’d love to show you some of my art supplies. Have you ever tried painting before?”

Naminé shook her head. “No, I haven’t, but I’d love to. Thank you for the invitation.”

“What are we waiting for? Let’s go now!” Sora sat up and sprang to his feet. 

The three of them spent the rest of the afternoon trying out Rapunzel’s art supplies. Well, more like Rapunzel showed Naminé her things and let her try them out while Sora kept typing away at his Gummiphone. Naminé giggled at how he still typed with one finger, like a bird pecking at grains of rice. 

“There we go,” he said all of a sudden, then put his phone in his pocket. “What’d I miss?”

Naminé and Rapunzel both giggled and showed him what they’d made: a painting to hang on the walls of Naminé’s room in Twilight Town. It was of the beautiful woods where they’d had the picnic with dandelions flower petals floating through the air. As soon as she got home, she put it up and gave it a satisfied nod.

The days flew by until at last it was the anniversary of her rebirth. There was a knock on the door late in the afternoon, and when she went to get it, she was surprised to see Riku and Roxas waiting there for her.

“Hey Naminé,” Roxas greeted with a grin. His eyes were playful, like he had a big secret he couldn’t wait to share.

“Come with us, there’s something we’d like to show you,” Riku added, and she ducked back inside to grab a few things before following them through the woods and to the Old Mansion. 

“Why are we here?” she asked. 

“You’ll see,” was all Roxas and Riku said, and she followed them inside. She was shocked by how nice the entrance looked, like someone had been in here and cleaned things up—

“Surprise!”

She gasped as she entered the foyer. A huge banner hanging from the stairs read Happy Birthday Naminé, and all her friends were gathered around a large table in the center of the room. The evening light shone through the window behind them, pink and purple and blue, another gorgeous twilight on this world she called home now. 

“Happy Birthday Naminé!” her friends all cheered, and she couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. So this was what they had been plotting and planning all this time. Roxas grinned and grabbed a camera to take a few shots, and Sora and Riku had some of those confetti poppers that they popped with loud crackling noises.  

The seashell decorations were yellow and the star candles were blue on the cake Xion held. Axel lit the candles, and they cast flickering lights and shadows over everyone’s faces.

Kairi leaned close and murmured, “Make a wish, but keep it secret.”

“A secret?” Naminé asked, tilting her head.

“It won’t come true if you tell us,” Ven explained, and Terra nodded. 

As Naminé looked at the faces of her friends, what she should wish for became clear. She knew, deep in her heart, what she wanted more than anything.

With that, she blew out the candles, and everyone cheered loudly. Aqua swept the cake out of Xion’s hands so she could cut it properly, and then everyone sat around the table. The cake was delicious, vanilla and lemon, and after everyone was done eating, it was time for Naminé to open her presents. 

“Here!” Sora said, his eyes shining as he handed her the first one. “It’s from all of us.”

Naminé’s hands shook as she removed the wrapping paper. She wasn’t used to getting gifts, and it took her some time to free the box. But once she did, she couldn’t have stopped the smile on her face even if she’d wanted to.

“They’re like the paints Rapunzel has! And in all the colors I like too.” She hugged the box to her chest. “Oh, thank you so much everyone, I can’t wait to use these.” 

When she was finished unwrapping the rest of her presents, more art supplies and nice jewelry and cute clothes, she thanked her friends for making this such a wonderful birthday night. But there was one last thing that would make it truly perfect.

“If you wouldn’t mind,” Naminé said, “let’s make a painting together. So we have something to help us remember tonight.”

Naminé loved drawing on her own, but drawing with her friends was truly wonderful. Everyone brought their own unique spark to the table. And when the painting was finished, it was one huge flowing mosaic of color and life and creativity. Sure, it wasn’t a masterpiece, but it was something truly unique that only they could have made. And that was why it was a work of art. Not because it was perfect or technically skilled, but because it had their hearts poured into it.

Naminé couldn’t have asked for a better way to commemorate her birthday.  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Thank you so much to the mods for making this project possible and for being so caring and supportive! And thank you to the other contributors, this zine was such a joy and I enjoyed talking to you all. A big thank you too to Somnium for drawing the banner! I really enjoyed working with you!

And thank you for reading!

#kingdom hearts #namine #naminé #naminezine #namine zine #kh fanfiction #phoenix writes #phoenix downer #gen #friendship #fluff #birthday #happy birthday namine #long post

[arcadialedger]

How Catra and Zuko have been saving me lately: A (sort of) meta

A very long, personal post under the cut. This is really important to me, and I could really use some support, so if you could take the time to read and reblog that would be greatly appreciated. I just want to reach out.

Once again, please PLEASE read. I really need help.

Recently, I’ve found myself desperately latching onto the characters of Zuko and Catra, as many have in the past. To put it simply, I’m in one of the most difficult times of my life right now.

I’m transferring colleges because I was doxed by an online hate mob (long story) , and in general because I just didn’t belong at my old school. I went to three different high schools, moved around a whole bunch, and I don’t really belong anywhere. All of my friends are far away, my parents are busy working and I’m alone.

I just feel like I’m wandering aimlessly in darkness, unloved and unsure where to go. I’m faced with making a huge decision about my future with this transfer, and I’m terrified. Terrified I won’t make the right choice, and terrified it won’t be the newfound happiness I so desperately need it to be. But most of all, I’m terrified of being unwanted and alone again, wherever I go.

I’m used to not being wanted. I’m 4’10, not thin, and have been tossed aside because of my appearance my entire life. I’m 20 years old and haven’t been kissed (how pathetic is that). I moved schools and stayed in my room depressed because I never got to lay down roots and establish a foundation. Hell, I never even got to live as a teenager. I’m just behind and broken.

I was hoping Tumblr would be my place, where I could write and analyze and showcase my talents. Be wanted for once. For a while, it looked like it might be. Then a friend blocked me and made a callout post, due to me having a different opinion on a sensitive matter, and a domino effect began. I lost more friends and half of the fandom we’re both in blocked me seemingly at their word. I had featured this friend on an episode of my podcast at, had many fond memories chatting with them, and even bought a zine to support them. The loss hurt, and I was cut off from one of the few things I had. It was all taken away from me. My growth halted as I dealt with months of online abuse: including death threats, suicide baiting (these people knowing I’ve struggled with being suicidal), aphobic slurs (knowing I’m ace), mocking and editing images of my face. My Twitter was hacked, I lost podcast deals with creatives who my friends who blocked me and started all of this went on to interview because of said hacking, and I was threatened to be doxed. I suffered blow after blow while the people who hurt me grew and were rewarded, allowed a place here, and this continues to this day. The damage remains. I have to self reblog a whole bunch to get my content remotely seen in the algorithm.

Because my entire life, it feels I’ve never been allowed a win. I’ve never been allowed to have and keep anything good. I’m short and ugly, talentless with nothing to give to the world, my family has no money so I haven’t gotten to travel or experience a lot of things. I’ve spent my entire life envious of the “hot skinny girls” who’ve been wanted and dating since high school, who live in McMansions and get to go on vacations.

When I work to make good content on Tumblr and build a following talking about what I’m passionate about? It’s taken from me. When I work hard to get into my old college’s honors program and earn a trip to Greece which I could otherwise never afford, a global pandemic comes along and makes sure I don’t get that kind of positive experience in life.

I’m used to it all, being worn down and unwanted and losing. I’ve gone my entire life behind, lesser, and not enough.

And that’s why I’m so scared. I have a big decision to make, I’m at my own crossroads, and I desperately need all of this to come together for me this year. I’ve gone so long without happiness and love. I need this to be the light at the end of the tunnel, newfound happiness. I need to find newfound happiness. All I want is to escape the darkness, find peace of mind and function day to day doing the things I love without being stressed.

So when I see Zuko— so angry at the world for being given the short stick, abused, and never making things easy, and Catra— driven mad by comparison and feeling as though the world takes away everything from her? Gosh, I feel it so hard.

Because that’s just what I do. I get angry at the world for making things so hard for me. I compare. I feel like the world just takes and takes and never gives me a win. And so I’m never happy. I feel their pain and loneliness so deeply, and I’m terrified that I’m the villain because of it. I cry at the anguish and self loathing in their eyes because I have been there. I AM there. 

Like Zuko comparing to Azula, I feel lesser because the world has constantly told me I am so. I feel cheated and given the short end of the stick, as though life has it out for me. I get angry and lash out from my pain.I’m desperate for validation from people who can never give it to me. I’m so scarred from my past, I can’t believe I have a future. 

Like Catra, I’m always left behind. I’m lonely and driven mad by the unfairness of the world. It takes and takes until I’ve lost it all, but it never gives. I’m so afraid of losing anyone and anything else, I refuse to let anyone in. Because why would I deserve love? There’s nobody who wants me, no purpose for me on this world. I’m nothing, just constantly chasing an impossible goal of perfection to justify my existence. 

“You drive them away, wildcat”

Yeah, I know their hurt. I know what it all feels like. To be that broken, that insecure, that left behind and unwanted. The punching bag of fate. These characters suffering is so much of my own.

And that’s why they’re the only thing to give me hope.

Seeing them be where I am now, and where they end up, I allow myself to believe that maybe, just maybe, that can be my future. That I’ll get a happy ending. It gives me the courage to believe that what I’m so desperately striving for can happen. 

Zuko standing up to his father and forging his own path in life, which leads him to a better place as he finds his destiny and happiness after so many years of torment. We both have scars-- if he can overcome his, why can’t I?

Catra, after so many years of struggle, taking agency over her life back from those to abused her, and finally learning to accept the love of those around her. Opening up to pain and rejection and ultimately being forgiven. Catra felt so lonely, unable to see the love around her-- maybe I’ve been doing the same thing. Maybe I’ll find the strength to take my life into my own hands and find my own love.

It’s so empowering, a flicker of light in what feels like eternal darkness. I am so worn out and broken. I’ve never had love, or learned to love myself. In the real world, it is find to find hope.

It is only in these characters, who have felt my pain and found their way to a better place, that I find comfort.

I am one of so many who have been touched by these characters arcs, and they are one of the purest examples of why stories are important. Why the emotions narrative can evoke are important. It is not only escapism, it opens up a door to critical self introspection that can make a real difference in our lives. It holds up a black mirror of our lives, providing an outside view of our deepest, darkest emotions and struggles which can be so hard to understand when they’re inside. 

These characters, and their stories: insecurity, abuse, doubt, comparison, chasing validation, just wanting to find your purpose in life and happiness-- they are the stories of life, stripped down to it’s rawest emotions. 

There is power in redemption. There is power in rising from the bottom. 

As I said in my last post about Catra and Zuko:

“Their stories: being angry at the world, driven mad by comparison and a need for validation, making wrong choices, processing trauma, needing help but being too scared to open up and accept it, feeling as though they don’t deserve love or forgiveness, fighting to restore and maintain valued relationships, convincing themselves they’ve lost it all, feeling conflicted or confused, realizing what they thought they wanted isn’t fulfilling and hasn’t brought happiness, escaping years of mental conditioning which told them they were worthless, not seeing the love they have right before them, constantly fighting uphill for a life which seems to throw everything it can at them… Well, isn’t that just the most human story of all? And so their redemptions give us hope.”

I have been so lost and lonely for so long, and now I’m at a crossroads. I’m so scared to believe that this change, this new path, can lead to a better place, but these characters? They give me strength to. They give me faith.

This has been a rambling post of feelings, and I am thankful to anyone who has read this far. I’m just so tired of feeling this way, and needed to reach out and share this. If you are also feeling this way, know you are not alone. You are so very far from alone.

I just really don’t want to feel unwanted and unloved, like I don’t belong, anymore. I want to have a place here. I probably sound desperate because I feel that way. I don’t know how else to cry out for help other than sharing this.

 If anyone wants to message or send asks about this, please feel free to do so. I want, and very much need, to talk. 

#personal #personal post #zuko #long post #catra #meta #avatar: the last airbender #avatar #she ra and the princesses of power #she ra #a:tla #atla #spop #mental health

[armoredsuperheavy]

A Thousand Cakes and Yours Among Them

I’m flattered by recent attention on Tumblr for my bookbinding posts, and I’m glad the practice of binding fic has resonated with folks!

I periodically get questions about being able to buy these books. I thought I’d address that publicly.

The Gift Economy of Fandom

The vast majority of my bookbinding projects (over 90 and counting so far) have been strictly volunteer - that is, I’ve read the fic, or been recommended it by a trusted friend, and chosen to bind it, based on my own arbitrary evaluations.

Binding means two copies. One goes to the author, as a gift. The other I keep in a slowly growing archive. They are not for sale at any price. Nobody is paid for their labor, and I am not running a business. I am spending out of my own pocket for every piece of paper, every tool, all shipping costs. I accept small tips from authors if they wish, but they are under no pressure to send me money, and a tip doesn’t come remotely close to the value of my labor hours. But why should they pay me? They wrote the entire goddamn book for free.

I approach fandom in the old-school way, as a community-focused practice and a “gift economy” - something a lot of newer participants of fan culture are drifting away from as the incentive to monetize fan works grows. The reasons for it are understandable. But I think this shift in fundamental approach is going to cost us a lot, as a subculture and as a community, in the long run. 

Do we really just wanna be customers/consumers and “content producers” in fandom? Fuck that, I want an actual community. I’m not a content producer. I’m a person making connections to other people and slowly growing a modern day online queer found family.

Because I seek community in fandom, and see fanwork as contributions to the “potluck”, I see this as just bringing my dish to the party here. I brought a cake - and it seems popular. If anyone else brought another cake, we’d have MORE of it and nobody would complain. Two cakes, and so forth.

What I’m getting at is, these are not PRODUCTS for you to BUY. These are artifacts of a community and a demonstration of community activism.  In order to GET one, you must get involved. You must either write a brilliant longform fic that I’m into,OR you can become a Guerrilla publisher in your own right!

Commissions

I’m uncomfortable with taking commissions and have only done it I think three times. Every time, I had to be convinced to do it. And I spent every penny of it on supplies and shipping and whatnot.

There are two main reasons I’m not open for commissions:

1 It immediately shifts the calculus of whose work gets printed. People with spending money get to see their chosen work in print. People without, not so much.

2. I’m less able to self-direct which work gets printed. I like the power to choose what to bind. I say what gets printed at my house. No outside money is steering that decision. The decision is not driven by money whatsoever. 

Without the money, I don’t have to give a fuck about the optics of which book I chose. I don’t have to worry about follower count. I print a lot of work that got “canceled”, authors beset by purity police for being “problematic”, etc. If I were trying to run a profitable business, these works are the last ones I’d choose to print. And that’s exactly why I’m printing them here.

OK but I want a Book, Sell Me One

Well, don’t wave money in my face. I’m sorry, that’s not why I’m here. See above.

If you’d like to actually take up bookbinding similar to what I am doing, I can provide you with information to get started. There are no secrets about my process, just trial and error and a shit ton of work. Just drop me a line. 

I realize that not everybody has the resource of time, money, or patience to figure out how to make books like mine from scratch. But that doesn’t mean you’re completely out of options.

Preservation of fic doesn’t have to look like a completely bespoke handmade book with sewn signatures and hand marbled papers.

It also doesn’t have to be a professional-grade 200 page glossy hardcover kickstarted mega-project with 100 contributors.

I’d really like to see the practice of print zines come back. Print your fic in a booklet and sew it up with a piece of thread. Mail it to your fandom friends. Go guerrilla publisher yourself. And if you didn’t write it, don’t forget to give a copy to the author: it’s the only ethical way to make use of their work.

I don’t want to be the only bookbinder to ever touch a fanfic. I want lots of people binding. Two cakes - nay, a thousand cakes, and the feast of cake was legendary and not soon forgotten, and slices of the cake were passed down to our children and grandchildren, and the cake survives even after we are gone. Let’s get baking.

- May 2020.

#bookbinding #fuck the purity police #fandom

[trashboatprince]

It’s the last day of the year, and every year I try to make a little post about the high points and low points that had happened to me over the past twelve months.

Anywhere, here’s that list:

-Got surgery done in March to remove the screw from my foot after it was coming out from the surgery I had in December to fix my fractured-to-broken foot. Just gonna start this list off with that.

-Moved from my apartment where I had lived for the past two years and into a new one in the town where my parents live

-Finally living on my own for the first time in my whole life, excluding those two months I didn’t have roommates in college

-Got a new job!

-Was then laid off with everyone else in the company several months later because the government is pure shit

-Got into The Sandman

-Sadly, we lost one of our dogs this year, and then months later we lost my great-grandma

-My uncle nearly died and is finally, FINALLY recovered well enough to be home after being in the hospital for over four months

-Got a new job, it’s not my favorite I’ve ever done, but it’s letting me catch up on my reading and my writing

-Joined three zines this year! Sadly, I had to drop out of one due to irl stuff, but the other two I am still part of, one of which will be releasing soon (if you haven’t already gotten a digital copy)

-Finished another month of Inkdemonth, even though my depression was kicking in at the time

-Actually, I did a lot more drawing this year than I thought, I’ve nearly filled up a whole sketchbook in just a few months 

-I honestly don’t remember shit from January and February and that worries me a little 

-I saw my sister’s new puppy eat a very, VERY freshly killed deer, meaning that somewhere nearby was a mountain lion and he didn’t seem to give a shit that he was eating someone else’s meal. Andy is a dangerous baby and we should fear him.

-I turned 29

-Got the Good Omens audio book and I am considering that a highlight of the year because it brought me a lot of joy

-Same with my GO pop figures

-My wonderful girlfriend came up to visit for the holidays, and this is honestly the best thing to happen this year for me. <3

-Beginning to suspect I am making somewhat of a name for myself in the extended universe community by writing DT characters with unhinged MS characters. Or at least being the person who decided to say, fuck it, let’s ship the Tenth Doctor with MS’s one-off character during the Eleventh Doctor’s era. 

This year was a weird blur of things and I have a lot of missing gaps in my memory of things that had happened.

Anyway, hoping for good things next year! Got stuff I’m looking forward to! 

#john's commentary

[jessadilla]

My situation

Hello friends and followers!

I need your help. I will be opening commissions but leaving links to both paypal and ko-fi for anything anyone can spare. 

I understand it is very hard to help right now, it is possibly one of the toughest times some of us have faced. It certainly is for me. I work in retail during a global pandemic like so many others right now. Unfortunately this fact has taken a seriously toll on both my mental and physical health. While I have not (yet) caught covid, my depression and anxiety is at its peak and it is causing undue stress on my body to be in a constant state of panic attacks. 

Stores say they’re prepared for the holidays, but as far as I have witnessed, my store has taken zero extra precautions while also promoting holiday sales, and the store hours have gone back to normal while the store has been crowded every day for the past couple of weeks. Cases are rising, the cold weather will make it easier to spread...and I have an at risk family member at home that I am terrified of giving this thing to. I am at the end of my rope mentally. I am exhausted physically. (I would like to add when I brought up my concerns to my HR rep while he was understanding, he literally lied to my face about the measures and steps my company was taking because no one in our store enforces a Single Measure, so even if it's company wide policy, it's ineffective if it's not being followed literally at all.)

I have opted to take a leave of absence from work to at least cut off my chances temporarily from getting anything right after Thanksgiving, but ideally I’d like to be able to quit my job and find something that doesn’t involve exposing myself to an inconsiderate public and an uncaring corporate workplace.

So, I am asking for donations for the time being. If you can spare anything, I’d be extremely grateful. Donations under $21 will not have a reward in place, but donations $21 can be payments for sketch head shot commissions. 

You can donate through my ko-fi, or through paypal.

Email me directly (jessie.islas at gmail) to give me information on your request (with the name you donated with and “commission” in the subject header). All I require from you will be a visual reference of your character. You can also choose a background color, otherwise I will go with white, or some color that seems to complement your character. Points 1, 5, and 7 of my TOS apply to these commissions. TOS is agreed upon at time of payment. 

If you’re having a problem viewing the TOS link, please let me know in your email and I’ll send you a copy. 

Please keep in mind these are SKETCH commissions. They will not be fully rendered, but painted in a more loose style. You will still receive the full file size once the image is completed. Turn around can be anywhere from 3 days to a week, depending on my current work schedule.  

I cannot currently offer anything more complicated than these because on top of everything else, my computer is reaching its final destination. Part of the money I make/that gets donated would help to upgrade my current laptop so that it runs like new again and extends its life for at least 1-2 more years. If you are interested in a more detailed commission, the best I can do is accept payment and put you on a waitlist for when my computer is in better working condition.

If you cannot afford a commission, any amount helps, truly. Please consider donating to the links above.

If that is also not possible for you, please consider sharing this post. It really means a lot to me. 

My ultimate goal is around $3000. I realize that is a lot of money (at least it is to me?) but it would help me to be financially stable for the next month or so (not much more than that because I live in CA and living costs are, as always, astronomical) and also help me fix my computer so I can put more work into my art. I have more plans, regarding patreon as well as comics/zines I have been wanting to make for years now. 

If I can make enough to help me last a month without working retail, I can start giving you guys more updates on what plans I have for my art, and ways in which you can help me sustain some kind of (partial) living off of it. 

Also, to be clear, I will never be a pay-only artist. I know some artists do move in that direction and they have their reasons, but I’ve been on the side of things where I cannot afford it, so I understand the distress of not being able to access art all of a sudden because you have no money. That is not my intention at all. I just want to be able to live with peace of mind and also make art while doing it. 

Thank you so much for reading this, thank you in advance for any help you can offer. I’ll be updating this soon with a link that will help explain what my plans are moving forward if I am able to get the help I need. Thank you all again. 

#not art #commissions #please read #long post #donation post