#this one took a lot of thought and i don't even think i fully articulated everything in my brain....

[sibylsleaves]

Ok since you talked about conflict: what do you think their arguments will look like!!! (The first one and then perhaps the ones after)

oh i do believe their first fight is messy af!!! Because I think the only time we really have seen conflict between them has been during the Lawsuit era, which was so long ago and relatively early in their relationship, and then like little hints of it in s5 (in 5x01 with the panic attack stuff, and kind of in 5x10 with Eddie basically shutting Buck down about coming back to the 118).

And I think fundamentally they would HATE arguing. Like they are ALWAYS on the same team and I think it would be excruciating for both of them to be at odds with one another, so I think even a relatively small disagreement about something could easily blow up into something way bigger because one, or most likely BOTH, of them try to bury it and ignore it and pretend everything's fine because how can they not be on the same side about something??? and then when they refuse to address it it just gets bigger and bigger and their first fight is like...this kind of catastrophic explosion.

(omg sorry putting the rest under a readmore because this got so long...)

Like not screaming at each other or anything like that, but like their argument gets out of hand and one or both of them have to remove themselves from the situation and a little part of them is like is this it? is this where it ends? what if we really weren't ever meant to get together what if we really were better as friends? We NEVER fought when we were just best friends maybe this is too much for us...and then they get some Wise Perspective from someone or they have a classic Call That Mirrors Our Current Conflict moment and they're like wait. we're being stupid. yeah maybe we're fighting right now but we also both want to fight FOR each other and FOR this relationship.

I do think one of their early if not their earliest fights might be something about Eddie keeping something from Buck--not something nefarious at all, but something where it's Eddie basically processing or refusing to process something and not letting Buck in on the processing/lack thereof and Buck finds out and gets upset because when Eddie keeps things from him BAD THINGS HAPPEN. And Buck LOVES to fix things and Eddie loves that he wants to (comes in handy when you've got a bunch of holes in your walls...) but also he doesn't want to admit that there's anything TO fix and also, maybe this isn't something that can just be FIXED.

Just spitballing but maybe it's that Eddie is avoiding telling his parents about Buck and it's not that Buck needs him to do that but that Eddie is HIDING the fact that he hasn't told his parents FROM Buck because he doesn't want to admit how scary it is to come out to them and also to possibly open up this relationship (that he feels SO sure of and SO happy in) to the judgement of his parents who, for all the progress they've made HAVE proven themselves to be judgmental in the past. And Eddie thinks Buck is going to be hurt and disappointed that he hasn't told his parents but Buck is just hurt and sad that Eddie hasn't shared his feelings about the situation with Buck. (This also fits into my desire to see the friction of like, here's something i would've shared with you without question before we got together but now we ARE together and you are the SUBJECT of the thing I would previously have been sharing with you as like a friend/third party to the situation). Cue the Diaz parents showing up unexpectedly for a surprise visit and it all goes to hell. and i for sure think their future arguments get messy not just for them but also for the entire firehouse. because you know who loves oversharing about their relationship problems at work??? BUCK. and you know who hates talking about his problems and wants to pretend they don't exit? EDDIE "I don't panic" DIAZ. So I do think their little tiffs tend to bleed out and affect everyone on the team (but important to note I don't think they let it affect them on calls, it's more just a general disruption of the Team Vibe like in the truck/at the station because they can't stop sniping at each other). Like I think we'd see something very similar to how pissy Buck was with Eddie in 5x01 and Eddie being like BUCK FOR GODS SAKE and Hen and Chim are like 🍿🍿🍿 and Ravi is like. traumatized because everytime Buck is upset with Eddie somehow HE gets punished for it. and maybe even Chim and Maddie end up in their own argument because they disagree about who is in the wrong in the Eddie/Buck conflict (who is siding with whom...now that's the real question...but for the record in my head Chim is on Buck's side and he is FLABBERGHASTED that Maddie wouldn't take her own brother's side!!! But Maddie and Eddie are so similar so she REALLY empathizes with him in this situation and also she's ALWAYS primed and ready to call Buck out for being a dumbass.) I could see this being played for laughs and/or also as part of a larger conflict about Buck and Eddie being allowed to work together on the same shift. Like maybe it's kind of played somewhat comedically at first and then they like, resolve their fight in some cute way but Bobby still sits them down and is like you have GOT to figure out how to fight as a couple without dragging us all into it. Or you can't work together anymore. I'm so serious.

And Buck and Eddie are like what are you talking about we're all good now!! we love each other everything's great! And Bobby is like *stares directly at the camera* oh so you're never going to have another conflict again for the rest of your lives?

And then Buck starts thinking about how HES GONNA SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH EDDIE AND HOW AMAZING IS THAT--sorry I'm getting distracted.

But anyway. Yeah. I think it's a process and they have to actually sit down together and figure out how they're going to handle conflict going forward because as much as they love each other and as much as it KILLS THEM to fight, no relationship is perfect at all times, even theirs.

#sibyl answers #eddiegettingshot #buddie established relationship spec #this one took a lot of thought and i don't even think i fully articulated everything in my brain....

[humiliatingsluts]

True Dominance: Part 1

This is the first part of the true story of meeting @myreallovelymind. Make sure you go read her writing of the same events. We both posted these without reading each others' writing. Make sure to read both True Dominance and True Submission.

—

We met on Tumblr, of course. It’s not unusual that I get messages looking for attention, tasks, approval, or to sell me something. The unusual part was how articulate and respectful this message was:

“Good evening Sir/Daddy. I don't know which one you prefer. You probably won't see or respond to this message but I just wanted to say thank you for your blog. You're making me want to try humiliating things to please men. I've never wanted to rim a man more than listening to that audio. To thank you, I wanted to send you a picture of me kneeling. I hope you have a lovely evening.”

And of course, a photo of her kneeling. I was intrigued, and we started chatting more. She loved doing tasks to please me, and it wasn’t long before we were talking every day and she was hanging off my every word.

I could write another whole story of all the tasks she did online. She was deeply submissive without a hint of brattiness, and she loved to be denied. She got so desperate and pathetic as I pushed her to humiliate herself. We quickly realised we lived merely two hours apart. That didn’t guarantee we’d end up meeting but it seemed like we both wanted it. Eventually, we lined up a weekend: only three weeks away.

The first and easiest decision was whether she would get to cum before meeting me: of course not. I felt like even a ruined orgasm would be too much of a treat, so I kept her fully denied. She craved total denial. She needed total denial. But she didn’t know it yet. So she begged. She pleaded and she whined and she messaged over and over, asking for relief. She said she’d do anything just to ruin one orgasm. It took her a while to understand that my orgasms are what matter. After a week, I told her she was not even allowed to ask to ruin or cum. She was denied even the pleasure of being denied. If and when she broke down and begged, she was to write a tally mark on her inner thigh. In two weeks she got twenty-three marks.

During the last week before she arrived she had to study. I gave her a simple routine: for the first forty minutes of the hour she was to study and focus. Then for the final twenty, she was to edge. She repeated this every hour while I was at work. Eight hours of edging and stopping. She found it almost easy at first. But by Thursday she was broken. She cried from desperation. I loved the control, she was losing her ability to think of anything but serving me and earning a ruined orgasm. Luckily (for her) she was too busy on Friday to try again and she got the day off. Finally it was Saturday morning. I didn’t allow her to touch at all before her midday train.

—

The next part of the story will be a lot more exciting from her end. The weather was hot so rather than wearing jeans, she wore a dress. She didn’t wear the lingerie she had bought for me, in case it got ruined with sweat. The best part of her outfit was the toy hidden under her dress. It almost doesn’t sound real (and I thought she might chicken out on the day). She spent nearly two hours on a train with a vibrator lightly buzzing inside her. It’s a bendy Lush toy – one where half goes inside and half curves to press against the clit. Both parts could be controlled online.

The train wasn’t quite as exciting as I’d write it to be, if it wasn’t all completely true. Firstly, I had to make myself lunch, so I couldn’t control the toy the entire time. Secondly, the train internet was poor, and I got disconnected often. But it was still thrilling sliding the power up on her clit and knowing she was squirming in her train seat. About half an hour before she arrived, I left to go to the shops to make sure I was there in plenty of time.

Now I was slightly nervous. We had video called and talked plenty, but meeting someone off the internet, you can never be sure. I will say that standing in the bread aisle picking out a loaf while casually adjusting the vibrator inside her pussy did help with my nerves. Eventually I found myself standing in the station, scanning the crowds and hoping she looked like her pictures.

And there she was. I was excited. She actually looked better than online, in fact she was very hot. Mostly I’d seen pictures of her body, but she was actually pretty too. I hadn’t realised that she was a foot shorter than me, and knowing how small she’d feel beneath me was exciting. We had casual but nervous conversation on the walk back to my flat. I had hoped to play with her toy, or even grope her in public, but the city was too busy on a sunny Saturday. Ten minutes later, we were in my flat.

—

The first moment alone was the part that could have gone worst. After all, we both knew why we were there, but there was still a tension before we acted on it. She dropped her bag and coat and stood in front of me. It’s obvious when you read this now that I had to take the lead (what does being a dom mean?) but considering she’d arrived about fifteen minutes ago part of me thought she’d tell me to slow down. I held her by the waist and kissed her.

There were absolutely no nerves now. I was touching her all over, pulling her body against mine and feeling her melt. I ran my hand up her thigh and moaned into her mouth when I found the toy. I held her head still and kissed her, enjoying every little moan and gasp as I touched her. I led her hand to my cock and she obediently took it out and began slowly jerking me off. I was already so hard and I needed to use her.

I led her to the sofa and sat. She had completely surrendered control and I started undressing her, licking and biting her body as it was revealed. I could tell she was already falling into subspace, and once she was naked I inspected her: the tally marks and the word “denied” written across her lower stomach, the toy that was still inside her, her pussy that was dripping down her thighs, her tits and the way she shivered and moaned when I squeezed them. Finally having her in front of me after weeks of teasing, sexting, all the lust we had built up was unleashed.

I ordered her onto her knees. She had waited so long to suck my cock, and I had waited so long for her to serve me. She didn’t waste any time. She was sucking my cock greedily, desperately, moaning and worshipping. I let her serve, sitting back and enjoying the sensations, only helping keep her hair out of her face.

Gradually, I guided her lower. I knew she had never rimmed anyone, and I wanted to enjoy it. She was so enthusiastic on my balls, and I couldn’t help smirking at her as she licked lower and lower. I’ve always loved the sight of eyes looking up at me from under my balls, and I nearly came while she lapped at my asshole and jerked off my cock. I let her kiss and lick my ass for a while, enjoying the sloppy wet sounds of her tongue.

Then I realised the toy was still inside her, not vibrating. I turned it on and she shuddered and moaned. As I turned it up she struggled to keep focus, moaning and trying so hard to be good as her pussy took over. She pressed her face against my thigh and moaned and sighed, unable to multitask. I knew if I kept going one or both of us would cum far too soon.

I stood and pulled her up too. I held her by her hair and pulled her with me to the bedroom. She got on the bed on all fours, still using her toy, moaning and begging to be fucked. I take a minute to admire her body. Online I had seen photos, but she looked even better in person. Her ass and pussy were spread and swollen, dripping with need. She pressed her face and tits into the mattress in a perfect arch.

I slowly pulled out her toy, and then I was inside her. She was so wet and so tight, and I mounted her, fucking her into the bed and grabbing her everywhere. I’d like to describe all the kinky and gross things we said or did but all I can remember is the feeling of cumming inside her and collapsing. Sometimes all you need is to lose yourself in pleasure.

—

Follow HumiliatingSluts for new writing every Friday.

#my writing #True Dominance #True Submission

[keets-writing-corner]

One thing I noticed is that Lucifer doesn't disassociate when singing, and what's one common factor in his songs? Charlie, so I like to imagine that in these instances he's so focused on her that his depression temporarily takes a back seat because he loves his kid so much that he forgets why he's sad in the first place.

ooh I like your headcanons!

hmm I guess we could look at this a couple of different ways (some of what I'm about to say comes from personal experience which may be different than what some other people experience so idk feel free to agree or disagree with my musings)

So dissociation doesn't [technically] affect your ability to speak, it affects your ability to focus. The way I was talking about it in my analysis was that it nerfed Lucifer's conversation comprehension, with him being unable to follow along the entire time (and consequently either has NO idea what anyone is talking about or only gets half the picture).

The only times Lucifer really fumbles his words is when he gets nervous around Charlie either cuz he's trying to make a good impression

Or when he realizes his depression is biting him in the ass and he just missed crucial pieces of information and cannot bluff his way through the conversation

Although shout out to that one time we caught him realizing he needed to bluff and stumbled a little

But otherwise, he articulates himself perfectly fine, cuz again, dissociation isn't about speaking ability so much as it is about focus. Even in my bouts of dissociation I can verbalize myself just fine for the most part, it's whether or not what I have to say is relevant to the conversation, which uh Lucifer also showed off at some point when he thought Charlie was asking him about the hotel's appearance rather than her actual plan to redeem sinners and comments on the railings. (Or idk there is another interpretation that he was avoiding the subject, maybe it was both he disassociated while Charlie was explaining everything to him but did catch that she wanted to redeem sinners at some point, but didn't quite understand what she was asking until she clarified? he didn't seem surprised when she did clarify so I'm assuming he ended up catching it at least once)

So I'm bringing this up because it ends up being kinda hard to tell whether or not he is or is not disassociating when he sings, cuz the dissociation wouldn't affect the singing at all.

When he's having a sing battle against Alastor, sure he's articulating himself well and presenting his points, but we don't actually know whether or not he's following along what Alastor is saying. Honestly, Lucifer vs Alastor just seemed like 2 territorial chickens yelling at each other trying to be louder than the other one. Maybe Lucifer is catching everything cuz his jealous and rage helped him focus for once, maybe he's not catching everything but he doesn't need to catch everything to know that he doesn't like Alastor and he doesn't need to focus to tell Alastor how much he dislikes him.

But what about the other two songs, "More than Anything" and "Finale"?

He is technically outright having a conversation with Charlie in the first one and in the second one, he seems fully aware of the context of the situation and is focusing more on a lifting spirits role

Well it could be a lot of things I think. I don't think it's that the depression or the sadness took a back seat, that's still present. From my own experiences, it is possible to get yourself to focus in a dissociative episode when the subject matter is something you're passionate about or in Lucifer's case, someone that he loves. We know the dissociation was unfortunately strong enough that it was making him miss out on a lot of things Charlie (aforementioned loved one) was telling him, especially in the beginning.

But looking at "More than Anything" what changed in that scene? He was with Charlie the entire episode but that was the first scene where he really managed to hold a conversation. I think it was a combination of: Okay his baby girl is there and she NEEDS him, and he opens up as to why he's hesitant about her plan. He's not explicit with the mention of his trauma, but trauma does make someone more alert. I'd also like to give a special shout out to @in-fair-verona-we-set-our-scene who made these lovely tags on my analysis post

Specifically, I want to talk about that they mention that Lucifer is being a lot more genuine in his song with Charlie, aka he's not masking. He's not trying to hide or bluff how he's doing. He's not putting on a show, he's not being goofy or larger than life, he's being genuine and his genuine self is tired, sad and resigned. Let me tell you, my dissociation is 100% worse when I'm masking.

I think in "More Than Anything" a mix of things are going on, he's not needing to mask for a minute which boosts the focus, he's opening up about trauma and it's being gently received which boosts focus, and he's talking to someone he loves about something he was once passionate about which boosts focus. So ye! It could entirely be that in that song he was not dissociating!

As far as "Finale" I legitimately can't really tell whether or not he is? He's not really having a conversation with anyone, he's just trying to uplift his daughter, and again, in my experiences, dissociation doesn't necessarily nerf your ability to speak. We also know that he knows how to put on a show even in the depths of the dissociation like in "Hell's Greatest Dad" soooo as for that song... -shrug-?????

There is an element here that we have to take into account. Hazbin Hotel is a traditional musical, so we must look at a theater saying, "When the emotion becomes too strong for speech, you sing." Which is more or less what happened in all the songs Lucifer was a part in, so there's definitely some meta technical things going on in that a song wouldn't be very dramatic if the person singing it was dissociating the whole time? I mean I guess it could be done, I've just never seen it? Usually the musical number has to be clear in its purpose. The protagonist of Dear Even Hansen can sing just fine when any other speaking parts he fumbles with his words a lot.

AAAAAAALLL of this to say: Does Lucifer stop disassociating when he sings? -shrugs- I think it really depends on the context, but I wouldn't at all be surprised cuz high emotion can lead to greater focus in a moment. Although it's really cute to think that he doesn't dissociate cuz singing with Charlie is just that much of a boost for him cuz he loves his wittle girl

#Hazbin hotel #Lucifer #Lucifer Morningstar #Dissociation #Singing #Hazbin Hotel spoilers #I'm glad you sent me this ask #I've actually been thinking about this a lot tbh #But I've been so busy writing my depresso lucifer fic that I just haven't sat down to properly mull this over yet #Judging from the replies of my last analysis #I hit the nail on the head with a lot of people struggling with dissociation #So I hope that this will extend here as well #but everyone experiences shitty mental health a little differently as well #so I hope that what I'm using to make an analysis this time still rings true and isn't just a me experience #anyways #love the scrunkly #Very excited for season 2 now #meta #analysis #anon ask

[teresalace]

"I won't cry for you" - Yandere Tyler Galpin x Female Reader PART 3

•Part 1 •Part 2

Words: 1699

Warnings: Mentions of torture, psychology, dysfunction yet healthy family relations if you squint.

Show: Wednesday (2022)

Summary: You've graciously or stupidly, granted Tyler a phone to call his father for whatever reason he had while you went to call yours for assistance. And since you weren't fully knowledgeable about Hydes, you contacted the only person you knew, who wasn't in prison, that had that knowledge. Your father, Alvin Gates.

• •

🥺 Sorryyyy this took forever a lot of months, planned to post this at February but got sick and many stuff happened, preparing for an interview :--D but am back in my writing mojo!/kinda, HAPPY HALLOWEEN) AND I HEARD season 2 is coming omggg I'm excited

————

"Well, well, well~ If it isn't the sweet consequence of my actions with your mother." A voice unmistakably grouchy speaks, sounding jovial with every word out.

A quick glance to your locked bedroom door before you finally said a response into the cellphone.

"You sound well, father." You mildly greeted, a tinge of a smile in your voice. To think it's almost only been a month since the last call.

"Yeah yeah it's been a while but cut the chitchat, sweetie, what do you need helping with?" You could imagine an eyeroll as your father said, always cutting to the chase.

"About Hydes." You spared no other detail and maintained calm articulation. Not that you needed to be careful with him, thankfully.

For more precaution, it's better if not even your own father knows about Tyler being in the house. You didn't want things to get out of hand.

"Ah- what about them? Did something happen that isn't supposed to–" Suddenly silence overtook the line, a thoughtful humming until he spoke again. "Don't get yourself into any unfamiliar territory, kid. That's suppose to be your mother's speciality."

So he noticed, of course he did. Better leave that to his wandering imagination than spoil your plan. A very non-existent plan at the moment.

"I don't plan to. Father, I was just curious since I kept hearing about them." True, that wasn't a lie in the slightest. "I was wondering if you'd know anything about them."

Surely he must know something.

"Hmm, you heard it from someone, no doubt. . . Alright, alright. What do you want to know exactly, kid. I'll tell ya as much as I can afford to." Sounds like mother has been keeping tabs on him.

"Hydes obey only one master, their own, correct?" You continued when father hummed a helpful tune, "would it be possible to sever the ties between a Hyde and its master."

A pause in-between your father's breathing left you suspended.

"Well. . . Got bad news for you kid, I don't know any available methods for that." He sighed gruffy like he felt bad, "sorry but can't help you with the whole severing business. It's set in stone, pretty much."

"I see. . . " You massaged your temples, disappoinment rising inside you. But you couldn't just accept this answer easily, stubbornness seemed to take hold in your heart. For what reason? You couldn't figure out.

"However–" A hoarse chuckle emerged from your cellphone. "It's not entirely impossible to say there aren't other ways of solving that problem. I'm sure you can get some creative ideas from their origins, kid. Only one thing is set in stone, Hydes only serve one master."

Father's bold hint sparked a lightbulb in your head. Their origins.

In the first place, what caused Hydes to bond an undying loyalty to their masters was–

"Sorry for not being alot of help, kid, I'm out of time for the day. Take good care of yourself, will you."

"I will." A buzz of excitement slowly crept over you as an idea began running through your mind. "You were very helpful, dad, thanks. You take care too."

"Mm sounds like you found an answer eh?" He sounded genuinely happy, making you feel much more sturdy in this new plan.

"Not exactly but I should be on the right track." If Tyler would go along with it.

"Mm so you're going to try any attempts, I see. Hah– it's hilarious how similar you and your mother's thinking is!"

Again with the comparisons. You rolled your eyes, "Goodbye, father."

"Alright alright, see ya kiddo. For now." BEEP. BEEP.

The call was over already.

.  .  .

You turned off the burner phone, picking out the block of battery from the back and saving it in your other hiding space for another time. Now you should check on Tyler, you can't afford to trust him so easily especially when his father's a sheriff. 

Quietly you went out of your bedroom, closing the door slowly so as to not make a sound. You headed down the stairs in a casual, fast pace to quickly see his state of mind.

But it's likely he isn't planning to screw himself over... Your assumption was most likely made correct when you came to see Tyler sitting slumped on the couch, his face buried deep in his hands. 

Sweeping your gaze across the living room and floor, the burner phone you gave him was nowhere in sight… Mentally noting to check the trash bin by the kitchen before you stomped down the stairs and made yourself known.

Tyler's eyes peeked up first from the gaps in-between his fingers like the leafy venus flytraps back home ever so often tempting you to closer inspect. To place your finger in there, to feed. 

He waited on your next move.

Your arms folded, hiding your hands twitching on their own for a tweezer. "Did you have a good talk?" 

What else could you really say without sounding too interested in him. 

"It was something…" Tyler did a small shrug, less energy than he's shown before, voice dulled by the cover of his fingers. "Could've gone better. I wish he didn't hang up so fast."

"What did you talk about?" Might as well see how much information he was willing to give.

A small sigh, Tyler slowly revealed half of his distraught face. "Not a lot. He wasn't interested in what I had to say… Told me to be careful." Strange of the dutiful sheriff to say but then again you didn't know what kind of father-son relationship they had.

"How are you feeling?" One of mother's favourite lines growing up that you've somehow adapted into your vocabulary. It seemed the most appropriate.

You continued watching Tyler's tensed form with a safe but short distance away, the coffee table acting as a possible shield in between you and him. Incase he raged.

But there was none.

There was something in his usual silence this time that irked you. Like he didn't fully trust you. 

You approved of that, as he shouldn't. Mutually. Especially if things ever go wrong because of him, you were ready at a moment's notice to abandon everything to do with him. 

"I… Hate him." 

The pause went on for however many tensed seconds before Tyler's hands fell onto his knees.

"Sorry sorry, I know I shouldn't be saying this… I mean I can't say I don't miss him." 

"You can say what you want. I don't mind," you said flatly, genuinely meaning it. His expressions stiff, he looked mentally pent up, thoughts practically steaming out from his ears.

"No, it's fine. You've done a lot for me already, I owe you." He grinned brightly, the dark cloud looming over from before gone in an instant, "for that phone call too."

"Sure," it wouldn't be bad to have a Hyde indebted to you.

Tyler checked the ticking clock on the kitchen wall, "I guess it is getting late… See you in the morning?"

You nodded. "Night, Galpin." 

"G-Good night! Have a good sleep." He smiled dopey, waving briskly while walking backwards to the foot of the stairs before jogging up to his bedroom. So naturally at home.

Just how eager was he to get back in his room?

 That wasn't his usual way of walking, what could he be looking forward to or hiding in there… Or he could just be relieved of stress after that talk with his father, maybe that brought about his new behavior.

Your suspicions were beginning to sound far-fetched even to yourself but then again, there was always that silver of possibility that he could be planning to rebel against you. 

So you moved fast towards the kitchen sink, tiny spikes of uneasiness pulsing through you, turning the facuet on and letting the water run loudly as you went to look into the trash bin.

Expecting to look down into a void of nothingness.

The large black plastic bag sleeved over the edge of the bin looked loose and puffy. Clearly you didn't do this, your meticulousness wouldn't allow such a lazy set up. You pat down the puffy areas, flattening the edges to allow better access in seeing what trash had been collected.

Shiny peices of black metal greet you at the bottom of the pit, tiny and almost powder-like glitter in the kitchen light. What previously used to be a burner phone now looked like the result of being in someone's clenched fist. Useful monsterous strength… if he could actually get it under his full control.

Whatever anxiety crept inside your heart disappeared as you contently spun on your heel and turned off the kitchen faucet. 

A small appreciation for Tyler as thanks to him, there's less work for you now.

You wondered why you even felt 'anxious' at all, it must've been the slight stress of knowing he could've screwed things up for you. And himself. Now that makes sense, of course since it's not as if you actually knew him personally even back in town. 

Feeling much more at peace, you headed towards your own bedroom, adjacent from Tyler's. His room barely made any noise except for the few inaudible mumbles and the faint use of his shower and the light peeking through from underneath his door. 

You never noticed before but he always had the lights turned on in there. Well, it's not as if you were the one paying the electrical bill. It was nothing noteworthy.

Once settling in your own bed and underneath your blanket in the cozy dark, sleep came easily… Until your brain jostled an interesting observation your very eyes must've slipped. 

In the trash bin, there was no sight of the small black piece. The memory card. 

The sim card. 

Despite his questionable actions, you chose to sleep, thoughts racing alongside a strange excitement building up in you. 

Oh what are you up to, Tyler Galpin.

Time was ticking. Neither on his or your side. He just didn't know it yet.

In the following morning you received a misscall from an unknown number. Father. He never contacts you first. There's nothing he needs that you could provide. It must be about the Hyde. 

Finally.

#tyler galpin x reader #female reader #tyler galpin x you #yandere tyler galpin #wednesday 2022 #yandere x reader #yandere x female reader #teresalace #writing #dark fic #I won't cry for you #yandere male x reader #male yandere x reader #Teresalace #wednesday netflix

[wannaeatramyeon]

Hi~ I just wanna ask you, how do you think/feel about Eli & Heather's relationship and their 'history'? Like some people said that Heather took advantage of Eli's innocence, some people said that it was Eli's mistake.

Ok anon. I have my thoughts but I reread the arc just to try and articulate them better. Fucking forgot Darius Hong was in this. And no one needs more Darius Hong in their life. Anyway.

Eli Jang/Heather Relationship rambles

In this essay...

Damn. This is rough. Please note I may be the least well informed person to give my thoughts on this. Happy for anyone to disagree.

Sigh. I think a lot of times we think of things in black and white, whereas almost everything is in shades of grey.

Eli Jang & Heather's background

First off, Eli has experienced a lot of trauma when he was first introduced, and clearly going through a lot mentally. He's also stunted in a lot of ways and 'deprived of an education'. Literally everything that he has known was abuse. Ran away from home at the age of 10. And whatever fucked up shit was going on with Tom Lee too.

I cannot stress how clear all of this is.

With Heather, the only real thing we know about her is she's 15. Both parents lawyers and very overbearing.

Eli Jang's 'recovery' from trauma

But by chapter 237: Eli Jang (6) a month passes and they have both met. Eli, from how he is portrayed, has already improved a lot. Healed a lot. Not fully. I think we need to remember that the passing of time and progression differs massively in Lookism than in real life.

If this was real life, nope. Lookism, ehhhh. Literally please suspend your belief.

This is in part a big reason why I don't blame Heather for her actions that night.

The huge fucking question mark over consent

I can also never fully agree with anyone saying that Heather groomed Eli. To me, she acts very much like a 15 year old girl with a crush. Less nefarious than what grooming implies. Could she have been better informed and set boundaries? Hell yeah.

From what we can see in the panels, Eli reciprocates her feelings. Sure there might be other things going on, but if there were insidious intentions I feel like PTJ would show it more front and center.

To me, looking at the storyline and art, it just feels like 2 people with a crush.

At the same time, if we apply real life morals to this, then yeah it's all pretty messed up. This isn't real life though.

(Sex education is a whole other kettle of fish I don't want to get into. Where I'm from, we have free contraceptives, free medical care, sex education. But oops, teenage pregnancies still happen an awful lot.)

Here's where people might disagree because I'm giving consent to people on their behalf - though we're talking about fictional characters here and all we can do is speculate.

My opinions on this are:

If we ask Heather if she believed Eli consented that night, she would fully believe so.

Similarly at the time, Eli would probably say yes he did.

I have little reason shown by PTJ to doubt that he would withdraw his consent present day as well.

As for Eli's mistake?

Uhh. Assuming they are both able to consent, and let's just say yes for the sake of simplicity, then I don't see how the night together is his mistake?

The whole mess afterwards and the poor communication and martyr thing going on I would say is his mostly his fault. Yes, he has his reasons for it. Two things can still be true.

And fucking Olly Wang.

But Heather was right there. Eli could have cleared the air with her. Said wtf I didn't message you those but he didn't.

Heather lashed out, which I think is a very human response to her situation and the sudden insane amount of pressure placed on her shoulders, however unfair her words are. She didn't have the full story though, whereas Eli did.

So like I said, I place more of the ownership of this situation on Eli even though I can also see where it all stems from.

In Summary

This goes back to what I said before about there are so many shades of grey, and this situation and relationship is absolutely not black and white. To me, anyway.

We can also imply all we want with things happening off-screen during any of the arcs though it's better to stick with what we can see or clearly read between the lines.

Taking in my thoughts above, honestly? I just think it's a tragic story about 2 kids that had unprotected sex one night and then it fucking spiralled. I don't see the blame lying with either one for their actions. Based on my reasons above.

This situation feels too nuanced here for me to say yeah Heather fucked up or Eli fucked up because there are so many details at play here, mostly to do with Eli Jang's background but also to do with the pacing of time and recovery in PTJ-verse.

TL;DR: No-one sucks here. Too many nuances. Sad af situation.

#hopefully this isnt too offensive to anyone #happy to delete if so #please just let me know #holy shit this is more nonsensical than my last one tho #lookism #lookism webtoon #lookism manhwa #eli jang #jang hyun #lookism heather #wannaeatramyeon

[kris-mage-fics]

So there are some things that have been bothering me about Andromeda Six. For a quite a while I told myself I was overreacting, but the more I think about it the more convinced I'm not.

A lot of those things others have brought up before, and I think they have done a really good job of articulating those issues, so I'm not going to touch on them. (Like how heteronormative the game is.)

What I want to talk about is Bash's story line. Now I'm aware he used to have a drug addiction plot, I wasn't around when that was still a thing. From what I've gathered it took quite a while for that to be changed. While his new story line isn't racist, which is an improvement, I have a lot of issues with it. (My thoughts are under the cut since it's significant spoilers for Episodes 6 and 7.) This will be long! Also, I'm going to be mentioning ableism and chronic pain.

As we know, Bash took the events at the end of Episode 5 pretty hard. He decides that the way he can protect the people he cares about is to get more bionics. Sure, it may not be the best idea to make that choice in such an emotional state, but otherwise there is nothing wrong with it.

Now the game forces the Traveler to be fully against this idea. No option to say "hey, maybe revisit this idea when you aren't so upset to make sure it's what you really want to do." Which would be a totally reasonable response. The reasons we are given for the Traveler to be against it is because A) he can't physically feel anything and B) it will take away who he is and his humanity.

The idea that you can't feel anything with the bionics is fucking wild to me. Like you have such advanced medical tech, yet can't integrate the bionics into the existing nervous system?! How does the bionic work if it's isn't at least partly integrated? How do you know the right amount of pressure to use when lifting a glass verses using bolt cutters? It makes no fucking sense to me that you can't feel anything!

But the big issue here is the idea that it will take away part of who Bash is as a person and his humanity. Which is such a bullshit take! Yes I know other sci-fi and cyberpunk stories have this too, I always think it's terrible. (Originally in cyberpunk the issue with cybernetics wasn't 'loosing your humanity', it was 'having things that are owned by corporations implanted in us is a terrible idea'. In other words, it's a critique of unrestrained capitalism. By showing how allowing companies access to our physical bodies and control over medical issues gives them an absurd amount of power and will result in a lot of cruelty and inequality. Which is actually a really good take and something we should be wary of!)

Who we are as people can't be taken away because a limb is taken away or a cybernetic implant is added. This is an incredibly ableist idea. Are amputees less human or less themselves because of being an amputee? Fuck no! Are people who use prosthetics less themselves or less human? Again, fuck no! Yes, it takes time to adapt to changes in your body, but that doesn't make you less human or completely change who you are as a person. (Maybe comparing cybernetics/bionics to prosthetics isn't fair, but it's the closest we have. And in Bash's case, his bionics were essentially prosthetics at first.)

I don't use prosthetics and I'm not an amputee. I don't use mobility aids even though there are times I really should (now is not the time to go into why). But I have quite a few invisible physical disabilities, and live with a lot of pain 24/7. If I had the chance to exchange my body for a cybernetic one and didn't have to deal with the pain and other shit my body puts me through, I would in a heartbeat! Sure it would take a while to get used to the difference. But I wouldn't stop being human, or lose myself. Actually, I'd be happier because I wouldn't be in a lot of pain every second of my life! (This doesn't mean my current life isn't worth living. Just that it's hard and I'd be happier if it were easier.)

So in conclusion, this is an ableist story line and, in my opinion, part of it doesn't even make sense. The fact that the Traveler is forced to think this way drives me nuts! Also, did anyone else think it was kinda messed up that the Traveler talks to KY-L3 about it and he agrees with their take and agrees to talk to Bash? I feel like that oversteps some boundaries. Edit: I also found this excellent post by Cyrus the Cyborg about how frustrating it is for xem as an amputee to see this trope in cyberpunk and sci fi media.

#I really like Bash and to see him put through this bs story line annoys me so much! #this game has a lot of potential #I like most of the characters and it seems there is interesting worldbuilding but we don't really get to see much in the game #yes I'm main tagging this because I want people to see this #I think this is something that should be talked about #andromeda six #andromeda 6 #a6 #wow did I go off or what? #also a lot of parentheses were used #could this use another editing/proofreading pass? probably but I'm tired of looking at it so apologies if this is a mess

[thevoiidspeakz]

List of things Mike Wheeler has gone through canonically. Focused on Mike, though he went through some of these with others.

Might be updated with things I missed, and feel free to add anything!

Also please keep in mind that this is all just canon information we're 100% sure we have, so I'm not gonna get into his sexuality or anything, mainly because there's many different approaches to it and everyone has a different idea of it in their heads, so I'm sticking to canon for this

PS. I'm actually really fucking shit at articulating my thoughts into words. Like I am dog water at it so please bare with me.

Season 1 (12 years old);

Will went missing. His best friend who he's known since kindergarten suddenly goes missing while biking home from his house. Suddenly, one morning, Will's just.. gone.

Searching for Will himself. Going out into the dark woods at night in the pouring rain, against cop's and parent's orders to go look for Will himself because he just couldn't take losing him.

Will's body being pulled out of the quarry. At that point, Mike really lost all hope. There was no question now, his best friend was dead. Gone. Forever. No more Will the Wise, no more sleepovers, no more of his amazing drawings to put up on the walls. He was gone.

Meeting El. Hiding another kid from his parents in his own house while also providing food and shelter is a lot of responsibility, and I feel like people don't talk about it that much. Not to mention Mike, Dustin and Lucas had to teach El just about everything. What a friend is, what a promise is, she was totally clueless, and they had to take care of her. They were all the same age at the time. (I'm not saying that them having helped El was a bad thing, god no, but you have to admit it was a lot to take on for a group of kids.)

Losing El. They had just barely met El, and she was already being taken away by the same thing that took Will. They had to watch her be disintegrated right after they ran from Brenner and the Lab People, also watching them be killed by El (she wasn't wrong for killing them but it is a pretty brutal thing to deal with as a kid), and then from a fucking monster from another dimension. I don't think I have to explain this.

Jumping off the quarry. I can't handle this shit. Mike didn't almost jump, he jumped. That 12 year old kid actually jumped off of a fucking cliff. I really, really wonder what exactly he was thinking. There was obviously the part about saving Dustin, but I imagine Will being "dead" also had something to do with it. It was the same quarry his body was found in, after all. But just think about this for one second; Mike jumped off a cliff when he was 12. He was going to die there if El hadn't saved him. Why do people not talk about this. HE JUMPED OFF A CLIFF. WHAT THE FUCK.

Being bullied. Mike's been bullied his entire life. Pushed around and kicked around by Troy and the others, we see him mainly being called "frog face" and being a victim of homophobia, but who knows what else he's gone through.

Season 2 (13 years old);

Being forced to throw away his toys. He was forced to grow up by throwing out toys that not only had emotional connections and brought back memories, but also that Mike just didn't want to give up. He still liked playing with toys, and he was fully in the right to, there was nothing wrong with that. While we're talking about this scene, there's also the fact he had been acting up a lot after season 1. Plagiarizing essays, graffitiing the bathroom stalls, stealing money from Nancy, you name it.

Almost getting ran over by Billy. (thank you @lucybell52 for pointing this out!) No cuz what the fuck. What do I even say about this? Pretty minor in comparison to everything else he's gone through but jesus fucking christ that's still a thing.

Getting Will back only for him to be possessed. Mike was with Will the entire time he was possessed. He never left his side. Mike saw Will hurting, and had to hear him screaming, and crying and had to watch him suffer over and over and over. Just think about tiny Mike covering his ears, terrified, watching as Will screams for his life. Back in the shed, trying desperately to find his best friend, to get him back, talking to him and reminding him of when they met. The best thing he's ever done. That's what asking Will to be his friend was. And there was a risk of losing him again.

Watching Bob die. (thank you @/synthgay) Mike had to watch as a man got brutally mauled to death by demodogs, all while holding a passed out, limp Will in his arms. I can't even begin to imagine how much that would fuck up a kid's brain.

Billy when he came looking for Max.(thank you @runninguplenorahills for mentioning this <3) He nearly beat up Lucas, he did beat the fuck out of Steve (which the kids tried to help by putting little colorful band-aids on his wounds can you hear me sobbing?)

Season 3 (14 years old);

The Mind Flayer. Do I need to explain this? Having to see that fucking thing, let alone almost be killed by it????? It's a horror movie type creature made of melted people. MELTED PEOPLE. I have trouble looking at it even knowing it's fake. IMAGINE KNOWING IT'S REAL.

The Sauna Test. Flayed Billy screaming his guts out, breaking the window, almost choking El to death, almost getting beat up too when trying to save her.

Getting beat up by flayed Billy. Grown, very menacing and intimidating man who is way stronger than him, and who he's seen beat the fuck out of someone way stronger than he is also beat the fuck out of him.

The Byers moving away. At first this might not seem all that big of a deal, but he's losing El, and Will again, and that does take a toll on him (paired up with everything that happened in Starcourt), which we see in Lucas on the Line (following up with that).

Clear signs of depression in Lucas on the Line. Self isolating, spending all of his time in his room or basement playing nintendo, like, he literally does not leave his room, he's irritable and annoyed all the time... yeah.

Season 4 (14/15 years old);

The shootout at the Byers house. They were being shot at. He could've died. Will and Jonathan could've died. Unknown Hero Agent Man did die.

Trying to save UHAM/burying him. Yeah i don't need to explain this. Everyone trying desperately to save this bleeding, dying man, ultimately failing and having to bury his body. They were so damn casual about it too, Mike, Will and Jonathan. This is just the bullshit they've been forced to live with for the past 4 years at this point, and that is fucking terrifying.

El getting taken. Back with the losing someone you love and not knowing if they're dead or not. (even with Mike not loving El romantically, he still loves her and cares about her, remember that) Especially since they didn't leave off in very friendly terms.

Getting El back. (thanks again @/runninguplenorahills <33)Full of dead people everywhere, El crashing down a helicopter, everything destroyed. Good Lord.

Conclusion;

So, Mike has seen several people die and be murdered, has seen countless of monsters that come from different dimensions, has lost people time and time again, has gone through several near death experiences and more.

I'm pretty sure I missed stuff so please feel free to add on to this if you want, and i can add it to the post itself!

I mainly went through situations he's been in and not his feelings in this. I could make a post going into his internalized homophobia and all, but I feel like many people have already gotten a good look at that.

(@hey-its-bucky helo :])

#my boy has gone through so fucking much #give him a break #and let him break down!!! #please!!!! #let him feel the full effect of all this bullshit he went through #and if we bylers are right #there's just so much more. #byler #mike wheeler #mike wheeler analysis #(?)

[zeldurz]

What kinda dinky ass cybernetics did they give Veers in A Little Help from my Friends??!

The short answer? This kind:

The long and rambling answer with all the meta and thought I've put into this but never written down until now? Follow me under the cut, Friend, and let's talk (cw for medical stuff, discussions of amputation)

First, let me preface this with the fact that I am neither a medical professional nor someone with any personal experience with traumatic limb loss and/or physical disabilities. I am, however, a service technician for very complicated and expensive pieces of lab equipment, and a lot of that bleeds into the mechanical aspects of Veers' cybernetic limbs. I have done a fair bit of research for this fic, and I'll try to throw my sources on this if I can find them again.

A meta perspective:

Longtime readers will know I have a certain type of fic that I gravitate towards (@madelgard lovingly described it as “romantic medical despair”), and one of the this I like to explore is 'what if there was more to healthcare in Star Wars than just “magic healing goo” and “robot limbs that behave exactly like human limbs in every way” (and whatever Andor was doing with the MedSpike I guess). In particular, I've never been fond of the way that characters (with the exception of Vader, but we'll get to him) don't really deal with the disabling and the traumatic aspects of losing a limb, and I wanted to explore that in a fic. Since Veers loses a leg in Legends and is seriously injured in canon, he seemed the perfect candidate for this sort of angsty fic (he also didn't want a cybernetic prosthetic in legends because of the 'stigma' apparently, which sounds fake but I took to mean that he and cybernetics didn't work well together).

For this sort of speculative science, I like to base it in as much real science as possible, and then extrapolate based on the rules of the universe I'm working in. In this case, I wanted to figure out how the prosthetics should work, so they I could break them in realistic ways that made sense for the story I wanted to tell. There were two major considerations for designing the prosthetics and how they work:

What do they need to do to fulfill the same role as biological limbs? Range of motion is an obvious consideration, but balance, physical sensation, and temperature regulation (1) are all essential things provided by a flesh and blood limb that a modern day prosthetic may or may not provide. Veers' case is further complicated by the fact that he has a bilateral (both legs) trans-femoral (mid thigh) amputation – in modern times, he would likely go through several iterations of prosthetic before he got the final versions with jointed knees at his full height (2)

How are they going to do this? While bionic limbs have come a long way in the past few years (3), science fiction gives us a lot of leeway here on things like “weight” and “battery life”. Even so, they aren't one to one analogs, and I think there's a lot of potential for angst, especially regarding the direct interface with the patient's nervous system.

As the prosthetics are mechanical devices, they would be prone to wear and tear just like anything else. Where biological flesh heals and regenerates (usually) over time, self-healing prosthetics are not necessarily achievable or practical, and so certain components (batteries, soles of the feet, synthetic skin, etc) would need to be replaced as time passes. Additionally, if we are operating under the assumption that the limb is fully articulated, it would likely have a control system or on-board computer of some sort – and in my experience, those need to be calibrated on a regular basis, both to account for electronic noise, and any kind of drift in the sensors/drive motors/other components. The only issue is that instead of flashing an LED to find dead pixels on a camera or scanning a range of values to look for the highest signal output on a detector, there's a human person on the other end of the interface. So instead of 'what value gives me the best reading across my mass spectrum' it's 'what value of nerve signal provides the best connection', and unfortunately for Veers, that translates as “pain” (is this a slightly unrealistic approach to this? Maybe. But we do at least see the droid in ESB testing Luke's level of sensation in his hand at the end of the movie, and apparently no one in Star Wars has heard of 'sedating the patient while we attach a new hand' so I feel like it's not out of the realm of possibility)

(1) I had initially thought that Veers would be more frequently cold after losing both his legs, but after reading these two papers, it seems he would have the opposite problem, due to a lack of surface area. This means not only do we have to consider the thermal properties of the materials the prosthetics are made of, but also their ability to effectively distribute body heat when necessary.

(2) I found these two articles about the recovery of a woman with similar injuries to those I've given Veers in this verse very helpful for looking at potential timelines, pitfalls, and the process he might be looking at

(3) this article gives a very good overview of the current state of things and how these limbs interface with the human they are attached to. The process for Direct nerveinterfacing described here is most analogous to how I imagine cybernetic limbs would work in Star Wars, although they are obviously much more advanced

In Universe:

With all of that being said, why do Veers' legs suck specifically? Why does Jerjerrod spend so much time complaining about them?

Well, it all comes down to our favourite asthmatic sith cyborg: while I imagine limb loss is actually fairly uncommon in the GFFA (Skywalkers notwithstanding, blasters and explosives are typically energy weapons, and imo are more likely to cause burns etc than traumatic amputation), the Executor absolutely has to have at least one cybernetics expert on board, to tend to its resident cyborg. However, Vader and Veers differ in a few very fundamental ways, and if said expert is only used to treating Vader and no one else, I would imagine this means that Veers winds up with prosthetics that serve the function of getting him back in the field, but aren't actually designed for him (not to mention the fact that the Imperial Healthcare System probably isn't super focused on Patient Health and Safety, and not getting into the cost aspect of this – Veers is valuable enough to build prosthetics for, but is he valuable enough for top of the line durable materials when he almost died in battle once already and canonically keeps getting sent on suicide missions? Probably not).

The Force. In at least some iterations, Vader relies extensively on the Force to do even basic things such as “moving his heavy limbs” and “not being in excruciating pain all the time” - I seem to recall reading that Palpatine uses Vader's suit to ensure his apprentice is too distracted by pain to have the energy to overthrow him, and that the only part of Vader that wasn't in pain all the time was his original bionic hand from AotC. If Veers, who isn't Force sensitive, has prosthetics designed in a similar way to Vader's suit but no way to compensate for it, it's going to take a hell of a toll on him. Also, if Vader hasn't strangled the doctor for hurting him yet, then Veers is probably just making shit up (or so a doctor or medical droid might assume)

Lifestyle. Veers is physically fit and does a lot of different activities with his legs (yes including “wrestling” Tiaan) – he travels to different planets and terrains with different gravities, he runs, he jumps, he plays sports – whereas Vader... doesn't. This contributes to what the prosthetics actually need to be designed to withstand (Veers isn't going to be doing spacewalks with only his prosthetics, but he's also not going to want to walk stiff-legged and menacingly all the time). Additionally, if your system is calibrated to a specific height/weight/body temp/whatever, that's going to change slightly over time – but its going to change a lot more in Veers; Vader has a self -contained air supply with scrubbers for removing pathogens, a feeding tube, and minimal muscle mass that would change those parameters that the calibrations would be accounting for, but Veers might, say, decide to take up a new sport, or get the flu for three weeks, or anything else that could change his body dramatically enough to upset the equilibrium between him and his prosthetics.

I also wanted to do something with phantom pain and how it affects people who have lost limbs, plus play with the idea of how having something wired directly into the nervous system might have lasting consequences, which is where the ONCP comes from. Symptom and treatment-wise, I've loosely based it on thalamic pain syndrome (as suggested to me by the lovely @pianopadawan), although the underlying cause is very different.

If you've read though all that, thank you for coming to my lecture. Tune in next time for 'how long does it take for a Star Destroyer to restart the reactor from cold' and/or 'lets talk about mental healthcare or lack thereof in the Imperial Navy'

#my inbox #star wars meta #stuff i wrote #fic meta

[lampochkaart]

in regards to your danganronpa asks;

#13 and #14?

Hi, anon! Thank you for the question. Sorry it took me so long to answer😅

13. What is your OTP?

My OTP is probably obvious, it's Oumota. But I also wanna list some of the other pairings from all the games.

From THH I think I enjoyed Aoi and Sakura's relationship the most. However you interpret it, they really form an interesting and kinda unexpected duo. They really care about eachother and their story is very tragic💔

I kinda love Makoto x Kyoko x Byakuya as well. I think they have a very fun dynamic and should all hold hands and care for eachother (even though some might not want to show it).

Also, I like Tokomaru! They're very cute and I like how they supported eachother and helped eachother grow throughout the game!

From Goodbye Despair I think I love Komahina the most. I think they have a very complicated, but interesting relationship. I don't know how to properly articulate my thoughts about them, but I really enjoyed their interactions in game x)

I also like Hajime x Fuyuhiko, their dynamic is also really fun. I like how Fuyuhiko treats Hajime with respect, even though he himself is a yakuza, and even tells him, after Hajime's talent (or rather lack thereof) got revealed, that his opinion on Hinata didn't change a bit. They're kinda similar in a way, and I think they can really get along.

From DRV3, well... I think you only have to take one look at my blog to easily tell that I LOVE oumota. They are literally my everything!! I love them so much!! They have such an interesting dynamic. They are polar opposites yet they have so much in common. They have a lot of shared interests and they can really challenge eachother's worldviews. Also, willingly or not, they've become a really important part of eachother's lives. I think, even though they have a lot of conflicts with eachother, they can find a middle ground, not fully agreeing with other's point of view, but accepting and respecting it. I think if they unite, they'll literally become unstoppable💜💫

Honestly, I could talk about them for ages...

Other ship from V3 that I really like is Saimatsu. Although Kaede wasn't there for long, the interactions they've had were really sweet and heartwarming. Plus, I enjoy their contrast in personalities and designs. And I now always think of them when I hear Clair de Lune💔

I also lately found myself kinda interested in Amamatsu. Their interactions in game are really fun, and they seem to enjoy eachother's company. I was neutral to this pairing, but some fanfics made me really like it.

Also, I've come to really like Tenmiko for the same reason. Even though Tenko's obsession with Himiko is kinda weird, but in Chapter 3 we see, that she really cares about Himiko and want's to help her become more open and active. And Tenko actually is important for Himiko. Too bad she realised it too late. But because of Tenko Himiko actually tried her best to improve. It was hard for her, very hard, but she put all the energy she had to try to become the person Tenko would be proud of.

14. What is your NOTP?

I don't think I have any pairings that I actually hate (with exeption of obvious fucked up shit like pedophilia and incest, but that goes without saying). But there are several ships that I'm not a huge fan of.

One of them is Hyoko x Mikan, it just makes me uncomfortable.

And also I'm not a fan of Saiouma/Oumasai. I don't really have an explaination. Any of the things I don't like about it are probably coming from me not liking this ship, rather than being a reason why I don't like it. So, just not my thing, I guess.

#not art #ask #lampochka rambles #the questions were simple and short but i took this as an opportunity to ramble about ships that i like oops

[ot3]

I really admire how eloquent you are when you explain stuff. Do you have any advice on how one could also write like that?

Sorry it took me awhile to get around to answering this one, I wanted to wait to answer it until I really knew what I was trying to say here. Which is, in essence, the advice I'm about to give you.

First of all thank you, this is a compliment that always means a lot to me because it is an area I put a lot of effort into. It's a skill that's learned like any other. But I don't think this is a writing skill, actually! I really feel like the key to learning how to express your own beliefs/perspective is interrogating them fully.

Basically when you are explaining something to someone, you are explaining your perspective on that thing. Outside of the realm of the truly technical everything is subject to some degree of relativity. If you want people to be able to understand your perspective, it becomes necessary to understand exactly what set of filters you're using to process reality. This sounds pretty vague and abstract - and to a degree it is, because you're asking for pretty vague and abstract advice - but what I really mean by this is you need to understand not only what you think, but why you think it. The 'why' of a lot of things is the critical part a lot of people miss when they try and express themselves.

The way we come to develop our thoughts and opinions is often a very instinctual and unexamined process, which is why then explaining them to other people can feel like such a daunting task. But no belief springs out of nowhere. There is a certain underlying pattern of logic responsible for any and all conclusions your brain draws, and once you understand this structure it becomes almost trivial to explain it to other people.

In general, I've also just found it really helpful to try and understand my own thought process even outside of trying to explain anything. it really demystifies a lot and helps you engage with life more actively and critically. I make a habit of not doing things unless I know why I'm doing them. It all ties together into becoming just more aware and articulate. Best of luck!

[residentdormouse]

Reiterating those Rogue ‘R’ Words

I will reluctantly but respectfully relinquish the reins on the ‘r’ alliteration and renounce any reclaim, regardless of ‘Resident’ reoccuring in my repertoire. In retrospect, your ratio of resounding ‘r’ rhythms ring more readily than my own. Remarkably, even with more reserves running rampant, I’m rubbish at rounding up the required rolling resonance. Maybe I should rethink my rapport with the reverberation before rescinding my right and reaping any resulting repercussions, but really? Any further redundant repetition on my part would be rudimentary at best.

(I’ll give you the “r”s @mrsmungus , not sure I can find any good alliteration using them in mine; I just like saying ‘Fuck off, Flagg’😂)

My Words: Rather, Rest, Reveal, Road, River

Your Words: Support, Scared, Sincere, Star, Safe

If you feel inclined to join, don’t hesitate to ‘@’ me! -OPEN TAG-

Rather

(I thought I used this more than I did. Weird. Ah well, a lot of them are very spoiler-ish, so this is the least of the bunch I think? TW referenced drug use in case that’s an issue.)

“Both of us. Attachments only cause problems.”

“You really are full of shit, you know that? Problems? Pretty sure the way you're living, causing problems is exactly what you're doing right now. Fucking people you consider desposable while doing coke in the back of clubs. You’re saying attachments are more problematic than that?! That makes zero–”

“Because people leave, Harold! They die!”

And there its was, the raw nerve that needed the walls, that required her to wear a mask. Running from a past that would never leave her.

“So you’d rather not even bother, then? Hm. I guess, you just didn’t seem like the type.”

Everything stopped. Her movements, expressions, breath. She was frozen until the words were fully actualized.

“What did you say…”

“Being afraid, playing it safe. Hiding away. Never would have guessed that was the real you, Max.”

The rise and fall of her chest was staggered, and he could tell she was doing her best to control herself. After a few moments, she let out her short but articulated reply.

“Fuck. You. Harold.”

Rest

"Mother Abagail said that we need to have faith. I'm not sure what's beyond here. God. An afterlife. Heaven. Hell. I don't have much faith in all that. But I have faith in you. If this is going to be successful, you'll need to be ready for him."

He put a hand on her cheek, and her shoulders slumped down, head leaning forward to rest against his. A brief moment passed before he urged her to look back at him. Still wet, her eyes shimmered, but held anything further at bay.

“So what do you say, Giggles? Give this another shot?”

She nodded her reply, took a deep breath, and adjusted herself into a comfortable position. She let her eyes close and let her mind focus solely on his words in the moment.

Reveal

(I can only use one sentence because both before and after are spoiler heavy, but its a reference to a canon joke, and it made me laugh when I read it.)

Teddy fired a couple shots, finally revealing the gun he had yet to shoot his dick off with.

Road

(Road and rest in one go - double whammy.)

“Ah, c'mon, nobody saw that coming… Come here,” he held out his hand to her, and she pushed the blanket to the side to take it. In a quick movement, she was pulled up and wrapped in a hug. Her head rested on his shoulder, and she couldn’t argue; this warmth was prefered to that of the blanket. As she continued to regulate her breathing, he continued with his thought. “You can’t just stop all the bad things from happening. Bad things happen to good people, for no good reason, all the time. You can only try to help, and I think you are doing that more than you’re giving yourself credit for. So no, it's not for nothing. Who knows how much worse it would be right now if you didn’t try. No sense going down that road.”

The speech gave her thought; who knows, really. But somehow she couldn’t shake the feeling that this was how it was meant to be, that she was fighting a losing battle.

“It's what he said… I’m afraid of who I was, failing at who I am, and I’m not able to help anybody…just wasting energy on dead men.”

He pulled back slightly, holding her by the shoulders, looking directly in her eyes, searching her face.

“You’re letting him get to you is what you’re doing. Don’t give him that.” He gave her a kiss to the forehead, and she leaned into him again. “Let's get some rest though, this is going to be top of the agenda for tomorrow's meeting.”

“So much for enjoying the win tonight…”

River

(Only two instances of River between both stories. This ones in reference to the song ‘The Humbling River’, which I definitely listened to more than I should have while writing this.)

"You sure about that? You think I don't know your type? Haven't gone rounds with a few tough guys that thought they were some kind of hot shit? Rough exterior, but all raw nerves underneath."

"Lot of assumptions you're making."

"You want to tell me I'm wrong?"

Her eyebrow arched to further advance the question, but there was no response from him. "Nobody here's going to hold you to your past beliefs or practices. Past mistakes. We all have our demons, blood on our hands. Some more than others. As long as you're making an honest effort to change, want to change... Well, what you were back then, it isn't the only path forward, and you might be surprised what you’ll find on others."

"Hmm, again with the mission statements. You all pitch it alot…"

"Not really. Only have to pull it out for the stubborn assholes who think they can do everything themselves.” This time she wasn’t waiting around for a response; he heard it or he didn’t. It was, however, a calculated strike, and she was rarely wrong about these things. She breezed past him into the kitchen to pull the curtains. “Never gonna make it over the river that way. Alone. You need help, and you have an opportunity here. One I'm sure you're not getting anywhere else."

Lack of an immediate answer told her she hit a spot.

#readers are rolling their eyes #mouse's tag games & reblogs #riding the train to alliteration station

[onewomancitadel]

002 with reylo :)

Hi anon thank you for playing along with me (: fic ask meme for those who want to play along and reblog

When I started shipping them:

Omg so I wasn't a SW fan, Dad liked the films but Mum always made fun of Luke and I don't think I ever sat down and watched any. I had this sort of friend I met at a music festival who was emotionally... complex and he had a fixation on getting other people to like the correct things (there's a whole backstory with him) and one of those that he worked on with me was SW, so he forced me to watch TFA.

I did so at his behest and er, yeah the forest scene/bridal carry was what did it for me. I was totally enamoured with it and still am to this day, I couldn't fully articulate it at the time but the Death and the maiden vibes were what I was all over.

It touched me on a very deep level that Kylo Ren forewent the practicality of the droid and took the girl instead (in his ARMS). There was so much there that did it for me from there, the interrogation scene where Rey overpowers Kylo was certainly compelling and so was their snow fight (that scene where she closes her eyes when their lightsabres are parrying... beautiful) - in fact there's so much material in TFA lol - so that told me a lot about their dynamic and why it was meaningful, but on a pure emotional level that really touched me.

Made that friend (not a friend anymore) very upset for liking SW incorrectly. Lol

My thoughts:

Everything that could be said about Reylo has been said and there's still yet more to say. It's my yardstick for other ships. Does it touch me on a deep emotional spiritual level? Does it make me swoon? Does it make me cry? Does it explain everything about the story? Is the belonging you seek not behind you, but ahead?

What makes me happy about them:

Forget the droid, we have what we need. I can endlessly quote Kylo Ren and I absolutely adore him and Rey. I just love how they answer each other's wounds and that both of them are really dead-set on what their role in the story is (uncomplicated good girl and painfully evil and intimidating bad guy) and it's so hilariously not what they are meant to be at all. I love Kylo Ren when he's around Rey and I love Rey when she's around Kylo Ren, I love them figuring out stuff about each other, I love how angry he makes her, I love how inquisitive he is, I love how much the dynamic is more complex than at first glance, I love the emotions, the brilliant, brilliant, brilliant hope.

I love what the fandom taught me and I love what the dynamic taught me about my personal taste and allowed me to start liking stuff. I'm a very insecure person and I didn't even have the capacity to fully enjoy things lol. Things that make me happy are bad. So unlearning that is hard and in my fandom life that started with Reylo.

What makes me sad about them:

That they didn't end up together with fat Jedi babies and heal the cosmic wound... that very sadly we got Reylo textual and canon, which was a win, but a Pyrrhic victory - Rose was written out, Poe had racist stereotypes attached to him, whatever the fuck they tried to say with the Stormtroopers was tone deaf and stupid, much of the film was just anodyne, corporate commercial bullshit and it should have been a three-year film (like the previous two films) instead of two and had Rian Johnson directing it. Whether you like him or not doesn't matter because it would've at least been fucking coherent.

It took me a really long time to feel remotely okay about Reylo to think about it in a happy way at all, like probably only until very recently. I was very very very sad for a long time afterwards. When the premiere confirmed our worst fears I cried lol.

This type of mythic romance feels and felt really rare... but I know what I'm looking for now, and though I don't think there'll be anything quite like Reylo - that same cultural and fandom moment - I haven't completely lost hope because I've learnt so much from it and what makes romance magic for me.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me:

Hahhahaha. I hate Dark Fuck Prince Kylo Ren, I hate Kylo Ren being forced to prostrate himself at Rey's feet and her positioned as Superior Being, I hate bad redemption theory (war crimes? War tribunal? Locking him up and making him talk to Rey through bars? Kylo Ren never fully redeemed? Kylo Ren ostracised permanently?), I hate sunshine Rey and Rey not portrayed as messed up as she is in canon and Kylo Ren being the obviously broken one, I hate anything that smacks of copy-and-paste romantic dynamics in general with the smug superior guy and the upstart bossy girl who never has any struggles except being just the right amount of sexy but not slutty (and still virginal, but the guy isn't) which is usually auxiliary to Dark Fuck Prince, I hate rivals-to-lovers... it's quite a list but it's a huge fandom with varying interpretations, made harder by the fact that TFA really led to a lot of people jumping to conclusions about the dynamic and running with familiar archetypes that were not there.

Things I look for in fanfic:

Soft Ben and Rey, Ben and Rey who are both in pain and vulnerable, brooding but not smug Ben, Rey being recognised as Ben's equal, good redemption theory (salvific mythic redemption with Ben fully reintegrated... I can only think of a few canonfics like this), anything that gets Ben's poetic voice right but also his casual voice and his tinge of sardonic humour shared with hers, fic that respects Ben's microexpressions as Kylo Ren - he does not smile and barely moves his face, communicates through his eyes,

but he does when he's 'Ben',

fic that respects that Ben respects Rey... I'm not necessarily looking for particular tropes or archetypes, I'm looking for the canon dynamic (canon with TLJ in particular that respects that Ben and Rey would not go back to being completely cruel to each other) but I read any setting.

In fact off the top of my head a lot of fanfics I've genuinely really enjoyed and touched me on a deep level were not canon-setting, and I think that's in part because writing effectively a third film is very hard as a fic author when something that is mythic might be out of your boundaries as a fic author, and it's a LOT harder to get right. So really I applaud any fic author that tries to do that whether or not we see eye to eye. Onya.

My wishlist:

People to stop being so weird about Reylo and enemies-to-lovers. It's okay to dislike it, just don't moralise it as an issue or make fandom fucking inhospitable for a lot of people and be so disrespectful to people with basic fucking interests.

I don't have any wishes for canon itself. That book is closed. There is absolutely no way they undo the third film and what it did and no way to redeem the wound. I doubt Adam Driver would come back for it because he signed up for SW under the understanding it would not devolve into schlock. Really you can't ignore the injustice done to the other characters with TROS either, so it's not a Reylo happy ending that's needed. What TROS was told us what the storytelling landscape is like now in commercial fiction: barren.

I don't think they can fix it unless they learn how to tell new and thoughtful and individual stories that make textual sense.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

No. Absolutely not. Never. No one else. Rey is not boon for any of the characters. Poe does not get Jedi pussy (I've never had such singular spite for a writer, but fucking hell Colin Treverrow's script for the would-be third film was appalling). The romance is the thematic point of the Sequel Trilogy, it's the redemption, it's justified by virtue of it being Star Wars. When you canonship and the ship is so hard canon and the canon is the ship it just can't be written any other way. The only other way it could be written is if Kylo Ren is not fallen to the Dark Side and Rey is not the protagonist. You only get the effect of her nobody-status in respect to the Skywalker scion and prodigal son.

Finn would have to be the protagonist. They would really need to capitalise on the angle of the First Order Stormtrooper discovering himself and I wish that there were more of that in the first film or it could've conceivably been its own series but that would be asking for an original story, wouldn't it.

I think this is where the parlance for shipping gets muddy because once you've got a reading of canon intertwined with your ship it's not really just shipping anymore.

My happily ever after for them:

Fat Jedi babies, green Jakku, Jedi Order but with marriage, fully redeemed Kylo Ren/Ben Solo, Ben Solo's tentative and awkward and funny friendship with the Good Guys, full reconciliation, Rey not alone having found her belonging and completed her Heroine's Journey... you know.

It could've been so, so, so easy. I really don't understand how they didn't see the cashgrab there because selling Ben Solo hanging out with Finn is something you could've done in your sleep. They fucked it. They completely fucked it. All of my belief in the hope of pop culture, commercial storytelling, and good storytelling being able to exist died. I don't think franchises can do it; you can't make transformation and you can't stake any meaning. They wanted to turn the Skywalker name into a superhero mantle and they FUCKED IT.

So it taught me that at least and now I know. But I wanted them to be happy together. I wanted a happy ending. I wanted to believe in something good.

I watch this fanvid near weekly, near daily. It's basically the only thing that makes me feel okay about Reylo lol. It's my deep cosmic emotional wound, if you will, and it needs healing...

#seraphina's asks #user: anonymouse #fandom meme ask game #<3 #reylo for tag blocking

[harocat]

how can you like nathan chen so much when he has said some homophobic stuff?

He made a foot in mouth reply to a very awkward question. I even understand the sentiment he was going for, but it did not come out as he no doubt wanted it to and he said some things he shouldn't have. He took the weekend, talked to lgbtq friends and skaters to try to understand, and issued an eloquent apology where he never ONCE tried to justify his statement, act like people misunderstood him, etc. like 90% of other 'apology' vidoes we see do. He fully owned up to his words, and made a promise to learn more and do better.

He has been in the public eye for years. He's always been eloquent, an excellent sport, and he's expressed genuine concern and care for social justice issues. He's a human being, and human beings aren't perfect. We have to constantly learn and unlearn things. If I had been in the public eye in my teenage years and early twenties, I'm sure I would have been caught with my foot in my mouth as well, at at least one point. My only hope would be that people didn't judge my entire character based on that one moment. As a marginalized person himself, he's had to deal with prejudice his entire life. I have no reason to believe, based on his other behavior, that he did not take this as an opportunity to learn about different prejudices that other people face.

For me it's far more bizarre to fully condemn someone for one poorly worded interview, when they have had a history of being for all intents and purposes, a pretty f*cking good dude. We need to stop expecting everyone to spring into the public eye fully formed, free of anything problematic, and with the ability to articulate every thought they have without ever screwing it up. I don't truly think a lot of the people being offended are genuine, because if you already hated the guy so much you're clambering for reasons to justify that hate, you're 500% not going to look at this from a nuanced or mature perspective.

#anonymous

[wannabeallrounderonli]

sat, 9 oct,

learning to accept

I don't remember the last time I posted, but a lot happened since then.

Results were declared, I didn't make it to my favourite uni and it took me innumerable gloomy, heartbreaking nights, a few sad playlists and too many doughnuts with some serious deep life talks with myself to come to an acceptance for my reality. It hurt, real bad, so much that even a thought about it would drench my eyes, but somehow I couldn't digest it that I'll be spending another four years with my family, studying some engineering sh*t, while my friends would be out, enjoying their freedom. I was happy for them, I still am, but I was so dejected that I didn't know how to celebrate their success.

I wouldn't deny I tried channeling my sorrow to many unhealthy habits, but none of them helped, duh. So one fine day, I decided to pick my dusty ukulele that had been waiting for me for months, and I realised how relieving and therapeutic singing was to me. I got into reading, (which still seems impossible to the past me, but it's true, it's just about finding the right book, and just let the resonance happen), it helped too, I also met someone who was suffering from a fatal illness, and talking to them made me realise a lot of things that many of us fail to pay attention to for our entire lives, (I'm just 18 by the way, I don’t know why am I being so overdramatic about it, but anyway, continue reading). And so, I wanna share some stuff that I learned in the past few weeks, just incase there's some other overdramatic a** sitting behind the screen, just like me, looking for some help.

Morrie said, and I quote, "Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live. Learn to detach. Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent. Experience life, experience every single emotion, all the good emotions, all the bad ones. Detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you're able to leave it."

Emotions hurt, you have regrets, but it's all because you're stopping that emotion to be felt. It's in you, but you're busy pretending that it's not. You're rejecting a part of you, and you expect it to not hurt? As long as you're a good human, you can never fail in life. I agree I failed, not once, but countlessly, but it was a part of life, not the life itself, and strength to restart comes from the acceptance of failure, you become stronger when you can cry and say to yourself, 'failures are okay'. Be courageous enough to sit with that emotion, try to articulate it, dive into it, and only then can you say, "All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognise that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment."

It is okay to be yourself, it is alright to not be cool, it is okay if people aren't accepting of who you are, it is okay.

My blogs won't have some good college pictures, my college life won't be the way I imagined it to be, I'd be embarrassed to tell what college I'll be going to, I might not be studying some cool stuff like kids from elite colleges do, I won't be living the life I wanted to, but instead I'll be living the story of thousands of students who failed too but didn't give up. And that's who I am proud of. I don't need anyone to sympathise with me because I'm happy, to be trying to make the best of what I've got, I'm happy that I'm learning to accept myself, that I'm becoming more humble, that I gave myself the time to cry over what I didn't get and now I'm able to cherish what I received.

I don't think, anyone made it till here, but if you did, thanks a lot, and see you soon in the next. <33

Line/quote of the day: "बाबू मोशाय...जिंदगी बड़ी होनी चाहिए लंबी नहीं" ~Anand

#journaling #writing #emotions #acceptance #study space #learning #lessons learned #trying #motivation #inspired #thoughts #night thoughts #blue sky #little hope #im proud #self improvement #adulting #writerblr #writers of tumblr #engineering #studyblr #college #college life #study blog #loveyourself #k bye <3

[impalementation]

if you're interested, i'd love to hear your thoughts on That scene in empty places, bc the way that i've seen most people talk about it doesn't always feel very nuanced and like... i get being frustrated and i for sure think some extremely unfair things to/about buffy were said, but i don't think it's as cut and dry as buffy being totally blameless (even though i love her) and everyone else (particularly the main scoobies, who don't have her responsibilities but have fought alongside her and earned the right to disagree w her imo) being terrible. Like it may have gone too far?? But idk, I have trouble articulating why, but I think there's more nuance to the situation than people want to say, so I'm curious about your thoughts

Anonymous asked:

whats your take on empty places and the scoobs kicking buffy out of her house?

Anonymous asked:

Why did Buffy allowed Dawn to kick her out in Empty Places?

Wow, so many questions about “Empty Places”! Sorry, as ever, that these took me a while to get to.

I actually agree, I think there’s more nuance there than it’s given credit for. I talked about that a bit in this post a while back. I wouldn’t say that the character build-up to that scene is as well-executed as it could have been, but it hardly comes out of nowhere, and it’s not some random thing. Or, as I’ve seen people suggest, simply there to make Spike look good and push him and Buffy together. I’m sure their romantic arc was a factor in the storytelling, but to call that the only motivation seems to me a vast oversimplification and dismissal of ideas that were built over the course of the season.

Season seven is, as I’ve discussed before, about how the Slayer system is broken. It’s a system that isolates Buffy and puts all of the decision-making in her hands. Meaning that it’s a system that is neither good for her, nor good for anyone around her, no matter how strong and brave Buffy is. All season long, we see Buffy struggle with both the limits of her power, and the demands of her authority. She wants to be able to save every girl, and fight every ubervamp, but she simply can’t be everywhere and stronger than everything. She wants to be a caring friend, but when she’s the one who has to make decisions about whether people should live or die, she can’t always be. When she’s the one who has to make all the hard choices, that means the blame always falls on her shoulders. When she fucks up, there’s nothing for her to fall back on. The fact that Buffy is forced to be this kind of sole authority means that the people around her are right to feel that they aren’t being listened to, or fully considered. Because often they aren’t. They see the people around them getting maimed and killed and suddenly realize that maybe it isn’t right that all their eggs should be in Buffy’s basket. But at the same time, they’re wrong, because they’re the ones who put their eggs there. They’re the ones who kept looking the other way as Buffy made hard choice after hard choice on their behalf. They’re as complicit in (and victimized by) the broken system as Buffy is.

Keep in mind the season’s perception themes. Everyone gets mad at Buffy, and Buffy gets mad at herself, because they’re all too close to the situation to see that the problem isn’t really Buffy, it’s what being the Slayer has forced Buffy to be. The dynamic it’s forced between her and the people around her. Notice how in the very next episode, Faith finds herself dealing with the exact same problems that Buffy was. The same hard decisions, and the same ambient resentments. It’s actually very important that Faith has to be a leader for a bit, in order to show this--the fact that the problem is being the Slayer, not Buffy. I’d even argue that it’s the much more thematically relevant motivation for the scene than getting Buffy and Spike alone.

As far as thematic motivations go, I also think it’s crucial that Buffy is thrown out of her house. That is some powerful symbolism for a season that leans so hard into the symbolism of Buffy’s house in general, and it’s disappointing to see people ignore it in their eagerness to be mad at everyone. The house is a lot of things—the familiar, the stable, the normative, the safe—but most importantly it’s also Buffy’s self. Notice how Spike and Faith, both Buffy’s shadow at different times, hang out in Buffy’s basement: the realm of the id and subconscious. Notice how as the house breaks down, Buffy gets injured as well.

So for Buffy to be thrown out of her house, it’s the climax of the season’s isolation themes not just in terms of story, but also metaphor. She has literally been cast out of herself. She’s been banished from her identity and role. But at the same time, once she’s on the outside of that myopic, claustrophobic system, she is able to connect with her shadow (Spike) and see the situation with new eyes. The reason that Spike is the one who can talk Buffy back is that firstly, unlike the Scoobies, his later seasons arc is all about learning to not ask Buffy for things that aren’t appropriate--romantic reciprocation, moral structure. Secondly, he was once the tool and symbol of her isolation, the icon of her shame and guilt and belief that she needed to isolate herself. For her to make peace with Spike is about her rejecting that isolation and shame, and transforming it.

Of course, I can talk about symbolism all I want and it doesn’t necessarily matter if the writers didn’t make it believable on the object level too—the level of character and plot and all of that. It’s a regular problem on Buffy, the writing caring more about symbolism than sense. While I think that most of the characters have adequate motivation for the scene—really, it’s been building from the beginning; remember the confrontation between Buffy and Xander as early as “Selfless”? or Buffy fighting with Giles and Wood two episodes earlier? or the way she argued with everyone in “Get It Done”? or the Potentials doubting her from basically their first episodes?—the one character that seems truly undeveloped is Dawn. She got that warning from the First in “Conversations With Dead People”, but the season doesn’t follow up on it well enough to draw a clear line between that seed of doubt and her attitude in “Empty Places.” Given that Dawn is Buffy’s “humanity” or “youth” or what have you, it’s symbolically significant that she would be the final one to cast Buffy out. But that seems like a clear case of the story not earning its metaphor, unfortunately.

To answer the third ask: as far as why Buffy let Dawn kick her out, on a character level I think she was pretty defeated by that point. But symbolically, I think the part about Buffy’s human self rejecting her is important for that. Buffy has a tenuous relationship to her belief in her humanity at the best of times, so it’s pretty easy for me to believe that she would feel lost and numbed enough by being rejected by that part of herself, that she wouldn’t fight it.

(Controversial opinion, but I actually kind of like that “Empty Places” isn’t due to the First sowing obvious discord. I’ve seen lots of people suggest that that would have been the stronger and more believable choice, and I get the instinct. But if the point of the season is to show that the villain is the Slayer system, then it makes more sense for that to be the thing that drives the conflict, and not an external force influencing them. There might have been a way to use the First that was compatible with that, but it wouldn’t have worked if the problem was just The First. Imo, of course.)

All of which is to say, that if you see the season as being about faulty perception, broken systems, and the dangers of isolation, then “Empty Places” actually makes perfect sense as a climax of the season. The problem really comes down to whether you think it was earned enough (which in some cases I think it was, and in others it wasn’t), or generally handled well, and whether you think those ideas are interesting in the first place.

#s7 #askbox still closed for now but i'm working my way through the backlog!

[princessofgayskull]

For UWS both adora and catra clearly have a lot of trauma and struggle to deal with it. But I was wondering if either of their trauma is rooted in your own personal experiences? If that makes sense? I know this is probably a super personal question. So feel free to disregard it if it's something you don't want to talk about.

So I’ve been sitting on this ask for a really, really long time, but it’s because I wanted my answer to make sense (and other things that will come to light later). It wasn’t because I didn’t want to talk about it- I’ve always kind of been an open book when it came to my trauma and mental illness, mostly because no one usually asks and it was hard to get people to recognize and respect that part of me if I was constantly ashamed and hiding it.

tw: stalking, abuse

When I was writing upper west side I can fully say I had absolutely no fucking idea what exactly I was getting into. And I think that really shows at the beginning. As I found my footing, it became easier to pull from my own anxieties and draw from my experiences being mentally ill. Because that’s the story I was writing even if I didn’t know at the beginning- a story about mental illness that is the longstanding remain of unresolved trauma. Even though there were so many instances of my personal emotions (and unhealthy behaviors and thought patterns) in the stories, there was not a lot of my own personal experiences, if that makes sense.

Now- cruel summer is another story.

Cruel summer is going to focus on people who’ve hurt or been complicit in hurting Catra and Adora. (you can probably guess who these people are, but don’t worry, I’ve got a few fun surprises up my sleeve). I had a stalker from when I was twelve to when I was about 19 (we’re the same age). He was convinced he was in love with me and that we were destined to be the perfect mormon couple together. Super great to learn when you’re twelve. Anyway, he hung around and was psychologically abusive and I could not get anyone to believe that he was bad news. He was great at gaslighting, figures, and a personal favorite trick of his was to convince my friends he didn’t mean any harm and that I should just give him a chance because I was hurting him by telling him to stay the fuck away from me for like the tenth time that month, blah blah blah, it was a long time ago and obviously I’m not in contact with him anymore and thankfully safe, but now I just work out my issues through writing fictional stories.

Spop Season 4 is very hard for me because of this. Adora trying to convince Glimmer and the rest of the alliance that Shadow Weaver is bad news, not here to help them, and only interested in helping herself while at the same time being so emotionally compromised by her presence that she can’t articulate that in way that gets through was really real for me. 

This is an experience that will transfer over into cruel summer. That constant idea of “I do not want to be found- and for good reason, because there’s too many people I don’t want finding me.” Also, in connection to my stalker, I’ve got a whole heaping of religious trauma and wouldn’t you know? Noelle really provided everything for me and my fic therapy.

I hope that’s a good enough answer- especially considering it took me months to finally write one.... Sorry ‘bout that. 

#upper west side #upper west side: cruel summer #uws:cs countdown #tw: stalking #tw: abuse #sorry for taking like nine months to answer this #i was waiting for the perfect time whilst trying to figure out a good way to say this