#this is such a horrible situation Im just glad I got the chance to speak positively in this essay

[reel-fear]

Bendy And The Power Of Representation

So those graphic novel pages huh? Seems I posted my cover post at just the right time because literally minutes after I was informed the preview pages came out and uh. This is Buddy and Norman!

Oh dear... I'll put the full graphic novel pages down below but I have so much to say on how awful this is it'll need several posts. However, right now I want to mostly talk about representation and briefly touch on why it's so damn important + inform others about the current shit Mike and Meatly are saying about the books n such.

Now note: All the things I'm saying below are based on my personal experience, maybe some people don't care about seeing the representation of their identities in the media they consume. Maybe some will think I'm merely being dramatic and I might be but I'm not lying when I say I personally believe being represented and seen in the media you consume can be one of the most wonderful feelings in the world.

Look I'm not here to argue with people who think that Norman in particular was never meant to be a person of color, I would argue he is very coded but the points I'm making here are not about how Norman particularly had to be black. The point I want to make is the lack of diversity in our cast in general and how Norman's design has heavily dwindled it considering most people [including myself] rightfully assumed he was at least one of three black characters in our cast. Not according to this though and looking at the the rest of the pages our chances of seeing any kind of decent diverse character designs dwindle more.

So firstly... Buddy a character who has been said to experience discrimination for being Jewish, lacks any kind of ethnic features at all. That's... Cool but yeah I think this shows a rather grim future for the character designs as a whole.

Also, Norman... As I mentioned he was largely assumed to be black due to his southern dialect, his voice, and other factors. But nope, he's a generic white guy. With... Gross looking hair tbh...

Sadly this is not the first time the topic of poor representation has come up concerning Bendy either.

[note how he disregarded the other mentioned minorities and specifically cites LGBTQ+ characters]

This sucks as a response but sadly considering Mike's recent behavior it seems to fall in line with the Bendy team's general lack of care towards representing anyone who isn't straight and white.

So how did Mike respond to all of this? Well...

TDLR - "Who cares if the Graphic Novel we're selling to our fans for full price sucks, we now no longer consider the books canon."

This is horrible, I know Mike and Meatly are only really in this for the money, the fact BATIM is in the state that it is proved that, but they really couldn't have been less obvious about it?

So basically when it benefited them, AKA when it meant people would have to buy the books to understand important lore like Boris' identity... [the character you spend all of chapter 4 trying to rescue] They were considered canon... At least the author sure thought so.

Hell even in the tweet Meatly made here he doesn't say the books aren't canon, he just says they're not needed to understand Bendy's world. Now Mike is using that as a shield instead of doing the right thing and saying "You're right, the poc in our fanbase deserve better we'll have it fixed right away!" Like most reasonable people would considering how his studio has literally been accused of bigotry, poor rep, and general lack of diversity before. Why risk making more people avoid this franchise?

Also just... Imagine how insulting it would be to be an author who helps flesh out so much of this world and gives its characters depth like NONE of the games have managed to do, filling in plot holes, creating a timeline for events, etc... Then because they couldn't bother to change the graphic novel for ur story to be better they instead throw out all ur writing and declare it non-canon.

If I were her to put it bluntly I'd feel insulted and horrible. Why make her do all the work of making sure her works align with the timeline and game's canon if they're not part of it?

I can't speak for her obviously but Meatly and Mike know of her account, so speaking out against this could very much risk her being fired or at least not allowed to work on Bendy anymore... So I would take all her tweets on this situation with a grain of salt. She very much is not in a position where she could be honest if she was against this.

So with all that history now, the question I'm sure many are wondering is... Why does this even matter? Who cares how diverse the characters are when it doesn't affect the story?

Well for one thing, if you think like that consider having more empathy for your fellow human beings but also it does affect the story. One of DCTL's themes is about the bigotry of the period it is set in.

Now the Bendy team has managed to make the discussion of this book centering around their bigotry which is ironic in a way I almost find funny... Though this entire thing is just a bit too hurtful and upsetting to find any humor in, at least for me...

But another thing is representation can bring people such joy when it's done with care. It really shouldn't be understated how far it can go to make people feel more comfortable in their own sense of self to have a franchise choose to represent them and their experiences. I know this from personal experience.

Now if you've been following me for a while, you know I'm a big fan of Transformers. I no longer engage with it much due to baggage from the fandom's awful treatment of me, but before I left I remember being able to witness the release of Transformers: Earthspark first few episodes.

These introduced the Maltos the family who meets the Transformers and serve as our protagonists and guess what?

It's a family of Filipinos!

Now look I'm not Filipino, but I am half Mexican and I have a lot of love for that part of me. So seeing the representation of any Spanish culture in this franchise I loved made me so happy! I remember just watching the first episode I was happily telling my partner how fun it was to see people like me and my family in a world I love!!

But it didn't end with the Maltos in fact... There was another character who spoke to me, their name was Nightshade. Their pronouns are They/Them and they spoke about it on the show! Not just mentioning it and moving on but actually sitting down to speak about their experiences...

This clip in particular really turned them into an absolute favorite among fans and well... I'll let you see it for yourself.

This scene... Fills me with a joy I cannot describe. It is the creators of a franchise I love telling me they see people like me and find the stories of people like me important enough to include in this series. There really is nothing like being able to say there are Non-Binary characters in a franchise I have so much love for. I was far from the only one too.

This is amazing, this is wonderful, this clip and character were moving to so so many people and...

This is a joy the Bendy creators have no interest in giving their audience. They don't care how you feel as a queer and/or black person, which... Hurts...

I... Discovered I was trans while in the Bendy community... It was where I learned the word Non-Binary and started using it for myself. To me Bendy will always have that connection... But the devs themselves seem to hate the idea of being forced to actually represent that in their games... And I still haven't really gotten over that pain or betrayal if I'm being honest.

So...

With Norman now being portrayed as white here, we are down to two black characters. Thomas [who Meatly has claimed is white in the past] based on a vague conversation with Sammy in DCTL they could easily ignore... And Jacob.... A book exclusive character which according to Mike means he is non-canon.

If we don't count Thomas' vague talk with Sammy about disrespect as confirmation he's black [which the devs don't seem to think so] then we have one black character in all of Bendy... And he recently got retconned into non-existence. Great.

Look... The Bendy fanbase has always been full of wonderfully diverse designs for the staff and even more diverse people creating them. Bendy's fandom was built with the work of queer people from all kinds of places.

If the Bendy team continues to show how little they care for anyone who isn't straight or white... I wonder who they are counting on to buy this book or in general financially support their franchise?

I know right now, I am furious, I am hurt and I most certainly don't feel like buying a book that's currently just a massive fuck you to the fans and I hope I've expressed why I feel this way in an easy-to-understand way here...

Either way, I will not be forgetting this anytime soon and I hope the fanbase does the same. Maybe just maybe, if there's enough backlash to this series of horrible decisions they'll learn better.

Right now, it's kinda of our only hope for a better future, and if you know any poc who are into Bendy right now... Maybe consider making sure they're feeling okay.

I know from experience how much this sort of thing hurts, to have the creators of a world you love straight up tell you they don't intend to fix the fact no one in their stories represents your identity or life...

What I'm trying to say is...

This is a really low point for Bendy and its fans... Even more for the poc who have to witness such ignorant and careless attitudes from Mike and Meatly towards their feelings.

Please don't forget them when you discuss these tweets or this situation. That's exactly what Mike and Meatly want right now.

For them to be unrepresented and therefore... Unheard.

#batim #batdr #bendy and the ink machine #bendy and the dark revival #seriously though we cannot let this slide #ramblez #please please keep talking about this and why its not okay #Ive already had people saying to not be too mean or disrespectful to mike over this and to put bluntly #if mike is gonna be this blatently disrespectful to his fans he deserves whatever he fucking gets #this is such a horrible situation Im just glad I got the chance to speak positively in this essay #I mean not about bendy but I got to gush about how cool it is that transformers has a nonbinary character in it so that was fun #this is what Bendy could have and refuses to... Oh well more motive to make Showtime ig #but seriously what is the point of supporting these indie devs if theyre gonna be just as horrible abt this shit #as their corporate competitors #at several points bendy just feels like every other horror game out there but worse #its so so so frustrating

[pebiejeebies]

ISNT IT FUNNY? - Poll below.. read warnings please.

TW: Curse words, Full caps, Vent/Rant (I got very angry here.. sorry)

(If you are sensitive to the topic of LGBT, Alterhumanity, Vents/Rants, please do not read.)

Before you read, understand that most of what I say is an example, nothing more, nothing less. And I support and love Alterhumanity and LGBTQ+ equally, no more, no less. And If I worded something wrong, do tell!

Im glad to hear you two aren’t actually mad at me.. (Talking specifically to @chocolatespyro and @thelittleprinceconfirmed , but this is for everyone, don’t leave yet!)

I kinda feel like a little child or something— you know, for telling me I’m not wrong.. hah.. but eitherway thank you both for explaining what’s right and wrong, I “sorta” thought I did like a HUUGGGEE horrible thing so like I took a moment alone for a bit, then I came back to your very calm words.

I’m never used to people talking to me so.. nicely, (especially in a sensitive topic like this) that’s why I might fuck up and say I messed up even though I had the complete right to speak. (Which shows in my “apology” post, I literally deleted everything cause I thought it was a stupid idea to talk about)

Sigh, I guess since it’s fine from the both of you, I guess I can talk about it again. Honestly thank you for comforting me and such. I expected WAAAAAAYYYY worse.. (haha trauma go brrr) but yeah, back onto the topic.

(THIS IS THE START OF THE TOPIC IF UR UNINTERESTED IN WHAT I SAY FOR THEM <;3)

The topic (if you didn’t know) was basically about how people reacted towards LGBTQ+ and Alterhuman coming out situations..

(I think if you go to my profile and use #my polls you might find a broken and messy reblog of it, cause I deleted the text/poll aha..)

Let’s do an example, shall we? (NO HATE TOWARDS LGBT. JUST AN EXAMPLE)

We all love it when we hear the appreciation posts say: “Be who you are! Never hide your true colors! Show yourself to the world! Never be scared to shine!” And so on.. but why do I feel like it’s mostly aimed for humans (aka LGBT), not Alterhumans.. (IK THERE ARE APPRECIATION POSTS FOR THEM/GEN)

If an Enby came out to their parents, (like in America or a country that supports lgbt) there’s a good chance they’d be supported by their parents, or friends, or both! (WHICH IS VERY GOOD, DONT TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY!)

But alterhumanity has an issue with that, (Still in America or a country similar to it) if I ever said to my parents that I was a therian and a fictkin, they’d either laugh thinking I’m joking or smth, or they’d think I’m out of my religion for being an Alterhuman (WHICH IS COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC! SEARCH IT UP!) I researched so much for a good week or two, learning about therianthropy and fictkinity, and it doesn’t even affect your religion! Satanist? You can be a Alterhuman! Christian? You can still be Alterhuman! Etc etc..

It is an Identity, you identify as an Alterhuman, just like how you would identify as a part of the LGBT!

(Keep in mind that I know what LGBTQ+ people go through, and I’m so proud of them for fighting back all this horrible hate)

Back to the main issue, which was the “Coming out” issue. like I said earlier, if you came out as an enby you’d most likely get good treatment, like flags around pride month, and freedom of expression! (And Like hearing people use your pronouns, which probably feels so great <3)

Now let’s look at alterhumanity.. If I wore a tail or ears out in the public.. will I get the feeling of “Be who you are! Never hide your true self!” In those painful stares of disgust and shame? If I ever hissed “accidentally” in public, wouldn’t they just make fun of me? (Which.. sadly happened once.. never again.) and so on..

What’s my point you say?

LET. EVERY. CREATURE. EXPRESS. THEMSELVES.

Where is the equality everyone talks about?! Have you seen how much HATE VIDEOS of THERIANS, OTHERKINS, AND SUCH?! It’s RIDICULOUS.

It only infuriates me because you (not targeted dw) say “Be who you are! Never hide! Show yourself to the world” then go all “What the fuck are you wearing.. are you a cat boy?! Cringe asf..” or “You do know ur human right?” OR ONE OF THE MOST INFURIATING THINGS TO SAY TO US “You wanna get treated like wild animals? I’ll get my shotgun and hunt you down lolol”

Aaahhaha funny indeed! (I might be overthinking again, sorry)

You don’t see enbys (NOT TARGETED. ITS AN EXAMPLE) Get called “You know you’re human right?” Yet every day (not literally) I see a new post on therianthropy hate, mocking of them walking on all 4s or showing their beautiful howls/roars/meows/squaks.. etc etc.. (This sort of happens to furries as well, they are so misunderstood. </3)

It’s frustrating when I show myself to this world after they ASSURE me and TELL ME ITS FINE.

then all I get is a

mocking

stare

of

DISGUST.

even after they say “I’ll never judge you”

(Take a moment to breathe, and think about this so far, I don’t want you to get tired because of me, <3)

Sigh. I guess this accidentally turned into a vent/rant (since I was more comfortable talking about it.. makes sense I guess)

Now, the thing you (probably) came here for.. The Poll.

(Be a little more detailed in your opinion please and explain if ur talking to me or not/gen, and please reblog/nf so more people can vote/nfnfnf)

Thank you for voting/reading (I like looking at statistics, that’s why I made a poll btw.)

Here, have a cookie for being so patient!

🍪

#Alterhuman #LGBT #otherkin #otherkinity #therian #therianthropy #alterhumanity #kin #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #lgbtq #queer #therianthrope #therian community #therian things #nonhuman #bird therian #canine therian #cat therian #feline therian #wolf therian #foxkin #alterhumans #alterhuman community #Fictionkin #kinity #Fictkin #fictkinity #Fictionkinity #Demonkin

[it-was-summer]

When I’m Away (Aged Up!Five x Fem!Reader)

Requested: Yes! Im so glad you guys enjoy my writing and support me! 

Plot: It was basically Five and fem!Reader were best friends and in love and when he jumped, she ended up in the apocalypse together with him. He finally confessed. A few years down the line they got married (as best as one can in an apocalypse xD) and eventually made it home together slightly aged up. Five was always insecure about the fact that he made Reader suffer though even accidentally. It was his biggest regret but most selfish happiness. Post-apocalypse saving, he overhears a conversation Reader is having with one of the other Hargreeves (Klaus, Allison or Vanya come to mind) and misinterprets it/mishears it. He thinks Reader regrets being with him and was truly miserable all this time and that crushes him inside. He starts doing his best to make things happier for her but also makes himself scarce. In a life or death situation, he ends up putting himself in the line of fire for her and before he passes out from the wounds, he whispers an apology to her with tears in his eyes and that he wishes that she can have a second chance now that she's young again. Of course Reader doesn't understand at all what he means and Five refers back to what she said and that's when she realizes what he means and that he misunderstood. He ends up blacking out before she can clarify his fears though and her next week is hell because she's so afraid Five won't wake up and will die thinking she never loved him. When he does she sobs, and she finally tells him that he misheard her and that she loves him and wouldn't trade her life with him for anything. (Right up my ally) Just because you wanted them aged up, I made the two of them 18, I hope that is okay!:) I hope that you like it!! @oceanspray5

Word Count:2623

You couldn’t really remember how it happened. The only thing you could remember is a flash of blue appeared and then a boy was there, in a mask. Everyone knew about the Umbrella Academy, you would be lying if you said that you had no idea who they were, but you did indeed recognize the emblem on his uniform. It was weird, however, that he was standing in your backyard. He stared at you, struggling to find something to say before you shrugged and said “Maybe the calculations were off.”

After that he would occasionally pop in without the mask, inviting you out with him when his family was too much or when he was feeling lonely. You didn’t mind, it was nice to have a friend. It was nice to have someone to talk to, even if that someone was sometimes a little too blunt.

The two of you sat on a park bench in the middle of the afternoon, sunshine shining down on the two of you when you spoke up “You seem less snarky today.”

“Less?”

“Yes,” you nodded, still waiting for him to say why he was in such good spirits, but his answer never came. You didn’t pry, you knew that eventually he would say something, but right now was not the time.

His friendship came easy, it was like learning how to walk. You didn’t need to remember how to walk, you just knew you could. That’s how it felt to be friends with Five, he was like a walk in the park. It was your feelings that came second, crashing down on you like a piano, leaving you bewildered and wounded.

You never said anything, thinking that it was just a mindless crush that would eventually disappear, leaving things to continue as they normally did. However, you couldn’t help but notice how bright his smile was, how lovely his hair looked, or how he had dimples. None of that made you want to confess, the only thing that made you want to confess is when he would reach out for you. When his fingers would brush against yours in silly moments of bliss, that’s when you felt your chest deflate, leaving you in desperate need for air.

It was Summer, green decorated the world and colors swayed in the hot wind. You watched from the front door of the Hargreeves door. You knew that today was the today. You were just simply waiting for a moment. You were waiting for his schedule to be clear. It was supposed to be clear after lunch and you knew that, so you were here at one in the afternoon, waiting. You were playing with the hem of your shirt when the door opened in a violent fashion. Your eyes gleamed and you stood straighter, but that’s when Five ran past you. You followed suit, ignoring his warnings as he started his own personal mission. You lept towards him, in an attempt to grab hold of him, succeeding only to be surrounded by blue lights. You didn’t let go till Five stopped running.

It was hard to breathe, that was your first thought. You couldn’t seem to get a deep enough breath. Five was screaming, frustration filling up his senses as he tried to escape this hell. Then he ran, back in the direction of the umbrella academy, back to his home. You stood still, noise becoming obsolete as your soul left your body. You felt as if you watched yourself follow Five, you didn’t speak, you didn’t cry. It was only when Five turned to you with a panicked face and teary eyes that you felt your soul return, running over to him and holding him tightly as the two of you sobbed in the wreckage.

Surviving with Five was the easy part, he was your best friend so of course it was easy. The hard part was remembering. Sometimes you would have dreams about home, about your family or friends, sometimes you would even dream about growing up with Five. Growing up normally, as normal as the two of you could be, given how one out of the two of you was especially gifted. You dreamt about school life with Five. Going to prom with Five. Something normal and desperately sweet, but then you would open your eyes and you would be in a crumbling house, feeling hopelessly lost.

It was getting colder and you were looking for something to burn that seemed relatively dry when Five flashed in next to you. “Need help?”

You smiled up at him, giving him a tiny nod as the two of you started to walk into piles of rubble. “Do you ever dream about what could have been?”

“What could have been?”

“Yes,” you picked up a wooden plank “, Sometimes I dream about us, I dream that we met normally, like in the movies.” You explained as Five stared at you. He bit his lip and held his hand out towards you, letting you safely cross a ledge.

“No, I try not to.”

“Why is that?”

“Well, I think that if we were normal,” his hand lingered “, I think that things would be different.”

Your eyes locked onto his for a second before he bent down to pick up some branches. You looked away with a small hum “Maybe, but I think we would always find each other. In this lifetime and in others, I think it always had to be the two of us.”

Five swallowed hard, turning to face you. It had been months now, months since the two of you ended up stuck here, and yet you still seemed so lovely. Even when the entire world was gone, you were still his light. He decided then that, no matter what happened it had to be you. It would always be you. “Like soulmates,”

“If you’d like a definition, then sure, like soulmates.”

“Despite everything I believe in, I can find it in my heart that I have always loved you.” Your eyes became wide as you held the wooden plank closer to your chest, mind running rampant as you tried to string a sentence together in the midst of your astonishment. Five grinned, knowing that he must have said something right by the way your cheeks were turning a beautiful red. You let out a melodic laugh as you leaned towards him, pressing a small kiss to his temple, then whispering a sweet “I love you too.”

Your love for each other grew like wildfire with each passing day; each week, month, and year felt as amazing as the last. The depressing parts of the apocalypse were drowned out by kisses and days of being together. Days of surviving together. That was enough to make it all bearable. All the scorching hot days, the freezing nights and rationing seemed so little compared to how the two of you loved each other. It was a few days before the fortieth anniversary of the apocalypse when Five turned to you with the biggest smile you had ever seen on his face. “What?”You giggled lightly, pushing him softly in a lame attempt to get him to answer you.

“I found some candles and guess what started blooming,” he pulled you by your arm over towards a patch of dandelions. They weren’t exactly flowers, but you weren’t complaining.

“Lovely,” you sighed as a gust of wind blew through the two of you, Five’s mouth moving but you couldn’t make out the words until the wind settled and you heard him say “We should get married,”

It was something impulsive and unplanned. You knew that even with the paperclip rings the two of you managed to make for each other wouldn’t be legally binding, but it was enough. Marrying each other gave the two of you just an ounce of normalcy in the middle of the revived earth. It was enough to make the two of you feel good about the world again. Hope was slowly being restored and the two of you had hoped that this small union between the two of you would be enough to settle the horrible images that surrounded both of your minds every night. So with two small vows and “I do’s”, the two of you wore poorly constructed paper clips around your left ring fingers, proudly.

Now you were staring down at that same paperclip ring on a much younger hand. After escaping from the commission and running, you were addressing your situation silently in a fully furnished, not to mention, elaborate living room. You and Five had jumped back into time, and by some fault the two of you became eighteen again. You felt more alive, yes, but more anxious than ever. You wish the two of you had more time. More time to make up a plan for the apocalypse, a better plan. Five sat with his back against yours, muttering soft calculations in the silence of his home. You just wish the two of you had more time.

The time the two of you were running through a clothing warehouse was when Five first saw it. He saw how desperate your eyes looked. Given that the two of you were being shot at the time, but his mind traveled back to when you talked about normalcy. His heart tugged in his chest, seeing your panicked face move closer, grabbing hold of his hand tightly and yanking him under a countertop. Deep down inside Five always felt guilty for bringing you along, although it wasn’t willingly, his chest still felt heavy as the two of you escaped the warehouse alive. He wanted you to have a normal life, that’s all he wanted. He wished he could be normal for you, stable for you and above all be extremely and completely boring for you, so you could have that normal life that you clung to in your dreams.

You watched Five perform a dance you had never seen before, walking around the kitchen avoiding your stare from the table and escaping any attempts of conversation and he did it all with a sweet smile. One moment he would be talking to himself loudly down the hall, but as soon as he saw you, he sent you a sweet look and stopped talking all together. He seemed so strange, and yet you couldn’t put your finger on it. You were sure that he was just trying to figure things out the same as you, but he was worrying you.

You were walking around the house when you heard Klaus calling your name in a excited tone, he straightened when he saw you, bowed and then said “Mrs.Hargreeves,”

“Klaus,”

“How is the husband?” he asked as he sauntered over next to you, sitting on the couch before he patted the cushion next to him for you to take.

You sat with a tiny huff “He’s being,” you trailed off before saying “,Him.” You let out a defeated sigh as you heard Klaus laugh at your anxiety.

“He’s Five, he’s always been moody!”

“Yes, but he loves me.” You looked down at the paperclip wrapped around your finger with a groan “I think he’s just stressed, or something. He gets distant, yes, but usually he isn’t so happily ignoring me?” you vented before you brought a hand up to your forehead gently.

“Why did you marry him anyway?”

You grinned, feeling childish “Maybe, because he was the last man on earth,”  that was the last sentence Five heard before he walked away, locking himself back up in the room filled with equations. 

“I married him because I love him. I really do.”

Something you had learned at the commission was that a gunshot was less dramatic than it was on television, and the worst thing you learned was that the screen wouldn’t fade to black when things got gory. Now you were wishing you were in a movie, as the gun was pointed at you by Hazel, but instead of the bullet going through you a brilliant flash of blue took the bullet for you and Five was falling to the ground, bleeding out from his chest. You let out a scream, catching him before his body could touch the earth, holding him close in your lap as his siblings fought off the assassins.

“Five,” you said his name clearly, holding back tears as your hands were becoming red with his blood.

His eyes darted towards yours in a second and he smiled softly. “Hey,” you dragged him behind the bar, leaving a trail of blood behind the two of you “Hey, Y/N…” You looked down at the sound of your name, tears blocking your vision. “I’m sorry for,” he paused, eyes searching for the words as his mind became foggy and damp “,for everything really. Please, please stop this and maybe you can move on without me and be better. Be happier.” he said breathlessly as Grace rounded the corner at the perfect time.

“What are you talking about,” his eyes fluttered, fighting to stay conscious as he let out a tiny whine before he drifted off into a state of unconsciousness “,Five!”

Then next few days were absolute torture, you sat at Five’s bedside, waiting for some kind of sign that he would wake up. Grace said his vitals were fine, it was only a matter of time till he was awake, but that didn’t start the ball of anxiety from growing deep within your stomach, infecting all of you quicker than any virus known to man. He had to wake up. Did he truly believe that you could ever live without him? That you could ever do any of this without him? Five was the love of your life, your soulmate, the one person who was supposed to grow old with you… again. You were stuck in this body, feeling miserable as you stared down at your unconscious husband, begging to anything, to anybody, that he would wake up soon.

It was around three in the morning when his eyes opened, slowly, but surely they opened. The first thing he focused on was you, seeing the red around your eyes as you stared down at him. “Five,” you let out a heavy sigh, smiling with relief.

“What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean? I’m your wife, why wouldn’t I be here?”

“You only married me because I was the last man on earth,” Five’s fresh eyes filled with tears as he watched you let out a small sound of understanding.

“Is this,” you paused, your smiling dropping quickly “,Is this what all this was about? You heard me joking around with Klaus and you thought I was serious?” You questioned, feeling your heartbreak for the man you loved. “Five, my love, I love you with everything fiber of my being. I didn’t mean it like that. I would never leave you. I could never replace you, my love.” you leaned down, kissing his nose gently, giving Five a easy going smile as you pulled away.

Five swallowed hard as he looked up into your eyes, suddenly feeling foolish for how he was feeling. All the guilt he built up, watching you panic. It was because you needed him, you loved him. You couldn’t bear to lose him, just like he couldn’t bear to lose you. He let his tears fall “I’m so sorry, I thought you didn’t want me anymore, I thought-”

You shushed him softly “It’s okay,” you slid into the bed with him, holding him close as he calmed down “, It’s always been you. I could never love anyone else, it’s always going to be you.” You whispered sweetly to him, feeling his body relax into your embrace.

#number five #number five x reader #five x reader #five hargreeves #five hargreeves x reader #the umbrella academy fanfiction #the umbrella academy fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #tua spoilers #tua #tua x reader #x reader #The Umbrella Academy #the umbrella academy x reader #the umbrella academy oneshot #the boy #five #fluff

[rafecameron]

dancing on my own

request: Angst with no happy ending? How abt *insert actor/character* getting married and their ex (the reader) kinda 'forcing herself' to go to the wedding bc she really wants to see their mutual friends again but like doesn't wanna see the wedding. And reader just watching the love of their live get married and be happy with someone else and their heart silently being ripped apart? Too cruel?

pairing: ex!luke patterson x reader

word count: 2.1K

warnings: heartbreak, no happy ending

a/n: here you go cruel anon. turns out im not that great at heartbreak but hopefully this makes your heart crack a little bit. (also idk if people read authors notes but my requests are currently closed!) 

Y/N thought back on all the times she could have turned around. When she was getting into her car. When she reached the airport. When she queued to board the plane. When she checked into her hotel. When she began to get ready. Now she was facing the very last time she could turn around. Stood outside the venue, all dressed up with no one to walk her inside. But just like the times before, she didn’t turn around, she pushed on. Her heart breaking a little more with each step, she knew that surely by the end of the night there would be nothing left but crumbs. She had promised herself two things before this trip. Number one; she would not speak to him. Number two; she would not cry. She wasn’t entirely sure she would be able to keep either of the promises to herself, but repeating them in her head made her feel that little bit calmer.

She situated herself beside a table lined with drinks, helping herself to a flute of champagne. She was anxious for the doors to be opened so she could find a seat, somewhere in a corner at the back would suit her just fine. Out of sight of anyone who would surely recognise her, she had no intentions of engaging in conversation until the reception. But seeing as what was happening today she should have known it would be her unlucky day.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” a voice speaks beside her and she turns, landing eyes on someone she had not seen for far too long. His suit was tailored perfectly to his body, his long hair tied in a bun at the back of his head. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.” He pulls her into a hug.

“I wasn’t sure I would either,” she admits as she pulls away, “I wasn’t going to, but I wanted to see everyone...most people.”

Willie laughs softly, “I’m glad you’re here, sit beside me?” He asks, motioning with his head towards the doors that were being pulled open.

“Oh, I was just gonna sit in the back,” she stumbles over her words as Willie takes ahold of her hand, “Aren’t you going to sit with Alex?”

“He’s preoccupied.” Willie states simply, ignoring her protests as he pulls her towards the front of the room to take a seat in the front row.

She sighs as she sits down beside him. The sick feeling in her stomach growing as the room slowly became more and more full, people lining up on the benches and getting ready to watch the ceremony.

Willie reaches down and takes ahold of her hand again, giving it a light squeeze and offering a comforting smile, “You don’t have to stay.” He whispers.

“I do.” She nods, “I want to see everyone, I won’t stay all day but I need to at least say hello now I’m here.”

Willie nods his head, squeezing her hand one last time and patting her knees before turning back to face forward, the ceremony would be starting any minute and she found that her eyes were glued to the pattern on the floor.

For the entirety of the ceremony she didn’t look up. She didn’t want to risk meeting his eyes, didn’t want to see her friends sympathetic looks and definitely didn’t want to see the bride looking beautiful in her white dress. She tried her best not to listen, she couldn’t stomach hearing the vows and knew if she heard the words I do in his voice she’d cry. So she thought about anything else but what was happening in front of her.

She finally looked up when the couple was safely past her line of sight, eyes instantly meeting that of an old blonde friend. He gave her a wave, she was sure the smile was supposed to make her feel better but she just felt more pathetic. Why was she even here? She’s sure the invite was out of politeness and not an actual invitation to come. And if her friends were going to be tiptoeing around her and treating her like a porcelain doll she wasn’t sure she could cope. The nicer people were to her about this the more likely it was she would break down.

She didn’t want to think about it, about him, sure she was at his wedding but that didn’t mean this day had to be about him. She wanted to have a catch up with her friends, avoid her ex the whole night and then go back home, cry with a bottle of wine and forget this whole thing ever happened.

“I’m glad you came.” Alex says as he reaches her, pulling her into a hug, “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah, it’s good to see you too.” She responds truthfully, “Can we go to the reception? I think I need a drink already.”

Alex laughs, taking Willies hand in his own and leading the way towards the after party. The amount of people that were there she was sure she would be able to avoid the groom for the night. She found herself situated on a table with her friends, helping herself to a glass of wine and making sure the bottle was kept close to her.

No matter how excited she was to see her friends she found that now she was here she was finding it hard to hold a conversation. The group around her were still familiar with each other, still seeing each other and having things to talk about, she felt a little like a spare part. But still she smiled along and listened to their conversation. Something about a recent party they had attended where Reggie had drank a little too much, she laughed along with them unsure of what else to do. The more they spoke and tried to involve her in the conversation the more she realised she didn’t really know the people around her anymore. Sure she had good memories with them and she would always consider them her friends, but she didn’t really know them.

The best thing about weddings it that you can be invisible if you wanted to be. The bride and groom were always busy, everyone wanting to talk to them and congratulate them, and the drunker the guests got the easier it was to slip away from conversations and merely watch the scenes unfold. Which is exactly what she did. She watched her friends get drunk and progressively louder, not noticing anymore if she wasn’t joining in their conversation. If the night continued this way she was certain she would make it out in one piece.

She thought she was doing a pretty good job of avoiding the one person she feared seeing the most. But halfway through the night a hand landed on her shoulder and a familiar scent filled her nose. She felt her skin ignite where his fingers touched and she begged the butterflies in her stomach to go away, to fly away and disappear forever.

Turning in her seat she finally meets his eyes for the first time that night, forcing a smile onto her face as she stands up and allows him to pull her into a hug. Her heart hammers in her chest and she uses every ounce of will power within her to not shed any tears, she felt the epitome of pathetic. Wanting to cry at a wedding like she was in a bad romcom movie. Only if this were a movie she’d get the guy, or a second guy would come sweep her off her feet and make her forget the first one was ever there. She didn’t see that happening anytime soon.

“Thanks for coming.” Luke smiles, “You look great, that colour really suits you.”

She returns his smile with a tight lipped one of her own, “Thanks, you don’t look too bad yourself.” She attempts a light hearted laugh.

She looked away, she couldn’t stand looking into his eyes any longer, his gaze intense and stirring way too many different emotions inside of her. She wanted him to be horrible to her, to tell her to leave and never come back, not to tell her she looks great. How was she ever supposed to get over him when he was nothing but nice to her all the time. She wished he had done something at the end to allow her to hate him. Cheat on her maybe, or tell her he never loved her, then maybe she’d stand a tiny chance of getting over him and moving on with her life. Instead he was selfish and kept her at arms length because he knew he always could and that should have been enough for her to stay away, but she just couldn’t.

“Congratulations,” she looks back at him, eyes settling just above his to avoid his gaze, “You seem really happy, I wish you all the best.”

“Thanks,” he smiles and it’s genuine, something which breaks her heart a little more.

Of course she wants him to be happy, but a bigger part of her wants him to be happy with her and not anyone else. She knows that’s selfish, but that doesn’t stop her from trying to wish it into existence no matter how futile she knows it is.

“Have you met Jess?” He asks, placing a hand on her shoulder as though about to lead her somewhere.

“Oh, no I haven’t but she looks busy,” she quickly shrugs his hand off, the bride she could see from the corner of her eye, laughing at something another guest had said, “I’ll introduce myself later.” She lies.

The only thing she could think that would be worse than this wedding was having to actually meet the bride. To meet her replacement, the better version. The one who had stolen his heart and been worth enough to keep it forever. She forces a smile and excuses herself to the bathroom.

As she reaches the bathroom she can feel her eyes stinging, shutting herself in a cubicle she fans her face, determined not to let a single tear fall. She had made a promise to herself and the least she could do was keep it. She leant her head back against the door, letting out a shaky breath to compose herself.

Once she was sure she wouldn’t cry she exited the bathroom again, thankful to see that he was no longer at the table she had just ran from. She took her seat and no one asked where she had been or if she was okay, she was glad for that at least.

As the night wore on she thought she was doing okay, one little hiccup but no tears since, she’d even found herself genuinely laughing at a couple points. He’d spoken to her and she hadn’t thrown up on his shoes, he had no reason to try and speak to her again.

But then it was time for the first dance and she felt her chest tightening. Her calm composure being over taken by a sinking feeling of dread. She watched for a minute, watched him hold her close and smile. Watched him lean in to kiss her gently before spinning her under his arm and pulling her back in. She wished more than anything that it was her in his arms, her who he still looked at like the world shone behind her eyes. But it would never be her again, and his bride she was sure was far more beautiful than she could ever hope to be.

She watched as more dancers joined the floor, her friends among them. She tried to smile, but the sight was too much for her. Her friends laughing and dancing with their loved ones while she sat on the side lines and watched feeling like a stranger. The slow music a melancholy soundtrack to her emotions, reminding her of something she could never have.

She stands from the table, dragging her eyes over each person she knew, lingering on Luke for a moment longer before she turned and walked out of the room. She knew that this would be the last time she ever saw him, because she knew seeing him happy with someone else would be a slow form of torture. So she walked away, from him, from her friends forever, leaving whatever little pieces were left of her heart behind. By the time she exited the building she felt nothing more than a hollow shell and she finally let the tears fall.

tags: @lovesanimals @makebank @chrlsgillespie @crybabyddl @marinettepotterandplagg @caitsymichelle13 @kcd15 @kinda-really-lost @alexpjoyner @meangirlsx

#luke patterson x reader #luke patterson fic #luke patterson imagine #jatp fic #my writing

[quietrainfan]

Unsymptober Day 6: Mind Control

Trigger Warnings: Unsympathetic Patton, Mind Control, Forced self harm, Blood, Knives, Dehumanization, Verbal/Emotional/Physical abuse, Gaslighting.

Note: Beginning is after Accepting Anxiety and end is after DWIT.

Once Virgil had formed an understanding with the Light Sides, he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. Of course this didn't mean all of their feuds were resolved. There was still the issue of Janus and Remus needing Thomas to be aware of them and accepting them as facets of his personality. Not to mention the tense relationship between them and the Light Sides. Hopefully, though, this could lead to the Lights to open up to the idea of understanding Janus and Remus as well. 

 

The anxious side opened the door that served as a barrier in the mind palace between the Darks and Lights. Virgil couldn't help the amused smirk that stretched across his lips as the spooky- most would call absolutely terrifying- sound echoed from inside the long pitch black hallway, confirming that the thing entering was another Dark Side. Janus had put a protective spell on their door that had been there- since forever, really- as a precaution in case the Lights tried to sneak in. It was strong enough that even Virgil had a difficult time getting in every once in a while. Thankfully, though, Janus could sense when it was him and can let him in at any time. 

 

Virgil shut the door behind him, the usual yellow glow around the rimms flashed for a brief second before disappearing, leaving the anxious side in complete blackness. The lengthy hallway was freezing and there were always sounds of...something growing along the walls. Virgil was able to proceed without a care, though. Maybe it was because his purple irises that were made to help him see in the dark automatically switched on by instinct or that he was just used to the atmosphere of the Dark Side home. Probably both. 

 

"Hey, hey! Look who's home! Say, Dee, ya think I should melt into the wall and try and spook 'im when he gets to the living room?!~"

 

"You do realize he can hear you, Remus. It wouldn't be much of a surprise. And no, I've already spoken to you about melting into the walls."

 

"Aw, you're no fun!"

 

Virgil rolled his eyes, the smirk never leaving his face at the familiar voices echoing in the distance. He finally made it to the aforementioned common room and waved at the two taller figures waiting for him. 

 

"I'm home.", Virgil greeted, letting out an 'oof' as Remus wrapped an aggressive- but affectionate- arm around his shoulders.

 

"Hey there, tiny! Took ya long enough!", The creative side pulled him closer for a rough noogie, laughing as Virgil tried to break free to no avail. 

 

"Augh, Remus! Let go!"

 

"How did it go today? I hope they didn't give you too much trouble.", Janus approached the two shorter sides with crossed arms.

 

 His voice was even and calm but Virgil could tell Janus was on the defensive, for his sake, against the Lights. He always was when he returned. The things Virgil told him of his experience with them had his protective elder brother mode cranked up to a million. 

 

Virgil snapped out of his annoyance towards Remus at the question, "Uh...yeah, about that. We need to talk."

 

"What did they do?", Remus had loosened his grip on Virgil a bit, his tone quickly went from playful to low and dangerous. Which prompted Virgil to explain before he did anything that would reverse all the progress they made. 

 

"N-Nothing! Well- not nothing but….", The anxious side saw their eyes narrow and he cleared his throat, freeing himself from Remus's embrace, standing up straight and rubbing his neck nervously, "Uh, so- They kind of...accepted me? They came looking for me and we talked. Thomas is no longer resisting my spot at the discussion table."

 

Remus scoffed, "Yeah, right. After all that?"

 

"I was skeptical at first, too.", Virgil admitted, "But they really made a genuine effort to understand me."

 

The creative side wasn't buying it, turning to Janus. The deceitful side nodded, "From what I can tell he's being truthful, Remus. And I doubt he'd speak of it if he didn't feel like all of this was for certain."

 

Virgil was calmed by Janus's ever present rationality. But he knew this conversation wasn't over. "Although", He began again, "I am curious about what they said about the rest of us."

 

The anxious side bit his lip. 

 

Janus's expression softened, "It's alright. Take your time."

 

Virgil sighed, "They-well, Roman, really- said that I was nothing...compared to you guys."

 

Remus chuckled bitterly, leaning against the wall, "Fucking typical. What'd I tell you?"

 

"I understand and trust me, share your anger, Remus. But they were not only willing to hear Virgil out but also came looking for him after he, to them at least, went missing.", Janus turned back to Virgil, "Remember that this is for Thomas's sake and working as a unit is far more efficient than doing it separately. Regardless of how...strained our family ties are."

 

Virgil responded with a smile which the taller side returned. He knew Janus would be understanding but it was still relieving to hear out loud. The deceitful side was known to be incredibly protective of all of them and unapologetic about his opinion towards the Lights. But thankfully that didn't mean he wasn't unwilling to make amends, provided they offered the same courtesy. 

 

"So we're letting them in just like that?", Remus protested.

 

Janus laughed, "Absolutely not. I'm not going to let go of all the bitterness I feel simply because they were nice once to one of us. They have quite a ways to go to earn my trust and even longer to earn my respect.", He layed a gentle hand on Virgil's shoulder, "But what happened is worth noting."

 

Remus hummed, still skeptical of the whole thing, "We're going to still have to worm our own way in. Plus Thomas isn't even conscious of us yet."

 

Janus nodded, "Naturally. We can't just have our stormcloud being the middle-man for us forever.", A fond smile stretched on his face at Virgil's small grunt in response to his pet name.

 

"Eh, whatever.", Remus sighed, "You're the boss. If it means I can get my ideas heard, I don't really care how."

 

"Very good.", Janus clasped his hands together, "Now, it's been a long day. We'll discuss this further in the morning."

 

The three sides separated for the evening. Virgil distinctly remembered the following morning. They had started discussing ways to ease Thomas into accepting the parts of himself that he blocks out and working from there to get the others to follow suit. Virgil still had the memory of the last thing he said to them. 

 

"I certainly hope any of these scenarios will work. Virgil, are you sure about this?"

 

"Yeah, no worries. Leave it to me. I just don't want you guys to have to hide anymore."

 

Leave it to me. 

 

He had said. And he meant it. He would've followed through with his promise but he didn't anticipate the situation he managed to get himself into. 

 

Virgil was speaking to Patton while they got together for a movie marathon. Everything happened so fast. He brought up the Dark Sides, their recent reconciliation, and the possibility of them being able to come to an understanding since he was accepted. Before he could read Patton's expression as his smile fell, Virgil...felt something change in him. The anxious side wasn't able to decipher what at the time but by the time he had, it was already too late. 

 

"I don't think you should trust them, kiddo. Stay with us."

 

That was all he said. Virgil opened his mouth to try and defend the others, try to convince Patton that it was possible for everyone to get along. But the words died in his throat. What came out instead shocked the anxious side.

 

"You're right, Patton. I'm so glad to finally be away from them. Thanks for...embracing me and giving me a proper family.", Virgil had a hard time processing what he said. He hadn't meant a single word of it yet his tone, body language, and expression reflected his words perfectly. 

 

"Your welcome, kiddo.", Patton smiled warmly at him. 

 

"I didn't mean any of that. Patton, the others can be trusted, you guys just need to give them a chance."

 

"Honestly, I don't know why I stayed with them for so long. All they did was cause trouble and made me miserable.", A spiteful growl left Virgil's lips. 

 

The anxious side thought he saw Patton's warm smile fade slightly. 

 

"Maybe because you didn't have any other option.", Patton smiled sadly, "We didn't give you any. We had no idea how horrible you had it. But now we do and there's no need to worry anymore. We won't let them hurt you."

 

The moral side placed a comforting hand on his knee, "I promise."

 

"They've never hurt me! I was perfectly fine! I just wanted respect. And they deserve the same!"

 

"I'm….still afraid, Pat.", Virgil mentally swore. What the hell was going on?!

 

"I know. But I'll always be here. And so will Roman and Logan."

 

"Thanks. That makes me feel a little better.", Virgil finally returned his smile. 

 

"No, you all are part of the problem. I'll never feel comfortable if I have to choose between two halves of my family!"

 

His true feelings were locked up nice and tight. Virgil learned very quickly that what he actually thought was met with consequences. Nasty ones. Patton pulled him aside after everyone had fallen asleep. 

 

"I'm sure you've caught on by now, Virgil.", The moral side said simply, "Unfortunately, as I predicted, you aren't weak enough to convince completely. You still have some free will in there. You Dark Sides really are a pain."

 

He adjusted his glasses with a sigh but smiled brightly nonetheless, "But that's a-okay! I've got a little back up! If you're going to be our family Virgil, I'll have to set some rules first!", Patton handed him a small pocket knife, "Hurt yourself."

 

Virgil blinked at the request. Patton's sweet smile remained, "For every forbidden thought you have, you are to hurt yourself with varying severity."

 

The anxious side's blood went cold. Judging by his expression, Patton wasn't kidding. "Hmm, since you had three forbidden thoughts today, let's start off with three wounds. Do it.", He commanded. 

 

Virgil's hand moved, despite him trying to fight back against the urge forced on him. He reached for his face, ready to cut just below his eye but the moral side caught his wrist, guiding it back down. 

 

"Ah, ah, kiddo. Not on areas where others can see.", Patton purred, "We wouldn't raise suspicion now, would we?"

 

He guided the anxious side's hand down further. , "Here. Your stomach. I think there's a good start."

 

Patton released him, watching as Virgil lifted his shirt. "Under your belly button, Virge. Since you had the guts to bring them up in a positive light."

 

Virgil's teeth sank into his bottom lip as he penetrated his skin, dragging it along to the other side, hot blood already beginning to soak his lower half.

 

"Your chest now, kiddo. One under and one in the center."

 

Virgil complied, holding back a scream as the excruciating pain shot through him. Patton let it drag on, taking his sweet time in telling him to stop. 

 

"Okey dokey!~ That's enough for now.", Patton clapped. 

 

Virgil stopped on command. He made a mess, though it was nothing compared to the agony he felt. His blood was still gushing out of him, the sight, the pain, made him burst into quiet tears. 

 

Patton's smile remained but he rolled his eyes, "Oh, hush. You're a Dark Side, you've had worse and those wounds will heal almost right away.", The moral side pat his cheek, "Now go clean up and head to bed. We have some filming to do tomorrow."

 

Patton began to walk away but stopped briefly, "Oh, and welcome to the family!"

 

With that, he left. 

 

From then on Virgil was forced to treat the Dark Sides exactly how Patton did. He didn't know how long Patton had him under control but it was apparently it was long enough that Janus had decided to take things into his own hands and make an appearance. Virgil was so overwhelmed with joy, he had completely forgotten the situation he was trapped in. 

 

"Dee! I'm so happy to see you!"

 

"Anyone who doesn't understand that should just shut up.", Virgil felt sick to his stomach. No, no!

 

The hurt on Janus's face filled him with so much guilt, "Virgil...it's me.", He said with an uncertain, broken voice, pointing to himself. , "Aren't we friends?"

 

"Of course we are! More than that, we're family!"

 

Virgil scoffed, "I'm not so sure we are."

 

Janus proceeded in his attempt to convince Thomas on his own and all Virgil could do was sit there, wishing he could scream that he didn't mean it.

 

Eventually, Janus being the clever snake he was, found his own way of having his voice heard. Virgil was happy, proud even but the guilt he felt was awful. If he had been there, this transition period would have been a lot smoother and they could've worked on it together. 

 

Patton was having none of it. The more obvious it became that the Dark Sides were getting closer to their goal, the more he doubled down on Virgil behaving more and more cruel forcing him to take his side at every turn. 

 

And every time Virgil wanted to shout that he was being controlled. That he didn't mean a word of it. He desperately wanted to embrace Janus and Remus and apologize for every nasty thing he was forced to say to them. 

 

And every time he thought that way, Patton punished him. There was nothing he could do. He may be stuck like this forever, regardless if the others were accepted or not. Patton would find a way to use him to undo all their progress. 

 

----

 

"Virgil really just abandoned us all and cozied up to ol' four eyes, huh?", Remus snarled with disgust. 

 

Janus hummed with agreement, resting his chin on his conjoined fingers, "Yes, it seems so.", He turned to the shorter side, "You know why, right?"

 

Remus kicked the chair next to him, " 'Course. I ain't fucking stupid! But what are we going to do? Personally, I just want to charge in there and beat the shit out of him until he lets Virgil go. But I'm guessing you're looking for something more tactful."

 

Janus, "Leave it to me, Remus. We'll go with the original plan of getting the other's defenses down."

 

"And Virgil?"

 

"We'll set him free, rest assured. But as you said we can't just rush into this. There's also the subject of demasking Patton's true nature. We'll have to settle that first if we want a solution long term."

 

"It sounds like Virgil's going to have to hang in there for awhile.", Remus gripped his sleeve in frustration. 

 

"Yes, with you watching over him."

 

Remus blinked, surprised. 

 

Janus merely smirked, "I trust you can protect him as much as possible in the meantime. Just...try not to be too obvious. I don't want to put our stormcloud in any further danger."

 

Remus beamed, pounding his chest proudly, "Roger that, cap!"

 

"Good.", Janus turned away from his younger sibling with a frown, "It'll be a long road but eventually, he will pay."

 

The deceitful side looked down, rubbing his thumb along the old hoodie Virgil had left behind. "Stay strong, Virgil."

@unsympathetic-october-2020

#unsympathetic patton #platonic sanders sides #sympathetic deceit #sympathetic remus #familial sanders sides #unsympathetic october #tw blood #tw knives #tw forced self harm #tw self harm #tw emotional abuse #tw verbal abuse #tw physical abuse #tw gaslighting #tw mind control #sanders sides #tw dehumanization #abusive patton #evil patton #patton is a bastard #victim virgil

[yoosungs-hairclips]

heya!! i wanted to request hc’s for RFA with a methyphobic mc? i get rlly nauseous and terribly anxious (shaking, stuttering, sweating, tearing up, etc) when alcohol is around me or mentioned. my mom was a pretty horrible alcoholic, and that’s where it sprouted ^^;; my friends and family all think i’m weird for it, but i experienced a lot of trauma bc of alcohol, so it makes me feel rlly bad when they don’t try to understand. i was hoping for a bit of comfort through this!! thank you so much!!

yes of course!!! im so sorry that your friends and family say that, that is totally valid and it’s awful that you have to experience that! i’m super sorry if some of these sound repetitive or basic, i tried really hard to convey how much the RFA would care about you and respect your phobia, but i’m only human haha.

1,899 words, 10,051 characters

Yoosung

it comes out when you’re playing LOLOL together with some mutual friends of yours

one of them mentions how they just got back from buying beer from the nearby 7-eleven and how they’re gonna get wasted later that night

you want to say how uncomfortable you are, but out of fear of seeming “uncool” to yoosung’s friends, you stay silent even though you’ve been talkative all night

after around 10 minutes, the friend actually does bust out some of the beers and starts drinking

that’s when you start to really get nervous

as soon as the match is over, you start scrambling for any excuse to log off for the rest of the night

yoosung notices this, and since you two are literally in the same room, he spins in his chair and starts asking you what’s wrong

you remind him that he forgot to leave the match and it’s still going on,

but he doesn’t care about that dumb game right now.

he just wants to know what’s wrong and what he can do to help

after a lot of hugging, you finally tell him about your methyphobia

he’s a little taken aback, as he’s never heard of it.

but when he thinks about how much his friend was mentioning alcohol he gets

really irritated at his “friend”

you have to tell him that his friend didn’t know and that it’s okay but he still insists on telling him how uncomfortable he made you

after a long back and forth, you realize there’s no stopping him

as if he read your mind, he immediately shoots up to his computer and starts typing

then, when he’s taken care of that, he takes your hand and starts reassuring you again

he’ll never let any mention of alcohol touch your ears again, not if he can help it

and he means it.

he’s really glad that you told him so he can try preventing something like this ever happening again

he never, ever wants you to be uncomfortable.

that’s the last thing that you deserve.

Zen

you’re trying to catch up on social media and your favorite TV shows when you hear keys clicking outside the apartment and the door creaking open

as soon as you look over, you see zen stumbling in

from the look on his face and his posture, it’s easy to tell that he’s had a horrible day on set

you try to comfort him and make conversation, but he only mumbles in reply while getting a beer out of the fridge

moments after he pops it open, your palms start getting sweaty and you freeze

you try to tell him that that makes you uncomfortable, but your voice only comes out as murmurs

“did you say something, jagiya?”

mkfadgmkklgadbmlwfklmbfmklfwkmlbaefl

you try again, stuttering out a more coherent statement on how mentions of or especially the presence of alcohol make you extremely anxious

right away, his eyes go wide and he sets his drink down

he sits down next to you on the couch and looks in your eyes, staying silent but you know what he’s asking

you gulp, take a deep breath, and tell him about your methyphobia and what it means

he has to ask a few questions, such as why this came to be and the like

when you tell him about your mom, he’s disgusted with her

he can’t believe it? how did such a wonderful person come out of such a bad family situation?

you really cannot believe he asked that when he came from a bad family too

after a lot of talking and venting from you, he promptly throws out all his alcohol and promises never to drink any or mention it to you again unless you’re okay with it

if you ever start panicking while eating out he’ll be by your side in a flash, rubbing your back and giving you breathing exercises or whatever you need

he’s 100% supportive of you, and he’ll give up any bad habit he needs to if it helps you at all

Jaehee

it’s a sunday, and a lot of families came to the café after church together

it was packed all day

when you get home, you try to unwind by binging jaehee’s bottomless collection of zen DVDs

she’s a little late, telling you she has to get something from the kitchen really fast and asks you if you want anything

you refuse, you’ve had dinner and you already have water

she understands, and dashes off

after about a minute of you setting up the DVD, she comes back with a cheese plate and a wine glass

as soon as you see the crimson liquid in the glass, your hands start to vibrate and shake furiously

you try to hide it by holding them tightly, but she notices before you tuck them away in your pockets

“is s-something wrong?? did i do something??”

she’s, so worried,

you’re a little hesitant to tell her but you’ve been dating for a few months and you have to tell her eventually, right?

through shaky breaths, you explain your methyphobia and why it came to be,

everything.

she never interrupts you, purely focusing on listening to you until you’re done after about 3 and a half minutes

afterwards, she apologizes for never asking if you’re comfortable with her relying on drinking wine as a stress reliever

she says how she doesn’t blame you in the slightest for not telling her sooner, it’s hard to trust people with such sensitive information and she would have struggled with it too.

you have a really long conversation about your lives and everything you struggle with talking about to others

you both forget all about the DVD

after you tell her that you’re starting to get sleepy, she dumps out the wine, puts the cheese away, and gives you honest to god the tightest hug you’ve ever gotten from someone.

as well as a kiss on the cheek heehee

she gives you a lot more cuddles that night

and when you’re both awake, she delays the shop opening so she can do as much research on methyphobia as a woman could possibly do in one morning

she’s very sensitive about it afterwards, and always makes sure that you don’t get reminded of alcohol (when she can help it)

Jumin

you’re playing with elizabeth the 3rd and waiting for jumin to come home when you get a call

speak of the devil!!

you pick up almost instantly, asking him how work is going and telling him what elizabeth has been doing all day

he lets out a small .. nose exhale? of a laugh before telling you that he actually called you to inform you of a sudden change of plans for the afternoon/evening

you’re really excited! you’re usually just stuck in the penthouse all day, without anything to do

so any chance to get out is a good thing, especially with jumin

right? eh

he continues, saying how he has to go to an event for work purposes

it turns out there’s a nearby wine tasting and there’s a lot of potential customers there

as he went, the smile on your face slowly fell until he said the word “wine” and any sign of joy was smacked out of you

your head started spinning, you were spluttering trying to think of an answer

“o-okay, i’ll s-s-see yo-you the-there”

fuck. shit what the fuck

he notices your panicking, but decides not to say anything and save it for later

“i’ll see you later, yes. have a good afternoon, my love. excuse me.”

and he hung up

and you sat down

and tried to gather your thoughts

fuckkrignnrjgts.df.g.t.gnntghntg/h.mgfnue3rnfnnsae943203t0reend what the, god damn,

you try to rationalize. you don’t have to be there for long. as C&R’s heir’s wife, you have to go to a lot of events

and all you had to was hold on to his arm and look pretty

if just most of the people there saw you with him, you could probably sneak off and go home early

so that’s what you decided on.

you picked out your dress, got one of the maids for advice on accessories, and you were ready to go

you were in the middle of psyching yourself up to leave when the door opened and your husband walked in

he commented on how nice you looked already, and excused himself to go change

it was about 10 minutes before he came back out and started to dial driver kim’s number

you had to say something

“w-wait.”

??

then it all came spilling out, the fact you couldn’t come to the wine tasting, your past alcoholic mother, and your horrible case of methyphobia

jumin stood there paralyzed for about 5 seconds straight before straightening up and

“okay. i’ll see you tonight then.”

??????????? WHAT

you really did not see that coming

he just… accepted the fact you couldn’t go

he could see the surprise in your face

you told him how you really expected him to be more dramatic about it, making a big show about how you had to be there.

“i’m hurt that you thought i would ever force you to do anything you would not like to. your comfort is more important than my image, MC.”

you basically imploded on the spot

jhhohOOOOOH  my god

you thanked him profusely, and told him to have a good time

he gave you a kiss

and then headed out

when he came back, he gave you a lot more affection than he did before

“affection” can mean whatever you want it to 👀👀👀

to be honest, i’ve been thinking for a while and i really just couldn’t think of a scenario about 707 drinking or bringing you into a situation where people are drinking? im sorry, i tried my best doing random HCs i thought of. it’s a lot less coherent than the other ones, but it’s better than nothing.

707

when he finds out, he’s shocked

what!

because you don’t really take medication or anything for your phobia since… you don’t need any honestly, there was no way for him to know via background check

he’s very sweet about it

even though he’s constantly memeing and joking around, he’s extremely cautious making jokes about alcohol

if anyone DARES to make fun of you for it or degrades you

honey

they’ve got a big storm coming

he’ll probably put a photo album of his cosplaying going on their phone for the next few months

lol

this boy understands anxiety, so if you ever are uncomfortable because it’s been mentioned or someone around you is drinking, he’ll either try to distract you with jokes or if need be, ZOOP you out of there right away and calm you down

he’s so much more protective of you, especially in public

if you tell him to stop he’ll stop though

he just wants you to know he’s always there for you

because you’re always there for him

#mystic messenger headcanons #mystic messenger headcanon #mysme headcanon #mysme headcanons #yoosung mystic messenger #yoosung kim mystic messenger #yoosung kim mysme #yoosung mysme #yoosung headcanon #yoosung headcanons #zen mysme #zen mystic messenger #zen headcanons #zen headcanon #hyun ryu headcanon #hyun ryu mysme #hyun ryu mystic messenger #hyun ryu headcanons #jaehee mysme #jaehee mystic messenger #jaehee kang #jaehee kang mystic messenger #jaehee kang mysme #jaehee mm #jaehee kang mm #jumin han #jumin mysme #jumin mystic messenger #jumin han mysme #jumin han mystic messenger

[terramythos]

My thoughts on October Daye #12 “Night and Silence” oooor “Dammit, Janet!” (suggestion courtesy of @mistressofmuses ).

And with this I am officially all caught up! Well, I haven’t read all the novellas and short stories, but caught up on the main series. Now I have to wait for #13 this year like a normal person! Gah! 

-So, leading off from all the horrible shit that happened last book, things aren't going.. great.

-You know that intense, extreme trauma 2 members of the main cast experienced @ the end of last book? Yeah that. Didnt go away

-There's a line about how Tybalt keeps seeing Toby as her mother Amandine... the person who kidnapped and basically tortured him last book. And he's basically terrified of shapeshifting at all and has just stayed in his humanoid form. And he's refusing help from anyone and disappearing for long stretches. And maybe going just a little bit Fuckening Crazy. G-great start, guys!

-And there's a flashback where he's just MEAN and like you can understand why but MAJOR YIKES and also pain.

Ok unexpected May feels ;-;

-Gillian Is Missing Again but I have a feeling this is not gonna be much of a retread...

-And.. boy this sure is a callback huh? May and Quentin being the found family, Gillian is missing, Tybalt is antagonistic...

-ok Jocelyn is a creepy fangirl character

-ok I'm 5 chapters in and wondering where this is going. Apparently there's Quite The Twist in this one or at least that's what I suspect is going to happen

-oooohkay they find like this weird pocket dimension with like. A miniature house that is also a chicken (and no one even mentions Baba Yaga). And idk what it is about the scene but it is fucking eerie and creepy as hell somehow.

Shade appeared in like book 6 as a Literal Cat so.. here she is showing up and being relevant for 5 minutes

-but what the FUCK is with this place. I got nothing and that exposition just raises more questions. There's no magic scent at all (except MAYBE cinammon), a bunch of rare fucking plants, and a fucking miniature baba yaga hut just wandering around

-that opens another rabbit hole because Golden Gate Park is ALSO completely unclaimed for no particular reason 🤔

This might be a waste of picture and might get deleted later but like, that's fucking creepy, right???

-god I know there HAS to be someone with cinnamon in their magical signature who we've MET but... it's been 12 books, dog. I dont fuckin remember

-The closest I can think is Simon with "mulled cider" because that's cinnamony... BUT it's pretty unlikely he did this, and that part of his magical signature is PRE corruption and we have the corrupted version running around.

-We just found a SECOND creepy unexplainable house hidden in plain sight so that's starting to feel Thematic.

-And she smells the false Queen's magic in this house :) someone supposedly asleep for 100 years in Silences. So that's great.

-Aaand there's Gillain! Not even halfway through the book. Way too easy.

-It's not Gillian. It's a Baoban Sith which is apparently *googling* a.. vampire. Ok

-My crack theory is pretty much dead in the water lol 

There's more than this bit but ;---; fuck dude

-But yeah! After a book and a half of hiatus, Tybalt's back! A little.. broken and suffering from severe PTSD, but you know.

-They go to Goldengreen based on a hint and Marcia is there baking cinnamon rolls. It really stresses the fact that she's making cinnamon rolls.

UM.

-.... holy shit.

-Ok. Ok ok. Assuming that's the truth that means Amandine's mother was.. a human? Making her a fucking CHANGELING Firstborn? What the fuuuuuck

-Oh that is fucking hysterical with what a fucking blood purist Amandine is. She looks down upon changelings and the beast races SO MUCH. Janet implies Amandine has no idea her mother was human, or at least never knew Janet. I'd bet she figured out she was part human because the Dochas Sidhe's whole deal is messing with one's heritage for fun results. Gosh. Hmm.

-And this mirrors everyone hiding October's heritage from her BEAUTIFULLY.

-I don't remember quite when "Miranda" was introduced but it was pretty early on. And now that I think of it there was NO REASON for her to fucking exist! What the fuck! The story would have made just as much sense with Cliff being a single dad raising Gillian. Miranda was just an antagonistic extra detail who didn’t... really do much. God damn it. 

-Cliff “accidentally” marrying Toby's maternal grandmother who is somehow Human and also like, alive, in order to help raise Toby's daughter is. Fucking Something, huh.

Oh lore??? (Oberon, King of Faerie, kinda a nice guy it turns out, accidentally knocks up a human. Uh... whoops?)

-Fuck dude, that was the blood memory flashback we had in book 9. The Luidaeg begging her mom not to leave on The Ride. Oof.

-So Janet is, yes indeed human and YES INDEED Toby’s grandmother. She’s cursed with immortality because of all that shit she pulled. 

-And BOY does that lore regarding Janet make the whole "Amandine was doted on and given everything she ever asked for" make sense cause... THAT'S WHAT THEY DID WITH HUMANS. And here we have a fucking FIRSTBORN born from a fucking HUMAN. Gosh. Jeez.

-and Katy pointed out to me that that's a big book 3 reference because Toby's family holds her down when THEY try to remove her from Blind Michael's version of the Ride, and SHE wildly shapeshifts through dozens of forms.It was a Tam Lin retelling only I don’t think I ever expected the actual thing to be relevant. 

-And FUCK Evening/Eira, by the way. I think that goes without saying at this point.

-So is Blind Michael's Ride supposed to be a replacement of the old one? 500 years ago the fae used The Ride to sacrifice a human every 7 years--until Tam Lin and Janet fucked it up. Fast forward to the present and we had Blind Michael showing up every couple years stealing children for what HE called The Ride.

-soooo Toby killing Blind Michael might have not been a great thing if you follow that line of reasoning. I mean, he was a fucking monster, BUT... Because The Ride is supposedly to maintain balance, hence the sacrifices. Whatever the fuck that ultimately means. And by stopping it...

-Add that on to all the stuff last book about how Blind Michael wasn't always such a shitty person, and... uh hmmm.

-OK this part might be a stretch but: the Dochas Sidhe are the only descendants we know of that are just... one hundred percent descended from one of the Three. The human part is largely irrelevant in fae terms. They’re directly Oberon’s, not some mix of Maeve/Oberon or Titania/Oberon. Would that mean Oberon is actually Dochas Sidhe? He did, after all, create the hope chests, and the Dochas Sidhe are literally living, breathing hope chests. IDK MAN. 

Tybalt, PLEASE.

-So it is, predictably, the false Queen behind this whole situation, helped by Jocelyn. And I just FUCKING REMEMBERED that it was that dickbag Dugan who had cinnamon in his magical signature .-.

-The Baoban Sith just be like "yeah sorry about almost eating you I uh straight up hadn't eaten in 40 years lol. Anyway I'm Kennis, what's up?"

OH FUCK! I FUCKING *CALLED* THIS SHIT OUT IN BOOK SIX! I remember it being mentioned offhand as something that could happen. I fucking KNEW we were going to turn a character into a Selkie for plot reasons. But I gotta say I didn't expect it to be Gillian!

FUCK DUDE ;___; in this house we stan The Luidaeg. Best character. I'm not crying. (I am.) 

-She has a line a few pages later about anxiety and catastrophic thinking, and how what you THINK will happen is never as bad as what actually happens. She compares it to "chasing the tide" and honestly that's such a useful metaphor, as someone often caught in that trap...

-They take down Dugan, yay, he was a loose end. He's not DEAD, but.. This is another one where the villain felt pretty secondary to the big plot revelations. 

-And Tybalt stepped down (temporarily) as King. Jolgeir's daughter is apparently going to temporarily take things over so I expect we will be introduced to her later?? 

---

-And, like the last few books, theres a novella epilogue at the end. This one is "Suffer a Sea-Change" and looks to be from Gillian's perspective.

-ok so Gillian has this whole scene where she TALKS to Firtha (whose skin she's wearing now) and I can't help but wonder if all selkies have this weird scene with the Roane whose skin they inherit when they ascend or whatever?

-The Answer Is "No", The Story Explicitly Says 

-Gillian is honestly pretty funny. She's up to here with this bullshit.

-The Luidaeg would like to remind everyone that she’s nice to October and Quentin but she’s not actually all that nice to most other people and Definitely Has Her Own Agenda. Although she seems to have taken in Poppy as an apprentice of sorts so... *vague shrugging* 

-And The Luidaeg speaking fondly about her "little brother Michael" who liked interior decorating despite being entirely blind. This is my uncomfortable face based on all my Analysis earlier.

-So Gillian is a Selkie now! That's not a twist I expected. And the next book (not out until September) is about The Luidaeg finally calling in their debts. So uh. That was one hell of a way to make the stakes personal on that.

-Im probably gonna make a master post overview of the series now that I read the whole thing in relatively short order. I'm glad I'll have a chance to read other books, but I'm anxious for the next one too based on the recent developments...

[littlebitoffanfic]

Forever A Gentleman

Fandom: The Hobbit Characters: Bofur, Fili, Kili Relationship: Bofur/reader Request: Bofur stumbled across the reader while bathing and fluff ensues. I love your work! You pressed yourself up agaisnt the rock, cursing the young princes as you glance back to land and hoped to see your clothes magically back. But no such luck. You had been bathing in the river when you heard scuffling from behind you. When you glanced back over your shoulder, you saw Fili and Kili running off with your clothes in their arms, giggling like girls. It was partly your own fault. You normally wore a thin dress to bathe in, but it had magically gone missing. Even now, you couldn’t wait to get your hands on them, but you had to figure out to how get back to the camp without anyone seeing you. There was a large boulder a little out from land. You had hidden behind it as you thought through your options. The water now came up to just over your breasts, a bonus. You signed, feeling a cold wind hit your bare shoulder and face. Ducking a little further under the water, you shivered. As you bit your lip, you heard a loud slash from the shore and nearly jumped out your skin. You were pretty much a sitting duck as far as an attacker was concerend. Peaking around the boulder, you saw Bofur wade out into the water (now half way up his torso, whisiling happily to himself as he focused on undoing his braids. His chest was bare and as you glanced to the shore, you saw all his clothes, including his hat, piled up. He didn’t even know you were there. You knew he was your only chance. Crouching a little so the water was now up to your collar bone and moving your hair to cover your shoulders, you took a deep breath and exchaled. “Bofur.” You called to him, almost giggling when you saw how he jumped. But then his eyes settled on you and they sofened. “Lass?” He asked, cocking his head to one side as he swam closer to you. you wrapped your arms around your breasts, even though the water was sligthly darker and you couldn’t see them. Once infront of you, he stood back up, the water now coming up to his chest but it had wet the ends of his hair. “You alright?” He asks, sounding a little panicked as he did. “Yes, im fine.” You reassure him, wondeirn ghow you were going to explain your prediciment to him. “Its just, I normally hear you singing when you bathe.” Bofurs anxiety didn’t seem to supside at your realusrance. “You listen to me sing?” You couldn’t help but ask. “Aye. You’ve got a beautiful voice.” Bofur nods. While some mught have been embaressed at it, he didn’t. You suddently shook your head, reminding yourself that you were naked. “Bofur. I need your help.” You confess, looking up at him. “Sure, lass. Anything.” He moved forward to place his hands on your arms under the water. “Im-I need you to… uh.” You signed, annoyed as your cheeks burned. Why couldn’t you just tell him? Just then, you shuddered, the cold starting to get to you. “[y/n]?” Bofurs voice was filled with concern as he felt the coldness of your skin. “Yer freezing.” He goes to step closer to you, but you quickly step back. “Bofur, im naked.” You finally allow the words to fall over your lips. Bofur froze, and you saw his eyes dart down to your body then straight back up. Then he jumps and tries to move backwards. Unfortunatly, a small wave cuaght him and threw off his balance. He thumbled back into the water, his feet actully coming up above the water for just a moment before he started splashign to regain his footing. You let out a laugh as you dove forward to help him, forgetting you werent wearing anythign. You managed to grab his arm and pull him up. He spluttered but the second he saw you again, he twisted around so his back was to you. You couldn’t help but throw your head back and laugh. You didn’t see him glance over his shoulder just to see you laughing. Then his head snapped back when you look back at him. “but, but don’t you normally bathe in-“ He starts to stutter but you cut him off. “I couldn’t find it. And I saw Fili and Kili run off with my clothes ones I was in the water.” You shook your head. “Those little devils. They told me you were done!” Bofur growled. “Wait, what?” You swam around him, keeping the water up to your neck but you wanted to speak to him face to face regardless of your embaressing situation. “They said you had finished bathing and it was my turn.” He shook his head, his beard almost comincal when wet. You knew you had to clear the air a little. “You know, of everyone. Im glad of everyone, you were the found who found me.” You giggled. “What? Why?” Bofur riased his eyebrows in a quizical way. “Well, obviously, I don’t want to face fili or kili right now. And Ori would probably faint at the thought. And most of the older ones would make such a fuss I’d never live it down or they wouldn’t be able to look me in the eyes for months.” You confessed, ducking a little under the water in the hoeps it would hid your blush. “Aw, lass. Im glad im the one who found you.” Bofur chuckled. “Have you got spare clothes in yer backpack? The one by your bedroll.” He asked and you nodded. Bofur moved to start to leave the water, but paused and turn back to you. “Turn round lass.” He told you, making you raise an eyebrow at him. “Aint got anythign on.” You let out a laugh as you twisted in the water, standing up a little more when your back was to him. Bofur couldn’t help but watch you as he left the water and started to pull on clothes despite being soaking wet. His eyes trailed down you bare back, wanting nothing more than to return to you in the water. He threw on his clothes, his tunic and trousers feeling horrible agaisnt his wet skin. But he knew you were freezing and needed to get out of the cold water quickly. Bofur quickly left and retreaved your bag for you, but not before notifying Dori and balin, who had both taken to you like father figures to you. They had both growled and went off to find the younge princes and Bofur returned to you. He heard you before he saw you. You were singing again, which was literally musci to his ears. “Lass?” He called out to you when he saw you in the river once again. You twisted around and saw Bofur standing with your clothes in one hand and a thin blanket/twoel in the other . Bofur placed the clothes on a rock to the side and then held the towel out, grippin the top two corners and holding it straight. He closed his eyes and you understood. Giggling, you covered your breast with one arm and using the other to try and cover as much as you could before moving quickly into the towel. You grabbed the ends from his hands and wrapped the towel under your arms and around yourself. Bofur kept his eyes closed like a true gentleman. Going up on your tiptoes, you pressed a quick kiss to his lips, making him jump and his eyes flash open. “Thank you for helping me.” You giggled, stepping back as you held the towle around yourself. It draped down to your knees and was wrapped tightly around your wasit, meaning it showed off a lot more of your figure than your normal dresses, tops and trousers. “Im sorry I ruined your bathing time.” You offered him a sincer apology but Bofur seemed so stunned by the kiss. He was only brought back by your giggles and he shook his head. “don’t worry, lass. I should be apologiesing for the princes for putting you in such a position.” He smirked slightly, stepping a little closer to you. “Im just lucky I had a certain dwarf was here to save my honour.” You giggled, closing the distance between you again. Just then, a cold breeze swept across the land, making you shiver. A pair of warm arms wrapped around you and you were pulled against Bofurs chest. Before you could look up, your lips were captured by Bofurs onces again. You smirked into the kiss, thankful he hadnt seemed to have taken your previous kiss as just a friendly one. You had to keep one hand on the towel to hold it up, the other wrapped hand reached up and you placed it on the back of his neck. His hands ran up your bare shoulders. Unfortunatly, another cool breeze made you shiver once again. “Yer freezing, lass.” Bofur mumbled. You smiled as you leaned into his touch, cuddling into his chest. “It felt warmer in the water.” You giggled. “Althought your arms are definitely my prefered choice.” “Aye, I much prefer this as well.” Bofur chuckled, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Is she decent?” A voice called from the forest and you let out a laugh, heairng the nerves in Dori’s voice. Bofur shrugged off his coat and threw it over your shoulders so the only thing really on show was from your knees down and your collar bone up. “Aye.” He called back and Dori, Balin, Dwalin, Bifur, Bombur, Nori and Gloin stormed out the woods, half hauling Fili and Kili by their ears. “Now, apologies to the lass!” Dwalin growled as he all but threw the boys in front of you. they hung their heads in shame, much like children getting in trouble. “Sorry, [y/n].” They both mumbled, looking very shamful. “I forgive you. This one time.” You nodded, but added the last part with a stern voice. They both turned and walked to the group of dwarfs who all looked like they could kill the princes. You would have giggled if you didn’t think the princes might have thought it mean you were less angry. The group returned into the woods and back to the camp. Once out of earshot, you chuckled, earnig a grin from Bofur. “well, lass. Where were we?” He asked, wrapping his arms back around your waist, under the coat. “You know, we could always come back later on tonight.” You played with the front of Bofurs tunic as you spoke, looking up at him through your eyeslashes. “I like yer thinking. We’d best get you back and in front of the fire.” Before winked as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. When you threw on your clothes, he turned away again. “Forever a gentleman” you thought as you pulled on a tunic, trousers and a thick cardigen that Ori had been kind enough to knit you a few months ago. once decent, you called out to Bofur. “What are you going to do with your hair?” he asked, nodding to the mess on your head. “I don’t know. Theres no point trying to tame it while its wet.” You shrugged, folding the towel you had used and handing Bofur his coat back. “I’ll braid it for you.” he offered, making you look back to him. You knew the significants of braining in his culture and you were surprised that a few kisses meant that much to him. But you smiled and nodded. “I’d like that.” You grabbed his hand and pulled him to sit down while you turned so he was sat behind you and started braiding your wet hair. He started humming the tune to a song you normally sing. He was forever a getleman.

#the hobbit #bofur #bofur x reader #bofur/reader #fluff

[makishinichi]

this is regarding the recent news about a seiyu related to a3. it was written before yesterday’s announcement that the seiyu will thankfully be changed and that the character will be muted. forgive me for not writing his name. i don’t want to have his name anywhere on my blog.

this is my personal feelings which i know is secondary. the victims health and support is first and foremost. no matter how i feel, its completely irrelevant in the face of a victim who is currently healing from so much pain and hurt. this post is to just make sense of my personal thoughts, just to release them in the air.

i read some blog posts where former fans of that man pour out their heartbreak and disappointment, and somehow it made me feel a little bit better.

i know that man made some sort of statement and there were fans who continued to support him, or at least wished him well and hoped for him to change.

there were also people who defended him and said "i still want to support him" and blamed the victim.

i knew that these people would continue to exist in the world, no matter how horrible the celebrity is.

but the blog posts i read were by fans who couldnt continue to support him. because what that man did was inexcusable.

they struggle to reconcile their happy memories and their hatred. a person who they loved for so long turns out to be this type of guy. of course theyre still struggling.

but in the end, they know they cant support him.

i cant say that im his fan. i just liked him because of a3. i only knew of him through a3.

but i loved a3 so much.

a3 is the first game where i bought in app currency, the first series where i bought a fan event dvd. because i loved the series, and by extension its cast, so much that i wanted to support them in any way.

i think thats why i felt so upset when i found out that man turned out to be the way he is.

not because i was his huge fan or played a character i adored.

but because for almost three years, i, whether straightforwardly or not, was supporting someone who, behind closed doors was a terrible person.

when a3 introduced an actor i didnt like as a supporting cast, i got upset and took a bit of a step back from the game. but i told myself, we wont be hearing his voice often, he's just a side character. as long as i didnt support him monetarily, as long as i didnt speak about him or praise him, i would be fine.

i understand that was a cowardly move of me, but i couldnt bring myself to delete the game that i loved so much.

but now its different.

he's part of the main cast. he plays a character loved by many. i cheered for them so much, i made sure to watch every seiyu livestream. i spent so much money on that game. i spent so much money on the fan events, the live, all while thinking, even if i don’t know much about him, he was someone who fits his character perfectly.

when i saw the news, i couldnt bring myself to finish the article. seeing the headline and the first few paragraphs were already too much to bear. later on i read screenshots of the line messages and summaries made by other twitter users and i almost cried. but the moment i saw the news, i knew i couldn’t deny it. because i knew no matter how nice they are, men are capable of these atrocities. i can’t excuse a celebrity’s bad behaviour just because they were part of something i love.

but this isn’t just bad behaviour. this is an atrocity.

honestly, i understand that these negative feelings i have right now arent even about him. ive always told myself i can never trust celebrities hiding behind their good facade, and so i never get involved in their private lives. i dont buy seiyu's personal merchandise, i only read interviews relating to the series they’re involved in, or their music. always work related, never related to their personal lives. i only respect them as voice actors, as music artists. i dont want to get invested in a person who turns out to be garbage. i was never invested in that man personally. it’s not about him.

no, these negative feelings are about me.

i knew that men werent shit and yet for years i supported a game with a full male cast. i knew that celebrities might be horrible and yet i decided to pay for fan events where the focal point is about the celebrity. i took the chance that, even if they’re humans who aren’t perfect, they won’t be completely terrible people.

i failed at that.

i wasnt his fan but im an a3 fan. im a huge a3 fan. and by extension i offered my support and love to him, because he made up an important part of this game. by extension i financially contributed to and supported this terrible guy.

i feel so envious of fans who can separate the work from the voice actor. ive done that before with manga and anime. i dont watch the anime, i only read the manga. that was easy. but i cant do that with mobage. i especially cant do that with a3, because i personally paid for the fan events, i supported the livestreams. those made up part of my precious memories of a3. and those events involved him too.

people say "hes replacable!" and come up with all these suggestions for replacements. i get angry looking at them. yes hes replacable. but it doesnt erase the fact that he was there for almost four years. he was an integral part of that character for all those years. that cant be washed away, at least not until we get a new replacement.

also it makes me angry that people are suggesting names of other men to a3. look at the situation. do you know these men? are they perfect in your eyes? wasnt he perfect in our eyes too? i dont want to say "xxx is a perfect cast for the character". because that man was the perfect cast for him too. look what happened. i agree with someone who tweeted: "i would appreciate hiring someone who cherishes the character, but at the moment anyone will do". that sort of mentality makes more sense other than hyping up other men.

seeing the a3 app makes me sick now. i dont dare to turn on the sound anymore. no matter how much i know that the character is sinless, seeing his character makes me flinch. the game causes me so much heartache now, and yet i still have so much love in my heart for these characters. i dont want to throw them away.

so i think thats why i can relate to these blog posts.

sometimes i feel stupid for being so affected. its gotten to the point where seeing his face or his name makes me sick. even if i did financially contribute, so did many other people, and yet theyre able to go back to a3, even if its just little by little. i still cant do that, and sometimes i wonder why. im not even his fan, after all.

but after reading those blogposts, i think i can understand. even if i cant relate to these fans as his fan, i can relate to them as a fan of a3.

their beloved memories are tainted by his true colours, but those memories are still precious to them. they cant throw those away just yet. but they cant support him. he is irredeemable.

those feelings are something i can share.

im glad im not alone. i think i can become braver because im not alone.

but whether or not im brave, the most important thing i can do is to support the victim, and strive to make things better for victims like her.

[survivor-rotuma]

Ep. 5: “Our tribemates had to die for MYSANDRE to rise.” - Lysandre

Felix

I'm kind of glad Raul is gone. To me, he was the biggest liability in all the alliances I had with him. It is just a shame to see someone I made an alliance with early in this game get eliminated like that. However, now that means Marie will continue to be a target for Cassie at merge, and I can still work with Lysandre. They are a valuable asset to me. I would not want to bring them to the end, but I would love to take them as far as I could to ensure my own safety. Right now, if it is a final 3 scenario, I want to take Flint and Joey since they seem the least active and the most trustworthy. Plus, they don't seem to have games at the moment, but I'll have to keep an eye on that as we go along. Final 2 scenario for me is definitely with Joey though at his point in the game. 

Boris

"Sorry for my lack of confessionals lately. Just literally nothing is happening. My tribe basically died completely as far as activity goes and I'm just sitting pretty until merge anyways so!

Yeah go me woo"

Felix

"I don't want to summarize. So take this chat log instead. 

TLDR: Joey confirms to me that we're ride or dies which makes my FTC plans more possible. He wants Sumi to win the challenge and for either Mea or us to go to tribal. I want us to go to tribal because, well, I don't trust Charlie to remain loyal to us.

What do you think about all that's happened?

Joey, 8:10 PM: i think we're the only ones who have never been to tribal

8:10 PM: Yeah I think so!

Joey, 8:10 PM: what's the tribe that's not mea

8:10 PM: Sumi

Joey, 8:10 PM: yeah i think at merge it's gonna be based on tribal lines

8:11 PM: Mea will defintely be the people in the middle. We need to reel them in if we want to stay the majority based on tribal lines

Joey, 8:11 PM: exactly that's why i'm wondering if losing the next challenge would be bad for us

8:13 PM: Yeah someone will have to lose it. If Sumi loses then they have 4 against our 5. But that means Mea will want to work with them more since we'd be a threat due to our size. Though if we lose, then we have to convince Mea on the same principles to vote out a person from Sumi. It's kind of a tricky situation to be in. But hen if Mea goes to tribal again, then that'd just be one person to convince but then it'd be deadlocked

I think this might be the most important immunity pre-merge

Joey, 8:14 PM: i agree like honestly best case scenario is Mea loses again lol but i think if sumi loses we could be in trouble obviously i'm loyal to the four but above all you're my ride or die man

8:15 PM: Are you suggesting that you throw the challenge? Tsk tsk how unsportmanlike lol. But I wouldn't mind it. The worst that happens is that we vote out Charlie

Joey, 8:15 PM: i hate throwing challenges lmao but i think it depends on the challenge i think regardless of what happens we want sumi to win make them the threats

8:16 PM: I think so too. Whatever direction you take this in, I'll follow. And you're my ride or die too! I've bonded with you the most out of everyone here and think you're awesome!

I'll trust your instincts on how to tackle this immunity. Good luck either way!

Joey, 8:17 PM: haha i appreciate it man!! we'll definitely touch base and see what happens "

Felix

This eraser will definitely help out at merge, especially those early votes. I think I'll use it the second merge starts just to make sure we have the numbers to kick out someone from Sumi. It sucks that I didn't get one of those big advantages tho

Flint

That auction was cut throat, woof! 

Marie

"Hi, I’m Spencer from Cagayan you might of heard of me as the most unlucky survivor player ev-

NO BITCH MOVE OUTTA THE WAY ITS ME MARIE. O k, so my tribe is already down to 2 people. And now our chances are even worse?????????? Wow I have horrible intuition "

Cassie

Well that auction was a bit of a bust for me personally, but as for our five person unit it wasn't too bad. After I brought in a ten percent overall disadvantage for the next immunity, Joey scored big with that advantages. Plus Felix as well. I still believe in the Tuai power!

Joey

So I had a chat with Felix earlier today about the game. At this point I've coasted very easily through pre-merge since i have yet to attend a tribal council, but as the individual game approaches, it's time to go from a direct UTR/MOTR to a CPM legend! Obviously, Sumi and Tuai are pretty evenly placed going into the merge, but personally I think we're the bigger threat. We've never lost a challenge nor attended tribal together, so it's a lot easier for us to band together with numbers and I think the other tribes are smart enough to see that. So, I was throwing around the idea of potentially throwing the next challenge and booting Charlie so that we would go into merge with a numbers disadvantage to Sumi and have a lot of swaying power for the Mea duo. However, with my challenge advantage as well as Felix's vote eraser, we have a lot of opportunities opening up that we can hopefully capitalize on!

Flint

Turns out my machete advantage from the auction holds no power. So now I have to decide, tell people that I didn’t receive an advantage or lie about it and create a fake advantage to gain favor in the game. I’m a terrible liar but I think I should create some lie to help gain insight from others

Bradley

I am truly a mess and Jay deserves better. Been dealing with life changing stuff and its been keeping me away from checking in the game. I got a strike and its my first one ever and i feel so bad. Gunna try harder but still dealing with stiff so we’ll see.

Lysandre

"Oh boi I hope your'e ready for a thicc confessional. So I survived last round miraculously! Marie didn't vote me out lmaooo. 

The reward challenge is here!! And the reward is an Auction!! I'm heading into the auction trying to snag something so that I can at least boost ability to navigate in the game. Some notable things from the auction: Joey gets a 15% advantage in the challenge, Felix gets to negate a vote, Marie gets a 10% disadvantage in the challenge hjefwkbvkaevbkj.fe bdka and Boris gets to pick someone from any tribe for a movie night. 

I SNAGGED AN EXTRA VOTE at the AUCTION AND HOW I DID IT WAS ICONIC. So me and like 5 people bid on the same item and it got randomized 3 times and I picked spot number 4 to be the winner. The person in spot number 4 was none other than LYSANDRE. AHA!! 

Now the speculation begins. Charlie bought a mask and I believe that the mask holds the ability for her to see the votes for one round. I have no idea what Apollo has but it may be an exile pass or like a clue to merge idol?? I think the first tho. Also who the hell knows what Brianna has. I believe Flint bought the power to give someone a disadvantage.

OMG BORIS PICKED ME FOR THE MOVIE. This is literally the best outcome I can think of. During the short time that I was on another tribe I really clicked well with Boris and I liked him a bunch. I really want him to be my ride or die moving forward into the game. I'd love to hear who he's close with and could pull me in with. I also want to gain a lot of his trust by willing off my extra vote to him since I have my idol. the only way I would do that is if I tell him about my having an idol . 

JAY RELEASED THE CHALLENGE AND IM IN SUCH A CRISIS. It's Duolingo which is really oof. What makes it Biig OOOOF is the fact that we are learning the language of Game of Thrones or something. Do I look Like Arya or something???? So in order to drag me AND Marie into the merge I'm going to have to speak like the Valyrian, eat like the Valyrian, become the Valyrian, experience Valyrian. "

Lysandre

Marie is kind of a liability. She publicly announces things that shouldn't be announced and she now knows about my extra vote even tho its obvi. She was cute until she started anti returnee propoganda dbkvka l  but I probably will keep her around unless we lose and battle.

Marie

Lys and I have a fire lit under our asses, but maybe that’s what we need to get our tribe of two to win

Bryan 

I. Hate. Duolingo. So much. I hate being one of the two people participating. And I hate that Bradley is never online and is probably gonna barely contribute so it all rests to me. That sounds rude. If Bradley does end up contributing I will make an apology confession. 

Felix

With recent news that we are losing majorly in this challenge, it seems Tuai might have to go to tribal for the first time in this game. The vote would obviously go towards Charlie, but what if she has an idol? I have an idol, but is that the only idol on the island? Things get crazier and crazier everyday but I am hopeful that things turn out alright. I really do hope she gets eliminated if we go to tribal, then we can make it to merge

Lysandre

People call me Lys now. I guess Lys is short for Lysol because I stay cleaning these bitches 

Charlie 

"I have a feeling I might be voted out this round, I think it has to do with how im performing in challenges

Boris

"that auction... whew!! So many hidden powers that's def gonna fuck me up in the future. And all I got was a pair of $400 movie tickets. The most EXPENSIVE movie i've ever seen, and it's gonna be a documentary about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez lmao. 

I chose Lysandre for the movie night bc? They're my fave from our fake swap tribe and even though they probably don't have a lot of juicy tea to spill because they're on Mea, I might as well start trying to build a strong relationship to prepare for merge"

Boris

also I was kinda worried about Brianna and Bradley having to compete in this next challenge for us because they sat out last time but so far it looks okay? Brianna seems to be doing #that and Tuai is trudging behind, which is perFECT because it'd give Sumi a numbers advantage in the merge. so yeah! come thru!

Apollo

2 things. Thank god I don’t have to compete in the duolingo challenge and I am so lucky to have received the extra vote. With a super idol and a vote steal and who knows what else out there, any extra advantage that’s out there? From now on? I’ll take it. I have the time to complete the challenge but not the patience nor the desire to. The gag is if Brianna or Bradley don’t put up enough effort and we lose? They don’t know that it’s their asses on the line. If we lost I think Brianna should go since she’s more of a threat than Bradley could ever be. Bradley will end up being loyal to us if we lose. It’s convoluted but if we lose my plan is. Convince Brianna and Bradley to vote for Zest. Convince Brianna that’s zest is voting for her. Convince Brianna that Zest has an idol and to vote Bradley in case Zest isn’t lying. Actually vote Brianna along with Borris and Zest. Brianna leaves in a 3-1-1 vote. Bradley would be shook and thankful that we saved him and we’d tell him afterwards that Brianna wanted him out. Then we’re a strong foursome with a goat in Bradley. Would I like to execute this plan? Yes, absolutely. But winning immunity would be just as satisfying. 

Cassie

Waiting on results for this challenge has left me feeling quite nervous. Both Charlie and Joey have their reasons for not being able to catch up as much and it makes me more nervous. I don’t like feeling this way.

Marie

OH MY GOD WE MIGHT NOT GO TO TRIBAL, but then again those might be my famous last words

Lysandre

"So this duolingo challenge is agonizing but I'm giving it all I have so that me and Marie can rock this thing. She wants us to get 1st place because she thinks that the last two tribes will both be going to tribal council. I would agree with her and I'm aiming for first. 

Also can't wait for my movie night with Boris to begin!! I know its going to be good and I plan on solidifying something with him!"

Brianna 

2nd place. But we still have to go to tribal. Ugh. Um. Kind of don’t know what’s gonna happen. Probably gonna be zest or Bradley. 

Felix

Charlie is gone. Or she will be. There's no way the Tuai Quad LLC will vote for each other. Unless we are snakes in the grass. Also, this double tribal council is iconic. Now the stakes are even going into merge. Let's see how this goes

Cassie

Well damn. I had a feeling we wouldn’t make it without a tribal, at least as a whole tribe. It seemed as though the disadvantage didn’t matter too much though as we were below Sumi anyways. Tonight should be the easy vote, I hope.

Marie

THE TRIBE OF TWO LIVES ON!

Felix

"Flint does not trust Joey which is understandable. I mean he doesn't trust Charlie either, but he hasn't talked to either extensively. Joey seems to not have a social game which proves that he is the perfect goat to bring to FTC (at least in this stage in the game). I have no doubt that Charlie will go since Cassie has already cast her vote, and Joey will vote Charlie since he's the other one on the chopping block. I will also vote Charlie. That 3-2 if Flint goes against us. But that most likely will not happen. 

Cassie is so smug. She already cast her vote for Charlie. She cannot fathom us betraying her. She thinks she is in charge of this tribe which might be true. But she's got me so close that she can't see the snakes in her garden. It's infested honey! Flint already has doubts about the alliance, and I'm already plotting your downfall. Her garden of snakes will be the end of her!"

Lysandre

"Wow I can't believe that me and Marie are in the lead for this challenge!!

And my movie night with Boris was a huge success from it I learned that he has half of a super idol and he found an advantage that allowed him to see how many alliances a person was in and he chose Felix and revealed it was 2 alliances he was in. I first had to share my extra vote with him and we were solid.  We started watching Knock Down The House documentary on Netflix and so Alexandria Ocasio Cortez or AOC for short was the icon that we bonded over. Since I had already seen the documentary I had just opened my duolingo in another tab and continued that lmao I refuse to lose!! Towards the end when AOC won I decided to really really solidify things with Boris by telling him about my idol. LITTLE DID I KNOW Boris the Brute had an idol as well!! From that point we decided to really work together and share our collective power. 

Other notable events during movie night include an exposing Felix party as well as Briana possibly having the other part to the idol. Oh and Me and Boris also decided to name our alliance after AOC. Thats our final 2.. the AOC FINAL 2!!"

Lysandre

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Me and Marie WON!!! Mea WINS and we get to avoid fire making!!! Also Marie was right! The losing TWO tribes went to tribal. SO WE DID THAT by getting first place. Our tribemates had to die for MYSANDRE to rise. 

Now that we won I can't help but hope that Boris survives. He needs to up his social game or else he's in trouble. Apparently his social game is ok at best because Apollo didnt tell him what his advantage was and yet Boris claims they are close so what is the truth. 

Meanwhile me and Marie are discussing the game and our potential future at a merge and a strategy that may work for us. Lets go Mysandre and Lysoris!!

Flint

Ugh this is a tough loss and I’m so torn on what to do. I’ve heard both Joey and Charlie’s names being thrown out as an option. I was close with Joey at the beginning but we’ve seem to have drifted apart. Charlie did better in the challenge so that could also factor into my vote. With all the auction items on the table and talk of a potential merge this could be an interesting tribal. 

Apollo

Imagine, me, finally getting the opportunity to play with Zib Zab. Imagine, me, thinking she was Karen in the beginning of the game. I think Boris is my mom. And if she’s not, And she is Karen, well, she’s doing a great job of being incognito

Marie

It’s so weird not planning for tribal, I’m so proud of lys and myself

Colin

"Last nights movie date has me SHOOK. Im so glad I picked Lysandre, we built such a strong connection in the limited time we were allowed to spend together, and I think despite us barely having time to connect I can consider them my biggest ally, even across tribal lines, so I hope we can both make it to merge in one piece!! 

Lysandre gave me so much info last night; Felix is playing hard asf, there WERE alliances made on one world and the fake swap that I wasnt included in, and both Lysandre and I have our tribe's idols. 

Knowing all of this is a game changer, I have to adapt my strategy to how everyone else is playing and hope it works out in my favor. "

Boris

ALSO this double tribal is ugly at. Bradley did the absolute bare minimum to not get a strike but we all see how poorly hes performing. Ugh I want him gone so badly so that we can have a strong tribe going into merge. Apollo and Zest are giving me a little push back, insisting Brianna is more of a threat but i don't care!! We got way bigger threats to worry about when merge hits!! We need to make it through as a stronger tribe, not a weaker one

Felix

Welp, she's gone. I wonder how things will go for Sumi. I'm just excited to make it to the merge!

Flint 

The last tribal went off as hoped with no idols or funny business played. I feel bad for voting Charlie out but I can’t play with my heart and need to toughen up to make it far in this game. 

Lysandre

It feels so good to not have a tribal or fire to worry about?? I am really relieved lol. It looks like Charlie left and thats ok because I didn't even know the person. I just hope Boris doesn't die lmao. I hope he uses his idol this round though.

Apollo

"https://media1.tenor.com/images/224ee4a75a647fa6154d57dfada003ac/tenor.gif?itemid=13920223

I suppose I’ll be a passenger for now. Brianna is going to stay and Bradley will be leaving if all goes according to plan. I’ll let Borris take control so that he becomes a bigger target than I come the merge. I love Borris but I guess I would cut him if it was a f2. I’m going to try and use this time to try and get Zest to be my f2 partner."

[mclennunf]

This Boy - Chapter 31

A/N: yes its a day early!! enjoy :) 

~John's~

"You got bloody married?!" George shot up off his kitchen chair and onto his feet, running over to the doorway where I was standing and throwing his arms around me. "That we did!" I chuckled, hugging him back. "Sit down, sit down! Have a cuppa tea." George was nearly vibrating he was so happy. "I'm sorry Paul wasn't the one to tell ye." I apologized as I sat down with him at the table. "It's alright, mate! I can understand why it needed to be just between the two of ye." George brushed it off, and poured my tea.

"So tell me about it! I thought there might have been a reason for you two runnin' off so soon before the trial." George was extremely intrigued. I was never one to talk gushy shite. "Ah Paul will fill you in on all the soft details, Geo." I laughed, blowing on my tea. "Speaking of the trial.." I sighed. "You're nervous, huh?" George observed, crossing his legs and allowing his face to drop to a more serious expression. "'Course I am. But, you should see Paul. He's a nervous wreck." I went on.

"Sharing our emotions now, John? Thought you didn't dig the soft talk." George joked with me. "Nah I'm only joking, go on, mate." George went back to being serious. "Ah. He was just a shaky mess yesterday, mate." I explained. "Where is he now, then?" George asked, tilting his head like a small puppy. "He wanted t'spend some time with Mike and Gin. Although Gin said she's takin' Mike into Blackpool.. I think Paul just wants some time alone." I admitted, still worried for my husband. "Don't sweat that, John. We both know how Paul can get, he's a worrier. He's an anxious worrier, making it that much worse." George rambled a little bit. I knew he was right, but I couldn't help but worry.

"Yer right, 'e probably just wants some time to think, y'know, prepare himself." I nodded as I sipped on my hot tea. "I was meanin' t'ask Paul this, but I suppose yer just as good..." George began as he stood up to rinse out his now empty cup. "What's that?" I raised an eyebrow and him curiously. "Well, y'know, since I was there for pretty much the whole damned ordeal.. D'ye think Paul would want me to y'know, testify or whatever?" He asked as he sat back down. I smiled at the thought. That would help so much! Paul would feel much better with his best mate up on the stand with him. "George, I know it's not me place  t'say, but I think that's a bloody brilliant idea." I agreed excitedly. "Ye do?!" George asked, his eyes wide. "Yeah, mate. That would help our case substantially, plus I think it would help relax our Paul." I told him. I knew it would help. George had always been there for the both of us, but at the end of the day, he was always there for Paul.

"It makes me sick t'think there's even a slight chance that he won't be sentenced guilty." George added, looking sincerely sick to his stomach. "I think there's a 99% chance of him going away for good, mate. Don't you start worryin' on me, I've already got enough doubt on me hands dealin' with Paul." I tried to joke, but I was serious. I knew this was going to be a bumpy road for all of us. "Y'know I'm gonna worry, mate. You both almost died 'cause of this bastard." George so brutally reminded me. "I know. Those were horrible days, weren't they?" I chuckled a little bit to hide my uneasiness. "Seems like yesterday, though. You came into his life and changed it forever. I could never have done what you did." George became oddly serious. "What do you mean?" I asked, puzzled and concerned for his response. "I mean, you all of a sudden just cared so much. You're the reason he all-of-a-sudden had the courage to stand up t'his father and say no. Remember? When he was tellin' Paul 'n Mike they were moving to Scotland?" George asked, reminding me of the day my husband was almost beaten to death.

"Ye, I remember. Jim almost killed Paul for that. Can't say I'm proud for bein' the reason behind it..." I said with an odd tone, unsure of whether or not I was mad at George for saying that or not. "Nah, mate I don't mean it's your fault he got hurt. I mean you're responsible for giving the kid some damn respect for himself." George smiled slightly as he spoke. I looked at him with disbelief. "You know how Paul was treated at home and at school. If you were him, would you have any self respect either? Betcha' he doesn't think he deserves you." George hit the nail on the head with that one. I knew Paul, and I knew he felt that way. "Yer right. I'm worried because I don't think he sees what Jim did t'him t'be a big deal, y'know? Like just because it was him. If it had been Mike, it'd be different. I think he's worried the judge might see it the same way. If that makes sense." I tried to explain, realizing I was just spewing out my thoughts all at once on George.

"No no, I know what you're tryin' t'say. But mate, I gotta say, when he has someone who loves him as much as you do... I don't think ye 'ave much t'worry about. He's gonna do this, and he's gonna do great." George smiled. Sometimes it was easily forgotten how George was younger than both Paul and I because of how wise he could be. He had such an old soul, and I loved that about him. "Thanks mate." I smiled at George as I spoke. "You two might want to consider telling Ritchie about ye two as well. He's gettin' suspicious." George warned me. "I'm not worried about Ritchie. We'll tell him soon. I'm sure he'll be coming to the trial, yeah?" I asked. "Of course he will! He's gotta be there to support you lads." George told me with a wide smile. "Y'know, I know that rubbish was hard on you too, Geo." I said in a low voice. "It was, yeah." George's smile faded rather quickly. "I know he's your husband now, but he's always been me best mate. I've almost watched him die one too many times, bloody hell, I dream about it still." George admitted, standing up to pour himself another cup of tea nervously.

"George..." I tried to begin, but he wasn't finished yet. "I tried t'fuckin' help 'im, y'know?" He went on. He poured his tea down the drain and opened the cupboard, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. I smirked at the sight. "I knew as soon as his Mum died that things weren't goin' well. Even told me Mum and Dad, they went over there to talk to Jim and he seemed as right as rain." He poured our glasses almost to the rim as he spoke. "Me parents were mad at me, can you believe that? They said I had accused a sorrowing man of abusing his son when all he was doing was mourning the loss of his wife." George took a large gulp, as did I, and we both made a twisted face at the cheap whiskey taste. "Not long after that, the bugger started comin' t'school with a black eye, or cigarette burns on 'is arms. Bloody teachers just thought 'e was gettin' bullied." George was pouring out his horrible memories of his best mate, my husband. It made my heart ache. "Finally I showed up at the McCartney's house unannounced. Which as you know, is quite unlike me. I was goin' t'knock, but I heard Mike screamin', 'e was just a wee baby then. I walked in and that was the first time I found Paul unconscious gettin' repeated blows to the head from his father." George stared down into his glass as he spoke.

My heart was beating fast. I had never considered the fact that this whole situation didn't just mess up Paul, Mike and I, bu it had also clearly messed up our mate pretty bad. "Did Jim come at you?" I asked, the words slipping out of my mouth before I could stop them. I took a long drink from my cup, the same twisted face followed. "Nah. I grabbed Mike and ran home. Got me parents, and of course they called the police. Paul and Mike stayed with us for about a week until the police thought Jim was fit to go home, blamed it on Mary's death." George shook his head again. "D'ye think that's why he started drinkin' so much, though?" I asked, once again not controlling my filter. "Yeah, I do. But the resemblance between Paul and Mary was uncanny. I think it scared Jim, y'know?" George added and I finally watched his face soften. "You knew Mary?" I asked, with a hopeful voice. "Yes! Oh, John you would've loved Mary. Such a sweet woman she was." George smiled as he topped off both of our glasses.

"Paul doesn't talk about 'er much." I said, noticing the alcohol begin to blur my vision even more so than it already was. I pulled my glasses out of my pocket and placed them on my face. "You don't talk about Julia much." George said. His words floored me, I hadn't expected him to bring up Julia. "Well Geo, I didn't know her very well." I sighed. I felt more comfortable now that I had some liquor in my system, otherwise I would've gotten defensive about Julia. "I know, but you should know you can talk about 'er." George tried to comfort me. I smiled at his attempt. I had never really had conversations like this with anybody but Paul, it was refreshing.

"Julia was lovely. Unfit to be my mother, I guess. Or maybe I was unfit to be her son." I sighed as I spoke. "What makes ye say that?" George asked. "Well she was ill, y'know. She couldn't quite handle it. Of course she could when she remarried and had a whole new family. I'm glad I reconnected with 'er, but I also hate that I lost 'er twice." These words were some that I'd never said to anybody before. "I'm sorry, mate." George said, rather quietly. "Ah, it's all over now. I've got you guys for a family now. Dysfunctional and broken, but we're family mate." I smiled at him, watching a smile grow on his face too. I felt myself begin to choke up. I cleared my throat and took another swig of my drink. "So much for not gettin' soft." I laughed, George joining me.

"Well, Geo. As lovely as this as been, I best go check on my husband and make sure he's not gone stroppy on me." I said as I finished my drink, standing up and immediately feeling the alcohol in my wobbly legs. "Alright mate. Come by later, if you and Paul wanna help me finish this bottle to celebrate the secret wedding." George joked as he walked with me to the door. "Ta for everything, mate." I smiled, definitely drunk. "Aye, thank you." George nodded and watched me leave.

It was raining lightly as I walked back to Paul's house, quite refreshing considering I was a little but drunk. I thought about what George had said felt quite guilty. I had never thought about how the whole situation may have effected him in the long run, and it obviously had substantially. I arrived at Paul's and opened the door quietly, realizing it was passed Mike's bedtime. I kicked off my shoes and peered around to see where Paul was. Gin must have been in bed, or else she would've been in her usual spot on the couch reading her books. Paul sat at the kitchen table, looking oddly similar to the scene I had just left at George's. He sat with a bottle of whiskey on the table and a glass, except he was alone. "M'love?" I called to him as I slowly entered the room. "Bad day?" I asked, sitting down across from him. Paul's eyes were blood shot, as if he had seen a ghost. "Paul, yer scarin' me. What's going on?" I asked, reaching across for his hands. He quickly pulled away, his sudden movement scared me. "Paul!" I almost shouted, being cautious of his sleeping family upstairs.

"I can't do this, John." Paul finally looked up at me, revealing tears streaming down both of his cheeks. My heart nearly stopped, my drunken stomach flipped. "Can't do what?" I asked, noticing he was playing with his wedding ring. "No, what the hell do you mean?" I asked sounding a little more angry. "I can't..." Paul began sobbing into his hands. I looked at the bottle of whiskey on the table and noticed there was maybe only a shot left. He was knackered, more so than I was. "I'm going to stay at Mimi's tonight and I'll give you some space." I said as I stood up, heading toward the door. "John?" I heard his small voice say from behind me. I had to repress the anger I was feeling toward him right then. I turned around slowly. "Yes, Paul?" I said, trying to sound soft and sweet.

"I love you."

"I love you too, m'love."

#mclennon #mclennon fanfiction #this boy