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#this is so cringe and self indulgent nobody look
sapphicflower-ao3 · 9 months
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this is taof bkdk in my head
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wroteclassicaly · 4 months
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Pick You Up At 7
(Gator Tillman x Plus size!Female Reader)
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Summary: When your date goes bad, Gator reacts in unexpected ways.
Warnings: Language, implied smut/smut, low self-esteem, body dysmorphia, food insecurity, fat phobia, fat shaming, Gator and reader roast one another, have nicknames, mentions periods, Gator being a tad misogynistic, anxiety, and depression.
Word count: 2,913
Pairings: Gator Tillman x Plus size!Female Reader
A/N: This one isn’t for the faint of heart, folks! It’s straight up self-indulgent, it’s intense. So… yeah. Read the warnings and read at your own risk! Wanted to provide a little release/comfort for myself, and I’m proud of this one!
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You knew they were laughing as soon as you got into the office the next morning. Not so subtle hushed whispers and baiting for remarks that you’d normally snap back with. But you keep your head down, lunch forgotten in the car. You’d never let someone tell you what he had last night, not usually, but you’re sure that it’s what you expect from the guy you hate yourself for really wanting - will do, that’s got you worked up the most.
No, that’s a lie. It’s an added situation, but what happened on your date last night, you’ve never felt so disgusted or panicked.
The men continue to talk before they go back to paperwork and shit talking, leaving you to shed your winter attire carelessly by your rolling desk chair. You sit down as if it’ll break, pulling your long gray buttoned down cardigan over your form. It’s not what you usually wear, either. Proud to show off your figure, knowing the guys here aren’t into your extra pounds, it never bothered you that much to put your cleavage on display while working in the police station as their only secretary. If they have any inkling towards you, then it’s ‘do me a favor’ or ‘get a beer for me, maybe join the rest of the boys as we hit on every other female but you’ kinda thing.
The air in the place changes before the sound of his thick leader combats approaches your desk. You keep your head down and plead, pretending to organize old files that are ready for the shredder.
Please don’t. Please don’t come over here. Please. Please.
“Hey, twerp.” He leans over the counter, vape in one hand, his newly freed arm propped across his other.
You raise a brow as your simple acknowledgement, trying to hold your breath as his cedarwood cologne and mint hair gel soak into your nostrils when he bends down to sort through the little decorative holographic candy dish you keep. Annoyingly, seconds later he’s whining. “Where’s the goods at? The fuck? Shit’s practically empty.”
Go away.
You manage to speak, cringing at how cracked your voice is, dangling over the precipice of breaking down. Here. In front of everyone. In front of him.
“I’m working right now. Go to the Dollar Tree if you want candy so fuckin’ bad.” You don’t even address him with a nickname or his last name. And it unnerves him. With a shove of your small crystal bowl, you watch the leftover mints slosh onto the counter and over your papers, and only then your reaction is what he wants. He needs you to look at him.
He’s smirking and chewing on the filter of his vape, blowing a smoke cloud into the air and making you grit your teeth. That clock in the distance sounds louder, cheaper. And Gator Tillman takes your distracted gaze and creeps around and starts looking at your desk. It’s your space here, regardless. And up until now, he used to know that too. You sigh, asking him what he’s doing,
“Where’s your purse, kid? You must be hiding it all in there. You on the rag, that it? Would explain why you’re being a bitch and the stuff isn’t here.”
“Gator…”
He kicks your coat aside, but pauses his searching when you say his name. Like a damned addiction he can’t yet admit to
“Calm your granny panties down. Where is it at?”
“It’s not here.” You’re losing control of yourself. He keeps pushing.
“Why? You know nobody gives a shit if you bring your red tide plugs in here. Can’t have you bleedin’ all over shit. It’s mighty unprofessional, you know?”
“Take your shriveled little ballsack elsewhere, I’m bored with you.” He’s grateful you’re engaging, hands sliding over his cargo pockets and patting.
“Or —“
Your heart rate accelerates, knowing exactly where this is going. It’s why he originally came to your desk, you’re not stupid.
“ — You didn’t get laid last night. Would also explain this crap.”
“Stop it.” It's pathetic, a weak demand, even to your ears, but it’s all you got, that anxiety clawing your esophagus and winding up around your lungs like a cobweb, squeezing like a vice.
“I told you he was a loser, darlin’. You never listen. So what happened?”
“I asked you to quit.”
“And I asked you what happened. What? He’s too much of a pussy to put it in when there’s a little blood? Did it make him queasy —“
You’re out of your chair and facing him, hands on his leather jacket. And he’s down in your chair, the wheels moving so fast that he flies back and hits the filing cabinet, scattering things everywhere, his legs coming up and then his heels slamming down rather comically. The guys howl in the background, making Gator having to inhale sharply to get it together. You’re walking away from him and down the hall to the restroom where he follows, walking right in behind you and slamming his hand on top of the metal stall door to prevent it from closing.
You try but it’s no use. Your fight is gone, the burn blurs your vision, scorching your throat, making everything hazy.
“You don’t fuckin’ do that to me in front of them, you hear me? You don’t disrespect —“
A sniffle that would’ve been quieter, it echoes in the expanse of the cold, gray walls. You pass him and find yourself clutching the sink, pleading. It’s like you’ve lost all ability to walk, to think, to process how to guard your tightly kept emotions.
And it scares Gator Tillman to death.
“Gator, please just go away?”
His boots creak and squish on the floor as he pivots and finds a space beside you, folding knuckles resting beside your hand, nearly touching, a warmth that threatens you both within its encasement.
“Is this about your outfit? The baggy sweater thing? You know the guys all stare at your big tits when you wear those other tops, right?”
You’d laugh, even be prideful, but you don’t believe a damned thing right now. Because in spite of what he says, you know Gator has a soft spot in his heart that isn’t touched by his namesake’s cruelty. You shake your head and watch him take the vape out, your eyes glistening with tears when you take in his form. He blows a line of smoke and damn near chokes when he sees the actual tears drip down your cheeks.
“Can I have a hit of that?” It’s a bold move. In part because you always roast him for it, and two, because his mouth has just been on it and he’ll get to taste you. You’ll be tasting each other.
He hands it to you, fingers brushing yours. He wants nothing more than to touch you, and he has to fight himself where he stands, feeling an electricity at the nape of his neck that shocks his flesh full of goosebumps, as you wrap your lips around the mouthpiece and puff a few times, coughing. He smiles softly, in spite of the situation.
You, you’re trying to mull over how you can taste his minty saliva beneath the nasty ass acidic fruit cloud that’s misting over your lungs. “Jesus Christ, what flavor is that?”
Taking it back, he’s all too eager to sample you, clicking his lips together and pocketing the vape. “Think it’s banana kiwi.”
There’s a comfortable beat before you both remember why you’re here. It dawns on Gator then, and you both know it. There’s this dark look that pools in the mossy oak of his gaze, drowning out all rationality. His voice cracks sharp, a tone that you’ve never heard before. “Did he hurt you? What happened last night?”
“Just drop it, okay?” You find your voice again, but Gator is already seeing red, a tunnel vision of fire and brimstone with your date from the night prior.
You aren’t ready for it, not in the slightest. Your skin prickles to life, body drenched in elation, relief, and struggling to catch up with your racing heartbeat. His pointer and middle fingers find your chin in the gentlest press, tilting. “Kiddo…”
“Doesn’t matter what he did.”
“You know it fuckin’ does.” Gator’s thumb twitches as it catches a teardrop. It tracks across your jaw and back.
You’re a little angry now, finally snapping at him like an animal that’s cornered. “Fine. You wanna know what he did, Mr. Prom King?” Gator winces at how you use his former title, clearly not impressed. You didn’t run in the same circles and he knows where this is going.
“Twerp, c’mon —“
“Just shut your mouth and listen for once, since you want to know so badly.” Your hands leave the speckled counter and you step away, swiping at your damp eyes. “He took me to dinner and waited until the waiter came to take our orders, to tell them that he wasn’t paying for mine. And you know, I just thought he was a douche. But I guess he had the smarts to wait until the waiter left again before he told me that what I ordered wasn’t appropriate, so he didn’t feel comfortable paying for it.”
Gator, still a little confused, speechless, questions, “Well, what did you get?”
“Steak and fries.” You want to scream at what Gator is not seeing.
“But most people like that kinda shit? I eat that every weekend —“
You blow out a breath that causes you to choke on a small whimper. This causes Gator to change his tune. “Wait…”
“He thought I should have the side salad for ‘someone my size.’ And after dinner was over, he made it a point to inform me that no one would go out with someone dressed in a dress that tight. How embarrassing it is.”
Gator is positively seething now, teeth clenching. And the fact that you wore this for the dickbag and he wasn’t all over you?
“I pointed out that at least half a dozen women in the restaurant were wearing more revealing outfits, that it’s not up to him or anyone else to judge. And he couldn’t wait to cut me off to let me know that he didn’t care about that. He cared about…” Your voice breaks and you laugh in wet disbelief.
“He cared about what?” Gator’s tone is at toxic levels now, nearing a whisper.
There’s no way to hide how you're openly sobbing now, snotting, lower lip quivering. “He cared about girls like me thinking guys like him wanna see someone who weighs this much, wearing something like that.”
“He needs his ass strung up on a barn door and used as target practice —“
“Don’t act like you give a shit, Tillman. I’ve seen the posters in your room, the girls you flirt with at the bars, the ones you talked to in school. Don’t be a fucking marauder with me.”
“How do you know? You didn’t even know me in highschool!” He’s offended and it pisses you off. Another fib. In this small town everyone knows everyone, or at least hears of them - that is a given.
“Oh, I knew you. I knew your crowd. And you all made it abundantly clear I was to stay out of the way. You’re just like all of the other assholes around here when it comes to how you treat women, nothing changes. Weight defines everything, even when it shouldn’t, no matter what body type a person has. It always does to people.”
“Then why the fuck did he ask you out if he was going to act like a bitch?” Gator goes straight for it with a sigh of confusion.
You laugh this time, a sound that levels Gator with diabolical unease. “He was bored and wanted someone to get him off, so he thought I’d be an easy enough, sure thing. Entitled fucking prick.”
It’s a somber silence after, your dying sniffles ceasing as you swipe your nose and attempt to collect yourself, stomach hollow and nauseated. You can’t stay here anymore, not after this. You manage to look at Gator and step with one hand on the bathroom door. “I’m going back to work. If you can not tell the other guys, I’d appreciate it.”
And as Gator is left alone in the cool, dim light bathroom, he’s already formulating an idea, going straight out the back entrance and into his squad car.
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The next hour went by quicker than you thought, giving you time to push away all thoughts of your confrontation and reveals with Gator. You’ve given him more ammo to tease you with, but you’re also wondering why he’s not here? You’re in the midst of stacking new department funding files when you hear it. Your date’s voice.
“I didn’t do nothin’! You know I didn’t!”
And another, one that has your mouth going dry.
“Get your ass movin’, pencil dick.”
Your jaw is close to dropping, becoming unhinged seconds later as Gator rounds the corner in his gear, your date’s collar clutched in his fist, the vape in the other, and a very noticeable split across your date’s lip, complete with a bloodied nose. Gator stops short in front of the desk, shoving your date into its edge. He’s panting heavily, raising a brow at you, Gator amused from behind.
“Hey, twerp.” Gator grins like the Cheshire Cat. “Got a booking for ya to process!”
“I… what?” You come up with.
“You gonna tell her what you did, shitbird?”
“What’s going on?” You and Gator are going back and forth, your former date nearly ignored. This is not a coincidence. And you’re practically glued to your chair at the notion that Gator went after him in your honor.
Does this mean…?
“Caught this fucker side swiping candy at the damned Dollar Tree. What kind of prick does that when it’s a dollar?”
“I was not!” Your date is shouting.
The Dollar Tree? Wait…
You feel as if you’ve been hit with a pillow and swallowed the feathers, enjoying their light tickles that scratch at your throat. You want to laugh. By golly, you almost do. Gator whistles for another officer that takes your date down the hall. Seconds later he’s leaning on bended elbows, jacket crunching, his voice a whispered hum for you to hear, and you alone.
“Didn’t wanna forget this.” He unravels his arms and slides one into his pocket, his massive palm full of the candy you both like. He lets it spill into your dish, waiting a few beats before speaking again. “All good now.” With a snatching of his favorite piece of chocolate, he knocks his knuckles on your countertop.
“Get him processed in, yeah?”
You nod dumbly, watching him walk away. He turns around and waves with one finger, however, before he meets the other policeman and your ex-date.
“By the way, be ready at seven. I’m gonna pick you up and we’ll get supper.” He elgonates a leather clad arm, fingertips drumming on the doorway. His voice is raspy when he focuses back on you, eyes dark in a completely different way. “Wear that dress too.”
Your legs tighten together and you pinch at your cardigan, fanning yourself.
“You get your ass movin’ down that hallway, short stack!” Gator finishes, turning to you one last time and flashing a cheeky little wink.
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Gator did indeed pick you up in his truck. Seven on the dot. He wore nice dark jeans and a crisp white button up, loosened to let a silver chain peek out, nestled amongst the thick chest hair, his leather jacket over him, hair slicked back, and his watch and normal boots. You wore that tight dress with a little unease, and slightly heeled boots over your sheer black tights, a few rings adorning your hands. When Gator walked you to your side of the car after walking you out of your house, you weren’t regretting anything about the purchase of the form fitting dress any longer.
When you got to dinner, Gator waited as you ordered, encouraging you to get the steak and fries that he knew you wanted. And after drinks, you shared the biggest piece of chocolate cake in the joint. Conversation flowed easy, felt good. Your old date wasn’t mentioned, but you both knew. Gator had taken you back to his place (per your request), where he’d laid you down in his bed and held your legs open until you were begging him to fuck you. And that he did.
His hand splayed atop yours, your dress around your waist, he’d taken you from behind, plaster escaping his paneled wall as a result. When that had ended, he’d stripped you free of everything, and walked you to his mirror, chin on your shoulder, fingers in your cunt. Showing you what he liked about your body, but telling you that it doesn’t matter what anyone but you thinks. And if anyone thinks differently, he’d put them all away. Impractical, but enough to cause you to cream his thick digits and soak his floor.
The next day, you’d worn your most low cut top with pride, settling at your desk to another empty candy dish. When you look up, Gator is smiling in your direction, that damned vape in one hand, candy wrapper in the other.
We all need someone to help us feel good about ourselves sometimes.
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kotawolf · 4 months
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some us!papyrus fanart (my first ever, despite him being my fav) for the soul, with some personal biz under the cut if you're interested
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undertale as a whole has been like. a huge comfort media for me ever since it came out. I listened to the music forever, created a bunch of 'fanart' (I traced cause I didn't know any better) and I enjoyed all the stories and comics early undertale provided. but, once one of my close friends (who also was very big into undertale) and I eventually drifted away, I got much more. closeted about my love of undertale and eventually it's au's. I didn't even share this love with my new pals that came along, and I felt so. guilty and embarrassed by it that it took years into a serious relationship to be able to talk about it and share it with my partner.
I'm not sure why, tbh. I was never bullied about it, or picked on. nobody said it was bad to like. but after I lost the one person I shared my enjoyment of it with, I just closed that part off. It was even difficult for me to like posts or follow accounts that posted it, id just ghost follow by remembering their usernames and repeatedly look them up
but now!!!! Im breaking my silence. I will draw art I will read self indulgent works and I will follow the accounts that post the things I like.
I am cringe, but I am free.
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icyminghao · 11 months
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biker!sungho
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pairing: sungho x gn!reader genre: fluff, headcannon, college!au
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biker!sungho who would wait for you outside the building your lectures are usually held in, leaning against his bike with one leg crossed over the other, so he could take you home or bring you out for a meal, and does so whenever possible, even if he has to wait outside for really, really long (he doesn’t ever tell you that though, so you’re under the impression that your schedules align perfectly when in reality sungho has to travel from all the way across campus to get to you, but he does it everytime because to him, you’re worth it.)
biker!sungho who is the black cat in the relationship (you’re the golden retriever), who seems so intimidating and unapproachable to anyone who isn’t you, which you don’t understand because your boyfriend is the biggest and sweetest goofball out there! he lets you braid his hair, paint his nails, and agrees to almost everything you say (except for the one time you asked him to ride the rollercoaster with you. he’s afraid of heights.)
biker!sungho who makes you wear his leather jacket around campus so people know he’s your boyfriend (although it really isn’t necessary, with how the two of you are inseparable it’d be a surprise to find someone who doesn’t know the two of you are in a relationship)
“Hey, you look lonely,” a man comes up to stand beside you while you wait on the sidewalk for Sungho, who’s running late today because he had a club meeting. You cringe visibly at his words, and choose to ignore him, whipping out your phone instead.
“Are you single? There’s no way someone as cute as you doesn’t have a partner,” the man continues, clearly not taking the hint.
Right this moment, you hear the ever-familiar sound of a bike engine revving. Just in time, you think, as Sungho pulls up in front of you and takes his helmet off, pushing his hair back in one swift movement that never fails to render you speechless.
“Hey, sweetheart. Sorry for being late.” Sungho breaks out into a soft smile reserved for you and you only, and his expression hardens when he notices the man beside you. “Who’s this?”
As if he saw a ghost, the man mumbles an apology and turns around to leave immediately. You giggle. “Everyone is so scared of you, it’s funny.”
“Is it, now? Do I scare you, then?” Sungho huffs, crossing his arms in mock frustration.
You smile endearingly, moving to squish his face in your hands. “No, you’re my squishy baby. Why would I be scared of you?”
Sungho turns so red you feel the urge to take a picture. It’s too bad moments like these are ones you’d have to keep to yourself, because nobody would believe you if you were to tell them how much of a sentimental goofball your boyfriend was.
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a/n: this was super self-indulgent i love sungho so much
masterlist
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silverzoomies · 6 months
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was talkin' to a friend abt this today. figured i'd drop it here too
shame comes to us so easily. it's like an instinct, to look at yourself and your hobbies as cringe. if you're anything like me, you're overly self conscious about your interests. because for whatever reason, as you grew up, you learned to feel ashamed of yourself. ashamed of your hobbies.
you shouldn't be.
nobody looks at the sixty year old man, as he puts together intricate train sets and thinks: wow. cringe. childish. dumb. he should do something else with his time
no. we consider that a hobby like any other. maybe it stems from childhood in some way, or perhaps a fixation and love of trains. even so, it comes from a place of passion. and so do your interests.
i know it isn't easy, but think about it for a sec. recall the hobbies you once had as a kid. your favorite hyperfixations or interests. back then, they made you so happy, didn't they? when we look at those days, we do so with nostalgia. we tell ourselves - gosh, i'd give anything to go back in time, and feel that again. in that same way.
consider your hobbies now. your interests. the fixations and passions you're so ashamed of. someday, ten, maybe even twenty years from now; you're gonna look back. you're gonna wish - with all your heart and soul - that you could relive this again. to feel the inspiration and passion for those things you love. in that same, magical way you do now.
it's time to stop being ashamed. dive head first into your interests and passions. indulge in your hyperfixations and hobbies. no matter how society perceives them. no matter how anyone perceives you. if you're having fun, and you're not hurting yourself, or anyone else in the process. enjoy yourself while you still can.
be as unapologetic as the sixty year old with his train sets.
future you is gonna look back. make them do so fondly.
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lollytea · 1 year
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I don't know if anyone has said this before, or who came up with the idea but Hunter would absolutely be the kind of person to doodle himself and willow as wolves and in love whilst kicking his feet and giggling (as soon as someone else walks in though he would be throwing the entire book out the window)
It's so funny because Hunter has a tendency to talk to himself. He's very loud. But I think he'd be drawing his little wolfsonas and getting so giddy and overwhelmed by the thought of it that he is rendered incapable of even articulating what he's feeling but he still has to make some noise.
He's so embarrassed that he's doing this and also he's so PUMPED by how much fun he's having and he's jittery with how smitten he is with his little self indulgent wolf au and he's getting a thrill from it because there's nobody around to stop him and nobody will ever know. He is cringe but he is free. So he's overstimulated, he's kicking, he's giggling, he's squealing a little, he's trying to make words but all that's coming out like "WHAT IF-!!" *scribbles a green streak in wolf!Willow's fur* "SO COOL!! IT'S--JUST GOTTA--AAA!!! TEETH!!!" *makes wolf!Hunter's teeth sharper* "YES!! YESSS!!!!!"
Like he's trying to be low-key about it cuz this is supposed to be a secret but the whole fucking house can hear him. They're politely ignoring the racket he's causing.
He's like a little mad scientist bringing his creation to life. Except his creation happens to be his drawings of him and the girl he likes as wolves nuzzling together.
That's the kicker here that's making him go fucking bonkers. Hunter draws wolves all the time and he shoves them in the face of everybody who will look but drawing himself and Willow being affectionate wolves is a HUGELY personal thing. Hunter's equivalent of pouring his heart out in a love letter or whatever.
And God if Willow happened to catch him in the act and he's got nowhere to throw it, he might be inclined to eat the fucking sketchbook. He was SO in the zone and SO gushy that Willow sneaking up on him spooked out a full blown scream of terror. His whole face is set fucking ablaze. All he can really do with the sketchbook is drop it, fucking lunge after it and clumsily scrabble to make a grab for it before it hits the floor and clutch the stupid thing close against his chest like it's his first born, still heaving as he recovers from his fright.
Willow hadn't meant to scare him, she just wanted to see what he was doing. He was usually excited to show her his little drawings. He'd also blush really bad when she complimented them, which was super cute, so Willow usually sought out stuff to praise him for. Wasn't hard. He WAS the coolest dude ever.
Willow can absolutely tell he's embarrassed and she assumes it's because he doesn't think his latest drawing is very good. He often points out when he messes up proportions or other errors, so it's not unlike him to be shy about showing others art he's not proud of.
"Can I see your drawing?" She asks with a soft smile. She has no intention of pushing it if he says no, but she's always curious to see the stuff he makes.
But a detail Willow hasn't entirely grasped yet (she gets the basics) is that the softer her voice gets, the harder it is for Hunter to tell her no. He can clearly tell she's not pressuring him into anything. He can tell she's giving him plenty of an option to keep this to himself. She's always just SO nice to him and ugghhhh!!!!
Completely mute, eyed locked on the floor, ears scalding, Hunter ends up handing her the sketchbook.
And Willow goes completely fucking batshit insane.
"Is this us??" She demands, pumped as hell. "Is this us as beasts??? That's so fucking cool!!! Look at sharp your teeth are, look how awesome my hair looks!!!" She catches him by the face and squeezes his cheeks "You are SO talented!!!"
Willow praises him RELENTLESSLY and Hunter's just there like
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He really does gobble her attention up. He really does. Gets him all floaty and smiley for hours afterwards. Nerd.
Anyway Willow is obviously aware he has a bit of a thing for her but she doesn't know a lot about wolves. So the specifics of their little affectionate touches in the doodles completely fly over her head.
"Are our wolf selves friends?" She asks "Is that why we're hugging like that?"
Hunter's ears light up like poppies and, knowing full well that he added those gestures of affection with the idea in mind that their wolfsonas were mated for life, decides to choke out "Um. Yeah. We're friends."
Its not technically a lie. They're just very good friends.
Anyway Hunter nearly fucking faints later that day when Willow tucks her head in the crook of his neck, nuzzles into it then smiles up at him and says "It's just like we're wolves :D 💕"
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loosingmoreletters · 9 months
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"Court Drama, where Wei Wuxian fakes his death just so that people end up assuming he was murdered and pin the murder on his new identity."
My first read of that sentence was that he set up the whole thing - and I was trying to figure out what the end game would be. He wants to infiltrate a prison? Trying to uncover some other plot? Then I reread it and...now I think it was unintentional? He tried to fake his death but it got all messed up and now he's on trial for his own murder?
The latter yeah. Also an entirely self-indulgent omegaverse fic though I suppose you could technically write it without.
Uuuh essentially, due to some bullshit kinda shaped like the Wen starting their campaign, we get a wangxian arranged marriage. And Wei Wuxian goes into this under the assumption that he'll have shit to do. Meanwhile, we got LWJ and a guilt complex over landing WWX in this position so he just leaves WWX on his own? Just a whole lot of miscommunication.
And when the Wen do attack, Wei Wuxian decides "okay fuck this actually" and gets out because he's got better things to do than sit around doing nothing all day. So he runs off v much with the intention of faking his death in some form, but also the Wen very much did attack and there's a whole lot of blood and strange-looking talismans so the assumption is that Wei Wuxian is brutally killed, which ends up escalating the war.
And WWX, never idle, decides not to fuck with that perception and hide his identity. He comes across Wen Ning and Qing, some others, and kind of decides to pull a YLLZ.
Sunshot Campaign goes down, and the other sects/kingdoms/dukedoms idk gotta figure that out, are a little sus because WWX did take in Wen, even if he was fighting on their side. And then he pulls something that reminds people of the aftermath of his 'murder' so they end up thinking that the fearsome YLLZ murdered poor Wei Wuxian.
Self-indulgency featured into it because I was fucking around with the thought of a-Yuan as a wangxian baby and WWX partially staying away bc the whole miscommunication left him with the assumption he'd gonna end up like Madam Lan and well, better to run off when nobody knows and is on his case yet about potential heirs, right?
So yeah, idk if I'll ever actually write this bc sometimes my brain shelves anything vaguely omegaverse miscommunication mpreg plot into "this is so cringe, nobody wants to read this Letters, this is daydream material only" category and I feel guilty. Anyway, the summary in my notes is something like:
When the dust settles and the Emperor declares war, the entirety of the jianghu knows this: the Yiling Laozu killed Consort Wei.
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lovesick-level-up · 8 months
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Zhongli + Diluc Designs (Ajax Memory Edition)
nobody requested, super self indulgent.
so recently the others decided to encourage me to make these. i don't know why, but they were pretty fun. basically, these are what zhongli and diluc looked like in my fictive memories. its not too complicated. there's not many actual changes i could show (like zhongli being literally 7 foot tall), but it was nice to do edits of them as i remember them. i could probably talk about my version of the genshin universe for hours. but i'm not going to do that.... i'll put it under the cut though, because fuck you, this is my blog too. ~ ajax 🐋🗡️🧊
please don't use or claim as your own! unless you want to make me some gifts, which i would be very greatful for.
cringe mode activated, time to talk about my fictive memories as if they were real and not our brain coping. i've accepted it, don't worry, its just fun to talk about.
so, i'm from an au. not much changed, zhongli was more of like a, figurehead like a british monarch, but was also still just a fucking nerd. i was his bodyguard for a bit. you can imagine how it went. he was seven foot tall, betrayed the shit out of me and did have a sexy dragon form. it was basically a fanfiction.
diluc ended up part of the fatui after realising that our stuff actually made sense and wasn't stupid - we were trained together. he never went back to mondstadt. he was five foot tall, beat me up constantly and he was great. the others find it hilarious how different my diluc was to our old diluc fictive.
i could talk about everyone else i knew, but this is already getting too long and i can't talk about everything, because i would be here forever. sadly.
i was a gay mess. no surprises there. everything was pretty much the same with me, except i got did in universe, i don't know how that works either.
my memories stop at like, the liyue arc. i think. though i did know yoimiya and xinyan. i should do them next, but i'll just do that with that redesign series we are doing.
and my thoughts on the new fontaine arc are 'it is not the first time i've been in prison or the last. or the first time i've been beaten up by a dragon guy either. people thinking i'm dead is hilarious. i'm just having a gay old time discovering my backstory.'
~ ajax 🐋🗡️🧊
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saintsenara · 1 month
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Another ask, this time just for fun. What are your thoughts on original characters in fanfic? Furthermore, what about fanfics that center around original characters?
thank you very for the ask, @hauntingpercival
and the answer is that i am a great defender of original characters in fanfiction because fanfiction is a hobby we do for fun - which means we are entitled to do whatever the fuck we want when writing.
i think that it's incredibly unchic behaviour when people decide they're suddenly professional editors exclusively to complain about their presence in stories - and i don't think there's anyone in fandom who can cast a stone against others when it comes to being a little self-indulgent in their writing...
because - of course - it's basically impossible to write a story set in the harry potter universe [even with the lightning generation] which doesn't use original characters at some point.
even if your protagonist is the most canon-accurate version of the character ever to walk around canon-accurately, co-workers and fellow students and parents and siblings and love interests and friends and shop assistants and random passers-by all need to be pulled from the ether to add colour to the story - and this is especially the case if an author wants to delve into themes or eras which are overlooked in the canon narrative.
as someone who writes a lot about voldemort's life, i have needed to come up with plenty of original characters to serve as his teachers, schoolmates, fellow orphans and so on - and i think it's worth saying that while some of these, like abraxas malfoy, are mentioned in canon, the fact we know nothing canonical about them beyond their names means that they function as original characters too.
and i find it tremendous fun.
[and i've spoken elsewhere about my favourite oc - romulus lestrange - father of the erstwhile rodolphus and rabastan.]
and i do think that it's worth offering a defence of that fun element - i see a lot the suggestion that it's a bit cringe [or, perhaps, a bit arrogant] to take original characters seriously, but i actively enjoy thinking up character details and writing characterisation notes and so on for people who exist exclusively in my head. and - yes - i think the process of fleshing out oc's has broader benefits to me as a writer, but that's really a secondary point next to the fact that it's fun.
i also love naming oc's - and i want to offer here a defence not only of fun but of whimsy.
it has been my great pleasure while writing one year in every ten - which is a murder mystery formed of three different poirot novels in a trenchcoat - to cram in as many characters named after crime writers or stars of classic detective novels as possible.
[when i'm taking things a bit more seriously, i like thinking about the class vibes of the series when making sure any pureblood original characters have anglo-norman names...]
and so - while we're taking a stance in favour of fun and whimsy - i think it's important to also back stories centred around original characters. and to do this even when these oc's are transparently author self-inserts.
all too often the conversation around oc's focuses on how to make them "good" - how to make them unclockable as a self-insert, how to avoid writing a mary-sue, and so...
but i think that's the wrong way to look at it.
people write mary-sues because they want to - because fanfiction is escapism and because sometimes it's nice to imagine yourself as flawless and beloved. people write self-insert because they want to - because it's fun to imagine yourself as part of a fictional world which means a lot to you.
i'm not sure i'd personally find writing an original character self-insert fun [largely because i'm a mess and nobody would want to read about me] - and, to telegraph my own hypocrisy, i really don't like it when characters who have a lot of canon material behind them turn into unrecognisable author surrogates [hence my enmity with fanon!hermione], which i do think it can be argued is a meaningfully different phenomenon...
but people who do enjoy it? well, i love that for them. not everything has to appeal to me, after all.
and - even when oc's aren't mary-sues or intentional author inserts - sometimes it's nice to give the responsibility of telling the story you want to tell to a character of your own, instead of asking a character who has to be dragged from canon to do it for you.
and i know that i do find writing a story centred around these sort of oc's fun because i'm... doing it.
metallurgy - the upcoming sequel to bookbinding - hinges entirely on its original characters: the seven children [since seven is the most powerful magical number] of tom riddle and myrtle warren. these lot are causing carnage in the wizarding world of the 1970s, and i am very much enjoying the ride...
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luwritesomething · 1 year
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Mickey Altieri x Reader: obnoxiousmas.
Words: 1095
Warnings: probably swearing and a carrie joke, idk i wrote this a long time ago.
Summary: it's almost christmas and you hate crowds, but you have to go gift-shopping with your friends and mickey.
Author's note: this was extremely self-indulgent since i'm christmas #1 hater. what can i say, i don't remember anything that happens in here, but i think it can be read as established relationship. reqs are open !!! request for mickey, stu, billy... please?? OH, you can also read this in my aoc account, which is here.
Christmas was obnoxious, loud and annoying. But sure, it was also colorful, vibrant, jolly and fun; and that was what people decided to think about during the winter holidays. A time to forgive and have fun with your beloved ones, that was what was all about — and the presents and the food formed an important part of it, too.
People’s optimism about the holiday, however, didn’t make its negative aspects disappear, which the Windsor’s golden friend group proved on their first time buying presents together. You, Hallie, Randy and Mickey had decided to stay in Windsor for the holidays instead of going back to your hometowns — at the last minute, Sidney had dropped that plan in exchange of spending Christmas with Derek and his family back at his house. It had been a bummer, but you all had agreed to still make this Christmas worth remembering. What you would definitely not forget was the annoying crowd that was holding you back from moving through the streets.
You and Mickey had gone to get Randy’s presents — you actually needed Mickey’s help to choose a good videotape for him — while Hallie and Randy went to another store, and when you too came out of the shop you bumped into a ridiculously big amount of people. You could already feel the anxiety rushing through your veins.
“Oh, shit,” you murmured, throwing your head back in annoyance. You definitely weren’t a fan of big crowds with lots of people.
Mickey looked at you from the corner of his eyes. “You truly are the spirit of Christmas yourself, aren’t you?” 
“Whatever, Mickey.” You rolled your eyes, but a playful smile slid into your face. “This is just crazy. We won’t ever be able to get back to the dorms” 
He raised an eyebrow. “Is that a challenge?” His eyes stared at the crowd once again before returning to yours. “I smell a challenge, my sweetie pie”
Your face immediately cringed. “What did you just call me, Altieri?” You couldn’t hold back a laugh because of the obnoxious pet names he gave you on the most unexpected moments. He was the master of annoyance.
“You don't like it?” Mickey faked a pout that made you laugh.
“So, what’s the plan?”
Without answering your question, Mickey searched for your hand. You had already gotten used to Mickey’s touchy love language, but it still gave you a rush of adrenaline every time his fingers locked with yours. 
Once Mickey made sure he was holding your hand firm enough, he started dodging the people, and making his way through the words. His strong hold made you not get lost in between the people, forcing them to move and let you pass too.
“Call Hallie and Randy,” said Mickey, turning his head to look at you. You smiled at him softly, and he returned your smile. “You know, so they don’t wait for us”
You nodded, and although you struggled to take your phone from your pocket, you did as he said. Having you been focused on calling one of them and not helping him get out of the busy street made things more difficult for Mickey, but he still kept trying to make people on your way move, mouthing words of forgiveness he didn’t really mean.
“Randy!” You exclaimed, once he finally picked up the phone, after the second call. 
“There’s a shit ton of people here, this almost looks like Carrie’s prom!” Randy’s voice came out as bothered as you had imagined him to be. He wasn’t the most sociable of people unless he had a drink first. “Let’s just hope nobody covers anybody with pig’s blood”
You rolled your eyes at the horror movie reference. “Yeah… I guess. Hey, listen, Mickey and I are going back to the dorms”
“What?” Randy was so loud that you had to move your phone from your ear. You opened your mouth to repeat yourself, but Randy had already started talking. “Fuck, we were already heading to the store you guys said”
“Don’t.” You glanced at Mickey to make sure he was doing okay. His determination to get out of there was almost cute. “See you at Hallie’s?”
“Yeah, sure”
You nodded, although he couldn’t see you, and after hanging up you returned the phone to its place in your pocket. Taking a look around, you realized there weren’t so many people anymore. The release of anxiety it caused made you squeeze Mickey’s hand softly, like a reward, which resulted in him turning his head to make sure you were okay. Mickey flashed his smile when he found you already looking at him.
“You made it,” you smiled, nudging him with your elbow.
“We made it.” Mickey corrected, chuckling quietly under his breath. He pulled you closer to him thanks to your joined hands, and he didn’t let go. “Although you’re probably right because I did most of the hard work, you know”
You scoffed, playfully rolling your eyes as you walked next to him. “Yeah, because it was such a hard job to walk past a group of people”
“How dare you? It was a very big group of people. In fact, it was a crowd.” Mickey did his best to put on an indignant face, although he totally cracked when you raised a defiant eyebrow at him. His hand pressed yours firmly, like he wasn’t planning on ever letting it go even though you had already gotten out of that crowd. It looked like a good plan for you, because you weren’t planning on letting go either. “Next time I won’t do it, I’m tellin’ ya. You’re getting out of there yourself, Y/N”
“Oh, poor, unfortunate little me.” You mocked, with a serious face on, although a giggle escaped your mouth when he nudged you with his elbow. By the smile on his face, he looked like he wanted to say something, but he remained mysteriously silent. “What?”
“Nothing,” he chuckled, swinging your hands together back and forth. He felt like a kid in Christmas, exactly like that
“M-Kay.” You murmured, still looking at him from the corner of your eyes. Mickey continued to smile widely. “You’re weird”
Mickey hummed in agreement, and he made no effort to try and debate about it. You two continued to walk towards the residence hall in silence and holding hands — and Mickey continued to smile, thinking about how much he liked you, although keeping it to himself because he liked the way your eyebrows twitched whenever you noticed him smiling at you for no evident reason.
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about my story, "ryan: sins of the father"!
this is a story about a boy named ryan, finally facing the crimes of his father. for so long he idolized his father, saw him as perfection, but slowly that image will unravel. along the way, he'll unravel himself, as well. can ryan ever forgive himself? can ryan ever be a good person? can ryan be a good brother? can ryan be a good lover? let's find out!
note: this is a multi-fandom fic, where characters will be from and travel to various movies/shows/games. the main characters are undertale aus/headcanons; ryan himself and his brother are sans and papyrus aus respectively, and their father is gaster. they're not meant to be entirely accurate (i mean, for one, it's unlikely that canon sans and papyrus are fallen humans at all.), they've always just been my own interpretations of the characters. with heavy projection. with that in mind, i should also state that this has been in the works since 2015-2016 or so, so it's pretty self-indulgent and cringe but i like it that way!!! i've projected too heavily onto this and i'm constantly brainrotting it so i can't just abandon it!!!
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the star of the show, my behated /neg, it's ryan gallagher! the 23 year old manfailure, whose personality i would describe but it's almost 7,000 words long what the fuck ryan!!!! (writing him was a pain holy shit) but to sum it up he's a little messed up lying bitchface (explodes him with my mind) i will insult him a lot but i also projected onto him extremely heavily so idk if that says a lot about me or not. um. it's a semi-joke and it's been long-running that i hate him (i have extremely strong feelings about him /neg) but it's (mostly) not really serious. this guy needs therapy but he's terribly in denial and he is committed to destroying himself and all of his relationships before that happens 🙄 like just stop lying lmao (i am a hypocrite) his backstory is not written yet because. i'm fucking terrified of how long that's going to take and how long it's going to be because i'm planning for all of the stuff that felix and wiley's backstories missed (they're kind of written from their perspective but also not because third person??? idk man) and holy shit. if you thought his personality was bad. or if you thought it wasn't as bad as the trigger warnings made it seem. they're mostly for the backstory. as a sans au he fucking lost it and killed frisk, but that exploded his timeline so he panicked and absorbed the souls, and he's here now ig do not go to his toyhouse i am begging
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aaaaa it's him!!!!! felix gallagher!!!! the bestest ever <333 i love him sm /p this is ryan's younger brother, 22 years old and loving life!!! he's optimistic, loves to help, and totally doesn't have any sort of anxieties rooted from his brother manipulating his life!!! (he does) he seems quite confident and independent, but he feels like ryan's babying can undermine his individuality. at the same time, he doesn't like to think such things of his brother, surely ryan knows what's best for him? as a papyrus au, he befriended flowey and gained the courage to fight back against frisk and absorb the seven souls to fix his glitched timeline, but that backfired, so here he is now! felix toyhouse :]
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aislinn gallagher, felix and ryan's mother, dearly missed ;-; she may be gone, but her absence has left a void in many a heart, and her short-lived presence in the gallaghers' lives has affected them deeply. visit her in the garden?
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why he look like that wtf (you may notice that a lot of the art in these posts are. inconsistent. and to that i say, a lot of this art is made across the span of a couple of years so. yeah.) anyway this is wiley gallagher he's 43 years old and i might joke about how much ryan is a terrible person but i'm serious when i say this man is literally AWFUL. like. i'm not kidding. he has not a single redeeming quality and not in the "haha silly" kind of way i mean. i hope literally nobody likes him because actually. what the fuck. i wrote him to be an irredeemable disgusting piece of shit and he's staying that way. there are sympathetic aspects to his story because otherwise it'd be a bit boring y'know but like. straight up. he's not a good person. he's the villain for a reason lmao uhhhh ramble aside he's a scientist who hates his sons and wants to reach the edge of scientific possibility, whether or not that destroys the universe he doesn't really care (great guy). he just wants to be the smartest dick to have ever lived, and hold all of the scientific knowledge ever or something like that. egotistical with an overinflated sense of what he's capable of. writing his backstory actually made me sick like /srs i took "gaster is associated with the devil" and ran with it (also you can't tell me that gaster in canon doesn't seem like a piece of shit?) i'd advise only to go to his toyhouse to send him hate.
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so r:sotf was originally not even a multifandom story, it was just an undertale multiverse story, which is why there's such a focus on undertale characters. so here's chara, flowey/asriel, and frisk dreemurr, and the other fallen children (noah, icarus, and madeline)!!! i've never liked how the fandom interprets chara personally, like the whole "chara is an evil demon child" or "chara is abusive and hateful" like. this is a ten year old. what the fuck. like yeah most of the ut fandom especially back then were children but why do children hate children lmao anyway. chara and flowey have issues to work out but they're getting through it!!! i believe in them. read more about my interpretations of chara, flowey/asriel, and frisk on deviantart (since i can't upload them to toyhouse)!!!
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meet ginger clair and jacinta bardales, two rivals who are some of the first people that ryan meets once his (dead) timeline kicks him out!! the girlypop and gamer goth girl hate each other oh no :[ the 19 and 20 year olds have a bit of a history with each other and ryan's getting caught between the crossfire ginger is glittery pink mr beast and jacinta is matpat if he was a goth lesbian (i'm so sorry) i'm very normal about women here's pink toyhouse and purple toyhouse yeah
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this isn't hello kitty, it's oisin kelly, silly!!! i saw hello kitty goth fashion once and knew that i needed to make an oc that was just. that. and here he is!! ryan meets the 22 year old in the world after ginger and jacinta's, where he also finds felix and flowey. oisin is hiding them from the government!!! yippee! oisin likes baking and cake decorating, and sees a lot of potential in ryan (i don't see it but you do you) and bow's trying to support him which is nice :] not worth it though me when hello kitty on toyhouse????
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yes that is the ok ko character base, because edward chen is an ok ko oc!!!! (ok ko is such a silly show you should watch it NOW!!!!) his hero name is multi-magician and this 23 year old is very chill, maybe even stoned. (you know those characters where they're ambiguously high. yeah) yes ryan and felix go to the ok ko universe and there they meet edward who is very cool and just wants to make sure these two sillies don't hurt themselves. (particularly ryan because he's very concerning holy shit) the scar on his face he got from climbing a fence and subsequently falling. he tells a different story every time and he thinks it's cool and funny edward toyhouse be upon ye
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have some old (2023) valentine's art of the boyos (is this spoilers? for my own story? yes i do them all the time tysm)
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last but not least!!! here we have elara samson, from the world of the spectacular spider-man. she's the 18 year old vigilante, who thinks spidey is immature and naive, and they're quite jaded and vengeful in general. sometimes they're on the same side as spidey, sometimes she's against him! just depends on the job. elara toyhouse moment
that's all, folks!! as i said in the beginning of this post, this has been in the works for like. what. 8 years now??? time is such a fucked concept wtf :[ and it's still being worked on!!! can you believe it??? but this is definitely the story i'm most passionate about, and i'm excited to finally be posting about it!! i'd love to see what you guys think :0
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gonna be self indulgent a little, tee-hee
i wanna bring back floriography!! someone learn flower language with me! even if i didn’t include much- oops sorry-
wow this has been in my drafts for a good while haha, i hope its alright and not too cringe. just a little cringe? lol
🌻 yandere florist x gn reader!
- a yandere florist who was as beautiful and elegant as the flowers filling their family’s little shop, they’ve been working there for a while now but.. they feel like they’ve made more bouquets than actually receiving them.. things were rather quiet and calm but they’ve always wanted something.. someone more..
- they thought you were just another customer but.. they felt so.. attracted to you.. they’ve never actually realized what its like to have butterflies in their stomach until you asked for help choosing flowers.. you looked so adorable being surrounded by the rest of the flowers..
- they couldn’t help how they spent longer than necessary explaining all the meanings about the flowers you chose, they didn’t want you to leave just yet! you were like a rare butterfly.. so rare that they almost wanted to keep you in a little enclosure!
- they ended up just giving you a spare flower along with the ones you bought, it came with their number tied around it.. they really hoped it wasn’t too cheesy.. they just didn’t want to let you fly away from them! they wouldn’t allow it. everybody knew everyone in this town, so it wouldn’t be too hard to learn more about you.. but thats just in case you don’t send them a message soon! they aren’t very patient though..
- the two of you were getting along so well! isn’t this just like the movies? you’re always so cute whenever you meet up! they knew all the kinds of cafes that were perfect for this meet-cute romance! so don’t mind it when people seem to subtly avoid you, they’ll make sure their little butterfly is safe! they want you to rely on them! can’t you see how hard-working they are? they always want you to visit their shop visit them!
- its not like you have much of a choice, your friends never seem to answer and its too boring to stay at home.. but this is a good thing for you two! you’re getting closer as you listen to talk about the things they like and wow! they seem to know all the things you like! aren’t they just an ideal partner for you? i’m sure your parents would love them once they properly meet for the first time, of course
- they always seem to be around you, not literally haha, but they always respond quickly, they seem to show up whenever you’re feeling down, even your parents seem to invite them over a lot.. you didn’t even realize how much they were in your life until now! and thats not even half of it, little butterfly.. they spent any free time studying you and making sure nobody hurts you
- they finally ask you out, and of course you say yes! look at the adorable bouquet they got you! this really was a great love story from the beginning! so don’t mind when they start encouraging you to just work- no. to just move in with them to help run their shop! come on.. your parents know how reliable and good they are! they’d protect you and keep you safe.. even if it meant getting white roses painted red
- not that you’d ever find out, just continue to be adorable and oblivious as you always have! and don’t down dig too deep in their garden either, haha~ but look! they made a little area just for the two of you! isn’t that just so romantic? you could have cute little tea parties! isn’t that better than actually leaving their home, little butterfly?
you’re finally with them.. you can’t leave now. they’ll only resort to drastic if you ever try to leave your little enclosure, butterfly… just turn a blind eye to the details and everything will be okay! lets keep living our meet-cute romance together, forever!
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goodtweetbadtweet · 3 months
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19, 22, 24 and 32! ❤️
Oh thanks for asking 💜 I’m gonna put my rambling under a cut.
19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?
I have been reading fanfic since I was about twelve, starting with LotR, but the earliest thing I really remember writing were these stories about this group of online-turned-offline friends that I had when I was fifteen. We all wrote a different ‘alternate universe’ versions of our little group going on some adventure. In hindsight, the stories were relatively cringey and obviously full of inside jokes, but to put it in cliche terms, it ignited a spark. Around that same time I read a really popular HP/marauders fanfic that actually inspired me to read the HP books and then I was brave enough/inspired to write my first fanfics. At first I wrote something that I thought people would want to read (in my own language) so I tried writing stuff like Sirius/Remus, and I was so used to constant praise for my writing (because my readers were all my friends) that it started to feel fake almost. Eventually I just wanted to write something that nobody I knew would ever see, so I chose a username nobody would think to connect to me, started writing in English and wrote something I actually wanted to write which was a self-indulgent, practically self-insert OC romance fic. Cringe, maybe. But so much fun.
So I’ve been writing on and off for nearly 18 years, mostly off, and you don’t even need all your fingers and toes to count the things I’ve finished. I’m not the most productive. It’s the same as with any hobby; I get really into it for a while and then eventually it fizzles out. I take breaks that last months, years even. I am at a point where I don’t know if I’ll ever call myself a good writer, but there are certain parts of my writing that I actually really love. For the first time I’m also writing with intent and not just making stuff up as I go along and I want to challenge myself a little more, exploring some darker themes etc.
22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?
Not very. I am generally an organized person, but when I write I put the whole story and everything related to that into one Google Doc. I can’t stand having to switch between documents or having anything separate.
24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?
Honestly? Not enough probably. When I have an idea for a story, it can be anything from one scene that evolves into something entirely different or a whole story arc that just appears out of thin air. Like, Kendall/Avery literally started off as ‘Kendall meets a girl in rehab and has sex with her’ and was meant to be a one shot. And Lukas/Gia came to me sort of fully formed late at night. My plans are usually very short, just a quick list of things that happen in each chapter. Since I write exclusively romance/smut/relationships, I start writing from the point where the characters meet because that’s usually very clear in my mind, and then I write a bunch of unrelated scenes that I have already imagined taking place. Eventually I backtrack to the actual beginning and try to write chronologically, but it’s a lot of back and forth and connecting these scattered scenes with each other. But there is always a plan, even if it is constantly evolving it doesn’t fundamentally change, and I always know what I’m writing towards. So basically, no, I don’t do a lot of prep work, but while I’m writing I’m working on the entire story at once. I also don’t like prep work, but it is helpful and it keeps me in check.
Back when I did zero planning, I started writing and posting a Bucky Barnes/OC story chapter by chapter and it went off the rails a little bit and eventually turned into a Tony Stark/OC story which… made sense and it was kind of like the characters had a life of their own, but obviously that wasn’t what my readers had signed up for. If I had a plan, maybe that wouldn’t have happened or I would’ve realized it was inevitable while planning. Idk. That story was/is 130k words and technically I never finished or wanted it to end where it did, but I lost interest and a few years later I came back to it to see that it had run its course and the ending actually kind of worked as ‘the finale.’ Sometimes I have a hard time ending things; a plan helps with that.
32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?
“You all know, don’t you, that if people are frightened very often, they sometimes become invisible.”
From the short story The Invisible Child by Tove Jansson. And I don’t know if it’s this line specifically, but off the top of my head this is a story that comes to mind as something that has held meaning for me since I was young and now again as a parent. It’s about Ninny, who has literally turned invisible due to living with her child-hating, abusive aunt. In a nutshell: she comes to live with the Moomin family, finds respect and love and learns to speak for herself. In many ways I relate to Ninny a lot and I think somewhere along the way I overcorrected and instead of being invisible, people pleasing and afraid I became almost confrontational and too tough. Inside I will always be Ninny, though.
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Ninny in the Moomin anime
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radicaldadood · 2 years
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Drabble, hc or scenario? Bruh idk anymore but tis is my mc x Nicky and yes it is self-indulgent 🤙 clearly nobody hatta read this go away-
Summary: Nicky reacting to Addy speaking in her mother language (Malay).
Warnings: oc x canon.
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I actually just straight up put slang/accent here cuz its sounds better and google translate is blegh
"Adeh!" (Means ouch)
Was the first word Nicky heard but he just thought that's a random curse word after Addy practically hurt herself that time so he didn't say anything except asking if she's okay.
Another time was "mak!" (Mom), after she nearly dropped one of Nicky's booze and quickly apologized after caught everyone's weird eyes.
"Bodo la dia ni.." ("what a dumbass...") Addy snickered quietly to herself after Chris made a joke. "What was that?" Nicky tilted his hear curiously. She shook her head and smiled, "O-oh, nothing."
Addy barely sings except when she's alone but she wasn't subtle. Nicky won't tell but he snuck around her lotta times to hear her sing in her language.
"Profesor Klon! Saintis termasyur.. Kebanggaan rakyat, warga terunggul... Profesor Klon... Profesor Klon. Tokoh contoh Metrofulus, Profesor Klon!" While moving her shoulders on each words.
Dudes never question em until one day she got a call from Chris that Nicky's at the hospital.
"Nicky! Apakah-!" (What the-!)
After Addy burst in the room, that's where she let her asian self out.
Dudes looked like he bout to pass out so she smacked him (as they wait for the nurse) while yelling "bang! Bang!..Abang! Oi, jangan tido lagi lah!" (Honey! Oi, don't sleep yet!)
Smack after smack. I'm pretty sure tis bich did on purpose or is really dying ehek-
"Bangun bang! Bukak mata tu!" (Wake up baby! Open those eyes!)
The doctor/nurses and Chris behind her are all like 🧍seeing her throwing gibberish they don't even understand and torturing the life outta the mafiaso-
Bro lives. Anyway Nicky asked her later bout the words in the accident where she freaked and smacked him.
".. ooohhh!.. That.. What about it?"
"what it means?"
"what it means?" She repeated. He nodded. "Um. I was telling you to wake up. Not to fall asleep or whatever."
He tilted his head, "Aw, I worried you too much didn't it?"
*smack*
Addy started to open more to speak in her native tongue after Nicky encouraged her. "Look, you don't have to be ashamed of it. You know you don't have to be shy around me. I won't force you but still. Plus, I love hearing you speak like that." He winked.
Boy wait till he hears what "mak kau hijau" means 💀
(it means your mom's green but it's the same energy as your mom's gay/whore or something)
"Toots."
"Mm?"
"What's that thing you say, when you call me?"
"Call you what?"
"That word you keeps using to call me with."
"Abang?"
"Yea that's the one. What does it mean? Is it like a petname?"
"Yeah, sort of. Abang could means two thing. One, big brother and then honey or dear, baby and so on."
He mouthed an 'o' before asking another questions. "Just.. abang? No other petnames?" Addy giggled at his tiny struggled of pronouncing the word. "Sure there is but they're just so.. cheesy." She cringed.
He flicked her nose, "All petnames are cheesy, amore mio. C'mon, I can take it. It can't be that bad." She argued back, "For you. It's not about you. It's about me saying it. I don't... I'm not..."
"You're not...?" Nicky trailed, raising his eyebrows.
She gave up, "Not used to saying it, okay. I never got anyone special in life to call them those stuff. Hence saying it to anyone makes me hella cringe." "Hence the rejection of the lovey-dovey stuff I've done to you." He grinned understandably. She slowly nodded.
"What is 'I love you' in your language, uhh what's it call again?" He started.
"Bahasa melayu. But Malay for short."
"Right."
"Saya sayang awak."
"Pardon?"
"I love you. Saya.." She said it slowly as she point at herself, "sayang" and made a heart sign, "awak." then point at him.
Dudes tryda repeat her words you should've seen it it's adorable-
Nick's a quick learner, I predict he can catch up to Malay or any languages better than us catching up to Italian.
"So sayang means love, eh?"
"Uh, yea. You got it!" She smile sincerely. But he can sense a hint of "oh no" in her eyes as they darted anywhere but him.
He smirked as he moved closely to her. Addy didn't move a muscle and thought in her mind this is where she's going to die.
He leaned close to her ear and whispered in a low tone. "Hey sayang~"
*SMACK*
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ladychlo · 2 years
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seeing some complain about how cringe fans are to louis saying how it's not because louis is indulging them, enjoying the atmospher and proximity that they should pull on his shirt and touch him inappropriately and i'm thinking what?! Does nobody remember what happened to harry on his first tour in 2017? Someone literally touched his crotch!! (and i'm guessing that's why we don't see him near barricades anymore, poor boy got traumatized sad) Now that was more than inappropriate. Here the more they've done is touch louis' face, like chill
Lool exactly and look some stuff are clearly not allowed and inappropriate and violating the other person boundaries like touching someone's crotch or not reading the room and harassing the person. But also, Louis is capable of setting boundaries, if you know louis you know he wont hold on expressing if something is bothering him, like throwing stuff on him was a big no for him and he made it super clear, so if anything at the barricade bothers him, he ll express and LOOK AT HIM he loves it, he thrives on it, these people don't purposefully touch him in a certain way, its a moment full of adrenaline, emotional rush and passion and its a matter of seconds and he is giving you a rock show cmon enjoy it, he is being his usual self, flamboyant and sinister and I love to see it, it looks good on him, this whole love he is getting!! And he is definitely someone who expresses his love physically.
Cmon like he was being so dramatic about putting a sticker on his polo but look at him now dhshhs seriously he loves his fans this much he doesnt mind tearing up his nice expensive clothes.
I loved it when harry used to set the B stage and do that passage through the crowds shaking their hands taking flowers and flags. I guess with covid he is more careful maybe also changement of venue settings but anyway. These are two grown ass people who are able to set their own boundaries at anytime so no need to come for fans who are maybe getting one life time experience to see their fav and break that wall of distance!! Its a huge moment for them and for him as well!
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revui · 2 years
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*vibrating* HI! I was listening to Spring Awakening again, because I very vividly remembered a song there reminded me of Quin. Found it:
Track 15 - Totally Fucked
It's 100% because the chapter about him is essentially just. "Look at this guy! He's Totally Fucked."
But this kept playing in my head while rereading Foreverlands. Hope you enjoy like.. vaguely emo sounding music. It's an old song kinda, in case you couldn't tell by the very 2010's style lyrics video. (IM SORRY I just thought a lyric video would be a better choice bc the voices overlap and it's potentially hard to follow without captions of some sort and this is literally the only one)
And you know. this is totally optional, but since I'm at it, this song is also good. I think it applies to Quin bc it has that "wow. shit's fucked. dont love it honestly" AND ! I like it bc it's about religious trauma and its Jonathan Groff so I'm sharing, in this very non self indulgent way of course
Track 3 - All That's Known (this one's also a lyric video link but i promise its less distracting)
The overall sound of the album makes me think of Quin now, I have accidentally assigned him the emo music my baddddd. but the ending to "all that's known" in particular hits me as a Quin thing. that softer "one day all will know" that fades into the background while the rest of the cast speaks up and it's like, ooooo this boyo is gonna rebel ! oooo he's scheming during class
Holding him very closely. the more you tell me about Quin the more he reminds me of one of my own characters. Literally my son. patting his head as we speak.
Do you have playlists for characters? I generally only make them for my own characters, the few exceptions of characters that are not my own ocs being the Big Blorbo Leagues, but I'm realizing I already have like 3 songs in mind for Quin. He's very quickly making his way up there. Like i could pick out the lyrics that made me choose each song for him. Which is crazy. because I feel like I don't know enough about him. But he has this vibe in my head. And if anything im gonna be confidently wrong about his vibe. making him a playlist.
Anyway you've inspired me and given me confidence so now im also gonna start tagging posts as my ocs. because its cool to do now. i think its cool
we're like. an infinite power source. the blorbo posting will never end while we have ways to communicate with each other i feel
SCREAMING
oh my god he's reaching peak blorbo levels. there are songs about him now
I genuinely love both of these for him, and also that guy's voice kind of reminded me of Light's English actor in the Death Note musical? I'm pretty sure they're not the same person but it was a neat coincidence because that musical is what helped me fill in a lot of his character, sort of taking my own spin on the idea of this self-righteous kid trying to singlehandedly correct what they perceive is wrong, although Quin definitely doesn't go as far as Light "Nobody's smart but me" Yagami.
I usually make individual playlists for my characters, but for the Foreverlands, its main cast amounts to 16 characters, and only 5 of them existed before I started developing the Foreverlands as a concept, so I had 11 new blorbos on my hands. Too many blorbos not enough music. So instead I made an amalgamation of songs that made me think of characters, settings, plot points, arcs, etc, in one big Foreverlands playlist. As a result it's a bit lengthy and almost musically incoherent and I'm still adding more songs almost every day. Also I'm adding the second one you shared to it because the Foreverlands brain thoughts I experienced during it were EXCELLENT.
Here's the playlist if you're curious. Warning, it's about six hours and I took songs from pretty much anything if they gave me even just one iota of Foreverlands Thoughts regardless of whether I even liked the song, which means that there is some Certified Cringe in this playlist, and it's wonderful.
our blorboposting could generate more energy than the sun i think
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