#this is secondhand information but i would like to know why that year and not idk 2018 or 2013 when frozen came out??? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mediocre-daydreams · 2 years

Text

𝐬𝐢𝐱. 𝐢’𝐦 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝, 𝐰𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐬

remus lupin x animagus!reader

𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝 : 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚢, 𝚒 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠

summary: snape threatens you after he finds out remus' secret, but james misinterprets the situation, instigating a heated argument. you open up to remus for the first time.

notes: alright as usual i never proofread my work but i think this is my favorite chapter writing-wise so hopefully u enjoy! smidge of fluff. angst/hurt and then comfort. this took like 5hrs idk when the next time i’m gonna be able to produce a quality chapter is

w/c: 5.0k

･ﾟ⋆☾*･ﾟ.・。.*゜✭・･ﾟ✫・⋆。.

i’m begging for you to take my hand wreck my plans, that’s my man

'lupine lawlessness: why lycanthropes don’t deserve to live' by emerett picardy.

that was the book that fell out of snape’s bag.

the cover was well worn and curving at the edges; snape’s ego would never let him buy secondhand, which meant he must’ve read the book multiple times. on the inside of the paperback cover was snape’s signature, unabashedly bold and written in dark ink that covered half the page. it was almost like he wanted everybody to know his beliefs on werewolves—no, he wanted you to know.

that left you with one conclusion: he must’ve found out about remus’ condition.

the notes in the margins did nothing to unwravel the knot in your stomach. you weren’t sure if you were still in your dorm, or if the world had started spinning on an axis with you at the very edge, clinging on and swinging unsteadily. in his thick, heavy-handed scrawl, were thinly veiled threats.

should be put down for public safety. the book, which was already yellowing with age, fell to the ground from a sharp tremor of your hands. debilitating pages unbound themselves from the spine and fluttered through the air, deceivingly elegant in comparison to its depraved contents.

remus lupin was none of those things. he was not soulless, nor evil, and he absolutely did not deserve-

lyall lupin? lupin… remus’ father?

you had a vague picture of remus’ childhood. he grew up in isolation from muggle society as a safety precaution, and distanced from the wizarding world to avoid the prejudice and discrimintation. in your first year defense against the dark arts class, you’d studied werewolves as a part of the ‘dark creatures’ unit. you had your qualms and discomforts with that section of the reading, even as an 11 year old with no awareness about remus’ condition, but the wizarding world was becoming more progressive (or so it claimed). the old defense teacher had retired in your second year; the ‘dark creatures’ curriculum had been edited heavily and the crude language had been replaced.

you didn’t know where snape got this book, much less such an old edition containing such foul language that wasn’t commonly used anymore. the ministry’s werewolf capture unit had formed a separate branch (the werewolf support unit) and dolores umbridge’s anti-werewolf legislation had begun to loosen. you figured snape must’ve owned this book for years now, considering its outdated information and wear, or he’d stolen it from the restricted section. either option terrified you. either option showed his dedication to hating lycanthropes, and by proxy, remus.

there was an abrupt knocking on your door. before you could invite the knocker in, lily, mary, and dorcas streamed in, chatting about the next hogsmeade trip and what lily should wear to slughorn’s party.

that’s right, you thought. i still have to attend the party with james. and snape will be there too.

“hey babe, have you started getting ready?” lily smiled at you, oblivious to the dread clouding your mind.

you swallowed thickly. “yeah, i was just thinking about what i should wear!” you lied, putting on a chipper voice for the sake of your friends. “shall we get ready together?”

mary bounced on her feet, clapping excitedly. “oooh, my mum sent me some jewery last week, you should totally wear some!”

dorcas started digging through her dresser. “i’ve got this cardigan that’ll go perfectly with your dress, lily! it’s bound to be cold in the dungeons.”

lily grinned, turning to her own bedside table. she dug through the drawer; things tinkled and clacked from within. she pulled out a necklace and held it in the air triumphantly. “for you!”

you rushed over, pushing the apprehension to the side. you could worry about this later—for now, your friends were here to care and dote on you, and you couldn’t be more appreciative of their ability to cheer you up.

“it’s gorgeous!” you gushed, allowing lily to clasp it around your neck. her fingers were slender, ghosting over your skin as she fixed the cold silver chain. “thank you, lils.”

“don’t thank me,” she shook her head humbly, “it’s like it was made for you. there’s a little moon charm, d’you see? i thought of you immediately.”

you quirked your mouth into a confused smile. “that’s so sweet of you! you’re so thoughtful, always thinking of people out of the blue.”

mary chortled. “oh darling, it wasn’t out of the blue this time. it’s a moon, because of you and moony, obviously.”

“excuse me?”

dorcas pointed her finger at you. “see? i told you that’d be her reaction. ha! marlene owes me three galleons.”

you deflected. “oh, where’s marlene anyway?”

dorcas looked at her shoes bashfully. “she’s, uh- james offered to lend her a suit. she looks… really good.”

you and lily looked at each other knowingly.

“alright!” dorcas clapped her hands, trying to break the tension and redirect the focus off her. “let’s get the two of you dolled up; looking good for the dates!”

lily was eager, completely compliant as mary stood behind her and curled her long, ginger locks. dorcas was holding up different products and you were giving your opinion on each, a little more hesitant than lily, who seemed to fall naturally into the beautification process. you supposed it was because she was already very beautiful herself.

“you look very handsome,” dorcas mused, placing her hands on your shoulders as she admired your reflection in the mirror. “well, you always look great. but i think i did a pretty good job.”

you turned your head to examine all your angles. “agreed. thank you, dora!” the two of you exchanged a loud, forceful high five, catching the attention of lily and mary.

“wow!” mary squealed. her hands lifted halfway to her mouth before she turned and patted lily’s bicep to confirm she was seeing the same sight.

lily gasped. “you look incredible! potter won’t know what hit’em.”

you rolled your eyes. “you know i’ve only got eyes for one person- oh merlin.” you cursed, having (once more) revealed your crush on remus with undeniable clarity.

lily smirked, looking you up and down appraisingly. “we should head out early,” she decided. “maybe we’ll run into a certain someone in the common room.”

your face turned serious. “i swear to godric, if you tell a single soul…”

mary made a zipping motion across her mouth. “not a word,” she promised.

dorcas quirked her head at you. “alright, but you’ve gotta make a move at some point! teasing you in private is getting boring; plus, lupin’s a real catch. someone’s bound to snatch him up if you don’t hurry.”

you bit your lip. dorcas was right.

“fine! fine. this is my formal allowance for the three of you to talk freely, but please, don’t scheme. and please, don’t tell anyone.”

the three girls grinned widely.

“okay!” lily cheered. “now that this piece of juicy gossip has been revealed, i say it’s time for us to make our accidental appearance in front of mr. loverboy.” she wiggled her fingers at mary and dorcas, making sure to take dorcas’ cardigan before she left. you helped her slip it on and made sure her dress was all laid out properly. dorcas was right, the cardigan did look lovely on her. you weren’t sure how long james would stick around after he saw lily looking so ravishing.

as you made sure each of lily’s straps were tied into neat bows, you missed the look of amazement on remus’ face as you made your grand entrance down the spiral staircase. well, it was no different from how you’d normally walked down the stairs, but when lily saw remus’ face, it was as if he were prince charming catching sight of cinderella for the first time. lily would know—she watched that movie countless times with petunia before coming to hogwarts.

“holy shit…” remus whispered; the corners of his mouth quirked upward unconsciously. you caught his eye, and he blushed, dipping his head down to reveal his red-tipped ears. his eyes flickered between your eyes, and you could tell he was restraining himself from roving the entirety of your body (which you wouldn’t mind if he did). you hid your delight by covering your mouth with the back of your hand, careful not to smudge the lipstick dorcas had so meticulously applied.

“i- you-” remus started, mouth parted in astonishment, “you look beautiful,” he murmured, voice strangled and raw. vulnerable.

“thank you.” your voice was small; eyes hazy. you dipped your own head shyly. “you look beautiful too.”

remus smiled incredulously. “me?”

“yes, you!” you countered, shaking your head at him. “what’s up with the surprise?”

“i just- i didn’t realize you thought that about me.”

you tapped your foot anxiously, feeling like you’d been caught in an act even though you’d done nothing wrong. remus seemed uncomfortable; perhaps you came off too strong. perhaps he didn’t feel the same, and didn’t want you to say those sorts of things to him.

“are you calling me a liar?” you teased. “that i don’t feel that way about you? you don’t know how i feel about you,” you quipped, well aware of the double meaning behind your words. lily seemed to understand as well.

lily tapped her wrist, checking an invisible watch. “alright, stop flirting and let’s get going! i’m nearly positive slughorn’s never going to let it go if we show up late for the first meeting.” she tilted her head toward the portrait hole, and leaned against the wall to wait for you.

remus coughed lightly. “i do mean it though, you look… truly incredible. i don’t know- i haven’t got the words to describe how you look, but when you come back, i’ll have something figured out and i’ll tell you then.”

“well, i was really looking forward to talking to slughorn, so i was planning on being there for the full time and maybe staying after. but i guess i can come back early, even though i wanted to make connections and stuff…” you huffed. “you’re quite demanding, d’you know that, moony? always bossing me around, telling me when i should come and go, like you’re some possessive boyfriend,” you taunted.

remus pursed his lips, hollowing his cheeks as he tried to hold back an embarrassingly large, telling smile. hearing ‘moony’ and ‘boyfriend’ was doing horrible things to his mind. the worst part was that he couldn’t be your boyfriend, no matter how much he wanted to. (or how much you wanted it, if you felt that way in the first place.) sometimes, it felt like life was mocking him, dangling the possibility of being with you in his face like bait on a fishhook, and then reeling it back before he could catch hold. he’d gladly pierce himself on the hook if it meant he could be yours.

“thumper! evans!” james’ giddy voice came booming from the boy’s dormitory. behind him was a suave looking marlene and a grumpy looking sirius. “wait up!”

lily shouted back. “we’re going to be late. you hurry up, wanker.”

marlene was doing a poor job of being discreet as she snuck back to the girls dorm, probably to see dorcas, and sirius was running his hands through his hair.

“you used up half my gel,” sirius grumbled. “and then you messed up your hair, so what was the point?”

james was by your side in moments and he offered you his elbow, which you accepted with a flourish. lily’s eyes darted to your linked arms, but she quickly recovered and gestured to the portrait hole. “the slug club awaits! onwards, my friends.”

lily’s kitten heels echoed through the corridor, clicking steadily, playing metronome as she set a brisk pace for your trio. there were already muffled voices emanating from the grand doors of slughorn’s meeting room; you were only a few minutes late.

it was drastically louder once you stepped inside. smooth jazz played from a vinyl which slughorn had amplified with a charm, fifth to seventh years were mostly stuck in cliques based on year or gender, and older wizards in dressier robes mingled with each other, for the most part disregarding the students. slughorn was meandering through the clumps of people, looking slightly distraught at the party’s reluctant beginning.

“miss evans! miss y/ln! mr. potter!” he beamed, squeezing past some adult wizards to welcome you. he shook each of your hands enthusiastically. “perfect timing! we’re about to begin dinner and introductions, so please make yourself comfortable at a seat.”

lily smiled apologetically at you and went in search of snape, while you and james found seating next to each other at the long, rectangular table. the two of you examined the students present: bellatrix lestrange, regulus black, snivelus severus snape, emmaline vance, pandora sailstream, yazmin patil, and of course, you, james, and lily.

slughorn stood from his position at the head of the table, tapping his fork on his class very traditionally. “dear students, colleagues, and friends, thank you for being in attendance today. as you know, the slug club is a group of exceptional hogwarts students with great potential, and i hope to nurture and create talented, powerful witches and wizards of you all.”

you looked at james with raised eyebrows, mouthing: “this feels like an ego trip more than trying to help us.”

james snorted, and a couple heads turned towards him. slughorn continued, unphased.

“now, if i can have our students introduce themselves, your interests, etcetera… starting down the line here,” he pointed at bellatrix, “we can begin dinner and i’ll allow you to interact with some of my old friends here.”

bellatrix cleared her throat; smokey eyes surveying the table. “bellatrix lestrange, slytherin house, pureblooded from the noble house of black-” she earned quite a few impressed looks from slughorn’s friends, “-advanced magic theory.”

you, and it seemed a few other half-blood and muggle born students, took notice of her emphasis on blood status—nearly her entire introduction was about her pureblooded status.

she and sirius couldn’t be any more different, you thought.

“regulus black.” he nodded stiffly to bellatrix, who didn’t seem particularly pleased with his presence either. “slytherin. seeker.” regulus was sharp and pointed; he clearly didn’t want to be there. bellatrix elbowed him roughly and he kept a straight face before opening his mouth once more. “...pureblood.”

“severus snape, pureblood, slytherin, potions.”

“emmaline vance; ravenclaw. i’m keen on defense against the dark arts.” she was much more personable than the slytherins.

“i’m pandora sailstream, also ravenclaw… and i like charms.”

“yazmin patil, nice to meet you all. hufflepuff, herbology.”

you glanced nervously at james and lily. the air in the room was strained, not just from slughorn’s pushiness, but from the obvious division of blood supremacists and their disapproving counterparts.

“i’m y/n y/l/n, gryffindor house, and i… am good at potions.” snape looked at you strangely, and it was then you were certain he had meant for you to see the book and his annotations. you looked away. the situation was too delicate to be handled without deep rumination, and you absolutely could not let your emotions get the best of you tonight.

“i’m james potter, a proud gryffindor,” he grinned, “chaser of the century and a dab hand at transfiguration.” a couple of the students and adults laughed weakly, but slughorn slapped the table approvingly.

“very good, my boy! and one more.”

“lily evans, muggleborn, gryffindor house, potions.” you winced. today was possibly the worst night for lily to be open about her pride in blood heritage. you admired her for it, and you were proud of being muggleborn in a time where blood supremacist ideology was rampant, but you knew when to pick your fights. the ice was too thin and stakes too high for her to be bold.

“wonderful!” slughorn lauded. he snapped his hands, summoning a squadron of house elves bearing a variety of classy finger foods, indulgent steaks, colorful vegetables, and rich desserts.

the food seemed to lightened the mood, and slughorn looked pleased at the turn of events. already, the guest wizards and witches began approaching students with business cards or advice. the row of three slytherins seemed to be the most popular.

james was quickly swept away by a quidditch team manager who’d recognized james even before his introduction. he winked at you before abandoning you altogether. it was just you, lily, and pandora left. you and pandora had awkward introductions and lily had made a controversial comment, so you didn’t take the disinterest personally. pandora seemed to, however. she left her spot at the table and slipped into james’ old seat, immediately diving into a passionate rant.

lily, always the caring one, entertained her. you tried to pay attention, but her complaints seemed so trivial in comparison to what had transpired in your dorm mere hours ago. snape was wrapping up his conversation, and when he glanced over at you, your eyes were already fixed on his face with burning intensity.

he stalked toward you, the most confident you’d ever seen him, and took the empty seat to your other side. he leered, somehow managing to make himself tower over you even while seated. you glared but didn’t dare speak.

“i believe you have something of mine,” he muttered, watching your face for any revealing expression, so you clenched your jaw.

“do i?”

“you do,” he said cooly. “but, because of my kindness, i won’t be upset with you for stealing my property.”

you ran your tongue across your top row of teeth, fuming. “i don’t know what you want from me, snape, but let me just say-”

“what makes you think i want anything from you?” he raised his eyebrows. “you can keep the book, if you’d like. i’ve read it plenty of times.”

you exhaled gruffly. “i know a threat when i see one, snape. don’t play dumb.” oh, how you wanted to tear him apart like slughorn’s pulled pork.

“threats… threats? it sounds like you’re the one threatening me.” he waved a hand between the two of you and you realized how close in proximity you had become. with each exchange, you’d slowly inched closer to assert dominance. now, you were hovering just in front of his greasy, malevolent face.

snape sneered. “i’d watch what you say, if i were you. see, i just want you to be safe. there are real bad people out there; you never know what might happen to a little girl like you… or a half-breed.”

“keep him out of this,” you spat. “torment me however you want, but you stay out of his damn business, do you understand?”

“are you really so naive?” snape scoffed patronizingly. “you think you’re gonna to protect your filthy half-breed boyfriend with an ultimatum? don’t forget who’s dealing the cards, mudblood.”

you closed your eyes, refusing to let tears fall. snape pulled back, smug, and wandered off into the safety of the slytherin crowd.

you jumped, startled by the feeling of a hand grabbing your forearm. “james? what are you doing?” you hissed.

“what are you doing?” james retorted, narrowing his eyes at you. “i think we need to talk.”

james tightened his grip on you and pulled you from the room, excusing the both of you to the bathroom. he dragged you down the corridor and out of earshot.

“what the hell is wrong with you?” james flung his arms out and they fell against his sides.

you scowled, crossing your arms. “with me? you’’re the one who forced me out of a party and now you’re yelling at me for no reason!”

“oh, there’s a reason,” james laughed sardonically, “snivelus. what the fuck was that?”

you stared at him in disbelief. “i- i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“why were you talking to snivelus? you were so- is there something going on between you?” james was enraged, pacing the corridor as his face began to flush.

“excuse me?” you screeched. “what the fuck?”

“i don’t bloody know!” james ripped his glasses from his face and rubbed his eyes aggressively. “i thought you and r- merlin, you said he was ‘nice’ during potions and now you’re sitting next to him; talking to him!”

“i can’t believe you’re accusing me of associating with a fucking blood supremacist,” you snarled, storming up to him and jabbing your finger into his chest accusingly. “i’m a muggleborn, if you’ve somehow forgotten! what the fuck is wrong with you, pr- james?”

“you were this close to each other!” he used his fingers to demonstrate. “you- you’re all cozied up to him! you’re fucking intimate with him!”

if you weren’t standing outside a room full of powerful wizards, you would’ve hexed james, right then and there. you settled for shoving him. his chest, hardened and broad from quidditch, barely budged at your force.

“you know what? fuck you, james. stay out of my damn business!”

james didn’t bother following you as you stomped away from him and to the common room, tears finally escaping your eyes. dorcas’ work must’ve been ruined. you wiped your cheeks to find black mascara staining your fingers, and you were sure your lipstick was a mess after so much screaming and anxious biting. you snuck a peek at your reflection in a window. your face was puffy, your eyelids were drooping, and you looked—to put it succinctly—pathetic.

the fat lady pouted at you sympathetically as you slumped through the portrait hole. your tears had long stopped and were now soaking into your skin, pulling your cheeks taunt as the salt dried. you stumbled, catching yourself on the back of a couch just before you were about to collapse. you hadn’t eaten dinner, you’d cried out all the hydration from your body, and on top of that, you were still reeling from not only your argument with james, but snape’s threats and the discovery of his book.

and now you were alone. you were completely and utterly alone, slumped half-concious in an silent common room late at night while your friends were sleeping comfortably or enjoying the lavishness of slughorn’s party.

you had no more water in your system to cry out; instead, you began hiccuping and heaving. your throat was dry and you were sure that this was it, that you would stop breathing and pass out where you stood. what a sad way to go. what a sad, sorry excuse you were for a witch. what a cowardly, useless gryffindor you were, such an unlovable-

“bunny?” remus’ voice was gravelly from sleepiness but laced with concern.

“remus?” you struggled to keep your eyes open, wanting nothing more than to escape into a peaceful, dreamless sleep. “why are you still awake?”

“well, i promised i’d stay up for you, right?” he stumbled down the stairs, his long legs slightly unstable. in a blink, remus was behind you and wrapping you in his arms, burying his nose into your hair and mumbling intelligiblely about what you assumed was meant to be comforting.

he dropped his lips to your ear. “what happened?” he murmured. he seemed to have sobered up; his voice was much clearer than before.

“i don’t- everything, rem,” you whimpered. “i can’t. i can’t.”

he cooed, turning you to face him by the shoulders. his face fell at the sight of you—hair mussed, eyes glistening red, bottom lip tucked between your teeth so harshly he thought for sure you’d hurt yourself. he raised his hand to cup your cheek, but froze midair. “love. love? is it okay if i touch you?”

you nodded silently, wrapping your arms around your waist and fighting the urge to start full-body trembling. your eyes fell closed, and you weren’t sure if you had the energy to open them.

remus’ hand finally came to your cheek, freeing your lip from your teech before nesting itself between your jawline. his thumb rested just below your eye, gently swiping at the remnants of the mascara you’d cried off.

“alright, why don’t we sit down? you’re lookin’ a little shaky there, bun.” he moved his hand from your face and pressed it to the small of your back, guiding you to the couch with his other hand in yours for support. eyes still closed, you stumbled slightly on the edge of the carpet, and he caught you, bringing you closer to him and rubbing your back soothingly. you shivered.

“are you cold?” remus’ forehead creased. without hesitation, he began to peel off his jumper and held it out to you. “here, you need to stay warm.”

“thanks,” you mumbled. in reality, you’d shivered because of remus’ touch. but you weren’t about to turn down his jumper. “can y’help?”

remus took the jumper back, opening it up and pulling it over your head. he even guided your arms into the sleeves, and your mouth twitched upwards at his smell: parchment, something woodsy, and a hint of spice. oh, and chocolate. chocolate?

“would you like chocolate?” remus a bar between you and broke off a piece.

you finally smiled, allowing your eyes to flicker open. “yeah.” you opened your mouth.

remus stared at you quizzically before his eyes widened. in the dimness of the common room, you couldn’t see his reaction, but you felt him turn away from you momentarily. when he returned his attention to you, he exhaled shakily and placed the square of chocolate on your tongue delicately, watching as you took it in your mouth. he gulped.

“thanks, rem.”

“yeah. yeah, anytime. i’m always going to be here for you, y’know that right? i know that you don’t really like talking about… your-”

“my feelings, yeah. i just feel silly. ‘cos you’re going through so much, and so is sirius, and lily too, and i just… i don’t wanna waste your time,” you confessed.

remus took hold of your biceps and swiveled your torso so you were facing him. “you are not a waste of time. it doesn’t matter how big or small—your feelings are important. and you’ve never once said that me or sirius or lily’s feelings are a waste of time, so why do you think that about yourself?”

you sniffed. “i dunno. but now i feel everything, rem. ‘s all there. i feel like i’m gonna vomit. not really, but fuck, it’s so much. it’s so, so much.”

remus hummed, wrapping his arm around the back of your head and bringing your forehead to his chest. you breathed in his cologne once more, feeling his scent wash through your body as if it were cleansing you of the brain fog.

after a stretch of silence, remus spoke. “do you wanna talk about it or just sit here with me?”

“talk.” you didn’t hesitate or fight yourself, and remus just wanted to kiss you; he was so proud.

“alright, i’m listening.”

you couldn’t find it in yourself to make eye contact. instead, you shuffled forward, tucking yourself fully into his chest and wrapping your legs around his back. your arms curled under his and joined themselves at the top of his spine. you felt like a koala, and you were okay with that.

you managed to squeeze out the details of your fight with james. remus’ grip tightened protectively as you explained why james had made his assumption, describing the way snape had gotten so close to you. he stiffened at the word “intimate,” and then you were the one rubbing his back. for the first time, you let yourself pour everything out. you didn’t hold anything back; well, except for the reason snape had confronted you in the first place.

remus’ nose twitched as he tried to regain his composure. he was pissed at james—how dare he accuse you of being intimate with a blood supremacist? you were the kindest, most loyal, boldest, best person he know. remus wasn’t sure if he was more upset with snape or james.

he felt you shake in his arms and began rubbing more warmth into you. he sighed, unable to stop replaying the scene of you and snape and james; each reset was a new stab. “hey.” he tilted your head upwards. “hey, look at me. it’s gonna be okay. everybody argues.”

his words of reassurance seemed to push you further away. “n- no, you don’t understand,” you choked, “i can’t fix this one. i can’t- rem, i messed up. merlin, i’ve messed up really, really badly and i don’t think i can fix this. i don’t know what’s going on. i don’t know what’s gonna happen. i’m scared. damn it, i’m scared, remus.”

remus clenched and unclenched his jaw. “it’s late, bunny. maybe we should think about this in the morning, when you’ve got some food in ‘ya and a bit of coffee. d’you wanna go back to your room?”

“no please,” you whispered. “can- can you stay with me? just this once. please.”

every shred of remus’ restraint collapsed at your words, and he swept you into your arms and peppered kisses to your hairline. “i’m here, okay? i’m not gonna leave you.” he coaxed you into a laying position, crouching on his knees in front of you so he could brush the hair from your face.

“remus?” you slurred, cracking your eyes open. “will you hold me?”

he pulled his lips into a downward smile; empathetic eyes wandering your body. he curled himself behind you, pulling your back into his chest and lacing his legs between yours, tucking his nose into the crook of your neck. you felt around for his hand, and when you found it, you pulled it over your body and towards your face. remus felt something soft tickle his palm.

kisses. you were kissing him.

“thank you, remus,” you muttered, voice timid.

“always.”

･ﾟ⋆☾*･ﾟ.・。.*゜✭・･ﾟ✫・⋆。.

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heartsfromia · 1 year

Text

third times the charm — l. chan

pairing: non-idol! chan x f!reader

word count: 2,485

genre: fluff, crack-ish

warnings: chan gives secondhand embarrassment

author's notes: this is the last for my oneshots pt. 1, and i'll be continuing w more, and a heads up that they'll be angst since yk gotta widen my range lol

It was as if the heavens had descended upon Chan the second he stepped into the café; the sight of you behind the counter, eyes trained on the porter filter as you pressed the espresso grinds before locking it in the espresso machine, focused on ensuring the contents of the caffeinated liquid were sufficient for the drink you were working on.

Normally he wouldn’t be fazed, it’s not like he’s never met a girl before. He just never met a girl as beautiful as you.

“Morning, how can I help you?” Even your voice was angelic. You were caught-off guard by Chan as he stood in front of you, not stating your order—as if he was caught in a daze. You blinked in confusion, before raising your hand and waving it over his face, “Hello?”

It worked, and he jumped, shaking his head slightly to return back to reality. He was totally not thinking about how you two would live in an apartment uptown, own a Siamese cat, and a Golden Retriever. “Oh, sorry… what did you say?”

You chuckled awkwardly, “What would you like to order?”

“Uhm, an iced Americano, and two caramel latte—” His eyes darted towards the name-tag by your collar. “—Y/N.”

You nodded, punching in his order, before asking, “Take out?”

“Yes, please.” It felt as if he couldn’t take his eyes off you as you informed him the total, and he hurriedly reached in his pocket and handing you a twenty. “You can keep the change.”

This is almost a ten dollar tip, you thought.

“And the order will be under what name?”

There was a momentary pause before he jumped, stammering, “Uh, Chan! Chan, under… Chan.”

“Okay, it'll be ready in a few minutes.” You quickly turned, not wanting to witness him as he awkwardly nods, mouth opening to respond but nothing coming out.

You weren’t going to lie, and act like you didn’t notice his staring—to say the least, you were used to it. Not in a all-too-vain way, but you were aware when guys found you attractive—their dazed looks would eventually lead them to asking for your number, and then you’d be disappointed because all of them expected you to cave and agree to their proposals to go on a date.

You hated that pattern.

Within this year alone, you’ve had two guys approach you—star-struck from meeting you, and asked you out on a date, with no intentions with getting to know you first. Sure, you knew dates were a place where people can get to know each other, but dates were also places that led to a relationship, and to be honest, you never wanted to jump right into one with just anyone. You loathed the idea of constantly going on dates, just to become someone’s girlfriend. What about being friends first?

Nonetheless, knowing this, you’d put those guys through a test, and if they don’t pass then mission: ghost them until they get the hint and leave you alone, is commenced.

You knew Chan would fall on that list of failures, so you didn’t pay him too much mind as you worked on his order.

“Have a great day,” you uttered, and Chan smiled, wishing the same for you before walking out of the café. A happy sigh escaped his lips—the sun was kissing the highest points of his face, a new feeling during this gloomy month, it seemed such a perfect day to meet such a perfect girl, he thought.

That is until he glanced at his wristwatch, remembering why he was at the café in the first place before his heart dropped to his feet, and they hurriedly carried him to the class he was already running late to.

Pushing the door to class, he peeked his head through the small gap, relieved to see the professor’s table empty and quickly rushed in, finding his seat between Seungkwan and Vernon—the former glaring at him for taking a long time to bring him his iced americano. “What took you so long?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he apologized, placing the drinks in front of his friends. “Where’s the professor?”

“At the bathroom, you’re lucky,” Vernon chirped, thanking quietly for the drink. “How come it took you so long?”

“Well, besides getting your coffees, I had already woken up later than usual,” he complained, “there was also a line in the café—not that long, but I was already running late and you guys told me to go buy coffee, which added on to the fact I was running late, making me even more late—”

“Still, it doesn’t take more than fifteen minutes,” Seungkwan cut him off, causing Chan to glare at him.

Then he remembered you, a dazed smile appearing on his face. His thoughts became flooded by you, your pretty name, your pretty voice, your pretty face, your pretty everything. He honestly wouldn’t be surprised if you were an angel sent to make him fall in love with you.

“What’s with that face—oh my God, stop that, it’s actually creepy,” Seungkwan cringed, covering his eyes.

“Do you guys know Y/N? She’s the barista at Seventeen Café,” Chan asked, looking hopeful between his two friends.

“I know of her,” Seungkwan states, sipping his coffee. “Is that why you were taking so long? Busy drooling over her?”

“I wasn't drooling over—” Chan's attempt at defending himself were cut short when the professor returned from the bathroom, an look of exasperation written all over his face.

“My apologies class, I might have gotten food poisoning so the class is dismissed for the rest of today, see you next—” Poor man wasn't able to finish his sentence before hurling in the nearest trash can.

“Sucks for Professor Jang, but great for us… I guess,” Seungkwan says out loud, earning agreeable nods from both Chan and Vernon. “What do we do now?”

As the three approach the entrance of the college building, Chan's eyes immediately lock towards the small coffee shop right across from campus, the tense of shoulders noticeable by his two friends.

“We're not going—”

“Why not?” He couldn't help but whine, “I really want to get to know her, she seems really cool.”

“And you want us to be there to witness you failing completely?”

“Come on, Kwan, cut the guy some slack,” Vernon chimes in, “who knows? He might actually know how to flirt with a girl.”

“So, you come here often?” Your eyes glanced at Chan's two friends; one pursing his lips to hold in his laugh, as the other audibly smacks his forehead, the slap echoing throughout the fairly empty café interior.

You stood by their table, grasping onto the note and pen, eyes darting around the place before answering, “Well, considering I work here, yes.”

You could see the firsthand embarrassment register into him, his jaw stiffening before he rubs the back of his neck, “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“I'm so sorry,” one of his friends, the blonde one sipping an iced americano, interjected, “we'll have two slices of carrot cake and a tiramisu.”

“Sure, I'll be right back.” You really wished you weren't. After placing their orders on the table, you quickly ducked your head, seeking refuge in the back room for staff only, finding your senior and former trainer, Joshua, chewing on a chocolate chip cookie.

“Why do you look distressed?”

“There's another one of those guys out there.”

“Those guys?” Joshua repeated, eyebrows knitting together before they rose in realization. “Oh, the ones that are trying to get your number?”

You frowned, nodding and sunk to the floor beside your senior, extending your hand for half of his cookie. He split it in half, placing it on your hand and chuckled as you stuffed the entire thing in your mouth. “But this one, he's so awkward.”

“Aren't they all?”

“I mean, yeah—”

“Stop talking with your mouth full,” Joshua scolded, and you closed your mouth, chewing and swallowing the cookie crumbs. “Who is it, anyway? Do you know them?”

You shook your head. “His name is Chan.”

“Which Chan? Bang Chan, Lee Chan, Heo Chan?” You shrugged. Joshua then stood up, peeking his head through the door to catch a glimpse of who you were talking about. “The only Chan I see out there is Lee Chan—he's great, Y/N.”

“You say that to every guy.”

“Because they are,” Joshua emphasizes, “they're great until they don't pass your test.”

You only rolled your eyes, your mouth craving for more sugary goods.

“Have you put him through your test?” Joshua asked, returning to his initial position.

You shook your head, “It was too awkward already, and his friends are there, and he asked me do I come here often—here as in the place I work in, like of course I do, dude.”

Laughter echoed throughout the staff room, Joshua's head thrown back from hearing the little anecdote about your new admirer. Being your co-worker for the past year, he's the first guy you go to after one of those guys attempt to make a move on you. He's the first to advise to give them a chance, but also the first guy you gloat to when none of the guys pass your test.

“Go give it try, Y/N, what is he, the third guy now?” You nod. “You know what they say, third times the charm.”

“I don't think I have much luck with men, Josh,” you admitted, pouting bitterly. Your senior only rolled his eyes, shoving you gently towards the door. Begrudgingly, you stood up, headed towards the door, but turned, “If it doesn't work out, then you need to stop encouraging me to give these guys a chance.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” You couldn't help but flip him off, eliciting more laughter. Your eyes darted to where Chan and his friends were sitting, their plates of cake already empty and you weren’t sure as to why they were still even here.

From where you stood, you cocked your head to the side, thinking, if Chan doesn’t say dumb things, he’s actually pretty cute. The way his eyes closed as he smiled widely, a smile you found contagious as one appeared on your face as well.

Obviously you hoped at least one guy would pass your test, it wasn’t that hard of a test—at least, you thought so.

“Hey, I wanted to pay for the cakes.” You looked up from where you stood behind the counter, Chan standing in front of you and it seemed he had a bit more confidence than he did when you first saw him earlier, and twenty minutes ago.

“Sure, let me just ring you up.”

“Y/N, was it?” You glanced up at him and nodded. “I was wondering if you wanted to join my friends and I, we’re planning to watch that new Avatar movie in theatres tonight.”

Oh, no asking for my number… That’s new.

But still, you had to put him to the test. “Oh, I already watched that movie with my boyfriend.” The thing is, you didn’t have a boyfriend. This was step one to your three step test, and every other guy before had messed up right here.

Chan looked visibly shocked, although you never knew that was more disappointed in himself—of course you’d already have a boyfriend. It was too good to be true.

“Oh… is it good?”

“Yeah, it’s good,” you responded, using the most basic adjectives because you did not, in fact, watch it. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go—Chan was supposed to look annoyed, angry at you for leading him on, despite the fact that you had a boyfriend. He wasn’t supposed to keep a normal person-to-person conversation with once he knew you weren’t available.

Then, what surprised you most was what came out of your mouth afterwards. “Is it okay if I come along?”

Chan's eyes widened, before he nodded, “Sure, is that okay with you?”

Next step. A dry chuckle escaped your lips as you asked snidely, “Don't you mean is it okay with my boyfriend?”

Chan looked genuinely in thought before shaking his head. “No, I mean, you're grown adult—I'm sure you're able to make your own decisions.”

Odd. You always found that guys were immediate to step back when you state that you had a boyfriend, rather than you were purely not interested. It seemed that a lot of guys respect the boyfriend rather than the girl they bothered.

“I mean, if I'm coming off a bit too forward with the invitation and it might stir trouble in your relationship, I also understand if you're not okay with it,” Chan added, and you nodded.

“No, it's fine, Chan.”

His eyes widened completely, shocked. “You know my name?”

You laughed, nodding, “I took your order, remember?”

Red began to dot his cheeks as he realized, rubbing the back of his neck. “Oh yeah…” Seeing his flustered self, you were glad he was still somewhat embarrassing.

“Can I ask, Chan?” Final step. He nodded, not trusting his mouth. “If I didn't mention my boyfriend, would you still want to hang out with me?”

Without hesitation, he nodded. “Of course—I mean, sure you're really pretty, but you seem really cool and I'd like to get to know you, you know? I don't know—” he shrugged, “—I never wanted to jump into a relationship, I'm sorry if it came off as if I was too forward, really, Y/N. But I do want us to get to know each other as friends, I feel like we'd click a lot.”

A smile etched across your features, eyes creasing at the edge as you reached for your notepad, jotting down your number before ripping the sheet and handing it to him. “Just text me, and I'll meet you at the theatre.”

His eyes glazed over your number, a genuine smile appearing on his lip before he reassures you that he will, and you excuse yourself to head to the back.

You push the door open, stepping in and quickly pressing your back against the door. Joshua watches you intently, before asking, “So, did he pass the test?”

You nodded, still a bit dazed by the interaction. “Yeah, he did… With flying colors.”

Joshua smirked, stuffing his umpteenth cookie into his mouth. “Told you third times the charm.”

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starsstuddedsky · 1 year

Text

Can I Make It Any More Obvious?

reader x vernon

summary: telling everyone you already have a date to prom is a brilliant idea, until the one person you actually want to go with overhears

genre: fluff

warnings: secondhand embarassment i tiny bit i think? maybe none?

wc: 1.6k

a/n: AND WITH THIS I HAVE COMPLETED 13/13!!!! very much a short cute thing that i pounded out in like an hour but it turned out fun and i like it so enjoy <33

It isn’t until you make eye contact with Vernon that you realize the mistake you’ve made. He looks genuinely shocked, eyes wide, mouth hanging open just a tiny bit. He quickly snaps his mouth shut and turns away as soon as you catch him looking, walking down the hall as if he didn’t see a thing. But you know he did.

You’re half tempted to chase him down, tell him what you meant, but you’re immediately swarmed by Mingyu and Jeonghan, who demand to know who you are going to prom with.

It was a fast lie, not one that you really thought through. But, in your defense, you weren’t expecting Mark of all people to ask you. He was a friend, sure, but two years younger, and madly in love with one of your teammates. Even if it wasn’t Mark, and it was someone like Mingyu, who was constantly mistaken for your boyfriend, you still would have said no. There is someone else that you have been daydreaming about slow dancing to terrible music with.

For a moment, you even thought you were smart. If everyone thought you had a date, no one would ask. Somehow you forgot Vernon was included in that everyone.

“It’s a surprise,” you say quickly. “Someone you won’t expect.” Which is true, because even though Mingyu knows about your lifelong crush on Vernon (which is top secret information), he also knows that there is no way you’ll ever do anything about it. So, he won’t expect Vernon (though you’ve crushed any chance of that by telling the entire school that you already have a date), and he definitely won’t expect you to show up alone.

God, this is a nightmare.

Vernon is waiting for you like always. It took you embarrassingly long to realize that he doesn’t sit on his front porch every night just for fun. In your defense, he used to come up with excuses, like taking out the trash, petting his cat (which somehow always disappeared before you got there), or just enjoying the sunset. It got harder for him to explain during the winter, when it was dark by the time you got out of practice and he would jump outside just to say hi to you before you dragged yourself inside to do homework.

Just his presence is enough to put a smile on your face, which should have been your first warning that things were going wrong. But like a fool you’d stop before going inside and chat with him a little, usually updating him on the constant drama on your team. Sometimes the conversations were just a few minutes, but more than a couple times you found yourself sitting beside him for an hour or more. Still, he always seemed to know when you were more tired than usual, pushing you to your own door before you even realized you were about to pass out.

You get out of your car and head straight to him, dropping your backpack at your feet and sitting beside him on the porch swing. He looks different today, leg jittering as bounces it, tapping his fingers rapidly that remind you that he plays keyboard in his three person band.

Vernon isn’t the type to get nervous, which is why it takes you so long to realize that’s why he’s acting the way he is. It’s something you’ve learned over the many years of knowing him, like his pollen allergy (that he hides surprisingly well), and his preference for jean jackets over leather. It’s not every day that you see him struggling to put two words together, eyes dancing around, never staying in one place for too long. They flit to meet yours, then down to your outfit, then abruptly to the side, behind you, to the door, anywhere but at you.

Nervous Vernon is rare, but what makes it even harder to process is the fact that he’s nervous because of you. You, who have known him your whole life (or when he moved in next door when you were three but that’s basically the same thing).

You never thought Vernon would even look at you. He has always been aloof, running away to the music room with Seungkwan and Seokmin to play whatever top secret songs they’d composed. You snuck by once, just to see what they were doing, and ended up spending your entire lunch period sitting in the corner of an empty practice room with your ear pressed against the wall listening to some of the best indie-rock-pop-alternative-funk-jazz(?) music you’ve ever heard.

Vernon didn’t seem like the type to be interested in you. Not when you spent most of your time at school, either at practice or club events, or, now that you’re finally a senior, organizing all of the graduation events. These days you only run into him in the evenings, which you’ve only just started to realize is only because Vernon waits for you.

It was like Sk8ter Boi by Avril Lavigne, which definitely wasn’t one of your top songs because of him. That would make Vernon the punk (except he’s a nerd that plays keyboard) while you did ballet (except you play basketball). It wasn’t your best analogy.

Either way, you didn’t ever expect to see him this nervous, and never because of you. The air begins to cool as the sun sets, making goosebumps appear on your open skin as you shiver.

You try to think logically about it all. Fact 1: Vernon is nervous to talk to you. Fact 2: He overheard you saying that you have a date to prom. Fact 3: Vernon waits for you almost every day.

“I don’t have a date to prom,” you blurt out.

“You don’t?”

“No,” you say, smiling. “I didn’t want to go with Mark and didn’t really want anyone else asking me. Well, there is someone I want to ask me, but until about two minutes ago, I didn’t think he had any interest in me.”

“Wait.” Vernon glances at you. “You’re saying…”

“Yeah, you dummy,” you say. “I want to go with you.”

“But you,” he pauses. “You’re not supposed to go with me. Or someone like me.”

“Why not?” You say. “You’re the one that I like.”

He turns his head slowly, the gentle breeze knocking some of his hair loose around his forehead. “You like me?”

“Yeah,” you say, surprised how easily the words come out. It’s not as scary as you expected, a weight being lifted off your chest that you didn’t know was there. “I like you, a lot.”

“Oh.”

The silence grows longer, and the reality of what you said starts to sink in. You told him how you felt. And he didn’t say anything. You’re going to have to see him every day. Even if you can avoid him at school, you can hardly dodge him when he lives right next door. You stand up, the planks of his front porch creaking at your sudden movement.

“I should probably go do my homework,” you say. Vernon nods, still not looking at you. “I’ll… see you tomorrow.” You do your best not to flat out sprint down the steps.

“Wait!” Vernon says. He stands, crossing the porch to the railing which stands above the grass where you now stand, backpack falling off your shoulder. “I like you, too.” He scratches his head. “I guess I should have said that. I thought it was obvious, but just in case it wasn’t, I like you a lot too.”

You take a step closer to the porch, which puts you a good foot lower than Vernon. You’re convinced you look like a giddy idiot smiling up at him, but when it’s Vernon, you don’t really mind. “Really?”

“The entire school has a crush on you and you’re surprised that I do?”

“You’re not exactly like everyone else,” you say. “Not that that’s a bad thing! Or that you’re ‘not like other girls.’ Obviously, because you’re not a girl, but you get what I mean, and I’m really just trying to say that I just think you’re really cool and you always listen to me even when I ramble, and oh my god, I’m rambling right now and I really need to stop.”

Vernon smiles at you, that stupid familiar that makes your heart flutter yet also makes you feel like everything is going to be okay. “You’re a lot sillier than you pretend to be.”

“You’re trusted with a very secret side of me,” you say. “Very few people know how dumb I actually am.”

“You’re not dumb,” he says immediately.

“I told Mark I couldn’t go to prom with him because I already had a date when it was actually because I wanted to go with you, and you were right there.”

“A dumb decision,” he says, “but that doesn’t make you dumb. Just someone who occasionally makes dumb decisions. Maybe more so when you’re around someone you have a crush on?”

“You don’t have any right to tease me when you almost let me run away thinking you didn’t like me back,” you say.

“Fair point,” he says, “But I was thinking, since everyone already thinks you have a date, and you wanted to go with me anyways, we could go together.”

“Hansol Vernon Chwe, was that seriously your way of asking me to prom?”

“I feel like the answer to that should be ‘no,’” he says. “But I don’t really know what you want.”

You entertain the image of Vernon doing an intricate promposal with roses, and maybe getting the band to help him. It doesn’t last long, because that’s not Vernon (especially with the aforementioned pollen allergy). So what do you want? A sincere confession? You’ve already gotten that.

“I want you to ask me for real,” you say, stepping closer and resting your chin on your hands on the railing.

Vernon leans closer, and it’s your turn to be flustered, your heart pumping hot blood straight to your cheeks where they must be bright red.

“Yn,” he says, “Would you like to go to prom with me?”

You answer without thinking. “Yes.”

#🌟 stars galaxy #seventeen #seventeen x reader #svt reader #svt #seventeen fluff #vernon x reader #chwe hansol #vernon #vernon fluff #I forgot how to do tags and im too lazy to do them rn oops

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butmakeitgayblog · 2 months

Note

if you have time to watch eliza's panel with jo garfein on the conaggedon insta... it's pretty cringe

I'm genuinely scared to because I just know I will get secondhand embarrassment on her behalf 😬 like girl please stop whoring yourself out to these people with these bullshit made up answers that directly contradict things you've said in the past when you weren't charging them $100 for a photo-op.

And that's genuinely something that makes me pity these bellarkes so badly. Like yes they're annoying and homophobic and deserve to get mocked at every avenue, I'm not saying they don't. But also the humanitarian side of me is just riddled with pity for these people because hoooow empty as a person do you have to be to keep chasing these actors down year after year after year, paying them gobs of cash to get them to say what you want them to say? To lie to your faces so that you will continue to give them money?

Why is fandom not good enough for these people?

Ya already got clowned by Jrot (the clown ringleader himself) for 4 fuckin seasons, and then had him quite literally stick his middle finger in your faces in the final season. He killed off your blorbo by the hand of your own ship, and explicitly wrote the character you hate as your ship's true love and soulmate.

Like. I have not seen a more thorough dogwalking in my life. If that happened to me? You couldn't waterboard that information out of me. I would never even acknowledge having been a part of that fandom at all. I would look those mfs dead in the eye and simply pretend that I did not know them 🥰

But instead of just saying well fuck that show, fandom will give me what I want, you resort to bribing these actors - who have no actual say in anything that happened - to help you write your own daydreams. To help you pretend that canon isn't canon. You pay them to participate in your delusion. And then genuinely feel good about it. Like you're vindicated 🥴

AND THEY DO IT! BECAUSE YOU ARE INCOME FOR THEM!

Unreal

#anon #blarke #et

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schizosupport · 5 months

Note

Hi Glitch, thanks for everything you do with your blog! My partner and I are parenting a wonderful 1 year old kiddo whose bio mom is living in an assisted living center and has persistently experienced hallucinations and delusions that make her life difficult. She's bounced between diagnoses, making treatment difficult, and because there is no family history of these symptoms we're not sure if it's heritable or not. As a result, it's super important to us to 1) explain the story of where she's living is in the kindest and most loving way possible, and 2) be super on top of things so we can be ready in case the baby does experience symptoms later in life.

I have been trying to read as many first-person memoirs and stories as I can from people, and particularly loved The Center Cannot Hold by Elyn Saks. That's where I learned about the term "prodromal schizophrenia" and the phase of people's lives where they may first begin to experience magical thinking, mood disturbance, or paranoid thoughts before their first "classic" symptoms of psychosis or hallucination arise. May I ask if you experienced prodromal symptoms yourself, or if you have any thoughts on how to best tell the difference between them and the kind of depression, mood swings, and anxiety that can just come with the territory of being a teenager/young adult? I'm trying to figure out what to look for that could be a sign that in addition to depression symptoms, a teen might experience a break from reality soon.

I figure the obvious best bet is "have a great relationship with your kid so that you notice and be there if things get hard in early adulthood", and "prepare him explicitly for things he should look out for and ask him to tell me if he starts having thoughts like being watched, his food being poisoned, or having ideas/images that don't feel like they belong to him appear in his mind." Or do you think that if you had been told as a child that you might have your mind play tricks on you and you should tell someone if XYZ happens that would have made you feel like you were doomed to scary experiences or like there was something broken about you? I don't know the best way to explain to a child that he may or may not experience something far later in life, and how much and what kind of information is helpful as opposed to something that would turn into a source of fear and self-doubt.

Thanks so much for any thoughts you may have!

Hi there anon!! Thank you for reaching out, I think it's awesome that you are doing your best to educate yourself/yourselves about the schizo spec experience as a result of this situation!

Firstly, I'm wondering what y'alls relationship is to the mother? If at all possible, I recommend getting to know the mother. It will first off give you a firsthand secondhand understanding of the type of psychosis she’s dealing with, and hopefully over time, things that have helped her feel better. Second off, hopefully it will demystify psychosis to you guys on some level, so it isn't this scary foreign object that your child might be harbouring. And lastly, it makes it easier to communicate with the kid as he gets older about who his mother is, why she wasn't in a place to raise him herself etc.

If for whatever reasons getting to know the mother is not an option, finding another way to get in touch with adults who deal with psychosis can be good. Psychosis can be very hard to understand for people who never experienced anything like it, but by reading accounts from people who have (as you are doing), and ideally through meeting and getting to know people who struggle with these things, it starts to feel less alien. Or so I believe. The common human response to psychotic people is often dehumanization. Because it's too painful to internalize that this is a real person like everyone else having emotions and experiences that are as real to them as any emotion or experience is to anyone else. So talking to adults who go through life with the veil to the nightmare realm being a bit too thin for comfort, is important, so you don't feel like psychosis = lost child. (Not instigating that you do, just stressing the importance).

So the thing about psychosis and so on is that yeah, so there's some genetic component in here, but as you also allude to, psychosis is many different things. That said, looking at diagnoses, getting a diagnosis of schizophrenia, autism, adhd and schizotypal is more likely if you have a parent with either of those diagnoses. So a schizophrenic parent increases the risk of autism too etc. At lower instances this is true of every psychiatric disorder.

This is all to say, diagnoses are a simplified way to look at a complex reality. But people who go on to develop psychosis, and not uncommonly their direct descendants, often have what could be described as non-specific neurodivergency that can go in different directions. As a result, most schizophrenic people, for instance, relate strongly to autistic and adhd experiences (and some have earlier diagnoses of such).

Kids with this type of non-specific neurodivergency are prone to experiencing bullying etc, which can be a bad feedback loop for developing psychotic tendencies (bc kids with psychotic tendencies get bullied more + bullying causes an increase in psychotic symptoms).

So what I'm getting at is that there's a good chance the kid might face some difficulties in life, and trying to build him a safe base at home and a place to express his emotions and experiences (even if they're weird or concerning!) without judgment, is very important.

To answer your question, yes, I think you'd say that I had a prodromal phase. But in my case it's a bit odd to say, since it happened when I was very young. In kindergarten and early school years, I experienced what would generally be referred to as such. And by middle school I was paranoid and delusional to a classic psychotic degree. In a lot of ways I was lucky that school was very easy to me, and I figured out ways to deal with these symptoms and get through life for the most part until this started falling apart in uni when I was in my early twenties, where I eventually was put in a position where I had to face professional assistance .. This may come across as unusual based on the literature, but I talk to many many psychotic people, and the vast majority of those that I talk to, had paranoid ideation, extreme magical thinking, hallucinations and dissociation as commonplace in childhood. Often it takes years before it gets acknowledged as such, but nevertheless.

So for me, while my dad might qualify for diagnosis beyond adhd (which he has), my (late) aunt was the “big bad schizo” in my family history. My dad told me some frankly quite terrifying stories when I was a child about his schizophrenic sister, about how she behaved, how she was treated (in the 60s and 70s), her beliefs, her suicide attempts and her suicide. As a child I felt a kinship to this aunt who died many years before I was born, but it was equally clear to me that my dad was traumatized by the way he lost his sister, and I was terrified of becoming “like her”. So like. That was not a helpful approach, I can say that much.

That said I enjoyed kinda having her as a weird icon of ‘the other weirdo in the family’ on some level I didn't yet know how to explain. So I think that talking to your kid about his mum is good and important, including her struggles, but I think it's important to do so in an age appropriate manner. I don't think you need to spell out to him that he should look out for these signs in himself, it will come naturally, if he knows his mother was “like that”. If he starts to experience things, he now has words and context to begin to understand what's happening to him. That's the key to building “insight” on a lot of levels. And if you manage to present it as something that isn't a literal death sentence, he may be more willing and feel more safe to talk to you about it too.

On that note, I think that regardless of his mum's condition, it's important to introduce him to the concept of psychosis and associated experiences as a spectrum, so he doesn't assume that there's only one way to be “like that” with one common result. So like, don't specifically tell him to look out for things like whether he is feeling paranoid, bc I don't think that's helpful. But letting him know that his mother struggles with/has struggled with such thoughts and experiences, and it's a type of disorder that has a name/names, and can manifest in many different ways, could be a helpful middle ground.

As for how to tell other teenage difficulties from the prodromal stages of schizophrenia, honestly it's neigh impossible. I would argue that the presence of ipseity disturbance points towards schizophrenia, but I wouldn't recommend asking a bunch of questions related to the experience of self, bc that's triggering as hell if he IS dealing with that .. So I think my best advice is to deal with symptoms as they arise, and don't look for a specific inevitable pattern. There's no real way to know the future, and if you expect Y symptom once you've seen X symptom, you can accidentally push him in that direction. So I think that responding to any given symptom as a standalone experience, rather than as a sign of a specific disorder, is the best approach. The worst thing that can happen is you guys starting to interpret his whole person according to the expectations of a disorder (even if he does get diagnosed with said disorder!). He's always an individual first.

An important note is that it's not like we have any treatment that definitely halts a prodromal phase anyways. People talk a lot about early intervention, but from my perspective it's pretty controversial.

Sure, if you can afford it, it might be great if he has a therapist that he trust during his teenage years, to talk things through with etc. But other than that there's not much to do. I'm not really a proponent of early intervention antipsychotics, and I think the best is to not assume the steps ahead, but just help him wherever he's at. Plenty of people go through what could accurately be described as a prodromal phase without ever developing further, too. Sometimes things just are, and your kid is a bit of a weirdo, and that's fine! :p

On the note of memoirs and so on, I don't know if you read it, but I really liked the book “a road back from schizophrenia” by Arnhild Lauveng, I think it may be a relevant read too. The English translation is lackluster, but it still gets the points across I feel.

At the end of the day there’s no real way to predict if your child will experience these struggles, but hey, that's true for any child! He has a whole life of experiences ahead of him, some good, some bad. And the best you can do is be by his side, and try to give him a safe space where he feels that he can be himself and talk about his experiences, good or bad. And this also includes respecting when he sets boundaries and doesn't want you involved, which can be hard if psychosis is involved. But the best way to keep being a safe person long term is to respect his boundaries, even if they are arbitrary or doesn't seem to make sense based on your understanding of the world.

Just the fact that you are sending this message to this account, I take as a wonderful sign of your investment in this kid and his future. I hope you will love him lots, and he you (and your partner). I hope you have a happy beautiful family ❤️ with or without psychosis.

#suicide cw #long post

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enpr-ss · 1 year

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At the start of his World Domination, right after the announcement, when everyone's cheering him on, Touichirou is thinking: where is his son, why wasn't he there to support him on? :(

More Suzuki Touichirou / Claw thoughts (unorganized because I gave up lol)

Suzuki promised money and power. 100M Yen (to Joseph) isn't much. Going to assume USD.

Touichirou is mostly in Japan? Or was he scouting for a long time? Shou seems to be based in Japan ("when are you coming back to Japan?") and his dad too.

Cults founded in the past 20 years are part of Claw as funding. Also other powerful people are sponsors hoping to secure a spot in the new world order?

Did Claw fill the power gap after Mogami?

10 foreign mercenaries willing to go with Claw. In the entire world. What is this statistic.

48 YEARS OLD??!! HE STARTED WHEN HE WAS 28?

Touichirou began the official announcement even before his son thought he would (because Shou thought they would be done by then)

Interestingly, the 7th division doesn't know much about the Super 5. Seems like Touichirou really was personally recruiting

TOUICHIROU IS INCREDIBLY SENTIMENTAL AND SILLY IN HIS MOTIVATIONS, EVEN IF HIS METHODS ARE LOGICAL AND RUTHLESS.

Consider: Omurice, hometown, not killing / scarring Shou, conquering the world just to win an argument with his wife

TONKOTSU CITY?!?!?!

Touichirou jokes around and is joked with (kinda) with the Super 5. He's emotionally honest and communicative with them. Informal too. Probably because he doesn't care about their opinion of him.

Shibata isn't an idiot (ish)

Shou rebelled and ran away from home multiple times to avoid attending meetings LOL. And Touichirou just let him, because he eventually came back and life went on. Touichirou probably thought this was just more of the same.

No wonder Shou thinks his dad is cringe, imagine hearing this sort of advice sincerely from his dad for YEARS. Bet his mom heard it from Shou secondhand and was like don't listen to your dad that's some middle school mindset. I know you don't know what middle school is but trust your mother on this. He wasn't like that when I married him but that is why I left.

Touichirou does neglect Shou but wasn't straight up abusing him… until he does rip

And Shou hits right back (verbally I mean), and like dang. Kid has a point there.

Touichirou can do all 5 elements (wind fire ice lightning earth [aka telekinesis])

Even Serizawa knows about Shou's rebelliousness

TIME FOR SOME DISCIPLINE

Well at least Touichirou did his research on espers and governments. Even if he's bad at it

Touichirou is willing to engage and talk to Shou… honestly better than even my parents.

Touichirou wanted the area evacuated to not escalate things that quickly and to prevent infiltration

Did Touichirou force everyone to dress nicely for his bland welcoming parties…

Shou never wins verbally with Touichirou.. ouch.

Was Touichirou a pacifist before? Dude really thought he could conquer the world and get his wife back… basically area man doesn't want to admit he lost the 5-year argument with his wife

Obviously we know why Touichirou flashback-ed to when his wife left. But why did he think about the cat / gentle moment?

The utter "what." of Touichirou's face when Shou casually goes yeah I see mom regularly LOL. Angst DENIED.

#Suzuki Touichirou #Suzuki Shou #Shou's Mother #enpr-ss #mp100

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iamcrywolf · 11 months

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7/2/23 1:56 am - Aphelion

Ever since I was 11 or 12 years old, it has always happened the same way. For months my soul feels as if I am in a crowd of loved ones, close enough to reach out and touch, to smell, to feel the secondhand warmth emanating off of. I am comfortably snug in the center of humanity. Then at some ill-fated moment, with no warning, I blink, and when my eyes open all of the people that surrounded me are in the distance, with an immense and unfathomably deep chasm between us. They are so far away from where I stand that I have to squint just to see what they are. There is no warmth. There are no smells. No touch or sensation. Simply a gaping horror along with a vague impression of the existence of other beings more or less similar to me in shape, with no way to communicate or interact.

The sudden realization of that immense chasm between me and humanity. That is what has turned my brain in circles ever since I can remember.

Is the initial closeness the reality, and the chasm simply a wicked lie my mind masochistically entertains? I would love to believe that… But would the nature of evolution really create an organism which tortures itself with unnecessary and inactionable falsehoods? One that sends itself into useless negative spirals, decreasing its chances of livelihood and its capacity to thrive and reproduce? What use would that serve? From everything I have seen, the biological imperative - the goal of life itself - is not truth. It is the propagation of more life. Our systems unconsciously edit information, change memories, ignore sensations, and will gladly misperceive reality in any number of ways if it helps us live and thrive. As such, it seems much more likely that the human organism would tell itself a helpful lie than a useless truth, and much less so a useless lie.

Knowing that, I feel nauseating dread creeping up from my belly. The faint smell of putrescine enters my nostrils as the possibility finally emerges: Is the closeness itself the actual lie? A precious illusion my mind holds onto for dear life — an act of love to spare my soul the torment of the horrifying reality of that chasm? Maybe these periods of despair are simply moments when my mind loses the willpower necessary to keep locked away that terrible truth lurking at the core of humankind; That every one of us are, at our cores, where it matters most, utterly alone, and always have been alone, and there is nothing in the world that can or will ever change that. That the idea that one person can even remotely fathom the soul of another is a grand illusion we maintain in order to keep ourselves alive, knowing if we were to see the truth for what it is we would descend into existential madness and drive our species extinct. That we are all adrift like stars in the universe, visible to each other, yet infinitely distant, forever wandering further apart as we continue to differentiate and increase in complexity, forming our own solar systems made up of various parts of ourselves and small remnants of others, forever haunted by the distant memory of the brief feeling of oneness we experienced before being violently expelled from the heartless womb of the universe.

Throughout my life many of the thinkers I have respected most have spoken so highly of the superiority of truth, that we should seek it at all costs, stare at it unflinchingly. But as I’ve grown older I’ve started to be less focused on objective truths and more focused on useful truths. I think there are too many truths for the human brain to hold at once. It makes more sense to focus on the ones that help, that serve a purpose. Maybe human intimacy is a lie. But why does it matter? What can truly be done about it? Would I choose nonexistence? Would I turn myself back into dust to escape the burden of knowing? Nihilism used to feel courageous and exciting, but now it just feels cowardly and whiny. In front of humanity is a beautiful garden, and behind them is the chasm. Are the “bold ones” who turn around and stare at the pit in despair truly more noble than the ones who decide they would rather look at flowers? Or are the wisest among us instead the ones that have consciously faced towards the garden, realizing they can’t look at everything at once, and that nothing useful comes from knowing we are fucked?

And I wish I truly could do that. Fully accept the more helpful reality. I believe I succeed for the most part, these days.

Yet every so often, when I embrace a loved one, my arms surround them, yet in my mind I see them far in the distance, a tiny black dot, too far away to hear, to touch, to smell, to hold. I am adrift in space. Acutely aware that, from the day I was born, the deepest part of my soul has been on its hands and knees, gnashing its teeth, weeping into the emptiness. Rending its throat raw and ragged, wailing for what it has lost.

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twdmusicboxmystery · 8 months

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Mork and Mindy in DD Ep 2

So, this isn't truly going to say anything much different than I already said in my analysis (that the episode was about romance and it was placed purposely to hint at Daryl's coming relationship, and that he had to be thinking about Beth) but now we actually have confirmation of it.

First off, everyone should go read this article:

Done? Good. Guys, they're drawing the parallels FOR us. This is one of those sites that would have posted this not only with Gimple's permission but at his direction. They want us to know what this was for and that it was oh-so-appropriate for Daryl's upcoming story.

Inside this article, there is also the Youtube video of the entire episode if you want to watch it. I'll repost it here as well:

youtube

The thing is, when you watch it, you see that the entire thing isn't just about romance. It's about MARRIAGE. What it takes to make a marriage work, and such.

So, I think it's safe to say that all our claims about the marriage symbolism that happened around Beth and Daryl in S4 was real.

I would recommend everyone read the article and watch the Mork and Mindy episode. I'll put our discussion about it below.

But I just love that they put this in the episode. I love where it's obviously going, and that it's so on-the-nose. Love everything about it!

Our Discussion:

@wdway:

You have got to read this Comicbook article about the Mork and Mindy episode. It makes my speculation about the reason they actually used Mork & Mindy (and Who's The Boss) very possible. They even bring up the the scene in Still where Daryl talks about Merle to Beth. They don't mention Beth but it's definitely a call back to Still.

I am so excited about this article. Can't wait to read your reactions.

@galadrieljones

Omg I read it so fast at first, I missed the part where he references the story with Merle and the cartoon with the talking dog. This is so interesting. Why did they feel the need to include that? They could have said literally anything else, like actual stuff that we saw Merle do, not a story we heard secondhand through Daryl in Still. Also, the four tenets of a successful marriage? Why include that as well?

@twdmusicboxmystery

Love it! I love that they’re making these connections for us. Gimple and Kang probably told the site exactly what to write. They’re calling back to Still and also telling us that this all about marriage. You know, in case anyone hadn’t figured that out on their own.

@wdway

I can't help but think that when Daryl goes all sad while he's watching the episode that that's when Mork was making his report and that when Mork starts talking about what makes a good marriage Daryl reminded of, if only.... with Beth. I may cry.

@galadrieljones

Seeing as Alone has the makings of a total wedding/marriage allegory I think she would be the only person he could possibly be thinking of

@wdway

I've been meaning to talk to you guys about this for a while. And I was actually purposely waiting to read some of the reviews of this second episode by Comicbook. I haven't checked it completely out, although in checking information out that is such a @galadrieljones skill. Have I mentioned you look really lovely this evening Galadriel, haha.

I believe Comicbook and Kirkman has some kind of connection. It seems like years ago I heard about some type of connection with them. Which means they probably have inside information from Gimple. They are fed certain things that other articles do not seem to have. In reading the review that they did before the show started remember it was Comicbook that mentioned Beth in the first paragraph.

They also refer to Carol as Dary's best friend. They've done that numerous times in different articles. My theory in waiting to mention this was to see if there was some kind of mention of Beth or to one of their episodes and sure enough it's right in this article. The mention of Merle and the story about the dog cartoon confirmed my suspicions.

I will never be able to see that scene and Daryl going so sad suddenly without believing in my heart he's listening to Mork talking about marriage.

@galadrieljones

Thank you. I appreciate the compliment as I am feeling quite grungy tonight so this is the confidence boost I crave. I will try to see if I can find anything!

I tried to do some reading on comicbook. There's no like, immediate link between them that I can find, other than that there are a TON of stories about him on that site. The one kind of interesting thing about comicbook that I found though is that it is owned by Paramount Global, which is obviously a huge media conglomerate. Like it owns a LOT of everything. I scanned its assets and it has several formal partnerships with AMC. In their "about" section, they state overtly that they have direct contact with "tainers and creators of the industry" and their executive editor worked in PR for Marvel for 7 years before taking over comicbook.

The president and founder of comicbook, Joe Blackmon, is a director for Paramount and also serves as the executive editor for popculture.com, another Paramount venture. Kirkman has worked with Marvel several times and is generally one of the most well-known comic book writers and creators in the entire industry. Walking Dead is his most famous work, but he's had a bunch of other important comics and also has his own comic book imprint, Skybound.

Idk I think it's safe to say that comicbook.com is a fairly reputable publication, and just based on how often you guys have cited it as a reliable source of information for TWD, it seems particularly noteworthy. Also, the guy who wrote the article about Mork and Mindy, Cameron Bonomolo, is the same guy who wrote the review for Daryl Dixon that you're citing. He's been on TWDU beat for comicbook since 2017, so it's fair to say he'd be a trusted ally by tptb at this point. Anyway, sorry I can't verify any direct involvement by Kirkman lol. But I will say I'm honestly pleased that this is a Paramount Global brand because it just means they have a legit footprint in the industry, and their information can most likely be trusted above other sources.

@wdway

Thanks so much for doing that research. When I was reading all of your information skybound stood out to me. For some reason I think that might be the connection, but I don't know for sure. Surely it would have showed up when you were going through.

And yes, the writer Cameron Bonomolo is always the one I make sure had written the articles. I always find most of his writing to align with our view of the show.

I went back to reread the article again because I wanted to really look at the four things to have for a successful marriage. You guys might have already discovered it, but I didn't realize that the episode actually can be accessed through the article. So, I watch the whole thing and it's worth at least skipping to the end of it, the last few minutes where Mork gives his final report.

You'll have to go and watch because the last part is the knife to the heart with a twist. In hearing Mork explain the four elements, it so screams what Daryl probably felt with Beth. I wish I had written it down and probably will go back to rewatch the end to get that last couple of minutes. It was about making someone feel they are of value. I just know it must be the feeling that Beth gave Daryl about himself. Then I also noticed when I went back that this is from Mork & Mindy season 4. I just thought because of it being from s4 that makes another suspicious eye roll. Now it would have been fantastic if it was s4 e13 like Alone, it was not, it was e22. I mean seriously, what is it about the number 22.

@galadrieljones

Omg I love that. I will have to watch it tomorrow! I did love that show as a child, so I’m sure it will be a neat little bit of nostalgia. Also something else that stuck out to me in the article is the fact that they worked really hard to get the rights to the episode. They must have really really wanted this one specific thing.

@wdway

I went back and watched the last of the Mork & Mindy episode where Mork is giving his report to his supervisor, who ask Mork why bother with marriage, this is Mork's reply. The work is hard and the hours are long. When I look at Mindy I see warmth, I see love, I see someone who makes me feel that I matter in this vast lonely world. It's so simple but at the same time so very moving. You will never be able to convince me that this is not what Daryl is hearing when suddenly he looks so sad. I feel that he personalized it thinking of his time with Beth. When I look at Beth I see warmth, I see love, I see someone who makes me feel that I matter in this vast lonely universe. Daryl wants to matter to someone in this vast and lonely universe.

@twdmusicboxmystery

So beautiful!

@galadrieljones

Of course that is what he felt. It draws attention to the idea that no matter how much love and support he has from the ppl around him, to Daryl, it doesn’t feel specialized or “just for him.” I think this is not important to all ppl or characters but to Daryl who has been basically starving for love his whole life, the idea of having one person who loves him more than they love anybody else and who understands him through and despite his faults while making him want to be better so that he can better care for that person in return is perhaps the ultimate dream

I agree it’s so beautiful and thanks Ann for watching and reporting back!

@wdway

I wish we would have heard it in the episode. Of course it would have been in French but I would have taken subtitles. The article seems very purposeful though and to include the episode very important.

It was very enjoyable to see Robin Williams so young and lively. This is what helped really launch his career and made him such a beloved comedian. You may not be as familiar with the comedian Jonathan Winters who plays Mork and Mindy son. He is like a Benjamin Button character on Mork's planet they start out old and grow young. When their son was delivered in an egg he was an old man. If you thinking while watching but Jonathan is trying to act like Robin Williams that is a wrong impression because Jonathan Winters was Robin Williams comedic idol and a lot of how Robin used comedy was taken from Jonathan. In this episode you'll see two other characters, one is an older man which is Mindy's father and the woman is if I'm not mistaken her grandmother I think it might have been her mother's mother.

@galadrieljones

I am watching the episode! It's so wholesome. I also looked up some information on this episode and I was interested to learn that it's the last episode of the entire series. The show was unexpectedly cancelled, or not renewed, and even though this episode was filmed prior to the original final three episodes of the season, they moved this one to the end because it felt like an appropriate way to close the series, which is ultimately about their true love and relationship.

A happy ending to foreshadow a happy ending, perhaps?

@twdmusicboxmystery

I watched the Mork and Mindy episode. I don’t have anything to add that you both haven’t already said. I just couldn’t help but he struck by the fact that the entire episode is about marriage. No way that’s not purposeful. Which means Daryl is headed for a happy marriage, one way or the other. All those who think it’s with Carol stand on your head.

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #team delusional #team defiance #td theories #td theory #beth is almost here #bethyl #daryl dixon spinoff #dd spinoff #mork and mindy #daryl is getting married #Youtube

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bigskydreaming · 8 months

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Last post on this -

I genuinely would like people who take the opposite POV on this to just think about it, and their own personal answers to this question, which I am not presuming to know. I'm just presenting the question:

Keeping in mind that my opinion on incest is shaped not JUST by the fact that I'm a survivor and aware of its impact on me, but also by how its shaped my entire life, the years I've spent trying to work my mind around why it happened, how it impacted me, how it affected my views of the world, the years of study I've put into the phenomenon of incest and its impact, absorbing all kinds of opinions and input about it while trying to make sense of its place in my life and history.....keeping in mind that my views on incest and even its impact on me were NOT always consistent or linear and there have been periods of my life where I held different opinions on it, and some points where I even internalized a lot of the same things people say in fandom to talk about how harmless it is or how its no big deal and thus am actually QUITE familiar with those POVs and the reasons and arguments for thinking those things -

How many people who kneejerk dismiss my reactions to incest as overwrought, too skewed by personal bias, etc.....can honestly say they are as informed on the subject? I'm not even talking about whether or not any individuals reading this are survivors themselves - as I just acknowledged, I'm fully aware that incest survivors can disagree on a lot of this as I myself have held to different opinions on it at prior points in my life so please don't go there -

I'm simply asking you to ask YOURSELVES.....if you're not a survivor yourself, if your knowledge of incest and its possible impact is secondhand or hearsay....

Can you genuinely, in all honesty, say that you've put as much time and contemplation in actively seeking out additional information, counter-arguments, and dissenting opinions to weigh all sides of this before making up your own mind and only THEN coming to the conclusion that its actually no big deal?

Because that is the part that bothers me the most - how often I see survivors dismissed by people who are citing points of view that are EASILY rebutted by even just relatively basic information out there about WHY incest is deemed so harmful, not because of interbreeding or genetics but through the lens of family dynamics and societal impact upon survivors.

I know I've made post after post over the years refuting various pro (or 'neutral') incest talking points or detailing just why its so much more insidious and harmful than a lot of people deem it to be after just a cursory look at a few biased opinions in favor of it.....

And pretty much none of them have ever been engaged with.

And I know I've never seen posts actually TALKING about incest and its impact on people and families getting any kind of traction in fandom circulation.

So I'm genuinely asking, because if people who argue on behalf of it or who dismiss it as no big deal are basing that on having put time and effort into INFORMING themselves on the topic before drawing their own conclusions as to its harmlessness....

They're not basing that on conversations happening in any fandom spaces I've ever seen draw much attention. So they'd have to either have personal knowledge themselves (and while I make no attempt to presume the survivor status of any individual, I will NOT pretend that the entirety of the pro-incest fandom camps so abundant on tumblr and Ao3 are made up entirely of survivors, that's a completely different thing than asking people to be mindful of the possibility a single individual might be speaking from personal knowledge), or they'd have to be seeking out informed stances on the possible harm of incest through non-fandom spaces before deciding that yeah, actually incest is no big deal.

And I'm sorry, but I do not see that latter possibility as all that likely, based on ANY fandom experience I have when it comes to controversial topics and lived experiences.

So.....if there are a lot of people out there whose insistence that incest is no big deal is rooted entirely in just having internalized fandom opinions in DEFENSE of it or its lack of capacity to do harm....

I would like to ask people to reflect on that, and the implications.

If your own stance on incest isn't based on personal experiences or having sought out or informed yourselves on BOTH arguments in defense of it and in CRITICISM of it.....

Maaaaaaaybe skip the condescending takes about whether people who cite it as a bad thing that does harm have done THEIR due diligence before deciding that yes, it actually IS harmful and SHOULD be spoken out against?

Something to think about, is all I'm saying.

#okay now im done #i usually lie about that the first time I 'move on' from a topic but this is the second time Ive said that about this today #so this time should be right

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magicalmelancholy-blog1 · 1 year

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A Quick Overview Of Why You Should Vote For TsubaKuro

@homoerotic-shonen-rival-showdown

Look I know CatAdora is going to sweep because they're fucking CatAdora. But why not consider a ship you've never heard of instead?

At the very least, read this if you've never seen She-Ra, because if you're going to vote based on second-hand knowledge, you should at least vote based on second-hand knowledge about both sets of characters.

And by secondhand knowledge, I mean I'm going to post dialogue straight off of the wiki. I'll try my best to include context, but it'll be short since I wanna focus on the stars of this poll.

The most important context is that Len'en is a bullet hell game, and thus for most of the on-screen time, people are going to be fighting.

Reason 1: Kuroji is always going on about being inferior to Tsubakura.

(Note: The Tsubakura here is a fake Tsubakura. Still, Kuroji hadn't realized it at this point so their response is genuine.)

Tell me there's a heterosexual explanation for this. I mean, you're allowed to interpret Tsubakura and Kuroji's genders in a way that would make them straight, but even if they're straight, that still doesn't make them straight.

(Note: Yabusame is a mutual friend of theirs and works with Tsubakura at the shrine you'll see talked about in these dialogues.)

(Note: Saragimaru is someone Kuroji blackmailed into doing their bidding because they're an asshole. This is a section of the game where KuroSara and YabuTsuba fought because the game creator didn't have enough slots to fill in all 6 stages otherwise, and a bullet hell game's gotta have 6 stages right? This isn't a critique I love all the duo attacks, themes, and character interactions that came out of this arrangement.)

(Note: Shion is a newborn youkai made up out of many souls that got entrusted to YabuTsuba after the third game.)

Reason 2: Kuroji vagues Tsubakura even when they're not around.

(Note: "black" here is used because Kuroji has kinda black hair and Tsubakura wears mostly black. I assume it's more natural in Japanese.)

(Note: Shou and Lumen are boss enemies in the second game.)

Reason 3: Witty banter

(Note: "The dumb one" is Yabusame.)

(Note: This is after Tsubakura said that Kuroji is actually a good person sometimes. You'll see that bit of dialogue later.)

Reason 4: Tsubakura has praise for Kuroji too!

(Note: This is YabuTsuba's bad ending for the third game. I actually forgot to include this in my submission! Anyway, the joke is that Tsubakura died but got brought back to life by a magic flower, and everyone is acting like they're still dead for the bit.)

(Note: Jinbei is the familiar of the shrine YabuTsuba work at. They help out with various duties.)

Reason 5: This Conversation

This time I'm going to give the context beforehand, since this conversation is a bit long. Some dialogue for the upcoming Len'en game was released a year ago, to give us a teaser. This dialogue consists of two characters, NiLU and Tom, going over the dialogue for the first game for the sake of information gathering.

Mainly it's just an excuse to have the dialogue from previous games in there at all (since it's a mobile game that the creator plans on using as an entry point for people that are interested in his series).

You remember from before when Kuroji said something like "You always, always surpass me"? This is the reaction to that.

Reason 6: I dunno where to put these two interview questions so they're going here:

Some Fanfic Recommendations:

This is mostly so you can experience the same thing that the runner of the poll did when I sent them a submission. Remember, these are not a reflection of canon. They are, however, fics I like (yes I know one of them is mine, that's because I'm proud of it).

Typhoon Commute by Nobelium

The Next Step by Nobelium

I Kept It Warm For You by FatalYeet

Only A Fool by MagicalMelancholy

#len'en #len'en project #tsubakura enraku #kuroji shitodo #tsubakuro #kurotsuba #poll propaganda

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despairing-disaster · 1 year

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Initial thoughts on ch 2 ep 1 (ik it’s early but I wanna lay out some stuff rn)

Listen, ppl all had their own opinions about the protag swap theory. Some thought it would happen, some thought it was stupid, I thought it was gonna be a temporary POV change in the first episode before Teruko got back to her regular girlbossing and whaddaya know, I was right!

On the topic of me being right though, I swear the only times I am right about things are when I can’t exactly explain why I think something, therefore I don’t ever say it because “that’s stupid,” but I feel like the motive as well as the delivery, both in the timing and the fallout, was something I could’ve seen coming. I dismissed the idea as too dramatic at some point, apparently forgetting that DRDT is the reality TV of fangans (but probably less scripted somehow).

I’m honestly pretty hyped about the motive though. I always thought that the canon equivalent in the first game was lacking in some ways, so seeing a fresh twist on a classic is always fun.

It also makes me wonder about the hidden quotes. Ik I talk abt these more than I reasonably probably should given they’re, uh, hidden, but in addition to what probably counts as more context for J’s quote, I’m also currently looking at Arei’s and Levi’s.

Levi talked a bit about his family and being disowned as well as how he feels he has to put effort into being nice, so a part of me wonders if there’s something he feels particularly guilty about in relation to his quote. His listed dislike is also unpredictable people and I figure that may be related as well.

But Arei’s seems more pertinent to me. She’s been nothing but an emotionally manipulative ass this whole time and now she has someone else’s dirty laundry and the full ability to air it if she so pleases, but idk what she’s gonna do with it. If her quote is relevant to something in this chapter in particular, she may decide on keeping it to herself. She obviously has a limited idea of how friendships really work, but maybe she has some decency when it comes to a situation like this.

Teruko’s commentary and leaning on the 4th wall as well as MonoTV’s incredibly (in)convenient incompetence is really only doing more to reinforce the idea in my mind that she knows way more than she’s letting on as well as a the fact that a lot of information about her is being withheld from the audience and we probably don’t have a complete look into her mind. Also, the phone. We have seen that phone before, just not in the killing game.

I feel like Arturo’s reaction to finding out J was related to a famous actress was... kind of what I expected it to be, but for all his preaching about physical beauty, he sure didn’t fuckin notice anything special about her until that exact moment, huh. Almost like he’s full of shit and just obsessed with fame and glamour as concepts.

It’s also really sweet to see Charles actually probably have more faith and hope coming out of the trial than going into it. And despite the tensions and him being turned down, him asking Teruko if she wants to explore with him is probably the most civil conversation they’ve had so far throughout the entire game. I think even if neither of them have a lot of faith in everyone else, they at least seem like they have less hard feelings towards each other. Like two siblings who grew up in a shitty household and always fought but start actually tolerating each other the moment they accept they were both victims even if they don’t really talk about it.

I’m fuckin scared to see my boy get woobified even more tho.

Oh! And a bit more on J’s quote actually. I wonder if her animosity towards her mom (and actors as a whole) was just wrought from the secondhand fame she never wanted or if her mother tried to force her into acting herself. Her dialogue in the FTEs that dropped last year at the very least indicate she had femininity forced upon her, but pushing a child into acting for more fame and fortune is a very special kind of fucking your kid up for the rest of their life and the horrible shit child actors and actresses are put through is becoming more and more discussed in an ever increasingly digital world.

But yeah. Mega hyped for this chapter, especially with the motive as I am, unfortunately, a sucker for hot, juicy goss

#danganronpa despair time

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ophiespeaks · 26 days

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Illiteracy in higher education.

i usually don’t post about my personal life on here but i had an interaction so confusing that i wanted to share it into void. if i talk to any of my friends about it it’s too personal and i feel like i’m making fun of this person specifically so internet anonymity is the better option.

So, I essentially work as a writing tutor at my university. People come in and have me look over their academic work and I point to sentences or paragraphs and tell them what I think needs improved or explain to them why a concept works and that sort of thing. I had someone come to me applying for grad school (Yippieee!!) and they asked about a specific type of paper/assignment that can be included in a grad school application that I’ve personally never worked with before. Instead of being like “sorry dog i’ve never applied to grad school” and calling it a day, I decided we would collaboratively look for sources with the information they needed. They watched me almost confused as I scrolled down the first few results and clicked on a website from something like the university of Illinois. they then asked me why i scrolled. almost absentmindedly, i kind of just gave a brief explanation while looking for an example paper, something like “oh, it’s an edu.” They were confused. So, i ramble-explained that .edu, .org, and .gov are all semi-reliable sources when compared to a .com. with further prompting i explained some of the nuances. for example, a .com is commercial, it can be owned by anyone who wants to or in some cases pays for the website to stay up/keep the url. meanwhile i explained edu is educational-sites only, like college homepages, .org is an official organization that has to have some level of verification and documentation that they’re a real company, and .gov is an offfical government site. this person then asked me what does the difference mean in terms of including them in things like essays and research. essentially, I just explained that while .coms are often correct based off of a lose honor system (people wouldn’t visit their site if they were wrong about stuff), they’re almost always secondhand information just conglomerated into one site. (think of wikipedia, for example.) Versus anything published on a .org is probably organization findings, or on a .edu it’s probably professor/instructor research and grad school datasets conducted at the university, a .gov is officially released government information which includes a wide variety of things. but, at its core, the three others are more likely to provide primary sources, finding the original study, data, quote, etc.

i didn’t think too much about it at the time but I’m actually going crazy over it now. I thought that I was incredibly tech illiterate. but— applying for graduate school and not knowing the real difference on why you’d use a .edu over a .com was insane to me. after further thought into this subject I honestly don’t even blame this individual. i genuinely think education, both public and university, are FAILING to teach people not only basic english skills, but basic online navigation.

this person was only 3-6 years older than me. university professors ask you to use APA formatted citations with academic sources and don’t even bother to read your citation list, calling it good enough if it looks correct when they skim over it. not to mention the citation list was almost absolutely generated on perdue owl’s APA 7 generator site. this lack of attention and honestly care of these instructors to teach, combined with the idea of “no child left behind” being implemented is currently allowing adults, some applying for GRADUATE school, to miss crucial aspects of academic writing. what’s worse is this person is studying language. i really don’t blame them— you don’t know what you’re never taught. i’m more upset that the institution had this person go through four years for their bachelor’s degree and somehow never taught them why you should try and use other urls/websites than a .com for an academic source. of course, there are exceptions to this rule, obviously. and, again, .com sites can absolutely be correct. but the fact that i had to explain this to someone applying for graduate school makes me not think that this PERSON is ignorant, but that the education system has failed to teach them the proper channels and methodology for what they’re doing.

this lends to a much bigger issue that I’m seeing in my workplace. that is, English-native speakers not being able to write…anything. illiteracy is no joke. and i work with people with learning disabilities and such pretty frequently— that’s not what I’m talking about. in fact, those writers are often more receptive to feedback and are actually easier to work with than someone who just wants me to “proofread” their essays. I’m not talking about writers with learning disabilities. however, I’ve seen honors-colloquium english students come in with some of the most unreadable garbage i’ve ever seen. and i don’t mean that to be an asshole. i mean, literally, i don’t even know what they’re writing about for half a page because i can’t understand their sentences. common mistakes i see, listed in no particular order:

1. Typing something out how it sounds. A correct sentence would be “David and I walked down town, looking for our lost dog.” I’ve seen a similar sentence that actually said “David an I walked downtown, looking four hour lost dog.”

2. Missing Punctuation. I mean genuinely no punctuation, anywhere. the entire essay is a run-on sentence. (I tutor only at the college level, for reference.) This also includes contractions not having the necessary apostrophe. I’ve seen “im,” “weve” “hasnt” more times than i want to admit.

3. Sentence structure. As in, no one knows how to write one. I get sentence fragments all the time. “Jumped on the bed and sat down.” While you can start on a verb, it most commonly has to be in gerund form (-ing words, in this case, Jumping.) Also, this sentence has no real subject, making it just feel wrong inserted into a larger paragraph. Who’s jumping? Your guess is as good as mine.

4. Right word, wrong type. “Your” versus “You’re.” “There” “Their” “They’re.” This sort of thing. Apostrophe “re” (‘re) signifies “are,” as in “You are” or “They are.” For the other two: There is where we go, I’m headed over there. Their has an “I,” so we’re talking about people, as in, The car is theirs. Another one much more uncommon that personally upsets me when I do see it is “Through,” “Threw,” and “Thru.” We’re going through the tunnel, and she threw the bottle behind her. Threw is a verb, an action word, whereas through is a preposition, adverb, and/or an adjective. “Going through” is an adverb, for example. Thru is a drive thru. You’re picking up a McChicken and a coke.

5. Misunderstanding nuance. This is almost exclusively seen in essays for english courses where they’re reading a book, sometimes something like a play or they watched a movie, but usually it’s a book. This is less “technically” wrong and more…media illiteracy than anything else. For example, I had someone write an essay on why they thought it was stupid that Gatsby was narrated by Nick Carroway. I wanted to hold their hand while I explained why, in fact, it was a purposeful and deliberate choice from Fitzgerald to make Gatsby the focal point but NOT the narrator. That it wasn’t an oversight because the author was stupid. I love literature analysis. But there’s a difference between having a different interpretation of a piece versus just fundamentally misunderstanding it. One of my favorite topics I’ve ever written about is the queer-coded nature of Carroway and Gatsby and symbolism in the novel, which might not be the author’s intent and most likely isn’t the same read that EVERY individual reading Gatsby had. There’s a difference between adding interpretation versus straight up just…not understanding a big part of it.

There’s absolutely more examples but to avoid redundancy (another huge issue in essays I read, but I digress), my point is that schools have failed us. Covid, no child left behind, etc. have ensured that everyone passes so long as they turn their work in. Not just that- completing an assignment is a 100% A+ in most cases. A professor is questioned and hated for giving a bad grade to a bad essay because the student has been Pavlov’d into thinking that turning in essay = A. they aren’t getting better because there’s no upper grade for them. if they can get a perfect grade turning in word vomit, why would they ever give a shit? why would they ever try to get better? but then, they encounter the one professor who doesn’t give easy grades. who wants their work to excel, who wants them to produce something of substance. and not only do they suffer greatly because of educational mishandling outside of their control, but then they blame the PROFESSOR, who only wants better for them. it’s a cycle that keeps everyone hating each other instead of hating the real villain of all of this. The American Education system.

I’m gonna get off of my soapbox because I could genuinely be here all day. Also, if I made any grammar or punctuation errors here and you think pointing it out is some epic “OWNING,” i assure you it is not. because the difference is that this is an unedited tumblr text post that is still written better than 75% of the essays that come across my desk.

#ophie speaks #shut up ophie #not shifting #writing #english #college #essay #essay writing #editing #writblr #tutoring #tutor #education #education system

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