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avelera · 10 months

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Headcanon: ADHD Hob and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

So I went down the rabbithole on ADHD and rejection sensitivity dysphoria (and found this lecture that legit made me tear up if you have or think you have ADHD, go listen to it here) and it got me thinking, as everything is wont to do, about Hob Gadling and how if he had ADHD, which I think there's lots of fun in-text hints at that at least allow that interpretation, what are some other ways that could manifest besides his ebullient and never-ending love of life in all its endless variety?

So as sufferers of ADHD know, it's not all fun and games. The flip side of living with a dopamine-starved brain that's always seeking out new experiences and seeing the world through that lens is that other emotions slam us hard too, like rejection sensitivity dysphoria aka, "the most minor criticism can feel like an actual knife in the chest, no I don't mean mildly bummed out, I mean full on fight-or-flight brain meltdown because someone told you a comma is in the wrong place in your manuscript (not that I'm speaking from personal experience yes it's that dumb)".

ANYWAY, so I'm thinking about Hob and RSD and specifically 1789.

Specifically the line, "It's just how it's done," referring to horrific practice of human trafficking and how Hob basically shrugs while, to his minor credit, looking suddenly uncomfortable and guilty, about the fact he actively profits from this industry, and the way he cringes in on himself when called out kinda seems to indicate that he knows it's a vile practice and isn't super comfortable with being reminded of his fact by someone he respects, like Dream.

A couple notes on that little exchange between Hob and Dream:

1 ) The face Ferdinand Kingsley-as-Hob makes in that moment is absolute textbook adult ADHD rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Namely, the point where you know criticism hits you like a knife in the heart, particularly from people you respect, and you just have to cover that flinch of literal physical pain with a careful poker face.

The way Hob's tone suddenly goes cold and with his very genteel, received-pronunciation manners he levels Dream with perhaps the closest he's ever come at this point to lashing out, "You're giving me advice...?"

I'm not saying that canonically it's RSD, or that neurotypical people don't suffer pain and disappointment when receiving disapproval, but to my eyes at least, Ferdie Hob takes Dream's comment very seriously, much more so than the comic counterpart did (who needed multiple nudges before he even realized what Dream was trying to tell him about getting out of the shipping business and still seemed a bit clueless about why Dream would want that or care by the end).

2 ) Going into proper headcanon territory, I personally chart Hob's journey from destitute to wealthy slave trader as the product of someone who stopped giving a shit about others after everything he suffered in the 1600s. To be perfectly clear, this is not a fucking excuse for it, it's an examination of motives.

Because technically, after everything Hob suffered in the 1600s, he could have emerged with more empathy for the plight of others. But clearly that didn't happen. From an entirely human motivation level, that leads me personally to the conclusion that since no one helped Hob when he was at his lowest (not even Dream, though I dearly wish it was otherwise and wrote extensively on what would have happened if he had) that led him to the belief, put simply, that fuck the world so long as he got his. Why should he care about anyone else if no one cared about him?

But to go back to the topic of this essay, RSD, there's an additional element to that theory on why and how Hob leaned into not giving a shit about others, and that missing factor from what's described above is the element of everyone is doing it. Specifically worded as, "It's just how it's done."

Another really fascinating lecture I listened to on ADHD talked about how the most common trauma reaction ADHDers have to their sense of rejection, shame, and guilt that comes the way our brains react to the world is by hiding. And that also got me thinking about 1789 Hob in this context.

Because Hob as we see him in 1589 is loud in his happiness. He's sitting there, bold as brass in the middle of the White Horse, showing off his wealth with a banquet, loudly declaiming about how he pretended to be his own son twice, worked in the Tudor shipyards (what would have been 50+ years before) and just how he spent the last 100 years working his way up to his knighthood. The man does not have an ounce of caution in him. But, he is also by far the happiest we ever see Hob (up until Dream ditches him in the middle of their date).

This is important because to my eyes, Hob is living openly and unashamed and with only the barest hint of caution typified by pretending to be his own son every couple decades. The way he describes his last 100 years sounds like an ADHD dream, basically getting a boat load of money from Caxton's printing press (basically the first tech startup unicorn of the modern era) and then running around wherever his interests took him where he also made money hand over fist, kept climbing, and eventually reached the point where he could purchase the acclaim and regard of a member of the (albeit minor) nobility. All of this after being born a peasant. That's just validation and money and prestige and getting to pursue your special interest and live as your authentic self all over the place. And I do mean authentic, Hob doesn't even seem particularly worried about talking openly in the White Horse about being 200+ years old, a strong case could be made that he's not that careful in his personal life either.

So anyway, Hob has this amazing century literally followed by the worst century imaginable, filled with the sort of horrors that can tear a man's soul asunder. Losing his family, his beloved wife in childbirth with their new baby, his adult son, his home, his money, everything he spent a century building. His title and name are gone too because of the nature of how he lost it with the accusation of witch craft, which also means he can't just fake being his own son again to get it all back because they're explicitly going to notice that this time.

And how did this all happen? Because Hob got noticed. He lived there 40 years, overconfident is his own words. Which is a wild thing to say about a bunch of witch hunters showing up at his door! He blames himself for being drowned as a witch. On the one hand, I imagine he has to think that way because otherwise he has to admit to the sheer brutal randomness of life, so in a way he's trying to take control of the narrative by blaming himself.

But it also smacks of ADHD again because ADHDers very commonly shift the blame onto themselves after years of their unique nervous system response making them a round peg in a square hole of wider society. We learn over and over that the mistakes we make are our fault, because of "laziness" or "apathy" which isn't apathy at all but deep agony over our inability to accomplish tasks in a neurotypical way without the support we need, but I digress. But it sure sounds like Hob may have been paralyzed by grief for literal decades and then blamed himself for not getting the mental spoons together in that context to move on and reinvent his life after losing his wife and child. Which would be a very ADHD thing to do.

So after this absolutely brutal smackdown by reality for living too openly, too loud, too ADHD, getting paralyzed by the powerful emotions he felt (if we follow the headcanon) over the grief and loss in his life, what is Hob's next step?

Hiding.

Blending in.

Not rocking the boat.

And again, not excusing it, there's plenty of other industries he could have gone into to blend in that didn't involve human trafficking. That said, if he went to sea, which we know Hob did on many occasions from the comic, it would be seen by his peers there at sea as a normal way to make one's fortune, and then.... well, we have as evidence that this is his current peer-group the sort-of pride with which Hob announces how he's making his fortune these days in the "shipping business", as if he's expecting Dream's approval.

That to me, reads a bit like the people pleaser/social chameleon aspect of ADHD. Hob is expecting to be praised for being successful by Dream the way he would likely be praised by his peers in the shipping business or among the wealthy privileged men of England. He's so steeped in that world now that he's clearly taken aback when Dream takes the (at the time more radical but not uncommon) stance of, "This is wrong."

And Hob knew it. But he was blending in. He was going along with how things are done. He wasn't rocking the boat. He has other hints at trauma responses too, "salting money around the world" in case there's political upheaval, for example. This is not the loud, boisterous Sir Robert Gadlen untouched by loss or trauma. He has been humbled and tempered and, indeed, made afraid by what happened to him.

This sort of wild swing towards protectiveness? Again, also ADHD. As the lecturer I linked first noted, ADHDers are textbook defenders. They are always defending themselves from the world that can suddenly, unexpectedly, plant a knife in their heart because of a perceived rejection. From a world that wants their brain to work in a way it doesn't, so they have to come up with myriad painful coping mechanisms to fit in, blend in, mask, and function. Hob was forced to protect himself after the 1600s, so he did, with money, and with not caring about other people, and with insulating himself from privilege, and becoming a social chameleon.

1589 Hob tries to earn back Dream's interest, but he doesn't fawn. Dream shows interest in Shaxberd and Hob, already starting to get irritated, tells him no, Shaxberd is crap.

And you can tell in 1789 that Hob is thinking about that day again when he gets Dream's disapproval, because who does he reference? That lad, Will Shaxberd. He's fearing rejection and abandonment again, or at least it's crossed his mind after Dream's admonishment. But this time, Hob is fawning more, very nearly flirting. He's trying to play the game better this time, trying to keep Dream's interest, social chameleoning the subject onto safer topics, things he thinks will interest Dream, as Shaxberd so clearly did, so let's talk about him if that's what you care about. Again, another ADHD social chameleon, people pleaser aspect. We are nervous empaths, we are constantly picking up a bazillion signals both real and imagined. And we're so fucking terrified of that RSD knife in the heart, we become people pleasers to avoid it. After the shipping business brag fell through, Hob pivots to talking about Dream and what, in his experience, Dream seems to like and talk about favorably.

So anyway, many many ADHD-esque rambling words later, there's a few more little details I'd add to the list of "possible ADHD behavior, not just the fun parts" for Hob Gadling. Is it canon? Maybe not. But it does make for a great headcanon, in my opinion.

#hob gadling #the sandman #sandman meta #adhd #omg this got so long lol that's perfect fits the subject huh

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stemms · 5 months

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c!Dream apologists’ perception of the DSMP lore is something I’ll never truly understand, no matter how hard I try, considering they’re completely disconnected from the canon and the characters they deem to love are nothing but the inside-out shells of their original selves in their representation.

I’ll never get over the fact that c!Dream apologists define the canonicity of any plot-relevant event based on c!Tommy’s involvement and/or the angle from which c!Dream is shown. If the moment in question portrays c!Dream as morally grey or decent to some extent (or could be interpreted as such), it’s canon. However, if it shows him as the abusive, manipulative, and control-obsessed freak he is, then “cc!Dream was simply joking around with cc!Tommy, and it was OOC”. It gets even more hilarious if c!Dream apologists have such polarising reactions to practically identical events.

Another point that never made sense to me is c!Dream apologists’ unjustified hatred towards c!Tommy and the constant need to accuse him of the whole bag of tricks. They just love to villainise him, disregard his constant suffering and trauma, and treat him as if he was the cause of all the rightful criticism and anger towards c!Dream. However, they never think, even for a second, that maybe, just maybe, c!Tommy isn’t the one to blame here, but c!Dream’s harmful actions are. They also seem to find him annoying, which doesn’t make sense either because the thing they dislike is simply being a kid. And considering c!Tommy had to grow up very fast and didn’t fully get to be one for as long as he deserved, it makes sense why he’d need to compensate for it and be just a bit louder and more chaotic, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

“c!Tommy was obsessed with c!Dream.”

After the prison break, it wasn’t surprising that c!Tommy became more paranoid, couldn’t get c!Dream out of his head, and had to stay constantly on guard because his abuser, who literally possessed the power of revival and planned to make them both immortal, was Free, and it was only a matter of time until he caught him and made his plan come true… Still, c!Dream apologists tend to completely misinterpret and confuse the boy's wariness with an obsession. Considering c!Dream’s obsession stems from the very beginning of the server (s1 in particular, for example, the stalking, the tunnel under c!Tommy’s base, c!Tommy’s friends’ comments about c!Dream’s obsessive behaviour, and so much more), this claim is completely unjustified, and it’s clear to me that they’re just trying to use the boy as a scapegoat to make their fave look like a better person. Being terrified of your abuser, stalker, murderer, and tormentor is a completely valid response, and there’s not a hint of obsession in it. Not to mention that the first thing c!Dream did after breaking out of prison (after getting armour and weapons, but that was quick and necessary if he wanted to remain free) was meet c!Tommy to torment him again.

“cc!Dream benevolently went along with cc!Tommy’s idea of rp’ing abuse.”

The fact that cc!Dream and cc!Tommy were clearly enjoying the process of streaming exile is completely irrelevant to the lore, because it doesn’t impact c!Tommy in any way, and ‘cc!’ and ‘c!’ exist separately For A Reason. It seems that c!Dream apologists simply can’t stand cc!Tommy/c!Tommy, so they use anything they can find to make the exile arc less significant and impactful to c!Dream’s character. But the thing is, c!Tommy (and specifically, the idea of having complete control over him) is his biggest motivation, so no matter how much they may dislike and reject that idea, it’s canon.

#dream smp #dsmp #c!primeboys #c!tommy #tommyinnit #c!dream #tw abuse #discourse #tw obsessive behaviour #tw possessive behaviour

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presiding · 4 months

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a doctor turned serial killer turned doctor again, an actor who paints, a gang leader, a mining baron, and a vice overseer walk into the room.

oh yeah and they lead karnaca now.

dishonored 2 is my fav game but i think it's mid, story-wise. here's why dh1 works and why dh2's overarching story sorta misses

tl;dr: story integration is critical for gameplay that offers audience payoff, but emily's personal arc from dishonor to honor is inconsistently demonstrated in the story, and is not an interactive part of the gameplay.

essay/long version under cut >

recap: what's dishonored's deal

[skip if you want] dh1 is an underdog story: corvo is an honorable man swept up in the machinations of a callous city, so his canonical ending being 'this child will rule over an empire' isn't about the child's rule but rather about corvo's reputation being restored in a more hopeful city, due to his & the player's rejection of the violent connotations of the tagline 'revenge solves everything.'

similarly, in dh1 DLCs, daud's story arc is that of an anti-hero: a dishonorable man who realises too late he has done irreparable harm. he sees the error of his ways after a single monumental death, and eventually a single life redeems him when he/the player stepped in to circumvent a terrible fate for a child, enabling her to rule unfettered.

daud & corvo come to a satisfying conclusion within the extent of their narrative arcs. it doesn't matter that a child on a throne isn't really a fix for a decaying empire - the player's actions throughout the city of dunwall was what mattered - and these stories could be framed as parables. in that sense, young emily as a ruler is a metaphor for a hopeful future for the city & empire.

dishonored 1 & its DLCs are also great examples of storytelling with perfectly integrated gameplay - you, the player, worked towards the outcome that redeemed the protagonists.

in your efforts to save young emily, you either achieved a good outcome (corvo) or prevented a worse outcome (daud).

bringing us to dh2 -

what's emily's arc

emily's arc is a coming of age: we're introduced to a reigning empress who questions her role & skillset ("am i the empress my mother wanted me to be?"), then her titular fall from grace occurs. from there, she learns to reject the violent, selfish connotations in 'take back whats yours' tagline (a la daud & corvo!) while rediscovering why her rule is critical to the empire.

emily's rule is no longer metaphorical, but:

a literal thing for audience assessment (is emily a good ruler?) AND

the crux of her storyline.

at the beginning of dh2, emily is introduced as a disengaged leader ("i wish i could just run away from all this;" "i dont know if whether i should sail to the opposite side of the world, or have everyone around me executed"). the antihero has a precedent for the dishonored series in daud, so it's not at first glance an issue*, however, the fact that emily has ruled poorly reframes corvo & daud's endings as being less than ideal (a moralistic retcon) *we could talk here about how ready an audience was in 2016 for a flawed women as a protagonist, hell, even in 2023,,,

throwback to the beginning of this essay when i said:

'this child will rule over an empire' isn't about the child's rule but rather about corvo's reputation

emily's story arc, unlike for daud & corvo, is literally about the quality of her rule. we're no longer in metaphor territory (ironic phrase): a parable-style ending doesn't work.

does emily become a good ruler

we know she becomes a good ruler because the game says so. it is narrated to the audience via a (literal) word of god in the space of 30 seconds, after the final boss. the outsider tells us that emily becomes known as Just & Clever.

drawing a distinction here - this narration is not the same as the player actively being involved.

the player does not throughout the game become aware that emily has made political allies. during the game, she doesn't talk to these characters about saving karnaca or being a better ruler to the empire (there's a few lines might imply it, but you need to be actively looking and being careful to wait for every voice line. it's a far cry from daud & corvo's fight to save emily being unmissable - even though daud doesn't know at the beginning that's the goal).

how does the game show it

you can coincidentally not kill most of your subjects and never be aware that emily is looking to restore karnaca by means of instating a council - it's never brought up. it *couldn't* be brought up, because that council serves under the fake duke (armando), who is the last person she speaks to before she leaves for dunwall. its her suggestion that he rules karnaca, but armando's condition is that he will rule as he sees fit.

to back up a bit, emily's canonical method of restoring karnaca is by banding together key allies - hypatia, stilton, [byrne &or paolo], pastor, under a council beneath the duke's body double. they are passionate people who would each individually make worthwhile advisors, but if you think about those characters sitting at a table trying to reach an agreement, it feels like an assortment of people that emily didn't kill along the way and doesn't feel organic (up to interpretation). it's not stated if emily herself banded this council together, but logically she must have (worth a mention these are mostly characters that you as the player had reasonable rationale to kill during a high chaos run, except pastor). the underlying concept may be that karnaca's power is returned to its people - which is interesting given that the monarchy remains and armando's decision is final.

this overarching solution could also be taken as a critique to dh1's 'put your kid on the throne,' which is another reason its worthwhile looking at how emily was shown to be a better leader. obviously my point isn't that her solution was bad given the circumstance, but i mean she has very little agency here in all. if emily was shown to be more controlling as a leader, this could be interpreted as character growth, but that's not the case.

coming of age

how do you learn & grow when you can't specify your failings? emily doesn't really touch on her shortcomings as an empress. she non-specifically worries delilah makes a better empress than her. it's hard to argue her worries are meaningful when someone good at their job will still worry when lives are in the balance.

emily's best 'aha' moments (eg. crack in the slab comment about gaining perspective) are consistently undercut by a conversation with sokolov or meagan afterwards in which she demonstrates she hasn't learned anything (before the grand palace, emily condemns 'toadies sucking up to me' and is reminded by meagan that she's part of the problem). the story is confused about what it's trying to say about emily's progress, and when she's meant to show progress, if she was meant to show any progress at all. it could be argued that emily was never even a bad ruler, she had just been fed misinformation about the problems in karnaca and been the victim of slander by her political enemies. the game doesn't make this clear - it's easier to argue that the opposite is true given that her allies only have criticism.

worth a mention here that the heart quotes about armando - a fake ruler - interestingly mirror emily's character concerns. "see how he sighs? his life is a gilded cage." but this essay is already long.

while corvo & daud spend their games (and through the gameplay) 'earning' their redemption, emily is being led by the NPCs around her to a conclusion and a fix for the political mess in karnaca: meagan & sokolov guide emily to her missions, and there's no recurring quest for emily to investigate possible allies. she is able to gather the people she hasn't killed to herself by manner of... post-game narration. during the game, she's primarily concerned with getting her throne back.

an easy fix: if there had been less dialogue & narrative focus on emily's failings perhaps the ending would have felt more satisfying. it has the feel of cut content, but i don't know what was cut to be able to comment on it.

so what went wrong?

i can't help but wonder if arkane were worried they would lose a certain demographic if corvo wasn't playable (may have been deemed too much of a risk - 2013 was a different time), and so they had to take out story elements that were unique to emily's growth as a character/empress, because the usual storyline/gameplay integration had to work for both characters - in other words, gameplay that made sense for both corvo & emily was prioritised before emily's story & character development. which is a silly problem to have in a game that added character voices for the sake of improving characterisation - maybe emily's tale would have felt more akin to a parable if she had less lines that betrayed her ignorance (to the disdain of those around her).

i wish more care had been taken with emily's story. most players will never really notice the large variety of different endings - they're not particularly satisfying in and of themselves.

it's ironic that one of Emily's complaints is about her father/protector being overbearing, when his (parallel universe) presence in the gameplay may be one of the reasons her own narrative arc falls flat.

what are the upsides here

changing tune from what didn't work - don't you think the concept is fantastic? it's a great idea overall - can you imagine if the coming of age storyline was better integrated into the game?

it's valuable to talk about the integration of story and gameplay and characterisation from a craft perspective. dh2 genuinely is my favourite game - it's beautiful, the imm-sim design philosophy makes the world a delight to explore, the combat gives endless creative options for tackling any fight, there is a far greater diversity of cast in an in-text canonical way. there's loads to love!

i love emily as a dodgy leader, to me it adds interesting dimensionality to the outsider's narrations - of course in dunwall there's never a neat happily ever after! emily, like the outsider, both work well as characters who hold ultimate power but aren't necessarily worthy of it - and this makes perfect sense for the dishonored universe's morality & critiques of power. however, within this grey area there's still plenty of room for a satisfying ending, which isn't what we ended up with, whatever the true reason for that was. and also, damn, emily's a marked assassin empress, if she can't lead well then who can?

while dh1 was criticised for its narrative simplicity, dh2 in contrast and in hindsight shows us that simplicity isn't so bad - there's satisfaction in gameplay achieves a clear, simple narrative goal.

#are you a dh1 enjoyer but less so a dh2 enjoyer?#have you ever wondered why you don't love dh2 as much?#here's 1.8k words that might articulate some of that.#light reading.i guess #this essay wasn't meant to cover everything - just the core of the plot and why its important to integrate story & gameplay #and to compare dh1 & 2 #dishonored #dishonored 2 #dishonored 2 spoilers #emily kaldwin #daud #corvo attano #this week i'm cracking things out of my drafts!#<333 don't get me started on doto.#some of this might be contentious. idk i try to live in a bubble #the meme version was easier to read i know i know #this essay would have been a lot longer had i integrated more references from the game #i know a few others have said this but imagine if they went a different way with emily #like she realises shes not fit for the job and maybe no one is and says fuck the system cause shes got a rebellious streak #and does a kickflip on the monarchy and institutes something else. i dont even care what. make it funny #and then for the sake of continuing the trend we spend dishonored 3 undoing the horrible leadership emily instates <3 #i think they really loved emily as a character. i FEEL the love i believe its there.but didn't think enough bout how she would be perceived #there's a good couple comments from baldur's gate 3 devs about how much work goes into writing women to account for sexism #there's more that i could have added to this essay but for brevity's (ha.ha) sake i'll leave it there #other textposts about this game that i see around tend to romanticise dishonoreds story a little more

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fortuna-et-cataclysmos · 1 year

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Tranmission was an extremely important inflexion point in the ml saga and I cannot stress this enough.

The title may read Kwamis' Choice, but if I am not mistaken, Tikki and Plagg still give Marinette and Adrien the choice to keep their Miraculous.

Despite all the pain the miraculouses are causing to them, they still consider hard whether to give up their powers.

Marinette rejects Adrien while looking at her earrings: she rejects him because she puts her responsabilities as Ladybug before her love.

And when the moment of choice arrives and Marinette and Adrien are considering whether to give up their miraculouses, both Tikki and Plagg remind them that without the miraculouses, they can finally be with their loved one.

Following this reminder, the choice comes easy: both Marinette and Adrien give up on their miraculouses. And first thing they do after it? Pick up their broken love - literally. Adrien picks up the homework folder which was on the ground and runs to bring it to Marinette, Marinette picks the pictures of Adrien out of the trash can.

By choosing to give up their miraculouses, Marinette and Adrien do something that rarely heroes in media do: they give up their duties and responsabilities for love.

Usually, the canonical hero puts duty over love (She Ra and the Princesses of Power has a very good criticism of this trope). Of course, the hero will choose to save the city/world/universe, even if it means to lose their love along the process (although, the narrative rarely make this choice too explicit, likely with the fear of losing the audience's sympathy).

But here? Here we see that Marinette and Adrien love each other so much that they are ready to give up on their duty of protecting the city to be with their loved one. And they give this decision simultaneously.

The end scene where they watch over the city just saved by the new heroines, while Marinette hugs Adrien's arm, gives me retired heroes vibes. The scene has a kind of peacefulness to it that usually comes only at the end of conflict.

Unfortunately, we know that this isn't the end of Marinette and Adrien's struggles against the Monarch.

Nonetheless, I interpret it as a sign that if they will beat the Monarch, they won't do it simply out of sense of duty, but out of love. Which really fits, given how the superhero conflict is tangled with Adrien's life and family.

(I haven't watched anything beyond Transmission so please don't spoil me in the comments or tags! Thank you! :3)

#miraculous ladybug #ml season 5 #ml spoilers #ml transmission #adrienette #adrinette #from fortuna #ml analysis #ladynoir #ml kwamis choice

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zvtara-was-never-canon · 13 days

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So, sokkastyles makes this post about people who criticize Zuko for “I’ll save you from the pirates” act like he didn’t changed and if his redemption arc was non-existent or something. Which is somewhat valid, some people act like Zuko didn’t change and he did grow as person for the most part.

I pointed out “Most people don't pretend Zuko never changed. 'Cause he did. It's just annoying when people romanticize Zuko tying Katara to a tree and stuff when it isn't romantic. It's like romanizing Aang kissing Katara in EIP, it isn't romantic, he kissed her without consent”.

Then sokkastyles said this:

no, it is not like that. A cartoon villain tying the hero to a tree is not like kissing someone without their consent. People romanticizing it is fine, actually. What's not fine is for you to compare what in canon is a nonsexual act to Aang violating Katara's consent, and then tell zutara shippers they are

"annoying" for doing something you don't like that's totally harmless. Go away. You are annoying.

Then after some brief discourse they blocked me and posted this https://www.tumblr.com/sokkastyles/747582627682336768/tying-someone-to-a-tree-is-just-as-bad-as-kissing?source=share

Maybe, just maybe I’m overreacting, but grabbing someone by the hand and tying them up is pretty serious offense that could happen, and is just as bad if not worse than kissing someone briefly without consent. But that’s just me, what do you think?

It really is comparing apples to oranges - but not in the way that idiot assumes.

The Ember Island kiss was "non-consensual" in the sense of "Aang didn't verbally ask to kiss her first" (which is common and normal to some degree no matter how much zutarians lie that "Well, EVERYONE asks first", especially considering they had consensually kissed twice before) but not in the sense of "Katara very explicitly rejected his advances and Aang FORCED himself on her."

She asked for time to think, he jumped the gun, she got mad, he realized it was a bad move and felt awful.

Meanwhile, the zutara tree scene is literally Zuko holding Katara hostage, taunting and threatening her. It's not sexual, but it is hostile - and zutara as a ship only exists because of people MAKING that scene sexual and writting fics of Zuko full on raping Katara. THAT is the base of the zutara ship, no matter how much they deny it. The pirate scene, in zutara fanon, has always been "What if Zuko raped Katara and that made her like him?" That has been the consistent fanon zutara spin on that scene.

Now, zutara fans would tell you "But it's fine to do something like that as long as you know it'd be abhorrent in real life. Fictional characters are not people that are truly able to consent to literally anything, good or bad, that happens to them in a story" - and let me be clear here, they're right. Katara and Zuko are not real. The victim, the criminal and the crime itself aren't real. Claiming "liking zutara is supporting rape" because of those fics would be like saying liking Avatar is the same as supporting the use of child soldiers in a war, or that the writers commited real child abuse against a fictional 13-year-old when they created Zuko's backstory.

But, of course, they can't just end it at the reasonable part. Them enjoying non-con subtext/fanon for their ship is fine because it's not real - but one poorly timed kiss means Aang is the devil and that anyone that likes Kataang is a raging misogynist and RAPE apologist, even though zutarians are the ones constantly going for rape for THEIR ship.

You see why no one takes these people seriously?

#anti zutara #pro kataang #pro aang

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cinderella-ish · 1 month

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My evolving thoughts on who Yuki should've ended up with, and fanfic's role in changing my mind

So, I want to talk about Yuki Sohma.

Yuki is the member of the main trio in Fruits Basket with whom I most identify. I have little in common with both Tohru and Kyo, and it took me several watches and read-throughs to start to understand their characters/arcs. (I love them, don't get me wrong! I just didn't fully appreciate the depth of their characters/arcs until maybe my third time through the series.)

Yuki, on the other hand, not only had many external qualities in common with me, but the way he grew mirrored some of the ways I changed in early adulthood. His arc felt true to my life, and so he was my favorite character from my first exposure to Fruits Basket.

When I started reading fanfic, I initially limited myself to canon compliant or limited canon-divergence fics, but eventually, I dipped my toes into some alternate pairings. Interestingly, while I truly can't see Tohru with anyone but Kyo, and I can only see Kyo with someone other than Tohru in very specific circumstances, Yuki seems to work with almost everyone he gets paired with. I mean, Yuki and Machi are my OTP, yet I have probably read (and bookmarked) every Yuki/Kakeru fic on Ao3, and some of the most beautiful fanfic I've ever read is Yuki/Kyo.

This confused me at first. Deeply. If Yuchi is my OTP, why do I devour every Yukeru and Yukyo fic?

Well, I think that's because Yuki's arc is, among other things, one where he rejects compulsory romance. This is made explicit in the Cinderella-ish story (why yes this is my favorite part of Fruits Basket, why do you ask?), where he quite literally rejects the role of the prince - the role that's been put onto him by others through the series. I think his arc would have been complete without him ending up with Machi, but there are things about their relationship that make his ending so much more satisfying. In stories where he ends up with Kakeru or Kyo, Machi almost always appears as an important friend for him. I think, for him, having strong bonds outside the Sohmas that he forged on his own was the point, rather than ending up in a relationship.

Anyway, with that out of the way, here are my thoughts on the five most common Yuki pairings on Ao3!

Yuki/Machi

Yes. I love them. 1000/10.

Okay, so the one criticism I have of Yuki/Machi is that Yuki is strongly gay-coded throughout the series, and it would've been awesome to see that play out in the way it was set up. I think that's a huge part of why I connected with Yuki - his arc definitely reminded me of my own experience coming to terms with my own queerness. For more on this, see this exceptional post by @yunsoh

But there are so many moments between them that make me swoon. The chalk scene, first and foremost. I used that scene to talk to my partner about how to support me when my OCD or ADHD is bad. Then there's scene where Yuki figures out why Machi destroys things, then asks to make footprints in the snow together (and tells her he's proud of her! and sees how hard she's worked!). The way he bought her Mogeta memorabilia or figured out she likes red or understood her intent when she chased him around the school to give him a flower and just ended up getting angry at him. The way he understood she bought Tohru a bath set because it's what she would want, just because Kakeru made a similar remark. The way he lit up when he saw Machi's trashed apartment - "the sea of despair."

And the way Machi understood and empathized with Yuki. The way he lit up and started laughing when she called him an airhead. The way she said it took someone like him to notice someone like her. The way she opened up to him and always sought him out. The way Kakeru shipped them. The way he knew she would miss him if he were to disappear, and the way being a support to her was something he needed for himself. The way she accepted him as he actually was, and not the way he thought he was supposed to be. The way she broke the door down with a chair when Yuki was trapped in the storage room. The way he teased her!

They've both been put in seemingly desirable positions within their families, yet those positions are responsible for so much of their pain and trauma. They get each other at a deep level. There's a mutuality to their relationship that Yuki desperately needed. I love them so much!

PS: if you also love Yuki/Machi, come find me on Ao3! I'll be posting some Yuchi content later this week!

Yuki/Kakeru

They have a fantastic and fun dynamic, and they are always touching each other. Kakeru is Yuki's confidant and someone who makes Yuki feel safe in being himself, flaws and all. They help each other grow - Yuki helps Kakeru be more empathetic, and Kakeru helps Yuki become more comfortable with himself. I think this pairing would have also been a satisfying end for Yuki, full stop. I love them, and I will read all your Yukeru fics, please and thank you. (Also, lots of Yukeru writers are just really good writers, so there are some gorgeous works for them.)

Yuki/Kyo

So, I didn't get why this ship was so popular at first, but then I was reminded that Yuki's first thought when he met Kyo was "pretty!" They both secretly admired each other, they're written as foils for each other, and there's a reason enemies to lovers is so popular (and it's called sexual tension).

There's a Yuki/Kyo fic that I'd credit with showing me what fanfic can really do - especially in the ways it expanded the universe, found its own way of handling the curse, and developed the relationship between the two boys in a way that also grew their characters. That fic is The Pursuit of Repeating History by @mistergrass

I do think that Yuki ending up with someone outside the Sohmas is more satisfying for his character arc than someone from the Sohma clan, but his relationship with Kyo is such a key part of his arc that this could be satisfying in its own right.

Yuki/Haru

I absolutely love the relationship these two have in canon. I love how Haru looks out for Yuki, and I love how he drives Yuki a bit crazy. I love how Haru tells Yuki the things he needs to hear, like that it's okay for him to focus on himself for a while, and I love how Yuki braves the Sohma estate to check on Haru. I also love the way Haru can read Yuki like a book.

Haru's words to Yuki about finding someone who will appreciate his fragility and kindness are always so touching. Haru is almost a mentor to Yuki, in a way, or a fairy godmother. (Or a long lost sister?) The fact that he was the one who got Yuki out of isolation at the hands of Akito, or that he was the one person who would check on him just speaks to the strength of his loyalty to Yuki.

I take Haru's statement of "Yuki was my first love" seriously, because he tells Yuki he is serious when Yuki warns him people will take him seriously when he says that. I know there's an argument to be made that Haru is just being his weird self, but that gives me and they were roommates vibes.

Unfortunately, most of the Yuki/Haru fics are dubcon with Dark Haru, which is not something I enjoy reading. What I'd really love to read is an AU where they're together in high school or later, or something that explores Haru's early feelings for Yuki, or just something that explores interesting sides of their characters that are brought out when they're together.

I don't think this would be a terribly satisfying end for Yuki, but I do really love their dynamic.

Yuki/Tohru

Okay, so, full disclosure: I was #teamyuki when I first watched Fruits Basket. Yet now, they're the only pairing on this list that I don't like. Why? Well, as I said above, Yuki's arc is much about rejecting this specific compulsory romance.

Compulsory how? Well, from the beginning, the series seems like it's setting up a love triangle, but kind of tells us (more and more explicitly as the series goes on) that things are not what they seem.

I think the series does a phenomenal job of making the reader/viewer complicit in placing this compulsory romance onto Yuki. A brief aside, making the reader/viewer complicit in the thing a story is criticizing is one of the most effective ways to criticize something, IMO, because it doesn't let the reader/viewer off the hook. We don't get to say, "Look at them, they're so foolish!" We're forced to examine our own expectations and acknowledge that we were made a fool of, too.

I totally got tingles at the spa scene (pictured above), even though upon rewatch, it's obvious how much of an act it is on Yuki's part, and how uncomfortable it makes Tohru. In fact, many of their most "romantic" moments, where the shojo bubbles appear and everything, are when Tohru is acting in an explicitly motherly way to Yuki, and he awkwardly tries to flirt because he's either misinterpreting his feelings or in denial about them.

I also thought his line, "that isn't what I want!" when he tells Kakeru about his true feelings for Tohru is one of the most powerful moments in the series. It's the moment he's finally letting go of being the Princely character and choosing to be himself, for himself, because he deserves to be known and accepted - something he'd never fully believed until that moment.

I think part of why I was initially #teamyuki was because I came to Fruits Basket through the anime first, where much of the development of his relationship with Machi was cut. Also, as I said above, I didn't really get the characters of Kyo and Tohru right away, and I think that prevented me from seeing the power of their romance. The True Form arc was a key moment that I truly didn't understand until several viewings/readings later.

So, all of that is why I don't care for this pairing. I get why people do, but I do feel it undermines Yuki's agency and his character arc. It's a pairing that makes me sad when I see it, as if this character I love has taken a step backward.

(Incidentally, I've been wanting to write a fic where the True Form arc plays out differently and Yuki takes longer to realize the nature of his feelings for Tohru. I truly wonder how he would've come to that understanding without witnessing her running after Kyo. Would he have tried dating her? Would it have been a total disaster?)

Other pairings and larger relationship structures

Out of the other pairings I found, the only one I'm genuinely curious about is Yuki with Saki Hanajima. I'll have to go read those fics. They are each the "cold" half of a "hot/cold" duo (the "hot" halves being Kyo and Arisa, who are basically the same person). I'm very curious what led people to pair them in the handful of fics about them!

(Interestingly, I think it's possible to read Saki and Arisa both as having a bit of sexual tension with Kyo, but not with Yuki.)

The others include Akito, Ayame, Hatori, and Shigure - all pairings that would have a noncon/dubcon element due to Yuki's age, and that's before you get into the specific traumas that these characters have inflicted on Yuki, or the inherent power dynamics between them, or the close familial relationship with Ayame, etc...

The trio relationships are all intriguing and full of possibility. Yuki/Tohru/Kyo? Obviously. Yuki/Kakeru/Kimi? Potential for lots of wackiness. Yuki/Kyo/Haru? Could be the next Mabudachi trio.

(No shade to anyone who enjoys fics with the pairings or tropes I don't like! This blogger believes in "don't like, don't read.")

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case-of-traxits · 4 months

Note

50 Random Character Asks:

Tseng, 1 - 50

You know you had this coming.

50 Random Character Asks: Tseng Edition

I can't even pretend to be surprised here, can I? Well, I got your second ask with your choices as well, so they're in here. 💖

50 questions. Whew. I'll give you guys a sampler on the first one, but the rest are going to be under a cut. This took me SO LONG to do. I've literally been working on it since the 17th! All together, there's 4934 words in this bad boy, excluding the questions.

So uh. Enjoy nearly 5k of meta about Tseng. XD

That said, please keep in mind that all of my answers are specific to how I personally write Tseng. I'm not going to necessarily distinguish every piece of canon from headcanon.

[For this ask game!] || [Still accepting]

1. Canon I outright reject

That Tseng knew Zack was being kept in Nibelheim. For me, it just doesn't work with the rest of Tseng's arc regarding Zack and Aerith and him keeping all of those letters. So. No. Technically, in BC, Tseng is aware that Zack and Cloud are both alive and badly injured, and Hojo orders for him to "prepare the mansion," but never actually says what he's going to be doing there. Tseng sends the Player Turk to clear it out, and then Veld shows up and sends all of the Turks to work on handling the townspeople and everything instead of the mansion. So it's entirely possible that Tseng never knew, according to BC, that Zack and Cloud were placed in those tubes in the basement.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

Tseng is absolutely capable of slapping Aerith. I realize that they took that out of the Remake, but I just feel like it's critical for his character for you to know that he is absolutely capable of that level of violence, even against someone he cares about.

3. Obscure headcanon

Tseng is the third (and youngest) son of Kisaragi Godo's older brother, who was emperor during the Wutaian War. He was brought up in one of the Leviathan Temples to keep him as an effective (and safe) spare to the throne before he defected to Shinra. His forehead marking is a holdover from his time in the Temple, and he'll never admit to a single soul that sometimes, he feels the guiding hand of destiny (or fate or whatever you want to call it) in his life.

4. Favorite line

"It must have been a real thrill for you… Did you enjoy it?" I think this is everyone's favorite canon line. With the possible exception of the "Mr. President," line from the Remake. That one's pretty damn good, but it requires actual explanation, doesn't it? XD I will say, he also has the canon line of, "I put everyone else at risk because I feared feeling guilty," in BC. Which is... telling.

5. Best personality trait

Tseng's loyalty is easily his best personality trait, in my opinion. We see a lot of it in BC, with his dedication to trying to help and save both Veld and the department, as well as in CC, with his devotion to getting those letters to Zack.

6. Worst personality trait

Tseng's devotion to doing things "correctly" is definitely his worst personality trait. I am firmly of the opinion that this is the thing that's held him back on just killing the President and installing Rufus early. I mean, I have no doubt that there is technically more to it, including the fact that we have no idea what kind of succession clause might have been put in place for Rufus to inherit.

7. Age/height/weight headcanon

Age // Born in 1975, so he is 8 years older than Rufus and Reno, 2 years older than Sephiroth, and 3 years younger than Reeve. Height // I usually go with 5'8", but I'm a little flexible on this. I'll go up to 5'10". He cannot, however, be taller than Rufus for me. Weight // Eh, I don't really do weight HCs.

8. Unpopular opinion about them

Hm... Do I have an unpopular opinion about Tseng..? I don't know that I interact with enough Tseng fans to know. Maybe my insistence on him being fairly easy-going when he isn't at work? I see Tseng as the sort who can go with the flow to some extent, mostly because I don't think he'd work as well with Reno if he wasn't.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character

Oh man, honestly? This might be my unpopular opinion, but his "death" scene in the OG. With Sephiroth. And no, not just because of my ship goggles. But there's just so much implied trust there, at a point where Tseng probably shouldn't trust Sephiroth. He just... He talks to Sephiroth like he's still sane, and Sephiroth cuts him down during it, and then he still drags himself back through the entire Temple of the Ancients to get to the entrance so that he can let AVALANCHE in.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)

See above. I just... I love that scene. It's easily his best scene.

11. Faceclaim for the role

Satoh Takeru.

12. Crack headcanon

So, I don't think I have a straight "crack" headcanon for Tseng. I do have some crack-treated-seriously headcanons, including that he doesn't heal well magically (explaining why he spends so much more time in bandages and recovery than basically everyone else), and that if he's not friends with Reeve or in a romantic relationship with a partner who insists otherwise, he would live entirely on takeout. Tseng does not cook, in my opinion. He's perfectly capable, but why? He's spent years curating an extensive collection of takeout menus he considers acceptable food, and he eats exclusively from restaurants that have passed his very exacting standards. Ooh! And this: Tseng drives a small black sportscar at possibly dangerous speeds in Midgar. It also has no plates, but there's not a cop in Midgar stupid enough to try to ticket it.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done

Possibly trusting Sephiroth when he ran into him at the Temple of the Ancients, but honestly, there was probably no way he was walking out of that anyway, right? So excluding that... Probably, the actual 'dumbest' thing he canonically does is in BC, when he chooses to rescue a single lone reactor guard instead of destroying a ship full of weapons that Shinra can't afford to let get out. That's definitely treated as his dumbest choice by the canon.

14. Most heroic moment

When he literally, while dying, drags himself through the Temple to make sure Aerith gets the keystone.

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done

I mean. He canonically murders people for his paycheck. So probably that? Unless you're more offended by the 'abandoning his country' backstory, of course.

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

He will always wonder if he could have made a difference for Wutai if he'd fought for them instead of going to Midgar. Not that he regrets leaving. He is fairly sure that he was always meant to be at Rufus' side. But there's always that small, lingering thought.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

I actually have an old fanmix that more or less I still use. That said, you can also add "Secret (Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists Theme)," covered by Denmark + Winter.

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about

I am going to read this is what he should see a therapist about because I'm pretty sure if he had to go see one, he would spend the entire session silent, watching the therapist and making them horribly uncomfortable. (Unless it's Angel, but she's one of @ladykf-writes' OCs that I gleefully borrow whenever I can. She's a counselor specifically for Turks, and Tseng knows better than to try to argue with her.) Honestly though. If Tseng were up to date on mental health, I think he'd need to see a therapist about his inability to be settled with anything less than perfection from himself. And, you know, probably talk to them about the killing people thing.

19. Vices/bad habits

Tseng smokes. It wasn't a habit he was in before Midgar, but while he was being 'debriefed,' he discovered that asking for a cigarette meant he got to go outside and see the sky and breathe the (admittedly not great) air. However, due to him not healing super well magically and needing to actually recover naturally, he did eventually notice a cough and slight shortness of breath that he couldn't shake. So he tries not to smoke as much anymore. Still, he does keep a pack of his clove cigarettes on him at all times.

20. Scars

Oh plenty. All the Turks have them, and Tseng has a few more than most given his difficulties in healing.

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)

Alcoholic // Junami sake, served warm. He has a few brands that he likes, most of which need to be imported from Wutai. Non-alcoholic // Caramel Macchiato with extra caramel and extra whip. Not that he'd let anyone catch him ordering it. He has a single barista that he goes to in the coffee shop in the Tower (her name is Peony), and she knows better than to call his order out. Tseng's sweet tooth is something he keeps very much under wraps.

22. Best physical feature

I mean. How do you pick? He's gorgeous. Maybe his hair, but I have a weakness for beautiful hair.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like?

Vetiver. But that's probably just because I HC his cologne as having notes of vetiver in it.

24. Most annoying habit

According to Reeve, it's Tseng's uncanny way of reading you. There's nothing more frustrating to him than Tseng's little, "And is that all?" sort of question because he knows that Tseng means, 'I know there's something else and here's your opportunity to tell me what it is before I go digging.'

25. 3 things they’d want to take with them if they were dropped off in the middle of nowhere

Assuming he is not allowed to bring his phone, and assuming that a backpack full of his usual supplies (he has one in his apartment, one in his car, and one in his office; he finds it unlikely he'd be caught somewhere without it) doesn't count as a single item, and assuming that he's not stripped of his usual clothes/gear when he's dropped off... 1 // A survival radio with a rechargeable battery. 2 // A waterproof map. 3 // A first aid kit. Really, he'd probably be fine even if dropped off with absolutely nothing, but trust me, he would not be happy about it.

26. What they would do if stuck in an elevator with [Lazard]

At first, there would be a long stretch of silence as they both studied the number display and then the elevator panel itself. Lazard would be the first one to move, leaning forward to punch a few of the buttons, but once it was clear that the elevator was not moving, Tseng would sigh and tip his head back and study the ceiling. He's cataloging everything he needs to do, wondering briefly what he can hand off, what he could text some of the others about to ensure it's done in time. Then he looks over at Lazard, who is sighing and pushing his hand through his hair. There's another few moments of silence before Lazard pushes the emergency call button, and after they're both reassured by the voice on the other end that maintenance is aware of the issue and working to restore functionality, Tseng slides down to sit. Lazard looks over at him, then sighs and takes that as an invitation to do the same. "Do you think it's inappropriate to text Reeve?" And Tseng looks up at Lazard, a small, knowing smile on his lips. "That depends," he murmurs. "Do you actually want to get to that meeting?" Lazard chuckles, reaching up to rub the bridge of his nose slightly, and he looks back down at his phone. After a moment, he lays it face down on his leg and tips his head back against the glass wall of the elevator, and he looks out over the city on display behind Tseng. Tseng notices he doesn't start texting. The silence is comfortable. Companionable. Neither of them have any stake in impressing one another, and there's no need to fill the silence with talking only for the sake of talking. Tseng supposes that they're lucky that it isn't winter. Else they would have to sit much, much closer. A glance over at Lazard, who has taken off his glasses briefly to rub one of his eyes, and a little smile touches Tseng's lips. Not, he decides after a minute, that it would be a bad thing, necessarily.

27. Their guilty pleasure

Tseng loves sweets. Basically all kinds, but he does have a particular weakness for good chocolate and good caramel. His secret indulgence that he'll never admit to anyone who knows him is that sometimes, during the winter, he'll order a large hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and get a caramel drizzle on it from the coffee shop in the Tower. But only if his usual barista (Peony) is working. Since she already knows his coffee order is something equally ridiculously sweet, he finds that to be less humiliating than adding someone else in on the loop.

28. How they feel about [Reeve]

Complicated. On the one hand, Tseng and Reeve are always, always good friends when I write. One of Tseng's first long, solo missions with the Turks (and I really should rewrite that fic with my current Tseng's backstory and clean up the prose a little) was to function as Reeve's escort on a reactor tour. That's a minimum of two weeks if they're taking advantage of helicopters periodically, more often three full weeks of travel when Reeve drives the whole thing. And of course, the driving is definitely Reeve's preference. Reactor tours are practically the only vacation he takes. But there's no way you don't spend three weeks on a cross-planet roadtrip and don't end up very close to the person you spent all that time with in the car (unless, of course, it's terrible and you just want to murder them). But at the same time, there are secrets between them that they both know they can't know about one another. Reeve can't know all the gory details about Tseng's life as a Turk, and Tseng can't know about Reeve's... let's call it his uncanny knack with the reactors. Now, do I ship them? Honestly, yes, sometimes. I mean, I usually pair off Tseng with Sephiroth and Reeve with either Lazard (if I want canon to happen for something later) or Genesis (if I'm wanting a fix-it), but I can absolutely ship Tseng with Reeve. Honestly though, that's kind of an unfair question. I can ship Tseng and Reeve with nearly anyone.

29. Eating habits

If it weren't for Reeve's insistence on a weekly meal with him and Reeve's occasional order of groceries simply arriving at Tseng's apartment unannounced (he only really sends dry goods these days; produce and dairy get delivered by Reeve himself when Tseng invites him over), Tseng would live exclusively on takeout. Expensive takeout. But takeout nonetheless.

30. Sleeping habits

Tseng slept in a Midgardian style bed for about a week while he was in debriefing after he defected, but eventually, he took all of his blankets and everything and just started sleeping on the floor instead. Now, in his apartment in Upper Eight in the middle of Little Wutai, he's found someone who can make him a gloriously oversized futon, and his one "concession" to the Midgardian way of doing things is that he no longer puts his futon up every morning. He has four futons to rotate between, with a veritable army of sheets and blankets for them that he's gotten as what he suspects is something akin to 'tribute' from some of the Little Wutai locals. He's done his best to make it clear that he's to be treated as anyone else in the community, but he's hardly going to refuse these things. Tseng sleeps lightly, waking up at basically any sort of unexpected sound, but he has the enviable ability to drift right back off.

31. If the had a tumblr what would it look like?

Honestly? It would be all precisely curated images/gifs of nature. Probably of waterfalls and rivers and creeks. But it would be immaculate. Perfectly tagged and maintained.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh

I don't know that it is guaranteed, but Reno's antics often get a smile or a chuckle out of Tseng; particularly so when someone is underestimating Reno in some way. He has a tendency to find amusement in watching someone walk right into something they should have seen coming. That said, both Reeve and Rufus are also able to routinely get a smile out of him; Reeve because he's just so warm that Tseng can't help but to smile back and Rufus because, well, to be perfectly frank, he's a sassy little shit sometimes and Tseng loves that about him. (For the record, Aerith also often fits in that "sassy little shit" box, but Tseng does his best not to let her see him smile, or else she'll take it as encouragement.) If we're talking about something other than people though, the sort of thing that will routinely get a smile out of Tseng is people watching. He likes sitting on a bench in the Tower or in Midgar in general and just... watching people go by. It helps him feel grounded in the world.

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry

I don't know that anything specific is guaranteed to make him cry. He's very much a 'buckle down and take care of things,' sort of guy instead of the emotional reaction sort of guy. That said, he doesn't handle it well after Nibelheim. Even if he's not in a relationship with Sephiroth, the whole mess of 'handling' the survivors and realizing just how far the President will go to keep himself in power and the uncertainty of what's going on with Veld and with AVALANCHE and just... It's isn't pretty.

34. How they react when they are feeling [excited]

Tseng has, as a general rule, muted outward emotional tells for anything he's feeling. It was trained into him when he was at the Temple, both as a potential heir to the throne as well as because he was being trained to be a priest. That said, when he's genuinely excited about something and not just 'looking forward' to it, someone who knows him can tell. He's distracted from other things. And sometimes, if you're talking to him and he's excited about something, he might ask you to repeat yourself. Not like, "Oh, I didn't hear you, what?" But you'll get a lot more of those little noncommittal "Mm?" sounds out of him. Unless you're talking about the thing he's excited about. In that case, you'll have his complete attention, and his usually small, amused smiles (the smug ones; you know the ones) are a bit bigger, more genuine and, dare I say it, softer.

35. Their idea of a perfect day

Tseng's idea of a perfect day... well, to some extent, that varies based on where we are in the timeline and if he's in a romantic relationship, but in general, his idea of the perfect day is as follows: Nothing disastrous happens. Barring that, he'll settle for: Anything disastrous that did happen was handled. Appropriately. In all seriousness, Tseng is very much the sort who focuses on living each day as though he won't have another, and he doesn't let himself indulge much in idle fantasies. He's much more interested in perfect moments. A good morning run with someone he likes. An effective training session with one of the other Turks. Watching someone grasp something that he's been teaching them. An evening walk with someone he loves. Sharing a ridiculously rich chocolate cake with them afterwards. That sort of thing.

36. Their favorite season

Tseng's favorite season in Midgar is fall, when there's a near constant wind coming off the mountains. It can be difficult to track the seasons in Midgar, since there's not much by way of greenery, but fall means a cool wind that helps disperse some of the excess heat that comes off the Plate under his feet. Back in Wutai, his favorite season was summer. He liked watching the fireflies in the dusk at the Temple, and no small part of him misses that.

37. What they really think about themselves

Deep down, no matter what else, Tseng knows that he is an oathbreaker. He can justify it to himself or dress it up all he wants, but he knows that his father, that his brothers, that his country counted on him, and he walked away. He abandoned everything he'd ever known and walked into the camp of the enemy and swore to help them instead. It's part of why his loyalty is so fiercely held now, and part of why he's so careful to be as pristine and perfect at what he does as is possible. He knows what his family— had they survived the war— would have said. Once an oathbreaker, always an oathbreaker, and now, he's tied to the oaths he has made in a way that he wouldn't be if he hadn't defected, because he's terrified that they would be right. That puts him in the position of conflicting loyalties, and why he is so careful not to make promises once he's in Midgar. His first loyalty is to Rufus now, his second to the rest of the Turks, and if there's anything that keeps him awake at night, it's how he's supposed to juggle the additional loyalties that he's found himself collecting (Aerith, Reeve, Zack, Sephiroth, Veld, Reno, etc.).

38. Favorite holiday

Valentine's Day. Or, to be more exact, the day after. When Tseng can get a box of very nice chocolates for extremely cheap. XD No, in all seriousness, Tseng quite likes the Midgar celebration of the dead, All Hallow's Eve, with the fixation on costumes and frightening people. He finds it fascinating for a culture that spends so much of its time not talking about the dead.

39. Favorite game

Tseng likes card games. He's good at them for the most part, and in fact, when he first defected and arrived in the SOLDIER camp, he realized very quickly that his traditional Wutaian garb was only going to keep him Othered. So he learned to play poker from watching several hands, and he won himself gil and spare clothing alike off those SOLDIERs who heard his— at the time— thick accent and thought he'd be an easy mark. He still has a soft spot for poker.

40. Favorite book

Have two of Tseng's favorites. Both titles have been translated from the original Wutaian for your convenience, but Tseng only has the Wutaian copies in his home. "When the Sun Rises in the West," by Yurieva Aiko. This is a collection of poetry made from the letters recovered from the belongings of Wutaian soldiers after the war. "The Sleeve Cost Me Nothing Compared to You," by Sato Ivan. This is a collection of short stories and poetry about love and the fleeting nature of romance.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be?

Before he defects // Tseng would like to have lunch with one of the previous emperors at this point, just to try to get some perspective on what's happening with his country. Particularly, he desperately wishes he had someone to ask for advice from. He's torn on what he sees going on, and he wonders what's wrong with him that he seems to be the only one who sees that there's no possible way for them to win this engagement with Shinra. After he defects // During his time in Shinra, given the option to have lunch with literally anyone, Tseng would like one more lunch with someone he loves. He's very much of the opinion that the best thing to do is to savor every moment you get with someone, no matter how mundane or fleeting. Post-canon // He would like one more lunch with Aerith and Zack. Just to see them again, and to convince himself to let their ghosts go.

42. 3 comfort items

1 // Tseng has kept, over the years, exactly one kimono from his time in Wutai, and while he never wears it anymore, sometimes, when he's feeling nostalgic, he'll go and run his hands over the silk. 2 // After he completed his training to be accepted into the Turks, before he left the Academy in Junon to go back to Midgar full time, the Acting Director of Operations in The Junon Branch of the Administrative Research, Anya (also one of @ladykf-writes' OCs), gave him an inlaid bone and black alloy knife with a blade cleaning kit. This is the knife that Tseng wears strapped to his left thigh (the left pocket is cut open in every pair of his pants so that he can reach it). 3 // When Rufus was fifteen, he gifted Tseng a solid black watch with no markers on it besides a pair of mythril white hands and a single mythril accent on the face that marked the twelve. Rufus never intended for Tseng to keep it as a staple, but while Rufus has gifted him other watches since then, this is the one that Tseng wears as his every day watch.

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise

Favorite Food 1 // Sushi from a tiny hole-in-the-wall place in Little Wutai. And when he says hole-in-the-wall, he means this woman literally just sells bentos out of her kitchen. Favorite Food 2 // Fiola's in Upper Six is one of his favorites. They have excellent Mideelan pasta and even better bread. The bread is, in fact, good enough that while Tseng usually doesn't eat bread with his meals, he'll make an exception for Fiola's. Favorite Food 3 // There is a tiny bakery in Upper Three that sells the absolute best chocolate cake that Tseng has ever had. Despised Food 1 // The "sushi" for sale in the Midgar cafeteria. One of them had mayonnaise in it. Despised Food 2 // Pork rinds, a surprisingly popular snack in Midgar. Tseng suspects it's a holdover from when the area was much more farming-oriented. As it stands, every sector, Above and Below, has their own 'special' flavoring for them, and Tseng has yet to find anything redeeming about them. Despised Food 3 // Tseng doesn't despise bread exactly, but he fails to find it enjoyable to eat most of the time. He'd prefer his carbs come in sugar, pasta, or rice, given the choice.

44. Their happiest memory

Tseng has a couple. The first one is of one of the last times he saw his mother. He was about eleven, and he was brought to her rooms so that she could see him. They spent the evening reading poetry and him showing off his sword forms and her telling him how proud of him she was. He helped her brush out her hair and braid it for bed, and then she returned the favor and kissed his forehead and sent him on back to his own rooms. He has a small jade comb that he found in a secondhand shop in Little Wutai that makes him think of her. His second happiest memory is nearly always with Reeve, of their drive around the planet on that first reactor tour. It was the first time Tseng traveled that he could just enjoy the process, and he has fond memories of the times they rolled the windows down and Tseng could let his hand hang out of the car and just... feel the breeze. Reeve had been content to talk about nothing or put on an audiobook— and those had been something delightful to learn about, something that Tseng had immediately invested in because that was a great way to listen to the language— and let them just ride.

45. Their favorite celebrity

Tseng is embarrassed to admit it, but when he first arrived in Midgar and Junon, his Standard was not nearly as good as he'd thought it was. The tutors he'd had in Wutai hadn't been native speakers, after all, and while he'd learned very well from them, there was no way he'd be mistaken for a natural speaker. So he'd immediately immersed himself, watching the news and reading everything he could get his hands on, and eventually, he'd discovered what were called 'soaps.' He never really followed a lot of the plot lines— he felt sometimes like they had put several novels in a blender and poured the resulting concoction on the screen— but he did eventually decide there was one actress, Gabrielle Cooper, that he enjoyed watching. She had one of the most neutral accents he'd ever heard, and he followed her from show to show faithfully. Even long after he'd stopped watching soaps to help with his Standard, long after he'd more or less shed his own accent completely, he would catch himself picking up a magazine or a tabloid if she was featured on the cover.

46. The person they most admire

For a long, long time, it was Veld. And then everything with Felicia happened. And it isn't that he no longer admires Veld, but he certainly seems more human now. What Tseng admires most about Veld now isn't the seemingly perfect Turk persona that he presents, but his dedication to what he thinks is right. Post-canon, the person he probably actually admires most is Rufus. Rufus Shinra, who was brought up to rule the world and has been barred from the throne. Rufus Shinra, who should have had everything and instead has had to cobble something together from the ruins left behind. In that vein, Reeve is an extremely close second. Reeve was never intended to be the one in charge, and Tseng knows that Reeve would like nothing more than to hand it all off to someone else and go back to designing houses and buildings and parks. But there's literally no one else to hand it off to. So he trudges on, running the now-largest military force in the world, making decisions that shape the entire world with almost no oversight.

47. Their dream job

If Tseng wasn't a Turk and hadn't been brought up in the Temple and was just an average Midgar citizen? He'd be a restaurant critic. He'd write the most detailed and possibly scathing reviews possible, and restaurants would fear him.

48. Scariest moment of their life

A few months before he defected, during a ritual for Leviathan at the Temple, Tseng nearly drowned. This was one of his big catalyst moments for abandoning Wutai, as he realized in that moment that no matter what anyone told him about how important he was, they all saw him as expendable. After Advent Children, the scariest moment in Tseng's life was watching Rufus jump from that building.

49. Favorite toy as a child

Tseng was given a wooden training sword very young that he absolutely used to menace every Temple Guardian he ran across until he was big enough for proper training, and he cherished it right up until he left the temple. He didn't take it with him, but he made sure to polish it and leave it in a respectful place when he left. He is sure that it was broken and/or burned upon discovery that he had chosen to side with Shinra.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out

I don't know that Tseng has very many memories that he's blocked out. Tseng is very unflinching when it comes to facing who he is and what he's done and what's been done to him. He believes in facing things head-on and in dealing with the consequences that brings.

Congratulations on making it all the way down here, omg. IT WAS SO LONG!!

All of the love. 💖

#ff7 #final fantasy vii #tseng of the turks #meta #I cannot believe I wrote damn near 5k on this thing #BUT HERE YOU GO.

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roxannepolice · 8 months

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So I was thinking of the answer for one of the ask games (which is coming!) but soon realised my reflections are both too long and slightly too salty to include in a fun ask, so here we are.

Because yeah what is below is hands down my favourite Delgado!Master quote, and one of my favourites from any regenerations. Hell, it may be one of my favourites in the entire show.

Gifs by cleowho and I'm sorry I ended up including them this way but I gave up trying to find the exact moment via gif searcher when my phone started smelling of burnt plastic.

So why do I love this so much and why should this result in saltiness? Because this is a very clear statement: there's actual philosophical outlook on the universe behind the Master's villainy. A deeply nietzschean one, but ironically enough underlying much of contemporary critical theories, usually of the progressive vibe. The Master apparently sees power relations as the inherent, fundamental aspect of all sentient relations, and acts accordingly, doing onto others before they do onto them (And that [a self-defence in advance] is how the Master started). And I don't even see it as a neurotic reaction to direct abuse! No, this is something much more intellectual, frozen and abstract. The salt lies therein that there is nothing "just..." to the outlook the Master presents here. Those aren't daddy issues, or the drums (which I love and think can be reconciled with classic Who canon with a bit of timey wimey cause and effect grandfather paradox shenanigans, but fundamentally don't see as the source of Master's villainy, unless they are a metaphor of permanent unsatisfaction and indeed neurotic need for more which is on the one hand awfully difficult for one and everyone around them but on the other perhaps underlie everything you are and you don't know what you'd be without it but you actually like at least a bit of what you are and this is very narcissistic and yes I have OCD), or getaway of insanity, there is no cheap psychologizing, no never heard the music, no Doctor complex that just needs to be talked through, only actual outlook presumably built on decades if not centuries of experience. That is not to say those psychological elements aren't essential to the Master's choices, just that there is no simple obstacle to overcome, no freudian complex to solve for them to see the light. This is something much more conscious.

And I can't express how fitting it is that this nietzscheanism should be the "dark twin" of the Doctor's philosophy of fixing everything they can - in its extreme taking on the form of prometheanism. Frankly, probably the reason Thoschei gives me such a brainrot is the idea of two people with very similar backgrounds (compare and contrast with Professor X and Magneto's backgrounds) arriving at universal outlooks that are at the same time so morally opposing yet in a way fundamentally similar. Because is not overcoming all possible pains of the universe an expression of will?

And the best part? The Doctor does not refute the Master's philosophy! He rejects it morally, but does not point to any single fallacy, does not overthrow it intellectually! And then...

... And then there's the reason I see Tensimm as Goethe's Faust to Threegado Marlowe's (that is not in terms of one being superior or sth only one being a logical development and discussion with the other). At a first glance, Ten is simply repeating what Three said all those episodes ago. But there's more, and there's no way I'm risking my phone again, so a quote will have to suffice.

To have the privilege of seeing the whole of time and space. That's ownership enough.

Ownership. As in having discretion to dispose of something as pleased? As in a very simple power relation?

Like. Wow. This here is indeed a Prometheus whose desire to make people better and literal knowledge of all possible pasts and futures pushed him to call some people more important than others and superimpose his will and knowledge of good and evil disregarding anyone else's choices. This here is indeed the Time Lord Victorious. And yes, knowing when to stop was much easier when there was an external shadow to judge.

The thing is, the Doctor here concedes to the Master's outlook on the universe. Indeed, power relations are unavoidable in sentient life. This is a moment of deep understanding between them because the Doctor now knows what it feels like to wield all that knowledge and perceive no powers saying no. Except, regardless of what poststructuralism might say, there is a fundamental moral difference between power imbalance of seeing vs being seen and y'know, forcing people to build you statues and conquering all other civivlizations and humiliating them in the process. As such, the difference becomes much harder to delineate, forcing one to always reflect instead of following a set of simple guidelines.

The question is, would it still be remembered if the walking counterpoint ceased to exist not physically but intellectually and morally?

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smytherines · 2 months

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Extremely specific neurodivergent curtwen headcanons that crack me like an egg:

ADHD Agent Mega is practically fan canon at this point, but I feel like we focus on him being bored & fidgeting more than other ADHD issues. Like I imagine so much of his macho guy bluster is 1. from being gay in a homophobic society, but also 2. From Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I dunno, something about the way he gets so flustered and defensive when people criticize him (which happens constantly)?

I've been thinking about maybe Curt being dyslexic? Like maybe he doesn't read briefings because they're already difficult to focus on, but also they're literally difficult to read? He mixes up information no matter how hard he tries. He's learned to stop trying and pretend he's just too cool for that nerd shit, but whenever someone gives him a hard time for screwing up he takes it really really personally? He has big emotional outbursts, which is especially tough as a closeted gay man in the 1950s-1960s

I have a lot of headcanon about autistic Owen Carvour, but it's kinda weird because he's canonically the villain of SAF, and that tends to stray uncomfortably into "he was always a monster" OR "the fall made him into a monster." So with autistic Owen headcanon it veers too close to saying that being autistic made him a monster (yikes, no) or that becoming disabled (no way in hell he doesn't have chronic pain issues after all that) made him a monster (also yikes, no).

So for me, the way that I frame it is like... okay so Owen is literally masking in the show, but I think about what that says about him that one of the major details we know about him is that he is very good at pretending to be other people. I'm a heavily masked autist myself, so this really resonates with me. With autistic men there are some very specific stereotypes like math, bad at social interaction, etc. But I think Owen would have a profile more stereotypically attributed to women: being hyper aware of everything around him, using "movie talk" or just remembering interactions with others and having a script. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but it's like you enter a situation and you can more or less suss out what people are expecting from you in that situation, so you just flip through your mental rolodex of phrases and deliveries and ways to stand and hold your face that align with their expectations of you. You become adept at blending in.

I would fully believe that Owen reads every briefing multiple times and has charts and diagrams, and maybe before the fall part of why he does that is that he knows Curt is a talented agent but just struggles with that part of the job, and Owen feels protective of him. Like he gets that Curt is impulsive and feels the need to be a counterweight to that. It feels like Curt blocks out information and takes in stimuli, and Owen blocks out stimuli but takes in as much info as humanly possible.

Then there's all the villain shit obviously. This is extreme headcanon territory, but one part of being autistic is what they call the "autistic sense of justice." That absolutely does not mean that autistic people have some preternatural ability to be eternally on the right side of history, we all have our individual identities and experiences coloring what we consider "justice," but just on a personal level being autistic and becoming disabled radicalized me. It led to me becoming anti-capitalist & anti-imperialist. It drastically changed my perception of right and wrong because I had to interrogate my own understanding of power, the way the concept of "crime" is created (like you get jail time for shoplifting, but your boss doesn't get punished at all for stealing money out of your paycheck).

I've already done ridiculous long posts about the political stuff, but I do think that an autistic person, especially one who has gone through a massive trauma, might come through it with a new understanding that the US/UK governments are actually pretty awful, that ignorant brutes shouldn't be in charge of politics and information.

I dunno I probably have more but I've already dumped too much here

#spies are forever #owen carvour #agent curt mega #curtwen #ND curtwen #autistic owen #adhd agent mega

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aliceliveson · 11 days

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wrt that tweet that said that one of the soldiers in the War Bonds ad was Nate, which the writer then went back on (and then some): the big revelation was that it was Nate in the video, not that Nate was a war criminal.

Nate being a war criminal is one of the first things we learn about him. It's one of the only definitive facts the game gives about him at all.

And when the tweet rescinding that revelation claimed that he wasn't a war criminal at all, that was something that going back on felt wildly wrong and the part I took issue with; he wasn't just taking back that Nate was in the war bonds ad, no, but he was taking back all at once the entirety of and very little that we know for certain about this otherwise blank-slate character.

I saw a lot of distress over him being "declared" a war criminal by fans who were upset that that decision was "made for them." But that's literally all we know about Nate, and we know that about Nate before the game even begins. We learn it as the intro cinematic plays. He was in the 108th Infantry Regiment, he was a highly decorated soldier, and he was (apparently) feeling bad and had taken an anti-war stance in his speeches since, which he was supposed to give at Concord's veteran's hall and potentially again at the Fraternal Post. What you choose to do with that information is up to you, but the character is otherwise wide open to interpretation.

I think some of the distress came from not having a fully, completely blank slate for a protagonist? And if that's something you value, then Nora is marginally the better protagonist, in that her being a lawyer virtually never comes up. (Or, just, any Elder Scrolls protag, I guess, who are all given no greater backstory than "in prison.")

But regardless, remember that all Fallout protagonists have at least some amount of backstory. Vault Dweller from 13, Chosen One, Lone Wanderer, even the Courier and Dwellers from 76 have at least some amount of canon backstory, even if it's just a single sentence. Courier worked for Mojave Express and was hired by House to deliver a package; Nate was a soldier in the 108th and retired to have a family; etc.

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is, please don't recoil from a character being given a negative backstory. Conflict, redemption, guilt, all those things can be meaningful to explore in a character, and shouldn't be rejected on the basis that it's an intended, included part of the game's narrative.

(Frankly, I miss when everyone was mad that you had to be married to a spouse of the opposite gender. That was something to be critical about. Not "this character came pre-loaded with a haunting and deeply fucked-up backstory." But that's just me.)

#fallout #fallout 4 #sole survivor nate #nate fallout #lord help me i'm voicing an opinion on the internet

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kenonade · 23 days

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for the ask game—3, 5, 18, and 25 for peter wiggin?

THE GUY!!!!!!!!!

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

It’s hard to say because, and I say this with shame—I haven’t read the books in a long, long time. Off the top of my head though, I didn’t like that part in Ender’s Stocking where he became weirdly misogynistic. That was weird. I’m not and have never been a genius teen boy with a younger sister who got rejected by a girl at high school so I can’t say if the interplay between those specific factors would create that outcome—but I sure can say, I didn’t like it.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Ether Strike - Akira Complex. It’s hard to explain because it’s a rhythm game song (hello Arcaea fans) whose lyrics consists of like 4 unique lines but I’ll try. “An intense dissatisfaction with the world / And a compulsion to do something about it / Heaven and Earth / My guiding star” It is a compulsion, right? The way he decided he’d be the one to be in charge of it all. Fueled by a sense of desperation for any amount of validation and the guilt that came with. “My guiding star” reminds me of the conversation he had with Ender at the end of Shadow of the Giant where he said that he’d always think, what would Ender do? It helps that I hear a lot of grief, longing, and determination in the drop, too. Honorable mentions to All You Had To Do Was Stay by TS and Mirror Man by Jack Stauber.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

Admire is a weirdly specific word in this context. There’s Bean, Petra, his parents, Graff, Achilles, Ender, Val whom I can see him having notable relationships with. Honestly, none of them are quite admirable? These relationships are interesting and complex and I like reading about them but I wouldn’t say that I look up to them for guidance on what to do with my own social life? The only exception is his relationship with Petra. He gave her space to grieve and a cushion to fall back on. He learned to love and they learned to trust.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Dude, the first time I read Ender’s Game I was 12 years old. I don’t even remember how I felt towards the book overall. If I had to guess, I probably didn’t like him. At that stage in my life I would’ve related more to Ender. I do, however, remember the first time I picked EG up for a reread. I fell in love IMMEDIATELY. From the moment the book underlined his hatred with how he felt he wasn’t good enough, I knew he was THE standout character. The scene where he apologizes to Ender thinking that Ender’s asleep… HEARTWRENCHING. His heart-to-heart with Val… MY HEART BROKE. Meanwhile he was also so silly and goofy… literally the most crass character, always saying some wild out of pocket thing that made me go “hang on, we read this in sixth grade??!??” Now, with the part of the Enderverse that pertains to him completely in my pocket, it’s hard to pin down how I feel about him. From a personal perspective, he’s still by far my favorite character. His struggles and triumphs are vivid in a way that the other character’s just don’t live up to, and his failures are incredibly real. Viewing the books from a more critical view, Peter’s existence is interesting in and of itself because he occupies a lot of gray areas in the narrative. He’s a major antagonist in EG, and the only one that changes from an antagonist to a protagonist. He’s meant to be untrustworthy while being likable, making him rather unserious. In a narrative that usually frames characters as People We Should Listen To and People We Shouldn’t Listen To, Peter is the only character that we sorta kinda maybe should listen to depending on how much despair he’s experiencing. He’s explicitly allowed to make terribly embarrassing mistakes that threaten to debase his entire character, but he’s allowed to be helped. He’s allowed to crack jokes; the narrative is allowed to crack jokes about him. There’s an inherent levity to any scene he’s in. He can’t take the moral high ground in any argument—we’ve all seen him at his worst—yet he’s also working towards putting more good in the world. He’s a character filled to the brim with contradictions and even more determination to work through them. As a result, his viewpoints have a nebulous, fluid quality that made it impossible for OSC to use him as a personal megaphone, since, though the reader encouraged to challenge Peter’s assumptions, at the end of the day we’re still on Peter’s side—we want him to succeed, but we know that he WILL fumble doing it. He’s personable. And vivid. Which makes him a poor tool and a fabulous icon. A role that sort of echos his treatment in the novels themselves. Anyway. I think he’s neat.

#peter wiggin #enderverse #kenon.notes #serious literary analysis #wish i could write a whole paper on him #maybe when i reread #thank you for the ask!! i had lots of fun answering

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stardiveatnight · 2 years

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an unnecessarily long rant about dylan and ryan not ending up together

okay so i absolutely utterly love this game, and i know that in the end, it's just a silly little horror game and there is a lot more i could criticize about it, but i've been thinking about this for a little while now so here we go.

the more time passes, the less everything around dylan and ryan's romance in the quarry makes sense. like, they make sense, sure, but then the whole laura x ryan thing? ryan merely acknowledging that he is closer to dylan than to kaitlyn but then dismissing it all by claiming he isn't sure if he'd want to date either of them? nothing about potential romantic feelings, and then there being no ending where they end up together?

like, out of all the couples at the camp, they had the best chemistry. i love abi, but dear god did i not buy her and nick, especially not after he got infected. at first i genuinely thought she was going to end up with emma, so idk what that says about abi and nick. and jacob and emma... he is overly possessive and can't take no for an answer, and she deliberately leads him on and then treats him like shit for no reason. like, no, i don't want them to end up together, sorry.

as far as i know, there isn't an ending where either of the others end up together, too, but with emma and jacob we know jacob still loves her and there is a moment where emma can potentially admit that she still has feelings for him but thinks that they're not meant to be together. alright, but at least you can get some kind of resolution for them.

and abi and nick... i think i'm just not that upset about these two because as i said, i just didn't really buy their chemistry? and then nick turned out to be kind of an asshole so i'm just glad it didn't end up working out between them, i guess.

in the beginning the writers set up this sorta love triangle between kaitlyn, ryan and dylan which goes nowhere. like we all know that if ryan kisses kaitlyn in truth or dare the little text shows up that says dylan is disappointed (and he certainly looks like it), but when ryan kisses dylan, it says nothing about kaitlyn and dylan just sits there all smiley and flustered. and everyone's happy for them, too, whereas when ryan kisses kaitlyn, no one reacts. even kaitlyn herself looks uncomfortable which i guess could just her being nervous, but still. and for the rest of the game, her crush on ryan isn't brought up again once, there isn't even a way for kaitlyn and ryan to end up together, and the whole love triangle literally stops being a thing right after the campfire. what i'm trying to say is, the writers obviously never intended for kaitlyn and ryan to be a thing, they hardly interact alone at all, so why did they even include it? it's all about dylan and ryan, like, the entire time (until laura shows up but i'll talk about that in a bit), it's so obvious that they wanted an ending where dylan and ryan end up together and that their relationship is canon, so why drag kaitlyn into all of this only for her crush on ryan to disappear, like, immediately?

at first i thought it was to add some drama, but then laura shows up and i think we all agree that there was absolutely no romantic tension between her and ryan and i'm still wondering if all the characters were high when they pointed out ryan's crush on laura like wtf r u talking about

and i mean, i haven't tried to play it any differently, but laura and max are happy together, right? like, their only problem is that max didn't tell her about the rejection letter, but for her to know that she must have gone through his stuff which is also not cool. so, they might have some issues, but i didn't really get the feeling that they were on the verge of breaking up or something.

so, when the writers tried to make this laura x ryan thing happen because boy and girl alone? they must be in love, it really feels like they chickened out of making a gay couple endgame, like, last minute. and that's why the whole kaitlyn love triangle thing frustrates me bc it kind of feels like the same thing.

the only reason i made ryan be somewhat nice to laura (and vice versa) was because i heard that this was the only way to get him to admit to her that he was closer to dylan than to kaitlyn. but it also felt extremely out of character considering the situation they're in, like, it's obvious ryan doesn't trust laura at all, he literally only goes with her because she wants to kill chris who is like a father figure to him and he wants to stop her. also, he saw her kill kaylee, she is getting frustrated with him because he doesn't really buy anything she tells them in the pool house, they literally do not get along. hell, she has more chemistry with dylan in that scene than with ryan?? they don't even have an enemies to lovers type of vibe; to me, it was more like a i-really-don't-like-you-and-i-don't-trust-you-but-i'm-kind-of-forced-to-because-these-people-want-to-kill-us-frenemies type of relationship.

i literally, and i mean this lightheartedly, felt like the game was trying to gaslight me into believing there was some unresolved sexual or romantic tension between laura and ryan like hello? you've known each other for ten minutes what are you even saying? laura you're on a mission trying to save your boyfriend what is going on??

and then they still don't end up together, like ryan x laura never happens, like it was nothing but a weird fever dream, so why tf did the writers include this? it wasn't even to build up some weird jealous tension between ryan and dylan because they never end up together. why not??

it's like the game tried so hard to convince us that ryan and dylan are definitely in love, they're crushing so hard and ryan is a little oblivious and dylan is a little insecure but yes the feelings are mutual!! only to then rub it under our noses that ryan could also like kaitlyn, though, and he totally fancies laura, too, so maybe he doesn't like dylan after all! it was all just an illusion he never had a crush on him!!

i know that dylan and ryan's kiss was the first same sex kiss in supermassive game's history, though they're not the first openly queer characters. so, i guess out of fear that homophobes are going to boycott the game, especially considering ryan is somewhat of a protagonist, they chickened out of canonically acknowledging ryan and dylan (yet giving all sorts of hints that they are supposed to be endgame), they added kaitlyn's crush on ryan to give players the choice between kissing her or dylan, and that's also why the whole laura x ryan thing happened, just to be able to say see, ryan didn't like dylan after all! and just for us to be left all confused because what the fuck is happening.

i also wouldn't be upset about the kaitlyn thing if they at least went somewhere with it, but like this it just feels so halfhearted. in the end, ryan is bisexual, so it wouldn't be impossible for him to like kaitlyn.

i think in the end i'm just a little upset that they gave us the illusion of choice when it came to the romantic relationships only to then take it all away from us halfway through the game and shit all over it by pretending ryan suddenly has a crush on laura and we didn't even get a say in it. and yes, i'm also a little sad to see that emma and jacob or abi and nick don't end up together no matter what because it would have been interesting to see, but as i said, both of these couples just didn't have as interesting of a chemistry as dylan and ryan had (in my opinion, i know i keep shitting on abixnick and jacobxemma, i still liked them okay!!). and i also understand that the game would have gotten so much more complicated if they had added all sorts of relationship outcomes to it. i just think it's a little disrespectful to your own story to just let the strongest (or second strongest idk, depends on your preferences, i also really enjoyed laura and max), relationship in your game fizzle out like it was nothing or pretend that it was utterly one sided and all just an illusion just because you're too scared to make a same sex couple end game.

(i just hope the developers see the overwhelming response to dylan and ryan and will take that to heart. also abigail and emma please they were so gay in that golf cart pls)

#i know this was harsh but i had to say it #i'm just so upset they didn't get a conclusion #like at all #they are too precious for that #dylan did not introduce ryan to dylan dylan just for them to not end up together #this game is gonna make me lose my mind #dylan lenivy #ryan erzahler #laura kearney #kaitlyn ka #the quarry #radioheads #dylan x ryan #ryan x dylan #rylan

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