#this is my blog ill shit post when I want to

[runner5anna]

Sam Yao when runner 5 does anything

#this is my blog ill shit post when I want to #and by that I mean I’ll make posts that are shit #zombies run #zr #runner 5 #5anna #runner five #zombies run! #sam yao

[cowboy-robooty]

primal fear

#VERY OLD DRAWING 😍😍😍 #it looks like shit cuz its an hour doodle thing #little grayscale blending test #draws #IM TRYING TO GET OVER MY IRRATIONAL FEAR OF PEOPLE THINKING MY DRAWINGS ARE VENT ART WHEN THEYRE NOT #i just... dont want people to get the wrong idea about how i percieve the world and what my struggles are.. #but this is mai personal blog i should post any drawings i think are a little cool #people should already know someone can explore themes without having a personal connection to them #shit is just interesting sometimes and its fun to be an outsider looking in #classic robooty essay in the tags LOOK I HAVE A LOT OF SAY THIS IS MY HOUSE AND ILL YAP AWAY!

[yikes-ajax]

Something something overgrown garden

#i cant do aesthetic shit i can take pretty pictures but i am not doing shit like “she wants to show you her garden” with flowery text #i just cant it reminds me of my bosses shitty facebook posts like “🌺✨ set the printer on fire today love my team ✨🌺” #work is on the mind rn i am feeling feral #GIVE ME MY FUCKING SHIFT CHANGE MOTHER OF- #this is what happens when you are deprived of aesthetic blogs #i was perfectly normal and mentally ill to an acceptable degree when i was like fourteen posting pictures of trees #and now look at me complaining about my boSS SETTING A PRINTER ON FIRE IN THE TAGS #animals #cat #cat life #cat lovers #cat photos #cat pictures #catblr #cats of tumblr #my cat #petblr #pet cat #pets of tumblr #pet pictures #aesthetic cats #nature aesthetic #green aesthetic #calico cat #calico #cute cats #aesthetic #aesthetic pictures

[smute]

I GOT 100% ON MY SEX PAPER

#the grade's been entered so now i can share it gkfkrkgk #without having to worry about plag check #idk if its that interesting but some people asked me about it when i handed it in #back in may #anyway ill poast it soon im just not sure how #ill probably just put it on google drive idk #its 20 pages and i dont really want to post it directly on my blog #and have it indexed and shit idk how search engines work #anyway #ANYWAY! #100%! #I AM SO HAPPY #(and so relieved kfkdkg) #im kind of developing this idea further for my thesis #so i was eager for some feedback #before i *really* get started #&

[sunlightfeeling]

gonna maybe be away for a lil bit (I say maybe because it really depends on my brain’s temperment)

currently fighting some darkness atm that won’t fucking stop (I’m okay, though, I swear, but its been all fucking day and I need to sleep and I can’t because thoughts)

leave a message after the beep

#i might stop in to like and reblog random things here and there #but ill probably stick to dash rather than digging through blogs like i usually do #anyway #autism adhd and c-ptsd is such a fucking shit hand like cash me tf out ON FUCKING- #like already have emotion regulation problems that gets worsened by it #(it being ptsd) #adhd already brings an endless monologue so ptsd goes ‘oh hey..gimme da aux for a bit’ and plays THE MOST VILE SHIT #ON REPEAT #also the impulsivity omfg #im already terrible and use it to distract whenever i can #but its like im also telling myself i need to because i need to get away from this #but instead of buying things i feel like i want to do something ‘worse’ and i…like actually don’t wanna #anyway idk im really sorry for all the negative posting lately #ibut also this is my home so :( #i started a side blog to actually scream in a void but its kind of odd still tbh and that’s a tangent anyways #im still holding myself to shipping things tho! so I will be reaching out to y’all when i get material wooo #(hopefully next week or the following~) #im hoping that this is just pmdd flaring my ptsd #because then its temporary #BUT OMG WHY WONT MY MEDICINE WORK I HATE YOU PMDD 😭 #oh…yeah…sorry #beeeeep

[pepprs]

it’s that time of year where i want to remake my blog so so so bad it’s unreal and then i don’t. lol

#i have way too many followers to be doing the shit i do on here and im kinda getting tired of it. i wish the crab post hadn’t blown up #purrs #i just don’t want to lose the years of posts or like my sideblogs being attached to this blog or anything. and i would want to still be #pepprs but i wouldn’t want ppl to find me easily. idk. ughhh. head in hands #delete later #i wish there was a function to like remove followers en masse. that would fix me #all of u who like regularly like my personal posts would stay of.c it’s just like the literal resacteds of ppl who idont even know and i #feel claustrophobic on here sometimes and all i do is just close the app when i feel like that. but idk #it’s not sustainable. and i miss the freedom that comes w like having fewer ppl perceiving you iykwim. maybe i’ll remake for 2023 idk #i think tumblr has started recommending me to new users too like it’s that bad. and idont ahve any ill will towards ppl who follow me or #anything like i appreciate it. i just want privacy and i get so many asks and stuff all the time ajdni don’t want to sound ungrateful bc i #rly do appreciate it but also i have abt 2% social battery most days and i feel guilty and stressed bc the amount of ppl who want to talk to #me just keeps growing and growing and most of the time i want to hide and just reblog posts and not think abt it. that sounds so mean and is #very very evidential of my lockdown induced mental illness and again i do not want to sound ungrateful bc i really am. im just tired and #overwhelmed and overstimulated every day and i need… whatever you call this. even though i already isolate myself too much irl anyway

[revolutionarysuicide]

i never bothered with the like blocking new followers stuff (unless it was a bot or they were like some kind of reactionary) or locking a post if it gets too many notes cause i didnt really care if ppl followed me/reblogged my posts/etc but bro i have literally had one post blow up every day for the past 2? 3? days and have had several posts get upwards of 10k notes the past 2–3 months this is insane. i am so glad that tumblr fame means absolutely nothing though like even the most tumblr famous ppl would never like be paid to promote a brand or whatever. absolutely would never want to be an Influencer or whatever it is they're calling it these days. iam just vibing here

#also i *think* every post ive made thats blown up the past 3 months has been political? #which is funny cause when i made this blog i decided it would not be for Politics #not as in im apolitical on the blog but it was meant to be like just for reblogging pretty images and shitposts #and for generalised ~media~/~fandom~ interests not like a full on fandom blog but just to reblog fanart i like or whatever #i was like well i already have a Politics Twitter and also the communists on here seem pretty lame anyway so ill just keep this blog for #personal not super political stuff and keep my twitter for Social Media Politicking + irl organising stuff for IRL Politicking #but now my twitter is dead as hell lol #dont like having Followers though i want to be able to talk shit without random strangers seeing it #also im now at the point where i dont think i can talk shit about specific tumblr users without them having a reasonable chance of seeing i #not that they'd be following me but maybe one of my followers is friends with them or something and would forward it #sad!

[scaredofmyocs]

I love it when i accidentally stay up on the night im supposed to be catching up on sleep it totallly doesnt make me feel horrible all week long

#talk post #i love this blog i want to live here #I cant!!! i just cant!!! go to bed at a normal fucking time istg #but noooooo the wild grinders wiki no some stupid bullshit no one has ever cared about before #WHEN I DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS WAY WORSE!!!!! IF I DONT FIX IT WE ARE GOING TO GET TOO SILLY #(yelling at a mirror) #seriously bothers me tho that Im always worried about how intense my negative feelings have been lately #and im like “oh ill just get more sleep” and then immediately fuck it up the next night making me tired all week #making me feel SO bad in the mornings and at night and increasing my paranoia and other such thoughts #and in trying to tune it all out just forget about it again leading to me fucking it up again #this is a bit dramatic its only happened 2 weeks in a row #but that feels like a lot because thats like 10 nights where i felt like i blinked and i had to wake up and go to school #and not only deal with my shitty social skills but the results of said thing #and also try to fight the thoughts that are like “this shits pointless im not doing this” LIKE PLEASE pretend to be normal for one year #and also that one teacher i have who demands every students attention while he teaches like i already finished the work sheet shut it #like i do well in that class just let me do what i want im not being distracting like girl i have at least an 87 dw about me #PLUS most of the time im not even on my phone he just really wants me to look at the board but girl as i said I ALREADY DID WHATS ON THERE #i feel like i never get to relax but i do all the time so i dont know what i mean #i keep saying “its ok as long as i can bury all my thoughts and just keep going while filling what free time i have with things i enjoy” #but things only work for so long #i hate the passage of time #anyawy erm wrong my guitar is in my mind (stupid ass guitar riff) #walks over to my bed and trips on the way falling asleep on the floor #ramble #hit post

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt. #well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

[oyasleepy]

mm . mmmm. social media

#oyaspeaky #ahve been doing some thinking abt the state of things & my own stances. on what i wanna do #twitter has become such a shitshow that i barely look at it. bc it's a nightmare! and it's always been shit for my mental health anyway! #but also almost all of the ppl close 2 me use it as their main thing and it kinda feels lonely & bad to miss 99.9% of the things they post . #i just want to ahve fun and play toys with people but i know if i get active on twitter again ill have a breakdown within a week #bc im bad at limiting myself when i do certain things..... #tumblr & deviantart have always kinda been the sites tht feel most like Home to me #but pretty much everyone i care abt ditched dA due to eclipse! & so did i! the site's kind of a trashfire now! #this is mostly rambling at this point i am just. sorting my thoughts <3 #the bottom line is i kinda feel a lil isolated from things and i worry that translates to others' perspectives as me not caring #i do care !! i just mostly live here bc otherwise id die #this post has no point but. ive been tryin to Blog a bit more. so heres a Blogging

[gncrezan]

tiny comic for the tiny friendship these two are starting to have :)

#and ofc what rylan meant was 'maybe your mom will recognise lalan cause she orders from here' LMFAO but wei is an older sibling at heart #so ofc they took the chance to be a little shit #i love rylan sooo much . my little onion of a man (its the layers) #wei li-agonios #rylan villanueva #when twilight strikes #my art #long post #i want to do a longer comic about the nicknames and what people call wei . but thats also my long game to draw stuff #abt blane calling them by their last name... which is a fucking mouthful.... #but if anyone is wondering im torn between literally every route and this takeout scene was one of the things that made me lean twrds rylan #so i added a little more depth/interaction all for myself . because my weiwei deserves it #(my personal blorbo for REAL. wei literally the favorite child) #but then ofc in the next scene i got randomly paired w blane so im learning towards THEM now . whatever . ill figure it out #...sooner or later. idk #also i feel as tho i need a doodle tag. i dont have one and this is obviously not polished but i wanna hv it on the blog

[theapocolypseisuponus]

probably going to purge tumblr for a few weeks to see how it goes to try and help with dissociation. i’ll probably still pop on a little tho. part of a bigger social media exercise im doing. Sigh. Goodbye beloved tumblr mutuals see u October 20 when I will be physically incapable of not becoming a cattails wildwood blogger.

#also trying to come out to my family as trans. yikes! #why couldnt i JUST be gay. like literally no one cares about who i bone. this is the one thing thats a big life change #and also will get me bad medical care OOF #but alas im starting to realize how much happier id be. ignorance is bliss as they say. #anyway ill just be more inactive. still will be coming on when im real stressed to try and relllaaaax and for casual blogging #its mostly just to cut out more fandom stuff anyway like that shit posions my brain. will definitely come on when I have ideas to post. #wanted to make this blog more personal and less of a reblog factory. though i do love being a reblog factory #gotta keep the lifeblood of tumblr pumping as the most common type of blogger lol. #ok this is really getting away from me BYYYEEEE SEE YOU ALL WHENEVER I COME ON NEXT! Probably only a few days lol.

[mwagneto]

ok so which part of "i dont want to have in depth discussion about the war on my silly fandom blog that i (and probably a lot of people who would end up seeing said discussions) use to get away from my real life where there is a war and 500 other horrors" is so hard to get

#mf i got like 10 asks about it bro i dont want to think about it !!!!!!!!!! #can i just dissociate and look at funney posts and gifset once every few days without #ppl treating me like a political blog. i already said all my opinions if u want them that bad just read them again #like questions about basic shit are fine but im not getting into deep political stuff that's not why this blog exists #if i post an opinion there's like a 90% chance it's coz i broke out of my dissociative slumber for #a few seconds in order to have A Thought ™ and I'll never think about it again. if you agree and #wanna expand on it that's one thing but im not a debate club and im especially not a discourse blog #anyway. dont send me asks that prompt discussions on the war or inflation or anything like that #i cant do anything about it and the more i think about it the worse it gets. ion wanna #log on here and open my ask box only to see 5 more asks about your russia headcanons especially when it's #straying into conspiracy theory level shit #im not a newspaper im just some mentally ill guy im here to look at gifs . please #barking #like again idk how to phrase this without sounding like i dont want any asks #asks about fandom discourse are always welcome. i might not publish it if the take is too hot but i always enjoy them #questions like ''how do you feel about /current bad thing/'' are ok but if it's #something I've been asked before i probably wont have anything else to say #essays about the war/economic crisis/housing crisis/etc... no ? please ? im just trynta enjoy whatever show im insane about currently #on here anyway. escapism and all

[caruliaa]

okay so um. apparently tumblr has started terminating accounts when people use vpns on desktop? idk if theres any major evidence of this but its been happening to many people apparently including people who have previously used vpns and been fine (its been happening more with the bot resurgence apparently) and i dont want to risk it but the thing is for the next eleven days im stuck in a country were tumblr is literally banned and i cannot access it without a vpn so um. im not gonna be on tumblr for the next few days !!! if you need me ill still be on discord and if youre a mutual who doesnt have me on there ask luce (@legobatmen) for it. bye i will miss you all very much<3

#i am. genuinly quite upset about this. bc tumblr is the many place were i talk to many of my friend esp luce #nd she doesnt even get discord notifs so -__- literally f uck my life #also i had a whole plan for a thing i wanted to do next year and like. start the blog nd stuff for at new year -__- #starting it a few days late isnt a huge deal but still #idk man im just very upset by this. ik ppl laugh at the idea tht social media can mean tht much to a person but like. #this is were i talk to all of my friends basically . nd i can do tht on discord. but not as much yk . nd i already wasnt enjoying this trip #as much as if we had j stayed home. ugh #idk maaybe ill make more shit if im not j scrolling tumblr all day . silver linings ig #also luce im sorry for not asking b4 telling ppl to dm u for my discord u r j the person i trust the most when it comes to sharing it w ppl #also most likely no one will ask bc most ppl i otherwise talk tohave mydiscord already yk #anyway i shld finish this post bc itsnot smart for me to keep being on tumblr rn. bye will miss u guys sm<3 #flappy rambles

[arcaneyouth]

turns out being consistently harrassed for like 2 weeks does something to your mental health. who knew?

#negative #vent post #I FEEL. LIKE A FOOL. FOR THINKING I COULD JUST MOVE ON AFAHFSJG #i absolutely do not want to try going to sleep. my brain is already haunting me with my worst nightmares and im awake #i dont trust my dreams with this #thank fucking god i took this url off of the tournament blogs description when i did. i dont think they know it was me #if they knew i dont doubt everyone would be sending me more shit #i cant even walk away from this without everyone thinking its fucking. cringe and pathetic and stupid #and yet somehow i think ill be fine and normal after a couple days away. as if this literally wasnt one of my biggest fears #aughgghgu. i will not bully myself for not being over it already but i sure do wish my brain would SHUT UP man #i feel almost paranoid and it fucking sucks #i really shouldve just left sooner #i shouldve called it quits after the first drama

[donghuamuqing]

Its just me and my inactive tumblr against the world

#my post #sorryyy :’( #i havent checked the byler ao3 tag in literal days #i hope i get over this phase soon bc i miss yall but i cant force myself to be on here if i dont want to be lol #ive just been on twitter and pinterest tbh #i feel like the anime fan community is much more active on there bc i did the same when i got into demon slayer #maybe ill put my freshly multifandom blog to the test and rb a bunch of shit LMAO #thank you all for sticking with me i love uuuuuuu #ill have a new fic soon im just on spring break rn they have my ass in CONNECTICUT!!!!! THERES SNOW ON THE DAMN GROUND!!!!!!!