#this ask reminds me of the ask blogs I used to lurk years ago

[beardedhandstoadshark]

I wave my wand 🪄 You are now a pigeon!

Gurr gurr? Gurgurgurr- gurgurrgur.gurgur (gur gurgurgur gur gurrrurr gurgurr) gurgurgur! :] gurgurgurgurgurgurgurgurgurgurgurgurgurgurgur gurgurrrgurgurrrgurgurugururrurrgurgurwhy I don’t trust square fries

#another anon ask #is gurr even the written sound for pigeon sounds in English #Idk but let’s pretend #this ask reminds me of the ask blogs I used to lurk years ago #the ones where people pretend to be fictional characters #and sometimes people would drop in magic asks #that’d change how the answers come out for a set amount of asks #but pretty much all these blogs are dead now #except for that one person currently roleplaying gdorf. Shoutouts to that person for keeping all of Zelda-ask-blogging alive #and that one ut one that long since turned into a full fledged comic #it was still going 2y ago at least I think

[mizz-sea-nymph]

Attention: if you are not @hebemina then I advise you don’t respond to this cause just by that you’ll embarrass yourself by proving my points and being literal proof.

Id like to say that me and her where friends but during the time we where friends she had her weird moments and her alright moments especially when we first met, it wasn’t her acting like the adult it was me, funnily enough I started referring to her as a sister cause that’s what I do when I worry about how a person views me, it was clear I was uncomfortable and got my friend who remember the first encounter and how I reacted to this ask a while back, hell I even asked them how to respond to the ask cause I was in such a panic. When looking at it, I’m genuinely disgusted how she didn’t even apologise or better herself, everyone keeps saying she’s better but she isn’t and it’s really sad how harmful it is especially to the people she spoke with that she made uncomfortable.

(She was drunk and I was mortified and didn’t even know how to respond so I danced around it I’ll admit that but thing is she didn’t even apologize)

Now it’s hard to show this from the past cause of personal stuff but since some people already know about it I guess I just gotta grow some balls. I’m showing this from the past cause I came across it a while ago and got disgusted, I was a child and I was mortified so much so I asked my friends how to respond to it and was so ashamed and embarssed I thought I deleted this but luckily didn’t cause one can realize how horrid this is. What’s funny is a DECENT AND SENSITIVE AND CARING PERSON would apologise! You never apologized Mina! and this wasn’t the first time you got weird with me! Seriously! Atleast have the decency to say sorry! But not just this you’ve many times turned our platonic and happy convos to something straight up weird, I ended up deleting many on my blog cause of unlike you I feel embarrassed!

I went through a hard year and having someone like this disturb me online was the icing on the cake but of course I was too embarssed and scared to say anything about it cause I feared I’d be yelled at, by your followers, yeah allot of you made me not even want to stand up for myself and say “what you are doing is rubbing me the wrong way” despite her knowing my age, and despite me reminding her constantly at that time I kept saying “haha I’m in high school”. So to the people reading this, dont make her seem like she Dosent know the age of her followers cause she lurks, she lurks around even accounts she has now ignored just cause said acount has a different opinion then her.

Thought I didn’t notice? I easily noticed how you and @hanaiikiki or whatever TF her name is now stopped talking to me as a whole and started ignoring my existence, even when I was geniunely trying to be nice etc, you stopped when I voiced my opinion about Loki, Hana going as far as telling people she Dosent know me (girl I got ears everywhere, when I heard this I was shocked cause I thought we where good!) despite me clearly stating as a continuation I don’t care what anyone likes and Dosent like it’s the VICTIM BLAMING, that’s wrong and also rly weird. So I don’t understand why both of you would let a fictional character come between a nice mutual friendship, especially you Hana I geniunely liked talking to you I liked talking mythology and liked sending you asks, you where really nice and kind with me and didn’t weird me out like Mina but it’s clear you have no self identity what so ever. But of course, no worries! I have no need for you! I know who my people are and aren’t and you aren’t one of em that’s for sure. As for Mina, yeesh girl yeesh that’s all I got when it comes to this, cause again no self respect self shame or friendship is magic in this case, but then again you’re no use of me either so I’ll say I’m glad you don’t speak to me anymore cause you creeped me out many times :)

just cause someone hides behind a cute kind persona dose not always mean that’s what they are on the inside dishonesty is sm. I’m honestly so dissapointed so many here defend her and say she’s changed instead of her saying she has, let her speak for herself if she’s so much so as the adult she claims to be.Let her speak cause I’m amazed how everyone walks eggshells around her cause she’s “sensitive” that is a insult to sensitive people as a whole.

I’m not going to mention who cause I want them to rest easy cause they are dear to me and what they experienced today breaks my heart they’re so sweet and didn’t deserve any of this, but when Mina apologized to them, Mina used the excuse of “I didn’t know you where a minor” despite her MENTONING THEIR AGE! Everyone knows people that know what they’re doing use that excuse, they lie, they will always go with this excuse, don’t get offended and stop reading now Mina I ain’t calling you a pedo, I’m calling you a dumbass, a real big dumbass as a whole for that shit apology and excuse. A victim of harassment Dosent deserve this, and a “sorry” dose not make up for the trauma the victim suffered let alone this type of “sorry”.

(I’m covering the name cause I rly feel bad for who experienced this and believe the poor thing has experienced enough today of all days like good god I don’t even want anyone to comfort me I’m fine! Just show some support and love to this victim cause good god)

there’s a line with senstivity and irresponsibility, and if it weren’t for me sending a respectful i REPEAT a respectful I’m a respectful person that’s how my mama raised me, anon ask saying you shouldn’t interact with minors much cause they’re easy to influenced and they see what you post easily etc etc, the useless “minors do not interact” wouldn’t be there. Oh and it’s hilarious how you have it there and still interact with said minors? Sweetie? It’s not there for show! Lotus? Heldril? Goddamm new comers? Children copy and children get affected! And you’ve clearly traumatized and affected a bunch! If you’re a so called elderly care giver you should know how to care for others that aren’t just you, make it make sense!

Oh and let’s not leave this out the cake. It’s funny how you talk about masturbating in public and how you vent in public, letting literally people who are younger than you be your therapist, or witness you sexting IN PUBLIC keep it in the dms woman! have so shame! This isn’t red lobster you embarrassing yourself! I ain’t slut shaming you cause I’m the queen of sluts, I’ve been called a slut for years and I didn’t even know about it so don’t think I’m slut shaming you. But really How wonderful really! A nurse! Who gose through the struggle of whipping elderly asses for a living! Doesn’t go to a therapist and relays on people decades younger than her! Get a damm therapist! Be ashamed! Seriously take some responsibility!

Not to mention I still remember how people expressed geniune concern for you and you milked it and said “see you on the other side” who says that! I was one of those people! I actually worried? But I woke up and realized what the fuck is this? Are you serious??? Some of these people who are worried for you are younger by years?? Some even minors?! Get a grip??! Where’s the responsibility?? It’d be better to write about your horny thoughts on a blog strictly for NSFW! I deadass told you to in the anon ask cause you need to be responsible! And dont you dare post a “im sorry 🥺” post! I know your type and I know them well! Just by that post where you explained yourself about the whole issue of you saying you want to make out with a minor, says allot. You didn’t address the issue! You just said it’s okay to hate you! You didn’t even defend yourself! Well for one Mina, I don’t hate you, I just hate the way you act,behave and your personality as a whole because that “sorry” will never cut the anxiety and horrible memory as a whole, be ashamed a bit, it’s not funny to make everything sexual and as a adult you should understand that.

What you did to those mods and roleplayers? I’m still speechless and have Vietnam flashbacks when it comes to the public sexting good god, atleast as if it’s okay to do NSFW and sent a literal pic of you bust? I know dirty I’m the QUEEN of dirty that hand on your top pulling the shirt a little lower shocked me so much my eyebrows left to Saturn and had a baby with the planet! I’ve got eyebrow planet grandkids now that’s how shocked I was. Not to mention the mod was 19 you are literally a decade older girl- tf is this lore Olympus? I know you like lore Olympus but girl lore Olympus is lowkey shit no offence. Honestly no wonder the mod stopped roleplaying and deleted the acounts cause good god girl- atleast have the decency to ask?

It’s really funny! Just a big joke really!

I for one was a friend with yo!u until I realized your true colors, I’m disappointed and consider this pathetic. I used to think you were nice and kind but I was met with dissapointment you genuinely disappointed me, hurt me and not only me but many others, don’t beat yourself about it just accept the fact that you did and just remove yourself from said minors and ACTUALLY BE RESPONSIBLE, before you hurt even more people.

As for the ones reading this,

You all know me and I’m pretty sure this is shocking seeing me a person here on tumblr call out the so called sweet Mina but honestly, people! nobodies perfect! Are you kidding me?? Get it through your skulls! She isn’t perfect and I’m not saying to hate her I’m saying to stop treating her like a child! when actual children here are being harmed! I’ve seen minors on here who deadass have been affected by her! And nobody I say nobody! don’t you dare say she didn’t know what she was doing that’s a insult to the victims and disgusting in general.

Also it’s not the ror fandom that’s changing, this has nothing to do with ror, to anyone reading this know this, it’s the Mina fandom that’s changing, not the ror fandom I’ve been in the ror community long before her and if sm was changing I’d know.

I’m deadass saying this despite me being a decade younger then Mina, I’m not saying this as a friend, not as a friend cause I don’t see you as that anymore and will never will ever again, im saying this as a person who’s going to be honest with you,

Keep it real

Enough of this self cantered,narcissistic ,immature, shameful,irresponsible and selfish behavior, you should be able to expect opinions like this, stop hiding behind your followers and say what you have in mind Mina and DONT dance around the issue, I read your “apology” post when the Heldirl issue raised to light, you didn’t even talk about the issue in hand, you just said it’s okay to hate you! Three paragraphs!! don’t dance around this, and you know what, Don’t even respond if you plan on doing that, cause that just proves the point.

Just know I don’t respect you not just cause of you being weird in the past with me but also with others specifically others I care about, so don’t come crying to me cause I geniunely don’t care I know these types of etiquettes, a sorry will never cut shit like I said so call me a cruel bitch idc ig it’s fair 🤷🏻‍♀️ just know I DONT respect you one bit,good day.

Tagging

@amphitriteswife @tinyy-tea-cup @mono-supports-palestine @praisethesuuun @riseofamoonycake @brokensenseofhumor @monstertreden @heldril @lotusmybeloved @nicasdreamer @ idk

idk who tf else to tag aaaa 💀 but yeah that’s my take on all of this respect me hate me I don’t care I rather be hated for who tf I am then who I pretend to be and who I am is a person to keeps it real 🤨

#ror #snv #idk what to tag 🧍‍♀️

[netherworldpost]

TRICK OR TREAT

A small box, purple and ribboned green. Inside are things, pleasant yet not yet seen.

Dreams, maybe, of places yet visited -- or places visited yet not yet returned to, in quite some time.

Wrapped in woodsmoke, that pleasant, and a leaf -- no, two -- it has been a good year, let us celebrate this success with harmless excess.

rambling ->

This will (probably) be the only trick or treat I respond to this year. You're the first! That's the bad news, that I'll probably only write one of these this year.

The good news (in active progress all season) is that I'm working on a whole system of them.

<- rambling / making sense ->

In 2014, I ran a promo on Evil Supply Co. where folks were invited to write in "trick or treat" and I would come up with a unique ramble (as above) for them.

Just for them. A gift of text. No duplicates. Each wildly different. How was that so long ago question mark exclamation mark.

I peaked into whatever information they provided to write something specifically customized for them using all of my powers of deduction (i.e. reading + skill as a storyteller) TO WRITE A TINY ***CUSTOM MYTH*** FOR THEM

(see above) (for yours) (enjoy!)

Answered LOTS.

It ended up being dozens. I don't think it was actually 364, but I do believe I ended up doing a few hundred, but. Y'know. Gif. Can't pass it up.

Tons of fun.

Tons of work!

Tons of fun though.

"I think you might have said something about a plan?" you might be wondering.

I don't know you and I don't know how familiar you are with my work and I'm guessing this is just a fun ask without prompting.

However.

I never let a chance to ramble go to waste.

Netherworld Post Office is being built as "an independent media company".

Fancy words.

Means we do lots of stuff.

Right now we're making myths for back office clients.

We're building a front office shop. Cards and stickers and zines.

That's two of the "lots of stuff."

A third of the "lots of stuff" is a continual "trick or treat" blog.

I'll run through some logistics quickly. You didn't ask for any of this part but this is the trick to the treat.

The Trick or Treat blog will be a public archive. Some things I'll just write because the blog'll need some stuff to get going and keep going.

But sometimes there will be a "trick or treat!" shop entry. Limited quantity. Available until sold out. One per customer. Working out the details. Randomly during the year it'll come back in stock until it's out of stock again.

If you snag one, it is $0.00 with $0.00 shipping and handling. Anywhere in the world. Trick or treats are free!

I'll write a tiny myth like the above.

It'll get printed on a card.

We cover the printing and the postage.

It'll get mailed to you. Wherever you are in the world!

Tiny postcard print.

Written just for you.

Mailed to just to you. For free! Anywhere in the world!

Trick or treat!

Via the mail!

You caught me in a late night business session and I had a solid amount of sleep today for the first time in weeks and so I Am Full of Energy.

Enjoy your treat!

I've carved off the launch date because (uncomfortable laughter) the problems we thought we had solved were solved but they weren't the only problems lurking.

It's fine.

That's business.

I'm smart and I've added even smarter folks helping me figure out the complex problems.

netherworldpost.com has the mailing list if you're thinking "huh I like the idea of receiving a launch email sometime when this all sets up."

I've overstayed my welcome in answering this ask, so I'll see myself out after a big "Happy Halloween!" to everyone

(or small I guess, text size is structured for reading)

(and we're in a small text section)

(...wrapping up...)

Thanks for this space.

The Trick or Treat blog is in active idea-ation-stage-ization because it is October and the October Energy is Rampant so we're grabbing it while we can to figure out this very October thing.

This gif selection is reminding me I am due for a witch hair appointment

Paying that bill requires cash (fair and good and fine)

And remembering "oh stones, money exists"

means remembering "oh bones, I gotta market this machine lest it devolve into An Ungodly Expensive Hobby"

so

that URL for email signup

one last time

netherworldpost.com

(I am actively reducing coffee intake and increasing sleep intake and my schedule has coincided with "tonight is a coffee night" + "today was a heavy sleep day" and your ask came in on "I am planning a big project")

(let this be a joyous warning to folks who ask me things)

(I MAY ANSWER) (IT WILL BE LONG) (IT MIGHT NOT MAKE SENSE)

#october 31 #autumn blog #october #halloween #snail mail #autumn blogs #autumn snail mail #halloween snail mail

[roo-bastmoon]

A bit of housekeeping...

I'm so glad to welcome some new friends to this blog, but I just want to make sure everyone knows what they are in for, so here's some quickie reminders:

I'm Jimin ult-biased and a Jikook supporter, so that's mostly what I post about. But I'm OT7 and I love loving on all our boys.

I am streaming and buying for Yoongi, just as I do for all 7, and I am excited that Yoongi will be my first ever concert! But I won't be posting tips and tutorials and reminders and such for D-Day. The info provided for Jimin also applies to all BTS works, and honestly I need a bit of a break as I have a lot of deadlines and some (thankfully minor) health issues to tackle.

Just so you know, I'm a toddler ARMY. Joined the fandom about a year and a half ago. I'm still finding my way, still working through official content. I'm not a big blog. I'm not an important blog. I love discussions and I never mind answering questions, but I'm not clever enough to be anyone's guide, so, please do your due diligence with the big accounts, and we can learn together!

I just cannot stand drama. I don't have the heart for it. It literally pains me when people get meanspirited. So when in my presence, please never ever shade any of the members. Don't share weird creepy invasive stuff. And yes, some things need to remain closeted and bad shit happens in life, but I'm allergic to conspiracy theories and victim narratives.

To the new folks who joined me but have only one or two posts... it's entirely possible you're using a fake account to keep tabs on Jikook accounts. And listen. As long as you don't start drama and spew hate? It's okay by me if you lurk here. You might see things from a new perspective, or you might not. I support your right to make up your own mind. I have no agenda. I will never go into other people's spaces and insist they see things the way I do. Just know, I will block so fast your head will spin if you start up with bullshit. Simply try to be a good human, that's all I ask.

And with that in mind, every time I do anything as a Jimin fan, I ask myself "Would Jimin feel honored by this?" and if the answer is no, I course correct. I am human and I will make mistakes, but I at least know the following to be true:

Jimin loves his members. Jimin has a very special bond with Jungkook. Jimin hypes up other artists. Jimin never brags about himself nor speaks ill of anyone. Jimin works hard in silence. Jimin tells the truth but never shares much of his personal life. Jimin strives to be perfect, but no matter what is always authentic.

All these things are clues as to how he'd like fans to behave. So I act accordingly and hope you do, too.

All that being said, I strongly suspect Hobi will be coming to us again around Easter, and I really hope we ask him thoughtful questions and share meaningful messages of support. Let's do our best to raise the level of discussion they have with us on Weverse! And let's be sure to send him off feeling bolstered by our love, instead of weighed down by our demands for reassurance around his military service.

Right now, I need to take a bit of a rest. It's been a crazy three weeks! PLEASE make free trial Pandora accounts if you are a US ARMY, and no matter what, keep streaming and reaching out to funding accounts to buy.

Let's do our best for our boys and walk with them each step of the way! It's been quite a journey so far, hasn't it?

Love, Roo

[starswirls-planet]

hello to everyone that had a tumblr they forgot about but was reminded by the bird app shenanigans

welcome back, have a seat, get comfy. we have a few unspoken standards that might give you some culture shock coming from twitter so let me help you out!

use tags to add appropriate trigger warnings to posts you make/reblog

DO NOT censor words in your tags, the whole point of them is that you can hide posts with certain tags. so if someone has posts with the tag "#tw blood" hidden, they still see posts with the tag "#tw bl00d"

you are supposed to like and reblog old posts. it's part of the fun, I promise nobody is gonna judge you for reblogging a piece of fanart from 5 years ago, NOBODY CARES

speaking of reblogs, reblog to your hearts content! unless you're a gimmick blog or using tumblr as a portfolio you should reblog stuff you find cool, funny, important etc.

remember: the goal is NEVER to be tumblr famous, this is the only site where it's explicitly a bad thing to be famous

you can also use tags to organize your blog a bit, this is especially useful for artists and creatives cause you can for example tag all your art featuring a specific OC with their name and people can then sort for all posts you made with that tag and see just that OC

we have progressed since when you last opened tumblr, it was never a ghost town y'all just didn't pay attention to us

most seasoned users are automatically gonna assume any accounts with the default profile picture and banner are bots and block them, so even if you just wanna lurk, change them

interact with others! hype up artists in the tags! send folks asks, even if it's not a question! add to peoples posts! be silly! enjoy yourself!

now get out there and make some mutuals!

#to the newcomers #twitter #muskpocalypse #elongated muskrat #tumblr culture

[cardio-girl]

Just so you all know, I am a recently widowed lesbian. I was very shy about being a cardiophile when I began a relationship with my very wonderful late spouse, so we talked about hearts in casual conversation in order for me to feel out if they were receptive. It took me four years to open up to them about my kink, but they were super supportive and accepting; our sex life was already great, but it became amazing after that. We bought our first ekg monitor about two years ago, but it stopped working after rigorous use. The machine I use now is the second one we bought together, it has weathered the wear and tear well and I'd recommend it to anyone who can afford $200 for toys. We had planned on expanding our existing collection of cardiophile toys and trying poppers together, but my spouse's untimely death put a hamper in those plans. My wife told me that they would fulfill my fantasy someday of stopping my heart then starting it up again, promising this to me the last time on the morning that their own heart stopped. That afternoon I gave real chest compressions to the love of my life, vomit erupting from their mouth and nose with each pump on their sternum. It was the worst version of a resus fic, it was graphic, traumatic, and it was real. The paramedics came and shocked my lover on the floor twice before regaining a rhythm, then took them to the hospital where they never regained consciousness and died ten days later. If the outcome had been different, we might just appreciate that their heart stopped and was brought back to life, but this was the worst case scenario and we didn't get so lucky. Playing pretend is very different than the real event. Be careful what you wish for, because when your fantasy comes true in all the wrong ways, you might regret playing with fire. Yes my icon is me holding my lover's hand in the hospital (before I knew all hope was gone); they would have thought my actions at the hospital were romantic if their brain had been functional at that point. I slept cuddled up next to my sweetheart one last time in that hospital bed, tubes and all, and they died in my arms. It was a reminder that kink can be founded on a true thing with real impacts. Please remember this when interacting with any of my posts.

Here are some ground rules for interacting with my blog. I will add more rules if needed:

Men are welcome to interact, but will be blocked for any sexual comments.

Anyone is allowed to play doctor with me on my posts, however I do not welcome sexual role play of any kind with men.

I appreciate compliments and respectful comments, but I cannot respond to replies to my posts because this is a side blog. If you are interested in getting a response to your comments on my posts, you will have to reblog them.

Don't be creepy. I have been lurking on cardiophile tumblr for long enough to know that there are creeps out there who harass women and make uncomfortable comments. If you make me feel uncomfortable, I will block you no questions asked.

Do not ask me for favors. I do not use Snapchat, Skype, or any other video chat service. I will not video chat with you.

I'm not interested in flirting (even with girls), I just want somebody to listen to and appreciate my broken heart again.

My heart is utterly broken. I already had tachy spells and PVCs, but the palpitations beat on my chest harder now than ever. At least I have the equipment to record and share with other cardiophiles again. I will continue to share my play sessions as long as everyone is respectful and tumblr doesn't take me down.

#psa

[catonator]

Lol, internet

The largest imageboard in Finland, Ylilauta and its offshoot Northpole (rip in peace) had a major faux pas this week. Threads older than 2 weeks are now placed behind a paywall. Imagine if Discord set message history behind a Nitro subscription, and you have the gist of it. The latter board was just flatout killed off due to legal issues.

This majorly pissed off the users, and as a result my fringe alt-imageboard (won’t name the one, rules of the internet 1 & 2) got a surge of new users. However, the results weren’t as I feared! While Ylilauta isn’t really representative of smaller corners of the internet like it once used to be and nowadays is closer to a modern social media platform, the users who showed up were still willing to play along the rules of the smaller board, even if they ended up mostly asking stupid questions. Watching the entire thing unfold was quite fun, actually, and really reminded me of the kind of stupid shit I used to do online about 15 years ago.

The noob raid ended up reminding me of how you actually learn to be a fun part of the communities you happen to stumble upon. Observation. Lurking. You learn new things by reading the old users and seeing what this place is just about. It’s an image board, you don’t even have accounts! You can just stick around and watch!

Search engines and the internet didn’t die because of corporate greed and SEO. Well, just because of corporate greed and SEO. The internet died, because we, the users, collectively all jumped to places like Twitter, Tumblr and Discord. Especially Discord. The internet has always been a haven of user-generated stuff (for better or worse…), but sometime in the past 10 or so years we all decided to stop making it available. Twitter is a collection of barely coherent thoughts in posts that can barely encompass a full sentence. Many good posts are spread across dozens of tweets, usually out of which one at most is indexable, but often the entire thread is missing. Tumblr is a blogging site where the users stopped blogging, and the blogs aren’t visible to outsiders because fuck you. Discord is an instant messaging application meant to compete with fucking TeamSpeak that through sheer user laziness and insane overreach managed to overtake forums, and the message history is completely inaccessible unless you have an account and an invitation to the server.

The result is that all of human knowledge is now contained on like 5 sites, most of which are never going to be accessible to outsiders. For the past decade, we have unknowingly waged a war on lurkers, and in the process driven them all into extinction.

The issue is, lurkers are mostly those who aren’t newcomers. They’re the ones who have learned to keep their mouth shut and try finding a solution first and foremost. The questions they do eventually ask are also the ones that are going to be the most specialised, and also useful to other lurkers. They share personal experience and anecdotes, ideas they tried out but didn’t work for their purposes. They share abstract, multilayered concepts that simply aren’t something that can be demonstrated or proven algorithmically.

The sites that exist and rule the landscape today are practically fraud. What they sell is not funded by them, nor is it created by them. They sell the writings, media, humour, anecdotes and other forms of bizarre interactions that we, the consumers create. Without any user activity, these media megastructures would simply shrivel up and die, as there’d be nobody driving eyes onto the site. They don’t really deserve anything besides maybe being paid for the server costs, which still constitute a fraction of a fraction of the total revenue generated.

But nothing prevents you from just leaving. The internet doesn’t suddenly end when you walk out of YouTube or Instagram. Sure, you can’t just upload your data onto The Internet itself, but the way the web was constructed means that you haven’t lost your rights to obtain a small webhost and an address and setting up your own ramshackle site. You’ll just pay in discoverability.

Internet users need to be reminded that the concept of the internet isn’t just a technology that transmits data to a small number of applications, it’s an interconnected series of servers, clients, more servers and more clients. A server can be any computer you can find with a little tweaking, and as long as you have a router and an internet connection, that’s all you need. You can forward the computer’s IP address and make it behave like a website. The internet was created by users, for users, and so far there’s nothing that can take that away from you.

The change isn’t going to manifest itself overnight, and I also wouldn’t recommend jumping out headfirst into the abyss, leaving everything else behind. It’s just good to know the possibilities anyone can have at their fingertips, as I’ve seen more and more people wallow in misery over the state of current and future internet. Maybe if enough people create wacko self-hosted sites as side projects, we may one day not need sites like the one I’m publishing this text on right now. And if you’re you’re interested and are willing to dive through some tech jargon, this talk by Mr. Cory Doctorow was an incredibly fascinating listen, and provides some solutions to fixing the issues from the perspective of a higher-level operation. It still contains some tidbits of info for you, if you’re concerned about how you’ll move your userbase from one platform to another with as little compromise as possible.

Now, I’ve had enough of this wistful nostalgic hopes bullshit. Next time I’ll just write a story.

#monthly blog #internet #enshittification

[sobersingularity]

Always darkest before the dawn

I haven’t been writing here lately for a very simple reason - I haven’t been sober.

The shame and embarrassment that I’ve been grappling with has been a kind of self-perpetuating cycle; it only makes me want to hide away more, which is a recipe for disaster. But, as my next phase of life spans before me on the horizon, it occurs to me that I can be learning from this painful period and maybe I can pass some of that wisdom on here, which was the original intent behind this blog.

So I’m here with my hat in hand asking to be seen, to be loved despite my faults and difficulties. I am here for radical honesty and acceptance and even consequences, whatever those may be.

I relapsed on Christmas Day, as I’ve already shared with many of you. But despite staying sober 30+ days after, I relapsed again and have struggled to maintain any kind of sustained sobriety ever since.

On the horizon is an evening Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP). It’s not my first time around; I checked myself into an IOP in 2017 some months after my Dad passed away. It was a great experience and nudged me through six months of sobriety, but I didn’t maintain a program after and so didn’t stay sober.

This time will be different - this time, I know and love my twelve-step program and will jump headfirst into it, maintaining meetings during and after IOP. The first two years of my sobriety were so life-changing and dear to me that I have no doubt that I’ll be able to reconnect in the same way again.

But first, I have to shake this off. And it’s been hard, my friends. For so many reasons - one of which is that I have some hurt feelings and resentments toward my program right now that I need to work through. But it’s not that the program stopped working, it’s that in my third year of it, I prioritized a toxic relationship over my own well-being. 

One of the major points I’ve been working on in therapy is owning my narrative and only carrying what is meant for me. I have a long history of taking on what belongs to others; of internalizing it and making it my own. By the end of last year, I was in the middle of a mental health crisis and  internalizing a narrative that I was selfish, falling short, and stagnant in my growth. 

My tender message toward myself since then has been that nothing could be further from the truth - even if I didn’t grow at the same pace I was growing before, I am constantly growing and seeking to better myself. Missteps are what make me human and they don’t make me any less worthy of kindness and respect. 

In my writing program, I once wrote some nonfiction about myself and my anger. “Your narrator,” my capstone advisor told me, “Is navigating the labyrinth of their past and finding the minotaur within.”

No statement about my writing has ever resonated more deeply, and I came to see the minotaur as my enemy - a dark, feral creature that lurked in the mazes of my mind, reminding me of a past in which I gored holes in whatever stood in my way.

But, interestingly, my therapist has encouraged me to see it a different way - I have a minotaur inside of me and it’s there, no matter what I do. But maybe I can befriend the minotaur. Maybe I can use its anger to tear holes in the narratives that don’t belong to me, tear them up until they are too small and inconsequential to internalize.

I have a past. I’ve talked about it here before, but it bears repeating: I have hurt people, deeply, irreparably. But what matters now are the choices I make today and the story I write for myself from here on. I can’t repair how I hurt those from so many years ago but I can repair myself. 

I can’t interfere with anyone else’s process or force forgiveness, but I can forgive myself, loving myself and giving myself the space to stay soft, stay vulnerable. I can ask your forgiveness, my beloved community, and let you help me the way I need to be helped. 

If there’s one thing that was reinforced for me in the past year or so, it’s that I have really good instincts when it comes to people. And the people around me now are the best of the best. The folks who showed up to bring me food after surgery. The folks who picked me up for meetings and refused to judge me when I relapsed. The folks who call me to check in, who tell me they love me unprompted. The folks I can breathe easy around - finally, breathing easy again, without anxiety or fear of punishment for leaning into my love for my friends.

I love you all more than words can say, and please don’t worry about me too much. I am confident that this is just the beginning of something brand new, a higher-than-fourth dimension, that even exceeds the beauty of my first two years of sobriety.

[abstract-moth]

I was tagged by @simuran Thank you for tagging me! This was very enjoyable to do 😊

1. Why did you choose your URL?

Okay, it’s a bit of a story and I don’t think I ever fully explained it before.

My url is based off of my ao3 user name. I had actually been writing on fanfiction.net for years before I made my ao3 account, so my ao3 name was based on the ff.net one.

When I first made my ff.net account, I had no idea what to name it. So I just copied my Bakery Story username (I don’t play the game anymore).

I only started to play Bakery Story because years ago I was volunteering at an event at my old preschool. There wasn’t actually a lot for me to do, so I quickly become bored out of my mind, and needed something to occupy my time. I needed to come up with a user name, so I looked around the room for inspiration. I remembered an art project in preschool where we made watercolor coffee filter butterflies. At the time “abstract” was once of my favorite words, so I tried the name “abstract butterfly.” This was too long, so I shortened it to “abstract moth.”

And now I really like moths. 

There is a sticker of a moth on my laptop. It helps motivate me to write.

2. Any side blogs?

Nope. I do not have the content, time, or attention span to maintain that.

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

Earlier this year, but I had been lurking for years.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

No. I do schedule posts, but this is only because my time management is terrible and if left to my own devices I would never consistently post content.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I wanted to be more active in fandoms and connect with people.

6. Why did you choose you icon/pfp?

I took the picture on vacation. The joke is that we’re all here because of “ships.”

Also I have no good pictures of moths.

7. Why did you choose your header?

This is another picture I took. Honestly, I don’t know if it is visible. Whenever I use the app I can see it just fine, but if I switch to the web browser it doesn’t show up.

Anyway, it’s supposed to be a tourist looking over a lake. I really like the ambiance of it, but I think I’m going to change it.

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

This Shadow and Bone/Six of Crows post.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

12

10. How many followers do you have?

51

11. How many people do you follow?

21

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

I don’t fully understand what a shit post is, so never intentionally.

13. How often do you use tumblr?

At least once a day.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

Nope. I find them pointless, so I avoid them whenever possible.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog” posts?

It depends on how interesting the actual post is. If the rest of the post is actually interesting, then fine I’ll reblog it. But if it isn’t, then those words alone are not going to make me reblog it.

16. Do you like tag games?

Yes. I actually enjoy them a lot, but they often take me a little while to complete.

(Every now and then I would get tagged in a post, it’ll get lost in my notifications, and I’ll forget to do it. If you tag me in a tag post and I don’t do it after like a week, feel free to send me a reminder.)

17. Do you like ask games?

Yes. Never done one though.

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I honestly do not know.

I’m tagging @mango-of-the-sea @hikarry (absolutely no pressure), and anyone else that wants to do this

#tag game #original post

[simuran]

I was tagged by @the-nonchalance-draws​ Thank you, this was interesting! :3

1. Why did you choose your URL?

Simurans are a race of benevolent sentient dogs with feathered wings from a book series I once loved, and they are inspired by Simargl, a small deity from Slavic pantheon. Idk, I just think they’re neat! Here’s one of them on a book cover:

Isn’t he a good boy!

2. Any side blogs?

Nope, I’m all here

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

I made the account a little more than a year ago, though I had been stalking checking out some blogs from time to time for maybe a year before that

4. Do you have a queue tag?

No, I don’t use queue

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I wanted to reblog all the beautiful stuff I saw so that I could find it later

6. Why did you choose you icon/pfp?

Because I love dragons, and this one looks adorable! Also I think bi pride colours are very pretty

7. Why did you choose your header?

Northern Lights remind me of my grandma who studies them, and of the small northern town I used to live in, and of Loki a little bit (because green, winter and magical, obvs), and I just love them in general. I love this header specifically because it looks like the river leads you to something mysterious and dreamlike

8. What's your post with the most notes?

Easily the post about frostiron, Mobius, and self-restraint. I’m glad to see that my sentiment is shared in fandom!

9. How many mutuals do you have?

27

10. How many followers do you have?

101

11. How many people do you follow?

106, though not all of them are active

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

I have no idea what a shit post is, and at this point I’m too afraid too ask

13. How often do you use tumblr?

I’m always here, lurking...

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

Nah, the closest thing to an argument was that time when an anon demanded to know how I can ship Thorki. But it was hardly a fight, since I answered their asks and they disappeared

Oh wait, there also was one time when I received a few anonymous suicide baits, but I’m pretty sure it was a bot

Otherwise the holy rule of “Block, Unfollow, Do Not Engage” has saved me a lot of nerves

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog" posts?

The line doesn’t really affect the probability of me reblogging the post. Or is it about the posts that are about the Likes to Reblogs ratio? If so, then I agree, reblogs are important for artists/writers/gifmakers/etc, so I try to reblog all the stuff I like (in a love-like sense, not in a button-like sense. Gosh, English is confusing sometimes)

16. Do you like tag games?

Very much so!

17. Do you like ask games?

Yes, a lot! I wish my mutuals reblogged more ask games, so that I could get to know them better

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Eeeeeeeeemmm

Idk, maybe @the-maidofmischief​? They make awesome icons and receive requests fairly often, so I guess it counts?

And then of course @ikol-cosplay​ who is AMAZING at cosplaying Loki (even though they aren’t as active as they used to be)

I’m tagging @warriorpersephone​ @the-maidofmischief​ @abstract-moth​ @thelightofthingshopedfor​ @belligerentmistletoe​ and anyone who wants to join! (As usual, no pressure ❤️)

#Posts by me #tag game #the-nonchalance-draws

[nikatyler]

random questions game

Tagged by @kbeesims. Thank you very much! I’m taking a break from studying rn, so let’s do this.

1. why did you choose your url?

Nika is actually one of the first things I’ve ever called myself as a kid and last year I decided to sort of “reclaim” this old nickname and start using it again in online places and I’m surprised by how right it feels.

As for Tyler, well. I think it’s obvious. In my head he’s the main character of this blog, the mascot, if you will. And also, and this is a bit embarrassing, but about a month or two ago I saw this post that was like “changing names shouldn’t be such a big deal, we expect trans people to do it if they’re uncomfortable with their birth name, but we should normalize EVERYONE changing their names if they’re not okay with it” (or something along these lines). And well, I like my name, but I thought, what if I didn’t like it, what would I pick instead. Immediately, this one popped up in my head. Yeah. I mean it makes sense to me, but it feels so dumb at the same time. So yeah. I guess if you called me Tyler, I would respond to it. I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that I would respond to it, but hey. It’s weird but it would work.

2. any sideblogs? name them and why you have them.

The only one that is still active is my cc finds blog @simmeronnie-cc (yes I need to rename it too, we’ll do that). I don’t really post on my sort-of-studyblr-but-more-like-a-rantblr sideblog or my simspiration blog anymore. Among other things, I rant on twitter again (@/nikatyler22 if anyone’s interested), and I need to bring back the simspo tag on this blog.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

Almost five years. I refuse to believe that.

4. do you have a queue tag?

I do. Well, I schedule my posts manually, I don’t queue them (because earlier this year I noticed it would eat at least one post a day, so I stopped using it), but still. I don’t know what I’d do without this function haha

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

There was this blog that did this really cool comic with very pretty characters. That’s what convinced me lol, even though my content has never been like theirs.

6. why did you choose your icon?

Because Tyler lol

7. why did you choose your header?

Because Tyler and Sharon and I want to have what they have dAMMIT

But I might change the picture for the one I posted yesterday, you know, the awkward one

8. whats your post with the most notes?

That would be the pride paints post I believe!

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I don’t know, but a lot I think? At least in the simple sense of “I follow you and you follow me.” I never counted it. I’m not sure how many people would actually consider me their mutual or online friend or something like that. I hope someone would haha

10. how many followers do you have?

Over 2 000. What the heck. I mean, not many people are actually active and I think most of them don’t even lurk, but it’s still a pretty cool number

11. how many people do you follow?

I checked and it’s 183. I can’t realistically keep up with all of them but at the same time I’d feel bad for unfollowing any of them

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

My entire blog is a big shitpost tbh, and I wouldn’t have it any other way ✌✨

13. how often do you use tumblr a day?

I usually keep the tab open all day and just check it from time to time. I’m not counting

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Oooooh boy

Yes. I was dumb, okay? Very dumb.

15.  how do you feel about “you need to reblog” posts?

Those scared me when I was younger, I remember I couldn’t sleep when I was like 8 and saw one of those “repost this or you’ll die in 7 days” pictures. Now I’m okay with them, I just scroll past. Usually. Sometimes I still get nervous. Don’t post them, guys. You can really hurt people with anxiety and similar issues.

16. do you like tag games?

Y E S

17. do you like ask games?

Y E S   Y E S   Y E S   PLEASE SEND ME ASKS

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

One that immediately comes to my mind is @berrysweetboutique. I can’t believe such a big simblr is following me and seeing my daily pixel clownery on their dash :D

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

I don’t, but back in the day, I used to sort of put some simblrs on pedestals and then act in a way that I thought they would like, if that makes sense, and I was really insecure about what they would think, and if we started talking I was so worried I’d say or do something wrong and it was all in all not a great experience. I know it’s not a crush in the romantic sense, but it reminds me of how sometimes you’d go and try to impress a crush and change yourself so that they like you too. I guess they were sort of crushes in the sense of “oh wow this person is so amazing and perfect, I’m so little next to them, they could probably never love me the same way I love them”. Anyway, once you let go of that mentality and just start doing whatever, without trying to impress anyone...oh that freedom is sweet.

Sorry, went off topic here 😅

20. tags?

I’m just gonna tag whoever wants to do this, go make another cup of coffee and go back to my 19th century poetry 😄

#tags #about me

[prince-of-elsinore]

I was tagged by @stanfordsweater for this getting to know you game. Thanks so much for the tag! 😊💕 There’s a clean copy at the end for people who want to do this.

1. why did you choose your url?

It was already my user name on AO3 (and maybe some other sites, can't recall) and I wanted consistency across platforms (since I joined tumblr for fandom). And here's the pretentious part: if you didn't know, it's a reference to Hamlet, which is one of my favorite written works ever. Elsinore is the name of the castle where it takes place, so the prince of Elsinore is Hamlet ^^;

2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

I have two, though I'm not gonna name them lol (they're not exactly secret but they're old news). When I first joined I wanted my main to be not totally fandom-dominated (whoops so much for that) so I made a side blog for my main fandom at the time (Hetalia), where I now reblog fanart every once in a blue moon. And I made another side blog for my fic. I still occasionally post on the fic blog but since my main is now basically completely spn anyway, I've just been posting my spn fic on main.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

Since... 2012, I think? But not consistently. I hadn't used tumblr much in years before last fall and even considered deleting my blog multiple times, but spn ending (and the pandemic) brought me back stronger than ever ^^;

4. do you have a queue tag?

#q  (i'm lazy and it's just quickest that way 🙈)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

If only I could remember... Well, it was for fandom (mostly--also some history blogging) but I don't remember the specific impetus. As mentioned my main fandom was Hetalia at the time, and within that mostly German bros stuff. I also distinctly remember lurking on a lot of Sherlock blogs prior to joining 😬(my how tastes things change)

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It's a Leyendecker illustration! I love his work so so much (so many dapper men, so much homoeroticism 👌). The piece is Easter-themed and I don't actually know why I chose it. This fop is a far cry from his usual suave dudes, but idk, I guess I liked how ott and fancy it is. It also matched the old flowery aesthetic of my blog before I changed the theme.

7. why did you choose your header?

Lol ok so that's a photo I took (on my first visit maybe?) at Sans Souci palace in Potsdam, Germany. It was the residence of Frederick the Great, King of Prussia, who--as anyone will know if they remember my blog days of yore--is my favorite historical figure! The glove is not mine. I found it like that :)

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

As I suspected, this one I made defending Jared's "controversial" comments post-finale. Sort of funny because I'm not even a Jared stan 🤷‍♂️

9. how many mutuals do you have?

No idea

10. how many followers do you have?

Just passed 550, which I know isn't many relatively speaking but wow I certainly never expected to see the day! I've gained about 300 followers since I started posting about spn, which utterly baffles me, but hey I'm glad if you guys are enjoying yourselves!

11. how many people do you follow?

Oh, wow, I just looked and it's over 1,000 😳 I guess b/c over the years I've gone on multiple following sprees and only unfollow if people really really annoy me or if I just get really tired of their content (I do continue to follow a lot of people who post about fandoms I'm not in). I feel like I usually see the same <50 blogs on my dash, though, so I'm guessing about 900 of the blogs I follow must be completely inactive lol.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Yes 🙃

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Varies. Over the past months I would check it every hour or more, felt like (not v conducive to getting work done orz). Recently (due to being away from my computer more often, now that the semester and my old job are finished) only a couple times a day, mostly at night.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

Hm, not really. Nothing more than a couple snarky or passive-aggressive asks, and not for years (aside from that anon anti hate I got sort of recently--my first ever! I would say I win that one by default, y'know, just for not being the person sending anon hate). I did get into a pretty drawn-out debate with a Dean stan about Dean's death and Jared's comments on it--see above--but I wouldn't classify it as an argument.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Very Tired and skeptical

16. do you like tag games?

Yes they're great! Always make me smile (even if I don't participate I always appreciate the tag!) 😊

17. do you like ask games?

Yes, although I have to be careful about posting them because while I love getting asks in theory, getting them means I have to answer them! And I tend to be very slow at that because I want to put so much thought into it! (Send me asks any time, really! Might just take me forever to respond ^^;) ((Oh gosh this reminds me I still never finished some headcanon asks I got aaages ago. Maybe someday...))

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I don't have a good sense of what constitutes tumblr famous. My fave blogs are all stars in my eyes 🤩😇

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Haha no. Maybe with a few I just have a little cherished hope that they think I'm cool and smart 🥺

20. tags?

Hmm I pick @theregoestheneighbourhood, @doilycoffin, @decadent-prince, and @fallcolorspringrapid if you want to!!

clean copy:

1. why did you choose your url?

2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

4. do you have a queue tag?

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

7. why did you choose your header?

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

9. how many mutuals do you have?

10. how many followers do you have?

11. how many people do you follow?

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

16. do you like tag games?

17. do you like ask games?

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

20. tags?

#that was fun thanks ava! #about me #tag game

[srbachchan]

DAY 4462

Jalsa, Mumbai                      May 25/26,  2020                  Mon/Tue 9:16 AM

Birthday - EF  Rasika Shashikant .. Jaspreet Singh .. Tuesday, May 26 .. love and the joys of celebration for the birthday .. happiness ever .. from the entire Ef ..🌹🌹

Oye .. have you written the Blog .. no not yet .. why .. was busy doing something else .. like what .. err , was watching an inspiring series .. ya so .. so in the middle of it .. yes .. in the middle of it I dozed off .. you dozed off in the middle .. yaa .. so it couldn't have been very interesting .. no no it was , but .. but what .. but , I don’t know , just dozed off .. so .. so because it was interesting I felt I had missed out during those portions when I was .. was what .. err , dozing .. ya so .. so i .. yes go on .. so i rewound and tried to catch what I had missed .. 

are you mad !! I mean who does that .. sorry just happened .. such a convenient word .. sorry .. ok I heard you .. thanks .. what thanks , get up and write the ruddy blog .. ayee , don’t call it ‘ruddy’ yaar , its very pure for me .. yes i understand but i was not ’ruddying’ the blog , i was just - its a way of speaking .. ok ok am going .. good .. get on with it , its almost 10 am of the next day ..

Essentials done .. open the curtains put off the conditioning , get the gear on for the gym .. light the ‘agar batties’ and the ‘dhoop’ circulate them to the various areas of the surrounding .. get the smell of the divine .. the joss sticks ever do that .. never ever tried to find out why they be called ‘joss’ .. why cannot the original Indian name be an accepted name world wide .. its an issue with me .. every time we describe something in the Indian name or pronounce, there is the immediate demand of ‘whats it called in English’ or in the language of the Country it is being spoken in .. 

are bhaiya .. agar batti agar batti hai .. aap use agar batti hi kahiye .. ok  ;;;; 

अरे भैया , अगर बत्ती अगर बत्ती है , आप उसे अगर बत्ती ही कहिए ,, ठीक है  !

Alright done with that little regional patriotic formality .. getting on ..

Found out where and how it be called ‘joss’ .. its pidgin English derived from Chinese .. (they seem to be every where these days)  .. pardón .. pun unintended .. its a word from apparently a Chinese idol .. like Godly idol .. whooaaaa .. !!!!

that must have been a long long time ago .. cant imagine it coming from recent years .. err , recent ‘commie’ years .. no dis respect meant .. just a shorter form for communist .. an abbreviation developed in the 40′s they say ..

Ya so where was I .. haaan .. so at the desk .. lights on .. the 2 lamps from left and right .. ideally should be from the right for the English alphabet writing .. and the left for the Arabic alphabet writing .. what ..? why you smiling on this .. its the shadow issue yaar .. English alpha bet written from left to right .. if light is also on left the shadow falls on the right before you can construct an alphabet .. and vice versa .. got it .. 

Now the smarties out there may ask but ‘Blogmaestre’ you are typing the Blog ..!

Exactly ‘smarty pants’ .. 2 lights because both hands .. sorry both fingers are being used, which travel to the left and right of the board .. the key board .. and the shadows fall on either side .. so the double lighting to diffuse the shadow on either side .. diffuse right , not getting rid of .. that is not possible .. because :

... where there is light there is shadow .. !!

aree wah .. kya dailogue maara .. no ..?

That be the theme of the DAY .. where there is light there is shadow .. every time there be light there shall be a shadow .. no light no shadow .. no darker replication without the onset of the brightness of light ..

Where there be the sunlight of success, there shall be the lurking shadow of  failure .. get out of the light and failure goes .. but so does success , buddy !!

learn to live with it .. it is attached, never shall be detached .. a grey reminder that it is permanent .. never exact in its shape and form, but there, ever and always .. keep an eye on it .. and continue ..

Short .. quick .. rapid .. speed ..

they be the format in these modern generation times for everything .. the way they talk the way they wish to eat the way they want to communicate the way they wish to be entertained the way they dress ... 

.. its all minimal ..

.. save time .. save cost .. get on to accommodate more in the saved time ..

HENCE , for the profess of the likes of moi .. keep it short sweet and adjustable to convenience .. 

Entertainment ..

Huge discussion on these days after the announce of GiBoSiBo on digital .. many voices against .. many alright .. 

Sudhir Ef makes a point in his deliberation :

When Henry Ford introduced the private car in the US, the last lot of horse-carriages in London gave polished gold-plated elegance to the cart, more sturdy horses, less rents and cushioned comforts.. all in order to compete with the car... didn't work... the horses had to leave the street... I believe, the earliest forms of entertainment began with music, humor, athletics, and performing animals... हमारे गाँव में एक बुगु-बुगु आता था... एक सजा-सजाया बैल लेकर उसका मालिक आता था.. तब गाय और बैल के मिथुन का ऋतु श्रावण माह के आस-पास होता था... खेतों में हल जोतना वर्ष में दो बार, मिथुन एक माह... शेष नौ महिने उस बैल को कोई काम नहीं होता था... इसलिए मनोरंजन और विज्ञापन... कोई एक सदस्य उस बैल को गाँव के हर घर के दर्शन करवाता... और वह कितना पालतू है ये बताने के लिए वह मालिक उसे ऊँचे स्वर में कुछ कहता... जिसे सुनकर वह बैल हाँ या ना के संकेत में सिर हिलाता... बच्चों के लिए मनोरंजन हो जाता और घर की महिलाएँ अनुमान करती थी कि ये बैल अपने गायों के लिए कैसा रहेगा... बैल एक सप्ताह मिथुन के लिए किराए पर मिलते थे... (जंगली बैल को संस्कृत में 'गौर' कहते हैं... जैसे द्युत में द्रौपदी को हारने के बाद पाँड़वों का अपमान करते हुए दुर्योधन कहता हैं, "गौर इति गौर इति..." (बैल हैं बैल है... अपने पत्नी को दाँव पे लगाया...)... ऊर्दू में गौर करने का अर्थ अलग होता है...) मुझे याद है, मैंने एक बुगु-बुगु बैल से पूछा था, 'क्या परीक्षा से पहले मेरा गणित शिक्षक मरेगा...?'... बैल ने सिर हिलाकर कहा, 'नहीं...' --- मेरे बचपन में प्राणियों के खेल आम थे... हाथी, बैल, साँप, बंदर, मंगूस, भालू... दूर देशों से लम्हानी आते थे... गली-गली घर-घर जाकर खेल दिखाते थे... फिर पौराणिक नाटक होते थे... थिएटर की जरूरत नहीं थी... कहीं भी किसी भी खुली जगह पर उनका प्रयोग होता था... प्रेक्षकों को पैसे देने का बन्धन नहीं था - जो दे उसका भला, जो ना दे उसका भी भला... इन नाटकों के कई प्रकार थे... हर प्रदेश में अलग... तमाशा, लावणी, यक्षगान, भरतनाट्यम, ये आटम वो आटम... आटम यानि खेल... फिर माध्यम बदल गया... सिनेमा के यंत्र बने... तब मनोरंजन की परिभाषा ही बदल गई... --- ये बात इसलिए कह रहाँ हूँ कि आज माध्यम बदलने जा रहा है...आपको भी मनोरंजन की परिभाषा बदलने का अवसर मिला है... Let's not decorate the horse-carriages with polished gold... Time to reinvent entertainment... Hmm... I'll take the rest of my musing offline... the subject is too creative for an off-hand comment... 🙂

WHERE THERE IS LIGHT THERE IS SHADOW .. 🙏

Amitabh Bachchan

[captainscanadian]

Reputation | Bucky Barnes x Reader (Part 1)

My Masterlist

Summary: Freshman year was all about the failed friendships. Sophomore year was all about the lack of a social life. Junior year was supposed to be about focusing on school, until Bucky Barnes came along.

Word Count: 3245

Pairing: College!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: SMUT (18+), FUCKBOI BUCKY, MINORS FUCK OFF!

A/N: Reputation, as a title, was heavily inspired by Taylor Swift’s iconic album of the same name. This is my entry for @buckysmischief​‘s 1K Writing Challenge. I know I’m a few days late but I started a fic with smut in the first chapter so... it took some time to perfect it. I’d like to thank my boo @baezen​ for being a good beta and for the constant love. Lastly, the reason why this whole fic (and my blog itself) exists in the first place was because I was reading @i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend​‘s College AUs and wanted to write one of my own. It’s been 11 months since then and I finally did it. This fic is an unofficial AU of my own fic, Better, but you don’t have to have read it to read this fic. Same characters, but they meet in a completely different time of their lives, under completely different circumstances. Better!Bucky is back, but he’s at NYU now. I DON’T OWN THE GIF & I DON’T DO TAGLISTS.

Whoever made the claim that college was the place where one would meet their lifelong friends was most definitely the biggest moron on this planet. You firmly believed that when you first arrived at NYU two years ago. Leaving your small town just outside of Philadelphia for the Big Apple, you had so many hopes and dreams when you got here. Education was your priority, but you had been so eager to meet new people and try new things just as much. After all, it’s all anyone who knew had told you. College is the place where you would meet your lifelong friends. 

Bullshit. It was all bullshit. 

Freshman year was all about newfound friendships. New kids huddled together in an unfamiliar environment, leaning on each other because being on your own for the first time in your lives was not easy. It was inevitable. It was human nature. A new environment meant the search for a sense of belonging. You had found that for yourself too.

A large group of friends, all ten of you being freshmen, you would claim one of the large round tables in the dining hall after your late afternoon biology lab. You ate, you talked, and you walked back to your dorms together. It became a ritual. But expecting that this kind of ritual would last until the end of your undergrad was a naive judgement to make.

By the end of that year, half of your friends had managed to switch to a different program and found another group of people to hang out with. The ones that remained in your group had managed to join their preferred extra-curricular activities and made more friends who shared the same interests. While you did manage to find the time to volunteer with the UNICEF chapter on campus, you hadn’t managed to make any close friends from that.

Sophomore year was to be the loneliest of years. The one friend you thought you would have for life had managed to ditch you for her sorority sisters – not that you had a problem with that. Your friendship had been hanging on a loose thread for a while before it came to a rather abrupt end. People grew up within the first two years of college, and people who grew up also grew apart from each other. It was inevitable. Margaret Sykes was also a complete fucking moron as she was, but that’s a story for another time.

Now in your junior year, you were starting to get back into the swing of things. After landing an on-campus job as an office assistant, you were hoping to keep yourself busy with your full-time course load. No time for fake friends, or real ones at that. You were finally moving on with your life, leaving behind those who had left you behind for good. After all, college was also supposed to be the best time of your life even without those lifelong friends. You might as well make the most out of the experience and build yourself a career.

It was the weekend before classes were to begin, and you found yourself sitting alone in the dining hall with a slice of pizza that was now getting cold. Having picked up your textbooks from the campus bookstore earlier that day, you decided to grab a bite before you would retreat to your dorm room for the remainder of the night. Perhaps you could get a head start on your readings.

Your lack of a social life seemed to be a blessing when it came to how you had planned ahead for the semester. When you weren’t working or volunteering, you would be studying and sleeping. One thing you had learned the hard way from your years of pulling all nighters – they did not work for you as they did to most people.  Micro-planning might just be the way to survive the next two years.

From the corner of your eyes, you could see a large group of friends sitting at the same table you used to sit at during your freshman year. You could not help but roll your eyes, an exasperated sigh escaped your lips. Naive freshmen, you assumed they were. They’d learn the harsh truth in the next few months.

You took a bite of your pizza slice as you looked out the window that you had been sitting by. The breathtaking view of Washington Square Park reminded you of your first day in New York when you had stepped out of your dorm room to take a stroll. The summery weather of New York City had brought students, tourists and locals alike to the heart of campus. You loved this city and campus for how lively it was – a true multicultural land of opportunity.

New York had become home to you in the last two years, despite the dull memories of lost friendships. Moving to New York had been the right thing to do for your education. NYU really was the place for students to be. You had no concerns about the academics here as you did the social aspects of your life. But you wondered if you really wanted to stay in the city after graduation. You had no reason to stay, no one to hold you down in the Big Apple. Moving back to your parents’ house in Philadelphia was an option for you. Your father had been hoping that you would return home after graduation and take over the family business from him, but you wanted to do more than just blindly follow in your parents’ footsteps.  

Speaking of footsteps, the sound of someone approaching your corner table made you turn back from the window. Your eyes landed on a familiar pair of blue ones, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips as you recognized the dark haired man who was walking up to you. He donned black skinny jeans and a red Henley, his long brown hair parted down the middle. It was a few inches longer than the last time you had seen him. A part of you had often wondered how hard it must have been to maintain those luscious locks of his. The shine and volume alone put the ladies to shame.

 “James.”

James Barnes, or Bucky as he was referred as by his closest friends, had been your neurobiology tutor during your freshman year. After failing your first quiz on the effects of dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin on the brain, you had approached your professor in desperate need of help. You needed to pass that class in order to complete your degree and failing your first quiz was not a great start to your freshman year. But you had been so determined back then to succeed academically. You still were.

Professor Van Dyne had been gracious enough to assign one of her best upper year students to help you get your grades back up. According to her, James was the teacher’s pet in the biology department and the best person to study with. His photographic memory had allowed him to maintain a consistent 4.0 GPA since his freshman year. As impressive as that sounded, his reputation precedes him. He was known around campus, or at least within the biology students, as the Casanova of New York University.

Rumours across the Greek life circuit on campus – Bucky was the resident fuckboy. It was an untold truth around NYU that he had slept with at least one person in every sorority. According to Margaret, one of the sororities even included having a one-night stand with Bucky as part of their initiation. He was apparently the best night anyone could ever have, and even if he never called any one of his flings back, he would still be found lurking around the next party and leaving with someone else later that night. It was apparently a rite of passage - a rite of passage that you had managed to avoid for as long as you had.

“Hey, doll.” He pulled the chair across from you before sitting down at the table. “Long time, no see...”

You raised your eyebrow at him as you set your pizza slice back down on your plate. Picking up a napkin to wipe your mouth and hands, you shrugged your shoulders at him. “What do you want, James?” You asked him, holding up your hand before he could answer the question. You had known him along enough to know what he was going to say. “I know, it’s been two years since I took my first year neurobiology class. And no, you don’t have to show me how oxytocin affects the human brain.”

“You’re really going to break my heart like that, Y/N?” He asked, feigning hurt with a dramatic sigh as he bought his hand up to his chest.

You rolled your eyes at him, laughing softly before shaking your head. He’ll never learn. “Why are you even here right now? I thought you graduated last year.”  

“Hey, just because I’ve graduated... summa cum laude, by the way, it doesn’t mean that I’m not welcome here.” Bucky remarked with a smirk plastered across his lips. “I have my own reasons for being here. You don’t own this campus, you know?”

You crossed your arms against your chest, still not breaking eye contact with him. There was no way you would fall for his charm. You had not done so in freshman year or sophomore year and you were not planning on doing it now. “Enlighten me.”

“Did Steve not mention that I got into NYU Med?” He asked you, his smirk not leaving his face.

Steve Rogers was Bucky’s best friend since childhood and the former president of the UNICEF chapter on campus. You had volunteered together for a few charity fundraisers over the years, but you were not as close to him as Bucky was. “Why would he have a reason to mention it?” You asked him as you leaned forward in your seat. “I would have placed my bets on you going to Columbia with him, if I’m being honest. You two seemed to be so inseparable. I can’t believe you just ditched him like that and let him take off.” 

It was true. Bucky and Steve were inseparable. After all, they had grown up together since they were young kids. They were always together on campus, having taken a majority of their classes together. It was so rare to see one of them without the other. 

“And did you really think that would impress me so much that I would actually end up sleeping with you?”

“Why?” He asked, almost in a whisper as he leaned forward in his seat. “Is it working?”

As the sun was finally setting over the New York City skyline, you found yourself perched up naked against a penthouse window in Brooklyn. The view from up here was much more breathtaking than the view of Washington Square Park from the dining hall window. But that was not the reason why you were so out of breath now. You were panting for air as you stared at the reflection of the man who stood behind you. After a heated make out session from Greenwich Village to Brooklyn, you wound up undressed in his bedroom that had a view like no other. 

“I can’t believe that actually worked on me... you obnoxious asshole.” Your heart was pounding out of your bare chest as you felt the moisture trickle down your inner thighs, and you tilted your head back.

Bucky had a smug look on his face, one that was filled with just as much lust as it was filled with pure satisfaction. You had finally fallen for his charm, after two years of fighting it. He had seen the way you glanced at him every time he volunteered with you and Steve. He knew that you must have felt attracted towards him, even though you denied it every time he had brought it up.

 He licked his lips as he gently pulled you towards him, turning you around so that he could kiss you on the lips rather roughly. “Playing hard to get doesn't suit you, doll.” His hands grasped your bare ass before his fingers slipped between your folds slick with your arousal. “You want me so badly, don’t you, Y/N? Don’t lie to me now. Your soaking pussy speaks the truth.”

You bit down on your bottom lip as you trembled to find the right words to say, your cheeks growing hot as did the rest of your body. A soft moan slipped out of you as you felt his cold fingers slide right into your entrance, sending shivers up your spine as you forgot how to stand still. You felt defeated by your own desires, having given in to his advances after fighting it for so long. You really thought you could get through your entire undergrad without being yet another one-night stand on James Barnes’ tally. But tonight, your strike was added to the drawing board with the rest of them. 

“Are you going to keep talking or are you going to fuck me like you fucked every fucking sorority sister on campus?” You gasped. “They all say that you’re the best night they’ve ever had, Barnes. I won’t believe it until I have proof.” You asked him as you began to unbutton his Henley.

“Getting desperate, are we? You made me wait a few years for this, doll. I’d have to make you wait a little longer now than a few minutes.” He was such a tease. “I didn’t fuck Margaret Sykes though.” He pointed out, a teasing look on his face as he pulled his fingers out of you and motioned you towards his bed. “You two were close in freshman year, weren’t you? And then last year, you purged your Instagram of any photos of her. I noticed.”

You rolled your eyes at his mention of your former best friend, lying back in his bed as you still tugged on his Henley. He was fully clothed while you were naked and exposed – the power that he had over you now, it was astonishing. But you could not deny how desperate you were for him. After all, your own body had lost that fight against your attraction towards this man. 

“Don’t bring up that bitch when I’m lying naked on your bed, James.” You told him, shaking your head at him. “If I could purge my own brain of any memories of her, I would.”

He chuckled as he sat down at the edge of his bed, his large hands firmly holding your thighs apart. “You act as though Margaret was the Antonio to your Bassanio, Y/N. It’s not like she would have cut out a pound of her flesh for you if you were ever in debt.” His bright eyes glanced down at your soaking core, his tongue peaking through his parted lips at the sight of just how aroused you were. He liked that he had such an effect on your body, knowing that you were attracted to him as he was attracted to you despite having known each other for years now. He pulled at your folds to get a glimpse of your throbbing clit, brushing his thumb over it in a quick teasing manner as he watched for your reaction.  

“I wouldn’t have taken you for a guy who reads Shakespeare.” You told him, giggling softly as you placed your arms above your head. It was a sign of you giving him full control of this ordeal; let him do what he was known to do best. After all, he did have a reputation. “But I think it’s so fucking hot that you do.” 

Another moan as you felt his thumb over your clit; you bit down on your lips not to make any noise. Bucky had warned you that Steve’s bedroom was just down the hall from his and the last thing you wanted was to have an awkward run-in with the blonde haired man who had taught you all about volunteering for charitable organizations for the duration of your undergrad.

“I can recite Hamlet’s soliloquy in its entirety while I fuck you, if you would like me to.” He joked, his fingers now drenched with your wetness as he slipped them through your entrance once again. His thumb rubbing circles on your clit as his eyes watched eagerly for your reaction.

“To fuck or not to fuck... that is the question.” You laughed at your own joke before looking up at him, rather seductively, your left hand pinching your swollen nipples as you began to feel the pain between your thighs relieve with his touch. Moaning once again as he slipped another finger inside of you. “Oh fuck, James... you really want to waste your time reciting Shakespeare with me when you could be putting that mouth to better use? What even happened... to your so called reputation of... being the best night everyone’s ever had?”

Bucky chuckled softly as he continued to finger you for another moment, pulling them out only to remove his Henley. “Desperate.” He pointed out with a wink, unbuttoning his jeans and taking them off as well. “Is that what they’ve all been saying about me now?”

“Are you telling me.... that you’re unaware of your own reputation, James?” You asked him as you sat up against his headboard, feeling the moisture between your legs now seeping through the clear white sheets on his bed as you gasped for air. “Your reputation... precedes you.”

He walked to his nightstand to retrieve a condom, hand slipping below the waistband of his boxers to slowly stroke his cock. A tantalising smirk played on his lips. “Well then, why... don’t we... put an end to it?” He asked you, pulling down his boxers to reveal his half-hard cock.

Your eyes perked up at his length. “Damn...” You gasped. “They really weren’t lying.”

James Barnes raised his eyebrow at you before tossing the condom at you. “Do the honors, doll?”

“Don’t mind if I do.” You giggled, rolling over in bed so that you could reach him. Your hand wrapped around his manhood before stroking him until he was fully erect.

Bucky hissed at the feel of your touch against his length, shaking his head at you. “Desperate.”

Removing the condom from the package, you put it on him before you looked up to meet his lusty eyes. “Are you saying that you’re not desperate for me at all, Barnes?” You asked him before you pulled yourself on all fours, moving your hair out of the way.

“Two years was a long time, doll.” He admitted, his hands caressing your ass before he let himself slip though your entrance. He took his time to position himself, not wanting to hurt you in any way. “Let me know if you feel like I’m going too fast or you need me to stop, okay? I don’t want to hurt you.”

You nodded, eagerly. “Just fuck me already, James!”

“Desperate.”

Whoever made the claim that college was the place where one would meet their lifelong friends was most definitely the biggest moron on this planet. College was the place where one would have the best sex they ever had, and Bucky Barnes really did live up to his reputation that night.

#gabs1kwritingchallenge #reputation #aj writes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes smut #Better!Bucky #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n

[lavendertwilight89]

Evergreen

IT’S HERE! IT’S DONE! THANK THE GODS!!!!!

This was something I originally just did a drabble on and then... well... ended up as an out of control monstersity of 26 freakin’ pages. It’s based off this original post and artwork by @heavenin--hell

Thank you to @superpixie42 and @sapphirestarxx as always for reading my dumpster work 

@dangerouspompadour this will be the universe your b-day gift takes place in

@dangerouspompadour @lemonlushff @willowandfog @cstormsinukagblog @keichanz @littlestuffstohide @clearwillow  @ruddcatha @hnnwnchstr @smmahamazing @wolverine1092  @inuyashaloverforever @xfangheartx @umacaking @bluejay785  @murdergiraffe @faulkner-blog

ALSO POSTED HERE ON MY AO3

ENJOYYYYYYYYYYYY

“What an arrogant, selfish, son of a–UGH! Like he has any right to say ANYTHING!!!!” Kagome seethed.

“Miss Kagome, the master means well,” Myouga tried to soothe the young woman about Inuyasha’s attitude towards her attire.

“You mean ‘means well’ as him being a crazy, overprotective, wordy, arrogant, prick?!”

“Miss Kagome, how much do you truly know about demons?” Myouga asked.

“Well as much as my research has told me, which unfortunately isn’t a lot compared to what I’ve learned just by being with Inuyasha for the past couple weeks. I mean, I just learned demons are actually in hiding when we had believed them to be instinct! It’s incredible! My actual professor is a demon!”

“Well, allow me to–ahem–share some things with you about inu-youkai in particular.”

“‘Dog demons’?”

“Preciously. That is the lineage of which my master Inuyasha is derived from.”

“Well I knew that from the way he snarls, growls, and basically barks,” she added rolling her eyes laughing at her own joke.

“Inu-youkai make perfect Guardians because they typically… find one person they wish to protect, and they latch on. They become overly protective of their uhm… ‘Chosens’, if you will. When Inu-youkai bred, their sons or daughters were often picked to become Guardians because their heritage made them perfect protectors. If they trained hard enough, they would be granted a member of the royal lineage to protect. There, of course, were other demons who also became Guardians such as ookami and kitsune.”

“But wasn’t his Chosen killed five-hundred years ago? Didn’t she seal him away? The guy doesn’t even know why… And why would he suddenly be so assertive in protecting me from a guy I happen to work with? I’m obviously not his Chosen or whatever. There’s no reason for me to have a Guardian. He just mistook me for her when I accidentally woke him up. Why is he still insistent he, I don’t know, follow me around like a guard dog? You just said they latch on to their Chosens, so obviously he’s just being crazy!”

Myouga sighed. He knew the young girl knew and felt more than she was letting on. If anything, she was just trying to save her young heart… The master was stubborn and after everything that happened five-hundred years ago, he couldn’t blame him. But he also knew his master was foolish, and Kikyo was not his actual Chosen… He could only hope his master could come to terms with his instincts before the damage he caused the poor girl was irreversible. 

Clearing his throat, he informed the young woman, “Youkai do not choose their Chosens; their Chosens are picked for them and I do not mean by the council. Just because they are given a royal member to protect, that did not make them their Chosen.”

“Wait, I’m confused–what–”

“Chosens are picked by a demon’s internal instincts, Miss Kagome. Once they have picked, they cannot let go.”

“I’m still confused; what does that have to do with me?”

“Sigh, you will learn soon, Miss Kagome. I am unfortunately not allowed to give any further information; I can only hope the master will be more forthcoming in time…” Myouga couldn’t give her anything else. Not until his master was ready. While the young miss was intelligent, he knew she had not caught the double meaning of the word Chosen. It had meant a mate, in the terms of youkai culture and for humans, a mortal a guard would protect. It was not Myouga’s place to tell the young woman that Kikyo had been his ward in a sense, but not his mate. His mate was Kagome and Kagome alone.

She thought quietly to herself on their walk to the museum to meet Hojo; she obviously had much more to learn from Inuyasha and she grew more determined in that moment that she would be pursuing that knowledge whether he chose to give it or not. It had been a couple weeks since she had awoken the half-demon. He was striking… handsome… daring… She bit her lip at the thoughts that his body stirred within her. It was embarrassing to be that attracted to someone she honestly didn’t know much about. But she also really admired him. Intellectually, he was a very fast learner. Stubborn. Quick to anger. Loyal. Ugh! He drove her crazy! What sucked was it sometimes was in a good way…

He had told her very little about his past. Bare minimum to be exact. She gathered from his experience of being sealed, he was very distrusting given that his last Chosen, Kikyo, claimed he betrayed her. She sealed him as punishment and when he awoke, she was gone—and Kagome was in her place. He mistook her for Kikyo because they looked so similar and he tried to just serve her, but she could tell how much he loathed it. It was rather annoying. 

After things had been cleared up and he finally realized she wasn’t his master or whatever he thought she was, he seemed lost. Distant. Irritable. He didn’t want to divulge more and basically always looked at her out the side of his eyes in a… securable kind of way. Like he was studying her. Anytime she asked him what was wrong he would grunt and turn away. That in itself was maddening.

Honestly, she felt bad for the guy; obviously something happened between Kikyo and him… maybe he was more than just her Guardian maybe they were…in love. She was what he referred to as his Chosen. 

But that was five-hundred years ago. Then again, to him it was a month ago. She resembled Kikyo, sure. Myouga even mistook her for the old priestess. That was probably half of the problem of why he couldn’t actually move on with his life. She was familiar to him but at the same time not. He made sure to rub her face in how unlike his former Chosen she was. Good. Fine. Whatever. She didn’t want to be like her anyway. She had been perfectly fine, living her life for the past twenty-three years without him anyway. She didn’t need to be reminded that she wasn’t… anybody else. She was Kagome; a student at the university, hand-picked by Totosai to explore the tombs to study the materials to prepare for her master’s thesis… She didn’t need to be anybody else for someone to fall in love with her.

Wait a—why did her thoughts go there?! They’d only known each other for a month! He hated her—yea sure, he protected her when those demons came alive at the museum, but he still felt it was his sworn duty to his master, Chosen, whatever Kikyo was to him. Sigh. She was pathetic. Maybe she should have just accepted Hojo’s proposal to be courted. She wasn’t getting any younger. She was too different from other women in this era anyway. The twenties were so...blah. She didn’t want to be a good little housewife. She preferred pants to dresses, research to makeup, and spoke her mind rather than kept quiet. Hojo might be what she needed to accept; but she definitely felt torn because now she knew what it was like to desire someone. To have some weird but magical pull towards someone she barely knew but couldn’t help wanting to learn everything about. But she knew that would never happen. He obviously had no desire other than to make her life and job a living hell. He… loved Kikyo. Kikyo was his Chosen. Not her. Not regular plain old boring Kagome. Just as Myouga said, ‘Chosens’ are picked by instinct. And his Chosen was gone.

What she didn’t realize as she was lost in her thoughts was someone lurking in the shadows behind her as she entered the museum to meet Hojo for the fundraiser. Someone who was not Inuyasha.

“What is wrong with that girl?” he asked himself, still sitting in the room where Kagome left him. Didn’t she realize by now he was supposed to protect her? Did their first run in at the museum teach her literally nothing?!

“Gods she’s just a–” he couldn’t finish that thought. The past couple of weeks had proven to him she was definitely not Kikyo. She was abrasive, vocal, assertive, annoying, stubborn, spoiled, quirky, kind, caring, beautiful–whooooaaaaaaaaa. And there went his thoughts again to a place he couldn’t go.

He exhaled in frustration. His instincts were all over the place. Five hundred years ago it was easier… Guardians were typically assigned a family to protect--specifically royal families or those who held important positions in the kingdom. Kikyo, the high priestess, and he were of similar age so he was placed with her. She required a full time Guardian due to her position in the palace. Her parents had been killed in one of the uprisings and she cared for her younger sister, Kaede. Kaede was still in training to become a priestess as well but lived in a different sector of the castle. He had grown to care immensely for the young woman. She was sworn to her duty. They were a fine match. Then all that crazy shit happened.

He felt betrayed. Hurt. But he was her Guardian. He was but a tool for her to use. While Guardians held their place by the ones they protected, sometimes more came out of it, other times they lived chaste lifestyles. Not every Guardian met their Chosen when they were assigned a family. He was but a half-demon. Not good enough for anyone or anything. He trained hard and proved himself in the trials to make his father proud since his brother had decided on a different way of life. The council had chosen him to become a Guardian because of all his hard work. It was almost unheard of that a half-demon made the selection. Not that half-demons were scarce. He, in fact, had been born because his father was placed with his own mother as a Guardian. But most had taken their places in the royal court with their families when that occurred—something Inuyasha didn’t want. He wanted a ‘simple’ life—to protect just like his father had.  

He passed all the tests and made the cut—then he had been placed with Kikyo and it was a good match; they worked well together. But that’s when things almost fell apart. Things he refused to think about, too fresh, too painful, took place and before he knew it, he was sealed away because of his ‘treachery’. But it was who had betrayed him. Then in a blink, he awoke and mistook Kagome for Kikyo.

He learned quickly they were nothing alike and her scent–Gods–that woman’s scent. It did things to him… things like the other Guardians spoke of with their assigned families when they found their Chosen. Like what his father said about his mother. They had referred to the ones they were assigned to protect as their Chosens—whether they were to mate with them or live a companionable life with them. His father’s Chosen, his mother, turned out to be his mate. It had been such a scandal because he had already mated with his brother’s mother. But the other demons understood, humans did not. 

His mother left the royal family to be with his father and they moved to live with the regular citizens. This had been one of the reasons he desired to take his place as Guardian—to prove his father had not dirtied their blood or soiled their name as the Taisho clan. 

When he met Kikyo he had thought she was beautiful. Refined. Poised. He had only thought that after they had met, they would probably grow to fall in love like others said. His father explained it wasn’t like that though. Inuyasha equated the mis-hit due to this human half. But now, he knew. He knew exactly what his father meant all those years ago. He had literally been slapped in the face and had his instincts take hold and never want to let go of that beautiful scent that was Kagome. To always be with her—someone who he had now sworn to protect, not out of duty, but out of desire. To love, cherish, and mate with her… Fuck. His mind and heart were literally at war. It wasn’t fuckin’ right.

To top off his emotional and instinctual angst, his fuckin’ chosen is out now with another male. Hobo or whatever. Yea, she said it was to gather information. Yea, Myouga was with her. Didn’t mean she had to show that much skin. Even though that teal dress was beautiful, her bare back was so alluring, her hair pinned up, her neck calling his name to bite and suckle. Mark. Dammit. He guessed to be fair… he had been avoiding her. Ignoring her to the best of his abilities anyway. After the shit in the past, how could he allow himself to get close to someone else? To be that vulnerable? It may have been five-hundred years for everyone else, but it had only been maybe a month for him… 

How could he even bring himself to open up such a sensitive topic? Let alone pour out his heart to a mortal who likely would look at him like he was crazy? Say, “Oh hey, I know you just learned demons are real and shit, but they also know their Chosens by scent and you’re it. You’re meant to be with me. Let’s go fuck.” Yea. Right. She’d probably push him back in the tomb and close the fucking door saying to hell with her research.

His eyes widened as he took in a scent of someone familiar, someone from his past, but someone he had also never met. He could sense a demon nearby. KAGOME!

He took off running down the street, forgoing his charm to change him into his human form. He needed his claws out and ready for whatever dumb bastard that thought they could attack his Chosen; they were gravely mistaken!

Son of a bitch! He froze at the entrance of the museum. He recognized this scent… It belonged to some other mortal Kikyo had a decent amount of contact with; likely someone who had been in the infirmary. Inuyasha’s guardianship wasn’t needed in that area according to Kikyo. How could they have survived this long—as a mortal—and especially if they were in that sick area being treated by the high priestess?

 “Miss Kagome, come this way! Let’s go meet with the financial coordinator!” Hojo took her hand and led her through the crowd.

“Miss Kagome,” Myouga whispered.

“What is it?” she whispered back.

“Be very aware of your surroundings… We are not alone.”

“What do you—”

“Miss Kagome, meet Mr. Naraku Onigumo. Mr. Naraku, this is Miss Kagome Higurashi,” Hojo said as he stepped aside to allow them to shake hands.

“Hello Mr. Onigumo, a pleasure,” she extended her hand to which he took. A sudden shiver ran through her body and she felt nauseous, so much so, that she almost dropped his hand in what she could only describe as revulsion… fear… emotions she did not commonly have towards strangers. But above all, the thing that bothered her was the smile he gave her when she trembled. It was dark, sinister, and while it was quick enough to where Hojo hadn’t seen, it was foreboding enough to make her want to excuse herself. She swore she could see images, almost like they had met in a past life. Ancient… clothing like Inuyasha wore when he was released from the tomb. The sinister smile and an evil cackle rung in her head. Why was she seeing these things? 

“Miss Kagome, I’ve heard many great things about you from Mr. Hojo. I am truly honored to finally meet you.”

She felt Myouga tugging at her hair that was pulled up and it gave her an odd sense of comfort, knowing he too, felt the ominous presence coming from the gentleman in front of her.

“That’s always nice to hear!” she laughed nervously. Her thoughts immediately went to Inuyasha—wondering where he was and if he would make it to her on time. But she couldn’t figure out why her brain thought she was on a timer or why she directly wanted and needed him. She really wished she had asked more about being a Guardian and how they were summoned…she swallowed. Could he possibly sense if she was in danger? 

She swore his eyes flashed red as he took a step closer to her making her take an instinctive step back. Smiling uneasily, Kagome tried to remain calm. He chuckled and put his hand around her back ushering her to go with him, “Come, let us get a refreshment and talk over some ideas I have. Mr. Hojo, please accompany us.”

Swallowing hard and trying to steady her breathing, she reached up so as to scratch her head to the naked eye, but dislodged Myouga and tossed him towards the door. She hoped he knew exactly what she meant since she couldn’t voice to him to go find who she needed. But considering he didn’t cry out or leap back on her shoulder, she assumed he got the message.

 Inuyasha followed the scent and ended up in the dark abandoned part of the museum. He looked around and was heavily confused on what was going on… It was like he was being lured there, like a distraction. But he needed to try and find the danger before it found Kagome. He had to protect her! His instincts were roaring to eliminate the threat then to find his Chosen. His mate. 

He jumped quickly when he smelt the change in the air and was able to dodge a wind blade that crashed into the tile floor. Landing ten feet away from where the blade hit, he glanced at where it came from and saw a woman dressed in modern clothing holding a fan—dark red eyes, hair drawn up in a ponytail, khaki pants, suspenders, a pink and magenta swirled shirt, and whoever it was, she reeked of that scent he recognized.

“Who are you?!” he yelled angrily.

“We heard the mutt was awoken. I’m shocked you aren’t with your master though…”she teased tapping her fan on her shoulder appearing bored.

“What!?”

“My master is probably doing what he did five hundred years ago to your former master…” she taunted.

“Stop speaking in riddles!” he snarled leaping to snatch her, but she gracefully jumped away and landed where he originally was before she had struck him.

“Tsk tsk tsk. Oh Inuyasha, you are a fool.”

“How the fuck do you know my name?”

“I’m not surprised you don’t remember me as I, technically, wasn’t born before your imprisonment. But you met my master, or at least, your ‘Chosen’ priestess did. She nursed him back to health. He fell in love with her kind heart, her position, her power. He began to lust after her and the better he got, the more he desired her. But she denied his proposal, claiming she preferred a life of solitude with her Guardian, just as a priestess should,” her voice sang.

Inuyasha was now growling but didn’t move. He needed to hear what this bitch would say next. She was speaking about Kikyo. Their past. What did she know?! Did she know why Kikyo thought he had betrayed her?!

“So, he sold his soul to the demons who wanted to destroy the palace. They ate him and he became my master, Naraku. He deceived your priestess and made her believe it was you, who betrayed everyone. He made it seem like it was you who killed the royal lineage; it is why she sealed you within that tomb. It was you who damned all of the youkai into total submission. It was made to be that youkai and humans could no longer coexist, making youkai go into hiding. You made them have to conquer the human lands, one by one. 

“And your priestess finally learned the truth of the deceit after fifty years. She was mortified that it was actually not you and she tried to unseal you but the spell was too powerful for her weak old body. She died next to your tomb, cursing the man she had married because she thought her only redemption of claiming you as a Guardian was to pray her descendants could do better… but then she learned Naraku was the one who killed everyone. Hahahahahaha! They always say karma is a real bitch.”

Inuyasha felt like his entire world collapsed. Myouga and Totosai had filled him in as best as they could on the details after he was sealed but he had not expected that…

He knew the royals had all been killed; their entire existence was wiped out within a night. He had been sent out by the king for another assignment away from the kingdom to forge a treaty with another area ruled by a half-demon and his bride. Kikyo had to remain there, tending to the sick and while he was unhappy with his assignment, he could not disobey the king. 

When he returned Kikyo was furious, screaming incoherently, pushing him away and refusing to be in his presence. She lured him down into the crypts of her home and then sealed him saying that he would regret the day he ever deceived her…

Myouga said after his sealing, the monarch dissolved. The humans rebelled and the Guardians who were still alive were forced to flee. His father had taken his mother overseas to be safe and start a new life. No one knew what became of his brother. 

It had to be a lie. “You’re so full of shit! You’re just trying to distract me!”

“Well, obviously. But I can assure you, I was telling you the truth with my little ruse. How does it feel knowing that you failed your priestess, and you’re about to fail your real Chosen,” she laughed, disappearing in a gust of wind.

“Son of a—”

“Master Inuyasha!” Myouga cried. 

“Myouga!! Why the fuck aren’t you with—”

“She sent me to get you! An old ancient demon named Naraku is the head financial coordinator and—”

“GodDAMNIT!” he growled taking off in the direction where Myouga came from. “You are gonna tell me everything I missed! I mean it! EVERYTHING! That fucking wind bitch said that the downfall of the royals was because of this Naraku, someone Kikyo cared for and he blamed it all on me!!”

“M-Master! We must save Miss Kagome!”

“You’ll fill me on the way or I’ll squash you and you won’t live to see how the next five hundred years turn out!”

“Very well master… what you heard was true. I—I tried to get here sooner but as a flea I can only move so fast. I heard what Kagura had told you. It is all unfortunately true. Naraku tricked the empire to believe you had killed the monarchy. It caused mass hysteria, chaos, and corruption. Naraku was able to take control of the rebellion, as a priest and promise that the Gods would bless his heirs that he would make with the high priestess. Kikyo married him and bore him sons and daughters. She learned the truth and was able to clear your name before her death, but had been unable to revive you. She had her daughter help her with a spell to help release you once your real Chosen, your mate appeared. The thing that could unlock your tomb would be her blood.”

“Why?!”

“So that you could be happy master! So that you knew it wasn’t a mistake that nothing ever happened between you and her! She knew how much you tried to care about her, but she knew that you were not destined to be together. While she loved you and you her, she knew she was not your mate. Grief overwhelmed her for all the pain that she caused because she had lured you into a life to live without your Chosen. The idea that she sealed you without even hearing your side of the story destroyed her. She knew then she had to correct her mistakes; she used her powers to see your real mate--and found her in the future. She saw the future you could have with her. That is why she changed the seal to open.

“You know that it is Miss Kagome who you are destined for! That she is your Chosen! Your mate!I think she even knows it to be true too, master! You just have to talk to her! She could sense the evil Naraku was emitting! It was like she remembered!”

“Why does that bastard want her?!” he snarled his eyes tinging red.

“Ma-Master…” Myouga saw his master losing control. 

“Answer me Myouga!”

“Because he knows she’s a Chosen. Your demonic Chosen. He knows it was she who was able to release you from your slumber. He plans on taking her away like he had done with Kikyo…”

Inuyasha didn’t reply as he raced to where the fundraiser was being held—he had to get to Kagome. He had already failed Kikyo and he felt like a piece of him was torn out. But if he lost Kagome before he even got to tell her what an idiot he was—he’d die. He would take his own life if it came down to that. He. Would. Not. Fail.

 Kagome felt like she was going to be sick as she was ushered out onto the balcony. Hojo had tried being helpful and offered to grab their drinks while they got to know each other before discussing the projects Naraku wanted to sponsor.

“So… tell me Miss Kagome. Any suitors I should be aware of?”

“Beg pardon?” she asked, trying to hide the revulsion in her voice. 

“Hahaha, oh Miss Kagome. What are you thinking about?”

I’m thinking about a way to get your sleazy hands off me… “No one of concern,” she offered.

“Obviously someone who is distracting you. Tell me about him,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her coaxing her to dance lightly to the music that they could hear from the banquet hall.

Trying not to tremble, she swallowed, “He’s just a…friend. We haven’t known each other long.”

“Ah, but it sounds like you’ve grown very fond of him. You know how the saying goes, ‘love at first sight’. I knew from the moment I gazed upon my wife. She initially did not accept my courtship, but I was able to convince her.”

“Hmmm,” she hummed. Maybe she was just imagining things. He said he was married. But, she just couldn’t shake this feeling of utter disgust as he tried to pull her closer. It was too intimate. It was like…“What is your wife’s name?” 

“Kikyo.”

That was all she needed to hear before she pulled away making him snicker. Her heart was beating frantically like it would burst out of her chest. She knew that name—Inuyasha’s former Chosen. How did this-this-this man know!

“So, he mentioned Kikyo, did he?”

“Who are you?! How do you know Inuyasha!?”

“You’re a feisty one,” he said as he raised his hand and snapped his fingers. The lights turned out and everything went silent. Kagome looked inside and saw everyone had passed out. What was going on!?!? She turned back as she heard him approach her again and took a step back again.

“What do you want!?”

“For Inuyasha to suffer,” he said, grasping her forearm harshly. She swore she felt her skin burn at his touch--she cringed and sucked her breath in to keep from crying out.

“Why?! What did he do to you?!” she demanded trying to pull away from him again.

“He stole the heart of the woman I loved.” She paused knowing he was likely talking about Kikyo. So she had been correct; Kikyo and Inuyasha were in love. It hurt… But she couldn’t explain why—it wasn’t like they were together or anything. Their time had even been five-hundred years ago. But still, she was, as crazy as it sounded, jealous.

“That doesn’t… Sometimes that can’t be helped… But-but even so! You just said you married her!”

“I did.”

“Then why—”

“As high priest, we had to restore the royal lineage that Inuyasha destroyed,” he said, smirking, his hand on her arm finally made her cry out. His touch was actually burning her—it wasn’t just that she was imagining things—he was actually harming her.

“Inu-Inuyasha didn’t do anything!” 

“How would you know? You weren’t even there. He killed all the royals. You heard the tales from Totosai and Myouga, did you not? They, of course, wouldn’t betray their master by divulging such information to a weak human.”

“That’s a lie! Inuyasha would never—”

“Oh, but he did my dear.”

“Stop!”

“LET GO OF HER!” Kagome turned her head to see a very angry and ferocious Inuyasha striking down onto the man holding her arm captive.

Naraku let out a cackle as he dropped her arm and disappeared into a giant purple fog as Inuyasha picked her up and jumped back. She swore she was hallucinating. She had to be. Within the last month, things had gotten out of hand. Maybe she should have considered checking herself into an insane asylum or something.

“Are you alright?” His gruff voice questioned.

“Y-yes,” she said breathily.

“Well well well, if it isn’t the half-breed himself,” Naraku remarked as he appeared on the museum’s rooftop.

“You must be Naraku…” Inuyasha growled, tightening his hold over Kagome’s body. Kagome finally had a moment to take him all in. His eyes were red, bright blue irises in place of his beautiful gold, purple jagged marks on his cheeks, fangs that dipped out of his mouth—what happened to him? Why had he transformed again? She was in too much shock to say anything—too much to do anything but rest in his arms as she idly traced the arm Naraku had burned. She felt nothing. But she knew she would once the initial scare wore off—she did her best not to look down at it to delay the inevitable. Instead, she kept her gaze fixed on the half-demon holding her in his arms and clutched his shirt with her injured arm as best as she could.

“That I am; it’s a pleasure to finally meet the disgrace in person.”

“What the fuck does that mean!?”

“I already filled in young Miss Kagome on what occurred five-hundred years ago. How you killed all the royals and that waswhy the Lady Kikyo sealed you away for all eternity.”

“Shut up!”

“Now now Inuyasha, it’s ok to be a monster. Kikyo fell in love with you just as she did with me. Obviously, she had a taste for things that were vile. Tell me, did she ever allow you to hold her at night? Allow her into her sweet--” he was cut off when Inuyasha was suddenly in front of him, swiping down with his claws snarling menacingly at him. Naraku laughed maniacally as he egged the half-demon-turned-full into battle.

Kagome had almost been dropped on her ass. Not that she could blame the guy--the love of his life was more or less defiled by this disgusting thing of a man that was prancing around on the roof. It still didn’t help her heavy heart. She heard footsteps come from the ballroom and she glanced to see two figures--a child with white hair, wearing a white dress, eyes as blank as unending darkness, carrying a mirror, and a woman who wore slacks and brightly colored shirt holding a fan. Kagome almost wished her life would go back to being the way it was before she met Inuyasha. Almost. The excitement would maybe kill her, but she honestly felt more alive than she had ever thought possible.

She stood and felt her hair fall from her tightly woven crown in the process, now trailing down her back, swaying in the wind. “Who are you? What do you want?”

“Run Miss Kagome!”

“Myouga?!” she looked down at her shoulder to see the flea that just appeared.

“That is Mistress Kagura, a wind sorceress and the child is Kanna of the void. She steals souls!”

“Souls? You must be joking!” Kagome tried to reason with the flea.

“I wish I were, you must try to escape until my master fends off Naraku!”

“I don’t need Inuyasha’s help,” she replied stubbornly.

“Miss Kagome! Now is no time to be stubborn!”

“He’s busy avenging Kikyo; I’m going to have to handle this on my own.” She looked around trying to find some form of weapon but had no luck. Maybe she could try to lure them into the museum so she could use one inside. Oh she was so going to be fired…

“You have a fire in you; a fire just like Kikyo’s,” Kagura spoke as she tapped her fan on her shoulder. “I will enjoy putting it out.”

“What do you even want with me?!” Kagome demanded.

“I’d thought that would be obvious at this point,” she said flicking her fan open and swinging it so the wind blades would strike.

“AIIII!” Kagome screamed dodging as best as she could. She jumped and swung herself away landing roughly on her stomach. Looking back at them, she quickly got to her feet with Myouga’s persistence to run. She took off and heard another swish of the woman’s fan as the crazy woman laughed at her struggles. Kagome jumped and landed on her back and thankfully the blades cut through the windows. 

Covering her head as the glass fell and rolling onto her stomach to cover herself more, she felt some of the chunks fall onto her back. She tried to remain calm. As calm as one could be with someone attacking them, that is. But she knew she had to keep her head level and focus on her objective; currently it was to stay alive. Fight. 

She stood once the glass stopped shattering on the ground around her and took off running into the building. Gasping, she tried not to stop as she saw all the people who were attending the event lying on the ground motionless. 

“Wh-what--Myouga! What’s wrong with them??”

“I told you Miss Kagome! Their souls have been taken!”

“Ugh! I don’t--Gahh!!!” she screamed as something grabbed her ankle swinging her down onto the ground breathlessly. She looked and saw Hojo above her with a blank look on his face.

“Hojo?! What are you doing!? Let me go!”

“And where would the fun be if we let you run?” Kagura laughed as she entered the ballroom.

Kagome struggled to push Hojo off of her so she could get to the next room. One room away. One room and she could get something to fight these demons. Muttering an apology, she kicked him as hard as she could in the gut causing him to roll off her. She stumbled getting up and again when she felt his hand grab her dress.

“Dammit! Get off!!” she yelled, kicking his wrist in a nerve to make him release his hold. She heard her dress rip slightly as she scurried off quickly. 

She barely made it through the towering archway as more wind blades struck.

“Miss Kagome! Quickly! The bow!”

“What??” she asked, covering her head as bricks and stone crashed down around her from the overhead. She screamed and tried to keep running even though she felt some of the stones falling upon her. Realizing she didn’t have time to argue or question Myouga, she rushed and felt the pull of the bow behind the glass frame on the far wall. She ripped the bottom part of her dress off and wrapped it around her arm. Punching as hard as she could, she shattered the glass that encased the ancient bow. Throwing down the torn rags, she uncovered her arm and grabbed the bow.

It pulsed in her hand. Pulsed. She swore to the Gods it did. It was… speaking to her. She had to have been going crazy at that point. Probably blood loss. Pain. Who knew. But either way, she felt the overwhelming urge to turn around at that moment. She swung holding the bow in front of her and squealed when she saw the wind blades heading straight for her. Unable to do anything, she held the bow tightly in front of her hoping and praying it would take the blunt of the blows as she squeezed her eyes shut. When she felt nothing, she peeked through one of her eyes and saw she was being covered in a weird purple-pink shield. 

Gasping she saw the demon with the fan narrow her eyes in anger. “Kanna,” she said with purpose.

The little demon with white hair raised her mirror and Kagome felt a shift in the world as she fell to the ground feeling suddenly cold.

 Inuyasha was in a fit of rage and felt like he couldn’t pull himself out. His body was no longer his own. All he could see was red. All he felt was underlying unadulterated blood lust. All he could do was attack. And there was nothing and no one that could stop his animosity as he attacked Naraku--sending blow after blow from his claws towards the fucking disgusting rancid demon taunting his every move... 

Suddenly, the thought occurred to him--why was he allowing him to attack so freely? He began to hear her--Kagome’s cries and he smelled her blood. His body froze. He felt like a building fell on him. His demonic aura almost dissipated at the thought of her being hurt because he had…

Fuck. He dropped her. Dropped her on her ass to attack the asshole who lured him away from her. He was so pissed off she had burns on her from the devil, that she had been screaming, that she had been left unguarded---he let him goad him into leaving her taunting him about how he defiled Kikyo! Fuck!! That wind bitch!!

“Ahhhh, just realizing that your replacement for our beloved Kikyo is in trouble? I will not permit you to leave. You will suffer the way I suffered when Kikyo cared for you. You will lose your humanity and become a mindless creature bent on destroying the world until you are begging for sweet death.”

“You and I are nothing alike! We are NOT the same!” Inuyasha yelled, his demonic features retreating as he was able to restore some of his head. His inner demon must’ve backed off knowing the blood lust was what got them in this position to begin with. Dammit all! Kagome!!!

“I think that we are more than you’d care to admit,” Naraku taunted as he finally released his attack; his body transformed into the ugliest fucking shape Inuyasha had ever seen. Wooden tentacles shot out and started to surround him. Inuyasha thought it was child’s play though. This was beginner level stuff from when he had begun his training to become a Guardian. Why was Naraku, a demon who had lived for countless centuries, so weak?? So unskilled?

After dodging  Naraku’s advances and swiping a few more attacks of his own, he noticed the tentacles were being reabsorbed back into the ugly fuck’s body. He growled and snarled angrily realizing he was playing with a goddamned puppet!!!

“Son of a--can’t you fight your own battles?!?! You have to use fucking tricks and others to fight for you?!? How cowardly are you!?!?”

“Goad me all you like, Inuyasha,” Naraku laughed maniacally. “Your time is almost up.”

“What does that mean?!?!” Inuyasha demanded. 

Before Naraku answered, he felt a supreme amount of reiki soar towards him. He jumped out of the way in time for it to strike down Naraku as the sick bastard continued to laugh. All that was left of him was a wooden doll with a black hair wrapped around it. Inuyasha recognized that power. He stood tall and turned slowly to face the person he was fearful to see.

He saw the haunting silhouette of the woman who trapped him in his tomb--the woman who sealed him away. But after the smoke from the ferocity of the arrow cleared, he saw Kagome holding the bow. Her dress was torn up, she had scratches and bruises all over her body, the burn still present on her forearm, her hair was free of the updo she had worked in earlier that evening… She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He was too entranced with her to realize there was something wrong.

“Ka-Kagome--” he took a step towards her about to say more when she pulled back on the string on the bow creating another reiki fueled weapon in the shape of an arrow. “Kagome?!!”

“You… betrayed me…” her voice was weird. Devoid of emotion even the words she used stung. They were the same ones Kikyo used on him five-hundred years ago before she sealed him away.

“Kagome! I’m sorry! I lost control! I was coming for you!” He was shocked when she released the arrow again that propelled straight towards him. He managed to clear it but only to have several more projectiles flying towards him. What the fuck was wrong with her?! Why was she so mad?! He trusted her--

That’s when it dawned on him--it wasn’t her. Kagome would never… She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. Kagome wasn’t Kikyo. He leapt towards and noticed her blank eyes as she swung the bow to hit him again. Before she could pull back the string and renotch another spiritual arrow, Inuyasha grabbed her bow to pull it out of her grasp. He had not expected the hand that was off the bow to swing and blast him with reiki. Screaming from the agonizing burn he jumped back away from her.

“Damnit!”

“Something wrong, Inuyasha?” Kagura laughed.

“Grrrrr… you again. What did you do to Kagome?!!”

“Nothing. Just told her the truth.”

“What ‘truth’?!”

“That you are in love with Kikyo--even though she isn’t really your mate. Kagome was a little upset to say the least. Kanna was able to open her mind and help her learn the spiritual techniques of her ancestors.”

Kagome restrung the bow and took aim at him again. He whimpered, unsure what to do, on how to save her. Fuck. He was about to fail again!

“Master Inuyasha!”

“Myouga!” Inuyasha huffed as he jumped away from Kagome’s new onslaught of attacks quickly grabbing Myouga up and tossing him on his shoulder.

“They took her soul and are controlling her, Master!”

“How the fuck do I get it back?!” 

“I--well--uhm--” Myouga stammered.

“Dammit Myouga! Get lost!” Inuyasha yelled as he threw the flea from his shoulder sensing the oncoming arrow he wasn’t going to be able to dodge without being in the direct path of another. He cried out in pain when the arrow struck his chest. But then suddenly vanished just as quickly as it struck him.

Panting, he was able to sit upright uneasily but looked up to see Kagome’s form shaking. Her hand that wasn't clutching the bow trembled the most, her chest heaving. She was fighting.

“KAGOME!”

“Ya-” she breathed. If it wasn’t for his demonic hearing he probably would have heard her strained voice.

“Kanna--what’s wrong?!” Kanna stepped forward and looked down at her mirror. Inuyasha could see clouds of white escaping while the mirror shook and he heard slight cracking sounds. He took the cue and leapt forward grasping his shoulder to hopefully keep it  from absorbing all the shock from when he landed. 

“Kagome! Fight it! I know you can!” he pleaded as he placed his hands on her upper arms. He wanted to embrace her, hold her, promise her everything would be ok--that he would save her, that he would protect her always--confess his love for the strange girl of the future era and admit he had grown overly fond of her. That he loved her, not Kikyo. That what he felt for her didn’t even compare what he felt for his old Chosen--who was just a Chosen… not his mate. 

Those feelings weren’t just formed because he could sense his demonic half claiming her as his mate. Yea, her scent drove him wild. Yes, she was fucking gorgeous. Strong, fierce, mouthy, but she was kind. Accepting. She gave him a home when she didn’t have to. She fed him, cared for him, helped him learn about the things that changed over the centuries. Her desire to help him belong, help him be able to be on his own if he wanted. The idea she offered to help him find a place when he was comfortable, or even offered to get him one and she would just check up on him, help him from a distance if he'd be more comfortable that way… she was just so amazing. How could he not--how could anyone not fall in love with a being like her?

She was so interested in his past. Kagome actually wanted to listen to him talk. It wasn’t just her filling the void. She treated him as an equal--not just as a Guardian. 

He couldn’t lose her! He refused to lose her! While he could fight a battle physically, he couldn’t fight it spiritually. This fight was hers--one of which she seemed like she was holding her own at. He had to encourage her--even if that meant he had to cross a line. He pulled her into his arms and pressed her face into his chest. 

In a drunken haze one night, she had admitted she liked how he smelled--like a forest. Pine trees. Musky. Something so… “Inuyasha” as she put it. He knew his own scent. He was surprised she was able to discern it so quickly. 

She had cuddled up to him and played with his ears.  It was so awkward because he was still in denial over her being his Chosen but he couldn’t resist her charms. He loved being in her company. Being in her attention. His body being touched by her.

“Please Kagome, I know you can do this--I believe in you,” he buried his nose into her hair trying to calm his raging anxiety. He couldn’t lose her--he just found her. The woman that had begun to heal his heart--he fought it for so long… But in that moment when he actually thought he would lose her--he couldn’t. He’d die if he lost her. Kikyo already passed on--his only real friend. His first friend. Kikyo's death hurt him, but he could move on. The love they had was more platonic--his love for the young woman locked in his arms was indescribable. 

He felt her grasp his shirt and he felt her falling; his arms kept a tight hold on her small body to keep her upright, “Inu--” she said strained.

“That’s it--I’m right here! Fight!”

“Kanna! Do something!” Kagura hissed.

“The mirror…” Kanna whispered.

“Fine! Dance of Blades!” Kagura yelled, swinging her fan at Kagome and him. He leapt out of the way, protecting her head by pressing his hand to the back of it as he kept a firm hand around her waist. He continued to dodge until the blades stopped when he and Kagura heard a large crack in the mirror. 

Inuyasha landed just as the white clouds burst from the mirror and soared through the sky. One shot towards him and Kagome making him almost dodge before Myouga yelled, “No! You must allow Miss Kagome to reabsorb the soul! She has summoned it!”

“She what?!” Inuyasha exclaimed as he felt her soul slam back into her body. He held on as he felt the pressure surround them. Once it seemed like her body fully absorbed, he felt her pulsate--like her soul was seeking something out now that it had returned to where it belonged.

“Inu…yasha…” she said slowly. 

Inuyasha sighed in relief but kept his hold on her, and tightened it slightly, “Kagome.”

Kagura scoffed, “How romantic--” She was cut off when another arrow went skyrocketing towards her and Kanna. Kagura quickly summoned a feather from her hair and they were lifted up into the sky making their get-away.

“Damnit! Get back here!” Inuyasha yelled.

“They are of no consequence--they are but tools of Naraku,” Kagome said coldly. It made him stiffen. The way she said it. The way she… He turned back to face the young woman and was met with deep blue eyes. Deeper than usual. Calculating. 

“Ki-Kikyo…?” he said in shock. 

“Hello, Inuyasha. It’s good to see you again.”

 Kagome felt cold. Stiff. Empty. Something was wrong. She had managed to get the bow hadn’t she? She had...deflected their attacks. Or at least she thought she did. She opened her eyes and was met with a beautiful woman--long flowing straight black hair, deep navy blue eyes unlike her teal ocean blues, they looked oddly similar, but somehow also so different. 

Gasping from fright, she looked around and was surrounded in darkness. Fuck! She had gone crazy! She finally cracked. Yep. That was the only rational solution. 

“You have not gone crazy, Kagome,” the woman in front of her said.

“What?! How did--”

“We are inside your mind. Locked. The demons you were fighting took your soul.”

“Who…? Oh! Those demons! But--”

“I know this is all new to you… but you remember. Some of your previous life--” the woman placed a hand on her cheek closing her eyes and sent images into Kagome’s mind. Images of a past life--

“Are you--Are you Kikyo??” The woman smiled in response. 

“I am. Your ancestor. And your previous life.”

“You are Inuyasha’s Chosen,” Kagome gaped at her former self. She was so beautiful. Refined. Proper. Kagome felt somewhat disheartened. No wonder Inuyasha couldn’t stand her. She would never match up to her. Kikyo smiled softly in return, a comforting smile as if she knew what she was thinking.

“Not in the way you are referring, young one.”

“What--”

“I am not, and was not Inuyasha’s mate. I was merely a priestess with a Guardian. A Chosen who needed a Guardian in the palace.”

“But he said--”

“He did care about me. And I, for him. But, not in the sense you think. We resigned ourselves to a life of companionship. I felt romantic feelings for him, but I knew it was not the same for him. I was not his Chosen--his Chosen mate. It would never have worked for us in the way you are thinking of. I was too tied to my duty to the kingdom. He was tied to restoring his family's honor and the love he felt for me was friendly. Not at all romantic. But it was okay for both of us just to resign to live side by side.”

“Just the way he talks about you…”

“Do you not have a friend you speak highly of? A friend you miss? A friend who you grew up with and you had to go your separate ways?”

Kagome thought of her best friend Sango and how they grew up together, lived together throughout college... then she met Miroku. He was a great guy, with great ambitions, and he really worked hard to gain Sango’s attention. He really made Sango his world and proved to her time and time again how it would always be her. And well, the rest was history. They moved for his work to the States and Sango happily followed. They kept in contact and Kagome visited as much as she could. 

“Yes…” Kagome said sadly.

“I know you have had a lot to learn recently. That this life can seem overwhelming, but I can assure you that it is a part of your destiny. That this is the way your life was meant to be.”

“But why--”

“Because you are Inuyasha’s mate.”

“I’m--what??!”

“You know this is true.”

“I-I--” she trailed off and pondered what Kikyo was telling her. 

“Think Kagome; you know this to be true. There is a force that is driving you to him. Even now--” They were interrupted when they heard a muffled yell. “He needs you.”

“N-no. I-I’ll--You need to help him! I-I can’t. I don’t know how--please--”

“Call out to him.”

“What??”

“Call out to him, Kagome. He’ll hear you and help you push through this darkness.”

Kagome focused on the outside of this void. She tried to project herself--the only thing that felt right, the way to get herself out of there. Her body felt like an unmovable wall. Something was moving her like she was a puppet. Only rather than being attached to strings, she was being moved by a remote control.  

She felt a large amount of power leave her as she heard Inuyasha yell at Myouga before he cried out in pain. Doing the only thing she could think to do was try to draw back what left her when she came back into her body. She tried to speak and it felt like she’d ran fifty miles. Gasping and panting, she tried to push through only to feel a heavy lump in her throat as she tried to voice his name as he called for her--”Ya…”

That was all she could get out before she was snapped back into the darkness with Kikyo. She cried. She was pitiful. Inuyasha deserved better. She was useless--hopeless. She knew nothing.

“Please… Kikyo please help him.”

“Kagome--”

“Please!!! You have to help him! Save him!!!”

“What if we cannot switch back?”

“I’m willing to die for him, Kikyo! Please!! I’m untrained and-and-and I can’t let them use me to destroy him!! Please!!! I know he’ll be happy! I know he loves you even though you don’t think so! I won’t make him choose! Please!!!!”

“As you wish, Kagome,” Kikyo sighed defeatedly as she disappeared from Kagome’s view. Kagome could still the tingling of power as Kikyo fought off the demons. She heard Inuyasha talking to her--soothing her. He really was kind. She was sad she gave Kikyo another chance, but she also realized their time had been short because that Naraku creep deceived them. It was only right. Kikyo was wrong. Kagome wasn’t Inuyasha’s mate. Kikyo was… and that was okay. When you loved someone, you let them go to be happy. That was the only way Kagome ever loved Inuyasha--unconditionally. 

She heard Inuyasha say Kikyo’s name and she had to remind herself this was her choice. Still, it didn’t lessen the quake in her heart.

 “Kikyo… where’s Kagome?”

“She--she wanted me to help you. She does not know how to use our power. Her desire to save you sent me into her body.”

“Is she your reincarnation?”

“Ironic, isn’t it? That I was not your mate, but Kagome, my ancestor, my reincarnation, is…”

“You know?”

“You are free, are you not?”

“So what Myouga said was true…”

“Indeed.”

“It--it’s safe now. Are you going to let Kagome come back?”

Kikyo shifted uncomfortably, lowering her eyes, “I believe I know the answer to this--as she is your mate. But, we have so much history. So much to discuss… Is that girl more important to you than I am?”

“I’m sorry, Kikyo. She is. While I get we didn’t get closure or whatever, I need her back.”

Kikyo looked up and smiled softly, “She’s already changed you.”

“What??”

“You have a more kind look in your eyes. Softer. You held me, or rather her, without reservation. Trust was never our strong suit even though you were my Guardian. Yet, you allowed yourself to get close to this girl within weeks, have you not? Even when she was attacking you, you automatically knew it was not her. In the past, you were more reversed and never voiced your opinion unless asked, but here you demand to see the young woman again. Even when you know that would mean my ultimate end.”

“...I--” He honestly didn’t know how to answer. Thinking back, he had been trying to push Kagome away. Keep himself from getting close to her. But obviously Kikyo, in some dormant part of Kagome’s soul, could see he failed. That he changed in spite of his stubbornness. “I’ve grown to care about her. A lot. I don’t think she feels the same, but it doesn’t stop my desire to be with her.”

“Why’s that?”

“You just said it--it’s been a couple of weeks. Things are different in this age of time, Kikyo.”

“Love never changes, even in time Inuyasha. And that girl--she does care for you deeply; she cares enough to risk imprisonment within her own soul.”

“She what?” He was shell shocked. His ears twitched. Did he hear her correctly??

“She sacrificed herself… She wanted me to help you. She didn’t believe she was your mate.”

“I--Kikyo I can’t lose her! I just found her!”

“Call to her--she can hear you. We both could as her body was being dragged around by the demons. It was what made her gain control to stop the arrow from purifying you.”

“Kagome!” he called as he clasped onto her arms. It was eerie having Kikyo’s stoic stare gazing back at him through Kagome’s eyes. That was one thing he cherished about Kagome; she never hid her emotions and was always upfront about when he pissed her off. What made her excited. What made her sad… He never wanted that fire within her to ever be extinguished. “Kagome! Come back!! It’s safe now!!”

Kikyo continued to look at him and slightly looked saddened--like she couldn’t hear Kagome’s response. 

“Don’t you fucking say anything--” he warned Kikyo.

“Inuyasha! Language!”

“Kagome,” he pressed on, uncaring of Kikyo’s reprimand. “You can’t honestly believe I don’t need you! I was never myself with Kikyo! I couldn’t be! I was just her Guardian--not her mate! I’m sorry I was such a dick! But it’s you I need! Kagome!!!”

“Keep trying Inuyasha. Don’t give up,” Kikyo offered him. She obviously could see he was clearly distressed.

“Kagome--come on! I--I know I was a jerk. I’ll be honest! I’ll talk. I’ll tell you anything!! Please--I need you Kagome! I--this sounds crazy but, fuck Kagome, I love you! I love how wild your hair is in the morning, I love how you speak your mind, I love how caring, accepting, and open you are! The way you breathe in your coffee and sigh, the way plop down on the couch next to me after a long day, even the way you sing songs non stop while you clean your house, are things I can’t get enough of. Your love and care is unconditional! Kagome--” he was out of options. Kikyo didn’t budge. The face of pity was what finally sent his demon into a frenzy. It was going mad at the idea he would never see Kagome again. It was angry he had been a shit mate and pushed her away--that he was the reason she left. 

“Kagome! Fuck! Kikyo! What the fuck do I do?”

“She can hear you, Inuyasha. I do not know why she is not emerging. She may not be able to… I warned her of this.”

“There has to be a fucking way!”

“Master Inuyasha!!” Myouga called from the ground below them.

“Myouga,” Inuyasha said, still highly anxious.

“Master! The Lady Kikyo is correct! You must call to Miss Kagome!”

“What the fuck do you think I’ve been doing?!?!”

“Master--you are so dense! Tell us! When you lost control of your demon the night of your awakening, how did Miss Kagome get you back to your senses?”

Blushing at the thought Inuyasha stuttered, “F-fuck! I don’t wanna force myself on her!!” He thought back to that day that felt so long ago--the day she awakened him…

He was so disoriented when he had awoken. She looked so similar to Kikyo--it made sense now. Kagome was her descendant and her reincarnation. They always said fate had her own plans. Fate was the creator of irony. After Kagome explained repeatedly she was not his Chosen, that he was not her Guardian, and that she was ‘Ka-Go-Me’, Totosai finally revealed himself. The jackass. Still had been up to no good and plaguing his family with his overbearing intrusive presence. 

Totosai left Myouga with him to explain things that happened over the centuries as he then explained to Kagome who Inuyasha was and who they actually were. Totosai left and Kagome apologized, after hearing Myouga explain things to him--about his sealing, about the change in time, about the death of Kikyo. She offered to help him--not leave him alone. He deserved a second chance and she would happily be his friend outside of her research project. She even humored herself saying they could learn from each other and once he was on his own feet, he could live alone. He was not amused; he was edgy and mad and frustrated and devastated, and--and--horribly confused. 

Kagome--her scent called to him in ways he never knew was possible. Her body, her figure--it made his mouth water. Her eyes that sparkled like the ocean peered into his soul. Her voice sang a unique song that seemed to calm his heart, his demonic instincts--but his human ego was utterly pissed off. He couldn’t help but be a straight asshole to her. How could this mortal be trusted? His own Chosen locked his ass up in a tomb for five-hundred fucking years! Someone he had trusted with his life, cared for deeply even though they weren’t…

OH. FUCK. The realization of everything came crashing down like a waterfall; Kagome was his mate. Those thoughts circled his head as he realized with his awakening, his aura had shot out powerfully. Not completely his fault--it was the part of the spell. He noticed his senses picking up movement, scents, and worse, youki. He pushed his thoughts about her being his mate behind him and pressed forward to the matter at hand.

He ushered her to follow but she was hell bent on leaving. She admitted the day was odd enough and she hadn’t planned on trying to get more attention. The problem was by the time they made it upstairs, they were surrounded. Things were awakening and those things wanted to eat. Souls. Flesh. Whatever they could get their grubby little hands on. 

Inuyasha was still feeling the effects of his sealing. It took far longer to beat off the low grade demons and it awakened his demonic state when he heard the dumbass girl cry out when he didn’t make it to her in time. 

The next thing he knew outside of the lust for blood underneath his claws, the drive for sheer power, and the desire to find his mate and rut her into submission was Kagome. She had her body pressed intimately against him and she was kissing him--hard--embracing him fully. Her hands had cupped his cheek, breasts were pressed against his chest, her legs flushly between his own as her lips covered his own. He wasn’t really sure what the fuck happened. Once she broke loose she looked around and sighed in relief. She apologized profusely explaining someone must’ve heard them fighting with the rogue demons and came looking. A security guard or something. Since Totosai had said demons were hidden in this world from humans, she had to think fast of a way to hide and make his snarls and growls stop. 

What had floored him was she apologized to him for forcing herself on him. A demon. A half-demon. She apologized to him for making him uncomfortable. Not the other way around. The fact she even got so close--his demon purred in contentment until it wanted more. It made Inuyasha withdraw from her. He was scared of the feelings he was being plagued with. Obviously she took it as disgust. Or that he loved Kikyo. Shit. He was already the worst mate. But his anxieties had been justified at the time. Now--now they are what drove his mate within herself. Fuck.

Kikyo continued to stare at him, whether or not she knew what transpired between him and Kagome those weeks ago, she offered no words of comfort or disappointment. 

"Master! The Lady Kikyo will not see it as such! That is not her body!"

"It may not be her body flea but it's her consciousness! I--uh--"

Kikyo giggled, flustering Inuyasha more, "Oh Inuyasha, I understand there is no meaning for this kiss towards me; I know it for Kagome.”

“God! You guys are just assholes!” he added as he blushed. “Is.. I know you said Kagome can hear us… is she saying anything?”

Kikyo shook her head, “She has remained silent. I sense her emotions. But she has not spoken to what she is hearing. I’m not sure if she is being receptive or not. It’s possible she thought you would be happy to see me again and shut down.”

“I don’t know why she’d think something so fucking stupid! So you’re telling me she can’t hear anything?!”

“I am not sure Inuyasha. I know we could hear you from inside the void when our soul was taken by the one known as Kanna. There is no reason to raise your voice to me in such a way.”

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes and exhaled in agitation, “Listen Kikyo, I am not the same guy as I was five-hundred years ago. You said that yourself. Kagome has accepted me for who I am. I’m not gonna just revert back to being your guard dog--I’m Kagome’s Guardian now. Do you hear that Kagome?!” He grasped her arms harshly. Pleading that she felt it deep down inside herself. “I’m more me with you than with Kikyo! You better get the fuck back here because I’m not gonna hide who I am! I’m happy with you Kagome! You are the one I’m meant to be with. God I hope you’re fucking listening because I’m not gonna to repeat this! Damnit! Woman! Grrrrr,” he growled, finally pushed to the limit and dropped his lips to hers in bruising force. This had better work…

 Kagome tried her best to keep things muffled--she didn’t want to hear Kikyo and Inuyasha’s reunion. The sweet nothings he’d whisper to her ancestor, the confessions of love, and the intimate position they probably were embracing in… God. If she could sink further into herself, she would. She would happily accept death if it would make Inuyasha happy. 

Was she pathetic for thinking that? For giving up? Was it technically giving up? She said she would help him learn to be able to survive on his own. Her staying here would void that promise. But she would be giving him Kikyo--someone she knew he cared deeply about. That was a better gift right?  

Kagome heard him yelling something about being stupid--her hands were still clamped over her ears but his shouts was loud enough to make it through her barriers she placed over her heart. Did he think she was being stupid? Foolish? Whatever. He didn’t have to tolerate her anymore anyway. Her despair fell off of her in waves. 

Why did Kikyo tell her to think about her feelings towards him anyway? She knew she was his mate? She knew she liked the guy… okay, obviously she was in love with him. Sacrificing herself proved that little tidbit. But--what were mates?

Myouga hadn’t elaborated very much. Just said that there were two different types of Chosens. 

Kikyo said she was different from the type of Chosen. Whatever that meant.

Were mates--well duh, they had to be a demon related thing--a ‘mating’ thing? That’s how zoologists described animals reproducing. Why would Kikyo say they were mates?

Was she saying they needed to ‘bang’ it out? Not that Kagome was opposed--but God forbid if that ever got out that she had sex out of wedlock. Then again, maybe it was normal for Inuyasha’s time? She couldn’t imagine he was in uhm… ‘mint’ condition. But then again, anytime Kikyo came up, he got a sour look on his face and she had dropped the subject. But Inuyasha was too good looking to be turned down. Sighing, Kagome declared she would do more research about five-hundred years ago and demonic breeding… if she ever got out of the darkness. 

She heard more yelling and she was starting to get even more upset. This jackass couldn’t appreciate anything she did for him! Typical! What an asshole! What was his problem?! He had Kikyo! He had Totosai and Myouga to help him adjust to the time. One little promise of sticking by him shouldn’t mean so much to the guy. God. Jerk.

Her heart began to flutter rapidly when she swore she heard him say something about being his mate. But everything was muffled and distorted. No way she heard him correctly. That was when she felt an odd sensation on her lips. Clearly she was going mad… he wasn’t kissing her. He was likely kissing Kikyo…

But her soul kept fading in and out--or in and out of her consciousness. Whatever the darkness she was in. It was hard to describe or know what was going on. She finally saw him. Fuck a duck. He was kissing her. Her. Well--scratch that--he was kissing Kikyo but it summoned her back. Unknowingly and unwittingly. Damnit!

Gasping she gained his attention and his eyes opened. His bright amber eyes bore into hers. She knew she was blushing madly as he pulled back and said her name breathily.

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to come back!”

“Wh--What?!!?” his gentle caring eyes turned angry. “Why are you saying it like that?!!?”

“You--you were kissing Kikyo and I--I--I don’t know but I came back out of the darkness!”

“Duh! That was the fuckin’ point, idiot!”

“UGHHHHHH! You’re so frustrating!!! Can’t you appreciate anything I try to do for you?!?!”

“Who said I wanted Kikyo back?!!?”

“You!!”

“When!?!” he said, gripping her arms tightly.

“Uhmmm…” Well come to think of it, he never voiced such a desire… “Okay, maybe not out loud, but you did with your actions and insinuations!”

“And you know what? That is my fault. You’re right. I’m a shit mate for making you feel unwanted but I had a lot to process in the past couple of weeks! Give me a fuckin’ break!”

“Well of course it is and--wait--what?!?!” 

“You heard me, wench.”

“N-no… wait--uhm--” she stammered as she looked away blushing.

“Uh uh,” he said, grabbing her chin with his fingers pulling her back to face his intense eyes. “I admit I fucked up; I almost lost you, Kagome. But tell me why in the seven hells you thought it would be a good idea for you to sacrifice yourself to allow Kikyo to come back.”

“You’re in love with her--and I--” she swallowed thickly the ‘L’ word that threatened to escape her lips and pressed on, “care about you. I wanted you to be happy--even if it wasn’t with me.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I think I have ever heard. That includes the time you told me you rode in a metal cart machine to work and that if it crashed it would kill you.”  

“Inuyasha--”she warned.

“Kagome--I tried to tell you that Kikyo and I were not in love. I was just her Guardian. That’s it. We obviously didn’t trust each other. That’s not something that can’t exist between mates. Tell me--do you trust me?”

“What does that have to do with anything?? Of course I do!”

“Why?”

“I--uh--” she trailed off really unsure how to answer the question. Why did she trust him so undyingly? When she awoke him in the museum, she held no fear of him. She even bossed him around and asked him fifty billion questions. Just like he was an old friend of hers she hadn’t seen in forever, not a five-hundred year old demon who could have easily killed her. 

“Exactly. You just do. You know I would never harm you,” he breathed, his face oddly close to hers as his hands somehow found their way into her hair. His fingers brushed through it lovingly, making her sigh shakily.

“I-it could just because I’m a descendant of Kikyo’s.”

“Your theory doesn’t hold up Ka-Go-Me. Kikyo didn’t trust me.”

“But--she learned the truth didn’t she??”

“Doesn’t mean she trusted me. She just knew I didn’t commit treason,” he found a particular stand he had fingered through fascinating to her relief as he looked away from her. His body in such close proximity made hers hot even though her dress had seen such better days. She needed a moment where his eyes weren’t glued to her. 

Closing her eyes, exhaling again before speaking, she whispered, “I’m sorry. Were you two able to…?”

“No. But I made my peace with it. She knew the truth; I didn’t need an apology or an explanation. Not really. I just needed you back,” he admitted.

Her eyes shot open and relocked with his, “What?”

“You need to start listening; it’s probably why you end up in so many fights,” he smirked.

“Listen to what!? You’re making no sense!”

“You are my mate, Kagome. My Chosen. Not someone I have to protect--but someone I want to--someone I need to. Not for the sake of honor, but for the sake of living. If you ever died--I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I wouldn’t be able to survive. The fact you were almost sealed away inside yourself… it was enough to make my demon stir and almost emerge and go into another killing frenzy.”

“Like earlier? When Naraku said that awful stuff about Kikyo?”

“I was already transformed because your life was in danger. Being that enraged and pissed off about your safety, seeing he had burned your arm, I was easily baited into fighting with him. He had wanted to drive us apart. The fucker nearly succeeded too; I left you unprotected and vulnerable while I tried to exact revenge for Kikyo and myself. I screwed up. Big time. I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

“There’s nothing to forgive though, Inuyasha. I understand,” she said as she stroked his cheek.

“See? I don’t know how else I can prove to you that you’re my mate. You know it deep down.”

“I… I guess I just don’t totally understand,” she said softly.

“Mates--it’s hard to explain because I've never had one. Myouga knows more than I do--speaking of the useless asshole--where are you?!” he called.

“Right here, Master! Didn’t want to interrupt such a tender moment.”

Welp, that was embarrassing--she turned six shades of red but Inuyasha secured his arms to wrap around her as he held her close. She took the opportunity to bury her head into his shirt and prayed maybe the ground would swallow her up.

“Myouga,” he warned.

“Sorry Master!”

“Can you beat it? We can talk later.”

“Did you want to know the full details of mating though?”

“I think I can handle the easy details asshole, can you just get the fuck outta here??! Go make yourself useful and make sure the other people in the building got their souls back or whatever,” he yelled, swatting Myouga from his shoulder followed by a terrorized scream.

“Sigh, you didn’t have to be so mean,” she chastised.

“Yea, yea, you didn’t have to live with him five-hundred years ago.”

“Anyway,” she said, clearing her throat, hoping maybe he’d release her. Okay that was a lie--she never had felt so at home or safe being next to him. Or rather, in his arms. But she wasn’t very comfortable with intimacy. It was highly taboo. The idea just made her face light up further.

“Yea… mates are--to demons, they are uhm… Fuck, I hate having to explain shit. But you need to know. It’s like a husband and wife thing with humans. But it’s permanent. There’s no going back once a demon has mated. Their souls entangle and their lives get--shared I guess? I’m not clear with all the details and specifics, just the general idea of everything. I just know that it’s a rather large commitment.”

“Okay,” she replied softly.

“What?”

“I said okay; as in, okay, I’ll be your mate.”

“Kagome--you can’t just agree to it not knowing--”

“You’re right though. I--I think I’ve always known. Just how easily I came to trust you, offer you my home without thinking about how uhm--improper it would be, how I turned down Hojo--”

“YOU DID WHAT!?!? THAT LITTLE FUCKER--”

“--just everything makes sense as to why I’ve lived my life the way I have by now. How I ended up with a demon professor and boss--it’s just… it makes me happy. Knowing I actually do belong.”

“You’re--you’re crazy you know that, right?”

“Yea, I get that a lot,” she smiled brightly up at him.

He leaned his head down to rest his forehead against hers, “I’m not gonna mark you--to be my mate yet. I want you to be sure--to know all the details, okay?”

“Sure...whatever you want to make you feel better.”

“Stupid, it’s to make sure you do.”

“Whatever, don’t kid yourself, we both know you’re nervous about this,” she teased.

“Well yea! I’m not gonna listen to you bitch the rest of our lives about how I fucked over yours.”

“Inuyasha,” she warned.

“Keh, don’t worry about it--I’ll listen to you complain and whine about anything else.”

Rolling her eyes, she scoffed and he laughed. LAUGHED. “What have you done with my Inuyasha?”

“Wench,” he warned teasingly. “Let me just tell you how seeing you back in your body has given me a whole new take on life. What’s that saying? ‘Separation makes the heart grow fonder’? The fear of losing you, I just--I swore I would be honest with you. I know we may have a war coming up with this Naraku freak but--I--”

“I get it, Inuyasha. I understand. I feel the same.”

“Do you?”

“I love you, Inuyasha. I--I don’t know how, why, or when it started… but I do.”

“I--fuck it--” he cut himself off by grasping her face and pulling her back into a fierce kiss that she excitedly returned. Even though his tongue traced her lips and she opened her mouth, accepting him and even returning the gesture as she sought to scrape her tongue against his fangs, the kiss remained tame. It was hot. It could have easily made her forget her virtues and what he wanted, but she held herself back on what little thread she could.

“Mmmm,” she hummed as he pulled away.

“I’m serious about waiting. I--I would like to court you. If you’ll allow me.”

“We can work out all the details later,” she smiled softly.

“Deal,” he said, sealing their agreement with another kiss.

#inuyasha x kagome #inu x kag #inukag #inuyasha fanfiction #soulmate au #one shot #thank god this is done

[moscarific]

Some of you might have noticed that I have a new fandom. As often happens, the fandom itself isn’t new: Roswell, New Mexico, has aired for two full seasons on the CW, and a lot of the fans jumped on board at or near the beginning. I, on the other hand, sauntered in late, martini in hand, and binged the whole thing on Netflix in a week to get my mind off the fact that my HVAC had died in the middle of a heat wave and nobody could figure out how to fix it. The stubborn appliance is now fixed, and my condo is now a placid 74 degrees Fahrenheit throughout, but in the time it took, I not only watched all of RNM but wrote and posted my first fic in the fandom. It is a classic case of new fandom glow, and all it took was an aggressively mediocre TV show about attractive queer aliens and two weeks of sustained negotiation with the heating-cooling repair company.

Since I have friends in the fandom and they seem happy that I’ve shown up - especially since I brought martinis for everyone - I’m now on a Discord server where a lot of the RNM fandom stalwarts hang out. (Discord: yet another fandom platform that reminds me that the days of Livejournal were terrible but also makes me feel ancient.) Here I am, two days after joining the server, giddily chatting with my fellow nerds and plugging away at fic #2, when someone starts fretting that everyone is leaving RNM fandom and there will soon be nobody left. 

In my mind, this fandom is vibrant. My Tumblr dash is full of new gifs, fanart, and stories. The Discord is not overwhelming, but there is plenty of action, most of it on topic. AO3 listings indicate a steady stream of new material. It’s possible that things have slowed down since the initial boom, but this fandom is still moving at a healthy clip - especially since, as someone else on Discord pointed out, we’re in the middle of a long show hiatus (made longer by the pandemic and by some behind-the-scenes tsuris) after a season that mostly separated the fandom’s consensus OTP. 

My reaction to this concern is that RNM is the kind of fandom that has legs. At first, that was an inkling, fueled by the desire for more Malex fic to be injected directly into my bloodstream, but the more I thought about it while folding laundry (You know what else got fixed last week? My dryer. I am so happy. Never get old, kids.) the more I saw myself responding to a pattern. The upside to being old - and by old, I mean that the Star Trek fans I used to hang out with on a Yahoo Group dubbed me a Brassy Old Fandom Queen in approximately 2002 - is that you have perspective. 

At this point, I have written upwards of 200 stories in something like 50 fandoms. (Not all of these stories are on AO3; some of them are buried on Dreamwidth where they belong.) You know what still gets read? Stories in fandoms with a large amount of canon that is readily available on a major streaming platform. I haven’t watched a Gilmore Girl since there was a Bush in office, but I still get kudos almost daily on Rory/Paris fics that are older than the characters were in the first season of that show. Sometime around 2011, I wrote Mass Effect femslash because I was modding a fic exchange and took a difficult sign-up for the team, and that thing still gets read all the time. Not only are my own Star Trek: DS9, Teen Wolf, and Firefly fics still being discovered by new readers, but I continue to find new fanworks for all of those fandoms on my Tumblr dash and on AO3, mostly created by people who just now took a deep dive on Netflix and fell in love for the first time. Some of these canons have become dated, and several were not great in the first place, but they’re easy to become obsessed with and to say fresh things about. They’re also easy to maintain interest in. I’m not really creating new works in any of these fandoms anymore, but I eagerly pick up new fanworks by others when they come my way. One of the best fics I’ve read in the past year is a sparkling Garashir AU that you should read if you have any DS9 feelings at all. I’ve been disillusioned with the central Avengers storyline of the MCU for years now, but I’ll be damned if I ever stop reblogging Stucky gifsets.

You know what doesn’t get new fans or fanworks? Short, time-dependent fandoms that everyone consumes at once and then gets tired of quickly. I got a bajillion kudos in the first 48 hours when I wrote my one and only Venom fic, and I don’t think anyone has touched that thing since. It’s a pretty good fic, but nobody cares anymore. A decade ago, everyone was wild for Kradam, but I suspect that if I ask the dewy-eyed college students on my dash what a Kris Allen is, they will blink at me with sweet incomprehension. Last year, when Good Omens was the place to be, I followed a bunch of fandom-specific side blogs, all of which are now either abandoned or so slow they’re effectively defunct. I have dim memories of lingering on endless LJ photosets of Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson at some point in 2008, but I think we have erased this from our collective memory. In all of these cases, people got all their ideas and excitement out in one explosion of fannish energy, and then they moved on - usually drifting back to the large-canon fandoms they’d come from.

The flavor of this month is The Old Guard. Everyone is making gifs and writing fluffy backstory for Nicky and Joe. Almost everyone will be bored with this by Halloween. By then, there will be some other movie or RPF ship or live musical extravaganza that we are all either obsessed with or incepted into via fannish osmosis. Fandom needs these large, centralizing events to remind ourselves that we can all feel something in unison. But they don’t last.

That’s not to say that one kind of fandom source is better than another. Gilmore Girls is not a purer or more admirable source text than Lost Girl simply because you have forgotten that one of these shows exists. It’s just that some canons are better equipped than others to draw in and retain new fans, while others can’t sustain themselves without collective fannish energy to prop them up. And the best way to sustain any fandom is to lure your friends and neighbors into it, whether by talking up the merits of the canon or linking everyone to That One Fic or reblogging pretty gifsets until they give in. If everyone’s leaving the party, make a fresh batch of martinis. Chances are, a lot of people wanted to keep hanging around anyway, and a bunch of others were lurking by the door, wondering whether it was safe to come in.

#fandom #this might be a roswell blog soon #roswell new mexico #ds9 #enjoy your martini