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#they're both mdd too :)

creepypasta-darling · 4 months

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Creepypasta Mental Illness Headcanons

MASSIVE TW: TALKS OF MENTAL ILLNESS, SELF HARM, AND UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS. PLEASE CONTINUE WITH CAUTION, OR IF YOU ARE NOT IN A GOOD HEADSPACE, PLEASE IGNORE.

Tim/Masky

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Schizophrenia, Substance Depenency Disorder

I've said this before, and I will say this again: Tim is a whole different person from Masky. Tim is someone who I believe is more fearful and is prone to being sheepish until he blows up in anger. Masky on the other hand is a Protector, who shields them from pain and takes most of the blows. Tim has reason to fight for his freedom from Slender, and has even gone to great lengths to hide his identity from people to protect them against The Operator. Masky believes that in order to keep them safe, she must do what Slender says. She takes great pride in being part of the top 3 and being someone to rely on. She also takes pride in caring for the mansion and the people around her.

They both must have a pattern, or else everything and everyone they know will be on the verge of death. That is what happened in Marble Hornets, that is what happened in their childhood, that is what will happen now. This is also why they are addicted to Marijuana and prescription medication. However, it is for different reasons. Tim is addicted to prescription medication due to never wanting The Operator to have control over his life again. Masky is addicted to Marijuana due to the anger issues she feels deep inside, and has found that is the only way for her to think rationally.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Brian/Hoodie

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Schizophrenia, Social Anxiety Disorder, Insomnia, Amnesia

Much like Tim/Masky, Brain/Hoodie has to have a pattern so no one will die. This is also why he started the ToTheArk channel during Marble Hornets, to warn them before it was too late due to Jay. He takes great pride in being anonymous, it's almost like he's playing God. He can control who will live, and who will die just by his routine. Obviously, there's more to it. But not in his mind. Never in his mind.

He also has a lot of social anxiety, due to Marble Hornets. This gives him ample sleepless nights where he has nightmares of his past. He can't remember them when he wakes up, but it destroys him inside. He has no memory of his childhood due to it as well. When the Slender Sickness took over his mind, he lost a lot of memories. The only person in his life he remembers vividly is Tim. Everyone else he feels is part of a simulation, they are there but they have no personality. He can't understand why he can't form connections with others. He just knows they're out to get him.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Kate the Chaser

Social Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Schizophrenia, Insomnia, Amnesia

The things that keep Kate up at night from her past is haunting. She remembers bits and pieces, but most importantly her sister and the screams of the people she held dear. The windows, the doors, everything. She must check them all night long. She keeps herself in the dark so she can no longer feel the pain. She keeps herself secluded because of all of it, doing the same routine so no one else suffers how she did.

This leads to her taking longer to complete missions, forgetting people close to her, and suffering a lot of trauma because of it. To the point she sometimes forgets who she is at all. All she knows is that if Slender gets too close to others, she will be at fault. To her, it's all her fault. She can't separate herself from the monster in her mind, the monster under the bed, and even the monster in the forest. Although like Tim she has run multiple times to live a normal life, it all becomes ruined. She'd rather protect the world than try to do things for herself. She can't handle the pressure, and has a lot of self injurious scars to show it. She'd never say it though. She can't.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Rouge

Kleptomania, Schizophrenia, Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), Insomnia, Amnesia

She is in a constant state of panic and grief, she has lost so many children and she has suffered in ways that no one should. Due to this, she keeps her distance, and suffers from serious self injury and dark thoughts. Even though she doesn't realize it. She doesn't even know she does anything of the sort. She'll wake up to bloody sheets and people crying, but has no idea why. The dark thoughts just merge with her own, she can't even remember when they started. People try to help her, but she doesn't even realize she needs help.

Due to being in the woods, she has grown a hoarding mentality. She takes things from convince stores, grocery, even things she doesn't really want or need. The idea of getting caught is so foreign to her that she just never notices the people yelling at her to put it back. It even got to a point where cabin mates were locking their things and hiding it in ditches. She just thinks of how she can survive, and how she wants to live normally. Keeping these things will give her a joy for a little while, and even though it's short lived, she'd rather that then suffering anymore.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Nurse Ann

Antisocial Personailty Disorder (ASPD), Insomnia, Amnesia, Kleptomania, Schizophrenia

This girl is as standoff-ish as they come, often getting into fights with other housemates or simply having a cold demeanor. As a child she had conduct issues, which seemed to go away in her teens, only to return after her passing in her 20s. She had struggled with making genuine emotional ties with people, and even sought to make friendships more like partnerships due to the extent of her conduct issues. When she had fallen in love with the doctor at the local hospital she worked at, it was the first time she had even let someone into her life at that point. She had even removed her family from her life. But the doctor wasn't as good as he seemed, and how she is just as standoffish as before.

Like with Rouge, she has a hoarding mentality. She feels as if she has to take and take and take in order to survive due to her rapid decay of her body. She mostly takes first aid supplies and sewing needles and thread. Sometimes though she'll take things just to do something nice for herself.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Observer

Kleptomania, Antisocial Personailty Disorder (ASPD), Insomnia, Amnesia, Schizophrenia

I feel like this guy has the mind of 10 Einsteins. He's extremely calculated and has analyzed every situation in his head before it happens. Because of this, he doesn't really get along with a lot of people, but can convince them he does. It's all an act, he plays the part well, and he'll have you thinking how he does soon enough. He's very good at persuasion and will weave the conversation into ways he wants very easily. It's how he survived for this long, even before the events of TribeTwelve.

This is also why he gets away with a lot of shit. He steals quite often, and although part of him feels bad, he always thinks if it was really a problem people would catch him. He's so delusional he doesn't know people catch him all the time and just take it back. He struggles a lot with sleep, always has, ever since he was young. It causes him to have moments during the day where he legit just passes the hell out. Straight up. He'll faint and be gone for a couple hours only to come back and act like nothing has happened.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Kevin

Schizophrenia, Insomnia, Amnesia, Trichotillomania, Dysthymia, Anxiety Disorder

Poor Kevin. All he wanted to do was go to school, and now he's stuck in this Slender mess. He tries so hard to keep the little memories he has, but due to the Slender sickness it just escapes him. He can remember only his childhood, but the memories of his friends and older past fades so quickly.. He never remembers what he was doing or how he ended up here.

He just knows when he sleeps he's asleep for what feels like minutes, and when he's awake it feels like months. It makes him tear his hair out and picks his skin due to the stress. He struggles with body dismorphia and image issues due to the excessive picking and plucking. He does, however, try to get better. Even if it's while fighting the monster that has entered him.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

HABIT

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Insomnia, Amnesia, Dysthymia, Hypersexuality, Schizophrenia

This guy is so disoriented and so in love with himself, everyone else is so stupid and merely a vessel for him to manipulate, use, and destroy. It's scratch your back you scratch mine, but in a much more sinister way. It's more like you scratch my back I run my claws against yours until you bleed. Doesn't mean he can't be compassionate. Sometimes a little too much. When he loves, he adores, but when he hates, he loathes. If you catch him in a good moment you can see he honestly does care and tries to help, even if he knows the outcome won't be in your favor. Honestly, he's doing them a service if you think about it.

Everyone should praise him for it. Everyone should worship him as much as he worships himself. He's the only one with the cure to your ache. He's the only one with the answers. What do you mean he doesn't find satisfaction in humans? Sure he does. When it involves him dominating them in any way he can. Take that as you will. But he has so much darkness hidden behind the whimsical, behind how cruel he can be he sees himself in every victim, every love, every hate. He sees himself. He hates that and that's why he does it in the first place. He has a bad "habit" of picking his skin when he possesses someone for too long. It makes him itch thinking of the past and he hates that it gets to him so much. He's like a child, huge anger and no outlet. He doesn't even know why it hurts him so bad.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Evan

Bipolar Disorder I, Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Schizophrenia, Insomnia, Amnesia

He has no idea what's going on. One minute he's extremely there, in the moment, watching everything around him. He feels great, everything's great, he's with his friends and they are great. But then he looses his consciousness. All of a sudden he's watching through someone else's eyes, watching everything burn and fall apart. He's watching him hurt those he loves. He forgets what it's like not feel this bad. He doesn't remember his childhood or even the previous week. He feels so much guilt and shame, he isolates for what feels like months.

He's so caught up in staying away, he doesn't even see that he is growing angrier, and angrier, and angrier. He loses sleep over just the thought of everyone he's ever fought for, only to be left alone. When he finally returns, it's almost as if he's a new person. He never lets his anger out towards others, and it's all internal. The anger turns into grief. Grief over all he's lost due to his own outbursts. He's always been like this, but every time he feels so hurt and so alone. But everyone can see it. He is not okay. Until he is. And everything is great again.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Firebrand/Noah

Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Schizophrenia, Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), Insomnia

Some days he can't handle the pain. It's like there's a gnawing ache inside of him, he just wants it all to end, he wants this to be different. He misses Milo with such a heavy heart, it's almost maddening. He can't let go, that's the only person who understood him. He's the only person who stood up for him. The pictures, the letters, the voicemails. It's almost like he's there. Noah never feels like it'll go away. Grief lasts for lifetimes, and in every one of his nightmares he just sees the blood, the screaming, the anguish. he could have done more. He could have protected him. He could have understood. He can't let go of that.

It's such an overwhelming feeling, that it feels like it becomes permanent. He wakes up and barely goes to the restroom, he barely eats through the day, hell, before all of this stuff with Observer and Habit, Kevin was taking care of him most of the time. At least making sure he was alive. Noah occasionally has a moment where he doesn't dwell on it, and those days are like heaven. He can brush his teeth, he can watch TV, he can get his life together. But it's only for a little while before those thoughts creep back in again.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Eyeless Jack

Antisocial Personailty Disorder (ASPD), Social Anxiety Disorder, Binge Eating Disorder (BED), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)

Let's face it, before Jack even became a demon he had trauma up the ass. He was riddled with anxiety since he was a child and grew to hate people. He was often bullied due to his appearance and race and he never quite got a grip on his emotions from it, choosing to believe that people aren't worth the effort to care for. He can pretend he likes them, but in all honesty, he just doesn't care. His childhood was full of fighting parents and the pressure to be the perfect Asian American child. The American Dream was pushed so far down his throat, he could barely think. He learned being quiet and separating his emotions was easier than dealing with the pressure. He was never that bad, right? I mean, if he never did drugs, or drank, or went to these elaborate parties and just did what people wanted and did what he wanted after, it was fine. He wasn't damaged. Well. At least he thought so.

After the ritual, he became so hungry. He was plagued with hunger pains, and he would eat until he couldn't breathe. After eating the cult he tried to just live off animals and garbage from the forest that outskirted the school. He was too embarrassed to go back home. He looked like a monster. When he finally gave into his cannibalistic cravings, however, he would gorge himself sick. He felt so guilty for it. He never wanted this. Every time he eats he feels like he's watching the people who hurt him, imagining it was their organs instead of the person he's eating. It got so bad that he started to try to fast, to try to get rid of the thoughts. He tried exercising until he could barely walk. But it only made it so much worse.

Jeff

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Insomnia, Substance Depenency Disorder, Alcohol Use Disorder, Trichotillomania, Hypersexuality

Jeff is the type of guy who doesn't believe what he did was wrong, no, he did them all a favor. He's saving them from the pain of life. He's giving them a new start. They should be grateful that the last thing they see is someone as handsome as him. He's the only one who is good enough. He's good enough, right? He'll make you see he's good enough. He's the only one who can make you feel anything, pain or pleasure, and you have no reason to deny it.

What's hidden underneath though is a sad, sad man. After what happened at his parents house, he lost control of himself. For a while he was delusional, went on what seemed like an endless killing spree, stealing, stalking, doing anything he could to escape what he had done. But then one night the feelings from when he was a kid came back. He couldn't sleep. He could barely move, he was crying all the time. He was drinking until blackout, and started heavily using heroin. He would look in old mirrors and just see someone hideous. He tried to fix it. He tried to fix his hair, but ended up tearing it out. He goes back and forth between these two facades often of himself, almost in a trance.

BEN

Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Kleptomania, Trichotillomania

BEN was just a kid when he died, and he didn't really know anything about the world. The only thing he knew was that it was boring. Unfortunately, he would end up acting up in school because of it. He couldn't sit still, he has racing thoughts, and he would take and do things just because he thought about it. This didn't really sit well in the system, and he jumped from one school to the next often. Eventually, he had to be homeschooled, where everything took a turn for the worse.

When the abuse started happening, BEN tried to outrun it. He tried to leave the house on multiple occasions, but was caught by neighbors just trying to help out and his family who knew he's run to the arcade. He would steal cars and figured out how to hack gas station pumps to get credit cards and gas to try to run. He started to dissociate a lot, becoming almost paralyzed by it, pulling his eyebrow hairs and his eyelashes until they were bare. This unfortunately carried on into his afterlife as well.

Jane

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Schizophrenia, Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), Insomnia, Dermatillomania

Before Jeff had done what he did to her, Jane is very meticulous about her life. She woke up at 7 am, she made breakfast for her family, she'd walk to school and made sure not to step on cracks, she did her homework by 8 pm and went to bed at 10 pm. This was her whole life, she never changed.

That is until Jeff did what he did. She became obsessing over her locks on her doors and windows, and her routine became more strict. Her body refused to sleep until everything was secure, but it was always never enough. She started to hear voices and see shadows in the corners of her eyes, telling her she had to start all over or else he would get her. She started feeling bugs on her skin, and would pick at thr skin to get rid of the feeling. Eventually, her whole life revolved around Jeff and what Jeff had done. She had so say, no free will, And that's why she hates him so. He ruin her appearance. He ruined her family. He ruined her mind. She can't rest until she knows he's six feet under. She can't be free until then. But even then, was she ever free?

Nina

Bipolar Disorder II, Schizophrenia, Insomnia, Trichotillomania, Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Hypersexuality

Nina whole life had always been a rollercoaster. When she was a child, she was diagnosed with Schizophrenia, which created a ripple in her family. She became the sole caregiver to her brother, and they were tied from the hip. Which she could say the same about her parents, though. They stayed together, but they couldn't agree on what was best for Nina. Eventually, they gave up entirely on the other, and in turn their children. This made Nina hide her feelings a lot, and she ended up taking a particular kind eye towards serial killers and mass murderers, seeing them as a way out. She started picking her hair and messing with her features to better suit one of her idols, Jeff the Killer.

When she was 14 she was diagnosed with Bipolar, which just made things worse. Her already paranoid outlook became more protective of her brother, in turn almost making her the parent. She would get into physical fights, never taking blame, which passed to her brother. They would bounce off of each others emotions often, causing a greater rip in the household. She would go from extremely angry, depressed and sadistic for weeks on end to kind and nurturing, which prompted the diagnosis. When she was 18, She started to idolize killers more and more, until she would stay up reading their stories and watching court cases until it was the only thing she could think about. She began stabbing her pillow, imagining how they must have felt. It was almost orgasmic, and she started plotting for her own story soon. Well, until things didn't go to plan.

Liu/Sully

Bipolar Disorder I, Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Insomnia, Substance Depenency Disorder

Liu already had mental illness before Jeff had killed their family. Liu was 9 when he was diagnosed with OCD and Bipolar, often getting angry and acting out at home due to his family dynamic. His parents were always catering to Liu, trying to calm him down and make him better, but he never wanted that. He just wanted Jeff. He was the only person who ever understood Liu. They often would stay up late at night, talking about their dreams. Jeff even told Liu he would get him out of here, and he would live with Jeff, and all of the problems they'd face wouldn't matter. Liu believed that.

Until Jeff tried to kill him. It was a night that Liu had gone to bed early, which was out of his routine. Due to the trauma that Jeff caused, Liu gets flashbacks often of Jeff on top of him, stabbing pains and blurry vision. That's when Sully came around. He's a Protector alter Liu had. When Liu started to get flashbacks Sully would come out and act normal, act kind and generous, until they were in a safe space. However, it wasn't as safe as Liu hoped. Sully often indulged in Marijuana and cocaine, and refused to take meds for Liu's mental illness. This caused Liu to become addicted as well, which distorted his thinking tremendously.

Jason the Toymaker

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Kleptomania, Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), Hypersexuality, Substance Depenency Disorder

It's no secret that Jason has BPD and Kleptomania. Anyone who came in contact with the guy came to learn he has a tendency to "borrow" things from people he particularly likes. He also gets physically violent when called on his behavior, and has a very hard time distinguishing grey areas in people's actions. It's all bad or all good, never an in-between. He has very poor image of himself despite his efforts to appear flawless, and tends to self injurious behaviors because of it. It heals very quickly, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have to do patch jobs from time to time.

Because of Amelia, he grieves in very odd ways, and for very extended periods of time. Despite moving from victim to victim hastily, he keeps every one he has turned into a doll. He tries to make them to be the perfect friends, and even pretends they banter with him and have their own mind. People have tried to help him disconnect from his make believe reality, and he has tried therapy before. He doesn't feel like it works, however, and had gotten an addiction to Benzos and cocaine because of it. He is an energy vampire, and finds himself at parties and social gatherings a lot, feeding off the energy. He's tried harder drugs before, and drinks quite often, but in his words, "it's not the same as just swallowing a pill and having your world be better for a few minutes."

Candy Pop

Binge Eating Disorder (BED), Bipolar Disorder II, Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), Insomnia, Night Terrors, Hypersexuality

Candy Pop is honestly a dire situation, that people just don't know how to react to. There are two separate souls fighting every day all the time to be the front mask. Night Terrors is his own demon, and has his problems on his own that nobody really knows. The end of. Candy Pop, however, used to be so fun loving and happy, before all this mess. He still has heightened areas of manic episodes, which is more like his true self, but then he has periods of complete meltdown that makes it really hard for people to like him. This, along with the fact that he has years upon years of torture and guilt within him, makes for no reason for him not to have his own night terrors and Insomnia when he can sleep.

The guilt and shame also comes out in weird ways, in him having many sexual partners but only really craving his beloved who passed away, eating until he physically gets ill for days, and progressing to self injurious behavior and activities makes up his free time most of the time. The people who see him suffer are only those closest to him, and try everything in their power to make sure he's distracted. But they have their own problems, and when he needs to take off steam, he'll find a way. It's terrifying how he has become his own inner monster, in a sense.

Bloody Painter

Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Amnesia, Hypersexuality, Social Anxiety Disorder

Due to excessive bullying in his younger years, Helen never really learned that people could not be jerks. Early on, even before the massacre, he kind of only interacted with people if it meant something was in it for him. In fact, he did this even outside of school. His parents never knew, but he would meet up with strangers to take care of his business. It gave him a sense of self worth and esteem.

However, outside of these interactions, he was very quiet, lonely, and isolated. He never felt like he could talk to anyone about how he felt, and although he persevered, he still has issues with trusting people and letting them in. His depression from isolation comes in rages, where after he gets out his frustration, he feels peace again. After the massacre, He had lost all memory of what life was like before the massacre, not even remembering his own last name. He has yet to remember.

Judge Angels

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Dysthymia, Social Anxiety Disorder

Dina had a lot of trauma growing up in a house where no one truly listened nor was able to understand Dina. Constantly being isolated from other kids and being kept on a leash, being told that she would be ridiculed and mocked for her appearance, has made her dislike the thought of people entirely. Mix that with her father's physical and verbal abuse did not help the situation, either.

When her mother passed away, Dina had lost the only person who had genuinely tried to help. She didn't just lose her mother, but her only friend as well. She had a deep hatred towards men specifically, and it takes a long time for her to see the good in people. Having frequent panic attacks over eyes on her and always feeling like the center of attention, she also feels quite isolated and empty. She has very strong rages that are extremely violent and easily turn to disaster. She also has an addiction towards self injury, and picks at her skin, especially around the nape of her neck and her hips. It was so bad, in fact, when she had met Helen, he had to patch up her left hip, because the skin was hanging by a shred.

Clockwork

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), Bipolar Disorder I, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)

Natalie is not someone to mess with, and she makes sure it's known. She was diagnosed with the majority of her illness as a teen and has been on meds galore. But nothing really seemed to help calm her nerves enough to take the edge off. Everything Natalie does is due to fight or flight and extremely routine. She's been fighting for her life for years, and when she finally got free from that fear of running out of time, she snapped. Hard. Before, if she had flashbacks, she would isolate herself for weeks at a time, doing nothing but homework and drawing. Now, she makes it everyone's problem, often telling people in graphic detail of her emotions not with calm words, but with violent threats.

However, this doesn't mean she's all fighter. You can often catch Natalie sitting by herself. If you can catch her in the right moment, she is somber, often lost, like a little girl waiting for her parents to be home. If she cries in front of you, it means you are the closest thing to a friend she has ever had. And if she actually talks about the abuse, she'll tell you how she wants out of the life she is living and wants to return to a normal life, but she doesn't want to go to jail. If anyone has any chance of getting better, it's Natalie. She has years of therapy under her belt and has gone through so much trauma that she has faced on her own will to get better, that if anyone put their mind to it and actually got out successfully, it would be her.

Laughing Jack

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Dysthymia, Hypersexuality, Anxiety Disorder

Unfortunately Jack has dealt with traumatizing situations in his early use, and has never gotten help for it because, well, he's an entity. So of course he is riddled with anxiety. He listened to abuse in a box for years, getting abandoned from the person he was made to be with. This causes him to have very violent anger outbursts that sometimes prevent him from being let into the mansion. This is part of the reason he has dual housing.

Also it's probably a shocker to most when they learn of his Hypersexuality, but Jack was in a home full of sexual activity and abuse. It had gotten to a point where when he's super anxious or having bad flashbacks he'll pick his hair, but not in the places people would expect. Jack is a toy, sure, but an anatomically correct one at that. He has a tendency to pluck his pubic hairs and hairs on his armpits, which is an ode to Issac. (Issac had done this in his time alive, away from Jack, but the more distorted Issac got the more distorted Jack got. Jack ended up with a lot of traits he can't remember where they started from due to this.)

Julius The Dressmaker

Anorexia Nervosa, Substance Depenency Disorder, Alcohol Use Disorder, Bipolar Disorder II, Antisocial Personailty Disorder (ASPD)

Julius has had enough of people, in all honesty. He's found how to manipulate people's perception of him into positivity, although in all honesty his demeanor is cold and standoffish. When he's having episodes however he's very energetic, almost as if he's floating on clouds. All his past partners get extremely freaked out by it, especially with the mix of substances he uses. His moods are always 100%, and he often has violent tendencies.

At one point they thought he had a conduct disorder as a child due to the inappropriate interactions people had with him. He's either extremely violent or flattering, and goes between praising you to degrading you in seconds. He's extremely harsh on himself as well, going from loving how he looks to thinking how absolutely revolting he is. He has always hated how he looked, and had texture issues, and ends up forcing himself to be extremely malnourished and fragile. Although he won't admit it, he is considerably more weak in terms of strength, and if it wasn't for him being a demon, most people would have possibility to overcome him.

Killian

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Orthorexia Nervosa, Substance Depenency Disorder, Alcohol Use Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Hypersexuality

Killian has had a rough childhood, to say the least. He often has flashbacks and night terrors of abuse he can barely remember, due to blocking them out unintentionally in his teen years. Because of his childhood, he not only began to hang with wrong people early on, but began to have distorted self image. Everyone has always loved his looks, so he uses his looks as a way to prey on people. Constantly having sex and disregarding people for his bad behavior, he believes although he is disrespectful and disgusting, he is the closest thing to God, and people should praise him for being who he is.

Also the mix of substances and alcohol makes this perception worse. He believes he's so much better than others, but then he thinks he is the embodiment of evil. Although these thoughts consume him regularly, he tries to push them down, again, unintentionally. It comes out in ways that are strange to him. Everyone loves his looks, but he must have a structured schedule to stay looking good. Forcing strange food rules and refusing to eat outside of them, usually ending up forcing his partners to follow them as well or degrading them when they eat something outside of his own rules. Although he is much healthier than his peers, deep down he's hurting from things he doesn't know he's hurting from.

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myrthing · 2 months

Text

I am James Somerton.

or, This Is Not A Defence of James Somerton Because He Fucking Sucks

The thing I've been thinking about since I watched Folding Idea's unlisted video about Somerton's second apology yesterday is how much I recognised myself in Dan's analysis of James, and how conflicted I've felt since then.

I should start by saying that as a Swedish lesbian woman with autism, ADHD and MDD, who has neither college degrees nor work experience, but who does have scruples, burnout, a sense of responsibility, some talents (if no way to consistently use them), a desire to create, basic financial sense, and a living parent who can read; I'm actually not like James Somerton at all.

But those are really rather superficial differences, aren't they? What got me thinking is the line with which Folding Idea ends his video:

"Ambition without actions and avenues to achieve them are called fantasies."

That is both an accurate analysis of James Somerton's personal failings, and a summary of me. The ambition to be something without the ability to put in the work needed to succeed. A deep-rooted optimism about how things will always work out in the end, somehow.

In James's case, this is currently demonstrated by his unwavering conviction that he will be able to return to YouTube. He hasn't considered the alternative. I don't think he can—the idea that he has permanently destroyed his chances of being a youtuber is too big, too real, so instead of engaging with that reality, he pretends to himself that he can't see it. Out of sight, out of mind. Literally, apparently, if we take James's account of his TBI at face value.

I want many, many things. I have many, many ideas. I would like to be a successful [anything]. I have imagined myself in many careers, from freelance editor to self-published author to youtuber. Anything that would, like James, enable me to work from home. It's partially desperation: after all, how else would I get a job as a disabled woman in her mid-30s who has never been employed and who can't go back to school?

I'm also loath to the idea of doing work. Self-employment is hard and it requires dedication. I would like to have already achieved my success, thank you very much. None of us can say what the reasons are behind James's unwillingness to work (although laziness is certainly not unlikely). For me, though? It's probably a combination of certain autism symptoms that I've dealt with since I was a child, and the burnout I suffered from in high school. Those aren't excuses, they're embarrassing weights I carry around to remind me of why I'm a failure.

This is what has been on my mind because of Somerton. I found myself not empathising with him, but recognising certain attitudes as a mid-30s adult with a disability (between the TBI and epilepsy as Somerton describes them, he certainly qualifies as disabled) who has been largely shielded from consequences. Although James certainly also seems willfully ignorant of his actual faults in a way I don't think I am. If nothing else I do know how to genuinely apologise. And I can cite sources! I know how to do that even without completing though school or managing even one term in university!

My mother—who can read, thank you very much—would eviscerate me if didn't. Besides, I entered fandom shortly after Cassie Clare's plagiarism scandal. It was instructional.

This is a goddamn ramble, so I'm going to end this by putting all cards on the table, and admit I actually have one (more) thing in common with James Somerton:

My dad, you see, can't read.

Because he's dead. I'M SORRY I'M NOT SORRY I CAN'T NOT MAKE THESE JOKES HE DIED WHEN I WAS TWO

#james somerton #autism #myling: just that impossible to shut the fuck up

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pixelchills · 1 year

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Okay so, I've been discussing this thing for the future of 'My dear Daffodil' on my second twitter account for a couple of weeks now, and I'd like to hear all of my readers thoughts on it now :>

Tldr at the end.

MDD = My Dear Daffodil

ANSSW = A Not so Sunny World (both, the main story and the prequel)

So, for the record: MDD was never fully planned the way A Not so Sunny World was. I have constructed the story arcs, dramas, character deaths and relationships way before I even started writing ANSSW. Even though some small changes were made, most of it stayed the same according to my original plan.

However, since MDD is an alternative universe mostly created in the means of humour, domesticity and non-zombie related drama, and especially to include Solar in the universe where he would be loved and given the place to heal, rather than being send to the death row.

So the question I've had hanging around has been mostly about Sun and Solar, and the fact they're going to spend 9 years together before the locations merge. What would you think their relationship will become once Moon joins in and eventually starts dating Sun?

In ANSSW, the couple of encounters Sunrise had with Solar gave Solar a very "forced brotherhood" -vibe, where Solar would insists Sun being his little brother due to the fact Dr Weston was their supervising doctor. Sun always said no, he was not his brother, he had no siblings, and was shown to be very uncomfortable around Solar and his weird fixation on familyhood with someone he had only seen once.

Now, in MDD universe, Sunrise was created to complement Solar's personality, and fix the problems and mistakes Dr Weston had made with Solar. Due to this, Sunrise is technically "made for Solar" just like Solar himself seemed to think about it.

So this is where things get tricky; a seemingly lot of people wish to Solar have a second chance in love. And in this universe, it could work in many ways. But since the story is still mostly focused on Sun's POV, I am interested to hear what do you think could happen in this universe?

The nine years Solar and Sun are gonna spend together will not change no matter which approach I take with their relationship later. Solar is gonna take Sun under his wing a bit too literally and cause the similar "innocence" stay with Sun until the Megaplex arc by babying him and channelling the 'caretaker code' solely towards Sun.

But after Sun and Moon meet again and start their relationship, there is a chance to let Solar join them in a polycule.

Again, this is why I need to know it this early, so I know which way I will write Solar's feelings towards Sun;

Is he gonna take the role as a forced big brother like he seemingly teased Sun in ANSSW, or,

Is he gonna try to protect Sun from love despite thinking Sun was "created for him" and surpressing his own growing feelings for years just because he doesn't want either of them to get hurt?

If the story would go with the latter, Solar would still take some time to join Sun and Moon in a polycule if that's what you're up to. There's a possibility to make them form a throuple, where everyone ia dating everyone, or a simple V polycule where Moon is dating both Solar and Sun but Sun and Solar are not dating each other.

The main reason why I am asking this is because now that I think about it, Sun and Moon dating while Solar just watches them as a third wheel feels a bit cruel, since his own love ended so poorly and literally destroyed him.

So that's why I'd love to hear your opinions this. Which way would you be interested to see the story go?

I do not want to cause confusion, and I originally planned to keep the 'Solar and Sun are brothers' -thing as something that would make Sun feel uncomfortable and forcedbly too close to Solar in Sun's mind, but since MDD is set a bit differently I wouldn't mind taking another approach to their relationship.

But I will not write brothers to lovers sort of thing because that's just a big no. I do not write or draw or support incest or incest ships at all.

So... Your thoughts? Would you want Solar to end up with Sun and Moon (or only with Moon) in a polycule (after he learns to shower again), or should he stay loveless in the means of romantic love?

In any case I'm gonna keep Sun and Solar's relatioship as co-workers and friends instead of the siblinghood in this story, because it was sort of my idea all together after I came up with the 'Sunrise was created to complement Solar' thing.

Sorry for the long ramble, I have a lot of thoughts I need to get out of my head but I do not want to confuse people or make anyone think I support incest, by writing Sun and Solar as brothers and then as lovers. Solar's first thought of Sun was that he was his girlfriend/boyfriend in MDD (and it was supposed to be like that in ANSSW too, but since Solar was sure about his own upcoming death I don't think he would think that Dr Weston created him a partner so...)

Please tell me your opinions, or any sort of discussion in comments, reblogs or to my ask box or DMs.

As I said, MDD was never planned the way ANSSW was, so there's a lot of plotholes and storylines I need to decide on, and I do like to think of them early enough before writing so the story connects and flows from the beginning to the very end somewhat flawlessly :>

TLDR; Should I write Solar as a later lover to Sun and Moon instead of a 'big brother' -figure in MDD?

#animutants #moon #sun #a not so sunny world #fnaf sb #fnaf #solar #sunrise #moondrop #sun x moon #polyamory #polycule #my dear daffodil

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dolly-birdi · 5 days

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Imomo dolls have such high potential, but I don't like people simply praising them for being "cheaper alternative to mdds/puyoodolls" because I feel like that will just set people up for disappointment.

The sculpts and designs of the bodies and heads are so cute and fantastic! And the fact that they offer tan bodies for no additional cost and have them highly available is great!

But the internal structure and joints of these dolls are so badly designed it's ridiculous. I don't care how "cheap" a doll is (and honestly, the $60-100 they charge is not that cheap), the HEAD SHOULD STAY ON THE BODY. I originally ordered the 1st release of the Miko body, but then had to order the v2 after the 1st one broke while trying to fix the joints. Here's all the issues I encountered:

1. I had to cut the ankle and knee pegs on both bodies so that they'll actually fit with their body parts and the calves wouldn't look detached and just helicopter around on their pegs. The 2nd body literally came with the pegs of the knees and ankles exposed because they were so long. (cutting the ankles is how I broke the 1st one btw)

2. I had to add tape or nail polish top coat to the pegs in the shoulders, thighs, ankles, knees, and neck so that they wouldn't be loose or keep popping out. This worked ok for most of these, but the thighs are still pretty loose. If I move the legs up, they will immediately fall back down unless the knees are flexed as well. It was a pain in the ass trying to get the thighs back on the pegs btw. It literally took me almost an hour to do that alone.

3. The insides can be seen through the bust seamline easily, and the bust/neck peg want to pop off frequently. It's almost like the bust part doesn't even fit on the torso. I feel like it's less noticeable with the large bust though.

4. I ordered the silicone neck donuts you're supposed to put on the neck before the head so it doesn't wobble and fall off as much (sold separately), but it does basically nothing. I used both donuts (one on the neck and one inside the head), and both of the silicone screw things, but still had to jam pieces of a wedge sponge in the back of her head to stop the wobbling. (The wobbling is also worse when you put on a wig, the weight of it automatically pulls the head back if it's long at all)

5. I ordered the extra pairs of hands, but will likely never be able to use them because it's so impossible to take the hands off. I would try heating them, but they're such a hard plastic compared to DD hands that I'm not sure if it would even help and I'd be worried about breaking it.

6. Not really a major issue, but I guess the heads are also too smooth to keep a wig on properly, so I had to use a silicone headcap. In my experience, faceups seem more likely to chip or get damaged, similarly to resins. I think there just isn't much grip on the plastic.

Overall, I did not enjoy the Imomo experience and wouldn't recommend one to someone unless they REALLY wanted an affordable 1/4 tan anime doll. Otherwise I don't think they're worth it. I've seen some people say that their dolls arrived with none of the above issues, but that just tells me that their quality control is awful. The doll feels really janky and like she'll just explode into pieces at any moment, so I'm too afraid to pose or play with her. The price doesn't really justify these issues imo, because you can just buy other dolls for similar prices that are fully functioning out of the box.

If Imomo was to fix these issues I would be singing their praises to the heavens, because the outer designs of these dolls are impeccable! But the inner workings need a LOT of fixing.

#imomodoll #imomo #imomo dolls #anime bjd #dolls #doll collector #dollblr

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gothixm00nz · 3 months

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I find it so funny how the ONE TIME I make an oc that doesn't have any severe trauma (she has low-level trauma due to depression and unfortunately sh) is a Spidersona / X-Men oc

this ended up being way too long, so feel free to skim it or even skip it. i ramble way too much jfc

Melanie Kulani Palakiko (she's Hawaiian! :)) is the spidersona I've had for a hot minute and I finally rewrote her storyline and even gave her a new appearance. In this new iteration of Melanie, she now exists in the Ultimate Spider-Man universe, but also the X-Men. Specifically the X-Men live action movies because I can do whatever I want. God gave me free will, it was a mistake. And yes, yes. I am fully away that 95% of my ocs are scene or emo, but I don't fucking care. I LOVE making ocs that look like they just walked right out of 2007! Plus for Mel, it works. Her story takes place from 2000 to 2014.

Mel has no trauma surrounding her home life, school, work, nothing. The trauma she does have is being heavily depressed and losing Peter (who is her best friend, fight me) I didn't want her to be traumatized. I wanted her and Peter to be analogous - or similar but not entirely the same. They both were bitten by an OZ corp spider (two different ones and Mel was bitten four months earlier), they both have a very strong sense of justice and a desire to save people, but that's where the similarities really end.

Peter is traumatized because he's lost so many people he's loved and he uses that to save others so nobody else will suffer, but Melanie has low-level trauma due to suffering from MDD (major depressive disorder) her entire life. Her mother, grandparents and aunt are still alive and safe, she doesn't know the pain of losing someone so near and dear to her. She just wants to help people because she can't bear the thought of people suffering when she could help.

That's why she went to the institute and joined the X-Men. But Peter does things his own way. That's what makes them such great friends, they're so similar yet vastly different.

Also sometimes it's nice to have a character who ISN'T drowning in immense amounts of trauma... Mel is just too precious to me to give her trauma. I love her so much bro 😭

(Off topic; another thing that sets Pete and Mel apart is the fact that Pete has beef with Wolverine, but Melanie is unabashedly in love with him.)

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thedarkthingcreator · 7 months

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What are mood swings? Instantly understand 5 causes

Varies in the mood:

Have you ever had moments of satisfaction followed by irritability? When you're having a good time, chirping and dancing around the house, and then you find yourself lying in bed thinking about your entire life.

Daredevil, there's no real significance to these feelings—they're just the product of your hormones. They are just mood fluctuations. Mood swings are defined as an abrupt or notable shift in one's emotional state. A person experiencing mood swings may go from an upbeat, enthusiastic condition to one of melancholy, irritation, or wrath in an instant. You can take advantage of these indications of mood swings when you experience them. What does a man's or woman's mood fluctuation mean? Five typical causes

While mood fluctuations are Frequently perceived as affecting women, they impact individuals of all sexes. Generally speaking, the biggest causes of mood swings are poor diet, lack of sleep, and substance misuse. Mood swings can affect anybody and everyone for the following reasons:

Bipolar illness:

Mental disease or a mood-related disorder (depression) are the causes of mood swings with highs and lows (manic or hypomanic). Bipolar MDD, also referred to as clinical depression, is a dangerous illness that can have a variety of effects on a person's life.

Having trouble sleeping:

Your body and brain are at rest from the outer world when you are sleeping. Just before bed is the ideal time for your body to recuperate. As a result, getting too little sleep frequently makes you agitated and unhappy. In other words, getting too little sleep might lead to irritability and a short fuse. Severe mood swings can result from sleep deprivation, which can cause mood changes. Studies show that individuals with sleep disorders have reduced pleasant moods and an increase in negative emotions (such as rage, irritation, impatience, and depression).

Bringing blood sugar down:

Low blood sugar may be the cause if you've ever felt like you're "hanging," which is when you're both hungry and irate. This is what happens to some people who go a long period without eating. If your blood sugar is low, you could feel confused, lonely, angry, or melancholy. You can even get the want to cry or yell.To feel better, you ought to eat something. The brain, which stores your emotions and thoughts, depends on glucose to function. If you don't give your brain enough energy, that is, if your blood sugar is low, your brain may become unhinged. Even though you can feel like everything is too much for you, this could be a medical symptom of hypoglycemia.

Underline:

Stress can arise at any time in life, be it at the office following work, at home following housework, or for any other reason. Extended periods of stress can lead to depressive, angry, or bitter sensations as well as mood swings and unpleasant thoughts. Once you shift your focus from the primary cause of your stress, you'll begin to feel better. Regular exercise has been shown to reduce stress.

Coffee:

Some may be surprised to learn that even caffeine can make some people feel moody. Your mood swings may be caused by the coffee, soft drinks, and other drinks you drink. Because caffeine stimulates your neurological system, it may cause you to become more alert than usual. Regular consumption will cause your body to become accustomed to its effects. At this point, attempting to cut back on your consumption will likely make you feel depressed and moody. You might get agitated, restless, nervous, or weary.

How can you control or manage mood swings?

Although it might be challenging to manage mood swings, there are things you can do to help them:

Establish a schedule: Make an effort to set up time for yourself, particularly for eating and

Concentrate on your present emotions:

Regular exercise Frequent exercise improves nearly every element of your health, including your emotional state. You might be firmer and more at ease since your muscles are loosened and relaxed.

Make time for sleep:

It's crucial to have a good night's sleep, and not getting enough sleep might have an impact on your mood. Adopt a well-rounded diet:

You can preserve your health and elevate your mood with a well-balanced diet.

Practice relaxation techniques such as yoga or meditation when you're feeling restless or agitated. It's easier said than done, so try not to overstress yourself. If you're unable to stop worrying, consider using music, friends, or other hobbies as ways to divert your attention.

Talk to it:

Speak with a trusted friend, relative, counsellor, or other individual. Some natural remedies for irritability and mood swings have been discussed above, along with tips for controlling mood swings naturally.

Have mental health issues? Don't wait; schedule a session at GoodLives right now.

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eirian-houpe · 1 year

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Hello, Cedar, dear! It's your bread-scent loving Santa! You made me feel warm and nostalgic reading your answer! And, as fate does it, right after reading your reply I've stumbled upon bread scented candle which I immediately bought (well, not bread, but croissant, but it's somewhere in that space haha). Now I made it my own special ritual to light this specific candle while I create your gift 😌 I hope you're having a good week this far, and today I'm here to ask you some more questions (bc your Santa is nosy af)! 1. Do you consider yourself a funny person? How can you describe your sense of humour in a few words? 2. What is your top-3 Rumbelle fics? 3. Aaaand of course, which Anyem pairing do you like the most? Is there one that has taken your heart? Sending you love and only positive vibes, xoxo, Santa

Hello, Santa. I am having a reasonable week so far - though it's only Monday, but it was a good Monday, so I guess that counts for something, right? Just four more days until Winter Break begins!

I love your questions, and I shall try to answer them in the same way that I have the others - but without going on too much. I do that sometimes, you know.

The first question. I don't really consider myself a funny person. I mean I guess I might be, but I don't see it that way. It's a tricky thing to be funny when MDD and anxiety have their twin hooks in you. You know, the person I think that does manage to be funny even with all of her mental disorders is a writer called, Jenny Lawson. She wrote a couple of books that I love to pieces, one is called Let's Pretend this Never Happened, and the other is called Furiously Happy. They're a scream if you ever get the inkling to read something like that. As for my sense of humor, I have an incredibly dry sense of humor (inherited that from my dad), and sarcasm is my second language - I'm quite fluent.

My top three Rumbelle fics? Oh boy! Now you're asking the tough questions. Without a doubt, I'd have to say The Long Game by @emospritelet without whom I wouldn't even be a part of the Rumbelle community. It was her fic that first made my dip my toe in the Tumblr Rumbelle community. Another of my favorite fics is Awake by @peacehopeandrats. I love the concept, (and I love the show that gave the inspiration for the fic too). I'm hoping they will find inspiration to write more of it. My third is a tie really between Jupiter's Water and Fortis Fortuna Adiuvat both of which are by @deliriumsdelight7. I just can't choose between the two.

The Anyem pairing threw me for a bit of a loop, because of course I read Anyelle first of all, which is a much easier question to answer. (It being Rushbelle). But Anyem... that's a tricky one. I can't honestly say that I've read many Anyem to be honest. However, thinking about it, (quite hard), Nadia Sierri/Robert Sutherland. I think that one would be interesting.

Hope you are also having a good week so far, and are keeping the Gabriel faith. :) This time of year my mind runs to Jethro Tull though. Solstice Bells.

#rumbelle secret santa #Eirian's Santa

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kyuutai-kansetsu-ningyou · 5 years

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hey! i recently followed your blog, what you do is really amazing!! if it's not too much trouble to ask, i was wondering how you even start getting into making your dolls? especially with your kirumi and nene doll, i really want to make one of my own with that kind of style! they're super cute...

aaaaa thank you so so so so SO much <3

Honestly where I start is a concept! Nene’s concept was “a cute girl who always looks worried” and Kirumi’s concept was literally just “menhera fashion grumpy girl”. The concept should be something you’re passionate to see come to life! Certain clothing styles will be easier to get clothes and props for than others, but don’t let that stop you from making whatever you want!

If you like to draw, then draw out some faces for your doll. Hairstyle can be changed really easily so it’s not terribly important to pick one right away. If you’re not confident in your drawing ability, using dress-up avatar apps is a really fun way to make characters! My favorite one for cute anime-styled dolls is called Pastel Girl.

The dolls you mentioned are both Mini Dollfie Dream dolls from Volks, who has both a US webstore and a Japanese (but ships globally) webstore. Their heads are heavily modified DDH-01 sculpts, which have become kind of scarce due to customizers buying lots and lots of them the moment they restock. Other great head choices for MDD bodies from Volks are DDH-04 and DDH-10! Some other companies that make compatible heads are Parabox and Dollce. Modding is fun, but unless you have a rotary sanding tool it will take quite a long time. You don’t necessarily need a dremel, there are cheaper options! Of course you could always pay a customizer to do it for you as well, there are lots of talented people here and on etsy and instagram!

As far as faceups (the makeup, but the whole face) go, I could make a whole separate post about that cause there’s so much that goes into talking about materials and technique.

I think the biggest hurdle to get over is the cost. A nude Mini Dollfie Dream body and head totals around $350 (US dollars). The head is the most important part when making your character, and the heads from Volks are about $40, so not too bad. Luckily, if you’re not alright with spending that large amount for the body at once, you can even buy the body in its separate parts! Just be careful to get your pieces all in the same skin tone and the same body type (the new body type is called f3, so either get all f3 parts or all non-f3 parts)

You can get clothes anywhere doll clothes are sold! Etsy, Alice’s Collections, Ebay, taobao, and of course Volks sells clothes too (really well-made ones! but usually expensive). For volks MDD fitting clothes, just search “MSD” and “MDD”, and avoid any listings that say “minifee” or “slim MSD”.

And that’s the (long) basics of it all! Sorry if I rambled too much!

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shibalen · 3 years

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Hetalia / 𑁍 & ꨄ︎(giftbox not sure if unicode is broken?) | I'm genderfluid (afab) and use any pronouns, Memphis is my alias! I'm pansexual with a bit of a male lean as I prefer masculine appearances (on others and myself). INFJ & a Hufflepuff! I hold morals above all else and am hyper empathetic. I have ADD MDD & PD. Still after kind of being stepped on my whole life I've started to get a 'fuck off' attitude as self defense. I love to draw and sing, and rescue orphaned and sick animals.

♡︎ matchup for anon

hetalia: i match you with . . .

basch zwingli !!

• okay, i believe you can melt that indifferent demeanor of his! although your attitudes appear to be quite similar, actions speak louder than words. once you begin to show empathy and kindness towards him Basch will eventually warm up to you as well. what follows after is a strongly established relationship built on trust, loyalty and mutual understanding ♡︎

• you two fit well together because you're both in it for the long run and want to have a deep connection with your partner, to understand them and to communicate with them. patience is the key. you're ready to put in commitment and look for the same effort from the other. naturally, you're not disappointed!

• Basch never takes your emotions for granted because he knows what is most valuable to him. he believes in hard work instead of taking advantage of others, and if anyone even tries to hurt or step on you again, they're in for a world of pain . .

• you met through Lilli as she befriended ´ you when you kept bumping into each other to draw landscapes. you immediately reminded her of her brother so she had had plans to introduce you two for a while now. of course, she didn't rush and even when she did invite you over for the first time, it was just to see the alps. then you briefly met Basch while hanging out with Lilli.

• but Lilli sneakily kept inviting you over again and again until the two of you didn't need her anymore to keep up the conversation at the tea table. at first, it was she who introduced the new topics (and funny/embarrassing stories about Basch when he was younger) but it gradually ended up with you and Basch sinking into either a very meaningful conversation or a lighthearted one about your interests.

• the more you began opening up the ´ more Basch felt like you were an intriguing person and someone he could trust. your common love for animals was a HUGE bonus. all in all, the beginning of your relationship was a little slow and clumsy but definitely worth the wait!

• sometimes it is difficult for him to understand how you can be so empathic towards people who might not even deserve it. he is very protective and doesn't want you to exhaust yourself with trivial matters. also has a checklist of any medication you may need to take or ways you need to take of yourself. he cares so so much about you but his fussiness can make it overwhelming.

• will hold himself in line and apologise though if you remind him he doesn't need to worry so much about you. if you tell him you appreciate his thoughtfulness nevertheless Basch will get blushy and flustered, guaranteed!

• you're the one to stop him when he gets too trigger happy over trespassers *cough* Feliciano *cough* because you're one of the few people whose thoughts matter to him. Basch rarely gives anyone else his time of the day without a proper reason but he'll listen to you any day. you are . . . quite powerful

• Basch also wants to teach you how to protect yourself, and if it's okay with you he'll show you how to hold a gun. if not, he understands and settles for him always being there for you ♡︎

• another good thing about Basch is his listening abilities. no matter what you want to talk about he's there to hear you out and give advice (´ ∀ ` *) maybe not the best with words but because he's really clever he almost always has a good solution in mind. really reliable and loves helping you!

• despite having money for days, Basch is a huge cheapskate so shopping trips with him can he very fun (coming up with alternative, cheaper but efficient solutions for what you need) or very boring depending on how much you tend to spend yourself. his gifts to you are usually handmade and really sweet. he puts a lot of thought into them while we thinking what you'd like the best ♡︎

• once he even carved two wooden guinea pigs for your birthday, man is amazing with his hands after all. but he did not expect you to laugh and say they look like you two.

"i will just have to make sure to keep them together at all times."

" . . . "

"Basch?"

"k-keep them where ever you want. as long as it makes you happy."

• makes up a lame excuse like having to go cut the cake or feeding the animals to get a moment to cool down. why do you have to be so precious??? of you ever give him anything (unless it's food) he's going to treasure it with all of his heart !!

• Fonts for Android and iPhone - www.fontskeyboard.comyour dates would include crafting of all kinds, taking care of the animals you've resqued (ALSO HIS GOATS OKAY), picnics. anything more private really is his under his preference and it's good you seem to be the same. really he just likes having you all to himself (´･ᴗ･ ` )

𑁍 jewellery box

— favourite memory with you

what truly made a lasting memory was when you insisted on staying a night in the barm to take care of an ill cow. Basch was baffled because it was already autumn and quite cold. you'd get ill! but you were persistent and soon he had no other choice but to join you, deep inside understanding your determination to make sure the animal was all right. that night you cuddled up in the hay when you had time to sleep although poor Basch was stiff as stone throughout it all ｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡ it was memorable, definitely and he did not regret it ♡︎

— favourite activity to do together

taking you around to see the scenery of his home. they calm the mind and heart, plus quality time is definitely one of his love languages so peacefully spending time with you is time well spent!

— favourite place to kiss you

very, very shy unfamiliar with physical touch so when he does kiss you it's mostly on the forehead, temple or cheek. he grows more confident overtime though, don't worry. he holds you gently by the waist, making you feel safe in his arms.

— favourite nicknames to call you by

Basch isn't the one for nicknames since he thinks your name is better than any term of endearment. on rare and intimate moments, however, he might call you his schatz which means treasure. how wholesome (´ ω `♡)

— favourite thing about you

he loves your kind, strong heart. although people have treated you badly in the past you haven't shut away your caring side, now showing it towards animals and people you can trust. Basch is a little similar to you in that sense but at times he thinks he cannot connect with others the way you do, and that's something he admires about you greatly.

ꨄ︎ gift box

— Basch looks confident in about any situation but being with you is a whole new experience. he gets stuck in his thoughts easily when he thinks about how he can make you happy.

— physical affection is a slow process if you're not the one to indicate it. still, later on Basch sometimes works up the courage despite his nervousness.

— another kind of way he looks at you, eyes wide with amazement at how you once again surprised him.

— there are times when you have to reassure him that he isn't making you regret being with him. he may not look like it but he wonders about it more than you might think.

— it's really easy for me to imagine comfortable silence between you. whether it's taking in the same beauty or doing something in the same room, you don't always need to exchange words to appreciate the other's presence ♡︎

♡︎ runner up: Yào Wáng

helloooo! this one really brought out my inner fluff writer. i tried to keep the gifs gender neutral, hopefully they're okay. also i hope this will find you eventually !! i am sorry about all the waiting but thank you for your extreme patience ;-; have a nice day and make sure to treasure yourself ♡︎

#len's matches #matchups #anon #hetalia matchups #memphis

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yellow-pink-princess-blog · 6 years

Text

Hi, I'm Andy, and I feel terrified that I will never get better. I have MDD, simply put as major depressive disorder. I don't remember the last time I properly brushed my teeth or folded my clothes or said hi to a friend in a way that isn't disinterested. I took citalopram or antidepressants whatever way you wish to look at it but I took the medication for a short period of time before finding out that it was worsening my depression. Now this isn't a sad story ending with a suicide attempt or something like that, this is just a story of how I deal with it. My bedroom walls are green and I have 2 windows that I refuse to put curtains in because apparently sunlight helps. I watch try not to laugh videos in the mornings to at least begin the day with a smile. Granted I'm mostly at school and I smile every morning with my friends Nick, Caleb, AJ, and Sammy...all of which are males but the girls at my school kinda suck and fly with their legs but my friends are great. Nick will let me drink half of his moutain dew if he slept well the night before, Sammy will tell jokes, AJ will teach us all something we've never heard about before, and Caleb will make sarcastic remarks with Nick sometimes. I thank all of them for this because it gets me through the day. After that I sit in my first period, staring out the window writing stories of faries and stupid highschool love. Then I get to one of my four favorite places in the whole school. The band room. I play trumpet and conversate with Anna and if I'm lucky Hannah. By the end of the day I'm done with people but I end up on the bus or in Joe's car which is where I hope I end up because I hate the bus. On days that I'm on the bus they're too quite so I blare milky chance or neckdeep in my headphones. But the days I get a ride home from Mr. Bread himself (Joe) are the best, we get into arguments about muffins, talk about how deep the ocean in, and his sad love life, but most of the time Nick is there with us and he suggests we go to McDonald's everytime so I get sweet tea and a small fry both of which Joe paid for but I make sure I pay him back, and Nick tells his jokes and Joe acts like a disappointed dad. I smile at this because these are my friends and that's all I'll ever need. I don't need any of the other things I mentioned before. I just need Nicky, Joe, Sammy, Caleb, AJ, and Anna.

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