6 and 17!
yayyyy <3
6. How do you feel about general intimacy? (Kissing, cuddling, etc)
I love cuddlinggggg I love holding hands I love hugs please I crave physical affection soooooo much and I never get it;;;;;;;;
i wanna try kissing cus I've never done it and it doesn't seem... Bad....... though it does seem kinda weird in theory which is so interesting fjajjfjs
17. How do you feel about sex/love songs?
I enjoy them!! I'm so biased about music just in general but i find them fun!! sex songs especially tend to be super good :)
[ ask me asexual questions bc its international asexuality day ]
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Hi! Damaged Alice is FASCINATING! Is it possible do get some more? Thank you so much!
"I understand this all must be quite strange," Carlisle begins and the bark of laughter that comes out of his mouth is unplanned.
They are strange, all of them. But he knows that Carlisle is referring to Alice.
She'd looked like an angel to him appearing there in the snow, in her little blue coat and hat. The way she had smiled so brightly when he looked at her, the soft warmth of her emotions that felt like he was being flayed for a split second because he hadn't felt anything so good in so long that it burned.
He'd caught on quick that there was something not quite right there. The way her eyes would dart and never quite meet his. The repetition of some of her words (he found it rather charming that she was chanting his name under her breath during the walk back through to the house). He's heard stories of vampires who turn out not-quite-right after the change, but he'd dismissed a lot of it as camp stories. But Alice... something had been amiss. And he had been curious.
That had been several weeks ago, and she hadn't left his side. Clinging to his hand, curled up at his side, perched on his lap, those were her preferences. He'd been uncomfortable at first when she worried at the scars on his hands and arms, at the way she'd rubbed her face against his chest one night until Edward had quietly explained her preference for tactile sensations. Somehow, in less than a month, it had become normal to have Alice bury her face in his shirt as he tucked an arm around her.
The talking was somehow more unnerving. When she was 'good', she was sweet and funny and inquisitive, knowing which questions to ask and which topics to avoid. Then there were the days she didn't say much at all, but could be relied on for simple questions and answers.
There were two flavors of bad, and Emmett had disclosed that there had been an incident in the early years where Esme had tried to get Alice under control by holding her, resulting in Alice biting and Esme striking her, and the fall-out had been ugly. Those incidents were unpredictable and often violent, where Alice didn't acknowledge or recognize them and could involve screaming, growling, or hissing.
The second were when she went mute. No speech, no acknowledgment or eye contact, just a blank slate. Edward said her thoughts were either so fast it gave him a headache or so slow and simple that she could be mistaken for a child. She would attempt to hunt if prompted.
Esme was quick to reassure him she was doing better. That in twenty years, her speech was significantly better, she was almost at an academic level that she could attend school with the others, and whilst she refused to talk about her 'episodes', she was aware of them. That she had lit up from the moment Jasper had come home with her.
The relief from the family when he explained his gift was tangible, Emmett's comment that he could 'help' with Alice. But he had looked into her golden eyes, so wide and trusting and he had seen something he recognised in them - that gaping chasm of fear and pain and grief and shame. That whatever had come before, in Alice's human life and her change, had wounded her beyond comprehension. She didn't need an empath to keep her calm and happy.
She needed unconditional love and acceptance, and somehow she had decided that it would come from him.
And even now, only weeks into knowing her, he couldn't say that she was wrong.
He knows that Carlisle is expecting him to say something about Alice, to ask about her. To make a comment that this is the first time Esme and Rose have managed to pry her off since he arrived.
But he doesn't. She's his... friend.
"I wasn't expecting the human integration. Or the... vegetarianism."
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Youtube | Spotify
CW abuse/trauma/ptsd. It's a pretty raw song (both in lyrics and the way Black Dresses preforms their songs) so listen at your own discretion.
This song really speaks so honestly to the deeply self-destructive spiralling for B, in my opinion. Speaking politeness through your gritted teeth with a lying softness, boiling over, letting it out, feeling it on your bared, snarling teeth, breathing out smoke, "is it me? am I the problem? am I the evil monster?", "its always been me", spitting up blood, biting the hand that feeds and ripping them the fuck to shreds to be left alone.
Lyrics under the cut.
Why thank you for your opinion
What you think is so important
So let's talk this out i love it
You're so funny i hope you're doing well
Thank god for the tongue in your mouth
I'm so happy i'm so lucky
I get to do whatever i can be myself
But you know what? I have zero tolerance for
Bad little shitheads
Who only seem to fuck around
Same shit different day
You need to fuck off you need to go away
I don't wanna talk about it
That's all that I came to say
Get out of my space
You worthless fucking fuckface
Who the fuck do you think you are?
Who the fuck do you think you are?
Who the fuck do you think you are?
Who the fuck do you think you are?
Hey bitch, what the fuck's going on?
Is this how you wanna spend the
Last few years of your life? Of your life?
The last few years your legacy
Your legacy your legacy your
You can hide out in your tiny little lair
You can be the fucking evil monster terror
Scared you can be the evil monster
It was always you it was always you
It was always you it was always you
It was always you
It was always something I couldn't be
That was just outside reality
It was always something I couldn't know
That I didn't know that I shouldn't show
Because everything around me
Felt just like a bad dream
It was all or nothing
Be the kind of person you hate or be
Hated for the things that you
Thought were common sense
Just a little further
One day it will make sense
Hold yourself a little tighter
Your innocence
Preyed upon and vilified by
Your blood and friends
Who am I if I can't assign a
Name and place to what this is?
Everything that's mine feels rotten from
The touch of it everything all the time is a
Message that I shouldn't be
Who the fuck are you?
Stay the fuck away from me
I want to love myself but
Memories are killing me
I want to live but all the years
That came before won't let me be
I want to love myself but
Memories are killing me
I want to live but all the years
That came before won't let me be
I want to love myself but
Memories are killing me
I want to live but all the years
That came before won't let me be
I want to love myself but
Memories are killing me
Memories are killing me
Memories are killing me it hurts
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