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hadeslegacyhephgirl · 24 days

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It was 6 in the morning when Nico received the phone call from Lou Ellen.

"Whaaaat"

"It's Will, Nico. He's in a coma"

The words crashed into him like a tsunami. Fear and worry made a home in his chest

"Where are you?" "Hospital" "… what?" "Ambulance go there before I could call anyone. And our chariot crashed bad, it's basically disintegrated"

"I'm going to wake Jason and Kayla and meet you there" "Can you get Annabeth and Cecil, too?" "Why?" "Annabeth 'cause I'm gonna need brains here. Cecil because- just- because" "Fine. Where?" "Carra Hospital, Room 304, I'll send you a picture" "I'll be there in 10" He hung up

Waking everyone up was… mixed.

All Jason and Kayla had to hear was 'Will' and they got up immediately.

Cecil only came when she heard Lou was there.

Annabeth insisted they take along Piper and Percy.

So it was a party of seven that turned up in room 304.

Cecil wrapped Lou in a hug from behind as Lou talked to Annabeth, who was holding Percy's hand. Kayla and Piper went to see if they could charmspeak a nurse to bring another IV for the nectar Kayla had brought, and Jason went along just in case there were monsters.

Leaving Nico standing by Wills bed, staring at his wounds.

He counted each and every nick and scratch on Will's face and arms (37) and took in the propped up, bandaged leg.

Suddenly he couldn’t bear to be so far away from Will. He climbed into the bed and tucked himself between Will's side and arm, nesting his head on Wills chest, closed his eyes and let the tears come

~*~ (Will)

It was dark

He felt around

There was a fuzzy silence

He couldn't remember anything

Except that he was a boy

Chink

He looked up. Something, a piece of light hung in the air. He touched it.

"Boy" "7 boys, two girls" "Hey, boy-o"

Oh.

These were memories.

So he had to piece himself back together.

He could do that.

He will do that.

Chink

Another shard of light, right next to the first.

"Will" "Hi, Will" "Will?" "William!"

His name was Will

There was solace in knowing his own name

Chink

This time, only one voice rang out

"Solace" The voice sounded annoyed, slightly raspy with a slight Italian accent.

This time it was accompanied by a picture.

Two dark brown eyes, so big and beautiful, yet so dark and knowing they looked like they were staring into your soul.

The image hung in the air, away from the other chinks of light. Like the beginning of a picture. One he would figure out.

~*~ (Nico)

"Should we wake him up?" "Nah, leave him. You know he can't live without his Will" "What if he never wakes up, though?" "He will. He has to. Besides, Nico wouldn't let him die" "But-" "No buts. We'll contact Hades, Hypnos, Apollo, anyone that can help. We're not losing him"

Nico drifted in and out of sleep, not wanting to confront the waking world, but scared of the nightmares that threatened to take him.

Finally he opened his eyes to find Jason sitting in the visitor chair.

"Hey, Neeks." "What time is it?" "A little past-" He checked his watch

"- one in the afternoon. Listen, we're gonna get Will outta here." "how?" "Piper'll be here in a few minutes with the van, Kayla and Annabeth. She's gonna charmspeak him out."

Nico looked down at Will and grabbed his hand. "We're getting you out of here, Will. So don’t you dare go dying on me." ~*~

My name is Will Solace I am 17 years old I am one of Apollo's children My home is Camp Half-Blood I'm a doctor, medic, head councilor

I have siblings, family, friends. And I will get out of here.

~*~

"Careful!" "We are being careful!" "… sorry"

They loaded Will into the back of the van

Piper had, quite literally, worked like a charm. Within ten minutes they had Will on a transportable gurney and out the hospital.

It was a silent drive back to camp

~*~ He'd done it.

The door was nearly complete. A door of light, of memory. The chinks of light had formed the rectangular shape as he'd gathered more and more information.

All that was missing was a doornob.

The picture was done too.

A picture of a boy with raven black hair framing milky white skin and big brown, almost black eyes. Dressed in a leather jacket with ripped black jeans and a black shirt that read Camp Half-Blood

But it felt wrong.

Like there was something missing.

The boy's name.

He began looking though the memories of the door, each piece a word with memories attached to it.

Then he remembered.

There was one that only had one memory attached

Maybe it was longer?

Hesitantly he touched it.

"Solace"

Silence. He waited "Fine." The Italians voice again.

"There we go. See, it wasn't so hard, was it?" His own voice now. "But just three days, you hear me?" "Sure, unless I need to keep you longer" "Solace, I swear-" "C'mon, Neeks." "Do not call me that" "Alright Death Breath-" "Or that" "Zombie Lord?" "Absolutely not. It's Nico, full stop" "Alright, Sunshine" "… that's okay too, I guess"

Ding

The picture of the boy - Nico - suddenly seemed vibrant, alive.

And the door had a doornob.

Hesitantly he reached for it.

Back home.

Back to Nico

If there was any chance the son of Hades could love him back.

~*~

It had been a week since Will had gone under the coma.

Five days since he'd been moved to the infirmary

Jason had given up on trying to get Nico to leave Wills bedside, except to shower every so often.

So it was just Will and Nico and silence.

Silence that was broken with a raspy voice coming from the bed

"Nico?"

Nico looked up into Wills brilliant blue eyes that were open and he was awake.

A sob wrenched from his throat and he flung himself into Wills arms.

"Hey, Sunshine. How long has it been?"

Nico sniffed and buried his head into Wills shoulder.

"A week" "oh." Nico sniffed again and looked up into very much open celeste blue eyes "But your back now, right?" "Yeah, Sunshine. I'm right here. And I always will be."

~*~

#solangelo #solangelo fanfiction #angst #fanfiction #nico di angelo #pjo #will solace

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poppadom0912 · 8 months

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Hi! You have so many good Chicago stories! I had an idea for a Will Halstead fic, if you'd be interested... OC/Reader is a nurse at Med, she and Will are a (newish?) couple. She has been sick or hurt, but isn't telling Will, to avoid worrying him - Sharon (or someone) has been on his ass, for something he didn't do of course, but he's been under a microscope, so she doesn't want to bother or distract him - until she passes out or ends up in an OR (depending on the illness/injury) and he finds out after the fact... Heavy on the angst is always good ;)

A/N: I'm a sucker for angst. Hope this is good enough. I tried researching as accurately as possible but there might be inaccuracies.

I'm posting this is celebration of not failing my exams which means no resitting! I didn't get the high grades I wanted but we move on. Enjoy!! Hope this is good enough.

Warnings: Canon-typical injuries, blood, angst w a happy ending, surgery

*****

Becoming a nurse was inevitable for you because it was the next best thing after a doctor and you didn't want to go through all those extra years of learning and debt.

You were born with a congenital heart defect as a result of your mother poorly caring for her diabetes during pregnancy. All your life, your parents had been on top of your health, always dragging you to specialists and making sure you were still taking your meds.

You moved states several years ago and now you weren't constantly reminded of the defect you were born with.

There were times though when you did get forgetful and Will never complained about your bad trait that you couldn't handle, he shrugged it off and made sure your health was one hundred percent.

Your relationship was in the honeymoon phase, six months in you were both decently comfortable. Everyone was aware of your relationship but you both agreed to keep work at work and home at home.

Recently, Will was under extra scrutiny from Sharon because of a small incident that happened in the ED when his brother rolled up bleeding from his shoulder. No one could blame him for his reaction, it was completely justified but that hospital were being asses and wouldn't let go.

Following this, your interactions at work decreased at your suggestion to make things a little easier for him. And at first, it was working but then it just got straight up frustrating.

All of a sudden, following the intense summer heatwave, everyone's workload doubled and your hours never lined up. You'd be leaving and he'd be preparing for his second double shift of the week.

And things only got worse from there. You were so busy because of the nurse shortages that your priorities began shifting, your health dwindling down the list.

But no one needed to know that.

*****

Week One

"And that's me done, you ready to break?" Will asked, setting aside the tablet on the desk. You both took your breaks together as much as you could, any time you could get together you would take.

"Yes I am." You nodded, slipping your hand into his as you began walking out of the ED. "I remember someone promising coffee from the cart outside."

Will chuckled, rolling his eyes at the reminder of the expensive coffee sitting outside that you loved. Just as he was going to reply, Maggie shouting your name stopped him.

Sighing, your heart felt heavy both figuratively and literally. With a sheepish smile, you pecked him on the cheek with a promise to catch him later on during shift.

Not being able to get a word in, Will simply watched you scurry off to help the next incoming patient, leaving him to change directions towards the cafeteria.

*****

Week two

You should've been more attentive but being short of breath after a run wasn't uncommon. It was early morning and Will's side of the bed was empty so you took what used to be a daily run alone.

As the day progressed, you started feeling tired and your fatigue progressed. It should've been the first sign to you that you needed to slow down and take care of yourself but the next shooting in Chicago just couldn't wait.

"Y/N, are you okay?" April asked, standing besides you with a new file in hand. "You look pale."

"I'm fine." You assured her, nodding as you licked your drying lips. "And before you ask, Will doesn't know and doesn't need to be interrupted, he has a patient in the ICU."

April backed away apprehensively, always trying to check up with you whenever time permitted. Maybe she was also to blame for not being more forceful with her concerns.

It wasn't her fault that she forgot you had a heart disease.

*****

Week three

"I love you so much." You muttered against his forehead before stepping away to leave the dark bedroom.

Will stirred slightly at the contact, shifting under the covers and further messing up his curls you so badly wanted to delve your fingers into but you were on a time crunch.

Just as you were leaving the room, your chest clenched, pain suddenly overtaking you. Clutching onto the door frame, your grip slacked and your bag dropped causing Will to wake up.

"What's wrong?" Will asked in his half awake state, completely disheveled. He was blinking the sleep away while he turned to you and tried to see what was wrong but failed due to severe sleep deprivation.

"Are you okay? What happened?" He continued, voice hoarse like it usually was after a deep sleep

For some reason, you struggled to form words, your chest feeling as though it was being stabbed repeatedly.

And for some reason, you couldn't come up with a logical excuse and you stupidly left without a word to your lover.

*****

Week four

You couldn't ignore it anymore.

It felt like your body was starting to give up on you. You were constantly tired and out of breath and the chest pains never let up, at times, they even doubled and felt worse than the worst of your period cramps.

The biggest flashing red warning sign should've been when you fainted in the bathroom after your shower.

You came home shattered from your 24 hour shift. Just as you walked in the door, Will was leaving for his 48 hour shift. At this point, you really felt like the world was against you.

You were kinda like roommates more than romantic partners. You were barely at home together and at work, you tried to keep interactions to a minimum after the small incident that the board was elevating ridiculously.

Waking up on the bathroom rug, your body felt numb almost paralysed. It was like what movies described comas to be but your chest was still pulsating in pain.

You weren't being a really good nurse because you simply got up, drank some water and ate some food before sleeping it off.

*****

Week five

The silence was suffocating.

The two of you finally got more than two minutes together but words somehow failed you.

With droopy eyes and furrowed brows, your hands itched to grab the blue scrubs covering your chest. If it wasn't for your boyfriend sitting opposite you, you would've been hunched over the sinks in the women's room.

"What's wrong?" It was a question but with that tone, it felt more like a demand. His two words hit you hard, your eyes dragging from the table up to his big brown eyes filled with nothing but eternal love and concern. "And don't say nothing cause that's clearly bullshit."

And for some reason, you flinched.

Licking your chapped lips, you scrunched your eyes closed at the pain encasing your heart. Despite being back on your medication, the pain didn't cease.

"Y/N? Baby-"

"CODE SILVER. CODE SILVER IN THE ED."

*****

Today

For the past week, Will was hypervigilant about his work. Peter kalmik was never his biggest fan so it didn't help he was constantly making his presence known along with the more power holding board members.

You hated how he no longer fought his case and he just conformed, keeping his head buried in the sand and distanced himself from those he cared about.

It got to such a point that when Jay came in with only work intentions, Will physically forced himself to stay well away.

You were so caught up in your concern for him that you neglected your medication on the kitchen counter.

The pain today all of a sudden increased tenfold in the middle of shift. You were helping Doris turn over a treatment room, listening as she talked about her family drama that you loved to hear about when you felt the world come to an abrupt stop.

Before you knew it, breath escaped you and darkness enveloped you.

“Y/N?!” Doris shouted, going around the bed and crouching down besides your unconscious body.

As she started checking your pulse and your breathing, Connor ran in with Maggie in tow having witnessed you fall from the nurses desk.

In a flurry of rushed movements, you were placed on a bed as your friends searched for the cause of your unconscious state. Out of the blue, Maggie spoke up, reminding everyone of your heart condition.

Equipped with the new but old information, the cardiothoracic surgeon was now more than confident he was able to help you.

"Whose her emergency contact? Is it still her parents or has it been changed to Will?" Connor asked the charge nurse as they started wheeling the gurney towards the elevators. They needed to get you into surgery as soon as possible before you deteriorated.

"Good question."

"Page him anyways."

"Already on it."

*****

"I'm a horrible boyfriend."

"No you're not."

"All the signs were there and I missed them."

"We did too."

"I know Connor is one of the best but what if-"

"I'm going to stop you right there." Maggie cut him off, looking at him sternly, eerily resembling the face of a mother telling off her child. "This is no ones fault and you know that, stop punishing yourself for something no one could control."

Will opened his mouth to interject but stopped himself when Maggie held her hand up. "Yes, maybe Y/N should've taken better care of herself but as a doctor, you know that this surgery was inevitable anyways."

"It's better that she was already in the hospital and not home alone where no one would've noticed till you finished in another eight hours." Maggie continued, being more gentle as she got her point across. She was just as concerned but for everyone else's sake, she could be their pillar.

"Look at her Will." Maggie said, gently rubbing him on the back, hopefully bringing him some comfort. "She's in the best hands."

And of course Will knew that, he wouldn't say it to Connor's face but the man was a heck of a surgeon. There was no one else he would want operating on you but he was simply unnerved to no end.

He couldn't wipe off this icky feeling he had. It lurked around him like a shadow and stuck to him like a stain. He felt like a failure - he was unable to help you as both a doctor and a boyfriend - what good was he?

News spread of your collapse around the hospital and as an automatic response, the hospital board stepped metres away from Will, almost like he was sick with a deathly contagious disease.

It was so stupid that it was funny.

Will wanted to rip his hair out. How he was even standing watching your surgery was beyond him right now. He felt sick to his stomach at the sight of your chest cracked open, your heart just there for the world to see.

He never felt so useless before.

*****

Waking up was one of the most confusing scenarios you've ever been in. The last thing you remembered was being in the ED with Doris before blinking and the next thing you knew, you were waking up in recovery.

Your body felt like the heaviest gym weights were sat on you. Your mouth unbelievably dry as your eyes squinted in the dim lighting, trying to look around the room for any sign of life.

And right by your bedside, sleeping in a very awkward position was the man you considered the love of your life.

It must've been the movement of your head, you literally turning your head less than 90 degrees that woke him up because without any further prompting, Will was no longer dead to the world.

Instantly, he was alive and alert, no trace of sleep anywhere on his face as he made eye contact with you.

He felt as light as a feather to see you awake, the biggest weight being lifted off his chest from the relief that nothing went wrong despite knowing Connor made no mistake at all.

"Pulmonary valve stenosis." Was the first thing Will said, easily recognising the confusion painting your face. "Connor put in a balloon. They'll keep you for probably a week to monitor you to see if you need a valvotomy."

You hummed, letting him know that you understood everything he told you without talking. Somehow, without even looking at him, he knew and brought forth a cup with a straw in, holding it to your mouth allowing you to sip easily.

"I'm so sorry Y/N." Will said earnestly, his eyes shimmering as he intertwined your fingers with his. "I wasn't paying enough attention to you otherwise-"

"Stop." You interrupted him, voice still slightly hoarse from not using it. "Blaming yourself helps no one."

"What's done is done." You continued, squeezing his hands when he squeezed yours first. "I'm really the one to blame. If I took care of myself and did something when I first was having problems then we wouldn't be here."

Silence followed, the only sound being the constant beeping from all the machines attached to you.

"Never faint on me again, you hear me?"

"Can't promise you that babes."

"Yes you can."

"You're hilarious Will."

"No, I'm being serious Y/N."

"Don't make me laugh, where's Connor Rhodes, my favourite doctor?"

"Very funny, I think I'll buy April expensive cart coffee next time."

#one chicago x reader #one chicago imagine #onechicago #chicago med #will halstead imagine #will halstead x reader #will halstead #will halstead x you #will halstead fanfic #will halstead x y/n

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blixssily · 9 months

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"your heart was glass, i dropped it."

| you promised him that you'd be careful and that you wouldn't get hurt. ironically, you end up sacrificing yourself to protect him.

| jing yuan x reader

˓ ꒱ notes and disclaimers: reader is g/n, established relationship, reader doesn't die, might be ooc. let me know if i've missed anything!!

˓ ꒱ authors notes: this was a request from @waaav !! i'm extremely grateful to be able to write this. i hope you like it!

"pleaseeee let me come along with you! i can protect myself, you've seen it before!" you whined, pleading to your boyfriend on accompanying him to his new mission. "i know you can, but this mission is extremely dangerous. i don't want to see you get hurt." he gives you a slight frown. "jing, i will literally keep begging you until you say yes." you sighed as you lean on his desk. "pleaseeee?" you try your luck at using your puppy eyes on him, sometimes they work and sometimes they don't.

this time, they do. "fine fine fine, just please be careful. stop giving me those eyes" he chuckles a little, ruffling your hair a little.

dark clouds gathered at the scene, obstructing your view. "you think it might rain?" you ask, looking around you even though you knew you couldn't see even 5 meters ahead of you. fog was starting to pick up too, making it even harder to navigate around. "let's hope not. you can hold my hand if you get scared though." he teases as you let out a scoff.

you hope he doesn't notice but his light hearted behaviour made you feel calm, like no matter how bad things would get, everything would somehow work out.

he notices your trailing behind a little, he turns back and takes a hold of your hand. "come on, let's go." he flashes you a smile. "we should be near, keep on the look out." he says as his grip on his weapon tightens, ready for any sneak attacks. "got it, general." he rolls his eyes at this, slowly letting go of your wrist so you can draw out your own weapon.

the clouds seem to get darker..

it was cold. unbearably cold.

was it the rain rain?

it was raining.

harsh droplets of rain splashed against jing yuan’s frame, dripping onto the once warm clothes he chose in the morning.

his heart sinks even deeper with every shallow breath you take, at some point he thinks he’s hit rock bottom.

it sinks even deeper.

he’s a general, how could he have miscalculated the situation this badly? his arms around your frail body tightens. he shouldve known, he shouldve done something. he shouldve prevented this, shouldve protected you.

the raindrops feel like minuscule daggers, piercing his skin. guilt overwhelming all of his senses, unable to hear or see anything but you.

his hearing deafening on everything but your hushed breaths. vision blurring on even the ground beneath him, but not you.

not you.

he's only able to comprehend the way your crimson blood is staining his hands, his hands are shaking.

his mind is rushing, replaying the horrid memory in his mind. he prays the sickening melody of your cries could be erased from his and your memory. he can't even fathom how much pain you were in right now.

although he knew no god would listen, he prays, he begs, he pleads.

he could barely register the healers rushing to your side, soldiers surrounding the area, checking for any danger lurking nearby. he almost doesn't let the healers take you away, rushing urgently to get you to somewhere safer while trying to not lose anymore of your blood.

he prays once more, ‘please be okay.”

you’re resting in a hospital bed, plush white sheets covering the numerous wraps of bandages around your body. your lover, sat in a wooden chair beside your bed. silver hair spilled off of his shoulders, messier than ever. his eyes are dry, tear stains evident on his cheeks as he plays with his fingers, scratching and peeling at the skin due to anxiety.

the doctors had left him alone with you after checking your vitals, assuring him you’d make a slow but steady recovery. he sighs once more, thinking about how much he’ll miss your good morning kisses, nagging him that he’s going to be late if he intends on continuing to cuddle you.

he cant look you in the face, even when you’re unconscious. his mind flashing to the exact moment you shoved him out the way to protect him.

his knuckles turn white as he continues to clench his fists, vision blurring once more. the inability to see clearly almost becomes familiar now. he'd hold your hand, grazing over your delicate skin. he assures himself this simple gesture is because he wants to give you even the smallest amount of comfort if it meant you would come back to him quicker.

maybe it was to stop his own hand from shaking.

"jing yuan..?" you manage to mutter out. his head almost snaps at our fast he looks up at you, his eyes glossing over once again. his hands interlocking with yours. "you're back." he sighs, a relieved smile made its way to his lips. your eyes scanned his figure, god he looks horrible.

"how lo—"

"please don't ever leave me alone like that again." his voices cracks, cutting you off. "please, please promise me you'll never do something like that ever again." he pleads, holding your hand tightly as if he could lose you at any second. he feels your cold fingers slowly stroking his hand, trying your best to comfort the man in front of you. "how have you been?" you said, trying your luck at calming him down by thinking of something else. "horrible." he laughs, you're glad it made him smile a little. he releases your hands, leaning further on the hospital bed.

"its been really lonely without you. i've missed your constant nagging, i've missed your morning kisses, i've missed your smile." he manages, he voice starting to break as tears start welling up in his eyes. you sit up from the hospital bed, no matter how much it hurts you to, you try your best not to wince. jing yuan feels your cold hands around his neck, your neck nuzzling into his neck at the same time. "i've missed you too." you whisper, letting a tear slide down your pale cheek. his arms cautiously wrap around your frame, extremely careful not to hurt you. he rests his head completely against yours, he feels as though he can finally relax once more.

his hand catches the tears starting to fall on his face as he unwillingly pulled away. "the doctors said you have to stay here for a few weeks, or until the wound is finally healed up." you don't miss the pout that's made it's way to his lips. "i'll be fine, i promise." your hand caressed his cheek, causing the corners of his lips to turn into a smile. "thank you for protecting me back there, but please don't do that ever again. i mean it." he peers into your eyes, you think if he stares at you for long enough he could see into your soul.

"i love you, i couldn't bear seeing you leave me."

"i love you too jing. just keep a look out next time." you wink at him, reciting his previous words. keep a look out.

he scoffs, "yea yea. get some rest now." he places a kiss on your lips before sitting back down. "i'll be here when you wake up. i promise."

notes and reblogs are heavily appreciated !!

(sorry for this trash fic i suck at angst and i'm not too familiar with jing yuan ;( )

#honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #jing yuan x reader #hsr jing yuan x reader #jing yuan

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cereusblue · 3 months

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https://gofund.me/96bce824

Hi, all. So, I've had a day from hell and I'm too exhausted to re-explain on another platform. But here, I'll copy paste the story here. TLDR at the bottom. If you can't help, pass it on. Literally everything helps. Love you all.

Good day all, thank you for stopping your busy day to check my page.

Let me lay out the situation as best I can.

First off, some background for myself and my family. My fiancee and I only have(had) one functioning car between us when we took in a family member of his in an emergency CPS case. We are trying our hardest to take care of her and teach her how to be a person, but our schedules and only having one vehicle has made that a struggle. She has gotten a job just last week and is working hard to get on her feet. It's great and we are very proud of her! It's part time for the time being while she learns how to manage finances and how the world works.

However, since October things have started taking a turn for the worse. Between my fiancee and I, we both worked minimum wage and in October I bent over to put on a shoe and my back made a horrible crack noise. I went to the ER in immense pain and despite having insurance, I still got dumped with a hefty bill that to this day I am still trying to pay off. I have gone through physical therapy as requested by my doctor, since he didn't want to operate on someone of my age. However, it did nothing but agitate the problem. While I can now move around again, bending over and lifting anything past 15 pounds is strenuous. I'm in pain every single day and even sitting up is difficult most days. I can't stand up for long anymore before it becomes too much on my back. But things continue to happen, as they do. I was set to come back to see my surgeon this year but on Dec 29th in the last hour of the day, my job decided that an AI system could completely take over my job and laid me off. Getting unemployment as well as answers back from my previous work has been very difficult. My benefits were cut off with no chance to refill medications or see my surgeon. So, now my continued treatment to fix my back on top of my other health issues have all been put on pause. I've been working for almost two years now to get treatment and figure out what's wrong with my health, but I am now on a desperate search for a new job.

Which leads us to today. We are already strapped for money, and on a trip to an interview and my fiancee going to work, we got taken down a gravel road that looked deceptively fine. Driving across, the ice was far deeper than it appeared and it destroyed the grill, bumper, and wheel well (I believe that's what it's called) aka part of the frame that covers the front wheels broke and are hanging. That's not where it ends. So, I took the car to get it temporarily fixed so we could hopefully figure something out to get repairs done. The car got a temporary fix, and then I proceeded to take the car to pick up my fiancee from work. He and I began our drive back home, and as we were passing train tracks a doe jumped out into the road way too close to us. She only came into view as she appeared in the lights of the car, immediately getting bodied by the car. As you can see from the image, she destroyed the hood of the car and much more. I feel horrible for the poor thing and I hope she went quickly, noticing the fur and blood on the front bumper. We managed to get the car home, but the check engine light came on. This car is a Toyota prius. Anyone who knows anything about a prius knows they are basically tin cans. So, the worry is that the cooling system is busted now too. This will exponentially increase the amount we need to pay to repair the vehicle.

The worst part is, is that this is the only car we have to go to work and for me to go to interviews. I do have a car, but it's not in running condition right now. The poor thing is a 1999 and needs some parts replaced that we have not had the funds or availability to get a list of parts and have them replaced. The car also can't move anyway right now and would need towed. The prius is our only vehicle we have, and I don't have the funds to drop on fixing it. Insurance won't pay for it as far as we have been made aware by the body shop because of the type of insurance we have.

So, this is the current estimate we have to work with in regards to repairs. The entire front, hood, coolant system, and I know a few more pieces need replaced. The prius can run and be moved to a body shop at least, but paying for it will be a nightmare. If he can't get to work, we are in major trouble. My fiancee, his little sister, and I all rely on this car for work. While I'm still looking for work, I'm very limited because of my current physical state. We've spent a lot of money on my Healthcare already and every day are worried I'm going to reach for something and have my back crack again. While we are working on Medicaid, these things are proving a slow process. They also don't cover previous medical bills when I did have insurance. So, our only choice is to live off his income currently while I'm on a search for a new job every day. Our lives depend on this one car. Especially since we live out in the woods and work is 40 minutes away.

If you've read this far, I appreciate every single second of your time. Every single hand this gofundme goes through will be a huge help. If you can't help, that's okay, please don't stress your own financials if youre in a tough spot. If you can pass this along to anyone you can, that would be more than enough. Thank you again, and I wish you all better fortune this 2024.

For those who can't read the whole thing;

TLDR; Me and my family are already going through a lot of financial troubles with my health and being laid off, our only mode of transportation is severely damaged from an unmaintained roads massive pothole and hitting a deer in the same day. Three people rely on this one vehicle for all our jobs and interviews that are far from home. Donate if you can, if not, please share and thank you so very much.

Also including another picture here for you all to see. Thank you all again, I wish you better fortune this year.

#gofundme #emergency #fundraiser #pls help #idk what else to tag rn im so exhausted

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reverie-starlight · 7 months

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I need to get some blood work done and I hate the experience so much, so to make me feel better, here’s some kuroo fluff. I don’t wanna hear anything about how soft this is. I don’t respond well to tough love or logic at all when I'm anxious, I need the softness.

gn!reader, no physical description. tw: blood, needles, hospital/drs office setting. slight anxiety/panic. very fluffy, maybe a little bit TOO fluffy tbh. extremely self indulgent, but what else is new on this blog? lowercase intentional. @emmyrosee I recycled a couple ideas from that one kuroo ask I sent you a while back, I hope that's okay :')

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can take the day off of work, I don’t mind.”

you sighed into your mug, one that the man sitting on the other side of the table had gifted you. it was halloween themed, and (very ironically, considering your current situation) had vampire fang designs all over it, many with blood dripping from them.

“I appreciate that, but I would never ask you to.”

kuroo slightly frowned. “you don’t have to ask me, baby, I’m offering.”

he watched as your own brow furrowed, resisting the urge to lean over and smooth it out with his thumb. he tried again. “I know how much you hate blood work. I don’t want you to have to deal with it alone.”

a feeling of guilt started bubbling in your stomach. “tetsu, that’s exactly it, though. I don’t like it, but I’m old enough now to be able to do it alone…” you paused and shook your head before editing your sentence. “I should be able to do it alone by now without spiraling.”

he sighed and gave you a sympathetic look. “baby, there’s no expiration date on fear, or a set age that you’re supposed to get over something by,” he took your hand and rubbed his thumb over it. “you’re scared, and that’s okay. as your fiancé, I’m not going to let you suffer through that alone.”

you took your bottom lip in between your teeth and mulled it over. he tried to hide a fond smile as he watched the wheels in your pretty head turn.

truthfully, he already booked that day off work. you didn’t know yet, but as soon as you had told him the date of your appointment, he had reserved that as a personal day on his schedule.

he’d never call you predictable, but when it came to things relating to your fears, he knew you needed some emotional support- whether you voiced it or not.

finally you looked up at him again with a hesitant, slightly guilty expression. “you really don’t mind taking time off work for this?”

he brought your hand up to his lips and kissed your knuckles. “for you, my love? never.”

and a week later, on the day of your appointment, he did everything he could to prove it to you further.

your appointment wasn’t until noon, so he made sure to spend the entire morning pampering you, distracting you enough so that you didn’t even have time to let the anxiety build up.

any time he noticed a faraway look in your eyes, he’d lean over and kiss your face until you laughed, really making sure to exaggerate the noises to embarrass you a bit.

and you recognized his efforts to keep you in good spirits, trying to meet him halfway. usually when you had a big nerve wracking event approaching, you were used to isolating yourself and trying to calm down alone. pushing through and wishing you could stay in control of your anxieties long enough to get through it and beating yourself up when you couldn’t.

however, since meeting kuroo, you didn’t have to do that anymore. when you first got together, you rejected any help he tried to give you. but once he realized that you just weren’t used to people giving you the emotional support you needed… that you were used to the opposite- being shamed for those feelings, he was able to navigate things better.

and along the way you realized that letting someone in was much healthier for you. so in an effort to keep that up, you let him take the wheel, figuratively and literally.

on the way to the doctor’s office, he played music and purposefully sang along badly, all in an attempt to make your life a little easier.

and it worked, because your brain had completely rejected any thoughts of worrying about the bloodwork.

until you had to sit in the waiting room, that is.

he could feel the anxiety rolling off of you as you waited to be called, and despite everything, he couldn’t help but feel a bit useless. all he ever wanted to do for you at any given time was make sure that you were happy and stress-free. he felt his heart break a bit as he watched you try to keep a composed demeanor.

so he pressed gentle kisses to your temple and let you play with his fingers. he even clogged up his storage and downloaded a ton of games for you to play if you asked (he knew how fast games drained your phone’s battery, so he gladly sacrificed his).

but he could tell from your crumbling expression and bouncing leg that the nervous butterflies in your stomach were turning into something much bigger.

he noticed a nurse walking down the hall towards the waiting room and quickly whispered something in your ear.

you looked up at him with wide eyes, surprised at his words, which pulled a shocked laugh out of your mouth. “tetsu!” you whisper-yelled at him, not wanting to disrupt the other patients.

he just gave you a charmingly boyish grin in response, squeezing your hand when the nurse called your name.

she lead you both into a small room, and you started shaking a bit.

“please take your sweater off or roll up your sleeve.”

you did what she asked and kuroo settled beside you on the opposite side of the nurse, tracing the palm of your hand.

“oh my- you’re shaking! are you alright?” asked the nurse and you felt hot embarrassment shoot through your body on top of the anxiety.

“um, yeah, I’m okay,” you said quietly, obviously nervous. she seemed to understand and thankfully didn’t make a big deal about it, rather making conversation about other things as she cleaned your arm.

“is this your fiancé? I love your rings, and it’s so sweet that he came with you today… I wish my girlfriend was able to come with me to my appointments.”

you smiled politely at her, and tried not to watch too intently as she got her equipment ready. you didn’t notice the look she gave kuroo, or the nod he returned to her, understanding her secret message. distract them.

that was his plan all along- even if the nurse hadn’t told him to, he would have done everything in his power to get you to focus on him instead of the test.

once he felt you squeeze his hand out of fear and noticed the tears forming in your eyes as the nurse was talking to you about finding a vein, he gently cupped your cheek and prompted your face away.

“hi, pretty, just look at me okay?”

your lower lip wobbled as you nodded, wincing and screwing your eyes shut as you felt the nurse feeling your arm. “make a fist for me, please.”

your hand cooperated and you let out a small noise of discomfort as she got to work.

kuroo stroked your cheek comfortingly and smiled at you when you opened your eyes again. “have I told you that you look absolutely stunning today, baby? just jaw-dropping. incredibly gorgeous. so blinded by your beauty that I should actually be wearing sunglasses right now.”

if it were under any other circumstance, you would have scolded him for flirting with you in front of someone else so unabashedly, but in that moment you were honestly thankful for it. so you shook your head a little.

he gasped. “I haven’t? how awful of me, I’ll make sure to fix that right away.”

and so as the nurse continued to draw blood, with a small smile on her face as she listened to the near one sided conversation, your boyfriend made it his mission to throw every compliment under the sun at you.

"going back to our conversation last night, reason number three hundred and twenty six why I love you: you're so sweet, even if you're not trying to be. you're just a good person through and through, babe."

though it was mildly embarrassing to need a distraction of this intensity, listening to him talk was definitely having the desired effect on you. your eyes were still a bit teary, and your heart was beating fast, but the expression on your face told him that you weren't as focused on the test anymore.

the soft look in his eyes as he tried everything he could to help you was captivating.

he leaned over to give you a quick kiss on the cheek and you huffed in disapproval. he laughed. "don't get shy now, there's still six hundred and seventy four reasons left to get through. I can space them out if you need me to, though. wouldn't want to send your heart into overdrive or anything. I can feel your pulse, don't even try to deny it!"

you were about to respond with what was no doubt going to be an attempt at a snarky comeback, but then the nurse pulled the needle out and pressed a cotton ball over the puncture site. "you're all done! great job."

you blinked at the nurse in surprise and she just smiled in amusement before placing a band-aid on your arm and walking out of the room with the vial of blood.

as soon as she was gone, kuroo tilted your chin up to look at him again. he gave you a big, wide grin and you weren't sure if the lightheaded, dizziness you were experiencing was because of blood loss or affection for your fiancé.

and once you finally made it out of the doctor's office, back into the car, he immediately leaned over the console and pressed yet another flurry of kisses all over your face and neck.

you giggled at him and tried to shove his face away, but he didn't let you, and instead grabbed your hands in his. he slowed down just enough to leave a few lingering kisses on your lips, rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles.

once he was done, he smiled fondly and stared into your eyes as you tried to catch your breath. his expression was as soft as his voice. "I'm so proud of you, baby, that went so well."

you smiled at him in return. "thank you, tetsu, you really helped me today... I'm glad you came with me."

he shook his head. "I told you, it's no problem at all. I'm happy I was able to make things a bit easier for you. Now..." he straightened up in the driver's seat and started the car, but not before giving you one last kiss. "let's get some food in you, and maybe a bit of orange juice, too. I read it's good after getting blood work done."

you nodded and stole one of his hands away from the wheel to hold in your lap. you placed your cheek against his now extended arm and sighed contently.

thinking about the day and how hard he tried to keep you happy and safe... how he did his absolute best to take care of you throughout your panic... there was never a time you couldn't feel the soft, gentle love radiating off of kuroo tetsurou. everything he did was with good intentions, all for you.

after a few minutes of comfortable silence, he felt a pair of eyes on him. at the next red light, he glanced down to see you craning your neck and staring at him with an unreadable expression.

he sent you a sly grin once he deciphered it. "...and maybe tonight, if you're feeling up for it, we can do what I mentioned in the waiting room."

you were one hundred percent certain that the dizziness from earlier wasn't from blood loss now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm not so sure how I feel abt his characterization or dialogue in this one :/

kuroo usually comes easy for me (...that's what she said) (I'm so sorry, I'll leave) but idk, the writing feels a bit off with this one, so I might do some major edits over time... I don't hate it enough to not post though, so I hope you enjoyed!!!!

#kuroo x reader fluff #kuroo comfort #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo fluff #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #kuroo x gender neutral reader #tw: blood #tw: needles

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dksw0rld · 1 year

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Things I’ve Learned As A Young Woman

I’m in my (almost) mid 20s, I turn 25 in a few weeks. Since my birthday is coming up I’ve been reflecting on things I’ve learned as I always do in the weeks leading up. I want this blog to be a safe space for women to learn and grow in community so I wanted to share some of the lessons and pass them on to others.

Health

1. Consult with your doctor(s) before starting any sort of diet, no matter how good you may think it will be for you

At the end of the day, the internet is not a doctors office. You don’t know how a diet could personally affect you, as a woman and / or as a human. You don’t know if trying a certain diet will deprive you of a vitamin you’re already deficient in. You don’t know if that diet is good for your reproductive health in the long run.

2. Tying into point 1, always get your yearly check ups (blood panel, obgyn checkups, yearly physical, dental cleanings, etc.)

A lot can change in a year. You don’t know what could have developed, what you could have become deficient in, what you need less of, etc. if you don’t get your yearly checkups done. Staying informed and up to date is one of the best ways to combat anything that could come up, benign or not. Keeping up with your health is the highest form of self care!!

3. Speak to your doctor(s) extensively AND do your own medically backed research before choosing to go on birth control (and seriously consider other options first)

I know this can be a bit of a taboo topic but quite frankly I don’t care. Doctors nowadays are VERY quick to push birth control onto women without educating them on all the side effect, ways it can affect our bodies with long term use AND what can happen when you get off of the pill. I understand a lot of you want to partake in sex without having to worry (more on that in another point...) or you want to take it for other reasons not pertaining to sex but the healthiest way is to naturally keep track of your cycle and ovulation schedule. No one told me the issues I would have taking birth control for years and then getting off. I didn’t even start taking it to have safe sex, I started taking it when I as 16 because of the bad period symptoms I was having and to help control my acne. When I finally got off of it, my hormones were a wreck and I was diagnosed with PMDD thanks to the birth control wrecking my hormones. It took me literal months of research and trial and error to naturally re-balance my hormones. 9.5 times out of 10 taking birth control is just not worth it. Before you decide, please make sure you weigh all of the pros and cons and look into other options.

4. Please be careful what you are putting in AND on your body

We are in a day and age where there are chemicals in and on everything. As women, a lot of these things mess with our hormones, our reproductive health and overall health. You have to do the work of reading labels on food products, researching if anything in your household products are harmful, purchasing all natural products when possible (makeup, cleaning products, candles, air sprays, etc.), and making as many things at home as you can (air sprays, cleaning solution, food, etc.). The companies making these harmful products are not going to tell us the risks. They’re just not. The detergent company you’re using to wash your intimates is not going to tell you how the chemicals they’re putting in their detergent is going to make your hormones unbalanced when you wear the underwear you washed with it. It is up to you as a woman to watch out for anything that can be harmful to your health. I wish it wasn’t that way but it is.

Mental Health

1. Stress and Anxiety are real and can really affect your body negatively

The affects of anxiety and stress are real. They can wreck havoc on the body. Find activities that help channel it. Journal. Speak to a therapist. Let go of what you cannot control. Research if what you’re consuming is helping contribute to the issue.

2. Therapy does not make you weak

There is literally no shame in speaking to a therapist and anyone who thinks so needs to grow up. It’s actually extremely responsible and mature to make the decision to speak to someone to become a better you. You don’t even need to have gone through a traumatic experience to speak to someone. Therapy guides you in digging deep about every “why”. Why you respond the way you do, why you think the way you do, why you love that thing so much, what made you who you are today. Everyone can benefit from therapy in some way.

3. Your diet plays a part in your mental health

The mind-gut connection is real. What you put into your body has an affect on your mental health, especially as a woman. Yet another reason why it’s so crucial to know what you are putting into and on your body. Take it from someone who spent months and months naturally balancing her hormones. It matters.

Relationships

1. Stop sleeping with just anyone. That’s not being “liberated”.

I’m going to tell you right now. Stop. Your flower is extremely sacred. Letting anyone and everyone have access to it is not being a liberated woman. It’s actually trapping you into the mindset that being treated with the bare minimum (aka how you should always be treated by a man or woman) equals sex. If a man takes you out and doesn’t ask to split the bill you’re about ready to give it all to him on the first date because “he’s rare”. No. Number one, men like that are not rare, you’re just looking in the wrong places and / or entertaining low value men. Number two, men automatically see that as “oh so all I have to do is treat her with the bare minimum, she’ll eat it up and I can smash her”. Sorry, but it’s true. That type of treatment I just named is the BARE minimum. How a man or woman should treat you every single time of every single day. You have no idea how that man actually is from one or two dates. He could be putting on a show hoping to get in your pants. Honestly, that’s most likely what he is doing. And if he’s not, why give one of the most important part of yourself so soon? You’re just that easy to impress? Stop! A man worth giving time to knows how to control his sexual urges and will not ask you to have sex on the first few dates. Honestly, the men worth giving time to will wait for you to feel comfortable enough to bring it up, they won’t even mention it! Or on the other hand, if you’re sleeping with just anyone because you want to be a “liberated woman” who wants to express her sexuality freely, true liberation comes from being picky about who you choose to share yourself with and feeling safe and seen enough to share it with them. How do you feel after you have sex with someone in the name of being “liberated”? Once the hormones settle I bet you feel like crap. Let’s also mention that you don’t know who else they’ve slept with. You don’t know what someone else they slept with has. You’re genuinely putting your health at risk every time you choose to share yourself with someone you barely know. Not to mention you’re risking making another human with a man you don’t even know would be a good father, if he chooses to acknowledge he’s the father at all (harsh, I know, but unfortunately very true). And if you do know them, you should feel comfortable enough to ask them about their sexual history, when the last time they got checked was AND to show you proof they are free of any STIs. If not, then you shouldn’t be sleeping with them. If they refuse or make excuses, you definitely shouldn’t be sleeping with them!

2. Stop looking for love, let it find you

I won’t lie to you, this one took me a while to learn. But I’ve mastered it now. Love is not something you find. I truly believe that. Love finds you when you are ready for it. Whether that be forever love or a love that’s meant to teach you and prepare you for the next level of life and eventually the next love. I was on dating apps on and off for years. I believe dating apps can help you gain experience and help you meet new people but in my opinion I don’t think they’re conducive to finding your forever love. There are exceptions to that just like there are to everything but I believe letting love find you when it’s meant to is the best way to do it. Now if you genuinely feel like you’re being called to use dating apps to find love than by all means do so, but do the work first and make sure it’s not just because you feel lonely, left out, impatient to find your person, or are afraid to be alone. I had to be honest with myself and say that I was on dating apps because I was being impatient. And after digging deeper into that I realized it was one of the reasons I was still single. I wasn’t letting love unfold when it was supposed to, I was looking for it and forcing it. You can’t force love no matter how hard you try. Since being honest with myself, I found that I would much rather find my love interests organically. Not having to force it by swiping right solely based on how the person looks and a shallow glance into their interests. If I meet someone with potential at a bookstore, I already know we have something in common, a love of reading. Plus, there is so much more to life than a romantic relationship. Focus on you and creating your ideal life. Date yourself. Treat yourself how you want someone to treat you one day. I know we’ve all heard those so much but there’s a reason for it, they’re true! Love will find you when it’s supposed to. What’s for you will never pass you.

These are some of the many lessons I’ve learned on my journey. I truly hope at least some of these taught you something or rang true for you. If so, send me a message I’d love to hear. Or if you have any questions on any of the topics I touched on, send me a message and I’ll expand on it!

With love,

#lessons #dk #womens health #highvalueblackwoman #wellness #health and wellness

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reesdomain · 1 year

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10 Reasons why I will defend Joel’s choice. Cause I’m bored so why not?

SPOILERS AHEAD!!! IF YOU DIDN’T PLAY THE GAMES BEWARE

1. The vaccine wouldn’t “work” in any sense of the word. I don’t care that Druckmann said it would, which if you ask me is just a convenient plot hole cover. One thing I appreciate about the show, is how they dive into the history of the cordyceps infection/outbreak and just how unique it is. The doctor we see at the beginning whose immediate advice is to bomb the city, shows just how grave the outbreak is period. Especially since no cure or vaccine had been made before. Mind you, this woman had to have at least 25-30 years experience in the field and her opinion obviously held weight.

For something this grave, you would need advanced technology and advanced expertise to even begin to create a “vaccine” for it. The fireflies med team was literally made up of a bunch of amateurs. We come to find out Abby’s father had at best two years of experience that I believe were in undergrad and definitely not a residency. It also needs to be pointed out that general doctors and surgeons do not account for every field in medicine. Specializations exist for a reason. I don’t think there was a single virologist or even neurologist in that room, yet they were attempting brain surgery? The other subjects died most likely because they were being operated on by the equivalent of “Grey’s Anatomy doctors”. Not because they HAD to die.

2. Even if we entertain the thought that they would somehow be able to pull a vaccine from Ellie. How would they “save the world” or “save millions”? I get that in fiction anything is possible. But with the world they created in the tlou 1, it’s just hard to imagine in this context. There’s a matter of manufacturing what would need to be hundreds of thousands of vaccines just to start. Which need significant resources. Then there would be distribution. How will you spread these vaccines around? What about language barriers? Do the fireflies have translators that can travel? Mind you, the fireflies are a terrorist organization. Do we really think they would not try to get a political leg up from this? People try to make them out to have a noble cause, but do they really? Or do they just want to save what’s left in an attempt to have power over what’s left?

3. Ellie’s immunity is pure luck. A mutation that prevented the cordyceps from taking over her. Much in the same way some people are allergic to seafood or nuts but a good chunk of us aren’t. Hell the mutation doesn’t even prevent her from being attacked by the other infected. The only thing it ensures is that she doesn’t become a “zombie” in affect. Which brings me to my next point.

4. What’s the rush? Ellie herself said she had plenty of questions for them. Which we know why they didn’t let the poor girl even get the chance to ask them. But Ellie’s immunity is something that seems more logical to study and get an understanding of before immediately jumping into surgery. What is it about her blood or body chemistry that prevented the infection from overtaking her? Soon as she got there, she was on the table without even the chance to say goodbye. Which once again, reaffirms the fireflies were taking desperate shots in the dark.

5. Informed consent went out the window. People keep saying what Ellie “would” have done or chosen for herself. Even Abby. The thing is we’ll never know. Because they took that choice from her. Marlene shouldn’t have even bothered to tell Joel what would happen. But she was a selfish dirtbag who wanted him to validate her. She knew what they were doing was wrong and I honestly think she knew nothing would come of it. Her pathetic attempt at trying to “reason” with Joel was her way of soothing her own conscience. Also they took Joel’s supplies and walked him out without it and the reward they promised him. They were never going to make good on their word.

6. You have cannibals, child rapists, slavers, and all the likes running around doing whatever they want with no care in the world. Not much world left to save when humans will always manage to be the biggest threat to other humans and forms of life. Regardless of a shared enemy or objective.

7. Abby’s father was a coward and a hypocrite. When posed the question of whether he would do what they did to Abby, he was silent. Now unlike those who don’t value consent, we know that anything other than a definite yes is a no. Abby’s father would have likely took the same course of action as Joel ( albeit not as a good lol) if Abby had been immune. And this is even with Abby giving her hypothetical consent to go ahead with the surgery. That should tell you everything you need to know. If “saving millions” was not so important for the surgeon to sacrifice his own daughter, than it was ridiculous to hold anybody else to the same standard. Also I like how Abby had her opinion on what SHE would do as if that mattered. Funny how taking someone else’s life and loved one was fine until it was her dad. But I try to give Abby credit for her redeeming qualities.

8. The “world” is owed nothing. A lot people don’t like to admit it but it’s the truth. Since the beginning of time earth has moved in cycles. Species come in and go out all the time. Humans are no different though a lot of us have tricked ourselves into believing so. For all we know the cordyceps was just the next step towards a new phase. Notice how in the show they are connected through channels and more receptive of one another. The remaining uninfected humans are most likely just fighting against inevitable change.

9. Joel was not the only person killing to survive. Both in the game and in the show it is bought up almost as if Joel was doing it for thrills or something when that was not the case. Especially in the show. The last episode tried very hard to infantilize Tommy in comparison to Joel. “Tommy was just following Joel.”

I’m sorry, but Tommy “ex war veteran who can’t accept he’s now a communist” Miller is not some little boy who was forced along by his big brother. He was a fully grown man who was fine with killing even before the outbreak and was in his element after. The fact that Maria even tried to pull that out her ass made me disgusted with her a bit. Especially since she too was no stranger to killing. “Those people tried us.” No I think the cute indigenous couple was right. Their group had just threatened what as far as they knew, was just a man and his little girl traveling with being shot to death or mauled by dogs.

10. When it was all said and done, Joel became an even older man and tried to change and become better. He tried to leave the mess of the past behind him and tried to mend things with Ellie. Despite how she treated him, he never stopped loving her and never regretted his decision to save her. Even as he was dying, I’m sure he only thought about his other babygirl being safe. He got an unfair lot and did the best he could it with it. Lord knows other people in that universe fell into deeper, unnecessary forms of depravity that Joel for the most part steered clear of.

#tlou #tlou hbo #joel and ellie #joel miller #cordyceps #dystopian #pedro pascal #joel and tommy

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duskkodesh · 6 months

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Look who's here...

How about a figure review? It might be long so I'll have to put it all under the cut.

SO, after nearly 3 damn years I have my figure. I ordered in Feb of 2021 with them saying it would hit THAT SUMMER. *Shakes fist* The movie delays and pandemic I think fucked their releases up royally but also I had some extreme panic about losing 100$ because I paid in full with Paypal at order date. ANYWAYS... he's here now. Outside box gave way to this:

Petty complaint 1: Y'all could have commissioned some original artwork for your boxes instead. The sides are a different cover but this time from the 2020 series. I contemplated why they didn't just give me a window box.

Oh. That's why. SO... After 20 minutes of me peeling protective plastic off of literally every part of Morb...

He angy. Okay so good points: He comes with three heads, eight hands. His suit is a very cool feeling cloth and the collar STANDS UP. He's got the V-cut though it should be more whorish. The heads pop on and off his ball joint neck super easy. The hands are trickier and go on with a peg so take some wiggles. Costume is non removable and why no belt? MEZCO? What did you do to my boy's belt? One last small complaint:

Cape, not wingflaps. Look, I get that diff artists have changed that around but capes are boring. Also the cape goes longer cut than his sleeve which doesn't work well visually. If the suit is permanent they could have done wingflaps. Overall I love him, he's cool and the faces and hands have sold me entirely... but the accessories. Oh. My. God.

Guys help... that microscope folds and transforms. THE FUCKING CENTRIFUGE LIGHTS UP. The lights circle and then the computer screens light up like he got results or something!!!

The beaker and test tube come out. The dagger, hammer and stakes come out and are on a hidden tray under the lab stuff!!! You have enough stuff here to actually play doctor and then a gun for when all else fails! (I'm a healer... but) BTW they say 'syringe gun' but Mezco those are frickin bullets in that tray. Also the battery is in it's own teeny clamshell until you pop it in his case so if you store this figure long term there's no worries about batteries corroding inside a figure and destroying shiz. Accessories? 11/10 like Oh my god guys. The only problem I have is my fat sausage fingers moving and spinning things. They are TINY.

And look at this paint job! you can see his gums! His eyes are glossed! He has his facial hair! AHHHHHHHH the likeness is so good!

He is also almost perfectly Marvel Legends scale if you need a Spidey to take blood samples from or a she-hulk to inevitably bail him out from jail when he does something dumb as heck!

This was worth a three year wait, I need two more to display all the heads!!! Please excuse me for a while. I have an extreme urge to play action figures again like when I was eight. WHO WANTS TO PLAY WITH ME?

#morbius #morbius the living vampire #michael morbius #marvel #mezco toyz #action figures #Action figure review #I AM GOING TO KISS MEZCO WITH MY WHOLE MOUTH #Mezco one 12 collective #Mezco one:12 #My beloved baby boi

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estellardreams · 4 months

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Tachophobia Expanded Universe: Incorrect Quotes

Niko: Then either Sonic is a god or could kill god, and I do not care if there is a difference.

Camellia, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-

Camellia, holding a toy lightsaber: I’m Darth Vader! Doctor Aster: I’m done with everyone’s bullshit.

Camellia: What do we think of Niko? *pause* Damien: *sighs* Nice pal. Kyle: I think they're gay.

Damien: No, I don't want to talk about physics! I don't know anything about the laws of physics because they are hard and boring. I simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! Is that really asking too much? Kyle: Yes, as a matter of fact, it is! Damien: Well, guess what? Science is stupid bullshit!! Kyle: You take that back!!! Damien: No. Magic is awesome. Science blows. The end.

Damien: Is this gaslighting? Am I being gaslit? Doctor Aster: If I were gaslighting you, you’d never know it. Damien: Is THAT gaslighting? Doctor Aster: Shut up.

Damien: Hello, I'm Damien. I work at a shop now. Here to help. Look, they gave me a badge with my name on it in case I forget it. Very helpful, as that does happen.

Damien, ordering coffee: I’d like a light roast. Kyle: You're kinda ugly.

Camellia: Do you guys want to see a butterfly? Kyle: Ooh, yes please! Doctor Aster, with their laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a stupid bug! Camellia: It's not a bug though... Doctor Aster: ... Kyle: ... Doctor Aster: Well I still don't want to see. Kyle, realizing: Please don't throw- Camellia: Whee! *throws a stick of butter*

Damien: Just wondering, did you get any sleep? Camellia: Did I get any... leap? Damien: What...?

Niko, gesturing to Doctor Aster: Camellia, look what you did! You made Mom upset! Damien: Mom, please don’t cry, we’re sorry! Camellia: I’m sorry Mom... :( Doctor Aster, near tears: I DON’T REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO ANY OF YOU!

Kyle: Hi could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire? Damien: Microwave for 40 minutes. Camellia: WHY WERE YOU MICROWAVING A LEMON?! Damien: I read boiling lemons helps cover up bad smells and I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges, but I didn’t own any pots… Niko: Did you burn an orange too? HOW?! Damien: Microwave for 40 minutes.

Kyle, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

Camellia: Onion rings are vegetable donuts. Damien, used to Camellia being dumb: Sure... Camellia: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed. Damien: Okay? Camellia: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake. Damien: Camellia: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio- Damien: Jesus, that one is a little- Niko, interested: No, no, Camellia, keep going.

Kyle: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths. Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

Damien: What's that? Camellia: Chocolate. Damien: What's chocolate? Camellia: Candy. Do they not have candy where you're from? Damien: Yeah. Grapes, nuts. Camellia: No wonder you're so bitter.

Kyle: Don’t you have any dignity, Doctor Aster? Doctor Aster: Uh, no.

Niko: Hey Damien, do you have any hobbies? Damien: Swimming.. Niko: Really? That’s cool. I never expected you to- Damien: In a pool of self hatred and regret.

Damien: I’m terrible at expressing myself. Doctor Aster: Don’t worry, actions speak louder than words! Damien: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

Kyle: Oh gosh I wish I got more sleep I only got six hours! Camellia: Six? I only got three! Niko: You guys got sleep? Damien, comes stumbling out of their room and grabs a jug of coffee before saying: What year is it??

Camellia: You’re insane! Doctor Aster: Sure I am, what’s your point?

(OH MY GOD WHEN I SAW THIS GENERATED I SCREAMED:)

Damien: Welcome to my room. As you can see, I've knocked over many chairs because I get so tilted at the towers. Kyle: Uh, this isn't really tilted. Or a tower. Damien: Well you see, it's a gamer pad. Not many girls come in here because I get friendzoned so frequently. But that's okay. Kyle: I'd like to be in the Friendzone! I like friends! Damien: It's not as pleasant as you think. They don't treat you like a friend. They treat you like an item. Sometimes I wish I could be more than just an accessory to these women; But unfortunately, as a gamer, I don't get respect. Kyle: I'm not a gamer! so maybe they'll respect me! Damien: That just makes you a beta cuck.

Niko: Be right back, gonna hit the toilet for a quick power sob.

Camellia: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm? Doctor Aster: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.

Doctor Aster: What kinds of sounds annoy you? Camellia: Are we talking real sounds or imaginary ones? Doctor Aster, now interested: Lets say imaginary. Camellia: Spiders wearing flip flops.

#sonic au #sonic #tachophobia expanded universe #text post #incorrect quotes #Might add more to this idk

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ahiddenpath · 2 months

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Life Chatter

Talkin' about life beneath the cut.

It feels like there's a lot going on? I'm not sure where to start.

Heath

My husband had a minor health scare, and when we called our primary... Ah, turns out they were bought sometime since we last went, and we are no longer patients. But don't worry, we can see you in late April for your chest pains!

He went to an urgent care place, where they found that he has high blood pressure. They put him on a month of medication until he can see his new primary. We have a million doctor's appointment in March, both of us to start a new primary relationship somewhere else (it's rated a lot better than the old place anyway, to be honest), and some additional specialized appointments for my husband. About a week later, he is already in the high end of a healthy blood pressure, so please don't worry.

To be frank, we haven't properly cared for our health since before the pandemic. I mentioned to my husband, "I got blood work like... Before the pandemic? Three years ago?" And he was gently like, "Love, that was five years ago."

I always thought I understood what we lost to the pandemic, more or less. But the way time has smeared, five years becoming three in my head, all that lost medical care because I thought going to where sick people congregated was worse than not going, and then losing the habit of seeking annual care...

It's definitely past time to reclaim those habits. Routine preventative care, diet, and exercise. Honestly, we're not guaranteed timely medical care at all in the USA (we'll see you in two months for your chest pain), let alone affordable care. The onus is on me to have healthy habits and lose the weight I gained since the pandemic.

So, that's what I've been doing for the last week and a half. Eating healthier food and exercising. I want to say that I'm energized and feeling great, but uhhh.

I'm fucking exhausted. I have been passing out on my sofa at 9 PM.

Work

We moved our lab at work. It's wonderful, because I was a lab hobo for a year who um. When we hired more people than we had benches, we changed to, "No one has their own bench, it's hot seating." Except everyone who worked there before me had their stuff set up; that was their bench, and if I was working there when they entered, they looked at me like, "Wtf are you doing." It was extremely othering, having to apologize for doing your work in someone else's spot, knowing you could be asked to move any time.

I have my own bench, at least for now. The issue is that our lab is on the fifth floor on the opposite end of our huge ass, rectangular building. Our office sitting area is on floor two on the other end of the rectangle. I've been clocking 8,000 to 10,500 steps per day, and up to 78 minutes of elevated heart activity (ie, exercise minutes), just from... Existing at work. It was probably a bad time to combine this with exercise and calorie reduction, lmao! I didn't realize how much more exercise I would get at work.

On one hand, I get paid to be healthier at work. Cool. On the other, I do wonder- How would I get through my day if I were pregnant or injured? Those days when you feel a little off, but not actually ill, are going to be a lot harder now.

In happy news, I got my rewards letter for 2023, and um. My bonus? It's literally 8x my annual bonus at my last company. I would have had to work for 8 years and be awarded 8 times to get this money that I am receiving after 1 year here (well- I guess it's always 1.25 years, since you receive benefits at the end of Q1 the following year, but for some reason, every company I've worked at has done the same).

So like... Work hard, be paid hard is certainly better than work hard, be paid poorly/okay-ly. I do see that. But I am kind of laughing at how it comes at a time when work suddenly has a forced exercise element, lol! And a colleague the other day turned to me and said, "You know, fifteen years ago, I never would have dreamed of companies hiring beyond their space. Like, people not having a desk or a bench, or your sitting area being so far from your work area. What are we doing? What are we accepting, as workers?"

And I was like, "YEAH FUNNY STUFF, HUH."

Creating

I read a book for the first time in ages. I currently have four more book requests in at my local library. I've been trying to get back into reading, which was so vital for me all my life.

To be honest, as more pressures rise against fandom creators as people and AI steal their work and profit from it, I feel less inclined to share my work online. I have still been working on it, so if my mood shifts, the content will be there. But I'd say the pace of my work has decreased a lot.

The last thing I ever want to do is guilt anyone. But the risks of sharing our work online are greater than they've ever been, and the response to it from readers/viewers is lower than it's ever been, at least in my experience. I would really suggest that readers/viewers be as encouraging as possible if the content they are receiving is meaningful to them. I feel like so many of us are one more blow away from reducing/abandoning our online presence.

Mental Health

So I've been struggling lately with thinking- is this it? Is this my life? Work and be tired all the time? And I have the benefit of working and being tired all the time, but not having financial stress. It must be infinitely worse if you aren't making enough money on top of all that, which is true for a lot of Americans. Although if I were to have a kid, that financial stress would be born with the child...

Taking better care of myself does make me feel more like... Hm, a little more hopeful? Like I am planning for a tomorrow instead of watching the years ooze on? But it's also difficult and tiring, and energy was already low.

I am trying to plan some fun upcoming stuff with my husband. Little day outings and weekend getaway type things. The issue I think is that... Doing stuff truly seems worse since the pandemic? Paying so much more for so much less, going there and everything being so crowded that you can't get service or see anything, etc. I need to figure out ways to receive positive stimulation and have fun, without setting off my sensory issues or hemorrhaging money. Again, though, putting time and energy into that is not easy.

That's where I am now! I hope you're all hanging in there and maybe feeling a bit better as winter wanes and spring approaches. I love you and I'm hoping for the best for you <3

#hidden's life

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sharpth1ng · 1 year

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Non-Billy/Stu related autism rant cause I’m 🫥

Had to go get blood work done today, means going into the hospital which is Big Bad (the needle itself is fine I’m a little hypo-sensitive to pain, it’s the lighting, the sound, the smells and the busy hospital environment that mess me up).

So I’m, prepared, I have my most comfort clothing, I’ve got my noise blockers, my sunglasses and literal instructions written on my phone incase I get overwhelmed so I’m thinking cool, we groovy, I got this.

I enter the hospital and pretty quickly lose speech (not surprising, it’s been on and off for a few days, it’s been an overwhelming week), but it’s cool, I have a text to speech app so I’m not panicking.

I get to the nurse station to actually have my blood taken and type out a little message to explain that I’m autistic and I can’t speak right now but that they can talk to me and I can still hear them through my noise blockers, I’ll just have to respond through the app.

And this person goes: “ok that’s fine, but could you put away your phone? I’d like to know that you’re paying attention and I need to ask some questions.”

Like ??????????? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS MY PHONE IS MY VOICE RN

.I know nurses and doctors are overworked especially rn and mostly they mean well. I don’t want to minimize what they do and have put up with over the pandemic.

I’m immunocompromised, I desperately need them but I constantly get put in medical situations where I am arbitrarily prevented from advocating for myself because I don’t have an AAC device that isn’t my phone or because apparently it takes to long to wait for me to type.

I’ve had 3 conversations with 3 different autistic people about situations where people just completely refuse to adapt even a little to our communication needs and decide to see us as oversensitive/picky/attention seeking/rude/a hundred other things and I’m so tired for us all.

If anyone else is having a TIME™️ just know you deserve better and you aren’t alone.

(I’m ok I just needed to rant about this somewhere where someone might get it. Gonna sit in a dark room and listen to loud music now.)

#being an autistic adult is an EXPERIENCE #I spent my whole life trying to learn to communicate and they can’t even take the smallest step to meet me in the middle #I’m just tired #all my autistic homies are having a bad time rn wtf #cw ableism #personal

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kingproteus · 11 months

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What’s PMDD then?

Informational post by a post-hysto trans guy :) (btw terfs fuck off and burn in hell)

For me, PMDD was a circular pattern of my mood randomly going to shit, and pulling my life in after it. I’d then, for reasons unclear to me pre-diagnosis, have a few days (normally three or four) where I felt really good. I hadn’t noticed this circle followed my cycle for most of my early to late teens, because why would it? I’d never been told about PMDD, and all the uterus-havers in my family had the same issues I did.

I went through doctors, was cleared for bpd, borderline, asd, adhd, ibs, high blood pressure, and finally was settled into the “depression” and “anxiety without social anxiety” camps. Yay.

Of course, when I put the pieces together at 16 or so, it became clear to me that PMDD was the reason for this. The monthly times at which my life got shittier and shittier were placed before my period started, and evened out when I got my period, and went away a few days before my period ended. Then I had a few days of feeling good, a few days of feeling just okay, and then it was back to hell.

The first doctor I went to about my PMDD diagnosis immediately diagnosed me. She said it was obvious I had it. It was crazy, I had expected a fight over it.

This, of course, made getting on antidepressants a stupid hard task. I’d go on something and think it was working, but jokes on me that was just my PMDD letting up. Or I’d switch meds in a panic only to realize my extreme depression was my PMDD fucking me over.

In the end, I just got a laparoscopic hysterectomy with ovarian removal. I’m about two weeks post-op now, and I feel better than normal. I’m back to jogging and doing all my normal stuff. 10/10 surgery.

So… why the fuck does PMDD do this?

I’m obviously not an expert, just a sufferer, but the basic reason is my body freaks out when my hormones fluctuate. My body couldn’t figure out that my sex organs were doing a natural cyclical job, one they did every month. So my body went on high alert. People can have a mix of physical and emotional symptoms. Extreme depression, difficulty concentrating and remembering stuff, anxiety, insane back pain, some people even have worse vision.

When I got on T at 15, my symptoms were lessened by 50%. It HALVED my symptoms. It was a godsend. Seriously, I can’t stress what a good decision it was for me.

As it’s only been a few weeks for me, I can’t speak to how hysterectomy has effected me. I’ll definitely write some follow up posts about it all once I’ve gathered my thoughts.

The reason I post all this is because I’ve spent my whole fucking life, well, since I was 9 and got my first period, feeling like the only fucking trans guy with PMDD in the whole world. This shit was confusing, all the experts didn’t know what to do with me and my T levels, and I wasn’t welcome or comfortable in any PMDD-specific space.

It felt like shit, and I was lonely, and I literally only realized I had it 3 years ago.

Being a trans guy can already be an insanely lonely experience, but being a trans guy with a VERY uterus-specific problem even more so. But I’m done being embarrassed about it, or assuming people will use it to discredit my identity.

I’m just posting this because I want my account of it SOMEWHERE. Just to say that being a trans dude with PMDD is survivable, and normal, and fine. I’ve a good life and a great boyfriend and a kickass family. If my nine year old self could see me now he’d be amazed.

But yeah, shit gets better and PMDD can go fuck itself right beside my ovaries in the medical waste dumpster at the hospital.

#PMDD #Trans #trans pmdd #living with pmdd #fuck pmdd #pmdd awareness #mlm #transmasc #disability

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annunnaki7 · 1 year

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ARE DISSABLED PEOPLE LAZY? COULD REALLY DO BETTER IF THEY TRIED HARDER? This is an example of an average bad week, like 6/10 bad on mental health and 5/10 on the physical level. Oh yea it gets so much worst! Read this and tell me how I could have improved.

MAY 2023

Sat 29.04.23

-Asthma bad all night. I coughed myself awake so often I didn't get any deep sleep.

-Fibromyalgia not happy about this, and is flaring up on its way to STOPPING FLARING up instead! 🤬 Joy! So now going to pee has extra general pain added to it.

- Allergies & Sinus bad. My nose runs non stop. Used 1/2 roll of toilet paper blowing my nose just today. And no, I don't like waisting things. Throwing meds at it.

-Managed to work with my carer, sorting paperwork. I can't help with much else anymore. I don't have the hand strength to cut a carrot. That's annoying as taking away from my autonomy.

Sun 30.04.23

- Allergies & Sinus still bad with non stop daily headaches, with migraine sometimes.

-Fibromyralgia flare. Pain feels like I feel down badement cement stairs or when I had major surgery on day 3 with 5 days hospital stay. I'm in too much pain to eat. Exhaustion worst than Covid & Pneumonia!

-Asthma bad. I have to rest for 1 minute every 10-15 meters I walk. Going to the loo takes 5 breaks.

- Urinary incontinence dissability related not happy about so many breaks to get TO the loo. I need buy more trousers! (I used 3 in one day twice this week)

- I'm in so much exhaustion & pain I can't even face watching TV. Strong painkillers increased. I'm not happy. I was hoping to decrease them this week!

Mon 01.05.23

-Migraine.

-Sinus inflamed for past 4 weeks. Related to but not only cause of migraine. I'm a migraine sufferer.

-Fibromyalgia medium flare. Hands hurt as well as eveywere else. A plate is heavy to lift. I can't stab potatoes to zap them in microwave by myself.

-Hayfever slightly improving.

-If I didn't have a carer coming to help me with a wash, I don't know how I would cope.She helped more today. She's so nice. People don't appreciate them enough.

-Concerned how I'll make hospital appointment of Thursday. And got builders in tomorrow.

Tuesday 02.05.23

-Migraine at night.

-All body pain bad. Been worst before though.

-Builders poped in to say they'll be back tomorrow. And no neither owner nor estate agents told them about all the work needing doing.

- This is in fact my comparativly, the "best day" to date. I can't sit in a chair re pain. And I have a high pain threshold. Had major surgery and got up by myself the next day when everyone else did on the 3rd day with help. Nurses said it was shocking to see me trot - carefully - about.

- Hospital appointment of tomorrow changed for latter on. It's not a vital one.

-District Nurse popped in to assess if I need to worry re swealing in legs. I'll have to go to the specialist clinic after all.

-Blood Pressure still high & Pulse going nuts. Say hi to all types of allergies as a possible cause! I take the strongest anti histamin, plus 6 over the counter allergy tablets daily. Yep, the specialist doctors advised that. It stop skin for literally falling off and other horror stories!

Wed 03.05.23

-Vomited blood all night (5hrs of hurling on off) from ulcer, blood clots included! Yuck! 3rd time in 1 month.

-Day Migraine following as haven't been able to drink much

-Im past normal exhausted as part of Fibromyalgia. It feels like I did a 14hr shift and haven't slep the next 2 nights. (Yes, I've done that in the past. Joy of nursing & midwifery whilst having dissabilities)

- Spoke to GP, meds increased. I don't want another endoscopy. Don't see what else it will tell us. It's costly to the NHS, I'm going to be in so much pain for at least 2 weeks after due to dissability, not the test. Urinary incontinence will be a pain. I'm not even for resuscitation (DNR) anyways.

-Not hungry. Disordered eating means it will kick in if I can't eat at all today. Gods even cake don't sound appealing!

- Builders back. Same thing, back tomorrow instead. But now they got the list of job.

-District Nurse decided I need compression stockings! My severe eczema might not like the extra heat in summer! & Scratchy material.

-Migraine afternoon - nightime.

-Did eat eventually. Yea me!

Thursday 04.05.23

-Food helped with migraine & dissorted eating.

- Pain and extreme exhaustion same. I can't hold a plate of food.

- Severe anxiety started in afternoon after flat owner demanding I get the garden clean that night. Message was passed to me by builder at around 4.40pm. to be done by tomorrow morning. Oh yea, I'm dissabled with poor balance, walks some 15-20 meter with 2 stick, uses wheelchair otherwise. And it would get dark even if I miraculously find someone for, ... work that's not urgent! And oh yes, there's no place to eat at the kitchen table due to building work. Like that's not a priority after builders leave rather than garden. Also. Thunder and rain so bad, I though thunder had struck nearby.

-Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) few times last night (originates from past child abuse) but attacks due to the way the flat owner and estates agent treats me.

Friday 05.05.23

-Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) exacerbated since around 2am started with the stress.

- Headaches back

- Severe anxiety rising progressively

- C-PTSD flash back early morning. Good thing I know how to manage it.

- I ate with carer, yea! Well she made me eat.

Saturday 06.05.23

-Anxiety still high

-C-PTSD same high during day, not typical of abuse. Definitely flat owner & Estates Agent related.

Sunday 07.05.23

- Actively managing the mental health side of things.

- Bad Heaches day time

- Friend brought me yummy KFC. Could only eat a tiny bit. Oh great, that's Dissordered Eating not happy with all the stress!

- Migrainy headach lasted 2-3 hrs. Resolved with management.

-Asthma attack in evening for over 2hrs. Was so rough couldn't do lung capacity measurement until finally calmed down.

- I won't be able to finish my KFC now. I'm pissed off. I'm so tired of juggling several deseases. It wouldn't be so bad of people acted like human being.

So. Do you still think I'm leisurely lying around having a relaxing time as a dissabled person?

Did you realise that it takes managing one thing after another everyday?

So everyone can do better of they "really wanted"? I really wanted to not loose my mortgage and dog. It's my dog I missed the most, not even one of my things. From a Midwife I became homeless. From working 16hrs or work followed by Union Rep work (IE talking to staff, not official meetings before you quote the law) I'm now not able to eat independently at times, or wash alone now. I'm still acting? Have a good, lazy life? You want to swap?

#Dissability Awareness #Discrimination #Ableism #disableism #health management

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just-rogi · 9 months

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Not to beat a dead horse with the whole “America is shit” thing but the medical system is SO fucked and evil… but like even AS someone with amazing insurance coverage that I pay $300 a month for… they are always fucking rushing me. I literally pay so much and I get maybe 15-20 minutes to talk with my doctor. I came into my appointment nt with a list of concerns (not a huge list just to streamline the process by writing down all symptoms and family history changes) and I didn’t even get to ask about half the shit I wanted to because I felt like I was being rushed out of there. I got my results from my blood work digitally and have to try to google what all the medical terms mean bc no one is explaining what ALT or Hypochromia present means. Like FUCK what am I even paying for??? I want a doctor to explain this shit to me because I don’t know and some of these numbers are scary and I am trying not to go webMD crazy but without any professional to guide me what is the average person supposed to do???

I literally spent more time with the phlebotomist than I did with my doctor because I had to lay down for 15 minutes minimum while they took my blood. That’s fucked up. I wanted to ask about my mental health currently and any options for mental health professionals or therapists bc I’ve been going through massive life changes… I didn’t even get the fucking chance. She came in, checked my ears mouth and heart, told me to lose weight and see a gyno about my period, and left. I had to SPECIFICALLY REQUEST blood work be done for my mess of symptoms, because I researched ahead of time the possibilities. I got the feeling that she thought I was being a crazy hypochondriac requesting blood work but I was fucking RIGHT!!! I DO have a form of anemia unrelated to dietary iron, and I’m not an expert but my results indicate reduced liver function which I was EXPLAINING when I was talking about my reaction to alcohol and why I cant drink without feeling sick immediately. GOD !! I hate this whole process it’s like I’m begging people to listen to me while hemorrhaging money.

She literally kept telling me to lose weight and I wanted to fucking scream at her to look up at me and away from the computer because I’m literally a size fucking small and wouldn’t you know it I have amazing bp and cholesterol. She talked about my weight for three times as long as she talked about my concerning array of symptoms and then added “weight gain” as one of my main concerns. This system is fucking godawful.

((also thats also ignoring the fact that if she fucking looked at my chart for more than the five minutes she was in the room with me she would see that I was on a watchlist for potential ED as a teenager and told to gain weight literally four years ago by my pediatrician))

#tw ed mention #cw ed mention

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