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#the second to last is genuinely so good? like they should use it for real
sherlock-is-ace · 2 years
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A very important set
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doctorwhoisadhd · 6 days
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hmm thinking about the idea of love songs. i think the idea of what a love song is that we have in our culture is inherently a little bit flawed because we have the idea that any song written about romantic feelings is a love song and im thinking thats not exactly true because there is a difference between "romance" and "love". what i'm saying is not that love is a broader category and applies to things that are not romantic in nature. this is in fact true, but it's not what makes the important distinction here. the true distinction between "romance" and "love" is that romance is a societally defined type of interest in another person, whereas love is, essentially, a promise that you make when you build a relationship.
as such, what i call "love" here might be better defined as "care", as that implies more time and effort, but that's a different suitcase to unpack and largely unimportant to my point here, which is more about the societal conventions of what we call love songs. the point is, relationships can be built with other people, yes, but also animals, places, organizations, ideas, so on and so on, whereas romance requires another person, hence the difference between the ideas of "romance" and "love".
with that in mind, there are two types of songs we in western, english speaking, society call "love songs":
1) songs that are about a person's romantic interest in someone that is either definitively known to be unrequited (existing monogamous relationship, sexuality that doesn't align, etc) or simply not requited (aka romantic interest being unknown); and
2) songs about an existing relationship (keeping in mind my points about relationships not just being with people, but also places, things, etcetera) as is.
(some examples of the latter category: mountaintop by relient k, which defines the relationship in question as non-romantic; or i miss my mum by cavetown, which is - as the title implies - a song about the singer missing their mother.)
now, the thing that makes distinguishing these two difficult is the fact that songs about an existing relationship CAN be about wanting certain aspects of that relationship to change. in these cases, determining that a song is one or the other will hinge either on a) authorial intent or b) whether the song is more about what the singer wants (thereby implying #1) or the lack thereof in that relationship (which would imply #2).
to get back to the subject at hand: the term "love song", as we think of it, is an umbrella term that include both of these two categories, and i think that perhaps it is reductive to do so. with that in mind, i think perhaps it would be more appropriate for "love song" to mean only the latter, whereas the former is a category of its own. WHICH is not to say that the two can't overlap — just that if a song is about a person with whom the singer has no relationship, it cannot be considered a love song due to the fact that it is a song about infatuation, not love.
(another interesting wrinkle this provides is the fact that a song might start out in the first category and, as the writer develops a relationship with a person, might move into the second category as they write more.)
#anyway. just some of my thoughts on this as an aromantic songwriter#ari opinion hour#this goes a good deal to reconcile my constant writing of love songs with the fact that none of them are romantic#which im fine with as long as im keeping them to myself but it DOES feel dishonest when i hide that theyre love songs.#however this did also go some way to convince me that maybe care songs is an alternative that i SHOULD use because it is more applicable to#me than the concept of love which MOST people do not have the same perspective on as i do and having different definitions of the same word#is an important barrier to consider in communication#i will admit i do think im clinging to my care songs being love songs due to my relationship with an organization to which love is very#important as i dont want to go back on my promises to that organization as it IS very important to me#anyway. can you tell ive been reading house of leaves by the fact that this appeared fully fledged in my head in fully academic language#but for real like thinking about it now and even my old love songs like most would probably think to see them that they would go in the#first category and they just. DO NOT. at least not the ones that were written after i was like Yeah im aro again#its interesting the ones i wrote in the brief period where i thought i WASNT aro in like mid hs those i WOULD put in the first category#even though like i do NOT think i was right about it being romantic#but the ones after i was like Yea im aro again are like. Thats definitely the latter#part of it is i did find a voice that was like genuinely Mine and wasnt just writing sort of generic love songs#love songs in the typical usage i mean so they were really more infatuation songs#but like i was still with the last person irl who i wrote these about divorced from like... my aroness because of how much i liked him#and i would still put those in the second category#so part of it is awareness as well#so. yeah. its interesting#i probably should just suck it up and start calling them care songs. even if people dont know what i mean to say that
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gojoux · 5 months
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𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐘 𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐊
Gojo. Geto. Sukuna. Nanami. Choso. Toji. Megumi. Itadori. Yuta. Inumaki.
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◈ — 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎
Gojo certainly would notice if there is something ‘odd’ and won’t hesitate to point it out, “Is that hickey? I don’t remember leaving it there though.” He squints his eyes behind his blindfold as if his Six Eyes is lying to him. Indeed, he will always remember every mark he left on you, so he does become suspicious. He’d mock the appearance of the hickey once he catches on and plays into your game, “That can’t be mine. It’s too faint, look at that,” and with a cheeky grin, he’ll give you an actual hickey, big and noticeable.
◈ — 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎
Geto is an attentive listener, he stays quiet and listens to you closely when you talk. When he notices the hickey, he stays silent and his expression doesn’t change. He decided it’s best to keep it to himself until you finish talking. “Is that hickey, love? I don’t remember leaving you any last night,” he’d ask, his tone somewhat passive-aggressive. He’d make a move by touching the spot with his thumb, smearing the made-up mark, and chuckle lightly afterward. “You’re naughty, sweetheart.”
◈ — 𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀
Sukuna would notice right away when he sees you in sight. “What was that?” He’d ask with a raised brow with a commanding tone, he expected you to be honest with him. When you play dumb, he’d ask you again as he stands up from his seat, “I’m asking you. What is that.” He holds your nape, making you face him still. He’d analyze the mark properly before laughing shortly, “This looks so bad. Let me show you what a real hickey looks like.” He manages to fill your neck to your shoulder with his deep colored mark.
◈ — 𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈
Nanami has a sharp eye, he’d notice right away. He looks at it in silence with his usual stoic, serious face before he speaks calmly to the point, “You have a hickey, love. Who gave it to you?” Honestly, he’s already used to your antics, and it doesn’t take long for him to figure out that the hickey doesn’t look like the usual ones he gave you. “If you want one, you should just ask me. No need to waste time and effort to make one yourself.” He knows, and he’s unbothered so he just flows along with it for you.
◈ — 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐎
Choso would notice the hickey on your neck and the confusion would be written all over his face. He’ll double-check on your neck and at you, “There’s a mark... on your neck,” he looks at your skin. “Are you okay? Is it a bruise? Or is it from me?” He asks, genuinely curious and a bit concerned as he looks intently at the hickey with his eyebrows slightly furrowed. He doesn’t want to touch it for some reason. He’ll let out a small “Oh...” when you admit it to him after how long he’s been staring at it.
◈ — 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈
Toji would be as nonchalant as ever. He doesn’t notice it at first, but the more he stares at you, the more he keeps looking at the hickey with the way his gaze sharpens every second as if he's analyzing the whole mark placed on that particular spot of your body. “That’s a terrible hickey, by the way. Whoever gave it to you suck ass, 'cause that’s not mine for sure,” he snickers. “Let me give you a good one,” he murmurs as he pulls you closer by the nape.
◈ — 𝐌𝐄𝐆𝐔𝐌𝐈
Megumi doesn’t want to point it out at first, deciding to just leave it for now, but he can’t seem to take his eyes away from the mark and he can’t help but be curious. “Hey, there’s a hickey there,” he points with his eyes. He’d then ask, “From where did you get it?” because he wants to hear it directly from you since he doesn’t remember leaving one on you recently. He’d take the initiative to touch it himself where he realizes it’s only makeup, not realizing that he just let out a small sigh of relief.
◈ — 𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐈
Itadori wouldn’t even notice it’s fake. He thinks it’s the one he left behind since he tends to give you small hickeys of affection after he kissed you. “Looks like you still have the hickey I gave you,” he grins widely when points it out. He’d even show you off his own hickeys that you left for him and end up rambling about it, “Did you know I have a few too? You gave me this one yesterday, and this one three days ago, oh, I really like this one, the color looks nice, you did a really good job on that, and this one—”
◈ — 𝐘𝐔𝐓𝐀
Yuta would be a bit shy since it’s exposed so others would know that he left that on you but at the same time he just realized that he was not around you for a few days. He taps your shoulder gently to talk, beating around the bush at first since he doesn’t want to assume you’d go behind his back, he just doesn’t know to address it to you without the fear of offending your feelings. Once you’re done enjoying his flustered reaction, you finally reveal that it’s just a prank, and he’d let out a big sigh of relief, “Oh, wow, that looks real! How did you do that? Can I give you a real one instead?”
◈ — 𝐈𝐍𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐈
Inumaki glares at the hickey, looking at it and to your eyes in disapproval, waiting for you to take the hint that he doesn’t like what he’s seeing. When you say that the hickey is from him, he immediately shakes his head and crosses his arms to deny it. When he looks more closely, he becomes suspicious at the ‘oddness’ and rubs it with his finger just to make sure it’s what he thinks it is. When the makeup smears on his fingers, he’ll smile smugly and smear it on your cheek just to make fun of you.
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Looks like I need to warm up ☝️
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luveline · 2 years
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𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
summary You ask your best friend Eddie to give you your first kiss. Eddie's not really in the habit of saying no to you. [4k]
warnings fem!reader, fluff, first kiss, eddie being totally sweet on his best friend, wrist kisses, sharing a bed, eddie reads to you, you hurt your arm and eddie is overprotective/doting etc, unspoken mutual pining, requested here
𓆩❤︎𓆪
"This is way heavier than you implied," you say, words followed by a startled, pained gasp as you lose your grip on the amp and it almost pops your wrist from the socket trying to keep it up. 
"Shit," he says. 
Eddie quickly shoves the bigger amp he'd been carrying into the back of the van and makes to help you, his fingers pushing into your stomach as he lugs it up into his arms.
"I'm sorry," he says, and for once you think his apology might be genuine. "I forget how heavy they feel at the end of the night." 
Your arms ache. You definitely pulled something you didn't mean to, a sharp pinching pain climbing from your wrist to the crook of your elbow. "Eddie, I think I hurt myself." 
He shoves the last amp into the van and doesn't bother closing the door, turning back to you with a concerned grimace. "Yeah? Your wrist?" 
He holds his hand out and you extend your arm, wincing. He's tentative, taking your wrist in one hand while the other grasps your upper arm loosely. 
"What's it feel like?" 
"Like I twisted my ankle, but in my wrist." 
He laughs under his breath at your explanation, sweat-damp hair falling into his eyes as he looks you over. "The word you're looking for is 'sprained,'" he informs you jovially. 
There's no physical evidence of any injury, not that either of you had expected that, and he has no real reason to be touching you. His thumb smooths over the flat of your wrist.
"How bad is it? Amputation?" you ask, suddenly all drama. You put on a tearful frown and pinch your eyebrows together. 
Eddie – who's used to this, who encourages this – nods gravely. "You'll likely never use it again." 
"Good heavens, doc. Is there really nothing you can do?" you implore, leaning away from him with your uninjured hand thrown to your forehead. 
"Nothing… unless you're willing to undergo the most invasive, painful, gruesome operation any one girl has ever undergone." 
"Anything." 
"Close your eyes." 
You close them, always willing to play these fanciful make-believe's with him. He's charming, it's funny, but you can't say you expect the hot press of his lips against your pulse. If it had been a smacking, playful thing with too much spit you would have laughed about it, but it hadn't been. It's gentle. It's sweet. 
He pulls away. You open your eyes to find him lingering, staring at your wrist. A split-second. 
"Fixed, right?" he asks smugly. 
You take your arm back and curl it towards your chest, twinging with pain. "Definitely. Good as new." 
Eddie slams the back doors shut and stretches with a groan, cool night air kissing the shining sliver of abdomen that emerges. He's always sweaty after a gig. You know you should find it gross. 
You should. 
"Alright, get in the van, sweet thing. It's way past your bedtime." 
You laugh and climb into the passenger side, skirt riding up and tights featuring a brand new ladder thanks to some idiot who'd almost broken your leg. You point it out to Eddie as he starts the engine, "Did you see this? S'my last good pair of tights."
He tugs at the ladder and you squeal, pulling your thigh up and over the other so he can't reach it.
"There, they're punk now. Do it on purpose and you're cool," he says sagely. 
"Are you staying?" he asks, the question so familiar it doesn't need a proper end. 
"Thanks for that." 
There's lost minutes of a comfortable silence. You watch the roads change as you draw nearer and nearer to home.
"If you shower first." 
He sighs like this is very tortuous of you to ask but agrees. "Yeah, whatever. Always get what you want," he mutters, taking a rough turn that has you gripping your seat. "My bad." 
"Learn to drive!" you demand, laughing. 
"You learn to drive! Then you wouldn't need a ride every night!" 
"Baby," you say earnestly. "Rides to your shows." 
He looks at you out of the corner of his eye. You turn to him, perplexed by his uncharacteristic silence. Usually he has something quick to say, an uppity comeback, too witty for his own good and twice as fast. 
"What? Wait, don't tell me, you're having a total epiphany right now on why I'm the best friend you've ever had." You nod to yourself, leaning back in your seat with your chin held high. "It's easy. I'm extremely dedicated, I'm sharp as a whip. I'm funny, I'm confident-" 
"Humble." 
"I'm humble. And obviously very pretty."
He hums to himself. "I kind of hate when you joke about stuff like that." 
You blink and drop your chin. "What?" you ask. Weaker than you mean to, your chest feels that heavy weight of an unexpected argument, but Eddie doesn't look angry. 
"Because- 'cos I know you don't mean it." He draws his eyes from the road, a familiar stretch of black top leading into Forest Hills, and gives you a well-meaning grimace. 
"Sorry, I-" 
He clears his throat. "No, don't be. I guess I wished you actually believed that shit. Do you know how many people would come to all of my shows? Listen to the same ten songs, drink the same shitty beer and then help me pack up at the end of the night?" He sounds back to normal. Punchy, a hair's width from incensed. "Nobody but you." 
"I'm your best friend," you say firmly. "Of course I'm gonna do all that." 
"Right." He laughs and scrapes a hand through his dishevelled hair. 
You pull into the parking spot and climb out of the van. You slip like you always do, giggling to yourself as Eddie comes around to roll his eyes at you and shut the door. 
"We'll leave it for tonight," he says after he's retrieved Sweetheart, his prized guitar, traipsing up the steps to the front door. "Don't want you straining your poor wrist any further." 
You kind of agree. "Or you could do it all by yourself and I'll watch." 
"Maybe tomorrow. Are you hungry?" 
You ignore his question and waltz straight into his bedroom, throwing yourself down on his rumpled sheets with a harrumph. He puts Sweetheart back into her rightful place and presses a kiss to his fingers. You can't help thinking of the kiss he'd given you, bringing your wrist to your chest where he can't see. It feels the same as it had before, but different. It still aches. 
Eddie throws himself down next to you and climbs up over your back, a hand on your shoulder. "Is it still hurting?" 
You squeeze it. "Not really." 
"Let me see? If it's swollen I could get you some ice. Or, like, a bag of frozen peas. Not that I think we'd have anything that green in the freezer," he corrects himself.
"I don't think they have to be peas to work." 
"What if that's where you're wrong? What if we totally need the power of the peas?" 
You turn on your back so he can see your wrist. Hovering above you, all his smells and sounds are amplified. The gentle hum as he looks over your arm. The smell of sweat under deodorant, cigarette smoke and something funkier. Then, mixed in with everything, cedar. 
When his kind attention on your wrist becomes too much you wrinkle your nose and make a big show of moving away from him. "God, you stink." 
"You're fucking horrible," he says, putting your arm down carefully. "I'm gonna shower. Find your pajamas." 
"Did you wash them?" you ask as he climbs off of the bed. 
"Nope." 
You grumble about dirty clothes and search for the pajamas you'd left here last time. Eddie disappears into the cramped bathroom and you can hear every sound he makes, the clipping of bottle caps, even his footsteps moving from the cabinet under the sink and into the shower. 
Water sloughs heavily against the glass partition and you try not to listen, try not to think about him and what he's doing and where his hands are. 
When he comes in he's in a towel and nothing else. You squeak and pull his covers up past your eyes. "Christ, Eds." 
"What? It's my room. I forgot to take clothes in with me." 
"You're sullying my eyes." 
"Like you've never seen it before." 
You scowl. "I've never seen you naked." 
"Can you come out? You're being ridiculous." 
You hear him go into the bathroom and let the sheets fall from your face, blinking at the sudden brightness. Yellow lamp light bounces of the poster-covered walls, shiny as egg yolk. 
He's left the bathroom door open. You peer out into the hallway and then stop yourself, feeling guilty. You don't actually want to see him naked. You're curious. 
"Fine," he says as he trudges back in, plaid pants low on his hips. He shrugs into a t-shirt and it sticks to his damp torso, leaving his dark happy trail on show for the second time tonight. "You've never seen me naked. It's not like you've never seen any guy naked." 
You feel a tepid mixture of embarrassment and defensiveness. "Who says I've seen a guy naked?" 
His eyes are owlishly large, dark lashes not far from kissing his eyebrows as they pinch together. "What?" 
You don't repeat yourself. 
"You fucked Jerry Mandoza." 
"Did not," you say, startled. 
"I gave you condoms." 
You resist the urge to glare at him. "And you can have them back, if you like. They've been in my nightstand for a year." 
"I thought you liked him." 
"I did. I just wasn't… ready." 
He holds his hands up in surrender. "That's fine, babe. Swear. But, you never told me. Why didn't you tell me?" 
He sits heavily at the end of the bed and takes the towel from around his neck, scrubbing ruthlessly at his wet curls. 
"That's exactly why your hair gets so frizzy," you chide lightly, climbing on knees to his side. You ease the towel from his hands and are much kinder than he'd been, drying the skin before his hairline and behind his ears and then moving onto his pretty curls. 
"He didn't do anything creepy, did he?" Eddie asks. He smells like toothpaste. 
You laugh as you wring excess water from his hair as carefully as you can. "No. He was actually really sweet. Said all the right things. He was a gentleman," you drawl  dropping the towel back to his shoulders. 
"But?" 
You sit back and smile at him. "I don't know. He leaned in for a kiss and I just… I got so nervous about it. He closed his eyes and I didn't think, I turned my cheek. He didn't call me for another date. Can't say I blame him." 
You're not sure why you never told Eddie that story before. He tilts his head to one side and squints. "Why were you nervous? He was in marching band." 
You snort. "It wasn't about him. I guess I was worried my first kiss would be awful." 
He rubs the back of his neck with his towel. "First kiss, huh?" he asks. 
"Right." 
He pulls the towel away, holds it in his lap. You notice his rings are missing, likely still in the bathroom. "I mean, I think you did the right thing. If you weren't ready it can't hurt to wait. And first kisses, they can really suck. Mine, with fucking- fucking Darren Harmon, that sucked. He spit in my mouth so much I think I tasted his dinner from the night before." 
You laugh in shock and disgust. "That's gross." 
"Tell me about it." 
"Why did he spit?" 
Eddie brings his legs up onto the bed and his tone is gentle. "Well, when you kiss someone, there's like-" He raises his hands and drops them, lost for the right words. "You know, tongue." 
"Is it weird?" 
"Sure. Of course it is. But it's really fucking fun, too. Or it can be, if the spit is kept to a minimum." He purses his lips, eyebrows raised. "Actually, spit can be kinda nice if you like the person you're kissing. It's hard to explain." 
You spread your legs to fall into a W-shape, hands braced on your knees. "Sorry, I'm not trying to harass you for details." 
"You're my best friend. I'll tell you anything you want." 
You smile at your legs. 
Eddie reaches over to put his hand atop yours. He's leaning toward you, hair falling in his face as he catches your eye. "It's fine. Keep your first kiss for someone you actually like, babe. You'll like it better." 
He squeezes your fingers and leaves the room. You can hear him filling a glass of water and turning off all the lights he's left on. 
"Did you want anything else?" he asks, offering the glass. 
"No, I'm just gonna brush my teeth really quick."
"Take your time." 
You take a little bit more than you need to, staring at yourself in the bathroom mirror until your heart is pounding, thoughts coming a thousand a second. Lately, Eddie's touches – his hand around your wrist, his thigh over your thigh, even the thud of his rubber toed converse tapping yours – have become individual events in time. Even when you can't remember the conversation, you can remember his skin on yours. You look at photos from gigs and instead of thinking, Oh, that's the night we made fun of Gareth's new haircut, a truly momentous occasion, you think, That's the night Eddie tugged me by the belt loop. That's when he brushed an eyelash off of my cheek. That's when he leaned in so close I thought he was gonna kiss me. 
Even now, the conversation about kisses is fading though you desperately want to remember what he'd said. The sound of his voice slips away. The heat of his fingers curled around yours remains. 
You wash your hands twice and don't feel any better. 
As if destiny or some higher power feels the need to taunt you, you slide into bed with an amicable handful of inches between your thigh and Eddie's and he totally ignores the gap, sidling up to you with a smile. 
"You'll like this," he says, spreading the paperback in his hands open on your thigh. "'A pockmark of matter that can dissolve any light that threatens to eradicate, to nullify, to quantify. An indelible darkness, spreading from one universe to the other, the pristine pages of a tome sullied by a piercing fountain of ink,'" he reads to you, his voice smooth and unhurried. "Guess what she's talking about?" 
"Dark matter?" 
"What? Keep your astronomy to yourself, dork. She's talking about the Puppet's heart. How sick is that?" 
You grin. It is pretty sick. 
Eddie's smile grows with yours, though his lips part when he notices something on your face. "You have-" He brings his thumb to your mouth and brushes it roughly, tugging the soft pillow of your upper lip up. 
You turn your face. "Jeez. Keep your hands to yourself, Munson." 
"Sorry," he says, not sounding very sorry. 
"You wanna read some more of your book to me?" you ask. "My eyes are tired." 
You lay down flat with one of his pillows smushed under your head and Eddie reads, sitting with his back to the headboard. "'You turn the page and find the ink has eaten into the next page, and the next. The damage is expansive, Dolly says, lifting her chin. But not limitless. Eventually, a page will turn. Eventually, the page beneath remains plain.'" 
"I thought Dolly and the Puppet loved each other," you murmur, watching his finger slide up the back of the book. 
He gives you a knowing smile. "They did." 
"Not anymore?" 
"I don't know. He's not the same anymore. He really is evil," Eddie says. "'The Puppet becomes a man of flesh and bone before her, nothing like she had remembered and yet the same. His voice, slick as oil, becomes a malfeasance of sound where before it had been her most treasured melody. And if the tome were sullied to begin with? The Puppet asks. If the darkness subsisted where I only lay my hand?" 
"They speak in riddles," you complain. 
Eddie shushes you. "'Don't act as though you didn't bring about this war, Dolly says, her voice harsh as tree bark. The Puppet draws ever closer, his wicked grin softened. A puppet once more. I did it for you, he says.'" 
You gasp so loudly it makes your throat burn. "He did not!" you whisper-shout.
Eddie chuckles, hand dropping to your shoulder. "He didn't." 
"Keep reading!" 
"'Dolly refuses to acknowledge his pleading tenor. You did not, she shouts. You created this conflict to become what you wanted to become.
"'Someone you could love. The Puppet places a frozen hand over her cheek. She hits at his chest with the brunt of her palms, hands growing limp as he murmurs. Someone you could kiss.'" 
You miss the rest of his reading, eyes slamming shut as if you'd been stuck. You catch small parts. An attempted reunion, a sword tipped in biting silver from the coldest recess of the moon. A short fight, a retreat. 
"Are you sleeping?" Eddie whispers. 
You swallow. "Almost," you whisper back. 
Eddie tosses the paperback onto his desk and pulls the covers over your shoulders and curls toward you. "You should get some rest, sweetheart. It's been a long day."
You nod and turn to him, refusing to open your eyes. "Goodnight," you say, rubbing your cheek against the brushed cotton of his pillowcase. 
"Goodnight."
Long minutes of silence. You can feel his warmth beside you like a heating pad under the sheets. You know his hand lies an inch away, if that, his fingers lax. You could stroke the length of his pinky with yours. 
As if he knows, as if he can read your mind, a fingertip reaches out to tap yours. "Are you okay?" he asks. 
You open one tired eye and lift your face enough to open the other. He looks beautiful. Hair half-dried and flat to his cheek. You reach out to push it from his face slowly. If you were any braver you'd tuck it behind his ear, scratch his scalp lightly with your nails. 
"Is it your arm?" he asks. 
You drop your hand. "'M just thinking." 
"I can't help with that," he jokes, turning his gaze to the ceiling. 
You laugh under your breath but even to yourself it sounds odd. 
"Do you think you'd ever kiss me?" you utter eventually. 
He doesn't answer for a while. Your heart races fast enough that it's all you can hear, like the wind rushing in your ears. 
"Is that what you want?" 
"I want my first kiss to be a good one." 
"And you think it would be, with me?" 
"You said to keep it for someone I actually like." 
He takes your wrist into a kind hand. Calluses slide over your skin. "I meant someone you have the hots for, babe."
Dangerous territory. Wary to admit anything else, you try to take his rejection with grace. "It's okay if you don't want to. Was just… wondering," you murmur. 
He strokes your wrist. "I'll kiss you if you want me to." 
"No, I-" You laugh, all nerves and too much blood. "I don't want a pity kiss, Eddie." 
"Who said anything about pity?" he says, voice quiet as yours had been and harbouring much less panic. 
He pulls your arm like he's encouraging you toward him and you hiss. His grip slackens. "Sorry, I should've-" 
"It aches, that's all," you say.
Understanding lightens his eyes. Honey melting into a woody brown. "Shit," he mutters, lowering his head. "I'm sorry." He presses his lips to your wrist in a small kiss. "If it's hurting you should've said."
The words come out hot. 
"It…" you drift off as he gives you another kiss. Another. 
Close-lipped, Eddie dots pecks down your arm until he reaches the crook of your elbow. He slows and stays. You take the initiative and drop your hand into his hair, stroking behind his ear like you wanted to, like you've wanted to for a while, and shiver as the tip of his nose ghosts against sensitive skin. 
He draws away, pulls up, his face much closer than you can remember it ever having been before. You try to breathe normally but the look on his face prompts breathlessness, his eyes steady, bordering impassive. His lips hint a soft bemusement. 
He raises his chin. "This okay?" 
"This," you repeat, fingers curling into his hair. 
Eddie moves in, bringing a hand to your face to guide you to one side. His lips bump into yours and you let your eyes close, overwhelmed by this new feeling. There's a tenderness to how he holds you still, worse when he pulls you in, his kiss hot and soft as water. 
He slides his fingertips under your sleeve, palm hot to the breadth of your upper arm. His grip tightens incrementally and you try not to pull his hair in response, your knee hitting his thighs as your body seeks him out. 
His lips part against yours and you both suck in a breath before he's kissing again. You try your best to follow his lead, though quickly find yourself a laughing mess as he wraps his arm around your shoulder to pull you close. 
"What's funny?" he asks. 
You honestly don't know. It's a giddy feeling to be this close, more so when he smiles back and tries to start up another round of sweet kisses, his lips pressing to yours insistently. He caresses the length of your back until you sigh, your open mouth an invitation that he sinks into. 
You scrunch the hem of his shirt in your hand when he sucks on your top lip, nonplussed.
Eddie pulls away. Your eyes open in tandem. 
You're noticeably out of breath and he isn't unaffected, his chest rising and falling almost as quickly as yours. "So," he says, inhale a struggle though he tries to hide it, "how was that? A good one?" 
"I don't know. I don't have anything to compare it to." 
"No?" he asks, already leaning in for another. 
You weave your hand into his hair and he rubs his hand down your arm until your aching wrist throbs under his fingertips, callused by metal strings and somehow impossibly soft.
"I'm sorry about your arm," he murmurs. 
You hope your hum against his lips conveys your forgiveness. 
When you've been kissed to the point of dizziness you break it to hide in the space under his chin, breathing in his new smells, his skin, his hair. The remnants of soap; a sharp citrus, mandora awash in something heady.
He pushes his arm under your chest and wraps you up. You hug him back, languid in his hold as he starts to rub your back. Broad, sweeping lines. Your shirt pulls up and he smooths it back down. 
"Don't get ahead of yourself," you joke lightly, quickly chased by a big yawn. 
"If you're tired, you can sleep," he assures you. 
"It was a good kiss." 
"Tell me all about it in the morning, okay? Sleep, pretty girl." 
You're feeling more and more tired with each passing second. Fatigue hangs heavy and his wandering hands make it worse. 
"'Nother kiss in the morning?" you ask, burrowing your face into his shoulder. 
He takes a little while to answer, turning his lips down into your temple. "Y'always get what you want, don't you?" 
With Eddie? Just about. 
𓆩❤︎𓆪
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hobiebrownbrowser · 11 months
Text
Constant Arguments
I know there is a lot of angst like this going on but for some odd reason it just feels right to make. I feel as if 42 Miles won't be as affectionate then others make him appear to be. NO HATE ON THEM. I love reading them.
I feel like he'll still have a somewhat cold demeanor. I haven't seen many where Y/N doesn't really care that Miles is The Prowler. Just needing him by her side more than anything was a blessing in her honor.
Earth 42 Miles Morales x FEM!Reader
Context: Angst, fluff, sadness, Mild cussing, happy ending
Translations: 'blame google if they aren't correct' 💀
"¿Por qué no puedes decírmelo? = "Why can't you tell me?"
Necesitamos hablar mami. = We need to talk mommy.
"Quítate de mi camino Miles." = Get out of my way Miles.
summary: Y/N doesn't give a shit if Miles is The Prowler.
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"¿Por qué no puedes decírmelo? You avoid my calls, my texts, everytime I try to talk to you! You act like I'm not even 'ere!" It felt like a train hit her when Miles didn't respond, Breaking the eye contact they held for so long. Y/N just rolled her eyes, fed up with a relationship that clearly wasn't working.
"When you wanna talk, hit me up Hombre, other than that you can leave." Y/N shook her head, grabbing her book bag off the floor and walking towards their shared room.
She was acting like this because he wanted to disappear for more than a whole ass week. Ignoring her, leaving his own girlfriend on read when she was worried sick for him. Only think he had to say was "he was busy." Apparently it was more important than she'll ever be.
Slamming the door once she got inside just to feel tears swell in her eyes. Everything was frustrating her, constant arguments, school. The girl was overstimulated to say the least. Her back pushed up against the wall as she attempts to calm herself down with shallow deep breaths.
It felt like everything she worked for was against her. The man she loves not giving her the care she needs to pull through with all of this shit. Her family pressuring her to do a good job in school.
She just wanted to settle down on a peaceful path, but that seemed to redeem to much in her life. Having to work two jobs day and night was a struggle and Miles knew that. Yet he still did what he said he wasn't going to do.
Leaving her when she was the most vulnerable. She felt as if she wasn't valuable in his life at all. Wanting to cut off the one thing that used to make her life better.
But oh how she loves Miles. At the same time she wanted to apologize, pull him in a strong embrace. But she knew in the end he'd do the same thing. Disappear on her for decades on end.
The last string she held onto snapping just from his cold words. The silence was preposterous yet it kept her in a safe haven, able to run away from her problems just like now.
Taking a few more deep breaths and finally getting up off the dirty floor. She needed something to occupy her mind with, scrolling through her phone just to look at good memories.
She needed to wind down, Wanting to just drop out of school and cut off anyone she thought she knew well. She needed to breathe in this already suffocating air. The man on the other side probably long gone and out the door.
She was right, his figure not on the couch any longer than it should be. She wiped her face before stepping out. Going into the kitchen and grabbing a tub of ice cream before heading back into her confined space.
"Princesa." She cursed under her breath. Hearing his soft genuine sweet voice call her by her nickname. The real question was why was he still here. Turning around to be met with dead eyes. It was funny. They'd been together for a year, yet he looks at her the same way he looked at others.
She simply ignored him. Grabbing a spoon from a drawer and trying to push past the firm man.
"quítate de mi camino Miles." He didn't budge, doing the complete opposite infact. Blocking the exit with his body, She threatened to climb over the table if he didn't.
"Necesitamos hablar mami." He simply just tilted his head, A serious look plastered on his face.
"Oh now you wanna talk, ain't your job more important than me?" She got him right there. Miles eyes avoiding her's before looking back up, his chest withhelding big sigh. He wasn't gonna lie because he knew it was. She wasn't in his shoes. She wasn't constantly having to kill people for money.
No. He wanted her to sit still and be the most cherishing thing he had left besides his madre and his uncle. He was in a stressful predicament. How the hell was he supposed to tell his future wife that he was 'The Prowler'?
Miles was stomped, Looking the love of his life in her eyes before wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. The look of confusion on her face as he told her.
Miles watched as she rubbed her temples, her eyes narrowing down to nothing but disappointment. It all made sense now. Why she'd wake up to an empty bed in the middle of the night. The window sometimes left open on countless nights.
He'd even shown her the exact suit he'd killed in, leading her to a small hidden room she didn't even know they had in the first place. She poked her head in which Miles found a bit cute, Taking it out and putting it on like it was nothing but clothing.
You let out a deep sigh before saying what was on your own mind.
"Miles I don't give a shit that you're The Prowler. I just wanted you to tell me." A sigh of relief left Mile's throat. Apologizing to his chica before pulling her into a tight hug and kissing her soft plump lips.
"I'm sorry for not tellin' you sooner Hermosa."
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Part 2 here 💜
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mrsnancywheeler · 3 months
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the river (4) // finnick odair x f. reader
summary: the Capitol has taken you away from Finnick, the life you've been trying to build together and now he has to fight to get every part of you back
previous chapter/next chapter
masterlist
4.8k words
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warnings: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, talks of trafficking and abuse related to it, aftermath of breakups, mentions of torture, self destructive behavior, mental illness, unedited, no use of y/n, underage drinking, paranoia
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
“I'm hurting you, real or not real." It's been days of this, of Finnick trying to bring you back to him. Half the time you were fine, you'd try to go over the past with him, joke, and open up, so he'd do the same. He had to be so careful though, it wasn't clear what exact things would set it off, but you'd get so paranoid about him and the doctors. Occasionally they'd be able to calmly bring you back, ground you back into the firmness of reality. The other times you'd devolve completely, screaming, crying, hysterical, and Finnick would have to step away as you'd get worse when he was close by. It was an exhausting, never-ending cycle, but it was worth trying to get you back.
Today you'd let his chair be by your bed, but now he was scared he'd be forced to retreat. He had to be careful, if he lied you might be able to see it in his face and be convinced he was lying about other things, or he could tell the truth and risk the spiral of guilt. “Real." He knotted his rope, staring down at it for a second.
“I'm sorry, I don't mean to or want to. I'm really sorry." You're crying and he's thinking, oh shit, so early in the morning and now a whole day of what could've been progress will be lost.
He stared at you, trying to portray as much genuine feeling as possible, “I know that, angel, I don't blame you. I could never blame you and have never blamed you." It hurt to be so close yet so far away, he could reach out and touch you, but he knew better. Not like you always told him when you did want him to hold you though, some days you communicated well, but others it was like you forgot that he needed explicit permission to come close. You'd get grumpy when he couldn't just tell you wanted him closer and do as much. Truthfully it was adorable, and it reminded him of the past, but that also made his heart ache. He couldn't just make an inference anymore on the off chance it sent you into a frenzy, so he'd have to sit by and wait.
“You should, I'm so fucked in the head, and you deserve better."
“Well I'm pretty fucked in the head too, sweet girl, and there is no one better." You were hiccuping on your sobs, this could go badly so quickly. “Hey, it's okay, we're okay, why don't you take some deep breaths with me, angel? Look at me, just follow what I do, deep breath in, deep breath out." He urged you to look at him and you did, trying to follow along through the tears until finally you were somewhat calmed down.
“I'm sorry." You sniffled, wiping away stray tears.
“It's okay, sweet girl, we're gonna have a good day today, right?" The last couple had been rough, so strenuous for the both of you. You nodded slowly, “Maybe they'll let us take a walk or eat lunch with everyone else. Would you like that?”
"I don't know.” Your knees curled up into your chest.
"That's okay, we don't have to take that step yet if you don't want to. We can just talk or sleep or I can teach you some knots, and whatever else we can think of.” You shrugged and he had to realize that it could be a good day, but it probably wasn't going to be an easy one. With you in one of your difficult moods that he'd be left to handle. You'd say no even if you wanted something, silently expect him to come to the conclusion himself, and if it had been before the Capitol dug their talons in it would've been fine. He would've teased you about it before giving into your quiet plea for attention and he would've relished it because it meant you wanted comfort instead of only comforting him. Now though he didn't know what you were thinking, he had assumptions but the risk of being wrong was too great. “We have to use our words, angel, and if that's too hard you can write it down."
You said nothing and laid your head down on your knees, shaking it. Finnick shifted in his seat, rubbing his head, he didn't want to be annoyed with you, but it had been bad day after bad just to lead to this. He was exhausted and hated Snow for making him work so hard just to have you back again. “Please, don't be mad at me.” Your voice was so broken and so soft that he regretted even showing any form of annoyance.
"Angel, I'm not mad at you. I just can't help you unless you tell me what you want or need.” You ever so quietly let out a small huff as you laid down instead, staring at the ceiling. At least you weren't screaming until you needed to be sedated, you were just having a hard time communicating your needs. Finnick was sure all you wanted was to be held, in the past that's what it usually had been. “Is this making you feel embarrassed, honey?" Sometimes the switch between trying to push down your own needs for solace had left you like this, difficult to feel like you deserved to be consoled. Now though, he reasoned, it was because you felt like such a burden.
"I don't know what's going on in my head and everything is so conflicting. I just want to be me again so I know what I want, and you know, and I don't know it's too much. And I want to say things, but I can't because I just want people to see me as I was and know." His poor, sweet girl having to fight all the inner turmoil. You felt different, but you weren't. You were just struggling and wanted things to be the same as they had before, he knew that, but he also knew that they couldn't be until there were less breakdowns, less paranoia.
He had to suck it up and just give what he was so sure it was at the risk of another breakdown if he got closer, but the alternative was a different type of breakdown. “Do you want me to lay with you again?” You played with your fingers and nodded, so he slipped in beside you. He knew there was more from the way you looked at him and hoped he wasn't pushing boundaries, that he was right. "Angel, do you want to be held?” You finally smiled just a little bit when you nodded, grateful, and he smiled back,"Come here, sweet girl.” The moment his arms were around you your head snuggled into his chest, it felt perfect, the way you two were meant to be.
"Don't let me go."
“Wouldn't dream of it." He hadn't touched you in so long it was like heaven in his arms again. “You ready to talk now, sweet girl? Wanna tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"
"I'm sorry I'm so difficult for everyone, I don't know what going on in my head half the time anymore.” Your voice vibrated through his chest and it was so comforting to him.
“You're just trying to get better, it's okay. And you can ask me, angel, you don't have to sit with it in your head and let it eat you up. You can just ask me if it's real.” His fingers traced circles on your shoulder, you were so cold all the time, it made him feel less hot and stuffy
“I'm safe, real or not real?"
“Real." Safe from the arena, the Capitol, the only thing you weren't safe from was yourself.
“Okay." You snuggled yourself further into him, like you trying to let yourself believe it. “When I was in the Capitol…” Finnick's ears perked up,"I'd try so hard to keep myself in reality, and I'd think about that time we took that tiny, crickety rowboat out and you said it would be romantic. So you packed up your fishing rod and we'd been out for a couple of hours when it was probably time to row back. So I said I'd take one of the oars-”
"Because you insisted I deserved to rest since it was so hot and I'd rowed us out, which I wasn't, but you gave me that cute little pout so I let you have one.” Of course he remembered this, even if three years ago felt like an eternity.
"You were tired!”
"That's subjective.” You scoffed, but he could hear you smiling.
“Anyways, right after you give me the oar you started kissing me-"
“You just look so cute when you pout like that and you were shining in the sun, like an angel, I had to."
"But you distracted me and I got so caught up in it because you were being an ass, started leaning me down.” He does remember his diabolical plan when you were sitting down sweetly on that little row boat, trying to help him, he just wanted to lay you right down and show you how appreciative he was.
"And you dropped the oar, sweet girl, wasn't my fault.”
"Yes, it was, you distracted me and then you tilted your body when you heard the splash to see what happened and so I did the same. Which made the boat tip over and left us both in the water.”
“And you just started laughing, I couldn't even be worried about you because your sweet little laugh was the first thing I heard. I just swam right over and had you in my arms, started laughing with you, and the only way I could get you to stop was by kissing you.”
"And then you wouldn't let me help you get the oars and row boat back up.”
"You're so pretty, sweet girl, would rather watch you while I'm on task, we saw what happened when that doesn't happen.”
"That was your fault!” You exclaimed, he could feel your smile on his chest.
“Maybe, but it was worth it.”
You hummed in response, one of your hands playing with the fabric of his own medical gown. "And then you insisted I had to get on first and I didn't know how you did it but somehow you got me in the row boat again before climbing back in, without it tipping over, it almost did, but not completely. And it was so hot that it was drying us off completely when you rowed us back with that beautiful, goofy smile on your face the whole time.”
“Couldn't help myself, you're so beautiful, love to look at you, angel."
“And only after we got to shore and you were insisting on carrying the whole boat by yourself did I notice I'd lost one of my sandals." You let out a small laugh into his chest that made his own smile brighten. “So you told me it was another reason I couldn't carry the boat even though it didn't bother me. We'd lost all the fish so we just ate grapes and giggled as you tried to figure something else out."
“I sat you on the counter and you just smiled like you were the sun, so I'd sneak kisses in while I worked. We decorated that rowboat together, do you remember?"
You nodded into his chest, eyebrows scrunched together. “With flowers and seashells?"
“Yeah, good job! Flowers, seashells, fish, the ocean waves, our handprints, and I carved our initials into it too."
Your voice become somehow even softer, “So when I was in the Capitol I'd think about how refreshing the water felt when the sun was beating down on us, how it felt and tasted when you kissed me, how you held me, the sound of you laugh, how special you made me feel by taking care of me. I'd think about that day to try and stop me from slipping away, for a while it worked."
You never ceased breaking his heart and making him fall deeper in love with you. "Well you're still here with me, haven't really slipped away from me.”
"I feel like I have, that I've slipped away from even knowing myself.” You admitted, voice croaky.
“You've just fallen and we're helping you back up, angel, I'm putting you back in the boat. Maybe it'll rock, but I promise you, it won't tip again."
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
His life was hell with you gone because now there was nothing but the ever present loneliness to return too. There wasn't a day that seemed to pass where he didn't think of you in some way. Sometimes it was how much he missed you, others it was fantasies of still being together, and the worst ones were when he'd imagine your life without him. It was terrible when the breakup had begun and he had his first party because everybody had been drawn to you.
“Where is she, is she not feeling well because I can stop by."
"You can't have let that one go, Odair, she was perfect for you.”
"Finnick, she was my drinking buddy!" People admonished him left and right when it was finally revealed that he'd dumped you. Although he was pretty sure people were more upset about the lack of your magnetic presence.
Initially he tried to play it off like his Capitol persona would have, you were just one of many girls lined up for him, and the committal part had scared him off, and you were so clingy. The rumor mill caught it and so many girls were ready to be next. He felt like he was betraying you every time he sent a flirty smirk back to whatever they said to draw him in. So he gave up the persona, he'd rather be mournful and drink away the problems each night.
Then he'd heard that Tallulah still saw you, she'd grab a bottle or two and sneak out to tap on your window. That way she still had someone to take care of her afterwards and she trusted you with the role. “Lulah please tell me what she says, I don't care what about, just anything. I'm begging you." Finnick was tipsy and felt like he was going to cry, but Tallulah pursed her lips.
“Finnick, I don't think that's a good idea.” She took another sip of her drink.
"I'll do whatever you want, please. I'm not asking you to pass messages or anything.” She must have taken pity on him and his tears when she agreed. So he soaked up anything you'd said the next time he saw Tallulah.
“I don't think you want to know."
“I do, I don't care what it is."
“Finnick, if you're already this beat up about it, I'm not sure telling you what she said will help.”
“That's okay, I deserve to feel bad about it."
Tallulah sighed, " People talk Finnick, so the things you'd said about her kind of, you know, got back to her.”
Finnick looked up as if it would stop the tears from falling,"No, no, no, no I didn't mean that. She has to know I didn't mean that.”
"But you said it.” Tallulah shrugged. "She kept asking if I thought she was too clingy or overbearing, sometimes she'd ask if you had someone else and then decided she didn't want to know.”
"No, never.” He said quickly and hated himself for leaving his sweet girl only to cause her even more pain from afar.
“If you're gonna leave a girl, you have to leave her, Finnick. Or you're both gonna spend your whole lives wishing for things when you could just move on. I'm not gonna do this again, just let her have Conway. It's always been them.”
"I know, that's okay.” But it wasn't because Finnick Odair was like a moth to a flame. Any time he could see or hear about you he would. He remembered when nearly a year later you'd started dating Beckett, the same goddamn Beckett that had drawn Finnick to you in the first place. He'd been jealous for a myriad of reasons he had no right to. At least it wasn't Conway, at least if you stuck with Beckett it was a different ending then the expected, the obvious route.
But god, did Finnick hate him. Because he represented you trying to move on, that Finnick didn't have a future with you, and worst of all that other people found you just as intriguing as he did. So when he'd walk the market in circles just to see Beckett shamelessly flirting with you and in your way, you'd flirt back. Maybe he was vain, but Finnick liked to imagine that you did it so he'd be jealous and take you back, even if that could never happen. Beckett had to know it affected Finnick too, who only maintained terse conversation or made jabbing comments towards the other boy.
Until finally whatever excitement you got from it burnt out and you told Beckett it wouldn't work. Leaving Finnick to wonder if it was wrong that he hoped it was because you realized you could never love someone as much as you loved him. It was probably fucked to want, but he needed to know so desperately that you were as longing for him as he was for you. His life condemned him to longing glances and whispers of your name over the ocean waves, but at least you would be safe. Maybe he'd find you in another lifetime, right person, wrong time. Then you could be safe and happy.
Instead he realized the universe didn't expect either of your lives to be ones of just the parted lovers, whatever he'd done in a past life, was coming back for blood. He should've known Snow would realize Finnick thought of you with every breath he took, that he still thought of your lips instead every time he was in the company of a customer, and that it would lead to more tragedy. Because when the fated reaping for the 69th Hunger Games began, it was your name sent into the labyrinth of death.
Any light left in his life had been aggressively ripped from him, it was as if everytime he thought he'd hit rock bottom the ground would crumble beneath him and the falling would resume. At least he knew you were smart, he was privy enough to the clockwork of you to know that you were terrified, but to anyone else you would've looked so calm and collected. Then you looked at him and he felt like the ground was breaking again, another thousand feet to fall. It was like you were sending him a love letter before you went off to certain death.
Tides were always changing, they could sweep you away or reveal the gorgeous curiosities of the waters, Finnick wasn't sure what it was when the second tribute's name was called. Conway. Why was he inescapable? If the stars destined you and Finnick to be tragic lovers, then Conway was always there to rock the boat. But through your eyes, glistening with tears, he sees the plan almost formed. Never has he been so grateful that his sweet girl could easily put on a brave face to handle anything, that you're used to using charisma as a way to fend for yourself, because that means success in the Capitol and you need that.
So although he wished your eyes had stayed on him, blessed him, instead they could do what he needed. Make you interesting enough for sponsors. He knew Conway deserved better, but how could he focus on him when you were right there? His sun, his moon, the stars in the sky, you were absolutely everything, so there was no time to think about what Conway deserved or didn't.
Finnick could easily craft your image to others. He was certain of it, he could sing your praises night and day, so it would be far from difficult to convince the Capitol that you were the model victor. If he had to grovel at the feet of every elite, let them damage his long gone sense of dignity, then it might be worth it for once. Your death would be the last piece of pressure on the dam before it burst open, he needed you to survive. If you won he could be with you. There wouldn't be any hiding because as a victor, Snow would already be finding ways to dig his talons into you. It was all worth it to be able to hold you again.
Finnick could watch every mechanical gear shift in your brain and fall into place. The way Conway loved you, which made Finnick seethe even if he'd always laughed it off like it didn't bother him in the slightest, was going to have to save your life. You'd hate yourself for it, but you'd hate yourself more if you didn't do everything you could do to be there for your family. The same family that you were convinced despised you, but you would spend every cent of victory money on doctors for your mother, or to make it so none of them had to worry about crabs ever again. Not as if that would be necessary, the influx of riches was so exorbitant no one really knew what to do with it once they'd helped those they loved and spoiled themselves sick. Regardless, if you had to step on Conway's head for them you would. Even if it meant the end of the friendship that had kept you afloat for years. Maybe you avoided home like the plague, but only after you'd worked to convince everyone you could sell out your booth. Finnick had always been in awe about how sweet little you could effortlessly piggyback on any information you had to make a sale, which was a largely successful method. If you won you'd have to focus your efforts on performing for all of Panem instead, but that wouldn't be an issue for you when your family would be safe.
Surely it didn't hurt that he was also on the other side of survival, maybe that was selfish for him to think about, but he hoped you knew he would take you back in a heartbeat. That every dream he'd ever shared with you, fantasy about your future, could be possible once you had that crown on your head. It would be full of trials and turbulent waters, but at least you could be together. So he watched as you forced your eyes to portray the gaze of a lover about to be ripped apart from her happy ending, the look you'd genuinely worn when he'd broken your heart. Conway seemed to know you well enough to understand that, but it gave Finnick pride to know he couldn't read you like a book, unlike him. At the end of the day that would be a good thing, at least Conway could die without his dreams of being loved by you being dismantled.
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
Finnick should've known better than to fall asleep once you had. But it felt so normal to have you asleep on his chest. He was no stranger to nightmares, his or your own, it had become a constant present in your lives. Usually he knew how to handle them, but now it was a completely different ballgame. When you woke up screaming you didn't want his comfort, you wanted him as far away as humanly possible. Hitting his chest as he unwrapped his arms as quickly as he could to dart out of the room as fast as he could while the doctors flooded in.
“Just let him kill me." You were sobbing, curled back into the ball where your knees were pulled to your chest as you cried into them. A doctor tried to touch you and you instantly pulled away, like you were a wounded dog. Your hand covered your ears as you rocked back forth, and back and forth. “I need to see Conway." You muttered and then so lightly under your breath, “Conway, Conway, Conway."
“Angel, he's not here right now." He'd never be here, but further upset could be avoided.
You nodded slowly, “I need to see Peeta." At least that was doable.
“Tomorrow, he's been doing better, we can take you to see Peeta tomorrow." A doctor assured, no one wanted to sedate you again unless they absolutely had to, so this was much better.
“Promise?"
“We'll do what we can." She smiled at you sympathetically.
You slowly uncurled yourself from your ball, “Okay."
“Are you feeling better?"
“Yeah, I'm sorry." Thank god, no king crisis. Just a moment that had now passed.
“You're okay, just had a bad dream. Perfectly understandable, do you need anything?" You shook your head and the medical staff slowly began filing out.
“Can I stay?" Finnick's fingers found the rope to focus on. You looked at him for a second, like you were deep in thought, before nodding. So he took his place in the chair, “Do you wanna talk about it?"
“You should just kill me now." The words ran out of your mouth and made his heart drop, “I know you want to and I wanted you too. I probably deserve the uncertainty of when it will happen, but I'm selfish and just need it to be over with."
He wasn't sure if his heart had ever hurt more, but it was always reaching new levels of pain. “I don't want to kill you and I'm not going to ever.”
"You should. Even I know I should die, it's not wrong to admit.” You blankly stared at the glass in front of you.
“You don't deserve to die, you've done nothing with that. You've suffered enough to make up for whatever it is you think you did.”
"No I haven't, this is the universe’s lead up to it. I hurt him, the only person who really cared about me since we were children, and I tore him into shreds. It has to come for me.”
“Look at me.” You kept staring at the glass. Finnick's words came out harsher than he expected them too, but maybe it would mean they finally got through your head. “Look at me!” Finally you did, looking so startled and confused. "This karmic retribution fantasy needs to stop. It's been six years. I'm not telling you to stop hurting or that the guilt will go away, but it doesn't mean you need to continue to suffer or deserve death.” He leaned forward in his chair, "You used Conway, so you deserve death? You spent six years being used by any Capitol elite willing to pay. Being horrifically abused in any way imaginable. You got sent back into the arena! There was only one year you had a victor and she came out of the arena known for being ‘crazy.’ They sent you back into the arena to die and you didn't expect to come out of it. The Capitol held you hostage and tortured you. Have you not given enough to make up for what you did as a teenager? Conway, after six years, would have said it was more than enough to make up for a few weeks of deception. Even if this led to his death, because no matter what, he cared about you. He was angry then, but I doubt that in whatever happens after we die he's holding that grudge after watching you suffer for so long because he loved you. You don't want someone you love to go through something like that.”
You were sobbing again and Finnick felt his own eyes brimming with tears. “I miss him."
“I know, angel. I know." He would never be able to fill the role that Conway had and he'd long accepted that. All he could do was assure you that when I came down to the bare bones of it all, Conway as he was, wouldn't have wanted you to suffer as much as you had for it. Whatever punishment it caused had been more than paid and he would've known that. He would've told you that if he could. He'd been so angry in the moment, but Finnick knew Conway still would have loved you despite the transgressions in his heart and life because that had been his way. All Finnick could do was hope you didn't find a way to see what Conway would really say, in the near future, because then he'd follow quickly behind.
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
thank you for reading, sorry this took so long, I've been very busy!! feedback, comment, likes, reblogs are all very appreciated. my ask box is always open and I loved answering them, requests are open and I've got some fics from them coming up after this. thank y'all so much for reading 💋
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firesnap · 3 months
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i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.
ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?
its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?
im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.
This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.
I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.
This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.
My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.
With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.
Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.
(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)
But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.
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savannahsdeath · 5 months
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A little req for you!! readers and katniss’s first kiss???
-💫
warnings: none, pure fluff 🫶 reader calls katniss "kat" two times because . yes . also this is v shitty but im tired and uhhhh
she came back from the games two days ago. the emotions are still boiling but you want to spend every second together. she won and you knew what it means - no one can take her away from you now.
you are on the meadow, sitting on the dew covered grass. a dark forest, in which katniss used to hunt, extends on your left. you can hear birds' songs echoing from there.
"i should have brought a blanket." you sigh as your dress uncovers your bare legs, letting the wet green strands tickle your thighs.
"it's okay." katniss chuckles and takes off her jacket. "stand up."
you do as you're told, your skirt waving from the sudden move. she stretches her cloth on the grass and motions for you to sit down on it.
"thank you." you smile and it's probably your first genuine smile since she got reaped. not counting the last two days, of course. you smiled a lot during them.
a minute of comfortable silence passes as you both watch the blue sky in front of you. the dark forest behind you doesn't matter, you only care about what's in front of you. just like in real life, you think. the past is the past. now is the time for the future.
"surprised?" katniss softly asks, as if she's scared to break the silence.
you knit your eyebrows together and tilt your head to look at her. "about what?"
she looks down. "about me coming back."
you can't tell if she's being serious or not, so you take a moment to think, before you burst out laughing. "you can't be serious! katniss, i knew you'll win."
"oh," she smiles, "you believed in me?"
"no, no..." you begin explaining. "i was just— sure. you're really good at playing with people's hearts - the capitol's, the districts', mine..."
"yours?" her eyes widen.
you shrug. "what happened between you and peeta-"
"nothing happened between me and peeta" she shakes her head. "we were just trying to survive."
"really?" you turn your whole body to her and she quickly follows your move.
"really." she giggles. "you thought... me and him...?"
"forget it." you wave your hand, a little embarrassed by your accusation.
no matter how much you didn't want to admit it, you always had a crush on katniss. they way she kept giving you mixed signals didn't help at all - in fact, it felt like your brain melted and she's stirring in your head, mixing your mind. what you thought you once knew stood with a big, question mark now.
and peeta, god, peeta. he was a good guy, you had to admit. funny, nice, smart, clever as hell. yet, you couldn't help but dislike him. hate would be too much, but you felt so, so jealous, you couldn't help but be skeptical. at first, you were sure he will betray her. you waited for this moment, as you knew she would end him with one arrow. but nothing happened. now...
now, sometimes you just wish he would actually end up being an asshole. so the whole panem wouldn't cheer nor applaud for their wedding.
your hair fall down your face. "i wish i was him" you think, snatching a strand of grass and nervously playing with it.
"you wish you would have to fight in the arena?" her eyebrows furrow, a look of pure confusion on her face. she leans in and tucks some of your hair behind your ear, revealing your features.
you realise you thought out loud and she heard your little wish. but at this point, it doesn't even bother you. she should know.
"no, kat." you throw the string away. "i wish we would have our moment."
you expected something bad to happen. maybe she'll think you took things too far and just... run away? she could stand up and leave you there at any moment. could you blame her? maybe she just loves peeta.
but she chuckles, and as you look up at her, she is smiling. you have no idea what's going on, though you can't help but smirk back as you see her so amused.
"what?" you giggle and your gaze drifts downwards.
"nothin', you're just—" she raises one of her arms and taps your chin, making you look back at her. at her lips, to be exact. she keeps herself sitting up by leaning on her free hand, until she moves this one too to cup your face. "we have our fifteen seconds of fame now."
the intensity of her voice makes your whole body tremble, all your emotions falling to the background, as everything that is in the foreground is just you and her. yet you can feel your confusion rise and you manage to huff out a quiet; "isn't it fifteen minutes?"
"well, can you hold your breath for fifteen minutes?" she whispers back.
before you can comprehend whatever she meant by that, you feel her lips press against yours. you instinctively whimper, but the sound get catched in the bridge of your tongues, inaudible to anyone but you two. the birds seem to stop singing, the crickets pause their ticking. she starts gently and carefully, as if to see if you won't pull away. you only bring her closer by her neck, what also forces a soft moan out of her.
eventually katniss breaks the kiss but doesn't pull away, so you can still feel and hear her breath. she closes her parted mouth to gulp before opening them again, while her body slowly moved where it was earlier, about half a meter distance from you.
"kat—" you trail after her, wanting to get more of the feeling.
she tsks and shakes her head. "fifteen seconds, remember?"
✧˖°
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you once said that the ZK do not allow the canonical Zuko to show real, sometimes ugly signs of trauma. can you write more about this? because that's what I always felt when I came across their terrible takes, but I couldn't express it.
Gladly! But first, I need to mention the sign of trauma that Zuko usually lacks - and that, for some reason, the fandom insists defines his character:
Fear
Don't get wrong, I'm not saying Zuko never experienced fear. We all saw that poor boy on his knees, crying, begging his father not to hurt him.
But in "Zuko Alone" we also see 10-year-old Zuko get bitter that only his younger sister was expected to show off her firebending skills, and deciding that he would go against his father and demonstrate his own skills to the Fire Lord - that despite the fact that he knew Azula was better at it than he was. Even when it goes wrong, he is upset, but doesn't look afraid of the consequences.
That same episode shows Azula mocking him for playing with knives despite not even being good at it, and even though the fandom insists she was his worst fear ever since he was a child, Zuko responds with a "Put an apple on your head and we'll see how good I am." That little guy has exactly zero chill.
Let's not forget why he was banished either: Despite being considered too young to be in that war meeting, Zuko demanded to be there, eventually got his way, and despite having been told not to say anything, the second he hears a general suggest using their own men as "fresh meat" to lure the enemy, Zuko speaks out against it. And at the start of the Agni Kai, he looked 100% ready to fight a grown ass man with battle experience - until he saw it was his father/Fire Lord.
Let's not forget his Agni Kai with Zhao, which was his idea and that he actually won - and before that, he openly calls Ozai a fool, to which Zhao points out that banishment clearly not teach Zuko to watch his mouth. Or the time he openly challenged Azula in Ba Sing Se and they only didn't fight then and there because Azula knew she'd have the advantage by using the Dai Li. Hell, at the start of that very season, after she tried to lure him to a trap, Zuko's first reaction is to charge at her, fire-daggers in hand. That boy is the definition of "Fuck around and find out."
He has also done things like choosing to save his uncle from earthbenders instead of chasing Aang, crossing a blockade and going into actual Fire Nation territory even though he legally is no longer allowed to do that, and helped rescue Aang from Zhao as the Blue Spirit. It shows us that Zuko doesn't have an issue with temporarely deviating from his mission because of something HE deems important even though his father doesn't, openly disregarding Ozai's orders, and even basically saying "My father will have the Avatar as a prisoner only if I'm the one to capture him"
And, of course, on the day of the eclipse, Zuko grabs his swords and directly threatens Ozai, telling that bastard to sit the fuck down, shut up, and listen to his list of reasons why he sucks as a parent, ruler and person.
Zuko is brave. Unbelievably so. He is fierce, proud, and impulsive to the point of getting himself in situations that he should have known would not go his way (like fighting a waterbender in the snow, in the full moon) because he is very much a "act first, think later" kind of guy. So the fandom's insistence that he is constantly paralyzed by fear is a gross over-simplification of how his trauma affects him.
We only see him genuinely afraid of Ozai twice. During the Agni Kai itself, and then again when he WANTS to speak out against his father's plan to burn the Earth Kingdom to the ground, but can't bring himself to because he remembers what happened last time he spoke out against that kind of horrible thing during a war meeting, at that very room. It took something THAT triggering to make him cower before a challenge.
However, fear wasn't the only reason why didn't speak out during that moment, and that takes us to the first "ugly" sign of trauma that the fandom as a whole likes to pretend Zuko wasn't repeatedly shown to experience:
"My father is right about me, actually"
Zuko doesn't think Ozai was wrong to disfigure and banish him. How could he? Nobody in that entire room stood up to at least try to support him, not even his uncle - who also once said "Why would your father have banished you if he didn't care about you?" because, surprise surprise, nobody in that family knows how to help someone through trauma because they're all dealing with their own shit. Even his crew, who WAS sympathetic to him after finding out how he got that scar, were still 100% willing to not only support Ozai, but risk their lives for him.
Zuko isn't just trying to heal from abuse, he is trying to heal from victim-blaming, and to go against YEARS of indoctrination that say the Fire Lord can do no wrong. That's part of why it was so difficult for Iroh and others to help him: Zuko didn't believe that he needed or deserved help.
And that is also one of his three major unhealthy coping mechanisms. Claiming that HE needs to prove himself to Ozai, that HE needs to make up for HIS mistakes, not the other way around.
It might seem strange that this could be a way to cope, but look at it this way: If it WAS his fault instead of Ozai's, then that means his dad is not an unfair, abusive piece of shit that is unbelievably cruel and impossible to please. Zuko just needs to accomplish this mission of capturing the Avatar and everything will be fine, they'll be a normal family again, and he won't have to be afraid of someone he thought he could trust.
It was like Iroh said: Things are never going to be the same ever agin, but the Avatar gives Zuko HOPE. And that hope that his abuser will one day have a change of heart and be a loving father to him again is both what allows Zuko not to give into despair - and what keeps him trapped in that awful situation.
Misplaced Anger
Another "unpleasant" sign of trauma that Zuko has is how he clearly has an anger problem. Sure, he's a moody teenager with a short fuse, but we see over and over again that he tends to blow things way out of proportion, and that when faced a fact or opinion he doesn't like, he is quick to lash out at someone with VERY cruel words (see him calling Iroh a lazy, shallow, jealous old man in "Avatar State", or calling him crazy and saying if he wasn't in prison, he'd be sleeping in a gutter in "The Headband").
Through the entire show, many people faced Zuko's wrath - Iroh, Aang and friends, his crew, Azula, innocent people of the Earth Kingdom, Mai, Ty Lee, that one rando that talked to Mai, and even Zuko himself.
The one person that usually escapes said wrath is, ironically, Ozai. In "Zuko Alone" he refuses to believe his father would ever be capable of harming him, in "Avatar State" he snaps at Iroh for doubting that Ozai really changed his mind about the whole banishment thing.
He is mad at Aang for being too difficult to capture, and at Zhao for stealing his one chance to come home. He never stops to question if it's fair that his father had him chase someone that was presumed dead, aka an impossible task, as the condition to bring him home. He also never addresses how he feels about the reason WHY said banishment happened until the Day Of Black Sun.
He is mad at Azula for lying to him and trying to take him home as a prisoner. He never gets mad at his father for not only wanting to lock him away forever because ZHAO screwed up at the North Pole, nor how messed up it was that he put Azula in charge of said mission.
For fuck's sake, in the day of the eclipse, we find out that Zuko legit believed his mother was DEAD - and the entire circumstance was shady as hell and put Ozai in a very bad light. Yet Zuko still wanted his love, still wanted to be a "worthy" son.
He HAS to direct his anger at other people, otherwise he'll realize that no, his father, the adult that was meant to care for him, is a complete monster.
Everytime Zuko lashes out at other people before confronting Ozai, he's basically acting like someone who is drowning and, in a panic, is trying to pull the nearest person under so he can try to breathe. It is one of the most accurate and honest representations of trauma and abuse, and it makes me SO mad when people erase it in their fics because "poor, innocent, helpless turtleduck that can do no wrong" makes Zuko look like less of a dick - and also completely strips him of his agency.
And that isn't even the thing that fans ignore the most. That "honor" goes to the simple fact that Zuko, as expected of a child raised to believe the Fire Lord can do no wrong, decided that Azula had the right idea and that the best way to avoid being a victim again was...
Copying His Abuser
Zuko has REPEATEDLY let his "inner Ozai" out through the show.
He is all manipulative by not letting the pirates know he was chasing the Avatar who was worth A LOT more than the scrowl they'd get as a reward for helping him, and by using Katara's necklace as a way to try and get her to say where Aang was.
He repeatedly steals stuff from innocent people (including some who helped him, like Song) because, in his own words "These people should just be giving stuff to us" - aka he's very much an entitled prince.
He betrays his uncle by joining Azula in Ba Sing Se, leading to Iroh being thrown in prison. He also doesn't give a shit when Katara says "I thought you had changed!" and he sends a freaking assassin after the Gaang. Even him refusing to tell Azula that there was a chance Aang could still be alive works both as a "Zuko doesn't trust Azula to not use that against him, and for good reason" and "Zuko did not even stop to think that, since Azula was the one who killed Aang, him coming back also puts HER in danger, because he's too focused on his own problems to notice anybody else's."
More importantly, he rejected a chance of a ceasefire with the Gaang three times (The Blue Spirit, The Chase, Crossroads of Destiny), much like Ozai refused his shot at ending the war in the finale before his battle with Aang, and not only did he challenge Zhao to an Agni Kai and seriously consider burning him, he also threatened one of his crewmen by saying he'd "teach him respect" - which we found out later that episode was what Ozai right before disfiguring poor Zuko.
For fuck's sake, Ozai was literally designed to look like an older Zuko. One without a scar, one that was never banished, one that never had to see first-hand all the death and suffering war brings and reflect on the role he plays in it.
Finally, we have the war meetings in "Nightmares And Daydreams", in which Zuko doesn't speak out against his father's completely inhumane plans to deal with the Earth Kingdom. When talking about it with Mai, he says "I was the perfect prince, the son my father wanted. But I wasn't me."
That is the turning point for Zuko for a reason. It's him finally being forced to acknowledge that, to become Ozai's ideal son, to earn his (conditional) love, to not be his victim he has to be just as bad as he is, just as cruel, just as unfair - and we see in Azula's breakdown how Zuko likely would have ended up if he accepted that path.
But he didn't, and that was not easy because even though it was the morally correct choice, it'd require him to sacrifice everything - his title as a prince, his right to be in the Fire Nation, his relationship with Mai, his (extremelly complicated, sometimes good, often awful) bond with Azula, the "easy" way to get literally anything he wanted at everyone else's expense, and, of course, accept that his father was never going to love him, was never going to change, and was never going to feel sorry for abusing him.
Erasing such a central conflict of his character for the sake of denying he ever did anything wrong is, ironically, removing one of Zuko's most noble character traits: his inability to just live with himself after doing something horrible. There's a reason he is in deep conflict even after getting everything he wanted after the fall of Ba Sing Se - he knows he doesn't deserve it after what he's done.
If you ignore his mistakes and the horrible consequences it had for other people, you also ignore Zuko's growth. This puts him more in the position of a good guy being held hostage by the evil villain, not of a troubled child that redeems himself as he matures.
No flaws, no mistakes, no growth, no arc.
Trauma Doesn't Just Go Away
This one is, by far, the bad trope regarding Zuko's trauma that Zutarians are the most guilt of: assuming that if he just gets enough comforting hugs (mainly from Katara), all of his inner turmoil will suddenly be healed. No more sadness, no more fear, no more of the ugly traits they never acknowledge in the first place. Just a happy, fully recovered Zuko.
But that's just not how these things work. Having the support of a loved one helps victims feel better, but it won't magically make everything okay. Trauma is a really difficult thing to handle. There's good days, bad days, relapses, bad habits that are difficult to move past from. And not only are there cases in which people take YEARS to recover, there are also cases in which they never fully heal, and instead just learn to live with that burden that is still very much present.
I understand the desire to show in fics and headcanons that Zuko will eventually be fully healed and happy, but the way Zutarians make Katara act as not just his girlfriend, but as basically his therapist that needs to find miracle solutions for every single one of his problems, comfort him whenever any minor inconvenience happens until he's gotten enough hugs to be magically okay doesn't just reveal how hypocritical they are, since they insist Kataang is about Katara being Aang's girlfriend/mom/baby-sitter, but also that they legit do not understand a damn thing about trauma and how it works.
Which takes me to:
How Mai Actually Did Right By Zuko
Poor, poor Mai. She gets blamed for "bring out the worst in Zuko", for not being "supportive", for being too cold and unemotional, for not "seeing the real him" - yet she's one of the characters that CONSISTENLY help put Zuko back on his track.
She offers him emotional support and lots of signs of affection over and over again - telling him not worry when they're arriving at the Fire Nation, pointing out she doesn't hate him when she says she's beautiful when she hates the world, explicitly saying she cares about him in The Beach, being incredibly sweet and loving to him during all of Nightmares and Daydreams, and then again in the finale by helping him get dressed up and acting all cute as they get back together.
But she also holds him accountable when he screws up. She doesn't let him use his difficult life as an excuse to be a jerk and calls him out when he's being unreasonable, or when she feels mistreated/like he's making a mistake (see The Beach and Boiling Rock Part 2).
But since the fandom loves to completely erase Zuko's mistakes AND to not let go of a stupid ship war, this completely changes the context, making Mai out to be this awful, bitchy girlfriend, when in reality, she did a great job handling Zuko - sometimes even better than the fan favorite and mentor figure Zuko had through most of his arc.
Uncle Iroh Fucked Up
Before all of you try to kill me, let me make one thing clear here: I love Uncle Iroh. He is one of the most awesome characters in the show, and I fully believe he was trying his best to help Zuko.
But he is still a human being that makes mistakes, and he was raised in the same dysfunctional family Zuko was, meaning he often had NO IDEA how to handle his deeply traumatized teenage nephew/son.
Him spending all of book 1 trying to help Zuko capture Aang so he could go back to living with the guy that disfigured him is already bad enough, but we also have the episode "Avatar State" in which Iroh asks "Why would your father banish you if he didn't care about you?"
Obviously he only did these things because he didn't want Zuko give into despair and depression - but he is still, at best, ignoring the issue, and at worst actively making excuses for Ozai's abuse of his own son. This backfires on him spectacularly, as Zuko sides with Azula over him both in the first and last episode of the season specifically because he believes that appeasing Ozai is the right thing to do, as he was only banished "for his own good."
But THE biggest mistake Iroh made when it came to helping Zuko was his refusal to accept that no, Zuko was never going to be happy by living a quiet, simple life in Ba Sing Se - even after Zuko explicitly said as much to his face.
Obviously, to some extent, Iroh HAS to make Zuko accept that he won't ever be able to come back home after Ozai literally ordered Azula to capture him, but he could have tried to find some kind of middle ground with Zuko, since being a waiter clearly wasn't making him happy.
"Oh, but what about how Zuko started acting after his metamorphosis? He was so happy about working on the tea-shop with his uncle, and that was supposed to reveal his true self!"
Yes, it was supposed to do that. But we saw how Zuko acted after actually dealing with his trauma and redeeming himself. He was obviously in a much healthier place, both mentally and spiritually, but he was still moody, still sarcastic, still as proud as ever, and even Iroh recognized that he was meant to be Fire Lord.
Zuko's arc has a lot to do with identity, with how he sees himself. At that point, the only thing he still had in life was his uncle - so he was acting like him, because there seemed to be no other role model, no other path. Seeing that weird, cheery, relaxed, always-seeing-the-good-side-of-things version of Zuko was honestly unnerving.
And Iroh thought that Zuko basically giving himself the Lake Laogai treatment was okay because he following in his footsteps, doing what helped IROH heal and change - he didn't realize it was never gonna be able to do the same for Zuko.
The very second Azula shows up, even when she's being hostile, Zuko drops the facade, because she's a reminder of both his old life and what he thought his future would be. And when she offers him "redemption" Iroh tried to advice Zuko against joining her by saying "The redemption she offers is not for you" (as in not for someone who is doing better and doesn't need to return to the Fire Nation) and "It's time for you to choose. It's time for you to choose good." How is it a choice if Iroh is explicitly saying which option Zuko cannot pick, essentially making the decision for him?
Iroh didn't just get the way to help Zuko wrong - he didn't realize his nephew didn't believe he needed help. They were not on the same page at all, and that contribuited to Zuko betraying him.
Though, thankfully, it ended up being for the best, as Zuko found his own way to redemption by himself.
Conclusion
This fandom as a whole tends to not understand Zuko at all and just eat up a bunch of fanon while pretending to be so intellectual, which I very much resent it for.
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n3ptoonz · 6 months
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How’d u think earth realm boys would react to their wife telling me there ready for kids 🎤
mk1 hcs: how the earthrealm guys react to their wife being ready for kids
warnings/tags: suggestive, fluff, female reader obv
Liu Kang
The way you brought it up was so subtle and casual. It was during his downtime, which was kinda rare. A simple "Hey...I think I'm ready to have children." and Liu is looking at you with surprised eyes and a full heart.
Being the kind of man Liu is, and how busy his life has become since being appointed as a god, this man set an exact date and time where there would be zero distractions. All his focus and effort was on you. And in you (ba dum tss)
So be prepared for a long night of passion, love, lust, and care. Cause you're not leaving that bed until you've gotten every last drop
Doesn't mind the gender. Boy, girl, he would love them just the same. Hell, even if it was more than one child at once, he wouldn't hesitate to give them the world.
Smoke
You mentioned it while you two were cuddled up on the couch. Little did you know how red his face turned until you felt his heart beat increase in real time, looking up at him with his genuine concern.
At first you thought he was nervous or probably didn't want to, and once he saw your slight frown he immediately countered that thought. He was so excited he froze. Endless reassurance from him until you verbally say you got it.
Did you think he wouldn't nervously suggest you start as soon as possible?? Pish posh, you are sad- happily mistaken. "Why not try right now?" he said, except he's stuttering over his own words and sweating profusely. No matter how many times you've been intimate with one another, he's always nervous around you <3
Gender doesn't matter to him either, however he does lean more on the side of a daughter. Simply because he'd die at the sight of a little girl running around the house that looked like you. If you had a son though, he'd be sure he doesn't meet ol uncle Bi Han bro would prob try to recruit
Johnny Cage
What if I told you he brought the idea to you one day as a "joke" and you're immediately like "That's crazy, I was going to say the same thing!"? You both looked at each other with narrowed eyes before making a run for it to the bedroom
Less talk, more action. It's safe to say y'all were up all night, touchin', lovin', going multiple rounds to the point where you forgot the entire reason for heading straight to bed. But hey, who's complaining? Johnny promised to tap that at the earliest opportunity (yes, i went there)
He SWORE that cowgirl and mating press were the "only efficient ways" to make sure you'd definitely get pregnant. As if going raw wasn't enough already-
Daughter. He wants a daughter. Give the man a daughter. He won't shut up about being a girl dad when you aren't even a month in yet. He's practicing dad jokes. Even coming up with ones that are tailored to daughters. Has a CVS receipt list of girl names and the only one you both decided that was perfect is "Cassandra/Cassie" (wink) He CANNOT wait to have another favorite girl in his life to spoil!
Raiden
It was after training. You finished first and watched him complete his, and the idea came to you while he was helping one of the younger recruits. You just laid it on him without warning: "I think we should have kids." and cue him almost spitting out his water. Was he dreaming?!
Another nervous one who blushed and stuttered a bunch upon trying to conjure up a response. The thought of having a child with you has been on his mind for some time now and it's like you read his mind, he just didn't want to overwhelm you.
Speaking of overwhelming, that was all out the window once you got home. Going from a peaceful walk to a heated make out session on a matter of seconds. Not to mention, you both had a longgg day of training and could use a shower...why not save some money on the water bill!
Raiden is too good with all types of kids to really have a preference. Growing up with his little sister AND kung lao gave him experience on both sides
Kung Lao
After your weekly sparring session, you got to thinking. You're already married, you've seen him handle kids and younger people well, and most of all he looks so damn hot when he's sweaty and out of breath. Not an unfamiliar sight to you at all!
It was when you two went to Madam Bo's for a good after-spar meal when you slyly threw it into the conversation. Mid bite, he couldn't help but back up from his food and look at you with that classic smirk he does and his dimples are fully visible (currently dying at this imagery.) And he'd end up saying something cocky but playful like "You think I'd oppose you carrying the next great Kung Lao?"
Got straight to it when you got home. Luckily you had already showered after the session, otherwise the water bill would've been looking like a traditional Chinese scroll after you were done. Prepare for his teasing, flirtatiousness, and pride to be multiplied by a thousand
I feel like he'd want a boy, and we all know why. He's not at all opposed to the idea of having a daughter. But if your first child was a daughter, you're going back to that king sized mattress once you've fully healed and trying again! (who's complaining 🤨)
Kenshi Takahashi
He had come home from a long day of a series of trips and tasks given by Liu Kang. You were in the kitchen brewing some tea late at night just because when you heard him come in. He wasn't exhausted, but you could tell he just wanted to drop everything and spend all his time with you the way he plopped down at the dining table.
When you offered food he politely declined since he had already eaten earlier. But he could sense something else was on your mind by the slight shift in your tone. Being visually impaired, his auditory has improved considerably since. "Is something on your mind?" he asked. "I think we should have kids." you responded, sitting next to him with your cup of tea.
He was at full attention now, whatever tired him from the day vanished just like that. You took his silence as uncertainty, so as you began to start listing the pros and benefits, he quickly cut you off with a "Let's do it." "Seriously?" you said, just to make sure you heard him. He stood and took your hand in his, "I'm very serious. We can start tonight, tomorrow, next week. The sooner the better." (hey, starting tonight didn't sound like a bad idea 😮‍💨)
He says he doesn't really stress the gender, but he'd like a son. Kenshi would adore your child under any circumstance, but being an only child (idk if that's canon but it's gonna be today XD) who practically raised most of his younger cousins who mostly consisted of girls, he gets a little giddy at the thought of having an older son younger daughter dynamic around the house.
Sub Zero
With how busy he is all the time and how even more tense he's become since the rift, it was a little difficult to find a way to get his undivided attention. However, the whole reason he married you is because you don't take any shit. You voiced your opinions and concerns whenever you deemed fit, and it never got in his way. So, you waltzed into his office on a mission.
It was one of the few times he wasn't running around or training his heart out. He just got done talking to Cyrax when you walked in looking as determined as the day you met. He knows you never interrupt him unless it's something terribly important. At a moment's notice, he gestured for Cyrax to leave so you could speak your peace.
"What is it?" he asked. You made sure the door was securely closed behind you before walking over to sit in his lap. He was quite surprised but also would be lying if he claimed he didn't enjoy it. "Let's have kids." you said. He always told you to be blunt with him about anything, and this was no exception. "Alright." he replied, seldom reason to say no, especially to the love of his life.
Bi Han would for sure want a son. He's set on carrying on tradition, even if he did oppose some of his late father's views. If you had a daughter as your first born, like Kung Lao y'all aren't stopping until you had a son. Though, he knows he will have to learn to raise your kids better than how he was raised. He'd rather die than ever neglect or overwork his children. Plus, you wouldn't have any of that anyway.
Scorpion
Despite being busy a lot as the head of his new clan, he always makes time for you. All his down time was yours unless you said otherwise. You were giving fighting advice to a recruit when Kuai approached you, a gentle warm hand on your shoulder. Earlier in the day, you said you wanted to talk in his free time
After excusing yourself and talking to him on the way to his office, you wasted no time laying it on him. "Kuai...I think we're ready for kids." He stops in his tracks and looks directly into your eyes. "...You're sure about this?" he asks softly, taking your hands in his with the most gentle gaze you've ever seen from him. He's been thinking about this for a while now, but didn't know how to bring it up. Your approving nod with a smile set his heart ablaze with happiness.
Because of his busy schedule, like some of the other kombatants with a lot on their plate, there's a set day and time. And once that time comes...it's tiimmeee (mariah carey voice) That night is gonna be filled with romance and deep love for one another.
Kuai wants a boy. He, like Kenshi, wants the older son and younger daughter dynamic, but for no particular reason. He just likes it. His feelings wouldn't change if your first kid was a girl though, the older daughter younger son dynamic would remind him of how his mother treated Tomas when they were kids before she passed.
a/n: as a mf who doesn't even want kids, this was so fun and cute to write omg😭ty anon for the idea! remember y'all my asks are open and i'd be down to do x or 11 if you want! just clarify pls <3
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agendabymooner · 6 months
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𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 !!! 𝐥𝐧𝟒 — 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫
☼ PENG TING FROM McLAREN
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chapter summary: honey-sue lewis was so much like her brother wroetoshaw but everybody didn’t know how alike they were until lando, a stranger, got her a bouquet she didn’t even know he bought.
OR why talk to lando norris in real life when you can just send an apology through airdrop?
content warning: use of explicit language, written + social media chapter, honey radiates big harry lewis energy (oblivious, wants to go home, can’t pick up social cues), petty lando (my man is just simping leave him alone), mentions sidemen diss track era
note: shoot me an ask about anything! enjoy xx
a - n masterlist
o - z masterlist
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Her second morning in Monaco started when she had dressed up in her comfortable striped shirt and a pair of washed jeans and departed the hotel to head down to the coffee shop nearby. 
Monaco was a place of glitz and glamour, indeed, but Hannah-Sue, or Honey, would only move and splurge her money on a flat here because of how close everything was in the principality. She could get pissed on a bar here and still make it home by walking. 
She loved it so much. Plus, the locals here were nice! Whereas she could get mugged in the streets of London even if she did nothing but breathe. Then again, she grew up around British people— so being sworn at was just a typical day. 
Peace and serenity was what she had expected on her second day. Ever since she saw her mates’ driver friend yesterday at lunch, she hadn’t been able to look anyone in the eyes anymore. She couldn’t even look at her brother without being awkward— Lando’s eyes were always trained on her when she spoke. 
She hated that he had to be so stupidly attractive and funny. She hated that he was so friendly. She hated that his stupid good looking face was making her even more socially awkward and conscious. 
But as her second morning went on, the thoughts of him had gone away. 
She stood from her seat and excused herself, “I’ll check out the streets right now,” she told her brother Harry and their friends. “I quite like the outside.”
“Honey if you smoke I swear to god—“ Harry tried warning his sister.
“I’m not gonna smoke, you ugly donny,” Honey quipped. “I’ve got no cigarettes with me.”
Filly looked at Honey with a concerned expression, “Are you sure you wanna go out by yourself? Can I come along?” She truly appreciated Filly’s presence in this trip, because he was genuinely worried for her. And they’ve only been friends since last year, so for him to care about her like this showed Honey that being friends with people weren’t all that bad. Not when someone could treat her like Filly did.
Honey smiled genuinely and shook her head with insistence, “I’m alright, Fils. I’ll be out quickly. ‘Sides I’m not gonna get robbed here or anythin’.”
“Yeah she right, she’s not in London,” Chunkz piped up with a snort. “Just be quick, yeah, because our food should be out soon.”
Honey had soon walked out of the place and looked around the streets of Monaco, the hustling and bustling city filled with luxury and ambition as her eyes skimmed through the stores. She truly loved the beauty of the principality. 
Her attention soon turned towards her left, where she found a person around her age waving with her eyes widened.
“Hello- I- oh my god,” the girl started, “Hi- Honey-Sue, right?” Honey nodded with a puzzled smile as the girl sighed, “Okay good— I’m such a big fan of your music and I uh- you’re here for the race right? I am too! I uh- can I take a selfie with you, perhaps?” 
“Oh! Thank you and uh, sure!” Honey nodded and placed her arm around the girl’s shoulder as the fan took a photo of the two of them. 
“Thank you!” The fan exclaimed with a grin, “I would’ve had something signed but I got nothing with me right now- and by the way, congratulations on the double platinum and the platinum for Lust for Life! I’m looking forward to your newest albu—“
“Excuse me, what?” Honey looked at the fan with a confused look. 
“Oh…” The fan trailed off. “Lust for Life just became a platinum album… did you not check your Twitter?”
“No? I uh—“ Honey stammered, still shell shocked at the news, “I don’t usually— Shit I do need to check my twitter and talk to my manager— alright, lovely chatting with you! Cheers mate! You have a good day!” 
Honey dashed inside the restaurant with news to bear.
Why, of all the times she could’ve gotten this news, did she learn that she just reached her platinum record status during her trip to Monaco? When it’s, arguably, the most stressful time for her considering that she was forced to meet new people? 
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yungfilly posted a story!
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Honey-Sue usually wasn’t this stupid. But whenever new people showed kind gestures to her, her social skills and ability to pick up cues would deteriorate dramatically.
Sure she could’ve just stopped rambling for a brief moment, but she couldn’t help it— nice and considerate people just make her short circuit especially if she didn’t know them before. 
(Hell, even KSI would get her anything she’d like and she’d still be humbled about his kind gestures. That entire “KSI called her a sket so now she’s making him pay for it— literally” ploy was just a front for JJ’s platonic affection for her. The petty Sidemen diss track days were over yet he doted on her.)
She smiled meekly as she continued to examine the bouquet of paper flowers at hand. She twirled the bouquet around her fingers as she admired it. 
“Yeah, we found out that you’ve gotten your platinum for your second album,” Ria continued to speak, but Honey couldn’t stop speaking and stammering. 
“Thank you so much,” Honey said once more, “this is quite nice. I- uh, it wouldn’t die on me so that’s something I can keep in my place for forever…? I really absolutely love it.” 
“And uh- Lan-“ Max tried to tell Honey but the singer couldn’t help but continue.
“I didn’t really expect this— I have to put this in my suitcase—“ Honey rambled. “Though I’m not sure if I should tuck it into the suitcase because this might flatten— excuse me guys—“
“—He- Lando—“ both Ria and Max tried to speak again but the Guernsey girl was already up on her feet as she began to head for the lift with Harry following suit.
Honey was still rambling to her brother as she asked, “Can you airdrop the photos? I ought to post those in my story.” 
“...Lando bought it for you…” Max trailed off, shooting a look at Ria as they sighed in defeat. 
It wasn’t even five minutes after when they received a notification from Instagram saying: “honeysue mentioned you in a story.” 
They weren’t sure how they’d be able to deal with a sulking Lando. Especially when Honey didn’t learn that the McLaren driver was the one who bought the paper flowers before he headed off to the track for his media day duties. 
She could’ve at least read the note he’s written, right?
honeysue posted a story!!!
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Lando was staring at her. 
And she was staring at the pasta on her plate as she refused to look at anyone. Not when the McLaren driver was staring at her with something of a curiosity in his eyes. 
Was it curiosity or disappointment? Because he probably was disappointed that she was socially awkward and didn’t know when to listen and understand.
She wanted to apologize for not crediting him for the gift. But the way he looked at her told her not to bother— he probably fucking hated her anyways. He probably thought she was a bitch for that. 
Especially after when she realized too late that it was his bouquet that she’d gotten. The message in the card was clear as a day in Monaco.
“Congratulations on your platinum! You’re amazing! Love, LN4 xx” 
She ignored the conversations around her as she continued to sip on her second cocktail of the night. Her head felt a little bit light, but she was sober enough to apologize to him. She had to apologize otherwise she’d feel too guilty and embarrassed.
After all— there’s a couple more days of the Monaco weekend. Her brother Harry’s intention was to spend some time around Lando’s peers. 
All Honey could do was apologize in hopes that the two of them would part ways. 
Meanwhile, Lando Norris stared at the screen of his Twitter as notifications came in from his recent post. It was probably stupid that he acted all petty towards Honey’s obliviousness, but he couldn’t help it. 
He really admired her. And he took her obliviousness about the flowers as a sign of rejection. 
He couldn’t even find himself to look away from her and he knew he was making her uncomfortable— or so he thought. 
And as he stared mindlessly at his screen, a faint sound escaped his phone as a notification popped up.
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He chuckled to himself and shook his head.
Honey fidgeted on her seat, her fingers running through her screen as she mindlessly typed away on her phone.
She could’ve just talked to Lando seeing as he sat across the table. But she couldn’t— she was too socially awkward and embarrassed after that whole fiasco. 
He accepted the airdrop that she sent a minute or so ago. But he seemed to not have decided to say anything more seeing as he hadn’t approached her like he did a day ago. 
She was just about to accept humiliation and defeat until a notification came from her phone.
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Yeah. Maybe there’s some room for improvement here. 
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♡ moony’s reminder 🅶 (general): @hiraethrhapsody @avaleineandafryingpan @topguncultleader @enhacolor @roseandtulips @woweewoowa @magnummagnussen
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commajade · 8 months
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i guess since i talk about shinee so much i should make an official blog statement about what happened lmfao. i didn't see it until yesterday because i was offline. and yeah! those r genuinely harmful and hurtful and nasty colorist statements they made to minho, and that's p cut and clear. no excuses tolerated here. i'm immensely disappointed in taemin and key as people because i thought they were better than that, but turns out they're pretty much the same people they were in like 2010 which is the last time something like this happened.
the consequences of them trying to loosen their professional boundaries and be more real people with real connections with their fans (which is overall a good thing i have said i appreciate) is that real people pretty much always have racist biases ingrained and naturalized in their heads. korean people have an neocolonial relationship to the US that rewards racism, so it is always present. colorism is rampant in asia with a direct tie to US colonial antiblackness. just on a personal level taekey should know better despite being so deep in the celebrity world and its beauty standards. colorism is not taught to be a social ill and related to racism in korea but if they took a second to think it would be obvious that it's hurtful.
people on twitter are being actively racist to people who say the truth which is that what they said is harmful. i will not be talking about shinee for the next whatever amount of time because i have a distaste for my faves currently and it hurts.
(post edited because i misspoke)
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thebunnyslibrary · 3 months
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Bucky Barnes Valentine's Drabble ❤️
wc. ~1500
pairing. Bucky x Curvy!Reader
summary. Reader is alone and in the gym on Valentine's Day of all days. Until the man of her dreams Bucky Barnes wanders in and offers to be her sparring partner...
an. I had a last minute idea for a drabble......that then morphed into TWO ideas!! Bucky is first up and I have another idea with Loki that I should hope to finish in the next couple of days. (PS I haven't forgotten my last Ficmas fic. I just kind of hit a wall and i'm still struggling to get over it. Maybe this will help.)
Also big shout out to @chasingmidnights for helping inspire me today ❤️
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Going to the gym wasn't exactly your first choice of things to start your Valentine’s Day; but here you were. You preferred to come early early, still dark out early, for two reasons. First for being a bit of an early riser yourself. Usually not as early as you were today, but enough that in the summer, you were able to hear the birds sing at breakfast.
 The second that there were less people to stare at you. Confident as you were in your curves, the world had not gotten used to the idea of fat people working out in gyms NOT to lose weight add you’d rather not start today, of all days, that way. Valentine’s Day. You had no real hatred for it. But you did get a little jealous sometimes when you walked in the office and saw so many other desks littered with flowers and candies. But you couldn’t recall a time someone had sent you so much as a single rose.
This year, you’d decided to take the self-care route. You’d ordered takeout last night and tucked it away in the fridge for tonight, along with a slice of your favorite cheesecake from the old-fashioned delicatessen down the street (family owned since the days Tony’s father running Stark Industries). You’d chosen not to weep for your singleness but instead use it as a night of rest and recovery. A good meal, a nice book and your favorite vinyl record along with a long soak in the tub were you self-loves tonight…and your now charging vibrator would take care of the other kind too.  You just had to make it through the day.
                Even though you were a desk jockey, there was a physical exam all SWORD agents had to pass. You weren't extraordinarily physically gifted, but you could kick but in Just Dance when you wanted to. Unfortunately, the virtual reality sparring simulator at the Avengers compound certainly wasn't as fun as silly dance moves to 70s music in your apartment You knew sparring with the examiner wouldn't be like this, but you had no one else to spar with. And that was where Bucky found you.  
"If you'd like I can practice with you, agent." He’d startled you as you quickly removed the virtual reality headset and turned to see him standing there. It was amazing how well he fit into modern clothing.  He was wearing a sleeveless shirt, showing off this metal arm. You’d never seen his arm this closes and you were in awe of the Wakandan craftsmanship. You'd long admired the former assassin, but never thought in a million years he'd notice you. He was the dark contrast to Captain America, the golden boy. Both were incredibly handsome but there was something mysterious about him that drew you to him. You could easily see why he’d been a lady’s man in the 40s. And you were just a desk clerk. You couldn’t compete with the women, all of whom looked like super models, that threw themselves at him.
You looked around, not seeing any one else and turned back to him, standing there and looking at you, a genuine smile on his face. You nodded and quietly responded.
"Uh...yeah. that would be nice."
Sparring with Bucky gave you a much better experience. Being able to actually fight someone who was there instead of just a simulation felt great. Even though you were sure Bucky was taking it easy on you, you were a lot stronger than you thought, not to mention quick. You were able to duck and dodge and lay a few quick jabs to his chest. And that was nothing compared to how confident you felt, and how good Bucky looked. He seemed to be enjoying himself, a smile never leaving his face. Once or twice you’d stared a little too long and he’d gotten a few jabs in, but you recovered quickly. 
 At one point he had his arms around you in a hold and you were amazed how warm he felt. His chest brushed against your back and you let out a little gasp that you prayed to God he didn't hear. But you saw the smirk play at his lips.
"Sorry, doll. I run a little warm cause of the serum."
"It's alright.” You said, sheepishly. “Your touch actually feels nice." You bit your cheek as you realized how wrong that probably was to say. To your surprise, Bucky didn’t mention it.
"Well the best way to pass a test is with the proper tools. Not with Tony’s toys." He said, rolling his eyes. “And your touch feels good too.” You raised your eyebrows in surprise before he continued “You’ve got a good strong grip.” He shot you a wink and you couldn’t begin to process what he meant when the sparring resumed. Bucky and you trained for a good hour or so and by the end you felt much better about the exam.
Bucky also took the time to show you a few new self-defense maneuvers. He was demonstrating a quick way to hit someone in the gut before raising your hands up to hit them in the face.
"It's one fluid movement." He guided your arms. By now you were CERTAINLY used to his touch. Especially in moments like now where you when his arms where wrapped around you to guide you.  You'd never felt more safe and secure.
"Like this...." You jabbed your elbows backwards before swinging are your arms up, hands closed together and you FELT the contact against Bucky’s nose as you'd executed the move perfectly. But your pride turned to panic as Bucky grunted, then started a fit of coughing as you realized what you’d done.
"Holy shit. Oh my God. I mean... oh shit. Uhm. Captain America is gunna kill me.... Sargent Barnes uhm...sir...?? Are you okay??"
Bucky coughed a few more times, before his breathing finally shallowed. His hand was clutch his nose, now paying attention to that and feeling to make sure it wasn't broken before he finally spoke to you.
“Well doll, I certainly didn't expect you to knock the wind out of me twice in one day. But I'll take it. And you can just call me Bucky.” He said and you felt like you were going to faint. Had he just said what you thought he did?
"Wha...what...? Twice?" you said in disbelief.
“Sure doll.” Bucky admitted. “First was when I walked In here today.  Though I have to say you've done it a few times before that" he admitted. “Like the other day when I dropped off that paperwork and you looked so beautiful in your blue dress.” He bit his lip, recalling the memory.
“You're not. You're not serious, right?” He couldn’t be.
“Yeah. Uhm. I am doll. I’ve been wanting to say something for a while but I was worried you were scared of me.”  Your heart twinged a little and you gently placed your hand on his mechanical arm.
“Not at all Bucky. In fact, I’ve liked you for some time as I just…didn’t think you’d notice me. You could have any girl you want and I’m just a desk clerk.” You said. “Not a supermodel or a superhero. Or anything special."
“Hey listen to me. You’re absolutely gorgeous doll. Why do you think I’m the one that’s always bringing you everyone else’s paperwork.” You thought for a moment before you realized it was true. You’d never noticed it but while you often saw other Avengers dropping off work to someone else, whenever something had to come to you, Bucky was always the one to bring it. “It’s the highlight of my day when I get to see you. His words, full of honesty and admiration made your heart swell. He placed his flesh hand over yours and squeezed it tight. You gazed into the crystal blue pools of his eyes as he broke the moment.
“Besides everyone knows it’s desk clerks that makes the world go round. Trust me, My ma worked as a secretary for a while. The stories she could’ve told.” You both laughed at that and you loved his laugh. You weren’t sure you’d ever heard him really laugh before. It wasn’t as deep or boisterous as Thor’s. Rather it pattered and reminded you of summer’s rain on a wooden roof. And you loved the way his shoulders shook, even if it wasn’t that big of a laugh.
“Listen, doll, I know it's super last minute...and if you didn’t already have plans tonight… I We'll never get a reservation anywhere. But you could come back to my place and I could cook you dinner? Maybe we can watch a movie?” Bucky asked. You smiled and happily replied.
                “It's a date.”
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reorientation · 6 months
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lost my virginity last night to an extremely hot guy who respects my gender identity but loved breeding me and came in me twice... i almost lost control and begged him to call me his good girl and use my birth name, genuinely i was on the verge of coming just thinking about him growling my real name into my ear as he knocked me up... chickened out but im going to see him again soon. what should i do?
watching my breasts bounce and feeling his balls brush my clit as he bottomed out in me was sublime... i felt completely womanly as he railed my pussy and it was absolute heaven. i could conceive any second, and might already be pregnant. he said he wants to share me with a friend and ive never needed anything the way i need them to fix me and show me the error of my ways
What a delight. You know that I love talking about fakeboys being forced into womanhood by men who know what they really are, but there's just something so cute when a girl finds a man who's willing to play along with her... and has her identity instantly evaporate from the heat of his body on hers, like dew in the sun.
I'm so proud of you, Anon. When you spread your legs for the first time, you did it the way every good girl should: fertile and vulnerable, for a man who knows what to do with you.
Is it any wonder that your real name was on your lips, when your body was doing the work of a woman? Is there really any doubt in your mind that you want him to call you good girl as his seed fills your fertile womb?
Tell him. If you're afraid you'll choke up again while he's fucking you, tell him beforehand - but wouldn't it be so adorable to beg him for it while panting and mewling and full of him? To feel your body in the bloom of womanhood as you finally let your mouth say it?
You're a very good girl, and you're going to show it to him. And very soon, he's going to make your body show it too.
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sixstepsaway · 7 months
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I don't get why people want to pretend Ed wasn't abusive. Why do people insist on making everything into binaries? Yes, Ed has been a victim of abuse. Yes, he has been abusive. Both things can be true. I love him because I think he's in interesting and I understand where his pain is coming from (even if I think S2 was a missed opportunity in terms of character development). But anyway, thank you for writing about this because maybe some folks genuinely don't recognize abusive trends.
I think it has a lot to do with the fandom culture of only being allowed to like "wholesome" ships.
Look at it this way: when season 1 was airing, Ed and Stede were, in fact, very wholesome. Sure, they had some moments of lesser wholesomeness, but overall they were pretty wholesome and sweet and gentle. They were sweet and finding love in middle age and it was adorable. They had a general stamp of fandom approval that they were, in fact, Wholesome And Good To Ship™.
If you look at other fandoms, you'll see a lot of times there's the Good And Acceptable Ship and then there's the Bad Ship (or ships) and the Bad Ship is always slapped with the "oh that's actually incest!" label when they've, idk, grown up together, or "oh it's abusive!" because one of them one time made a bad joke or something, or "power dynamics!" because one is 27 and one is 25 or one is short and the other is tall or whatever, and yeah sometimes the Bad Ship is actually toxic or whatever (which is not a reason to not ship and enjoy it!), but they're put in neat little boxes: Good and Bad.
And for a lot of people, those boxes keep them safe. Last year, someone who was an Izzy Hands fan got doxxed because...? They liked Izzy Hands and shipped him with... I don't know actually. Ed? Stede? It doesn't matter, all I know is they got doxxed.
The side of fandom that thinks you should only ship the Good Ship are toxic and downright dangerous. It's happened again and again in numerous fandoms and just keeps happening.
So when at the end of s1, Ed turned around and cut Izzy's toe off and fed it to him, I think a lot of people panicked because shit, now Ed was Bad too, and if he's Bad then you can't like him or relate to him or ship him with the Good guy of Stede, so what the fuck do you do?
Obvious answer: Blame Izzy. Izzy's already classed as Bad, so put all the responsibility on Izzy for Ed's darkness and then it's safe to ship Ed and Stede again and no one can call you an abuse apologist or whatever for liking them together.
(To be clear: Shipping says nothing about your real morality. This is very clear for many reasons, one of which is... spend thirty seconds watching fans of the Wholesome Ships dox people and abuse people online lol)
So they spent all this time saying Ed was just scared and lashing out, and now s2 has come along and Ed is... well, abusive, canonically.
And for most of us, that doesn't really matter. We can still enjoy Ed and Stede or Ed and Izzy, we can throw ourselves into fanworks and enjoy the show for the things we like, and we can critique the things we have issues with (my problem is not Ed being written as dark and twisty and having a villain arc, my problem is the show writing it badly, exploring it badly, and then handwaving it, because it's shitty writing) and still really enjoy the vibes we got from the show.
But for people who are scared because they spent all this time saying Izzy fans should kill themselves for liking an abuser, well... now they have a choice: either admit Ed is an abuser and admit that liking a character doesn't dictate your irl morality, nor does it say anything about you aside from what you enjoy in fiction, or excuse away his actions, insist he's just a lil meow meow and continue feeling safe in their little bubble.
In a lot of ways I can't blame people for wanting to duck and cover from it. I mean, look at the shit people get for liking characters who aren't perfect, or talking about the imperfections of characters, or just enjoying complex narratives!
But what genuinely concerns me isn't anything to do with the fiction really, it's when people look at Ed's behavior in 2x01 and 2x02 and go, "Nah he's fine," because oh, honey, no, you are making yourself so vulnerable to real life abuse. That is what worries me, which is why I answered that one ask saying Ed wasn't abusive, it felt important to point out why he is.
Anyway, that's what I think is happening here. I think people are just scared that if they admit their fave has multitudes and isn't a perfect character who never does any wrong, they'll get doxxed and abused and harassed online.
I get that.
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bupia · 7 months
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8, 31, and 40 with Mountain and an afab reader? Please? I'm very happy to have found you, by the way. I'm going to do my best not to send a lot of these.
SHOWER SEX
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"I've been wondering how it feels like..." "I'm worried I won't be good enough." "I have no idea how to go about this."
There's a smut under the cut, +18 only, please.
(AFAB!Reader: dirty talk; swearing; unprotected sex; p in v; breeding)
Available on AO3
Day 15 | Day 17
After each ominous black mass, the only thing that beckoned to your weary soul was a soothing hot shower and the embrace of rest. It wasn't that the ceremonies were particularly intricate; typically, the first week was more talk than action. No, the real issue lay in their timing. They commenced far too late in the night, a cruel coincidence following a taxing day of ministerial duties. You had grown tired of Papa Emeritus III's lengthy sermons; in fact, you suspected that he, too, harbored a desire to be anywhere but there. His distant gaze often hinted at better things he could be doing.
But in that moment, nothing else held any significance; it was time for a hot and soothing shower. You had already made your way to the bathroom. While at the ministry, all the siblings typically used the communal showers, fortune favored you that night as you found the room to be empty.
You began to undress, taking off your habit one piece at a time, and neatly placing them on one of the sinks. The sensation of finally shedding those layers of clothing after a long and grueling day was pure relief.
You glanced at yourself in the mirror, finally removing the last piece of clothing. With a towel in hand, you were just about to head into the shower when an unexpected noise at the door startled you. Frustration welled up within as you couldn't fathom how your precious moment of solitude and relaxation was about to be shattered by the intrusion of some fellow sibling.
Quickly, you unfolded the towel and readied yourself to cover your body, but before you could do so, you found yourself locking eyes with the unexpected intruder. It was Mountain, one of the Ghouls from the ministry. In that awkward moment, as his gaze met your naked form, everything he held in his hands fell to the floor with an audible thud.
For what felt like an eternity, the two of you remained locked in a silent, intense gaze, as though time had come to a standstill. It could have been mere seconds, or perhaps a minute, before the tension finally reached its peak, and you let out a piercing scream that would have alerted anyone nearby.
Mountain swiftly closed the distance between you, his hand clamping down firmly on your mouth to stifle the scream. His eyes were wide with alarm, mirroring your own. In this peculiar moment, neither of you could tear your gaze away from the other's eyes.
As your frantic heartbeat began to slow, Mountain cautiously withdrew his hand from your mouth, the silence between you still heavy with the weight of what had just transpired.
"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry," he stammered, his voice filled with genuine remorse. "I thought no one would be here at this hour. I was planning to use the Ghoul's communal bathroom, but it's a complete mess in there right now."
Reassuringly, you responded, "That's okay, don't worry. It's completely fine. I'm the one who should apologize for screaming; I didn't mean to."
A faint smile crossed Mountain's face, and he chuckled, "I don't blame you. I'm guessing you weren't expecting company either, were you?"
"Not at all!" you exclaimed.
"If you'd prefer, I can wait outside or wander around the ministry for a while and return later." Mountain offered.
"No, please, you're already here. It's perfectly fine with me!" you quickly responded.
"Okay," he said, turning his back to you and walking back to where his belongings had been scattered on the floor.
He bent down, starting to pick them up one by one, a slight hint of frustration in his movements. You couldn't help but smile at the sight of him. To be honest, you did have a bit of a something on him, or maybe it was more than that. Perhaps it was his height, the tenderness in his voice, his smile, his eyes, his hands, or simply him. As you continued to watch him, a smile crept onto your lips, making you momentarily forget about the awkward situation.
But from the corner of your eye, you caught a glimpse of your own naked reflection in the mirror. Cursing under your breath, you swiftly grabbed your towel, wrapping it around yourself.
"So, are you really okay with me staying?" Mountain asked once more, concern etched on his face.
"Absolutely," you assured him with a warm smile.
"Thank you."
He moved to the sink, placing his things on its surface. Slowly, he removed his mask and ran his fingers through his hair, taking a deep breath. You observed him with keen interest; it was a rare privilege to see the Ghouls without their masks, and being in their presence during such moments was almost like a special treat. Mountain placed his mask on the sink and cast a warm, gentle smile your way through the mirror. Your cheeks flushed deeply, and you managed to return his smile with one of your own.
As he began to unbutton his clothes, your mind raced with a whirlwind of thoughts. You swiftly made your way to one of the shower stalls, stepping inside and taking a deep, calming breath. You couldn't help but be tempted to sneak a peek at his actions, but you knew you shouldn't – it wouldn't be right.
With determination, you hung your towel on the stall door, placed your soap and shampoo on the little shelf and turned on the shower, adjusting it to your desired temperature. As the water flowed and embraced you, you let out a relieved sigh. Your hands reached into the cascading stream, and slowly, your entire body was immersed in its soothing embrace, washing away the lingering tension.
You closed your eyes, allowing the warm water to envelop you in a soothing, comforting embrace. It was precisely what you needed after the unusual encounter. But then, the sound of another shower turning on broke your reverie, causing you to open your eyes and stare at the stall's door. You had nearly forgotten that you weren't alone.
With a slow, cautious turn of your head, you glimpsed Mountain standing under the shower's cascading water, his eyes closed and a serene smile gracing his face. Somehow, he looked endearingly cute in that moment. A giggle escaped your lips, drawing his attention as he opened his eyes. Quickly, you averted your gaze and turned your back toward his direction, making your way to your soap, attempting to regain your composure.
"Thank you again for letting me stay," Mountain expressed his gratitude.
You continued to rub the soap between your hands, your focus shifting to the suds forming in your palms. "You don't have to thank me that much, Mounty," you responded, still not meeting his gaze.
"Mounty?" he questioned.
As he repeated the nickname, your soap slipped from your grasp, landing with a soft thud on the shower floor. Quickly, you bent down to retrieve it, placing it back in its designated spot.
"Y-Yeah," you stammered, feeling slightly flustered. "I'm sorry, I tend to give people nicknames sometimes."
He chuckled softly, making your heart skip a beat. "I liked it."
A surprised smile broke through your shyness as you turned to look at him. "You did?" you asked, your curiosity evident.
Mountain nodded and smiled back at you. With renewed confidence, you picked up your soap once more, this time focusing on washing yourself.
"So how's your shower going?" Mountain inquired, his eyes fixed on you.
You continued to lather the soap on your skin as you replied, "It's fine. And yours?"
Mountain nodded, a serene smile on his face. "It's good. I needed it."
The idea crossed your mind – what if you took a chance and said something more? What if you tried to flirt a little? But should you? He was there, you were here, and you could make a playful attempt to flirt with him. After all, you were alone, and no one would overhear your subtle advances toward the intriguing Ghoul that had captured your interest.
"It would be better if you were here," you blurted out, surprised by your own words.
Mountain's expression shifted to one of curiosity. "What?" he inquired.
"What?" you repeated, feigning innocence.
"You said something. What was it?" he insisted.
"I said nothing," you attempted to brush it off.
"No, you definitely said something."
"Did I?" you stalled.
Mountain chuckled, turning off his shower. "You did. What did you say?"
With a deep breath, you confessed, "I said that... It would be better if you were here."
He smiled, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I see... So you want me to come over?"
"Only if you want to," you responded, feeling a mixture of excitement and nervousness.
"I want to."
He exited his shower stall, and you watched him with anticipation as he made his way to your stall. He stopped in front of it, and you unlocked the door for him. He opened the door, revealing his tall, wet, and naked body. Your cheeks turned a deep shade of red as your eyes took in the sight before you. Mountain took a step closer and closed the door behind him.
"Hi," he greeted with a playful grin.
"Hi," you replied, feeling a rush of excitement and anticipation.
"Feeling better now?" he asked.
"Extremely," you admitted, a bashful smile gracing your face.
Mountain's giggles reverberated in the shower stall as he leaned against the wall. "Thank you for the invitation."
"You're welcome," you replied, your voice tinged with shyness.
He nonchalantly gestured toward his own shower. "I must admit, the view from here looks better than from there."
"Could you see me from your shower?" you asked, curiosity piqued.
He shrugged. "Not entirely, but from here, I have a more privileged view."
A hint of a smile played on your lips. "And are you enjoying the view?"
"Very much," he replied, biting his lower lip, sending a delicious shiver down your spine.
You placed the soap back in its spot and took a step closer to him. Extending your hand, you reached for him, your fingertips tracing a delicate path from his belly to his chest. His skin was warm and smooth beneath your touch. His breath caught at your touch. You smiled as you felt him contracting his body muscles beneath your fingers.
"Are you not going to take a shower, Mountain?" you inquired, your voice barely above a whisper.
He leaned in closer, his eyes locked onto yours, and he replied, "I will, but that's not what I'm thinking about right now."
You swallowed nervously. "Oh? So, what are you thinking about right now?"
With a seductive grin, he confessed, "Kissing you."
"You want to kiss me?" you inquired, your heart racing with anticipation.
Mountain's gaze bore into yours, his eyes filled with desire. "Yes, but only if you want me to."
With a whispered affirmation, you confessed, "I do."
Mountain lowered his body, his hands gently cradling your cheeks, and he closed the distance between you two. Mountain's kiss was intense and passionate, igniting a fire within both of you. As his arms enveloped you, drawing you closer, your own arms found their place around his neck, pulling him nearer. Your bodies pressed together, melding in a heated embrace, and you kissed each other with fervor. Your tongues danced, exploring the depths of each other's mouths, and joy and desire coursed through you.
His hands moved up and down your body, skillfully touching you in all the right places, sending shivers down your spine. The kiss grew increasingly fervent, stoking the flames of desire within you. Your hands roamed over his shoulders, back, and hips, as the sensations intensified.
The water from the shower continued to cascade over your entwined bodies, soaking you both. As you pulled away, your breath came in rapid gasps. With a swift and decisive move, Mountain turned you around, guiding you out of the shower and pressing your back against the stall wall. His eyes were filled with desire as he gazed down at you, and a devilish grin curved his lips. You bit the corner of your lower lip, your heart swelling with happiness as your body tingled from the intensity of the kiss.
"Is it okay if I want more?" Mountain whispered, his voice filled with desire.
"To kiss me?" you asked, your voice trembling with anticipation.
He shook his head, leaning closer to you, pressing his body against yours. Your eyes widened as you felt his hardness pressing against your thigh.
"It's totally fine," you whispered, brushing your lips against his.
"Are you sure?"
You nodded, your desire and longing clear in your eyes. "I'm sure."
You wrapped your fingers around his hardness and gave it a gentle squeeze. He moaned softly and tilted his head back, closing his eyes. You continued to stroke him, feeling his arousal grow beneath your touch. You could feel his heartbeat thumping in his member, and you smiled as you thought of how good it would feel inside you. You stroked him faster, and Mountain gasped out loud. He opened his eyes and looked into yours.
"Do you want me to fuck you?" he asked, his voice raspy.
You nodded and bit your lip. "Yes, please."
Mountain leaned in to kiss you once more, a sense of urgency driving his movements. His lips met yours with a burning need, and he pressed his tongue against your parted lips, exploring the depths of your mouth. His hands moved up and down your body, each touch electrifying and sending shivers of pleasure coursing through you.
His hands reached for your face, tilting your head and deepening the kiss. The air was thick with a mix of ragged breaths and soft moans that escaped both of you. Your leg roamed along one of his, eventually coming to rest on his hips. The physical contact was electrifying, sending sparks of pleasure shooting throughout your body. Your hips started to grind against his erection, and you felt his hands sliding across your ass, pulling you closer to him.
You broke the kiss and stared deep into his eyes. "Please," you breathed, your voice barely audible.
"Turn around," he said, his voice gruff with desire.
You did as instructed, turning around, facing away from him. He grabbed your hips, and you placed your hands on the wall. He slowly began to push his length into you. You let out a soft whimper as his member entered you, stretching you open. He paused for a moment, allowing you to adjust to his size. Then he slowly pushed himself further into you, inch by inch. You gasped and moaned, feeling every inch of him filling you.
"Oh..." you groaned, grinding your hips against his. "So big..."
Mountain groaned loudly and began thrusting into you. He moved slowly at first, but soon picked speed. Pumping into you harder and deeper. You arched your back, meeting his thrusts.
"How can you be this wet?" he inquired, with a mischievous smile. "Did you want my cock that bad?"
"Yes..." you purred.
He moved his hips, sliding his length in and out of you. You moaned loudly, your pleasure mounting as he thrust into you faster and harder. Mountain reached up and grabbed your shoulders, pulling you close to him. You threw your head back and closed your eyes, as you felt his member sliding in and out of you.
"Mmm... Mounty..." you growled, biting your lower lip. "Yes, fuck me, yes-! Oh! It's so good, fuck..."
"Is it good?" he whispered, lowering his face to your neck, pressing hungry kissed on your skin. "You like my cock inside you? Does it feels good?"
"Feels amazing! Ah... M-Ohn... Don't stop, please!" you cried out, your body writhing in pleasure as Mountain pouded into you.
The water splashed over his body, drenching you both. You cried out again, louder this time, as Mountain slammed into you, his length hitting your right spot over and over. He grunted, wrapping his arms around you, pressing your back onto his body. His teeth biting gently your neck, as he picked up speed on his pace, slamming into you, hitting your cervix over and over.
"So tight... Ah! So tight and hot for me, what a good pussy to fuck," he whispered, breathing heavily close to your ear.
"Mountain, Oh my Satan! You fuck so good, yes, yes, yes!" you whimpered. "Oh! You fuck me so good."
Mountain withdrew and turned you to face him. He bent down, kissing you deeply, his tongue dancing inside your mouth, causing you to moan with pleasure. He then slid his length back into you, and you wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him hungrily. The connection between your bodies was electrifying.
Breaking the kiss, your bodies pressed together, and Mountain gazed at you with a smile. His hands reached for your legs, lifting them onto his hips and holding them firmly. You wrapped your legs around him, locking your ankles behind his back. Your arms held him tight, your fingers intertwined in his hair. Mountain began to thrust into you, and you moaned, your head falling back.
"Yes-yes-yes-yes! Oh, my sweet Mounty, you fuck me so fucking good!" you screamed out.
The tip of his member brushed against your cervix, and you gasped. Your walls tightening around his member. Mountain smiled at you and thrust into you once more, your body squeezing his tight. He quickened his movements, and you squeezed your legs around his waist, trying to pull him deeper into you. Your breathing became ragged, your body trembling with pleasure.
"Your pussy takes my cock so well," he said looking straight at your eyes. "So fucking good, it feels so good... You have no idea how good your tight pussy feels around my fucking cock... Fu-! Ah!"
"Mounty... I- I don't think I can... Ah!" you moaned softly, rolling your eyes in pleasure. "I don't think I can hold anymore..."
"It's okay, I'm going to cum soon too, cum with me," he said, panting heavily.
He growled softly, and you felt him press his thumb against your clit, rubbing it in small circles. Your eyes widened and your breath caught in your throat. You felt yourself building up towards an orgasm, and you knew that you wouldn't be able to hold off much longer. His fingers moved faster, rubbing your clit in time with his thrusts.
"Mountain!" you screamed, your orgasm bursting through your body like a dam breaking. Your entire body tensed, as his thumb kept rubbing your clit fast.
"Yes! That's it! Cum for me, yes, just like that!" Mountain groaned and held onto you tighter. "You came so good, I'm going to fill you, I'm going to cum inside of your tight pussy," as he said it, his member pulsed inside you, spurting his hot seed into you.
You squeezed your eyes shut, your body convulsing, clenching your walls around his member. You cried out as you milked his member, wanting every last drop. Your wall pulsing around him shaft, feeling him filling you deep inside.
You laid your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. You felt him wrap his arms around you and kiss your forehead. You sighed contentedly, slowly releasing your legs from his grip. Slowly, he untangled himself from you, causing you to shiver as you felt his cum dripping out of you.
Mountain's hand cupped your cheek, his thumb gently stroking it. He leaned in, placing a delicate peck on your lips. A smile graced your face as you reached out, caressing his wrist with your hand.
"Should we stop wasting water now?" Mountain asked in a playful tone.
You chuckled and nodded. "Yes," you agreed with a teasing glint in your eyes. "Next time, we should turn off the water."
Mountain leaned in, whispering, "Or maybe we can find another place," and then claimed your lips in another passionate kiss.
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