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shookethbrooketh · 4 years

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seven days (i’ll find you in any world)

day seven

summary: dan is stuck in the wrong timeline. one day, he kisses phil goodnight. the next morning, he’s completely alone. he doesn’t even recognize where he wakes up, and little details in the world around him have changed. he has no clue what’s happening or where to go next in an effort to fix it; all he knows is that he has to find phil.

genre: sci-fi, a lil bit of angst, happy ending

warnings: just some swearing!

fic word count: 19.0k chapter word count: 3.0k

a/n: i can’t believe i’ve finally finished this fic!! huge thanks to any of you who have stuck around all the way through this mess--i love you all sm <333

written for the @phandomreversebang ! inspired by the awesome moodboard/edits by @maybeformepersonally ! beta’d (beginning to end) by @i-might-just-leave-soon ! HUGE thank you to eilidh for being such an amazing beta for this entire fic <333

much to his surprise, phil pulled him in closer, and he closed his eyes again, allowing himself to feel the kiss. he could sense the world tearing itself apart around him, but all that mattered to him in that moment was that he was back kissing phil, and he was completely confident--that was his phil.

read it on ao3

Dan blinked his eyes open with no sense of urgency, rolling over to snooze the alarm beside his bed. It read 7:00, and he wasn’t sure why he was getting up that early, but he wasn’t pleased. He stared at his boring, beige wall for a moment, contemplating whether or not he should get up, when he came to the realization that there was something in his mouth.

“Bleh,” he spat, disgusted by the spit covering the bag. He looked at the bag for a moment, and a wave of chills came over him as memories came rushing back to him. “Fucking damnit,” he whispered, looking around his childhood bedroom. He’d woken up so at peace there that he’d completely forgotten that he wasn’t eighteen anymore. Blissful ignorance was preferred to this bullshit.

He picked up his old phone from the nightstand and saw a text from Phil. “That was easy,” he muttered, and then furrowed his brow. Dan couldn’t remember it completely, but that seemed identical to the text he’d received from Phil ten years earlier on the day that they meant. He glanced up at the date on the top of the notification screen--October 19, 2009.

Dan’s eyes widened as he scrambled to access Phil’s twitter, and his suspicions were confirmed--everything was identical. “Okay, calm down,” he said to himself, already on his feet and nervously pacing the room. “There’s billions of parallel universes out there! There must be one tiny difference in this universe and mine, right?”

He banged his head on the wall, struggling to search his memory for anything that anyone had told him throughout the week that could explain this universe--this final universe that Dan would have a chance to travel through before all would collapse.

“I’m living in tropes,” his own voice echoed in his head.

“Follow them, and you will find your way home,” a Phil from days ago responded.

Dan picked his head up from where it was resting on the wall and looked into his mirror. “Follow the trope.” Realization after realization hit him, each of them like another dodgeball in his personal secondary school hell. 2009!Phan was one of the most popular phanfiction tropes; he knew that. Every other trope was in an alternate universe, but this one took place in theirs. And it took place at that very moment. He was in his own timeline; he had to be.

He looked to his side and found the suitcase that a younger him had packed the night before, his train ticket to Manchester sitting on top. The clothes he’d worn all those years ago when he’d met Phil were laying on a chair beside it. Dan took a deep breath, looking back into the mirror. He had a train to catch.

Everything from there until Manchester went off without a hitch. Dan had no problems getting on the train, and the ride itself was pleasant enough--it was when he was approaching Manchester that everything began to go wrong.

He was in his own timeline, and he’d tried thus far to recreate everything he’d done when he traveled ten years earlier, but he couldn’t do that forever. How would he react when he met Phil? How would Phil help him get back to 2019? And worst of all, would his actions now change his future with Phil?

As Dan stepped onto the platform in Manchester, he began to feel as if he was being torn in half. Half of him was being pulled, almost against his will, towards Phil, his future and his trope. The other half was petrified with fear and wanted to turn right back around and get back on the train in fear that if he interacted with Phil he wouldn’t even have a future to go back to.

“Follow the trope,” he repeated to himself, putting a wide smile on his face. He ran towards Phil without even thinking; he already knew exactly where Phil would be. A wave of sadness fell over him; the memory of the joy he’d felt the first time he’d done this made him feel even worse about the situation he was now stuck in.

As he neared Phil, he saw the bright smile that had been engraved in his brain for the last ten years. Dan’s smile became a bit more genuine as he buried himself in Phil’s arms, a familiar warmth enveloping them. Much had changed in ten years, but the feeling of home that Phil gave him, even though Dan had no way of knowing if it was even real, would never leave him.

“I can’t wait to show you around Manchester!” Phil exclaimed, almost giddier than Dan remembered.

“I can’t wait to see it!” That was a lie. He knew everything about Manchester. He knew everything about Phil, too; the two of them had lived there for years. But Phil didn’t know that.

“Let’s go grab some Starbucks,” he said, and Dan nodded, his body jerking a bit afterwards. Was that what he had done the first time? Was Starbucks their first stop, or did they go to the Apple Store first? What if he’d already changed their future with just a simple nod?

Dan knew he’d screwed up when Phil remained completely silent all the way to the Starbucks a couple of blocks away. It was as if they were both actors, and they were just waiting until they had more lines to speak.

They reached the Starbucks and ordered caramel macchiatos, and Dan couldn’t help but crack a smile. It was odd for him to relive moments that had become iconic to thousands of people, but it was almost therapeutic. If the entire universe was going to explode at the end of the day, it might as well be the best day of his life.

Dan allowed himself to fall into the experience, and his anxiety lifted ever so slightly. He and Phil talked and laughed, and they felt natural for the first time. Dan felt real for the first time.

“You can’t tell me Muse’s latest album was their best. I mean, come on!” Dan exclaimed, smiling at Phil with the softest possible form of anger.

“I’m not saying that! I’m just not saying it’s the worst. The worst was clearly Simu-Symmetry. Origin of Symmetry.”

Dan furrowed his brow. “Phil, you love Origin of Symmetry. We both do.” Dan replayed Phil’s phrasing in his head. It sounded almost like he was beginning to say simulation, the first word in the title of Muse’s 2018 album.

“I’m just messing with you,” Phil said, appearing a bit uneasy. “Symmetry is the best.”

Dan chuckled nervously. “Yeah.”

Dan couldn’t help but notice more things that seemed off throughout the day. It seemed almost as if he and Phil both were simply going through the motions--as if things that they’d had to discuss and decide on ten years ago they simply did.

It wasn’t long before they found themselves taking their first picture together in the Apple Store. “Picture?” Phil asked after charging directly towards the spot Dan remembered the picture being taken in. He might have been losing his mind, but he could have sworn they meandered the store until they found themselves there. It was as if they were just checking boxes.

They took the picture, both of them struggling in attempts to recreate the exact picture--Dan could only remember because they’d done it in PINOF 10 only a year earlier. They did it, though, as far as Dan could tell, and Phil posted it on Dailybooth.

And then they were there. The Manchester Eye. The place the two of them had first kissed.

Dan wasn’t ready for this stop. The moment he’d first kissed Phil there years ago had been the most magical moment of his life, and still to date it was the memory he pulled whenever he was asked to think of something happy. He wasn’t sure if he could handle tainting it with this fake do-over. It was like he was back in the VCR days, and he was about to tape over his happiest memory.

As the two of them went up in the wheel, Dan’s head was spinning so fast that he couldn’t keep track of his thoughts. The only thing he could cling onto was the same mantra he’d been repeating in his head for the entire day: follow the trope.

All he could seem to do was follow the trope. He was confident now that it was pulling him, guiding him to do things he wasn’t completely sure he wanted to do. He felt helpless, as if he was back in high school theatre class and had to kiss a girl onstage. He wasn’t even himself anymore--he was an actor, a character in a story that was no longer his own. Follow the trope, his brain said. But his heart told him to stop it all, to break character.

Breaking character, though, could have serious consequences. What if he’d done the one thing he’d truly feared all day and destroyed the future he had with Phil? What if he lost his only chance to repair the timeline?

But then again, what if the real Phil, his Phil, his 2019 Phil was sitting across from him, and he wouldn’t know until he broke character? What if the Phil across from him was the character, and his Phil was the actor?

Follow the trope. Break character.

They stopped at the top of the wheel.

Follow the trope. Break character.

Phil smiled nervously at him. He was out of time.

Follow the trope. Break character.

“Dan, I can’t do this.”

Dan blinked himself into reality and his eyes widened. “What?” was the only thing he could muster out. This was certainly different.

“I’m not who I say I am. Well, I am, but I’m not.”

Dan took a deep breath, calmer than he’d been since awakening that morning. “You’re a time traveler.”

Dan needed the comic relief that came when Phil’s eyes popped out of his head.

“I’m from 2019, and you are too, aren’t you?” Phil barely managed to nod his head. “Phil, I think we’re from the same universe. I think you’re really my Phil,” he said, taking Phil’s hands.

“How-how do you know?” Dan could feel Phil shaking.

“We’re meant to be here together. Right now. Again. We’ve done all this before, and we have to follow this trope back home.”

“Dan, what the hell are you talking about?”

“You did live this ten years ago, didn’t you?”

“Yes, of course I did!”

“Then trust me.”

Dan pulled the bag from the night before out of his pocket and looked up at Phil, who was suddenly holding a device with a large, red button in the middle.

“What’s that?” they each asked each other at the same time.

“This can take me back to 2019 in my timeline,” Phil said, answering before Dan had a chance. “I came back here for Dan--for you, maybe. I don’t know. But I do know that if I take the wrong Dan back, we’ll both be torn apart on the way back, along with every timeline in existence.”

“Yeah, well I know that if we don’t get the timelines back to normal by the end of the night, they’ll split beyond repair anyway,” Dan replied, more serious than he could ever recall being.

Phil bit his lip. “I don’t know.”

Dan ignored Phil’s panic and opened the bag. “Here,” Dan said firmly, handing Phil the paper. “The Phil I met in the timeline I was in yesterday said this is the key to fixing everything.”

Phil took the paper, his hands shaking as he read it. “Bring the anomalies together?” Phil shouted. “No shit!”

“Is that all it says?” Dan asked, panic beginning to set over him as well.

“That’s it!” Phil shouted, starting to rock the cart they were sitting in. “This is fucking useless!”

“I guess he didn’t know how much you’d know!” Dan exclaimed, anger creeping into him as well. All the hours they spent the previous night, just for nothing?

“Dan, I don’t know what to do!” Phil exclaimed, fear setting into his eyes. Dan looked at him, and he could tell Phil was relying on him. Dan was the only one who could fix this, and he only had one idea.

“Follow the trope,” Dan said, his voice suddenly quiet.

“What?” Phil replied, equally quiet. An eerie, tense silence fell over their cart.

“You have to kiss me.”

“What?!” Phil exclaimed, his voice loud once again.

“I’m supposed to follow the trope. I’ve been in a world where you’re famous and I’m not, a world where we meet in a coffee shop, a world where we’re both parents, and a whole pile more, but the point is that those are all fanfiction tropes. And the two of us, here, right now, are a trope too. 2009.”

“You’re trying to tell me that the way for us to get home is for us to make out?”

“No, Phil! We just have to complete the timeline with everything that happened tonight!”

“You’re fucking insane, you know that?” he shouted, spit flinging from the corners of his mouth.

“Do you have any better ideas?” The silence fell again, and Phil looked at Dan with desperation in his eyes. “Do you know of any other ways to find out if we’re really the Dan and Phil that have been in love with each other for the last ten years?”

Phil’s expression softened a bit, and Dan could feel his own follow. Their faces still showed desperation, but they now had a sense of understanding, a sense of love. And for the first time since a week ago when Phil had kissed him goodnight, Dan finally felt as if he was truly back with his Phil.

Dan reached out and took Phil’s hand. “Are you ready?” Phil nodded, and Dan leaned in, pressing their lips together for the first time in what felt like ages. Before Dan could even begin to feel the numerous emotions that the kiss instilled in him, a wind began picking up around them. Dan wanted to pull back to mention that they were inside a cart and there was no way wind could have gotten inside, but he found his lips stuck to Phil’s. “Mmm!” he hummed, his eyes wide open in fear.

Much to his surprise, Phil pulled him in closer, and he closed his eyes again, allowing himself to feel the kiss. He could sense the world tearing itself apart around him, but all that mattered to him in that moment was that he was back kissing Phil, and he was completely confident--that was his Phil.

Suddenly they were thrust away from each other, and Dan felt himself land on a hard floor. He sat up, rubbing his head, and looked around the room. They were in their lounge in their 2019 flat, and Phil was lying on the floor across the room. “Phil?” He sat up immediately, beaming from ear to ear.

“We did it,” he laughed, lunging across the room to tackle Dan into another kiss. Their first kiss may have been literal magic, but this second one felt like magic to Dan. They were safe, and they were together, and he’d never been happier to have Phil in his arms.

“We did it,” Dan repeated, tears filling his eyes as he gazed into Phil’s. He pulled back slightly, refusing to leave Phil’s grasp, but needing to make a point. “Is the timeline alright? Is everything really back to normal?”

“As far as I can tell, yeah,” Phil said, standing up and helping Dan to stand beside him.

Dan brushed off his clothes and looked to Phil. He was his 2019 self, but he was still wearing his 2009 clothes, and Dan couldn’t help but chuckle internally at the sight. “How the hell did we get back?”

“I’m assuming some other Dan and Phil in a parallel universe didn’t follow the trope and just pushed the button to go home,” Phil replied, waving the device he had kept in his pocket over his head.

“Fair,” Dan replied, “but I prefer the magic kiss theory.”

Phil laughed openly, the extreme relief they shared showing through. “I suppose that works too.”

Phil took Dan’s hand in his and the two walked to their bedroom to get ready to sleep; it wasn’t all that late, but they were exhausted from their journeys.

“Phil?” Dan blurted out as Phil was cutting the light off and they were climbing into bed.

“Mmm?”

“Why did you never tell me about your science?”

Phil shrugged, turning towards Dan in bed. “I never wanted you to get dragged into it, like some other Phil clearly let happen. I’m sorry I wasn’t completely transparent, though; that’ll change.” Dan opened his mouth to speak, but Phil took notice and cut him off. “We can talk about it in the morning. I’m fucking beat.”

“Wait, one more thing,” Dan said, a smile growing across his face. “You really traveled through space and time after me?”

“I’ll find you in any world,” Phil said, grinning so widely that Dan wanted to smack the smile right off of his face.

“Stupid fucking tropes,” he said, leaning in to give Phil a kiss. “Goodnight, Phil,” he said, moving his lips to Phil’s forehead to give him their traditional goodnight forehead kiss.

Phil smiled much wider than he usually did, allowing his eyes to close as he calmed himself for sleep. “Goodnight, Dan.”

Dan rolled over, smiling to himself. Those were the last words he’d heard from Phil a full week ago before they were separated, so he would have thought they would have stung a bit to hear again. At the very least, Dan thought hearing Phil wish him goodnight would have incited fear, that something like this could happen again. But Dan felt the contrary--as he heard Phil’s goodnight, he felt safe and at peace. After everything they’d been through, they were still together, and Dan truly felt as if they’d be together forever. After all, Phil’s stupid cliche was right: they’d find each other in any world.

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #seven days #phic stuff #dong and ping

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itsmyusualphannie · 4 years

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something wrong in the village

Chapter 2/5: exodus Beta: @candanandphilnot Rating: T Warnings: None Read on ao3

Summary: Fiona Lester has a secret. Dan Howell thinks they hate each other. Dan meets an online friend and comes to realize something important about himself while juggling a changing relationship with his parents, friends, and Fiona.

~~~ previous chapter ~~~ next chapter ~~~

"But Mum!"

"Don't 'But Mum' me!" Dan's mum stood in front of the dining table, fists clenched on her hips like a warrior preparing to charge into battle. "You know what I said yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that!"

Dan slumped in his seat, eyebrows furrowed furiously. His arms were crossed, shoulders hunched as he scowled up at his mum. "I've been planning to go for months! You can't just stop me from going, I have plans!"

"I am not stopping you from going," she barked, "but if you keep on like this, then I will. I said you could go on Sunday and not the entire weekend!" She whirled to her husband, who was sitting demurely as he munched on toast. "Back me up!"

Dan's dad glanced up, gaze flicking between both of their set stances. He sighed. "Dan, just because it's been three weeks since your suspension doesn't mean you're not grounded. I'm sorry, but you should have thought about this before you decided to tussle with a girl. In class, no less."

Dan's mum nodded in approval, but then her eyes narrowed, so he hastily added, "Anyone, I mean. Tussled with anyone."

"Fiona isn't grounded!" Dan burst out, but he shrank back into his seat when his mum's dangerously-slitted gaze swivelled to him.

"You're not going with your friends," she said with an air of finality. "I'll take you up there Sunday morning and you can spend all day there, but you're not staying the entire weekend. That's the day when your favourite band is playing anyway. You'll be home by midnight. And that's my decision. You can either accept it or not go at all."

Dan shoved his half-eaten plate away from him with a clatter, and then he stormed to his room. His lip stung with his effort to stay silent, teeth digging into it. He threw himself down upon his bed once he got there, the surge of fury he'd been maintaining throughout that entire conversation now beginning to fade once he had a few rooms and a slammed door between him and his parents.

This annual weekend festival was the biggest music event of the year, at least for Dan. He had been looking forward to it the instant he'd left last year's festival, head whirling and heart pumping dangerously from the thrill of the drumbeats. He'd planned for months with his friends, their car ride and clothes and snacks sorted down to the last detail. Sure, they weren't all the closest of friends, but they were mates who liked the same sort of music that Dan liked, and that really all that mattered. One of them had an older sister who was going to the festival and she'd offered her car as a ride for the small group of friends, so it had all finally fallen into place.

It was all for nothing, now. Dan couldn't go with them. The comradery of the trip would be meaningless if Dan showed up on the last day of the festival. The others would have already bonded and had fun without him, and Dan doubted that he'd be seamlessly accepted into the group once he'd missed most of the action. Sure, Muse was Dan's favourite band, but they certainly weren't the only band he liked. He'd miss two full days worth of bands and singers.

It was Wednesday, and Dan had been alternating between arguing and pleading for the past week to convince his parents to let him go on Friday. He doubted it would happen now, with only one day between him and the first festival day.

Dan got up and opened his door just to slam it again. His mum's voice rose somewhere in the house, but he flipped the lock and ignored her. He crossed the room and threw himself into his seat at the desk, yanking open his laptop.

It took less than ten seconds to send a quick can't go friday, parents are fucking arses. b there sunday to his mates' group chat, and then he closed it out and resolved to ignore them until the day actually came. A small part of him whispered that maybe, just maybe, they would be glad he wasn't coming. They'd have more fun without him anyway.

Dan opened his browser. With slow fingers, he tapped in a website URL. Before he'd even gotten five characters typed, the browser auto-filled the rest. He had, perhaps, been visiting this website multiple times a day for the past few weeks. It wasn't even a porn website.

It loaded, bright colours immediately assaulting Dan's vision. He blinked away the spots that invaded his sight, mousing over the page to click on the uppermost right corner, a speech bubble that had been revealed after a few mutual messages back and forth with a certain correspondent.

The FRIEND chat function opened. A message was waiting for him, the sender 'amazingphil.' Dan let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and clicked on his chat with Phil.

Agree to disagree, read the message in a bubbly font. or! just agree. think about it: a shiba inu and corgi mix. I'd lose my mind

Dan huffed a laugh without meaning to do so. He hadn't meant to keep talking to this 'Phil,' but he'd been intrigued by the enthusiastic and carefree way the other boy talked. They'd shared many common interests and disagreed on just as many, but both provided topics with which they could converse. Some topics lasted a few days of conversation, while some only a few lines in the chat. Dan had long ago lost his resolve that this was a bot, or that he was simply doing this just to be ironic. He'd never before found it so easy to just...talk to someone.

sure, Dan typed as a response to Phil's message. ngl if i saw a shiba inu/corgi puppy i would die for it

He sent the message, then hastily added, what would the mashup name be tho, shorgi? corgi inu? coriba?

He scrolled back up their chat after sending that one, glancing over their past messages as he went. Dan thought, maybe, if he and Phil ever met, he could probably use some of these as blackmail for eternity.

What's wrong with it? read one of Phil's messages from Monday. it's just easier that way, you don't get crumbs or chocolate all over your fingers

it's HELL. biting into a kitkat without breaking it is just wrong. i don't think i can speak to you anymore

Dan snorted a laugh and shook his head, continuing to go further up through their chat history.

i killed a plant this morning :(

wtf, Dan had replied. This had been last Friday, the first day Dan had begun begging his parents to let him attend the full festival. He hadn't been in the best of moods then, either, but it had at least been better than today.

i didn't mean to! i saw a cute boy and accidentally stepped on a sunflower :((

Dan remembered his hesitation then, his long pause at the open way Phil had typed that. Maybe Phil hadn't found it that easy, maybe he had agonized over the message before sending it. Dan had no way of knowing. Not for the first time since he'd started talking to Phil, Dan had hurt with the desire to see him in person and just talk. He'd replied with a simple wow, disaster

:'( Phil had replied, and that would have been the last message on the topic, but Dan's fingers had suddenly worked faster than his brain and he'd typed disbelievingly, wait, how tf did you step on a sunflower. aren't they fucking massive or summat?

D': it was a baby sunflower!! it's even worse

you're a monster, Dan had typed. His heart had stepped up a few beats as he'd added no more looking at cute boys for you. they're all mine now

nooo that's the only good part of my terrible days, Phil had bewailed, and Dan remembered that he had laughed out of the sheer thrill of it, the casual acceptance of a stranger on the internet.

A ping! sounded from the browser and a tiny alert appeared. New messages! it declared. Scroll down to view them.

Dan scrolled down to view them.

shorgi! Phil had answered Dan's query about the hypothetical mix-breed puppy. no, shinorgi, he'd added a moment later. Even as Dan was reading them, another message popped up. Actually these probably already exist. I'm going to look them up, wiat

wiat, Dan mocked the typo, but he waited. Phil sent a picture a moment later, a beautiful golden-haired puppy with a curling tail. It had a wide smile directed at the camera, eyes bright and intelligent.

I WOULD DIE FOR HIM. WHAT A GOOD BOI, replied Dan instantly, abandoning his aesthetic use of all lowercase spelling.

SAME, Phil enthused.

Dan considered punching his computer or himself, just to get the image of the puppy away from him. Nothing that adorable should exist in this world. Humanity didn't deserve it.

i want to eat him, Phil added.

weirdo, typed Dan, but he knew what Phil meant, and wasn't that the strange thing about all of this? It had been three weeks since they'd started talking, and Dan knew what he meant.

I have to do homework now, popped up another message from Phil. send me some doggo pics to help me through these hard times.

Dan rolled his eyes, but he opened another browser and searched for cute dog pics, and he downloaded them, and he sent them to Phil.

He didn't realize he'd been smiling ever since he'd opened this chat.

~~~

Heat seared the back of Dan's neck as he weaved his way between milling, chattering groups. Music was a dull roar in the background, temporarily drowned out by the loud discussions all around him. The ground thrummed in the beat, beat, beat rhythm of the drums and the crowd's stomps in the Pit Stage.

Dan had just left the Pit Stage. Two of his friends were still there, jostled between screaming fans of The Prettyboys and doing their fair share of jostling as well, but Dan hadn't been feeling the usual buzz that came with listening to furious tunes. It had been just a little too frenzied, so Dan had simple squirmed his way from the heaving, bellowing throng, and made his way outside.

He didn't know where he was headed next. The rest of his friends were in the Dance tent, but Dan had had enough of flailing teenagers doing their best to embody their favourite dancer, so he wasn't going back after the disaster earlier.

"Sorry, sweetie," slurred a pink-haired woman as she bumped into him. Her makeup was sweating under the glare from the sun directly overhead, a more grotesque facsimile of the liquid pooling in Dan's armpits and making its way down his back. The woman disentangled herself with someone's picnic basket on the ground and left Dan, offering him a friendly parting wave and then chugging directly from the flask in her other hand.

Dan swiped ineffectually at the smear of sweat she'd left on his shirt sleeve, but then he gave up and continued on. He would go to the Main Stage, he decided. Muse would start in a little less than an hour and that's where they would be playing, so he might as well.

He'd arrived at the festival only four hours before, his mum dropping him off with a cheerful wave and a "call if your friends can't bring you back tonight!" and then a sterner "and you'd better be home by midnight," but Dan's stamina had worn down quickly. He wasn't sure if it was the lack of time spent throwing himself into every band's time on the different stages, unlike his friends, who had been here since Friday morning, or if it was the suffocating heat, or that he hadn't heard from Phil since yesterday morning. Sure, it had only been one day, but ever since they had started talking, they hadn't missed a day of communication. In any case, Dan's energy had dwindled, his feet ached, his stomach growled, and he wanted to curl up in the shadow of the nearest unused boombox and take a nap.

The grass bristled beneath his feet as he trudged toward the Main Stage. Despite the thousands of people packing it into the dirt beneath their feet, it was stubborn still. A few people had even spread blankets on the grass and were sprawled across them, sunbathing or just resting surrounded by the sparse crowd. Dan was almost jealous, as he could be doing the same if his mum had let him come Friday with the supplies he'd planned, but then, he didn't fully understand the appeal of willingly sacrificing oneself to be roasted beneath the scorching rays when a breeze, albeit a small one, could be obtained by simply walking and flapping his shirt back and forth every-so-often.

The crowds thinned as Dan walked further from the Pit Stage, but began to grow in size again as he neared the Main Stage. He was bumped into with every few steps he took, and while most people weren't as drunkenly apologetic as the previous woman, they let him sidle past.

His phone buzzed as he passed the entrance to the Main Stage. He finagled it from his pocket, wiping sweat on his jeans to swipe at the screen. It was a text from one of his friends to the group chat, asking where everyone was.

Muse in 40 mins! said the message. let's meet at the front b4 we miss good spots.

Dan didn't bother answering, slipping his phone back into his pocket instead. They would find him soon enough, probably.

It wasn't that Dan didn't want to be around his friends, it was that...well, yeah, he didn't want to be around his friends. He had an awful ache gnawing at him, the feeling that his friends were having the time of their lives and Dan was most definitely not having any time of his life. It might have just been that Dan had been looking forward to this for an entire year and the experience wasn't living up to his expectations. Perhaps it was because he hadn't watched Muse perform yet and the experience wouldn't truly begin until then.

An elbow thudded into Dan's side, interrupting his ruminations. He winced and leaned away, willing to let the person go past him and further into the stage area, but he was only jabbed again, and then once more.

"Ow," Dan finally complained, and he turned toward his assailant, and then. He stopped. He blinked. He breathed. "What are you doing here?"

Fiona scoffed at him. "Everyone in fucking England is at the festival right now, either here or in Leeds. As if I wouldn't be."

Dan recoiled, but he couldn't recoil very far. He hit the mass of bodies and came right back to his original position. "But you - " There was absolutely nothing that could have made this day any worse than it already was.

"What are you doing here?" Fiona retorted. Her hair was in a high ponytail, but it was bedraggled, falling in damp strands around her face. Moisture beaded on her forehead and upper lip.

She looked disgusting, Dan decided. "I'm in fucking England too, aren't I?" he snapped. Another biting remark was on the tip of his tongue, but a guitar sang noisily in the distance, interrupting him, and the electric twang brought him back to his surroundings and out of his focus fully directed at Fiona.

"I'm not talking to you," Dan decided. He made to turn his back on her, but the hairy chest of a burly man was right in his eye line, so he turned back toward her and crossed his arms instead. "I'm here to have fun," he announced, even though he had not had any of that all day. "You're just going to ruin it, so kindly piss off."

She looked unimpressed. "As if I want to be talking to you, Hobbit boy. I'm just waiting for my friends to get here."

Dan glared. The insult hit home, making its way right to the curls on Dan's head. "I'm waiting for my friends to get here," he said but regretted it as soon as he said it. Repeating what she said was a useless insult. He fished frantically in his mind for something with a little more bite, but Fiona beat him to it.

"You? Friends?" She laughed heartily, clutching her stomach and throwing her head back.

Dan did not look at the long, pale column of her neck. He did not look at the reddening patches of bare arm where her loose, eye-searingly bright shirt left little protection from the smouldering sun. He definitely did not look at the tiny freckles sprouting on her cheeks, prompted by the heat.

When she finished chortling, Dan pointed out, "Your laugh looks so stupid. You poke your tongue out, like this." He demonstrated grotesquely, biting down on his tongue and crossing his eyes.

Fiona just laughed again. "I do not."

She did.

Dan's phone buzzed again. He scowled at Fiona and pulled it out, accepting the escape. It was just another excited message about Muse from one of his friends, but Dan tapped languorously on his phone for a good few minutes, attempting to appear absorbed. He hoped Fiona would leave.

She didn't.

"Why are you still here?" he finally snapped up at her, shoving his phone back into his pocket with more force than it necessarily warranted.

"I literally just told you, I'm waiting for my friends. Besides, it's clearly annoying you. As if I'd go anywhere else when I could annoy you."

Dan sneered at her. She sneered right back.

They couldn't find much else to say, insults exhausted, for now, so they stood in silence, or whatever could be interpreted as silence with the distant scream of instruments and the loud babble of conversations around them. Dan's phone didn't really interest him, but he pulled it out again anyway, checking for updates about his friends' locations or how close they were from him. The closest of his mates was still a few minutes away, caught up in the straggling edges of the massive crowd centred around the Main Stage.

"You like Muse?" Fiona asked abruptly, and Dan almost jumped. He hadn't forgotten she was there, but he had expected her to respect the mutual silence.

"Yes," he said though, shortly, and opened the Tumblr app. He'd only scrolled through a few posts before he was interrupted again.

"What's your favourite album?"

Dan squinted at her. "Why the fuck do you care? What, are you going to find some way to mock me for it?"

She rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed. "I'm just trying to make conversation, jackass. I'm bored."

"So? We haven't had a conversation in like…" Dan actually had to stop and think about that, "...I dunno, four years. When we talked about how my clothes sucked and then you pantsed me."

Fiona cackled. It was a truly malicious, rolling laugh that made something squirm in Dan's gut. He took it for disgust. It couldn't be anything more. "Ah," she said. "That was funny. You were wearing Winnie the Pooh boxers, I remember. I bet you still have them."

"I don't still have them," lied Dan.

"You do," she assured him. "So what's your favourite album?"

Dan considered answering it, but his suspicions were too great to allow him to freely give away such information. "What's yours?"

"Absolution," she said easily.

Dan did some more consideration and finally, he reluctantly allowed, "Origin of Symmetry."

Fiona nodded slowly, and something hopeful began to sprout in Dan's chest, but it was stifled upon her next words. "Absolution is better."

Dan scoffed and lifted his phone again, ready to continue scrolling, but Fiona added, "But Origin of Symmetry is probably my next favourite. Good taste."

He couldn't help his suspicious glare directed at her. "You're being weird," he finally decided. She was. Their insults were at usual par, but Fiona was acting differently, somehow. Dan couldn't quite put his finger on it. The crinkles around her eyes were less prominent, maybe, or her shoulders might be less tense as she talked to him. Something small seemed to have shifted in her, and Dan wasn't quite sure whether he liked it or not.

Fiona shrugged easily. "'M not being weird," she said. "I'm just relaxed. You can't punch me in a crowd full of people, you'll get tossed out of the festival."

"Neither can you," said Dan.

She waved a flippant hand. "I wouldn’t punch your filthy face anyway, I just did my nails."

Dan couldn't help a disbelieving stare at said nails, but he saw nothing other than the usual chewed cuticles and ragged nails. He would have been truly shocked if she had. Dan had never known her to paint her nails, not once since he'd known her. Makeup didn't seem to interest her either, as Dan had seen her wearing it maybe two or three times. It would be bizarre, he thought, to see her eyelashes as any colour other than their pale golden hue.

Dan wrenched his thoughts from Fiona's eyelashes. What the fuck.

Someone else jostled Dan, squirming past him to sprawl an arm over Fiona's shoulders. He was a little shorter than Fiona, with short red-gold hair and an easy grin that matched Fiona's. "Hey my little dude!" he enthused, rubbing his knuckles over her head and knocking loose another handful of strands to dangle around her face. "Finally found you!"

Fiona shoved him off of her, but a grin had spread across her face at the assault. "Get off, Martyn. Where's Cornelia?"

"She's hauling the cooler. We got beer - " It was at this moment that the man caught sight of Dan watching them, so he hastily corrected himself to " - water, that is," and winked, as if there was literally any liquid other than alcohol or sweat at the festival.

"That's Dan," Fiona said coolly, and made no move to introduce Martyn, but that was fine because Dan already knew her older brother. One couldn't have a mortal enemy without knowing their family members, after all.

"Ah, Dan," said Martyn, and winked again.

"Stop," Fiona complained. She shoved him again. "Go help Cornelia, you nutter."

He left, shouldering his way through the crowd, and Dan barely waited until he was gone before repeating, "Friends," in the same tone that Fiona had used earlier when mocking Dan's friends.

Fiona didn't look intimidated. "Just because they're family doesn't mean they can't be friends, too."

"At least I have actual friends," said Dan, feeling like he was lying once more. This one felt bitter in his mouth, a reminder that he felt utterly alone at this concert. This brief repartee with Fiona was the most alive he had felt in hours.

A shrug. "Whatever floats your tiny little boat," she said. She stood on tiptoe to peer over the people beside her. The gesture only served to remind Dan that, while he stood securely over six feet tall, Fiona was only an inch below him. She towered over most other girls her age, tall and lanky and too clumsy for her own height. It might be considered endearing - if Dan didn’t despise her.

"Ah, there they are," she chirped, evidently catching sight of Martyn and Cornelia. She dropped back down and smirked at Dan. "See you at school tomorrow, Hobbit Howell."

Dan's voice failed him at the worst possible moment, at the time she was finally leaving. He had no witty parting remark, no snappy comeback as she ducked her way between two jostling shirtless guys. He could only watch her leave, mouth gaping uselessly as he floundered for something biting to hurl after her. Nothing came to him, so he had to just stare purposelessly as she vanished from sight.

As if they had been waiting for Dan to be free from the hold of his mortal enemy, two of Dan's friends arrived via a pack of rowdy teenagers, making their way toward Dan. One of his mates reached out and snagged his arm to haul him further inside the Main Stage. "Come on, man, we've got to get a good place before it starts!" he yelled over the growing crescendo of the crowd.

Dan cast one look back over his shoulder where Fiona had disappeared, and then he followed his mates further into the people crushing ever closer to the stage. A crash of cymbals preceded his entrance and the crowd roared a unanimous approval.

Muse was here.

~~~ previous chapter ~~~ next chapter ~~~

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #phanfic au #high school #trans phil #misunderstandings

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lestered · 5 years

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until you come back home summary: it’s 2009, distance sucks, and phil’s probably (definitely) in love.

words: 2234 rating: explicit pairing: dan howell/phil lester tags: 2009, long distance, smut, pining written for @phandomficfests “dates” flash fest

read on ao3

“Dan… Dan, I’m so close, I’m gonna fucking—”

He can’t even finish his sentence; it ends in a choked-out moan as he rubs his own thumb firmly over the tip of his lubed-up cock. He’s really great at getting himself off these days. He has to be—he’s gotta tide himself over somehow while Dan’s not here, which is far more often than he’d like. Dan’s even better at getting him off, he knows that, but he kills the thought of it before it goes too far. The last thing he needs is to start pining while he’s trying to jerk off.

“Mm, I know.” He hears Dan, breathy and quiet and distant, urging him on from 300 miles away. “Do it. Cum for me.” He recognizes the strangled, desperate edge to his voice, and knows that Dan’s close to cumming too. With his eyes closed, he can almost make himself believe that he’s right here with him. Except if that were the case, he’d be fucking Dan’s mouth right now instead of his own hand. Dan’s perfect, perfect mouth—all soft and wet and warm and always so fucking eager to please. He wants it so bad.

He tells him as much. “I wish you could suck me off right now.”

“Fuck.” He hears Dan stifle a groan. “Me too. I want you. So much.”

He’s never gonna get used to that, he reckons—Dan wanting him. Dan, the most wonderful person in the world in every way, actually wanting him, feels too good to be real. That’s another thought he has to kill, before it kills his hard-on first.

He squeezes the base of his cock before he opens his eyes, so that what he has waiting for him doesn’t make him instantly cum on sight. It almost does anyway.

Because Dan’s entire naked body is on display for him, all long and lean and perfect. With his legs spread shamelessly wide, his chest rising and falling fast and unevenly, his head resting against the wall behind him and his eyes half-lidded and his bottom lip caught between his teeth, one hand flying over his cock and the other fisted in his bedsheets.

“You’re so fucking hot.” He murmurs, surprising even himself with how deep and gravelly his voice can get when he’s this turned on. That’s the effect that Dan has on him. Apparently he has that effect on Dan, too, because he lets out a low whine and looks at him pleadingly.

“Fuck, keep going.” Dan tells him, and he pumps his cock slowly a couple times, as if that’ll make him last longer. He can already tell that it won’t, but it was worth a shot. He speeds up again, and Dan sighs in satisfaction. “Yeah, like that. Don’t stop. Wanna watch you cum.”

Phil’s not one to deny Dan anything that he wants, so he stops trying to delay the inevitable. He shuts his eyes again and lets his head fall back against his shoulders and strokes himself the way that he knows he likes best, the way Dan does it, alternating speeds and pressures and an occasional twist. He imagines Dan’s hands and mouth all over him, listens to Dan’s little noises through his laptop speakers and pictures himself fucking them out of him, remembers his tightness and warmth and the way he clings to him, remembers how it feels to hold him close and bury himself deep inside. He feels that familiar heat pooling in the pit of his stomach, feels his balls draw up tight, bites back what would otherwise be an embarrassingly loud moan.

“Fuck, Phil.” Dan whispers. “Fuck. Cum for me. Please.”

That please goes straight to his cock and sends him over the edge and he cums hard, thick white spurts spilling over his fist and onto his lower belly. He strokes himself all the way through it, sloppily, even manages a couple squeezes at the tip to make sure he’s got it all out before he has to fully collapse. His arms fall limply at his sides as his entire body slumps against the wall, and he allows himself a couple moments to bask in the dull, full-body pulsating of the aftershocks before he opens his eyes. Thankfully, just in time to see Dan’s toes curl and his hand movements go jerky and erratic and his lips mouth what looks like a stream of fuck, fuckfuckfuck before he cums too, with a whimper that gets caught in his throat and his eyes fluttering shut.

He waits patiently for Dan to ride it out. It’s one of his favorite sights. He can practically feel it—Dan’s hot, heavy breaths, the way his heart races, the way he shudders in Phil’s arms and the way his chest heaves against his own, the way that he finishes completely limp and boneless. The image in front of him, and even moreso the memory of what it’s like in person, is almost enough to get him hard again. Almost. It’s a good thing he’s not built for that.

They do that thing they always do when Dan comes down from it and opens his eyes—the bashful gazes and tired smiles and that look that says you’re amazing, thanks for making me cum, before they separately go about their hasty cleanup processes. Then, once they both have their bottles of lube stashed away and their soiled tissues chucked in the bin and their pants tugged back on, they settle back down, laptops positioned by their heads while they lay on their sides and snuggle into their respective pillows since they can’t snuggle into each other.

“That was good.” Phil murmurs after a few quiet moments.

Dan snorts, and it’s somehow adorable. “I’d say better than good.” Phil can tell from his tone that he’s still in that faraway, blissed-out, post-orgasm phase, and he feels a tiny surge of pride at having put him in that state. There’s another brief silence before Dan speaks up again, softer this time. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” Phil answers automatically. “So much. All the time.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Obviously.” He raises his eyebrows tiredly. “Is it not obvious?”

“Mm, a bit.” Dan smirks. “Pretty sure I miss you more, though.”

“God, babe. ‘m too tired to play the ‘miss you more’ game.” He groans and stretches his arms out over his head, and when he looks back, Dan’s gaze has gone completely soft. “What?”

“Nothing.” Dan shrugs, and burrows further into his pillow. “I like when you call me babe.”

“I like when you call me babe, too.” Phil sighs. “It makes this whole thing feel more real.”

Dan furrows his brow, a cute little wrinkle forming in the middle of his forehead. “What d’you mean, more real?”

He bites his lip, drawing in a sharp breath through his nose. “I dunno how to explain it. I guess you just feel too good to be true, sometimes. Or at least, you liking me feels too good to be true. Especially when you’re so far away. It’s easy to convince myself that you’re just, like, something I dreamed up as some kind of coping mechanism for being stuck here, alone at my parents’ house with no direction or idea whatsoever for what I’m supposed to do with the rest of my life.”

It’s meant as a joke, but the way Dan’s expression changes tells him that maybe he’s gotten a bit too real with it. “I’m real.” Dan whispers. “Promise. Besides, if one of us is too good to be true, it’s definitely you.”

Coming from anyone else, it’d sound like just another line, but the sincerity in Dan’s eyes lets him know that he really believes it. He loves Dan’s eyes. His pretty brown eyes, so soft and expressive, so warm and beautiful, just like everything else about him. His shitty webcam doesn’t do them any justice, but looking into them right now, he still feels like his heart could absolutely burst.

This is when skyping with Dan gets really hard. He’d thought it was hard back before they’d even met. He’d thought that the hard part was the anticipation of meeting him, the not knowing if Dan felt the same way as Phil did about him, the uncertainty of what they were going to be. Turns out, that was the easy part. The hard part is knowing, now, that Dan wants him. The hard part is knowing how it feels to look into Dan’s eyes in person, knowing how warm his skin is, how silky-smooth his hair feels when he runs his fingers through it, how his lips taste. The hard part is knowing how big and strong his hands are, how amazing he is in bed, what his moans really sound like when he doesn’t have to worry about waking his family up at 4am. The hard part is knowing how safe he feels when they hold each other. The hard part is knowing all of that, and most of the time, not being able to have it.

(The absolute hardest part is knowing that he’s in love, and that he has no idea how or when to say it, but that he can’t possibly say it over a skype call, but he also doesn’t know if he can hold it in much longer.)

“Phil?” Dan’s voice brings him back to reality.

“Right.” He clears his throat a bit. “Sorry.”

Dan pulls his blanket up a bit further over his shoulders and yawns. “You ok?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” He assures him, and shimmies further under his own covers as well. “Just thinking about you. I can’t wait for you to get here.”

Dan smiles, and it reaches his eyes, and Phil feels a very distinct warmth blooming in his chest. Dan smiles a lot, but it’s not always real. He likes making him smile for real. Dan deserves all the happiness and love and everything good in the world, and Phil probably can’t give it all to him, as much as he wants to. But he can at least make him smile.

“I can’t wait either.” He sighs. “One more week.”

“One more week.” Phil repeats. It won’t be as good as spending Christmas with Dan, but he supposes that the days leading up to it will be the next best thing. “It’s supposed to snow, like, a ton. It’ll be pretty.”

“And good for filming Christmas Adventure.” Dan points out.

“That too.” Phil goes quiet again. He knows Dan doesn’t really mind, which is nice. Dan’s one of the very few people that he feels comfortable just sitting in silence with. Fuck, he misses him. Dan’s not even here yet, and Phil’s already thinking about how much it’s gonna hurt to see him leave again. “I kinda hate this.” He mumbles.

Dan seems to read his mind. “The distance?”

Phil nods, and Dan sighs. “Yeah. Me too.”

Now more than ever, he wants to tell Dan that he loves him. He’ll do it this time, he tells himself. When Dan’s here, he’ll tell him. In person. He’ll kiss him and tell him he loves him and pray his heart out that Dan says he loves him too. Something about the way Dan’s looking at him right now tells him that he maybe shouldn’t worry too much about that. But he will anyway.

“It won’t be like this forever.” Is what he says instead. “We’ll be in the same city someday, and then we’ll go on dates all the time, and they’ll be way better than this.”

There’s a glint of amusement in Dan’s eyes. “Oh this is a date, is it?” He asks.

“Isn’t it?” Phil smirks. “What’s a date? Food, sex, talking? We did the sex, we’re doing the talking. You watched me eat half a bag of Haribo earlier. I’d call it a date.”

Dan just laughs, and it turns into another yawn. “You’re an idiot. You’re lucky I like you so much.”

“I like you too.” Phil whispers. “You’re getting sleepy.”

“Yeah.” Dan mumbles, and rubs one of his eyes. “But I wanna keep talking to you.”

He sighs. “I wanna keep talking to you, too. But you’ve got work tomorrow. You don’t wanna be all tired and cranky.”

Dan rolls his eyes before he shuts them. “You make me sound like a fussy toddler.”

“Shh. I already feel old compared to you.”

Dan smirks, and manages to crack one eye open. “Rude. I should be making you feel young again.”

“You do, actually.” Phil says quietly, and Dan’s eye slips shut again. Dan does make him feel young. It’s something about falling in love for the first time. He stares at the screen for a little bit longer, sees Dan’s breaths begin to even out. “Goodnight, Dan.” He whispers.

He’s almost about to close his laptop when he hears Dan’s soft, sleepy voice on the other end. “Stay online, please?”

Phil smiles and nods, even though Dan can’t see. He settles down fully into his bed and turns down the brightness on his screen. I love you is on the tip of his tongue again, but he knows he’ll say it later, at a better time, in a better way.

“Okay.” He whispers instead, and closes his eyes, and lets himself be lulled to sleep by the sound of Dan’s soft, steady breathing.

#phanfiction #phanfic #this is uhhh #the first fic i've written since 2013 so #i'm very sorry #*#fics

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jestbee · 6 years

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Ships that pass in the night (Chapter Seventeen)

Title: Ships that Pass in the Night (Chapter Sixteen)

Tags: Alternate Timeline, AU, Slow burn, strangers to friends, friends to lovers Words: 5k Summary: Dan and Phil are YouTubers. The catch? They’ve never met, and Phil doesn’t want them to

Author’s Note: So this could be the final chapter. The story is pretty much wrapped up but I'm going to do a final epilogue chapter with a little smut and some general fluffy bits set a little ways in the future, but if that isn't your thing you don't need to read it in order to get the story. It won't have any more like 'plot' points. Thank you for sticking with me, thank you for voting for this in the 'Universe Augmentation' Phanfic Award 2017 that it won!!

[AO3 Link] [Tumblr Masterpost]

He rings his mum on the way back. He feels more awake than he has done for a while and he still has all of the Charlie stuff in his head which means there are now so many things he needs to do, so many things he needs to face up to that he might not be ready for. The least he can do is keep his promise to call.

"Child," she says, customarily.

"Hi mum."

"You sound like you're outside, are you outside?"

"I'm on my way back from seeing PJ," he says, "I told you I would."

There's a clinking sound on the other end and he can imagine her sat at their kitchen table with a warm mug in her hands. He suddenly has a pang of homesickness he wasn't ready for. At times like these it would be nice to have his mum, to give her a hug and make everything else go away like he had when he was little. But his mum can't fight his battles for him anymore, she can't stand up against the demons in his own head, only he can do that.

"Oh Phil. I'm glad."

He hums into the phone and pauses at the top of the stairs to the underground because he'll lose signal if he goes down.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" She asks. Always so careful, always tiptoeing around the conversation. He hates that she needs to do that.

He sighs, mostly to himself.

"It's… complicated."

"Of course it is. I wouldn't expect you to get mixed up over something that wasn't. I know you have… you feel things strongly, but you're not one for getting worked up over nothing."

He bites his bottom lip because that makes something heavy rise in his throat.

"Thanks mum."

"Are you sure you don't want to come home?"

"No… no I think I need to talk to… well, to Dan."

"Dan."

"Yes."

"I see…" she pauses, just for a second, but he hears it. "Well it's good you have a friend."

"Mum."

She knows better than that. She must. But she's giving him room for denial, which is nice. But also another one of those things he wishes she didn't have to do.

She hums down the phone. "I know love, just… be careful."

"I am."

Be careful he isn't the same. Be careful you don't react the same way. Be careful. Be careful. He's been careful, perhaps too careful given how things have worked out. Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith. Like replying to a tweet, or grabbing a coffee, or saying yes to a project. If he doesn't, if he keeps playing it safe and secluded over and over he'll look back and he and Dan will have passed by each other. Like ships that pass in the night he will be merely a story of something that once happened to Phil a long time ago. And Phil isn't sure he wants go settle for that anymore.

"I've got to go," he says, "I…"

"Do what you have to, love."

He says goodbye and finally hangs up. He heads into the underground, shoulders squared and feeling lighter than he has in days. He has hope, buoyant and beautiful hope.

The idea comes to him when he's finally checking his emails. There's one from a radio producer at the BBC finalising his booking to appear on the radio show. Dan's radio show.

It isn't ideal, and of course he doesn't expect everything to be fixed at Dan's workplace but it's a first step. A show of willing.

He responds with his confirmation and that's that.

The BBC building is all glass. It reflects the sun and the revolving door moves too fast so that he almost gets stuck in it but the lobby is cool and echoing and the visitor badge around his neck makes him feel a little important.

He's amazed that the nerves don't get to him until he's in the lift. He's been riding the adrenaline before this, but it wears out once he follows the girl with the short spiky ponytail down the corridor. They go through a room filled with mismatched sofas and then a sound room with amps he recognises as the live lounge and then they're there. In front of a desk that has hundreds of buttons and dials and lights, engineers in headphones moving them in unison and then--

Dan. On the other side. Head dipped low over his laptop, fringe swinging into his eyes. It takes everything in Phil not to rush through the people, pole vault over the complicated desk, stand amidst the strange array of drawings and posters and celebrity face masks and say-- what?

Something Phil. Think. How has he got this far without knowing what he's going to say?

"Howell," the woman is saying. "Your guest is here."

Dan looks up, slightly confused for a second before their eyes lock. Phil sees the back of his jaw clench, the way his lips purse slightly throwing an annoyed dimple into relief on his cheek.

"Thanks Ros," he says. "I've got it."

Dan comes around the desk. Expertly dodging cables Phil knows he's going to trip on and finally they're face to face. He doesn't look mad, he doesn't look much of anything. His face, the one Phil has grown to know so well, is shockingly blank.

"I didn't think you'd come," Dan says.

"I... " Phil starts, but he still has no idea what to say.

"Come on," Dan says, moving past him but making sure they don't touch. Phil aches. "We've got a half hour, I know where we can get… snacks."

He doesn't say coffee. Phil doesn't get coffee with Dan anymore. That makes him much sadder than it has any right to for something so small.

If he's going to feel this way about anything it should be the way Dan avoids his eyes, or how they walk with a considerable distance between them in the corridors. How everything is different. How much he misses how it used to be. How he doesn't know how to bring up everything that's happened. Where does he even start?

Dan brings them to a vending machine tucked into the corner of a dim grey room, a sofa shoved against a wall and a table with music magazines spread on top of it. There's a coffee machine and a sink but the room looks less polished and modern than the rest of the building.

Dan faces the vending machine and looks at it with a knot in the middle of his brows. His eyes are hard and Phil thinks that the expression is probably for him, rather than the snacks within.

"So… how have you been?"

Dan cocks his head and doesn't meet his eyes. "Fine."

"Good. That's… good.

Phil swallows and feels his tongue thick and cumbersome in his mouth, he can barely speak around how dry his lips feel, how alien the sounds fit behind his teeth.

"I didn't think you'd come," Dan says.

He sounds sad. Phil hates that he sounds sad.

"I… wanted to." it's all he can think to say. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Ha!"

"What?"

"Now you want to talk?" Dan turns, shifting on his heel until he's facing Phil. He looks mad. "You don't just get to pick and choose when you want to talk to me and when you don't. I deserve better than that."

Phil looks down at his shoes, fighting the urge to run away and escape the conversation. He needs to stay, he needs to get some of this out or it will eat at him.

"I know," he says to his Vans, "You do. I just… I didn't--"

He stops, because despite everything he still doesn't know where to start.

Dan sighs and Phil can hear the frustration in it.

"I spoke to Tyler. And Cat. They told me what they said…"

Phil looks up and Dan is staring at him hard.

"You know it's all bullshit, right? They said some shit to me about you ages ago, when I wouldn't stop going on about you." Dan looks sheepish at this. "It was just some dumb joke about hooking up with you for views and… honestly, it never really crossed my mind afterwards. I forgot they even said it once I actually... I should have told them to fuck off when they said it but it was so ludicrous to me that I would even meet you that I… you know… just forgot."

Phil nods, quick and jerky.

"Okay, yeah, I'm stupid I didn't… I'm not sure I ever really…" he lets his shoulders drop from where they've been drawn up, letting the relief flood through him.

He'd pretty much decided that in light of everything that Dan has said to Charlie, how he defended him to his own detriment, that even if Dan had started out wanting to spend time with him for some sort of popularity gain, his feelings must have changed a little. Despite that, it's still nice to hear Dan say out loud that it wasn't like that at all. And Phil can let himself believe it, for once.

"You were right," he says finally, "I was just scared. I don't think I ever really believed it."

Dan bites his bottom lip, chewing a bit on it, the pink flesh turning white. "Last time we spoke you were convinced. What changed your mind, Phil? Why are you here?"

Phil blows out air, makes space for what comes next in his body, like deflating.

"I think I owe you an explanation. For… well, for everything."

Dan's brows lift a little at that, like he's surprised.

"I know," Phil says, forcing a bit of a laugh overtop of his awkwardness, "I don't… I'm not good at doing that. But I want to be… when it comes to you. With you I want to be better."

Dan nods, just once and then beckons him to follow as he makes his way over to the small, beat up couch. He flops down onto it and Phil follows suit, perching on the opposite cushion, suspended and uncomfortable.

"Take your time," Dan says, with far more patience than he has any right to have at this moment.

Phil shakes his head, he had no idea how Dan is like this, how he isn't screaming at Phil to just get on with it. But there he is, all restrained and not pushing him, sitting, waiting, calm and collected. It makes everything crazily zipping around Phil's chest calm, like a flock of birds haphazardly flapping come to a stop, settling in rows.

"So… PJ showed me… um, the things. On Twitter."

"On Twitter?"

Phil nods a little. "Hm, Ch-charlie. The… stuff he's been saying."

"Oh." Dan's mouth purses a little, going tight at the corners. His nostril flare, just ever so slightly. He doesn't look happy. "I didn't realise you didn't know about that."

"I blocked him ages ago."

Phil puts one hand in the other in his lap, squeezing fingers around his palm. He fidgets, nervously. This is difficult, moreso than he'd thought it would be.

"I… I'm not used to talking about this," he says, "I haven't. Not since…"

Dan reaches over and Phil watches his slide his fingers overtop of his, stilling them where he's squeezing over and over. Phil marvels at him, he has every right to stay mad at him, but here he is offering comfort like he always does.

"You don't have to," he whispers.

"I do," Phil insists, not knowing what to do with all of Dan's wonderful patience. "I do. I... "

Phil shifts, turns in his seat until his body is angled towards Dan's. Dan doesn't move his hand, just slips his fingers between Phil's so that they're holding hands. It's a small thing, but it's enough to ground him.

"I had anxiety issues long before I met him," he starts, "I won't credit him with being the be-all-and-end-all of my issues. He doesn't get to claim that."

Dan swipes his thumb over Phil's knuckles. Phil looks down, stunned by the small gesture against his skin, focussing on that instead of on the way his hand is shaking under Dan's palm.

"But I thought I’d found someone who loved me in spite of those issues," Phil croaks, his voice cracking over the words, caught around something in his throat pushing upwards."I thought… It's so stupid, I thought he realised they were a part of me and loved me anyway. But… that's not… he didn't. It's too much. I can understand why."

"I can't," Dan says, "I can't understand that at all. You are not your issues, Phil, but they are a part of who you are. You don't need to be loved in spite of them, you should be loved because of them, including them, because you feel things deeply doesn't mean you're damaged."

Phil looks up, into Dan's serious, sincere expression and he wants to tell him just how much that means, what it is to have someone like Dan telling him these things. How desperately he wants to believe them but how that tiny voice in his head reminds him that they can't possibly be true, or that Dan means them now but won't once he finally sees… once he knows the full extent.

"I think if I’d had someone say that back then… Or had someone who asked me how I am before going into parties or acknowledging when my head gets loud… things might have ended up differently."

"I wish I'd known you then."

Phil closes his eyes and concentrates on Dan's thumb going back and forth over his hand.

"Me too."

"I did…" Dan says, "A bit. I was… well, I was watching your videos at least."

Phil sighs, a little groan escaping him as he thinks of what Dan must have seen, of how it all went down out there in public. How can Dan be sat here now if he saw everything?

"You…"

"I'd like to hear your side of it," Dan says, guessing what it is that is tormenting him. "I never… there was always more to it."

"There was." Phil's voice is tiny, shoved inside of him in that place where he keeps everything. It's cracking open, like something pressured finally released. "He played my insecurities. He… He knew. I told him what I felt like sometimes and he used that to keep me secluded and in the dark about everything that was going on. He said he was trying to push me, to get me to face up to things, but he just didn’t care."

"He was always so... "

"Public," Phil supplies. "Everything was out in the open, and I was just never… comfortable with that. I want to keep it between us, it was personal, you know? Our relationship. But he was so intent on...parading it everywhere."

"I think we all know why."

Phil nods. "Exactly. He used me, Dan. He put our relationship everywhere so that he could be associated with me. I wasn't even… I didn't have like, loads of subscribers then but… YouTube was different. I knew alot of people, we were friends… Charlie never really fit in with all of that. I think there are some people that just shouldn't be online, like in the public space… he's one of them. But he wanted it so much, more than anything else, and he used me to... to…"

Dan slides a little, shuffling up next to him, pressing their hips together. Their hands are still clasped but he's close now. So close Phil can smell the scent of his cologne.

"I just wanted to keep it private," Phil says again, "I didn't know… I was confused. About like, boys and not being straight and navigating the whole… comment section wanting to know my business. You know? But he… he didn't want that."

"Phil…"

"He wanted me to be different," Phil says, his voice a little thick but he's holding on. The warmth from Dan is helping, the rhythmic back and forth of his thumb on his knuckles and the press of his body against his side. This is comfort. This is what he's needed. It hurts, to let it out, to put forth something he's been keeping hidden for all this time. Fear that he wouldn't be understood. "When I didn't want to go along with it, when I had… bad days He thought I could just snap out of it and when I couldn’t he decided I wasn’t worth it, even if it did mean good things for his channel. In the end… he got what he wanted and then moved on."

"I remember… it was just as I started YouTube," Dan says, "I'd been tweeting you alot by then."

Phil nods. "I know that now. I wish… God I wish it had been different. That I'd have seen that or something. But… there was a lot of other stuff going on. I might have seen it, I like to think I'd have seen it. If... you know, everything else hadn't been happening"

"You split up with him."

"Did I?" Phil asks, "That definitely the way he tells it. He spun the story of the victim, like I’d strung him along and was some pompous stuck up big youtuber that hated everyone. He made out like he was the one that had wanted to keep it quiet, but that I'd wanted to… that I made him put it all out in the open. I can't even remember anymore, whether it was me or him. I like to think I did do it, that I did finally break free… but I don't really know."

Phil runs a hand through his hair, dragged his fingers out from between Dan's and standing up. He paces, back and forth in front of the couch, needing to move, to work of some of the rising shake he can feel. It rattles in his chest, his heart beating, pulse pounding in his ears.

"He honestly made it seem like he was the victim, the things he said… the… it was... " he breath in, quick and hard and he squeezes his eyes shuts because he's starting to panic. He can feel it. He has to do this, he has to push through.

Dan rises to his feet, catches his as he walks by, pulling and tugging until Phil is cradled against his chest. His face buried in Dan's shoulder, Dan's large hand smoothing up and down his back.

He feels pathetic. It's just a breakup, something people go through every day. But he knows that his anxiety means his reacts differently, he's heard people tell him time and time again that his reaction is valid. Because Charlie had essentially fucked with his entire career, his whole life, all of his friends. So many of them believed him, he lost a lot of people. But it's hard for Phil to rationalise that when he's feeling small and silly and like he's overacting even though he can't help the way his breath comes in spurts, all bound up in his lungs, sporadic and laboured.

"It's okay…" he says, low in his ear. "I've got you. I know… I saw… it's okay. It's over."

"It was easier to go along with it," Phil sobs, "because then at least I wouldn’t get hurt. At least then… by then I just wanted it over. I didn't want YouTube or anything. It was a really… a really…"

"Shhh," Dan soothes. He flutters a hand to Phil's cheek, lifting to press their foreheads together. "It's okay."

"It was a bad time. I… didn't come out of it very well."

"You disappeared," Dan says. "For a little while."

Phil reaches out, folds his arms around Dan's waist and pulls him close, liking the nearness of him, the familiar shape of him, when he feels like this. His heartbeat is slowing, a little, bit by bit.

"I wanted to quit completely. Some stuff… happened."

"Do you want to…"

"Yes," Phil insists. "I want to tell you all of it. I don't want anything… all of it. I need you to know."

Dan pauses, runs his thumb across Phil's cheekbone. "Can I kiss you? I want to… but not if you're… I don't want to make it worse."

Phil nods, leans forward, bring their mouths together. It's fleeting, a tiny fluttery thing across Phil's lips. He feels himself reset a little. Dan isn't magic, he can't kiss away Phil's panic attack but it does give Phil something to focus on, and it's reassuring to know that Dan is still here. After all of this, after hearing most of it, he's still here.

"When you're ready," Dan says.

"I just… it was stupid. It sounds a lot worse than it was." He pulls away a little bit, needing space to tell his story. Dan lets him go. "I just had some bad days right after. I tried to stay off Twitter and away from what everyone was saying but… it was harder than I thought it would be. I just… went to bed. Honestly, that's all it was I was just so tired of everything, it felt like the world was too bright and too loud and wherever I went there was just… noise. People attacking me. So I went to bed. For about a week."

Dan nods, clearly a little perplexed.

"I didn't eat," Phil clarifies, "I barely drank water I got… I went to bed but I didn't sleep. I was dehydrated and exhausted and having a kind of extended panic attack. Eventually my parents got too worried and ended up taking me to A & E. I guess I was pretty out of it because they admitted me, just a for a little bit while they gave me some fluids and stuff. I wasn't like… crazy or suicidal or… you know, I was… lucky. But it wasn't… good."

"Phil…" Dan says, reaching for him again before deciding not to. "Sorry. God, I'm so sorry that happened to you… I… it's so stupid but I wish I'd been around to… Have you been… since we… I mean... "

"A bit," Phil nods. He isn't going to lie to Dan now. "But I have… while I was at the hospital they had people I talked to. I learned, some stuff. I'm not always the best at remembering but I have… like PJ and my mum and stuff. They know. So they're good about…"

"Would… Could I…" Dan tips his head a little to the side, "I want to help. I want to be there for you like that."

"You're already really great at it," Phil says, "You don't need to do any more than you already do. I don't want to be like a… full time job for people. I don't want you to be... "

"I want to," Dan says, simply.

Phil just looks at him for a moment, shaking his head. "Where did you come from Dan Howell?"

Dan smiles, a bit, Phil watches it unfolding on his face the way that it does, lighting it up until he's glowing.

"Nowhere special."

Phil can't believe that.

"I was… after the hospital I had all these systems in place to function. They weren't the healthiest and I'm sure the people I talked to there wouldn't have recommended them as they mostly entailed keeping everyone and everything at arm's length but… it meant I could rejoin the world a little bit. I could exist in it anyway. I could make videos and talk to my audience, as long as it was all on my terms, as long as I didn't interact too much."

Phil shrugs a tiny smile of his own appearing. He feels a little lighter, and his heart rate is back to normal. He can feel it all like a weight lifted off his chest, he can breathe again.

"Then you came along. And… I couldn't… I tried. God, I tried. But you were something else, Dan. I couldn't help myself. It just got, messy. Because I didn't… I still don't… know how to deal with all of this like a grown up. I'm not… equipped to deal with how I feel about you."

"And how do you feel about me?" Dan asks.

"Dan…"

"It was real, Phil. I don't care what Charlie says, or what the stupid voice in your head has to say. It was real."

"I know. I was happy."

"Me too. You have no idea how happy I was. Can't we just be happy, Phil? Please?"

He wishes it were that simple. He wishes they could just draw a line under everything and go back to how things were before, but it would never be that easy. It can't be.

"There will always be Twitter, and viewers, and people shipping. I'm never going to want to put it all out there, I'm always going to want to… hide."

Dan shakes his head and for a terrifying moment Phil knows that this is it, this is the moment that Dan walks away. He wouldn't blame him.

"Phil, I'll never fucking Tweet again if that's what you want. You think any of that matters to me more than you do?"

"Don't be absurd."

"Okay, okay. That's extreme… but the sentiment is the same. Phil… I don't want people all up in my business either. If you don't want me to mention you at all, or if as far as the world is concerned we're just best friends, then that's fine with me. I mean, if that was all you actually ever wanted from me, I'd be fine with that too. I just care about you. Alot. I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either," Phil says, "And I don't want you to have to like, lie. I just… If we were going to… I want to keep it to us."

"I understand that, and I… I never want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

"I'm probably never going to be okay," Phil warns, "I'll always be… like this."

"Phil," Dan moves towards him, folding his arms around Phil's waist and pulling him close once again. He's been in and out of Dan's space today but he slides his hands up Dan's arms, over the curve of his bicep and on to his shoulders. He feels settled here, safe. "I don't want you to be anyone you're not. I only… I mean, I just hope that you talk to me. Just… I want to be there for you."

"And if it gets too much for you?"

Dan shakes his head. "I promise I'll talk to you too. I'll tell you when I need space, and you tell me when you need help, or you need space too. Can… I don't want to push you. I really want this to work. But I think… it'll probably only work if we actually talk to each other about this stuff. Not talking is what got us in trouble in the first place. Can you do that? Do you think it's… is that okay?"

It's scary. The prospect of staying this open. Of leaving this place and not closing down that piece of him again, not crawling in to his bed and saying goodbye to world, but remaining a part of it. This is what it means, to care for someone the way he does Dan, to let them in, to be vulnerable. Dan's eyes are warm and they don't demand an answer, Phil knows he could step out of Dan's arms right now and Dan would let him go. He doesn't want to.

"It's okay,I can do that." Phil says. "You know… no one has wanted me for me before."

"I do," Dan say.

"Yeah," Phil nods, "I think… I know. I believe it."

He huffs out a laugh, incredulous at himself. He does. He really believes it.

"I want you too," he says to Dan. "Let's just be happy."

"Okay," Dan smiles and leans in, only half way, waiting for Phil. "Let's be happy."

Phil lets the world shift a bit to accommodate the new way of things, feels the himself smile and lean in, meeting him in the middle.

Dan's lips are soft and welcoming. Phil sighs into his mouth and Dan lets his tongue flick out against the join of his lips. He parts to let him in, tipping his head and moving closer, lifting a hand up to the back of Dan's neck, holding him there. He can feel the way Dan's hand presses against the base of his spine, the warmth of his broad palm seeping through his shirt.

There is a vibration on Phil's hip and they part, Dan laughing.

"Shit," he says, "It's my phone."

"Anyone important?"

"Fuck, Phil! The show! We forgot about the show."

Phil's eyes go wide. He'd been so busy baring his soul that he'd forgotten they were there to do the radio show.

"We have to get upstairs, I mean we have time but they're… we have to go now. I'm sorry."

Phil laughs, "That's okay."

"Will you… after the show. Come back to mine?"

Phil nods. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"I'm glad I met you," Dan says, moving toward the door. "You know, finally. It was getting a little ridiculous that we kept nearly-meeting."

Phil follows him out of the door. "I'm glad too," he says, "but… what if we hadn't?"

Dan holds his hand out and Phil doesn't hesitate to take it, slipping his fingers in between Dan's as they walk the halls. He does drop it as they enter the studio, but they share a warm fond look as he does and Phil knows Dan is okay with him wanting to keep it just to them. He won't push Phil past the point that he's comfortable with. He doesn't know if it will always be that way, but it's what he needs for now.

"I wouldn't have let that happen," Dan says as they get ready to go on air, "I'd have met you eventually."

"Yeah?" Phil says, "We wouldn't just have been ships passing in the night forever?"

"Definitely not," Dan says, "It would have happened. At some point."

And somehow, Phil believes him.

#phanfic #phanfic au #phan #dnp #dan and phil #phanfiction #my fics #fanfic #fanfiction #ships that pass in the night

68 notes · View notes

lesbianbruabba · 6 years

Note

all of them!

Anon you are trying to kill me but also like..thank you

1: Full name

I’m not stupid, I’m not putting my full real name out. lol

2: Age

Eighteen

3: 3 Fears

Being rejected, depression consuming my life, going deaf or blind

4: 3 things I love

My brother, my friends, music

5: 4 turns on

Gentle caresses, dirty talk, teasing, kink stuff

6: 4 turns off

Uhhh. Pedophilia, scat, incest, racial degradation? I’m going for the most hardcore bad stuff lol

7: My best friend

I have a lot but for simplicity’s sake my bestest is @lettiehigh

8: Sexual orientation

Bisexual

9: My best first date

Lol

10: How tall am I

5′2. correct question is how short am I

11: What do I miss

Special ham sandwiches

12: What time were I born

I don’t fucking know

13: Favourite color

Pink

14: Do I have a crush

I have multiple.

15: Favourite quote

“They don’t sell cheese at the jewelry store” - my husband Felony Steve

16: Favourite place

My bedroom

17: Favourite food

Chicken nuggets from a hong kong mcdonald’s. They taste like shit in scotland

18: Do I use sarcasm

Sometimes but I’m not that good at it

19: What am I listening to right now

No More Time - Flor

20: First thing I notice in new person

Eyes

21: Shoe size

6.5

22: Eye color

Dark brown/black

23: Hair color

Dark brown/black. it’s gotten darker over the last few years

24: Favourite style of clothing

Frilly or bondage-y. Sometimes both at once

25: Ever done a prank call?

Nope

27: Meaning behind my URL

RPDR fic pen name

28: Favourite movie

RENT

29: Favourite song

Right now it’s Felony Reunion by Felony Steve

30: Favourite band

Waterparks, flor, All Time Low, Fall Out Boy, you can’t make me pick

31: How I feel right now

Lorny

32: Someone I love

My baby brother

33: My current relationship status

Single

34: My relationship with my parents

Rocky but overall it’s fine. It’s like an ongoing negotiation but I know they love me really.

35: Favourite holiday

I went to England when I was 14 with my school.

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

None

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

Nipple piercings, I want a hip tattoo on my right hip because I haven’t self-harmed there and it’s a bit of a ‘sacred space’ now. someday I want a lyric tattoo, a flower tattoo (roses pls) and a watercolor one. I follow so many tattoo instagrams and they all look so pretty

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

At the very very beginning to make an aesthetic pastel blog. Got into roleplaying for a couple of years, made some good friends, some sad things happened, moved onto rpdr fic, evolved into the mess it is now

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

what ex

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

Good morning snaps from my brother and copyright from @samrull

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

Nope

42: When did I last hold hands?

Not a thing I’ve done in a long time?

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

Depends on whether I do makeup or not. 10 minutes if I don’t have to, 20-30 if I do.

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

Nope. I don’t shave unless there’s a special event.

45: Where am I right now?

My bedroom in Edi

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

I don’t drink :)

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

reasonable level most of the time. Unless I am feeling particularly apathetic/anhedonic/depressed

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

Back in Hong kong yes

49: Am I excited for anything?

Dan and Phil show, possible trip to Copenhagen, possibly seeing flor, doing fashion design or Danish at uni next year, improving my fluency in languages, my brother visiting Edi, going home and seeing all my friends, going home and seeing my teachers I miss them so much oh my god, possibly seeing one of my crushes again!!

Oh and I’m going to a convention on sunday so that’s pretty great too!

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

Yeah my brother we’re a bit too open

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

depends on how often I leave my room/spend time in others’ company that I’m not comfortable with.

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

Tuesday at 7:30 pm

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

Cool, thumbs up dude. he kisses well

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

Yeah probably. lbr I trust people too easily

55: What is something I disliked about today?

I didn’t move from my bed much. but! I got a lot of drawing done and I studied some Polish so that’s a win. fuck you for making me think negatively :)

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

there’s this girl in denmark i owe a very long apology to. her. and maybe her cat.

57: What do I think about most?

My crushes, analyzing whether I have a pattern/type of crush, random etymologies, whether Russian is harder than Polish or I have a warped bias, whether my friends care about me or am I overestimating my place in their hearts

58: What’s my strangest talent?

I can say thank you in like 15 languages that counts right?

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

The wolf from little red riding hood

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

In front bc I am shite at taking photos

61: What was the last lie I told?

my meds are making me better

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Video chatting oh my god

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I sometimes hope ghosts exist. idk about aliens

64: Do I believe in magic?

65: Do I believe in luck?

yes

66: What’s the weather like right now?

Not that bad for scotland tbh but chilly for late April

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

Essentials of Polish verbs and grammar or something. google it

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

no???? who tf likes that what the fuck

69: Do I have any nicknames?

This one friend I used to have called me Christababe. Also people at school called me Lily

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

Self harm cut from a few weeks ago. Got infected (it’s fine now)

71: Do I spend money or save it?

Depends

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

With a tongue sure but not my own lmao

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?

Yes a lot of it because my closet is next to my bed :)

74: Favourite animal?

Unicorn

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

Eating ice cream and surfing the drag race reddit

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

I don’t know???? Johnson?

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

The Middle - Jimmy Eat World

78: How can you win my heart?

Don’t manipulate me.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

Married to Felony Steve

80: What is my favorite word?

Felony

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

Like my faves? @rippling-waves @samrull @lettiehigh @veronicasanders @lecafenoirx

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

Listen to Waterparks they have the best music. -dabs-

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

Nope

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

Fluency in all languages

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

“are you in love with me”. if asked by certain people. alternatively “do you like girls” asked by other certain people.

86: What is my current desktop picture?

DDLC fanart

87: Had sex?

No but close

88: Bought condoms?

No but I have one from the Hive from a fresher’s package

89: Gotten pregnant?

no dear lord

90: Failed a class?

Nope and I hope not

91: Kissed a boy?

Yes

92: Kissed a girl?

No, I wish

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

94: Had job?

Yes, barista and factory worker

95: Left the house without my wallet?

Yes

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

Kind of? Not really? It was more of an argument but we’re friends now. I was a stupid thirteen year old

97: Had sex in public?

98: Played on a sports team?

Lol, tell another one

99: Smoked weed?

100: Did drugs?

No, will not

101: Smoked cigarettes?

No, I hate smoking

102: Drank alcohol?

I had a few sips of white wine that were absolutely DISGUSTING

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

104: Been overweight?

Currently am

105: Been underweight?

I wish

106: Been to a wedding?

Yeah of distant relatives and teachers

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

Try 14

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

I don’t watch TV, There’s no tv in my student hall and back home the TV is only for news

109: Been outside my home country?

Yep too many times tbh

110: Gotten my heart broken?

Unrequited love-wise yes

111: Been to a professional sports game?

Yes and spent the whole time reading (I was a kid and my mum couldn’t/didn’t find someone to babysit)

112: Broken a bone?

No, thank god

113: Cut myself?

Yes, trying to quit it

114: Been to prom?

Yep and I sang on stage too!

115: Been in airplane?

Yep

116: Fly by helicopter?

No and not interested tbh

117: What concerts have I been to?

Waterparks, Avril Lavigne, All Time Low

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

Yes, quite a few times now

119: Learned another language?

Try multiple

120: Wore make up?

Yeah! Trying to do it more

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

No, too late for that now

122: Had oral sex?

No but I want to

123: Dyed my hair?

No but I want to

124: Voted in a presidential election?

No, HK doesn’t have presidential elections

125: Rode in an ambulance?

126: Had a surgery?

127: Met someone famous?

Famous in Hong Kong yes. Worldwide no. I’ve met the UoE principal though

edit: Iza reminded me that I’ve met both Courtney Act and Sasha Velour!

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

Yes but not like…creepy. for drawing reference I’ve gone through a lot of people’s social media this morning lol

129: Peed outside?

When I was like 4

130: Been fishing?

Not that I can recall

131: Helped with charity?

Yeah

132: Been rejected by a crush?

No because I’m too much of a wimp to confess. Maybe a few years later

133: Broken a mirror?

Yep, the one I use to wear my contacts (when I used to wear contacts)

134: What do I want for birthday?

Sex and liposuction and a corset and maybe someone to love me and a full happy day with no depression or anxiety

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

I don’t want kids. But if I did have kids, here is a list of nice names: Gracie, Ljudmila, Nico, Agneta (this one sounds really fucking familiar but I don’t know why), Anthony, Selene, Kristoff, James

136: Was I named after anyone?

No. My Chinese name means to have manners and to be gentle lmao. My English name is literally just the first thing I blurted out when the teacher asked me for my name. Wednesday was a name I look after Wednesday Addams though.

137: Do I like my handwriting?

I hate my Chinese and English penmanship it looks like shit but my Cyrillic looks GREAT

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

Barbie, I had Genevieve from the 12 dancing princesses

139: Favourite Tv Show?

Drag race, b99, ASOUE, the good place

140: Where do I want to live when older?

In Edinburgh

141: Play any musical instrument?

The ukulele and I think I still remember a bit of guitar

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

Cutting. Most of my scars are from cutting. A few from childhood bruises

143: Favourite pizza toping?

Cheese

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

Sometimes

145: Am I afraid of heights?

all the time

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

A lot worse than sneaking out buddy

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Yeah

148: What I’m really bad at

controlling my fucking feelings and not falling for peple

149: What my greatest achievments are

Sewing my prom dress, making an animation, juggling learning 3 languages (slowly) at once, surviving high school because honestly I didn’t think I’d make it to graduation

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

That bisexuality doesn’t exist

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

Depends on how much i win but assuming it’s a big amount of money, split it and donate a third to charity, give a third to my parents, split the rest of it in quarters and give three quarter to my dad for investments and spend the last quarter

152: What do I like about myself

I have pretty hair and nice tits and I can draw (not well but I can draw), and I have a bit of talent in learning languages and fashion design

153: My closest Tumblr friend

@samrull without a doubt

154: Something I fantasise about

My brain giving me a good yummy serotonin

155: Any question you’d like?

….anon you didn’t put a question (this happens every goddamn time i s2g)

Thanks for the ask though this kept me occupied for the good part of an hour :)

#answered #anon #about me

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phanfictrashalex · 7 years

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A/N: I know this isn't what the ask wanted. It's 3AM and I have to wake up soon. I will write like actual sin sometime soon. But enjoy this please, and to the person who asked I will write actual Top Phil if you want me to. But next is Top Dan, as i like to alternate it every other fic. Also, I don't proofread these, as i normally write these really late at night. If you see any errors please let me know!

Warnings: blowjobs, studentxteacher, not as much sin, poorly written fic

Words: 1155

Summary: Dan wants Mr. Lester's attention, and that's what he gets.

Ao3 [x] Wattpad [x]

Now, school is something that everyone hates. Even as someone who is in high school. We all dread waking up everyday, and actually dealing with those around us that make us potentially want death.

But, there was something different to that. I hated all of those things, I hated everyone and everything about school. Until our English teacher, Mr. Lester came and started working at the school.

My school has never been one to be able to keep teachers, because we were all 'rude' or 'disrespectful' but, everyone seems to love him. A lot of the girls loved to go to his class just to stare at him. Not that I don't do that, but he's stated multiple times that he isn't into females. No matter what, they're trying to get his attention.

He notices me as one of the bad students, not that I have anything wrong with that. But, part of me wants to do better, just in his class. Of course to 'learn' about the boring stuff that we have to do in there.

A few days later, I started showing up on time, turning in all of my work, and actually making good grades for once. But the one thing that I didn't think about, was explaining why I was doing shit in other teacher's classrooms.

No one seemed to care though. Within the first week my grades were rising higher then they ever have been in my life. They must've knew something was up when they saw me coming in class for the first time, actually on time.

But, what I never thought I would have to do is talk to the teacher, other then for being into trouble for skipping class or something stupid

It was Friday, and English is the last class of the day. I have homework that I have to do, so I am going to see if I can stay after today to finish it. Any other teacher, I would've easily burnt the paper and got it over with. But, I wanted to see if I could catch Mr. Lester's attention.

I mean, other then the times that he notices me staring at his ass, but that doesn't really count.

The bell rang, signaling it time for everyone to go home. I, on the other hand, wasn't planning on leaving for at least thirty minutes.

"Mr. Lester? Can I stay here and do homework that I have to do?" I ask him shyly, and quietly.

Everyone knew that I was one of the loudest kids in the building, and that I wasn't shy or scared of anyone or anything. But something about the teacher makes me want to be this totally different person.

He looks at me confused, like someone has just given him candy for no reason. Or someone has performed magic right in front of him.

Now, what I haven't pointed out is that he is exactly like me basically. He likes muse, he has a fringe, he is beautiful. The last part really describes him more then me honestly.

"Is everything alright, Howell? I mean you've been acting like a totally different person for the past week. Is everything okay at home?" he asked with a concerned expression.

I wanted to laugh and say 'no i'm trying to get your attention.' but I knew if I did something like that, he could easily have be suspended.

I nod slowly. "Okay, Howell. I've talked with your other teachers, and they say you've been the same in their class. Skipping, and not turning in your stuff. There has to be a reason that all of the sudden you're doing this for my class."

The way that he is looking at me, and the way that he is speaking to me, makes me really want to do something other then sit here. It makes me want to hug him and kiss him- but he could easily get into trouble for something like that.

The thing with crushing on him is, I am 18 and I have a year left of school. Thanks to getting held back. But, if he wanted to, I could make it work or something. But, I am too scared to tell him anything.

"Howell, I want an answer." he said, making me look into the eyes that I could get lost in for days. The eyes that you can see the ocean and the sky in.

"Mr. Lester, I kind of- just wanted your attention?" I said quickly, not being able to change my mind on what to say.

I looked at him and my face turned a bright red, I know I've fucked up now. But there was nothing that I could do, other then run out of the classroom, which I feel like I've already done enough this year.

"Oh- well you're way more attractive then those girls that constantly stare at me. You're also the legal age of consent. Whatever we do is up to you, Howell." he said awkwardly, but blushing at the same time.

"Can we go to your apartment please?" I asked with a begging tone, one that no one got to hear me use.

"Of course, get everything and we'll leave right away." he said rushing to get everything together. At the look of him I could feel my pants start to tighten.

The ride was long and painful. Everything about it was painful, the problem between my legs, the fact that it was taking so long, and I had the hottest person right beside me, not making anything better.

When we finally got there, and into his flat, he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me passionately.

We both started taking our clothes off, to leave our pants on. He started sucking spots onto my hips and my thighs. Not thinking about how I could cover those, I let out a small moan.

After he got finished marking me, I got on top of him, and looked at him as I was asking for permission to pull his pants off. He nodded at me, and I did exactly that.

"I want to suck you off, is that okay?" I ask quickly, getting a nod in return.

I take him, slowly at first, licking the slit every now and then to tease him. Soon enough, he was thrusting slightly into my mouth. He signaled me that he was about to finish and I sucked harder each time, making him finish in my mouth.

After he came down from his high, the first thing that he said was,

"Dan? You can't tell anyone about this or I could get into trouble." he sounded slightly panicked.

I looked at him and nodded, I knew the rules, and I knew that if anyone did find out that I wouldn't be able to stare at his ass.

"Okay, now it's your turn." he said to me after he regained a little bit of strength.

After I finished, we went to sleep, and all in all it was an amazing experience.

#phanfiction #phanfic #phansmut #phan smut #student x teacher #smut #fluff #phan fluff

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boycottphil · 6 years

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Blue Neighbourhood (My Youth Is Yours) - Chapter 2

Summary: Dan and Phil come from two different worlds. Dan’s family is poor and fighting to survive each day, while Phil was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. They do have one thing in common that keeps them together for many years to come: they’ve both been neglected and left to fend for themselves.

In this alternative universe, Dan and Phil are going through the joys, pains and confusions of childhood and teenage years; in which they discover themselves, their families and the people around them.

Rating: Teen and up (for now)

Word count: 3159 Chapter: 03/?

Read on AO3!

<- Last chapter | Beginning | Next chapter ->

Chapter Two: Together

Dan’s home was small. It was an average-looking house with a beige exterior and hardly anything else to go for it. The front door looked as if it would fall off its hinges at any given moment. One of the windows on the top floor was obviously broken, with grey plastic covering it from the inside to keep out rain. The only thing on the whole property that was prettier than anything else was a large oak tree in the backyard that towered over the house, making it look tiny in comparison.

Even with its falling exterior and junk in both the front and the back of the house, Dan never thought that it wasn’t homey. He was used to the clutter and the mess, he was used to squeaky doors and windows, to wooden floors that threatened to cause splintered feet. He never thought that he had it worse than any other kid. He had all that he needed, even if he recognised that he sometimes wanted that new toy everyone had, or that new video game everyone was playing.

It was a Sunday, but even on a Sunday, the Howell house was empty. Dan’s mother worked two jobs, and working Sundays paid better than working any other day of the week. Dan’s father sometimes left for days at a time. Dan never knew where he went, why he left or when he would be coming back. When he wasn’t out of town, he was sitting in the living room, a husk of a man, looking blankly at the turned on TV with a can of beer in his hands.

His parents weren’t perfect. Dan was aware. He knew his mother struggled with juggling two jobs, two kids. Two kids who were nowhere near ready to go out into the world, and wouldn’t be for years to come.

But everything was good. Even if Dan was left home alone, left to cook himself a meal and clean up after everyone, as he was the only one with the time to do so, he thought that everything was good. His family wasn’t perfect. But it was a good family.

On Sunday, Dan had a whole plan. He woke up whenever he wanted, since his mum wasn’t around to drag him out of bed for school or other responsibilities. He had his favourite cereal for breakfast, and sometimes even some extra sweets if he found any. He then sat in front of the TV until at least 2 or 3 in the afternoon, cleaning between shows and during ads. When he got bored of television, he cooked his mother and little brother a meal, then set it aside for when they would come home.

It was 4 in the afternoon on that cloudy Sunday when Dan remembered that he promised his new friend that he would be coming around again. He picked up his backpack, noting that there was a small hole in the bottom of it that he should patch up later. Band-aids, some water and a snack were carefully packed into the backpack, this time a flashlight as well. Dan grabbed his house key to lock the house up before he hopped on his bike.

He had fun, the previous day. Phil was a good boy. He knew how to have fun, even if he was a bit strange at first. Even if his family was a bit strange.

Whose family wasn’t strange?

The brown-haired boy was in the “rich” part of town within half an hour, panting a bit as he hopped off his bike and looked up at the by now familiar house. Compared to his own, this pristine-looking house, built probably not too long ago, or renovated at least, looked like a proper mansion for royalty. Dan wondered if they had a huge foyer with a chandelier made out of beautiful crystals… Or perhaps an indoor pool, with a slide?

Like the previous day, Dan scanned all the windows, hoping that this time he would see a pair of blue eyes peeking from one of the white curtains. He gave it a minute, then walked between the houses and looked into the backyard.

Phil was sitting on the porch, Lion positioned so he sat on Phil’s lap. The boy was looking out toward the forest, his blue eyes reflecting the woods in a way that made them appear to almost be green. A deep green-blue. Dan didn’t make his presence known yet. He noticed that the boxes were gone and that a swing set was set up in the opposite corner, and most of the flowers that were previously in pots had been planted.

“Hello, Phil,” he greeted, keeping his voice rather meek. He was afraid that he would startle the other.

“Dan,” Phil smiled, getting up and taking Lion by the paw as he walked over to the fence. “Hey. How are you?” The ginger-haired boy asked, probably to be polite.

Dan couldn’t help but notice the suit he was wearing. His tie was a bit crooked, but its pretty azure colour caught Dan’s attention. “Are you going somewhere?” He asked, some disappointment evident in his voice.

“No, we just came back from church a while ago.” Phil looked over his shoulder. He was glad that his mother seemed to already be too busy with work to pay attention to where he was. “I was actually waiting for you.” He admitted, looking back at Dan.

“Oh,” Dan breathed out, then he, too, glance at the open door leading into the house. “Can you come play?” He asked, knowing that the previous day, the other boy was forced to cut the time they spent together short.

Phil shook his head, and it was all Dan needed to feel defeated. He was hoping they could continue their game. He had been up late the previous night, thinking of strategies to get some of Phil’s “treasure.” They were ninja pirates, after all, and they needed to protect their territory and steal what isn’t rightfully theirs. Dan had hoped that they could build some more stuff together, maybe even explore the other end of the woods.

“But-!” Phil started, as soon as he saw the disappointment wash over Dan’s face. “We can play here.” He said, biting his lips. He didn’t seem too sure if that was true.

“Really?”

“I-I can ask…” he added softly, then took a step back from the fence.

“Wait. What if I can’t stay?” Dan looked down at the ground again. He didn’t want to go home. He really didn’t.

Phil shrugged, then finally stepped back and turned to climb up onto the porch. He was gone for a few minutes, and Dan began to wonder if the other boy would even becoming back. He was just about to take his bike again and leave when Phil reemerged from within his home and smile at Dan brightly.

“You can stay to play!” Dan saw that Phil had changed out of the suit he was wearing and was now dressed in a tee with a cartoonish purple T-rex on it as well as some simple black sweats.

“Awesome.” Dan grinned back and put his bike away, then walked around to the gate, which Phil opened for him and let him into his backyard.

Dan saw Phil’s mother poke her head out briefly. He frowned when she saw who her son was going to play with, but she did not say a word.

The two boys spend hours playing. Phil brought out his toys, making Dan feel just a little bit envious. But that feeling wasn’t about to ruin anything for him. They each picked their own action figure and were soon “battling” against each other.

It was late in the afternoon, the sun would begin to set anytime soon. Phil’s mother came out of the house, watching for a few minutes before she spoke up.

“I think that’s enough for today.” She said coldly, and even as the smiles fell from both of the boys’ faces, she remained stone cold.

“But mum-” Phil began.

“No. I’m sorry, love. Your friend has to go.”

Dan put down the figure he had been playing with and stood up. He grabbed his backpack off the ground and dusted it off. It was still dirty, but that’s just how it was.

“That’s okay, Phil. I had fun.” Dan said and smiled down at his new friend. Phil soon stood up as well and nodded, though he was not happy at all. Dan thought he could guess what the reason behind the frowning was.

“I’ll see you... “ Phil didn’t finish that sentence on purpose.

“Tomorrow?” The other boy perked up a bit as Dan suggested.

“Yeah, tomorrow.” He then leaned closer to Dan and whispered. “Mum and dad are gone until 4. We can go to the forest again.” He then pulled back and smiled brightly.

Dan briefly wondered how Phil could be both so full of sunshine and rain all at once.

“Okay, bye, Phil. Goodbye, Mrs….” He looked at Phil, as if asking for his surname.

“Lester.”

“Goodbye Mrs. Lester. Thank you for letting me stay.” He then walked out the gate, not looking at the woman as he grabbed his bike and slowly drove off.

Dan didn’t go home right away. He decided to drive around for a while. He had time. His mother and brother wouldn’t be home until very late, and he had nothing to do. Nothing good was on TV and he had no chores he wanted or had to do. He felt the weight of being alone. It felt as if someone had put rocks into his backpack and was forcing him to ride up a steep hill. He didn’t like the feeling.

With Phil around, it felt as if that weight didn’t ever exist.

He came across a park, not too far away from his home. He could see a group of boys, older than him by at least a couple of years, playing basketball.

The urge to run over and ask if he could play, too, was strong with Dan, but he merely sat down on one of the benches and took out the bottle of water and the snack he packed for himself. The sun was slowly beginning to dip under the horizon, casting long shadows on the ground, the light around the whole park turning a gentle orange. Dan wished he could have spent that time with a friend.

“Daniel, where have you been?” Dan heard his mother ask, no real concern in her voice. She knew that the 11 year old could take care of himself well enough. He was mature for his age.

“I was playing with Phil.” He answered simply, putting his backpack down on the ground and heading into the kitchen. His mother was sat down at the table, a lit cigarette held loosely between her pale fingers. Dan’s nose scrunched up at the familiar scent of tobacco. He was used to it by now, but after spending a day outside in the fresh air, he did not appreciate the foul scent.

“Phil?” He heard his mother ask, an eyebrow cocked in curiosity. Despite the bags under her eyes and the tired paleness of her skin, her chocolate brown eyes were still warm as she looked at her son.

“Yeah!” Dan said with enthusiasm, sitting down at the kitchen table and starting to animatedly describe Phil and all the fun he had had with the boy in the short time he had known him. From their games at the garbage dump to their rather quiet hours spent playing with Phil’s toys. Dan’s mum had a soft smile on her lips as she listened intently to her son.

“I’m happy that you found a friend like Phil, love.” He extinguished her cigarette and then put the food Dan had made for her and Adrian into the microwave. “Does he go to your school?”

“I don’t know. He moved in not too long ago.”

“So he’s new in town.”

“I guess so. They moved into a huge house.”

Dan’s mum hummed to let Dan know that she was listening.

“His mum doesn’t like me.”

She looked over at Dan, her smile falling. “Why do you think that?”

“She doesn’t like it that I play with Phil.” He thought back on the looks she was sending in Dan’s direction. The judging way she scrunched up her nose in what must be disgust whenever he touched anything that belong to Phil- or even Phil himself.

“...Some people are like that, honey. As long as Phil is nice to you, I don’t see a reason why it should matter whether his mum likes you or not.” Dan could only nod at that. He knew he shouldn’t care. But he saw how Phil reacted. How his head hung a bit lower every time he noticed his mum looking over at them.

“I guess. I’m gonna go read.” Dan pushed his chair away from the table. He hear his mum say a soft ‘okay, have fun’ before he closed the kitchen door and went to the bathroom. He took a shower and brushed his teeth before slipping into the room he shared with Adrian.

His brother was in the living room, judging by the sounds of some cartoon coming from said room. Dan sighed, climbing into his own bed and taking out a book to read. He could hardly concentrate. It was a strange day. But at least it felt like summer.

Dan kept meeting up with Phil every day. They would either go to the forest or explore the neighbourhood. They were inseparable. They spent every minute of every day together, as much as they could and were allowed to. Dan learnt that Phil’s parents weren’t home much, and even when they were, they were working. Usually, there was a nanny to take care of Phil. An older woman who had apparently been a family friend for a long time.

He also learnt that Phil has a brother who is three years older than him. Dan did ask why he had never seen Martyn. But Phil just shrugged and avoided the question for a few days, until he said that Martyn went to a boarding school, and was in America with some school friends on a summer-long trip.

Perhaps it was envy or maybe melancholy that he saw in Phil’s eyes. Whatever it was, it told him not to talk about Martyn too much.

Summer was slowly coming to an end. Dan had been so busy with just being around Phil that he didn’t even notice that in less than 3 weeks, they would be going right back to school. To hell, as Dan loved to call it.

“Phil?” They were sitting on a bench in a park near Phil’s home. Phil had sneaked out once again, because he always did that with Dan. Even if he got in trouble at least a few times when his mum noticed that his shoes were muddier than they were supposed to be.

“Yes?” The blue-eyed boy asked, turning his gaze away from some pigeon that had gathered around a woman who was feeding them some crumbs.

“What school do you go to?”

Phil thought for a moment. He had to remember the name. “St. Willow Secondary School.” He said after almost a full minute of thinking.

“That’s the same school I go to!” He wasn’t too keen to go to that school. Although it was a new school, as he is starting year 7, the change will be minimal. Teachers and a new building aside, not much changes. He’s going to be with the same kids. Their town isn’t exactly large. He’s happier this time around though.

Phil will be there, too.

“That’s great!” Phil chuckled, nudging Dan with his shoulder. They were sat rather closely together. It felt nice, comfortable. Just being in close proximity. They didn’t yet officially declare that they are best friends, but both of them knew it.

“I will finally have someone to spend lunch with!” Dan laughed, and Phil joined in after saying a small ‘me too’.

They fell into comfortable silence, both boys happy.

The first day of school was always difficult. Not only did it mean that he had to wear a uniform again, but it also meant that he had to get used to studying and listening and just waking up every morning. The only thing he was looking forward to was the fact that now he could be with Phil, every day. Maybe not as much as they were during summer, but he could at the very least look forward to something.

The beginning of a new school year meant something else, as well. It meant that Dan’s mum spent a lot of money on his uniform, his books, his supplies… And while she said that it was fine (she didn’t even have a choice, anyway), it was obvious that there was some stress around spending so much money all of a sudden. Dan couldn’t help but think a bit bitterly how Phil does not have such a problem.

After the welcoming ceremony, they were all told to find their classes and start the day. Dan had yet to see Phil, but he had gone through two classes already, both of which didn’t start on anything important yet. The usual get-to-know the teacher and students spiel was going on, and Dan already knew 99% of everyone in his classes. He was eager for lunch to come around so he could maybe, hopefully, find Phil.

Ten minutes into lunch break and Dan finally stumbled upon Phil. They shared stories of their days so far as they made their way to the canteen. Dan got his free lunch, and Phil had one packed from home. They sat down in a secluded corner, not wanting to be bothered by anyone at all. Dan used to hang out with some boys from his old school, but he didn’t find them. He knew that they were somewhere.

Lunch passed in what felt like seconds, and the two had to get up and continue their day. Dan was less than eager. He could only really see Phil during breaks and what’s about it. At the very least, he figured, he had the older boy’s schedule and they could meet up between classes, even if it was for only a minute or two to say hello.

Dan didn’t mind. He was okay with it. At least he had someone to be around. With Phil around, there would be no problems. With Phil around, even the bullies wouldn’t matter too much. Because at the end of the day, he didn’t have to go home and hope that the following day would be better.

He could go to his friend who would tell him that the following day would be better.

#phan #phanfiction #phanfic #daniel howell #amazingphil #danisnotonfire #phil lester #dnp #dan and phil #mine #fanfiction

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sunshinedjh · 7 years

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The Wolf of The Wood Part Twelve

Word count: 1506

Warnings: blood, angry mom (lol)

Wattpad<<<

He was running. Yet again, running. He didn't even know what from, it seemed so strange and yet so familiar. He couldn't stop, it went on forever, the same forest stretching for miles and miles.

'Dan?'

Where was that voice coming from? He carried on, running as fast as his legs would carry him, on and on into the distance.

'Dan!'

'Hmmm?'

The voice seemed clearer now. The familiar sight of the forest was fading away, he felt as though he was being sucked into an alternate universe away from everything, though almost closer to the voice.

Dan awoke with a start. He was dazed and confused, eyes darting all over the place until they fell upon something: Phil. And then he remembered where he was, what had happened. For some reason he was panting heavily, he hadn't really been running had he? No, that was just a dream. But wait, he wasn't a werewolf anymore. What was going on?

'Phil?'

'Dan are you okay?!'

'I, I think I feel o... wait! Why am I not still a werewolf?'

'You transformed back... it looked quite painful' Phil looked up at Dan sympathetically 'it woke me up instantly, you were going crazy, I didn't know what to do, I'd assumed that you were awake, that you could feel it but you must have been... still asleep'

'But I've never even fallen asleep before as a werewol...'

Suddenly Dan winced in pain. With all the commotion going on both boys had forgotten about Dan's injury, though now they both looked down at it. Phil carefully unwrapped part of the shirt that was covering it so that they could take a look. It didn't look any less painful in his human form, Dan's whole foot had swollen and part of it had scabbed over from the dried blood.

Seeing the shirt around his leg Made Dan realise that Phil (who was leaning over him still examining his injury) was still shirtless and for the first time since he'd awoken Dan looked up at his friend.

It took more than a few seconds for Dan to realise that he was staring, his cheeks had gone a dark shade of red and he was feeling quite flustered. It was lucky really, that Phil wasn't quite paying attention to what Dan was doing. It would have been mortifying if Phil had caught him staring almost longingly at his half naked body. He really wish he had more control over this little crush of his, well it wasn't really little at all, in fact it was rapidly growing to be quite big.

'Right, we need to clean this wound up and get some proper bandages or the wound will get infected' Phil stood up slowly 'I should have some at my house, it's nearer than town, that is if I still have a house to go back to...'

'What?'

Dan looked confused for a moment and then he remembered something. 'Wait Phil, how did it go yesterday? I totally didn't give you time to explain before I'm sorry'

'It's okay, I understand why you did now' Phil chuckled 'anyway I'll tell you on the way we need to get going'

'But um, Phil I don't think I can walk' Dan groaned apologetically.

'I'll carry you, you can ride on my shoulders'

Dan blushed slightly.

'What am I, five?'

'Oh come on Dan it's a last resort'

They'd been walking for about half an hour now (well, Phil had) and although Dan didn't want to admit it it was actually quite fun sitting on Phil's shoulders.

If Phil had the choice right now he really wouldn't have wanted to roam the streets looking like he did but he knew He had to do it for Dan. They both looked terrible, Dan's clothes stretched and practically torn to pieces, Phil's clothes half missing and the ones he still had on ripped and muddy. It must have been very early in the morning as there were hardly any people around which was something to be thankful for at least. The occasional person they did come across would glare or look sympathetic and probably think they were both a little bit strange but that was okay.

'Anyway' Dan said, clearing his throat 'so what what happened yesterday?' 'Well, it didn't exactly go to great... My dad was back when I got there, apparently my mum gave him another chance. But it definitely didn't work out. Basically my parents have had it with everything, especially each other. So they've decided to move. Mum wants to go live in the city and god knows where my dad's going, he wouldn't even speak to me.'

'Oh Phil, that's...' Dan didn't know what to say.

'But they'd already started packing when I got there, I just hope they aren't already done so we can find what we need'

'Wait Phil' Dan froze. 'what are you going to do? Are you going to go with your mum and... move away'

Phil stopped walking. He craned his neck around so he could look at Dan. 'No Dan' he sighed 'I'm staying, turns out my mum wasn't as supportive about my sexuality as I thought, I think she just wanted to argue against my dad'

'So what are you...'

'I don't know'

They carried on a little further until they reached the end of the road they were on. A giant moving van was parked outside the end house and various items of furniture were placed haphazardly into it.

'Well, here we are' Phil exclaimed as he lead Dan through the apparently already open front door.

'I told you to stay out there Micheal!' A voice screamed down the hallway. Both Dan and Phil jumped in surprise and Dan nearly fell off Phil's shoulders.

'Mum, mum it's only me'

A small frail looking woman appeared, she had a stern look on her face and her hands on her hips, she wore a cold tired look in her eyes.

'Oh, Phillip I thought you were your father. Oh my heavens look at the state of you! what are you doing here anyway? And who's that! He's not your boyfriend is he?' She snapped, bombarding him with questions. Dan tried to sink as low as he could into Phil.

'I er, no! He's not, he's... we're just grabbing some of my stuff from my room to take and Dan got a little hurt. It's a long story but I'm sure you don't care'

'No you're right I don't, and good I've been waiting for you to get rid of all that useless shit in your room' she barked. And with that Phil darted upstairs, Dan still on his back.

He put Dan down on his bed when they reached his room and sat down beside him.

'I can't believe that's your mother' Said Dan when he was out of Phil's mum's hearing range. 'She's, she's, insane! Horrible!'

'Yeah' Phil drew a sharp breath 'anyway wait here I'm going to go find a first aid kit'

Lying on Phil's bed looking up at the ceiling Dan smiled as Phil came back into the room carrying an abundance of bandages and a large bag.

'Right then, sit up and let me tend to you'

It didn't take him very long, he cleaned up the wound, applied various medical liquids and gels to it that Dan had no idea about the uses of, and then wrapped it in a bandage.

'There we go good as new, well not quite, anyway do you think you can stand?' 'I'll try'

Dan slowly lifted to his feet, Phil helping support him. As soon as he felt secure enough to stand properly he wrapped his arms around Phil.

'Thanks Phil' 'It's okay Dan, I'm sorry we got in this mess in the first place' Phil said returning the hug.

'Yeah me too. And er, can I just say we both smell really bad, could we maybe get a change of clothes?'

Phil laughed.

'Yeah, yeah you can borrow some'

Soon both boys were reasonably clean again and had nice non ripped clothes. Dan was wearing one of Phil hoodies, it wasn't the kind of style Dan usually went for (it was bright yellow after all) but it was incredibly comfy. They both sat there on the bed again for a while, silent but hardly calm. They'd been through so much in the last twenty four hours and their minds were racing.

'Phil' Dan eventually spoke up, turning to face him. He knew what he wanted to say but for some reason his mouth had gone dry.

'Yeah?' 'You know, since you don't really have a , you know, home anymore... I was thinking um...'

Why was this so hard for Dan to say?

'I was wondering if you'd like to come live with me, like permanently'

Phil looked at Dan directly in the eyes. It was funny, he seemed just as lost for words as Dan.

'I, Dan... I'd love too, I, thank you'

#phanfiction #twotw #werewolf!dan #phancakeshowell #phanfic #phan #phan fanfic #phandom #dan and phil #danisnotonfire #amazingphil #dan howell #phil lester #danisnotonfire and amazingphil #dan howell and phil lester

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phanfictioncatalogue · 5 years

Text

Band AU (2) Masterlist

Links Last Checked: April 13th, 2022

part one

After The Gig (ao3) - developerdaniel

Summary: The fic where Dan and Phil are lovers from rival bands in England in the 1980's and they cant get enough of each other after getting home from their gig.

Against London (ao3) - ordanary

Summary: ‘Against London weren’t some super small indie pop punk band who had the leisure of making real connections with their fans anymore. Things were changing fast, and Dan would have to learn to adapt quickly if he wanted to keep up.’

Appreciate The Sound (ao3) - moomer

Summary: Dan is mute and Phil is in a punk band. Dan is a huge fan, mainly cause he's in love with Phil, but also cause he likes music as a form of communication. Dan goes to a concert and is forced (but not really) by Phil to come sing with him on stage but Dan doesn't realize what he's supposed to do until he's already up there and phil doesn't know dan can't speak.

Bang Me Like Those Drums - analphancones

Summary: Phil is the drummer of a band, but how will the lead singer, Kevin, feel when he walks in on Phil banging his younger brother Dan as hard as Phil bangs his drums?

Call It Home - camisadan

Summary: All he wanted was to be alone for a few hours with his guitar. All he wanted was to get away from everything, to temporarily cease to have all the baggage that comes with the name Phil Lester. Phil Lester: failed musician, crappy cashier, crappier human being. He never expects to find the escape that he really doesn’t need: Dan Howell.

Catch A Dream - apparentlyiwritephannow

Summary: Phil really didn’t want to do this. When they started the band two years ago with their amazing music teacher they did it just for fun. But when Mr. Parson came running into the band practice two weeks ago with a leaflet about a school band contest in London the three of them decided they’d need to find themselves a keyboard player.

Cliché - weezerdan

Summary: Dan Howell is a regular teenager. He goes to high school, he hangs out with his best friends (PJ, Chris, and Phil), and he hates doing homework. He’s fairly attractive, enough so to attract the attention of a few girls and secretly Phil. What people don’t know about this average teen, is that he isn’t so average. Dan Howell is in a popular alternative band. He sings and plays keyboard for this band, known to many as ‘Ripping Ivory’. He wears a mask onstage as he sings and is known by his fanbase as Q, even though they know this isn’t his true identity.

Fall To Pieces When I'm With You - succubusphan

Summary: Daniel Howell was a talented Musician whose dream came true. Not only did he achieve a certain level of success but he got to be the opening act to his favourite band. He would finally meet his idol, Phil Lester.

Keep the Time (ao3) - starwatersong

Summary: Dan, still recovering from a rough break-up, works in a coffee shop by day and plays in a band with his friend PJ at night. The problem is they've never had a gig and they need a new drummer. Dan meets Phil and finds much more than the drummer they're looking for.

Sk8er Boi - sexyassphan

Summary: Based of Avril Lavigne’s song Sk8er Boi with Pastel!Dan and punk!Phil Phil learns what love is but also how to be broken from it, Dan helps him learn both of them things. who will face the consequences

Something I Can Never Have (ao3) - GoodGollyMissYollie

Summary: Dan works in a gay club. Phil is in a band. Dan wears leather. Phil has Pokemon tattoos.

Sunlight and Honesty (ao3) - getadoge

Summary: Dan knew he could fall in love with Phil so he ran away. Now when Phil's band is kicking off their world tour in London, Dan can't help but get front row seats.

We Don't Have Much Room To Live (ao3) - starrywrite

Summary: Band!AU. Phil and his band are about to embark on their first tour, and his boyfriend - and biggest fan - Dan is coming along for the ride. What could possibly go wrong?

What'd I Get Right to Deserve Somebody Like You? (ao3) - binchmarner

Summary: AU in which Dan Howell and Jack Howard have their own BBC Radio Show and get a chance to interview Phil and PJ's band indie band No Excuses. “Actually, I’m a bit in love with the lead singer and guitarist Phil Lester, but I hear that a lot of people are as well, so I’m a bit far back in the queue.”

Dan's alarm bellowed through the room, piercing the air. He considered ignoring it and calling in sick to the BBC for the day, but decided against it. The thought of his flatmate Jack Howard running their weekly radio show alone was a scary enough thought to convince him to start the day. He turned off the 7:30 alarm on his phone and dragged himself out of bed, pulled on a robe and walked to the kitchen to put the kettle on for coffee. He stretched out his arms and sore back in a yawn, sighing when he heard his shoulders pop.

Note to self, he thought. Get new pillows. Or mattress.

With Plans, With You (ao3) - queerofcups

Summary: I can’t get any work done I just think about you all the time.

Your Biggest Fan - dxnhowell

Summary: Phil is in the middle of a world tour with his rock band Killing Daisies. They’ve only been on tour for a couple of weeks now and it’s their first time touring in America, so they are still getting the hang of things. One night, their tour bus breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Luckily, someone passes by who’s willing to help them. This someone just happens to be their biggest fan.

You Will Be Covered In Gold (fanfiction.net) - Lonewritersclub

Summary: They became famous and loved. But fame is pain sometimes and Dan never was a masochist. Phil can’t help but worry, when their vocalist turns to drugs to find an answer. // Band AU.

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #masterlists #au #band #band masterlist

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omgdatphantho · 7 years

Text

You’re Going Down with Me

Summary: Video games + Lace panties = sex

Warning: Smut, Language

Word Count: 1,986

Ao3

Fanfic Masterlist

“Phil! Phil! Phil! Phil!” Dan chants as he bounces on the balls of his feet. Phil glances past the end of the couch quickly, then diverts his attention back to his computer screen as if he didn’t see him. Dan sighs with frustration and climbs onto the couch, leaving little room between them. He grabs Phil’s shoulder and starts gently shaking him while still chanting his name.

“What do you want?” Phil asks, trying and failing to look annoyed. Dan smiles widely.

“I want to play a game.” he responds. Phil rolls his eyes and chuckles. After setting down his laptop, he turns his full attention on Dan.

“Alright Jigsaw. What kind of game?” Phil questions. Dan laughs.

“Mario Kart?” he asks, slightly unsure of himself.

“Didn’t we just play that?” Phil questions. They both pause as they rack their brains trying to remember. Dan shrugs.

“I don’t know, but we should anyway.” he reasons. Phil rolls his eyes. He’s not bad at video games, but he’s not as good as Dan when it’s two player and in there lies the problem. The hopeful twinkle in Dan’s eye is the tipping point for him.

“Alright. Let me go change while you set it up.” Phil reasons. Dan lets out a cheer of elation before scurrying off to set everything up.

Phil strips down in his room and gathers his clothes. Pale, baby blue, lace panties glide over his legs and settle comfortably over his crotch. He slides on a pair of trackies and smirks to himself.

Dan’s sitting on the ground with an elated look on his face as Phil walks in. He rolls his eyes and chuckles as he settles next to him.

“You’re going down.” Dan declares as the count down begins for the first race.

The next hour passes in a blur of laughter, smack talk, and bright colors. For a while there, they were pretty evenly matched as they alternated the winner between them. That all changes when Dan wins two in a row and then three. Suddenly, he’s way ahead in winning and Phil’s left in the dust.

“Ah!” Phil cries as his car spins out for the tenth time this race. He’s in dead last and Dan’s crossing the finishing line in first once again.

“Oh I’m sorry. Did I win again?” Dan mocks in a cheeky voice. Phil huffs and glares at Dan out of the corner of his eye.

“It’s not fair. I told you it was too fast.” Phil exclaims. Dan leans over and gets very close to him.

“Oh it’s too fast for little Philly.” Dan mocks in a whiney voice. Phil clenches his jaw and pouts. Dan laughs.

The next race loads onto the screen and Phil’s gripping his controller tightly. These moments are the reasons why he dislikes playing two player with Dan. He wins a few races, gets cocky, starts smack talking, and then Phil wants to run away in defeat.

Luckily, his brain reminds him of his secret weapon. The race isn’t going well for him because he’s so far behind he’s getting lapped, but he doesn’t mind for once. Phil stands up and pulls his pants down, leaving his panties on display.

Dan catches movement out of the corner of his eye. He tries to concentrate on the screen, but his curiosity gets the better of him. What should have been a quick look turns into a lingering stare as he realizes the sight next to him.

The panties hug Phil’s hips and ass as if they are a second skin. His flaccid cock if situated upward and creates a nice size bulge in the front. Dan’s hand twitches at the urge to touch him, but he fights the feeling down.

“What? I-Uh-What?” Dan sputters, his eyes permanently fixated on Phil. Phil smiles to himself and settles back onto the floor. The rug is scratchy against his exposed legs, but he reasons that he can power through the feeling.

“Oh dear. You died.” Phil says, ignoring Dan’s question. Dan looks back at the forgotten tv screen. His cart is being settled back onto the track after, he assumes, falling off the edge.

“I guess I did.” Dan states. His voice is soft and distant, as if he isn’t registering his own words. With the distraction, Phil’s able to cross the line before Dan. It’s not first place, but they’re really trying to just beat each other so the small victory makes Phil happy.

Dan’s eyes are still trained on Phil’s crotch. His t-shirt is still nestled at the top of his panties, putting everything on display. He can feel Dan’s eyes on him and decides to give him a show. The wiggle that he does seems innocent, but it isn’t. Dan watches also in a trance as Phil’s package sways slightly from side to side, caressing the fabric. Phil clamps his lips together to stifle the satisfied noise at the at the back of his throat, but Dan hears in anyway.

The game starts, but Dan can’t concentrate. The allure of Phil in panties is starting to overtake him and his brain is drifting away from the task at hand. Phil easily wins the next round and Dan could care less.

He slides behind Phil, placing his legs outside of his own and his chest against his back. Dan’s arms slide under Phil’s and he holds the controller closer to his stomach. Phil’s skin pricks at the feeling of Dan’s body heat.

“What are you doing?” Phil asks in a low whisper. Dan hums and places a light kiss against the side of his neck.

“Playing the game.” Dan whispers in his ear. Phil hums and tries to focus on the game.

It’s not the easiest task in the world. Dan’s only giving a half hearted attempt because he’s more focused on Phil’s half naked form, which is too tempting to resist. Feather like kisses are being peppered on his neck and dainty fingertips dance across his arms. Phil’s squirming and little noises are slipping out.

“Am I distracting you?” Dan asks before delicately scraping his teeth along the base of his neck. Phil lets out a noise of surprise and pushes his body closer to Dan’s.

“Yes you are.” Phil answers with an airy tone. Dan chuckles.

“Good.” he replies before turning his attention back towards the telly.

The game continues on, but Dan’s touches only increase. His fingers dance across Phil’s slowly swelling cock and he bucks at the sensation. He thrusts his hips forward in search of a firmer touch, but is denied when Dan pulls his hand away.

“Dan please.” Phil whimpers. Dan shakes his head and returns both hands to his controller. Phil huffs in frustration.

Phil’s revenge comes in the form of him rubbing his ass against Dan’s crotch. What had been a slow trickle of blood expanding his cock has now turned into a flood. He grinds himself against Phil’s backside and softly moans. Phil turns his head to smirk at him.

“Do you want me?” Phil asks, their lips centimeters apart. Dan’s eyes flick between Phil’s own and his lips.

“Yes.” Dan whispers before pressing their mouthes together. The controllers fall to the floor as hands grab at skin and tongues explore their mouthes.

Phil falls back onto the floor as Dan straddles him, holding him down. He tugs at his shirt and they’re both topless in the blink of an eye. Dan pulls away suddenly, much to the confusion of Phil. He scampers out of the room, but returns holding lube only a moment later.

With a smirk, Dan drops his pants and settles between Phil’s thighs. His hands move across his skin, touching everything besides his crotch.

“Please Dan.” Phil begs as his hips buck uselessly into the air. The urge to be touched is starting to become overwhelming and is making his head swim. Dan chuckles and continues his torturous act.

“Get on your hands and knees babe.” Dan states. Phil is quick to comply and yet still annoyed that Dan hasn’t touched him.

Dan settles behind Phil, dragging his fingers over his panties. He slowly pulls them down, revealing Phil’s pale ass. One of his hands moves over his taint, balls, and finally gripping his cock in a loose fist. The other hand teases his hole with a lubed up finger before breaking through the ring of muscles.

“Hmm.” Phil hums with contentment as Dan’s finger stretches him. He greedily pushes back, causing Dan to drop his cock.

“Someone’s eager.” Dan says with certainty as he pulls his finger out to add another. Phil lets out a loud moan as Dan’s fingers spread apart. The anticipation and the stretch causes precum to bubble out the tip of his cock and land on the carpet.

The work to open Phil up is quick as they have sex regularly and they’re both anxious to move on to the next stage. Dan lubes up his cock and slowly slides it inside. Twin moans echo throughout the room as Phil’s filled and Dan bottoms out.

“Grab your controller. We’re going to keep playing.” Dan says as he wipes excess lube onto the outside of Phil’s thigh. Phil drops to his forearms, causing his ass to become higher in the air and arch of his back to be more pronounced.

Dan’s controller is in his hands as he begins to move. His thrusts are slightly sloppy and erratic as he doesn’t have his usual control over Phil’s body. Phil’s letting out moans every time Dan’s pelvis makes contact with his buttocks.

“More please.” Phil pleads. The pleasure is good, but it’s not quite enough for him to start the climb towards his orgasm.

Both of them are failing the game. The satisfaction that’s thrumming through their bodies is a huge distraction and both are near the back of the pack. Phil can’t take it any longer and drops his controller onto the ground. He thrusts his hips back as he rides Dan’s cock with one hand on his own.

The bliss around Dan’s dick intensifies as Phil ramps up his efforts. The controller slips from his grasp and he grabs Phil’s hips, thrusting into him hard.

“Ah!” Dan cries as Phil clenches around him. He can feel his muscles beginning to twitch and tense as his orgasm starts to build.

The feeling of Dan inside of him and his own hand around himself is starting to become too much for Phil. He’s chanting Dan’s name and twisting his wrist as he starts to peak. His body shakes and trembles as he orgasms over the floor.

Dan watches through barely cracked eyes as Phil withers on his cock. The tightness around him is pushing him quickly towards his own orgasmic bliss.

“I’m going to come.” Dan repeats like a broken record. His thrusts are short and hard against Phil’s backside.

“Ah! Ah! Ah!” Dan cries out in crescendo as he spurts his cum inside of Phil. Phil lets out a satisfying moan as his insides are flooded with Dan’s cum.

Dan collapses on top of Phil’s back and his weight causes them both to flop onto the floor. They lay there with only their heavy breathing and the game’s background music filling the silence.

“Get off.” Phil states as he weakly tries to push Dan off his back. Dan’s penis slips out of his hole with a squelch as he rolls off to the side.

“Shower and then a rematch?” Dan asks, his eyes flickering to the abandoned game on the screen. Phil looks at the sticky mess all over his torso and grimaces.

“How about a shower and then cuddles?” he counters. Dan thinks for a moment, then smiles.

“I’ll race you to the bathroom.” he says before launching himself off the floor. Phil giggles and shakes his head before taking off after him.

#smutty friday #phan #phan fanfic #dan and phil #dan and phil fanfic #dan #dan fanfic #phil #phil fanfic #dan howell #dan howell fanfic #phil lester #phil lester fanfic

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deniscollins · 6 years

Text

Near Everest’s Slopes, a Helicopter Rescue Fraud Preys on Trekkers

What would you do if you were an insurance executive and realized that there was a massive insurance fraud in Nepal where Mt. Everest trekking and helicopter companies, and hospitals, exaggerate hiker illnesses so that the hiker will be evacuated by helicopter and treated in a hospital at inflated prices: (1) inform hikers about the scam, (2) raise insurance premiums for hikers, (3) end coverage entirely in the country until the industry ends the scams? Why? What are the ethics underlying your decision?

When Geoffrey Chang, an Australian trekker heading to Mount Everest Base Camp, woke up with chest pain, his Nepali guide pushed immediately for a medical evacuation, saying he had a serious case of acute mountain sickness.

But the next morning, Mr. Chang was feeling better, and his oxygen levels had come back to acceptable levels, he said. His travel companion, Michelle Tjondro, asked the guide if they could simply rest that day or walk down like others with similar symptoms.

That’s when the red flags started to pile up.

The guide pushed aside those suggestions, continuing to press for a costly helicopter evacuation. Afterward, at a hospital marketed to foreigners in Kathmandu, Nepal’s capital, Mr. Chang’s passport was confiscated for several days, he said, and as the bill rose, a doctor told him his symptoms would need to be exaggerated in order to have insurance pay for his stay.

Mr. Chang and Ms. Tjondro, and the insurance company they booked with, now all believe they were the target of a scam that has corroded Nepal’s tourism industry and sucked huge sums of money from insurance companies.

The Nepalese government and trek insurance companies describe a wave of fraud in which Mount Everest trek operators, guides, helicopter evacuation companies and hospitals are conspiring to bilk insurance companies by encouraging unneeded evacuations and exaggerating medical symptoms and services. Officials said that as of June, they had flagged millions of dollars’ worth of potentially fraudulent insurance claims this year.

Guides earn handsome commissions from disreputable trekking operators by pushing for emergency evacuations in cases of mild acute mountain sickness and other illnesses, dissuading trekkers from contacting doctors or from trying less drastic measures. In some cases, they say, healthy trekkers have even agreed to a rescue in exchange for a free ride off the trail.

When bills are submitted, helicopter companies inflate prices for rescues and hospitals overcharge for services. Multiple insurance claims are submitted for a single helicopter ride if more than one trekker is on board.

Some trekking companies, which act as brokers and take a percentage of rescue fees from helicopter companies, make more money through evacuations than they do charging for hikes, officials said, pulling in thousands of dollars in kickbacks when a typical profit margin for each trekker might be just a few hundred dollars.

Nepal’s government announced a new monitoring program late last week to crack down on the fraud. Rabindra Adhikari, Nepal’s minister for tourism, said in an interview that new procedures had been set up for medical evacuations, and that helicopter companies, trekking operators and hospitals must now submit invoices for rescues to his office to ensure that they are “genuine.”

Nepali officials said they were also investigating claims that guides in some cases had purposely made clients sick to force an evacuation, reportedly through serving spoiled food or mixing large amounts of baking soda into meals.

Insurance companies have had enough, too. They have raised premiums, posted red-banded advisories on their websites warning trekkers of the scam, or sometimes threatened to end coverage entirely in the country.

Phil Sylvester, a spokesman for World Nomads, a popular insurance provider with clients around the globe, said the number of unnecessary rescues was rising. In one recent example, Mr. Sylvester said, a man was air-evacuated for an earache.

“I personally have seen 200 to 250 suspect evacuation cases in a year from a handful of insurers,” he said. “With each evacuation costing $6,000 to $10,000, that adds up.”

The problem has become extensive enough that World Nomads recently put together an internal blacklist of Nepali helicopter companies and hospitals that it suspects of fraud. Mr. Sylvester said claims involving a blacklisted company were not automatically rejected. Trekkers, he said, “have no control over who gets called on the phone.”

But in some cases, trekking operators were telling clients that they had received authorization from insurers when they had not, he said.

Dan Richards, the chief executive of Global Rescue, a company that organizes medical evacuations, said Nepal was an outlier in that so many actors colluded to defraud the consumer and insurance companies. He worries that the fraud will probably continue as long as insurance companies pay for the helicopter flights.

“Everybody in the chain is involved,” he said.

Nepal is a poor country, sandwiched between India and China, where every year thousands of visitors embark on multiday hikes to glimpse some of the world’s highest peaks.

Aware of the risks associated with traveling to high altitudes, many trekkers buy insurance for several hundred dollars, opting for plans that include helicopter rescues. To ensure proper acclimatization, they spend days hiking to places like Everest Base Camp, where the air is thin and trekkers often experience mild altitude sickness.

A few dozen trekking companies are thought to be central to the fraud.

In a common scenario, mountain guides exploit inexperienced trekkers by pressuring them to be helicoptered back to Kathmandu at the first minor signs of illness. They are dissuaded from exploring other options, like taking medicine that eases altitude sickness, going to clinics along the trek route, or simply descending a few thousand feet, which solves many cases.

Other versions of the deceit are more disturbing.

In 2016, Faina Gersh’s mountain flight back to Kathmandu was delayed by bad weather. Ms. Gersh, a trekker from California, was worried that she would miss her connecting flight to the United States. The owner of her trekking company came up with an alternative.

“They suggested that we say I was sick, like with food poisoning or an illness, so then my insurance would cover a helicopter,” said Ms. Gersh, 42, who had finished a trek to Base Camp. “I was like, ‘No, I’m not going to commit insurance fraud.’”

In the case of Mr. Chang and Ms. Tjondro, the Australians whose guide had pushed an air evacuation in 2016 even though they were willing to walk down the mountain themselves, the insurance company they bought a policy from, World Nomads, said there were some clear irregularities.

Mr. Sylvester, the spokesman from World Nomads, said that their guide, without contacting the insurance company, had coordinated with the trekking company, Advanced Adventures, to send a helicopter from Flight Connection International, a company blacklisted by World Nomads, to pick up the trekkers in Lobuche, a small village about 16,000 feet above sea level and a day’s walk from Base Camp.

After arriving in Kathmandu, around 90 miles away, the two Australian trekkers were transported to Swacon International Hospital, a clinic for foreigners that is also on World Nomads’ blacklist, where Mr. Chang’s passport was taken, possibly “to prevent me from leaving too early,” he said.

In interviews, all three of those companies denied wrongdoing.

When he was discharged after three days, Mr. Chang said, he was given no receipt. The hospital told him “they would sort everything out,” he said.

Later, they found that a doctor’s report attached to Mr. Chang’s insurance claim, which The New York Times reviewed, included inaccuracies, the pair said, including that Mr. Chang’s symptoms had not improved even after descending, making a medical evacuation necessary. Ms. Tjondro reiterated that they had not even tried to descend by foot because their guide discouraged it.

The claim came to over $10,000, which Mr. Sylvester, the spokesman from World Nomads, said the company had paid, though under new policies the claim would probably have been flagged.

Dr. Minalma Pandey, the medical director at Swacon who wrote the report, said in an interview that she was aware of the trekkers’ complaints, but insisted that nothing untoward had happened at the hospital. When pressed about Mr. Chang’s contention that a doctor had informed him that the hospital would need to exaggerate his symptoms, she said, simply, “How can we do that?”

Keshav Wagle, the managing director of Advanced Adventures, the trekking company the two used, said in an interview in his office that he had stopped taking trekkers to the Swacon clinic.

But he angrily rejected Mr. Chang’s and Ms. Tjondro’s complaints, claiming that she and Mr. Chang had never paid for a trek with the company — though the receipt they received from the trekking company showed his signature.

Shyam Kandel, an official from Flight Connection International, rejected allegations that Flight Connection International was involved in any fraud, saying the company had “no role in dealing with insurance.”

“We just arrange helicopters when trekking companies request them,” he said.

In the Nepali government investigation that led to the new rules for trekking companies, the report accused both Flight Connection International and Swacon of producing fraudulent invoices and overcharging insurance companies.

Insurance companies are closely monitoring whether the government acts on those findings. But Rishi Ram Bhandari, the managing director of Satori Adventures and Expeditions, worries about the fraud’s lasting effect on tourism here, and about whether it will be stopped.

Protected by ringleaders with political connections, the ruse has ballooned in size, he said, slowly normalizing a practice that has jeopardized the tourism jobs of thousands of honest locals. He fears that it may be “killing the goose that lays the golden eggs.”

Last year, an older guide walked into Mr. Bhandari’s office looking for work. Mr. Bhandari said he was not hiring. The man pressed, emphasizing that hiring him would bring “lots of benefits.”

“If you send me as a guide for a group of 10 people, I will definitely provide you with two rescues,” the man told Mr. Bhandari. “I said, ‘Thank you for your proposal, but I’m not that type of businessman.’”

#Nepal #Fraud

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hsews · 6 years

Link

SOUTHAMPTON, N.Y. — Bob Koepka grew up playing baseball and basketball, and he was a good enough pitcher to earn his spot in a college rotation at West Virginia Wesleyan. He knew what an athlete looked like back then, and he sure knew what separated a real sport from an activity or hobby masquerading as one.

“And I used to tease the guys in high school when they got a letterman’s jacket for golf,” Koepka said, “because I didn’t think it was a sport.”

This U.S. Open was many things. It was not, however, boring. From Phil Mickelson’s wild ride to Brooks Koepka’s repeat, there were plenty of highs and lows.

The U.S. Open ended with Brooks Koepka holding the trophy again. How did we get here? A look at all the big moments from Sunday’s final round.

All you need to know about the 2018 U.S. Open, including day-by-day results and analysis from Shinnecock Hills.

2 Related

All these years later, he was standing below the Shinnecock Hills clubhouse with his wife, Sherry, while waiting for his son to receive another letterman’s jacket for golf. Brooks had just become the first man since Curtis Strange in 1989 to successfully defend his U.S. Open title, and his father wouldn’t dare tease him on Father’s Day. Nobody was daring to question the legitimacy of a two-time champ who is built like an NFL strong safety and who carries himself more like a boxer than a golfer who never learned how to give or take a punch.

Much like two of the contenders he defeated Sunday, Dustin Johnson and Tony Finau, Brooks Koepka is a child of the Tiger Woods era. Woods pancaked all the geeks in his midst, a locker room full of pencil necks who would’ve never earned Bob Koepka’s approval in his high school days, and inspired a generation of athletic kids to accept a golf course as a viable alternative to the basketball court, the baseball diamond and the football field.

That Brooks Koepka might now carry the Tiger Effect forward is a wonderful tee-to-green thing. He cut a muscular path to his second major championship in a week when golf desperately needed that visual. The game’s national championship had been reduced to the kind of whiny, prep-school debate over rules and technicalities and course conditions that could compel American fans of the four major sports to forever write off golfers as unworthy of the distinctions granted pass-rushers and power forwards.

“Brooks has never been a golf nerd,” said his swing coach, Claude Harmon III. “I think he shows that if you’re 13 or 14 years old and you’re playing basketball or football or lacrosse or you’re a wrestler, whatever sport you’re doing, you look at somebody like Brooks and you go, ‘I can do that. I look like that. I want to do that.’ When I was growing up, golf wasn’t cool. Golfers weren’t really considered to be athletes. But I think what he’s done and what he’ll continue to do is changing that.”

Brooks Koepka used all his athletic gifts to win his second consecutive U.S. Open. Warren Little/Getty Images

Koepka is a workout warrior who often partners in the gym with his good friend, Johnson, with whom he head-to-head in the penultimate pairing Sunday. DJ was all but crowned after 36 holes. He was leading by four strokes and was five clear of Koepka, whose father thought his son was rarely sharp when he played with Johnson. Brooks had spent months living with DJ while his house was being renovated, and Bob and Sherry wondered if the chemistry between them negatively affected Brooks’ game.

But they didn’t wonder or worry for long. Brooks was always the most confident man or boy in the room, or in the car, even as a 12-year-old sixth grader who had made the varsity golf team at a small Florida high school, Wellington Christian. On the drive back from Brooks’ first nine-hole tournament — he shot 41 while using driver on every hole — the boy announced that he was planning to drop out of school in four years to turn pro. Bob immediately pulled his car to the side of the road and barked, “Let me just tell you something, son. You’re going to finish high school, you’re going to go to college, and after that, if you’re good enough, then you can turn pro.”

Brooks was plenty good enough out of Florida State. Koepka hardened his game by playing in all sorts of weather on all sorts of courses overseas, by winning in Japan, Turkey, Italy, Scotland and Spain long before he found himself as the defending U.S. Open champ trying to run down a buddy, Johnson, who was looking invincible as Friday night.

Only then Johnson shot 77 on a late-afternoon Saturday course the USGA would admit, on cue, was too severe. Koepka managed a 72, landing himself in the same heavyweight ring with the older, taller, more accomplished Johnson. Brooks was not the least bit afraid.

“My wife always says he’s got that Koepka look,” Bob Koepka said. “Sitting home last year, Erin Hills, they showed a close-up of him on the first tee. She says, ‘There’s that look. He’s got it today.'”

Outside the Shinnecock Hills scoring room, waiting for his son to head to the championship ceremony, Bob was asked when he first saw that Koepka look on Sunday.

“Probably when I saw him coming off the putting green before the round,” Bob said. “He had those steely eyes.”

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Brooks Koepka fends off Tommy Fleetwood and Dustin Johnson to card an impressive final-round 68 to win the U.S. Open.

Koepka was too good and too tough for Johnson, and for every other man in the field. Tommy Fleetwood matched the U.S. Open record with an early 63, and Masters champ Patrick Reed made his own charge up the board. But Koepka never lost his cool. He made big putts to save pars, and his biggest to save bogey at the 11th. Johnson, meanwhile, continued his weekend-long struggle on the greens. Koepka landed a knockout punch with a birdie on the par-5 16th, and he safely bogeyed the 72nd hole when a double-bogey would’ve forced him into a playoff with Fleetwood.

When it was over, Koepka and Johnson fell into a warm embrace. “But I didn’t talk to him today,” Koepka said. “Maybe I said something on 3, and that was about it. … We’re both competitive. We both know we’re trying to beat each other and trying to win a golf tournament, trying to win a major. There’s a little bit of stress.”

During his final round, Koepka came across as the least stressed man on the planet. All this after a wrist injury knocked him out of the Masters, and left him on the couch for a few months while he watched TV, gained weight, and wondered why only three fellow players (Johnson, Bubba Watson, and Phil Mickelson) bothered to text him.

“You just get forgotten,” Koepka said.

Now he will be remembered forever. Harmon, who also coaches DJ, said that Koepka “fell in love with golf again” after the wrist injury and that he has the perfect game for the U.S. Open. Koepka proved last year at Erin Hills that he could blow away a field, and shoot 16 under in golf’s most oppressive major, when benign conditions allow for him to fire away.

He proved Sunday that he can win a U.S. Open the old-fashioned way, too, grinding out pars to finish the tournament at a USGA-approved 1 over and making a winner out of his old man, who picked Brooks in a tournament pool organized by his friends at the Lost City Golf Club in Atlantis, Florida.

Bob and Sherry had arrived in New York a week ago Saturday to watch Justify win the Triple Crown at the Belmont Stakes.

“My wife said, ‘If we’re going to go, why don’t we go up early and we can see history,'” Bob said. “We didn’t know we were going to see it twice.”

With golfing history in the books, Brooks Koepka’s best childhood friend, Dan Gambill, spoke of how they competed at everything — poker games, drinking games, pickup basketball games, you name it. Gambill is the baseball coach at UMass Boston. He described Koekpa as a versatile and gifted athlete who excelled whether they were playing pickup soccer in Thailand or pickup basketball in the States.

“He’s going to put up a decent run,” Gambill said. “You can’t be like, ‘Oh, he’s a golfer, he can’t do anything.”

With every step he took and every move he made at Shinnecock, Brooks Koepka announced that he is an athlete first, a golfer second. This was a great thing for a sport that didn’t look or sound very athletic for most of a surreal and unforgettable week.

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