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videogamelover99 · 2 years

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you are so galaxy brain, I'm enjoying scrolling through your skk takes so much. I love the depth with which you see them both as individuals and their dynamic. I feel it's something sorely lacking in this fandom (I'm in the process of rage-writing Too Many fics in a fit of "if I want it done right I GUESS I have to do it myself") but I feel like you just Get It 😌😌😌I'm trying to think of a question to ask now so I have an excuse to hear you be right about them some more.

mmm, I've been seeing a lot of fics lately that depict dazai acting on his mental illness and harming himself in some way, and chuuya coming along to ~ save him ~ and being all "don't do it again" "okay I won't!" and it's really grinding my gears, what are your thoughts? How do you think chuuya would actually feel/think/react to witnessing or being acutely aware of dazai indulging his mental illnesses in that way? I think it's a really interesting thing to look at through Chuuya's eyes and I think his responses to it would be very complex.

Lets talk about Fifteen for a second.

It's something I noticed recently, that I immediately had to tell @originalartblog about because it comepletely made me re-think skk's entire relationship as well as their deal with mental illness.

(tw: in-depth talk about suicidal ideation, suicide, depression, you know, the works)

I think the fandom collectively tends to think of Chuuya as the "more stable" one, someone who, while maybe not being compeltely healthy, is still healthy enough to "take care of" other people, to take care of Dazai, specifically. And I kind of fell into that idea too, that while a lot of Chuuya's issues are similar to Dazai's issues, he has enough sense of purpose and companionship from the people around him to not be as bad as Dazai. If Chuuya is portrayed as suicidal, it's in a sacrificial sort of way, you know, the classic "I don't care if I live as long as everybody else gets to" type thing we see in a lot of heroic characters.

But then I reread the final fight in Fifteen and was like wait.

Consider this sequence of events:

Rimbaud reveals his true colors and urges Dazai and Chuuya to give him, Chuuya refuses, and fights the entire time with his hands in his pockets.

Dazai asks for his five minutes of "convincing Chuuya to die", at which Chuuya says "You can't convince me of anything."

Dazai says he changed his mind about dying, and Chuuya demands to know why, at which point Dazai gives his whole "living close to death" speech. They agree to team up.

Immediately after their talk, and Dazai saying "Chuuya convinced me not to die", Chuuya takes his hands out of his pockets.

5. A fight scene later, and Chuuya explains why he keeps his hands in his pockets the whole time, a mystery set up on par with the mystery of Arahabaki. Back in the arcade, Dazai asks why he's deliberately putting himself at risk: "It can't just be lazyness...You know someone stronger is gonna come around at some point, you can't afford to let your guard down in fights."

6. Then they beat Rimbaud. And what last words does he have for Chuuya? A plead for Chuuya to live.

I think Dazai's speech about finding a reason to live didn't just impact Dazai, but Chuuya, too. Chuuya convinced Dazai not to die yet, but the same goes the other way around, with Chuuya finally finding enough will to live to take his hands out of his pockets and finally protect himself properly. The hands in pockets thing (and by extension, the gloves) aren't a show of arrogance or boredom or even Chuuya's doubt of his own humanity - they are a show of how much Chuuya is willing to live at that moment, how much he wants to fight back to survive. And before Dazai urged him to beat Rimbaud? Chuuya was letting Rimbaud win.

By extension, the times when Chuuya uses Corruption are probably the times when he wants to live the most. Since Dazai is the only one alive who knows the reason for the gloves, it's a silent signal of "I trust you to keep me alive because I don't want to die yet".

My point is that passive suicidal ideation is *still* suicidal ideation. "If I don't fight back maybe at some point when I'm close to death I'll feel like I want to" is suicidal ideation. It comes back around in Stormbringer, when Chuuya questions why he should fight back against N when his own existence doesn't mean anything. Each one of his mistakes is treated as another reason he shouldn't exist. Chuuya was never okay and I don't understand why we keep pretending he was.

As for the specifics of the ask: Chuuya wouldn't "indulge" Dazai, because everything he hates about Dazai has to do with Dazai's depression and nihilism, because it is his own depression and nihilism. Honestly, if anything I see Chuuya's response to Dazai's mental illness being way more on the problematic side than people like to portray. He can't offer empathy, because he'll have to put himself in Dazai's shoes and that is actually mentally dangerous for him, because it's a mentality he's desperately fighting against in himself. Of course he lashes out. Of course he's angry. He's tried reaching out to Dazai (again, that phone call scene in SB), and Dazai doesn't want that, anyway, so why should he try?

That doesn't mean he's totally apathetic or cruel. Chuuya's acts of care have always been more on the physical side of things. We have Beast, where Chuuya is adamant about protecting Dazai's life both from others and from his own reckless behavior, but they never talk, and that's why the line "Dazai committed suicide without telling him anything" is so brutal. Chuuya honestly wanted Dazai to come to him and say something, but Dazai never did because they both have so many walls up a genuine conversaion seems impossible.

#fics i enjoy: chuuya being angrily tossing a plate of food in dazai's direction like 'if youre gonna die dont do it in my house you freak'#whats sad is that chuuya GETS him but dazai will never know that chuuya gets him #also def not enough fics of dazai taking care of chuuya lets be real #chuuya responds to dazai's physical needs while dazai responds to chuuya's mental needs but neither are willing to take that extra step #their dynamic isnt one taking care of the other its two depressed teens who can either drag each other down or build each other up #and somehow despite the odds the latter happens #honestly i think dazai realizing chuuya of all people can understand him is such an important need for his character #he thinks oda is the only one that truly understood him #and oda had but oda was also impressed and did a murder suicide and is now telling this kid 'you will never fill that hole inside yourself'#meanwhile chuuya's journey has been him finding what can fill that hole inside himself and succeeding more or less #dazai kind of needs someone to tell him 'this isn't all there is' from experience #bsd #bungou stray dogs #nakahara chuuya #dazai osamu #soukoku #asks #skk

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helianskies · 4 months

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After reading Bitter Teeth and knowing you speak Italian, are there scenarios and stories you'd still like to explore having Italy as your background? And what are you favorite Italian historical periods to play with?

holy moly, months later she's finally decided to give you some sort of answer to a very interesting ask! :'0

i'm sorry i'm on my knees i'm grovelling cake i'm so sorry

i'll be honest, i love italy, i love italian, i love italians, and i would love to use it as a setting more often if it suits a fic - in a heartbeat. having been to a fair few areas now (Puglia you're next on my list bby i promise) there are such beautiful places i would love to use as backdrops, even for short works. a little romantic trip to Verona, a wet weekend in Venice, a sea swim in the marina in Naples across the bay from Vesuvius...

i think it helps with writing when you've been somewhere and can weave in personal experiences or even memories. i'd like to do it more in general, though i find my mind is not programmed easily for fluffy encounters haha. but i have fond memories of italy and i'd love to use them more as inspiration.

(what i'm trying to say is i suffered climbing up Vesuvius after a morning spent walking Herculaneum and i want someone - toni, south italy, whoever! - to feel my pain!)

anywho. as for historical periods... i dunno. as a student i only ever studied Risorgimento onwards, and very politically-based. i think the Renascimento in Florence would be interesting. i really loved visiting Davide and Venere haha (my duomo experience on the other hand...). and i'd love to learn more of Venice as a kingdom. Roman Italy i guess is a must, though i've already dabbled. otherwise, i'm not too sure....

though, when in Rome... i could send toni to walk around the Colosseum and Roman Forum omgggg... let him walk around and have his thoughts... a lil' character study...

i am never getting over leaving the Colosseum and finding a public water dispenser with sparkling water.......

OH THE TEMPLES! there were temples in the Forum! there's the Tempio di Antonino (e Faustina, ahem) and the Tempio di Romolo just across the way! i remember my mind working overtime with that nugget. the romespa was stalking me tirelessly on that part of my trip. and i'm yet to be cured!

anyways i hope that has in some way answered your question(?). i've not put much thought into the italies as characters themselves - i don't feel the same kind of draw to them that i feel with toni - but it would be curious to. i'd love to do more research into Venice during the times of the Ottoman Empire, in its sort of golden era. i'm sure i've seen a documentary or two, and i may even have a book... hmmm...

so many little threads to follow and not enough hours in the day, sadly, to do so :')

thank you for sending in the ask, it gave me an excuse to look back on some much loved holiday pics haha (and sorry again for taking my sweet time responding!) :)

#helia answers #helia's stuff #i really do have so many fond memories from my mini italian tour last summer #i could write so many little things in so many little quiet settings #a cono di fritto misto wandering around naples in the evening #watching the sunset from a beach bar in palermo #GRAFFA!#so much good food honestly i could just write a million mini food fics lmao #cheesy arancini/e #a proper panino #the pizza in naples to DIE for #and spaghetti alle vongole in that square in venice with the music in the distance....#still wanna write someone almost dying on top of vesuvio tho ✌️

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pansyfemme · 5 months

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i am eating the most questionable dunkin egg and cheese ive had in my life but im finally on the train home yaaaay

#like. dunkin egg and cheese is always suspect but its weird..#hoping i dont die or get food poisoning but like honestly i havent eaten like anything all day so its worth it

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pancake-breakfast · 10 months

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This weekend's gonna be busy-busy, so let's see if I can't make some solid progress on the volume for the week before it comes. Besides, there's rumor of a scene of Legato pathetically eating meat coming up soon, and I'm HERE for it.

TriMax Volume 2!

Archive

Trigun Volume 1: Covers + 1-3, 3 Detailed Thoughts, 4, 4 DT, 5-6, 5-6 + DT, 6 DT, 7-8, 9-10

Trigun Volume 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 1 Supplemental Research, 2-4, 5-6, 7-8

TriMax Volume 1: Covers + 1-2, 2 DT, 3-4, 3 DT, 5-6

TriMax Volume 2: Covers + 1

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for TriMax Vol. 2, Chapters 2-4 below.

Chapter 2: Resume Our Business

Ahahahahahahaha!!! I really shouldn't be laughing at these eating sound effects, but I am. Maybe I just like to know he's suffering.

Gods, I can't wait to see how Stampede tackles this whole mess. I'm giddy with anticipation for something that likely won't come up for 2-3 years.

Slurp it up, buddy. I can't believe Nightow let this drag on for SO MANY PAGES.

I genuinely think he's eating this way as a sort of penance. Buddy can force people to do things with his brain. He does NOT need to humiliate himself like this. But he done pissed off Knives, so his suffering must be great until he's back in his lord's graces.

They're all just watching him and being like, "Welp. Our boss has lost it."

The two of these I remember NOTHING about are Hoppered and Gray. Leonof scarred me in '98 (but that's a thing with me and puppetmaster-type characters, so....). Zazie's forgettable in '98 but a wonderful chaos creature in Stampede. I'm pretty sure Rai-Dei shows up in '98, but nothing about him stands out. And, of course, Midvalley, who has such an excellent introduction in '98.

Uhhhhh... insulting Knives in front of Legato (or even saying things that could be perceived as insults to Knives in front of Legato) isn't exactly a wise move. There are reasons I call Legato yandere.

Ooooh, this goes beyond insulting. Midvalley has balls. Probably shouldn't have hesitated, though.

Meanwhile, Legato's still like, "Omnomnomnomnom."

Yyyyyeaaaahhh, Midvalley really shouldn't have hesitated. Now he is a pretzel. Maybe Legato will be kind enough to spare him an extra iron maiden.

LOL, Legato saying this is hilarious because Knives implies Legato just made up their previous order without any input from Knives himself. Also, it's hilarious that he's still talking with food in his mouth. I know he can talk telepathically, but still.

Knives' plan sucks. I don't mean it's a bad plan. I mean it's terribly cruel.

Also, Knives' outfit is just... ridiculous here. I know he gets crap for wearing a snuggie (that's apparently made out of actual knives) in Stampede, but this is... also a lifestyle choice. I particularly like the spikes apparently through the torso there, like someone's run him through. I feel like there's a reason for that which I'm not quite grasping.

NO LEGATO IS LEGIT SPEAKING WITH HIS MOUTH FULL LOOK HE HAS THE MEAT IN HI MOUTH AND THE TEXT BUBBLE IS EVEN POINTING TO HIM FOR ONCE. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ok, now that I just looked at it for however long it took to colorize the panel, I have to talk about the table. 'Cause I think it's notable that it starts out like this...

...and ends up like this.

Just... the contrast between how pristine and perfect it was to how much it's just a chaotic mess it's become. It was fit for a king before. Now, two of the drinks are spilled (and one is just... missing?), there are crumbs and God only knows what else EVERYWHERE, and the silverware that was laid out so carefully is just... gone. Gah, indeed.

Midvalley is taking this rather well, all things considered. I don't think I'd be as chill if I was being pretzel-ified.

Cut to: Vash eating a donut. Because Trigun.

Neither of these men are wearing helmets, which seems rather unsafe. Sand isn't that soft.

I like how Vash recognizes Wolfwood's annoyance enough to try, even though he knows he'll fail. Very Vash of him.

"Hi, I'm Vash the Stampede. I can drive the lost technology known as space ships, but motorcylces? Ohhhh, no. Count me OUT."

Wolfwood's dodginess is bringing out Vash's serious face. Gods, he's so babygirl here, though....

Wait, is this guy riding a SAND DRAGON???

Yep, that thing sure do say "Knives" on it. And what is that emerging from the dust? SOMETHING BAD, you say? Gasp! Shock!

LOL, Vash is doing his best to Japanese. Does the Japanese version of the manga specify that Rai-Dei is actually speaking in Nihongo? Or was this just kind of confusing?

Ohhh, check it out. This guy isn't even looking at Vash. He's looking at Wolfwood. I'm sure that's not significant and definitely not something Vash has already picked up on.

Vash has a lot of questions. As he should.

Wolfwood, on the other hand, presents a single and equally important one.

Man, WW knows NOTHING about his coworkers, does he?

LOL, his secret ability is roller skates. SUPER roller skates. Gods, this manga is so goofy sometimes.

Is... Vash parrying the sword with his gun??

Did Rai-Dei just parry bullets with his sword????

This whole scene is so samurai showdown. It's great. We just need Rai-Dei to start monologuing about his training and shouting out the names of his moves and we're set.

Wolfwood calling himself a bystander. LOL

Ohhhh, shit. He done told Vash they're going after his home. Now he has to deal with Angry Vash.

Actually, WW doesn't look too happy about this, either.

Why does this guy have 411 carved all over him?

So, this guy expects to die. Or has at least accepted it as a legitimate possible outcome.

Ah, there he goes talking about technique and all. And here I was afraid he wouldn't get around to it.

Ok, can we talk a bit about how he's wearing a FRINGED COWBOY VEST over his samurai gear? Seriously, this is a thing.

Chapter 3: Samurai Showdown

Wolfwood's hand going to the straps on the Punisher. He's genuinely considering interfering.

Aw, man. Rai-Dei noticed.

Geez, first this guy's like, "Vash, we're gonna go after the closest thing you have to family here." Then he's like, "I want to hunt you, Vash, because you're not human." He's definitely a master of "ways to piss off Vash quickly."

Guys, my heart is so full at WW's little inner monologue here. Especially how it stands in stark contrast to what Rai-Dei was saying on literally the previous page. He genuinely wants to help Vash. He says, "Just this once," but that's how it always starts, isn't it?

Vash is even more in tune with Wolfwood's little movements than Rai-Dei is. AND he seems to understand something fundamental about Rai-Dei. That's my babygirl. <3 <3 <3 Be safe out there, Vash.

In anime with Japanese-inspired fights, they often talk about sensing the other person's bloodlust. That makes Rai-Dei's thought here really stand out. Also, I can't get over the framing and how very samurai showdown this whole page feels.

Then, of course, the next page follows the showdown beats, having them move and the reaction shots without telling us which one hit his mark.

If anyone wants to translate "jigenzan ittou" for me, that would be hot. I can't even give it a try without the kanji.

I'm sorry, I'm not over the Super-Skates. You can put all the skulls on them you want, but they'll still be dumb.

Oh, good. I'm glad Rai-Dei actually told us what happened on the last spread. I genuinely would have never figured it out on my own.

Heh. Vash is never unarmed.

Wolfwood, you big idiot. That's not how Vash works! That's not how any of this works!!

The real question is, has Rai-Dei dodged his way through as many battles as Vash has dodged his way through?

Wait, did Vash put a grappling wire on his gun??

Yeah, Vash has had enough of your shit, sir. Time to call it quits. Maybe find some nice mountains to retire to.

Chapter 4: Wolfwood

Hmm, I WONDER what THIS chapter will be about? *cue high-pitched screeching*

I don't think it's the way of the sword specifically that's so fragile, Rai-Dei. It's more... the path of violence. Or maybe any path we're on. Blank ticket and all.

Ohhhhh, Rai-Dei saying he abandoned his humanity to be here when WW just noted in the last chapter that, while it seems like they've all become monsters, they're just humans. There's... there's something there, but I don't have the thoughts for it right now.

Attacking an enemy's back when you've already been beat? Dishonorable.

Ohhhh, shit. Yeah, dang, Wolfwood's lucky Vash only punched him. And with his flesh arm, too. This isn't gonna sit well.

Wolfwood's not taking any of Vash's crap.

Gunsword??? That's not very samurai-like, either.

This. This is Vash. This is the line the made reference to in Stampede ep. 12. As many times as he has to so he doesn't take away their chance to make a change for the better. Wolfwood doesn't get it yet. But Vash only punched him 'cause Wolfwood needs more chances, too.

Oof, this scene. I knew it was coming, but still. There's so much weight in Wolfwood's single word. He knows exactly what he's asking on multiple levels.

GoshDARNIT Wolfwood! I mean, I realize you probably don't put a lot of weight on your own life, but... you care about him this much??? *heart bursts*

Ugh, Vash's response. These boys are killing me. But it's so brave to hope, isn't it? So brave to hold out for it even in the darkest times. Vash looks so sad for Wolfwood. He calls him a coward, but there's no malice here. Only the heavy sadness and desperation of wanting better for someone on the edge.

This is Vash not wearing his masks. This is him revealing himself to Wolfwood, with all the sadness and the troubled heart and, most importantly, all the hope he still has for Wolfwood.

Crap, why's Zazie gotta show up? They're gonna spoil the mood.

LOL, "Blow-Up Hill." What a name....

PLEASE tell me that this tall and smol who just entered the bar are Meryl and Millie....

YUUUUUUSSSS!!!! Hello, girls!!!

I, too, would like a banana sundae....

A truck full of tomases (toma?)! Hooray for birds!

"Ever since he ran away, we haven't been able to get ahold of him." LOL, GIRLS. He was RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU for a bit while you were on vacation and you were like, "Pfft, I'm not getting paid for this and LET HIM GET AWAY." I mean, as someone who's worked salary jobs, I'd have done the same, but still.

This is lovely. Everything about this is lovely. This is how it's supposed to be. In this moment, everything is right with the world.

Was that a SPACE SHIP that just crashed???

Bless Meryl. Her first concern is never for her own safety. It's always for the safety of others.

Oh, I don't trust the noises.

Wait, a girl?

Wait, she knows Vash?!

Wait, this is where I have to end for the night?!?!

#i honestly wasn't anticipating getting vashwood food this early in the story #now if you'll excuse me #i'm going to go die of feels #trigunbookclub #trigun maximum #volume 2 #pancake analysis

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dykefever · 1 year

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guess who . is a bit lactose intolerant :-(

#i’ve been ignoring it… and well i decided to test it out and the results are unfortunately in !#the main difference this makes in my life is that i will now drink oat milk in my coffee and have less cheese … heartbreaking #ridi is scoffing and laughing at me at that cheese line …#but also this hasn’t solved all my digestive problems idk maybe doing it long term will but personally i am #under the impression that my ed just fucked me n i’m not sure how to fix it anymore #because to be honestly no one food is a dramatic trigger even dairy it’s like. quite a bit of dairy in one day effects me significantly #otherwise it’s whatever anyway none of u need to know this ? sorry xxx #if any of u guys say i should try cutting out gluten too i’ll have 2 die i know :-/#laura says some things

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way2gosuperrstarr · 1 month

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might fuck around and draw characters ....... kissing (i cant even look at pictures of characters kissing each other, im going to die)

#salmon jibberish #i will die #i should REALLY change this tag to shut the fuck up #12:30am ignore anything i say tbh #i can feel my eyes #im tired and honestly my life's been miserable for the past couple weeks 👻#maybe kissing an animatronic will heal me #what #who said that #i want to make food but its so late #early?#🫠 hiugh

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dykekakashi · 8 months

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i hate convos about food w randos because it can't ever be a normal conversation about how delicious my grandma's banana bread recipe is or something it's always people who are like "EW FOOD🤢" "food is fuel:)" "i don't like sweet things i've only ever eaten vegetables yes since i was 3 years old" dominating the conversation. like ok leave omfg

#u idiots. u would die if u saw my spice cabinet #honestly a lot of these people probably have ED related symptoms and like #i wish i could be more sympathetic but i've struggled with EDs myself and just like #never saw the charm in flaunting my own lack of enjoyment for food around anyone else #like what's going thru these people's heads and who can make them stop

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makkie-is-screaming · 24 days

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don’t have to worry about my mom thinking I have an ed cuz she just told me she “loves the way I eat.” Why does this make me want to beat my head in with rocks.

#She said it’s cuz I’m “so good” about eating fruits n vegetables + taking my vitamins #Ma’am those are the only things I’m comfortable eating most of the time #and I only started taking my vitamins cuz my best friend was concerned for my health #She’s been doing it kinda often tbh like saying other teenagers just eat shit all the time and I’m so good about eating “clean food”#Honestly makes me want to die I don’t want any comments on how I do or dont eat #n it makes me feel stupid for the times where I wan to admit having an ed cuz everyone thinks I’m fine so why would they believe that #Screaming

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dewitty1 · 2 months

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Saturday Six (Stuff)

Cats woke me up too dang early. It was mostly Reggie, of course, so I chucked him out (don't @ me about it - he's and indoor/outdoor Boi) because that's what he wanted anyway. I didn't realize it was that cold until later, when I actually got up, thanks to Leeloo. So, I went out and called Reggie several times, with no luck. He decided to wait to come back after three + hours of being outside (not too unusual, but random enough) and I give him the Molly Weasley "Where *HAVE* you been?!" he just looks at me and gives a "maow" like "Whassup mom? Wassall the hubbub?" Crazy damn cat. Gotta love em. (^・ω・^ )

I'm really getting upset about the business situation. Idk what to do. It's bad, bad. And I've looked at jobs. Nothing much but nursing really. Ugh.(;*´Д`)ﾉ

I find it funny that I identify as aromantic, but I love reading romance novels (not as much as I used to, but I have some old faves), Drarry fic of course, and I love RomComs, and shows like Love is Blind and Indian Matchmaking lolololololol. I guess I just don't feel it for myself. Idk, it's weird, to me anyway.（*´▽｀*）

I really hate asking people for help. It really feels like failing to me. I guess I have my parents to thank for that one. But I've been asking people to share my business posts. Mostly on Fb because that's where the old people with money are. I don't love it, but this is the world we live in.(o;TωT)o

As if things weren't bad enough, I also got a jury duty summons in the mail for my birth month. But at least it wasn't for my actual birthday.

Anyway, I'm just trying breathe. And I keep hoping that something will come through. I'm still swimming, even though life is trying to drown me. p(*＾-＾*)q

BONUS - Mom tested positive for covid! So life keeps giving! (•̀o•́)ง

#Saturday Six #About me #Personal #February 17 2024 #Please do not rebloggle #Carey rambles about life and stuff and things and being really effing depressed rn #Like ya I don't want to HAVE to work but I need to because of the shit crapitalist system we live in rn #And it sucks but I'd rather work for myself than any other place #I honestly think I will wither and die if I have to work for a corporation #Like I might be OK if it's another small place like the ski hill I worked at but I can't go back to fast food or some random cashier job tb #Like I seriously think the depression would kill me #And I'm not even joking #My parents don't get it but I might have to tell them...#Ughhhh I really am over fighting them #I wish they would just be cool and supportive but they're silent/boomer Gen and don't know how #Anyway I'm done rambling for now lol #Thank you so much for for reading my nonsensical rambles whenever I post them #I appreciate y'all so much #I hope you have a great day or night wherever you are #Hugsss from mom or just a friend whatever you need right now because I know I need hugsss too٩(๑•◡-๑)۶ⒽⓤⒼ❤💜💙💚💛❤️💗💕💖#Now back to your regularly scheduled scrolling #Whooowhoooo now I might have covid again!!!! Happy happy joy joy

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