#the emotional outlet is enough. i just like when people know im right (:

[7heartbeats]

one

the anticipation (the. anticipation.) is itching under your fingertips. you can feel it. you have to feel it.

two

closer. (ever closer) but you cant count yet. the wave has only just started. a deep yearning.

three

the itch. (the itch) time is thick. half congealed blood. an open wound you need to scratch at. let it scab or let it bleed but make it stop itching.

four

calm. (calm) its a wish more than anything. youre tense with something you dont have words for.

five

it catches in your throat (the sensation echoes) its only been a few seconds. its been years. its been lifetimes.

six

you couldnt be closer. (you need to be closer) youre too far.

seven

it stills. (it stills) youre here (youre here) youre here (youre here)

#rare non ketek... too vulnerable for main but someone must understand also #adolin kholin #mayalaran #stormlight archive #okay cannot read this critically... it is like a journal entry. that. needs to be witnessed. in a way. #spent who knows how long on it not for nothing almighty. though. #the emotional outlet is enough. i just like when people know im right (:

[snaillock]

your relationship with bllk men as mitski songs

(kaiser, sae, oliver)

my posting has been very slow recently so to celebrate mitskis new album (and to feed into my eternal obsession for her music and lyricism by combining it with another thing im way too obsessed with), i dug up this old ass draft and finished it instead of giving y’all an actual fic

tags: gn!reader, angst(it’s mitski duh), yeah basically no fluff/comfort in here, suggestive-ish in the oliver one, me being a dork and combining two big interests of mine

michael kaiser - i don’t smoke

So if you need to be mean Be mean to me I can take it and put it inside of me If your hands need to break More than trinkets in your room You can lean on my arm As you break my heart

his career can be a lot on his shoulders at times even with the cocky and arrogant facade he puts on for the performance of each match he plays. he has a tendency to keep it all in to bask in the glory of his luxurious life.

you understand. you know he’s currently too prideful to deal with his true feelings, especially all on his own. you just want to be there to know he isn’t alone and that he can be open with you. so you sit there, giving him a listening ear as he lashes out and releases every awful word in the book towards you when everything finally becomes too much for him to bear. you wouldn’t want him to have a very public meltdown when it happens so it’s better this way. you have remind yourself to take none of it to heart because he doesn’t mean those all harsh words. he just needed an outlet for those frustrations.

you also don’t want the weight and significance of his career to separate you two. you’re already so damn lucky to be with someone like him. you want to prove that you can handle it. you know you can. you’re sure you can help him figure this all out somehow. love just takes compassion and patience, that’s all it is. just taking it one step at a time.

it’s just compassion and patience. right?

Just don't leave me alone Wondering where you are I am stronger than you give me credit for

sae itoshi - i want you

You're coming back And it's the end of the world We're starting over and I love you darlin' And I am done, dear

he swears he will make time for you someday. sure those words have been promised over and over again like a broken record but he truly does love you. however you’re starting to wonder if mutual love is truly enough to keep you two going.

the truth is his life is currently too big and important for him to take any focus away from it. the last thing he needs is a distraction. all of which he has very clear multiple times, even along with his contrastingly hopeful promises. though his tone is quite neutral, never letting his emotions seep through as if he’s programmed to do so. meanwhile you have to desperately hold yours back to not seem like an idiot.

it’s never been easy to express how you feel in front of him. you desperately wish you could but the inconsistency of your relationship that’s barely holding up renders it pointless. this over and over/back and forth thing that’s going on between you two is exhausting. it only leaves you lost and confused. you begin to wonder if staying is even worth it at all. even with the speck of hope that it could eventually work out. even if you love him.

You're in the house And I am here in the car I just need a quiet place Where I can scream how I love you

oliver aiku - eric

You like control, well, I do too Take off my clothes and watch me move You can come closer, I'll let you hurt me how you choose

you deeply crave a loving and fulfilling connection with another but unfortunately the other you desire is him. a guy who’s born to be a player and only wants to fool around with multiple people.

you know getting attached would only cause you so much unnecessary pain but your naive heart couldn’t resist him. you know that he doesn’t see you for more than what you give him at night but you were still a fool to fall for him.

enough of a fool to fall for him knowing he’s not ready to settle for one person. you could see it from how you would lovingly gaze at him while he leers at someone else behind you. you would still give yourself up to him if you could, offering anything he wanted out of you.

despite better judgment, you stay with a pained and aching heart. constantly yearning for more.

But how long, how long can we play this way? I'm tired, I'm tired of not loving you My heart, my heart wants to hold you But I know, I know, I know the rules

taglist(lemme know if you wanna be added): @userwithlotsoftime @lucas2060

#★ snail.writes ★ #it was so damn difficult picking between a loving feeling or eric for olivers part #blue lock #blue lock angst #blue lock x reader #michael kaiser #kaiser x reader #sae itoshi #sae x reader #sae itoshi x reader #oliver aiku #oliver aiku x reader #literally didn’t let myself sleep on a school night until i finished this #mitski posting

[ageless-soul-au]

anon from yesterday, my favorite part was Legend's gender euphoria moment in Gerudo Town. I'm transmasc, and it just hit so hard knowing exactly what that moment felt like. And it surprised me since I'd normally pick something with my hopeless-romantic brain like the part where Link wakes up in Legend and Ravio's bed, but it just. It really hit home.

I love the romance, the deep emotional connections, the acknowldgement of trauma and good/bad coping mechanisms, but the thing I find myself raving to my partner/friends about more is just how inclusive the whole thing is and how strongly that hit me right in the heart.

YESSSS that's exactly what the trans shit is for!!! Fuck yes!!!!! I'm so glad that hit right, I really try to pour my all into Legend's euphoria moments. The romance is all well and good, you're right, but I also think that the pure joy that euphoria brings is hard to match.

Just!!!!!! Ahxgxgxgshxgsjjwjdhxjsxbxgshb it makes us so happy that this fic has touched you enough that you'd talk to other people about it!!!! Like oh my gosh that is one of the highest compliments writers can receive. This fic didn't start out with All The Inclusivity in mind, it just kind of developed that way with the stories we like to tell. Really, this was supposed to be about how Legend and Warriors' relationship got its start, and it just.... got out of hand lmao hxvxbsbsns

Thank you sososososso much forreal, to hear how much you liked feels better than belief!!!

-Kio

ASAU was meant originally to be an outlet, and to be something that allowed for exploring things with the characters that mean so much to us. This is us being as genuine as we can be (while being self indulgent with our blorbos) and learning things along the way! I was INCREDIBLY clueless about a lot of the gender and orientation concepts presented as Asau flows onward at the beginning, but I wanted Kio to feel comfortable writing what makes them happy with me. So, I encouraged them to be self indulgent with Legend to start, “go ham, and I’ll listen when you explain things”. Thats what framed the mindset Warriors has, and as time has gone on, he and I have learned a lot! We’re better for it! And that that creates a space where our readers and online friends feel seen and safe is incredible to us. Im so glad you’re enjoying what we do here, it really does warm the heart. I hope you continue to enjoy!

-Mizu

#Comments #THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! AAAAA!!!!!! #Sorry we didn't answer this immediately gxgdhdhsj

[grimrester]

hi i dont have anywhere to deposit my umineko thoughts now that im a little more than 1/4th of the way through a playthrough so im depositing them here. mostly so i can come back later to see how right or wrong i am. i dont think this post would be interesting for anyone but myself. spoilers below the cut

some notes:

i am much less interested in the concrete individual mysteries and locked rooms than i am in the overall themes and meta-narrative

im watching a youtube playthrough so my ideas may be influenced by the youtubers

i just finished the scene of the second twilight in ep 3

i know/have seen enough of higurashi to know who bern and lamda are analogous to in that story

ive seen a handful of very very vague spoilers including: at some point maria also receives the title "the creator" (i do not know what that entails), rosa and shannon may become beatrices at some point (i saw fanart tagged similarly to evatrice fanart), battler becomes a "sorcerer," kinzo died 2 years ago somehow (???) and at some point there is a character who sentences people (i dont know who) to death in some kind of trial????

anyway here are some collected thoughts on theme assembled in no particular order:

i think the "point" of umineko is going to be that it's a story about storytelling. the "witches" very much all seem, to me, like young girls telling each other fucked up stories. in-text they frequently call each episode "a game" but it plays out much more like collective storytelling, where they all have varying amounts of influence. the magical fights in particular remind me of seeing people god-modding in rps on gaia online when i was 14.

beato is only just getting her footing when it comes to telling a story. she really wants to tell a gory fantasy story but battler refuses to engage with her story that way, and instead goes into it like a classic murder mystery. it frustrates her to have an audience that doesn't seem to perceive her story as "fun" like her fellow fucked up traumagirlie witches do.

virgilia is a more restrained storyteller who thinks more about the emotional aspect of stories, and this is why beato says she's always sucked at "these kinds of games" when they're having their magic fight where the goal is to ridiculously one-up each other.

battler is also a fledgling storyteller, but everyone around him wants to tell fantasy stories and he can't let go of stories more grounded in reality.

im guessing the trial i got spoiled for but haven't gotten to yet is going to put all the witches and maybe battler on trial for their storytelling techniques. the point will be to ask the reader to personally evaluate what value different kinds of stories have. maybe it'll also ask battler to prove concrete culprits for the murders in each episode?

there's also themes here about how empathy is a skill that children have to learn and how trauma can interrupt that learning. this is why most of the witches so far are described/portrayed as cruel but also innocent. they're delighted by gore, dress in ridiculous costumes, and engage in the power fantasy of being witches. it reeks of kids emulating my little pony creepypastas on deviantart because they need some kind of outlet (and, like, same).

all or most of the characters in tea parties represent some real-world person (that we will probably never meet). beato's real world equivalent has friends like her (bern and lamda) or older than her (virgilia and ronove), and likes the real-world battler. she tells stories trying to impress him and that's why she gets frustrated by the way he engages with them. the other tea party characters are essentially her friends dropping by mid-story and contributing to either make it more interesting, or to try and help her by steering her towards a story battler would like more. she's very emotionally stunted due to trauma. i would guess her real-world counterpart's history is similar to the story we hear about Beatrice from rosa. she has an older relative who is, at a minimum, inappropriately interested in her and grooming her.

some some random notes on the mystery solutions:

any magical explanation for the murders are "not true." they are Beatrice's initial explanations for the murders, but battler will eventually go in and work basically as an editor to retcon in real-world explanations. when someone becomes a "witch," this is actually them becoming the culprit (so eva is a culprit in ep 3).

kinzo is burned in every episode to hide that he actually died years ago. his appearance in late ep 2 is due to Beatrice's storytelling - he's not "actually there." the other characters just never found his body.

because kinzo is already dead, and by the red truth we know there are 18 people on the island, the actual 18th person is beato, perhaps? im not super confident in that one.

i feel like i have basically no ideas on the ep 1 murders. i think the faces mustve been smashed for a reason, so the culprit(s) is probably one of the first people murdered, but idk who or why. i think I'd have to go through ep 1 again to come up with anything. same for ep 3 coz i havent finished it.

for the epitaph solution, i think the sweetfish was a hint about following forest trails down to the ocean, then following the oceanline. much like rosa did as a child, this would eventually lead you to the "second mansion" where beatrice lived. this mansion is actually the same as the the first mansion, and they're connected somehow by the underground tunnels. the "two" people in the riddle refer to the two portraits of beatrice and they lead to a passage that connects the two mansions. idk about the middle part of the epitaph about the twilights. honestly i think it might be a red herring added later, as the execution of the twilights doesn't actually seem to revive beatrice (she doesn't really seem to have changed at all throughout the story so far - she sort of always has some level of presence and influence). but i might just think this bc i cant figure out any kind of wordplay puzzle with it.

i think battler gets pretty close to some of the solutions in ep 2. the first twilight is easiest i think. maria is given the key, someone (my guess is rosa) takes the key in the night and commits the murders, reseals the key and puts it back. rosa is shown buying sweets early in ep 2, and in ep 3 she is shown as having sleeping pills for maria. she invites her siblings to the chapel to "discuss" and offers them drugged sweets or other food during the discussion, then murders them after they pass out. (the corpses are frequently described as looking like they're just sleeping.) she does it because she thinks she's the closest to solving the mystery due to her experience as a child with beatrice, and doesn't trust any of her siblings not to steal the gold from her.

i dont think she does the later murders. those are by a different culprit, which is why battler has a hard time solving them - he keeps assuming it's the same person. my guess is whoever commits the later murders does them because they become paranoid after the first twilight. i think it must be one of the servants due to the master key issue but im not sure who, so im stuck from there.

that's all! im excited to find out how wrong i am!

#txt

[salaciousslut]

Youre making me blush 🫣 now i gotta get strong enough to lift up a full grown adult its only right ☺️ and good! Im glad its not too cold!! Tho it sucks you cant get all dolled up in your winter clothes :( where im at we dont have much humidity so its been real cold for those born and raised here (i have been freezing tbh)

You have no clue how needy that made me, please bite me and leave marks everywhere holy fuck <3 and jesus christ youre so precious, like i feel a bit evil for the things i wanna do to you 🥺

Well! I hate to say it but if i get you drunk enough to pass out I'll still force my strap in you. But don't worry on missing out, you'll get a video of it anyways 🥰 I'll make sure you'll see how nice my cock looks in your pussy <33 only thing that sucks is that i cant cum in your pretty passed out body and i want to so fucking badly 🫣

Im also a floor person!!! Its actually so smart that you have a lil nook for yourself, like im jealous i didnt have that idea 😭 do u name your stuffed animals?? I wanna know bc I do >:3

I love that crocheting has become stress relief for you!! I like when creative outlets are also emotional ones like that makes me happy. You got a practical skill that also helps you out i am looking at you with love in my eyes and admiration in my heart 🥰

Tbh my favorite part of the day was getting back home, my job is literally so boring!! As for my intrests im a huge dork tbh. I love video games and Hades is my favorite game at the moment. Im also a huge animation buff, i love anything animated from short films on youtube to anime to fucking BoJack Horseman (i love that show, and u can kill me for that). And i also have strange interests like theology, religion is just so interesting to me. Oh and last lil fun fact abt me that i can think of: I almost went to college to double major in psychology and comp sci.

nooooo let me keep you warm then!!! im like w lil toaster oven with how warm i get. some come over!!! but i feel you! im not meant for the cold.

i loveeee evil!! i support evil!! i love being a chew toy and repaying the gift!!

ughhhhh please i would watch that video over and over again!!! plus i wanna watch it with u hehehe!!and we can try hard babe because its gonna happen, we gonna get u to cum in me dont worry. scientists will figure it out. ill figure it out!!

come to my nook then hehehe!! i can fit one more person!! and no i dont name them. im sooo baf with names so i just stick to their official government names. but now i wanna know the names of your stuffed animals!!

omg what if i told u i loveeeee watching other people play video games?? its literally my fav pass time and i just really like all the graphics without actually having to put in effort to try and win. so i feel like that goes hand in hand with animation right?? idk i just love visuals sm but i love that u love them!

omg sooo cool! religion is such an interesting topic so i would totally listen to u with heart eyes too!!

hehe i love psych!!! i have a psych minor and those were some of my fav classes!! i wanna teach u about them now

#ci answers #butch my beloved

[star-ocean-peahen]

Christmas is a time for famil.............ial dysfunction!!

hahahahaha im the only person in this house who doesn't explode when upset hahahahahaha isnt it funny how that sounds like im a better person but i really just lash out quietly and sarcastically instead hahahahahaha and thats definitely worse because it's more insidious and hurts people when they have less of a chance to understand it hahahahahahaha

hahaha dad snapped at me for trying to protect my sibling from his forceful anxious rants and like yeah thats not the best way to go about the situation i see that now. its not going to work to tell him he's said enough because 1) he does not want to hear that 2) he does not want to hear that from me 3) hed never stop anyway because hes not ACTUALLY saying it for other people's benefit he's saying it because he doesn't believe emotional validation is a legitimate emotional need so he doesn't allow himself to have it so his anxieties have to come out somehow and this is how they do that and i cant really get down on him for that because i did it too!! when you dont have another outlet the anxieties will still come out but just in a non-constructive way!! of course whenever MINE did that he mocked me and made sure i knew EXACTLY how disgusting and cruel he thought i was being but BECAUSE of that i know how it feels and i dont want to do it to him!! the point is that i dont want anyone else to feel like i did and that includes the person who made me feel that way!! because he doesn't really deserve the grace and respect he never gave me but im going to try to give it to him anyway!! because thats the point of breaking the cycle!! but hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my drive to protect my younger sibling is stronger in the moment than my drive to break the cycle and i dont know what to DO to do it the right way and i dont have to get it right esp when it isnt my job.................i just hate to see him saying things that hurt me so much to them...........

and its so fuckign. hard to remember that small humans have no better way of dealing with their emotions so they express them in non-constructive ways. because theyre being little rats.

and my mom is like the only one actually trying to make this celebration fun for everyone and she cant handle the emotional weight of everyone's problems on top of organizing the entire holiday for everyone. she can't do it. i watched her break down in the kitchen. shes doing better now but its not fair!! its not fair that this is happening to her!! its not fair that this is happening to us all!! its not fair that i had to be strong for her when i was repressing all of these feelings!! its not fucking fair that i love them so much!!

and im part of the problem!! i know that!! i make situations worse because im upset!! i tell my dad off for not deescalating when i suck at deescalating too!! im catty and petty and im definitely traumatizing my siblings in the way i was and thats eating me up inside!! i dont know how to do this better and i cant be expected to do this better but FUCK i hate it!!

i just. i wish my siblings could calm themselves down i wish my dad could successfully deescalate situations and not get into stupid arguments that he has to win to make up for his lack of consistent validation i wish my mom could stop yelling at my siblings i wish she could have enough support that she doesnt have to feel anxious i wish my family was NOT SO FUCKING DYSFUNCTIONAL.

its silly goofy but my anthem for when my dad makes me feel bad is the living tombstone song "i can't fix you" because it makes me feel better but its not just that i cant fix them i cant even HELP them. or even if i can i hurt more than i help. wanting to help doesnt translate to succeeding. fuck. i just. i just dont want anyone to feel like i did. but i make them feel that way more than i save them from it. fuck. do i have a thing about saving people. do i care more about feeling like i saved someone than actually being what they need. i dont fucking know.

#yanno when i reblogged that post yesterday that was like compassion for people who have trouble with the holidays i wasnt #expecting it to apply to ME #because somehow every year i forget that christmases are a recipe for disaster #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #lassie vents #vent #idk even what to tag this #tw christmas

[goremet-chef]

DREADFUL so dreadful but the only step is to just reach forward. like all i need to do is pick up my pen but i cant. wish i could tho

art will always be my passion, even if it bothers me sometimes. its all ive ever been good at, fantastic outlet for creativity and emotional buildup but i just. sometimes i cant move and i dont know why and its literally inches away from me but i can hardly move forward yknow? im fine physically, but mentally its like this huge step that seems so intimidating

i feel like i live off of outcomes and when the outcome isnt certain my brain goes haywire and holds me in place until the outcome can settle. but? this outcome IS the same. its so easy, ive done it before. reach and grab, draw what yr dying to draw

im drowning myself in lethal company things im so excited and im . all my minecraft ocs and my sotf ocs like i have so much i need to make and just.. no will to do it. but i want to! want to more than anything. id feel better if i did, which is true i would feel better. when it builds up inside you its OVERWHELMING like insanely so. i can get it out and free myself if i just DO it but theres always this barrier between what i want and what i actually do yknow? very lame

yknow art is my passion even if it hurts me sometimes it makes me very happy and i like to create, everyone likes to create. i like to see what i can do, like to bring all these buzzing thoughts to reality. can hardly hold onto them long enough to do that but i try at least. sometimes i feel really really unreliable and i dont know why?

i dont do commissions anymore, i pretty much ONLY draw for myself. who are you disappointing? who do you THINK yr disappointing? no one even remembers all the times you say "im drawing this 😼", YOU dont even remember all the times you say that. theres no pressure, you can do it whenever you want, it doesnt make you worse or anything. art is for you, you'll get to it when you can

yes :] i think i probably will. im just trying to make myself feel better honestly its something that eats at me and i dont know why?

its like some HORRIBLE combination of impostor syndrome and bpd fears like "oh no im not good enough!!! i need to provide i need to create for others to consume to prove im worthy" and then when i DO create, when too many people like it its.. i feel like ive conned them, surely i didnt make something that good, i must have faked it somehow and the attention is undeserved

SHIT LIKE THAT honest to god all my mento illnesses come together and hold hands like some really fucked up version of the power rangers. all of them collide in the WORST ways possible its. what is bro doing in there !!!! seriously its actually comically tragic but i live in spite this, i probably always will live in spite of it. sometimes im like wow lets let everything wash over and give up, this hell isnt worth it. but isnt it? back and forth black and white, world is ending world is beautiful type shit. when it feels over i just try to remember all that stuff that and it forces me to remember that there is no giving up on this, wouldnt give it up for the world. its mine and ill keep it

as i was saying tho, i feel so much happier drawing when i try to keep it out of mind. like yes, of course i love the attention. who doesnt? but i used to be INCREDIBLY numbers driven for like. hefty chunk of my art history. like little 11 yr old me breaking coppa on dA had so much fun just drawing hot garbage and sharing it and it never got like any likes but i didnt even CARE i just. to be able to create and share is the best part of all

i wish i was like him again. im not that boy, not anymore, but i remember him and i keep him close. all that cringe bullshit and i was having so much fun

ill give myself some credit yknow. im an adult, money is a necessity in this world. art becomes more of a chore and something i feel pressured on because logically its the only thing i can DO right to make a quick buck like. its the one thing i know i can do. but having my passion turn into something like that? dreadful

sometimes you cant avoid it, i just have to do my best to look past it and recognize that beneath all that shit. theres something in me that needs to draw, the same thing that forces me to carry sketchbooks and pencils with me wherever i go, even if i never use them. just this lingering presence that screams at me and tells me that i will create. i will! i will create

#weird ramble #just talking to myself lol #AS IS MY RIGHT its my blog shut up

[spacedykez]

oh right i was gonna. send an ask in. crap okay- for the writer ask game; 15, 23, 33, 35, 55, 62, and 87 (random)

(writing ask game!)

15. where do you share your writing? sigh. im tired of linking things nixxxx i just made two long posts with tons of links today /lh but that does mean the links are easily available! here’s my ao3 and here’s #paciFics.

23. how do you deal with writers block? badly. ususally by simply Not Writing. very bad practice. lately (as in the last few months) my strategy has been scoll #whump prompts or @/prompts-in-a-barrel to get myself in the mood and then write a shorter thing inspired by that. unfortunately as you can see from my ao3 i have a tendency to lose interest in longfics and once i do i just. never get back to them. sigh. hyperfixations my beloved and beloathed

33. do you start with the characters or the plot when writing? i mean, that depends. sometimes i get fic ideas that are "this character does this" (cough branzypierce) and sometimes i get fic ideas that are just "oh, this would be a cool thing to write (magic by moonlight). branzypierce fics have been All character, but also quite a bit inspired by quotes actually. bleeding out in your arms tonight literally came to my mind when i read this:

35. tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot

oh gosh okay well i mean most of the characters i latch on to are because i see myself in them at least a little. double life pearl, i suppose. i feel the abandoned thing a bit because i do tend to feel very lonely especially since i wouldn't say i have very many friends irl, but really she's not like me at all. then again, i've never been in a death game! but for all i joke about violence i really would never hurt anyone. somebody'd stab me and i'd apologize.

55. do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them? well. a question i accidentally answered! okay so i have several longfics lying abandoned (but trust me they don't leave my mind i feel guilty constantly) including scott's eternal winter, which was e1!scott turns evil and instead of corruption covering the world, it's ice/snow. i have tried to write the next at least five times and i have the outline and chapter titles i just. Can't find the motivation.

alone was pure torture (no, literally. i mean. like. that was the fic) i left it because i never really watched the dsmp enough to have a good characterization of anyone and also it just felt. i don't know. too much. people say a lot of tommy fics are torture/trauma porn or something like that and i just felt like it was too angsty.

the legend of the stag siblings i feel bad about. i just think i rushed the plot and it wasn't as well-written as it could have been and also i just. Lost motivation. if i were to pick it back up again (which i do still love the concept) i would rewrite it quite a bit.

and then on this topic i have two like 3000 word oneshots i never published. one is an owl house fic that i could probably post and just say it's incomplete, it's completely readable, i just had more plot planned and then got sucked into mcyt again. and the other is an old basically ventfic (the closest i've ever written) with o!scott. the problem was that i used it as an outlet for my emotions and that worked too well so i never finished it because by the time i hit like 3k words i wasn't in that headspace anymore and i couldn't bring myself to try to get back into it to finish the story.

oh. long answer whoops. um well they haunt me okay. im terrified magic by moonlight will join them cause so many people like it and i don't want to let them down and- okay. shush paci.

62. what’s the weirdest reason you’ve ever shipped something? because i hate my streamer. one guess as to what this is referring to. yes it's ace race x sally. i am starting to be unironically here for the narrative of the wilbur soot ace race saga god help me.

87. does your writing style change depending on the genre you write?

well, i mean i don't know? i only really write fantasy/fanfiction but i would say probably yes? like i do enjoy experimenting with different styles sometimes. my favorites have been Journal, Yin And Yang, bleeding out, and Flicker just because i tried really out-there and obvious style choices and i do really like them. you haven't read journal, yin/yang, and flicker i'm sure.

but journal was an experiment in writing first-person pov, yin/yang was one of my first times writing this sort of opposites-symbolism thing i really like where it's sort of playing with antonyms (light/dark, order/chaos) and since then i've sort of improved on that to add more metaphor/description to my fics. and i'm still SUCH a sucker for good comparisons like this. bleeding out was fun because i added the parentheses to create this growing sense of dread and tension (i really think it worked). and flicker was all about description which was a fun excercise!

on this sort of topic, my writing style wasn't that different but antlers was SO fun to write and i can't tell you why without spoiling it but i LOVE it so mucchhhhhh

#asks #nix tag #ask games #this was quite the trip #gosh i haven't thought about some of these in months

[introspectionofaqueer]

just a glimpse

today, i finally had a little taste of what life might be like once this is over. i had just a glimpse of who i might be after its all said and done with. just a little tiny bit at a time its getting easier. each passing day just hurts slightly less than the previous. today i did a couple hours worth of yard work, something about it just feels so rewarding. then i went and got my check from my job that i no call no showed at which im proud of myself for doing, i thought i was gonna be too anxious to go through with showing my face in there. got 120 bucks though, im glad i went. i need all i can get right now, money do be kinda tight still. then i had dinner at texas roadhouse and ate so much fucking food i thought id burst. unfortunately while i was at the restaurant was probably the hardest part of my day, i had nothing but my moms company to distract me and when im with her id rather be in my head. but after i made it through that i came home and finally started stranger things season 4. my opinion so far, it seems like a totally different show. not in a bad way, its definitely cool. just definitely doesnt seem to connect to the other seasons, the flow is not as clear. maybe theyll make it all connect shit idk, im only on episode three. to end my evening ive been laying in bed practicing my ukulele and drawing, and it feels so nice to have a creative outlet. i honestly kind of hate commission work. it makes me feel pressured and constrained. my friend asked me if they could pay me to draw them a furry of themselves and i started on it but im stuck on the fucking hands and its making me so frustrated i havent touched the drawing in days. so ive been drawing other shit instead, but oh well...maybe ill get around to finishing it. when i was at the restaurant with my mom i did something i really am not proud of and have been trying to figure out why i reacted this way. they brought us 4 rolls and i had eaten two of them, precisely my half of the basket. my mom made a comment saying we needed more, and i said i was good. then she said something like , "you and samantha are always eating all of the bread and then wont ask for more." and i snapped back at her soooo fast and in a really defensive and angry tone, "I only ate two of them. thats literally half." i guess i dont like how shes always comparing me to my sister, i hate being lumped in with someone else who im nothing like. i want to be seen as my own individual, not the other version of her favorite child. i was also irritated that she was implying i ate "all of the bread" when i literally only ate my half. i just wish i had the ability to stop myself and think in situations and respond calmly and thoughtfully express my emotions instead of snapping back. at least the first step is awareness, and i know my defensiveness is something i need to work on. blame the aries in me, i guess. not saying thats an excuse but...could be an explanation. ive always had so much anger and frustration that it comes out at the slightest inconvenience. i dont know why im so angry. i guess i feel hurt by the world, resentful of my situation. i need to stop feeling and treating myself like a victim. ive always been so angry, that my parents sucked, that i got a chronic disease, that im not straight or cis, that i cant think or feel like neurotypical people. im so angry that ive always had to be an outsider. its not fair. i want to be accepted. why wont they accept me? havent i been through enough? i guess its never enough until you learn your lesson to get off your ass and stop pitying yourself. no one else is going to take care of me so i better suck it the fuck up and do it my god damn self. and i better make it fucking worth it.

[sunflowerhotline]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS PT.3

🦩Neptune in 1st and 5th people can often suffer from conditions like body dysmorphia due to an innate inability to see themselves as they truly are. keep in mind that this is not always the case but it is certainly very common with this aspect.

🦩In synastry, jupiter, uranus and/or venus in the 1st house is indicative of the planet person loving the house person’s body. jupiter likes and appreciates the ascendant’s body and usually goes out of their way to make the house person feel good about themselves, inside and out. uranus tends to be wholly accepting of the house person’s body which is usually a very welcomed feeling for the house person. venus usually sees the house person as their physical ideal.

🦩Aquarius MC natives usually do something first, then people follow. they’re trendsetters.

EX: Matisse Thybulle (20° Aquarius MC) is the NBA player who started “NBA Bubble Vlogs” and then many other players started doing the same thing.

🦩The house that the 8th house ruler falls in indicates your soulmate.

EX: 8th house ruler (Saturn) in 11th could indicate that your soulmate is one of your [older//male] friends.

🦩2nd house ruler in the 2nd house indicates spending money on or investing in things that bring you comfort. this is also a position indicative of emotional eating and emotional shopping.

🦩people with 8th house suns and 11th house suns tend to be very difficult people to truly get to know.

8th house suns are more outwardly mysterious so it’s less surprising when one realises they don’t know much about them.

11th house suns are seemingly more open and are very friendly. they relate to people in a way that gives others the impression that they know everything about them when they really don’t.

🦩mercury in 12th house people have others talk over them on a regular basis. they’ll be in the middle of a sentence and someone just cuts them off and starts talking about something else or they just get ignored completely.

🦩a lot of people with 10th and 11th house stelliums are actually introverts. they can be social butterflies when they’re ready and they do love interacting with others and meeting new people but social interaction can actually be draining for these people. these are the people who are the life of the party when they go to an event but then disappear and go into hibernation for 3 months after.

🦩moon square saturn in synastry is a lot more common than people even realise. many, many, many married couples have this aspect together! it may be a more difficult aspect to have but the people who have this aspect in their synastry usually believe that they’re gonna be together forever (and they usually are) so eventually they decide to work out their problems. i’ve noticed that couples with this aspect get closer to each other after experiencing any kind of hardship or tragedy; their bond is strengthened through overcoming things together. it’s not easy but it is an indicator of undying devotion.

🦩pisces and sagittarius placements get along way better than cookbook astrology gives them credit for. they seem to really compliment each other. pisces usually softens sagittarius up and sagittarius usually appreciates the pisces kindness. they accept each other’s differences really well and allow each other to be who they are. they give each other the freedom they both require.

🦩someone’s ascendant conjunct your midheaven (mc) may indicate that you look up to them. in a sense, they’re everything you’ve ever wanted to be…or they at least come off that way

🦩people with hard mercury-saturn aspects have deep and (kinda) monotone voices. they have a tendency to talk slowly; they take their time with their words. when explaining something they also have a tendency to say “uh//hmm//umm” or “do you know what i mean?”. they’re voices are also pretty recognisable

EX: Harry Styles (Aquarius Mercury @ 29° conjunct Pisces Saturn @ 0°) has a distinct, deep speaking voice. In interviews, he is known to speak slowly as if he’s really thinking about what he is saying or is about to say. he is also a frequent user of “ahm” in his sentences.

🦩virgo placements are really good at folding.

🦩MANY MANY MANY MANY musicians have neptune in 3rd. it bestows a sort of mesmerising musical talent to the natives who are blessed enough to have this placement. they have great voices and may also be gifted with instruments.

EX: Beyoncé, Jay-Z, Madonna, Kurt Cobain, Britney Spears, Harry Styles (again lol), John Mayer, Jaden Smith, Dua Lipa, Marvin Gaye, Louis Armstrong, Halsey etc.

🦩neptune in 10th natives can have a “can’t-do-wrong” reputation. people can see them as angels on earth even when that may not be the case. these people could also do some kind of humanitarian work for a living or be involved with many causes. many people with this placement complain about being seen in a way that isn’t who they truly are. neptune in the house of public perception tends to allow others to project whatever they want onto the native; they can be very misunderstood by people around them.

EX: Diana, Princess of Wales, Oprah Winfrey, Jesus Christ, Bernie Sanders, Walt Disney, Aaliyah, Gigi Hadid.

🦩women with their moon in a house ruled by a masculine planet (1st, 5th, 7th, 9th, 10th, 11th) could have many male friends but have trouble maintaining some friendships with men because the male friend may develop romantic feelings for her. it happens A LOT.

the opposite goes for men. men with their moons in feminine houses (2nd, 4th, 8th, 12th) could have many female friends but one or a few of them may develop feelings for him. these are more private houses so she/they may never confess their feelings

🦩people with 10th house venus often attract and go for older partners and im not talking about people who are like 20 years older (ik that can happen but it’s a rare case) but people who are like right outside their age group so maybe 5-6 years older.

these people can also experience getting “hit on” by older people while they are very young.

🦩air mars gets a reputation for being lethargic, overly polite, non-physical and low energy but air martians just need an outlet to put their energy into. lots of athletes have air mars

EX: Kobe Bryant (Libra Mars), Kyrie Irving (Aquarius Mars), Bam Adebayo (Libra Mars), Tiger Woods (Gemini Mars), Tom Brady (Gemini Mars), Lance Armstrong (Aquarius Mars), Lou Gehrig (Libra Mars), Floyd Mayweather (Aquarius Mars), Marcus Smart (Aquarius Mars)

🦩lots of basketball players also have venus-mars aspects

EX: Kawhi Leonard ( conjunction in Leo), Kobe Bryant (conjunction in Libra), Jayson Tatum (sextile - capricorn/pisces), Vince Carter (sextile - pisces/capricorn), Steph Curry (trine - taurus/capricorn), Zion Williamson (conjunction in Cancer), Lonzo Ball (conjunction in Sagittarius), Magic Johnson (conjunction in Virgo)

#astro observations #mercury #saturn #11th house #moon in the houses #celebs #synastry #ascendant #midheaven #mc #sports astrology #air mars #neptune #pisces #sagittarius #8th house #1st house #mine #astro notes #astrology

[its-me-im-coraline]

Since we were younger // Thomas Raggi

words // 1441

warnings // fluff and angst

pairing // Thomas Raggi x F!Reader

author's note // if you want to be on the tag list let me know. i was planning on putting this photo on some headcannons so if you see it twice in my fics excuse me lol. I actually really fucking loved this trope omg, it came out pretty good! I'm also excited cause i keep writing more and more words as i go with writing fanfiction and yay im excited.

request // yes, here and here

summary // Reader is Victoria’s sister and the same age as Thomas. The two were in the same class in school, always around each other and even more as they grew older. Lots of angsty emotions and mutual pinning later Victoria invites her sister to the Maneskin house were all the secrets come out.

It all started at a young age. They met as kids, maybe around the age of six, never once thinking of each other as anything more than friends. They would play around, yell at each other, get hurt and take care of one another; and all over again went the cycle. The though of love was not in the picture yet, not that they would understand it.

As teenage years rolled around is when they first started seeing the symptoms of feelings in their behaviors. Y/N was the first to notice her feelings, understanding very quickly that she were simply fucked. It was a simple moment, one that under most circumstances would go unnoticed - but that’s how love is, it hits you like a lightning, no warning, no nothing.

It was a Sunday, she remembers that distinctively, it was after the band was all together and grouping us at the home studio to work on their music, inviting some friends over to help them relax after working all day. Victoria had obviously invited her little sister to tag along, knowing very well that even is she didn’t a very tall blonde skinny boy would. It was literally nothing out of th ordinary, Y/N was just sitting next to Thomas, feet dipped in the pool, the moon was up lighting up the space just enough for the two to see each other as they spoke about nothing and everything. The conversation started about foods continuing to games and movies and then fighting over movie characters and in that moment Y/N knew. She caught herself looking at the boy for a little too long, touching her leg to his as they sat too close on the pool side. She found herself longing to be held by him, but she kept it in. She knew that with their career taking off she had no chance to be with Thomas.

Victoria was the second person to figure out that either of the two teenagers had feelings for each other. Not few were the times she would catch her sister stealing glances at the band’s guitarist, or hugging him for longer than anyone else. She also was not blind and she could see how they held each other during those summer nights they spend by the pool, before and during the aforementioned visit. They clung onto each other for dear life, becoming pouty when either had to go for a few minutes. Originally she ignored it writing off as them just being… well, them - considering that that’s how they were together since they were children, until one day the younger girl confided in her when they were back at their own house.

“I think I really like him, Vic.”

“That’s amazing, Y/N! Oh my, that’s good news! Thomas is a good guy-”

“Yeah, but one that does not want me and would struggle to be with me now.”

“Why would he stru-”

“Vic, are you blind?! Do you not see your life right now? You are working like crazy, show here, show there… Dami already had a relationship and he’s struggling to keep up, let alone me with Thomas, on a new relationship,” she rambled, telling herself that this would be the only reason Thomas would not want to be with her; or at least she was trying to convince herself that she really cared about that reasoning.

Victoria said nothing after that, dropping the subject but never forgetting her sister’s thoughts. Instead she opted to observing the two younger teenagers. It was extremely obvious how they harbored feelings for each other, at least until Thomas got into a short-lived relationship.

Y/N was heartbroken, going back to her sister in hopes of calming her mind and tears. Being Thoma’s best friend came with all the complaining about ‘why doesn’t she show that she likes me’ until he asked her out and the ‘she is so amazing, last night this…’ type of conversations. She could not refuse him an outlet to rant, that’s what they did since they were kids, rant about the good and the bad, never judging each other. But this time Y/N could not take it. It all felt too much, feeling the pain of rejection and feeding her own head with insecurities day after day… she broke, in the arms of Victoria.

The third people to figure it out were both Ethan and Damiano. They happened to be sitting next to each other as Thomas stormed in the living room, fuming from his anger, his face being red, ready to burst.

“What’s gotten your knickers in a twist, buddy?” Asked Damiano, always in good spirit but truly surprised at his friends expression.

Thomas looked like he could not possibly get any angrier but that was proven wrong as Damiano finished his question. He slowly turned his head to face him, giving him a glare before huffing and looking at the floor. “She’s dating him.” He spit out the last word as if venom, pointing at a photo on his phone.

It was a photo of Victoria’s sister, sitting on the lap of a boy they both knew in school. Y/N sent it to Thomas while letting him know of her current flirt. She never believed it would become very serious, so she did not think to much of this conversation. Truth be told, she knew Thom was in a relationship which is the reason she looked into dating other people. She kept thinking how she should not stay like that, wallowing in the pain he was so oblivious towards, but her mind would not drift far away.

“Didn’t you go to school with him?” Asked Ethan, more to Damiano than Thomas, knowing the latter was to livid to respond.

“Yes. He’s a year older than them, His name’s Ignazio,” he responded, turning back to the youngest of the three. “So what exactly is your problem. You have a girlfriend.”

Thomas huffed, again, at Damiano’s words, looking down, being truly unaware as to why he even bothered. “He -agh… He just is not good enough for her. I just care for my best friends, you wouldn’t understand.” He pulled his phone out of Ethan’s hands, storming of the room.

At that the two remaining boys shared a knowing look, understanding very well that if Thomas did not figure out his feelings soon, the two would have problems.

The last person to understand was Thomas. It was the latest time the band had gotten to the studio home with their friends. It was right after eurovision, Thomas’ relationship was long broken at that point, Y/N’s as well. This time around the two were sitting at the steps of the patio, cigarette held between trembling hands, as the chilly night took over them. She looked so cold, so vulnerable, so fucked out after spending all day by the pool, swimming and sunbathing. Oh, to be the sun looking down at her, touching her beautiful face with the hot rays. Thomas was infatuated, taken aback by just how wonderful she looked that night, her skin glowing under the moonlight. As she sat there shivering is when Thomas realized he liked her- no, no, was in love with her, and he knew he had to act now.

“Are you cold, dolcessa? I have a jacket you can borrow.”

“I do actually,” she whispered, not sure if it was truly ok for her to even say it.

“Give me a moment, I’ll bring it,” Thomas responded, smashing his cigarette on the tray and practically running inside to bring his jacket.

As he came back he laid the piece of fabric on the girl’s back, making a point of holding her close afterwards, giving her extra warmth. “Is this any better?”

“Perfect,” she sighed, settling into the boy’s arms.

“You know, Y/N… You look absolutely beautiful right now.” He decided to be bold this moment, he couldn’t wait any longer, in fears of any more Ignazios taking her away.

“Oh, do I?”

“You do. I-I just want to say I like you,” he let out, not even thinking of what to say, quickly thinking that his way of expressing it was idiotic.

“You do?”

“I do, Y/N, truly. And it took me too long to realize.”

“Maybe you are a bit clueless, if you think about it,” she laughed, placing her palms on his sweet face. “You sweet, sweet puppy,” she said in a soft tone, all the while eying the man’s lips.

“Well, why don’t you make this sweet puppy very happy and just… kiss me?”

“Maybe I will.”

tag list: @bieberhoodforever @tabi-toast @ginny-lily @moriro-da-regina @the-killer-queenie

#maneskin imagine #maneskin fanfiction #maneskin #thomas raggi imagine #thomas raggi

[obithoes]

Hello I hope you’re doing well! Can I request something juicy and passionate with kakashi please

breath of fresh air: kakashi hatake

warnings: angst, dry humping, unprotected sex

authors note: hello anon i’m doing well, and i hope you are doing good as well. i would like to apologize for how long this took, but i do hope you enjoy it!

word count: 1820

Rolling onto your side you opened your eyes, while adjusting to the darkness they landed on the figure sitting at the edge of your bed. It was late, later than he usually would come home. The mission he was sent on a week ago got extended so you assumed he just made it back. Pushing yourself up, you rubbed your eyes clearing the blurriness from them. “Kashi?” your voice was hoarse, clearing your throat you asked him another question “What are you still doing up?”

Kakashi gave you no answer, he was perched at the foot of your bed slumped over, elbows resting on his knees and head hanging low. It’s clear Kakashi made a beeline to your shared bedroom, not bothering to shower first; the dirty torn uniform clinging to his body gave that away. However that didn’t bother you, seeing that he was in a state of disquiet did. Taking note of this you untangled yourself from the sheets, moving behind him you rubbed your hands up his back before resting them on his shoulders.

Your touch caused the tension coursing through his body to decrease, but it didn’t completely fade. You allowed a few minutes of silence to pass before speaking again. You knew Kakashi was in one of his moods, you always noticed the signs immediately. When he got like this you were sure to help him before things escalated.

Kakashi once said to you that being with you was the true meaning of a breath of fresh air. Before he met you Kakashi was drowning, the pain and guilt he felt daily was almost enough to completely consume him, it would’ve too if it wasn’t for you. You were his saving grace, he once told this you late at night as he laid in your arms. It was one of those nights where he just needed to be in your presence, touching you and embracing all your warmth; this night seemed to be the same.

“Talk to me my love, what happened on the mission?” Your tone held genuine concern, at this he placed on of his hands over yours then squeezing it as a deep sigh escaped him. Kakashi despised voicing his emotions, it was never something he enjoyed or found meaning in. However after spending three years with you, Kakashi learned that doing so wasn’t as bad as he thought, it actually helped him.

You became the outlet for his personal thoughts and feelings. Some of things he told you would’ve made a lot of people turn away and leave, but you never did. You never once judged or treated him any different and he loved you for it. You helped Kakashi through a lot of his battles and he could never repay you for that. You were too precious to him, he promised himself that he would always protect you up until his last breath.

The grip on your hand tightened as he spoke “Casualties, none of them — I almost didn’t —“ Cutting himself off for the second time Kakashi deeply inhaled through his nose before continuing. “I needed to make sure you were alright” His tone proved him to be in a state of distress, you could tell he was holding on by a thin thread.

You didn’t need him to continue, you understood exactly what he meant. Whenever Kakashi faced an enormous amount of loss from the team he was on it impacted him greatly. He always feared you would be gone when he returned home — he would spend all the time he could with you before his next mission. This would result in home coming home needy, craving your affection until he was called in for the next mission.

“Let’s get you in bed baby” Removing yourself from the bed you stood up in front of him, peeling his clothing of his body. You first started by removing his shoes, you worked your way up his body until the only thing he was left in was his underwear and mask. He rarely wore his mask at home when he was with you so you removed it from his face, dropping it in the pile with the rest of his clothes.

Holding his face in your hands he looked up at you, his eyes were filled with warmth and need. He pulled you closer to him, burying his face in your stomach, pressing kisses to the soft flesh. Wrapping his arms around your waist he pulled you down onto the bed with him. You landed on top of Kakashi, looking up at him you took in the faint smile adorning his beautiful face. Dragging your body up you placed a long loving kiss on his lips, pulling away you rested your forehead against his.

His hands were rubbing the back of your thighs, slightly leaning up he placed another kiss to your lips before speaking in a hushed voice. “I need you” Sometimes just holding you wasn’t enough for Kakashi, he needed to be connected to you and you were always more than willing.

Nodding you sat up, placing a hand in his chest before he had the chance to sit up. “Let me take care of you” before continuing you ducked to give him another kiss “You’re always taking such good care of me, now let me take care of you” With a whimper of approval you sat yourself on top of his clothed cock, pushing your hips down. Taking hold of your hips Kakashi pushed you further down.

You started off by rolling your hips in a slow manner, after a few minutes your pace rapidly picked up. Kakashi was rutting his hips up to match your movements. Groans were spilling from his mouth as he tugged at the large shirt, the only piece of clothing covering your body. You quickly discarded your shirt, tossing it across the room before placing your hands back on his chest once. Immediately after doing so Kakashi raised his hands to your chest tugging at your hardened nipples.

The room was filling up with the soft moans groans leaving both of you. Your hips were moving with fervor, desperately trying to bring him to his orgasm. The grip Kakashi had on your waist tighten, his eyes screwed shut as his hips thrust upwards one final time before he stills, spilling into his underwear with a loud groan. Leaning forward you placed open mouth kisses against his neck and ear. “That’s it, let go for me”

Once he regained his senses Kakashi flipped you over pinning you against the bed in a haste. A gasp leaves your mouth at the sudden change. In a flash Kakashi stripped off his underwear, hiking your legs up giving you the opportunity to wrap them around his waist.

Kakashi wasted no time, grabbing hold of his cock he rubbed it against your entrance, spreading your wetness. You were so wet, allowing him to slip in with ease; you were always so open and accepting of what he had to offer. Burying his face into your neck a deep moan left his mouth at the feeling of pulpy walls hugging him.

Kakashi bottomed out leaving you feeling so full. He stood still inside of you for a few seconds before moving. His hips snapped against yours in fervid pace, one of his arms were wrapped around your waist hold you close to him while the other was rested by your head giving him support. The sound of flesh snacking against each other mixed together with your moans is music to his ears.

Kakashi’s senses were going into overdrive, being this close to you, inhaling your intoxicating scent, listening to the noises leaving your mouth was overwhelming. He loves you so much, he can’t can’t imagine life without and it makes him cry. Tears pour from Kakashi’s eyes at the feeling from being embraced in your warmth, he knew for a long time that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

Feeling your neck become wet you used your hands to make Kakashi look at you, he was crying, this usually would cause concern to grow but you knew he wasn’t sad. Pressing his forehead against yours Kakashi gave you a needy kiss “I love you” before saying anything else he gave you another kiss, that lasted longer “I love you so much y/n” Kakashi has told you numerous times before that he loved you but it felt different this time, a good a different and it made you cry right along with him.

This feeling surround the two of you was too intense, you were both overwhelmed by the love you held for one another. You didn’t want it to end but you were both so close. You pulled kiss face into another kiss, pulling back you whispered against his lips “Im so in love with you Kakashi” This time you pulled him for a longer kiss full of teeth, tongue and tears.

His grip on your hips tightened at your words, he started to pound deeper inside of you. Choked sobs and cries of his name left your mouth. At the same time your hips bucked up and his stilled, without warning the two of you released together. Kakashi gave you a few more gentle thrust before completely stilling inside of you, allowing the two of you to come down from your mind shattering orgasms.

Once regaining your breaths Kakashi pulled out and pulled you against his chest. His hands rubbed small circles into your back while you placed feathered kisses on his chest. Breaking the silence Kakashi spoke up “I wanted to wait for the right time but it seems like there won’t be a better moment than this” you remained silent waiting for him to continue “You’re the only person I want to come home to for the rest of life, so I want to know if you’ll marry me y/n”

After a few moments of silence passed by Kakashi grew nervous, it wasn’t until he heard you sniffling that he was sure you were awake. You picked your head up turning to look up at him, tears were in your eyes and your face had the biggest smile he’s ever seen. You moved your face close to his, rubbing your nose against this before speaking. “Nothing would make me happier than marrying you” At the end of your answer you gave him a kiss which he gladly returned.

Years of searching for happiness finally came to an end. Being in your embrace, cherishing all the love you had to offer never failed to make Kakashi’s heart rate to pick up. He offered you his heart on a sliver platter and you gladly accepted while returning the favor. Before falling asleep all Kakashi could think about is how you truly are the meaning of a breath of fresh air.

#kakashi hatake #kakashi hatake x reader #kakashi hatake imagines #kakashi x reader #naruto imagines #anon ask #anonymous

[kingsephir]

I cut my hair really short and now im sad about it. But I cut it bc it was falling out like crazy and being horrible and getting everywhere and I found it disgusting and disturbing (all the hair everywhere)

But it’s just hair and when I get healthy again and it stops falling out I’ll grow it back out.

But idk. Im sad about it :(( I want it to be so long. But it was making me so mad. I think its a delayed thing from being so sick a couple months ago.

I miss my mom. I don’t miss the weird way she’d treat me but I miss the her that would treat me well and talk tk me and we’d have fun.

I feel bad for having my husband so far away from his family and such. I feel like im not always attentive either. He never makes me feel like less but my brain is dumb and keeps telling me im not enough.

Im so lonely yet so overstimulated and just want to be alone for awhile. I feel claustrophobic in a way.

I sometimes think im not cut out for this job. I never wanted to be a teacher. In fact I was very against it for many years. And I still don’t want to be a teacher. Other people seem to have such fun on this job- like they really enjoy the kids and I feel it’s wasted on me.

I feel I act too childlike and cutesy with my husband and I hate it. Like, I like the attention and it’s fun but also it’s not me and I feel like I just keep sinking deeper and deeper into that.

Im stressed in the way that im not doing the things I need to and I feel like I have no outlet.

Atleast we have internet now and I can play overwatch again. But even then, I need a physical component. I feel so pent up. Im sad that my igloo got filled in.

It’s so stupid bc I feel like im failing or not living up to things but really im doing quite good. Im studying languages, working in Japanese, making good relations with my coworkers, I got us internet all by myself, people like me….. but…. I don’t always like me….

I just want to get stuff done. Stop being so blocked by some kind of invisible force. I want to get my paperwork done, and hang up my clothes, and put things away after I use them. My knees are still hurt from falling on the ice and I need to get on stretching and my vitamins and some movement to help them so I can run when it becomes spring. But eveything is so messy all the time I don’t have room to put or do anything and I have this house that I was hoping was empty and I could have a fresh start but it has all this stuff that isnt mine in it and its covered in dog hair and im allergic to dogs and it’s so annoying. It feels like I take 3 steps foreward and often 2-3 steps back.

I miss my hair im so sad it’s falling out so much. I feel ive been getting mentally worse and worse and worse. I just want to be left alone so I can deal with it but I have my husband to take care of. Which is fine! I like that! But also I just feel like im not ready… I have issues I need to pull through myself and I don’t feel like I have time or room to do that. But why can’t I just make room? Why can’t I just deal with it while he is here? Because I don’t want to negatively influence his mood. He is already having a rough time himself- he doesn’t deserve that…

At the end of march he’ll be going to Turkey to spend time with his grandma so I will have some time to collect myself. I just feel like im falling apart a bit….

It’s my constant need to want to be everything and the constant need to pursue knowledge but the inability to do so oftentimes.

I know things will work out. No matter how deserving of my blessings my brain thinks I am I still receive them. God loves me, my husband loves me, my parents love me, my friends love me. I continue to be the luckiest person on earth none the less.

Ill be okay… amazing in fact… in fact im doing rather amazing right now, I just feel like my emotions or lack there of get in the way.

I think about getting a therapist but I worry so much about being admitted, loosing my job, not being able to get another job. Idk probably things I shouldn’t be worried about. Im not suicidal at all. I love living my life and honestly that’s what pisses me off about being so upset. I shouldn’t be, I could be enjoying things but instead im fretting about. It’s annoying AS FUCK.

#preytell

[adhdandcomics]

I’ve gotten a couple asks about online classes recently and while i am... Probably Not the best person to ask im almost done with classes and somehow i made it.....almost (yes im making this post to procrastinate on an essay due in the morning sue me)

 I’ve seen a lotta stuff thrown around like “how to survive quarantine :)” and while that can be useful I haven’t seen any that are made for neurodivergent folks so here’s a couple things that help me!

Have a couple different workspaces

Sometimes I sit at my desk, and sometimes i sit on the cushion in the corner of the room- even literally moving 5 feet can act as enrichment, and put a little spicy variety to make u focus better- especially if your brain decides it is Bored and it is time to Stop Working.

try to plan something to get up for every day!

this is especially important once classes end and everything starts blending together- plan for Something to happen tomorrow to get up for in the morning- if you want to try baking something new, or even you just want to check in on animal crossing. Try to write some stuff down to look forward to!

have a “routine”

i get it, we cannot do shit at the same time every day no matter what. this is where “faking it till you make it” comes in- so you stayed up until 5am and slept until 3pm? fine! get up and brush your teeth! eat 3pm breakfast! put on an outfit even if you are walking to the living room! the world is your oyster! i still don’t really understand that phrase but- even having a tiny bit of “hehe maybe i will brush my hair and stuff” is fine! try to pick a couple tasks like this and do them every day- no matter how awful the schedule has gotten- don’t give up! 

stop comparing urself to everybody else

everything sucks and not everybody is handling that with grace and that is perfectly fine! my life is a disaster right now and it’s ok! maybe somebody else is thriving with online classes (Somehow??) and is getting their work done but that does not mean that is the “standard”. you are allowed to struggle, and you are allowed to be stressed and upset and have a hard time. you’re still here! and that’s what’s important. 

please talk to your teachers/professors when you’re struggling

they are probably also struggling, and if you tell them what’s up, that you need an extension or can’t get something done, I’m sure they will do everything they can to help. they Want you to succeed!

find some sort of outlet for ur emotions

i’ve written a lot of garbo poetry about being lonely. i’ve also written some pretty good poetry about being lonely. find a way to express all that stuff in your head- it doesn’t even have to be creative! and i cannot stress this enough- don’t worry about it being good. just get it out of your system!

try to go outside

even if you are sitting on ur phone inside. go sit on your phone outside. try to just step outside, like, once a day. look at something green. idk why, just do it.. heals the soul

move around

my brain does not work unless i walk around and do a handstand or a stretch or something- obviously this is not universal, but try to do something to get out of the same position you sit in- just wiggling helps! (in general but also for classes)

These are not universal! I know that not everything will work for everybody, and some people literally just cant do some stuff- this is just what helps me!

#tips!!! life advice!! wow!!! #quarantine #online classes #adhd #actually adhd #tips #not comic #not art #text #long post

[sleeplessideology]

Belphie Defense Post

⚠️spoilers for lesson 16+⚠️

Mkay. Recently I’ve been seeing a lot of people talking shit about Belphie for the indecent in lesson 16, which I thought the fandom got over all ready. And honestly, I understand why people wouldn’t like him or would feel uncomfortable after he killed MC, but it’s important to understand why he did that and what he was going through.

But please keep in mind that his trauma is as valid as every other brother’s trauma so please do not compare and please enjoy.

Masterlist

For starters, yes, murdering MC was wrong. That action was inexcusable.

HOWEVER

This boi is also a demon, one that was extremely angry and hurt. His beloved sister died in his place and then when he voiced his opinion on the exchange program he ended up imprisoned

I’d personally get pretty pissed off too

But anyway, going all the back to the Great Celestial War, when Lilith died it was bc an angel shot at her and Belphie at the same time and it was up to Beel to save them. But, bc life is a bitch, he could only save one

I don’t remember it word for word, but when he is telling MC about what happened, Beel says that he went to save Belphie bc in that moment they made eye contact (or something similar)

I’ve heard headcanons that they were triplets but I don’t think that bc they refer to her as their younger sister rather than their twin like they refer to each other. And bc Beel and Belphie are the sun and moon dynamic and I don’t know how she would fit into that. A star or planet maybe, but it makes more sense that she was just very close with the twins.

And the twins have a very strong connection which is seen multiple times as one can tell the other to stop or do something while none of the other brothers could have said it and in a chat soon after Belphie is out of the attic, Beel mentions his stomach feels weird and it’s bc Belphie was having digestive problems lol I’d be so embarrassed

So saving Belphie was probably something Beel did without thinking, something he didn’t have to think about bc his body would do that for him

I’m sure Belphie knew this

So survivors guilt which all the brothers have tbh was already eating at him along with the pain anyone would feel after loosing a sibling

Then he needed an outlet for his building rage that he had no way to release without getting in trouble with Diavolo

Saving a human was what lead to his sister dying so it makes sense that he would use humans as that outlet

But when he voiced how he felt about the exchange program, he was locked up pretty fast

Correct me if im wrong but he didn’t actually do anything but speak out against it, and I don’t think he made direct threats to the future exchange students

I personally think he wouldn’t have done anything to the exchange students at that point except being a dick and avoiding them, maybe a little bullying but I could be wrong on that as well since this is a raging demon I’m talking about

But when he said this to Lucifer, Luci saw the parallel to the Great Celestial War (which I mention in a previous post if you’d like detail) and panicked

Mr. Dude could not loose another sibling

And since we all know he is emotionally constipated, he ended up locking Belphie in the attic

Which only made the poor dudes emotions wilder

He was probably in the middle of some sort of manic episode when he killed MC

I also headcanon that Belphie is autistic or on the spectrum, so not only is it bad enough for him as it would be any other person, but now his entire schedule has changed right after he got used to it and he is restrained to a small area with no control over anything but his own thoughts and he probably dosnt feel very in control of those and he is a powerful demon

……

That’s a really bad mix

And for those of you who are going “well, the only reason he likes MC is bc they are Lilith’s descendant”

Let’s be clear, as I mentioned in the same post I referred to earlier (at least I think I put it in that post?), the reason Belphie didn’t finish MC off was indeed bc they were her descendant. He was flabbergasted and confused and didn’t really know what to do so killing MC was post-poned and then faltered

But the reason he decided to love MC after was not because they’re Lilith’s descendant

Yeah, all the brothers were a lot nicer after knowing that, but their relationships (excluding Belphie’s) had already had foundation and that super nice shit only lasted a while before things cooled down and went back to however normal it had been (though not exactly since progress had been made and there is not such thing as marking progress in a relationship and it not having at least a small change)

Like, everyone felt consolation after finding out the truth and all that so of course they are going to celebrate it

They whole saying Lilith’s name and hugging MC was a bit weird in my opinion tho aND WHY WOULD MC LET BELPHIE HUG THEM AGAIN I WOULDNT LET THAT MF TOUCH ME FOR MONTHS AFTER BEING MURDERED BY HIM WHAT???

Belphie even says later on, when Luci took the MC and Belphie to the replica of Lilith’s room and lets Belphie decide weather to keep the room or not, he tells MC specifically that he doesn’t want to love MC bc they are related to Lilith. He says he wants to cherish them as they are (and maybe bc they helped him with all those pent up emotions that just kept boiling but idk if he says anything like that and if he dose it’s definitely not worded like that lol)

Also, it’s clear after the incident that he really wants MC’s attention and attempts to make things right or at least better

Although it moved really fast I like the detail in one of the chats where he tells MC to call Satan by Luci’s name (which would absolutely get MC killed) bc it indicates that it, in fact, the hate and negative emotions don’t just go away all at once

Bonus; I found Belphie in Majolish days after I started the game and had him on my homepage and working jobs (which increase intimacy) way before he was introduced in the lessons. I low key fell in love and had his intimacy level pretty high above the rest of the brothers by the time I got to lesson 16 and had figured out that he was the missing brother like the same day I found him in Majolish lololol

This was also before the side characters were dateable so it was only the brothers that were in Majolish which is probably why I put two and two together so fast.

Yeah that’s right, I’m a senior player lmao but not really, I’ve only had the game since 2019

#obey me belphegor #obey me lesson 16 spoilers #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me diavolo

[slversoul]

* taylor russell, demi woman + she/her | you know darlene wyman, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to hellmouth by choir boy like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole face always covered in half a shadow, two day old makeup because she didn’t care enough to take it off, smile that feels like she just signed off on your death thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is january 26th, so they’re an aquarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( cornelia, 21 )

tw: emotional abuse + general bullying, robbery

growing up, darlene was offered all of the freedom in the world, running around her family’s three acre plot of land. the yard was her escape from the suffocating air within the house. with three spare bedrooms, there should have been a place for her to hide, but her mother or her father or her brother always found her. her mother’s shrill criticisms. her father’s disapproving glare. her brother’s cruel smile. she was an ant under a magnifying glass as they watched with glee as she burst into flames.

her biggest escape in life was pottery. she’d sit far in the backyard, beneath her favorite tree, making pinch pots and misshapen animal figurines. 

went bowling one time and met this guy named nick. he was everything her parents hated, and that was part of his charm. one look in his eyes as their hands met when they both reached for the ball (a ploy he later admitted he used to talk to her) and she was hooked.

study groups were code for dates. it was rather easy to keep nick far away from her parents, always thinking of vague excuses why he could never come to her house. he was perfect. he was tough and intimidating, but he was sweet and considerate. darlene would have done anything for him.

things were getting worse at home. she was adamant about doing pottery and sculptures, but her parents refused to indulge her. they wouldn’t let her even look at the credit card. they wouldn’t drive her to the pottery place. instead, her father placed a pair of cleats in her hand and her mother drove her to practice. darlene was good at soccer; she had potential to be great. so her parents pushed her. practice every day after school. private lessons on the weekends. they wouldn’t settle for nothing less than a champion. 

her brother had found her clay sculptures she’d kept hidden away -- a hobby she could never let up. she had to watch with tears welling in her eyes as he stomped on them, smashing them into pieces. as he kicked them around he laughed and told her to watch and learn if she ever wanted to be good at soccer.

her coach had pulled her father aside to tell him that darlene was hardly trying, and that, she would never be great at soccer if she didn’t put in more effort. on the car ride home, her father told her that he wished she would have been a boy, that she would be something he could be proud of.

one day, she broke down and told nick everything. he comforted her and told her he loved her. they made plans to run away together. she gave him a house key to go get her stuff while she was out to dinner with her family. she would sneak out and meet him after.  when they returned home, the house had been robbed. mrs. wyman’s precious jewelry missing. mr. wyman’s hunting rifles gone. of course, darlene kept her mouth shut, not letting them know about nick. she tried desperately to contact him, but he blocked her, and she never heard from him again. she realized that there were no heroes; only villains masquerading as saviors.

she still tried to run away — hid in the neighbors tree house until her brother found her quickly and dragged her kicking and screaming back to the house. surprisingly, her mother wasn’t mad. instead, she pulled her only daughter close and let her tears soak her blouse. later that night, she darlene’s hair and told her that her heart would heal.

darlene let herself believe it was her mother’s love that motivated those actions. she turned a blind eye to her need for obedience because darlene fell into line after that. she stopped making her mud sculptures and turned all of her attention to soccer. 

she improved in every area of her life except social. aggression found an outlet in soccer. her school work served as an escape from other aspects of her life. but she didn’t trust anybody. she yelled at anyone who walked too close to her in the hallway. knocked the books out of the hands at classmates she thought looked at her the wrong way. she talked back to her teachers.

detention after detention stacked up and grades started to slip as she sunk further into her attitude. the tipping point happened after practice one day. her coach told her she was good, but not good enough. nobody wanted to recruit her for college. it was a dead-end, time wasting doing something she didn’t even care about. for weeks, she managed to avoid her parents until they forced her to sit down at dinner. told her she was a disappointment, bigger than they could have ever imagined. she was cut off, expected to leave after graduation. 

she hitched a ride with a friend who was moving to irving to attend the local community college.

currently runs a depop shop and has a garden, but those are her side hustles. her main gig is a hairdresser. she’s on thin ice because she’s messed up haircuts on purpose a couple of times when she gets annoyed with the customers.

PERSONALITY 

she’s so mean but it’s just to cover up her sadness. had big dreams growing up but those have all been crushed, so she doesn’t like getting attached. she will not say a single thing about her past and is not forthcoming at all. mean to keep people away. doesn’t want to bond with people. but she does deep down....darlene just isn’t aware. she’s a scared little girl and that dictates everything she does <3 would love to do pottery again but doesn’t want to be That Girl anymore.....doesn’t want to get pushed around anymore......in here mind there is a correlation between being dreamy and being weak. think kim kelly from freaks and geeks....that’s all for now....

WANTED CONNECTIONS

enemies! a classic but she loves having a list of enemies....the more people who don’t like her, the better she THINKS she feels....

something based on the first two quotes on this im begging.....someone she longs for from a far....she wants them but doesn’t know how to want anything.......hot n cold.....someone is going to end up so so so hurt.....

this! romantic or platonic but someone who puts her in her place....pities her which she hates but it’s because they can see into her soul...

someone who wants to help her despite everything and her resistance to help

like one or two friends.....people she can sit and stew with and there’s not an expectation that they are friends....it looks like they aren’t friends and yet it works somehow <3

#irvingintro #emotional abuse tw #bullying tw #robbery tw