#that's how fucking scared I am

[crabussy]

god I forgot how much staring at a screen for all my waking hours fucks me up and makes me miserable

#my eyes hurt so bad and my brain can barely form words #and I'm terrified to face my teacher tomorrow after she. did what she did two weeks ago #I'm safe please don't worry but #oh boy #there's a reason I have PRE BOOKED THERAPY for tomorrow after school #that's how fucking scared I am #and #the workload #is literally impossible to manage or complete as a disabled autistic person #not a hyperbole I have tried I have put every bit of energy I possibly have #including energy for. getting ready for bed or talking to my loved ones or masking or just going on a WALK #into homework. and it's still an impossible amount of work that I am Never able to complete by the deadline #hate being this way #hate teacherfs who traumatise me for being this way #has happened my whole fucking life and I STILL feel like a little kid every time #vent tw #listen to my gibberish boy #vent #this sucks. sorry you had to read this

[theswedishpajas]

Just take it from me.

#my art stuff #super mario #Luigi #Wario #Mario #Waluigi #I don’t think I’ve ever drawn wario before #and I am scared at how well he turned out. #take the L #take the W #take the M #take the ??? #meme #doodle #sketch #I absolutely love the expressions they’re making #luigi looks so tired #Wario is just proud of you #Mario doesn’t get what’s happening but acts like he made the trend #waluigi just wants to feel included but has no idea what the fuck is going on #no thoughts head empty only WAH #edit: #A friend informed me the upside down L is a real letter and is pronounced like R #and I can’t help but imagine He thinks he’s being smoothe and doing one of those sleezy purr growl things and thinking he’s being flirty #it makes the wink so much worse #I love Waluigi but god he’s so lame (affectionate) #edit 2.0: #it is pronounced like G #idk where I got R from #’’grrr“ is even worse for waluigi

[divorcedfiddleford]

hold shifty gentle like hamburger

#desperately trying to break out of my art block with the guys #anyway happy friday #gravity falls #stanford pines #fiddleford mcgucket #fiddauthor #if u want #i still am disappointed w how the journal handled the shapeshifter. very underwhelming imo #we couldve had a fucked up parental relationship between these guys and their weird homicidal son #or the identity crisis implied by 'am i me? is he me?' #we could've had the thing (1982) but with a much smaller and gayer cast #but instead they just put fiddleford in a box and had him be scared again. lame #artwork of the damned

[llamagoddessofficial]

How would Farmer Sans handle hearing that MC was sick? Maybe they usually meet up a certain time while managing their morning chores and they’re just.. not there, only for him to later find that they’re bedridden

"hey, pumpkin."

The sound of Sans' voice, regardless of how soft it was, made you panic.

You sat bolt upright from your spot curled into the couch, jolting out of your strange fever dream. A cooling pack fell off your head, and a blanket you didn’t remember grabbing slipped from your shoulders to your lap.

Immediately, you could tell that you weren’t on your home couch. You didn’t recognise the blanket someone had tucked you under. You weren’t cold, you couldn’t smell the usual mix of dust and gradually fading damp - in fact, there were many wonderful scents mingling in the warm air, soup and tea and a sweet bread aroma that made your stomach rumble. 

It certainly wasn’t where you expected to wake up, after you fell asleep in front of the dodgy TV once the painkillers finally kicked in. This was someone else’s couch. And after a few bleary moments, you recognised it all. 

... It was Sans’ couch. You were in his house.

You looked up a little to see the man himself, as handsome as ever, leaning over the back of the sofa and looking at you. A gentle flicker of relief passed over his face. 

“rise and shine,” he said, voice as warm as the room. “how’re you feelin’?”

Huh? 

...

Your eyes widened. "S-Sans!?"

Bad decision. At such a sudden vocalisation, your body decided that was the perfect moment to send you into a horrendous coughing fit that made the inside of your throat feel like someone had gone at it with sandpaper.

Sans just put a big gentle hand on your back, letting you work through it, quiet as you hacked your lungs up.

Eventually the coughing eased off; once you had control of your body again, you turned your gaze back to him.

"Y-you...” Your cheeks were starting to burn. “why am I...?"

“you weren’t answerin’ the phone. i got worried.” As he spoke, you kept messing with your shirt, nervously pulling it down over yourself. “came to check on you, an’ you were totally out of it, could barely answer me. i had to go work, but figured i should bring you somewhere me an’ pap can keep an eye on you.”

... Oh no. You put your hands over your face, slowly getting quieter and quieter as the situation dawned on you. “Y-you really didn’t need to...”

“course we did. ain’t safe for you to be so sick all on yer own.”

This was a nightmare. Now, on top of being sick, you were absolutely mortified at Sans seeing you in this state. Tired, achy, sweaty... you were dressed in a stained old shirt and pyjama pants, visibly unshowered and pretty much as ungroomed as one could get. You distinctly remembered throwing stuff on your floor before you fell asleep, too weak to get up and go put it in the garbage - empty blister packs and used, crumpled tissues. Did he see all your dirty trash when he came to find you?

You wanted to melt into the couch. He had seen you delirious and ill, at your absolute greasiest and grossest. Stars, what did he think of you now?

“I-I’ve been out for hours?” you asked.

“mhm.”

Your whole world was coming down around your ears. Why couldn’t Sans have just let you die at home, where no one would see your shame?

“you didn't tell me you were sick,” he said, so quietly you almost didn’t hear. There was a strangely... sullen edge to his tone? 

Your face was on fire. You had already intruded so much on him and his brother’s kindness over the last few weeks. Sans had repaired your stove and water pipes, bought you fresh food from the farm, helped fix a leak in the roof, not to mention when you asked him to stay the night like you were a frightened baby. Now here you were; being sick and disgusting right in the middle of his house. 

Before he could say anything else, you pushed the blanket off you, swinging your legs over the side of the couch and scrambling to your feet.

“I-I should get home,” you said, hoarse.

Immediately, Sans’ brows raised. You didn't look at him for long, walking unsteadily and trying your best to concentrate on not tipping over.

“I’m so sorry to intrude. I’ll just-”

... Your feet went out from underneath you. 

You squeaked, loudly - but Sans didn’t care, he scooped you up like you didn’t weigh a thing. To him, you probably didn’t weigh a thing. You could feel his massive strength through his clothes, and you immediately knew that if he wanted to, he could’ve thrown you straight into the air like a child.

You couldn’t tell if it was the height that was dizzying, how close your face was to his, or if you were just way weaker right now than you realised. But immediately your hands balled in his shirt.

"... easy," he murmured, one arm under your thighs. "i don't bite."

... Your face filled with so much heat it felt as if the tips of your ears were going to set alight. You tried to say something, but when you opened your mouth, literally nothing came out. Not a sound. All you could do was hold on to his shoulders.

Sans’ voice became normal again, jokingly stern. “sorry. not goin’ anywhere on my watch, pet. you need to rest. look at you - yer burnin' up.”

Your whole body had tensed up. But not out of fear. You just stared into his eyelights.

He very gently sat you back down onto the couch, putting the cold pack into your hands. “you stay right there, ok? i’ll getcha some soup. it should be ready by now.”

"O-ok," you helplessly replied.

Sans moved away, disappearing into the kitchen.

...

There wasn't much else you could do, but lay down and put the cooling pack back on your head... trying to figure out how to make your heart slow down.

#llama writes #sans: [uses his 'talking to a scared horse' voice] #mc: Why the fuck am I into this??? WHY AM I INTO THIS?? #also hes upset because he wants to look after her and he doesnt like that she didn't tell him earlier #he likes caring for you. how could you deny him the opportunity #do you HATE HIM???

[lil-gingerbread-queen]

So, I cannot show support to Palestine at my university (flyers for protest, the colors and the flag, you get it...) because it's "encouraging violence and antisemitism" but when my university was tagged with antisemitic symbols, they did NOTHING. When the students union was targeted with threat of violence and their office was destroyed, covered with neo-nazis symbols, they did NOTHING.

The Neo-Nazis student association (which has been multiple times reported for their hate-crimes) were distributing flyers at the entrance yesterday WITHOUT ANY ISSUES, because they support Israel.

#I'm so mad #france #palestine #And I will not talk about the caricature of leftists in a nazi uniform because we support Palestine #That's like so fucking disgusting how dare they compare people being AGAINST a genocide to Nazis #repeating to myself that murdering one of those assholes of the gov will only make it worse #don't fucking judge me on my violent thought I a French leftist this is normal to us we know this is the only way to get things done #bro look at the Marseillaise lyrics it's about fighting turanny and oppressors that kill your family #and you dare make France stand with Israel #I know things suck way more for other people but I am tired and scared about what France is becoming

[chrliekclly]

i just remembered i had this post in my drafts for when the season ended! have some bts :)

#always sunny #iasip #sunny sweet 16 #sunny spoilers #bts #s16 #i have more but theyv got cast in them and idk if thats allowed #again. i am scared #every season im on i get slightly braver taking pictures lmfao #s15 i literally took NO PICTURES i was like 'if they see me taking pics of set they will detonate me on sight' #like i took a few of mySELF on the bar set cuz how could i not #but this time i took pics of cast and stuff and :) #yo also those fucking 'animatronics' scared the FUCK OUT OF ME when i first walked on stage #i would keep seeing them out of th corner of my eye while we were filming and like JUMP ajksdng #the gritty pic i love so much lol hes helping :) #that episode was really. bad. but it was more fun to film than the others #and still obsessd w macs fit

[ricksanchezbignaturals]

rick baby if you're not going to hell nobody is

#rick's prayers in this episode really do be living in my head rent free #im just so in love with the characterization like if it wasn't already obvious that he has religious trauma this scene really seals the dea #getting to see rick sanchez of all people- absurd amounts of power; god complex; cynical atheist rick sanchez begging for his life in praye #it makes me feel things #and like this bit in particular. he's on his fucking knees with his hands clasped and head bowed. man's SCARED and i am emotional #yes i was raised christian how could you tell #rick and morty #rick & morty #rnm #r&m #rick sanchez #rick and morty season 2 #a rickle in time #my nonsense

[tack-tick]

I spent basically the entire prologue in the stage of grief called denial

#master detective archives: rain code #rain code spoilers #rain code #I legit went through the whole investigation and almost all the labyrinth waiting for them to come back #like surely they wouldn’t just die like that #surely not #legit the prologue is great at making me absolutely terrified of the corporation #how many detectives died just trying to even get into the city #and the fact that the hitman specifically choose burning to death #I am so scared of that corporation now they are the fuck around and find out types

[nyctocollective]

friendly reminder that plurality is caused by trauma. trauma is defined as an event that has a severe negative impact on oneself. there are going to be dark parts of plurality that no one wants to talk about. the brain created you to cope with what it went through. it's okay to have parts (or wholes) that have “twisted” desires, attractions, innerworld or external relationships, sexual or emotional needs, etc. other people might call you disgusting, evil, immoral, but it's just part of being traumatized. it's going to be unpleasant or unsightly.

read the tags.

#shout out to our multiple pairs of siblings who fuck because of the shit our mom and dad put us through with our sister #shout out to our child alters that would put themselves in dangerous situations with irl adults if we didn't healthily satisfy them #because of what our dad and various friends much older than us did to us #shout out to our various alters with non-con fantasies‚ whether its having it done or doing it‚ because we were accused of doing it to our #family and having it done to us before we were even double digits #you might think we're disgusting but this is how the brain copes #being groomed is not an experience you shake off easily #being manipulated and abused is not an experience you shake off easily #15 years of being groomed is going to make our brain do some “twisted” shit #am i scared of posting this because a friend of mine has this account? yeah. but whatever im sure itll be fine hahah. #system #did #did system #actually did #cdid #plural system #sysblr #osdd #did osdd #osdd system #endos dni #plurality is a trauma response xoxo

[queenerdloser]

i just finished dark heir

#me foaming at the mouth during the last chapters: HE IS! FUCKING! SAVING YOU! #i am huddled around will kempen hissing like a mama cat none of these fuckers are allowed to look at him #dark rise #okay but like. cyrian at literally every moment in the book you see will anticipating things and making connections #that you never make. doing things like a leader & being fucking smart and strategic. and your dumb ass really thought. #hm. must mean i shouldnt listen to him about the magic staff that can literally stop the end of the world. must be evil. #me: [screams into the abyss] #i know i cant expect characters to react like readers and they DID all react like i knew they would but god it was so infuriating!!!!! #and heart breaking! god!!!! god!!!!! will reliving his mother's initial betrayal over and over and OVER again #and thinking about all the little moments we get where the novel tells us: if these 'evil' characters had just been accepted #instead of tossed aside maybe they wouldnt have fallen. if they had been protected instead of killed maybe they would have #become protectors instead of killers. maybe if will's mom hadn't tried to butcher him for the sin of his own birth #he wouldn't have been so scared to tell people he lied to them. #anyway im not normal about will kempen and if book 3 doesnt give me his friends fucking accepting him i'll kill someone #me looking directly at visander: i dont care how charming you are i'll murder your ass about it #i read this book in like 5 hrs im being very normal about it

[chirpsythismorning]

S5 opener REAL

#byler #will byers #stranger things #every season besides s4-5 opens with non main characters #for el we got a flashback of the lab followed by her perspective in the scene directly after #and I think for Will we will see something similar #with us getting the flashback of him in castle byers in the UD #followed by him in the present in the scene after #but what exactly would warrant that memory being brought up in association with Will in the present? #mayhaps his connection to the mindflayer and the UD run deeper than we realize… #it’s likely not something he could just rid himself of in s2 and now he’s all good #he literally still feels a connection to everything he is feeling #that means he is still technically at risk of being the spy in some capacity #the massacre at Hawkins lab also was a guiding force for El discovering the ‘truth’ in s4 #so it’s likely for Will this instance will operate in a way that re-contextualizes the events in the past up to now #like that time Will suggested they go to the hospital in s3 only for the flayed to be waiting for them #or how flayed Billy knew they were at the cabin… #all while Will was looking cryptic as hell in that scene watching over el #or the fact that he picked Billy in the first place the season after he focused on Will… #you know.. williams #I think the easiest way to introduce the castle Byers flashback is a dream honestly #specifically a dream within a dream #seeing that recent leak and Will looking like either he has a black or hasn’t slept in days #is giving very much ‘I am afraid to sleep bc I’m scared of what will happen’ #I think dude is not exactly possessed in the sense that we already saw in s2 with like the particicles #but he’s still vulnerable #the door is still ajar… #no but fr this idea of opening a door in your mind was so blatant in st2 AND s3b of teen wolf #I think a big part of it will be guilting Will over the fact that Will has helped him before without Will telling the others #hence his weird vibe in s3… like he’s already successfully fucked with Will post s2 potentially with us being none the wiser aka here we go

[wis-art]

Women, so pretty, so shaped, i am so lesbian,,,

#im also incredibly dysphoric tonight #but i was told by my coworker im incredibly feminine by her earlier #and i mean yeah #..... #i am a tall weird internet woman who likes to draw #so funny how i thought i was bi #I'm just really into women... #my ex is a trans guy and he told me he thinks im lesbian and i had a “holy fuck this explains so much moment” #we broke up but we still have a weird queer relationship outside of social heteronormative norms that is hard to explain and only we #can really understand #im not into men because you know #im a lesbian #had a weird period in my life when i was dating a guy and said im a lesbian and i felt sooooo scared #turns out when youre on meds and your brain is working right you just stop caring about such things #i went on a parade wearing big lesbian flag and girls loved it :) #i dont really know if i ever want to date anyone again #but i think if you look at my art you can really tell my sexuality quite easily lolol #funny how love can be so complicated sometimes #i mean it was kind of inevitable we break up cause we're kind of incompatible but tbh #it was better for us #hehe

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

a lil while back i had a dream where there was a giant hippo in the road with moose antlers. i've never climbed a tree faster

#leapt out of the dream car and sprinted for the nearest tree #i did Not come down by the time i woke up. not a chance in hell #this sounds silly #but imagine driving down a dark forest road at night #and then theres this huge hulking thing with reflective eyes and huge bowl like antlers #Right in your path #and you understand fully well how fucking Dangerous hippos are #YOU'D CLIMB A TREE TOO #i was not gonna wait for that car to turn around #it would not be fast enough #absolutely unprompted #like the Legitimate dread/survival response i had in the dream.... #usually when it comes to flight/fight i choose fight #but holy fuck i am Not gonna fight a hippo. thats not how i wanna go out #its even funnier because there was a real moose. an unnaturally big one but yk #but the car scared it off #and it ran only to reveal The Hippo waiting down the road #new cyrptid: hippo with moose antlers in mountain forests. lurking at night

[so-very-small]

(tw for violence/death in this post; it’s about horror movies but g/t)

im in my Horror Movie era and like. i keep thinking how terrifying would a g/t horror movie be. a tiny protagonist in an oversized world could be so so scary. bugs, animals, unaware humans, even things just like struggling to get consistent meals or finding somewhere genuinely safe enough to rest. you could go psychological thriller about a recently shrunk person struggling to cope. you could have a slasher flick where the slasher is just an unaware giant.

i want Midsommar but it’s a borrower joining a fairy cult. i want Saw where it’s a borrower making traps for humans because they just hate giants. i want Hereditary with the added struggle of a mixed size family dynamic. i want whatever batshit original concepts A24 could do with a g/t dynamic

anyways i think there’s a huge potential for size horror and man. a movie like that would terrify me

#g/t #violence tw #ig? i am being so careful rn i know this a lot of ppls cup of tea #also discresion advised for these following tags #but like. have yall seen Nope. do u know THAT scene from Nope #i dont want to spoil anything but. the vore scene #i was so fucking viscerally uncomfortable when i saw that and i love it #like i love vore! but jesus fucking christ. holy shit. that scene made me realize how scary a gt size story could be #im watching a lot of horror lately and none of them r like. rlly scaring me #idk why i like to be scared so much. catharsis ig. i wanna be terrified

[rainbow-neko-artblog]

Are we gonna see you on Tumblr more often, since the ban for TikTok might be going out?

mmmmmmmm

I really hate thinking about it but i suppose yes.

I think ill have to focus on posting to youtube i guess....since i can still make monetizable money over there....and ill probably have to push my patreon more-

Hey maybe ill be able to make designs for my redbubble and- work on Tiny Tails more hah....ah....

yeah.....work.......that'll distract me from such a volatile ban of freedom of speech......

...

#it feels so fucking stupid to talk about #the fact that the goverment is taking away the only platform ive been given to talk freely and openly #the platform that has provided me with money to ease my homelife #the platform i was most comfortable on #i am scared of the future of our goverment #the goverment that takes away the ways we express ourselves #stripping us of jobs with robot replacements and laws that ban both body and speech #i do not want to live in a country that is run by fossils hellbent on controlling my every move after it preeched about freedom #how fucking dare they give us such bullshit false hope

[techmomma]

I am increasingly certain after 34 years of life that if you are afraid of something, if you want to get better, then you have to face it. Maybe you face it in little pieces. Maybe you face it with help or holding someone's hand, preferably in a safe environment but not everyone has that luxury. But exposure and being around what scares you is the only way to make it better.

Afraid of the ocean? Go touch the ocean.

Afraid of crowds? Go be around crowds for a time.

Afraid of being alone? Gonna have to be alone for a time.

Afraid of death? Talk about death, maybe go to a cemetary.

Afraid of becoming your parents? Gonna have to face the idea that you ARE probably like them to an extent, in order to NOT be like them.

Afraid of people not liking you? Gonna have to be not liked, sometimes.

Afraid of those thoughts saying you're a bad person. Gonna have to go talk to those thoughts.

Because humans are funny, paradoxical creatures, and almost always, the answer to being afraid of something is embracing it.

The more we embrace the thing we're scared of, the less control it has over us.

But, sometimes, people are also afraid of getting better. The decision to embrace our fears is not one that everyone takes.

Because sometimes, the fear of what is involved in getting better is greater than the original fear itself. It turns into a self-eating ouroboros.

Brought to you by me remembering me avoiding doing scary things and that made them worse and the only thing that makes them better is doing the scary things, even when scared.

#also brought to you by every time I've done something that seemed kinda insane or terrifying and people were like WHY STEPH #'I did it because I was scared of it.' #'what' #'to teach my brain that my imagination is always scarier than the reality' #I don't do scary shit because I'm not scared #I do it because I AM scared #I don't go talking to strangers because I love talking to strangers #I do it because I'm afraid of strangers. but I don't want to be. #I am so scared all of the time man #no matter how goofy or silly I look to other people or how quickly I volunteer for shit #that is more than 15 years of trying to face face my fears #15 years of fucking practice #and if never ends