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sylviareviar · 6 months

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Why does it feel like Sylvia's only character trait is Autism?

I'm sorry if it seems that way to you, but autism is such a wide and varied spectrum that there isn't only one way to describe or portray it. Moreover, autism is something that affects one's life in a variety of different ways, and Sylvia represents how autism affects mine. If you believe her only trait is autism, that doesn't tell me anything, because to have autism, you must possess many specific traits, and those traits sometimes overlap with other mental illnesses such as ADHD or OCD. Not always, but sometimes.

From the way you worded this, I don't feel as though you're trying to be hostile, and so that's why I'm answering you publicly, Anon, but try to understand, this is just what life looks like for her. If you're sick of it, you're welcome to leave and unfollow me. Unfortuantely, for someone with autism, it's impossible for us to just "leave" if we get sick of seeing the world the way we do, because that's just how we live.

And like I said, the way autism affects me and Sylvia is not going to be the same as the way autism affects someone else. There is no one way to describe someone's character just by labeling them with autism, because it's such a broad thing that can often be overlooked by other elements of life. In Sylvia's case, sometimes she doesn't understand emotions or societal rules not just because she struggles to pick up on it, but also because she's in a whole other country, and autism combined with culture shock makes it difficult to blend in well.

I would not portray a character with disabilities I know nothing about or cannot relate to because I would be doing both the character and their disability a complete disservice. Since I have autism, I feel as though I have a right to speak about my personal experience with autism, as well as my experience around others whose autistic behaviors differ from mine, and my journey to try and understand them.

And for the record, Sylvia has many hobbies as well. She draws, sings, and enjoys writing, especially practicing her Japanese and Russian writing skills (sometimes in cursive, for the latter). She also does have a backstory, but it's a bit dramatic and triggering, so I don't often focus on it unless someone goes though her Palace. As for her Palace itself, it is a culmination of childhood trauma and depression and anxiety, other "traits" you could say she has.

If you're referring to her weakness, the whole point of her being here and being interactable is to put her on a journey to get stronger, both mentally and physically. Maybe I'm just not active enough on Tumblr so Sylvia comes off as shallow and depressing, so weak she literally can't do anything for herself, but I do have plans for her to get stronger. Already she's gotten much stronger than when she first started, and I've managed to integrate her well into the world of Persona 5.

I hope this is a sufficient response. However, I must warn you, if you end up sending me more things in my inbox with the intent to berate my character for being bad, I will ignore you. I don't intend to cause drama when I'm just here to have fun and cope.

#🌸 ~ out of character ~ 🌸#🌸 ~ anon asks ~ 🌸#tw: drama #maybe #tw: ableism #i think??#idk i'm tagging this post just in case because I don't want anyone to get hurt reading this

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defectivegembrain · 1 year

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I posted 19,226 times in 2022

That's 6,999 more posts than 2021!

1,043 posts created (5%)

18,183 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lemememeringue

@whirling-ghost

@raccooninapartyhat

@rotationalsymmetry

@leirathemartian

I tagged 5,421 of my posts in 2022

#politics - 414 posts

#actuallyautistic - 192 posts

#eso - 166 posts

#:) - 103 posts

#unreality - 85 posts

#:( - 71 posts

#abed nadir - 70 posts

#reblog game - 61 posts

#nbc community - 58 posts

#bugs - 56 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#im just gonna tag it like that because in my fear world tagging anything with the first word in the full title makes bad things happen 🙃

My Top Posts in 2022:

branching out in video games by playing stardew valley again but putting the coop in a different place than usual

2,746 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

"people accept the uwu cute and quirky autistic traits like special interests and just being socially awkward" I don't know how anyone managed to believe that being viewed as "uwu cute and quirky" is acceptance like that's actually trivialising and romanticising. There are no autistic people who are just "cute and quirky" all the time that is a myth and a caricature. Special interests are stigmatised the moment they stop being useful or amusing to allistics. "Socially awkward " is at best a large understatement of the difficulties you need to face to fit the criteria. Just because it doesn't show all the time doesn't mean a person isn't struggling, and they're not truly being accepted if that struggle isn't recognised.

4,922 notes - Posted January 14, 2022

"Autism wouldn't be a disability if society was different"

Full offense I didn't spend 18 years of life unable to take proper care of my hair because of society. People should've been more understanding, they shouldn't have stared and bullied me and treated me like the rest of me didn't matter, but they were right to be concerned. It was unhygienic.

There's never going to be a society with no difficult sensory input to tolerate, that's literally impossible. When I'm overloaded I can't function like usual. This could be improved with societal changes, but it'll always exist.

If everyone in society was accepting of my different social behaviour, I'd still miss cues and meanings that come naturally to most. That's disabling. Even if people are willing to explain, that's a disability accommodation. Accommodations don't make us not disabled.

We don't need a society where we're not disabled, we need a society where being disabled is accepted and accommodated as much as possible.

8,947 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

I love love love etymology because it's like every word has a back story intertwined with so many other words and through that you see ideas and culture and history and people and it's so beautiful okay I love word stories

10,601 notes - Posted June 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

words like "sin" and "guilt" need to be banned from food packaging. fuck you putting marshmallows in my hot chocolate is completely morally neutral

66,007 notes - Posted January 6, 2022

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #interesting!#why the hell did i post so much more this year #it's not like i had a life last year

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violentivy · 2 years

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I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia Nervousa in 1985. I have never met another human who had/has the same condition aside from the doctor who diagnosed me. My parents didn't really tell me what I could and couldn't do, they said "you can do everything everyone else can do, you'll just have to do it slower." I got really sick of hearing this as a kid, to the point that I'd mock them in my head every time they said it.

In the 10th grade, I exited the special education system as they were not able to do much to help me. Because I was disabled, but not too disabled.

They weren't really able to help me. When I told people about my condition no one acted like it was any sort of big deal at all. It got to the point that I really felt forgotten and completely invalidated in my experiences.

In 2003, my then boyfriend had been diagnosed as Autistic. I had no trouble understanding him at all. We made a good contrast to one another. Things finally made SENSE. I realized I was probably also autistic.

But I wasn't autistic enough for it to actually MATTER, so what the fuck was the point of a diagnosis.

I went on. A few years later there was a CPS investigation into my then husband, and during that first process we were supposed to get a psych eval. I didn't mention my dyspraxia OR my autism because "well, of the guy's any good he'll be able to pick up on it. "

He wasn't any good.

The next time my ex got investigated by CPS, I got a second psych eval. This one said finally that it was plain as day I was autistic.

My parents started on a journey in 1985 to try to get some help for their disabled kid. My parents weren't the best people all of the time, but they never allowed me to feel helpless.

Having said that, today I fell down a TikTok rabbit hole which lead me here.

All these stories about people;

Dyspraxic children that had bladder infections that were so bad they turned to kidney infections because the kid didn't really feel the pain from it? Check. That was me.

Walking into literally EVERYTHING.

Unexplained bumps and bruises.

Being able to read words silently understanding the full context but not being able to pronounce a word because "404, word not found." Which forces me to use other words in place of the word I mean. This means that, even though there are a shit ton of words in my vocabulary, I cannot always use them all.

Home child birth because the idea of going into the hospital/public is scarier than the labor of child birth because, HA what's pain but weakness leaving the body?

At my first home birth having the midwives show up when I was crowning because no one realized I was that far along in labor because I was just like... *~Vibing~* because earlier that day I'd been in a car wreck and was still running off of the adrenaline of THAT.

Now ask me, did I get my kids tested for this weird disorder? No, I sure didn't.

What was the point, it was just this little thing... this tiny little thing that no one has ever heard of.

Then I come to find out in the UK that you can collect fucking disability due to it.

I find out some folks with my condition CANNOT drive.

I find out that accomodations are REGUALRLY made for them.

And I'm just here sobbing, because my life has been really hard and I'm just kind of finding out why, now. When I'm 42 and estranged from most of my kids. My daughter doesn't want to get tested because she doesn't see the point. But I get why a person would now.

I have been handed an impossible set of circumstances. I still have managed to succeed in spite of them. By all accounts I could have been institutionalized right now.

I'm lucky. But I've never really HAD to live alone. When I did, my house was unkept as hell. My dishes remained undone, nothing lived in the spot it was supposed to.

My now husband, upon coming into my apartment the first time determined I was clearly INCREDIBLY mentally ill.

But he gave me a chance anyway.

Only to understand there is a reason for all of that.

Hey dummy, you're actually disabled. Like, for reals, not just pretend disabled.

You have a few conditions that make your life much more difficult and reduce your life expectancy.

That's valid. And there are others. And they've been there the whole time. Some of them wear sunflower lanyards to identify each other in other countries.

I'm Dyspraxic, and I have been since the day I was born. I was diagnosed in 1985, when no one really understood entirely what was going on.

#dyspraxia #actually dyspraxic #autistic #actually autistic

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monsterkissed · 2 years

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if i see that post where ppl r complaining very legitimately about ppl who refuse to just ask u to do a thing or say what they mean and then get pissy when u fail to read their mind and punish you for their refusal to make reasonable requests with that utter bullshit addition ab how actually it’s female socialisation to not say what u mean so it’s actually your responsibility to deal with it bc everyone else likes not being honest and direct and we all have to make communication compromises uwu etc etc, then i am going to be Unkind

“this is how most people are socialised” yes. that’s why it’s shit and that’s why it’s the responsibility of the ppl who benefit from and can navigate the system to make it accessible to others, not the other way around. that is in fact how this kind of social power imbalance works. this is not an even playing field and yes, i am leveraging my literal qualifications in communication and disability to say that putting the onus on the people who struggle with arbitrary and dishonest social systems to be the ones who have to make the compromises and learn the negotiation techniques (with all the necessary ego-cushioning and self-effacing one requires when making requests of the party in the position of power) is ridiculous and cruel. a lot of disabled people are going to struggle just to grasp the hoops they have been tasked with jumping thru and it’s vile to then say it’s their fault if they get upset bc someone chewed them out for not doing a task they were never asked to do and they need to be more understanding ab the situation they were given no tools to deal with.

particularly children! how many of the ppl who mention this issue are or are talking about events that happened when they were children? even neurotypical kids should not have to be the ones to learn about and implement communication and negotiation techniques for getting adults in their lives to stop punishing them for ignoring commands they were never given. kids should not have to negotiate that shit with their own parents and teachers ffs it’s so incredibly disingenuous to pretend that this is just a competing access needs issue between adults who are all at peak mental capacity and skill levels

in my (woman-dominated, fwiw) field i have to tell every single new senior staff member i meet that bc i am autistic i need explicit commands or i will not know what to do. i need them to be thorough and complete bc i will not make leaps of logic to fill in “obvious” gaps. i have to tell them this not bc i want to do a good job (which i do) but because if i don’t they will report or spread gossip about me being lazy, uncooperative, incompetent and ignorant, and i will get in trouble. for failing to grasp their secret orders that were never told to me in the first place. this has happened and continues to happen, so i have to give personal medical info to a huge number of people, all of whom work in mental health and disability, to avoid being punished for doing what i was told to do and failing to realise there were other additional tasks i was never told about.

to this date i have not known any other staff member to have to ask that any requests to them be submitted through implication or indirection because otherwise it would risk them being disciplined by management. i have seen a lot of disabled clients who lack the verbal ability, communication skills, capacity or social study to realise when they were being given secret commands and have had everything from selfishness to malice attributed to them for missing the arbitrary cues and trusting that the people around them will be honest and treat them with dignity and respect.

if you have been socialised to believe that’s their fault and they are the ones who need to constantly (and, in some cases, physically impossibly) express and define their needs to everyone around them, then you have been socialised to be a self-centred piece of work

#long post #every other week this website discovers that structural ableism is actually really good and it's tedious as all fuck

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autisticstarseed · 4 years

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👐 Hand washing guide when you have sensory issues 👐

tbh. we shouldve been talking abt this a long time ago for many disabled ppls sake but ive put this post off for like a million years out of pure solidified fear of ableist harassment/kneejerk ignorance and also generalized cringe idiots but now that we got so much covid-19 fear and autistic ppl actually tend to have weaker immune systems than most people lets jump the shark;;;

i have autism and i physically struggle with washing my hands as often as i want to, having wet hands, drying them, the temperature difference, bad soap smells/textures, etc. are all genuinely painful. the good news is that ive dealt with water aversion shit since birth (its a common sensory issue), so ive had time to figure out alternatives and coping skills that still help reduce risk of disease and spreading it in ways that i can personally manage. (ie. not lazy or selfish or gross. genuinely putting more effort into this every day task than most other people would even think about. just disability lads) so heres the guide i have to offer if you’re in a similar boat, with some keypoints about hand hygiene and tips addressing the most common sensory struggles ive noticed with it;;;

1. hand sanitizer

i love hand sanitizer, i can get it in almost any scent i want and it dries down very very fast. the problem is; hand washing and hand sanitizer do different things. it only kills certain types of germs. which is all fine and dandy, but because of this, using only hand sanitizer wont actually keep you from catching or spreading many illnesses. so what its good for is times you cant wash your hands (out in public, sensory overload, no spoons, etc), thats fine, but it should not replace all hand washing if at all possible. it is supposedly effective to covid-19, but so little is currently known that it should not be considered your go to for this, and the only unanimous statement straight from the CDC is that hand washing works best at preventing its spread.

temperature - if you have trouble with it being too cold, conveniently keeping it in your pocket or closely against your body in some way warms it up and makes it much more comfortable.

scent - they come in almost any scent you can imagine, but if you have trouble with strong scents, there are ‘scentless hand sanitizers’. they usually have a faint chemical smell, so if there are any testers available, you should check to make sure it can work for you before you buy it.

texture - if gel doesnt cut it, they also make foamy hand sanitizers and liquid sprays, but theyre harder to find and might be a little more pricey.

and remember; always buy hand sanitizer that says it contains AT LEAST 60% alcohol, the higher alcohol content the better, but try to keep track of how high it is and how much you apply it so you dont dry your skin out. and right now price gouging is pretty bad, so dont be surprised if you cant find any for a while, and dont buy any small bottle that costs over a couple dollars, its a rip off.

2. hand washing

so what does hand washing do thats better than sanitizer??? soap and water lift up the dirt and oils that are carrying the germs and actually wash them off, and not only that, it also gets rid of all the things sanitizer cant, such as dust/dirt, spores, chemicals, and the previously mentioned viruses that are harder to kill. ik to an outside perspective it might not seem that hard, but obviously when you have autism and these tasks are split down into bigger ordeals and sensory nightmares, it can feel impossible.

soap - there are so many different kinds of soap! scentless soaps exist, and they very rarely have any lingering chemical smell! theres also soap for sensitive skin, and baby soap also works well for that issue. bar soaps can come in all different shapes and sizes, with many different ingredients and additives to choose from (independent soap makers are an amazing source for customized soap btw), and liquid soaps can be pure gel, frothy, mousse-y or even have tiny exfoliating or moisturizing beads in them if thats a sensory experience you enjoy. this is my number one rec for people struggling with hand washing bc of sensory issues;;; mix up the soap. finding one that gives you an okay or even a GOOD sensory experience can completely turn around an otherwise meltdown inducing task

temperature - this is the one thats always been hardest for me. cold water straight up hurts me, and our plumbing is Terrible, so the trick i have for slow pipes is to run the hot water on high as Soon as i get into the bathroom. leave it going and by the time you’re done there should be at least lukewarm water. if this still takes too long for you, try out the various sinks in your house, usually one is able to get hot water faster than the rest (for me its the kitchen sink) and that can become a designated station for you if need be.

texture - some ppl just hate water. if thats the case, it rly doesnt change much abt the process if you use less water, ie work the soap into a lather, and then only use as much as you need to rinse it off. you dont have to keep your hands under the whole time, the soap clings to the dirt, the water takes it off all together, as long as you scrub well and rinse till you see no suds, you’re good

If it really comes down to it, a washcloth with water+soap, a disinfecting wipe, or even literally just a rinse with plain ol water is better than nothing, but the stream of water and act of rubbing the soap in is the most effective combo against disease. soap/disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizers are your second best option. if theres a time in your life where an issue is so disabling for you that you truly cant keep any of this up, rly the most important thing is to limit your direct physical contact with your face and commonly used objects as MUCH as possible until you can figure smth out. (you kno those old ladies that grab a wipe and open the doorknob with it between their hand and the knob? become that old lady) and if push comes to shove, if a safe and accepting therapy setting is something accessible to you, hygiene struggles are actually something many mental health professionals understand Very well and can help you cope with personally and directly, without shame.

3. hand drying

this is also. my personal hell. and what most people say is the hardest part of the sensory experience. but ya cant just walk around with wet hands right

towels - the obvious choice for most, but to me they actually dont dry enough. i always end up damp and with lint stuck to me. this kills the man. but hand towels do have some variety to them, you can find em with really long fibers or really short/flat, really fuzzy or really stiff, etc. sounds silly but its smth a lot of ppl dont think about that can change a lot. you can also try super absorbent towels (yes like a shamwow), and again baby bath towels are also an option if you want something gentle.

paper towels - yeah a little more wasteful and expensive, but imo much more absorbent. theyre also pretty thin so you can get between your fingers (MY BANE), and under your nails if you use a corner. 10/10

blow drying - ik this is the kind of shit you only see in like movie theaters and malls and they are definitely LOUD AS SHIT, but if you happen to have the money, and struggle more with Textures than Noise, ie a stream of warm air seems worth the sound, you Can actually find a small basic one of these items for your own home.

4. public restrooms

everybody hates em!!! but you can make em more tolerable;;;

soap - bring your own! little travel soaps you can keep in your bag are a godsend for ppl with sensory issues, sensitive skin/allergies, and if you just prefer not sharing soap.

temperature - most public places i notice actually do get hot water pretty fast (like,,, too fast,,, like,,, it bur ns me) so if there are no faucets and its too hot or too cold, once again you can try different sinks and one might be more comfortable. if there are faucets i recommend grabbing a paper towel to turn it off, so you dont have to touch it again with your clean hands.

sound - WHY R AUTOMTIC FLUSH TOILETS SO FUCKEN LOUDD..... honestly if you have noise cancelling earmuffs or earplugs or w/e pop em in. if you dont have any of that i just literally plug my ears with my fingers when i stand up. if you struggle with the sound of the blow dryers, they almost always have paper towels as well, but its a great idea to carry something like that around in your bag with you just in case. if its really packed and people chattering is getting to you, sometimes the ‘family’ bathrooms are actually smaller and less full. if its bad enough and you feel comfortable asking, an employee might be able to direct you to a single stall bathroom or at least a different one than that.

and though its convenient, try not to use your sleeve to touch things like doorknobs, toilet handles, etc. instead use something disposable like a paper towel or wipe, bc the germs will simply transfer to your sleeve and still risk infecting you.

5. schedule

the number one suggestion is to wash your hands literally as often as possible during a time like this but like. even for allistic/nt/abled/ ppl thats just not always an attainable schedule so the Best times to wash your hands are;;;

after using the bathroom - the most important time and generally the easiest to get used to. its smth you have to do multiple times a day that already has a schedule, and if you were to forget or go into sensory overload its usually immediately accessible as soon as you can. as i mentioned earlier, if you need help remembering, you can turn the water on when you first get in and leave it going.

the doctors - ANY KIND of health facility should be avoided right now unless really necessary, places where sick people would frequent is the quickest way to get sick but like. ya rly cant help it sometimes right. you cant stop dealing with your own illnesses just bc theres another one floating around. so, this is time to go apeshit on the handwashing. if your health issue involves coughing and sneezing, ask for a face mask. bring a scarf in case they dont have any, its not as great but better than nothing. otherwise, you honestly dont need it, face masks are more for these people bc they keep germs in better than out. whether you’re worried abt getting sick or infecting others, this is a time to use hand sanitizer, avoid physical contact like shaking hands [autistic cheering], and when you first arrive and right before you go to leave are the most important times to remember to wash your hands.

preparing food - not as commonly spoken about, but also easy to work into a schedule. i personally dont care unless its food for somebody else or if im going to be putting my hands on it a lot, but if thats the case, a lot of the time thats produce you already want to wash in the sink, so you can kill two birds with one stone there. dont just get the germs off your own hands, get em off the fruits and veggies before you eat em. carpool

after grocery shopping - not very common. most ppl just slap some sanitizer/a wipe on there or dont think abt it at all, but if you just got home from walmart thats a great time to wash. you just touched a bunch of items other people touched, including the cart, money/credit cards, and all the products people will pick up and put back, so its prime germ time babey. But again, sanitizer or a wipe will help if its all you can manage after a trip out like that.

before self care - also uncommon. ppl always say ‘dont touch your face’ and ‘apply this product with clean hands’, and what they mean is that one of the fastest ways germs get into your system is through your mouth, nose, eyes and ears. if you’re simply washing your face theres not as much concern, but applying a mask, moisturizer, makeup, etc. should all be done after a gentle rinse of your hands (and face). very hard to get into the schedule of, but if you consider it a Part of your ‘self care’ or use a special fun cleanser, it can stick a little easier.

6. stim items

STIM ITEMS!! if you have stim items, its a good idea to clean them regularly, but even moreso during an outbreak like this.

rubber/plastic - if it goes in your mouth, hot water (not hot enough to melt!) and dish soap, if it doesnt, look up how to safely make a diluted bleach solution.

silicone - silicone is usually dish washer safe.

fabric - if its light, add bleach to the washing machine, if its colored, you can use white vinegar or hydrogen peroxide which are less likely to discolor any dyes. lysol detergent is also super great. small items you’re worried about losing, or items with details/loose parts, you can usually wash inside of a sealed pillow case.

‘squishies’ - for ‘mochi’ squishies aka the rubbery ones, soap and water + some dusted baby powder or corn starch (optional) to keep it from grabbing lint for a while. for foam squishies, they can rarely be deep cleaned without the risk of growing mold or taking paint off, but a disinfecting wipe every now and then should keep it clean for a while.

slime - cant be disinfected, sorry. also a breeding ground for mold if you arent careful, so its always best to cycle through these quickly.

technology - cant really be completely sterilized, but there are many places to get sprays and cleaning wipes for the devices you use that can at least keep the areas your hands frequently touch a little cleaner.

BUT of course if your item comes with instructions on how to wash it, always follow that instead. this is just a general idea.

and as a final note;;; disabled ppl should not feel guilty or dirty for struggling with this. like. man idc abt ur cringe feels or your ignorant blame or your lack of understanding/sympathy for what goes into these tasks for us. if u dont wanna get our struggles and sensitivities when we’re working twice as hard on functioning tasks which personal ease you take for granted, thats on you. @ disabled people if you struggle with maintaining the same standard of hygiene as nts you arent gross or bad fucking person, you’re disabled and by definition that means your level of functioning will be different, and you deserve sympathy. its just that germs dont discriminate, they wanna cause problems for everybody involved (especially you!!!), so Anything you can manage is Great and if anything from this post can help make it a little easier for people in any way, i feel its absolutely necessary to talk about with respect and dignity. people with autism/adhd/sensory processing disorder/similar neurodivergencies/literally anybody else this could benefit, pls feel free to add on any tips you might have or send me questions. let disabled ppl help disabled ppl do our personal bests

#nt/allistic ppl can totally reblog btw!! just dont clown like thats literally all i ask man cuz tbh #im trying to help ppl form a hygiene habit while my nd struggle was ignored and worsened by ppl being shitty to me so to be blunt ig #im helping people by giving alternatives and coping skills and all ur doing is being ableist and expecting ppl to 100% conform so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#whos really the ...~~~~~ pro recovery~~~~ one. here #hint its me sit down rude ass #long post #im scared to put in nd tags but sjgsjddsj we're JUMPIGN THE SHARK #sensory processing disorder #spd #autism #actuallyautistic #asd #adhd #sensory overload #original

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firjii · 4 years

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Boomers are autistic/ADHD too

Yanno what I’m just saying it and maybe I’ll get called a traitor or whatever but that doesn’t stop this from being a distinct possibility: there’s a lot of untreated, undiagnosed, unacknowledged ADHD and autism among boomers. I notice it every single day and I can’t believe more people don’t talk about it.

Stay with me because this gets long.

They didn’t know shit for shit about the brain when boomers were children. Hyper or “disobedient” children were beaten or given some other utterly useless and frequently detrimental punishment. Institutionalization was considered totally acceptable in moderately severe autism cases. Therapy as we know it was typically reserved for people who were so cripplingly traumatized in some way that there was literally no other choice. It was usually damage control after the fact, not intervention.

Yes, autism and ADHD have some form of research history spanning several centuries, but your average regular person didn’t know that (and still doesn’t always, since the 20th century is often egregiously known as the century of “new” medical “fads”). Your average doctor didn’t necessarily know about it. It was a relatively fringe topic, so not all psychiatrists/psychologists learned it because it was a blip (or nothing) on the syllabus unless maybe you were specializing in children or developmental disabilities (and there......really weren’t a lot of either such specialist up to a certain point :///).

Everyone else affected by it but deemed functional or marriable enough to try living in the world just dealt with it, for better and worse. Many of the blatantly obvious signs we now use for diagnosis were lumped in as a personality type/trait at best or an intelligence marker at worst.

And I get where that comes from......sort of. Brian is a persistently loud talker, Amy is deeply claustrophobic, Sam gets nervous easier than some other people, Alex needs a tiny bit more time to hand copy an address. Who is ND on closer investigation? Maybe all, maybe none. You can show a few signs without them being part of a big dire diagnosis conspiracy. Far be it for me to try to call someone something they’re not.

But given how many people are disregarded or misdiagnosed in general for anything medically-related whatsoever, it’s too easy to use that line of thought to dismiss a legitimate case or just plain avoid a problem.

Some affected boomers thrived and found careers that valued (and even normalized!!) hyperfocusing, attention to detail, channeled hyperactivity, etc. (LOOKIN AT YOU, COMPUTER ENGINEERS AND VARIOUS TECHIE INVENTORS). Some of them had/have somewhat chaotic or strained home lives, but for all intents and purposes, they do or have done at least some of what they wanted to in life.

But many others didn’t. Think about all the kids who were called “unteachable” so they barely finished high school (for fuck’s sake it was hard to even get humane tutoring for dyslexia), could barely ever keep a job, and in some cases weren’t truly prepared for having kids because they struggled to take care of themselves as it was.

Think about the stay-at-home moms who turned into lowkey addicts or alcoholics to escape feelings of uselessness/insignificance simply because sometimes they forgot to or couldn’t do something that day and everyone around them shamed them about all those little things for years or decades. We like to joke about yuppy drunks (and yes that was/is a real problem), but it wasn’t always about disgusting social habits.

Many of that generation blames the problems they’re dealing with right now on age, and that’s a close enough approximation in practice that a lot of people don’t dispute it. To be fair, age does really do that shit to people: you forget things easier, you can’t always finish a task but you’re not sure why, you don’t always have the energy you want/need, etc. Sometimes age is just age.

But I remember differently. I remember seeing those things because I was dealing with them too and couldn’t understand why the grownups were so upset at themselves when actually mistake XYZ wasn’t really a huge crisis and wasn’t a big deal – because there were double standards, both external and self-imposed. No one questioned them much with me – a small child at the time – but they were a big shitting deal when it came to an outwardly functional adult. I remember all the oddities, quirks, and problems that these people were dealing with as young as their late 30s in some cases.

That’s not age, it’s a goddamn brain issue. Age is now complicating things, yes. But so many want to pretend that they were completely normal before they turned 50 or 60 or whatever, at which point they promptly and swiftly had an overnight change. That’s not fair to anyone. It’s emotionally ruthless and medically sloppy, and yet a lot of them go on believing it anyway.

I genuinely feel that this is a reason why some boomers are so baffled or disbelieving of ND issues in their own kids and their kids’ kids. They can sometimes see younger generations’ problems in their own lives and even relate to them, but they’re so used to it – and in many cases, got zero help in learning how to manage it – that they don’t get what the big deal is about shoehorning people into miserable, unhealthy, or borderline hazardous life patterns. They assume that the massive struggle, intense frustration, and subsequent other negative health side effects are just….part of life and you either sink or swim.

And I…....kinda get that mentality because putting stock in “no excuses” does push some people to do better?? And yes you should be mindful of self-imposed excuses stopping you from doing things??

But now that overall lack of acknowledgement means that we have multiple generations who still default to believing that most of their problems are solely voluntary and conscious decisions, always and exclusively their own fault, something that they “could” just walk away from forever if they “chose” to.

We have multiple generations who still assume that they’re alone in their problems and even that they kind of deserve shitty or abusive behavior from others because they’re “bad” and “should have seen it coming” or “need to smarten up.”

We have children and grown-ass adults alike who are totally unprepared to deal with lifelong problems on top of things like broken economies and increasingly demanding neurotypicals’ social standards (because yeah, even though us younger folks warmly welcome things like the shift from calling to texting, that can still reach absurd levels of maintenance and anxiety because now the older generations assume that just because a few people are extremely “with it” that the rest of us are too).

And all because some people are so terrified of labels that they’re also willing to totally deny the existence of some very real medical stuff even though they themselves might be dealing with it.

I’m not trying to excuse crappy parents, bad home environments, bad education experiences, or anything else negative. I’m also not trying to blame all of psychology’s faults on one generation.

I’m just saying that it’s not that surprising if you really stop and think about it.

Psychology and neurology have come a long way in a fairly short time (granted it still needs to go much further, but at least we’ve started) and it kinda makes you wonder if things would be different now if our parents and grandparents had known then what we know now.

ASD doesn’t have an age limit. Just because it’s close to impossible for some people (especially borderlines and maskers) to get a formal diagnosis once they’re legal adults doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist at 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, or 80. It’s more a question of whether anyone bothers to, well...ask questions.

So yes, some people are just unapologetic assholes who don’t want to hear the truth or entertain any notions other than their own, even after being presented with hard evidence. They’re obsessed with normality, sometimes to the point of fetishization. Fuck them entirely, I agree.

But don’t assume that the younger generations own the copyright on neurodivergency. We just happen to live in a time when it’s starting to be less deniable so some of us can take action sooner to deal with it.

#asd #autism #adhd #adult autism #boomers #adult adhd #generational problems #baby boomer generation #boomers vs millenials #boomers vs gen z

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quiltwork · 4 years

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But to go on a weird tangent; That voices book reminds me a whole lot of internal family systems therapy.. WHICH REMINDS ME OF MY (Old??) PARTS I HAD when I was a kid/teen. That I OFTEN ASSOCIATE WITH KINS BECAUSE THAT IS THE BEST WAY I’VE FOUND TO DESCRIBE/SHOW THEM OFF, OKAY??! Don’t make this weird...

So going off of the book’s categorization of voices and the roles of internal families, I’ve summarized my parts to be:

The Queen Bee, Manager. Full of Pride and Self-Justification. Brandy Harrington from Brandy and Mr. Whiskers. This part covers up “weaknesses” of being autistic, learning disabled, domestic violence, emotional neglect, multiple family member abandonment, and child on child sexual abuse. She represents that 11 year old me who tried so hard to fit in and emulate her abusers. All she wanted was to be affirmed, valued and validated.

Same with the other “Queen” Manager lol. Another part full of Pride. This one specifically I held onto at 13 because I just could not get any real discussion going with my mom on why I questioned my sexuality, and I just felt super invalidated so I rebelled as a form of “self care”. The difference between the Queens is one wants to fit in, the other wants to stand out but still be the Best That Ever Was, hahaha. They cover up all the same so-called weaknesses still (ZIM covers up grooming abuse as well), and really just need to both know they’re valued by Jesus, so they can celebrate their strengths instead of using them as a shield.

And this is the final Queen, the Dream Queen Manager. Sawyer from Cats Don’t Dance. Basically the idealized working class woman who finds success eventually after hustling to the max. My teenage dream come true to finally reaching adulthood after the mess of childhood and coming out on Top Better than The Rest. A sort of weird euphoria fever dream of “I can’t wait for my life to start in college and career!” completely disregarding my mental health. Still needs to know she’s loved by God and it’s okay to be disabled, use her strengths instead for her community.

Foreign Exchange Boy, the Manager. Self doubt, self condemning, second guessing. Steven Universe. 15-16 year old victim wearing the disguise of a boy because she hates her body that much by now and wishes she were the opposite, a strong fat boy. This part literally ran on shame in a way that was running away from sexual traumas instead of facing them and accepting them (like all Managers do, basically). This voice reveals our human limitations. Through biblical self awareness, she can hold herself accountable as a girl without striving for the impossible. She can learn to love her body.

Good Girl Nice Girl and/or Runaway. Mihashi Ren. I see them as a mixture of both Manager and Firefighter. Normally people pleasing at the expense of herself, but ready to run somewhere else if things get out of control. This parts been around for as long as I can remember, since my preteens, actually. This part says it’s good to serve others and share in their happiness.

Being a good kid and meeting my peers’ expectations of a nice girl who would do anything so they wouldn’t leave, and that she could absorb their identities and self esteem. Jesus taught it was good to serve without expecting anything back. You typically won’t, anyway, with the way this part likes to go about it. When she runs, she can run to God’s rest in prayer like in times’ past. He doesn’t grow weary from work that He should want breaks from us.

The Revolutionary Manager. Dan from Dan Vs. From 16 to 17 as I was still trans, I was absolutely fed up with the world by this point that I snapped. Not that I haven’t before, many parts beg to differ... This voice Resents, Condemns and Controls Others to try to fix the broken world, so they in turn can fix themselves. Real petty stuff, but funny in a cartoon. The good thing this part means to say is it’s good to look out for your neighbor, esp if they’re on a harmful path. Jesus shows how He challenged others without forcing them to be like Him, but to forgive and trust their lives in the Father’s hands.

The Lovesick Love Interest Manager. Yuno Gasai. I didn’t know there was a character who could so accurately describe a part, and her show came out a year after this part took over, so there were no influences. At 14-15 years old, I developed love addiction for this girl and convinced her to date me so I could stave off suicidal thoughts from my emotional neglect and abandonment. She’d cheat, me being immature thinking she was too cowardly to tell them to leave her alone, I’d fight off boys at every turn.

Exalting myself to prove my worth, people pleasing her to keep her around and have an identity and self worth, and overcorrecting and fighting rivals to keep the relationship safe. All in the game of covering up the sexual abuse, grooming abuse and neglect which lead to this. Eventually when I lost her due to putting up boundaries after saying yes to too many things I didn’t truly agree to, this Manager slowly faded into the Revolutionary. Whoops. Jesus still sees and loves her in her weaknesses, she doesn’t have to earn His love because He stays anyway, and He doesn’t have favorites.

A Manager I don’t have a kin for. Mute was silent in public. Schools and everywhere else, she kept quiet to avoid ridicule and rejection. Exalts Others by fading into the background. Wishes she could make friends, but can’t out of fear. Assumes she’s in good standing and is noticed already for it, but is instead ignored or denied a personality. This voice says it’s good to listen more than quickly speak. God sees me and wants to be my friend. Nothing I do could surprise Him enough to give up on me.

We’re onto the Firefighters. This is Ghost. A couple times during toddler years, once during my preteens, Ghost’s dissociation was a mainstay at 13 onwards. Sometimes floating around causing chaos without realizing it, for me to come to and be horrified at the awkward consequences. Because of outside or inside stress, she zones out somewhere.

She held back traumatic memories with amnesia, as well. This response is a God given pain medication and sedative, but during inopportune times, we need to dance, stomp our feet, feel textures, notice colors and food tastes to wake up. Or remember something funny or lovely from nostalgia if emotionally numb, too.

The others I don’t have kins for. I can only describe them. Bingey feels the worlds out of control, so she overeats to calm down. I may not be able to control what the world does, but I am accountable to how much food I take in. I make our meals every 4 hours with snacks in-between. I’ve found I love cooking, and it’s okay to enjoy life’s pleasures in moderation. Daydream jumps on dissociation wagon by hanging out in the bedroom all day to go to another fantasy world. This voice shows us it’s okay to have dreams and be in awe of God’s creation. He has a hopeful future for us that we’ll love and we can worship Him for His work, instead of escaping into illusions and never going outside.

Itch is the unaware self harmer. Skin picking. Whenever stressed, here it comes. This voice reminds me that we need care. Like a toddler crying and tugging on our clothes for help and love. Gently redirect the Itch somewhere else to take care of the child underneath.

There’s Masochist. Self harmer who uses sex. Born out of shame, sexual traumas, family dynamics. Masochist loves to bully “weaknesses” like being too skinny, eating too much, having a female body, being a sexual object, being stupid. Feeds on rape fantasies by themselves or showing up to keep relationships safe when I don’t feel like being intimate with others. But in Jesus, I can love myself for my weight, sex, and disabilities because He does and He made me this way. He shows me I can be sexually pure in marriage with a godly man who loves me for me. If marriage is not destined, I’m still okay with God.

Finally, Student is the workaholic perfect kid to deflect attention away from obvious dysfunctional family dynamics, so nothing worse happens in foster homes. Born from domestic violence, school torture and seclusion, training and brainwashing beliefs of internalized ableism and masking, and the idea from family to never tell the truth about home life. There’s nothing wrong with working, but we can’t be perfect or hide everything forever. I can work for God and tell Him the truth without fear of tragedy.

#long post #of course there's the exiles #but I haven't read that far yet #that's enough for today #I'm exhausted #tbh??#can a person have THIS many parts and NOT have DID???#This concerns me..

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destroyyourbinder · 7 years

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finally,

I wanted to write something quickly while I was sitting in my family’s house again. Many, many thoughts come to me here. This place is absolutely not what it once was to me, now that I have left and have another home, yet I am still subject to encapsulation by the forces present here. While here I am alienated from my new life, emotionally and physically; while at the place I now call home, I am alienated from nearly everything of my old life, which includes my family, the only people I had any significant proximity to for about twenty-six years.

I come here about every other week to visit my father, who has lung cancer and is now, with almost certainty, in the process of dying. This place has always been saturated with anxiety, but now it is impossibly dark, headed towards infinite darkness. Switching back and forth between my new home and my old is disorienting, especially under these conditions. It feels like total jet lag of existence. I don’t know how to walk through my parents’ front door, knowing I am walking into the world in which I was held captive and isolated for years, and knowing I am walking into a world in which I am completely subjugated to my mother’s abuse, but knowing that I must walk anyway, because I may be able to now count the number of times I will see my father again on my hands. I escaped my parents’ house in August of last year to live with my sister, who had an apartment in an even more isolated rural area of this state. I suppose now it is roughly the anniversary of the first time I had ever lived apart from them. I expected that this event would be life-changing. It was. But it was not life-changing in the way I expected, at all. When we tell people that it is ok or encourage them to make a huge decision, one that is self-actualizing or affirming, we often do so by discounting the fears they have about the decision, or attempting to get them to make a “rational” decision by listing the pros and cons and weighing them, as if positives can cancel out negatives. I do not regret moving out of my parents’ house, nor making the decision to move out of my sister’s place to live with my girlfriend, but many of my fears did absolutely come true. I am poor. I am lonely. I cannot get a job that is enjoyable or worthwhile, or uses my strengths, or even respects me as a human being. I did not make it to graduate school and never likely will. My mother disowned me for a few months, absolutely knowing how sick my father was, and would not permit me in the family’s home, nor would talk to me. She acknowledges I exist, now, but she has banned my girlfriend from her house, from my father’s future funeral, and has even banned me from using the word “girlfriend” in her presence. I am now subject to more homophobia, now that I am visibly and openly gay, than I ever thought could bear down on a real, living human being, one that existed outside of the realm of scare stories. I am still depressed, anxious, and dysphoric. I am in excruciating pain from the working conditions of my job and cannot make it to a doctor, because I have little free time and have no car. And so on.

My life looks like exactly how I feared in many ways, and exactly how my mother warned me it would become. If my past self a year ago knew what my life looked like now, she might not have moved out at all. The decision would still have just been as brutally difficult. I could never have predicated the decision on my becoming “happier”, because in most ways I am absolutely not. When I was trans-identified I thought that someday, I would reach a state where my hardships would end, or at least I could significantly mitigate or avoid them. I was in denial that these facts-- that I was a woman, that I was not interested in men, that I was autistic and disabled by mental illness, that I had a circuitous path through schooling, that I was abused in childhood, and that I was raised by two parents that although they made it to the middle class in adulthood had grown up in poverty (and my mother in severe poverty) -- meant that I was always going to unavoidably face a number of hardships.

I was still in denial of this when I attempted to apply to graduate school while working 12-hour shifts at a distribution warehouse, trying to study for the GREs, thirty minutes a night in the bathtub, while soaking my throbbing feet that were ground into hamburger by the metal catwalks I walked miles on. I think I stopped being in denial of this sometime around when I was standing in the parking lot of the town grocery store in the bumfuck mountains, at about 10 PM on a frigid January night, about ready to leave to go live with my girlfriend in the big city, listening to my mother tell me over the phone that I was no longer her daughter. I don’t really know what changed in me, then. At some point I realized there was no escape, as the sort of woman I was, as any woman at all. But I think I must have realized in that moment that even literally escaping, having my sister stuff blankets and food and clothes into her car and drive me and my girlfriend in the winter dark, miles and miles away from everything I had ever known, did not mean that I could really leave my past, myself, behind. What I did was worth it in many ways, as were many things I chose in the last year or so. But it should be made clear that these were choices made out of necessity, out of deep conflicts in my life, rather than empowerment. I chose not to transition, for example, and this will affect my life forever. It was a choice I made in accordance with my values, but it was not a choice that made me fulfilled or happy. If I had chosen to transition, it very likely would have turned out similarly. When I was trans-identified I believed strongly that it was only the things blocking me from transition that stopped me from being fulfilled or happy, and once I was able to transition I would be on a path towards contentment and meaning. But this was false; that would have not been so. One of the biggest things I have learned over the last year is that often, we-- all people, but women in particular-- are forced to make choices where there is no good option, only the least bad. The devastating part of making these choices is that we will always end up having doubts or regrets about whichever fork of the decision we chose. This is the case even if it genuinely was the least harmful decision or was, in fact, the only decision we could make. I strongly regret moving out of my parents’ house. I feel guilt beyond guilt, both for leaving in the first place, and for not returning home. My father was diagnosed with stage three lung cancer only a few months after I had left. I could have turned back. I could have chosen to turn towards them when they had no one else to comfort them or help them, but instead I abandoned them. I will likely regret this for the rest of my days alive. But imagine I had stayed. It is difficult for me to imagine ever being able to leave; my mother would have had the ultimate trump card with my father’s sickness and his eventual death, and I would have remained in her house, probably until she was gone herself. A forty-year old version of myself who had never lived apart from her abusive mother, who had to grieve her father under her mother’s thumb and knew it meant also the end of her independent life, would also have plenty of regrets. Occasionally I think to myself, “finally, I’ve arrived.” “Finally, here is my chance.” “Finally, I am home.” “Finally, I am loved.” “Finally, I am happy.” But things change. What I have managed to achieve is not permanent. When I moved out of my family’s home into my sister’s apartment, I thought, “finally,” then. It was the opportunity I had waited for all my life. I was going to go to school. I was going to get better, mentally. I was going to build myself up, bring myself up and out of my circumstances. And then my father got cancer. In the next few months I spent all my money helping someone, suddenly, under bizarre circumstances, I had to get a shitty job at a warehouse to make up the cash, and then my car’s engine blew-- right after I had spent serious money to get it to pass the state inspection-- in an unwalkable town surrounded by the Appalachians, with my sick father hours away. There was no “finally”, anymore. I had left my parents’ house thinking that I would get one. My decision was predicated on the assumption that there would be a “finally”. That I could rest, that something in me would get peace, that I could settle something down inside. What would I have chosen if I knew what would happen to me in the next four or five months alone? Could I have even faced the decision if I knew that “finally” would turn into “again and again”? I know now that I can’t make my decisions with the understanding that I will get a “finally”. It doesn’t stop me from hoping, anyway. I don’t know how to look into anyone’s face-- the faces of the gay kids watching those “it gets better” videos, the face of a young person considering transition, my own face in the mirror-- to say the truth, which is that you don’t get to run away from your past once and for all, but you have to keep running. I am capable of enduring much more, now, than I ever could, but the fact is that I have to endure a lot. Sometimes I think endurance is pretty much what life is. I can remember sitting in the psych hospital for days on end, with nothing and nobody familiar around me and nothing to do, and feeling all of the seconds drip past me as if I could hear each one annoyingly plink from a faucet. I realized then that endurance is peculiar; in many ways, you don’t have to do anything at all, yet it torments you all the same. I endured the hospital with the understanding that it would be over in a week. But I can’t endure most things in life like this. I endured my female state with the understanding it would be gone upon transitioning to male, but what many of us who end up not transitioning or who detransition ultimately realize is that this is not what transitioning does. Our femaleness follows us, dogs us, all the same. There is truly no “finally,” when it comes to being female, and that is what makes it so difficult. I can tell myself I can endure my father’s sickness with the knowledge that his suffering will end, but this is not how I will have to actually endure. I have to endure it knowing that his senseless, agonizing death in my early life will haunt me for the rest of it. I have to endure it knowing that the end, the “finally”, spells the irreversible destruction of his existence. I don’t have any answers to this. I wish I had a way to end this piece, but I suppose the point is that there are no ends to things, and nothing tidy to sum things up.

#writings

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