#that fic fucked me up dude they are literally my entire brain

[asoulwithadream]

TEASER REVIEW BECAUSE I'M DEAD

it's him. he's back. HE'S BACK. BESTIES HE'S BACK. i'm sick. his letter has caused my entire brain to shut down. "I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. I LOVE BEING NEAR YOU. BREATHING THE SAME AIR" bestie how did you find ao3 in 1717? AND THEY GAVE US ALL THAT IN THE FUCKING TEASER TOO?????? dude he looks so fucking heartbroken– YEARNING RAAAAAAAH

THIS FUCKING SCENE— he CUSTOMISED THE TOPPERS TO LOOK LIKE THEM I'M CRYING SOBBING ROLLING ON THE FLOOR. omg omg omg omg they love eachother so much PLEASE. and poor sweet ed jesus he has been CRYING AND HE LOOKS SO EMPTY IM SICK IM DYING IM DEAD. i'm sick, i need the icu help. does this mean he's good at painting.

GOTH UNIFORMS. THEY'RE REAL. im so incredible sick frenchie has cat claws. HE HAS CAT CLAWS IM DYING. and JIM HAS A PAINTED BEARD and SHAVED SIDES. i'm actually going to burst into tears. my heart is going to stop at any moment. even FANG HAS A COOL NEW UNIFORM

i don't think i'm alive anymore at this point. THE PARALLEL. THE PARALLEL. and 9 guns he literally turned into the kraken. HE TURNED INTO THE VERY THING HE HATED HELP ME PLEASE (also did anyone notice the scene where he rose out of the ocean was very similar to potc??????? help??????) stede please stop looking lovingly out in the distance my heart has gotten enough beatings

competent stede in red. FABULOUS IM GOING TO CRYYY 2. izzy hands it's izzy isreal it's you PLEASE this is so reminisence of all the ao3 fics— izzy's finally realised what ed has become and needs to go find stede and bring ed back PLEASE HELP I'm GOING TO CRY IZZY AND STEDE BEING FRIENDS NO NO NO NO NO HELP HELP HELP HELP this is his road to self discovery and acceptance and love i'm feral

that's the same place mofos THAT'S THE SAME PLACE. THEY'RE CLOSE. omg they're going to end up FIGHTING EACHOTHER AREN'T THEY AREN'T THEY OR IS IT THE FIRST TIME THEY SEA EACHOTHER . (also, COMPETENT STEDE?????) HELP ME THEY'RE SO FIGHTING. OMG what if they're running TOWARDS EACHOTHER OKFLAIKHFL please this is insane i will cry david jenkins you have forsaken us all.

minnie what are you doing to stede. HE DOESn'T WANT IT. He'S UNCOMFORTABLE IN SUCH A STATE. LITERALLY THE NAME OF ONE OF THE EPISODES ANNE LEAVE HIM ALONE, (and do it to me) (please i'm desperate)

these two barbies are having the times of their lives.

im convinced that "susan" (whoever ruibo quan is playing) is a mermaid. buttons is being taught the way of the sea by her since she is part fish. she is setting him up with the ocean so they can make sweet love, instead of yearning like captain blondie and emo over there

WHO'S FALLEN IN A RIVER IN LEGO CITY. IT MUST BE SOMEONE ON BLACKBEARD'S SHIP MATES IS IT ED????? ED HAS FALLEN OFF A SHIP IN LEGO CITY. HELP ME WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW OMG THE REVENGE ISN'T SINKING ISN'T SHE??? PLEASE DON'T DO THAT TO ME

THIS IM SORRY BUT WEE JOHN IS LOOKING ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS, ROACH HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE, AND IS THAT PETE THAT MUST BE PETE IT'S PETE ISN'T IT IT'S BLACK PETE. we don't have enough content with pete. YOU KNOW WHY? or else it would have to include LUCIUS. HAH. got you there david

well. that concludes my current rant. other parts of the trailer have been excluded bc they deserve their own posts OR others have phrased it better than me LMAO (yeah because what i wrote is peak shakespeare)

october 5th can't come fast enough help me

**UPDATE: FULL THEORY BASED ON THIS

#ofmd #our flag means death #rant #ofmd teaser rant #ofmd s2 #ofmd 2 #stede bonnet #ed teach #david jenkins #taika waititi #rhys darby #they're back they're really actually back #october 5th

[dinadumas]

I love the problematic of tomarry in time travel fics and now I'm going to explain why hehe

Let's take a look at Tom and Harry separately.

We have Harry who is 16~17 years old. Say what you will, but he's a sarcastic asshole. This is perfectly demonstrated by mama Ro in the books (like the moments when Harry interacts with the Dursleys and many others).

The first 11 years of living with muggles affected him in a bad way. Dumbledore is a good man, but I judge him for Harry's childhood. He grew up an intimidated and lonely child so his friends were the most precious people in his life to him. He treasures good people.

Fucking prophecy. Jesus. Harry had been trained since he was 11 years old to beat some crazy dude who talked to snakes. For an 11-year-old boy just entering the wizarding world, it was like a professional boxer's punch. For him, the wizarding world was a hope for a better life. Surprise Harry, I'm sorry. The beautiful fairy tale turned out to be a lie.

He developed a hero complex during his Hogwarts years. He was willing to die to destroy the horcrux inside him and give others hope for the death of the dark lord.

Well, and let's not forget the wonderful sophomore year when Harry was bullied for parseltongue. Surely that wasn't pleasant and left its own residue okay?

He's impulsive. Harry's a man of action. He does some shit first and then thinks about the consequences afterwards ahahahaha

And let's talk honestly, you ready for this. He absolutely has ptsd. I wouldn't be surprised if he sleeps with a wand in his hand, seriously. Harry has been tried to kill at least 4 or 5 times, his friends and many others have been killed and tortured. Because of his status as the chosen one, he blamed all the troubles on himself. Cerrick's death was also a blow. This episode is absolute hell.

Harry is a strong wizard. Like baby... a patronus at 13? That's crazy. I love that kid. All in all, Harry Potter is a tired ball of nerves with a dash of sarcasm peppered with powerful magic.

And, uh, we have Tom.

Tom at 16~17?

God help me.

He's a monster. In both good and bad ways. This punk literally being an orphan without any support has taken control of an entire slytherin house filled with pompous snobs and blood purity advocates. Himself. Tom... how? My props.

Can you feel the magnitude of his genius and charisma? His only weapons were his mouth, his brains and his looks. Oh, and magic. He was lucky in one way. Merope fell in love with a Muggle. Let's thank her.

Thank you.

Let's continue. The orphanage. Apart from the meager food and lack of heating, the orphanage isn't too bad because Tom could fight back against those kids, but 24/7, 11 years of living in hate does its job. Tom is cynical. He doesn't trust people at all. To him, they're either an obstacle or a means to an end. Manipulator? Yeah huh, that's Tom Riddle.

Let's not make him a demon. Let's look back to June, 1943. We know Tom didn't plan to kill Myrtle. It was an accident. That means that at the time he probably wouldn't have decided to kill her himself, but fate made its move and it happened. You could say it was the beginning of his downfall. Tom didn't care about other people's lives, but after June, all moral boundaries that held him back were erased.

We all know why he was chasing immortality. The war. He saw it with his own eyes. All those ruined streets and dead bodies. He heard it all with his own ears. The sounds of explosions and evacuation signals.

He was terrified of his own weakness before death and the prospect of being just another nameless body. And he had ambitions for the whole of magical Britain. Yeaah.

All in all, the tag magnificent creep describes Tom Riddle very accurately.

Now let's look at these two little punks together.

Boom! You feel that? Explosive mix.

They're a lot alike, so competing with each other is something special for them. It makes the blood in their veins flow faster. And given their history for Harry and the horcrux connection for Tom, it's a hell of a relationship.

But. Their morals. Even if they're similar in some ways, they're still too different. It's cursed. Seriously. Harry and Tom took their lives every day. But they did it in different ways, and that makes all the difference. Tom initially fought for a better life for himself, later it turned into an obsession to turn the whole ministry upside down. Harry also wanted a better life, but he also wanted the happiness of the people around him. He wanted to be surrounded by that happiness. Because...well, why would happy people want to harm him? Exactly.

Harry sees his happiness in others, he wants to share it with someone else while Tom uses other people's weaknesses to find the best place under the sun for himself.

That's what I see as the problem tomarry. It's the way they accomplish their goals. They want the same thing, but they do it in completely different ways and it leads to different results.

It's crazy. It's killing me.

Unfortunately every day of their lives would be a little war. Sure, it adds passion to their relationship but it also hurts them. Harry would never accept Tom's indifference to other people's lives, and Tom would never feel safe around Harry or be able to trust him completely.

I think we all realize that the foundation of a strong relationship is trust in your partner. In a moment of special intimacy when they both know each other very well they will absolutely not trust each other completely. After all, they know what their lover is capable of.

Tom: You annoy the hell out of me

Harry: ...

Tom: but I'm obsessed with you, go on.

#tomarry #harry potter #tom riddle #My English is poor #sorry #harrymort

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What are your favourite “Bella” moments from either your fics or the source material

My top ten Bella Swan decisions from canon.

Beyond that I love Bella deciding Jessica's the worst after the movie adventure for not wanting to hang out with her anymore, Bella's "I'll make it so my dad isn't traumatized by my disappearance" speech during the James debacle which is "I hate you dad and I'm running away!", her impassioned Switzerland speech that she honestly thinks will make the shapeshifters and Cullens get along with one another, Bella's "you're killing my buzz" when Edward's panicking post sex because she looks like she's been beaten with a baseball bat and Bella's trying to tell him it was the single greatest night of her life, Bella's speech to Jacob that "I can totally have sex with my vampire husband like any normal person" and not blinking an eye with the wolves have to literally drag him screaming out of her wedding reception, and well basically every moment.

Bella's a fucking delight and honestly, I am but a humble apprentice who cannot capture the sheer insanity of Bella Swan compared to the master of Stephanie Meyer.

I try and always fall short.

But from fics (hijacking from my and @therealvinelle's cowritten stuff as well)

Bella the Sad Fucking Clown from Blue Moon

Bella thinks she's having sex with Edward, that he's inviting her to his house to have sex or at least get closer to having sex. Bella takes this very seriously and decides to make herself look sexy with makeup. Trouble is, Bella has 0 experience applying makeup and ends up looking like a clown.

The worse trouble is that Edward wasn't there to have sexy with Bella: the plan is Bella's now having sex with his father.

Bella gets dropped off by Edward to fuck his dad while dressed as a sad sad clown.

(She decides to have rebound sex anyway and convinces Carlisle into this by being too pathetic to function.)

Bella I Need to Pass My Classes but Oh No I Put in No Effort from Painting Red Madonnas

Bella fucks up and signs up for the wrong class. Bella then proceeds to forget she's actually taking the class and ends up failing it both to her absurd lack of talent as well as the fact that she stopped doing any work in class.

She then proceeds to move in with the aliens so she can... save Marcus... maybe... it's unclear.

Bella the Aliens Want Me to Get Pregnant from The Less Than Immaculate Conception (by me and @therealvinelle)

Bella concludes from Marcus being in the right roman baths (while Bella's in the wrong one) that Marcus must want to sleep with her because his alien overlords want to study human intercourse/get her pregnant with a weird mutant alien baby.

Bella decides this is a great idea and proceeds to have sex with Marcus.

Marcus thinks she wants sex because she's a virgin and her only other option are creepy dudes at frat parties.

Bella Everyone Killed Jacob from And Then There Were None (by me and @therealvinelle)

Unable to cope with the idea of parting with Jacob or Jacob's suspiciously timed death, Bella proceeds to blame her entire family, including Edward, and murders them all. When she's shown proof that her family did not, in fact, murder Jacob and it was all a tragic accident she decides that they made her kill them because they made her think they killed Jacob.

She then proceeds to kill everyone else for killing Jacob.

Bella's Impassioned Speech from For the Love of a Woman (bu me and @therealvinelle)

At the end of the story Bella has learned things about not letting your romantic relationships define you. She's learned so many things. She's also learned that being hot and a vampire is amazing and solved all her problems.

She kind of lost the thread of that speech somewhere in there.

Bella "Let's Form a Polycule" and "Jacob, I've Come Up with a Brilliant Plan to Murder Esme" in Leech in the Rain (by me and @therealvinelle)

In the emotional fallout of Bleach on the Brain (by @therealvinelle) Bella looks to Jacob for emotional support as Edward... isn't doing so well. She decides that she and Jacob and Edward have always been in a polycule because uh emotions and needing each other and emotions. Bella convinces exactly 0 people that this is a legitimate and non-toxic relationship. Bonus points that Carlie gets to hear about this from Renee.

Also a winner, Bella's plan to kill Esme that backfires horribly when Jacob ends up dying instead.

Bella "I'm in Love with Hong Bellamy" from The Seventh Seal

Bella decides she's in love with what, to her, looks like a supernatural god-like pretty boy who can tell the future among other things. She's actually fallen in love with an almost personalityless alien, derived from her own soul, who is sick and tired of her bullshit and just wants to make a baby in a cave.

Bella then gets upset when said alien doesn't tell her the truth about being an alien but later elopes with him and becomes a vampire (much to Carlisle's infinite distress).

Bella "Renesmee is Really Ruining this Vacation" from Last Christmas (by me and @therealvinelle)

Bella loses her three-year-old daughter at the airport, said daughter is then held hostage by the Volturi. Bella decides this is all Renesmee's fault, she clearly wanted to be lost then kidnapped, and that she's singlehandedly destroying the family out of her self-centered actions.

Bella "I'm Not Cheating on Edward" and "Oh my god, does Edward actually love me?!" from Dark Fantasies/Writhing Coils (by me and @therealvinelle)

Upon realizing she's been bamboozled by a shapeshifting tentacle hentai monster, Bella has to justify to herself whether or not this was cheating and decides it's not because she's helping a poor creature and the Cullens would definitely do the same if informed. For a variety of reasons, the Cullens don't get informed, Edward makes Hentai monster's acquaintance and Bella then wonders given Edward's response if he's actually attracted to her at all. She then slides into a deep depression where she dislikes the tentacle monster (she quickly forgets about this the next time she and tentacle monster meet but not before she explodes with tentacle hentai squid larvae)

Bella's "Carlisle is wrong! Sex is amazing!" and "Maybe Carlisle was right :/ Sex kind of sucks" from Prima Nocta (by me and @therealvinelle)

Bella and Edward get talked into sleeping with Tanya and Eleazar. Bella briefly feels very liberated and sexually awakened and is appalled that Edward's curmudgeny unenlightened father is upset about this. Later, Eleazar sleeps with Edward in front of her roleplaying as Edward and Carlisle (Bella is a sexy lamp) and Bella's feelings do an abrupt one-eighty.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #bella swan #meta #headcanon #opinion #vinelle #therealvinelle

[minhosimthings]

Skz and their most common nicknames in fics (+ reasons why I die for it)

Bang Christopher Chan: Babygirl. Alright I mean first of all he's our daddy because we are his babygirls. Second of all, I die for this because of HIS ACCENT. Whenever he says babygirl in that thick Aussie accent and does that stupidly adorable smile, my heart and melts and I go into this state of lovesickness and delusion but HEY it's not entirely my fault (Looking at you Mr Christopher)

Lee Minho: Kitten. Dude if you do not agree that Minho will call his s/o kitten, you are so wrong. It's the most cannon event thing out of all cannon events that Minho uses the name kitten, and I eat this up so much. This man's entire existence is basically cats. (I would know cause I'm his wife) Kitten is just so... romantically sensual. Like it's sexy and can be used in a very hot scene, but it's also so romantic, like Minho has a personalized nickname for you and it's just so skdjvdhehdbdbb sorry my brain is short circuiting rn.

Seo Changbin: Bunny. He's your Binnie, you're his bunny. Especially if you have bunny teeth, or just a bunny like personality, this is such a sweet nickname. Like imagine him just running up to you with a new song he made and saying 'bunny bunny! Look I made this for you!' or if you're in the gym he'd be like 'bunny do you want to do the weights now?' OSJDBSHSGSVSGH MY HEART CANT HANDLE THIS.

Hwang Hyunjin: Muse or flower. Another cannon event. Like babe I genuinely believe this man is someone who would be so whipped for his partner and dedicate his paintings to show his love towards them whenever he can't express them in words. As a painter myself, I am inspired by people around me a lot, so I feel like Hyunjin would also do that. Like if he proposed to you, he would paint a picture of your favourite flower and a ring and underneath the painting, it would be written 'A flower for my flower. Marry me, my muse?' I'm going into a Hyunjin limbo..... And I don't want to get out.

Han Jisung: literally anything cheesy as fuck. He would call you shit like 'my pookie wookie bear' and then look at you with those wide quokka eyes and you would just melt, but also internally cringe because of the nickname. Usually he would just call you 'babe' or 'jagiya' but sometimes his brain just tells him to give you a random burst of affection and then he does shit like this and then you're like how can you not love him? The boys found your contact in his phone one day and they still won't stop teasing you about it.

Lee Felix Yongbok: Sunshine or Cupcake. Yet another cannon event. Like how can you not look at this man and say he's not the embodiment of sunshine? You could take out the Sun from the solar system and replace him with it and I guarantee you, the world won't change one bit. He'd be your sunshine and you'd be his. Lighting up each other's life. He'd also call you his cupcake and when you'd ask him why he does that, he'd pull out a 3000 page document and one han Jisung to perform a song as to why he calls you what he does.

Kim Seungmin: Pup. Of course it's because of his puppy like personality and PuppyM! He would just stick to calling you 'babe' at the beginning of the relationship to keep up his tsundere reputation, but as he falls more in love with you, he'd call you 'pup' to remind you of how much joy you bring into his life. It physically hurts my tiny heart whenever I imagine a domestic relationship with him, when you are cooking and he just goes 'pup what are you making? It smells good.' (gonna go I need to sob in the corner now)

Yang Jeongin: honey. Alright listen LISTEN. That one clip of him saying 'honey mmmWAH' and blowing a kiss towards Stay before dancing with Minho, is just giving me massive brainrot. Honey is just such an old fashioned name and while he is the youngest of the group, his entire vibe sometimes just gives me vintage vibes. He would call you honey because you'd be the thing that brightens his day every day just like how honey sweetens his coffee. It's just so sweet and short and everytime he would go off to work in the morning, he'd give you a quick kiss and say 'bye honey' nope I can't do this my heart is too tiny.

#skz #stray kids #ot8 #bang chan #lee know #changbin #Hyunjin #han #felix #Seungmin #i.n #skz headcanons #bang christopher chan #lee minho #seo Changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix yongbok #kim Seungmin #yang Jeongin #skz fluff #UGH MY HEART RIGHT NOW #i need some LOVE #gonna go annoy my gf #babe give me LOVE #alright she needs to type out her document I'll leave her for now and get some ramen #bye bye now #have a great day ahead

[twinanimatronics]

Your fic (and Lofi, of course) has some of the strongest dedication to canon adherence I've ever seen in a DA fic, yet still manages to tell a wonderful new story within those bounds. That makes me curious though- how do you feel about other fics, which generally don't stick as close to the canon? Or fics that throw the entire canon out the window and do whatever they want?

Chejcjejd

Thank you >////< I take that as a compliment and confirmation that I’m doing a good job of fitting all the puzzle pieces we as the fandom have been given together.

Like, this is just mostly really specific to me cause of where my little ADHD/Autistic brain lands on the spectrum—

I’m extremely detail oriented and really get into my research when I hyper-fixate. But I feel my Master Doc for the Daycare Attendant kinda already made that obvious XD

Literally me:

Also—

I and @dana-chan-the-control-brain—my partner in crime for years now—just REALLY love the challenge of theorizing and story crafting within the limitations of what happened in canon.

It’s fun and it lets us use our overthinking tendencies to do something creative instead of stressing over irl stuff.

We will slightly change things to incorporate any new lore as it’s found out/revealed (like it being canonically 2035 in Security Breach) so that it’ll still all perfectly fit with the narrative we want to tell without changing the core elements of either.

Like, without going into spoilers, the canonical year made us have a deep plotting debate session for things planned but not revealed yet that would need adjusting.

And I won’t lie, sometimes I can be really aggravating with trying to get things to fit and make sense XD.

But we eventually came to a revelation/decision, with some helpful input from @witchysolfan, that made everything work out to our advantage.

Also, also—

Security Breach actually allows for a lot more wiggle room than you’d think because of the fact it has multiple endings.

All the endings are canon to their own contained timelines, even if the TRUE Ending is the Afton one. It’s just a matter of picking one to follow.

And if you DON’T pick a canon Security Breach ending or decide to say none of it happened and forgo canon all together, that in itself is ALSO technically canon.

Cause Scott has confirmed that the different iterations of the FNaF story he’s presented through the games and books are all their own contained realities.

The books are “What if?“ scenarios involving if one, or two, or more things were changed and give hints for what happened in the main timeline: the game timeline.

Everything happened and even things that canonically DIDN’T still exist in another timeline as games or books as made-up stories (Or NOT made up stories that they’re TRYING to pass as fake as we saw in Help Wanted).

Like—

Let’s take the Sun and Moon lore leaked from Books #3 and #4 of Tales From the Pizzaplex for this.

@thatmooncake @pixelchills @ ing you guys for this part cause I think you might be interested in this take.

The books say that Sun and Moon were a repurposed theater animatronic and that Moon is sort of a glitch/virus that was always evil.

The books also say the generators were put in place cause of power-fluctuations to keep Moon at bay from the beginning of the daycare’s run.

Now.

This may be true for THAT timeline. But there are a lot of elements that can apply and change to make this fit anyone’s fic if they really want to include as many elements as they can (like me)

Moon being a glitch/always evil and a problem as the character who reveals this info says is a LIE.

Because what is Fazbear Entertainment REALLY good at?

Coverups.

Hiding the truth.

Because this fucking building as of the second Tales book is confirmed to be built on top of the corpses of 11 construction workers and 8 teenagers that snuck onto the construction site/.

There’s potential this dude is LYING that Moon was always a problem or a glitch. Moon could have easily been fine and really sweet and gentle with the kids when not playing around with them pretending to be an evil gremlin.

They also may have never served as performance animatronics and were always a daycare attendant from the beginning.

Their appearance and night and day concept was potentially intended for the theater. But maybe during their production things were changed, the previous daycare attendant animatronic (Foxy) needed to be replace and their AI reprogrammed even before they were first turned on.

Maybe Moon ISN’T a glitch and was preprogrammed in like Sun from the beginning and they’re just telling their staff that he’s just a glitch or virus that’s been quarantined so no one looks too deeply into his source coding. Otherwise they would see he was not only programmed to fill the role of watching over sleeping children, but was also intended to be “corrupted” (locked in “Evil”TM mode) and used to abduct these same children.

Or maybe he IS a glitch and the result of Sun’s programing splitting into two AI. But not a bad glitch. Not from the beginning. And they just decided to take advantage of and run with this.

If Moon was never intended, why is he everywhere?

Why would FazFuck Entertainment promote him as much if they were really trying to bury and forget about him?

Why HAVEN’T they tried to erase him from nearly every location of the Pizzaplex like they have with Bonnie?

There are so many possibilities and explanations. And all can be canon just as much as the initial claim in the books.

It can be true. It can be a lie. Or it can be a half truth.

And that’s just about Moon. I didn’t even touch when the generators were really installed yet.

Anyway, I rambled on a lot XD

I hope this answered your question.

#fnaf security breach #five nights at freddy's security breach #five nights at freddy's #fnaf #fnaf sb #the daycare attendant #fnaf moon #fnaf sun #fnaf sun and moon #headcanons

[slamminslamminmcgill]

Super embarrassing but. I’d love to hear more on piss kink Jimmy. That man has Strong piss kink vibes and I am but a slut. I wouldn’t go as far as to request a full fic I’d just love to hear more thoughts on it from your magnificent brain. Love your fics btw :))))

hey anon rq how does it feel to be the smartest person on this website

i wrote some stuff here about him being on the receiving end but this is more dommy :3

warning: piss kink, homophobic/transphobic slurs, daddy kink

anatomical terms: (t-)dick

by FAR his most shameful kink. he's terrified to ask you about it because he doesn't want you to be completely grossed out by him.

though if you're grossed out just enough that you'll do it but you'll shame him for it? yeah he's in. call him a freak/pervert/weirdo/sicko and he'll get hard enough to cut diamonds.

when he brings it up he's so scared. he's like "hey so i have something i want to try with you and please don't judge me you can say no i promise i won't be mad just please don't hate me for this i-"

he's not entirely sure why he likes it? definitely the degradation factor and the physical release (and how warm it is 🥺). also something about being dirty and taboo but not too dirty that he can't stomach it literally. he rationalizes that pee is mostly water so if you hydrate it won't be so bad.

he says this but he doesn't hydrate whatsoever. he lives off coffee and hard liquor. his pee is always yellow and strong and salty.

he's nervous when asking you but once he gets you onboard his confidence SKYROCKETS and he gets mean 😌

loveslovesloves humiliation on both ends teehee so anything he says is just pouring salt in the wound

(while pissing in your mouth) “how’s it taste, faggot? you like that? you like drinking my piss? god, i bet you do, actually. fucking nasty. you’re sick, you know that?”

“drink up, whore. that’s all you’re here for. you’re only good to be my toilet.”

DUDE. TRANSPHOBIC PUBLIC BATHROOM HUMILIATION. WHAT FUCKING IF.

you’re using public stall and sitting down but before you can actually go jimmy barges in.

“what’re you doing in the men’s room, tranny?”

he makes you stand up and pulls your t-dick hard enough to aim it into the bowl 😵‍💫 and jerks the fuck out of you.

“what’s wrong, tranny? you wanna pee here like a man, huh? well, this is how real men piss. shh, shh, it’s okay, baby boy. let daddy help you.”

he does not help. instead he makes you piss all over yourself. your thighs are dripping wet, and you’re leaned back against him, practically sobbing from the pleasure and sheer relief.

“aw, baby boy, look at you! you made a mess of yourself!” he slaps your ass. “c’mon, pull your pants up. daddy’s taking you home.”

#piss kink #anon #ask #bcs #better call saul #better call saul x reader #better call saul smut #bcs x reader #better call saul imagine #better call saul headcanons #better call saul hcs #jimmy mcgill #jimmy mcgill x reader #jimmy mcgill smut #jimmy mcgill headcanons #jimmy mcgill imagine #jimmy mcgill hcs #saul goodman #saul goodman x reader #saul goodman smut #saul goodman headcanons #saul goodman imagine #saul goodman hcs #brba #breaking bad hcs #breaking bad x reader #breaking bad headcanons #breaking bad imagine #breaking bad smut #breaking bad

[thesoftboiledegg]

What up, libsharts. Since you all fell for my brilliant social experiment last year, I thought I’d come back to troll you for another round. You really thought that I was gay, huh? Well, you weren’t the only ones. I showed it to the bros in my Elon Musk Discord server, and they stupidly went “Wow, that was pretty gay” and I said “No it isn’t” and one guy said “You said that you’re attracted to Rick a bunch of times” and I said “No I didn’t” and another guy said “Dude, you said the exact same thing yesterday” and I said “No I didn’t” and he said “You literally showed up out of nowhere, said ‘im going to jack it to rick tonight lol’ and left” and I said “Haha, it was all a social experiment! I’m fucking with you! I’m a master manipulator like Rick! What’s gay about what I said? If somebody on Discord said ‘I want Rick Sanchez to ream me in the back room at Spencer’s’ and you thought ‘Wow, that sounds pretty gay,’ maybe YOU’RE the one who has dreams about Rick railing you in a blow-up inflatable pool while Bird Person lies facedown in a ditch!”

I beat them with cold, hard logic, just like Rick would. But one aspect of my genius experiment was true: I’m a dudebro sent here to infiltrate Tumblr. We do everything better than you, and to prove it, I wrote a fic that’s infinitely superior to anything you Tumblrinas could shit out. You think you’re the only ones who can come up with stories? Ha! You’re never going to beat me. You ass clowns have no idea how many times I’ve fantasized about Rick!

Anyway, here’s my one-shot that’s better than a thousand Rick Sanchez/Reader fics combined, and I would know, because I read all of them. And this is NOT AI-generated, by the way–no machine could compete with the brilliance pulsating in my brain stem. Get obliterated with literature, dumbfucks!

Your Majesty: Rick Sanchez/Elon Musk (PLATONIC!!)

Elon Musk gazed at the sky as a spaceship shimmered into view, glittering in the sunlight while it approached the SpaceX landing strip. Elon–or E, as his most respected admirers called him–was a ruggedly handsome man of over six feet tall with a chiseled jaw, godlike facial features, sizeable muscles and a full head of hair that one would love to run their hands through–if they were allowed to, of course. But few people had enjoyed this privilege. In both a literal and metaphorical sense, Elon Musk was truly untouchable.

A SpaceX rocket launched to the left of him, undoubtedly on another successful mission, but E’s eyes were fixed on the giant spaceship drifting to the ground with a barely audible whirr. The Tesla logo glinted on the front of the incredible ship, a mark of Elon’s brilliance. Steam hissed from the entrance as the side door opened and a lengthy shadow stretched across the ground.

“Greetings, Elon,” Rick Sanchez said as he approached. He was just as handsome as Musk, perhaps even more so. At nearly seven feet tall, most humans could only gaze up at him and marvel at his unfathomable genius, matched only by that of the engineer standing in front of him. He strode magnificently toward E as if he knew that he were God’s perfect creation, the scientist that would give Stephen Hawking envy diarrhea.

“Salutations, Rick,” E answered in kind, acknowledging the pleasure of being in his presence. “What do you have for me?”

“I have a concept that will revolutionize our lives and showcase our brilliance to the rest of the planet.” Rick paused. “Nay, the entire galaxy. Alien species will look up at us in wonder as they question how Earth could have produced not one, but two, of the universe’s perfect beings.”

Musk flashed him a smile brimming with boyish charm. “It seems, as I’ve suspected many times, that you and I are the main characters in this simulation, and everyone else–girls and normies in particular–are mere NPCs.”

“This is true, but I can’t take credit for all of it,” Rick admitted. “While most of this idea was mine, I confess that I couldn’t have developed this plan without Tesla’s impressive technology.”

“You are too humble,” E said with a nod of his head. “Of course, none of this would have been possible without your technology that turned Tesla into the pinnacle of human achievement, a stunning display of masculine brilliance and prowess that womenfolk could never accomplish because they’re dumb.”

“You are familiar with my Raising Gazorpazorp manifesto, I presume?”

“Of course, Rick. I have watched every moment of your life with intense fascination. Our Twitter interaction all those years ago was the highlight of my existence, moreso than the birth of every one of my children combined, and it compelled the author of this story to jerk off to it even though we’re both men.”

“He was imagining all the hot chicks that he sucked off in his fraternity, I’m sure.”

“Undoubtedly. Now, if you would, please lead me into the ship so that I can witness your latest intellectual conquest.”

“Follow me, Your Majesty,” Rick responded with a limp-wristed wave that was stunningly, incredibly heterosexual.

The door hissed shut behind them as E followed Rick into the ship. Since Rick had partnered with Tesla a year prior, his ship had become a sprawling technological wonder full of everything that the space traveler could possibly need. Only E could have done this, Rick thought to himself, as he gazed around the interior of the ship as if seeing it for the first time. Truly, being in the presence of his hero reminded him of his incredible fortune.

Rick’s ship, once small and held together with duct tape but an astonishing creation nonetheless, now housed five scientific laboratories stocked with alien technology that Rick and E had amassed on their many adventures together. His ship also possessed a gigantic library, a hologram room where he spoke with digital recreations of Earth’s greatest MALE scientists, a math classroom where he solved and invented equations, a Tesla think tank where shareholders held board meetings, a SpaceX rocket manufacturing plant, and a cafeteria that served exclusively reheated taquitos and Mountain Dew.

Elon felt the same way as Rick. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the scientist as they walked to one of the laboratories. Of course, this was done in a completely straight, masculine way. E thought that he would later have sex with lots of beautiful women that looked a little like Rick, but they weren’t Rick, because that would be gay.

“Here it is, my dear E,” Rick said, spreading out his arms in front of him like a Greek god.

A scale model of a glass dome stood on a pedestal with tiny figures moving inside to represent a community. As E peered into the dome, the glass reflected his breathtakingly handsome features.

“This is the community that we will build on Pluto,” Rick announced. “As you’ve undoubtedly guessed already due to your unfathomable genius, those crystals in the center release pheromones that will cause the most beautiful women in the universe to flock to us while the ugly ones stay at home and cry about it on Tumblr. These beauties will fawn over and make out with us while we chug Mountain Dew and watch video game livestreams where one guy just says ‘BANG!’ over and over. One of our wives will microwave taquitos on demand while another will periodically wipe the sweat off our gaming chairs. Truly, we will be the gods of our own universe.”

E smiled at this thought. He had colonized Mars years ago and had no less than 1,000 Martian wives with male relatives who had invested in E-Coin, his genuis cryptocurrency that only tech bros could understand, but he now saw an opportunity to enter the NFT market. Any male would be delighted to own a digital representation of one of these alien Helens of Troy. And of course, who but Rick should be at his side? Who else but the god-like scientist who deserved to have dominion over every living being in existence?

“If you have a minute, E–” Rick began, then stopped. “You do have a minute, don’t you? As the owner and CEO of X, PayPal, SpaceX, Tesla, OpenAI, Neuralink, xAI, Midjourney, OpenSea, Adult Swim, Dogecoin, McDonald’s, Fox News, The Joe Rogan Experience, Funko Pops, Discord, and Harmontown, I realize that your time is so precious that one second with you is worth ten kilos of fine Neptunian gold.”

Once more, Elon flashed his iconic boyish grin. “Rick, don’t you know me by now? If I weren’t a man of science who understood the natural disasters that it would cause, I would stop the world from spinning on its axis just to spend another minute in your presence.”

Rick responded with a flushed smile, then pressed a button on the side of the display. “Then allow me to demonstrate.”

When a set of steel doors slid open, a girl robot emerged from the storage space. I guess she was attractive for a girl. In her extended arms, she held a glass case piled high with shimmering jewels.

“This is a scale model of one of our Plutonian wives,” Rick said intelligently, lifting the case from her hands. “In preparation for our mission, I’ve amassed a fine collection of intergalactic space jewelry.”

Rick typed in a code to unlock the case: 42069. 420 and 69 were Rick’s favorite numbers, as well as Elon’s. The gemstones glinted in the light as the lid clicked open. Rick attached the earrings and kissed the robot’s ears, slid on the bracelets and kissed her wrists, and strung on the necklace and kissed her neck. He looked amazing in that jewelry.

“Well, Rick, this calls for quite the celebration,” E said cheerfully. “Should we celebrate with a bottle of Twitterian space wine?

“Of course,” Rick said with a wink. “What do you think I stashed in the wine cooler?”

Rick pressed a button on the wall, causing a drawer to slide out with a hiss and a cloud of steam. The steam dissipated to reveal a sparkling bottle of golden wine and two identical glasses with Rick and Elon’s names etched into the side. Rick handed Elon one of the glasses, the surface reflecting his Adonis-like visage.

“Let’s take this to the lounge, shall we?” Rick said. “I could use some quality time with my technological muse, the scientist whose mere existence transformed my life the second I laid eyes upon him.”

“Ah, but the feeling is mutual,” Elon confessed. “When I first saw you in that Tesla board meeting and realized that you had invested in our stock, I knew that I had reached the defining moment of my career, the pinnacle of achievement that made everything else seem like watching an orangutan pissing into a lake.”

“Your affections charm and dazzle me,” Rick responded. “I may go on adventures alone when you’re busy transforming X into history’s greatest social media empire, but I confess that my travels are incomplete without you by my side.”

“I will have to take a break from X to join you on the next mission,” E said with a nod. “After all, we have not yet had sex with all the hot babes in the universe. We’ve had sex with most of them, this is true, but I’m sure there are far-off corners of the galaxy that have yet to hear the legend of Rick and Elon: a hundred years, a hundred more, our friendship extending into eternity.”

A few minutes later, the two of them were reclining in a lounge furnished with plush velvet couches, Greek statues of famous scientists, and a bubbling hot tub. Rick and Elon had slept with many hot alien chicks in this lounge, but they didn’t really enjoy it even though they were both straight. One might say that they were super-straight. It was a special type of straight that only their genius minds could possess.

Elon and Musk clinked their glasses before they each took a drink. “While we’re here, should we engage in some meta commentary?” E said with a sly chuckle.

“Of course,” Rick said, straightening to look at the reader. “I would like to say that the author of this fic is an incredibly handsome, virile, and heterosexual man, and if I were gay and he were gay–which we’re not, of course–I would love to take my pants off and sit on his face while he recites mathematical theorems.”

“I concur,” E said with a tilt of his head. “I also find this author to be quite attractive, brilliant and god-like, and although I’m super-straight, I would be up for a threesome with you, him, and I in a truck stop bathroom while some other guys watch.”

“Truly, that would be the spectacle of a lifetime,” Rick said with a charming, boyish grin. “Of course, this is impossible because I’m straight as well as white and neurotypical, and whenever I said otherwise, I was in fact performing a social experiment on my audience.”

“I, too, have done such a thing,” Elon agreed. “And Birdrick is platonic, is it not?”

“Birdrick is indeed platonic. Anyone who thought that scene was gay needs to watch some gay porn and learn what ‘gay’ really means, which this author does on a regular basis.”

They nodded in agreement, then drank their glittering space wine as the sun set outside the ship, casting the inside of the lounge in a deep, romantic glow. Rick lit a set of Tesla candles powered by Teslectricity, a new form of electricity that Musk had patented. The lights shimmered and flickered as if the candles were about to explode any second.

Orange light shined on the surface of the water bubbling in the hot tub. “It’s growing warm in here,” Rick said, fanning himself with his strong yet elegant hand. “I think I need to remove a few layers. Excuse me, E, while I change into something other than my iconic lab coat.”

Rick disappeared into another room and returned a few minutes later, wearing only a bathrobe. Elon rubbed the back of his neck as he found himself sweating. Suddenly, the temperature seemed to have increased a hundred degrees.

“I believe that I will also remove a few layers,” E stated. “Excuse me for a moment.”

E disappeared into the same room, which had several robes and outfits in his size just in case he lost his clothes for some weird reason. The room also held outfits for other prominent male scientists, plus Dan Harmon. The room had no clothing for womenfolk because they’re gross and dumb.

When Elon returned, Rick sat on the edge of the hot tub, drawing circles in the surface of the water with his toe as he swirled the remainder of the wine in his glass. His eyes were lowered with an expression that one could almost consider lustful–his thoughts full of girlies, no doubt, even though they scarcely deserved a moment of his attention.

“I’m thinking about taking a dip in the hot tub,” Rick said. “Would you care to join me?”

“Of course,” E said, already removing his robe. “I desire nothing else in this moment.”

—

HAHA noobs, you thought you had it all figured out, didn’t you? You thought this was going to lead to some gay shit? Well, I’ll tell you what happens. Rick and Elon PLATONICALLY sit in the hot tub together. That’s all that they do. And they talk about all the babes that they’re going to make out with when Rick gets his crap on Pluto set up. Yeah, that’s right, libpukes: Rick likes GIRLS even though they’re stupid and dumb and don’t understand Rick and Morty! No one will ever understand Rick Sanchez like I do! Not Elon Musk, despite his unfathomable brilliance! Not Dan Harmon, despite his magnificent beard! No one but me, Steve White, the man of every scientist’s dreams!

Anyway, I just proved to you that the woke crowd took over the writers’ room and made Rick something he’s not. This story is more accurate and in character than every episode from seasons 5-7 put into a blender, spun around and spewed onto a plate like a horse vomit smoothie. Rick was once a manly, masculine man–a man’s man, you might say–before they turned him into a twink like they’re challenging the audience to jerk off to him.

I told the guys in my Elon Musk server “Wow, Rick and Morty has been a real jerkoff machine lately, huh?” and they said “No? Not really?” and I said “What show are you watching? Rick and Morty has been a total jerkoff machine” and one guy said “Yeah, I agree with you, I jack it to Rick on the regular” and I said “Haha, I was just fucking with you guys! It was another social experiment! I’m a master manipulator! I’m the real-life Rick! What’s gay about what I said? While you queers jack it to Rick in a gay way, I’m going to jack off to Rick to PROVE TO MYSELF that I’m STRAIGHT!!!”

I got banned from the server for a week, and I had so much time on my hands that I decided I’d pop back in and give Tumblr another textual ass-crushing. The server’s going to be so proud of me when I tell them what I did. Elon would be proud. Dan Harmony-to-my-ears would be proud. And Rick would DEFINITELY be proud. If my Rick Sanchez body pillow were animated, he’d look directly into my eyes and whisper to me as tears of joy stream down my face.

Oh my God, forget it. Why am I still wasting my time with you idiots? You have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty.

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #elon musk #rick sanchez/elon musk #fanfiction #fan fiction #tesla #teslamotors #teslacars #dan harmon #april fools

[aadmelioraa]

PLEASE tell me the context of the line, "If this fails and there is no escape for you, please tell me you'll find a man you trust to kill you softly." that is THE most intense line of dialogue i've ever ready holy shit i need to watch this show??

AHHHHHHHHH Beth it is literally SO intense, like…ok, so…Uhtred, the main character and guy who says that line, is at this point in a relationship with Aethelflaed, the woman in the gifset. I very decidedly do not ship them together, I resent how often her character is sidelined to prop him up, among other things…the historical Aethelflaed is an incredibly impressive figure, but a lot of her achievements are given to the fictional Uhtred in the show…I will stop there, just…I really really do not ship them for a variety of reasons and that is a big one lol.

I do, however, ship Aethelflaed with the bowlcut dude, aka Aldhelm, our favorite morally flexible Mercian who at this point is ride-or-die for Aethelflaed. Their storyline makes me feral, which you know at this point given my unhinged posts. But like…Aldhelm is canonically in love with her and has been for a while (he confesses it during the s3 finale while bleeding out in Aethelflaed's room, having been stabbed by her abusive and nefarious husband for siding with Aethelflaed's leadership tactics over his, after he'd spent many years being loyal to the husband, scheming on his behalf, etc).

It's a GREAT scene, his s3 arc is just him slowly shifting to her side entirely and it is so FUN, the actor (James Northcote) is excellent and provides so much depth to what, in s2, had been a fairly straightforward characterization (though still very fun, I loved him in s2 also). Anyway, Aethelflaed never reciprocates Aldhelm's affections (which I personally think is a great writing choice) BUT they are like…functionally a team, very much operating as partners, he is supportive of her and she can rely on him fully in her function as a leader but also in a personal capacity. 

So the thing with that find a man to kill you softly moment: they're about to fight in a huge battle with the odds stacked against them and there is a risk that Aethelflaed, as Lady of Mercia, might be taken as a political prisoner and be tortured, used as collateral, etc. Uhtred, her love interest, tells her to be sure she won't be taken alive, and then Aethelflaed reveals SHE ALREADY PICKED SOMEONE TO KILL HER SOFTLY and that THAT MAN IS ALDHELM because OF COURSE IT IS!! BUT THE ACTUAL THING IS when it comes down to it…ALDHELM CAN'T KILL HER. HE HAS A KNIFE TO HER THROAT AND THEY'RE SURROUNDED AND SHE'S LOST HER SWORD AND HE'S WAITING TIL THE LAST SECOND but HE CAN'T KILL HER!! LOOK AT HIS FUCKING FACE WHEN HE REALIZES IT!!

They're only saved by the last minute archery intervention from her brother, their ally, who shows up with his army in the nick of time. This is a mere season and a half (though this does include significant time jumps, tbf) after Aldhelm suggested to Aethelflaed's husband that he HAVE HER ASSASSINATED. And a season after ALDHELM WAS SENT TO BE THE ONE TO ASSASSINATE HER! He has a knife to her throat there too, though he doesn't intend to actually kill her, he's just a lowkey dramatic bitch. There is so much fucking knife kink in their storyline, I swear to GOD. 

Also, back to the original question (sorry)…the writers made the choice to have Aethelflaed be in a battle couple with Aldhelm during this ep, not Uhtred (her canonical love interest), and it FUCKS. The whole sequence is just FLAWLESS. I have my issues with that season (season 4 out of 5 total) as it relates to her storyline, but the ship moments are so good. I can't recommend watching the show on the basis that it's good but I can recommend watching it on the basis that those two have burrowed into my brain and live there permanently. I have never written so much fic for a ship as I have for those two, they make me insane, I love them. The show is very much not about either of them (they both appear in s2, also), but they have a really satisfying joint arc for the most part. It's the perfect recipe for shipfic, for me: I am dissatisfied with enough that I have plenty of canon-based ideas, and that pairing has an extremely compelling relationship that's never consummated. Plus it hits all of my kinks: loyal advisor/queen, enemies to lovers, pining, angst, repression, and there is sooo much fic potential for secret relationships, and of course my beloved sexy paperwork feat competency kink as they tackle administrative duties together.

Thank you for letting me yell at you about them, I hope this answers your question hahaha.

#kat replies #bettsfic #they give me so much life for real #aethelflaed x aldhelm #the last kingdom #long post #[incoherent screaming] #anti uhtred #anti aethelflaed x uhtred

[sparxwrites]

Hello, I'm Nyde from Kofi :D my fic prompt/ request is for RenDoc & "trust". Thank you!!

want a lil fic like this one? you can get one here!

“Easy now,” says Doc. The casual tone of his voice is given lie by how tense his flesh-and-blood shoulder is, by the creases at the corner of his eyes. To anyone else, he might look relaxed, but Ren knows him better. “That is delicate, in that bit. If you make those wires touch, we will be in an even worse situation than we are now.”

Given Doc currently has a fully non-functional arm that’s sending feedback loops of pain up into his neck and down his spine every several hundred ticks or so, that’s a pretty big claim. Hard to see how the situation could get any worse than that, in Ren’s opinion.

Nevertheless he looks up, briefly, from his task. “Don’t worry, dude,” he says, and grins until he sees Doc’s shoulder drop, a little. “I’m being careful. These big ol’ paws of mine can do that, sometimes, you know.”

He says it as though he is not currently shitting a brick. Or several bricks, as the case may be. This is Doc’s arm, under his fingers. Doc’s arm. His arm, that he hardly lets anyone touch even with the casing on. And Ren’s here with exposed wires and circuitry and motors at his fingertips, like it’s nothing.

It’s a gratifying display of trust, but, also– aforementioned shitting of bricks. Just a little.

“What happens if the wires touch?” he asks, to try and distract himself. He’s fine. He’s got this! Doc’s given him clear instructions, he knows exactly what he’s doing. All he has to do is do as he’s told, and not fuck it up. Easy. Easy.

“Oh, well, you know,” says Doc, with a grim sort of lopsided smile. He’s holding his mechanical arm very, very still, Ren suddenly notices. “The whole thing short-circuits, and it electrocutes me, and then–” He makes a noise like an explosion, gestures like an explosion, next to the metal plate side of his head. “Very messy, I would imagine.”

My head explodes, Ren’s brain translates, helpfully, and provides him a mental image of exactly what that might look like. Of exactly what he might accidentally do, if he’s not very, very careful.

For all his many virtues, Ren is not, per se, known for his carefulness or hand-eye coordination.

He recoils, with a yelp, his hands leaving Doc’s arm entirely on reflex. “Dude!” he cries, horrified. “What the hell! Why would you– what do you– I– you– what? Why would you let me do, you know, fancy redstone stuff on something that might kill you! I’m– I’m not even a redstoner, dude, I– why– …why me?”

The stress at the corners of Doc’s eyes softens, all at once. Which is ironic, because Ren’s own stress has just skyrocketed. He thinks his heart might be about to beat its way free of his chest out of sheer, abject terror.

“I trust you,” Doc  says, simply. Like it’s the easiest, most obvious thing in the world. “You’re my best friend, man. If I’m not gonna let you do this, then– who?”

“Tango?” suggests Ren, a little helplessly. “Mumbo? Hell– Xisuma? Cub? Literally anyone on this server that’s better at machines and redstone and stuff than– than me.”

“Well, none of those people are my best friend, now, are they?” Doc shrugs his flesh shoulder, keeps the other one very carefully still. “So why would I choose them, over you? Hmm?”

Ren feels his cheeks heat up, flushed pink against his will.

“Love you too, dude,” he mumbles, and then realises that’s not what Doc said at all, and then decides. Fuck it. It can stand. If you can’t tell a homie you love him whilst elbow – slight exaggeration – deep in his forearm, then when can you? Never, that’s when.

When he looks up, Doc’s grinning at him, something exasperated and fond and– something else Ren isn’t going to put a name to, not right now, in his eyes.

“Right,” he says, to stop himself thinking too hard about that. If he’s not careful, he’ll blush all the way down to his chest, and if that happens then Doc will never let him forget. “Okay, dude. Well. If you’re sure…” He swallows, hard, and sets his hands back on Doc’s arm. “Right. Remind me what I’m supposed to be doing?”“With pleasure,” says Doc, easily, and – unbelievably – sounds like he truly means it.

#rendoc #hermitshipping #hermitfic #nydescynt #ask #hermits crafting #fic #this was a fun one <3 we've not got enough rendoc in the world..................... #commish

[the-casbah-way]

i would sell my soul to get some of that dtl jedtavius domesticity. you can’t just tease me like this my dude -rivstyx

i genuinely do think i have an entire fic's worth of domestic lore in my head but here's just some of the things i think about a lot

jed making breakfast every morning and octavius insisting he doesn't want any because he's not a breakfast person, then ending up eating it all anyway and going 'jed :( im still hungry :(' and jed giving him half of his own breakfast because he deliberately made more than he can eat so he could give the extra to octavius

octavius being the sleepiest bastard on earth and constantly complaining about how tired he is, only to voluntarily wake up super early in the morning to drive jed to work whenever jed is too overstimulated to take the bus

we all know that jed sings everywhere he goes and octavius loves to listen but what about when octavius sings to himself really badly when he's not thinking about it and doesn't realise jed is paying attention. and jed just staring with literal heart eyes and octavius getting embarrassed when he notices

THEM SHARING EACH OTHER'S CLOTHES. I THINK ABOUT IT CONSTANTLY

jed leaving octavius little scraps of paper around the house with poems and lyrics he wrote about him and octavius having to try SO hard not to smile like a fucking idiot (especially when jed slips one into his brief case and he finds it at work and dexter is like 'why are you blushing' and octavius is like 'shut the fuck up')

octavius taking extra work home and stressing out about it and falling asleep on his keyboard with like five cups of coffee until jed carries him to bed and secretly goes back to correct any errors octavius made with the numbers because he was too tired to concentrate

them ranting CONSTANTLY about people they hate from work. and then when they go to work the next day jed will catch octavius' eye from across the room and do a terrible impression of said coworker and octavius has to try his best not to laugh

jed helping octavius shave because he's way less clumsy with it and saying shit like 'you have beautiful eyes' when they're right up close to each other and octavius telling him to shut up as if he's not flustered by it

jed reminding octavius to take his meds every morning, handing each pill to him one by one and going "...this one for your shitty kness...and this one for your migraines...' then handing him his antidepressant saying 'and this one for your beautiful brain' and giving him a little kiss on the forehead

octavius buying jed literally anything he ever needs without jed having to ask and telling jed that he's allowed to pay him back one day if it makes him more comfortable accepting the money

jed moving into octavius' house and bringing his dog with him. octavius having Very Mixed Feelings about it because he doesn't like dogs but then months later jed finds octavius asleep on the couch with his dog curled up beside him

just their blended friend group with al, ahk, tilly, larry and sacajawea and all the cute nights in and chaotic nights out they probably get up to (also jed and ahk teaming up to bully octavius constantly and al and tilly becoming the world's most unlikely besties)

i have so many more but i already made this way too long oops anyway im unwell about this au

#thank you sm for this ask this was fun #down then left

[gender-trash]

what is a popular thing u dislike

dude i am so fucking bad at liking popular things. all throughout my childhood there was not a single popular trend i did not either miss entirely or vaguely attempt to glom onto 2-3 years late after everyone else had lost interest. i literally had to give myself a crash course in disney princess movies in college because i kept going to karaoke nights that devolved into disney sing-alongs because "everyone knows them" except i DIDN'T. my taste in everything hews very obscure not because i'm trying to be a hipster but because if i'm given a choice between several options i will inevitably get extremely attached to the unpopular thing nobody likes, Every Single Time.

simultaneously this is a hard question to answer because i usually don't actively DISLIKE popular stuff? like, im not going to watch any more marvel movies, but im still chewing on a half dozen stucky fics from 2014 like theyre my comfort stuffed animals.

the main exception is popular music. sometimes pop songs have a good, catchy hook, but it gets brought back so many times like cud from a ruminant's stomach that i start hating it; sometimes they don't even have THAT going for them. sometimes they're insufferably heterosexual. sometimes they're autotuned to shit. sometimes they're just the most absolutely bland and generic Extruded Song Product i have ever fucking heard? many of them have several of these egregious flaws simultaneously. i think part of my problem is that i am a Hater and part of my problem is that my auditory processing renders me more or less unable to understand song lyrics, but i have studied too much music and have a very well-developed Melody Predictor brain lobe, and so if the song has a really basic melody and makes it up with interesting lyrics, well. that doesn't damn well work on me, does it.

and it's fucking inescapable! you can't go to Any Location, except, like, the public library (hallowed be its name), without being subjected to whatever anodyne top 40 hits the grocery store manager or whomstever thought would be the least offensive possible background music to encourage bourgeois white Californians with mildly hippie sensibilities to purchase goat cheese and mini sourdough toasts. often it's not even recent hits it's, like, hits from 2009 that i was already tired of in 2009. and grocery stores already give me enough Processing Overload because i have to make sure i'm Not In The Way and the lights are very bright and there is a lot of brightly colored packaging and often BEEPING. WHY IS THERE BEEPING. (it's possible this colors my perception of Songs You Might Hear In The Grocery Store, tbh.)

anyway i've been known to like some popular music, sometimes (i listen to a lot of music and i try not to write off any genre out-of-hand), but here is a selection of songs that are like sleeper agent triggers for me to hulk out in the middle of whole foods:

and, in the interests of balance, here are some recentish pop songs i do like:

(specifying "recentish" because otherwise i will just fill the list with Queen but we already know Queen kicks ass)

#SORRY COMBAT-EPISTEMOLOGIST #sorry also what is the song that starts with offkey whistling i hate that one SO MUCH #AT LEAST WHISTLE IN TUNE. PLEASE. FOR ME. #my brain putting all of its auditory processing stat points into perfect pitch and ability to identify harmonies/chords: :) #the trashcan speaks #music tag

[blade-that-was-broken]

I just read a fic where JD secretly had like an adult child floating around who was like 20 years old and no longer lives with him they have a good relationship tho. who he forgot to mention to his brothers and this idea that JD is old enough to have a full grown child that he had in his early 20s lives rent free in my brain and is now a HC that carry in my soul.

Jd just kinda gives off the vibes of the celebrity whose been divorced a few times but has like an okay relationship with his ex’s and pays his child support and any kids he has on fancy summer trips where they see the world and camp.

Basically JD gives off fun irresponsible dad vibes the kind of guy who will step up if he has too but is really fucking tired of being the guy who is responsible and steps up so if he’s got an acceptable coparent that is willing to do the hard stuff he more than happy to just be the guy that does the fun stuff.

See that's kind of funny. I know a lot of people see John Dory as this guy with a lot of exes but I see him almost the entire opposite.

John Dory seems like the literal perpetual camper/hiker. The dude who just kind of hangs around, not really interested in romantic relationships - rather liking to go off exploring, hiking or sitting around a campfire. Or seeing some of the world's wonders.

My dad has this friend who has never been married, has no interest in being married etc. but has strong connections with his family. He does work and he likes to camp and he likes to just chill. He loves his family more than anything and would do anything for them. And idk, I could kind of see John in that.

Canon JD thought his brothers were literally dead (at the very least, Branch) but when he got a note from Floyd (even as a trap) he dropped absolutely everything and high tailed it to try and rescue him. That gives me so many feelings cause that whole trip he must have been so anxious and worried and probably got ZERO sleep.

But he does seem, sometimes, that he'd be the guy who is tired of being responsible. The dude was parentified at who even knows at what age and canon JD isn't wrong - four brothers is A LOT of responsibility.

I think he'd be great at doing certain "dad" things when he's not actually the dad and he's just showing kids stuff. Like, how to set up a campfire or a tent. Or what to look for when hiking or how to defend yourself against critters. He'd go with you to a theme park but get sick on the rides that spin too fast and he might not understand certain things when it comes to other's hobbies or interests but he's kind of like vibing there because he just wants to be there.

I think if JD ever was in a romantic relationship, he'd be hesitant on the concept of children, knowing how his childhood was and what happened there. Personally, I have a headcanon and thoughts about a large population of trolls being entirely fufilled in life by platonic bonds rather than humans, who generally have more of a desire for romantic connections. It's a whole thing but that's just me.

#ask

[minhosimthings]

Skz as Mythical creatures

Bang Chan - Werewolf. There's nothing to question here about this. Man literally gives so much wolf vibes that writers on Tumblr use wolf memes for his smaus. But also werewolves have been used throughout history to provide a sense of wisdom combined with misinterpretation. Wisdom, in the form of living and going through so much in their moon drunk lives. And like is that not Chan?

Lee Minho: A warlock. Warlocks are basically wizards who get their magic from evil sources. They conjure magic called 'blue magic' aka evil magic from shady sources and repay that debt with their own blood. They have been known to help people from time to time but only the people who need it the most, like a raped woman who no one believes. Oh also they are known to have cats as their companions! And they live very secluded lives usually in forests and grow mushrooms. My brain is dying thinking about evil warlock Minho cause my standards are so fucked up

Seo Changbin: A dragon. Listen LISTEN TO ME. I chose a dragon for Changbin, because they have many myths of false appearance. When I first got into skz, I really though our Binnie was the most serious person in this group. But then I saw how those hips moved, and I was like 'oh so he's Barbie and Shakira combined and put into one man'. Dragons are known as fierce creatures who protect the gold that they hoard and destroy villages, but how much of that is true? Mostly they do it to protect themselves and the gold which they have rightfully earned. Also they are extremely loyal and friendly once you understand them and don't harm their loved ones (yes even dragons have loved ones)

Hwang Hyunjin: Selkie. Selkies are basically mermaids, who originate from Scotish folk tales (trust me they are VERY popular here). They turn into seals in water and turn back into human if daylight or moonlight touches them, Aka if they come on land. They are very dual creatures, being pretty and kind to most humans, especially women, but they can also be the most savage beasts when it comes to men who have corrupted for their own pleasure. Their siren songs are very captivating and they are known to make art out of conch shells.

Han Jisung: A shapeshifter. Han Jisung is truly a puzzle. Like man could be intense babygirling one moment and then two seconds later literally kill all of us with wavy hair, sweaty face and those fingers playing the guitar finger kink go brr. Jisung is more fitting to the shapeshifter brand when you realise that the humans who used to be good at doing everything and not crack under intense pressure were awarded this shapeshifting power by the Gods. So yeah our fourth gen ace would definetly be a shapeshifter.

Lee Felix: A fairy. Need I explain anything? Need I even write an entire essay about this? (Already wrote it but fine). He would definitely be a healing fairy. Like he would whip up medicines and hide them in his delicious brownies to trick unwilling children into taking them (MY HEART IS TOO WEAK FOR FELIX HANDING OUT BROWNIES). He would def live in the woods in like a tiny cottage, which is decorated with creepers and vines and soft moss, where he rests his pretty wings, excuse me I need to write something on this.

Kim Seungmin: A nymph. Nymphs are actually more powerful than they are portrayed nowadays. Many of them were sons and daughters of river or tree Gods and they used to possess the quality of being able to fic someone in a trance with their voices. LIKE HELLO? MR KIM SEUNGMIN WITH THAT GOLDEN VOICE? Also they were known to be mischievous, always teasing pixies and fairies and taunting beings older than them. (I am not making this up yet legit used to taunt old trees for being so old and wise because nymphs never used to age or they would age VERY slowly)

Yang Jeongin: A vampire. Alexa play Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo please. I mean dude's literally immortal I'm telling you. He looks LIKE THE SAME PERSON EVEN WHEN HE WAS A CHILD LIKE HOW? If y'all look at me, I look like a completely different person from when I was a kid. And also there's something about our baby bread that just screams vampire vibes. Like he would totally live in a castle all alone, drinking blood and having foxes as pets.

#skz #stray kids #skz headcanons #stray kids headcanons #Bang chan #lee know #changbin #hyunjin #han #felix #Seungmin #i.n #Bang Christopher Chan #lee minho #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix yongbok #kim Seungmin #yang jeongin #mythology #mythological creatures #i was bored so here ya go #my oneshots in the notes app are looking at me VERY angrily #I'LL WRITE THEM LATER OK? #bye bye now

[haejjoon]

So I started following you because you wrote P5 stuff (your AU roleswap is SO FREAKING GOOD GODDAMN) but recently I've been getting into Honkai fics and found 'it's all too strange and strong' and just???? Your writing is literally just so fucking incredible and fluid and perfectly in character?? I'm gonna be leaving a comment on the fic once I have the full brain power for it but i finished it and was like 'wtf this was so good who did this' and scrolled up to your name and was like 'hey I know this dude!!' So, uh, found you twice entirely on accident and apparently no matter the fandom your writing fucking SLAPS. The comment I'm leaving is gonna be ridiculously long because I swear half of your sentences were fucking fire and legit had me kicking my legs with joy when i read them. I actually lost where I was going with this, I'm just so delighted that my foray into a new fandom had me find a writer whose writing i admired already in it. You're incredible and I can't wait to read more of your work!!

oh my god??? hello??? this was so sweet what the heck oml TT

i was so surprised at how many people ended up liking it's all so strange and strong... i think i wrote the entirety of it in like.. three four days and just posted. i can definitely see the flaws in it whenever i reread so i'm surprised so many people enjoy it so much TT thank you so much though i really really appreciate it... like words can't even describe... and i Write....

i've been meaning to write for hsr more as well!! i have a jing yuan character study rotting in The Archives that i want to finish at some point... i might post a wip of it if people wanna see eheh <3

i look forward to your comment on the fic very very much and i hope you have a lovely day!

#asks

[lyntergalactic]

lyn reads triple zero - finale

by which i mean i finished it last night and i have Thoughts

first off, it was a decently enjoyable book when i managed to turn off my brain. solid 3 stars. there's a lot of good here that i actually really liked, it's just... unfortunately balanced out by a lot of bad that made me want to throw my phone across the room.

so here we go. thoughts, in no particular order:

1.) i genuinely love the characters. even ones like kal who i hate as much as i love. i can see why people who don't do more than a surface reading like him. personally, i love how crunchy a character he is and how all his many flaws make him this unintentionally complex character. i just want to pick his brain apart.

i could ramble on about everyone but it's a lot of "these feelings i already had about these characters have been reinforced like crazy" which basically means i'm fascinated by all of them, want to get all of them therapy, and also want to write all the fic where they get to have healthier relationships lol

2.) there's a lot of yelling in tcw side of fandom about how the clones should get chances to act like the dumb college age kids they are, and they get to in this book!! i think some of my favorite moments were when the boys were egging each other on and giving each other shit. especially that fi and sev bit with the ladder, at least until sev hurts himself. like how fucking dumb is that but also how fucking typical of 20-ish year olds?

3.) fi is gay. fi is so gaaaaay. there are so many little points in his narration where it's like "ah, yes. he is absolutely attracted to [X] person" but beyond that, his whole little subplot about feeling like something in his life is missing? wanting a normal life and a girlfriend, etc? it's juxtaposed against etain and darman so much that it comes across like fi is in love with darman and just doesn't realize.

yes, i have a new ship. yes, i'm going to write horribly angsty fic for it. why do you ask?

4.) etain and darman are cute when KT isn't pushing her weird ass heteronormative agenda. though my aroace ass literally yelled at my phone "YOU'VE KNOWN HIM FOR A CUMULATIVE WEEK AND CHANGE, YOU DON'T LOVE HIM YET" when they had their first lil heart to heart and slept together that first time. but, again, they're young 20-somethings who might die at any time, i can forgive them that.

shit, i can even forgive etain's whole pregnancy thing--to a point--because she's a dumb kid who is going through a crisis of faith. (more on that specifically in a sec) but jfc kal's reaction to it all was--idefk. he's absolutely right to be furious with etain. what she did was stupid in the first place, not well thought through, and she's putting a hell of a lot at risk by going through with it.

but everything else about his reaction was just--dude. what the actual fuck. and 60% of that is his clinging to his bizarre conservative mando ideals while 40% is his utter disdain for the jedi and i just--UUUUGH.

5.) every time the jedi came up in narration. every. fucking. time. i wanted to scream. i know KT has terrible opinions on them. i've read most of the other books!! but oh my god it was especially bad.

do i think it would be interesting for etain and bardan to have crises of faith because of the war? absolutely. in fact, it even makes sense that they would!! but the way KT goes about it is just fucking baffling.

which is really highlighted by that one conversation etain has with ordo where he says "nah, you've got a worse life than i do because i was adopted but you were given away to strangers by your parents" and i'm just

THE FUCK DO YOU THINK HAPPENS TO NON-JEDI KIDS WHEN THEY GET ADOPTED, ORDO???? THEY'RE GIVEN AWAY TO STRANGERS BY THEIR PARENT(S).

there is just. so much. so much about the jedi that's so wrong and that if it was written rightly should've fucking changed entire character interactions and plot and it infuriates me.

6.) everything about the mission is just. plot holes all over. if i take it at surface value and treat it like a bad action movie that's just here for entertainment i'm fine, but the second i stop to actually think about how this whole mission is happening i'm just--that's not how this works. that's not how any of this works. how are you all not dead???

but, you know. whatever. i can deal with it. there were highly entertaining moments. i literally cackled out loud when fi told kal that he and sev planted explosives in the one dude's car and kal was like "... the car i was in?? FI." and i'm real intrigued by bardan as like... the commandos' Q figure. it's highly entertaining.

7.) i have A Lot of Opinions about the weird ass brand of masculinity KT's characters subscribe to. but one thing i appreciate is that her male characters cry and aren't thought of as less for it. it's one bastion of good in a sea of blegh.

8.) i mostly stopped capping bits as i got sucked in but i did nab this bit which made me laugh and is a good bit to end on. (i forgot what my other points were gonna be; work distracted me lkajsdf)

fi as a musical fan is my new favorite headcanon. i don't care if grease doesn't actually exist in the gffa.

also i need a crossover with mass effect where he and garrus exchange sniping playlists.

#lyn reads repcomm

[redflagsandbanners]

hii so just wanted to let u know im rereading now the halftime air was sweet perfume on ao3 rn and i was planning on finishing it before coming here to bathe you in praises about it bc honestly i cannot go more than a couple of days without remembering some scene of phrase from it even after almost a year of having read it for the first time? i swear even as i write my own stuff sometimes i think about your fics and how you shape the sensations of the scenes using the temperature and the light, to convey the feeling of the scene, the memories, everything man. so i just couldnt wait to come yell at u so yeah youre writing is just /that/ amazing fr dude

also i could not get that image of the fruity four plus will and mike just staring at the vine in chapter 11 so i drew it (im shit at drawing but the scene just begged to be drawn i swear) but i cant show it on anon (which is prob for the best lol) but yeah your fic is amazing (+ your other fics too i mean (that kinda music just soothes the soul) I reminisce about the days of old is just SUCH A GOOD ONE SHOT) so yeah thanks for existing hope life treats you well and just know u have a fan somewhere in this lovely green earth who is absolutely obssesed w the way u write

(also im so curious about how the fic ends. im not asking for more chapters bc i know how it can be sometimes w writing but like, if you have any notes or ideas of where the fic was going to go in the following chapters or anything i would love to hear about it if u wanna talk about it) (also sorry for the long message)

I'm losing it what do you mean you drew it I'm literally dropping on a knee and giving you my eternal devotion. Letting you know the fic is not forgotten as my brain likes to taunt me about it and I DO have an entire fucking plan for it up until the battle. The ending? No idea. Do they win, do they lose, I honestly don't know. This fic has a habit of doing whatever it wants. The only thing missing is motivation but messages like this jesus christ do they help. Have a wonderful day as you just made mine. Hope Ronance praises us with some content soon <3

#still losing it #send me the drawing #please? 👉👈🥺 #i want to put it on a wall #my wallet #a billboard #you're so sweet i want to bite something #ronance fic #send me the drawingg #ahhhh #yelling