#that feels like a breakup. if feels like were watching eddies heart break in real time yk?

[lover-of-mine]

Fought 'til you tethered me, swept under surfaces, never enough of it...

#911 #buddie #911edit #buddieedit #911 on fox #911 fox #911 abc #evanbuckleyedit #eddiediazedit #my edit #otp: you don't need to pretend with me #usercam #at this point i should have a cemetery tag lol #flashing tw #i need a gracie tag dont I? #die on their watch. #so i was thinking earlier and if youve been around here any length of time you know i think about that cemetery scene a lot #because narratively its very interesting scene because i changes the tone of their relationship in comparison to the rest of the show reall #and its a fascinating choice. even the whole point that of the conversation happening at a cemetery where theyre visiting someone who didn' #but i have a tendency to look at that scene from eddies eyes #because when you look at it along with all of eddies reactions surrounding bucks death and the reactions eddie was having to bucks words #that feels like a breakup. if feels like were watching eddies heart break in real time yk? #BUT buck is very purposeful in this scene too. he's basically daring eddie to say something but eddie just thinks that he needs to agree #and if you look at it that way and think about it as buck asking for a reaction you can argue buck feels rejected here too #even tho eddie thinks hes being supportive #they are saying things and they are being misinterpreted. both of them leave that talk with different views of what happened #and thats VERY interesting with how strongly the show pushed buck eddie and chris as a family unity in the episodes before #and well i dont really know how the show plans to recover from that. if they plan on doing it at all. but like #that was a breakup. but if its a breakup where both of them think they got broken up with. how do you come back? #eddie diaz

[ashwhowrites]

Happy holidays! We are officially into Christmas season (in my book) so why not throw out some soul crushing angst for the happy season? I'm obsessed with this EP and this heartbreaking song. This is everything I imagine every time I hear it so I hope you like it <3 Merry Ashmas ;)

Y/N can't help but feel blue as she watches Eddie fall in love

Cindy Lou Who

I saw you laughing in one of his pictures But you'll be the one with his ring on your finger There's red and green everywhere But l'm so blue

Y/N scrolled through her phone, smiling at all the holiday pictures of her friends. Nancy and Jonathan with their dogs. El and Hopper in matching Santa hats. Robin, Steve, and Dustin are in ugly Christmas sweaters.

She sat at her mother's kitchen table, her cousins running around the table. She couldn't help but feel sad during the Christmas season. This time last year she was at Eddie's kissing under the mistletoe, opening gifts, and decorating Wayne's tree.

Y/N felt her stomach drop to the floor when she came across a new photo Eddie posted with a girl. She looked gorgeous. Her blonde hair curled to perfection. Her body was covered in a brown sweater, a black skirt to her knees, and black tights covered her long legs. The smile on her face was bright and huge. It was real, she was laughing. Her hands were near her mouth as she giggled. But her eyes weren't on the camera, they were on Eddie.

He wasn't dressed too fancy, his jeans and leather jacket were just the same. He was smiling back at her, she wondered who took the picture. Who caught them in the moment and captured them forever to torture Y/N for the rest of her life.

Y/N clicked off her phone, searching to distract herself with the green and red decorations. But she couldn't help but feel so blue.

Maybe he met you somewhere in the desert While he was soul-searching, he found someone better Guess you make him happy like I couldn't do

More questions filled her head. When did they meet? Was it right after the breakup?

She wished Eddie and her ended better...or didn't end at all. But it ended in a screaming match and him slamming the door. When she went to his house to get him back, he was already gone.

Maybe while he was running away from her, he ran right into the beautiful girl's arms. She probably picked up the broken pieces Y/N made of Eddie's heart. Put the parts back together with her perfect hands.

Y/N couldn't pretend that he didn't look happy. It pained her to see how happy he was without her. She used to love seeing his smile, but now it felt like a punishment.

With your hair so long, lips so red Maybe we met once I forget Scrolling five years back, I'm obsessed Breaking my heart 'Tis the season I guess

Y/N knew she shouldn't, but she went back on her phone. She clicked on the photo to see the tag of the girl's name. The name popped up in white font, just one click away to send her through a spiral.

Click

She sucked in a harsh breath, the beautiful blonde's feed was full of Eddie. Y/N almost felt like she met this girl with how much she viewed her life through these small posts. Y/N scrolled and scrolled, five years back. She was obsessed with seeing who this girl was. She was always surrounded by friends and family. She enjoyed music, a point for Eddie there. She was a cheerleader, popular, and the sweetheart of the school. Of course, Eddie fell in love with her. Even before Eddie, the girl was happy and bright. Maybe she brought that into Eddie's life.

As Y/N scrolled back up, she took in the girl's name, Chrissy.

Chrissy posted a new photo, just a second ago of her red lips pressed against Eddie's under the mistletoe. The same mistletoe Y/N hung up three years in a row. Y/N tried to hold back the tears as she looked over the photo and the caption below.

Chrissy: Tis the season with my love

If you're waking up now in his old bed At his family's house, know that you're just Breaking my heart 'Tis the season I guess

Y/N tossed and turned all night. The image playing in her head, creating a story of how the night and morning would go.

Chrissy would wake up in Wayne's trailer, groaning at the harshness of Eddie's childhood bed. Y/N had so many memories in that small trailer, did Wayne and Eddie ever think of her?

Her heart shattered thinking of Chrissy in her spot. She wondered if Dustin met her, did Dustin love Chrissy as much as he used to love her? Does Eddie let him crash their dates like Y/N did?

Someone new was in Eddie's family house. Someone new was mixing Wayne's coffee, putting the star at the top of the tree, and kissing Eddie in the snow.

Y/N wanted to say how she felt, but it was no use. Eddie moved on and he was in love. Y/N wasn't able to make him happy like Chrissy does.

It was time Y/N just let him go.

~~~

Eddie moaned as his phone beeped, he blinked and snatched it from his nightstand. Chrissy fast asleep on his chest, he shifted lightly to turn on the phone.

He felt a weird feeling in his stomach when he saw it was a text from his ex-girlfriend. He was nervous to open the message but he needed to know what she said. He opened the text, his eyes glued to the words that left an ache in his heart.

" Breaking my heart, 'Tis the season I guess "

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergentreblogs @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37

#Spotify #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie stranger things #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson angst x reader #ashwhowrites #ashmas #eddie munson angst x female reader #eddie munson Christmas fic #eddie munson x chrissy cunningham #eddie munson x reader angst

[porchlightfairy]

I Want You

pairing: eddie munson x reader

wc: 2.3k+

summary: Eddie misses you. And he wishes that he could fix it all to have you back. slight smut.

part 2 of cellophane

Based on I want you by Mitski: listen to this version

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

I want you

I hold one card

That I can't use

But I want you

“Hey, Eddie?” You whisper. It’s early in the morning and you couldn’t sleep. You turn your head and see Eddie laying next to you.

“Hm?” His eyes are closed but you smile in relief when he responds.

“I love you.” You giggle and peck his cheek.

“Mhm.” He rolls over.

Eddie would have killed to get the chance to say those words back to you now. It’s been a year since your break up and you were recovering gracefully. A beautiful album, photoshoots, and attending events looking gorgeous while he was struggling. Several rebounds, none working out, and a hole in his heart as he tries to replace you.

He doesn’t want to replace you. He just wants you. He wants to fix what you had. He was stupid for neglecting you. For letting the public hate you for no reason. He didn’t protect you and he hated himself for that.

It was the music awards and it would be the first time since the break up that you would be seen near each other in public. Eddie thought he knew how to handle it. Everyone told him how to handle it. But there on the carpet a few feet away was you. In all your glory. That charming smile shined in the floodlights. You were wearing a long off-the-shoulder dress with gold chains around your neck. Gold looked good on you but he knew silver was more your color. 

He tries not to stare at you too long. He doesn’t want anyone to think that he was looking but in the corner of his eye, he still sees you. He poses with his band as your image leaves his peripheral. His heart squeezes and his eyes begin to mist up. He bites the inside of his cheek to control himself and the band moves on to the interviews.

“Eddie, this is the first time you're seeing your ex since the breakup. What is that like for you?” An egregious interviewer asks.

“She’s doing fine, I’m doing fine. We’re people too, you know?” He rolls his eyes, “I’m done.” He then walks away from the interviewer and his group awkwardly follows. He just wanted a drink now.

Inside the venue, he mingles with the other artists as he sips from his drink. He promised his band one drink tonight so he wouldn’t get all sad again. So, he better make it count. He gets done talking to a producer when he turns around and nearly bumps into you.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

You're coming back

And it's the end of the world

The air was so thick you could cut it with a knife. His eyes look over you as if when he blinked you would be gone in an instant. He clears his throat and smiles, “You look… you look good.”

“Thank you.” You look to the floor, “You do too.”

He wants to tell you more. He wants to say how much he misses you. How much it hurt when he had to put all your stuff into boxes and send it away. How he hated getting all the stuff back from your place. It didn't feel real. It wasn’t supposed to happen that way. But him and his stupid rockstar ego got in the way.

“I uh I…” Don't go. “I have to go.” Please stay. “It was really nice to see you.” Let’s talk longer. Why do you have to go?

“Alright, I’ll see you around.” He watches as you go. His heart is racing a mile a minute. He can't seem to catch his breath. He chugs his drink before making an escape to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. After a few deep breaths, he exits the bathroom and heads to his seat as the ceremony starts.

Just across the stage in the darkness, he sees your beautiful glow. With a view like this, he didn’t know if he would be able to make it through the night.

As the ceremony continues, Eddie leaves his seat to return his glass to the bar. He sets the glass on the counter and spins on his heels. And there you are yet again with your pretty eyes and innocent smile. “Can’t seem to get away from me?” He chuckles.

You smile at his joke, “It's practically impossible in this stadium.” 

We're starting over

And I love you, darling

And I am done, dear

He lets out another laugh. This one comes out of the core of his chest. It reminded you of when you dated before he got busy. He used to laugh like that all the time. He looks down at you, his eyes gazing down at yours softly. He parts his lips to speak but he stops himself. His fists clench at his side and his teeth chew on the tender skin on his cheek.

You should say something. He should say something. You both need to say something right now.

“It’s really good to see—”

“I hope you’ve been—”

You both stumble over each other's words and then laugh. “Sorry,” He says, “You go first.”

“I just wanted to say I hope you’ve been doing well. You haven’t been in the public eye lately.” You shuffle your feet.

“Yeah, I kinda needed a break. Got new management and stuff.” He explains, “Boring stuff.”

“It’s not boring, it's your life.”

It’s been boring without you, he thinks. He just nods instead, “I guess you're right. Anyways, it was really good to see you tonight.” His voice wavers at the tail end of his sentence, “Are you here with anybody?”

“Just my team.” You shake your head. He feels relief but then he feels his face get hot.

“Not that it matters or anything.” He tries to recover, “it’s none of my business anyways.”

You laugh, “It’s okay. I’m not interested in anyone anyways.” You mentally smack your forehead in embarrassment.

He nods, “Cool. Good for you. I’ve stopped too. Every encounter I’ve ever had seems to be sexual in nature to the tabloids.”

“Liberating isn’t it?”

“Yes.” His shoulders go slack, “Not being in those glossy pages has been the best thing that happened to me.” Second to being with you, of course. You smile and nod.

You both talked for hours. Neither expecting an award, you just hid away from everyone and talked like nothing happened. Your assistant finally found you and told you it was time to go. She looks between you two nervously. You look at Eddie, “Guess it’s time for me to go. Goodbye, Eddie.”

Wait. I love you.

“Bye.” He waves as you leave him alone.

You're in the house

And I am here in the car

I just need a quiet place

Where I can scream

How I love you

He doesn’t remember much after the award show but after coming home he went for a drive. He drove and drove until he finally parked and closed his eyes. Tears well up in his eyes, his fists clench on the wheel until his knuckles turn white, and the car feels like it's closing in on him. He’s wheezing and he feels faint until there is a knock on the window.

He turns his eyes and sees you standing there looking at him in concern. He gathers himself and rolls down. “Eddie? What are you doing outside my house this late.” Outside your house? He looks past you to see it, there it was your lovely LA home.

“Sorry I didn’t know… I don’t remember coming here.” He clears his throat, “I’m sorry. I’ll go.” He starts the car again but you rest your hand on his, the one that’s on the wheel.

“It’s late Eddie, why don’t you come inside.” You speak softly. He looks at you for confirmation. You nod slowly, “come inside.”

He nods, turns off the car, then opens the door. He follows you into your house, a place he had not been in for a long time. “Um, I’m really sorry for showing up unannounced. I just needed to drive around and ended up here. Thanks for taking the time for me. I know we didn’t leave off on the right foot and I just want to say—”

“Stop talking. I don’t want to hear it right now. I don’t need an excuse as to why you acted the way you did. It’s over and it’s done. I’m done, Eddie.” You let out a breath, “There are some blankets and pillows in the closet, you can sleep on the couch.”

You turn away and walk back to your room. Eddie sighs before going to the closet to get his stuff situated. He makes the couch into a makeshift bed and lays in the silence and basks in the darkness. His face felt hot with embarrassment. He covers his face with the pillow, he wishes he could suffocate himself with it.

Why can’t I just say that I love you?

Eddie doesn’t get much sleep as he stares up in the silence and basks in the darkness. The silence is broken when Eddie hears your door open and a flood of light comes from the direction of your room. Your shadow grows in the light until he sees your figure. “Eddie? Are you still awake?”

He sits up, “Yeah *ahem* Yes, is something wrong?”

You walk over and sit next to him, “You’ve been apologizing all night and I can’t sleep thinking you’re in here beating yourself up about it.”

“If you’re here to apologize then you can stop right there. Nothing is your fault. I was a dick to you, I hurt you, and I let other people hurt you. And I regret so many things but most importantly I regret not protecting you.” He holds your face.

You grab his face in return and pull him in for a kiss. Eddie pulls you closer not wanting to let go as you continue. Your tongues melt and fold together as you exchange saliva. You moan as you push yourself into his lap. Eddie’s hands move over your back and down under your thighs. He groans into the kiss. It feels so good to kiss you again. He doesn’t want this to end.

He pulls you into his lap and begins to kiss your neck. You tangle your hands into his hair and moan as he licks down your chest. He lifts up your shirt but then stops himself, “Is this okay?” He asks.

You nod rapidly, “Yes please, keep going.” He obeys and lifts the shirt higher, kissing the underside of your breast before grabbing it and sucking on your nipple gently. You throw your head back and grind against him, “Yes Eddie~”

Eddie lays you down on the couch and moves further down to your pants pulling them down as he kisses your sensitive skin. You arch back allowing him to pull them off then goes to kiss further down one of your thighs before kissing back up to your pussy. He licks a strip up the lips before spreading them open and licking circles around the clit. You moan out at the sensation before grinding on his face as he continues to suck your clit.

He missed the sight of your pleasure. The way you would writhe and wriggle underneath him. He missed holding you, watching you cum. He wanted to see it again. 

I found you

Your naked bodies exchange energy as you breathe each other's air. You don't let go of each other. Even in the darkness, you see the glint of white in his eyes as he stares back into yours. He gently presses his hand against your cheek. He stutters his hips and grabs at the nape of your neck. He wants to say something so bad. He feels it in the back of his throat. You moan out and arch your back. He thrusts one final time and you both cum together.

“Baby,” He whispers, “I…”

I found the door

“What is it?” You whisper as you catch your breath “Is something wrong?”

He looks up at you, “I love you.”

But when I stepped through

There was no floor

You stop your movements and look down at him, “What?”

He stares up at you, “I- I love you.”

“Are you fucking serious right now? Why would you say that?” You push him away, “Why would you say that right now?!”

“But we’re… I thought… what are we doing?”

“What I thought we were doing was tying up loose ends. One last fuck before we go our separate ways. I thought that's what you wanted since you showed up here unannounced. You are unbelievable.” You get up and start to put your clothes back on.

“I thought you were giving me another chance.”

“Another chance?! No, you see, you missed that chance when after a year of torment you did nothing.” You snap at him, “Did you think you were gonna apologize, we were gonna fuck, I was going to forgive you and it was going to be all sunshine and rainbows?! Get over yourself, Eddie.”

Eddie stares at you blankly, his heart squeezed and his cheeks were burning.

“You know what, I’m going back to my room. You better be gone by morning. I can’t look at you right now.” You stomp away and slam the door behind you. 

Eddie wipes his face and begins to get dressed. You were right to tell him how stupid he was for coming here. For saying what he said. He felt humiliated.

He walks out of your house in shame and feels himself start to freak out again. He was gasping for air. His eyes start to water and his fists clench the wheel. He takes a deep breath then starts the car. He realized now, the opportunity for you was too far gone. He wanted you but he could never have you now.

I want you.

I want you.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x black!reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #rockstar!eddie x reader #rockstar!eddie x popstar!reader

[good-doctor-imagine]

Neibolt (Richie Tozier)

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Reader

Request from anon: “you and richie both like each other and you go to the neibolt house and like are holding his hand and are blushing but are super scared and you also fall with eddie and are freaking out and crying when it is tormenting you guys and when it leaves in that scene he grabs you and calms you and when the fight starts you just stand there but do something when he gets punched and he pulls you along with him after the fight and very fluff” [xxx]

Summary: You and Eddie are attacked in the Neibolt house, leading to the loser’s breakup.

Word Count: 3k

Warning(s): Swearing, Richie’s dick joke, lil bit of angst, a lot of movie dialogue

You knew it was a mistake from the moment you walked through the front door. It was eerie and muggy, covered in spider webs, rotten wood barely supporting the ground you were walking on. Richie must have noticed your growing distress because he leaned in close to your ear, speaking softly so he would startle you.

"Are you okay?"

You simply nodded, eyes darting around the room for any form of imminent danger. It was normal for Richie to ask you how you were doing, he did it all the time. Over the phone, it was the first question he would ask. However, it wasn't normal for him to make any physical advanced towards you. Richie wasn't very physical with you, which is why you were surprised when you felt his fingers entangling with yours.

Locking your gaze on him, Richie didn't seem like anything was out of the ordinary. He was still walking slowly into the house with you, his eyes carefully evaluating where you two were heading. 

He didn't even look as flustered as you were. Your cheeks started heating the moment you felt the warmth of his palm against yours. You prayed that your sweating hands were not that noticeable.

It wasn't like Richie was trying to tell you anything. He was being a nice friend, looking out for you when you're scared. Right. Nothing more.

"I can't believe I pulled the short straw," Richie sighed, "You guys are lucky we're not measuring dicks."

"Shut up Richie," Eddie shut him down instantly.

You sort of agreed with Eddie, now was not the time to joke. It was so fucking creepy you felt a headache beginning to form from the amount of information you were trying to process. Right now, even your shadow could frighten you.

The four of you headed up the stairs, you and Richie following close behind Bill, hands still clutching each other firmly. The stairs were as creepy as the rest of the house. They were winding and so old that you thought it was going to break from underneath you. You didn't touch the banister, lips curling at the amount of dust that had collected on the surface.

The only light that illuminated the second floor was the window in the stairwell. The windows in the room did little to lighten the room, many covered by stapled plywood.

The furniture was old, an abandoned couch still covered by a white cloth. Leaves and dirt were covering the floor, branches from outside trees growing into the building.

The three of you stood frozen, taking in your surroundings. That was until you started to feel Richie tugging your hand. He was walking towards a wall of spider webs. In the middle of it was some sort of paper with 'MISSING' written across the top.

Richie slowly took his hand out of yours, shakily retrieving the paper in the mess of webs and brittle tree branches. He held the paper in his hands, his hands trembling. Bill made his way over, coming to Richie's side to see what it was.

Your eyes were wide as you gazed at the picture.

"It, it says I'm missing."

"Y-y-y-you're not missing, Richie," Bill tried to reason with him, but Richie was speaking loudly over him.

"That's my hair, that's my face!"

"Calm down, this isn't real!" Bill raised his voice, attempting to grab the paper out of Richie's hands but Richie was quick to pull it away.

"That's my name, that's my age," Richie continued, his chest beginning to heave.

Bill made another move to grab the paper, successfully crumbling it in his hands. Richie was still holding on tightly, having a sort of tug of war with Bil.

"That's the date!"

"This isn't real Richie!"

You were terrified, looking between your two friends from the sidelines. It had gotten to Richie. Even if he didn't want to express it, he was probably as terrified as you.

"What the fuck?!" Richie's voice was ear piercing as terror gripped him. You couldn't help but scoot closer to Eddie, both of you not sure how to help in this situation.

Bill was able to tear the paper out of Richie's hands before throwing it haphazardly on the floor.

"It says I'm missing!"

"Calm down!" Bill attempted, gripping onto his friend's forearms.

It broke your heart to see your best friend and crush freaking out so badly. You cared for him with all your heart and to see him this terrified made you realize that you weren't the only one. He may always be looking out for you. Now was the time to begin looking out for him.

Before you could step in, Bill was already calming him down, getting Richie's arms to stop flailing.

Richie looked between the three of you before all of your heads turned to the staircase.

"Hello?"

The three of you walked to where you kept hearing the voice, leading you up the stairs again. You stuck close to Richie's side, despite not holding onto his hand anymore. You peaked over his shoulder, eyes locking onto the sight of a familiar girl.

"Betty?"

"Ripsom?"

Her body was moving up and down from how hard she was breathing. Before she could say anything else, her body was yanked out of the doorway, only a scream ripping from her body as she disappeared.

Your friends started moving forwards, curiosity taking over them. You stayed behind slightly, caught between Richie and Eddie.

"Eddie..." A voice drew out, haunting you and your friend. The other two boys kept walking like they didn't hear anything. You turned around with Eddie, gazing into the light behind you to figure out what made that noise.

"Guys, do you hear that?" Eddie spoke, his voice trembling slightly. You nodded but there was no other response. When Eddie turned around, the door was beginning to shut. "Guys!" Eddie instantly yelled, leaping towards the door.

When it slammed shut, your hands were on the doorknob, attempting to yank it open.

"Eddie! Y/n!"

You were frantic, breath quickening at the thought of being stuck in a room. At least you had Eddie. You abandoned your effort to open the door and clutched onto Eddie's hand for security. If you two were together, then nothing bad could happen. 

Almost instantaneously, the hairs on the back of your neck stood up as you went rigid. Eddie's watch was going off, but that wasn't what made you both frozen with fear.

"Time to take your pill, Eddie."

Eddie's head turned around, coming face to face with the leper. Before you could react, Eddie's eyes were closing, body going limp as he fell backward into a hole on the ground. Because of his hold on you, you couldn't catch yourself before falling with him.

There wasn't much time to change how you were positioned in mid-air. You cringed when you heard something snap from beneath you. The fall hurt like hell, but Eddie's arm took the brunt of it.

"Damn it, Eddie," You cursed under your breath, "Why'd you have to pull me with you?"

All the fear and pain were mixing together, making tears form in your eyes. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair.

"Eddie," You called out to him, sitting up and shaking his shoulders slightly. "Eddie, wake up."

Your throat was beginning to tighten up, warm tears streaming down your face. Everything was overwhelming.

The dining table that you both landed on was snapped in half from the force you exerted on it. Just looking at Eddie's arm, you knew why. It was bent in a horrible way that you couldn't stomach looking at it.

Just when you were going to call out for him again, Eddie bolted upwards, a gasp leaving his throat. First, he looked down at his arm, a whimper leaving his lips.

A white object peaking from the fridge caught your attention. Your eyes widened, breath caught in your throat as you stared at the familiar white glove. You stuck close to Eddie, hands gripping his upper left arm, careful not to get close to his right forearm.

The two of you began to shake when the fridge swung open, a demonic laugh escaping from inside it. The clown was beginning to crawl out of it, his body contorting unnaturally. When he stood up fully, he twisted his upper body, his head facing you two the entire time. He shook with a laugh, the bells on his costume jingling.

It felt like forever, watching the creature bend down towards both of you, the corners of his mouth curling up to form an evil grin.

"Time to float."

You both began to crawl back as the creature hauntingly stepped forwards, his arms waving dramatically.

When you two were stuck to the wall, IT finally crouched in front of you. You were positioned slightly behind Eddie, your hand still clutched onto his upper arm tightly.

Eddie quickly slapped his hand against IT's cheek in a pathetic attempt to make it go away. The creature teasingly grabbed Eddie’s hand, mouth motioning towards it like he was going to bite it off.

You were practically sobbing, chest heaving as you in took the scene in front of you. Despite your blurry vision, you could make out everything that was happening. The terrible look on that disgusting clown's face.

IT took Eddie's face into his hands, imitating his sobbing before directing his attention to you.

You watched as he took one of his hands off Eddie's cheek, placing it on yours instead. The feeling of his dry glove made you want to throw up. His breath certainly wasn't better either.

The creature's hands suddenly moved to your and Eddie's throats, but his grip wasn't enough to choke you.

"Tasty, tasty, beautiful fear."

His grin was wide, teeth pointy as drool poured out over his lips. Your hand gripped impossibly harder onto Eddie's arm when IT's eyes started to roll back, mouth opening wide. You'll have to apologize for the bruises later.

Before IT could make another move, his head twisted toward the side, eyes glazed over as he stared blankly into the room.

"HELP!" Eddie screamed, his voice scratchy from how much you two were crying.

You were too frozen in fear to do anything, eyes not moving from the clown in front of you. The creature moved his hand to cover Eddie's face as Bill and Richie rushed into the room.

"Eddie?" You could hear Richie call out, and then his eyes met yours. "Y/n?"

You couldn't see what the creature was doing anymore, his attention focused on the two boys on the other side of the room.

"This isn't real enough for you, Billy? I'm not real enough for you?"

"Holy shit," The words spilled out of Richie's mouth.

"It was real enough for Georgie."

You held your breath when IT lept forward at the pair, yelling as he made it across the room. Thankfully, he was stopped. Beverly quickly shoved a metal spear into IT's eye, stopping it in the middle of the room. All of the losers piled into the kitchen, eyes focused on the clown.

"Get Eddie – Get Y/n."

You couldn't tell who was saying what anymore, overwhelmed by the amount of stuff happening at the moment. Eddie was screaming, trying to rip away from Bill's grasp. You reluctantly let go of his arm, watching from behind Richie as the creature growled and spun towards you all. The eye that wasn't punctured was a bright red and the teeth in his mouth were poking out from his skin.

Richie clutched onto you, holding you close as the clown laughed deeply and started walking forwards, it's hand ripping its glove as it grew.

Everything was a blur. Eddie and Richie were screaming, Beverly was standing to the side, clutching onto the back of Richie's shirt. She lept away when IT made a move to jump towards you. However, instead, it turned around, sharp fingers digging into Ben's stomach before IT disappeared down the stairs.

"Don't let it get away," Bill said, standing up from the floor and walking to the staircase where IT disappeared.

"No! Bill!" You yelled at him, trembling in Richie's arms. Everyone was screaming at him when he disappeared down the stairs. You were afraid he was never going to come back up. 

If you weren't so terrified, you'd probably be flustered out of your mind. One of Richie's arms was wrapped around your middle, holding you close to his chest. Your hands were gripping onto his shirt, not even thinking about how stretched it was going to be after.

Richie's other hand was on Eddie's shoulder, gripping him hard as he tried to reassure him. Eddie was too shaken up to notice, though.

When Bill came up the stairs, all of you were stumbling out of the house, legs shaky as you tried to process what happened. You couldn't tell if your face was covered with tears or IT's drool. Either way, it felt sticky and gross. You were exhausted, eyes wanting to close as the fear started leaving your body.

Everyone took off to their bikes and started pedaling as fast as they could. Mike put Eddie in the basket of his, making sure he as secure before leaving. When you made it back to Bill's house, you dropped your bike on his driveway next to all the others.

The losers waited outside, dreading the moment the familiar car shows up. You gasped as Richie's arms wrapped around you again, his head finding it's way into your neck. His body was trembling and you thought you felt warm tears collecting on your shoulder. You held him as close as you could, your fingers scratching against his scalp lightly. You knew you weren't the only one who was terrified.

You swallowed thickly as the light beige car rolled up, Eddie's mom getting out of the car and slamming the door. Richie pulled away from you at the sound, his arm wiping whatever was left on his face.

You could see Eddie's mom's face redden as her anger spiked, gazing down at Eddie's broken arm.

"You, you did this," She accused, arm moving around to point her finger at all of you. She took her son by the back of the neck, dragging him with her to the car. "You know how delicate he is."

"We were attacked M-M-Mrs. K," Bill tried to reason, but she was having none of it.

"No. Don't, don't try to blame anyone else."

You bit your lip to stop it from trembling as she shut Eddie's door. He didn't even look at you guys.

"Let me help –" Beverly tried to grab the keys that Mrs. Kaspbrak dropped but was stopped.

"Get back!" She swiped the keys off the ground before straightening up in front of Beverly.

"Oh, I've heard of you, Mrs. Marsh... and I don't want a dirty girl like you touching my son."

She turned back around, hand digging through her purse.

You shuffled closer to Richie as Bill tried to speak up again.

"Mrs. K I..."

"No!" She yelled, pointing her finger at him. "You are all monsters. All of you. And Eddie is done with you. Do you hear? Done!"

You all watched as she made her way around the car, slamming the door shut again when she climbed in. As she drove off, the group walked forwards, following it as it drove over the curb and down the street.

It was silent for a few seconds until Bill turned around.

"I saw the well," He claimed, "W-W-W-We know where it is. A-A-And next time we'll be better prepared."

You brows scrunched up at his words. Why the fuck would he think you were going to go back into that damn trap?

"NO!" Stan spoke up, "No next time, Bill! You're insane!"

"Why?" Beverly questioned, "We all know no one else is going to do anything."

"Eddie and Y/n were nearly killed!" Richie stressed, "And look at this motherfucker," He motioned towards Ben's stomach, "He's leaking hamburger helper!"

"We can't pretend like it's going to go away," Beverly argued, "Ben, you said it yourself it comes back every 27 years."

"Fine! I'll be 40 and far away from here. I thought you said you wanted to get out of this town too."

"Because I want to run towards something, not away."

"I'm sorry but who invited Molly Ringwald into the group?" Beverly gave Richie the middle finger. 

"Richie –"

"I'm just saying let's face facts, real world. Georgie is dead. Stop trying to get us killed too."

Richie tried to walk past Bill, but Bill was quick to jump into his way. 

"Georgie's not dead."

"You couldn't save him, but you can still save yourself.

"No!" Bill struggled, pointing his finger at Richie. "T-t-t-take it back. You're scared and we all are but take it back!"

Your eyes widened when Bill pushed Richie back by his shoulders, making him stumble. Richie pursed his lips and pushed Bill, making him even angrier. Before you could intervene, Bill took Richie by his shirt and threw a punch, hitting him right in the cheek.

"Bill!" Beverly warned, looking down at Richie.

Stanley and Mike lifted Richie off the floor and held him back as he tried to lunge at Bill. Bill pulled his fist back like he was about to swing again when Ben pulled him back.

"You're a bunch of losers, get us all killed trying to catch a stupid clown."

"Stop!" Beverly screamed, placing herself inside of the fight.

"This is what IT wants, IT wants to divide us. We were all together when we heard it. That's why we're still alive."

"Yeah? Well, I plan to keep it that way," Richie walked forwards, grabbing your hand as he walked to his bike. He made sure to check Bill in the shoulder as he passed.

You couldn't stop the tears from rolling down your face as you looked back at Bill, a person you considered a friend.

"Fuck you, Bill. Friends don't put other friends in danger. I thought you cared about us. I was wrong," You spat.

When you turned to Richie, he was motioning for you to climb onto the back of his bike. You complied, refusing to think twice about your bike laying idly in Bill's driveway. You'll pick it up another time.

#richie tozier #richie tozier imagine #richie tozier x reader #richie tozier oneshot #it 2017 #it 2017 imagine #it 2017 x reader #it 2017 oneshot #it chapter one #it chapter one imagine #it chapter one oneshot #it chapter one x reader #x reader #gn!reader #finn wolfhard #finn wolfhard imagine #oneshot

[soulwillower]

isn’t this easy?• bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x reader)      

warnings: swearing, some angst, fluff, poorly written, unedited!!!

... idk what this is

[losers + reader are aged up to high school in this.]

2.2k words

♡

bill’s eye rolls were getting increasingly more aggressive and painful to watch as you and the losers sit in the clubhouse, silently eyeing the boy as he leans against a pole with his phone to his ear. on the other line, an upset voice spits words like “insensitive,” “asshole,” “stupid,” and “embarrassing” but bill says nothing back, sighs emitting slowly from worried down lips with a pained and embarrassed look.

bill was broke, and not in an economic sense as much as in his relationship. he’d never admit it to you up front, but he told eddie and ben three days ago that his girlfriend was taking so much more than she was giving. and its killing him. 

its not like none of you noticed, it’s just that he’s still with her despite that that hurts you.

you cant help the twinge of anger that lights a fire deep within you; you open your mouth to question the berating insults that were just flying through his phone from the girls that was supposed to love him.  

richie asks before you have a chance. “whats got your girl’s panties in such a twist, big bill?” mike chuckles and okay, not exactly the words you would have chosen, but the grimace and shrug bill responds with suggests the job was done either way.

“e-earlier today i m-made a thats wh-what she said j-joke.”

you blink and share a look with eddie before looking back in shock to bill. “and thats all? you got all of that just from a joke? what, was it bad?”

he shakes his head, “i th-thought it was funny. she and her boring flathead f-friends didnt. i’m in the d-doghouse, now.”

it’s quiet then, because all seven of you - and possibly bill himself - were all thinking it, but not even you or richie were bold enough to just say it. plus, bill could never betray the treatment that he’s always known, and it's killing you to watch him wilt under this girl. he gets this treatment from his parents and now his girlfriend, too. it hurts you everywhere.

and in the silence of the group, the sarcastic 'cheers' gesture that bill makes with his can of soda is a sad reminder that he’s going to stay true to the golden core that once defined a now-dying infatuation.

but you’re fairly certain that golden core started rotting the moment they’d met. 

- 

sometimes, when bill gets flashbacks or around the certain times that he cant help but stare forlornly at the empty room across his hall, he would call her.

she didn't get it, of course she didn't. she tried to help him the first few times, like a decent girlfriend - really, the bare minimum - but it got hard for her. or she didn't want that part of bill. 

she only wanted the ‘good parts,’ you’d heard. but that doesn't make sense, because every part of bill is a good part. 

she doesn't get him, she doesn't understand the depths of trauma and hurt that swirls slowly below the depths of his 6’1 frame - behind his smiles, his leadership, his kindness, cheer, and unsullied bravery and intuition.

the losers get it, you get it. because you were there along with him the whole time and though still none of you want to outright address it for fear of getting violently sick as you recall memories. 

but you and bill can talk about it in a way that’s accessible for the two of you and it’s typically stuff that makes you laugh or makes you uncomfortable upon reflection, the fuzzy memories that get harder to recall the older you grow. 

and because of that, more often than not you’ll get a text and then sit in your car down the block until you see her leave his house before sneaking to his room to comfort him and brush tears off his cheeks that roll down from both the petrifying fear of repressed memories along with the stinging pains of rejection from his disdainful girlfriend.

it was heartbreaking.

during those nights he tells you that he doesn't deserve someone like you and you think that’s absurd. but he also tells you how nice it is that you make him laugh when he knows he’s about to cry, and how you know exactly how he feels when those intrusive feelings get in the way and its almost too much. he says he loves you, and when you say it back it’s with a stabbing pain through your heart. because he loves you, but not in the same way. 

and sure, you dream of the day where bill wakes up and realizes that holy shit, you’ve been in front of him the whole time. but even that isn’t as important as your longing for bill to wake up and see that he just deserves better than her. 

you could give that to him, but even so, he just needs to get out of her talons because they were ripping him apart.

- 

and when it had been a few days since you'd last gotten to see bill, you decided you needed to check in on him. out of childhood habit, you walked through the backyard and went to knock on the back door. but his figure is already there and before your fist can make a sound,  the door slides open. “oh, hi.” you say, eyes wide, fist hovering above the empty space that once was bill’s sliding door.

bills green eyes swim with happiness and he gives you a tired smile, stepping out with you and giving you another glimmer of hope. “h-hey y/n, wh-what’s up?” he asks you, following you without question. you shrug, “wanted to go to the park. need to get away.” you explain, leaving out the 'you' at the beginning of your last sentence. he gives a blinding smile as he’s helping to lift you over his back fence. “g-good, i’ve been missing my g-girl lately.”

you think about those words the whole way to the park and they still make you smile as your legs brush against each other on the park bench. you can't help but watch him as he talks. the way his lips form words as he tries to force them out of his mouth, the embarrassed blush totally absent from his cheeks now that his girlfriend isn't around. he told you once with a grimace that she doesn't always love when he stutters.

you do, of course. you always love everything about bill.

and minutes later, when you crack a lewd joke, he looks shocked and unsurprised all at once that you can't help your stare as his green eyes flick around, checking if any kids at the park heard before looking to you. he tips his head back with a bright laugh, the melodic sound coaxing a laugh of your own from your lips. his arm casually comes to rest against the back of the bench as laughs still bubble from his cherry lips, his red hair glinting in the sun.

he looks at you and for the first time in months, he looks completely relaxed. “y/n!” he says, halfway between amusement and chastising, his lips still smiling. you smile back at him, holding his soft gaze as he shakes his head softly.

isnt this so easy?

you wonder briefly why it isnt easy like this with him and her.

because you just don’t get it. bill’s the kind of boy that everybody loves - very few people dislike him and if you discredit the psychopaths or lunatics that this town is riddled with, the people left are far and few between.

his girlfriend dislikes him now, though, and he dislikes her. but hes too nice to see that, because he just wants everyone around him to be happy even if its at his own expense.

- 

and then two weeks after their phone call in the clubhouse, he showed up at your door with short breaths, stuttering words, and tears swimming in his eyes. it was one in the morning and he looked almost as bad as you’d seen him since that one summer back in middle school.

and when you were up in your room, he told you all about their breakup and how that itself didnt hurt, but what was killing him was how foolish he’d been to keep on dating a girl who didnt show him the kind of love he wanted.

he started to say something else, but stopped and you didn’t bring it up, as much as you wanted to.

bill was sleeping on rocks at home, spending sleepless nights thinking about where they’d stepped and the entire mess that had thankfully ended tonight. but he couldn’t sleep well and the evidence was right under his eyes.

so you’d let him stay with you, and he insisted on sleeping on the floor but you thought that was nonsense. he curled up with you on the bed and it was the best sleep the two of you ever had.

- 

then it happened again a couple weeks after their break up. bill had run up to your front door and pounded on it until you begrudgingly answered. he'd woken you up, because it was seven in the morning and you gape at him - he looks like he's been up all night. "bill-" you start but he starts stuttering, talking a mile a minute as if he has to say something now or else he never could again.

the feeling of an empty pit in your stomach that wishes for a splash of light starts to grow as he looks at you almost warily. "y-y/n, i have to- just listen, p-please, because i n-need to a-ask you..."

you wait patiently, terrified because he looks like he might be sick, but he starts anyways. “y/n. you u-understand me, you always h-have...” he looks very anxious, and bill is rarely anxious so you start to panic. his next words are shocking.

“y/n, are y-you... are you in l-love with me?” he asks, and the air leaves your lungs. he’s watching you, looking torn, and it breaks your heart. it looks like he’s in pain and he looks so lost. you nod slowly, shrugging. “yeah, bill. i just- i cant help it.” you say, feeling defeated and somehow elated by your admission.

his eyes well with tears and he shakes his head. “im so s-s-sorry.” he whispers, voice cracking. it kills you. “i’m s-sorry, f-fuck.” 

you’re scared and confused and deeply sorrowful as his words leave his lips. just because he doesn't love you back doesn't mean he has to be sorry about it at all. 

 it hurts you to think that a boy who gives so much love for everyone can be so lost and unsure with himself, feeling so undeserving of real love. “y-y/n, i'm s- i didnt kn-know. i d-didnt know, i'm so s-sorry.”

he's hysteric and your heart hurts as you realize he's sorry that you had to see him with his ex all the time and you shake your head. you’ve never seen bill like this before. 

“bill, it's okay, i just want you to be happy, that’s all. i don't need you to- we dont have to-“

“-i don’t want to f-f-fuck it up w-with you, too. i’m s-scared.” he says softly, eyes bright and teary like summer grass after a long rain. his hands are shaking as he lifts them to rub at his tired eyes, lip quivering.

the world spins for both of you as you tentatively walk forward, grabbing his cheeks softly. theyre warm under your touch and when he looks down at you, the spinning stops.

“why do you think you could ever fuck it up with me?” you ask softly, genuinely curious as your heartbeat thumps against your chest. his eyes are closed, in either fear or regret. 

“you couldn’t if you tried. i love ‘thats what she said’ jokes.” you say teasingly.

bill laughs wetly, his cheeks slightly squishing as his wide smile is obstructed by your soft hands. “i love y-you.” he says, eyes opening to stare at you seriously. you raise your eyes, surprised and elated at his words.

“you do?” you ask dumbly, hands falling from his face to his shoulders to steady yourself. “y-yeah, i do. i think i have for a r-really long t-time.” he says sheepishly with a smile.

you can’t help but let out a relieved laugh, your shoulders relaxing as he grins down at you with a look full of nothing but love. 

“can i k-kiss you?” he whispers, hands sneaking to your cheek and neck. “please.” you say just as quietly, unable to wipe the smile from your face.

when he closes the gap, he tastes like salt but he kisses you softly with more intent and feeling than you ever thought possible.

his hands are gentle and rough all the same, kissing with wild fire and with calm waters. you feel pinned to earth and up in the clouds, his lips on yours and tongue swiping gently in your mouth. he’s smiling into your mouth, laughing gently with love as he pulls you closer, arms wrapping tightly around your middle.

the darkness that ached for the splash of light within you is completely gone now, replaced with glowing love, admiration for the boy that you’ve loved since middle school.

 he belongs with you.

#bill denbrough x reader #losers club x reader #losers x reader

[citrinekay]

Looking Season 2 thoughts

So I finished season 2 last night, and I’ve been trying to gather my thoughts and pick the broken pieces of my heart up off the floor - and the first thing that comes to my mind as a general reaction to these ten perfectly crafted yet heart-breaking episodes is the quote by C.S. Lewis: “Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn; my God, do you learn.” 

I absolutely loved all the character arcs and development that occurred over the course of season 2 for all the characters, not just Patrick. Though I was very sad to see Lynn and Dom break up, I think that relationship taught Dom that he wants something real - not just sex - out of relationship. If S3 had happened, I would have loved to see Lynn learn that he wants to try to find some level of the happiness that he had with his late boyfriend again. Later on, Dom also learned that he needs to be independent and do things on his own with him opening his chicken window (in my mind, a smashing success!!) I was most surprised by Agustin’s development in this season. He truly hit rock bottom, and I gained a new respect for him seeing him face the consequences of his actions and in part, the brutal truths about himself that Frank explained to him at the end of S1. I can relate to and respect a character who learns from his bad choices and tries to be a better person. And in turn, the addition of Eddie to the cast of characters was really lovely for me. I loved the fact that they included an HIV positive character and were honest yet also sensitive about the topic. Eddie himself was just a joy to see, and what I really liked about his relationship to Agustin was that he’s a no-bullshit kind of person. He doesn’t let Agustin lie to himself or be a prideful asshole. If we had gotten S3, I think we would have seen a beautiful evolution of that relationship, and Eddie learning to stop using his HIV status as a reason to shut people out from having a serious, committed relationship with him. 

And now, I save Patrick for last because oh my Lord 😭 Oh my poor, sweet, baby. Where do I even start? Though the character development in this show is so detailed and carefully orchestrated in a way that feels really natural and amazing to watch, it was also really fucking sad and disappointing. This season with him and Kevin was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I knew exactly where it was going, but at some point (I think around episode 8 or 9 when Kevin finally broke up with Jon and they got together and seemed to be really happy) I had one small moment where I wanted it to work out - simply so that I wouldn’t have to see Patrick get his heart broken again. Alas, my opinions about Kevin were correct from the very beginning. What a dick. I never liked them together, but the reason for their breakup really upset me. I completely agree with Patrick when it comes to relationships and monogamy. If the point of having a relationship isn’t exclusivity and devotion, then what is the point??? Kevin really blew it because he could have had someone who would love him fervently for the rest of his life - but I guess that goes to show how he felt about his relationship to Patrick all along. It’s like Richie told Patrick, “You shouldn’t be in deeper than the person you’re with.” That was the case, for sure. 

It all comes back around to 1x1 in which Patrick asked Dom “Why do I go on so many bad dates?” and Dom said, “Because you care too much what your mom thinks.” Maybe in this season Patrick saw a whole different side of his mother, but he still cared so much about what his entire family thought of him. The fact that he rushed to move in with Kevin just to prove a point to his sister is really fucking sad. He’s just looking for acceptance and respect inside his own family and it seems that no matter what he does, he can never get it. I don’t agree with Megan’s mean behavior over the whole situation, but she had a couple good points. Patrick made the same mistake as he did in S1 with Richie, though for entirely different reasons - he rushed it. He was so eager to prove to himself that he could be in a relationship that he completely ignored every warning sign and gut feeling about Kevin that could have saved him a lot of heartache. To see him admit that to himself in their final conversation was crushing yet also important. Watching him lie to himself about Kevin and himself all season was so frustrating, and it was good to see him open his eyes to the truth no matter how painful it was. 

So, in conclusion, I suppose Patrick did learn. He finally learned that he does want a real, monogamous relationship (a clear contrast to episode 1 and cruising in the park.) He learned to stop caring about his family. He learned that he should have listened to himself when he broke up with Kevin the first time. I think, in time, he’ll learn that he still loves Richie so much and that he is finally ready for that commitment Richie was looking for the first time around. And if the show HAD to end (i know there’s the movie but I’m talking season after season) I would have wanted it to end exactly the way it did - Patrick showing up at Richie’s barber shop, asking for him to cut his hair. Not just cut it, but shave it all off, a fresh start. I think this was a very subtle point and a throwback to Patrick’s conversation with his mom in the wedding episode when he told her that Richie has no other ambition aside from cutting hair. It’s not a lowly, unimportant pursuit. I think it’s a form of healing touch that’s very intrinsic to the human condition. Not only did Patrick go to Richie after his horrible breakup with Kevin, he went there to change his hair and to start changing himself.

Favorite episodes happened right in the middle of the season:

2x5: Looking For Truth - Patrick’s day with Richie which felt a little like a modified version of their date back in S1 when Patrick called off work to spend the day with him. I love them just sitting there talking, looking at each other, understanding one another 💛

2x6: Looking For Gordon Freeman - Patrick being an absolute MESS

2x7: Looking for a Plot - Patrick going to Doris’ dad’s funeral with her and Dom. I thought it highlighted grief and emotional turmoil in an important and poignant way from Doris’ reactions to her father’s passing, to Dom’s nostalgia about their hometown, to Patrick’s utter breakdown at the graveside service. Even though he didn’t know Doris’ dad, the memorial spoke deeply to him about what he really wants for himself, the brevity of life, and the impact of his choices. It made sense to me why he went back to Kevin after that even if I didn’t agree with that choice. I think it was probably my most favorite out of the entire season. 

I’ll be watching the Movie later tonight and am simply praying please be kind. I want to be healed from the heartbreak of S2 and see Patrick and Richie back together again after so much turmoil. It’s what they deserve !! 😭💕

#well this got really long #did I call kevin a d*ck enough times??? #i just really love patrick you guys #i want him to be happy and loved !! is that too much to ask??? #looking hbo #patrick murray

[eddie-delacruz]

I Don’t Want to Fight You Forever | Eddsidy

Pairing - Eddie De La Cruz & Cassidy Stabbington ( @cassidystabbington )

Time - End of School/Early Summer

Setting - Cassidy’s dorm room

Summary - After months of not speaking, Eddie shows up at Cassidy’s to confess his feelings. 

Eddie:

Eddie clearly didn’t have a clue what his next step would be. He was standing at Cassidy’s dorm room door, like a fucking idiot. Obviously, he should’ve planned something to say but he didn’t. He was too nervous to think about it anytime he tried. There were several crumpled up papers with sorry ass words written on them. He knew that whatever he would put into paper wouldn’t help with the absolute mess of a way he left things.

Why he didn’t immediately go to Cassidy as soon as he broke up with Dizzy was as much a mystery to him as anyone who knew the situation. Which was currently just Maya. She’d tried telling him to go small, be genuine and meaningful but what the hell does that mean? Anything he did was meaningful because he meant to do it. Whatever it actually means, all he knew was that he couldn’t go big.

He’d already written a song, that didn’t go over well. He thought about doing something public— because where else besides Crownflicks is he supposed to get his “romantic” ideas from? That one is as good as anything to blow up spectacularly in his face. On the off chance she doesn’t believe him, he’d get rejected in front of the entire school. Not exactly the backlash he’d need after a not so greatly planned breakup.

So what impossible thing do you do when you want to tell the girl you have feelings for that you like her? Eddie finally knocked on the door to her room, clearing his throat as he tried to push back every single thought that was telling him this was stupid and that she probably hates him and doesn’t want to talk to him ever again. His hands burrowed themselves in the pockets of his jeans. If he can’t escape this maybe at least his hands can hide away for a while.

Cassidy:

If Cassidy thought long months of watching Eddie date a simpering child had been hard for her, they had proved to be nothing compared to the time after he and Dizzy had broken up. She’d been so stupid on Valentine’s Day, almost believing that he really cared for her the same way that she cared for him, letting their kiss haunt her until she’d hoped that maybe this was really it. Maybe the thing she’d wanted for so long was within her grasp, and Eddie would leave Dizzy behind and things could be different between them.

Hope was for suckers, though, and what a fool she’d been for letting it creep in, slipping past her hard exterior and into the softer pieces of her heart. It had taken months for Eddie to break up with Dizzy, and when he had, she hadn’t heard a single thing from him. She’d learned of their relationship ending through the rumor mill, right as she’d been working on her own song, one she’d recorded without even Diego knowing. It had been too raw, too real, and had revealed entirely too much about how she felt, watching Eddie with the wrong girl… only he wasn’t with the wrong girl anymore. She’d thought to give him the recording on his birthday, but he and Dizzy were already broken up then, and he hadn’t said a single word.

She was through hoping, now. Eddie’s silence had been deafening, and she’d gotten the message loud and clear. She wasn’t the one for him; he’d probably just temporarily lost his mind the last time they’d talked about stupid feelings, just like he’d lost his mind when he’d decided to date that stupid freshman at all. He’d probably gone running back to Maya like he always did, and somehow that hurt worse. Dizzy, she at least knew, couldn’t possibly matter that much to him. But even Cassidy cared about Maya; it was stupid to think anyone would want to stick around and wade through all her issues when someone like that was the alternative.

Cass had tried for years to get these stupid feelings out of her system, and though it hadn’t worked yet, summer was starting. She had three whole months to hide and throw herself into music with Diego, and maybe, just maybe, she could finally put her feelings to rest. Only she flung the door open at the sound of a knock, expecting to see her dumb cousin, or her musical partner, or even a friend like Maya.. only to find Eddie standing there instead. “I think you got lost somewhere,” she said immediately, her defenses automatically up. She’d spent so much time being mad at him, she didn’t really know how to act now that he was here, in the flesh, and not just a figment of her imagination, a figure haunting her daydreams.

Why was he here? Now, after so much time had passed? It hurt too much, and she had a feeling this was only going to hurt her more… She didn’t immediately retreat from the sight of him though; instead, Cassidy crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself too tightly.. She shouldn’t want to see him, after all her mental anguish, but the pull was still there, and she’d never been very good at ignoring it. “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t slam the door in your face right now.”

Eddie:

It was stupid to think that just because of that Valentine’s day, her birthday, that things could change. But that’s why he did everything he did… right? When they kissed, finally he was able to put every single bit of feeling he had into action. The feeling he would get when she would just be in a room. When she would yell at him. When she’d challenged him. When they made music together. It was the best feeling he never could’ve described. Cassidy made everything go away that afternoon.

He didn’t care about what he was supposed to be doing, who was supposed to be with because it didn’t matter. She did. The whole relationship thing was a dud from the beginning, and Cass knew it before he even told her what was going on.

That was the whole reason he even had the incentive to break up with Dizzy. Other than, of course, trying to avoid having sex. It was already hard trying to hide what he’d been feeling and once he and Cassidy kissed he knew he wouldn’t be able to hide it much longer and before it got out he had to end it with Dizzy. How was he supposed to keep from saying that he didn’t want to spend whatever free time he had making music with her, “the enemy”.  

Cassidy deserved better. She didn’t deserve his silence yet he put her through it anyway. Because no matter what he told her, she never believed him. He wrote the song for her and she wouldn’t believe it. He’d tried telling her so many times how he felt, but it was all meaningless over text. If there was one thing he learned from their many many arguments and countless text threads, is that she hated him. Eddie had caused so much grief for her, and yet he still showed up at her door. Without any preparation on how he could possibly convince her that everything he’d ever said to her was true.

Eddie was speechless when he saw her standing in front of him. What could he say? There was no excuse he had for completely ghosting her. How could he have texted her or talked to her right after he broke up with Dizzy? He didn’t know what to say then and he sure as hell didn’t know what to say now. He’d felt a rush up his spine. His face running cold while his hands gradually heated. Finally, his hands pulled from his pockets and he began to rub them together to try and ease the discomfort. For the first time he couldn’t speak, he cleared his throat to recover it from it’s drying state. “Cassidy, we have to talk.” Was all he could muster up. Really? No shit. You disappear for weeks and now you want to talk? He repeated to himself before shaking his head. It has to be better than that. He can’t screw this up again. “I should’ve called.” Godmother, why was admitting this so hard? “It was stupid, but I need to talk to you. Just give me 5 minutes.”

Cassidy:

We need to talk? Cassidy had wanted desperately to hear from him for months now and all he could muster up were the most generic and lame ‘relationship’ discussion words in the English language? Cassidy’s fingers itched with the desire to slam the door in his face and keep him out, to stop him from having another chance to disappoint and underwhelm her… but instead, she rolled her eyes and stepped back from the door, leaving it open for him to come inside.

“You know, usually people say that when they’re breaking up with someone,” she pointed out once her back was turned to him, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “But since I’d…” Cassidy began, wanting to toss something biting and hurtful his way so that he could feel a fraction of the pain she’d been in during the stretch of silence. He’d asked why she still talked to him if she hated him so much, but it was impossible not to talk to him. It was so much worse than the fighting, a gaping absence in her life where he was supposed to be, and she only hated him so much because of how much she really didn’t hate him at all.

What if he really was here because he felt the same way? Was she really going to take whatever small step he was trying to make and throw it back in his face? That was her usual way, her usual method, and God knew it hadn’t gotten her anywhere so far. So instead of being defensive, Cassidy’s voice was small as she corrected her statement. “But since you’d never want to date me, obviously it’s not that kind of conversation, so what do you want?”

She didn’t like this feeling, the weak and uncertain one. She didn’t like giving him the upperhand when she usually tried so hard to fight and claw for it, but she had to know. Cassidy wanted so desperately to close this chapter in her life, to get over these feelings that never seemed to be on the same page as Eddie’s… but he was here now, and she was still just taking whatever little pieces he would give her. She hated herself for wanting all of him, and more for settling for just parts of him, but she hadn’t been able to change that yet, and it wasn’t suddenly going to change now.

Cassidy tapped a timer onto her phone as she waited for him to close the door and join her, settling on her desk chair instead of the bed so that he couldn’t sit next to her and make her brain all fuzzy with his closeness. She clicked start and set the phone down face-up on the desk, looking at him pointedly, trying to hide whatever flicker of hope she was sure was showing in her eyes. “Five minutes, go.”

Eddie:

Eddie never was that great with words. It was why he’d worked so well with Cassidy before. She always knew exactly what to say, the exact right words to fit whatever he wanted to sing about. Sure he could handle writing on his own, but if he was being honest with himself, he’d say his music never sounded more real when they came from her. He wondered if he ever gave her enough credit for that. Instead, he’s here giving her the most basic lines because no other words could come to mind.

She didn’t think he wanted her, and that was pointedly on him. He felt her words ring very loudly in his ear. Of course, he wanted to be with her. So why was this so hard? To say those words and tell her how he felt. Just hoping he doesn’t go back and repeat that pattern of breaking her heart.

Eddie walked into the room, turning to close the door behind him. This would have to be private. He’d spent the longest time talking to Maya about everything he should’ve been telling Cassidy and he was going to fix that now. Since she’d sat at her desk, he stood in front of her. Rubbing his hands on his pants, they’d suddenly gotten very hot and sweaty. “It is,” he simply stated before clearing his throat. ‘It is that kind of conversation.”

This was getting a little easier. Piece by piece he was letting the truth out with here. And this time it wasn’t over a text message. He was saying it to her face. His eyes darted to the timer. Okay, a little bit of added pressure. There was no way he could tell whether she would actually kick him out after 5 minutes, but there was a large chance she would. It’s not like he didn’t deserve it.

His throat was dry and he needed another second to gather his words. Everything Eddie wanted to say was becoming a jumbled mess in his head and he was just hoping he wouldn’t screw it up again. Where does he even begin? “Cass, I never should’ve dated her.” Admitting he was wrong, one of the things he was told to do. But it wasn’t like Cassidy didn’t know that already. He needed more, to tell her directly. “I wanted to be with you- I mean..” He shook his head, his eyes on hers. “I want to be with you.”

Cassidy:

Cassidy shifted in her chair as Eddie spoke, putting her hands underneath her so he couldn’t reach out to touch them. It took all her willpower not to have them go to her pockets, where she typically had some kind of pocket knife on her, but listening to him had her even more on the defensive than she’d already been. What the hell did that mean, that it was that kind of conversation? She’d heard his silence loud and clear; she didn’t need him to come here and stomp on her heart a final time.

Or… did she? Maybe all she needed was a straightforward no, an unequivocal rejection. Maybe then her heart could stop belonging to him, no matter how much she wanted to have it for herself, to give away to someone better instead. Only no matter how many people she met, none of them ever seemed better. God knew Eddie drove her crazy, but she also never felt more alive than when she was with him either. Even when they were fighting. Sometimes especially when they were fighting.

She chewed on the inside of her cheek to keep from instantly fighting him now, though. She’d heard him out without interrupting his five minutes, or at least she’d try. Her eyes darted towards the timer again, a distraction so that they couldn’t well with tears as she waited to hear what came next… only what came next wasn’t him telling her that she needed to leave him alone, or that he wanted nothing to do with her once and for all. Instead, her head snapped back towards him, her eyes wide as she stared at his face for some kind of indication that he was fucking with her.

He looked sincere, though, and Cassidy really wasn’t sure what the hell to say to that. Of course he shouldn’t have dated Dizzy. Not just because of how much it broke her heart to see him with someone else, but for so many reasons. He deserved so much better than someone so simple-minded and immature, and Cassidy could only nod slowly in agreement, not trusting herself to say anything else. And thank God for her ability to shut up for once; if she were as combative as she usually was, if she were fighting him every chance she got, he might never have gotten the chance to say his next words.

I want to be with you. It was so simple, and it was what she’d wanted to hear for so long. Now that she was hearing it, she should have been elated, but instead a knot formed in her stomach, and what she was actually feeling was much more akin to dread. “You can’t mean that,” she said, taking one hand out from under her to hit pause on the timer. It wasn’t fair to take away from his five minutes just because she couldn’t stay silent and listen. She had to ask, though. She had to know if he really meant it, or if he’d just temporarily lost his mind now, without Dizzy in the picture. Still, even without Dizzy, there was Maya, and it just didn’t compute to her.

“I’ve wanted to hear you say that for so long,” she finally admitted, taking her other hand out from under her and wringing them together in her lap. “Probably since even before I broke up with Emmett. But now, I just…” was terrified, she finished mentally. She was terrified that he’d take the words back right away, or worse, that she’d finally get to have him only to lose him all over again. She was always scared of everything, of things that didn’t even mean anything; Cassidy should have known she’d be even more frightened when it came to something that mattered so much. “I’ve always been here, you idiot. I’ve always wanted you, so… why now? What the hell changed?” She unclasped her hands just long enough to hit ‘unpause,’ and then wrung them together again, unsure what else to do with them to combat her nerves.

Eddie:

Eddie was more than shocked himself at how long he'd been lying to himself. But as soon as the words had left his mouth he'd known it was something he'd wished he said so much sooner. Instead of being the stupid idiot he'd been before and letting his fame dictate his every move. "I mean every word of it, Cassidy. I should've known-" He stopped for a moment just to gather his thoughts. If he was going to give her an answer, he needed to make sure he said the right thing. 

It nearly broke his heart to hear how long she'd been waiting on him to get his shit together. To hear that she'd felt this way about him for so long and he had no clue. Or maybe he just wouldn't let himself believe it. She was always too good for him. "I didn't think I deserved-" No that's stupid. They were just excuses. He cleared his throat trying to think of something better to say. "That's the thing...I don't think anything's ever changed how I feel about you. I was just too fucking stupid to ever realize it."

Cassidy:

Cassidy snorted softly and agreed, "You are pretty fucking stupid. But I don't exactly make it easy for you, I guess, so uh... maybe that makes us even?" She shifted slightly, wringing her hands together once before letting them rest gently in her lap. She itched to reach out and touch him, to make sure that this wasn't all some crazy fantasy, but if it was make believe, she wasn't ready for it to end yet. She turned it over in her head, trying to figure out why now? She'd bottled things up for so long that she'd hit a breaking point, and he said nothing had changed, but... "Maybe we both just finally grew up a little," Cassidy posited, licking her lips to wet them. They'd gone dry hearing Eddie's words and trying to get herself to believe them, to understand that what she'd wanted for so long was actually within her reach.

"Or maybe how we felt about each other didn't change, maybe it was how we felt about ourselves. I don't know, maybe I'm just thinking too much." She'd seen enough cheesy Auradonian movies to know that this was usually the part where the girl threw herself into the guy's arms and kissed away all the problems they'd had along the way to finding each other. She normally wasn't that girl, always tempering her emotions and fighting her feelings, but she'd fought them for so long, and she was so tired. There were so many things she was feeling that she didn't know how to put into words yet, and for once, she was going to let herself act instead of just think. "Come here, you idiot," she conceded, reaching for his hands and trying to tug him down to her level. "Words aren't your thing, why don't you show me how you feel instead?"

Eddie:

Eddie wasn't entirely sure if he could convince that he was dfferent, that something about him had changed. He'd spent so much time trying to hide his true self from everyone. Cassidy had been one of the few people to ever fully see through it. To see who he actually was and despite everything she still was always there. She was right, maybe they both did just grow up and were finally able to let go of the things that were holding them back. And thank god he didn't have to.  "I think you're right....with all of it." His head shook slightly.

"All I know is that I can't keep the feelings in anymore." He felt a rush of relief wash over his face with everything out in the air. His hands meet with hers, letting himself be pulled down to meet her. Who knew his heart could be racing this much. All he wanted to do was sweep her off her feet and embrace her in his arms and to kiss her like he'd never get another chance to. A smile finally was placed on his lips as he closed the space between them, pressing his lips against hers. His hands moving so they were on either side of her face, holding the kiss.

Cassidy:

Cassidy's eyes widened. He thought she was right. How far they'd come, that either one of them was willing to say such a thing. There had certainly been times in the past when she'd thought Eddie might have a point about something or another, but she never would have conceded it to him. She was so tired, though. Tired of hiding from her feelings, tired of pushing him away, tired of seeing him with other people when all she wanted was for him to be with her... It felt good to let her guard down. To finally give in.

"I don't want to fight you forever," Cassidy agreed softly in the moment before their lips meant. Their kiss from her birthday was still burned in her brain, but no matter how much that had made her feel, that angry, tension-filled kiss had nothing on this. It wasn't a battle for dominance or a grudging chance to act on dammed up feelings; this was her finally letting herself have what she'd wanted for so long. It felt like coming home, and Cassidy's lips against his were soft, yet insistent, as she let the bitterness wash off of her under Eddie's touch. A part of her didn't want to stop; the old worries that if this moment ended, there wouldn't be another one creeping in.

They had to try to be different now, though. Otherwise, it would all amount to nothing, so with a reluctant sigh, Cassidy broke the kiss to take a breath, keeping her forehead resting against Eddie's. "I lo..." she began unthinkingly, the true depth of her feelings for him bubbled up to the surface. It was too soon, though; too much, too fast, so instead she whispered, "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. Can we not wait like five years before we do it again?" she asked with a nervous laugh.

#{ Cassidy } #{ para } #{ cassidy ; para }

[jade4813]

A Lie, Told Often Enough, Chapter 20

Author Notes: Inspired by @fallinginloveinaflash‘s AU prompt. All credit for the idea goes entirely to her. I’ve loved this story so much, I’m sad to see it go! I hope everyone has enjoyed reading it as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it - and stay tuned for the first chapter of my next Westallen AU, Sparks Fly, to be posted soon!

Title: A Lie, Told Often Enough

Rating: NC-17

Synopsis: Iris just landed her dream job at a PR firm and her first assignment is reforming the bad boy image of celebrity artist Barry Allen. He’s overly cocky and well-known for being a playboy, but Iris has never met a challenge she couldn’t handle.

Chapters: 20/20

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Blind Gossip – The recent breakup between this sexy rock star and his fashionable fiancée have made big news, but sources close to the couple say that it may have all been for show. Rumor is they’re closer than ever but trying to keep their relationship on the down-low. Dare we still hope for wedding bells in the future? Think you know the identity of our coy lovebirds? Sound off below!

“Where are you going?” Iris asked sleepily as Barry yawned and slid silently out from under the covers. “Come back to bed.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he murmured, bending over to press a kiss against her forehead. “I thought you might want some breakfast.”

She fisted a hand in his t-shirt and gave it a slight tug until he laid over her, his body pressing her into the mattress. “I don’t want breakfast. I want you to make love to me.”

“Make love to you?” he asked softly, brushing his lips against her cheek, remembering a time she would have phrased the request differently. He liked the way her words now felt on his tongue and in his heart.

Misinterpreting his repetition, she blushed. “Did that sound cheesy? It sounded, cheesy, didn’t it.”

“Not at all! Sweetheart, I’m always happy to make love to you. As long as you promise you won’t look away.”

She smiled. “So stop talking and hold me, already,” she demanded.

Barry laughed and started to tease her. “You’re bossy in the morn-” But her lips were on his, her tongue delving into his mouth, before he could even get out the words.

Royal Heartthrob? Barry Allen Lands Coveted Lead Role in Romantic Fantasy ‘A Royal Affair’

The lights were off when Iris walked through the front doors, and she looked around in surprise. She’d received a message from Barry to meet her at the cozy restaurant for dinner, but there seemed to be nobody there.

“Hello? Anybody there?” she called out, wondering if she’d gotten the day or time wrong.

“Can’t say how the days will unfold. Can’t say what the future may hold. But I want you in it. Every hour, every minute.”

She recognized Barry’s voice as soon as he started to sing and turned towards the sound just as waiters dressed in black unobtrusively stepped forward and lit candles until the entire restaurant was lit by a warm glow. Then they melted into the shadows again, leaving Iris and Barry alone.

“This world can race by far too fast. Hard to see while it’s all flying past. But it’s clear now, when you’re standing here now. I am meant to be wherever you are next to me.”

“Barry, what is this?” she asked, looking at the table, shrouded in white-linens and covered with rose petals. Had he rented out the entire restaurant?

“All I want to do is come running home to you. Come running home to you. And all my life I promise to keep running home to you. Keep running home to you.” As she watched, he got down on one knee and pulled his mother’s engagement ring out of his pocket. Iris caught her breath as he held it out to her, his hands trembling softly.

“And I could see it right from the start, right from the start. That you would be my light in the dark, light in the dark. Oh, you gave me no other choice but to love you.”

Iris didn’t realize when she’d placed her hands over her mouth, but she felt her smile against her fingertips. Seeing her expression, he stopped singing just long enough to say, “I told you. Every song I write is for you. And they always will be.”

“All I want to do is come running home to you. Come running home to you. And all my life I promise to keep running home to you. Keep running home, home to you.

“Can’t say how the days will unfold. Can’t change what the future may hold. But I want you in it. Every hour, every minute.”

As his song came to an end, she stifled her laugh with her hands. “You know, in a sense, we’re already engaged. We’ve been engaged this whole time.”

Barry grinned. “Yeah, but that was when I was pretending it was all an act. You deserve a proposal that’s real. Iris West, will you marry me? For real this time?”

She nodded. “Oh, Barry. Of course I will.”

Iris West and Publicist Linda Park Launch New Image Consultant Service, ParkWest Consulting

“It looks like our opening announcement was a big success. What do you think?” Linda cried happily as she looked around at the tables of friends, colleagues, and potential clients who had come out to celebrate their new venture. “Hold that thought. I should touch base with Eddie.” Eddie Thawne had become a good friend since their one pretend-date, and he had agreed to be their first official client. He had also been the one to suggest they set him up with Patty Spivot, if she agreed to engage in the ruse. She was still struggling to rehabilitate her image, and he’d thought they could solve each other’s problems. And since everyone had seen pictures of the two of them talking at the art show, the ground work had already been laid. “If we want to get people talking about him and Patty, making them the new It Couple, we want to make sure everyone sees them together tonight. No rest for the wicked, right?”

As she left the table, Iris breathed a sigh of relief. “You know, there were times I was halfway convinced we’d never get here. It’s still pretty scary when I think about it too long.”

Barry pressed a kiss against her lips and murmured, “Really? I never had any doubt. I knew you could do it.”

“Yeah, but you’re not exactly unbiased.”

He shrugged. “True. But I was also technically your first client, so I knew what you were capable of.” Seeing the nervousness that still lingered, he brushed his thumb along the curve of her cheek. “Remaking an image isn’t about selling a lie, at least not to you. For you, it’s about letting people show who they really are. And that’s why you’re so good at this. It’s why I never doubted you would make this a success.”

She chuckled, pressing her cheek against his shoulder. “I appreciate the vote of confidence, but if that’s true, why do I still feel like I have a million butterflies ricocheting around my stomach?”

“Ah, well. That just means you need a distraction, Princess.” Under the tablecloth, he slowly slid his hand between her legs, his fingers inching up the hem of her dress.

Iris’s eyes went wide as she covered his hand with her own. “You wouldn’t!” she breathed, scandalized and – almost against her will – getting aroused at the thought. And the memory.

Barry’s smile was a wicked reminder of the night their former charade all began, when he reminded her he wasn’t wholesome – and implied he didn’t want to be. “Wanna bet?”

His fingers started to stroke her through her panties and Iris had to stifle her gasp of arousal. “This is getting to be…a very bad…habit,” she moaned against his shoulder, pressing against him as he pressed his lips against the top of her head to stifle his responding laughter.

EXCLUSIVE IMAGES of Top-Secret West-Allen Oceanside Wedding!

“You seem lost in thought tonight,” Iris murmured as she curled up against him, her head rested next to his on his pillow. “Everything okay?” Stroking the line that had formed between his brows, she teased him, “You’re not regretting this marriage already, are you? It’s only been...what...six hours?”

“Of course not,” he replied quickly, though the frown line disappeared. “I was just…I was thinking about how we got here.”

“Ah, definitely a topic that should bring on grumpy face,” she said with mock seriousness, though the corners of her mouth twitched with a suppressed smile.

He chucked a brushed a kiss against the tip of her nose. “Okay, maybe not. But I was just thinking…earlier today, when I was standing up there, just waiting for the first glimpse of you. Halfway afraid you’d come to your senses and make a break for it. I realized that I made you a promise and I failed to live up to it.”

Her humor fading, Iris frowned, shifting her head on the pillow. “What do you mean?” she asked softly. “I don’t remember you breaking any promises.”

“I swore I would be there with you every step of the way, and then I just ended things. I hurt you, and I can’t forgive myself for that.”

Iris lifted a hand to brush his hair back from his forehead. “But babe, you said it yourself. You didn’t know –”

“I still broke my promise. I still hurt you.”

Pursing her lips, Iris thought over his words. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I broke a promise, too.” At his confused expression, she continued, “I promised myself I wouldn’t fall in love with you and look what happened.”

Barry let out a surprised bark of laughter. “That’s not – Is that supposed to make me feel better? You realize that’s completely different, right?”

Her grin was mischievous as she threw her leg over his hips and lifted herself over him. “I thought it would make you feel better to know we’ve both made mistakes.”

Barry smiled in return. “Honey, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you really kinda suck at this pep talk thing.”

“Then I guess you’ll have to spend the rest of your life making your broken promise up to me, and I’ll have to spend the rest of my life making my sucky pep talks up to you. Does that sound fair?” she asked, shrugging out of the straps of her nightgown, letting it fall to a pool over her thighs.

Barry felt himself grow hard again and lifted his hand to her shoulders, gliding one slowly down her body to stroke her breasts. He linked his other hand in hers, stroking the gleaming golden band that symbolized the lifetime of love ahead of them. The reminder that the man who once believed he could never have a normal relationship had found a love that would last forever. He wanted to memorize this moment and her beauty, to carry them with him for the rest of his life. “Yeah,” he agreed, rocking against her until her head fell back with a gasp. “That sounds fair.”

#a lie told often enough #fanfiction #my fanfiction #barry allen #iris west #westallen #rock star au

[90simaginesandfanfics]

Cradle Broken Glass - Chapter Sixty

Shopping was never exactly Layla’s forte. She could barely even keep the sigh from leaving her lips when Ash pulled her to yet another boutique in the city. Ever since she had found out about the engagement, Ash had pulled her into full bridesmaid mode, where everyday since telling her they had gone hunting for everything needed. Ash already had a location in mind to use for the ceremony and reception, and Jeff had already bought suits and everything he needed. Layla had been dragged along to a bakery and wedding shop to order a cake and buy table settings. And now, Ash was forcing her to buy her bridesmaid dress. She wouldn’t have minded so much but she was in no way ready to dress up like a princess.

Since it had come to light that Eddie was going to be the best man at the wedding - meaning she would have to see him again for the first time in two years -  her thoughts were giving her mild anxiety. She had been avoiding him so far, since the planning for the wedding was rushed so everyone in the wedding party had different tasks that they were all doing separately. But she knew sooner or later she was going to have to see him again and it terrified her. 

What if he had a girlfriend that he was bringing to the wedding? What if he barely even looked at her? What if he didn’t care at all that she was there? She didn’t know what she wanted him to do. But one thing she had to make sure of was that she looked good. Which was exactly why shopping for a dress was freaking her out so much. She needed to look fucking amazing to show him that she was doing fine. She had too much pride to let him know that she was still a fucking mess. When they had first broken up she had put a bit of weight on (which was an insult to injury since she was already insecure about her curves), and it had gotten worse when he had tried to talk to her through harassing Ash after she got that flight back from Seattle. She had spent the past year trying to lose it, and even though she had half succeeded, it would still feel like a kick in the teeth to not look her best when he saw her all dolled up.

“What about this one?” Ash said excitedly, effectively pulling Layla out of her reverie, and forcing her to come back to the real world. She looked at the dress that Ash was holding out and grimaced slightly. Ash sighed and went back to picking something out.

“Look, it’s your wedding, so I will wear whatever you want me to. I want you to be happy so it doesn’t matter if I like the dress or not, I’ll try that one on if you like it.” Layla responded, feeling bad for not liking anything that Ash was going for. The colour theme her and Jeff had gone for was a pastel blue, nearly white, and it was absolutely stunning for all the decorations that they were planning for the ceremony and reception. But it seemed like every dress in that colour that they had found was dreary and old fashioned.

“No. I want you to love the dress and feel comfortable. You’re my best friend in the world and you’re opinion means everything. I mean, if it wasn’t for you I would have bought those horrible centerpieces the other day and that would have been a fucking disaster!” Ash said and Layla laughed along with her while she started to browse through the racks, still not finding anything. Until she saw a piece of fabric with the colour she was looking for and pulled it from the racks, turning and showing Ash.

“Fuck. I need to see you in that!” Ash squealed excitedly, and Layla followed along with her. They both made their way to the dressing rooms and Layla practically ripped her clothes off to get the dress on. A small part of her brain told her that while the dress was beautiful, there was no way it was going to look good on her body, but she squashed it down, telling herself that even if she looked shit, at least the dress was great for the wedding. Yet as she zipped up the back, she looked in the mirror and felt like crying. 

She had never seen herself so good before, and it made her feel amazing. Her rich chestnut hair flowed over her shoulders perfectly to accentuate the off the shoulder dress. It was the lightest pastel blue she had ever seen, the sweetheart neckline giving her ample cleavage and the almost jersey fabric style cinched her waist in perfectly. There was a slit going down on side which gave her more room and made the whole thing look seductive. She breathed in and opened the curtain to show Ash.

“What the fuck! You cannot wear that or I’m going to look upstaged at my own fucking wedding!” Ash screamed, causing multiple women to look out way in the store, but Layla could hardly care as her and her friend grinned at each other.

“You like it?” She asked apprehensively.

“I fucking love it. Geez, Jeff might even leave me for you, who knows.” They both laughed at each other before Layla went behind the curtain to get changed again. They went to the front of the store and paid for the dress and alterations as well as ordering two others for Ash’s cousins who were stepping in as bridesmaids. She didn’t really want anyone up there other than Layla, but since Jeff was having Stone and Mike as groomsmen, she didn’t really want it to look imbalanced. 

Layla was on cloud nine as they left.

*****

“How’s my favourite mountain man?” Layla practically screamed as her and Ash walked through the front door, effectively scaring the shit out of Jeff who jumped three feet out of his bones. He turned around to offer her a glare before he practically ran over to Ash and planted a sloppy kiss on her mouth.

“Much better now.” He said as he batted his eyes at her best friend, making Layla gag.

“Well it better be food I’m smelling because I’m hungry as fuck.” Ash said before she proceeded towards the kitchen and started to stir the pot that Jeff had on the stove. Layla sat down on the couch and he joined soon after, with Ash’s humming from the kitchen being the only thing to be heard.

“You okay?” he asked to break the silence and she pondered for a minute what exactly he what referring to. Either way she didn’t know how to respond honestly. Even though her and Ash being best friends had meant she saw Jeff, she wasn’t as close to him as she once was since she didn’t want the constant reminder of her ex. She could often sense Jeff wanted to talk more but she cut the conversation off usually since she knew where it was heading and she didn’t like it. Yet she couldn’t help but feel like she’d lost a brother since the breakup but she didn’t know what to do about it. Her relationship with Stone and Mike was even worse, seeing as she had only seen them a handful of times since and its was extremely uncomfortable.

It was one thing she was still bitter about. It had seemed like Eddie didn’t want them to still be friends with her, and even though they she still talked to the boys, he had essentially gotten his wish.

“I’m alright. Just tired after shopping all day. Your fiancee is like a hamster on crack when it comes to it.” She responded, hoping he would take the hint and change the subject.

“I mean, are you okay, you know, with everything?” He reiterated with a soft voice she had missed. It was the one he used whenever she was in a bad place and was trying to comfort her. It didn’t bring her any comfort now, knowing it came from pity most likely.

“Jeff, I’m completely and utterly fine. No need to have a heart to heart about it.” She said, being blunt and hoping he wouldn’t continue the conversation on the way it was going..

“Okay, okay, I’m butting out.” He laughed and Layla’s body instantly filled with affection for the man who had been her rock since she had moved to Seattle. Jeff gave her a kind smile before getting up and walking to the kitchen, most likely to check on Ash. But as he got to the doorway, he turned around.

“If it makes you feel any better, he’s a nervous wreck right now. I know he’s my friend and all, but you having your shit together would make him breakdown more than he already is and I would pay to see that.” He finished with another smile and then walked into the kitchen.

Layla sat there stunned, not knowing how to process that information, whether she was happy or sad about it. But she couldn’t help but let a small amount of bitterness set into her as she watched Jeff and Ash kissing and laughing in the kitchen, all loved up. She hated her jealousy.

*****

Eddie and Layla are finally going to meet again in the next chapter! How do you think it’s going to go? Hope you all enjoyed and sending positive vibes all your way xxx

#eddie vedder #Eddie Vedder Fanfic #eddie vedder fanfiction #Pearl Jam #pearl jam fanfic #pearl jam fanfiction #grunge #grunge fanfic #grunge fanfiction #imagine #imagines #fanfiction #fanfic #oneshot #90s #soundgarden #alice in chains #nirvana #cradle broken glass

[readingsanctuary]

I started the month in a really bad reading slump, so my main goal for the month was to get over that. Thankfully I successfully revived my love and enthusiasm for reading, and managed to have a really successful reading month. I’ve never read so many books in a month before in my entire life, and I’m feeling really good about it. I picked up what I felt like, and that meant I read a lot of graphic novels.

The House with Chicken Legs – by Sophie Anderson

All 12-year-old Marinka wants is a friend. A real friend. Not like her house with chicken legs. Sure, the house can play games like tag and hide-and-seek, but Marinka longs for a human companion. Someone she can talk to and share secrets with. 

But that’s tough when your grandmother is a Yaga, a guardian who guides the dead into the afterlife. It’s even harder when you live in a house that wanders all over the world . . . carrying you with it. Even worse, Marinka is being trained to be a Yaga. That means no school, no parties–and no playmates that stick around for more than a day. 

So when Marinka stumbles across the chance to make a real friend, she breaks all the rules . . . with devastating consequences. Her beloved grandmother mysteriously disappears, and it’s up to Marinka to find her–even if it means making a dangerous journey to the afterlife. 

With a mix of whimsy, humor, and adventure, this debut novel will wrap itself around your heart and never let go.

This was such a quick, enjoyable read, and an interesting twist on the Baba Yaga story. It’s such a whimsical story, I loved all the interesting details that were woven throughout the book. I was quickly absorbed by Marinka’s life, and invested in her story. There are some really interesting themes explored throughout, and Marinka’s reactions always felt really genuine. I loved watching her character develop and grow throughout the story as she came to terms with her situation, and explored her identity. I can see why this book was released to so much praise, I’m just so glad I picked it up.

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Their Fractured Light – by Amie Kaufman & Megan Spooner

A year ago, Flynn Cormac and Jubilee Chase made the now-infamous Avon Broadcast, calling on the galaxy to witness LaRoux Industries’ corruption. A year before that, Tarver Merendsen and Lilac LaRoux were the only survivors of the Icarus shipwreck, forced to live a double life after their rescue.

Now, at the center of the galaxy on Corinth, all four are about to collide with two new players in the fight against LRI. Gideon Marchant is an underworld hacker known as the Knave of Hearts, ready to climb and abseil his way past the best security measures on the planet to expose LRI’s atrocities. Sofia Quinn, charming con artist, can work her way into any stronghold without missing a beat. When a foiled attempt to infiltrate LRI Headquarters forces them into a fragile alliance, it’s impossible to know who’s playing whom–and whether they can ever learn to trust each other. With their lives, loves, and loyalties at stake, only by joining forces with the Icarus survivors and Avon’s protectors do they stand a chance of taking down the most powerful corporation in the galaxy—before LRI’s secrets destroy them all. The New York Times best-selling Starbound trilogy comes to a close with this dazzling final installment about the power of courage and hope in humanity’s darkest hour.

This book took me so long to read, it just seemed to go on forever. I know that this is mostly because of my reading slump which hit right as I was reading this book, but I also feel like a lot of this book was about moving the characters towards a meeting point where they could then go on and finish the story. It almost feels like it could have been two books in that sense. One following Sophia and Gideon, and then a final book following all the characters once they meet.

Rating: 3.5 Stars

Before She Ignites – by Jodi Meadows

Before

Mira Minkoba is the Hopebearer. Since the day she was born, she’s been told she’s special. Important. Perfect. She’s known across the Fallen Isles not just for her beauty, but for the Mira Treaty named after her, a peace agreement which united the seven islands against their enemies on the mainland.

But Mira has never felt as perfect as everyone says. She counts compulsively. She struggles with crippling anxiety. And she’s far too interested in dragons for a girl of her station.

After

Then Mira discovers an explosive secret that challenges everything she and the Treaty stand for. Betrayed by the very people she spent her life serving, Mira is sentenced to the Pit–the deadliest prison in the Fallen Isles. There, a cruel guard would do anything to discover the secret she would die to protect.

No longer beholden to those who betrayed her, Mira must learn to survive on her own and unearth the dark truths about the Fallen Isles–and herself–before her very world begins to collapse.

Why aren’t more people talking about this book? It’s just so good, I loved every minute of it. I’m actually kind of mad that I don’t have the second book ready to start right away, but I will be pre-ordering that very soon. There is so much that I like about this book, firstly, this book has actual dragons in it!

Rating: 5 Stars

Bruja Born – by Zoraida Cordova

Three sisters. One spell. Countless dead.

Lula Mortiz feels like an outsider. Her sister’s newfound Encantrix powers have wounded her in ways that Lula’s bruja healing powers can’t fix, and she longs for the comfort her family once brought her. Thank the Deos for Maks, her sweet, steady boyfriend who sees the beauty within her and brings light to her life.

Then a bus crash turns Lula’s world upside down. Her classmates are all dead, including Maks. But Lula was born to heal, to fix. She can bring Maks back, even if it means seeking help from her sisters and defying Death herself. But magic that defies the laws of the deos is dangerous. Unpredictable. And when the dust settles, Maks isn’t the only one who’s been brought back…

This was everything I hoped it would be. I really enjoyed seeing more of the world in this book. I really love the magic system and the world building. I was worried about whether I would enjoy Lula’s perspective as much as I did Alex’s, but I needn’t have worried. This book was fantastic, and I already can’t wait for the next one.

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – by

A brand new edition of this essential companion to the Harry Potter stories, with a new foreword from J.K. Rowling (writing as Newt Scamander), and 6 new beasts!

A set textbook at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry since publication, Newt Scamander’s masterpiece has entertained wizarding families through the generations. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is an indispensable introduction to the magical beasts of the wizarding world. Scamander’s years of travel and research have created a tome of unparalleled importance. Some of the beasts will be familiar to readers of the Harry Potter books – the Hippogriff, the Basilisk, the Hungarian Horntail…Others will surprise even the most ardent amateur Magizoologist. Dip in to discover the curious habits of magical beasts across five continents…

I borrowed the audiobook from my local library, and I really enjoyed it. I wasn’t sure if this book could work well as an audiobook, but it really does. It’s narrated excellently by Eddie Redmayne, who is in character as Newt Scamander for the entire book. The whole thing is just really well done.

Rating: 4 Stars

Giant Days: volume 4

It’s springtime at Sheffield University — the flowers are blooming, the birds are singing, and fast-pals Susan, Esther and Daisy continue to survive their freshman year of college. Susan is barely dealing with her recent breakup with McGraw, Esther is considering dropping out of school, and Daisy is trying to keep everyone and everything from falling apart! Combined with house-hunting, indie film festivals, and online dating, can the girls make it to second year?

The Eisner Award-nominated series from John Allison (Bad Machinery, Scary Go Round) with artist Max Sarin delivers another delightful slice-of-life adventure in Giant Days Volume 4. Collects issues 13-16.

This was a birthday gift from my auntie, and I was so excited that I read it that same day. I loved it just as much as the previous volumes. It’s highly entertaining, and I definitely consider this to be one of my favourite graphic novel series.

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Giant Days – by Non Pratt

Based on the hit graphic-novel series from BOOM! Studios, the publisher behind Lumberjanes, Giant Days follows the hilarious and heartfelt misadventures of three university first-years: Daisy, the innocent home-schooled girl; Susan, the sardonic wit; and Esther, the vivacious drama queen. While the girls seem very different, they become fast friends during their first week of university. And it’s a good thing they do, because in the giant adventure that is college, a friend who has your back is key–something Daisy discovers when she gets a little too involved in her extracurricular club, the Yogic Brethren of Zoise. When she starts acting strange and life around campus gets even stranger (missing students, secret handshakes, monogrammed robes everywhere . . .), Esther and Susan decide it’s up to them to investigate the weirdness and save their friend.

I really enjoyed this book, and was so happy when it lived up to the awesomeness of the comics. Non Pratt has done a fantastic job of writing something that can stand alone from the comics, while matching the tone of the comics, and making subtle nods to the source material.

My Review

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Giant Days: volume 5

Going off to university is always a time of change and growth, but for Esther, Susan, and Daisy, things are about to get a little weird.

Their freshman year is finally coming to a close and Daisy, Susan, and Esther say goodbye to Catterick Hall forever. Literally forever. It’s being bulldozed and re-purposed as a luxury dorm next semester. But as one door closes, another opens and between end of semester hookups, music festivals, and moving into their first home together, the life experiences are just getting started.

Written by Eisner Award nominee John Allison (Bad Machinery, Scary Go Round) and illustrated by Max Sarin, Giant Days Volume 5 finishes off freshman year in style, collecting issues #17-20 of the Eisner and Harvey Award-nominated series.

I’ve already said how much I love this series, and this volume changes nothing. It’s great. I love that they are showing the passage of time, and allowing the characters to move forward and progress through life. I’m really looking forward to finding out what the girls will get up to in their second year of university.

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Ms Marvel: volume 9 – by G. Willow Wilson, Nico Leon

Kamala Khan has vanished! But where has she gone, and why? Jersey City still has a need for heroes, and in the wake of Ms. Marvel’s disappearance, dozens have begun stepping up to the plate. The city’s newest super hero Red Dagger and even ordinary citizens attempt to carry on the brave fight in Kamala’s honor. Somehow, Ms. Marvel is nowhere…but also everywhere at once! Absent but not forgotten, Ms. Marvel has forged a heroic legacy to be proud of. But when an old enemy re-emerges, will anyone be powerful enough to truly carry the Ms. Marvel legacy – except Kamala herself?

COLLECTING: MS. MARVEL 25-30

This is another of my favourite ongoing graphic novel series’, and one of the only Marvel titles that I’m interested in keeping up with. I really enjoyed this volume. I liked that they focused on Kamala’s friends, and how they cope without her while also covering for the missing Ms Marvel. It was a lot of fun, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Rating: 4 Stars

Ancient Magus Bride volumes 2,3,4,5

Great power comes at a price…

Chise Hatori’s life has recently undergone shocking change. As a sleigh beggy–a person capable of generating and wielding tremendous magical power–she has transformed from an unwanted child to a magician’s apprentice who has been introduced to fae royalty. But Chise’s newly discovered abilities also mean a cruel fate awaits her.

I’m really enjoying this manga series, the anime is a pretty faithful adaptation so far, so no surprises, but I love the art, and I’m really enjoying reading the source material. I especially loved all the tiny details and explanations that weren’t in the anime, that really add to the story. I loved the anime, but I feel like I’m getting to know the characters and the world a bit better in this format, and I really like that. I love the magic, and the large, interesting world that’s being set out in these books. Also, I really like the bonus content in the collected volumes, it makes me so happy.

Ratings: 4 – 4.5 Stars

Sorry this post is a month late, I don’t know why I didn’t post it sooner, it’s been ready for a while. I’ve been such a mess this past month, I need to be more organised.

Want to chat, about books or anything else, here are some other places you can find me:

Twitter @reading_escape

Instagram: @readingsanctuary

Goodreads

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August Reading Wrap Up I started the month in a really bad reading slump, so my main goal for the month was to get over that.

#book blog #book blogger #book recommendations #Book Review #bookish #books #bookworm #reading wrap up #Review #YA #ya books #young adult #young adult books

[lover-of-mine]

So i was thinking earlier, and if you've been around here any length of time you know i think about that cemetery scene a lot, because narratively it's a very interesting scene because it changes the tone of their relationship in comparison to the rest of the show really, and it's a fascinating choice in the context of the episodes before. Even the whole point of the conversation happening at a cemetery where they're visiting someone who didn't die on their watch. But i have a tendency to look at that scene from Eddie's eyes because when you look at it along with all of Eddie's reactions surrounding Buck's death and the reactions Eddie was having to Buck's words, that feels like a breakup. It feels like we are watching Eddie's heart break in real time, yk? BUT Buck is very purposeful in that scene too. He's basically daring Eddie to say something but Eddie just thinks that he needs to agree. And if you look at it that way and think about it as Buck asking for a reaction, you can argue Buck feels rejected there too, even though Eddie thinks he's being supportive. They are saying things and they are being misinterpreted. Both of them leave that talk with different views of what happened. And that's VERY interesting with how strongly the show pushed Buck, Eddie and Chris as a family unity in the episodes before and, well, i dont really know how the show plans to recover from that. If they plan on addressing it at all. Like, that was a breakup. But if it's a breakup where both of them think they got broken up with, how do you come back? You need to acknowledge it in some way. Even more with the space that was put between the two of them. But it's a good thing because the space can be used for some individual growth they need to do in order for the relationship to actually work long term. Mainly Buck learning to deal with his own feelings and asking for things and Eddie stopping assuming he knows best and making unilateral choices for both of them with the "I knew you wouldn't" excuse (and Buck stopping letting him get away with it). And the only way they come back from it in a satisfying way is for them to actually acknowledge the fact that they are not actually in each other's minds and sometimes things will get lost in translation and that addressing them doesn't need to be a public blowout (I think there's a lingering thing about how the last time they truly were on different sides of an argument, things got completely out of both of their control). The only way to bring them back is to talk about why there's space in the first place. And well, I live in delusionland, I will always look at things in a narrative lens trying to figure out how does that further the plot in a way that gets them together. And if the cemetery is really supposed to be seen as a breakup of sorts, unless they are planning on perpetually separating Buck and Eddie's plots (which particularly, I think it's a dumb move, not even just as a shipper, but because they have a fascinating relationship no matter how you look at it and losing that would take a toll on the overall way to look at both of them), they will have to talk about it. That scene is too long and too purposeful to be the type of thing that will be ignored.

#or maybe it will never be talked about and this is the downfall of buddie #anyway #i typed a version of this on the tags of my previous set but tumblr ate half my point kspakapakapa #so have this now #buddie thoughts #at this point I should have a cemetery tag lol #911

[stupid-richie]

Kept Promises

Sequel to Broken Promises // Angst, alcohol mention, fear of abuse // They are 17 ish

WC: 1955

Summary: Why is Richie such an asshole?

Read on AO3

It feels like it’s been three hours since Eddie checked his watch, but when he looks, it hasn’t even been a full minute.

He’s sifted through a million scenarios in his head. Maybe Henry Bowers saw Richie walking to the diner and dragged him off to beat him. Maybe Richie got hit by a car. Maybe one of the other losers is hurt and Eddie doesn’t know. Maybe Richie’s parents took it a step too far and hurt him worse than they ever have.

It’s nine o’ clock.

Richie is two hours late and Eddie can’t just sit there anymore, he has to find out if he’s okay. A small part of him wonders if Richie didn’t show up on purpose, but he pushes it down. No matter what, Richie has never missed a date. Even if he’s bleeding or looks ready to collapse, he always comes. Something has to be wrong.

After paying the cheap bill for the milkshake he’s been drinking, Eddie walks outside. He’ll go to Richie’s house first, see if he’s there or maybe his parents know where he is. Eddie takes a deep breath as he quickly crosses the sidewalk at an intersection. Panicking will do him no good.

Then he sees Richie and Bev walking together.

“Richard fucking Tozier!” He yells, feeling a sick sense of satisfaction at how afraid Richie looks to see him there. Richie deserves to be scared of getting caught.

When he comes closer, Eddie sees the cigarette in Richie’s hand, smells the alcohol on him. It’s like a punch in the stomach. Richie promised to stop smoking and drinking. Now, here he is with Bev after missing dinner, and doing both things.

“I thought maybe you got hurt, or something, because you weren’t answering your phone! I was worried sick about you! I didn’t think you were so low you’d ditch me!”

Richie has the decency to appear sorry, something that only fuels the emotions that are taking Eddie over.

“Eds, I-“

He has no right, no fucking right to call him Eds right now.

“Don’t ‘Eds’ me! You’ve been drinking, Richie. And now you’re smoking again. You promised me you quit!”

Eddie is hurt, and he’s mad, and it feels like all the air is gone from his lungs. He can barely see straight. Behind Richie, Bev is staring at them in shock. She didn’t know Richie was supposed to be with Eddie, that much is clear.

He shoves Richie. Hard.

Hard enough to make Richie- six foot two, built-like-a-rock Richie- stumble.

“Did you seriously just fucking push me?”

An apology comes to the tip of Eddie’s tongue. He feels disgusted with himself because he just shoved his boyfriend. He just shoved his best friend. Instead of saying he’s sorry, Eddie just yells again.

“I waited for you for two hours!”

The second the words leave his mouth, Richie straightens his back. The tendons in his jaw stand out as he clenches his teeth. Richie’s fists, which Eddie has seen break noses, are tightly curled at his sides. His cheeks are red and there’s a fire in his eyes that makes him unrecognizable.

“Rich? Babe?”

Richie doesn’t seem to hear him. He takes a step forward and Eddie automatically reacts the way he always does to a threat. He backs up. Covers his face. Prays.

Beverly starts yelling Richie’s name and telling him to calm down. Eddie would too, he usually does, but Richie’s never been this angry with him. He’s never been this angry, period. The only thing Eddie can think is that this is how he’s going to die.  He’s going to die on the sidewalk because he shoved his boyfriend and said boyfriend is going to kill him.

Then Richie meets Eddie’s eyes, and seems to come to his senses. He turns to Beverly. All the color drains from his face, and his rage fades. Once again, Richie has regret in his eyes, but there’s tiredness beneath it.

“Do you seriously think I would ever lay a hand on you, Eds?”

“I don’t know what to think! You’re always off getting drunk off your ass or smoking and you always promise me you’re gonna quit and then you’re off doing that instead of coming to our Anniversary Dinner!”

Then Richie gives his reason why.

For a second, Eddie swears his heart stops. This can’t be real, this can’t be right. He starts crying before his brain can process that Richie isn’t joking.

“What?”

“You fucking heard me, babe. I want to break up. I don’t want to see you anymore. I’ll drop off your shit tomorrow.”

Something’s really wrong because Richie sounds so cold, almost defeated. He’s not smiling. The cigarette dangling from his fingers, forgotten until that moment, curls plumes of smoke around his wrist that Richie seems fascinated by.

“I don’t want it back,” Eddie says as loudly as he can manage, which is barely louder than a breath. “I don’t want anything you’ve touched. Don’t ever fucking talk to me again. I mean it.”

Eddie doesn’t mean it.

One of Beverly’s arms falls around his shoulders as she leads him away. They’re going back to her house, where Richie just spent the evening he was supposed spend with Eddie. He can’t walk into that apartment. Thinking about it makes him want to cry.

“I’m just gonna go home, I can’t tonight,” he chokes out, shrugging out from under Beverly’s arm.

She calls after him, but he just runs. Somewhere along the way, he’ll figure out where he’s going. He can’t go to Richie’s like he normally does. He can’t go home or to Bev’s and look at the things that Richie has held or touched or made. Ben and Mike are at the library together. Bill’s at Stan’s house. There’s nowhere to go. Eddie has no one to turn to.

So he eventually winds up at the quarry. It’s too quiet without the other losers at his side, but it’s nice to be alone while he sorts through his thoughts.

Richie missed dinner because he was drinking with Bev. Then Eddie shoved him. For a moment, he genuinely thought Richie would hurt him. And now, they aren’t together.

Those are the facts, solid and indisputable. Eddie just doesn’t understand why. They were so happy, and they had plans for the future and earlier that same day Richie told Eddie how much he loves him. What happened that caused this? Why would he suddenly just throw away everything they’ve worked so hard to build together? It just doesn’t make sense.

Even though Richie never makes much sense, he has a pattern. Everything he does is predictable when you know him well enough. There’s order in the chaos, one of the things that Eddie’s always loved about him. But this breakup out of the blue- it isn’t like Richie and Eddie wants to believe that there’s some outside factor that made Richie do it. Someone was pressuring or threatening him.

That’s what he wants to believe, yet he knows it isn’t true. Nothing and no one scares Richie. Coming to terms with that realization makes the tears he finally managed to chase away come back full force. Richie did this because he wanted to break up, simple as that.

Eddie gets to his feet, brushes the dirt off of his pants, and walks home.

Three weeks later, it still hurts more than Eddie thinks it should. He needs to move on, but it’s just too hard. Every day at school, he sees Richie, laughing with a new group of friends, one arm around a short brunette with fishnets and hair cropped close to her head. Of course Richie left him for a girl. He always knew, deep down, that Richie liked girls more, or at least too. Still, to see Richie moving on so quickly, and with some girl who’s all over him is painful.

The other losers aren’t happy either; Richie abandoned all of them, not just Eddie. They’re worried too, because he looks worse every time they see him. His eyes get dark bags beneath them, his clothes become too loose, and he comes to school hung over or still drunk more often than not. Serves him right to be a mess, but they still don’t want him to fall apart.

Eddie, in the middle of the fourth week after their break up, catches Richie after school before his new girlfriend can. “We need to talk.”

“About what? We’re not together anymore, Eddie. I’m not your friend,” Richie growls, but doesn’t resist being dragged back into the school.

Pretending he isn’t hurt, Eddie takes Richie to the fourth floor janitor closet, where no one ever bothered them when they snuck out of class to talk or when they were avoiding Henry. At one point, Eddie had cleaned it up and made it into a comfy nook. The blankets and stolen pillows have a thin layer of dust on them.

“What do you want? I’m my girlfriend’s ride home, so I can’t stick around here, Eds.”

Girlfriend. Eds. Both words make Eddie’s stomach do somersaults.

“You owe everyone an explanation. You owe me an explanation. Seriously, Richie, what the fuck happened? You abandoned all of us!”

Richie won’t even look at him.

“Just tell me. Even if it was something stupid, just tell me what I did that made you hate me,” Eddie whispers.

“I don’t hate you. I could never hate you, Eds. Ever.”

“Then what happened?”

Richie’s eyes are still on the ground, and if Eddie didn’t know any better, he’d say that Richie’s going to cry. His eyes are glassy and his bottom lip is quivering, but Richie doesn’t cry. No one’s ever seen him do it.

“It’s not you I hate. I hate me, I hate that I’m not good enough for you or any of our friends. I hate that I keep breaking my promises to you. I hate that you deserve better. I hate that I hurt you. I hate that everytime I see you, I just want to kiss you and say I’m sorry.”

Then he starts crying. No, not crying. Sobbing. Richie covers his face with his hands and shakes and makes these pathetic, heart wrenching sounds. Eddie can’t remember ever seeing Richie like this before. He doesn’t know what to do.

“Rich? How do I help?”

Richie shakes his head, and drops his hands to open the closet door. He can’t hide the splotches on his cheeks or the teardrops still clinging to his long lashes. In baggy clothes, with unwashed hair, lips chapped, eyes dark with bags, and face tearstained, he looks awful.

“You look like you just got dragged through hell.”

“I have been,” Richie says solemnly. It’s not a joke, it has no punchline. “That’s where I’ve been for a month.”

He starts fast-walking down the now empty hallway, trying to go somewhere he can hide his emotions. That’s something he’s always been good at- hiding how he feels.

“Rich, stop. Please.”

Miraculously, he does. He stops dead. Richie doesn’t turn around or say anything, but he waits for Eddie to catch up. In the empty hallways, his heavy, shaky breathing  is louder than it should be. He’s poised to run.

But Eddy won’t let him run away again. He’s not going to lose Richie twice.

He runs to Richie and wraps his arms around him, pulling him in for a tight hug. Richie cries harder against Eddie’s shoulder, hands tightly clinging to Eddie’s soft shirt. The two of them stay there for a long time, holding onto each other while Richie sobs apologies and Eddie comforts him.

“You’re more than good enough, Rich. I promise.”

#reddie #it #it movie 2017 #richie tozier #Eddie kaspbrak #fic #mine