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all-things-fic · 4 years

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Spoilin’ for a Fight

A/N: Happy Sunday loves! Hope you’ve all had a lovely and restful weekend. No, your eyes aren’t deceiving you... I have indeed (finally) posted another piece of writing. Here’s 6.7k of Harry riling up his partner all because of a bloody vest.

Thank you as always for all the love and patience everyone has given me. Especially @waitingfortwilight, @haute-romance-quotidienne and @harryfeatgaga. Hopefully this lives up to any hype the sneak peek created! I’m going to disappear again .x

***

You rolled your lips into your mouth as you watched him walk his way around your master bedroom. His movements were confidently familiar as he tucked his vest into the waistband of his white boxer-briefs and kept his eyes down to the dress shirt and trousers he had laid out across your bedspread, sitting next to choice accessories.

He was running late. Both you and he knew it. Yet the leisurely motions he undertook would never have told you that if you didn’t already know. The way he had taken longer in the shower, carelessly stepped out of the towel (and stepped over it too, meaning the item was now damp and in a bunched up pile closer to Harry’s side of the bed waiting for someone to put it in the laundry basket) and meandered his way through getting ready.

Boxers first, then black ankle socks. Then the bloody vest.

You exhaled through your nose, trying not to release a breath that would catch his attention and let him know that you were becoming slightly vexed by how lackadaisical he was choosing to be.

The vest had to go.

Not even in a sexual way either.

And it wasn’t the fact that it just wasn’t doing it for you - on the contrary it was quite the opposite, the tight item clearly letting you ogle and appreciate the fine specimen you were proud to call your partner - but it was just how much of grandad-move it was.

You understood how having some sort of undershirt kept his actual shirt looking pristine acting as a defensive layer between his body and his clothing.

But, the vest had to go.

It just had to.

Blindly reaching down to your dresser for your tube of mascara, you unscrewed the gold lid and coated the wand with product.

Mouth slightly fallen, you washed your lashes with the High Density Black mascara and quickly made the switch to the other eye making sure to get your bottom lashes too.

Looking at Harry through the mirror, you wondered what he could be debating as he stood silently in the middle of the room. A soft frown traced his brow, his eyes looking down at the bed. His hands were digging into his waist, as his lips jutted slightly in thought.

Your conclusion was that he was debating his outfit choice for the evening.

Lid gently screwed back on, you placed your mascara into your cosmetic vanity, before then reaching out for your brow gel. A quick brush through each side and you were done with that step.

You happened to quite like his outfit choice. It was a little less formal than usual for one of your dinners. Classic houndstooth patterned trousers and smart black shirt. The kind of material that made a scratching noise which was music to your ears as you clawed at your man, wanting him closer. Whether that was in the booth of a restaurant, on the car ride home while you were sat at a red traffic light, or when he had you pinned against the locked door for your house.

Eyes dropping, you watched as your hands - with freshly lacquered nails - gently drew the opening of your silky-satin dressing gown together as it started to gape.

From your fidgeting, Harry’s attention was stolen by the movement he had seen in his peripherals and when you next looked up at him in the mirror you were met by his already awaiting gaze.

His face looked worn, as his still slightly damp hair fell across his forehead. Lines lingered in his skin from the way his head was tilted and his arms were bent as his hands faffed around with what appeared to be a trinket box. He must’ve reached for it at some point while you were otherwise occupied.

Gold cross dipping underneath the neckline of the vest, the width of his chest seemed to be getting wider the longer you kept your eyes on his reflection. In moments like this you always became hyper aware of the amount of tattoos that were scattered across his body - arms, shoulders and chest. If you were able to let your eyes drop lower, you were sure the ones of his legs would be just as vivid.

But while everything else about him just seemed content in the moment, his eyes were different. They were strong as they held yours. Waiting for something.

And you knew you couldn’t keep his gaze as you let your words leave your throat, albeit with less conviction than you originally thought them.

If you were after a bicker before dinner then he was absolutely going to bite and give you what you wanted. You just knew it.

“You’re not going out in that, are you?”

“‘S there a problem ‘f I am?”

A charged pause.

Harry’s remark was shot out instantly, on yours as fast as a predator was on their prey.

Inhaling deeply through your nose, you looked back at him through the mirror. A slant to his lips as he waited once more.

Gentle raise of his eyebrows. Faint but definitely there. Goading. Knowing you would be so aware of every moment, every twitch with your eye for detail. His eyes shone in a way that he was daring you.

Oh, he was spoiling for a fight. Most definitely.

See, this wasn’t new territory for you and Harry. He knew that it sometimes got on your last nerve in how he opted for a vest to cover his top half as an undershirt but especially when he only wore that as the item of choice and simply slung a suit jacket over the top to complete the outfit.

Like that one time when he attended The Store X The Vinyl Factory's Transformer exhibition and swung by your then rented London townhouse after said event in the small hours only for you to chastise him on the doorstep for how he hadn’t even put on a proper shirt for the evening.

That night he had teased you - “‘least let me in the door before you start dressing me down, darling. Especially considering ‘m halfway there with not putting on a clean shirt an’ everythin’” - in that slow draw that maddeningly managed to warm you through even when you were irritated with it’s orator.

Blinking, you knew you needed to respond but you weren’t sure which route you wanted to take with your tact.

“Not a problem, ‘s just not my favourite.”

“Didn’t realise we’d become tha’ sorta couple,” he paused, his sentence obviously not finished. When your eyes met his again, he continued, “The kind that tells the other what they can and can’t wear, can and can’t do.”

Sighing, you fiddled with your diamond earrings and spoke, “Forget I said anything.”

“No, no,” he spoke clearly, ringless hands rising in defeat. “You don’t like the vest, ‘s fine. Allowed an opinion.”

“Nice to know.”

A suppressed laugh spluttered from Harry’s lips as he pressed them together.

Looking at him again, you watched him wrinkle his nose up at you through the mirror. By now your gaze was flat and you were far from impressed with his taunting.

“Come on,” he encouraged, eyes alight. “‘S have a row.”

“I’d rather not.”

“‘S healthy to tell me to piss off every once in a while, y’know tha’?”

“So, piss off.”

“Ouch,” he dragged the word, playing offended. “Could say it wi’a bit less conviction next time.”

“That’s if we make it to a next time,” you muttered, seeing his smirk. “‘M not doing this.”

He watched the way you snatched at your other earring, your hands quick to try and place it gently to your lobe but in your haste you fell foul of losing the item.

“Shit,” you hissed when the dainty jewellery slipped from your grip and to the wooden floor below with a dull clink.

“Hang on-“

“It’s fine,” you rebutted any chance of his offering to help, swiping for the earring and managing to make good the second time around.

There was tension in the air now as Harry remained quiet while you continued busying yourself, ignoring the bubble of annoyance and unexplained upset simmering within you.

Gently scooping at your necklace next, you fiddled with the clasp of the fine chain and tilted your neck down as you raised your hands and arms to place the necklace onto yourself.

From behind you, Harry nervously chewed at his bottom lip. He knew the outcome wasn’t going to go well as he looked on at your slightly shaking hands struggling to successfully bring the two sides together.

Rather than point out the possibility of ruining the nails that you had endlessly chewed his ear about all afternoon and constantly stuck under his nose to show off; he waited with baited breath, more than willing to step in if required.

It was when he heard the small and soft growl omit from your mouth with sheer frustration that he decided to change tact.

Gone was the trinket box, tossed aimlessly back onto the bed with a soft bounce. His hands gently placed to rest against taut shoulders, Harry leaned down to press his lips to the top of your head. Nose tickled by your hair he muttered into the silky strands, “Let me, darling.”

You froze as you sat in your seat, eyes still slightly lowered from the way you had dropped your head. Frantically blinking as you mulled over how you were going to play your next move.

Harry hummed, noticing that you had gone quiet on him, knowing you wouldn’t want to engage with him just yet considering how soon he had previously provoked. He just had to wait it out a little more.

A slump came to your shoulders at his words, partially irked at how he had been the one to coil your spring - pushing and pressing and prodding - and now he thought he could be the one to so easily offer you release.

“Let me just-,” he spoke more so to himself, cutting himself off, as he scooped your hair into his hands and mumbled soft apologies considering he knew you had spent some time on styling.

When he was happy that your neck was open enough and there wasn’t going to be anything to hinder him with your tresses over one shoulder, he reached for the item.

Harry’s right hand met yours first, his thumb and forefinger easily pinching at the delicate chain that he knew so well having been the person to pick and purchase the item.

Surprised at how easily you gave up the treasure, Harry darted his eyes to your left side and reached for the other side of the fine chain.

“Have you got it?” You were reluctant to let the one side of the necklace go, in fear of losing the pendant that was currently bouncing against your chest from the way you held the jewellery item.

Again, a throaty hum vibrated through Harry’s chest.

“Which idiot chose the finicky clasp?”

“You did,” you outright answered him.

He chuckled in concentration, eyes zoned in on the way his thumbnail pressed at the clasp to hold it down, and his left hand fed itself to the right. “‘S right, I did. Fucking big idiot over ‘ere.”

You then felt the chain gently tickle the back of your neck as Harry let the item go. “But he’s only gone an’ bloody done it.”

Lightly sighing, you pressed your hand to your chest and felt the necklace sitting cooly against your hotter than usual skin. A soft smile at Harry’s choice of words to let you know he had successfully put on the necklace.

Slightly inside your own head as you raised it to sit up straight, you quickly busied yourself with returning items that you had been using to get ready, to their rightful spots.

Behind you, you heard Harry chuckle as he gently dropped himself down to sit on the edge of your side of the bed. He was clearly amused at how you still couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.

“Ignoring me now? Not even gonna gi’me a thank you?”

If you hadn’t been so stubborn, and focused on the task at hand you would have heard his question and thanked him. However, given your own bloody-mindedness, you never stood a chance.

Learning forward, Harry’s hand reached down to one of the four legs that made up your dressing table pouffe - the one closest to him - and swiftly pulled.

Of course, you squealed. The quick change in motion was enough to cause anyone to omit a noise fit only to dogs hearing due to its pitch.

“‘Ve got yer,” he spoke around a chuckle, enlightened by your reaction as the chair scraped against the flooring and made it so you were virtually sat in his lap. “If the mountain won’t come to Mohammed...”

Sharply, you turned to look at him and pushed at his shoulder. “Hope you’re not implying-“

“Wha’,” his expression was boyishly cheeky as he cut you off with his question, his hand keeping hold of yours that had pushed his shoulder. “What am I implying?”

Nostrils flared as you looked at him, feeling your arm slowly wrap around his neck as he tried to pull you closer once more on the chair. Legs man spread, he managed to slot you in between his thighs and enjoyed the way your soft knees squashed into his inner thigh from how close you now were.

“I’m implying what the proverb is implying,” he smarmily responded, forever having an answer for everything.

“Is that so?”

“It is,” he turned, noting the way your arm was still draped around his neck.

“Shame that,” you commented. “Cause if you were alluding to the other thing then you would’ve really gotten the fight you were looking for.”

Harry’s eyes cut to you from the corner of his vision, his lips now pressed gently against your forearm. “Would I? If that’s the case, I take it back.”

Again your nostrils flared, as you mumbled a veiled threat of, “Swear to god, Harry.”

“So, so easy to wind up-“

Harry’s voice was abruptly cut off when your fingers came into contact with the hair at the nape of his neck and pulled as hard as you could. His only response was to gently graze his teeth to the skin of your arm and the silk of the gown in the tiniest of nips as he ascended to your neck.

“D’yeh know how much I love fighting with you?” He mumbled against your skin, “How much I love doing anything and everything with you?”

“Have a feeling you’re going to tell me,” you swallowed around your dry response, feeling his lips quirk against the shoulder of your silk gown as he gently brushed your hair away once more.

With it falling down your back, you became all too aware of the gape to your coverup, revealing your clavicle and the top of your breast, as Harry’s lips rubbed against where your neck and shoulder met.

Growl-like hum heard from your suitor, you gently pushed your finger through his drying hair. Forcing it in haphazard directions before bringing it back and smoothing it down.

When he showered you with affection like he was currently doing, it was hard to stay mad at him. Which is why you found the direction of conversation so intriguing. What was he trying to achieve here? Whatever it was, he really was going the wrong way about it.

“Know why I love fighting?” He felt you shake your head lightly as he brought you back to him with the question. The rustle of your hair against his was heard prominently in your ears as he now lightly rested his forehead to your temple. “Yea’, you do,” he disagreed with your non-verbal response, tone gritty as he tried to rouse once more.

“‘S cause I love shagging when we’re angry,” he heavily pressed his nose into your cheek, knowing you were watching him through the hooded eyelids regardless of how you wouldn’t fully let your gaze meet his long enough to be suckered in. “How you really dig your nails into my back an’ shoulders when I properly get going - not to mention my arse cheeks - and how it feels when I step under the shower the next morning and wince like a little wuss.”

You laughed breathily, stopping your feelings of joy by biting down on your bottom lip. Laughter however played on your lips, lingering in a soft smile that danced along and up the corners of your mouth.

“Fight me, darling.”

Amused didn’t even cover it as you pulled your head back in a slightly uncomfortable way to look at him. The smoulder of his dilated eyes that were clearly set on what he wanted, they jarred so evidently against his messy hair that looked fit for a toddler who had woken from a heavy nap.

He seemed awfully whiny for a man who was confident with what he wanted. Supposed to be the instigator of an exchange of diverging or opposite views, creating most likely a heated happening. Then again, maybe he was onto something.

Soft frown set in the middle of his brows, his eyes dropped so brazenly down to your lips. A quick swipe of your tongue had them glistening enticingly for him as saliva lingered and caused his groan to get caught in his throat.

Hand against the back of your head, he tilted your face down to his once more and let his mouth sit at the corner of your lips. Your breathing and his had started to become staccato, as anticipation bubbled within you both from your shared close proximity.

“‘M waiting,” you challenged knowing he would rise up to the provocation, as his hand turned you face a tiny amount more so when he stuck his nose against yours, so they would slot perfectly together.

Harry’s vision blurred as he felt your warm breath bounce against his face, licking his own lips now and rolling them into his mouth to take away any dryness.

Hand drawing you to him and mouth about to take your bottom lip, he felt the soft draw back of your head causing his lips to tweak as his breathy laugh mixed within his short and sharp exhalations.

“‘S tha’ how it’s gonna be?“

You fought the way your hooded eyes wanted to close at the gruff tone that laced his question, wanting to marvel in the glow that had started to coat the skin of his face.

“Said you wanted a fight.”

No sooner had the words left your mouth were his lips abruptly upon yours. His hand spread across your entire cheek as your free hand reached for his wrist and tightly gripped. Noses squashed from the force; desperate to have each other.

Harry's lips were fierce and bruising, his body feeling heavier against yours as he rested his other hand against your chair and gave you more of his weight.

For him your smell was everywhere, as your other arm wrapped around his neck and clawed at the fabric of that bloody vest. The sweet of your hair care juxtaposed against the woody florals of your perfume that sensually drew and tied him to you.

Knees knocking together, you felt the way his hand stumbled as it peeled away from the chair and clawed at the silky fabric of your gown. Fingers quickly became frantic as his concentration moved to his hands that lifted fabric and slipped underneath craving the feel of your warm, soft skin.

With his mouth slightly slower and fallen as he was pulled elsewhere, you tried to take the lead as his hands wandered and he explored.

His hands were softer than usual, time away from music and instruments meaning the callouses had faded. Short nails were dull as they clawed, fingertips dancing against your plush thighs as they flattened to the seat and then upwards along your hip, scooping around your back and confidently spreading out just shy of the top of your bum.

God, he loved knowing you were completely naked underneath. How with a quick and sharp tug of his hand, he would have you bare to him.

Small press against your lower back had Harry silently asking you to raise and fall into his lap. You ignored him at first, far too wrapped up in the way he gave you his tongue around his quivering lips that were trying not to smile at the way the two of you were shamelessly necking on and he was managing to get his own way.

Pressing your toes into the patterned antique Persian rug which sat underneath your bed, your body created a break between your thighs and their seat. Harry took advantage of the space without any need for a nudge, his hands curling against the clammier, warm skin as he urged you once more to come to him.

Your knees hit the side of your mattress first, lifting and mounting Harry’s lap and he moaned as he enjoyed your full weight against him. Fingers digging into the skin of your thighs, you felt him squeeze as he started to lower himself down to the bed.

Body laying atop an outfit priced easily in the early thousands, Harry hummed clearly letting you know how pleased he was with himself. This was only solidified by the crack of his hand, as it slapped against you bare bum cheek now on show.

“Can’t believe you’ve got your arse in the air like this,” he rasped, head lifted so he could leave lingering kisses to the hinge of your jaw.

Mouth slightly dropped, you could feel the way his right hand danced against the curve of your cheek and the way it dipped as it met the back of your thigh.

His eyes were on your face, chin soft as he tilted his head down to his chest. You admired him, somehow able to find a stillness woven within a intoxicated, sensual love between the lewdish comments and suggestive wandering hands.

Lips melding to the skin of your cheek, he asked, “Who’re you showing it off to?”

“You, ‘f you want it like that.”

The coolness of the room hit your bare skin even more as Harry roughly pushed up the fabric of your gown up as he palmed your cheeks once more, skin massaged and squeezed between his digits.

Raw groan, he found his voice, “Turn over for me.”

Harry slid himself closer to the side of bed, hands making light work of his socks and his briefs before he turned to throw you a glance over his shoulder.

You had removed your gown, item somewhere now on the floor revealing yourself to him proudly.

As you lay gently on your stomach, the expanse of your bare back on show for him. He greedily let his eyes wander, the curvature of your shoulders and the indentation of your spine line.

The way your right leg was slightly bent creating a crease to your hip and your left leg a little straighter. You certainly gave him plenty to devour with his sight.

He didn’t give it much thought when he joined you back on the bed, his hands pressing into the mattress closer to your head.

Bare fingers caught your attention as you watched his hands scrunch around his expensive dress shirt, the familiar scratching sound music to your ears as it caught against his nails and not yours for once while he threw it to the floor at the bottom end of the bed.

“Doesn’t look like we’re going to make it to tha’ dinner,” he spoke, his words not really warranting an answer. Beside your hips, you could feel his knees as he leaned for the trousers on the other side of you and pushed them out of the way too.

He continued with, “Already late. ‘S no point.”

From the way he spoke you wondered if this was what he had been aiming for all along. To scrap dinner and have his way with you. It wouldn’t have been the first time and definitely not the last.

Eyes already heavy from the deep lull of Harry’s voice, they closed when you felt his lips hit your back, making light work of inhaling you in. His mouth was wet as he reacquainted his lips with your skin, suckling the lower he got.

Nose gently sweeping down, you found yourself dropping your forehead to your forearm giggling from the light tickle, only to sharply cry out as his teeth sunk into the top of your cheek and your head lifted once more.

Your hand reached behind you pressing against his forehead, “Don’t you dare leave a love bite on my bum.”

His lips twitched at your squealed but breathy chastise, tongue laving against the startings of a mark. “Always begrudging me of eating, darling.”

A devilish grin laced his features as you dared to look over your shoulder at him and take in his gaze that owlishly looked at you from behind your curved hip. All you could see were his eyes as your hand gently pushed his head while he pulled your hips upwards with him, lips skimming the backs of your thighs.

“Mm,” he started. “Not everything though, ‘s tha’ right?”

The man simply didn’t want to part from his meal.

“You always did like dessert better.”

There was nothing more Harry loved than when you let him put his face between your legs. But when you let him do it from behind, he couldn’t even explain the difference yet there was one.

Maybe it was the way he could grab and smack your arse, fingers digging into your hips as he got to pull you onto his face when things started to get hot and heavy. That animalistic grab to your hip bone, loins pulled onto his face as he went to town.

Even better when you would push back against him. So caught up in the way he felt that you couldn’t wait any longer. He could talk to you easier this way too, really coax you not only with the feel of his tongue but the words that dripped off it too.

And then there was the possible anticipation of assplay. Tongue always ready and willing to stimulate if it were desired and communicated.

The way his hands massaged you, softly pulling apart your rounded cheeks and opening you to the cool air of your bedroom almost stunned. Your body quickly gathered itself with a warm moan when you felt his warm salvia drip messily down onto your ass and your middle.

Then he was leaning forward - lapping at your skin - lapping you up. Tongue greedy at your cheeks and folds, building his own desires before he actually ate.

This was his starter.

The most feminine gasp exited your open mouth when you felt his mouth land where you needed him the most, somewhat too cautiously for your liking at first but you knew he sometimes liked to play this game. You found yourself wiggling back, Harry’s hands wrapping around and squeezing into your thick thighs welcomingly when he knew you’d caught on.

He hummed, pleased that you had fallen from his meek offerings and gave you more of his mouth.

“There’s my girl.”

“H,” you panted, pressing your forehead onto your forearm.

“Fuck,” he muttered against you, enjoying how you were letting him have a taste. Your sweetness quenching his starved fancy.

You were wet, but he wanted you wetter. Just wet enough so that you were tacky when he tapped himself against you teasingly.

With his eyes closed, Harry opened his mouth wider as he pulled your hips back to his lips. His nails dig into your skin as your hands clenched into the sheets beneath.

He worked slowly against you, tongue licking at your wetness and saliva mixing with your early arousal. Nose buried inside of you as he devoured you in a way that had you thinking he had been wanting you this way for weeks. A little bit rougher, grabbing you to him and not in the way that quickies usually brought. In a way that sex selfishly commanded sometimes.

“God, baby-“ how was it always so- gratifying?

With his eyes closed now as he tried to focus, Harry felt your body shuffle and his own limbs followed after you without restraint. Your bum became slightly raised as you pressed your arms deeper into the mattress due to the way you began to play with yourself.

Your fingers swiped upwards in gentle pulls against your clit, Harry’s mouth barely letting up. He must’ve figured out what you were doing though from your slight change in position as he hummed against your heat, light mutterings that you couldn’t make out.

“‘S tha’ feel good?” he asked, voice hot as he pulled back to bring his focus onto the glide of your fingers against your wet and neglected clit. “Couldn’t wait, wanted to play.”

You knew you were slick, you could feel it but rather than feel embarrassed you found yourself without a care as you pushed yourself back again. His chuckle made you feel on fire, “Not done with me? Still need some more?”

His lips and tongue dove straight back in rather than wait for a verbal answer, feeling the way your legs widened further when he licked in a particular way. The smell and taste of you was everywhere, gleaming against him with a tackiness that was the perfect piece of free memorabilia.

Breathing heavier, you both listened to every small gasp and light moan that was drawn from you. The sound of his lips pulling at you making a heat spread across your chest and down to your core.

Harry knew your reactions like the back of his hand, and was waiting for that one sound that was so sweet and enough to get him to cheekily pull away.

The thought alone had his lips curving into a smile against you, as he felt you starting to clench against his tongue from your joint efforts of pleasure.

“Harry,” you whispered, rushed. The slow burning feeling starting to form in the pit of your stomach as your fingers began to move with that little bit more fervour. “Want you.”

His mouth was away from you and against the skin of your bum cheek not long after, lips messily wiping as he moved them up your back leaving a trail of arousal in his wake as you felt yourself fall flat to the mattress as he mounted you.

Hands pinched into the skin of your back, Harry pressed his pelvis against you.

Feeling him nestled between the cheeks of your bum, caused your eyes to close. He was so full and hard for you, you couldn’t contain the throaty moan that accompanied his grind into the dip of your bum.

“‘M gonna fuck you,” he panted, hands sweeping your hair to one shoulder so his lips can find your skin again. “Want that, hm?”

Your fingers wove into the hair at the nape of his neck, as he craned his head to look at you. His left hand pressed into the bed, holding his entire weight as his right hand reached down for his leaking cock.

“‘S this what you want- how you want it?” He goaded in question again, gently tapping himself against the skin of your bum before he slid himself down and watched as you slightly raised your own hips for him and started to reach behind you to encourage him to press his weight on top of you.

Harry lined himself up, pushing forward and shifting his eyes from his sinking cock and up your back to see your head dipping forward to fall between your shoulders. He knew he’d never grow tired of the welcomed blissful moan of ‘yes’ that always left your lips when he finally gave it to you.

Humming deeply, Harry bit around his smile as he started with shallow, teasing thrusts. A series of strokes that you found frustratingly sexy but knew as ones he wouldn’t be able to keep up due to his own insatiable desires.

He swore, in the least teenage boy way possible, you were always tighter to him like this. Especially if you crossed your legs at your ankles behind him while he pushed into you.

It was usually the position you adopted when you’d let him take you this way, however in the dusk evening he could feel that you had lifted your legs up so your calves were resting against his bum and holding him to you; cutting his shallow thrusting short to press and hold him deeper inside.

As his pelvis flattened against your bum, he gritted his teeth and released a deep noise from the very back of his throat. The sound had you giggling, slightly wiggling your hips from beneath him, the moment quickly halted by one of his hands cupping at your skin.

“Darling, steady,” he warned.

“Come on,” you wiggled again. “Fuck me then.”

Pulling back, Harry nudged forward just as smooth, the intent behind his thrust obvious. Eyes dropped down he enjoyed the bounce of your cheeks from the force of his pelvis.

A content hum left your smiling lips as you jolted from each push of his hips; his grunts of exertion delightfully pleasurable as his hands pressed into the mattress next to your waist.

Thrust measured - slow, hard and deep - knowing what they wanted and needed. How to get it too. Undulating and determined.

Harry’s eyes closed as he felt you squeeze him, your legs dropping away from the cheeks of his clenching arse and down to the bed with a soft bounce. You moved again and he followed, legs opening wider against the mattress beneath you both.

The way your face was now half buried into the sheets, muffling your moans that were usually hot against his ear and coaxing him to places he was still dumbfounded he was able reach let alone find.

Teeth gritted once more, he could feel the tightness in his limbs and lower back. The work of his hips was unyielding but you were opening up to him, only making him want to continue the steady rhythm. To push and pull. To chase.

And it was enough. It was nice. Simmering. And if you opened your legs just that little bit wider you could rub yourself against the sheets but you wanted to give as good as you could get. Being engulfed wasn’t going to give you that.

“Give it to me,” you requested, “Harder, baby.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Really need it, don’t yer?”

He pulled you upwards, hands at the curve of your waist so his fingers indented and left lighter marks against your skin from the pressure.

Now on your knees he could really have his way with you.

Soon the sound of your skin slapping together only started to add to the growing fire in the pit of his stomach and yours. The sound of it so obscene but so welcomed to both your ears.

Harry’s eyes raked over your naked body, the pert cheeks of your arse bouncing enticingly against his hips, to the tops of your fingers that were fisting tightly into your bedsheets. Knuckles so prominent due to the unrelenting grip.

He had noticed that your body was on its way to folding in on itself, arms stretching above your head and hands finding purchase on your plush bed pillows closer to the top of the bed that had been reached and pulled for by your own lack of knowing what to do with your hands.

“D’ya love me?”

His question was so gritty. Throat dry from his heavy breathing. You found yourself collapsing again.

Your body, in its lethargy, started to curl up into itself with hands pressed down and your legs bent as your arse begins to bob more against him rather than thrust itself back.

“Said d’ya love me.”

He was sharp with his thrust.

“So much-“

It was wet and it was gasped. Low moan as he cracked his hand against your cheek.

“‘S tha’ the sex talkin’,” he heaved goadingly, and you knew he was smiling. It wasn’t the sex talking, but it could be. Both so taken by the waves of pleasure that could easily sway even the most sound of minds.

You whined into your arm from his smarmy laugh, a writhe to your hips as Harry licked at his thumb and pressed it enticing against your arse. Gentle rubs had you gasping his name and pressing back, as his thumb slid down to collect your arousal that was sat coating your outer walls and his cock each time he retreated.

As you became more excited, his thumb pressed against you with a bit more pressure, gently popping inside and sitting there.

“Harry,” you whined, the loudest you could around biting your lips, a soft frown forming against your brow at the pleasurable intrusion.

“You fuckin’ love it,” he growled, watching as you pushed back against his next thrust. “You dirty mare.”

Heavy frown against your brow, you dropped your head onto your forearm once more and felt yourself start to clench around him. “Yea’,” he muttered to himself, “You’re coming.”

Nodding your head against your forearm, you felt his free hand rest onto yours that was pushed above your head. He pressed down, fingers slotting through yours as he grunted in time with his harder thrusts into you.

With shaking thighs and aching knees, you feel your mouth fall as his teeth grazed over your ear and his heavy pants warmed your already perspiring cheeks.

“Don’t fight me,” he pleaded. “‘S nice to give in.”

His head was heavy against your temple, your hair messily in your face. You felt your expression fall as you teetered, starting to lean slightly more to one side. He was nodding, you didn’t know who to but you knew what about and you found yourself craving his narration of whispered ‘yeses’ but instead you were both overcome and the best he can do was huskily groan to encourage you.

Suddenly it tipped and your limbs started to shake as you pressed back against him both in want of more but more so to ground yourself so you didn’t collapse. He stuttered from your vigour but held you there, feeling you helplessly writhe and mercilessly squeeze around him. His cock grinding and dipping into you, drawing out each tremor, desperately seeking its own sexual gratification.

Your other hand was wrapped around his face, fingers digging into the back of his neck and whispering begs for him to come inside of you. Pleas of how you want him to give it to you. Fill you up.

And you were lewd because sometimes that was how he liked it.

Such a pretty face and pretty mouth - yours - speaking to him in such a way. Admonishment was forgotten. Who needed or cared for it when his balls were pulling up tight with each slap against you.

And then he collapsed against you. His thighs roughly spread you as he clenched and groaned deeply - guttural - giving you everything he had.

Blood rushed around his ears as he shuddered and shook, the force of his orgasm causing his hips to continue with little pushes just to be sure he was done. Lost to himself, the silence and his sensitivity.

He roused to your dirty snicker, one of disbelief. Right hand wrapping behind to feel for his arse cheek and digging your nails there, wanting to keep him deep inside, or just behind you for long enough to feel him pressed flaccid and wet against your cheeks.

The filthy reminder caused you to flush, as Harry shuffled behind you, lips seeking out your clammy skin.

“Make you mad more often, ‘f tha’s my private penance.”

His words were muffled, spoken into your shoulder as his hands soothed and massaged over your joints in preparation for the aching reminders tomorrow.

And the vest was still on.

#harry styles #harry styles smut #harry smut #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry fluff #harry x you #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry fic #my writing

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one-boring-person · 3 years

Note

H'okay I gotta bite. From the friends-to-enemies-to-lovers prompt, would you please do #5 with one of our favorite smart asses: Gabriel Cash? I was going to ask for Snake but after seeing 'Guilty as Charged' I *LOVE* how you write him!

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it! And thanks for the request, I enjoyed writing it, though I'm really sorry that it took so long :/

We Make A Good Team.

Gabe Cash (Tango and Cash) x reader

Warnings: swearing, mention of gun violence

Masterlist

"Sorry, can I just…" A pair of hands suddenly grip my waist and pull me to the side, away from my position by the corner, the familiar voice sending a wave of irritation through me as I hear it.

Stumbling to stand beside the newcomer, I glare at him as he takes my place, drawing a gun from his belt as he presses himself back against the grimy bricks, peeking round the corner.

"Cash, get the hell out of my way!" I hiss at him, grabbing his arm to pull him back.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you say something?" Gabe turns briefly to look at me, his hair whipping into my face from our accidental proximity.

"Come on, Cash. You know playing deaf doesn't suit you." I retort, still pulling at his arm.

"Really? Because it sure as hell looks like you're enjoying it." He sends a pointed glance at my hand on his sleeve, "See, you're already trying to take my clothes off."

Snapping my hand back to my body, I make a sound of disgust, blushing angrily as he smirks at me and turns back around, peering round into the darkened street.

With an angry scowl, I turn back to face the rest of the team of armed police behind us, locating my captain quickly.

"Why the hell is he on my case, sir?!" I growl, gesturing back to the blonde beside me.

"Hey, hey! "He" has a name, you know." Gabe interrupts, "And who said it's your case? Last I checked, there's a whole crowd here."

"What, you think you should go in solo?" I scoff, barely looking at him, "I've been on this case for a week now, so it's mine. I call the shots, so fuck off!"

"Actually, (Y/n), I called him in." My captain says from the back of the group, sending me a stern look as I set my jaw.

"But why?"

"Because, babe, there's no way you're gonna pull this off without me." Gabe smirks, before he suddenly steps out from behind the corner, yelling out to the criminals I'm trying to convict.

"Cash! You fucker!" I bite out after him, following swiftly with my gun raised, knowing I'll probably need it now.

Falling in beside him, I take up a position to his right, inadvertently reverting back to old habits I built up years before, weapon aimed slightly to the side as I keep half an eye on the surroundings as well as the scene before us. Noticing me there, Gabe shoots me a quick grin, winking as he sees me realise what I've done, looking back as I make a face of disgust and move into a different place, scowling to myself. Observing the scene before me, I change my aim as I figure out that there's no way we'll be snuck up on - the gangs (all three) are there in their entirety. Swallowing, I signal to the squad behind us to move in, thankful for the forethought of bringing in more help from the armed cops. It's not long before they're all in position, both the ones behind us and on the roofs around, as well as those at the other end of the alley.

"Put your weapons down, you're surrounded! Nobody needs to get hurt, but if you don't do what I say, someone will!" I call out to the gathered gang members before Cash can get a word in, eyeing them all warily.

Nothing happens, the whole alley remaining still and silent, almost eerie as we stare at each other, guns aimed at one another. It takes a full minute for the tension to be broken.

"You think she's joking? Listen, guys, I've seen her angry and trust me, it's not pretty. Just drop the weapons, and none of us have to see her go batshit! Everyone wins!" Gabe finally shouts to the gangs, nodding towards me with a knowing look.

Annoyed, I glance at him, glaring as he winks at me again, finding his relaxed approach infuriating. Across from us, the gang members look at each other in confusion, as if debating whether or not to follow our instruction

"Look, guys, it's really not that hard. Just do what she says!" Cash tries again, cocking his gun ominously.

"Drop your weapons!" I follow up, adjusting my grip on my gun, "Drop them and step back, hands in the air!"

As the threat of the situation finally sinks in for them all, many of the gangsters gradually place their weapons down, surrendering themselves even as their compatriots curse them out, pointing their guns at them. It doesn't take long, however, for them all to see sense, especially as the armed police move forwards to start making the arrests.

With a triumphant grin, Gabe turns to me and holsters his gun, lifting an eyebrow at my vexed expression as he goes to move past.

"Way to go, team!" He comments as he steps past me, bumping my shoulder with his.

Flipping him off, I go to help the others, ignoring him.

It's already half ten by the time I finish writing the report, my hand aching from the continuous movement - my captain has always preferred handwritten files for some reason, so I often spend hours writing up days and days worth of case notes. Even so, as I walk over to the door to the captain's office, I can't help but feel a little satisfied by the completed wad of paper, holding it carefully so that it doesn't get damaged at all.

Naturally, the captain isn't in at this time of night, so I push open his door and go to the desk, dropping the file by his keyboard with a final thunk, glad to be rid of the burden. Without further ado, I leave the room, heading to my office again to grab my things, only to realise I have yet to sort out the conviction forms for the gangsters we picked up earlier, a job that will take me a good hour or so alone. Sighing, I take up the pile of papers, shuffling through them with a tired carelessness, moving back out into the corridor with them.

This time, I make my way over to the communal area, intending to make myself a cup of coffee so that I'll at least be able to stay awake whilst I fill these in. As I enter though, I fail to notice the figure sat in the corner.

"Babe, it is way too late to be drinking coffee. You should try a beer." Gabe's voice sounds almost as tired as I feel, though I can't quite see why, as it's highly unlikely that he's done any paperwork in the last four hours.

His words startle me, making me jump and drop my cup to the counter top with a loud clatter.

"Fuck, Cash! You scared the shit outta me!" I curse, pressing a hand to my chest as I catch my breath.

"Sorry, sweetheart. Thought you'd seen me." The detective apologises, lifting his beer up to his lips.

"S'fine." I mumble, turning to the fridge in search of a drink, "I need something stronger than a beer."

"Stronger?" Gabe lifts an eyebrow.

"Yeah. But I'll take a beer...I ran out of scotch a few days ago."

"Scotch? You take that shit to work?" His other eyebrow joins the first.

Shooting him a tired smirk, I grab a beer and join him at the table, dropping the papers down in a messy heap.

"I usually do." I reply, cracking the beer open on the edge of the table, "As I said, I drank it all."

"Damn, girl, didn't realise work got you so stressed." He remarks, toasting me as I lift my drink to my lips.

I shrug, taking out my pen to fill some of the forms in, writing in the date, charges and signing the bottom.

"Why don't you just leave that for someone else to do? Or wait until tomorrow? They're not going anywhere." Gabe asks after a while, having watched me in silence, the longest we've gone without arguing in a long time.

"Because," I sigh, glancing up at him, "I actually stick to my deadlines. This needs to be done by tomorrow."

He clicks his tongue, rolling his eyes as he reaches across, pinching the end of my pen.

"The captain isn't going to expect you to have written a whole report, plus thirty of those fuckers. You're not a machine, you need a rest." The blonde says to me, clear blue eyes fixed on mine, genuine care written into his expression.

"No, Cash-" I try to argue, only to be cut off as he takes my pen from me and stands from the table, coming round to my side.

"Yes, you're going to listen to me for once." He orders, almost sternly, helping me from my chair as I protest a little, unused to the friendly way he's behaving around me.

Shushing me, Gabe leads me over to the sofa at the far end of the break room, sitting me down before taking his place at the other side, which isn't so far given the small stature of the piece of furniture. Our legs are touching from our close proximity, but I'm too tired to do anything about it, simply enjoying his company instead, something I never thought would happen again.

"You know, (Y/n), we still make a good team." He murmurs after a minute or so, drinking from his beer as I turn my head to look at him.

"I guess so." I agree, thinking back to the arrest earlier today, as well as a few earlier on in our careers. Back when things were easier.

Gabe is clearly thinking the same as he sighs and turns to look at me, the two of us making eye contact properly for the first time in years, unspoken words passing between us as we gaze at each other.

"I still wish things hadn't changed." He sighs wistfully, glancing away again, hand clenching the bottle.

"Me too, honestly." I reply quietly, finishing my beer quickly as I settle back into the sofa, feeling sleep tugging at my mind, "It was nice having a partner."

"Yeah it was. Work gets lonely now."

"Tell me about it."

All is silent between us for a few more minutes, during which time I start to feel my eyelids drooping closed, my body relaxing comfortably into the soft cushions.

"Maybe one day we could work together again." He proposes, placing our bottles on the floor by our feet.

"Yeah, that would be nice." I agree, being totally genuine as I try my hardest not to drift off, "I miss you, Ca- Gabe."

At the sound of his name, Gabe looks over at me again, evidently noticing me half-asleep on the couch beside him. It takes him a moment, but it's not too long before I feel a lair of arms wrap around me. Eyes opening, I give him a questioning look as he pulls me closer to him, maneuvering us so he's got me cradled against his chest, leaning back against the arm of the sofa. If I wasn't so tired, I would've pushed him away, but as it is, it feels nice being held in his strong grip, his chest firm under my cheek and palms as I give in and nuzzle closer to him. His scent floods my nostrils, something in the mixture of old fast-food and hastily-used cologne comforting me as I feel a soft warmth spread through me.

Too tired to argue, I relax into him, allowing him to lull me to sleep with gentle patterns on my back, his hair falling into my face as he leans forwards over me. Just before I drop off entirely, I feel him press a soft kiss to my forehead, his arms tightening around me as he hugs me to his body, muscles loosening underneath me.

I really have missed him.

#tango and Cash #Gabe Cash #Gabe Cash x reader #Gabe Cash imagine #tango and Cash imagine #Kurt Russell #break writes

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classic80sand90smovieloves2 · 4 years

Text

Meeting and Dating Shavonne Wright

(My crappy gif)(Requested by anonymous/The ask had three separate requests in it so I’ll respond to it later when I’m ready to start writing the others)

- You met Shavonne in school. The two of you had a class at the end of the day together but you didn’t talk to each other until halfway through the year when she saved your ass in the school bathroom.

- It was around fourth period when you just so happened to enter the bathroom after she did. She was leaning against the sink smoking and not paying any attention to you when you made your way into a stall. It was there that you found out that “that time of the month” came early and you were completely unprepared.

- You cursed quietly, panicking while rifling through your bag for a second time. You could hear her let out a short laugh in response to your outburst before she finally spoke.

“You alright in there?” The question was joking more than anything.

- You winced at the idea but swallowed your pride, asking if she had a pad or something that you could use.

“Oh shit, girl. ...Yeah, give me a minute.” She answered quietly. You could hear her heels clicking against the floor as she made her way over to the stall, her hand appearing over the top of the door to hand you one.

- You thanked her and finished up, hoping that she would leave before you got out but you had no such luck. You shyly exited the stall, flashing her a small smile as you went to wash your hands.

- She nodded at you while taking a drag from her cigarette, brushing off your second thank you as you finally left the bathroom. You let out a breath once you got into the hallway, figuring that was that and she’d forget about it by the time your class with her came around.

- So the end of the day came around and you made your way into your final class; study hall though your “teacher” let you do whatever you wanted within reason.

- Shavonne came in a few minutes after you had and, for the first time, seemed to notice that you shared the class together. She hesitated for a moment before making her way over and asking if you were “alright now”, offering you a Midol as she took a seat.

- The two of you talked on and off for the rest of the period; you blamed it more on the fact that she didn’t really have any friends in that class rather than her actual interest in you. But you’d soon be proven wrong.

- She began to sit with you nearly every day after that, your conversations moving past awkward small talk and the length at which you spoke getting longer and longer. Shavonne actually found herself trying to get to that class faster so that she could see you sooner, something she later realized was a bit odd for just two friends, especially when it came to her.

- After about a month of talking, the two of you began to walk out of class together, still making conversation as you made your way through the halls. It was there that she finally asked if you’d like to hang out after school.

- You agreed and soon found yourself sitting on her bedroom floor as she rifled through her records, trying to find a good album to listen to. She asked you what you thought of Don while her back was turned to you and you honestly answered: you didn’t know him very well but he seemed like a jerk, harmless but an ass.

- To your surprise, she agreed and told you that she was planning on breaking things off for good, hesitantly admitting that she liked someone new anyways. You started to prod just a little bit.

“They’re... well you know....” You don’t piece two and two together as she begins to subtly describe you. “Just... cute, you know?”

“I’ve never heard you call anyone cute before.” You chuckled slightly.

“Sexy. Is that better?” She teasingly corrected herself. “But they’re more cute. Like a puppy or cat or something. I don’t know she’s just different.”

Your heart skipped a beat, wondering if you heard her correctly. “She?”

“Huh?” She asked but you knew she was faking it, her voice high and nervous.

“You said ‘she’.” You replied tentatively, unsure of if it was your place to intrude.

“Alright, so it’s a she.” She muttered defensively, knowing she couldn’t play off her fumble.

“Alright.” You said and moved on to another subject of conversation.

- The two of you had your first kiss the same night she confessed that she had feelings for you. She’d dragged you out with her late one night, convincing you to come by admitting that she’d broken up with Don and “just wanted some company”.

- You were sat next to her on a field of grass, swatting mosquitoes from your legs while she smoked when she finally told you that you were the one she’d been talking about. You went silent for a long moment before you told her that you liked her too, letting her lean closer and closer until her lips brushed against yours; testing the waters before she pulled you into a real kiss.

- It’s certainly a new experience but one you wouldn’t trade for the world.

- Lots of pda. She’s a touchy person in general so no one really suspects anything when she’s hanging all over you. She constantly has her arm around your waist/shoulder or her hand in yours.

- Quick, frenzied kisses. She’ll desperately attack your lips for a minute then pull away like nothing happened the next.

- She likes when you lay your head on her lap but; depending on her mood, she’ll either play with your hair or put things in it until you notice. Even though she messes with you, she doesn’t want you to pull away.

- She’s a tease. She doesn’t like serious talk, instead she prefers to gossip and try and get a reaction out of you, usually a nice one.

- Tv dates.

- Slumber parties, you have one; at least, once a week. You usually make whole days out of them, heading over to her house right after school and staying there until late the next morning.

- You know that picture of the two girls where one of them is putting makeup on the other while straddling their waist. That’s the two of you; you can decide who’s who.

- Bathroom smoking breaks. You tend to light her cigarettes for her since she rarely remembers her own.

- She literally has everything else you could need in her bag besides a lighter. Hair ties, tampons/pads, gum, breath mints, chapstick, tissues, pepper spray, spare money, band aids, etc.

- Playing dumb games to pass the time, especially during your free periods.

- She likes to be tall but she really isn’t. She’s constantly wearing heels and gets annoyed when you tease her about her height.

- On the same note~ She’s actually really insecure. She may not act like it on the outside but she’s always secretly trying to do things that make her look more “appealing”, skinnier, prettier, etc.

- You occasionally help her get dressed because she insists on wearing the tightest pants that she can force on and ridiculously hard to clasp necklaces.

- She can usually score some beers for the two of you from unsuspecting guys who think with the head that’s off their shoulders; if you like to drink, that is.

- She likes being helpful, at least when it somewhat benefits her. She’ll come help you with whatever you’re doing as long as it either involves her or you spending more time with her.

- She calls you “girlie”, it’s her version of a pet name, sort of ingenious since she can call you it in public without turning heads.

- Drive through restaurant dates.

- Wandering around and seeing where the night takes the two of you.

- Rollerskating dates.

- Matching nail polish.

- Bumping each other’s hips teasingly.

- Brushing her hair behind her ear for her. There always seems to be an annoying strand in her face.

- She likes to think of herself as being above “kiddie stuff” but she’s a sucker for little childish trinkets and stuffed animals. She’ll tease you for getting her something like a teddy bear but you bet your ass it’ll be sitting on her bed the next time you visit.

- She gets spooked easily and whenever she does, she has a habit of looking to and trying to latch on to you. You’re sort of used as a stress ball and a meat shield at the same time.

- Comforting hugs, she always seems to know when you need one and she’ll take one whenever you want to give her one.

- She turns into a little teddy bear when the two of you get to her house after school. Her shoes come off, she shrinks and then she turns soft. She refuses to be the little spoon, she’ll koala bear your back before she allows you to be the big spoon.

- She’s a clothing stealer; a beautiful, persistent thief that vexes you. Looking for a particular shirt? You’ll find it soon enough... with your girlfriend inside of it.

- Jodi is incredibly and adorably supportive while Kaye is most certainly a borderline lesbian herself. They’re most likely the only ones who know about the two of you.

- Her shoes in one of your hands and her hand in the other. It’s a common thing after a late night of partying since she insists on wearing heels every time she goes out.

- Special handshakes.

- Photobooth pictures. She’s got them pinned on her headboard and hidden in her pillows.

- She likes leading the way when the two of you walk together but always makes sure that you’re close behind, not wanting to leave you somewhere or let you stray too far away.

- Being really comfortable with each other. The two of you can talk about whatever you want without ever having to feel embarrassed.You’re also the only one whose secrets she actually keeps.

- She’s a real one; at least when it comes to you. Pimple on your back? She’s got it. Bled through your pants? She’ll get you another pair. Puking in the bathroom? She’ll hold your hair. It’s girl code baby and she’s mastered it.

- Shavonne’s never been jealous; actually jealous, of anyone, mainly because she’s never been in an extremely serious relationship. But with you? She certainly has a mean streak when it comes to dealing with people she deems as being too close to you.

- It’s a little hard for her to decide when she should and shouldn’t get jealous since she’s sort of new to the whole “being gay” thing. Should she be jealous of guys that flirt with you or only girls who seem to like you more than friends? She isn’t sure.

- She tries her best to deal with her jealousy on her own time and to not let you know about it. She’s sort of embarrassed since she considers herself a pretty sought after girl. She doesn’t think she should ever feel like there’s competition when she’s the one you’re with. But like I said: she’s secretly insecure and that affects how she feels more than she cares to admit.

- She’s very protective of you, insulting whoever is rude to you or tries to make you the butt of a joke. People learn very quickly that being mean/inconsiderate to you gets them on her shit list.

- She always has a comeback no matter the situation. Teasing her? She has one. Fighting with each other? She has one. You’d think she has a book full of them somewhere.

- She never stays mad at you for very long. She likes to think that she can hold a grudge but when it really comes down to it, she tries to smooth things over pretty much as soon as she can.

- She sings “love you~” more than she says it seriously but the feeling and intent is still there. You think it’s cute anyway.

- She doesn’t have anything against her hometown so she wouldn’t mind sticking around for a while. Maybe the two of you can rent/buy a house together; be ambiguously gay roommates that all the old ladies either look at weird or openly admire your “friendship”.

#shavonne wright imagine #shavonne wright headcanons #shavonne wright headcanon #dazed and confused #dazed and confused imagine #dazed and confused x reader #dazed and confused headcanons #dazed and confused headcanon #90s movie imagine #90s movie headcanons #90s movie headcanon

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percywinchester27 · 4 years

Text

About a boy (Part-11)

Word count: 2.8K

Warning: Suspense, feels, physical abuse, child-trafficking, kidnapping, child-violence, bullying.

Characters: Dean, Cas, Gabriel, Benny, Michael, OCs and… Sam?

Summary: Dean Winchester has a secret. A secret that could really land him in trouble. He never expected to connect with anyone when he walked into the ‘Blue Stone Orphanage for Boys,’ but even then, the walls he has put up are slowly coming down. Now, a series of strange events are threatening to expose him. When everything starts falling apart around him, will he still be able to save the one person that matters the most?

A/N: Okay, I really hope you all like this chapter! <3

Thanks to my lovelies @thing-you-do-with-that-thing and @deanssweetheart23 for beta reading this story <3

About a boy masterlist

“You know what would help? Lightsabers!” Will proclaimed.

Dean laughed and Cas gave Will an amused look.

“You guys think it’s funny, but we sneaked a Star Wars tape last year- you remember that, don’t you, Cas?- and those sabers could light up the whole place,” he reasoned.

“You know Lightsabers aren’t real,” Cas said patiently.

Will rolled his eyes at that. “Of course they aren’t real. I know that! But they must be using something similar during the filming. That’s what we need. We could light this whole place up. No need for dumb flashlights that give out in the middle of creepy staircases.”

Dean smiled indulgently. “That was one time.”

“And one time was enough,” Will said decidedly, his tone effectively dismissing the matter.

It sure had been a struggle, sneaking each night into the record room without letting anyone know. Even more, it was a task to smuggle and return Will from and back to the 4th floor. But if Dean was honest, Will kept them going. He had the sort of brightness and enthusiasm that never gave out… even on the dullest of nights.

It had taken Will a few days to come back to himself, but after that, Will was the driving force behind the ‘Sam search mission.’ In fact, he seemed too bright sometimes. Dean worried if somehow Will was overcompensating, thinking that it was his job to find Sam before he left with his adoptive parents at the end of the month. That was another thing- No one was to bring the adoption up. Dean wasn’t sure it was denial. It appeared more like Will was pushing it deep, deep down. His anxieties only surfaced sometimes in the dark when it was just him and Dean, with their backs to the grill. He would suddenly go quiet and Dean would just know.

“Found another!” Cas announced. “Matt Wilcox. It says he was transferred to Missouri, but no paperwork to prove it.”

“We have twenty-three now,” Dean said, grimly.

They hadn’t found many leads on Sam. Will had suggested that they go by the law of omissions. Eliminate those files that had no chance of being Sam’s. Like all kids who hadn’t been admitted around the age of 6 months, or whose physical descriptions were way off. It was time consuming, but it was still something. Meanwhile, Dean used the same idea to look into Stynes. In the past three weeks since Dean had actually started investigating the matter seriously, they had come across multiple instances of paperwork that wasn’t just shoddy but didn’t make any sense. Most of these were kids who had been abruptly displaced. Dean didn’t know if bad paperwork or a complete lack of follow-up would be good enough for Jody to make a case out of it, but if they found enough files, maybe some other link could be found.

It was serious work, and Will’s periodic complaints about the lack of good flashlights- which had become an essential commodity at this point- was the only entertainment.

Dean stashed his files away and checked his watch. It was just past 4 am.

“We should get back,” he suggested. “You don’t want to fall asleep in the class again, Cas.”

“It’s what the English Lit class is meant for,” said Cas, getting up anyway and stretching his arms. Beside him, Will nodded in agreement.

Dean smiled fondly at him.

Quietly, they made their way back to the left wing under the light of a single flashlight. It was little help, but too much light could attract attention. It was vexing to crossover from the barren left wing each night, but it was much better than risking being sighted.

Just as they landed on the fourth floor, a weird creaking noise came from the further left part.

“What the hell?” Dean scowled, pointing the flashlight. There was nothing there. Acting on an instinct, he shut the light off completely, gesturing with his hands for his other companions to stay put.

As if on point, a dark figure emerged at the very end of the corridor. Dean’s breath hitched; behind him, there were similar gasps of shock.

“Shhh…” he said, pushing them back into a deeper corner. The figure at the end was well-built and tall, and was looking straight at them in the darkness, as if suspecting their presence. After a few moments that stretched too long, the figure disappeared into the hallway ahead.

They stayed put like that afterwards for what seemed like ages just to make sure that they weren’t caught; then at Dean’s signal, took another flight of stairs and reached the 5th floor, opening the door and crossing over to the dorm side of the building.

Cas sagged against the rusted iron door, with his hand over his chest. “What. The. Hell was that?” he gasped, breathing heavily. Will was looking wide eyed, completely silently now, waiting for Dean to answer the question.

“I don’t know,” Dean finally said. “Whoever it was, wasn’t scared of being found, that’s for sure.”

“You’re thinking what I’m thinking?” Cas asked, brow sweaty and furrowed. Both Dean and Will nodded.

Neither of them said it out loud, but if whoever it was didn’t care about being spotted, it was because they thought they had the upper hand. Almost like… they owned the place.

The Stynes.

“Tomorrow,” Dean said. “We find out what the hell is happening there tomorrow.”

*****************************************

All through the day Dean couldn’t concentrate. It didn’t help that Cas kept falling asleep in every class. Maybe it was the complacency from staying in a place as dangerous as the bellstone orphanage for so long, but Cas was taking their impending adventure in stride. He was behaving ordinarily. In fact , he had even prayed like he usually did in the morning.

Cas’s calm energy gradually caught up with Dean and by the time they got back from school, his nervousness was almost ebbed. It was ticking in the back of his mind that Will and Barry hadn’t joined up with them after school as they usually did, but he didn’t pay much heed to it. Lately, the school was conducting weird psych analysis on Will to determine if he was all set for the adoption and subsequently the move to New York.

Dean couldn’t think about it without feeling a punch to his gut, so he pushed the thought out of his head.

“Hey,” Cas whispered as they reached the entrance of the boys home. “I’m going to go see if I can pick some more flashlights out of Garth’s supply closet. Meet you in the dorm room later?”

“Alright.”

They had put their heads together and deduced that there was no way Garth was involved in any of the stuff going around here. As Dean made his way to the shower room, he thought to himself that it may very well be possible that Garth was completely unaware. He lived down in the town, a good five miles away from the orphanage, and rode on his decrepit motorcycle every alternate day to do the essential maintenance or janitorial stuff that boys in the home couldn’t take care of. On occasions, he had stayed over late, but it was plausible that he didn’t know that there was something sinister going on here. Besides, anyone who had met Garth knew him to be absentminded. Good, but lost in his own tune.

Somehow the thought was uplifting for Dean. Not everyone in the staff was horrible. He hadn’t given the cook and the two henchmen like dudes that seemed to hang around with Andy the benefit of the doubt yet.

The shower did its work and Dean felt alert as he made his way back to the dorm room. As he reached the 5th floor main corridor, he saw Will.

Will was white. His forehead was clammy with sweat and his eyes were wide in horror.

Every thought abandoned Dean except for a nameless alarm over Will’s horror. Was he hurt?

Before Dean could utter another word, Will came barreling forward, almost tripping over his own shoes.

“Dean!” Will said, the name falling out of his lips like both a call for help and a prayer of relief.

“What happened?” Dean asked dreading the reply

Tears Swam in Will’s eyes. Tears of helplessness and fear. “They took him, Dean,” he sobbed. “They took Barry.”

With that, he collapsed on the floor, his knees completely giving out beneath him.

Dean rushed to him, falling on his own knees. “Barry?”

Will’s lips were quivering, but his voice was surprisingly strong. “I saw him at school in the morning, but he said he was feeling sick, so they let him go early. I-I just had a bad feeling about this so I skipped the class and came back here, but Barry was just gone.”

“Hey, maybe he’s just hanging around somewhere,” Dean tried to rationalise. “Maybe he went into town instead. It’s just 6 in the evening. You don’t know that he’s decided to play hooky and be somewhere else.”

“No-no,” Will shook his head. “Barry isn’t like that. You know him! I’m his only friend and he always sticks by me. Besides, I asked this other kid who had stayed back from school today, and he said Barry had definitely come back.”

“We need to ask Andy,” Dean said. “He’ll-...”

“I asked already!” Will cried. “He said Barry was transferred.”

Shit!

“I- I,” Will said, looking around wildly. “We need to go to the left wing. I know that’s where they are keeping him. They have to be!”

Dean didn’t think it was possible to be more horrified… but somehow he did.

“Will!” Dean shook his friend by the shoulders to get him to snap out of it. “Listen to me! We will find Barry. We will go there tonight and bring him back, okay?”

Will’s eyes stilled, the black pupils were so dark they overpowered the hazel around it.

“You promise?”

Dean cursed internally, but outside, he said, “I promise.”

So fast that Dean didn’t have time to react, Will flung his arms around Dean’s middle and hugged him hard. Dean’s own hand instinctively came to rest over Will’s head, his fingers weaving into the soft brown. He could feel Will’s sobs wracking his own body, the tears staining his shirt, but Dean held on, tightening his grip on the boy, as if by sheer willpower he could fix everything that was wrong.

A part of him did not want to let go. Something deep inside was just screaming at Dean to hold on to Will and make a run for it. Leave everything behind to just protect this kid. But there were lives at stake here. He could picture Barry’s crying face when that bully at school had raised his arm at him, then the absolute faithfulness with which he looked at Will.

Dean ran his hand over Will’s shoulders, over and over till his heaves subsided.

He moved back ever so lightly to look Will in his tear stained, anguished eyes. “You listen to me now, Will. Go back to your room and wait for us to signal you at night, okay?”

Will nodded,with implicit trust in his eyes and Dean wanted to kick himself for lying.

**********************************************

Dean sprinted all the way back from Will’s room, after having walked him down there, and skidded to a halt in his dorm room, almost banging into Benny. He let out a yelp of surprise at the intrusion but then gave Dean a brief, hesitant smile. Benny had been trying to be nice after his blow out almost a month ago. Sometimes Dean could see he was struggling to say the words, to make it okay, but hadn’t been able to.

Today, he actually tried. “Hey, Dean-,” he started to say but Dean cut it off quickly.

“Where’s Cas?”

“He’s not back yet.”

Dean turned around and kicked the foot of his bed. “Damn it!” he yelled.

“Dean!”

Behind him, Cas had just entered the room, slightly sweaty and breathless, two flashlights clutched to his chest.

“Barry-”

“I know!” Cas said, forehead crumpling. “A couple of kids were talking about it.”

Dean gave another frustrated yell.

“What? What happened?” Benny asked, vigilant now, all awkwardness gone.

Hurriedly, in a low voice, Dean repeated everything that had happened with Will. When he was done, both Cas’s and Benny’s faces were identical masks of horror.

“We have to go to the west wing, Dean!” Cas said decidedly, his voice grim.

“Yes,” Benny agreed.

Dean sank down on his bed with a thud. “You can’t come with us, Benny.”

“What? Why-” Benny started to protest but Dean cut him off. Again.

“You can’t come with us, because I want you here, standing by the door, making sure no one knows or follows us.”

“I don’t see the need,” Benny reasoned. “No one will be up at night.”

Dean exhaled, slowly. “We are not going to wait for nightfall. We’re doing it now, in an hour.”

“But Will? You just said that you promised him we’ll go after the lights go out...” Cas trailed off.

“This is because of Will,” Dean said through his teeth. “I lied to him. He’s just a kid. Sneaking into the record room at night is one thing, but dragging him into this? When even I don’t know what’s waiting there? I can’t do it. Better for him to be angry with me tomorrow than risk his life. Besides, he is in no shape to go anywhere. He’s scared out of his mind for Barry.”

Dean knew everything he was saying made sense, but the real reason behind lying to Will was that Dean knew he'd be himself paralysed with fear for Will, if he was to go anywhere near whatever crap was happening in the west wing. The mere thought of Will being in danger made Dean’s knees give out.

“In fact, Cas,” Dean said slowly, “I can’t ask you to risk your life for this either.”

“Oh, shut up, Dean!” Cas sais, exasperated. “How old do you think I am? 12? I can make my own decisions and I’m coming with you.”

Dean felt his body loosen slightly with relief. While thinking of Will in a dangerous situation filled him with dread, knowing that Cas was going to be with him, made him feel relieved. Friendship was unpredictable like that… you couldn’t guess how it would make you feel.

“Alright, then,” Dean said, “This is how we do it.”

**********************************************

It was as dark as it always was in the west wing, despite it being just over 7 o clock, and the lights in the compound still on. Both Dean and Cas had their flashlights throwing lights into the far end of the corridor as they made their way through the stinking, grimy passageway. Benny had deftly taken his place next to the door, without any hesitation. Dean had handed him the set of keys and decided on a certain knocking rhythm so he would know it was them when they returned and opened the door for them. The door opened easily from the outside, and unlike the long nights, today Dean didn’t have the luxury of trying all the keys in the dark till the right one fit.

With precise coordination that only came after weeks and weeks of sneaking around in dark decrepit places, Dean and Cas moved along the decaying wall towards the end of the corridor. From what Dean knew of the building footprint, having extensively inspected the form from the outside, the corridor should lead into something of a hallway. Even as they rounded the corner, a sense of foreboding gripped Dean. In all of their nightly excursions, they had never ventured this far into the west wing. The hallway opened up into another short corridor that swiftly made a left turn, blocking all view.

Dean quickly exchanged a look with Cas, confirming that they both agreed upon continuing further ahead. The swift left turn wasn’t in fact a turn, but a narrow, crooked staircase. What was more? There was light emanating from the bottom of the stairwell. It was dim and threatening, but there was definitely something going on there. With another cautious look, Dean started descending the staircase, now switching off the flashlight. Behind him, Cas did the same. Together they climbed down, clutching the wall for support.

The staircase led all the way down till what would be the first floor. The passageway ahead was lit with less wattage bulbs emitting a dull reddish light. It was menacing. The floor itself was like the dormitory wing he slept in. Rooms on one side, next to each other, all connected by a single, small passage. But unlike the dorm, the wall opposite the rooms didn’t have a line of windows; it was blank and solid.

Suddenly there was a banging noise. Without thinking, Dean dashed ahead, passing small rooms with grilled iron doors. His peripheral vision caught something and he came to a skittering halt.

One of the rooms was unlocked and the rusted, the metal door swaying off his hinges. Inside, hanging from the ceiling were long chains that ended in shackles. What was worse? There were dark splashes on the wall- dark brown in colour- of what suspiciously looked like blood.

Dean’s stomach turned and he looked away. If there had been anything in his stomach, it would have come out now.

“Is that… is that…” Cas was too disgusted to even complete the sentence.

The banging echoed again and Dean rushed towards the door it was coming from. That particular room was in darkness as the light within had been turned off. However, there was movement in the shadowed corner.

“Dean?”

The voice was muted and hopeless… but it was definitely Barry’s.

Dean banged against the door. “Barry! Oh thank God you’re okay.”

But he had said it too quickly. For Barry’s small figure dragged its way across the small room towards the door, and in the little light reflecting from the bulbs above, Dean could see the dark wetness of blood against his face. Barry’s spectacles weren’t on him, and his leg was twisted in a way that was anything but natural.

“My God,” Cas whispered, and fell against the grill, trying to shove his hand between the rod to get to him. “Barry!”

Barry broke down completely. His face was bloodied and bruised but the most horrifying thing was the hopelessness in Barry’s eyes. He had given up.

“Barry!” Dean reached out so the tips of his fingers touched Barry’s brown hair. “I’m gonna get you out of here.”

Barry just shook his head. “They’re coming for me, Dean. I heard them, the car is right outside,” he cried, in a dead voice. “You can’t help me.”

“I’m not giving up, Damn it!” Dean said fiercely. “I’m going to get out of here and inform the police. I have a pager stashed under my clothes. They’ll free you.”

They had to free him.

“Cas,” Dean said, “Stay here and raise a riot if you see any movement or hear anything, okay? I’m gonna head up and contact Jody.”

Cas’s chin jerked up in quick acknowledgement and he shuffled closer to the grill.

Dean turned to Barry, his eyes stinging at the corners. “You hold on, Barry. Cas is right here with you. I’ll be back in a moment.”

At long last, Barry nodded, a small light of hope in his pained eyes. With one last look, Dean bolted back towards the hallway, and up through the staircase. Nothing seemed real to him anymore. He banged three times as they had decided, and within seconds the door opened. Dean stumbled out and onto the floor.

Benny was next to him in a flash. Maybe it was the look on Dean’s face or Cas’s absence, but Benny stiffened.

“I- I need to get to the pager,” Dean heaved breathlessly.

Benny didn’t ask for an explanation or even what had happened. He moved quickly and helped Dean to his feet which were starting to feel like the bones were beginning to melt. Somehow, Dean managed to stand straight and reach his room. Once there, he hauled his duffel bag from under the bed and yanked the zipper, frantically digging into the base of the bag to find the rolled up wad of socks in which he had hid the pager.

Soon, his hand wrapped around the small plastic object and he pulled it free of the clothes. He hurriedly turned it on. It seemed like an eternity before the pager beeped to life and the small line blinked on. With shaking hands Dean typed-

EMERGENCY. COME NOW.

He hit send and the pager tumbled out of his shivering hands. It would take Jody at least an hour and a half to get here. And Barry had said that the car was already here to take him. Till then Dean had to do all he could stall them.

“Get a grip!” Benny said, laying a hand on Dean’s shoulder. His voice was gruff, but kind. Dean felt a welling gratefulness towards Benny.

“Benny,” Dean said, getting to his feet. “We have to hurry, but there is one more thing I have to do.”

“What?”

“Hide Will here!”

There was a sick feeling in his stomach that refused to go away, and it only multiplied whenever he thought of Will. “I’m going down to fetch him, and then we’ll lock him in our room. I know it sounds stupid but I just… I…”

“You don’t need to explain, brother,” Benny said. “I understand how you feel. I would have done the same for Jaime. I’ll go find Castiel in the west wing, you find Will.”

Dean quickly explained the location of Cas and Barry, and then Dean was running again. It was dinner time so he rushed to the dinning hall first, but in all the crowd, he couldn’t spot Will’s particular mop of brown hair. With rising alarm he looked in the library, the game room, even the godforsaken record room, but his friend wasn’t to be found anywhere. Finally, almost on the verge of nausea, Dean reached Will’s room. His sandy haired roommate was sitting on the bunk bed, shuffling through laundry clothes.

“Will?” Dean asked, throat parched. “Where’s Will?”

The kid gave Dean an odd look. “He’s not here,” he said. “Left with Andy a while ago.”

The blood in Dean’s veins seemed to go cold.

“Andy?”

“Yeah,” the kid shrugged. “Andy said his adoptive parents were here for him, for some urgent formality. That their car was waiting outside. Will wanted to say goodbye to you, but Andy said he could say it when he came back.”

The car was waiting outside.

Blood thundered in Dean’s ears, and without his mind directing, his body moved, taking him upstairs in a desperate numbness.

Outside, his body collided with Cas’s.

Castiel was crying. There was a thin stream of blood trickling down the side of his face, along his ear and neck.

“Barry is gone,” he said, voice completely hollow. “I was waiting there, but something hit me hard on the head and I clocked out. When I came to, Benny was standing over me and Barry w- was... gone.

From the grounds, there was a sharp sound of an engine revving, and all three of them turned to watch through the north windows as two cars drove away from the fence… their tail lights becoming pinpoints as they disappeared into the night.

*******************************

A/N 2: Man, I am soooo sorry for the cliffy! If it helps, the next chapter is written. I’ll post it within the week!

Please do tell me what you thought of the chapter? I live for comments!

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squeeneyart · 4 years

Text

Breathe in the Salt - Chapter 9

AO3

Beta reader as always is @thesnadger

Filing systems are discussed.

Someone has been poking around.

“These locks haven’t been replaced in years,” Sasha mumbled. She was on her knees, gently poking and prodding the old padlock that secured the storage house’s back door. “Should be easy work, but it may take some time to avoid breaking it.” Unrolling a bag, Martin could see thin, metal tools with different heads and lengths.

Jon and Martin kept themselves pressed low against the wall. Every once in a while, Jon would check his phone for any warnings from Tim, careful to keep the light covered with his hand. Martin kept his eyes and ears trained on the woods nearby.

It was largely useless, as Martin couldn’t see shit. There was security to that, in a ‘he couldn’t see them, they couldn’t see him’ sort of way. The others hadn’t been concerned about things like night vision goggles or cameras. Something about wealthy families being tightfisted and how Martin’s salary was a miracle. In the dark they would be secure, unless a bear chose to join the party.

With every second that ticked by, tension grew in Martin’s stomach. The tiny clicks of Sasha’s instruments were an alarm in his ears with nothing to cover them. His eyes wouldn’t adjust in the thick dark surrounding them, and eventually he screwed his eyes shut to stop his vision from shifting and swirling.

“Ha!” Sasha said, setting the lock beside her and stowing away her tools. “Okay, careful now.” With a gentle pressure, she turned the handle and pushed open the door. The three waited, listening for any disturbances in the darkness of the storage house. When nothing happened, Sasha motioned for the others to follow inside.

“All right,” Jon said, his voice low. “Based on the outside, we should head to that side area. The far door should go into that room connecting to the front entrance.”

“Should? Didn’t you check this place out before?” Martin asked, his voice jumping up a register.

“Of course we did! But as mentioned previously, getting inside was-”

Sasha said with gritted teeth, “We can go over our planning abilities later. We need to get moving!”

Martin continued forward but added quietly, “Wow, very reassuring.”

From both of his companions, he earned a resounding “Shut up” that would’ve hurt if it weren’t for their perfectly matching inflections.

Keeping their torches off, they let the wall lead them to the entryway. Through it, a few windows to their left were just visible by the small amount of light that periodically entered with the turning of the lighthouse beam. With this small illumination, Martin could make out the edges of large shelving units.

Sasha and Jon set themselves to work, taking thick blankets out of their packs and hanging them over the window frames. “Don’t worry, we tested these with our phone lights.” Sasha said, covering the last window. She hesitated, then added, “Well, probably best not to point your torch directly at them, but otherwise they should be fine.”

With their torches (mostly) safe to use, Martin could now see the room in full. Tall bookshelves sat in several rows facing the entryway. In the nearby corner was a small set of drawers. The wall was lined with filing cabinets, and all the way in the back right corner sat a small number of wooden crates.

Martin pointed in the direction of the crates. “I’ll check those out, unless either of you want crowbar duty?” In response, Jon slipped between the bookshelves. Sasha smiled and waved her tools toward the cabinets. He sighed. “Right. My fault for volunteering.”

Before heading over, Martin went to the drawers up front and found some nails of different sizes, perfect for covering his tracks. Pushing them into the wood with a crowbar would be slow going, but it was better than risking the pounding of a hammer in the middle of the night.

Sasha swore as he walked by. “Some of these are locked. It’ll take some time if I try to open them all.”

“Do what you can with the unlocked ones for now. I’ll look for some sort of catalogue,” Jon said, and Martin heard what he judged to be the most academic sniffle. “If these people bother with a proper filing system.”

Sasha snickered. “Don’t worry, I’m sure the Lukases have thrown everything around willy-nilly just to vex you.”

“And yet it would still be better than our own archive. If you ask me, Elias prefers the mess of it, as if it helps us any for him to know where everything is.”

“God, you’re bringing this up now.”

On his way to the crates, Martin peeked at Jon who was scowling at the shelves. “So, what, you just have to ask him where anything is? What happens if you can’t reach him?”

Jon grimaced. “You spend several hours getting stabbed with the edges of old, misfiled reports on haunted petunias.”

Sasha laughed, and Martin continued to the back corner, accepting that he must’ve missed some inside joke. Bending over the first crate, Martin braced himself on the side of its lid and checked for labels. All he found was a small series of letters and numbers.

“Fuck.” He straightened and went for the bookshelves, walking back and forth along them to scan for anything obvious. What would a file directory look like? A bound book? A file folder?

After a couple of frustrating minutes, he heard from the other side, “Try looking for a binder. Easy to remove and change organizational data. I haven’t found anything on my end yet.”

“Oh. Thanks,” Martin replied, his face burning. “Not exactly familiar with this sort of thing.”

With new direction, he located a low shelf with several binders, and tucked between two dusty tomes was his target: page after page of a coded file system with labels and descriptions, split into different storage types. He let the others know, and Sasha looked through them until she found something of interest in the cabinets.

Flipping through the pages, Martin located the proper entry and walked back over to the crates.

It was some personal belongings of an N. Lukas, some long dead relative. Nothing jumped out as important, so he dismissed it and went to the other crates. He had to climb on one to get a proper look at the one sitting on top of it. Checking the entry, he huffed out a small sound of curiosity and slid the crowbar out of his bag.

“Found something?” Jon said, peeking from behind the shelf.

“Yeah, I think so. Time to learn about my predecessor.”

With as little sound as he could muster, Martin slid the crowbar under the wood and used his weight as leverage. It was difficult from where he stood on the other crate, but eventually there was a sharp crack. Everyone froze, but after a moment of nothing they returned to work. Carefully pushing the top, Martin peered inside.

The contents were sparse considering the size of the crate. A sturdy leather jacket was neatly folded in a corner. A stack of documents in a file folder were held together with a red rubber band. Finally, in a small plastic bag, he could see a worn wallet and a mobile phone.

“There we go.” Opening the bag, he took the phone to examine. Dead, of course. He turned it over to check the charging port. “Does anyone have a charger for this? It uses one of the older universal ones.”

“Check in my bag. I’ve almost got this,” Sasha said, hands still busy with their lockpicking.

Digging through the pack, Martin found the charger and plugged it into a nearby outlet. It would be a few minutes before Martin could learn its usability, so he started flipping through the banded-together papers. There were some school transcripts, job and school applications, and other documents that felt strange for a family to be holding onto, but Martin couldn’t judge sentimentality.

Tucked in the back of the file was a newspaper clipping from the date of Evan’s death. It was as Martin had heard before: cause of death was an “unspecified congenital heart problem”; died on his way home from work; found by his mother on the day of; vague mention of a nameless fiancée.

He checked the phone again, which seemed to be charging at a slow but steady rate. Another crate would have to do in the meantime. With its lightweight cargo, Martin managed to move it to the floor and check the one underneath. Nothing of interest, same with the one stacked on top in the corner. He enlisted Jon in lifting it up off the one below, then checked for the latter’s entry in the book.

“Oh thank goodness,” Martin breathed, feeling a weight lift off of his shoulders. “It has to be in here.” Removing the lid, he found himself staring at a treasure trove of what the entry had referred to as Peter’s “personal collection”, a vague term for a disorganized mess.

The items varied wildly, thrown across each other with no care or preservation. Some of them were, to Martin’s untrained eye, seemingly precious artifacts belonging on display in a museum, not rotting away in an old crate in the middle of nowhere. Many were books bound in different styles. He tried to be gentle with the older ones as he looked across the covers and set them aside one-by-one. If any of these items were lost in a bet like Simon’s, the person involved must still be kicking themselves.

He almost missed it. In the corner of a book, Simon’s neat, tiny signature was etched into the leather. The urge to open it made Martin’s hands tingle. He took off his scarf and wrapped it around the sketchbook, placing it carefully inside his bag. Curiosity had pushed him far enough that night. Whatever might’ve been going on with that book, Simon was threatening enough for Martin to use extra caution.

Using his crowbar, he lightly tapped a nail into the already-made hole. It wouldn’t be strong under scrutiny with the splintered wood, but from the outside, it looked good as new.

A small hum came from between the shelves. “Anything interesting?” Martin asked.

Jon coughed. “Possibly. Information on some of the industries the Lukas family are involved in. The list is… extensive. I think they might’ve also destroyed the local fishing economy, but that’s just conjecture on my part.”

Sasha sighed from the cabinets. “I’ve found a little on the lighthouse, but nothing on its origins. I can’t even find where the Lukas family would’ve purchased it from. However-” She waved a sheet of paper. “Turns out, Simon Fairchild made an attempt at a joint ownership of the place years ago. Rejected, of course, but I wonder what he wanted from it, besides another nice view.” She took a quick photo of it and replaced it in its file.

Martin enlisted in Jon’s help once more to re-cover the crate of Peter’s collection with the other crate. As they finished, the phone beeped from the floor, and the two swung around at the noise. “Okay, okay,” Martin jogged over and swiped at the screen. “Shit, of course.”

While it hadn’t been wiped completely, all email, phone, and text messages had been erased, along with any photos or videos. No record of Evan’s days at the lighthouse, or why he had come back in the first place. Shaking off the disappointment, Martin looked through Evan’s contacts.

His many, many contacts.

Sure, he had been a popular guy in school, but he’d spread himself out in the years away from the little town. It took all of Martin’s will not to scroll quickly through the myriad of names. With the sheer number, it seemed Evan had resorted to leaving notes on them. To avoid mixing people up? Most likely, considering he had at least four Daves listed.

Evan had kept track of a lot of people. Many had clearly been his friends from his little notes about them. Where he met them, or who he knew them through, or little things that Martin could only assume were inscrutable inside jokes.

The mere thought of talking to Evan had sent a younger Martin running. The intimidation factor had been so strong in the moment. It felt stupid now, and Martin sat for a moment to take in the volume of people who hadn’t let something like fear stop them from talking to a genuinely nice person.

It was no time to regret dumb social decisions from his teen years. He continued scrolling until a contact jumped out at him. Cheesy little hearts trailed after the name.

Naomi Herne.

He looked up at Sasha, who was thumbing through the binder. “Sasha, could you check something for me? A name, Naomi Herne. I think it might be Evan’s mystery fiancée.” He noted down her number along with Evan’s just in case.

“Sure thing,” Sasha said.

Martin finished scrolling and failed to find any other pertinent names. The fact they hadn’t been erased felt odd, but when no explanation came to him, he turned the phone off and placed it back inside the plastic bag. Along with the stack of documents, he dropped the bag back into the crate, sealed it shut and climbed back down to the floor.

From behind him, he could hear Jon back between the shelves, mumbling to himself. His phone camera’s flash reflected off the finished wood of the bookshelves. Martin was about to ask Jon about his findings, but Sasha made a noise of recognition.

She focused on an entry, then walked over to one of the cabinets. “Huh. Guess not everything is locked.” She sifted through the folders and slid one out to browse its contents. It was heftier than Martin had expected.

Sasha’s eyes grew wide. “Oh. Ms. Herne was very busy.”

“What?” Martin walked across the room to read over her shoulder. Sasha’s current focus was… a restraining order?

“What the hell?” Sasha said. She flipped through some more papers. “There’s… there’s location info. Looks like they’ve been keeping tabs on her. And here, some kind of documentation of her movements in town months back.”

The wheels turned in Martin’s head. “They didn’t want her in town. Maybe she-”

There was a small thump from the bookshelves, and Jon ran toward the windows. “We need to go. Now!” Jon hissed, pulling down a hanging blanket.

“Shit.” Sasha looked at Naomi’s file and placed it in the drawer, shutting it tight. The three of them grabbed the blankets and stuffed them into their bags, and through the window, Martin could see the smallest hint of light near the street. Sasha slipped toward the exit. “Quick, out the back door!”

Doing their best without light, the three snuck down the hall and out from where they had come. Martin heard the door across the hall being opened just as they slipped outside. Jon was quick to slap on the padlock, and the three bolted into the dark wood.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck,” Martin gasped, refusing to look behind him. He heard footsteps close by, and from near his shoulder he could hear Jon’s hoarse, quiet breath. “If we go this way, I-I think I can keep us off the road.”

“As long as they didn’t see the blankets get torn down, there won’t be any other signs we were there,” Jon said, managing to get a bit ahead of Martin despite his shorter stature.

“You’d better be right. Sasha, was there another meeting point?” Martin asked.

No one answered, and Martin’s blood went cold. The only steps around him were Jon’s. “Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Should we go back?”

Jon hesitated, then said through his own panting, “If something happened, w-we can’t stop now. It’s possible she ran in another direction. Going back wouldn’t be of any help. We need- we need somewhere to wait and hide. Once we have that, I-I’ll text Tim something innocuous in case something happened outside.”

Martin felt sweat running down his neck under his many layers of clothing. From where they were, he charted a course in his head. “Okay. I think I know a way to avoid town altogether.”

Using the distant beacon of the lighthouse as a reference point, the two ran through the forest. Every once in a while Martin would make a sharp turn, causing Jon to stumble after him. Trees jumped into their path, slowing the pace considerably, and after a few minutes the ground began to dip downward.

There was no running on the slope without risk, and Martin slowed them both down to stop and listen for the sound of pursuers. As they waited in silence, holding back gasps for air, Martin could feel tiny scratches on his cheeks from branches that had caught him unawares. The only sounds were the screeching of insects and the beating of his own heart.

“Okay. No more running, but keep moving down,” Martin said, willing the blood in his ears to be still.

The sun still had some time before properly rising, but exhaustion slapped Martin in the face as he stood on his front porch, fiddling with his keys.

“...You really think this is a good idea?” Jon said, straining to keep his voice low while still maintaining an appropriate level of incredulity. A yawn crept in at the end, lessening the effect.

Martin shushed him, unlocking the front door. “They have no reason to look down here. The woods are thick, and the path I took us through is weird enough that we could’ve gone in any direction. If anyone ever was following us.”

Jon grumbled and checked his phone again. He had texted Tim once they touched the stone-covered beach with no response, and grew visibly more worried with each passing minute.

“You all have plans for this sort of thing, right?” Martin asked, one hand on the door. “Covered your bases?”

Swallowing hard, Jon said, “Y-yes. I’m sure Tim and Sasha are fine. They’re resourceful people.” He checked his phone one more time, then stuffed the phone in his pocket. “I have full confidence in them.”

Tim had been right. Jon was a terrible actor, avoiding eye contact and letting his voice falter when he should’ve kept strong. Of course Jon was worried about his friends.

Martin cleared his throat. “Good. I’m sure we’ll hear from them soon. If we managed to escape, there’s no way Sasha got caught.”

It took a moment, but Jon took in a deep breath and nodded. “Right. We’ll hear from them soon.”

Martin ushered him inside and toward the stairs. “Mum is a heavy sleeper, but still, be quiet please. We’re heading to the attic. She can't get up the stairs on her own, so there's no risk of her finding you.”

They walked up the steps and kept a slow pace across the upstairs hall. Martin pulled a rope at the end, releasing a ladder he just barely caught and set against the ground. Jon crawled up and into the small space.

“I’ll be right back,” Martin whispered. “Gonna stuff some things back where they’re supposed to be.” He left to replace his supplies into their proper drawers and boxes.

After most of his things were put away, he took the sketchbook, still wrapped in a scarf, and slid it into the drawer of his nightstand, underneath his small notebook of poetry. He would have to figure out a good delivery method another time, when he wasn’t exhausted and filled with dread.

Before returning to the attic, he checked his own phone. He had also received Tim’s warning text, a simple “Time to go!”. It didn’t look like a message sent under duress. If Sasha had gotten into trouble, Tiim would’ve been around to help, and vice versa. Chances were they had all made it out okay, and the other two were being careful on their way back to their hotel.

Martin climbed up the ladder to the attic. “Any news?” he asked, pulling the ladder up behind him.

From the other side of the room, Jon faced away from him and knelt in the corner. “They’re fine. She took a different route and met up with Tim. They’re at the hotel now.” There was a tremor in his voice.

Martin’s heart squeezed in his chest, and he shut the small trap door. “That’s good. Are you doing okay? I know it got bad at the end there, and-”

Jon stood and turned. His face was contorted with confusion and fury, and clasped in his grip was the limp, dusty skin of a seal.

Every muscle tensed in Martin’s body as all but the thing in Jon’s hands faded from sight. Martin barely choked out, “Why-”

“You’re going to explain what this is doing here. Now.”

#tma #the magnus archives #breathe in the salt #martin blackwood #jonathan sims #sasha james #timothy stoker #peter lukas #fanfic #au fanfic #selkie au

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tameila · 4 years

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I used to be on tumblr but I gave it up and I'm afraid to log back in but i'm DESPERATE to know what was up with Vax and Percy (and Percy's backstory) from TSAR - also I binged it all in one night, and you'll get a review on ao3 in a bit - it may be 4:30 in the morning here, and one of my contacts fell out while I was reading because eyestrain oops. Just please, I'm so desperate to know!

first of all, I hope you got a nice, long sleep after reading!! It doesn’t matter how many times I hear someone say it; it humbles me to this day that my fic can be the kind that people wanna read straight through without stop. 🥺💜☀️

also, thank you so much for leaving a comment, which I shall reply to asap, because I was literally lamenting just the other day that I was sitting pretty at 398 comments and all I needed was one (1) more comment - to which I could reply - and I could have a nice even 400. thank you for making my dreams come true!

now, onto your question...I always say that eventually I’m going to get around to writing out the story of Perc’ahlia and Vax in TSAR ‘verse. I do have a prequel of sorts to TSAR planned that is the story of Perc’ahlia, but...I’m gonna be completely honest, I don’t see it being written in the next decade. so, while I usually answer this question with a general overview, I’ve decided to go a little more in-depth and I’m gonna try to lay out the whole story of Perc’ahlia in TSAR as concisely as I can...

TL;DR (in case you don’t wanna read the bullet point novel i’m about to write): Vex’s story of finding Percy in the woods is the truth. She found him in the woods while on fire watch. Percy, by all legal means, is a man that died years ago. Vax, being a reasonable brother, does not trust that shit. I originally planned for Pike to find this out in chapter 16 during her convo with Vax with Vax again mentioning how he does not truly trust Percy but knows he has to respect Vex’s decisions. Pike, unable to control her curiosity, weasels the story out of him. but, in the end, taking their convo in that direction didn’t feel right for the story, so I took it out.

and, now, the main course!

Vax and Vex left home as soon as they finished high school and began traveling together across the country. Vax loved traveling, and Vex went along with it. She wanted to go where Vax went but, deep down, she longed to settle somewhere. As the years went on, it became clear that Vax did not share that want. Eventually, that divide in their wants for the future led to an argument and a falling out between the siblings.

This is when Vex took up the fire watch position in the mountains near Westruun. She figured it would be good - to be off the grid so she could really think and consider what she wanted - and, selfishly, it was nice to finally be on her own for once in her life. With her, she took her newly found lifelong companion, a Newfoundland puppy named Trinket.

About two weeks into her fire watch, while making her way back to her post at sunset, Vex stumbled upon a man who appeared to have been lost in the woods and mountains for some time. However, as she reached for her comms, the man stopped her and begged for her to not turn him in. He only asked for a place to rest for the night. Swayed by his pleas, Vex agreed, and that night he slept on the balcony of her post while she lay awake all night in fear that he might reveal himself to be some wild woods murderer. He didn’t and, in the morning, he accepted the breakfast that Vex offered and then disappeared back into the woods.

Over the next month, Vex would continue to run into Percy or traces of him. They began to build a rapport. Vex would leave him food and clothes and other supplies. Percy, in turn, offered connection, a human touch point in a vast wilderness, that Vex found she needed as she struggled with missing her brother but accepting that she needed to sever her dependence on him if she wanted to grow on her own.

Eventually, Vex invited Percy to just stay at her post with her. He refused at first but, slowly, over days and days, he came by everyday until he just never left again.

For the rest of the summer, they grow together and closer. Percy comes out his shell more and more. Vex discovers who she is in the woods and the fiery sunsets and muggy summer nights. Vex definitely has at least one more moment where she’s like,”holy shit what am I doing? this man could turn on a heel at any moment and murder me” but, as she reaches for her walkie to call hq, she finds she just can’t do it.

and eventually, she does get the story from Percy: He’s a ghost, a dead man walking. Legally dead, that is. See, there was a horrible tragedy some years back, the de Rolo family of Whitestone Enterprises - the Mr. and Mrs. and their seven children - all died in a house fire. Well, all seven children as far as the news knows, but Percy claims to be the third child and says that it was not a tragic accident but a murder instead. He has been on the run ever since.

When the summer ends, Vex tells Percy that she plans to move to Westruun and start her new life. Percy asks, if it wouldn’t be too much of a bother, if he might go where she goes. He’s tired of running. Maybe it’s time to live again. Maybe it’s time to see what comes next.

Now, imagine this story from Vax’s side, he has an argument with his sister. She leaves to go off into the woods for a whole summer and, when she comes back, she comes back with some random guy that she found out in the woods. Vex tells him that he can trust Percy, but...Come on! That’s sketchy as hell!

It gets even sketchier when Vex asks him if he still has contact with people who can get fake documents and IDs. He knows they were teenage runaways, but -- damn, he’s an antiquer now!!

He does get the full story eventually. Not that it helps Percy’s case. and Vax spends years, up through TSAR as you know, not sure of Percy’s intentions and never fully trusting him.

there is more to the story! I am planning to reveal a bit about it in the TSAR sequels, whenever I get around to them, but I hope this was enough to satiate your curiosity for now 💖

#ask #anon #The Sun Always Rises #thanks again for stopping by!!#thank you so much for reading my story!!#and thanks for giving me the opportunity to word dump about the perc'ahlia side of the 'verse 😙✌️#Anonymous

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cameoamalthea · 4 years

Text

On DMs, Players, and Trust

“Of all the themes I want to explore, the Traveler-Jester relationship is one that I’m being very careful with. It can go into a dark path, which I don’t want to, and I don’t want it to even lean that way.”

— Matthew Mercer in Talks Machina Episode 146 - Discussing Up to c2e109 (via icouldbeherpocketbacon)

Matt Mercer is a good DM. And I don’t mean that in a he’s a professional actor with years of experience in VO work that makes him especially gifted at portraying NPCs or even a talented DM with years of experience crafting dungeons, building encounters, planning stories and running games. You don’t need that to be a good DM.

What you do need is to always respect your players and their experience, and try to make sure everyone at the table is having fun. That you’re all having fun together because at the end of the day you’re playing a game.

A couple of weeks ago I saw a take that really bothered me and has been sort of eating at me:

[Artagan is] not a person with whom anyone would start a relationship like Jester has, knowing him as a person. He was her childhood best friend, the one who was there for her when she was alone. And what a brilliant trap Matt has set that Laura is rising to so masterfully- Jester is so determined to stick with him despite everything Laura knows, and she keeps rising to his level over and over again

And now that I can articulate why, I want to talk about it (without hijacking @wellbustmybuffers post. Also this isn’t a call out. But I’m also not gonna vague post or not attribute the points I’m responding to because if you want to want to anything I say, then you should be informed of this post so you can, if you want : ) )

Matt did not trap Laura. A DM should not set ‘traps’ for players that override their agency.

Literal traps in a dungeon are fine because everyone is sitting down and consenting to play a game where you as players explore dungeons and face dangers, including traps. Your characters can die through bad rolls or poor choices, that’s part of the game everyone agrees to play together. However, a DM should NEVER force a player into a role playing a scenario they did not sign up to play or could make the player uncomfortable.

There are plenty of DND horror stories out there, and a lot of them stem from this kind of behavior. A DM kills a player’s animal companion off screen because they think animal companions are OP, causing a player to leave in tears. Or (TW rape, bigotry, homophobia, sexism, everything) a DM who crosses every line imaginable. And even outside of worst case horror stories, putting players in a situation where they don’t get to play a game they enjoy or are forced into situations they didn’t anticipate is not good. Of course, players can consent to play whatever type of game. If you want a backstory where you’re a warlock of a mysterious force that you know nothing about and the DM asks, are you cool if the mysterious patron might be evil, then that’s cool. Like whatever the players find cool and interesting is fine. You want to play a drow or a goblin in a world where they are hated and feared and play with having to disguise yourself and deal with hatred - again that’s cool. But you don’t inflict conflicts on the player they didn’t sign up for. If they want to play a goblin for fun and want acceptance/don’t want to rp racism, respect that.

It would not be ok if Matt saw that Laura had a backstory where her god was her mysterious imaginary friend and she loved him and then he sprung it on her that her best friend was actually a terrible guy no one would want for a friend. A DM should not hijack a player’s backstory or railroad them into losing their best friend or having to change their concept.

[Artagan is] not a person with whom anyone would start a relationship like Jester has, knowing him as a person.

Laura Bailey wanted her character to have a relationship like that knowing Artagan as a person because Laura loved him in CR1.

You can see it in how Vex reacts to Artagan. When they first meet in The Echo Tree:

MATT: “All right. Travel safe. Stay alive. And maybe visit. If you get lonely.” And he gives a deep bow and just vanishes.

LAURA: He was fucking cool.

TALIESIN: Dear god, let’s get out of here before something else happens.

LAURA: I really liked him.

When they meet again in Dark Dealings

LAURA: No, he was great!

MARISHA: He was cool.

SAM: Wasn't he the guy who sketched us and was creepy?

LAURA: Yeah, he was funny, and he also helped us, and he also enjoyed us because we were weird.

Vex liked him even after he asked if he could strangle her unkillable brother after the party offers him ‘a good time’ in exchange for a favor’ and Vax agrees, so they do). When Vax comes back, Vex invites Artagan to dinner and asked him for help identifying things in The Final Ascent.

LAURA: Artagan can join us.

MATT: Oh, he does. Don't worry. As soon as you guys begin to eat, at the far end of the table you see the orange mane erupt from the side of table as he takes a seat. "Oh, wondrous. I appreciate this, thank you."

LIAM: So did that live up to your expectations, then?

MATT: "Hello. It was all right."

LIAM: New hobby, or--?

MATT: "I don't know. Have to try when they're not willing. That's a joke; that's a joke."

LAURA: Okay. Hey, Artagan, can you look at this wand?

MATT: It's a war wand. It's a plus one wand. For anyone who's casting a spell through it, it's a plus one modifier to DC.

LAURA: Oh, do you have to attune?

MATT: Generally you have to attune to these, yeah.

LAURA: Okay. Great. All right. Thanks.

Laura liked this character so much that she worked him into her character’s backstory. Before she wanted to play Jester as a cleric, she wanted to play Jester as a character who is best friends with Artagan and they play pranks together. Knowing exactly who Artagan is as a person, Laura wanted her character to be his best friend, Talks Machina Discussing Episode 94

My original plan was to make a warlock, and I was going to make a warlock with the fey pack to Artagan and then I was gonna have the book...There's a thing called the book - the book pact or something like that, and I was like what a way to worship him! With like a spell book with like lewd drawings and it, that's so perfect. Yeah, and then Travis was like ‘what? Warlock? Oh ok”. And then I was like, oh shit I have to be cleric. And so I asked Matt, can I still have him as my god? And Matt’s like yeah, we can make it work.

This is what a good DM does. They listen to what their player wants to do with a character concept and they make it work because they want their players to have fun. Laura Bailey wanted Artagan and made up a backstory that would allow a relationship with him since there’s a class for that (fey pact Warlock) but when her husband decided to go Warlock she decided to go Cleric and Matt made it work so she could keep her concept and play with the NPC she loved and wanted as her best friend. Matt didn’t trick Laura, Matt didn’t trap Laura, listened to Laura and worked with her to give her the warlock/patron or cleric/deity relationship she wanted to have and play. Because that’s what good DMs do.

#dnd #Critical Role #dming #Artagan #jester lavorre

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

Text

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: That hoodie was yours anyway so welcome for finally getting it back Jimmy: Knew the 🚬 hole weren't you 🤓 Janis: cheek Janis: I've took well good care of it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: it's too early for your condescension Janis: 🤐 unless you're saying tah for not having to walk home in a mini skirt Jimmy: but not too early for your 🤓 words, eh? Jimmy: I get it, only one of us is allowed to show off Janis: showing off your pins in the PM is a different vibe completely to the AM, trust Janis: be well 💔 if you got molested/hate crimed Jimmy: Oi, it's well 💔 that you've forgotten how 💪🏆 I am, pisshead Jimmy: 👻🥊 Janis: 1. you were AS wasted, you didn't even get home so, worse, some would say 2. you pretty much pissed yourself when the kid came charging in so I might need reminding before I believe that again Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: is it though Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: but if you need it SHOUTED, alright Janis: gonna need 📣 and then some Janis: back in the middle of nowhere now Jimmy: should've said, you could've had the 🐑 costume Jimmy: Gracie'd never 👀 you Janis: had to happen eventually Janis: the last thing I wanna do is #twin Janis: hopefully she ain't here Jimmy: easy, just steer clear of the ✨ Janis: not so easy at this time of year Janis: shit gets everywhere Jimmy: if you ain't up to the challenge, Jill Janis: seeing as I avoid them a lot better than you do Janis: pretty confident on that Jimmy: #whenshesnotthelassyouthoughtshewere 😭🎻💔 Jimmy: but it's alright I'll ❌ out the bollocks and leave the compliment about how you look Janis: 🙄 cry me a river, dickhead Jimmy: nowt challenging about that Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: glad I ain't gotta fake my 😍 right now Jimmy: too 🥺 about leaving me an' all, obvs Jimmy: ALWAYS on the same page, us Janis: Obvs Janis: don't worry, christmas with my family is shit enough that's what they'll all reckon from the 😒 Jimmy: weren't Jimmy: only 1 of 'em is in our target audience Jimmy: and if she were a 🖍 it'd be no dickhead's fave colour Janis: just 💪 that I don't need the day off Jimmy: DUH Jimmy: so impressive, you Janis: tah for the validation Janis: christmas came early Jimmy: long as it's just 🎄 Jimmy: don't need that rumour spread about, tah Janis: 😂 Janis: save it for the bitter breakup Jimmy: for all the dickheads in my DMs it'd put off, there'd be lasses taking it as a challenge or compliment Janis: true Janis: just go with my original plan and pretend you never existed Janis: what's more damning Janis: 👻❓ Jimmy: sir weren't having that Janis: number 1 fan? Jimmy: of me having a beard so he can have me behind shut classroom doors Janis: an idea Janis: I'll just out you Jimmy: new lad with no mates ✔ Jimmy: shit home life ✔ Jimmy: worked it all out, him Jimmy: gutted he can't do the same with you and your 😈💡 Janis: how many teachers they need for an official ring? Jimmy: dunno, tried to google it, well distracted now Janis: 🚨🚨 Jimmy: undercover 👮🚔 perks Jimmy: it were all for a case, mate Janis: too real Jimmy: 💰 on Mia's dad trying that one on an' all Janis: oldest trick in the book Jimmy: #defensesquad Janis: in good company Jimmy: first time he'll have heard that Janis: except from his delightful daughter, obvs Janis: no news on how in the shit she is Janis: I'll 🔍 Jimmy: I'll ask Asia, nowt that lass won't tell me Janis: aren't you #blessed Jimmy: 🎁 that keeps on giving Jimmy: and you reckoned 🎄 came early for you Janis: 🤢 Janis: too early for that as well Jimmy: if I open my DMs to find she's wrapped a bow round herself you don't wanna know, I get it Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: I really don't Janis: 'til you're gonna go there and then give me 48hrs notice tah Jimmy: never gonna be that pissed, you're alright Janis: 😏 never again, is it? Janis: my grandparents were in a mood so maybe you did spray their bathroom with puke Jimmy: never her Jimmy: and you could be proud of me for finding their 🚽 dickhead Janis: never said I weren't Janis: they don't know how challenged and northern you are Jimmy: what I'm hearing is you're dead proud they never heard me 🗨 Jimmy: 🔇🏆 Janis: you must've been signing Janis: I dunno Jimmy: if that's what I were doing with my hands I'm chuffed you can't remember owt Jimmy: be a piss poor review Janis: I weren't THAT drunk Janis: but I'll keep that 🤐 in my general daily praise of you for the socials 🙄 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I weren't Janis: twat Jimmy: 👌 Janis: U G H Janis: what are you doing on your day off then Janis: 'cos yeah, I caught that bit of their 📞 Jimmy: whatever he wants Janis: cute Jimmy: leave it out, I know you caught how 😁 he were an' all Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt ain't just for you, Joan Janis: I was being sincere, actually Jimmy: were you? Janis: yeah Janis: it's cute he likes you so much Jimmy: he don't know any better Jimmy: give him a bit Janis: you've got a few years 'til hormones are an issue Jimmy: tah for the reminder Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: better off 🤞 there ain't any more Janis: could always book him a vasectomy for his 🎁 Jimmy: least my mum dunno which doorstep is ours to leave any 👶 on Janis: silver lining Janis: my sister'll be here with her brats now Jimmy: I should've got you a 🎻🎁 Jimmy: Have you got Libi an' all? Janis: you should've booked me a medical coma Janis: yeah, we usually all get together, at least for the meal Janis: it's ridiculous Jimmy: tah for my invite Janis: 🎟 to the 🎪 Janis: nah, you're alright Jimmy: so what, been working on my 🤹 for nowt? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: you could come to midnight mass Janis: that's a fun thing my sister forces me to do Jimmy: I get it, you didn't get your 🎄🔥 Jimmy: as a stand in goes, any heathen'll do Janis: it's Catholicism Janis: all 😈 happily welcomed Jimmy: alright then Janis: 😂 yeah right Jimmy: if our kid ain't asleep, he can do my sister's head in for a bit Janis: you want a chance to piss off my other nan? Janis: she'll probably love you 'cos shit home life ✔ Jimmy: I were in it for the 🎨 but you've sold that an' all now Janis: 'course you were Janis: why not Janis: if I HAVE to go Jimmy: can I borrow your 👼🏽 ootd or is it too fucked from last night? Janis: Sadly that literal piece of fabric I'd wrapped around myself did not last the evening Janis: you'll think of something, I know Jimmy: it'll be round a 🎄 by now Jimmy: whoever's got the 🥇 shrine going Janis: graced by my 🍑 Janis: what could be more 🙌🙏 worthy Jimmy: nowt OBVS Janis: tah babes Jimmy: [a picture of all the carnage Twix has caused with these decs cos she's a naughty bab] Janis: 😬 uh-oh Janis: no more nice list Jimmy: can kinky Jesus top that for 🎨? Janis: top of the list always Janis: favourite son Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: I get why you 💕🙌🙏 me now Janis: ha Janis: fairplay I'll lead with that comparison when introducing you Jimmy: it's a good shout Janis: it's not but it's blasphemous Janis: might get an exorcism out of it 🤞 Jimmy: I can't help being white, soz Janis: this is my 🤶🏾 so she'll be vexed x2 Janis: well done Jimmy: not calling you a slag again but if you wanna give me my 🏆 in a way that'd have Jesus chuffed to bits and her fuming, I'll live Jimmy: 💭 on it for a bit Janis: 🤔 Janis: washing your feet with my hair or??? Janis: ask Gracie, hers is detachable Jimmy: I know you don't wanna twin but about the only place I ain't found strands of yours is between my toes Jimmy: tah for not making me hold it back last night Jimmy: two handed job, that Janis: if that's what you were doing with your hands, loads to brag about in the review Janis: I dunno then, fish supper? Jimmy: stick it in the group chat ❌🤮 bit and we'll see if 💀👑 still has her phone Janis: about my lack of a gag reflex? Janis: #hardrelate and they're 😭😭 they lost it Janis: more valuable 🍒 Jimmy: her dad wouldn't agree and he'll not have stopped 😭😭 about that lad Janis: can get surgery to pop that back Janis: her ma will know Jimmy: 🎄🎁 sorted Janis: he'll still KNOW Janis: no going back to being 👸 Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: who's not got a dad now, like Janis: #disowned Jimmy: if she kills herself and I get stuck with her 👻 Jimmy: that there's a REAL rom com, soz babe Janis: happily let her take you off my hands Jimmy: 👍 Janis: forever ever is an awfully long time Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: gutted I don't have a 💍 to do you a fake proposal at midnight mass Jimmy: need a Sharon leaving her tat about, sort it out Ian Janis: leaning into the hallmark romcoms there Jimmy: your nan not a fan? Janis: god knows Janis: literal, probably chats about her daily with him constant Jimmy: 😂 Janis: poor bloke Janis: not even a nun, stop bending his ear like you 💍 him Jimmy: #godssidechick Janis: she's used to it Janis: 😱 Janis: LOVES the priest and all Jimmy: OMG how fit and mysterious is he? Janis: Well there's a NEW one, can you believe it Janis: haven't been in years, like Jimmy: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy: @graciegurl I NEED a makeover RN Janis: she'll be too busy trying to match with a baby Jimmy: 📷 tah Janis: what? Jimmy: come on, I wanna 👀 see who's 😭 more, her or the 👶 Janis: oh Janis: [probably already harassing ruster and the kids so have at those socials] Jimmy: what did you think I meant? Janis: that would wanted her to 📷 her motd for you to copy or something Jimmy: 🥇💡 out serve her 👗 in the eyes of god Janis: is that really a challenge though Jimmy: nah, which is why I won't actually bother Janis: sure she won't either Janis: not in a 😍 way, just the wholesome 😇 thing Jimmy: as excuses go, it's a 🏅 for participation again Janis: well you'll see why when you get there Jimmy: LOVE it when you bust out a threat Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: it's not a threat really but again, sure you will be Jimmy: SO 😁 me Jimmy: sod off 🎅 I'm waiting for god to hand out the 🎁🎁 Janis: ugh don't Janis: she does think she's a fucking gift from god Jimmy: I wanna hate her but obvs that's where you get your big head from, girl and I 💕 that about you Janis: shut up Janis: I ain't nothing like her Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: one of a kind 🏆 Janis: just not a cunt Jimmy: thank GOD we're faking this 'cause that's totally my type Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: go on Janis: go have a good day Janis: see you later Jimmy: say piss off like you mean it Janis: come on Jimmy: what? Janis: I just don't want to talk about my family Jimmy: alright Jimmy: crack on slagging off mine for a bit if you want Jimmy: piss easy 🎯 Janis: I'm alright for it Janis: I'll go put myself in that coma Jimmy: nice of you to give Lucas a 🎁 Jimmy: I'll fake not feeling left out Janis: oi Janis: I gave you presents Jimmy: not an induced coma though, were it? Janis: crack on if you've got a spare 5 minutes Jimmy: for you, always have 💕 Janis: so goals Janis: isn't that another Sandy film? Jimmy: not her in the coma Jimmy: but there is sibling bollocks that Gracie'd lose her shit over Janis: yeah but she does fuck a dude in a coma, more or less Janis: is what I'm getting at Jimmy: she's desperate for it, til she ain't Jimmy: not fake dating the way we do it Janis: so she pussies out at the end Janis: 🙄 Janis: expected better of you, Sandra Jimmy: it's ages before then, trying to crack on to his brother as soon as he shows up, her Jimmy: ain't a kink unlocked, Lucas'll have to elsewhere to feel seen Janis: you know the best sites, share the wealth 👮🚨 Jimmy: might if he's got a 🎁 for me Janis: it's the detentions when we get back Janis: no patience, you Jimmy: be long gone by then Janis: sucks for you then Jimmy: you'll have to tell me about it Janis: what, in my 💌s Jimmy: slide into my DMs, baby Jimmy: won't be that many J's in there Jimmy: if we're going back up north no dickhead knows their alphabet that far Jimmy: 👶 names stop at G for Gaz Janis: yet your ability to think up obscure J names knows no bounds Janis: weird flex but alright Jimmy: 🖋🎨 Janis: oh I get it Janis: Bill talking right now Janis: 👋 lad Jimmy: valorous m'rning, wench 👋 Jimmy: at which hour art thee going to leaveth this daw and runneth off with me? Jimmy: that gent cannot coequal readeth 'r writeth Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: how shall thee knoweth thou art did love?!! Janis: I feel like Asia any time any lad opens his mouth Janis: don't fully know what you're saying but I know I like it Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: he's taking the piss out of me, 'course you do Janis: of course Janis: SUCH a bully, me Jimmy: the angelics were last night Jimmy: you've got today off Janis: s'what 💀👑 crying on in my inbox right now Janis: not like she actually makes it her life's mission to be a massive bitch to everyone or nothing 👌 Jimmy: show us Janis: [Mia acting the victim like THAT WAS TOO FAR I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE DONE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE etc] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: bit rude of her to give me fuck all credit Janis: the obsession is real Janis: plus why blame a lad when you can a girl Janis: more drama more fun 🙌 Jimmy: do you wanna do something? Jimmy: no challenge to go further Janis: Don't know Janis: if she's bullshitting how serious it actually is, there's always NYE to fuck up as well Jimmy: alright, do you want a night off instead? Janis: it's christmas eve Jimmy: and? Janis: only the really unlucky work it Janis: and 🎅 Jimmy: there you go then, be piss easy to do 📵 Janis: but you've got your brother Jimmy: weren't gonna put him on a selfie ban an' all Janis: he would be gutted Jimmy: he's already watched Rudolf get bullied by the 😎 lad who looks like he were in a reindeer boyband, bit of the glowing red nose for him it were, but we know how it ends Jimmy: he'll dry his eyes and be alright Janis: that film is brutal Janis: should come with a warning, tbh Jimmy: that'll be why Ian put it on for him Janis: seems like his cup of tea Janis: if your difference makes you useful, then we'll start being alright to you Janis: dunno how being deaf is gonna get all the prezzies out on time but you know Jimmy: toughen up and get a job, lad Jimmy: dunno what you're pissing about at Janis: being 6? psh Jimmy: when he were 6 he were down a mine, DUH Janis: and that's why you're short Janis: got it Jimmy: and that's why I've gotta wear 👠 Janis: Alright, you can borrow a pair Janis: don't beg Jimmy: soz that I wanna be a slag for Jesus Jimmy: his foot fetish is well known, gotta go above and beyond 🏆 Janis: 😂 Janis: slags4jesus is the name of the women's group she runs so Janis: fit right in Jimmy: sign me up Janis: 'course Janis: really, you just try to one up each other with the best 🍰s and who the father LOVES more Janis: well like the gals, so easy Jimmy: well in, I'll do a 🥧 Jimmy: cut my 👶🦷 on crusts 🍺s and 🥔s Janis: down the mines, I remember Janis: she LOVES a sob story Janis: obvs, the bible is one big 😭😱🤯 read Jimmy: that's him, my only job were being a MASSIVE letdown, obvs Jimmy: employee of the month every time Janis: even barista boy is preferrable Janis: at least you can't be a mistake, being the first, like Jimmy: still managed it 🏆🥇💪 Jimmy: middle kid's the only one they wanted, bit awkward she's a girl, like Janis: 👎 unlucky, Ian Jimmy: unlucky for me I am his Jimmy: 😒 an' all Janis: you don't need to tell me Janis: nothing more disappointing Jimmy: 🤞 for my sister she ain't Jimmy: be nowt better as a 🎄🎁 Janis: What do you mean? Jimmy: having a different dad would be #ultimategoals Janis: or something to have a complex about Janis: go find the other cunt and he's just as shit Jimmy: he'd have to go some Jimmy: or be 💀💀💀 Janis: give a bloke a chance and he'll just disappoint you Janis: 2 of my sisters have a different dad, and he's just as shit, just not dead Janis: not like your mum was hiding a 🤴 right Janis: fairytale shit Jimmy: Oi, that don't sound like you've been taking notes from Rudolf's #rideordie missus Janis: obviously you're the exception to every rule Jimmy: late but decent save, mate Janis: no point diving 'til you need to Janis: always premature, you Jimmy: not with ankles like yours Jimmy: and I were born late, ALMOST like I knew how grim it were up north Janis: shut up Janis: like I'd play goalie anyway, though they always try it 'cos I'm the tallest Janis: typical you too, awkward Jimmy: not enough 👏👏🌹 for you, I get it Janis: just boring Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you know, you're a lad Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: SUCH a lad, me Janis: just an observation but take it as 👏👏🌹 if you're hard up for it Jimmy: tah Jimmy: not having 💀👑 in my inbox is a real blow to my big head Janis: if her dad ever lets her out again Janis: hit you up to 💔 me hard, I'm sure Jimmy: I'll have the 🥀 ready Janis: if that's a metaphor for your inability to get it up for her, get Jimmy back, Bill, trying to talk here Jimmy: 😏 Janis: can you even imagine Janis: have more fun with a cheese grater, seriously Jimmy: 💰 on Asia's dad being a right good time Janis: yeah, well you 💘 her Janis: got to have got that sparkling wit from somewhere Jimmy: hang on, these reindeer are proper starcrossed Jimmy: behind bars and all sorts Jimmy: 📝 Janis: despite what Mia reckons, don't think her daddy can jail us for this Janis: have to go a bit harder Jimmy: count me in Jimmy: reckon I'm gonna have to go a bit harder to get Ian's feet out from under the table here an' all Janis: 👍 Janis: sooner the better Janis: festivities are doing my head in Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: if Sharon gets namedropped any more than he has done, I'll be 🍽 for her tomorrow Janis: ew Janis: Sharon, you not got a family of your own? Janis: someone we can call, like Jimmy: sounds like she's got kids she'd be bringing Janis: 😬 Janis: that's hell Jimmy: 🤞 he's all 🗨 and ain't gonna risk showing her what his happy family's like Janis: nothing better than a 'best behaviour' christmas Jimmy: I dunno, today's gonna win some 🏆🏆🏆 Janis: you're loving rudolph and your #ladsladslads time, don't lie Jimmy: finished that, about to go on a massive 🐕🏃 before I smack Ian Jimmy: so festive Janis: I'm pretending I'm 😴 Jimmy: top fake snores, yeah? Janis: that and hiding under the covers 'til they fuck off Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I can piss off if it'll give you away Janis: don't worry Janis: they know I ain't, as my oldest sister rudely came in and tore my blankets off me Janis: still ignore them just the same Janis: sign language you taught me is well helpful Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: still loads of time to get more lessons in before the hol is over Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: least the kid will enjoy your walk Janis: and the 🐕 Janis: obvs Jimmy: 😒🚬 and 😎🖍 Jimmy: 🐕💔 'cause you ain't here Janis: 😏 Janis: tell her it's mutual Jimmy: tell her yourself, you ain't mute Jimmy: 🗨💌 Janis: am too Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: should've said you lost your voice last night Jimmy: what could be more #goals or a better alibi for not grassing up 💀👑 Janis: should've had this 🥇💡 last night Janis: idc, she knew it was us, it was obvious, half the point Jimmy: talk to me then Janis: I am Jimmy: 👂? Janis: oh, I get it Janis: you wanna chat so you look 😎 too Janis: yeah, alright Jimmy: the health of your vocal cords is well important to me and my nursing kink Jimmy: nowt else Janis: practice makes perfect Janis: go ahead, least then I can pretend this is a private conversation Jimmy: [sings her a song from the Rudolf film like hey] Janis: [dramatic late 90s slow jam that it is lmao, how could you not lol] Jimmy: [Bobby may be deaf but the other peeps out and about aren't so I'm loling, oh jimothy] Janis: [just like, have you considered going on whatever x factor equivalent is a thing now] Jimmy: [talking about how much their fans would love that and they'd be starcrossed af while he's doing it] Janis: ['dedicate every performance to me, pretend I'm dying in some hospital somewhere, miraculous recovery for the finale'] Jimmy: ['be a top plot twist when you kill me'] Janis: ['press'll have a field day'] Jimmy: ['Ian'll be chuffed to bits' because we know his mum's disappearance got some attention locally hens] Janis: ['lives for attention too, yeah?'] Jimmy: ['you'd be a great match, you're right'] Janis: ['you'll have to introduce me'] Jimmy: ['come round tomorrow, more the merrier, clearly' thank god I'm not actually gonna make you spend it with Ian's gf though] Janis: ['just tell the kid he's got to be a dick, not all cute and friendly, she won't wanna come back'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll get him practicing, have him kick this dog or something'] Janis: [noise equivalent of an eyeroll] Jimmy: ['what were that?' as if we don't know] Janis: ['you're a dickhead' but a light tone we're not fuming lol] Jimmy: [say it back but likewise not in a fuming way] Janis: ['any fans out?'] Jimmy: [sending pisstakey pics of people who definitely aren't fans that she won't see til this phone call ends to make her lol 'nowt we could go where there wouldn't be' like we're SO popular which is another pisstake but honestly where's the lie] Janis: ['true, even the sheep rate us'] Jimmy: ['first class representation'll do that' because that sheep costume was great and we all know it] Janis: ['good times' not even lying] Jimmy: ['the lad'll be heartbroken you ain't here an' all if he wants to craft in a bit' because also true] Janis: ['he don't need my help, or yours' lil art hoe but we sad 'cos bored and fuming about xmas lol] Jimmy: [noise equivalent of like mhmm without being that cos he's not one of the gals, when you open your mouth to say I need you though after that but obvs can't and don't] Janis: ['you twirling the cord 'round your finger?' like he is one of those gals] Jimmy: ['might be'] Janis: ['alright, tease' 😏] Jimmy: [a noise like he's so OTT offended like call me a slag or anything else but not that] Janis: ['soz, but if the secretarial role and blank expression fits, babe'] Jimmy: ['I ain't trying to be my dad's type, you want Mia on your other line, babes'] Janis: [a noise like ew, okay, this is weird 'I'll stop'] Jimmy: ['stop what?' like we're playing but really we're like don't stop talking to me ILY] Janis: ['you shouldn't have provided such a compelling narrative, but her in my inbox is enough, if I have to HEAR her attempt at a Southside accent, like you're not from here as well Mia'] Jimmy: [a noise because we sincerely and genuinely hate her so much] Janis: ['caveman works better, who's type is that but mine, obvs'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll do a twitter poll'] Janis: ['you're meant to be having a day off' the affection in our voice] Jimmy: ['I don't want one' true but we'll pretend it's fake if we have to] Janis: ['junkie' and a jokey tut] Jimmy: ['that's every dickhead I ain't made a latte for all day'] Janis: ['the shakes are real, Gracie's fucked her steady hand, like'] Jimmy: ['explains the shit make up' harsh sir] Janis: [lols but gasps like we're so SHOOK hunz 'you that wanted the makeover earlier, like'] Jimmy: ['never said I could do any better'] Janis: ['you don't need any, bastard'] Jimmy: ['neither do you, no need to mard at me' again where's the lie] Janis: ['I ain't, but I can see why they obsess over you, don't know whether to punch you or fuck you'] Jimmy: [a lol] Janis: ['choice is made easy with me by how straight they are, especially Mia and Ella' like lofuckingl hen] Jimmy: [a bigger lol] Janis: [silently 😍] Jimmy: ['if you wanna do the full face of silver again, won't mard at you' cos what a look tbh] Janis: [hmms like we're pondering 'how many hickeys do you still have?' adds 'that'll be on show' quieter, because we know and we remembering 'if it's not a lot, a red lip might be a fair shout to show how much we're sinning'] Jimmy: [lost in our thoughts being distracted af for a while there because we already missed the bae but now we MISS her as well 'not as many as you' isn't even true but 1. we're competitive and 2. we're shamelessly asking for more here like it isn't christmas eve and we aren't starcrossed rn] Janis: ['can't have that...' also distracted, obvs 'he'll be going to sleep well early, yeah? so santa comes sooner' 'cos I do remember going to bed earlier like the sooner you're asleep the sooner he'll be here 'could do something more fun than singing hymns before, maybe'] Jimmy: ['he's got the tracker but if nowt else I'll cause a sugar crash' because kids all do be tracking Santa now on an app like gotta get to bed before he flies over your area lol but jimothy is like you WILL go to bed early Bobert because he already wants to get away 'reckon I could pick you up without causing an actual one though' because not above stealing Ian's car and abandoning it somewhere on christmas eve, it's very deserved] Janis: [makes an ugh noise, like don't even with that bloody tracker lmao 'but I can walk now' 'cos just assuming that's what he means, as per] Jimmy: ['but Ian deserves to more than you' because he does and how funny is that as a visual him trying to find his car, sucks to suck sir 'he might like the middle of nowt, move us there an' all'] imagine the next door neighbour cliche haha] Janis: [catching on like lol, alright 'never mind wifeswap, houseswap it is'] Jimmy: ['pick him a sheep, give it a blonde dye job, name it Sharon, paradise for him, that'] Janis: [just like ewwww] Jimmy: ['alright, I hear you, no farmyard threesomes at my housewarming' don't worry bae, won't fuck a sheep lol] Janis: ['I'm just thinking about how I look like a sheep with a blonde dye job' pouty voice] Jimmy: ['shut up' like NO YOU DON'T 'you look-' remembering that we can't just out ourselves 'fit, mysterious and obvs, most importantly, goals'] Janis: ['you would say that' like sheep shagger lol] Jimmy: ['never even seen a sheep before that nativity bollocks, me' oh manchester never been there but I have heard you are shit] Janis: ['I forgot you ain't moors and dales Northern'] Jimmy: [an OTT how dare you kinda noise like you should remember everything about me] Janis: ['I know, I know, gotta study for the next Q&A'] Jimmy: ['gotta go cry my eyes out'] Janis: ['shh, baby' 😏 'twix will comfort you'] Jimmy: ['does look a bit like a sheep, her'] Janis: ['you are an animal'] Jimmy: [a pisstakey grr or whatever which everyone out and about will enjoy I'm sure] Janis: ['do that again' like you're SO into it but we're obvs loling] Jimmy: [does though because no shame] Janis: ['perks of a deaf brother is he has no idea how embarrassing you are, I get it now'] Jimmy: ['not saying I deafened him cos my sister hates me or owt but'] Janis: [gasps like OMG and does the eastenders duff duffs] Jimmy: [loling again because we're just having a lovely time with the bae] Janis: ['so on brand for you' like you did cripple me 'what are you gonna try tonight, like' like how you gonna injure me again but it just sounds saucy] Jimmy: ['I'll think of something' cos we're thinking all the saucy things now] Janis: ['I believe in you'] Jimmy: ['more than that other dickhead' yeah we do mean santa lol] Janis: ['no need to be jealous, he was a right let down for us all'] Jimmy: ['I ain't, my lap's never been a letdown for you'] Janis: [just a noise so then we're like 'shut up' but soft 'cos we're embarrassed] Jimmy: [telling her to do it again like she did but not in a pisstakey manner at all this time] Janis: ['you should be here, then you could make me make whatever sounds you wanted'] Jimmy: ['in a bit' but with way more feeling than it suggests, like that's a promise honey] Janis: ['good' likewise, practically a sigh of relief at the prospect] Jimmy: [a sigh from him in return but because he wishes it was now] Janis: ['I-' and whatever we were gonna say is not gonna be said '-I've gotta go, I think' tbf the fam are probably being annoying so go moodily sit on your phone] Jimmy: ['you-' likewise we're not finishing that sentence 'should piss off then' but soft because we're not annoyed we're just forlorn] Janis: good chat 💪🏆 Jimmy: [sending her even more hilarious 'fan' pics because we gotta do something to cheer us] Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: when ain't that flasher looking bloke in my DMs, honestly 😂 Jimmy: #same Jimmy: if you were after a threesome, he's the one Janis: we don't need to spice it up Janis: we proved that Jimmy: won't bother asking him if he needs a lift in a bit then Janis: just saying, 💀👑 literally threatened to tell my ma on me Janis: like go ahead, I don't wanna fuck her so Jimmy: your mum might be after a bit of gossip about what a cheating slag 💀👑 is Jimmy: SUCH a bad influence for Gracie, that Janis: sadly not that kind of Sharon Janis: though she already hates her 'cos who don't Jimmy: chuffed for her that she ain't in the running to 💍 Ian Janis: we only PRETEND you're my hot step-brother sometimes Janis: don't ruin the fantasy, guys Jimmy: they've got form for not being seen again, and the orphan at 🎄 bollocks is a bit too cliche even for you, my dear Janis: fine Janis: at least take my sister then Janis: ffs Ian Jimmy: which one? Janis: oldest one Janis: I don't want you to meet her Jimmy: knowing him he could go through 'em all before new year's Janis: ones already dead so it's only 3 Janis: easy Jimmy: there you go then Janis: IOU Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me before new year's and we're even Janis: Promise Jimmy: and have a 💭 where we should leave his car Janis: I know a place Jimmy: I knew you would Janis: I am half criminal Janis: his stereotype is correct Jimmy: me an' all, he just ain't been caught for owt Jimmy: that #whiteprivilege Janis: 'cept the arse slapping Janis: but I ask you, is it SUCH a crime to tell a woman to smile more? Jimmy: slap on the wrist then though, bit poetic Janis: bit kinky Janis: frankly, he was into it Jimmy: 'course Janis: does depend though Janis: do you want his car left alone or do you want it burnt out Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: one you should answer Jimmy: depends if chauffeuring you about is gonna become a regular thing, more like Janis: if I was bothered about that, I'd just date a 17 year old Janis: there's 2 real options, or 3 Jimmy: it's 45 + or nowt for you, Janet, every dickhead knows that Janis: exactly, got those lifts on tap Jimmy: probably shouldn't make my sister that easy prey for Lucas and his mates, the rivalry would be knackering Jimmy: my fake age's already getting a bit old for him 💔 Janis: then there's 2 options Janis: we can put it in a ditch Janis: that might result in a bit more damage, but it might also make him think someone else nicked it? idk Janis: or we can just put it in a field by mine, less damage but it'll be more obvious it were you, if that's what you want Jimmy: I don't reckon he'll pack up and move just 'cause there's dickhead car thieves about Janis: more obvious the better Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just don't crash on your way over Jimmy: I won't have had chance to get pissed, it's alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥛 out for 🎅 not Ian's precious 🥃 OBVS Janis: very wholesome Janis: nothing to do with how depleted his stock is Jimmy: 😏 Janis: imagine how wrecked 🎅 would be by the end of the night Jimmy: bit like you last night is what I 💭 Janis: You had the outfit Janis: uncanny, some would say Jimmy: alright, enjoy your 💭💕 Janis: shut up Janis: if I was that pissed, wouldn't even remember it so there Jimmy: it were an unforgettable outfit Jimmy: and you've got loads of 📷 Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll go 👀 then Jimmy: go on Janis: don't distract me Jimmy: why not? Janis: because Jimmy: ? Janis: I already want to see you Janis: don't make it worse Jimmy: you won't if you forget about me 👻💔 Janis: that's only the plan for when you've fucked off Janis: or if we end this before then Jimmy: getting Lucas to comfort you in detention, yeah I've heard Janis: just inevitable, that Jimmy: just that #fated Janis: like you said, he strikes when 💔 Janis: #grooming101 Jimmy: it's a 😭 shame the Sharons all are too old for him Janis: biggest difference between him and his bezzie mate Ian, obvs Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: they work around it Janis: so solid Jimmy: OBVS where I get my work ethic from Janis: must be Janis: we'll be nice and not call it an addiction Jimmy: keep you on that list until after 🎅's pissed off Janis: BABE 😤 Janis: I'm ALWAYS nice to you Jimmy: never said you weren't Jimmy: and wouldn't in case you kick off, proper nightmare, you Janis: 😭😭😭 OMG Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: the real #goals Jimmy: 🔪or ✂👅 Janis: ✂ would be satisfying Jimmy: bit rude that we're PRETENDING my 👅 isn't Jimmy: but alright, from 💀👑's SUPER straight POV, I get it Jimmy: closed mouth 💋🐸 Janis: if she's not gonna blow you, you aren't allowed to go down on her Janis: s'like, the rules Jimmy: #daddyperks Janis: only man big enough to trigger her gag reflex Janis: how romantic Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 😬 feel sick myself Jimmy: you said you wanted turning off Jimmy: job done Janis: not exactly what I said, bighead Jimmy: shh Janis: or what Jimmy: you know what Jimmy: we'll be back at square 1 Janis: fine Jimmy: is it? Janis: 😇 Jimmy: wings did suit you Janis: got some weird looks bringing them back on the bus Jimmy: surprised you didn't 🔥 knowing what you're like Janis: should've Janis: they aren't actually mine but dunno why I let that stop me Jimmy: whose are they? Jimmy: 🤞 for your gay brother tbh Janis: he isn't the camp cliche Janis: thankfully Janis: but my mum is weird so swings and roundabouts Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll be the camp cliche your family is missing Janis: thanks Janis: just what I needed a fake boyfriend for tbh Jimmy: duh Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi, don't 🙄 @ me Janis: 🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: it's @ the 🌍 Jimmy: nice try on the 😇 for that sec Janis: it's not in my nature Janis: believe it or not Jimmy: that'll why it were such a good costume Janis: Rude Jimmy: it's a compliment, dickhead Jimmy: take it Janis: that I'm a right bitch, yeah, tah Jimmy: that weren't what I said Jimmy: nowt but 😈's getting me out of here Janis: works for you Jimmy: and what, me needing a hand off you does nowt for you all of a sudden? Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: what then? Janis: just reminds me I'm here for the foreseeable Jimmy: I'll shove you in my bag, SO flexible, you, I've heard Janis: and you're so funny Jimmy: you ain't heard that anywhere about Janis: you gutted they're not gossiping about your fit personality Janis: poor baby Jimmy: sounds about right Jimmy: 💔 these dickheads don't know everything about me Jimmy: all I want for 🎄 that Janis: it's great fun Janis: really recommend Jimmy: 👍 10/10 5⭐s Jimmy: you're alright, I've been there, done it Jimmy: bought the 😎 Janis: dunno why you want to go back Jimmy: never said I did Janis: yeah but Janis: don't you Jimmy: for what? Janis: same reason you wanna leave Jimmy: never said that either Janis: everywhere's the same Janis: why does it matter that you piss off Jimmy: it don't matter to me Janis: alright Janis: I get it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: don't be a douche Jimmy: how am I? Janis: just no need to be condescending Jimmy: I weren't Janis: 👍 Jimmy: you get it, that's not nowt when I'm shit with words Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: should've been more obvious Janis: all you care about is your brother and sister Jimmy: don't @ my manager, tah Janis: 🤐 Janis: coffee IS your passion Jimmy: ☕💕 Janis: top 🥉barista boy Jimmy: *🥇 Janis: I put you on the podium, don't push it Jimmy: I'll push you off yours if you're gonna be a dickhead Janis: *pedestal Janis: we can confirm 🥈 alright Jimmy: steady on 🤓 Jimmy: and yeah, you can give yourself 🥈 often as you like Janis: you won't be invited to 👀 Jimmy: don't need an invite when I've got a long lens, babe Janis: 😡 just FYI Jimmy: 👀📷 Jimmy: FYI my 🐕 might look a bit like you but she's a shit muse Janis: 1. so complimentary today, definitely posting all these animal comparisons to the 'gram 2. never work with 🐕, 👶 or 👶🐕 Jimmy: I could do better but you told me you couldn't hack it Janis: no I never Jimmy: don't make it worse, you said Janis: fine, do Jimmy: [a 🔥🔥 sext that's full of compliments because she asked for it] Janis: okay Janis: you're Jimmy: I wanna see you an' all Janis: I can't stop thinking about you today Jimmy: it'll chuck the outfit back on if that were it Janis: not just that Janis: but it was a bonus Jimmy: what else? Janis: just Janis: you were fun Janis: and hot Janis: I don't know Jimmy: Oi, am I not ALWAYS? Janis: shh, you know what I mean Janis: I want to see you especially hard today Jimmy: I'm just taking the piss, you're alright Jimmy: I get it Janis: you better Janis: or I will have to make sure you feel it Jimmy: I already do feel it but that ain't a no Jimmy: on owt you wanna make me do Janis: that's a 💡💭 Jimmy: go on Janis: I keep thinking Janis: we could make use of the car Janis: 📸 some more evidence for you Jimmy: you're impressive Janis: I selfishly just want to, but if we can make it useful we do, that's the rules, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Janis: but you can call me impressive all you like Jimmy: you can earn it however you like Janis: fuck Janis: why are you the only lad that's interesting Jimmy: why do you want other lads to be interesting? Janis: I don't Janis: I didn't think you would be Jimmy: rude Janis: 'cos you thought I would be Jimmy: I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't Janis: I've got eyes, not saying that Janis: it's Janis: I didn't expect this, obviously Jimmy: fit AND mysterious, that means I were interested Janis: reasons there's gay rumours, I guess Jimmy: I don't care what the dickheads at school think, I'm telling you what I reckoned Janis: I'm glad you picked me Janis: for loads of reasons Jimmy: me an' all Janis: I didn't disappoint then? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: you make it very hard to beg for validation, you know 😏 Jimmy: you make it well easy to beg for all sorts Janis: I wanna hear Janis: I really want that Jimmy: alright but I'm not saying it in front of all your sisters and nans Janis: well that ain't what I want either, oddly enough Jimmy: go to whatever hiding place your mum ain't stashed 🎁🎁 Janis: we always find places to be alone Jimmy: impressive, I said it Janis: I don't disagree Jimmy: good, 'cause it'd only be for the sake of Janis: I'm being nice Janis: I want to be, to you, anyway Jimmy: I don't disagree with that either Jimmy: you're being so Janis: you've earnt it Janis: today would be more shit if you weren't about to talk to so Jimmy: I don't need to go on about how #relatable that is when there's loads more you wanna hear me say but Janis: rude of me when you're not much of a talker Janis: like it when you do though Jimmy: [call her up again this time to talk her ear off in a saucy manner boy] Janis: [into it honey] Jimmy: [we know what #mood you are both very much in rn and where that's heading lol] Janis: [I hope you hear Ian, not in a weird way but fuck you lol] Jimmy: [agreed also not in a weird way] Janis: [start as we mean to go on, and we're fucking you over sir] Jimmy: [not soz because you're literally one of the worst parents we have and that's saying something] Janis: [you do deserve it, even if this doesn't produce the effect you want Jimothy, not soz about that either though] Jimmy: [am very soz you're gonna get hurt but not soz you're staying here with your bae forever] Janis: [yeah that's not nice, we are running awayawayay] Jimmy: [and taking all our faves with us, unlucky Mia] Janis: [we can skip now we've made you pine though?] Jimmy: [yeah we know the vibe is that you're hating life until you can be together and your fams would be keeping you at least a bit busy] Janis: what you wearing if not the costume? Janis: I'm 🤔 Jimmy: what do you want me to? Janis: I'm thinking not church respectable but without being the costumes, you know Janis: festive hoe hoe hoe lite Janis: that's the VIBE babe Jimmy: [sends her options with him doing pisstakey impressions of how the gals pose] Jimmy: ? Janis: YOU LOOK STUNNING, YOU HAVE TO UPLOAD THESE ALL! Janis: but [an option, I'll show you what I'm going with for her and then you can pick whatever you want lol] is good Jimmy: [does upload them all cos no shame] Janis: [so many pisstakey hype comments like 😍😍😍 like we're not lying but we being like the #gals] Jimmy: [just having a lovely time via socials, sucks to suck Mia cos we know you're in the shit hun] Janis: [i'd feel bad if you weren't awful, you need calming down frankly madam] Jimmy: Where we going? Janis: pub, of course Janis: xmas eve pub crawl is tradition Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: that alright? Jimmy: it's what that pisshead 🎅 would want us to do Janis: RIP 'til next year Janis: if you make it Jimmy: you promised to 💀💀💀 me before new year's so if I'm still about that'll be your fault Janis: I'm talking about pisshead 🎅 Janis: he's already 🥴 Jimmy: [sends her a screenshot of this tracker showing wherever he is] Janis: love it Janis: need one for you Janis: #amiriteladiez Jimmy: if it means I don't get lost on the way to yours, crack on Janis: strap a satnav to you Jimmy: need a big strap to go round my head Janis: massive Janis: one of those resistance bands Jimmy: if them athlete rumours weren't bollocks you'll be able to sort that piss easy Janis: can't wait to twang you 'round the face with it Jimmy: 😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: on the same page, us, as per Janis: speaking of Janis: want a preview of what I've decided on for 🙌🙏 or you want a surprise? Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Janis: fair warning, it's no angel look, I don't need to be 🌩 down before you can 🔪 Jimmy: I were gonna ask if my 👴💘 were gonna give out but that answers that Janis: soz, not yet Janis: disappointing now Jimmy: nah, hot priest's jaw'll still be on the floor and your shit nan'll still be 💔 Janis: [this glittery 70s moment] Janis: it's festive but it DOES not honour God so yeah Janis: 😳 and 😡 respectively Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: might have to ✎ you for today's 🎨 'cause that's Jimmy: #art Janis: I've even got a discoball to shine in his 👀 when he's trying to read Jimmy: thought of everything, you Janis: well Janis: had to do something to occupy my 🕠 Janis: couldn't keep bothering you ALL day, not very 😇 Jimmy: gonna have to do something to pull my weight Jimmy: not very goals of me to leave this all to you Janis: trust me, just showing up is enough Jimmy: for them, not you Janis: you know what I want Janis: so it is enough for me too Jimmy: alright Janis: you're gonna steal and not crash your dad's car Janis: that's impressive Jimmy: 🍒 for you Jimmy: had no chance to test out my gag reflex so Janis: you know how to drive though Jimmy: yeah Janis: good Janis: not being held responsible for vehicular manslaughter Jimmy: you can leave out the 🤓 words, I ain't letting nowt happen to you Janis: more concerned about you Janis: just don't use me as an alibi, I know nothing about this plan 😶 Jimmy: ah the Sharon defense Jimmy: 👍 Janis: your white privilege, you'll be fine Jimmy: Lucas is gonna be SO into you Janis: yeah, need that throwback Jimmy: he does, to when you were years younger Janis: 🤞 for his christmas wish Jimmy: tell me if it worked and I'm fake dating a 12 year old Jimmy: 🤞 you'd be as obvs as Tom Hanks in that film and I'd know but Janis: 🤞 you wouldn't be as down as the woman in that Jimmy: chuffed to bits, her Jimmy: if I ever seem that excited to see you it's 🔪🪓🔧🔨 Janis: obviously Janis: nothing but a deathwish here Jimmy: 🐑🚗 Janis: stop calling me a sheep dickhead Jimmy: it were you who said it Janis: you're repeating it Jimmy: I were just saying you might wanna brace yourself to scrape your mates off my windscreen if them dickheads are owt like you Janis: they're stupid so yeah Janis: farmer's got guns though and that's not how I wanted to go Jimmy: BABE don't call yourself thick OMG Janis: 🙄 Janis: that's the rest of my family Janis: I'm Shaun Jimmy: jumper did suit you Janis: tah Jimmy: can't rate it as high as the wings or silver face but Janis: can accept the 🥉 Jimmy: might have to be chucked off the podium for today's outfit 💔🎻 Janis: but...we matched, babe 😭 Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Jimmy: IDK WHAT TO DO Janis: perils of turning too many lewks Jimmy: so rude of you Janis: maybe I'll make it up to you Jimmy: taking it off won't effect the rankings, Jules Janis: are you sure about that 🤔 Jimmy: you've got your own scale, girl Janis: do I Jimmy: yeah Janis: go on then Janis: don't leave me hanging Jimmy: I never said you were having it Janis: rude Jimmy: you're rude, stop trying to make me 😳 dickhead Janis: 😏 Janis: but it's cute Jimmy: it'll clash with my outfit, duh Janis: red cheeks go well with a red nose Jimmy: piss off, ain't even had a drink yet Janis: plenty of time to remedy that Jimmy: how long's it gonna take me to get to the middle of nowt for you? Janis: not that long in a car Janis: it's only that long on the bus 'cos of all the stops Jimmy: crack on doing your face red for church then 😈 Jimmy: take you ages that will Janis: oi Janis: so rude and so hypocritical Jimmy: you can do mine an' all Jimmy: know how you feel about 🍓👃s like Janis: can do Janis: since you're so against 😳 Jimmy: let a lad be mysterious Janis: you're gonna be Janis: only gracie has heard about you so Jimmy: know she rates me and my ☕🎨 Janis: hardly a 🏆 that Jimmy: I don't want any 🏆 from her, tah Jimmy: weren't like I accidentally picked the wrong twin out 'cause you look SO alike Janis: yeah I'll remember you 💬 that when you try and 💬 otherwise later Jimmy: you gonna smack me in the head til I'm 🧠💀💀💀 in a bit ? FINALLY Janis: you haven't got a brother I'm interested in so nah Janis: soz Jimmy: might do somewhere, don't be too 💔😭🎻 yet Janis: keep you having the odd 💡💭 'til that's #confirmed Jimmy: 👍 Janis: start the family tree, like Jimmy: weren't what I were gonna draw for you but alright Janis: if I have any more pictures of myself, people other than you might catch on to the big head thing Jimmy: I get it, you want a picture of me Jimmy: very subtle Janis: 😏 Jimmy: dunno if I've got a big enough piece of paper tbh Janis: s'what I tell EVERYONE Jimmy: love a Q&A you do Janis: *the fans Jimmy: *you Janis: lies and slander Jimmy: I keep telling you #notallsantas Jimmy: he's a lying pisstaking bastard but ME, nah Janis: 👌👌 Janis: believe in you when I 👀 you Jimmy: I've got the 🔑s, you'll be seeing me in a bit Janis: 🏆 Janis: be waiting Jimmy: Where? Jimmy: I can't pull up and let them all 👀 me Janis: pull up in my neighbours drive instead Janis: I'll be there Janis: [location] Jimmy: be able to spot your ✨ even with my 👴👀 Janis: 'course Janis: try not to blind you with my #shine Jimmy: 🌟 x as high as a northerner can count, you Janis: oh you Janis: 💖 Jimmy: don't be too chuffed that's only about 🌟🌟🌟 Janis: 💔 just as fast Janis: whatever will I do Jimmy: forgive me, obvs Janis: not your fault you're thick Jimmy: and I don't reckon Lucas' priority is improving my literacy, call me dead cynical Janis: wouldn't bet on it, personally Janis: but don't need to bet on this lot dobbing me in so we're 👍 Janis: might even get a cuppa, if I'm lucky Jimmy: if I were gonna call you a slag, it'd be now, with my jealousy 🗨 Janis: 😂 Janis: unlucky, boy Jimmy: 😒😒😒😒😒😒 Janis: shoulda got yourself a travel cup Jimmy: if I'd let the group chat know what we were up to they'd have reminded us Janis: SO helpful Janis: beside, not actually gonna go in Janis: be a bit awkward Jimmy: they've probably got pjs on, I get it Jimmy: too fit and mysterious, you Janis: just don't reckon showing up to your former childhood mates house unannounced is the one Janis: especially dressed like this much of a twat Jimmy: NOW I get it, you're 😍 Jimmy: would be awkward, that Janis: exactly Janis: not like I ain't spoke to 'em in years Jimmy: 😍 and 😳 Jimmy: this were the rom com all along Janis: obviously Janis: my sister did it first so ❌ unoriginal Jimmy: you're welcome for the nudge, mate Janis: SO funny Janis: hurry up and drive, dickhead Jimmy: don't 🥶 my dear Jimmy: there's loads more fun ways for your stubbornness to get you killed Janis: come show me Jimmy: [a picture of whatever shows the speed you're driving for cars of this era like okay we are going as fast as we can] Jimmy: no luck on the 👮🚔 escort, must've pissed off the lads by spending all my time with you Janis: I get it Janis: I miss you too Jimmy: it feels like ages Janis: yeah Janis: just a hectic day init Jimmy: *shit day Janis: that too Jimmy: Oi, you're my ☀ Jimmy: you're supposed to say some bollocks like when this is over we can just Janis: we can do whatever we want Jimmy: what about the 🐕s and ☕s? Janis: apart from that Janis: and school Janis: and the shit we have to do for the fans Janis: called a silverlining, alright, not the whole fucking cloud Jimmy: gonna run out of paper there yourself, all them bulletpoints Janis: not an actual 👼 or other type of miracle worker Jimmy: 😱😱 YOU WHAT? 💔 Janis: never said I was Janis: just a good costume 😈 Jimmy: never acted like you were either, I remember that much Janis: you weren't complaining Jimmy: you do make it hard to 🗨 Janis: you promised you would though Jimmy: I will Jimmy: 🏆💪🥇 me Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: whatever we want, you said Janis: yeah Janis: I did Jimmy: I wanna keep my promises Janis: okay Janis: I want it too Jimmy: alright then Janis: 🕠 Jimmy: if it weren't your night off you could tell it to the fans Jimmy: shot yourself in the good ankle there, Jean Janis: I'll have to patiently wait instead Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Janis: 😲 Janis: watch me Jimmy: on you go Janis: no, on YOU go Janis: I'm staying put Jimmy: press record so I can 👀🍿 you try to wait Jimmy: be a right 😂 Janis: 😣 Janis: not laughing when I was having tea and you weren't Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: it ain't my fault you're struggling already though Janis: Shh, I am not Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: I'm not that easy to break, thank you Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: like you're a 🐴 and I'm some rich lass Janis: another animal comparison Janis: making me miss you less by the second tbh Jimmy: one I'd be fine with 🍆📏✔ so alright, you can be the 💰💰 Janis: 😂 Janis: you might be fine, I'd have serious internal injuries Jimmy: UGH okay, just the tip Jimmy: if that's really not how you wanna go Janis: how Bill really wanted to end Romeo and Juliet but you know Janis: he was already 💀 Jimmy: bloody censorship Janis: what's worse, bestiality or necrophilia? Jimmy: if you wanna keep your job, probably get down the cemetery Janis: you brought it up, horsecock Janis: not taking the blame Jimmy: you asked, there's your answer Janis: FINE Janis: get Bill back on the line Jimmy: he's biased, he wants you to fuck his corpse Janis: does explicitly state otherwise on his tombstone Jimmy: I know what I've heard from his 👻 Janis: awh, he talks about me Jimmy: never shuts up Jimmy: oh hang on, he wants you to fuck MY corpse Jimmy: 👻📞 problems Janis: interesting Janis: how either way, he wants me to fuck you Jimmy: his mind Janis: 🌌🧠 Jimmy: all the 🏆👏🌹 Janis: yeah, had to read some of his shit every year since we were like 10 Janis: we 👏 get 👏 it 👏 bill 👏 Jimmy: brb gotta ™ a 👶📖 called That's Not My Bard before some other dickhead does Janis: 🤑💰💰💰💰🤑 Jimmy: now you're impatiently waiting Jimmy: job done Janis: LOVE when you call me a gold digger Jimmy: you'd be a shit one Jimmy: don't make THAT much in tips Janis: not my goal Jimmy: no shit, you'd be on Mia's daddy if it were Janis: yeah Janis: or our neighbours dad Jimmy: or Ella's judging by her house Janis: exactly Jimmy: I'll @ 'em all when I ain't driving and can write a longer brag Janis: or application to be their sidepiece Janis: 👀 you Jimmy: #bitofrough 😘 Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on, you know you're my fave job Janis: piss off Jimmy: baby Janis: shh Janis: focus on your driving, asshole Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: [show up when it's been long enough sir] Janis: [get out of these people's drive tah girl, probably think you hoeing or something] Jimmy: [that isn't a rumour we need, turn the heating up boy she'll be cold after standing about] Janis: [been as stealth as poss. I hope] Jimmy: [also please don't crash the car cos you're 👀ing at her we don't need that either] Janis: ['you wanna abandon it now or later?' like are you gonna drunk drive or what 'cos obviously we're going out] Jimmy: ['where are we starting the pub crawl?' cos obvs don't wanna have to walk for miles and miles] Janis: ['there's enough 'round here to do one' shrug like up to you] Jimmy: [a nod like alright then we'll stick around here] Janis: [put feet on the dash like I'm warming up first though] Jimmy: [puts christmas songs on like I know you wanna hear these cos it's been a whole second since either of us have been forced to] Janis: [Ughs IRL Jimmy: [finds something less festive and annoying] Janis: ['kid go to sleep?'] Jimmy: [another nod but a face that expresses what fun and games it was to get him to] Janis: ['Libi ain't' 'cos she and mcvickers are probably sleeping over] Jimmy: ['he'll be gutted when he finds that out'] Janis: [mimes 💔 'too much sugar and I told her she can catch santa in the act so they're gonna have to try hard to fool her tonight'] Jimmy: [😏 cos we approve] Janis: [shrugs 'if I've gotta go to midnight mass, fuck their night too, yeah'] Jimmy: [a nudge like excuse you I'm going too so you'll have loads of fun because we do remember earlier when she called him fun and hot] Janis: [nudging him back like what? 'I get to ruin your night too 'cos I'm helping with the car' gestures like duh] Jimmy: ['ruin it then' how suggestive sir] Janis: [a kinda half LOOK 'cos obvs wanna but we're mad at you so can't yet] Jimmy: [a look like ? because we know that's not a full LOOK] Janis: [turns back to the xmas tunes like there you go] Jimmy: [turns them off fully because what's wrong please tell us] Janis: ['rude to Mariah' 'cos when is it not that song lol] Jimmy: ['she'll live' cos everyone else is listening to her lol] Janis: ['if she don't get that high note out, she might explode'] Jimmy: [turns it back on so she can have her moment] Janis: [just like there you go] Jimmy: [just looking at her] Janis: [own ? look] Jimmy: ['what?'] Janis: ['what do you mean 'what'?] Jimmy: [a nudge like you know what I mean] Janis: ['what?' again like, soz, not making this easy rn] Jimmy: ['I asked you first' and drawing a ? on her for emphasis] Janis: ['you didn't need to come early if you didn't want to'] Jimmy: ['I know' like obvs I did want to what are you talking about] Janis: ['a job is gonna be easier if you stick to what actually needs to be done'] Jimmy: [a noise like really this is why you're upset but we're saying 'come here'] Janis: [scowling like don't take the piss and shaking our head 'let's just go if we're going'] Jimmy: [repeating it like no seriously come here and be closer to me and look at me] Janis: ['this is stupid' 'cos we can't handle things normally and going to get out like what are you doing] Jimmy: [does get out like fine if you won't come to me I'll come to you and does so we're in her grill with eye contact 'yeah it is'] Janis: ['get out of my face' but not in an aggressive way] Jimmy: ['don't be a dickhead' likewise not in an aggressive way] Janis: ['stop saying I am' like stop acting like it's all me being stupid] Jimmy: [an exasperated noise that we can't help as is as much like I wish I was better at this than it is like an ugh against you gal 'I wanna be here'] Janis: ['clearly not now' which again is far more of, because I've fucked it up than it is a drag but there we go, again trying to walk away] Jimmy: ['don't be telling me what I want' we're not letting you go hen] Janis: ['it wasn't supposed to be another chore, and I don't want it if it is'] Jimmy: ['I've wanted to be here all day' because true, like that's the chore babe, not this] Janis: [just closing our eyes as we can't move away without pushing him rn and we aren't there yet 'you keep making me look stupid' pause 'not you, like you on purpose but this fucking...situation, I keep fucking it up'] Jimmy: ['me an' all' like I clearly upset you by being a dickhead so I'm fucking up too, it's not just you 'it's a headfuck, we've both said' cos it is and you have] Janis: ['you never come off looking as bad as I do' remembering every stupid thing we've ever said or done 'cos that bitch like wow, I look so lame, great but nods 'yeah' 'cos not disagreeing with that bit] Jimmy: ['I'll make a twat of myself now if that'll help' goes to get on the roof on this car like not even taking the piss we genuinely don't want her to feel bad] Janis: [just putting your arms out like don't slip 'cos lord knows it be icy 'I'd rather I just stopped but sure' like what is your plan tbh boy] Jimmy: [stands on this car roof and loudly recounts some scenario before they were paired up for this computer science project and he wanted to talk to her or whatever but made a twat of himself instead idk but you know the vibe and the trope haha like and this was before we were even in this situation so there you go] Janis: [just looking at him for the longest time then gesturing for him to get down like come here] Jimmy: [does obviously without falling to his death] Janis: ['truce?' and putting out you hand again because we can't and aren't outright apologizing] Jimmy: [shaking her hand because yes] Janis: [pulling him in the direction they need to go like let's get inside then] Jimmy: [get to that pub lads it's been a day for you] Janis: [first pint first pub baby] Jimmy: [you'll be downing that cos it's very much needed] Janis: [adjusting his ears when you sit down] Jimmy: [lowkey has probably forgot he has those antlers on by now so it's like oh yeah] Janis: [lil lol 'knew you loved Rudolph' like okay stan] Jimmy: [a lil lol back and we're humming the song like that's a banger] Janis: [rolls her eyes but affectionately] Jimmy: [draws whatever today's doodle is on a beer mat and then chucks it at her because #mood I like to think it's reindeer and 😳 related because duh] Janis: [just looking at it and smiling 'cos love it, do your socials gal] Jimmy: ['meant to be your night off' affectionately too like oh what are you like and pretending we're gonna chuck our phone in our pint glass but we obvs don't] Janis: [shrugs but not in a dismissive way as of earlier just like, may as well 'more #goals than a shit party'] Jimmy: [a noise like yeah that's not hard and draws the JJ love heart on the table like see, so's that] Janis: [handing him your keys like carve it so it's real, dickhead] Jimmy: [does] Janis: [snaps galore hun] Jimmy: [a look like are you gonna come here now] Janis: [likewise, does] Jimmy: [a really good kiss because what a day we've had] Janis: [get into it kids it's deserved] Jimmy: [honestly] Janis: [obviously we're getting on his lap, 'scuse us pub patrons leave it out of it, I did realise that you're in a jumpsuit so I've really limited how saucy you can be, hohaha what a cockblock, also heaven help you when you're pissed and need all the wees gal] Jimmy: [you gotta gal and he's likewise gotta make a sound because always, it's not for you pub peeps you shh, I had that same thought about the outfit being like oh no she'll be cold having to strip every time she wants to pee, they are so annoying] Janis: [we know it's v mutual, you do need to get a room tbh but at least wait a couple of pubs tah, and they truly are lmao, soz to do you like that but we're making a point with our 'fit here] Jimmy: [we'll let the tension build to an unbearable point and get a few more pints in you as we always do LOL] Janis: ['you're so-' between kisses 'cos always] Jimmy: [writes 'you' on her so he doesn't have to stop kissing to say it and going over and over the word like when he was carving the table because the most emphasis needed] Janis: [the reaction, you're welcome boy] Jimmy: [we know any reaction from her gets as good of a one back from him so you're both welcome] Janis: [these random old men and the show they're getting, soz not soz, just saying 'you' back and forth now] Jimmy: [thank god you're both 1. shameless 2. it's a pub crawl so we don't have to stay here all night 3. you don't have to go back if you don't want to because we're far too #into this] Janis: [we don't care lbr, unless any of y'all are gonna get creepy but don't need to right now] Jimmy: [cockblocked by her outfit and literally nothing else rn] Janis: [not at all frustrating, go get a second drink after a fashion] Jimmy: [doing the MOST so it's not frustrating but that's only more frustrating, oh the struggle] Janis: [clearly getting a stronger drink, like shots, to accompany the pint, that should be the minimum aim of each pub] Jimmy: [love that for you both, get wrecked before church kids] Janis: [oh lawdy shit nan is gonna be fuming, drag you in front of the congregation lolllllllll] Jimmy: [amazing] Janis: [lucky that's what we're going for and she won't for the SHAME of it all but she will be PISSED hence the new years eve dramaaaa] Jimmy: [it's a time for fucking over shitty family members and it all connects honey] Janis: [like these children need more of me and Jesus in their life hello, oh god, anyway, do these shot shot shots] Jimmy: [body shots also cockblocked by the outfit sadly but that's okay these old dudes don't need any more of a show] Janis: [yeah god damn you for wearing clothes for once guys] Jimmy: [when you live together you'll never have to and life will be glorious, hold on lads] Janis: [my boos favourite thing lol] Jimmy: [but for now drink your juice shelby] Janis: ['what did you ask santa for?' 'cos Bobby and Libi had the whole convo] Jimmy: ['to take the dog away in that sack' soz Twix 'you?'] Janis: [shakes her head like oh you 'a date, obviously' and a big sigh like we know how that went] Jimmy: [💔 mime] Janis: ['exactly' like you understand my pain, there's probably so many santa hats in here rn, dramatic shudder like the mems] Jimmy: [does some there there pats even if we have to reach idk how you're sitting now] Janis: ['there's always his elf mates' in a #gals impression 'cos very them idea] Jimmy: [never not gonna do a dramatic shudder of his own at the accuracy of that impression and then checking his phone like have they been summoned] Janis: [assumedly were all at the same party but mia and ella] Jimmy: [while he's on his phone checking in with Cass about the Bobby situation like is he still asleep and how much of a dick is Ian being] Janis: [just chill and check out what everyone else is up to 'cos you can be smug about how lame everything would be in comparison] Jimmy: [I do get why everyone is obsessed with y'all aside from the obvious of how you look cos you do make everything look fun and you always are having it] Janis: [being a teenager is just being really bored a lot of the time 'cos you can't do anything and you don't wanna be with your fam, that's the tea of it, so when you actually find someone you vibe with and have fun with, yeah, a mood] Jimmy: [mhmm, anyway get to pub 2 hens, you can 🚬 on the way cos I doubt they're next door to each other] Janis: [like I imagine there's lots of pubs but not like a street vibe where it's one after the other so do some walking deffo] Jimmy: [I vibe that because there always seems to be out in the country and it's lowkey like how do you all survive but okay] Janis: [drink driving is what people do but shh] Jimmy: [we know y'all will at some point even though you shouldn't] Janis: [remember when and everyone was mad, esp. Tess and she wasn't allowed to stay there lowkey] Jimmy: [we definitely need to bring that back because yes] Janis: [it seems more dramatic now for some reason, probably the Libi of it all?] Jimmy: [I was just about to say, because yeah it's 1100000000% that Libi exists and she's the one member of this fam that Janis fucks with rn] Janis: [bit rude to lowkey keep them apart even though we know it wouldn't be intentional but if you gonna be reckless gal] Jimmy: [we know where Tess be coming from but also where you're coming from JJ] Janis: [will be bringing that back, for sure, but let's not tonight, there's enough drama] Jimmy: [yeah there's loads of cool stuff we've done that we should bring back because I also remember another time she ran away and Jimmy and Cass went on a lil roadtrip to pick her up that was really good too] Janis: [oh I'd forgotten about that but yes, 100%, lots of stuff to consider] Jimmy: [anyways carve the JJ heart on a table in pub 2 boy because we're doing it in every one] Janis: [you simply must, #proof of this night, ty ty, saying this place is trying to do something and getting a Christmassy cocktail, why not mix your drinks lol] Jimmy: [they would and this pub would, I love that, they don't have to be good we know you'll accept the challenge and drink them regardless] Janis: [something spiced and gross down it tbh] Jimmy: [honestly it's probably milky or eggnoggy and NO THANK YOU] Janis: [eww, just like DON'T COME NEAR ME 'cos it was that gross] Jimmy: [but that ensures that he will come after you in a playful manner, probably tickling you or something, don't be sick either of you] Janis: [as if we didn't know, casual playfight of course but don't break anything ty] Jimmy: [this pub should have big jengas because they think they're doing something so you can knock someone's tower over] Janis: [dramaaaa the huns and hispters gonna be fuming at you 2] Jimmy: [but you can play if you want cos we know you're competitive] Janis: [you should, he could get 'injured' boy but not really really just in a funny way 'cos big jenga is lowkey lethal lol] Jimmy: [yeah because then she can have a turn dramatically nursing him for the lols, little do you both know he's gonna get hurt for real #foreshadowing and also they should write inspirational boss bitch huns quotes on the jenga pieces because we know he has a pen] Janis: [role reversal mood, even though that's rude, poor Jimothy, yes, make him sit with his feet up for the moment and get busy with the bants] Jimmy: [get a less disgusting drink and live your best lives for a bit] Janis: [I think you should get kicked out of the next one so yes] Jimmy: [oooooh what a mood] Janis: [as you are literally just 15 so it's not unreasonable to say some pubs and peeps clock it lol] Jimmy: [plus you're never on your best behaviour or subtle in any way lol] Janis: [exactly so you only have to piss off one person who's had it] Jimmy: [so easily done haha] Janis: [and you can exact some revenge fun so yah] Jimmy: [love that for you so much] Janis: [if we're doing 12 pubs like in Hazel's book, plenty of moods to go still] Jimmy: [definitely should and yeah we're talking about the 3rd being the one you get kicked out of so loads left] Jimmy: [you gotta hook up in the toilets of one obviously] Janis: [naturally, you're gonna need to at least mid point lol, maybe Pete could be in one with his mates n gf and you can have a little bro bonding moment that'd be cute] Janis: [karaoke obviously happens in one, probably the last though when we're drunk enough] Jimmy: [OMG yay I love Pete and you we have to start this lifelong bromance somewhere so yes that makes so much sense and I agree that karaoke is a nice way to end it because church will be a v different vibe]] Janis: [some carols are bangers but yes, on the whole haha] Jimmy: [gotta steal something either during this pub crawl or from church or both because that's your thing that you two do] Janis: [#mems so sneaky feelsy love that for you two, hmm is there anything else we can think of that we'd like to make a thing or] Jimmy: [there should be a dog at one of these pubs just chilling because that's also a you two thing] Janis: [so many pics of her with dogs in pubs, seriously lmao, so yeah] Jimmy: [sadly not in that outfit I'm sure] Janis: [we'll see if I can work something] Janis: [one should be truly bumping, like more than the others, so they can lose each other for a hot sec, you should probably both realistically get hit on some] Jimmy: [it is christmas eve it's plausible that at least some of these pubs would be packed] Janis: [it is a ting, and esp. in Ireland not to be stereotypical but it's true] Jimmy: [I hope you're not getting flirted with by any old creepy dudes gal] Janis: [simply the worst, why must they, drunk dudes of any age, god, like you can handle yourself but we're still not thrilled about it obvs, also drunk ladies tbf Jimothy, like gobby shrieky mums put him down] Jimmy: [sends her a picture of him with an ugly coloured lipstick mark on his cheek like sos] Janis: where are you Jimmy: where are you? Janis: I was near the bar, now I'm stuck behind this group of #ladsladslads from the ⚽🏀🏑🎾 shop over the road Janis: who the fuck did that to you? Jimmy: some Sharon, still waiting for my ⚽🏀🏑🎾🤴 Janis: what the fuck Janis: hang on Jimmy: look for a circle of middle aged lasses, that'll be me in the middle Janis: what are they using you like a handbag/pole for Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: hormones? Janis: didn't think the #mommyissues went both way, dirty bitches 🤢 Jimmy: dead giveaway that you've never worked in retail Jimmy: shameless all these Sharons and Karens Janis: dead giveaway they're not having lesbian midlife crises thank fuck Jimmy: ain't 👀 you yet, Judith Janis: I'm working on it, promise Jimmy: give 'em the smack I ain't allowed to Janis: I'm gonna Janis: 🥊 for a 💋 Jimmy: alright, a 💋 off me for every 🥊 sounds fair an' all Janis: yeah? Jimmy: you'll have to keep count for us Janis: [come find your man and rescue him from these thirsty laydeez, we will fight you hens, but deffo giving the ugly lipstick one a slap] Jimmy: [😍 that aren't a pisstake and obvs kissing her like he said he would] Janis: [we're actually so mad at these gals no lie, walk awayayay before it becomes too much of a thing, at least you can because that kiss would bring you back down slightly] Jimmy: [just asking her if there's any lads he needs to fight before they properly leave which you know is more cos he doesn't want anything bad to happen to her than anything else, we know the bae can handle herself] Janis: [shakes her head but this is 'cos she don't want to lose him again and we're just holding him like nope, stay with me] Jimmy: [a snuggle moment like I'm not going anywhere without you because it's not just because of being flirted with that we didn't like being away from her and we all know it] Janis: [just being couple goals showing these flirters right up, gently rubbing this lippy off him like no no] Jimmy: [putting the antlers on her like this is my bae thank you, everyone else back off, and for the shameless excuse to play with her hair always] Janis: [just pulling the nerdiest face 'not quite jail cell peril but-' like who's ride or die now, zoey doey] Jimmy: [a lol because that deer was honestly the most ride or die ever 'not yet' as if he's correcting her with a * and they're gonna be going full bonnie and clyde as the night goes on] Janis: [just pretending we're well offended like oi, how dare you but we're 😏 like oh really #intrigued too] Jimmy: [just writing a list of potential illegal acts on her with our fingertip as if it's a real list like remember these for later please] Janis: [trying to keep up but obviously not getting all that just like ???] Jimmy: [whisper them instead boy because we're still being couple goals here] Janis: [just add your own have a nice saucy back and forth here] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [I'm trying to think of a lowkey way to fuck with these women, like pouring a drink in their unattended handbags? gotta be sneaky guys] Jimmy: [ooh good idea, can't go too hard with it, it'd have to be something like that or like emptying it out and leaving their shit everywhere] Janis: [clearly gonna be too hype when you get to this one and you're not getting in] Jimmy: [not in the mood to be turned away, we're on a mission here] Janis: [raging in this car park like how dare] Jimmy: [🚬 because likewise and also 😳 like how dare you know I am but a child] Janis: [oh boy, just like 'you cold?' 'cos dem cheeks] Jimmy: [takes the antlers back like it's my reindeer vibe] Janis: [fixes her hair like UGH so rude 'probably why they turned us away'] Jimmy: [😒 af like don't blame me thank you] Janis: [nudging him with your foot like come on 'there's other pubs'] Jimmy: ['Direct me then' like let's go gal] Janis: [putting your hand out like stop for a sec though 'don't you wanna do something about it?' and not at all shamelessly going into his pocket whilst maintaining eye contact and getting out the marker and going over to a car and drawing a reindeer face on the windscreen 1. it'll come off easy so no harm truly done but 2. the pub peeps could clock it was them and know they've been got back, gesturing like come do some boy] Jimmy: [he's gonna draw a ghost with a santa hat because don't need any encouragement] Janis: [just do all the cars in this car park without getting caught, obvs gonna finish with a JJ heart 'cos duh] Jimmy: [just doing a little hand squeeze like thanks for that when you take the pen back to put it away because you feel better now] Janis: [shrugs like nbd but doing a little smile 'you wanna appease the fans whilst we're here too?'] Jimmy: [a nod like it's likewise nbd but the eye contact is not at all casual] Janis: [likewise getting on the bonnet of the JJ heart car like that's nothing and just looking at him like, you know what to do, #goals photo moment] Jimmy: [taking loads of pictures of her looking hot af before joining her to go in on any lovebites he thinks needs to look more extra for midnight mass #flimsyexcusesforever] Janis: [don't go in too hard and set the alarm off by which I mean do 'cos it's funny and also a cockblock to run] Jimmy: [interrupt this dry humping sesh before you get even more frustrated than you already are by this outfit] Janis: [mistakes were made lmao] Jimmy: [you'll both live] Janis: [you can hook up in #4 if I've kept count right lol] Jimmy: [soz not soz to that pub for how loud he's gonna be] Janis: [I hope you're not a tiny establishment 'cos lol even on a busy night that'd be heard, oh guys] Jimmy: [if you weren't shameless Jimothy we'd have some real problems] Janis: [we all know you are but you gotta have your drinks as well can't keep getting kicked] Jimmy: [yeah maybe don't hook up til you're about to leave here guys LOL] Janis: [got to order before you use the facilities xoxo] Jimmy: [and you pair are exactly why] Janis: [mhmm honey, maybe there will be a Christmas quiz or tombola or something at one of these pubs you can crash] Jimmy: [so festive but also believably shit, love that] Janis: [win some kind of prize ty ty] Jimmy: [you gotta and you're not having it shit nan cos we're not pleased to meet you hun] Janis: [even though it's probably something a nan would want 'cos isn't it always god bless] Jimmy: [give it to Tess cos she's not that kind of nan so that'll be funny] Janis: [not that you have to endure mass thank god] Jimmy: [challenge of keeping hold of whatever this is for the rest of the night and not losing it] Janis: [truly, probably some kind of bath set or shit biscuit tin] Jimmy: [don't eat the biscuits Jimmy you fat bastard] Janis: [gives you a half-eaten tin of biscuits, Tess fuming] Jimmy: [it's the thought that counts, nan] Janis: [such a 😎 boy lollllllll] Janis: [do you want to skip to having to go to mass?] Jimmy: [we totally can because we've thought of a lot of shit for this pub crawl honestly] Janis: [we have, very much a vibe was had, now you've got to show up to this church and we're just dreading this entire thing, it'll probably be a fair walk and we're just silent] Jimmy: [handholding cos we know she's dreading it and we're a team here] Janis: [god knows Junie isn't gonna be there 'cos the Venus sitch was this year so it's just ruster fam and you and grace so fun] Jimmy: [ugh what an anti-mood this will be, so glad you've had loads of drinks to help you through it guys] Janis: [billie simply not invited even though drew and meena would have to be there #rude oh what a mess, good thing we're dedicated to making a scene] Jimmy: [not that she would go but that's very rude, though it is a relief for us that paralysed sister secret isn't being outed as well since Libi already spilt the Edie tea] Janis: [drew might actually be in prison, but astrid and ro can come through, a joy, I'm sure lmao, we don't wanna get into ANY of this, god shit nan is gonna be so embarrassing over Jimmy 'cos she's a hoe for a boy, any boy lmao] Jimmy: [another reason for shit nan to shade Grace because she's never brought a boy to mass as if Janis isn't there deliberately doing everything wrong, okay bitch] Janis: [literally like where's ya boyfriend, shh shit nan so rude, it's okay she'd shade Meena for not forcing the kids and Tommy to come, as if these kids were raised remotely Christian] Jimmy: [they are hindus babe get on board, shading everyone's outfits as well obvs regardless of how inoffensive they are] Janis: [wearing the biggest most extra hat in the world like pop off, she's like a cartoon she's so ridiculous, probably gonna cry dramatically over her sons not being here for Christmas what a performance] Jimmy: [seriously it's as funny as it is awful] Janis: [we wouldn't blame you for being amused Jimothy, like we would be but not like we're on your side shit nan just like wtf woman] Jimmy: [he'll be too busy trying not to die because of the incense getting him but I'm sure we'll find parts of it amusing to look back on] Janis: [it's apparently gross I've never been to a Catholic ting so can't fully say but I know they waft it about in that swingy thing, you also bless yourself with holy water when you come in the door so there's that] Jimmy: [he will flick holy water at you bae] Janis: [pretending we're melting because we don't care #churchbants] Jimmy: [now is the perfect time for one of your dramatic death scenes, boy, everyone's just horrified] Janis: [just so 😍 as we pick him up off the floor lmao, tryna make sure he's sat nowhere near Rio, even though she's probably trying to be polite and introduce herself and the gang we're like good day] Jimmy: [sit next to Grace jimothy, she won't talk to you excessively and you already know she's embarrassing] Janis: [shit nan gon' be too busy being a busybody so that's something] Jimmy: [will put his head on the bae's shoulder like we do whenever we're bored by a flatwhite function before church has even started as much for the shade as a variation on the feelsy lean like I'm here for you gal] Janis: [at least you can text under your pamphlets 'cos rude and is the goal, as well as the rest, but leaning into this lean too and writing 'soz' on his arm] Jimmy: [and you have signing for shading people now and later because none of y'all would know any, putting a line through where she wrote her sorry like no you don't need to be] Janis: [a look like, it ain't over yet] Jimmy: [a look like I can handle it] Janis: [😏 like challenge accepted] Jimmy: [is sneezing already though probably how adorable] Jimmy: 😈 coming out Jimmy: bit awkward Janis: [loling] Janis: it's grim, ain't it Janis: jesus was a stoner, who knew Jimmy: worse even than ☕ Jimmy: 🤞 jesus won't @ my manager Jimmy: [pretends like he's gonna wipe his nose on her jacket cos I vaguely remember a furry one with her lewk] Janis: you don't need MORE competition, like Janis: [yeah, it's probably graces so you can be offended gal like 'scuse me] Jimmy: imagine the tips that dickhead would get Jimmy: SO on brand for them, him Janis: gonna put a help wanted ad in the collection plate for him Jimmy: don't how famous your dad is mate, fill in an application like every fucker else, tah Janis: that's his whole thing, sickening, tbh Jimmy: and OBVS every time he name drops it'll make the lasses frothier than their ☕ but still Jimmy: what's your CV without the miracles? Janis: you should be happy, not jealous Jimmy: can't be a slag for tips if nobody's bothered Jimmy: is he gonna feed me 🥖 and 🐟 or what? Janis: have to come back to find that out Janis: (spoiler alert, yeah, some 🍷 too) Janis: just covering his miraculous birth tonight, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [is gonna carve the JJ love heart into this pew, look away shit nan your heart won't take it] Janis: [we're about it though obvs] Jimmy: You going home after this? Janis: where else? Jimmy: where else do you want to? Jimmy: already nicked one car, can make it 2, easy Janis: oh right Janis: we have to get you home Janis: [mad on the low like this part of the plan escaped us how] Jimmy: can't 📞 Ian for a lift, might do though so he realises his car's gone Jimmy: but you're alright, I'll chuck doll jesus out of his straw bed Janis: we'll work it out Janis: not that an actual lift from any of this lot sounds like a right laugh but Janis: [shrugs like they obvs would] Jimmy: I'll just shout about that I need somewhere to😴 some dickhead'll put me up in a barn Jimmy: nowt more festive than that Janis: if only you were a knocked up teen Jimmy: 💔 fucked over by being a straight white lad YET AGAIN Janis: tell my nan about it and she'd adopt you Janis: it's not that far to yours Janis: got vehicles you wouldn't have to steal, technically Jimmy: not having her round the other 2 unless healing hands actually work Jimmy: happily have her car though Janis: [looks around at the fam like does it look like it works] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [we loling not soz to the hot priest] Janis: [shushing him in an even more obvious way as is the point like omg babe] Jimmy: [being like soz and making it even more of a thing as is also the point] Janis: [shit nan already in a mood 'cos there's 2 small children here and we know what that's like whenever you're meant to be quiet, at least she can pretend that's cute] Janis: tomorrow is gonna be so shit Jimmy: yeah Janis: least you can actually join in with the shit Bobby wanted Janis: that'll be alright Jimmy: he'll wanna compare 🎁 with his new best mate, get her 📞 Janis: baby 💔 Janis: you can let him Janis: she'll be gutted about the lack of attention she's getting as it's princesses' first xmas Janis: [side eyes baby venus] Jimmy: what are you and her doing the day after? Jimmy: might be a good shout to get them together Janis: I'll ask but it's usually more of the same, so fuck all Janis: with leftovers Jimmy: sounds about right Janis: they'd love it Jimmy: 💔 there weren't any reindeer in your fields I could nick an' all Jimmy: he's obsessed now Janis: soz about that Janis: we've got some donkeys but that's not very 💖 Janis: if they'd have spiced up the nativity he might be bothered but as it stands Jimmy: I'll do one out of snow when I get back Janis: alright, michaelangelo Jimmy: [nods at the heart he's carved into this pew like you weren't taking the piss then] Janis: you're my favourite artist Janis: SUCH a compliment Jimmy: [giving her OTT 😍 to hide that we're embarrassed by said compliment] Jimmy: all down to the muse, that Janis: I probably will be taking the blame for that so why not the glory too Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you can come back with me for a bit Janis: for drinks and shit Janis: sadly, shit nan does not attend 💔 Janis: but there'll be loads of other fuckers, if you wanna Jimmy: alright Janis: you don't have to Janis: she'll make sure EVERYONE knows Jimmy: I said alright Janis: ALRIGHT Jimmy: [IRL 🤫 without making the shh sound] Janis: [mouthing 'make me' in a way definitely a few people are gonna clock] Jimmy: [A LOOK like I'd rather make you do the opposite] Janis: [you know what hit me like kinda obvious but also hasn't been stated so] Janis: [shit nan is probably HERE for this, aside from when they're pissing about rn, she'd be like oh you dressed like a girl for once and brought a boy you aren't related to, like accidental fail 'cos shit nan has weird priorities l o l] Jimmy: [OG supporter and spreader of those gay rumours like not another one on my watch honey] Janis: [just banging on about how they never bring boys around like yeah this is why but also mind yo business, she's so extra, and she'd just think jimothy was shy and be like aww] Jimmy: [when you antisocial but people think you shy, their future daughter can relate] Janis: [mhmm] Janis: is the incense making you feel 😵? Jimmy: If I say it is can we piss off? Jimmy: [because yes but we don't wanna admit it because we're so tough okay] Janis: is what I was getting at Janis: ['cos we're done with this and leaving early is the only sure-fire way to annoy shit nan at this point plus what a LOOK, so grabbing his hand like he's about to vom like 'SCUSE US WE GOTTA GO RN] Jimmy: hang on then, I'll have another crack at it Jimmy: *SO 😵😵😵 me Jimmy: have a word Jimmy: [and we're out of here, bye but we're not actually saying bye fam] Janis: [actually making him get some fresh air before we start smoking or anything of the sort] Jimmy: [allowing it because it did actually get him] Janis: [cold air sobering in all the ways it's needed right now] Jimmy: [mhmm] Jimmy: [asking her if she's okay by writing it on her with a ? when we could just ask because we're outside now] Janis: [shrugs 'used to it' we talking 'bout the smoke or everything else hen] Jimmy: [offering her a 🚬 or the pen or keys like choose your weapon for killing yourself with] Janis: ['too obvious if her car gets keyed' and takes a 🚬 but makes a big deal out of getting far away from him like you're so sensitive] Jimmy: [throws some snow at her like if you're gonna be rude so will I] Janis: [tipsy snowball fight realness] Jimmy: [gonna do snow angels because where better than outside church RIP to Grace's jacket if she joins in lol] Janis: [obviously we are, excuse us] Jimmy: [get art hoey and make them look like JJ boy] Janis: [that's a mood] Jimmy: [lots of hair for her and sunglasses and grumpy face for you, we know the vibe] Janis: ['thanks, by the way'] Jimmy: [a shrug like don't worry about it] Janis: [having to look at him to look like, seriously, I know they're all extra and that was a lot] Jimmy: [when you were gonna touch her face/move her hair out of it in a romantic way like seriously it's okay but your hands are freezing from doing the snow angel details so it's like ! oh no soz] Janis: [move them down so they're around your waist under this furry coat like warm them up boy but usually that'd be skin to skin contact so you're gutted 'stupid, fucking jumpsuit'] Jimmy: [holding on tight anyway and pulling her closer to you because always but eventually letting go for long enough to put your lighter in her hand 'for in a bit' like you can set this on fire later babe that'll cheer you] Janis: [just looking at it like it's a ring in a box 'this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me' love joking but double meaning means lowkey not really] Jimmy: [looking at it and getting the key out like can I engrave something onto this would it work because we can always be more romantic] Janis: [I'm dying 'cos the actual gift she got you for xmas is literally very related to this so that's swagger] Jimmy: [cackling that we both had the Shakespearian rose idea and also because my idea for what he gives her that I obvs can't do because I'd never find anything like it is a swag copy of romeo and juliet you know when they have nice covers and he's like doodled inside and crossed lines out to rewrite them and like written a sonnet etc and then like at some bit of the play they don't fuck with probably the beginning when Romeo is a hoe like carving a space out which she could fit said lighter in but obvs he didn't have that specifically in mind he was just like lol a secret hiding place cos remember how easy they found Ella's diary] Janis: [I'm dying that's such a mood, like okay, pretending we aren't even friends or something LOL] Jimmy: [gonna say that there is also some Bobby doodles in there too because yolo we a squad now and if he'd had chance to get Libi to add to it he would've but sadly there was no way] Janis: [simply dying, if only you could spend tomorrow with each other alas gotta entertain the fam literally this one day a year] Jimmy: [I'm so happy you're gonna see each other though even though you don't know yet] Janis: [like the lowkey shock you're gonna have to hide rn so you don't spoil the surprise for him tomorrow, ugh, your minds, our minds] Jimmy: [at least he'd be concentrating on carving this rose with a literal key trying to make sure it doesn't look like a blob so that'll help you gal] Janis: [oscar-worthy performance lol] Jimmy: [and you can just kiss him if all else fails] Janis: [also I think this midnight mass should've been 11-12 so when they hear the finale going on inside they know it's xmas, v cinematic] Jimmy: [yasss I support that, obvs say merry christmas to her boy even though you're forlorn at the prospect of and dreading it] Janis: [practically loling at the prospect 'cos likewise but kissing him back] Jimmy: [have your moment kids before everyone comes out of this church] Janis: [clearly wanna fuck off before any of the fam can see you like byeee] Jimmy: [escape lads] Janis: [or lifts will be offered and lord knows you don't want that, you wanna be alone and cute] Jimmy: [we all know you should go home now and get some sleep before Bobby wakes up ridiculously early but we all know you won't and the reasons why] Janis: [at least it's a very ali/fam in general vibe that there's drinks and party food going on so you can and it doesn't look like what it clearly is] Jimmy: [enjoy your walk back there alone before you have to deal with peeps again] Janis: [at least it doesn't need to be literally everyone, and a fair amount of you have kids you'd need to be home for, too bad Libi is probably asleep even if she tried really hard lol] Jimmy: [she could wake up when she hears everyone if we want that lil mvp in our lives] Janis: [just peeping down the stairs tryna be sneaky then she sees Jimmy and is like MY BFFS ARE HERE 'cos thinks they come as a duo at all times obvs] Jimmy: [she's not wrong about it and he will pick you up and spin you round lil queen cos we stan] Janis: [we love that, directing him to the tree like BUT 👏 HAS 👏 HE 👏 BEEN 👏 and deffo not babe the adults are still getting pissed but god bless you] Jimmy: [but jj should give her something they've picked up over the course of this wild night like there you go bab] Janis: [we're thrilled, also like is your dog asleep, my dog's asleep 'cos Killer cannot come to this cat castle sadly but she's got Star under her arm like hey] Jimmy: [telling her that Twix, Bobby and Snow are all asleep but also telling her she can record a voice memo for them if she wants so they'll get in when they wake up] Janis: [probably screaming MERRY CHRISTMAS such is our excitement then being like I hope you got xyz from his list that she's managed to remember well done bab then being like I'm up SOOOO late little brag like imma catch Santa and see if this one knows signing and has a real beard] Jimmy: [Jimothy is gonna teach you some more signing bab cos lbr the only other person he wants to talk to here is Janis so we're chuffed you're here] Janis: [at least mcvickers are not so strict they're gonna march you back to bed right away, you may as well stay up a bit now you are so you don't wake everyone at the crack of dawn like I did lol] Jimmy: [and like Bobby will do, there's gonna be no point Jimothy going to bed lol] Janis: [honestly, all nighter it is, at least once the meal is over and the drama you can be back together huns don't worry, also lol @ mcvickers being like oh you again 'cos when Libi ran in lmao] Jimmy: [Tess has her eye on you boy but she'd be secretly thrilled to see how good you are with Libi, not in a cringey shit nan way but just] Janis: [you're clearly not a total fuckboy of a teenage lad, we can be lowkey happy about that always lol, meanwhile just securing the good scran for us right now whilst Libi probably talks Jimmy through every dec and they're probably mostly homemade by the kids so like enjoy that] Jimmy: [Poor Grace is probably crying and angsting in her room about whatever shit nan said and did to her so there'll be enough food for you boy] Janis: [honestly poor Grace like we just made it worse for you accidentally, shit nan stirring the pot always] Jimmy: [I like to think Ali is coming through for you because she knows exactly what shit nan is like] Janis: [we aren't the type to be too busy hosting or whatever to not notice when our kids are upset, thankfully] Jimmy: [she's a good mum and like Tess and Janis she always notices things so] Jimmy: [the question we need to ask ourselves is about Billie's whereabouts because if she's there then obvs Jimothy isn't gonna be like gimme the tea but like he will know now] Janis: [she's gonna be about 18 so yes, she's almost definitely there, even if she was out earlier it's like late enough that she'd be back] Jimmy: [literally rolling up with whatever mates she was out with like LOL how was church everyone because we all hate shit nan in this house] Janis: [Janis really going in on how shit she was to everyone and doing an impression which we're clearly just great at tbh, also overplay how scared poor hot priest is] Jimmy: [she'd love it and you know she'd be commenting on Janis' outfit being like bet she was so down for you being dressed like that because she's been shaded herself for being dressed like a boy clearly] Janis: ['surprised she didn't have it off me to borrow' like who does shit nan think she is honestly, kind of iconic but not, also shading Ro 'cos we all love to do that in this household too, especially after the Rio ting even Ali ain't gonna stop you] Jimmy: [Billie do HATE Ro because she loves Astrid and we know she's not doing the best for that bub so obvs asking how she was because bringing her to church when she's autistic af and you can't deal with her anywhere is never gonna be the one tbh] Janis: ['lucky she had her wrapped up tight enough she could hide in her scarf' 'cos the smells, the sounds, the sights, TOO MUCH 'she liked the nativity scene though' hot priest being cool and letting her play in it 'cos lord knows Ro doesn't have the strength to control her literal it's so dangerous] Jimmy: [Billie do be fuming because you know full well that Ro wouldn't let her look after her as if she's incapable when POT KETTLE] Janis: [mhmm, rosaline, get in your own wheelchair you're at death's door you cow, just shrugging like I know and telling her about Meena 'cos always coming for her life as well shit nan like 'you could've at least brought Thomas and his REAL children' like you'll leave the adopted ones at home OKAY HUN] Jimmy: [Billie LIVID because she's not Ali's REAL child but she is though, fuck you shit nan, thank god Jimmy is busy with Libi cos he don't need all this tea in his life yet] Janis: [also the hypocrisy 'cos Drew and Meena aren't your real children either but are when it suits you silly woman, honestly, lowkey then just hoping Billie will get distracted and not wanna be introduced to him lmao, like who's dis, idk, bring him his food and Libi the bits you've sneakily brought her 'cos you're meant to be ready for bed not nomming again] Jimmy: [luckily she'd be drunk-ish and have brought friends so easy to distract because we don't need to do that rn gal, so much has already happened this holiday season] Janis: [seems lowkey shady on both your behalfs like am I not good enough to be intro'd but we're not trying to be like and here's this person and that person and make it too #real] Jimmy: [this party has a chill vibe and she's a chill person she's not gonna pull a Rio and be like MUST INTRODUCE SELF we all know Janis has never brought a lad back before and we're not trying to embarrass her] Janis: [exactly, it's already happened once, almost as a point like YOU CANNOT IGNORE ME JANIS lmao, just telling Libi to go get the kennel they made Snow out of a cereal box or something to show Jimmy so she'll actually leave him be for a hot sec, squeezing his hand like alright?] Jimmy: [just smiling at her because actually has had a nice time with Libi even though it would have made him feel bad for not being at home with Bobby rn and leaving him earlier, like boy it's okay he's a sleep but he always feels guilty regardless] Janis: [#mumguilt because we're raising our brother, so rude, just smiling back like thank god this isn't going as bad 'wanna show off how crafty I am too, obvs' in reference to this kennel like such an #arthoe] Jimmy: [waves a picture of that sheep costume on his phone at her like girl I know] Janis: [😏 and stroking the lighter than is in our hand 'cos obvs taken the jacket off and there's no way there's pockets on that thing lol] Jimmy: [pulling her chair as close to his chair as he can because we just always wanna be closer to her all the time and something falling off her plate when he do so we're keeping that for Star to eat when Libi gets back as if she's a real dog] Janis: [😳 that we can pretend is just from coming inside to the warm] Jimmy: [also taking whatever fell off her plate and she lost off his so she can have it but why give it to her normally when you can feed it to her/put it in her mouth because you're that bitch] Janis: [just LOOKING at him like, there has not been enough alone time today remotely] Jimmy: [obvs LOOKING back but before he can suggest they go get her out of that outfit Libi is back so we gonna look at this kennel and feed Star and that whole thing] Janis: [gotta do some parenting, cockblocked, at least you'll be getting sleepy and made to go back to bed soon enough hun you ain't partying the whole night away] Jimmy: [they can be the ones to take her though cos then they'll be upstairs already and won't have far to go to her room to finally be alone for a bit] Janis: [and you are that bitch, like no no, I want THEM to do it #princesslife sure you have some story that you can be read either about Christmas or dogs] Jimmy: [if not they'll make one up for you, Jimothy is 10000% that bitch] Janis: [Star and Snow going on an epic adventure, love that for them] Jimmy: [I hope you remember it so you can tell it to Bobby tomorrow night or whenever] Janis: [do your best, drunk babes] Jimmy: [you're not totally wasted like you were when partying, you should remember most of this stuff] Jimmy: [especially the joy when that jumpsuit finally comes off for good] Janis: [yeah, no excuse of being blasted this time] Janis: [it's also glittery, so that's scratchy, simply not a vibe apart from the lewk of, you can break it if you want guys] Jimmy: [that's a saucy mood] Janis: [you have form and you're both frustrated af by now] Jimmy: [fun as hooking up in that pub toilet would have been, that would feel like forever ago and it's not the same vibe as when you can take your time and be as extra as you want] Janis: [should also note hi to her house and bedroom this convo, not that we're taking it in but just for reference later] Jimmy: [yeah he's very preoccupied rn and there has been a lot of peeps and stuff going on but you can't not notice Ali's vibe and all the cats and the contrast between that and her bare as hell room will be jarring when you realise] Janis: [pretend we do not see, more important things to do rn lads] Jimmy: [we're very in love tonight and it cannot be overstated how much of a cockblock that outfit was when the bae always be giving you so much skin to work with usually] Janis: [not your usual at all, we're all mad about it and making up for it now, excuse us] Jimmy: [enjoy that lads, we know you will] Janis: [soz to the people upstairs, aka Grace, put your headphones in gal] Jimmy: [hopefully Ali has gone so we can say she has] Janis: [or she will if you two start, don't need that in any of our lives lol] Jimmy: [Grace is having a shit enough night without hearing you two] Janis: [when you know he lowkey has to leave now and you don't want him to] Jimmy: [and he knows and doesn't wanna leave either so it's like let's just keep kissing forever and prolong this and pretend I don't] Janis: ['how hard do you think your dad is gonna flip shit?' when we're lowkey worried but doing the most to sound like we ain't and we're just curious here] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we know exactly but we're not gonna answer honestly and the point is it's supposed to be nbd and we don't care but also then doing a 🤞 and an impression of Bobby's impression of angry Ian because Ian flipping out is what we wanted and we obvs hope it's enough for us to go back up north] Janis: ['his was better' and patting his shoulders like there there 'christmas miracle, I guess' and crosses her fingers back, getting up to find clothes to throw on] Jimmy: ['should've done the sound effects' cos obvs Bobby doesn't on his cos can't hear Ian shouting and is mute, chucking a pillow at her like oi cos we don't want her to get up because that means he has to leave soon and no] Janis: ['have to settle for second for now' and shrugs like oh well, and just looking back like 'scuse me when he throws the pillow] Jimmy: [just picking her up because he hasn't all night and chucking her back on this bed like 1. I won't accept second thank you and 2. come back] Janis: [just like oi and 😒 at him like what you want] Jimmy: [tucking her in like stay put gal] Janis: ['you've got to go' like he was the one getting ready] Jimmy: [dramatically flopping down next to her like I can't possibly I'm so comfortable] Janis: [pushing him like you're gonna pushing him out the bed but obviously don't] Jimmy: [push her back but again not hard] Janis: ['how are you getting back?' and folding our arms] Jimmy: [a very helpful shrug] Janis: ['what's wrong?'] Jimmy: [when you're about to say nothing but that's such a lie that it feels pointless so you're just there like 👀 and then 'you said it' because she did when she said he had to go that's the entire issue here] Janis: [just silent for a while 'cos what can either of you do about that 'yeah'] Jimmy: [just getting ready to go because what else can you do boy] Janis: [getting up and stopping him like ! 'don't go' even though you know he's got to right now 'cos you're thinking about if the plan works and they go back to Manchester] Jimmy: [hugging her because you don't want to go and saying as much even though it's muffled and also obvious lol] Janis: ['it'll be more shit again when you do' from inside this hug] Jimmy: [hugging her tighter because true for you too] Janis: [breaking it apart like that's enough now] Jimmy: [dramatically kiss her before getting ready to go for a second time] Janis: [do you want him to walk/or does he want a lift? 'cos obvs she wouldn't make him go with whoever alone so that adds another bit if so] Jimmy: [he'll probably just walk even though it'll take ages because we're in no rush to get back] Jimmy: [unless she's like no get a lift you idiot and then he will because we're a pushover for the bae] Janis: [we'd know that's the vibe and thus wouldn't argue, like we might wanna go with but what is the point 'cos then he'll wanna walk you back and it'll be a farce lmao] Jimmy: [you can chat to him to make sure he's still alive if you want gal but you can't come with or you'll end up staying and the fam will be fuming] Janis: [*angrily comes to pick you up* got to be folorn and separate soz guys it won't be for long] Janis: don't turn into a ⛄ Jimmy: use your head, girl, it'd save me building our kid's reindeer Janis: could Jack Frost your dad Janis: he melts away at the end, yeah? Jimmy: I dunno that one Janis: I think it's depressing so won't recc it for your Christmas day watch Jimmy: sounds like a top pick for us, that Janis: play with your dead dad for the winter then take him up a mountain when he starts to melt, still melts though Jimmy: I googled it, he's what they invented my 😎 emoji for Jimmy: rock star dickhead Janis: and he was batman Janis: you're so outshined Jimmy: 😭💔🎻 Jimmy: piss off and fake marry him if you love him that bad, Jasmine Janis: question, if the harmonica was magic, could he see him every winter from then on Janis: and how many winters before the kid is like, let's just skip that whole charade this year Jimmy: depends how many bollocks sequels they were reckoning on doing when they wrote that bit Jimmy: how old were the kid? by the time he's 12 he'll be telling batdad to piss off Janis: I swear he was already that old Janis: one time deal and we accidentally break that harmonica Jimmy: gutted it ain't that easy to be rid of Ian Jimmy: but promise I'll melt when you're #overthis Jimmy: no need for a fake break up Janis: yeah right Janis: you're no Jack Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: 😭💔🎻 is mutual Jimmy: will be when this is the last you see of me Janis: shut up Jimmy: if that's what you want your last words to me to be Janis: if you were freezing to death/getting murdered/a combo of the two, you wouldn't have the time to be pissing about in the 💬 Jimmy: always have the time for you, baby Jimmy: fine with them being my last words Janis: an empty promise? Jimmy: there's nowt empty about it Janis: it's empty if you're fucking off and dying Janis: the ⏲ running Jimmy: what 'cause 💀💀💀 is gonna separate us? Bill won't be having that Jimmy: 👻💕 Janis: he does write it Jimmy: and his writing were heavily ❌ which you know he's FUMING ABOUT Janis: heavily plagiarized, so I've heard Jimmy: 🤫 he'll haunt you Janis: that's what he wants Jimmy: he might do but you don't need to be nicking my mates Janis: you've got a new one Jimmy: ? Janis: your barista buddy Janis: with the 🎄 foliage Jimmy: piss off, he's not my mate Janis: alright Janis: boyfriend Jimmy: if I had him, I wouldn't need to fake date you Janis: 1. rude 2. we're all gutted he's taken don't take it out on me Jimmy: I don't fuck my co-workers, his missus or how 💔 any dickhead is don't come into it Janis: alright Janis: obviously a pisstake but well impressive how noble you are Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for being a 🏆 cautionary tale Jimmy: if nowt else he's useless for what not to bother doing Jimmy: *useful [watch me write the literal opposite word to what I meant because I'm tired and you usually are useless sir] Janis: I don't think he'd mind a cheeky bum squeeze Jimmy: depends who off of Janis: not your dad, obvs Jimmy: 🤢 obvs dickhead Jimmy: your 🧠 is only on the 1 track at the minute Janis: I'm trying to keep you company dickhead Janis: you wanna talk about how cold and dark it is? Jimmy: why are them your options? Janis: I'm just talking Janis: why do you wanna talk about something specific or? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: what do you mean, it's simple Janis: you've either got something in mind or you ain't Jimmy: what's simpler than saying something if there were owt on my 🧠 Janis: you're known for that Jimmy: and you're known for being funny Janis: if 'piss off' is on your mind, hurry up and get it off the tip of your tongue Jimmy: What so you can put some more words there? You're alright Janis: I haven't said you said shit Jimmy: not THAT thick and you ain't that subtle Janis: ? Jimmy: just call me a mardy prick or owt else you reckon Jimmy: that's where this is going Janis: you're being weird, that's where this is Jimmy: it weren't me who brought up the mates or boyfriends I should have Janis: it was a joke, not going to say that again Janis: and I'm surrounded by both, aren't I? Janis: gonna open myself up for that easy shot Jimmy: no need to beg me to repeat how funny it were Jimmy: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Janis: forget it Janis: just tell me when you've got home Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [literally a hot second later because Jimothy don't wanna leave it like this ever] Jimmy: fuck this, no Jimmy: I don't wanna just tell you when I'm back Janis: stop being a total arsehole then Janis: I know you don't wanna go home right now Jimmy: I'll leave it out Jimmy: it's just Jimmy: weird Janis: why? Jimmy: What do you mean why? You properly turned christmas eve round Jimmy: I'm used to it being shit but not this Jimmy: and it's doing my head in that I can't see you tomorrow Janis: we could Janis: still allowed 🚬 breaks, right? Janis: once the main events 🎁🦃 are out the way Jimmy: bit far to come to nick all my 🚬 Janis: someone has to walk Killer Jimmy: alright Janis: if you want Jimmy: I said Jimmy: it's if you want Janis: I suggested it Jimmy: there you go then Janis: you're so awkward Jimmy: how am I? Janis: you just are Jimmy: if you ain't got any #receipts hun, don't come for me Janis: 😂 Janis: eurgh Jimmy: 💅🤷 Janis: wonder how their xmas eve went Jimmy: 💀👑 probably started opening her 🎁s at midnight Jimmy: still cracking on Jimmy: 💎💰🐴💄👜👠💰👗💎 Janis: I'm SO jealous Jimmy: me an' all, obvs Jimmy: but she can keep the new 🐩 Janis: Christ Janis: I swear to GOD if my sister has got that baby a fucking puppy Jimmy: 💭 of the 🐕🏃💰 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 trainer, you Janis: I wouldn't if they paid double Jimmy: we'll @ Mia's daddy to negotiate the rates Janis: hot Janis: can't wait Jimmy: the ONLY christmas gift worth having, I get it Janis: Obviously Janis: the 💔 would finally off her Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: you can hit him up Janis: not calling dibs Jimmy: He's SO fit and mysterious I dunno which of us is more his type 🤔❗❓ Janis: you're thicker Janis: could be his secretary Jimmy: hang on, are you calling me fat or Asia? Janis: Honey, you're both 😘 Jimmy: 😍 Jimmy: I'm tiktok Tammy Janis: You really are Janis: I know who I am, we don't need to say Jimmy: SO complimentary after midnight, you Janis: wow, Gremlin is a new low Janis: you're as rude as ever Jimmy: come on, you can be the cute ginger one Janis: you're the fattest one Jimmy: least you didn't say I were the dickhead lad Janis: not actually seen 'em, tbh Janis: if the shoe fits Jimmy: I'll suggest it for our sleepover with 💀👑 and her gremlins Janis: such a shame we never got that Jimmy: I'll make it happen for you, my dear Janis: gotta desecrate all her beds or what's the point Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: 💪🏆 Janis: how long can I get away with lying in tomorrow do you reckon Jimmy: @ Libi with them Q&As Janis: 😩😩 Jimmy: baby Jimmy: [🥺 selfie] Janis: it's rude that you're so fit even in flash lighting Janis: dickhead Jimmy: you could let me have it Jimmy: how fit you are Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: I don't wanna miss you Jimmy: don't, I'm here 👋💕 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I meant what I said Jimmy: tonight were good Jimmy: I don't want it to be done for ages Janis: alright Jimmy: [sends her a 👍 pic like a nerd] Janis: we'll do something 🥊 day Janis: even if my nan says no to Libi coming, yeah Jimmy: she'll be 💔 but yeah Janis: yeah, 🤞 Jimmy: if Libi knew she'd have a word with 🎅 probably 🥊 him Janis: see if I can convince Buster to put on the beard and let her go for it Jimmy: get your shit nan to grow hers out Janis: 😶 Janis: and you were SUCH a nice boy Jimmy: should've said you wanted me to 🥊 her Jimmy: did owe you after that Sharon 💋 Janis: there'll be other chances Janis: not the only one who attracts people having mid-life crises Jimmy: we have SO MUCH in common Jimmy: I'll 🥊 Lucas for you whenever Janis: 🥰🥰🥰 Jimmy: his is an end of life crisis but Janis: 🔪🔪🔪? Janis: 😳 Jimmy: I were on about him being 👴 Jimmy: but obvs I'll stab him if you want Janis: we can do it together Janis: bit more macbeth but Bill should still be alright with it Jimmy: #datenight Jimmy: that'll be SO romantic Janis: 💋🩸 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: how cold are your fingers? Jimmy: as a come on goes Jimmy: well creative Janis: it would be if you weren't (hopefully) nearly home Jimmy: I ain't the athlete you are, Jenna Janis: Oh, babes Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: gonna have to train you too? Janis: what a #humblebrag Jimmy: depends what treats you've got Janis: what was it Janis: pies, pints and ...? Jimmy: 🥔 DUH Jimmy: but I'll have 🚬 off you an' all once I get another lighter Janis: well that explains it Janis: sensitive subject Jimmy: said you'd be calling me a mardy prick Janis: I was talking about the famine Janis: you've got a lot to learn, boy Jimmy: go on then 🤓 Janis: you want a history lesson, you're the 🤓 Jimmy: if you ain't up to teaching me something, I'll take it back Janis: psh Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: so go on Janis: [a rundown I ain't gonna give lmao] Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: um, give me more 👏🌹 dickhead Janis: that was EFFORT Jimmy: *🥇 Jimmy: alright? Janis: it'll do Jimmy: what more do you want? Janis: I said it'd do Janis: 😇 Jimmy: but Jimmy: effort for effort, like Janis: You need to get some sleep Janis: we can talk about effort tomorrow Jimmy: I've got a snow reindeer to build Janis: you're gonna be knackered Jimmy: used to that an' all 👴🎻 Janis: 🚬 break will make it better, promise Jimmy: I miss you Janis: you'll think of me when you make your Rudolph sculpture Jimmy: got any 💡🥇 for how to make his nose glow? Janis: 🤔 Janis: except for making him blush, not really Janis: can't use any 💡 or 🔥 Jimmy: reckon he's gonna be more of a challenge to get 😳 than you Janis: that's funny Janis: not how I 💭 it being Jimmy: bit weird that Jimmy: 'cause it's how it were Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Jimmy: 🙄 is what Janis: it's better than 😳 Jimmy: 😳 suits you Janis: maybe it suits you too Jimmy: does it? Janis: yeah Janis: a lot Jimmy: [a lil 😳 vid while he's doing this snow reindeer is he just cold, we all know the answer] Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: oh Jimmy: you gonna give me one back or what? Janis: a competition to see who can 😳 the most isn't one I wanted 🥇 for but Janis: [obvs does, obvs cute and dying] Jimmy: you can have it though Janis: rather you came back Janis: but I'll take it Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: should've let you stay longer Janis: SO hard being SUCH a good person Jimmy: all that dickhead 🎅's fault Jimmy: having a list Jimmy: SUCH a tory Janis: massive tory Janis: no prezzies for poor kids Janis: lump of coal to rub it in Jimmy: he's about as subtle as my dad, funny that Jimmy: ALMOST like they might be the same bloke Jimmy: with an identical fetish for the mines Janis: 😱🤢😵 Janis: keep that to yourself before you ruin anyone else's Christmas Janis: explains how he's always working Jimmy: !!!🤯 Jimmy: send tweet to everyone but our kid and Libi Janis: you're good with her Jimmy: ain't much of a job to piss about with her Jimmy: she's alright Janis: you should takeover Gracie's gig instead Janis: swapsies Jimmy: Ian should just pay me but won't hold my breath Jimmy: not with these lungs Janis: suppose he pays you with the roof over your head and that's the excuse for everything 🙄 Janis: know the sort Jimmy: can't forget hot water, food, clothes on my back, be a right pisstake Janis: of course Janis: where is his 🥇 Jimmy: he really did reckon he deserved one for the 🐕 Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 mate Janis: LOVE another mouth to begrudgingly feed Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: how old was your dad when he had you Jimmy: how old's he now? 105?? 🤔 Jimmy: hang on, nah, what's that saying? Only as old as the lass you smack on the arse Janis: 😏 past it then Janis: point remains anyway, people stay stupid Jimmy: northern and thick Jimmy: top combo that Janis: all people are the same Janis: collect a load of 👶��👦🐶 you think you want 'cos it feels good at the time Jimmy: Dunno if it ever did for him, more in it for the 🎻💔😭 Janis: 💘 of the tragic backstory Jimmy: *life story Jimmy: that goes on and fucking on Janis: its called generational trauma Janis: you'd know if your ma was a wanna-be hippie Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: and my mum Janis: it's just a word to throw about Janis: if she knows how to heal it she's keeping that one to herself Jimmy: that'll work, they both love throwing words about Jimmy: don't matter if they know what they mean or not Janis: there you go Janis: @ each other Janis: spark that back up Jimmy: there's that 🎄 miracle my sister has her 🤞 for Jimmy: she'll be chuffed to bits Janis: 😬 Janis: shit Jimmy: been ages but if any dickhead can sort it 🎅 Janis: 🚗❓😡🛫🛬🏡🙏 Jimmy: sounds about right that Ian would 💭 my mum had popped back up just to nick his car Janis: I mean, fairplay if she did Janis: I just meant if your plan works though you'll be 🥇 brother x2 again Jimmy: dunno about that Janis: maybe for like, a day, anyway Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 Jimmy: be me Janis: awh Janis: cute Jimmy: soz I meant Jimmy: *🌧😒 Janis: easy mistake to make Janis: still cute Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: if I keep 😳 all the snow'll melt Janis: 👋 shit dad Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 full orchestra Janis: so emotional Jimmy: 💰 on that soundtrack being top quality Jimmy: have a look Janis: there's 3 hanson songs Janis: none of which being mmbop Jimmy: what the fuck Janis: 1998 was a time, apparently Jimmy: 💔 I ain't a time travelling 👻 or ⛄ Janis: "It's possible for the Jim Henson folks and Industrial Light and Magic to put their heads together and come up with the most repulsive single creature in the history of special effects, and I am not forgetting the Chucky doll or the desert intestine from Star Wars." Janis: when your dad gets dragged Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I guess it's better than when they redid the whole Jack Frost vibe later and they made him look like one of your coworkers Jimmy: if he pops a CV in I'll be out the door Janis: yeah you will Janis: 💔 for the fans Jimmy: OI Jimmy: you're meant to reassure me, dickhead Janis: Babe Janis: you're the best barista they've ever had Janis: better? Jimmy: late than never Janis: Baby boy Jimmy: you weren't taking the piss when you had shit that were actually edible offered to you Jimmy: all the 🏆 for me then Janis: I'm not taking the piss Jimmy: bollocks Janis: out of the fact girls lose their shit over you 'cos you can make a coffee, maybe Jimmy: 😎🚬 is more of a skill, we both get it Janis: I don't know if I'd say it's more impressive but more interesting, sure Jimmy: but if you want another go at ☕🎨 I'll ❌ this bit out Janis: if they paid me, happy to Jimmy: barely pay me, mate Jimmy: that'll be why I spend loads of my shifts 🗨 to you Janis: just so 🥱 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: 🥅 nice save Jimmy: ain't a 👏👏🌹 chaser like you, girl Jimmy: I could hack being a goalie for a bit Jimmy: just that good with my hands any road Janis: 😂 Janis: you 🤞 to prove it and I'll come see you some more Janis: teach me what you like Jimmy: be thicker than I look to refuse an offer like that Janis: right answer Jimmy: I can really see you tomorrow, yeah? Jimmy: that's not just Janis: yeah Janis: can't stop me going out for fresh air, like Jimmy: 🤞? Janis: Promise Janis: I don't give a fuck Janis: I wanna see you Jimmy: that feels like the right answer to me Janis: I've got to see and pretend to listen to loads of people I don't wanna see Janis: only fair Jimmy: drive over if you want, there'll be somewhere else we can leave the 🚗 that'll still do his head in Janis: might take you up on that Jimmy: bring the dog like you said if you want an' all, that'll piss him off Janis: ha Janis: he'll proper think I've got no home to go to then Janis: 🥺🎻 Jimmy: DUH the obvs answer is you drive back home after, why didn't I think that though? Jimmy: don't need anywhere else to leave it Janis: it's okay Janis: you were so buzzing Janis: no 🩸 in your 🧠 Jimmy: just don't want you to leave Jimmy: near the same thing Janis: 😎 Jimmy: [sending her pics of this finished reindeer moment] Janis: that's not the abomination I reckoned it'd be Janis: he'll be well 😁 again Jimmy: how hard do you wanna backhand that compliment? Janis: who's good at making snowmen, never mind snowreindeer Janis: only that blindly 🙌👏🌹 of you for the fans Jimmy: me, dickhead Janis: not gonna say soz for my caution Jimmy: that snow angel ended up so much like you 💀👑 'll be doing shit to it as we 🗨 Janis: anything to cool her down Janis: 🥵 to 🥶 Jimmy: clinging to life to finally dead, it's alright, you can say it Janis: 💁 what happens happens, babe Janis: how are we to know/pray Jimmy: what I'm willing to make happen for you, I don't need jesus about for 👀🍿 unless he wants to help clean up or hide a bit of evidence, as a mate Janis: 1. that's actually hot so fuck you 2. you are practically saved now, you're welcome Jimmy: mixed messages there Jimmy: I get it, you need a minute with the visuals Janis: I said what I said Jimmy: 😏 Janis: go inside now? Janis: get warm Jimmy: 🛏 or 🚿? Janis: what was it you said about visuals Jimmy: take a minute with them Jimmy: to decide Janis: you're not gonna get enough anyway Janis: may as well 🚿 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: nothing else impacted my decision, at all Jimmy: dunno what would Janis: it's a mystery Jimmy: [do get in the shower with your waterproof phone of the future] Janis: [what a time to be alive] Jimmy: [honestly, what more could you need when you're young, in love and extra] Janis: I don't wanna go sleep Jimmy: why? Janis: 🎅🎁🎄 Janis: excitement is too real Jimmy: now the answer that ain't bollocks Janis: it's stupid Jimmy: I doubt that Janis: I just don't wanna stop chatting to you Jimmy: so stay with me Janis: okay Jimmy: it is Jimmy: you don't have to feel stupid Janis: 🤏 Jimmy: ❌ Janis: 🙊 Jimmy: that weren't an animal comparison I made Jimmy: bit dangerous Janis: go ahead and be racist if the mood takes Janis: I don't care and I TOTALLY WON'T use the receipts later when you piss me off Jimmy: not my dad, you're alright Janis: thank GOD you reminded me Jimmy: easy mistake, that Janis: hardly Janis: gonna ask your brother to do an impression of you next, nothing like it, guaranteed Jimmy: 😒 twinning's all it takes Jimmy: look enough like him, nowt I can do about it Janis: yeah Janis: I get it Jimmy: you don't look like Gracie Jimmy: she wishes Janis: plenty of other unfavourable options of people I do Jimmy: I ain't got that list Janis: my nan, mostly Janis: non shit Jimmy: fit nan and shit nan Jimmy: easy to remember Janis: shut up Jimmy: what? Janis: that's gross Jimmy: I'm not gonna ask her on a fake date Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: for my nan? Janis: yeah, not gonna pass it on over the turkey but tah Jimmy: she's fit 'cause she looks like you Jimmy: mysterious she can have Janis: 👌 quit whilst you're ahead Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: you're bad at cards, got it Jimmy: spread it about, we'll have some piss easy wins Janis: 😏 alright Janis: bit of an obvious trick but they are all exceptionally stupid so Jimmy: not the worst plan we've come up and had to pull off Janis: suppose not Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🔪🖐🩸 Jimmy: open a vein so I know it's real, babe Janis: go ahead and take your pick Jimmy: you're the 🧛 I don't play favourites Jimmy: they're all 🥇 Janis: arteries explode out and veins slowly bleed out, I think Janis: you've already made your intentions clear Jimmy: have I? Janis: slow and painful death Jimmy: for me, not you Janis: yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: considerate Jimmy: sound more shocked, dickhead Janis: maybe I told you what I wanted already Jimmy: and what, you're never gonna tell me again? Janis: depends Jimmy: on? Janis: if you wanna hear it Jimmy: why wouldn't I? Janis: you're saved Janis: don't wanna drag you down Jimmy: what if I want you to? Janis: careful what you wish for Jimmy: fuck that Jimmy: If I'm wishing for it that means I want it Jimmy: I don't have wishes to waste on bollocks Janis: three's standard Janis: but won't do the whole, fucking you over 'cos you weren't specific enough/need to learn a valuable lesson bullshit Jimmy: leaves me one Janis: go on then Jimmy: tell me then Janis: I want slow and painful too Janis: I want you to kill me and drag me down Jimmy: I promise Janis: Good Jimmy: starting tomorrow, Jules Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: but it's today Jimmy: well past midnight by now Janis: okay Cinderella Janis: you didn't turn back into a pumpkin Jimmy: or melt under the 🚿 Janis: thank goodness Janis: don't want to have to keep a constant 👀 on you Jimmy: UGH fine, I won't give you the log ins for the stalker account Janis: and definitely DON'T video call me next time you need a 🚿 Janis: would just hate that Jimmy: fuming does suit you Janis: you are very frustrating Jimmy: without trying an' all Jimmy: 💭 if I were Janis: I can't bear to think about that Janis: to be honest Janis: I'll just Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: you can just Janis: can I Jimmy: yeah Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: *today Janis: right Janis: not gonna tell you I'm counting the minutes or anything but the fans would 💖 Jimmy: if I could count Janis: 🖕✌🤟 baby Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I'll show you how to do it backwards and everything Janis: but I'll let you be working with less alcohol more sleep Janis: I'm nothing if not fair Jimmy: and just 🤏 rude Janis: you like it Jimmy: never said I didn't Janis: just saying you do Jimmy: til I do, you can Jimmy: I'll need better working conditions to 🖋 the FULL list Janis: you'll have to at least tell me your conditions if you want them to be met Jimmy: you'll know when you've met them Janis: 😒 Jimmy: that won't be my face, for a start Janis: 🤞😁🤞 Janis: I remember Jimmy: bit far down the other end of the scale but alright Janis: 😊? Jimmy: have to get the red cheeks in, I 👀 you Janis: there's got to be something in it for me, like Janis: not a 😇 Jimmy: and you reckon that'll be all there is in it for you? Janis: they're your conditions Jimmy: but what kind of fake boyfriend would I be? Jimmy: not 🥇 Janis: assumed your ideal wouldn't have much fan pandering in it Jimmy: LOVE the fans, me Janis: my mistake Jimmy: another easy one, obvs Janis: it's the 😒 Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for his share of that blame Janis: didn't say I didn't like it Jimmy: you never said you did either Janis: yeah I have Janis: loads of times Jimmy: so say it again Janis: well fit and mysterious Janis: duh Jimmy: 😊 Janis: mm Janis: that's weird Jimmy: can't win with you Janis: I just Janis: what's that line Janis: like you, just as your are? Janis: go with that Jimmy: festive Jimmy: I bet his jumper were itchy Janis: just jealous of the rudolph one Jimmy: nowt else to be after from that posh lad Janis: his hair is nice Jimmy: I dunno I were looking further down Janis: 😂 Janis: his beautiful eyes, sure Jimmy: if you need to go have a bit of alone time with them visuals, crack on Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: if that's the technique you wanna use, nowt to do with me but Janis: shut up Janis: you wanna give me tips now Jimmy: I'd have to show you if I'm 🤐 Janis: you're always bragging about being good with your hands Jimmy: that'll be 'cause I am Janis: sure Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: if you're gonna slag me off in sign, way ahead of you Jimmy: depends on how shit of a review you give me for what I am gonna do Janis: seems unlikely Janis: track record, and how nice I am Jimmy: not doubting myself, Judith Jimmy: way ahead of you on how unlikely it is Janis: not sorry for wanting proof Jimmy: you won't be sorry when you get it Janis: come on Janis: stop teasing me Jimmy: I'll have a job to touch you from here Janis: 😣 Jimmy: I know Janis: 😠 on the scale, actually Jimmy: 😡 'cause it's festive and you reckon the colour suits me Janis: yes x2 Janis: on brand Jimmy: 💡🥇 hang on Jimmy: [a saucy lil video of how good he is with his hands on himself because the best we can do rn as far as proof goes] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: you're just going to do that Janis: and act like you haven't killed me Jimmy: I said I would Janis: you weren't messing about Jimmy: slow and painful as I could manage Janis: I can see that Janis: Jesus, boy Jimmy: can't have you calling me a tease Janis: challenge accepted, yeah? Jimmy: always Janis: 🥇 is right Jimmy: for you, yeah Janis: it is for me Jimmy: Where are you on the scale now? Janis: If I could tell you how 🤯 I am, it wouldn't convey it Janis: speechless or 🥴 Jimmy: not gonna be a prick and call it a 🎄 miracle Janis: if I show you back you can call it that Janis: nice list still possible Jimmy: dunno if you can keep saving me and say you wanna drag me down but alright Janis: I want dragging you down to be fun, on both accounts Janis: what fun's a shit Christmas with no presents? Jimmy: you've given me loads of 🎁s Janis: if you don't wanna see me Jimmy: I'd never say that Janis: so say you wanna Jimmy: [voice memo just because] Janis: [some risque photos but not doing a video because we don't trust and the issues there sorry] Jimmy: [that's so real] Jimmy: speechless is right Janis: I just wanna show you I miss you too Jimmy: you did Jimmy: we're on the same page, no pisstake for once Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: okay, some idea Janis: it's not 🥇 though Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I give the 🏆s out Janis: yours was better though Janis: but I'm not mad to take 🥈if it means I get to feel that Jimmy: you weren't expecting it, nowt else Janis: weren't expecting you is a good way to put it Jimmy: I get that Janis: I dunno Janis: I'm drunk and horny, that's all Jimmy: is it? Janis: I don't know Jimmy: alright Janis: 'tis the season Jimmy: 🥛🍪 Janis: he's been and gone, babe Janis: I checked Jimmy: he's in your 💘 forever, girl Janis: 2000 miles, yeah Jimmy: don't be get getting 🎄🎵 in my head Janis: I need to get you out of mine Jimmy: rude Janis: not like that Janis: it's your fault Jimmy: there's loads of room in your head for me Janis: ha ha Jimmy: let me stay Janis: how could I refuse Jimmy: Bill'd have suggestions Janis: he's not speaking to me right now Jimmy: it'd only be some bollocks with a fan Jimmy: like we don't have other ways to send secret 💌 Jimmy: what did you do to piss him off? Janis: like if I smack you 'round the head with it I might be a bit pissed off? 👍 Janis: his mind, honestly Janis: not being very 💘 right now Janis: letting you leave so easily, not very starcrossed of me Jimmy: I've got no complaints, he can leave his out Jimmy: before you start, I know that don't sound like me Jimmy: but if he's gonna be mardy, might as well break character and really do his head in Janis: he's got NOTES about the lack of ⛓⛓ Janis: but when I told him he was trying to compete with Dickens he went full 😒😒 instead of you 😱 Janis: meant to say FUCK OUR FAMILIES and be all about each other only, not, fair play, reckon you should go back before the kids wake up 🙄🤷 Jimmy: he can't say we didn't take that stage direction Jimmy: fuck Ian is written in every margin Janis: exactly Janis: he wants me to kick the 🐶 in the face or what? Jimmy: I think that were me Janis: doing the kicking or getting kicked Jimmy: obvs kicking the 🐕 Jimmy: but a 🥊 would be festive if you've got your 💘 set on it Janis: he's probably into some light ⚽🏀 torture Janis: I 👀 it in your future, Romeo Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: how far in the future have you had a look? Janis: 🔮 NYE Jimmy: night of my 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I get it Janis: Obvs I cannot IMAGINE life after that Jimmy: duh Jimmy: what kind of life would it be Janis: NOT the one Bill wrote, that's for sure Jimmy: he ain't thinking about how fit you'd look in all that black Jimmy: I'll have a word Janis: I've not got an ugly cry face either Janis: just put that out there Jimmy: it's all coming up 🌹s Jimmy: he'll get his head round the rewrite and be chuffed to bits Janis: 👎 Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanted slow and painful Janis: not to fake 😭 forever Jimmy: set the date then, baby Janis: have to see where you are after your dad finds out Janis: doubt you'll be going anywhere before NYE Jimmy: he'll have his own murder to do Jimmy: can't have Sharon pining forever AND have all the 💔😭🎻 for himself Janis: ooh fun Janis: odds on he'll strangle her though, predictable Jimmy: Dunno if he's got the stamina for it Jimmy: might have to just smack her with something Jimmy: gutted he don't have any 🏆 Janis: 😬 #cantrelate 💘🙌💪 Jimmy: can't escape the comparisons, me Jimmy: ⛏ or 🔦 from his mining days'll do 🤞 Janis: get caught for keeping the murder weapon Janis: just can't let go Janis: I like it for him Jimmy: coal dust at the scene of the crime and her last meal were 🥧🥔🍺 Janis: 😂 Janis: was nice of him to make sure she was fed Janis: blame, where??? Janis: 🥇 bloke Jimmy: she'll have made it for him but if she don't crack on to them leftovers how'll she have enough stamina herself to do the washing up Jimmy: he's learnt from past mistakes there Janis: don't smack her 'til the chores are done? Janis: keep that in mind Janis: thought it was his motivational tactic Jimmy: and get the next one to clean up the 🩸🦷 so you can't hang about smacking that Sharon's arse an' all Janis: got a system Janis: almost have to respect it Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: best 🎄🎁 going Janis: I'll pop out a box tomorrow if he likes Jimmy: you got one massive enough? Janis: oi Janis: fat shame me on christmas Jimmy: 🗨 about nowt but your head Jimmy: but 💭 about it, doing your 🦒 neck in would be AGONY Janis: OFFER 👏 ME 👏 A 👏 MASSAGE 👏 OMG Janis: -100 #goals points Jimmy: give me chance, dickhead Jimmy: you ain't even out the box yet Janis: not in it Janis: let me eat my dinner and unwrap my presents first Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: don't be taking #goals points off me Janis: well you'll have to think of your own idea now Janis: can't copy me Jimmy: easy Janis: we'll see Jimmy: making it sound like I ain't had loads of 💡🥇 already is a bit of a pisstake but alright Janis: not that easy Janis: I've already been well too nice to you Jimmy: ❌ out the bit where you're chatting bollocks and we're left with the right amount of nice Janis: 🎅 is the ONLY man who makes those kind of calls Janis: how dare you Jimmy: ain't stopping him 📞 in Janis: alright if you reckon he'll side with you Jimmy: I'll talk him round if he's pissing about on yours Janis: Good luck he doesn't do sign Janis: and I don't think he could understand your accent either Jimmy: better at not talking, me Janis: hoe Jimmy: #seducesanta probably already trending Janis: unoriginal but popular Janis: basically this plan in a nutshell Jimmy: I'm nowt if not on brand Jimmy: and #suckingoffsantaclaus is a bit Jimmy: it's just not mysterious enough Janis: SO weird no 😎 Jimmy: what else is he 📞 at this time of the morning for? Jimmy: bloody tease Janis: he's just finished work and he wants to debrief Janis: it's like you don't even care Janis: one-track mind 🙄 Jimmy: UGH fine #spooningsanta Janis: 🥉 you tried Jimmy: he'll rate it Jimmy: you're too jealous to give me any credit is all Janis: oh please Jimmy: stop begging, I can't cuddle you from there Jimmy: you'll have to get a lift with 🎅 Janis: 😑 twat Jimmy: soz I'm not a 🦧 Janis: that's my type now? Jimmy: I dunno what other animals have long arms Jimmy: you tell me Jimmy: 🐍 spooning just sounds like I'm gonna suffocate you Janis: 🐙 Janis: and 😍😍🤤 Jimmy: SHIT that'd have been a top one Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: 🏆 Janis: what do I win? Jimmy: I'm too fuming to 💭 Janis: rude Jimmy: blame that 🐙 dickhead Jimmy: making me look even thicker than my face does Janis: soz you can't compete with me or tentacles Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: who's 🦑 an' all? Janis: 😬 Janis: at least it's not 🦐 boy Janis: remember him Jimmy: how could I forget? Jimmy: what a #lad Janis: yeah Janis: no arms at all there though Janis: ❌❌❌ Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you can have him Janis: he'll be so 😁 Jimmy: and what, you're saying grateful is my type? Janis: as that would be a fake self-drag Janis: I would NEVER Jimmy: 🦐'll have to live without me Jimmy: or 💀💀💀 if we're starting that trend Janis: he might be that gutted when you're gone Janis: if I have the misfortune of having to stick around here and be a 👻 Janis: I'll let you know, somehow Jimmy: 🤞 him and all the other dickheads who do your head in Jimmy: 'cause you won't be a 👻 unless you have unfinished bollocks Jimmy: and I reckon that's gotta be a bit more than 🐕🏃 so you'll be alright Janis: tah for your expert opinion Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: rot in peace, my dear 💕 Janis: with so little going on, how could I not Jimmy: it's a done deal Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥀 Janis: think one of the kids has woken up Janis: brb Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [obviously we're dipping] Jimmy: [you wanna post this then gal it's probably long af] Janis: [we can start actually xmas day in a different convo if you wanna yeah]

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carryonsimoncarryonbaz · 5 years

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Chapter 15 is up! The penultimate chapter of Can’t Find My Way Home. Thank you all for your support of this fic--the comments, the private messages, the kudos. I appreciate it so very much.

Just one more chapter after this. . .

Chapter 15

Baz

I don’t know how they expect us to actually open the office in London if all we do in these planning meetings is rehash everything we discussed at the last meeting. The agenda may as well be rubbish; it’s not as if we ever follow it.

I don’t say much. I can’t be bothered anymore. I’m tired of trying to keep people on track when most of them only want to hear the sound of their own voices.

Philippa gave me a blistering after the last meeting. She seemed to think I’d cut her off and stifled her opportunity to “voice her opinion.” Bollocks. She’d nattered on for almost ten minutes about the décor, which is literally the least important issue facing us at the moment.

I’m certainly not one to shun tastefully chosen interior design, but when we haven’t even finalized a transition team and we’re barely three months away from said transition, I find discussions on the merits of sage and taupe versus silver and charcoal grey quite maddening.

I find everything about this vexing. I’m part of these meetings, perforce, but no one has officially named me to the actual on-site transition team. The staff composition for the London office is still a mystery.

I don’t even think we’re going to make the May target date.

It’s even more unbearable being here in New York now. It was barely tolerable before the holiday but now, with Simon in London, it’s absolutely excruciating.

I really don’t know why I even bothered to come back. I should give my notice and go home. I’ve got contacts in the industry, references and credentials that are impeccable. I could find a job in London and Simon and I could take up where we left off. Which would make life infinitely better.

But I’m a Pitch and we don’t give up, even in the direst of circumstances.

I committed to this transition and I am a man of my word.

Fuck it all.

Simon

I do my best not to ask Baz about work anymore. I’m curious of course, because I’m me, but I try to restrain myself. Talking about work drags on him. He looks pale and wan when we Facetime as it is.

Last time we spoke he reluctantly admitted that the London transition was a bit of mess. Didn’t say much more than that, but his expression said it all. He’s worried they won’t make the May date.

Which means he won’t be coming to London then.

I don’t know what that means for him overall. I know he’s talked about leaving, finding another position here, with another firm.

I’d like that. But I don’t want him to do that for me. He’s got to do it for himself, not for us.

So I do my best to distract him when we talk. Tell stories about work, the boys in the home. How I totally bollocksed up the art class and spilled half the paint on my shirt. The day I managed to get free tickets to a football match for the older boys. The way the little ‘uns like to hear my stories of the scrapes I got into at Watford.

The grim details of how the older boys completely thrashed me when we played football on the green. I am shit at goal.

It makes Baz smile and that means the world to me.

Baz

It’s finally set. The transition team has been named and I’m on it. The London office tentative opening date has been pushed back to late June, but the team is scheduled to be there starting in May.

I’m in charge of operations. I finally have some fucking control of this disaster. I live for this kind of thing—bringing organization to chaos. It’s in my blood.

The whole thing is a fucking wreck and I’m sure to be driven mad before the end.

But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

Two months. I’ll be back in London in two months.

Simon

He’s still pale but Baz is far more animated when we Facetime now. He’s drilling the team in preparation for the move. He’s in his element when he’s in charge like this; his eye on all the moving parts, relieved to finally have some control.

Not that he’s clear of the dark days. Plenty of those still. His coworkers all sound like berks.

I’m just glad he’s going to be back here in May.

I miss him.

I know that might be a stupid thing to say, when we only had those few days together in December. I’ve got years of being with Baz, under less friendly circumstances mind you, but still. It was easy to let myself fall into the comfort of being in his company again.

Easier to admit some truths I’d been shoving away for far too long.

I can’t say there isn’t a tinge of apprehension. We’ve just gotten to know each other again, and I don’t know whether this blaze of affection that manifested months ago will continue to burn as bright when we’re together again or proximity and familiarity will quench the fire of it.

I’d like to think it won’t.

I’ve never fallen for someone in this way before, so completely and overwhelmingly. I mean I loved Agatha but I wasn’t in love with her. The idea of a happy ever after, even a bland and sedate one, was alluring for someone like me.

But settling is never in anyone’s best interest.

With Baz, even if it was only a matter of days, I felt like I’d found what I’d always been missing. The last piece of the puzzle. The place I fit.

Home. That’s what I mean. The idea that once you find home, that’s that. You keep that person, if they let you.

I think Baz will let me keep him.

Baz

I toss my keys on the table, toe off my shoes and collapse on the sofa.

I’m exhausted. Knackered. Utterly spent.

It’s been a fucking week. Friday couldn’t come soon enough. I glance at my watch. It’s almost eleven o’clock back home. Not too late to Facetime Simon.

I dial his number and wait. It takes a few rings for him to pick up but the wave of warmth that rushes through me at the sight of his face is frankly embarrassing.

Fuck, I miss him.

“Baz!” Simon’s face lights up as he stares into his screen. He’s holding it up close so I can see the pattern of moles and freckles on his face clearly.

“Hello, love.” I drink in the sight of him. His hair is drooping over his forehead, his cheeks are flushed, and he looks ridiculously pleased to see me.

The feeling is mutual.

He pulls back a bit and frowns at the screen. “You look tired. Another shit day?”

“They’re all shit days.”

It’s my turn to frown at my mobile. The background behind Simon looks awfully familiar, but it’s not the one I was expecting to see, not the one I’m used to viewing behind him when I call.

The reason manifests itself an instant later.

“Sod off, Baz. You’re fucking up our movie night.” Fiona’s face pops up, obscuring Simon completely.

“What the fuck is Simon doing at your flat?” No wonder it looked familiar. What the hell is going on?

Fiona raises an eyebrow and glares at me. “I just told you, you dolt. It’s movie night. Hurry the fuck up. We’re watching Lost Boys and Jason Patric just came on screen. I’m not about to forgive you for making me pause that.” She disappears but I can still hear her grumbling in the background.

“What the hell, Simon?”

“She rang me up a while back. We’ve met up at the pub a few times, for drinks and karaoke, but she wanted to do a movie night this time.”

“This time? How often do you and Fiona get together?” Why do I know nothing of this? What the actual fuck.

Her face pops back up, full-on glare this time. “Baz. Kiss the screen or do whatever the fuck you do when you Facetime Snow, but for the last time, wrap it the fuck up. We’ve got a movie to watch here.”

“Why is she glaring at me like that?” I ask Simon as he retakes his mobile from my wretched aunt.

He waggles his eyebrows at me and grins. “Oh, that’s just her fond glare.”

Fucking hell.

Simon

My mobile chimes from the table. I pull the roast all the way out of the oven and set it on the stovetop before I toss the potholders aside and focus on the screen.

Baz: May 17th.

Simon : what

Baz: We just finalized the dates. I fly home May 17th.

Simon: !!!!!

Simon: about bloody time they gave you an actual date

Simon: wankers

Baz: I convinced them to push back the opening to July 1st.

Baz: I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend your birthday stressed and working all hours.

Simon: you didn’t have to do that

Simon: but thank you

I glance at the calendar. Less than a month away.

Baz

My eyes sweep around the flat one last time, just to make sure I’ve got everything. I’ve already set my luggage by the door—the same two suitcases I arrived with almost a year ago. No more, no less.

The keys go in an envelope. I’ll drop it in the building manager’s mailbox on my way out.

There’s a ping from my mobile.

Ah. The Uber driver is waiting downstairs.

This is it. I’m finally done with this miserable chapter of my life. I’m not sure work is going to be any less miserable, just by virtue of it being in London, but I’ll be in London, which is really all that matters.

I’ll be near Simon again.

I can sort the rest of it later. The new office, the job, if I even want to stay employed at this firm.

I have time to figure that all out.

I look around once again. There’s no nostalgia. I’m well rid of this place. But I can be grateful for one thing: if I hadn’t been in New York I’d never have run into Simon. I’d never have found him again. It’s all been worth it, just for that chance encounter. Every sodding minute of it.

I can’t waste my time reminiscing. There’s a flight to catch. There damn well better not be any storms.

#carry on #simon snow #baz pitch #travel au #my fics #My writing #one more chapter to go

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shadowofmoths · 5 years

Text

honey don’t feed me (i will come back)

Vax'ildan is fucked. He didn't think before rushing in to confront the Briarwoods, and now he has to deal with the consequences. Percy...helps. (6.6k, Perc’ildan Vampire AU)

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Vax’ildan is fucked. He knows that—he’s man enough to admit when he’s made a mistake, and this—well. This is a big one. He had been reckless, and foolish, and everything that Vex would no doubt accuse him of being if he somehow managed to see her again. But he isn’t counting on that. Vax is going to die here. That, or something worse. Delilah Briarwood stands before him, eyes dark and flashing. Vax lets out an involuntary hiss of pain through his teeth as her husband’s incisors dig needle-sharp into his neck. Unwilling to lose face in what may very well be his final moments, Vax flashes a smirk, albeit a weak one, at his assailants. He can feel his blood beginning to drain from his body as Sylas feeds, feels his collarbone beginning to bruise and go numb where the vampire’s teeth cut into him.

“Man,” Vax laughs, slightly hysterically. “You guys are into some weird shit.”

Neither Briarwood reacts, save for Delilah’s dark gaze somehow growing darker. Vax closes his eyes. My sister is going to kill me, he thinks. He can no longer feel Sylas’s fangs bearing into him, numbness spreading through his right side. As his thoughts begin to grow hazy, he thinks of his family—of Vex, young, sitting with their mother; he sees her older and striding through the forest as though it knows her by name. He remembers Keyleth, beautiful, her red hair like a halo in the fading sunlight. He sees Pike, glowing and gleaming in battle, Grog bloody and boisterous at her side; Scanlan smiles, lively and taunting. He thinks of Percy. Remembers his laughter, his anger—his face streaked with grease and soot as he emerges from hours locked in his workshop. Remembers how his face turned hard-set and stony at the mention of the monsters that took his family.

“Sorry, Freddie.”

And the world goes dark around him.

What Vax doesn’t see is this: Vox Machina bursts into the Briarwoods’s chamber, sees him limp and bloody in Sylas’s grasp. His sister screams—not piercing, but powerful; a rage to rival Grog’s. She unleashes a volley of arrows into the vampire and his wife as Keyleth and Scanlan back her up with their own attacks. The Briarwoods sustain heavy damage before fleeing, Delilah ripping open a tear in reality and pulling Sylas through, leaving Vax’s body behind. Scanlan skids to a halt at Vax’s side, summoning what remains of his energy to sing a song of healing, shaky words replacing his trademark confidence. His healing does nothing. Vax does not stir. Scanlan pulls the collar of Vax’s tunic to the side, sees the bruise on his clavicle, mottled blue and purple—sees the puncture wounds. Vax’ildan isn’t bleeding.

“We need to get him to a temple,” Scanlan says, voice tight. Without another word, Keyleth shifts, skin rippling with white fur, and Minxie nudges Vax onto her back with her nose. With characteristic gentleness, she plods over to the door of the chamber where Vex stands. Vex does not appear to be moving, remaining frozen in the doorway. Her gaze is vacant, unfocused. But Keyleth notices her shaking, sees the white-knuckle grip she has on her bow, the tears threatening to spill from the corner of her eyes. Keyleth nudges Vex with her nose, makes a soft purring sound as she does. Almost absently, Vex’s right hand uncurls from a fist and comes to rest on Keyleth’s head. Scanlan comes up on Vex’s other side, pries the bow from her grasp, and takes her free hand in his.

“Come on,” he says. Vex doesn’t meet his eyes, even as he and Keyleth begin leading her out of the Briarwoods’s room. “We’ll swing by and grab Trinket, and I’ll message the others and tell them where to meet us, okay?” He gets no response. “Vex?” “Alright.” She doesn’t make eye contact, and her voice shakes. They keep moving. None of the healers at the temple of Sarenrae know how to help Vax. Father Tristan, at once gentle and severe, examines him, face grim. “If his attackers were what you think they were,” he sighs. “I’m not sure that there’s anything we can do.” He breaks eye contact to stare at the stone floor, mouth pressed into a thin line. “I couldn’t tell you for sure, but it’s possible, certainly that he may…wake up.” Vex—who had been absent through the cleric’s examination, pressing herself against Trinket as though she wanted to disappear into his fur—blinks back into the present. She fixes Tristan with her steely, calculating stare. “He could what?” “Well, knowing only the—the myths, the rumors about these creatures…it is not impossible that whatever they did to him could, ah, have some sort of necrotic element attached to it.” “He could be a vampire,” Vex spits, harsh and blunt. Tristan sighs again. “Yes.”

They take Vax home. Keyleth, shifted back into her half-eleven form, allows Grog to carry him. Vex continues to lean heavily against Trinket, Keyleth holding her hand and speaking to her softly. Scanlan, feeling unusually restless, splits off from the group to figure out how to get a message to Pike. Percy is silent. The walk home is grim, a pressing sadness hanging over the group. When they arrive back at Greyskull Keep, Grog and Vex lay Vax in his room, and Vex posts herself as guard outside. Percy retreats to his workshop, refusing to say a word or look anyone in the eye. Grog, Keyleth, and Scanlan find themselves downstairs, drinking in relative silence until Grog and Scanlan collapse asleep on the table. Keyleth gives a small smile and leaves them there, darting back to the kitchens to swipe a loaf of bread and some other simple foods. By the time she has prepared this simple meal, the sun has long since set, and the moon is high and bright in the dark sky. Keyleth brings the plate of food up for Vex’ahlia, finds her still sitting against Vax’s door. She wouldn’t have thought Vex had moved at all, save for the tear tracks on her face. In her pale and still-trembling hands she holds one of Vax’s daggers, flipping it absently over and over. “Hey, Vex,” Keyleth keeps her voice deliberately soft, standing several feet away. To her credit, Vex’ahlia only flinches slightly. She gives a brief, toneless murmur of acknowledgment as, anxious, Keyleth sinks down next to her. “I, uh, I brought you food,” she says, setting the plate down next to Vex. As soon as her hands are free, Keyleth begins to fidget anxiously, fingers twisting around each other and into her hair. Vex’ahlia seems to break from her own headspace for a moment as she notices Keyleth’s hands moving frantically as she tries to think of something to say. Wordlessly, she passes Keyleth the dagger. The druid stills immediately, running her fingers slowly over the cool metal. Vex’ahlia breathes out, shakily, as Keyleth sits next to her in silence. “You should—you should eat something,” she says after a beat, gesturing to the plate she brought up for Vex. “I’m not hungry.” “I know. B-but, Vex, you can’t help him if you’re not taking care of yourself, too.” Keyleth doesn’t make eye contact, her fidgeting becoming more agitated. Vex falls silent again, her face twisting into a grimace. The silence lays heavy over the hallway before Vex breaks it.

“Fuck you,” she sighs. There’s no real venom in her voice, despite her expression, just a deep sort of exhaustion in her tone. Keyleth stutters for a moment, tapping the dagger rhythmically against the armor on her chest. “I—sorry,” Keyleth trails off, voice lifting as though she’s asking a question. “No,” Vex’ahlia sighs, leaning heavy against the wall and slumping her shoulders. “No, you’re right, I just don’t like it,” “Yeah.” Keyleth sounds as tired as Vex feels. Relenting, the ranger tips her head, leaning on Keyleth’s shoulder. Without pause, Keyleth tucks the dagger into her belt and brings her hand up to card it through Vex’s hair, which already was coming loose from its braid. They lapse back into silence once again, but despite their exhaustion the lull feels comfortable, the two finding safety and sympathy with each other. “I’m so tired, Keyleth,” Vex says eventually, her eyes having slid shut as Keyleth combs ever so gently through her hair. “I, uh, I’m fine to take watch if you need to rest—“ “It’s not that kind of tired.” “I know.” Keyleth pauses, her hand hovering nervously above Vex’s hair. “The—the offer stands, though. I’ll be here.” Vex smiles into Keyleth’s shoulder, reaching up to grab one of her hands and threading their fingers together. “Thank you.” She gives Keyleth’s hand a brief squeeze, feeling a brief rush of affection go through her when the druid reciprocates. The two sit there, leaning against Vax’s door and each other, until Vex’ahlia falls asleep. Keyleth can feel it when Vex’s breathing evens out, and sits there for as long as she can before she gives up her own sleep as a lost cause. Very, very gently, she moves Vex’s head from her shoulder, laying her carefully on the floor. There is no movement from the half-elf, and Keyleth sighs in relief before going to fetch her a pillow and a blanket. She tucks the pillow under Vex’s head, and then tucks Vax’s dagger under the pillow before laying the blanket over her sleeping friend. With a soft smile, Keyleth leaves, slipping into her Minxie form as she heads to her own room. There, curling up on a cushion she keeps by her hearth for this very purpose, she finally sinks into sleep.

Vex’ahlia dreams. She is home, in Byroden, sitting on her mother’s lap. A fire crackles in the hearth, and her mother sings softly to her and Vax as she braids their hair in turn. Vex is warm and content, and she leans against her brother, taking his small hand in hers. Everything is soft and lovely, Vex feeling a safety deep within her that she hasn’t felt for ages. And then—her mother screams, horrified. The warmth drains from Vax’s touch as he goes deathly cold in her grasp—his face begins to crack and shatter like fragile porcelain. The fire in the hearth roars, licking up Vex’s back, as it becomes the maw of a great red dragon who grins razor-sharp and swallows her family whole. As fire takes the house, she hears her brother calling out for her. Vex wakes with a start, breath quick and heart racing. There is no fire, no dragon, and she relaxes for a moment before she notices one thing that did not stay confined to her dream—her brother is still calling out for her.

“Vex? Vex’ahlia?” A gentle tapping accompanies the voice from the other side of the heavy wooden door she is leaning against. Vex is awake in an instant, returning suddenly and painfully to reality.

“Vax?” Even to her own ears, her voice sounds desperate.

“Oh, thank the gods,” he breathes. Her brother. She can picture him so clearly, knows the way he would have slumped against the door in relief. Before Vex is even really aware of it, there are tears streaming down her face. Of their own accord, her hands go rifling through her pockets, producing the ring of keys she had locked Vax’s door with earlier that evening. Despite her violently shaking hands, she manages to unlock the door, and Vax has the sense to step back as she bursts in, heedless of consequences as she all but tackles him to the ground. Her arms flung around his neck, she sobs helplessly, face buried in his shoulder. Immediately, Vax’s own arms come up around her midsection, pulling her closer.

“Vax,” she chokes. “Vax’ildan, we thought you were dead, we thought—I thought—Vax,” She can feel Vax’s own tears, damp as they fall on her hair.

“Vex’ahlia,” he breathes. “I’m here, Vex. I’ve got you, I’m here—“

“I came in that room, Vax, and you were dead, no one could do anything, I—“ she cuts herself off, sniffling into Vax’s shoulder as he rubs soothing patterns on her back.

“Hey,” he says, voice gentle. “It’s going to take a lot more than some pasty bastard in an ugly cloak to keep me from coming back to you, alright? I’m here, Vex. I’m—I’m okay.”

“Okay. Okay.” Vex breathes out, slow and steadying, trying to wipe some of the tears from her face. She lets herself hold on to Vax for a long moment before she speaks again. “Are you really okay, though? How…how do you feel?” Vax grimaces.

“Cold, mostly.” He laughs, quiet and humorless. Impulsive, Vex reaches up and cups his cheek in her hand, pushing back his upper lip with her thumb. Vax sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth, hissing softly as Vex brushes up against a fang.

“I’d really rather you didn’t, Stubby.” This earns him a searching, scrutinizing gaze from his sister, as she looks for some sort of answer in his dark eyes.

“Alright,” she says finally, soft as she shifts her hand to run it through Vax’s hair instead. “Will you let me fix your hair, at least? It’s a mess.” Without pause, Vax turns around, pulling his hair out of the loose, half-up ponytail it had been in and passing the tie to his sister. He settles comfortably against her knees as Vex, unwilling to stand up to find a comb, resorts to pulling her fingers through his hair until it’s more manageable before twisting it into a loose, simple braid.

“I thought braiding hair was my thing,” Vax jokes, and Vex laughs.

“Hush, you, I’m trying to be nice.”

“And you’re doing a wonderful job of it, sister.” Sensing his sarcastic tone, Vex sighs, allowing them to lapse back into silence until Vax breaks it again.

“How is everyone doing?”

“I don’t honestly know. Keyleth seems okay, she brought me food and stayed with me while I was keeping watch outside. It helped, she helped keep me from falling apart—” At that, Vax makes a soft, wounded noise, but allows Vex to continue. “—but she still seemed more restless than usual. Other than that…I don’t honestly know. I haven’t been focused, really. I sort of…went away, for a while. Just while I was sitting out there, it felt like I just…left. Like all of this was happening to someone else instead of me.” She finishes the braid and ties it off, just as Vax turns around and pulls her in close again, arms around her neck. He is far too cold, but Vex does her best to ignore it, allowing herself to be held.

“I’m so, so sorry, Vex’ahlia,” he murmurs, and Vex knows too well the pain in his voice—its the same pain she has been holding onto all these hours. “I was reckless, and foolhardy, and all of it, and I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” Vex pulls back, taking his face in her hands and looking straight into his eyes, open and earnest.

“You are a stupid, impulsive, foolish man, Vax, and you did a ridiculously thoughtless thing today.” There is a pause, and Vax nods, brow furrowing. “And I love you very, very much. And I forgive you. But if you ever try something like that again, I’ll kill you. Because you’re—you’re all I have. I couldn’t ever be without you. Alright?” Tears are shining in her brothers eyes when she finishes.

“Yes—yes to all of it. I was stupid, and I love you, and I promise I’ll be more careful. I promise I won’t leave you. Never again, Vex’ahlia, I swear it.” He covers her hands with his and leans forward, tilting their foreheads together. Vex gives a laugh, verging on hysterical.

“We’re going to be okay,” she tells him. When he grins back at her, tears still in his eyes, she can’t help but notice his fangs.

“It’s you and me, Stubby. Always.” There is a brief moment of quiet as they breathe in unison, leaning against each other as the stress of the day sinks into them.

“I’m scared of this,” Vax whispers. “Whatever this is. Whatever…whatever I am.”

“It’s you and me, brother,” Vex echoes. “We’ll figure it out.” Vax smiles, and though Vex still sees his tension there is relief there, too. As they realize they have nothing left to say, and as the night grows closer to morning, they get ready to sleep. Though the twins have grown used to sleeping separately as of late, they know without. having. to speak that Vex is staying. The two pull all the pillows and blankets off of Vax’s bed, arranging them on top of the rug that he has in front of his fireplace. With a fire crackling in the hearth, the twins fall asleep together in a way they haven’t in years, in the way they used to sleep at home in Byroden—curled into mirroring half-moons, facing each other. Vax clutches his sister’s hand, holding it to his chest. He doesn’t sleep, even as Vex drifts off, filled with some unidentifiable restlessness. He watches her, tries to match her slow breathing, but its a fruitless endeavor. For the few remaining hours before sunrise he simply lays still, trying and failing to will himself to sleep until the sun begins to beam over the horizon.

When Vex wakes up, Vax is not beside her. Immediately, she is hit with the dread that the night prior was a dream, that he truly is dead, and she sits up with a racing heart which only quiets when she hears a voice from behind her.

“Morning, Stubby.” Vex nearly wants to cry from relief.

“Morning, brother. You’re up early.” She swivels, stretching her sore back, and looks to Vax where he’s perched on his bed. He winces.

“Didn’t sleep,” he admits.

“Because you’re worried, or because of…?”

“Either. Both, I don’t know, Vex’ahlia—” He tugs at the end of his loose braid nervously. “I have no fucking idea whats happening to me, I don’t know what to expect, I’m counting the hours until I turn into some bloodthirsty fucking beast—”

“Vax, breathe.” He does, shaky. “ I promised that we’d figure it out, and I meant it. But right now you’re exhausted. And don’t give me that look, you dick, you’re my brother, I can tell. So you just…stay here, and sleep, or at least try to rest or…or something, and I’ll go talk to the others, and we’ll figure this out, alright?” When Vax sighs, she can see the tension in his frame. “Alright?” she repeats.

“Alright! Alright, asshole, have it your way.” He flashes her a brief, playful smile at her as she heads for the door.

“Get some rest, Vax.”

“You’re younger than me, Vex’ahlia!”

With a light laugh, Vex descends the stairs, tugging at her earring to rouse the rest of Vox Machina for a team meeting. She finds herself in the dining room, where Scanlan and Grog are passed out face-down on the table, and sighs, sitting across from them. They wake up soon enough, hangover but aware. Keyleth, having received Vex’s message, comes stumbling into the dining room soon after, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Her hair is sticking up wildly, and Vex almost smiles—she is adorable. But rather than acknowledge that, she shakes her head and gets down to business.

“Vax’ildan is awake,” she says, abruptly and without preamble. An immediate silence hits the room. Keyleth’s eyes go as wide as saucers, while Grog’s brow furrows in evident confusion.

“He is alive. Or, he’s, well, he’s…something. He is awake, anyway, and he’s sane, and if any of you so much as thinks as laying a hand on him just because of what happened I will have an arrow through your heart before you can even say ‘Jenga.’ Are we clear?” The three in front of her nod, clearly intimidated. “Lovely,” Vex says. Her smile is tense. “Any questions?”

Keyleth nods, raising a meek hand. “C-can I see him?”

“He’s resting, right now,” Vex tells her, voice finally gentle. “But yes, just…give him a couple hours, maybe?”

Keyleth nods again. She gives Vex a small smile. “I’m glad he’s—better.”

This time, when Vex smiles, it’s genuine.

When Keyleth knocks on Vax’s door, the sun is just beginning to set. Golden light spills into the rooms, peeking through Vax’s curtains. Keyleth notices, in spite of herself, how Vax sticks to the shadows of the chamber.

“Vax? Are you awake?” She knows that he is, can see the dark glint of his eyes, but she asks anyways.

“Keyleth?”

She smiles, soft. “Yes. May I come in?”

“Of course,” Vax says. Keyleth can’t see him, as dark as the room is, but she can imagine him smiling crookedly at her nonetheless. She enters the room and pushes the door shut behind her, sitting at the edge of the bed. Vax, for his part, has pushed himself into the darkest corner of the room, hugging his knees to his chest. He is nearly hidden, darkness shrouding him, his dark hair and black cloak helping camouflage him. There is a brief, terrible silence before Keyleth speaks. “How are you feeling?” She winces immediately. “That’s—that was a stupid question.”

Vax barks a laugh. “It wasn’t. It’s not. I’m, well, I’m tired, and I’m a lot colder than I’m used to. But I’m fine, Kiki, really.”

Keyleth squints at him, distrusting. “You’re not.”

“Do we have to talk about this?” He asks, a sort of misery in his voice. “Are you going to walk away from me, Vax?”

Vax sighs, dropping his head onto his knees. “No,” he tells her. “But really, I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Then what can I do, Vax?” Keyleth asks. Despite her words, she is sincere, voice gentle rather than exasperated.

“Will you—“ Vax cuts himself off. “Could you come here, maybe?”

Keyleth does, and as she slides down the wall to sit next to Vax, he practically throws himself into her arms. He tucks his head under her chin, his arms going around his waist. Keyleth lets out a little, shocked, oh! of surprise, but lets it happen. After a moment, she begins to comb her fingers through Vax’s hair, while her other hand rubs soothing circles on his back. It takes her a long moment to realize he’s crying.

“Oh, Vax,” she sighs.

“Keyleth,” he murmurs, voice thick. “Keyleth, I’m fucking terrified.” Silence falls as Keyleth waits for him to continue. “You know what…you know what those bastards have done. Those monsters. They destroyed Percy’s family, and who knows how many others—how long until I do the same? I can’t hurt you, Keyleth, I can’t hurt any of you, I—“

“Vax.” Keyleth’s voice is quiet, but clear. “You are a good man, Vax’ildan. T-the fact that you don’t want to hurt anyone—that’s what counts. The Briarwoods are evil, horrible people. But you…you would go to the ends of the world for the people you care about. That’s the difference, Vax. You could never be like them.”

Vax’s voice is weak; it cracks when he replies. “How can you know that?”

Keyleth’s bright eyes meet his, intense in a way she rarely is. “Because I know you, Vax’ildan.”

He looks away. “You can pretend all you want, but I do. We’re…we’re friends, Vax. I care about you. And I know you would never hurt any of us.”

Vax ducks his head, breathing shakily. “I don’t want to, Keyleth, I really don’t but after everything—Keyleth, you know what they did. You know what I could do. How can you trust me?”

“Don’t be an idiot, Vax.”

He laughs humorlessly. “That’s never been my strong suit.”

“You know what I can do,” she says. “You’ve seen my magic, you’ve seen me fight. You know that I can be dangerous. So why do you trust me?”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” Vax scoffs. “You would never use your abilities to hurt any of us—oh.” The realization hits him, and Keyleth smiles.

“Yeah.” She smiles. “See?”

“Yeah,” he sighs. The tension begins to leave him, slowly, and he leans against Keyleth. “Yeah. Thank you, Keyleth.”

Giving a soft hum, she tilts her head against his. “Of course, Vax.”

As soon as their team meeting had ended, Vex stormed down to Percy’s workshop. As far as anyone knew, he hadn’t left it since their return after the incident with the Briarwoods. No one had seen him, and Vex was sure he wasn’t eating or sleeping. She understood, to an extent. But she was tired, and if she couldn’t isolate herself, neither could he. So down to the workshop she went. Percy seemed not even to notice as she entered, until she slammed the door behind her.

“Percival.”

He flinches, startled. Even still, he doesn’t meet her eyes. He doesn’t respond.

“You can’t keep avoiding this.”

At that, he huffed a harsh laugh, continuing to work on some project that had left his face streaked with black powder.

“Well, I can certainly try,” he tells her.

“Bullshit, Percy. Do you think that we’re just going to let you stay here, isolated, working yourself to death?”

“Well, it’s worked so far.” His voice is tight, brittle.

“My brother died, and you’re going to blame me for—for taking a day to come down here, to try and get you out of this self-punishing spiral that you’re in? For all the good that that’s done, when you won’t even look at me, gods—”

“Vex, no, I didn’t mean—”

“Well, it’s what you said, Percival.”

Percy sighs, defeated.

“I…I’m sorry, Vex.” He drags his hands over his face, streaking it with even more soot. “Gods. I’m sorry.”

“Percy, you need to talk to us. Don’t leave us like this, please.” “Why?” Percy sounds exhausted, his voice weak.

“You’re our family. We love you. Ignoring us, it’s—it’s just going to hurt all of us.”

“I don’t know what else to do.”

“Just talk to me. Talk to him, when you’re ready. Please.”

“I can’t talk to him, Vex. It’s my fault, what happened, I can’t—“ He shakes his head violently, pressing his fingers to his temple.

“Percy.” Something about Vex’s voice finally convinces Percy to make eye-contact. She looks wrecked, exhausted, but manages to maintain her quiet, intense composure anyway. “He blames himself too.”

Percy looks away.

“I’ll talk to him.”

It is well past sunset by the time Percy leaves his workshop, and the stars are beginning to peek out from the darkness. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone. Had he not promised Vex, he wouldn’t be. Despite taking the time to calm down in his workshop, he feels stretched-thin, on edge. Volatile. His knock on Vax’s door is hesitant—he wonders if Vax even hears it. Part of him hopes that he doesn’t.

“Come in,” Vax says. Percy has to resist the urge to bang his head against the door before he pushes it open.

The light in Vax’s room is dim and grey, making Vax look even paler than normal. The curtains have been thrown open, and the weak moonlight makes the shadows on his face stand out even more. Even in this lighting, Percy can see how exhausted Vax looks.

“Percy?” Vax blinks a few times, as if to clear his head.

Percy clears his throat, awkwardly. “H-hello.”

“What are you….” Vax trails off, unsure. Percy fidgets.

“I thought we should talk.”

Vax drags his hands down his face. His answering smile is wry and edges on sadness. “Alright.”

The door closes behind Percy as he steps into the room, gesturing at the foot of Vax’s bed. “Can I…?”

“Oh, yeah. Yes, go ahead.” Percy sits. His fingers twist anxiously, though he tries to hide his fidgeting as best he can. There is a long, tense silence, before Vax sighs.

“Why are you here, Percival?”

Percy ducks his head, as though trying to hide himself within the tall collar of his coat.

“Your sister—“

“Ah.” Vax smiles that humorless smile that Percy has so often seen from him. “Say no more, my friend. We can just not talk, and tell her that we did. Problem solved. Terribly sorry to be an inconvenience to you—”

“Vax’ildan.” The worried set of Percy’s shoulders shifts; he looks directly at Vax and Vax cannot find it in him to look away. Percy’s eyes are grey-blue and unyielding.

“Percival,” he teases, but Vax’s humor is not able to ease Percy’s gaze.

“I came in here,” Percy says, maintaining the now too-long eye contact. “Because your sister let me know that I was isolating myself. Some of the things that I said, well—evidently she thought it would do us both good to talk things out. So I am here because I trust your sister’s judgement.” He pauses, and his voice is low when he speaks again. “And…because I was worried about you.”

Vax makes a low sound at that, a hum trapped in the back of his throat. “I’m fine, Percival, I swear. No need to worry.”

“Somehow, Vax, I sincerely doubt that.”

“Why does everyone keep asking me about how I’m doing? How the fuck do you think I’m doing? Gods damn it, what do you want me to say, Percy? That I can’t sleep, day or night? That I’m completely fucking terrified that I’m going to lose control and hurt one of you? That I—” Vax’ildan cuts himself off abruptly, pressing his lips into a thin line.

“That you what?” It isn’t a good idea to push him, Percy thinks, but he does it anyway.

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“Vax.” Impulsive, Percy moves closer to him on the bed, and raises a hand to rest against Vax’s cheek. Vax’s eyes widen; he sucks in a sharp breath. “Tell me.” Vax’s eyes flutter shut, and Percy can feel the half-elf’s breath quicken as Percy brushes his thumb over his cheekbone.

“I’m…Percy…” He trails off, bringing his hand up to wrap around Percy’s wrist. Percy’s hand does not leave Vax’s face; when Vax’s eyes open, Percy’s bright eyes are still locked with his own. Vax’s breath hitches, stutters as Percy’s thumb brushes the corner of his mouth. “Percy, I could hurt you.”

“You couldn’t.” Percy can feel Vax’s shaky exhale against his wrist. “Vax, tell me what’s wrong, please.”

“Aside from the fact that I’m a vampire?” His voice hitches on the last word, as, in vain, Vax tries to dispel the strange energy of the room. Once again, humor is his last defense against emotional vulnerability. Abruptly, Percy pulls his hand away from Vax’s face, leaning back out of his space with an almost imperceptible sigh. Vax has to bite back a whine at the loss of contact.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Vax. I—I don’t know that this is getting us anywhere,” he shifts as if to leave, and Vax is reaching out for him before he can stop himself.

“Freddie, wait.” The nickname leaves him without thinking. When Percy looks back to him, there are tears shining in Vax’s eyes. “I’m just…I’m scared. I don’t trust myself around you.” His voice is soft, like he can barely bring himself to say it. Percy sits back down, hovering just on the edge of Vax’s space. Even though Percy doesn’t touch him, Vax’s anxiety quiets, somewhat.

“Why not, Vax?”

Vax shuts his eyes tightly. “My instincts have changed, Percy. I…the things I want…the way I want…”

“What do you want, Vax’ildan?” Percy’s voice has dropped, and Vax leans closer to catch his words.

“I’m hungry, Percy.” With the emphasis that he puts on the words, Percy immediately knows what he means. Even so, he leans further into Vax’s space. Their knees are touching. Percy is so near Vax that his nose almost brushes his cheek.

“Will you let me help you?” Percy asks, breaking the brief silence that seemed to stretch on for ages.

“You—you can’t mean that,” Vax chokes. Before he has finished speaking, Percy’s hand has found its way back to his cheek, fingers brushing across his cheekbone. Overwhelmed, Vax’s eyes fall shut, and Percy hums interestedly.

“I think you’ll find that I can,” he says, his smile audible in his voice. His fingers are so gentle on Vax’s face.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Percy.” Vax’s protests sound weak, even to his own ears. They are undermined by the very audible hitch in his breath as Percy’s thumb presses against his bottom lip.

“So you keep saying. Have you considered that I’m asking you to, Vax?” The warmth of Percy’s hand seems to have ignited Vax’s entire body.

“I am trying so hard,” he murmurs. “To have some amount of self-control here.”

“And I am trying so hard, my dear, to tell you that that isn’t necessary.”

Vax forces his eyes open, fixes Percy in his gaze. There is tension in the set of the half-elf’s face, but his eyes flash hungry and wanting. “I need you to promise me that you aren’t doing this just because you feel bad. Or out of some fucked-up sense of obligation, or self-punishment. I need to know why, Percy.” The human nods back.

“That’s perfectly reasonable.” Some of the tension leaves Vax. “I am not doing this just because I feel bad. What happened to you was…regrettable. But it is something I know you can manage. And, while some of me does feel responsible for what happened to you—getting you involved in my family’s issues—that’s not why I’m doing this either.”

“Then why?”

When Percy laughs, he knocks their foreheads together. Vax register’s vaguely that his hand has, at some point, found its way to rest just above Percy’s knee. “Has it not occurred to you that I might want you, you absurd man?”

Vax starts. Eyes wide, he looks at Percy, finding his gaze, soft and sincere.

“Oh,” he breathes.

“Indeed.”

Vax sighs, finally beginning to relax in full. He tips his head against Percy’s and shuts his eyes again.

“Will you kiss me, please, Percival?”

“Well, since you asked so nicely.”

The kiss is slow, Percy is achingly gentle. Vax’s head is swimming at the soft, slick slide of their mouths, unable to stop himself from arching into it. Percy makes a low sound and his hand slides to the back of Vax’s neck. It is overwhelming how warm Percy is; the contrast with Vax’s bloodless lips almost unbearable. Vax presses closer, wanting all of Percy’s warmth for himself. One of his hands moves to rest on Percy’s chest, and he can feel his heartbeat--Vax was unprepared for the way that would make him feel. He keens into the kiss, a sound that Percy eagerly swallows with his own mouth. As Vax’s mouth falls open, Percy’s tongue presses cautious against the tip of a fang. As pressed close as they are, Vax can feel the full-body shudder that runs through Percy at that. He smiles, a wicked edge to it, and bites down on Percy’s lip. Percy’s resulting gasp is beautiful. Blood flows from the cut instantly, and though it isn’t much, Vax swipes his tongue over the wound, sucking Percy’s lower lip into his mouth for good measure. The little taste of Percy’s blood has made Vax dizzy, and he is panting hard as he pulls away. Percy, for his part, looks wrecked already. His bottom lip is swollen, puncture marks just barely visible, and he is flushed pink. Vax cannot stop himself from pressing a kiss to his jaw.

“Alright, Percy?” he asks. His voice is light, but the question is serious.

“Oh, yes, quite.”

“Can I…?” Vax hesitates. Percy moves to kiss him once more, a hand tugging just slightly on Vax’s long hair.

“I would truly appreciate if you did.” The hand in Vax’s hair scratches lightly at his scalp, and he makes a small, content sound.

“Tell me,” he says, momentarily serious, “If you need me to stop. Or pull my hair, or…something.”

Percy nods. “I will.”

At last, Vax ducks his head, pressing his lips to the pale skin of Percy’s neck. He is so warm—Vax can feel his heart beating at his pulse point and it makes him shudder. He kisses down the column of Percy’s neck, the sharp points of his teeth dragging against the skin but never breaking it. Vax becomes lost in the cacophony of sensations—the pulse of Percy’s blood, just under his skin, the hitches in his breath, the hand twisting in his hair. The more coherent part of his brain thinks, vaguely, that he could stay like this forever. That is, until a soft moan tears itself from Percy’s lips.

“Vax, please,” he sighs. And who is Vax to deny such a request? His mouth finds purchase in the space between Percy’s neck and his collarbone, and he lays an open-mouthed kiss there. Anticipation rising in Vax’s stomach, he presses one last brief kiss to Percy’s skin. And then he bites.

Vax had thought that simply kissing Percy was overwhelming. This was indescribably more intense. The taste of Percy’s blood is perfect, sweet and cloying; richer than any wine Vax has ever tasted. Percy has thrown his head back, soft sounds escaping him as Vax drinks. He kisses the wound, tongue soothing, and moans.

“Gods, Percy.” He swipes his tongue over the bite once more, notices the bleeding beginning to slow. He pulls back, making eye contact with Percy as he licks the blood from his lips. Percy’s resulting whimper brings a dangerous grin to Vax’s mouth. When Vax kisses Percy’s jaw, he leaves a blood-sticky mark there. He drags his fangs up Percy’s jaw to his ear just to hear him gasp, teasing until Percy grabs him by the neck and pulls him in to kiss him again. Percy’s other hand pushes gently on his chest, bearing him back into the headboard. He licks into Vax’s mouth, and Vax wonders if Percy can taste his own blood on Vax’s tongue. After what may as well have been an eternity, they break apart, keeping their foreheads pressed together. Vax’s hand rests against Percy’s cheek, and both are panting. Vax, for one, is glad they did this sitting—he doubts he would have been steady enough to stand. He feels sated and heavy after feeding, and Percy doesn’t look too steady himself. Vax breathes out slow, a smile on his face.

“Percival Frederickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III,” he says, and Percy laughs breathlessly. “What did I ever do to deserve someone like you?”

“Oh, quite a lot, darling.” Percy’s answer leaves a fluttery feeling in Vax’s chest, and he can’t help giving him another chaste kiss. Vax feels floaty, and warm—something about feeding, and about Percy, has left him feeling safe and nearly boneless with contentment.

“I love you,” Vax whispers. He doesn’t mean to say it, and nearly starts when he realizes that it slipped out. But he doesn’t try to take it back. He just looks back up at Percy, and smiles, and says it again. “I love you.” Percy kisses him again, sweet and gentle as he pulls Vax’s bottom lip into his mouth.

“I’m afraid I’ve been very obvious,” Percy tells him. “But I am rather in love with you, Vax.”

“Will you stay the night?”

“There is nowhere else I would rather be.”

And for the first time in nearly two days, Vax sleeps.

#perc'ildan #vax'ildan #percy de rolo #critical role #lgbt crdnd week #lgbt crdnd #jason writes #there is: no vampire sex in this #there is: kissing and 100% consensual blood-drinking #those two things happen at the same time #vax dies but he gets better #you know the drill #sO much hurt/comfort #so much people having to get vax to feel his feelings and not be an avoidant bastard #hes so hard to write bc its like ''ok lets talk about feelings'' and vax is just like ''i will do everything in my power to avoid #emotional vulnerability''#ANYWAYS TAKE THIS #its the longest thing ive ever written holy heck

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junkyardlynx · 5 years

Text

Pt. 11

Nothing worked. The world happens, the world changes, the world, it is written here, in the next line, is only its own membrane—

Enlightenment. Vijay Seshadri.

---

Thomas scratched his cheek meekly, regarding the problem of the stranger he’d brought home as he stood in the kitchen, waiting for some water to boil. He had no parents to speak of and the uncle that was supposed to be his “guardian” simply left him money for food each month. There wouldn’t be any teen movie hijinks of hiding someone in his room only for his kind-but-suspicious mother to “accidentally” make too much dinner or anything like that.

Rummaging around in the cupboards for a couple of tea bags, Thomas sighed. Why was he doing this? Obviously Jeal was being attacked and Sarisa defended him. The lady with the sword and mask was some kind of crazy ninja assassin. A crazy ninja assassin sitting on his couch. Was it because Jeal was rich? Like, he didn’t seem rich, but his crazy-weird dad owned a couple local businesses and they had that huge house. By all means, Thomas should be taking the side of his close friends.

But, ah. It was obvious.

Sarisa had used some kind of...magic.

Not some Harry Potter wand waving stuff with dementors and the like. Like. Final Fantasy magic. With the elements and the -ga suffixes and the mana cost and the really overpowered party member who learned all the good spells and had the best materia.

Thomas was unable to be considered a thoughtful boy and that was because he simply couldn’t let the sheer wonder at such an event go. He had to know, and if he knew his friends (which it felt like he didn’t, really) he knew they wouldn’t tell him. They always “protected” him. They’d lie and call him crazy and make him doubt his own eyes until he buried the subject himself. They’d done it before. For his sake, they said.

Truthfully?

He felt a little betrayed.

Jeal moved with supernatural grace and speed, stepping between every slash that girl had levied at him like it was boring. Every time Thomas replayed that scene in his head, it was more and more apparent that Jeal was simply playing with her. His friend’s red eyes, which seemed like a curious touch of albinism, now seemed preternatural and overly cruel. He was more a sculpture of ice than a person.

Shaking his head and sighing again, Thomas poured the boiling water over two bags of blueberry chamomile in two matching mugs, both reading “World’s Coolest Kid.” He thought it was funny. Steeping them for a practiced three-and-a-half minutes, he then discarded the bags in the trash and brought the tea out to the living room.

He sat one down in front of his guest, who regarded him with one cursory glance before picking it up. She seemed to use it as more of a hand-warmer than anything else as it was still far too hot to drink comfortably.

“How’s the jaw?”

She winced at his words, rubbing it with her right hand. Luckily (or perhaps unluckily) it had merely been dislocated and Thomas had been able to snap it back into place for her.

“Fine. And your hand?”

He gave it an exaggerated shake. She’d bitten into it when he was performing what one might call “amateur non-invasive surgery.”

“Probably broken, I’ll chop it off later.”

She didn’t really smile, but her eyes seemed to lighten up.

“So uh, what’s your name?”

“Fujiwara. Yours?”

“Damn, you really get to the point. Not one wasted word. Uh, I’m Thomas. Nice to fix your face and also meet you.”

“Pleasured.”

He noted that for whatever else, she didn’t seem to actively dislike him. The thought was strangely comforting. Fujiwara was probably her family name or whatever.

“So uh, Fujiwara. Can you tell me why you were trying to fillet that weirdo alive?”

“You know who he is.”

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. Of course she knows I know him if she’s hunting him, Thomas thought. It’d be stranger if she didn’t.

“I agreed to this because you do not know what he is. I would ask that you dispense with falsehoods.”

“Uh, fair enough. So why were you trying to kill Jeal?”

“He’s a demon.”

In spite of himself, Thomas laughed. He laughed so hard that tea splashed out of his mug, landing with a wet little splat on the coffee table. He apologized quickly.

“Sorry. Uh. I’ve known him since we were like, four feet tall. Jeal’s not a demon.”

“You think demons cannot simply be born like any other creature? What do you know of demons? What do you know of Sarisa? What do you know of Jeal? Of magic? What do you know of any of this?”

Her words were cold, but not cruel. Fujiwara seemed to be genuinely inquiring as to what Thomas knew.

“I mean, I’m sure you know I’m gonna say magic isn’t real outside of games and books. Jeal and Sarisa are weird, but they’re not like, demons. Where’s the horns and flames and stuff? Or where’s the like, overwhelming sex appeal? Neither of ‘em have it for me, man.”

“I only said Jeal was a demon, but your outlook is fair. They’ve lied to you and done the utmost to keep you from finding out the truth. I suppose it is a sort of mercy. After all, magic has a tendency to destroy the lives of whatever it touches.”

It sounded to Thomas like she was speaking from experience. He went to apologize again before swallowing his words with a swig of tea from his mug. Empty platitudes never served anyone well.

“Jeal Culaine is a demon, born to a family of mages from his father’s side while his mother is a youkai - a yuki-onna, to be precise. In the past, we pursued his mother as a matter of honor, but now our sole concern is Jeal’s existence. He should not be.”

“Well, right away I can tell you that you’ve got the wrong guy. Jeal’s last name isn’t Culaine, it’s Innhamlet.”

She looked terribly sad for a moment.

“Have you ever heard of the scion of a wealthy family attending a public school under an alternative name? This is a...similar case.”

Thomas set the mug down before he could drop it, masking his frustration and surprise remarkably well. He scratched behind his ear - all of his scratches were something of a nervous habit - and then spoke.

“So you’re telling me his last name is Culaine and he’s half-Japanese? Jesus, how many lies can one dude tell? That’s one hell of a backstory. What’s next, you’re gonna tell me that he’s like, some sleeping demon lord and he’s gonna nuke the entire earth? That’s a little too Marty Stu for me, Fuji.”

“You may not enjoy how close to the mark you are. I spoke of Jeal being a demon; this is both figurative and literal. In the figurative sense, he is simply too powerful to be left alone. His heritage gives him strange powers and draws strange things to him. His natural talent is also...quite terrifying.”

“So he’s really strong? But Jeal’s really kind. I don’t see how that’s a problem. He usually just does his own thing, and the only time I’ve ever seen him act out was to help, like...people like me. Mostly me, actually. Pretty much just me.”

“We have observed as much. Were this and this alone, we would simply be content to leave him be. The heart of the matter comes from the literal sense of the word demon.”

“I know enough about folklore to know that youkai are kinda demons or whatever, is that what you mean? Like, he’s a halfsies on his mom’s side, he should be pretty normal. A little cold, haha, but y’know. Normal.”

“Your poor humor aside, that is both what I mean and not entirely what I mean. As he is the offspring of a youkai, his mana - think of it as life essence - is heavily intoxicating to the inhuman. This, coupled with the sorcerer’s blood from his father, has attracted the attention of what you might equate to, ah, the devil.”

“Oh, okay. I see. So you’re fucking with me.”

“I am not. Do you know how many bled against Emirus to find information on this vessel?”

“Jeal’s dad? He’s way nice, too. I find this all really hard to actually beli-”

Fujiwara had begun to levitate off of the couch, still sipping her tea. Thomas realized that an innumerable amount of eyes stared back at him, peering from every exposed piece of Fujiwara’s skin. She levied her multitudinous stare at him.

“Okay. I get your point. Magic’s probably real. I still don’t really believe any of this, but go on.”

His words seemed more like a prayer to himself rather than a real denial. All the pieces were coming together, all the strange things he chose (or was told) to ignore. All the doubts he had, all the vague feelings. Every inconsistency lining up with a lie revealed by this stranger from a strange land.

“His name is Soritoroth. All of the classic Abrahamic demons draw their origins back to him, along with a few others that are somewhat more difficult to categorize. A detailed history would be a waste of time, but suffice it to say he is a calamitous event unto himself.”

“And what, he wants to wear Jeal like some kind of humansona?”

“Why do you insist on using words that both vex and amuse me? But yes. Jeal’s body and power are acting as a beacon for Soritoroth, though he can make use of any vessel that has bathed in the proper pow...ah, this is....”

Thomas found her two dark eyes on him, regarding him with a stark and clinical look. The rest had vanished. He wasn’t sure if they were an illusion or simply a part of her. He wasn’t very interested in finding out for sure.

“Uh?”

“It’s nothing. I was going to tell you that you seem to be a viable candidate due to your prolonged exposure to Jeal, but I’m sure your own latent magical prowess is far too lacking. As we thought, there appears to be the one vessel. That makes my mission all the more pressing.”

Fujiwara stood up, checking her body with a few pats. She pulled the mask out of her robe, channeling a bit of her strange power into it. It seemed to ripple, restoring the lost material, once again reflecting the face of a terrifying oni. She gave Thomas a short bow.

“The tea was...delicious. Thank you. I appreciate your help. If I may offer a word of warning?”

“Uh, shoot.”

“Do not act differently around those two. They are uncannily attentive. Though I know quite little about Sarisa, her own lineage is storied and the both of them are, frankly, absurd; both seek out trouble and revel in it.”

“And you’re gonna try and murder him again, knowing that?”

“I suppose. It is all I can do.”

“How about...”

His voice trailed off. This was betrayal most supreme. He’d have to change his name to Thomas Judas after this. But he felt that this was the only way to really save his friends.

“How about you let me help?”

“Excuse me?”

“I love those guys. There’s got to be another way. Just let me be your inside man and I’ll do what I can, you know? There’s always another way that doesn’t involve Jeal mopping the floor with you again.”

“You are...not entirely incorrect.”

“So it’s a deal?”

Fujiwara considered Thomas for a long moment, arms crossed over her chest. Eyes simultaneously like honeyed amber and black mud regarded him, dissected him a thousand ways, looked into what he was. At least, that’s how it felt to Thomas. He felt very small under her stare.

“If you continue to serve tea of this quality and allow me to reside here as I plan, then I suppose it is.”

Thomas thrust his hand out and Fujiwara took it, thin and pale lips finally curling into a real smile. She was terse at first, but she had gradually opened up over the course of their questionable conversation. It felt like all disjointed pieces were coming together now. He could begin to see the big picture - where his friends would go when they gave vague excuses, what they were doing, who they really were. In the end, it didn’t matter to him. They were the people he loved, and he was going to protect them this time. He’d help them like they always helped him. He’d save Jeal from both this assassin and whatever was coming for him. Things felt good. Things finally made sense.

Of course, their hard times had just begun.

#writing #my writing #the deeper wound #magic #modern fantasy

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covexalexanderkingsley · 5 years

Text

The Big Question™

Quick disclaimer: Covex’s dialogue will be written as I always write it, bolded and italicized. Thalia’s dialogue will be bolded but not italicized. Not that there should be any confusion with how the story flows, I just wanted to put that out there.

One more thing: I apologize for the lack of IC posts. School and band have been kicking my ass and I haven’t had much time to put IC stuff up. After this, I’ll be sifting through my DMs to put some stuff up on @lady-warnaen-blackthorn‘s blog if you’d like to check that out when it’s up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, it’s quite the story point for Covex.

I’ll get it out of the way here; mentions are: @thalia-lostwind. Let’s begin.

Covex actually woke up rather early the next morning, a lot earlier than she normally does, that's for certain. She decided that, for the first time in Gods know how many years, she'd try to cook Thalia something. When Thalia awoke, she'd smell.. a lovely mix of scents. At least 37% burning food, 33% decently cooked pancakes, and 24% decently cooked bacon, and 6% burnt bacon. Turns out she's not that bad at cooking bacon, who'd have thought?

From downstairs, Covex yelled, “Thalia! Get up, love.”

No response.

Covex rolled her eyes.

Once again, “Thalia! Get ya’ lazy arse up before I ‘ave to come drag you out!”

This got a response at least. Thalia, of course, did not want to wake up. Out if the blue, Daylen had offered to keep the kids overnight so the living could rest. “But Veeeex,” she groaned. Then she smelled food, and she was up.

“I know, I know, you don’t wanna get up. Still, I made you breakfast, so get up, you loser. C’mon, I can’t eat it all by myself, and you’re always hungry.”

“I mean... I am hungry a lo’,” Thalia grumbled as she swung her legs over the bed. “I’m comiiiin’!”

“Well, if you don’t hurry up, I’ll end up tossing it out. If I had to guess, you don’t want that.”

“Noooo! No tossin’ it out!”

“Then hurry up!”

“I’m comin’, damn.” This asshole strode down with her hair everywhere and her eyepatch in her hand instead of on her face.

Covex looked at her, smiled, and giggled. “Well. Good morning, sunshine, how’d ya’ sleep. By the looks of things.. same as always?”

“Yeh,” Thalia snickered and moved to hug Covex. “Did you cook all this?”

“Indeed I did! Just for you, all of it.”

“All of it? Damn. Aren’t you hungry a’ all?”

“Eh, not really. Have at it, much as you want.”

“Did you eat yet?”

"Not yet, but I will. Don't worry."

“Come eat with me.”

"Thalia, I'll be fine, I'm not hungry."

“Come here an’ fuckin’ eat with me.”

"You're not letting this go, are you?"

“Nah.”

"Fine, give me a little, but not a lot."

“Eating is important, yknow.~”

"I know, and I'm not hungry. Just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean I’m an idiot, love.”

“I know, but... still!”

“Just eat it, dummy. I’m not hungry, I’ll eat later, so don’t bother saving me any.”

“Then come eat with me, jus’ do it.”

Covex sighed and walked over to sit at the table, “If it gets you to eat, then fine. Just know I burnt a lot of food trying to make this, so you’d better appreciate it.”

“I love it and you.”

“H-Hey! Since when was that part of the arrangement?”

“How do you no’- Coveeeex.”

“What?”

“I love you, you actual dope.”

“Hey! That’s rude, I’m not a dope!

“But Covex.” Thalia looked up at her with actual puppy-dog eyes

“What? What do you want from me? What have I done to deserve this torture!?”

“I want hugs.” Thalia nodded and giggled to herself as she picked something up to stuff into her mouth.

Covex sighed and growled, pulling Thalia into a tight hug. “There, you got your hug, are you happy?”

Thalia nodded as she gave the Covex™ big hugs. “Very.”

“Good.” It was at that moment Covex looked up at the clock on the wall, “Oh, shit! I just noticed the time, I have to go! Meet me at the lake in.. half an hour?”

“The lake? Ah.. sure.”

“If you’d rather go somewhere else, we can, I just thought a peaceful date by the lake would be nice, yknow?”

“I’m just- Fuck, I need a shower.”

“I’d love to take one with you, but I really have to go. Take as long as you need on your shower, don’t feel rushed over me.”

“I don’t wanna smell on my day off, especially if it’s with you.” Thalia propped herself up in her chair, pushing against the table’s main beam with one foot. “You mean the world to me.”

Covex smiled at this, “And you me. I don’t mind if you smell a bit, you know that.”

Thalia shrugged. "Bu' it's still nice to be decent for the one I love, righ'?"

“That’s fair. Okay, I really have to go, see you in a bit?”

With a single nod, Thalia reached over to pull Covex into a tight hug, “I’ll see you in a bit.”

Covex smiled and nodded, “I love you, and I intend to prove that today.”

"Okay, tha's no' ominous," she chuckled. "Jus' stay out of trouble while you're out, okay? I promise I'll be as fast as I can."

"I'll stay out of as much trouble as I can." Covex gave Thalia a quick kiss then nearly sprinted out the door and into the city. Time went on and when Thalia got to the lake, she'd see Covex in a decorated spot laid out and Covex out of her armour and in the pretty white dress and flower crown she often wears.

Thalia took all the time she could in the shower without running late. She scrubbed her hair, and made sure to clean her bad eye to the best of her abilities. It had felt sore lately, and Thalia, being the worrier she is, of course assumed she was getting some sort of shitty infection. The agent would then dress her best, in a vest and some nice clothes before sneeaaaking out and slipping some gloves on, locking the door behind her. She made her way to the lake and smiled. "Ah- You look lovely, Vex."

“Ah.. thanks. I.. thought I’d do my best to be comfortable but still dress to impress. How’d I do-- on the impressing part?”

“You’re stunning.” Thalia moves closer, plopping her ass beside her gorgeous girlfriend.

"Heh.. Thank you, love. I.. know it's a bit basic and cliché, but I got us some sandwiches."

“Sandwiches are lovely. Thank you, dear.”

“But of course! I had to make it decent for you. I’d feel bad if I didn’t.”

“You did great. I’m a lucky girl.”

“I’m luckier.”

“I don’t believe tha’ for a second.”

“You don’t have to, you just have to know that I am.” Covex smiled and leaned in to steal a kiss from Thalia. “I love you.”

Thalia blushed and embraced Covex tight. “I love you too.”

“Hey, Thalia..?”

“Yeah, Vexxy?”

"I'm not even gonna try to stall this any further, I have a secondary purpose for bringing you out here, aside from just wanting to spend time with you."

“Alrigh’?” Thalia arched one eyebrow. “As long as this isn’t an assassination attempt, I think this will be splendid.”

Covex giggled and smiled nervously, "No, I'm not going to attempt to kill you.” “ Yknow when I was.. kinda in a rush earlier this morning?" “ Sayin' I had to go pick something up?"

“Yeh, I recall. Why?” Thalia rang stupid, but she didn’t want to jump to conclusions either.

"Well, I did go to pick something up.." Covex visibly started to shake a little as she pulls out a small box, taking a deep breath in and out then handing the box to Thalia.

Thalia took it carefully and held it to her heart. “I’ve never seen you so nervous, Vex. You alrigh’?”

Covex gulped and nodded, “Y-yeah! I'm.. fine.”

“L-look in the box.”

With a slow nod, Thalia pulled the box away from her chest to open it, arching one eyebrow.

Inside the box was a ring with a small diamond on it, Covex looked up at Thalia very nervously, “Thalia Lostwind, I love you very much.. We've been together for nearly a year and I don't regret any of it, so.. I was wondering... W-will you make me even happier and.. m-marry me..?”

Thalia blinked her good eye, opening her mouth, but she appeared at a loss for words. Finally that one blue eye softened as she nodded. “It would be my honor, Covex Alexander Kingsley.”

"R-really!?"

"H-Holy shit.. I.. I didn't-" Covex pulls Thalia into a tight hug, "By the gods, I love you so much."

Thalia couldn’t help but let out a joyful laugh as she squeezed Covex tightly. “I love you so much more. Tha’s fact.”

"You're wrong, but still."

“Am I though?”

"Yes."

“I don’t think so.”

"Well I do."

"You're the greatest thing ever, I swear."

"I'm just a regular person, Covex."

"You're the best thing to ever walk into my life is what you are."

"Well, damn." Thalia chuckled. "I'm flattered."

"Not sure why, I'm nothing special."

"You're everythin' to me. You, Daylen, an' the twins."

"Hey.. I told you I'd be giving you my last name in time."

formatting this was an absolute nightmare please end me

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tardy-bee · 6 years

Text

Intimidating - Five

A/N: The enochian is waaaay off on some parts, but I used an online translator and got the closest I could...lol

Summary: Crowley reveals the reason for his ambush and what is at stake, meanwhile Castiel and the brothers are trying to get you back.

Warnings: Panic attack (kind of), violence, language.

Pairing: CastielxReader

Part 4 Part 6 Masterlist

You were not scared. Nope. Definitely not. You had been in way worse situations than being held prisoner for the King of Hell, in a warded room where nobody could find you, you were sure you had. You weren’t scared, because if you were, you couldn’t keep a leveled head, and that was exactly what you needed right now if you were going to find a way to escape.

You scoped out the room that, in your opinion, was a bit too nice to be considered a typical ‘prison cell’. The walls were lined with fancy wallpaper that probably cost more than your whole wardrobe. There was a lit fireplace to your left and a two fancy velvet chairs perched towards it, the closest one with it’s back to you.

As you went to sit up, you found something was binding you by the wrists. Turning, you noticed a pair of handcuffs connected around a radiator heater...God, how old was this place.

You peered around, noting you were in a living room of sorts. There was a long plush couch facing towards a roaring fireplace, although your view was stopped by the big chair in front of you.

You furrowed your brows in confusion, wondering what you were doing here, when it all came back. The party. The Monsters. Crowley. Sam and Dean....Castiel.

Your right hand, which had been severely twisted and possibly broken by Crowley, was now wrapped delicately in a bandage, ice laying atop of it.

Well, at least it won’t swell as much.

You jiggled the handcuffs once more, peering down and noticing how tight they were and wincing at the rawness of your wrist, not to mention the now dominant throbbing in your most-likely-broken right wrist.

“No use in trying to escape darling,” A sultry voice sounded, presumably from the chair blocking your vision from the fireplace, “Might as well get comfortable.” He spoke once more,

“It’s kind of hard when I’m chained to a radiator,” You huffed. Maybe it was the realization of how cliche this was, or maybe it was your mental exhaustion from these late events, but you decided sarcasm seemed like the far better response than the logical route,

Crowley scoffed at that, standing and turning to you, scotch in his hand,

“Do you really think your snark is a good idea?” Crowley asked, raising his eyebrows at you and gesturing around the room, “Given your situation, I’m not quite sure you can afford it.” he mused.

You rolled your eyes at that, resting your head against the radiator,

“Nicest prison I’ve ever been held in,” You grumbled, more to yourself than the demon studying you as your eyes continued to scope out the lush room, your tone being more of a coping mechanism than anything.

“I’m sorry that it’s come to this love,” Crowley sighed unsympathetically, his own eyes in-taking the luxury he was surely used to as the King of Hell, “You know, I never wanted you to get in the middle of this.” he sipped his drink once more.

You glared at him then, vexed by this whole situation,

“Middle of what?” you growled, knowing he would never answer you.

Not to your surprise, Crowley didn’t answer, and you rolled your eyes, deciding to focus on the carpet once more, ignoring the nagging feeling of dread, and instead search for some kind of escape.

Your eyes had landed on the poker by the fireplace. You knew it wasn’t much, but it was a weapon. You couldn’t get to it now, not with Crowley in here, and not with the handcuffs. Dammit that was another problem. There was one no door, only an entryway that led to who knows where...probably just a hallway, but you knew it was your only shot.

“If you’re looking for escape points,” Crowley spoke, his voice tearing you from your thoughts, “I’d stop now. You’re not going anywhere love.” he smirked as you straightened your shoulders.

“What if I’m hungry?” you asked, a knowingly useless attempt to get the demon to leave the room. Crowley rolled his eyes at that, seeming to have a mental debate with himself before speaking,

“I suppose we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” he sighed, seeming to not care much about your human bodily functions as he pulled out a stop-watch from inside his suit-pocket.

“What if I have to use the bathroom?” You pressed, at this point your only intent being to annoy him enough to leave the room.

He didn’t answer you, instead tucking away his pocket watch and turning from you, making you furrow your brows. This was the first time you’d noticed he seemed to be a bit nervous, as if he were on edge.

His eyes were scoping out the room, as if he were expecting some kind of imminent danger, and his fancy shoes were tapping against the carpeted floor in an erratic rhythm.

“Crowley...” You finally spoke uneasily, your nerves spiking as you soaked in the realness of the situation...why did he have you here? It wasn’t like him to just kidnap people for company...he needed something...or...Your head snapped up as realization dawned upon you.

“Who is it?” You spoke, making the King’s head snap towards you, “Who’s threatening you?” You elaborated as Crowley’s mouth fell open, resembling a fish out of water. You would’ve snorted if it wasn’t for the seriousness in this dire situation.

Reassembling himself, he cleared his throat, “I’m afraid I don’t understand love--”

--”Oh cut the shit,” You interrupted with annoyance, “I’m going to find out anyway so you might as well tell me now.” you huffed as Crowley visibly swallowed his nerves.

“Her name is Reawth,” He began, grasping onto the glass to prevent you from noticing his shaking hands, “Thought she was a legend, but apparently not. She’s building up a nice little army--”

--”But you’re the King of Hell,” You interrupted with confusion, “Couldn’t you just...stop her?” Crowley looked visibly annoyed by your ignorance,

“Don’t you think I would’ve by now?” He scoffed, “You haven’t been down there. I haven’t been in charge for a while.” He explained, “Reawth is kind of the monster mommy and daddy demons warn you about when they tuck you in, she’s...beyond terrifying.” He visibly shivered, attempting to hide it with a clearing of his throat as he went on, “She wants exactly what any cliched villain wants, to rule the world, and she knows that every apocalypse has been stopped by none other than our mutual friends Moose and Squirrel so, she’s not taking any chances.” He sighed, “She’s made the mistake of underestimating before and...well...I’m sure you can piece the rest together,” He gestured, “So I killed a few here and there, got myself hosting a ‘monster party’ of sorts, knowing that not just any occasion would warrant the brothers’ appearance, I didn’t expect you, or their tag-a-long angel, but...” He trailed off, shrugging, “She told - no, ordered me to bring them to her, or she’d, quote ‘rip my insides out through my teeth and make me taste them for the rest of eternity’...” He swallowed again, his nerves getting the better of him as he pulled out his stopwatch once more.

You refused to allow yourself the luxury of being afraid, instead opting to close your eyes tightly for a second, soaking in the information as you snorted,

“Well that’s a foolproof plan your majesty,” You chuckled, the amounts of emotions seeming to overwhelm your senses as a frightful tear trickled down your cheek before you looked up, “But in case you haven’t noticed,” You gasped sarcastically, “I’m not Sam and Dean,” You smirked, praying to anyone that was listening that the brother’s wouldn’t follow you here.

He mimicked your smirk, much to your surprise, “I’m sure the boys are tracking your phone as we speak,” He said, pulling out said object and displaying it to you,making your eyes soften in concern, “Angel warding symbols are up, and they should be here any time now...hopefully not too late.” He said, mumbling the last part to himself as you tensed up, your eyes wandering to that fire-place poker once again and groaning at the hopelessness of the situation.

You threw your head against the wall and winced at the pain of one of many pins used to keep your hair up digging into your scalp, the sound going unnoticed by the distracted and visibly anxious Crowley.

pins!

You almost smiled at the revelation, thanking the typically overrated beauty standards for deciding that updo’s were ‘in’, and providing you a key of sorts for your predicament.

This was it, your plan was in motion.

Meanwhile...

Castiel had wasted no time searching the whole town for you, knowing his wings would have grown tired if Angel’s didn’t harbor copious amounts of stamina.

The Angel growled in frustration after searching the last building - a gas station on the edge of town - and threw his hands into his raven hair as he squinted his eyes shut in a useless attempt to calm himself.

He could physically feel his grace buzzing against the inside of his vessel, struggling to stay contained, he was losing control, and he needed to relax, although he wasn’t sure how. You were fine, he had to believe that. He felt nauseous at the thought of you in imminent danger. When he’d been banished by that damn sigil, he had fought with every ounce of his being, struggling against the current until the pain was almost unbearable. It wasn’t enough to stop the banishing Sigil’s effects completely, but enough for him to speed up the process, despite it being all in vain.

He growled, his hands falling from his hair as he attempted to calm his breathing, a memory of you in his mind as his fists clenched and unclenched at his sides

Castiel was filled with rage and sadness, his nostrils flaring and his breath ragged, it was rare moments like these where he could feel himself losing control, and he understood why so many beings feared him. He didn’t understand why he was feeling this way, what had triggered his anger? It had just been a hunt the boys had called for help on.

Perhaps it was how close he’d come to seeing them ripped from him forever, so close to death, or maybe it was the uselessness he felt when that witch had thrown that spell on him, softening his abilities to help them, it didn’t last long, but it was long enough for the brothers to get themselves into a predicament.. Was he only there because his powers were useful?

If you hadn’t shown up there to save them at the last minute, bursting through the door like a knight...he didn’t want to think about what could-- no, would have happened. Despite having healed the brothers, and them assuring him that he was a big help, he was not convinced, opting to a simple nod before he left the motel room, and now he was standing in the alley of the motel, his emotions and anxiety’s overwhelming his senses.

The pressure was immense and he wanted to burst, to scream, to break...and he very well might have...but then a hand was on his shoulder.

He whipped his head around in alarm, coming face to face with your kind (E/C) eyes, full of understanding. His shoulders tensed in surprise. before relaxing upon realizing you were no imminent threat, although still feeling that undeniable pressure in his vessel.

Upon noticing his state, you didn’t ask if he was okay, and for that he was thankful, he didn’t know how he would respond, or if he could, his mind was racing with a million outcomes to a million scenarios, all dreadful.

“Breathe,”

You had said it so softly, like it was the easiest thing in the world, like you believed he could. He knew Angel’s didn’t need to breathe, and that the activity was pointless, but he still found himself trying to follow your instruction, only to discover the difficulty in the task.

Upon noticing his struggle, you breathed in slowly yourself, egging him on. He followed your motions, breathing in as well before you released your breathe, and he did as well, although his own was much less smooth and much shakier than yours.

You breathed in again, and he followed, his breath a bit more even than the first as the two of your eyes bore into one another. He found himself calming through your stare, much to his astonishment, and as much as he would deny it to himself, your presence did help him feel better.

The two of you stayed like that, breathing in tandem until Castiel felt stable enough to clear his throat and stand up straight, his eyes looking anywhere but yours,

“You good?” You asked softly, your voice full of sincerity, not pity or amusement, just compassion.

He didn’t answer, instead brushing past you as if you weren’t there, knowing it was rude but forcing himself not to care. He was filled with confusion and embarrassment, and flew himself away to someplace extremely populated so he didn’t have to deal with his conflicting thoughts about you.

Looking back on it now caused guilt to pool in his chest. It was so rare of you to be in his presence, let alone talk to him, and he had simply brushed you off, without a thank you or even a nod in acknowledgement, and now he kicked himself for it...he may never get to apologize to you.

The thought caused that familiar pressure to pulse once more, stronger than before and striking fear in the Angel.

Recalling your instructions, he breathed in slowly, attempting to keep his oxygen in his lungs before releasing slowly, his breath coming out shaky. He did it again, and again, growing more and more agitated with each attempt.

He shouldn’t be wasting his time doing this! He shouldn’t be worrying about himself when you could be dead!

Crash! Boom!

Uh-oh...opening his eyes in shock, he took in the disarray of the gas-station. Everything was knocked over, the glass from the refrigerators were shattered, the shelves were on the ground, every window was in pieces...well, that works too. Even the security cameras were toast...at least there’d be no evidence.

He left the Gas-Station without another thought, headed for the bunker, and paying no mind to the bewildered worker behind the cash-register desk who would most definitely be suffering from some form of trauma in his future.

Appearing at the bunker, and apparently scaring Dean ‘half-to-death’ Castiel voiced his thoughts, paying no mind to Dean’s incorrect statement about his livelihood.

“We need to find y/n,” he spoke, his voice calmer than he felt inside, thanking his Angel training for having taught him how to hide his emotions.

Dean scoffed at that, holding his hands up,

“No shit Sherlock,” He bellowed, “We’re trying to track her cell phone, although I doubt Crowley hasn’t destroyed it by now.” he pinched the bridge of his nose as his brother was typing away on his computer, attempting to break the encrypted code in your phone, “And where the Hell have you been?” He stood from his chair, a glare in his brow, “We had to take care of those people and bodies on our own, and you-” He poked Castiel’s chest with his finger, “Decided to stretch your wings!” he yelled as Castiel straightened up.

Dean had a few inches on the Angel, but it didn’t make Castiel any less intimidating,

“I’ve been searching all around this damn city for y/n,” Castiel growled, not caring to notice Dean’s flinch at his surprising use of the language. His voice was subtly grew louder and louder as his frustration increased, “Gnai ip iadanamad bajile adagita peranuta, Dean. Ti zomdv apeta pii do ” he growled through gritted teeth, his emotions only seeming worthy enough for his native tongue, the pressure in his vessel threatening to burst as a couple lightbulbs popped behind him.

Dean’s eyes widened in surprise, his brother’s expression matching his own.

“Maybe we should all calm down,” The youngest of the three spoke, his eyes nervous, “We’re all working to find Y/N.. She’ll be fine, but we need to focus.” he reassured, his reasoning more directed at Castiel in an attempt to calm the obviously distressed Angel.

Dean swallowed, stepping back to join his brother at the table, “Yeah, okay,” He brushed off, attempting to keep his voice level as to not show his unease with Castiel’s behavior as he cautiously sat back in his seat and turned towards his laptop, the two hunters setting to work on finding you once and forming a plan once again.

Once the room became silent, filled only with the breaths and typing of the hunters, Castiel sighed softening his gaze. Reluctantly, he took a seat at the war room table, clasping his hands in front of himself in an attempt to ease their shaking. He didn’t understand how you could make him feel this way. Just having you there was enough to ease the constantly over-bearing weight on his shoulders...but you weren’t here.

He thought back to earlier that night, he had been so close to you throughout the evening, it was as if he were drawn to you, and it did things to him. It was confusing, and conflicting and he didn’t like it...or did he?

“Oh my God,” Sam spoke, interrupting the Angel’s train of thought, just loud enough for them to hear.

“What?” Dean asked, coming to stand by Sam’s computer in alert, his eyes widening at the revelation.

Castiel had jumped up as well, wasting no time in coming around the table and instead opting to appear behind them to look at the small blinking red dot on the laptop.

You.

“We found her…” Sam sighed, shocked, letting out a small chuckle.

“Then let’s go,” Castiel urged, standing straight to teleport the boys with him, but fully prepared to go alone if need be.

“What?” Dean scoffed, turning back to the Seraph, “Are you for real right now?” He asked before looking at his brother, “Is he for real right now?”

“I am ‘for real’ right now, Dean,” Castiel grumbled, his brows furrowed in confusion and annoyance at the vexing hunter before him.

“Cas,” Sam sighed, turning towards him, “We can’t just barge in there without a plan, we don’t know why he brought her there, It could be a trap to lure us in. Crowley said he wasn’t expecting y/n to be at the party, he must just want us.”

Castiel almost growled in frustration before harshly closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He blamed himself for this situation you were in, if he’d been paying more attention he surely would’ve been able to stop the whole ordeal from happening, but you were just so distracting.

“Yeah,” Dean interrupted, “Either Crowley’s really stupid, or planning something, I’m betting on the latter,”

Castiel knew they were right, so clearing his throat, he stood up straight,

“Alright,” He agreed, “What’s the plan?”

Much to your relief, Crowley had reluctantly agreed to getting you something to eat, at least he wasn’t completely evil. I mean, it did take your stomach growling on for a good 8 and a half minutes before he sighed in annoyance and left the room to grab you a plate of...what you hoped would be edible food. Thank God for the one time your human bodily functions came in handy.

Grumble

...despite their annoyance.

As soon as he’d left, you craned your neck as much as you could in your position to insure he was indeed out of sight. Once you decided the coast was clear, you -with much difficulty- managed to pull a pin from your hair, a strand of h/c falling with it to frame your face, not that you cared about how your hair looked in this moment, and tucked it behind your back, not wanting to be caught if the demon returned before you were ready.

Speak of the...Crowley...He decided to make an appearance right as you began bending the bobby-pin into the shape you desired for easier picking. Before you could start the conversation with a snarky sentence such as ‘what took you so long?’ a full ziplock bag hit you square in the fourhead. You clenched your eyes shut in surprise, your mouth gaping open in shock upon re-opening them to look into the self-satisfied smirk of the -former- King of Hell.

“PB and J,” He answered, still dawning that malicious smirk as you raised your eyebrows in bafflement. “‘Ts all I can make, so…” He trailed off, motioning to the ziploc bag full of your dinner now on your lap, “Enjoy,” He offered, pulling out his stopwatch once more.

“Did you just…” You scoffed, regaining your footing, “Did you just throw a sandwich at me?” you glared, disbelief in your voice as he put his stopwatch away, looking like he was far off and had to focus on your question much harder than needed,

“Hm?” He asked, “Oh that? Well...yes,” He offered, going to pick up his scotch once more, seeming disinterested in you and instead getting lost in his own fearful mind.

You knew you had to be quick, you had to get out of here before Sam or Dean could get here, knowing of the undeniable danger they’d be put in. Sure those boys were tough, and had a knack for surviving impossible situations, but you weren’t sure they could survive this. You also knew that with Sam and Dean, usually came Castiel...and you were hoping he was safe.

You knew you didn’t want to think about him right now, the Angel would surely take control of all your thoughts and leave you unable to concentrate, but you couldn’t help it, he was lodged in your brain. Throughout the night he’d been so close, closer than he’d ever been, and you’d cursed yourself for being distracted by him once again. Those deep ocean eyes were like a beacon, and you were a moth to the flame, you couldn’t help yourself. He’d always been so cold towards you, and you him, but maybe things would change...you know, when you weren’t being held captive by a demon.

The night had been pretty pleasurable, and you’d found yourself enjoying his company, despite your nerves. You should’ve known it wouldn’t have been that simple. You thought back to the party and the monsters...all those monsters. Sure, you all had a leg up on them, but that didn’t mean that a small distraction couldn’t send the whole thing tumbling down, like, oh who knows, a member of their team being kidnapped by the Demon King of Hell? If anything happened to them you weren’t sure you could--

The very quiet ‘click’’ of your handcuffs unlocking shook you from your dreaded thoughts, and caused you to take a deep breath in anticipation, looking up at Crowley with caution and noting his back was towards you, his focus on the far wall, most likely lost in his thoughts.

Carefully, you dropped the handcuffs off your uninjered left wrist and onto the carpeted floor, your eyes locked on the Demon in the room all the while as not to snap him from his trance. Sneaking a look towards the fireplace poker, you debated waiting until Crowley left the room again, but debunked the idea, deciding that could be hours from now, and you didn’t know how much time you had; You did, however, know that the longer you stayed here, the less time you had to warn Sam and Dean of the events taking place.

Removing your heels with one of your hands carefully, you moved to a crouching position, your eyes still trained on Crowley lest he decided to turn around. You moved quietly towards the weapon in mind as quietly as possible, holding in a wince when the floor beneath your feet creaked slightly. You snuck a cautious look towards Crowley and mentally sighed in relief at the notice that he hadn’t heard.

Approaching the brick slab surrounding the fireplace, you delicately removed the poker from it’s stand, looking over your shoulder once more to find that The Demon keeping watch on you hadn’t taken notice of your movement...yet.

You debated attacking Crowley with the poker now in hand, but knew that it would do hardly any damage, if any at all and sighed mentally, looking towards the exit. Well, you didn’t know if it was an exit, but you did know it was all you had. Sure, sneaking out was risky, but not as risky as attempting to overpower the much more physically equipt -not to mention uninjured- Demon not more than three yards in your line of vision, and decided caution was the better option this time around.

You kept to the edges of the room near the walls, knowing the floors there would be the least noisy and almost patted yourself on the back when you made it into the long hallway before reminding yourself you were not in the clear yet. You carried on, not even sparing a glance towards your abandon heels you were glad to be rid of.

Left, Left, Right.

There was that kitchen Crowley must’ve made your sandwich in. At the thought, your stomach growled involuntarily and you cringed, cursing yourself for not having ate the sandwich when you had the chance, but not dwelling on the thought as you made your way down yet another hallway.

This wasn’t any ordinary house, but a mansion of some sort, and you could only pray that there was some kind of exit. Your thoughts wandered to Crowley’s earlier words

He could’ve been telling the truth, although you doubted it, what would he have to gain from that? You kept your bandaged right hand against the wall delicately, as not to cause it any more harm, presuming that if you continuously take rights, it would eventually lead you out of here.

Much to your surprise, after you lost track of how much time you’d been wandering, you arrived at a much larger room full of paintings and even a few windows, displaying the early sun’s rising, reminding you of how exhausted you really were.

Your eyes scoped out the room, landing on a large white door a few paces in front of a large marble staircase and almost sobbed in relief. You took a deep breath, keeping yourself collected as you approached the large wooden door. You were fairly certain Crowley knew you’d disappeared by now and was out looking for you, so you practically rushed to the exit, your hand delicately landing on the brass knob.

“Ahem,”

You froze, your eyes widening in realization and fear as Crowley’s voice rang through the otherwise quiet room,

“What were you expecting love?” He questioned, “Thought you could just wander out and I wouldn’t notice? No shoes or anything?” He almost sounded amused, but you knew better. You slowly turned to face him, your eyes slowly rising to meet his wrath filled ones and kept the poker behind your back, out of his line of sight.

He approached, his glare deepening as he grabbed your upper right arm tight enough for you to wince, and pulled you close,

“You’re not going anywhe--”

The fire stick poker in your hand shot up to hit Crowley square in the jaw and sending him back a few paces. You wasted no time turning on your heel and running out the door, the iron weapon abandon with a clatter on the floor left behind.

You bounded off the porch, early morning sun lighting your way down the stairs and onto dirt path. You took no time to notice the wheat field around you or the massive driveway you passed, only concerned with getting as far away from Crowley as fast as you could. You’re lungs burned as you heaved and your adrenaline blocked out the pain throbbing in your right wrist.

As you were running, you struck into a blunt force, blocking your path as you let out an ‘oomph’ and fell on your rear onto the dusty ground. Looking up, you came face to face with Crowley again, his face now red with rage, and you surmised the fire-poker didn’t do as much damage as you were hoping.

He grasped you by your injured wrist this time, causing you to let out an involuntary pained cry as the world shifted around you and you were back in that damn room again. You whined pathetically as he squeezed your wrist harder, your tears blurring your vision as he glowered down at you,

“You little twit,” He growled, “I swear if I didn’t need you I’d--” He froze mid sentence, his eyes trailed past you into the room as his expression shifted from rage to fear and he let go and backed away from you immediately.

After furrowing your brows at Crowley’s actions in confusion, you wasted no time bringing your hand up to asses the damage done to your already pained wrist, and almost sobbed at the pulsating pain, You had no time to curse yourself for your weak display as Crowley spoke up,

“Reawth…” His voice came out hardly above a whisper, as if it pained him to even speak. Your head whipped around to follow his gaze and your eyes landed upon a dainty woman with long black curls, standing in the middle of the room, her eyes full of malice as she stared Crowley down. The woman wasn’t even glaring, but you could tell she was full of anger.

In all honesty, you were a bit surprised, having expected some being larger than life and instead witnessing a small girl with doll-like features, although you had a feeling you shouldn’t underestimate her. You refused to take any steps back as the demon had, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of hurting your pride, despite already witnessing you clutching your broken wrist and whining at Crowley’s clutch on said limb.

Crowley snapped out of his trance and fell to his knees immediately, his eyes trained on the floor,

“You’re majesty,” He corrected himself, keeping his eyes off of her, making you think it’s some time of submissive thing. You’d forgotten that Crowley was once just a commoner amongst demons, and knew how to play the part of the dog, but you were sure there was no faking his fear.

The woman scoffed, not having even spared you a glance yet as she spoke,

“Oh get up you piece of filth,” Her voice was hardly threatening, causing you to be taken-aback at the words themselves.

Crowley wasted no time obeying her orders, standing slightly behind you as he kept his eyes cast towards the floor in fear, practically shaking.

She must really be a big deal

You were surprised at your lack of fear in this situation, possibly because it didn’t seem to be directed towards you, and instead your eyes shot towards the hallway once more. You knew your chance at escaping again were slim, but you also knew the chances of her letting something worthless to her live were even slimmer.

Reawth looked at Crowley expectantly, her head tilting in askance.

Crowley seemed to choke on his words as he spoke, “I’m sorry your majesty,” He twiddled his thumbs, and your eyes shot towards the hall doorway once more,

“...I couldn’t aquire the hunters--”

--“You couldn’t complete the one simple task I gave you?” Her voice was sharp now, her lips in a thin line, as her frustration grew.

--”I--” Crowley tried,

--”Don’t interrupt,” She boomed, causing you to flinch backwards slightly, retreating only a couple steps. Even from your distance, you could see the darkness lingering in her eyes, “I gave you one instruction, and even offered you a reward...not being killed. Just out of curiosity, what went wrong?” Her voice grew softer as she approached Crowley, but you knew not to let your guard down despite her demeanor.

Crowley swallowed, “I--” he began before she tsk’d him,

“Uh-uh,” she waved her finger, a smirk slithering across her features as said finger pointed to the ground, “I want you on your knees for this bit,”

Crowley did as she asked, falling one knee at a time before biting his lip, his breathing slightly erratic as Reawth crouched beside his face, grabbing his ear and growing pleased at the pained wince he let out.

“Why don’t you tell me what happened?” She asked, the sickly sweet tone to her voice unnerving as you took a cautious step away once more.

The demon snuck a worried look towards you. At Crowley’s non-immediate answer, she pulled harder on his ear,

“I underestimated their resources your leighe,” He cried out, “I figured they’d be on their way to rescure their team-mate,” He looked at you, immense guilt in his eye. You would’ve glared at him for throwing you under the bus, but honestly, you couldn’t blame him, “They’re tracking her phone,” He gulped, looking back to the brunette woman who looked at you dismissively, as if you weren’t worth her time, before snapping her sharp eyes towards you once more, this time looking much more interested.

She released Crowley and stood, seeming not to notice his relieved breath as she squinted her eyes towards you, her orbs seemed to be looking through you, leaving you feeling exposed.

As she approached slowly, power emitting from her small form, you went to take another protective step back, only to realize you couldn’t move, and chalked it up to her abilities. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from her, not even to assess Crowley’s current condition, they were locked on her intrigue filled orbs.

This was the first time you’d seen her genuinely looked shocked as she turned around you, taking in your form before stopping at your face, her eyes boring into your own, as if searching for something before her mouth fell agape,

“Oh,” She almost gawked as a dainty hand came up to stroke your face gently - as if she were worried you’d break - sending tendrils of relaxation untensing your muscles and leaving you sated, the feeling traveling to your injured wrist and eased it’s throbbing until the pain subsided completely. You wished you could smack her hand away, or at the very least glare, but alas, you were still immobile, a victim to her touch.

Her eyes were still searching yours, and you found yourself growing more and more confused at the disbelief in her expression, wondering why she hadn’t just killed you yet.

“Merifri tiolb…” She whispered under her breath in wonder, hardly audible to you had it not been such a close proximity, before a malicious grin slithered across her doll-like features.

She seemed to have completely dismissed Crowley’s lack of completion to her task, instead her whole focus being on you, her eyes alight as if you were a trophy.

“You’re majesty, if I might--” Crowley started as Reawth’s expression shifted from one of wonder to annoyance, her hand coming up to snap her fingers, and leaving Crowley to plummet to the ground. A small unintentional gasp left your throat before you could stop yourself, and you feared she had killed him.

However, before you could process the situation, you were gone.

‘Do not presume to know what lengths I would take Dean. Her situation is your fault as well.’

‘(Wait and see) ;)’

Part 6

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