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#suicidal fantasies
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i’m high functioning but one day i’m going to jump in front of a train. everyone will be so sad but not surprised as i’ve been suicidal for so long. i will finally feel relief from this world of pain and suffering.
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shadowtraveled · 1 month
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"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.
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but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)
mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…
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the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.
every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.
first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic
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which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.
which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.
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the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.
walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?
well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.
you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?
it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.
when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.
and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.
kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.
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yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.
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haunted-xander · 2 months
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For what do you live?
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filmgifs · 3 months
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"But, you're not here. I'm here. I wish you were here! I wish you could talk to me. 'Cause, I'm a friend. Compañero."
Wings of Desire (1987) dir. Wim Wenders
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dailyflicks · 10 months
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THE SUICIDE SQUAD (2021) dir. James Gunn
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dreamingofspring · 28 days
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Pov you're on a vacation originally meant as an engagement celebration for your ex husband and his new fiance, with your daughter, your partner, your ex fling, your daughter's friends and their parents
And the first time you get a chance to talk to your daughter one on one, she confesses that she doesn't want to exist, when you yourself are someone who deeply struggles with self loathing as well
I'd also immediately chug a bottle of wine tbh
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wastrelwoods · 2 days
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having the new worldbuilding angle by junior year campaign where resurrecting dead adventuring academy students is pretty normal and there is a robust infrastructure for it and standby clerics etc etc makes it so especially funny to think back on when aguefort saw 2 freshmen die to sentient corn on their first day and was like not to worry kids! there's an easy solution to this! lemme kill the guidance counselor and then myself
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ksilberne · 6 months
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TW// suicide ended up making a half-assed comic of this, might scribble more :')
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idolomantises · 1 year
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I think I’m gonna discuss this once and hopefully never have to bring it up again. Originally I wanted to talk about it on Twitter but people are very disrespectful when it comes to mental health so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Basically, I haven’t been doing so great, mentally. Nothing bad has happened to me, I’m safe and surrounded by people I care about, and it’s been like that for months. I just, I haven’t been feeling good.
For people who do follow me on accounts like Twitter and Instagram, you may have noticed I haven’t posted anything new since January. I was struggling to feel motivated to make something for my main accounts despite having countless ideas I’d love to work on. I feel better now and do plan on getting something done in March, but that sudden lack of motivation is pretty rare for me. Art is not only my job but a big hobby for me, I just love drawing. I did get some nsfw art done at least.
I don’t know what really prompted my mental health decline, I’ve been getting a few worried messages and fanart because someone insulted my art. But that didn’t hurt me at all, it actually boosted my account and patreon.
I guess I just… got sad?
I have a really bad tendency to suppress and even ignore my trauma and feelings of guilt. And I guess one day I really sat with my thoughts and I just, lost it I guess. I have so much traumatic memories and sudden and intense feelings of self loathing, something I’ve never felt in almost a decade, that it got overwhelming. I couldn’t reassure myself, I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it because how do you confront things that happened years ago? You feel almost irrational. It’s just memories that haunt you, it’s nothing physical or tangible and yet it’s a crushing feeling of anxiety, self hatred and resentment.
I was crying almost every day, and crying so much that my eyes kept hurting long after I was done, and I could barely see my own screen. I’ve had paranoid thoughts about myself and others, thoughts I can’t get into because they’re so deeply irrational. I was feeling suicidal urges and thoughts of self harm. I don’t see myself doing it, but it’s so frequent and overwhelming it’s like I’m already planning my suicide note.
I was talking to my therapist about it, that I was starting to hate being alive. That I hated living. That I could spend the next 50 years of my life with no more conflict or trauma and I’d still be in intense misery and turmoil. They’re feelings I couldn’t really bring myself to tell friends about because what could they say? How do you calm yourself down and reassure yourself. I can’t even talk about my trauma verbally without crying. And it’s funny because sometimes minor irks started to affect me negatively. I was feeling anxious about what to draw because I didn’t want to do deal with homophobic backlash.
I went to a therapist, I talked to friends, Ive been working out more and eating better, I did everything I should do to improve my mental health and all of a sudden a single night just sitting in my room destroyed everything I was slowly building up over the past 5 years.
It’s been really difficult for me. I think also, I just felt so much guilt over not being the best person I could be. I decided to lessen my online usage, not just for my mental health but because I really wanted to work on being a better person. I want to stop hating myself and letting my trauma push me down and I want to do just be better and do better as a person. A lot of people have been very forgiving and kind to me but I don’t feel like it’s enough and I want to do more and I want to feel better about myself. I want to give everything I can to people around me. I’ve been going to therapy a lot more lately and things are getting better for me, but it’s been a very slow process.
I just want to repeat that nothing serious has happened to me. Nobody attacked me in a way that negatively affected my health. A lot of people, friends and strangers have been really nice to me these past few months. I just was doing a lot of self reflecting and unintentionally forced myself to confront a lot of my trauma. I’m saying trauma a lot. I don’t want to get into depth about what I endured because it’s my business but people who do know me know how bad things were for me. I don’t want to feel like that again. I want to feel better, and I want to do better.
Sorry for the long read. That’s just how I feel.
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bodhranwriting · 10 months
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The Way Through the Woods by Bodhrán M.
PROLOGUE
It had taken almost a century of denial – and nearly two more of experimentation – before Palamon Keeper accepted it was, in fact, impossible for him to die.
He couldn’t seem to maintain an injury either. Yes, he bled and bones broke, but the skin and sinew always knitted itself back together again in a matter of days without a single scar to be seen. Trying to drown himself achieved nothing more than informing him that his lung capacity was the same as it had ever been, but now he’d trap himself in a never-ending cycle of gasping pain and unconsciousness until he ran out of river.
Poison caused him to vomit. Slitting his wrists just ruined his rug. A noose was somehow simultaneously excruciatingly painful and tedious.
(Luckily, he’d tried that one when people had still come through the forest of their own accord: otherwise, he’d have been stuck there for longer than just a week.)
Eventually, when he’d hit what he believed to be the three-hundredth year of immortality, he’d just… given up.
Palamon Keeper had lit a little fire in his little hearth in his little cabin and cooked his dinner like it was any other day and conceded: the forest was his home.
As it had been before, and now would be forever after.
And, perhaps, that would have been enough for him to bear.
But, of course, the gentry of fate always have other plans.
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tainted-sweet-meats · 4 months
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More oc lore from my fursona's universe "We are, as I am" this time of Nishou the Doppelgänger. Definitely read tags before clicking the click more for his info. Read more of his info under the cut vvvvvv
Full name: Nishou S. Coding: Jamaican/Chinese Gender/ sexuality: Masc/ Pansexual Pronouns: He/Him Size: 6"3' Species: Doppelganger BirthPlace/Birthday: ???(Never born but created) Zodiac Sign: ???
Voiceclaim:N/A (supernatural/distorted voice is bolded)
Speech quirk
" You are the worst of us and I'm the better of you.....there is no reason for your existence.." " You never say what's on your mind..maybe that's why you're always in trouble..pity you, it couldn't be me...I know how to get what I want and how to destroy what I don't need." "Did you hate yourself so much..that you cast me out..now look at you..a lesser..than what we both are...what we both could of been....I'LL ALWAYS HATE YOU." "One day I will devour you and when that day comes.. I'll make it enjoyable for the both of us.. remember...our oath...blood in..and blood out..right..."
personality music
N/A
General info
Nishou is the forced out utmost extreme negatives and positives of Nish, the best and worst. He was originally a part of them but grew tired of how placid Nish was with themselves. He is the pent-up aggression of all they were throughout their life joined together. He is blunt and doesn't hold back from anyone or anything. His words are as visceral as his fangs and he's proud of the handy work his jaws can do, metaphorically and physically.
Despite his high aggression he also has a high passion and a dual personality. This is also believed to be a product of Nish hiding most of their feelings in situations resulting in unintentionally creating a personality for their doppelganger. Unlike the original, Nishou is not lovey-dovey and seeks passion through intimacy in the most primal of ways. Due to his ferocity, they can confuse the lust for the flesh.. for the hunger they yearn for and easily make quick work out of lovers. Very contradictory to their original that seeks love but can never act on it.
Though consuming their lovers isn't the same as taking their original's place in life. It is an easy way to sate the hunger and craving to fully feel like their original in some twisted way. To Nishou their original stands in his way to having an actual presence in life. It is very well known that a doppelganger must kill their original in order to take their place. To take the originals, they have to consume their heart. And in doing so, living the life he could never live through theirs.
Stand-alone they seem intimidating, harsh, and overly confident. He is the only one to assume many forms, the feral, anthro, were, beastrial, a penghou, as well as a semi humanish creature called Final fatalis. The original can not assume the last three forms. These forms are solely for the doppel. The last tree forms are said to be transitional forms of his supernatural powers. Forms slowly define him farther away from his original vessel. The humanoid form is his strongest out of the bunch. You can tell the doppel is present by the eyes. Only he has red and blue eyes swirling in rings. He could never mimic the original's eyes for some reason. Something having to do with the lack of their soul contained within the heart. Which is what he has to consume from his original vessel to take the life back he helped create.
Though Nishou is not evil, he is the product of the original vessel. When the original could not confront internal struggles with themself, it caused a rift creating him. Nish's subconscious cast him out of their body by throwing up a supernatural black substance that formed Nishou. When formed he was hateful to be abandoned instead of accepted. He formed.....resentful...distorted and vowed to devour every aspect of Nish to regain some peace in his lack of sanity. Which he is slowly losing the more time he remains out of the original's body on his own. He knows only the extremes of the original and acts according to his basic instinct. He believes full heartily when you betray your true self, your real self will be vengeful to regain what it helped you build. You can never escape yourself.
Powers
Slit split- A power only useable in his final and stable form known as "Final Fatalis". A supernatural power where he will slit his wrists to cause the black substance that makes up his very being, to create physical puppet-like replicas of his past forms. These forms can retain memory and take heavy damage in battle. The puppets can be killed but all memory is gained back to the doppel. The damages done, work as a memory function. The doppel will absorb the pain inflicted, which causes the final form to be invincible, indestructible, and distorted over time. This distortion is permanent to him.
Heart inflict-  The more time the doppel spends outside the original's body can cause deterioration effects on him entirely. Heart inflict allows him to devour the hearts of those who love or lust after him to keep him stable. This extends the time he has in the physical realm in order to consume the heart he needs to live his life in absolution. The original's heart is what's needed to be fully alive and of the physical realm the original vessel inhabits. Any heart he devours must have the initial intent in wanting him. Though the want doesn't always have to be positive towards him. To the doppel, even if the meat is soured by unjust distortion, meat is all the same to him.
Shadow waltz-  Is a teleportation power. The doppel can walk through shadows, even your own. The doppel however does not have a shadow himself. He uses the shadows around him to his advantage. This power can also detect energy. Once in your presence, the doppel is very calculating to not only you but the energy you give off. This makes it easier for him to teleport to your location to find you in an instant.
Vanta pressure- The same feeling you get when you are in the presence of a shadow person or anything paranormal, is the same presence the doppel gives off. This particular move also can cause paralysis when the doppel is tired of hunting you. If you are in close range, your movements cease. Once you stare into his eyes, you will feel the pressure that slowly tears down your emotional and physical barriers. At this point, you are powerless against him and he will devour you.
Catalyst break- This power is used constantly. The doppel can take in high amounts of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual damage. The more he takes in abuse/damage.. the stronger he gets. There isn't much that can hurt him since he isn't exactly physical yet. Though this power has side effects. The more power used against him, the more he has to consume to stay stable. This sometimes means friends may be on the menu.
Dream Inflict- When trying to keep a low profile, he can actually tamper with your dreams and cause you mental harm that will reflect on you physically. In this state you are fully powerless because once he has broken your mind you are done for.  The harm he has done to you in your dreams will reflect on your body in the physical. He can use this power to his advantage in a non violent manner as well to just talk with you. Though many will assume it is a vivid or lucid dream.
Vanta Canon- A flameless thrower attack that can rot the flesh off of bones. This attack is in fact not flames but the same creational fluid that acts like an acidic blast through the mouth. The fluid is a focus of acidic trauma distortion once held within the original vessel. Once said trauma was absorbed by the doppel to protect the original vessel when they were in one body, he focused it into a physical attack. The mock flame is the purest form of black and can deteriorate someone from their very core consciousness. 
But not before replaying said victim of said attack to relive all their life's trauma through their minds eye. Before melting  slowly to death. Ripping you entirely from existence not just in a physical sense. This attack isn't used lightly since its one of the doppel's most vindictive and hate filled attacks. You must of did something horrible/personal to bring this upon you.
Vanta Dismantle - Not many know beyond the original vessel, but it is very wise to not cause any splitting injuries to the doppel. This attack can only be used if the doppel is split in half. He can never fully split and usually the split will stop near his pelvis. He is very dangerous in this mode and can use his internal liquids as hardened weapons before he regenerates his body back in place. Unlike the original vessel, the doppel has no internal organs, bones, muscles or anything. What he has is a creational black fluid that can be molded at his will. He can even trap you within the middle of his split body which can easily crush you to death..leaving zero traces behind. Though when absorbed into him due to his supernatural link...all traces, memory, and you as a whole cease to exist. He can not feed off of you using this attack.
Minor miscellaneous powers such as:
Hyper regeneration
Supernatural strength
Imperceptibility
Psionics
Voice manipulation
Immortality
Inaudible movement
Haunting
Darkness Aura
Darkness Empowerment
Darkness Manipulation
Enragement triggers:
High-frequency noises
Reacting physically violent towards him
Weakness
His original vessel showing self love/forgiveness
Connection to Self-Nishou has retained all information and memories from Nish, and uses them against his original vessel. While what he says isn't exactly wrong, it is presented as aggressive, angered, and distorted. They have seen through the eyes and sorted through the feelings of the original when they were once one in body and mind. With his forked bluntness, they verbally lash at his original with their shortcomings. Using family, friends, relationships, and life traumas against them. To show without him they would have been dead in their teenhood.
Reminding them it was him who kept the noose from around their neck for so long. It was him who broke the rope at the last minute when they tried. An how ungrateful they are for abandoning him when they felt he wasn't needed or would cause hardships in their life. Nishou knows every aspect and every hole the original tries to hide to seem strong. The strength was all him and only his doing. He reminds the original vessel.."It's easy to hide from others but not from one's self".. and he makes sure the original never forgets it.
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Friendship with a Doppelganger
Though he knows loyalty and values it, unlike their original he is quick to pick up on the lack of it. The minute you let slip you have ulterior motives you are as good as dead. He plays the dance of course. He lets you believe you didn't slip. He enjoys watching you lie, just to see how far you're willing to go. You feel some form of false safety as he still shows you loyalty while you show deceit.
He likes the game even if you aren't aware of it. The minute you initiated it by lying and trying to use him. He doesn't gain much other than fun and quick blood from the play you started. Unlike his original, it's not above him to be vindictive. In fact he takes pleasure in it by giving you pay back. He is very eye for an eye in that mind set. A head space the original vessel quickly abandoned deeming it a toxic trait. An thus the doppel adapting it, seeing it useful to those who sought to harm or use him.
He is the extremes of his original..so like his malice and hate..his love is equally so. Turning on him or using him will hurt him severely, but he will never show it. He doesn't understand forgiveness, because he can't even forgive his original, which in turn he can not forgive himself. He simply will get rid of you permanently to stop the pain you have caused him. He knows no other way to cope with emotional pain of betrayal and abandonment.
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Spot the difference
Nishou has a distinct look. While he is Nish's doppelganger, his markings are more pronounced and jagged. His demeanor is a bit more serious, aggressive, and forthcoming. He always seems to have a scowl on his face or an expression of hunger and happy malice. He has a swirl to his eyes that seems hyper-focused and intense. Though this is an assumed adaptation so you can not focus on his eyes, since he believes that the eyes are a window to his inner workings.  Thus he feels if you can't focus on his eyes it will not leave him open to vulnerabilities. He is the only one able to assume many forms. His height is also way taller than the originals. Unlike their original..they can not bleed red, only black. They were never born...but created. So they do not have flesh and blood like their original does. Everything about them is an intense mimicry. Nish has a bit softer quality in looks and markings, they also do not carry the intense bearded chin fluff. They can be seen with a solemn or emotional face. Though they can be serious in the face it is never the same as their Doppel. Nish's eyes are just red with a hint of blue.
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Face to Face-Nishou when confronted with Nish is highly volatile and aggressive. He tries to kill and devour them to claim a life he feels he helped create. And in a sense he did. Without him or his ferocity..his original could not have made it in life when he was a part of them. Nish fears their masculinity more than anything. He represents a part of them they try to hide and destroy to be accepted by their loved ones. Unbeknownst to the fact trying to rid yourself of yourself breeds hatred within self. This hatred bred their doppelganger's personality throughout their growth. They forever are in turmoil with each other until Nish accepts them or succumbs to them.
If Nish shows Nishou any form of love...he seems to be in pain and tries to get away from their original. Being created and cast out from their original's body has caused a jaded mind set. When confronted with affections and acceptance, he doesn't know how to react. He will either run from them or try to injure their original to stay away.
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Nishou's representation
He is the physical manifestation of the extreme fear of the original vessel accepting their repressed shunned masculinity within themselves. An a physical representation of the original vessel's childhood through the eyes of manipulation and abuse. He is the warped aggression that has been done to the original vessel from their parental units, trusted loved ones, life experiences and harsh environmental adaptation. His actions with lovers is a severed hate for toxic masculinity in a relationship from experience of the original vessel's dating habits in past men. 
These relationship natures are twisted into extreme vulgarities that are not normal. Usually the devouring of the flesh in a carnal manner is symbolic to giving oneself entirely both in body and emotions for the sake of another. An getting nothing but desecration in return. This repressed feeling is the unrequited love the original endured up until their early 20's. At this time Nishou was cast out from their body.
He is the only one from the two that can assume a multitude of forms. It is believed by the original vessel that this multi-transitional process of Nishou, is representations they helped create through self repressed feelings and trauma.
The feral, a form both have which represents basic and lesser instincts of mental adaption to situational issues. The Feral form is known as the emotional shield. It is a form used commonly to avoid emotional backlash within self. To see him in this form is to realize you are being monitored and if you can be trusted. In this form, he doesn't fully trust you. It is a neutral form towards anyone and everyone.
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The anthro, is also known as the physical shield. Is a form that is the most mocking to the original vessel due to variations of similarities to Nish. The only difference is this form is bigger than the original. As well as markings being slightly more jagged and rougher in look. The rough look is believed to be akin to Father. This is the form the original vessel always wanted but could never have due to the fear of backlash from loved ones. This is also the most common form to see him in.
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The were, otherwise known as the mental shield. This form is the unchecked repressed brutality of the original vessel. Unlike the beastrial, the doppel's were form is highly aware mentally. Something the original can not control in their form. It is unknown why Nishou can mentally be in control while in this state though. It's believed the were is more a form originally for the doppel. The were being a physical manifestation of a mental safeguard to emotional pain and abuse, when he was still within the body of the original vessel. It is believed that once he was cast out from the original, Nish could still resume their form but lacked mental clarity like the doppel. Since it was his form to originally achieve. A form he shared with the original vessel to overcome mental trauma from others.
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The penghou, known as the trauma shield, is a form only the doppel can achieve. This form is said to be the head of a humanoid man and the body of a canid. This form is believed to be a representation of the original's repressed fear of accepting themselves due to parental resentment. The eyes in the mane are a form of paranoia developed from Mother always asserting dominance in their offspring's life. The eyes themselves are the colors of  Mother's eyes. A constant reminder of being watched and stigmatized for trying to achieve being one's true self without her toxic help. This state like the beastrial is semi transitional. Unlike the other transformations, there is something eerily humanoid about this form.
The penghou is the doppel's most intense form. The doppel in this state is highly vengeful due to being abandoned by the original vessel. While the doppel is a manifestation of self-hatred entirely, the penghou is a distorted result of primal aggression to oneself through parental abuse. For favoring what others think before what the original vessel thought of themselves. It is known to mimic voices of those the original trusts in order to coax the original to get closer to harm them. The black ooze from this beast is the same creational sludge that helped form him. This fluid is highly toxic and if bitten could mean certain death. This fluid is what makes up the doppel's body and is also what he bleeds.
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The beastrial, known to be the transitional shield. It is a were stuck in mid shift. It is believed this form only happens when the doppel is in a high aggressive emotional state. While it rarely happens, when it does Nishou is not in his right state of mind and will even harm friends without a second thought. This form could be forced out as a retaliation of the original vessel trying to accept themselves as well as their doppel. Another theory to this form is the original vessel's lack of trust for those who actually care for them. It is well known the original vessel holds no trust despite having others trust in them. 
This residual is warped within the doppel entirely into something more physically aggressive. Thus the lapse in judgment in this form for turning on those who may actually love them, lumping said friends in with those who hold ill will towards them. This is the only form to also semi resemble "Mother". He is more feline than he is vulpine in looks in this state. Depending on the emotional state, the face of said form can vary.
This form holds no empathy nor time for negotiation within reasonable sensibility. It is all terror and all hatred from both the humanoid and beast in its utmost form. In this form he can no longer speak human tongue and  regresses back into its most primal of languages. It's instinct is to destroy and kill everything that has harmed it and everything that is in its way, be it friend or foe. He will not show mercy in his wake and this form can not be halted until what ever caused this shift  is destroyed or far within reach to be seen or sniffed out.
This form is easily irritable and highly sensitive to noise of high pitches and low baritones. Sudden noises that irritate them can send him off in a rage. [No images at this time, they aren't scanned oh lazy me :p]
The humanoid, is the last and strongest form of the doppel. It is known to no longer be a shield form for the original vessel, but a form fully for the doppel. An offense form known as "Final Fatalis". Surprisingly even compared to his were or beastrial form, this form's strength is unimaginable. In this state the doppel is impenetrable and can not be harmed in any manner. This is the fully transitioned form of the doppel. In this state he is known to even shift out animalistic parts to his advantage at will. Though he keeps a lot of his markings and animal attributes, his face is no longer animal. The original vessel has no known defense against this form.
The humanoid is very large, hyper-aware, and at best unpredictable. They have a natural charm that can allure anyone to them unintentionally. The semi-humanoid is also alluded to have supernatural powers. Such as being able to teleport within and through darkness, pick up emotional intent, hyper-physical and emotional regeneration, high pain tolerance, and strike fear into those who challenge him with a simple glance. One of his most powerful tactics is splitting his skin open to release some of his black creational sludge to replicate walking puppets of his previous forms to do his bidding. They hold all powers of said form while sharing a mental link with him since they are him. Just now weaponized extensions. These puppets have blackened eyes, unlike his swirled eyes.
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Nishou is a physical walking vessel of the original's self-hatred. His very imagery is a mockery of what the original could have been had they loved themselves, before pleasing and loving others. Though due to being forcefully shunned, Nishou has distorted from what he once was. This creature is walking self-hatred manifested as a doppel. Each form represents multiple pieces of the original's traumas and not being able to confront them to accept self.
Relationships- It's rare to see Nishou in a committed relationship-type setup like it is to see Nish in one. Nish can be seen holding their heart away from their partner or lovers constantly. There is a lack of trust to fully give themselves to a partner while still showing love fully. A huge contradiction but doable only by Nish. However, this is a glimmer of Nishou's nature still within them. When it comes to friends, they can be confident and flirty.
 But don't mistake it for the commitment of a lover. You will never get this from them and they will make sure you never get this close to them. You will always feel something is off while dating them. While you feel loved, there is a slight distance, as if the minute you mess up they will disappear from your life as if they were never there. There is some truth to your feeling. It is not that they don't love you, they do. What they will not lose is themselves over you. They don't value you enough to put themselves in that predicament. This is a unique residual of what their Doppel left behind within them. There is a huge fear within Nish that they will lose themselves entirely within you. They already regret casting their doppel out, they do not want to lose anything else with what little they have left of themselves. This part is their heart. An organ the doppel is believed to be missing. The only perk to them having fun with you is your safety is 100% guaranteed. Unlike their doppel, where you are walking on eggshells due to their extreme natures. An a potential threat of death if you cross the doppel emotionally.
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Please Fix the Story - Side Part - Liam
LAST SIDE PART! Liam's story. I really hope you guys enjoy! This has been a wild ride, and I can't wait to move on to whatever is next!
Masterpost linked here
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“Every dragon has a treasure.”
Grandfather spoke seriously to me, his large silver form towering over my small one. I never felt fear or discomfort facing him, despite his enormous size, however, because his eyes were always filled with warmth and love.
“Like gold?” I asked, rolling on the ground to scratch the new scales on my back. “Or diamonds?”
“Treasure for a dragon is much more than a simple shiny object.” Grandfather watched my actions with a toothy grin. “It represents something much greater than that. A treasure can’t be owned by the dragon, quite the opposite in fact.”
He reached out a claw, flipping me over and patting the dirt and grass from the ridges on my back. I looked up at him, stunned by the seriousness in his gaze. “A dragon’s treasure is whatever owns his heart. It is a piece of their soul, the truest home a dragon can have is by his treasure’s side. If something happens to the treasure, it destroys the heart of the dragon… so we protect our treasures with our lives.”
“Wow! I want a treasure!” I tried to fly, but my immature wings could only lift me a few feet before I fell back down to the ground.
“Oh Little One, you will.” He assured me. “Every dragon does.”
“Wait... then what’s your treasure?”
His eyes grew very sad. “My treasure was your grandmother. I loved her more than life itself.”
“My grandmother? I shook my head, confused. “Where is she?”
“She passed, Child. She had to leave me first.” His eyes had tears in them. “Dragons are nearly immortal, but there are still far too many things that can end our journeys early.”
“I thought you said if something happens to your treasure…?”
“Her death destroyed me… I wanted to follow her.” He stared out at the sky. “But your parents had fallen in the same battle… and I couldn’t leave my Little One alone. You were just an egg then.” His eyes focused back on me. “I will always miss her, my heart will never be the same. However, she would want me to care for you, raise you well. You are our grandchild, a living proof of her existence, and I am fortunate to have the chance to be your family.”
I rushed over and hugged Grandpa’s leg. “It’s okay! Don’t be sad!  I love you!”
“I love you too!” He smiled again. “And one day, Little One, when you find your treasure, I hope that you both know nothing but peace and joy. “
“I’ll find my treasure! And then you can live with both of us!”
His large claw rested gently on my head. “I would love that.”
I went to sleep that night, dreaming of family and a bright future ahead.
The next day, I lost everything.  
_______________________________
I was playing in a field, chasing butterflies. I scampered after a bright blue one, capturing it gently between my claws.
“Pretty!” I admired its big blue wings. “I wish I could fly like you! Grandpa says I need to grow a few more years before my wings will be big enough.” My voice dropped to a whisper. “But I practice anyways! When I can fly I’ll go looking for my treasure! And then I will grow up big and strong and protect everyone, so no one has to be sad like my grandpa ever again!”
The butterfly flapped its wings nervously, and I opened my claws to release it. “Go home, butterfly! Bye bye!”
I watched as it flew away… directly into a blue portal that materialized in front of me. The poor creature was incinerated as I stared, horrified.
“What is going on…?” A glowing blue figure stepped out. It looked somewhat human, but not at the same time. I briefly wondered if it was like Grandpa, who could take a human form when he needed to be smaller. As I considered this, the being stepped closer, its eyes focused directly on me. Feeling uneasy, I backed away a few steps.
YOU ARE A DRAGON?
The words were spoken and at the same time wrote themselves in the sky above me. I knew how to read, Grandpa had taught me, but I had never heard of a being that could speak written words into existence.
“Y-yes! I’m a mighty dragon like my grandpa!” I puffed out my chest proudly, but after a moment my shoulders still shrank back in fear.
YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN.
“Chosen? For what?”
YOU WILL BE A MIGHTY HERO, TRAVELING TO MANY WORLDS, SAVING THE UNIVERSE. YOU WILL BE GIVEN UNIMAGINABLE POWER AND WEALTH. YOU WILL BE THE GREATEST DRAGON TO EVER EXIST.
“… cool.” I thought it over. “Can my grandpa come?”
NO. THIS WORLD WILL BE DESTROYED BY YOUR DEPARTURE.
“Oh… no thank you, then.” I started backing away. “I have to go home now.”
YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN. REFUSAL WILL NOT BE ALLOWED.
I turned away to run “GRANDPA!”
“CHILD! RUN!” I saw my grandfather, his large silver form flying desperately towards me. In his eyes I saw a look I had never seen before, no matter how many dangers we had faced since my hatching.
He looked scared.
“GRANDPA!”
YOU MUST ACCEPT YOUR FATE.
Power made of blue fire wrapped around me. My grandfather was close enough to breath his own fire towards the unknown being, but it disintegrated into nothingness as it neared it.
“LITTLE ONE! NO!”
A terrified cry. Tear-filled eyes. A look of anguish.
My last memory of my grandfather, before my home realm was destroyed.
And then I was truly alone.
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I was taken to a new realm, a realm only for me. Nothing else could live there. Insects, plants, even moss and mold… they would appear briefly, live just long enough for me to dream that this time, things would be different, before withering away. Death was my constant companion in this realm. Each time a new living creature or plant would arrive, I would tell myself not to hope. Hope would only result in more pain. But still my young heart beat quickly with it each time I discovered something new.
But soon, loneliness would no longer be my greatest fear. The System began dragging me into lower realms, telling me to play my part.
I will never forget my first mission.
It was a high school world. My character was a bully, one that tormented the hero and heroine relentlessly. His father was a very wealthy and influential man, and this boy leveraged every once of that prestige to make others miserable.
When I arrived, I was scared, confused. I had never been a human before, much less in a place of only humans. Even as I tried to orient myself to my new surroundings, however, I was given a mission:
My mission was to die.  
In the story, character failed to separate the hero and his love. In this end his misdeeds were exposed on the internet, and the entire world turned against him. Even his father disowned him, cutting off financial support, which had been the only affection he had bothered to bestow upon the boy.
"EVIL! VILLAIN!"
He received thousands upon thousands of messages like this.
"WORTHLESS! DIE!"
Near the end of the story, the villain took his own life. My mission was to continue with the villain’s role as written, while the hero’s story would be changed to save the realm.
I refused.
My grandfather had always taught me to be kind to others, and to myself. I couldn’t bully the two leads, any more than I could harm myself because others wanted me to. I was still a dragon, at least at heart, and I would stay strong.
When I changed the ending, the world faded around me with a simple glowing message:
MISSION FAILED.
I was back in my dragon form in my prison realm, and standing in front of me was an angry young man.
“Are you happy?” He asked me, his eyes cold.
“I don’t understand. Who are you?”
“Obviously you don’t understand!” He pointed at himself. “I am the hero.” His finger turned towards me. “YOU are the villain. We each have our parts to play.”
“I don’t want to harm others, or myself.” I backed away, showing my teeth in a way grandpa had taught me to scare off bad guys like him. “Go away!”
His response was a vicious smile. “Do you know what happened to that world? That lower realm we had traveled to?”
I shook my head.
“Show him, System!” With a wave of his hand a portal opened up next to me. I tried to back away further, but paused at the sight inside:
My character refused to jump off the school roof, as the original ending dictated. As my character was surrounded in blue fire and slumped to the ground, the entire world began bending and warping. The world slowly began to cave in on itself, turning into nothingness.
It was a familiar sight to me, and as I watched, golden tears dripped from my eyes.
It was exactly like the destruction of my home world.
“You killed them.” I whispered, horrified.
“No. YOU killed them.” He leaned forward, and the madness in his eyes terrified me. “You didn’t play your part! The world became unstable and collapsed. Do you understand? All those children you met, all the teachers and parents… every single person you met in that realm… dead. All because of you.”
My small claws covered my head, trying to hide. “NO!”
“Oh yes, what a wonderful villain you turned out to be.” He laughed. “You bring nothing but pain and destruction to those around you, and you need to learn to follow the rules.”
“…”
“You must accept your fate, Villain.” He left with those parting words, which would haunt me each moment going forward
_______________________________
I changed shortly after that. Each time I was dragged into a lower realm, I would get my mission, and fulfill it as simply and quickly as possible. I avoided bullying or harming others, only possible as my mission was almost always regarding the ending for the villain. But the ending required was always terrible.
Death continued to be my constant companion, this time my own. Countless missions of death and destruction, until they all blurred into one another. I never knew if my obedience to the mission changed the fates of these realms or not as Adonis and the System would never tell me. I could only hope.
I matured into adulthood, but nothing changed in my suffering. I had almost forgotten who I was. I had no name but "Villain", I had no purpose but to be defeated so that others could thrive.
I did take some solace in that my current compliance did not make them happy. My race towards the ending of each realm irritated Adonis, which I learned was the name of the hero who would visit me occasionally in my realm.
“You are moving too fast! I don’t have any time to do my part in the realm as you race towards your own bad ending! If you can’t play along…” He trailed off with a threatening tone.
I looked at him without interest. His words meant nothing to me. “You cannot threaten me.” I told him, feeling numb.  “You have already destroyed everything I love. My family is gone. I am alone.”
And I was alone.
On the rare nights I wasn’t dragged into the lower realms to die, I would dream of my home. Of watching dragons fly freely in the sky. Of my grandfather and his loving smile, of his dream that I would find my treasure and live out my days in joy and peace. Each time i dreamt, the details would fade a bit more. I was losing my sense of self, of any purpose other than that which had been forced on me.
I was a dragon, my grandpa said that was something to be proud of.
But I slowly I turned into something else, something twisted. I was becoming the villain I had been named and nothing more.
If life had continued on that way, I don’t know what my ending would have been. A dragon is immortal, but there are still ways to cut their journeys short. Death of hope, destruction of the soul, is one of those ways. I was heading towards a point of no return.
And then I met Bel.
_______________________________
We first met in a lower realm, where I was an assassin, she the heroine. She was lost, confused, and acting totally out of character for the story, which shocked me. I hadn't known there was another traveler like Adonis. After we ran into each other, she spoke to me normally, even kindly, overwhelming me by even the brief interaction. When she asked my name, I responded “Villain” the only one I could remember.
She misheard and called me Liam.
I didn’t correct her, it was the best name I had ever been called.  We drank coffee and talked, and it was the happiest time I could remember since the destruction of my world.
But all good things must end, and there was a counter to finish this mission.  Our missions in this world were the same: the death of the assassin. Seeing her worried gaze on me, I realized this was the first time someone had showed me concern since my grandfather.
I didn’t want her to be sad.
I drank poison, pretending to drink her cup by mistake, and walked away.
Death was my constant companion, but I didn’t want her to see me die.
I saw her a few times after that, mostly in non-human or monstrous forms. She remained the same no matter my appearance, which made me start to wonder a very dangerous thought: would she still be so kind if she knew I was a dragon, a villain?
I buried that hope deep within my heart, not wanting to examine it too closely. But soon it would be difficult to ignore.
_______________________________
Adonis cast her into my realm. He was punishing her, trying to force her to agree with accepting the path and bonds of fate. He knew she would suffer in my realm, slowly having her life drained from her. He must have expected her to cave, to turn back to him in less than a day.
I too thought she would return to the Higher Realm. Initially I treated her coldly, not wanting to have any hope that she would be different than any other living animal or plant that appeared in this place. She would leave here, and it was best I wasn’t too attached.
But Adonis and I both underestimated the wonderful stubbornness of Bel.
She felt the draining effect of the realm, yes, but refused to give in, wanting to stay. I hovered over her, watching her increasingly pale form with increasing anxiety. I had to do something, but what could I, a prisoner and villain, possibly do?
When I got pulled into the lower realm once more, it was a horror story, a world of vampires. I adjusted to my new form, and instead of heading straight to my destruction as I typically did, I found Adonis instead.
“Are you enjoying the company, Villain?” He asked me with a sarcastic grin.
“I actually go by Liam now.” I responded blandly, my fear of him long ago corroded by time and countless deaths. “And yes, I’m happy for her presence.”
Adonis’ eyes filled with rage. “You are NOTHING to her. Nothing but a villain. And don’t get too comfortable, she will be leaving soon.”
“That’s up to her, isn’t it? She wasn’t too happy with you last time I checked.”
He swung his fist at my head in anger, but it was a useless move. I was a vampire in this world. Compared to me, his human form might as well be moving in slow motion. I dodged his arm easily, and knocked him to the ground.
“She doesn’t belong there!” He spat out.
"Why not?" I hoped he would say something to help me figure out how to help her.
Fortunately he obliged. “Her very nature is that of a heroine. Your realm will reject her, slowly destroy her. Just like your pathetic and evil nature keeps you alive and well in your little prison. You can’t change your nature, Villain. That evil place shares your energy, but will only drain hers until she dies.”
I felt relieved at the extra information, but also horrified at the same time. “You do remember that you were the one to put her in that realm, right? Were you trying to kill her?!”
Adonis smiled. “She just needed a little reminder of who she is, and what she needs to do.”
“And what is that?”
“She needs to accept her fate.”
At his words, I reached out, grabbing his neck and lifting him off the ground. My nails pierced the skin of his neck, his blood dripped down my hand onto the floor and I felt my fangs pierce my gums, preparing to feed. I held back though, not wanting to taste his blood. It smells terrible. I assume the energy within must be very contaminated by his self-absorbed soul and ruthless nature. I thought, my brain slowly making a connection.
Wait… if blood carries energy, and the essence of one’s nature… Then I might have a way to help Bel.
Even as I felt excited about this revelation, I felt a sharp pain in my back. I turned, just in time to see the heroine of the story holding a stake, stabbing it through to my heart.
Adonis laughed as my hand released him and I stumbled backwards, clutching at my chest. “See, monster? The heroine will only ever despise you and kill you if she can.”
“That’s not Bel.” I muttered, feeling my life fade from me. “That woman is a character from this world.”
“Bel IS the heroine, Villain, she will be the prototype from which all heroines will derive their fate. She can only be the heroine.  Just like you can only be a monster. She will never stay by your side." He stepped closer. "I’m just waiting for her to realize the truth of what you are and what she is. And then she’ll return to me. Return to where she belongs.”
The last thing I saw in this realm was his confident smile, and the heroine’s blank uncaring stare.
I died painfully in that realm, but it gave me an idea. I fed her my dragon blood, filled with the same energy as the realm that imprisoned us. It sustained her briefly, but I worried that it was only delaying the inevitable.
We spent the time together, getting to know each other better. She was kind, curious, outspoken. She found the humor in everything, and slowly I found myself joking alongside her. A deep certainty grew within me.
She was my treasure.
Just like my Grandpa said. Not an object, not something that could be owned. My heart belonged to her. I, who had lost any home since the destruction of my own world, had found it: by her side.
I took a chance, showed her my true self, my heart in my throat the entire time as her eyes studied my dragon form.
She smiled, and the love I felt was overwhelming. I was drowning in it. For the first time in a long time, I felt that I was something more than just a villain, a monster.
I was a dragon, and she was my treasure. I would protect her with my life, protect her happiness, no matter what.
_______________________________
But our story, at least the first time around, was not one with a happy ending, but a tragedy.
I proposed. Asked her to marry me in the mermaid realm. She agreed, and we had a wedding. She had made a deal with the sea witch to marry her true love, and at the moment we said “I do” her mission was complete.
We returned to my prison, to my realm.
And she was dying.
I felt my heart dying with her. A part of me wanted to force her to return to the Higher Realm, to be safe. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t ask her to buy her safety with her freedom. I could only allow her to make her own choice, and stay by her side. I remembered vaguely my grandfather telling me about my grandmother’s death. And I understood. I couldn’t resume my hopeless lonely existence I couldn’t continue without her.
I would stay with her, and I would die with her.
But the end I expected didn’t come. The System made a deal with her and I watched on, holding my breath, as she agreed. And as she disappeared, I panicked.
“LET ME FOLLOW HER!”
The System studied me, looking at me closely without emotion or curiosity. It was as if it was solving a mathematical equation that I was a part of.
SHE HAS MADE A DEAL, YOU CANNOT FOLLOW HER.
“I’ll make a deal too! Take anything you want, please just let me follow, let me protect her!”  My heart, my soul was tearing in two, she was so far from me, and she was in danger.
YOU HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER.
“You can have ME! You can have your perfect villain! I’ll play my role, I’ll never once step out of line or rush to the end! You can have the puppet you always wanted.”
... YOU WOULD SACRIFICE YOUR FREE WILL?
I didn't hesitate.
“For her? Anything.”
Words scrolled in front of me. The deal the System offered. I would be allowed no memories, but I could follow her to every world. I wasn’t worried about not remembering her. She was part of my soul, my treasure. I could no more harm her than I could rip my own heart from my chest. But the cost.
Oh, the cost.
It was a deal with the devil, but still I considered it. The System, sensing my hesitation, spoke again.
SHE HAS COMPLETED FIVE WORLDS ALREADY… BUT WITHOUT PURPOSE SHE IS IGNORING THE POWER AVAILABLE TO HER. HER WILL IS FALTERING. CALCULATED CHANCE OF SUCCESS IS LESS THAN ONE PERCENT.
“If I take this deal and help her? Does it improve her chances?”
UNKNOWN. SIX WORLDS.
I felt my soul tearing apart. The System was demanding I put not just my freedom and will on the line, but countless worlds that I had saved before. If I agreed, I would have no defense. I would be the monster, the villain that Adonis called me.
Not Bel’s Liam.
The System’s monster.
SHE IS STARTING THE ELEVENTH WORLD. AT CURRENT CALCULATIONS, SHE WILL GIVE UP IN THE TWELFTH. THE DEAL WILL BE SUCCESSFUL, AND ALTHOUGH YOUR OFFER TO HAVE A PERFECT VILLAIN WOULD GREATLY SIMPLIFY THE PROCESS... YOU CAN BE REPLACED. YOU ARE UNNECESSARY. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO ACCEPT.
Bel needed me. I had a choice, and I willingly made it. And even if I damned my soul for eternity, I would burn happily for her safety.
I pressed “Yes”.
_______________________________
“Every dragon has a treasure.”
A young child sat in front of me in the park, his eyes wide with wonder. His dark hair resembled my own, but his eyes…
His eyes were just like his mother’s.
“Like pirate treasure?!” He asked excitedly, and I couldn’t help but laugh, remembering a long ago conversation with my grandfather.
“No, much better than that! A dragon’s treasure can’t be owned, because it is the treasure who owns the dragon’s heart. The truest home a dragon can have is by his treasure’s side. And so, we dragons protect our treasures with their lives.”
“Wow! Do YOU have a treasure, Dad?”
At his question, I looked over to the side, where Bel and our other three children were. They were sneaking up on a couple sitting on a park bench, a handsome man in a suit, speaking to a young woman wearing a loosely fitted dress.
“I'm sorry but I have to go." The man said dramatically.
"Where are you going?! And why?"
"I can’t tell you what’s going on, Penny!”
“Why not?!” The woman he called Penny cried. “Please, Charles, Don't leave! You don’t understand, I really need you here! What’s going on? Just talk to me!”
 “It’s for your own protection.” He paused. “Wait, why do you really need me here? Is something going on?”
Penny looked away. “Never mind.”
“STOP RIGHT THERE!”
PSST!
Our little girl, Hannah, raced forward with her sister Selina and her brother Adam, all wielding small spray bottles.
“Who are you…?” Charles tried to ask, only to be pushed down in his seat by the horde of children.
“You two have terrible communication skills!” Hannah put her hands on her hips, glaring at the male and female leads. “And at this rate you two are headed towards a bad end.”
“What?” Penny shook her head. “We communicate just fine!”
“If that is what you think good communication is, I hate to see what you think bad looks like!” Adam rolled his eyes. “Just because you both are technically speaking words in the same language does not mean you can communicate.”
“Yeah, what they said.” Selina, the quiet one of the three, finally spoke up.
“Listen you little…” Charles started to swear, but stopped, sputtering, when Selina sprayed him in the face.
PSST!
“Sorry, could you repeat that? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of the stupid coming out of your mouth.”
Charles tried to stand up, a hand raised threateningly, only to scream in pain as Bel put him into an arm lock and expressionlessly forced him back onto his bench.
“Hands to yourself, and listen to the children.”
“Why should I listen to these snot nosed brats?”
“Because even children have more common sense than you two. Also if you don’t listen I’ll just beat you both up until you agree.”
“YEAH! OUR MOM WILL BEAT YOU UP!” Hannah shouted.
“AND THEN OUR DAD WILL EAT YOU!” Adam added.
Hannah looked back at her brother, whispering. “Dad doesn’t eat people!”
He shrugged in response.  “They don’t know that.”
Selina stepped forward.
“First” She pointed at the hero. “Charles here is leaving to deal with assassin’s hired by his estranged father. They told him that if he doesn’t return home to take over the family business, they will have his love…” She pointed at Penny. “YOU… killed. He’s worried that if for some reason he doesn’t make it, that you would blame yourself. So he hopes to keep you in the dark, to protect you.”
“How did you know that?!” Charles burst out, and then looked chagrined as he realized he had confirmed her words.
“You really are trying to protect me? You’re not trying to trick or dump me?” Penny looked relieved.
“I’m sorry, Dear, I just was worried… I love you!”
“I love you too…”
PSST!
Selina sprayed Penny this time.
“What was that for?! We cleared the misunderstanding!” Penny wiped her face with hand, annoyed.
Hannah and Adam joined their sister.
“Oh really? You’ve talked about everything?”
“Not hiding any story-changing, unnecessary secrets?”
Penny paused, looking guilty. Charles panicked, holding her hand. “What is it? No matter what, we’ll face it together!”
“Like you were going to face your family?”
“… Sorry.”
“it’s okay. I’ve been hiding a secret too.” She glanced over at the three bright eyed children and their brandished water dispensers with a shudder. “...I’m pregnant.”
“…” Charles sat back, obviously shocked.
“I knew you wouldn’t be happy!” With a cry, Penny tried to run away.
PSST!
All three children sprayed her back down into her seat.
“Nice try, heroine, but avoiding difficult conversations and living in unnecessary misunderstandings isn’t gonna happen around us!” Hannah smiled, the expression strangely threatening for a child.
“Fine.” She timidly stared at the hero. “What are you thinking?”
Charles stood up, and wordlessly hugged Penny into his arms. “I love you!” He spun her around in a circle, and then panicked, setting her down gently. “I’m sorry! I picked you up while you’re pregnant! Is our baby okay?! Should I take you to the hospital?!”
Penny laughed. “Baby and I are fine.”
He hugged her again, this time very gently. “I won’t leave you. We’ll face everything: this pregnancy, our families… side by side.” He knelt down in front of her. “Marry me?”
“We’re already married?”
“That was an arranged marriage, let’s get married because WE want to!”
“YES!” The two hugged again, while the three children and Bel looked on approvingly, with polite applause.
“Not bad." Adam commented.
"Yeah, some good listening, some compromise…” Hannah added.
“They’re still both idiots.” Selina muttered under her breath, and then forced a smile. “I mean, good job!” She gave a halfhearted thumbs up, which the other two mimicked.
“Um… thanks.” The hero and heroine paused, staring confused at the three. “Who are you guys? And how do you know so much about us?”
The children took a fancy pose. “We’re the Hero Rehabilitation Unit! Although we’re missing our other brother who’s over there with our dad!” Hannah pointed at us. “He’s a big villain dragon and is awesome! Our Mom is an almighty inhuman existence that can travel to infinite worlds!”
“What…?
Bel pulled them away. “Just ignore us, and don’t keep secrets from each other from now on! Communication is the key to a healthy marriage!”
“Mom! You were supposed to pose with us!”
“I never agreed to that!”
I watched my wife argue with our children, once again feeling relieved again that she had taken this whole: having-four-children-at-once thing in stride. We hadn’t been sure what to expect, given our different natures. But four eggs all at once… was definitely still a shock.
After the hatching, we had moved back to the vampire world that we had been before. Selina the familiar was a godsend during those crazy first months. Watching her quip and sarcasm her way through four newborns, including her namesake, had been entertaining. Although her sense of humor definitely had rubbed off on the kids.
And now they have grown. However, being half-dragon, half-immortal System, they aged a bit slowly. At least they could all freely change between dragon and human forms since birth, unlike a full-blooded dragon like myself who could only change at adulthood.
Bel saw me staring, and gave me a smile. The love I saw in the expression made my heart beat faster. I loved my wife more every day. Although I HAD been worried at first, after the System and Adonis had been defeated. She and I both knew the deal I made, what I had done to follow her. I was terrified that she might leave me now that she knew everything. She could have shunned me, never saw me again, and I wouldn't have blamed her for it. Her response at the time, instead, had healed my fractured soul.
"When I look at you, Liam, I don't see a hero or a villain. You agreed to the System's deal, yes. You risked countless worlds, putting my safety in front of all of their lives. But if you hadn't, I would have failed, and the whole universe would still be heading for destruction. Some may judge us, some may agree with us. All I can say is, given the same choice as you... I would do the same."
I still felt guilty at times, but as I traveled the realms with my wife and children, saving worlds. I slowly made peace with the past. No one would be enslaved by fate again. We would save realms like my home world from destruction. Just like my grandfather wished, we lived out our days with joy and peace. I hoped our happiness would allow my grandfather's soul to rest.
I smiled back at Bel.
“Dad!” My son Kellen called my attention again. “You didn’t answer my question! Do you have a treasure?”
I smiled at him, and then nodded and pointed over at his mother, Bel.
My wife. My love. My heart. My home.
My treasure.
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c0ry-c0nvoluted · 5 months
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Cover art from ARIEL DIAZ, JENNY FRISON, JULIAN TOTINO TEDESCO, and WARREN LOUW
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nullphysics · 1 year
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thefiresofpompeii · 24 days
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i hope ruby gets a well-that’s-alright-then-style notdeath. on the one hand it will make haters mad because oh no not another companion with an impermanent end (and i like to see haters mad) on the other it would require creativity to depict this in a new way + i love all the implications i love the dark fairytale quality of these companion exits i love my un-undead schrodinger’s women
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with the way the legend of ruby sunday is titled… legends aren’t usually told about living people. legends are stories of the bygone past, of an age long since over, fictionalised and overgrown with folklore like barnacles sticking to an abandoned shell. there is such a thing as a living legend, but they’re exceedingly rare. the unmistakeable raven’s call in the 73 yards teaser, the trailer’s cut to fifteen crying alone after promising to cherry he’d protect her daughter… the foreshadowing is clear as day…
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and yet. there’s one massive HOWEVER. ruby appears in s15: millie’s been spotted on set filming it. which leads me to believe — the doctor isn’t one to take the time travel route and revisit companions that in his future are genuinely dead. that would hurt too much, it would cause unnecessary trauma and could break the timeline. that must mean ruby stays alive in some way. ish. she’s alive and a legend and a mystery. girl-ballad girl-song girl-paradox
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here she is, fading out.
p.s.: thesis statement on moffatgirls from the tags i left on somebody else’s post about charley pollard.. well it belongs here since it’s basically the semiotic hurricane swirling around ruby at the moment :)
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#on a personal level what interests me about these characters is precisely what gets them labeled as being subject to#misogynistic writing by pop-feminist video-essayists. as an autistic girl* (*ish) however; i find female characters that#aren’t quite ‘normal people’; women who represent an idea or concept or are a puzzle to be solved or a manic pixie dream girl to be#more and in a way far more interesting than a girl-next-door-type universally relatable protagonist#they make for more nuanced stories with more symbolism and more layers of interpretation usually. why should there be realism in a#fantastical narrative? similarly i like characters that are haunting the narrative or dead before it began (big locked tomb fan if you#didn’t know) and like. not to be tvtropes but the lost lenore archetype. dead woman who spurs the hero on to recklessness or revenge.#i identify with that dead girl. the laura palmers of the world. set the story in motion without#necessarily having agency. maybe it’s something to do with my#constant background radiation of passive suicidality. in a fun whimsical way :) i would never kill myself but i don’t want to be a real#person. i want to be objectified but not necessarily in a k*nky s*xual way (that too) in a princess in a tower way#the ultimate femme fantasy innit? there’s something about it. hashtag problematic hashtag conforming to gender roles#10000 tags be upon ye#ruby sunday#millie gibson#doctor who#dw#steven moffat#clara oswald#fifteen#fifteenth doctor#twelveclara#amy pond#charley pollard#river song#donna noble#ncuti gatwa#doctor who meta#jamie.txt#haunting
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crushedsweets · 9 months
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Hello! I love your artwork designs! I would like a request Judge Angels, and Suicide Sadie in fantasy AU. I can’t wait to see my girls in your art!
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Hiii ok Dina’s another cleric and Sadie’s just a ghost girl who roams the kingdom !!
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