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incognit0slut · 7 months

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BATTLE SCARS

Part 2 of kinktober | main masterlist

What started out as innocently counting body scars with your coworker, who you were stuck in the same bed with, ended far from being innocent.

sub!spencer x fem!reader; Face sitting, male and female oral, body worship, cockwarming

words: 6,300 (I couldn’t help it the buildup was fun to write)

a/n: I hope this shows up on your page because apparently this app hates me

"THERE’S ONLY ONE ROOM LEFT."

Of course, there is, you thought, eyes glancing over to your partner of the day. Spencer was the one you were partnered with when Hotch had sent you to check on the victim's childhood home. He's good at deducing clues, was what your unit chief had said, and although those words were well-intentioned, you couldn't help but feel slightly dejected.

One month of working in the BAU meant that everyone would scrutinize you, even when you knew you were more than capable of doing the job. It wasn't like you were randomly picked for this position. You went through the same process as everyone else did. You were as smart as everyone was but it seemed that your boss still thought you needed a babysitter to do this simple task.

One month of working as the latest addition to the team also meant you didn't know your colleagues that well, which was why you wondered what was going through Spencer's mind in this current predicament. What did he think of the sudden thunderstorm hitting this remote town just as you were about to leave? What did he feel about having to seek shelter because driving in this terrible condition wasn't a choice anymore?

And what ran through his mind when the guy behind the counter, who looked like he didn't even want to be here in the first place, said there was only one room left?

"Are you sure?" Your coworker pressed on, eyes darting across the computer screen sitting on the desk. "Did you check every room? All of them?"

The man in front of him quirked an eyebrow. "Are you saying I'm not doing my job right?"

"No, he's not," you cut in. You glanced at Spencer, noticing he was constantly fidgeting on his feet. You might not know him well enough, but you were a profiler, and with the way he kept shifting his weight from one leg to another, you could tell he was uncomfortable with the situation. You wondered what had him so worked up like this. Was it the idea of having to spend the night with a woman?

Well, he did seem like the type of guy who didn't have his fair share of nights with the opposite sex, but then again, you weren't going to start guessing his personal life. Although you did once see him act all bashful in front of a witness who, you had to admit, was the epitome of sweet and innocent. Her traits were probably on the top list of his preferred type, exactly the opposite of yours.

Huh.

So was it just the idea of spending the night with you that ticked him off?

"It's fine," you said, looking back at—you narrowed your eyes at the name tag clipped on his shirt—Kevin. His name was Kevin. "We'll take it."

Spencer's eyes fell on you. "But—"

"But it's pouring outside and neither of us should be driving in this horrible weather," you added. "End of discussion."

He looked like he was about to retort a reply when a sudden string of light cackled through the night sky, followed by another heavy downpour. He winced as his shoulders slumped, another posture of discomfort but one with a hint of defeat. You saw him reluctantly nod from the corner of your eyes.

"Alright," he finally said. "We'll take it."

Kevin slid a key across the wooden desk. "Room 306."

You thanked him and grabbed onto the key before turning on your heels. The walk to the room was extremely quiet except for the constant sound of the rain pouring outside. Spencer shuffled his feet beside you, and even though you wanted to fill in the silence, the thought of him not wanting to room with you annoyed you more than you wanted to admit.

Were you really that bad? Was the idea of sharing a room with you repulsive for him to act this way?

When you finally reached your shared room, an immediate sense of awkwardness washed over you like an unexpected wave. The room, though not large, was well-furnished and neat. But what caught your attention was the sight that greeted you in the dimly lit space. In the center of the room was a bed—not large enough to be luxurious, yet not small enough to be cozy.

Your eyes met briefly with his and a moment of unease passed between you two. Finally, he broke the silence with a hesitant voice. "I can sleep in the car."

You couldn't help but roll your eyes at his suggestion. "It's pouring outside."

"Right." He sighed, realizing the impracticality of his proposal. "Well, then I'll, uh, sleep on the floor."

"Reid." Your narrowed eyes fixed on him, your patience wearing thin. "The bed is big enough for the both of us. I don't mind sharing."

He paused, clearly taken aback by your straightforward response. "A-Are you sure?"

"I wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't," you replied, showing your back to him. "I'm going to use the bathroom first."

"U-uh, yes. Sure. Of course," he stammered, his voice trailing off as he watched you leave the room.

You retreated to the bathroom, closing the door behind you with a soft click. As you washed your hands and splashed some cool water on your face, you couldn't help but wonder what had led to his initial hesitance. The storm outside was fierce, and the idea of venturing into it to sleep in the car or on the floor seemed impractical, to say the least. You knew that sharing the bed was the most sensible option, but there was an unspoken tension in the room, and you couldn't quite put your finger on why he had been so reluctant.

Turning off the tap, you took a deep breath. Whatever. He could act all uncomfortable as much as he wanted and you could pretend he wasn't even there. So you decided to shed your jeans, leaving yourself in the oversized button-up shirt that served as your makeshift nightwear.

The shirt fell gracefully to the middle of your thighs, offering a sense of ease you couldn't find in your uncomfortable jeans. With them neatly folded and placed on the bathroom counter, you looked back into the mirror one last time, straightening your wrinkled shirt, and ran a hand through your hair before stepping back into the room.

You found him seated on the edge of the bed, his posture awkward and uncertain. You watched as he shifted uncomfortably, his gaze darting toward the single window in the shared space, his eyes narrowing each time a particularly strong gust of wind rattled the pane.

You decided to break the silence. "You know, it's just a little rain. We'll be out of here as soon as the weather clears up tomorrow."

His gaze finally met yours, and you saw a mixture of frustration and something else, something deeper, in his eyes. "It's not about the rain," he replied, his voice laced with a hint of exasperation.

So it really was about you.

His gaze then traveled over your exposed skin, and you could see his eyes growing wide, clearly taken aback by your choice of attire. "W- What are you wearing?"

Unable to suppress a chuckle at his sudden shift in demeanor, you decided to play along. "Do you mean what I'm not wearing?"

He blinked, his response caught in his throat, leaving him momentarily speechless. His gaping mouth and wide-eyed expression only fueled your amusement. You shrugged in response, trying to play off his intense gaze, but you felt his eyes linger on your thigh, fixated on the long scar mapping along your skin.

"Reid," you called out, and he looked up at you, his expression wry as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn't have been.

"Y-yes?" he stammered, clearly flustered by being caught in the act.

You pointed toward the bathroom. "You can use it now," you suggested.

His face lit up with realization. "Oh! Right," he exclaimed, his flustered state evident as he stumbled on his way to the bathroom.

The awkwardness seemed to follow him as he disappeared into the other room. After turning off the main lights, you left only the soft glow of the bed lamp, which cast a warm ambiance in the room. The covers provided a sense of security and comfort as you finally settled beneath them.

A few minutes later, he emerged from the bathroom, dressed in a white shirt he seemed to wear under his button-down shirt. However, unlike you, he still had his pants on, although he did discard his belt.

Seeing him in this stripped-down, casual state was a bizarre sight. You had grown accustomed to his poised and professional demeanor, and the sight of him dressed in ordinary clothes seemed oddly intimate as if you were witnessing a side of him that few others had seen. It was as if you were seeing him naked even when he was still covered in most of his clothes.

He then settled onto the bed with a noticeable awkwardness, causing the mattress to sink down slightly under his weight. He lay far away from you, in a stiff and distant manner, clearly still grappling with the awkwardness of the situation.

"Reid, relax, I'm not going to bite you," you said reassuringly, trying to dispel some of the tension in the room. A small, playful smile danced on your lips. "Unless that's what you want me to do," you added, your voice taking on a teasing note.

A brief moment of silence followed, and it almost seemed as if he was contemplating your playful offer. You felt the tension shift into something else, but before it could further linger, you decided to break the silence with a forced laugh, shaking off the tension. You then rolled over to your side, closing your eyes shut, ignoring the sound of heavy rain hitting the window and the bolt of lightning occasionally flashing through the sky. You just wanted to rest. You just wanted peace. You wanted to sleep.

But sleep didn't want you.

About ten minutes later, you groaned softly and rolled over onto your back. "Reid," you said, breaking the silence.

He hummed in response.

"I can't sleep," you confessed, your voice carrying a hint of restlessness. Turning to face him, you propped yourself up on your elbow. "Tell me something about yourself," you suddenly requested, your curiosity cutting through the awkwardness.

He hesitated for a moment as if considering whether he should respond to you or not, but then he eventually asked, "Anything?"

"Anything."

"Well, I—uh," he cut off, and with a faint hint of modesty, he began again. "I'm extremely smart."

From all the information he could share, he decided to share that. But it was still something, at least you could get your coworker to talk instead of fidgeting in discomfort. "Yeah? How smart?"

"Well, I have an IQ of 187 and three PhDs."

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. "That's impressive," you responded, but then you let out a scoff. "And extremely conceited. Someone asks you to share a fact about yourself and you decide to brag about your brain."

Your remark earned you a small, amused smile from him. "You told me to share anything."

With a mischievous glint in your eye, you leaned in a little closer. "Alright, your turn."

He gulped at your sudden movement but kept his attention on your eyes. "My turn for what?"

You laid on your back again. "Ask me something," you suggested.

There was a moment of hesitation as if he had been contemplating whether to ask the question and then his voice filled the air. "What happened to you?"

"What do you mean?" You asked, your brows furrowed slightly.

"Y-Your scar."

You couldn't resist a teasing tone as you turned your head toward him. "Spencer Reid," you taunted, a playful glint in your eye. "Were you checking me out?"

His response was quick and slightly flustered. "What? No!" He cleared his throat awkwardly. "It was a mere observation," he clarified, his cheeks tinged with a faint blush.

Your laughter filled the room, a light, and genuine sound that seemed to dissolve some of the remaining tension in the air. "Alright, alright," you conceded, still amused by the exchange. "Observation duly noted."

Without warning, you kicked off the covers, a spontaneous decision driven by a mix of curiosity and the playful atmosphere that had developed between you. Your actions were unanticipated, even to yourself, but perhaps it was his flustered self that had spurred you on.

As the covers fell to the side, you extended your leg, showing him the white scar dancing along the inner part of your thigh. His eyes widened in surprise, his gaze drawn to your exposed skin. For a moment, there was silence, as if the room held its breath, and then he met your eyes.

"Fell off a cliff from a hiking trip," you explained, your voice softening with the memory. "I was exploring a trail and had a bit of a mishap. It left me with this scar as a souvenir."

His eyes flickered over the scar. "Did it hurt?"

You shrugged. "It did, but I guess I got through it."

Then, to his surprise, you began to unbutton your shirt. His eyes widened in disbelief at your actions. "W-what are you doing?"

You merely grinned in response, your confidence unwavering. You pushed the material of your shirt off your shoulder, revealing another scar, smaller and darker than the one on your thigh. "This is the most painful one," you explained. "A bullet from a handgun."

He examined the scar intently. "What happened?"

"A chase with a suspect a few years ago," you recounted, recalling your life before you joined the BAU. "We cornered the suspect in an abandoned warehouse, it was a tense standoff. He was armed, and in the chaos of the moment, a shot was fired." You gave him a smile. "I was the unlucky one in the way."

Your eyes locked with one another in a moment of shared understanding, and then you asked, "What about you? Any battle scars?"

He paused for a moment, considering your question. He seemed hesitant at first as if debating whether to share, but then he slowly lifted his shirt, revealing a scar on his lower abdomen. "Flying bullet."

He turned slightly, revealing a slight scar on his lower back, the result of a sharp weapon grazing his skin. It was a subtle yet significant mark. "An Unsub armed with a knife." He then laid back on his back again and tapped his right leg. "There's another scar from a bullet on my knee."

You couldn't help but tease him lightly, your tone playful. "Well, aren't you a magnet for disaster?"

His expression softened at your teasing. You stared at each other silently, taking in each other's presence in the close proximity the bed offered. You weren't sure how, or when for the matter, but it seemed the distance you both created grew shorter in the span of time you were talking.

Your gaze drifted over his features, from his brown orbs to his pointed nose, then along his high cheekbones before settling on the small scar underneath his jawline. It was a subtle mark, but it caught your attention, and you couldn't resist reaching out to gently touch it.

"What about this?" you inquired, your finger tracing the scar. "How did you get it?"

His breath seemed to catch at your sudden touch, and he stammered slightly in response, "I-I cut myself with a razor this morning."

You couldn't help but chuckle at his explanation, and your finger continued to graze his skin, skimming along the faded scar in a circular motion. "And how bad did it hurt?" you asked.

"Not so much," he whispered, his breathing starting to become uneven and it was at that moment you realized how compromising of a position you were in. He was on his back, and somehow you managed to press yourself onto him with a leg resting on his, your hips flushed against his side.

Maybe the rain, the rhythmic pattern of the raindrops beating in synchronized with your heart pushed your actions. Or perhaps it was being in the same bed. Whatever it was, the undeniable proximity between you created a charged atmosphere in the room. Every breath felt heavy, and the air seemed to thicken with unspoken tension, drawing you even closer.

You wanted to kiss him. How could you not when he was looking at you with those eyes? It was hard to ignore this sudden pull of attraction, but Spencer seemed like the type of guy who rarely made the first move. Maybe you needed to initiate it first.

"You know..." you began, your eyes trailing across his tiny scar. "I was thinking of kissing it better?" Your words hung in the air, and you felt him stiffen beside you. "If it was painful, that is."

A charged silence enveloped the room after your suggestive offer. Your heart raced, taking a leap at the first step in crossing the line. He could either play along or push you away, it was a risk you were willing to take, and you prayed he was into it just as you were.

"A- Actually," he stuttered. "I think I'm starting to feel the pain now."

You bit your bottom lip to stop yourself from smiling. "Oh, you poor thing." And before he could respond, you bent over and pressed your soft lips against his scar. You felt him momentarily freeze. "Better?"

You thought he was about to back away when he didn't answer, but then his words had you grinning from ear to ear.

"...I'm not sure," he replied, his voice cutting through the silence. "I think it still hurts?"

Your smile grazed his scar again, softly, barely even touching it, before you trailed down his jawline, stopping on the crook of his neck.

"I.." He breathed out, his voice sounding strangled as you felt his grip on your hip. "I-I don't think that's where the scar is."

"I know." You opened your mouth, your tongue slightly tasting his skin. "I'm making a scar of my own."

Your parted lips were hot against his skin, his eyes fluttering close as you softly sucked on the spot below his ear. You always loved receiving neck kisses, but giving them? There was a certain sense of power to be able to make someone shiver under you, and it was what he was doing right now, breath hitching every time you sucked on a different spot.

You cupped his face as you continued to trail your lips along his neck, pressing your body closer to his. You moved your hand lower, fingers grazing his jawline before it rested around his throat, and as you put slight pressure on your hold, you heard him inhale sharply. You paused, not sure you were hearing right, but then you tightened your grip around his neck and a soft, strangled moan escaped his lips.

You smiled.

Spencer Reid, you naughty, kinky boy.

"We can stop if you want," you murmured against his skin because truthfully, you knew you couldn't restrain yourself after this.

"N- no," he sighed. "Don't stop."

It was enough for you to throw your leg over him. You lifted yourself up and straddled his lower half, stifling a moan as you felt the hard pressure between your thighs, and pressed your lips against his. You couldn't stop yourself from kissing him with so much fervor. Your lips collided with his as you pushed your tongue inside his opened mouth—tasting him, exploring him, devouring him. Who would've thought you would enjoy kissing your coworker this much?

You pulled away and studied him. Spencer was a blessing to witness. His eyes were heavy and hooded, his hair was disheveled with some strands stuck to his forehead and his lips were swollen and parted as he breathed slowly through them. His pale complexion bore the marks of a flush and you couldn't stop yourself from pushing away a strand of hair from his face.

"You're so pretty." Those words came out of your mouth without much thought in which you received a breathless sigh in return.

"You're.... you're more pretty."

You giggled and ran your fingers through his hair. "You understand I'm not going to stop now, right?" He faintly nodded. "And do you know what that means?"

He shook his head.

"It means I'm going to fuck you," you taunted, a wicked smile curling on your lips. "I'm going to fuck you so hard you won't be able to use that smart brain of yours.”

The whine flying out of his mouth was enough for you to lean in closer, your lips extremely close to his but not quite touching. "Can I be rough?" His strangled whimper had you wrapping your hand around his throat again. "Use your words, baby."

"Y-yes," he breathed out. "Please."

"Good."

You pulled your hand back and brought it down sharply on his cheek. The sound startled you because it sounded harder than it felt, ringing out loud with only the faintest sting on your palm.

Spencer looked genuinely surprised. His head turned with the impact of the slap, jaw falling open. He blinked himself back into focus and you were about to ask if you were being too much, but then he looked at you in a way he had never looked at you before. The dazed and desperation of his gaze moved right through you, flushing you with heat.

"Such a pretty boy for me," you said, gently rubbing his cheek. You watched him, a curious smile playing at the corners of your lips. In that moment, you felt a peculiar sense of power and intimacy that was unlike any other you had experienced. It was an odd but exhilarating sensation, feeling an almost illicit delight in the power you held over him.

You then slowly straightened yourself. Taking your time, you began to unbutton your shirt as his gaze burned into you. You popped each button open until it left the sight of your black, laced bra on display for his eyes to devour. Your bra showed a hint of skin over the top, bouncing a little as you pulled yourself out of your shirt.

You reached behind your back to unhook your bra before slipping it from your shoulders, allowing your breasts to bounce free. Spencer couldn't help but swipe his tongue across his lips at the sight. Your breasts were on display with hardened, aching nipples to taunt him. You brought them in your palms, playing and squeezing your flesh for a moment just to tease him.

"Do you want to taste me?"

He let out a desperate sigh. "Please."

You placed the palm of your hands on his chest before leaning in, dropping your breasts right in front of his face. It didn't take him long to know what you wanted, and he quickly wrapped your right nipple in his mouth, his tongue hot against your skin.

"Fuck, Spencer," you moaned. You shivered upon the contact. His mouth sucking on your nipple was making your head delirious. Warmth spiraled from your core to the rest of your body as he tasted you, and when you thought you couldn't feel more aroused than you already were, he let go of your swollen nipple just to give his attention to the other one, sucking even harder.

You couldn't handle it anymore. A moment later your fingers ran down his chest, brushing over his stomach to feel him tense beneath your touch until the second you grip the hem of his pants. "Take these off for me."

You had never seen someone move so fast before. The moment you climbed off the bed, he started peeling his clothes from his body piece by piece. He left no article on before throwing his clothes to the floor, eyes raking your body as you stood before him in nothing but your panties. Those were quick to go, however. You pushed them down your hips and flicked the thin fabric past your feet.

A strained groan filled his chest as he looked at you, marveling at your naked form with wonder. Thoughtlessly he wrapped a hand around the base of his hardened cock and your eyes instantly take in the sight. The way he was biting his bottom lip, fingers around his thick, hard length had your mouth watering, but you stopped yourself from giving in.

"Who said you could touch yourself?"

His body tensed. He quickly placed his hands on the bed as you climbed back on the bed, the mattress sinking in from your weight.

“I like to be warmed up a little first," you told him as you settled on top of him again, but this time, you scooted further, putting your knees on either side of his head. Spencer's eyes went wide as he looked up to see you wet and bare, hovering inches away from his face.

"I'm going to sit on your face, and if you can make me come on your tongue..." You started to lower yourself. "I'll give you your reward."

You felt his breath on your center, and the minute his tongue touched you, you let out a moan. He worked his tongue over your clit, swallowing every drop of arousal dripping down his mouth. You gripped the headboard and rocked yourself back and forth while he continued to lap on your pussy without any care for the mess you made. You were wet and sloppy as his tongue moved in and out of you, up and down your folds while also sucking on your swollen clit.

"Oh my god," you moaned, looking down at where you could see the top of his face, his eyes closed as he groaned on your flesh, wrapping his arm around your thighs while never stopping stroking your wetness with his tongue. He held you tight, keeping you in place, and there was nothing else you could do but buck your hips as you ran your hands through his hair and tugged on the strands, receiving a deep, rough yet excited groan from him.

You exhaled his name, not being able to find the words or the breath in you to speak as you felt the familiar coil in your stomach. He flicked his tongue over your clit a few times before gathering up your juices and circling back to the swollen bud, massaging your flesh with the flat of his tongue. You felt the bliss swelling inside your body. You knew you wouldn't last much longer.

"I'm getting close," you warned him, beginning to grind your pussy against his mouth. He groaned against your flesh, sending vibrations through your body in return, and with a few more laps around your clit, you finally reached your high.

You felt the warmth from between your legs surge through your whole body. Your pussy walls tightened as you kept rocking your hips against him, whimpering, moaning, crying out that you were coming. You shivered and trembled above him, tossing your head back, gripping his hair even tighter, and pressing your thighs together around his head.

It took a moment for you to come down from your orgasm, and as you did, his motions slowed down, licking you gently, his hands soothing down your thighs. You finally lift your hips off his face, hovering above him on shaky thighs.

"You did so well," you cooed. You slowly shifted down his body, and when he thought you were about to straddle him again, you surprised him by moving lower.

“Let me give you your reward." You sighed while wrapping your fingers around the base of his cock in a firm grip. "You deserve it."

He felt so hot in your hand, so thick, so big, and utterly beautiful. You slowly moved your hand along his length, stroking him gently as you watched his lips parting open from the pleasure. You continued to stroke him, motions slow and steady, and he eventually closed his eyes, head falling back against the bed. You swiped your thumb across the tip, his eyes shot open as he looked at you.

"Keep your eyes on me."

He carefully propped himself on his elbows to get a better view just as you gripped him tighter while leaning close. The droplet of wetness on the tip looked too nice to be ignored so you leaned in and licked it up, your eyes meeting his gaze, and his jaw slacked open in pure pleasure. A pause settled in the room before you finally took him fully in your mouth, giving him an exploratory suck.

You kept swallowing him down, your jaw stretching wide as you struggled to get every inch of him inside your mouth, wrapping your hand around what was left. You hollowed your cheeks and greedily inhaled him. His smooth, warm length slid across your tongue and his cock hit the back of your throat.

Without warning his hips jerked up, and you gagged, rearing back off with a cough, eyes watering. "I'm s-sorry," he apologized.

"It's okay, baby, I'm giving you your reward," you whispered before holding his throbbing cock in your grip again. "Hold my hair up for me?"

He did exactly as he was told, gathering your hair in his hands. Your mouth enclosed around him again and you repeated the movement, trailing down his cock with your tongue, hands twisting back and forth, lips sliding back down until you had every inch of him in your mouth.

You glanced up at him, brow-raising mischievously as you moved your head in a rapid motion. He panted out a whine, his chest heaving as he inhaled a lung full of desperately needed air.

"Please..." he whimpered, bucking up ever so slightly. His cheeks burned at the sound of his own desperation. You gazed up at him, entranced by his sweat-slicked, heaving body, so pretty and needy. He blinked down at you, your cheeks flushed and lips stretched wide, an utterly obscene sight as you kept swallowing the entire length of him.

And then you felt him starting to shake, his body trembling while the grip on your hair tightened at every stroke of your tongue. You could tell he was on the brink of exploding, yet you didn't want him to finish inside your mouth, so you pulled away just as quickly as you began.

You could tell he was about to whine a protest, but he immediately stopped himself as you climbed on his lap, gripping his cock in your hand and guiding it towards your aching pussy. But then you stopped, eyes meeting with his, your voice softening. "Should I use a condom?"

"You can..." he mumbled as if it was hard to even articulate any words when his tip was already brushing against your wetness. "You can do whatever you want."

You lingered for a moment, grinding yourself against the tip of him, getting wetter as your arousal dripped out. "I want to feel you."

The whimper he let out was loud, almost pornographic. "I want to feel you too."

Then you began to slide his cock into you, slowly, taking your time to draw the moment out. Your body went tense in an instant, you could hardly handle the way his size was pushing into you.

"Fuck, you're stretching me," you moaned the words, tossing your head back while closing your eyes. The content sigh leaving your lips was loud when his tip finally hit that soft spot. You had never felt this full before and you wanted to soak in the way he was filling you so deep, so you buried your face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent as you sit there with his cock stuffed inside of you.

For you, it felt nice, but for him, it was torture. As warm as you were, as tight as you clenched him, he still needed more. With urgency, he reached for your body before his eager hands landed on your hips, a groan of desperation built in his throat as you stayed there, not moving a muscle. "Can... can you move?"

You kissed a spot below his ear. "Why should I?"

"I-I..."

"Use your words, baby. Tell me what you want." Your tone was soft, but you didn't drop the entirety of your dominance. "Do you want me to ride you? Is that it? You want me to fuck you senseless?"

"Yes," he rasped out as if he had been holding his breath. "Please..."

You gripped him by the throat. "Say it."

"Pl-please fuck me," he gasped, gulping for air.

You smiled.

"Good boy," you replied. You began moving against his cock, grinding yourself over his lap, feeling him fill you up and hit deep inside you. It was almost too much but you remained focused. Your palms pressed to his shoulders as you pushed yourself up, moving your hips against his body.

He could feel you squeezing him. Every roll of your hips, every flutter of your walls, and every moan that rumbled from your chest. His huge palms wandered over the small planes of your back, caressing every dip and roll of your body. His eyes glazed over to where you were connected, the sight of your pussy clenching around every inch of him lulled him into a bewitching trance.

Soon you found a somewhat steady rhythm, circling your hips and grinding down on him faster, picking up your pace. You felt your heart drumming against your ribcage and the concoction of arousal running down your thigh and dripping onto his legs.

"God, you're going to make me come so quick," you cried, your hand lowering between your thighs to reach your clit. With two fingers, you began to massage your flesh while bouncing down his cock, riding him, feeling the tip so deep within your walls. You let loose, moaning and whimpering. He couldn't help but groan, feeling your walls tighten around him, feeling your juices drip down his groin.

You felt him thrust upward towards you, following your pace, and a second orgasm started building low in your stomach. You felt it everywhere, from the tips of your fingers to the edge of your toes. It thrummed every nerve, vibrating you to the bone. "Fuck, I'm close."

His breath quickened as he felt your walls clenching him, his eyes brushing every inch of your body. You were such a sight to see. He was entranced by the way you were thrusting yourself on his cock, your breasts bouncing from the movement, your taut nipples begging for attention. He couldn't stop himself when he suddenly pulled you in, momentarily surprising you, and sucked onto your nipple hungrily.

You cried out when you felt his teeth softly tugging your nub. You were supposed to be in control, and you still wanted to keep your dominance, but it was hard to when he suddenly planted his feet on the bed and thrust his hips into you at a mind-numbing speed. Harshly. Roughly. Violently.

"Fucking hell, Spencer," you moaned, holding onto his shoulders. "I-I'm gonna—"

His fingers dug harshly into the tender skin of your sides, his hips were bucking up uncontrollably, desperate to reach the blissful relief. His tone became ragged as he groaned what sounded like your name entwined. He closed his eyes and threw his head back, suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling that began uncoiling in his entire body. You grabbed onto his unruly hair, tugging it back roughly before smearing open-mouthed kisses all over his throat and collarbones, voicing out your whimpers right into his ear.

That was enough for him—he came undone, allowing his muscles to contract one last time as he spilled into you, filling you completely with warmth with one last thrust. You followed him with a scream, wrenched from your throat so roughly it seared its way out of your lungs and into the air. Your movements became sloppy and uneven, clinging onto him as you chased your own high.

The room smelt of sex. It was your first thought when you finally felt your body relaxing, your mind coming back to its senses. Never, not even once in your life, have you ever considered kissing Spencer willingly.

Yes, he was handsome. Yes, he had the most amazing eyes, and yes, his soft demeanor did attract you the first time you met him, but that was it. He was simply your coworker, one you didn't know that well, one who seemed to make a big deal out of spending the night with you... and ironically, one who had you shaking in pleasure.

You weren't sure what would happen next. At first, you thought your presence ticked him off in the wrong way because you were the new, inexperienced member of the team... but now you couldn't help but speculate the way he acted differently towards you had something to do with what just happened.

Maybe he didn't think of you as a mere colleague... maybe he thought of you as someone potentially more? You could be right, or you could be wrong, and there was only one way to find out. You softly let your fingers brush his cheek.

"You need to take me out on a proper date," you suggested through the silence. Then a smile bloomed on your face when you felt him dip his head in your palm.

The nod he gave you couldn't be anymore faster.

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x fem!reader smut #spencer reid x reader smut #criminal minds smut

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reiderwriter · 18 days

Note

I’ve watching the episode where Reid kisses the actress. Could you write a fic where the reader is in the BAU and is best friends with Reid but has a secret crush on Reid which is obvious to everyone on the team but Reid and she is so jealous of the actress and the teams teases her about it?

A/N: Hello! Thanks for the request, I hope you enjoy it~♡

Warnings: none, hints of bi-reader, but like...come on.

Masterlist

Your “too obvious, plain as day, nearly embarrassing” schoolgirl crush on Spencer Reid was taking too long to fizzle out naturally.

When you'd met the man, and your heart fluttered, you knew you'd have to go through the motions: you'd hope, grow fonder of the man, dream about him, then cringe, get ick, and ultimately you'd achieve the ultimate crush death.

You were stuck somewhere between hope and dream, still, and had taken a wrong turn somewhere leading to nearly Hozier-levels of desperate longing.

5 months assisting the BAU as a press liaison, working as JJ's assistant on more public facing cases had landed you here.

And what better case for you to spread your wings on than one in Los Angeles itself, starring the famous Lila Archer.

When Gideon and Reid had called the case in, you'd been eager not to seem too eager. You'd never been out of Quantico on a case before, usually shacking up in an office to shout down phone lines as reporters on the press room floor telling them they were scum of the earth for sensationalizing murder. JJ had obviously taught you to have a more nuanced conversation that that, but your inner thoughts were still allowed.

But LA was a different kettle of fish, and Hotch appreciated that. It didn't quite help that you visibly perked up when you heard Reid himself had a hand in calling it into the team. A high-school classmate and a jet ride later, you were excited and ready to greet Spencer Reid. And Lila Archer.

She was so pretty it was intimidating to even breathe the same air as her, a magnetism that drew everyone in the room closer to her just as Spencer drew you towards him.

You tried not to see the obvious attraction the two had to each other, but the bile rose in your throat every time you thought about the case. The sour twinge of jealousy became a constant on the case, as your efforts to save Lila from her stalker also pushed her closer and closer to Spencer.

And that wasn't even accounting for the fact that you'd suddenly become tongue-tied around them.

Spencer had asked you multiple times how you were enjoying your first time out in the field, and the most you could muster was a nod and a stammered “it's been good, I guess.”

With Lila, it was worse. You couldn't even tell her your name, and had overheard her politely asking Reid for it a few times every time you'd dropped coffee off in their vicinity.

Your school girl crush was hitting the first heartbreak road bump at full speed, and dear god, you were not ready for the car crash.

You tried to psych yourself out of it, to clear your mind and remain professional, but one tabloid cover after wrapping the case ended that for you completely.

“Whooo, Spencer, my man! I knew you were a pretty boy, I didn't know you had game like that!”

The tabloid had been dropped on his desk by Derek loudly and had quickly drawn a crowd when they'd seen the resulting red flush from the man of the hour.

He'd snatched up the gossip rag pretty quickly, but not before you'd gotten a glimpse of the cover. You recognised Lila’s pool, then Lila herself, then the man she was passionately making out with as you felt your heart crack in two.

You'd stuck like a fly on the wall and quietly joined in the teasing as you swallowed all of your ugly emotions at once.

“And in the pool, too, Spencer, that's crazy. Look at Y/N. She can't believe it herself!” You forced a small giggle past your lips and hoped the others couldn't tell how fake it was. You stuck out a few more minutes of conversation before nearly running back to JJ's, thankfully empty office.

The tears were silent.

You berated yourself for even letting them fall. An unrequited love wasn't the end of the world - especially considering you had to work with Reid, see him every day.

It took you months to get over it. Not that you ever fully managed it.

You simply told yourself that you'd never felt that way in the first place, gaslighting yourself into believing there was no feelings and thus no heartbreak.

After a month of haunting the office with your general gloom, you got into the flow of it and truly convinced yourself you were over it.

And you were until everyone started talking about it all over again.

“Spencer, I heard your lady friend is going to be in a real blockbuster soon. Congrats!” Morgan clapped the man on the shoulder as he walked past, discarding his coat at his desk as he arrived for work.

You gripped your coffee mug slightly tighter as you wished the conversation would blow over.

“Reid has a lady friend? Oh, please do not spare the details,” Emily jumped in, eager to integrate herself into the team now that she was in it.

“You know that actress, Lila Archer? We babysat her on a case a couple of months back, and she took quite the liking to our little genius-”

“Morgan, stop-” Reid groaned, flushing yet again at the mention of the whole scenario.

“Okay, I'll back off,” the older man said quickly. “If you can tell me honestly, you don't still have that tabloid cover in the second draw of your desk.”

You tried to stand and walk away from the conversation without drawing any attention to yourself, but the tension in your body left you stiff and less than graceful. You tripped on the corner of your desk on your way out but didn't pause to even listen to the others' call after you in your haste to clear the venom burning in your throat.

You were fine and happy to ignore your emotions, but you realized then that kind of tactics would only work if everybody else managed to avoid them, too.

You calmed your pace to a wall and took a series of deep breaths, trying to rationalize your departure to yourself.

“I'm busy. There's some files I need to pull anyway, so I'm just going to file storage. That's why I left my desk. That's all, I'm fine.”

Your small pep talk didn't rewrite history, though, and you still felt a cloud of envy following you around.

He kept her picture. In his drawer.

Truth be told, you weren't expecting it to hurt this bad.

You heard footsteps come up behind you, so you quickly ducked into the empty elevator, not quite ready to face anyone yet. A hand caught it just as you were about to be left alone, though, and Spencer joined you in the elevator.

You weren't exactly shocked to see him. He'd been just as uncomfortable with the topic of conversation as you had, if not more so. You just wished you hadn't been in the same place now.

“Sorry, I need some files.”

Great, you were going to the same place as well. You just nodded slightly and gave him a tight-lipped smile as you travelled down to the place you'd both chosen as an escape.

“Back there, you left…” Spencer started, fidgeting awkwardly next to you in the elevator.

“You left pretty abruptly.”

“I remembered I needed some files.’

“Right, right…”

The silence that stretched between you was thick and suffocating, and you begged the elevator to move faster.

“I don't, by the way.” He spoke up again, awkwardly clearing his throat before continuing. “I don't still have that tabloid. There is a picture in that drawer, but it's not…that one.”

“A different picture of Lila, then?’ You tried to keep your tone light, but even while trying your hardest, you couldn't keep the bitterness out of your tone.

The elevator reached its destination, but you both held back for a few seconds, and neither of you was quite sure what to say anymore.

“She kissed me, you know.” Spencer said, facing you now, pinning you in place with his attention.

“Yes, Spencer. Well aware, I saw the photo, too.”

“No.. no, I mean, she kissed me.”

“Loud…loud and clear,” you said, raking a hand through your hair as you tried to drown out all of the noise.

“Y/N, I don't think you're hearing me.”

“Oh, and I should be paying attention to you recounting the time an actress decided you were worthy of your time and tried to mount you in a swimming pool? I need to hear about how her tongue felt being pushed down your throat?”

The words jumped out of you, and you had no way to stop them once they started. Instead, you simply shoulder checked your way out of the still elevator and marched your way to the file room.

“Y/N, I'm sorry, please just hear me out,” you heard Spencer calling out to you, but you didn't stop or turn around.

“Y/N, I'm trying to explain, please just-” You heard him groan in frustration as you kept up your pace and felt slightly satisfied that he was having such a hard time. A solid hand on your wrist pulling you back wiped any smile you had on your face clean off, especially as you were pulled into a somewhat solid chest and a hand tipped your head up to meet his own.

To say you hadn't imagined the moment that Spencer Reid kissed you for the first time would be a lie. You thought it would be sweet and small, an awkward peck if nothing else that led to giggles and more innocent chaste kisses and possibly an illusive hug.

Instead, you were pushed back against the nearest wall, pinned up by your wrists, and robbed of all of your breath as Spencer kissed you until you were seconds from passing out.

Even after you both came up from air, he released your wrists so he could angle your head back up to him, allowing him to deepen the kiss the second time around.

Stunned was not the word.

And though you were completely taken unaware by the kiss, that didn't mean you weren't eagerly reciprocating.

You kept your wits about you as his tongue parted your lips, leaning into him as you savored the moment.

It didn't stop the confusion after you finally broke apart, though.

“What…the…fuck, Spencer?” You said between gasps, chest heaving. He let your wrists go awkwardly, hands trailing down to your waist as you rested yours on his shoulders.

“You weren't…listening. Needed a different strategy.”

“Well, I'm all ears now.”

He nodded and then took another moment to catch his breath before relinquishing you from his hold and putting a bit of space between you.

“I didn't kiss Lila Archer. I didn't particularly want..to?” He cleared his throat and continued.

“She kinda just grabbed me? And did it? There was a pool too, so I was trying not to choke on water and chlorine and hair everywhere. Like, she just grabbed me-”

“Like you just did?”

“Like I just… did, yeah, like that.”

You weren't sure what to do or say anymore. So you just nodded and stood there, and so did he.

“That's not to say that I didn't enjoy this kiss. It wasn't just to illustrate the point. It kind of was, in the sense that it helped you understand what happened before, and that I hope it will help you realize the point of this conversation-”

“Which is?”

“I like you.” He said, finally pausing his rambling to look you in the eyes.

“I like you, and I didn't want you to misunderstand.”

“Oh. Oh right.”

You both stood there looking at each other and looking away in a loop, neither talking or breaking the silence until you both tried to.

“What about y-”

“Kiss me again.”

Reid blinked at you a few more times, trying to work through your words.

“Kiss me again” you repeated, stepping away from the wall and closer to Reid as he still just stared at you.

“We're still working, what if someone walks past?”

“Didn't stop you the first time.”

“But-”

You cut him off quickly, grabbing his tie and pulling him down to your level, locking lips with him again.

When you again came up for breath, possibly much longer after the time a second kiss should last, both of you just laughed again.

“I was jealous.” You said, looking up at him, ready to bare yourself to him now that he'd given a confession of his own. “Of Lila. Of you for being adored like that by someone so cool. But mostly of Lila.”

“Because?”

“Because I like you, too,” you said, rolling your eyes at him.

“Nice. Cool, that's great. I like that you like me, too. I like you, hey, I like us,” you cut off his rambling quickly with another small kiss and pulled away.

“So the picture?" You asked, backing away down the hall as he stood and watched you.

"Hmm?"

"The one in your desk."

"Oh," he said, scratching the back of his neck as the tips of his ears turned bright pink.

"Penelope gave me this picture from the Christmas party. It's, uh, me and you."

You smiled brightly before turning to leave, the bile of jealousy that had been consuming you turned magically to butterflies in the space of two kisses.

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #mgg #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds self insert #spencer reid x reader fluff #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n

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tenelkadjowrites · 2 months

Text

The Heart's Filthy Lesson - Seonghwa x Reader (NSFW)

🪓Summary: Your best friend has always been dedicated to you. But isn't everyone's best friend like that?

🪓Word count: 15k

🪓Playlist for this fic can be found here.

🪓Genre & warnings: one shot smut. (twisted) best friends to lovers. unreliable narrator. elements of horror. descriptions of stalking against the reader, violence against others (not the reader), unhealthy relationship dynamics. dom hwa. dirty talk. underwear is torn off reader. oral sex, reader receiving. choking, reader receiving. unprotected sex. creampie.

this fic is not meant to represent seonghwa in any way, shape or form.

You’re fumbling with your keys, trying to get it into the lock without dropping your overstuffed bag. Why do I overpack so much? You curse inwardly. Every time, you swear that only essentials will be packed. Somehow, that ends up meaning enough underwear for a month and clothes for three different outfits a day even when you’re just visiting family.

You manage to get the key in the lock, practically tumbling inside your small apartment on the third story. Unceremoniously dumping your bag on the floor, you let out a long sigh. Like all family visits, you’re glad for them but also socially drained.

Padding into your living room, you wince a little. Way too much light in here, you think, I thought for sure I closed the blinds when I left. You turn around, fighting off the urge to take a nap. The trip is catching up to you, leaving you tired.

But you stand in the middle of the room, feeling a strange sense of unease. The living room looks entirely the same yet you cannot shake the sensation that something is different. It’s just cuz I thought I had closed the blinds. But the words ring hollow in your head.

In the quiet atmosphere of the apartment, you can distantly hear the traffic outside and the neighbor upstairs moving something heavy around. Your eyes slowly look across your kitchen counters before landing on a small pile of mail.

Curiously, you walk towards it, picking up the stack. There is a small sticky note stuck to the top with just a quickly drawn smiley face on it, the ink smeared into the paper on one side. Frowning, you peel it off and go through the mail. All of it is from when you were gone –

A knock on the door makes you jump, pressing your hand against your chest for a second. The pile of mail drops back to the counter, scattering across it as you go to the door. You don’t check who it is. You already know.

Opening the door, you find yourself face to face with your overly enthusiastic best friend.

“Hey, I remembered you were supposed to be back around this time so I figured I’d come over to say hi.”

“Hi, Seonghwa,” You say, already moving to the side to let him in.

He glances over his shoulder at you while heading into the living room. “How was the trip? How was your family? Did you tell them that I said hi?” Every word is said quickly, as if they are all fighting for importance and can’t decide what order to pop out in.

You push the door closed, trailing after him. You’ve known Seonghwa longer than anyone else in your life – he used to live next door where you befriended one another at just six years old. You went to the same high school, even the same college and when you decided to move to the city, so did he. You lived on different sides of the city at first until a year ago, when the apartment building finally had an opening and now he lived just one floor under yours. The two of you were a team – you knew everything about him and he never forgot a detail about you. Things were comfortable…although maybe a little too comfortable.

You cross your arms, leaning against the wall. “You brought my mail in.”

He turns to look at you, smiling brightly. Seonghwa always had the same countenance – pleasant and happy. “Yeah, of course.”

“I don’t remember giving you a key.”

“Oh, your plant needs watering.” He leans over and touches the wilting leaves gently, already moving past the fact he let himself into your place without asking. “Want me to do it?” He looks up at you.

You sigh, walking towards him. “Seonghwa,” You touch his hand gently, trying to get his attention.

His expression falters just for a moment before guilt pops in behind his eyes. Seonghwa looks tired, although that isn’t new, because he’s always on his computer at all times of the day and night. He glances downward at where your fingers had grazed his skin for a split second. His profile is so familiar to you – the sharp curve of his jaw, the long nose, his perfectly plump lips hiding perfect teeth. This is the same man you’ve grown up with your entire life. You know objectively he is beautiful but you’ve known him for so long that it no longer catches your notice. From the time he got in trouble for pushing a kid bullying you at the playground when you were both eight years old to sneaking out while in high school to go drink to this very moment, he’s always been there. That’s why you dislike whenever you come off as though you’re lecturing him.

“It was from two weeks ago. Remember? I had to let the plumbers in for you,” Seonghwa protests.

“You’re supposed to give the key back,” You hold out your hand, wiggling your fingers.

He ducks his head, some of his hair falling in front of his eyes as he looks down at the sagging plant. “It’s in my place. I don’t keep it on me.”

“Fine,” You sigh, “Next time, okay?”

Seonghwa bites down on his bottom lip for a second before his eyes lock on yours. “It happened six months ago. I mean, don’t you think – I think I’ve done a good job at not crossing a boundary since then.”

You hadn’t been expecting to have this conversation today. But maybe that is your own fault for constantly putting it off. It isn’t even that you’re mad at him anymore. But coming home late one night to find him passed out drunk in your bed after using your key to get in just felt like shattering a boundary. You took your key back after that, giving your best friend a dressing down even though he was apologizing profusely.

“I mean, you technically weren’t supposed to use the key to drop off my mail,” You point out.

His cheeks flush. “I was trying to be helpful,” He mumbles, eyes darting away from your face.

You sigh, knowing you’re going to give in. That is how it usually worked with Seonghwa. He was always the overzealous best friend, eager to help you even to the extent that it resulted in too much on his own plate.

“I know,” You reply, “And I appreciate it.”

His face lights up, all earlier guilt and tension erased immediately. Seonghwa immediately begins to pepper you with questions about the trip back home, leaving the earlier conversation about boundaries long passed. You aren’t sure if anything you said even sunk into his head. Likely not, you think.

After all, you know Seonghwa so well. You know what sticks to him.

“Hey!” The familiar chipper voice snaps you out of your mindless phone scrolling.

It’s two days later, after work, and you’re meeting Seonghwa for a coffee. The key issue is long forgotten, overtaken by the daily events of life that naturally take more importance than your best friend helpfully bringing in your mail.

He’s pushing through the crowd of people that have formed looking for a late afternoon caffeine boost. It had begun snowing earlier and there are a few snowflakes melting in his hair. His brown jacket hangs off his thin frame, the same jacket he’s had for easily a decade because he doesn’t care enough to buy a new one. It’s well worn, fraying at the seams near the elbows, and you’ve seen it against the backdrop of a multitude of different coffee shops.

“Am I late?” He stands by the table, looking down at you, not paying attention to the man trying to get past him while carefully balancing two cups of coffee in his hands.

“No. Even if you were, it’s okay. I was waiting for you before I got anything.”

You move to get up but Seonghwa shakes his head quickly. “No, no,” He nudges you back in the seat gently, “I’ll go order for us. It’s too crowded.” He is looking in your eyes. “I know what you like.”

He’s gone then, back in the crowd, moving towards the counter. You watch him go, turning your attention back to your phone. Ten minutes later, Seonghwa returns, handing you the coffee and sliding into the seat across from yours. The table is crammed in the corner, a clear attempt to try to fit more seats inside since the snow is coming down.

“I’m getting sensory overload in here,” You remark when someone smacks your arm with their laptop bag on accident.

“Do you want to go?” Seonghwa leans forward, “We can go if it’s too much.”

“No, it’s fine,” You shake your head, “I should have given more consideration to the time, I guess. How are you?”

He drums his fingers against the table while answering. “Fine. The usual. How was work?”

“The usual too. That project I’ve been stuck working on finishes next week – ow,” You wince as someone else hits your arm while squeezing through the tight space between your table and the next.

Seonghwa reacts like lightning, too quick for you to even say anything. His hand reaches for the strap of the man’s bag and he gives a sharp tug on it. “Hey!” He snaps and the man looks over his shoulder with wide eyes, “Pay attention to where you’re going!”

“Seonghwa, it’s fine –”

“I’d rather walk in the snow than be in here,” He says curtly, grabbing his coffee cup and gesturing for you to follow.

You do, and out in the cold, let out a small sigh of relief. Alright, maybe the idea of leaving the crowded coffee shop was the right choice. The soft layer of snow that is forming across everything is ruined by the many feet trampling over it hurrying to get home after work.

But you walk slowly along the sidewalk with Seonghwa, neither of you speaking for a few minutes. You glance out of the corner of your eye to find him looking at you.

He clears his throat quickly and asks, “What were you trying to say in there?”

“Oh, the project. It’s winding down next week. I’m relieved.”

Someone cuts in between the two of you and when Seonghwa moves back closer, he is no longer looking in your direction. “Is the project leader still texting you outside of work?”

You blink, a little surprised he remembers such a small detail from a few months ago. “Yeah, sometimes. But it isn’t anything unprofessional.”

Seonghwa’s cheeks are slightly red from the cold. He is holding the coffee cup tightly for warmth. “He might ask you out when the project is done.”

“Maybe,” You reply with a shrug, “We’ll see.”

Your best friend falls silent. The look in his eyes is from a thousand miles away for a couple of seconds before it snaps back into focus. “Would you say yes?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’ll see how I feel when it happens.” You hadn’t given it a lot of thought.

There is another silence which is unusual for Seonghwa who usually fills the conversation easily. But he seems to be mulling something over and is lost in thought – a rarity.

“What about you?”

His head snaps up, looking at you. “What do you mean?”

A lone snowflake lands on the bridge of his nose. You lean forward and brush it off. The gesture comes automatically, instilled from years of friendship. You’ve brushed a thousand snowflakes off his face and shoulders over the many winters spent hanging out.

“That woman at the coffee shop was flirting with you a few weeks back,” You then frown, “But we haven’t been back since. We could’ve gotten you a date.”

Seonghwa turns his face away from yours, slowing his pace down a little while watching the rush hour traffic grow larger on the road.

“No, I’m good.”

Coming to a stop at the crosswalk, you nudge his shoe with yours. “You haven’t been on a single date in ages.”

“So?” He turns to look at you, his eyes wide and questioning.

“Nothing, you just work a lot from home, that’s all. I wouldn’t want you to miss out something fun because of that.”

“Trust me, I’m not. I just am not interested in awkward dates.” He bounces on the heels of his shoes for a couple of seconds until the crosswalk turns green and he takes off like a shot.

This is typical of Seonghwa’s walking speed and you try to keep up. “Was I overstepping?”

“No,” He replies swiftly, his energy bubbling underneath the surface, “But I had a string of very awkward dates all last year and I need a break from them.” He runs his fingers through his hair, still walking at a brisk pace.

“Right, I get that. I didn’t mean to come off like I was lecturing –”

Seonghwa stops suddenly, so abruptly that you almost trip over your own feet. “You never come off like you’re lecturing,” He says, reaching out to help steady you, “I understand you just want what is best for me.”

“Right,” The word sends up a tiny puff of air from the cold, “You’re in your apartment a lot except when you’re with me. That’s all.”

Seonghwa’s hand is still on your arm but the grip is so loose that you can’t even feel it through the thick jacket. His nails are bitten to the quick. He lowers his hand once he knows you’re not going to fall over.

He flashes a quick grin, the same expression you’ve seen a thousand times. Your shoulders relax, knowing he isn’t upset with you.

“Is that so bad? Maybe I just wanna hang out with my best friend right now.”

“No, there isn’t anything wrong with it. I just need to make sure you’re doing alright though. You’d do the same for me.”

Seonghwa’s grin softens and he gently punches you on the shoulder. “Yeah, of course I would. I’d do anything for you. You know that.” He straightens up. “Now, come on. Enough discussing how I prefer to be indoors all day. Mental check-in complete. Ask me again in six weeks.”

“Right,” You are smiling, your concerns about Seonghwa spending too much time alone now allayed.

“Let’s get home, alright? I’m freezing.”

The conversation resumes, the ebb and flow always the same, some topics circled back so often over the course of time that they feel more like well read books with their spines bent than anything exciting. But you like that with Seonghwa.

With him, what you see is what you get.

“Nope, not Mario Party,” Seonghwa shakes his head, stretched out on the couch in his apartment, “You turn into someone I don’t even know when you play that. Half the time, I think you’re gonna tear my face off.”

You scoff. “Come on. That isn’t true.”

“Yes, it is. Think about last time.”

Shifting awkwardly on the couch, you avoid his eyes. “Whatever,” You mumble, remembering cursing him out for stealing your star.

It’s a week later and you’re trying to unwind from the stresses of work. The project finished yesterday which meant some relief. It is almost a routine now to pop over to Seonghwa’s, play a video game and unwind – to the point where neither of you ask to confirm, it just happens.

His place is organized and tidy, in a way that you could never hope to replicate. A shelf lined with books is next to the TV, with another one filled with his Legos he builds to unwind. His computer with dual monitors is in the corner, the chair pushed out from where he hastily got up once work finished for the day. The apartment is comforting.

Seonghwa gives you a knowing look and you drop the subject, aware he is right. He runs his fingers through his hair before turning his attention to the TV, leaning forward to grab the remote off the coffee table.

“You hear from that client? The one who is clearly interested in you?” He asks suddenly, staring at the TV while booting up Netflix.

Surprised, you glance at him and shift a bit in your spot on the couch. “He’s been texting me a bit.”

�� Seonghwa makes a noncommittal noise although for one second, you swear his grip on the remote tightens. When he doesn’t say anything further, you’re unsure of where to take the conversation. He’s never shown much interest in who you’ve dated before – in fact, he’s always seemed bored hearing about them, to the point that you barely mention it. You wonder what makes this guy different but something in you holds back asking.

“I gotta pee,” You say instead, and he just nods, swept up in whatever he’s thinking about.

You head down the hall and into the bathroom. You’re about to sit down when you notice there is no toilet paper on the roll. Rolling your eyes, you open the cabinet under the sink and rummage around. Why does he never pay attention to this stuff? Better yet why are you surprised?

The cabinet is as organized as the rest of his place but there is no sign of toilet paper. You try to remember if he stashes it elsewhere but nothing comes to mind. You think of your own cabinet under the bathroom sink and wince. Seonghwa has always been the more organized of you two. You’re lost in thought, pushing aside some cleaning supplies when your eyes land on a strange small black box pushed all the way to the back.

It’s slim and almost glossy, completely out of place to be shoved underneath the bathroom stick. You chew on your bottom lip, curiosity nipping at your brain. Seonghwa isn’t the one for secrets. There’s probably Pokémon cards or something inside that he misplaced.

But you still reach for the box, sitting down on the bathroom floor and opening it quietly. Guilt is poking at you for snooping through your best friend’s stuff. You can’t explain what is even driving you to open something personal that belongs to Seonghwa.

But you do.

There isn’t a lot inside.

One pair of underwear. A house key. A small bracelet.

Your pair of underwear. Your house key. Your small bracelet.

You stare at the items, not comprehending what is in your lap. The pair of underwear is green lace, one of your cuter pairs, and it went missing months ago. Around the time I found him passed out drunk in my bed, a small voice in your head points out.

The memory of the night replays. Coming home late, finding Seonghwa fast asleep in your bed, flopped on his stomach, wrapped up in the bedsheets as if it was his own room. You were frustrated at the lack of respect for your personal space. Seonghwa always had a tendency to do such things; back in college, more than once you’d wake up to him in your dorm with a cup of coffee in hand, somehow getting past security.

But you snapped that night, under a lot of work pressure and startled at finding a shape in your bed in the middle of the night. Waking Seonghwa up, you angrily asked him what he had been doing. Seonghwa slurred his words, said he was drunk and apologized. He sounded panicked and ashamed but that didn’t stop you from demanding your key back. You hadn’t talked to him for three days while he left you a ton of texts and messages apologizing and explaining himself. It was the longest you had gone without speaking to him.

Back in the present, you gingerly reach for the pair of underwear. Why would he take this? Your cheeks feel hot looking at it. Was he…doing something with this? Surely, that would be impossible. For a split second, your brain flashes a mental image of Seonghwa with his hand wrapped around the underwear as he – nope, no.

You drop it back into the box, opting for the bracelet instead. It’s a thin fake gold band with a tiny cubic zirconia diamond in it. You wore it over ten years ago, one night at the summer festival. Your boyfriend at the time just broke up with you and all you wanted to do was stay inside until Seonghwa prodded you to go with him. You wore the bracelet then, with a sun dress, trying to make an effort to look presentable. Seonghwa won a stuffed animal at one of the booths and gave it to you. You don’t remember misplacing the bracelet.

The house key winks knowingly at you.

You shut the box, shoving it hurriedly back in its spot as your heart threatened to explode in your chest. Your head is spinning, wondering what the hell to do. Do you confront him about it? That is what you’re supposed to do. But what do you even say?

You turn on the faucet, splashing cold water on your face while trying to gather your thoughts. Could it be that Seonghwa had some sort of crush on you? That is absurd. Keeping the bracelet would mean it has been a minimum of ten years he’s been pining for me. It could be longer. That’s enough to drive anyone mad.

In any case, you needed to get out of his apartment and try to calm yourself down. You had a tendency not to think very rationally when emotional and it would be better to put some space away from Seonghwa until you figured out how to broach the subject.

You open the bathroom slowly, trying to collect yourself and steady your breathing. When you enter the living room, Seonghwa is idly watching TV. He glances over at you and then frowns.

“What’s wrong?”

So much for looking casual.

“My boss texted me and there’s some crisis with another client. I need to pop back home and get on a Zoom meeting.” You don’t even know where the lie came from but it leaves your mouth smoothly.

Seonghwa sounds exasperated when he replies with, “You’re kidding.”

“No, sorry. You know how it is. Big girl job.”

“Yeah, fine, I get it.”

You are trying to get to the door without asking him what the fuck but he meets you there, his hand on the door knob. You force yourself to look at him directly – this face you know so well, this face you’ve stared at a thousand times. The same face that won you a stuffed animal at the festival ten years ago. Nothing has changed.

“I’ll message you later,” You say.

“Alright,” He opens the door, “Later.”

It closes behind your back, leaving you alone in the hallway. You stand there for a few moments.

You have no proof but there’s the sensation of Seonghwa looking through the peephole at you.

Not seeing your best friend for two days does nothing to help you figure out how to broach the subject of the tiny black box underneath his bathroom sink. By the time you see Seonghwa Sunday afternoon, the only idea you have is to avoid the discussion completely and opt to veer the conversation into you going on a date with someone.

The sun is lazily cutting across the floor of your living room while you pretend to be making coffee in the kitchen. Seonghwa is talking animatedly from the couch about something that happened the day before. You’re not really paying attention. Your mind keeps flashing to the night he fell asleep in your bed, picturing him rummaging through your underwear drawer to take a pair and slipping it into his pocket. You’re remembering the way he comforted you after getting dumped, convincing you to go to the festival. You can see him against the backdrop of the small white bulbs that were hanging off the booths, running his fingers through his hair while explaining with easy confidence how he could win a stuffed animal.

“Hey,” Seonghwa’s voice cuts through the memories and you blink, looking up from your place at the kitchen counter to see him standing in front of you, “Are you even listening to me?”

“I’m going on a date Tuesday night,” You blurt out without preamble, “With the client. The project that just finished.”

Seonghwa looks thrown before clearing his throat and replying, “Alright.”

But you keep going. “I think we have a real connection. It could turn into something.”

For the briefest moment, Seonghwa’s face goes startingly blank. There is nothing behind his eyes, and no expression on his face. Then he snaps back into focus, his hands pressing flat against the counter. “That’s good.”

You’re lying, of course, you doubt anything will come from this date. But if Seonghwa is harbouring some sort of intense crush on you, maybe showing him you’re into someone else will fix things. Knock the thoughts out of his head, redirect his focus to something else. Anything to get out of having a horrible discussion with him that could ruin the most solid friendship you’ve ever had in your entire life.

“Yeah, I can let you know how it goes,” You say a little too quickly, “Might be good for me. Like, I haven’t had a relationship in a couple of years. I feel ready for one now.”

Seonghwa pushes himself away from the counter, turning his back to you. “That’s great.” He plops back down on the couch. “Remind me again what I know about this guy.”

You decide to take this opportunity to really sell this man, to truly drive it home that this could be someone that you will be smitten with. You spend the next five minutes prattling on about him. At one point, you sit on the couch, on the opposite side of where Seonghwa is, still enthusiastically talking about a man you’ve barely thought of the entire time you worked with him.

Seonghwa’s face is slightly tilted with his arm propped up on the side of the couch, hand resting against his cheek. He’s looking at the wall, eyes distant. You’re trying to stay the course and see your speech through while at the same time studying his face for any sign that this onslaught of information is settling in. But there isn’t anything, not even a clenching of his jaw.

Running out of breath, you stop speaking and the room lapses into silence. Seonghwa stirs, turning his face in your direction. There it is once more – the same blank stare from earlier. Nothing behind his eyes, gone in a flash, replaced with the same Seonghwa you knew. You swallow hard, suddenly feeling a little off kilter. There is something unfamiliar in that blankness, something that is brand new ground in the relationship with your best friend.

“Well, you sound excited,” He says casually, “You’ll have to let me know how it goes.”

Your shoulders relax slightly. Are you overthinking everything? If Seonghwa was upset, you’d notice, right? You’ve seen him angry or annoyed a thousand times before. But the box still tugs at your sleeve. There’s a reason he has that. There is a reason he kept the underwear, the bracelet, the key. But the idea of asking your best friend why he has a box with such contents makes you want to jump off a cliff.

And Seonghwa is…comforting. Maybe it is selfish to think of him that way and to want nothing to change, especially if things are different at his end. But he’s been in your life for so long that the idea of him potentially not wanting to be around you anymore due to a crush forming makes your anxiety spike. He’s been there through everything…You can get stuff back on track. You can fix things without mentioning the box.

You’re sure of it.

Typically, the process of getting ready for a date is somewhat fun and enjoyable. You tend to overthink your outfit but other than that, you like listening to music, doing your makeup and wondering how the night will go.

This date doesn’t feel like that, mostly because the entire time you’re getting ready, your mind keeps going to Seonghwa.

You’ve been overanalyzing his behavior since your Oscar winning performance convincing him this date is important. It’s been a few days since your speech and he seems exactly the same. Maybe a little more reserved if you truly look at the small details. But that could be work related, you argue, maybe I need to stop being so self-absorbed and think that everything has to do with me.

But then you think back to the box with your underwear, bracelet and key. Any rational person would just talk to their best friend about it. Instead, you’re forcing yourself to go on this date in hopes of avoiding it because you’re being selfish, putting your feelings before his and wanting everything to remain normal.

Your phone suddenly rings, startling you out of your brooding. It’s your client – no, your date.

“Hello?”

“Hey, listen,” His voice comes out fast and urgent, “I am so sorry but I’m going to have to cancel.”

“What? Why?” It comes out way more demanding than intended but you had been banking on this…

“Some fucking psycho ruined my car! It’s all smashed up! Like, it’s completely fucking ruined!” The client’s voice pitches higher in anxiety and an undercurrent of fear.

You grip the phone tightly while exclaiming, “What?!”

“My tires are slashed, my windows are blown out! The doors have these deep gash marks in the side like some lunatic took a fucking axe to it! Even the insides are cut up…Christ, I gotta go, okay? I’m really sorry. We’ll reschedule, I promise.”

“No, of course, I understand. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe that happened,” You say in shock, “That’s horrible.”

“Thanks. Again, really sorry. I’ll call you, okay?”

The call ends as suddenly as it began. You stare at your phone for a few seconds, feeling a wave of sympathy for your client. It would be horrible to deal with your car getting messed up like that. But this meant the date was pushed back…

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you wondered what to do now. Normally when plans fell through, you’d hang out with Seonghwa. If he found out the date got cancelled and you didn’t come over, he could think you’re avoiding him. But showing up all dolled up for a date that had nothing to do with him could be rubbing his face in things too, couldn’t it?

“I’m so sick of overthinking,” You mumble, leaving your bathroom and trying to find a hoodie to tug over your outfit, yanking it on over your head, adjusting it a bit and then grabbing your bag, “I don’t care.”

You’re lying – you care more than you’d like to admit, both about Seonghwa and whatever is going on with his feelings towards you and the fact deep down you’re aware that you are handling this poorly.

A few minutes later, you’re knocking on the front door of Seonghwa’s apartment. While you do have a key to his place, you weren’t going to violate that boundary even though you knew he wouldn’t see it that way.

No one answers.

You knock again but this time you go, “Hey, Seonghwa?”

Now, you can hear shuffling inside the apartment followed by a muffled, “Just a second!”

The door opens a second later. Seonghwa has clearly just gotten out of the shower. His hair is still soaking wet, dripping onto his black t-shirt. He runs his hands through his hair, trying to smooth it out but all that does is send some water droplets flying to the floor.

“What, were you taking a swim?” You joke.

His eyes land on you. “Wasn’t expecting you to come by. I thought you had that date.”

“I did but he had to cancel,” You reply as Seonghwa moves to let you inside, “He called me and told me like…his car got fucked up.”

“His car got fucked up,” He deadpans, raising one eyebrow, “Are you sure he isn’t lying?”

You scoff. “Seriously? Who would lie about that? He told me someone slashed his tires, broke his windows, banged up the doors and shit. So, he needed to go deal with it. We’re gonna reschedule.”

Seonghwa runs one hand through his hair again, seemingly unbothered by how wet it is. Even his t-shirt is damp, clinging to his frame. He flexes his fingers on his right hand, an action that is unfamiliar to you. The muscles in his arms move. You’re staring and don’t know why. It’s like he was mid shower when he got out or something, you think.

“So, I’m the backup plan?” He asks and there’s a strange edge to the sentence, stripping it of any humor.

You blink, thrown by the tone. “No, I didn’t…”

But Seonghwa smiles then, and his voice is back to normal. “It’s cool. I wasn’t doing anything tonight. We can hang out. You wanna watch TV?”

You nod, trailing after him into the comfort of his living room. He goes into the kitchen, opening the fridge and leaning forward to try to find something to drink. His t-shirt lays flat across his back, his black hair curling against the nape of his neck, still dripping onto the tile. You stare at him for a few seconds before settling in on the couch. You’re suddenly acutely aware of the dress you’re wearing although most of it is covered up by the hoodie. He didn’t seem to notice your outfit or makeup anyway. Be serious. He’s seen you on dates a lot of times.

There is the sound of a beer opening as Seonghwa returns to the couch, tossing you a bottle of water as he plops down next to you. You glance at him out of the corner of your eyes as he takes a swig from the beer, his Adam’s apple bobbing while swallowing.

“Aren’t you afraid you’re going to ruin the couch with your hair dripping everywhere?”

He tilts his face in your direction and then rests his head directly on the back of the couch. You roll your eyes.

“Get a towel.”

“Nah, I’m good.”

“You’re just trying to annoy me now.”

“Yup.”

The exchange is so normal and familiar that you don’t even realize you’ve sunken onto the couch next to him as he flips through the channels. The two of you lapse into a comfortable silence, so comfortable that you forget the box stuffed away in Seonghwa’s bathroom for the first time since discovering it.

Apparently, he is comfortable too because at some point, you realize you’re hearing soft snoring. Surprised, you look over at him. He’s dozed off, eyes closed, chest rising and falling peacefully. His mouth is open slightly, head to the side, blissfully unaware of his wet hair. Seonghwa often kept odd hours and it wasn’t so strange for him to fall asleep as soon as he got even mildly relaxed.

Mixed emotions are mingling inside your chest – a concoction of anxiety, peacefulness, and a sense of impending doom. In this quiet moment, it is as though you’re standing on a beach watching a tsunami approach. You’ve been trying so hard to run from the change that swept in with discovering that tiny box underneath the bathroom sink.

You want to lean over and wake Seonghwa up, just ask him what is going on. But you still balk at the conversation and at tarnishing this moment where everything feels so normal.

You wonder if the box is still under the sink.

Maybe you imagined it.

With one last glance at Seonghwa, you get up. Even though you’re walking to the bathroom, you cannot shake the guilt feeling swooping over your chest. You glance over your shoulder. He’s still perfectly asleep.

Seonghwa’s bedroom door is next to the bathroom, slightly ajar. You glance inside out of habit. His bed is perfectly made with a couple of framed posters on the walls. There isn’t anything out of place but…

Maybe it’s the way the light from the hallway lays across the carpet or maybe you’re spending too long looking inside but before you completely pass by something shines for a split second. You slow down and then stop, hovering in the doorway to his room. Your heart is beating quickly now.

One final look in Seonghwa’s direction to ensure he’s sleeping sends you into his bedroom. Now who is breaking boundaries? A little voice in your head remarks cruelly. You cross the carpet towards what caught your eye – the glint of something similar to a knife. The bathroom towel has been quickly thrown over whatever it is.

Bending down, your fingers hover over the towel. Your entire body is screaming for you just to leave and get out of there. You’re snooping, you’re keeping secrets, you’re posturing as if Seonghwa has done something unforgiveable but meanwhile you’re not doing anything better –

You snatch the towel off the object and your heart falls into a pool of ice water.

An axe is laying on the floor. You stare at it while the hair on the back of your neck stands up. “The doors have these deep gash marks in the side like some lunatic took a fucking axe to it!” The words of your date ring in your head with deafening volume. You think about Seonghwa asking for information about the client and how you babbled endlessly in order to convince him this date was real. You knocked on the door and he hadn’t been ready for you, soaking wet, barely toweled off as if he had been busy…what, hiding the axe under the towel?

This is insane. Do you realize what your brain is jumping to? What are you trying to suggest? That Seonghwa went out to this guy’s place and ruined his car? Do you know what that implies? It implies he’s not just crushing on you. It implies there’s something…wrong. There’s something wrong with him. That’s what you’re thinking about your best friend right now.

The anxiety hits you full force in the chest then. You can hardly breathe, quickly covering up the axe and stumbling to your feet. You didn’t know what to do. You don’t even know what to say to him. The most important thing is getting out of here –

“What are you doing?”

You almost jump out of your skin, whirling around to see Seonghwa’s figure in the doorway. His face is half in shadow and one hand is on the door frame. You take a step back, almost tripping over the axe while straightening up.

“I thought you were sleeping,” You mumble and all efforts to make your voice sound normal fail.

“I woke up.” His voice is different, altered.

Seonghwa takes a step into the room and his face is clearer now. Yet there is that same look you have seen flashes of before. The complete emptiness of expression, the utter blankness behind his eyes. There is nothing familiar about him now.

“Now,” He says in a cold voice, “Who is the one breaking boundaries?”

You swallow hard while your brain fumbles for an excuse. But instead of speaking one, what leaves your mouth is, “Why do you have an axe?”

“Is it illegal to own one?”

“No but it’s a little strange to have it on your bedroom floor underneath a towel.” You try to make it come out like a lighthearted joke but your voice quivers, giving you away.

Seonghwa takes another step. In exchange, you back up, over the axe and closer to his night table. It seems ridiculous to be afraid of your best friend. But it also is ridiculous to have a secret box in the bathroom and an axe on the floor.

His right hand flexes and his jaw is clenched. You get the feeling he is trying to wrangle himself under control – but from what? He has all the qualities of the Seonghwa you know but it’s like someone smeared him with a layer of paint and distorted him.

You try again. “Why do you have the axe, Seonghwa?”

He doesn’t answer. Just moves closer. You’re cornered now. He’s near enough to touch, to grab his shirt and demand he answer you – this man you don’t know, this man you’re realizing you might not know at all.

“Why are you in my room?” Seonghwa makes a small noise, a tsk tsk, before adding, “Gonna have to ask for my key back, I think. Didn’t we just discuss boundaries?”

Up this close, you can better see the blankness in his eyes. You can smell the familiar scent of his shampoo and body wash. Your mind is telling you to run but your heart is whispering that this is your best friend, just hug him and talk it out. You don’t know what to do.

You say Seonghwa’s name so softly, just a wisp of a thing against the boiling emotions that are brimming to the surface inside him. “Why do you have some of my things under your bathroom sink?”

Seonghwa recoils, eyes widening in surprise. Your brain tells you to push past him, take this chance and run. But your feet don’t listen. Even now, you want to hear him out. You’re desperate to prove this all some fucked up misunderstanding.

You keep going. “That bracelet. From the night of the festival. And my….my underwear. Why do you have those things? My date calls me, says his car got trashed and that it looks like an axe was taken to the sides and then you’re scurrying around when I knock, hide an axe under a towel. Where were you earlier? Seonghwa, where were you earlier? Why do you have those things? Tell me. If you don’t want me to walk out of here, tell me. If you don’t want to fuck up the friendship, tell me.”

He tilts his face away from you, eyes glassy, looking at nothing. He’s grinding his teeth, something else you’ve never seen him do. Seonghwa’s profile is striking but no longer comforting. When he looks back at you, your lower back nudges into the night table and your hands grip the edge, staring at him.

“I want to fuck up the friendship. I’ve always wanted to fuck up the friendship,” He declares.

You shake your head. “You don’t mean that. That’s not how things are with us –”

“That’s always been how things are with us!” He shouts suddenly, loud enough to make you flinch.

“No! No, Seonghwa, that isn’t true –”

“Don’t fucking lie to me!” His eyes are alive now, twisted, no longer blank but not belonging to him either. He’s so close to you now, dangerously so. The warmth of his body is seeping into yours. The rage is swimming off him, strong enough to knock you over. You have never seen Seonghwa so angry before…and certainly never at you.

“I’m not, I’m not lying,” You plead, wanting to touch him but too afraid of making things worse, “I’m not lying. I was just – I was just trying to understand. The box under the sink and the axe…”

“You’re a smart girl, stop pretending like you don’t know,” Seonghwa growls out, “You know why I have those things under the sink.”

“The bracelet –”

Seonghwa is bristling with an intense energy as he replies, “From the festival night! See, you remember. You knew immediately where it was from. It slipped off your wrist when you were at one of the games, landed in the dirt. I took it. I took it because that was the night I thought ‘maybe’. I thought maybe you’d realize how badly I wanted you. And I think you did realize it. But you looked the other way. I love you but fucking hell, you look the other way when anything might change. But I’m patient. I can wait. I can take care of things and I can wait.”

I love you he had said, so effortlessly, so easily. The air is knocked out of your lungs by his casual admission. Seonghwa doesn’t seem to notice nor care he said it. He just stated it as though it was a fact, like the sun rising every morning. He runs his fingers through his hair, his brow furrowed in memories.

“The underwear, do I gotta explain that? Like I said, you’re smart. You know. I didn’t think you were coming home that night. I thought you were out, picked up by a guy or something. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I had shoved the underwear in my pocket before you got there and it just felt so damn good to be in your bed. Everything smelled like you and just…it was just a lot, you know?” His eyes land on you. “It was wrong to lie, tell you I was drunk. It was the fastest thing I could think of.”

“You lied to me?”

“I’m sorry,” Seonghwa says seriously and you realize he believes lying about being drunk was the worst thing he did that night, not using your key or stealing your underwear.

“You’re – you’re sorry? You violated my boundaries, you slept in my bed, you stole my…and then you lied to me,” You reply aghast, “It’s like I don’t even know you, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa is starting to look anguished now. He goes to reach for you, thinks twice and drops his hands to his sides before taking a step back, carefully skirting around the axe. Then he stops, considering it before picking it up and tossing it onto the bed, making you flinch again.

“Don’t act like that,” Seonghwa says sternly, pointing to you, “Don’t do that. It’s me, alright? It’s me. You’ve known me since we were kids. I’m still the same person.”

You swallow hard, unable to reply.

He continues to talk, pacing the room. “Listen, for how long I’ve been in love with you, I think – I think I’m doing alright. I’ve never done anything bad to you. I have always had your back. That one asshole back in college – that professor. The science one. Remember? I made sure to stop that shit before it got out of hand. He was out of bounds asking you out. That’s wrong. You’re a – you’re a student.”

The floor is unsteady underneath your feet. You’re staring at Seonghwa as he paces, wondering if you’re going to faint. “That was you? He couldn’t even come back to work after that. He needed physical therapy. His legs…”

“Okay, in my defense,” He holds out one hand to ward off your criticism, “In my defense, I didn’t realize until later I maybe shouldn’t have brought the bat down so hard.”

Your eyes fall to the axe. You’re almost afraid to ask.

But Seonghwa follows your gaze and he immediately makes a noise of protest. “I didn’t lay a hand on that guy.”

“But…but his car…”

“So what? It’s a car. Which he thought was more important than you seeing that he cancelled the date, by the way,” He is talking so quickly that it is hard to follow his words, “You gave me so much information about him and this idiot – I mean, he’s a real idiot, alright? He had so much public information about himself. I found his address in like, two minutes. I mean, this is not the sort of guy you want to be with. He’s too stupid for you.”

You’re feeling dazed now like you got hit with the axe instead of the client’s car. “How did you not get caught?”

“He doesn’t live in the city. Lives in the suburbs, some big fancy ugly house with a private garage. Slipped in, slipped out.” A thought strikes him and Seonghwa moves towards you, holding his hands out to calm you down as if you’re a scared deer. “But I didn’t hurt him. I wasn’t going to hurt him. You seemed to really like the moron. I just wanted to see how badly he wanted to go on a date with you. If his material items were more important than seeing you.”

Thunderstruck, you reply, “Seonghwa, you trashed his fucking car.”

He scurries over, extremely close to you once again. He looks so warm and inviting again, earnest as ever as he goes, “And he picked it over you. He isn’t a good fit for you. Not like me. You get it? Not like me.”

You can only stare at him, unable to reply. Too much is happening. There is too much new information occurring at once. And the way Seonghwa is standing there, looking so open and honest – the polar opposite of earlier when he came into the bedroom, is making things confusing.

Seonghwa tilts his head to the side, his voice a soft murmur while studying your face. “Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve protected you from is because I love you. I’ve always loved you. The entire reason I exist is to love you. I’d follow you to the end of the earth. I’d follow you into hell. Some part of you had to know that. You felt it, didn’t you?”

Your breathing is quick and shallow. You’re grateful for the barrier of the hoodie because you’re acutely aware of how close you are to your best friend. You’re thinking about him moving to the city, and then into your building. You’re thinking of all the various strange occurrences you tried to steadfastly ignore – people getting injured after upsetting you, job interviews that felt horrible only for them to offer you a position, Seonghwa up all hours of the night on his computer looking exhausted and claiming it was just work, the beleaguered quick expression on his face whenever you mentioned him going on a date…

Seonghwa makes a small noise in the back of his throat. “You’re scared. It’s okay. You never liked change and you were never good with your feelings.”

You squeeze your eyes closed while saying, “I thought you’d think I was smitten with him. That you’d…you’d drop this. And we could go back to normal. I didn’t think you’d…”

“Go back to normal?” He scoffs, “What is normal for you? Ignoring what is right in front of you?” Very slowly and carefully, he brings the back of his hand to your cheek, gently brushing it along your skin. The touch makes your heart thud violently in your chest. Seonghwa looks at you tenderly. “I would be so good to you. I’m a perfect fit for you.”

“Seonghwa…” You aren’t sure if his name is a curse, a prayer or just a whimpered plea to let things stay the same.

He is close enough to your body now that you know what is going to happen next. You should push him away, get out of here and call the police on him.

But you don’t.

Instead, you allow Seonghwa to kiss you.

Your mouth opens underneath his, tasting your best friend in a way that is entirely new. The sensation of his lips on yours is dizzying in the most twisted way possible. Seonghwa’s hand goes to the back of your neck as the kiss grows more intense. His tongue is in your mouth and he makes a tiny noise – like some small bit of him is finally finding relief. You aren’t even sure if you’re breathing, too swept up by the mind-bending things that have occurred in the last ten minutes. As the kiss deepens, you tilt your head to the side, your tongue against his now.

There is a small voice in the back of your head quietly asking you what the fuck are you doing? Not only is this Seonghwa of all people but he’s obviously mentally unstable. But there is a heat swooping through your body and there is a need cracking through something inside you that is made worse by the fact you’re thinking about how he’s always had your back since first meeting.

Your hand is gripping the bottom of his t-shirt. You aren’t sure whose ragged breathing you’re hearing but certainly it cannot be yours because you must’ve died ten minutes ago. That’s the only logical explanation for why you’re now desperately kissing Seonghwa; it just simply couldn’t be happening like this.

The heat is unspooling in your chest now, dropping to your thighs. Seonghwa makes another quiet noise while kissing you, so fragile yet tense, and it is in that noise that the desire and fear smash together and overwhelm you.

You push him away with a small gasp, wiggling free from the confined space and placing your hand against the wall to steady yourself.

“I can’t,” You gasp out – although is directed to you or your best friend?

Looking over your shoulder at Seonghwa, he’s staring at you with blown out pupils while his chest rises and falls rapidly.

“You can’t what?” He drawls coldly, “You can’t what?”

You shake your head while saying, “I should be calling the police on you. You’ve hurt people. You’ve damaged people’s property.”

“Oh, please!” His mood shifts quickly again, his tone hostile. He approaches you, so close again, enough to see that his lips are slightly wet from the kissing. “Stop pretending. Stop pretending you don’t feel it.”

But it’s too much – all of it. You shake your head, afraid of…of what? Seonghwa? No, something else. Something worse.

You’re afraid of yourself.

“I can’t – I have to go,” You say, pushing past him, “I can’t do this.”

In all your years of friendship with him, you’ve never run out of his apartment. There has never been any reason to. But you leave Seonghwa in his bedroom with the axe on the bed, quickly scampering down the hallway. You cast a glance over your shoulder to see if he is following.

But he isn’t.

And you’re not sure how you feel.

There is no sleep that night, only replaying the entirety of your friendship with Seonghwa like a horrible movie in your mind. You try picturing him taking the bat to that teacher’s legs but it is an impossible thing to imagine. You wonder what else he’s done. He’s been off, slinking around in the night, breaking into your apartment, sleeping in your sheets.

You roll onto your side, staring at the edge of your bed. What is Seonghwa doing right now? Is he thinking of you? Most likely, since it has become clear that all he thinks about is you. He isn’t a good fit for you. Not like me. You get it? Not like me. His confession bangs around in your brain, refusing to give you any peace.

You’re back at the festival, watching him win you the stuffed animal. Seonghwa’s head is cocked to the side as he thrusts the stuffed animal towards you, grinning. You try to refuse it at first but he shakes his head, saying he has no use for it. His hair is softly glowing against the lights. His fingers brush against your wrist while accepting the gift. You feel a sense of contentment knowing you’re here with him and not crying in your room alone.

What happened the next day? Your ex’s dorm room goes up in flames due to an unattended candle left burning. You remember laughing about karma with Seonghwa.

But it wasn’t karma.

Unless Seonghwa is your karma.

Your brain circles to the one thing you’ve been trying the most not to think about: the kiss. It is something you’ve never ever considered. Kissing Seonghwa had always been something firmly planted in the realm of impossibility. Anyone of sound mind would have called the police on him, and what did you do? You kissed him.

And even worse, something that you can only admit in the dead of night when the world is still and quiet: you liked it. You enjoyed the small noises of relief Seonghwa made, how hot his body temperature ran, how his t-shirt was gripped in your hand. You enjoyed his desperation. You enjoyed his dedication.

What the fuck did that say about you?

You’ve never gone this long without hearing from Seonghwa. It’s been four days and you keep expecting him to show up. You think he might even be waiting in your apartment every time you come home from work. You almost wish he was. But he isn’t. His silence is throwing you off.

Maybe Seonghwa is going to skip town, you think in the silence of your bedroom one night. He might think I’m going to turn him in and he’s trying to get ahead of it. The idea of Seonghwa vanishing is eating you up inside. You just want to talk to him.

But now you feel like the stalker, taking the elevator one floor down to his place with his apartment key in your hand. Even if Seonghwa ignores me, I’m gonna go inside, you think, if he can do it to me, I can do it to him. I just want to talk to him. Your mind is flickering to the kiss. You’re thinking about staying up late with him watching movies over the years. You’re remembering how he stopped going to the coffee shop where that woman was interested in him. You can taste him in your mouth.

At the front door of his apartment, you knock. Softly at first. No reply. You knock again. You stand there, debating what to do. The key is heavy in your hand.

What Seonghwa has done is wrong. It’s not just illegal, it’s fucked up.

But no one in your life has ever looked out for you in the way he did and continues to do.

His hair, wet, dripping onto the tile in the kitchen. His right hand flexing. The blank look in his eyes. The axe on the bed.

Still no answer.

The key is heavy in the lock, and the tumblers sound like gunshots as you turn it. Quietly, you push open the door and creep inside Seonghwa’s apartment. There aren’t any lights on. Silence settles across the place like a blanket. You shut the door softly, wondering why you’re doing this.

But still, you continue, creeping down the hallway towards his bedroom. The door is open and moonlight filters in through his bedroom window, leaving a small band of white along the hallway floor. You hover outside Seonghwa’s room before pushing the door open wider to allow yourself in.

He’s sprawled out on the bed, asleep. You stand next to it, looking at the way the moonlight lays across his face. His black hair is messy, lips parted slightly as his breathing goes slow and deep. Some logical part of you knows it is bizarre to be watching your best friend sleep like this after using his key. You’re not any better than he is when you act like this, it scolds you.

But you study Seonghwa’s face. The moonlight washes his skin out. His bone structure is so familiar to you but tonight, you’re thinking that once again he looks like someone scrambled his face up with a large brush and showed you it.

You raise your hand to reach for his shoulder. You’re going to wake him up. To ask him…what? You’re not sure. You just want to talk to him.

But before you can touch him, Seonghwa’s hand reaches out in a flash and grabs your wrist, his eyes startingly empty. You gasp in surprise and almost fall back but he is holding onto you too tightly.

“You’re creeping around my place again. I might start getting the wrong idea,” Seonghwa’s voice sounds taunting, almost venomous, “I might start thinking you want to fuck me.”

You’ve never heard him speak like that.

“I wanted to talk,” You reply but the words sound so absurd given you used his key and were watching him sleep.

“No, you didn’t,” He retorts.

No, you didn’t.

Seonghwa pulls you down and you kiss him again, open mouthed and desperate. You gasp from the force of his lips on yours as though he wants to devour you. He’s half sitting up, his hand on the back of your neck, and you’re getting in his lap now, straddling him as his tongue slips into your mouth. He bites down on your bottom lip, tugging it with his teeth until you make a noise and the kiss breaks.

His hands are cupping your cheeks. Seonghwa is looking at you almost deliriously. You hadn’t changed before coming over, just wearing a thin pair of sweatpants which means you can feel him stiff in his own pair, rock hard already, pressing against your thigh.

It’s you who speaks first.

“Why didn’t you talk to me the last few days?” It sounds almost plaintive.

He’s studying your face as his thumbs graze your cheeks. “I was waiting for you to either turn me in or come see me. Whatever ended up happening, I knew what it would mean.”

Breathlessly, you reply, “I wasn’t going to call the cops.”

His thumb is running over your lips. Seonghwa is looking at you mesmerized as if he has never seen something so wonderful as you in his lap. No one has ever looked at you in this way.

“Everything I did, I did because I love you,” His voice sounds like a raw wound, “Do you get that now?”

“I get it now,” You reply, knowing it’s wrong, knowing it’s fucked up, knowing you must have lost it.

His grip on your chin tightens ever so slightly as his eyes grow intense. “I was looking out for you from the moment we first met. I have always protected you. I’ve always made sure no one would harm you and if they did, I ensured they got what was coming to them. You deserve the best. You always have,” His voice is hurried, emotional, “I always have tried to give you the best because I love you.” His fingers dig into your skin. “Do you get that? Do you understand how much I love you? God, sometimes, you would look right through me and it felt like the entire world was ending. Like the ground was just shattering underneath my feet. But I never dreamt of leaving your side. I love you too much even if you didn’t feel the same. I told myself I would just protect you until I died.”

His voice is pure agony, a crackling and fizzling of the years that have gone by spilling out from in between his lips. “You looked at me with such fear the other day when you were in my room, staring at the axe. As if…as if I would ever hurt you. It’s so absurd. I would never do anything to you. Everything I do is because I love you.”

“Seonghwa,” You breathe out shakily, “Your hand…. it’s too tight…”

His eyes drop to the way he’s gripping your face and he releases his hand immediately, apologizing. Your head is swimming, torn between the logical mind telling you to leave and your irrational heart pulled by his words, his love, his promises and protection.

But he feels so good underneath you.

Your lips find his once more and whatever remains of Seonghwa’s speech dies in his mouth, lost in the groan he emits when you touch him again. He shifts slightly so that his leg is pressing against your pussy and you react by grinding down slightly on his knee, just enough to feel pressure against your clit. Your breath hitches as Seonghwa’s hands roam across your body – fondling your tits through your shirt, down across your hips before resting on your waist, pushing you down on his knee.

He’s kissing and biting your neck, hard enough to leave marks. Your hands are in his hair while you grind on his knee. At one point, he bites so hard that you gasp and you swear that he chuckles quietly. Seonghwa pulls away, looking at you with an expression of mingled lust and something more possessive.

“You’ll have to cover that up for your date.” His words are like stone but there is a flicker of toying amusement behind his eyes.

“What date?” You mumble, slightly dazed, too turned on by the way he’s touching you.

Seonghwa laughs, his teeth like daggers in the flash of moonlight before pulling you towards him. His kiss is greedy, one hand sliding under your t-shirt to cup your breast. You’re not wearing a bra, having come over here quickly without putting much thought into it. You can feel him smirk against your lips, as if the lack of one is telling him something you’re not privy to.

He pinches one of your nipples, making you jump. His other hand is on your lower back, steadying you on his knee as you continue to chase your orgasm. It’s evident Seonghwa isn’t going to try to stop you. He leans his head down, tugging your shirt up so that he can wrap his lips around your nipple, sucking on it hard. He switches to the other one, biting on it. You’re making soft noises, a cross between a plea and pleasure, dimly aware that to be doing this with Seonghwa means forever ruining the very friendship you were once so keen on saving. But maybe it never stood a chance. Maybe time just caught up with the dynamic.

When Seonghwa pulls away from your tits, he grabs the back of your head, forcing you to look at him while demanding, “I want to watch you cum. I want to see what you look like when you’re cumming. I’ve pictured it so many times in my head – no, don’t stop. Don’t slow down. There, good girl. Oh, do you like that? When I call you that? Is that gonna make you cum?”

You manage to nod even though his hold on you is tight. He looks different in the moonlight, different in the manner he’s openly staring at you without hiding his feelings. There’s an energy rolling off him that you’ve never felt before, something bubbling to the surface and spilling out – who he really is. Who he hid for so long. You feel like a small bug crawling into a Venus fly trap but you don’t want to turn away.

Your orgasm starts then, after Seonghwa calls you good girl in that voice of his that is dripping honey while hiding a dagger. You can’t believe that you just got off from grinding on your best friend’s knee but you barely have time to come down from the climax before he is slipping your shirt off over your head and tossing it to the side.

He’s groping your tits, rolling his thumbs across your nipples, in seemingly no hurry to fuck you. You thought the orgasm would bring clarity, give your mind release from the problematic thoughts you’ve been having about your messed up best friend and allow yourself to exit the situation.

But you feel no such thing. Instead, you find yourself removing his shirt as well before kissing him hungrily while your hands press against his chest. His arms wrap around your waist and in one swift motion, he has you against the pillows underneath him.

Seonghwa is hot to the touch, his skin almost feverish as your fingers trail down his shoulders and along his arms. He’s moving downwards, his tongue across your nipples, down your stomach, obscenely leaving a trail of his salvia until he reaches your sweatpants.

Hooking his thumbs into the band, he yanks them down, leaving you in just your underwear. He nudges your thighs apart, pressing one finger along your pussy.

“You’re soaking wet,” Seonghwa drawls, sounding both pleased and tormented, “Underwear is fucking glued to your pussy.”

There is something fucked up and thrilling hearing your best friend talk like this. Seonghwa has always been so nice, so thoughtful over the years. Even when he would discuss his dates, he never dove into any details that would come off disrespectful. But now, mask off, it’s evident he’s perverted and unhinged on top of being psychotic. So why do I like it so much?

Seonghwa abruptly grabs the sides of your underwear and rips it with his hands. There is a loud tearing of fabric, his eyes alight while doing so, and then you’re exposed to him. Instinctively, you squirm, trying to close your legs. But Seonghwa is faster and his hands are on your thighs, keeping you open in front of him. His eyes look upwards to meet yours.

“No, I want to see how wet your pussy is from me. No hiding now. I’ve daydreamed about tasting your sweet cunt for far too long.” He turns his gaze back downward, one finger against your wet slit. “God, look at how fucking good you look,” The desperation in his voice is obvious, “What a perfect pussy.”

Seonghwa leans forward and his tongue is in your hole with a pornographic slurping noise as he tastes you for the first time. His nose bumps against your clit as he buries his face in between your thighs, trying to get his tongue as far as possible inside you.

“Fuck,” His words are muffled, “You taste so fucking good. You taste exactly how I knew you would. Can’t believe it took this long to taste your sweet cunt,” His hold on your thighs tightens, “Drives me fucking crazy knowing others had it before me. They didn’t deserve it.”

His tongue drags along your folds until he places a kiss on your clit, just enough to make you shiver. You know that you shouldn’t look down. It will make the entire situation feel entirely too real. But you don’t listen and instead prop yourself on your elbows slightly, just enough to look down at Seonghwa in between your legs.

His eyes catch yours and he lewdly flicks his tongue across your clit just to drive the point home that this is happening and you’re enjoying it. You sharply inhale, your hand grabbing onto the bedsheet. He closes his eyes, focusing on rolling his tongue over your clit slowly, just enough to drive you crazy. You cannot tear your gaze away from Seonghwa of all people doing this to you, making you feel this good. In the moonlight, his shoulders almost glow, and some of his hair has fallen in front of his eyes.

While Seonghwa is working your clit, he slips one finger inside your hole, meeting no resistance from how wet it is. You squirm, head rolling back a little from the new sensation. Still, he doesn’t miss a beat, continuing his soft licks on your clit while pumping his finger. Your eyes flutter closed. It had been a long time since someone ate your pussy this good. It is just fucked up that it’s your best friend.

Seonghwa pulls his finger out of you, eliciting a whine that would be embarrassing in any other case but he quietly shushes you. “Needy girl, you want my tongue back on your clit? Look at me when I’m speaking to you.”

You look down at him, your cheeks warm. His eyes are devious, a smirk on his face, making his cheeks stand out more than usual as he shakes his head to get his hair out of his face.

You nod and he looks gravely serious. “No, tell me. I want to hear you tell me.” His voice is ice cold, allowing no argument. You’ve seen him this way a few times, always when he is angry and never at you. No, always at someone who did something mean to you though, the little voice whispers.

“I want your tongue back on my clit,” You say meekly because begging Seonghwa for such a thing is a foreign concept.

He stares at you for a second or two longer before suddenly spitting on your clit and smearing it in with his thumb. Your hips buck automatically from the sudden pleasure.

“You’re so sensitive,” He murmurs, “Gonna be so easy to make you cum again.” Seonghwa sounds lost in his daydreams and you cannot fathom how many times he’s thought about this.

His finger is back in your cunt and his tongue is flicking across your clit faster now. He adds a second digit, pumping them hard and fast, stopping occasionally to wiggle them deep inside you. His face is pressed against your pussy, sucking on your clit and sometimes stopping just to spit on it again. Seonghwa is groaning when he’s eating you out, as if he is driven to intoxication from the taste of you.

You can no longer prop yourself up on your elbows, instead sinking back down among the pillows. One of your hands reaches down for Seonghwa, his hair wrapping around your fingers as you desperately hold onto him so he doesn’t stop. He makes a noise of approval, fucking you harder with his fingers.

And it feels just too good and it feels even worse because it’s Seonghwa, the person you know the most and the person you don’t know at all. When your climax starts, his name leaves your lips broken and shattered, forever changed by what happened tonight.

When Seonghwa pulls away, his eyes are ablaze. You’re disoriented from cumming so hard two times already but he pulls you towards him. His lips crush yours in a sloppy kiss. You can taste yourself on his tongue. When the kiss breaks, there’s a long strand of spit connecting the two of you. He’s holding the back of your neck again, looking at you as though you’re trapped in his web.

“Oh, my name sounds so good like that.” He rubs his thumb across your lips, and the spit makes a mess, “You’re such a pretty thing.”

You like the way Seonghwa talks to you as if you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. But you suppose to him, you are. You’re feeling an aching desire to have him inside you, to know what it would be like to be fucked by him. Tentatively, you reach for his groin, pressing your hand against the tent. He inhales sharply but gives a firm shake of his head.

“Not yet,” He brushes your hand away, “You’re going to cum again.”

Surprised, you open your mouth to say something but before you can, he places two fingers on your tongue. Without questioning it, you wrap your lips around them and then immediately wonder why you didn’t even hesitate. You swirl your tongue around his fingers while he watches, entranced at the sight.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty. I can’t get enough of you. Now, sit on my face.”

Seonghwa pulls his fingers out of your mouth, snapping his fingers at you after he issued his command. You’re not even thinking anymore, lost completely to whatever pull you feel towards him and the promises of more pleasure. He’s on his back, motioning for you to hurry up. You try to carefully straddle his face but he makes a noise of impatience, reaching upwards to grab your hips and yanking you down so that your pussy is against his face.

His tongue dives into your hole and you make a noise of surprise, gripping the headboard of his bed. He’s eating your pussy like a man starved, not stopping to let you adjust at all. His hands are holding onto your hips, keeping you in place as he brings his tongue swooping up to your clit, swirling around it. This time is a lot more urgent as though it is more for him than you.

The sounds of Seonghwa eating your pussy sounds graphic but it is the way he is moaning while doing it that is turning you on. You like how he sounds, so desperate and his voice muffled, and when you move your hips gently against his face, he makes a noise to let you know to keep going.

So you do, grinding against his face. He moves his tongue back to your hole and you can feel his nose against your clit while rocking your hips. Your clit is growing sensitive from all the overstimulation and sometimes your hips bounce a little when it becomes too much. Seonghwa notices this and instead of giving you a break swoops his tongue back over your clit, flicking it hard and fast.

Your grip tightens on the headboard but you’re close to cumming again. Your thighs are shaking, panting with your tongue poking from in between your lips as you ride his face. With one last flick of his tongue, you moan out his name loudly, unable to stop from how much you’re working your pussy against his face. This orgasm is somehow even better than the earlier ones although it leaves your body shaking. You slide off him, falling onto the bed, trying to catch your breath.

Seonghwa sits up, kicking off his sweatpants. With relief, you realize he’s going to fuck you. You’re unsure that you could handle another orgasm again so soon after the others. Your head is dazed and thighs sore and you’re pretty sure that your pussy is a mess of your juices and Seonghwa’s spit.

He’s stroking his length, drinking in the sight of your naked body on his bed with the same fascination of someone viewing a beautiful painting. He shakes his hair out of his face again while getting to his knees, his hand still wrapped around his cock.

“You’re gonna cum around my cock next.”

You give a small shake of your head, out of breath. “I don’t think I can cum anymore.”

“Of course you can,” Seonghwa replies simply while positioning himself over your body.

His skin against yours is heavenly and hellish, weighted by the knowledge you’re tumbling into bed with your best friend who isn’t as stable as previously believed. But what does it say about you that it won’t leave your mind? He’s propped up over you, studying your face with such intensity that you break eye contact, feeling exposed. His cock is pressing at your entrance as your hands go to his sides, gingerly touching his hot skin.

Seonghwa lowers his face down to kiss you while sliding inside your wet entrance. You arch your back, fingers digging into his waist as he enters you easily. His lips are back on your neck, emitting a sigh that is a mingle of relief and tension all at once.

His words are muffled as he goes, “You feel so good. Your pussy is made for me. I was meant to be in this pussy every night.”

Seonghwa is curled around you, taking his time. He’s moving slowly, lost in the sensation of your walls tightening around his cock. Your hands glide upwards to his hair once again, bunching it in between your fingers as you wrap your legs around his waist.

When Seonghwa speaks again, he sounds lost, as if he isn’t even present in the moment. “I love you so much,” He grunts, going still for a second to collect himself before thrusting a little harder, “I love you so fucking much. I’d do anything for you, I’d do anything to be in your cunt like this. You just had to ask. But you never did.”

Your body is warm all over, each nerve in your body responding to his passion in a way that you didn’t think was possible. The voice in your head that has been pointing out how wrong it’s been all night is eerily silent. Instead, you tilt your head so that Seonghwa looks at you. Your foreheads are touching and when you speak, your lips graze his.

“Tell me what you’d do for me,” You plead softly.

His breath catches, his cock buried inside you to the hilt while he replies, “Anything. You know that. You already know some of what I’ve done. And I don’t regret any of it. I’d do it again,” He starts moving his hips faster now, plunging his length in and out of your soaking wet hole while his breathing grows laboured, “I’d do anything for you.”

The words make your head light. You’re moving your hips in time to his thrusts, tugging on his hair to let him know to keep going. Hearing your best friend make noises of pleasure, noises you’re not supposed to hear from him, is making you only desire more.

Seonghwa shifts positions, just enough so that your legs are bent back so he can hit your sweet spot with every jerk of his hips. Your hands fall to the bedsheets once more, digging into them as he fucks you.

“You look so fucking beautiful taking my cock,” He grunts and runs his hand through his hair quickly with one hand to get it out of his eyes.

The gesture, so familiar, one you’ve seen him do often, strikes you in the chest. His desperation is evident in his eyes, in his voice, in every action he’s taken since he grabbed your wrist earlier. This is still your best friend, the realization dawning, this is still Seonghwa.

You’re just seeing all aspects of him now.

You aren’t sure what compels you to reach for his hand but you do, sliding it up to your neck. His eyes light up at what you’re requesting, that shark’s grin returning so quickly that it sends a shiver down your spine. His hand tightens around your neck while he fucks you. The muscles on his arm tightens; he pushes you back against the pillows while fucking you hard and fast.

“I’d do anything for you,” He repeats, voice breaking, “I’d have done anything you ever wanted if you just asked.” The pleasure is overtaking him and his mind is wandering, jumping from topic to topic, telling you all the things he’s ever thought about. “Fuck, my hand around your neck…” He grips you harder and you make a small noise which only drives his cock harder in your hole. “You look like a ragdoll taking my dick with your lips parted like that. I watched you through your window last week. You looked so tired. I thought – fuck, I thought about my hands around your neck, choking you while I fucked you into oblivion so you could sleep.”

I watched you through your window last week.

The angle and his hand on your neck is bringing you to another climax which you didn’t think could be possible. You can barely breathe, can barely move your hips to meet his thrusts. You’re so close to finishing, watching how Seonghwa’s eyes never leave your face, how intensely he is staring at you, no expression on his face as he fucks you.

With the little air you have left, you ask the question again. “Tell me what you’d do for me.” The words are so soft that you aren’t sure anyone else but Seonghwa could have heard them – he’s just too in tune with you.

“I’d fucking kill for you.”

And you’re cumming on his cock then. Seonghwa releases his grip on your neck so he can hear your hoarse moans. He hasn’t stopped fucking you, moving his hips the entire time you’re orgasming. You keep saying his name, your hips moving to meet his thrusts, making more noise than you ever have before.

Seonghwa pulls out, wiping the sweat from his brow before leaning forward, grabbing your face and going, “Open your mouth.” You do immediately and he spits in your mouth lewdly before kissing you hungrily. When it ends, he says roughly, “I’m gonna cum in your cunt now. Get on your knees.”

Your body protests a little while doing so, tired and sore from cumming so much and being fucked so hard. But once your ass is in the air, Seonghwa’s hands are on your hips, pulling you back onto his cock. He doesn’t waste any time and you know he must be dying to finish. You’re not used to someone putting their pleasure last like this.

The change in angle feels so good and you moan, prompting Seonghwa to go, “You’re cock starved, I love it. I love hearing you want more of me.” His hands slide to your lower back. “I love hearing you want me and none of those idiots you’ve wasted time on. All those fucking idiots. Made me sick.” He’s slamming his hips against your ass, his balls smacking against your pussy with each hurried thrust. “Makes me fucking sick to think of them touching you instead of me. They never deserved you. They never understood you, not like I did.”

You’re sinking into the bed, the weight of his hands on your lower back giving you no choice, your ass high in the air now as Seonghwa fucks you mercilessly. His voice is slurring at the edges, his words hazy like small things being tugged towards the light for the first time.

“I knew they couldn’t fuck you like I could or take care of you like I could. Just idiots, circling around you and I tried so hard to be nice. I wanted to be nice to those idiots because of you. Everything I do is because of you because I love you so much. F-fuck,” He does a particularly hard thrust and groans, “I wasn’t perfect. I knew I was doing bad things. Getting them fired from jobs. Snooping through their emails. Slashing their tires. I knew –” His breath caught, and his hands move to your ass, gripping it hard enough to leave marks. “I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help myself. I was in love with you for so long and sometimes it’s enough to drive a man crazy.”

Seonghwa is fucking you so hard that you can’t even move. You lay against the bed, taking his cock, your eyes almost rolling into the back of your head from how it good it is. You couldn’t speak even if you wanted to. The way he’s fucking you combined with his speech is making your head utterly blank – it just feels so good. All of it feels so good. You think your tongue might be poking out from between your lips. All you know is he’s going to make you finish again.

“I’m gonna fuck you like this every night, I’m gonna – fuck. I’m gonna take care of you and I’m going to fuck you and no one is ever going to bother you again because you’re mine now. Tell me you’re mine, I want to hear you tell me.”

Using the last of your energy, you moan out, “I’m yours, I belong to you, I’m yours.”

Seonghwa grunts, giving one last thrust while going, “Now take my load in that sweet cunt of yours.”

His cum is warm in your cunt as he empties his balls, filling you up until it’s leaking out of your hole. You’re finishing again as well, perfectly in sync with your best friend. You’ve fallen on the bed, making an unholy amount of noise from the intense orgasm, completely overstimulated. Seonghwa has pulled out of your cunt, leaving a long strand of cum along your lower back as he finishes.

Your eyes are closed, feeling completely fucked out. Your tongue is heavy in your mouth; you couldn’t speak even if you wanted to. Seonghwa shifts behind you, sliding off the bed, leaving the room. A few moments later, he returns and you can feel a towel along your back, cleaning you up before he shifts, sliding closer to your body.

Seonghwa’s arms carefully wrap around you, pulling your body towards him. You curl up against his chest, eyes closing. He’s kissing the top of your head, his fingers trailing along your back in gentle touches. All his earlier energy is gone, depleted, and now he is soft and inviting.

You tilt your face to look at Seonghwa, reaching upwards to graze his jawline with your fingertips. He kisses them too. Would it be so wrong to have everything with him? To be so adored and loved with someone who has known you forever? His eyes are cutting through your defenses, nuzzling into the soft spot of your brain that should know better.

Your lips find his.

A cloud covers the moon.

You’re wearing just one of Seonghwa’s shirts, sitting on the edge of his bed in the morning light. He left twenty minutes ago to get coffee from your favourite spot, leaving you alone in his apartment.

You’re thinking about him.

You’re thinking about the soft kisses he gave you upon waking, his smile that you know so well, the way he looked shirtless in the morning light.

He had cupped your cheek, said he was going to get coffee and you felt a pang at him leaving, even for just a little while. Even just for twenty minutes.

Relief swoops through you when the front door opens, and Seonghwa calls your name. He comes down the hallway and stops in the doorway. His jacket is already removed, just wearing a hastily thrown on Star Wars t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He places one coffee cup on his dresser, running his fingers through his hair with his hand. He’s smiling, sitting down next to you.

“I missed you,” He admits bashfully, holding onto your coffee, his eyes dropping to your lap, “Should I keep it?”

Your hands are curled around the handle of the axe. You look at the blade; your reflection is distorted. He rests his chin on your shoulder, peering at you, waiting for your choice. Everything with Seonghwa is your choice because he loves you so much. He doesn’t question that you’ve been sitting in his bed, holding his axe, lost in thought.

You’ve been thinking about what is right, what’s wrong and what you want.

�� You kiss his forehead, and he makes a noise of contentment.

“You should keep it,” You declare, shifting the axe into his lap carefully. “Just in case.”

Seonghwa grins cheerfully.

“Yeah, just in case.”

the end.

#ateez fics #ateez smut #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa fics #seonghwa smut #the heart's filthy lesson #kpop fic #100 notes #500 notes

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certifiedyapperx · 18 days

Text

Captain John Price • broken.

PAIRING: John Price x Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: the result of my poll. in short, you tell your captain that the reason you’ve only dated one man is because your ex said you were broken due to your inability to orgasm; and price offers to show you that the only thing broken was your confidence.

WORD COUNT: 5.3k (got carried away.)

TAGS: 18+, PURE FILTHY SMUT MDNI, Slight Degradation, Praise, Multiple Orgasm, PIV, Semi-Public Sex, Dirty Talk, Absurd amount of swearing, Fingering, Price being daddy as fuck.

"What about that ex girlfriend of yours, Gaz?"

As soon as those words left the Scottish lads lips, everyone in the room was giggling like a lot of fucking schoolgirls. You'd be lying if you said that didn't include yourself.

"You want to talk about ex girlfriends now, Soap?" Gaz sat forward in his chair, eyeing his grinning teammate from across the room, the grip on his glass so tight you were worried it'd shatter between his fingers. "What about that woman you boned in Prague? The one that wanted, oh--how do I say it...a little ride on train 141."

"Nuthin' little about that train." Ghost added through a choked chuckle, barely able to get the words out.

Your fucking abdomen was starting to get sore from the amount of laughing you'd done tonight. These men were absolutely ridiculous. You'd never heard more obscene sex stories in your damn life, and they've got a bloody abundance of them--the back and fourth taunting over who fucked who and who did what never seemed to end. It was almost three in the morning and they were still going strong.

"Aye," Soap leaned back in his chair, bringing his glass up to his lips and taking a slow sip, wide eyes gleaming as he reminisced. "Fuckn' wild one, that one. Had her nice and tamed for me by the end of that deployment.”

"Aye, the fucking woman whisperer, this one," Ghost chimed in again, his balaclava half pulled up, exposing his stubble-donned chin and grinning lips as he took a hefty swig of bourbon. Not even fazed. "Almost as smooth as Price."

Everyone in the room chuckled, nodding and muttering words of agreement, but you were stuck in place--still absentmindedly staring at Ghost while turning the words over in your mind, curiosity piqued.

"Price?" His name left your lips before you could even attempt to prevent it.

All eyes in the room shifted toward you, and Gaz cocked an eyebrow. "You've never heard any of his stories?"

Ghost shot him a look. "Clearly not."

"I mean, I've heard some..." you mumbled, awkwardly trying to fix the mess you've just made. Your gaze darted between the three men staring at you, each set of eyes glazed with confusion, clearly trying to figure out why you were so taken aback. "Captain is far more secretive than the rest of you."

You'd been on the team for a solid eight months. Since recruitment, you'd worked alongside Price every single fucking day, yet the man hardly ever spoke about his personal life.

Unlike the others, who seemed to never stop.

"Around you, yeah." Soap mumbled with a smirk, shooting a knowing glance toward Gaz who instantly returned it.

Your brows knit in confusion. "Around me?"

"Aye." Ghost replied for Soap, and you were practically sitting on the edge of your goddamn seat as you knew he wasn't finished. He shifted lower in his chair as his eyes traced up and down your form. "You're new. You're hot. You've never spoken a word about your own personal life. The man's a bloody nutcase, but he hides it well when he needs to--he probably doesn't want to scare you off."

"Scare me off?" You had to fight to keep your jaw off the floor. Trying to mask your confusion, you cleared your throat. "What's that supposed to mean?"

At your reaction, everyone chuckled again, and your face immediately flushed with blood--shading you the same crimson colour found on a ripe fucking tomato. If there was some joke happening here, it'd clearly flown way above your radar.

And yet, before you or anyone else could even consider speaking again, the man of the hour appeared in the doorway, and you nearly fell out of your chair.

"Valid question." He didn't even acknowledge you as he spoke, eyes fixed on Ghost as he took a step into the room.

Gods, he was fucking attractive—every molecule in your being screamed at the sight of him. You'd done everything you could to ignore that fact for the entirety of your time here, ensuring your focus was trained on keeping things professional--but after two glasses of whiskey and the current topic of conversation, the flood gates were wide fucking open.

"Go on, Ghost," his voice was low, deep as the depths of your desire as his ocean eyes slowly danced around the room. "...I'd like to know the answer as well."

Price took a seat across from you, slouching slightly and nodding toward Soap who promptly poured him a glass of burning brown liquid and slid it across the table. Ghost pulled down his balaclava in attempt to hide his cheeky fucking grin, shrugging as though he had no idea what his Captain was on about.

"Not sure what you mean, Cap." Ghost quipped, and you could practically hear the beaming delight in his words. "We're just talking."

"Hm," Price side-eyed him, humoured. "You always talk about me?"

"Only when you're not around." Soap chimed in, snuffing a groan in his throat as he'd downed the rest of his drink and stood up, shooting an inebriated nod to each of you. "Well, would you look at the time--I'm gonna' hit the sack. Duty calls, y'know."

Your stomach churned with confusion, your eyes glued to the Scottish bloke who decided it was convenient to make his exit the exact moment Price entered the room. You almost wanted to reach over and yank him back into his seat.

"Keep it classy ya filthy bastards."

He shot you a cheeky wink from beyond the door frame before disappearing into the abyss, only for Gaz and Ghost to rise from their seats as well, seemingly following Soap's lead, muttering excuses about how late it was and how exhausted they were.

Your mind raced at lightning speed, trying to make sense of the sudden exodus. You were going to kill those fuckers in the morning.

Price broke the silence before it had the chance to linger for too long. "It's not personal, you know."

Your heart slammed your sternum. You sucked in a breath and trapped it there. You needed to calm the fuck down--though that seemed like a goddamn impossible task at the moment. Prices' voice was the hypnotizing depth of a black hole. It stirred every last atom within you.

Avoiding his eyes, you straightened in your seat, clearing your throat. "I know."

"Do you?" He cocked an eyebrow, two fingertips tracing the rim of his glass. "I'm not so sure."

You looked up now--almost immediately regretting it as your eyes caught his. You forced words out of your mouth before you could acknowledge how the way he was looking at you made you feel.

"It's because I haven’t opened up to you..." you murmured. "Yeah?"

Price nodded, choosing to remain silent, his gaze anchoring you to the floor—every muscle stiff as stone.

You cleared your throat again. "Well. What do you want to know? My family? Where I grew up-"

"No." He cut you off, leaning forward, elbows resting on the table as his stare intensified. "...I already know all that. You're my recruit, I know everything about your past..." his head tilted, his eyes narrowed, and he pushed his glass to the side, clasping his hands together infront of him. "What I don't know, is why a woman as skilled, as smart, and as undeniably attractive as you, has only ever been with one man."

Blood crystallized in your veins, every ounce of your skin vibrating with an emotion you couldn't identify. He was so close—closer than you'd initially gauged—and that closeness ignited dormant desperation, one you'd nearly forgotten existed.

Your throat was thick. Saliva lodged inside it. "I..."

There was a reason. There was a very good reason as to why you've only been with one man, why you promised to never put yourself through that shit again. But you couldn't bring yourself to say it, you couldn't bring yourself to speak the words aloud. That would mean being vulnerable, humiliatingly vulnerable--one of the many things soldiers were trained not to be.

Captain Price hummed, leaning back slightly, and a swarm of unpreventable desire roared alive in your chest. His attention flicked over you. Like he'd felt it.

He remained silent. He was waiting for an answer.

"It's...um..."

Your brain filtered through pages of plausible excuses until it landed on one. Inhaling a breath, you forced the fibbing syllables past your teeth, shrugging in an attempt to make it believable.

"I just...never found anyone I jived with.”

Price paused, his scrutiny skinning you raw. It was like he knew what was waiting on the edge of your tongue, like he could smell the smoke swirling off the fire below your waist. He wasn't buying it.

"You can't lie to me." His words only confirmed your thoughts. "I mean, theoretically you could, though I'd advise against it."

You swallowed, forcing your eyes to your hands. "I'm not lying."

"Perhaps not," he replied, voice cool as ice. "But you're certainly omitting."

Fuck, he was good. And of course he was--there was a reason he was Captain. He was fucking bred for this. You were certain he could detect a lie from light years away.

"It's embarrassing," you replied, ignoring the thrilled leap your heart made that he'd read you so well. "You'll think less of me."

John Price leaned further across the small table, nibbling the distance between you. The intensity of his focus made your insides tangle, something was undoubtedly churning within his mind. A breath caught in your throat as his eyes held yours.

"I don't care," he stole another inch, and you could now comfortably say that he was well within your personal space. "If this is going to work, there has to be trust. Because you should trust me—as your Captain, and as your friend..." in a single abrupt movement, he stood up, towering over you, eyes boring into the top of your head until he shifted toward the door. "...when you're ready to open up to me, I’ll open up to you."

Ice braced your veins. This was the most conversation you'd had with your Captain since you joined the team, and you were about to blow it with your inability to talk to him. To just telling him the fucking truth. He took a step back from the table, began moving toward the door, and you panicked.

You let him get two steps from reaching it before you jumped up, out of your seat. "Wait!"

Time was a relative concept. But as your Captain spun, and as you linked eyes with him, it slowed. Stopped.

You cleared your throat for the millionth time. "It's because...it's because I'm broken."

Price's eyes widened, only momentarily, before they narrowed--out of curiosity or skepticism, you couldn't tell.

"You’re broken." He said, drawing the words out on his tongue while taking a slow, lengthy step toward you. "Elaborate."

You dropped your eyes to the floor again, catching sight of his brown, rugged combat boots as they stepped into your line of sight. Heat flashed your face, and you shifted on your feet.

"My...my ex...um," your voice was barely above a whisper. Something felt gut-wrenchingly humiliating about having this conversation with your fucking Captain. "He, he kinda fucked with my head, I guess. Made me never want to date again."

You heard an exhale, a huff of enticed breath leaving lungs.

"I think," Price eased closer, and you caught whiff of his cologne--the scent engulfing your senses, sending hunger snarling and snapping for relief. "...you're omitting again."

"Why?..." you blurted, trailing your gaze past the vast expanse of his strong chest and up to his gleaming eyes peering down at you. You blinked. "...do you think that?"

Price raised a brow. "Am I wrong?"

"No, it’s just…” you closed your eyes, took a breath. Let it out. No point in lying. Just rip off the fucking bandaid. "He broke up with me because I couldn't orgasm. He said I was broken because of it. It’s dumb, but it hurt.”

Gods, it felt so fucking stupid that you had to smile, had to damn near laugh at yourself. As much as it sounded so foolish, you'd always just considered that maybe something was actually wrong with you. After all, he was your first, and your only—and the fact that you could never orgasm bothered you, too.

However, when you finally reopened your eyes, swallowing whatever ounces of pride you had left, you found a depth to your Captain's ocean irises that was not there before.

There was something floating inside them, now--something primal, something depraved.

"Interesting." His hand raised from his side, grazing over your cheek and coming to a slow on your neck, the tips of his fingers skimming over your racing pulse. "Broken."

Any blood that had been left in your head was now plummeting to your core.

"Broken." You whispered.

Price exhaled, his breath caressing your face, and you bit your lip to stifle the whimper that wanted to thrust itself past your teeth. Never once would you have considered the thought of actually fucking your Captain--but right here, right now, with the way he was touching you, analyzing you, palpably tempting you--it was becoming more difficult to deny the physical need steaming from your pores.

"This,” his voice was so deep it made your blood sweat, his thumb stroking your pulse. "Doesn't feel broken at all."

Adrenaline surged you, ambushing your lungs with rapid breath, flares of lust sparking over your skin. You leaned into his touch, and he let out a sound that was somewhere between a hum and a straight up growl.

Your pulse soared, your hand finding his wrist. “Captain…”

It would be lying to say you thought this was a good decision. But you couldn't find a fuck within you. After years of denying yourself any sort of physical touch due to the shame that consumed you, Price had perceived it without effort and ordered you strip yourself of pretense in his presence.

"Let me show you...." Price wedged a boot between your feet, his hips brushing yours, other hand finding your hip. "...that the only thing broken is your confidence."

You nearly whimpered. "Please."

Without further contemplation, your eyes darted to his lips the same millisecond his darted to yours, and you both moved at once. Price groaned, one hand shooting into your hair, the other supporting the small of your back, tugging you close. His hungry mouth captured yours, teeth nipping your lower lip as he spun you around and pushed you back against the table.

You groaned into his mouth, your ass hitting the cool metal with abrupt force. His lips attacked your jawline, moved down to your neck, and another groan escaped you, this time in bliss.

"Fuck," you cursed under your breath, throwing your hips into his, allowing desperation to guide you. "Captain..."

A low, menacing noise reverberated in his throat and he seized your neck again, bringing his mouth to your ear.

"My name," he took the lobe between his teeth, earning a squeak. "Say it."

"John—" You gasped, clawing at his back. "Shit."

"Mm. Good girl. So obedient..." he purred, tracing his mouth along the curve of your ear. "So responsive."

"Fuck." Every new beat of your heart brought a desperate pulse to your cunt. His fingers found your hair again, curling into a fist. "John...please..."

Your Captain hummed, just as his lips moved back to your pulse and attacked it, sucking rough rabid marks to the surface, his hips grinding against yours. Your eyelids fluttered shut, and he moved lower, releasing your head to work on removing your clothes.

Before your belt even hit the floor, he was tearing off your shirt and tugging off your bra--exposing your breasts to the cool air of the dimly lit room, surging goosebumps to life that he was quick to cover with his hands, taking the fresh tissue between them and kneading it.

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath, to himself you presumed. "You're fucking perfect."

There was one brief second of thought surrounding the notion that any one of your teammates could walk in and find the two of you here—but that thought was quickly lost as Price leant down and sucked one of your nipples into his mouth. You squealed, squeaking in pleasure, and his grip possessed your hips.

"So sensitive..." he said with a grunt. Your Captain wasn't just hungry—he was starved, more voracious by the second, spurred on by your reactions. "Fucking hell."

He leaned back, hooked his fingers under the waist of your pants and pulled, unconcerned for the ripping seams as he forced them down the curve of your thighs. Your head rung, entire body tingling. Paralyzed, you watched your Captain tear off your boots and rip your pants free, tossing them all to the side.

"Fuck me." He muttered again, returning his sights to your figure. "Look at you."

Price examined you like a meal, gaze traveling from your collarbone to your breasts, down past the curve of your belly to the swell of your hips, coming to a slow between your quivering thighs.

Adrenaline had got you this far. Reality was setting in. "Captain..."

"Shh," calloused hands found your hips, urging you back against the desk, spreading your legs further apart as he inserted himself between them. "I already told you what to call me."

You shuddered, twitching from his touch, and the corner of his lip quirked. Smouldering blue eyes searing into your skin. "John, I—"

His thumbs slid close to your heat, dipping into the crease and teasing close to the edge of your thong. Reality was a plummeting star, crashing down into your mind without regard. Nerves were consuming you, fingers digging into his biceps in attempt to stop them from shaking.

"You...what?" His voice was practically a lullaby. How something so deep could be so soothing was beyond your comprehension. "Go on, pretty thing..."

"I just..." you shifted your hips, trying to balance fear with desire. "I'm just...I don't want to disappoint you..."

Price assessed you, only for a moment, gracing your thigh with a stern yet gentle smack before trailing upward.

"Enough." It was an order. "I want you out of that beautiful mind."

He brushed his finger across your cunt, grazing over your swollen clit, and you choked, hips snapping toward him.

"Don't think..." the power in his words was intoxicating, a command given with the confidence of knowing you'd obey. He teased your clit again and you whinged, gripping him harder. "...just feel."

Before a coherent thought could enter your head, he pulled your panties to the side with two thick fingers, not giving you a second to brace for it before he used those same fingers and sank them into your tight, aching cunt.

"Oh—fuck-"

You groaned, head tossed back, walls tightening around the delicious stretch as he pried you open with slippery ease. The intensity, the fullness from just his fingers stole your breath, dizzied your mind, and you closed your eyes, trying to ignore the growling breath escaping his lungs, trying to ground yourself as much as you could.

"Christ...tight little cunts just soaked..." he was right, you were dripping. You couldn't ever remember being this wet. In truth, you couldn't ever remember being this turned on, this desperate for touch. "Tell me how that feels."

"G-oh, fuck—" any additional words you had planned on using instantly died on your tongue as Price curled inside of you, pushing deep, every coherent thought fleeing your mind with a moan. Your entire body pulsed for him, like he'd shaken every cell awake and enthralled it under his possession. "John—oh, Gods!"

It wasn't like you'd never been fingered. It'd just never felt like this.

Something about the trained motion of his hand, the skilled curl of his wrist, the attunement to your body was consuming you--the need for more only increasing as he found a perfect rhythm, fucking slow, reaching to your belly while his thumb circled your sensitive clit. Your cunt throbbed, squeezed around him, as if to coax him deeper inside of you.

"Needy little thing," an amused huff at the corner of your consciousness. You forced yourself to look at him—he was smirking. "Tell me how it feels."

Desperation was throbbing at your temples, growling and coiling in your belly—unfathomable, incredible desperation stalling your lungs. Unfamiliar, but entirely absentmindedly as Price stroked your walls, stroked your clit, and you were gasping, you were—

"So fucking good—" you were practically screaming, brain a mangled mess of aimless words. "Cap—John, I—I'm-"

His free hand seized your jaw, forcing you to look up into his eyes, his fingers still keeping their pace, your vision blurring to bliss. "You're?"

You gasped. "I’m-"

"You’re close." Fire flooded your flesh, and you mewled like a nervous, helpless animal. His grip tightened. Intensity and power radiating off him in waves. "S’ that what you want, little slut? Hm? You wanna’ fuckin’ cum for your Captain, don’t you?”

“Yes!” No thought required. “Pleasepleaseplease-“

“Mhm. That’s right, that’s right—“ he was just as gone as you were. Air rattled in your lungs like rocks. Your vision blurring as you held onto him like your life depended on it. “Cum on my fingers, darling, let me feel you.”

A scream shredded your throat, submerged in a storm of euphoria, sight whiter than the gates of heaven themselves. Convulsions wracked you, quaked to your bones, and you heaved, hunting for air while he worked you through the receding tide of your release.

“Good fuckin’ girl.” He growled, the arrogance in his tone palpable. “Look how easy that was, hm?”

Your Captian pulled his fingers from cunt and yanked you off the table by the hold on your jaw—you stumbled into him, wetness seeping down your thighs, brain given less than two seconds to process the slew of events before his slick covered fingers were at your lips and pushing past your teeth.

"The way I see it, soldier—there are two possible explanations here." He shoved his fingers deeper, reaching for the back of your throat. "Either you somehow managed to lie to me..." he pressed against you, his desire evident in the way it was jabbing against your stomach. "Or this tight little cunt has never been properly sated."

Your heart was in your feet, your lips sealed around his fingers as you held his eyes, a shade of blue so deep you'd almost thought you were staring into the depths of the ocean. His pupils were blown wide with lust, it was clear what he was getting at—and judging by the way your cunt clenched in response to his words, it was clear that you felt the same.

He pulled his fingers from your mouth, looking for a response. You gave the only words you could think of. "I didn’t lie…I’ve had sex, Captain...I’ve just never done—that.”

"Well I think I've just proven that it wasn’t due to any fault of your own." His words were backing you into a corner, an explanation that was challenging to draw yet completely impossible to now ignore. "I got you there in seconds."

Your face grew hot. “So..what are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” he assessed you, eyes looking past you, through you. “Your ex didn’t know what he was doing.” he leaned in closer, plush lips curling into a mischievous grin. “All you needed was someone who knew how to handle you.”

"Hm." The arrogance was stifling, setting you ablaze. It only made you want him more. "Cocky bastard."

"Cocky," he repeated with a raised brow. "You have no idea, princess.”

"You know what, Captain," you teased with a smirk of your own, unable to tear your sights off him. His eyes. His lips. "I think you just got lucky."

“Luck.” He chuckled—a deep, growling thing. "I don’t do luck, soldier. I do facts.” Price shifted a hand to his crotch, palming his erection through his pants as he pressed against you. “Fact one, I just gave you your first orgasm.” He was possessed, hungry, borderline rabid. “Fact two, I could do it again on my cock. If you’d like.”

And you, you were his eager, willing prey.

"Shit," you muttered, the words shooting straight to your cunt. You didn’t need any further discussion. You wanted him, and nothing could stop the next words from leaving your lips. "Please...please fuck me..."

Your Captain growled. The sweet desperation of your pleas sending him past the point of salvation. He sucked in a breath. Trapped it there—internally clutching whatever ounces of restraint he had left.

"You sure you want this?" His voice was so fucking low you almost missed it. His fingers moved to his belt, and his lips moved to your ear. "I'm not so sure you can take it."

"I'm built for combat, Captain..." you murmured with a grin, spurred on by the evidence of his throbbing desire, fingers trailing toward his belt to help him along. "I'm sure I'll be fine."

Price huffed against your jawline. Amused.

"You’re built for combat, undoubtedly..." you watched as he pulled free his thick, heavy cock. Your jaw slackened, your mouth watered. "But by the time I'm done with you, darling..." he seethed in relief as he guided his hand back and forth along his length, other one directing you back against the table. "You'll be built for me."

A sharp intake of breath found your lungs and then you were lying flat against the table, cool metal biting your backside and ripping goosebumps to the surface of your skin. You shuddered, seething in discomfort, but two strong hands made quick work to soothe them, coasting up your thighs until they found your hips, and then he stepped forward.

"Christ..." you whimpered as he loomed over you, the warm head of his cock rolling over your clit, teasing you with false thrusts, making sure you were well aware of just how long and fucking thick he was. "John..."

"Quiet." He purred, fingers digging into the flesh of your hips. "Just let me break you open."

His heavy, smooth tip pressed against your entrance and then pushed in, head just barely spearing you yet somehow still splitting your cunt with a girth that stole your breath and forced a cry from your throat. With a breathless groan he pulled out, and you squeezed your eyes shut, bracing.

He smacked your thigh again. “Look at me.” He hissed, teeth sinking into the plush of his bottom lip as you instantly obeyed. “That’s it. Eyes on me.”

There was a mere second of silence before he sank in again, entirely this time—and though you were fucking sopped and pliant and voracious, he tore you wide with a sting.

"Oh—fuck-"

You fought for air, your body trembling, fingers clawing at anything that might steady you. He’d stuffed you full with ease, lungs heaving upon impact. Both big hands tightened around you, and he slid out, driving into you again with a hidden hiss of air, earning a loud, shameless groan from your lips.

"Fucking hell.” A dark, low voice rumbled from his throat. "Tight little whore. So fucking tight—"

"You're—oh, fuck—" words died on your tongue as he pulled out, pushed in again, sucking in air through his teeth, working you wider with each plunge into your pussy. You clenched around him, and he snuffed a moan, snapping his hips. "You're fucking huge."

"Mhm, yeah," it was a shameless admission. He placed a palm on your pelvis, pressing down, feeling himself fucking into you. He leaned back slightly, drawing long, slow strokes, forcing you to quake around every inch of his length. "That's how fucking deep I'm in you."

And deep he fucking was. Every centimeter banishing the ability to do anything other than exist as a stammering sheath for his cock. It wasn't penetration—it was pervasion, it was domination. Sex had never felt this intense. Sex had never felt this fucking tranquilizing.

"Christ—Cap-John—fuck—"

Price slid out and rocked in, driving to your stomach with a stab of blissful pain. Eyes snapping shut, you gripped his arms, seething when he thrusted again, and again. Each stroke shoved a cry from your chest, tightened your walls, and this only seemed to entice him, his cock splitting you apart. You scratched at his shoulders, fighting to find yourself in the bewildering delirium.

"There we go." His voice was distant in the sea of pleasure. "Look at you. Brainless on my fucking cock."

Your response was a moan, loud and shameless, gripping onto his arms and matching his rhythm, forcing your hips to his, a plea—faster, harder, more, more. Your Captain hissed in satisfaction, and his hand snaked between you, rolling and teasing your clit.

Your vision blurred for the hundredth time. "Oh, fuck—"

Delirium ascended into ecstasy, pleasure amplified by the stretch of his dick. He fucked into you, his skin smacking yours, his breath heaving in feral huffs.

"Fucking perfect pussy," he growled through his teeth, shifting your legs together and directing both ankles over his left shoulder, his thrusts slowly slightly as you gasped and whimpered, clawing at his hips, the new position causing the head of his cock to kiss your cervix with each thrust. "Mm, fuck...this is what you needed, darling. You needed a proper fucking."

"Fuck," you replied, brain numbed by bliss. Words didn't even make sense. "Deep. So fuck—deep—"

"Fuck—take it, take it little slut." His thumb was back on your clit, swirling it in tight, fast circles, his cock fucking deep into you. "I warned you."

"John—" You needed to scream, fingers clawing at anything they could find. If you weren't broken before, you’d certainly be broken when he was done with you. "Fuck—"

Bliss burned to burst, stars swarmed your sight entirely, and you knew it, knew it was happening, knew that you were about to break. The feeling was so intense you didn't know what to do with yourself, you weren't sure if you could even get the words out to warn him.

Your eyes squeezed shut. "Fuck—I'm—I-I'm..."

"Yeah, that's right." He hissed, teeth barred, hips snapping. He already knew. "Cum for me. Cum on my fucking cock."

Lightning euphoria ripped up your spine with a shameless shriek, your climax shattering you. Your cunt milked his dick, your thighs spasming, your back reached for the ceiling, pleasure possessing your nerves.

"There we go—good little fucking slut—squeezing me so good," it seemed an eternity--he was still fucking you through it, breaking you deep, until he edged his climax. "Fucking hell."

He sputtered, pummelling your cunt with sloppy final thrusts, pouring his cum inside you, grip gouging your flesh until he descended, meeting you in the receding tides of your peaks. Both of you twitched with aftershocks, both of you seeking air.

Once he stalled, you sucked in a long inhale and peeled your eyes open, taking in your surroundings for the first time in however many minutes it had been. The room was still as dim and dreary as it was prior to your mind shattering, the only thing now different was your Captain—who remained looming over the table, cock still buried inside you, precipitation lining his forehead and chest still heaving for breath, piercing gaze perceiving you like a sated predator.

With a glance at your lips, he finally moved, pulling back and out of you, tucking himself away. It was then that reality struck you hard—you'd just fucked your Captain. And he'd just shattered the preconceived notions of everything you thought you knew.

You were not broken. You were perfectly fucking fine.

Price cleared his throat as you pulled yourself off of the table and stood. "Y'alright?"

You nodded, grabbing your pants off the floor. "Yes, Sir."

Shame engulfed you, for reasons you couldn't explain. Embarrassment threatened to swallow you whole.

"Hey." Sensing this, Price stepped forward, placing a gentle hand on your arm. "Don't do that."

Your eyes fixed on his. Outlining his perfectly tamed facial hair, his striking blue eyes. "Do what?"

"Avoid me." He simply stated, his voice hardly above a whisper. "All this was, was me proving to you that you're not broken. You're the furthest from. It doesn't have to be any more than that."

"I know…just feel stupid, I guess.” Your face was in flames. You swallowed your pride until it was digested. There was no room for that here, not after what’d just happened. “I, uh, I should have told you sooner. I’m sorry.”

Price regarded you with eyes warm as the summer sun, shaking his head ever-so-slightly. “I wanted you to open up to me. Willingly. I never pry.”

You cracked a smile, slipping on your shoes. “You got your wish, then. Emotionally and physically.”

“Aye.” Your captain chuckled, reaching for the bottle of whiskey and plopping himself into a seat, sliding a glass across the table toward you. “My turn, yeah?”

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uranometrias · 17 days

Text

✮ꜜ : ❛ long time coming : aaron hotchner x fem! reader

pairing: aaron hotchner x bau! reader

summary: after getting hurt out in the field, you're on leave for a month. coming back felt long overdue, that is until your plans with the team lead you to a situation that feels a bit too close for comfort after such a traumatic time. what's worse, your feelings you've harbored for your boss have no choice but to come to light when he makes the odd choice to address you as 'agent' rather than your name after one month of being apart, and years and years of back and forth will-they-wont-they.

content warnings: making out. allusions to sexual assault + r4pe (but only in the context of the case). reader has slight signs of PTSD. anxiety/panic attacks. reader runs into a few pushy men while out at the club. drinking / drunk confessions. reader has a crush on her boss, it is also implied that reader finds derek attractive, and he reciprocates these feelings. hotch is very good at calming reader down. no usage of y/n. reader is described as having shoulder length hair (can be read as a wig/weave) angry/disappointed hotch! reader has been hiding her anxiety / nightmares / memory issues from the team. mentions of vomiting. kissing. mentions of elle & the events of the fisher king. no distinct timeline, but can be read as s7 with the iconic team (hotch, emily, derek, jj, penelope, rossi, & spencer)

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"Okay, I didn't know we were going all out. I would've prepared better." you smile shyly as Jennifer pulls you into a tight hug. When Penelope had called you early that morning with an excited decree that you'd been cleared to return to work you hadn't been sure how to feel. You hadn't bothered to ask how Garcia of all people was privy to information you hadn't received from your bosses yet, there was no getting a straight answer when it came to the Technical Analyst.

It had been her idea for the entire team to get together. You'd been out of the office for a full month, and in that time you'd tried your hand at maintaining your bonds with the rest of the group. It of course wasn't the same, but you knew that you'd needed the time. The last time you'd joined them on a case things had gone horribly wrong. You shudder at the thought, you had been doing so good at forgetting about it all, but seeing them again made it all come back.

The unsub had been your run-of-the-mill anger excitation rapist, a creep that had been using an elaborate ruse to entice and entrap women. It had been Emily's idea for the two of you to go undercover, the unsub had been killing two women every week, women who in many ways were polar opposites of one another, a trait that you and Emily shared. Long story short, in the midst of your plan to lure and trap the Unsub, you'd been separated from Emily and cornered.

You’d been carted off by the creep who kept you stuck for three hours before the team used his mistake to find you. By then though, the damage had been done. You remember the look on Rossi's face when he and Hotch came busting in, and found you looking bruised up with a bloody face, and a gun barrel to the side of your head. You'd never seen Hotch quite as scared, at least not since everything with Foyet nearly three years ago when he lost Haley and almost Jack.

You'd been too out-of-sorts to hear the way they'd tried to reason with the Unsub. And you hadn't realized your abdomen was losing blood until a gunshot rang out, bullets whizzing past your head as the unsub curled into himself before falling to the ground. You didn't know much, you thought maybe your eardrums had exploded with the way they were ringing, and you'd half expected to smack your head against the ground and end up with an annoying concussion.

Instead, you'd been met with the sight of your boss. He'd yelled something you weren't privy to, mouth moving as he seemingly forced the rest of the team out of their stupor long enough to get a medic inside to look you over. It was like you said, the details were fuzzy, but nothing had managed to wipe Hotch's worried expression as he fussed over your safety, out of your mind. However, if you were honest with yourself for one measly second, that was nothing new.

Nothing seemed to fill up your mind the way your boss did, and it was stupid, and deplorable all things considered. But it's not like it had even been something you'd asked for. It just happened one day. You shake these thoughts of your near paralyzing emotions away, pulling yourself back to the present as you took in JJ, who despite her perceived candor looked great. "Oh come on Jaige." you huff, and you appraise her more openly. "You look amazing, as usual."

She grins, albeit shyly, and she's waiting, maybe for your approval maybe for something else. She's trying to be discreet as she sweeps your for obvious reminders of what happened, and you feel nervous. Most of your injuries had healed up well enough, and the scratches that littered your face had been covered in a smattering of makeup. You felt comfortable in your pretty girl cocoon, all done up with a bright smile on your face that was surprisingly believable.

"Can I hug you?" she asks, and you can tell she's been holding it in, waiting to ask. You nod your head, a quiet chuckle escaping you as the blonde seems to scoop you into her arms. She's careful not to squeeze too tight, but the love is felt all the same. "God, it's been so weird without you around." she hums, and while the rest of the team is already huddled inside, probably in a booth Penelope picked, you're so happy she's the one here telling you this now.

"Now you know how we all felt when they sent you to the Pentagon." you whisper back, and you hear her bemused giggle as she steps back, and she takes you in again. Your red minidress was a stark contrast to the usual business-casual attire you wore everyday to work. Your hair was curled, pinned back with a gold claw clip, hair just barely ghosting over the divots of your collarbones. You'd opted for a shorter do' following everything with the unsub.

"Never leave us again." she pleads, and you feel this warmth blossoming in your chest at the way she's staring at you, almost like she really means it. You'd joined the team back when Elle and Gideon had still been around. At one point you'd been the rookie, the new girl nobody knew what to expect from. JJ had been right there beside you, even back then. She had been sweet, assertive, your first real friend on the team. She'd welcomed you before anyone else.

In time of course, things had changed, JJ had a husband, kids, a hoard of other units that were plotting on her skills at all times, but she was still JJ. Still that same first friend that helped you to see the Behavioral Analysis Unit was the only place for you. "I'll do my best." you promise, and she grins. She links arms with you before you both head inside the bar. There was music playing, some alternative indie song that wasn't half bad.

"Here's the girl of the hour now." Emily exclaims, and it's clear they've already started tossing back shots. JJ's head is instantly shaking in mortification. So it was going to be one of those nights. Penelope meets you both, pulling JJ from your arms and leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek sweetly, before she's turning to you. She's got tears already brimming in her eyes, and you can't help but giggle at the dramatics of it all.

"I'm so happy to see you." she squeals, and you find yourself hugging back despite the sting of your abdomen. "You look so beautiful." she adds a second afterwards. "What are you looking to get lucky?" she asks, as she uses her hands to push you away slightly, hands resting gently on both of your shoulders. You feel your face growing hot at the implication, and you see the way she's looking at your facial expressions for a signal of your lies. Curse her proximity to profilers.

"I just wanted to look nice." you reply and Penelope lets you off the hook. She leads you to the table, and you're just in time to hear the group finish up their hellos to JJ. She's sitting next to Morgan, who's bright-eyed as he looks up at you. You find yourself fussing with your hair, playing it cool as you press your lips together, re-smearing your lipstick as you waved your hand.

You weren't sure why you felt like the new kid all over again.

"It's good to see you, pretty girl." he croons, and you grin. Morgan was flirty, had been since you met him, and if you weren't so disastrously into Hotch, you think he'd be all on your mind. Well, you know... more than he was. There had been times where you'd been partnered together, and it almost felt like the tension was going to cut you in half. Sexual tension aside though, Derek was your friend.

They all were, and despite what your mind tried to tell you as you sobbed yourself through nightmares during your break from work, they were genuinely happy to see you. "I'm glad you're okay." your eyes flit over to the youngest member of the team. Spence is looking relieved as he too looks up at you with eyes full of relief. He's next to Emily, and she's already downing another drink. She'd be complaining about a migraine the next day, you could hear her now.

"Thanks, Spence." you coo, and you offer him a wink as your eyes fall on the only present member of the team that hadn't addressed you. Rossi had made a point to send his hellos, but due to a previous standing appointment, he wouldn't be joining tonight. You couldn't hold it against him, Rossi was scoping the prairie for wife number four. He offers you a faint smile, the group instantly falling into chatter.

"H-Hey Hotch." you mumble, and he's closest to you, sitting on the outside of the booth as the rest of the team tried their hardest to pretend they weren't expecting this. He doesn't say anything for a moment, instead he takes you in. He wasn't blind, he'd seen you before, you'd always been beautiful, but there was something about you done up like this. Red dress, red lip, bold makeup, and heels that showed off your legs, and accented your model-esque posture.

It was obvious that you were still a bit nervous about being out and about, and you were out of practice with being around the team. He imagined after a bit though you'd be back to yourself. You, and the rest of the girls would be falling into a rhythm in no time. He stands to his feet, much taller than you, as you take a small step back to give him space. "It's good to see you up and about, Agent." and his voice is low, clearly as a courtesy to the bustling of conversation behind you.

"Agent?" you repeat, and the word is so foreign. It makes you take another step back, the bottoms of your Louboutin's clacking against the ground. You looked a bit hurt, but you played it off quickly. "Come on, Hotch. I think we're a little past those formalities." you chuckle awkwardly, and you find yourself looking towards the bar. Yeah, you were definitely going to need a drink. He seems to curse under his breath, but you're not sure if that's due to you, or some internal conflict you weren't privy to. You don't wait to figure it out either.

He doesn't have the opportunity to reply to your correction, because you're looking to Emily, JJ, and Garcia. "Wanna get some shots?" you ask, and you sidestep Aaron, making sure you don't look his way again, as the girls immediately exclaim their agreements. Penelope's sliding out of the booth first, Emily and JJ following her example as they head straight towards the bar. JJ's shooting you a knowing glance as she looks between Hotch and yourself.

"You coming boys?" you extend the invite to Derek and Spencer, who are quick to nod along, both men trailing after the others as they head to the counter to order more drinks. You prepare to follow after them, ready for the welcome respite from your mind swimming in circles.

"I didn't mean to offend you." you stop short, spinning on your heel to meet the gaze of your Unit Chief.

"Well you did." you reply, and your voice is small. "I've known you for almost seven years, and here you are treating me like a stranger." you mumble, and you find yourself tugging at your dress. "I mean, I know it's been a while, but geez Hotch, it's still me." you say and he winces. You're not sure what the last month has been like for the others, but you know what they've been like for you. Torturous. It's been Hell.

"I know." he says, and your eyebrow raises, unmoved by his words. "And again, I didn't mean to offend you." he promises, and he clenches and unclenches his fists by his side. "After everything that happened, I guess I just assumed you'd prefer a more professional approach." he mutters, and you scoff quietly. Classic Aaron Hotchner, running away from interpersonal conflict with his tail tucked between his legs. "You don't even seem comfortable with us tonight."

You blink. Okay well he had a point there, but you were trying.

"It's not that I'm not comfortable." you mutter, and you look over your shoulder at the rest of the team. "I guess I just didn't expect to feel so out of place being out and about." you shrug your shoulders bashfully. "Everyone's normal, everything seems the same." you continue, and you notice the way that Hotch's lips have pressed into a hard line. "And it's like no time has passed at all for anyone else, but for me it's like I never moved." you blink, shivering at the thought.

Hotch's eyebrows furrow inwardly as he takes in your words. "I still feel like I'm-" you trail off, feeling a wide lump growing in your throat. "It's like I never left." you course correct, eyes shutting briefly, lashes brushing against your cheekbones. "Like no matter how much time passes, it still feels like I'm there with him and I'm-"

"I understand." he cuts you off, you think maybe to salvage your pride or to keep you from having a panic attack at the thought. "And you're certain you're ready to come back to work? You know you can take all the time you need." he reminds you, and you are immediately nodding your head as you wave a tired hand his way.

"I can't stay cooped up in my house anymore." you mumble. "It's becoming counterproductive." you huff. "I'm ready." you add a second later. "Apart from this awkwardness, I'm also perfectly fine." and it's a lie, you'd been having nightmares every night. Restless, sleepless evenings full of dread, and jump scares of your own creation. "I mean, I'm here aren't I?" you offer a tight smile as you reach out and tap Hotch's shoulders twice, a tense little conversation ender.

You don't want to stay huddled up with him anymore, not while he was looking at you like he was trying to see into your soul. You turn on your heel, dress swishing side to side as you head for the group. You find yourself in between Emily and Penelope, the blonde to your left immediately sliding a drink in front of you. You down it in a second, the intense burn as the alcohol rested in your chest was a welcome reprieve from the anguish and anxiety you'd been feeling.

You forget about Hotch, and all your heavy feelings by the time you're on your third drink. Your heels feel much too heavy under your feet as you stumble into Emily, the brunette chuckling vibrantly as you hang off each other, the music playing overhead lulling you into a false sense of security. It was nice being like this again after so long, laughing at the dramatic banter between Derek and Penelope. You wondered if they'd remain purely platonic forever.

Trading gossip back and forth with Emily and JJ was always a treat, especially as Spencer tried to keep up with eyes wide as saucers while Emily finally cracked the secrets of her coveted Sin-To-Win weekends. You weren't sure what was funnier, the peeks into Emily's life outside the unit, or the horrified looks that crossed Spence's face with every new tidbit of knowledge he learned about his coworkers. You found your eyes flickering over to Hotch again.

He was stoic as ever, but looser than he would be in the office. He seemed to enjoy being a quiet observer much more than he preferred to be in the mix. He leisurely swirled his glass of scotch, and you felt that familiar buzz of warmth in your chest when you managed to catch him smiling as he quietly passed conversation back and forth with a newly drunk Penelope, and Derek, who looked exasperated.

"Are you just gonna stare at him all night?" you jump a bit, turning to face Emily with surprise swirling in your irises. "If you keep it up, he's gonna catch you." she adds a second afterwards and you tense, head nodding as you scold yourself. You peel away from the bar, drink clutched in your hand. You had to get away from the bar for a second, maybe the cluttered dance floor would be the best distraction.

"Sorry." you mutter, and Emily offers a airy laugh. "He's just usually so serious." you lean into Emily, who nods along. She'd met Hotch after you, but still she'd managed to become so close to him it was almost surreal. She seemed to always know what he was thinking, they were in sync. Unlike you, who seemed to always be on the other end of a hard stare from the man. For a while you just began to assume he hated your guts. Or better put, he was indifferent to your existence.

That was why his look, that look he'd given you as he cradled your head while he waited for backup had been burned into your skull. All that went out of the window the second he'd labeled you 'Agent' though. God, how stupid were you? Emily's amusement makes your eyes roll. "Can I be honest?" she asks, and you nod. Penelope and JJ have migrated to the dance floor, JJ grabbing the good doctor and bringing him along with them. He looks incredibly uncomfortable.

"Sure, Em. If you think it will help." you reply audibly.

"I haven't seen him this relaxed since everything went down." she admits, and you're surprised. As if somehow your presence had been enough to set the stone-serious man at ease. "The first few days after your accident he was a mess." she adds, and she's got a surprising about of stability to her tone to be as inebriated as she was. She lowers her voice some as she leans into you, "He showed up late." she mutters this like it's some sworn secret just meant for the both of you.

"I'm sure Strauss was just riding him about another mishap in the unit." you try, and Emily looks unconvinced and unimpressed with you. "He's our boss, it's kind of his job to worry about us." you finish.

"Yeah, I guess so." Emily concedes, and she looks like she's done talking about it, so you find yourself relaxing. "Still. I've never seen him go that hard against an unsub, maybe you're not the only person that's feeling something." she leaves you with that, trying to keep from tipping as she marched towards the group. You chuckle quietly to yourself, ignoring Emily's words as you focus on finishing your drink. It seemed you'd inadvertently been trying to be alone all along.

You felt some of the tension melt from your shoulders now that you were standing at the bar, away from those prying eyes you couldn't lie to. There's this sound of heavy footsteps, and then the clearing of a throat, as you turn to be met with the sight of a man. He looked to be about your age, cheeks and nose covered in a little smattering of freckles. He's got a head full of shaggy hair that hangs in his face. He takes a quick step, sliding up against the bar beside you.

Way too close.

"Hey." he mumbles, and you appraise him boredly. It's not like he was ugly or anything, but despite Penelope's words you were not looking to get lucky tonight.

"Hi." you offer a dry greeting, shuffling your weight from one foot to the other as the bar seemingly became a beacon for thirsty men. Just as you were politely stepping away from the freckled man, you found yourself bumping into another man who'd slithered up to the bar, your ass pressing against his crotch as his hands wound around your waist. A sleazy chuckle escapes the man's mouth as you gasp. "I'm so sorry." you exclaim, and you're quick to peel away.

You feel trapped though, there were at least four guys, they all seemed to be friends, they all seemed to be in kahoots.

There's a third and fourth man joining the fray, they all looked to be about the same age, height, and weight class. This was probably their routine: approach and overwhelm whatever drunk girl they might have happened upon. It looked like you were tonight's target. "Hey, what's the rush?" the guy closest to you drawls, and you wonder where all your years of training have gone. His arm raises, and it feels like he might hit you so you flinch way too violently.

"Stick around, we'll order the next round." the next demands, and his breath smells like booze. It stinks, and it's hot as it puffs across your face. You almost break your heels backing away from them, suddenly feeling self conscious a`nd way too vulnerable in your short dress.

"No, it's alright, really." you try, and you stumble again. "My friends are right over there." and you point in their general vicinity. "Have a great night though." you offer politely, and you're trying to make your grand escape. One guy, a shaggy blonde haired man is quick to grab you by your forearm, and it's like you're back to that day. Your bureau appointed therapist had been talking to you about your anxiety, how a range of things could become triggers and transport you mentally.

"That wasn't a question. Stay a while." You're stuck, absolutely frozen in place as your entire body tenses up. Some Special Agent you were, the bureau would be so disappointed in you. Your team would be so disappointed in you. All it took to turn you into a pile of nothing was a bit of confrontation. You could remember a stronger version of you, that girl would've had these men on their knees for even thinking of laying hands on you. God, you missed that girl.

His grip on your arm tightens, fingers digging into you harshly as you find yourself surrounded on every side.

"L-Let me go." you huff under your breath, and you crane your neck. You spot JJ, the blonde's eyes locked on yours as the reality of what's going on forces her to sober up. "I just-" and you jerk away, stumbling back completely. You're surprised you don't scream as your glass drops to the ground shattering as glass sprays in every which direction. You feel like your ankle's twisted as you fall back on your ass. You expect to feel the embarrassing thud that came with smacking your ass on the hard floor of a bar, but it never comes.

Instead you feel cocooned by a familiar scent. Strong arms are looped around you, but you suppose your lack of disgust at the action is just a testament of your comfortability. "Are you alright?" it's mumbled against your ear, and the low tone of his voice makes you shiver. All you can really offer is a tight nod as Aaron's guiding you behind him. You don't get to see Hotch in action, not when JJ, Penelope, and Emily are flocking you like Charlie's Angels.

You feel the first signs of the need to barf pricking at you, and you know that you need to get some air. You needed to breathe.

"God, are you okay?" Penelope asks, and you're not sure if you are being dramatic. I mean, it wasn't like they'd done anything really. Now you were gonna look like the freak that ruined a fun night.

"I'm sorry." you chirp, and you miss the way Jennifer and Emily share a hard glance. It's not until you're feeling brisk air whipping around your face that you realize they've taken you outside, and you haven't stopped apologizing. I'm so sorry. Penelope's got wide eyes, quickly brimming with tears as you find yourself crumbling to the ground. Your hand's quick to clutch around your chest as you try to inhale. The dramatics of it all made you even more nauseous.

You should've stayed at home.

"Hey, hey, hey..." Emily's cooing, and it seems being out like this has sliced through her tipsy stupor. She's focused just like she would be on any regular sort of day. "I need you to breathe." she instructs, and JJ's crouching down in front of you, brown eyebrows draw inwardly as she takes in your clearly frantic state. Every puff of air that escapes you is tight and sounds like it hurts. You can just barely hear the sound of a commotion taking place inside.

You do hear JJ's quiet exclamation of "I'll stay with her, go check on Hotch and Derek!" before Penelope and Emily are heading back into the packed building. She calls your name, and it takes a while for you to regain your voice. She's devoid of pity, which you appreciate. JJ knew more than anyone how much you hated being seen as a burden, or someone to be sorry for. Pride was a killer. "Can you try and take a deep breath for me?" and it's then you realize your choppy little intakes of air weren't doing you any favors.

It takes a great deal of effort for your vision to be less blurry. Your ears were full of cotton, and your head was swimming. You feel bile again in the back of your throat, and you jerk away from JJ's reach. You feel like you're suffocating, transported away from the random bar in the middle of Virginia, and back to a place you'd fought so hard to escape. You were certain you'd remember that unsub forever. His evil eyes, the way he tried to use your entrails like paint.

You remember how Elle had changed after she'd been attacked by Garner. How she had changed so much that she had no choice but to step away from the Unit. Would that be your life? You didn't want that life, but it was clear you needed something, you needed help. You couldn't focus on anything else, but what had happened. You'd ruined a night out because the act of being cornered was enough to transport you back.

JJ's still peering at you as if she's waiting for you to start panicking, and maybe you were. "I'm sorry." you huff again, and JJ's shaking her head at you.

There's a deep frown etched into her face as she sighs herself. "Stop apologizing." she insists, and your lashes are wet with unshed tears. "You didn't do anything wrong. Those assholes should've never put their hands on you." she proceeds. "You know that don't you?" she continues, and you don't know how to respond, so you don't. JJ reads you like an open book, and she smacks her teeth. "Well now you do." she says this firmly. "And I'm sure Hotch and Morgan are teaching them that lesson right now." you tense up again.

"I didn't mean to ruin the-" JJ's offering you a hard glare that shuts you up. Another bad habit you'd picked up since the incident. You were working on it, trying not to blame yourself for things you didn't cause. "I'm sorry." and this time it's not because of tonight. "I was so nervous about tonight.-" you take in a hiccupped breath. "I just wanted to prove that I could bounce back." you explain, and it's the first insight you've allowed anyone. "I figured if I pretend everything's normal, soon enough it would be, but it's too much." you huff.

"And that's okay." she promises. "What you went through isn't something anyone's expecting you to forget about in a month, alright? It's gonna take time, and there will be days where it'll hurt a lot more, and there will be days where you're feeling like your old self again." she promises. "What you need to understand is that we-" she pauses as you take it in. "are your family." she finishes, and your lips start to twitch, you're not sure if you'll smile or cry.

"I know-" you proceed, and she holds a hand up in front of you.

"Let me finish." she pleads, and you inhale before nodding. "I don't- none of us want a repeat of what happened with Elle." she says quietly. "None of us want to show up to the unit one day and see your badge and gun sitting on your desk." JJ sighs. "So if you ever start feeling anxious, or terrible, or just like you're back... there." and you wince at the mention. "I want you to call me, call one of us. Don't deal with this alone, alright? Not when you don't have to."

JJ hugs you before you have time to respond, but her words sink deep and make you feel warm inside. "Thanks, Jaige." you mumble against her hair. She squeezes you tighter, and you believe it's to make up for her shyer hug earlier.

"You're welcome." she mumbles back, and then she's pulling back. You don't have much respite, Penelope practically tackling you in a hug of her own. You hadn't even realized the rest of the team has left the bar, you were sure the mood of the night was much lower.

"I'm so glad you're okay!" Penelope exhales, and you do too, breathing fine again, save for a few hiccups that escaped you every so often. She lets you go after a beat, and you're quick to take a small step back, suddenly feeling anxious once more.

"Yeah, I'm fine now." your eyes meet Derek and Emily's. "Thank you." and you're chuckling quietly as Derek pulls you into his side. He plants a kiss on the top of your head, and you warm inwardly. Spencer does hug you, and it's a shock. One of those hugs that you never take for granted, because it could be a while before you get another. Once he's pulled away you find yourself still hovering, listening quietly as they all decide the night's not over.

You respectfully bow out, you'd had enough for one day. It's then you notice that Hotch is all by himself. You quietly excuse yourself, but you find that they're not really listening now that you were safer. "Are you alright?" you ask, and your voice is very quiet. Hotch looks up from his phone as if he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. You take in his face, and it's clear he's been in some sort of scuffle. Most notable due to the fact he's got blood smeared under his nose.

"I should be asking you that." he retorts, and your eyebrows furrow in.

"Y-You already did." you remind him, eyes darting away. "Why are you over here by yourself?" you shoot off a round of questions, the wind whipping around, and making you crave the comfort of your bed. You maintain a respectful balance, you weren't in any rush to be all up in someone's space.

"I think I've had enough of crowds for the night." he retorts. You don't realize until it's happened though, your hand reaching up to swipe at the blood that's slowly drying on his upper lip.

"Get into a bar fight?" you ask, and you hold your breath for the answer. Hotch looks down at you, and there's this unreadable expression on his face. You realize that this is nothing new. Hotch had never been easy to read, he was one of the greatest profilers you'd ever met, one of the greatest people. But he'd always been an enigma. His emotions were an Alcatraz all on their own.

"You should see the other guy." the classic rebuttal to a question like yours. It doesn't make you smile, mostly because he's not smiling either. "Are you okay?" and he's got you by your wrist, eyes zoned in on the harsh mark the guy from the bar had left behind. "He never should've touched you." his voice lowers, and there's an annoyance attached to his tone. "I'm so sorry." you find yourself huffing.

"You shouldn't have fought him." you say matter-of-factly. Your fists fold up at your sides, your lips pulling down into a frown. "It'll give everyone the wrong idea." you say, and you wrench your hand away from his grasp.

"Everyone?" he repeats, and he looks confused, classic Hotch.

"Me." you correct, "I'll get the wrong idea." you whisper. "I might actually think you like me." you admit quietly.

"We wouldn't want that." he replies, and his tone is far from mocking. You hate that it makes you crack a smile. You hate that he's always the one that manages to get that reaction out of you.

"Hey, are you two coming? We're all heading to Mo's." Emily calls, and you snort at the fact that their alcohol riddled mind had caused them to forget you'd already declined. You take a step away from Hotch, and you hate that you stumble. You were hating a lot of things tonight. Maybe you weren't as sober as you'd thought.

Aaron looks to you as if he's waiting to see your answer before giving his own, and maybe he was. The second you're politely explaining that you're ready to head home, Aaron is offering to drive you. Derek is whistling, Emily and JJ offering you smug little smirks. Penelope is trying to keep herself secured to Earth. "He's gonna take her home." he whispers to no one in particular, and it's a horrid attempt.

"We all heard, babygirl." Derek replies to her, and you find yourself a bit stuck. The thought of spending the eighteen minute car ride with your boss make you want to scream, but you'd taken a cab. Your own car was parked in the driveway of your place. And he doesn't look like he' taking any goodbyes either way. Rounds of goodbye and see you laters are soon offered. "Take care of our girl, Hotch." Derek calls, and you hear Spencer as he starts to rant about Derek's turn-of-phrase.

Our girl. Hotch finds that the words repeat in his head like an obnoxious echo. "Why are you doing this?" you question quietly. "If you're just trying to make up for the whole Agent thing, there's no need." you proceed, and you take a small step back.

"I'm not trying to make up for that." he replies quickly. "But, you're drunk, and you've been through a lot tonight." he reminds you as if you're ditsy or something. "It wouldn't be smart to leave you by yourself." he continues, and he inhales deeply. He watches the way you watch him, like you're unsure, like you're suspicious. "That isn't a testament of whether or not I think you can handle yourself... and neither was fighting that man at the bar." he promises, and you blink.

"No?" you ask, and your tongue feels extra dry. Like you've licked a stripe of sandpaper.

"No." he reaffirms. "You mean a lot to the team. We wouldn't be the same without you." he says this bit like he means it, and you can't find any trace of a lie residing in his face. He does mean it.

"Thank you, Sir." you reply under your breath, exhaling the word. The chill of the night finally gets to you, and you shiver.

"Can I take you home?" he asks, and you know you're reading into it more than you should. You know what he means, what he's really asking, but delusion was healthy every now and again, right?

"Y-Yeah." your head nods, voice wavering slightly as you take hold of the bottom of your dress. "Yes." you say more firmly.

"Okay." you stand there for a few moments more, passing charged glances back and forth. "You never answered my question earlier." is what he says to break the moment. "About how you were doing..." he proceeds. "I've asked you twice, and both times you-"

"Deflected?" you offer, and his head nods. "I guess I'm just scared you'll see right through whatever my answer is." you admit, and you cross your arms, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. "Emily and JJ will at least humor me." you explain. "Penelope won't ask... mostly because she's scared of the answer." you chuckle awkwardly. "Derek and Spence, well I guess they're like you too... but you're here, and they're not... so here we are."

Hotch appraises you for a second, but he doesn't say much else. You're grateful for that, but equal parts annoyed that he wasn't leaping to tell you that you were harder to read than you thought. No such luck. Still, you're surprised when Hotch grabs you by your arm, much gentler than earlier, and he's slowing his stride to be in step with yours. You don't realize you've leaned fully into his side until you feel him tense up. He doesn't say anything though.

A win is a win.

You didn't know much about the inner workings of Aaron Hotchner's mind, but you did know that if he was uncomfortable with your proximity, he would have said so. The walk back to Hotch's car is silent. At least outwardly, inside you were panicking. He opens the passenger side for you, and you imagine a world where this was normal. Where it didn't take you being hit on by sleazy men at a bar to be having these moments with Hotch. But it was impossible.

"Did it hurt?" you ask, once the car is moving. He's adjusted the temperature, a soothing warm pooling from the vents. You're surprised at how quickly he drives, you'd half expected him to be one of those slow as molasses drivers. Hotch looks over at you incredulously, his eyebrows raise, but he doesn't look agitated nor annoyed with you breaking the silence again.

"You'll have to be more specific." he replies, and you hum. You pause for a second, trying to find the right words. At the last second you decide saying it straight would be just as good as anything else.

"Punching that guy?" you ask, and Hotch's lips quirk upwards, he was amused with you. In truth, he had no idea what he was thinking. As soon as the girls had ushered you away, he'd found himself swinging before he could think of the repercussions. All he knew was that you'd sounded scared, you'd sounded unlike yourself in a way that made him angry. Everyone saw how you had changed, the elephant in the room was hard to ignore. But you were trying, he could give you that.

"No." he mumbles, and that likely has a lot to do with the fact that he hasn't come down. He's still on edge, still watching you like you might at any moment start spiraling. "Besides, it was worth it." and he says this a bit under his breath, you hear it all the same. "I doubt he'll try it again." he admits, and you feel liberated. It was nice to have someone fighting for you, fighting the fights you weren't capable of.

"Thanks, Hotch." you hum, and it triggers a yawn.

"Back to Hotch?" he asks, and you look over at him confused. You kick your feet back and forth, careful not to dig your heels into the plush of the car's floor.

"Would you prefer I call you sir?" you ask, and he is tapping on the brake, the car slowly peeling to a stop as you come up on a red light.

"No." he answers sternly. "It's not like you." he admits, and the light is turning green again. He steps lightly on the gas, the car surging forward "Especially if you're only calling me Sir, as payback for me calling you Agent." he says, and even though you had tried your hand at pretending the greeting hadn't bothered you, it was obvious he had read right through you.

"Why'd you do that?" you question and your tone is a lot more clipped than you had intended.

"So it did offend you?" he retorts, and you feel anger flaring up. You swallow this feeling, hands balling up by your side.

"Hotch." you snap, and he smirks fully, eyes back on the road. "Can you be serious, please?" you ask, and you probably sound pitiful.

"The last month I've just been..." he trails off momentarily, and you wonder if he's emotional, or just being dramatic. "I should have known better." he expresses. "I should've been there to make sure that what happened didn't." he says, and you tense up. "He never should have gotten the chance to get close enough to cart you off." he completes his thought, and you're shocked. You never would have guessed Hotch blames himself for what happened to you.

"That wasn't your fault." you promise, and you mean it. You'd never once thought of blaming Hotch for what went down. "You were confident in the plan, you were putting your faith in the team."

"There is a very thin line between confidence and arrogance." He rebuttals instantly. "We got cocky, and you suffered because of it." he looks so destroyed as he says this. "And then you showed up tonight, and tried to pretend everything was fine." he notes as you remain silent. "It just reminded me that we're too close." he tightens his grip on the steering wheel. "The longer you stay in the unit, the more you become numb to the things we see. You start to ignore the signs that you're not alright." he says, and you'd never thought of it that way.

"Hotch..." you exhale.

"I called you Agent to set up a boundary, or at least I tried." he says this like he's beating himself up. "But then I saw the way it hurt you." and he looks ashamed. "And I never want to be someone who does that to you." you're warring with your heart then. "So I wont do it again." he promises, and he looks to you briefly. "I'll call you by your name, I won't deflect." he adds as your mouth drops open just briefly.

"But, it's not right for someone your age to be so closed off. It's not right for you to pretend to be okay just to keep up with the people around you. If you weren't up to being out, you should've stayed home, our opinions don't outweigh your safety." he lectures you. "They never will." he adds a second after, and he's so sure as he says this. He's slowing down, coming up on your place.

Your leg is shaking slightly, that pesky feeling of anxiety creeping back up on you. "We're here." he says under his breath as if you weren't aware. You don't budge, you can't. You have so much to say, but where do you start. Hotch has shut his car off, almost like he too has a lot sitting on the tip of his tongue.

"I just wanted to prove I could handle it." you admit, and you're crying. "I didn't want to be another Gideon or Elle... or Spence." you cringe at the memories. "I didn't want you guys to handle with me with kid gloves. I didn't want you to see me as the girl who needs the kid gloves." you express honestly, and now your tears are falling in quick precession. "I'm sorry..." you swipe at your face. "I don't know why I'm crying, this is so stupid." you hiss at yourself.

"No, it isn't." the response earns him a surprised glance. "It's good... this is good." Hotch is quick to use a hand to swipe at your tears. He hates the sight of them, but loves what they mean. Your heart's still soft, pliable. You haven't fully succumb to the horrors of the job. "Consider this me atoning." he prompts. "You have my ear, say whatever you need to say." he looks over at you again, and seems to mentally backtrack. "If it'll help you." he adds.

You sniffle audibly, hands clenching and unclenching as the car suddenly feels much too hot. "It's not your fault, okay?" you repeat, and you say it with more certainty. "I just need you to know that." you sniffle again, but your tears keep falling, even as you try to blink them away. "Hotch, you're our leader for a reason, and you were there to save me that night, and you were here to save me tonight." you remind him. "I don't want you to pull back, not when I'm finally making some progress with cracking that hard exterior of yours."

Hotch's lips quirk at your words, and he looks down at his lap. "I've never meant to pull back from you." the inflection with the last words sticks. "I thought I was doing right by you... pulling the band aid off before you got in too deep." he says. "But that was wrong of me, I can admit to that. I'm sorry." and his apologies are like kisses. They wash over you, and force you to believe him.

"Don't apologize to me." you plead, "Just promise not to leave me behind, treat me like an outsider again." you continue as his head nods, and you can trust that he's listening.

"I can do that." he promises.

That seems to be the key to unlocking the dam of your emotions. You choke on the feelings, a quiet sob escaping you as you clasp a hand over your mouth. How dramatic, and pathetic, and God awful were all these feelings. But they'd been years in the making, right?

"Are you alright?." he asks under his breath, worry palpable.

"Do you know that the only thing that kept me from losing it that day was you?" you ask, and your boldness won't leave you, clearly it was now or never. "You told me to 'keep breathing'... you said it over and over and over, and I listened." you explain, and he remembers the day too well. "Even though everything hurt like hell, and there was so much blood." you reminisce. "And I don't know, maybe I'm just crazy, but there was this look." you exhale sadly. "This look you had on your face that made me think... 'maybe it's not just me'"

It isn't. He knows that instantly. You've plagued his mind so severely for so long that he can just barely remember a time where you weren't one of the only things he thought about, worried about, cared about. But he had his post to think about, he was the Unit Chief, your boss, your superior. What would the team think? What would Strauss think? Did it matter? In the grand scheme of things, did those worries outweigh his need, his innate desire to see you safe and protected from harm? Absolutely not. So what was the real problem?

"Hotch..." you inhale deeply, voice cracking distractingly as he gives you his full attention. Something you'd dreamed of, wanted more than anything since the first time you'd ever laid eyes on him. "Aaron." you correct, and you breathe again. "I've been thinking of how to say this... i've been rehearsing it over and over again, because I wanted to get it right, and I just knew tonight would be the night I'd have to have the balls to either say it or let it go forever." you admit.

"Say it..." and he's rushing you, but you suppose that's deserved. You were still stalling, dragging this out way more than you needed to.

"I'm in love with you." and it was out there, and you couldn't take it back. You stare him down, worried about his reaction, about how he would respond. "And it took me getting hurt, and being sent home, away from the team for me to realize." you inhale shakily. "I kept having these-these dreams about that night. All these different scenarios about how things could've turned out different, how I could've died had one thing been out of place." you process.

"You're the reason I'm still here, you're the reason why this team can function, and you're the reason why I- why I came tonight even though my anxiety told me it wasn't safe. Because, somehow I knew that as long as you were here... I'd be okay, and I am." you say, and it's a lot, too much maybe. His reaction is hard to read at first, face just as stoic as most times, but his eyes.... his eyes hold the truth. They melt, pools of warm honey dancing in the darkness residing there.

"And it's inappropriate... and wrong... and silly... but- I couldn't go another day without you knowing, without you hearing from me." you explain. "When you came up to the bar tonight I just... I've never felt this way before... lucky, protected, safe.... and-and I'm not asking for anything from you... I'm not expecting something in return, I just wanted to get it out there... I think we both know it's been a long time coming..." and your words are being swallowed as Aaron leans forward. The middle console is a bridge, a roadblock.

It doesn't deter him though, not from using a hand to gently cup your face, mouth slotting against yours as if it belonged there. You're dizzy, shocked, surprised, but you don't let this mess you up. You can't possibly allow anything to mess up this moment. Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two... the seconds tick by with neither of you moving to break the kiss, hands and tongues and breaths fanning over one another as you get acquainted in the most perfect way.

Still, life dealt lots, and yours consisted of a need for oxygen. It's the only reason why you break apart with heady gasps, eyes dilated and fogged with emotions much too heavy to really explain. "Oh, you can't do that." you explain, and Hotch's bemused, eyebrows raising upwards, as his thumb brushes over your cheekbones.

"I can't?" he asks, and he sounds so much lighter now.

"No, you can't. I'll get the wrong idea, you know." you explain, and he smiles brazenly at your callback to earlier. "I'll actually believe you're in love with me or something." you say, and Hotch is slow as he leans back in, a peck being placed right on your lips as your eyelashes flutter, and your heart beats out of control.

"We can't have that, can we?" he's following your lead with the callback, and your cheek presses into his palm.

"I don't know." you answer, and your voice is faint. "I'm scared this'll be a dream." you proceed as Hotch's eyes scan over your frantic face. "I'll wake up and find out that this was all in my head, and the only memories I get to hold on to are from that night." Hotch's lips purse, head shaking in denial as you inhale shakily.

"No, not this time. an ambitious remark. "This time it's real." he promises. "This time I'm here with you to make sure that all those things you felt that night, and earlier by the bar, are how you keep feeling about me." he answers truly. "I'm here to love you back for as long as you'll have me. Is it alright for me to feel that way?" he asks, and your hand jumps up to keep his squished in place against your face.

"You can feel however you want." you reply, and he laughs, a full blown chuckle escaping him as his face seems to light up like a thousand suns. His eyes glisten, twinkling as he looks down at you, like everything was right in the world. And to him it was. Nothing and nobody could hurt you here.

"Good. Then I choose whatever this between you and I leads to, I choose the feelings that come with that." You smile grows to an almost blinding brightness as you reach across the console to hug him, and pull him into your arms. He's quick as he presses a peck to the top of your head, eyes still dancing over you as if he was seeing you for the first time. And maybe he was, that part wasn't your business, all you knew was that loving Aaron was easy, it could be.

A long time coming, but a wait well worth it. Lucky you.

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bukguhope · 1 year

Text

Fall Back in Love | jjk

> jungkook somehow grew a reputation of sleeping around on campus, leaving him lonely and inexperienced with relationships. so when you, his old childhood best friend moves onto campus, he discovers what a relationship can feel like as he finds himself falling in love with you

> jungkook x f.reader, childhood best friends,friends to lovers, slow burn, light smut, jealous! jungkook, needy!jungkook, mature, mentions of blood and fighting

Fall Back in Love drabble

wc: 17.6k (got carried away)

“why would we go on a date?” jungkook fought the frown that wanted to appear on his face. not again. this had to be the at least the third time this month he’s had the exact same conversation the morning after he slept with a woman he either got chatting to at a party or a local club. it was like every woman within a five mile radius had a meeting and collectively decided to sleep with him then never see him again afterwards. he didn’t want to seem pathetic, isn’t that exactly what the majority of guys his age wanted? in their eyes he had the perfect situation going on, constant sex when he wanted it with no strings attached. what he wanted to know however was how they dealt with the constant loneliness that occurred every time the hook up left? or the heartache that came when he saw a college couple walking around campus throwing their love in his face every morning at 8am? he tried not to be bitter, it was cute they found someone to spend their college years with. no he was bitter, so very bitter. he was a romantic at heart, so how did he get such a reputation that meant no woman ever wanted to even go on one date?

oh he knew how, it was that stupid frat party at the beginning of the year when he started his course. the first week of college was basically back to back drinking, parties and nights out. if you remembered it you didn’t do it right, as most people would say. he knew no one, none of his friends were in his year they had already done this prior to him and were doing other things as they were older and deep into their courses. they encouraged him though, saying he needed to make friends in his own year to make his life easier. so when he overheard of this party some guys on the swim team were having, he decided to go along. well, after a lot of convincing from his older friends because he certainly didn’t want to go. but he built up the courage and found himself stuck right in the middle of the action and after a lot of alcohol, he actually found himself having a good time. he found one friend at least, taeyong, who turned out to be his roommate. he stuck by him for most of the night and when he introduced him to this girl- the night took a turn. it was very evident what she wanted, a one night stand, and jungkook wasn’t about to turn her down not after the nice amount of alcohol in his system. now that wasn’t the problem at all, it was the fact she went around afterwards saying he was definitely a player because of how he acted in bed. she made sure that everyone knew that he was good in bed but for some reason she decided to add in a small little detail. that he had never been in a relationship, and he didn’t want one. where she picked this up from? he had no idea, he did say in small talk he never had a relationship but he did not recall insinuating he didn’t ever want one. so now he’s been totally screwed the entire year, and here he was once again the morning after the end of year semester party this time- getting turned down “right, why would we? just asked to, be polite” the woman chuckles as she changes, jungkook watches his own hands play with each other as she does so. he didn’t want this reputation, no one was taking him seriously. although he didn’t necessarily want to date this girl, he still thought it would be nice to go out and have a civilised conversation for once without loud ass music pumping through his ears and drunk people running around him.

“okay well, see ya” and with that she was out of his dorm and he was alone, huffing he flops back and his head hits his pillows. as he led there staring at his ceiling he came to a conclusion, he was done with this, with the one night stands. he felt so pathetic, at first it started off as some fun but then it turned into just bringing someone back so he had someone to cuddle to sleep - how sad. the sadess part was that sometimes they didnt even stay the night, so occasionally he would end up alone anyway. but now he couldnt do it anymore, he felt used and even more alone then when this all started. “here he is, the man of the hour”

“taeyong, iam not in the mood” he wasnt even scared of the man bursting into his room anymore, not even a flinch, this happened more often then he would like, he appreciated the guy but boy did he have zero boundaries.

“dont be so glum, just saw that girl leave. have fun last night did we?” jungkook glared at him as he plonked himself at the end of his bed, he didnt need anymore reminders of the embarrassment he just endured and he doesnt want to engage anymore in the idea that he was nothing more then a good night to these women. especially with the fact that most people did not think much of him growing up, particularly when it came to his feelings. as a kid he was known as ‘the one thats good a sport’ for most of school, everyone just assumed that he was this happy go lucky boy that liked sports and had no deeper thoughts running through his head. no teacher ever asked him in class what he thought of the book they all had to read over the summer, never did classmates ask him for the help with the homework- even though he usually did well on assignments. no they just turned to him for a good laugh. which was fine, he didnt mind because back then he had you. jungkook remembers you so fondly, when he was at the back of the classroom with his hand held shyly in the air when the teacher asked if anyone hand any opinions. of course, he would never get chosen but as the person who did was answering you’d lean over to him and whisper to ask what he wanted to say and that he would say it to you. he also thought about when you would be struggling on a question and turn to him right away to ask him if he could help you, even when the guy at the top of the class was right there on the other side of you. honestly, jungkook felt so valued when you were in his life, you seemed to really care about his opinions, thoughts and feelings. when everyone turned a blind eye to him one day in school because his pet had passed away, not wanting to talk to the school joker because he was miserable, you came right up to him. you asked what was wrong, gave him a hug and told him everything was going to be alright. but he didnt have you anymore, you flew off somewhere right before the end of school and he lost contact. sure, he met his six new best friends shortly after but it didnt make it easier. in fact, nothing about his life was easy at the moment. “i had the furthest thing from fun” jungkook replied, in monotone making taeyong rasie an eyebrow at him. deep down he knew why his friend was down, taeyong had saw this happening from the very start. he always tried to laugh it off, make jungkook see some sort of funny side but there wasnt any side that he found laughable. “if only that fucking girl at the start of the year didnt open her mouth” he sighs before he takes a little look at his friend sat on his bed “you’re such a big softie”

it was summer now, the sun big and bright in the sky as everyone on campus began talking about the array of summer parties that were already being organised. jungkook made a deal with himself that he would not bet attending a single one of those parties, he hated them anyway he didnt know why he always went to them

“just go to them, dont be boring” oh yeah thats why. he glares over to his friend jimin as they sit on the campus yard - their five other friends right there with them

“i see why he doesnt want to” yoongi mutters, making jungkook happy one of them was finally agreeing with him “they get boring after a while, they play the same music and bring the same alcohol every damn time.” jungkook definitely agreed here, of course the main reason was to avoid hookups and every woman looking at him as if he wasn’t a fully functional human that had feelings but he wasnt going to tell them that.

“we just dont want him to be alone, none of us are in the same year as him. he needs friends that he can see more often” it annoyed jungkook that namjoon had a point, but no amount of debating was going to make him go to anymore parties

“i have taeyong, ill be fine. plus i see you guys enough, more then enough if you ask me” he was about to laugh at his own joke before taehyung threw his jacket directly at his head.

“you’re the one begging for us to hang out with you all the time, dont get cocky” the group shares a laugh as jungkook huff and rips the jacket from his head. taehyung was of course correct though, jungkook was always asking the whole group to hang out together which these days hardly ever happened. with all of them busy doing their own thing, it left not much time for them to hang out just the seven of them. if he were really honest with himself he’d say he was jealous, because they all made their own friends that were in the same year as them whereas jungkook only had taeyong. he didn’t even have taeyong that often, he was social butterfly and was always of doing something that he end up telling jungkook about at the end of the day. so not only did no women want to spend time with him outside of having sex, his friends also had better things to be doing as well - college life couldn’t get any better.

“i wouldn’t have to beg if you guys actually wanted to spend time with me anymore” jungkook whined as he threw tae’s jacket back at him. the other boys looked hesitantly at each other, there was no doubt they loved jungkook and wanted to spend all the time they could with him. but they had separate life’s, some had girlfriends which paired with college work didn’t leave much time as it was.

“of course we do, we just have other stuff on too” hoseok tries to be as soft about the topic as possible, not wanting to imply jungkook was less important then their other priorities. the youngest knew that the guys wanted to hang out but had other reasons meaning they couldn’t as often as he’d like, if only he tired harder at the beginning of the year to make other friends

“join a club or something, meet new people” jin suggests and the whole group nods their heads in agreement while jungkook sat glumly, he couldn’t think of anything worse then joining one of the clubs. not that he had anything against the people that attended, but nothing interested him. he wasn’t into sport anymore and he took no fascination in anything else available. he used to be a passionate guy, he enjoyed playing football, reading and painting but now he just- was bored at the thought. in fact, he stopped doing all that when you had left probably because you did all of those things with him. you always came to watch him play, sat on the benches wearing his number top shouting his name loudly. you encouraged him to read different books that he might like and sat at the end of his bed while you both read quietly. and of course you got him into painting, brining two big canvases to his house one day with brushes and paint telling him to get his ass outside so you could paint together. he had so much fun when he was a kid with you, never was a day boring because you made it enjoyable. now he didn’t do any of it anymore, there was no one to encourage him to do so nor do it with him.

“would rather show a pinecone up my ass than join a club” jimin snorts at this making jin smack him over the head for encouraging jungkooks attitude. they hated to see their youngest friend so lonely, especially during his college years. they were supposed to be some of the best in his life but he’s spent most of it getting turned down by women who just want to sleep with him and making zero friends.

“oh new subject, new girl just started she’s in your year jungkook” hoseok says and jungkook was far from interested in this, why would he care that someone new was joining? “and i set you up on a blind date” now he was interested, no he was confused and panicked

“what? why would you do that? i don’t want to go on a blind date! are you crazy?!”

“i believe what you were meant to say was ‘thank you’” hoseok replies as his friends freak out. honestly he was tired of jungkook complaining about the way women on campus viewed him without doing anything about it. he thought jungkook should’ve shut down those rumours about him not wanting to date and just stop sleep around as soon as they circulated if it bothered him that much. but of course he didn’t.

“hoseok, i can’t believe you set me up and why did you leave it this late into the meet up to tell me?!” his older friends shrugged his shoulders

“forgot” jungkook appeared flabbergasted at his friends brazen attitude to setting him up on a date without even asking him first

“do you even know her name?!”

“nope” the younger groaned as all his friends laughed, truly he wanted to get out of this blind date but without as much as a name how the hell was he supposed to do that? he was sure hoseok wasn’t going to cancel it for him. “all i know is, you’re meeting her outside the music building tomorrow. be there for 6pm sharp”

“tomorrow?! and you’re telling me now?”

“at least i didn’t wait until tomorrow to say. stop being a baby it’s just a date” jungkook stayed quiet after this, already getting nervous for whoever hoseok had set him up with.

it was party time once again later that night, jungkook stuck to his word and decided to stay home rather then attend it. he was sick of the cycle, girl comes up to him- sleeps with him then leaves after and doesn’t want anything else to do with him. it bored him now. so, while everyone else got drunk and had a good time, he was sat at his desk working on a paper that was due no where near soon. his phone buzzed on the table, distracting him from his typing.

jimin 😈 you boring fucker, get your ass to this party 23:46

would rather stick a fork up in my eye goodnight 23:47

once he replied he but his phone back down and leaned back in his chair, honestly he felt like he was missing out. all his friends were there, not just people from his year, so it was possible he’d actually have fun at this party. he just wanted to stick to his plan to avoid that scene, although right now he could’ve really used a drink. with a groan he shut his laptop and began to get ready to head out, already knowing where the party was being held. maybe after this he wouldn’t attend anymore? in a prompt hour he was dressed nicely and in the middle of a big crowd with loud music pumping through his body. the mixed vodka drink in his hand already half finished as he talked with taeyong, well tried to with the music.

“there’s a girl totally staring at you right now” jungkook rolled his eyes, not even bothering to turn around and see who he was talking about. he may have broke the promise to himself to not come out tonight, but he for sure was not going to hook up with anyone. he was done with the embarrassment of being hit and quit, no longer wanting to experience the awkwardness after doing the deed

“good for her, iam going to refill my drink” pushing past everyone as quickly as he could, he entered the busy kitchen to mix together a stronger drink then before.

“oh i thought you would rather shove eating utensils in your eye then be here?” a voice calls from behind him and he chuckles as jimin is stood there, red solo cup in hand.

“well i knew you lot might miss me so decided to ease the pain” his friend rolls his eyes as he sets his drink on the counter

“please, don’t flatter yourself” just as quick as he arrived, jimin was about to leave after someone called his name from a direction jungkook couldn’t quite see. but before he did go, he added “there’s totally a girl staring into your soul right now” again, jungkook didn’t react and didn’t look to see who it was. just nodded to indicate he heard jimin before his friends turned around a left. sighing, he took sip out of his now refilled cup and winced at just how strong he made it. his plan to only come out to hang out with his usual friends went south when he realised they were all drunk and separated out doing their own thing, so he was left standing around on his own like usual.

“here he is” jungkook turned to see taeyong with a girl beside him in a short dress with long hair “you can finally stop asking for him” realising that the girl beside his roommate was brought over for him he rolled his eyes

“so this is the one night stud everyone’s been going on about” he had to suppress a scoff at her words, of course she came over for that reason. that stupid girl from the start of the year really ruined his reputation. “so do you wanna get out of here?”

“no, thanks iam good” the stranger seemed surprised at his words, expecting an opposite answer “taeyong iam leaving” with that jungkook abandons the idea of actually having a good night and decides he’d rather just go back home.

“come on man, it might make you feel better” jungkook stops at the door as taeyong chased after him

“what another one night stand? iam done with the pointless sex, they don’t even engage in small talk anymore, don’t even want to know a single thing about me. iam finished with feeling used, goodbye” with that he left and was certain that this would be the last time he was going to a dorm party.

it was the next day which meant it was time for the dreaded blind date, jungkook had no energy for it. ever since he woke up he was in a foul mood, all his friends were hungover and not answering his texts and he missed an important lecture because he got his schedules mixed up. if he knew who this date was he would be cancelling, but he didn’t and the only other option was to stand them up. he knew he would just feel bad for making the person wait around for him, so at 5pm he begrudgingly began to get ready. he had no idea what the plan even was for this date so he kept it casual; jeans, white shirt and a denim jacket. checking the time it was almost 6pm so he quickly but on some shoes, gathered his keys and wallet and headed off to the music department. he was not looking forward to having to meet up with a complete stranger who’s probably already heard about his ‘reputation’, in all honesty he believed this girl most likely agreed to this date because she wanted to sleep with him. and that wasn’t even because of his ego, it’s literally all any girl propositions when they meet him- he didn’t even think he was that good in bed so why did they all want to? shaking all the thoughts from his head, he stalks to the music department. the campus was pretty empty at this time but a few people were still walking around, at this point he didn’t know whether he wanted to be stood up by this mystery woman. sure it would be embarrassing but at least he would have to go. but that scenario was ditched when he came close to the department and saw the back of girl, looking at the floor clearly waiting for someone. sighing he walks over, lightly tapping the girl on the shoulder. he kept a fake smile on his face, it wasn’t this strangers fault he was in a foul mood. once the girl did turn though, his mouth dropped open in surprise.

“jungkook?” you say in shock, it was him. your childhood best friend was the person you were forcibly set up with tonight. having pretty much just arrived at the campus you wanted to settle in, but after a guy your new roommates knew said he had the perfect person for you to go on a date with, you were pretty much pushed to go through it. you recognised him easily now, however at a party you attended you could’ve sworn you saw him. but in the dim light and pushy crowd, it was hard to tell. you looked at him for so long, trying to follow him around to get a good look but he left before you could go up to him and you felt creepy enough following a possible stranger around you weren’t about to chase after him. now, he was here standing in front of you dressed up to go on a blind date.

“y/n? i can’t believe-” suddenly you two let out synchronised screams as you wrapped your arms around each other, jumping in circles as you hugged one other. a few people stared over at the commotion but neither of you noticed, or cared. jungkook couldn’t fathom the fact his night went from being utterly in a mood to reuniting with one of the best friends he’s ever had. seeing you again made his heart pick up in pace, he finally felt happy again after such a shit first year at college. after finally letting go of each other, both of you couldn’t help the smiles that were planted on your lips.

“out of all the people to be set up with, i get stuck with you” jungkook let out a gasp as he pushes you playfully

“you should think of yourself as lucky” you chuckle at his words before a comfortable silence grows. the pair of you can’t help but just look at each other as your minds comprehend the coincidence.

“well, i guess we should start the date” you break the silence and jungkook nods in agreement. “hey why don’t we go to an arcade, like old times?” when you were kids you two would always go to an arcade on the weekends. at first it was a one off, but slowly it became a weekly thing. the mention of it made jungkook smile even bigger then before

“i’ll show you to a great one, and on the way you need to tell me everything. like what are doing here? how was life abroad? how’s your parents? what are you majoring in?” you laugh as jungkook begins to walk and ask multiple questions. you follow beside him, also thinking of a few questions yourself.

“my parents came back for work, they said i could continue my studies abroad but i wanted to come back. life away was fun but not as good as here, my parents are good and iam doing english literature” you answer his questions and he nods as the pair of you walk side by side, it was still amazing to you that you were right beside him again. you thought about him all the time, you were closer to no one in your life then you were to him. “how have you been? still taking the sports world by storm?” jungkook’s smile faltered a little, forgetting that he was very much into sports the last time you knew him

“no i uh- stopped playing after school” you were surprised at this, there wasn’t many sports he didn’t play in school and he was good at all of them. you were about to ask why when he suddenly pulls you to his other side on the pavement, a cyclist suddenly speeding past. you put a hand over your heart, it suddenly beating faster - which you put down to almost being knocked over not by jungkook pulling you. the pair of you continue walking and you get to ask your question

“why did you stop?” jungkook sighed at the question, not wanting to admit that once you left he slowly gave up on most things. you were the only one to encourage him to continue after all

“i just lost interest” he shrugged the question off but you frowned, you remembered how happy he was every time you watched him play anything. the way he be so excited whenever his team won, why would he lose interest in that. “here’s the arcade, let’s go in” you didn’t realise how lost in thought you were until you looked up at his words and saw the flashing lights from outside the window. following him inside you looked around at all the games, memories of all those weekends together as kids came to mind as you did so.

“dance revolution is first we know this” you declare making jungkook laugh and follow you to the dancing machine in the corner of the place. it was like you were never apart, so comfortable with each other. he vividly remembers how obsessed you were with the stupid dance game, having to go on it as soon as you walked through the doors each week. he joins you on the platform as you slot in a coin a begin to search through the random songs on the program. you seem to be looking at one for an awfully long time making jungkook give you a side eye

“that says extremely hard, no chance keep looking” smirking you select confirm and jungkook groans at your defiance. “really?”

“come on it’ll be funny” you justify as the song loads up and immediately you see a bunch of arrows filling the screen, making you regret your choice a little. the stomping on the floor is loud as you and jungkook try and hit every arrow to the fast paced song. you can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous the pair of you must look, jumping around to try not miss a beat. your breathing gets harder as your legs move rapidly, looking over to his side you see that jungkook is beating you. “how the fuck are you doing this?” you shout out, noticing he’s hardly missed an arrow, his score much higher then yours

“iam just too good at everything, what can i do?” he breaths out, before hitting a combo that you ultimately miss at the same time. sighing in relief when the song comes to an end the two of you rest your hands on your knees as you bend over to catch your breath. a big loser sign appears on your side of the screen while jungkooks side displays a green winner.

“unbelievable” you don’t think you’ve ever beaten jungkook at this game, you thought maybe after all this time you had a chance but still he came out victorious. the pair of you walk away from the machine, breathing back to normal as you look for your next game. the two of you spent the next hour and half playing around in the arcade, both feeling like kids all over again. you were happy you actually agreed to go on this blind date and jungkook definitely felt the same. each day of college made him want to drop out more and more, but like usually when he was at his lowest you came to the rescue to pick him back up again. waking out of the arcade together, laughing mindlessly, the pair of you take off back to campus together.

“iam happy you chose to come back, honestly- i haven’t been having a good time at college” you grow upset to hear this, you assumed jungkook would be enjoying his time well you hoped he was.

“you haven’t? jungkook what’s wrong?” your concern flattered him, you were always the caring type especially when it came to him. though he didn’t know if he really wanted to go into detail about what exactly was giving him problems.

“well it’s just, i’ve had this issue for while at the moment.” you stayed silent, hoping this would prompt him to continue talking. wrapping your arms around yourself as you did so “this is so embarrassing but at the start of the year i got with this girl, she assumed i explicitly wanted a one night stand so began telling her friends that. they then told their friends and so on, it’s gotten to the point where literally no girl on campus wants anything to do with me unless it’s sex” you nodded at his explanation, feeling awful for him knowing that ever since your were friends he seemed the romantic type. always going on about wanting to have a wife and kids as soon as possible, you thought it was weird when you were younger but as you grew up you just realised that his parents were so in love that he just wanted to be like them. “plus i have like no friends in my year” he finishes and you felt so sorry for him, he was such a good person when you were younger- he didn’t deserve to feel this low when it should be the best years of his life

“iam sorry to here that jungkook, but look those are just silly rumours. don’t let people who want something from you involved in your life, if they wanted to get to know you they would. and iam in your year now, if you ask nice enough, i might be your friend” he laughs at you, wondering how you always manage to make him smile so easily.

“always so wise y/n” he says as you two catch sight of the campus, it not being too far away. jungkook couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed at having to leave you so soon after meeting you again.

“let’s exchange numbers and meet again soon, iam so glad we got to see each other again” smiling jungkook pulls his phone from his pocket and hands it over to you, watching happily as you punch your number in and give yourself a call. handing it back you give him a smile before continuing to walk onto campus, jungkook not far behind you before he’s by your side. one side of the campus contained the boys dorm and the other had the girls, you stopped in the middle of the yard to say goodbye but jungkook beat you

“let me walk you back. it’s dark” his sweetness made your heart melt, he was the same sweetheart as he always was

“i’ll be fine, thanks though. you get home safe, from what i hear girls here go crazy for one night with you”. they might jump you on your way back”jungkook groans at your teasing, you were still the same as you always was- sarcastic and playful. you laugh as you walk backwards, giving him a wave before finally turning around and walking away. he watches you walk off, sighing when you turn a corner and he could no longer see you.

the next morning jungkook had a bounce in his step as he walks over to meet his friends in the yard, only hoseok, jimin and taehyung were able to make it. the smile is bright on the youngest face as he seats on the grass, making his three friends look at him confused.

“why is your face doing that?” taehyung inquires making jungkook give him an odd look, but taehyung’s face remains serious

“doing what?”

“like, smiling and shit?” his friends are even more surprised when jungkook laughs, not exactly the type of reaction they normally get

“i can’t smile?” the three men look at each other before answering in sync

“no” jungkook rolls his eyes, but after spending the evening with you yesterday he was just in too good of a mood to get upset.

“so, blind date went well” hoseok asks, eyebrow raised as he was sure jungkook was adamant that he didn’t want to go

“actually yes. the girl you set me up with was actually y/n, remember the one i told you about?” his friends faces a shocked at the news, they were beginning to think you weren’t real with how often jungkook spoke about you

“no fucking way? the girl you talk about all the bloody time? that’s crazy” jimin adds to the conversation, jungkook’s smile growing bigger that the thought of you

“oh my god you’re so in love!” taehyung exclaims making jungkook widen his eyes, he loved you sure but it was definitely platonic- right?

“no no, she’s my childhood best friend. iam just glad she’s here” hoseok narrows his eyes at his friend, he knew for sure that no one could react like this over a friend. he wasn’t going to mention anything about it though, but he knew that with time jungkook would be coming right back to them saying he was in love - he would bet money on it

“jungkooks wife aside” the youngest was about to contest but jimin was already talking “namjoon says that he is hosting his very own party this weekend” the came as a surprise to the other boys, none of them had ever organised a dorm party. sure they were happy to go to party’s where they didn’t have to clean up the mess or worry about university employees busting them- but to host one was a completely different story

“why on earth would he want to do that?” taehyung inquires and jungkook is also wondering the same thing and was waiting for jimin to reply, but as soon as he starts speaking he can’t hear a word because he sees you walking past not too far from them. he zones out completely as he watches you walk around campus, thinking how strange it is to just casually see you again. without thinking, he’s on his feet jogging towards you before he lost sight of where you were going. his friends turn their heads to see where he was going, utterly confused as to why he was just practically running off.

“goodbye to you too jungkook” hoseok mutters making his friends laugh before they continue their own conversation. meanwhile jungkook just managed to catch up to you, tapping you on the shoulder making you stop in your tracks. you smile upon seeing him, happy that you could just run into at any time or see him whenever you wanted.

“did you run?” you ask with a laugh as you watch him pant a little to catch his breath

“oh no i just- jogged a little. you’re a fast walker” he gets out and you chuckle at him, waiting for him to compose himself before speaking “i just wanted to say hi, ask if you have any plans this weekend?”

“oh well apparently someone in third year is hosting a party, my roommate wants me to go with her” you explain and jungkook was more happy then he thought he would to hear you were going. but given the fact he promised he’d be going to no more party’s, that was surely out the window if you were going to be there

“that’s one my best friends! please go otherwise iam practically going to be stranded if i go, i always get ditched”

“don’t you worry, i’ll be there to keep you company” you assure and for some reason jungkook feels relief, with you back he felt like he could finally begin to enjoy college again now that he actually had a friend he could see often. “i have a lecture so i better be going but, if you’re free later we should hang out?” jungkook was nodding before actually answering with words

“yeah that’ll be great, i’ll text you” you give him a smile before one of your friends come up to you telling you to hurry up and walk to class with her

“see you jay” jungkook could’ve swore his heart leapt at the way you casually used your old nickname for him. he almost forgot about it up until now, now it felt like the smile would never leave his lips. walking back over to his friends, they stopped chatting to stare at him as he sat himself back down- smile even wider then before.

“if that’s what he looks like after one conversation with her can i have her?” jungkook’s smile disappears and he glares at taehyung for his comment making jimin and hoseok laugh

“that would be a no” hoseok chuckles but jungkook doesn’t look too impressed, he knew he didn’t like you that way- of course not. but over his dead body would he let any of his friends get with you, absolutely not. he loved his them sure, he knew none of them would hurt you, but you were his friend and friends were always off limits “how did you too become so close anyway?” hoseok was curious, ever since he became friends with jungkook he always mentioned this girl who was his best friend who he missed. they didn’t even know how you two became friends though despite the fact he always taked about her. at one point it began to annoy all the guys, because he just never shut up about you, any situation they were in he would always just have to say how he had done the same thing with you before or it reminded him of you somehow. but they could see how much you meant to him, so they just let him ramble on.

“we met when we were like, five. i was sad on this school trip because i dropped my ice cream, she gave me hers” jungkook laughed at the memory, he remembers how his mum said after that not a day went by where he wouldn’t talk about this girl who gave him ice cream. from then on their parents got close and always arranged play dates for the two of them and they stayed friends right until she had to leave.

“sounds like a romantic movie synopsis” jimin jokes and once again jungkook is left scowling, the couple jokes showed no sign of stopping with them and jungkook knew they would only continue now he’d be seeing you more often. suddenly, his phone buzzes making him pull it out of his hoodie pocket and looking at the message he smiles slightly

y/n 🌸: nice to see you today. wanna meet at 7 and get some dinner?

jungkook: great seeing you too. that sound great, outside the music department again?

y/n 🌸: perfect meet you there

after messaging he pops his phone back in his pocket and looks up to see his friends staring at him, he gives them a confused look

you were happily applying some finishing touches with your makeup as you got ready for dinner when you friend sits next to you on the floor in front of your mirror.

“excited for your date?” she says making you roll your eyes and screw you mascara back up

“not a date” you reply as you put away your make up and mess around with your hair, making sure it looked nice

“we’ll be careful with jungkook” giving her a side eye you wonder why on earth you’d have to be careful around jungkook. her comment annoyed you a little, he was your childhood best friend and after seeing him again he seemed to be exactly the same as he was when you were kids “he just likes to bang, doesn’t do relationships” now that didn’t sound like him at all, and you knew it wasn’t he had already told you about these silly rumours.

“and how would you know this, heard him say it?” you decided to quiz her, after accusing someone of that you should definitely have absolute proof of it. you remember how upset he seemed when telling you what the girls on campus thought of him.

“well no but-”

“exactly” you cut her off “ive known the boy since i was a kid, he’s honestly a nice guy. don’t believe everything you hear” y/f/n seemed a little surprised at this, it was a known thing around campus that jungkook was the type of guy to just want a one night stand. “right, iam going.” you say your goodbyes and head off to the meeting spot you agreed upon and walking up to it you noticed jungkook was already there and waiting. looking at the time on your phone, you saw it was still ten minutes until seven. turning around, he saw you walking over and smiled.

“here she is” you chuckle at this and give him a little hug as a greeting, how could anyone give you a warning about such a lovely guy?

“have you been waiting long?” that was something that hadn’t changed about him either, always early or on time.

“no, not long. where would you like to eat?” you think for a little but realised you couldn’t really think of anywhere, most places you used to go closed when you left.

“is that diner we used to go to all the time still open?” jungkook seemed to get excited at the mention of the place, remember how you two frequented that diner often after school.

“yes let’s go there” as jungkook began walking, you followed next to him thinking about what your roommate said. you didn’t know whether to bring it up, not wanting to upset him about this situation more then he was.

“you know, my roommate warned me about you earlier” his eyebrows raised a little in surprise at this but he ultimately knew exactly why she did that “i actually got a little annoyed with her, she seemed stumped when i asked her if she actually heard you say you only want one night stands.” the pair of you laughed at this and jungkook felt happy that you were in his corner to defend him. his other friends never came in contact with the people spreading rumours in your year and taeyong seemed to just confirm them to help his roommate get laid

“well that was nice of you but don’t feel the need to defend me, i don’t think those rumours will ever stop” your heart hurt at how sad he looked, it was a known fact that you had a soft spot for him and you probably always would. even the reason you became friends was because you felt upset looking at the crying boy who lost his ice cream.

“no that’s what friends do, especially when the rumours are fucking lies” he was a bit shocked to see you so worked up over it, but you’re a good person you always were so it didn’t surprise him that much.

“my saviour” jungkook jokes and it makes you giggle but deep down he was being honest, he didn’t think there was one time when he was in trouble where you didn’t come to the rescue. he dropped his ice cream? you gave him yours, no one listened to him in class? you listened, people ignored him when he was upset? you comforted him, he had no motivation? you gave it to him- and now people believed rumours about him and you were there defending him. jungkook felt relieved to have you in his life again. you two were still laughing together when you walked into the diner together and taking a seat by the window, exactly where you used to sit

“i can’t believe my eyes” the diner’s owner came straight up to the table, knowing exactly who just walked through door. he would never forget the faces of the two people who filled the place daily. “why do i never see you anymore?” the older man quizzes making the two of you laugh

“someone decided to move away from me” jungkook states, pointing an accusing finger at you, making you roll your eyes.

“well iam glad you’re back, will you be wanting the usual?” honestly you couldn’t believe the man even remembered you, let alone the old order the two of you used to get.

“jungkook, you want the usual?” he nods excitedly at your question and you smiled agreeing as the owner walks to the back to put your order in “how on earth does he remember what we used to get?”

“well seems as the usual order is a large pizza and a side of fries, it shouldn’t be hard to remember” jungkook says and you chuckle “but iam surprised he still remember us, surely we’ve changed a little”

“nah, you’re still a baby face” jungkook gives a fake scowl, narrowing his eyes at you

“i don’t have a baby face” you can’t help the smile that grows on your lips, looking at him pout as it did.

“it’s not a bad thing, you’re cute” jungkook felt his heart leap at the compliment and it took him by surprise, why the fuck was his heart rate picking up over a stupid comment? his mind was working overtime while you didn’t really seem to notice him having an internal freak out. “here comes the drinks, he even remembered that”

“one coke and one milkshake, enjoy kids” the owner himself bought the drinks out and placed them on the table. you thanked him before taking a sip and jungkook leans forward to use the straw sticking out of his milkshake, not trusting his now shaky hands to lift the glass.

“so, tell me about the new friends you’ve made” you ask, wondering who he’s been hanging out with since you left. clearing his throat, he tries to ignore the random nervousness.

“well, i met these six guys after you left. we’re pretty close and then i have my roommate but i don’t see him often”

“ooh seven friends, maybe you could set me up?” jungkook suddenly froze, caught off guard at your words. you on the other hand had a sour taste in your mouth as soon as you said it, something about the thought of being set up made you feel strange. “iam joking, don’t want to be set up” jungkook nodded, a little relieved but he had no idea why he was getting worked up over the thought of you dating. you were just a friend, what was the problem?

“don’t think any of them would be your type, they’d just get on your nerves” he decided to crack a joke, trying to steer the conversation away from setting you up. he noticed that the owner was bringing your food over and he was glad there was a distraction from whatever was going through his mind.

“enjoy your food, and you better be back again after this” the owner orders and the both of you laugh, saying that you will. immediately the two of you dig in, pulling a slice of pizza each.

“this feels like old times” you comment making jungkook smile, between going to the arcade and now the diner- it truly felt like he was a kid again.

“it really does, just reminds me of all the times we were here before”

“jungkook stop!” you yell as you run into the diner to stop your best friend from pulling of your school tie for the millionth time.

“the knot is so tight can you even undo it?” he laughs as he follows you into the diner, sitting down opposing you in a booth. you look down and begin tugging at your school tie, jungkook having pulled it down so much on the walk here that the knot had tightened up.

“you’re so annoying” you huff making him laugh harder before a worker comes over to the two of you, smiling at your antics

“good to see you kids back, let me guess a pizza and fries to share?” the waitress had seen you two come in often, she always worked the early afternoon shift which was perfect timing for when all the kids finished school.

“yes please also a banana milkshake and a coke” jungkook says with a smile and the waitress nods before waking off to prepare the order. “my mum invited you over for dinner this weekend” you excitedly cheered and clapped at this

“her food is so good, iam there”

“excuse me you’re meant to be happy to spend time with me not eat the food” jungkook says and you shrug your shoulders

“i spend too much time with you, the food is more exciting”

“you know my mum is very happy to hear you’re back” jungkook says, the pizza was eaten and plate pushed to the side now the fries rest in between you two as the pair of you eat them.

“is she? did you tell her i was back?” jungkook shakes his head, remembering the phone call he got from his mum the day before

“actually your mum told her, apparently they’ve already had a wine night” you laugh at this, you should’ve known your mum would get back in contact straight away. the pair of your mums might have been even closer then you and jungkook

“of course they have”

“she’s invited you round as soon as you’re free by the way, she’s very excited” jungkook watched you nod at his words as you munched on some fries, he felt his heart melting at the sight. ever since you came back he finally felt like he was having a good time like he was supposed to be at uni.

you barely had time to see jungkook after your dinner together, the work load under you was too big to be having any spare time. the next time you saw him it was the day of namjoon’s party and you found yourself looking for him a soon as you entered the dorm. however the crowd of people all bunched together made it extremely difficult so you stuck to your roommate and followed her to go get a drink.

“are you looking for him?” your roommates question took you by surprise, was it really that obvious?

“who?” deciding to play it dumb didn’t exactly work out as she laughed and shook her head at you, although you don’t know why you were pretending not to know who she was on about- was it really so bad to want to see your long lost childhood bestie?

“you know who”

on the other side of the dorm, jungkook was almost on the top of his toes as he searched around the mountains of bodies in front of him to try and find you making hoseok side eye him.

“oh my god hi y/n!” hoseok loudly saying your name makes jungkook’s head turned sharply in his direction, only to not see you anywhere.

“you’re so whipped” his friend laughs and jungkook roles his eyes, a little bit disappointed that you weren’t actually there

“whatever” jungkook mumbles as he sips his drink when a hand touches his shoulder making him almost jump. for a split second he thought it was you, so he turns with a smile but his lips turn down instantly when he sees a random girl.

“wanna dance?” hoseok can’t help the chuckle that escapes him as he watches his friend get propositioned by a random girl, jungkook almost looked scared

“no, thanks” he turns on his heels instantly, leaving his back to the girl and now hoseok laughs wholeheartedly but jungkook doesn’t find anything funny about the situation. weirdly, all he can think about is you and where the fuck you were. you said you were definitely coming and would keep him company, which he needs now more then ever as all his friends have disappeared and hoseok is one more shot away from running off from him to either hook up or throw up. pulling out his phone he was about to send you a message when a face appears in his gaze as he looks down at the lit up screen. he laughs as he sees you staring up at him and steps back, you chuckle and give him a hug. hoseok eyes the situation and instead of introducing himself, he sneaks off.

“miss me?” you ask stepping away and jungkook smiles down at you, he very much did actually but he wasn’t about to let that information out

“nah not really” he couldn’t help but chuckle as you gasp and place a hand over your chest

“well i guess i’ll be going” you turn but don’t get far when jungkook wraps his hand around your arm to pull you back

“no no, you’re not leaving me alone i only have hos-” jungkook turns but the space his friends occupied is gone and now he just looks insane “apparently i have no one but you now”

“ah just like old times, iam your only friend” the pair of you laugh together but you become very aware of a lot of eyes directly looking at you. it wasn’t everyone around you, but a hefty number of them were looking. “do you wanna get some air?” jungkook seemed to be relieved that you asked and nodded his head before leading the way out. you tried you hardest to stay behind him but with people constantly pushing past or drunkenly stumbling, it was difficult to keep close. huffing as you almost trip for the third time, you squeeze past a tall guy and grab onto the back of jungkook’s hooding making him halt his movements and look down at where you gripped him, his heart beat picking up “sorry i’ve had enough of trying to keep up with your long ass legs” he chuckles at you and shakes his head before moving again, you holding tightly onto him this time. finally making it out the back door and away from the crowd, you let go on jungkook and follow him as he walks all the way to the back of the house where a hammock was hung. it was silent for a little while the pair of you tried to sit on the hammock with falling out.

“iam sorry they were all staring” jungkook broke the small silence and you look to him next you, upset at his apology. it annoyed you that he felt the need to say sorry for something that wasn’t even his fault

“don’t apologise, why do you have to be sorry?”

“people always do when a girl is talking to me, i just don’t want them thinking badly of you. that you’re a fool for spending time with me” jungkook looked so ashamed and it broke you’re heart. unless this was some long con from him, he was exactly the same as when you knew him.

“i don’t care what people think about me jungkook, iam just happy to have my best friend back” a smile decorated his lips as he looked at you, the realisation that you were back by his side seemed so sweet at this moment.

“jungkook’s reeled in another one!” the sound of a voice shouting across the garden makes you and jungkook frown, sure it was drunk rambling but just the thought of someone talking about women in such a way had you rumbled

“at least one guy can, where’s your catch of the day?” you shout back, embarrassing the guy as he stumbles back into the main bulk of the party. it was childish to shout back, but you couldn’t help it. jungkook couldn’t help but lean his head back and laugh, he knew the guy shouting- he was at every party. always got too drunk and too handsy. “was that too childish?” you chuckle as you look over to jungkook next to you

“no, i enjoyed it” smiling to yourself you look back out to the party before looking back over to jungkook.

“will your friends be looking for you? i don’t want to take up all your time” he shakes his head before moving to sit up properly

“there probably too drunk by now to remember who i am. plus id rather catch up with you then pulled around by them, they’re to sociable for me” chuckling at this you take a moment to enjoy the comfortable silence that was growing. your thoughts of the past overtook for a moment and you couldn’t help but reminisce

“isn’t it crazy how we found each other again? i always regretted losing contact with you” slowly jungkook raises his head to look down at you on his side, his gaze so soft.

“i regret it too, i wish i had you here from the start” a smile found its way to your lips as you returned his gaze, the hustle of the party long forgotten

“jungkook? can i ask you a question?”

“of course” you take a beat to think if you wanted to ask this certain thing, but ultimately you decided you needed to

“why did you stop playing football you enjoyed so much? you never gave me a proper answer when we met again” he was taken back by the question, mostly because he didn’t want to answer it. you were the reason, he didn’t necessarily blame you for his lack of ambition to continue playing- but as soon as you weren’t by his side to encourage him, his passion was gone.

“i got old, played like shit” a snort made its way out of your nose at this excuse, jungkook chuckled along already knowing you could see through his bullshit reason.

“you have a natural talent at dodging questions, tell me the real reason” sighing, he looked away from you and to his feet. he wasn’t one to enjoy heart to hearts particularly, but this was you asking and there was no way he could deny you anything you wanted.

“y/n, when you left i tried to carry on- it just wasn’t the same. you were the only one to push me to carrying on playing as many sports as i did, without you there it just- seemed pointless” to say you were shocked was an understatement, you never expected that to be his answer and you felt- guilty. sure you had no choice, your family were moving away, you couldn’t stay even if you wanted to. but you still felt responsible, jungkook was so talented which is why to supported so wholeheartedly

“iam, sorry jungkook”

“it wasn’t your fault”

“that’s not all iam sorry for,” he looked over at you silently, having no idea what you meant

“iam sorry you lost your spark for life , iam sorry those stupid rumours spread and iam sorry i never stayed in contact” his eyes were suddenly glassy, the weight of all he was holding in felt like it suddenly released. “i can see that that twinkle behind those eyes has gone, but you deserve the best jungkook and iam determined to get that spark back to you” he stayed quiet, worried that if he even tired to saying anything his voice would break. “now, let’s get back and actually get this party”

two weeks after the party and in the pitch dark of the evening, jungkook found himself stood across from you on the campus football field. there was the distant sound of a party happening nearby, which is where he would’ve usually found himself in the past, now he couldn’t help but chuckle as he was far from the party and out in the cold watching you fumble around with an american football.

“do you even know the rules?” he asks with a little laugh and you stop messing with the ball and place it under your arm to look up at him

“no” you shrug “but i don’t need to. this is all about you buddy and getting back into the action- catch” you throw the ball at him suddenly making him jump and put his hands out. he grasps the ball momentarily but it slips from him and tumbles onto the floor “see that! you can’t even catch anymore” huffing he leans down to pick up the fallen ball before straightening back up to look at you

“you caught me by surprise! of course i didn’t get it” your hands find your hips as you look at him before shaking your head at him

“oh yeah because on the field when the opposition throws the ball they’re gonna go ‘hey jungkook pre warning iam throwing the ball now, ready to try and intercept,?” he scowls stop you momentarily but you know he’s trying not to smile at your sarcasm “younger jungkook would’ve caught that” you tease making jungkook roll his eyes at you

“younger jungkook also played and trained multiple times every week”

“younger jungkook would not have excuses, then again he was also hotter so-” your sentence is cut short as he light throws the ball at you jokingly and you catch it as you laugh. “ok, jokes aside. does it feel at least nice to be back on the field?” a little smile comes upon his face as he looked around the dimly lit field, quietly thinking about how much time he used to spend playing.

“you know what, it kinda does” he jumps a little when you clap your hands together once after putting the ball under your armpit and begin walking away from the field

“and that’s day one complete let’s go eat” you call out and he quickly rushes to your side as you continue to walk of the field

“wait that’s it? we’re not gonna throw the ball around or anything?” you stop in your tracks making his movement halt too, turning you look up at him

“jungkook, this isn’t about jumping straight back into playing. it’s about how you feel, before now you said you fell out of love it- forcing you to play immediately isn’t my aim. i want you to remember all those feeling you had when you played all the time. now, let’s eat” you finish your little speech and walk away while jungkook stands dumbfounded a little but shakes his head with a smile and runs to catch up with you.

three weeks after the party and jungkook opened his dorm door to find you stood there with a big bag and canvas’ under your arms.

“let’s paint” you say simply before walking away and jungkook rushes to put on some shoes and grab his key before chasing after you. he follows you all the way to some greenery space on campus where you stop and set down your things.

“you could’ve at least give me time to prepare myself” he mumbles out before sitting next to you and you chuckle as you unwrap all the things you had brought

“you need to prepare yourself to paint? weirdo” rolling his eyes he scoots a little closer to you to have a good look at what you were pulling out your bag. “okay! two canvases each, we have normal, water colour and charcoal. take your pick” with that you poured a little water in a dish and opened the water colour set before painting away quietly. looking at you momentarily, jungkook leans forward and grabs the normal paint with a paint brush. looking around him he decides to just paint the tree directly in his line of view. as the brush strokes sweep across the campus he embraces the calm silence that sweeps over the pair of you. it was so peaceful and it took the time to appreciate it, looking quickly over at you he noted how focused you looked. your eyebrows furrowed a little as bring the canvas in your hand a little closer to your face as you work. a slight breeze came, blowing your hair slightly and before he realised it- he was staring at you in a sort of a trance.

“okay iam done!” your voice made him blink a couple times before he quickly looks away, clearing his throat he looks over down at his canvas “wow that’s great” you compliment and he looks up to see you eyeing his work that laid in front of him.

“it’s just a tree” he shrugs but meets your eyes and you don’t look too impressed at his dismissal

“a very well painted and pretty tree” you say sternly making him chuckle, his cheeks warming slightly at your words.

“ok we’ll let me see yours” he leans forward but you put your canvas up to your chest before he gets the chance to see. he raised an eyebrow at you and goes to grab it but you stand making him look up at you “come on, let me see”

“hm iam good” his teeth catch his bottom lip before he stands up, there’s a mischievous glint in his eyes and you narrow yours at him “jungkook” you warn but he smiles before taking a swipe at the canvas and you quickly step away

“hey let me see!” you laugh before running away and without thinking he goes after you, laughing with you as he tries to grab your work but you move it out of his reach as he chases you around.

“oh my god it’s like iam watching a netflix original chick flick” taehyung mutters to yoongi as the pair watch you run around from opposite the greenery

“hm, it’s good to see him like that” yoongi says with a shrug of his shoulders “but my ass is she just his childhood best friend, i bet they’re together by the end of the year” taehyung looks over to his friend and back to the pair of you still chasing each other around like children

“end of the year?” he questions making yoongi look to him “i say within the next two months, bet fifty on it” the older chuckles and puts his hand out to initiate a shake. taehyung smiles and puts his hand in his and the pair shake on it.

“you forget how shy that kid is, really think he’s confessing by two months time?” yoongi asks making taehyung’s smile drop at the realisation “easiest fifty i ever made”

four weeks after the party and you stand opposite jungkook at the club sign up stand with your arms across your chest as you eye each other.

“iam not doing it” he states, with a hint of amusement in his tone. the football volunteer looks at the pair of you across the table as you have your little debate

“it’s just try outs jungkook stop being a baby, you like playing just do it” he tilts his head at you, smile itching to come out. he wondered why you were dragging him out of his dorm at 10am and was not that surprised when you led him all the way to the sign up table.

“i haven’t played in ages y/n, there’s no point i’ll be no good” you scoff taking him by surprise, in reality he was dying to sign his name on that piece of paper but his nerves wouldn’t allow him to do it. he didn’t wanna get out there and make a fool of himself, everyone already had certain thoughts about him and he didn’t wanna add ‘shit football player’ to there list of reasons to talk about him

“i know you want to and who cares if you haven’t played in a while? it’s not the fucking pros, iam signing you up” you conclude before leaning down to the table and picking up a pen but he rushed to snatch the pen from your grip

“okay okay wait!” he rushes out and you look up to him, waiting for him to speak “fine, i will go to try out if… you show me that painting you did last week” there’s a moment of silence as you contemplate this, ultimately you just wanted to see him back out there.

“ok” you sigh “sign your stupid name and i’ll show you when you’re finished with try outs” smiling jungkook scribbles his name and student number on this sheet before placing the pen down and looking back at you, seeing such a genuine smile on your lips- his heart skips a beat making him let out a shaky breath.

“ok breakfast time” he gets out quickly before brushing past you and heading off. you move your feet quickly to catch up with him and the volunteer watches the pair of you before looking away.

“he’s so in love with her” he mentions to his friend sat beside him who nods in agreement. once you catch up to him you pat his back making him look down to you

“thank you for signing up, i know it was properly nerve racking. you’re gonna do great i promise and i’ll be there watching” he didn’t like the way his heart rate raised slightly with excitement at the thought of you coming to watch.

“well thank you for pushing me, i guess iam nervous” he lets out as the pair of you walk onto the campus cafe.

“it’s ok to be nervous actually it’s a good thing” you say as the pair of you sit at a table close to the big windows overlooking the campus

“really?” he questions, sitting opposite you

“of course, look when i came back you didn’t have your little spark that made you- you. to see you have these feelings for the game again, it’s just nice to see” for a moment he just lets your words process, how you let out such nice words so easily took the air out of his lungs.

“hey buddy long time no see!” looking up he sees namjoon with a grin and jin by his side walking over to the table and gets up with a smile to greet them

“what’s up guys?” he says before looking back over to you “oh this is y/n, y/n these are my friends namjoon and jin” he introduces and you stand, giving each a friendly hug before you all sit back down

“wow so you’re the guys who took over my babysitting?” you joke making them laugh and jungkook roll his eyes at you

“it’s nice to finally meet you, jungkook never shut up about-” jin jumps slightly feeling jungkook’s foot meet his knee under the table making him scowl at the younger one

“you know it’s so nice to see jungkook happy again. i noticed your name on the football sign up sheet, good for you man” namjoon says, a proud hand patting jungkook on his shoulder making you smile fondly. you couldn’t help the warm feeling that brewed up watching him talk to his friends about getting back on the field.

“well we’ll be there to cheer you on buddy” jin says and you don’t fail to notice the smile that is planted on jungkooks face

“come on guys it’s only try outs” he try’s to dismiss but no one at the table lets him

“and you’re gonna be the best there, and we will be there to see it” you grab his hand momentarily that rested upon the table and namjoon and jin share a look, fighting the smirks they wanted to let out

“well we better be going, nice to meet you y/n and jungkook- see you out on the field” namjoon says before him and jin get up to leave the cafe.

it was try out day and jungkook couldn’t fight the nerves that were bubbling in his stomach as he walked with his duffle bag to the field. sure, it wasn’t a proper game but he couldn’t fight the feeling that he was just gonna mess the whole thing up and look stupid.

“you look like you’re gonna shit your guts out” he jumped at the sudden voice beside him and looked to find your grin

“gee thanks y/n” you chuckle before grabbing his upper arm to stops his movement

“you’re gonna be great ok? there’s loads of guys out there that have properly never played before and just wanted to try a new club. you’re not going to look stupid, i promise” smiling at you he nods, he wanted to reply with words but he couldn’t pull any together to truly show his gratitude for just how wonderful you’ve been since you came back. In just over a month now he managed to not attended any parties, get his grades up and get back on field. He knew you were the sole reason for all of this, but he just didn’t know how to thank you properly.

“there he is, football coaches wet dream!” jimin yells from quite a distance, making people turn there heads which made jungkook’s cheeks burn up ever so slightly as all his friends made there way to him and you

“really? you’re all here? it’s just try out guys this is embarrassing” jungkook whines making you chuckle and hoseok gasps sarcastically placing his palm over his chest

“we are not embarrassing you little shit- we’re supportive” he concludes before patting jungkook on his back “now you go warm up, the guys are already on the field. we will take care of y/n” jungkook glances at you for a moment and you nod affirmation that it’s fine

“have fun” you smile “iam off to get some embarrassing stories from your friends” rolling his eyes, jungkook walks off onto the field while you walk off with all six of his close friends, remembering he clearly classed his roommate as friend you grew confused as to why he wasn’t here “jungkook mentioned that he had roommate who is his friend but doesn’t see often. why isn’t he here?” you notice them all share silent looks between themselves as if having a telepathic conversation with on another.

“well um, his roommate isn’t the greatest of friends he could have. just wants jungkook to get laid all the time, thinks it’s the greatest fucking thing ever.” yoongi grumbles out the you all take seats just off the field. you frown at this but don’t have time to add some follow up questions

“y/n he doesn’t actually care about jungkook in any other way. in fact, since jungkook hasn’t gone to any parities with him for while, he’s basically dropped him” taehyung goes onto explain and you take a moment to process. maybe that’s why jungkook said he never saw him often? if all this roommate cared about was partying and sex, then he definitely would be avoiding jungkook at this point in time.

“what a fucking prick” you mutter out and the guys are thrown off slightly before laughing. in all honestly half of them have never met you and they knew just how much you meant to jungkook. they didn’t wanna risk telling you anything that he didn’t want you to know, but with the way you’re talking and so easily taking his side- you’d definitely fit in well

“oh he is, in all honesty we reckon that he just got close to him in the first place because he was jealous of him. i mean, everyone was talking about jungkook when he started- they completely loved him” namjoon explained and this had you thinking. jungkook had such a bad time because of those stupid rumours and he was actually loved at first by everyone? it must have been hard for him to know who actually wanted to be friends and who just wanted to say they knew him.

“well at least he has all of you guys, i can tell how much you love him” the all smile fondly at you before a loud whistles blows making you all turn your attention to the field

“he has you too now, we you love him just as much” jimin says nicely before turning to try and spit jungkook on the field.

an hour later and all of you rushed over to jungkook as the coach dismisses everyone. “you were great out there! it’s like you never left man” namjoon slings an arm around jungkook as the younger drinks a hefty amount out his water bottle, panting in between sips

“my stamina is so fucking bad now” you lean up on your toes slightly and slap the back of his head, not too hard making jump and whip to face you

“stop being so hard on yourself and take the compliment” the boys chuckle at the scene in front of them

“i like her, let’s keep her” jin let’s out making you smile while jungkook gathers his things up before slinging his bag over his shoulders before you all begin walking off together.

“how about we all grab a bite to eat?” you suggest and you never thought a simple sentence would get six guys so fired up in an instance. they all muttered between them about what to eat and where to go- it sparked quite a little debate. while they all discussed jungkook pulls you back behind them a little and you look to him.

“do you really think i did okay out there? i wasn’t to rusty? didn’t do anything stupid?” if he didn’t seem so evidently worried you would’ve slapped him again but you knew it wasn’t time to be messing around

“jungkook you were really good, i know it was just simple practices and all but you really shined out there.” he smiles at you and seems to go to say something else but someone else get ahead of him

“we’re getting pizza losers come on” jimin shouts from the little distance that was created between the pair of you and the group.

“you know you still haven’t shown me you’re painting?” a week after try outs your were sat opposite jungkook on your bed . both of your legs cross crossed. it had been a couple hours since he first arrived, the time filled with different youtube videos, snacks and games. the current form of entertainment, uno

“i was hoping you wouldn’t remember” you mutter as you place a green five onto of the pile in-between the pair of you

“what is with you not wanting to show me? you are good at art, always have been. you took all of those classes” jungkook says as he places down a green seven onto the pile and you shrug, it wasn’t about the quality of the painting more of the meaning

“ugh okay fine” you say before placing your cards face down on your bed before getting up “don’t look at my cards” you point a finger in his direction and he laughs before you turn and begin to rummage your desk drawers. grabbing it from the back you close the drawer back up and turn back to him, eyes meeting his clearly excited face. “look away” you say handing it to him, facing down. he smiles as flips it as you sit back down, his face was hard to read but jungkook was stunned as his eyes met an outline portrait of his own face made of an array of bright colours with a couple of paint splashes on the edges of the canvas. but right where his pupils should be, we’re little stars. “i was going to give it to you in a couple months time, you know when you got your little spark back and fell back in love with the small things in life again. but after seeing you at tryouts i don’t mind giving it to you now”

you’re explanation floored him, he felt his heart tighten in his chest. he knew he had good friends but no one had ever done something so… so thoughtful.

“y/n this is, this great i love it. thank you”

“well you’re very welcome, now back to business” you place one of your two cards down onto the deck, a green two “uno!” you exclaim with one card left in your hand.

“hm, don’t get too excited” jungkook let’s out before placing a plus two card onto the deck making you groan in turn making him laugh. picking up two from the spare pile you look at the three you having while jungkook decides his next move

“can i ask you something?”

“you just did” rolling you’re eyes at him you watch as he shifts through his couple of cards and you decide to continue

“how come you stopped going to the campus parties?” the question took him back, he hadn’t really thought much about partying since you came back into his life- finding a night with you way more fun then any party he’s attended here

“no reason really. i wanted to stop a while back, just lost interest. all they really involved was taeyong bringing girls to me and trying to hook me up, i grew bored of it” you nod at this as jungkook places down a colour card and say a quick ‘yellow’.

“and he’s your roommate right?” he nods to this and you take a moment to look at your cards before placing a yellow one onto the pile. “iam guessing he isn’t happy with your lack of attendance?” you ask but it comes across as more of a statement then a question

“yeah, he’s been moping around the dorm whenever i see him. although last week he stopped speaking to me all together” you raise your eyebrows slightly in shock at this, sure he could miss his friend and roommate attending parties with him. but to stop speaking to him at all because of it? that seemed a bit extreme

“does that upset you?” jungkook shrugged at this, before placing a yellow eight onto the ever growing pile in the middle of the pair of you, leaving him with three cards in his hands.

“not really, we weren’t exactly close to begin with. plus i have you and the guys, more then enough for me” you were happy to here this, honestly you didn’t want your return to ruin any existing friends he already had. placing down a green eight you claim uno once again as you you were back one card

“for fuck sake i changed the colour for a reason” he grumbles making you laugh as he picks up three cards from the untouched deck before managing to place a green five onto the deck

“well i changed it back for a reason too” you say before slamming down a pick up four, the last card in your hand “i win!”

“how nice of you to separate from your mrs’ to join us” jungkook glares at taehyung’s comment, but didn’t miss the beat his heart took at you being called his. well that’s new. he chose to ignore it

“don’t make me regret joining you” he grumbles as he plants himself on the grass, in the circle all the boys had created.

“stop teasing him” namjoon says in his defence and jungkook gives a smile as appreciation

“and stop ass kissing so you can be the best man at their wedding” another beat was skipped in his heart at taehyung’s words and it was beginning to annoy him, his heart shouldn’t be so responsive about a joke of him marrying his best friend.

“i will be the best man so no one get your hopes up” jimin joins in and everyone laughs, not jungkook though- he takes a deep breath.

“where is y/n today?” hoseok asks and all eyes go to jungkook

“she’s at a lecture right now” he mumbles, hoping the subject of you would change so his heart would stop beat so damn fast

“will she join us after?” yoongi’s question didnt aide the hoped for subject change jungkook was wanting.

“should be ending now, could ask her if you want” jungkook suggests, he was going to ask to see you today anyway, as he did everyday

“i actually have plans with her today” jungkook’s head shoots to taehyung, he what? his shock was apparently evident because his friend explains “bumped into her the other day, she takes english like me so gonna help her study, we’re going to that diner down the road” he shrugs as jungkook remains silent, sounds a lot like a study date to him- he didn’t like it. he wasn’t too sure why he didn’t like it, but he just didn’t.

“not you stealing his wife” jimin mutters, an attempt at a joke but the death stare he received from jungkook made his smile drop.

“hi guys!” a voice struck through the awkward tension and all heads turn to you coming towards them. everyone gives a small greeting but jungkook remains silent, but gives you a smile. how could he not as you squeeze yourself next to him in the circle, looking ever so pretty

pretty?

his smile dropped at his thoughts, his gazed dropped to your hand on his thigh as you dropped next to him- using it to stable yourself. his heartbeat picked up, his cheeks flushed, his mind raced. his friends began to chatter around him but he couldn’t hear a word, he knew now, knew that he liked you- more then a friend and thought terrified him. a thousand scenarios played in his imagination at once;

you finding out and never talking to him again

him confessing and you laughing in his face and never talking to him again

you finding out and dropping him with no further explanation and never talking to him again

him confessing and-

“jungkook you listening?” your voice pulls his attention and he looks at you, why were you so fucking pretty?

“he definitely wasn’t listening” hoseok laughs as does everyone else but he doesn’t, he feels sick. the look of concern on your face doesn’t help either, god you were always so thoughtful.

“i-i need to go do something” he mumbles quickly before standing and walking off, but it seemed he just couldn’t escape you, as you were not on his trail as he walked into the nearest building

“hey jungkook, what’s wrong?” he didn’t stop, no he picked up his pace breathing hard while looking “careful!” he didn’t have time to register anything before you had him pushed up against a wall, hands on his waist, body pushed up against him. a flock of students rushed past them as you held him, almost protecting him as they ran by. his breathe got caught in his throat as he looked down at you just as you turned your head and looked up at him. jungkook became hyper aware of your body against his and your hands tight on his sides, his thin shirt the only thing in between them and his skin. slowly, you pulled away and he let out a heavy sigh before pushing himself off the wall, you were still too close.

“i- uh”

“spill, you’re acting weird” he couldn’t get any words out, he tried but his mind couldn’t come up with anything and an uncomfortable silence grew thick.

“oh god i don’t want to talk about that lame excuse for a man, can’t believe i have to deal with him as a roommate” a familiar voice came from nearby and jungkook lifts his head and spots taeyong coming down the hallway. you followed his gaze before turning back

“is that your roommate?” jungkook does nothing but nod, still processing the words he heard from the boys mouth. suddenly he’s being pushed into a nearby door and into a tiny cupboard before you join him. there was barely space for a mop in it and he blushed as you squeezed in front of him, your ass pressing against his front. you closed the door just in time as taeyong stood in front of it, there were small slits in the door meaning you could hear clearly and see most of the outside.

“y/n what”

“shh” you whisper quietly and lean forward to hear better, only making your ass press into the blushing boy even more and he couldn’t even retreat anywhere.

“man i can’t believe you started those rumours about him and he still doesn’t know it was you” jungkook’s eyes widen slightly and you return the look as you turn your head to him before turning back to listen

“still thinks it was that girl he hooked up with the first time.” taeyong scoffs before continuing “he should be thanking me though, gave him ass on tap” you rolled your eyes at this but jungkook remained frozen, his roommate spread those rumours about him? he’s the reason no girl on campus wanted anything serious with him?

“mate you only did that because people started to like him more than you”

“yeah well now they think he hates relationships and think girls are nothing more then a good fuck, i made sure of it” with that the voices faded and you slowly opened the door before stepping out but jungkook remained stood.

“let’s go jungkook” you spoke softly but the look on your face screamed that you were furious. slowly he steps out and you close the door behind him “how fucking dare he, what kind of person does something like that? we’re going straight to the school board and we’re reporting his ass”

“y/n, i don’t want to think about this right now. can we just, go do something?” your heart broke, he sounded so hurt so betrayed and it pained you to see it. the whole ordeal made jungkook push his new feelings aside, he just needed your company right now.

“iam moving dorms” they were the first words jungkook had spoken to taeyong for a long time. he thought his roommate was just being dramatic and ignoring him for ditching parties, but he was wrong. without jungkook’s attendance he couldn’t push girls in his direction and buff up his made up stories. it only took a couple of days for his request to switch to be accepted and he was glad for it because every time he saw taeyongs face he just wanted to bash the living shit out of him

“woah what you talking about buddy?” jungkook’s eye twitched at the audacity of him, how two faced could one person be?

“iam not your buddy” taeyongs facarde dropped slightly, his fake smile turning into a frown. “don’t ever come anywhere near me again, or i swear to god i will beat the fuck out of you”

“what the fuck is your problem?” jungkook’s patience was running very thin with each word that came out of the mans mouth. he had his days of being sad and now he was just angry.

“hm let’s have a think, what could possibly be my problem with you?” he mocks thinking as taeyong just stares at him, jaw locked “oh i know, maybes it’s you talking behind my fucking back and ruining my reputation” shock spilled across his ex roommates face but jungkook was finished with this conversation, he walked l to his room to pack up his things- empty boxes already there waiting to be filled. but taeyong didn’t seem to be finished as he followed him

“so what i said some things about you? gave you some good lays didn’t i?” jungkook closed his he’s momentarily in frustration at the man speaking behind him. god how did he stand him for this long? calling human women lays? was he always this infuriating? “not my fault that slag came into your life and cockblocked you” jungkook’s back straightens. his hands turn into fists.

“get the fuck away from me, and keep her name out of your mouth” he gets out through gritted teeth not turning to face the the man because he didn’t think he could hold back if he looked at him. taeyong mocks a laugh

“how good is that fucking pussy for you to be whipped so badly?” he whipped around and before he knew what he was doing his fist connected to taeyong’s face making him stumble backwards, his had flew to his cheek before he chuckled with no humour behind it. he lunged forward at jungkook and the two began to throw punches, knocking things over in the room as they did so. taeyong grabs jungkook by his shirt “you think you’re so fucking perfect don’t you! you’re so pathetic!” jungkook grips his shoulders, shoving him off before pushing him again making taeyong stumble into a desk making everything on it tumble to the ground, including the painting you had done of him making loud several bangs. breathing hard as he looks at the fallen painting, he exits the rooms in a hast, face hurting and blood trickling down his cheeks. he was sure he’d ended up killing the guy if he carried on so left making sure to slam the door behind him and heading straight across campus with one place in mind. he ignores all the stares thrown his way from other students as he stomps into the girls dormitory and straight to your door. he knocks a couple times before you open the door

“jungkook oh my god!” he manages a smile at your shock before he’s pulled in by you and lead straight to your room “sit” you order and he listens, planting himself on your bed immediately. you leave momentarily before returning with a small first aid box in your hands and sit next to him. opening your supplies instantly. “you look awful” he lets out a laugh before wincing, the cut on his lip stinging. you put some liquid onto a cotton swab before gently gripping his face, turning him to look at you. he takes a sharp intake of breath as you dab the swab onto his lip but as you continue he just stares at you. blinking slowly he takes you in, pyjama shorts tight on your thighs and crop top snug on your torso.

he thinks as you work on his face, about the blind date you went on, about your speech declaring to help him bring his sparkle back, to your painting you did of him. every single moment since you came back was dedicated to him, to helping him enjoy everything he fell out of love with since you’d left. football, painting everything you did was to help him fall back in love with the life he lost when you went away, but he realised something in that moment as he watched you wipe cream onto his wounds. it wasn’t those things that he was in love with, it was you. he didn’t love playing football, he loved seeing you cheer for him on the sidelines. it wasn’t painting that he loved, it was you painting beside him that he loved. you cared for him, you listened to him, you wanted his opinion. jungkook realised in that single moment that everything that made him feel alive ever since he was a kid, all came back to you and suddenly his feelings didn’t scare him like they did before, they ignited something in him. they ignited want and desire but also a feeling of warmth and peace.

it happened in the blink of an eye, he leant down and smashed his lips into yours, hand coming up to hold the back of your head- fingers threading through your hair. you dropped the swab, hand fumbling on the bed making the tin fall to the ground, the contents spilling onto the floor. jungkook pulls back slightly, lips still hovering over yours and you could feel his breath.

“iam sorry i-” you didn’t let him finish, leaning forward planting your lips on his again in a rushed motion making him groan. his hand reaches down, gripping your thigh before lifting you onto his lap without breaking the kiss. you gently bite onto his bottom lip making him gasp from the slight sting of his cut but also the feeling of your teeth digging into him which allowed you to stick your tongue into his mouth. his hands moved up your thighs before grazing your ass then trailed up gripping your waist, pulling you into him harder. his touch set your skin alive in a phantom burning sensation making you grind into him, his head falls back breaking the kiss and he whines quietly at your movement. and it was the best fucking noise you have ever heard. your lips move to his neck making him fall back on the bed and you follow him, attacking the spot underneath his ear “fuck, y/n” he whispers and you have to suppress a groan that’s bubbling in your throat. his grip tightens on your waist, and you feel how hard he is underneath you, you’re shorts not creating much of a barrier. you’re satisfied with the mark you leave behind, knowing you’ve wanted nothing more then to claim this man ever since you were teenagers. licking a strip from the base of his neck to the mark beneath his ear he shivers and you immediately go back to his lips before he leans his head into your bed

“this was not one of the scenarios that i thought about happening” he pants and you chuckle at him

“you’ve made up scenarios about this?” he suddenly groans in embarrassment

“i shouldn’t have said that”

“what if i said i made up scenarios too?” you ask and his eyes snap to yours “so many times” you lean and whisper directly into his ear and he moans “always thought about this, you under me, me under you. but with less clothes” jungkook’s sighs before you’re suddenly flipped over making you gasp as he lies between your legs.

“if you don’t shut that pretty mouth of yours iam gonna come before any of our clothes are off”

waking up with the sunlight hitting his face, jungkook groans as his eyes flutter open. he’s confused for a second as his surroundings isn’t his dorm but he instantly smiles when he remembers where he is. turning over his eyes meet you, blankets wrapped around you as you face his direction. you were still asleep, hair sprawled on the pillow, sighing he runs his hand on your waist before it moves to your back. you sigh in your sleep before shuffling into his direction, his arms instantly go to hug you into him and your arm goes over his waist making his heart leap. he felt the happiest he’s been since you left, this was the best outcome he could’ve asked for. jungkook had no idea where the confidence came from to kiss you last night, he just couldn’t hold it back now he knew his true feelings. his attention drew to you as he felt you stir awake, looking down your eyes open slowly.

“morning” he mumbles and you sigh before moving onto your back to stretch

“good morning” you let out before yawing and coming back to cuddle into him, making his heart flutter

“i guess we should talk about last night”

“sorry, don’t want to date just wanted to see if the rumours were true” jungkook leans away to look at you but kept his arms around your body “kidding” you say before running your hands down his chest

“you’re so mean” he grumbles making you laugh as you move your hands to his neck, pulling him back to you. he moves down and snuggles his head into you neck, allowing you to cuddle him as you run your fingers through his hair making his eyes close

“isn’t it weird that this doesn’t feel weird?” you ask making him grin. he agreed, nothing about this felt wrong it felt so right.

“iam just going to count everything before this as foreplay” you laugh at this and jungkook joins you

“that was some interesting foreplay” sighing you drop your hand to his shoulder but quickly jungkook grabs your hand and brings it back to his hair, smiling you continue playing with it “so what do you want now? for us i mean?” you were worried about the response, you couldn’t help it. you knew exactly what you wanted from this but you weren’t too sure about jungkook

“isn’t it obvious? iam obsessed with you y/n, iam annoyed i didn’t realise it sooner” your eyes widen at the information but he doesn’t stop “no one has ever meant as much to me as you do, everything you’ve tried to make me love again since you’ve been back doesn’t amount to you. i can’t believe i’ve never noticed it before, my life went to shit went we fell out of contact and it instantly got better when you came back. i need you in my life y/n, i really don’t know what i would do if you wasn’t” your breathing stilled momentarily, you heartbeat heavy. god you felt the exact same way, your life abroad was boring and empty without him. it was the main reason you came back with your parents when they said they were returning

“jungkook, i feel the same about you. you’re one of the most interesting people i’ve ever met. you deserve so much and there isn’t one day that goes by where i wouldn’t drop everything for you” his chest tightened, why had it take them so fucking long to get to this point? he didn’t know but now you were at that point and he was sure that he was never going to let you slip from him again.

jungkook smiled as you walked hand in hand to the greenery on campus to meet with the rest of the boys.

“oh my god it’s happening” taehyung gasps, holding his hand over his heart making you laugh as jungkook sits down and pulls you to sit between his legs. the whole group began clapping making you hide behind your hands but jungkook simply laughed, although a red tint did rise on his cheeks. after they’re done yoongi holds out some money in taehyung’s direction and he happily takes it, making everyone look at them

“did you bet on them getting together?” namjoon asks and yoongi nods making jungkook roll his eyes

“i said by the end of the year, he said by two months. i didn’t count on his shy ass actually making a move” yoongi explains making you chuckle but you stop when you see the other boys begin to swap money between them

“you all fucking bet on us?” you ask in disbelief and they all shrugged with smiles on their faces.

“you’re all horrible friends” jungkook mumbles but that only makes them smile more.

“we’re the best, and in fact i was the one who set you two up on that blind date. you probably wouldn’t even know you went to the same college if it wasn’t for me” hoseok says smugly but you making a noise making everyone turn to you and jungkook look down at you from behind

“y/n?” he asks and you smile

“actually i saw you at a party before the date. i was pretty sure it was you but i wasn’t too sure, i kept staring at you, probably looked creepy as fuck” you chuckle at the memory but jungkook furrows his eyebrows in thought, but jimin beat him to it

“yes i remember! that was you?”

“you saw me?” you asked, horrified you had been caught out

“it was pretty obvious you just stood there staring at him” he laughs and you groan, leaning back into jungkook who’s arms wrap around your front

“i can’t believe that was you, if only i turned around” he thinks out loud as everyone else begins to chat separately.

“i kind of prefer the way we met again, it was unexpected. makes for a good story, almost as if it was fate” jungkook never thought he believed in fate but right now, he just might. and as he looked around at all of his friends, and new girlfriend, laughing with each other he felt content. sure he had fallen back in love with all the little things he used to, but more importantly he realised he loved you all those years ago- and he fell right back in love the moment you turned around in front of that music building when he saw for the first time again.

#bts fanfic #jungkook #taehyung #jimin #seokjin #bts imagine #namjoon #yoongi #hoseok #jungkook friends to lovers #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #jungkook oneshot

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woso-dreamzzz · 4 months

Text

Ausenal

Arsenal Women x Teen!Reader

Summary: You join the other Aussies at Arsenal

"Yeah, all you really need to worry about is if the big girls will let you play with them," Kyra teased from the seat next to you, pinching at your cheek," They might not and then you'll be left on the bench!"

"Kyra!" Steph snapped from the driving seat," Leave her alone!"

"I'm just joking!" Kyra laughed.

You didn't really find it funny. You were a ball of anxious energy as Steph drove you and the rest of 'Ausenal' to training. You and Kyra had, technically, signed for Arsenal on the same day but you had remained stuck in Australia after because you had to sort out some stuff about school so Kyra had already met everybody before you did.

"It's not funny," Steph said," She's scared."

"I'm not scared!" You denied it even though you were definitely scared and, had you not been sitting down, you would definitely be shaking in your shoes.

"You don't have to be scared," Caitlin said, finally looking up from her phone," Everyone's cool. If anything, they'll just complain about another Aussie joining them. We're taking over."

"And by complain," Steph said sternly," She means tease. No one's going to complain about you, munchkin."

"Munchkin!" Kyra giggled, pinching at your cheek as you tried to pull away.

The nickname had stuck ever since your call up to the national team when they went through a bout of injuries that meant that the scrawny nearly-sixteen year old had been deemed one of the next best alternatives and you had never been able to escape since.

Playing with, as Kyra called them, 'the big girls' had been your dream for years but now that you'd made it, you couldn't quite believe it and your shyness had come out in full force.

"Alright," Steph said as you all piled out," Boots?"

"Yeah."

"Socks?"

"Uh-huh."

"Schoolwork?"

"Yep."

"Good." She adjusted your coat and smoothed down the flyaway strands of your hair that were sticking up. "Okay. We're training until lunch and then we've got a two-hour break before the gym session. Do you know what you're doing during that?"

"My schoolwork."

"And, do you-"

"Come on, Steph," Caitlin said, slinging her arm over your shoulder," We've been through this like ten times. Yes, she'll do her homework. Yes, she'll make sure to socialise. Can we go now?"

Steph sighed. "Go on."

Caitlin began to steer you away.

"And make sure she fills up her bottle before training starts!"

The locker room was just as loud as your old locker room back at Perth Glory and it settled you a little bit as you ended up getting changed next to Caitlin, staring straight ahead at your cubby.

The other girls took their time so you were left just sitting on the bench and clicking the heels of your boots together as you waited. You didn't really know your way around so you just had to wait until one of the older girls finished getting ready and took you to the pitch.

"Hey. You're that Australian kid, right? God, I thought Kyra had a baby face."

You looked up and then immediately looked back down.

Jen Beattie was standing in front of you.

"Hi." Your own voice was barely a whisper, hardly even audible over all the noise in changing room.

She leaned a bit closer to you to fully hear and you went rigid. You didn't particularly like new people in your personal space without warning. Hell, it had taken nearly a month for Kyra to be allowed close enough to hug you, let alone pinch your cheek like she did earlier.

"You're not as loud as Kyra, are you?" She asked and it was clear that she was teasing but it still made you feel nervous.

You shook your head.

"She's an angel," Caitlin said," But then again, everybody's an angel when compared to Kyra."

"I'm not that bad!"

"Yeah, sure." Caitlin's arm swung over your shoulders, giving you a little squeeze. "But this munchkin is still an angel."

You kind of wanted the ground to swallow you up. Your cheeks felt hot as the mention of your nickname and you looked bashfully.

"Munchkin?" Jen laughed," I like it."

Caitlin laughed too before steering you out of the locker room onto the pitch. You were thankful that the drills were fairly rudimentary today but still hard enough that everyone was exhausted enough to not talk.

You glanced around as you drained your bottle, skirting out of the way quickly when Kyra approached with her still full bottle, already angling it to squirt towards you.

Usually, you had Mini to protect you when something like this happened but now you had to fend for yourself, darting around the outskirts of the group so Kyra couldn't change you.

You zipped past Lia Wälti and Leah Williamson, sliding past them as Kyra tackled you to the ground. She kept you pinned to the ground with her own weight as she unscrewed the top of the bottle.

You squeezed your eyes shut in preparation but no water came.

"Leah!" Kyra complained," Get off! It was just a joke!"

"It's her first day," Williamson lectured," Don't traumatise her so early. We want to keep her for years."

"Are you okay?" Lia helped you up, patting down your shirt to get the grass scraps off it.

"I'm okay." Just like in the locker room, your voice was barely above a whisper but she didn't seem to mind, just smiling at you.

"Good. I'm glad. Kyra usually isn't that mean, sorry."

"She's not mean." You felt compelled to defend Kyra. "She's just a bit silly sometimes. She doesn't mean harm."

"It's nice that you two are such good friends," Lia said. Somehow, she managed to squish you between her and Leah as you all headed in from training for lunch.

"Mini...er...I mean Katrina, she says that Kyra's got annoying little sister energy."

"Annoying little sister energy!" Leah laughed," Oh, that's gold! I like that!" She swung her arm over your shoulders. "I like you, kiddo."

A piece of nervousness lodged in your chest came loose and disappeared as Leah talked. She didn't seem to need your input much and you were more than happy with that.

Before you knew it, you were sat at a table next to Steph with a full plate and soft conversation washing over you. You still felt nervous around the other girls but you felt more settled than when you first arrived today, most of your antsy energy replaced with good old-fashioned shyness.

"You need to get started on that Chemistry lesson," Steph reminded you as she set you up with your laptop and some snacks," And tonight, you need to remember to call Mini to tell her about your first day."

You nodded, plugging in your headphones and clicking start on the video that was set up for you. You got a decent way through your worksheet before it started numbing your brain and you rolled up the foil of your snack into a little ball and rolled it across the table to Kyra.

She frowned at first before grinning, flicking it back at you. You ducked and grabbed it off the floor to return it. Kyra caught the next shot and you threw it back with enough force that, when you headed it back, it landed in her protein shake.

You both burst out laughing, attracting stares that had you instantly quieting and looking back down at your keyboard.

"Are you being a bad influence again, Kyra?" Kim asked.

"I'm not a bad influence!" Kyra said, picking the ball of foil out of her drink and throwing it back at you.

It was still covered in protein shake so you shrieked and dived off your chair to avoid it.

"She's meant to be studying," Kim continued as you picked yourself up off the floor.

"Give her a break," Caitlin said," Surely all that schoolwork can't be good for your brain."

"That's not how it works," Kim replied.

"Let the kid have a break," Katie inserted herself into the conversation easily and you kind of envied that a little bit," She's been studying for nearly an hour now. I, for one, am pretty sure that Steph said something about making sure she socialised too."

Kim looked like she was mentally groaning but she finally relented. "Fine," She said," But you're explaining all this to Steph."

"Please," Caitlin scoffed as she beckoned you over to sit with her and Katie," She'll be delighted that this munchkin is making friends."

You face was stained red. "You can't keep calling me that," You said to her," It's embarrassing."

"Sorry," Caitlin said, not looking very sorry at all," But with Alanna and Mackenzie not here, one of us has to keep up with embarrassing you."

"Leave her alone," Steph said as she came back into the room, your saving grace.

"She's right," Katie said," We certainly can't call her munchkin, that's her Aussie nickname." She grinned teasingly. "How does pipsqueak sound?"

#woso x reader #arsenal wfc x reader #arsenal x reader #arsenal wfc #woso community #woso fanfics #woso imagine #woso

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daddyricsdoll · 5 months

Text

The guy coming home to me ✭ Carlos Sainz

Summary: Investing in a F1 team in the middle of your worldwide tour was very outrageous and threw many questions at you. But of course they didn't know that you happened to date one of the drivers in the team, until a concert in Singapore.

Warnings: None, I know it's so different of me.

Word count: 0.7k

A/N: Based off of this request.

You try to ignore all the camera’s that surround you, never getting a break whether you're picking up groceries or attending a big sports event. The voices behind the camera’s ask you questions that all revolve around the same thing– Your new sponsorship with Scuderia Ferrari F1 team.

It had come as a surprise to nearly everyone as you were halfway through your worldwide tour and decided to shake hands with a team in a sport you secretly loved. But they didn’t know that, and they also didn’t know about your months-long relationship with Carlos Sainz, one of the two drivers for the team.

The week of the Singapore Grand Prix had started and you had meticulously planned your concert in the same country and city as one of your favourite races.

So on the Thursday in which all the drivers did media work you sat in a stadium counting the hours until you could do what you love, with the person you love in the same premises. As you received free paddock passes they received concert tickets and tonight happened to be the day everything lined up.

It was a coincidence to people that glanced, but the ones that stared could have noticed it was more. Probably from the times I went to races and interacted with many people but disappeared with a specific someone or when my attention couldn’t be divided between both Ferrari drivers and stuck to one. The one with dark brunette hair and eyes that glisten the same colour. Full and plump lips that I enjoy against mine, compliment his smooth accent and delicate fingers that can show rough.

Apparently Carlos had been scrutinised about it as well, but listening to his P.R had paid off and he slid out of the situation easily. Therefore when you asked him to attend one of your concerts he accepted but with the company of a few of his fellow drivers. It was under one hour until you were to get on stage and the driver’s decided to give you a little good luck. You greeted them all with hugs, one lasting longer than others but they didn’t notice.

“You gonna do something special for us?” Lando asks jokingly.

“You gonna get a podium?” You ask in the same tone and manage to gain a chuckle from him.

You have to cut your conversations short and run off for final costume and makeup touch ups before making your way on stage. But not without Carlos sneaking his way through and wishing you a more personal good luck. He captures your lips in his and then mutter’s a few words against your skin. “Good luck Cariño, but I already know you’re gonna do great.” And in the time he leaves to get seated you stand at the back of the stage waiting for your queue.

It makes you beam at how the crowd screams when they capture your silhouette and even better when you actually emerge on stage. Through every song, you catch a glimpse of Carlos, his eyes always on you.

As it edges closer into the night you realise how fast time has gone by, in which you have reached your last song of this warm night–Karma. You put all of your last energy into this song moving from one end of the stage to the other.

As you reach the near end of the bridge you make your way to the end of the stage with your eyes stuck on Carlos’ it was more than obvious. “Karma is the guy on the tracks, coming straight home to me.” You point at him with a proud smile as red and yellow fireworks emit into the sky accompanied by the same colours of confetti and lights.

You continue singing but can’t hold back your laughter as the faces of everyone in the stadium alter, especially the drivers. They all start shouting and bunch around Carlos with wide grins on their faces, including hints of curiosity. Through the crowd you manage to catch a glance of Carlos and you couldn’t be happier with the expression he wears. His big smile as his friends jump around him and confetti covers them all. He catches your eye and mouths “te amo”, you mouth it back and let out a content sigh, happy that he is the guy coming home to you.

#carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz fluff #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz fanfic #carlos sainz #f1 #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 fic #f1 fluff #formula 1 #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 fanfic #formula one

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sluttywoozi · 6 months

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Adore You | Chapter 1 | kmg x f!reader

I'd walk through fire for you, Just let me adore you

Rating: M (18+) | WC: ~2k | Genre: rom com, fluff, smut, office au

Warnings: power imbalance bc reader is his boss but he’s the one doing the pursuing, personal assistant!mingyu, he’s such a simp, mention of food, suggestive thoughts

Reader Notes: wears a skirt and heels, boss bitch, touch starved, gets nails done, wap, referred to as a woman

Mingyu glances at his watch, noting that it’s near lunch, and shuffles around the papers on his desk wishing he didn’t have bad news to give you. The end date of the project you’re overseeing will have to be delayed again, and he knows you won’t be happy.

You won’t take it out on your team - you understand that things happen - but it means you’ll have to explain to the higher ups why you need another month and talking to them always puts you in a sour mood.

It’s likely because you and everyone else in this building knows you’re more qualified and better suited to the role than the six old men in that big conference room are, but until one of them retires or dies, you’re stuck where you are. That means Mingyu is stuck where he is too, but he truly would be happy to stay here forever.

Mingyu has been your personal assistant for six months now. He’s a bit clumsy, and he tends to order the exact same coffee as you so he has an extra just in case, and he once forgot his own strength and knocked so hard on your frosted glass door, it shattered, but he’s still good at lots of things!

He’s attentive, eager, sharp, and he can always anticipate what you need before you even ask for it. He’s a pro at taking care of you, making sure you don’t work yourself too hard and that you drink plenty of water and eat regular meals.

He does everything for you, everything but your job, and ensuring that you’re happy and content and well cared for is one of his greatest strengths.

Which is why he’s borderline devastated when he overhears you on the phone. Your voice isn’t loud from his desk, but he’s trained his ears to listen for you and listen they do. You’re not talking about him, thank God, but you are talking about the boyfriend you just broke up with.

You were dating him when Mingyu first started, and from the one and only time he met him at the office, he knew he wasn’t anywhere near good enough for you. Apparently, he even turned out to be bad for you, stressing you out and hurting your feelings and, worst of all (to you), he couldn’t make you cum.

That’s shocking to Mingyu. He’s always been a giver during sex, gaining more pleasure from making someone else feel it rather than taking it for himself, but he knows not all guys are like that. This one didn’t even try, it seems from your complaints, and he can’t believe you lived like that for all these months.

He doesn’t doubt you’ve cum in the meantime, he knows women masturbate just like men do, but hearing that you’ve been so neglected has his stomach churning.

If it were him, he’d have to loosen you up with two or three orgasms before he could even fit his cock inside you, and if you let him in without a condom, he’d obviously have to clean you up with his mouth after, guaranteeing a grand total of four minimum.

To think that you’ve been giving yourself to that man and getting nothing in return…

Mingyu doesn’t think he can let that stand.

So, he comes up with a plan.

Step 1. Show you how well he knows you.

Mingyu starts by rescheduling your non-essential lunch meeting, recognizing in your voice that you need some time to yourself, and orders your favorite from the place down the street. He’ll run out to pick it up in half an hour, leaving him just enough time to break the bad news to you. He hates that he’ll have to put even more of a damper on your day, but it’s better that you know now so you can adjust accordingly.

He rolls his chair back and stands, reaching his hands up to the ceiling in a stretch before straightening his clothes out and running a palm over his hair to ensure it’s all in place. There’s a piece that always breaks free from the pomade and drives him crazy, but he doesn’t want to use too much and look all greasy. Predictably, the lock falls against his forehead and he rolls his eyes before popping a mint into his mouth and smoothing on some lip balm.

You hung up with your friend a few minutes ago and he can’t hear you anymore, just his own footsteps on the marble as he walks the six feet to your door and knocks. You call out a low, “Come in,” and he turns the knob as gently as he can. You have a corner office on the fifteenth floor and the view is spectacular, but when he steps foot inside, all he can see is you. Your eyes are rimmed in red, your lashes are clumped together, and your lips are puffy, the smile they stretch in forced and false.

“What’s up, Mingyu?” You ask, your voice a bit scratchy and your tone overly bright.

“So… Joshua sent over the project report, and it looks like they’ll need three more weeks.”

He imbues his words with apology, finishing with his eyebrows pushed together and his lip bitten between his teeth. You heave a great sigh, your perfect posture melting as you set your elbows on the wood of your desk and drop your face into your palms.

“God, can just one thing go right today?”

He shifts on his feet, staying silent as you process what exactly needs to be done. It’s fascinating to watch the thoughts play out on your face, the frustration and urgency and finally, the acceptance.

“Okay, I’ll have to call Terry and let him know. He won’t be happy but I don’t fucking care,” you turn and stare out the window as you speak, sinking back into your chair and kicking off your heels. “They have their three weeks, and if they need to extend it again, I need to know now. Is there anything else?”

You sound so weary, like if he placed one more burden upon your shoulders, you’d collapse under the weight of it all. If Mingyu could, he’d carry all of your problems for you, hell, he’d carry you, but he can’t so he just squeezes his hands into fists behind his back, his fingers tingling with the desire to reach out to you.

“Nothing bad,” he promises. “I pushed your 1 PM meeting to tomorrow and I’m picking up your regular from Diane’s. I thought you might want a breather, I hope that’s okay.”

You usually don’t mind changes to your schedule, as long as they’re not last minute additions that keep you here later, but he still worries about doing things without your permission. Your eyes leave the window, your gaze finding him, and he does his best not to shrink under your intense stare. Until tears start to gather on your lashes, that is.

Then, he rushes to you, his hands hovering over your form, desperate to comfort you but not wanting to cross any boundaries. He speaks all at once, his words flying out so fast, they’re almost unintelligible.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I can move it back! I’ll move it back, it’ll be okay,” he soothes, petting the air around you as if that could do anything.

“No, don’t move it,” you warble, your hands coming up to cover your face. “That’s just so thoughtful of you, Mingyu. That’s exactly what I need, a breather. Can I tell you something personal?”

Mingyu rushes to nod, his eyes wide and his breath stuck in his chest as you wipe away the tears on your cheeks. You glance away from him, your lips tightening and your brows tilting in a frown, “Derek and I broke up last night. I broke up with him, at least, but it still hurts. I mean, I wasted seven months on him, and the most thoughtful thing he ever did was throw an extra beer in the fridge for me every once in a while. I don’t even like beer.”

Defeat is clear in your voice, as is some measure of self-hatred. He doesn’t know what to say, beyond being sure he shouldn’t mention what else Derek wasn’t good at. He could tell you about his own disastrous breakup last year, or how it’s actually easy to do nice things for you, or that he’d be happy to do some very nice things for you, if only you’d ask.

Instead, he says, “You deserve better,” and clenches his fists again when you just send him a sad smile and nod half-heartedly.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, likely a text letting him know your order is ready for pick up, and he wishes he had a personal assistant of his own to send out so he could stay here with you. But he doesn’t, so he looks down at you from where he stands in front of your desk, longing to bundle you up and put you in his pocket so nothing and no one can ever hurt you again.

That would be inappropriate, and impossible, and likely something you’re too independent for anyway.

“I have to go get the food, can I grab you anything while I’m out?” He asks, his voice much softer than his words.

You shake your head again, “No, thank you, Mingyu. Did you get something for yourself?”

“No, I brought my lunch today,” he smiles, canines pushing against his bottom lip.

“I should probably start doing that,” you sigh. “I bet yours is delicious, people still talk about the cake you made for Wonwoo’s birthday.”

“I could start making a lunch for you, if you want,” Mingyu offers before he can actually think about it, about how intimate and domestic it would feel, packing a lunch for you and knowing you’re eating food he made with his own two hands.

“Oh no, that’s way out of your pay grade, I couldn’t put you out like that.”

“I insist! Please let me,” he begs, clasping his hands together and bringing them up under his chin as he widens his eyes and pushes out his bottom lip. It takes less than thirty seconds for you to fold, your polite refusal defenseless against his expert pouting skills.

“Fine!” You throw your hands up. “If you really want, you can make me lunch too. But you have to stop as soon as you don’t want to do it anymore, and that’s an order.”

God, he loves your stern voice.

“Yes, ma’am,” Mingyu beams triumphantly, rocking back and forth on his heels to contain the excited energy flowing through him. He’s already brainstorming recipes in his head, taking into account your allergies and preferences, and he thinks he’ll have enough ideas to at least last him the month.

“I’ll be back in twenty with the food,” Mingyu assures you as he backs up to your door, not wanting to take his eyes off you for a single second. You return your attention to your computer but look at him just long enough to smile gently and say, “Thank you, Mingyu. You’re the best.”

That little bit of praise from you makes him float all day.

All the way through your afternoon meetings, all the way home on the subway, and all the way up to his apartment, where he immediately sits down to start a pinterest board for your daily lunches. He doesn’t even undress, just gets right to work searching for recipes and making pins of ideas he already has.

He also maybe buys new tupperware and a classy little lunchbox to bring your containers in, and pays extra to have it arrive tonight.

One can never be too prepared when it comes to seducing one’s boss.

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AN: yayyyyy so excited to post the first part of this lil mini series!! i had this idea around a year and a half ago when i started writing so it's definitely been on my mind for a while and i'm so happy i finally put it to words so i could share it with y'all! i'm just about finished writing it and i'm planning on posting once a week, so it should be fully complete by the end of november!

thank you to @petrichor-mingi for beta reading!

please please please reblog!! likes do nothing to spread my work but reblogs are a really easy way to support me! and if you add your thoughts in too i'll love you forever 💖

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sc0tters · 5 months

Text

The Bet - Mat Barzal

summary: when Mat agrees to participating in no nut November, he didn’t think you would be his biggest problem.

request: yes/no

warnings: sexual themes, p in v, fingering, minor spanking, small use of degradation.

word count: 3.49k

authors note: this was so much fun to write! Literally loved every second of this. Reader was a little bit of a shit but we love her for it.

When the boys came up with it Mat didn’t think you would care about it.

All it was meant to be was a fun way to do some team bonding, of course the team were participating in No Nut November. When Mat agreed he failed to remember that you had been in Germany working for the last three weeks and getting to use FaceTime and the sound of his voice made only got you so far.

So when you arrived back in New York with the message that he needed to see you it filled your mind with desire as your thoughts made your panties grow slick “hi Matty.” You smiled dropping your suitcase on the floor as Mat came to hug you.

The two of you were in the same apartment building and that’s how you met. Getting stuck in the elevator with a cute guy who lived on your floor meant you were going to make a friend. As the rents raised in the building making the place out of your budget, Mat offered the spare room in his place to you making you his roommate. Eventually one thing moved to another and then you ended up in his bed.

It was quick to become a reoccurring theme for the two of you and quickly your exclusively non exclusive relationship started “we can’t.” Mat sighed feeling your lips nip at the skin on his neck.

He wanted to let himself go as the hockey player missed feeling your touch, but as it was only the third of November Mat knew he had to remain strong even if it was only for a few more days “you okay?” You frowned furrowing your eyebrows as you pulled away.

The Canadian scratched his fingers on the back of his neck “boys thought it would be a good idea if we did No Nut-” Mat didn’t need to finish his words for you to let out a gasp “Mat!” You whined letting your lips form a pout.

Your body hurt as it longed for Mat’s touch, even willing to settle on his tongue or his fingers when you do badly wanted his cock “it’s just a month.” Mat reminded you as he grabbed your hands “we can make it through I promise.” He leaned forward to peck your lips.

Part of you tried to respect Mat and behave as you honestly thought that he was kidding, but as the seventh rolled around and Mat still avoided your bed, you succumbed to the truth.

However you were determined and that’s how you landed up on his couch in nothing more than his jersey “woah.” Mat felt his throat go dry as he caught you in the middle of eating a bowl of ice cream “how was practice?” You smiled dipping your spoon back into the bowl before your brought more ice cream to your lips.

Mat had a shaky walk over to you as he watched you reposition your legs so that he could see you were only wearing your panties beneath the jersey “it was um really good.” The Canadian coughed “are you sure it was hard?” A gasp left your lips as the cold melting ice cream fell onto your chin.

Your eyes sparkled as Mat’s locked with yours “I’m such a klutz.” You giggled using your finger to wipe the liquid from your chin before you wrapped your lips around it letting your tongue swirl around your digit “I’ll be in the shower!” Mat announced pressing his hands against his thighs as he got up and sped walked to his bedroom.

By the middle of the month you had looked to everything other option you had that wasn’t involving Mat. Each night the sound of your moans could be heard from your bedroom as your vibrator became your best friend. The way you’d gasp and whimper as you grew closer to your high and there was nothing Mat could do about it killed him.

So the time he was forced to spend away from you on the Islanders roadie did the remaining participants a load of good as they forgot about their partners. Yet the moment the door to the apartment opened and he was met with the sounds of your whimpers Mat was thrown right back into the bet “m-m-Mat.” You gasped as you pressed your vibrator against your clit as it brushed over the fabric of your panties.

You were in his favourite lingerie set, orange panties with a blue bra. It was a set that you surprised him in after he scored an overtime winning goal. Mat let his hand grip at your doorframe “please Mat.” You looked your eyes with him as he walked into your room not letting his eyes leave yours.

He crawled onto you bed wanting to take his mind off of the loss against the Canucks “let me make you feel good baby.” Mat pleaded wrapping his hand on yours as he guided the vibrator over your clit “let’s do this properly.” He proposed using his free hand to move your panties to the side “fucking missed you.” The Canadian kissed your lips as you moaned feeling the vibrator send shivers up your spine “missed this.” You agreed feeling the bliss bring you away like you were falling away from this all.

Your eyes screwed shut as your legs began to shake causing your heels to dig into the mattress beneath you “more.” Your hand reached down to cup Mat’s bulge in his jeans.

As your hand brushed over the fabric it caused his eyes to go wide. Within seconds Mat stopped the vibrator and set it on the mattress as he retracted himself from your bed “Mat?” You propped yourself on your elbows as you gasped watching him compose himself “I need a shower.” Mat announced running his hand over his face before he ran out of your room.

It had been another three days since that and you had decided to change your game plan “hey Mat.” You smiled as he was cooking dinner “how was your day?” He asked as you wrapped your hands around his torso.

You nuzzled your face in his neck causing him to smile “you tired pretty girl?” The pet name made your legs rub together “been thinking about you.” Mats hand clenched around the spatula as your breath fanned the shell of his ear “how big you are.” Your hand traced over his bulge as you gave it a squeeze.

As Mat remained still you continued to to try your luck “I know you want this baby.” You cooed continuing your actions as you moved your hand to slip into his boxers.

His cock throbbed in your hand “please.” Mat begged so close to accepting defeat as his eyes screwed shut.

It felt like your victory lap as you turned his head to help you kiss his lips “want me to suck you off?” Your voice was soft as you watched him nod “want to put it in your mouth.” Mat nodded watching you drop to your knees to the side of him as he turned his body to face you “please don’t tease me.” The hockey player saw how his erection stuck out as he was probably close to coming already.

When the string of saliva left your lips to coat his cock an alarm went off, most probably one for the thing in the pot that he was cooking “we can’t.” Mat was quick to shake his bad helping his wet cock back into his boxers that he protected with his shorts.

As you got up wanting to whine at him about it Mat instead pecked your lips “it’s just a few more days left baby.” He mumbled watching as you walked off to the where your bedroom was your door shut with a slam. Maybe you shouldn’t have cared that he was doing this, the cause should have warmed your heart. But instead as you had built up a reliance on Mat to help you come, you realised nobody did it better than him.

And for that and no matter how hard you tried, you simply couldn’t come.

So that was how you landed up at the teams mini party at a bar with a plan. As you complained to your friends about your predicament they reminded you of one key factor, you and Mat weren’t dating.

At the end of the day as much as you had a crush on him he wasn’t your boyfriend and you knew that there was someone on the team who did have a crush on you. That was how you ended up stood next to Pierre most of the night.

His touch was harsh but you figured if you couldn’t make Mat jealous enough for him to fuck you then you’d accept defeat. Mat was a good sport and tried to play along with it all for a bit biting his tongue whenever you’d laugh at the clearly not funny comments that Pierre made.

The Canadian was also struggling at this point in the month and you wearing his favourite dress truly didn’t help how his pants felt tonight. Mat knew you were trying to push his buttons as he’d catch your gaze every time you ran your fingers down Pierre’s arm, it was what you did for Mat.

But when he watched his teammate place on the curve of your ass the hockey player could no longer keep his mouth shut “Pierre I think Matt wanted to talk to you.” Mat lied through his teeth as he smiled like the Cheshire Cat “thanks bro.” Pierre nodding not picking up on it in the same way that you did “we can do this two ways.” Mat began the moment the older boy left you.

His eyes were already undressing you as they started at the loose collar line of your dress, Mat knew you hated wearing a bra “I take you into the bathroom or we go home and I don’t let you come even after November is over.” His warning sent shivers down your spine “what about the bet?” You stammered over your words as he laughed.

He ran his finger over the outline of your lips “I’m done playing good boy whilst you go around like this.” Mat explained leaning down to kiss the side of your lips making sure to miss where you wanted him “if you want to be fucked like a slut I’ll treat you like one too.” The irritation in his voice made you feel lightheaded as your panties grew wet “p-please Mat.”

You croaked out allowing your lips to form a pout.

It made Mat let out a laugh “maybe I should be leaving you here because it doesn’t seem you want this.” Fear went through your as your eyes widened “show me you do baby.” Mat mumbled as you took his hand and practically dragged him off to the bathrooms “look at how desperate my little baby is for my cock.” He teased as the door locked behind you both.

His hand rubbed your face as he pressed you against the counter “please Mat.” You begged puckering your lips as you tried to kiss him but as his hockey reaction times kicked in he instead dodged your attempts “maybe I should just go kiss Pierr-” Mat didn’t let you finish your sentence as his lips were forced onto yours.

You took a mere second to start kissing him back “fuck.” Your words were muffled as Mat pinched his fingers at the skin of your ass when he bunched up your dress around your hips “the way you fucking act I wouldn’t even be in here with you.” Mat grunted pressing his lips against your neck as he nipped at the skin.

The Canadian watched as your eyes fluttered as his hands cupped your breasts with the only thing between you and his hands was the fabric of your dress “but you’re too needy tonight to let me do that aren’t you?” The hockey player retracted himself from you as he was met with your silence “asked you a question.” Mat locked his hand around your jaw squeezing the skin of your chin.

A long whimper came from your lips “need you so much Mat.” You groaned trying to shift your hips towards the hockey player “but you’ve been acting like a brat.” Mat pulled you off of the counter as he spun you around. Your lips were swollen as you started at the two of you in the mirror “look at these little panties too.” The hockey player let out a dry laugh fiddling with the lace material of the white thong you wore.

He massaged the skin on your ass before he raised his hand to it slap the area “fuck!” You jumped feeling him squeeze the sore area of skin “you like that pretty girl?” Mat cooed kissing your neck as he repeated his actions “think the club wants to hear your noises baby.” The hockey player smiled as he brought his hand to cup your pussy.

It made you gasp as you pushed yourself up “god you’re soaked.” He clicked his tongue moving his fingers around the material so that he could tease your clit “please Mat.” You begged him as your body began to relax as his movements continued at the slow pace.

You whimpered feeling his fingers run down your slit before they thrusted into your cunt, his palm pressed against your clit “you’re so fucking good to me.” You croaked letting your head drop against his shoulder “I know baby.” Mat kissed your temple when your cunt clenched around his fingers.

He watched you gasp as your jaw went slack “god you don’t know how much I’ve been thinking about this pussy this month.” The Canadians words made you moan “thought about waking you up so many times during the night just by shoving my dick in to this hole.” You whined feeling his breath against your neck.

The hockey player smirked seeing how you watched the mirror “you’d like that wouldn’t you?” He asked nipping at your earlobe “waking up full of my load as it’s trapped inside of you.” Mat wasn’t usually possessive but tonight unlocked a whole new side of him “want that Mat.” You begged reaching forward to grip at the sink in an attempt to avoid how quickly your orgasm was approaching.

At that point Mat could feel his cock pressing against the fabric of his jeans “I’m gonna fuck you now.” He announced removing his hand from your panties as it caused to you whine “I’ll give you what you want in a second.” Mat rolled his eyes as he slotted his fingers into your mouth “taste yourself f’me.” Watching you swirl you tongue around his digits like it was his cock felt like you were teasing him.

It made him reach back down to your panties as he pushed them down “can’t wait to fuck you.” Your hands helped bunch your dress around your waist as you stepped out of your panties “don’t make me wait.” You begged feeling your legs ache with anticipation as the sound of him undoing his belt echoed in your ears “you’ll take it when I fucking give it to you.” Mat spat as his fingers dug into your hip.

Mat wrapped his hand around his cock pumping it a few times as he licked his lips “‘m sorry.” You apologised turning to lock eyes with him “I know you are.” The hockey player sighed bringing his cock to tease your clit “that’s why you’re gonna be a good girl and take it.” Mat ordered thrusting his cock onto your cunt as your head fell forward.

He smiled as you weren’t given any time to adjust to his cock “god you’re so tight.” The Canadian grunted as he kissed the back of your neck “you been missing this cock?” Mat asked as you moaned reaching up to pull the sleeves of your dress down so that you could pull at your nipples.

You moaned as his cock pumped into you “fuck yeah.” Your fingers tugged at your sensitive nubs “so big.” You blurted out as his fingers went to rub your clit “keep making those pretty noises for me baby.” Mat mumbled kissed your neck.

The hockey player watched in the mirror as his cock bottomed you out “don’t stop Mat.” You pleaded as you began forcing yourself back against his cock “to think I actually gave this cunt up for a month.” Mat laughed at his words as he clicked his tongue.

Your brain went foggy as not a single coherent thought formed in it “see why you tried so fucking hard.” You whimpered as he used his free hand to bring your back flat against his torso “‘m not an idiot.” You pointed out causing him to laugh “you forgetting that you went to Pierre?” Mat shot back as your teeth caught your lip as you held back a moan.

Mat tsked as his eyes caught your action “want to hear you baby.” He muttered into your ear as his hand squeezed around your throat “let him know just who is making you feel this good.” He hinted to the boy you had been stuck to your side the entire night “you jealous?” You teased with a smirk as you squeezed your hand around his causing the wrap he had go tighter.

The room felt hot as the sound of skin slapping echoed off of the walls “look at the mirror.” Mat barked making you look up at the glass causing him to look back at you “it’s my cock that’s fucking you.” He explained kissing your head “I’m the one who owns this cunt.” The hockey player spat making you moan.

You felt yourself grow close “all yours Matty.” You nodded as you let out a cry “I’m gonna come.” Tears formed in your eyes as your legs began to shake again “let it go baby.” Mat nodded giving you the green light to come.

It was hot as your cunt clenched around his cock as Mat fucked you through your orgasm “my pretty little girl.” He cooked quickly pulling himself out so that he could flip you over pushing you onto the counter “Ma-” you gasped feeling him thrust into you again.

Mat pushed his hand against the mirror above you “I’m not stopping until I come.” He explained making you moan “please.” Your voice was shaky as you felt your eyes roll back when his hand found its way back to your clit “god I’ve just given you one and now you want more?” Mat smirked as you tried to kiss him “I need you Mat.” You moaned using your energy to lock your hands behind his neck pulling him close to you.

He felt his cock throb as his movements became staggered “I’m close.” You hadn’t come down from your first orgasm and it left you close to a second “hold it.” Mat snapped quickening his movements on your clit causing your cunt to clamp around his cock.

Your throat felt raw as you whined “don’t push your luck baby.” The hockey player warned you “keep squeezing my cock like that.” As you tilted your hips to meet his it resulted in both of you moaning.

Mat kissed your lips to hold in his moan “Mat!” You huffed as your body shook “let it go baby.” He grunted as your second orgasm trigger his first of the night.

As his warm ropes shot into your cunt you tried to push him away as he slowly kept his hips moving “just making sure my come stays in you.” Mat smiled pecking your lips as he pulled out allowing you up. You reached for your panties on the floor but he was quicker “you aren’t going to need these tonight.” The hockey player explained shoving them into the pocket of his pants before he continued getting ready to go back out.

You two had gotten out of the bar unseen and as you got in the car you thought you finally had the chance to breathe “you look real fucking pretty tonight.” Mat smiled as his hand moved up your thigh “just tonight?” A smirk was quick to fall from your face as his fingers touched the lips of your cunt “Mat.” Your voice grew shaky feeling his fingers tease your slit.

The car came to a red light “just making sure you stay ready for when we get back home.” Mat smirked as he kissed your lips “no coming until we get home.” His words made you grow sick with fear as his fingers formed a scissoring motion in your cunt.

“You couldn’t have thought I’d let you get away with that behaviour all month, now could you?”

#Mat Barzal smut #Mat Barzal imagines #mat barzal oneshot #imagines #oneshots #hockey imagines #hockey imagine #nhl oneshot #nhl imagine #nhl smut #hockey smut #amber writes fics

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