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mackeydoodledoo · 5 months

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Chapter 1: A Good Impression

Pairing: Lamina x (Fem!Mentor)Reader

Summary: Besides Sejanus, you had a heart among the 24 students to act as mentors. People made fun of you for getting paired with the girl who never stopped crying. But, you were going to do whatever it took to get her home.

Warnings: TBOSAS Spoilers, Injuries, Social Anxiety, Swearing

Key: Italics = Thoughts, +*+ = Time Skip

Theme: Softcore - The Neighborhood

A/n: Welcome to my first Lamina x Reader series! Idk how long I'm going to make this series :)

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"Seven. Boy, Vipsania Sickle. Girl. Y/n Y/l/n," Dean Highbottom reads off the list

You look up to your female tribute... She huffs her shoulder upward. She was crying... You heard a few snickers. You really wanted to punch them in the face. But your heart was broken when you watched her cry.

"Looks like Y/n got the crybaby," Arachne snickers to you

You dead stare at her: she had always made remarks towards you but then look back up at the screen, catching one last glimpse of your tribute before it switches to the next district.

After the assigning ceremony, you find a spot outside of the area to just have time to think.

How am I going to make her a victor?...

"Looks like Y/n is having second thoughts about being assigned the crybaby of the tributes," Arachne says, coming up to you

"Lamina is not a crybaby," You say, looking up at her

You too never got along. But, since the both of you were in the same class, you were forced to tolerate her.

"Then, what is she to you? Don't tell me you are actually growing fond of your tribute now," She continues to belittle you

"Me? Fond of her? Please..." You say, "Unlike you, I have a heart. I'm going to make my tribute the best one out of all of you."

"I'd like to see you try, Y/l/n," Arachne stares you down

+*+

Both you and Coriolanus Snow waited at the train station. You look up at him: white rose in his hand and an anxious look on his face.

"With the stunt your tribute pulled at her reaping, she's already captured the capital's eyes," You tell him

"I just don't know how to get her to trust me," He says

Before you could offer some kind of advice that most likely wouldn't help his case in the slightest, traincars came to a hazardous stop. Both you and Snow make yourselves presentable.

As the peacekeepers forcefully grab the tributes out of the cars, both you and Snow look for your respective tributes.

Going off from your photographic memory: Lamina donned shoulder length red hair being tied back with a hair bandana.

Suddenly you see a girl with a matching description pass you by.

"L-Lamina," You anxiously call out to her

The girl stops and turns to you. Putting on your best smile, you reach into your pocket and present a small gift box.

"I-I know everything must be very frightening for you. But, i just wanted to Welcome you to the capitol," You try to keep a smile on

Despite you probably already fucked up your self-introduction.

But, Lamina doesn't answer. She doesn't even meet your gaze.

"I-uhhh," You begin to scramble your sentences, figuring out how to make her talk, "Made this myself."

You frantically tug at the ribbon, and open the lid.

"I... I never made anything of the sort in my life and. And. And-" You attempt to find the right words to even just speak

You gently take her hand, placing the shitty-made gift into her hand. She turns away from you, still not meeting your gaze.

Both you and Snow wistfully hop into the car just before any peacekeeper noticed two Academy students were in it.

An awkward silence sits upon the 24 tributes, you and Snow.

"What's the matter Capitol?" The boy from 11: Reaper asks, "You're in the wrong car."

"We should just kill them," The girl from 4: Coral suggests

Your eyes widen as the boy who was hovering around Lamina comes walking up to you. He presses his arm along your collar bones, pinning you to the back of the wall.

"Treech don't... She's my mentor," Lamina speaks for the first time

Treech's arm eases away from your collar bone. You are really going to have an interesting time...

"I reckon anything happen to them, something would happen to our loved ones back home," Lucy Gray states

"Then how come none of our mentors showed up?" Coral asks, "Why do you and the little crybaby get special treatment?"

"Because they don't know how to make a good first impression," You immediately answer, cocking a half smile, "That and... Most of them don't... Care like we do."

You werent actually sure if Snow cared about Lucy Gray. But, you knew you cared. Unlike your capitol classmates, except Sejanus, you never grew fond of the games... Having to be a mentor to a tribute who could die...

That's the real kicker to the gut.

Your eyes drift to Lamina. A slight smile appears on her face before she looks down at the floor.

The car came to an abrupt stop. You hear the sounds of the backup noise on a vehicle. All of you begin to waver from the car tilting. All of you begin to fall out of the truck, entering an exhibit.

As you begin to become aware of your surroundings, you recognize the place...

The Capitol zoo.... The hell?

A lot of the citizens on the other sidenof the cage began to murmur. You look over to see Snow absolutely terrified out of his mind.

I'll show him how it's done...

You stand onto your feet and strife towards the camera.

"Ahhh, Y/n Y/l/n," Lucky Flickerman makes his way toward you, "Now tell me, Was it required for you two to be in here with the other tributes?"

"Not exactly. For starters, they didn's tell us not to. Second, Snow and I wanted to leave a good first impression on our tributes," You say, "Let me introduce you all.. To my girl, Lamina."

You outstretched your hand and turn to look at her. She nervously stands to her feet. You walk over to her and gently grab her hand.

"I got you," You whisper, reassuring her

She nods as her hand closes around yours and follows close behind you. For once, she finally gazes up and sees the camera in her face.

"Tell us Lamina, what finally got you to stop crying once you got here?" Lucky asks

She let's go of your hand and reaches into her pocket and shows the half-assed gift you made.

"My mentor made it for me," She looks at you, "Didn't know someone like her could be talented."

"Is that so?" Lucky looks at you

"Like I said, I wanted to leave a good first impression," You smile

You conclude your small interview with Lucky and watch him walk over to Snow. You sigh in relief as you falter in the slightest.

"Do you have any food?" She asks, hiding into your chest

You reach into your skirt pockets and pull out some cookies.

"This is all I have for now," You say

As you place it into her hands, you felt an arm curl under yours and begin to pull you away.

"W-wait hold on!" You tell the peacekeeper

"Please...." Lamina sighs into your arm

She looks up at you, "Handful of us haven't eaten since our reaping..."

"I'll do what I can," You answer

Lamina let's go of your arm as she watches you get dragged out of the cage.

+*+

"Sejanus, got a second?" You ask him

He gets up from the table and you pull him aside.

"I need you to do me a favor," You say

"Yeah, of course," He says

You and Sejanus were close, not as close as he is with Corio. But, since the both of you share the dislike of the hunger games, was how you two grew close. You pull out a few sandwiches and other snacks.

"I need you to bring these to Lamina," You say

"Why don't you?" He asks

"I have a different idea," You say, "But this should tide her over for now."

He nods as he places them in his backpack.

"Done," He says

"You're the best," You smile, patting him on the shoulder

You hastily walk into the kitchen.

"Y/n honey?" Your mother looks up from her work, "Shouldn't you be at lunch right now?"

Your family were cooks for the academy. Not the most glamorous job in the capitol since the dark days, but it got your family around since. Your family taught you, so the academy allowed you to enter the kitchen at anytime you want.

"Kindof, but I want to cook a meal for my tribute," You say, "Enough to last her until the games."

"I know the perfect meal," Your mother goes into the recipie archive

+*+

You take a step back from your creation. Your mom giving you a congratulatory pat on the back.

"I'll wrap it up for you," Your mom tells you

"Thanks mom," You say, continuing to gaze at your masterpiece

+*+

"Psst, Lamina," You quietly call her

The redhead sits up and rubs her eyes. But seemed to fully awaken once she realized it was you.

"Y/n," Lamina sighs, slightly smiling, "Wait how did you get in here?"

"Perks of having a decent amount of money to keep us on our feet," You say, "But enough of that, I brought you something."

You place your backpack down and carefully take out a wrapped meal.

"Y/n," She sighs

Before you even handed her your personal cooked meal, you noticed in her eyes of how shaken up she was.

"Hey, what happened?" You asked

"The girl from 10... She killed her mentor, in which the peacekeepers shot her..." She explains

"Holy shit...." You mutter

You saw that she could smell the food. As you hand it to her, she nearly tears right into the wrapping.

"It's enough to last you until the games," You say

*Lamina's POV* The smell of the food overwhelmed you. You look up at her, waiting for her. But, she nods. You immediately indulge yourself into the meal.

"Oh my- how did you?-"

"Perks of having cooks for parents," Y/n says, "They teach you everything you need to know about cooking."

"Ahh, that must really be nice," You say, "Back home my parents really just taught me how to chop wood for our essential use while they were working at our log factories."

"Do you... Have siblings back home?" She asks

"Got a younger brother," You answer, "But, he's a mere baby. He won't remember me when I die."

"Hey," She coos, reaching out for your hand, "Don't say that. He deserves to have an older sister to look up to."

"I can't guarantee that I'm going to win," You look down at your joined hands

"I'm going to get you home," She says, "I have to go but... Eat up."

She gives your hand a gentle, but firm squeeze as she stands. She takes one last look at you before she makes her leave.

*Y/n's POV* You honestly didn't really want to leave her. You would stay at her side all night if you could. But, you didn't want to upset your family as to why you hadn't returned home.

+*+

You walk into class the next morning...

"You and Snow made quite the impression on the viewers yesterday Y/l/n," Dean Highbottom says

"I only wanted to leave a good impression on my tribute," You say

"I wouldn't recommend getting too close," He suggests

"Trust me Dean, I won't," You say, taking a seat at your usual spot in the class

"I find that hard to believe," He says, "I'm very fond of you, because of your hard work Y/l/n. I only wish you the best."

Though you only try your best to be in the good graces of people. Though that often makes you a pushover to a lot of the capitol students who want to make it to the top. It was like you unintentionally try, and somehow you do the best.

+*+

A peacekeeper shackles Lamina's wrists to the table.

"You all have thirty minutes to discuss strategy for the interviews," Highbottom announces, "You may begin."

You sit down, Lamina doesn't look at you.

"Frankly it's so unnecessary to be shackling all of you like this," You say, "How are you holding up?"

Her lip begins to quiver...

Oh boy...

Immediately she brings her hands up to her face and begin to silently cry to herself.

"Hey," You coo to her

You gently grasp her shackled hands, and slowly bring them down onto the table.

"Lamina, look at me," You calmly tell her

*Lamina's POV* Trying to pull yourself together, and slowly raise your head to look at Y/n. Suddenly, you felt no fear... You no longer felt like crying. You nearly twitch back when you saw Y/n's hand being to rise towards your cheek.

"Sorry," She says, nearly drawing her hand back

However, still feeling calm in her presence, you allow her to gently wipe your face from any tears.

*Y/n's POV* "These interviews are important for you all," You begin to explain, "This will help you get donations from sponsors for the games. However, it'll help me too so that I can send you items that you may need while you're in the arena..."

Lamina begins to cry again...

"Hey hey shhhhh," You calm her, "Do you remember what you told me last night?"

She nods.

"We need to get people to empathize with you, make them feel like they can relate to you," You suggest

"You want them to pity me?" She asks, "Hell no..."

"Lamina," You sigh, clasping your hands over hers, "I don't care about winning for me. I care about winning for you. Winning for you would mean that you'd survive in that arena and you'd get to go home."

"I still don't want them to pity me," Lamina sighs

"Not pity, empathize with you," You say, "Make them feel like they are able to connect with you."

Your fingers brush against her cheek, brushing hair away from her head.

"I'll... I'll try," Lamina says

"Atta girl," You smile

"Time's up," Highbottom says

The peacekeepers begin to forcefully take the tributes back.

"H-hey! Easy with her!" You try to tell the peacekeepers handling her

You were about to reach up to them to escort her back yourself. However, Highbottom grabs your arm and shakes his head.

+*+

You decided to pay Lamina another visit.

"Hey Lamina," You whisper

She turns over; her face lighting up.

"How are you holding up?" You ask, "Those peacekeepers earlier were really man-handling you guys... I was about to sock one in the jaw and escort you back myself..."

"You're too kind," She smiles

"I only want to leave you with a good impression of me," You sigh

"You've already done that," She confesses

"Really? Since when?" You ask

"Since the day you were at the train station," She says

"Now you're too kind," You chuckle, "You know... Even though they taught us to think lowly of the districts, and that you all were monsters. But, getting to know you... It taught me that the capitol was wrong... You.. Proved them wrong."

Lamina doesn't answer you. It caused you to look at her, worrying that you said something wrong.

"I-uhh," You immediately bolt to your feet, "I have to go but- but I'll see you tomorrow for the tour of the arena."

You reluctantly turn your back to her and begin making your way to the entrance, where your mother awaited for your return.

+*+

You meet with Lamina for the tour of the arena. Lamina clung to your arm. From the corner of your eye, a peacekeeper was about to pull Lamina away from you.

"It's fine," You tell them, not allowing them to touch her

Enjoy the Show

Lamina jumps at the saying once the both of you pass the turnstile gate.

"Hey, camera on Coral," Festus Creed gets the camera crew to focus on her

You roll your eyes.

Try-hard...

The lights illuminate the concrete arena. To think people would actually sit in the arena and watch children murder each other was an outrageous concept to you.

"Mentors and Tributes, you have one hour to walk around the Arena and devise a strategy," An announcement echoes

Chapter 2

#lamina #lamina tbosas #lamina x reader #female reader #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #the hunger games #district 7

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lavenderdreams205 · 1 month

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spn thoughts as requested

tw & spoiler warning

they should have kept the grungy filter and aesthetics from the early seasons

bring back the southern / midwest gothic vibes

dean would've listened to and loved 90's & 2000s grunge - I know that the whole "there's no good music past '79" is a key part of his personality but pre series/early seasons dean is soo nirvana / Weezer / smashing pumpkins coded

there is too much flannel in the later seasons - I miss the carhartt and leather jackets so bad

BRING BACK DEANS JEWELRY

there's so much about cas that we don't know. there's all the episodes where he just isn't there and they never tell the viewers what he's doing or where he went

on the same note, cas's personality isn't nearly as flushed out as sam's or dean's are. who is his favorite musician? what's his favorite place to travel to? why does he like the pimpmobile so much? does he actually like the trench coat or does he wear it just because it's there?

so many people characterize cas as a little guy, and while he is cute, it's important to remember that he's also an incredibly powerful eldritch horror who leads angelic armies and brands Michaels vessel just because

dean is bisexual and in love with cas - I won't take the time to list all of the reasons here, but you can definitely find those reasons somewhere

i would've loved for them to use the handprint as a physical manifestation of their bond instead of having it be just a scar that fades with time

i'm actually really ok with the way cas dies, I think it makes sense for his character and provides closure (for him, at least, not for dean)

the parallels of cas and dean meeting in a barn and then dean dying in a barn

cassie is deans first love, cas is his last

the imagery of the empty as cas's wings in 15x18

why do the subtitles spell cas as cass, its awful

there's a few lines in the early seasons that seemingly reference dean getting roofied / sa'd and are subsequently played for laughs, Jensen Ackles confirmed that dean would've done underage sw when John didn't leave them with enough money. I believe that this trauma is a major reason that dean never accepted his sexuality

the way deans alcoholism is overlooked and joked about is actually insane

having dean be completely ok after 15x18 is also insane, especially after the widower arc where the show specifically shows it's viewers how deeply dean grieves cas when he dies

deans death is literally so stupid. I get that the show is trying to make a really meta point about the characters not having plot armor anymore because chuck is gone, but dean deserved to find peace. if the events of the show had never happened and pre series dean had never gotten pre series Sam back into hunting it would've ended the exact same way - dean dead on a hunt and Sam dying from old age

dean spends as much time on earth as he did in hell, and while he would never be the same, I like to believe that if he had been allowed by the narrative to live longer he would've gotten back a little of the twinkle in his eyes that he had before hell

in 15x20 Bobby says that cas helped rebuild heaven but if he was there he would've gone to see dean. additionally, there's no way cas should have been able to escape the empty. this is such a glaringly obvious plot hole and it drives me nuts

I would've liked to see cas's wings in the show - not just the shadow of them

the only time I tolerate serious discussion of wincest is in the context of ethel cain

i am a Sam disliker - while he does have many positive qualities, I have a really hard time getting past him not looking for dean when he was in purgatory and him joking about deans alcoholism and other traumas

i like Sam the best when he's with Eileen, I think they're adorable together and I'm mad they killed her off

I am a chronic jack defender, that boy has done nothing wrong

it would be interesting to explore cas and jacks relationships with their respective genders

there's no way being forced to murder the dean clones didn't affect cas, we only saw him kill the last one but the first few he had to kill had to have been devastating

i'm really disappointed by 14x13 Lebanon, we get the scene with John and Sam but I would argue that dean has significantly more reasons to be upset with John and it's unfortunate that the episode just glossed over this - I believe a screaming match between the two would have cleared the air a bit and been at the very least cathartic for dean

i'm fairly sure that it's canonical that John sent dean away on his 17th birthday to kill lesbian ghosts. my personal hc is that John suspected that dean was bi and sent him to teach him a lesson

i saw a post on here comparing hunting culture to biker and cowboy culture and viewing those things through a queer lens and I thought it was fascinating - there's so much spn could've done if it cared about the show more than money and losing viewers

every time cas and dean beat the shit out of each other, it serves as further proof of their relationship rather than discrediting their relationship - ie demon dean and cas fighting in the library is used to parallel Cain and Collette. it could even be assumed that their love is stronger because Cain killed Collette but dean left cas alive

The purgatory love triangle was so silly

once dean worked through all of his trauma and toxic masculinity he would've been a swiftie

all of the main characters have old / vintage cars but in like season 13/14 dean sam and cas just collectively own and use this really ugly silver truck from the 2010s. its such a small detail but it absolutely ruins my viewing experience every time I see it

dean is actually really smart but most of the fandom overlooks it because Sam is characterized as the smart one. if you know anything about cars you know it takes an insane amount of brains to build a car from scratch (he did this with baby multiple times throughout the show) also he just makes an emf meter using basically nothing. if dean had been given the same opportunities he gave Sam, he would've been an engineer or something

i will always be a John hater, if this man has 0 haters, I am dead

#spn #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #destiel #ethel cain #grunge aesthetic

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softedwin · 25 days

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if spn, but especially destiel (and/or cas and/or dean) ever meant anything to you, please for the love of god go watch dead boy detectives. it is everything that spn never gave us and so much more and so much better and so much gayer

(spoiler: they actually go to hell to save the gay repressed twink and he gets to confess his love to his best mate!!)

#dead boy detectives #dbd #spn #destiel #chedwin #im roping in the spn folks idc #it is literally like spn except the women and queer people live and survive #and just generally so much better writing #but you can tell that people who worked on spn are also working on this show and its such a massive fuck you to spn and what they did with #cas #and destiel #it makes my heart so happy #but more people need to watch it so it gets renewed!!#vany talks

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starplusfourletters · 4 months

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I read vision of the future (hand of thrawn book 2 aka Who Scams the Scammers)

(spoilers) and once again it turned into a liveblog, apologies

Hold up are we doing Warrior Cats? Is this Warrior Cats Planet??

What base is “arm around your waist to serve as a psychic translator conduit”

Omigod I WISH my Warrior Cat name were “Jaded of Mara”

Everything I know about Soontir Fel I learned from x wing but I would not have guessed his primary motivation to be "dirt"

@ luke and mara: the girls are talkingggggg

North Barris Spaceport has me twitching

Ghent not remembering who the president is and just assuming it’s probably Leia. I mean fair

What base is "holding hands to brace yourselves over a swarm of flesh eating insects"

So we’re finally asking why Mara ISN’T actually dark side and the answer is… shrug emoji?

Man Zahn really is stuck on “character bonding hike” as a device huh. But consider I eat that shit up

Oh No Lando is racist

LMAO at “so oblivious you need a child pterodactyl to tell you to just kiss already” to “besides I don’t want my life to be like spiderman three I hated that movie” to “kissing with dubious consent” ALL ON THE SAME PAGE like Zahn finally realized he really needed to get this show on the road

LMAO at Ghent getting a free pass from Pellaeon to hack the empire. Like you’re just going to get the thing you need and not steal all of our military and political secrets right? Riiiight? Even more LMAO at the fact that that would probably not even occur to Ghent

When everyone assumes they're the protagonist so finding this one macguffin is their job personally. Like guys I like the energy but maybe we've got enough different plans to do the same thing (the exception, hilariously, being Luke) (and Oh No it turns out Luke is the one to find the macguffin because You Have to Follow Your Heart and Let the MacGuffin Come to You. I eat that shit up also)

Mara’s just... So great.

Not to make everything about my blorbo but absolutely to make everything about my blorbo I do wonder to what extent Ahsoka’s characterization post-Rebels doesn’t click for me is because a lot of the more obvious directions for Oldsoka overlap with Mara, and the powers that be didn’t want to reinvent the Mara Jade wheel. Not to say they have similar characterization – Mara has terminal sam coded dean girl syndrome – but idk, in dynamic range maybe? Calling out bullshit, weaponizing her own abrasiveness, covering insecurity with humor, being Kind of a Lot with a side of trust issues at any given moment – there are modes Mara and Youngsoka share that didn’t pass to Oldsoka apparently. Idk possibly all this is just me wanting them to TALK

Establishing that you can do evil things for selfless reasons without necessarily being in any danger of falling to the dark side is... Philosophically interesting

We interrupt this tale of political espionage to bring you Jedi Relationship Counseling (spoiler alert: communication is key)

"That part of her life [Mara’s time with Palpatine] had died unmourned" I mean mourned a little bit. Mourned for at least a book and a half

I've been willing to suspend my disbelief on everything in this book until "both Luke and Mara forget that ysalamiri exist"

I will never not be a sucker for The Movements and Transferred Ownership of Emotionally Significant Weapons

Oh No thrawn made a second foundation

The Aing-Tii seem OP but whatever

Oh No the second foundation forgot to close the garage doors

(Re: The Jade’s Fire) I know Mara’s having a Moment, and I promise I’m taking it seriously, but when the warrior cat asked “What is it you want, Mara Jade” my WHOLE BRAIN responded with "I want Hermione Granger! And a rocket ship!"

Moranda has real Kevin from home alone energy and I'm living for it

Is it bad that I’m actually kinda happy the Imperials’ Bothawui shield plan worked? Like, they had a really interesting plan and I’m happy for them. They earned it

WAIT IS MORANDA DEAD FR?

What base is “full mind meld while you’re fighting for your lives”

Who would win: ~1.5 Jedi, 2 sentinel droids droidekas, or Artoo with a sauntering gun

If I had a nickel for every time this duology explicitly established Jedi can’t go completely without oxygen, even when in a trance, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but which makes me feel like the Ahsoka show had a weirdly specific axe to grind with the source material

Luke’s proposal to Mara is Just. The. Funniest. Thing. That’s some Anakin-level cringe and the prequels aren’t even out yet. He truly is his father’s son.

I mean POV there’s this guy and for a couple years you want to kill him, and then you realize that’s more of a You Problem, so then you’re friendquaitances for a decade mostly because you don’t approve of the shit he’s getting into, and then you have one (1) honest conversation and get caught in a death trap and he’s like “so I think the next step for us is marriage”

LEIAAAAAA! Full Jedi Knight Leia is both terrifying and hot. I would run.

“So it is treason” – Some random guy

Lando needs to be on the New Republic payroll simply for being willing to speak to any of the other characters and also he needs a raise. This poor guy getting called on to command the entire New Republic fleet mid-battle and he’s like “I’ve been a civilian for 15 years and also I knew you would pull some horse piss like this steve”

Mara Jade, Imperial protege. Skills include: Identifying load-bearing walls. (Now all I want is Property Brothers: Sith Edition)

Mara please. Luke please. These absolute idiots. This is some pear scene shit. I hope nothing bad happens to them ever

The whole back half of this book has been an emotional rollercoaster for me specifically because I wanted Flim to be Thrawn FR soooooo baddddd. And now I’m sad. His name literally means scam don’t do this to me Zahn

I’ve been amused by all the Star Wars universe idioms but I gotta take a moment to specifically showcase “burned your sky-arches.” Karrde is a delight to have in class

Having an independent intelligence agency that’s supposed to work for both the New Republic and the Empire seems absolutely unhinged but go off I guess

When the New Republic and Empire sign peace accords and Luke can’t even be bothered to show up

Mara is great and her arc is fuckin hilarious to me. The narrative has identified her as The Damaged One and I’m like???? She came to terms with her troubled past, drew her own boundaries regarding the Dark Side, recognized that there are people who care about her instead of pre-emptively pushing them away, and resolved to form deeper emotional connections. Smash cut to ROTS Anakin whose physical and psychic damage has literally turned his brain into oatmeal

Again I know this was before the prequels Mad points for explicitly saying Mara needed to form attachments to become a Jedi. Zahn being pretty gangsta there

OH NO THEMB

#long post #hand of thrawn #vision of the future #star wars legends #mara jade #ghent #timothy zahn #ahsoka tano #because ahsoka just sneaks into all my mental processes sorry

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tidbit-fanfic · 1 month

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A/N: Finally finished this based off of a dream I had once upon a time. As always I do not own any named characters in this, except for the “reader”. Set in season 11, although Reader and Dean’s relationship has been well established before that.

TW: no HEA, cannon level violence, swearing/language, kinda OOC!Dean, unhealthy coping mechanisms, implied smut (not explicit), blood (mentioned), spoilers for season 11, one use of y/n

I met the Winchesters after my college roommate passed away under unnatural circumstances. To make a long story short, a demon had decided that a college campus was the best place to set up shop, and nearly half of my dorm was harmed in the process. I did my best to help, despite having very little knowledge of such creatures, but I was willing to help. From that point on, I became a powerful ally to the brothers, and a formidable foe to the supernatural.

After Bobby’s death I stepped up full-time, becoming their go-to researcher for anything they were facing. Life was going fine, helping with research the best I could, working in the background against the Leviathan.

Time blurred together, from helping the boys with the trials,fighting Metatron alongside Castiel, and along the way, something bloomed in between me and the eldest Winchester. What started as friendly teasing and taunting, morphed into actual flirting and soon enough, physical touch was involved. We were great, always backing the other when needed, even when the Mark of Cain became a third wheel in our relationship. Throughout it all, I stood beside him, forever and always.

I waited for the boys at the hospital, standing on the steps as they helped Jenna out of the Impala. After helping them get her into a wheelchair, I checked them over, finding that there was no visible damage done to the brothers; the sheriff, however, was holding onto her side, her shirt covered in fresh blood. She tensed upon seeing me, her free hand inching toward her gun. I held my hands up in a defensive manner, intending to show no harm.“Normally, I’m the one grabbing the gun when approached.”

“Show us your neck.”

I furrow my brows, looking from her to the boys. Dean nods, and I reach down, pulling the collar of the turtle neck down. “Satisfied? Or do I need to conjure up a hickey or two?”

Jenna relaxed, trying to look past me into the hospital. Dean grabbed my arm, dragging me just out of earshot of the other two. “I thought I told you not to worry about it.”

“Right, right, because that’s what you would do.”

“No, it’s just,” he ran his hand through his hair, huffing out air. “You know how I feel about you searching for trouble.”

I snorted. “Honey, you’re all the trouble I need. But, I get it. My big, scary boyfriend is worried about me. Even though he knows how I can handle myself perfectly fine.”

Dean opened his mouth, just as Sam interrupted. “What’s the state of the hospital? Where is everyone?”

“Dead. No pulse whatsoever.” Sam’s eyes took on a saddened glaze. I cocked my head towards the door, searching for an exit from the conversation. “Let’s get Sheriff Callie fixed-up then, shall we?”

All of us cautiously made our way into the hospital, wary of the chance of a rabid attacking at any point. The halls seemed way too quiet, the sounds of our beating hearts the only noise our ears intercepted. When we reached the exam room, Sam dismissed himself, searching for antibiotics for Jenna. Meanwhile, I stood to the side as Dean stitched the sheriff’s wound closed, watching the meticulous way he tended to her. Dean finished with his work, helping her down from the table, turning to me after. I crossed my arms, watching as he unrolled his sleeves. I looked to the sheriff, nodding to the room behind me. “There’s a comfortable chair in there, you should probably take a little break.”

“I’m fine.”

“You lost a lot of blood, I’m guessing?” I raised a brow as she looked away. “There’s some juice in the mini fridge and a couple granola bars in the lower drawer. Eat up, we don't need you passing out on us.”

She sighed, following my instructions and shuffled into the office. I shut the door behind her, regaining my composure before turning back to Dean. He busied himself with cleaning the area, avoiding eye contact with me.

“Are we going to talk about it?”

“About what?”

“You know what.” I huffed, hoisting myself up onto the table next to him. “About you running away, and then suddenly there’s a code red in the area you distinctly were in? Oh, and how about the fact that you told your brother to take care of me? The girl you are in a relationship with?”

“Are we going to address you going against my specific orders to stay put?”

“God damnit, I was worried about you! You went to get yourself killed and didn’t even think to tell me goodbye in person!” I slammed my hand down onto the table, leaning into his face. “I swear sometimes I don’t recognize you anymore. Mark or not.”

He glared at me, irritated with the invasion of his personal space. “Maybe that’s because I’m not who I was.”

“Yeah, go figure.”

“No, you don’t get it. The Mark—”

“Fuck the Mark. You’re Dean Winchester. The Dean Winchester. Even Hell trembles in the mention of your name. A stupid ass curse is the last thing I would expect to break you down.”

His jaw ticks as he looks to the ceiling, probably sending off a prayer to Cas for some sort of strength, to deal with me. “I am not the person I was before.”

“No, you're not. And you know what? That’s fine. We’ve been through worse than a fucking personality change. Shit, I ran from a demon you with a goddamn hammer in your hand. I’m sure if that didn’t turn me off from you, then nothing can.” I pushed the bag to the side, sliding over so I was in front of him. I reached my hand out, cupping his face as I looked deep into those emerald green eyes. “I’m in this till the end, you hear me? Forever and always.”

“Forever and always.” He sighs, pushing his face into my palm, before pulling me into an embrace. I wrap my arms around him, breathing in the scent that is so distinctly Dean, when Sam enters with a man holding a child. I pull away, eying the new editions to the room.

“Sorry for interrupting, but we have company. I found them hiding from one of the infected.” Sam rushes out, nodding to the father.

Jenna opens the door, joining us again, looking much better with the nutrients in her system. A look of recognition crossing her features. “Mike? Where’s…”

“She’s gone.” The father, Mike, looked down to the child, an expression of grief taking over his features. I slide off the table, pushing Dean back, crossing to him. The sheriff joins us, murmuring her condolences to Mike, who rocks his baby slightly. I step back, allowing the friends space as I check in with the brothers. Sam nods towards the father, the black veins creeping from the man's neck. Dean clears his throat, returning our attention. “We need to kill him.”

“No, we don’t.” Sam states, exasperated with his blood.

“What are our other options then, because I don’t see many.”

“There has to be some other way,” I reason, “he has a newborn, we shouldn’t even consider that.”

Sam backs me. “That’s true. This infection seems to have a time frame, the rabid in the hall, just died after some time. Maybe we have to wait it out.”

“Wait it out so he can attack us like the rest of us? No Sam, I can't let that happen.”

I turn back to our company, not wanting to continue with this argument.

Noticing the child fussing, I walk over, directly to the father. “May I?”

He nods, handing me the baby and I look down at her, cooing and rocking her in an attempt to calm her. Mike watches closely, ensuring his child's safety, and an ache rises in my chest at the action. Sam joins us, ignoring the child held in my arms. “We have a plan.”

“You have a plan, my plan was to kill him.”

“Dean.” I shoot him a glare, reminding him he is in the presence of the very person he wants to kill. He throws his hands up as Mike chimes in.

“No, he’s right, it’s only a matter of time before I attack you all. I’ll leave, distance myself from you and wait out the time period.”

“What? No. What is she going to do without you, her father?” I hold her tighter to my chest, the ache returning.

“Jenna? Will you take care of her for me? I’ll go wait out the infection and…” He rubs the baby's head, turning to the sheriff. Jenna nods, and holds her arms out for the child. I transfer the child to her arms, going to tuck myself into Dean’s side, his arm looping around my waist.

“What’s the plan?”

We were stopped at a gas station, Dean calling Sam while Jenna took Amara in to change her. I sat in the backseat, the door open as Dean stood nearby, Sam on speaker. “Everything is going fine here. Really.”

“Are you sure, because we can come back in a heartbeat.”

“No, you guys make sure Jenna and the baby make it to her grandmother’s, don’t worry about me, I can handle myself.”

Dean hands me the phone as he heads inside, leaving me with Sam. “You’re one hundred percent sure that you don’t need us?’

A sigh echoes from the other end. “Honestly, no. I caught it, the infection.”

“Sam.” My throat swells. “We’re coming back, right after—”

“No! Just, don’t tell Dean.”

“Fine. I’m not going to lie to him though. And Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“You better use that big brain of yours to find a cure, I’m not looking forward to Dean trying to sell his soul again.”

“Promise me you’ll stop him from doing anything stupid. No matter the outcome.”

“You know I can’t promise that.”

“Promise.”

I sigh, closing my eyes as the worry begins to creep in. “I promise.”

“Good. Now get Jenna to her grandmother’s, and I’ll see you both later.”

“Right. Bye Sammy.”

He hangs up just as Dean returns, leaning against Baby. “Did he say anything to you?”

I shook my head, picking at my nails. “Nothing he didn’t tell you.”

He scrubs his hand in his hair, looking up to the sky. “I hate leaving him behind in a hotspot.”

“I know you do, but this was his idea, he wouldn’t have said anything if he wasn’t confident in his abilities.”

“You’re right, but I still can’t not worry about him.”

I stood up in front of him, tucking my hands into the pockets of his jacket. “I didn’t want to leave him either, but we have to respect his decisions. Right?”

He lets out a sigh, his hands slipping into the back pockets of my jeans as our foreheads meet. “You’re right. I still hate it though.”

“That’s fair. For now, we need to get those two to somewhere safe, then we can speed back to him, okay?”

He lets out a sound of affirmation before pulling away from me, just as Jenna returns. We all climb back into Baby, heading off to the safe house.

“Do you think they’ll be fine?”

Dean’s eyes flicker over to me, returning to the road before answering. “I think so. Might be hard to explain a few years down the road, but that’s not our problem.”

I nod, watching the fields pass the window as we make out way back to the hospital. Suddenly, Dean’s cell rings, flashing Jenna’s name across the caller ID. He answers it as usual, muttering some responses before whipping the Impala around. “Change of plans sweetheart, we’ve got some other things to attend to.”

We get out at Jenna’s grandmother’s, meeting her at the end of the driveway. “I’m sorry for calling, it’s just, this is crazy. Also, I apologize ahead of time, my grandmother’s a big religious person.”

We enter the house, coming face first with the king of hell dressed as a priest. “Crowley?”

“Hello dears. About time you joined us.”

“So what the hell is happening here, Father?”

“Well, the same thing you were called for apparently, I have some connections, so when an exorcism is called in, I get called in.” Crowley shrugs, as if this isn’t the biggest news.

“Still doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

“I was called in about some sort of demon possession. But, whatever thing is in there, it isn’t mine…it’s darker, more powerful.”

“What do you think it is?”

“If I knew, I would have told you wouldn’t I?” He scoffs, watching as I turn back to the house, going to approach it, before a scream rips through the air. I whip my head to the two of them, eyes widening before we all rush inside, guns drawn.

Inside, we find the grandmother lying in a pool of her own blood, Jenna nowhere to be found. I shoot a glare at Crowley, who stands to the side, thoroughly unimpressed. The two go upstairs,checking the rest of the house while leaving me with the corpse. “Sorry grandma, but we have to figure this out.”

I check the first floor, finding a sheet, which I lay over her body, out of pure respect. A smash sounds from the second floor, and soon enough Dean comes rushing down the stairs. “They're gone.”

A few weeks later, I stand at the end of a table, looking in disbelief at the brothers. “Cas is Lucifer, Sam died again, but not really, so you overdosed in hopes of saving him?”

Sam flinches, avoiding looking at me, while Dean shrugs. “I did what I needed to.”

“By killing yourself?! What if it didn’t work?! What if you actually died? Did you forget you have a vengeful reaper dying to sink her teeth into you?!”

Dean shrugs, continuing to sip at his beer.

“And he shrugs. What the fuck has gotten into you? Ever since the church case you've been acting like a total ass.”

Sam looks at his brother, then to me, before excusing himself from the room. I sit in the spot he left, directly across from Dean. “What’s wrong? You’ve been distant since this whole Amara thing began. Is it something with her? Cas?”

He scoffs, peeling at the label on the bottle in front of him, avoiding eye contact. I grab the bottle, reaching for his hand. He pulls it away, glaring at me. “Maybe it’s you.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Maybe it’s you. Maybe you're the issue.”

“Me? How the hell am I the issue? I haven't seen you since dropping off Amara and Jenna. You’re acting like a total ass to me, and yet I’m the problem?”

He stands up, his palms pressing flat to the table, turning to leave for his room.

“Fine, how do I fix this?”

“You don’t.”

“Huh?”

“You don’t fix it.”

“Whatever it is we can fix—”

“We cannot fix anything. There’s nothing to fix between us, not anymore.” He pushes off the table, running a hand through his hair.

My voice begins to tremble, a lump forming in my throat. “What? What do you mean there’s nothing? We’re—”

“There is no we anymore!” He whirls around towards me, a look of pure annoyance painted over his features.

“I’m sorry, but it sounds like you’re trying to break up with me? Which can’t be true.” I stand up, the chair screeching against the floor in my urgency. “Unless it is.”

“It is.”

“No, it’s not.”

“I kissed her. And I liked it. She’s been on my mind anytime I’m with you. Shit, I had to force Sam to promise he wouldn’t tell you. But us? This is done.”

“Wait, who are we talking about? There’s another girl?!” I shouted, tears forming in my eyes.

“Amara.”

“The baby?! The fucking one-month old?! You’re leaving me for her?!”

“Yes!”

“This is why you've been distant. God I’m so stupid. Forever and always my ass.” I wrap my arms around myself. “You know what, fuck this.”

Dean stood there, his back turned to me. I reached up, snapping the chain that once laid delicately around my neck. The silver pendant dangled gently from the ruined piece. I threw it on the table. “Fuck you. And fuck your girl toy. Don’t you dare come asking for my forgiveness when she destroys everything you love. If you are even capable of that.”

I pivoted, heading to my room, locking the door behind me, not bothering to glance at him again. I rip the photos of us off the wall, tossing them in the trash bin. I hesitate with the first one, the one Sam took of us leaning into one another, passed out in the front seat of Baby. The day we first said the words. A single tear landed on it as I pulled my lighter out of my pocket, lighting the corner on fire before dropping it into the bin with the rest.

I hauled my bag over my shoulder, walking into the garage where my 1977 Chevy Camaro sat, unused since I began running with the brothers. Specifically since Dean. I threw my bag in the backseat, starting the engine and leaving behind what once was my home. Where my heart could no longer stay.

Sam’s call lit up the darkened hotel room for the fifth time tonight. Not to mention Cas’s numerous calls and voicemails sitting in the inbox waiting to be opened. Yet not a single one from him. I turned my phone over, standing on shaky legs as I made my way to the en suite. I flicked on the fluorescent light, coming face to face with a ghastly image. My eyes were rimmed in red, the deep purple bags making the red so much brighter. Tear stains lined my cheeks, my hair thrown up in a knot, curled in on itself in a mirror image of my stomach. And the irises that one shone bright with life, were fogged over, dull. Dean’s ring sat on the ledge of the sink, mocking me. The ring he gave me that first hunt they went on without me. The promise echoing in my ears.

“Wear this. It’s my guarantee to return to you, always.”

“For forever.”

“For forever and always.” His lips brushed my forehead, settling the ring on my forefinger, it wouldn't fit on the rest. “Forever and always, princess.”

He returned from that hunt with a nasty cut on his cheek, and a funny limp in his right leg, but he returned. And he always did from that point on, forever.

“Fuck forever and always.”

I wake up with hair in my mouth, a raging headache thriving between my ears. I groan, moving to sit up, but held back by a heavily muscled arm around my waist. I look over my shoulder, coming face to face with a dark haired man. His deep breaths indicate he’s still sleeping, and the sticky feeling between my thighs reveals exactly what happened after the alcohol hit my system. My phone buzzes on the nightstand beside me, an unknown number calling me. I pick it up, grumbling choice words as I answer.“Who the hell is this?”

“Hello darling. Didya have a nice night?”

“Crowley,” I throw the stranger’s arm off me, getting out of bed and search for my clothes. “to what do I owe the honor?”

“Your man and his sibling have called me in, we have a lead on how to get rid of Amara.”

“No.”

“I know you and him had a fallout, darling, we can’t do this on our own. So I suggest you get your freshly screwed buttocks to the bunker, asap.” The dead tone rang through my ear, and then through the air as my phone crashed into the wall. I yanked on my converse, mumbling towards my companion.

“Goddamn Winchesters and their goddamn saving the earth. Look, I have to leave, just return the key to the desk when you leave, and thanks for last night…” I shrugged on my jacket, grabbing my keys and reaching for the door knob. The mystery man goes to speak, having been woken up by our conversation, but I ignore him, closing the door behind me.

Crowley meets me the second I pull up to the building, a knowing smile displayed on his face. “So, where’s the lucky man now?”

I flip him off, walking inside. I’m greeted by Sam pulling me into a hug, a muddled kiss place in my hair. He pulled away, checking me for any signs of distress. “Are you okay?”

I nod, glancing around the room, finding Cas, well, Lucifer, Rowena, an individual I didn’t recognize, plus Metatron. I scan the room, looking for the person I least want to see. The door opened behind me, and in walks Dean Winchester, looking like hell warmed over. My breath caught and I swayed into Sam, going lightheaded. He wrapped his arm around me protectively as Dean approached us. “Y/n. Look I’m—”

“Don’t.” Sam growls towards his brother. “They’re here to help us, not for an apology from you.”

“I’m just trying—”

“No, Dean. You don’t get to try anything. They will decide when you get to talk to them. Got it?”

The unknown individual cleared his throat, directing our attention to the plan. I felt Dean’s eyes burning into my side, and then they snapped to Sam, when the announcement of who Mark would go to. I turned to look up at him, fear clinging to my ribs.“Sam? You can’t.”

“We didn’t talk about this. You can’t, it’s mine to bear.”

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you would freak out like this.”

I grabbed Sam’s bicep, dragging his attention to me. “Do you know what you are agreeing to?”

He nods, dragging me closer to him. “I have to do it, you know I do.”

I let him go, looking at Dean, our eyes locking. I can see the pain he’s trying to hide, the anger, the worry, all for his brother. I return my gaze to the big man, resisting the urge to comfort him. “Well then, let’s get this show on the road, shall we.”

The door opens, a beaten woman dragging herself in. Her dark eyes flicker around the room, landing on me, front and center. My breath catches in my throat, her beauty striking me. I swallow visibly, my eyes dragging down her body, before returning to hers. She straightens up, a smirk crossing her face. “Who are you?”

“I’m, I’m no one important.”

Lucifer impales her from behind, as Chuck steps around me, looking down at his sister. They exchange words, before Amara stands up, throwing the rest of us every which way. My head slams against concrete, the world dissolving behind my eyelids.

When my eyelids flutter open, I’m in a smokey void, with only Amara in front of me. I step forward, reaching for my knife hidden away in my jacket, only to find it missing. She lets out a laugh. “So you were the one who once owned the heart of my Winchester?”

“Your Winchester?” I let out a laugh.

She tilts her head, smiling at me. “Right, you both are dating, aren’t you? I might just have to steal him from you. Oh wait, I already have.” She leans in closer, running her nose up my neck, stopping when her breath tickles my ear. “Or I could make you watch as I bind our souls together for eternity. What was the phrase you used? Forever and always.”

“You—”

“Careful what you say to me. I could end your life with the snap of my fingers.” Her smile drops, her hand wrapping around my neck. I grit my teeth together, hissing out my next words. “Do it then, you bitch.”

My body gets thrown backwards, hitting an invisible wall. She tsks at me, her face holding no emotion. “No, no. I’d rather keep you alive. Force you to watch Dean leave you over and over again until the universe ends. Keep you in a little glass cage, as a pet.”

“You’re sick.” Amara throws her head back, letting out a laugh.

“Perhaps I am, but are you much better?”

I glare at her, silently cussing out Chuck for letting this happen. She takes my head into her hands, her eyes locked on my lips. “Nothing? I thought so.” She twists my head violently to the side, and the void disappears.

My eyes snap open, lungs panting for air as green floods my vision. I sit up, pushing Dean back from me, as Cas stands up. Sam is crouching next to Chuck, helping him sit up, his complexion pale. Cas speaks up, his monotonous voice returned. “You were out for a while. I couldn’t find your soul.”

“Thank you Cas. It’s great to have you back.”

Dean opens his mouth, going to say something when Rowena bursts through the doors.

“You all need to come see this. We have a wee bit of a problem.”

A month had passed since then, and I was thrown into saving the world yet again. Collecting souls to build a spirit bomb, Dean gave up on attempting to talk to me, his brother my guard dog. Saying goodbye to the only man I’ve loved, just for him to remain alive, returning with his mother. Saving Sam from the crazy Brits, and so much more. I moved back into the bunker, much to Mary’s insistence: “The boys need you, as much as they don’t want to admit it.”

I hid in my room, only coming out for the necessities, to share research I found, basically avoiding Dean. Unfortunately, he eventually caught up during one of my necessity runs. I felt confined as he barred my escape route.

“We need to talk.”

“We are, aren't we?” I shook his hand off my arm, eyes darting to the exit he left unguarded.

“No, we aren’t, and it’s killing me.”

I snorted, “Well, apparently I’m the problem, so distancing myself seems to be the only way to remedy that.”

Dean flinched back, tucking his hands into his pocket as he looked to the floor. “About that, I—”

“No.”

“No?” “No, you don't get to apologize. I’m done Dean. Something in me shattered that day, the day I realized I’m not what you wanted. That I was just convenient for you. And now that there's not another woman pining after you, you want me back. It doesn’t work like that. My answer is no, you do not get a second chance, divine interference or not.” I turned on my heel, rushing back to my room, leaving him

standing there with tears in his eyes matching mine. But, if there's one thing I know about Dean Winchester, it’s that he’ll get over it.

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #spn fanfic #tids tidbits #spn imagine #breakup fic #no hea #angst #spn agnst

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winchesterfanatic1967 · 1 year

Text

The L Word

Pairings: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,273

Warnings- Season 5 spoilers

You awoke with a deep gasp, your heart pounding and eyes wide. Sitting up and looking around the room you realize that you’re ok. Sam was asleep on the motel bed next to you, while Dean slept peacefully beside you. His chest rose and fell steadily, and you were more than grateful that you didn’t wake either of the boys up.

This hunt had been particularly difficult, and you knew the boys were exhausted and they needed their sleep. You were also exhausted, but the nightmares that usually occurred stopped you from being able to sleep.

The truth is, you were defeated. You and the Winchester brothers were working non stop and it was beginning to be one hunt after the other without a break and casualty after casualty with more lives lost than saved. It was kind of Sam’s fault that the world was coming to an end, but he received so much backlash from everyone you figured he’s been punished enough.

You couldn’t help but sigh softly and buried your face into your hands, then running your fingers through your scalp in frustration. Tears pricked at your eyes and you tried desperately to hold them back. All you wanted to do was sleep and get some well needed rest.

“Y/n? S’matter?”

You looked to your right to see Dean looking at you with squinty and sleepy eyes. Guilt coursed through you. “M’sorry De. Go back to sleep I’m alright.”

“What happened? Another nightmare?”

You look at him confused but he knew you better than you knew yourself. “We share a bed at every motel we stay in, and when we aren’t staying in a motel we’re living in the car. If you think I don’t know you by now or picked up on the fact that you’re not alright, you’re crazy.”

You quietly sigh, and look to your arms that were holding onto your legs. “You’re right. M’not alright. I haven’t been for some time.”

“I know.” He says teasingly with a smile playing onto his lips and yours did the same. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,-” You shook your head. “But..I really should.”

“I know I’m not the best person to talk to or get advice from. Hell, I bottle everything up and explode when I can’t take it anymore, but take it from me. Talking about your issues is way better than letting your mental health go down the drain…”

“I just…I feel like a failure. We’ve lost so many people in the last few years and with everything going on with the apocalypse… I feel like were losing more casualites than actually saving lives..”

The way he was looking at you was making your heart melt. His complete attention was on you, no distractions and every word you spoke you felt more and more comfortable expressing your feelings to him. You should’ve talked to him more, but you were stubborn just like him.

The truth is, your heart belonged to Dean and it always will. You’ve had your fair share of hookups with him and you knew that’s all you would ever get. Let’s face it, hunters don’t get a happy ending and he made it perfectly clear that it was a friends with benefits relationship.

Everytime he got close to someone it ended up in hurt and death. It’s the reason why he and Cassie never worked out, or why he had to walk away from Lisa. He knew he would never be able to get anything real and that’s why it was easy with you. No feelings or strings attached and you knew about the Supernatural so you understood the life.

Everything went well except you broke the number one rule of your friends with benefits relationship. You grew real feelings. Of course you wouldn’t say anything to Dean, because having him as a friend was better than not having him as anything at all.

“I just… I don’t know how to move forward. Trying so hard to save the world everyday and knowing it’s all on our shoulders is putting so much pressure on me. The clock is ticking and we’re running out of time. Jo and Ellen are dead because of us, Bobby can’t walk because of us…at his point I feel as if the world would be a better place without me” Your eyes welled up with tears and you were desperately trying to push them down.

“Hey hey hey, c’mere…” He cooed gently and pulled you into him. You turned to face him and wrapped your arms around his torso while burying your face into the crock of his neck.

He felt the tears sliding against his skin and his heart broke at the silent sobs that racked your body. He was so in love with you and it terrified him. He fell in love with you at the first hello. His past relationships never worked out but he couldn’t hide his adoration for you. He didn’t want to see you get hurt or to lose you so he figured innocent flirting and hooking up would do no harm.

You meant way more to him than just a hookup. He was scared as fuck to tell you especially now. If he told you how he really felt knowing his luck you would die on him tomorrow.

“Sweetheart, you have no idea how wrong you are..” He says softly. “The world would be a worse place without you in it. It would most likely already be destroyed if you weren’t here. No, this isn’t easy and it takes a toll on me too every single day. But I know for a damn fact without you, me, Sam and Bobby..it.. It wouldn’t be half the world it is. No, things aren’t the best with Bobby but unfortunately in our line of work it’s unpredictable and anything can happen at anytime. I really thought I would be dead by now and here I am at 30 alive and kicking. We’re doing our best and I can’t promise that any of us are going to make it through it, but I know for a fact we’re going to stop the apocalypse. If we go down, then we’re going to go down together and swinging…”

Your silent cries turned into tears, which eventually turned into occasional sniffles as he spoke softly. He always knew the right things to say to make you feel better. “Thank you…” You sniffle quietly and he wraps his arms around you tighter.

“I wish our lives were different sweetheart, because I would love to be normal with you…white picket fence with a dog and some kids..”

You look up at him and the amount of vulnerability in his features made your heart flutter. “I want that more than anything too De…I have strong feelings for you and it scares the shit out of me…”

“I, I feel the same way. I want to use the L word so much…because you deserve nothing more than to hear it every day…but I can’t. M’ scared to shit that if I tell you you’ll be taken from me and I can’t…” He took a deep breath.

“It’s okay De. I understand.”

“C’mere.”

You snuggled deep into him as much as you could while burying your face into his neck once more. He placed a kiss to the top of your head while wrapping his arms around you snugly.

“If somehow we do make it out of this…things will be different. I promise.” He spoke and now you had a reason to want to make it through this and live.

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finisnihil · 3 months

Text

So. I think. I may have figured out the significance of the red text in Penacony’s quest line and it’s relation to Acheron. Spoilers ahead for Penacony

First, let’s establish the connections and contexts in which red text is used in Penacony. The first time we experience it is when we meet Acheron.

During this initial conversation, Acheron tells us something extremely important.

Acheron easily forgets things UNLESS they are tied to emotional response.

When we see the red text used going forward it’s typically through emotional recollection.

Acheron asks if we have met before because it feels like we have. When she talks about her interactions Black Swan and her old friend she never recalls details like their facial features, their names, nothing like that, she only remembers the atmosphere of the interaction and how it made her feel.

When we see the red text pop up again it’s during exploration of the Dreamscape Reverie

In both these instances the red text is denoting emotion, experience.

This tape we find, it's extremely important.

When you turn it in to a member of the Bloodhound Family he informs you that the tapes are associated withe the assault of Sweet Dreams Troupe and a corruption of their "consciousness". He then gives an interesting description of their effect

The use of the term "tapes" is not a coincidence and I think I have the anwser.

It's the Stone Tapes Theory.

For those unaware, the Stone Tapes Theory is the belief that "ghosts" as we know them are actually recorded memories. During traumatic or emotional events, the mental impression seeps into objects like the stones of a house and the memories of the events get "recorded" in the object like a tape, and it's believed it can be "replayed" if interacted with in a certain way (it's the premise of a movie called Last Night in Soho which is an excellent watch if you want to look into the concept more).

The objects attacked were ones typically in a state of being inanimate and the attacks disrupted the impressions they already carried. They disrupt the mental state and emotions of the living because the living get sucked into the "replay" of the event. The term "phantasmagoria" in relation to the Dreamscape is used in the letter with the tape, which is a term for dream-like visions or illusions, typically seen in a half-concious or sleeping state.

How does Acheron connect to all of this?

In a previous analysis of mine, I talk about Acheron's connections to death and her possible role as a psychopomp. Death and Sleep are connected in many folklores across many cultures as Sleep is seen as a temporary stae of Death.

The Dreamscape has many allusions to being an afterlife or place of death beyond having the "Death" nightmare creature.

Souls are gathered in the Dreamscape and when you talk to many NPCs it's a shock to realize they're actually dead and their memory is being stored in the Dreamscape like the Stone Tape Theory. Chadwick, Lesley Dean, etc. And these are the quests that are shown in the Fate's Atlas. They're important. We access their memories connected to their fate using an inanimate object that holds significance to their specific situation.

Sparkle is used to reiterate that death isn't permanent in the Dreamscape but I don't think it's just because you can wake up, it's also because the "tape" can be rewound and replayed from the start.

Acheron was picked out from the start by Black Swan as interesting. She was her first dance. Acheron also shows to be able to navigate the Dreamscape very well on her own. The mingling of memory and death is significant because I think Acheron is serving as a psychopomp leading souls out of their Stone Tapes. Stopping them from being rewound. Her sword has a red eye and she sees the world in black, white, and red. The living, the dead, and Stone Tapes. This comes into conflict with Black Swan, who as a Memokeeper, would be striving to preserve those Stone Tapes. Sam burning entities in the Stone Tapes could be bad because he's destroying the tapes with those still inside them while Acheron is trying to guide the souls out.

Penacony has a big clock theme with an area of the Reverie even commenting that the clock doesn't work because time stands still in a dream. The different areas of the Dreamscape are called Moments. These "Moments" are just Stone Tapes.

Do you know what witness marks are? They've been symbolic in horror media like Mike Flanagan's adaptation of The Haunting of Hill House. They're scratches or dents in antique clocks left behind where pieces may have moved or been stationed and are used by clockmakers to help restore or wind antique clocks. The founder of Penacony as it is now is the Watchmaker. Acheron is a witness mark. All the special guests are. The Watchmaker's legacy is whoever can use the witness marks to fix the big clock of the Reverie and smooth out the disruptions in the harmony of life and death, these Stone Tapes.

Feel free to add your thoughts, mwah!

#honkai star rail #Acheron #hsr theory #Hsr analysis #acheron analysis #Penacony #Penacony spoilers #Finis Analyzes

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musclesandhammering · 11 months

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Spn Opinions That’ll Have Me Burned at the Stake Pt. 2: Electric Boogaloo

I’m back and bitchier than ever. For reference, here’s part 1.

• Season 5 wasn’t that great.

• D*stiel isn’t real, it’s a sucky ship, and that confession scene was just the writers pandering to the rabid deancas fans cause they knew they were the only ones still watching the show lol. And they left it ambiguous enough that they could still say it was meant platonically if they needed to.

• I hate how they watered down both angels and demons post-season 5ish.

• I liked Ruby 1.0 better than Ruby 2.0.

• I hate Honey!Cas. They just did that cause they didn’t know where to take his story from there, needed him out of the way, and thought it would be funny. It was insulting.

• Jack should’ve been played by an actual child so everyone’s abuse of him would resonate with the audience for what it was (casual fans are brain dead and need to be spoon fed).

• Victor Henrikson deserved more time on the show.

• I said it in the last post, but Alex is way more interesting than Claire and should’ve been given the lead role in the wayward sisters storyline instead.

• Dean is canonically straight and for Christ sake if you guys wanted bi rep, there’s about a thousand other characters that are strongly coded or implied to be bisexual (including Sam!) but y’all didn’t focus on them because it wasn’t actually about representation, it was about making it more plausible for your dumb fetishised gay ship to actually happen (spoiler: it didn’t).

• Season 3 and Season 6 were some of the best ones, you guys just don’t have any taste.

• Claire is not Castiel’s daughter and saying she is erases Jimmy and insults her, and even Cas himself acknowledged that on the show.

• Castiel is canonically NOT gay and Misha constantly saying he is is annoying and airheaded. He’s been attracted to women IN THE SHOW and he’s not even really male, so calling him a Gay Man is reductive and just plain wrong. Also, it’s veeery sus that- given how bi/pan folks are even more underrepresented than gay people- that one of the rare times where the bi/pan label actually fits a character BETTER in CANON……. the allies and monosexuals adamantly reject it. Hm.

• “Curing” vampires or werewolves or demons shouldn’t have been a thing.

• The Winchesters cause most of the bad shit that happens and then they just force supernatural beings to fix it for them- tell me again how they’re Super Special Heroes.

• It shouldn’t be possible to make angels human by removing their grace, because (unlike demons, werewolves, etc) they were never human to start with. If you drained me of all my blood, I wouldn’t magically transform into another species, I’d fucking die.

• Making Billie go crazy was dumb.

• Rowena was one of the most interesting and charismatic characters on the whole show- they just didn’t know what to do with her character.

• The archangels, Lilith, and Azazel should’ve been the biggest threats on the show. No other knights of hell, no god and his sister, no Cain, nothing like that. Having every villain just get progressively more overpowered made the show unbelievable and repetitive and annoying.

• The kernel sanders king of hell guy was hot.

• Dean is misogynistic as HELL, homophobic, likes racist porn, is a narcissist, pervs on teen girls, & thinks all non-human people should be exterminated… and that is all CANON.

• Most of John Winchester’s abuse is fanon.

• Fans portraying Cas as a smol bby who colours in colouring books and has a bee plushie is so fucking annoying.

• Instead of having so many gigantic cosmic storylines with god and his sister and alternate dimensions and even the angel and demon tablets, they should’ve just scrapped those and made the stein family and the bmol and the alpha vampire storylines way bigger than they were. Less cosmic stuff, more earth-based stuff.

• They ruined Lucifer’s character post-season 5. Before that, he was more sympathetic and reasonable than Michael. After, he was a spoiled child hurting people for fun.

• Everything from season 7 on is garbage. All of it. There’s bits of goodness here and there but overall seasons 7-15 are trash.

• How the fuck are there actual people who are deangirls and hate Sam?? The space where your brain should be is empty, I swear to god.

• If there was gonna be any lgbt rep in the Wayward Sisters group, it should’ve been Jody and Donna instead of Claire and Kaia. Those two were boring as hell and had zero chemistry or build-up, but Jody/Donna had plenty of chemistry and was very believable.

• Meg has the best and most realistic redemption arc of anyone on the show.

• Chuck was not likeable or charismatic enough to carry off as big of a villain arc as they gave him. Also that whole thing was stupid and WAY too Out There.

• All the angels should’ve been aroace. All the demons should’ve been pan.

• I stanned Cole so hard up until he changed his mind about hating Dean. That was disappointing.

• Sam went through the same shitty childhood Dean did (plus Bonus Abuse on top of it) and he didn’t turn out Like That.

• I cannot think of a single person that was asking for a spin-off about the Winchester family, like that has to be the most boring thing.

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ezra-editss · 6 months

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"Dean doesn't reciprocate" MY ASS

I'm just kinda gonna write down my thoughts about this. I'm in season 7 now, I know what happens in the very last episode, but nothing else so I don't read any posts about the show here yet :) (just so yk and don't accidentally spoiler me) Oh and I do this mostly out of memory and some notes that I took, so this might be a little chaotic :,)

Okay, so the whole season 6 fight was crazy to me. The way Cas was watching while Dean kept on defending him. And he knew how much Dean trusted him. ("The worst part was Dean. He was trying so hard to be loyal, with every instinct telling him otherwise.") It hurt him, but the whole time he was, again, protecting Dean. And yes, he hurt Dean, but I think it was as worse for Cas to hurt Dean, as for Dean to be hurt.

Then, Dean apologizing for the others? They (thought they) were wrong and Dean had kept on trusting Cas, so why was it him who apologized? Because he knew it meant more to Cas when he did it? Idk.

Cas wasn't able to lie when he looked in Dean's eyes.. come on? Also, the fact Dean wasn't actually mad when he found out was really interesting. He was just extremely sad. Yes, his trust got broken and maybe he was just tired of it all, but it didn't seem like that to me, I felt like he usually got madder.

I love how they always share those sad looks when they go apart after the fights btw, such a best buddys thing to do.

It was really hard for both of them. We can see that Dean can't sleep that night and that Cas comes back to talk to him alone, because it only matters to him that Dean understands.

Oh and the "I'm doing this for you, Dean." I don't even need to explain his motives, because he reveals them himself.

Then the scene from my edit. (at the top) (it's kinda laggy, bc it's slow-motion, but anyways) They both have teary eyes a lot, but this is different. Dean turns aways because he knows he's gonna cry and Cas disappears before he really starts crying, but they are both fuckin crying about this. They're both just sad and want this to end. Even when Dean said he's gonna stop him and so on, it was way less threatening then usually. And Cas kept coming back when Dean was in danger.

But Dean still cared as well. In the first episode of season 7, when Cas asks for help, he pretends he doesn't care about him anymore for a bit, but you can clearly see that he still does. You at least can see it when he thinks Cas is dead. He's devastated.

It's kinda funny how Bobby's there but Cas very obviously only cares to make up to Dean. Like he always says "they're my friends" but in reality he means Dean.

AND THEN.. Cas tries to protect everyone else again and sends them away but DEAN STAYS. I think he knew that there wouldn't be anything he could do, but it didn't matter.

Cas dies again. (give my man a break, please) Dean keeps the god damn coat? I think he might've done it, because he was hoping that Cas would come back again. Anyways, scene was devastating.

In the judge/court episode about Dean's guilt, I immediately hoped Dean didn't feel guilty about Cas too, but was pretty sure he did. My worries were confirmed in episode 5.

So yeah, I suppose that's the part where I am, I guess I have to wait 'till Cas comes back now :,)

I don't think anyone read all this, but I hope I didn't make any grammar mistakes, bc English isn't my first language, so I sometimes get stuff mixed up (I definitely made the tenses confusing). Anyways, rant end.

#destiel #castiel #dean winchester #supernatural #destiel edit #dean x castiel

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probsnothawkeye · 13 days

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Well we've reached public release of the @souloperatorpod mid-season finale and I'm still unwell about it so it's spoiler thread time let's go!

Tessa leaving felt impossible when she decided to leave after episode 9. Episode 10 proved that it was, in fact, impossible. Introducing a literal creature, clearly massive and monstrous, making you think that *that's* going to be the threat of the episode only to have Tessa step on a fucking bear trap?? Absolutely evil and so fucking well done on Tot's part. It's such good writing that I can't even be mad but I'm still screaming internally. I know Tot well enough to know this was the same bear trap that was sent to Tessa. There's no way it wasn't. It's a brilliant bit of foreshadowing because you truly do not know why a bear trap would've been sent until you hear them screaming as their leg is crushed. Tot is too good at screaming and crying in pain in podcasts, I will never emotionally recover. Like it HURT to hear, she's that good.

Tessa sending away Lucy, trying to get this loyal dog to leave so she doesn't get got by the monster broke my heart. They're so content to die and it hurts me so bad. And then Tot brings Dean into it? When I heard Dean I lost my mind I wanted him to be alive but he wasn't. There's no bringing him back, but he's still trying to save Tessa anyway. "It wasn't your fault. Tell my brother it wasn't his fault either" Tot what if I sob? What if I scream and cry and throw up?

And somehow this wasn't even the part that hurt me most! No THAT honor is reserved for when Nate gets there, trying his best to save Tessa. "I want to die." "I won't let you." It's been a week and I'm still unwell over this I mean seriously Tot how could you do this to me? And then to have Nate actually listen to Tessa and realize that she wasn't the cause of Dean's death while she's bleeding out in his arms? Now he feels responsible for both his brother AND his friend's death! And while I doubt Tessa is dead, Nate doesn't know that right now and I'm going to lose my mind over it I mean Tot. Tot. You didn't have to do that.

This episode perfectly punctuates the end of an incredible first half of the season. It asks more questions than it answers but in the best possible way. Tot's writing is masterful and is brought to life so well by them and their cast, I could, have, and will weep from it. Soul Operator is going on a hiatus after this to finish up the rest of season 1. There has never been a better time to listen to this show and everything it has to offer. I'm so incredibly proud of @totcoc0a and everything she's accomplished with the first half of the season

Tot not only are you an incredibly talented writer and voice actor, you're also a marvelous friend and I feel so lucky to know you every day of my life. The first half of the season destroyed me in the best way and I can't wait to see how you continue to break me

This concludes our last Soul Operator thread for a while! If you're not listening to Soul Operator nows the time to start. And if you ARE listening to Soul Operator, please come scream about it with me I love it so much

#soul operator #souloperatorpod #soul operator podcast #i fucking love this show so much and need everyone to listen RIGHT NOW #pine throws thoughts into the void of tumblr

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irradiatedrosegarden · 20 days

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its really great to see someone on here whose so passionate abt dead money!! i would love to hear about daisy and their relationship to the other collars! (also, i really love how you draw christine, she is delightfully teensy tiny)

YES THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING, I WOULD BE SO HAPPY TO EXPLAIN :D

The entire situation of being stuck in the Sierra Madre and forced to cooperate was a special kind of awful for Daisy, what with her being the type of person who does not trust other people (not at all quickly, at least). She likes being in control, and absolutely hates feeling like her life is in the hands (or, *ahem*, around the neck) of anyone else, which makes for a very interesting situation with some very interesting dynamics with the others collars!

Daisy and Dean:

Their relationship is something of an unstable equality, where they both hold the upper hand (and both want to hold the upper hand), until they don't. They could each beat the other easily, Dean with smarts, Daisy with strength, and they each know it, and it's something about that shared capacity for ruthlessness (the ability for each of them to fight with teeth and claws and come out on top; there's no clear winner between them, it could go either way) that enables them to actually get pretty close. (and like, really close at one specific point in an abandoned convenience store, if you catch my drift.) Between the two of them, Dean is the one in the so-called "leader" position, calling the shots whenever they're doing things side-by-side, although look any closer than face value and it becomes clear how much he relies on Daisy's strength, selflessness, and general know-how. Dean will let her take point more often than not, let her charge ahead and do the dangerous things, the scary things, the hard things, that he will then take most of the credit for (she doesn't mind too much, luckily). They're kind of like,, y'know, a rich guy and his big ol' guard dog that he keeps on a short leash and claims the reason it's so short is because he needs to keep her under control, that it's a reminder that he's in charge, he's the one who owns her (metaphorically), but in reality it's so short because A) he finds comfort in her being so close, able to protect him at arms' length, and B) she is really who's leading. not him.

He also refers to her as "Miss Daisy" more often than not, which is kind of cute. She calls him "babydoll."

Daisy and Dog/God:

Daisy meets God twice, once in the police station and again in the kitchen, and both times, they absolutely hate each other. No camaraderie between them, nor was there ever any potential.

Daisy and Dog, however, end up caring for each other. A lot. They become fiercely protective over each other, quickly realizing "oh hey I would die for this person actually" and each putting in the extra effort to make sure the other has what they need. Daisy goes out of her way to keep Dog fed, to reassure him that he's doing well, everything's going fine. In return, Dog keeps an eye out for the things he realizes Daisy is afraid of (BUT IMPORTANT CHARACTER NOTE FOR DAISY, admitting fear is something she never, ever does. Ever.). Dog will use himself as a shield for Daisy (if need be), and does his best to steer her away from the darker areas of the Villa, or from more cramped, enclosed spaces or pathways (she has claustrophobia). He tends to scout ahead when they're traveling together, reporting back to Daisy with things like "Small space ahead" or "Ghosts that way," so they can take a different route (even if they could theoretically kill ghosts together with relative ease, ghosts are scary, dude).

Daisy has a lot of sympathy for Dog. For a good chunk of her time in the Sierra Madre, he acts as an anchor, reminding her she's not here (or shouldn't be here) for the gold. She's here to cooperate until she can get the hell out of here, and take Dog with her. He deserves better than what the Sierra Madre has handed him.

(no spoilers bc I'm writing a whole fic about Daisy's time in the Madre, but . . . . things don't end up going well for her and Dog; something she ends up regretting so much, and so deeply, she attempts to drink the cloud kiss (poison), which (fortunately) doesn't end up killing her.)

Daisy and Christine:

These two end up trusting one another more than anyone trusts anyone else, due to several factors, most having to do with their inexplicable shared experiences (having gone to the Big Empty and gotten their brains messed with, being the only two human women, both knowing and being very close with Veronica[!!][although it is a purely platonic, sisterly relationship with Daisy; we all know that was very much not the case with Christine and Veronica <3]). They both adapt to the other very quickly, and get really good at watching each others' backs while they do their things in the Villa. They have a pretty significant barrier between them, though, with Christine not being able to speak, and Daisy . . . really not being able to understand her, for the most part (low perception and very low intelligence), but those walls fall down once they reach the casino and Christine is able to speak and explain things in a way Daisy understands.

very important note as well, Daisy understands immediately that Christine wouldn't want to go in the elevator at her switching station to do all her work manually (tiny cramped room, noises like an Auto-Doc, no. way.). Forcing Christine into the elevator was never even an option; Daisy has claustrophobia, she doesn't want to be stuck in any tiny-ass room with barely any leg room. Christine appreciates this. :)

i love talking about characters and dead money this is so fabulous, thank you for your ask <33333

#if anyone has any other questions please ask!! i love to answer!!! :D #RAAAAA DEAD MONEY MAKES ME SO CRAZY /VERY POSITIVE #so much more i couldve touched on (like the shift in dynamics once they enter the casino environment rather than the villa)#but i felt like this was getting really long lol #I LOVE TO TALK AND I LOVE TO WRITE #YAYYY #dead money #new vegas #daisy correa #dean domino #dog/god #christine royce #courier six #fallout headcanons #irradiated writing #headcanons #oh oh oh p.s. daisy calls christine “sugar” and “love” (platonically)#and dog “baby” but like. in the tone you might use for a small child #she also calls dean “pretty boy”

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