#sorry i'm always on my soapbox

[sinigangsta-ao3]

Thursday Thoughts: On fandom and a sense of belonging

I love @ao3commentoftheday, in general. But I particularly love how succinctly and beautifully they summarize how, as we participate in fandom, we are ultimately (even if it's unconsciously) seeking out community.

Yesterday, I reblogged their transcription, where they reflect on why fic writers specifically — and creators and artists, generally — seek and savor engagement metrics (e.g. kudos, comments) when they share something online. As they summarized: it's because kudos and comments are the only tangible points within an online space that can be presumed as points of connection. As signals of community.

To quote them:

"For me. That's the piece that's missing. That's the piece that people crave, the thing they're looking for. It's not about the comments, it's not about the numbers, it's about connections and relationships. And that's the part that's missing."

Additionally, in response, @ishtarelisheba reblogged and added a big YES-AND — underscoring that, in addition to finding community, it is both reasonable and valid for writers/artists/creators who are sharing their work online to expect a positive feedback loop. Because who wouldn't want the confirmation that one's efforts and vision are not only seen but also appreciated by someone else in the world (especially because the artist made a point to put it out in the world in the first place?).

As they so beautifully summarized:

"Very few people actually want to work hard on a piece of art, a piece of writing, a sculpture, a dollhouse, a carving, a sweater for their dog, and just Gollum it and never show another person. For most creators, showing your creations to others is vital for that creative part of your soul to thrive. Of course you should love what you do and enjoy what you make! But don’t ignore the part of you that wants to hold it up two inches from someone else’s face and get love and enjoyment from them, too, just because some false platitude instilled a sense of shame for that pretty much universal need."

Both of those needs — connection and validation — can and do exist whenever anyone enters a space, either online or offline. And, in addition to saying we seek out community when we enter fandom, I would even take it a step further (hold on, Corporate Nina is entering the chat) and say that we are seeking out a sense of belonging.

I'll link some articles explaining this in a bit more depth below, but — as summarized within this organizational study in the Harvard Business Review — we experience a sense of belonging within a group when we experience the following (in parentheses, I've added some of the online "engagement" equivalents that we probably look for to find indicators of belonging):

We are seen for our unique contributions (hits, views).

We are connected to other group members (servers, blog communities, social media platforms).

We are supported in our work and in our artistic and creative development (comments, kudos, reshares, other individuals in the fandom talking up your work).

We are proud of the group's values and purpose (sustained enthusiasm/desire to participate and create in fandom).

I know that these tenets were crafted based on workplaces and formal organizations — but I don't think it's a far reach to apply them to fandom. Because, at its core, fandom is still an organized, social body comprised of individuals coming together based on a common goal and/or shared interest. It's like a school. Or a workplace. Or a social group, in that regard.

And, regardless of why and how someone finds themselves within fandom (or any organized space), it is not only valid for someone to want to receive indicators that they're welcome and that they belong — but it's also a biological and psychological human need to feel connected and validated within a social space (you can read about this phenomenon in the 2020 MIT study that cites that we receive neurological signals akin to physical hunger when we crave social connection).

On a more personal note:

Over the past few weeks, I've been wrestling with this sensation myself. Mostly because I initially intended to join this particular fandom in order to simply write — and I was surprised when I realized that no, I wanted more than that. That, as cited in the quotes above, I did truly want to make friends, connect with others, and find community. To connect with others to a degree that, in full transparency, I don't typically do, both online and offline.

I did think that I found a little pocket of community. And I enjoyed it a lot, felt like I thrived and like I might have found those people that "got" me...

And, sadly, that sense of belonging I thought that I experienced ended up a bit of a facade.

Now, I'm in a space where I'm trying to figure out where, how, and (sometimes) if I even belong in this space. There are a lot of things that I like to add, that I get a lot of joy out of — but I also receive a lot of indicators on a daily basis that maybe, just maybe, I'm not as welcome here as I originally thought...

Basically, it's interesting to be a participant in fandom in this day and age, when it is both so easily accessible to enter the space and so challenging to navigate and assess authentic connection.

I don't necessarily know what the answer is. I know I'm bringing some of my equitable organizational design principles into my thought processes here (and I know that some people think I'm overthinking this but whatever) — but I do think that there are both individual responsibilities that need to be upheld and systemic changes that need to be made in order to sustain a sense of belonging for all participants.

But, in the meantime, I'll just continue to assess meaning in this space for myself, continue to lift up others, and continue to suss out where and with whom I can find those bits of connection and validation. Because I would really, really, really like to think that I still belong here.

---

Final note: as promised, here are some articles about sense of belonging, in case you're interested.

"Acute social isolation evokes midbrain craving responses similar to hunger" (Nature Neuroscience, 2020)

"Create a Sense of Belonging" (Psychology Today, 2014)

"Missing Your People: Why Belonging Is So Important And How To Create It" (Forbes, 2021)

"Sense of Belonging: A Vital Mental Health Concept" (School of Nursing and Department of Psychology, University of Michigan, 1992)

"What Does It Take to Build a Culture of Belonging?" (Harvard Business Review, 2021)

#on fandom #sense of belonging #online community #fic writing #writer problems #thursday thoughts #nina-bean writing #sorry i'm always on my soapbox

[imminent-danger-came]

OKAY SO.

End of 3x14.

Sun Wukong: "I know I can never make it up to you. Honestly, I never thought I'd live as long as I have let alone be someone's mentor—turns out I'm not very good at it. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm sorry MK, for all of it."

One: the fact that Wukong is so many times immortal, and was so afraid of mortality he kept reaching and reaching for more sources of immortality, but he still didn't think he would live this long drives me insane. He's so paranoid of death yet he's also afraid of life. Get my mans some help.

Two: I always find this line one of the most damning pieces of evidence that he knew about MK's identity the whole time. Cause it's like...this is his apology, where he's explaining himself and his downfalls, and he makes it a point to explain to MK that he never planned to have a successor. Which, this directly contradicts everything he says to MK in AHIB, and he's practically admitting that he never wanted to be a mentor. This wasn't something he was ready for. And truthfully, I think that adds to MK's s4 questions/confusion and purposeful denial about what he is. Deep down MK already knows that Wukong couldn't have chosen anyone else to be a successor, and he knows Wukong was never looking for one. And I think it all starts right here, with Wukong implying it

#Wukong out here pre-apologizing for the ''MK this is what you are and this was my part in it'' reveal #Always on this soapbox #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk analysis #lmk SWK #lmk MK #I'm sorry guys Wukong knowing about MK's monkey identity is kinda just the text #Wukong vc: ''Only *one* of us here can defeat the Jade Emperor! One of us specifically-'' LIKE HE'S TALKING ABOUT MK #MK LITERALLY DID #OH MY GOD #anyways

[selfshipping-haven]

I swear sometimes the way I sympathize with tragic villains is gonna end with me making enemies.

I just think we need to think about the way we see people with trauma, and how a lot of writers give the heroes good upbringings and the villains bad ones, and how that makes us see people with trauma and mental illness in real life. I'd like to argue that sympathy for fictional characters with trauma can make us think about how we should care for real people with trauma. I think a lot of people think that I'm excusing their actions but no, I'm simply thinking how we can prevent things like this from ever happening and how we can give mentally ill people a safe place to heal and grow.

And no, your favorite fictional villain isn't automatically a narcissist for acting in their own self interests.

#Sorry I guess I'm always on my soapbox lmao

[birchbow]

Thank you for PoF it literally rewired my brain a normal amount eons ago when I first read it. Every time I make a new character for anything and I start to worry maybe they're just a little too unhinged, I remember PoF, and know that I'm valid and so are my insane little horny characters 😌❤️

I am so excited that you say this because it's important to my heart! Insane little characters with strong wild opinions or reckless horniness or huge blind spots or weird personality quirks or frequent fuckups they often learn very little from are the heart of stories that keep my interest and provoke reaction from me as a reader!!!!

Let every character be a character!! I have never been more bored as a fanfiction reader than the other day, when I read a fic where only the villains were allowed to be rude or irrational or petty or angry without immediately apologizing in uniformly articulate and modern "I've learned what people are supposed to say in apologies" speak. Because they're a Main Character! They're a Good Guy! But sometimes good guys and main characters are going to fuck up!! Sometimes they're going to be bizarre! Sometimes they're going to be at odds with other characters who are Good Guy Main Characters, over things that may or may not be a big deal for their characters!

Listen!! Sometimes I write a character talking shit and I'm wincing the whole time, not just because they're being an asshole, but because I know they're going to double down on it later! Because they just,,, don't think or feel the same things as the person they're being an asshole to! Do I the author agree with one more? Probably! Do I necessarily have to resolve "and this one was right, so the other one apologized"? No! Characters conflict with the other characters! It's uncomfortable to write sometimes! But my level of comfort or discomfort with the uncomfortable is part of writing stories where THINGS HAPPEN and goddammit I am out here for things happening otherwise what is even the point. >8U

#ask time! #I'M SORRY I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT THIS!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH! #you can have cool AU concepts all you'd like but if the characters therein are always in the right and do the right thing #versus the bad-guy no-good-traits never-a-person villains who have zero character or personality other than ''Mean Asshole Bad Guy'' #then it still feels like eating an enormous bottomless bowl of over-boiled plain oatmeal #LISTEN strip it down and I'm writing a fic about two trolls who are in a very healthy loving relationship. they communicate. they're in lov #but also: kurloz is smugly complacent in his blood-right to rule! gamzee is insecure and codependent and has a nasty buried temper! #He wants people to like him because he makes more effort than a lot of highbloods to be Nice and has friends across the hemospectrum #but he gets pissed off when lowbloods point out that being near him or the community he loves is very dangerous to them! #(why would you say that? HE'S been nice! he has lowblood friends! he's not even threatening you about being rude to him right now!) #and that's not a great way to be but it IS a way to be and I think it's a more honest and interesting one to turn around in my hands/brain #WRITE WEIRD LITTLE PEOPLE I'M CLIMBING DOWN OFF MY SOAPBOX NOW THANK YOU

[niteview]

okay i promise i’ll get off my soapbox i will break it down for the night but i just want to say every mx dance practice is a shownu focus cam GOOD NIGHT

#where do i look in the ones from gambler onward ): #i don't know anything abt dancing on the technical side but i do think they're all pretty strong performers #but #just like his vocals he just has smth special abt him that's hard for me word #he's a strong dancer..how do i say it it's like he pulls you in commands attention #just smth abt him! #ahh wait i think it's a lot bc it rlly seems like he's in his element performing!!! #he seems rlly comfortable and so happy to on stage or in the studio & has since day 1 )))): #**to be on stage #like i rlly think he was born to dance #my favourite singer my favourite dancer of all time wrapped up in the funniest warmest person i adore him 😭😭 #i'll never truly get off my shownu soapbox lksdgjd here to stay babey sorry i'm not sorry i will always hype him UP ☝🏻😤 #lissa.txt

[animentality]

Did they get a postive response from adding those Gortash lines? I thought a bunch of people hateing on it instead? Also what if they removed the lines to change them a go a diffrent direction. I'm sorry. I have a lot of worry they wont do something I agee with.

The overwhelming reaction was positive. Durgetash artists went on Twitter to celebrate, and the small but passionate fans of the ship went nuclear here and on Twitter, and helped BG3 trend, yada yada, tale as old as time.

Most people don't care about Durgetash or Gortash. The majority of people you hear from would be the people who like both of those things. It's also a small ship.

The haters of that ship are even smaller in comparison, because the hand that reaches out will always touch more than the hand clenched into a fist.

And the only "legitimate" complainers, who don't just dislike the ship on principle, are the whiners who keep insisting their durges are lesbians, and how dare Larian "force" them into a relationship with a man - which is literally not what Larian did.

No one bitches about how Gale's ORIGIN completely precludes him from being gay.

I see no reason why you can't similarly have Durge's ORIGIN make them attracted to men. Or, you know. Enver is special.

Oh. And also. It's so fucking platonic, if you want it to be. Stop being stupid and just say you don't like Durgetash. It's as easy as that.

Stop using "lesbophobic" as a handy label for your self righteous soapbox. You just don't like the ship, and that's fine. It's FINE. But acting like Durgetash is lesbophobic - oh, go play a Tav.

And also, Astarion and Gale and Wyll better not flirt with you in game, even though you can tell them to fuck off, or else they're lesbophobic too.

That's the only discourse that gained traction on Twitter. As far as I know.

If Larian had made Gale wear blackface or something, and people got pissed, then yeah. They'd back up on that, and get rid of it pronto.

But Durgetash???

Aside from the general evil antics, they're not that fucking controversial of a ship.

Most people don't even PLAY the Dark Urge.

I don't know how to stress this any other way...

People act like Durgetashers are loud - we're honestly not that loud.

Astarion fans are far louder, and yet, the most romanced companion is SHADOWHEART and then Laezel and KARLACH.

He's not even in the top 3. And yet, he dominates the content on Twitter and Tumblr... he's definitely more popular than Gortash or the Dark Urge or Durgetash together...but his fans are still technically the damn minority.

So Durgetash in comparison to Starries???

Infinitesimal.

And Durgetash haters?

Would be even smaller.

So what I'm saying is...

I'm kind of tired of answering asks about this.

I don't KNOW for certain whether or not this is Larian backing up or walking forward, and while I don't believe they'd walk back on this, and especially not for a handful of people, it kind of annoys me to even think about things outside of my control.

now if Larian makes a big grand statement and says actually we totally rescind something WE WROTE AND ADDED TO THE GAME because some people got mad...then I'll call them cucks, and complain.

But as of right now?

As far as I know personally, and assume in my heart... it's neutral.

The lines are probably just bugged. Also, not ALL of them are bugged either, so.

Please stop freaking out, guys.

I am the world's biggest resident durgetash freak, and I'm shrugging at this, and just saying it's a bug.

Don't let it bother you. It's out of your control, regardless.

(And I stress again - if we find out they're legitimately backing away from something they did...they have the spine of a ham sandwich. But until we know that for sure, I won't condemn them for this, because as far as we know, it is legitimately an accident.)

#durgetash #please stop asking me about this #i dont know what you want from me #i just dont think theyre walking back on it #peartree was totally different #after this addition too #even if they do alter lines i just believe its still going to be durgetash coded anyway #although if theyre changing them so soon lmao cuz theyre embarrassed and want to make them a little less #idk cheesy maybe #then damn larian you have no self esteem #stick to your fucking guns #dont you stand by your own writing at all #stop letting fans change how you write #grow a fucking spine #if youre gonna add durgetash then add durgetash #if youre gonna remove it then go ahead and be a bitch and remove the only character you bothered to give gortash #but dont sneak back and try to edit shit that you already sent out #but also im sorry if its just a hotfix bug #then this is me being mean for no reason and i apologize

[seafoamreadings]

ceres compared to chiron

and why i am a champion of the asteroid goddesses

if you've been here a minute you know i have kind of a soapbox about ceres. let me make a few points about why! just in case you're new here, or want to go deeper.

although there has been much astronomical fuss since 2006 when pluto was "demoted" most any western tropical astrologer will have some fear and respect of that object.

to my mind, ceres is the same way. she was discovered in 1801, only 20 years after the discovery of uranus and several decades before neptune, more than a hundred years before we knew of pluto.

some of you know i'm a physics grad student with a background in astronomy (my master's thesis was on some cool supermassive black holes).

the astronomer in me agrees wholeheartedly (sorry to offend some folks) that pluto is (astronomically) not a 'planet' according to the definition set by the IAU (not NASA). the definitions matter a lot. the astrological definition of a planet is different from the astronomical one! astronomically pluto is a little more like a comet, just a really really big comet. it even has a little tail.

ceres *is* significantly smaller than pluto, but other than that has many of the qualities of an astronomical planet: she is spherical, orbits mostly in the plane of the solar system (not true for pluto), and in spite of being smaller than pluto is larger than all the other asteroids.

the trouble is neither of these objects have cleared their orbital path. plus due to the small size of ceres and the weird inclination and eccentricity of pluto's orbit, these are both currently "dwarf planets."

but astrologically, as long as you don't limit yourself to the seven planets of the ancients, if you're a person who uses lilith (any of the astrological liliths, there are several) or chiron especially but also if you use uranus through pluto, eris, etc, how can you discount her? we've known ceres for much longer than most of these objects, she's much closer to us, and her themes are always relevant.

i will pick on chiron specifically a bit for perspective. nearly any astrology enthusiast knows and uses this object. its unstable orbit is, like that of pluto, eccentric and irregular. it is outside the orbit of saturn and inside the orbit of uranus, taking 50+ years to complete its trip around the sun. it wasn't discovered until 1977. its size is not even accurately known yet.

but chiron is a default object on many software charts even where ceres is not.

this is due to popular culture but not, in my view, sound astrological reasoning.

what do you think?

anyway don't even get me started on eris...

#astrology #ceres #pluto #chiron #planets

[my-mt-heart]

A few people were wondering what I meant when I said Daryl’s arc in S1 could ruin Caryl’s arc in S2, so I thought I'd try to elaborate. It's probably the 5th time in the last 24 hours that I've jumped on my soapbox. I'm a little burnt out, but hopefully this makes it clear where I stand. As always, my inbox is always open <3

There are very specific qualities that drew Caryl fans to Daryl’s character from early on. There’s his devotion to Carol first and foremost, his vulnerability, and his unconventional masculinity, all of which go hand in hand. But like I said, S1 isn’t targeting Carylers. It isn’t trying to nurture those qualities that we love. There’s a reason why everybody keeps calling it a “reset.” Reset in this case is just another word for retcon.

Based on what we’ve seen so far from the marketing, S1 seems to be targeting young males whose viewpoint clashes with our own. So instead of getting the Daryl that feels natural to us, a loyal man yearning to get home to the one woman he’s always been in love with, we’re going to get an ambiguous OOC Daryl who knows he has “people” to get back to, but also finds the newbies interesting enough to feel conflicted about it. That's according to the synopsis anyway.

There's likely going to be shipbaiting, case in point the bathtub. That does not mean Daryl’s going to get together with or even have explicit feelings for a younger female character who happens to fit the target audience’s view of a love interest. I'm *very* confident that will not happen. It does mean, however, that the show will do what it can to make you *think* that Daryl could have feelings for someone else or get together with someone else.

How many times have they tried to turn Daryl into TWD’s most eligible bachelor? How much did it erase his nuances? How much did it aggravate us? And the big question is, why are we being asked to pay for more of that same bullshit we never wanted? Because it’ll eventually pay off? Okay, but how are we going to feel when Carol, who’s crossing oceans and taking lives, finally finds Daryl? Happy for her? Or sorry for her because Daryl didn’t go to the same lengths that she went to for him?

Those are my biggest concerns. 1) Daryl’s and Carol’s arcs being uneven and 2) waiting a long time for gratification that may be underwhelming again if AMC is still trying to placate everybody.

“Well, fuck, MT. That was extremely bleak and it sounds like we shouldn’t bother getting excited about Carol/Caryl.”

I am not saying we shouldn’t get excited. After an entire year of misery and uncertainty, we know Carol is coming back. She’s going to ride Daryl’s bike, she’s going to rescue him, she’s going to wear a ring that looks like the mysterious one she wore in 11x15, she’s going to walk a bridge with Daryl that’s reminiscent of Consumed. That’s all stuff to get *SUPER* excited about. Unlike S1, S2 *IS* targeting Carylers. I just don't want anything to take the wind out of our sails before we even get there.

So I think it's important to keep urging AMC to show us that #DarylNeedsCarol on the deepest of levels. Show us that this is going to be *their* show, not just because Daryl and Carol are both going to be in it, but because it’s going to continue their shared journey (a title that encompasses both their characters would be an effective strategy, I’m just saying). We still have a long wait. We still have time to change our minds.

#caryl #caryl spinoff #carol peletier #melissa mcbride #darylneedscarol

[frontlinebicepsoftheninth]

ty for asking abt "radial" + "gradient," i've been wondering that but only lurk in the tumblr fandom lol. in that spirit, i have another question for you/the fandom (sorry to use your askbox as a soapbox!!): does anyone have any thoughts about what augustine means when he accuses mercy of "going back to the bad old tricks of the past" and trying to set herself up as john's "replacement a.l." and "playing a rather dangerous game -- the one you'd said you'd stop"? that whole conversation remains really opaque to me. can't tell if i'm supposed to know what it means, or if it's something we'll only really understand once atn is out.

any and everyone is always welcome to use my askbox as a soapbox!!! without rereading in context i have no clue and i don't think i've seen posts about it.... thoughts anyone?

#was this during the final confrontation in htn or earlier? #htn spoilers #harrow the ninth spoilers #tlt spoilers #the locked tomb spoilers #htn #harrow the ninth #tlt #the locked tomb #anon #dios apate

[cailynwrites]

Harry Potter Rec Fest Day 21 - Thought-provoking

@hprecfest - this prompt was itself very thought-provoking, it made me go back and think about the fics that made me close my Kindle and stare at a wall for a while. The fics I love best make me re-examine canon and rethink the things I knew about characters and situations, or even my own life.

The Audacity of Lavender Brown by @malpal132 Pairing: Lavender x Charlie Word count: 6,457 Rating: E

Canon did Lavender Brown dirty. I'm not sure who did her dirtier - JKR or the movies - but I really think she's unfortunately a one-dimensional plot device in a series of books already bereft of strong, admirable female characters. @malpal132 sets out to change this. This fic not only made me rethink Lavender in and out of canon, but female characters in general. Come for the feminism, stay for the sexy smut with Charlie Weasley.

Pop Up Pals by bambimoss Pairing: Draco x Harry Word count: 62,447 Rating: E

I love down-and-out Draco. I think it's a good impetus for a redemption arc and humanizes him for Harry and others who spent years villainizing him. This fic takes it to another level. I got literal stomach aches feeling so sorry and sad for Draco in this fic. As an introvert who doesn't love leaving the house but still experiences loneliness like all humans, I related to his "imaginary friends" and the embarrassment of having your lackluster (as judged by others) personal life outed. I don't want to spoil too much, because this fic is so small and heartbreaking and wonderful. You all need to experience it for yourselves.

************************************************************************

And finally, a couple of little self-recs ...

Keep Your Eyes on Me by @ahhhnorealnamesallowed - a Podfic (Spotify) Pairing: Draco x Harry Word count: 2,786 Length: 17:55 Rating: T

How Harry became a tattoo artist. The descriptions of art in this fic are so beautiful; I can picture them clearly. The writing is efficient and minimalist but evokes so much emotion. I love this alternate journey for Harry - a way for him to work through some of his trauma.

A Gift of True Esteem by @teledild0nix - a Podfic (Spotify) Pairing: Draco x Harry Word count: 53,965 Length: 5:37:00 Rating: E

This is a personal one. I recorded this for the wonderful @teledild0nix at the request of their partner for an anniversary gift. Of course, I said yes! It's a sweet and thought-provoking fic: Hogwarts professors Drarry, educational reform, werewolves, actual queer representation, adorable magical pets. For me, the educational reform was the thought-provoking part, and Liddy does a great job laying out some of the problems with Hogwarts curriculum and then trying to fix it. I so enjoyed recording it, and even moreso the thought of @teledild0nix listening to it.

Mini-soapbox rant to hopefully make my post meta-thought-provoking: Liddy's partner asked me, when recording this, if they could compensate me for my work. I do some paid audiobook work in my free time, but this is fanfic, and I would have done this for free just because it's such a sweet thing for someone to do for a loved one.

(Shouting into the void and very much not at @teledild0nix's lovely partner:) But also don't try to monetize fandom!!! We do this out of love for the fandom and to increase accessibility for those who might not always be able to read. It's fun, it brings people together, and no one should be making money off it! Let's just all scream on the internet about how great and fun it is, okay?

#hprecfest2023 #hp podfic #lavender brown x charlie weasley #drarry #keep money out of fandom

[peachesofteal]

hii! so i'm about to publish my first fic (very scary even as someone who has read them for like a decade now💀) and i was wondering if you had any tips on how to format on tumblr, since i know theres so many ways to do headers, dividers, moodboards and all that, what in your opinion is the best way to go about it! sorry if this is confusing i just feel like you'd have some great advice :]

First congratulations, this is a terrifying and terrific endeavor! It is nerve wracking to post your own writing and I commend anyone who does so! (Send me the link so I can read it!)

Personally (and others may be different! Everyone has their own preferences) I like to use the title as the ‘big text’ and the pairing beneath it. After that, I use a banner to separate and include word count, the AO3 link, and warnings/tags. I will advise to always include exhaustive warnings! If your fic is dark, includes dub or non con, make sure you tag it appropriately. It’s not okay (in my opinion) to post a fic and not tag those things for prospective readers. I include a little tag line (or summary) as well. Some use moodboards in place of the banner and I love that, just never get around to doing it myself.

This is my own soapbox but: please use ‘read more’. Scrolling through long posts that I don’t necessarily want to read is a pain, and guarantees me just flicking through without reading.

#peaches asks

[halfmoth-halfman]

Wait why the SJM hate? Honest question I had no idea she was a bad person?

ok so i've gotten quite a few asks like this and i'm gonna answer them all here. sorry anon, i'm using your ask as my little soapbox for a moment.

explanation under the cut- fair warning it's long and talks about racism, misogyny, abuse, and rape/sexual assault

this is also gonna be the one time and one time only i address this because i'm a CoD writing blog and (and i'm gonna sound mean here) google is free and if a bunch of people, especially a large group of poc (and more specifically black people), have said an author is problematic and you don't take the time to at least listen or do your own research on that author that's your own fault and willful ignorance.

for some of the other anons asking who sjm is: sarah j maas is an author most famous for her throne of glass (tog) and a court of thorns and roses (acotar) series.

for people who want to say i don't like her because i haven't read her book: i was, at one point, a fan of hers and have read every single one of her books.

sjm and her works are presented as ya and for a lot of people, much like how harry potter and jkr were for my age group, her books were probably their first pick up at around 13 and their first introduction to the ya fantasy genre, to ya romance, or to sexy scenes.

the problem is, her books are hailed as "feminist" titles, when all she does is romanticize these extremely toxic and straight-up abusive relationships between her characters as romantic. the moment the dark, broody love interest is introduced, the female mc loses all agency. (this isn't just an sjm problem, but she's who we're talking about right now)

(tw: rape/sexual assault/abuse/misogyny)

you're given a protagonist who's supposed to be intelligent/capable/able to take care of herself, but as soon as the male love interest (who you can tell sjm likes far more than the female mc) swaggers in, and become a part of the story. the moment the heroine starts to fall, she becomes a side character in her own tale: all of her motivations, her purpose, her desire are now only about furthering this broody mystery man with shadow powers and his ambitions. it may be said that they're equals, there might even be a few tender moments of false hope that the heroine is going to get her spot back as the main character of the book, but it's all a façade. she is and always will be subordinate to the male love interest, and every other man she comes across. and sjm has a big problem with making it clear through her writing that really, it was never the heroine's story in the first place, it was always the man's.

@happysharkintensifies put it best in this post:

It was never her story in the first place. It was his. She no longer makes decisions or takes initiative for herself; it's now for him. It's no longer about her mission or goals or desire; it's now about his. It's no longer about her struggles or pains or hardships, it's now about his. And it's not just her story that's stolen from her. Her personality, character and strengths are wittled away as well. If she's competent and skill at something, then she'll suddenly have the rug pulled out from beneath her by a man who inexplicably outclasses her. If she's confident, well-spoken, and respected, then she'll suddenly become tongue-tied, flustered and condescended to by a smirking man who's somehow more witty and eloquent than she is. If she has ambitions that don't immediately revolve around men or relationships, then she'll suddenly have her mind changed by a man who'll make her forget and discard her goals in favor of his. If she's disinterested in, or indifferent to men, she'll suddenly become infatuated with and softened up by an excessively attractive man almost instantaneously. And, worst of all, if she confronts him for his gaslighting/manipulation/violence/abuse, she'll suddenly find her anger and will crumbling as the story and narrative excuses and forgives him for his misdeeds. Worst of all, she'll be forced to admit that she's wrong."

and to especially add on to that last point, in the acotar series, feyre (the golden white woman) is raped and sexually assaulted by both of her love interests. and when it happens at the hands of rhysand (sjm's favorite brooding love interest) it's described and romanticized as an act of protection- he's doing this for her benefit, and it's not allowed to be brought up in a negative light because he's assaulted her for her own good. the amount of times women in her series are abused/gaslit/manipulated/killed and it is framed as romantic because she's either in a relationship with the man doing it or because he "likes" her is quite frankly disturbing and is a shit message for her majority teen fanbase who are reading these books and solidifying that same stupid rhetoric we all heard as kids that "if a boy hurts/bullies/is mean to you that means he likes you".

there's also the trope she seems to favor in her books of "only good (and mostly white) girls get to keep their powers".

good girls put their man first. they're modest and humble. they need to be saved by a big, strong, brooding man with a dark past. they would never wear revealing clothes and are so so scandalized when they have to be paraded around half-dressed for a plot point. they only fuck when they have to or are forced to because any sort of sexual agency is immediately looked down upon by their man and god forbid they disappoint their man. they're often mistreated by any man they meet and will take the abuse and thank the man for the treatment because they're a good girl.

they're not like other girls, the bad girls.

bad girls are too independent. they're too strong, too proud, too into their looks. they need to be put into their place. how dare they be seductive, wear revealing clothes, sleep with whomever they want.

@ekileh puts it well in this post:

feyre is the literal holotype of a good girl. she puts everyone else, especially her male partner, before herself. she is a little more selfish at the beginning of the books, but she undergoes a lot of character growth by acowar/acofas. in acowar i think it makes her compelling because she’s so recklessly brave that it almost sets her allies’ efforts back (it’s almost a mistake!) but everything always works out for her. but by acofas, when she’s wearing herself to the bone doing charity work, she’s become a martyr. she also is forced into wearing sexy clothes (by rhys) and they don’t do anything sexual until there’s, of course, only one bed. she’s so OP her powers eventually get nerfed for plot reasons (nesta, elain, and other side characters need a chance to shine, so feyre gets pregnant, shielded, and now has a baby to protect so she probably won’t risk herself unless anything threatens nyx), but her powers are still there. she still has control and agency over her powers. she’s just choosing not to use them or put herself in harm’s way because she’s now a mother. nesta, amren, and aelin are bad girls because they are selfish, proud, difficult to get along with. we don’t know much about amren’s sexual history but we know aelin cockteased rowan for months, and nesta made her way through velaris and jumped right into bed with cassian—not for love, but for a distraction—once she was confined to the house of wind. (i know feyre claimed her one bed moment with rhysand was for a distraction as well, but she wasn’t really in the same place as nesta where sex was an active self-destructive coping mechanism for her. and she later admits to rhys she was lying about wanting distraction to protect herself.) and yeah amren and aelin gives up their powers for the wars and nesta gives up her powers for……a wider pelvis. because bad girls can only be redeemed by sacrificing their power. good girls will gladly sacrifice their power and lives, but they are always spared. bad girls may offer their lives too (as amren and aelin did), but even if their lives are spared they never get to keep their power like good girls do. (and of course OP men always get to keep their powers.)

(tw: racism/homophobia/ableism/abuse)

before we get into this next part: i am black, more specifically a queer black woman living in america.

it's no secret that sjm's books are severely lacking in diversity. there's the illusion of diversity with the "dark" brooding love interest and his gaggle of equally broody assholes- the slight tan, or golden bronze, or light olive skin meant to placate readers looking for more representation. and sjm knows this, so she gives them a setting and culture that's a poorly picked apart and reduced version of real life non-white cultures without any care of thought.

and what representation people of color do get in her books are almost the same as most other popular fantasy novels (looking especially at you, game of thrones):

they're the dark-skinned savages, the uneducated and violent

they're the conquerors, the people who have been harassing our straight white girl main and ethnically ambiguous faves and need to be put in their place

they're the former servants or slaves who are rising against their oppressors but aren't doing it in a polite or kind way the mc's deem fit so their often valid points are immediately dismissed

they're the beautiful, strong seductresses who are in the way of the perfect white mc getting with her dark, broody man so they must die, often in an unnecessary or extremely violent manner

sjm says she supports the black lives matter movement, says that there is diversity in her books, and then in the same breath will prop up and praise art for her books that blatantly whitewashes what few characters of color there are, she will give the excuse that it was her publishers who lightened these characters skin without her knowledge because, of course this character who she's never described as anything other than tan with european features is actually supposed to be a character of color,

she will use the death of a real black woman murdered by police as a way to promote her next book (link)

it is exhausting and unbelievably hurtful, to have to watch as an author (especially a non-black author) who has shown no respect towards her black characters or any of the real cultures she boils down to basics for her books praise herself and let her fans praise her on having diversity in her books, blatantly and carelessly use a movement meant to bring to light and discuss the violent ways black people are murdered at the hands of the police to promote herself and her books where black and characters of color exist only to be killed and black and poc women are fridged for white pain.

it is also hurtful as someone who is a part of the lgbtq+ community and disabled to have to sit through books that contain things like:

this woman identifies as lesbian, but she's going to be in a love triangle with men and will suffer unbelievable amounts of sexual abuse and violence at the hands of men so her lesbianism will disappear because sleeping with men is her trauma response

all bisexuals are threesome sex fiends

magical cures for disabilities because how dare someone not want to be "normal"

it's not abuse if it was done for your own good followed by the outrageous lengths sjm goes to in order to redeem male abusers and rapists like rhysand, and tamlin, and eris to the point where some of them get the best happy ending but then violently murder all female abusers in the most horrific ways

look, at the end of the day, sarah j maas is a popular author. she writes (imo) mediocre books that are really only for white women/teens/young adults to live out their tall, dark and handsome mystery magic man fantasy. but she's famous, and more than happy to let her fans speak over any valid criticisms black and people of color have brought up over her writing, and her acts as a person.

she will never go away, most likely never change or acknowledge or take responsibility for things she's said/done/written, her fans will probably never care or give a shit about these problems, and as long as people continue to support her and buy her books she won't give a shit either.

all i can do is curate the content i consume to ensure i don't have to see or deal with her or her writing.

if you're a fan of hers- fine, you do you. i know there are people who i'm sure are perfectly nice individuals who are fans of her and i'm sure there are people of color who enjoy her books- that's entirely up to them. i'm not going to go around telling people to not read her books, or go into spaces for her fans to scold people over their like of her. If you want to read her books and support her despite the harm she's caused and the criticisms poc have spoken about, that's on you and i have little respect for you.

i know i sound mean in some of this, but this is my blog and i'm sure there are hundreds of other blogs out there ready to sing sarah j maas's praises. so, if you're a fan of hers and don't want to see criticism of or any type of negative feelings towards her or her books, i am going to politely suggest that my blog is not the place for you.

#anon #moth answers #answered #anti-sjm

[baticeer-sims]

I'd like to hear your soap box about romantic standards! I use ACR at the moment but reading that "unpopular opinions" post got me curious about other options 👀

Hiya! Thanks for asking. I absolutely love Romantic Standards, I could NOT play without it these days. I used to use ACR in the past though, so I tried to make a balanced list of the pros and cons for me. But then it got REALLY LOOOONG because I'm a wordy person sorry, so it's under a cut.

The quick TLDR of it is - I feel like ACR creates romantic chaos that's often unpleasant/nonsensical to me, while I feel like RS creates romantic drama that makes sense and also allows for a lot of variety in how different sims will feel about their relationships.

By the way, I use Midgethetree's edited version of RS because it's modular (you can pick which parts you want) and the documentation is way easier to understand lol. If you have any trouble with mod conflicts or with getting RS set up the way you like, feel free to ask me about it and I can help you out with what exact files you need.

The full soapbox under the cut!!

One thing I want to say is I think a lot of people have been playing with ACR for so long that they don't know what their game will be like without it? And they underestimate how much autonomous romantic interaction will still happen between sims. A key here is that sims can't autonomously interact romantically unless they have compatible gender preferences, and townies or CAS sims always start with 0 preference, so a vanilla hood without ACR will feel low on the random flirtations unless you use something like the Sim Blender (or similar) to randomize everyone's gender preferences! (And ACR gives out random gender preferences automatically, so you might install ACR, see a lot of people interacting romantically for the first time, and assume you can't get that without ACR when all you needed was the gender preference setting, yknow?) But I can assure you that with ACR removed, my sims are definitely still getting into plenty of unexpected romantic entanglements and exciting drama.

To my mind, these are the biggest features of Romantic Standards that I just can't get with ACR:

Random chance of crush/love status: I could never play without this now. As you probably already know, normally two sims automatically get a crush or love when they interact romantically with 70+ shortterm or longterm relationship respectively. It's kinda predictable and boring to me. RS, specifically the "slower feelings" file, makes it so that crush/love flags are added randomly with the chance being based on the sims' chemistry with each other. This also allows for some amazing Drama Potential where you could have 2 sims interacting and one is completely in love with the other but the other has no feelings for them at all! It's otherwise impossible to do that. This makes crush/love flags actually feel meaningful to me, like they represent real human feelings, instead of just being able to know that if I decide one day to smooch my best friend they're guaranteed to fall in love with me.

Simple jealousy system that makes sense: I could never get my head around ACR's jealousy system to make it work the way I wanted. I felt like sims would have their token values changed even when I set them to be static, and stuff like that, and it just was so complicated to figure out what values I wanted... OTOH, this is how jealousy works in Romantic Standards: If a sim is in love or in a committed relationship (steady/engaged/married), and they see their love/partner interact with someone else romantically, they get mad about it! Unless you put a "no jealousy" trait in their inventory (then they won't get jealous over anyone) OR if they also have crush/love flags for that 3rd sim (this, allows for you to have polyamorous relationships). I find that easy to understand and to work well for a majority of situations. There's also an option where they won't get jealous over love, only committed relationships -- but I prefer the also-in-love version because it combines really well with the previous point about crush/love being randomized! You can frequently get situations where A is in love with B but B only has a crush, so B will be willingly flirting with other people and A might get their heart broken over it because they thought this was serious... It really generates a lot of interesting storylines.

Sims don't cheat on their partners if I don't want them to: I know ACR is supposed to have settings that will make sims stay faithful, but I was unable to get it to work consistently, and I feel like I've often heard other people say things too like "I didn't want this sim to cheat but 🤷 ACR just did that". With RS, if a sim is in a committed relationship they can never do autonomous romantic interactions with someone else unless 1) they're Romance aspiration or 2) they already have crush/love for that other sim. You can of course still direct sims to cheat if you think it makes sense, but I don't have to worry about anyone's marriage falling apart if I want them to stay together. (Also, you can override this for specific sims by giving romance sims a "hopeless romantic" trait, or non-romance sims a "commitment issues" trait.)

Midge's version of RS is modular so almost all of the stuff I listed above is separate if you only want part of it.

On the other hand! Here are the things that ACR does that I've missed or that you might miss:

Autonomous woohoo and try for baby: Your sims won't woohoo on their own anymore. I found that I didn't really mind this? The woohoo timer in ACR feels kind of mechanical to me, and a lot of times they'd be starting to do it in situations that were really inappropriate (like other people are in the room and they're stripping naked on the sofa at 9am). And I don't mind the lack of try for baby either because I prefer to decide when my sims have a baby based on if they roll a want for it, or if it just happens from risky woohoo. I've noticed that simler90's original version of RS has an optional plugin that allows for autonomous woohoo but I don't know if it works with Midge's edited RS. I haven't tried it yet bc I don't mind not having auto woohoo. If anyone has, let me know.

Can't woohoo on the sofa and can't woohoo in one menu-click: My god it's so much easier to be able to click "casual...woohoo" than relax on bed, ask other sim to join, wait for them to get there, cuddle, then woohoo. Something to note is that there is a "stripped down" version of ACR which only retains the Casual Woohoo interactions and was made to be compatible with Romantic Standards. However in my experience (and that of a few other people I've talked to) the jealousy aspect of this so-called compatibility... still doesn't quite work correctly? So the "casual woohoo" option, if you have stripped-ACR, I think it will still go off of ACR-jealousy (which is impossible for me to understand lol), instead of RS-jealousy like everything else in the game? It can definitely cause situations with jealousy reactions that aren't working how they're supposed to. So um... the crazy thing that I do, personally, is keep that stripped down ACR in my game but with all the autonomy completely disabled in global overrides, at which point it is doing literally nothing other than letting me tell them to casual woohoo if I want them to woohoo on the sofa. And I just make sure to never use that option in a situation where jealousy is a possible concern, in order to avoid the issue where it doesn't work correctly. It's kind of overly complicated a thing to do just to get sofa woohoo but I'm just saying it's an option 😂

No autonomous First Kiss: This is it! The one thing I truly do miss from ACR and would really love if someone made a mod for it one day! I love when my sims do stuff autonomously and surprise me. But First Kiss is a non-autonomous action, and what's more, sims can't roll the want to "Kiss so-and-so" if they haven't already had a first kiss, so I find it kind of hard to decide when my sims will have their first kiss. I'm always like, why can't you do it for me!

The other major difference is that the "Casual" romantic interactions from ACR have lower thresholds for acceptance than the default Maxis interactions. I personally don't see this as a positive because... well... I've been playing this game for so long, I kind of know how to get sims together at this point, I really don't need to make it even easier 😅 I'd rather have RS making it a little harder for sims to fall in love. I use a lot of other mods for other aspects of the game that make it harder overall because it's more fun for me.

Also! So, I was going to give you a list of other romance-related mods that I use in my game along with RS, but then I realized I could be lazy and just give you a link to my friend @alice-in-strangetown's mods list, because she & I have pretty similar taste in how we like romance to work in this game and I use basically all the same romance mods as her :P because I started using RS after finding out about it from watching her TS2 livestreams.

If you want to try RS on a neighborhood that has ACR but you're not sure if you'd like the playstyle, I recommend temporarily replacing it with the "stripped down" ACR version (and disabling autonomy), because that way your sims will keep their ACR tokens if you decide you don't like RS and want to switch back to using ACR. Of course, it's technically possible to have both of them at the same time, but the key thing about ACR is that all of the "Casual" interactions in it are completely separate from the vanilla maxis interactions so mods that affect default maxis interactions or maxis jealousy (like RS does) won't interface with ACR interactions and vice versa.

I hope all of this was helpful, and that maybe it convinced you to give Romantic Standards a try! Like I said, if you need any help getting it set up I can give you advice or a more detailed guide on how to install it (I think the documentation's pretty straightforward tho).

#I... don't know how to tag this #mod guide #?? #the sims 2 #ts2

[duck-in-a-thrift-store]

Getting on my soapbox for a moment, topic being, uhhhh... religious influence on education and bodily autonomy? Smthn like that idk

(This ended up being really long, so, more below the cut)

My parents put my little sister in homeschool as soon as I graduated, which like, i WoNdEr WhY (it's me hi I'm the problem it's me)

And the program/co-op thing she's involved in is christian-based bc my folks are unfortunately conservative christians who think it's a good idea to bias their child's entire understanding of the world through their religious beliefs

So my sis was telling me about her health textbook the other day, and how it was kinda weird? Like, they have a unit on I guess dating and sex type stuff, but this textbook has some interesting opinions

Such as, suggesting kids (not like little kids we're talking about high schoolers here) avoid hugging their partner because it supposedly might turn them on??

And, ok, to be honest I have absolutely no idea how realistic that is, it sounds pretty silly to me, but like even if that totally is a thing that happens to people... who cares, right?

But no, obviously that would be just disastrous because we can't have anyone tempted to do something totally crazy like having sex before marriage, god forbid

And there's just that sort of "no touching" purity culture bullshit and it really pisses me off, especially as someone who was also raised in that mentality, and I was just lowkey flabbergasted by the ridiculousness and audacity of a health textbook to tell kids not to hug someone they're dating bc it might lead to premarital sex, and I basically said as much, smthn along the lines of "imagine sexualizing hugs" to my dad, trying to get him on my side I guess, but that isn't how it went

Let me preface this with: I love my dad. I do. And he has really been making progress in terms of letting me be me and still supporting me even though our views don't always align. But my dad can also be petty, and he's a very touchy-feely person and I'm very much not, at least with most people including him. We have a little bit of history of him trying to hug me, me rejecting it, and him getting butt-hurt over it. So there's your rant-relevant context I guess

So when I half-jokingly say "imagine sexualizing hugs," he shoots back with "imagine being uncomfortable with hugs" in like, a targeted mocking way, like that in any way makes sense to use as an insult toward your own child or anyone for that matter

I didn't have the presence of mind or energy to really unpack that in the moment so I kinda just went "bruh did you really just-" made some joke like "well gee sorry for being autistic" (which yeah that's part of it too) and dropped the conversation

But like.... does he really not see the irony?

One of the major reasons I'm not comfortable with hugs and touch in general is literally BECAUSE of how it's been sexualized, like, that's kinda the whole point?

Of course I'm not going to want to hug you, my father, when there are voices in my upbringing suggesting that touching people is sexual, duh

Like it's literally so obvious to me how the two lines of thought are inextricably linked and how this sort of ideology can fuck someone up because, hello, living proof right here dude, so let's maybe NOT teach the same shit to your younger child?

Yeah you're right I'm not comfortable with hugs and that's kinda sad but I'm trying to get you to see that part of why that is is because of the same idiocy you're letting someone preach to your daughter, so if you don't want us both to be like me,,, maybe don't do that

To the kids and anyone else who needs to hear it, when how and why you touch another person should be up to you and that person and no one else. If you want to hug someone and they vibe with that then hug them, please don't let some bible-thumping freaks tell you it's a slippery slope to sin or whatever. Your body is your own and you make the decisions about what to do with it. That is one of your most basic, most fundamental, most bar-on-the-floor rights as a human being. Anyone who tries to guilt you about something like this is trying to control you and you should be wary of them

Me personally, I just find it interesting how society is so set on calling drag queens and queer people groomers when there are literally religious teachers out here manipulating children into not having bodily autonomy

What's up with that?

#duck rants #hug discourse i guess? #hugs are both sacred and repulsive to me so yeah i was gonna rant about this #obviously #religious trauma #bodily autonomy #sexualization #stop sexualizing touch #education #health education #family issues #this is health class not sunday school #get your puritanism out of the damn textbook #so help me god #(yes i see the irony) #purity culture #fuck purity culture

[taylortruther]

Do you think he cheated

And if so are you surprised by Joe doing that? I am it seemed he was a good one

---

unsure! i think everyone is assuming that because it's the only common and concrete thing we think taylor wouldn't abide by (and she shouldn't!) + it seemed SO sudden that it's hard not to imagine something Bad happened. and tbh when the news dropped, my mind definitely went there.

and i'm neutral. i'm neither surprised nor unsurprised. i know y'all get tired of me saying this but like... i was neutral on joe, i never felt like i knew enough about him to form an opinion (i also didn't seek out info.) generally the fandom has always been really resistant to assuming joe was that kind of guy - but imo it's more because a lot of fans believed the problems were all in taylor's head and not anything to do with joe personally (and i experienced this when i made my original analysis of hoax/renegade.)

that said, even if some noteworthy "evidence" is coming to light, i still think everyone should just be cool. of course we're all interested in what happened (i am too) so i don't care people are discussing it. i just don't like how reactionary the fandom is. like... just be cool!!

sorry to use this as a soapbox lmao

[my-writings-and-musings]

Personal head canon that mtmte tailgate, swerve, and firstaid are ftm. Thoughts? Perhaps a mini story on one of said bots comforting a trans human liaison after a rough call home to unsupportive family? Thanks in advance, I love your writing and I’m glad your inbox is open again

They can be whatever makes you happy! My blog will always be a safe space for trans headcanons, and while I don't really have any myself, I love writing them. Thank you!

Small note on my dinged up little soapbox, because the state of the world absolutely merits being clear about this always but especially at present; my blog will always be safe for everyone but TERFs and those who support them. No bigotry will ever be welcome here. I shall now climb down from my little box to write some robots...

I went with First Aid because I've got a soft spot for medics. <3

First Aid knew enough about you to tell you were upset, and that alone was enough to motivate him to try his very best to help, even if he didn't yet know why you were in such a foul mood. You'd been most unlike yourself the past few days; securing yourself in your room and answering his messages with clipped replies if you responded at all, and the change had come out of nowhere. However, it was when you turned down your weekly hangout all together that he'd become truly concerned. While he hadn't a clue what was wrong, even as he stood outside your door prepare to knock, he knew he needed to do something.

He hadn't been prepared for the door to be unlocked, but he had been less prepared to find you weeping on your bed, your tiny human form lying on the middle of the Cybertronian sized berth in a mess of your scattered belongings. His instincts took over and he hurried to your side as the doors closed behind him.

"Y/N? Are you okay?" he asked, gentle but insistent as he dropped to one knee beside the berth.

You startled at his sudden arrival, tear stained face breaking his spark when you lifted it to face him. Sniffling and wiping away the mess on your sleeve, you turned your head away, trying to keep your shoulders from shaking as you choked out a response through gulps for air. "First Aid, I... I'm not but I... It's not-"

"Hey, hey, deep breath." the medic instructed gently, having learned how important oxygen was for basic human functioning when he'd been trained in your care. Ignoring how uncomfortable the position was, he lowered himself further, scrunching down until his visor was level with your puffy eyes. It took everything to sound neutral when he was so deeply worried for your wellbeing. "You've been holed up for days, what's going on?"

You sniffled again, and he felt his spark ache with every crack in your voice and quiver of your lip. "My family called."

"I see." he said simply, fighting to keep the disapproval from his voice. There had been little talk of your parents, but what he had gleaned from multiple conversations told him the relationship you had with them was unpleasant and rife with turmoil, particularly regarding your transition. Still, he remained neutral as he encouraged you to speak, not wanting to trouble you with his concerns. "What happened?"

"They... I thought being away for a bit might have changed things, but they're still..." you trailed off as fresh tears started up, and it was all he could do to cup your tiny body and stroke a comforting thumb up and down your back. He felt every tremor that passed down from your shaking shoulders. "They won't even use my real name. I've tried so hard to make them understand, but when I told them I started T they get so mad, and I... I can't. It's been years, but they won't..."

"I'm so sorry." he said as you trailed off into sobs, fresh tears pouring down as you held your face in your hands. It was impossible to stay calm as his energon boiled on your behalf. Humans were a much younger species, sure, but how could so many of them be so utterly backwards? Cybertron, for all of its problems, had little trouble grasping the concept of transition. Were those that had created you truly so set in their ways that they'd rather lose you than accept you as you were? Did they have the slightest idea what they were throwing away? Unable to find the words to express as much, he merely said what he hoped would convey a fraction of what he felt. "You deserve so much better, Y/N."

Your tears slowed, but of course the pain didn't just go away. He hadn't a clue how you were so strong in the face of so much needless hatred. Transitioning was supposed to be freeing as it had been for himself, it was an act of self affirmation that deserved to be celebrated, and yet those closest to you seemed intent on souring every part of it.

"What am I doing wrong?" you asked weakly, grasping for an explanation when there were none that could help.

"Nothing." he replied firmly, pushing up against the berth so he could bring your tiny body near to him. He wanted to shield you from those so intent on doing harm to get their way, and he couldn't keep his own voice from wavering with emotion as he continued to bare his spark and assuage your pain. "You haven't done anything wrong, do you hear me? I wasn't wrong to change my frame, and neither are you. It isn't your fault they don't realize what they're throwing away, and it isn't your responsibility to make them see the truth."

Something in your eyes shifted, and he recalled when he and Ratchet had first sat down to ensure they were completely able to provide your care before your first appointment. It had been such a simple but worrying thing, to gather the knowledge that they needed and ensure they were providing the best quality of care a human could receive. He'd been so worried he would hurt you by accident. He still remembered how you'd hesitated to ask about hormones at your first checkup, how shocked he'd been to discover the difficulty it took to acquire them on Earth, and how you'd lit up when he'd assured you it wouldn't be a problem. It hadn't been long after he'd developed a way to synthesize what you needed that the two of you had become friends, and he'd told you of his own story, all while watching you grow happier with every passing day as you came into your true self...

"I'm sorry..." he said weakly, ignoring the tears in his visor as you came to the edge of the berth for a proper embrace. There wasn't just sadness in your sobs and shaky sighs, but he kept speaking, wanting you to know that you'd never have to do this alone. "I'll always be here, okay? Maybe we're not the same species, but..."

He held you close, meaning every syllable of the words as he spoke them like a promise.

"Your real family is on this ship."

#transformers #maccadam #mtmte #more than meets the eye #lostlight #idw #tf #ll #human reader #self insert #first aid #transgender #trans ftm #tw transphobia #angst #hurt/comfort