#sometimes i feel the opposite but rn it's really hard to convince myself it's not enough that he wants me back | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dontjudgemeimawriter · 3 years

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Excerpt-- the“Breakup”

Surrounding context: (This is earlier in the story than I’ve been writing, though I’ve referenced it.)

Before this, Terran was assigned to kill Jesse Sutton, a PI that he discovered Raymond knew. Raymond was unable to convince him to back off the kill, because Terran was worried about Zachary discovering his true allegiance, already feeling like this was a test. Raymond gave Jesse a heads up, which caught Terran off-guard enough that Jesse was able to convince Terran to let him go. Terran’s still trying to figure out a cover story to give Zachary when Raymond shows up. He’s in a cafe, grabbing a coffee and looking over Jesse’s investigation.

Under the cut

I’d been on edge since I’d left Jesse’s, sure that someone was checking in on me. Jasmine, or someone else sent by Zacahry or Abigail or anyone else. Just because I hadn’t seen anyone I recognized didn’t mean someone was.

So when my peripheral caught someone walking toward me, I was on edge. I didn't react, only slowly and as natural-looking as I could re-sorted the papers—to-be-destroyed on the bottom, to show Zachary in the middle, and notes on Jodi on top. Could be someone passing by, could be someone sneaking a glance, had to be safe.

When the person slid into the seat across from me, I figured it must be Jasmine—very much her style to come up to me and sit down. But when I flicked my eyes up, it was someone else entirely—Raymond.

Of freaking course. It was good for me—I could relax about what I had in front of me—but just because he had approached me didn’t mean someone else wasn’t following me. To give Raymond some credit, he was disguised— he had a hat on with the brim low, covering much of his face and hair, a dark red scarf covering part of his face, and the glasses he usually wore were off, which did change his face considerably.

Still, this was a public place. “We can’t be seen together,” I said, my eyes staying on the yellow note paper in front of me.

“What did you do?” he asked. He spoke quietly, but I caught an edge of desperation there. I looked up. He was leaning forward, eager, nervous. Scared—he was scared I’d done it. He’d told Jesse to talk to me, but he was afraid it hadn’t worked.

It felt too dangerous to say it aloud, especially here. I looked up, looked around. “Can we talk in private?”

“Did you?” he asked again.

He needed an answer. I gave the smallest shake of my head—unsure, suddenly, if the question was “did you kill him” or “did you let him go,” so I wasn’t sure if I was answering him—and said, “I can’t talk about this here.”

“Is there really a place no one will be listening?” he asked, but as set as his face was, he sighed. He held out a hand. “Ultimate privacy,” he said.

I stared at his hand. He’d implanted a thought before, yes, but that was different from showing him mine. But why was I being so cautious? It was Raymond. He knew the secrets.

But I didn’t want to let him in completely. I didn’t want him to witness that scene from my perspective, in all my hesitation—what would he think of it?

“Or somewhere else, whatever,” Raymond said, starting to stand. “If there’s a place that’s safe—”

I reached over and took his hand. He looked at me, surprised, and then it closed around mine, giving me a squeeze. I watched him, nervous, waiting.

Go ahead, what happened?

He could have just looked himself, pulled the memory to the front of my mind and watched it. Asking the question did that anyway, but he was waiting for my answer.

I let him go. He left town, I’m going to find him but figure out how to fake his death then.

Raymond nodded, but he didn’t look less tense. He didn’t withdraw his hand yet, so while we had privacy, I added, It was risky for you to tell him I was coming.

I wasn’t even sure if he’d hear it— I don't know how Nyp magic works, not really, and haven’t let any in other than him. But he must’ve, because he glared and dropped my hand. My wrist landed with a thud on the table and I stared at him, watching his eyebrows furrow in.

Was he upset with me? I was so used to the opposite— me scolding him to stay hidden, him assuring me he was being careful. I was used to Mika’s anger, but on him it felt so foreign. Mika’s never bothered me, but Raymond being upset with me?

Had he really needed scolding there anyway? I stared at the papers in front of me, not to look at them but just to look anywhere else. After a moment of him glowering at the saltshaker, I said, aloud, “It’s a good thing you did, though,” I admitted, and then that got him to at least look at me.

“Because you were going to do it,” he said, an edge in his voice.

I didn’t want to have this conversation, here, aloud, but sometimes a response builds up and comes out anyway. “We talked about this. Last night, I thought you understood—I had to.”

“But you didn’t,” he said, stubbornly.

“I found an alternative, one that probably won’t work,” I snapped, realizing in a sudden rush just how shaky this plan was. I’d had to sound confident with Jesse, even faked myself out, but this was so unpredictable. So many ways for it to go wrong, for us to get caught. I hadn’t even told the first lie yet. “We have to be more careful than ever—”

Raymond leaned forward, setting his hands on the table. His voice was hushed, but sharp.“You almost killed a friend of mine.”

I tried to stay calm. “I’m in a difficult—”

“I know,” he interrupted, in his normal volume. “And you’re very good at it. But if I hadn’t convinced Jesse that you were capable of being a decent person, you would’ve—done it, and you know what? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Keep your voice down,” I scolded, automatically.

He narrowed his eyes and I realized I probably shouldn’t be telling him what to do in that moment— even if he did need to be quiet. But he lowered his voice and chose his words carefully. “You almost did, and you intended to, because you were at risk. So I have to ask myself, if you’re willing to kill a friend of mine to keep your cover, can I really trust you?” His eyes dropped, staring hard at the table. “And maybe I shouldn’t.”

A vision flashed of him leaving, of him leaving and never getting to see him again. “Raymond—” I started to say, but there were people around, and I couldn’t say everything I wanted to, and he wasn’t going to reach over and let us talk through my head.

How could I say, in that moment, how much I needed him? With the exception of this moment, I was safe around him. I was a better person around him, we both knew that. And maybe freeing him, and keeping the cover and helping his friends, maybe it was hard, but he was worth it. And maybe that was why he was upset anyway, but I couldn’t lose him because he was the reason I was taking the risk with Jesse.

Raymond shook his head and stood up without looking at me, walking to the door.

I wasn’t going to let him leave— he left and I may never see him again. I pulled the papers together and clutched the file, hurrying after him. I caught his arm, searching for something to say, some way to apologize, but before I could find anything he twisted his arm around to hold mine. “Stop. Don’t follow me,” he said, then pulled away, running away.

It should’ve been easy to follow him, to at least know what direction he was going, but as soon as he turned away, it was like my mind forgot who he’d been, and I stared at the people fast-walking every which way and had no idea who I was looking for.

I took a deep breath. I’d lost him, and that feeling was bubbling up in me. I’d always known he’d come back, warned him against it, but taken comfort in knowing that he would, or at least that I could contact him but the contact card were gone— not that he’d respond anyway— and in all our time together, all our arguments and I’m sure, plenty of reasons to infuriate him, he’d never been mad at me before. Not like this.

His words echoed in my head. Could he really trust me, I would have done it… and it would have been so easy. Sure, once Jesse’d shown up it had gotten complicated, but that wasn’t Raymond’s point—my conflict had never been what Raymond wanted it to be. Maybe he was right. Maybe he deserved better than me, would be better off without me involved.

(So to answer Sleepy’s question, Raymond’s thoughts here are basically what he said about not being sure he can trust him. Raymond has been defending and forgiving Terran, and something he doesn’t say here is that when he told Jesse to try to talk Terran down, he knew it might not work and that he might be sending his friend to his death. That made Raymond realize that he was forgiving Terran way too much and he felt he needed to draw this line. Raymond’s not sure if he even should like Terran as much as he does, and certainly feels he’s cutting him too much slack, especially when Terran keeps telling him what to do.)

I call this the breakup because even though they’re not together rn I do think of this moment as kinda them breaking up and have referred to it as “When they broke up but not really”

Taglist: @sleepy-night-child @drippingmoon @puzzleddragon02 (you’ve read this scene already though) annnnnnnnd I’m going to superimpose @l-resonant-l to my taglist because I want you to read my stuff

#excerpt #syndicate #chapter 4 #tw killing mention #tw death mention

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booknerdteen · 3 years

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*Spoilery review* 3/5

The lack of diversity in this book (all Sarah J Maas books) is becoming clearer and clearer in every book… I feel like I am starting to dislike Sarah J Maas even though I really enjoy her books - the lack of diversity/representation is killing me. The more we get through her books the clearer it becomes that she isn't going to insert representation (of any kind). From the wide range of characters with different personalities and ethnicities, it is so disappointing. Even A Court Of Silver Flames and House of Earth and blood (Crescent City #1) which are her most recent books. With all the comments and criticism she is getting I thought she would at least add a bit more representation BUT NO. Like usual Sarah J Maas style, she adds one gay character and one black character in Crescent City, and those were just side characters that will probably get killed off in the coming books. This hurts and is super problematic.

I wouldn't be bothered as much as I am rn if I wasn't black or part of the lgbtqia+ community. I would honestly love to see myself represented in Maas's books because she is such an amazing storyteller and knowing that someone you look up to so much actually supports the same things you do or will accept you in real life is the best feeling ever. Every page I turned in this book was a constant reminder of what Sarah believes in and it honestly hurt. A lot. I don't understand what would be so bad with adding a few characters that aren't just WHITE FEMALES with specific taste (white males with no flaws that are probably toxic) into a book that EVERYONE is going to be reading and not kill them off or be that side character that no one likes.

Aelin / Celaena

I loved Celaena and thought she was a super cool badass character in the first two books. But of course, the third book changed everything. I understood that Celaena had to change in order for the plot to work more but Aelin can't just forget about who she was, who she STILL is. I know it's supposed to be a kind of character growth when she's pushing Celaena away but GURL. You've been Celaena for more than 14 years, are you going to just push that out of the way? That sounds more like self-denial to me.. Talking about what's annoying is Aelin's ability to lie so easily every FREAKING MINUTE she is breathing. If she loves and cares about Rowan, Chaol, Aedion, and everyone else then why doesn't she just tell the truth. I get that Sarah uses this as a way to add suspense to the story but it's honestly too annoying, cuz in a way she is lying to us too. Why would I follow a character that is lying to my face and is so untrustworthy? That can be cool sometimes...when the character doesn’t do this EVERY SECOND. And then Aelin gets so offended when people lie to her, like when Elena lied about the fact that the King was still alive... I am now convinced that "Aelin'' might not even be her real name. Or maybe she's not really the Queen of Terrasen. Something else that was annoying was the relationship between Rowan and Aelin.

Rowan & Aelin

DON'T I JUST *HATE* IT WHEN EVERY MALE-FEMALE RELATIONSHIP BECOMES A ROMANCE? Like they were perfectly fine off as friends! Why did Sarah have to ruin this and start a romance!? This wouldn't be annoying if she didn't do this with every MALE. Like with Dorian, Chaol, and now Rowan. And don't even get me started on the toxic masculinity. Reading this from Rowan's point of view actually did the opposite of what it was supposed to do. IT'S MADE HIM TOO ANNOYING FOR ME TO BEAR.

Honestly, their relationship was like me watching Twilight all over again...

After all that negativity, I think we need some good things (thinking of that is very hard right now).

Well... I did enjoy reading about Dorian and Manon. Actually, they were the best part of this book. I enjoyed learning more about the witch clan/world in this book and Asterin. I honestly found more comfort and Manon and Dorian than I did in any of the other characters. So consider Aelin Galathynius off my list of favorite characters.

Overall

I still enjoyed this book, specifically the Manon, Dorian, and Lysandra chapters and I will be continuing the series because I really enjoyed the first three books + I already got myself the entire series (in a pack) 🤦

~Till Next Time!

📚 Ꮢҽαԃ σ⨍⨍ ɾҽαԃҽɾട! 📚

🏷️🏷️🏷️🏷️🏷️🏷️🏷️🏷️🏷️🏷️🏷️🏷️🏷️🏷️🏷️

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b0ttl3d-up-st4rs · 3 years

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Well I'm gonna do what I do best and self reflect to an insane amount. This is probably gonna be a long post so buckle up.

To be honest my behavior for nearly the past year now is concerning to say the least. There's this little voice in my head that just desperately wants to get more and more hurt, more and more traumatized. Why is that? At first glance the negative approach could be to say its some sort of masochistic behavior and any negative repercussions as a result of this behavior is deserved, but I don't really think thats the case.

Self sabotage is a characteristic that can be exhibited in many mentally ill people and I am no exception. I think this behavior, of seeking to be hurt by grown men on the internet is partially self sabotage.

And I remember when I first started this shit show, I just wanted attention. Sounds mean to say, but craving attention is something the human soul desperately wants. And I was starting to feel some sense of self beauty but I didn't feel as though anyone around me was appreciating it so I tried to get attention from grown men because being showered in compliments and attention felt so good when my whole life I've never gotten any of that.

I think there's more too it, though. Looking back my whole life it's almost as if I've wanted to get hurt. In books I liked to sit around with the pain the characters felt. And its almost like I wanted to get traumatized. I've heard that people with trauma that they don't acknowledge is trauma or think its bad enough to be traumatizing seek put worse forms of trauma, in order to feel that pain is valid. And I think that's part of my issue too.

I do have unaddressed and repressed childhood trauma. I was given unrestricted internet at a young age and was exposed to the horrors of the internet. Nothing like straight up porn, but a lot of suggestive content. And in general being exposed to that caused me a lot of catholic guilt as I was raised catholic. I remember feeling like knowing these things were my fault. Many days I felt so guilty that I would pray to god to let me not wake up in the morning.

As a child I also questioned my religion a lot, which i think was traumatic in itself. Religion is a big thing. And as a kid I had a big issue knowing reality from fiction. Heck I still do. I remember as a kid my friend telling me that we were all demigods and one day we were going to run away to camp half blood. That the percy jackson books were real. It sounds stupid now, but I processed that as real and it was so stressful for me.

And I remember being 12 coming out as trans and as a part of the lgbtq community to my parents. They didnt react well. They said I was confused. My mom said I was both too young and too old to know. I fought a lot with my mom. And in general have a lot of unhappy memories from then. I was outed multiple times in my life.

My relationship with my parents still isnt good. My mom has a tendency to be toxic. I hate that I have to stay in the closet around my family its so painful. Like a month ago I mentioned the lgbtq community for the first time in years, asking my mom her opinions on it and if it changed since 2017, and it turned into her yelling at me and making herself a victim. It really hurt. I forgot how much it hurt.

I don't really have much of a relationship with my dad. We barely talk. Hes very emotionally distant. When I'm at my dad's house I sort of fend for myself. Its the exact opposite at my moms house. She's overbearing and never leaves you alone. It's like going between to extremes.

And honestly I can't wait to move out. My mom and I have arguments a lot. But hey at least I have some relationship with her, I don't really have a relationship with my dad.

I remember one time this year, I was during the end of a school semester. I needed to catch up on work because after talking to my abuser for like 5 months and then unlocking him I was left in shambles and fell into a really bad depression to where my motivation for school just disapeared. Im still dealing with that tbh. Anyways I had to go to a online meeting to choose my classes and I didn't get to choose the classes I thought I would be able to, and that made me really upset. But after the meeting I had to go to do am act of kindness (I chose picking up litter at a graveyard cause i like graveyards) for my school project but I was still distraught. If I was given some time to myself I probably wouldve been able to go without issue, but my mom wanted to go immediately. We argued. And when I got there I refused to leave the car because I felt so much like shit. We argued more. It was the worst argument I ever had. She even swore at me. Which she's never done before. And she ended up playing victim again. She does that a lot I guess. And doesn't really listen to my feelings. Whenever I try to communicate about my feelings with her it turns into an argument and she makes it about herself. So yeah our relationship isn't the greatest. And I think having mommy and daddy issues is a trauma in itself. Ppl deserve to have happy healthy supportive families.

Oh right and another trauma I completely forgot (funny how that happens) is when I was 14 and admitted to a mental hospital because I tried to off myself. It was so surreal and they forced me to learn how to make eye contact with people cause apparently thats "how they know im doing ok". Which is kinda fucked considering the fact I recently realized I might be autistic. And eye contact is literally so painful for me. It especially was back then. Anyways the place itself wasnt too bad but the feeling of being trapped overall sucks and being disconnected from the rest of the world isnt fun either. Also I dissociate all the time but I especially dissociated hard thru the whole experience. And sort of made myself into the perfect patient, repeating all their bs and literally lying to myself to convince myself that I was ok so they would let me go. So that was kind of weird.

Anyways I know I have it better than others. And honestly sometimes it's hard to tell what exactly was traumatic in my childhood. I probably forgot and repressed other parts of it too and am forgetting things. But needless to say these unaddressed traumas didn't help my mental state. And i do think that's a big part of the voice in my head begging me to just get hurt more.

Overall my mental state is fucked, It's been really hard for me not to be taken advantage of by another internet pedo. Heck the only reason that isn't happening rn is because no ones dmed me yet. Also I unblocked my old abuser and we are talking again now so thats fun. It definitely doesnt help the cognitive dissonance in my brain of him being actually a nice and supportive dude. I think thats also a part of me wanting to get more traumatized. Since my abuser is a nice person that should counteract all the fucked up sexual things he said to me in the past right? I mean others have it worse, had worse abusers that were actively cruel. That's part of the bitch in my subconscious brain talking. It sucks tbh.

Anyways yeah I probably need therapy but I don't feel comfortable talking about this to my current counselor and honestly its really hard to say out loud. I can talk forever about it by writing it down but the moment I speak words from my dumbass mouth I break down in tears and can't do it. Plus idk, I'm scared if I say anything she'll have to tell my parents and that my phone might be taken away or I'll have less privacy and for a closeted queer where my only current life line is the internet and my online friends: that is a terrifying idea. Idk. I'm fucked basically.

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retvenkos · 3 years

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Okay so I’m personally offended with myself for not having found you earlier? Like, YOURE AMAZING! Your writing is super awesome and I’m glad I finally did find you. Anyways, I was hoping I could request a 🔥 ship/HCs? For BBC Merlin, PJO/HOO, and ATLA (or LOK, whichever you’d prefer or is easier for you). I am bisexual so I’m down to be shipped with whatever gender (although I am kinda leaning towards men rn). I’m a Ravenclaw and my Myers-Brigg personality type is INFP-T. I’m kind of a nerd and I love learning new things. I tried to learn Latin at one point but it was while I was in school and I didn’t finish before the school year was up. I love reading, writing, singing, listening to music, watching movies and watching musicals. I also really love physical affection (both giving and receiving). I love any and all animals SO MUCH. I can be kinda silly sometimes but I know when to get serious. I love having fun with my friends but I also just love the days that I can just sit with them and relax. I’m pretty protective of the people I’m close to. I’m also kind of stubborn. I have a small obsession with dragons and kind of just mythical beings in general. I feel happy when I make others happy. I like helping people when I can. My main love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. If I were a bender in the ATLA/LOK universe, I would be an earth bender. I’m also a sucker for soulmate AUs, which you might have noticed when I was reblogging your stuff earlier. I think that’s all?? If you need anything else, just let me know! And thank you so much!!

PS: CONGRATS ON 2.5k

thank you for your kind words about my blog! i’m glad you like it here, lol. and, as always, disclaimer that it’s been a while since i’ve read pjo and so the headcanons might not be the best. bear with me.

Merlin:

I ship you with Gwen!

alright, i was debating between gwen and sir leon, but i 100% believe gwen is the perfect match-up for you - both of you are sweet and kind yet clever with the potential to be teasing, annoying idiots.

the two of you would get along famously, and you would be the sweetest, most supportive couple - literally everyone wants what you have, and i can’t blame them.

both of you are caring and love your friends dearly, you are the ultimate mom friends. you love to make everyone happy, and so both of you are always looking out for the other.

furthermore, gwen would love to hear all about interests - she loves to hear you talk about your reading and writing, and she loves how you learn with such a fervor. learning something new is a great way to increase the quality of your life, and gwen loves to hear about what you’ve discovered - so much of her day is spent in routine, being a servant and all, so when you can tell her something good - something other than castle gossip, she loves it.

also, i have this headcanon that gwen can sing really well, so you know she loves music. she’ll sing in the early mornings, when the two of you are getting up before the sun itself, and it never fails to make you smile.

i think that both you and gwen have great versatility to your personality - you both can get very excited and giddy but then come back down to earth and be stable and strong. this is good because both of you can support the other in whatever situation you may be up against.

furthermore, you are both witty and teasing. the two of you have a lot of ongoing banter that makes your otherwise monotonous days exciting and fun. you’re upbeat personalities bring joy to your lives, and that’s important.

also, the two of you would be very affectionate toward each other - gwen has no qualms with hugging you or holding your hand, so she is able to accept your affection and return it in a similar manner. and gwen is very good at giving sincere compliments! whenever she praises you, you can’t help but think it’s true.

also, modern! au gwen is an avid movie watcher, so the two of you have marathons together. gwen always brings the popcorn.

PJO/HOO:

I ship you with Travis Stoll!

okay, you cannot tell me that this pairing isn’t chaotic as hell.

you are the smarts to travis’ mischievousness, and the two of you bring a lot of fun to camp half-blood. you help travis and connor with their pranks, but you are also there to make sure that no one gets hurt, because a good prank is one that makes people laugh, but has minimal casualties. (ngl, chb is kind of glad that you and travis got together because the pranks are a lot safer now.)

i definitely think that travis would be the one to bring you out of your comfort zone, but he does it so earnestly, with only the best of intentions, so it’s hard to say no. the two of you go on adventures together and you have a lot of laughs.

the good thing is that you also bring a lot of calm and stability to the relationship - you are one of like two (2) people who can get travis to just,,, chill with you. he likes to play videogames with you, so you hang out a lot in the hermes cabin, legs tangled together as you chill out.

at your core, i think both of you are very determined people, and that’s what initially drew the two of you close together. you both have a fire in your hearts, and while that comes out in different ways, you’re both very ambitious and goal oriented people.

and you know that travis has the greatest taste in music - you are going to be introduced to some very interesting and cool songs. maybe he’ll nick a cd or two for both of you to listen to. and what’s cool about his music taste is that it’s adventurous and all over - he loves everything and so do you.

you both explore and learn about the world in different ways, and you are both incredibly knowledgeable in opposite ways, so when you put your heads together, the genius that comes forth is insane.

i imagine that the two of you hang out in the strawberry fields a lot. you listen to music or talk while walking through the fields, and then travis ends up stealing some of your strawberries and you end up chasing after him (damn his tall legs)

LOK:

I ship you with Mako!

this is the complete opposite of your previous ships, but stick with me for a minute

you are perfect for mako because you can be serious and stable, but at the same time, you can bring out his silly side. mako needs someone who can get down to the core of his being and pull out that happy, childish side of himself that he hasn’t found in a long time. he’s had to grow up fast, and he needs someone who is serious and sincere, but is also lighthearted and oh-so caring.

the two of you are so protective and caring about the ones you love - you’re like the parents of the group who are trying to wrangle your unruly children, and it’s a dynamic i am here for.

and when you encourage some of korra or asami’s wild plans, mako sighs, like “disappointed by not surprised.” but then you bring him to the side with a plan on how to make their optimistic plans more secure, and he’s like,,,, alright.

also, the banter the two of you would have is legendary. mako is known as the #done, sarcastic one, and he was not expecting you to come out with amazing wit, but here you are. the two of you have the best side commentary, and it’s almost a competition now. you’ve yet to get mako to laugh at your well-timed jokes (some of which are terribly corny), but he does crack a wry smile almost every time, so you know it’s only a matter of time.

also, convince me otherwise, but mako is a reader. he likes a lot of historical fiction, but also stories based off of legends, and the two of you will often spend your weekends inside, reading on the couch. he’ll make you lunch and then the two of you will talk about what you’ve read, sitting cross legged with your knees touching. mako is usually a little vague with the details on what he is reading, but what often happens is that he’ll have recommended the book you’re reading, so he’ll listen to you ramble about your favorite parts with a lovestruck smile on his face.

you definitely introduce mako to more music - he’s never been super into music, it was always more bolin’s thing, but he’ll listen with you. he has a few favorites, and you have to coax him into telling you what they are, but he’ll tell you anyway because he’s very much in love.

also! the two of you go to see bolin’s movers, and you whisper to each other throughout the show, making jokes and funny comments, and ngl, bolin gets a little concerned. mako should never enjoy himself so thoroughly, that only ever leads to disaster.

anyway, you would be great for mako because when you two hang out, you bring mako out of his shell, and he is always there to support and protect you, should anything go awry.

i get big vibes of “the serious one is soft for the fluffy one” except both of you are the serious one and the fluffy one, depending on the moment, and you wildly fluctuate between the two.

#2.5k celebration!#celebration #lxncelotships #i hope you like them!

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flowrxchild · 5 years

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🌼Get To Know Me Tag🌼

Thanks @satans-helper for tagging me!!! This is gonna be a long one so if anyone feels it’s necessary, please tell me to shut up! oke doke les do it❤️

1. What’s your middle name?

Olivia!

2. How old are you?

20, very cool and very funky years..

3. When’s your birthday?

January 8th

4. What’s your zodiac sign?

Capricorn 🐏 also an Aries rising, Libra moon if anyone cares lol

5. What’s your favourite colour?

Rn it’s yellow!

6. What’s your lucky number?

Ok I rlly gotta pick one soon cuz I just don’t have one lol

7. Do you have any pets?

Used to have a chubby brown lab but she was an old girl:( BUT recently I have fed a stray cat enough for him to come back everyday so he is now mine by Ricky Law™️

8. Where are you from?

Toronto, Canada baybee

9. How tall are you?

5’5

10. What shoe size are you?

7 and a half? I think?

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Not that many like 5 tops lol

12. What was your last dream about?

Last night I dreamt about going horse back riding?? I woke up like ...she’s a horse girl, I knew it..

13. What talents do you have?

I can draw/paint?? Also I’m a pretty snazzy photographer

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I’m definitely intuitive...I’ve experienced some very strange coincidences in my life...

15. Favourite song?

Jimi Hendrix’ Voodoo Chile

16. Favourite Movie?

Moonrise Kingdom

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

*stares in Josh Kiszka yearn*

18. Do you want children?

Erm not sure yet

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Lol I want whatever the opposite of a church wedding is..

20. Are you religious?

Nope.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes. I’m so clumsy I am a danger to myself at this point...

22. Have you ever gotten in trouble with the law?

No I’m literally a baby chicken and will cry if u raise ur voice at me

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Not formally? I’ve seen a lot of random celebrities just walking around tho cuz I live in a big city

24. Baths or showers?

Showers, practically but I love me a good bath now and again

25. What color socks are you wearing?

Im not wearing any ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ;-) Sam Kiszka tease ;-) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

26. Have you ever been famous?

One time my painting was put into a community art gallery and they took my photo for the local newspaper except they made the centre fold of the page fold into the picture around my face so it got all distorted and it was like when Mike Wazowski was in the Monsters Inc commercial...

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Not rlly..

28. What type of music do you like?

Rock, folk and indie but I will listen to anything

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Yes. Me and my friends do it every year as a cottage tradition!

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3...I need to be snuggled AND supported

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

I don’t sleep unless I curl up into the smallest ball possible like a friggin cat

32. How big is your house?

She smol

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Literally just coffee most days. I love anarchy

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Nope. Don’t have the desire to either.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

I have not but I’ve always wanted to!

36. Favourite clean word?

Cozzy

37. Favourite swear word?

Cunty but like as an adjective

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Not rlly sure...probably only a day. I’m a very sleepy person

39. Do you have any scars?

Yep

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

If I told you, they wouldn’t be secret ;-)

41. Are you a good liar?

No not at all. My face gives it away so badly

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I like to think so. My first impressions of people tend to be true.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Ya but not well ahsgag

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I don’t think I do, but my family from the states always says we have the stereotypical “Canadian accent”.

45. What is your favourite accent?

I loooove Irish accents. I find them very pleasing to hear!

46. What’s your personality type?

INFP-T to be precise

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

My prom dress I think? I got it a Free People for 90$ and at that store, that’s a steal...

48. Can your curl your tongue?

Yeth

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

If this is referring to my belly button then, innie

50. Left or right handed?

Right handed

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Ew ya

52. Favourite food?

Ok my fave food is also my fave foreign food and it’s Indian!

53. Favourite foreign food?

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

messy...ITS CAREFUL CHAOS OK?

55. Most used phrase?

I really am not sure...

56. Most used word?

probably ‘like’. Yes I’m gen Z, yes I have trouble articulating my thoughts. And what about it???

57. How long does it take you to get ready?

I need at least an hour...I like to plan

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I don’t think so??

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

If you bite lollipops, you’re in jail now, I don’t make the law.

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Yes, I’m the funniest person I know.

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Yes, funny you ask, I’m not only the funniest person I know, but also North America’s greatest entertainer!

62. Are you a good singer?

No! But I will preform for myself and the spiders living in my room. Yes, we exist!

63. Biggest fear?

Losing the people I love, being trapped.

64. Are you a gossip?

No yuck i hate it.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

this is too broad and difficult but The Witch. It’s spooky and dramatic.

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I don’t rlly have a preference...

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Probably if I try really really hard lol as a Canadian, this is a good road trip game

68. Favourite school subject?

Art or English!

69. Extrovert or introvert?

Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No but something about makes me anxious

71. What makes you nervous?

I would really love to find something that doesn’t make me anxious. Let’s start with that.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

No! I find it comforting sometimes actually

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Depends. I hate confrontation so I only do it if it really matters...

74. Are you ticklish?

Ok I wanna know who isn’t! Like whomst is not ticklish??

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

I hope not...I would feel very stinky

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

If by authority you mean telling my sister to get out of my unassigned-assigned spot on the couch even though my voice cracks a little as I do it causing her to laugh even harder, than yes.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yes. *police sirens grow closer*

78. Have you ever done drugs?

I have done a weed or 2. Yes

79. Who was your first real crush?

My neighbour lol

80. How many piercings do you have?

3! My ears and also my cartilage! Used to have my septum, but it caused me too many problems so i let it grow over :(

81. Can you roll your R’s?

Ya!

82. How fast can you type?

So fast *spongebob voice* wanna see me do it again?

83. How fast can you run?

I would probably be the first to go in a horror movie

84. What colour is your hair?

Dark brown

85. What colour are your eyes?

Brown

86. What are you allergic to?

Nothing substantial.

87. Do you keep a journal?

Ya I do!

88. What do your parents do?

My mums a school secretary and my dads a fraud investigator

89. Do you like your age?

U know what, ya..I can’t complain.

90. What makes you angry?

Injustice and rudeness

91. Do you like your own name?

Ya I don’t mind it

92. Have you already thought of baby names if so what are they?

I mean I have names that I like but it’s not something I write down so I always forgot lol

93. Do you want a boy or a girl child?

I really couldn’t care less

94. What are your strengths?

Physically, I’m a sack of bones with the upper body strength of a new born baby but I like to think my sense of humour makes me tolerable *finger guns*

95. What are your weaknesses?

I am one frightened human bean.

96. How did you get your name?

Tru story: throughout my moms whole pregnancy, everyone including the doctors were convinced I was gonna be a boy because they could never get a clear look at me in the ultra sounds so my parents had only picked out boy names until I was born to which they changed their choice of “Eric” to Erika :))

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not at all lol

98. Do you have any scars?

Did I already answer this one? I think I did?

99. Colour of your bedspread?

White with pink floral pattern! (From ikea lol)

100. Colour of your room?

It’s an off-white

Ok I wanna tag these lovely beans @pe2chie @turntonightfirelight @camomillacatalina @witchgoddess @blackdressedtinyone 💗💗💗

#tag game #get to know me tag #ty!!

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terri-does-gods-work · 5 years

Text

Somersault (a fic following the events of 3x13)

Disclaimer: I’ve tried to make this as realistic as possible but I can’t really write narrative so here goes; also this is the first fanfic I’ve written djkfhsk

Word count: 2733

Chapter One - Apologise

Seven missed calls from TJ. My notifications show two messages from him:

“Cy, please pick up.”

“It’s not what you think, I swear!”

“He’s texting me again. What do I do?” I ask Buffy and Andi as I shuffle around some baby taters.

“Don’t text him back,” replies Andi.

“Yeah, he needs to feel how you feel,” Buffy adds on.

“But he said, ‘it’s not what you think’! What does he mean?”

Sure, I am undeniably upset that TJ bailed on me for some girl he’d known for, like, two minutes, but I still want to hear his explanation. It might put some things in perspective.

“Does it matter, what happened? He bailed on you. You counted on him and he did a costume with Kira,” started Andi.

“Who he met five seconds ago,” continued Buffy.

“And with the whole gun thing…” Andi trailed off.

“We’ve moved past that,” I said, “Something’s wrong, I can tell.”

“If you’re so sure, then confront him,” Buffy paused for a brief moment, “but we don’t think you should,”

“Yeah, Cyrus, we don’t want you to get hurt again. We don’t want TJ to become a ‘Jonah: Part Two’” Andi continued.

“What? That’s not how it is at all!” I probably wasn’t being very convincing. I really like TJ, and I wish I knew what was going on inside his head when he ditched our amazing costume- which he thought of- for a less-than-minimal effort basketball costume with She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.

Buffy’s phone rang. “I have to go. My mom is calling me home for dinner,”

“I should go, too. I’m meeting Amber. Apparently, I still need some more ‘rage relief’” said Andi.

I let out a fake chuckle as they leave The Spoon and unlock my phone. My thumbs hover over the keyboard on my chat with TJ. I have no idea what to say. Realising he’s online, I say the first thing that comes to my head. “What is it, then?” I type, instantly regretting how passive-aggressive that sounds. But almost immediately he replies, “It’s hard to explain over text. Meet me by the swings in ten?”

I say “Okay” and leave some cash on the table before leaving the diner.

By the time I reach the park TJ is already sitting on the swings, not swinging. He probably heard my footsteps because he suddenly looked my way.

“I’m sorry,” he starts, before I can even open my mouth, “I wasn’t thinking, and I shouldn’t have gone with Kira. Especially without telling you first.”

“So why did you do it?” I asked, still confused, “it was your idea to do the costume together in the first place!”

TJ sighed before asking, “Do you hate me?”

His eyes were filled with worry and he looked at me, hoping for a response. I look away. I start to turn on my heel to walk away. That was some explanation, I thought.

“Before you walk away, please, just give me a chance to explain,” I turn back to face TJ.

“Isn’t that why you called me here?” I replied, curter than I wanted, but it seemed to do the trick.

TJ sighs and stands up, “Kira came by after you left and asked me to do a costume with her,”

“I already know how this goes, TJ, I don’t need to hear it from you after having lived it last week,”

“Cyrus, please. Hear me out,”

I shrug and sit down on the swing next to his.

“Kira came by after you left and asked me if I wanted to do this ‘really cool’ costume with her. I told her that I was already doing one with you, but she wouldn’t let up. Then she asked me if I would rather do a costume with her or with you and—”

“And you picked her,”

“No, that’s not it! She said, ‘have fun with that’, and started walking away. I wanted to know what she meant, so I caught up to her,” TJ paused and took a deep breath before saying, “She has something on me. Something I thought I was fine with, but apparently, I’m not. And she told me she would tell people if I didn’t do the costume with her.”

I could feel my eyes involuntarily widen, “TJ, you know you can tell me anything. I’m—”

He turns away from me and looks straight ahead, “Honestly, of all people, I’m the most scared about telling you,” he started shaking. He fiddles with his fingers for a while before sitting back down beside me. He stares at the grass below his feet.

I could hear my heart beating out of my chest. Was he? There was no way. The biggest jock in the school could never be- it just doesn’t make sense.

“TJ?”

TJ looked up from the ground and into my eyes. As if it was even possible, my heart raced even faster. Was I really about to tell him? I wonder if TJ can tell how nervous I am. Not right now, I thought.

“Why didn’t you call?”

“I swear, I was going to, but I didn’t know what to say. I don’t know how to tell you what happened,”

“Well, I have something to tell you, too,”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I need to take a minute before I continue, “but you’re the one person I don’t know how to say it to, either,”

“I guess we both have stuff,” TJ shrugs, before looking back at the ground.

“I guess we do,” I reply, trying to deconstruct TJ’s countenance.

We swing in complete silence until TJ’s phone beeps.

“I have to go,” says TJ as he gets off the swing.

“Was that Kira?” I ask.

He began to say something, but I cut him off, “I get it.”

I start to walk away, but as I do so, he is all I can think of. I turn back to see TJ walking in the opposite direction, before carrying on with my journey home.

Chapter Two – Me Too

When I get home, I open the GHC group chat and begin to type:

Me: Don’t be mad, but I talked to TJ.

Andi: And?

Cyrus: He said Kira made him do the costume but idk anymore.

Buffy: He didn’t say why? I should’ve known Kira was behind this.

Cyrus: He said she has something on him, but he wouldn’t tell me what it was.

Buffy: TJ Kippen isn’t telling the truth? Shocking.

Andi: He still could have called.

Cyrus: He said he didn’t know what to say and he seemed genuine.

Buffy: Like when he used to say that I was right, just to get his way?

Andi: Have you spoken to him since then?

Cyrus: He keeps texting me saying he wants to explain but he never seems to have the words.

Cyrus: And sometimes, neither do I.

Buffy: What do you mean?

Cyrus: I almost told him. I almost said it. Luckily, I didn’t, or that would have been a big mistake.

Andi: You weren’t ready. It’s okay. He needs to sort himself out first, anyway. I don’t want you putting yourself in harm’s way.

Cyrus: I’m not, I promise.

Cyrus: I should go, it’s dinner time.

***

After dinner I check my phone. Ten messages from TJ:

TJ: are you still mad at me?

TJ: I understand if you are

TJ: I’d be mad at me too

TJ: but please talk to me

TJ: I just want to know if you’re okay

TJ: I know I haven’t been a good friend lately

TJ: I really want to tell you

TJ: I just don’t know how to say it

TJ: cyrus please say something

I hold my breath as I open the chat.

Me: I don’t know what I feel rn.

TJ: cyrus I want to talk to you

TJ: in person

Me: Idk, I’ve been kind of busy lately.

TJ: tell me when you’re free

Me: Ok.

***

The next day, Andi, Buffy and I walk side by side down the corridor of Jefferson Middle School. We part ways to get to our lockers. I see TJ standing by mine and stop in my tracks. I take a deep breath before continuing, not making any eye contact with him.

“I have something to tell you,” said TJ.

“If it’s about Kira again, I don’t want to hear it,” I open my locker and take out my books.

“It’s not. It’s about me,”

I shut my locker and stare at TJ.

“Kira found out—”

Really? I thought, “I should have known! Kira, Kira, Kira. You’ve barely known her a week and she’s all you can talk about! What does sh—”

“Cyrus, Kira found out that I like boys!” TJ shouts.

I don’t know what to say. TJ Kippen. Gay. Like me.

“You…” “Yeah,”

“You mean you’re—”

“Yes, I am.”

“TJ,” I began.

“I have to go,” TJ hurriedly walked away, panting and shaking. I watched as he did, dumbfounded.

I could barely concentrate the rest of the day. Andi and Buffy were constantly trying to bring me back down to Earth. I still don’t know how I feel about this. Happy? Relieved? For one, I was worried for TJ. God, I can’t believe Kira is that awful of a human being. At least I understand why he did what he did to me.

During lunch, I sat with Buffy and Andi, per usual.

“Did you see TJ today?” questioned Andi.

“I hope not. That boy is trouble,” I try to interrupt Buffy, but she continues, “And paired with Kira? I can’t even imagine,”

Oh, if only they knew.

I look at Andi and shake my head, “no”.

“He’ll come around. He always seems to,” Andi paused, “for you,”

I think I saw a little smirk across Andi’s face, but I’m not sure. Buffy kicks Andi under the table.

“Huh?” I say.

“Nothing, don’t worry,” replies Buffy.

And just like that, there goes the lunch bell.

As we walk out of the cafeteria, I catch a glimpse of TJ sitting alone, out of the corner of my eye. He sees me, too, and walks away as fast as he can. I hope he doesn’t think I’m homophobic, because I’m the exact opposite of that! Homo…philic? I thought to myself, making myself chuckle out loud, receiving strange looks from Andi and Buffy.

***

The day goes on. I’m still befuddled by TJ. I go home by myself (making up a half-hearted excuse for not going to The Spoon with the rest of the GHC) and collapse on my bed. I take out my phone and check my messages. Nothing from TJ. I open our chat and look through the messages before typing, “Hey, can we talk?”

TJ, as usual, responds within milliseconds, “At the park?”

“You know the place.”

This time we reach the park at the same time. We walk towards each other, hesitation in every step. I wriggle my hands in my pockets. I can feel them become sweatier by the second. When we meet, neither of us break the silence. TJ turns and we start walking in the same direction.

After a minute of silence, TJ says, monotonously, “I know what you’re going to say,”

“You do?” I ask.

“You’re going to say that I’m ‘too young’ and that I don’t know what I’m doing, or that it’s ‘just a phase’. But it’s not, Cyrus and—”

I really can’t have TJ, of all people, thinking I’m homophobic, “TJ, I was going to say that I’m proud of you. Because I am,”

“You are? Kira said—”

“What Kira said doesn’t matter,” that name leaves a bitter taste on my tongue, “You’re you. And no one else can tell you who that is,”

A faint smile appears across TJ’s face, forming wrinkles at the corners of his mouth. He is so cute, I think to myself.

“But that’s not all I wanted to say,” I guess there’s no time like the present, right?

“Oh?” I notice TJ’s smile fade.

I stop walking, TJ soon realises and stops, too.

“You know how you just said—”

“Yeah, I know” he interrupts me, afraid.

I take a deep breath before saying, “I am, too.”

“You are?” TJ’s eyebrows furrow.

Well, I don’t really hide it, but yes, I thought, “Just like you,” I half-smile and look TJ in the eyes. His beautiful, green eyes.

“Do Andi and Buffy know?”

“Yes,”

“And Jonah?”

“Him, too.”

“I see,” TJ’s expression doesn’t waiver, “when did you—”

“At my bar mitzvah… and at my grandmother’s shiva,”

“Is this what you wanted to tell me at the swings the other day?” asked TJ.

“Is this what you wanted to tell me at the swings the other day?”

We look at each other, visibly anxious but smiling, and continue our walk.

Does this mean I have a chance with TJ Kippen? There’s no way.

Chapter 3 – Confess

Over the weekend, I barely hung out with Andi and Buffy. Which I should have felt bad about, but I was too busy with TJ. We were together pretty much the whole weekend. He even slept over. But the whole time I wished we were “together” in another sense. I still walked to school with the rest of the GHC on Monday, however.

“You and TJ seem to be spending a lot more time together,” Andi states.

“Yeah, I thought you guys still hadn’t worked out the Costume Day thing,”

“You talked to him?” asks Andi.

“It’s complicated,” I reply, “I can’t tell you everything,”

“Cyrus, you can tell us anything, you know that,” says Buffy.

“I know, but it’s not my story to tell. What I can tell you is that… I told TJ,”

“You did? That’s great, Cy!” Andi practically starts jumping up and down, “What did he say?”

“Not much,”

“Oh,” says Buffy, disappointed. I could tell she kind of started to like TJ.

“No! That’s not bad! He didn’t mind. Like Jonah’s reaction, or lack thereof,”

“I guess Kira didn’t poison him after all,” says Andi.

Yeah, Kira.

The bell rang and we went to our classes. Buffy and Andi had the same class and didn’t bother to keep their conversation secret as I walked away.

“Do you think Cyrus likes TJ?” asks Buffy.

Am I that obvious? Gosh.

“Buffy! He’s still in earshot!”

I’m always in earshot- they’re so loud.

“Ok, ok!”

They wait for a few seconds before continuing, “Yes, I do. Does Cyrus know, though?”

“He has to! They’re his feelings,”

“Feelings are weird,”

“I’ll ask him after school,”

“Buffy?”

“Don’t worry, I won’t be harsh.”

They started talking about Jonah or something after this.

***

After school I checked my phone.

Buffy: So… TJ?

Cyrus: What about him?

Buffy: Do you like him?

Cyrus: Yeah. He apologized and we put all that stuff behind us.

Buffy: That’s good.

Buffy: So, do you like him?

Cyrus: I just told you.

Cyrus: What are you getting at?

Buffy: Oh, nothing. Just wondering if you like him.

Cyrus: Like him like what?

Buffy: Like… how you like Jonah?

Cyrus: I think so.

Buffy: This is great!

Cyrus: Why?

She didn’t reply.

***

I hear a knock at the door and rush to open it. It’s TJ. My heart starts beating at the speed of light. Are you allowed to call yourself whipped?

I let him in, and we go downstairs, to my game room. I get out the table tennis racquets and hand one to TJ, along with the ball. He looks… anxious.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

TJ rolls the plastic ball in his hand, “I think I like you,” his shaking hands serve me the ball, but I let it bounce off the table.

“Me?” Me?

“Is there anyone else here?” TJ asked.

“I guess not,” I respond, unable to process what was just said. I pick up the ball from the ground and serve back. As it bounces across the net, I realise that I had to say it, “I think I like you, too.”

Once again, the ball bounced off the table.

“Me?”

“Do you see anyone else in the room?”

TJ lets out a nervous laugh and I do the same.

“What does this mean?” I ask.

“I don’t know,” he sighs, “I guess we’ll have to find out.”

#andi mack #tyrus #hc #fanfic #this is how im coping #this hiatus is killing me #already

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years

Text

posts about things with absolutely no introduction but it's because i was reminded of the topic the other day

this one's for those of us in the lifelong isolation no friends society, i know sometimes there's other people out there!! anyways i've been thinking about how like, personally, obviously, b/c idk how other ppl do it b/c we aren't friends with each other lol, its just a fuckin wild thing to deal with in part cuz its one of those answers to which there's not necessarily any Right Way to handle things or Answer or Solution or anything. isolation p much = more isolation and plus not having friends makes ppl less likely to socialize with you so that's rough; anyways yknow, the point is just oops you can't Choose to like, obtain a friend. u can try to get ppl interested but you can't control it beyond that, so, yknow

anyways what am i getting to? yeah so i've never had close friends in that i was never able to share personally honest things anyways for the longest time for a couple reasons, and also, people just didn't like me. the double whammy of "oh no its abuse" and "oh no you're lowkey socially ostracized by your peers from preschool on without end" is like, good luck to little me getting friends! i had sort-of friends in like a couple ppl who'd hang out with me regularly and on occasion we'd go to each others houses or smthing but it wasnt able to be like, the normal fun event it should. oh well. middle school was a little better and a little worse but i didnt keep up w ppl cuz i went to a different school later and its that situation where you're friends-ish Because you're at the same school right...smh...didnt thrive in college magically, but one essential thing was i was away from home more often than not so, that was real important ultimately. but anyways in the end i had like a handful of college friends-ish (accepted by other friends groups lol) and theres a couple of them i still talk to now and again

so like, yknow, friends, mostly friendly acquaintances, my siblings i'd classify as friendly acquaintances, i'm very glad about all of them really. just unfortunately i've only just started to have friendships that are like a decade old and the "longtime close" friendship is nonexistent b/c college is just four years and then you go other places, and i'm not at the heart of friend groups and not "good" at communication in other ways so its hard to keep in touch in ways. smh!!

funnily enough i'm also not good at internet stuff though it's been absolutely essential, god knows. that's why i'm able to talk to anyone rn!! but i can't do group chats and i only like approaching things "one on one" aka i don't like feeling like im in the midst of a group even outside group chats. if you get what i'm saying. like even back being in the small early mh fandom of like, three dozen ppl, in retrospect i didnt like having to be in the entire Group yknow. lemme just be over here. which is what i do now.

anyways for additional reasonsl, communicating has been trickier these past few years and for the most part its been kind of a situation where i wasn't necessarily going to get to talk to someone every day, though usually it'd maybe only be like, a gap of a day or two. and anyways, the thing is that, over the past ten years especially its started to be Distressing like wanting friends, not as much having them, and also having it be more obvious that there was some kind of deficiency keeping me from having (and having had) friends like other people did. not fun! but what i'm getting around to here, whats been wild, is just this like, decade-ish (or two decade-ish if you want) Personal Effort to just figure out how the fuck to stop having to feel like shit about it all the time right? then you're lonely AND stressed and probably self loathing also

so like yeah, the thing is that the other day something was going on about like, yknow, the idea of the longtime close friend with a steadfast presence in your life, and that's just always like, lfjdglmao what!!! sounds nice. i had a friend for a week in second grade and im not sure we ever spoke and then the teacher made us sit on opposite sides of the classroom and it was too embarrassing to be friends anymore. that's kinda close but lol for real......it's not only the lack of friends to tackle but also like, i don't assume to have friends in the future. it's something that like, i would obviously theoretically want, and be happy if it happened, but i can't say i hope for it, because that implies too much being expectant or whatever. and it's weird!! its a weird time just kind of presuming friendlessness until otherwise occurs. and it's not great, i'm definitely still unhappy about all this shit. its just that i've also like, been able to shave off how distressing the issue mightve been in earlier years yknow

like it sounds all depressing to say like, i've just had to be less emotionally invested in the whole thing, but it's kind of true. not by ignoring it or ignoring the feelings so much as like...just acknowledging that this is how it is and there's only so much i can do but not hating myself about it is a start. and yeah it's like "oh, feeling less, depressing" but also frankly when i decided also that its less horrible to be friendless than to feel stuck w crap ppl / ppl who you aren't too important to / etc, i figured that i'd also rather be friendless and just enjoy being myself than try to make myself easier to talk to. i'm not like intimidating or anything, i just can't hold a conversation. but i'm not very interested anymore in trying to convince ppl to like me, yknow, i'm out here, and if i'm ever going to have friends i'd like them to be people to like me For Who I Am, wipe tear. what i'm just saying is "a weird dumbass" b/c its just vague social weirdness that ppl don't necessarily like, loathe, but probably they'd rather talk to someone else. i'm not great at socializing stuff, like i said, hence social rejection since age 4

oh and i meant to say!! i've been able to turn up my emotions by turning down my investment in the idea of Needing To Always Be Trying To Make Friends b/c, as anyone might know, all i like to do is talk at great length about whatever weird, niche shit i'm into at any given point. and that's pretty much it. i'm not pretending to be deep by not really knowing how to do small talk. lmao you guys know what i'm talking about. and obviously not everybody is into Getting Enthusiastic or super focused on whatever weird thing at any point, and i'm not Into getting my passion all fired up and being brushed off or anything, so we can all avoid each other, and i get to continue entertaining myself

so that's a way i've been able to turn my feelings up actually lol.....dunno how to segue into it so i won't but it's also just like, not saying that i Truly Don't Care about not having friends, or that it doesn't hurt that i've had this relative friendless past and the futures looking bleak, b/c it does!! it's still distressing. but like, its turned down. the whole general issue can be a very Bitter one for sure!!!! and it has been in the past sometimes and like.....it's still there basically, i've just been able to turn down the volume a lot on a bunch of these shit feelings like "that's upsetting" or "i'm bitter about that" and just kind of calmly let it simmer back down b/c i'm sort more familiarish with what sets it off and more familiar with Dealing With It Always overall

no idea if i've made the point i was setting out for there. dealing with the No Friends Isolation Life society life is not fun but we're out here, sometimes. it continues to be not fun. "oh well," is an often relevant sentiment. c'est la vie. c'est ce que c'est? i think. and i think it's nice that after years and years of just like, struggling to figure this shit out myself, and probably feeling like shit most of the time, i've at least managed to go "shh" at some Bad Feelings. definitely still there. but this time it doesn't heap extra shittiness on top b/c of having to deal with the intensity of it and feel bad about that too etc etc. it's all weird! getting more familiar with dealing with some shit which is just, the way that it is in part because of bad luck and of course i'm jealous of everybody who does have friends. but oh well. b/c c'est la vie. im also glad for everybody who has friends, obv. it's all complicated!! which is just part of why this post exists. it has no real point, i'm just kinda going like, weird, huh? and kind of good, and kind of a bummer. oh well

also im aware this is a suddenly long, technically depressing post at like circa midnight for a lot of people, but basically this is just me in normal mood. sometimes it's depressing posts time out of nowhere, but i'm not especially depressed!! nighttime is just more of my Peak Hours. night owl 4 life. thanks

oh and ps. another thing i would think about (with more distress in the past, and like, no distress now) is that its also funny cuz, one thing i’ve generally had to do is be aware that it’s a bigger deal for you (me) to get a new Friend than it is for them to be getting you as a friend, b/c math says so. and so i’ve had to push myself to not be overly hopeful or invested in order to be both fair to them and myself. and nowadays that’s just kind of how i view the no-friends-ness of it all, like. i’m not mad that i’m not for some reason way closer to anybody i know. why would i be. and i don’t expect anybody to think like “oh my god we have to be Good Friends” because like. not in a self deprecating way but like, why would any random person want that. and i dont expect to be better friends with ppl im just casual friends with, which is great, cus like Friendly Acquaintances and other lite friendships are fantastic and im very grateful. but i am aware there’s plenty of reasons making it difficult to just like, pick up a Close Buddy and i’m not like “oh i demand one from somewhere, from some reason.” so what i am trying to say is that keeping my expectations honestly realistic is an effort to be fair to both other ppl and myself and i think it works. no friends!! we out here!!!!

#long post ////#long and incoherent lord knows. whatevs #its midnight...the no Purposeful Writing hours.......#(bat emoji)

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wildfangz · 5 years

Photo

@liliithvatore tagged me in that simself thing thats been goin around DAYS ago but here it finally is! also thank you for the tag this was fun :-]

I tag @slythersim @thelurgoyf @seoulchii @weicyn @solitasims @daisydezem @raha-plays-the-sims if they want to do it & anyone that just wants to do it in general! message me and I’ll even @ u directly if u want.

anyway lets DO THIS shitload of questions under the cut u’ve been warned!!!

1. what is your name?

julian

2. what is your nickname?

jewel, jules

3. birthday?

oct 26th

4. what is your favorite book series?

percy jackson and the olympians will probably always own my heart & soul

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

yes & yes. tho i do think a lot of alien sightings and conspiracy theories and what not are bullshit

6. who is your favorite author?

maggie stiefvater probably? also cornelia funke but its been years since ive read anything by her so i cant be sure BUT i loved inkheart & the thief lord so much

7. what is your favorite radio station?

ummm when i listen to the radio at all i kinda just switch between two rock stations and our popular music station.

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?

blue raspberry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tasty and i love a blue tongue

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

cool. or bitchin’. i play it simple

10. what is your current favorite song?

hands like houses - revive

11. what is your favorite word?

roulette and inhibition which i never get to use either as much as i want !

12. what was the last song you listened to?

emarosa - givin’ up ! its a bop!

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

the new she-ra on netflix its so good. and gay

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

moana. its also like the only movie i dont have trouble getting thru despite how many times ive already seen it

15. do you play video games?

16. what is your biggest fear?

idk... being inherently unlovable i guess n ending up alone? also spiders !

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?

im fairly open-minded and laid back. Unless someones being like, purposely nasty or something I generally don’t get defensive or aggressive. also a lot of little quirks that piss others off dont bother me im very u do u as long as its not actually harming anyone and ive had people tell me this makes it easier to open up to me so thats probably my best quality....

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?

....at the same time though i do get very sensitive when faced w/ criticism even if its of the fair variety when its not phrased really gently for various reasons and i dont like that. especially since I have a tendency to not even talk to people about it. I’ll just immediately start distancing myself. also other than that i think overall I have a really high tolerance lvl but if you cross that line I hold a grudge like a motherfucker

9. do you like cats or dogs better?

cats! dogs are good too but cats are a lot easier for me to handle...and quieter generally but even when they’re loud cat sounds dont get to me quite as much as barks do

20. what is your favorite season?

autumn but im starting to really like summer for some reason? wack :/

21. are you in a relationship?

nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood?

the lack of responsibility, probably. that sounds real bad lmao but for me its like...I know I’ve grown in various ways over the years but I also feel like so many of my experiences, my trauma, my mental health has held me back and I don’t think I’m mentally where I should be for my age. so all the responsibility of adulthood is just..really overwhelming for me sometimes, even though ive been given a pass from certain aspects of it and the rest is pretty simple its the idea!!!!

23. who is your best friend?

my ex

24. what is your eye color?

25. what is your hair color?

26. who is someone you love?

my mom

27. who is someone you trust?

not really anyone rn unfortunately...would like 2 work on that

28. who is someone you think about often?

are my OCs a fair answer because i am always thinking about my babies.....

29. are you currently excited about/for something?

my favorite webcomic (that also has two of my all time favorite characters in it) just came back!! the artist disappeared back in 2015 like the day after I binge-read the whole fucking thing & i was so disappointed but its BACK and 2018 has been redeemed

30. what is your biggest obsession?

sims probably! i could talk about anything relating to it for hours

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?

there were so damn many its hard to even think and figure out the most notable ones...i really, really liked teen titans though?

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

my ex, again

33. are you superstitious?

not terribly so but somewhat. I take certain things as signs and I mean I do believe in astrology & such to a degree

34. do you have any unusual phobias?

i used to be afraid of mirrors but thats all i can think of and its not even a thing anymore...the only other thing is tornadoes but i dont think its unusual. but it definitely sucks for me ‘cause i live in tornado alley!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

behind it....like taking pretty pictures and dont like ppl capturing my image 2 film

36. what is your favorite hobby?

sims.....also singing!!! and drawing!!!! video editing!!!!!!!!! the works

37. what was the last book you read?

The Dream Thieves....havent finished it though because last time i went to read it a spider was lying in wait and im traumatized

38. what was the last movie you watched?

coco i think???

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?

drums, various other percussion instruments, and violin mainly

40. what is your favorite animal?

ferrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow?

uhhhhh @bratsims @liliithvatore @cabsim @wildlyminiaturesandwich @keysims pls dont feel bad if i didnt include u these were just the first to pop into my head and ive been following some of them since I first made my blog!! and have kept up with their stories completely and enjoy them etc check them OUT !

42. what superpower do you wish you had?

shapeshifting!!! dysphoria? gone. ugliness? gone. want to morph into a fucked up clown and scare people when they realize all the classic clown features are a real actual part of my face? possible!

43. when and where do you feel most at peace?

chillin’ at the pool in summer during the part of the day when no ones there.... swimming is always relaxing 2 me then i love just resting under the sun and drying off afterwards especially since we have a little pond nearby and i can hear the water! its nice

44. what makes you smile?

always and without fail? interacting with anyone i have a crush on. i’ll look like a dope the whole time

45. what sports do you play, if any?

i used 2 play basketball a lot. Like not seriously but it was a thing

46. what is your favorite drink?

dr pepper and monster energy (original flavor) pumps through my veins at this point. we love a carbonated beverage

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

two years ago for my ex and I’s first year anniversary... I never got it mailed but I did at least take a picture of it (with included caption because my handwriting is atrocious). i was very up front about being a romantic and see heres the PROOF

48. are you afraid of heights?

nope! very excited by them actually

49. what is your biggest pet peeve?

i cant stand passive aggressive behavior. my stance is either get over it or quit acting like a bitch because otherwise im just going to ignore you thats the scorpio way (in all seriousness I really, really do recommend not putting up with it and ignoring it until they decide to be up front with you. it can be exhausting constantly reading into conversations and its not healthy for you or them. if they have something to say they need to learn to talk about it properly, and that lack of social skills is not ever on you)

50. have you ever been to a concert?

yep! i think about....six or so? i love them...which is really funny im autistic and EVERYTHING about them should freak me out and they do in other circumstances but at a show i just live for it

51. are you vegan/vegetarian?

nope! ive thought before id like to go vegetarian...but i couldnt do it with my health problems. also i love shrimp too much

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

ive always wanted to do something creative! when i was rlly young I thought a lot about singing and acting and writing in particular...all things im still interested in.... also i wanted to be a dictator ages 4-7 because i told my mom i wanted to be president of the world and make people do what i say and she said “honey thats a dictator not a president”. i then made that known at school and that turned into a situation!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in?

pokemon universe or bust.

54. what is something you worry about?

never being able to do things i want to do or catching up with others because of my disabilities

55. are you scared of the dark?

yes but a reasonable amount i think

56. do you like to sing?

yes :]

57. have you ever skipped school?

yes i used to play sick a LOT and as my parents caught onto it id even go all out to convince them. i was good at school but i hated it so much

58. what is your favorite place on the planet?

dunno! malls maybe i love shopping and looking at material objects i wish to own

59. where would you like to live?

oregon! portland in particular thats been my dream for a few years now

60. do you have any pets?

a cat! he lives with my dad & grandma though...hes grown up there and likes going outside so I felt bad about taking him with me when i moved out but anyway this is him hes fat and stupid and i love him his name is coffee

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl because my rhythm is all fucked up but in my heart....an early bird...if i get a good nights sleep i’ll be up early yacking your ear off and so excited for the day

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

sunsets are prettier...but sunrises feel more refreshing

63. do you know how to drive?

nope ! im gay !

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

headphones. better sound quality also discourages people from talking to me slightly more

65. have you ever had braces?

nope! but i need them

66. what is your favorite genre of music?

post-hardcore maybe?

67. who is your hero?

every trans person living their truth and being open and loud about who they are past present & future. the worlds not particularly kind to us and our existence alone is considered a radical act, so its always given me hope to see others refusing to pretend to be someone they’re not in this environment and I’ll always have mad respect for that

68. do you read comic books?

i read manga and webcomics...ive always wanted to get into superhero comics but the amount of issues and different versions is ridiculous and makes it inaccessible 2 me

69. what makes you the most angry?

i mean its hard to pinpoint what makes me angry the MOST...but a contender is definitely how some people feel free to treat others with cruelty and think its their god given right to deny or attack someones existence in some way, & how acts of kindness, even the most basic are branded as liberal bullshit or whatever....it goes against everything i was taught growing up

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

real book! electronic device can be easier but....rough on the eyes after a while and nothing beats the real thing for me

71. what was your favorite subject in school?

language arts...at least when we did creative writing stuff

72. do you have any siblings?

two older sisters & an older brother that passed away years ago but. still my brother u kno

73. what was the last thing you bought?

mocha frappe baby!!!!!

74. how tall are you?

5′4″

75. can you cook?

a little bit....not as much as id like to though but im learning

76. what are three things that you love?

storms, cheesy breadsticks, and cat purrs

77. what are three things that you hate?

unnecessary rudeness, being talked down to or generally treated like im stupid, grapefruit which is the worst thing on this list

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends?

female i think?

79. what is your sexual orientation?

im the big bad promiscuous bisexual your parents warned you about

80. where do you currently live?

oklahoma. gofundme campaign to get me out

81. who was the last person you texted?

my friend jojo! just Now!

82. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday afternoon but im a changed man now thats behind me. i will cry about different things soon

83. who is your favorite youtuber?

the mcelroy brothers. also super best friends play. matt, pat & woolie are all great tbh

84. do you like to take selfies?

depends on whether i feel ugly or terribly dysphoric that day or not

85. what is your favorite app?

ummmm....love live school idol festival ive been playin for years its an addiction

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

dad = bad mom = okay. theres some issues that strain it but its not too bad

87. what is your favorite foreign accent?

i have no idea what the fuck australians are talking about half the time but i dig it anyway

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

Italy, Greece, Germany, Japan, Mexico, various other states (ive only been out of state three times. twice to texas and then once to kansas. for five minutes)

89. what is your favorite number?

6!! 26 also

90. can you juggle?

ive always wanted to but alas.... :-[

91. are you religious?

i suppose...but im rlly not into organized religion

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

space probably theres so fucking much of it man!

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

not to brag but sometimes i eat my mcdonalds hamburgers cold from the fridge so you can figure that one out yourself B)

94. are you allergic to anything?

pecans. not deathly allergic though so catch me eating turtle pie anyway!

95. can you curl your tongue?

nope :[

96. can you wiggle your ears?

nope :[

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

usually as soon as i realize....unless someones being real smug and annoying then i might be stubborn about it

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach?

ive never been to the beach but i love her!!!

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

probably that you have to look at your accomplishments differently when you’re disabled or just struggling, to not be so down on yourself because its a fact that what might be a mole hill to someone else is a mountain to you and you have to judge yourself accordingly. Like maybe you weren’t able to clean the whole house, but washing the dishes and tidying your desk doesn’t usually get done but you did it. That that should be celebrated because while it would also feel good if you did more, you still did something and thats great all things considered.

100. are you a good liar?

sometimes, really depends what im lying about and if im like....into it at all. If my guts against it for whatever reason I’ll have trouble

101. what is your hogwarts house?

i always get slytherin or hufflepuff! usually with like 1 point difference

102. do you talk to yourself?

i am talking to myself right now as i fill this out

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert?

extrovert mainly! i used to think i was more introverted but now i think a lot of exhaustion when theres any comes from me just going the extra mile and actively trying to read people and pick up on social ques.... if I just chill im fine

104. do you keep a journal/diary?

nope...ive tried but i just cant keep up with it so i do the next best thing. shouting into the void on the internet to a bunch of strangers

105. do you believe in second chances?

depends on what you did the first time. Some people just don’t deserve taking that risk imo...but i can be a little guarded so maybe thats a bit too harsh

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

turn it in, unless there was no identifying things in it & it was found somewhere kinda random. Then I’d maybe hold onto it unless my gut challenged that

107. do you believe that people are capable of change?

absolutely. i mean thats all we do throughout our lives is change and evolve...that being said I think extremely drastic changes are maybe not entirely impossible, but extremely rare, and the residue of the former self usually sticks around in some form

108. are you ticklish?

yes, dangerously so

109. have you ever been on a plane?

nope

110. do you have any piercings?

one day hopefully!

111. what fictional character do you wish was real?

asra from the arcana.....even if he wasn’t my boyfriend thats just a dude u could chill and eat some pomegranates with u know. Before I downloaded the app my friends kept telling me he was made for me and he really was he ticks like everything on my Favorite Characters Feature List except villain but he has that particular allure & attitude i like so much in villains so thats not a single point off hes perfect

112. do you have any tattoos?

nope...one day! hopefully!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

accepting my genderqueerness and bisexuality definitely. Self Love hasn’t been perfected just yet but that was such a huge step in the right direction

114. do you believe in karma?

yes! she doesn’t get shit done as much as id like however

115. do you wear glasses or contacts?

glasses. not contacts yet because my eye doctor is a bitch

116. do you want children?

I do....just not sure if id be a good parent. Its really important to me if I had a child itd be for the right reason and I could raise them well in a healthy environment & be able to take care of all their needs yknow

117. who is the smartest person you know?

probably my friend jojo

118. what is your most embarrassing memory?

one time i looked outside and the sunset was really pretty and i wanted to get a photo of it so i walked out.....and stood like right by the street so there weren’t trees in my way...and then i realized mid-pic 1) i am not wearing pants & my shirt is full of holes 2) id been depressed for days so my hair was a tangled mess. I tailed it back inside so i didnt even get a nice pic it was blurry!

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

120. what colour are most of you clothes?

black i didnt even have to think about that one

121. do you like adventures?

they are pretty swell

122. have you ever been on tv?

a few times when i was little. always photobombing the news reporters 4 what i thought would eventually lead 2 fame & fortune

123. how old are you?

124. what is your favorite movie quote?

this is technically lyrics to that lil song in moana at the end but

“ They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you.”

hits me hard every time! emotional impact? i know her

125. sweet or savory?

sweet!!!!!!!! gotta balance out my bitter somehow

#tag meme #about #srry if theres any weird grammar or spelling going on half of this was written when i had a monster headache #and was doing everything but laying down!!!!

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rosecolored-gay · 6 years

Note

Answer the questions bitch

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

- Prob Rach when I was playing with her fingers and being a pain in the ass.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

- I seem outgoing but I’m generally shy in larger groups.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

- My family is coming from GA on Friday!

4. Are you easy to get along with?

- I can be, I try to be.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

- Mhm

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

- Ones that can make me laugh so hard I cry, who can make me smile even when I don’t want to. Someone genuine.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

- I don’t know, I can’t predict the future. I’m just going with the flow.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

- Tom Holland, because I just rewatched his Lip Sync Battle video again for the millionth time.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

- Not usually, but around certain people it does.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

- Rach

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

- “But i hope you enjoy” to Rach

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

- 1. Panic! At the Disco - This is Gospel, 2. Hayley Kiyoko - Curious, 3. Halsey - Is there somewhere, 4. The All-American Rejects - I For You, 5. Tyler Glenn - Shameless

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

- I love it, but there’s very few people who I allow to do so.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

- Not really, no.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

- I got nominated for a job by a professor because of my writing, and I got the job today!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

- Lol no, it was just a friend.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

- Why not?

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

- Nopeeee

19. Do you like bubble baths?

- Not really

20. Do you like your neighbors?

- Oh man, my neighbors fucking suck.

21. What are you bad habits?

- Nail biting, procrastinating

22. Where would you like to travel?

- I want to go back to Greece. I’d like to travel pretty much anywhere though.

23. Do you have trust issues?

- Yes.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

- Sleeping?

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

- All of it? Lol

26. What do you do when you wake up?

- Groan because it’s early, hit the off button on my alarm and convince myself to slither out of bed.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

- I like being pale.

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

- Rach, Caitlin, Abe, Brandi and Crissy

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

- Yeah, but I don’t care.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

- Yes

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

- No

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

- Hayley Kiyoko and Gal Gadot

33. Spell your name with your chin.

- zzal,ytdssas

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

- I used to do martial arts.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

- Without TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

- All the time

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

- I make a really really bad dad joke.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

- A girl that makes me laugh, is loyal, and just wants the same things as me.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

- I hate shopping ugh.

40. What do you want to do after high school?

- I graduated 3 years ago, lol, I’m in college.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

- Not always, no.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

- I’m probably not happy, that’s for sure.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

- Most of the time

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

- Outer space

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

- My alarm

46. What are you paranoid about?

- Spiders being in my car

47. Have you ever been high?

- Yes

48. Have you ever been drunk?

- Yes

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

- Nope

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

- Grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

- Nah

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

- Willpower

53. Favourite makeup brand?

- I don’t wear makeup

54. Favourite store?

- Barnes & Noble

55. Favourite blog?

- @virginqueenforlife

56. Favourite colour?

- Grey

57. Favourite food?

- Greek Fries

58. Last thing you ate?

- Greek Salad

59. First thing you ate this morning?

- A bagel with cream cheese

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

- I honestly can’t think rn

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

- I was suspended in middle school because some kid hit me and stabbed me with a pencil and I stabbed him in the hand with a pencil as retaliation

62. Been arrested? For what?

- No

63. Ever been in love?

- Idk honestly

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

- LOL, his name was Jordan, it was the 6th grade, and we both turned out to be gay.

65. Are you hungry right now?

- Nope, I’m full

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

- Sometimes

67. Facebook or Twitter?

-Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

- Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

-Catfish is playing in the background

70. Names of your bestfriends?

- Caitlin, Brandi, Rachel

71. Craving something? What?

- My fave snack

72. What colour are your towels?

- Grey and Red

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

- 2

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

- Nah

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

- Oh a whole basket from when I was a kid

75. Favourite animal?

- Otters!

76. What colour is your underwear?

- Grey

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

- Vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

- Pistachio, but only if it’s the fake stuff like the weird green color, or I like vanilla bean

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

- Grey ( I really like Grey, sorry)

80. What colour pants?

- Black

81. Favourite tv show?

- Grey’s Anatomy all time fave. Right now though I’m binging Cutthroat Kitchen

82. Favourite movie?

- THIS IS SO HARD, ok, right now it’s Love Simon

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

- Mean Girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

- Mean Girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

- Damian! I actually met the actor last week lol

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

- Dory

87. First person you talked to today?

- Rachel

88. Last person you talked to today?

- My dad

89. Name a person you hate?

- Coconut Head

90. Name a person you love?

- Rach

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

- The lady who cut me off in the fast lane this morning

92. In a fight with someone?

- No

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

- I don’t think I own any...

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

-Like 5?

95. Last movie you watched?

- Mamma Mia - Here We Go Again!

96. Favourite actress?

- Gal Gadot

97. Favourite actor?

- Tom Holland

98. Do you tan a lot?

- I’m white, I burn

99. Have any pets?

- 2 lovely pups

100. How are you feeling?

- Stressed, I have 4 papers due this weekend.

101. Do you type fast?

- Yes

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

- Nah, it’s whatever.

103. Can you spell well?

- Yes

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

- Not really, nope.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

- Yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

- Yep

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

- Yes

108. What should you be doing?

- Writing one of my papers

109. Is something irritating you right now?

- Yes, I really need to write this paper, but I love to procrastinate too much.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

- lol y e p

111. Do you have trust issues?

- Yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

- Uh my friends Alyssa and Alex, when I got the job offer this morning

113. What was your childhood nickname?

- Lyss

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

- Yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

- Was never a big Wii fan

116. Are you listening to music right now?

- No, TV in the background

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

- Eh, not really

118. Do you like Chinese food?

- Yes

119. Favourite book?

- 19 Minutes by Jodi Picoult

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

- Not really

121. Are you mean?

- I can be, but I won’t be unless I’m provoked

122. Is cheating ever okay?

- No. Never.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

- Yes

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

- No

125. Do you believe in true love?

-Yes

126. Are you currently bored?

- No

127. What makes you happy?

- Studying with my fave

128. Would you change your name?

- Yes

129. What your zodiac sign?

- Gemini

130. Do you like subway?

- No, ew.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

- Uh well, I’m gay, he’s gay, so I don’t see that happening.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

- Rach

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

- Idk

134. Can you count to one million?

- Yes

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

- I’m straight

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

- Bedroom door closed, closet doors - one open, one closed

137. How tall are you?

- Like 5′2 and a half

138. Curly or Straight hair?

- I like whatever

139. Brunette or Blonde?

- I have a thing for blondes

140. Summer or Winter?

- Winter

141. Night or Day?

- Afternoon

142. Favourite month?

- October

143. Are you a vegetarian?

- No

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

- Dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

- Both

146. Was today a good day?

- Yes

147. Mars or Snickers?

- Neither, ew

148. What’s your favourite quote?

- I have too many

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

- Nah

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

- “I didn’t know -- though here and there was a face I had noticed on the commuting train.”

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clefairytails · 6 years

Text

lesbian tag game

thx for sending me this @redcladsheikah <3 all my lesbian friends should do this too, if you want uwu i’m too lazy to tag like 50 ppl hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh @lebians @tiedyked @talaxian @lesbian-mcelroy @ireallylikecameras

1: did you ever think you were straight?

not really, i knew i liked girls even as a child. but i did go through multiple periods of trying to convince myself i was straight, needless to say it didn’t work out lol.

2: what’s your favorite element of gay culture?

our sense of humor! it’s amazing that we’re all so funny despite putting up with so much bullshit.

3: are you femme, butch, or neither?

femme! i’ve been looking into femme history lately, bcs the idea that femme is just an aesthetic is a misconception c:

4: do you prefer to date femmes or butches?

tbh every time i declare i have a type i immediately fall for someone that’s the complete opposite of that, so i have no idea. lately i’ve been wanting a goth gf, but i just developed a crush on a prep soooo i’m terrible at self-reflection. this bitch don’t know what she want.

5: what’s the worst part about being a lesbian?

the feeling that there’s a part of you that needs to be fixed, but you can’t do anything about it. it’s like seeing a picture on the wall that’s crooked, but it’s stuck like that and you can’t ever straighten it. or having a hair out of place that keeps sticking up no matter how much you try to gel it down.

6: what’s the best part of being a lesbian?

is women too obvious of an answer? girls are angels and i’d die for all of them

7: how long were you questioning for?

pretty much never, i guess. i had crushes on girls since kindergarten, then in 2nd grade i was told girls could only like boys, so i tried my best to be straight even though in my heart i knew i wasn’t. since i couldn’t make myself like boys, i kinda just ignored the idea of liking anyone at all until middle school, when i found out what the word “lesbian” means online. of course, all the stuff i found about lesbians called us disgusting perverts, so i went through many phases of calling myself literally anything else but a lesbian. i’ve only started using the word lesbian specifically in the last few years, especially since i joined an amazing discord group. i love them so much, they’ve helped me feel so proud of being a lesbian <3

8: what’s the most annoying thing straight people do?

exist.

jk lmao, i’m honestly not annoyed by straight people, but i like making jokes as if i am. it’s hard to annoy me in general, i’ve got a high tolerance for that type of stuff. if i have to answer, i hate it when strangers (usually straight men) pry into my sex life, but i’m not really annoyed by that as much as i am creeped out.

9: what do you look for in a girl?

vampirism is my only requirement.

10: if you had to marry someone you know right now, who would you choose?

@lebians bcs i feel they’d be the most able to put up with my bullshit. everyone else would kill me on sight. if only @ireallylikecameras was still single, then when we got married we could put together our 50% employee discounts at BK and get infinite food for free, ending world hunger. i think that’s how it works, but also im gay and therefore bad at math.

11: do you have a crush right now?

does being in love count as a crush? if so, then i have three.

12: do you fall in love easily?

i crush easily, and i say i’m in love easily bcs i’m a leo (meaning i need to exaggerate to live), but actually feeling love? only once.

13: is there anyone in your life right now you think you’ll date in the future?

fingers crossed.

14: is there anyone you want to be kissing right now?

at the moment i’m feeling very touch repulsed, so no. but i also go through periods of feeling touch starved, and during those times i’d kiss pretty much anyone lmao.

15: do you think you’ve met your future wife yet?

i don’t know if i want to be married. i hate making commitments.

16: top, bottom, or vers?

i suspect i’m a bottom, but i’m also a virgin with no self awareness about what she wants or likes, so who really knows.

17: is there anyone you wish you could fuck right now?

still feeling touch repulsed, so no. also i have issues with actual real life sex. i always think i want to have sex, but when the situation becomes real, i feel disgusted by it and chicken out. i have no idea if this is some sort of asexuality or internalized lesbophobia. i should probably go to therapy lol.

18: rough or gentle?

rough, in theory. like i said, virgin who doesn’t know what she likes. but as a general rule, i don’t like slowness.

19: how many stereotypes do you fit into?

i’m fat, hairy, make lots of jokes about hating men (at least online, not in real life bcs i dont wanna get stabbed), i sometimes look like a guy,

20: what version of the lesbian flag do you like most? (butch, lipstick, original, etc.)

i like the femme one! i have it as my banner, it’s the lipstick lesbian flag without the lip print. the original flag was so fucking good, too bad it got taken by the terfs. the labrys is such a powerful image, and purple is a good color. also i saw a moon lesbian flag going around, that one is so good.

21: do you have a good gaydar?

hhhh i’d like to pretend i do but tbh i’m not very observant and straight up bad at reading people.

22: be honest, would you rather be straight?

yes and no. i’d rather have been born straight, because it would’ve saved me so much pain, but it’s a few years too late for that lol. if there was a magic pill that could make me straight today, i wouldn’t take it. i’ve been through so much as a lesbian, it means something to me now and i wouldn’t trade that for anything.

23: are you cis?

yep.

24: are you a sugar mommy or a sugar baby at heart?

hardcore sugar baby. my dream job is being an older woman’s trophy wife.

25: are you committed to someone at all right now emotionally?

hhhhhhhhhh unfortunately. i don’t want to be.

26: are you looking for a serious relationship currently?

yes, but i shouldn’t be. i don’t think i’m ready to be in one.

27: is there someone you’d like to be in a serious relationship in?

yes, but she’s straight and already married lmao. whoops.

28: do you want children?

no, i’m too selfish and irresponsible.

29: is your family accepting of your sexuality?

my mom and dad are, though they don’t take it very seriously. pretty sure they expect me to grow out of it one day. can’t blame them tho, i’m waiting for the same thing lmao. my extended family is huge, and their opinions range from being extremely homophobic to being gay themselves, but i’m interacting with them less and less as i get older.

30: how confident are you in your sexuality?

very confident, though i don’t want to be. i’m still secretly hoping one day i’ll see a guy i’m attracted to and he’ll fix me, but being realistic, i’m a huge fucking lesbian. women are enchanting.

31: are you polyamorous or monogamous?

monogamous. my insecure ass could not be poly hhhhhh.

32: what advice do you have for your 12 year old self?

be more selfish. you don’t have to put yourself second for the sake of others, especially at your age. nothing you do will matter in a decade, go fucking wild.

33: have you ever been to a gay bar?

nope. i want to go one day, but i have terrible social anxiety.

34: leather jackets or flannel?

both of those are really hot, but i’m gonna go with leather jacket.

35: describe your dream girlfriend

- vampire

- big tiddy goth gf

- nice personality or smthn

- uhhhhhhhhh tiddy

(ok but srsly, i can’t answer this question bcs i NEVER know what i want!! i always thought my type was THICC for sure, but all three of the ladies i have feelings for rn are pretty skinny and flat chested)

36: do you have any lesbian friends?

at least 50 lol.

37: what elements of gay culture do you actively participate in?

air, water, sometimes earth. never fire.

38: do you find straight people irritating?

nope, but i do find straight pda uncomfortable to look at. mostly bcs it reminds me of what i'm supposed to want. but i’d never tell a straight person that, obviously. i’m not rude.

39: would you rather adopt a kid or have a biological kid?

i’ll adopt a tortoise, and feed her any children that cross my path. but if i did ever have a child, i’d want it to be biologically mine and my wife’s. mostly bcs i’d want to know what it would look like, which is a selfish and stupid reason to have kids, and exactly why i’m not gonna lmao.

40: do you love yourself?

i’m a LEO (jokes aside, i don’t know. sometimes i do, sometimes i don’t. but i love myself more as time goes on. definitely more than i did than when i was a teen, at least.)

#tag game #long post #im a LEO

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stilettobaby · 6 years

Text

70 horrible questions...Fuck it

Doing it all bc im bored af rn and idc enough to wait for asks lmao

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 1. define good? i’d say we all share a rather dysfunctional r/s.

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 2. A friend, as a joke

03: Do you regret anything? we all regret doing something at some point in life, but I prefer not to regret anything I do.

04: Are you insecure? 4. most of us have insecurities. so yes I do. but because I know what they are, I’m constantly striving to overcome and fix them.

05: What is your relationship status? 5. single - I like it this way for now.

06: How do you want to die? 6. the boring answer? old age. otherwise maybe while I was doing something remarkably insane and dying on my own terms.

07: What did you last eat? some organic chocolate bar.

08: Played any sports? does swimming count…

09: Do you bite your nails? never did.

10: When was your last physical fight? a few days ago, wasn’t really a physical fight but it came close. 11: Do you like someone? sort of, but nothing’s really happening atm.

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? close to 48.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? hating is a waste of time to me.

14: Do you miss someone? i guess

15: Have any pets? no, would like to.

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? booooreeedoooom

17: Ever made out in the bathroom? no, rather not

18: Are you scared of spiders? not really.

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? why not? maybe.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? somewhere with water

21: What are your plans for this weekend? still planning

22: Do you want to have kids? How many? maybe. I prefer just 1, but everyone says having 2 is better…

23: Do you have piercings? How many? only 4.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? literature, art…

25: Do you miss anyone from your past? yes & no

26: What are you craving right now? in a chocolate mood

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? yes, i think.

28: Have you ever been cheated on? no, neither do I want to be put in that position because I would definitely hurt someone if I found out. or would want to.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? yes.

30: What’s irritating you right now? one or two individuals that I’m still waiting on for karma to take care of.

31: Does somebody love you? who knows?

32: What is your favourite color? it changes from time to time, depending on my mood. right now I love a dark shade of emerald green.

33: Do you have trust issues? yes, it’s quite severe, but I’m trying to trust people.

34: Who/what was your last dream about? it was a rather odd dream, i was trying to cut off someone’s thigh with a saw at a playground.

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? no one, i haven’t cried in awhile 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? it depends for what. not all people are worth giving second chances.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? neither. but I’d rather forgive than forget, because you should never forget what someone has done for you, good or bad. it’ll come in handy in the future. 38: Is this year the best year of your life? debatable. i’ve learnt a lot though.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? kindergarten…yeah. wait if a real first kiss, then 14

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? not yet.

51: Favourite food? pasta…ice cream…sushi? i like desserts.

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? maybe, but I believe that we can also make things happen for a reason. lol

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? showered.

54: Is cheating ever okay? no. if you’re not happy with someone, leave. it’s simple. but nothing’s really ever that simple isn’t it?

55: Are you mean? It really varies. overall, I’d say I’m rather nice. Nice is subjective though. I treat people the same way they treat me. An eye for an eye, ya know? I can be less than nice, but only when necessary and if I think they deserve it. But most of the time I’m super nice.

56: How many people have you fist fought? 0. I haven’t actually punched someone yet even though I’ve come real close to. Like REAL close. 57: Do you believe in true love? I believe in some kind of love, I don’t know about true love.

58: Favourite weather? Storms. Rainy weather. I also like some sun sometimes.

59: Do you like the snow? Used to as a kid, now maybe not so much.

60: Do you wanna get married? the idea of commitment through a contract is unsettling, but maybe.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? it’s overused. how about another cute name? 62: What makes you happy? i’m happiest when I get to improve myself. I like accomplishing personal goals too. on other days, sometimes it’s the little things that make me happy.

63: Would you change your name? Most likely not, but also a small maybe.

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? no.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? If it isn’t mutual, i’d try to convince him it’s a phase, and try to keep the friendship going.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? define complete self? i can act slightly differently around different people. what I show you is based on our relationship.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? a friend

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? a friend

69: Do you believe in soulmates? maybe

70: Is there anyone you would die for? tough question, but no.

#turned out way longer than expected jfc lmao

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periodicreviews · 7 years

Text

RWBY Volume 4 Episode 11

Almost every scene in episode 11 felt like it made sense and was well constructed. There were a few annoyances but overall I want to say it's the best episode of the season, which has been a mess so far. Is this the crew “getting the hang of it” or just a coincidence?

Cinder and the evil crew

From episode 1, I was interested in seeing more of Cinder’s struggle so it’s interesting that she is still not fully recovered unlike some other characters in this show who arguably lost more. It made me wonder as to whether Ruby’s attack was just hard to recover from or if she was just tired from a lot training. Maybe the writer’s just forgot about her too.

The viewer isn’t given any context as to how much effort has been expended, like “we’ve been at this for hours” or Yang’s “we’ve been at this for weeks” in episode 9. Not that it’s necessary to give that context, but it helps the viewer understand if Cinder is stronger because of the maiden’s power, still struggling to master it, or actually weaker because of Ruby’s ultimate attach and some weird inability to heal from it.

As small as it is, I’m really glad to see Cinder breathing heavily and struggling in the midst of a fight. Compare this scene with Team RNJR in Vol 4 Ep 6 when they fight Tyrian. We were supposed to believe RNJR was at their limits before Qrow came to save the day, but none of them showed any cosmetic damage or signs of exhaustion except for Ruby.

Cinder seemed to be creeped out by Tyrian’s bloodlust or desire for torture. On the surface, this seems to be at odds with her past behavior in helping release Grimm on civilians. Maybe she just doesn’t like the torture part of it and prefers just to make the kill quick. But hasn’t she been dealing with these people for some time now? Tyrian can’t be the only one crazy in the group.

What would cause that kind of change in someone? Besides her defeat at the hands of Ruby, we haven’t seen Cinder in any kind of traumatic situation or any kind of questioning of her past actions. The defeat could’ve been traumatic and have triggered this existential crisis in her, but the viewer hasn’t seen any of those dots connected on screen.

I saw a comment theorize that in taking Amber's power, Cinder took part of her soul and that's become mixed with hers. I guess that's possible at this point but I hope there's some decent on-screen explanation if she does switch sides.

Even though I’m interested in where this leads, I’m okay with the lack of “evil” screen time this season. I think the other characters would’ve suffered even more if they had less screen time. After season 3 I was more immediately concerned with Team RWBY’s state despite the desire to know what Salem’s true plans are.

Normal conversations with Yang and Tai

The conversation in this episode feels normal. Normal in the sense that I can imagine this as a conversation between a daughter and her father in their situations. I’m glad this trend continued from episode 9. When Tai asks “Where are you going?” it feels like the most intimate question that has been asked all season. Blake’s dad does ask “What’s wrong? What did I say?” in Ep 8 and that similarly leads to a great moment. But it’s still unfortunately rare this volume.

My point being that I don’t think the question “How are you doing?” has been asked enough in this volume, the one where it needs to be asked of every character. Not in the casual greeting sense, but in “How are you grappling with the death of two friends and the general chaotic state of world affairs?”

Does it need to be asked when it’s clear these characters are either depressed or not dealing with their emotions in a positive manner? Yes, to show that these characters care about each other as friends. When Tai asks Yang to try the prosthetic arm on in episode 3, her response is “I’m not feeling too great right now.” Her father doesn’t take that opportunity to show any compassion or empathy to his daughter who has been moping around the house for 6 months. When I first saw that scene, I was convinced that Tai didn’t care at all and that seems to be the opposite of what the writers were aiming for.

Similarly, no one on Team RNJR has asked each other how they are doing despite them being friends and it being clear they are still suffering inside.

Back in Volume 3, after Yang’s incident with Mercury and her disqualification, there’s a pretty good scene between the members of Team RWBY.

Immediately after that, Jaune asks the others if she’s doing okay. There’s at least some acknowledgement that they recognize she’s in pain and that that pain is a concern amongst those who know her. It doesn’t even matter that Jaune specifically hasn’t even had an extended onscreen conversation with Yang. But it’s a question that normal people ask each other when they see others hurting.

I kept hoping that they would address this issue and although there have been some improvements, it needs to be applied to all the characters.

Weiss

Ironwood and Weiss’s dad’s conversation was solid as well. This discussion adds more tension to the story and gives us some perspective on the state of chaos the world is really in. The small villages that RNJR passes through and the remote islands like Menagerie don’t do as good of a job at this, so the conversation was a nice way around that.

Weiss is probably the worst teammate when it comes to stealth, but it’s also Weiss, someone who has never had to “hide” in life so it fits with the character. I guess there was no stealth class at Beacon. I’m still not sure about the whole running away without ever speaking to her mother on screen. I guess it’s okay because Oscar, the farm boy, ran away without talking to his mother/aunt. Maybe Weiss hates her mother as much as her father-in-law. We’ll just never know.

Blake

I enjoyed Blake’s scenes as well. As sick as it sounds, I’m glad someone in this show isn’t fully recovered. It’s hard to tell if this one conversation has solved all her problems, which I’m hoping it hasn’t.

During the conversation, Sun complains about Blake pushing her friends out, but if you ask me, Sun needs to be pushed out sometimes. However, I’ll make an exception for him this time because for once the writers didn’t have him make any stupid jokes or patronizing lines, he just listened for once this volume.

I did of course hate that they reused the same door joke from episode 9 for the same exact purpose of transitioning to another scene. It also served again to interrupt an emotional scene, this time between Sun and Blake, which ended up ruining the moment for me.

Last time they did this, I tried to be reasonable. I tried to understand their logic that maybe Sun “ran” into the door and that knocked it down. But it seems my reasoning was in vain. Why would Blake’s mother run into a door in her own house when she’s fully aware of how the doors function?

Why is this house so poorly built in the first place?

Maybe I shouldn’t even try to critique these jokes since there have been times in the past such as the Vol 2 opening food fight, Zwei in the mail, Ruby using taunting Zwei with a giant turkey on her scythe, etc., when physics/logic are played with to result in a punch line.

I think my main complaint is not that the joke is illogical but that it just comes at the wrong time, especially when solid emotional scenes have been sorely missing from this volume.

RN and JR quickly reunited

I understand the team broke up in the first place to “raise the stakes” and ramp up the tension. But after all of Ren’s protesting that there was no time and that it would take too long, the team met back up quite easily. Were Ren and Nora running just that fast? Was it only because Ruby and Jaune stayed in one place for such a long time? Maybe Ren was just making up excuses so he wouldn’t have to go through Kuroyuri and the two locations really weren’t that far apart.

I also wondered to myself how the Kuroyuri episode would’ve turned out if Ren and Nora faced their fears together and walked through the town with the rest of the team. People seemed to enjoy the episode as it was, so I’m not sure there’s a need for that. Maybe it would’ve made the episode even more emotional or it might’ve just not worked out.

With one episode left, I expect the finale fight to be tough until Yang, Weiss, or someone else pops in from out of nowhere.

#rwby #rwby4

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princeyandanxiety · 7 years

Note

The "ask me things" ask - all of them!!! Or if that's too insane, do the first 20 and the last 20 :p

The answers are short bc i was rushing them haha but ill put em under the read more

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

… I would be very, very freaked out. Words would not be said. Only screaming.

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

I saw him last month. No offense, but he cannot write a decent speech.

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Depending on the drug, it’d vary from “please just make sure you’re safe” to “oh god how do i convince you that this is a bad idea [panicky pharmacist daughter vibrating]”

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

[counts letters on fingers] yes!

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Sober.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyep

7. What does your last received text say?

“Ok, see you next week. Thanks. :)”8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

Once.

9. Where was your last kiss at?

Kindergarten classroom. In my primary school.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

[checks time] uh like an hour ago?

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Water or cinnamon orange tea

12. Where did you sleep last night?

My bed.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

They’re a lot of work, but they’re ultimately a choice that both people have to make. I’d like to hope that they’re ultimately worth it.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Mostly test results.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

“Oh, hey, we haven’t talked in like 6 years. How’s life?”

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Sunny.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

Lmao fuck no.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

Pj pants!

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

Yes. Because I’ll have finished my HSC.

20. Does anyone like you?

Yes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

No. Only an A, a T, and another A.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

[shrugs[

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

There are multiple. Be more specific.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Yeah but I’m a fucking wuss haha I’d probs pass out from the pain or something.

25. In the past week have you cried?

I cried like 9 hours ago lmao

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

TOY POODLE!

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

Who the fuck dries themself in the shower? It’s all watery in there. Foot mats exist for a reason.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

nnnnnnnnnnnnnope

29. Do you think you’re old?

Sometimes i feel a little old, but I know that I’m still pretty damn young

30. Do you like text messaging?

Lmao I prefer it to calling that’s for damn sure. I dont actually text all that much tho. Mostly because the people i’d text have free messenger services anyway. That or the bill for texting them would be pretty fuckin pricey.

31. What type of day are you having?

It’s on the better side of neutral.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

Nooooo thanks. I got my ears pieced when I was like 3 and that was enough for me!

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

Mildly cold weather.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Yes! He’s been my friend since kindergarten haha

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship because i am a massive romantic (whICH REMINDS ME-)

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

Is anyone actually simple? Like really? There are always so many different parts to one person, so many intricacies and contradictions, good and bad, that they might not even think about.

… so im probably a more complicated person haha.

37. What song are you listening to?

Nice2KnoU by All Time Low i love it sooooo muuuuuuch38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Most of the time, yeah.

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?Ooooooh yeah. They probably have the most power to wreck me lmao.

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

Okay in my defense I didn’t realise I actually liked them until my brain was like “lmao what if you had a crush on this person” and I was like “oh. oh fuck. I actually do have a crush on them” but i think it was a few things. they always make me smile, and they don’t mind that i can be a clingy motherfucker. They’re also funny and super sweet, and they have such an amazing mind and personality. Tbh im not entirely surprised that i fell for them because when i click with someone as well as i initially did with them i tend to develop feelings pretty quickly from there.

41. When did you last receive a text message?5:14 pm

42. What is wrong with you right now?Do you have the time to hear the answer to that?

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?Eh. She’s a teacher.

44. Does anyone disgust you?

Yes.45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?Unfortunately, no, probably not.

46. Are you in a good mood right now?{come back to this}

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?My mum

48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Black. Like my soul.49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?Yes.

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Yeah. Myself.51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

… yes because he turned out to be a dick.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?See above.

53. Do you like rain?I frikkin’ love it

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?Not really. I’d only be really worried if it was unhealthy levels of drinking.

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

… Lmao I always tend to admit it eventually, I think. A few times I’ve been like “oh yeah, I used to have a crush on you haha” 56. Do you like to cuddle?

Never… actually… cuddled before...

57. Are you shy?

Eh, it depends. 58. Do you get along with girls?

I tend to get along better with girls than guys tbh but when I was younger I always had a lot of girl cousins and at primary school it was always pretty divided between boys and girls

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?Fuck. no.

60. What do you carry with you at all times?

My phone 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

… maybe. 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?I sure as hell hope I can

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

Ahhh, the beginning of HSC. I was so young then. So hopeful.

Too bad my soul has been squashed. 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

… Bells has just passed out from thinking about this please leave a message after the beep *beeeeep*65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

My friend did really well on an important test and she was super happy about it haha

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

Between 17 and 18.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? I like doing my own nails but tbh I *really* wanna get them done one day.

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?

How about neither????69. Do you have any stickers on your car? Nah

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Who?

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? Android!

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?

Fuck if I know lmao73. Do you like diet soda?

Ew no74. What color are the walls in your room?

Varying shades of purple

75. Are you 16 or older? Yep!

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? Nope!

77. Do you have a job?

Double nope! 78. What are your initials?

Identification.79. Did you ever have braces?

Got ‘em right now haha80. Are you from the south?

I COME FROM A LAND DOWN UNDER so technically yeah

81. What does your last status on facebook say? “How does a worried Hispanic person count to three?Uno, dos, stress.”

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? Lol no I don't even know if he's alive

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?

Mum :)84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?

I did gymnastics in kindergarten!

I hated it.85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?

Probably Moana?86. Do you smoke?

Nah 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?

THONGS M888. Is your phone touch screen?

Yes.89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?

My hair is straight than I am most of the time.90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? Haha no.91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

Pool 92. Have you ever made out in a car? Nope

93. …Had sex in a car? Double nope

94. Are you single or in a relationship? Single!

95. What were you doing last night at midnight? Sleeping like a baby

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?

In person? A few years, now.

97. Do you like the camera on your phone? Yes. because i have a samsung galaxy s7 now. My s3 had the picture quality of a potato.

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Nope.

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? THREE MORE MONTHS. But no not yet

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? Uh theres one person that i’ve been holding a grudge against for fucking ever but other than that no?

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? … look bayer and bayer would be getting sued if i was pregnant.

102. Name your favorite Kesha song: C’mon

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?

Nah its winter so im all long shirts and knee socks rn 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

Idk maybe

#ask #ask tag #anon #in which bells makes a sneaky admission #its not a massive thing lmao but *finger guns*

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skeletxnqueen · 7 years

Note

flower crown fairy lights daisies 1975 matte black nail polish pantone moodboard stars plants converse lace handwriting cactus sunrise oil paints overalls combat boots winged eyeliner pastel tattoos piercings bands messy bun cry baby grunge space white bed sheets old books beaches eyes 11:11 painting lightning thunder storms love clouds coffee marble

T H E N E V E R E N D I N G A S K (I wasn’t ignoring you, I’m gonna be honest, I forgot this was sitting in my drafts waiting to be completed aaaaa)

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself? - A few minutes ago. I left my iPod in my co-worker’s car so I kinda have nothing better to do. All my favorite apps are on there.

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? - Are alternate universes real and is there one where I am content and happy? (sorry to get depressing there bud but life just ain’t what I want it to be rn)

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? - I haven’t experienced enough things to really say I’ve accomplished anything. I guess getting a job and keeping it for as long as I have? Six months and counting.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise? - Seeing a gif of a kitten walking over to a camera man and then proceeding to nap on him and walk all over his shoulders and sit on his head while he had to hold almost completely still.

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? - This question as me depressed and low key anxious I don’t think I can answer it without crying sorry

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things? - Not really. I try to avoid really confronting my own mortality. Thinking about dying both scares and tempts me and it’s really weird and terrifying and no bueno. Gosh my answers seem so depressing I’m sorry bab aaAAAA

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail. - I’m too lazy to describe anyone again but um my brother c’: Again. Heckie

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood? - I suppose. I mean it definitely could have been better, but it’s not really on “tragic backstory” level so I guess yeah. I dunno how to answer this, in all honesty.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person? - Earlier tonight

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them. - My friend Antonio. He’s weird but he loves space and it’s nice to hear how excited he gets talking about the stars and planets because he’s super passionate about it. I just like when my friends are happy ya know? So I know stargazing with my space buddy would be fun.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them? - Honestly I have before. I don’t mean for it to, but sometimes the conversations just take that direction. I’m a big oversharer.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you? - fam I’m always up at 3am wym I stay talkin to ppl at 3am (for the record it’s usually my mom and/or brother)

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? - Again, I can’t answer this without crying I’m sorry.

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes? - I have them and I love them why is this up for discussion why is this a question is there brown eye discourse???

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally. - “I don’t care what you think, as long as it’s about me.” …….. I really like attention. More seriously though, I like knowing that I’m real to other people. I know it sounds weird but sometimes I just like being reminded that I actually exist in other people’s lives and that I’m a real person???? Idk how to describe it but yeah. That line makes me think about that aspect of myself a lot.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far? - “Still Figuring It Out”

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars? - cry because I can finally get my family out of our rough situation, spoil my mom and brother rotten, buy lots of pretty makeup, travel the world, and still have enough left over to live comfortably for the rest of my life without ever having to work again unless I want to to have something to do.

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way? - I am. Sometimes too much for my own good. Sometimes I like it just cause it can help settle conflicts quicker and sometimes I don’t because not only do I let toxic people back into my life but it causes me to miss them and desperately want them back because I convince myself “it’s in the past, it wasn’t that bad, and they’ve probably changed so I should let it go”.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self. - Dear Mikii,

First of all what a weird nick-name you dork. I’m Gabby. I’m still just as much of a dork so don’t feel bad. You’re going through a weird phase in your life right now. You’re confused and probably questioning who you are. That’s not really going to stop, but it gets better. It gets easier to deal with. Eventually you’ll work for your favorite pizza place and, while it’s stressful, you’ll make cool friends and you’ll make money, and nobody will be able to tell you what you can and can’t buy. It’ll be awesome. You got this

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? - I guess I lean closer to the punk side. It’s kind of funny because I have the soft cute personality that you’d think would fit on a pastel type person and honestly that’s my aesthetic but style wise, I usually go for darker colors and stuff. My brother is the polar opposite. Punk personality and pastel style.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. - Yes. Body art is yes. I love it and I want it. If you have tattoos and/or piercings I am 75% more likely to get some kind of crush on you.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not? - yes, because I like it and it’s pretty.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. - I dunno if this counts much, I had to think long and hard on this one, but Crossfire by Stephen makes me think a lot about current events and police brutality and the bombings in other countries and just a bunch of sad stuff that’s going on now which I know is the point but it makes me really think about the privilege I do have compared to those who face discrimination and oppression far more harshly than I ever will and I just heckin

heck

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them. - “Prince didn’t die for this.”

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. - I’ve only ever been to one and it was a local band so

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say? - Idk man probably my dad. Not gonna go in depth but I’ll say this. I’d want a large sum of money included and a 5 page long apology letter.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised? - nope nothing is organized and I dont have a workspace

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine? - stay up til I physically cannot hold my eyes open anymore then fall asleep

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? - that I’m not Christian and that I have a um…. device. Of some sort.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? - Keep it red / make it redder, probably some kind of undercut or side shave

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? - 1. Alin2. Mikey3. Kaylee4. Dom5. Rose

I’d take these nerds with me as I travel the globe and try new experiences, shop cool unique things, and just live my dream life with. I’d go to the ends of the earth with these precious babies.

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them. - (1) Wealth. I want to pay off my mother’s college debt, buy her a nice place to stay as well as somewhere for myself, buy my brother anything his little heart desires, donate to fundraisers and charities, live my dream life, etc. (2) Clear skin. I’m pretty confident in my body shape and all, but I can’t stand my skin. Especially everywhere that isn’t my face. My shoulders have it the worst. (3) Someone willing to date me who doesn’t live thousands of miles away would be lovely. I mean I can do long distance but I just crave physical affection ya know? I dunno man I’m just lonely.

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. - Well, last year I was a dead cowgirl. I used my day of the dead makeup and wore a flannel, jeans, boots, and a cowboy hat that I got from party city. Relatively simple, but it was still fun to see little kids’ reactions and everything at work.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? - this implies I’ve gotten drunk or high before (I’ve been kind of tipsy before but otherwise I’m fucking lame and I don’t do that stuff)

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? - kill somebody (there are a few exceptions but in general ya know?)

storms: you can only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why? - both of these would drive me literally insane let’s not and say we did

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love. - I think I have. I don't know. To me it's realizing the things I'd be willing to do for that person. Just wanting to make them happy. Wanting to spoil them, see them smile, hear their stupid jokes even if they aren't funny, see all the ugly or silly faces they make, and just loving everything about them. Overcoming my biggest insecurities and discomforts for them. Realizing that there are certain things I can only see myself doing with them. When I read those couple posts I think of them, even though it's been over a year since we've been together. Hearing a certain song or artist is tainted by thoughts of them, when nothing would come to mind before I got to know them. Filling spots in my mind and heart that for years had been left vacant. Realizing that despite how much they've hurt me, I'd gladly take them back if they asked. Feeling like it was the right love at the wrong time, even though it probably wasn't the right love at all. Falling in love to me is having them lurking around every corner of my mind, the darkest shadows, the deepest trenches, even when I'm not thinking of them, they're always there. Even when I'm not thinking about them, I somehow am. I don't know if this is love or obsession, admittedly. Maybe I just need help lol

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair? - I’d rock both and look sexy while doing it

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone? - I don’t go to starbucks enough to really say

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now? - my family and getting us out of the tough situation we’re in right now

#dxrk-sxxls #long post #answers #about me #dxrk sxxls

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jen-thine-hen · 4 years

Conversation

some asks no one asked for

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

my mother and i don’t really know each other, but she’s recently been trying to connect with me. my father and i are...complicated, but we love each other.

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

my father. lmao.

03: Do you regret anything?

yes. who doesn’t?

04: Are you insecure?

i am but i like to pretend i’m not.

05: What is your relationship status?

single ;)

06: How do you want to die?

either peacefully in my sleep or like. shot in the head. that’d be pretty badass.

07: What did you last eat?

pizza. stuffed crust. wings.

08: Played any sports?

soccer once in like third grade and nothing since.

09: Do you bite your nails?

nope.

10: When was your last physical fight?

...never.

11: Do you like someone?

yes. tis a forbidden and tragic love. (she’s straight. and i moved away from her.)

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

noooo and i hope i never have to.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

to quote a show i love to bits: “love is too strong of an emotion to waste on someone you don’t like.” i don’t hate anyone specifically rn, but i do hate my friend group. they’re acting shitty.

14: Do you miss someone?

i miss everyone. (haha)

15: Have any pets?

a doggie named pepper

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

tired dude. and that blank meh feeling that comes with depression lol.

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

nope. sounds hot.

18: Are you scared of spiders?

i am cautious of them.

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

yeah. not even to change anything, just to relive the good old days. there are people i’d love to experience laughing with again.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

my living room.

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

christmas shopping for myself. yippee.

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

zero kids as i am fifteen and single and a lesbian.

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

i have basic ear piercings, but have been trying to convince my dad to let me get a buuuunch of ear piercings. all up my lobes. yes.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

english. im mediocre and everything else. except for math, which i am horrendous at.

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

too many to count. (i’ve been saying a lot of stuff like this lol so i’ll explain: i move around a lot because of my dads work. have moved like forty times in the past ten years and have had to say goodbye to lots of people forever. so.)

26: What are you craving right now?

some babka. idek.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

yes. once they got over me, they realised they were gay, but they were pretty heartbroken for a hot second.

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

yup.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

in a good way! (cute story. i kissed them on the cheek and they started crying because they’d never experienced that kind of stuff before. aw.)

30: What’s irritating you right now?

my friend group. man. they gotta act like i’m actually there sometimes, you know?

31: Does somebody love you?

yes? i’m not sure if this is supposed to be about romance, because if so, i don’t think so. but i have friends and family who love me.

32: What is your favourite color?

orange 🍊

33: Do you have trust issues?

not really? i just don’t trust people until i get to know them well. so maybe a little ??? idek tbh.

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

last dream was about the end of the world, and the daughter of the scientist who had been trying to prevent it it was kidnapped by the guy who’d caused it all. it was epic. had a storyline and everything. (i wrote it down for later reference.)

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

my best friend walesca. it was a hard cry.

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

yeah lol. it’s a bad trait of mine that i’m trying to fix.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive. i never forget.

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

not by the long shot. this one is probably the crappiest one so far, in fact.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

fourteen? thirteen? somewhere around there.

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

no???? wth.

51: Favourite food?

grains. any kind of grains. bread, cereal, pasta. yum.

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

maybe some things.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

watched glee.

54: Is cheating ever okay?

no? but i know that sometimes there is room for forgiveness. there’s a difference between okay and forgivable.

55: Are you mean?

sometimes. i’m trying to improve. (it has to do with the way i was raised, and the way my dad effects my tendencies.)

56: How many people have you fist fought?

zero.

57: Do you believe in true love?

yes. but not that it only happens once.

58: Favourite weather?

cold as a witch’s tit.

59: Do you like the snow?

i love it.

60: Do you wanna get married?

yeah? who knows though, i’m still you g.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

it’s adorable when anyone calls me any kind of endearment.

62: What makes you happy?

singing broadway songs.

63: Would you change your name?

yeah. probably to ariana. i don’t like my name.

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

yes lmaooooo. he was a GUY and he was the one who made me realise i was GAY.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

i mean they know i’m gay so...lol. but otherwise i’d have to let them down easy.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

yup.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

my father.

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

best friend walesca.

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

yes. romantic and platonic. i have met some of mine.

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

100% all of my best friends. seven of those fuckers. i love em to pieces.

#jen stuff #asks #haha

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