#someone who's an actual fic writer. feel free to take this. im placing it in your hands.

[i3utterflyeffect]

y'know actually. Something i've been thinking abt is how weird it'd be for the older hollowheads to find out that Alan has kids now. like, SC just offhandedly mentions it to Chosen and they're like "WHAT"

#because like. he was a teen when he made Chosen right? #bc i remember that he was pretty young when he made victim at the least #so just realizing that amount of time has passed must be kind of insane to them #....hm. also something or other about him starting to treat the color gang and sc like his kids too. #i just. i don't know #someone who's an actual fic writer. feel free to take this. im placing it in your hands. #tommy's stickmen tag #ava

[vvh0adie]

watching my friends leave tumblr is really sad

you literally can't win

at this point the writer's strike should just be a cultural movement

like ppl are writing for FREE and you're complaining about turn out rate and shit

we have lives and some of us (HELL ALL OF US) have some form of mental illness, so we can't be fucking cogs all day and churn out fics.

writing is suppose to be therapeutic and writers want to share that with you to ease the tension of this hellscape we live in

but some of these readers and even fellow writers are taking it too far with the bullying

like its mean and nasty. you don't know what someone is going thru.

instead of asking for updates how about check and see if your writer is mentally stable to do so. that right there is a booster, to have someone say "are you okay?"

and then the whole accusations of favoring a certain member/character. if that person is my muse or safe space then of course imma write for them. most solo writers i see don't even talk bad about other people. its a SOLO account. think of it as a shrine blog of writing if that helps. they're not there to trash, just share their writing for other's who might also share the same muse.

then you have readers who can't separate fiction from reality. just because someone writes a character with irl people faceclaimed onto them doesnt mean they actually think that person would be or do those things irl. i'll be the first to say that i only gave my characters bts faces cuz thats who im attracted to and they're who i imagine would be casted to play my characters.

then IN THE YEAR OF 2023 we still have ppl making fun of their peers writing and also THE FACT THAT ENGLISH MIGHT NOT BE THEIR FIRST LANGUAGE? that's nasty asf. majority of us dont even speak 'proper' english as our first language no way. you only shooting yourself in the foot. don't act like you dont have beta readers... like what are yall on?

and anybody who gets on THAT BLOG behind anon is an opp. not just to the writing community but in how you interact with the world all together. yall don't know how to talk to people anymore? it may have started as a place for critique and accountability but no one is bringing receipts or critical thinking anymore. its mainly for drama and not rehabilitation. yall serious scare me in how we'd see the reality of social change applied to the real world. like i'd be more scared to let yall around the prisoners with minor offenses cuz yall act like its the end of the world and that change cant happen. yall give nobody room to change ignorant stances but ignore the real egregious shit because you honestly dont have the bandwidth to take on actual fascist views.

also the plagiarism has got to stop too. if you need writing resources just ask. but practice makes perfect. so you're gonna have to write yourself. you may not like your writers voice but you will feel shitty in the long run when you don't feel like its you putting those words on the paper. it literally just prolongs your inferiority. make something you're proud of and don't hurt your fellow writers. we went thru the process just like you. we earned it. and most of us aren't gatekeepers, we will help you.

like its really tuff being on here sometimes. cuz if you not being hounded by readers its your own community praying on your down fall.

we have to do better.

#preacha plym #lil rant

[rollercoasterwords]

i’m sure you have such a busy life doing great lovely things but this is my formal request as someone who has read literally all of your ao3 works and is your secret #1 stan

baby i need a long form jegulus fic from you so bad please im on my hands and knees

nothing fades like the light was so delicious but i needed MORE 😭

the really good jegulus fics are LACKING we need a hero and i nominate you

if you’re feeling bored crazy silly goofy this summer……. you know what to do.

hi! i know this message is intended to be complimentary and i’m glad u enjoy my writing but please don’t send me stuff like this lol. not once have i ever indicated that i take requests nor that i want to and it is actually quite odd to ask a stranger to write you a book for free!

like. i’m trying to say this as gently as possible but these kinds of messages are just. SO out of touch. it takes hours for me to write a single ch of a fic, hundreds of hours to write long-form novel length fics—it’s a labor of love, which is why i do it, but it’s still labor. and i’m not gonna work for anyone but myself for free! i am an adult who is in school and working two jobs on top of that to make ends meet and my main concern this summer will be making sure i can pay my rent, not writing fanfiction!

like. in an ideal world i’d be getting paid at least $20/hr for my labor. let’s estimate that it takes ~5 hours for me to write one ch. if u want like a 20-30 ch book length fic, that would run u about $2-3k. and i still might be undervaluing my own work there! does that help put into perspective the amount of work this is? and not just the amount of work i’m doing, but the amount of work ANY fanfic writer is doing, and sharing for free? please realize that it is actually insane that people are ALREADY writing & sharing free books with you.

also. not really sure what u mean when u say really good jegulus fics are lacking and honestly that is a mean thing to say! i know u mean it as a compliment to me but i do not want any compliments that put other writers down. there are lots of really talented and wonderful writers pouring their time and effort into longform jegulus fics; i’m sure you can find some that u like if u spend some time looking. and this is definitely not the place to look bc ‘nothing fades like the light’ is probably the only jegulus fic i will ever write simply bc i don’t like regulus v much! lol

anyway. want to reiterate that i’m trying to say this all gently bc im assuming that u are maybe someone young who does not write fic and/or does not have to worry abt paying rent etc and that’s why maybe u didn’t understand how this message would come across. but please take this as a learning opportunity to understand why this is a very weird thing to send someone and definitely do not send me messages like this again lol

#honestly if i could get paid for fic requests i might bc. i need money 😭 #however that is illegal! so #also. please don’t send me an apology or anything there is no need to apologize #sometimes when i answer messages like this and im like hey this is annoying. ppl follow up w long apology messages. that’s annoying too! #like idk u so it really doesn’t matter that much if u send me one annoying anon message #let’s just both move on & not send annoying messages again <3 peace & love #ask

[phdmama]

im not sure if this is the right place to ask this but do you have any advice about writing or posting fic after nearly a decade? the last time i posted fic it was a very different fandom and i was 13 ish. what i am struggling with specifically is that last time i wasnt really thinking about including themes or accurate characterisations etc. and the new fandom i want to write in is much smaller and has some incredible writers. the prose is so good with incredible diction, different styles and literary techniques.

so essentially i've stalled because im so focused on trying to incorporate these things that i just end up not writing anything. i think its also a general lack of confidence maybe?

thank you :)

Hi pal! Sorry it took me so long to answer you - I spent yesterday shoveling and today at work!!

I feel like there are maybe two different things in your ask here? There's the issue of writing (especially in a new fandom) and then there's the issue of posting and wanting people to actually read your stuff!

I know this is such a cliche but I really do actually believe this, which is - when it comes to writing, YOUR VOICE MATTERS! Sure you can absolutely emulate the work you're loving (and there's nothing wrong with that! I've certainly done it, I think a lot of us have, especially in the beginning), but it sounds like you're maybe forgetting the most important part. Which is this, in my opinion. Your story is valuable because it's YOURS. No one else can tell it. That's where all the stuff about "write what you want, for you" comes in.

What would you write if you could let go of all of the expectations you're burdening yourself with, to live up to other people's writing, and just let yourself write?

In part - it's so much easier to edit than it is to write (at least that's true for me, my fellow writers, PLEASE feel free to add on to this). The first draft is just for getting it out of your head - from there, you can focus on the craft part of it (if you want to!), really honing your narrative and characterizations and whatnot. But write the first draft and let it be ugly.

In terms of breaking into a new fandom, especially a small one, well. I dunno, but for me, I do love some very rare pairs and when I find something new, I get really excited! So I'm betting there's an audience for your work - it might be small, but dang, I bet it's enthusiastic.

For connecting with people, well. @allwaswell16 has really great enthusiasm for self-promotion (and I'm so bad at it, but she's NOT wrong) - write your fic, make a fic post, post it and reblog it. Tag it!

I know for me, I'm probably too shy to reach out to people and say hey! pls read my fic? But if you haven't made some fandom connections as like, a fan, that might be worth doing as well - not to get people to read your work, but to have other fans to celebrate with! I've made some incredible friends simply by shrieking in the comments on the fics and then stalking them on Tumblr to yell at them some more about how much I love their work. (All in complete sincerity too.)

I am pretty bad at Discord and writers groups and stuff, but maybe there are people there to connect with as well?

And like, a thing I want to be really clear about is, it's 100% okay (and like, super normal?? I think??) to *want* people to read your stuff! I write for me, I share it because I want other people to like it too. it does take time to build up those connections usually, but again, I'm guessing that people who love that pairing are going to be excited for someone who's excited to join in.

Anyway, just some off the top of my head rambling - please please feel free to come back if I can be of any other support? xox

#fic writer problems #writing

[ofmermaidstories]

About blocked anon. In general i agree with merms. Howevre. Ok im a silent reaer too for the most part. Tried a sideblog, but i get sidetracked and end up not using it. If the writer has an ao3 i try to leave a comment there but i have more trouble reblogging and interacting on tumblr fro some reason. I have been blocked too for not reblogging fics! But honestly I don't feel particularly bad about it cause I feel like I can't really blame a writer for blocking ppl who don't support their fics.

Like, it's not about talking to the writer, it's about reblogging their fics and show appreciation to the work they put in them and posting them for others. If that's important to that particular writer and they don't feel good with ppl who just lurk (like me) then it's their right to deal with it however they see fit.

I still look at their blog thoughthey just don't show on my dash. If anon wants to put the work and reblog and comment fics on a side blog if they don't want to do so on their main, and ask the writer to unblock them i'm sure they will (unless there's a different reason, like maybe the writer saw soemthign on anon's blog and was like "hmm don't like that". Can't do anything about that.)

You’re allowed to disagree with me, Anon, LOL, I promise don’t mind it—a difference of opinion (on inane things, and I would consider anything that happens on tumblr dot com short of harassment to be inane) is good! Healthy. 😌 Mix things up a bit. But—okay, let’s talk about the reblog debate.

I just don’t vibe with it, LOL. I don’t vibe with sniping people for being lurkers. 💅🏽✨ I don’t respect it, actually, if we’re going to get serious—yes, people can (and should!) curate their followings as they need to. If someone decides to deny you access to their online space then, no, you can’t do anything about it. I just also happen to think it’s one of the more stupid reasons you can block someone lmfao.

I know that the general (touted) thought process behind blocking lurkers is generally a parroted, “it’s about supporting writers”. And to be honest, I would respect the push more if people just admitted they wanted more comments LMAO. Because!!! I think that’s perfectly fine!!! It’s okay to be like, “hey I worked hard on this, and I would like to see a big fat number of notes or to have people in my inbox”. We are real people—real people taking the time and effort to create fun things for free, and it can be bitterly disappointing to have that met with silence or entitlement.

The solution to that though isn’t blocking people for being silent readers. Because that’s turning around and doing to them exactly want we don’t want done to us, as writers—it reduces them from being living human beings to numbers who are measured by how they can best serve (or “support”) you.

I can hear the “Merms this isn’t this serious, we just want more people to reblog fics” already but tbh… it is. I think it is because it lets the worst of us get away with treating each other really, really appallingly. You are absolutely allowed to deny someone access to your online space. But if you’re denying them that access and also making them feel bad (“you haven’t reblogged enough fics/you haven’t liked enough of my posts to fill the weekly quota/you’re not doing enough for me to be allowed to see this content I provide online publicly and for free”) then idk… sounds like ur the problem to me.

And look, I don’t say that easily. Tumblr has always been a site where mass hysteria breeds like mould; it tends to happen when online spaces become our Third Place for socialising. We don’t have the normal, social safety-rails that like, actual real-world Places like work or school have for us—we’re unleashed here in our downtime and feel protected by the anonymity of a screen. By the fact that we can’t see each other’s faces when we say things like, “you don’t do enough for me” to random strangers. I don’t like that! So I don’t police it on my own blog. 🫡

Fandom is one of the precious few spaces we have where anything goes. You can create whatever you want, however you want, and it’s all done purely for the love of it. It’s indulgent and silly and fun. So to come into this space and then directly make demands of the other people in it (“reblog x number of fics or else you’re not a real member of the community”) goes against the spirit of why we’re all in this shared space in the first place.

We can absolutely have a conversation about how to support each other—writers and readers—without fear mongering about lurkers being why “omg the community is dying”. I think the community is falling into a lull because people get obsessed with new things; a new show or game. New technology, like ChatGPT for instance, which gives maybe otherwise passive readers a chance to create their own fiction or pocket boyfriend, instantly. Maybe it’s even a generational thing—a change in how people socialise. We are in constant contact with each other, with constant availability—controlling what little we can, what we spend our energy on or how we engage with things in our third space is sometimes only control we have. I’m sure we could even dig digger about like, the consumerist behaviour and entitlements so many of us subconciously take on now—wanting instant updates or reading completed fics only or taking it for granted that we’ll be given an entire season to binge in one go.

I appreciate that writers want to push back against the audience entitlement that can come with creating readily available smut about popular characters. And yeah, reblogging does help showcase art and writing! But it can’t be demanded. It just can’t. Just how no-one has the right to demand you write how they want you to, or upload when they want you to, you don’t have a right to dictate how engage with your work (beyond not being dicks to it!!!!!! underscore!!!!!!).

Should we try and support each other, even through a small act like a reblog? Yes!!! It’s so so so good!!! Despite the essay I’ve just written, I am all for support being shown in whatever small way it can be!!!! But—there’s no entry fee, to being in a fandom. Not for lurkers, not for active readers, not for writers and not for artists. Demanding a fee like that just pushes people away and feeds them into traps like ChatGPT, which, while I understand and emphasise with it’s popularity (especially for younger readers), I will never support it. It’s using it’s current popularity as free training and when it’s learnt enough it will be monetised, but only after it’s stolen so much from all of us. And this is why we should protect the freedom of things like fanfic, and why we should say no to trying to turn each other into numbers or updates—we’re already products that are being sold, in so many other aspects of our lives. We desperately need spaces where we are free to be unhinged about little kissy stories and the characters they’re attached to.

I’m sorry Anon, I know you were just offering a counterpoint to blocked anon lmao, and I didn’t mean to unleash—but I am actually incredibly passionate about this topic, and the broader implications for the community a debate like this brings.

#ofmermaidstories-asks #‘it’s not that serious’ i say—before taking it perfectly and utterly seriously #the reblog thing—discourse

[mayahawkins]

no one asked me to list my fav blogs but i’m just gonna make my own end of year follow forever bc i wanna rant abt my talented friends, beloved mutuals, and just people i follow that i have never spoken to but who are such a joy to see on my dash. so, without further ado, maddy’s 2022 follow forever:

@strangeswift abby strangeswift, my beloved. you were the first person i talked to in this fandom and i’m so glad u were bc u are the sweetest most kind person ever. you are so supportive of all your friends and mutuals and u make me wanna be a more outwardly loving and supportive person fr. i remember when u wrote that lil ficlet based on my text post and i’m p sure i almost cried bc i felt so special that someone had been inspired by something i had said to write smth so wonderful. you’re an incredible writer and i am always so excited anytime you post any of your writing. i can’t wait to read more of your fics and am so patiently waiting for MilevenVision (as much as i may bug u for crumbs). i’m so glad to call you a friend <3

@elekinetic ella ella, bonded in shared discord trauma so ur never getting rid of me. i feel so honoured to call you a friend bc you are one of the best people i know. you are so smart and level-headed and loyal as hell to your friends. you are also so kind and you're so deliberate with what you say and how you say it. you defs intimidated me the first few times we talked but now im like oh ya ella, my amazing talented friend ella. your scripts give me so much life. and not just your st ones but your original ones as well. can't wait to one day see "ella elekinetic hexagirl" in movie credits (bc obviously ur last name is ur url). and your OCs?? i have never once become obsessed with someone's OCs the way i can't stop thinking abt yours. that's what you've done to me. you are so incredibly talented and ily <3

@andiwriteordie ANNDDIIIIII ILY FR <3 u are so insanely talented and kind and wonderful. i’m so happy we started talking recently bc u have truly brightened the last few weeks of the year. u got me back into watching merlin so thank u for the pain u will surely cause me as i rewatch this show i haven’t seen in almost a decade. ur fics were some of the first that i read in the byler fandom and that means u will always hold a special place in my heart. i remember the first time i read your let's hear it for the boys series and i was just like omg i'm obsessed with this. i have absolutely adored every single one i’ve read (even though i’m a lil behind on them rn oops but i will catch up) and can’t wait to see what else you write. your atla!au (and the newly brainstormed merlin!au) live in my head rent free and i can’t wait to read them if you write them.

@nnilkyway my fellow emo will truther <3 yvie i love you dearly. you are so incredibly talented i could scream abt ur artwork literally for days. your fanworks and your original art and your doodles are all beautiful and stunning. the day we started talking and you sent me the lil doodle you did of emo will byers i think i actually cried at how much i loved it and that it had come from our conversation about it. i saved it onto my camera roll so i can come back to it easier that's how much i love it. you are also one of the funniest people on here, your tags almost always have me rolling. i can't wait to see what beautiful art you draw in the new year.

@finalgirlbyers sierra lovqbrl madcleradin finalgirlbyers!!!! i know we haven’t talked much but i love seeing u on my dash and u always have the best takes and theories and just posts in general. i know i've said that literally multiple times to you but it cannot be overstated how correct you always are. one of my fav people to follow on here.

people i don't talk to but whose presence is a joy to have on my dash:

@astrobei an absolutely incredible writer that wrote some of my fav fics. one of the best will fics, not all the prayers, that truly is just so unbelievably amazing. like the care that you can just tell went into that fic is just incredible. Some absolutely incredible lines that will punch you right in the gut in the best way possible.

@blueeandyellowmakesgreen jade! one of the coolest people, has some of the most amazing art over on @azuries, like it's actually so amazing and people need to go look at it and reblog it now immediately

@mlchaelwheeler an absolute joy to follow. so many good posts and im fr rooting for mike with a sword in s5 just for her

@elmaxed their fics were some of the first i read in the byler fandom and i absolutely fell in love with them. they hold such a dear place in my heart. also one of the sweetest people fr, one of the first to compliment my gifs and so they are forever in my mind for that <3

@smoosnoom omg their fics!!! are!!!! incredible!!!! so many wonderful fics, i was just looking through my bookmarks and i swear half of them are theirs. the one about mike's will voice has my whole heart.

@wiseatom another lovely fic writer, and one who titles her fics with taylor swift lyrics bc she Gets It!!! also one of the sweetest people in the fandom, always seems to be supporting other people.

@kidovna one of the most talented artists in this fandom oh my GOD. i cannot praise her and her art enough idk how what else to even say besides amazing incredible talented showstopping

@byeler wrote one of my all time fav fics, Heavy Hopes, with my beloved trope, oblivious jealous mike, which is truly *chef's kiss*. such a good writer like it cannot be overstated

@ice-sculptures a truly amazing gifmaker. gifs so many little byler moments that are so precious that i've definitely missed when watching the show.

@william-byers an absolutely incredible gif maker. taylor swift and stranger things together on one blog, what more could you want?

@padme-amidala makes some of the most beautiful gifs ever oh my goodness, her gifs are part of what inspired me to start making gifs and to challenge my gifmaking. i hope to one day be as good as she is.

@robiinbuckley also makes some of the most beautiful gifs, literally in awe of her gifs. also inspired my gifmaking journey and has inspired me to challenge myself when it comes to gifmaking.

#personal #follow forever #blog recs

[evansbby]

BESTIE IM SOOSOSOSOSOS HAPPY POYT IS OUT but idk i couldn’t shake the feeling that i was reading a different fic, everyone was super OOC like omega being more brazen and yelling, i always imagined omega as more of the silent type and homegirl was BOLD, steve was just soo different..he was kinda giving manchild and pathetic and just different and i mean poyt!steve is a MANCHILD but idk they just didnt hit the same. It was the ending i expected and was glad that omega got her happy ending but i just wanted angst honestly. I expected peter to take her away and steve just like find them somehow, idk it felt like i was reading a different story, were you perhaps influenced by other characters because they felt a bit off…Anyway it was long and really happy 5 is out! SO SAD TO SEE POYT COMING TO AN END😭 AAH I MISS IT ALREADY, i feel like poyt 3 was like my fav chapter of the whole series, it just slapped and you’re a fantastic writer and i hope this message didn’t offend you in anyway! I just wanted to tell you my opinion, I CHECKED UR ACC EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR A POYT UPDATE(not joking 100% serious)

Oof. So when I first read this comment about a week ago, I was pretty upset and hurt by it. Again, I feel like it is very tactless to say this to someone who spent so long writing something and was so nervous about it being posted.

But okay, let’s get into it then…

1) you felt like it was out of character that omega was being “bold” by being brazen and yelling bc you imagined her as more of the silent type. Okay. So you just wanted to read almost 40k words of her being shy and stuttering and having absolutely no growth while the worst things in life happened to her and everyone just walked all over her? You wanted absolutely no character growth? You wanted her to just remain quiet and docile and never be comfortable. You didn’t want her to stand up for herself when this madman Bucky is about to SA her? You wanted her to remain all bashful and shy and quiet and not show any emotion when she found out her mother left her? Okay then… Look, I’m a very quiet person but sometimes when I’m pushed so far, I WILL react. I think it’s extremely weird of you to think someone would just remain shy and docile forever when such terrible things are happening to her. It’s like… what exactly did you want to read??? You didn’t want her to react to anything?? All that being said, I feel like she still WAS shy in the moments that weren’t her mom leaving or the confrontation with Bucky. Like she literally still is shy, it’s only when she’s being pushed to the limit that she reacts like almost anyone else in her position would. Do you think shy people don’t yell? I’m really confused…. Because omega has lashed out in the other parts too. In POYT 4, and POYT 3 and even in POYT 2. So… idec what you mean by that being OOC.

2) Steve being a “manchild” Girl… idk WHAT fic you were reading before POYT 5 bc Steve has ALWAYS given manchild vibes. Like always. But I think I know what you mean. It seems like you didn’t like that big strong tough alpha Steve was acting “pathetic” and having panic attacks. Because God forbid someone make their characters react different to different things and God forbid someone make their characters multi-faceted, right? I’m sorry it “didn’t hit the same” for you, but I don’t know what you thought you’d achieve by telling me this. I’m proud of how i characterised Steve, and many have told me his progression was realistic and the panic attack made sense. Steve has always been all over the place with his emotions, ever since POYT 4.

3) i literally cannot believe how you’ve actually sent me this and I will not be gaslighted by anyone chiming in being like “omg that anon didn’t mean to be rude” bc idec. This WAS rude. You’re complaining because the fic “didn’t hit the same” and you didn’t get what you were expecting. Fair enough, feel that way all you want. But I wrote this fucking behemoth of a fic for free, and I don’t need to see comments like this. Idec if you sprinkled in a few compliments at the end bc this was the most backhanded thing I’ve ever read. To the point where it’s almost laughable bc either you meant to be rude and backhanded, or you’re just not self aware enough.

“I expected Peter to take her away” okay? Do you want me to apologise for not writing the plot the way YOU wanted it to go? Bffr. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a fan of cliche stuff like that, I never intended for him to take her away. “I just wanted angst” There was angst. It was very angsty. If you want a more angsty fic, write one yourself.

“Poyt 3 was my fav, it just slapped” this is the most backhanded thing ever 😂😂😂😂 it’s like you didn’t want any progression, any resolution. WHICH AGAIN, that’s fine if that’s what you’re into! But write it yourself jfc.

I just want to ask you this. If you had written a 37k fic over the course of more than six months FOR FREE and then nervously posted it, only to get a backhanded message like this one… how would that feel? I mean it’s one thing if I was a paid author, then you can criticise me all you fucking want bc at least you’re paying me to read my shit.

But to read it and come back telling me the characters felt off, that you felt like you were reading a different story, etc etc. It is not nice. I remember reading this message a week ago and I literally burst into tears bc I was so sensitive. I wish you’d sent this not through anon so I could keep note of who you are and maybe block you or keep you away from my writing bc honestly? I don’t want you even reading it. But oh well.

And I know many of you will read this and say I’m overreacting but I don’t care. This is me being truthful. This wasn’t nice. Goodbye and please unfollow me.

#anon #poyt ask #poyt 5 ask #poyt 5 spoiler

[shortmage]

Hello! I’ve got a couple from the fanfic author questions I would like to ask you here ❤️

4, 11, 29, 43, 49, 58

65. If you wrote a sequel to [Struck with Devastating Affection] what would happen in it? (I swear I’m not angling for anything here 😇)

And 72? ( Feel free to cherry pick if that is a way too long list of questions there ^^;)

ah, thank you thank you for letting me ramble ❤️❤️❤️

4. How do you choose which fics to write?

im honestly not sure, its really whichever idea/wip that my brain latches on to long enough for it to get finished. if its an idea i really really want to do, it'll get done sooner or later cause i'll spend more time just staring at doc until something comes loose but really anything that has it's own dedicated doc in my folder, even if it's completely blank with just the title/the line or idea that inspired me, i fully intend to write it at some point. so tl;dr i intend to/choose to write all the fics that come to me

11. Do you write scenes in order, or do you jump around?

oh i jump around SO BAD, even my big bang fic which had a general plot outline for pacing, i jumped back and forth between chapters. i dont think ive written a fic in order EVER

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

i think just improving since i started back writing creatively two or so years ago now. like re-reading back to those first few i published and what ive published recently, i feel really proud of my improvement!

43. Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet?

im not certain, i think maybe a werewolf fic cause that feels like such a ubiquitous fandom thing but i do have a wip for that, it's just a matter of actually getting it written

49. What fic of yours would you say is the best introduction to you as a writer?

oh.... now that is a difficult question. i think sfw it might be 'the maker won't mind' or 'i want us to eat well', cause they both came from such places of love for the characters. nsfw, hee hee, i think that might be 'who we belong to' cause i think i really popped off in that fic, lol.

58. Do you have a favorite piece of figurative language you’ve written?

i think it might be the din talking about his mother's dessert in relation to boba in 'struck with devastating affection' cause im really proud that the feeling i was aiming for got across but also because i didnt even notice that i made a vampire feel like something tasted like sunshine to them, LIKE sometimes when i write i just do things just right when my overthinking brain shuts off and just lets the writing brain take over

65. If you wrote a sequel to [Struck with Devastating Affection] what would happen in it?

oh angle all you like, truly. i mean i do really really really want to write a sequel at some point, and i think it kind of planned that from the beginning. or if not the immediate start then not long after it was finished, cause i just really got caught up in what worldbuilding was there and i think there's places to go with it. and if nothing else, ive somehow amped up the sexual tension in BOTH of the vampire fics ive written and then cut to black, so i should really give them a nsfw follow-up in some degree, lol.

72. What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten?

i honestly love every single comment and compliment i get and i hold them so dear but any time someone says they feel that i've gotten a character's voice right just really gives me the warm fuzzies. OR, speaking of, any time someone has said a fic feels like a warm hug to them! MAKES ME SOB TBH

#long post #mage answers #mage writing

[woodswolf]

4, 11, 18, 21, 35, 49. Feel free to answer as many or few as you so desire

writing ask game

4. Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?

i have not been, but i maybe would like to be someday. i have some original ideas floating around (most of which have been for years), but it's like. i have a 9-5, i have games to play, i have other hobbies i like to do. if i DO happen to find an original idea that's just so wild that i HAVE to write it that's one thing, but im not gonna go out of my way to write something just to get published.

11. Books and/or authors who influenced you the most

there's only one thing that specifically comes to mind for this question and it's a fanfic that i first read when i was 16. but that's not necessarily an influence in terms of writing style, more like it literally rewired my brain and my analysis of it strongly influences my personal philosophy to this day: "hope is in everything but it is most present in places where it feels absent".

it's easier to break things down by individual works. for instance, my current wip is explicitly a "response" to two other fics i read last year that pulled off the same concept in different ways, with nods to other stories i've read and liked. (i also just realized as i was answering this that it's probably also a subconscious response to another fic i read a few years ago? it had really good disability rep but then kinda undercut itself via stapling on a romantic subplot — it blurred the very sharply-focused themes of disability rights and empowerment by mixing that with "oh but your new boyfriend is evil so :/". it's still a really good fic but this specifically irked me.) and by virtue of being a story about hope and its absence it kinda is indirectly a tribute to that first fic lol

18. If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?

ooooh kinda hot take but i actually Don't like collabs all that much. i've only done a few, but none of them were great experiences. it's probably due to the fact that basically all of them were group-events-with-random-partners kinda things and someone always has to get matched up with the 13y/o, but i've never been able to look on the end results as something i was proud to participate in — they've always ended up pretty mediocre and left me with the feeling of "if i just wrote all of this myself it would suck way less".

a one-on-one more focused collab with co-plotting and more coordination and so on would probably be more fun, but i don't really have any writer Friends (at least not that i talk to on the regular) so it's kinda a moot point. me and my partner have talked about doing a combo collab at some point, though — they have a lot of very interesting ideas for a splatoon au that would play nicely into both of our strengths (writing/art) and i think that could really go somewhere interesting.

21. Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?

i've really been enjoying the hocotate ship. kinda kooky, kinda smarmy, kinda sarcastic, just a really interesting bag of traits that i haven't previously written all that often.

in general, though, i would have to say olimar, and yes this is accounting for all of the years and years of julien ninjago. olimar is that same kind of "very introspective character who has a strained relationship with their family due to external forces", but unlike julien, who i've always written as being very anxious about keeping up appearances, olimar isn't really anxious at all (at least more than would be normal for someone who ends up in the situations he does on the regular). his problem is that he has a martyr complex taller than the empire state building and zero awareness that Actually That's Kind Of A Bad Thing.

35. What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?

a few weeks ago i would've said DLDP2, which is the (mainline) sequel to my current wip, but i did a bit of thinking about how to plot things out there and it's a bit better now. it probably still is DLDP2, because there's a lot of other shit i still have to figure out there, but at this point it might be a case of "the devil you know" since DLDP3 and DLDP4 are almost certainly in vaguer states than DLDP2 is. but those two are also years off from being written probably while DLDP2 is Less. but who knows if i'll ever get around to it anyway, the only story i will be MAD if i don't get to wrte it is the DLD's spinoff sequel since that's where a lot more of the disability stuff is going to come into play.

49. Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

man i have no idea. definitely NOT olimar though at least if he was still 1 inch tall like that. i am afraid of him i would need to kill him to put him out of his misery. what cruel God has condemned them to such forms (and surely it must be a cruel God)?

#writing ask game #dogs leading dogs #my posts

[aliensunflower-fics]

In Defense of Salt AND Sugar: Aka ML Fandom pls chill out.

So I don’t talk much as those who follow me will say I tend to just stick to myself and my own things. HOWEVER, Ive gotten a lot of asks about why I write both Salt and Sugar for Miraculous Ladybug.

The short answer: Both salt and sugar are valid, fun, intriguing things to read and write and the point of writing is to entertain and be entertained.

The long answer: Salt isn’t inherently someone hating on your fav show and sugar isn't someone necessarily giving it a free pass either. Ya’ll are just dramatic as hell.

The LONGER answer:

I write salt because I LIKE Miraculous Ladybug, BUT the show has not lived up to its potential AT ALL. The show could be so much better and the characters are so flawed or full of holes that occasionally I feel FRUSTRATED and mad!

I hate that Alya a character who I was so excited about, gets shafted ignored, sidelined, or written like a jerk! She could have been this great detective working alongside her friend to unmask the villain, but instead she often comes across as pushy, obsessed with Ladynoir or Adrinette, and so damn easily tricked. Not to mention how when shes not gushing over her ‘ships’ shes pushed to the side and ignored. [or you know... LILA]

I hate that Marinette’s crush makes her do things that are so cringy and awkward i feel ill I hate that she’s constantly the only one making mistakes and ‘learning lessons’ when the show has all these other great characters that could use the spotlight and be the ones learning lessons. I hate that she’s so jealous and that she cant ever seem to catch a break as if the show is punishing her constantly.

I HATE that Adrien is a mary sue, how the writers say hes perfect and treat him as such, I hate that he gets to guilt Marinette into fixing everything and dealing with bullies, I wanted a funny, Ron Stoppable, naive boy who learns about real friendships and grows into a great partner. Instead he gets to be pushy and downright a jerk as Chat Noir ignoring his responsibilities, guilting Ladybug with his feelings, never taking no as an answer. He’s not a good role model for kids.

I hate that Chloe got built up to have a redemption arc several times only for the writers to decide that Chloe a teenage girl who needs some serious therapy [and actual reasonable punishment for her actions] is worse than Gabriel child abuse Agreste. She could have been a great lesson on compassion and growth and dealing with your own pain without hurting others. Instead the writers wrote her off completely.

And dont get me started on how the show treats Nino, Kagami, Luka and the rest of the cast. They may as well be a backdrop for the forced love square that we NEVER get a break from. Seriously I’m a sucker for romance but does it need to be EVERY damn episode?! Can’t we just get some wholesome friendship between everyone including Adrien and Marinette at this point like COME ON.

And i’m not even touching on the white washing, awful lessons on responsibility and forgiveness, awful lessons on well so much other stuff really, the guilt trips, the teacher, the fact that she show could be used to teach kids how to better handle negative emotions and the importance of open communication and not keeping quiet about injustice and/or your feelings but instead decided that the main priority should be a love square that gets force fed to us EVERY SINGLE EPISODE.

My point is the show has FLAWS. That doesn’t mean its the worse show ever and it doesn’t mean its not fun, and has a great premise and characters, and so when I write Salt I write it because i’m frustrated! Im frustrated with the show, with the characters, with the writing and so I vent that out with salt I write those characters as their worst selves because I cant stand how the show has decided to treat them and Im ANGRY and disappointed.

It feels good to write salt and to read it. It’s nice to see characters get called out for bad behavior, its nice to read about Adrien not getting the girl. Its nice to occasionally indulge in salt because it validates that the show is flawed and lets you get out that frustration.

BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE

Miraculous Ladybug is a lovely show. It’s a show that decided to give little girls a FEMALE HERO. And not just as a side kick or background character! No they made her the protagonist! Its so important to me that little girls see good well rounded female characters in media.

And even if the show is clumsy about it they are TRYING to build an expansive lore that tickles the theorist brain. And gets people invested in the world.

The show also made Marinette shy, and awkward, and clumsy something a lot of girls deal with during puberty as growing up can literally make you clumsier as your body adjusts. Having a character who tries to be positive and tries to find solutions who solves things with creativity instead of pure violence. Thats LOVELY for young girls to see.

Growing up I loved and admired Kim Possible, and probably would have loved Marinette, even if the shows not perfect I can admit its trying and I can see why people love it as much as they do! And why they write these fluffy sugary fics its the reason I WRITE fluffy sugary things.

Because even though I am frustrated and angry and disappointed with the show, I still see Alya’s potential and how great she is as representation to little girls who want a black female superhero so I write fluff where Alya’s loyalty, compassion, cleverness and her pursuit of justice are center stage.

I see how Adrien could be better and I want him to be better and I WANT him to be the naive funny comic relief the Ron Stoppable to Marinette’s Kim Possible. I want Adrien to grow and learn and spit in his dad’s face I want him to overcome the abuse and be happy. To show people that neglect and abuse doesn’t mean you will get stuck like that forever, that you can overcome that and be a better kinder person.

I want Nino and Kagami, and Luka and Chloe and the class to grow and get attention and have funny moments I want to laugh and make other people laugh! So I write prompts focused around comedy and shenanigans and where the characters get to be fun and silly and make decisions for themselves!

SO IN CONCLUSION:

I write salt AND sugar. I see the value and merit in both sides of the coin, and I respect how other people see the show. I know its easy to get angry with other people in the fandom who see the show differently then you do but please can we put down the weapons and just BREATHE.

Someone who writes salt might LOVE the same show as you, and they might in fact love it so much that they vent their frustrations in angst and salt and cracky fics. Let them vent about how they wish the show was better, leave their tags alone or block them if you cant stand to see it. But dont attack salt writers for ‘hating on your show’ when they might love it just as much as you do but want a way to vent out their feelings.

On the flip someone who writes sugar might NOT be forgiving the show for its flaws, they might see all the same flaws as you but decide to take that frustration and write fluff and fix it fics and sugar because they want to indulge in a version of their favorite show where everything is just... OK. Where everyone is well written and happy and the character development sticks. Stay out of their tags let them have their sugar, they aren't writing it to hurt you just like you don't write salt to hurt them.

So ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each others tags. Let people write SALT if they feel angry and vengeful and disappointment, let them have their tags, let them explore the dark side of the characters, let them rant and rave and be HURT when the characters they love upset them with their actions. Its not your place to tell them to stop, to tell them their feelings are invalid, to tell them that ‘adrien is sweet sunshine boy how dare you’ or ‘alya would never’ or ‘i hate your marinette leaves dupont au’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

AND ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each other tags. Let people write SUGAR if they just want something to feel happy about. Let them makes coffee shop au’s, let them make fix it fics where everything is just happy without needing 8 pages of backstory for why everything is just happy. Let them squeal and gush and talk about the ship they like and the fluff they see. Its not your place to argue with them that the show is flawed, its not cool to ruin their fun by accusing them of not understanding the flaws, to tell them ‘umm actual this character shouldn’t get to be happy’ or ‘wow this is so shallow’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

PS: Now with that said and done. I do have one final message for everyone - If you write/enjoy pedophilia, if you sexualize KIDS. Then get the fuck out of fandom spaces, stop fucking following me, and do everyone salt and sugar a favor by LEAVING. Your pedophilia and child sexualization aint wanted, aint ok, and I will fight you.

PSS: IF YOU HATE WHAT IVE SAID ABOUT SUGAR AND SALT FINE OK I RESPECT YOU REGARDLESS. ENJOY THE SHOW, STAY CLASSY, DONT HURT PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION.

#its just me #ml salt #ml sugar #adrien salt #adrien sugar #alya salt #alya sugar #chloe salt #chloe sugar #miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #alya cesaire #class salt #class sugar

[arofili]

i haven't read the silmarillion or anything related but i was wondering how do elves's fëas work?? like i read somewhere about them sharing this fëa bond with people they marry so their fëas meet and that's what makes the marriage marriage in the first place. but im not really sure about that, don't people's fëas normally touch even if they're not married? and what happens if they do touch? this is weirdly specific but im just curious,,,you don't have to answer if you don't want to ofc! thank you if you do answer my curiosities haha and you still don't, ty too! (i asked you this bc i feel like you have a lot of knowledge about elfs)

Hey anon! So, a lot of what you're talking about is fanon, though it does have basis in canon. From "Laws and Customs among the Eldar" we learn about fëar and hröar and elvish (largely Noldorin, to be specific) marriage customs.

It's worth noting, though, that LaCE underwent many revisions and is a highly dubious document as it was written in-universe by Aelfwine, a mortal from the 9th century CE who found the Straight Road to Valinor. That concept in and of itself is a framing device for Tolkien's "translation" of the Red Book into English, and isn't one he kept consistent throughout his writing or one he was ever fully satisfied with - it never made it into the texts published within his lifetime, and doesn't make an appearance in the published Silm, either. And as I said in a previous meta dealing with LaCE:

Maybe this is something Tolkien changed his mind on between writing LaCE and writing this section of what became the published Silm. Or maybe this is an in-universe distinction: the in-universe writer of LaCE is unclear but implied to be a human, not an elf, possibly Aelfwine; the writer of the Silm as we see it is Christopher Tolkien’s edits of JRRT’s translation of Bilbo’s translation of Noldorin loremasters, the chief of whom was Pengolodh. It’s complicated.

That being said:

LaCE doesn't actually offer that much information on the nature of elvish fëar in relation to marriage. We do get the quote that "It was the act of bodily union that achieved the marriage, and after which the indissoluble bond was complete." Since human concepts of marriage are mostly legal/social engagements, and by no means indissoluble, this strongly implies something different is going on with elven fëar when they marry, but it's not stated outright. Still, the wording of "bond" in relation to "marriage" gives rise to the fan-embellished concept of a "marriage bond" that is very popular in fic/meta about elf marriages.

This concept is further supported by the description that a "greater share and strength of their being, in mind and body" is required for elves to create children (when compared to Men). It implies a closeness between a married couple where their "minds" (aka fëar) are as involved in the child-making process as their bodies. Later it is specified that after marriage, elves remain individual people with individual "gifts of mind and body that differ" - a strange thing to emphasize if there was not the possibility for misconstruing married elves as becoming literally one being.

For elves, marriage is forever: the Valar state that "marriage resides ultimately in the will of the fëa." Yet later in the same paragraph, it is explained that elves who are re-embodied need to be married again, because marriage is also of the body and the first body had perished. Confusing!

There are more notes about fëar in this essay, and the concept is mentioned in other places as well, but that's the basic gist of the concept AFAIK. (I highly recommend perusing LaCE yourself if you're interested in this topic! And remember that this is fandom, you can accept or discard certain aspects of the document as you see fit. I know I do.)

Most of your questions deal in extrapolation from canon - I would argue there's a strong basis for the concept of a marriage bond in LaCE, but it's not explicitly spelled out. I can't give you firm answers, but here are my personal headcanons about fëar and bonds. Everything that follows is headcanon, unless I explicitly state otherwise.

Elves are born with bonds with their parents; these bonds are important for the health and happiness of a growing child. (There's another line in LaCE about how the parting of parents and children in their youth is "a grievous thing," which is my starting place for this particular headcanon.) I also think that they have bonds with their siblings, though this is less supported; I just think that living with and sharing parents with someone is likely to foster the slower/less formal creation of a bond. Twins, however, are born with strong bonds between one another, having shared a womb.

(I also think certain Unbegotten elves - aka the first 144 elves who awoke at Cuiviénen - came into being with bonds, thus allowing for Unbegotten elves to have siblings, like Elwë, Olwë, and Elmo. But you could also argue that, depending on how you deal with timelines, those three brothers are not Unbegotten and were born the "normal" way.)

Then there are chosen bonds. These are the kind we hear discussed (albeit vaguely) in LaCE. Marriage bonds specifically are formed when elves "unite in body" and invoke the name of Eru. My personal (aroace) take on this is that sex makes the process of bonding much easier and faster, the naming of Eru and the intent to bond is what's really important, so if a couple would rather not have sex they can still bond. And it also opens up room for debate on which specific sexual acts count when it comes to bonding, what would happen if Eru's name wasn't invoked, etc.

But I also think bonds can be created in contexts other than marriage - found family, for example. I've seen this most discussed in the context of Kidnap Dads, but it could apply in many scenarios: you decide you want X person to be part of your family, and that means you want to bond with them. In the case of orphaned children, if you go with the idea that they need a parent-child bond in order to develop properly, this could provide substitute/adoptive parents to fill that role. Or it could be that you feel like a certain person is your sibling, but you weren't born of the same parents, but you still want them to officially be your family, so you form a sibling-bond with them. These are bonds that occur without the ~physical union~, and therefore take more time and effort, and thus are less common - but they do happen.

All these bonds are basically the same in terms of function: they make ósanwë (mind-to-mind/telepathic communication) much easier and more natural, they connect two fëar together in an indissoluble way, they show a depth of commitment and love between the bonded eldar. But they are valued differently in society, and created/brought into being in different circumstances.

As for fëar "touching" - that is, in my opinion, poetic license for communication/closeness through such a bond. If you touch your spouse's fëa, for example, that's connecting with them to see how they're feeling, possibly passing along comfort or a message, etc. This "touching" is basically ósanwë, I guess? Which, in my headcanon, you can do if you're not bonded to someone, it just takes more effort and closer proximity if you don't have a bond in place.

Hope this helps, anon! Feel free to send in another ask if you have more questions!

#silm #silmarillion #silm meta #laws and customs among the eldar #lace #lace meta #tolkien meta #my meta #headcanons #fear and hroar #marriage bonds #my writing #tefain nin #long post #anon #answers

[oikawaplssteponme]

The Apartment: part 5

▪️for parts 1-4, click here

pairing: Kuroo Tetsurou x fem! reader

rating/warnings: swearing, angst (?)

synopsis: You knew that living with your three best friends, Kuroo, Oikawa, and Bokuto, would be a wild ride. It’s never a dull moment with those three. Let’s just hope you can keep your huge crush on Kuroo a secret when he is only a room away.

a/n: hi friends✨i hope you all are doing well:)) just a friendly reminder to eat something today and stay hydrated 💕 as always, my inbox is open for anything and everything so feel free to reach out:) and the taglist for this fic is still open if you’d like to join✨ okay, enjoy xx

•

Five: best friends

“Okay do you have all your bags?” You asked. Bokuto nodded, holding a backpack and small suitcase.

“Yes Y/N.”

“And your phone? And your pillow, because I know you hate hotel ones. And-“

“Y/N calm down you’re going into ’mom mode’,” said Kuroo. You rolled your eyes.

“I just wanna make sure he has a good trip.”

“Akaashi will take care of him, don't worry,” smiled Kuroo.

“Do you not want me to have a good trip?” pouted Oikawa. You put your arm around him and smiled.

“Oikawa, I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t come back.” You joked.

“I fucking hate you,” he growled, pushing you away. You laughed and ruffled his hair.

“I love you both okay, now get out of here, Iwa and Akaashi are probably already outside,” you smiled. The four of you gathered for a group hug. Oikawa was off to his mini getaway with Iwa and Bokuto was joining Akaashi for his writers conference. The apartment would be just you and Kuroo.

“Hey, Y/N,” called Bokuto. He pulled you aside and whispered something in your ear.

“Remember what I told you.”

You sighed, remembering well what Bokuto had told you those days ago. You nodded.

“Farewell my lovely apartment! You two better not burn the place down while I’m gone,” said Oikawa.

“No promises,” smiled Kuroo. He pushed Oikawa out the door as Bokuto followed.

“Bye you two, we love you!” You cheered. Kuroo shut the door behind Oikawa and Bokuto, leaving you alone with him.

“You act like they’re never coming back,” laughed Kuroo.

“Not my fault I’ll miss them. I don’t remember the last time I went more than a week without them,” you explained. Kuroo nodded.

“Wanna grab some food after class?” Asked Kuroo. Your face felt warm.

“Uh yeah that sounds good.” You and Kuroo both had a lecture together today for your marketing course.

“Just give me 10 minutes and we can head to class,” you said. Kuroo nodded. You went inside your room and saw that Oikawa had left something on your bed. You picked it up and it read: “I suggest you use this before it expires”. You turned the card over, and saw that it was a coupon for 10% off a purchase at Party City. You groaned and threw the card away.

“Dickhead,” you mumbled.

“Who, me?” said Kuroo. You jumped.

“Kuroo oh my god you have to stop sneaking up on me like that,” you ordered. Kuroo laughed and sat down on your bed.

“Hurry up I don’t wanna be late.” You sighed and grabbed your jacket and shoes from your closet and slipped them on.

“Fine then let’s go.”

~

You and Kuroo walked a couple blocks to campus. Your lecture hall wasn’t too far away.

“A 3 hour lecture never gets easier,” you sighed. Kuroo patted your shoulder.

“Come on Y/N, don’t you just love getting all that knowledge thrown at you.” You rolled your eyes.

“Marketing is boring, even a nerd like you could agree,” you joked.

“Okay fair,” smiled Kuroo. The two of you reached the lecture hall and took a seat next to each other.

“Hi Kuroo! Mind if I sit here?” a voice said. You turned to see a girl standing next to Kuroo.

“Oh Calie, hi, yeah sure,” said Kuroo. The girl joyfully sat down next to Kuroo, causing you to clench your fists.

“Uh Calie, this is my friend Y/N, Y/N this is Calie, we have organic chemistry together,” explained Kuroo. The girl flashed you a dazzling smile. Great, she's pretty and smart. You shook her hand firmly.

“Wait aren’t you guys roommates too? That must be so fun living with someone like Kuroo,” giggled Calie. You gave her a sarcastic smile. I already hate this bitch.

“Yeah we’ve been friends forever so I definitely get my fair share of Kuroo.”

“Well you’re probably so sick of him, mind if I borrow him after the lecture?” She asked. Calie wrapped her hand around Kuroo’s bicep. You had to stop yourself from beating the shit out of her.

“Well actually-“ you began.

“Sure that sounds fun. You don’t mind right, Y/N?” said Kuroo. Is he being serious right now?

“So I’m supposed to grab dinner by myself?” You whispered, without thinking. Kuroo’s eyes widened. Calie gasped.

“You can come with us! I’d hate to leave you all alone,” She smiled.

“Yeah come with us,” said Kuroo.

“No no it’s fine, you two have fun. I’d rather be alone anyway,” you muttered. Before Kuroo could reply, your professor had walked in and began his lecture.

~

Your lecture felt longer than normal. Probably because all you could focus on was Calie’s giggles as she whispered with Kuroo throughout the whole 3 hours. Kuroo was always good with the ladies. His confident nature caused girls to be drawn towards him. Yes, you liked him too but you liked all of him, not just the surface level of Kuroo.

You tried to contain your annoyance with Calie and Kuroo. It was obvious she was flirting with him.

“See you next week,” said your professor as he wrapped up his lecture. You got up from your seat and began packing up your things. You didn’t look at Kuroo and headed right out the door.

You began walking back to your apartment when you heard Kuroo call after you.

“Wait Y/N-chan!” You turned around to face him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to hang with me and Calie? She’s really nice once you get to know her,” he said. You almost rolled your eyes.

“No it’s fine. I promised I’d FaceTime Oikawa now anyway,” you lied. Kuroo raised an eyebrow.

“Well if you say so. I’ll grab dinner with you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah sure. Make sure you have your key to the apartment or else I’m locking you out,” you said. Kuroo laughed and nodded.

“Bye Y/N!” cheered Calie. You gave her a wave and watched as Kuroo ran back towards her.

-

You walked back to your apartment, upset. Kuroo had every right to hang out with other girls but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. It was just another reminder that Kuroo might not share the same feelings as you.

The apartment felt weird being so empty. All dark and quiet. You threw your keys on the counter and plopped onto the couch. You checked your phone and saw a plethora of texts from Oikawa.

i've been in the car FOREVER -sent 5:35pm

my legs are cramping -sent 5:40pm

do you think if i asked Iwa to stop for a bathroom break he would be mad? -sent 5:41pm

bc we just stopped 30 minutes ago and i said i didn’t need to go -sent 5:43pm

but now i do -sent 5:47pm

update: he stopped for me🤩 -sent 6:01pm

y/n answer me -sent 6:37pm

im bored -sent 6:38pm

you better be buying that maid costume -sent 6:40pm

that coupon expires soon -sent 6:41pm

btw bokuto forgot his pillow but he told me not to tell you -sent 6:52pm

oops -sent 6:52pm

wyd -sent 7:03pm

You laughed at your phone. Good to see you weren’t the only one missing your friends.

well im currently sitting alone in the apartment as kuroo ditched me for some girl -sent 7:15pm

HE DID WHAT -sent 7:18pm

maybe im being dramatic but he’s kinda on a date with some girl from his organic chemistry class -sent 7:19pm

i bet she’s ugly -sent 7:19pm

no she’s gorgeous -sent 7:20pm

fuck

well

im gonna beat his ass

how dare he -sent 7:20pm

it’s fine

maybe it’s better im alone rn anyway

gives me time to get over him -sent 7:21pm

come on hun

don’t say that

don’t give up -sent 7:25pm

idk toru

i feel like it’s never gonna happen

especially when he could have someone like her -sent 7:27pm

bokuto said it best: kuroo would be stupid not to like you -sent 7:28pm

i guess he’s stupid then -sent 7:30pm

:(((

okay Iwa and I got to our hotel but I’ll talk to you later okay love? -sent 7:33pm

okay

bye shittykawa -sent 7:34pm

why do you hurt me? -sent 7:35

You set your phone down and checked in the kitchen for anything worth eating. You weren’t in the mood to go out anymore.

Rice. We have rice. Well, rice it is.

You took out the rice cooker and began to prepare your sad dinner.

Why didn’t I just go with them?

As the rice cooked, you sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. You put on ‘Gilmore Girls’, wishing your friends were there to watch it with you.

~

It was late. Close to 11pm. Kuroo still wasn’t home. You laid on the couch, basking in your loneliness. A little dramatic yes but you hated being without your friends. It was a weird concept that they had friends beside you.

You heard keys jingle outside the door and you felt a wave of comfort come over you, knowing it had to be Kuroo. You got up from the couch and peaked at the door.

“I was starting to wonder what happened to you…” your voice trailed off when you saw that Kuroo wasn’t alone.

“Hey Y/N! Oh my gosh your apartment is so cute!” said Calie. Your jaw dropped and you looked over at Kuroo.

Your expression had to be screaming: “are you fucking kidding me right now!?”

“Oh uh thanks,” you muttered.

“Is it cool if Calie stays for a bit? Her roommates are having people over and she doesn’t know them too well,” explained Kuroo. Hmm I wonder what that’s like.

“You don’t have to ask me, it’s your apartment too,” you said plainly. Kuroo raised a brow.

“Just checking…”

Calie walked around your small apartment, admiring all the decorations that you had up.

“Aw isn’t this the cutest photo!” She said. She picked up a picture of you and Kuroo. It was when you had gotten dressed up together to take graduation pictures. Your smile was the brightest it’s ever been. Holding your diploma as Kuroo wrapped his arm around you. In the background of the photo you could see a faint image of Oikawa and Bokuto.

“Yeah I love that picture,” Kuroo smiled. Kuroo took the photo from Calie’s hand and looked at it.

“Best friends, right?” He looked at you. Your heart sank.

“Yup, best friends,” you whispered with a dull smile. Kuroo smiled and showed Calie to his room. You tried not to react. You walked over to your room, locked the door, and curled up onto your bed.

Is best friends all we are ever gonna be?

•

[taglist OPEN: @vangoghpoets @vangoghmusings @lilnuances @tetsoleil @cloudswritings @foxyyychan @tamaguchi @jessie9008 @bitandbytes @yeehawnana @166cm @bigchaosenergy @tumbledor3 @captain-janeway @answer-the-sirens @simpletype @ysatrap @stinkybitch1919 @bokutory ]

#willow.🌸 #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #hq #kuroo tetsuro x you #hq kuroo #kuroo x you #kuroo tetsurō #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x y/n #kuroo x reader #bokuto #oikawa tōru #the apartment.🌸

[boogiepilgrim]

thanks for tagging me @taste-thewaste, love ya ⭐

fic writer interview

name: bethany (bluemoves98)

fandoms: ok first off i wanna say i dont . consider myself a fic writer? the one on my account ^ began on a whim. back in the sweet days of yore, summer 2019, on like my fifth watch of rocketman. the part where bernie says "we'll go to my raench. we’ll hide awaehy" hit, and i was like...... um. holy fucking shit. the idea was born. and so i was like, omg i bet ppl ARE writing fics about this. so i went, and i 👀, and i saw the dynamics people were wanting to read about, etc... & the particular one i skimmed through didnt do it for me. like, it just wasnt.. believable where it needed to be, stuff like that. ppl were wanting to read/write about an abusive relationship, but that random one, to ME, was totally off the mark. so, i took the idea i had (the ranch idea, which had branched by this stage into the telephone thing..), and concocted a story that depicted that in a more accurate, there-is-absolutely-nothing-sexy-about-this way. the answer to this question is: rocketman

two-shot?: i..do not know what this really means. i know what a one shot is? hmmm. perhaps you could consider nlh a two-shot considering im lich writing a companion story for it ☺️ xx stay tuned for that x

most popular multi-chapter fic: there only is one babey. out now. sequel coming soon........ im hoping august 8th... . but lets call it "soon"........ . ..

actual worst part of writing: like you said, ambie, finding the time to actually do it. with work n whatever else, it's hard to find stress-free time to do it sometimes

how you choose your titles: in true traditional fashion, title and chapters were all lyric excerpts that i felt pertained in some typa way

do you outline: i doooo. i think you need to, to some degree. like even the bare minimum. i DO love the freedom of taking it in any direction at any given time, but i also enjoy knowing where im headed and where i need to bring everything. the one im writing now, i think, is a lot more steadily outlined than the first one was.

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice: i dont actually plan on writing any more after this. ALTHOUGH i have a like lighthearted funny fantasy story based entirely on captain fantastic (the song) that has nothing to do with this, that i started writing on the side, in ye olde drafts. so who knows hunniez

callouts @ me: bitch, you didnt need to do bernie the fish so damn dirty. im sure ppl like @luzff, @rocketthem, @hobbit-with-tea, @killmypiano or anyone whos read it could answer this more accurately. or colourfully. fkhsjfjsjf id love to know

best writing traits: i havent got any idea. again, someone who has read it might be better at answering this.. ummm. something i wanted to accomplish w it was making it one of those fics you'd read that stays with u for some time, ur invested, it’s full of detail, lore. relatability. which i feel like i did. theres stuff to piece together or like draw ur own conclusions about since it's told strictly from one pov. a fair amount lies between the lines. another thing is it's obviously dark, but it's also like . not too serious in places, and as a whole has got like a charming element (regarding the good stuff). SO, more self promo: if you at all cared about nlh n the characters i made up, u may love the second (2nd) pov of it. because there is SO much that i put into nlh that will be brought to light and wrapped up in a NEAT little PACKAGE 🎁 in little miss qat

spicy tangential opinion: im on board w yours amber. one of mine would be: if youre going to write about experiences you havent experienced, even in a fanfic, i feel like you should at least do a lil research on the way. it helps your writing, and also prevents you from putting potentially harmful content out there

idk that many fic writers; i dont read them myself anymore. but i tag: @axlnchas, + anyone else who sees this and wants to 🧡

#long post #maybe? #im in work rn and it's slow so i shall ramble freely.

[atlascas]

DEANCAS FIC REC

(last updated 7/1)

FINALLY. this is like. just a place for me to rec and write excessively abt the fics i've been reading lately. it won't be organized but it WILL be very earnest and i'll keep it updated as i find/remember more. also i have obnoxiously high standards when it comes to fic so these ARE the cream of the crop, if u will. the god tier. the s tier. 

very loosely organized into "newer fic" and "classics." these are subjective categories. do what you will

✨ = new fic on the list

💖 = in my brain rent free!

CURRENTLY READING

these are the fics that i’m currently reading! may or may not get recced. usually i read the first couple paragraphs/lines and if i like the writing it gets bookmarked and put on this list.

lazarus needs a robe of scarlet thread by herrosesneverfall, 90k, canonverse au. dean starts getting stigmata. when i was getting back into spn there were a LOT of religious fics flying around bc that was the Hot Topic of Discussion. this was one of them

Three weeks ago, Dean woke up in a pine box. He thought dealing with the nightmares was going to be the most difficult part of his new life after Hell, but at least they were something he could understand. Something he could deal with. Something he deserved.

Then he began having agonizing visions of crucifixion. Wounds appeared on his body out of nowhere. Wounds that refused to heal and coated his skin with the sickly sweet smell of roses.

Stigmata are said to be the marks of saints, but Dean is not a saint and the wounds are only the beginning.

kingdom come by ahurston, 8.7k, coda to 15x18. cas gets to go home. im gathering all the s15 fix-its to my heart and holding them close

Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.

hunger by ellispark, 10.8k, s13 au. dean grieves cas, post s12 finale. perfect writing perfect awful heartwrenching characterization so far on dean’s end especially towards jack. nuanced emotional writing

Dean takes his meal and throws it away, plate and all. He's not hungry. How can he even begin to eat, knowing what he kept from Cas — what he kept from both of them?

They could have had something, and now all Dean has is this gaping, empty hole in his stomach, in his chest, and he has to learn to breathe and eat and move around it.

the law of equivalent exchange by awed_frog, 60.8k, canonverse. cas loving dean in all permutations of humanity, throughout time.

“And what’s the point of it?”

“Of love? There isn’t one. Loving is its own purpose.”

NEWER FIC

“newer” just means “i discovered it in 2020/2021 after coming back to spn fandom” so it very well could have been published before 2015 but really who’s checking. not me that’s for sure.

💖 so says the sword by komodobits, 85k, s4 au. cas guards the michael sword in the beautiful room. this is easily the MOST obvious rec on this entire list but it was the first fic i read when i got back into spn this year and jesus christ it set the bar sky fucking high. the way they create a coherent mythology out of the mess that is spn canon is incredible.

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’

Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected.

assimilation by komodobits, 5.6k, coda to 12x01. mary meets dean and cas and they go to find sam. such good character studies of all three of them. the best mary pov fic i’ve read

Mary always thought you were supposed to be able to tell. That you could just look at someone and know they were – you know. One of that sort. It’s not supposed to happen to her son.

cuckoo and nest by komodobits, 10k, ambiguously canonverse. dean and cas navigate relationship anxiety. cute, in character, and their relationship is realistic and the conflict well-written and emotionally nuanced and really really really good. 

For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental.

It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless.

💖 one white lie by komodobits, 11k, au. cas panics when trying to ask dean out and has to fake being a jehovah’s witness. it’s adorable and hilarious and it’s been ages since i actually got butterflies at a kiss in a fic but this did it. it did it. it felt like someone swaddled my soul in a cashmere blanket and kissed me on the forehead

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.

He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

a crash course in someone else’s history by annie d (scaramouche), 11.5k, set during s6. cas comes to as his s4 self without any memories of the past two years and has to figure out what the fuck is going on. it’s kind of like so says the sword. you’ll know it when you get to it.

Castiel is captured inside a trapping circle of holy oil set by Dean and Sam Winchester. The brothers call him "Cas", claiming that he has amnesia and that he is obligated to help them take down Crowley to atone for his betrayal of them. It's the strangest story Castiel's ever heard, and one he doesn't have time for because he's only just raised Dean from Hell and has work to get back to.

💖 cas and dean’s adventures in gardening by ahurston, 19k, post-canon au. a series featuring dean and cas living in the bunker, human. cas is very into plants. i read this yesterday actually and it made me smile SO much it’s just so lovely and sweet. i’m also a sucker for any fic where cas has a garden. he deserves a fucking garden okay

In this post-God world, everything is different. A little quieter, a little softer. Cas grows a garden, Dean cooks, and they take care of each other.

tall grass by aeli_kindara, 57k, post-s12. dean and cas live in the bunker on their own, and cas grows a garden. i did say i love fics where cas has a garden. plus domesticity, plus some good case fic, PLUS dean and cas’ relationship is so gentle and good

“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says.

Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away.

Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.

in a week by renrub, 2.3k, post 15x18. cas is in the empty. dean saves him. this is genuinely the best “dean pulls cas out of the empty” fic i’ve read so far like conceptually this entire thing just fucks. when cas is cycling through the barn scene. god. SO well written

Castiel is outside a barn covered in sigils. He frowns. This isn’t right. This has never been something he repented for.

i won’t even wish for snow by annie d (scaramouche), 5.6k, college au. cas goes to the winchesters’ for christmas. honestly scaramouche fics belong in the classics section bc she’s like an og deancas writer but whatever. mistletoe! banter! good in-character au! this fic’s got it all

It’s the third year that Castiel’s spending Christmas with his best friend’s family, and he expects it to be much like the previous two. Then mistletoe happens.

convenient husbands by annie d (scaramouche), 39k, canonverse au. cas is a phoenix, dean is a hunter. they get married and have a sick psychic bond. unexpectedly fluffy considering how the fic starts and i love the banter so much and dean/cas’ relationship gets fleshed out and organically developed it’s very cute

"It's only temporary, right?" Dean says. "Just until you're healed up, and then we'll never have to see each other again. So what do you say, Castiel, do you want to marry me or not?"

cinderwings by bendingsignpost, 181k, cinderella au. cas goes to a masquerade ball to save his people from an eternity trapped in a void. he meets prince dean. i can’t tell u how much this fic drew me in - thru good worldbuilding, but mostly thru cas’ social awkwardness. like it works PERFECTLY to his advantage in this fic and reading how expertly he manipulates social situations w/o any fucking idea what he’s doing is both hilarious and inspiring

Under the cover of a masquerade ball, Castiel has five nights to recover the key to his people's freedom. The world has changed greatly in the six centuries since their banishment into the void, but the task isn't impossible. Unfortunately for Castiel, this is going to involve talking to people - especially the Knight Prince who has taken an interest in Castiel and his "costume" wings.

as the crow flies by bendingsignpost, 3.4k, au. dean and cas go on a roadtrip. cas has wings! it’s so dreamlike and meandering and the slowburn is so good. honestly it reminds me of stevebucky/stevesam post tws era roadtrip fics if ur hip LMAO

Cross country road trips with Cas are the best.

long-term relationship by bendingsignpost, 2.7k, au. dean and cas have a Serious Conversation about their relationship.

Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Reflexively, Dean laughs.

Castiel does not.

“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”

all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers, 7k, ambiguously canonverse. dean is trans. dean and cas are fucking and lowkey hiding it from sam. perfect character study PERFECT trans dean fic it’s so fucking well-written 

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”

Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.

“I mean it,” Dean insisted.

“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”

💖 the love story of the runner up by margo_kim, 4.7k, ambiguously canonverse. cas tries dating other men. bear with me here. this is an outside pov fic from an oc named miguel who is WONDERFULLY characterized and very endearing like i find outsider/oc pov to be on Thin Fucking Ice bc it always ends up as fandom/author self-insert but miguel is his OWN MAN. he gets his own lil arc and everything. dean and cas are concentrated perfectly crystallized versions of themselves and the little glimpses we get of them are amazing. ALSO i wrote like 9k of an spn vent fic (basically the same premise but w an oc named marcus) back in like. freshman yr of hs. so when i first opened this fic i was like what the fuck someone’s been in my google docs. very weird experience 10/10 regardless

“So you saw a white man in a trench coat pop out in an alley,” Paul says, “and you thought, what, ‘I want to see where this is going’?”

“If you get hung up on details like that,” Miguel says, “it will take a very long time to get through this story.”

For a very weird era in his life, Miguel dates an angel who is in love with another man.

sunshine by northernsparrow, 8k, set during s13. dean and cas have a long conversation about their Profound Bond. the description left me off-balance (it really. really truly says “dean is straight in this fic” like okay bro WEIRD hill to die on) but it pulled through w the relationship study and reassurance and snuggles. a sweet fic

One-shot with a single conversation between Dean and Castiel, set in a late-S13-ish world. Gabriel, Cas, Sam & Dean are all living in the bunker together, Gabe's been cracking certain jokes, Sam's found a certain book, Cas is injured and isn’t healing... and it's all making Dean wonder if his angel friend might have some sort of a "bond" with... somebody? Whatever that means.

Maybe it's time for a talk.

💖 still life by catchclaw, 16.5k, post-s8. cas, newly human, goes to live on his own for a while. he and dean maintain a relationship thru the phone. this is LITERALLY the only first person fic i fucking respect okay like i was skeptical! i really was! but the pov is PERFECT and also my man kevin tran is in this fic and i love him and miss him very much. oh and cas going off to explore humanity on his own..............perfect arc. very much in character we love that for him

Dean'd always thought that falling in love was a capital letter kind of thing, an Important Event you carved into the calendar of your life and never, ever forgot. But with he and Cas, it wasn't that simple.

it’s mostly cowardice, and bad timing by ferritin4, 1.6k, pre-canon. actually this one is just a dean study it’s not deancas but i spent an entire night looking for it and i need someone else to read it too. dean is smart!!! SAY THAT

Dean gets his GED.

a list of reasons the bunker shouldn’t get a sofa by lizbobjones, 5.6k, set during s12. sam and dean and mary and cas haul a sofa back to the bunker. cute domesticity and fluff

Let me count the ways that this is a terrible idea.

no kingdom to come by domesticadventures, 16.8k, canonverse. dean and cas deal with being stuck in quarantine in different ways. this is the one and only quarantine fic i’ve read and it’s really good lmao. dean and cas’ relationship is so organic and tentative in this one

“We should fuck,” Dean says.

Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.

There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.

Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”

till the juice runs by deathbanjo, 8.4k, canonverse. it’s like dean’s being cursed to have bad hookups with men. SUCH a funny fic and the deancas tension is so simple and sweet and GOOD. plus cas is so enjoyably characterized here he’s so human and worn in and experienced in his own unique way. perfect use of rowena too

Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.

turn of the year by kototyph, 3.9k, canonverse au. sam and dean get stuck out in the middle of nowhere on the winter solstice. what i wouldn’t give for a full 80k of this verse actually. also i went on a kototyph binge after reading shut up put your money where your mouth is and they have a SOLID spn repertoire

Fifteen minutes later, Dean gets back in the car with empty hands and ice in his fucking eyebrows. “Get the map out,” he says through chattering teeth, sticking numb fingers under his arms.

Sam holds up the battered 1995 Rand MacNally they keep in the side pocket, turned to a page of uninterrupted green. “We’re going to die,” he announces.

💖 bullets in the gun by kototyph, 4.9k, canonverse au. cas is a cop (i know. still) who gets kidnapped by dean in an unfortunate turn of events. GOD this fic is SO FUNNY. cas’ canny and strategic escape attempts render him a very active VERY funny pov character plus the hate attraction to dean is PERFECTLY WRITTEN VERY BELIEVABLE. dean’s kindness also shines thru even as he literally holds cas hostage like!!!! PERFECT characterization. both of them are so LIKABLE here. if you read anything on this list read this

“Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m going to need to borrow your car.”

as you will by kototyph, 1.8k, victorian au. cas endures a proposal mishap. it’s cute it’s funny it’s sweet!

"No?" Castiel echoes, dumbly.

and if i was looking too? by kototyph, 2.6k, au. cas is undercover where dean works. this fic is just so cute like. bird angels.................

There are some things Castiel hasn't told Dean, and there are some things he doesn't need to.

the most important thing by northernsparrow, 94.5k, s10 au. amnesiac cas raising claire until he comes across someone familiar. claire is so well characterized here i really loved her arc thruout this fic. she just wants her dad back and u can’t even blame her the author rlly does an amazing job creating realistic and heartbreaking motivations for her. oh and dean and cas (esp cas characterization!) are sweet in this but honestly the highlight IS claire for me

Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he's struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car? (Canon-divergent from S10E11, when we first met Claire again and Dean was still struggling with the Mark of Cain. Takes places several months later).

there’s only one sure thing that i know by blinkiesays, 20.3k, post-s5. dean goes to help cas out in ohio and they end up building a home together. i love the writing it’s rlly funny and sweet.

Dean doesn't even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby's point: he's faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he's been defeated by the God damn Midwest.

💖 to an angel, love and worship are the same thing by geminisage, 10.3k, post s15 fix it. dean grieves cas - and then cas gets brought back back from the empty. i didn’t have this in my bookmarks so i MISSED it the first time around on this list but this was another one of the fics i came back to spn fandom to. it’s so fucking unique?? it actually reads like spn like i think fic tends to soften dean/cas up and makes them more emotional + emotionally intelligent than is ever shown in the show. here the dialogue/characterization adheres RIGOROUSLY to their communication in canon in that dean’s not overtly emotional, and cas is very reserved. they have to negotiate their relationship exactly like they would in the show. it’s all clipped conversation and anger and hurt and (warning btw) LOTS of internalized homophobia on dean’s end but it’s SO worth it. dean navigating his [GESTURES VAGUELY] everything is compellingly written, emotionally true, and PERFECTLY characterized. cas characterization also amazing like u rlly feel the quiet devoted bittersweet love. ok this was long clearly it’s a good fic go read it now

Just as Dean knew they would, the weeks do stretch into months, and then into a year. Grief never gets easier, Dean knows from experience, but you do get better at it. After all, you can get used to anything.

the violin house by teh_helenables, 8.5k, post-s5. dean and cas build a home after stull. so slow and lovely and sweet and gentle. i need to put this here so that i don’t forget it tbh. it’s very much dean as a war wife cas as the husband away on the front

The Apple Pie Life is a slow process, but Dean and Cas are getting there—until Cas is called for battle and Dean is forced to wait.

💖 muscle memory by komodobits, 18.9k, au. amnesiac cas wakes up three years in the future with dean in his kitchen. komodobits DOES NOT FUCKING MISS!!! i CRIED at the end of this i had NO INTENTION OF CRYING the rest of the fic isn’t even SAD i just had to sit there at the end of it w tears dribbling down my face. INSANE work of art

Dear Castiel,

Hello – it’s Castiel. This must all seem very confusing, and I’m sorry for that. Dean says to tell you that this isn’t some kind of ‘time-travel stunt’, although I’m sure that won’t be your first thought. I know it wasn’t mine. I’ve told Dean to leave now, as this is my notebook and I want everything in it to come from me – or rather, from you. I know you think it's the fifteenth of January, 2010, but it isn't. At the time of my writing this, the date is the fourth of October, 2013. Dean Winchester is your boyfriend of a year and a half, and you no longer work at the library, and in early 2010 you were hit by a car and hospitalised. I’m sorry.

a.k.a the 50 First Dates Dean/Cas AU where Castiel wakes up on a day just like any other, except that three years have passed without his knowing, and Dean Winchester is in the kitchen wanting to marry him.

don’t forget the experience points by annie d (scaramouche), 10.8k, au. cas is sam’s work friend, and he and dean get to know each other. genuinely an adorable fic. i adore cas’ characterization in this it’s snarky AND awkward AND confident in a way that i absolutely believe he would be if he had 30 yrs of human life under his belt

It's because Dean was an awesome brother than he took such an interest in Sam's new friend. No, really. What happened afterwards was mostly an accident.

actus fidei by manic_intent, 5.6k, canonverse au. dean’s a priest, cas is still his angel. i was HOOKED from the description alone like That’s Everything I Love in One Sentence. Cool!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the very first time that Castiel manifests in front of Father Dean Winchester, he gets as far as "Rejoice, for you are blessed-" before Dean shoots him with a salt-loaded shotgun.

not with a bang but a yelp by strange_estrangement, 1.4k, canonverse. team free will leave yelp reviews. this isn’t d/c actually it’s just a crack-ish fic but the formatting is cool and the references are SO funny and so well done

What happens when you visit dozens and dozens of motels every year? You leave Yelp reviews.

the courtship of combat by bendingsignpost, 18.2k, medieval a/b/o au. cas is politically coerced into fighting in a courtship melee for prince dean's hand, and he teams up with two unexpected allies to do it. I KNOW HOW THE ABO THING SOUNDS but i swear it's done well - it's by bendingsignpost so ofc he puts his own spin on the premise. im absurdly into it. PLUS jack is in it!!!!!!! it's technically an unfinished series but the first part is so good just on its own

When pressed upon to mate for a political alliance, Commander Castiel dares to refuse his king. As “I do not wish to mate at all” is clearly the wrong thing to say, Castiel takes the other path and lies. “You must know my affections lie elsewhere, my king.”

King Michael studies Castiel’s face long and hard. Then, with a nod, he snaps his fingers, pointing to Castiel. “The Winchester omega.”

“Yes,” Castiel says with no real recollection of who that is.

The ruse of an unavailable omega works well enough, right up until that omega is no longer unavailable. Then, with what seems to be his entire nation cheering him on toward victory, Castiel must enter the melee to win his mate. Backed by allies, training, and his own natural talents, the only question is how well he can contrive to fail.

four letter word for intercourse by bendingsignpost, 194.7k, au. dean calls a sex hotline. OH BOY solid characterization excellent plot/premise like bendingsignpost is so good at turning absurd premises into realistic, believable fiction. also sex hotline fic is usually a BIG turn-off bc of the power dynamics/one-sidedness of a relationship based on sex work but. BUT. bendingsignpost does it well! it’s not weird at ALL i started reading and was immediately reassured abt its intentions and its plot direction

As a grease monkey turned college freshman, Dean's constantly three seconds away from being stressed out of his mind. It hardly helps that he's finally figuring out his sexuality in his thirties.

What might help with that stress is a little phone number (and a big credit card bill). If he can't figure out how to be bisexual in person, he can at least give it a go over the phone, right?

(It's probably a bad idea, but he really can't help himself.)

the tunnel of love by xylodemon, 21.4k, post-canon. case fic! dean and cas have to kiss on a loveboat to solve a case >:)

"We might," Cas starts slowly, pausing like he's choosing his words. "We might have to kiss."

Dean just stares at him.

when you have a future. by firebog, 17.6k, post-s8. dean and sam and cas learning to be human post-apocalypse. reminds me of robotmango’s writing! it’s kind of eccentric and very very sweet and funny.

Sam closes Hell. Castiel closes Heaven. The heroes save the day. There's no Heaven or Hell waiting to cause the next big disaster. There's no more end of the world. There's only a squirmy feeling in his chest that feels a lot like freedom. So, now what?

(Things I promise you in this fic: dog poetry, rabbits, and fluff)

six inch heels by alitneroon, 2.3k, canonverse. dean does drag! excellent fucking character study. prose is fantastic

Dean does drag on a whim, and ends up in way over his head.

sharing is caring by gateskeeper, 2.5k, canonverse. five times dean and cas shared something and one time they didn’t. look. sometimes u just need some saccharine tropey fluff. it’s VERY well written

Sam knows that Dean and Cas have shared a lot together, but ever since Cas became human permanently, it seems like they've been sharing a lot more. 

Or: five times Dean and Cas shared something special and one time Dean refused to.

💖 empty spaces by schmerzerling, 60k, au. dean has to take care of his dying father, and takes up running to cope. that’s just the beginning. HEAVY trigger warnings for ED (specifically anorexia) and suicidal thoughts. there is a happy ending, but dean has to fight to make it there. god. okay. this is a dark fic. it’s also one of the most well-characterized fics i’ve ever read. dean’s spiral is excruciatingly accurate and written with the kind of wry compassion that comes from either extensive research or extensive experience. it’s also completely immersed in dean’s perspective - dean’s relationship w his dad, dean’s relationship w food scarcity, etc. it’s incredible. it’s kinda scary. it’s deeply sad. cas is explicitly autistic and it’s ALSO incredibly accurate and loving, and makes cas so true to his canon self. ugh. and i burst into TEARS at some of the accompanying art, which is so sparse and lonely and beautiful. 100/10 experience one of the best fics i’ve read this year

Dean is fine. The way he sees it, things are simple. He had a house and a family and food in his stomach, and now he doesn't. And yeah, that's a downer, but he's not going to let that stop him from being fine, because he's in control of the situation. He definitely doesn't need anyone to save him. And it's not like the weird guy with the nice butt from down the road is the knight-in-shining-armor type, anyway.

broken road by thegeminisage, 109.6k, 14x13 au. dean makes a wish and gets more than he bargained for. a lot of “john comes back” fics are kinda short on nuance, which this author has talked about a lot - and oh MAN does this fic deliver on nuance. john’s abuse is absolutely present, but his pov makes him a complex character instead of a flat caricature for dean to reject. and the way this fic resolves really makes it clear that the priority is dean’s emotional well-being over all else!!! this isn’t about dean taking the path fandom thinks he should take w his abuser (killing john, punching john in the face, etc), this is abt dean coming to terms w his abuse and finding his own emotionally satisfying way of resolving it. also dean and cas are in an established relationship and it’s very slow and sweet.

A 14.13 Lebanon rewrite. When Dean uses a wish-granting pearl to try and kill the archangel Michael before he can escape the cage in Dean's head, they instead wind up with a newly-resurrected John Winchester.

It's been more than a decade since John died, and a lot has changed: Mary is alive, Sam and Dean have what passes for a proper home in the Men of Letters Bunker, and they're living with angels. John doesn't know angels are real, he doesn't know about the fragile new relationship between Dean and Castiel, and most of all, he doesn't know that Dean said yes to Michael, or that Dean's plan to defeat Michael would send him to a fate worse than death.

Now Dean must contend with both his father asking questions he can't answer, and his loved ones learning about the darker truths of his childhood, all while constantly battling the archangel trapped inside him. But Dean coming to terms with his history may be the difference between this being the beginning of a journey—or the end. 

home is not a place by imogenbynight, 6.8k, post-s11. human cas struggles with belonging, and dean struggles with their relationship. this reads a lot like komodobits’ cuckoo and nest, but it’s its own sweet little thing. they watch movies!!! very cute 

In which Dean is the oblivious one for a change.

love: a retrospective by xylodemon, 40.7k, post-s12. dean tries to deal w cas’ absence after s12 and reflects on their relationship thru the years. this was written before s13 aired, so - no spoilers - but jack plays a different role than he ends up playing in canon. it’s kinda fun seeing ppl’s theories pre-s13 tbh. makes me VERY glad that they took jack in the direction they did in show. anyway this is THEE definitive “they’ve been fucking all along” fic

Pretending Cas is just his friend has been the only thing keeping Dean's head on straight for years. He never realized how much doing that depended on him making himself scarce in the morning ─ not until Cas came back and moved into the bunker.

✨💖 if it all fell to pieces tomorrow by spocklee, 37k, post-s15 fix-it. cas gets broken out of the empty - and he immediately makes a break for it. new fave fix-it!!!! the writing is so understated and so straightforward - SO in character for cas tbh - that every single emotional beat feels like a PUNCH. and there are so many amazing character moments it made my chest seize the fuck up!!!!! perfect characterization perfect relationship moments perfect cas/jack parenting moments. the yearning over the phone is OFF THE CHARTS and spocklee makes the most of that tension!!!! PLUS old canon characters get to make fun appearances!!!!! i cannot recommend this shit enough

After the Empty, Cas has to spend some time alone. Orpheus tries to convince Eurydice over the phone that it’s okay to turn around now.

✨ before and after breakfast by spocklee, 10.5k, post-canon. dean and sam and cas tackle a monster of the week case with unexpected consequences. perfect pov perfect relationship moments SUCH GOOD TENSION. again this writing style just lets the tension dial up to 1000% every word is meaningful and it makes my chest hurt!!! spocklee SHOULD have blown up during the spn renaissance and i STAND by that

The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.

CLASSICS

isn't it cool how every person has diff fics they consider "classics?" anyway these are required fucking reading. if u've been around these will prob be old news.

💖 asunder by rageprufrock, 23k, au. dean and cas go to sam's wedding. i reread this once a year like a religious ritual.

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Matthew 19:6)

💖 the girlfriend experience by rageprufrock, 15k, set during s5. dean teaches cas how to be human. mostly the sex part. literally the gold fucking standard of s4-5 era deancas fic and for deancas fic in general, personally

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

okay, cupid. by orange_crushed, 4.5k, au. dean tries to sign up for an ok cupid profile and has a revelation. as soon as i put this entry down i realized this entire fic rec was an exercise in futility, because if i could i'd literally just rec everything orange_crushed/robotmango has ever written. still one of THEE best authors in this fandom. go read all her fics. i’ll put the highlights here

"The dating thing?" Dean frowns. "Online dating is for weirdos. Robots. Dudes hanging out in their basements."

"You hang out in your basement."

"I have an air hockey table down there,” Dean says, icily.

💖 pwp: pie without plot by orange_crushed and majorenglishesquire, 82k, post-s8. sam and dean and cas quit hunting for a little bit to open a bakery. this is my comfort fic. i love it so so much.

he is in the kitchen with flour on his hands and an apron and there is flour on his forehead and cas leans across the counter and wipes it off with his thumb and dean says "thank you" and cas says "you’re welcome" very seriously and later dean makes apple turnovers and he only ruins them a little and sam realizes it’s not a real hunt like four days into it and he lets dean stay undercover for like a week and a half or longer maybe way longer because he is such a good everything

💖 la cucina by orange_crushed, 4k, post-s8. dean gets into cooking for a newly human cas. it's so gentle and loving and kind and makes me tear up every time. YES food is a comfort item and expression of love for dean. no i don't want to talk about it

Dean turns around and Castiel is picking through the jars, turning them over carefully to read the labels, totally engrossed. Dean watches him.

"Is there," Dean says, "uh, anything in there you like?" Castiel looks up at him and then back at the apples, sitting in a basket on the counter in their golden skins, ripe and pretty. Castiel smiles up at Dean.

"I don’t know yet," he says.

today, your barista verse by orange_crushed, 13.6k, coffeeshop au. a series of short sweet lovely fics where cas is a barista and dean is a smitten customer. literally the only coffeeshop au i respect

"Is that-"

"My number," says Dean, because he's a fucking champion, he's cool, he's collected, he's Captain Smooth of the USS Smoothtania, that's right. He is definitely not leaning against the counter for moral support. Cas doesn't looked seduced or impressed, though. He does not look like a dude who just met Captain Smooth and wants to ride the loveboat. He looks puzzled.

fata morgana. by orange_crushed, 6.6k, post-s9. dean is the king of hell. bela and cas team up to find him. bela pov. yeah you fucking heard that right BELA POV. BELA AND CAS!!!!!!!!!! makes me lose my mind i love everyone in this stupid desolate fucking hell wasteland.

The endless asphalt and broken road, the empty land and piles of human garbage, the unwanted ends of life, the cracked toys and broken screens and burning cars and gravel. Dean Winchester is the king of hell.

"Oh," says Bela.

That changes certain things.

💖 gran fury. by orange_crushed, 5k, pacific rim au. sam and cas pair up in a last ditch mission to save the world. permanently damaged me at age 15 and i've never recovered. major fucking angst warning.

They sit in silence and Castiel passes him the bottle. There’s not much left to say. Sam takes a gulp and it burns going down, like the cheap shit it is. He holds the bottle up against the light. He can see the Fury through it, distorted like a funhouse mirror. She’s a tomb but Sam loves her. Loves everything that’s left.

"To the end of the world," he says.

"To the end of the world," says Castiel.

💖 shut up (put your money where your mouth is) by kototyph, 24k, au. dean and cas get drunk married in vegas. dean renovates cas' house. this fic is SO MUCH BETTER than i remembered/expected and the entire series is fucking adorable go read it RIGHT now

Dean's done some pretty stupid things, but getting drunk-hitched in Vegas to a colleague he barely knows might just take the cake. His surprise husband, Castiel, is a little weird but likable despite that, and Dean figures they’ll go back to Boston, get a quiet annulment, and go their separate ways. Six weeks later, he’s still married to one of the strangest, most genuine and definitely most dangerously lov-- likable guys he's ever known. Dean doesn't know why or really even how it’s happening, but it’s getting harder and harder to remember that he has divorce papers to file.

not part of the plan by annie d (scaramouche), 338k, arranged marriage au. cas is slated to marry a noble from the winchester house. things spiral out of control. if you’re looking for an extensive well-developed political au, this is fucking it. i love reading about political machinations so this was FASCINATING to me. 

Castiel's spent most of his adult life keeping his head down and staying out of trouble. This is a deliberate choice on his part, because as a cousin of the King, he'd rather stay unimportant and forgotten. This changes abruptly when King Michael decides that he has a better use for Castiel: he is to be wed to a noble member of the neighboring Republic, as part of an agreement between their two nations.

Castiel knows he has to obey, but that doesn't mean he won't rebel in what small ways he can. Unexpectedly, his actions end up having far-reaching consequences.

💖 all things shining by askance and standbyme, 142k, au. sam and dean and cas go on a hunt that's not really a hunt, and against all odds good things happen. it's beautifully written and has scenes that literally make my heart leap out of my chest with joy and awe it's just WONDERFUL it's a wonderful fic. incredible mythology too omg i found that the authors actually created the myth the entire story is based on - like they don’t pull a random one from history, they made one up THEMSELVES. they even self-published it on amazon if ur curious

Something in the world is waking up.

It isn’t long before it’s brought to the attention of the Winchesters and Castiel: miracles are spreading across the country, the paranormal seems to be shrinking back on itself—and it all has something to do with the missing prayer book of a traveling preacher who died over a century ago.

Dean is convinced it’s all the lead-up to another Apocalypse; Sam and Castiel aren’t so sure. Regardless, it sends them out on a less-than-typical road-trip, following the Mississippi and remnants of a very old story that seems increasingly to call to them. And along the way the trio learn much more about themselves—and the consequences and origins of love—than they’d ever have anticipated.

💖 broadway musical by griftings, 12.4k, crack. romcom where cas is supposed to play matchmaker to dean and jo and well. you know. it actually made me cackle out loud when i read it again so you know it's still good. absolutely one of the funniest fics i’ve read

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.

The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.

Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

the five people you meet in heaven by chevrolangels, 22k, ambiguously canonverse. dean dies and goes to heaven and meets five people from his life. NOT a post-finale fic but still horrifically sad. i remember sobbing hysterically when i first read this so

Heaven is white.

Well. Isn’t that fucking stereotypical.

Dean isn’t really sure how he got here. Or even why he’s here. And hell, for all the times the Winchesters have died, he thinks he ought to know the drill by now. But what he doesn’t know is when most folks go, they find something different.

There’s a system God put in place. That when you’re gone (for good), there are a couple things you gotta do first. There are five people waiting for you.

They are the five people you meet in heaven.

any port in a storm by microcomets, 53k, post-s8. dean and cas go on a haunted cruise for a case. you know what happens next. also the art is by anobviousaside and it's gorgeous

The angels have fallen, leaving Castiel graceless and Dean with, well, more of other people’s problems. When a string of couples goes missing on the east coast, Dean and Cas decide to investigate—and find themselves trapped and hunted on a couples’ counseling cruise. Although battling monsters at sea is dangerous enough, sorting through emotional baggage proves to be far more deadly. (And, in which Cas embarks to find his missing grace and Dean is put out. Not necessarily in that order.)

a turn of the earth by microcomets, 95k, pre-canon au. cas is on the run from the empty and crash lands in dean's life. at one point he punches john in the face. a fucking beautifully written character study of pre-canon dean, honestly.

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

unfinished duet by microcomets, 5.8k, canonverse. sam observes dean and cas throughout the years. i remember this breaking my heart back in 2013!

Sam watches Dean and Cas over the years and notices a few things. (Or, Dean and Cas unscripted.)

💖 ergative/absolutive by glassedplanets, 8k, college au. dean and cas are best friends who meet in an astronomy class. i'm never not thinking about this fic it's so sweet and the friends to lovers is so soft and believable

He really shouldn’t be thinking thoughts like this about his best friend who literally just broke up with his girlfriend, but he knows he’ll blame it on sleepiness in the morning. He always does.

a certain light by flightagain, 24k, au. cas works at the gas n sip. dean is a customer. this author’s writing style is so lonely and heavy but it’s very lovely

Castiel works at the Gas-n-Sip. There are half-price nachos and flickering lights, there are office-workers and werewolves stopping by for snacks. Dean is a frequent customer, and his office might be haunted.

the one thing you can’t lose by majorenglishesquire, 5k, ambiguously canonverse. dean can pull cas around and it’s adorable. character study-ish. very sweet.

You know what I like a lot? The thought that Dean can just tug Cas anywhere at any time and Cas, who can lift tons without effort, who can demolish things with the light of his grace, who has battled and gone to war, has defended and broken, will just let Dean do it.

brother lover by twentysomething, 4k, set during s4/s5. dean’s jealous of sam and cas’ budding relationship. this fic is so tropey but it does it well and it’s funny as fuck

However- and it doesn't happen a lot- they have to invoke 'I saw her first.’

his fucking kids by 8sword, 3k, canonverse au. dean and cas raise claire and emma together. yes, claire novak. yes, emma of 7x13 spice girls fame. this was the first kidfic i read for spn i think. obvs written before jack or claire actually came back into the picture but it was the TEMPLATE of kidfic for me for ages

Jesus, the school should just have a parking spot labeled, “Reserved for the Novak-Winchesters,” because Dean’s getting sick of having to cruise around the parking lot looking for a spot every time he gets a call from the principal about Emma.

💖 what has eight tentacles and isn’t allowed to eat pie? by annie d (scaramouche), 16k, post s8. dean gets turned into an octopus. another fic that was SO MUCH BETTER than i remembered i fucking love when that happens. it isn’t even about dean being an OCTOPUS like NO. NOT EVEN. it’s ACTUALLY about the bunker and building a home and a community and a family and about PHYSICAL COMFORT and you can actually feel the world expanding at the end of this fic like a gusty sigh of relief it’s SO WONDERFUL. kevin is in this fic. ellie is too and i had to look her up but THIS is her!!!! danay garcia u were too hot to stay on this show but i love you and miss u

Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting.

Or, the one where Dean gets turned into an octopus.

💖 a beginner’s guide to communing with the dead by suspiciousflashlight, 77k, canonverse au. dean is a cop who summons a powerful entity to help him solve a cold case. oh my god i can’t believe i didn’t put this on here i love this one so much. the writing bowls me over it’s so confident in its worldbuilding like you’re IMMEDIATELY plunged into dean’s pov (FLAWLESSLY executed throughout the fic btw) and you just learn about the world as you go!! and it’s such a fascinating world!!! i love the magic i love the typical bureaucratic red tape procedures i love normalizing the supernatural. i ESPECIALLY love monsters as normal people in a society. at one point there’s this exchange

“Monsters,” says Cas finally. “Beyond the Wall there are monsters.” “You mean, like, vampires and djinn and stuff?” Cas shakes his head. “Those aren’t monsters, those are just people.”

those lines have stayed with me for years. i think about them every time i rewatch an episode of spn.

Maybe it's the little girl whose disappearance turned into a murder, and whose murder turned into a cold case, and who has now apparently decided to move in with him. Maybe it's the unacceptable hole left in his life when his dumb best friend and partner in (the prevention of) crime decided to go and get himself killed. Maybe it's his brother, whose high-profile career and fantastic girlfriend and first-child-on-the-way are steadily leaving Dean in the dust. Pick one. Pick all of them. The why doesn't matter so much as the what, and the what is this: Dean is pretty sure he's going completely, certifiably insane. Sure, he hasn't started wearing all his clothes inside out, and he still showers on a regular basis (anyways, that's not crazy, just a little eccentric); but there's no getting around the fact that he just threw away his life, his career, and his reputation by dragging out his mom's old necromancy book and summoning a Class A Forbidden Entity to his attic. A cranky one, too. With horrendous bed-head.

dean’s list by almaasi, 3k, canonverse. dean makes a list. short and sweet. i read this so much in 2015 that it literally got engraved into my brain line by line and rereading it caused synapses to fire that havent felt anything in years

Dean writes out a list of men he would go gay for. Sam has a suggestion to make.

💖 the path of fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, post-s8. dean and cas open a charming bed and breakfast in vermont. no, literally. another CLASSIC. i think about the food in this fic all the time...........maple bacon baked french toast......the cinnamon rolls.....it literally sounds so good

After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years.

long nights in cold months by pyrebi, 2.3k, au. dean’s an insomniac and cas works at walmart. i forgot i had this fic ALSO basically memorized. holy shit. pineapple in the fruit aisle.....................anyway it’s short and sweet and the “plot” resolves in such a satisfying way

When you're an insomniac, you get used to the "what the hell are you doing up, man?" look. Dean just hopes the guy who's stocking the shelves will stop giving it to him long enough to help him find some damn pineapple.

incredibly single & ready to mingle by imogenbynight, 3.6k, au. dean and cas meet on facebook. short cute au!!!!!!

Sam uses Facebook like the social media junkie he is. He's befriended literally every person he's ever had a conversation with since he got an account, which means that approximately—Dean checks—eight hours ago, he shared this horrible photo with something in the vicinity of nine hundred people. The caption below the picture reads “incredibly single & ready to mingle ;)” and roughly half of them have liked it.

Dean has never been so embarrassed in his life.

💖 unknown quantities by xylodemon, 8.5k, post-s8. after a post-case tryst, dean has to figure out his and cas’ relationship. human cas fics hold a special place in my heart. funny AND good dean pov AND a misunderstanding that i actually think works!!!!!

No one ever tells Dean anything.

(or: Dean Winchester and the not-relationship crisis of 2014)

#spn fic #spn #dean x cas #this is horrifically long actually.

[impossible-rat-babies]

@elmshore tagged me to talk about my fic our reflections!

gonna put this mostly below the cut bc it might get long + im ewbarressed 2 talk bout my fics bc often there is a lot of imagery behind them sdjfls

i’m gonna tag: 

@bitchesofostwick, @trvelyans, @mournholdmushroom, @wayhavn, and anyone else who is a mutual who writes who wants to be just. jabber on about their fic i would love 2 hear it

the idea rumbling around in my head, if I’m remembering this correctly, came after the book three demo came out and there is the bounty on the detective’s head for their capture. this got me thinking about how “well it would make sense if the trappers actively went after the detective when they were alone, or otherwise indisposed.” 

That got me rolling on the idea of what happened in the aftermath of such an incident. I wanted more the aftermath rather than the whole omg the detective is in danger haha they’re saved by their LI! I don’t find that as compelling or interesting personally compared to them saving themselves, but they’re injured or had to find a way out of the situation themselves. Or both--I’m not picky.

It was also a sort of fic born out of the desire to see where pollux and mason get on each others nerves/where their conflicts reside. I love fluff between couples, but I also love exploring the more difficult and organic parts of two people together. which this fic was a really great place to explore that between the two of them, mostly because pollux is antagonistic towards asking for help or letting himself be helped. he doesn’t need to be babied in this instance and he had everything under control. the fact that mason is upset over the fact that it actually happened and pollux didn’t tell anyone is irrelevant in pollux’s mind. he got out of it with his life and he can tend his wounds in peace--he doesn’t need help. thus, we have a nice little conflict.

but a bit of dialogue or action that got stuck in my head when i was first drafting it was:

“....fucking hopeless.” Mason grumbles to himself and Pollux bunches his fingers tightly in his shirt.

“If you’re gonna talk then shit say it to my face, Mason.” Pollux spits his name and he knows he’s playing chicken with a speeding car—sooner or later he’s going to get hit.

Mason turns on him, anger drawing his lips into a snarl and frustration tensing his shoulders,

(take one more step, I swear to god)

“I said...” He starts slow, meeting his grey eyes and there’s a vicious storm in that grey, “you’re fuckin’ hopeless, Pollux.”

“Good.”

we’re gonna ignore how pollux definitely would’ve decked mason if he had gotten much closer.

this part really stuck because in all my writings i’ve done with them, both published and unpublished, it’s often pollux who presents the conflict between them verbally. It’s more in his nature to have that confrontation compared to mason. but this is a flip on that, where mason is just so fed up with this sort of crap from pollux where he says something he doesn’t mean. it does sort of put a stop to the argument though, both of them sort of putting each other in their places. mason unintentionally saying an extremely hurtful statement to pollux, and pollux asserting both that yes mason you said that and yes i am hopeless glad you finally got the picture there chief.

moving on, I didn’t really write one of these scenes before all the others. I skipped past a majority of the main argument to get to the meat of that and then built everything up around it. I did skip to after the argument where pollux is in the bathroom alone too. fun fact: the ending is the least edited and most free flowing part of it because i got on a roll + i just didn’t want to edit it. is it less polished and more rushed feeling? maybe. but i did like a lot of the prose i put into the ending. (looking back it’s definitely sort of sparked my obsession with writing about hands and the minuscule movements of hands in fic. if i don’t spend a couple sentences of a character paying attention to hands then what sort of gay writer am I?)

--

the image in my mind when writing fics is often playing things out as a movie scene. it’s all constructed in my head, the environment, the placing of the characters in the space, their interactions. i pick out what seems the most relevant even if it seems rather mundane. blinds or curtains being open, the color a lamp sheds--if it’s more blue or yellow. (bluer whites always read more clinical or impersonal, where more yellow lights feel more homey and personal). or like the color of the tile. I love thinking about the color of bathroom tiles/the inherent cold touch of bathroom tiles. i also like thinking about bathrooms as much as i like thinking about vintage hotel rooms.

but in this fic I was really wanting to hit on the “this is the middle of the night when no one should really be awake unless you’re getting into trouble” but also “this is the middle of the night when people say things or get into arguments because the dark hides everything.” 

also i dunno why i’m so stuck on only having one light source in a scene i write, it’s become a habit and i dunno why.

--

I didn’t really take inspo from another piece of media. i mean, it’s undoubtably got bits of tropes and such stuck into it, but such is writing. im not saying this is entirely original because it isn’t, i just can’t think of anything.

and like i said before, the book three demo with the trapper bounty really got me thinking. well that and the realistic part of what would happen if pollux got jumped by three or four trappers intent on kidnapping him.

me taking the idea of the detective possibly never having killed someone and tossing that shit out the window.

not that pollux is eager to kill people, or is fine with it. tensions just run high when you’re being attacked and slamming a person’s head into the bonnet of your car until they stop moving in a viable tactic for him. did the trapper live? i dunno, pollux certainly doesn’t.

--

i guess the cornerstone going around with this fic was stated above--the strained, realistic, not getting along parts of relationships between people. the subjecting these characters to a possible thing that could happen and seeing how they deal with it in their ways and the conflicts that brings.

but there’s also this chance to grow, to figure things out and avoid a repeat of the situation. it’s as much about the nitty gritty as it is the learning process of being with someone. like when mason explicitly asks/says in his own way for pollux to not do something like that again, whether thats fighting the trappers on his own, or refusing to be helped. or pollux not outright saying no, but rather saying he’ll try. it’s a step along the way towards making it work.

i know i write a lot about the rough and angsty parts of a relationship, but it’s also partially about the growth between characters. the realism of the bickering, the fights, the missteps along the way when you’re trying to make a partnership work. it’s the caring enough to make a mess, to not turn ones back on someone for being difficult. 

i love writing gross--both angsty gross and fluffy grossly human stuff!

#me writing 1.2k of incoherent shit like Yes Me Give Me Nothing #me absolutely not giving a fuck at five am like! #owen writes #anyway im obsessed with bathrooms and hotel rooms and stinkin prose and the human condition #and i love writing about it! #okay to rebloog if you wanna #anyway mason and pollux are complicated it's okay

[argylemnwrites]

Looking Back

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x MC (Cassie Vanderfield)

Book: Open Heart (almost 2 years after Chapter 1 of book 2)

Word Count: ~1900

Rating: PG-13 (light language, innuendo)

Summary: A night of celebration causes Cassie and Bryce to take a look back.

Author’s Note: I’m so sorry it’s been so long since I wrote Bryce fic! The pandemic writer’s block was particularly brutal for this couple, but I am pretty happy to be back with our favorite flirty, confident surgeon! This story is for two of the “Things You Said” prompts - 11. Things you said when you were drunk (as requested by @sunnyxdazed, @choicesarehard, and an anon) and 22. Things you said after it was over (as requested by @srta-give-me-my-jax-rl and @omgjasminesimone). It also works for the Choices May Challenge Day 29 prompt (Memories).

“Nah, I’m good,” Bryce said, shaking his head as Jackie attempted to pass him a shot of tequila.

“Lahela, you can’t pass on drinks tonight! We’re celebrating!” she called out, raising her arm and drawing cheers from several others around them, including Cassie.

“You might be celebrating, but I still have to preround at 6 am tomorrow,” Bryce replied, shaking his head as Cassie grabbed the shot glass Jackie kept trying to hand him, throwing it back in rapid succession with the shot Jackie had already given her. Man, tonight was going to get sloppy.

“That’s on you for choosing a specialty with such a long residency,” said Jackie, quirking an eyebrow before downing her own shot. “It’s not our fault you surgeons are so dumb and cocky that you need those extra years of training just to be competent physicians.”

Bryce grinned at her, grabbing the empty shot glasses Cassie handed to him as she reached for a lime. He would let her have that one tonight. After all, it was her graduation night. 

The internal med graduation had been pretty much what Bryce had expected. Decent food, but watered down drinks and boring speeches by the hospital bigwigs, all culminating with the program director going over each resident’s career plans and handing them a certificate. At least Cassie’s table had been a good one with Elijah, Phoebe, and his parents, a med-peds resident named Amber who Bryce didn’t know well but who had been fun to talk to, as was her husband when he wasn’t trying to corral their two year old son, plus Cassie’s parents and Keiki, able to come thanks to Amber only needing two tickets. And thankfully the faculty member assigned to their table was an endocrinologist named Dr. Liz Aubly, not Ethan Ramsey. Bryce had forced more than enough awkward small talk with the man at the monthly diagnostics team dinner he’d gone to with Cassie last week, and he got the feeling Ramsey was not thrilled that he was now officially Cassie’s date for all such events. Over the next two years, with Bryce on his research years while Cassie remained at Edenbrook for her diagnostics fellowship, their paths were going to cross often.

But tonight wasn’t about looking forward, it was about looking back and remembering three years of patients and long hours and crappy coffee and not enough sleep. Now that the formal portion of the graduation was done with, most of the third year IM residents had ditched their families and taken over Donahue’s, celebrating having only two weeks left as residents. It was the only time they all were off at the same time, excluding the annual resident holiday party, since starting residency, and people were letting loose.

“Wait, we didn’t toast to anything with this round,” Elijah noted after he tossed his lime slice onto the growing pile in the middle of the table. After the first couple of rounds, things had turned decidedly sentimental, with the group rotating what event from their three years of residency they were commemorating. So far, they had toasted to adopting their pet turtle Sal Monella, Jackie being named one of next year’s chief residents, Cassie getting reinstated, and swapping out Landry for Aurora as a roommate. 

“You’re right!” Cassie cried out, stumbling off Bryce’s lap. “I’ll go get us another round so we can do things properly.”

Bryce grabbed her wrist, stopping her abruptly. “What?” she asked, her eyes blazing as they locked on his, clearly ready to fight him if he dared to question how much everyone was drinking.

“I’m going with you,” he said with a grin, standing up and subtly sliding his hand down her back, hoping she saw it as a loving, flirty gesture and not an attempt to steady her and keep her upright. Cassie was typically a pretty agreeable drunk, if a little handsy, but she got absolutely livid if anyone implied that her coordination and proprioception were at all impaired by her drinking. He had enough sense not to tell her there was a good chance all the drinks would be ending up on the floor if she did this by herself.

Together, they made their way over to the bar, crowded with dozens of other IM third years. Cassie leaned over the bar, trying to find a free bartender, but quickly abandoned her mission when she wasn’t immediately successful.

“You should do the next toast,” she said, spinning to face Bryce, steadying herself just slightly by leaning back against the bar.

Bryce shrugged, “Nah, tonight’s for you guys. I’m still just a lowly resident for the next four years.”

Cassie grinned, sliding a hand forward and grabbing a belt loop on Bryce’s pants, pulling him toward her. “Where’s all this modesty coming from?”

“Oh, don’t worry. I know I’m still the best surgical resident at Edenbrook. In fact, now that you are moving up in the world, I am losing some competition for best resident in all specialties.”

Cassie laughed, dragging her hand across his hip and sliding it into his back pocket, giving his ass a light squeeze, prompting Bryce to waggle his eyebrows at her.

“I see you’ve reached a very boldly flirty stage of drunk.”

“I’m not drunk,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes, but sliding her other hand into his other pocket at the same time, “I just found a comfortable place to rest my hands. Besides, in a couple of weeks, I’ll officially outrank you, so I gotta enjoy this-” she added, giving him another squeeze for good measure, “-while I still can.”

He chuckled at that. She wasn’t going to be supervising him at all, so it didn’t really matter, but Jackie had taken to teasing Cassie that their relationship was going to become suddenly scandalous and forbidden when Cassie became a fellow. “Are you sure you want to move in together, then? It might be hard to keep your hands to yourself around all of this-” Bryce gestured an open hand up and down in front of his body “-when you have 24/7 access.”

Cassie tilted her head to the side, a coy little smirk forming. “Yeah. You know why?”

“Why?” he asked, humoring her as he lifted a hand to tuck a strand of her dark hair behind her ear.

“Because you helped clean up after that first party in our apartment.”

His hand froze next to her cheek. He’d completely forgotten he’d done that. He’d mainly just been looking for something to do while waiting to say goodnight to Cassie, or rather, hoping he wouldn’t have to say goodnight. Pitching in with cleaning up the trash had just seemed like the natural thing to do. “I can’t believe you remember that.”

“It’s when I knew you were a good person, not just some overconfident hot guy. It’s when I knew you were boyfriend material, not just a casual fling.”

Bryce didn’t quite know how to respond to that. His feelings for Cassie evolved gradually, slowly, naturally over the past three years, going from seeing her as that cute dark-haired medicine intern to the person he loved and trusted most in the world bit-by-bit, day-by-day. He didn’t have some moment with her that was some great epiphany where he realized he wanted more or saw her differently. He just cherished getting to know her better, seeing different sides of her, and adoring nearly everything that he discovered or she revealed. But Cassie had apparently seen depths in him from the start. He wasn’t sure if it put their early hookups in a different light or not, but all he could really do at this point was appreciate that they had come this far together, no matter how they got there. So he gave her a gentle kiss, pulling back as he saw one of the bartenders coming toward them and flagging him down, ordering another round of tequila shots, plus a glass of water for himself.

Soon, they made their way back to the table, Bryce carrying the shots while Cassie focused on not bumping into people. She waited for him to pass around the drinks and sit back down before she plunked herself back onto his lap, looping one arm behind his neck and grabbing one of the shot glasses with her other.

“What are we toasting to this time?” Jackie asked, raising her glass and looking around the table expectantly.

“I have one,” said Bryce, causing Cassie to twist her head to look at him, her eyebrows raised and her pupils blown wide, “To that first party you guys threw at the apartment. It really was the start of everything.”

Everyone clinked their glasses together over the center of the table, with some “Hear hears” and “To the parties” scattered in the mix, but Cassie didn’t throw back her shot right away. Instead, she kept her eyes locked on Bryce’s, offering him a brilliant smile before wrapping her other arm around his neck in a tender hug... and unfortunately dumping her shot of tequila down his neck and under his shirt in the process.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry!” she cried out once she realized what she’d done.

“It’s fine,” Bryce said with a little shrug, “but I do think that signals the end of the festivities for me.”

“Party pooper!” Elijah yelled out, but Bryce just shook his head. 

“Someone has to actually be functional enough to take care of patients tomorrow, and it’s certainly not going to be anyone else at this table. Cassie, you coming over to my place, or are you going to keep the party going with this crew?”

“Your place,” she said without a moment of hesitation. “I spent the night with you after my first party of residency, so who am I to buck tradition at the last one?” Bryce grinned at that, noticing Elijah just shaking his head out of the corner of his eye before Cassie leaned over and kissed him, sliding her hands along his shoulders before pulling back.

“Get a room,” Jackie said, rolling her eyes.

“I’m trying,” Bryce replied over Cassie’s shoulder. “Come on, babe,” he said, helping Cassie to her feet before standing up and slinging an arm around her waist, waving goodbye to their friends as he navigated her towards the door. 

“I can’t believe I’m basically done with residency,” Cassie said as Bryce pulled out his phone to order a Dryve. “It’s been three years already. How has it been three years?”

Bryce just chuckled, guiding her down the large step off onto the sidewalk as they left the bar. “Time flies when you’re working 80 hours a week for minimum wage, huh?”

“Something like that,” she replied, pivoting to face him and tugging him into a loose hug. 

“Looking back, anything you’d want to change?”

She seemed to ponder that for a moment before shaking her head, “I mean, I probably could have done without the suspension, but I think it helped me grow. I don’t know. I guess even with all the drama, I’m happy with how things turned out. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, Cassie,” he said, squeezing her tight and running his hand along her spine, “it does.”

Permatag:  @walkerswhiskeygirl   @riley--walker @bebepac @ravenpuff02 @oofchoices @octobereighth @drakewalker04 @kimmiedoo5  @mfackenthal  @thequeenofcronuts  

Open Heart:  @tallulahshh @rookie-ramsey @omgjasminesimone @ao719​

Bryce x MC:    @thequeenchoices​  @fortunatelywaywardsandwich​   @dreaming-of-movies​  @choicesarehard​  @srta-give-me-my-jax-rl​  @maria-soederberg​ @mskaneko​   @sunnyxdazed​

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#choices may challenge #bryce lahela #bryce x mc #open heart fanfiction #oph fanfic