#so yeah i know this and im trying not to think about it

[tojikai]

Sundered (Alt. Ending): CRUSH

Pairing: Gojo x reader - Toji x reader (this part)

• Part 1  |  Part 2   | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Alt. Ending

Genre: Angst

tags/cw: angst, babydaddy!gojo, babymomma!reader, motherhood, insecurities, arguments

word count: 5.8k

a/n: here it is! (it's late, sorry. not proofread too😭) im forever grateful to you all who waited and supported the sundered series and for supporting my other stories too. i cant do much but this means so much. ily.

If you never talk to him again, he will miss you forever.

“Do I not deserve it?” You asked him, almost flinching at your words when you promised yourself you’d never ask anyone that. Toji sighed, taking both of your hands and bringing them to his lips. “Not this. You deserve more than this. You deserve to be genuinely happy without sacrificing anything, without feeling spent.”

Your brows furrowed, trying to contain another flood of tears threatening to overflow from your already swollen eyes. Why does it always have to be so hard when it's you? When it was Satoru who tried to move on, he did with Naomi. You wouldn’t say it was a breeze for them but you just know it was never this hard.

Naomi and Satoru stayed together for a year, being the family you couldn’t give your child. And now you, you couldn’t even make it work with Toji. Why do you always have to feel stuck? Why does he refuse to take your hand and pull you out of this void that is slowly sucking you down?

Along with these thoughts, you felt a squeeze in your hand. “Y/N?” Toji called, “Y/N, it’s gonna be alright.”  No, it’s not, you thought. The roof of your mouth tastes bitter against your tongue; so bitter that it burns. “It’s not. But it’s alright. I just don’t want you to feel burdened with this, alright?” You reached up to his face, eyes wandering.

“I’m sorry.” You felt selfish. You felt so selfish for not thinking about how this void of yours could pull him down with you instead of him pulling you up. You felt so selfish for wanting him to keep hurting just so you could feel safe. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this, I didn’t realize it would be this hard on you too.” Your throat feels tight all of a sudden.

You stepped away from him, sniffing as you wiped your tears away. You couldn’t remember what else he said, you couldn't remember how you ended up in that room alone, crying as you clutched your chest, blaming yourself for wearing out such a good man.

You couldn’t remember, or more like you chose not to carve into your memory how that day ended. The only image you can see in your head is how he cuddled you to sleep, woke you up to eat with him and the kids, and went home. You remember him saying that they could always visit. And you hated yourself for doubting him.

Now you smooth out the bed, rearranging the pillows and gaslighting yourself that you’ve been the only one sleeping on it all this time just so it wouldn't feel so unfamiliar. You changed the sheets and prayed you wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night, reaching for the man you love. 

And the fact that this wouldn’t be the first time that you would do so…

You remembered how you would wake up and break down at midnights during the first few months of your separation from Satoru, weeping as you ran to your daughter’s crib just to remind yourself to be stronger, locking your phone away to not call and embarrass yourself in front of him and his then-new girlfriend again.

You heard the sound of the video your daughter was watching as she sat on the bean bag in the corner of your room. “Mama, look it.” You heard her tiny footsteps tap the floor as she ran to you, holding the phone out. The screen flashed with Toji’s caller ID, “Thank you, baby.” You kissed her cheek as you picked her up to sit her on your lap. 

“Yeah?,” You answered, hearing a sigh from the other end. You pulled your toddler closer to you just as she started to move near the edge of the bed. You that your voice didn’t sound hoarse at all. You didn’t cry as hard as you did with Satoru, but it was painful enough that you had to pause some chores just so you could think of a solution to fix it. 

You doubted there was a fix and if there was, you felt like Toji would only be trying out of pity for you.

You’re tired of that. You don’t want people to feel sorry for you anymore. You feel like you’ve been nothing but pitiful every year of your life. Your dad gave up on you and your mother, your baby daddy gave up on your relationship with him and now you feel like you caused Toji to give up on you too. 

Your brows bumped together at the thoughts and you were quick to shake your head, hoping it would shed off the searing pain in your chest as well. You can't have self-pity when you have a child. You’re determined to be better for her. Your index finger found its place on your lips, listening to your ex’s voice.

“Just wanna know how you’re doing.” You wanted to laugh, not to mock him but because you don’t really know how to explain how you feel to him. You decided to answer it from the surface, “I am okay, surprisingly.” You sniffed, hearing a sigh from the other end of the line and a tiny laugh from Megumi, probably watching something on his iPad. 

You would say it’s too early for him to call you, but this whole breakup isn’t even like the normal ones. You broke up for each other's well-being. Not because you fought, not because one of you cheated, not because you just started to hate each other. You broke up wanting only the best for each other.

“I know this is for the best.” You wanted to help Toji feel better about this decision. You could tell that there was guilt on his part. He probably feels like what he did was just an inch kinder than Satoru’s way of leaving you. That would eat him inside. The last thing Toji wants to do is shatter all your progress.

“I don’t feel the best about it.” There was no hint of amusement in his chuckle, no trace of smile in his words. You don’t even know if he meant to say he feels bad for doing this to you. You don’t want to assume that he’s not doing better away from you because you’re pretty sure he’s more relaxed now that he doesn’t have to worry about his girlfriend thinking of someone even when she’s with him. 

“Please, don’t dwell on it. I, uh, I have thought things through and it’s… it’s just getting kind of lighter for me.” You blinked away each tear that came with the lies that are flowing out of your tongue. It’s not getting any lighter. If anything, the crushing weight is still continuously pressing down on you and you know any time soon, you might break down in this phone call.

“I don’t know if I can trust your words…” Aside from the fact that it has only been a day, Toji thought back on your last conversation before you broke up. He’s well-aware of your tendencies to push all of your feelings aside  because you blame yourself for the fall of your relationship. You would probably shoulder all of this again, like you did with your separation from Satoru.

Toji isn’t all clean here but he doesn’t know how to get that to you. You can be very stubborn when it comes to these things especially when it concerns your past. It’s an unhealed part of you and Toji can’t help but feel like your previous arguments, his words to 

you and how he made you feel contributed to it rather than alleviate it.

“Toji, this isn't good for me. For us,” You’re not talking about your relationship with him but it’s about him contacting you. “I know that we’re still good, we broke up to save each other,” you laughed half-heartedly, “Our kids are friends, of course, we can’t just throw that away, but for now…” You took a deep breath.

“For now, let’s give each other space. I’m not mad at you, I could never hate you but, Toji, this isn’t helping me at all.” The crack in your voice sent a blow to Toji’s heart, “I…I want to be able to talk to you, see you and visit Megumi with Yui without feeling the guilt of letting something so good slip away so, please...” You took a deep, painful breath.

“Let’s just give each other some space. Just until I have picked myself up again.” You covered your mouth, desperate to turn away from your child who’s been starting to glance at you. Toji’s silence felt like it could squeeze you, like a soundless bubble getting smaller and smaller around you. 

“I’m sorry. I…I shouldn’t have called.” Of course, you’re not fine, Is he out of his mind? The voices in Toji’s head knocked sense into him as he realized what he did. How could he be so insensitive? Is it because he knows of his crimes, the source of his guilt and how he didn’t think it would affect him as much as it does now?

Now, even this breakup feels selfish. How could he just decide to leave when you’ve been trying so hard? He’s not different from your baby daddy—running away when they couldn’t handle the pressure, leaving you to clean up after the mess. Toji closed his eyes tight, clearing his head, begging himself to say the right words and make the correct decisions.

“I—I’m still here for you always, alright? Take care, Y/N. Kiss Yui good night for me.” He spoke slowly, fighting the loss in the empty space he’s staring at, absorbing your soft hums and apology as he continued, “I’m sorry.” I’m sorry, baby. It took every fiber in his baby not to say it like that. For your sake. And for him. 

If you never talk to him again, he will miss you forever.

You put the phone down, feeling your daughter’s head on your chest as she stared up at you. Your mother once said that children do not understand these things yet but they feel their parents’ pain when it happens. And just like that, it’s almost as if your baby girl can read you. Her eyes says that she wants to help but doesn’t know how because she doesn’t eve understand it.

“Mama sad?” Her voice was small, it’s amazing that even at her age she knows how to try and soothe you. She knows that this is not the time to be playful without even knowing the situation. All she knows is that her mother is sad and crying. “No, mama’s just tired.” You smiled at her and for the first time she seems hesitant to reciprocate it.

“Mama sleep.” She got suddenly, bouncing her way to the spot next to you as she gets into a curled sleeping position. She’s a smart child. You laid down next to her, cuddling her small frame for as long as she can sit still but it wasn’t long before she was playing again, forgetting about it all. She’s still a baby after all. But this kid right here is the one who will always pull you out of the waters.

You wished that you could forget and get over this as quickly as this baby does, You wished it would all just fly out of your mind, that you could just throw up all of the pain out of your heart. You wished that you could just dust off the broken pieces of your relationship from your clothes, that you could scrub away the pain in the shower and watch it flow down the drain.

—————————-

“Look, I know Yui’s always been our priority but if you need a bit of time for yourself, you know you can leave Yui with me.” Satoru came earlier than expected. You can tell that he’s trying to stay inside the ‘boundaries’ as he struggled to find the right words to say about your breakup with Toji.

“You should take a break from work, if you think that’s what you need, I will-“ You placed a hand on his arm, stopping him. Satoru doesn’t want to seem like he’s taking advantage of the situation, that’s the last thing he wants to do. As painful as it is to admit it, he knows that you love Toji. 

“Thanks. But it’s alright. We’re good, we’re just…not dating anymore.” You forced out a laugh, trying to make it better than how it really is. It’s clear to Satoru that you’re having a hard time. He could see it in your face, your eyes. Satoru remembered those times when he would do anything just to avoid looking at you and seeing how badly he broke you.

He was heartless for letting himself make you feel like that. He was stupid for letting you feel like that. 

“Thanks. But it’s alright. We’re good, we’re just…not dating anymore.” You let out a laugh, retracting your hand away as you reached for the towel to wipe your daughter’s food-stained cheek. “Megumi and Yui still play together, I mean they’re besties now, right?” Yui giggled at the mention of her friend.

As much as Satoru wants to have another chance with you, he just doesn’t think he would deserve it just like that. Also, he doesn’t think he can see you like this everyday. Now he wants to talk to Toji. If it’s because of his interactions with you then Satoru himself would volunteer to give the big guy the assurance he wants. 

It would be painful for Satoru but to see you so dull makes him want to give up his fight. If he even has some. His friends, mostly Shoko, already told him that he already lost all his chances. “You’re not a cat. You don’t get nine lives in this Satoru.” She would say and Suguru would quickly add “You used to have nine lives, actually. But you’re a dead man to her now.” It was playful but depressing talk but valid but…sad.

It was everything but playful to Satoru, no matter how much his friends tried to lighten up the delivery, it still felt like playing darts with his heart. Because he knows how much truth those words hold. He would smile and shake his head. His friends are never the ones to sugarcoat shit. 

After saying goodbye to  Y/N with his baby girl, Satoru can’t help but feel curious about your breakup. He’s almost a hundred percent sure that it’s Toji’s decision because of how you are right now. He doubts that you’d be the one to break it off. You’re a fighter, he knows that. He hates that you have to deal with these cowards of men who only know how to break.

But of course, Toji’s more deserving than him. That’s the bitter truth. Toji left for your good, while Satoru…just gave up on you back then. He will regret it for the rest of his life if he doesn’t get you back. 

Get you back. He felt like a villain, hoping that you were the first to initiate the split. That would give Satoru so much hope. Thinking about why you did it (if you did), taunts him into assuming that maybe you still have something with him. But this isn’t right. No. Satoru should be better than this. Your happiness comes first. Even if it’s not with him.

Satoru swallowed the rushing mix of emotions that fogged his mind as he drives. It felt like swallowing needles, allowing them to go straight to his cracking heart. It’s almost impossible now, huh, to get you back? Even when you’re single again, it still feels impossible. Why is he even imagining it?

Shaking his head, he successfully parked his car, clapping his hands as he looked at Yui through the rearview mirror. “Let’s go now, my heart~” He sing-songed and the toddler eagerly reached up to him. “Tomorrow we go back to Mama, alright? She’s kinda sad, isn’t she? We gotta rescue that!” Yui cheered with him, despite not understanding what her father was saying.

Satoru knows that he can’t meddle with your relationship with Toji, no matter how much it bothers him. The least he can do is try to brighten your mood. Without any ulterior motives, of course. This is a vulnerable time for you. He doesn’t think he can stomach trying to get in through those cracks in your heart because of your failed relationship. 

It’s not the right thing to do and that’s not what a good person who truly cares would do. He can only support you, but he doesn’t plan on taking advantage of this situation. 

—-------------------------------------------------

3 months later

It’s a blessing to be a mother. It’s hard too. Especially, when your daughter won’t allow you to have a break from your ex for more than three months. “Mama!” She screamed at the top of her lungs for the hundredth time that morning. “I just took your bag, let’s go.” You wished you could’ve taken a picture of her, standing as she held the door of her room open.

“You’re so big now, baby.” Her birthday’s in a few months and you feel like crying because it felt like you just gave birth to her yesterday and now she’s turning three. Time is a thief. You wonder if so much has changed with Toji’s life too. You wouldn’t be shocked if he’s got a new girlfriend. After all, Satoru only took a few weeks to find someone new when you broke up.

That fucking stings. You told yourself and if you weren’t holding your daughter’s hand and her bag you would physically clutch your chest. The thought of being so replaceable has been a constant in your mind since Satoru and Naomi. 

And if it happens with Toji again, you’d probably just close the table for love.  You drove to the park, a meeting place you chose for the kids. You don’t want to be in Toji’s house. You don’t think you can handle that yet. 

You wondered if you’d be greeted by some new lady with him, like how Satoru received you with Naomi’s head on his chest. What if they play with the kids instead and leave you out of place during the whole play date? Or what if they leave you to watch the kids while they get some snacks, taking their time to play couple while you wait?

What if— A knock on your window broke off your train of thoughts as you took in your surroundings. That’s right. You’ve been driving and now you’re at the part. And now Toji’s shading his eyes, his hand arched over his brows as he tried to see through your windows. “Gumi!” Yui squealed, kicking in her car seat as Megumi waved from the outside. 

Toji was holding him in one hand as his bag hang loosely on Toji’s shoulder. You rolled the windows down, gulping your anxiety as you thanked the heavens that none of the scenarios in your head came true. 

“You spaced out.” He chuckled a bit awkwardly as he smiled at you. There’s something new about him. Did he really glow up after leaving you? You almost frowned but you gave him a laugh, trying to think of an excuse as to why you’re sitting absentmindedly in your car a few minutes before meeting with your ex and his child.

“I was trying to remember if I locked our door.” You laughed, gathering your things as you stepped out. “Can I hold that for you?” Toji offered as you opened Yui’s door. You thanked him softly, trying your best to seem relaxed. You don’t know if you should be glad or worried that he’s being so cool.

It could be because he doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or because he doesn’t really give two shits about your relationship with him that he doesn’t even feel uneasy meeting for the first time after you broke up. 

Or maybe because he’s already moved on to someone else, he just didn’t bring her with him because he’s a respectful man. You swore you heard a voice say it and it almost convinced you that it’s your brain that wants you dead. “Yui.” Megumi’s neck stretched as he looked over your shoulder for his best friend.

“Chill, man. Your long lost bestie will be free in a minute.” He still doesn’t fail to make you laugh. You put Yui down and watched the two kids adorably and messily hug. Now you’re glad that you taught them the importance of hugs. 

“It’s cute that they’re still comfortable with each other.” You commented, pulling at your clothes as you tried to distract yourself from checking your ex out. You’re thinking hard to figure out what changed with his look. Aside from his forehead showing as the wind played with his dark hair, 

“Let’s sit there, near the seesaw. They love that.” The kids were talking in a language only they understand, pointing at stuff before laughing as if it was the funniest thing they saw while to you, it looked like nothing. You would give everything to be a kid again. Just carefree and happy. But seeing your daughter makes you realize you wouldn’t have this any other way.

“How have you been?” He started as you sat down, hugging yourself as you looked ahead at the children. To be honest, you don’t know how to answer that. Do you tell him first that you miss him? Or do you tell him first that you got a clearer understanding of the holes in your relationship with him?

“I won’t deny that I missed you.” He chuckled leaning back. “But I did some reflecting.” He paused, glancing over to you, eyes traveling across your face. “A lot of reflecting actually.” He nodded, licking his lips. Right. That’s right, you thought, referring to his looks. Aside from his hair being longer, he looked…softer. You blinked away your thoughts, clearing your vision.

“I…I’m okay.” You don’t know how to tell him it could’ve been better if he was still with you. You wondered if your relationship problems would’ve been gone now if you didn’t break up. Would it have been better by now if you kept going? “I missed you, of course. But,” You laughed airily, “I’m getting better.”

You didn’t let your breakup with Toji affect you as a mother to Yui. But if you’re talking about yourself. You’re still trying. You have lived without Toji, of course, you can still keep going now. But your split felt like a crash from cloud nine. You’ve been so soaked with your happiness with him that when he left it felt like you were slowly getting drained and dry.

He walked you into a field of roses and when you returned to your old garden you realized how dull it was. Yui was your sunshine in those days under the dark clouds. She was a sunlight that went out of its way to bring a smile on your face. “It’ll get better.” You sighed, glancing at Toji and seeing the solemn look on his face. Does he feel sorry for you? Does he feel guilty for leaving so abruptly as your baby daddy did? Does he feel—

“It doesn’t feel any better for me at all.” Toji’s not one to hide the reality of his feelings from people he feels comfortable with. It melts your heart when you think about how he loosens up with you. It makes you feel special. Though, not special enough to fight for.

“It will. Soon.” You looked down. You know that it wasn’t his intention to make you feel as if you’re making him feel guilty for choosing his peace. But it still feels like it and you don’t know what to say anymore. I’m sorry? I’m sorry that you feel sorry for me? He nodded, smiling so softly. Charming, you thought. You feel sad for the people who don't get to see this. Yes, his smirk can make one feel things but this smile…

The day went by fast, Toji invited you to dinner since a restaurant was nearby but you politely declined. It’s not that you want to. It’s just that you have to. One thing that you learned from your heartbreak with Satoru is that the more that you see them, the deeper the shards cut. 

“My mom’s coming over for dinner. Maybe next time.” Your genuine smile contradicted the lie flowing out of your lips. It was so tempting when he looked like this, but you have to stand your ground. Next time. The two words reverberated inside Toji’s head and that was enough to push aside the disappointment he felt when you declined. 

“That’s alright. There’s always a next time.” It sounded as if he was reassuring himself, emphasizing that you’re fine with meeting him and Megumi again next time. This is enough for now. After all, he still has to reflect on a couple of things regarding your breakup. But everything always seems to be pointing him back to you. 

—————————

“Just call me when you’re ready to go, and I’ll pick you up.” Satoru’s words before he left you and Yui earlier started to get twisted inside Toji’s head. Now that Toji has let you go, Satoru’s just waiting for your go signal so he can pick you up again. He swallowed dryly, faking a smile when you looked back at him, laughing at whatever the kids did that he didn’t see.

Time flew by fast but that image of you leaning towards Satoru so that he could give his daughter a kiss as he said that to you has been stuck in Toji’s head all day. The kids were drinking juice with small towels around their shoulders. “I can, uh, I can just drive you home, you know? I mean, so that Satoru wouldn’t have to drive all the way here again.” He suggested, wiping off some of the water droplets in his son’s body.

“It’s alright, he’s already on his way anyway and he owes Yui a kitty cake that they didn’t get to buy last time.” You smiled at him, before asking to leave to give Yui a quick warm shower. Toji would’ve wanted to chat a bit more with you. Just spend more time with you. He couldn’t ask for so much of it now. It felt like it would be too much of an imposition for him to do so. 

After a couple of minutes, the doorbell rang and he placed Megumi on one of the rugs, reminding him to stay there so he won’t slip. He sighed, running to his gate, knowing that it would be Satoru and of course, since you’re still getting Yui ready, the polite thing to do is to let him sit and maybe, entertain your baby daddy a bit.

“Oh, come on in. She’s just getting Yui ready.” His voice was almost monotonous, the nod of his head was another way to be a bit more ‘friendly’ to the guy. “You a fan of iced tea?” Toji cleared his throat with Satoru following behind him. Megumi was still on the rug, staring off into space. Toji can’t help but laugh when Satoru waved a hand at his face.

“Yui Dad.” He looked up, waving his small hand despite the blank look on his face. “He really looks like you.” Satoru commented, “Except his hair.” Toji placed a pitcher on the counter, pouring a glass for the man, something he didn’t think he would ever do. “I’m glad you and Y/N are doing better,” Toji spoke after a couple of minutes of silence. 

“Yeah,” Satoru nodded, holding Megumi’s hand as he tried to walk towards Toji. “We’re getting more used to this co-parenting thing. Figured out it was healthier for all of us when we’re not constantly arguing about something.” Toji doesn’t know if it’s right to say it but it already came out of his mouth before he realized it.

“The both of you single made it better, eh?” He didn’t mean it to start something with Satoru again, it’s just that that is the first thing that popped up in his head when he heard him. “Yes and No.” Satoru answered before he could even back it up with something lighthearted. “Me being single, yes. Because Naomi was basically a wedge, one cause of the problems that used to arise between us. And no, because no problem arises directly from you regarding those arguments.” He shrugged, taking a sip before continuing. 

“Actually, I don’t even know why you broke up with her, if I’m going to be frank I trusted you with my family already, why did you even left her?” He’s saying a lot more now than before. Definitely a healthier man. And he seems like he’s back to his real self now. Toji might even assume he’s drunk if only you didn’t mention that he doesn’t handle liquor well.

“I’m not trying to guilt-trip you, alright? I want you to love her because you truly love her, but come on, man, there’s no threat.” Yui definitely takes after her father. Very talkative, Toji thought. Inhaling, he gathered his thoughts and which aspect of what Satoru has said he should focus on, “I don’t know.” Was his short answer. 

“I mean… I was worried. I don’t know if she’s really over you. I don’t want her to keep hurting by my side.” It was quiet. Satoru didn’t speak, allowing Toji to continue. “Plus, I fear that she will forever feel like she just comes second to my wife. To be honest, I feel that with her too. With you being her first.” Toji felt surprised at his honesty. He just hopes that you won’t overhear this.

“You’re the present. I’m her past.” It felt bitter for Satoru to say, “I’m starting to accept that now. I’m just contented that I can be with my daughter and that I take care of them even from the sidelines.” 

But Satoru would forever wish it didn't have to be like that. 

“I’m not playing matchmaker. I just want what’s best for her. Even if it’s not me, Toji.” He stood up, sighing as he heard footsteps coming closer. You came in struggling to carry a barefoot, laughing little girl, a towel and her bag. “Dada!” She screamed with a smile as she tries to get away from you. “You’ll slip!” You warned her and Satoru quickly went closer to take her in his arms. 

Toji sat there for a minute more, processing the man’s words. The best for you. If he’s going to ask Satoru about it, he’d say that if he has to pick someone for Y/N, Toji will be a top candidate. Aside from the fact that he’s a good man who truly cares for her, he also easily understands your situation because he has a child of his own too.

It’s safe to say that right now, you’re the only man that Satoru feels is safe to leave his daughter and baby momma with. His past mistakes and horrible decisions put him in this place and the least that he could do to make it all up to you is support you and whatever makes you happy as long as it’s good for you and his child.

“We’ll be going now, thank you, Toji.” Only then has Toji realize that he’s been staring at the three of you now and his baby boy who’s trying to hug Yui as her father puts on her shoes. “Uh, yeah. Let me walk you guys out.” He licked his lips, blinking fast as he tried to snap himself back to reality. “Come on, Megs. After this, you take a bath, alright?” He picked him up, wrapping a towel around his body.

“Come again. Please.” Satoru laughed as the little boy waved, probably worried that it would take months for his little friend to come over again. “She’ll be back soon, bro. Chill.” That’s wild, Toji thought, He just called my son ‘bro’. Before you could even get on the other side of the car, Toji has made up his mind. “Uhm, Y/N.” You looked up at him, for some reason, eyes shining with what seemed to be…hope.

“Can we come over sometime?” Megumi’s little cheer made your smile wider, nodding at them, “Of course..” You felt like a teen, worried that you answered too quickly, “Anything for that ‘gumi smile.” You played it off cool but kept your eyes on Toji the whole time. 

You didn’t hear anything about what he and Satoru talked about. But it was nice to know that they’re starting to get along. Inside, Satoru was fixing his daughter’s things, somehow glad that he couldn’t hear whatever the of two of you were talking about because no matter how happy he is for you, he’d always break into smaller pieces each time he saw you smile and look at Toji like that.

He knows. Because you used to look at him like that. 

Albeit, crossed with pain and longing, you used to look at him with so much love. Overflowing. And then, along with the tears he caused. It felt like acid in his stomach, threatening to spill out of his mouth whenever he thought of what you went through because of him. But now you’re happy. 

He didn’t know that love would show him that some people are worth being pulverized for.  

The car door opened just as he pretended to find something inside the glove compartment and he swallowed the pang in his chest at the glow on your face. “Gumi, babye! Gumi, babye!” His child screams behind him, waving her hands back at her playmate. “You ready to go?” He asked you and you hummed, glee evident even in the small sound. 

With that, the two of you waved at Toji and Megumi, pulling out of their driveway. You smiled at the shared nods between Toji and Satoru before speeding down the road to the bakery where Satoru usually buy Yui’s cakes. Your mind kept going back to Toji. Maybe you’re being delusional but you can’t help but feel like he had to gather the courage to ask you that very last-minute question. 

He feels like a…high school crush. 

And maybe he’s being a high school crush because a week later, he shows up at your doorstep dressed like a heartthrob with a kid in oversized sunglasses and a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

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taglist: @forever-war @astral-hydromancy @witchbybirth @starshinedowo @coffee-on-a-rainyautumn @lost-lonnie @haitanifxn @dearsunaa @clairdelunaax @anxious-chick @tigerchaeee @gingerspicelattemix @tsukkisrightpinky @crowiechan @makimais @infinitemoonlight @iloveblogging2 @cloudsinthecosmos @uchiwife @bellaadonnas @lawlietily @lilxnvm @poopoobuttsy @yihona-san06 @luhvbot @sagekko @asbony @uhremmi

@kurookinnie @why-am-i-here-again-shitheads @galaxyfever @guenievresworld @y2kcy3brz @chocokaylarobin @hopeannalea @shizuuuuuuuu @tojirin @teapartyspilled @ackermendick @shadowarchon @vinkiesz @awkwardaardvarkforever @nvvacanesworld @wolffmaiden @underburningstars @rntrsuna @vampgguk @doulcha @creolequeen11210 @reosnagi

#angst #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #gojo angst #gojo x you #gojo satoru angst #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen angst #jjk #jjk x reader

[sunrizef1]

imgonnagetyouback

Pairing: Lando Norris x Fem!singer!reader

Warnings: Cursing

Authors note: I guess I lied about the Lando thing… this songs just so Lando I can’t explain it and I’m actually obsessed with this song rn. You probably have to at least know the premise of the song to understand the second half of this.

INSTAGRAM

yourusername

📍New York, New York

liked by maxfewtrell taylorswift and 13,998,887 others

yourusername hello, New York!

tagged: taylorswift

Load comments…

user1 my fav

user2 love her

user3 so pretty 🤩

taylorswift 🩵

yourusername 🤭💋

user4 welcome to New York, so real

user5 I miss Lando

user6 hi queen!!!

user7 new music when

user8 “I love NY not you” lmao Lando get up

user9 now why in the world did max like this

user10 and now Lando will post an Instagram story of him partying with some random girl to prove he’s having more fun than y/n is, we know how this goes

user11 you can not tell me they don’t miss each other

sabrinacarpenter pretty 🤩 🤩 🤩

yourusername no u 💋

user12 I just need a video of her English ass trying to navigate new York please and thx

maxfewtrell hey bestie!

yourusername oh my god get out of here

user13 wtf is max doing 😭😭

gracieabrams I ❤️ u

yourusername 🥰

oscarpiastri hi

yourusername hi?

———————————————

landonorris added to their story

user14

Now wtf

user15

user10 was right

user16

Alright ig

oscarpiastri

oh okay

MESSAGES

INSTAGRAM

yourusername added to their story

oscarpiastri

Still can't believe you convinced me to do that

yourusername

You'll be fine, ill get you concert tickets

can't even tell its you either

oscarpiastri

fine

they better be vip

yourusername

Dw they will be

—————-

maxfewtrell

???

yourusername

Dw its just Oscar

maxfewtrell

Jesus i cant believe you

yourusername

He started it. This is the first time I've included a guy in my posts, landos been doing it for months

maxfewtrell

you're gonna be the death of me

yourusername

💋💋💋💋

maxfewtrell

take care of yourself though y/n

yourusername

I am

Thx tho max 🫶

maxfewtrell

Yeah yeah 🙄

——————————————

yourusername

📍Paris, France

liked by charles_leclerc oscarpiastri and 21,008,771 others

yourusername I can tell when somebody still wants me

load comments…

user17 oh yay they're gonna sneak diss in their Insta captions again

user18 I miss dad ☹️

user19 she's so pretty omg

maxfewtrell oh wonderful we’re doing this now

yourusername leave

user20 lando its your turn

user21 IM IN LOVE WITH HER

charles_leclerc I'm amused

yourusername congrats

user22 they're so messy I love them

oscarpiastri great he's about to drag me into doing something stupid because of this

yourusername that is not my problem

user23 I sense new music coming along

user24 I do genuinely think he still wants her lowk

user25 they want eachother, don't lie. Its defo mutual

user26 😍😍😍

taylorswift 🤩

yourusername 🥰

jackantonoff 🤪

liker by yourusername

user27 why is jack here???? New music???

————————————————

landonorris

liked by maxfewtrell martingarrix and 12,008,998 others

landonorris I have what I want

load comments…

user28 oh… yay

user29 🤩🤩🤩

user30 say what you want about their shitty personalities but they sure do know how to make an aesthetic post

user31 the shade is immense

maxfewtrell im nauseous

landonorris 👍

user32 they’re so into each other it’s actually insane

user33 OH MY GOD WE GET IT YOU MISS EACHOTHER

user34 🤩🤩🤩

user35 he’s so fine

user35 LANDO-

user36 now what’s y/n gonna do

user37 how long until they both apologize and get back together… these are not the posts of people who have healthily moved on from their previous relationship

user38 fine as hell lowk

oscarpiastri this is 100% the most healthy way to handle this

landonorris I didn’t ask

user39 all of their friends are so annoyed and it’s so funny

———————————————

yourusername added to their story

maxfewtrell

Is this a song where you admit you’re still in love with Lando so you both can finally get over your emotional immaturity???

yourusername

kinda

maxfewtrell

Oh fr?

I thought you’d just be mean to him for the whole song

yourusername

Uhhh-

——————————————

yourusername

liked by sabrinacarpenter taylorswift and 21,000,111 others

yourusername imgonnagetyouback out now 🩶

Load comments…

user40 IM GONNA GET YOU BACK

user41 oh my god it’s so good

user42 LANDO GET UP

user43 THE CAPTION FROM PARIS WAS A SONG LYRICCCCC

user44 oh so she’s still in love with him

user45 “you were never not mine” 💀

user46 I CAN FEEL IT COMING HUMMIN IN THE WAY YOU MOVE

user47 PUSH THE RESET BUTTON WERE BECOMING SOMETHING NEW

user48 SAY YOU GOT SOMEBODY ILL SAY IVE GOT SOMEONE TOO

user49 EVEN IF ITS HANDCUFFED IM LEAVING HERE WITH YOU

user50 “I’m an Aston Martin” okay lance strollll

oscarpiastri “I’ve got someone too” no you do not 💀

yourusername oh my god shut up

user51 she’s still in love with him dhmu

maxfewtrell when I asked if this was going to be emotionally healthy and not a diss I can now see why you were conflicted…. Bit of both tbh

yourusername 🫶

maxfewtrell 👎

user52 told my friends I hate you but I love you just the same 😭

user53 SO GOOD

user54 WHETHER IM GONNA BE YOUR WIFE????

——————————————

landonorris added to their story

maxfewtrell

…

what does this achieve

landonorris

What do you want

maxfewtrell

Mate come on

you’re still obviously in love with her

and the song litteraly shows she’s still in love with you

all you’ve done is post a thirst trap of yourself with song lyrics on top

landonorris

It’s not a thirst trap

maxfewtrell

I hate both of you

text her mate

you’re happier together

And I’m tired of both of you annoying the shit out of me

landonorris

Fine

Maybe I will

maxfewtrell

Thank god

It’d be the first time you listened to me

—————————————

MESSAGES

INSTAGRAM

yourusername added to their story

maxfewtrell

That better be Lando or so help me god

yourusername

Calm your tits

It is

maxfewtrell

YEAHHHH

Finally

I can stop playing matchmaker

yourusername

😒😒😒😒

————————————————

oscarpiastri

Oh so this means you’ll both stop dragging me into your dumb shit

yourusername

🖕🖕🖕🖕

oscarpiastri

🫶

———————————————

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

landonorris

liked by yourusername maxfewtrell and 13,001,881 others

landonorris told my friends I hate you but I love you just the same

load comments…

user55 YEAHHHHHHH

user56 Y/N LIKED WE’RE SO BACK

user57 my favs

user58 my parents are back together 😭

user59 unlike your real ones

user58 woah???

user59 🤷‍♀️ it’s the truth

user60 I missed them so much 😭😭😭

user61 admitted you love your ex-gf on main, this is self-improvement

yourusername pick your poison, babe

landonorris I’m poison either way

user62 I appreciate the repeating lyrics at each other because it is cute but those are not the kindest lyrics to be repeating 😭

user63 who knew that shit-talking your ex in a song could get him to re-admit his love for you

maxfewtrell took you long enough

landonorris legitimately who asked you

maxfewtrell I’m the reason this even happened in the first place. Watch your tone.

landonorris thanks i guess

maxfewtrell “I guess” @/yourusername this is how happy he is to have you back

yourusername landoooo

landonorris sorry. Thank you so much max, I’m so grateful you brought the loml back to me.

maxfewtrell you’re welcome ☺️

—————————————

yourusername

liked by landonorris maxfewtrell and 20,887,991 others

yourusername got you back

load comments…

user64 she got him back 🥹

user65 YEAHHHHH LFG

user66 awwwww

user67 I love them so much

user68 sleeping on the highway tonight 🫶

oscarpiastri 🥳🥳🥳

liked by yourusername

user69 these pictures are so cute oh my god 😭

user70 IM GONNA GET YOU BACK

landonorris you decided wether you’re gonna be my wife or smash up my bike yet?

yourusername still not sure… maybe both 🤔

user71 BOTH?????

user72 YEAH YEAH THATS FUNNY AND ALL BUT SHE JUST SAID SHE’D MARRY HIM

maxfewtrell congratulations nerds

yourusername thanks mate

user73 I’m in love with both of them

user74 they’re both so much happier together I really hope they stick this time

user75 and when she releases a love album then what

landonorris ily 🫶

yourusername ily2 🫶

user76 Jesus Christ they’re such teenagers 😭 USE FULL WORDS 😭😭😭

user77 no I get them. I wouldn’t post full love confessions in an Instagram comment section either lmao

user78 they got each other back 🫶

———————————————

Taglist: @casperlikej @evie-119

#lando norris x female reader #lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x reader #lando x reader #lando imagine #lando norris fanfic #lando norris fluff #scheduled #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 x female reader #f1 x y/n #f1 x you #f1 smau

[makethemhoesmad]

but if i’m all dressed up

only @cjrights knows what i went through for this

KATE MARTIN X READER

“s’fucking pretty tonight baby,” kate tells me, leaning in between my face and my desktop mirror, that i’m seated in front of. she pushes my chair back just slightly so she can monopolize my lap, pressing her face into my chest.

“i can’t look pretty if you always gotta come here and get on me when i start getting ready,” i say, leaning down to kiss her cheek, leaving a glossy pink mark behind.

“what are you even getting ready for? you could just cancel, you know.” god, i love kate, but she can be so stupid sometimes. it’s one of the cutest things about her though, so i let it slide.

“kate. i’m getting ready for our date, that you told me to go get ready for.” she sighs against me, pushing her hands under my shirt.

“we can cancel,” she mutters, now fumbling with the strings on my sweatpants.

“nuh uh, you dug this hole for yourself. go get ready, you got it.”

she grins up at me, then slides off my lap and onto her knees.

“cmon ma, you keep getting ready, i need’ya so bad, you’re just so pretty, and perfect, and i love you so much, and,”

“shhh, kate, you can sit down there, but i don’t want you doing anything that’ll take away from our date.”

she takes those words lightly, i guess, because she inches off my sweats and panties, then presses her face in between my thighs. i try to ignore her ministrations, focusing on, well, i don’t remember now. not now that she’s pulled my clit between her lips, and just stopped. 

“baby, i don’t think you should just sit there, please, you should do something mommy” i whimper, moving my hands from my desk to her blonde hair, tugging it lightly. i feel the groan that drags from her, and i feel her tongue press up and into me.

“oh my god- so fucking good kate” 

i can feel her grin, pulling a climax from my body. i shake against her, then she pulls away. she stands up and carries me onto the bed, divulging us both of whatever we were wearing.

“kate.” i say, pulling her up to me so we’re fave to face.

“yeah, ma?” she says, running her tongue over her teeth in a way that makes me want to melt a little bit”

“were we ever really going on a date?” 

“i plead the fifth”

“dumbass”

she pouts at my words, turning away to face the wall.

“d’aww, im sorry baby, c‘mere.” she turns back, never really able to say no to me, and intertwines our arms, legs, and faces. 

“i just wanted to see you all dressed up ma, you know i like it when you do all that fun shit.”

#kate martin x reader #las vegas aces #iowa wbb #kate martin #i missed her tbh #my first love

[gayestcowboy]

fantasy dildo recs please? im trying to find one that isnt like $100 but is still good and reputable and wont fill my body with microplastics. ive been looking at neotori and they look great but;; the price;;; anyway yeah recs please?

hi! i have a lot of information for you.

first off, my specific recommendations of fantasy toy shops i’ve bought from or know to be reputable: uberrime, wandering bard, twilight meadow creations, strange bedfellas, pleasure forge, pp sculptors, batbites, xenocat artifacts. all of these shops have toys under 100 usd. uberrime especially has a huge selection including non-fantasy, realistic, and dual density. my top 3 fantasy toys right now are TMC’s ambrose (mini), wandering bard’s shadow demon (x small), and uberrime’s ardor dragon (small). highly recommend ambrose to transmascs with bottom growth. also it looks cool as fuck. mine is bright green and yellow.

second, this google doc is a masterpost of fantasy and fantasy-adjacent sex toy companies (created as a list of alternatives to bad dragon) and is organized quite well, and includes some shops to be wary of. it was last updated in 2022 so it’s outdated, but it’s massive and still quite useful. safe fantasy toys dot com also lists body safe toy companies, although you should still check reputability of the company before you buy (some of the companies listed on the site should still be avoided for various reasons— try cross checking with the google doc, browsing reddit, etc). all of the specific companies i recommend in this post use platinum silicone only, but if you go searching for other toys make sure to avoid jelly and other porous materials because they cannot be sanitized properly and will store bacteria. just like with piercing and body jewelry (another one of my special interests lol), it’s always better to pay more for safety when it’s something going inside your body. reputable stores will always list the material, and tend to have pages on their sites with even more specific information on their silicone. shipping also affects the price, especially international shipping.

also, when youre shopping for fantasy toys, make sure you check the sizing. smaller toys are frequently under 100 usd. many fantasy toys tend to be quite large anyways, especially knotted toys (many small knotted toys still have diameters of 2”+ which is too large for me personally. for reference i think the average human penis is somewhere around 1.5” diameter and my personal maximum for toys right now is ~1.75). there’s so much diversity in fantasy toys that you will probably be able to find toys that fit your desired length/girth and are still classified as small and therefore less expensive. if you’re new to fantasy toys or have trouble with insertion (or even just have an average sized vagina/rectum), small fantasy toys can be cost efficient and accessible and more fun than more standard toys. many stores will also sell b-grade toys at a discount for minor cosmetic flaws that don’t affect usage. also, there’s a pretty big market for secondhand toys/dong sales on twitter, reddit, etc so if you’re willing to buy secondhand, that can be more cost efficient. quality silicone toys can be properly sanitized by boiling and other methods. for more cheap options— good glass toys can frequently be under 50 usd, and are easy to sanitize. also, tantus isn’t quite a fantasy brand, but it’s very high quality and has some great toys on the cheaper side (i love the tantus magma). and if you want a really good cheap vibrator, the romp hype is amazing and only 35 usd.

i am by no means an expert, just incredibly autistic, but i hope this helps! i’m always happy to try answering questions about sex toys!

#inbox #anon #yeehaws #fantasy toys #this is so long i hope it’s helpful 😭 i’m a yapper for real

[ivysangel]

…vampire!jason thoughts… you must provide them im desperate…. -🐞

(ik you probably expected #real smut, honestly i did too but this ended up turning into a whole bunch of lore/headcanons/whatever tf. i'm so sorry bae cw: talks of consuming blood)

you ask, you shall receive. i've been thinking about jason and dick as vampires in relation to each other, so this'll be a post about both of them just for the sake of comparisons. also, in my mind, this au takes place during the 19th century because i've conflated vampirism with the victorian era, and it's also no capes in regards to vigilantism bc vampires do love a good cape.

in this victorian era, vampire au dick would be either a nobleman or straight up royalty. he's got status, money, and a pretty face, and he uses them all to his advantage when it comes to feeding. you know in the originals or itwtv when they host an event that's actually a cover for them finding their next meal? yeah, he does that. he flirts with all of the ladies, plays into his charms, and sweeps women off their feet. and at the end of the night (sometimes even mid-ball), he coaxes them upstairs and ravishes them, sometimes in more ways than one.

i think for dick feeding is something he can have fun with, knowing that he holds such a high ranking in society that when bodies of people he's been seen with show up around town, people turn a blind eye. and even when someone does try to investigate, the wayne family checking account talks enough to shut down anything beyond a questioning.

in many pieces of media surrounding vampires, there are people who know about vampires and choose to feed them their blood. there's a bunch of lore that explores the idea that a vampire bite is almost orgasmic and kind of addictive, which is why some people are more than willing to put themselves in harm's way by either being employed by vampires or by straight up just throwing themselves into a vampires line of sight with open wounds.

with that being said, i think dick grayson likes the chase. i think that even if his father (bruce, who is also a vampire in this au because vampire families are just superior) has people on his payroll to provide blood for them, he's going to go out on his own to flirt a bit, get laid, and then have his fill.

which brings me to my next point; while feeding, like sex, is an intimate act, it's far from necessary for dick to need an emotional connection with a person he feeds off of or even a physical one. sex and feeding are related but not totally synonymous, and if he needs to just feed or just get his rocks off, he can. is it preferred? maybe not. i believe he does like the mess that comes with doing both at the same time.

ok so for jason, ugh so obsessed with him as a vampire because i think it's so in line with his canon story. in a lot of vampire lore, to become a vampire, you have to consume the blood of a vampire and either die or be on the brink of death, which is just so. it's so jason dying and being revived by the lazarus pit coded. and even the way he inevitable that he will spill blood post-revival in both this vampire au and his canon storyline…it's almost prophetic.

anyway, jason's approach to vampirism is quite different. i think he struggles with it no matter how long he's been one. he can't fully grasp that he's immortal; he looks in the mirror and sees that he hasn't aged a day and he feels sick. being a vampire for him feels like a curse and he only continues living because he's scared to die (again).

he doesn't stay anywhere too long, typically hopping from town to town in the middle of the night when less people are around. he believes himself to be out of place amongst normal people and he's paranoid that people can smell the iron on his breath when he talks to them so he makes it a point to have minimal interaction with people.

it's crippling, he drives himself mad with the solitude, but i feel like another reason why he continues to stay alive is to spite his creator, whoever that may be. he's most definitely got an agenda, in true jason fashion. i just don't know what it is yet.

he feeds only when he needs to but tries not to let the hunger get too intense because i do feel like when he loses control, he's the stefan salvitore type. a ripper. but he's pretty good about it and is almost polite when he's feeding? like he finds a victim and says i'm sorry before just absolutely tearing into their jugular.

i just really think he grapples with his own mortality, or lack thereof, and how it exists at the expense of others. so he is genuinely ashamed of who he is and what he's become. so, while blood drinking is something he needs to survive, it holds a lot of weight for him, which is why i think drinking blood and sex are pretty equal for him when it comes to intimacy level.

that brings me to my MAIN point (which isn't really a main point because it's being reduced to a small paragraph at the end of this post), all of that was background for this, eek. the act of drinking blood during sex is so. big. for him, it's eye-opening, life-changing. the amount of trust required on both ends for this to happen…at that point, it's basically end game for you two. and it's so funny because that's just a normal tuesday for dick.

anyway, i do have more thoughts and more lore, but this got really long, so i'll cut it off here

#★ dirty laundry ★ #vampire!jason #vampire!dick #jason todd #dick grayson #red hood #nightwing #jason todd headcanons #red hood headcanons #jason todd imagine #dick grayson imagine #red hood imagine #nightwing imagine

[hunterofartemis7]

Pt.11

*at the police station*

Bruce: do I even want to know how you ALL got arrested?

Jason: we have a very good reason!

Bruce: oh I’d love to hear it

Jason: a doctor was very rude to raven and made her cry

Tim: and he had so many complaints from different female staff and female patients so we took matters into our own hands

Bruce:…yeah that’s a good reason. *pays their bail*

Cop: *lets them all out*

Dick: btw, where are the birds at?

Bruce: outside with Kori and Selena

Jason: cat moms here?

Bruce: yes

Jason:….put me back in the cell

*outside*

Raven: I didn’t think they would get arrested

Damian: I did

Selina: I mean, they had a good reason.

Kori: you think the doctor will sue them?

Selina: he can try, but Bruce had better lawyers

Raven: how much was their bail?

Selina: probably a couple hundred a piece. Why?

Raven: cause I need to know how much to pay Bruce back for

Bruce: *coming out of the jail* you’re not paying me back for anything Raven.

Raven: but they got arrested because of me…

Jason: no we got arrested because no one fucks with our family.

Raven:..thank you, for sticking up for me

Dick: anytime Rae.

Bruce: so what exactly did he do to make you cry and make them THAT angry?

Jason: uhhhhh…..

Raven:…..

Tim: *gives her the “we say nothing if you don’t want us to” look*

Selina: well??

Raven: *mumbles* he..was saying awful things about me..and my baby..

Selina: BABY!?!?

Bruce: your pregnant?

Raven: *nods* I..I’m sorry I didn’t tell y—*gets tackled by Selina*

Selina: CONGRATULATIONS!!!! MY WORDS IM GONNA BE A GRANDMA! 🥹

Bruce: *hugs her as well* congratulations my dear! I’m so happy for you! *turns to Damian and hugs him* congratulations son

Damian: thank you father

Jason: B this is your first grandchild

Bruce: I know.🥹

Dick: so we’re celebrating now..okay. *takes a breath* IM GONNA BE AN UNCLE!!! *bear hugs Damian*

Damian: UNHAND ME GRAYSON!

Jason: I’m really happy for you two but also…*punches Damian in the arm* WHAT THE HELL MAN?!

Damian: what was that for!?

Jason: uh maybe for not telling us sooner!! Our baby brother is having a baby and you didn’t tell us immediately! How long have you known!?

Raven: little over a week…

Jason: REALLY!?

Damian: we were going to tell you!

Tim: when?

Damian: in like…3 months

Selina: THREE MONTHS!?

Kori: guys, stop yelling

Jason: give me one good reason why!?

Kori: *motions to raven who’s tearing up*

Raven: I’m sorry…😣

Jason: Rae…no no sweetheart it’s okay, don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong

Raven:😖😭 *hormones suck*

Damian: way to go asshole *hugs raven close, rubbing her back*

Dick: Rae were not actually mad, we’re just giving Damian shit.

Tim: yeah we didn’t mean to make you upset.

Jason: *looks at Kori like “this will be a long few months”*

Kori:😑

#damian x raven #raven dc #raven roth #damirae #raven teen titans #damian wayne #robin damian #jason todd #tim drake #dick grayson #koriand'r #the batfam #bruce wayne #selina kyle #hormones suck #Damian’s gonna have his hands full

[lizardwritess]

you belong with me

pairings: bsf!rafe cameron x kook!fem!reader

summary: rafe just cant see he belongs with you. ( about 1.2k words! )

warnings: cussing. sofia being a bit of a bitch. cringy.

trope: bestfriends to lovers. ;)

a/n: i came up with this idea while listening ❝ you belong with me ❞ by taylor swift. please tell me if theres anyone with this similar post already posted so i can give them credit. if you come along any grammar errors, PLEASE TELL ME. english is not my first language so please be kind. enjoy reading! <3

❝ you’re on the phone with your girlfriend shes upset, shes going on about something that u said. ❞

you sat next to rafe, listening in to him and sofias phonecall. "i didn't fucking call you a bitch sofia, are you trying to break up with me.. gaslight me?" he shouts so sofia on the other side of the phone. "of course you didn’t, why would my best friend lie to me? she saw you and y/n in the country club talking about me." she yells back over the speaker. "maybe she would lie because she's in love with rafe.." you mumble under your breathe. "bye sofia, im sick of this." rafe said, and hung up the phone.

❝ im in my room, its a typical tuesday night. im listening to the kind of music she doesn't like. ❞

you and rafe are sitting in your room. listening to something that rafe had put on. "so.. how is it going with you and sofia?" you ask rafe, who is laying on the edge of your bed. "if im goin' to be honest, i might break up with her. she keeps messin with my head." he tells you while switching the music, something what sofia would hate. this got your attention, since you’ve liked rafe for a long time now. scared to confess to your feelings. "really?" you ask. "yeah, might do it this week or next."

❝ cause, she wears short skirts. i wear t-shirts. she's cheer captain and im on the bleachers. ❞

you were sat on your bed in your oversized t-shirt, you stole from rafe. you have been scrolling for ages on instagram. you saw a post of sofias, her in a short cheer uniform. before you could swipe to the next picture you get a call from rafe, you pick up. "yes, rafe?" you say in a tired voice. "come on my boat tomorrow, me topper and kelce. sofia doesnt want to come, shes still mad at me for some reason. oh and make sure to wear that pink bikini." after that, he hung up.

❝ dreaming 'bout the day you will wake up and find. that what you are looking for has been here the whole time. ❞

so there you were, talking with rafe about the break up with sofia. its been 3 weeks since he broke up with her. and she cant seem to leave you alone. "rafe, i don't know what to do. she won’t leave me alone." you say to him with annoyance in your tone. "ill ask topper or kelce to fake date me or something." you tell him with a groan. rafe jaw clenches. "or just fake date, me." he mutters under his breath, loud enough for you to hear. "what was that?" you say a bit flustered. "nothing.." he tells you. but you don't believe it.

❝ walk in the streets with you and your worn out jeans. i can't help thinking this is how it ought to be. laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself "hey, isn't this easyyy?" ❞

you walked beside rafe, shopping for some new jeans. with all that money you think rafe ever buys jeans? well if you do then you are wrong. he fell with his motorcycle a couple days ago, and hes still wearing the jeans. they're all worn out but he wont buy new ones, so you forced him to shop with you. "what about these?" you show him a pair of khaki shorts from ralph lauren. "yeah, i think they well do." he says to u with a small smile. "alright." you say and walk over too check out. a

fter the shopping trip, you find yourself on a park bench sitting besides rafe, eating ice cream. "uhm y/n, you got some ice cream there." he pointed at your face. "here?" you ask while wiping it with ur thumb. "no, just there. wait." he swipes his thumb over your upper lip, where the ice cream is. and licks it off his thumb. you eyes widen, and a blush creeps up on your cheeks.

❝ and you've got a smile that can light up this whole town, i haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down. you say you're fine, I know you better than that hey, what you doing with a girl like that? ❞

since rafe and sofia broke up, he hasnt been the same. hes been a bit colder, and doesnt go out as much. he only does when you force him. and how you missed that smile of his, and how his dimples come out when he does.

you sit in the living room of tanneyhill, rafe close next to you. knees touching. you lay your head on his shoulder. "are you okay?" you ask rafe with a concerned tone. "yeah, im fine." he says with a cold tone. "what did you see in sofia anyway, you deserve better then her.." this got his attention, were you implying that you were better? only if you knew that rafe has liked you for ages, thats the main reason he broke up with sofia. but he would never tell you that. "like, who?" he asks in a teasing tone. you blush a bit, but still force yourself to look at him. "like me rafe, ive liked you for ages, and i cant keep seeing you with other girls. you couldnt see it, but sofia treated you like shit. but i wasnt going to tell you that." you ramble, embarrassed by yourself. "i have to go." you leap off the couch and sprint to the door, into your car. and you drive away, leaving rafe confused.

❝ if you could see that I'm the one who understands you. been here all along, so why can't you see? you belong with me. ❞

you’ve been ignoring rafe ever since your confession, scared of what he would say when he would see you. it's all working out until one day at the beach, you were sitting on your towel. with your best friend bianca next to you. looking at your group of friends in the water. everything is going perfectly, you havent seen rafe here yet. until you feel a tap on your shoulder, you turn around to see nobody else then the person you didnt want to see. rafe.

you stand up, looking at your feet, a bit embarrassed. he grabs ur chin, forcing you to look at him. when you do, you see him looking down at you with his perfect blue eyes. you look down at his lips for a second, and before you can look up you feel his lips on yours. he pulls away. "have you ever thought just maybe? you belong with me." you tell him. "im not sure what to say, but id like for you to be my girlfriend." he says. "uhm, if you'd want to." he says with laugh. "i'd like that." you say with a lopsided smile.

#@lizardwrites ✧.* #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron fluff #rafe obx #rafe imagine #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x fem!reader #rafe cameron imagines #rafe cameron soft #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe x female!mc #rafe x reader #outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron outer banks #drew starkey #drew starkey fluff #drew starkey x reader

[megabuild]

im sorry scott but bdubs would NOT want to terminate that child, he WANTS the child, etho on the other hand,

do you think bdubs is prolife

so bdubs is weird because hes a feminist #women but he is also lowkey minecraft catholic and has some weird traditional views so yes i think he was prolife outside of very serious cases he just doesnt talk about it because once he made some comment about life starting at conception and cleo laughed in his face, brutally, which is the number one way to make bdubs shut up about anything, so he keeps going about his life with these views but like now sort of buried deep and weird about it but it doesn't matter because like he's gay and so it's never going to be an issue for him or so he thinks until he gets boypreggers because xisuma fucked the code because everyone on the server was being too fucking gay and careful and the matchups meant no one was getting pregnant and he NEEDS a personal anecdote to cite in his next rant video on why we should listen to people who try to firebomb fertility clinics, so anyway yeah bdubs is boypreggers and frankly he probably would want to keep this if it weren't for the fact its ethos because etho is a freak, etho is not even human, etho would be the worst absent mother and wouldnt even be absent, she has like 3 robot kids but a real sentient thing with flesh is out of the question cause then she'll start putting her cigs out on it, but bdubs cant get an abortion because thats agaijst his morals so he builds a new arena that etho can kick his ass in and hopefully itll like kill the thing in him and he can feel guilty about that and go to confessional and develop a new type of ocd over it but at least nobody has to know because he can pretend it was an accjdent, unfortunately by virtue of building an arena with etho the server gets set on fire before he can finish it and when they migrate to the next season the code resets and his womb is made barren. ethubs continue like nothing ever happened and xisuma makes a rant video on kink at pride instead

#daniel #asks

[misc-obeyme]

so i was just thinking. solomon's like super in love with mc right? so that would mean he'd have a soft spot for them and would be nicer to some extent towards the mc. but like, how much contrast? i've seen instances where he's straight up sarcastic, snarky or "lmao idc" to some extent with other characters, and do you think if the same instance took place w mc as the subject he'd act the same way? most probably not right? as an ardent solomon lover, i just find the thought funny that it would be a running joke (it more or less is a thing with all characters and mc anyway but im just imagining it w solomon) amongst everyone about how nice solomon is with mc but is whatever w everyone. to what extent do u think is the contrast in character? how nice do u think he is in general, because i see many posts about how lovely he is to mc but is it the same with everyone? and how much sweeter do u think he is to us?? i just love thinking abt this because like...im so specialz yay pls love me solomon :')

Oh yeah. Solomon is notoriously down bad for MC. (At least, this is my opinion and I know others feel the same way.)

And I think this translates most in that he does things or acts a certain way with MC that he doesn't do with the others.

He has a general respect for most of the other characters and I think he keeps things civil. Some of them he likes more than others. But in a general sense, Solomon is a smart and powerful guy who is likely always aware of the fact that he's a human among demons and angels. I think he tends to hold everybody else at arm's length out of a sense of self preservation. He eventually opens up more as the story progresses and he becomes more friendly with everyone.

But he doesn't let anyone get as close to him as MC.

I don't know if I'd say he's nicer to MC, necessarily. I would say that he has more trust for MC. He tells MC things he would never tell anyone else. He's also very protective of MC. He's unlikely to go out of his way to protect the others or to defend them to people. But with MC? He shows up when they need him. He stands up for them even when they aren't around.

And I'd say that Solomon would do anything for MC. The others might ask him for help and he's often willing to give it, but he has no problem saying no to any of them (except perhaps Asmo, but even then I think he would if it was a big deal). But for MC, Solomon would lay down his life. Nobody can convince me that a man who would travel back in time just to help bring MC back wouldn't also take a bullet for them if it came down to that.

I don't think a situation like that would ever actually happen. And I also think that Solomon would try to find other ways of fixing things - like I said, this man is smart.

Still I think perhaps the most obvious evidence of him treating MC differently comes down to how much he's been willing to tell them about himself. He's told MC about his childhood, his loneliness, the way MC reminds him of his humanity, how he's jealous of the brothers. He's said these things to MC directly. He's honest and forthright with them.

Not that he lies to everybody else - in fact, I think he's a pretty terrible liar. But he keeps his secrets. He just doesn't tell them to anyone else.

Sure, he still has some secrets from MC. But I think he's keeping them because doing so is keeping MC safe. And I think in the end, he'll tell MC everything.

And THAT is the biggest difference. Solomon loves MC, but Solomon also trusts MC with the deepest truths of himself.

#well that's how I see it #oh anon you're giving me Sol feels now #I wanna write about him more than I have lately #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me solomon #anon asks #misc answers

[alphajocklover]

hey there. I—-iiii—-I’m sorry, I’m a lil a little ner nervous here. I have this uh, like, um, shy. Uh. Shy persona. Im a nerdyaverage gay dude. And I wanna be able to talk in front of like um crowds. Actually I um, had something in mind. I wanna become a big, jacked jock straight comedian. Telling hilarious and sometimes cringe and crude jokes. Getting egged on by my maybe like um, frat bros or something to tell like obnoxious straight dude joke or something. Yeah. Like super douchebag funny guy muscle straight bro who is the life of the party. Young and dumb dude. Is there anything you have that could make this a reality?

It’s nice to meet you Mike! You don’t mind if I call you Mike do you? I know it’s not your name, but I don’t love using real names in my work… also, if I do this right your name could actually be Mike soon. I think that’s a good name for a straight douchebag comedian. It’s kind of a pun actually, a play on open Mike. You could call yourself Mike Dick. Get it, cause it sounds like ‘my dick’? Not funny huh? I’ll admit I’m not the best at this, but you’re the one who wants to be a comedian, not me. And I’m going to tell you how. You need to do what everyone who has stage fright needs to do. You need to get up on that stage… and just start talking.

I bet you're probably very confused right now. I know that the very idea of talking in front of people fills you with dread, and you came to me so you could get that confidence, not some cheesy advice. But I swear to you that I’m not just giving you empty platitudes. When you get up on the stage, in that spotlight, everything will be ok. Not because you believe in yourself, but because that spotlight is being powered by a very special battery. You might remember my supernova transformations, from my earliest stories. You might also remember that I was able to take some of the energy from it using a special solar panel and put it in a battery. While it turns out that if you use that battery to power a light source… It has an interesting effect. Any guy caught in its rays has they’re wish granted, while also being turned into a jock.when I discovered this I thought maybe I had finally found out how InstaJock works, but the transformation isn’t instant, and I’m not sure if you could get that energy to travel through an app or anything, so it’s probably something else.

Anyways, head on up! At first you’ll be your regular, shy and geeky self, but as you bask in the spotlight and start to open up, you’ll slowly change. Your muscles will slowly grow, your body and face becoming more chiseled, and your sense of humor will slowly become more… raunchy. Thoughtful comedy will slowly turn into cheap punchlines about ‘stupid queers’ and crude stories about ‘crazy bitches with huge tits’. Your audience might not like your new style, but a confident stud like you doesn’t care about what losers like that think, and you’ll be certain to get a following of beefy straight douchebags in no time. Especially if you turn that spotlight on the audience. Have fun, and try to use that spotlight responsibly. The battery won’t last forever, and I’m not going to give you a second one.

#muscle growth tf #muscle tf #jock tf #jock transformation #jockification #nerd to jock #supernova tf #kind of #gay to straight

[cy-cyborg]

I'm getting a little tierd of the idea because amputees get more representation in media, it means rep for our disability is better and we "have enough"

People are right, we do have way more rep than really any other disability, im not going to deny that, and ive joked before about how often people write amputees without even realising it. So you would think, by sheer numbers, we should have at least some good representation, but by-and-large that is not the case. Legitimatly, the closest example I can think of to point to of good amputee rep is Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood and even that uses multiple tropes I hate (the miracle cure/quest for the miracle cure, the almost perfect prosthetic replacement/forgetting the chatacter is an amputee until it breaks or needs repairs, refusal to call prosthetics, "prosthetics" (automail), the amputee who can't do anything without a prosthetic) and they call Ed a slur for another disability (m*dget) CONSTANTLY. I love fmab deeply, it legitimatly helped me feel seen and represented as a childhood amputee in a way no other show has even come close to, and when it gets it right, it gets it really right, but it's also very far from great and should not be the best example I can think of. Especially nearly 15 years after it released...

A big part of the reason why I don't read many books anymore is because of the sheer amount of books with downright offensively bad amputee rep, some of which were touted as good by people with other disabilities and were recommended to me as good examples. others times, I wasn't even looking for books with amputee/disability rep, it just popped up. It has ruined one of my childhood hobbies for me. Ive tried to get back into reading again as an adult but it hasn't gotten better in that time i was away. I was kicked out of 3 different scifi writing groups on facebook and reddit for asking people to remember "cybernetic enhancement" users are amputees - a real group of people, and maybe debating weather or not we're less human isnt great, and for pointing out seeing those discussions every day was making me feel pretty unwelcome in that space (yes i know, "real" cyberpunk isnt trying to say that, i had to turn notifications off on my post about the topic, it doesnt change the fact that newer creators in the genre dont seem to get that bit, that ive seen cyberpunk writers in these spaces say that debating weather people who loose more parts of their body were less human was, in fact, their intent but they hadnt even considered the fact this made their chatacters amputees, it doesnt change the fact that these tropes, intentionally or not, help make those spaces hostile for disabled fans/creators, especially amputees).

But yeah, I should be thankful I get more rep than other disabilities, no matter the quality, right?

It doesn't just stop at being me being made uncomfortable, though. The sheer, overwhelming amount of amputee chatacters with "perfect prosthetics" has had a noticeable impact on how we are perceived irl. In my lifetime, the general idea people have about multi-limbed amputees in particular has gone from "literally the worst thing that can happen to a person and the worst disability to have" to "is it even a disability? The prosthetic fixes it". These are both wildly untrue and harmful ideas about my disability that were both perpetuated by media, but now that the second one is taking root, it's causing real problems. I have not been shy in talking about how I have to fight to maintain my NDIS funding every time I get something done with my prosthetics, and had to get my prosthetist to sign off, twice, that my fancy prosthetic knee that costs the same as a higher-end new car ($125,000 AUD) is not, in fact a cure and I still need help with other things. It took me nearly 2 years to get a new wheelchair because they didn't understand why I needed it if I had the prosthetics - which to be honest, is not comfortable for me to wear, let alone use all day every day. Guys this isn't just assholes on the street or on twitter saying dumb shit, it's the people in the government body who decide how much funding I get to help with my disability who beleive it. People who have very real control over my life. It's not entirely the media's fault, but when the sheer, overwhelming majority of representation for people like me confirms that belief, it's hard to ignore the possibility that these portrayals are contributing to it, you know?

Which makes it so frustrating when I come on here and see other disability writing advice blogs saying to not write amputees because they have so much representation already. We do, I can acknowledge that, but the vast, vast majority of it is shit, and no one, not even other disabled people, are listening to us about it. And what makes it even worse, is the people they're advising to not writing amputees are the creators who care enough to be doing the research. They're the ones willing to listen, to ask questions. They could be the start of the positive change. But instead they're advised to not even bother with us.

And don't get me wrong, other disabilities ARE under-represented. There are so many disabilities, including some I have myself, that I've never seen represented as anything other than the butt of a joke. There does need to be more reprentation of disabilities other than amputation and limb differences. 100%! but can you please talk about that without saying "amputees have enough"

This isn't even touching on how amputees/people with limb differences who dont/cant use prosthetics, or even folks who use prosthetics sometimes but not others, are almost never represented unless it's for pitty-porn, or how the non-fictional media's (news outlets, etc) portrayal of amputees in particular is used to justify hurting very real, very vunderable people but this rant is long enough and honestly, ive got enough thoughts to make whole other posts on those subjects. That second one in particular deserves its own (more thought-out) spotlight and shouldn't be a footnote in a frustrated rant post lol.

#writing disability with cy cyborg (unfiltered) #disability #disabled #writing #writeblr #writing disability #disability representation #amputee #amputee representation #rant #long post

[truths33k3r4]

CHAPTER 1 - BREATHE

Raph’s mind was drawing a gaping blank... Well, besides the panicked screaming echoing on repeat...

WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO???????!!

Today had already been full of uncomfortable situations. Enough tears had leaked through his eye sockets to rival those bad actors on one of Sensei’s tv shows. He became a stinkin’ breathing waterfall. Of..emotions. And now, here he was being clung to by a complete stranger. A stranger like him, but still a stranger. And now she’s crying TOO.

Raph lifted his eyes to the sky in a desperate plea.

Why did it have to be me?? Why couldn’t Mikey have done this?? Why do You enjoy stretchin’ me to my limit??? I’ve already been FEELING enough, now I got to deal with OTHER’S EMOTIONS???

Small hands continued to latch onto his. He didn’t try to pull away, but DANG IT ALL he was fighting against the constant urge not to.

I could text Mikey. Y-yeah, I could text him, he could come, do his little empathy magic, while I leave and sort things out… Ughhh but he doesn’t always carry his phone on ‘im. UNLESS OF COURSE HE NEEDS BLACKMAIL AGAINST ME- THEN IT MAGICALLY APPEARS IN HIS FLIPPIN’ HANDS.

The silence in the room amplified the awkwardness of his situation a staggering amount.

I could text Leo……

He wasn’t that desperate yet.

As he continued to try to make a plan of escape, a small sniffle pulled him out of his thoughts. He lowered his gaze back onto Lotus. However much of a complete stranger she was, she was still- well she looked just like a kid; So small and skinny.

And scared.

This… isn’t about me….right..

“Hey- hey, kid. It’s.. it’s ok. Ya need to calm down. At least take a breath.”

Lotus’ shoulders rose and fell as she forced a small puff of air into her lungs. It was pathetic, but at least she tried.

“I guess that’ll do for now.” Raph mumbled as he changed his position on the floor to something a bit more comfortable. “How about you do it again? In and out. Just try to hold it for three seconds.”

Lotus took another shaky breath in and was able to hold it for a little over two seconds, before she let it out again.

Still pathetic, but still progress.

“That’s it. Keep doin’ that. I know it’s been a bit.. scary comin’ here. Especially with my crackhead brother freakin’ you out… But uh- we may be freaks, but we don’t bite.”

Lotus finally looked up, and released some of her grip on Raph’s hand. It seemed that all of her tears had finally been spent, now replaced with a look of complete exhaustion.

It hadn’t been an easy day for anyone.

“Th- thank you, Rapha-…. Raph.” Lotus brokenly squeaked with a grateful smile. “You- you sound just like your brother.. The blue one- Um…Leo.”

Raph jolted in surprise as his brows creased in doubt.

“I’m nothin’ like him.” Raph offhandedly stated.

“Yeah sure,” Lotus scoffed, highlighting her exhausted complexion with a tinge of playful sarcasm, “ how could brothers ever act alike? My bad.”

Raph sat there with his mouth slightly ajar, blinking.

“I mean- YEAH, we’re brothers, but that doesn’t mean we’re all the same! This ain’t no cartoon where the only thing that defines us is our costume colors!”

“Huh. But you’re all soooo alike.. It’s probably a good thing you wear different colored masks, so people can tell you apart.” Lotus taunted, making Raph’s face burn in exasperation and a hint of embarrassment.

“N-NO, WE ARE NOT.” Raph sputtered indignantly, “I’M the tough guy, Don does machines, Leo’s the leader, and Mikey-” Raph takes a millisecond to think, “-We don’t know what Mikey is- But we are NOT ALL THE SAME.”

Raph looks back at Lotus and notices the gigantic, Mikey-Grade smile now shining on her face.

Little. Twerp.

Raph had to admit, it was funny. Clearly Lotus had enjoyed every second of tormenting him, but there was no way he was going to let her get away with it.

“Ya little brat! You’re trying to tick me off on purpose- what, did Mikey put you up to this???”

Raph playfully punched Lotus’ shoulder to congratulate her on a job well done. Though, going by her slightly pained expression after the hit, he realized he apparently punched her a little too hard..

“Heheh.. My bad..” He apologized as Lotus began rubbing her now sore arm.

“It’s fine..” Lotus snickered through a wince.

The room went silent.

Great. First emotions, now awkward silence. Just hittin’ all the marks today.

Raph used his unclutched hand to rub at his neck, as Lotus began looking around the room. Normally, during a moment of silence, a person would be contemplating what their next opener will be to a conversation, or even just taking in the scenery around them.

Not Raph.

No, he was too busy shriveling in the burning heat of awkwardness and feelings. He felt like a worm slowly getting cooked on the sidewalk.

Master Splinter had always taught Raph and his brothers the importance of caring for others; Putting their needs before your own and all that jazz. But just because he was taught that from a young age, didn’t make it any easier for him to do. He tried though! .. In his own way. A little jab to the arm here, a quick “good job” there… But that was the extent of his emotional capabilities.

And now here he is. The most emotionally-inept brother stuck with the impossible goal to comfort a weeping female turtle mutant. Fantastic.

The grating silence was disturbed by a prompt “SORRY!” from Lotus, as she finally released Raph from his prison her grip. Raph chuckled to himself as he began massaging his now freed wrist.

“It’s fine. You got a good grip on ya.” Raph was very grateful Lotus had decided to cling to his left arm.

“O-Oh.. Uh.. thanks.” Lotus shrugged, as she forced her hands back under the covers. She then tried to lay back down, but winced as she moved her recovering leg.

“O-ow!”

“Hey, you ok?” Raph turned to her, gripping his hand steadily on her shoulder to hopefully grant her more stability, “You shouldn’t be movin’ around too much. You still gotta heal.”

Lotus only nodded as a response, as Raph helped her lower her head back down to the pillow.

Ok- before things get quiet again- JUST SAY SOMETHING. Chat about the weather, favorite tv series- SOMETHING.

“Soo..Where’d you get those marks on your head and arms?”

REALLY?? THAT’S THE BEST YOU CAN DO??? Where do ya THINK SHE-

“..Um.. I was born with them?.. I think?” Lotus said in uncertainty as she looked over the star-like markings decorating her shoulders.

..She thinks?

“..How about you?” Lotus gestured to Raph’s arms.

“I was born with em’ too.”

“Even those scars?”

Raph’s pupils constricted as his eyes widened. His hand slowly raised to touch the deep green slash over his right eye, as his gaze lowered to peer at the lightning bolt scar imprinted into his skin at the tip of his plastron.

“N-nah. Didn’t get these until I got older.” His voice lowered almost to a whisper as memories replayed in his mind. He had to take a deep inhale to slow his brain down. He pointed up to the scar on his face. “This was an accident.”

Please change the subject.

“Oh..” Lotus nodded in understanding, “What about-”

Raph and Lotus both flinched as Don came staggering into the bedroom. His throat choked on every breath being squeezed out of his lungs, and his shoulders trembled.

“-DON?? What’s goin’ on? Are you oka-”

Raph looked into his twin’s eyes. He recognized the overwhelming fear plaguing his brother’s face. He knew it all too well. The silent link between the two connected in an instant, with message after message from Donatello.

( HELP. HELP. THEY WON’T STOP- I CAN’T MAKE THEM STOP. )

“Don, it’s ok! BREATHE.”

Raph watched as his twin’s gaze went from panicked to unfocused. He probably didn’t hear a word Raph had said.

The crimson-clad brother got off the floor and turned to Lotus.

“You good? I- I gotta take care of my brother-” He promptly asked, twisting his head from Lotus to Don with each word.

“Yeah, I’m fine-”

“-Kay. Rest up. Chill. Don’t move your leg. Take the two pills on the side table.”

And with that, Raph ran to his twin just in time to catch him before the purple-clad brother fell to the ground in a wheezing heap.

. . .

Donatello’s head pulsed with a deep ache as all his anxiety and fear combined into a tormenting storm in his body. Thunderbolts of adrenaline shot through his arms and legs forcing them to tremble. His instincts shouted for him to find help. GET HELP. GET HELP NOW.

Without his permission, his legs began moving towards the brothers’ bedroom. He didn’t register quite yet what he was doing, but it felt right to search for some semblance of comfort from one of his brothers. And by the fact that his heart rate and breathing were accelerating at a dangerous pace, he knew he needed to move as fast as he could before his low oxygen levels caught up.

HELP.

Donatello’s mind still thundered loudly with the echoes of his horrible memories, but then the sound of someone’s worried tone parted some of the clouds.

“-D-N?? W-’s goin’ on? - yo- oka-”

( HELP. HELP. THEY WON’T STOP- I CAN’T MAKE THEM STOP. )

The world remained a shadowed blur as he fought to gain back control of his body. The voice- Raphael’s voice, was telling him to breathe, which sounded like a wise thing to do. With each forced breath, Don’s vision slowly cleared. The red and green blur in front of him crystallized into the face of his worried twin. Don’s head continued to swim in the raging currents of adrenaline, but at least now he knew he was safe. The subtle waves of his brother’s comfort washed over him in a cool, refreshing tide. Fear and panic drained from his mind, leaving nothing but peaceful exhaustion. With a deep sigh, every ounce of adrenaline left him.

Quickly following his sigh, he all of a sudden felt the sensation of his brother’s arms wrapped around him, along with the coarse texture of grout and tiles scratching into his knees.

How did I get on the floor??..

Oh- right- Hyperventilation leads to low oxygen levels.. which leads to dizziness..

which leads to f- faaaain-

..I don’t feel so good…

“DUDE WHAT DID I JUST SAY!??! BREATHE GOSH DANG IT!!!!”

Ahhh my loving brother. So gentle. So polite.

“DON- Dude- DON’T MAKE ME SMACK YOU.”

Well that would be rude.

“I’M GIVIN YA TO THE COUNT OF THREE.”

..Why are we counting?

“ONE.”

Wait- what did he say again?

“TWO.”

Oh- he wants me to take a breath so my oxygen levels will return to normal leading to-

Don’s thought was literally smacked out of his head.

“H-heyyy!” Don coughed, after taking a big gasp after the blow, “Ow.”

“WELL- Ya wouldn’t BREATHE. I PANICKED.”

Raph’s smack wasn’t even that hard compared to those he’d given during one of their thousands of arguments. It was quite successful in clearing Don’s head..

Still though- ow.

And that's it for this chapter! :)

WE MADE IT GUYS!!! WE'RE OFFICIALLY IN BOOK TWO!!!!!! :) WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I have SO MANY PLANS for this book guys- I have a timeline, notes in my phone, in my notebook, AND on my computer!!!! THIS IS GONNA BE FUNNN~

I know my last book ended on a cliffhanger with the flashback, and TRUST ME- WE WILL CONTINUE WITH THAT- But first, I wanted to slowly bring you all back to the current story, where it's a bit more... calm, before I explain what happened to Don, Lotus, and Raph. Just take this little breath..

..cause you're gonna need it.

Anyways, hope you enjoy!! If you liked it, please feel free to reblog this!

To God be the glory!

~ Melissa

MASTERPOST <- PRIOR CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER ->

#tmnt #my version of tmnt!! #the strength in weakness #SIW Raph #SIW Lotus #SIW Don #tw panic attack #tw trauma #tw passing out #Book Two of SIW #LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOO #SO.MANY.PLANS. #I've missed writing SO MUCH #I'M BACK BABY AHAHHHAHAHA #On today's adventures of Turtle Trauma...

[corvidae-00]

if your comfortable writing this, can i request joost with a reader who sh? he accidentally finds out by their sleeve accidentally sliding down or something (im on the brink of relapsing and i need angst with comfort 😭😭 not forcing tho lol, if ur uncomfortable writing this don't force yourself!!!)

A/n: I’m totally okay doing this! As someone who has fought this battle I totally get it and I hope you are okay Anon!! You have people who love you and you are so special in your own ways! Beautiful inside and out 🫶 I hope this helps and know you are never alone!! My DMs are always open honey

CW: SH, angst, sensitive topics, Joost being a sweetheart,

YOU ARE LOVED!! be safe everyone!

988 (suicide prevention)

It had been a pretty hot day in the Netherlands and your boyfriend Joost was set on taking you on a hike! Which would have been totally okay if you hadn’t just gone through a relapse… you don’t even know why it happened or what set you off, you cleaned them pretty well but they were still tender and you knew you couldn’t convince Joost to cancel the hike that he was so dead set on.

“Long sleeves, eh?” He blinks at you in suprise his owlish expression kinda funny “yeah! It’s a cute shirt!” You blow him off waving your hand dismissively and your boyfriend nods with a shrug “it is cute you got me there” he pinches your cheek before leaning down and giving you a big ol kiss on the cheek before peppering your face with them. The sunshine that your boyfriend is always makes you feel so free and warm. “Let’s go!! I want to get there before it gets packed!” He chirps taking your hand and pulling you out to the car after making sure you had enough water and packed the sun screen

After hiking for a few hours you and Joost found the most beautiful ledge looking over a beautiful river covered with pine trees and mountains as far as the eyes can see. “Wow” you mutter wiping your brow and fanning the neck of your shirt “that’s breathtaking” you mutter and Joost chuckles looking over at you “it is isn’t it? But the view infront of me is even better” he purrs and you look over at him blushing madly “don’t even with me” you laugh covering your face with your hands leading to Joost wrapping his arms around you in a big hug “let’s take a selfie!” He says tugging his phone out of his pocket “say cheese schat!” He puts the phone out in front of you two

As the sun gets closer and closer to setting the more you forget about your arms to busy listening to Joost tell you about random things he knows about the wilderness or just random facts he finds interesting. Without thinking you tug your sleeves up to your elbows to help the air circulate through your clothes and cool you off. Joost looks back at you mid laugh at a dumb thing he had brought to your attention about ducks “and then I learned that buffalo!-“ he stops taking a quick glance down at your revealed arms and pauses- and then you watch his face go through a few different emotions- landing on devastation “schat…” he mutters stepping towards you like you might run. Realizing your fatal mistake you can sense the color draining from your features

“Joost I-“ you try to come up with excuses or reasons but you come up empty “I’m-“ you stop feeling your boyfriend slowly pull you into his chest and wrap his arms delicately around you “why would you feel the need to hurt…” he questions searching for the words through his broken English “I don’t know…” you respond honestly not trying to move your arms or run away- just leaning into Joost like a life line “I’m so sorry-“ you start but joost shushes you softly shaking his head “don’t be sorry, you aren’t in trouble and you have nothing to be sorry for” joost says pulling away and gently bringing your arms up to his face kissing around the sounds careful not to irritate them or cause you pain “come to me next time my love” Joost mutters gently looking up at you “please allow me to help you” he pleads and you nod starting to tear up “okay..” you whisper and Joost straightens up and kisses you passionately “I love you with everything I am. I love you for any amount of time your head can come up with and more.” He confesses “and even more than that” he runs his fingers through your hair “I love you” he wipes away your tears and holds you close

When you two got home Joost had pulled you into bed and kissed you more times than you could count praising you and rubbing your back “you are beautiful. So beautiful” joost says softly between the two of you “beautiful”

A/N I hope you all know how loved you ALL are!!! I may not know everyone but I love everyone and no matter how hard your battle is never give up! You are all so strong!

Sorry if this seemed rushed or wasn’t that good…I’m on my phone and at work 😂 but I saw this request and knew I needed to get it out!!

I love you all!!!!!!

#joost klein #x reader #joost klein x reader #joost klein fanfic #joost klein x you #joostice #joost klein fluff #joost klein x f! reader

[romsabombs]

GUYS the new malevolent is insane so i just thought i'd drop my notes in here✍️ ENJOY it's a lot

freaky ahh cavern

😦😦😦

SHUT UP!!!!!!!!

the man is bathed in darkness👹 john thats racist

mf literally been crucified this is so arthurs religious trauma

that is not what bones sound like i think

shes so me awful posture

me at 4am in the kitchen looking for a snack

WAIT oh yuck :/

HAHA THEY'RE IN HIS NOSTRILS

PRINCE MENTIONED

car accident thats so season 1

this is kind of like a hat in time maybe

omgg a witch :3

arthur survives the wildest shit but i think a mcdonalds sprite would kill him

AAAHHH WHAT THE FUCK!!!!😨😨 YUCK YUCK EW EW RAAAHHH

WHAAAAAT

cant we only do allat to corpses

omg spit it out john

YEAAHHHH HES DEAD

🤭🤭🤭YIPPEE I KNEW IT

omggg thats so janey :33

hes bein puppeted by the maggots thats crazy

STOP TELLING HIM TO KILL THINGS HAHA

omgg kaynes dagger <33

how can this mf be helpful

this is so tmp a bit

rotten flesh mentioned minecraft ref

HAHA WHAAT THATS SO GROSS

the maggots be like i have your fucking eyes👹👹👹👹

OMG WHAT THE HELL zombie arc

claustrophobia again

imagine harlan recording this

omg that's so sexy 🔥🔥 decapitated his ass

HAHA WE'RE ONLY 11 MINUTES IN??

LMAO john stop saying things

YES JOHN it WOULD have been helpful to know this guy didnt have any eyes

"this isnt new york anymore" thank god amiright

his head between our legs🤨

its so funny how he calls it a pinky. didnt someone on tumblr say john wouldnt know finger names

im surprised arthur still has a shirt

the flesh feels stiff😟

this guy is still alive😦 or. dead. i guess

arthur is like weirdly normal about this guy being a zombie. i know hes seen shit (no he hasnt) but come on

faroes song ☹️

YEAHH PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTHH💪

oh what😐 the prince🙄

what did he sayy

oh gross come on guys😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 at this point just put it in your own mouth

"id like to think this is the most insane thing we've ever done" 💀

teehee they dont wanna seperate :3

YEAH! AND FAROE

"everyone we've ever loved" weak. also john doesnt care about anyone but you

"we cant afford to not use every resource anymore" HAHA this is so funny because didnt you throw away everything youve ever owned last episode

yippee welcome back vanguard :3

nothing😟 WAIT YIPPEE :3

WELCOME BACK VANGUARD‼️☝️

omg names mentioned

wait. yorick? llorick? thats the thing arthur said

its not lorick that was the guy from the dreamlands

WOAH WAIT WOAH HUH

hey what the fuck did that mean😀

omg what. rumpelstiltskin

HAHA hes so loser

OMG wait they said stanzyck right

ofcourse anna is dead bruh we were never gonna meet her

arthur and john both being "kings"😟

this tooth is so silly🥰

everyones walking over arthur today💀

they're so miscommunication <3

hey😀 hey whats that sound

DONT SAY IT ugh the prince

"ahh yes :3"

OH😨😨😨😨 A WHAT

SHUT UP🗣️👹 HAHA THATS SO SILLY

this guy is so kayne. and a bit autistic

wait r we just carrying around this skull

bro arthur sounds so tired

ooo this would go hard as a cosplay

i cant believe he has a belt

EUGH YUCK😦

ooo the black stone perchance?

ok i guess not

omg god forbid a girl has hobbies🙄

"im not saying its not risky. what im saying is, it might be worth the risk" that line goes hard

arthur agreeing to this is like a dad saying "okay fine we'll go to mcdonalds🙄"

no reward without risk✊💥

"we're in the lion's den already" "it is a hag's womb👹" HEHEHE

HAHA SILLIES HEHEHEEHE🤭🥰

oooohh johnn 😶‍🌫️

OH 😦 ohhh 😀 u have his memories

clever girl

"thanks yorick😐" "you too my king🤗" "shut up🙄👹"

yorick is so me absolutely no sense of social cues

ofcourse we'd encounter a witch here it was so obvious

"try to keep straight" pff

did john say im serving

hey yeah maybe dont go towards the light😀

LMAO LOOK AROUND? foul

when is the jumpscare happening

i have no idea what he's saying

"too much to make out" MAKE OUT?🤭

LMAO he doesnt know

pregnant meat☹️⁉️

hey i thought asking the vanguard questions would have a price🤨😀

imagine if he just crushed that zombies skull like its a good thing we just decapitated him

hes literally describing my room

you're my eyes☹️

they're acting as if the lighter would give us much light

omgg shes a little interior decorator

tapestry lore!!💪

five minutes left whats gonna happen

wuh ohhh somethings gonna happen

THE STAIRS ARE GONE!!!😬

ur literally in her home leave her alone

his ass is panicking

this is so part 18 the madness

we're trapped :( :(

"ingenious decision king🤓" "SHUT UP👹"

SPRINT!!!!!! 🏃🏃🏃🏃

OH???? 😦😦😦😦 WHAT

IMPALED???M???MNFJREJSJ HUHH

--

omggg he got marcy'd

i saw fanart of this but i lowkey couldnt tell if it was a spoiler or not💀

hot take but if he got bitten by that zombie he could prolly survive this

HUHHH bro this is like part 27 the roots. he was less dramatic about it this time tho

bro yorick finally shut up💀

sooo where did he get impaled. like if in the heart hes cooked😬

#raaahhhhh #i had SO many thoughts #unreal #malevolent #malevolent podcast #arthur lester #john doe #john doe malevolent #yorick #yorick malevolent #malevolent part 42

[is-this-yuri]

I’m really, really sorry to have to tell you this, but you will not get SSDI in a matter of months. Not only is that incredibly rare and only for the extreme cases, but the SSA is backed up to Hell because of covid.

I applied BEFORE COVID and my case is still in limbo. I’m on my third appeal. It will have been 5 years since I applied come this August. I have not worked a single day and my permanent condition has worsened and they are still giving me the runaround.

I’m not trying to scare you or discourage you—absolutely apply, but do it with a disability attorney this time. They work on contingency only, and will only take money from the backpay the government will give you once you’re approved (backdated to the date of application). They are probably the only people who can navigate the purposefully-confusing forms and deadlines and expectations and I have never heard of a case being approved without an attorney attached.

In the meantime… buckle up. Make contingency plans. Be prepared for this to be years of brutal survival before you make it out to the other side.

I wish you the best of luck. Hang in there. It is just going to be a longer period than you initially expected 🧡

i'm at a similar timeframe as you, and i think the main issue has been the lack of medical records since i've been going into the process completely without those. apparently the SSA wants to know ive been in treatment with no improvements for at least a year, and if i can prove that i'll be much more likely to get approved.

i also have a case manager helping me with the paperwork side of it, and we're discussing getting a lawyer for me. i'm going to really need all the backpay i can get, so that's going to be a last resort.

of course i'm trying to be hopeful and generous with my estimates because while im confident i will eventually get approved, i'm genuinely worried the wait will kill me. so, maybe i live in a bit of a fantasy to keep me going. that said, i don't think it's that unrealistic to think this could be the one

my only contingency is hoping people are generous enough to support me while i wait, because i truly have no other options.

#asks #ive literally been on the crisis hotlines three times today #cant stop crying every couple hours #probably had a lengthy panic attack #so yeah i know this and im trying not to think about it

[gobstoppr]

Tetris Fanart.

I've been playing tetris while listening to horror podcasts. and yeah

#text #art #eyestrain #cw eystrain #bright colors #cw bright colors #tetris #nintendo #god i dont know what to tag this with. i dont wanna tag it with the podcasts themselves cuz that feels disingenuous. swagever #i actually started this piece a while ago. ok yeah looking at the date that was almost 3 weeks ago wow #but i finally decided to bring it back and finish it #ive been getting back into digital art and its been really nice. its nice having finished pieces. #ive been trying to get weirder with my art. like this piece was weirdly 'personal' in a sense #its been my unique experience listening to these pieces of media. the game in the bg is jsut as important to my experience as the art itsel #the looming sense of dread these podcasts give fit weirdly well with the high tension of some of these games of tetris #i wanted to have that sorta weird ominous vibe to it. have even the pieces feel loud and threatening. #and the gameplay being Past the ds itself is something i thought could be neat #ykno the tetris effect? where you play a bunch and then after you see the shapes everywhere;you play it in your mind? #that was part of what i wanted to channel there. but also like; how your attention works with this stuff #i might be looking straight at the ds but my attention is elsewhere; my brain is in another world #the game is still inescapable tho. tetris effect whatever. these stories stick in my brain just as much. #its all given me some. very very annoyingn anxiety. but i have to go back to them. like a moth to a flame etc. hince the moth climbing out #but uh yeah. that set up was my life for a few weeks whenever i had free time. #the main podcast this is about was magnus btw <- not typing full name so im not on the tag #and uh. #objectum #yeah i think. i think yeah.