#so like. get the fuck out of here with your yay trump shit

[chaoticeddie]

feeling legit sick to my stomach

#security guard just came into the office all excited about whoever the other republican primary option was dropping out of the race #opening the republican candidate to just 'president trump' #and like. I knew this guy would be a trump supporter #he's a cop #but I usually don't have to hear about it #I sit in the office at my computer and he sits at the front desk #I guess I needed the reminder but god #read the fucking room man #you're saying that to someone that is VISIBLY a lesbian #I have been told that it's quite obvious #so like. get the fuck out of here with your yay trump shit #so. good reminder i guess. just hate to hear it explicitly said

[hils79]

Hils Watches The King's Avatar - Ep 31

LOL one speech from Ye Xiu and all his antis now love him. If only it worked like that in real life

A good message that if you only play the way the fans like you won't win

Oh they are going to regret that when they realise that actually their idol is a total gremlin

Even Ye Xiu knows that is not going to go down well. He knows what a little shit he is

Okay I know it makes sense to jump ahead in time given that there's only 10 eps left but we could at least have had a little montage of them winning their other games

The sheer balls on this dude to suggest their teams 'merge' by which he means they get all the good Team Happy players and Team Happy gets...nothing? Yeah, no.

Oh fuck off

Of course Ye Xiu is listening. I hope he puts this dude in his place. Or, even better, I hope Chen Guo does

Yessssss

Aww yay they've got fans now!

Baozi don't walk towards the poisonous fog!

DON'T TOUCH IT!

Ooh is the other team cheating? Are they going to report it even though it would benefit them if Team Happy loses? Good sportsmanship trumps team rivalries!

Oh they've got someone feeding them the other team's positions! The dirty cheating bastards!

Oh come on there's cheating and then there's pulling out cables so you don't lose. Surely they didn't think they'd actually get away with this.

Okay, 1. Any network engineer including me who is not a network engineer can tell when a cable has been deliberately pulled out. 2. Why the hell isn't the network room monitored? 3. A 10 second rewind in the even of a technical problem is a bullshit rule

I'm pretty sure you have more than one option but okay

This absolutely does not condone their cheating but what kind of bullshit is 'if you don't win this one game against the tied best team in the league we're pulling your funding'. It makes no sense!

Actually I kind of think he does

IS HE GOING TO INVITE THE CHEATER TO JOIN HIS TEAM? Look, I get that he was desperate and that his team was going to be forced to disband if they didn't win but cool motive still murder

This dude: here is a list of all my flaws Ye Xiu: already mentally filling in the adoption forms

#hils watches #hils watches the king's avatar #hils watches cdramas #the king's avatar #cdrama

[frogs-in3-hills]

aa5-4 thoughts

WHAT HTE FUCK. WHSTT ETHE FUCK.

this case is doing irreparable damage to my soul like actually what the fuck just happened. what is going on. we literally just systematically proved athena’s guilt and it actually gets WORSE because there was no way for apollo to know about this lighter but he was suspicious of athena anyway, from the beginning, which means there’s STILL other evidence pointing to her, conclusive enough for apollo to start seriously suspecting somebody so close to him (though to be fair maybe he’s a bit easier to convince considering how fast he turned on kristoph in turnabout trump)

like holy shit i’m…… really invested in this lol, the space center is a great setting and the miracle space launch seven years ago is really interesting and well executed. and the way it ties into the theme of trauma is just….. ouugh it’s chefs kiss. the mystery itself has been really fun to pick apart so far as well. aura blackquill is……. kind of an obvious culprit….. like she literally has her own special evil theme and some very unsubtle ‘kick the dog’ moments, as well as a clear connection to whatever happened w/ blackquill’s conviction, but an obvious culprit isn’t always a bad thing if done right. also psychelocks came back yay :]

and there are so many characters to have conflicting feelings about — starbuck who is likable and obviously innocent but there’s definitely something up with the incident seven years ago, yuri cosmos who is kind of a piece of shit but he was really trying to do the right thing by switching the launch pads, blackquill and athena and apollo HOW DO I EVEN START WITH THEM……… the urge to trust blackquill because he knows more about this than we do and what is a good AA prosecutor for if we can’t trust them, but fulbright’s worries casting doubts on him………. athena with the evidence stacked against her and only difficult decisions ahead for how we can prove her innocence….. and apollo who HAS to be in the wrong but he’s acting out of anger and grief and betrayal because he’s been let down over and over again by the people he trusts and now it’s happened again in the one place he actually felt safe………………. fuuuuuck dude. just. fuck.

i really hope they stick the landing with this final case because they’re promising a LOT here…. without shu takumi’s writing and judging off the disappointing flop that was turnabout succession (i’m sorry apollo but your game wasn’t that good ToT) i’m a liiitttle nervous. but i’m just gonna try to turn my critique brain off and enjoy this last case and keep optimistic

#aa5 liveblogging #sully is typing #aa5 spoilers #dual destinies spoilers #aa4 spoilers #ace attorney spoilers #ik nobody is reading these but i NEED to ramble my thoughts somewhere and isn’t that what a tumblr blog is for #edit: i love going back and reading these because sometimes i was just so confidently incorrect #aa

[deliciouspirateangel]

Finished season 5 of PLL so I have to ramble

it felt like it took us about ten years to get thru this season. some of those eps were dragging and i think i zoned out more during this season than any other

i knew mona was still alive so that twist didn’t get me but it was still a lot of fun to see it play out

SPEAKING of mona. how on god’s green earth can you be on trial for murder when they NEVER FOUND A BODY??? also how are they going to arrest the other girls as accomplices when they weren’t even the ones on trial??? like as soon as they decide ali is a killer they have grounds to immediately send the other girls to prison??? ok

but the absolute stupidest moment this season. was all four girls signing up for a blood drive. to willingly have blood taken out of their bodies and put in lil vials where anyone could snatch it up and use it to fake dna evidence. and you’ll never guess what happened??? like yeah sometimes they make dumb decisions and you’re like “well it wasn’t the best choice but they dont have all the information” or “well they’re like 16 sometimes you do dumb things” but MY GOD this was the idiot moment to trump all idiot moments. this was just downright stewpid. it was five seconds into the episode and we had to pause so i could rant about how idiotic it was aksljfsldfs. especially bc hanna and caleb KNEW there were ziploc bags full of bloody clothes that were evidence for mona’s “murder” and ???? she still gave blood???? maybe she deserved to get arrested alksfjdklsfjdlsfjsdk

but anyway speaking of hanna and caleb they really are like That Ship like they were so fucking ride or die for each other turned up to 11 this season. caleb was like “if you get arrested then im getting arrested too idgaf” and in the dollhouse hanna tells A “if i see caleb in here i will Kill You” like holy shit i love the devotion, i love them so so much

toby was... a cop. he started out with good intentions and the whole “this town is full of crooked cops so you could at least have a crooked cop thats on your side” was sooo true bestie but he kind of got lost in the sauce after that oops. he started to come around and wise up so hopefully he gets better

the relationships this season had me tearing my hair out. paige gets put on a bus which, yay, get out of here. and then two seconds later a grown woman is trying to get with emily. and the second spoby is on the rocks there’s some weirdo living in spencer’s barn that’s trying to get with her. and im still not sure what his age is but that receding hairline they tried to disguise with his stringy bangs tells me he’s too old for her. oh and adam from glee i almost forgot him. and aria doesnt have any time away from ezra before she’s hitting up her tutor. at least he’s her age. but goddamn these girls cannot take a single breath without being involved in ten  different kinds of relationship drama at the same time. its exhausting. it would not kill them to be single for one damn episode

speaking of disgusting age gap relationships. we had to pause the show again just so i could scream about ezria for about the 9184930th time. bc. ezra is mad at caleb over mike, talking about how mike’s just a kid and if he makes the wrong decision then it could fuck up the rest of his life and he’s way too young to do that. mike is sixteen. so ezra views a sixteen year old boy as a kid but a sixteen year old girl is a viable romantic option? ok... ezra deserved to have his dick chopped off, his skin flayed, and be thrown in a vat of acid. minimum. it’s the least he deserves aklsjfskldf

anyway big picture i liked a lot of aspects of the mystery unfolding?? but as a whole this season felt sooo draggy like hurry it up already. the finale was fun and im actually looking forward to starting the next season. two left, we’re sooo close to the end!!!

spencer, caleb, and hanna are still my faves, in that order. toby fell off a little but i still like him. emily is okay it’s just her relationships that are rotted. and aria’s relationships are rotted but i also just dont like her as a person. i dont trust ali and quite frankly i dont believe a damn thing she says ever. mona is a queen and im so glad she’s back. literally everyone over the age of 20 on this show can fuck off and die bc they’re all nasty lmao. thats my thoughts on all the characters <3

#pretty little liars #pll #my thoughts #angel watches stuff #angel watches pretty little liars

[austinpanda]

26 June, 2022

26 June, 2022

Dear Dad--

I think I forgot to write a letter last week. Just spaced on it entirely! In my defense, my country is doing a space shuttle Challenger right now, and the Supreme Court just said we’re go at throttle up. I wrote a long Facebook post last night (well, long for a Facebook post) about it, and spent about an hour getting the wording right. If you’re going to call republicans a bunch of shite cunts, which they are, you really should be specific as to why. Everything about this is terrible, from the way Obama’s Supreme Court pick got fucked, to the way Trump got to pick three, how each of the three said Roe was settled law during confirmation, how all three simply lied. They’re Supreme Court justices, and all they had to do to get there, and do this, was to lie. How do you fight corruption when you refuse to use it to achieve your ends, but your opponent doesn’t?

And the Supreme Court just gutted a New York law about gun carrying. To summarize, cities and states can’t ban citizens from carrying guns in public. The number of guns worn by “good guys” in America is about to increase. I suppose republicans believe this will lead to greater safety. This is right after Uvalde, where the “good guys” with guns spent an hour not using them, for fear of being shot by the “bad guy” with his gun, to the great misfortune of all the “murdered children,” and two of their teachers. 

So I suppose it’ll behoove me to keep this week’s letter to you short. I know we disagree on some of this, especially the guns. You stuff loaded handguns into your fucking sofa cusions until they’re covered with dog hair, and you do this…for greater SAFETY. Dad, against whom do you imagine yourself using your gun? Because, and this is my problem, I’m willing to bet every dollar I have, and everything else I own, that it’s a black guy. 

After that, like, what else is there to talk about? Oh, here’s one thing I’m thinking of: Justice Clarence Thomas said that as long as they’re overturning Roe, they might as well reexamine cases that allowed gay marriage. Your political party doesn’t think I should love my husband, much less be married to him. Your political party may take my wedding ring, Dad. 

Already, two of Stacy’s best friends, a couple of amazingly sweet, hard working, talented, loving people are having to leave the state because of the state’s ever-increasing hostility towards trans people. Texas’ republican party just made part of its official platform the strong desire to overturn Obergefell, ignore any federal laws about gay marriage that they choose, imprison anyone who would help trans people be trans, and allow adoption only to single or married heterosexuals. Your political party is making Stacy’s friends go away, Dad. It already made your son leave the state. Well, that, and the repulsive amount of heat, and how it gets noticeably worse year after year after year. Perhaps we can ameliorate climate change by shooting guns at it. 

It just occurred to me, the states that ban abortion may include an exception for abortions that are needed only to save the life of the mother, but they don’t have to! Do we feel secure in the belief that no state is going to ban it entirely, regardless of circumstances? I sure as shit don’t. Your political party is going to kill the SHIT out of lots and lots of women, Dad. And I know you like women, because you fucked so very many of them whilst married to Mom.

Anyway, how ‘bout that sports event, huh? Yay sports team!

Today is the day when the magical thing happens! I have to admit, current events are rather dulling the sheen of excitement around my fucking magical thing, but it’s happening anyway. We got our relief checks from the state government! Because we’re in a blue state, abortions will remain available, and the government will occasionally give extra refunds to taxpayers in the state when there’s a surplus. Zach and I each got checks for $850. (If that sounds great, just know that $800 of it will be eaten by bills.) We agreed that we’d set aside enough money to go to Texas Roadhouse, so Zach could get a big steak--he wants whatever’s the biggest one they have--and I can get a chicken fried steak, and we can share one of those fried onion blossoms, and shit, I just realized, it’s Texas themed. I don’t care a whit about the general quality of their food, or the stupid Southern ambiance. I just hope, I REALLY, REALLY HOPE, that the food we get exceeds expectations, because, to quote Full Metal Jacket, “This is the only pussy you people are going to get.” 

But we’re going at a time when they’re typically slow, so there shouldn’t be a wait, and I hear they give you unlimited free rolls that are particularly magical in some way. 

Just thought of something else: You like the jazz band Pat Metheny Group, right? So, if I was someone in the Pat Metheny Group, I could honestly describe you by saying, “He’s the one, he likes all our pretty songs, and he likes to sing along, and he likes to shoot his gun, but he don’t know what it means, don’t know what it means.”

I should probably end this letter because it’s just turning into a long-winded Up Yours card. I’m not mad at you for what the Supreme Court did. I’m mad at you for putting them in power. If I were on the republican side of things, I’d have to say, this is a success that dwarfs our wildest expectations, that it was the best day this country’s seen since the peaceful protests of January 6th. 

Ugh, Imma go now. Try to be loving for the next seven days.

[simpsiren]

to have and have not.

lee taeyong x reader

“losing me is better than losing you.” - losing you, wonho

main masterlist

description. being close friends with the leader of one of the biggest korean gangs in the underworld wasnt already tough, a big situation falls into your laps that only makes your bond with him even stronger, and maybe perhaps having love to bloom in the process.

genre. mafia au, fwb to lovers au,

warnings. none except for a lot of shooting cudndn

word count. 6,733

a/n. here's a taeyong x reader ff i came up with. its not much but i still hope youll enjoy it :D

lee taeyong. most people, or rather regular people would have a shiver sent down their spine if they heard this name, even if they didnt know how the man looked like. taeyong was, and still currently is very well known in the underworld, but above it as well. he's a well known gang leader amongst all the other gangs that work under one man, mr david chong. basically the mafia boss trumping above all gangs. the police have never been able to catch him, no matter how hard they tried. the policemen would either get shot and killed one by one due to his great ability of using a mere pistol, or would just be killed by taeyong's gang members before taeyong would even appear in their sight. all in all, lee taeyong was a scary man in many ways. not to you though. you found him interesting.

when you were caught hostage by one of the gangs along with one other women you didnt know, and you have the great lee taeyong to get you out of there and have you work under him for debt in a way, you did owe him a lot when a bullet was mere seconds awayfrom going through your brain. you found out that the women who know work under taeyong as well is named val. now, you didnt have much work to do honestly, you would be lounging around in the arcade basement most of the time. you were only told to do small tasks that wasnt that horrifying in any way.

"im dying of boredom!" you whined as you sat up from the very comfortable velvrt couch and faced yuta, who was off duty for tonight. "doesnt boss have anything he needs me to do? i wonder why he even took me in" you folded your arms and rolled your eyes as you let your body slouch and sink into couch. "no one is doing anything right now M. the boss is trying to plan something big from what i hear." yuta shrugged as he took a sip of his vodka. all the members in the gang call you either mal or m, it was a shortened version of your long second name malvisko and you liked being called mal. "yeah well fuck that. im gonna go sleep." you stood up from the couch and waved a small goodbye to yuta before exiting the arcade basement to head to your bedroom, or not.

you tip toed across the halls, making sure no one sees the fact that youre slowly making your way to the boss's office. you arrived at the door without being seem by anyone and right before you were about to open the door, you see jaehyun, taeyong’s right hand man. you looked up to meet his gaze. “you’re here to see mr lee?” you nodded slowly, intimidated by how cold he looks, but no one can beat the gaze of taeyong. “he’s currently feeling stress. try to calm him down a little.” he pats your shoulder before walking past you and disappearing into the hallway. the only person who knows your true relationship with taeyong was jaehyun, and you consider him to be a friend more than a colleague.

you stepped into the room and closed the door behind you. you see taeyong behind his desk with his laptop. he wore his wearing casual attire, which was a hoodie and sweatpants, along with his glasses. you see papers scattered across the table. you slowly walked up to stand beside taeyong. “hey, tae. how’s work going for you?” you placed your hand underneath taeyong’s chin and kisses his cheek lightly. taeyong sighed and took off his glasses and rubbed his temples. “almost all gangs are now working under bishop. what’s worse is that he’s working for that idiot david chong.”

you placed both your hands on his shoulders and massaged them gently as you bit your lip, not entirely sure of what to say. “that sounds pressurising.” you whispered. taeyong scoffed in response. “im going to take revenge on them for killing my brother. he wasnt even involved in this shitshow. ill figure something out.”

you knew about taeyong’s past. you knew that he has worked under mr david chong since he was little but decided rebel, leaving to start his own gang. but now, mr david chong wants him back and will do anything to do so. taeyong is a “precious specimen” as what mr david chong kept calling him. a man who was extremely smart and living in a monstrous world, he did everything he could to survive. it only made his instincts so much stronger. taeyong was like a wild beast in a wild forest, not many were able beat him. you felt honourable for the fact that taeyong lets you know his past. the other members know about it as well, but not as much as you did.

“rest tonight, tae. i want you to sleep.” you leaned forward from behind and whispered into his ear, gently planting light kisses down his neck. taeyong sighed once more and pulled your hand from your shoulder and turned his chair to face you. taeyong pulls you to sit on his lap. “now’s not the time to be doing stuff like that. im sure you know that well.” taeyong glares at you with his piercingly dangerous eyes. you giggled softly, resting your hands on his chest. "i was just advising you to rest, nothing more." you winked teasingly. taeyong scoffed in response and made you stand up. he walked past you and towards the bed, falling onto it almost instantly. you followed suit and sat beside him at the edge of the bed. "youre right. i have a ton of things to do tomorrow." taeyong covers his eyes with his forearm. "im having jaehyun guard you while im away too. its getting dangerous with a whole army of high ranked psychos coming for me. theyll definitely go for those i most treasure before capturing me."

you took a deep breath. "be careful alright? come back to me safe." taeyong chuckled, shaking his head as he sat up straight, going close to you and pecking your lips. "cant exactly do that without having either a bullet in me or a broken rib, but ill come back alive." taeyong wraps his arm around you and pulls you in for a quick kiss before pulling away. "now go. i dont want my men suspecting anything." you nodded and stood up and walked to the door. before you walked through the door, you went back to taeyong to give one last kiss before leaving him for the night.

you were walking down the dimly lit when you suddenly bumped into someone. you looked up to notice it was jeno. one of the younger guys in the gang. "what were you doing boss's office?" jeno asked innocently. you licked your lips nervously, trying to quickly think up an answer. "its fine. i know what you are to him." jeno folded his arms as he smirked widely in a teasing manner. you quickly looked around, making sure you and him were alone. "no one is to hear that you know. im just his friend.. with benefits." you whispered to jeno. jeno giggled. "sure mal. anything you say." he mocked you. "shut it. if taeyong knows that you know he'll probably threaten you to keeo quiet. its good enough that im already warning you." you rolled your eyes and before you were about to make a turn towards another hallway, you look at jeno's way and pressed your index finger to your lip.

you headed to your room and slept as perusual. lucky for you, nothing happened to you that night. taeyong is always scaring you by saying that anyone can kidnap you in the middle of the night, at any time. but god knows taeyong would never let that happen. when you wake up in your large bedroom in your large bed, you looked towards the coffee table to see jaehyun sitting on the comfortable chair, drinking coffee and using his phone. you signalled jaehyun by coughing, making him look your way immediately. "good morning, miss." you sat up from your bed and yawned, turning your head to the full body mirror beside your bed and seeing how terrible you looked. you slipped out of your soft white mattress and grabbed the silk robe, wearing it on before walking over to the coffee table.

“i told you. you didn’t have to call me miss. im your colleague for shit.” you said as you took a seat across jaehyun. he placed the cup of coffee he had in his hand on the table. “sorry, mal. im just used to calling you miss since you have a strong relationship with taeyong.” jaehyun doesn’t look up at you as he quickly glanced his eyes over the words on the newspaper. “jeez im telling you. we’re just friends with benefit. nothing more.” you huffed and folded your arms, slouching into the seat. “by the way, apparently jeno knows about me and taeyong. just keep an eye on him.” you grabbed the cup of tea that was on the table and took a sip. “the gang will be in an uproar if word gets around” you whispered, staring down at your drink. “i will.” jaehyun simply said.

you carried on with your day. most of the gang members are out today. probably because of the big plan that taeyong is doing. he probably also has some gang members to follow him. jaehyun would be with taeyong most of the time but he needed to take care of you since taeyong trusts him with you the most. you could understand. they had a long history together.

“can we please go grocery shopping and cook homemade food? im tired of buying take out.” you whined as you stabbed the fork into the friend chicken that you ordered from kfc. jaehyun took a sip of coca cola and hummed. “im not sure if its safe mal. taeyong wouldn’t want you to be wondering around in public.” you pursed your lips. “but i have you to protect me.” you pouted at jaehyun. he raised his eyebrow in disgust and sighed. “ill call taeyong and ask him.” you shouted a loud yay which made jaehyun flinch back, using his finger to cover his ear as he rolled his eyes and took out his phone to call taeyong. you were trying to hear his conversation with taeyong at the other end of the line by placing your ear close to jaehyun’s phone. you smiled as jaehyun ended the call. “alright. get ready to go. ill wait outside the room.”

you nodded happily as closed the door when jaehyun walked out, skipping your way towards your wardrobe and picking out a simple outfit to go to the supermarket. you made sure you hair looked neat and grabbed your purse and walked out to meet jaehyun. jaehyun leads you out of the hideout and gestured you to get into the car. taeyong normally rode this car but for some reason he chose to take another one to run his errands. you waited as jaehyun gets into the driver’s seat and starts driving to the nearest supermarket.

you two arrived at the supermarket. you realised that it wasnt at all crowded since it was practically 3am in the morning. you only see a few high school students around buying a snack and headed out in a flash. jaehyun helped with pushing the trolley while you picked out ingredients to make jjajangmyeon. you figured that it would be best to make a big batch so that the rest could be saved as leftovers for the other members when they come back in the morning for breakfast. jaehyun kindly offered to pay and the both of you headed out of the supermarket, with jaehyun carrying the groceries.

“thanks for taking me out. its nice to take in some fresh air instead of being couped up in the hideout." you turned towards jaehyun to give him a bright smile but later noticed that jaehyun was looking around suspiciously, his eyes scanning around his surroundings as if the scanner in his mind has detected danger somewhere near you two. you kept quiet for moment, getting scared and you slowly got close to jaehyun. "get down!" jaehyun screamed at you, dropping the groceries and he wrapped his arm around you and drags you to hide behind the car when suddenly a bullet was fired to your direction. you froze, tilting your head up to see jaehyun quickly pulling out his gun from his back pocket, arms streched out to the ground, ready to shoot any second. "its a fucking sniper." jaehyun whispered to you as he looked up towards the buuildings oposite the car, trying to find which building the sniper was stationed at. you didnt know what to do, you were afraid, scared, many feelings were flowing through you. all you could do was look down at the ground, and trust jaehyun with whatever he was doing.

"we're going to get in the car and im going to drive us out of here before the sniper can take another hit, got it? just get into the car as quick as possible and duck down. make sure that he wont be able to see you through the window." you nodded as you quickly processed jaehyun's instructions. "on my signal." jaehyun had his eyes glued on the tall buildings, it was late at night so you could barely see anything, you could never imagine how jaehyun was even able to spot the sniper.

"now!" you immdiately opened the door and got inside the car, closing the door and ducking your body down so as to not be see through the winodw. jaehyun hopped into the driver's seat in a flash and started up the car. you were panting nervously as you felt the car moving at high speed. you heard another bullet being shot at the back of the car. you whinced as you tilted your head up to see jaehyun with his phone beside him, his phone being placed on speaker mode as he called taeyong. "something happened. a sniper tried to shot mal. im heading back to the hideout now." jaehyun said. you heard taeyong shouting a loud 'fuck' before hanging up the call. jaehyun kept silent as he drove you back to the hideout in full speed. in less than 10 minutes, the car was put to a stop. you hugged your purse and you started slowly sitting back up. you looked at jaehyun, who's head and eyes were scanning the area again. jaehyun got out the car and walked to your door, opening it and signaled you to get out, you continues hugging you purse to your chest tightly as you quickly ran towards the hideout and got inside, with jaehyun following you behind.

you took deep breaths and watched jaehyun you looked extremely wary yet calm and collected. you were almost killed and jaehyun looked chill, although you doubt he felt like it. "taeyong's coming. wait for him in the main area." you folowed his instructions and took a seat in the couch of the main area, which basically consisted of a single couch and a very large table. the main area is where everyone would gather if they needed to plan something together, like breaking into a house and sorting out the escape routes etc. you werent part of those meetings but you were always there at the doorframe to see what taeyong and the others were talking about.

you took out your phone, not seeing any messages. you sighed and shoved your phone bac into your purse. it didnt take long for taeyong to come rushing through the door and placing himself on the couch, sitting down beside you and hugging you tightly. you nervously placed your arms around him, seeing the other members aloqly coming into the room. you let out a soft 'uh' into taeyong's ear, signalling taeyong to pull away from you since there were many eyes on you, wierded out that taeyong is being way too touchy with a gang member.

taeyong immediately noticed you hint and pulled away, coughing as he walked toward the huge table and slammed bot his arms down. "bishop is coming, in no time, theyll find out about our hideout and attack." the gang members begin to gather around the table. jaehyun however was standing with his arms folded behind the couch. "splint into groups and disperse. we cant be gathering in big groups like this. leaders take charge." you see the leaders of the sub groups, which were taeil, winwin and johnny nodding their heads to their boss. "those under me. stay low. dont do anything reckless. although it applies to everyone so." taeyong shrugged and sighed, rubbing his temples. "okay thats all. everyone head out tomorrow morning. im calling the leaders in the future to give further orders."

everyone said their goodbyes and exited the room one by one. jaehyu was the last one to stand at the door and before heading out, he gave a look to taeyong, which taeyong responded with a nod and walked out, closing the door behind hi and leaving you and taeyong alone in the main area. taeyong turned towards you and took a seat beside you, looking at you up and down. "im so glad youre safe." taeyog brings his hand uo to cup your cheek and frowned slightly and hugged him tight, digging your face into his chest. taeyong held you close and strokes your hair slowly and placed a kiss on the top of your head. "im not gonna let you go out without me or jaehyun anyore. i cnt imagine what woud happen if you went out alone." taeyong whispered as he pulled away, looking at your face before pulling you into a deep kiss. he pulled himself away from you. "you must be shock from that. im letting you sleep in my room."

you nodded slowly and stood up, following taeyong out of the main area and to his bedroom, which is basically his office. he lets you go inside first and closed the door behind him. he immediately unbottoned his white button up shirt, taking it off and throwing it at the edge of the bed and took a seat on the bed. "why are you so dressed up? you only went to the supermarket." taeyong commented as his eyes scanned you up and down, your outfit looking too bold for going somewhere simple in the middle of the night. "its not often i get to go out of this place. i just wanted to look good." yoy stripped your clothes off till you were in your bra and underwear. you placed your clothes where taeyong's shirt was and picked up his shirt to put it on. "you look nice in my shirt."

you giggled you walked over to the bed and layed down beside taeyong. taeyong cuddled you close, your leg over his and you burry your head deep into his neck. "im going to keep you safe from now on." teyong said, planting kisses on your shoulder. "thats not what a 'friend' says you know." taeyong lets out a 'tsk' before closing his eyes. "sleep," taeyong muttered. you smiled softly and kissed his cheek one last time before falling asleep. to be honest, you didnt know what was yor relationship with taeyong. for now, you only wanted to think of taeyong as your friend with benefit. besides, how can a gang keader even have time to fall in love. you were only there to comfort him, seeing his soft side. you felt that his actions says more than what your relationship with him is, but you chose to not let you imagination wonder too far. you liked taeyong, but you never wanted to interfere with his work by having a relationship with him, thinking that you would be a burden.

the next morning you woke up to see taeyong who just got out of the shower. you yawned and sat up straight, waiting taeyong who’s abs were out in the open, immediately diverting your eyes to it. “you’ve seen it plenty of times but you’re always staring at it like its your first time.” taeyong said calmly. you blinked your eyes and gaze your eyes up at taeyong who was drying his hair with a small towel. you blushed and stood up from the bed. “i cant help it.” you shrugged and begin to unbutton taeyong’s shirt which you slept in and slipped into your own clothes. before you walked out to head to your own room, taeyong pulls you to him by the waist in a swiftly motion and planted a kiss on your lips. “shower and get ready by 9 at the main area. im having a meeting which you need to be there for.” you smiled soft and interlocked your hands with his before letting go and heading out to your room.

you quickly showered and changed your outfit into a more comfortable one, merely only wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. you shoved your phone into your back pocket and and shoved your hands into the sides of your hoodie and walked your way over to the main room.

when you arrived, you see the members that are grouped to be under taeyong standing around. you noticed that taeyong has yet to arrive. you see jeno hanging around the corner with jaemin. you headed over to them, since they’re the only ones you would consider close to. “mal! how was last night? did you have fun?” jeno asked, tilting his head and grinning widely with the smile of a cheshire cat. you furrowed your eyebrows and slapped his should, making him flinch back as he let out a hiss. jaemin looked at the both of you, confused. “what happened last night?” jaemin questioned you. you shook your head with a smile. “oh its nothing. i just played cod with mark last night.” you glared at jeno who still had his smile on. you rolled your eyes and folded your arms. just how does he know everything? you thought to yourself.

you heard the door open, revealing taeyong in a ravishingly beautiful slick black suit. you clicked your tongue in amusement as you eyed him. what’s the occasion for him to be dressing this good? “great everyone’s here. let’s walk through what’s going to happen tonight.” tonight? what is taeyong going to do? is this what he worked long hours for? you listened attentively as taeyong talked about the plan to the members. you were in awe. you weren’t mentioned in the whole plan at all. why did you have to be here? “this needs to be pulled off properly if we’re going to beat that shit. got it? mal, i just need you to stay with me.” taeyong said as he turned his head to the back to face you. you widened your eyes and nodded quickly. “we head out at 12am sharp.” with that, taeyong walked out of the room, leaving everyone to do their own things.

jaemin chuckled. “this is going to be fun.” jaemin said in a sing-song tone. “the fuck is so good about killing a bunch of people jaemin?” you took your phone out to check the time, realising that they had the meeting for four hours and its already 1 in the afternoon. “its the chaos that excites me.” jaemin winked at you, laughing sinisterly and shoved his hands in his trousers and walked out with his shoulders laid back. “he’s only being sadistic. its fine.” you looked at him with a weirded out face. he snorts and jerked your arm with his elbow. “chill m. he’s just joking with you.” members slowly started going out of the main area. you decided to hang out at the arcade area.

the whole day went by quick since you were on your phone the entire time and once it was beginning to get close to 12am. the place started to get hectic with everyone preparing their guns and maing sure they have everything ready before moving out. you however, were just waiting in the main area. you figured that everyone would gather there first so you decided to get your lazy ass out of the arcade room and to the main area.

one by one, members started coming in. you see everyone, including jeno and jaemin with a pistol in hand. you have handled those before but your aiming really sucked. no one in the gang can compare to taeyong's gun skills though. his precision is so good he can shoot someone right in the center of their forehead from such long distances. he liked using old fashioned guns that were different from what the others had since he was more comfortable with it.

by 12am sharp as promised, everyone has gathered in the main area.taeyong gave one last look to all the members and everyone nodded their heads and exited the room swiftly, leaving you, taeyong and jaehyun.

"jaehyun's going to drive us to the mansion. after that, im not letting you out of my sight. got it?" you hummed in response as the three of you proceeded as planned, getting in the car immediately after getting out of the hideout and headed to david chong's mansion.

when you arrived, the car was right in front of the entrance of the mansion. you look through the window andnoticed how extravagant it looked. it looked rich, like it costed millions of dollars, but that is what to be expected from a mafia boss who has money rolling in every second. taeyong asked you to stay put in the car while jaehyun and taeyong got out of the car to talk to the two security guards that were standing at two sides of the entrance and heavily armed with multiple guns strapped on their black vests. taeyong and jaehyun were being checked by the two security guards to avoid having any guns being pointed at david chong, well that made sense.

not long after, jaehyun opened the door of the car and taeyong stood in front of you before grabbing you by the arm and getting you out. you were being pulled to the entrance. the security guards immediately scanning you up and down. "the fuck you looking at my girlfriend for? she's unarmed dont worry." taeyong hissed at them, making them click their tongues and allowing you and teyong to enter, along with jaehyun following behind. did taeyong called you his girlfriend? well that was unexpected.

upon entry, you see a huge grand room which two large sets of stairs on either side, leading and connected together to the second floor, to which a old men stepped out of the shadows of the dimly lit room. "lee taeyong. been awhile since ive seen you in the mansion." taeyong only kept silent, his seemingly cold blooded gaze on david chong. right now, taeyong looked extremely intimidating. although you werent scared by him the first time you met him, this was different. it felt as thoug even his gaze can kill soeone out of fear.

"come back home, taeyong. ill take you under my wing again, and youll live the finest life ever." david chong said. you observed him closely. you thought he looked like those males that become more ugly the more they age. "like hell i would." taeyong said. suddenly, david chong's eyes turned to you. you widened your eyes in fear, but tried to look calm and collected. "who is this beautiful and precious young lady?" he tilted his head and the smiled widly. you were disgusted by the old man was eyeing you right now. taeyong puts a hand on your shoulder. "you remember her right? the girl that your snipers tried to get." the old man started to climb down the stairs. taeyong watching his every step. david chong eventually ended up standing in front of you.

"looking up close, she's more pretty than i thought. could be of use to me." the old man come up close to you, way too close. he placed his thumb on your chin, tilting your head up and he examined your face. your eyes went to taeyong, who instantly pulled you away from him, making you stand behind him. "dont fucking touch her." the old man responded with a loud chuckle. "protective as always. i really did raise you up well." david chong kept his eyes on you. you could tell that taeyong would have ripped his neck open by now, but he kept calm regardless of the overflowing rage at how close david was getting to you.

"how about this? lets arrange a deal." david said, folding his arms in front of him as he stood a foot away from taeyong, who only stared at him fiercely. "i have the girl, and you get your freedom." you widened your eyes, gaze immediately switching from david to taeyong, constantly going back and forth. you felt jaehyun's presense from behind coming closer. "so i dont need your ugly ass and your men tailing my every move if i let her be one your your billions of prostitutes." taeyong raised and eyebrow and laughed histerically, making him look the only crazy one in the room. his eyes grew dark soon after. "try that and you wont see the light of day. though i think today is the last time you ever will." taeyong's eyes glanced to the side where it was dark and in a split second, a gun slided on the floor from the darkness and was in taeyong's arm. immediately, all the members got out from lurking in the darkness, guns all pointed towards david. however, david's men, including bishop's group, appeared on the second floor.

you looked around you in shock, overwhelmed by how much has happened in the blink of an eye. you moved back slightly, feeling jaehyun's hand on your back which made you feel a little safe. you see taeyong pointing his gun towards david's head, to which david responded with a low chuckle. "what, you want to kill me? i have many gangs under me. i could get you devoured in a second." you hear jaehyun letting out a huff as a gun was tossed to him as well. "im not that dumb please."

taeyong wraped his arm around david's neck and turned around to face biship's gang at the second floor. "move and he dies." taeyong shouted, tightening his grip on david's neck. you could tell that bishop's gang members were irritated and taken aback by what taeyong did. taeyong gestured his head towards winwin, who the signalled his gang to go up to the second floor.

"drop your guns." winwin said to the group of men. they were about to put their guns on the floor when a bullet was fired at winwin's shoulder, who immediately whinced in pain. the whole room became a chaos as bishop's gang started to attack. you froze in fear. taeyong shot david in the leg and turned around to look at you. without realising, you see jaehyun on the floor with bishop's members surrounding him. one of the men grabbed you and placed your hands behind your back, tightening his grip. you stared at taeyong with widened eyes, too scared to do anything. you tried to get away from the man's grasp, but clrly you werent strong enough to go against him. you see someone coming up from behind taeyong. "taeyong behind you!" it was too late. taeyong was knocked down unconscious. "taeyong!" you cried out, trying you best to get to taeyong, but you couldnt. you cried as you saw taeyong's body fell to the ground. you realised jaehyun was unconscious as well. it didnt take long for them to knock you out soon after realising the situation you were in.

your eyes fluttered open. you tried to move but realised you were tied up with your hands behind your back and your legs tied together as well. you looked around, trying to process where you were at. it looked like a basement of some sort. the walls looked old and moldt and there was nothing else around you other than taeyong and jaehyun. you started wondering where your other members were at. you wiggled your way towards taeyong who's body was still and wasnt that far away from you. you tried to wake him up by bumping your head on his chest. it didnt take him long to wake up. "mal. fuck they caught us." taeyong muttered under breath as he woke jaehyun up by kicking jaehyun's leg. jaehyun looked around. you saw jaehyun's ear twitch suddenly. he leaned towards the door. "they're coming." jaehyun said. the room fell silent as the door flew open, revealing david alone, walking in. "look at you. i thought you were stronger than this taeyong." david bent down to meet taeyong's eye level. taeyong turned his head away.

"so whats it going to be? the girl, or you?" david walked over to you and grabbed you by the collar and lifted you up, his head getting close to your neck and he took in your scent. you bite your lip and tilted your head away, struggling to kick him away. "smells like money to me." david chuckled. taeyong and jaehyun both hissed at him like snakes. david acted scared, letting out a "woah." sarcastically. "you got one hour to decide. also.." bishop suddenly appeared at the entrance of the door and walked over to taeyong. "pleasure seeing you again." bishop said to taeyong. "to think you would be dumb enough to team up with david. go to hell." taeyong argued. "i thinnk youre the one going to hell, when i torture you to death." bihsop instantly pulls out a night and placed it at taeyong's neck. jaehyun tried to kick it away but to no avail. "im having him torture you while you decide. have fun." with that, david dropped you back to the ground, and left the room. you heard him lock it, just great.

"now, what are we going to do with you three?" bishop romved the knife from taeyong's neck and circled around the three of you. "all we wanted to do was take david's money and bring him to the police for fuck sake." taeyong said as he rolled his eyes. "you shouldnt let me know your plan, idiot." bishop commented when he stopped behind you, pulling your hair, making you whince. "tell me, you ever had sex before?" your raised an eyebrow and kept your mouth shut. "not going to reply i see." out of nowhere, bishop connected his lips with yours and tried kissing you, but you didnt let him, still struggling to get out of his grasp. "get away from her!" taeyong shouted as jaehyun kicked bishop in the stomach with his legs. you fell down and coughed in disgust. bishop laughed, standing up and squat down infront of you. you spit in his face and stared him in the eyes. "fiesty. i see why david could have fun with her." bishop whispered. the only thing you could think about was how furious taeyong looked, his eyes burning in anger.

"well, i didnt come here to torture taeyong so, ill be on my way now." bishop suddenly carried you bridal style. you screamed taeyong and jaehyun's names as you were being carried way from them and out of the room. taeyong looked into your eyes, nodding his head as to signal that you will be fine, and that he'll find a way to get to you. you could only trust him when the door closed, removing taeyong and jaehyun out of your sight.

you didnt know where you being being carried to. you tried to stay calm, but your breathing was completely unstable. bishop noticed how you were acting. "calm down, im only keeping you for myself, i only worked with david to get my hands on you." bishop opened a door and entered the room. it was a bedroom, a good looking one at that, fitting the theme of the whole mansion. "what are you going to do with me?" you asked him, your voice cracking. bishop throws you on the bed and gets on top of you, you shivered as his hand touched your cheek, admirj g your face. "you'll find out soon, love." with that, bishop gets off the bed and walked out the room and locked you in. you looked around, trying to find any possible way to escape. there wasnt a window to escape through and you were unable to come uo with any ideas. you cried as you hugged yourself on the bed, you didnt know what to do. you were away from taeyong. who knows what could happen to you. you cried and cried till your eyes became dry and extemely red.

bishop hasnt come back for awhile now. you closed your eyes and tried to control your breathing, taking in deep breathes to try and calm yourself down, though it was very difficult. you didnt realise you were crying too much to the point where you fell asleep.

you woke up. you werent in the room this time. you looked around, you looked to be in a car. you turned to the front to see jaehyun and taeyong in the front seats, with taeyong driving. "great youre awake. we're heading home, not the hideout though." taeyong said with a monotoned voice. how did you get out? did you fell unconscious or something? you were in bishop's room the last time you were awake. you fell asleep again, too tired to think or even bother to ask yourself questions.

soon, you felt arms carrying you out the car. you fluttered your eyes open to meet taeyong's. he placed a soft kiss at the top fo your head. taeyong carried you to a rundown looking house. the wood on the walls were filled with mold, but it appeared to still be a suitabe place for a hideout. you were placed on a bed and taeyong sat down beside you. he hugged you tightly, and you hugged him back, fully embracing his presence. he plants soft kisses on your neck. you pulled yourself closer to him. "is everyone safe?" you asked with eyes of concern.taeying pulled away from you and smiled softly. "everyone is fine, a few wounded but the doctors are handling that." taeyong pulled you in your a kiss. you wrapped your arms around his neck, while his was placed securedly on your waist. taeyong pulled away and sighed. "im sorry i couldnt protect you." taeyong whispered as he grabbed your hands and places them both on your lap, rubbing your skin lightly with his thumb. you layed a kiss on the side of his lips. "its fine, i was scared, but i knew you would come for me." you smiled softly, trying not to break down again in front of taeyong to make him feel worse.

"i love you." taeyong said. you widened your eyes. "you do?" taeyong hummed and nodded his head in response. you placed your forehead against his. "so we arent friends with benefits?" you asked him again. taeyong gave you wierded out look. "since when were we friends with benefits. i thought you knew that i liked you." you chuckled softly. "you should know youre the kind of person that cant express his feelings well." you commented. taeyong only frowned, to which to kissed it away. "ill keep you safe from now on, no matter what. losing me is better than losing you." taeyong hugged you once again.

after that crazy experience you had, you learned a few things. one, that taeyong was now yours. you didnt have to hide your feelings for him, and the members were apparently happy for you two. well, taeyong would propably rage if anyone opposed it anyways. and two, that you were able to trust taeyong full heartedly. with his strength, you know that he would do anything to keep you safe.

#nct #nct 127 #nct 2020 #nct taeyong #taeyong x reader #nct scenarios #nct imagine #nct x reader #nct ff #nct au #lee taeyong #taeyong #taeyong ff #nct taeyong x reader #lee taeyong x reader

[anokaiwritingblog]

Oh hey. I forgot I have a writing blog. Here’s a WIP of my short story collection for my creative writing class. It’s a WIP for one of my major ideas I want to do.

Once every century, it is said that the planets of the solar system align perfectly. In a perfect row, they cast upon the ultimate shadow upon one another; opening the gates to other realms far from our own. It was said that the fallen god rose from this gate and set his sights on destroying our system just like his own. But where evil went, goodness was sure to follow. Out from this gate came the Holy Maiden and her summoned knight. Together, they sealed away the fallen god and cast light back into our system. The two understood that the battle was far from over. “Catch a fish for a man, he would eat for a day. Teach the man how to fish, and he eats for a lifetime.” Despite their love for each other, the Holy Maiden and her summoned knight agreed to go on separate pilgrimages to spread their teachings. The Holy Maiden remained in our system and founded us, the Holy Order, to pass on her teachings and traditions to future Holy Maidens. Her summoned knight, on the other hand, returned into the gate and spread his words to the numerous realms behind the gate. With their sacrifice, we have prevented the fallen god’s awakening over a thousand times…​

“Ay yo… so, like… cool lore but like… pretty cringy not gonna lie. You lost me at the “aligning of the planets” bit. It went from horoscope bullshit to cliched pre-teen novels with a bit of a JRPG elements in there,” a voice spoke out, breaking the breathtaking spell that weighed heavy in this beautifully painted dream.

The wind blew soft through the empty courtyard as no one said anything. In a walled-off garden stood seven bodies, each facing each other in a circle with a pond that separated each figure. Each stood on their own path that was surrounded by the water on each side but behind. A mini pier if you wish to imagine. The water was clear, yet the light was too blinding to see past the surface. All seven figures were outlined well enough to show that they were all women, yet a shadow covered their faces to remain a mystery to one another. Sitting above all this was a pink-haired woman. Her hair was braided back and looked far too youthful to be talking like an elder. Her prink eyes scanned each woman to search for the back talker, a glare like a dagger and on edge. Despite that, she kept an icy façade.

“Who cut me off? Head Nun of the Holy Order?” the pink-haired woman spoke up, looking down at the crowd of women below her.

“Uh, me.”

Slicing through the air, the Head Nun’s eyes locked on to the woman who spoke up; her hand raised slightly while maintaining the image of being smaller than what she was. Her limbs were tightly held together like a defensive turtle yet flashing a Chester cat grin in reception of the attention. “No offense lady but I felt like I heard this exact same plot with some gacha game I played last month. Can we just skip all this tutorial nonsense to get to the fuckin’ point already?” the woman continued, her blunt and straightforward words not matching the lowkey appearance she was trying to give off.

“Oh! You played Fate/Grand Order too? I’ve been trying to pull Gilgamesh for my team for months,” the woman on the right of the back talker chimed in. Though she was covered in shadow, the third party was animatedly clapping her hands together in excitement that she found a companion who played the same game.

“Eh, I stopped after two months. The drop rates are insane for that game and you don’t get enough of the in-game currency. I prefer Epic Seven since you actually win the gamble in summoning a strong hero-“

“Silence!”

Slamming her hand against the armrest of her chair, the Head Nun demanded all attention back onto her. The sound of flesh against marble echoing throughout this supernatural courtyard. Zeroing in out the outlier, the Head Nun sized her up before letting out a scoff. Receiving this judgmental look was a young woman of 21 years. If she never stood by herself, she might have blended in with a crowd with her rather ordinary looks. Brown hair, matching brown eyes, and a pair of glasses. Tell that description to any sketch artist and they would draw any other woman. One in five women look exactly like her. Was that statistically correct? Of course not, but most would believe it these days.

The nun craned her neck over these seven girls, peering down with arrogance. Who would have thought that the bold one in this group wasn’t the goth but this… loser. Despite not being affected by the spell, the rebel was overseen like the shadow of her chair or the tree’s. “Are you done speaking over me?”

“No, actually. You aren’t hurrying the fuck up and you rudely cut me off from having a pleasant and stimulating conversation from my neighbor here,” the woman said, “If you aren’t going to tell me what my horoscope is, I don’t want to hear another hour of lore.” From her sides, the woman could hear the reactions from the other girls who listen in to this back and forth. Some ‘tsk’ from her disrespectful actions while others acted a bit shocked. Of course, there were those who snickered from the show while one seemed to be rather disinterested. Tough crowd… To be fair, she wasn’t normally as blunt as she was today. She knew when to keep things to herself but quite frankly, this lady was going on for the last hour about prophecies and cosmic evils. This nun sounds like those writers who only focus on worldbuilding and not writing their story.

“Hurry up? We’re talking about the end of the world- YOUR world. This “lore” is vital. People’s lives are at stake with this information, Two,” the Head Nun said.

“Shit, really? Then why don’t you act it? Literally… no agency. This is the part where a creative writing teacher tells you “show don’t tell”,” Two answered right back; sarcasm dripping from every syllable. She wanted to correct the hag. Her name was Mia, but she understood there was anonymity for a reason. She was tactless, not stupid. Well, Mia would argue she had some tact, but her patience ran thin do this grossly, mishandled magic society. She thought those campy young adult books with groups run by idiots were meant to be… you know, fiction?

It all started right when Mia got to bed. She just got home from a long shift at work and all she wanted was nothing more than lay in bed. And that she did once she took an evening shower before bed. It was normal, everyday stuff for the third-year college student. She had school tomorrow and Mia just wanted to rest her aching body. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she opened her eyes to a completely new world. Looking around, she found herself not alone. There was one other person with her face covered and the pink-haired woman as well. Mia was greeted as “Two” and was told to wait for the other five to show.

That was an hour wasted in waiting and add in the additional hour for the hefty speech, we got our recipe for an irritated Mia. She didn’t go to bed just to stand up for two hours for some fantasy bullshit. Any other time? Sure. It’s cool. But now??? WHEN SHE HAS A TEST TOMORROW?! INCONVENIENT! It killed Mia since this was pretty fucking cool and different from the norm. Everyone dreams of being picked the chosen one but, come on… this was too predictable. If you read a fantasy book or consumed any fantasy media before, then you know what’s going on.

“Rude child. This information isn’t something as trivial as a novel,” the Head Nun spoke, looking down at Mia like a haughty teacher.

“I’m gonna assume that we’re all candidates in being chosen as the new Holy Maiden. We chose our knights or whatever. Compete and whoever wins must reseal the fallen god then tada! Happy ending! Yay!” Mia said. She even raised her hand at the ‘yay’ portion of her phrase. “Listen dude, I play too many games and read a shit ton of books for this. Can we please not do this while I’m in my pajamas?” Mia said, practically begging to be released from this mild inconvenience.

“… You guys weren’t exactly chosen. The universe brought you to us…” the Head Nun spoke, not really arguing with what Mia said. There was a cocky grin on Mia’s face as she just couldn’t help but find it funny how she got some otherworldly person tongue-tied.

“A lottery system huh… sounds about right. An NPC like me wouldn’t be chosen normally… I’m way too smart to be a main character,” Mia thought. She glances to the side for a moment before back on the show.

“Well… I’ll work with Two on this point and speed things up. Time is of the essence,” the head nun spoke, acting as if she was graciously fulfilling Mia’s wish. At this point, Mia didn’t care. Whatever helped the nun feel powerful or whatever… “As Two pointed out, all seven of you are candidates for becoming the new Holy Maiden. You will come into this realm three times a week for your lessons to strengthen your magic and during your regular days of the week, you seven will compete with one another. Your knights are the extension of your magic. When one knight trumps the other, they prove you are the strongest magic user and your defeated candidate is knocked out of the running. This continues until the last one is standing,” the nun explained, “We have hidden your faces and names from each other to keep you guys from cheating and attacking each other when you aren’t ready for combat. If you wish to fight, it’s up to you guys to discuss how to go about it.”

“A battle royal? I thought dystopian novels where kids kill each other in a game was out of fashion? I mean- they already got the Mirai Nikki vibe with the covered faces in the central hub…” Mia thought. She laughed under her breath with mild amusement at the situation. She decided to keep her thoughts hidden now as she surveys the competition. She wasn’t sure if she was going to take this seriously, but she thought she should start hiding her thoughts on the matter now. “The Head Nun never said we couldn’t figure out each other’s identity and jump them… nor any etiquettes of battle… how curious,” she continued her train of thought as she waited for the nun to finish.

“We’ll now do the summoning ritual. One, please kneel down and place your hand into the water to help your knight rise,” the Head Nun spoke. One looked around confused by the order, but she soon nervously did as she was told. She knelt and placed her hand inside. There was a good pause before One jolted. Slowly, One stood up to her feet as a tall figure rose from the water. Just like the girls, his face was hidden from everyone else but his master, no doubt. But his figure was very much noticeable.

“YO! Did you just summon a furry?!” Mia exclaimed before bursting out laughing. She pointed a finger at the girl next to her in a mocking fashion. While she couldn’t see the competition, Mia could at least see a pair of fuzzy dog ears on the knight’s head. But despite her words, Mia knew that, realistically, this knight was most likely a beast man or even a werewolf. She simply didn’t want to lose this chance to taunt her competition.

“Two! Please restrain yourself and respect your fellow maidens and their knights,” the Head Nun spoke. The pink-haired woman coughing into her hand to break up the interaction. “Now, for the love of God. Please shut up, kneel, and summon your knight.”

“Damn, at least ask for my consent before forcing me on my knees,” Mia muttered before kneeling as instructed. She felt rather stupid but seeing how the first maiden got a knight, Mia decided to just trust the action. She submerged her hand in the opaque lake. It was wet alright. Yet despite being in spitting distance to the surface, Mia couldn’t see past her reflection. “Come on RNG don’t fail me now. A hot guy would do wonders for my mental health,” Mia joked, “I hope re-rolls are free.”

On the edge of non-existence and existence, a subconscious mind rose to consciousness once more. He drowns in nothingness and breaths in hopelessness.

There was no sky nor ground to define his abysmal prison. Not even a memory to keep him company.

A hand reached out from above. A hand surrounded by light and a promise of warmth. He attempted to reach for it, yet he was restricted from moving and was forced to watch another steal the opportunity from the shadow. He watched the pair of hands meet and just like that, the light was gone.

He sank deeper into the depths of this unholy waiting room.

Yet again, a hand was extended from the dark with the temptation of freedom. Cautious to reach for it after the first time, he looked around for others who wished to take it. Many came and all walked away. No one wanted to take this hand.

He made an attempt to take it, if only to escape, but found that he was unable to pry himself free. Defeated, he decided to give up on the opportunity. It was pointless anyways.

Left unheld, the hand does not reel empty handed. No. Instead, it curled its fingers until one finger remained up.

One big ‘fuck you’.

What the fuck? So much for an inviting presence. Who did this person think they are? It wasn’t like he didn’t try to take their hand. But seeing this middle finger dangling in front of him like a fishhook with bait, he reached for it once more to drag the hand down into the depths with him. He was tied in place but after some furious tugs, he was freed with a pop.

Taking the hand, it became evident that the one getting snatched wasn’t them but him. Curled fingers shifted forms into a vice grip around his wrist upon skin contact. The dark veil that covered him were ripped off in that instance. Lights, sounds, textures, tastes, and smells flooded his senses as he became a person once again.

Planting both feet on the ground, Mia used both hands to reel up her prey. This summoning was nothing graceful like the girl next to her. It was primal and chaotic as Mia’s partner was floundering under the water. So much for a knight in shining armor. This guy isn’t fighting any dragons anytime soon if he’s having difficulty wrestling against an inanimate substance.

Letting out a battle cry, Mia used all her strength to bring her knight to the surface and onto the pier with her. It wasn’t his entire body but enough of it was on land that it was easier to drag the rest of him out with less trouble. Mia fell backwards on her butt and was slightly out of breath after that intensive ritual. Shiiiit. Carrying a body is a lot harder than it looks kids! Don’t trust what you see on TV. The more you knowミ★

Mia was the image of ‘tired’ with her slightly flushed cheeks and skewed. Fanning herself, she patiently waited for the man she pulled out to make the first move, yet he was belly-down, still as a door nail. For someone who had a lot of energy to fight against help, he suddenly became as complacent as a kitten.

Oh fuck... he isn’t dead, is he? Cause that’ll be pretty awkward ngl ┐(´-｀)┌

Mia leaned forward to inspect what she pulled out. She lifted his pale arm to search for a pulse. It was cold to the touch and she couldn’t tell if the steady thud she felt was his or an echo of her own. Upon letting it go, it limply fell to the ground with no flinch from him. Crap. Don’t tell her that she accidentally pulled out a dead body?! Well, Mia knew that pulling trash can happen during fishing mini games but she thought that this more of a “guarantee knight summoning” deal. Mia refused to believe that she waited five humiliating minutes waiting just to pull out a corpse. She wants a refund, god damn it!

Moving his head, Mia planned to check his pulse from his neck to double check if he was dead. There was no resistance in the action, yet she found herself meeting a pair of responsive red eyes peaking from between snowy white hair. The two of them stared at each other for a moment as they both seemed like caught criminals in the middle of a crime. The man’s chest raised up and down as he breaths; a piece of evidence that doesn’t escape Mia’s attention. He’s…

“HE’S HOT!!!”

Scrambling to her feet, Mia put both her hands in the air and let out her victory screech to the worried silhouettes surrounding her. No wait- she should be yelling how he was alive, not his appearance. Yet here she was, doing a victory dance on top of her knight in a pair of polka dotted pajamas. Give her a pitchfork and a tail then you got the image of an imp dancing on a grave. “Bro! He’s so hot... Edward Cullen lookin’ ass- I mean, not like the musty looking Robert Patterson version but how you imagine he look like based on the description,” Mia explained to anyone listening with a wildly inaccurate and vague description of the man. She waved her arms animatedly as she gossiped with her peers with the person in question crawling to his feet.

“Dude, that should be the last of your concerns,” Five said.

“I think you should make sure he’s okay…” Seven said, joining Five in expressing concern.

“Whoa there! You can’t really blame my maiden here for getting hung up on my dashing good looks. Dead or alive, you’ll notice my face first before anything else.”

Laying a heavy hand on Mia’s right shoulder, the man wrapped his arm around the woman to stand in solidarity it her. Surprised by the action, Mia tilt her head to the side to look at her knight to judge which side he was playing on. She locked eyes with him once more but not on accident this time. His touch was uncomfortable, yet she doesn’t push him away. They were a pair of souls with two different goals yet had a silent agreement to meet in the middle for the moment.

“Good to see you again, Catherine. You hardly look over two thousand years old,” Mia’s knight said, being the first to break their line of sight to look at the Head Nun. The nun sneered as the source of her stress doubled over the course of ten minutes.

“Ashley…” the Head Nun said, nearly hissing out the name. Her knuckles were turning white due to how tightly she held onto her armrest.

“Ash,” he corrected her, with equal amount of distaste in return. Ash was smiling but he on edge just like the Head Nun. But this rivalry was interrupted when Mia pinched Ash’s hand to catch his attention. He looked back down to receive Mia’s disapproving expression at his brief quip with the Head Nun. It seemed hypocritical that Mia was suddenly policing his attitude considering she was flaunting on the competition, but Ash clocked on what’s making her step in. “It’s okay,” Ash said, leaning down to whisper into Mia’s left ear, “This was just between me and her. No one heard me use my name. Not like it matters.”

“I’m just disappointed that you don’t have a chainsaw arm,” Mia whispered back, pretending she never had that concern by throwing out a seemingly random thought. Ash stared at her as if she was insane and as if to say ‘what are you talking about’ with expressions alone. “What? You never seen the Evil Dead franchise?” Mia whispered, “Not a fan of zombies movies?”

“You watched me rise from the depths, fight other knights, and you’re asking me if I’ve seen a movie?” Ash said, in disbelief at her question yet finding himself amused by it at the same time.

“I take it that you don’t have Netflix in the void then.”

Watching the duo snicker and conspire with each other like a pair of high school delinquents, the Head Nun rubbed her forehead as a migraine began to surface. She was losing control once again thanks to double trouble. Even the other girls who were patiently waiting began talking among each other. “Oh my god… like I thought, this was the worst combination I’ve ever seen in my lifetime…,” the Head Nun muttered to herself. She covered her face as she shook her head slowly as if she was contemplating something. “I didn’t realize it would be this bad… Out of all the times for that guy to make an appearance, he had to end up with her,” she continued muttering before ultimately lifting her head to look down at Mia and her summoned knight. The Head Nun needed to separate them. “Ah, Two? I don’t mean to disturb your… fun. But you summoned one of the more… troublesome knights considering his background. I’ll allow you to “re-roll”. How does that sound?” the Head Nun spoke, her voice sickening sweet and obviously fake.

Mia and Ash quickly turned to look at each other for how their partner would react. They wordlessly conversed with Mia gesturing the two of them then to the Head Nun. Ash’s only reply was an uncaring shrug but ended up nervously shaking off the water that stuck to his hair to appear distracted. “Yeah… no deal, Howie Mandel,” Mia said, trailing off for a moment to gauge last minute expressions from Ash before turning her full attention on the Head Nun. “You doing that makes me want to stick with Mr. Abominable Albino even more,” she said.

“Abominable Albino?” Ash said. He had a hand over his chest and appeared almost offending by the alliteration. He was hardly offended by being called such a thing but the fact that Mia wasted a braincell to make an awful pun in the middle of a fantastical end-of-the-world scenario.

“Whenever some untrustworthy figure makes some inflammatory comment about one of the leads, they’re obviously doing that to cause aa divide between the leads for their own benefit,” Mia continued as she ignored Ash’s offense to her words. She waved her hand in the air as if to disperse the fog of misinformation. “You even had a mini aside moment where you muttered to the readers that there’s something more about Ash!”

“Pardon?”

The Head Nun looked completely lost as Mia’s rambling turned to the meta and spoke about invisible audience members. But just like Ash, Mia ignored her words to continue her spiel. “And even if he’s a piece of shit. Worthless. Good for nothing. Pathetic. Dead weight. Only a pretty vase-“

“Okay. I think she gets it already,” Ash said, cutting in as the terms began to pile in his heart. He squeezed Mia’s shoulder to have her move on to the point.

“I will never give him up,” Mia said.

“And... why is that?” the Head Nun asked, wringing her dress in fear that Mia figured something out that she wasn’t supposed to.

“Because he is hot. I made that pretty clear since the beginning,” Mia said. She held her head high and mighty with not even a hint of shame. For a moment, Ash was about to feel touched by Mia coming to his defense. Touched enough that it would make him loyal to her and act as a spark to a turbulent but heartfelt young adult love story which would turn into a mildly popular trilogy with an eventual movie deal before fading into obscurity. But the curtains closed on that sparkling yet oddly specific future as Ash realized that he was stuck with the weird kid. “I mean- I guess I value him as a person too… or something. Power of belief or whatever inspirational term author’s like to use to tug on heartstrings.”

#my writing #this is isekai believe it or not #writer on tumblr #pov you're my classmate who sees me uploading this to our blackboard discussion board

[ajokeformur-ray]

✨ Unfiltered Joker thoughts ✨

I watched Joker with a bunch of lovely clowns on my Discord and while they werewolf’d in the chat, I typed out my thoughts here as they came to me. These are unedited, unfiltered, and exactly as they were in my head. I don’t know who’d be interested in this but 🤷‍♀️ who doesn’t love unfiltered thoughts about our man? NSFW ahead in places, lmao and some self-ship elements because it’s always on my mind.

There are Controversial Things within, I’m sure - be nice about it if you wanna comment, or unfollow/block etc. if it bothers you I won’t take it personally. I will take it personally if I’m sent a rude message, though. Fair warning. You curate your own online experience so scroll past silently if you gotta!🥰🥰🥰🥰

Tagging @arthurflecc @jokerownsmysoul @daincrediblegg @sweet-nothings04 bc they were in the chat and missed me there!! 

 Word count: 4, 597.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJO -

*Presses play*

OMG THERE HE IS BABYYYYYYYY ~ 

Ugh that white shirt... 🥵

“paint me like one of your french girls” 👀

oh, honey, no. 

Don’t force yourself to smile, my love, it’s okay. you can be hurting.

sweet angel who can do no wrong asdfghjkl

wanna kiss that tear away...

CARNIVALCARNIVAL CARNIVAL *STARTS SWAYING IN MY SEAT*

jaunty piano to juxtapose his shitty mood

you spin me right round, baby, right round...

ohhh, baby 🥺🥺🥺

someone’s honky lmaoooooo ~ 

that cello

Ohhhh, darling man.... i’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry

WOOPS CRYINGGGG ~

sweet angel love still tryna be funy with the flower squirting...

what else will squirt tonight???👀

ohhh, darling. deep breaths baby. it’s okay. you’re okay.

CRYINGGGGG

ohhhh baby boyyyy....

legit just cooed aloud

oh angel <3 

“is it just me or is it getting crazier out there?”

it is my love... it is. 

let me sit on your lap and still the shaking of your legs

ohhhh my love. you’re okay. just breathe.

Dr. Kane was doing her best but you’re beyond what she can handle

you deserve better, sweetheart.

my love, my life.

I JUMPED WHEN HE HIT HIS HEAD IN ARKHAM

“who knows?”

yeah me too, my love. me too. 

“i just dont wanna feel so bad anymore”

oh baby.

i know, my love. i wish i could hold your hand and stroke your hair and kiss your cheeks 🥺🥺🥺

had a shitty day but wants to comfort a child on the bus. thats my manssss ~ <3 <3 <3 

okay but his peekaboo makes me giggle please do that to me when im sad

“‘cuse you bitch?”

the greasepaint still on his face is endearing omg 

GIVE HIM BACK HIS CARD OR IMMA RIOTTTT

CRYINGGGGG 

ohhhh baby. no. deep breaths. i’m here, my love. not going anywhere

those fucking steps

me too, darling. i feel your exhaustion like it’s my own and i long to take it from you without changing a single thing about you.

my love, my life

the weariness of an unchanged routine is a paralysing one

wanna rub cream on your bruises

“yeah, mum” so soft im cry

“eat. you need to eat” i hear you in my head when i wanna skip meals and it helps me.

“oh yeah? who do you talk to?” YES SASS HER

“yay murray” ohhhhh angel you’re so cute I’m cry 🥺

murray you wankstain - old and crusty 🤮🤢🤮🤢

arthur’s laugh in his daydream 🥺🥺

“i love you murray” // “you’re awful murray” baby noooooo

“theres something special about you arthur” the only real thing murrat ever fuckin said AND IT WASNT EVEN A REAL THING IT WAS IN HIS HEAD

“I TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY MOTHER” YEEEES BABY YOU DO! SO PROUD OF YOU!!!

just wantin recognition in your daydreams bc you dont get it in your real life

YOU SWEET THING

HIS SWEET SMILE AND THE CELLO OH BABY 🥺😭

YOUR BACK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

shoes are too tight so you gotta stretch em 

can you stretch me too???👀🥵💦🔥

“chuckletown” RANDALLS LEGACY AND WE TURNED IT INTO SMTHN LOVING AND NOT SARKY LIKE HE INTENDED LMAO FUCK YOU RANDALL YOU PIECE OF SHIIIIIIIIT

arthur’s hair in the sun omg like a halo

randall fuck off fucking fuck off go aWAY LEAVE MY ARTHUR ALONE

you asswipe

arthurs shy and nervous lil giggle omg baby say no give the gun back its not well intended 

“my boy”  AHA LMAO HE DOES PAY YOU BACK BUT NOT HOW YOU EXPECT LMAOOOO YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE

THOSE CURLS

arthur’s sweet little lilting voice in front of his boss omggggg ~ 

HOYYYYYYT 

his logic makes no sense wtffffff ~ 

RETAIL SMILE LMAO THATS A MOOD 

brewing insanity..... 

POUND ME LIKE THOSE TRASH BAGS

RUIN ME AND THEN REBUILD ME IN YOUR IMAGE 

those mf stairs again

it’s the same old team since 1916... in your head, in your head...

never in my LIFE have i been aroused by a FOOT

lmao only Arthur istg that man is the exception to my every rule

Gigi is so CUTE 🥺

THAT SMIRK SIR CAN YOU NOT

“hey” omggg look at you tryna connect ugh so proud of youuu ~ 

the moon is a silver dollar... 

THOSE CURLS

THOSE BARE FEET

THAT SOFT VOICE

ARTHURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR 

frances conroy is a goddess omg i love herrrr ~ 

espesh on ahs she’s a queen

but i digress lmao wrong fandom

“dont you have to be funny to be a comedian”

FUCK OFF PENNY 

FUCK RIGHT OFF THEN FUCK OFF SOME MORE PLEASE

slap that bass.... 

FINGERSSS ON THE GUN ASDFGHJ PUT THEM ON ME INSTEADDDD

zoom zoom the world is in a mess

LMAO YEP

“psh” omg you sweet angel asdfghjk

THAT EYEBROW RAISE ASDFGHJK SASSY KINGGGGG

GET ITTTTTT

UGH THAT BODY WANNA COVER IT IN MARKS OF LOVE TO REPLACE THE VIOLENT MARKS

ARTHUR @ HIMSELF “YOURE A GOOD DANCER // I KNOW”

omggggg sweet clumsy babyyyy

lmaooo “old war movie” do you tell penny that when we get caught having sex on the sofa????

arthur honey following sophie isn’t.... the best way to get her attention asdfghjk 

someone needs to teach you social interactions... 

I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTTTTTE

that student/teacher roleplay comedian at pogos makes no sense to me???? i dont get his jokes at all

lmao bad comediannnnnn

arthur’s cute lil mistimed giggles ksksksksk 

wanna kiss your cheeks every timmmme 

you’re working so hard to achieve your goals im so so proud of you

ambidextroussss ~ (just like me omg we’re perfect for each otherrrrr)

“people expect you to behave as if you dont” YOU INTELLIGENT LIL SHIT OMG I LOVE YOU AND YOUR MIND

you know its a daydream if arthurs wearing a shirt at home 

his shy “yeah” omggggg ~ angelllll 

“i have a gun i can come by tomorrow” LMAOOOOOOOO 

“youre so funny arthur” YES HE IS DREAM!SOPHIE

CARNIVAL CARNIVAL CARNIVAL

I ACTUALLY STOMP MY FEET HERE BC IM HAPPY FOR THE TIME HES ON SCREEN SWEET CLOWN 

THE ONLY ONE IM NOT AFRAID OF

HES SO SO HAPPY OMGGG

BABY BOYYYY IN HIS ELEMENT

SAD THO BC KIDS ARE TERMINALLY ILL 

bestest party clownnnn 

“I love this job” oh baby 🥺🥺

aaaaaaaaand now the betrayal from randall lmao fuck that dude

NO BB YOUR FOREHEAD NO SMASHY GLASSY

LMAO THE FUCK ERIKA???

dudes 35 not a kid 

throwing greasy chips into a girl’s hair isn’t how to flirt my dude lmao you’re gross??? 

ew

EW EW EW WIGGLE YOUR CHIPS ELSEWHERE

ohhhh arthur, honey no omg breathe it’s okay

you wanna help but you dont know how

you sweet thing 

send in the clowwwwwwwwwwwwwwns ~ 

IM CRYINGGGGG

“they couldnt carry a tune to save their lives”

JOEKR ITS NOT YOUR TIME YET GO AWAYYYY

lmao jokes stay you know im lost without you 

HOW CAN YOUR HAIR LOOK SO GOOD AFTER BEING UNDER A WIG ALL DAY ?????

carnival with arthur’s hair is just 👌👌👌👌

WHERES HIS CARDDDDD 

nooooooo omg baby no omg i wish i could take all those punches for you

i’d take it all in a heartbeat to save you

gritting his teeth not taking in anymore

YES BABY GET EEEEEEM

YES YES YES YES STAND UP FOR YOURSELF SO PROUD OF YOU

first 2 self defence, 3rd one unsure lmao but fuck it 

no PUT THE GUN AWAY FROM YOUR FACE BABY ITS OKAY DONT FORGET YOUR BAG OR YOUR WIG ITS EVIDENCE

KILL THE 3RD COVER YOUR TRACKS

GOOD BOYYYYYY

carnival with blood on face = killing your insecurities

8 bullets from a 6 chamber????? mm-hm lmao i know @daincrediblegg wrote a thing on this once lmao bestest Egg is smart and i love her muchly 🥰🥰🥰🥰

run baby run, dont ever look backkk... (check yes juliet)

BATHROOM SCENE BATHROOM SCENE BATHROOM SCENE

fuck me against that dirty counter

joker’s waking uuuuuuuup....

that cello though unffff 👌

got me clenchinnnnn you fluidddd ~ 

and in his eyes, all the sadness of the world. those pleading eyes that both threaten and adore (phantom of the opera)

my brain is 90% song lyrics 

hes so graceful and ethereal so full of pain and of love and of adventure and worth and need and yearning

my sweet boy

my wonderful angel

my fallen angel

T POSEEEEE

DAYDREAM KISSSSS

ugh push me against the wall and shove your hand down my panties and take whats yours 

please and thanks

so confident

so smooth

so sure

unf

take me angel im all yours 

and my name is carnival

SASSY BOYYYYY

I SAY BOY BUT YOURE A MAN LMAO 

YESSSSSS TELL THEMMMMMMMM 

LMAOOOOOO RANDALL SEEMS LEGIT CONFUSED PFFFT

TOUGH SHIIIIIIIT

LMAOOO PUNCH OUT

BUSTING A LUNNGGGGG

HE DOESNT KNOW HIS OWN STRENGTH

OR HIS OWN LIMITS

“DONT SMILE”

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

nothin worse than being told to smile when you really wanna bare your teeth and let rip

aka me every fuckin minute of my life 

SHUSH ME SHUSH ME SHUSH ME

ILL CRY BUT DO IT

LMAOOOOO CHOKE ME WITH THOSE BICEPS 

ILL GO OUT DOIN WHAT I LOVE

YOUUUUUUU 

“gotham’s lost its way” ok trump

“thats not funny” SHUT UP PENNY YES IT IS

STOP SMOTHERING ARTHUR LET HIM BE FREE

“nobody ever saw me. even i didnt know if i really existed”

and

“you dont listen do you”

BOTH ARE MOODS

i feel them so hard

hes so sure of himself in this session

so angry and done and weary

“people are starting to notice” ALMOST A YEAR OF YOU BEING NOTICED

that green jumper omggg 

good luck getting me out of it pfffft 

“erika have you seen my - oh, there it is. never mind.”

want it back???? payment is kissessss

EW SEXIST COMEDIAN

arthur honey stop primping youre perfect <3 <3 <3 

im so so proud of youuuuu

COLLARBONEEEEEES

OMG HE STUMBLES UP THE STEPS DARLINGGG

I wish i could hold your hand while youre on stage and comfort you while you deliver your jokes

just breathe, darling. it’s okay. i’m here, i promise. <3 

every time you gag on your laughter my heart clenches

CRYINGGGGG

oh, my love, it’s okay. just breathe. dont fight it. dont fight yourself 

you’re so good at imitating your ma pfffft 

lmaoooo you’re so funny arthur 

WOO BOI DONT FLASH YOUR PORN PAGES AT THE AUDIENCE 

givin me ideas.... 

SMILE THOUGH YOUR HEART IS ACHING

SMILE EVEN THOUGH IT’S BREAKING 

WHEN THERE ARE CLOUDS IN THE SKY

YOU’LL GET BY

SMILE THROUGH YOUR FEAR AND SORROW

SMILE

AND MAYBE TOMORROW

YOULL SEE THE SUN COME SHINING THROUGH

arthur is my sunshine

EXCUSE ME HEART EYES OMGGGG

ME AND ARTHUR HEART EYESING AT EACH OTHER PFFFFFT 

gonna put people off their food doin that 

thats life

arthur’s imitations and those soft curls and the dancing and the - 

erika.exe has stopped working 

“come on dance with me”

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

i prefer the horizontal dance myself...

“big date”

“deliver the letter”

NARCISSISM 

ARTHUR YOU DESERVE BETTERRRRRRRRRR

IS IT BAD HIS EYEBROWS TURN ME ON?? SO THICK AND DARK AND STRONG I - 

and those eyes

ugh fuck meeee ~ 

yes thats an invitation

penny “needs care” but her handwriting is that neat???? yeah fuck off 

sorry i dont buy it

she was grooming him i think into some kinda husband role and its fucking gross as fuck she was abusing him and he just wanted her gone 

CUTE LIL NOSTRIL FLARES BC SAD AND ANGRY

OMG

his quiet anger scares me but i admire how he calmed down so fast

angry penguinnnnn

HE CARRIES HIS CLOWN NOSE AROUND IN HIS POCKET

CUUUUUUUTE

the similar clothing colours of arthur and bruce is v def intentional 

in another life, arthur....

i’m so sorry darling you deserved and deserve so much better

legit one small change in anything coulda prevented 80% of this film

your magic tricks are gorgeous ~ 

you’re so funny and soothing and comforting and so good with kids

you are the best party clown

I GASPED AT THE FLOWERS

like my server nameee ~ 

“hi” that soft noise 🥺

arthur’s hands on those bars omg 🥵🥵🥵

okay i’ll admit i still dont get the whole arthur/thomas thing lmao is he his dad???? ive seen this film 10000000 x and i still can’t decide.

i wanna say he is but like ??? idk ??

it’s tragic either way omg arthur’s wasted in gotham

ruuuun arthur run run runnnnnnnn 

the bg music isss 👌👌👌👌

arthur accidentally caused penny’s stroke bc med w/drawal but all that abuse, like ????? i get why he kept her sedated lmao i’d want her knocked out or smthn too

7 meds between the two of them, probably.... that might be why he wanted an increase???

you gotta lie, angel.

you’re in way over your head but lie

yeeees good boy!!

“a clown thing?“ lmaoooo tell them!!!

NO ITS EXIT ONLY

KINDA LIKE MY ASS LMAO NO ANAL FOR YOU 

he just wants love and comfort and for someone to stay omg you sweet thing 

you deserve the world and all the forehead kisses 

TURN THE TV OFF

TURN IT OFF

TURN IT - 

OH TOO LATE

arthurrrrr ~ 

its like a car crash lmao you know its coming but you cant stop looking

fuck off murrat

FUCK OFF SOME MORE

oooooooh thats a danger face....

lowkey want it between my thighs lmao use me to work out your frustrations i can take it 

“kill the rich” lmao relatable 

this film revealed to me that i have a flexible morality ksksksk im all for it though 

sleepy bb ~ 

“we are all clowns” ALSO RELATABLE

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

arthurs thriving in the crowd omg yes baby looks so happy

flashes of joker comin throughhh... 

sneaky baby...

quick on his feet, light on his sense... 

tread lightly on my ground, (abba; andante)

THE RED THEATRE SUIT OMG FORESHADOWWWW

he looks good in red

he looks good out of red too 👀👀

that is the smile of the world’s most precious angel omg babyyyy ~ 

he makes me smile omg hes my sunshine

my love my life 

you saved my soul do you know that??? do you feel me and how much i love you? do you see me and these tears? 

do you feel me like i feel you?

ohhhhh boy here we go asdfdgfhgjhk arthur going to meet his dad, only asking for love and instead he gets punched in the face

i mean i get it bc of what arthur did to bruce with the whole hands in the mouth thing but bruce is barely mentioned, like an afterthought?

thomas has a nasty temper i wouldnt want him for a dad

thomas legit only mentions bruce after he’s punched arthur its like his only thought is really protecting himself and his rep with the whole penny thing

his son comes after; legit as he’s walking away he mentions bruce so hes obvs not that concerned????

shitty dad award lmao

not that what arthur did is okay im not excusing his admittedly misguided and lowkey creepy actions but like ????

lmao prob gonna get hate for this ^^ like i did last time i mentioned it but i dont care im allowed an opinion

too tired to care rn anyways pfffft its storming so bad outside and my wifi has dipped idk if this’ll save

c’mon wifi, for me... 

yes

arthur didnt have an attack til he got called crazy, its a trigger word for him 😭

oh baby its okay, deep breaths.

dont fight your laughter, that’ll make it worse 

the way he bounces back from that punch though - you know how to take it, dont you, my love?

you sweet thing.

i wish i could get you out of that fridge omg baby those old ones lock - how did you get out ????

meds are wearing off now.....

darling say no to the show lmao you dont wanna go

*facepalm*

every time i watch this i hope it turns out different

it never does

arthur honey dont ask questions you dont want the answers to

that clerk was protecting you not letting you see the file

that clerk and gary were the only ones nice to you

but it wasnt enough

you needed love and support and help and guidance 

and instead you got literal and metaphorical punches and no break

the hand puppet omgggg ~ 

i want him to play peekaboo with me when im sad/upset/make a hand puppet over my shoulder aszdxfcghvjbkn

ohhhhhh darling stop reading stop reading stop reading

put it down. 

this entire scene is confusing and heartbreaking

ive seen this film 10000000 x and im still not sure i fully understand

his laughing is so much like sobbing here

omg moonshine its okay you can cry. let it all out. 

newspaper clips in a real file???? mmmm - unprofessional or arthur’s manifestation of news??

🤔

we love pathetic fallacy in this house

i wanna get you in the shower and wash you down and feed you and wrap you in my warm embrace “i had a bad day”

my dark angel, it’s okay. i’m here. i love you and im staying with you no matter what

sophie was his last hope, his last chance to reconnect

again im not excusing it lmao but im saying i understand him

hes touching everything to experience it for the first time

he knows shes a daydream

hes self-aware but he needs his coping mechanisms

we all do it

not the breaking in, i mean the daydreaming 

“i had a bad day” shatters my black, shrivelled heart 💔💔💔💔💔💔

ohhh, darling.

istg you’re the only person i ever fucking coo at 

finger-guns = reconnecting = remember me see me

but i guess to sophie it came across as ominous/creepy??

poor arthur trying so hard to reconnect to people and he just cant do it he doesnt have the social know-how bc no one bothered to ever teach him

again im not saying its okay im just saying

lmao i hate how i always feel like i have to justify myself even before thats called into question pffft the internet is cruel and prev times ive voiced myself ive been sent rude messages and once bitten twice shy

the sword forgets but the tree remembers

hes sobbign and laughing and its gut-wrenching

that neighbour yelling “shut up” better catch these hands imma square up

have some compassion dickwad

you never know what someones going through so be kind

always always be kind

^^^ film takeaway right there

if looks could kill penny would be 6 feet under

OH WAIT LMAOOOO 😂😂😂😂😂😂

in killing her he sets himself free. but the trauma and the damage done to him leaves him open to more of the same bc hes so vulnerable

that heart-rate monitor went quiet so quickly did he tune it out????

OMG THE WAY HE REHEARSES FOR THE SHOW YOU SWEET MAN OMG YOU DESERVE THE WORLD

sir thats my seat lmao my throne of red

“yeah? all of you? okay” 🤡🤡🤡

us lining up to fuck him into next week 😂

THATS LIFEEEEE ~ 

the fuck kinda hair dye you usin’???

CHOKE ME W THOSE BICEPS

DANCIN TOGETHER IN THE BATHROOM

THOSE HIPS DONT LIEEEEE 👀👀

scissors = pre-med murder but triggered by “my boy” - term used by abusers. 

poor angel’s triggered by lots of things, i think. theres no telling what triggers his violence and thats what makes him dangerous

could be anything and theres also no telling what his “you wronged me” scale is so ??? 

he’s like a kicked dog... lashes out when hes had so much and wont/cant take anymore

“COMING” yeaaaaah i bet....👀

“i stopped taking my medication and i feel a lot better now” GET OUT GET OUT THATS A RED FLAG OUUUUUUUUUUT YOU GO

OOOOOH JOKER’S LAUGH IS OUT - HES MOCKING YOUUUU AND YOU DONT EVEN KNOW IT BOY’S SMARTICLES

this is why arthurs so dangerous. he looks lithe and weak and fragile but he takes down a man twice his size with scissors in one hit

do not underestimate him it’ll be the last thing you ever do

I WANNA LICK THE BLOOD OFF HIS FACE

BRITISH ACCENT ON POINT 

LMAO he’d so mock me for mine 😂

“you were the only one who was ever really nice to me” a moral codeeee; flexible morality like meeee ~ 

okay but he so made gary jump bc he knew gary was too scared to move otherwise

loooooving the gallows humour with the door lock PFFFT

gotham slept on arthur dude’s hilarious

OH OMH OMG OMGOMOMGOMGOMGOMGOKMG JOKER JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY LOVE MY LIFE MY CLOWN MY HUSBAND OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

IM CRYINGGGGGGGG

JOKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

I CANT BREATHE FUCK OMFFFFF LOOK AT HIIIIIIM

LOOOOOOOOOK LOOK LOOK ASZDXFCGVHJBKLKJHGFDSZDXFGHJHKJLKJHGFD

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

MY LOVE MY LIFE MY JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKER

JOKERJOKERJOKER

LMAO HE’D BE GIGGLING AT ME RIGHT NOW OMGGGG

lmao let randall rot there fuck hiiiiiiim (and not in the fun way)

i want Joker to touch my clit like he did the lift button 👀

ohhhhh look at you having fun on the stairrrs

happy babyyyy ~ 

dancing  towards what you believe to be your death

so glad you changed your punchline at the last minute you didnt deserve to die

SWEET FLAWLESS ANGEL I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

his “oh” when the cops come lmaooooo ~ 

he does that when you grind down hard on him...👀

so used to pain he gets up from being hit by a car and carries on 😔

run baby run...

hes so agile and so quick on his feet

thinks fast too

arthur for fuck’s sake dont you dare stop

you’re almost there, my love.

im so so proud of you

SASSY DANCING ANGELLLL

i love that smug smirk he has and that chuckle omg lmaooooo ~ 

i’d do anything to see you look at me with such pride

ooof you look so angry in the subway but i’d happily cup your face in my hands and smother you in kisses

your eyes red rimmed with tears. youve been sweating and crying ohhhh ~ 

my love omg you didnt want this, you didnt want the riots and you dont know how it spun so outta control and you didnt choose this

i so desperately want to be with you right now

“i dont believe in anything” THATS OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY

I MEAN ITS ALREADY YOURS BUT YOURE STANDING ON IT OUCH

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

“mm-hm” i love that little noise

“i love dr sally” BITCH YOU HAVE A WIFE AT HOMEEEE

“THATS WHAT YOU CALLED ME ON THE SHOW. A JOKER. DO YOU REMEMBER?” THATS SUCH A DANGEROUS LOOK ON HIS PERFECT FACE LMAO MURRAY HAD ONE CHANCE TO CHANGE HIS MIND AND APOLOGISE AND HE DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT LMAO

fuck ‘em, Joker.

You deserve better

GET

THAT

FUCKING

GUN

AWAY

FROM

YOUR 

FACE

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all that pain in his eyes....

oh, darling. how did no one see you????

his backstage dancing got me 💦💦💦

hes so ethereal and mysterious, so free yet so constrained, so beautiful and so himself

i love him i love him i love him i love him

smile playing as he comes out on stage lmao even now hes being told what to do and how to act

hes never free

spinny baby

you spin me right round...

he suits the stage so well

lmao woop sexual assault (kissing dr sally without consent) isnt a good move Joker but damn what a first kiss...

never thought i’d be jealous of an elderly woman but here we are 🤡

he looks so good under the lights omg so crisp....

wanna mess and smear it uuuuup

~

you’re all being mocked and none of you fucking know it lmao get wrecked

memory problems bcof the notebook + “get it right” - he really cares

ohhhhhh baby come on change your punchline, come on....

okay but that drunk driver joke does make me giggle lmao it’s so out there and honestly my sense of humour is just as dark as his is

i just sHIVERED 🥵

“arthur” HE SAID CALL HIM JOKER DONT BE RUDE

ohhhhh i’m cryingggg 😭😭😭😭😭😭

i cant watch this without crying ohhhh all that pain, all that suffering and all that anger, confusion and betrayal. a mental breakdown on nat tv and no one sees him. how the fuck are you all so blind?????

“mur-rray” LMAO YOU FUCK MY NAME I FUCK YOURS

SAY IT JOKER IM SO SO PROUD OF YOUUU

hes speaking facts

“they couldnt carry a tune to save their lives” and that eye roll and groan yes we stan a dramatic CLOWN

this is fucking heartbreaking omg “i dont care about anything” but then he rants in the next minute - so unpredictable and dangerous and untamed but so so pretty in his pain so beautiful and so free

but hes not free... not really

“werewolf” as a verb omg only you could make that work

im so fucking proud of you

“youre awful murray” ooooooooh....

LMAO JOKER’S JOKE BLEW MURRAT’S MIND

hes crying and shaking and no one ??? sees him ???? how????

i legit dont understand how people just dont see him? people see what they wanna see but it’s right there???

he seems almost surprised by the fact he killed him

YES GRAB MY FACE LIKE YOU DID THE CAMERA PLEASE

IN THE WHITE ROOOOOOOOOM

UGH I LOVE THIS SONG SO FUCKING MUCH ITS SUCH A FEEL GOOD SONG

GOTHAM IS SO PRETTY WHEN ITS ON FIRE OMG ITS SO ALIVE

I LOVE THE ENERGY THIS SCENE GIVES OFF

ITS LIKE HOW JOKER HIMSELF MAKES ME FEEL

ALIVE

his little “hi” like they can hear him 🥺🥺🥺🥺

his laughter omggg sweet angelllllll ~ 

“i know. isn’t it beautiful?” YES IT IIIIIS

AND SO ARE YOU

OH NO OMG NO NO NOPEEEE

this scene always scares me even though i know hes okay pffffft 

the birth of joker lmao

be careful with him please hes precious cargo

omggg i wanna sit on that car and wipe his blood away and help him to get home so i can patch him up

lmao im a scaredy cat til my loved ones are threatened then i scare up this fawn bites

i wanna help Joker to get help and support

i wanna love him through it all, the good and the bad

his slow dancing always gets me omg it’s arthur, still there, still suffering, still unseen and unloved

hes crying and hes in pain

blood smile - my inside is on the outside now and it still hurts

he didnt want any of this. he chose his name ubt not what came with it

my poor clown...... 

CRYINGGGGGG AGAIN

HIS GENUINE LAUGHTER SENDS ME OMG ITS SO PRETTY

i wanna make him laugh like that

it always makes me smile omg those cute lil hiccups 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

THATS LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE

i love the audio muted during the scene he sings it omgg it’s so prettyyyy ~ i like to pretend hes singing to me sometimes asdfghjk

metaphorical or literal blood???

hes accepted who he is now.

hes free

dancing in the white light like an angel

i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love hiiiiiiiiiim ~ 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

~ THE END ~

#erileck #self-shipping #lmao this was fun

[quakerjoe]

Dear Biden Bro Rape Apologists

This includes you politician motherfuckers backing Biden right now.

A CUPPA JOE for CINCO de MAYO, 2020

During all this time you spent bashing me because I supported Tara Reade, I’d like to point something out at this time that clearly y’all missed in your ever-glorified shit-slinging fest defending your GOP insider, Joe Biden.

No ONCE did any of you motherfuckers ever ask one simple question of me and it was this:

“Do you actually BELIEVE Tara Reade?”

Rather an important question, isn’t it? Here’s what separates me from you shit guzzlers who are so fucking terrified and scared of trump that you’re willing to back any piece of shit just to be rid of him. 

You see, dumbasses, my answer would have been “I don’t know; I wasn’t there.” But like most feckless twats, you all missed the point and now it’s too late for you all. The train left the station. That ship has sailed. The point was that we needed to take the accusation seriously, for the sake of all women and all Survivors and investigate the matter because it would have been the right thing to do, not ignore and scorn her and try to cover it up. I’d expect that of the GOP, but come on, Democrats! You were supposed to be better than that! EPIC FAIL ON YOUR END HERE. 

Since clearly you left-wing trump-tards-for-biden types need it spelled out for you:

Whether of not Reade’s story is true or not is, at present, immaterial. What matters is your conduct and the conduct of the fucking assholes in the DNC and the party, and you all failed at being decent human beings.

You failed to take the accusation seriously when it was YOUR guy while not that long ago you were all screaming for justice to the victims of people like Bret Kavenaugh, trump, Cosby, and Weinstein to name but a few rich and powerful types who adhere to trump’s “philosophy” of how you can grab ‘em by the pussy and get away with it when your famous.

YOU FAILED. Not me. You.

What’s worse is that good people like Al Franken had their careers burned for far less. You failed him, and not you’ve shown that you’re willfully ignorant, selfish cunts, just like trump supporters. JUST LIKE THEM.

You see, there’s supposed to be this process when it comes to vetting people for things. Employers tend to do a general background check before hiring employees. When I joined the Navy over half a lifetime ago, my life was thoroughly put under scrutiny because I’d volunteered to serve on submarines. They looked into every detail of my life from my family to my schooling to my jobs to interviewing my friends to get a feel for whether or not I was trustworthy enough to work on classified equipment, also checking my finances to ensure I wasn’t vulnerable to things like being tempted to be a traitor by selling secrets to foreign adversaries because I was in a tight spot. They wanted to make sure there was no dirt anyone could have on me that might compromise me in some way.

Trump got ZERO of that. I was only an enlisted fuck serving on a sub. Why is it we do not hold the Commander-in-Chief to an even higher standard when he’s going to have the “football” within reach at all times with nuclear codes?

As I’d mentioned, the investigation involved looking into character. Biden is a CREEPY CHARACTER, but clearly like trump supporters, you Biden Bros are fine with Biden being creepy and possibly even RAPEY. But the point is we’re talking about an outright RAPE here. RAPE. Biden is accused of cornering and then digitally penetrating a woman’s vagina against her consent. Does that mean ANYTHING to you? Especially you women who are betraying your own supporting this fucknugget! Where’s the concern? Where’s the desire to delve into the vetting process and enact this “DUE PROCESS” you once screamed for?

I don’t know if Reade’s story is true or not. However, where we part ways is that I, for one, took it seriously. I firmly believe, in good conscience, that Biden’s got enough going against him as it is that that Due Process will either vindicate him enough that people like me might be able to choke down the vomit long enough to force myself to vote for him OR he’ll be proven to be a rapist and should, by rights, step out of the way for someone that’s NOT a rapist.

You assholes backing him FAILED. You failed not only women everywhere who are Survivors, you betrayed MeToo, TimesUp, the already weak and tarnished reputation of the Dem. party, and overall and most importantly- your country.

You FAILED to be a decent human being. So, to end this, you clearly need me more than I need you or Biden. If you can’t represent what I hold dear and adhere to a code of conduct becoming a representative of the US Presidency, then I won’t be bullied by you or tolerate you forcing me to betray my code of decency. You won’t tarnish my moral compass. But, in the end, you’ll still need me.

Like trump supporters, you need what I represent- “The other”. I’m the one you’ll blame in November when Biden tanks and we get 4 more of trump because somehow in your addled brains you equate MY lack of support as support for the other side. I support neither because to me, they’re one in the same all working to promote the GOP agenda of utter shittiness. None of my values are being represented by Biden except by way of paltry lip service in order to get elected to his likely one term where he promised to literally change nothing. Yay. A real go-getter to save the working class and save the world from disease, poor education and climate change. Woo-hoo!

So don’t you worry. I’ll be here for you to blame. I know you will because taking personal responsibility for your loss is just what trump supporters do- deny mistakes and blame someone else; trump style, but you know what? I don’t give a flying fuck in a rolling donut. I for one as will others like me will know that the fault is yours for not standing up to the fuckery of the DNC and always taking a knee to bow down to corporate/establishment Democrats who truly don’t give a fuck about you. I’m here for them too; the Great American Scapegoat, that’s me. You people will never learn and you’re no better than the GOP, trump, or his dumbass supporters. Blame me and my kind all you want because we’re not only not afraid to stand up to trumplefuckstick, we’re also not afraid to stand up to Democrats and call them out on their bullshit, either. You Biden Bros had a simple job- sell us on Biden. Earn our votes. Convince us in a meaningful way. Instead, you’ve demonstrated that you’re pieces of shit like trump’s cultists.

It’s not MY JOB to vote for someone, especially if I don’t believe him or if he represents NOTHING I want from my representative in the White House as POTUS. It’s THEIR job to convince me to HIRE THEM because this is a big fucking job interview, not a round of fucking Candy Land. So far, I am about as impressed with the Democrats as I am with the GOP and you’re not helping. To me, you’ve gotten to be more of the same than you were back in 2016. It’s as if trump has actually set a new standard so low that Dems are racing them to the bottom.

If Democrats want my vote, they’ll front me at least SOME of what I want in a POTUS. Biden offers ZERO for me, and if you weren’t so terrified to trump like scared little children, you’d get your heads out of your stupid, well laid asses and see that Biden’s just not into you either.

~Quaker Joe

#MeToo #MeTooExceptBiden #SayNoToJoe #BLUEMaga

[iheardarumorxxx]

Midnight Sun, Chapter 7 - Melody

Surprise bonus chapter tonight. Normally I do two a day, but I had extra coffee today so I’m ready to go, let’s recap this trash.

Aaaaand we start with Weirdo brooding in the car and sniffing up all the Bella smell in it. Thanks, I hate it. 

And do you wanna know what our favorite little Pire is brooding about in the car while he waits for his siblings to finish up their last class of the day? He’s sitting in the car, wondering if Bella thinks he’s pretty. I wish I was kidding, but no, this man is literally sitting there, wondering if Bella is attracted to him because when she is around him her heart rate and breathing picks up and she blushes. Oh, but rest assured, Bella would never have the same impure thoughts that Gross Jessica Stanley had about Edward. 

Leave Jessica alone.

Also, Eddie? Bullshit. As someone who lived in your girlfriend’s head for 4 books, I can absolutely tell you that she has all kinds of impure thoughts about your marble adonis self, and she should probably be confessing to a priest because of them. 

Anyway, Eddie thinks some impure thoughts of his own (yay double standards) and gets a boner in the car. He gets very flowery and harlequinn with his little fantasy about Bella, to the point where, had this not been SM’s writing, I would have not been surprised to read the phrase ‘heaving bosom’. It’s G rated sex at its finest, guys. Be grateful that you didn’t have to read it (unless you did, in which case, I applaud you.)

I had no memories of another kind of yearning.

Just say ‘I never got a boner before Bella’ and be done with it, Eddie. Also now is the time to make your 109 year old virgin jokes, if you’re so inclined. I personally believe that it is perfectly fine if Eddie never felt sexual attraction before Bella, nor would it be a problem if he never felt sexual attraction at all. Ace people do exist. What bothers me is that this is framed in a way that is basically saying ‘You’ll feel the wiggles down there when the right person comes along’ and absolutely ignores the fact that sometimes, people never feel those kinds of attractions. Also, if you do feel those kinds of attractions but its not toward your pure and true love, you’re gross and awful like Gross Jessica Stanley.

The rest of the Cullen brood show up, and of course because Bella is so Special and Wonderful, even Jas and Emmett think she smells delicious, though, not nearly as delicious as Ed does because he’s the Most Special Cullen. Rose is mad and Alice just does as she was instructed to do by her magic future sight. Eddie is put out that he can’t spy on his lady love through her thoughts when they get to her place because he can’t stand not knowing where she is and what she’s doing at all times.

The Cullens go home and start doing various boring things. Chess, computer, TV. Rose is still pissed about the Bella thing and honestly? She has ever right to be. This puts her in danger, her and her family. It puts her husband in danger. She has every right to be mad and SM trying to frame her as bitchy and over-reacting does nothing to make me think that she is.

And Eddie. Oh Eddie. He’s playing the piano. We all know that he’s writing that stupid lullaby for Bella, and Esme is just so happy that her sweet precious baby is playing music again that she has to immediately appear and start fawning over him. Listen, I think that playing piano is a very impressive skill. It takes talent to learn and master. But treating Eddie’s little song like the next mozart piece is just stupid and I hate how everything they do is just consider the BEST THING EVER.

Alice singing along just. Boo. Go away. This was already bad enough as it was, don’t make it worse.

You are the best and the brightest of us all.

Just come out and fucking say it Esme. Or rather, just come out and fucking say it SM. It’s obvious that SM thinks her little avatars are the best and most special things to ever exist. She genuinely thinks that she’s created something to parallel the greatest lit of all time, and that her Eddie is akin to Mr. Darcy. Edward Cullen is not a good character. And he is not an interesting character. And that’s that.

God, there is an entire little section here just shitting on Rosalie. Rosalie is vain and petty. She only cares about her looks. Her whole life she was only looked at because she was pretty and it made her shallow and care only about appearance. Etc etc. Ignore the fact that Rosalie is clearly smart enough to maintain a 4.0 with the rest of her siblings, that she is skill with cars, that she does, in fact, have interests and hobbies outside of traditionally fem ones. She’s just a dumb, vain, shallow girl.

Fuck you, Eddie.

I am of the firm belief that one should never force their own beliefs on others. Never be afraid to express what you believe in, but never tell someone else they’re wrong because their beliefs are different. There are a few exceptions. One is Trump. That man is a danger and needs to be stopped. Period full stop. The other one? Alice mentions that their normal vamp friends are coming and they hunt the normal way. The Cullens have no problem with this and, in fact, just let them hunt nearby. In BD they actually loan out cars to the vamps to help them get away to hunt. The Cullens don’t eat humans, great, but they sure do aide and abet their friends that do. Murder is fucking wrong, even if to these stupid Pires, it is just a lifestyle choice.

Eddie and Emmett are hunting, some real bro bonding time. I wish that was what it was, honestly. I am aware that the Cullens are not actually related, but the have been together for a long time, and clearly have a family dynamic in place. It sure would be nice to see them attempting to act like siblings. To talk to one another, to bond, anything. But that would take time away from Eddie obsessing over his one twu wuv, Bella, so. Can’t have that.

You know what, Emmett is genuinely trying to be nice and understanding to Eddie’s pain and worry. Its actually really sweet to see it. Of course, Eddie is a grade A dick, and does not care about the effort his brother is putting in for him.

 God, and Eddie is crawling into Bella’s window again. I really, really hate that, you know. Like, it’s one thing for the fucker to be obsessive and stalk her when she’s awake, but like... let her sleep dude. Just because you never have to sleep ever doesn’t mean you get to do whatever you want when other people are sleeping. Also, what was your plan gonna be if Bella had insomnia, or if she woke up for some reason in the night and you were just there? Of course, she would never catch you, for you are so wise and brilliant and shit. But like. Dude. Seriously.

So after he spends a few hours staring at Bella while she sleeps, he’s off, and goes out into the woods to follow her scent trail. Bella always compared Mike to a dog, but... idk Mike never pulled that shit. He just really feels the need to tell us that he wants to know literally everything that Bella does ever. It’s weird and creepy, dude. Just chill out. 

And this chapter just kinda... fizzles out. Like, it doesn’t conclude so much as it just... ends. Kind of abruptly. And this chapter was just... boring. Like, the ones before this were bad, but they were at least bad with some flavor. This chapter was like a stale triscut. 

Hope you enjoyed! As always, drop me a message or a DM if you wanna chat about this book or recommend one for my next recap series. You can buy me a snack using the CashApp tag in my bio! Love you all, thanks for reading!

#sierra recaps stuff #midnight sun #midnight sun spoilers #ms chapter 7

[seokjinchuriki]

baby, you is a vampire (5) | jjk

Pairing: Vampire!Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 1092

Genre: Fluff

Summary: you, reader, meet jeon jungkook on a fine summer’s day and wow, after a year of dating! you learn he’s a vampire! how dumb could you have been? WOW vampires are real!

Warnings: mentions of an arm getting possibly chewed off

a/n: this is a series of drabbles honestly keeping me afloat, please enjoy!

1 2 3 4 5 

—

You wanted a dog and Jungkook, being as whipped as he is, happily complied. Today, you were both at the shelter: you, immediately entranced by the cuteness of all the doggies, and Jungkook, indifferent.

Ever since you got Mr. Wrinkles, Jungkook has questioned your choice in pets and a dog will react to him way differently than a cat. Dogs can be aggressive and cats can be too, but Mr Wrinkles can barely fit anything in his mouth, but a dog could probably chew Jungkook's entire arm off.

Just because he's immortal doesn't mean dog bites don't hurt because they do and he knows it all too well.

Jungkook, 84 years old.

It was a routine hunt, looking for the most vulnerable victim he could find and he did, but guess what?! They had a fucking dog and that dog chased Jungkook around forever and by the force of God, that dog leapt and latched on for a good while. He's surprised the owner of this damned demon dog hadn't woken up. Jungkook use to love dogs, but now? He believes they're out to hunt the immortal and undead.

But, his love for you trumped any beef he had with dogs. While it may have been a long while ago, he can still remember the canine latched on, all of the gross slobber, and he could've sworn that dog had red eyes, a damn demon dog.

Anyway! You were too occupied to notice Jungkook thinking, which was always noticeable, his thinking face looked like a face of constipation- A face he weirdly makes look cute, but that's his charm.

After walking past each dog and telling Jungkook they aren't for you, but you'd adopt every single one of them if you could, you finally came across the one. The dog you connected with!

His name was Jon Snow and he was absolutely adorable! The most adorable pup (yes, he's an older dog but all dogs are puppies to you!) in the world: a sweet, sweet husky with the whitest fur and brown eyes. You've found your dog and Jungkook has found his match.

You were enthralled, immediately in love, and so was the dog: with you. However, once he glanced at Jungkook he let out the loudest bark as a signal for the vampire to walk away from this beloved human.

Jungkook was shocked! Why did all the animals who loved you hate him? They must be jealous, he thought.

"Kook! We have to get him! He's the most... adorable, most precious thing I've ever seen," you were so excited, you know those anime scenes? The ones where the character's eyes are wide and heart shaped, yeah, if that were possible on the mortal plane, that would definitely be you right now.

The lady who was showing you around let Jon Snow out of his pen and the dog was immediately showering you with love. Everything about this was cute. Jungkook had a love/hate relationship with dogs, but he could always appreciate how happy they made you.

—

You left the shelter with Jon Snow in tow and once you made it back to your cozy home, you were immediately showing your dog around and for some reason, it seemed like he understood. In a weird, wow, this dog can understand!

Jungkook was happy to see you so happy. He was also happy to see Mr. Wrinkles stare at the situation in horror. He was being replaced!

You loved everyone in this house the same, so why was anyone even tripping?

You had bought everything on the way back from the shelter and people might question you and ask, how do you have enough money to afford these things? You're a broke college student. Well, you don't have a lot of money, but Jungkook does, as old as he is, he has wealth that has grown with him: a token he's taken from each of his victims (which sounds bad, but who's gonna spend it anyway), you just thought he worked a lot over his years and he was glad that you were oblivious.

Not that you'd probably freak out on him, you're all about growth and change, and you know he's grown a lot from his bad vampire days.

Luckily for you, Jon Snow was already trained in most aspects and you were completely okay with him sleeping in the bed with you, he has a lot of hair, and you might be allergic, but that's nothing a couple of allergy meds can't fix. He probably knows better though, since Jungkook and Mr . Wrinkles will be there and they both enjoy cuddles, so there's not much of you to go around.

His big comfy cushion right beside the bed will suffice.

Jungkook loved you so much, he's risking getting his arm chewed off for you, it'll hurt while getting chewed off, but the part where he has no arm? Surprisingly won't hurt at all. The sewing the limb back on so his cells can regenerate doesn't hurt either.

Being a vampire is wayyyyy different than in the movies and books. Being immortal doesn't mean shit, but he's happy to be spending his life here with you.

You both were stupid dumb sometimes, but that's what made you the best couple around.

You loved Jungkook just as much as he loved you and despite being a human, who is clumsier than average, you'd probably risk your life for him too, even though he probably doesn't need you to... The man has got the strength you wouldn't believe.

Honestly, getting bitten by a dog hurts, but a stake into the body? It's just another Tuesday. Jungkook is a weird vampire and he was a weird human too... He's just weird in general.

He decided to get a WHOLE tattoo sleeve in the span of one day and the only person who was complaining was the tattoo artist, behind the wall to get a coworker, which Jungkook could hear through... because you know... super hearing that comes with vampirism.

The both of you were a mess, but together, you were unstoppable! In a sense, that you were in love. You could definitely be stopped cause you got noodle arms and the only thing you're good at is finding out the molarity of specific compounds- Wait, you're not even that great at that, you're great at being you. Jungkook is honestly great at everything, among his friends he's the golden one and possesses a huge amount of strength, even for a vampire.

—

a/n: this one is a bit different, but yay! you and jungkookie got a dog.

#jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook #jeon jeongguk #jeongguk #boyfriend jeongguk #bts x reader #bts smut #vampire!jungkook #vampire!au #vampire!bts #kim taehyung #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #park jimin #jung hoseok #min yoongi #x reader #min yoongi x reader #kim seokjin x reader #jung hoseok x reader #park jimin x reader #kim namjoon x reader #kim taehyung x reader #taehyung x reader #jimin x reader #namjoon x reader #seokjin x reader #yoongi x reader #hoseok x reader #fluffy bts

[mxliv-oftheendless]

Let’s Fall in Love

Now I know what you’re all thinking: “But Livvie, you’re always so vocal about your opinion of Valentine’s Day and its inherent capitalism and societal pressure to be in a relationship and general stupidity! Why have you written a story for it?” Well, turns out when you have a soul, you can’t not get caught up in the romantic spirit somehow *shrugs*. This is by far the lamest, sappiest thing I have ever written in my entire life. It took me a while to finish writing because I did my French homework beforehand and my brain got fried (side note: learning a foreign language is exhausting). But I got it done, so yay me!

I’ve also written this because IT’S @cosmicrealmofkissteria ‘s BIRTHDAY! And since she wrote an epic story as a present for me, it’s only fair I do the same. Hope you enjoy, Shandi, and happy birthday!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The camera opens on Gene, who smiles and waves. “Hey there. If you’re watching this, this is the first video I’m making for my new flash drive, because I used up all the storage on my last one.”

From beyond the camera comes Paul’s voice calling, “Again!”

“Shut up, Paul. Anyway, you know the drill…”

“Who are you even talking to?” Paul’s voice comes again. Gene rolls his eyes and turns the camera around to Paul, who is sitting in a chair with his legs over the armrest and his laptop in his lap. “You keep saying you’re recording these for posterity, but… are you just talking to yourself and lying about it?”

“Shut up, Paul.”

“I’m just saying, man. I mean, I know why you do this. But from an outsider’s perspective, it’s kind of weird.”

“And from an outsider’s perspective, your obsession with stars is weird.”

Paul is silent for a moment, then nods. “Fair.”

He turns back to his laptop and Gene turns the camera back around. “Anyway, as I was saying. You know the drill. I’m Gene, I’m a co-owner of the awesome wine bar known as Cellar 82. I’m 33, and I am still single. But, oddly,” Gene shrugs, “I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about how sucky that is. I guess FRIENDS was wrong about that.”

“FRIENDS was wrong about a lot of stuff,” Paul’s voice comes again. “They tried to make us think Ross wasn’t a total loser.”

Gene nods. “That is true. Anyway, yeah. Still single. I’ve been on some blind dates with people my friends keep telling me are “just perfect for me!” but… nothing’s worked out. And that’s fine.

“Let’s see, what else… Paul finally got me to watch a bootleg of Phantom of the Opera.”

“It’s amazing, right?”

Gene shrugs, but is smirking slightly “Eh. The book was better.”

“… I know you’re trolling me, but I’m prepared to fight you on that.”

Gene laughs. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Seriously though, it was pretty good. At least it explains why Paul keeps dramatically reenacting it in the shower.” He looks to the side and laughs. “Paul just gave me the bird.

“Anyway… that’s all I can think of to say right now. So that does it for this video. Bye for now!” He waves. The camera screen goes black. 

--

The camera opens on Gene, who is smiling. “So get this: I met someone last night. I probably sound like a teenage girl, but it’s pretty exciting. His name’s Vinnie, he’s got long hair down to about here,” he gestures to just below his shoulders, “and green eyes. But… and don’t tell Paul I said this… they’re really nice-looking green eyes. And it gets even better: he’s an Egyptologist. I never thought I’d meet one in real life. He’s in the graduate program at the university. He was at the wine bar with his friends because he apparently just got back from a research trip to Egypt and they dragged him out to celebrate. You’d never tell he was in Egypt, though; he’s kind of pale. But a pretty kind of pale.

“We got to talking because he heard the rock music playing and asked if it was Deep Purple. I didn’t even think he would know who they were, but he did. He knows a lot of rock bands. We could have talked about it more, but he went off to be with his friends.”

Gene rubs the back of his neck. “Is it weird that I kind of want to see him again? I’ll cop to it; he’s not the type I would normally go for. But I liked talking to him. He has a nice laugh, too. I told him he and his friends could come back anytime, and he said he thought it was a nice place so they might. I hope he comes back…”

--

The camera opens on Gene again, who is lying on his stomach looking sadly at the camera. “It’s been two weeks now, and Vinnie hasn’t come back. And I haven’t seen him around, either. In other news, another blind date. This one was set up by Eric with one of his fellow librarians. She was nice enough… but the date was really awkward. I don’t think it’s gonna go anywhere… as usual.”

Gene sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “I dunno what’s wrong with me, but I can’t stop thinking about him. Vinnie, I mean. Do you think he liked me? People say I’m kind of unapproachable… but he didn’t seem to mind, or have any problem talking to me. I just want to see him again, and maybe then I can finally work up the balls to ask him out.

“But then there’s… well, this, to think about. What if, if I ever see him again, it goes somewhere, and I show him I do this, and he gets weirded out by it? It’s not like what Paul said before is a lie—people who don’t know what this is to me think this is weird. But maybe… maybe I can cross that bridge when I get there—if I even get there at all. I haven’t even seen him again yet.

“Well… here’s hoping I see him again. Anyway, as for the rest of my life…” He shrugs. “Same old shit. Bar’s still getting good reviews… but it’s had good reviews since we opened, so that’s not new. No new episodes from Buzzfeed Unsolved yet. Rick and Morty… still a wild show. It’s gotten even wilder if possible. But I can make a separate video about that. And, uh… that’s pretty much it. So I guess I’ll sign off for the night. This is Gene Simmons, signing off.”

--

The camera opens on Gene, who looks giddy. “You’ll never guess what happened: scientists proved ghosts are real.

“No, I’m just kidding. I wish, but anyway… Vinnie came back! Turns out he and his friends do a tri-weekly Guys Night Out, and they’re really serious about it. They would even FaceTime Vinnie while he was in Egypt. They liked the wine bar so much they decided to come back for their next one.

“So I got to talk to Vinnie again—he remembered my name, can you believe that?—and like I said I would, I worked up the guts to ask him out. And he said yes! I’m gonna pick him up from his loft—he and his friends live together—and take him out to this coffee place down the block from the wine bar.” Gene holds up crossed fingers. “Here’s hoping it goes well.”

--

We see Gene, who is lying on his stomach and looking happily at the camera. “So I just got back from my date with Vinnie. I suppose you’re wondering how it went, huh? Well…” He slowly bows his head…

… then looks back up at the camera with a big smile. “It went really well! We talked about our favorite bands, and Vinnie’s job… you should’ve seen his face when he was talking about Egypt. He was so into it. Then he asked me how the wine bar got started, so I told him about how Paul and I decided to open it together. He thought it was really cool how we know so much about different wines.

“Actually, we were there for a pretty long time. I was hoping it would last an hour, at most. But as we’re getting up to leave, I look at my watch, and it’s been three hours! I’ve never had a date last that long, or one that seemed to go by that fast. We made plans to meet for dinner next week.” Gene checks his watch. “I should probably sign off for now. I told Tommy I’d take over his morning shift tomorrow.” He flashes the camera another smile. “Today’s been a good day. Can’t wait to see Vinnie again.”

--

Music is playing in the background. The camera has opened on Paul, who gives a smile and a peace sign. “Hey there, posterity. It’s me, ya boi. Check this out.”

He turns the camera around to reveal Gene moving around the kitchen area. Paul zooms the camera in on him. He looks to be in a very good mood as he pours cereal into a bowl, nodding his head along to the music. The camera turns back to Paul, who gives the camera a lost look and shrug. “He’s been like this all morning. He’s only had one cup of coffee so far. Oh, and you probably can’t hear it on the recording, but he’s humming. Actually humming along to the music. I’ve narrowed down the possibilities of what could’ve happened to him to two: either Trump’s been assassinated, or his date last night with Vinnie went really well. And since Trump’s unfortunately still alive and well, then that means it was his date with Vinnie. I just—” Paul stops and looks up. His eyes widen as a voice can be made out. “Oh my God…”

He turns the camera around and zooms in on Gene again. We can now hear Gene singing along to the music. “—fall in love/Our hearts are made of it/Let’s take a chance/Why be afraid of it…”

The camera turns back around to a shocked Paul. “He’s singing along now!” he whispers. “Oh my God… I’m so glad I decided to make a recording of this. This is a historic moment, people!”

“Paul, what are you doing?” Gene’s voice suddenly says, making Paul look up at him. “Is that Shannon? Paul, what are you doing with Shannon?”

“I’m documenting history, Gene. Also, I still say you could give your camera a better name than ‘Shannon’. Peter’s cats have better names than that.”

“Fuck you, Shannon’s a great name.”

“You could’ve named her Diane. Then at least more people would get the Twin Peaks reference.” Paul watches Gene for a moment, then sighs and turns back to the camera. “And he just flipped me off. Well, looks like the moment’s gone. But at least you got to see it for yourselves.” He glances up at Gene. “I should probably give Shannon back to him now before he tries to snatch it. So I guess bye for now, posterity!” He blows a kiss at the camera and turns it off.

--

Gene is sitting on his bed, leaning back against the headboard. He has a nervous look on his face. “Hey there. So, um… I did something kind of impulsive today, and… everything was fine, but…” he sighs and runs his hand over his face. “I don’t know. I guess I should give some background first.

“So as you probably know, I’ve been dating Vinnie for nearly three months now. Given how he’s a part-time research assistant and working his way through grad school, that probably isn’t that impressive. He keeps apologizing for having to decline going out together, but it’s fine, I get it. Tommy and Ace were like that when Ace was working on his astronomy PhD. So I get it. But the thing is… Vinnie actually works to make time for going out with me. Like, he’ll message me things like…” The camera shakes as Gene fumbles for his phone and opens it. “Like this: I can ask Lita if I can leave early on Thursday. It’ll be short notice, but she probably won’t mind. And I just…” Gene runs a hand through his hair. “No one I’ve ever had a long-term relationship with has ever done that for me before. They would always say things like, Oh, sorry, I can’t, I have Such-n-Such at seven. I remember my high school girlfriend said one time that she couldn’t go out because she had StuGo till five. And I said, ‘well, how about afterwards?’ And she got all snippy and said ‘no, cuz I have to do my homework when I get home.’ Actually she was also the one that dumped me for that blond fuck Vince… Anyway, point is, no girlfriend or boyfriend I’ve ever had has ever done that. It was either they could or they couldn’t. Except Vinnie…

“But I digress. Anyway, Vinnie and I’ve been dating for almost three months, and whenever I do see him…” Gene sighs and smiles a little. “It’s great. We haven’t just gone out to restaurants; we’ve gone to the movies, I went over to his and his friends’ loft once and he comes over here…” Gene smirks a bit. “I’m happy to report I still got it in the boudoir. His friends seem to like me, and Paul likes Vinnie. It’s been… pretty amazing. I really like him. He’s really smart, even if he knows next to nothing about horror movies, he’s got good music tastes, he’s funny, his laugh is… like music to my ears, and he’s incredibly attractive. Actually, he’s sort of insecure about how he looks—can you believe that? I don’t give a damn that he looks kind of feminine, he’s beautiful. And whenever I’m with him, I just think, how can someone this amazing exist? And want to spend his time with me? I just… fuck, am I digressing again? Sorry.

“Anyways, to get back to what I started this with… I told him about this. About Shannon and my video diaries. I didn’t tell him why, because… well, I kinda chickened out of that. He was curious about it—apparently, he’s never met someone who makes video diaries. So I told him about when I first got started making them, and went on from there. And the whole time he never looked put off or weirded out by it—he just looked really interested. And I guess that’s what made me say what I asked next: I asked if he wanted to be in one.”

Gene presses his mouth into a line. “Yeah… I didn’t realize what I said until after I said it. He just stared at me for a second, I think I took him by surprise. I was sure he was going to say no. But then… then he said sure, if I felt okay about him being in it. He’s coming over tomorrow.

“I definitely feel like I should be more excited than I actually am. This… well, you know how much this stuff means to me. I’ve never shared this with any of the other people I’ve dated. This is my own personal thing. But Vinnie… it just sort of slipped out. Does that mean something?”

Gene sighs and runs his hand through his hair again. “God, what am I doing… I’m psyching myself out again. It’s probably not going to be as bad as I’m worrying it’ll be. He didn’t seem to judge me when I was telling him about it, so he probably won’t judge me tomorrow. He’s not like that; he’s better than that.” Gene slowly smiles. “Yeah… Yeah, I think it’ll be fine. Paul’s gonna be home tomorrow too, and he gets it. Yeah, it’ll all be fine.

“Well, I guess I’ll sign off for now and go to bed. Stay tuned tomorrow for when you finally meet this Vinnie I’ve told you so much about.”

--

The camera opens on a black shirt, then rustles and is lifted up. Vinnie is sitting on the couch, looking at the camera. “Is this fine?” he asks.

“It’s perfect,” Gene replies from behind the camera.

“Okay… So, what should I do?”

“How about… your name, your age, your job, your favorite band, and one fun fact about yourself.”

Vinnie laughs. “Okay.” He smiles and waves at the camera. “Hi! I’m Vinnie, I’m 30, I’m an Egyptologist and work as a research assistant, my favorite band is…” he laughs nervously, “I don’t know, there are so many good ones…”

“You don’t have to say one if you can’t think of one,”

“Okay. I have a lot of favorite bands. And a fun fact about me is…”

“You’re short,”

Vinnie scoffs at Gene. “Well, we can’t all be over six feet tall. Here’s a fun fact about me: I like Star Trek more than Star Wars.”

“Take that back,”

Vinnie smirks at him. “Why don’t you make me?”

“You’re kidding, I know you’re kidding,”

Vinnie laughs. “Okay, okay, I’m kidding. A true fun fact about me is… I’ve seen every season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” The scene is quiet. He looks at Gene behind the camera. “I’m serious.”

“… You’re actually serious?” The camera zooms in on Vinnie’s face. “You need to explain. Now. Because I’m sorry, but if you’re a fan of the Kardashians I may have to question our relationships.”

Vinnie laughs. “Don’t worry, Genie, I’m not a fan of the Kardashians. Never in a million years.”

“Thank God. But you still have to explain.”

“Okay, fine. What happened was, Mark and I had a bet where the loser had to binge watch all the seasons of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, and I lost. I spent the next two and a half weeks watching every episode whenever I had free time, and they’re two and a half weeks of my life I’ll never get back.”

“How was it?”

“If you think watching their drama every week is bad enough, try watching all of their drama at once.”

Gene winces. “That sounds horrible,”

Vinnie nods. “Like I said, two and a half weeks of my life I’ll never get back.”

“Ugh, did I just hear Keeping Up With the Kardashians?” Paul’s disgusted-sounding voice comes from in the background. “I’m sorry, but if you’re gonna be talking about that crap, you’re gonna have to leave.”

“Shut up, Paul,” Gene replies. “He’s not a fan.”

“I had a bet with Mark and lost, and so had to binge watch the whole show,” Vinnie explains.

“And?”

“Absolutely hated it,”

Paul’s voice sounds satisfied. “Good. Gene, you better not lose this one; he’s a keeper.”

Vinnie laughs, while Gene’s voice is embarrassed. “Don’t you have a Phantom of the Opera number to reenact?”

“It’s fine,” Vinnie laughs. “I don’t mind.”

“You say that now, but after you spend some more time around him, that may change,”

Vinnie shrugs. “I doubt it; I do live with Mark and Dana, after all.” He gives Gene a cheeky smile. “Am I a keeper, Genie?”

“Welllll…” the camera zooms in on Vinnie’s face, while he tries not to laugh. Then it zooms back out again. “Yeah. You’re a keeper, alright.”

Vinnie smiles. “Thank you. So are you.” The camera feed is silent for a beat. “So… should I say goodbye, or…”

“Oh! Oh yeah, uh, yeah, you should.”

“Okay.” Vinnie grins at the camera and waves. “Well, it was nice to meet Shannon. She’s a very nice lady, very efficient. Once again, I’m Vinnie. Bye!”

--

The camera opens on Gene. He is lying on his stomach on his bed, and gazes sadly at the camera. “Hi. It’s Gene. And… my life’s been a mess the past few days. Vinnie and I… well, we’re not talking. We haven’t even texted, except for…” Gene’s eyes blink rapidly, “for just now. Um, I should probably start at the beginning, huh?

“So, Vinnie’s video diary was about a month ago. And since then we got… more serious. He was—been—fuck, I don’t fucking know grammar anymore, my life’s such a mess. He’s been coming over a lot more. We made dinner together once. We watched movies, and… all that. It was great. And after he seemed to be totally fine with me making video diaries, I started making more videos with him in it. And at first it was fine—he just laughed and went along with it. But after a while…” Gene sighs and runs a hand over his face. “Fuck, I didn’t even realize this until I thought back… After a while, he started getting… less fine with it. I think—no, he was definitely more annoyed than he let on. But I never noticed; I was just so happy that he didn’t think I was weird for doing it. I-I should’ve paid more attention…

“Um, anyway, that brings me to… to a few days ago. Vinnie came over to watch… what was it? It was… I don’t even remember. Not that it matters. He came over to watch a movie, and I… he looked so handsome and I couldn’t help myself and… and pulled out Shannon while he was making popcorn. When he saw Shannon, he sighed heavily, like a really frustrated sigh, and asked if I could turn it off. And that’s what got my attention: he’s always been careful to call Shannon “her”, and this time he called her “it.” So I was kind of caught off guard, so I turned her off and asked what was wrong. And… it took him a few seconds to answer, but… he really didn’t have to in the end. He was trying to give me an excuse other than the truth.

“He… He asked me why I’m always pulling Shannon out and making videos, even when I don’t have to. I told him it was for posterity, like I usually do. But that… that, um, wasn’t enough for him. He said I should try to spend time away from making video diaries for a while, and unplug. That’s the word he used: unplug. And…” he sighs heavily. “Does it even matter what I said to that? It doesn’t seem like it matters much now; the ending’s still the same. I got kind of put off by what he was saying, he got more annoyed at me, which got me more frustrated at him, and… well, one thing led to another, and… and eventually we were just shouting at each other. We were yelling back and forth, and—and throwing insults at each other… until finally he just stormed out.

“And… And that’s it. I haven’t talked to him since. Haven’t gone to try and see him when he’s working, haven’t called him… I only worked up the balls to text him an apology a few hours ago.” He laughs humorlessly. “Can you believe that? I apologized over text instead of in person… how pathetic is that? No wonder he took two hours to respond… I was sure he wouldn’t even respond at all, even though at the same time I was checking my phone every five minutes. Then when he did respond, all he said was…” Gene swallows roughly. “It just said, I don’t want to talk right now. That’s it. Nothing else.”

Gene sighs and runs his hand across his face and through his hair. “I can’t believe it. Four months of everything going amazing and I fucked it all up because I’m too emotionally attached to my camera. Fuck, I wonder what Dr. Aucoin would say if he could see me right now… this probably wasn’t what he was thinking of when he suggested I start making these. I took it too far… This is my fault. I can’t believe Vinnie didn’t get annoyed sooner. He’s too patient…” Gene gives a wet laugh. “Goddammit, Vinnie’s amazing. He’s a treasure. I don’t care about all the stuff about him I get bothered with. I don’t care that he’s such a perfectionist. He’s too good for me… He has been from the moment I met him. And now he might want to break up with me over this… and he would be totally justified in wanting that.

“Well, you heard it right here. Once again I manage to fuck up everything, only this time I managed to fuck up the best thing that’s ever happened to me in years… maybe my entire life. I, um, don’t know when the next time I make one of these will be. It might actually be never this time. So, if this really is my last video diary…” he shrugs sadly. “I’m sorry. I wish I could end things on a lighter note, but… guess I can’t. So…” he waves despondently at the camera. “Possibly for the last time ever… this is Gene Simmons, signing off.”

The screen goes black.

--

The camera opens on Vinnie, who is staring sadly at it. He looks like he’s been crying. “Hi, it’s… it’s Vinnie. Um… you probably know what’s been happening… and it’s my fault. I could never understand why Gene’s always making these video diaries, always documenting everything… but now I know. Paul gave me all the flash drives, all the videos he’s ever made, and I watched them all. I…” He sniffs and wipes his eyes. “I feel so horrible. This is all my fault. I… I had no idea. I’m so sorry… I-I wish I could tell him how sorry I am. But I’m… I’m scared. What if he doesn’t forgive me? If I were him, I wouldn’t forgive me. But I want him to forgive me. At the very least I want him to know how sorry I am, and how ashamed of myself I am. Gene is… he’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met. He’s sweet, he’s funny, and he makes me…” Vinnie is getting closer to tears now “he makes me so happy. I… I think I—”

“Vinnie?” Gene’s voice is suddenly heard from off-camera. Vinnie jumps and whirls his head around to the side. “What are you doing?”

“I-I… I…”

Vinnie quickly fumbles with the camera, and the screen goes black.

--

The camera screen shakes for a couple seconds, until it is raised and focused on Gene. He’s lying in bed on his side, shirtless, and smiles. He speaks quietly. “Hey there. So, turns out that wasn’t my last video after all. Which… thank God. I missed getting my thoughts out to a cold, unfeeling camera lens.” He smiles wider and chuckles. “Not that Shannon’s cold and unfeeling. She’s a good listener. Which reminds me…”

Gene sits up and fumbles with the camera. He turns it around and aims it at his bed. Lying in bed asleep, also shirtless, is Vinnie. His body is turned towards Gene’s side of the bed. Gene keeps the camera on him for a couple seconds, then turns it back around to himself, smiling. “Yep. We talked, we talked a lot actually, but we talked everything out, told each other we were sorry and then that we forgave each other, and then…” He trails off and grins. “Well, I’m sure you can connect the dots yourself.

“It’s actually kind of funny how it started. Apparently, Paul got tired of seeing me moping for the past week and a half, and decided to, without telling me, tell Vinnie why exactly I make my video diaries. So he got all my flash drives together—and I mean every single one—he even made a copy of the videos on my current flash drive—went over to Vinnie’s loft, and gave them to him, telling him to watch them all. And… And he did. He was over here at our place because he was returning the flash drives, and while he was in my room he saw Shannon. And that’s when I walked in on him talking to Shannon and looking like he was going to cry. He, uh, he actually did cry. And then… we talked. He said he was sorry for everything he said, and for not realizing what these mean to me, and I said I’m sorry for how much I was aiming Shannon at his face.” Gene shrugs sheepishly, smiling. “I mean, I still feel bad, but can you blame me? He’s got a pretty face.”

A hand suddenly passes up his chest to wrap around his shoulders and the top of Vinnie’s head appears. His smile widens and he looks down. “Good morning to you.” He leans down to kiss the top of Vinnie’s head.

“Morning…” Vinnie sits up to lean his head on Gene’s shoulder and rubs his eyes. “Mmm… I woke up and you were talking to yourself…” He sees the camera, and smiles. “Oh.” He rests his head on Gene’s shoulder. “Good morning, Shannon. And… what’s the word you used?”

“Posterity?”

“That’s it. Good morning, posterity.” He smirks a bit. “It’s me, ya boi.”

Gene groans and rolls his eyes. “You got that from Paul, didn’t you?”

“It’s what he uses whenever he makes an appearance… I know he does it to annoy you, but I thought it was kind of funny.”

Gene smiles a bit. “It’s less annoying coming from you… You have a way with words.”

Vinnie looks up at him and smiles. “Well, thank you.” He leans up to kiss Gene’s cheek. Gene turns his head and kisses him full on the lips.

When they pull away Gene speaks. “I just thought of something,”

Vinnie puts his head back on Gene’s shoulder. “Mmm hmm?”

“You apologized to me… but you never apologized to Shannon.”

“I…” Vinnie looks up at him blankly. “What?”

Gene nods his head at the camera. “Shannon. You never apologized to Shannon. You called her an it, Vinnie. She’s had a pretty hard time coming back from that, especially after how you were so nice to her before.”

Vinnie glances at the camera. He’s smiling slightly, but there’s also some guilt on his face. “I did do that…”

“Yeah. Plus you didn’t even thank her for letting you record yourself yesterday.” Gene says all of this in a very serious voice. “So? Does she not deserve an apology?”

“Yes, she does.” Vinnie turns to look apologetically at the camera. “I’m sorry I called you an it, Shannon. I was annoyed at how much I saw you; that was rude and wrong of me. And thank you for letting me record myself yesterday.” He looks up at Gene. “Does she accept my apology?”

Gene leans in off to the side to look at the camera, then leans back smiling. “She forgives you,”

Vinnie smiles happily. “Thank you, Shannon. You’re a special lady. Also,” his smile turns suggestive as he glances up at Gene, “I had no idea your user was that good. Last night was fucking amazing.”

Gene’s smile widens. “I should be surprised at hearing you swear… but I heard enough of that last night.”

Laughing, Vinnie waggles his eyebrows at the camera. “What can I say? I forgot my manners.”

“Also, I’m not sure if I ever mentioned this before, but Vinnie has an ankh tattoo.”

“Mmm hmm,” Vinnie nods proudly. “I got it in Alexandria. It’s about as big as my hand, and it’s black, but I regret nothing.”

“Wanna show them where it is?”

Vinnie laughs. “No thanks.” He winks at the camera. “Sorry, but only Gene will ever know that.” He sits up a bit and smiles suggestively at Gene. “Want to see it again?”

Gene grins back. “I’d love to. Just gimme a sec.” He fumbles with the camera and turns it off.

--

When the camera is turned on, with Paul holding it, we see the interior of Cellar 82. It is crowded with people, and voices and music fill the background. “Hey, posterity,” Paul says, raising his voice so he can be heard. “It’s me, ya boi. I’m borrowing Shannon, but Gene probably won’t mind.” He turns the camera away from him and moves it to pan around the room. “So as you can see, we’ve got a full house here in Cellar 82 tonight. Why, you ask? Well…”

He moves the camera and zooms it in on Tommy and Ace, who are dancing together in the middle of a makeshift dance floor. He zooms out and turns the camera back to himself. “Ace finally proposed to Tommy. They took things seriously slow while he was working on his PhD, moved in together after he got it, and to celebrate being ten years sober, Ace finally decided to pop the question. About fuckin’ time, if you ask me.

“But while Ace and Tommy are great together, they’re not why I’m borrowing Shannon.” Paul grins wickedly at the camera. “Gimme a few seconds, and I’ll show you the real reason why.”

He turns the camera away from him and starts to move through the crowd of people. Eventually he comes to a corner that is a bit more private, and zooms in on the people sitting at the table. It is Gene and Vinnie; Vinnie is in Gene’s lap and they’re in the middle of making out. The camera turns back around to a smirking Paul. “Yep, that’s why. Gene sometimes forgets personal space is a thing when he’s had enough to drink, and you didn’t hear it from me but apparently Vinnie gets a little loose when he’s had enough wine. And when you put ‘em together… you get this.” He turns the camera back to the couple, who are still making out. “Hey, lovebirds!”

At his shout, Gene’s eyes turn in his direction, then widen. He turns his head fully around. “Paul, what the hell are you doing?” he shouts. Meanwhile Vinnie looks up, sees the camera, and hides his face in Gene’s shoulder.

“Smile, you’ve been recorded for posterity!” Paul replies gaily.

Gene gently pushes Vinnie, who nods and gets off his lap. As soon as he is off, Gene bolts to his feet and starts to advance on Paul. “I’m gonna kill you, Paul!”

“But Gene, I’ve got Shannon! You wouldn’t hurt our lovely gal Shannon, would you?”

“Shannon? Never. You? You better fucking run.”

The camera shakes violently as Paul turns and runs, laughing.

--

Gene is sitting at the kitchen table, wearing a red button-up shirt and a black blazer. “Hi. I’m about to head out to go pick up Vinnie and take him out to dinner. We’ve officially been together for one year… which I know because I have the day marked in my calendar. So I decided to take him out to a nice place. He doesn’t even know what’s going to happen; all I told him was to dress nice.”

Gene runs his hand over his hair. “I’m also planning on doing something else today. I’ve thought about it for a long time now, I think ever since we made up after that argument we had… and I’m pretty sure of it now. I’m in love with Vinnie. And after we come back here from dinner, I’m going to tell him.

“Y’know what’s funny? When I first thought that I might be in love… I would’ve been less scared if Jason Vorhees burst through my window. Because I’ve never been in love before. I love Paul, but not like that—never in a thousand years like that. And for all my other past relationships, I thought in the moment it was love, but then when it was over I realized it was just a really strong attraction. But this… I’ve thought about it for months, and I know it’s actually love.

“I’m gonna tell him tonight. Despite worrying that he doesn’t love me back, I’m still gonna do it. I just wanted to get my thoughts out before I left. Which,” Gene glances up at the clock, “I should probably leave now.” He smiles hopefully and holds up crossed fingers. “Wish me luck!”

--

The camera is aimed at the bed, then shakes as it is lifted up and turned around to reveal Vinnie. He smiles. “Hi,” he says quietly. “I woke up first and decided to borrow Shannon for a second. I’ll be quick; I just wanted to say something. But first…”

He turns the camera around and aims it at Gene, who is lying in bed on his side, still asleep. “I could get used to waking up to this,” Vinnie’s voice is soft and affectionate. He turns the camera back around. “I’m sure Genie’s already said something about it, but last night marked us being boyfriends for a year. Gene took me out to a nice dinner, then we came back here. And then…” Vinnie turns from the camera to look down at Gene, then smiles and turns back. “Gene said he loved me.” He laughs. “I still can’t believe it. He’s really in love with me.

“I didn’t say it then, because… well, I wasn’t sure enough of myself to feel confident enough to say it. But I am now. I love him too. And I’m going to tell him right now.”

And with that, he turns off the camera.

--

When the camera turns on, Gene’s shirt is the only thing in frame. He adjusts something, then moves backward to sit next to Vinnie. They are surrounded by stacks of boxes. Gene smiles and waves, while Vinnie follows suit. “If you’re watching this, this is the first video being recorded in our new apartment.”

Vinnie grins happily. “We moved in together!”

“We’ve been together for two years now, almost three, and we decided we were tired of not seeing more of each other.” Gene grins at the camera. “So, now we’ll be seeing each other all the time.” He turns to Vinnie. “Seriously though, I should probably take the time to apologize in advance.”

“For what?”

“Y’know… anything I do that bothers you or makes you uncomfortable. Paul told me one time that I snore.”

“Well, I’ve slept right next to you hundreds of times, and you’ve never snored.”

“You’re kind of a deep sleeper, though,”

“I guess that’s fair,”

“But anyway… sorry in advance.”

Vinnie smiles and shakes his head at him. “Okay. I forgive you in advance. I guess I should say sorry in advance for anything I do that bothers you.”

Gene smiles back. “I forgive you in advance.” He kisses Vinnie. The kiss slowly becomes deeper, until Vinnie falls back onto the floor with Gene on top of him.

“Mmph… Gene, the camera.”

“Right.” Gene gets up and moves to turn it off.

--

The camera turns on, and we see the interior of Cellar 82. The camera is pointed at Gene and Vinnie, who are sitting at a table.

“I’m sorry, I know I probably shouldn’t talk,” Paul’s quiet voice comes from behind the camera, “but I’m too excited! Today marks Gene and Vinnie being together for four years, and tonight’s the night Gene decided to do something very special.”

After a few moments, Paul gasps and zooms in on Gene’s hand as it reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a small black box. Gene seems to grip it tightly for a second. The camera zooms out to have both men in frame as Gene speaks. The words are inaudible on the recording. Then Gene opens the box, places it on the table, and pushes it towards Vinnie.

Vinnie’s mouth drops open and he covers his mouth. Then he slowly nods his head. He lowers his hands to reveal a blooming smile, and his reply of “Yes!” can be faintly heard. Gene stands and goes around to Vinnie’s chair, picks up the box to take out the ring, and slides it onto Vinnie’s finger. Vinnie jumps up and they kiss passionately.

--

The camera opens on a wall of a bedroom, then is turned around to be on Gene. He grins at the camera and speaks in a quiet voice. “If you’re watching this, you’ve found the one video of my honeymoon I’m doing. The next two weeks are going to be completely radio silence. And to be honest? I’ve never been more excited.”

The camera is turned around to the bed, and zooms in on a sleeping Vinnie. “There he is—the one I’m gonna spend my life with, and the one who somehow wants to spend his life with me.” The camera zooms out and turns back to Gene. “Is it normal when you’re married to still wonder how the hell your partner puts up with you?” He shrugs. “Guess I’ll find out.” The camera turns back to Vinnie and zooms in on him. “Look at him; beautiful. He was the first one to fall asleep after last night.” His voice turns proud. “Not to brag, but I kind of outdid myself last night. I’m kind of surprised no one heard him.”

As he speaks, Vinnie shifts in bed and slowly opens his eyes. He lifts a hand and rubs them, then turns to blink blearily at the camera. “Mm, Gene… what are you doing?”

“Showing the world my beautiful husband,”

“I thought you said you weren’t going to bring Shannon along,”

“Don’t worry, this is the only video I’m taking,”

“Mmm… okay.” Vinnie rubs his eyes and props himself up.

The camera zooms in closer. “Vinniiiiiie…”

Vinnie looks at the camera, smiling amusedly. “Yes, Gene?”

“Got anything you wanna say to Shannon?”

“Shannon, you’re a lovely woman, but Gene’s legally mine now. If you could stop trying to steal him from me, that would be great.”

“Very funny. I meant something like saying hi. For posterity.”

“Okay, okay,” Vinnie smiles at the camera and waves. “Hello, it’s me, Vinnie. As of two days ago, I got married to the beautiful man behind the camera…” Vinnie laughs. “Who is now blushing.”

“Shut up,”

Vinnie laughs. “Well, assuming Gene keeps his promise, this is the only video being taken during our honeymoon, so… enjoy it.”

“Well said,”

“Thank you,”

“How’s the bed?”

Vinnie shifts. “Mm… comfy. Really comfy.”

“It is pretty comfy,”

Vinnie grins at Gene beyond the camera. “It’d be perfect if a certain someone would put Shannon away and come back to bed.” He bats his eyelashes. “Please?”

Gene sounds like he’s grinning. “Well, since you asked so nicely…”

The screen goes black.

#ladies gentlemen and nonbinaries: behold the sappiest fucking thing I have ever written ever #and also one of the longest things I've written #not THE longest but still pretty long #bc as usual for me when I have a good idea I get carried away with it lol #also why paul and gene are co-owners of a wine bar I have no idea #that's just the idea I had #but yeah anyway #hope you enjoyed this lame thing #happy birthday Shandi! #kiss fanfiction #demonankh #kiss au writing #my writing #thanks for reading! #k now i'm gonna go eat something lol

[relationshipsandpolitics]

I suppose it’s worthwhile to share who I’m supporting in the upcoming Democratic Primary for President. After all, what better way to make people who mostly agree with me to suddenly hate me than to stan for some deeply flawed elected official or deeply flawed Andrew Yang?

But before I get into narrowing down the field, I want to briefly mention something I’m going to talk about in more depth later: electability.  It’s not entirely unimportant to use this unquantifiable metric when picking a candidate.  I would just caution against it, and I’m not going to use it in mine.  Simply put, I think this election is a referendum on Trump, and there will be enough wiggle room in the electorate to support a candidate who objectively would do worse against Trump and win than the best candidate. Candidate A might beat him by 10 points, but Candidate Z will still beat him and carry the down-ticket races, too. You might as well just vote for the candidate you believe in.  A crazy concept, I know.

For the record, I’d willingly vote for any Democratic candidate over Donald Trump.  I just want to get that out of the way.  People feel the need to caveat their choice in this way, as though anyone is really arguing otherwise.   There is some truth that in 2016, Bernie voters switched to Trump at rates that helped tip the election to the Republican.  But it’s also true that more Hillary Clinton voters in 2008 switched to McCain than Bernie voters switched to Trump in 2016.  The fact is it is incredibly common for supporters of a primary candidate to wind up voting for the opposition party’s nominee. These are often called swing voters or independents.  They sometimes gravitate to a candidate simply because of that candidate and not because of party or policy.   We need to stop with this type of criticism of supporters who don’t support your preferred candidate.

Personally, I’m still voting Democrat no matter who is the nominee. But I’d be very unhappy to vote for a lot of these candidates.  

Here is the list of current candidates in an order that means nothing, but one might think has a hidden meaning:

Joe Biden, Elizabeth Warren, Corey Booker, Bernie Sanders, Julian Castro, Beto O’ Rourke, Tulsi Gabbard, Kamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar, Steve Bullock, Michael Bennet, Joe Sestak, Wayne Messam, John Delaney, Tom Steyer, Andrew Yang, Marianne Williamson, Pete Buttigieg

Let’s begin by just lopping off a bunch of these names who even I have barely heard of and have less than zero chance of being the nominee.  Keep in mind that some candidates I’m keeping on, I only do so because I wish to make fun of them.  Otherwise they would fully belong in this category of early dismissals. Here’s the new list:

Joe Biden, Elizabeth Warren, Corey Booker, Bernie Sanders, Julian Castro, Beto O’ Rourke, Tulsi Gabbard, Kamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar, John Delaney, Tom Steyer, Andrew Yang, Marianne Williamson, Pete Buttigieg

 That was fun.  Ok, let’s get into it.  When judging who my savior will be, I consider a multitude of categories.  But the first category I consider is one that won’t personally affect me at all.  I want to know if any of the candidates’ position will grossly discriminate against traditionally-disadvantaged groups.  As a straight white male, I have the benefit of not being directly impacted by even the worst Republican social policies.  All I really need to care about is taxes and getting more vacation. That’s my privilege.  But it’s also what’s so fucked up about Americans as a people.  We are entirely out for ourselves, and this is most evident in how we vote.  We need to look out for everyone, especially groups that regularly see their most basic rights challenged.  I think this is the first bar any candidate must overcome.

So any candidate that supports restricting women’s reproductive rights, supports policies that make it easier to be fired for being LGTQ, or supports banning Muslims from entering this country is gone.  Now, most of the candidates have said some questionable thins in the past.  Bernie Sanders wrote a weird column about sexual assault, Joe Biden pushed a shitty crime bill that disproportionately hurt African-Americans and was down with segregated busing, and I’m pretty sure Marianne Williamson’s only black friend is Oprah (but she’ll definitely mention it all the time).  But when it comes to actual policy, I honestly don’t believe any of the candidates running will actively seek to harm minority groups. Except Tulsi Gabbard, who has a history of saying some anti-gay shit.  I’m not trying to wade into this whole Hillary Clinton/Russia/Third-Party run controversy involving Gabbard, so I’m going to cut her off now because I don’t think she has the backs of the LGBTQ community, but I really don’t want to write about her.

Joe Biden, Elizabeth Warren, Corey Booker, Bernie Sanders, Julian Castro, Beto O’ Rourke,  Kamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar, John Delaney, Tom Steyer, Andre Yang, Marianne Williamson, Pete Buttigieg

The next crucial category is competence.  Do these candidates have the basic competence and intelligence needed to be president? It doesn’t matter if they have strong policy proposals or are skilled orators. Can they do the job?  As we can see with Trump, a complete lack of experience as a legislator, coupled with a complete lack of intelligence and basic human decency make for a bad time.  In fact, never holding elected office alone is a disqualifier for me and it should be for everyone. Based on these criteria, the following candidates get the axe:

Andrew Yang - Yang is the type of candidate who randomly makes news for a common-sense plan and gets you thinking that maybe this outsider is what we need.  Then you learn he’s a Silicon Valley tech bro supported by other tech bros and pseudo-libertarian types and he never held public office but now thinks he can be president. That is the most damning critique.  This man knows literally nothing about government and how to govern/legislate. Instead of running for city council or the school board like a normal person, he decides to run for fucking president like an ego-maniacal psycho.   In other words, fuck Andrew Yang and his supporters.  Here’s a good article on why he sucks.   And here’s another.

Marianne Williamson – Candidate moonbeam had her moment in the sun during one debate where she had a couple decent soundbites.  She’s also batshit crazy, believes in anti-vax and anti-science ideas, and is friends with similarly-out of touch rich celebrities and SoCal types.  Never trust anyone who self-identifies and makes a living as a spiritual guru. Some of the worst people in the world are rich white women from Los Angeles who are really into spirituality and New Age medicines. They are the type of liberals who post online about how much they support gay people and the environment, but god forbid they want to put affordable housing in their neighborhood. Every positive thing they do for society is clouded in narcissism.  It’s an attempt to absolve themselves of their wealth with vacuous good deeds that don’t require any actual sacrifice.  People like Williamson protest polluting the oceans because they enjoy their Malibu beaches, and then happily get in their Range Rover to go to the movies down the street.  Williamson simply adds a layer of bullshit with her spiritualism.  If having a personal shaman is a status symbol; being the personal shaman to Oprah is the ultimate status symbol.  Like Yang, Williamson is an egomaniac as only someone from California can be, and she thinks the presidency is her God-given right. Fuck having to actually learn about public service by serving your town first when you can name drop Oprah and Gwyneth and immediately raise enough money to get a national audience to spew your garbage.

Tom Steyer - I could go on about how out of touch his policies are, but no one should be forced to read more than two sentences about this guy.  He is a hedge fund billionaire who doesn’t want everyone to have health insurance and thinks being rich makes him qualified to be president.

Joe Biden, Elizabeth Warren, Corey Booker, Bernie Sanders, Julian Castro, Beto O’ Rourke, TKamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar,  John Delaney, Pete Buttigieg

Alright, let’s pause and congratulate ourselves for easily dismissing half the field. Yay for us!  This will mark the end of part 1, aka Super Fun Party Time #1.   Part 2 will be up shortly, I hope, as we start discussing the serious contenders.  Remember, my opinion matters more than anyone else’s so it’s extremely important you read this and ultimately vote the way I want you to vote.  

#politics #2020 election #everyone sucks #bernie sanders #joe biden #elizabeth warren #kamala harris #pete buttgieg #3corey boor #corey booker #marianne williamson #andrew yang #beto o'rourke #amy klobuchar #tulsi gabbard #some other schmucks

[tinkdw]

14x01: watching notes / mini meta

This episode is just like one long tick list of previous meta and I love it even if the actual ep itself was slightly bland with a few niggles, the thematics are so exciting for what it means for the show overall and the characters we love. Here’s my watching notes / mini meta short versions of the themes, (previous longer meta’s on each theme are linked with x or underlined sentences). Here we go!

I called the Angel wings, yay!

Opening song: shot down in flames by AC/DC. A song about unrequieted romantic feelings. Lmao. OK, good start...

- Dean screaming at Sam “all I see is everything we’ve lost” - cuts to just Cas dying. OK. Thanks for clarifying that meta from last year up for us Dabb ;)

- That freeze frame tho. Even shortened it’s still terrible. Stawp.

- Cut to Sam in the car, this is like the one with Rowena where it went from the opening song to her in the car and I love it, please do more. Oh, bonus if we can get one where Dean does it and he looks at the camera like he’s on the office and switches it from something rocky to, like, Miley Cyrus :p

- The point of the Jamil scene, whilst in itself it is divisive and has offended some viewers (and I do not condone that but I write meta so here is the meta), was clear re: Michael. Showing that Michael essentially is that asshole who doesn’t care how much you redeemed yourself and now are trying to do good but says you want selfish things and remembers that one time you did something wrong 8 years ago and won’t let you get past it. He also enjoys putting words in others’ mouths and judging them from above because he somehow thinks he is some all knowing, all judging clever clogs (and better than Gabriel, pfft he doesn’t even know our Gabriel but just assumes he’s better, ok then...). He’s a self absorbed, self assured, arrogant, genocidal, doesn’t give a shit about humanity wanker with a chip on his shoulder having inherited some power from his daddy he doesn’t know what to do with and has only shown so far that he can balls it up royally but somehow thinks this time, this time it'll work cos he’s oh so intelligent and right. Oh look, Michael is Trump.

- “A better world”. Well I’ve talked about that a lot previously, how this links to the other extreme end of the MoL, essentially we have the MoL at one end telling us the world can only be better if you remove anything supernatural and Michael at the other saying it can only be better if you remove anything natural. Longer meta on these and how they also link to John and the season 1 onwards black/white to grey area progression here: x and x  Dabb is really hammering home the grey area / balance themes in the middle for endgame and I love him for it.

- DEAD MANS BLOOD BULLETS what a great idea! I’ve not seen anyone comment on this yet but honestly, this is up there with salt hoolahoops and exorcisms saved on your phone ;)

- Sam “chief” Winchester. I’m living. I mean let the dude take a nap but the concept and symbolism of him as the leader, taking charge of the hunters and the bunker, Mary as his lieutenant, everyone looking up to him with respect because of what he has done and who he is rather than out of fear or duty... I can’t express just how much I love this and am grateful it’s as blatant as it is.

- Castiel gets kidnapped and used as “bait” (yes there’s like 5 layers of symbolism here and I hate/love it) and the whole thing with Sam telling them there’ll be no king of Hell goes down in Detroit. Yeah sure tell me Dabb doesn’t care about mirrors and previous canon references, parallels and subversions ;)

- I just can’t even with Sassy!Cas *rolls eyes* *uses “GOD” as a blatant blasphemy* is just so human, being so done when Kip makes his stupid OTT grand entrance whilst Cas is calmly sat in front of the fire pit and then tells him he’ll burn him to ash. YES MY SON.

- “Joined at the... (Dick)”. Yes Kip I get you, everyone does, literally everyone thinks they’re boning, cos duh, but you see they could actually have an ounce of happiness within the chaos if they weren’t so bloody miscommunicative and self hating that they haven’t even admitted their feelings let alone touched each other yet below the shoulder. But yes, please, do join the hoards of characters on the show who assume they are a couple. 

*Tink stares into the camera*

- The less said about Michael’s puny ass winged ‘twuform’ the better. Yes it looks like a pigeon with disproportionally tiny wings, yes it looks like Dean bent his halo (lolz) but aside from the humour there’s nothing good about this.

- Michael: Dean said yes for love. Ah yes. The power of love. I love to be reminded that this whole show’s premise since the pilot is love. Thanks Satan.

- Michael thinks Anael is everything Cas is. “The rebel, the Angel who doesn’t like playing by Heaven’s rules” I mean jeez, like a hammer to the face much! Well, Danneel said she did want to play Castiel so ;) x and x 

- Tbh I also got massive self reflection vibes here off the next part on performing!Dean and I just love how all this comes out of Dean’s own mouth, it’s just so symbolic. Every time Michael says something it seems to be a reflection on John or Dean or daddy issues of some sort.

Re: Performing!Dean: “You pretend to care about these things... pretty things, but that’s all it is, pretending. These trinkets, they don’t make you happy they just pass the time, they’re not what you really want”. *Tink stares at all of the meta on Performing!Dean repression by overcompensating, especially with sex to pass the time and try to alleviate his mood with women, especially since season 7, every time Cas is gone and he’s pining*.

- What do you really want? This basically works for both Dean and Cas (and Sam too to be fair but he’s not been mirrored previously so I’m going with the symbolism here being most relevant to Cas mirror Anael and Dean whose literally saying it through a veil): “love, to belong, to have a place a home a family... it’s very very human”.

- *Cough* blatant easy link and exposition of endgame Human!Cas and Nonperforming!Dean. *sends Dabb a giant fruit and donut basket*

- Cleary the theme of season 14 is “what do you want” just as season 13′s was “who are you”. Excellently linked themes.

- Sam is just going around all episode fixing other peoples issues and taking no time for himself, he needs a friend and a nap.

- Jack is actually not doing badly considering and I’m so happy they made him sad and angsty without being an annoying whiney teenager (I do have an issue with how Claire was made into this and am annoyed with the m/f difference but sigh, clearly they were trying to do something better with WS. Sigh again).

- I actually kinda loved the Sam / Nick scene. Since it was clear Mark P was coming back (literally why Satan) I made peace with it and expected Nick and I hope they continue with it as well as I think it started. Mark’s little gestures of itching and wincing really helped with the overall feel here so through gritted teeth I say kudos. Jared steals the show though at his own minute facial expressions and the deep meaning of this scene for him, I’m sure he enjoyed acting this immensely as he’s always cared a lot for the Sam/Lucifer storyline and it’s closure. Obviously it’s got implications for Michael!Dean so let’s see what happens. Sam was amazing obviously, man, I just... really hope Bucklemming don’t fuck this up as Nick’s likely their play thing. Fingers crossed, it’s off to a good start.

- If they really do follow through on this really cack-handed obvious “we can kill Michael by stabbing Dean and save Dean” story then I’ll be really fucking disappointed. This is lazy and too obvious, it also negates all the possibility for the Dean/John mirror from 2x01 with John angry at them for not killing him to kill Azazel and thus leading into Dean’s blatantly exposed self worth arc throughout the season while he struggles to feel worthy of being alive at the potential expense of the world, with his family telling him he does deserve to be saved (>...>). I mean... I just can’t really get my head around this not happening? Or it being so frankly badly written if it is? It feels more like a red herring to me, like, a giant red herring. If it doesn’t happen like this and they just stab Michael with the shittyretconblade then I’ll be shocked. Though I’ll be less shocked if it’s in the Bucklemming episode and I’ll attribute this to their shitty writing and Dabb really having zero fucking says in his own show anymore and the whole thing going downhill moving forwards. So either way it’s bad. So fingers, toes and everything crossed this isn’t what happens.

- The fact that Cas knew Sam would come save him gives me so many happy feels whereas I feel only a few seasons ago he would have said he’s not worth saving / why would Sam bother. He trusts Sam and he believes Sam loves him. Happy Tink.

- “He just told you he’s a demon?” “Yep”. I love Sassy! Sam.

- Bait. It’s kind of what you’re for isn’t it? I just... That was so hilariously triple, quadruple, whatever, entendre... bait for the audience, bait for the Winchesters, bait associated with fish as Castiel usually is, just, it made me laugh out loud and @bluestar86 looked at me like I’d gone nuts but I loved the cleverness of it. Though also fuck you Cas is more than bait ;) I mean Dabb knows that he loves Cas he’s being tongue in cheek but yeah, this made me chuckle big time.

- Michael has been to see Kip and it again hopefully will be a continuation of the theme of Michael being so black and white he turns grey people black or white. I’d love to see an opposite where his asking this question of what do you want actually makes someone choose to do the right thing.

- Mary “I have to think about the good Sam, because if I don’t I’ll just drown in the bad, for Dean’s sake I can’t do that, we can’t do that”. Wow. Mary ploughing on, seemingly cold to others until she’s probed, revealing her internal emotional struggle, forever threatening to overflow and the actual drive for her actions that in full circle are what makes her come across as uncaring. If this isn’t Mary’s whole arc since her resurrection in one sentence. If it ain’t also a massive TFW mirror. IN ONE SENTENCE. GOD I LOVE ANDREW DABB OK?!

- Bobby re-emphasising the family theme to Jack in the impala, reminiscent of Jack telling the Winchester’s they are his family in the impala last season.

- Equating Sam to Beyoncé for his glorious physique, hair and overall legend / icon status is just A. Brilliantly hilarious and reminding us how great Sam is but also B. So cool to give zero shits that Beyoncé is a woman and is just as capable of being a role model for a guy. Kudos Dabb. C. I just imagine Cas looking on like but I’m Beyoncé! ;)

- The fight scene is just too embarrassing, that knife flip between Mary and Sam is so 80’s bionic man and more wires like, my dudes, my guys, stawwwwwwp. I’m also annoyed tbh that Maggie is for some reason a young, relatively helpless and hapless girl rather than being an AU survivor and hunter. Like, why even bring her from the off no questions asked while questioning Jack, if she’s so helpless she’s hiding and gormless to the point Mary had to actually ask her if she knows how to stab someone. This is weird and I hope they’re going to show her developing cos urgh. wtf.

- Cas is “still breathing” after fighting like a human and being all bloodied up like a human without healing himself. straight into the #human!cas tag. 

- Callbacks to Crowley and as @bluestar86 said Kip just reminds us of another demon dude from 14x08 and this is totally true, “Barthamus call me Bart" and “Kipling call me Kip”. What’s next, “Judas call me J”?. 

- Sam’s “enough!” 

is the best moment of this episode hands down and I am excite for this symbolism for his character growth. I don’t personally think this is at all him declaring he’s King or Regent, he’s just asserting his very puny human authority, albeit as the one time could have been ruler but he isn’t and doesn’t want to be, and regardless the demons fear him for who he is as Sam Winchester not as a potential king. 

BOOM> Sam Fucking Winchester amiright?!

He’s feared by demons because of who he chooses to be as a person and he’s respected by humans for who he chooses to be.

It’s a total mirror opposite.

It’s a bookend. 

I LOVE it.

DAMN DABB.

- Cas supporting Sam, the only one who really asks how he is, is such brother / best friend goals. Sam being honest about his feelings and the opposite mirror of Cas deflecting from his own when Sam asks how he is in return is painful. Please Cas, tell us what you want.

- “Sunshine”. OK but literally the whole point of that scene was Bobby calling Mary sunshine while flirting with beer bottles. Nothing else happened. It’s like Dabb is literally wielding a Destiel subtext hammer and bashing it into canon in new and interesting ways every moment he can at this point when they’re not even in the episode or scene. I’m reminded of David/Violet. I wanted Mary/Bobby Destiel parallels and we got it in episode 1. Excellent.

- Cas and Jack have their deeply meaningful mirroring scene about feeling human whilst both sporting mirroring injuries from mirrored wounds and both being punched in the face. (Dabb loves mirrors so much I may send him a fruit and donut basket with a great big mirror inside too for shits and giggles). 

Cas and Jack’s scene is yet more exposition that neither are valid due to their powers but valid and loved for who they are. 

Just as Sam is feared by demons and respected by humans for who he is not due to any demon blood or destiny. 

Just as Dean is loved and will be saved by his family because of who he is not how useful he is as a tool.

I’m reminded of my tag #season who we are 13 because that was so set up in that season from Dabb’s own premiere, showing just how much he does hark back and have a clear and consistent thematic overview of his story. 

You may by this point see why I’m quite so done with the Dabb bashing on SM this week? How it’s totally inconsistent with the actual canon of the show? That he clearly knows exactly what he’s doing thematically even if he’s not so hot on small details and Bucklemming/Singer take turns dumping a turd into his and the others writers’ pot of gold every now and again? Yeah, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

- LET SAM SLEEP 2k19!!!

#spn 14x01 #tinks meta #watching notes #supernatural #destiel #supernatural meta #dean winchester #sam winchester #sam fucking winchester #castiel #mary fucking winchester #mary winchester #im an idiot and forgot to put a cut in sorry everyone!

[lightsandlostbells]

Druck season 2, episode 1 reaction

we’re baaaaaack

I said I would finish my Skam S3 analyses before I caught up on the remake reactions, and I’m working on the one for 3.10 (the finale), but I also didn’t want to fall behind on another show. So here are some thoughts on Druck’s first week back!

Episode 1

Clip 1 - “Their tongues battled for dominance”

It’s the moment we’ve been waiting for, Druck has come back from the war. And our very first shot is an extreme closeup of some very tongue-oriented kissing, thanks for that. 

Is it Matteo and a girl?

WAIT IS THAT KIKI AND ALEXANDER

HOLY SHIT

I definitely feel like Druck was playing with Skam fans’ expectations here. They know we’re expecting a kiss to open the season, but we’re expecting it to be Matteo and some girl, so Alex and Kiki throws us off. We’re also expecting Alex and Kiki to be completely over by now, not hooking up again - that changes the direction of the season, for sure.

I don’t know how much Mia’s issues will reflect Noora’s, but considering that Noora’s season opens with scandalous sex pics/media, and that it ties into not just what happens with Niko but Noora’s overall issues about sex that are threaded throughout the season, it’s kinda interesting to open with this sloppy kiss for Mia’s season, if she has similar hangups.

The lyrics of the song are on point: 

You're a poison and I know that is the truth All my friends think you're vicious And they say you're suspicious

The other girls watch in horror and befuddlement, like the OG girl squad did with Isak. HI, GIRLS! Lovely to see you again. Sam is the only one who seems not entirely appalled by this coupling.

FUCK FUCK FUCK, Alex drives off in his car with Kiki. Kiki is so eager, staring at him with such wonder. It really makes you feel bad for her, when this dude was such a jerk to her previously! He apologized but he still acted like that! And now she’s back with him. Not great.

I guess this is an unpopular opinion, from what I can tell, but … I like Kiki. Not necessarily as a human being, I completely understand why people find her the least tolerable, meanest Vilde, but something about her character just feels real to me. Like this is a version of Vilde I completely buy as a person I’d meet in real life. Hell, she does remind me of people I’ve met in the past.

Lmao, the camera swivels between each girl, I guess to emphasize the confusion/bafflement in the group. Mia does not get what Kiki sees in him. Amira’s like, he’s hot. Sam’s like, what’s wrong, they’re finally together! Sam, my beautiful girl, they weren’t a sitcom couple. This wasn’t the will-they won’t-they flirtation of the century. They did, and it was a disaster. 

Mia says they’re not a couple, Sam is like … but they spend every night together? This is kind of adorable coming from her, tbh.

Amira points out that Sam spends every night with her camel and Sam’s points out that they’re together! Lmao, I love this bit of continuity. Shout-out to Carmen! 

Mia thinks Alex will drop Kiki once he finds another girl. Well, he probably will, it’ll just be Mia. Amira says, pfft, that’s all western relationships. Mia is like … do you want us all to become lesbians? Mia, there is a segment of your audience who would be completely OK with that.

Mia and Hanna air kiss and I know it’s not gonna happen but by God I wish it would. I’m so apprehensive about how they’ll handle Mia’s sexuality this season, with her smooching Hanna last season to get Axel off her back, but also her being bi via word of God.

Amira says she has to go to prayer. Mia asks whether Amira was just there? Amira says no and leaves. So maybe Amira is doing something else and keeping a secret from the girls? I guess one other possibility is that Mia (a non-Muslim) doesn’t realize how much Muslims are supposed to pray, but I think the first is more likely from a story perspective. Anyway, it’s small but I like little nods to Amira’s religion, things like her mentioning going to pray so it feels like it’s more integrated into her character. 

Sam asks the girls to swing their legs and it’s super cute. It was also an IG story she made, so that’s a nice inclusion. It’s cool when they tie in the clips to actual social media posts (much like how Matteo posted a video of Hanna and Jonas last season that seemed to be taken within the clip itself).

People got seriously fucking mad with this clip, lmao, but honestly, it’s such a big departure from the original that I wasn’t pissed. There’s too much we need to know about how the Kiki/Alexander relationship will play out in the long run before I get angry at what’s happening.

In the credits after the clip, we see a pillow fight scene with the girls. I’m gonna guess that’s maybe a snippet from the Easter cabin episode (or whatever’s taking place of the cabin episode). I wonder if we also got a slumber party scene as a makeup for not getting the full girls’ sleepover in S1? It was just Mia and Kiki.

Clip 2 - Santa Claus is coming

Mia observes their toilet at home at German Kollektivet. It is gross. There’s pee all over the seat, what even looks like a curly hair??? I want to puke. I take it back, I’ll watch Kiki’s and Alex’s tongues for an hour if Druck never shows me anything like this toilet again.

Mia angrily stomps over to the bedroom of German Eskild (Hans) and bangs on the door. German Linn comes up to her, saying Hans has a visitor. Mia explains that Hans peed all over the toilet seat, Linn asks if she should clean it up. Mia says if they always do it for him, he’ll never learn. This is a small moment and not necessarily like, groundbreaking feminist commentary, but it’s why I have some faith in Druck for this season? Mia is adamantly against women cleaning up men’s messes (literally and certainly figuratively). I’m not saying she’s a perfect feminist, but she actually seems like a believable feminist teenage girl, with a lot of feminist principles that seem integrated into her life, which not all of the remakes have captured, imo.

Mia bangs on the door, Hans doesn’t open it, so eventually she does and of course Hans is getting his dick sucked. He’s wearing a Santa hat. There are so many directions you could take this joke that I can’t settle on anything, sorry. 

I will say that I’m pretty sure there are multiple shitty Christmas slasher movies where the killer is driven to hack people up because they spied someone in a Santa costume having sex, and that scarred them for life or whatever, so Hans better watch his back. And clean up the toilet from now on.

Hans makes excuses for his wayward urine, Mia asks him to clean it up. Hans is like, tomorrow! Hans, people are probably going to use the toilet between now and tomorrow. It is not going to take you long to do the bare minimum and spray down some cleaner and then wipe it off.

Uhhhh the other dude who’s putting on his Santa jacket seems kinda cute. Good job, Hans? Except apparently the guy, Michi, is boring and talks too much about Trump, Nazis, refugees, etc. So bringing in those aspects of S2 a little early, which is nice and topical. (But lol @ Mia and Hans talking about how boring this guy is when the door is still open a crack.)

Mia asks why Hans meets with him then, and Hans says it’s because Mia is always in school and who knows what Linn is doing? He was lonely. And by lonely, let’s be real, he means horny. Something neither Mia nor Linn can satisfy for him.

Hans compares Michi to a boomerang: you throw him away but he always comes back. Mia is appalled by this. You all suck! Not “you all” as in gay people, “you all” as in men. Hans is like … well, you’ve got me there! 

I liked that already, this scene ties into the plot thematically. Hans is basically doing the same as Alex, or at least what Mia thinks is happening with Alex. Hans is using Michi for hookups, Alex is using Kiki. Throwing her away, but like a boomerang, she comes back. Mia thinks what Amira said earlier about relationships is right. Guys are awful.

Hans didn’t make the best first impression here, with comparing Michi to a boomerang, and being dismissive of serious political issues, but I mean, this is only his first scene, and it’s not like Eskild’s first appearance revealed too much about him except that he thought Disney was a good fellatio soundtrack.

Clip 3 - Hello, Jotteo

Hanna and Mia walk to school. Mia says that her parents decided to go to Berlin without telling her, and they got into a fight. Her relationship with them is a nonstop cycle of arguing, basically. So Mia is going to do nothing for Christmas, basically, just stay at home and read - which sounds nice, personally, but also probably not that nice when it’s because you’re estranged from your family and have nowhere to go. Hanna is like, not on my watch! She invites Hanna to Christmas Eve with her and her dad. Yay, Hanna’s dad! I liked that guy, I hope we get to see him again.

Jonas and Matteo show up! Interesting because obviously Mia didn’t escape to Hanna’s yesterday to see Hanna and Jonas all snuggled up watching TV and talking about dating (like Noora did).

Hanna and Jonas seem a little awkward together. MY BABES. You still love each other!

Also, these are some fucking stoners, man. Are they high already? It’s like 8 in the morning. School hasn’t even started. They’re like, we have to go take a biology test! They’re laughing like this is the funniest shit ever. 

Mia asks if Hanna has talked with him lately. Hanna is like, “Jonas?” at first, and I can’t wait to hear how that relationship is going (or not going) but Mia meant Matteo. Hanna has no idea how she’d bring up that they found porn on Matteos’ phone and that they think he’s crushing on Jonas. Mia is like, just drop in a subtle hint, like asking if he watches Queer Eye! Lmao, Mia, have you seen Matteo’s hair and wardrobe? Bless him, because I love this messy, perpetually stoned version of Isak, but if he’s watching Queer Eye he’s sure as fuck not taking inspiration from it.

Hanna says she and Matteo don’t have much contact lately, because of Jonas. It’s not working out just being friends and he doesn’t seem willing to give as much on his end. Mia asks if Jonas has a new girlfriend, Hanna says no, that they promised to tell each other when that happens. Something tells me that isn’t going to go so smoothly this season. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jonas gets a girlfriend but Hanna doesn’t hear about it from him. I mean, Eva didn’t hear about Jonas being with another girl straight from him, and they were on much better terms than Hanna and Jonas (superficially, at least).

Mia seems doubtful, too. I’m sure her current “Men are the worst” attitude isn’t making her more optimistic.

Clip 4 - Mia vs. Alex in class

Mia is in class. Kiki’s sitting next to her; Alexander is on the opposite side of the room; because he got held back, they’re in the same grade. Mia looks to him. I will note that Alexander does a kind of laugh to himself before he looks up, so maybe he sensed that Mia was scoping him out?

Mia, who is looking very pretty by the way, pulls up her shirt so it’s not baring her shoulders so much. I vastly appreciate that they did this part differently than in the original! In that one, William texts Noora that she looks good in the shirt, causing her to put on a jacket - it’s his direct advances and comment making her uncomfortable. In this scene, Alexander is just looking at her - which might make her uncomfortable but at least he wasn’t doing it in an overly lascivious way. 

We also see him respond to that, and it’s hard to tell because he doesn’t avert his eyes totally or anything, but he doesn’t completely keep staring at her.

Like in Skam, their teacher is filmed below the neck, although this guy’s nipples aren’t the main attraction. Rather, it’s his festive reindeer sweater that draws the eye. (NGL, this gives me an idea for one of the S3 remakes where instead of checking out the female teacher’s boobs, the Isak is like … staring at his male teacher’s nips poking through a polo shirt or whatever.)

This is like a history/social studies class and the teacher has been talking about institutional oppression. He asks for comparisons between apartheid in South Africa and the Third Reich.

A girl is like, why can’t we talk about something relevant like Syria? Lmao, random girl, of course it’s important to talk about Syria, but what’s this insinuation that it’s not relevant to talk about past atrocities? This is part of why we study history, to draw comparisons between the past and present. Not to mention the repercussions of those periods are still felt today.

Mia and Alex’s argument about Israel being an apartheid state is more in line with how I think Noorhelm was meant to be, with the two of them having debates and William challenging Noora’s opinion. However, it never really worked for me because I felt these arguments leaned too heavily on not just like ... intellectual debate for the spirit of it, but Noora objecting to something William had done, and then William trying to argue why it was actually OK. There weren’t many debates about stuff unrelated to their relationship and William’s behavior, not much verbal and mental sparring for the pleasure of it. So maybe this isn’t an enjoyable debate, per se, but it’s at least a heated one between two parties with different strong POVs, on something besides trying to justify one’s own behavior.

When Alex quotes David Ben-Gurion, Mia says there’s a difference between a German saying that Israel is an apartheid state and an Israeli saying so. Alex is like, nah. Mia asks, so there’s no difference when I insult your sister and when you do? He seems to get a touch more serious and says while emotionally there’s a difference, practically there isn’t. No one should insult his sister.

People were reading very literally into this comment, that she’s aware of his sister, but I think she’s just presenting a hypothetical scenario as an analogy. It’s not that she actually knows he has/had a sister. It’s that her hypothetical scenario happens to have more baggage attached to it than she realizes. Assuming that Alex maybe has a dead sister, this is actually a very good moment! It makes sense why he’d get more emotional over her at this mention, like it struck a nerve even if it’s not what Mia really meant.

The teacher is like, thanks for your contribution, it totally misses the point! Lmao, between that comment and the reindeer sweater, I like this guy.

Behind Mia, Kiki seemed pretty into Alex’s talk, by the way.

As the class packs up, Mia says Alex is a dick, Kiki says he’s not and that Mia doesn’t even know him. He’s insecure and just wants his parents’ attention. Mia is like, lol, didn’t know he was sensitive and vulnerable. She says it like a joke, but Kiki takes it seriously and says it’s all a front.

Mia asks why Alex is repeating his grade, Kiki says he didn’t want to talk about it. INTERESTING. I know from a Doylist perspective, this is so they can keep Alex on the show rather than him graduating, but I really hope they integrate it into his characterization. But he also said it’s none of Kiki’s business so like, he’s still an asshole. Mia agrees with me. He doesn’t have to tell her but don’t be a shithead about it.

Alex accompanies Kiki out of the classroom and gives her his hand, but appears to shoot Mia a look as he leaves.

Clip 5 - Kiki’s a vegan

Mia rides her bike in the morning and passes Kiki on the street. They have class now, but Kiki still needs to go home and shower. Mia is surprised because they’re pretty far from Kiki’s house, meaning Kiki has to run even more. However, Kiki seems pleased about how much she’s run.

Mia invites Kiki to go shopping with her and Hanna, and Kiki wants to go somewhere with vegan croissants. Mia is surprised by Kiki suddenly being a vegan. Kiki explains that she saw a documentary - not about factory farming, but about how healthy it is. Although then she adds she thinks factory farming is bad when she sees Mia isn’t pleased - that’s a nice touch because Kiki seems like she thought Mia was judging her for not being politically aware enough, and that Mia’s going to go on an activist diatribe or something, when Mia is really concerned because of Kiki’s extreme workout and diet.

Mia clarifies that she thinks veganism is great, it’s just that Kiki is working out so much as well as becoming a vegan. She said they talked about it and Kiki needs to be careful about this stuff. Kiki says she doesn’t see the problem with eating healthy and doing sports.

I like that moment because it’s kind of toeing the line, like … well, what is wrong with working out and eating healthy? And Mia can’t quite object to that in itself. On the surface, Kiki is making it sound reasonable. It’s just that we know more is going on with her than simply adopting healthy lifestyle habits. She’s taking it way too far.

Clip 6 - Mia vs. Alex, take two

Mia sees Axel in school and confronts him, saying they need to talk. He doesn’t seem that into it. When she asks him what he’s doing with Kiki, he plays dumb, she tells him that she’s going to get her hopes up for something serious. Alex is all, define serious. He says that he’s hanging out with Kiki and no one else, so what else is he supposed to do, propose to her?

If he’s explained to Kiki that this is a FWB thing, then honestly, it’ll be on Kiki not to hope for something more serious. It’s certainly not the best course of action for him because of how he behaved last season, and he should know by now that Kiki will probably take it too seriously. However, if he’s made his stance clear to Kiki that this isn’t a serious relationship, then it’s on Kiki to listen to that.

I like that her posture seems more stiff and ramrod straight, and he’s leaning against the railing, relaxed. She’s on guard and trying to make a point to, he’s not threatened by what she’s saying.

He says “If I didn’t know you were a lesbian, I’d think you were jealous,” and arrrrgh. Best case scenario, this at least suggests he has been backing off Mia because he thinks she’s a lesbian and not approaching her, and he respects that. However, I don’t think he buys that she’s really a lesbian (and this is confirmed by the end of the episode) so it comes across like a taunt instead. “If I didn’t know you were a lesbian” is him being ironic because he doesn’t believe her.

Mia says if he hurts Kiki, she’ll kill him. She walks away and Alex seems more amused than anything. He better take her seriously, she’s seen Santa getting a blowjob so the desire to kill should be setting in any moment.

Clip 7 - Gym class

Mia and Hanna are in gym class. They’re on the bleachers. They are both faking having their periods because they hate volleyball and PE. I can respect the fuck out of that. Jonas is playing volleyball, and he and Hanna are having some awkward eye contact.

Hanna mentions that Kiki is a vegan now. She doesn’t get how one can go without meat, but Mia has more serious concerns about Kiki’s sudden veganism.

The girls talk about Alexander and whether he’s doing this thing with Kiki as a tactic to make Mia jealous. God, I hope not. I hope he legit thinks she’s unavailable and is trying to move on or something. Because even taking the end of the episode into consideration, he wasn’t pursuing Mia on his own. He wasn’t texting her, calling her, starting conversations with her outside of class, and it was when Mia kept initiating contact and pushing him that he said he’d break up with Kiki if Mia went on a date with him. I’m not excusing him for that, but best case scenario, he was doing this thing with Kiki without the end goal of exchanging her for Mia.

The ball flies at Hanna, Jonas comes to pick it up and says sorry. I truly hope that was an accident, because otherwise, dick move. Anyway, another little beat of awkwardness between the two.

Clip 8 - Christmas party 

Party time! Linn sits on the couch, appropriately. She’s wearing a Santa hat, so she’s a little bit festive, at least?

The girls bake cookies, Hans seems to be making drinks. When Mia goes to the fridge, we get a nice glimpse of her, Hans, and Linn in some photo booth pics, awww.

Amira recreates the Salt Bae meme, which is fucking adorable, I love her.

Mia is a very pretty girl but I have to say that the styling is suiting her even more this season, and this is a really great look for her.

Kiki checks her phone. As we know from the social media, she had something planned with Alex. She’s sent some texts to him, but he’s ignoring her. Though I wonder if they actually had something planned, or if Kiki just assumed they did.

The doorbell rings and it’s Jonas, Matteo, and Carlos! I think they’re integrating the boy squad more into this season because they know fans love Jonas and Matteo, but that’s hardly something I’ll complain about. I live for more combined girl/boy squad content.

Hanna doesn’t seem totally OK with Jonas appearing - not like, shook to her core, but that she’s a little ruffled.

Carlos greets Kiki and says she looks good tonight and I don’t want to pair up any random boy and girl who interact, but if it will get her off Alex, then by all means, deliver us German Magnus/Vilde.

Mia asks Hans if he invited Michi (the guy from the BJ Santa clip) and he says no. Michi isn’t the kind of guy you date, he’s the guy you get to rim you. Well ... thanks for letting us know!

But it’s kinda interesting to me, because Hans is pretty dismissive and not complimentary of this guy, but at the same time… it’s his choice to just hook up with him and not go for anything serious. Mia seems like she’s meddling or judging a bit, disapproving of Hans doing this. I wonder if it’ll come into play later and if Hans will get as tired of Mia’s meddling as Kiki does. Still, it’s a nice parallel to her interfering with Kiki’s affairs, too.

This is a small, cute Christmas party, I dig it. The squads dance to All I Want For Christmas, the girls hug, it’s cute. Matteo sits at the table drinking, awww. Get up and dance, dude!

I wonder if Matteo not dancing is part of him checking himself not to be ~too gay? Or maybe he’s not in the mood because he’s been going through shit at home? Or he’s too drunk to get up? There are a lot of references to him drinking and getting stoned this season, and I mean, that’s not a great thing for him, but it’s a very interesting development in terms of what it will mean for his arc. 

Hans and Matteo have met now! Maybe they didn’t talk much, but they were in the same room!

WHO WAS TOUCHING MATTEO’S HEAD, I CAN’T TELL

Matteo and Kiki share a moment where she’s singing to All I Want For Christmas at him and he’s just at the table. Are they actual friends or something? Elaborate, please!

Everyone’s having a good time until Hans suddenly cuts the music, then they’re angered. How dare he cut off Mariah!

Hans announces they’re going to the club and goes into the bathroom to take party drugs. He says he’s going to pee, but the others are aware he’s taking drugs. Matteo mentions that Hans said he partied last week and it took him 72 hours to notice that he didn’t eat anything. Oh no, Kiki’s going to latch onto that. Mia seems wary.

Later, after the party’s over, Mia is cleaning up when the doorbell rings. Kiki comes back in. She’s going to party with Hans and Sam. Cotton pads fall out of her purse. Wait, Kiki is eating them??? Uh-oh.

Mia asks her not to take drugs, she saw how Kiki reacted when they were talking about Hans. Kiki gets mad and asks why she doesn’t get on Hans’ case. Mia says it’s because Hans doesn’t eat cotton pads as a snack. Kiki gets very upset. Mia wants to know if this is because of Alexander.

Truthfully, I don’t think dating Alexander helps, necessarily, since Kiki will feel like she needs to be at her best to hold Alex’s attention, and if he’s not 100% interested in her, she’ll find the faults in herself rather than him. It doesn’t help that he’s already told her she’s not worth it, and even though he apologized, she might still feel the memory of that. But this problem with Kiki goes well beyond her dating Alexander. I’m not absolving him of everything, obviously, but I think she’d be engaging in these behaviors regardless of what he thought, even if it’s for his approval. Mia is using Alexander as a scapegoat here for a much broader issue with Kiki. Like I have no doubt that these problems originated before Alex.

Kiki yells at Mia to stop interfering in her life and that she’s obsessed. I’m really interested in what Druck is doing with these two, because there are two sides to this. I think when it comes to Kiki’s eating disorder, while Mia ultimately can’t control what Kiki does, she’s not wrong to mention her concerns. This is one situation where your friend’s health and physical well-being are at stake. Mia has likely been where Kiki has and recognizes the signs. When it comes to Alexander … Mia probably should back off by now. She’s made her case, she’s stated her concerns. Kiki is making her own choices with who she’s hooking up with. They may not be great choices but they’re Kiki’s to make. But mixing the two sides is that Mia thinks the relationship with Alex is exacerbating Kiki’s eating disorder, so Kiki’s romantic life is entangled with her health. 

Mia lies in bed later. She goes through her text messages, first Hans, then Axel. If you look closely, you’ll notice that she sent something to him about the David Ben-Gurion quote being misattributed, which means they kept up the debate outside the classroom. Mia, I know you want to win the debate, but contacting Axel again to make your point isn’t going to convince him that you don’t care about him.

Mia texts Axel to leave Kiki alone. Again, this is messy because I think this is probably crossing the line, Mia’s said her piece already, and this is Kiki’s life. I’m glad they’ve emphasize that Mia thinks this situation is making Kiki’s eating disorder worse, though, because that is a very serious problem and if Mia thinks Alex is making it worse, then it’s easy to understand why she would keep intervening.

Mia is texting something like “Do you want to ...” before Axel writes back, and I’d be really interested to know what she was going to say. 

Aaaand Alex wrecks a lot of the good will we wanted to give him by telling Mia he’ll break up with her if she goes out with him and admits she made up all the lesbian stuff. Ugh. So he’s a) willing to break up with Kiki and hurt her just to get with Mia b) putting pressure on Mia dating him c) not taking her being a lesbian seriously which is sadly a common attitude among straight dudes. Obviously lesbians can’t be real, it’s impossible for women not to want me men! Even if he thinks she made it up about her sexuality, he should fucking leave it at that. I mean, she made it up for a reason and that reason is that she doesn’t want to date him, take a hint. Whatever Mia’s flaws have been in this whole situation, that doesn’t let Alex off the hook, either.

We close on Mia from above in her bed, with some distance. I like that, it makes her seem smaller and less in control of what she feels she has to do.

General Comments/Social Media

I’m really happy to see this show back! So far this was a promising start; I think they’re working on some of the production issues of last season and listening to the fans, so that’s encouraging.

This week there was a TON of effort put into the social media, with many IG posts and stories and multiple text messages. There were also clips every day, sometimes more than one. This was a really smart choice, because the constant flow of content grabbed people’s attention - remember that one week in S1 where the show took an unexpected hiatus and people wondered if Druck had been cancelled mid-season? Not great for holding viewers’ interest. I very much hope they can keep up the steady roll of content - personally I would not be surprised if they tone it down a little after this week, and the large amount of content this week was to drum up hype for the show, but I hope we can keep it at higher levels than last season.

However, the constant content and the increased promotion seem to have worked, because the amount of views per clip and subscriptions to Druck’s channel have increased quite a bit! A lot of the clips seem to have as many or more views as clips from S1, which have been out for months. At the beginning of the week there was something like 63,000 subscribers to the channel, I think? As of writing this, they have almost 100,000. They gained more than 35,000 subscribers in a week. That’s incredible! I also noticed several of the clips and episodes were trending by the time I watched them, so that’s got to help attract new viewers. When there are new clips out frequently, they can keep trending, which will grab the attention of new fans. I poked through the comments and there seemed to be a LOT of people who are not existing Skam fans, but German viewers discovering Druck for the first time, which is amazing.

I realize it’ll be very messy with the timeline, but I hope that we can squeeze in at least one more season of this show, hopefully two so we can get both Amira and Matteo seasons. If the momentum keeps up, it’ll be a huge shame to end the show when it’s doing so well. Don’t pull a Julie Andem, Pola Beck. (Lmao, I’m willing to drop realism and pretend this is like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Veronica Mars when they graduated high school after 2-3 seasons and then all happened to go to the same university.)

About Mia being a lesbian or bisexual, or having a romance with a girl - as much as I would love for this to happen, I’m not going to get my hopes up. I don’t want to be disappointed. What I do hope is that the stuff with Mia isn’t queerbaiting - I really hope that she isn’t straight. I get that she’s probably not going to be a lesbian and that she’ll likely end up with Alex, because otherwise it would be an enormous diversion from the source material, one that would not go over well with a big part of the fanbase that loves Noorhelm and is looking forward to seeing that story again. But let her be bi, at least. I get that it’s a pipe dream to hope for Mia/Hanna or Mia/Kiki, but let the f/f content be stronger than it was in S2 of Skam. Make it better than just drunken makeouts between ostensibly straight girls.

The thing is, I do understand if they have her get together with Alex. However you might feel about it personally, Noorhelm is a popular ship (S3 was the biggest internationally but I know S2 was huge in Norway) and there will be tons of people looking forward to it. So really, I’m not expecting them to throw out that relationship and the Mia/Alex endgame. Later in the season, I might change my mind. But right now, while I’m expecting some of the story details to change (as they already have), I’m not going to predict a radical overhaul of S2. I think I’ll be more disappointed if I expect them to reinvent this story so dramatically and they don’t. And if they do? I can be pleasantly surprised.

There’s going to be a fuck ton of drama this season in the fandom - hell, there already is - because Noorhelm is already polarizing, and we’ll be seeing people who still want this ship to succeed and people who don’t. But I do want to point out one thing: a huge amount of people, until the final clip, were being positive about Alex and Mia/Alex’s potential, pointing out ways they preferred Alex’s behavior to William’s. This included people who straight-up hated Noorhelm. I think this says a lot, that many people are willing to get on board with the pairing if it gets rid of the stuff they disliked about the original S2. Of course many others are never going to like this storyline, and many people who had high hopes then dropped them after Alex’s text message to Mia. We’ll see how fandom attitudes change or stay the same over the season.

I like how they’re characterizing Mia this season. They seem to have a clear idea of her motivations, they’re giving her flaws that seem naturally integrated into her character. One of the best ways to create a character, imo, is to think of their flaws and their strengths not as existing on completely separate spheres, but as personality traits existing together that have both positive and negative qualities. For instance, Mia is kind and protective of her friends, overall a positive trait, but that leads her to interfere with their lives, which can be a negative trait.

There were a ton of IG posts and text messages, both this week and before the season even started. I might have missed something - I didn’t expect Druck to hit me so hard with SM content, lmao.

One pre-season text had Hanna wanting to meet up with Jonas, and he initially agreed, but then when she asked for details he didn’t reply, and on the day of, he suddenly couldn’t meet. Oh, kids. This is such a different dynamic from Eva and Jonas in their S2, when they appeared to be on friendly terms and were hanging out together, totally platonic, nothing to see here!!! Unfortunately, Hanna and Jonas still have some friction.

There was a really excellent text message prior to the start of the season, about the girls meeting with college/career advisers at school. It did the double duty of both telling us about the girls’ aspirations and dreams for when they graduate, as well as exposing various difficulties and societal inequalities that they face. For instance, Kiki wants to go to university because no one in her family has done so before, but the adviser tried to talk her into some apprenticeships. Amira jokes that it’s because the adviser saw Kiki’s grades, but that also sees like an issue of classism - Kiki expresses interest in university but the adviser discourages her, possibly based on her background and not coming from a family that went to university. Sam wants to study fashion design and the adviser said that goal fits, presumably due to her personal style. With Amira we see blatant racism in the system, as she wants to become a chancellor, but the adviser laughs and singles out her hijab as a reason why she’ll find it difficult. Hanna was told to do better in school, continuing her academic struggles from her season (the Evas have never been great students). Mia, on the other hand, is told she could be anything. And true, I think Mia’s supposed to be a good student, but note the disparity in that a young white girl is told her future is full of limitless possibilities, whereas Amira (who I’m pretty sure is also a good student) is told how she’ll struggle to achieve her dreams.

I think that sort of sets up some of the tension to a degree with Mia’s character. I’m not sure how much we’ll go into this, but Mia (and the Nooras) have frequently been like the golden girl of Skam. Like I agree that S4 made a lot of mistakes in giving Noora too much importance at the expense of Sana, but I also think there was an awareness that Noora was perceived so differently than Sana even though in many ways they were similar, because of racism, and how Sana knew this and was hurt by it (it was just that S4 was a weird mishmash of knowing this and portraying it critically, and indulging in Noora’s greatness and playing it straight). So we could have that with Mia and Amira at some point. But also, I think this is a big issue with Mia and Kiki (and Noora and Vilde). Because we saw Vilde basically have to deal with Noora being seen as a “better” version of her. For example, Vilde planned to tell off William and have that as her big moment; but William tore her down and Vilde ran off in distress, and it was Noora who stepped up to roast him and put him in his place. What Noora did was great but it snatched Vilde’s moment. Noora is pretty and skinny, she stuffs herself with pancakes and is model thin, something that Vilde aspires to be. Vilde has a crush on William and he uses her and throws her away; Noora gets William’s attention and she doesn’t even want it, then ends up in a serious relationship with him as William decides Noora is the girl worthy of his loyalty. We saw a lot of this play out with Mia and Kiki already in S1. Now in S2, the tension between the two is going even harder than with Noora and Vilde. Vilde never snapped at Noora the way Kiki does in this episode. Honestly out of everything, I think I’m most interested in seeing how that relationship develops over the season. Remember that Mia is the only one who was there to help Kiki with her pregnancy scare last season, so now they’ve got this other big situation and secret between them.

Girl Sam invited one of the boys to the Christmas party, but it’s not clear from the texts which of them it was. I’m pretty sure it was Jonas since he says Sam invited them in the clip, but still, that’s one downside of Druck’s text system, we can’t always tell who the conversations are between. Although on the other hand, I do think there are instances where that ambiguity could add some suspense and mystery. (She greets mystery boy as “Hi bitch!” which is pretty funny and suggests they are on reasonably friendly terms.)

I wonder if Sam invited the boys on behalf of Hanna? Then Jonas would have an excuse to hang around Hanna without the pressure of it being one-on-one, or seeming too much like a date/like they were back together. And he might respond more positively to a “neutral” party like Sam rather than Hanna, with all their history. 

By the way, Hanna had a pic of her and Jonas before the season started that’s like “When lovers become friends!” and she looks significantly happier about it than he does.

Carlos (the Elias from S1) got an IG and his name (car_lospolloshermanos) is a Breaking Bad reference. I remember him as being fairly decent and not too shitty in S1, so it’d be nice to see him as a member of German boy squad.

Kiki posts a pic of her healthy vegan meal and Matteo responded by posting his currywurst. Lmao, so they’re friendly enough that they can have this banter???

Matteo posts a bunch of memes on his IG. How Isak of him.

Amira had some utterly beautiful pics of her summer where she’s riding a camel and visiting the pyramids in Egypt.

There were so many Christmas party pics and videos! I loved the effort put into it. The kids were adorable.and the activity made it feel more like an actual party.

We’ve had Skam and the remakes take place on holidays, but never on Christmas, so I’m quite excited to see what Druck gives us! Even if it’s just Mia, Hanna, and Hanna’s dad chilling out, that’ll be good enough for me. Plus, we should get New Year’s too - what if we get a clip that drops around midnight on New Year’s Eve?

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

I’m not German, so if I missed any language or cultural context, feel free to let me know!

#druck reactions

[crystalblueskie]

I got bored and wrote some jokes. Tell me if you like them.

So, to get started let me tell you a little something about my family. My mom is disabled and so she has a service dog named Callie Ann...that is such a country white girl name, Callie Ann, amirite? Anyways, so this dog obviously goes everywhere with us: doctors offices, grocery store, restaurants. Normal service dog stuff, you know? But for some reason, everybody stares at her like it's the weirdest thing they've ever seen. A dog wearing a vest walking around Target... I use Target because Walmart is too controversial. Walmart: EVIL!! Target: fair game. Walmart: Trump Target:...any other president. Anyways: dog wearing a vest walking around Target, a vest that blatantly say "SERVICE DOG" on it mind you and random people like to just walks up to us as we and the dog are minding our own business and ask "Is she a service dog?" *Stares bewildered* and every time I'm thinking in my head "I DON'T KNOW, WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER VEST!"..."no, no ma'am we just slapped a service dog vest on her so she can go everywhere with us. Thank you for asking. Goodbye. Have a nice day." Another thing about this dog, I love her to death I really do. It's fun we have a young dog in the house again, she loves to play with anything that squeaks or makes a weird noise, I'm getting exercise again! Yay! But my mother takes it to a WHOLE 'NOTHER LEVEL!! We'll out shopping...*whispers* at Target...and we'll walk past the dog section... I'm trying to walk past as fast as possible. My mom stops right at the mouth of the aisle and walks down it. Shit, I know how this goes. My mom and her dog happily trot down the aisle and her dog smells all of the toy until eventually she smells a toy for more than three seconds...my mom is ready. She talks in that annoying baby voice, you know the voice right? *in an annoying baby voice* "Do you like that toy? Yeah! You like that toy? You want that toy? I'm gonna get you that toy!" SHIT. Toy goes in the cart...We end up leaving the store with more dog treats and a goddamn dog toy. Ever. Single. Time. And I'm over here thinking, if I got a toy every time we left the house as a child, I would have more toys than my tiny, little, ADD-riddled brain could handle. Now a days I'm a old 24 years old. If you don't know what that means, it means I'm mentally 24 years old and physically 80 years old. I'll be walking around the house like this *walks around like an old lady holding my back* and my mom will be looking at me and ask "what the hell are you doing?" And I'll yell back to her "what does it look like? My back hurts!!" I look outside "Get the hell of my lawn, you mangy kids!!" Anyways that obviously means I am a young millennial, which basically means that I remember when Netflix was delivered to your front porch and when Blockbuster was a thing. Also, I was told I needed to go to college or I wouldn't amount to anything. Jokes on them, I still didn't amount to anything. I got a Bachelors in Individualized Studies which means I was indecisive about my major and when I graduated I got a piece of paper basically thanking me for my participation. After 5 years of college, I got a piece of paper thanking me for participating in college. Think about that. This is what happened, I was originally going to school to become a teacher, but to become a teacher you must first waste your time taking a bunch of bullshit teaching classes like "How to teach Math" and then after about 3 years you have to submit a portfolio answering questions such as "Why do you want to become a teacher?" Maybe because I need a job and I was told the only way to get one that pays well was to go to college and I like kids sometimes and I took a course in school where I was basically a teachers assistant for 2 credits a semester and this seemed like the easiest job to get at the rip old age of 18. WRONG!! I was so very wrong!! What my teachers and professors failed to tell me was that to even get accepted into my colleges teaching program is not only do we have to answer the portfolio questions is: you have to pass 2 tests. This is what the TAKS tests were really preparing me for. One test was on Math. At this point, I have not done basic Mathematics in 2 years. The other test was on English and Grammar. I have barely passed my English courses with C's my entire life. The cards were not in my favor. You get approximately 60 minutes to finish each test. They take you into this office and you get a little locker and a key in exchange for your Drivers License. You are expected to place your phone and your purse or bag in the locker. They then place you in a separate room with desks with computer lined up against the wall. And at the opposite end of the room, smack in the center is a person that is paid to sit there and make sure you don't cheat. That is their only job, to sit there and stare at you like this *stares around room* am I making you nervous? *whispers* good. Because that is exactly how I felt the entire 60 minutes. And the thing is they don't even give you scratch paper for the math portion, just a TI-84 calculator. You know the ones that cost like 250 dollars and were fucking MANDATORY in middle school? Little secret about those calculators, they have 4 games on them. Yup. Found that out really quick. I used to sit in class on my calculator and the teachers would be none the wiser as I played the same game on my expensive calculator for the whole hour. I still play on it to this day. Anywho, no scratch paper, just an expensive calculator that I can play games on but forgot how to graph on. And I don't know about you guys, but I can't do math in my head like some people, I'm not wired that way. So, I had to go up to the creepy guy paid to stare at us and ask him for scratch paper. At one point I got so involved in solving a problem that I kept getting answers that were not multiple choice options, that I ran out of time and automatic failed 8 out of about 50 questions. A month later I found out that I somehow managed to get a B on a test I didn't finish. *whispers* I'll take it. So, the first time I turned in my portfolio, I had the tests scores that they were looking for but not the detailed answers to their profound questions. I obviously did not get into the teaching education program the first time. A year later I was allowed to turn in my portfolio again. This time I got smart, I made my sister proofread and rewrite my answers for the incentive of 100 dollars of my financial aid. *whispers* I got in. Now at this point, you're probably wondering why I told you all of this and why I don't have a Bachelors in Early Childhood Education like I intended after I went through the torture of 5 years of college and my acceptance into the TEP and the answer to that is, I showed up to the TEP orientation to be told that I had to take 2 more years of teaching courses and at that point I had been in college for nearly 5 years and I was like "There is no way in Hell that I was going to graduate after nearly 7 years of college just to teach children how to count and what the primary colors are." That was probably my biggest mistake in life. Just FYI, all of your childhoods are a lie. Red and Blue are not Primary colors. Cyan, Magenta, and Yellow are the true Primary colors according to the art wheel. To those of you that don't know Cyan can also be called Sky Blue and Magenta is a bright shade of Pink. We good? Good. The definition of a Primary color is a color that cannot be made by combining any two colors. They just exist in the world as is. Still good? Okay. Blue and Red by definition are not Primary colors because they can be made by combining two colors. Blue can be made by combining Cyan and Magenta. Red by combining Yellow and Magenta. They are by definition Secondary colors, colors that can be made by combining two primary colors. Look at that, you came out to have a good time and I tricked you into learning something, I am a teacher. I'm just kidding, I'm lying I didn't always know that. I always thought the Primary colors were Blue, Red, and Yellow just like all of you. I learned that how everyone learns things nowadays, YouTube. Anyways, moving on. The other day I couldn't sleep to save my soul, I had insomnia. And I noticed the weird way that I lay in my bed. It looks a little something like this. *walks over to a pillow and Petunia laying in the middle of the floor* One moment I'll be laying like this *places right foot on side of left knee* You think that ones weird wait until you see the next one. Next minute I'll turn over and be laying like this *place left foot on top of right knee* and then I'll turn over again and do this *pull legs up closer to my body and place them slightly apart* I don't know what this one is, it's like when Deadpool got ripped in half by Juggernaut in Deadpool 2, sorry spoilers. And his lower half has to regrow and he's standing there in front of the remainder of X-Force and Cable but his legs are that of a toddler. That's what this looks like to me, a grown ass person with baby legs trying to run away from something. And then I'll turn over AGAIN and do this *lays almost on front and places left foot of the side of right knee* know this one , this ones not even a sleep position, this is the fucking tree pose from my beginners yoga class. *Stands up and does the tree pose placing both palms together.* Just *hums yoga hum*. That's what that is right there. Haha. I got so bored one morning around 6 o'clock that I decided to clean the mess that was my closet. I had shoes thrown all over the floor of the closet and smack in the middle was a laundry basket that had all the clothes I had ever worn in 3 months. I opened the doors up *pretends to open doors* and I just screamed *screams* and then promptly fainted. Right in front of my closet. That is how messy it was. And the ironic part is that I have OCD. That mess was too much for my tiny, little OCD-riddled brain could handle at 6 in the morning. Which was ironic considering the fact that I had been living with it for 3 months and my OCD didn't seem to mind. But the minute my brain decided it wanted to clean that mess, suddenly my brain was overwhelmed. It took me approximately 2 hours to clean out the junk filled drawers in my dresser and put all of my spring/summer clothes away. Some of you probably noticed I said spring/summer clothes, that is because my autumn/winter clothes do not fit in my room anywhere. So they lay in a tote, a room away, until the temperature starts to drop, and then I would change them out. Men you don't realize this but every girl you know has more clothes than she can count, and some of those clothes, *whispers* she don't even wear. I have a half a closet full of skater dresses, that I wear once in a goddamn blue moon, just because I wanted to feel pretty that day. Interesting thing about switching clothes out, it's not even a new thing. Back in the 19-whatever's girls and women would have a hope chest that was filled with dresses for the spring/summer time when it was autumn/winter outside, and vise versa when it was spring/summer outside. I learned that story from my beautiful mother over there, because one day I pointed to her mothers hope chest and asked what it was used for. Interesting fact about me and my grandmother is that if you look at pictures of her when she was around the age of 13 sitting at the pool, my 13 year old self looked exactly like her, facial expression and all. My grandma unfortunately died of Breast Cancer 5 years after giving birth to my mother, her only surviving biological child. I say "biological child" because after my grandma had so many miscarriages and stillborns, she and my grandpa gave up and went to purchase a child *whipers* from Target. Haha. I'm just kidding, everyone knows that babies come from heaven and that storks carry them down in their beaks to a random families' front porch and leave the baby there to get stepped one when the Husband or Wife goes to check the mail. Probably the Wife, husbands are useless at running errands. You tell a man to go to the store to get 5 items and he comes back with 1 maybe 2 of the items that you had purposely written down on his arm so that he would remember everything. Do women have to do everything? Even figure out what's wrong with our own cars because we've been asking you to do it for 2 months and you keep saying "I'll take a look at it as soon as I have time." "As soon as you have time, bitch? That's right now!! You're sitting on the couch watching goddamned football and drinking beer. Guess what either you can record or pause your game for 15 to 30 minutes or you can sit there watching it and not have anything to eat for dinner, because I was so busy doing your "job", that I forgot to do my "job"." I put quotations around job because I don't understand why the cooking and the cleaning and the children-taking-care of has to be done solely by the woman and why yard work and fixing cars and sitting-on-there-all-day-watching-the-game-while pretending-to-take-care-of-the-children has to be done solely by a man. I don't work like that. Everyone can do any household job. For example, I have broken the side mirror of my moms car 2 times now. Do you think I was just like "Oh, well, I don't know how to fix a mirror I'll have to take it to Chris to get it fixed." Just FYI, Chris is a real person, he's my mechanic for things that I can't fix on my own. Hey, Chris! I didn't just give up, I did what every person in my generation do, I turned to YouTube and typed into the search bar "How to change the side mirror of a 2005 Ford Focus" *ding* Millions of videos pop up. I click on one, I watch it, I now know the basics for how to change a side mirror on a car, I took me exactly 5 minutes to learn it. How long did it take you Chris? Since then I have now replaced 3 of my mothers side mirrors. One on the drivers side that she did, and two on the passenger side that I did pulling in and out of the garage. Both times. YouTube has gotten ridiculous. Remember way back when when it was filled with music videos and people would post videos of them singing along to the songs. Nowadays, you can search anything on YouTube and find a video on it. For example type in "how to get mangy kids off my lawn" and you will most likely find a ridiculous video on how to keep children and dogs off your lawn. I love YouTube, I watch a lot of gaming videos, some Youtubers that I watch are Markiplier, Jacksepticeye, the GameGrumps (creators of the fabulous game DreamDaddy), The Fine Brothers or FBE, Graveyardgirl or Bunny, and Good Mythical Morning with Rhett and Link. Search any of these Youtubers and watch their videos, and you will not be disappointed. I love how there's a channel out there for any genre. Baking, Cooking, Make-up, Video Games, React Video, and ,my personal favorite, rant videos. Do you guys remember when Chris Crocker did the "Leave Britney Alone" video? He was ugly crying and I'm pretty sure wearing mascara and guy liner and he just keeps yelling into the camera for 30 seconds straight "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!! LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!! YOU *points at person* LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE AND YOU *points at a different person* LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!" And it just goes on like that for 30 seconds of a guy ugly crying over Britney fucking Spears. You thought girls where the best ugly criers, you were wrong, it's the gays. Gays overpower all girl powers by like a 100. A girl will be like "Look at my make up isn't it nice?" And a gay guy with jump out of nowhere add flawlessly apply FaceOff quality make up and be like "you look beautiful, do you like my sexy alien?". Anyways, I just love YouTube, I could watch YouTube video of people playing scary games that look interesting to me but I'm too scared to play *whispers * all day long.