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alinesart3 · 5 months

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Skyfall: Part 2

This fanfiction is written by me and @mostsanenikolaikinnie on pinterest

Pairings: fyodor x nikolai (toxic), sigma x nikolai

Warning: language, su1c1de attempt, god complex

A/N: Part 2 is here!! It took some time because I had to rewrite some scenes but now it’s finally here. (Btw there’s a lot more parts so get ready)

Word count: 1 693

About a mile above the city of Yokohama, Nikolai was falling at a rapid speed, looking up at the Sky casino. "So this is how it is to fly.. Its actually quite peaceful.. such a lovely view from up here, even though it's the last thing I'll see.." he laughed to himself as he admired the beauty and peace of the clouds. Then something popped up in this mind "Sigma.. when I fell.. he tried to catch me.. he seemed.. sad.. and upset..? Sigma, what a strange person you are.. only 3 years old, but yet understand so, so much.. I hope you'll survive in the cruel world without me.." Nikolai closed his eyes and smiled thinking of his friend. Someone who actually cared about him..

Fyodor snapped at Sigma "Why didn’t you stop him?!" Sigma felt his heart sink as he thought to himself "He's right.. I should've stopped him.. did i.. did I technically kill Nikolai?!" Fyodor sighed and looked back out the window "Whatever.." "Do you know how to save him?" Fyodor ignored Sigma "SIR?! WE ARE GOING TO SAVE HIM, RIGHT?!" Fyodor replied calmly, but Sigma could sense annoyance in his voice "Do not yell at me, I'm thinking" Sigma felt slightly embarrassed that he yelled at Fyodor like that "Sorry, Sir.. but we're gonna save him, right?" Fyodor sighed "..Yes" Sigma felt a bit better knowing that Fyodor was on board with the idea. "Thank God.. but we need to hurry and come up with something!" "What do you think I'm trying to do?" Fyodor thought for a moment and Sigma tried coming up with something too. "Do you know anyone that could save him? No one in the DOA can.." Fyodor nodded "I know one person, but convincing him won't be easy.." "Who?!" "Chuuya Nakahara. His gravity manipulation skill is the only thing that can help is in this situation" Sigma looked confused and shocked. "What?! You want to team up with the Port Mafia?!" Fyodor frowned "Are you doubting my decision?" "No- of course not.." Sigma still seemed confused about Fyodor's decision. And also, another question wouldn't leave his head: "May I ask.. why did you decide to save him? I mean, don't you hate Nikolai?" "I do hate him.." Fyodor explained "but I need him to fulfil my plan. You know, to get the Reality-changing book." Sigma realized that Fyodor really does hate Nikolai and he's only using him. All he says to Nikolai is true about leaving him to die after he has the Reality-changing book in his possession. He couldn't leave Nikolai to die, though. And if he's alive there'd be a chance to free him. "But.. Do you think he'll help us?" Sigma pondered "Leave it up to me" Fyodor went away from the window and Sigma followed him shortly.

Fyodor was sitting in the office of the leader of the Port Mafia, Mori.

"Hello sir, you wanted to see me?" The Port Mafia executive, Chuuya Nakahara, who had just been called in by his boss, entered the room. "Yes I did. There's someone who wants to talk to you. They're waiting for you in that room" Mori nodded in the direction of a door. "Alright" Chuuya entered the room and shrieked "FYODOR?!" "Nice to see you too, Chuuya. As your boss said, we need to discuss something" "Make it quick" Chuuya crossed his arms. "So basically Nikolai committed suicide and is falling to his death." Fyodor seemed completely unbothered as if he was having a casual chat with one of his friends. "So I wanted to ask if you can use your gravity manipulation and save him" Chuuya scoffed "Me? Save a member of a rival organisation? Hell no." Fyodor stood up and glared down at Chuuya. "Very well, I'd just like to have a word with your boss before I leave." And then he entered the Port Mafia's boss' office. A few minutes later, Fyodor and Mori re-entered the room where Chuuya was. "Chuuya, go save Nikolai." Mori demanded. "HUH?! WHAT??" Chuuya was completely lost. How did Fyodor manage to convince Mori to help? "Yes. And hurry before it's too late." Mori seemed completely serious about the order. Chuuya knew he couldn't protest. "I- alright.." They went outside to start the rescue mission. "Oh, you convinced him!" Sigma, who’s been waiting for them in the waiting room, exclaimed and ran to Fyodor and Chuuya. "Not exactly.. I convinced his boss" Chuuya rolled his eyes when Fyodor spoke. "Ah, but the main thing is that he's here and will help. Anyhow, we need to locate Nikolai" Sigma opened the closest window and looked outside. Everyone scanned the sky to see if they could spot Nikolai when suddenly Sigma pointed up to the sky and called out "There he is!" Chuuya looked in the direction that Sigma was pointing in and flew up quickly.

Nikolai closed his eyes as he saw the ground come closer and closer. "Finally.. the sweet release of death.. Finally I'll be put out of my misery.. and finally.. Fyodor will be happy.." Suddenly he stopped falling, even though he hasn’t reached the ground yet. He opened his eyes again to see what was going on. Chuuya had decreased Nikolai’s gravity to stop him from falling. "HUH?! What are you doing here?!" Chuuya smirked "Sorry man, you're not gonna die today" Nikolai looked around, utterly bewildered "How- how did you find out about this?! Why did you save me!? I.. I have so many questions.." Chuuya chuckled "Don't worry. Let's just get you back to the others"

"Nikolai!" Sigma ran up to nikolai and hugged him. "I'm.. I'm just so happy you're okay.. I couldn't believe my eyes when you jumped out of the window.. I thought I lost you forever!" Sigma was so relieved and at peace knowing that Nikolai was alive and well. Nikolai smiled. "So you were the one that sent Chuuya to save me?" Nikolai looked over to the place Chuuya stood in, but he had already left. "No, it was Fyodor" Nikolai glanced quickly at Fyodor, who wasn't paying attention to him at all "Fyodor wanted to save me.." Nikolai thought to himself "He wanted me to live?!" He was confused. It didn't make sense! Fyodor hated him! Why would he ever save Nikolai? Could that mean Fyodor loved him after all? "Let's head back to the Sky Casino" Sigma beckoned Nikolai to follow him and the three of them started making their way back to the Sky Casino.

When they arrived in the Sky Casino, Fyodor told Nikolai to follow him into his office. Fyodor closed the door and approached Nikolai. "Nikolai.." Fyodor smiled gently and put his hand on Nikolai’s shoulder. Then suddenly, he sharply raised his hand and slapped Nikolai across. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" Nikolai flinched and muttered "I.. I wanted to see how you'd react..!" Fyodor slapped Nikolai again "See how I‘d react?! Are you insane?! No one in their right mind does something like that! Just for a reaction you wouldn’t even be able to witness?! What part of ‘I hate you’ don‘t you understand?!?" Sigma carefully walked into Fyodor's office as well. Nikolai felt completely deceived and started shouting out of anger "WHY DID YOU SAVE ME THEN, HUH?!" Fyodor stared at Nikolai with a vicious, deadly look in his eyes as he started protesting and shouting at Fyodor. "TELL ME!" Nikolai saw Sigma from the corner of his eye and turned towards him "Sigma.. why did Fyodor save me?" Sigma looked down to the ground. Nikolai sighed and turned back towards Fyodor. "I see. It's all for that stupid plan of yours.. the only thing you see in me is a tool you'll just discard once it doesn't benefit you anymore. Well I'm not going to help you" Nikolai used his cape to teleport himself away. "Nikolai-!" Sigma tried stopping Nikolai from leaving, but he was too slow. "How are we going to get him back, Sir?" Fyodor sighed, clearly annoyed "I'll find a way. Now leave. I need to think." Fyodor waved to the door as a signal for Sigma to leave. Sigma turned away and left the room. He was worried about what Fyodor was going to do to Nikolai.

Fyodor was thinking of ways to get Nikolai to work together with them. "Nikolai’s dumber than I thought. If he does not cooperate voluntarily, I will force him to do so. And I will use whatever it takes to carry out my plan, even if it means to torture him to death."

To be continued…

There will be part 3 don’t worry ;)

Also you can read the fic on Ao3 under the account Dead1whiteMouse

#bungo stray dogs #bsd fanfic #siglai fanfic #nikolai gogol #fyodor dostoevsky #sigma bsd #sigma x nikolai #fyodor x nikolai #alinesart writes fanfic

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tklpilled · 2 years

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i think i like dazai. slightly less after today!

#/j because He Wasnt Serious He Cant Be Right #wait okay spoilers im gonna talk about this as someone who has never read the manga except for that scene today #my knowledge is limited!#but #dazai is genuinely nice to chuuya??#yes he left chuuya alone after the lovecraft fight but tbf he folded up his clothes for him /lh #‘ive thought of many ways to kill chuuya’ as if you havent saved his life? multiple times? willingly?#dazai could literally just leave him if he wanted him dead. there would be nothing else keeping him alive #and being dazai i dont think he’d have a problem with killing someone he hates or leaving them to die #so clearly he doesn’t hate chuuya. and chuuya canonically doesnt hate him either but thats beside the point #when chuuya is using corruption are the most obvious times #but also in dead apple where he says something like ‘i’d rather not help you fight your ability’ while protecting him from the fog #no one said you had to help him! you could just get up and leave!#so i doubt he’s actually leaving chuuya to die this time when he had the chance many other times #not only that but he was totally lying when he said they never had any connection #because immediately before that it showed the moments where they clearly Did #and i dont think dazai is oblivious enough to not realise that #or maybe he is. i dont know #but i don’t think so. how could he go through whatever tf happened in dead apple and not realise they have Something /lh #theyre literally willing to put their lives in the others hands without hesitation #kaz speaks

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nataliaphantomhivesblog · 3 years

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I really don't understand why people think Chuuya was genuienly happy when Dazai left the Port Mafia.

I doubt that Harakuwa took their time to convey such a contemplating and sad expression for people to completely overlook it.

Let's not forget that Chuuya and Dazai were close. They both officially joined the mafia at 15 and had been working together since then.

These two only ever acted like actual teens when they were around each other and they even had their own code language when it came to their plans to defeat their enemies.

Chuuya was basically betrayed by the Sheep so we can expect him fearing of that happening again.

When Dazai left the Port Mafia (I'm not mad at Dazai ofc, his reasons were extremely valid), and then Mori frames Dazai as a traitor to the mafia. You can't tell me that Chuuya didn't feel hurt by this, especially since Chuuya values loyalty, he actually values loyalty to a fault if im being honest.

I personally feel that if Chuuya knew the actual reason as to why Dazai left the PM, he wouldn't have felt as betrayed.

Chuuya and Dazai did have their arguments , but the arguments were very hollow since its pretty clear they both hold a certain care for each other.

I am not saying that after Dazai left Chuuya couldn't function properly, it's obvious Chuuya wasn't a depressing mess after Dazai left. But his partner that he has known for so long to leave without a word and explanation obviously made Chuuya feel anything but happiness.

So in other words: there is a middle ground to Chuuya's feelings. He wasn't in a complete slump when Dazai left but that does not mean he was celebrating either.

Dazai was Chuuya's literal combat partner for about 4 years, it is only logical for him to feel hurt by this.

Also, can we talk about the fact that even if their dynamic was strained due to Dazai's "betrayal" their relationship stayed the same? They both still constantly tease each other, and hold empty death threats above their heads yet there still is this underlying care and trust for one another.

In the Double Black episode/chapter when they had to forcibly work together (which they hadn't done in years), and due to certain circumstances Chuuya had to use corruption, that life-risking power that only the same person that Chuuya boldly "resents" can nullify. So to simplify: In order to use corruption, he needs Dazai to nulify it and if he doesn't then Chuuya will die.

The amount of trust Chuuya still holds for Dazai even after he had left the PM just shows how significant their bond truly is.

I am not even saying this from a shipping perspective, theres so much evidence that points out how strong the partnership and connection that these two share actually is.

(I do ship them ngl, but this post isn't aimed towards romance!)

If you read all the way, thank you so very much! I hope you have an amazing day<3

#Double Black #Soukoku #soukoku #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #nakahara chuuya #chuuya and dazai #Dazai and chuuya #Chuuya x dazai #Dazai x Chuuya #Bsd #Bungou stray dogs #Bungo stray dogs #Chuuya #Dazai

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popopretty · 3 years

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Storm Bringer Spoilers (9)

I finally finished the translation of the last part in the epilogue where it is explained why Verlaine was still alive and how he became after that. Verlaine and Rimbaud’s relationship is just so sad :(

Please feel free to re-translate. Just be aware that I don’t speak English or Japanese as my native language so I may make a few mistakes here and there. Also, some meanings might be lost in indirect translation.

...

Going back in time.

The Demonic Beast Guivre appeared in the wood. Adam blew himself up. Chuuya opened the “gate” and defeated Guivre.

Four minutes and thirty seconds after that.

The place was the site of the collapsed highway overpass. Crushed foundation materials, concrete, wires, steel frames, cylindrical forms and such were scattered and piled up like dead bodies.

On the top of that place, Verlaine was in the progress of vanishing.

He couldn’t bend the tips of his fingers. His breathing was shallow. His vision was so dark and hazy that he couldn’t even see the stars. Verlaine is nothing more than a sealed string of codes. When the singularity lifeform that acted as his main body disappeared, his heart was slowly stopping due to the life-sustaining energy being depleted.

Verlaine’s thoughts were just as shallow and slow as his breath. Even on the verge of being engulfed into the hollow of death, his heart didn’t flinch one bit, nor did it seek for anything.

So this is death, Verlaine thought in his disrupted consciousness. It is not such a big deal as I thought. No groaning in pain, no crying of regrets, no distraught with fear either. It is flat and thoroughly empty. In the first place, my life is not a life that has anything to regret at this point. It is a life that should not have been born from the beginning. I didn’t live in a way as to regret anything either.

It’s just that, I caused troubles to so many people. The French government, my assassination targets, Port Mafia, brother. In the end, I didn’t get anything, even with all of that. That only is like a stain my life’s trail, that I regret a little.

Well, whatever. As you can see, I will die soon so forgive me.

His fingers grew colder and eventually he didn’t even feel the cold anymore.

His heartbeat weakened. And after a brief spasm...

It stopped.

His heart.

A few tens of seconds passed.

Verlaine realized that he was still breathing. At the edge of his field of vision, he saw something red. He turned his eyes to that.

A crimson red cube was passing through his chest and surrounding his heart. That thing was making his heart move.

What the hell is this? Verlaine was confused. It was not because he did not know what the crimson cube was. He was confused because that was something he knew so well.

Why is it here?

“This is the first time I saw you in such a terrible state.”

How nostalgic was that voice.

Verlaine couldn’t believe his own ears. And when the person entered his sight, he started doubting his eyes too.

“No, no...”, Verlaine spoke in a whispering voice. “This can’t be happening. You can’t possibly appear here.”

“Exactly”, the person nodded. “However, showing up in the most unlikely places, at the most unlikely times, isn’t that what a spy is?”

That was Arthur Rimbaud.

A fuzzy outer jacket. A thick scarf around his neck. A pair of earmuffs made from rabbit hair on his head. Long, black hair and somewhat gloomy eyes.

He was the person who saved Verlaine from the lab, and his partner. And the person Verlaine betrayed.

The subspace created by the crimson cube was the sign of Rimbaud’s skill. All substances inside it can be manipulated at Rimbaud’s will.

“Paul, what have you learnt in the world of spies?” Rimbaud sounded surprised as he asked.

“That if you don’t throw away your feelings, you won’t be able to complete the missions, it taught me that much. But what are missions? And what are feelings? Is that to vent out all of my hatred towards human? Or is that to get a little brother? I rushed into this without knowing clearly which one was the mission, and this is the result. If I hadn’t told brother the way to stop Guivre, I would have been able to kill off all those hateful humans.”

“Ahh... I see, you are Rimbaud’s hallucination.” Verlaine said as if he was ridiculing himself. “You are the illusion that I see on the verge of death, the death reaper my guilts are showing me. Otherwise, there is no way Rimbaud who died one year ago would appear here.”

“I’m not a hallucination, neither a reaper. I am a ghost.” Rimbaud shook his head. “I have been waiting for you, in this country.”

Verlaine stared at the other silently, as if he was trying to understand what that existence over there actually was.

“No way, there can be no ghosts.” Verlaine finally shook his head. “Not because it’s unscientific. If you were a ghost and not an illusion, you would not be saving me like this. You would definitely curse me to death.”

“Why?”

“I betrayed you, and tried to kill you.” His cold voice echoed through the night.

Rimbaud didn’t say anything, he looked back at the collapsed Verlaine with calm eyes.

“What’s with those eyes? Be mad at me more, resent me more, punch me, kick me, strangle me, Rimbaud!”, Verlaine screamed, still lying on the ground. “I shot you from the back. That’s why that explosion happened. You were caught up in it and lost your memories, then died in this foreign country not even knowing who you were. If you are a ghost, then there is only one reason that you became one. That’s your grudge towards me, isn’t that right, Rimbaud!”

“It’s the opposite.”, Rimbaud shook his head. “I waited for you because... I wanted to apologize.”

“Apologize? For what?” Verlaine frowned, not getting what he just heard.

“I wanted to help you. And I thought that I was helping.” Rimbaud leaned forward, holding his hand over Verlaine’s chest. “But what I actually gave you, was nothing more than the one-sided sympathy of a man who pretended that he understood. I can’t allow myself to just apologize. I have always been thinking about what I could give. And I finally got the answer on the verge of death. This is it.”

Under Rimbaud’s palm, the space cube grew bigger.

The thing that was at Verlaine’s chest earlier started to expand as if it wanted to shallow his whole body. Then it became huge enough to shallow both Verlaine and Rimbaud inside. That was the subspace created by Rimbaud’s skill. Inside it, Rimbaud is capable of doing anything. Except for bringing the dead back to life.

That exception seemed to be happening.

Verlaine noticed his own fingers twitching. They bent. It wasn’t an illusion. His eyes were also moving. His muddy vision gradually became clear.

“This is...”

Verlaine moved his arm. He twisted and raised his upper body up. He looked at his palm, at the back of his hand, squeezed it, then released it again. He felt his fingers being warmed up by the blood flowing in.

He tried to ask what was happening so he looked at Rimbaud who was there.

Rimbaud was not there.

He collapsed.

By Verlaine’s side.

“What is this?”, Verlaine asked in shock. “I see, you... you used your skill on yourself?”

“A method that I could use only once in life.” Rimbaud said with a faint smile on his face. “But it worked well.”

That was Arthur Rimbaud’s skill.

Transforming dead humans into a skilled lifeform, and using them freely inside the crimson subspace. The person who is turned will have the memories and physical capabilities of their past lives, they can even use skills. It is a skill worthy of a spy that is considered the most elite in Europe, the heresy of the heresies.

Rimbaud used that skill on himself.

“It’s nothing to worry about. I am already dead.” Rimbaud said weakly. “What is left here is just information. But even if it is like that, I feel good. Because I could leave this to you.”

Rimbaud’s body started to glow in red. The way it glowed was familiar to Verlaine.

A redshift. (*TN: A term referring to an increase in the wavelength, and corresponding decrease in the frequency and photon energy. In astronomy, it happened when an object is moving away from us. Good luck Googling.)

“Wait!” Verlaine who realized what was going on, reached out to the collapsed Rimbaud.

“Wait, Rimbaud. Don’t disappear!”

“Because you didn’t like my birthday present.” Rimbaud laughed apologetically.

“Just take this as a birthday present instead. Happy Birthday. I am happy you were born into this life.”

After that, the subspace contracted sharply, sucked into Verlaine’s heart and disappeared.

All that remained was the debris, and Verlaine, and the cool breeze of the night.

Verlaine walked two, three steps with the stunned look on his face. He looked around then sat down on the debris.

“Ha...hahaha.” He looked down and let out a dry laugh.

“Hey Rimbaud, you waited one year for me just to do this? For something like this?”

Verlaine knew, what Rimbaud had done.

To save him, Rimbaud had turned himself into a self-contradictory typed singularity.

Rimbaud, who had turned himself into a skill, used that skill again on his own self who was born as a result of that. Then he continued to apply that skill on his new self that was born. And by repeating this progress, he created a self-contradictory typed singularity. Then he gave that singularity to Verlaine, in place of the Demonic Beast Guivre.

Verlaine tried to stand up but he didn’t have enough strength and dropped his knees on the debris. He was weak. Perhaps, the singularity that Rimbaud created did not have an infinity output like the unlimited energy that the usual self-contradictory typed singularity emits. He could no longer use his inexhaustible gravitational skill like he did before.

But Verlaine didn’t find it particularly regrettable.

Because he was regretting the thing that he just lost that very moment more.

“Why, Rimbaud?” Verlaine looked up to the sky. “Why did you smile at the end? I betrayed you, and you died because of that, you know?”

He knew the answer. He just didn’t want to understand.

Rimbaud, the man who freed him from Faunus and gave him the freedom to live.

Rimbaud, the man who trained him and raised him into a spy, the person who got through all the dangerous missions with him.

Rimbaud, the man who shyly handed him his birthday present.

“Why did you smile?” Verlaine spoke with a trembling voice. “If you turn yourself into a skill, you are no longer human. You will be nothing more than a piece of surface information with a human’s memories and personalities. You knew that for sure. Still why did you wait for me? Why did you have to go that far for someone like me, when you didn’t even know if I would come or not?”

Verlaine finally came to his senses.

The reason why he let Chuuya know how to defeat the Demonic Beast Guivre at that time.

He hated humans. He thought that it would be okay if everyone died. Yet, he gave out the hint to destroy Guivre. That was because he didn’t think that everyone should die, equally.

There was only one exception.

One person worthy of affirming human beings.

“Sorry, Rimbaud.” Verlaine whispered behind his clenched teeth. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t live up to your friendship. I’m sorry I didn’t thank you when I received the birthday present. I am finally grieving the fact that you are not here anymore now...”

Verlaine said so with his trembling voice, as he sat still and looked up to the sky with his eyes closed.

He remained there for a long, long time, looking at the night sky.

...

--------------------------------------------------------------

...

Time pours on everything equally.

Verlaine didn’t die. After surviving with the life he got from Rimbaud, he was confined in Port Mafia’s underground shelter. That was what Verlaine wished for. There was already no place for Verlaine in the outside world. He had lost most of his gravitational skill and the only place he could escape the long and big hands of Europe was the hideout deep underground.

Also, he had no interests in the outside world. There wasn’t anyone he wanted to kill, nor anyone he wanted to meet. Apart from Rimbaud.

And Rimbaud was no longer there.

At first, he just sat in the basement and spent all his time reading and writing poems. When he became bored with that, he started doing what Rimbaud used to do. Training the younger generation.

He hammered his assassination skills and knowledge into the Mafia’s elites in an underground training space. Gin, Izumi Kyouka, and many more.

Those mafias under his discipline all became top-class assassins in a short period of time.

Verlaine didn’t reveal his feelings to anyone. He never told his apprentices nor the Boss the reason why he kept desiring that crippling life underground.

When he was not training his apprentices, he just sat on his wicker chair, waiting for something. He never told anyone what he was waiting for. If he was asked persistently, he would just say “for the storm”. No-one knew what that storm was supposed to mean.

Six years later, Verlaine now has become an indispensable central figure in the Mafia, and risen to the position of one of Mafia’s five executives.

He is still sitting on his wicker chair, waiting for his storm even today.

...

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #storm bringer #spoilers #arthur rimbaud #paul verlaine #bsd spoilers

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caffeinatedseri · 3 years

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Dazai and No Longer Human’s Yozo

It’s no secret that BSD’s Dazai draws heavily from his real life counterpart, especially from his semi-autobiographical work: No Longer Human. To preface, No Longer Human is written from the perspective of the main character Yozo, with the book itself being a documentation of Yozo’s notebooks (essentially his journals) throughout his life.

As you progress through the novel, it becomes increasingly clear that Yozo lives an extremely two-sided life; his foolish personality acts as a facade to others in attempts to hide the darker nature within him.

Dazai shares that obvious similarity with Yozo, but Dazai is characterized in a somewhat vague and mysterious way that leaves a lot of his inner thoughts up to interpretation and inferences. Thus, I’ll be going through some of my favorite quotes from No Longer Human and analyzing Dazai’s character through his similarities to Yozo.

(For the sake of readability, excerpts from No Longer Human will be in pictures, and quotes from the light novel will be in regular block quotes).

Dazai and Yozo’s Participation in Clownery

To start off, Dazai noticeably participates in the same “clowning” as Yozo, which in particular stands out with PM Dazai.

““How did your leg get hurt?” I pointed to the bandages, thinking that it must be the result of some violent fight. “I was reading a book titled ‘How to Prevent Accidental Injuries’ while walking when I accidentally fell into a ditch.” I wasn’t expecting such an abnormal response.” — LN 2, Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era (Oda’s POV)

This is pretty standard Dazai behavior, but the interesting part is how Yozo specifically used the word “deceiving.” If we were to assume Yozo’s true thoughts are Dazai’s as well, then it would imply that Dazai feels as if he’s manipulating people with his absurd claims (such as the above). However, in actuality, his clownish behaviors sound more like a joke, or some type of self-deflection, rather than an attempt to manipulate people. (Yozo also states that he would often incriminate himself by overexaggerating certain things, but I don’t think Dazai does that).

The second statement Yozo makes implies that he doesn’t care about ethics, morality, or the supposed “right way” of living life that’s described as “righteousness.”

Yozo’s statement on “righteousness” parallels Dazai’s in Dark Era, but Dazai’s statement carries a slightly different sentiment. Rather than being indifferent to the likes of morality, Dazai says that he’s “hated” by the concept of morality.

I’ll be speculating a bit here → It’s heavily implied that Dazai had some sort of dark past that led him to joining the mafia, since he was already suicidal prior to doing so. This suggests that something affected his life so drastically to the point where he could no longer trust in such things as “righteousness,” because righteousness has wronged him in the past.

First, Yozo expresses his fear of people discovering his true nature under the mask of clownery, which would then lead to them pestering him for further inquiry. However, his real fear is that people would mistake his true nature as another part of his typical clownery.

More so than before, this attitude reminds me more of Dazai in the agency, rather than him in the mafia. Even though Dazai danced around darker topics in his conversations with Oda, he was still able to talk about them without much conflict. However, in the agency, Dazai doesn’t talk much about himself or any of his personal issues at all.

Although this scene has comedic overtones, it’s interesting to see that no one would help Dazai if he was actually dying. Still, it could be argued that the other agency members knew it was just Dazai’s regular antics. (or that Dazai wouldn’t die in the first place).

This scenario repeats itself another time when Dazai gets kidnapped by the mafia, and the other agency members kind of just brush it aside. As much as they may trust Dazai to take care of himself (which I’m sure he can do), it’s worrying that the other members may not be open to Dazai’s possible attempts at reaching out for help, if he were ever to make one.

In LN 4, 55 Minutes, Atsushi addresses this issue by asking Dazai why he wants to kill himself, but the answer is left open-ended, with Atsushi himself not remembering the answer (or if Dazai even did answer). You could interpret Dazai’s change from his time in the PM as an improvement of his mental state — which I have no doubt that has happened — but Dazai needs to face his issues head-on if he truly wanted to reconcile with his past.

“Perhaps someone should persistently tie Dazai up, open the lid over his chest and stuff the head of a vacuum cleaner in. They have to let Dazai, who should be screaming in pain and resisting, settle down. Following which, the difficult things in his heart must all be dragged out under the sun and stepped on mercilessly.“ — LN 2, Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era

Oda, the man who understood Dazai more than anyone else could at the time, even specifically stated that the pain in Dazai’s heart must be forcefully dragged out, because he knew that this would ultimately be the most beneficial for Dazai’s sanity.

Throughout No Longer Human, Yozo is often misunderstood by others, or other people simply don’t care about him.

When Dazai goes to visit Oda’s grave in Dead Apple, Atsushi finds him and assumes that he’s visiting the grave of someone important to him, as an act of respect or remembrance, something of the sort. However, Dazai makes the automatic assumption that his “clownish words of deceit” (as stated by Yozo) will always be prioritized over the truth, which is why he chooses to brush off his actions as a joke.

Although I made the point earlier that the agency members don’t give Dazai opportunities to open up about himself, Atsushi is notably different, similarly to Oda, because he’s able to take Dazai seriously and persist even through his antics.

Atsushi takes Dazai’s act of visiting a grave seriously, even when Dazai plays it off, because he knows Dazai is a person just like anyone else. This understanding between them leads to Dazai telling Atsushi about Oda, thereby allowing Dazai to divulge a crucial part of his past.

Dazai and Yozo’s Friendships

Similarly to Yozo, Dazai’s attempt at “disentangling” himself from these relationships only serves to wear him out in the end. However, they also slightly differ in a way: Yozo is unable to form any friendships for his whole life, but Dazai had Oda. I would argue that Oda was Dazai’s only friend, mostly because of this quote:

“Odasaku understood him far beyond what Dazai had ever thought. He had already reached close to his heart, the place near the center of his heart. Before this, Dazai had never noticed there was someone who understood him so well. For the first time in his life, Dazai wanted to know something from the depths of his heart.” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Oda was special to Dazai because Oda was able to understand him — maybe even more than Dazai could understand himself — which is why Oda is the only person that Dazai asks for advice from.

However, Dazai does the same thing as Yozo when he “plays the clown” as a form of self-protection from such valuable friendships. (which is probably preventing him from becoming closer to the rest of the agency).

“Things that we don’t want to lose will definitely be lost. Now that it has come to this, I have no more feelings anymore. Things worth pursuing will always disappear the moment before you get them. Nothing is worth prolonging a painful life to pursue.” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Interestingly enough, Dazai says this when Ango is revealed to be a spy — before Oda dies. If Dazai was in this state of distress from Ango’s betrayal, you could only imagine how devastating Oda’s death was.

Dazai speaks as if he’s speaking from experience, which suggests that he’s faced a similar loss in the past. Despite this implied experience, he still became friends with Oda (and Ango to an extent), fully knowing that it would only bring him pain in the end. Dazai's statement here acts more as a front that makes him sound cold and detached from the situation, only to hide how he truly feels about losing one of his only friends.

To give some context to this passage, Yozo’s partner, Yoshiko, had been sexually assaulted by a coworker, of which Yozo attributes the cause to her overly trusting nature. Thus, this leads to Yozo’s belief that trustfulness is inherently wrong or creates weakness.

Dazai’s hesitance to form friendships most likely stems from this same inability to trust others like Yozo, but Dazai does trust a few people, namely Chuuya, Oda, and Atsushi.

With Chuuya, there’s a different type of trust between him and Dazai. Their impeccable trust is obviously a key factor in their partnership as SKK, but there’s a certain limit with this trust. They certainly trust each other in battle, but I’d argue that this trust doesn’t extend to their personal business.

As of now, we don’t know a lot about how SKK interacted with each other during their time in the mafia (which could change with the new LN), but I doubt PM Dazai would feel comfortable with confiding in Chuuya with anything because they (kind of) hated each other. The level of trust required for a friendship would involve a mutual understanding between two people, but Chuuya and Dazai haven’t necessarily shown us that they were able to do that.

Dazai essentially broke his trust with Chuuya by leaving the mafia on a whim, but he also intentionally antagonized himself to try to make Chuuya hate him.

This scene also has comedic overtones, but it suggests something a bit sadder about Dazai. There are possibly two motivations as to why Dazai chose to do this: (or a mix of the two)

1. Dazai didn’t want Chuuya to be incriminated as his accomplice when he became an enemy of the mafia.

2. Dazai wanted to push Chuuya away because Oda — Dazai’s most trusted friend — had just died. As a form of self-protection, Dazai broke whatever semblance of friendship he shared with Chuuya in order to prevent the same pain that came with Oda’s death.

It’s also important to consider that trust is a 2-way street; both parties have to have the same level of trust in each other. Just like Yozo, if Dazai is unable to trust anyone, then he may have cut Chuuya off to protect him (since Chuuya may have trusted Dazai more than Dazai was able to reciprocate).

In contrast, Oda and Dazai have a level of unspoken trust that basically motivates Dazai to change his entire life.

“Odasaku’s eyes radiate with conviction. The words are clearly said with some sort of strong basis. Is it past experience? Or perhaps someone’s suggestion? — He is trying to show Dazai the path he once walked. Dazai understands this. Dazai can trust it.“ — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Returning to Yozo’s question — “Is trustfulness a sin?” — Dazai answers it by showing us the strength of trust in this moment. Trust insinuates blind faith in another person, the willingness to believe someone else without logical reasoning, which makes it all the more important when PM Dazai — the genius prodigy who operates on a solely logical basis — is able to trust Oda and change his path in life.

Atsushi is most likely the one that Dazai trusts the most in the agency, due to the aforementioned issues with the other members. However, it seems more like a budding trust that’s growing to become like Oda and Dazai, but it still requires Dazai to take that step forward to further their trust.

Dazai and Yozo’s View of the World

In this scene, Yozo had made a decision for immediate gratification, but that choice caused him insufferable pain afterwards — supporting his belief that the world was a “place of bottomless horror.”

This parallels two of Dazai’s statements: one from Dark Era and one from Dead Apple.

“Please, take me with you. Wake me up from this rotten world of a dream. Come on, come on, come on!” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

(Dazai wasn’t talking about himself here, but the allusion sets up a situation where he can talk about himself indirectly — I talk about it more in my other post here)

We don’t really get a reason for why Dazai is suicidal, but from this we can infer that it’s something more complex than he makes it out to be — something like an issue deeply rooted within the world, with no easy solution.

One could guess that this was the result of an unfortunate decision (like Yozo), or the realization that the world was simply a terrible place (possibly because no one cared for him as a kid and he had Mori as a “parental” figure instead).

Yozo expresses his lack of understanding in the compassion of human nature, but Dazai (as we know) seems to understand other people perfectly, as least enough to manipulate them.

However, this forms somewhat of a paradox: Dazai understands people so well to the point that he can’t understand them.

Dazai understands every flawed aspect of a human being — the tendency to manipulate, lie, kill, etc. — most likely because of his past as a young child. “Human beings never did teach” him the hopeful aspect of human nature — the ability to love and cherish others.

Shibusawa in Dead Apple reflects this mindset, but take note of what Dazai says: “You wouldn’t be saying that if you actually had friends” — clearly a reflection of Dazai’s personal experience, by knowing how important friends are.

Yozo’s deathly fear of society tames itself when he comes to the realization that society is really just made up of a bunch of individuals working for their individual benefit, so he has no reason to fear society as a whole.

I don’t believe Dazai has this same fear of society, but he does reflect this individualistic mindset in the way he acts. Often enough, Dazai doesn’t tell anyone about his plans and would rather manipulate people into following such plans, even when it would be easier to cooperate. He always takes care of conflicts by himself, and by his standard.

Yozo’s fear of society possibly manifested into Dazai’s ostracization from society. More speculation here, but → My guess is that Dazai was alienated not only as a genius isolated for his intelligence, but also for his ability. There seems to be some division between regular society and ability-users’ society, but I can see Dazai being rejected by both because he’s the antithesis to all abilities.

Regular society would either shun him like other users or attempt to exploit him for their personal gain (possibly for his intelligence AND his ability), or ability-users would see him as a threat and/or menace to their safety.

When Yozo considers a double suicide with his partner, he comes to this unsure conclusion of whether or not he actually wants to go through with it.

This reflects what Oda believes about Dazai:

“I thought you and Dazai were very similar, unable to see the value of your life, hoping for death, hence jumping into a world of violence and fighting. But that’s not the case. That guy is just a child who’s too smart. Just a crying child who’s been left alone in the darkness, a world of nothingness far emptier than the world we can see.“ — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

At the end of the story, Gide and Oda are different from Dazai because they face an inevitable hopelessness. However, Dazai has a small spark of hope to live on that persists beyond the other two.

This is represented in Dazai’s own statement to Oda, when Oda is set on walking to his death: “Go and rely on something, hope for something good to happen next, that something will definitely happen.”

If anything, this sounds more like a plea to himself than to Oda, but it establishes an important point: hope is built upon the assumption that the future will treat your present desires well. Vice versa, hopelessness is built upon the expectation that the future will neglect your present desires.

It’s a bit wordy, so I’ll elaborate on. Right after Dazai says this line, they proceed to talk about their desires → Dazai wants to find a reason to live, so he joined the mafia; Oda wanted to become a novelist, so he didn’t kill anyone.

Now, the difference between hope and hopelessness:

Oda feels hopeless because he expects that his present desire (to become a novelist) won’t be fulfilled in the future. By losing the one qualification that he felt he had to follow (not killing anyone), he no longer believes that he can become a novelist.

Dazai has hope because he assumes that his present desire (to find a reason to live) will be fulfilled in the future. He doesn’t know that for sure, but he persists onwards regardless of having full assurance or not.

Dazai’s hope and trust in Oda brings him to where he is in the present, and takes him one step closer towards discovering his reason to live.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd meta #bsd analysis #bsd dazai #dazai analysis #no longer human #bsd oda #surprisingly more oda than i expected #very ramble-y i apologize in advance

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dreamkidddream · 3 years

Note

Heya! It’s me again!! Can I request a BSD crew with Dazai, Chuuya, and Atsushi with a older siblings reader that really cares for them and is overprotective. (Really cold on the outside, but with them its a whole different story) Sorry it’s long!! Looking forward with your works!

Thank you for the request and thank you for reading!! Sorry about the wait, and it got kinda long. Reader is gender neutral and hope you enjoy!

TW: Suicide talk in Dazai’s (nothing too heavy is mentioned), and small spoiler for Oda (I know I keep bringing him up but I love him okay), abuse mentioned in Atsushi’s

Being an Overprotective Older Sibling (Sour but Sweet) with: Dazai, Chuuya, and Atsushi

Dazai

He stresses you out so, so, SO MUCH

You were ready to just wrap him up in a straitjacket and just attach him to your back, but you figured he would find a way to break free or kill himself (or even both)

When people saw the two of you together, on the outside, it looked either like a: you were handling an overgrown toddler or b: he was being held hostage by this scary looking individual that looks like they could rearrange your organs from the inside out

But, with you guys, it was the complete opposite. You were the best relative that Dazai had and could count on, but you refused to let him try any suicide attempts from his book (at least while he was in your presence). You were really sweet, always made sure to look out for him, and constantly protecting him.

When you came into the ADA looking just for him, everyone was confused. Who was this random stranger coming in with the coldest expression, asking specifically for Dazai, holding a wrapped box. They knew that he had many enemies that range from now to his past, so now they were assuming that you were someone that came to get revenge.

Kunikida tried to intercept you first, but you told him that you only came to see Dazai and no one else. And that he better still be alive and uninjured or else. Well, they obviously took that as a threat and before a whole brawl could break out, here walks in Dazai and Atsushi

“Oh, (Y/N)! What a surprise to see you on this lovely day. Here to check on your dear little brother?” Hold up...BROTHER?? DAZAI HAS A SIBLING, AND HE’S THE YOUNGEST??! Poor Kunikida is about to malfunction and Ranpo is just sitting back enjoying the show with his snacks

“Osamu...How many times do I have to tell you...stop forgetting your lunch! You need to eat properly. And before you even say anything, you are going to eat this. I know you didn’t eat breakfast this morning, because just drinking coffee is not breakfast, and...”

You went from getting ready to whoop some ass to nagging him what is going on

And that was the day that the Agency found out that Dazai had an older sibling. They were wondering why you never came to the office, and when you responded that is was, “none of their damn business”, they decided not to question it (at least in front of you). And they were so shocked to see you act, no be, so delicate with him. You were still talking to about your lunch, looking at him with the softest expression telling him, “I know you struggle with caring for yourself, so let me do it for you. You’re my younger brother, Osamu, let me do my job in taking care of you. You won’t let me protect you when you’re on the job, so let me protect you everywhere else.”

So, he was the reason why you weren’t working in the office alongside him? And it was true. After his days in the Port Mafia, when you were working alongside him, it was fine. He hated that you always got in the line of fire to “protect” him (and he knew and kept telling you that he didn’t need it, and if he did get hurt, to just let him suffer, to let him die). You didn’t understand his complete need to end his life, and it ate you up inside, but it also you a new resolve. Maybe he didn’t believe that his life was important or that he mattered to someone, so you took it to show him that someone did care, that you cared.

It backfired one day on a mission, when you took a bullet that was meant for him. You were so close to death that day, knocking right on His door, and it shook him to his core. Back in those days, he cared for you and Oda, and cared little for himself. He came so close to losing you, and he realized he wouldn’t know what to do without you. You were one of the only people (honestly beside Oda) that he actually felt some kind of emotion for, and he would be damned if he lost you too

So he came with a new resolution after he left the Mafia, he would handle the dangerous life, while you stayed home. You obviously strongly rejected this idea, but he left no room for refusal. He rather be the one close to death than you, you still deserved to live life, not him.

It led to a very long, emotionally draining, confrontational argument for hours, but the decision was made. You would live a regular life, far from any kind of violence or death, working a regular job while he would put his life on the line. On the terms that he would constantly keep you updated (ie. not ignoring your hourly calls and texts), actually eat the food that you prepare (breakfast, lunch, and dinner), and not push you away whenever he needed someone to leave on.

You also threatened politely let him know that if these conditions weren’t followed, then all bets are off and you would raise hell. You were here to stay and you’ll make sure that he is too

You were a positive influence on Dazai’s life, and it was so funny how you would switch personalities. How you switch from being so kind and childlike to so frigid and antisocial was very entertaining to see. He does love you, and while you would try to police his every move (which was literally impossible), he wouldn’t change it for the world.

Plus he LIVED for you coming to stop by in the office now, seeing how Kunikida would try to avoid eye contact with you and Atsushi nervously sweating in his seat was hilarious. He knew you wouldn’t hurt them, but it was still pretty amusing

Chuuya

Opposite of Dazai, you stress him out SO MUCH

Part of it is because you’re overprotective, another part of it is because you are a complete smartass and you knew it

“Damn (Y/N) can you LET ME BREATHE FOR A SECOND?!”

“...”

“Seems like you’re breathing fine to me.”

“WHY YOU-“

But, he may complain, but he actually didn’t dislike that you were working with him in the Port Mafia. You could keep an eye on him, and he could make sure that you didn’t get into any extra trouble that could interfere with his missions or have you get disciplined by Mori. It was a win-win for you both

If there was one thing that he could change though, is your constant need of trying to take the hits designated for him. He doesn’t need you always jumping in front of him, defending him with your own body. He was more than capable of taking care of himself, if he wasn’t then not only would he not be one of the top executives, but he also wouldn’t still be alive

Also he has a reputation to uphold. How was he suppose to display his raw power and talents when you were continuously intruding on his cases?! Not to mention the fact that you act so detached when you’re dealing with the other members. It’s to the point that they’re too intimated to even make eye contact with you

Which he thought was so bizarre because you were one of the nicest people that he has ever come in contact with (even though he was your brother and you guys interacted with each other every day). You played the annoying sibling role very well (too well in fact), but you still make sure to look out for him and make sure that he’s okay, emotionally and physically.

He understood why you did it, but at the same time he didn’t. You were both extremely strong, and he was the one with the better ability (not to mention that he’s the one that has Arahabiki inside of him). It came off that obviously you wanted him safe, but also that he couldn’t handle what comes at him. He’s not a little kid, he’s not some weakling that needs to be persistently protected, you both didn’t survive this long solely because of you, it was because of you both. It was a teamwork effort, and while he gets that he’s your youngest brother, he worries about you too

And he proved his point one night, when he had to dress your wounds after a mission went south. Here he was, scolding you and cursing about how stupid you were being, and the more he went on, the more you figured that he was angrier at himself for letting this happen.

“Why is it so hard to understand that I want to protect you too?! Why don’t you give a damn about yourself like how you do about me?! You act like this entirely new person on the field like you don’t give a damn what happens to you and it PISSES ME OFF! Just like you protect me, I can and will protect you. I may be loyal to the Port Mafia, but you come first, always.”

After that, you did let him handle his own battles (but if he got a single scratch on him, then you will be joining whether he agrees or not). You were still annoying in Chuuya’s eyes, but it was just him being his stubborn, short tempered self about his older relative. He wants the best for you without a doubt and he wants you to realize you don’t have to carry this imaginary burden of protecting him, because you weren’t the powerful one in the family. He had your back just like you had his. You were one of the only things that still convinced him that he was still human and not a monster, and no words will measure just how much he appreciates you for that. You had your moments when you were irritating the hell out of him, but he still loved you regardless

Besides, you were the only person who somehow was able to get one of his favorite vintage wines (it still confused him so much how you got it and not him, and you refused to tell him) so he definitely couldn’t afford to lose you

Atsushi

Okay, you do not play about this man, ever

After growing up in the orphanage and joining the ADA, it took a while to get readjusted to being around people that weren’t trying to purposely harm you for just existing. For Atsushi, even though he was hesistant to join the agency, you were honestly against it. Sure, it was a fresh start from that horrible place, but it was also another gateway for danger. Not to mention how sketchy this suicidal guy was, if he was able to join the agency there’s no telling what other nut cases are apart of it too

Plus, you needed to keep your brother in your presence at all times. Enough has happened to him already, and you were going to do everything in your power to prevent him from going through that type of pain ever again, you swore

But after he discovered that he’s the weretiger that’s been causing trouble (which you had a hunch about but no way to confirm) and with him having no type of knowledge on how to control this new ability, it seemed like you two had no choice but to stay with the ADA. You weren’t very happy about this arrangement, but if it was able to help Atsushi with his newfound ability and provided you with the means to support you both (ie. getting paid), then so be it. You sucked it up and both joined

It took...some time for the other members to get used to your demeanor. Having someone in the agency give off such an intense deadly vibe was a little unsettling. It seemed like Kenji, Ranpo, and Dazai were the only three (besides your brother) that weren’t phased by it, but other people like the Tanizaki twins tried to steer clear of you as much as they could

It wasn’t that they hated you, it’s just...your aura wasn’t the friendliest. And it was even more confusing since you were the exact opposite for your brother! You conversed and laughed with him, but you never did it with the others. Watching Kunikida and Dazai do their daily banter didn’t even make you crack a smile. But whenever you were around Atsushi, it seemed like you were carefree, glowing even. It was evident that you both kept each other smiling and positive, and it warmed everyone to see

Whether it was desk duty or field missions, you were both always paired with each other. If Dazai and Atsushi were assigned to a case, guess who was also magically assigned with them too? If he was stuck on desk duty, you were too. No one had a problem with it surprisingly. Which was a complete lie but after you...made a convincing argument, they left you alone and let you tag along with your brother as long as it didn’t interfere with the success of the case

Junichiro low key understood it though, don’t be fooled cause he’ll snap for his sister too if he had to

You didn’t even give any enemies the chance to even come close to Atsushi. That’s how serious you were with keeping your word. Even when him and Akutagawa fought, you would find a way to get involved. You will not let anyone else hurt your brother again if you could help it

He did get upset with you, whenever you did this, which led to a really bad blowout between you two. You figured this was going to happen sooner or later. It just seem like Atsushi was ready to prove himself to someone when he didn’t have to, but you didn’t understand why he felt that need.

Ever since you guys have been in that hellhole of an orphanage, you always tried to protect each other, but you always tried to take the beatings that were meant for him. He always blamed himself for you being beaten and tortured. It was his fault, if he just takes the abuse and the “punishments” by himself, then you wouldn’t have to get involved and suffer because of him. If Atsushi wasn’t so frail, if he wasn’t so weak, if he just wasn’t a mistake-

“Naka, you okay? You’re zoning out again. You’re gonna walk right into the street if you don’t stop that!”

“R-right. Sorry (Y/N). I guess what happen-“

“The orphanage still gets to you, I know. Please stop blaming yourself, Nakajima. It wasn’t any of our faults, and I don’t blame you for none of it. If anything, I should have done a better job of protecting you. There’s no excuse, neither one of us should have went through what we did, especially you. If anything, I’m the one that needs to apologize. I should’ve tried harder in keeping you-”

“(Y/N) stop saying that! Neither one of us deserved it! You can’t be the strong one for the both of us. I want and have to protect you too! I want to be confident enough in myself and my ability to keep you safe. I already failed when we stuck at that damn orphanage, I’m not going to fail you again! Damn it (Y/N)! Give me a chance to prove to you that I can take care of you like how you took care of me!”

You were stunned. Did your little brother carry this much of a burden because of you? How long has he been feeling this way? He didn’t have to prove himself to you! He was more than enough, and you couldn’t help but feel guilty thinking that it was your fault for him feeling this way

After a very long heart to heart with him, you finally understood where he was coming from. You couldn’t promise him that you would stop your protective nature, but you did let him fight his own battles for once (but you still weren’t letting him get seriously hurt, that still wasn’t going to happen obviously). He told you that he was getting older, and that like it or not that you weren’t always going to be by side. He needed to learn how to stand on his own two feet, and while he loved that you were there for him to lean on, he needed this for himself and for you. He knew that being the best brother that he could be was getting stronger and getting better with his ability, he owed you that much

Atsushi loves you, and he has the same resolve like you. Being that you two are the only thing that you both have left in this world, he wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t lose you under any circumstances. Him bettering himself everyday with the help of you and the agency members and was more than enough to make sure that wouldn’t happpen

#bsd headcanons #bsd imagines #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs reader insert #bungou stray dogs headcanons #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd dazai x reader #dazai x reader #osamu dazai x reader #bsd chuuya x reader #bsd chuya x reader #bsd atsushi x reader #chuya x reader #atsushi x reader #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bsd atsushi

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along-came-atsushi · 4 years

Text

Fyodor’s Ability

This is probably the umpteenth theory written about Fyodor’s ability in this fandom. But I wanted to express my own thoughts I had in mind since reading/watching the story.

I’m curious which things in this theory will turn out to be wrong or right, when his ability gets revealed in the future.

[Beware: Some spoilers starting from chapter 77]

What we know so far:

1.) People are not able to protect themselves from Fyodor’s ability via clothing:

-> His ability relies on the fact that he has to touch his victims, but it doesn’t matter if it’s the bare skin or clothing.

2.) He’s able to change or remove certain emotions from people’s brains:

3.) Therefore, his ability seemingly has something to do with his victim’s brain, as they all die due to their heads exploding and the fact that he’s even able to alter/remove people’s emotions.

Things that are pretty unclear until now is whether Fyodor is able to control his ability or not, and which factor serves as trigger.

Possibilities:

1.) Fyodor is fully able to control his ability -> just like Akutagawa can control Rashomon.

2.) Fyodor is not able to control his ability and his ability reacts to any person he touches -> just like Dazai and his ability.

3.) Fyodor is not able to control his ability and his ability reacts on its own, but only in a certain situation -> The same problem Atsushi faced with his ability before joining the ADA. Another example is Yosano not having control over her ability when she gets heavily injured, or Odasaku’s ability activating whenever he’s in danger.

4.) Fyodor is able to control his ability, but his ability is still dependent on a certain situation in order to activate -> kinda like Kunikida can use Doppo Poet whenever he wants, but he needs his notebook for that. Chuuya can decide whenever he uses Corruption, but has no control over himself after that.

The confrontation with Ace:

- If we consider Possibility 1 (Fyodor being fully able to control his ability) then some things during the scene with Ace don’t make sense:

It’s weird that Fyodor needed to trick Ace into committing suicide. If he has full control over his ability, then he could’ve just simply touched Ace and the problem would’ve been finished. They were even completely alone in the room for a while and just sitting inches away from each other. Yet, Fyodor did not, for some reason, decide to touch Ace and kill him that way.

The reason for this could be simply because Fyodor loves to torture people by manipulating them and he did just that with Ace. But the whole set-up of playing that card game with him, telling Ace’s subordinate Karma something false about his ability, just for Ace to think that his ability has a different power, and then waiting for Ace to go nuts and commit suicide… a little bit too much work compared to a simple and quick touch.

Therefore, I doubt that it was just this reason alone. And Ace isn’t on the intellectual level that Dazai is, so that Fyodor would’ve enjoyed a “challenge” in outdoing him in his scheming.

It’s also different what he later does with the children. He needed to use those children in order to break Kunikida and impede the ADA.

- If we consider Possibility 2 (Fyodor is not able to control his ability and his ability reacts to any person he touches), then the scene with Karma doesn’t make sense:

-> Karma was able to touch Fyodor, but didn’t die back then. And as we know by now, people aren’t able to protect themselves from Fyodor’s ability via clothing.

With this there still remains Possibility 3 (Fyodor is not able to control his ability and his ability reacts on its own, but only in a certain situation) and Possibility 4 (Fyodor is able to control his ability, but his ability is still dependent on a certain situation in order to activate). Which brings us to the question:

Which factor triggers Fyodor’s ability?

What the name ‘Crime and Punishment’ could mean:

“Have you never wondered why my special ability doesn’t leave me in this fog? I am crime. I am punishment. Did you know? Crime and punishment are close friends. Borders vanish. Rooms awaken.”

“Crime and punishment are close friends.”

-> His ability could have something to do with guilt, since guilt is the worst punishment you can feel for your own crime.

Fyodor is well aware that the things he does are considered crimes, and despite his outer behaviour he feels guilty for the things he does or thinks he has to do.

The difference is that he believes he does it for the greater good and for humanity’s sake.

(And look at his face, he’s not exactly delighted about killing children.)

If his ability is based around guilt, then his victims also need to feel this certain emotion in order for Fyodor to use it. Or in other words, his ability gets triggered by this certain emotion. Considering the above where it’s explained that Fyodor must have some kind of semi-control over his ability (due to the whole Karma situation), then this means it belongs to Possibility 4 (Fyodor is able to control his ability, but his ability is still dependent on a certain situation in order to activate).

Having this theory in mind, then his confrontation with Ace has another meaning, other than Fyodor simply having fun with his mind games:

Ace does have zero regard for his subordinates, treating them like mere tools, literally calling them slaves. All this gets emphasized by his ability alone, that allows him to turn the life of a human (“trash” from Ace’s POV) into diamonds.

And Ace tells this Fyodor right off the bait, meaning with this information Fyodor knew that Ace didn’t feel any guilt about his actions (his crimes) and for his subordinates at all. If Ace doesn’t feel any guilt at all, from which Fyodor’s ability might be dependent on, then he wouldn’t be able to use it against him. Therefore, Fyodor couldn’t kill him by touching him, and needed to trick him.

Other possible hints for his ability being based on guilt are these:

Karma’s death:

-> Even though he had no power whatsoever over his upbringing and was sold as a slave since childhood, Karma still felt guilty for the things he had been doing since (or was forced to do), calling himself a bad person and seeing himself as unworthy of any help. Something which he personally revealed to Fyodor.

Ivan:

-> We don’t know what Fyodor’s “Happiness to the World” looks like. But Ivan must have had some kind of epiphany when Fyodor “removed the part of his brain that feels unhappiness”. Assuming that Fyodor is only able to remove the part of the brain that feels guilt, to which Ivan refers to as unhappiness, then people would indeed feel happier about their lives.

Nikolai:

-> Another character with a connection to Fyodor who mentions things like “emotions”, “freedom”, and “guilt”. Nikolai claims that Fyodor is the only one who truly understands him, so much that he even considers him a friend. Which means that Fyodor must’ve experienced something in his past similar to Nikolai and/or that he has the same notion as Nikolai (killing innocents for the greater good, living with the guilt of murder).

[Side note: Since Nikolai is planning to kill Fyodor now, Fyodor in return could be the one to actually kill Nikolai once and for all, simply confronting him with his guilt. Which would mean that in the end Nikolai would get his freedom by dying through Fyodor’s hands, freeing him from his emotions towards Fyodor and his guilt.]

[[Side side note: Even though I don’t want this to happen and hope it doesn’t end this way, because Nikolai is one of my fav characters. And he just respawned, it wouldn’t be fair, man! Everything… everything but the clown!]]

Why does Fyodor want to become God? His (possible) origin:

[Please keep in mind that the following is just mere speculation and just an example of what could’ve happened!]

Fyodor sees ability users as sinners and wants to rid the world of them. From his ideology this makes him a sinner too, because he himself is an ability user.

And maybe that is the reason why he so vehemently pursues this goal. Because he himself feels guilt for something he has done in the past.

An example for this would be:

Maybe someone close to him (his father or mother) accidentally killed someone (maybe through a car accident). And because of this they felt guilt over that person’s death.

Fyodor unaware and not in control of his ability at that time wanted to comfort this person close to him (through physical contact), which then led to him killing this person by accident in return.

A trauma like this could’ve been the source for his ‘ability users are sinners’ ideology and why he wants to change the world.

#Fyodor Dostoevsky #fyodor dostoevsky bsd #nikolai gogol bsd #ivan goncharov bsd #Bungou Stray Dogs #Nikolai Gogol #Ivan Goncharov #bsd meta #bsd theories #BSD #my metas #another meta that was in my drafts for a year or so

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chuuyasnumber1simp · 3 years

Text

Warm Touches Melt Cold Stares Akutagawa x fem reader

A/N- because it’s me, and I love writing it, you better bet this gonna be hurt/comfort, and angsty at that. This what I write when I have no requests lol so get ready for the pain train. This is gonna be an ongoing fic btw.

This time, reader is going to have anxiety and bipolar depression, two things I can write well because I have them. If you want to see something else from me feel free to drop a request!

(Reader is 19)

Warnings: Mentions of Self Harm, Attempted Sexual Assault

Word Count: 2706

You were cold.

But then again, you always were.

Not towards people, not physically- that which surprised people based on your ability.

You hugged your arms closer to your body, feeling the telltale pinpricks of frost letting you know your ability activated.

It was comforting, in a way. The coldness that surrounded your body, it was the only thing letting you know that you were here, and not still asleep, floating in the inky black of your dreams. You preferred the endless ocean of black to your current waking world, marred by emptiness and fear.

You liked to pretend that the numbness that filled you somedays could merely be explained by being a result of your ability. Like your brain was slowly becoming frostbitten. On the days you didn’t even recognize yourself in the mirror, you often wondered why the temperature of your skin didn't match how you felt.

Some days you woke up and felt as if something had melted the ice encasing your insides, your brain. That maybe, you would get better. Then, sometimes on the same day,

You didn’t want to die, yet you couldn’t find reason to continue this life that you lead. That was the reason you kept waking up, day after day, always reaching out to find maybe just a glimpse of purpose. You had believed your ability was a gift, when you were a child. A stupid, naïve child you were, to believe it was anything but a curse. That’s what you parents thought, when you manifested your ability. At first, all had gone well. When you were little, you didn’t know that frost and ice can burn someone if it’s cold enough.

You didn’t know that being too cold would cause hypothermia, and death.

You were just a stupid, naïve child, who froze her parents to death, completely unaware of what she’d done. You didn’t know how or why, the memory's becoming more foggy with time. Your grandparents had taken you in after that, and they were kind. But even they could overcome your hesitance, your fear of being close enough to anyone to bring harm.

Prior to arriving in Yokohama, you had let your guard down, just for a moment. No one at work knew of your ability, you had kept it a secret for fear of peoples reactions.

Another stupid mistake.

You had a boyfriend, and you were happy. That was one of the longest times the coldness went away.

But one day, you had gotten into an argument, over something stupid. You couldn’t even remember what now. He tried to leave, walk away from the argument, and in your anger, you reached out and grabbed his wrist.

You’ll never forget the scream that ripped through the house.

It was like your parents all over again.

Around his wrist, there was a massive blister, red and swelling, about the size of your hand. He had fallen to to the ground, clutching his arm and screaming.

So you ran.

Ran out of his house, left your grandparents, left behind everything you knew. You took the bus as far away as you could, leaving you in Yokohama.

You vowed to never use your ability again. At least, not on anyone else. You wondered if there had been a police investigation back in your hometown, or if anyone even tried to find you.

You doubted it.

So here you were, looking for an apartment in Yokohama, having arrived three days ago.

You still had access to your bank account, and have been paying for a hotel room. It was cheap and crappy, but at least it was somewhere to sleep. People there didn’t ask why you wore a mask, and they didn’t ask why you had gloves on in spring. But it was, unfortunately for, where certain unsavory characters liked to be.

You were trying to walk back to your hotel room, after a rather unfulfilling day, when a group of four men whistled and shouted as you walked by. As a woman, you were used to this. You ignored them and continued, but when you heard their footsteps after you, you walked a little faster, subconsciously allowing frost to cover your fingers. Your heart beat quickened as you walked past your room, hoping that someone would notice your current predicament.

This was the downfall of everyone turning the other cheek. Situations like these were commonplace, and even the staff did not get involved. At this point, you were flat out running, almost tripping down the stairs in your haste to escape them. They followed after, relentless.

You felt your heart sink as the stairs you had gone to had not lead to the lobby, but the laundry room and staff exit.

The staff exit was locked, and the laundry room was empty.

No one would come to your aid here.

“Well well well, what do we have here. Someone’s a little feisty. But I think this going to have to be the end of the road for you,”

The men boxed you in against the wall the one speaking before trying to grab your arms. You squirmed and wiggled, trying your hardest to wrench yourself free from his grasp. Someone from the back pressed a blade against your throat, instantly halting all motion.

“That’s better pretty lady. Now hold still for me,”

You tried to scream, but the second you opened your mouth someone roughly shoved a wadded up shirt in it, muffling all noises.

The man pinning your arms shoved his knee in between your legs, forcing them apart. On instinct, you let your ability -and fear- take over, and watched as the frost from your arms spread to his. He yelled and dropped his arms, giving you the moment to knock the knife from the other mans hand, and made a break for the stairs.

“Not so fast,”

Someone kicked your ankle just as you had made it to the stairs, causing you to fall and slam your face into them. Despite the tears flowing down your cheeks and the blood that dripped from your nose, you attempted to crawl upwards, only to be yanked backwards and throw back to the wall.

You lay there dazed, your vision swimming as the men surrounded you once more. You closed your eyes and felt a small, cold tear slide out of your eye, resigning yourself to your fate.

“Excuse me gentlemen, but that’ll be enough now. Didn’t your parents ever teach you to respect women?”

You heard a voice from the staircase, and watched as a man with orange hair and a fedora descended the steps, a red aura glowing around him.

“And who do you think you are?” the man who held the knife at you spoke.

“Chuuya Nakahara, executive to the Port Mafia,”

The men seemed to flinch at his name, though you had no idea who he, or the Port Mafia were.

“Listen, I don’t care if you run the Port Mafia, mind your own business,”

“I really wish you hadn’t said that. Akutagawa, over here!”

Another man came down the stairs, covering his mouth with his hand. They both looked intimidating, and you curled in on yourself, as if that would do anything to protect yourself.

“Rashomon,”

When the man with the black jacket spoke, something black and red, almost like cloth, or elastic, pierced the man who spoke against Chuuya, and was flung across the room. After that, the rest of them scattered, obviously not willing to die at the hands of this cold ability user.

Yanking the shirt out of your mouth, you crawled backwards, whimpering quietly as Chuuya approached you. Back pressed flat against the wall, you ice spread like wildfire, some of it even spreading across the carpet. Akutagawa’s eyes widened slightly with curiosity, and you subconsciously willed your ice to grow more, small icicles forming on your arms and the walls. Chuuya continued to advance on you, albeit more slowly than before, and your ice grew more in response, your breath materializing at the drop in temperature.

He stopped about five feet away from you, arms up in a show of good will.

“Hey hey, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. What’s your name?”

“Y/N,”

“Would you like to come with us? I don’t believe you’d be that safe here, and we can help you with your ability,”

“How do I know you aren’t going to kill me? Or try to do what those guys did?”

“If we were going to do that, wouldn’t we have already done that?”

You internally thought he was right, but you were skeptical about following two random men. One of which just killed someone right in front you.

You narrowed your eyes. “Why do I have any reason to trust you?”

Chuuya sighed. “Listen. I can leave you here to these guys, who’ll probably be back, or you can come with us and have an actually safe place to sleep. Your choice,”

Standing up on shaky legs, you looked at the other man. He stood still, and showed no emotion on his face. He looked almost annoyed, as if he was really going out of his way to save you.

“I-i’ll go. But on one condition,”

Akutagawa turned to you, annoyance flashing in his eyes. “I don’t think you understand. We’re helping you. You are not in a position to negotiate right now,”

You swayed on your feet a bit before speaking, you assumed your body was not taking your ordeal and the below freezing temperatures your ability was producing.

“It’s not anything big. I j-just need someone to accompany me to my room so I can get my stuff. I don’t want to be alone,”

Part of you laughed at your words, mocking the irony of always making sure you never got close to anyone, even now, with your ice spreading quickly, and yet here you were, practically begging for someone to be with you, so you wouldn’t be alone.

Pathetic. Look at you, you were always so good at hurting people, so why have you failed now? Maybe the Chuuya and Akutagawa shouldn’t have come, and just let them men have they’re way with you. You would have deserved it. You—

“Sure. Akutagawa can go with you,”

Chuuya’s voice snapped you from your thoughts, and he gave you a warm smile that made you trust him a little more.

Akutagawa still looked mildly annoyed, but he seemed to hold a lot of respect for Chuuya, so you figured he would not do anything to you if he was under Chuuya’s orders.

The walk up to your room was silent, and uncomfortably so. Your ability was still going all over the place, so every time your foot touched the floor little shards of ice would stick up. Your body temperature had to be freezing by now, your skin covered in goosebumps. Your ability made the effects of freezing temperatures easier to withstand, but it did not make you immune to them. While a normal person could survive in freezing temperatures for 15 to 45 minutes, you could withstand them for about 30 minutes to 2 hours, depending on just how freezing the temperatures were. But, if the temperature of your ice dropped lower than freezing, the rate of your survival dropped drastically, to about 20-40 minutes.

Stress made it hard to control your ability, thus the reason you had burned your boyfriend and why you were struggling to control it now.

You tried to control your breathing, to stabilize your mental state somehow, but the more you attempted to the harder it gave to inhale oxygen.

You were sweating despite the cold, and at this point you sounded like you were dying with all the wheezing and coughing. Panic was setting in as you tried to gulp in air, but it wasn’t working.

You bit back a scream when a pale hand made contact with your shoulder, and you looked up to see a rather uncomfortable looking Akutagawa, who seemed to be trying to offer comfort during your panic attack.

The look on his face was almost comical, how uneasy he looked touching another human being. Finally, you did start to calm down, and managed to make it into your dingy room.

Akutagawa opted to stand outside the room, and having him there did make you feel safer.

You could still feel the ghost of fingers lingering on your body, and your shoved your clothes into your backpack with more vigor than before, hoping to get out of this place as fast as humanly possible. You frost had calmed down for the time being, allowing you to love more freely, no longer being constricted by the binds of cold.

You realized that you must have looked near homeless, a pair of black jeans with a rip starting on the knee, and an oversized grey sweatshirt you had owned since sixteen. The letters had long since faded, and you could see where you had patched it back up time after time, but it was the warmest and most comfortable thing you owned.

You stepped out of the room, greeting Akutagawa with a nod. Sometime when you were changing, Chuuya had shown up, and he was explaining something to Akutagawa in a hushed tone. He greeted you with a dip of his hat when you closed the door, reminding you of a gentleman from an older era.

The feeling of your gloves back on your hands was comforting, though you still hung back slightly, always making sure there was a couple feet’s worth of distance between you and anyone else.

The lobby clerk practically kept out of his seat when he saw Akutagawa and Chuuya, and everyone waiting parted like the red sea, allowing the three of you to walk through with ease.

There was a sleek black car that you spotted immediately, it looked very out of place amongst every other car in the parking lot. Chuuya didn’t seem like the kind of person to be inconspicuous.

You felt awkward about climbing into the immaculately clean car with your dirty clothes. You had at least showered, although rather quickly, since for some reason the hot water didn’t work.

You sat in the backseat alone, Akutagawa driving and Chuuya sitting in the passenger seat.

The car was silent, and the tension was palpable. You still had no idea what the Port Mafia was besides the obvious, that they were a mafia. What they did, and how they could help you with your ability was what you didn’t understand. Why would they help you? It’s not like you had any money, and you absolutely no battle training whatsoever. It’s not like you had held a gun before either. You had some practice with knives, but that was so long ago you didn’t think you could recall how to hold a knife properly. This was the main reason for not completely trusting these men, because people who didn’t have use or purpose were disposed of.

Not willing to push their patience, you didn’t question anything, and simply allowed them to drive you to wherever they were going. They could be kidnapping you, and it would probably be your fault.

What am I even doing here? Following two random dudes i don’t know, to the MAFIA where they’re going to make me do GOD KNOWS what. I could be raped, murdered, or tortured! I was just almost raped for god’s sake, and the first thing i do is go with strangers? This is literally EXACTLY what grandpa told me not to do. I’m stupid, stupid, I’m going to end up dead in a ditch somewhere, oh god why do i have to be so stupid--

“Hey Y/N? we’re here,”

It was only then did you see Chuuya waving a hand in front of your face, and you flushed slightly hoping you hadn’t been sitting like that for too long.

A very tall building stood before you, smack in the middle of Yokohama. You guessed that since it was so prominent, people would never believe that it was the headquarters for the Port Mafia. Or, the Port Mafia just didn’t care.

Akutagawa beaconed you over, and you swallowed thickly, unsure of what would happen when you entered this building.

A/N: Heyoo!! im really proud of this, im sorry of Akutagawa seemed a bit ooc, i tried hard to establish his feelings and personality without writing him off as a tsundere, or making him a cold jerk. Ah, the woes of writing.

Anyway, sorry i posted this instead of the newest chapter for the Chuuya fic. I can’t get past one scene for it, I've legit re-wrote it like seven times. So, to get over my writers block, i decided to finally publish this! The moodboard and first chapter have been in my drafts for awhile, so i decided to finally post them. Hope ya’ll like it!

#akutagawa x reader #akutagawa #akutagawa ryuunosuke #akutagawa ryuunosuke x reader #bsd #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader

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emilywaters · 3 years

Text

2021 Pride Month Oneshots - Day 3

30 Queer Oneshots in honour of pride month

Day 3 - Soukoku

Ao3 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/31735966

Wattpad - https://www.wattpad.com/1080421227-2021-pride-month-oneshots-day-3-soukoku

Summary - Dazai and Chuuya create a react video together. That's it. That's the fic.

When I was trying to come up with ideas for this chapter I couldn't decide between - https://www.tiktok.com/@ded_midorich/video/6918991434267757825?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6948319693262308865

and - https://www.tiktok.com/@mellowmess_cosplays/video/6968870386083564806?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6948319693262308865

So I just did both 🏳‍🌈✌🌈🦄

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Is it recording? Yeah, okay."

Chuuya waved at the camera. "Hey, girls, gays and non-binary baes! Welcome to another episode of Double Black React." Dazai squealed in the background, spinning around in a wheely office chair. "Last week, I asked you to comment some assumptions about us, and you delivered. So today, we'll be reacting to them." He pulled the brunet next to him, "Behave." He muttered in a low voice.

"Oh, we already started recording?" Dazai grinned excitedly, "Hey girls, gays and non-binary baes! Happy pride month! In honour of pride, he's a video of us making out."

Chuuya pinched Dazai's side, making him yelp, "We are NOT posting a video of us making out-"

"So, you admit there ARE videos of us making out!"

Chuuya rolled his eyes, but he didn't deny the claim. "Let's get back on topic. Okay, first comment; 'Chuuya and Dazai are one hundred percent dating, I take no criticism."

Dazai gulped his coffee, "Yeah, no. I have a thing called standards."

"Oh please, you will date any pretty girl willing t die with you," Chuuya snarked.

"Exactly. You neither a girl nor pretty."

"Believe me; I wouldn't date you either. I prefer people with souls."

"You pain me, Chu-chu," Dazai draped himself over Chuuya dramatically.

Chuuya snorted, "Pack it up, Oikawa kinnie."

Dazai recoiled in indignation, but Chuuya had already moved onto the next comment.

" 'Idk if you are dating, but you have fucked at least once'."

Dazai winked, looking directly at the camera, "That would be telling."

Chuuya pushed him away from the camera, "NO, we haven't had sex. He'd be awful in bed."

"That's not what you were saying when you were moaning my na-"

"MOVING ON; 'Chuuya puts cereal first, milk second, Dazai puts bleach first, tide pods second'."

"Believe it or not, this happens monthly," Chuuya smacked Dazai, probably for some disturbance out of the camera's view. " I actually had to buy a lockbox for all the poisonous cleaning products in the house."

"It's true," Dazai nodded sagely, "it's called tide pod Tuesday."

"So, this is not about us, but I'll read it anyways; 'Are White tiger and Rashomon dating?' If you didn't know, White tiger and Rashomon are two of our friends and fellow YouTubers. And to answer your question, no, they are not dating."

"They should, though," Dazai added, "The sexual tension is beginning to overwhelm me." Dazai swallowed a cookie whole then gagged on it. "That cookie is homophobic." He stated after chewing and swallowing, glaring at the plate of cookies in offence. "It tried to choke me."

"Choke on it and die."

"How about you choke on my-"

"You are insufferable. Next comment; 'Dazai is a chaotic bisexual with a preference for women and Chuuya. And Chuuya is omnisexual with a preference for Dazai.'"

Chuuya took a sip from his mug, "Well, what do you think, Dazai? Are you bi?"

Dazai leaned back on his chair, "I don't know, Chuuya. Are you gay?"

They turned their attention to the camera.

"I guess we'll never know," they chorused.

Dazai grabbed the phone from Chuuya and began rapidly scrolling, "Now that we have seen all the normal comments, let's look at some of the more interesting ones."

"Oi! Shittydazai, give me back the phone!" Chuuya tried to grab it, but Dazai jumped on his chair and held it out of reach. "I swear to god if you pick some obscene comment, I will fucking murder you."

"Oh please, like I have to be obscene with your filthy mouth around." Dazai tripped, and the wheely chair whizzed under him. Dazai crashed to the ground in an untidy heap. "I think I broke something," he groaned.

Chuuya cursed under his breath and rushed next to Dazai. "Where does it hurt?" He demanded.

"My ego," Dazai groaned. "And my wrist."

Chuuya helped Dazai sit on a chair and gently placed his hand on the table. "I can't see anything because of your damn bandages," Chuuya grumbled, unravelling them. He carefully examined Dazai's wrist, noting the redness and swelling. Dazai winced whenever his fingers grazed his skin. Chuuya finally got up and disappeared out the door. He returned with an icepack, bandages and scissors.

"Lucky for you, it's just a sprain." Chuuya returned to his seat. "I've told you so many times not to climb on the chair. Maybe this will teach you to listen to me more often." Chuuya continued reprimanding Dazai as he placed the ice pack on his wrist. Once the swelling went down, he wrapped his hand with fresh bandages.

Chuuya glanced at the camera still recording the duo. "We're going to have to edit this out," he remarked, releasing Dazai's wrist from his care.

"Oh, if we are going to edit this out, might as well do this," Dazai leaned forward and kissed Chuuya's cheek. "Thanks, babe."

"Don't call me that." Chuuya's face turned red, and he busied himself putting the things away. He didn't speak until the two were reseated and ready to continue recording.

"So to recap the crash you heard, Dazai stood on his chair, then he fell off it and sprained his wrist, but he's fine now. Let's pick up from where we left off." Chuuya picked up the phone. " 'Dazai is actually the better cook, but Chuuya is amazing with desserts and sweets'."

Chuuya gaped at the screen in shock. "Where are the cameras? Where are the fucking cameras?" He checked the username, "Dear Chuuyaisabaker, how tf did you know this? Like where are the fucking cameras?"

"Chuuya once burnt a pot boiling pasta. He also added salt instead of sugar. To." Dazai gave a shit-eating grin. "And this one time, he put soy sauce instead of syrup on his pancakes, and he was too proud to admit he made a mistake, so he ate them."

Chuuya poked Dazai's injured wrist, making him shut up. Chuuya glared at his partner, "You don't get to talk, Mr substitute-whipped-eggwhites-with-whipped-cream. Not to mention the time you got a stomach bug from eating the cake you baked."

Chuuya was about to retell every one of Dazai's baking disasters, but the brunette cut in, "And that's our cue to end this video! It was great fun seeing us from your pov. Keep sending us comments, Like and Subscribe, if you haven't already. Bye, hoes!"

Dazai stopped the recording and relaxed onto his chair. He kept glancing at his wrist and wincing. Chuuya sighed to himself. He knew the stubborn asshole would never tell him if he was in pain, which is why he had acquired the acute ability to sense Dazai's thoughts through mild changes in posture and behaviour. Dazai no doubt could read Chuuya like a book, so of course, he picked up on the redhead's worry.

"Don't worry about me, Chuuya," Dazai said tersely. "I'm fine. It barely hurts."

Chuuya rolled his eyes, "You're a terrible liar."

Dazai laughed, "Actually, I'm an amazing liar. So much so you don't believe me when I'm telling the truth."

"I'm going to the pharmacy to get painkillers," Chuuya stated, standing up.

"Oh, do you have a headache?"

"It's for you, you dumbass," Chuuya huffed before walking out the room. Dazai heard the familiar click of the front door and the usual slam of Chuuya leaving.

He smiled softly to himself, fingering the delicately wrapped bandage. Chuuya had him wrapped around his thumb, and he didn't even realize it.

#soukoku #bungou stray dogs #bungou gay dogs #nakahara chuuya #dazai osamu #fluff #gaypride #doubleblack #youtubers

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midnight-strays · 4 years

Note

Omggg what about sister Headcanons for them like older or a smaller sister.(You can pick any character)

//So many of these precious characters need the guidance of an older sister, so let’s do older sister headcanons! I could so do this for like, majority of the characters. As an older sister myself, all I wanna do is help these poor souls XD I may have gotten a little carried away here.

Atsushi Nakajima

As the older sister of Atsushi, it would be easy to compare your life to taking a burning stroll through hell. It wasn’t easy, having to watch on as your little brother is beaten for reasons he didn’t know or understand. You barely understood yourself, but you did try to take care of him to the best of your ability.

After leaving the orphanage, the two of you wandered together for a bit before eventually, Atsushi took it upon himself to keep you safe from the ‘tiger’ following him and left you. You looked up and down for him but to no avail, he was always on the run and because he was always running, there was no telling how far he would get in a day, what turn he would have made and if he was even alive anymore.

You had a better grasp as to what was wrong with him now, understood he was an ability user- you had heard of them during your time on the streets but wasn’t sure how to explain it to him, so you kept it to yourself for now. You’ve regretted that decision every day since because maybe, just maybe, your baby brother wouldn’t have run off the way he did.

You just thought for sure that while together, you had done enough for him to feel safe with you. You gathered as much food as you could- though it wasn’t much- you were more willing to steal than he was, kept him as warm as you could, told him stories you’d made up in your head to help him sleep and even stayed up at night to ease his mind about the tiger returning, despite you knowing that it was in fact him that was the tiger.

It was months after he ran off that you met again. Atsushi was on a job, nothing serious, and you were running down the street, still in ragged clothes and holding a loaf of bread close to your chest. You weren’t looking where you were going for a spit second, looking back to see if you were still being chased, only to run right into the boy, knocking him to the ground and making you drop the bread.

The both of you immediately sprung into apologising to each other, helping each other up before finally making eye contact. As much as I’d like to say you threw yourself at him and the two of you hugged in the middle of the street, the guy chasing you caught up and pulled you back by the collar of your shirt, yelling at you about stealing form him and how he was going to report you to the police and everything.

Atsushi almost threw himself at the man but quickly put two and two together when he saw the bread on the ground. Taking responsible action, he calmed the man down and paid for the bread to get you out of trouble and once everything was taken care of, he took you by the hand and brought you elsewhere, where you finally held on tight to each other, quietly weeping to each other about how much you’d missed each other.

From there, he takes you back to his apartment so you can get cleaned up and things go from there.

Being his older sister means lecturing him whenever he doesn’t take care of himself properly because he doesn’t exactly know how to or because he’s been too stressed out or distracted to do so. It means being scared for his safety often because he’s constantly dealing not only with the mafia but other dangerous people who could hurt him. It’s being so proud of the new skills he’s developing, the control he has over his ability and him finally finding people he can trust aside from yourself. It also means putting up with Osamu Dazai on the Daily because ‘Hey, Atsushi has a cute older sister.’

I don’t really think Atsushi would allow his older sister to join the ADA and would maybe insist she get a job in the café downstairs as it would be safer but still close to him. He feels like he should be the one protecting you because of what he does now. He knows he’s capable of taking care of you.

This does not, by any means, mean that you don’t treat him like your baby brother. This is the kind of relationship where you’ll openly be affectionate towards him in front of everyone, lecture him in front of others and so on. Embarrassing older sister anyone? I also see you bringing him lunch whenever he forgets or you’re feeling generous (which makes Dazai swoon and beg you to bring him lunch sometime- before asking you to commit a double suicide with him)

Oh for the record, Atsushi isn’t one to get too grumpy with Dazai, not openly at least, but he does get really fed up with him asking you to commit suicide with him all the time though so he has been seen passively telling Dazai off.

It’s a very loving relationship, the two of you supporting each other in ways you always have in the past, but now with the benefits of being able to eat properly, stay warm and healthy and not need to rely on each other to survive another day of hell, because every day isn’t hell anymore.

Kyoka Izumi

If Kyoka was to have an older sister, she’d be reasonably older, perhaps a stepsister that wasn’t around when their parents died. I imagine she would have been studying abroad or something of the sort, so by the time she arrived to be there for her baby sister, Kyoka was already gone.

This would leave you searching for her for years. Missing posters, private detectives, constantly bothering the police, asking if they had any leads yet and so on.

You would end up broke, exhausted, possibly depressed and unbelievably desperate, so much, that you would take one last chance at reaching out for help. The police had recommended the Armed Detective Agency to you after pestering them repeatedly, but you had been sceptical.

You still were after seeing them. They seemed quite… unorthodox. Not a very professional bunch but then again, they seemed to be focused on making sure the dramatic brunette left you alone.

That was last year and even they didn’t seem to come up with anything, so you slowly began to lose hope.

You didn’t find out that they had found Kyoka until after she had officially joined the Armed Detective Agency and you’d just about choked Dazai out for waiting so long to call you until Fukazawa explained their reasoning to you.

After that, you were a sobbing mess, in the middle of the office, just holding onto your little sister who seemed oh so unsure of how to feel. She had thought for sure that you had forgotten about her, that you’d not even bothered searching for her and continued on with your life. It took her a while, but she too broke down, more so from relief than anything else, as she had someone who actually loved her by her side.

You would be so grateful towards Atsushi for everything he had done for Kyoka, he was the reason she was still alive after all. This was after managing to sit through the explanation of what’s been going on for the last few years.

This being said, it was no big surprise that you, Kyoka and Atsushi started going out places together, having a good time and experiencing the many amazing things in life that they and even you had missed out on over the years.

I totally reckon Kyoka’s big sister would totally take Atsushi in as a lil brother or something thanks to all he’s done for the girl.

Alone time with Kyoka would often involve eating. The both of you are foodies and share a love for crepes. Your time together isn’t just spent eating though. It’s full of kept promises, getting to know each other again, teaching each other new things and rebuilding a bond that was never given a chance to bloom in the past.

Much like she does with the ADA, she looks to you for guidance since she doesn’t know how to live a normal life anymore, but she’s bound to adjust quickly.

You offer to take her away with you, away from the mafia and the ADA, but she insists on staying, leaving you to settle down in town so she can continue to stay with Atsushi and the others, keeping a close eye on her and giving her a place to live so she isn’t crowding Atsushi.

Chuuya Nakahara

Chuuya was a loner from the start, so you’re not his actual sister. Instead, you’re the one who found him on his own and offered him a hand up. Sure, he didn’t exactly trust you at first but over time, the two of you came to rely on each other and eventually formed a sibling bond. If someone asked if you were siblings, the answer was quite simple. Yes.

Even while you were members of Sheep, you, being relatively high rank thanks to Chuuya becoming the leader, the two of you remained closer than anyone else. You could see Chuuya, in a way, liked being relied on, gave him a purpose. You were of course, proud of his strength, but also a little concerned over the dangers that came with the Port Mafia fighting with the Sheep constantly. Of course, you were just as much of a delinquent teenager as anyone else was, but you didn’t want your little brother on the front lines like that.

Honestly, you’re concerned about him most of the time until he joins the Port Mafia. Whether you join or not doesn’t make too much of a difference to your relationship. If you don’t join, Chuuya would insist you receive the Mafia’s protection as a condition to him joining their ranks. If you do join, he insists you stay by his side.

I doubt you’d become an executive unless you’re able to develop quite the amount of skill like Dazai or have an ability that is of great value. You need to be ruthless to be an executive and I don’t quite see Chuuya being okay with you changing so drastically. He’s always been this way, while you’ve been softer, kind, helping those around you when they need it. So, you’d most likely end up a subordinate, but still ranking quite highly.

You’re not allowed around Dazai without Chuuya there and even then, he doesn’t want you around Dazai. Chuuya would rather die than allow Dazai to lay a hand on you. Not only because he sees him as a complete asshole who should kill himself already, but because he understands that Dazai is an incredibly dangerous, deceptive guy who can and will hurt you if he needs to. (Dazai would never hurt you).

You hate it when he uses Corruption. Seeing him or just hearing about him losing control in such a way hurts you deep down because you know that he could easily die after taking a whole lot of lives. You have slapped Dazai for being careless while he was in that form too. If something were to happen to your brother while they were together, and it could have been prevented, you will blame Dazai.

Despite this, you’re both heavily impacted by Dazai’s disappearance, but you step up to help your little brother handle his anger (mostly about his exploded car) and even became his new partner on important missions. Meaning, yes, you became an executive.

Do the two of you drink wine together? Hell, yes you do. It’s how you relax, unwind from all the stress of the mafia. It’s time for you two of open up to each other and reminisce about the past, even if it did suck.

You take care of him to the best of your ability, even if he is stronger than you in so many ways. He won’t say it out loud but you are his rock. He needs you to keep him grounded. If anything were to happen to his big sister, the one he relied on so much to get by, he wouldn’t be able to cope.

Days off are almost always spent together. Treating each other out to lunch, getting drinks, buying new clothes, and just acting like normal people. You’re both very ready to jump into action if need be, whether it’s against criminals, targets or just assholes getting in your way. Chuuya also doesn’t tolerate guys flirting with you. No one is good enough for you. In return, you tend to cockblock him when he meets someone because two can play at that game.

While being Chuuya’s older sister, you don’t always get to see him or act as an older sister to him. Actually, a lot of your time while you can’t be together and you’re not doing your own thing, is spent on Akutagawa and Gin. Having had a rough childhood, somewhat like theirs, you take it upon yourself to try guide them in the right direction and even too over Akutagawa’s training. Needless to say, you were a lot easier on him than Dazai was, but it was too late to make much of an impact on him. Gin, however, was easier, so you kinda have a younger sister now too. Aku is you new lil bro, he just doesn’t know it.

You and Chuuya don’t rely too heavily on each other. Well, you do but you don’t. You need each other, no doubt, but you can cope on your own as long as you know the other is okay. You don’t want Mori finding out about how much you guys need each other because while you’re both completely and utterly loyal to the man, you both are very aware that he is a bad man who can and will manipulate situations to his advantage.

So, just a headcanon of mine- obviously, but I feel like the two of you could share a penthouse apartment of sorts. Absolute comfort considering the money you both make and all that Jazz. You both have your own large rooms, your own bathrooms and all that, but you’re always close. Your rooms aren’t far from each other, you sit across from each other at the dinner table, sit right next to each other when watching tv and occasionally, when one is having a hard time sleeping, you’ll curl up beside each other to help ease you both into sleep, feeling safe in each other’s presence.

#bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungou stray dogs x reader #sister reader #x reader #atsushi nakajima x reader #atsushi x reader #atsushi nakajima #atsushi #kyoka #kyoka izumi #kyoka x reader #chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #chuuya nakahara #chuuya

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crow-writes-stuff · 4 years

Text

Liability

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Dazai Osamu & Nakahara Chuuya

Characters: Nakahara Chuuya, Dazai Osamu

Additional Tags: Whumptober 2020, i hope this counts as whump, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Self-Doubt, Fever, Prompts:, Waking up Restrained, Shackled, Soukoku | Double Black (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dark Era (Bungou Stray Dogs), Swearing

Summary: Chuuya wakes up shackled in a cell. He only knows that he passed out after using Corruption. Where is Dazai? Something is wrong.

Word Count: 3576

Ao3

Something is wrong. It takes Chuuya a while to clear his head from the heavy fog of unconsciousness and comprehend what exactly. He can't move his arms. No, actually he can't move at all. His arms are just the first thing he notices because they are shackled above his head, his hands hanging limply in their restraints. The rest of his body isn't fairing any better. His ankles are bound with heavy chains, digging into his pale skin. He wants to move them, but nothing happens. His head is too heavy to move around, but he appears to be in some sort of cell. It's dimly lit from somewhere behind him.

He groans as more sensation returns to his body, and he is hit with a wave of pain and nausea. What happened?

Corruption. Right. He and Dazai had been on a mission, and Chuuya had to use Corruption to take out their enemies. That at least explains why he feels like shit. What it doesn't explain is how he ended up here, shackled in a cell. Dazai usually makes sure they're both safe after a fight. Where is Dazai? A bolt of panic shoots through Chuuya, and he manages to look around the cell. He's definitely alone. Fuck. He has to get out of here somehow. He tries again to move his arms but except them starting to shake with exhaustion nothing happens. He soon gives up, head still heavy. This sucks. At least he's still wearing his clothes and the room isn't that cold. His situation could be worse.

His thoughts become more sluggish by the minute, and he gives up trying to hold his head up in any way. Dazai is probably fine. The bastard doesn't die even when he actively tries. Chuuya stops struggling to remain conscious. He'll deal with everything when he can actually stay awake for more than a few minutes.

When he wakes again, his cell is entirely dark. Chuuya can't even make out his legs against the concrete floor. At least he can feel them. Even though that feeling is mostly pain. The chains are still heavy around his ankles, and he's glad their not tight enough to cut off circulation. He has enough other problems already. For one, his throat feels like sandpaper every time he tries to swallow. Chuuya has no idea how long it's been since he had something to drink. But while it hurts, he's not too worried about dehydration. Surely, his captors wouldn't have gone through all the trouble of chaining him up just to let him die of thirst. If they wanted him dead, he would already be. Food currently isn't much of a concern as well. This shortly after using Corruption, he wouldn't be able to keep anything solid down anyway. He's honestly glad that he hasn't vomited all over himself. Not yet, at least. The nausea is still very much present. He tries to breathe through it and concentrate on other things. For example, figuring out where he is, who chained him up here, and how to get out. For once, Chuuya really wishes Dazai was here. He probably would already have picked the locks on their chains, all the way making fun of Chuuya for not being able to do it himself.

Chuuya groans both in frustration and pain. Fuck everything about this. He tries again to move his arms and actually manages to wiggle them a little. It makes the chains holding them up clink quietly, but nothing helpful comes from it. Next, he wants to move his legs but only manages his toes for now. He's still too fucking weak.

Chuuya sighs and resigns himself to his fate for now. There is no harm in trying to get a bit more sleep. It'll help him recover faster, and once there is some light again, he might actually be able to come up with a plan. Or maybe by the time he wakes up, the Port Mafia will already be here to get him out. One can dream, right?

A smarting kick in the ribs rips his dreams straight out of him. Chuuya wakes with a swear, needing a moment to orient himself before he looks up at the person responsible for the newly blooming pain in his side. "What the fuck." His voice is barely more than a rasp, and it hurts to speak at all. The guy towering over him is wearing all black, including a ski mask that obscures his face. Well, that immediately gives Chuuya a bit of hope. They don't want him to know who they are in case he gets out. The man is carrying a bottle in his left hand. Chuuya really hopes that it contains some water and is meant for him. Thankfully the man crouches down next to him and holds the bottle to his lips, tilting it upwards. The moment the liquid hits his chapped lips, Chuuya forgets how pathetic he must look, greedily drinking the cold water. Swallowing still hurts, but he's more than willing to put up with it. Much too fast, the bottle is empty and taken away from him. Without a word, the man stands and turns to leave. "Wait!" Chuuya rasps out. He needs information, damn it. "Who the fuck are you? What do you want with me?" The man only glances back at him and then leaves anyway, locking the cell door behind him. Chuuya swears after him.

When he can no longer hear anything outside his cell, Chuuya sighs. At least he's not as thirsty anymore. And the sleep did help a bit in regaining his strength, even if he still feels too weak. He looks around his cell again. Not only the floor is made of the concrete, so are the walls. His cell door is made out of grey metal. The room is lit by a small window above his head, and Chuuya has to strain himself to see it at all. By the looks of it, it's too small for him to get through even if managed to reach it. Except himself and the chains binding him in place, the cell is empty. Speaking of chains, Chuuya finally looks up at the shackles around his wrists. His skin has already turned red underneath them, standing out against the paleness of his arms. He tries to make his hand as small as possible to slip them off, but it soon proves impossible. He would need to break his thumps, and he's not about to do that right now. Maybe once he's really desperate.

Chuuya takes a deep breath and tries to activate his ability. Searing hot pain shoots through him. His vision goes from white to black in an instant, and an oppressive silence fills his ears.

When his senses return, he can hear someone's heavy, shuddering breaths. It takes him a moment to realise that they're his own. He's shivering despite the room not being that cold. He can also taste metal, and judging by the pain he bit his tongue just now. He desperately wants to spit, but he's afraid his aim won't be good enough. He'd only get blood all over his shirt, and he's already covered in sweat, no need to make it worse. He swallows instead, making his stomach squirm uneasily.

All in all that could have turned out better. Chuuya sighs. Everything hurts, he's shaking, and he still has no idea what to do about this situation. He leans his head back against the wall and winces when the change in position aggravates his smarting muscles even more. He feels so fucking weak. He hates it.

He's weak and useless, and the fact that he had hoped someone would save him is proof of that. Stupid Dazai wouldn't need someone else to get him out of a situation like this. Chuuya probably isn't even worth the effort of being saved. After all, it wouldn't be the first time he's been abandoned. Just shows how worthless he really is to the people around him. He probably deserves it. It's the punishment for what he is; Not human enough for people to care, not monster enough to be useful.

Chuuya closes his stinging eyes; he's not gonna cry. He isn't that pathetic. It's too much of an effort to open his eyes again, so he leaves them closed. If he dies here, it won't make much of a difference anyway.

This time he thankfully isn't woken by a kick in the ribs. Instead, he hears muffled noise outside his cell. He can't make out anything concrete, his ears feeling like their stuffed with cotton. He wants to shake his head to clear them up, but the roaring pain behind his temples stops him short. With unfocused eyes, he watches as the door is opened and a black-clad figure steps inside. They seem to be smaller than the man from before, but Chuuya isn't sure. Has the cell always been this foggy? The person kneels down in front of him, and Chuuya really hopes they brought him some water again. They're not wearing a mask this time. Huh. He's pretty sure that's a bad sign, but he isn't sure why anymore. Instead of giving him something to drink, cold fingers touch the side of his face. They gently force him to look up, and he winces. The person frowns, and for the first time, they seem familiar somehow. They appear to only have one eye, now that he's looking. Why is he thinking of fish suddenly? The person let's go of his face and stands back up. No water for him then. Chuuya sighs and closes his eyes. It's exhausting trying to stay awake right now.

Suddenly, he can feel his left arm slowly being lowered to his side. Where did the shackles go? His right arm is already following suit when he manages to open his eyes again. The person is still here, unshackling him. Chuuya doesn't understand the purpose of this but he sure as hell isn't complaining. The chain around his right ankle is removed, and he catches a glimpse of bandaged wrists under the black coat.

Chuuya groans and Dazai looks at him again. "So you're not dead", he teases, unlocking the last of Chuuya's bonds. Instead of waiting for an answer, Dazai moves to his side. "You've got quite the fever going," he informs with a cheerful voice, "Do you think you can walk?" "Sure," Chuuya mumbles. He isn't sure at all, but he already feels the other sling an arm around his waist. Dazai puts Chuuya's right arm around his shoulders and is surprisingly careful while pulling them both to their feet. Chuuya immediately loses his balance and would have fallen, hadn't Dazai been prepared for it. After a moment, Chuuya manages to stand at least somewhat steadily, while heavily leaning on Dazai for support. He's already shaking with the effort, and Dazai does not make it easier by commenting: "How is Chibi so heavy when he's so small?" Chuuya doesn't even have the strength to get mad at him. All his efforts are focused on not falling over. Pathetic. Dazai doesn't tease him further. Instead, he takes one step forward, gently pulling Chuuya with him. Much slower than either of them would have prefered they make it to the door.

Once they're finally there, Dazai opens it, careful to continuously support Chuuya's weight. They're greeted by an impassive looking Hirotsu, obviously standing guard. A new wave of shame rolls over Chuuya. They really had to rescue him. Hirotsu nods at Dazai and then looks at Chuuya, who in turn is staring at the floor. It's too much effort to lift his head anyway.

"Is he injured?" Hirotsu asks, and Chuuya can feel Dazai shift beside him. "I didn't see anything serious. I'm more concerned about the fever." They do realise Chuuya can hear them, right? Not that he feels like talking right now, but still. Everything hurts, and he would prefer just lying down. Of course, he knows that they need to get out of here first, wherever here is. His ears still feel like they're stuffed with cotton and it's easy to drown out the others' talking. He only starts actively listening again when Hirotsu says: "I can carry him." Wait, what? Chuuya can walk! Sure, he would have already fallen over if it wasn't for Dazai, but that doesn't mean he needs to be carried. He's not a child anymore. Perhaps the others might have actually believed him, had he been able to say any of that aloud. Instead, he only manages a low groan of protest as he's shifted on Hirotsu's back. When he stands back up, Chuuya sighs. Whatever. This takes a lot less effort.

They start walking, and Chuuya notices that Dazai doesn't leave his side. He's still obviously on the lookout for potential enemies but never gets more than two steps distance between them. Chuuya doubts anything is going to catch Dazai by surprise around here. He leans his head against Hirotsu's shoulder and closes his eyes. The others don't need him at the moment anyway. And he's so tired.

This time when Chuuya wakes up, he's not sitting in his cell. The room is brightly lit, and he has to squint to make out anything. He's lying in a bed with a thick white blanket covering his body, and his head is slightly propped up with a pillow. Chuuya flinches at the IV drip connected to his left arm. Before he can do anything about it though, someone takes hold of his other arm. He jerks his head around to see the offender and immediately regrets the action. Blinding white pain shoots through him as he screws his eyes shut. Fuck.

Chuuya only opens them again when the pain begins to recede. He finally manages to look to his right. Dazai is sitting next to the bed in a chair, a book propped open in his lap. He is still holding onto Chuuya's arm. Judging by the dark bags under his eyes, he didn't get much sleep. Chuuya wonders why.

"So the Chibi is finally awake," Dazai grins mockingly, but it looks weird. Chuuya can't quite pinpoint why. He just glares at Dazai, not entirely trusting his own voice. The IV may supply him with fluids, but his throat still hurts. "Don't pull that out," Dazai points to said IV and finally removes his hand from Chuuya's arm. The spot suddenly feels colder than before and Chuuya shivers. He's cold in general, he notices, despite the thick blanket covering him. Dazai leans back in his chair with a sigh. He doesn't just seem tired, he looks exhausted. Chuuya looks at him questioningly, and he thankfully takes the hint. "You only recently came down from a 42-degree fever." Oh. That's probably not great. "Since we didn't know how long it had already been that high when we found you," Dazai continues, "the doctors were worried about brain damage." Yeah, definitely not great. "I told them there wasn't much brain to be damaged, but no one listened to me," Dazai shrugs, earning himself another glare. "Even the boss himself came down to take a look at you." Chuuya makes a face that causes Dazai to let out a soft snort. "Don't worry, he only made sure you'd survive without lasting damage and left again." Well, that only makes it marginally better.

Chuuya rests his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes. He's still so tired. Weird, considering that he already slept so much these past days. "Sleep," he hears Dazai say as he drifts off, "I'll stay."

Dazai is asleep in his chair when Chuuya wakes up again. His head feels clearer this time. He's still in pain, and the IV makes him feel queasy, but he at least manages to look around properly. The room is small and definitely belongs to the larger medical unit the Port Mafia runs. It's sparsely furnished with a hospital bed, a chair and a small table next to it. Chuuya eyes the glass of water on it, but it's out of his reach, and he doesn't want to wake up Dazai. He looks like he needs the sleep. Chuuya would feel selfish if he's the only one that gets to rest at least a little.

With a quiet sigh, he settles back down for the wait. To his surprise, it doesn't take long for Dazai to open his eyes again, immediately landing on him. A short-lived smile sneaks across his face when he notices Chuuya awake. Chuuya looks at the glass of water again and motions with his hand as much as he can. Thankfully, Dazai gets the hint and actually props his head up so Chuuya can drink. Once he has drained the glass, his throat feels a little less like sandpaper and more like something you'd find on an actual human being.

Dazai sits back down, and Chuuya clears his throat carefully before attempting to speak: "So what happened?" Dazai's expression darkens. "What do you remember?" Chuuya shrugs, causing a new flare of pain. He winces and waits for it to calm down before answering: "We were on a mission, I used Corruption, and then I woke up in that cell." He gets interrupted by a short coughing fit, causing Dazai to frown. "Dunno how long I was there but eventually you turned up, and now I'm here." "You were gone for three days," Dazai starts. Chuuya stares at him in surprise. That's somehow both longer than he thought and shorter than it felt. "We would have found you sooner if I-" Dazai stops and shakes his head, still frowning. "It's my fault they got you in the first place," he finally says, clearly angry with himself. This is unusual. Chuuya's not sure he ever heard Dazai admit fault this openly. "When I stopped you, I thought all enemies were dead," he breathes in, "but I was wrong." That explains it. Dazai's angry because they didn't complete the mission. Chuuya almost laughs at himself for thinking for even a moment that it could have been because he got hurt. "They ambushed us after you passed out. I think they wanted to take us both but prioritised you after I caused them too much trouble." Chuuya almost wishes he could have seen that. Dazai's not precisely the hands-on type when it comes to fighting, but he's still a cunning bastard. "They threw me out of their truck-" "You're okay?" Chuuya can't help but interrupt. It's not like he cares, though. Dazai, of course, laughs at him: "Aw, is Chuuya worried for me?" "Fuck off," he answers and looks away. Stupid Dazai. He just wanted to know the reason for his rescue taking so long. That's all.

"Yeah, I'm alright," Dazai continues, softer somehow, "I hit my head a bit, and I had no way of contacting anyone in the beginning. When I finally managed to reach Hirotsu, we had lost your trace. Took me almost two days to find their hideout and come up with a plan." That explains it. Chuuya's still glad Dazai was actually looking for him. It probably would have taken even longer otherwise. "We took out the last of the enemies, and I found you in your cosy little cell." Chuuya snorts. Incredibly cosy, yes. "I don't know what I expected, but you really looked like shit." "Thanks," Chuuya rasps, already thirsty again. Dazai moves almost immediately to refill the glass and help him drink. It's a bit weird, but Chuuya won't complain.

Once they're both settled again, Dazai continues: "I mean, you always look like shit after using Corruption, but you usually recover from that pretty quickly." Yeah, when he's at home and can properly rest. "Your wrists were infected, but that wasn't that serious. You also have two broken ribs. The most concerning was the fever, though. It caused you to dehydrate as well." Oh, so he should have been worried about that. "I don't think you even recognised me when I came in. I was talking to you, but you only reacted when I had already taken off the cuffs. Hirotsu and I got you out and back here as quickly as possible." Right. He remembers getting out of the cell with Dazai.

Chuuya contemplates if he should thank Dazai for the rescue when the other suddenly grabs hold of his arm again. Intense dark eyes stare directly at him. "I will not let something like this happen ever again," Dazai says with such dark determination, Chuuya believes him in an instant. He nods, taken aback by the sudden declaration. Dazai lets go of his arm and stands up. "I'll let the doctor know you're awake." "Wait," Chuuya says before he can stop himself. Dazai turns back to him, and Chuuya does his best to avoid his eyes. "I, uh... I don't blame you for what happened. And thanks. For getting me out of there." Dazai actually smiles at him and reaches for his hand. He gives it a quick squeeze before letting go again. "Of course, partner. After all," he grins, "I'd rather you die due to your own stupidity." Chuuya groans and lets his head fall into the pillow. "Fuck off, stupid mackerel." Dazai keeps grinning as he makes his way towards the door. "Anytime, slug."

#whumptober2020 #no.1 #waking up restrained #shackled #bungou stray dogs #fic #soukoku #Nakahara Chuuya #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #osamu dazai

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musicprincess655 · 4 years

Link

Ryuu wakes up a week after his twenty-fifth birthday with a fully formed frontal lobe, the remnants of dream that didn’t even have the decency to be wet, and an unfortunate realization.

“Gin.”

She’s already up, of course, sipping at a coffee, but then, she’s always been the more functional one. Ryuu would argue that it’s because she’s younger and therefore spent less time in the slums before their lives found some stability in the Port Mafia. Gin would argue that it’s because Chuuya raised her instead of Dazai.

“I believe I may have…feelings…for Jinko.”

She doesn’t look suitably impressed by the earth-shattering news.

“Do you want a regular cake or a cupcake tower at the wedding?”

Ryuu is so shocked by her lack of shock that he actually answers.

“Cupcake tower.” He shakes his head. “Did you hear me? I have feelings for Jinko.”

“It’s kind of too late to go back to calling him Jinko when you’ve been calling him by his real name for over a year.”

“I have feelings for-!”

“I heard you the first two times!”

“Then tell me what I’m supposed to do!”

“I don’t know!” she snaps, although she sounds more exasperated than mad. “Woo him? Marry him? Bear his weird tiger babies?”

“That’s physically impossible. Also, no?”

“I don’t know what you want here,” she says. “General dating advice wouldn’t work on you two.”

“Dating?!”

“Fucking hell.” She sounds so frustrated that Ryuu is sure she’s about to throw a knife at him just to get him to shut up. “Try talking to him.”

“No.”

“Then eat shit and die!”

Ryuu isn’t quite sure who else to ask for help. He almost goes to Chuuya, but considering Chuuya’s – arrangement? Relationship? – with Dazai, Ryuu thinks that might actually make everything worse. Whatever those two are doing, he doesn’t think it’ll work for anyone else.

So he takes the second option presented to him: he shoves those feelings right back where they belong and forgets they ever existed. Or tries to.

See, Ryuu is good at anger. He recognizes it in himself, knows now how to ramp it down or let it take him as necessary, knows how to use it, TED talk to follow. What is he supposed to do with something so much softer?

It should be easy to ignore. But like an amorphous block, the soft edges of the feelings squeeze out no matter where he tries to shove them down.

Ryuu doesn’t think Atsushi has noticed anything is off. He’s sure Atsushi would have said something by now otherwise. As an adult, Atsushi has all the observation skills of a detective and none of the reticence for sharing his observations that he used to. The new confidence is annoying, and has led to annoying things like Ryuu being forced to buy Atsushi food all the time, and in general, Atsushi is somehow more annoying than when he went running scared from Ryuu’s every glare.

And Ryuu has feelings for him anyway. His taste leaves much to be desired, and he needs to come up with some synonyms for annoying.

This systematic denial works for all of two weeks, and Ryuu is ready to celebrate the success of creating a new normal so seamlessly that Atsushi hasn’t even noticed they have a new normal, when it all goes to shit.

They don’t have quite as many people to beat into the ground to protect Yokohama as they did when they started their partnership, but every so often, a new group thinks it’s a good idea to disturb the peace. Ryuu and Atsushi, for their efficiency alone, are the best choice for dealing with it.

Some syndicate from Europe seems to think they have the right to expand into the Asian market, and they’ve set their eyes on the port of Yokohama for their first step in. They don’t have nearly the same aversion to city-wide destruction that the Port Mafia do, which makes this the Armed Detective Agency’s problem too, and, consequently, Ryuu and Atsushi’s problem. They’re in charge of stopping and containing a Gifted vanguard while the combined strategic might of Dazai and Mori deal with the rest of the syndicate.

It’s a tough fight, but Ryuu gets to let loose and use his Ability to the fullest. His deal with Atsushi to not kill is long since over, but he developed habits during those six months that he hasn’t bothered to shake, and the fight isn’t the bloodbath it could be. Still, when the last person raises their hands in surrender, Ryuu is almost gasping for breath. He may have learned to work smarter instead of harder, but working smarter is hard on him in its own way.

“Good work today,” Atsushi says, wiping blood from an already-healed cut off his mouth. Even after all this time, the praise still sends a thrill down Ryuu’s spine.

Then Atsushi lifts his head, and his eye are so wide, and he looks so happy, smiling without reservation at Ryuu, and Ryuu doesn’t know what his face does, but it must be pretty spectacular because Atsushi’s smile fades.

“Are you okay?” he asks. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

“I’m fine,” Ryuu says, turning on his heel to get away from Atsushi and the emotions he wears so openly. He needs to find a bar, one Atsushi won’t follow him to, and he doesn’t stop to consider the implications of skipping their post-mission dinner arrangement for the first time in years.

When Chuuya finds him, he’s getting systematically drunk.

Which, granted, doesn’t take much, He’s always been a bit of a lightweight, probably due to how severely underweight he’s been for most of his life. That’s not quite the problem it used to be, and one shot isn’t enough to take him out at the knees anymore, but he doesn’t even have to use his fancy mafia paycheck to get well and truly plastered.

“So I know I’m about to sound like a hypocrite, but it’s barely five,” Chuuya says, and while his words are chiding, his tone isn’t. Ryuu is still working on reading people’s intentions, but Chuuya has never been hard. He’s worried. “Wanna talk?”

“Stupid fucking Jinko and his stupid fucking doe eyes,” Ryuu mutters before he can stop himself. He’s had six shots. He wishes he had a better excuse.

“Oh, so it’s that kind of drinking,” Chuuya sighs. He raises his hand to catch the bartender’s attention, elegant and confident in one motion. “Whiskey for me. Water for him.”

“I’m fine.”

“Akutagawa.”

Chuuya rests his hand on Ryuu’s head, and Ryuu is almost ashamed of the way he leans into the touch immediately. Despite all the jokes even he himself makes, he’s not a dog. Still, to have someone touch him without even the intention of hurting him…it’s nice. It’s uncommon. It’s, perhaps, something that shouldn’t be so uncommon from a superior.

He’s so drunk.

“Do you want my advice?” Chuuya asks after the bartender sets both of their drinks down and Ryuu throws back half the tall glass of water.

Ryuu is silent for just a beat too long.

“Kid,” Chuuya sighs again, not angry or even exasperated, as is more common with him and Ryuu recently. He sounds faintly amused. “I know we’ve talked about this. You’re allowed to say no to me.”

“It’s not…” Ryuu tries. “I just…” He has to parse it into words, the fact that after Gin, Chuuya was the first he thought to turn to, and why he didn’t in the end. “I don’t know if I, necessarily, want the answer I think you’ll give me.”

“What answer do you think I’ll give you?” Chuuya asks. His hand is still on Ryuu’s head, pulling until Ryuu is very nearly tucked into his shoulder.

“Two options,” Ryuu says. “Something I can’t use, or something I won’t want to.”

“Ah.” Chuuya takes a sip of his whiskey. “You know I’ve had relationships with people other than Dazai, right?”

“That’s where the something I can’t use comes from.”

“So my relationship with Dazai is too fucked up, but all my other relationships are too normal?” Chuuya asks, summing it up entirely too well.

“I don’t think I can do normal,” Ryuu says. “I’m pretty sure he can’t either.”

“I can’t tell you how to fix that,” Chuuya admits. “If I knew, I wouldn’t be where I am. Which isn’t a complaint, by the way. I’m happy. But I’ll admit parts of my life are less than functional, and that’s down to choices I’ve made. That being said…” he gives Ryuu’s hair a little tug until Ryuu is truly resting on his shoulder, head momentarily stopped from spinning, “…I doubt Nakajima would kick you out of his life for anything at this point.”

“You think I should talk to him too,” Ryuu says.

“Gin’s smarter than you give her credit for.”

“She told you about this?”

“I just know she’s the only other person you’d tell about this,” Chuuya says. “You’re not actually that complicated.”

“I talk to Higuchi about stuff,” Ryuu pouts. He won’t admit he’s pouting.

“You’re not cruel to her anymore,” Chuuya says. “So no, I don’t think you would’ve told her about this.”

“I want another shot.”

“You should probably be done for the night,” Chuuya advises. “Listen. I don’t know how this is gonna shake out. I don’t know Nakajima well enough to guess what he’ll do. But I do know you, and I can tell you that you’re gonna be okay.”

“You think?”

“I think it would take another city-destroying disaster for you to not be okay,” Chuuya says. “And that wasn’t an invitation. I’m enjoying the peace. It’s good for business.” His phone chimes. “Your ride is here, and you’re cut off.”

“You called a car?”

“Like I said,” Chuuya says, getting to his feet, “I know you.”

Having a superior care so openly about him is still a bit of a new experience, and rather than try to examine anything Chuuya said, Ryuu just collapses into bed when the driver drops him off, hoping he’ll just forget everything by the morning. He doesn’t, of course, because that would be too easy.

Things were fine between him and Atsushi before, but suddenly, there’s a new tension. Ryuu panics, convinced Atsushi knows, but after a day of careful observation, he’s almost positive that Atsushi actually doesn’t. Atsushi isn’t shying away from the parts of their alliance that Ryuu, a few years ago, had reluctantly labelled as friendship. He doesn’t have a problem with their casual conversation, and their shared food arrangements have picked up again without so much as a mention of one missed.

In fact, the only thing that has changed is actually something Ryuu’s seen before, just not in years.

They’re friends now. Beyond just tolerating his presence, Ryuu does like having Atsushi around. He even has these new mushy feelings that make him a little sick to his stomach if he thinks about them too hard. But none of that changes the fact that sometimes, Atsushi annoys the ever-loving fuck out of him.

Snapping at Atsushi usually only gets Ryuu an eye roll now, or sometimes a shut up if he says something particularly spiteful, but ever since Ryuu bailed on dinner, every time he snaps at Atsushi, instead of the customary dismissal, Ryuu gets a flinch like he used to when they first started working together.

And seriously, what the fuck? He knows Atsushi isn’t scared of him anymore. For one thing, they’ve proven a few times that Atsushi can beat him into the ground if he wants. For another, Ryuu has calmed down a bit and Atsushi has stuck around enough to figure out how to exist in the same space without killing each other. They haven’t had a serious fight in years.

Ryuu can’t figure out what Atsushi’s sudden problem is, and doubly can’t figure out why it would’ve started after he skipped buying Atsushi food once. It’s almost enough to push the mush feelings that started this whole mess to a backburner, only surfacing when Ryuu’s eyes linger too long on the clean, lithe lines of Atsushi’s body, and he knows he’s not the only one who stares, anyway.

And then a new group surfaces. A remnant faction of the Guild that has apparently spent the better part of five years biding their time and preparing to take revenge on both the Port Mafia and the ADA. Since Ryuu and Atsushi were the ones to take down Fitzgerald, the faction prepared the most for them. From the beginning of an attack they only had the slightest warning for, Ryuu and Atsushi are methodically separated from everyone else.

They’re losing. Badly. Ryuu doesn’t know where any allies are except for Atsushi, and then only because Rashomon still has a tendril on him. Blood pours down his leg from a shot above his knee, and Ryuu resists the urge to favor the leg in case he has to run again. He ducks into an alley and slides down the wall, trying to catch his breath, get his bearings. He hasn’t had to legitimately fight for survival in a long time, and though his life has made him no stranger to pain, he’s not as young as he used to be, and his body protests when Ryuu tries to demand movement from it.

“Aku.”

It seems Atsushi has found him. Ryuu doesn’t even bother to snap at him for the nickname. Atsushi picked up the habit a few years back, saying Ryuu’s name was too long for him to yell, and Ryuu has begrudgingly gotten used to it, only putting up token protests now. He hurts too much for those, though.

“We have to get clear,” Ryuu tells him.

He heard some distant explosions he’d bet his coat are Chuuya, and where they find Chuuya, they’ll find the Black Lizard – they’ll find Gin – and they’ll find Dazai, or at least Dazai’s mind, talking through an earpiece and entirely out of the fight, safe where he’s most effective. Those allies would be enough to turn the tide, if only Ryuu had any damn clue how they could get clear.

“I have an idea,” Atsushi says.

“That is not your area,” Ryuu counters. He can’t help himself. Everything hurts.

“I know you’re mad at me, but trust me on this,” Atsushi pleads.

“I’m not…” Ryuu is so taken aback he needs a second to organize a response. “Why would I be mad at you?”

Generally speaking, he’s almost never mad at Atsushi anymore. If he is’ it’s a fleeting anger, gone as soon as he recognizes it. He has no clue why Atsushi might think he’s angry enough to revert their relationship back five years.

“Because you skipped dinner, and you made this face…” Atsushi trails off, and Ryuu…

His taste leaves so much to be desired. Atsushi is an idiot, all personal growth aside, and Ryuu realizes, with a degree of horror, that he feels something very close to fond.

“That’s not why,” he says, voice gruff, and he’s once again lost control of his face. Atsushi searches his eyes, and Ryuu sees the moment the truth dawns on him.

“Are you…?”

“You said you had an idea?” Ryuu interrupts. He keeps his eyes off Atsushi’s face.

“I do,” Atsushi says. “I need all of Rashomon.”

Ryuu instinctively holds his Ability closer. He’d given all of her to Atsushi earlier, a standard play when they’re in an all-out fight, but it only works when Atsushi takes all the hits. After he got shot in the leg, he pulled part of her back.

“Do you think you can hold onto me?” Atsushi asks.

“Why?”

“I won’t be able to hold onto you.”

“You’re going to get us both killed,” Ryuu accuses without heat. He can already feel himself relenting.

“Trust me,” Atsushi begs.

Ryuu does.

“I guess another trip with the world’s worst Uber driver isn’t the worst way to go,” Ryuu sighs.

Atsushi crouches in front of him, hands careful on Ryuu’s leg as he clambers onto Atsushi’s back. It aches, but Ryuu holds with both his arms and hopes for the best.

“Use Rashomon to amplify the jump,” Atsushi tells him. “And leave me plenty of slack.”

“Slack…why?” Ryuu asks, but Atsushi is already gone under his hands, replaced with a tiger. “Oh.”

Atsushi’s muscles bunch, and that’s all the warning Ryuu gets before they take off into the sky.

The tiger can’t fly, but the jump is so powerful, especially with the added strength of Rashomon, that it feels like a near thing. They soar above the building they’d been sheltered behind, over the heads of their enemies, and by the time anyone thinks to attack, it’s already too late.

“East,” Ryuu shouts above the wind. With the new vantage point he can get a better idea of where Chuuya is. Atsushi can’t answer him, of course, but he obeys anyway, touching down and running towards the explosions. They’re almost to relative safety when a strike from the side sends them both sprawling.

An Ability user approaches them, hands crackling with something obviously dangerous. Ryuu doesn’t stop to think. He just attacks, Rashomon rushing the man in furious tendrils. He pulls back at the last minute, and when the dust clears, the man is unconscious and full of holes, but still breathing.

Ryuu is just turning to see if he needs to pull emergency first aid skills out of his ass when he gets an armful of re-humanized Atsushi and a pair of lips hitting his own like a punch. He doesn’t even have time to respond to the kiss before Atsushi shoves him back by the shoulders.

“Wait, shit!”

Atsushi regrets the kiss. Atsushi regrets him.

Ryuu’s hand twitches towards the phone in his pocket. He can leave this all behind and start a new life. In Iceland. He can use the Duolingo app Chuuya made him download to learn the language. He’ll herd sheep. He’ll change his name to Sven.

“I was supposed to ask for consent first!”

“What?” Ryuu – Sven – asks.

“I’m supposed to ask for consent before I kiss you!”

This doesn’t…feel like rejection. Sven – Ryuu – takes his thumb off the Duolingo app.

“You’ve been thinking about kissing me?” he asks.

“I was…I mean…” Atsushi flushes red. “For a while now? I never thought you’d want me to, but then you did, and…”

Leave it to Atsushi to charge right through all the hesitancy Ryuu’s been feeling. He always has been the kind to leap before he looks.

In a better world, they’d have time to let this play out like a shoujo manga, time for them to gaze into each other’s eyes, time to work up to a kiss much softer and slower, something a first kiss deserves to be.

But it’s not a better world, and they’re still not safe, but they’re close enough to allies that they can make a run for it.

“We have to get out of here,” Ryuu says. He can already hear enemies approaching. Atsushi lets go of his shoulders, and they both start running, Ryuu limping on his bad leg. “And Atsushi?”

“Hm?”

“Buy me dinner first.”

Ryuu doesn’t watch Atsushi take that for the consent it is, but he knows the message is received when Atsushi reaches out to squeeze his hand as they run, letting it drop so they can move faster. They’ll probably have to talk this out when they’re safe, because Gin is right; they need to talk. But now they both know it’s not one-sided, and it’s as good a starting place as any.

In spite of the pain in his leg and his lungs, in spite of the danger they’re still in, Ryuu can’t help the grin that spreads across his face as he runs, Atsushi by his side.

#shin soukoku #sskk #akuatsu #atsuaku #bungou stray dogs #bsd #my writing #bsd!oneshot

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rafyki · 5 years

Text

Selfish [BSD - Soukoku]

Tags: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Literal Sleeping Together, First Kiss

Words count: 6215

Read on AO3

~ ~ ~

Chuuya was tired. His feet felt as heavy as concrete, his limbs hurt, his legs screamed in protest with every step he took, his shoulders felt like they were bending under a too big weight; he was even too tired to use his ability and reduce the gravity on himself. He just wanted to reach his room and collapse on the bed.

Some missions were easy, their enemies overthrown fast and without many troubles, leaving him and Dazai standing and ready to fight again if necessary; some other missions, though, gave them a too good fight, exciting while it lasted, while adrenaline ran fast in their veins, but then left them like that, stumbling through the Mafia headquarters, weary and almost devoid of energy.

Chuuya almost always preferred the latter - the sensation of a good hard fight making his blood boil in his veins was a feeling that never grew old for him.

He looked at Dazai, walking silently next to him. He let his eyes roaming over him, a vice Chuuya had let himself indulge even too much lately - but it was okay now, when the corridor was dark and Dazai's eyes were fixed ahead of him, lost in thoughts that Chuuya couldn't guess.

"You're still bleeding", he said, when he noticed the cut on Dazai's cheek, and the wound on his side that kept colouring red his shirt.

Dazai turned to look at him, and it seemed like it took him a few moments to really realize what Chuuya had said. He looked as tired as Chuuya felt.

"Oh", he said, looking down at himself. One hand went up to the wound on his cheek, touching the blood with his thumb. After looking at it for a second, he brought it to his lips, tasting his own blood. "It doesn't hurt".

"That's not the point", Chuuya sighed. "You should get those treated".

Dazai simply shrugged, and Chuuya sighed again, annoyed at the carelessness that Dazai showed towards everything and especially himself.

He knew he wouldn't treat those wounds - if there was something that Chuuya could say he knew about Dazai was that he couldn't take care of himself (couldn't, and most of the times simply didn't bother to do it).

They walked in silence for a minute or so, too weary for their usual banter.

"Come on", Chuuya said, breaking the silence when they approached his apartment. He grabbed Dazai's wrist and started to pull him towards the door, preventing him to move onward to his own room.

"I know you can't stay away from me, Chibi, but I'd really like to go to my room and sleep".

"Shut up, shitty Dazai", he answered, not having the strength for a better comeback and focusing on fumbling with his key and open the door.

Weirdly enough, Dazai really did not say anything more as Chuuya led him through the small apartment he called home and to the bedroom.

"Wait here, and don't dirty my sheets with your stupid blood, or I'll kill you".

"Sure, sure".

He went to the bathroom to take the first aid kit, groaning in pain as his every muscle seemed to be screaming and begging him to sit down and rest. He wasn't hurt like Dazai - he was actually very proud of the fact that he was definitely better than Dazai was at avoiding bullets and such, thanks to his ability - still, he probably needed to take care of himself, too.

Why am I even doing this?, he wondered, annoyed at himself and his own stupid feelings for the stupid waste of bandages waiting in the other room.

Chasing the thought out of his mind was as hard as usual.

Why did he even feel like that? He hated everything about Dazai - starting from his self confidence, to his continuous suicide attempts, from how annoyingly clever he was to how irritating he was when he decided that he wanted to make Chuuya's life difficult.

He cut his own train of thoughts off before he could derail on way too familiar paths. He had wasted too much time thinking about Dazai, the list of things he hated about him more often than not turning into a precise account of tiny details that Chuuya had gathered during all the times he couldn't bring himself to stop looking at his partner - like the quirk of his lips when he smiled, the dangerous light in his eyes when he was facing an enemy, the tone of his voice and the way it sent shivers down Chuuya's back, the freeing sensation that for some reason filled him whenever they were together and Dazai let the mask that he always wore for everyone else fall for a moment.

Ugh, stop it, Chuuya told himself, shutting the cabinet and hoping that his troublesome thoughts had been trapped inside.

Of course, when he came back to his room, he found Dazai lying on the bed, arms spread open at his sides, eyes closed, and a relaxed expression on his face. A way too relaxed face for someone who was definitely dirtying Chuuya's sheets with blood.

Why did he even like that asshole?

The kick on his legs was earned, and Dazai was probably expecting it anyway.

"Ouch, Chuuyaaaa, why are you like this, I thought you were supposed to treat my wounds, not cause more!"

"You dirtied my sheets, you fucking asshole", he replied, but he sat himself next to Dazai, and took out what he needed from the first aid kit, as Dazai got up and put himself in a sitting position.

They stayed in silence for a while, as Chuuya cleaned first the wound on Dazai's cheek, and then tried his best not to stare as he took off his blood soaked shirt - because, even in that state and covered in dirty bandages, Dazai was annoyingly pleasant to look at.

He was probably too caught in his own thoughts and being angry with himself for even thinking that sort of things, because Dazai let out a hiss of pain as Chuuya was taking off his bandages.

"Don't be so rough, Chibi, what kind of nurse are you even?"

Chuuya barely resisted the urge of punching him, or kicking him right in his still open wound. "Fuck you, I'm not your nurse! You should be grateful I'm even helping you, stop fuckin complaining".

"Why are you doing it?", Dazai asked after a while. The tone of his voice, quiet and unusually void of the familiar teasing edge, pushed Chuuya to look up from where he was cleaning the wound and met his eyes.

And what he saw in them almost made him feel dizzy. It was an honest question, like Dazai really didn't expect anyone - didn't expect him - to help him, or to care enough to do it. It made blood boil in Chuuya's vein. Of course he would help him, as if that was even a question!

"You wouldn't have done it yourself, and you sure as hell wouldn't have gone to the infirmary", he answered, breaking eye contact and resuming his work. "You suck at taking care of yourself".

He wasn't expecting the soft laugh that followed his words.

"I want to die, Chuuya. Taking care of myself isn't exactly my priority".

That made Chuuya even angrier. He couldn't understand it, couldn't get why Dazai was so careless about his own life, why he was so ready to throw it away.

He wasn't sure if he was angry only at Dazai for being like that or also at himself for not being able to help him in any way.

"You're so fuckin selfish, you know that?"

Another chuckle, but when Chuuya looked up again, he didn't see any teasing or laugh in Dazai's expression, only sad resignation, and maybe what could have been a hint of regret.

"Yeah, I know".

Unable to stand that look, and at the same time not really wanting to look away, Chuuya gathered his strength and turned away, taking new bandages and starting to wrap Dazai's torso again.

They finished in an heavy and not really comfortable silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts.

When Chuuya went to the bathroom to put back the first aid kit, he almost expected to come back to an empty room. Instead, he had to blink a few times to make sure that the scene before his eyes wasn't just a weird product of his overtired mind.

"What are you doing?"

"Tryin' to sleep", Dazai answered, his voice muffled from the pillow he was hiding his face into.

"That's my bed", Chuuya pointed out, as his eyes were fixed on Dazai, who was snuggled on his bed, lying on his uninjured side, his back to Chuuya.

"Yep, great spirit of observation, Chibi".

"You have your own room".

A sigh. "Are you planning on keep saying obvious things or will you let me sleep?"

Really, Chuuya asked himself, why do I even like this guy?

"You could take the couch if you want to stay here, why would I let you sleep in my bed?"

"You can take the couch if you want", Dazai said, as if it was the most normal thing, and he gestured vaguely with an hand, not even turning around when speaking.

Honestly, the guts that guy had. "Or I could just kill you and get it over with".

"You're too tired for that", Dazai said, the teasing tone in his voice evident despite the clear weariness. "Come on", he added, and patted the spot on the bed next to him.

It was really something, the way Dazai could at the same time make Chuuya's nerves pulse with anger and making his heart skip a beat or running like crazy.

"You're so fucking annoying", he murmured under his breath, part at Dazai and part at himself and his own feelings. He cursed again when Dazai chuckled and his heart decided that skipping beats was its new favourite thing to do.

The bed was more than big enough for the two of them, but that didn't make it any easier for Chuuya's traitor heart. And forcing himself to turn around and not staring at Dazai's sleepy relaxed features was probably the most difficult mission he had faced that day.

" 'night, Chibi".

Chuuya simply hummed in response, hating Dazai and the way he made him feel more than anything.

For once, he was grateful for the weariness of his body and mind, because he doubted that, if it wasn't for that, he would have managed to close his eyes that night. Instead, he fell asleep after not too long, his mind too tired to focus on anything but the regular and relaxed sound of Dazai's soft breathing.

He wasn't sure, next morning, if being grateful or not that the spot next to him on the bed was empty.

~ ~ ~

It became an habit of sort - Chuuya taking care of Dazai's wounds after a mission, when necessary, and then Dazai just refusing to leave his room and ending up spending the night in Chuuya's bed.

Saying he had gotten used to it and the proximity didn't affect him anymore would have been one of the biggest lie ever, because his heart kept skipping and pounding like crazy in his throat every time it happened, refusing to leave Chuuya alone and always ready to remind him of his misery and stupid feelings.

He still liked it, though (and at this point he couldn't really keep denying it to himself), despite how stupid the thought made him feel and the many nights spent without being able to sleep and staring at Dazai in the dark.

He liked the closeness, liked the warm feeling spreading in his chest as Dazai let himself be vulnerable (or, as vulnerable as he was capable of) when it was just the two of them. He liked the honesty of those moments.

He liked all that, and hated it at the same time.

Hated it because he couldn't understand why Dazai did it, hated it because it didn't happen often enough and, now, when Dazai didn't show up, his nights felt more lonely and his bed way too big just for himself.

Until, one day, it wasn't just to treat injuries after difficult missions anymore.

Until, one day, Dazai stared to come into Chuuya's house at night, occupying his bed without saying anything and sleeping there as if it was the most normal thing ever.

Sometimes, Chuuya came back to his apartment and found him already there, still awake as if waiting for him; some other times, he heard him easily picking his lock and coming in, followed the sound of his footsteps until they stopped near the bed, and felt the mattress bending under the new weight.

The first time it happened, it was the former.

"The fuck are you doing here?"

Dazai opened his one eye not covered in bandages and looked at Chuuya.

"Ehi, Chibi", he just said."Turn off the light, I was trying to sleep".

And really, Chuuya was completely justified for how his nerves pulsed and gravity increased around him making the floor crack. He was also, definitely justified for the kick he aimed at Dazai's back.

"This is my house, you useless mackerel, what are you even doin here?"

Not that he wanted him to go, obviously - as his traitor heart had kindly reminded him when it had made a somersault as soon as he had seen Dazai on the bed and the prospect of a lonely night had turned into that of spending it so close with his partner.

A thought crossed his mind, suddenly, and he cursed himself for not having had it before.

"You're injured?", he asked, moving closer to the bed, worry starting to creep into his him.

"Nope", Dazai answered, and finally raised in a sitting position and properly faced Chuuya. "Your bed is simply more comfortable than mine", he shrugged, as that explained everything.

It didn't, not to Chuuya.

“Bullshit”.

He knew that Dazai wouldn't give him a serious explanation, though, not until he himself wouldn't want to. So Chuuya swallowed another curse and his heart that was pounding painfully in his throat, and changed into his sleeping clothes (safely hiding his hat in the wardrobe, like he had started doing after one morning it had went missing and he had only found it later, sitting comfortably on Dazai's stupid head).

Than night, Chuuya couldn't sleep, both his mind and feelings a mess impossible to unravel. He looked at Dazai, so close that he would only need to move a few immense centimeters to touch him, and yet always so impossible to reach and to understand.

He looked at him, and thought he wanted nothing more than close the small distance between them. Maybe it was the tiredness from the long day of work that made him act on his desires without really thinking about it - and so, he moved closer, like a haunted animal afraid to alert the one chasing him, until they were closer than ever. Not quite touching, but close enough that he could feel Dazai's warmth like a ghost on his skin.

His heart hammered in his chest.

He would move away again, he promised himself, he would only indulge in a few dangerous minutes, a secret that the dark of the night could hold forever.

Dazai's breath was soft and regular, telling Chuuya that despite him moving, he hadn't even stirred. Seeing Dazai so calm and relaxed was a privilege, and one Chuuya was extremely grateful for.

What am I even doing?

What is he even doing?

He wanted to know - he needed to know. Maybe Dazai knew about Chuuya's feelings for him, and that was his plan for mocking him and making his life hell? Chuuya shook his head at himself - that wasn't like Dazai; he was perceptive and clever enough that the chances that he had understood were scarily high, but Chuuya knew he wouldn't react like this.

No, this was something else. Maybe Dazai simply didn't want to sleep alone.

Sighing, he gave up on trying to find an answer - Dazai was a dilemma, an unsolvable mystery whose answer only he knew. Chuuya had no chance of finding it on his own.

He still couldn't take his eyes away from him, though. Even in the dark, he could make out Dazai's features, the lines of his eyes, his jaw, his lips.

Fuck, I want to kiss him.

He turned around in a swift motion before the thought was even fully formed in his mind, blushing, his face coming aflame under the weight of the embarrassment.

He didn't sleep at all that night, he spent it awake, all too aware of the body so close behind him (and yet not wanting to move away from it and put a safe distance between them again), and wondering where would he even find the strength to face Dazai the next day.

~ ~ ~

Usually, Chuuya would wake up to an empty bed (for the nights when he could actually sleep). Empty and cold like no one was there in the first place, and the whole thing had been nothing more than Chuuya's way too vivid imagination playing games on him.

There were times, though, when Dazai would stay and Chuuya would wake up, open his eyes and find him still lying next him, asleep.

Those times were the hardest test for his nerves and self control, the moments when he couldn't stop himself from indulging in fantasies and letting them play freely in his head.

He had accused Dazai of being selfish, but in those mornings he thought the truth was that he was probably as selfish as him.

Because he didn't know why Dazai was there, why he kept coming back - and every time he tried to ask him, the answers were always the same obvious lies, or a taunting comeback that told Chuuya that Dazai didn't want to talk about it.

But, what Chuuya knew for sure was that he wanted him to keep doing so.

He wanted to be able to be close to him, bask in the sense of intimacy they had built for themselves when they were hidden behind the curtains of the night. He wanted to keep looking at Dazai relaxed sleeping face, looking at his lips and imagining how it would feel to kiss him. He wanted to keep being Dazai's hiding place from whatever was going on in his mind.

He wanted to take whatever Dazai was giving him, no matter the reason behind it.

He wondered if that made him selfish, or simply stupid.

~ ~ ~

It changed, one night, and the careful balance of pretending they had built inside the four walls of Chuuya's house came tumbling down.

Chuuya was lying in his bed, waiting and hoping to hear the front door open, and Dazai's careful footsteps crossing the apartment and coming into the bedroom. And so it happened, after some long minutes of hopeful waiting, as so often it did lately.

It was just like every other night. Until it wasn't anymore.

Until Chuuya felt Dazai crawling into bed, coming so much closer than any other time.

Until he felt Dazai's arm coming around his waist, and his body pressed against his back.

He couldn't help how his body stiffened at the sudden contact, nor the way breath stopped in his throat.

It felt like an eternity until Dazai spoke.

"Chuuya", he murmured, and Chuuya could feel his warm breath tickling the skin of his neck. "You awake?"

"As if I could sleep like this".

The words were forced out through the lump in his throat and Chuuya himself could barely hear them over the pounding of his own heart. Dazai could probably feel it, feel the way his touch made Chuuya's heart run and his mind a mess.

Not that it mattered - after all, there was an high chance he had always known (because Dazai was simply too clever and observant, and Chuuya had never been good at hiding his feelings, especially from him).

Somehow, the soft nervous laugh that escaped Dazai's lips was enough to reduce the tension in the room, and Chuuya felt himself relaxing in Dazai's hold.

Without thinking twice about it, he brought one of his hands over Dazai's, holding it.

"What's wrong?"

Because it was crystal clear that there was something wrong, something that was making Dazai cling to him like that.

Chuuya knew him well enough to know that some days, for Dazai, were much worse than others, days when he had a dark light in his eyes and a serious tone in his voice as he talked about the inconsequence and dullness of living, and the free release of killing himself; days when he felt farther away than ever, trapped in his own too intelligent mind.

Minutes ticked by without an answer - or maybe it was mere seconds, passing like a lifetime to Chuuya's senses.

"I sleep better when I'm with you".

The words were a breathed murmur again his neck

He had guessed it, in some measure, but hearing Dazai saying it made it true, real. The words, quiet and honest echoed in Chuuya's mind for some long interminable seconds.

"Is that why you've been stealing my bed all this time?"

"Mhm", Dazai hummed in assent, and his hold on Chuuya tightened ever so slightly. "Does it annoy you?"

Stupid question, the most idiotic question ever - it made Chuuya wonder if Dazai was really as clever as he claimed. Or if he simply wanted to hear the answer coming from Chuuya's lips - like a game, where if he had to be honest, so did Chuuya, too.

"You always annoy me", Chuuya said in the end. "But I could have thrown you out whenever I wanted, you know".

Their joined hands were lying against Chuuya's chest, his heart hammering against them, and there was no way Dazai couldn't feel it. Somehow, the thought wasn't as scary as is should have been.

"But you didn't". A beat, a pause. "Why?"

It felt like a callback to that night, the one that started everything, when Dazai had asked him why Chuuya was helping him treating his injuries - like they were somehow back where they had started.

It would have been easy eluding the question, saying something that could take the conversation back on a safe track. But Chuuya found he didn't really want that.

Instead, he let go of Dazai's hand, and turned around in his embrace, facing him for the first time that night.

They were close - Dazai's arm was still on Chuuya's waist, their chests were almost pressed together, their legs touching, their faces so close Chuuya could feel Dazai's breath on his lips.

Dazai's eye not covered by the bandages was fixed on Chuuya, and even in the dark Chuuya could imagine the curiosity painted in it.

"I guess-", he started, then swallowed around the lump constricting his throat. "I guess sometimes I'm selfish, too".

"I thought I was the selfish one".

"Yeah, well, we can both be".

When Dazai let out a breathless laugh, Chuuya felt it tingling on his lips.

Silence, a moment suspended in time.

"Can I be selfish now, Chuuya?"

"About what?"

A beat of silence, the the soft whisper. "You".

Chuuya had barely time to wonder what that meant and to nod before Dazai was kissing him.

It was soft, careful, hesitant even - everything Chuuya had never thought kissing Dazai would be.

Where he had imagined fire and eagerness from the very first moment, there was a slow and tentative touch, where he had thought there would be nothing but passion and chaos, there was a sigh against his lips and a gentle hand cupping his face.

It was nothing like Chuuya had imagined it, and maybe that shocked him even more than the same fact that Dazai was kissing him.

Until his startled and overwhelmed mind caught up to what was happening, and reminded Chuuya to kiss back. And he did, placing a hand to the back of Dazai's neck to bring him closer, and pressing his lips more firmly against his.

That seemed to be the only assurance that Dazai needed, like he had been barely testing the waters until then, giving Chuuya the chance to back out if he wanted.

As if Chuuya could ever do that, as if he could ever turn back now and give up something that he had been wanting for way too long, haunted by his own thoughts and feelings. He parted his lips, letting Dazai's warm tongue inside, licking into his mouth, sliding against his own, letting his taste invade his senses.

It was still different than what Chuuya had imagined, even with the hot touches and eagerness in the way they kept drawing each other in, closer and closer like they couldn't have enough – and it was true, at least for Chuuya himself; he didn't think he could ever get enough of the intoxicating ocean of sensations he was drowning in in that moment.

It was in the way – wanting and hungry and yet languid and possessive – that Dazai was touching him, his fingers stroking his skin, their legs tangled together, and in the way Chuuya, with their bodies pressed together, could feel him shudder with every new contact.

It was in the way it felt like Dazai wanted, needed that as much as Chuuya did. And that, was a fantasy Chuuya had never really let himself indulge.

Chuuya wanted to ask what did it mean, wanted to ask Dazai why. But, between the confusion and the overwhelming feelings clouding his mind, and the press of Dazai's lips, his taste filling his senses, and the burning touch of his hands, Chuuya couldn't focus on anything but what was happening right in that moment, and couldn't bring himself to stop.

And maybe, the truth was that right then and there he didn't need a reason, he just wanted to keep going, taking what he had desired for so long and that now Dazai was finally giving him.

So they kept kissing, lost in each other, their lips meeting over and over again, for an eternity. Until they both were short of breath and like that, still in each other's arms, they fell asleep.

When Chuuya woke up, Dazai was still there, snuggled up against him, hugging him, their legs still tangled together. His eyes were open, fixed on Chuuya, his lips curved in an almost imperceptible smile.

For a moment, Chuuya thought he was still dreaming.

"Stop staring at me, you creep", he mumbled, voice slow from sleep.

"Ahh, but Chuuya! You're so cute when you sleep!"

Chuuya hated how his heart started beating faster at the compliment, despite the obvious teasing in Dazai's voice - he blamed the fact that he had just woken up, and that he could still feel the pressure of Dazai's lips against his.

He breathed out in relief at the familiar banter that followed and at the fact that Dazai didn't move away, keeping close to Chuuya like he didn't mean to ever let go of him.

It had been like a dream, the night before, like they were moving in a limbo or in another reality, where they could do and say whatever they wanted, and it wouldn't matter anymore once it would be touched by the daylight.

But now, now it felt like the two realities had merged, and they didn't have to hide behind the night anymore.

So Chuuya leaned in, cutting off with his lips whatever idiotic thing Dazai was saying.

"That's cheating, Chuuya".

"That's strategy, mackerel".

There was still something, though, nagging at Chuuya's mind, a voice that kept whispering doubts at questions.

"Dazai".

The tone of his voice must have given him away, because there was now a glint of seriousness in Dazai's eyes.

"Why did you kiss me last night?"

He wasn't expecting one of Dazai's hand to find his own and staring to play with his fingers. As if it was normal, as if it was something they always did, and not something that made Chuuya's mind short-circuit.

"Why did you kiss back?"

"Don't answer my question with another", Chuuya said, rolling his eyes. Then added, "And you know why, anyway".

"Do I? Maybe I want to hear you say it".

"Fuck you", Chuuya shot back, but it lacked his usual strength. "And don't elude the question", he added.

A sigh. "You said it yourself, I'm selfish - I wanted it, so I did it"

Chuuya thought it was fair, in a way – maybe, the night before, both of them had been thinking more about themselves than the other, too lost in what they wanted to think about what the other wanted and what it would mean for them.

It could mean everything, it could mean nothing.

What Chuuya knew was that it wanted to at least mean something. And he didn't know what Dazai wanted, but he was willing to wait, let him be selfish, as Chuuya did the same.

After all, it really seemed that, when it came to Dazai, he really was selfish.

~ ~ ~

Nothing changed, on the outside. It was still the same - the same banter, the same continuous insulting and teasing each other, the same fighting together as partners. What was different was that now, when Chuuya imagined kissing Dazai, he knew what it really felt like, the the taste of his lips engraved in his senses; now, Chuuya knew he could indulge in his fantasies without feeling stupidly hopeless, because he knew he could turn them into reality whenever he wanted.

Now, when Dazai stayed the night - and it happened almost every day - there was no space between them, their bodies as close as possible, their arms around each other, their fingers entwined.

"You said you sleep better with me", Chuuya said one such night. "What did you mean?"

He had learned that at night, in those moments when nothing else existed in the whole world outside the two of them, Dazai was more willing to be honest. And Chuuya was selfish enough to take advantage of that.

"Just that", Dazai answered. "My dreams are way too crowded usually, it keeps me awake".

"And they quiet down when you're with me".

"Don't boast, Chibi, it's just because you're too noisy and annoying, you make everything else seem quiet".

Chuuya laughed, and his arms around Dazai tightened its hold. "Mhm, sure it is".

“And what about your days?”, he asked again, after a while. “You said that your nights are too noisy and crowded- what about your days, how are they?”

It was a while until Dazai answered, so long that Chuuya started to think he had fallen asleep, or simply had no intention of answering.

“My days are even too quiet, usually”.

“Do I make that better, too?”

“You're rowdy, it's a nice contrast”.

To be honest, Chuuya hadn't expected that answer. The warm sensation spreading through him had become pleasantly familiar, especially on nights like that.

He didn't say anything else, letting Dazai fall asleep and lose himself in quiet dreams.

~ ~ ~

Nothing changed on the outside between them, but Chuuya couldn't help but notice that the times he had to rescue Dazai from a river he had thrown himself into, or save him from some other fanciful attempt to kill himself, had decreased noticeably.

~ ~ ~

Another day, another difficult mission, and another night that saw Chuuya and Dazai walking side by side in corridors of the Mafia headquarters, heavy limbs and aching muscles asking for relief in several hours of sleep.

It wasn't a question, when they stopped before Chuuya's front door - that, at that point, wasn't even just Chuuya's anymore (and the thought made his heart flip happily, like every time he saw the evident signs of Dazai's presence in his home).

It was an established routine - Chuuya going to the bathroom to take the first aid kit, Dazai waiting in the bedroom (and Chuuya was now sadly used to his sheets being tainted by blood) for him to come back and treat his injuries.

At one point, Chuuya had told him he could as well start doing it on his own.

Dazai had replied with "Why would I when I have you doing it? And I know you like taking care of me, Chuuya".

"Only because you're a huge baby and refuse to do it yourself", he had replied, but the blush on his cheeks probably gave away the fact that Dazai's words were true. And, judging by the smug smile on his lips, Dazai knew it, too.

Now, as he sat besides Dazai, studying him and the injuries that marked his body from the recent fight, Chuuya felt strangely serene, as if he was exactly where he needed to be. He was willing and ready to take care of Dazai until he wouldn't do it himself; and the simple fact that Dazai let him, that he came to him for comfort, that he let Chuuya in while everyone else stayed locked outside – it was something, and more than Chuuya had ever thought he could get.

They hadn't talked about it, about what their relationship was, about what it meant – but, even without labels, they both knew.

Chuuya was snatched away from his thoughts by Dazai's voice, breaking the silence fallen between them.

"You're bleeding", Dazai pointed out, looking at Chuuya's arm, where one of the ability users they had fought earlier had managed to hit him.

He had taken off his jacket and shirt already, and his arm felt stiff and aching, but nothing he couldn't stand for a little while.

"I know", he said, and shrugged. "It's nothing".

"A bit hypocritical, eh, Chuuya?"

And Chuuya had to stop for a moment and laugh, because Dazai was looking at him with a smile and mirth in his eyes - and Chuuya had the feeling that Dazai had expected that kind of answer from him.

"Shut up, unlike you I'm gonna treat my own wounds later", he replied, as he started working on Dazai's wounds.

They stayed in silence, Dazai with his eyes closed, relaxed under Chuuya's touch.

When he was finished, Chuuya put away the dirty cloth, and took a clean one and new bandages to treat his own wound.

A hand suddenly put on his stopped him from moving.

"Let me", Dazai said, softly, a murmur in the quiet of the room, and he took the cloth and gauze from Chuuya's hands.

Chuuya, on his part, was too shocked to even reply as Dazai started cleaning his wound. His hands were delicate and careful against his skin, but still able to send shivers throughout his body.

The effect Dazai had on him, even with a single glance or a simple touch, was enough to send Chuuya's mind in a whirl of overwhelming feelings.

"So you do know how to do this", he said, more to break the silence and stop his own thoughts from derailing.

"Of course I do", Dazai answered with an overdramatic roll of his eyes. But his voice was low, thoughtful, at his next words. "I just never thought it really mattered - as long as it didn't hurt. And then there was you, ready to take care of me", he added, raising his eyes from what he was doing and meeting Chuuya's. "I'm not good at taking care of myself, but it's easier when you help me. And I like it".

"A bit selfish, eh, Dazai?", Chuuya said, voice as soft as Dazai's.

"Guess you're right", Dazai chuckled. His hand was still moving carefully against Chuuya's skin. "But-"

"But...?"

"I think I'm tired of being selfish".

Chuuya had to remember himself to breathe, swallowed once to clear his throat - a maybe his head, but that seemed like it had stopped working, too busy repeating Dazai's words. Their eyes were still locked together.

"Yeah?", he managed to say, a smile making its way on his lips. He found Dazai's hand, that had stopped cleaning the wound and was now simply resting on Chuuya's arm, stroking the clear skin, and took it in his own, their fingers lacing together naturally.

It was Dazai who leaned in and kissed him, a familiar gesture by now, but to which Chuuya still couldn't get used to. There was no hesitance, their lips firmly pressed together and moving against each other, their free hands finding their way on each other's bodies, keeping each other close.

Chuuya thought he would gladly spend the rest of forever kissing Dazai, feeling his touch, his smell, his taste, feeling him, like nothing else existed in the world and his senses were only made to feel him, and him alone.

“You know”, he murmured when they broke apart, breathing heavily against each other's lips. “When we kissed for the first time, I was think more about myself than you”.

Dazai laughed. “That makes it two of us”.

“Told you we're both selfish”, Chuuya said, his hand stroking Dazai's cheek, his smile brushing against his.

Maybe that was what made them a good match.

“And what were you thinking about now?”

“Us”.

Chuuya smiled. “ Me too”, he said, and kissed him again.

#bungou stray dogs #soukoku #nakahara chuuya #dazai osamu #soukoku fanfic #my fics

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misstinfoilhat · 5 years

Text

Whumptober 2019 #12: Field-Medicine - Bungou Stray Dogs

(This is one of the optional alternatives in the prompt-list for Whumptober, replacing “don’t move!”) xXx12xXx The thought “why do I always find myself in situations like these?” had occurred to Osamu Dazai a number of times. Like, the time he had woken up, stranded on a deserted island without even remembering having boarded a ship, or the time he had locked himself out, on top of the roof of the Agency building in the middle of winter and being stuck there for hours without his coat. It turned out that Kunikida had been well aware of where he was, but apparently had such a strong need of a break from him, that he honestly did not care if he stepped off the ledge and plummeted down from the roof to the sweet relief of his death or not. Obviously, that had totally killed his desire to do just that.

Still, he kinda did. He summoned his inner Chuuya and climbed down two stories, just so he could knock on the office windows, smiling and waving as every face turned towards him paled sickly, and full panic had erupted.

It had been totally unnecessary and completely over the top. Sure, his fingers were freezing and he couldn't feel his toes- one wrong move and he would surely have fallen off. But, he felt like he had the situation mostly under control.

That wasn't necessarily exactly what was going on right now though, but he for sure felt the same way about it. He was stuck in a very unpleasant position without any obvious way of getting out of it.

They were out on a mission, looking for a young boy that had been missing for a couple of hours. The kid had gotten scared when he had realized that he had a special ability. Neither of his parents had any, and the boy had no experiences with that kind of power. They weren't sure what kind of gift he possessed yet, only that it had almost resulted in their entire house burning down. It had been an explosion, but luckily, no serious injuries or fatalities. The fire department had found a gas leak in the grand country house, but the boy was the only one who could answer what had actually triggered the eruption.

In other words, this child could potentially be very dangerous to himself and others if he wasn't found soon.

The search was what had led him into these woods. Dazai absolutely hated the woods. There were mosquitos and horseflies, the air was humid and he had stepped in a puddle of mud, which he was about 85% sure wasn't bear excrements.

So now his feet were cold and he had several of itchy bites all over his arms and who-knows-where-else. Also, he was soaking wet after an undesired swim down the stream.

Oh, and then there was the bullet that was currently lodged inside his thigh.

It would seem like they quite possibly had another Atsushi on their hands, (his name even resembled the tiger boy's own name) because someone was after this kid. Someone they didn't know yet, but dangerous enough to carry weapons and be out here with them in the middle of nowhere, looking for him.

Dazai had been separated from the rest of the group when the shooting had started. They didn't see anyone, but they had clearly seen them. The shooting came from behind a thicket of bushes, and none of them had really felt the need to linger around to check it out once they were being fired at. He had no idea where the rest of them were, but he could only hope that none of them had been fatally wounded.

When he first realized he had been shot, he hoped it was just a graze. Tumbling down a steep hill while trying to avoid the bullet rain that chased him didn't leave much room for stopping and assessing the injury.

Luckily, he had been able to crawl his way off the trail, painstakingly slowly and made his way through the grass, finding a small creek. He was unable to walk, so his best, or perhaps only option to get away, was to let himself flow down the stream for a little bit. He wasn't much of a swimmer, but he wasn't much of a walker right now either. He plumped into the water and drifted down for about a hundred meters, where he spotted a large rock that was placed in a way that it looked like it might have a gap under where he could hide. Once he was back out of the water, he was able to crawl his way over to it and worm his way into the small space. It wasn't a good hiding spot, but it was the best he could do at the time. His phone was obviously dead from the swim, which was so typical that he wasn't even able to be bothered by it.

Now that the adrenaline had started to wear off, the burning sensation in his thigh was making itself very well known. His hands patted the underside of his thigh carefully, and it quickly became clear that the bullet hadn't gone all the way through, which would mean that it was still boarded inside his leg. That was not good. The bullet had also penetrated his flesh way too close to his femoral artery, which meant he had to remove the bullet quickly.

Wearily, he leaned his head back, resting it on the rock and cursed silently. It wouldn't be the first time he had to pry a bullet out of himself, but he had hoped that the time before this would have been the last. Oh well, better luck next time, he scoffed unimpressed. If he was going to get the bullet out on his own, he would need to make an emergency-tourniquet. Making a proper tourniquet was impossible to do on oneself. If done correctly, it was humanly impossible not to faint from the excruciating agony one would feel. That also meant that there was an increased chance that he would bleed out before he was able to get proper medical treatment- well, if he didn't nick the artery in the process of course, which would without a doubt make his demise quick and very unpleasant.

Either one was not a desirable way to die- lying in the woods, being eaten on by maggots and flies and eventually having his face bitten off by some predatorial animal was not what he had in mind when planning his death.

He really hated those goddamn bears. And he would much rather bring his face with him into the afterlife.

Heaving for a deep breath and holding it, he twisted his injured leg a little, winching and biting his lip to not cry out in pain. Of course, it would be the same leg as he held his switchblade on. He lifted his pant-leg and dragged the folded knife out from his sock, before settling back into a more bearable position. He unfolded it with a slight frown, before cutting a long piece off the bottom of his coat.

His blood-covered hands left splatters all over the highly beloved jacket, and each tear in the fabric tore a small piece off his soul.

With quivering hands, he inched the piece of textile under his thigh, a little above the wound and started binding the cloth around his leg. But, he had to pause mid-knot, because the brambles in front of him started rattling. The sound of footsteps came closer and closer, and Dazai tried to sharpen his senses and listen closely.

All he had to defend himself with, was the small folding knife, which would not hold up in a gunfight. The phrase, don't bring a knife to a gunfight, had never felt more fitting.

Out of any other options, he tried to get to his feet. As soon as he laid any weight on his damaged leg, it gave out under his weight and he was left dragging it behind while trying to get some distance between himself and whoever was heading his way.

Right behind the rock he'd been hiding under, he collapsed. Beams of agony fired through his entire leg and blinded him for a moment, long enough to make him lose his footing and topple to the ground. He pushed himself as closely to the cliff as he could and tried to stay hidden while peeping towards the bushes.

The first thing he noticed was a disheveled head of blonde hair and two chubby hands pushing the overgrown plants away before two large hazel orbs watched anxiously from side to side.

It was the boy.

Just as Dazai recognized him, the kid startled abruptly, noticing the blood trail that Dazai had left behind. He backed away with staggering footsteps and was ready to run off.

Dazai threw himself from his hiding spot, hitting the ground and squirming a few feet to make himself visible. If he could only remember the kid's name.

“Wait,” he screeched after him in an asphyxiated voice. His wound was not content with the harsh treatment and pulsated tortuously. His left hand clutched to it, hoping it would stifle the pain while his right hand reached out for the boy.

“Please,” goddammit, what was his name? “Y... Ya- Yasushi? Yasushi Inoue, right? Please, I'm Osamu Dazai, I'm here to help.”

The kid turned around, eyes glossy with unshed tears and he looked horrified at the bloodied man in front of him, still ready to jolt if Dazai gave him any reason to.

“I'm not going to hurt you, and you're not in any trouble,” Dazai deliberated calmly, but couldn't get rid of the tension in his voice. Demonstratively, Dazai held his hands out, showing that he did not have any weapons. The knife was left behind the rock, so he couldn't have reached it if he tried.

“H-how do you know my name?” Yasushi asked in a shaky voice, fighting back the sobs that desperately wanted to escape from his chest.

“I'm from the Armed Detective Agency-” Dazai began but realized quickly how those words could sound triggering to a boy he was trying to convince that he was in fact not armed. The blonde child was already getting ready to split as Dazai quickly tried to clarify. “-b-but not actually armed. We have abilities, you know, just like you,” Dazai explained desperately, catching Yasushi's attention again. Dazai swallowed down a cry of hurt before he was able to proceed.

“We've been hired by your family. They're really worried about you, and not angry. They just want you to come home safely.”

Green eyes looked away, still unsure if he should split, or if he should trust this stranger, lying as a bloodied lump on the ground.

Dazai determined that the child was very smart to not trust him. He didn't look like the most reliable character at the moment.

“Also, I think you should stick with me. There's someone out there. I don't know who they are or what they want, but...” he eyed his leg and chuckled humourlessly, “...but I think we should stay together. I will help you to get back to your family, and, to be honest, I could probably need some help from you too.”

A stout hand quickly brushed over the young boy's eyes, falling back to his side while he approached carefully, like a frightened animal. “W-what happened to you?”

Dazai wracked his brain for the right answer. He had never been good with kids, but he knew that he needed to keep some things from them. It would be unwise to blurt out that he had been shot by someone hunting for the kid when he needed him to be calm and level headed.

Still, there was no denying that he had a gunshot wound to his leg, and he still needed to dig the bullet out before they could move anywhere. This “throwing himself around” business had been hazardous enough, and he only hoped that it had not made anything worse.

“If I tell you, will you promise me that you'll continue to be brave for me and not run off?” Dazai finally returned, peering intently at the boy who had slowly moved closer towards him now.

With a small frown, Yasushi subsequently nodded. Dazai mirrored his motion, taking a deep puff before he began to explain what was going on, keeping a close eye to the kid's reaction.

He didn't respond like Dazai had anticipated. Instead of looking alarmed or distressed, he simply looked guilty. His lower lip started to wobble somewhat, and he bit it tightly to prevent it from showing.

“It's going to be okay, Yasushi-kun,” Dazai cooed. “We're going to to find my coworkers, and then, we'll get you home.”

Yasushi lowered his head in shame and sniffled softly. “I burned it down,” he muttered quietly.

Dazai could've kicked himself. He needed to be more careful about how he chose his words.

“Well actually, they were able to save most of it. Only the kitchen was destroyed from what I read in the report. But you're right, you won't return there tonight. We are going to reunite you with your parents though, and then you're probably going to spend a couple of nights in a nice hotel, or with extended family perhaps.”

The child swallowed audibly and finally looked up. “Okay,” he said hoarsely and bobbed his head. “Okay, I'll trust you.”

“Great,” Dazai beamed. “That's really great. But now, if you would be so kind, I need you to grab my switchblade from over there so I can dig this bullet out of my leg.” xxxxxx

This kid was seemingly a bottomless pit of vomit. He hadn't even been able to assist Dazai in rotating the stick to help to tighten the tourniquet before he was out for the count.

That was certainly a little annoying.

Dazai turned to look for another small stick, luckily finding one close enough to reach without moving and placed it in his mouth and bit down on it hard.

There was no reason to put it off, any hesitation would only make it worse. He grabbed the twig sticking out from the knot in the cloth and turned it quickly, several times until the pain shot up his leg like a lightning bolt and he could feel his teeth quirk from the harsh bite on the branch in his mouth.

He let it go, letting go of the stick between his teeth and allowed his hands to fall to his sides while he strangled a growl and tried to breathe through the nauseating pain. A couple of choked coughs wracked their way through his body and he had to fight to stay conscious.

Good, that meant it was good enough.

As long as he could stay conscious, it would be as good as it was going to get, especially since he was going to prod this bullet out all on his own. Glancing over at the kid, who had finally stopped dry-heaving, that seemed to be the most likely scenario.

“Hey kid, you okay?” Dazai asked weakly, still wheezing heavily. Beads of sweat were trailing down his face, burning lightly at the small cuts that scattered his face from that tumble down the hill earlier in the day. “Y-yeah, sorry.” Yasushi sounded even worse than him, wiping his mouth and getting up from his stance at all fours into a seated position, while being careful not to catch a glance at the gore that was going on behind him.

“Good... This got a bit much for you, huh?”

The young boy only hummed his response, while nodding his head vigorously. Dazai imagined that what he really wanted to do was to shout something along the lines of “fuck yes.”

“Well, uh, just so you know, I'm going to remove the bullet now... If you could talk to me while I do it, it would be of tremendous help,” Dazai admitted.

He wasn't looking forward to this one bit, but it had to be done. It was getting dark, and he was starting to catch a chill from his wet clothes. Yasushi was not dressed for a night in the woods either, only wearing a t-shirt and shorts.

Also, where the hell was the rest of the agency? He hadn't drifted down that far.

“O-okay, I can do that,” the boy agreed and pushed himself a little closer, still looking pointedly in a different direction.

“Thanks,” Dazai replied, shifting his attention back to the wound. The knife was in his hand, and he started to cut open his pant leg. The bleeding had slowed, which had been the point of the tourniquet after all.

The hole in his thigh was almost black from old blood, while still spilling out fresh, brighter liquid. Dazai only wished he had gotten this done when the light was better, but now he needed to get a move on before it got even dimmer.

“I'm starting now,” he announced and pinched around the wound to squeeze out the access blood that was just remaining inside the deep wound. He winched, but kept his hands steady and wiped it away.

“So,” Dazai began, in a tight, tortured voice. “How about you tell me a little bit about your ability?”

“I- I don't want to,” Yasushi denied. He sounded scared, which Dazai determined that he probably had every right to be. It was new, and yes, really scary.

“But, if you don't mind me asking,” the kid continued, falteringly.

“No, not at all, please continue,” Dazai pressed in agony, just as he let go of the pressure.

“When did you discover yours?”

Dazai closed his eyes and mentally prepared himself to put his finger inside the wound to feel around for where the bullet was stuck.

“I can honestly not remember,” he said, slowly inserting his index finger. It was deep, and the bullet had probably hit the bone. A whispered few curses left his mouth as he carefully forced his way through muscle and tendons, breathing through the pain.

“Oh,” Yasushi uttered in disappointment.

“But, I was presumably born with it. It's just always been in use, for as long as I've been conscious enough to know what was going on around me,” Dazai resumed explaining, as he touched the tip of the bullet with his finger and bit his teeth together while he was retracting his hand. Without taking the time to gather himself, he placed the tip of the knife to the wound and made a small, careful insition.

“Can I ask what your power is?” Yasushi asked shyly, knitting the edge of his t-shirt together as a defense mechanism.

“Yyyyes,” Dazai wailed out in obvious pain, while he made the first step towards digging around in his thigh with the serrated knife. “I can nullify all abilities,” he continued in a strangulated voice.

“Are you okay?” Yasushi asked fearfully, half-turning his head to check on him.

“D-don't look right now! Trust me,” Dazai panted, implanting the knife further into his leg while twisting the point, searching for the bullet. “J-just keep talking.”

“Of course, sure. Sorry. Uh.” He desperately sought for anything to talk about, catching the aggravated grunts and moans coming from the older man seated behind him.

Oh God, the only thing Dazai had asked of him was to continue talking to him. Why wasn’t he even able to do that?

“My ability shoots bullets,” he suddenly called out, hastily covering his mouth as if it would somehow take back his dark secret.

“W-what?” Dazai uttered, stopping his prodding for just a second.

“I'm sorry,” the boy begged, finally turning around. His hazel eyes were filled with tears now, and they were steadily gushing down his face. “I'm so, so sorry. I... it was me. I think... I heard you in the woods and I got scared. I sent the bullets at you.”

Dazai looked at him quizzically, one hand holding the knife while the other clamped down around the bullet wound.

“Huh,” he deadpanned and cocked his head. “That was certainly unexpected.”

The boy had scooted all the way over now and was sobbing freely, masking his face with his hands and cradled himself back and forth.

Dazai wasn't sure what to do.

“Listen, Yasushi-kun, I need you to pull yourself together, just for a little bit. There's currently a knife, inches away from my femoral artery and it hurts and I kinda need to focus on that right now.” The child snorted a couple of times, nodding vigorously, rubbing his eyes raw.

“I can do that,” he stammered weakly, slowly peering up into Dazai's dim eyes.

“Thank you,” the ex-mafioso sighed and prepared to proceed.

Yasushi scooted over to sit beside Dazai, a little to the side as not to accidentally look at what the older man was doing. Again, he had needed to think a little about something to say. His expression changed as he suddenly realized what Dazai had told him moments before.

“Dazai-san? You said you could cancel abilities, right?”

“Mhm,” Dazai squawked. All Yasushi could see of what he was doing, was small movements in the slender man’s shoulders, but his voice was pained and intense.

“Then why were you not able to cancel mine?”

“I have to,” Dazai began but needed to quit talking to prevent himself from shrieking out as he reached the bone in his leg, and had to tilt the knife to catch the bullet.

“Ngh, I... I have to be in direct contact with... oh, fuck, with the individual,” he wheezed painfully.

It was so close now.

“I would have to touch you to stop it,” he eventually managed.

“But, if... if I was unable to control my ability, if I was scared, w-would you be able to stop it if you tried?”

“Most likely,” Dazai stated as he finally saw the bullet surfacing from the gaping gash in his limb.

With one last, possibly too rigid jerk, the bullet moved down his thigh and hit the ground. Utterly spent, Dazai dropped and skidded down against the rock with half-lidded eyes. The sweat ran uncontrollably down his face and his breathing was rough and raspy.

“I'm done,” he said quietly, and Yasushi shifted around.

“Are you okay?” he asked worriedly, frowning frightenedly at the pale heap next to him.

“I don't know, but I don't have a bullet in my leg anymore,” Dazai murmured, bearly lucid.

“It's my fault that you're hurt,” the child mused with tribulation.

“Stop that, it's not... you said it yourself, you can't control it.”

“No, but you wouldn't be here if I hadn't run off, and you surely wouldn’t have been shot. I destroy everything.”

Dazai only wobbled his head. It was getting hard to stay awake.

“I have a friend...” Dazai started but quickly trailed off. The boy's green eyes were focusing expectedly at him, and he suddenly remembered what he was saying.

“I have a friend, that you remind me of. He couldn't control his... potentially dangerous ability either when I first met him. I think you two should talk.”

Yasushi perked up, smiling for the first time since Dazai had met him. He was a cute kid when he wasn't bawling his eyes out.

“Atsushi,” Dazai informed silently, smiling himself at the thought of how far the young prodigy had come since he first met the starved kid.

“What?”

“Atsushi,” Dazai repeated, glancing back at the perplexed child.

“What is it?”

Dazai rolled his eyes tiredly. He could not start with this.

“Never mind.”

They sat together in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes. Dazai was freezing, and he could hear the kid's teeth begin to clatter too. If something didn’t happen soon, he wasn't sure if he would be able to make it.

That's when it finally dawned upon him.

“God...dammit,” he uttered, catching a glimpse of Yasushi as he blushed deeply from the bad word.

“Yasushi-kun, if those bullets came from you... there isn't anything out there to be afraid of. The only people out there are my colleagues, and they are out here to help.”

“What do you mean?”

“You should try to find them.”

“B-but, you can't walk.”

“That's why I'm not coming with you, kid.”

Yasushi waved his head. “No, I'm not leaving you.”

“Yeah, you are. Now, get going before it gets too dark.”

“But, what if I'm not able to control my ability again?”

“Then you should aim at the tall blonde man with glasses.” Dazai gave the boy a pointed stare.

He fidgeted a bit, twirling his thumbs and clearly pondered about something.

“O-okay, fine. I'll get them. And then we're coming to get you, okay?”

Dazai gave him a tired smile, finally able to relax his body a little. He nodded faintly at Yasushi before the younger turned and started to walk away, sending worried glances towards the fatigued figure he was leaving behind.

For some time, Dazai was able to stay awake. He would prod lightly at his wound whenever he felt himself drifting off, giving himself a shot of pain to stay alert.

Could bears smell blood? If so, they had a fiest waiting right there.

More time passed, and he still couldn't hear voices or see the shimmer of flashlights that might be out searching for them. But eventually, as much as he poked at the gash (at some point wondering if he should push the bullet back in and start the process anew, just to stay awake), he finally succumbed to unconsciousness.

---------

For once, waking up again was a relief. He could hear faint sounds of familiar voices closing in from the distance. He honestly thought he had kept himself awake, but when he blinked, he abruptly gazed up at Yosano's apprehensive expression.

They were still out there, so at least he hadn't been out too long this time, but he couldn't see the kid. “You did a good job at slowing the bleeding down,” Yosano smiled reassuringly. Kunikida loomed behind her with a deep furrow on his forehead.

Dazai could feel his gaze getting more and more blurred, and he knew he didn't have much more time to make sure that Yasushi had found them before he would be out again.

“Yasushi,” he urged in a rasped voice, looking quizzically at the peering eyes that were currently assessing his injuries.

“Atsushi's fine, he's back at the base,” Kunikida answered dryly as he assisted Yosano with something.

Not this again.

“N-no, Ya-sushi,” Dazai tried to over-pronounciate, but all he got in response was Yosano's hand on his forehead, checking for a fever.

“Yeah, he's burning up. We need to get him to a hospital right away,” she told Kunikida urgently.

'No, not what I meant!' was what Dazai aspired to say, but he was unable to move his lips anymore. His brain was processing so slowly and sluggishly now that he didn't even realize that was blacking out again.

He could faintly sense himself being moved off the ground before everything went back to all darkness. --------------

The white ceiling looked vaguely familiar, and the white dots flickering in his vision even more. His head was pounding and he felt generally awful all over.

Only when the sickening smell of antiseptics reached his nostrils, he understood that he had just woken in the hospital.

Damnit, he didn't really feel like waking up yet. Not to the miserable existence inside a hospital room. At least it didn't seem like anyone had realized he was awake yet, so he might as well just go back to...

“Ya-sushi,” he exclaimed suddenly, eyes widening in terror and suddenly completely alert. “Where is Yasushi?”

He tried his best to sit up, but for some infuriating reason, his body just wouldn't let him.

A head of unnaturally light hair came into his vision, dual-colored eyes looking worriedly down at him.

“For fuck's sake,” Dazai cried out furiously before a second blonde head appeared beside the tiger-boy.

“Oh thank God,” Dazai sighed as he recognized that glassy, hazel glare, and closed his eyes for a moment.

“Are you okay, Dazai-san?” Atsushi asked with an anxious pout, looking confusedly at the smaller boy next to him.

“As long as everyone calls you Nakajima as long as you two are in the room together, I'll be just fine,” Dazai exasperated, slowly opening his eyes and smiling serenely at the two boys. ------------

So, I'm not going to pretend to be very familiar with Japanese authors, so I had to look for a name that could fit the original character in this story. I did a google search and found a book called The Hunting Gun, which I figured would make a good name for his ability. Then, I realized the whole name thing, and somehow it took over the whole story. Also, sorry if there’s a lot of spelling errors in these stories. English is not my native language, and my spelling-check is being kind of a brat lately.

#whump community #whumptober #whumptober 2019 #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #Dazai Osamu #original character #OC #field medicine #day.12

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dreamkidddream · 3 years

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I really enjoyed your writing on the ADA members with a younger sibling like partner <33 I was wondering if you could write the same scenario but with Chuuya and Fyodor? Except the younger partner in question has a rough past and cheery/joking personality similar to Dazai(?) I'm super excited to see more of your writing!! c:

Hi anon! Thank you for the compliment and for reading (here’s the scenario for those that want to read it)! The only difference is that instead of this reader being pure, they’re going to be like a mini Dazai (or at least similar to him). One change that I did make was that Reader isn’t as suicidal as Dazai (ie. constantly trying to find a way to end their life), but Reader is ready to go whenever and wherever, whether it’s on their terms or not. Reader is gender neutral and hope you enjoy!

Also ayyyeeee my first time writing for Fyodor! Hope I did him justice cause his part took a while lol

TW: Mentions of suicide, dark moments (Reader is a bit sadistic, but nothing graphic is mentioned) small spoilers for Dark Era arc and Season 3

Acting as a Younger Sibling with a Rough Past and Personality Similar to Dazai with: Chuuya and Fyodor

Chuuya

Well he was extremely disturbed to say the least. Okay extremely may be over exaggerating, but the way you acted got underneath his skin bad

You reminded him too much of Dazai, minus the suicide attempts and the animosity towards him. Although that didn’t stop the morbid jokes from happening

“Hey Chu-Chu, what did the librarian say to the guy that wanted to check out a book on how to commit suicide?”

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that!-“

“Go away, you’re not going to bring it back. HA! A knee slapper, am I right?”

He wondered if Dazai got to you first like he did Akutagawa, and if he did, that was just another reason to strangle him

You were his partner, and you were young. So seeing the way you interacted with everyone and everything with such a pessimistic attitude while still being cheery was alarming

Not to mention how easy it is for you to just readily accept death at every turn. You’re the literal embodiment of “guess I’ll die” and it drives Chuuya up the wall every time

He remembers the one time an enemy held you hostage how you were so cheerful to finally be rid of this joke you called a life, and that you told the guy who was holding a gun to your head to “put it between the eyes, it looks 10x better that way.” And “don’t be afraid to blow my brains out either! But you do you, but I think it’s a rather stylistic choice if I do say so myself.”

The man thought you were trying to distract him at first, but when he figured out that you were serious he honestly got so nervous he was ready to just let you go and suggest therapy lmao

After he handled the situation, he took you directly under his wing. Sure, you were already his partner, but he was really going to look out for you including outside of work. If it meant that he had to “babysit” you, then oh well

Plus he didn’t want to face Mori if he just let you die while under his care

You realized what he was trying to do when you two would go off to “collect information” and would be doing the complete opposite. “Hey, I’m kinda hungry, let’s take a break and grab a bite to eat.”

“I thought we had to get this info back to Mori ASAP. Not that I care if he’s mad, he’s been holding out on me and this is the perfect way to take revenge.”

“Holding out how?”

“I told him that since he’s a doctor he would be the perfect teacher to show me some new techniques.”

“...on?”

“Torturing, duh! My methods are getting kinda stale, and I do want to perfect my craft after all. I want to be good at something before I kick the bucket, Chu.”

Poor man is honestly in so much distress because of you please help him

And the way you interacted with the other members was both entertaining and horrifying to watch at times. Majority of the time, you were this happy go lucky kid with a dark sense of humor (you still made people smile, although sometimes it was tense or apprehensive, but whatever a smile is still a smile). But when you were having a bad day or a mission was going wrong, everyone knew to steer clear of you.

A new recruit tried to cheer you up one day, telling you that “it could always be worse”. You then got pulled into the office with a very angry Chuuya and a mildly disappointed Mori.

Chuuya finally had enough after months of this occurred. It was like a never ending cycle: except your behavior was getting increasingly more reckless and dangerous. It was driving him crazy trying to figure out why you were this way and if it was any way to snap you out of it

He wasn’t a stranger to death, he’s seen it with his own two eyes, end even killed people with his bare hands. But the huge difference between you two is that he didn’t particularly enjoy killing, if it had to be done then he had no problems doing so; it comes with the job y’know? But with you, you took actual pleasure in killing. It filled you with a sick sense of glee, and it even made his stomach turn

The bond between you two grew from just a typical work relationship (as far as working in the mafia goes). He knew that from underneath your rather concerning persona, you were just troubled. Someone or something made you this way, and while he had his own troubles growing up, he was able to deal with it and overcome his issues. It just seemed like you just...gave in to yours. And it made him feel pity for you.

You didn’t mind Chuuya at all. You actually liked being his partner! He was pretty much the only person that you didn’t feel a need to harm or kill. And he was fun to be around, when he wasn’t being such a party pooper (I mean what’s the point of being in the mafia when you can’t purposely spill some blood every now and then for fun?). The only thing you didn’t like was how he would try and get you to talk about your past. You honestly didn’t see a point in it, it’s called the past for a reason, why didn’t he understand that?!

But no matter how many times you would shut down or try to change the subject, he would always try again, and again, and again. It was very annoying. And you didn’t like to talk about it. Why didn’t Chuuya understand that?!

Eventually, his pestering worked. One day after a rough mission when he had to patch you up, you opened up to him. You didn’t immediately tell him everything, but you gave him small insights to what happened, to what lead you to be this way

You could tell that he was grateful that he was finally getting somewhere with you. And you yourself was surprised that your dynamic didn’t change. He didn’t look at you with sympathy in his eyes, he didn’t baby you, he wasn’t disgusted by you, everything was normal. The only difference is that Chuuya told you that it was okay to talk to him, and that you shouldn’t be scared to approach him (psh you scared, yeah okay)

Chuuya felt like a weight lifted off his shoulders once you opened up. You were still a bit sadistic (but you did tone it back after the recruit incident, and after you saw how repulsed he looked, so you just did everything behind closed doors now) and had your cheery persona on, but it felt a little bit more real now. It felt genuine. It gave him a good feeling to see some spark in your eyes instead of the full he felt himself getting used to. And he would never say it to you, but it also gave him a warm feeling with him being your role model (you knew but didn’t want to burst his bubble yet)

Your change wasn’t very noticeable at first, but that’s okay. No one needed to know, it was fine with just you and Chuuya. You still felt the desire to just be done with life, but it wasn’t your focus whenever you were with him. You hadn’t made peace with your past yet, but you felt you could one day with him by your side. He was someone that you didn’t knew you needed (or wanted to admit to), but it worked out in the end. You had doubts that you could or would ever change, but if you did, growing to be someone like Chuuya would’nt be the worst possible outcome

Plus, whenever he did run into Dazai with his new sidekick, he is 10000% bragging about how much better and cooler you are, with him being the superior between them both. He can’t WAIT till you guys can whoop their ass

Fyodor

Well weren’t you such an interesting character

To see someone as young as you ready to just leave this world in an abrupt way was intriguing, and he realized that he could use this to his advantage. Maybe even give you something to gain in exchange

He found you hiding inside a disgusting abandoned building (a fitting place for a rat if he would say so himself), drenched in blood. Fyodor didn’t necessarily care why, but he was curious about one thing: why were you smiling? Your eyes were so lifeless, yet here you were smiling so bright, as if you weren’t covered in someone’s blood

Fyodor found himself smiling down at you. Did you think he was prey, that he was going to be your next target? He wanted you to try, he wanted to see what you were really capable of

“Tell me, what is going to be your next move? Do you wish to attack me?”

“If you do something that I don’t like, then yes, that’s the plan. Why are you here Mister? You wanna have some fun too?”, your smile turned into a smirk, twirling your very sharp knife in your hand. “You’re not even from here, so why are you trying to bother such an innocent kid like me?”

He matched your smirk, “You are from innocent, child, even a blind man can see that. To see just how full of sin you are. This wasn’t your first atrocity that you committed nor would it be your last. Which is a shame, it might be too late for me to cleanse you of your filth.”

Oh, he was going to be very amusing to mess with. But you weren’t stupid. Something wasn’t right with this man. No one would walk up to someone with copious amounts of blood on them, holding a weapon that caused said blood, while berating them about being “full of sin”. What was his ability? Did he have people with him? Was the building surrounded or booby trapped? These questions swirled around your head, all while he just kept smirking at you. He was pissing you off, who the hell did he think he was?

But you kept your anger at bay, plastering a cheerful smile on your face. “Sin? Cleanse me of my filth? I guess I do kinda stink but who exactly do you think you are, some type of God?”

“That’s exactly what I am. I’m here to free this world from this wretched curse that has been brought upon.”

...huh? Did-did he escape from the asylum or something? Did he seriously believe himself to be a God (not even a prophet but an actual God)? Seeing your confusion, he continued on, “The curse of ability users. They plague this Earth, and they need to be eliminated.”

“Why is that? What’s wrong with having abilities? Hellooooo, some people’s abilities are actually pretty cool! If you just have a terrible ability, it’s your problem, not the world-“

“Why not let me show you why it’s indeed a curse?”

“And how would you do that? You must be crazy if you think I’m going anywhere with you. I may be dangerous but I’m not dumb!”

“You poor, misguided soul.”, he tutted at you. “Look at where you have ended up at. These people with these so called “cool abilities” have failed you, have they not? Yet you still idolize them, not believing that they are the reason for your misfortunes. If they were truly your idols, they wouldn’t have left you to fend for yourself, to live among the rats. They left you to rot, do you not see that?”

He was hitting too close to home, he was getting too personal, too close. He didn’t know you at all, you’re a complete stranger to him, but why did his words hold some truth to them?

“Come with me, and I will prove to you first hand why this has to be done.”, he was now physically close to you, staring you deep into your eyes. “It would be such a waste for you to die without knowing the truth, wouldn’t you agree?”

You didn’t have much, he wasn’t wrong. But if he could take you somewhere with real food and not scraps you had to fight to find, and to have real shelter, then fine. You agreed. And if you felt that something was up, you’ll just kill him, run away, or both

After he took you away, he kept to his word. It seemed like he was really was telling the truth, you getting first-hand experience like he promised. It was scary that he was right, but you were also indebted to him. He not only allowed you to live in luxury (at least it was luxury to you considering what you had before), but he opened your eyes to what the true problem is. He gave your life a new purpose. If you two were able to successfully complete his goal, then your problems would be gone forever right? You would finally be able to feel a sense of peace, and you can’t wait till that could happen

You and Fyodor, after he opened your eyes, bonded easier than in the beginning. You were smart enough to not fully trust him after leaving with him, but after just a couple of pulled strings to cause certain things to happen, you slowly melted and molded into the way that he planned. You would be an excellent pawn in his grand plan, and you would do well in keeping him entertained at the same time

You were a joyful child, even when carrying out his dirty work, you did so gleefully. After joining the Rats in the House of the Dead, you tried to spread that joy among the other members. They didn’t find it very amusing, but you didn’t care and neither did Fyodor. You were far too important to let go of now

You were always by him, it seemed. Always in the same space, whether he was planning his next move, and playing the cello, you were always there with this look of awe directed at him. Every time he would catch you staring, he would simply chuckle and softly reprimand you about, “how rude it is to stare, but you simply can’t help it.”

He even taught you how to play the cello!

You sounded terrible but practice makes perfect

As time went on and the end goal seeming to be closing in, he came to see you as more than just an expendable tool. He found out about your past, but simply proved to you once again why you two had to make sure the curse was ridden as soon as possible. No one wanted a repeat of what happened to you to happen to anyone else, so the mission had to be success. Failure was not an option

Fyodor didn’t see himself as a cruel man towards you. He just didn’t mince his words and he made sure that you were dealing with the truth, and not some lie that was attempted to be twisted as reality. If anything, that was the way that he showed that he held some compassion for you, he wasn’t willing to let you be lead astray from the truth again, not while he was here. You had somehow wiggled your way into his mind, where he had been accepting of your close bond, and he took that into consideration

Once his goal is achieved and he has truly made his place known as a God, he’ll make sure that you gain your rightful place among him as well. You were worthy in Fyodor’s eyes, and as long as nothing came in between your bond and the end goal, then everything will work out. He will make sure of that.

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