#so he doesn’t have the emotional crutch of distracting himself

[deadsetobsessions]

AU of my Gotham/Tim Drake! Danny where Danny doesn’t know any knowledge beforehand about the DC universe.

Danny doesn’t know how he got here, but the fact that he now shares something in common with Vlad other than their technical halfa status disgusts him

His new name is Timothy Jackson Drake. It’s so far removed from Danny that his parents had him examined for deafness because he didn’t respond to it. He got better at it, at putting on the mask Janet and Jack Drake wanted to see. So they took him to the circus.

He meets Dick Grayson. Danny thinks the kid is adorable, even if Danny himself is technically younger. He sees the flying Graysons fall. The buzzing in his head doesn’t go away.

He’s five, when the fading spirit of Gotham reaches out and pleads her King to protect her city in her stead. She is fading. He says yes, because she’s one of his. The buzzing in his head settles and oh because that’s what’s been missing this entire time. Danny didn’t have a haunt and Gotham gave him one.

He grieves when she dies, the new title settling around small shoulders, and the city grieves with him. In the city proper, Batman and Robin are having the worst night of their lives in the sudden storm.

He’s nine. Robin is Dick Grayson. Dick Grayson, in turn, is an idiot. Batman… well, he’s at least mentoring and protecting the child vigilante, which is more than Danny ever had. He grows fond of them. How could he not, when they tried their hardest to help his city? To help him?

He shows himself, to the duo, in his Phantom form. It’s still him, still modeled after Danny Fenton’s face instead of Tim Drake’s. Ghosts are a reflection of the soul, after all.

“Who are you,” Batman demands, shielding Robin with half a step.

“Gotham.” He replies. Danny wills the city to affirm his claim and the city wraps its arms around the vigilantes. Batman and Robin understands, a deep well of pure knowledge being tapped into in ways they weren’t truly meant to understand.

“…How?”

“Magic,” Phantom says, dry. He tells them of city spirits, and that they can call him in times of dire need.

Dick calls him to help with Two Face. Two Face learns the pain of unmelting ice to the balls.

His core aches when the Bats fight, but Danny knows now that it is inevitable. They’re part of his haunt, his ‘fraid. He knows these things far before they come into fruition.

Dick moves to a sister city. Phantom expands his haunt to Bludhaven because he doesn’t, won’t, ever leave his Robins to themselves.

Nightwing is hopeful, is pleasantly surprised, and very suspicious when he shows up during patrol.

“Gotham…? What are you doing here…? This isn’t, well, Gotham?”

“Satellite City. It is an extension of myself. You were Robin, yes. You’re Nightwing, now. But that doesn’t mean I won’t protect you when I can.”

Phantom goes back, and finds a kid trying to steal tires to make a living. He guides his Knight to him. The starved features, the bones Danny could see, it tugs at his core. It feels like the Ancient of Fate themselves were pulling him along.

“How’d you know I was taking the wheels?”

“Gotham.”

“Are you… high on shrooms or something?”

Bruce sighs. Batman asks Gotham to meet the new Robin, and chuckles when Jason is surprised by the glowing green figure.

Phantom hides this Robin just as much as the last one. He curls shadows around his vigilantes, sometimes at the same time, and softens what little sounds they made while stalking through his city for crime.

He makes small jokes with Jason. Danny forgets, a little, the crushing loneliness of being Timothy Drake.

“I didn’t kill Garzona!”

“You-”

Batman stops as a chill he’s never had experienced directed at him weaves around his neck. An angry Gotham.

“He didn’t kill him.” Danny slides a cold hand on Jason’s shoulders.

But the damage had been done and the next day, Batman is begging Danny to tell him any clues of where Jason had gone.

“Ethiopia.”

He clears the way for Batman to get to Robin. He clears the way for Bruce to get to Jason.

He’d fallen into the trap of believing that Batman would handle everything when in the end, he’s just a man in a mantle that demands more than he ever thought he’d have to pay.

Robin is dead and Danny grieves. The skies crack open and pours a torrent of smogged rain water upon the streets of Gotham. Despite that, Crime Alley is untouched by flood. They say the second Robin was protecting his home.

In a way, it’s not wrong.

Gotham fishes Batman from the bay, carelessly tossing the broken Joker against a shipping container.

“You can’t keep doing this. You’ll die.”

Bruce, Batman, lays on his back, eyes glazed and empty. “Maybe I want to.” He admits. And Danny can’t lose someone else. It’s already bad enough he feels the death of everyone in his city, he can’t lose him too. But Dick won’t come back. He already denied Gotham when Phantom had asked him to come back. Granted, Dick was nervous about denying him the entire time, but Danny realized that he’d lost a brother in the colors his parents chose for Dick. Danny- Phantom had cradled Dick in a swaddle of shadows and comfort.

“Alright.”

“Is it? Alright? I- I don’t want to fail you, Gotham.”

“It is. You’ve always made me proud. You will always make me proud. Whether it be by different name, it matters to me not. Stay. Heal.”

Like Dick was given permission, like he received a hint of peace, Dick Grayson crumpled to the floor and sobbed into Gotham’s shoulder.

(Later, long after Dick Grayson realized his little brother was also his city personified, he cries again into Tim’s shoulders after the later dropped a flower pot perfectly on top of Catalina Flores’ head.)

Gotham, Phantom, Danny makes a choice.

“Tomorrow, a child will show up at your door. You will let him in.”

“No- I can’t. I won’t.” He knows what Danny will ask of him.

“You will.” Danny doesn’t ever do it with his people, with his city, but dire times call for dire actions. It is an order. And Batman is Gotham’s knight. “You will. You will train him. You need a Robin to leash your brutality. I need a Robin, for Robin is my hope. The city’s hope. Our people’s hope. Do not forget the goal you have set out to accomplish in my city.”

Batman rages at him, until he falls unconscious from the wounds he’s gathered. Danny brings him home. He tells Alfred what to expect tomorrow. Bruce wakes up, eyes fixated on the crack that appeared on Danny’s neon green face. “Did. Did I do that?”

Danny nods slowly.

Batman crumples into Bruce Wayne. “Okay.” He says. “Alright. Tomorrow.”

Gotham watches him, unreadable. “Tomorrow.” He says, before fading away.

Tim Drake shows up at the door. Nightwing shows up not long after. Tim Drake adapts to Bruce Wayne’s cold looks and brutal training. Slowly, but surely, he leashes in Batman’s grief fueled brutality and less criminals go to prison with half of their lives beaten out of them.

Batman doesn’t see Gotham as much anymore. He feared that he’s angered his city, that he is no longer welcome.

When Tim figures it out… he allows the roads and the shadows to help Batman once more.

Batman stared intently at the extra coverage. “Thank you,” Tim hears him whisper. “I’m sorry.”

And when Jason Todd comes back to life and attacks Tim in the tower, Tim lets Hood beat him. Gotham had failed him, as Jason’s city. He deserves it. (He doesn’t but Danny had gone past the point of being healthy about his own physical wellbeing. Perhaps being a city spirit this long had affected him, even with the King’s title mitigating the worst of the damages.

“HE REPLACED ME!”

“Because I ordered him to.” Tim whispers, past the pain of a broken leg.

“You? Order Batman around? If you’re going to lie, make it a better one, Replacement.”

Tim catches Jason’s wrist, the one holding the knife to Tim’s throat.

“Robin,” he says simply, allowing Gotham to come out and peer at the child that is his.

Jason stares, disbelieving. Gotham had… Gotham had come by and approved of his plans to clean up Crime Alley. Gotham had extracted a promise not to damage the buildings.

“No.”

His city stares back and him and Jason stumbles away. Tim shifts into Danny, into Gotham.

“You…”

“I am Gotham. I- I did not want to wear these colors. They were yours and Dick’s. But Bruce was hurting the city, he was hurting me. So I made sure he stopped.”

Jason stares at the new cracks, the fresh ones he just caused and the old ones he does not remember being on Danny’s ghostly skin.

Jason swallows. “I’m sorry.”

“As am I. I am sorry I was not there to save you. I am sorry that you died.”

Jason stares at him. The Replacement is Gotham. Jason almost destroyed his city.

“I am glad that you’ve returned. That you’re alive, now.”

“…Really?”

“Always.”

Alternative Version of the above Tower Scene:

Jason slides the knife against the Replacement’s neck.

Danny sighs. “I can’t believe I’m dying again.”

Jason pauses. “What the fuck did you just say, Replacement?”

Danny rolls his eyes at him and Jason rethinks his decision of not offing the little fucker right away.

“You think you’re the first one to die in this household? Get a grip. I did it first, way before you did, jackass.”

Tim is 14. He’s a child. What the fuck is Jason doing?

“When…?”

“How do you think I became Gotham, little bird?”

Jason freezes. And then he’s scrambling backwards, the knife flung away in his horror.

Tim shifts into Gotham and Jason bites back a cut of regret and bitterness.

He… no, what? What even is happening?

“Why is the Joker not dead? You… you told me that you loved me. That Gotham… that-”

“I’m cruel, little bird. The Joker would not suffer as much if he were dead.”

“He’s killing people! He’s killing your own!”

“So everyone thinks.”

“What?”

“I am Gotham, little bird. Mass hallucinogenic gasses are so within my reach to the point it is concerning. Perhaps you should help Ivy with the city clean up?”

“Huh?!”

#genius tim drake #gotham bay is a corpse dumping ground #danny phantom #dc x dp #batman #bruce wayne #tim drake #jason todd #red hood #dick grayson #bamf danny phantom #nightwing #bludhaven #gotham #gotham is Danny’s haunt #protective Danny #Danny Fenton #Danny doesn’t have the familiarity of knowing the universe he’s been reborn into #so he doesn’t have the emotional crutch of distracting himself #Danny is both protecc and attack #Danny grieves gotham and Jason #Danny: fuck I’ll fix you myself #Batman is Gotham’s plumber lol

[unfortunate17]

Why do you think s3 created even more Simon haters at least with causal watchers. Didn’t his storyline or arc work. I feel like Agustin gets more sympathy than Simon I don’t get it

I’ll never stop criticizing S2, but I genuinely think some of the S3 hate for Simon is a leftover from S2. People did NOT like Simon telling Wille that he was just like his mother (which he is) and that he hadn’t suffered (which he had). They also did NOT like that he had a rebound for that long (literally Marcus was in E6, which was totally unnecessary) while Wille was so sad and desperate to have him back.

In their eyes, Wille did everything he did for Simon - he came out, he said he was in the video, and now, as a result, they feel like Simon owes him something.

So in S3, when Simon does things that Wilhelm doesn’t like - posting on social media, refusing to bend to the royal court’s protocol to make Wille’s life easier, rightfully calling Wille out when he’s being insensitive - those people get upset. The reaction is like “social media has never been important to Simon” or “I would think Simon loves Wille enough to put down his phone” and just generally questioning his boundaries for existing which is ridiculous. Then to top it all off, Simon’s the one who walks away in E5 after Wille has probably the worst birthday of his life.

The attitude is: Simon should be there for him!! Wille has all of these problems because he chooses Simon!! Simon doesn’t love him!! Which again, is delusional - at this point Wille is using Simon as an emotional crutch, a happy distraction from the real problems in his life that are causing his mental health to deteriorate and Simon refuses to enable it any longer.

I feel like some people don’t understand that while Wille is the main character, Simon is the heart and soul of the story, he’s the driving force behind most of Wille’s actions by doing nothing other than being himself. He’s hated for asserting his boundaries and morals, especially when Wille lacks these qualities in himself (why he doesn’t have them is a whole other story) - but that’s not supposed to tell us that Simon is callous or that Wille loves him more than Simon loves him - but that these are qualities that Wille should possess. And we finally see him succeed at the end!!

tldr: people want Simon to be a doormat for Wille’s desires and get mad when he isn’t 🤷‍♀️

#ask #I got heated I’m so sorry anon #young royals

[totallyexhausted]

Just thought about the fact that...

You could argue that Katzuki is imprinting a delusional ideation on Miri and his family due to the fact that he was abandoned as a child, and his own wife/ child (keep in mind, we know he has/had a child but we don’t know at what age the child was separated from him as Katzuki seems to have prior knowledge of caring for children- this could have come from his upbringing if he acted as the leader/ older brother to younger children, or perhaps his child was Miri’s age or older when they were taken, either by Katzuki’s will, job, or death) were either killed or “lost/ mentally shifted” in his line of duty. His backstory with his wife/ child were probably the traumatic even that lead him into his line of work. It could have been a hit on him that caused his wife/ child to be in the crossfire, the hit could have been followed out by someone close to him now. However, his imprinting of acting father to Miri, his comments of “their genes/ other mothers” could be interpreted as either a coping mechanism or a delusional break leading to a bigger shift in his mentality. He could be stepping in the role of his ex-wife, Miri acting as his lost child, in order for him to cope with his past; or using them as a crutch, or physically believe/ see himself as Miri’s biological father. Either way, it would mean a HUGE psychological break for him later... The fact that he is all sunshine and gumdrops (and needs to be protected at all costs, in my opinion) could mean that he HAS to keep busy, he has to work in order to keep memories at bay. However, he could be convincing himself of things that aren’t true (i.e. him and Rei are married; Miri is biologically theirs; etc.) which would be an interesting concept as yes, it would mean a shift in his mentality later as realization hits, but also it would be all down to how Rei responds and views their situation. In EP6, it sounds as though Katzuki is Bi, although we haven’t had much proof yet; but we know nothing of Rei’s sexuality or past or feelings. So, if Katzuki were to “break” which given he’s a sunshine character, I believe he will before the end of the season and Rei will finally understand how Katzuki feels and his thoughts and all the shit he keeps bottled up inside will come pouring out, I wonder where that will leave him and Rei. 

As Kyo (can’t remember his full name) pointed out in previous episodes, he’s glad Katzuki was distracted; and he seems to be sending money to either is ex, his child/ orphanage, or possibly, his ex’ family. But by Katzuki being distracted, this would suggest he is prone, just as we view Rei every day, to a depressing demeanor. I’m sure he’s contemplated suicide after the death of his family- usually sunshine character’s hide their deepest darkest thoughts; so, I wonder on the term that brought Rei and Katzuki together and whether Rei has seen Katzuki- the true Katzuki, not the sparkle and sunshine version of himself trying to convince everyone he’s happy. I feel like if Rei were to see the real Katzuki, the non-distracted, veil is lifted type of feeling/ thoughts/ action- well, there’d be al ot of emotions between the two. Especially given that we know Rei had a horrible upbringing just as Katzuki (ironically, this doesn’t mean that Rei has bad feelings towards his father/ Boss); so, all-in-all, I’m interested in seeing the breaking point of Katzuki, seeing Rei’s thoughts/ feelings towards his father/ past/ current situation, and how, if at all, their relationship will shift/ change over time. Idk though, just my thoughts. 

#buddy daddies #rei #katzuki #Miri #mentally unstable #rant #predictions

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

Big kudos for this chapter and not throwing us head first into angst (ngl I totally read timeline 2 first cause well….i’m impatient 😭). The fluff in this one was so so sweet and cute and adorable. Some things I loved about this chapter:

Magnus and distractions

It was interesting when Magnus noticed he couldn’t take the stress of always being busy anymore. That at one time it was his fuel to keep going and eventually it became his frustration and fatigue. It almost felt to me like him keeping busy was a coping mechanism to avoid his inner turmoil, rather focusing all his attention on his work and doing what makes him happy (?). I think this even extended into post breakup where he turned to alcohol and avoidance as a crutch for his personal issues. I think something that caused a shift in timeline 1 was that Magnus started to find a sense of peace and stability with Alec. He didn’t need to run from himself and his problems anymore because he had a trusting anchor to keep him steady. He had someone there to look after him, to remind him of his strength, to help him feel comfortable, to feel safe, supported and seen, to show him he is worthy of love. He didn’t need to distract himself anymore because not confronting his fears was pushing him away from the man he loves. Of course this is something he is still working on but like we saw at the end of timeline 2, he is making better decisions even when he feels tempted to relapse and run away.

Healing takes time.

I loved that you showed a transition within the chapters of Malec coming back to each other slowly after the hospital incident. It really made me remember that healing is something that is continuous, that is non linear, that follows no method, that is constantly unfolding within us. Malec going to therapy, Magnus learning about how to support Alec, Alec giving Magnus the space to come back to him. It was all this conscious journey of reestablishing trust within each other. If they rushed into it, for sure they would face deeper issues in the future. I think it shows just how deep their love is, that they will wait for each other to come back to their themselves, to their relationship to their love, when they are ready.

This line really stuck with me: "I guess I've always been scared of needing people." Magnus going to Alec’s bed to bring him home back to him was so powerful because it showed how safe he feels with Alec. How much he knows that Alec will do anything and everything to keep him from harm (even if he hurts him in the process). I’m glad Magnus is at a point where he feels comfortable relying on other people for his stability, knowing that he deserves to be cared for, that he can be vulnerable, that he isn’t alone in his struggles anymore (especially in timeline 2).

Angry Alec

I mean….seriously. This man needs support with emotional regulation. It makes sense he would struggle with this though because of his work and how much they are taught to block out their feelings to get the job done. I think he was just so overwhelmed by guilt and angry that he was ‘played’ by Magnus. That he let his guard down, surrendered to his love, forgot about all the pain and then was snapped back to reality so quickly. I will not excuse however the way he spoke to Magnus and threw out hurtful fighting words to try and bring Magnus down. Just because you are hurting doesn’t mean you can hurt people too. Baby boy you got some serious grovelling to do. I see now why he is going to do something stupid and self sacrificial in regards to Imasu. Usually he would talk to his siblings about his issues but I think now the guilt will stop him from doing that. His outlet? Do dumb shit.

"You're a prime example of how people can be pretty and smart and a dumbass at the same time."

I laughed so hard at this because Alec was 10/10 calling himself out!! Just goes to show we all have our challenges. Nobody it perfect and it’s kinda fucking amazing because how else will we learn?

That transition from past to present

That was fucking rude! You just gonna torture us with Alec military angst and then lead into Malec relationship angst. Let a hoe breathe 😰. Anyway my first thought with the end of timeline 1 is Alec is seriously injured orrrr Alec’s unit has gone missing and they can’t reach them? I was kinda hoping we might get a scene of Alec randomly showing up after deployment and surprising everyone? Whatever it is I am curious! (I’ve been watching wayyyyy too many military reunion videos)

Notable mentions

- Malec listing over our favs Tarlos

- Arrow trying to soothe Malec even though he was mad he didn’t get to cuddle with Chairman anymore

- Ragnor, Imasu and Jem being there to support Magnus

- Alec being so passionate about being an Officer because he wants to help people like him feel safe too

- Drunk Alec cheating on his boyfriend with his boyfriend

- Raphael almost needing a triple bypass because of Alec’s crush

I know you’ve got a lot going on so take care! Hope everything goes well for you 🥰

hello. hi.

oof- I always have to take a five minute break after reading your analysis because sometimes I write smth but after reading people’s thought I go- “oh I never thought of that this way”. It’s pretty amazing actually so thank you for doing that.

I did want to show the whole healing process slowly and not act like everything was perfect just because they made up in ch7. I thought it was important. And yes, while Magnus does love his job dearly—a part of it is a defence mechanism since his job allows him to be around people without actually knowing them/letting them know me.

Also, since it’s not really a spoiler—Alec’s unit is missing.

P.S. there is going to be a surprise visit from Alec during one of his future deployments. It’s in the last chapter and is my absolute favourite scene. You’re going to love it.

Thank you again. You also take care love. 🌻🌸

#LRHWY

[theminecraftbox]

Hot take: Dream losing a leg is an infinitely better post prison design aspect than him losing anything else.

Why? Because it holds more symbolism and emotional weight to it.

Consider this:

- Losing a leg severely limits mobility, symbolizing Dream's situation and an inability to escape. Hope is dashed across the rocks

- Dream is a speed runner by nature and parkour god by trade. His speed and agility greatly rely on his legs. He has been defanged essentially

- Quackity took the money maker. Consider Manhunts are canon and MCC is also canon... Dream would have to sit out, meaning less time outside the prison. Longer time spent recovering

- It symbolizes the old Dream. He will never be the same. He will never run the same again. Nothing will be the same. It's a grim reminder that the good ol' days are dead. The old Dream is dead. His goals are merely pipe dreams and have been for a while now

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk

/dsmp /rp

Yes! I do really think that if Quackity went for something permanently disabling, it would be something like this, something that completely ruins both Dream’s competence in battle and his sense of self. Bringing Dream to his knees both literally and figuratively.

How would Dream deal with this?

It makes escape a lot harder. Techno brings him crutches, and he’s thankfully had months to recover from the injury itself (albeit under dreadful conditions), but Dream is slow and in pain and totally useless in the subsequent fight. When Techno gets distracted by Ranboo’s execution, it’s Dream’s increasingly desperate screaming for help that gets him to snap out of it.

Techno offers him a place to stay, because of what the obvious physical impairment means for Dream’s immediate safety (syndicate Dream my beloved). But Dream turns him down. He doesn’t want or need pity, he’s got his own plans. He’s got to get to Punz. Techno gives him the horse, though.

Also please consider all the leg jokes that Techno made in prison to cheer Dream up. “Hey Dream! You should open a brewery. You know. Because you’re good at hops.” “Dream, Dream, Dream—ever consider changing your name? Because I have a great suggestion. Eileen.”

Dream’s had awhile to cope with the new facts of the situation. He thought he’s forced himself to accept his new limitations. But it’s one thing to sit in prison thinking he’ll never run again, and it’s another to try to accept that with fresh air on his face and a whole server of people after him.

Punz is shocked and horrified. In this situation, there’s no hiding the torture from him: Dream has to confess. Punz immediately helps with getting him a prosthetic.

Sapnap also can’t deny the torture when Dream’s leg is fucking gone. So instead of questioning its severity, or that it happened at all, Sapnap decides to focus his energy on denying Quackity’s involvement. Dream came on horseback for the Nightmare armor, expecting no one to be around, and he knows it’s going to be fucking hard to outrun Sapnap like this. Instead of threatening and goading Sapnap, he tries to shock and distract him long enough to get back to his horse. This works. Sapnap doesn’t pursue right away. He doesn’t know what to do, how he’s supposed to deal with this.

Dream focuses on rebuilding himself like this: what’s he really lost here? He doesn’t need to be able to run like he used to. Sure, he used to be a great fighter, and maybe he will be good again someday once he readjusts, but his biggest asset was always his plans, right? He can use horses. He’s got his peg leg and that’s pretty badass—it’s undeniable evidence of just how much he’s survived. He can get Punz to pick up more of the slack in battle. He can use Ranboo’s help. Hell, the whole server still feared him when he was half-dead in a box. He doesn’t need his leg. He is fine.

He is not fine.

#torture. #injury #c!dream and c!quackity #c!dream and c!techno #c!stagedduo #c!dream and c!sapnap #au: it will cost a leg

[ramblingguy54]

Sonic & Tails R: A Love Letter To Miles Tails Prower’s Characterization

     Warning: This will contain massive spoilers for the short radio play series of Sonic & Tails R. If you haven’t listened to the radio play yet on Youtube, I’d highly recommend any hardcore Sonic fan who hasn’t seen it check it out. It’s one Hell of a treat.

     For as far back as I can remember in my childhood, Tails’ story of trying to step outta Sonic’s shadow has been such a resonating one for myself. Even when I was a much younger kid playing my Dreamcast, during entries like Sonic Adventure 1 & 2, there was some idea lingering about why Tails just stood out more emotionally in his journey to grow beyond depending on Sonic all the time for help. Now here I am a young adult in my late twenties having such a deeper appreciation of this little two tailed genius kiddo because he’s got an important element that’s made him so beloved for good reason.

     In spite of his genius being a rival to that of Eggman’s high IQ and of course proving to surpass it plenty of times when scenarios boil down to being a high stakes battle, Miles Tails Prower beneath it all is still just like any one of us. We’re all trying to find our place in this world about what defines us for who we are as unique people. He wants to be more than just seen as someone who’s alongside Sonic The Hedgehog’s never say die attitude, but prove he’s plenty capable of standing on his own two feet to protect everything the kid holds dear to himself. Underdog stories, when they’re naturally executed very well, can reel me in so easily. They are very much my bread & butter trope I adore seeing.

     To no one’s surprise, the two Sonic Adventure’s iterations portrayal of Tails’ characterization are hands down some of my favorite writing for the two tailed fox, regarding what the 3D era has done toward him, development wise. It gave him more of an existential struggle to endure like, “What happens when Sonic isn’t around to help stop Eggman? What if I’m not strong enough to accomplish what he can?”, making Tails plight to be seen as an equal all the more endearing when stopping Eggman in his climatic battle against the Egg Walker in Station Square. This here is a great use of a timeless lesson you can apply in life that if you set you heart and mind on anything, there isn’t a thing you can’t accomplish on your own, which is why many fell in love with Sonic Adventure 1 & 2′s writing for Miles Tails Prower’s journey of independence.

     As someone who comes from a large family tree of relatives, I feel the weight of my existence on my shoulders at a number of points more than I’d care to count, admittedly. Seeing Tails struggle with his sense of purpose, in contrast to observing how much Sonic has accomplished with his carefree, yet deeply compassionate attitude, means the world to me in watching another trying to comprehend their value as a whole on how much they matter, overall. This is a big part of why my fondness for SA1 & 2′s quality has never wavered over these years, besides still obviously enjoying most of their game play mechanics. People can try to debate to their heart’s content on whether the Adventure games still hold up in their own eyes, but I’ll always respect them for how they tried to develop certain characters, such as Tails, Gamma, and Shadow The Hedgehog notably, to attempt expanding upon their characters, as well as world building.

     I won’t bother going into a rant about how Sonic’s recent 3D games have butchered Tails’ personality & relatable nature, due to the current writers in charge of handling the cast of characters. More or less, I greatly empathize toward the notion many have already stated about Tails being so cowardly and God forbid, looking at Lost World, downright severely mean spirited. Rather, I’m obviously writing this lengthy post to breakdown why Sonic & Tails R succeeds, where these certain 3D games have greatly faltered in exploring Tails’ emotional dilemmas as an insecure, yet still having the courage to prove himself, talented boy full of hidden potential he doesn’t quite realize, until his back is against the wall in life threatening situations.

“That day, I realized I couldn’t depend on you forever. Not that I can’t depend on you, but like, “What happens when Sonic isn’t here?”, you know?”

     Sonic & Tails R further delves into this fundamental rule of what has defined Tails in Sonic Adventure 1 & 2′s stories of events where Sonic wasn’t there to aid his best bud in taking down Eggman’s evil efforts for global domination, most importantly his fear of defending the Earth without his role model. Besides what I already stated in SA1′s events in Station where he stopped the Egg Walker, as well as the missile Eggman launched from detonating before their climatic battle, Tails watched Sonic blow up in ARK’s capsule presuming him to be dead after Sonic imparted how much faith he has in the kid’s abilities to be truly strong in the face of any foe. Sonic & Tails R manages to use fan service in a way that doesn’t feel like “pandering” for the sake of it, using this past canon material to do more of an in-depth study about Miles’ anxieties of existing without Sonic.

     Wouldn’t put it past them if EmuEmi & crew were using SA2′s Sonic death fake out scene in that space capsule to further add trauma to Tails’ psychological attachment to Sonic, as well as his insecurities of depending on him too much, to boot. While it’s never obviously outright stated in their radio play, I definitely believe they were factoring this element into adding dramatic exploration for why Tails is so self-conscious about the worst case scenario of permanently losing Sonic. Watching Sonic supposedly die put Tails into a deeper state of self-reflection, so I very much enjoyed how they went using these past events to create a thorough exploration about him learning just as it’s important to realize you need to stand up for yourself without using someone else as a crutch all the time, it’s doubly important to remember there’s nothing wrong about asking someone for help when you’re about to be down and out with little options left.

     Sonic & Tails R beautifully builds upon the foundation these two games’ stories left behind years ago, creating new damn great material to explore with the most iconic characters of this cast, Sonic & Tails brotherly dynamic. I’ve been praising Sonic & Tails R out the wazoo for how well it captured Tails underdog story of overcoming death defying odds, but it managed to remind me how simply adorable and outright wonderfully endearing their brotherly chemistry is as a whole. This is a big friendly reminder Sonic isn’t all about being cocky wise cracking character making meta jokes left and right, but he can be plenty capable of showing serious compassion to anyone he values as an ally and friend. This is no greater evident, than with him verbally lifting Tails up in his time of need when he’s self-depreciating his own significance. It can be seen in Episodes 2, 4, and 7 giving Tails motivational pieces of advice.

    Episode 2 In Adabat’s Cavern

-Sonic: Wasn’t it your radar that helped us find these Emerald shards in the first place? How could you be slowing us down when you’ve gotten us this far?

-Tails: But, I...

-Sonic: I could never make something like that. You’re the smartest person I know, Tails. One way or another, we’ll figure this out, count on it.

         Episode 4 In Holoska After Helping Silver Save The Chao

-Sonic: So, what was that back there? At the cave, in Adabat? -Tails: What do you mean? -Sonic: Frozen stiff. Confidence shot. It’s not like you. It was more than feeling like you were “slowing us down”, right?

        Episode 7 Inside The Egg Carrier 3

-Sonic: Let’s split up! I’ll distract them and you can go after the energy source. -Tails: You’re gonna take them on all by yourself!? Let me help, Sonic! -Sonic: No time for this, Tails. Stop overthinking and just go! If I can get their attention, I’ll take the heat off of you and that room you’re going to probably won’t have any security. Take this emerald and I’ll take the other one we have. It’ll lead me right to you after I beat these guys. -Tails: O-Okay... -Sonic: Hold on, Tails! Listen to me. Don’t stop moving and be careful. I’ll be fine and so will you!

     Sonic & Tails R remembers the most crucial detail of their important relationship. One isn’t better than the other and needing to always rely upon that notion for helping one outta a jam, but instead showcases how they’re equals as a team/bros. Sonic may be super fast and strong, however Tails has his intelligence to analyze situations in a different angle Sonic wouldn’t necessarily consider, per say. Which isn’t to say Tails couldn’t put up a fight either, as we’ve seen in SA1 & SA2′s stories where he faced Eggman one on one with no outside help to best him at his own game of wits & strength.

     We get see the apex of this idea through Tails facing Eggman in his super improved mecha walker. Although Tails may get thrown for a loop here at first by Eggman, it’s his villainous speech about winners and losers in their world that ironically does the exact opposite of what he intended. Eggman wanted to crush Tails’ sense of self worth before finishing him off, but all it did was reignite the very lesson Sonic told him earlier before running to distract Eggman’s robotic minions. That said lesson of he’s more than capable of facing dangerous threats

-Eggman: Poor boy. We all have to learn this lesson, sooner or later. In every game there’s no one you can depend on. You’re all alone and you’re either a winner, or a loser. And as you know, loser’s lose all of their lives. Say goodbye, fox!

-Tails: You’re wrong! I can depend Sonic! I won’t let him down! I can’t because...Because he’s depending on me! And because of that I won’t lose to you!

     This radio play strikes a good balance in utilizing the grey moral area about depending on someone vs it being an unhealthy display of attachment derived from serious insecurity. Word’s can’t begin to describe how much I loved this moment to pieces because it’s oh so important for writing Tails’ characterization. If you’re going to tackle him being super self conscious about his reliance on Sonic, then you gotta remember why they are so close to one another to begin with. Sonic & Tails have an unbreakable connection, considering they’ve brought out their best qualities in themselves from being together as individuals. For Sonic, it’s his older brother compassion to Tails to bring him outta feeling melancholy. For Tails, the kid finally understands there isn’t anything wrong with depending on Sonic when he needs it most.

     After all, that’s what a real healthy friendship is all about. Whether you’re giving someone a dose of tough love, or simply a piece of motivational advice, it defines how much you truly care about someone, period. Sonic & Tails have this very same power from their bond, which is why new emeralds form from their compassionate friendship that hasn’t been shaken after all the years they’ve been together. Another detail worth noting is it adds to the lore in an impactful manner when Tikal expresses in Episode 8 about positive connections and thoughts from users of the Chaos Emeralds having a strong will & heart. Using the ideas they had for encapsulating Sonic & Tails’ dynamic to create new emeralds from their love for each other as brothers adds an emotional weight.

“So, Sonic’s not the only one who harness the power of the Chaos Emeralds? I can too!?”

“Yes, you have a strong heart! There is a power waiting to be unlocked within you, as well.”

          I’d always daydreamed about in my childhood seeing Super Sonic & Tails take down a threatening villain, whether it was Eggman or different powerful creature such as Chaos or the Biolizard. You can imagine how fucking giddy I was beyond belief to see this artwork of Episode 9′s cover for the radio play. Tails not only got to have another one on one with Eggman, but a team up with Super Sonic in his own respective Super form? Sign me the Hell up! Talk about an all you eat buffet of good writing for Tails’ journey reaching its climax. Getting to hear this play out, alongside the amazing song of Fly With Me, made it authentically feel like something straight outta if there were an installment of Sonic Adventure 3 being brought into reality, which certainly feels like it now.

     Episode 9 has so much awesome stuff with Sonic & Tails working together in their super forms. Particularly, my favorite scene is at the beginning when Sonic teaches Tails how to navigate his newly acquired speed in his respective Super form. My heart melted hearing Sonic help Tails through it all, while he was overjoyed about how fun this new form is for himself. Wholesome Sonic & Tails content is the perfect daily serotonin for me, easily. It’s an awesome fun fact to know they used a scrapped boss from Tails Tornado segment in SA1 for Eggman’s flying dragon three headed robot in their big final battle, once again using old canon material in a very effective manner to boost the quality of their fan made story.

     It’s been a real thrill to hear Mike Pollock play a straight forward serious Eggman making my day in more ways than one, considering that’s another thing I’ve been yearning for desperately besides Tails being a competent character again. His performance in Episode 9 when Eggman gave that speech about how long he’s been at odds with Sonic & Tails stubborn will power was simply excellent. The moment he told his mechanical dragon to crush them I got serious chills. That’s the Eggman I remember and grew up with. He could be a hammy villain sure, but Eggman wasn’t a doormat that could be swiftly beaten. Robotnik can be considered a serious threat in his own right and this radio play nailed it down to the very letter with how much he predicted their actions.

“Sonic, all I ever wanted to do was be like you. You’re not scared of anyone or anything. I could never be like that. At least, so I thought. I grew from that, but then I got so caught up in trying to prove it that thought it wasn’t okay to depend upon anyone, especially you. I just didn’t want to be that scared little kid in Station Square anymore, but now I understand. It’s okay to depend on your friends. It all means is that we’re stronger together, so the next time Eggman comes back and wants to start any trouble with you, or any of my friends. Emeralds or no emeralds, he’s gonna have to get past me and he won’t!”

Sonic By Episode 1′s End: Aww, yeah! Adventure, here we come!

Tails By Episode 10′s End: Aww, yeah! Adventure, here I come!

Turn your thoughts into power. Be all that you can be.

     The ending legit got me choked up because what of they decided to do for wrapping up Tails journey in a poetic fashion. Having Tails go off on his own separate journey to grow more independence pulled on my heart strings perfectly. Very much so, as I’m transitioning slowly, but surely, into gaining more freedom to go out into the outside world in my own life. Concluding the story, by Sonic & Tails holding onto the two Emeralds their bond had formed from positive energy, due to their powerful friendship, was so heartwarming. This is how you write an overview of what makes Sonic & Tails chemistry work so well as it does.

     Sonic & Tails R’s ending represents while some things never change, like Sonic and Tails bond for each other, it also shows there’s very much a necessity for people to grow, hence Tails’ whole solo journey in the epilogue. People can’t stay in the same place forever and will need go about finding their own path, even if it means saying “goodbye” periodically for a notable amount of time.

     It’s for these reasons I’ve listed in great explanation above throughout this detailed post cement Sonic & Tails R high on my list of favorite Sonic fan projects. They captured the magic of what made the Adventure games so beloved. Gonna be looking back on this passion project for many years to come. Everyone involved in this year long effort of a project dating all the way back Summer of 2020 ought to be immensely proud for how much their hard efforts paid off in the long run.

Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts here! 

Hope you enjoyed. 

#sonic and tails r #emuemi #sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #sonic analysis #long post #dr eggman #sonic adventure #sonic adventure 2 #this fan project means so much to me #everyone poured their heart and soul into it

[kaibutsushidousha]

If the v3 cast were Masters, which Servants would they summon who has the highest compatibility with them ?

Akamatsu and Amakusa

Amami and Nursery Rhyme

Iruma and Caligula

Ouma and Nightingale

Ki-bo and Kotarou

Gonta and Bedivere

Saihara and Arjuna

Shirogane and Gilgamesh (Caster)

Shinguuji and Medusa

Chabashira and Xuanzang

Toujou and Queen of Sheba

Harukawa and Jason

Hoshi and Dantes

Momota and Mandricardo

Yumeno and Nagiko

Angie and Douman

Explanations under the cut in case you're confused, because you probably are.

First off, Twitter people might be wondering why so many choices are different from what I chose for this thread. Obvious consideration for who is normally summonable aside, the main thing I kept in mind here is that compatibility summon comes in two flavors. Pattern A is a hero similar in nature to Master (Sakura and Medusa, Ryuunosuke and Gilles, etc), and Pattern B is the hero the Master needs for the personal struggles of their character arc (Pepe and Ash, Erice and Voyager, Elsa and Arash, Jinako and Karna, etc). Pattern B is always more interesting than Pattern A, so that's what I'm using for all my choices. Now let me go over them one by one.

1. I say things will be different from the thread and immediately break the promise with Akamatsu. Akamatsu relied a lot on Saihara's brain to build her plan, but their relationship was never one of mutual trust because she knew Saihara would agree to her harsher and more definitive methods. The hero Akamatsu needs is someone both competent and like-minded. Someone who shares her earnest will to save everyone and willingness to use more extreme methods for it. Amakusa is the Servant for her.

2. For Amami, I'll go with Nursery Rhyme. Much like Raikou got Nursery in the Heian Singularity's Imperial Grail War as the emotional crutch daughter figure she needed, Amami gets an emotional crutch little sister figure to help him reunite with the twelve he lost. This pair would be interesting because it'd subvert Nursery's usual MO of simply forcing others to reconnect with their inner child. The whole reason why he lost 12 sisters is that his passion for seafaring and exploration distracts him from what he's supposed to do. Her role as the villain of the Santa Nightingale event shows she can be harsh when children are being neglected, so Nursery would be the force pulling Amami back on track, but she'd have to balance that with allowing him to enjoy himself to preserve his childish love for adventure. He'd be a tough and delicate case for our Hero of Children.

3. The hero Iruma needs is... anyone who tolerates her, really. My first thought was Karna, but he's about finding value where no one else does, and Iruma has her share of undeniable value, so I think he isn't the best choice. Their pair would be a watered-down version of Jinako's pair anyways. Fate/ actually quite scarce of Servants defined by being all-tolerant because that's a trait they push more on Fujimaru, but two examples that come to mind are Romulus, the man who loved all of Rome (read: human civilization) in both its sins and achievements; and Caligula, the man who went crazy trying to do the same. Romulus is too OP to help Iruma tone down her ego, so I'll go with Caligula.

4. Ouma is a hard case. He needs someone he can absolutely trust and finding one of those is a huge challenge. The only ones Ouma has expressed full trust to were Gonta, because he was unquestionably good and weak-willed enough to never stray away from Ouma's instruction without asking first; and chapter 5 Momota, who was in circumstances so complicated that he wouldn't dare to throw away the chance Ouma's script offered. Ouma is the kind of paranoid control freak who would intentionally go for a Berserker because even the ones who speak are single-minded in a way that makes them easy to plan around. The alternative would be someone so like-minded in methods and standards that he'd probably hate them but still trust as someone who thinks the same way he would, but only BB fits that bill and she's not normally summonable. With that card off the table, the only options Ouma has left are Berserker he can trust to never kill anyone ever, and the only Zerk valuing life this much is Nightingale. BB's fellow nurse, amusingly enough.

5. Ki-bo would be offended with Alaya if he summoned a robot or homunculus just because he's a robot. And he also wishes for a partner that will treat him as an equal without denying what makes him different as a robot. In short, he needs a human Servant that is used to have normal relationships with robots. But Chen Gong or Red Hare because they're too evil, nor Orion because he's too crude. That leaves us with robot Danzou's human son, Fuuma Kotarou.

6. Gonta's wish is to become a true gentleman his human family can acknowledge, and for that, he needs the example of someone who is both well-mannered and of noble heart. Bedivere is an easy choice.

7. As I mentioned a few times before around 2017~18, I strongly think the best thing about Saihara is his interactions with Hoshi. Saihara is a guy feeling eternally guilty because he made one "good guy" murderer pay for his crime and he tries to make up for it by forcefully validating Hoshi's mass-murdering of the mafia. Then in Fate/, we have Arjuna, an all-around excellent man who adamantly believes himself to be evil because he did one dishonorable thing once. Saihara is the stubborn validating Master Arjuna needs to make him understand that he is not the monster he believes himself to be.

8. The first thing about Shirogane is that she really doesn't like reality, especially when it concerns herself. She can't muster any interest in the boring, plain girl she is or the boring, plain world she lives in, so she makes a hobby and a job out of becoming someone else, a larger-than-life figure in a fictional world. She loves all Danganronpa characters but expresses greater adoration towards Junko and Kamukura, the most unreal the series has produced. Enter Gilgamesh, the Hero King with the comically large ego and literally all Noble Phantasm to satiate Tsumugi's craving for a break from reality. That said, Gilgamesh has the recurring hobby of playing therapist to a Master disconnected from their own self and is the franchise's greatest symbol of the willing departure from the Age of Gods into the Age of Man. As much as he fits her tastes on a surface level, he's the guy who transitioned the flashy world of fantasy she dreams of into the plain world she hates, and he'll use most of his free time to the same on a personal level for her. The Caster version is being specifically picked because Archer has childish beef with modernity, and Caster is intentionally making his arsenal more limited and unimpressive, which is self-demonstrative of the points he wants to make to Shirogane.

9. One of his Free Time Events has him explaining why Medusa is his favorite myth, and I definitely can't claim to know this shit better than him. Deep emotional attachment to a story can net you a compatibility summon, as Kiara is there to show, and Shinguuji gets bonus points from how TM Medusa became a monster out of living her life for her sisters rather than for herself.

10. Cute and righteous female Buddhist mentor figure who does martial arts. What else could Chabashira ask for?

11. Toujou takes self-worth from serving big important people with utmost perfection, so she needs her Servant to be a king or similarly important leader. But she also needs it to be a support Caster so can properly invert the Master-Servant relationship and personally fight the enemy Servant for her king. The only characters in the middle of the Venn diagram of kings and support Casters are Medea and Sheba, and Medea wants nothing do with the royalty life anymore, so Sheba it is.

12. The role of the hero Harukawa needs is already properly fulfilled by Momota in the story, so I'll go with Jason because he shares all of Momota's strenghts and flaws. He's someone who'll force her to be part of a team, relentlessly encourage her break out of her shell, and have a shitty personality she can never fully respect, making the relationship balanced. And things would go even smoother with Jason because his summon comes with Atalante, who is someone Harukawa can easily relate to.

13. Hoshi needs someone who would assure him of his choices and make him comfortably reconnect with his past like he did with Saihara in his Free Time Events. As practically the face of the Avenger Class, Dantes defines himself as an ally and guardian to the ones who were wronged and lashed out in less than virtuous ways, so he's a perfect fit.

14. Momota is too aware of himself as the protagonist of his own story to want a hero. He would instead want a loyal sidekick or a like-minded rival. Voyager is a good sidekick option due to his fit with Momota's wish for greater adventure further beyond, and is a Servant Momota mentions in his Free Time Events, so there's the emotional connectional to his story there. For a rival, a big name adventurer like Drake or Odysseus could work, and so could a wandering warrior like Musashi. But there's one option that fits both roles: Mandricardo. Rica has the adventurer experience necessary to eventually compete with Momota, but also Saihara's level of self-esteem, allow him to start on the sidekick role until Momota pulls him out of it and shapes him into a proper rival.

15. Like with Harukawa, the role of hero Yumeno needs is already fulfilled by Chabashira in canon, so we know what she needs is someone with high energy and a deep understanding of emotions. And Fate/'s biggest connesieur of human emotion is none other than our Kiyohara no Nagiko.

16. Angie is a complicated case because she doesn't react well to being disobeyed. My first idea for someone with a functioning partnership with her is a knight, but knights generally work on the premise that their king is selfless and righteous, which Angie isn't. There are people like Lan Ling, Liangyu, the ninjas, Mori or Okita, who submit their lives to anyone's authority, but for that same reason, they wouldn't help Angie improve. What she really needs is someone good at feigning humility, like Limbo. He wouldn't have good intentions for her Master, but by manipulating situations out of her control without letting her feel like her divine words are being challenged, he can force some level of change on her mindset. It's better than nothing.

#danganronpa v3 #type moon #kaede akamatsu #rantarou amami #miu iruma #kokichi ouma #ki bo #gonta gokuhara #shuuichi saihara #tsumugi shirogane #korekiyo shinguuji #tenko chabashira #kirumi toujou #maki harukawa #ryouma hoshi #kaito momota #himiko yumeno #angie yonaga

[its-kall-the-clown]

I saw 39 and I couldn't choose between SpicyNoodles or SilkTea so pick whichever pairing calls out to you the most?

*Slams keyboard* yo we don't have enough silktea shipping up in this fandom and I'm STARVING for it!!

I actually have a Silktea fic in the works that happen to be a nurse back to health trope kind of fic. Soooo this may or may not end up getting recycled and used in it. We will see *shrugs*

prompt list

Cookie Tin Experiments

Rating: pg-13

“If you don’t rest, you won’t heal.” the deep baritone voice of warrior demon chided. Huntsman keeps his back turned to him and huffs.

"And if I followed your advice I would become one of your lazy lap pets" he bites out hobbling around with his bad leg and crutch. He was gritting his teeth through the pain, but the pain was good. It was easier to deal with compared to the soft touch and kind words that were so foreign to him.

He much preferred the pain and suffering. It was more familiar, easier to navigate compared to the uncharted territory that was Sandy.

He ignores the little disappointed sigh that the demon lets out, once again too soft for his kind, and instead continues his mission to find himself some food. He wants tea, damn the demon, and getting him addicted to the warm earthy flavor. And he wants those little cookies that he always served with it.

The one that came out of the bright blue tin and somehow always tasted better when Sandy gave them to him.

He finally spots the tin sitting atop the highest shelf. He tisks under his breath at his misfortune, reaching up and trying to balance on his toes of his one good leg.

He wobbles a sweat breaking out across his brow. Why was it so far up??? Some part of him thinks the Demon placed it there on purpose to torcher him.

Footsteps.

It makes him freeze and something akin to anticipation crawls its way up his spine. He knows Sandy is only walking towards him, but he feels like prey under a stalking warrior. A shadow casts over his body and a warm chest is pressed against his back.

He's forced against the counter gently as the body behind him reaches up for the tin of cookies.

Huntsman hopes they are too distracted to feel his heart racing in his chest.

He hates this. He hates how warm Sandy feels against his back, he hates how his heart won't fucking stop beating like an idiot, and he hates how incredibly and utterly safe he feels pressed up against this counter.

All too soon the warmth leaves him breathless and the tin of cookies is offered to him with a wide smile.

"Here you are~ tea goes great with these so I'll put on a kettle." The other was completely unaware of what state he's left Huntsman in.

"S-sure. Whatever!" The spider huffs ripping the tin open and shoving a cookie in his mouth hoping it was enough to finally get his heart to stop fluttering in his chest. His back had a lingering warmth that made him shudder.

He didn't know why this always happens around the blue demon. Maybe he still was afraid of them...He needed further experimentation to be certain.

-----------------

His first experiment started a day later in the same spot. 'needing' the cookie tin that was set on the top shelf. Huntsman made sure that Sandy was in the room, and made a big show of trying desperately to reach it.

As if on cue the gentle giant rose from his spot on the sofa and made his way over to the struggling spider demon.

Once again he had his stomach pushed to the counter, this time a large hand curls around his hip, steading him and sending electric currents up his spine at the contact. He would deny the little gasp that slipped past his fangs. the warm presence of Sandy is pressed up against his back. This time he focused on his heartbeat, the way the muscles felt solid against him, the gentle even breaths of their chest.

Huntsman focuses on all of it. Trying to pinpoint what part of this makes his own heart flutter frantically.

All too soon the tin can is pressed to his hands and Sandy only smiles at him, something shrewd and knowing under his beard that Huntsman didn't like.

"If you don't rest you won't heal." He reminds him again gently.

He huffs hobbling away without another word.

---------------

The second experiment is tampered with before he even has a chance to try. The cookie tin is not in its normal spot. Set unassumingly down on the counter within arms reach.

Within Huntsman's reach.

He stares at the traitorous tin with all his eyes. How dare the tin be on the counter within reach. This ruins his experimentation. Damn that blue demon and his thoughtfulness, he probably was trying to make things easier for him unknowing that Huntsman was trying something.

"There a problem?" Sandy is beside him, the man sneaking up on him and making him jump. For his hulking figure, he was surprisingly stealthy.

"No." His words are stilted and he turns away from the cookie tin with a huff. Hobbling away feeling an embarrassed flush on his face. He felt like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

He wobbles his way into the living area and he can hear the demon padding after him, following him like a worried puppy.

Huntsman stops in the middle of the living room and looks around. For anything, he could use as his experiment for the day. He spies the bookcase with a red-covered book on the top shelf.

Perfect.

He hobbles over to it and tries reaching for it, once again making a show of not being able to reach it.

Surprisingly Sandy doesn't move forward and Huntsman is left hanging. He feels like a child just learning to spin a web and no one there to help him.

Why wasn't Sandy helping him? Could the big oaf not see he needed the red book at the top of the shelf.

He whirls around with a snarl on his lip and finds that Sandy was indeed still there, just watching him struggle helplessly. There is a lazy smirk on the man's face and they cross their arms and raise an eyebrow at them.

Huntsman feels his face flush red.

He's being played with.

Sandy left that cookie tin out on purpose, and he was leaving him struggling on purpose, he wanted Huntsman to ask for help.

He growls making a little fist with his hands, he tucks his chin into his chest realizing he was going to have to ask for help if he wanted to continue this experimentation.

"C-can you-" He licks his lips trying to find the words and Sandy continues to wait with his arms crossed over his chest. Impossibly patient. If this was a test of wills the spider demon would surely fail.

"-get that book for me." He growls out past tight fangs. Sandy smiles and uncrosses his arms.

But what Huntsman didn't know is that he had made a mistake.

He's now facing Sandy as they approach, instead of his normal position with his back to them.

He finds himself back up against the bookcase, the shelves digging painfully into his back as Sandy looms over him. His eyes not once leaving Huntsman's.

His breath catches in his throat. His heart is beating ten times as fast compared to last time.

Once again that large hand finds his hip, the thumb rubbing deliciously over his hip bone. Their faces are just a few inches apart with Sandy looming over him.

It would only take a few inches to connect them. The smallest push.

A book is pressed to his chest and Huntsman doesn't even look at it. Transfixed and lost in the expression that Sandy was giving him that he couldn't name.

"Was this what you wanted?" They asked his voice in a husky tone and Huntsman feels that damn thumb continue its ministrations against his hip. It's damn distracting, as equally mind-numbing. It stutters his brain and some pathetic noise curls in the back of his neck as the only affirmation he can offer.

"You don't seem too certain. You sure?" the larger of the two tilts his head slightly again, that unknown expression raking him over like coals against skin. Suddenly he's not too certain Sandy is talking about the book.

All he can do is nod, not trusting his voice enough to speak properly.

Blue eyes look Huntsman over, studying him like a map. He finds what he was looking for, or maybe he didn't because he pulls away. He barely had enough time to catch the book pressed to his chest before it tumbles to the floor.

"Never took you as a romance novel type.~"

They tease, creating space and breathing room for Huntsman. The steadying hand never left his hip though.

He can't find it in himself to care.

He shakes the strang spell off him and scowls trying desperately to rein in his emotions or whatever the fuck this was.

"It's p-probably the only good book to read in your shitty yoga instruction book library." He snaps out and Sandy only chuckles knowingly.

He storms off with a book tucked under his arm and face matching the shade of the binding.

#thank you!!! I love doing this one #Silktea #silktea shipping #Sandy #writting prompt #prompt ask #monkie kid

[ibex-ascendant]

So, I’m fascinated by Shen Qingqiu’s identity issues.

Now, you may be thinking at this point: “But Amarielah, Shen Qingqiu never has any identity issues! From the moment he assumed the role of Shen Qingqiu, he only ever referred to himself as Shen Qingqiu!” And you’d be right! His issue with becoming the scum villain was only ever about his gruesome fate; he is more than happy to adopt the identity of Shen Qingqiu in its entirety and never has even a moment of angst over dying and leaving behind a family that for all intents and purposes seemed to be very healthy and loving and functional. He never even misses his little sister, who he admits to doting on in his previous life.

And, from a Watsonian perspective, that...is very weird.

Now, I understand the likely narrative purpose of this creative decision. To preserve the initial levity and pacing of the story, it would bog things down to have Shen Qingqiu angsting over the life he left behind. But that’s the Doylist perspective. And I always look for the Watsonian perspective whenever I try to interpret a character.

So, here are some things we know about Shen Yuan/Shen Qingqiu:

He has issues recognizing and understanding his own emotions. When Binghe was in the Endless Abbys, everybody around Shen Qingqiu could see he was devastated by the loss, but Shen Qingqiu himself did not. See also: not recognizing the nature of his feelings for Binghe as romantic, and being in deep and apparently sincere denial about his own sexuality.

He read practically every male wish fulfilment webnovel that he could, particularly of the transmigration variety. 

He may very well have been a shut-in of some kind. Certainly, the fact that he could binge-read a webnovel the size of PIDW in a couple of weeks tells me he is unemployed and probably spends most of his time at home.

More evidence for this is the fact that the novel itself describes his original body as a “pretty boy”. Shen Yuan was a conventionally attractive guy, with looks that specifically appeal to young ladies. So why didn’t he attract a single little sister? Probably because he rarely went outside.

When I talk about Shen Qingqiu’s identity issues, I mean his lack of attachment to the person he used to be. To the point that he doesn’t spare a single thought to people he must have cared for very dearly.

All of this paints a picture of a person who was deeply unhappy, despite being in circumstances that many would find enviable. Shen Qingqiu was probably happy to give up the life of Shen Yuan because he didn’t like being Shen Yuan. Though, due his ability to ignore and sublimate his own emotions, it’s quite possible he was in denial about how unhappy he was.

And I don’t think it’s because he didn’t actually love his family. I think it’s because Shen Qingqiu has just been burying those feelings deep, deep down. And he’s been using his own impending doom as a distraction from having to confront them. 

This is a person who was willing to die with the person he loved, as long as it was ‘together’. And while that’s very romantic, it’s also not the healthiest attitude. So I posit that he’s using Binghe as an emotional crutch. That he’s hiding from the person that he used to be, and the reality of all the people that he lost when he died. 

So I think that, post-canon, this is going to be the central problem that he’ll need to grapple with. Without the distraction of avoiding his violent demise, or fighting against some BOSS, all of these things he’s been sublimating are probably going to come to the surface whether he likes it or not.

#svsss #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #scum villain's self-saving system #this is part of what i'm exploring in reflected in shadow #bingge ripped off a bandaid and shen qingqiu is having trouble sticking it back on #all this baggage is coming out just as he loses his emotional support network

[k3lynn]

Haikyuu Boys As Songs ||

oikawa, suna, tendou

cw: FUCKBOY OIKAWA AND SUNA, swearing, mention of sex, drugs, etc, the good stuff, also sort of angsty for some pieces

a/n: I’ve seen lot’s of people do this so I figured it was sort of a trend, seemed really fun so I wanted to hop on board- if you know who did it first please pm me so I can credit and tag them <3 oh yeah! I finally finished working on my masterlist- please check it out if you like <3

this is all non-canon, and I ABSOLUTELY do not actually think actual oikawa, suna, and tendou do some these things/believe some of these things, just fun and gives me their overall vibes, I’m just writing a story with it lmao- I really should have titled this “fuckboy oikawa and Suna ft. baby Tendou” because DAMNN lol- NOT PROOF READ this is more of a f! reader type of thing but I could always do a male, non-binary, gender fluid, etc. reader with no problem if requested!

OIKAWA- (fuckboy- /hj)

Don’t Tell Em- Jeremih

my reasoning for this is the fact that oikawa’s ex girlfriend was only ever mentioned once, and just by his nephew (when they had just broken up)

there could have been conversations off screen/panel or something- but I have a really big hunch oikawa just barely talked/interacted with her in public

MAYBE people knew he had a girlfriend (although obviously by the sheer amount of people in his fan base they don’t care)

or MAYBE he kept her a secret- reasoning with himself that it was to “protect their image” and that’s why he said he didn’t know what he did wrong

ANYWAYS HEADCANON OIKAWA FUCKBOY STARTS HERE- will probably make this into a full fic

would probably want to keep your relationship a secret for 2 reasons

1) his fanbase and image

2) he’s not looking for anything other than someone he can go to when he’s “bored” iykyk

type who will promise you things and try and convince you to not leave him because it’s “what’s the best” for you two

“Why would you? Just keep the rythym” would be him asking why your relationship even has to be public in the first place- when he thinks you guys are perfectly ok how you are right now

The Hills- The Weeknd

do I even have to say anything

oikawa may use you as a crutch to fall back on when he’s so broken from volleyball

“When I’m fucked up, that’s the real me”

He keeps this image of the most ideal guy in front of almost everyone every day, he must get tired

he knows you know he doesn’t actually want you-

that’s why he doesn’t feel bad when he breaks your heart

he never promised you anything

“I only love it when you touch me, not feel me”

self explanatory- sex not feelings please

I Was All Over Her- Salvia Palth

lyric by lyric LETS GO!

“We didn’t make out, or do anything. I just remembered, I was lonely.”

Oikawa gets all over people- not sexually or romantically, but in a way to distract himself from the fact that they may not like him for who he truly is

he’s lonely

“It’s not a problem”

it doesn’t bother him- he’s so used to the perfect setter boy image, he refuses to show the same part of him that is actually breaking

“Every stranger makes me feel safer, and every person seems more beautiful”

Iwa mentioned Oikawa rarely ever smiles with actual joy behind it

The strangers (fanbase) around him make him smile all the time, not because he’s happy, but because it won’t hurt to disappoint the people he doesn’t try and know

He doesn’t want to care what you think

SUNA- (fuckboy- /hj)

Swang- Rae Sremmurd

sis stop it right now he’s going to make you cry

There’s not some deep hidden meaning behind it, he just doesn’t seem like the person to care if you hate him or not

Canonly more expressive with his thoughts-

I quote “wishing he could find a reason to poke fun at Kita or make snarky remarks against Tsukishima and Tanaka.”

so when he has the chance to make fun of you- COUNT HIM IN

secretly thinks you hang out with all of them because you want to get in all their pants

“she want the whole crew, shawty brave”

Fast- Sueco The Child

again- he thinks you’re dumb girl that just wants his dick and his clout

(Ik damn well he uses the word clout)

he doesn’t think his personally is all that special (nor does he care) so you’re obviously just wanting to fuck around

THOT!- Tokyo’s Revenge

“You’ll probably fuck the team if someone slide you a lil’ bean hoe.

BYEEEE BAHAHA WONT EVEN EXPLAIN

“She gon' suck the skin off the dick, love me not”

He’ll keep you around in case he wants to fwy a little BAHA-

TENDOU-

Faucet Failure-Ski Mask The Slump God

Take a listen and tell me it isn’t Tendou

it’s because it’s not- ITS THE FACT HE WOULD BE YELLING OUT THE SONG IN THE HALLWAYS BYE-

chaotic energy that is perfect for him

watch him just point at himself during a game and belt out “WHO’S THIS HE SHOULD BE IN COCKPIT”

Walking On A Dream- Empire of The Sun

He cares about Ushi so much- they’re complete opposites and yet fit eachother so well

Tendou understands Ushijima’s stoicness, just like Ushi understands Tendou’s “oddness”

He’s odd. He knows that- and has come to love it (as he should)

“Don't stop, just keep going on. I'm your shoulder, lean upon”

*Timeskip Spoiler* they still keep in touch all the time 🥺 Tendou is so proud to be able to watch him on TV and say “that’s my best friend”

So when Ushi needed someone to talk to, he was there

The song itself is about the writers strong friendship with his bandmate-

And just like that, it’s perfect in describing Tendou and Ushi

Tendou appreciates him so much, he has filled a huge, special, and emotional role in his life

“Two people become one.”

Peaches- Milk and Bone

“Don’t give a fuck about what they say, I turn around and ask ‘Hey is my hair okay?’”

No matter how much we work on our confidence, there will be moments where we all slip and get a feeling of insecurity again.

It’s perfectly normal. Don’t beat yourself over it.

“We paint our faces like you've never seen- Yeah I know, it's not even Halloween”

I find this representing of the fact that Tendou does not care if people see him as creepy or a monster anymore

You’ve never seen someone like him before

It’s fun, it’s crazy, it’s like you’re going 80 mph and hit a speed bump

It’s perfectly Tendou

BACK TO HAIKYUU MASTERLIST

© k3lynn 2021, do not modify or repost without permission

(Reblogging/sharing through Tumblr is okay 💕)

#anime #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu smut #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu headcanons #oikawa fanfiction #oikawa smut #oikawa imagine #oikawa angst #oikawa tōru #haikyuu oikawa #oikawa x reader #oikawa headcanons #suna smut #suna rintaro scenarios #suna x reader #hq suna #suna rintaro imagine #suna rintarō #suna imagines #suna oneshot #suna fanfic #suna angst #oikawa fanfic #tendou hcs #tendou satori #hq tendou #tendou headcanon #tendou x reader

[kitturah]

Holmes killing Holmes

Actually, he thought he was going to dieafter Sherlock. His little brother is the one with the dangerous life. He on the contrary tends to stay safe. He has always seen himself aged in an armchair, grey and bent over in front of a fireplace, with his hand on a stick, leaning back and with a smile on his lips. That was how he wanted to die. Not this way, not here. This place is the complete opposite. And it is too soon.

But he will die here, today. Before Sherlock. By Sherlock.

And because of his own stupidity.

Stupidity.

Stupidity has always been something that belonged to others. Now it is his. For the first, and last time. Stupidity is taking him to the grave. He almost laughs at it.

Instead, he talks. Talks to Sherlock, wants him at least not to feel stupid and manipulated. Talks to ease his brother into what he has to do, what Eurus is making him do.

„… You’ve always been the slow one, the idiot,“ he says. Forgive me, Sherlock, he does not say. „That’s why I’ve always despised you“, he says. You could never help it, he doesn’t say. „You shame us all,“ he says. I’m so proud of you. „You shame the family name,“ he says. You’re the big Holmes of the family. „Now, for once in your life, do the right thing. …“ He keeps talking, but he doesn’t listen to himself. He just looks at Sherlock, his little brother, who has long since seen through him.

I’m sorry, he doesn’t say.

„Ignore everything he just said,“ Sherlock says instead to John, who listens with a stoic expression, having accepted something he doesn’t have to. He is a good man. The best of the three of them. And the perfect companion for Sherlock. „He was being kind. He’s trying to make it easy for me to kill him. Which is why it is going to be so much harder.“ He takes a swing and aims. A lump of cold hits Mycroft’s chest, making him stagger briefly.

„Not in the face, though, please,“ he says, as if that matters. He holds on to it. And, „I promised my brain to the Royal Society,“ he adds, as if that matters. But meaning has lost all ist sense, now, on the threshold of death. His death. A surreal notion. He has made up his mind. But he cannot believe it: that he is about to die.

He looks at Sherlock. The last face he will ever see. And he wonders if his brother will regret it. If he will grieve. If it will hurt him. But he doesn’t ask. He talks and talks. And Sherlock talks too. One last distraction. A postponement of the inevitable. They both don’t want it to happen.

„I won’t allow this.“ John pushes himself into the line of fire. Looks at Mycroft. And pulls the brothers out of their ridiculous spiral of distracting ramblings.

Mycroft’s gaze settles on John. He is suddenly immensely grateful to him. For being here. For rescueing Sherlock.

Still his brother aims at him, but he drops his arm as Mycroft begins to explain, to dissuade John from his ridiculous intervention. He explains, explains himself, explains the situation. And suddenly Sherlock recognises, recognises John. And steps back again. Sherlock’s gaze meets Mycroft’s.

„How could you be so stupid.“

I know, Sherlock. I know.

His brother raises his arm again, the muzzle staring coldly and darkly at Mycroft. Stupidity. His own stupidity screams at him, mute and black. He swallows.

One last deep breath. His insides tremble. „Goodbye, brother mine“, he says. Do not forget me, he does not say.

Yet it is important to him not to be forgotten. Not by him.

Sherlock will remember this, what he has done. He will have nightmares and it will haunt him. Mycroft doesn’t want his little brother to go through that. But he can’t change it. He can only hope that John will be there, that he will be able to handle Sherlock’s nightmares. He suddenly wishes he could be there with him himself. Sherlock is not used to being emotional. It will disturb him.

Sherlock tilts his head, his index finger resting immovably next to the trigger on the gun. He doesn’t realise it has to be now. He doesn’t want to realise it.

I know. But you have to.

„No flowers,“ he says aloud, „my request.“

And then the tension dissipates. The light turns red. Eurus speaks. Moriarty speaks. „And here we are. End of the line. Holmes killing Holmes.“ Even from death, he still makes fun of them all.

Mycroft feels small. Small and stupid. He is small and stupid. And he is to blame. For all of this. For Sherlock’s coming misery. For his own death.

Sherlock’s eyes narrow. „Five minutes…!“ he hisses. „It took her just five minutes to do all of this to us.“

Yes, now you understand. Now you understand how good she is.

Helplessly, Mycroft looks at him.

We didn’t stand a chance. I didn’t stand a chance.

Mycroft doesn’t know what to say. He has been so terribly stupid. So arrogant. So infinitely stupid. He lowers his eyes.

He does not know what will happen after his death. But he can assume that his sister will not harm Sherlock after she gets what she wants. He can rest easy.

He looks up again and finds Sherlock still pointing the gun at him. He looks at him. For a moment they seem to understand each other like brothers. Sherlock nods. Something in Mycroft suddenly softens. And he fears he will not be able to endure the situation to the very end. He forces a smile. His body tension slackens. Sherlock’s expression loosens a little. He is reassured. It was worth it.

Brother mine.

John steps up to Sherlock, wraps his fingers around his friend’s gun hand. He focuses fully on Sherlock and on the task they have to do. Always the soldier. He mutters something and they both take a few steps towards Mycroft. He swallows. He struggles not to evade backwards. His heart beats fast and hard in his chest, as if protesting against what is coming, as if wanting to quickly do all the work it will never get to do. His fingers on his jacket lapels tremble slightly.

It will be over in a moment.

John adjusts Sherlock’s arm down a tiny bit. Then his gaze passes their hands. „I’m sorry it had to come to this,“ he says to Mycroft, and he closes his eyes for a moment.

„I know. Thank you, John,“ the elder Holmes says, looking at the pair before him, losing himself for a moment in the soldier’s steady gaze, actually finding his crutch in it. „I trust you.“ He says it knowing it will be quick. Because John is there. Take care of Sherlock, he doesn’t say, but he nods at John. He knows.

And then he sees John’s index finger press down on Sherlock’s, and all he hears then is the bang – and a swoosh that fills his head. Impact energy races through his chest, ripping a hole bigger than the one it caused. Ruptured eyes stare at him. They no longer have a hold. Everything inside him turns red.

The pain is worse than he expected and it takes away his breath. A tinge of panic screeches through his head. He struggles for oxygen. It was supposed to be quick! Everything inside him turns white and tastes of pain, goes numb. It turns cold. The shock.

„You’re dying from this.“

Or from blood loss.

„The bullet went straight through your heart. It’s no longer working.“

What do I do now?

„Suffer the shock, of course. That takes away the pain.“

I’m scared.

„Trust me, the shock makes it easier.“

I don’t stand a chance, do I?

„You will achieve your goal.“

The goal was to die now.

„Then do it.“

All right.

„Do it.“

Sherlock?

„Yes?“

I did it for you.

And then he’s gone.

__________________

This OS was inspired by the genius little scene The Dreams He Doesn‘t Have by @discordantwords

This is Mycroft's POV of the same scene written from Sherlock's POV in Holmes killed Holmes

Find it also on Ao3.

#bbc sherlock #sherlock fanfic #mycroft fanfic #sherlock and mycroft #angst fanfic #angsty #eurus holmes #john being a good friend #short fic #brotherly bonding #brotherly moments #mycroft holmes #sherlock holmes

[soukokuwu]

Hi I’m really sorry I know you’re probably busy and don’t just do urgent fics for anyone but this one’s quite urgent, um if it’s not triggering for you of course, could you please do Chuuya walking in on his S/O s*lf h*rming? It doesn’t have to be long, just something comforting please, again I completely understand if you can’t it’s just a bit urgent, either way thank you I appreciate it ❤️

in your head.

     genre. angst (fluff at the end ofc)      warnings. self harm, blood      synopsis. all of us have breaking points, but you have a saviour in the form of love.      word count. 1.4k      author notes. no, dw anony <3 i’m perfectly okay with writing this, you gave me a chance to vent a little too so thank you as well, and i hope this is ok!!

some days you think you’re strong enough to take it; all the rage, all the frustration, all the pain. some days you break and let them consume you. it’s natural, you’re only human after all. what’s dangerous about the latter is the possible extent to which it breaks you. because one moment you find yourself completely fine, feeling like you have the strength to take on the entire world.

other days, before you know it, you might already be half a step into the abyss.

today is one of those days.

you can’t explain why; it just is. is it because you’ve spent too long in the light? you’ve spent too long of a time shoving the thoughts into the back of your mind so in the end it all comes spilling out anyway? what’s worse then — breaking every single day a little bit at a time, or just crumbling into ashes all at once?

not that the answer matters. because you still hurt. everything’s screwed up, and no amount of effort will change anything, will it? no amount of trying will ever get rid of the loss, the grief, the guilt you feel. and you’re caught between two lines: to keep living and torturing yourself (which you think you deserve), or to just end it all and return to the beginning of life itself in death? the latter is a form of escape, though. do you really deserve it?

you can’t really explain the turmoil that goes on in your head. but it irritates the heck out of you. it hurts, and it will keep hurting. but it’s not like you can shut off your thoughts just like that.

maybe this is why the razor cuts deeper and deeper as you go. because the more you think, the larger the amount of pain you need to translate from emotional to physical. at least with physical pain, you’re distracted enough not to think.

how long has it been since you’ve done this? way too long. you’ve had your own personal crutch — your boyfriend. and immediately you feel an overwhelming amount of guilt rush over you. it isn’t alleviated when the next moment, you can hear his footsteps rushing over to you, the thumping all you can hear. or is that the drumming of your heart in your ears?

you don’t know. you really don’t know, you barely know anything.

all you can say for sure is that there is an unsightly amount of blood on the bathroom floor. you can’t even remember how long you’ve been sitting here piling slit on top of slit on top of slit. your arm is sore, and your fingers are sore too. you don’t even realise how much you’re crying until you turn to look at your boyfriend and all you can see is his striking orange hair all blurred into one with his face and those cerulean eyes.

and you cry even more because you think he doesn’t deserve this — he’s been so good to you. he doesn’t deserve having to worry over someone so pathetic, right?

but as always, he always seems to know what to do. and no, you don’t mean the fact that he’d thrown the razor aside the minute he got to you, or the fact that he disregards the blood staining his pants as he tries to clean your wounds.

it’s how he doesn’t pile on your guilt. no mention of “what the fuck did you do” or “what happened” because he doesn’t want to make you feel more overwhelmed than you already are. all he does is let you calm down as you nestle against his chest while he wraps your arm in a bandage, slowly, carefully, gently.

“i don’t deserve you, chuuya,” you let slip. you’re a little drowsy, and he knows it. after all, you’d lost a lot of blood. he makes a mental reminder to get the mafia doctor in to see you as soon as possible, but for now he has to put your emotions first. besides, he’s confident enough in his skills that you’d be okay for now, as long as you get some water in you and rest.

he smiles at you, poking your nose with his gloved finger before hoisting you in his arms and carries you to the bed. he doesn’t even care about the stains that get on his sheets. he just wants you comfortable. it’s not chuuya’s first time dealing with difficulties. although, this is the first time he’s seen your harm yourself. don’t get him wrong, though. he’s internally panicking, but he can’t show you that. it’ll make things worse, wouldn’t it?

honestly, he finds it weird how he knows what to do in this situation. how he doesn’t let his fear take over him. not that he lets himself ponder about it. he’s more concerned with what you’re upset about. but you both know — you’re not one to share so easily. even if he is your boyfriend of a year.

you’re amazed, actually, at how patient he is with you. considering he’s not much of it in anything else. never once has he actually pressured you to share anything. he’s asked you about it, but he’s quick to assure you that you don’t have to say a thing you aren’t comfortable with saying.

“you know, i’m so scared,” chuuya confesses as he sets down the glass of water on the nightstand after you take a big gulp. he sits himself next to you, and you allow him to wrap an arm around you, getting under the sheets, making you feel all warm and cosy.

“i’m so scared of losing you,” he explains, fingers now twirling your hair. “and i don’t know what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, princess, but can i be selfish this one time and ask you to please, let me share that pain with you?”

you don’t miss the slight quiver in his tone. he’s close to cracking, but he’s trying not to — just for you. and maybe he’s not the best person to try and ‘cheer someone up’, but oh god, to you? his patience and understanding is more than enough. and he’s never once failed at it.

chuuya hugs you tighter now. you can smell the faint hint of cigarettes lingering on his skin, and while you’re normally not a fan of it, oddly enough, it smells like home. your home.

no man is an island. and it’ll probably take more than anyone can imagine to make you feel okay again, if it’s even possible at all. but sometimes people lose sight of what’s important. sometimes, some people try — and that’s already more than what you can ask for. because not everyone has the patience for it.

“i love you, baby,” he whispers as he plants a long kiss on your head, “i love you and i would do anything for you. so just — just stay with me as long as you can, okay?”

never any sign of pressure. and you can feel the slight minification of the hurt you thought would never let up. right, that’s right. because in a world where no one owes anyone else a thing, sometimes a simple show of effort is a treasure in itself.

“chuuya, i know i’m not easy to be with —“

“you’re worth it, though.”

you giggle a little at how quick he is to assure you of that. it’s only miniscule, but you do feel your mood lightening a little.

“shut up,” you chide, embarrassed, burying your head in his chest, hearing the slight quickening of his heartbeat. “i know i’m not easy to be with, and i know you never ask anything of me, so i promise, chuuya. i promise you, i’ll try.”

you don’t even have to ask him anything, but you know that even if sometimes you fail at it, if sometimes you just break again and have a similar moment, that he’ll still be there for you, to assure you that you’re never alone.

“it’s you and me against the world, princess.”

tags. @yokelish @gogolparadise @fyowyn-writes @animatedarchives

#bungou stray dogs #bsd x reader #bsd chuuya #bsd chuuya x reader #chuuya x reader #bsd #bsd imagines #bungo stray dogs #bsd oneshot #bsd scenarios #rachwrote #bsd nakahara chuuya #bsd chuuya imagines #nakahara chuuya x reader #bsd chuuya oneshot #bsd chuuya scenarios

[whump-town]

Careful

Takes place after 5x01 because I love that angst of that episode and I love hurting Hotch but also Reid so...

No warnings

Dozing in and out of anesthesia it takes Spencer several hours to recall the full events of the day. He’s in too much pain, too distracted to note the lack of people at his bedside. Penelope holds his hand and he knows it’s her because he cracks an eye open and sees that someone dressed as the embodiment of the rainbow is softly asking him if he wants another ice chip. As time moves on, minutes feeling like hours, his sense comes to him and he sees the room around him. Feels a pang of hurt when he realizes that while Derek is eating his jello he does not see the typical crowd of three always waiting just at the edge of his bed.

“Where’s Hotch?” he asks sleepily. He can’t disguise the pain in his voice at this realization that Hotch hasn’t shown up. Hotch is always here. Lingering just out of reach but watching, Hotch always watches. Maybe not every time that Spencer wakes up but there are always blurry memories of the older man. Sometimes resting or pacing the room or just sitting and waiting but something. There’s always something.

Derek clears his throat but Garcia’s softly muffled sob beat him to it.

The heart monitor jumps as Spencer’s anxiety skyrockets, the pieces of his memory filling in as he recalls the conversation he had with Emily. Foyet and blood and the hospital. He can’t fight his tears, no amount of quick blinking abates them. “Is he…”

Derek sits up, shushing him before he can find the words to fill in the heavy blank. “No, no,” he cups Spencer’s cheek, shaking his head. “No, pretty boy, he’s okay.” Derek shakes his head at his own exaggeration of the truth. Hotch is anything but okay right now but he’s alive and that has to count for something. “He’s a little banged up,” Derek amends. “He’s alive.”

They dodge his questions for the rest of the day. Using just how touched starved he is against him, turning his attention away from his thoughts with a hand pressed to his forehead. Fingers sweeping through his hair until he’s safely nestled back into his blankets and pillows, losing to his exhaustion.

The sunrise of the next day brings the pain he hadn’t felt under the mental fog of the other drugs. He curses Tobias Hankle and hates himself as he fists the sheets in his hands and shakes his head. Turning away their offers. Thankful he doesn’t have to explain how life has left him here chewed up and spit out and deprived of the drugs that would soothe this pain. Derek tries to help but Spencer doesn’t care that it’s not technically a relapse and no one would blink an eye if wanted something, hell anything but he shuts his eyes and refuses.

He’ll be fine.

The pain… After a while, he struggles to keep his cool. Penelope comes up early and wipes sweat from his brow where it’s accumulated in his strain. He tries to keep silent, answer her questions as nicely as he can so that he doesn’t say something mean. He hates the way that the words come out of his mouth. The way he takes his pain out on everyone else around him.

He just wants to know how Hotch is and after a while of their brief answers and shrugging, half-assed mumbles he can’t take it. Secluded to this bed, having no say in anything happening to him, all he has is time to get lost in his head. Which is okay for a while, he can think about books to take his mind away from the pain but that does get boring quickly. Daytime television is ass and he’s not nearly tired enough for a nap.

“How’s Hotch?” he asks knowing already what they’re going to tell him. Never direct answers because he suspects they’re trying to protect him but it’s really because they don’t know. They’re afraid to really know. He would be afraid too if he could see but he can’t see and he can’t know and he’s really, really fed up with it.

JJ shrugs. “He’s just--” she crosses her arms over her chest, shaking her head. Guarding herself. “You have to be careful around him,” she mumbles. That’s all that any of them seem to be able to agree on. This careful that they all seem to ache with. The way that they can’t even look him in the eyes to say it. Even Penelope, she looks down and tears glisten in her eyes and there’s that word again: careful.

And he mistakes JJ to mean that he has to be careful around Hotch. That they’re saying that he is at risk of setting Hotch off and it’s childish and a simple misunderstanding but it drives him crazy. Of all of them, they’re worried about him? He and Penelope are the only people who don’t go out of their way to piss Hotch off. Derek yells at him all the time, the two of them never get along. Hotch has known Spencer twice as long as he’s known Emily and Hotch hated her for the first year she was on the team.

But he needs to be careful? As if they aren’t torches lighting him ablaze.

So, he goes to see for himself.

It’s late and he’s working with a small time frame. Needs to wait for Dave to head home after dinner but before Emily can come to sit with him for the night. It’s about twenty minutes, he knows only because Derek aired the concern two days ago. Was afraid of what could happen in that amount of time but Dave had won out and the twenty minutes remained. Hotch needs a break from them and he likes the twenty minutes, so they’ll give him that.

So, twenty minutes it is.

The moving makes him tremble, the pain nearly overwhelming but he’s got a plan and he needs to move. Needs to do it fast.

He doesn’t know where Hotch’s room is but he knows it’s on the second floor. He’d heard JJ and Emily talking about Hotch getting moved from the intensive care unit to a general floor but not one like Spencer’s. Someplace still close to the nurses who often need to get to him quickly. Emily had dropped that it was the second floor, twisting her fingers anxiously in her hands. She hadn’t liked the idea of the move but it wasn’t up to her.

So Spencer makes his slow way down the hall of the second floor. His bracelet and crutches get him far, it just looks like he’s been sent by another floor’s nurse to get some exercise in. That and he’s aware that his overgrown hair and thin body makes him look younger, innocent so he gets smiles and the occasional wave and one says anything.

Finding Hotch is harder than he’d thought it would be but he finds the room. A giant stuffed bear sitting in the windowsill-- the same one, if not smaller he notes with a jealous frown, Garcia brought him. Stepping into the room he’s not sure what he’s expecting to find but it’s not this. Careful, they’d said, and he’d thought of Hotch’s performative anger. The way he sends paper flying through the air. Thought of the way Hotch had fussed with him over the years for his dangerous stunts.

Careful and he’d assumed Hotch would be hardened. Guarded.

He’d never thought careful could be mean weak.

There’s a walker sitting by the bed, discarded Spencer knows when he realizes that the wheelchair is physically closer to Hotch. That the tiny amount of space between the chair Hotch sleeps in now and the bed was too great a distance. Even though it’s no more three feet, no more than a step or two.

He’s paler than Spencer has ever seen him, held up by pillows, and breathing heavily even with the aid of the oxygen canal sneaking under his nose. Entirely limp, lifeless with his head turned into the raised side of the chair. To his left is the dinner he’d left nearly untouched, unable to stomach even a bite of unseasoned chicken or the steamed carrots that should have been easy on his stomach. He’d had a few sips of apple juice and fallen asleep, exhausted from just being moved from the bed.

Spencer stands there so frozen that he’s glad Hotch is asleep. He can’t imagine the ways in which he’d hurt his boss if he were awake to see the emotion in Spencer’s eyes. To see the tears and sympathy as his eyes move over Hotch’s chest. Taking in the dots of blood on his chest, the gown pulled down to show far too much. To see the staples peaking through where the gauze isn’t thick enough. That he’s being held together like a broken doll and he looks their measures just aren’t enough. He’s broken beyond compare.

“Reid.”

He jumps and turns to see Emily standing outside the door and he wonders just how long he’s been standing there. He steps out into the hall, flinching at the grip she has on his elbow as she steps close to him. There’s something about her eyes, the sneer he hasn’t yet heard in her voice. He’s afraid of her and she wants him to be. “Don’t let him see you looking at him like that,” she warns but it’s not the way you reprimand a misguided child. She’s pulling his hand from a red hot burner and she means to scare him. “Do you understand me? Do you think that’s what he needs right now? Seeing you look at him like that?”

She releases him and he resists the urge to rub where her fingers dug in. Only then does she soften, just a little, and sigh with a shake of her head at him. “Pull yourself together,” she mumbles, brushing past him to step into the room. “Don’t come in here unless you can handle it.” He sees her pain now, the way she looks at the floor. “He needs you to be strong, Spence. It’s not easy but he can’t do it right now.” She pulls in a deep breath, “I’ll tell him you came by--”

He shakes his head, “no, no I--”

She stops him, “please? Take tonight. Feel. Let it sink in and come back in the morning. He’ll… he’s better in the morning.” But her tone makes him think that’s probably not true.

He watches her go into the room, watching from where he’s hidden as she walks up to Hotch. Cherishing a soft moment while he sleeps to press a kiss to his temple and wake him, gently like she’s sorry. They exchange soft words, Hotch’s too slurred for him to make out but Emily’s clear and kind. She’s walking him through the last few days, reminding him until he can nod and fill in the pieces himself.

He turns away when he sees Emily preparing to get him up and he realizes that he really isn’t strong enough for this. She was right and he can’t imagine… he doesn’t want to even think about Hotch right now.

Curiosity killed the cat and now he's dragging his sore ass back to his room. Left to sit on the image of the man who's always protected, the man who never leaves slumped and hurting because he can't stomach it. He's too weak.

Spencer's always too weak.

What does that say about him? That he can't think of a single time Hotch left him alone in the hospital, no matter his condition, but when Hotch needs him...

#criminal minds #spencer reid #aaron hotchner

[gumnut-logic]

Nutty tired, so you get random sleepy fic. Doesn’t do much, doesn’t go anywhere much, mostly exhausted fluff.

Many thanks to @scribbles97 for the reading and support :D

I think I’ll crawl into bed now...I is soooo tired.

-o-o-o-

Virgil yawned.

The rock was hard under his butt and the damn wind was cold, but he was determined to sit it out.

“Go to bed, Virgil.”

“No.”

Scott sat beside him, leg propped up, yawning just as much as he. Both of them were rugged up in ways they had almost forgotten how to since moving to a tropical island.

“You haven’t had a decent sleep in two nights. You don’t have to stay.”

“I’m fine.” That statement was ruined by another yawn, but Virgil chose to ignore it.

“Your health is important.”

Virgil snorted at the hypocrisy. Scott had come down on crutches for crying out loud. “I’m staying.”

“Until we have to lug your sleeping butt back into the cabin.”

“I’m awake.”

“I give you ten minutes.”

“Shut up, Scott.”

His brother grunted at him, but Virgil didn’t miss the concerned frown Scott shot in his direction.

Every muscle wanted to relax, wanted to curl up on the sand. But it was cold. The tiny flicker of the campfire had been minimised to cut down on light pollution. On the other side of their campsite, John and Alan were huddled over one of the elder astronaut’s prize telescopes. The contented mutter had numbers and calculations embedded in it. Alan was literally bouncing beside his brother.

This was important to them all.

Virgil was just exhausted.

Gordon, who had been out with him on every single rescue had already succumbed and was curled up not far from the fire, a rug wrapped around him. The younger operative had dragged sixteen crew members off a trawler earlier in the day. Virgil had tried to convince him to stay in the cabin, but he was as stubborn as any of them.

Sleep over took him after dinner and shut him down.

Virgil yawned again.

“Please, Virg.”

“‘M fine.”

“Gordon said the same thing.”

“Gordon did more work.”

“Bullshit.”

Virgil blinked, glanced at his big brother and decided to ignore that. 

The beach was a wide one and the gentle surf was lost in the darkness beyond the pitiful light of the fire. The wind was strong enough to reach through his clothes and suck the heat from him, but if he was honest, it was the only thing keeping him awake.

Letting his shoulders drop, he tightened his grip on the coat he had pulled around him.

They could have done this on Five. It was warm up there. But it wouldn’t have been the same.

It had been thirty-four years since that comet had been spotted on this very beach by their parents and they were not going to miss the opportunity to see it for the first time since then.

It was named after their mother, after all.

The fact it had been Alan who had flown them out here this evening because their two senior pilots were pretty much incapacitated was annoying, but necessary.

The cabin was theirs. Dad had purchased it the moment it came on the market. Hell, Virgil was pretty sure their Dad waved cash in front of the owners until they agreed to put it up for sale.

It was a special spot.

The campfire flickered hypnotically.

“We’ve found it.” John’s voice was quiet in deference to Gordon’s snoring slumber, but his face was lit up with excitement.

Virgil pushed himself to his feet, leaning over to help his big brother stand up on the sand, one arm under his elbow as Scott glared at him in the dark.

It was only a broken ankle from jumping off a height that was just a little too high, but the sight of his big brother landing on his ‘bird at an awkward angle and nearly falling off had been heart stopping.

Fishing him off Thunderbird One had not been fun and Scott had not been happy.

But he was safe. Grounded and grumpy as all hell, but safe.

Virgil held him a touch tighter and Scott frowned at him again.

“Lean on me.”

“I have crutches.”

“Not on the sand and not in the dark.”

That earned him a grunt, but Scott didn’t pull away and Virgil took that as permission to manhandle his brother over to the telescope.

Alan was bouncing even more, his expression almost a light source in its enthusiasm. “We found it and it’s beautiful.”

Virgil blinked as that simple statement unexpectedly stirred long ignored emotion in his tired brain. His mother had always been important to him and despite the fact Alan was referring to a ball of rock and ice hurtling through the cosmos, it also meant more.

So much more.

John was fiddling with the telescope, muttering to Eos unconsciously. Virgil vaguely wondered how much talking occurred when his brother was up on Five. Eos was obviously a comfort to an isolated John.

And god, Virgil’s heart lurched at that as well.

So goddamned tired he was tearing up at the drop of a hat.

Maybe he should go to bed before he made an embarrassment of himself.

“Virg?” Alan was staring at him.

Of course, that prompted the grumpy pilot in his hands to stare at him as well.

For the love of-!

“John?” Distraction was the key.

“One moment, Virgil.”

Hmm, distracted was also a description of his space brother.

But John only fiddled for that moment longer and suddenly a beam shot out of the telescope and a hologram materialised in front of them.

Stars. Bright little pin points of light flickered into existence. They surrounded a single streak of light.

Virgil let out a breath that was more a sigh than anything else.

“Comet Lucy 2029.” John’s voice was somber. “Discovered by Jeff Tracy, amateur astronomer on this beach in August 2029.” A pause. “Thirty-four years ago today.”

Virgil swallowed. They all knew the story, but the only one of them who had been alive at the time was Scott and he had been a baby.

There was silence for a moment as they all stared at the smudge of light projected at them from the heavens.

Gordon snorted in his sleep.

Space was far too silent.

“Thank you, John.” Scott’s voice was quiet, reverent.

Virgil let his head drop to his big brother’s shoulder. So goddamned tired the hologram blurred.

A blink and he found himself wrapped in Scott’s arms. “Virgil, you are going to bed.” There was no arguing with that tone. “You’ve seen it. Now bed.”

Virgil grunted, closing his eyes for just a second.

They were so, so hard to open again.

Scott said something and there were more hands grabbing at him. “‘M fine.”

“Yeah, sure, bro.” Alan’s voice was mocking as he dragged one of Virgil’s arms over his shoulder and pulled him away from Scott.

“Hey, gotta help Scott.” 

But Alan’s grip was surprisingly strong. “John has Scott under control. You need bed, bro.”

“Wanted to see Mom.” His brain to mouth filter was obviously shot because he hadn’t wanted to admit that.

“You’ve seen her. Now rest.” And suddenly they were inside and the lack of the biting wind was such a relief, he nearly melted on the spot.

“Sorry.”

He was rolled onto a soft bed with a grunt from Alan and a mutter involving Virgil eating less food. He had no energy to care and curled up into a ball as a blanket was thrown over him.

But...“Need to help Scott.”

“Scott is fine. You go to sleep or I’ll sic Grandma on you.”

“G’dma not here.” The bed was so, so soft and warm.

“Since when would that stop her?”

A brief flicker of fear, but Virgil was too tired to care.

“Go to sleep, bro.” Fingers touched his hair.

But Virgil was already gone.

-o-o-o-

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds fanfiction #thunderbirds #Virgil Tracy #Scott Tracy

[stormra]

For Osomatsu-san: How would the brothers treat their S/O, who’s a popular musician but has to travel around all the time (tours, concerts, etc)? Would they come with their S/O? Or stay and support them from afar because they don’t want to get in their way?

❝ 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐨 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐩𝐨𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐒/𝐎

— type : headcanons

— characters : the matsuno brothers

     

𝙊𝙎𝙊𝙈𝘼𝙏𝙎𝙐  : 

❧     While he’d support you and love you unconditionally regardless of what you want from him, he’d definitely want to leech off of your successes. You can expect him to instantly say yes upon being asked to travel with you. Staying home wouldn’t even be a consideration for an array of arguably stupid reasons that read as follows:

❧     “It’s no big deal! What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine, baby~”

❧     However, if you’re into being a less-official version of a sugar Mommy/Daddy/Parent, you might not care about him tagging along and using you for your money/fame. At least he loves you? Just look at it that way! Osomatsu isn’t all that bad.

❧     Sure, he’s greedy, but he’s not extremely selfish. He’d recognize that you have feelings that deserve to be acknowledged. Besides, we all know he doesn’t think very highly of himself in the first place. 

❧     He’d love to listen to you play/sing for him and would often go out of his way to watch you perform. While he might not know much about music, he’d value your dedication, as he has exactly 0 ounces of that mystical concept. Knowing that the people he loves are successful is euphoric.

❧     If you show him off to the public or so much as walk around with him in public, expect him to die. He wouldn’t be focused on suddenly gaining fame and popularity like some others would. Instead, he’d be stuck on the fact that you, a popular musician, chose to show the world that you belong to him and that he belongs to you... just a lowly NEET dating someone exponentially more successful. Something about that would warm his heart and make him feel valued for once.

❧     Did someone say he’d finally accept his identity? He’s constantly having internal crises. Your presence would only solidify his existence.

❧     While he wouldn’t be much of a comforting boyfriend, he’d pose as a great distraction. The celebrity life can get rather tiresome; Osomatsu would recognize this without a problem. Instead of coddling or comforting you, he’d use his childish nature to distract you from the stresses of the music industry, influencing you to take breaks and lazy days with him.

❧     He’d constantly ask to be in any sort of photo shoots you may have. He just wants to pose in funny positions with you! 

𝙆𝘼𝙍𝘼𝙈𝘼𝙏𝙎𝙐 :

❧     While Karamatsu wouldn’t exactly want to stay home in order to keep himself from making things harder for you, he’d do so if you asked or made it clear that you’d prefer such an option. If you’d expect him to ask, no. He’s far too polite to do that. 

❧     It’s important to note that he considers himself to be a bit of a musician as well. Therefore, he’d be even more compelled to go with you, but, again, he’d never ask. You’d have to ask him and express a trillion times that you actually want him to tag along. 

❧     This might sound like a stretch, but that grandiose act he loves so much? It would disappear rapidly with the knowledge that so many people could learn of his existence just by dating you. Without even being the celebrity in the relationship, he’d crack under pressure, reverting back into the timid, people-pleasing man he truly is. Get ready to have some fun teasing him and/or helping him establish true confidence. 

❧     Expect a lot of praise to fall from his lips. He would admire your successes without being overbearing. In fact, you’d inspire him. A lot. You can also expect a lot of his own songs to center around your success and beauty.

❧     Honestly? Give him musical advice! He’d accept it wholeheartedly; especially if it comes from someone like you. Your career would influence him to grow and learn from his mistakes in the field. You might have a model singer as a boyfriend before the end of the tour! While giving him critique, be sure to praise him just as much. He loves you endlessly, but lots of critique with little praise will leave him feeling a bit insecure. However, I’m sure you know this, as this aspect of his character is far from unnoticeable. Be gentle with him. He deserves it!

❧     If you imagine playing/singing duets with him, you’re on the right track. He’d love to sing for you and hear you sing with him in return. The same can be said for any instrument you may happen to play. He’d eat it right up! You’re his everything, after all.

❧     Will wear your merch—especially merch with your face on it. Please wear his tank top with his face out of respect.

𝘾𝙃𝙊𝙍𝙈𝘼𝙏𝙎𝙐 :

❧      Although some would assume he’d want to stay home for your sake, as he calls himself the most “responsible” brother, I know it wouldn’t be anything like that. Have you seen the way he acts around Nyaa-chan? This guy would ask you daily, disguising his motives with innocent claims. He’s a tricky bastard who should never be underestimated.

❧     “I only want to make sure everything goes smoothly for you!”

❧     “Don’t you need an assistant? Emotional support?”

❧     “If you don’t want me to come, I understand, but I think this could be a learning experience for the both of us!”

❧     While he would be more than willing to be your crutch and sense of normalcy, for he isn’t heartless, we all know he has a weird thing for idols and that would primarily spawn his desire to travel on tour with you. It doesn’t matter if you’re nothing like the idol he praises. You’re close enough and that’s undeniably attractive to him. 

❧     The fact that he’s even dating a musician is enough to scare him. Can you imagine how he’d act traveling with one? Pushy and controlling, you’d hardly catch a break, as he’d be riding your ass to get things done and to take care of yourself. If you like that sort of thing, good for you. If you don’t, then you’d need to talk to him about it. Although executed with good intentions, his overbearingness can be... well, overbearing. 

❧     Please keep him humble. As we know his ego is the size of the sun, he’d willingly or unwillingly use your existence as his partner to set himself apart from his brothers. Again, we know he already thinks very highly of himself, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he started using your relationship as a boost to get ahead of his “worthless” siblings. 

❧     “I’m dating a musician and you five can’t even get jobs!” 

❧     However, he’d never you to show him off to the public.

❧     On a more wholesome note, as I feel bad for giving him mostly negative headcanons, his doting-ness would be welcomed as well as detested. On your bad days, he’d be there to comfort you and offer objective solutions. Albeit uncharismatic, he’s rather skilled at speaking and getting his words across when they need to be conveyed properly.

❧     He buys all of your merch and wears the shirts everywhere. Really. 

𝙄𝘾𝙃𝙄𝙈𝘼𝙏𝙎𝙐 :

❧     It would take a lot of convincing on your behalf if you desperately want this man to travel with you.

❧     The threat of exposing himself to the public is a deep-rooted fear that keeps him from doing simple things within his mundane life—so one can only imagine the stress that would sit on his shoulders in an environment such as the celebrity one. He’d constantly find himself within ruts and deep pits, trying to stay out of the spotlight. 

❧     In that case, he’d be staying home. Let him stay home. However, the problems wouldn’t end there, so you best be on your toes.

❧     Jealousy can overrun the best of us. Ichimatsu couldn’t stomach the idea of going with you in the first place, but that wouldn’t stop the intrusive thoughts telling him that you’d end up leaving him for another musician who is leagues more talented and better looking. This obviously wouldn’t be your fault; he’s always been disgustingly insecure. A lot of communication would need to be reached: such as phone calls and texts. Although he wouldn’t be clingy, he’d need some frequent reassurance that you, in fact, love him. Praise him for being so sweet for you. Call him handsome as you FaceTime. Hell, write a short song for him. 

❧     On another note, you as a musician would literally be his northern star. As a man so shrouded in negativity, seeing you, a person who can communicate feelings through fingers or a voice, shining like the sun whilst on a stage surrounded by thousands, would leave his soul feeling all light and fuzzy. The mere thought that his partner is someone so ethereal would bring him some form of internal peace.

❧     He’d listen to your music every night. It’s how he’d fall asleep. 

❧     Surprisingly, he’d be the best at comforting you and helping you stay grounded. He knows what it feels like to feel hopeless. 

❧     Sing him to sleep over the phone! If you play an instrument, play for him! Oddly enough, he’d have one of the most prominent adorations for your musical skill out of his brothers. Something about it just warms his heart. You’d impress him to no end and inspire him to try and do something with his life. 

❧     He’d name one of his cats after a song of yours! 

𝙅𝙔𝙐𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙈𝘼𝙏𝙎𝙐 :

❧     Undoubtedly, he’d be the most eager to travel out of his brothers. He’d ask you daily, jumping up and down like a hyper puppy. He’d hardly have a reason as to why he’d like to go, but something about it would forever and always appeal to him for some unspoken reason. He might just crave adventure and some excitement. 

❧     Are we really surprised?

❧     Identical to a dog, he’d beg. He’d ask with various bone-crushing hugs and weird stares that are hard to deny. He’s not exactly the brightest, but he’s cute and knows it. No, he’s not manipulative, but if he wants to go, he’ll sure try his best to convince you to take him with you. 

❧     He compares you to Karamatsu a lot. In good ways, of course. 

❧     Upon letting him travel with you, he’d be one of the best distractions on a bad day. Of course you can’t silence discomfort by just “being happy”, but Jyushimatsu sure likes to make you laugh even on your darkest days. He’d be a great listener that lets you spill all of your darkest worries as an artist. He wouldn’t give the best advice, but his presence would be an award in it of itself. Like Osomatsu, his childish nature is a breath of fresh air. He’d also be remarkably skilled at reading how you feel. 

❧     Undoubtedly the loudest supporter at your performances. Will go out of his way to make sure his voice is the one you hear screaming over a sea of thousands. Also, I can’t promise he won’t tackle-hug you after performances, let that be offstage or onstage. Be ready! 

❧     He’d love wearing your merch—specifically oversized t-shirts with your face on them! Much like Karamatsu, he thinks that’s all sorts of romantic and cute. He could care less about being viewed as weird. 

❧     There’s no way you can keep Jyushimatsu out of the public eye. He loves you and he loves having fun! The poor guy would probably have a hard time understanding why he shouldn’t tackle you in front of your fans. Your best bet is to establish some boundaries and come to a conclusion that works best. If I’m being honest, he’d be a harmless public partner. He’s just all smiles and laughter... mostly. (:

𝙏𝙊𝘿𝙊𝙈𝘼𝙏𝙎𝙐 :

❧     Ultimately, this little bastard is hard to read. He can either be the sweetest man to ever grace the Earth or the most devilish and selfish.

❧     He’d tell you he doesn’t need to go on tour with you, but the answer he’s looking for is a yes. He enjoys playing “hard to get” and wants to come off as responsible and kind. Much like Choromatsu, he knows how to play his social cards and will do what he can to seem like a perfectly indecisive partner who is “totally okay with whatever you want.” That’s a lie. If you wouldn’t allow him to travel with you, he’d try to give you reasons as to why you should let him go. He’s complicated and I won’t sugarcoat that. You’ll find that I try to be realistic with these heavily romanticized NEETs. 

❧     Regardless, if and when he goes on tour with you, except to have yet another mini assistant. He’d always try to offer fashion tips and elements of which you should include in your songs to appeal to the public. Although a NEET, he’d have a strong idea of what the fans are looking for and what you could do to be more appealing. However, he’d understand if you’d like to keep up with your own thing and stray from conforming. He’d be fine with whatever you want, but that wouldn’t stop his opinions and tips. Maybe he should become a musician. 

❧     He’d get fussy over not having enough of your attention. His degree of fussiness wouldn’t become overbearing, but it’s always important to acknowledge the feelings of your partners to reach a conclusion. Remind him that you love him and he’ll eventually come around. 

❧     Easily the best advice-giver. Can both solve your problems or be the shoulder you cry on. He’d be fantastic at helping you through the trials and tribulations that come from being a musician. While he might seem apathetic, he really isn’t and understands just how pressuring expectations can be. This star of hope has seen some things.

❧     Although it may seem easy to assume he’d only be there for the fame, that wouldn’t be his only motivator. He’d truly want to see his beloved grow beyond others. His confidence will skyrocket whilst on tour with you.

❧     He’d design most of your merch: very minimalist designs that fit in with almost all aesthetics. When all is said and done, he’d wear the clothes with pride. What a dork.

❧     Likes to post pictures of you with him on his social medias. 

#headcanons #headcanon #osomatsu san #ososan #osomatsu san headcanons #ososan headcanons #osomatsu #karamatsu #choromatsu #ichimatsu #jyushimatsu #todomatsu #osomatsu san content

[tundrainafrica]

Title: A Tale of Two Slaves (8/17)

Summary:  “Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn’t exist. Everything is a choice.” At that moment, Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him.“

Reincarnation AU. Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn’t.

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Link to cross-postings: AO3

It was late enough in the morning an hour or so before lunch.

For most people it was a godly hour, not too early in the morning for most to still be shaking off sleepiness, not too late to be nap time for many others. The Levi of long ago would have been running from class to class or doing some extra training alone. Maybe he would have been going through timelines on social media.

Ironically though even with nothing much to occupy himself with, Levi was exhausted.

Possibly because in his dreams, he was constantly at war. Some experiences he remembered clear as day. Others were tethered to memory by a single scent. The captain in his dreams though was always fighting or he was at least constantly on his toes, ready to escape or kill when needed.

Maybe that was partially the reason Levi found himself more than ready to collapse onto the cot in Erwin’s clinic that Saturday morning with Hange in tow. Maybe that’s why he had found himself struggling to keep a grip on reality as Erwin and Hange exchanged greetings and updates.

Erwin and Hange had done all the work testing the stiffness and his bum knee through exercises. With the pain still fresh and violent with the right prodding, Levi opted not to look and attempted to occupy himself with anything else. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to fall into a trance and let the soldier inside him take over.

The voices were all too familiar for the captain. When he drowned out the words, the jargon, he was able to focus on the serious tones, the unchanging timbre in each of their voices. Erwin's voice exuded authority, seriousness and a dash of mischief. Hange's voice complemented his, constantly wondering, constantly enthusing, occasional peppering her tone with seriousness and possibly desperation.

Of course, she's begging for Erwin's permission to start another research project.

That's how it has always been since he joined the survey corps.

Survey Corps. That was the military legion the captain was part of. Their job was to journey outside the walls and kill titans. In his dreams, when he was outside the walls, he was either on horseback or flying. When he was within the walls, indoors in some office, he was hearing those voices. Hange was constantly pushing some research agenda and Erwin was always discussing limitations to budgets, logistics and expedition plans. Levi would usually just lean on the side of the wall and listen. Just hearing their voices was enough.

Even faced with his reality, Levi had to agree, hearing those same voices from his dreams was comforting, comforting enough to forget the burning and occasionally sharp pain in his knee that had dulled with rest.

A hand on his shoulder was what pulled him completely out of his trance. “How are you feeling?”

Levi opened his eyes on instinct as that one hand helped him up to a sitting position.

"The surgical wounds are healing at least." Erwin continued as he looked at Levi expectantly.

Levi hadn’t said anything at all but social conventions were the last thing on his mind then. He was completely back in his reality, he was processing everything from the natural light streaming from outside the wide window to the sound of the muffled sounds of the sheets under him as he was helped into a more comfortable position. Yet at the same time, Erwin talking directly at him, tapping him on the soldier and making eye contact with him had Levi grappling between his dreams and his reality once again.

In his dreams, Erwin had died. He wasn’t a doctor. He was the commander of an army. In fact, the first thing Levi had thought of when he locked eyes with him were the orders that had sent hundreds to their deaths.

“Are you feeling okay?”

Are you okay? Levi ended up asking himself. Something inside him was raring to get out but he had no idea what it was. The fear of the unknown had spurred him pushing it back down within him and that effort had made his head spin and left him with a nauseating feeling that only climbed up his throat.

“Levi? Hey...” That time it was Hange shaking him. “Erwin, it’s just been a week. Maybe we shouldn’t expect too much...” Her tone seemed more uncertain than it had been a minute ago.

Levi could only watch, unable to move as Hange gave Erwin a side glance. There was a flash of panic in her eyes then guilt. Hey. I’m sorry. She had given him that same forced smile so many times before.

It’s not your fault. He would’ve wanted to say. All they needed was some sort of proof that he was still there and Levi dug for that impulse inside him, something to get him to move, despite that unfamiliar energy raring to break out of him.

He had found within himself enough energy to clear his throat and nod. That was enough at least for Hange to drop her shoulders and let out a small sigh which he hoped was relief..

"Erwin, were the sacrifices worth it?"

Levi only realized it a second later, only when Erwin widened his eyes and raised one eyebrow in question. By then it was too late, the words were out of his mouth.

“By sacrifice, you mean the surgery? I told you before. We won’t know if the risk was worth taking until late in the recovery.”

That wasn’t the answer Levi was looking for. By the time, he had made sense of it all though, that odd feeling had fallen back into him and Levi wondered why he even said it all.

                                    A Tale of Two Slaves

“Commander Erwin Smith huh? How can there be two commanders at the same time?”

Levi had eventually gotten over Hange looking over his shoulder as he typed. As time went by, he ended up craving the warmth, the human contact and the companionship that came with her. And maybe that odd nagging feeling inside him that was so tenaciously reminding him not to take any of them for granted.

Stupid. What the fuck did I just ask? That had been his first thought as he left Erwin’s clinic. The whole trek back home, he had remained silent, forcing himself to at least get a little distracted by the physical exertion which came with a ten minute walk to Hange’s apartment in crutches.

If Hange hadn’t insisted they take the elevator, he probably would have attempted to climb the stairs as well. Just to give him something to do while his brain nagged in the background, possibly scolding him for his impulsiveness and his weak constitution.

He had over distracted himself though. He only realized as he settled into the sofa bed after a long and painful shower, laptop open next to him, that he had no idea in particular what he had put himself through all the pains for.

What was that strong nagging feeling he had so desperately wanted to distract himself from? He had so easily clocked it to embarrassment. As he stared at the document on his laptop and looked through the name Erwin Smith, as he put his dreams together and the trance that came with his meeting with Erwin only that afternoon, he realized that those nagging feelings were the extra details to fill in the gaps between those dreams.

That spark of nostalgia, inspiration or whatever positive emotion Levi clocked it to that day, had him typing faster than he had ever typed before. Even he was taken aback by his ability to type that fast.

It turned out Hange was a little surprised too and that’s exactly what had her looking over his shoulder too excitedly asking about the two commanders.

“Erwin died…” Those words caught at Levi’s throat. He quickly cleared it up. “But he made you the next commander.” He had attempted to clear his throat but by the surprised look Hange had given him, Levi guessed that he didn’t look too happy either. He didn’t feel good. The nagging feeling of a while ago that he had let loose in his mind had him writing. It also had him choking on something for a moment and soon after, it had numb to the core. As Levi reflected a little more on those sensations, he comprehend that possibly, he was mourning Erwin's death.

But Erwin’s alive. Levi had to remind himself. Words did little though to quell the strong wave of emotions that faded to nothing within moments.

“Is that why you were... like that a while ago?” Hange asked, her voice suddenly much softer.

“Maybe…” Levi trailed off, using that extra few seconds of silence to dig at his thoughts while he wrote. Back then he had been grappling with two worlds, figuring out what was real or not. His body had frozen at the chaos and in that peace that followed, Levi had let something else take over. But he wasn’t going to tell her that.

“That bothered me…”

“I know. I'm sorry about how I was acting back in Erwin’s clinic,” Levi said, not looking up from his laptop. “I was feeling... a lot of things.”

“I don’t blame you. The results of the tests weren’t good either.”

Levi stopped typing mid word. That confirmation from Hange was all he needed to recall a little more and to make sense of that background noise back in Erwin’s clinic. He felt his heart drop. If it were any other day maybe he would have let out a tear for the life he had lost, the opportunity to run, jump and fly like he had used to.

There were more pressing things occupying his mind though, like his attempts to make sense of the dreams. His dreams came in snapshots and since he started attempting to write them out, Levi would record it scene by scene. As he scrolled through the document, scanning everything he had written, he started to realize there was so much he still didn’t know. The in-betweens that all culminated into that one scene in the woods.

That one scene with Commander Hanji and that one passing suggestion to run away together. That was the one dream he had remembered more than others and it had repeated itself to him more than once, more often since he had met Hange. More recently, Erwin had come up as a subject of his dreams. With the circumstances in his dreams and the knowledge that had been handed to him from Captain Levi then, he was able to deduce at least that Erwin had come before Hange.

"I don't even know if I'm doing everything correctly,” Levi muttered. If he had attempted to enunciate his thoughts any more clearly, he probably would have shown more emotion than necessary and refused to take that risk.

Hange had wanted to talk about his injury. He could see it in her face, she was building up to something, finding the right words and it looked like that mental preparation was hurting her in the process.

To the point that Levi felt like he was doing her a favor when he pushed the laptop screen at her. “There are more important things I want to think about other than my bum knee,” he said. That comment was at least enough to pull Hange out of wormhole of guilt she had been constantly throwing herself into since Levi had gotten injured. “Like this.” Levi gestured at the document displayed on the screen of his laptop. “Tell me about Erwin. Maybe if you told me more about him I could fill in the gaps here.”

“It’s your check up Levi. You should know the results..”

“Even if the results of those tests were good, this season is out of the question, just like Erwin said. And this is my last season anyway so it won’t make a difference. I would have graduated and found a job and never jumped again.”

Never jumped again. Hange’s face at hearing those last three words was both surprised and crestfallen. Eventually, she had dropped her shoulders and looked back at the screen next to him. “Okay fine--”

“Tell me about Erwin first.,” Levi said, keeping his tone deadpan. What do you know about him?”

“He’s an orthopedics doctor, started off in Paradis hospital… Then he took further studies abroad then now he teaches but I think you got that---”

“I got all those parts online,” Levi said. In fact, he had spent a good amount of time that morning going through whatever articles he could find on Doctor Erwin Smith that morning, a desperate attempt to make sense of that dream. Doctor Erwin Smith was a doctor and was well known in his field from what Levi could tell. He had authored multiple scientific journals that were locked behind paywalls. The abstracts that he was able to access were too cold, too scientific and too technical to give him a hint to who Erwin Smith could have been.

He wanted interviews, maybe a personal blog to get an idea of who Erwin was beyond his medical achievements. As Levi slogged through hours worth of links that morning, he started to realize there were limits to what the internet could offer. He had two options, he could ask Erwin himself or he could ask Hange what she knew.

And the latter seemed more accessible at that moment. “What is Erwin like? As a thesis advisor.” Levi asked. His fingers were poised, ready to write. Somehow, he knew as he watched Hange looked up at the ceiling in thought that with just a few words from her, he would have something to write, something to fill up the gaps to make sense of that sacrificial charge, his assault on the beast titan and the gut wrenching feeling that had him almost throwing up as the rocks met their target.

“Yeah, now that I think about it, I did choose to work under Erwin for his personality.” Hange looked back at Levi. “Dr. Erwin Smith is pretty well known in his field for a reason. Orthopedics is a pretty complex field and there are no straight cut procedures on how to deal with most injuries since we have to take into account nerves, blood vessels, muscle death, compartment syndrome…”

“So?” Levi pressed. He limited himself to one word. With just one word, it would least be easy to control whatever exasperation was rating to come out. It was just like Hange to expound on details before answering the question. Most days he wouldn’t have minded. At that moment in particular, he was just a little more impatient.

“Erwin is more successful when dealing with more difficult injuries because he likes to take calculated risks, most doctors wouldn’t want to risk their licenses or their patient’s welfare over. As a doctor, he approaches injuries and new cases as means of building knowledge and that’s why he publishes a lot more than others...”

Levi’s blood ran cold and he found himself unable to type. His attention had completely shifted towards Hange.

“And that’s why I picked him I guess. He approached research and the pursuit of truth a little more differently than most other doctors I could have worked with. You could say, maybe we approach research similarly?”

                                        A Tale of Two Slaves

The Tuesday after his check up, Levi found himself once again on the couch in Shela’s office. The development into actually settling on the couch and letting the words flow was smooth, much smoother than when they had first met. Shela was there waiting on the office, clipboard in hand. And Levi knew by the way she had gestured towards the couch that he could take up any position he found most comfortable given his injured knee.

She had gone through the common pleasantries.

How are your studies?

His teachers had allowed him to submit the rest of his assignments at home. His classmates had still been sending lecture slides and notes. Levi was sure he could have made the trek to school everyday. Hange had even offered to pay the fare if he needed a taxi to get there, citing the commute to be a not too handicap friendly. He only had three classes and all the teachers had at least been sympathetic about his career breaking injury. As long as he submitted what they needed him to submit, he would pass. And Levi was not going to hesitate to accept that kindness on their end.

How was the weekend?

His weekend was eventful. He had gone out for that one check up that Saturday had had spent the rest of the weekend either studying or writing out his dreams. Hange had spent that Sunday writing her thesis while checking on him a good 10% of the time and on Monday she had gone to school leaving Levi alone in the apartment.

By Monday, his document was teeming with information on Erwin, some he could have sworn were correct while others he could have attributed to a deduction. Somehow, he was a little proud that he had done the homework she had asked of him.

How are you feeling?

“Did you write something down?”

That was until she asked him, looking at him expectantly as he scrolled through his laptop at the document. She probably wanted his feelings, his thoughts. Not some drug-induced daydream he had come upon over a little depression episode. By the time he realized how ridiculous his answer to her homework had been, it was too late. He had given her enough signs to think that the open document on his laptop was his ‘homework’, the gateway to his mind, the attempt at an articulation of his thoughts.

As she read, she kept her face unreadable and her succeeding actions unpredictable. Levi mentally braced himself for a shut down, a comment that would probably leave him resisting the impulse to delete whatever he wrote. He could have been watching her unmoving expression for hours.

Eventually, her mouth turned up into a smile. “This is a good start.”

“It’s… a story I’ve been working on,” Levi said.

“And it looks like a self insert…”

Levi felt the blood rush through his cheeks. “Yes. It is.” There was no point in embellishing what it could have been to the normal reader.

“And it looks like you got Doctor Erwin and Hange here too.”

Of course she would know Erwin. He was the one who referred him to her after all. “Yeah, I’ve been staying with Hange so I have been seeing her a lot.” Levi continued, in an attempt to justify their large presence in his story without sounding like a complete stalker.

“I know, Erwin told me you were staying with Hange.”

“You’ve met her?”

“Erwin introduced her to me when we were still discussing the sessions. She asks about you.”

That cleared up at least some of his question. He was at least aware then that she kept a correspondence with Hange.

“And what did you tell her?”

Shela shrugged. “There’s nothing much to say yet. I think at this rate, she probably knows more about the state of your mental health than I do. This is just our second session after all.”

“She knows about these stories too…” Levi admitted. He found himself freezing up as he started to become aware of how crazy he sounded, having created a self insert fiction with people he had only met less than two months ago. As he gave it a second thought, he started to realize as well, he had even added Hange’s laboratory mates Nifa and Moblit to the mix of his stories, the few scenes he had remembered visiting Hange’s squad in their post.

“This isn’t anything to be embarrassed about. People cope through various ways. My job is to make you understand this and turn it into something which can help you heal and eventually grow.”

Levi had to muster up the courage to look up at her. He was sure his face was a few shades redder than what he would have wanted. When he locked eyes with her, he couldn’t help but notice they were softer than they were a few minutes ago.

Shela put her clipboard down and pen down on the table. Somehow, Levi felt in her actions, a little more of concern and emotional investment than he had ever felt before. It was seen in the way she leaned forward and widened her eyes in curiosity at him. And as she spoke up, he was able to confirm that it wasn’t just a trick of the mind.

Her voice was warmer, nostalgic and it started to feel more like he was talking to a very old friend. “Okay, tell me about them. Tell me about Erwin and Hange.”

The ones in my dreams? The ones in my story? Or the ones in real life? Levi was close to asking. He noted the confidence in her eyes and on the smile that settled on her lips and soon realized he had no need to clarify. She had chosen her words well.

As soon as he spoke up, he understood. The many dreams and the emotions that ran through him could attest to that same assumption. Erwin Smith and Hange Zoe were the same two people, regardless of which dimension he encountered them in.

                                        A Tale of Two Slaves

Have you ever thought of reincarnation? I’m sure you’ve heard of the concept but have you ever thought hard about that theory?

Reincarnation?

I did a lot of research on this and I’ve strongly believed since then that this is what happens when we die… Do you ever think...What if those dreams are someone telling you something? Someone from a long time ago?

What if I’m just going a little crazy with the shit I’ve been going through? Levi had argued then. When she had mentioned that, she had sounded more like a friend throwing outrageous theories than an actual therapist. There was some truth to what she was saying despite Levi’s doubts. He had been having those dreams since before he got injured after all.

When that one hour session ended, Levi had been left with that open ended question to ponder. Shela did not push it after all. She had strategically left enough crumbs for Levi to question. And the questions only resounded much louder as he exited the building to find Hange on a bench by the entrance, looking through what could have been another journal on her iPad.

“Four eyes, what are you doing here?” Levi asked. With the glare of the screen reflecting on her glasses, she had looked like a ‘four eyes’ at that exact moment he called out to her.

She looked up at him and the glare quickly disappeared. “Levi! You’re done.”

“And you came here to pick me up.”

Hange nodded. “My classes end early today and there’s not much work to do in the lab with the type of thesis I’m doing… so why not?”

“What if I didn’t notice you and I went ahead and you ended up waiting for no one?” Levi asked. “If I weren’t looking right, I could have completely missed you."

"Well you didn't right?"

"You could have waited inside. ”

“The hospital courtyard makes a nice view,” Hange answered. She was right. Autumn was only making itself more and more known through the orange dotting the green landscape in the courtyard. A lot more color than he had seen lately, having cooped himself up in her apartment.

And maybe I should have left you so you could appreciate it more? Levi was tempted to banter with her a little more.

Hange had made herself an easy target at that moment for a little teasing and jokes. Her hair was up in a messy half ponytail and the distracted look remained on her face, a sign that she had probably been a little too focused on what she had been reading until he called out to her.

That look of slight disengagement from her could have been frustrating for most. At that moment when Levi had a good look at her face, he concluded that it was more endearing than anything else and ended up indulging in it for a few more seconds, not wanting to break the moment with another half assed comment.

It was Hange who broke it on her end. “Before I forget!” By then her eyes had lit up. A sign that she had completely adjusted back into her reality. She rummaged through her bag next to her and pulled something out. “I saw this in a gift shop on the way there and I thought of you.” She grabbed Levi’s hand from where it hung on the side and plopped the keychain on his open palm. “Moblit got me something similar for my birthday. He probably got it in the same place now that I think about it.” She added.

Thought of you. Levi’s thoughts were somehow stuck on those words as he observed how the purple strands weaved around the green ring, similarly to the trinket Hange owned and which he had momentarily kept and treasured just a few weeks ago.

“It’s a dream catcher.” Hange said.

Levi found himself still stuck on those words of a while ago, still distracted by the familiar trinket she had gifted him.

“So, maybe it could help you remember your dreams a little more? Maybe help you sleep better at night?” She continued.

“It could,” Levi said. He didn't want to be the hypocrite, having griped about Hange’s lack of attention skills a few times before. He ended up quickly digressing though, having been a little too fixated on his conversation with Shela from a while ago and Hange's passing comment. “Hange do you remember of a life before? At all?” He asked as he pocketed the keychain.

“A life before?” Hange stood up, hung the canvas bag over her shoulder and gestured for him to walk next to her.

She kept her strides small and her pace slower than usual. For Levi, it was the perfect cadence to follow on crutches and somehow, that only reinforced that little hope inside him. I thought of you. She had said then.

“A life before,” Levi clarified. “Maybe you had dreams of people you thought you never met. Maybe you’ve felt the urge to write it all out and when you read it, it feels like you’ve lived that life before.” Did you ever dream of me too? He was raring to ask her. He knew he wanted it a raw answer from her mouth, not an idea he would have planted.

"Isn't that the same for every story read?” Hange looked at him questioningly. “If it's well written enough, you can feel like you're living their life too?”

Levi considered rephrasing the question, adding more details and possibly pressing for more answers from the brunette. The confused frown though had said it all. It had Levi looking straight ahead, not wanting her to see how the disappointment that coursed through his whole body at that moment, manifested itself in his face. No. It's different.

“This is the only life I've ever had. ” Hange said, only confirming verbally what he had already figured out.

This is the only life I’ve ever had too. That was just a stupid theory I found online. Levi was about to say. He was tempted to deny it all, and reduce every single dream, every single emotion that had pushed him to writing over tens of thousands of words of scenes out, into a fevered illusion.

He had been close to saying it then as he studied the side profile that fit so well the ones he had seen in his dreams. The messy wavy brown hair, the sharp nose and the hazel eyes so bright with wonder and life, and the deep yet naturally assertive timbre in her voice all culminated to the Hange he knew. And they all evoked emotions so deep and so unintelligible to Levi then as he watched.

As he vacillated between denying his dreams and reveling in the disappointment, those emotions did tell him one thing. If he denies it, he denies the emotions and the bond that had been drawing him to Hange since a month ago. Consequently, he denies all those moments that lead them there, to a state where he’d be comfortable enough to pursue such a question.

In the end, he couldn’t bring himself to deny it. He saw meaning behind their meeting, behind the mutual interests and the emotions that had brought them closer together. If it turned out he was the only one who saw it, then so be it. He could live with that.

This is the only life I ever had. “Or at least, this is the only life I remember having.” She quickly added, even before Levi could figure out the right way to express his disappointment.

A researcher never made conclusions without the right evidence. Hange had always been a researcher, a scientist. To Levi, she had always embodied the authentic researcher, having made millions more questions than conclusions. He was relieved to see that just like during the many times he had seen her ponder, she hadn’t made an inalterable conclusion just yet.

“So you believe in reincarnation then?” Levi asked.

Hange shrugged. “With the right evidence and theories maybe?”

Relieved, Levi let out a light chuckle. There were still lots more to figure out. And we can do it together.

#levihan #levi x hange #levi x hanji #levihan fanfiction #fanfic