#snooze coupon

[elkkiel]

a newcomer's first impressions of vessel based off what I've managed to learn from scrolling tumblr w/ little to no context:

mega creature energy, I'd expect to see him in a "top 5 mysterious sightings caught on trail cameras" compilation somewhere

looks spooky but he's just a silly guy.

funky little dancey dance + he sure has a particular way of moving around the stage

cat? cat. yes.

anyways I don't think I quite captured the energy I wanted + I may be totally off-base with this, but here's a little fellow based off that one screenshot:

I want to do the others as well but I'm still trying to get a feel for them lol. maybe something quicker + a bit more shitposty

#elkk.art #cat nap #snooze coupon #sleep token #worshitposting #sleep token vessel

[augustinewrites]

when the kids had first moved into the apartment, the first thing you and satoru sat them down and established was that you were not going to be their new parents. satoru, and eventually you, were just their legal guardians. 

then a year later, megumi had shyly asked if you’d come to his mother’s day lunch at school. 

after that, everything you’d said that first night had gone out the window (especially after tsumiki had given satoru a mug that said ‘my dad is rad’ with his face on it).

and you were both okay with that, because they were cute kids, and over the years you’d grown to love them like they were your own. everyday you spend with your little family is a special one, especially days like today.

instincts, perhaps, are what prompt you to get up much too early on sunday, a day where you typically sleep till…well, at least 8am. but there’s noise coming from the kitchen that concerns you. 

satoru has no such instincts, still snoozing away next to you. you shake his shoulder, hoping to pass off responsibility for whatever’s transpiring to him, but he simply nudges his face deeper into his pillow. 

so you take your own pillow and smack him with it. 

he wakes up with a start, eyes still heavy with sleep as he looks around. “what? what’s happening?” 

you point to the door, where the sound of the record player’s soft tunes are accompanied by something almost foreign to your household.

it takes him a minute to process the sound, but once he does, he looks just as confused as you feel.

“is that the sound of laughter coming from our two moody teenagers?” you ask, genuinely bewildered. “do you think they’re laughing at each other?” 

satoru sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “i think we should probably get out there. someone’s definitely holding them at gunpoint.” 

he slides out of bed to grab and hand you your robe, very obviously hiding something behind his back while trailing out of the room after you. arms crossed, you step into the kitchen to see the two teens working together to set up the table.  

“what is going on here?” you ask, eying the mess on the kitchen counter and prompting them both to turn around. “i hope you both know that i’m not cleaning this up.”

“of course not, babe. it’s your day,” your fiancée tells you, wrapping an arm around you and pressing a bouquet of flowers into your hand. 

“my day? so that means you’ll be cleaning up?”

“obviously not. that’s what the two freeloaders are here for. as for how i’ll be treating you today…”

the kids roll their eyes as he pulls you in for a longer than necessary kiss, stealing your breath away. megumi coughs loudly, prompting you to pull apart so you can start breakfast.

like every year, your spot is already set up with a plate of fluffy pancakes, eggs, and a steaming cup of coffee. 

“what, nothing for me?” satoru pouts as the kids load their own plates up and get settled at the table. 

“you’re not our mom,” megumi huffs. 

“yeah, but i’m your—”

“don’t call yourself daddy or i swear to god—”

you hide your smile behind your mug as you glance between the two. it wouldn’t be a family meal without satoru and megumi’s petty snipes. 

it also wouldn’t be mother’s day without gifts. satoru would never let them hear the end of it if there wasn’t. 

there’s a very…abstractly wrapped book from megumi, a perfectly knitted sweater from tsumiki, and classic ‘do the dishes’ coupons and the promise of a spa day.

“we really are grateful for you,” he says, pressing a kiss to the backs of each of your fingers before entangling them with his own. “i could never do this without you.”

“well, it’s a good thing you’ll never have to,” you tell him, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before slapping a coupon onto the table. “except when it comes to the dishes.”

(and after he gets sealed, you realize you’d never thought you’d have to do any of it without him.)

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #gojo fluff #keeping up with the fushigojos

[cosmicstarlatte]

Devil-Mart: Shopping (Obey Me!)

━━━━━━━━━━ ✦ ━━━━━━━━━━

The brothers and you go grocery shopping. You can imagine what that's like.

»Characters: Demon Bros + very brief Dia and Barb

»Tags: Shitpost, Some Wholesomeness, Levi my boy, Dia is precious as usual, Bulleted Style

»Notes: Sorry I know I've mentioned this a few times but finally edited it to my liking. :'3 Alternatively I have another fic where they actually work at Devil-Mart if you haven't read that one lol.

Lucifer:

Grabs two carts, one being a race car type with two seats

"Levi! Belphie! Get in!"

OF COURSE HE STRAPS THEM IN

Puts a backpack leash on Asmo

"Beel, Mammon, get a cart each."

They're a big family so yeah they need a lot lol

"Satan, stay where I can see you!"

This man pulls out a CVS-receipt type of shopping list

You can practically hear western showdown music as he stares down another customer for the last bag of spicy newt chips

Hands Satan Asmo's leash

He wins the last bag of course

"SATAN! ASMO! Where did you go!?"

(Later)

"I have a coupon for this."

"Well the sale sign said-"

"Here's my rewards card."

"I have reusable bags, thank you."

Mammon:

Thinks grocery shopping is boring but only goes because of you

Is the reason the store started locking more stuff up behind glass cases

Has tried to bargain with workers and hopes it works one day

Confidently accepted Satan's bet (you tried to stop it)

He left his shopping cart with you

Next thing you know he gets on the intercom

"Lucifer! Daddy will find you! Don't cry! If anyone sees a black haired-"

Lucifer drop kicked him knocking him unconscious

[Security Liked This 👍 ]

Levi:

Happily gets in Lucifer's cart and continues gaming on his console

Is use to Lucifer strapping him in

Finds it oddly comforting

"Lucifer can we get the Ruri chan limited edition cereal!?"

"It's on the list."

"Lucifer! Don't forget we need more Hell Sodas!"

"It's on the list."

"Oh and my special Ruri shamp-"

"Leviathan."

[A few minutes later]

"...Hey Lucifer!"

"LEVIATHAN."

Satan:

Didn't want to come but Lucifer makes grocery shopping a family outing

Walks around reading a book

Bet Mammon he wouldn't get on the intercom and embarrass Lucifer

He knew he'd do it

He happily threw the grimm on his unconscious body

He took out the last jar of inferno bee honey from a families cart when they weren't looking

Occasionally crosses off Lucifer's snacks so he forgets them

Decided to ''save'' Asmo when he got the chance

Asmo:

Not the first time he's been on a leash

Just typed away on his D.D.D

Keeps trying to flirt with any cutie he sees

Lucifer yanks him away every time

However Lucifer does use him for discounts at the meat deli

Asmo doesn't mind he always treats it like a game to see what he can get 😏

Employees have fought for the chance to help him if he requires assistance

Was thankful when Satan saved him from Lucifer's watch

They went shopping at the cafe book store next door

Beel:

Loves grocery shopping, loves it

Always has to eat a giant meal before shopping otherwise he can't go

Food and family outing only the best duo!!!

Always feels guilty knowing the list is long because of him but he does his best to help Lucifer shop for the items

Pushed one cart with food and pulled the other with an unconscious Mammon inside

Is the reason the store stopped doing free samples

Belphie:

Immediately started snoozing when Lucifer strapped him into the cart

Doesn't care much for grocery shopping but doesn't fight it

Grannies always coo over him while he sleeps

"Oh what a cutie! The other one is kind of odd though..."

Lucifer always carries a sleeping Belphie back to the van while Beel packs the back of the van with you

Sure Beel could carry him but Lucifer insists its Beel's duty to help with grocery shopping as much as he can

Lucifer won't admit he has a soft spot for the youngest

Belphie won't admit he pretends to sleep so he can be carried by Lucifer

As you guys leave, you see Barbatos walking in, pushing Diavolo in his own race car cart who is happily "steering".

"We're going to the chips, Barbatos!"

"No, we are here for dinner ingredients my Lord."

"But I'm turning left!"

->[Dia & Barb art]

⬦You might also like: Coconut︱Mexican Restaurant︱Waffle House︱ You ARE The Father

#you'd think Lucifer was shopping with little kids LMAO #obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me shitpost #obey me humor #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #◇˖・ﾟ— › cosmic obey me . ⊹ #shitpostcifer

[dr0pp0pc4ndy]

The brothers as Types of Shoppers

Characters: The Brothers x gn!mc

Warnings: None

-----

Lucifer

You ever been makeup shopping with your dad and he's like standing on the other side of the isle as you blocking traffic and being like "Is that it?" every 5 minutes? That's him

Very focused shopper, not interested in mall walking with you. He gets what he wants, pays, and leaves. He knows what he likes and exactly where it is in the store.

If he's shopping for someone else, however, he'll take his time. Not too long though, he just doesn't see the point in being in stores longer than he needs to.

Mammon

You can send Mammon into the store for like a cucumber and he'll still come back with a shopping cart of stuff. Candy, a watch, a camera, you name it, which is impressive because the store was a grocery store.

On the upside, he will get everything you need. If you send him with a list he'll actually get the stuff.

Has a store card for like every store ever

Will definitely haggle with the cashier or debate them when they say he cant get a deal. No they cant give you a buy one get one free on the pencils they're literally in a pack together

Buys wayyyyyy too much of everything. I can see him couponing then selling the stuff for full price.

Takes tags off of clothes that are too expensive and urges Asmo to do the same.

Leviathan

He is an online shopper this is canon

He has connections, you will never see him in a store running errands ( ik hes been to stores in canon but now he hasn't bc i said so/j)

He goes to the anime store and the human world Japan themed store in the mall every once in a while if there's some drop that is in stores only. He tries not to though because he got into an argument with the store clerk after they mixed up the Ruri-chan fanmade ova with the main canon

Satan

Most normal guy in stores, mostly

He's always looking for something specific and won't settle for replacements. Will rant for 30 minutes if they moved items or removed them from the store.

I can't see him clothes shopping very often, look at the way he dresses

Uses the self checkout religiously because he apparently can do it better than the people who's job it is to check you out. He is his dad's brother's son brother

Asmodeus

World's longest shopper, not even with clothes, just in general.

Straight lollygagging

Read the labels and everything, even if he's bought it before

Has a store credit card or two, nothing like Mammon. Just for the stores he frequents the most like Majolish, starbucks maybe, he seems like a starbucks guy

One of those annoying people who argues on the phone in the middle of the store

Asks the store workers their opinions on the items he's buying way too much. "What're your opinion on these eggs? Have you ever tried them?" like ??

Beelzebub

Eats the food in the store, brings it to the checkout open wide. I used to be afraid of eating the grapes as a kid meanwhile he's eating the grapes, a rotisserie chicken, drinking the milk.

Always falls victim to the snacks at the checkout

Usually rounds up, not even to be generous he just doesn't want the change

Never gets a basket, dropping items left and right because he didn't grab a basket on his way in and refuses to go back for one. "Sir, do you want a basket?" "No 😊😊”

Belphegor

You're lucky if you catch him shopping

Another in & out guy, he's got better things to be doing like sleeping or napping or snoozing or dozing off

Cannot be bothered with cash, he's a credit card guy

I can see this grown man sitting in the basket while you push him around and shop

- - - -

#obey me #obey me headcanons #om shall we date #omswd #obey me shall we date #obey me beel #obey me beelzebub #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me belphegor #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus

[demonichikikomori]

Birthday Freebie

Ruggie Bucchi x Fem!Reader Word Count: 4.5k+

Art by llilililiiliii on Twitter!

I gotta give him more than head. This hyena works too hard for just a pity blowjob on his special day. Also, pretend this is part of my Ruggie series on Ao3. Spin-Off content. So... You're not dating... But the two of you are very close. Hehe.

SUMMARY:

Ruggie was gifted a 'Freebie' coupon from you due to you constant lack of cash. But he accepted it with a very big smile and his familiar snicker. However, the party goes south as it gets closer to midnight.

Tags: "But it's my birthdaaaayyyy"/Ruggie is Handsy/Ruggie is not Bitch Made/Good Ol' Fashioned Cream Filling

The yipping and yelling through Savanaclaw was finally becoming too much as the clock neared 11pm. Jack was red faced, stumbling around with Epel singing as loud as they could with ‘Jungle Juice’ in their systems. There was a big arm wrestling competition in the kitchen that made it impossible to pass through. The room smelled heavily of sweat, alcohol, and sugar. Leona had fallen asleep with Grim curled up beside him on a lounge chair by the water. And all of the music in Ruggie’s party playlist had a bass so loud you felt like your brain had been mashed into paste. 

Naturally all of the birthday parties in the beast-filled dorm were wild, sometimes wilder than this, and it always became quickly overwhelming for you. You had promised Ruggie you would stay for about an hour when you and Grim arrived before the party officially started. But an hour quickly turned into nine. It was late and you had to get Grim home. Your feet hurt. Your head hurts. And the last bit of non-alcoholic juice you had was reduced to shiny pebbles in the bottom of your red solo cup. At first you were having fun, wishing Ruggie a happy birthday the moment you entered the dorm’s lounge. While the other student’s began to huddle into the big room, you gave Ruggie your joke of a gift in a secluded hall: One ‘Freebie’. 

The words were scrawled in black marker out on a flimsy brown takeout napkin. You were feeling like a comedian since you were lacking in funds this month, but Ruggie loved your sense of humor. He accepted your gift by tucking it into his back pocket and robbing you of a few chaste kisses. Of course, not part of his redeemable napkin. He can have anything he wants from you as long as it was his birthday. But you had lost sight of Ruggie after the fifth hour of spending time in Savanaclaw. So for the last four, you spent it beside the sleeping Housewarden in silence, scrolling through your phone as the lion snoozed. You knew no one would bother you. 

You had a few occasional visitors come and check on you, making sure things were okay until they noticed you were sitting next to Leona. That was when the conversation was cut short. You didn’t mind. With all of the loud noise and overwhelming smells, you needed the alone time desperately. You hugged a knee up to your chest with the other shoeless and dangling in the cool water. Your thumb swiped slowly through the pictures you took of you and Ruggie earlier into the party. One was the two of you standing back to back with one of your feet pressed together making goofy faces at the camera. One was of you and him laying on the couch holding a plate of donuts with Leona yawning in the background. The last one of you two together was when you had given him his ‘gift’. His eyes half lidded as he stared into the camera, a small smirk was visible. You were clearly happy with the attention, yet your expression was flustered. “Send me those later.” A ghost of warm breath tickled your ear and you yelped in shock, nearly dropping your phone in the water pool only centimeters away. “Ruggie!” You gasped and craned your neck to look up at him. 

He had crouched beside you with a smile, his large fangs on display and his tail curled with delight. However you had to lean away from him with a scrunched nose. The hyena stunk heavily of alcohol, frosting, and something skunky. The combination was so strong that your stomach started to churn. But you were happy to see him. “The one and only.” He hummed and moved to sit beside you and you immediately leaned closer to Leona to escape the barrage of smells. “Heyyy, don’t do that to me.” Ruggie playfully pouted as he crossed his ankles near the edge of the water, leaning his face closer to yours as his hand gently gripped your forearm. “Gimmie a kiss. I want one.” He purred softly, pulling you closer and you started to frown. You turned your face away as his nose brushed against your ear. “Maybe if you shower and brush your teeth I will.” You were partially joking, goosebumps flying across your skin as his tongue slid over the soft cartilage of your ear. The soft lobe now being tugged between his fangs. As much as you wanted to suck Ruggie’s tongue out of his mouth, there was far too much happening around you. He groaned into your ear, leaving your cheeks burning and heart pounding. “S… Stop.” You mumbled and gently pushed him away. You felt bashful. 

The party was a little too big for you to be accepting any attention like that from Ruggie. Truthfully you couldn’t handle being even more overwhelmed. The hyena began to pout and soon released your arm from his grip. He sighed dramatically with ears folded back and a disappointed shake of his head. “I see how it is. On my wonderful and special day, I get no kisses from my favorite person.” Ruggie sighed and offered a pathetic sniffle. The display caused you to smile, but before you could speak there was a snort from above you. Leona’s tail smacked against your knee as he shifted in his chair. “I’d rather you two don’t fuck right next to me either.” His low voice shocked your eyes into widening as Ruggie’s playful nature flipped instantly into that of agitation. “Leona-” Your face started to become hot. How long had he been awake? Ruggie growled and slowly moved to his feet. “I’d charge you for that anyways.” The hyena spat as he outstretched his hand for you to take. But he wasn’t looking at you.

He was staring at Leona.

You tucked your phone into your pocket and grabbed your shoe in one hand, the other accepted Ruggie’s outstretched grasp. “You two leaving? So soon? The night ain’t even over Ruggie…” Leona laughed out the hyena’s name, a scarred eye slowly opening as he looked up at the two of you. A glowing summer green, vs a raging stormy blue. The air started to feel tense as you slowly acclimated to the mix of smells coating Ruggie’s clothing. You could even see frosting smears in his hair. “Leaving your own party? Come on,” Leona closed his eye and shifted to get comfortable in his chair. A satisfied smile was coating his face. “You love your birthday more than anything. Now you stealin’ away our little Herbivore? She and I were nice and talkative while you went for a walk.” Leona took two quick sniffs at the air and you could feel Ruggie starting to squeeze your hand. “Or two.” The Housewarden let out another yawn and waved a hand dismissively, as if he was shooing the two of you away. “Go if you’re goin’. But the Herbivore needs to come back for her pet. I ain’t babysittin’ so you two can-“

“Will you cut it the fuck out?!” 

Ruggie snapped at Leona, his voice loud over the music and causing you to flinch. The lion quickly sat up in his lounge chair. With a scowl on his face and a foot now planted on the ground, the taller beastman prepared to stand. With you smack in between the target. “Hey, hey, come on. It’s still his birthday! That’s enough!” You raised your hands with one still holding your shoe. Your arms were outstretched to shield Ruggie away from his Housewarden with a terrified expression washing over your face. Ruggie was rigid behind you and Leona was silent, eyes laced in  irritation as they scanned over you. He physically relaxed and laid back in his chair with a huff. The air was even more suffocating now as Ruggie placed a hand on your shoulder. You couldn’t see his face, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to. “You lil’ boyfriend can camp out at Ramshackle, chill out, and come back in the morning. Or,” Leona smiled, eyes opening as he looked up at you. His pearly white fangs glimmered and left you feeling ill. “he can wait until midnight and take an ass whoopen from me.” Before you could speak up on the hyena’s behalf, you felt the hand on your shoulder now shoving you aside. You stumbled and dropped your shoe, now feet away from the edge of the water with big eyes and a scream tearing out of your throat.

You watched in horror as Ruggie jumped on top of Leona. 

+=+

Grim was pouting in your arms, soaking wet. Your eyes were puffy from crying, your throat sore from yelling. And Ruggie had a bruise on his cheek, not to mention most of his outfit was torn and dirtied. The three of you walked back to Ramshackle in silence after the chaos that had ensued. It took eight different people including Jack and Epel to break up the fight. Most of the students were cheering, and crowding around to spectate which did nothing for your anxiety. Seeing the two fight out the pent up anger they had was a sight to behold since instead of magic; it was fists. 

Ruggie had forgotten about Grim curled up in the chair, and the poor monster was flung into the water. Thankfully Epel ran to his rescue, but Jack had to hold onto you to keep you from shoving one of the beastmen into the water next. You sobbed for the two of them to cut it out, watching their fangs bared and knuckles being scraped raw until finally the fight was broken up by students with common sense. Ruggie’s party was canceled an hour early. 

The hyena was to be exiled for the night and could come back bright and early in the morning for practice. While Leona was to be shut into his room as the others cleaned up. Of course, he could come out bright and early for practice.

All of Grim’s complaints were left at the Savanaclaw door as your trio made it to the lonely little dorm you called home. You sniffled as you pushed the door open and flipped on the light to the foyer. You were silent, turning your head back to Ruggie who stood right outside the doorway with his ears flattened. He looked guilty, but not remorseful of his actions. “… You can come in.” You croaked as Grim grumbled under his breath, his wet nose nuzzled into your top as you slipped off your shoes. “I’m giving Grim a bath… Then I want to talk to you.” You tried to keep your voice from wavering as you looked Ruggie over, his cheek was starting to purple and he nodded in understanding, pushing the door shut behind him. 

Without another word being spoken, you climbed the stairs to the bathroom. Grim clearly wasn’t in the mood to complain either which was good for you. You didn’t have any more energy to talk about what happened with Grim.

But the Birthday Boy was a different story. 

With Grim scrubbed, dried and ready for bed, you left him in the room to return to sleep as you rounded up your things for your own bath and Ruggie’s. You showered away the anxiety from early. The dried tears. Social exhaustion. The scent of frosting and sweat. All of it was washed down the drain. You dressed yourself in black shorts and a mustard colored shirt before trekking back downstairs. 

Your footsteps were light as you listened to Ruggie pacing around while muttering to himself. As you made it to the base of the stairs, you saw him holding his letterman jacket by the collar in one hand, his stone necklace was being pulled out of his pocket. He thumbed over the colorful beads as if he was assessing any damage done to the precious jewelry. Ruggie’s fangs were now bared as he looked at the hole ripped into the arm of the jacket and he tucked his necklace into the same pocket where your gift was. You struggled to find words as you stood at the base of the stairs, what would be right to say in this situation? Ruggie’s eyes found you before you had the chance to spit anything out. The expression on his face was much calmer now as his shoulders sagged. The two of you stared in silence as Ruggie offered a guilty grin. “Listen… I’m-“ You held up a hand for him to stop talking. You took in a deep inhale and allowed your eyes to fall shut. “You smell.” Your voice was hoarse as you shook your head. “Please bathe. Before we do any talking… Just get in the bath. You really do stink and it’s making my headache come back.” You begged softly for him to listen to your words as you placed a foot back on the stairs leading up to the next floor. It wasn’t entirely a lie. But it was difficult to talk to someone who smelled like a frat house. 

Ruggie hummed as he crept quietly towards you, his steps soundless as he pinched your sleeve and gently tugged. “You comin’ with me?” He whispered with a hopeful tone. His eyes were no longer a raging storm with crashing waves, but a dull sea of bluish gray water. You chewed on your lower lip, the frosting had become faint, but the smell of weed and alcohol were more prominent than before. It wouldn’t hurt to make sure he got in the bath without falling, you’re just babysitting him since he’s crossfaded. You slowly nodded in agreement as he climbed the stairs first, his fingers still pinching your sleeve as you followed him up to the bathroom. “You left some sweatpants behind… They’re in the bathroom already.” Your voice was quiet as the two of you reached the bathroom. 

The two of you entered the small space as you turned on the bath. You shared a short debate with Ruggie saying he should soak his wounds instead of showering. He only complained that you got cleaned up without inviting him. Ruggie undressed slowly as the ceramic tub filled with water. Your eyes occasionally wandered over to his bare skin. You were familiar with all the scars, bumps, and freckles. Where the velvet fur on his tail ended and met his flesh. Where the last drag of your nails was left behind on his back. “You're watching me like I’m prime entertainment.” Ruggie snickered as his back faced you, the stone beads of his necklace clacked as he slipped it back over his neck and looped it around. “I’m just… Nevermind.” You couldn’t think of a good excuse as Ruggie snickered in amusement. “I don’t mind.” The beastman purred as he walked to the edge of the tub and eased himself into the hot water with a sigh. You looked him over with a frown and rested your arms on the edge of the tub. There were bruises forming along his abdomen, he had scratch marks on his wrists, and Leona hit him in the face. Hard. “Can we talk now?” The hyena asked as he sat up in the water. You could see his ears folding back as he smiled at you. You nodded which left him with visible relief as he tilted his head downwards. 

“Are you mad at me?” Ruggie asked as you reached for a bottle of shampoo. “I don’t know.” You sighed as Ruggie’s hand came out of the water to cup your face. His wet fingers squished your cheeks as it was his turn to frown. “I forgib you Ruggie- Oh thanks, aren’t you a doll?” He mocked your voice and you rolled your eyes while flipping open the cap. “You should’ve walked away.” You grumbled and motioned for him to flatten his ears. He did what you requested and pulled his hand away from your face. “I’m not his bitch.” The hyena growled as you drizzled the gel substance into his short sand colored hair. “I’m not saying that. I’m saying be the bigger person.” 

“Okay, so look like a bitch in front of everyone at my birthday party-“

“Stop it.” You begged and massaged the soap carefully into his scalp. Ruggie folded his ears up and down to allow you to work. He folded his hands together under the water as his eyes turned up towards you. “… So what did you and Leona talk about?” He asked casually as you began to rinse the shampoo away. You shook your head again and combed your fingers through his hair. “He made that part up.” You huffed tiredly, setting the shampoo aside to grab the conditioner next and Ruggie nodded slowly. “You just sat in silence the entire time?” His voice was quiet as you felt a small hole form in your gut. “He was napping and Grim ended up beside him to sleep… Cat thing or something.” You didn’t know what to say. It was the truth, if Ruggie didn’t believe you then that would be an issue for another conversation. “You really shouldn’t have listened to him. He just likes to rile you up.” You didn’t want to argue with the hyena. It was the one thing you hated the most. Whenever Leona was the topic, it always ended badly. Ruggie was silent as you added the conditioner and began to scrub it into his hair. The silence was starting to bother you now, but you knew Ruggie was choosing between saying something that would spiral into yelling, or something that would make you feel better. “I’m sorry.” He breathed out softly as his ears flipped out of the way for you to continue with washing his hair. Sorry. You weren’t sure how to take his apology. “... I think Leona should be the one to apologize.” You spoke up, feeling Ruggie still beneath your hands. You could see his tail moving happily under the clear water. “I doubt he would apologize to me, to you? Sure. But, I’m really just apologizing for causing a big scene.” Ruggie leaned into your hands with a smile. “Poor Grim ended up in the water and I almost pushed you to the ground. At least let me apologize for that?” He sounded lively. It could be from you defending him. It could be because it’s still his birthday. “I forgive you Ruggie.” You stifled a laugh as you rinsed his hair a second time. “Really? You seriously forgive me?” He asked, again there was a hopeful tone in his voice. “Yes, I really forgive you.” His arms reached out of the water as he twisted around. Wet skin hugged your dry body close, and his teeth nipped gently at your chin. He was smiling. “Ruggie! I’m getting wet!” You scolded gently as he hugged you closer, sitting up on his knees as he squeezed you against him in a tight and comforting hold. He lifted his head with a wide grin, his tail curled behind him, bouncing and twitching as he started to pull at your shirt. “Hey, it’s still my birthday and my coupon expires soon.” He purred against your skin, his dripping hair left dark stains against the mustard colored shirt you wore. “Well…” You trailed off, well aware of what Ruggie was asking as you rested your palms on his freckled shoulders. “Somethin’ quick. Downstairs.” He asked as you hummed in thought over if you should give in or not. “Well, the birthday boy got into a fight and his party ended up canceled because of it.” You grumbled and Ruggie began to whine, his non-bruised cheek pressed against yours. "But it's my birthdaaaayyyy." The hyena groaned and you rolled your eyes, rubbing your hands over his shoulders with a frown. “Only because it’s your birthday… We can go downstairs since Grim is sleeping.” You sighed as Ruggie let you go with a swift peck on the cheek. 

He quickly climbed out of the tub, his hair dripping with water as you tossed a fluffy black towel at him. “Everytime we interact you always end up naked.” You mumbled and Ruggie smiled. “Isn’t that a good thing? Means I like ya.” He snickered and lifted the towel to dry his hair and ears. Beads of water rolled down his chest and arms, some even trekked over the bruising skin on his abdomen. You couldn’t help but watch in silence as Ruggie’s eyes were buried within the towel. “You keep fuckin’ me with your eyes and I might start asking you for money again.” He teased as you broke away. “I’m just worried about the bruises. That’s all.” You defended as Ruggie looked around the bathroom. He spotted the sweatpants he left behind and slipped them on as you stood near the door. “Worried about me? You’re too kind. I might actually fall for you someday.” He praised as the two of you slipped out of the bathroom and headed back downstairs. Ruggie was behind you, holding onto the back of your top as you glanced at the clock in the foyer. It was ten minutes until midnight. That wasn’t a lot of time for what Ruggie might have in mind, but it would be a good punishment for starting a fight. 

You felt like you spoiled him too much anyways. “Wanna do it on the couch? Bending you over the kitchen table might be fun too.” He whispered against the soft skin of your ear as you gently nudged him with your elbow. “You don’t have much time. You have nine minutes left.” You warned as he drew away with a pout. “Whaaaat? I guess I can make something work with nine minutes.” Ruggie was displeased with the lack of time he had. He slipped his hands under your shirt and gently teased your nipples with the rough pads of his fingers. 

A quiet whimper slipped out of you as one of Ruggie’s wet hands began to glide across your skin. His name was on the tip of your tongue as he pressed his mouth against the back of your neck. “Still my birthday.” He whispered as he herded you towards the couch. “The ghosts here tonight?” He asked, his tongue flicking over your jawline as he peppered the skin in soft kisses. “No… They won’t be back until Saturday.” You admitted as Ruggie’s kisses instantly became hungrier. “Good.” You could feel him smile against you. And in a flash, you were face down on the couch with Ruggie on top of you. The beastman was already trying to slide your shorts down your thighs. He was whispering sweet things into your ear, licking and kissing the sensitive skin as you trembled with excitement beneath him. Your eyes glanced towards the clock once more. He only had five minutes. But you elected not to speak up. You would be benefiting from this as well.

“Keep your hips up.” He commanded softly, the pads of his fingers dragged over your bare skin as his fingers slipped inside of you. A soft gasp left your lips and your toes began to curl. You struggled to keep your hips up, the new position felt intimidating since you couldn’t see Ruggie like you usually could. He pumped slowly, the slow drag of his fingers against your spongey insides made it hard to breathe. Steadily. Slowly. Hypnotically. “So wet from two fingers… When’s the last time we had alone time?” He asked playfully, when he leaned over, the colorful stone beads brushed against your cheek. “W-Wait.” You whispered and looked over at the clock again. Ruggie pulled his fingers out of you and hummed against your ear, licking the skin again as you frowned. His hips rolled slowly against yours and you could feel him pulling his sweats down his thighs. “Um… It’s… It’s midnight.” You mumbled. You did want him to learn the lesson that by doing something bad he shouldn’t be rewarded. But it has been some time since you and Ruggie could spend time together. You heard him hum again, his hands rubbing along your sides. “I think the clock is just fast.” He whispered. You could feel the tip nudging against your hole, slipping against your folds as your mind became fogged. The clock wasn’t fast. You both knew that. “S’my birthday still…” He moaned breathlessly against your ear, and you caved. “Yeah, the clock is a little fast.” Your voice wavered as Ruggie pulled on your hips, lifting them towards him as he slipped inside of you.

Ruggie pushing in was slow, agonizingly slow as your hands reached out to grab something. Anything. Your nails dug into the side of the couch cushion as he sank into you. Filling you up and twitching from within your soft walls. Ruggie had one foot planted on the floor, his other leg was bent with his knee digging into the couch. You were caged between him and the furniture as he began to thrust. Sharp and quick thrusts that left you feeling full. It really had been a while since Ruggie had fucked you. The stretch of your pussy and the way your body sucked him in deeper and deeper was bordering the lines of humiliating. You silently prayed that he wouldn’t say anything. And with the way Ruggie was holding onto your hips and sloppily thrusting into you, you could assume he was as needy for you as you were for him. 

Your mouth was hanging open as his hips snapped against you. Your toes curled tightly as you struggled to swallow back the cacophony of whorish sounds trickling off your tongue. 

“It feels so good.” Ruggie cooed from above you as he flattened you into the couch, a strong grip on your hips to lift your lower half off the cousins. To hold you still as he uses you. To fill you with his frustrations and lust. It was how he showed his affection. Not one for ‘I love you’s. But when his tongue met yours, or he filled you with his hot seed, you knew that this was more than just the two of you benefiting. He was yours as you were his, just without the proper label.

You shuddered through your orgasm, your hand leaving the cushion to grope at Ruggie’s thigh. He stuttered as he pushed his hips flush against you, the familiar bump of his knot was there but it did not slip inside as he filled you with cum. Hot and warm and filling you deeply. Ruggie laid on top of you, mumbling something incoherent. The hyena was buried deep within your walls as he kissed along your shoulder blades. His hot seed was starting to pool out of you and stained the couch below as you steadied your breathing. Your hips were shaking, and you felt bliss once again. But the post nut clarity brought you a quick flash of annoyance. 

You need to stop rewarding him for bad behavior.

Tagged Accounts: @ruggiethethuggie @spiritanimals64-blog @fortunatelyburningaphrodisiac @merotwst @subpuppymikey

#hellishly. happy. birthday #ruggie smut #ruggie bucchi smut #ruggie bucchi x reader #ruggie x yuu #ruggie x mc #ruggie x y/n

[tinky-noctua]

Idk who this man is but he looks kinda fine I KNOW THE MOUTH IS TOO LOW I DREW ON A BALLPEN FIRST AND IMMEDIATELY REGRETTED GOING THAT LOW I still love him tho

Random woman I drew in math class, I was about to snooze listening to my teacher talking abt mortgage and coupons

BEIDOUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!! (that kiss mark is from me GGGRRRRRR) that's my wife yall

As u can see my artstyle is just on random, it's like spinning a wheel and locking down on an adapted art style

#tinky art #Beidou #genshin fanart #random doodles #help me im dying #tinky rants

[seginbeats]

He's asleep, fast asleep. It's a quarter past two; this is the hour where Giacomo was usually wide awake, getting into mischief with his squad, but, he'd been out and about while the sun was up-- insomnia won for a little while, until his body came to a grinding halt.

Snoozing, one leg kicked out from the sheets, an arm hanging off of the bed, Sableye wedged beneath one of his pillows-- he isn't aware of the soft glow of his phone screen lighting up. Giacomo had plenty of texts to get back to once he woke up.

6 unread messages ---

[Mela 🔥] lol look at this video when your awake lmaaooo

[Pokéats 🍕] Please rate your delivery experience to quality for a 20% off coupon!

[Unknown number] Giacomo It's your mother, call me

[Unknown number] We need to talk

[Atticus 🎭] Friend! You left your Switch at mine base. Worry not, I will have it returned to thine aboad.

[Grunt Iggy 🦊 ] when does zorua evolve

#☆ ‹ ᴅᴊ ᴠɪᴄᴇ ʟɪᴠᴇ › in character #{ Queued for 2:15 am. }

[heffrondriving]

- ̥۪͙۪˚┊ ❛ why love myself (when i found you instead?) ❜ : ̗̀❥ james × jett ┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌

: ̗̀❥ RATING: G // WORD COUNT: 5,710 // CHARACTERS: jett stetson, james diamond // TAGS: one shot, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff, slice of life, grocery shopping, domestic bliss, idiots in love, established relationship, schmoop, jealousy, protectiveness, insecurity, himbo boyfriends, prompt fill, jett-centric, i.e. a sad mad (smad?) jett lowkey adhd-monologues a whole loooot

: ̗̀❥ inspired by the song Glitter Times by Waterparks and dedicated as ever to the wonderful @cvsmicbaddie1 💜

: ̗̀❥ [Part 5 of Cupid Got Us F♡cked Up]

❝ so when you go, trap the feelings we both know, line your ceiling love you so rough it burns my bones yeah, when you go, leave those feelings home alone, busted pieces... ❞

The grocery trip wasn’t going out as well as Jett had hoped, and he was seething mad.

No, it wasn’t because he and his dumb boyfriend had wasted thirty minutes in the dairy aisle shivering and locked in a pointless heated debate about what kind of milk to get (James wanted plain oat milk—talk about Stuart Snooze!—but Jett wanted to try out this schmancy Japanese mushibou-gyuunyuu milk made from rice that was a million times healthier and was loaded with vitamins from A to Z and could probably extend your lifespan by like a good ten years or something, which they were so gonna need if they wanted to preserve their ‘best-looking people ever’ status). Or the fact that the gawky-faced teenager manning the checkout counter hadn’t been broken in on how to input simple coupon codes and nearly cheated Jett out of a good deal—seriously, 40% off on Le Labo hand soap and a free box of ultra-soft makeup tissues? That was a SuperStore steal!—if the scowly bearded manager with the unwashed apron and Hail Mary keycards hadn’t shown up to perform his pre-lunch break miracle (even with his reclaimed freebies, Jett still unfortunately had to use James as a human buffer to keep McNotLovin’It dude’s ick from spreading to him, as he made a mental note to cleanse his boyfie with palo santo and lavender incense later before he let him step a single cursed foot inside the apartment). Or even the disastrous fact that the flimsy paper bags ripped apart just as the couple had finally exited the premises and mister caveman-handed Diamond had to duck back and ask for some new ones, leaving one extremely miffed super actor superstar to chase after and pick up the tumbling products that had long-found their way to the disgusting confines of LA’s sidewalk gutters.

At that point, Jett’s life was just trying to be some sitcom. Some unfunny, sound effect-riddled, cheap cardboard sitcom that certainly didn’t deserve to have an A-list celeb such as bien à vous anywhere on its tiddlywinks show roster. If he heard that stupid disruptive uh-oh-oh song playing anywhere at all, he was seriously going to lose it and commit unspeakable acts of gorgeous violence (like how he played his role as a gorgeously evil half-wizard, half-demon in Witches of Rodeo Drive, but like, minus the star-spangled robe costume and zappy lightning magic and for realsies this time).

All of these consecutive troubles only really left the weary actor to wonder, not for the last time in his grievous life, why he even allowed James to tag along with his important shopping duties when he was perfectly capable of doing it alone without any added hassle. Sure, Jett could also just assign the weekly grocery list to his saintly agent and have her toss the task off to another lackey who’ll take care of everything without him having to lift a finger or touch the money with hideous old men in it, but he quite liked the rigmarole of this mundane ritual more than he’d openly admit, and he just couldn’t trust some unpaid intern to choose the perfect quality ingredients for his delectable recipes. Besides, Jett wasn’t about to pass up any easy opportunity to get all suavely styled up for the weekend and fatten up his paparazzi portfolio with candid photos of how glamorous and yet still smashtag relatable he was—tweenies and tryhards on ScuttleButtr ate up that kinda lifestyle press, after all.

James also had a big day off from howling in his papa dog’s studio today and an even bigger heart for wanting to help out...but that heart was unfortunately as sharp-witted as its biggest idiot owner and always ended up klutzily knocking the last seven letters out of assistance, no matter how desperately James wanted to spend his time with the amazing Jett ‘Sexyman’ Stetson enough to lap after his heels and do him all these spare domestic favours.

Which fine, Jett can’t really fault anyone for that, he liked having some (or lots of) extra muscle around and he was just that amazing after all—but he could, however, still fault James for the rest of this grocery pickle (no, not the ones that just did an Olympic-sounding splooshy dive into an open manhole). Matter of fact, why was the amazing Jett Stetson the one out here actively making a fool out of himself trying to play catch the freaking street cabbage anyway? For crying out loud, he was so not gonna make his super special cherry tomato couscous salad with cholera-infested chickpeas and sewer-tangy feta cheese!

Though, all things considered, their time at the grocery store was all sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows with a bearable side of bickering and business as usual. Surely a few lost purchases was the far ideal outcome than say, James’ rabid hockey hound besties making a surprise cameo and ruining their lovely day out together with some ‘brilliant plan’ that would inevitably burn down the whole establishment and get someone’s troublemaking butt carted off to the nearest LAPD station. But Jett found that it was always simply getting back home afterwards that was the hardest part of going out.

After all, he was going out with James Diamond, a looker and a stunner and a charmer all around, cicely smiles and a carved physique and a crooning voice that could haunt kaleidoscope daydreams and velvet-lined palace hallways alike. Whenever the heavens rained down to bless their horizons with affection, James always got soaked to the bone and still had enough space left to drown the ocean. Flitting spotlights and starry eyes couldn’t get enough of him, and neither could Jett—even if most of that irresistible attention came in patronising backchat and lethally exasperated doses (and sometimes sneaky kisses). Still, like the contrary was god’s gracious truth, maybe the actor should also count himself pleasantly lucky to be with such a spectacular trophy boyfriend for the crushers and the cameras...but then again, why should any other five cent vanilla-plain cretin be able to share the same four-leaf clover fortune as him?

It’s just not frigging fair.

No, it wasn’t some kinda weird obsession, whatever—‘cause people obviously obsessed over Jett, not the other way around!—but it was just plain common sense. Jett was more than used to getting attention. He doesn’t have to turn all choosing beggar for it like anyone else in this hack town, it was served up to him with a gold-flaked garnish and a lifetime supply of garlic breadsticks with an all-expenses paid bill, and that’s all part of the Stetson charm.

But when he was with James? As much as Jett hated to admit that he had met his match, the warning signs couldn’t lie when they were smacking into his forehead all over the city, reddening his vision and forcing him to pay attention to the attention that was supposed to be all his, now divided into measly portions. Wait, no, not just divided—it was like some dumb waiter with string worms for arms decided to draw the line between who was gonna get the bigger half and who was gonna starve for scraps.

Surprises, surprises, James always got his fill. And Jett was left feeling like the trophy idiot. It made him painfully sick to his stomach, that infuriating imbalance, feeling like he was somehow lagging a thousand steps away from James as they walked arms steadfastly looped and strides side by side down the bustling boulevards of Hollywood, Jett forced to take a backseat for once—even that alone was already unfathomable, unless he was being chauffeured around in his personal CW-provided limousine—and watch James’ hungry gravity suck every innocent passerby in, James Diamond in his best element and he knows it.

And he knows Jett knows it, too.

See, Jett wouldn’t give a sewer rat’s mangy butt otherwise. Have a bottle-blond boy draw down his pricey knockoff Ray-Bans for a ‘Cuda cool check-out and a sneaky snake-skinned wink or have a tropicana-fragrant girl flip her sundress and temptingly wiggle her fingers in the smoggy wind to the siren’s lure of a prospective date, fine, whatever—that was all standard shindig and fruit loops flattering. But seriously, did his jerkfaced Jimmy Dean really have to lay down the charisma card so thickly suffocating with polite affectations and keep going all showbiz talk-show to every sweaty stranger who stopped them in their tracks with a disgustingly-drawled beckon of his name?

One moment, James was holding Jett’s hand, tenderly rubbing his thumb over his boyfriend’s knuckles (a reflexive habit, it seemed, but an endearing one all the same), and juggling the stuffed paper bags in one cradled arm so he could stoop down to sneak Jett exasperated giggles and fleeting chocolate-chip kisses (James was one of those chronic post-grocery snackers, so Jett made sure to toss in some nice cookie treats or two in the shopping cart for him) as they talked about their plans for the rest of their treasured day off together; which resulted in the usual squabbles and tongue-in-cheek threats to shut up before the other’s cherry lips did the shhhhutting up for them.

But Jett can’t even enjoy that much, because everyone just kept getting in the way.

Have these rude litterbags seriously never heard of the side of the sidewalk? Trust the city of angels to be littered with devilish desperados looking for their next cheap thrill hit, carelessly sticking to boot soles and the roof of mouths like discarded cigarettes. Some frumpy Tweedledumb and their preening Tweedledork twinsy looking like Old Navy mannequins gone rogue, hanging around at CVS parking lots like their next illegal prescription fill depended on it always had a wry greeting, a smudged phone number, a halitosis-callous “ditch...whoever that total loser is you’re with and go out with me instead, why don’t you?” to sic upon James. Now Jett really wished one of the hockey hound besties would actually show up, so he could then sic them as an easy distraction for all the townie weirdos craning their necks out for a back-alley good time. Sure, Kendork might not fall for such a ruse, but maybe the helmet shortie terrier or poindexter nerd supreme could work well enough with biting off a couple ankles. Freaks, geeks, and wannabes were the new online trending topics these days too, wasn’t it?

James might kill Jett for it. Or James might actually have some spare brain cells in his elephant heart enough to understand that it was all a part of the fame game, just as much as Jett understood the best when to be a gracious gentleman and let someone else take the spotlight for once—nevermind that it was always inevitably going to get shined back to him. But this courtesy was saved for show premieres, press releases and junkets, and dazzling red carpet walks with fellow illustrious celebrities, not for some lame skeezebag with a pick-up line filthier than their fingernails trying to snatch up his man!

Jett couldn’t stand it anymore. His long-suffering pride absolutely would not stand up nor stand down for it, and he was on his last leg today. He could easily withstand a gaggle of fawning fangirls (‘big timers’ or ‘BTRmy’ or ‘rushheads’ or whatever the heck tacky title they called themselves—at least the Jett-Setters had a cool nickname to scribble all over the back of their lined notebooks) who wanted nothing more than an autographed Overeager Haberdasher headshot and a fantastical one-way trip into the esteemed James Diamond’s low-rise pants. Jett’s had some personal experience with that crowd himself, and more often than not, they were just some harmless little squawking ducklings with the occasional overexcited bitey oddball in between that a hefty bodyguard could easily handle.

But Jett would take that baby wacko wrangling any day of the week than having to deal with some disheveled unattractive rando shooting him the evillest eye that sent a cold shiver snaking down his spine and made him feel colder than getting trapped in a dairy aisle, while mister gross gawker pulled James’ ear real close and whispered something in it. Something slimy and deeply sickening no doubt, judging by the way James’ eyebrows shot up so high they disappeared into the luscious forest of his swoopy bangs. Even with all the various brazen flirtscapade moves Jett had witnessed against James today, that one was truly the lowest of shameless lows. If they handed out annual awards for Most Outstanding Creep, that stranger danger would win every single one without even having to show up.

But that wasn’t even the worst part of everything. Because Jett looked up from sulkily reshuffling his beat-up groceries for the nth time to witness James not immediately drawing back and defending his honour with a sword-fight (or maybe a more sensible shove-fight), and instead simply smiling his perfectly lethal smile as he made a firm grab for the man’s arm. And he leaned in uncomfortably close—making Jett crush up a handful of cherry tomatoes into bloody mush—and whispered something back, something that made the man’s sunken eyes bug out of their sockets as his jaw dropped to the floor and his Skeletor face burned red...even redder than the dripping fruit pulp that the enraged actor had slapped over James’ face in a rightfully aggravated fit. If he was gonna act like a clown, then he was gonna get treated like a clown.

The disgusting nerve of it all!

So no, it really wasn’t Jett’s best move. It was a move for sure, but causing a whole diva tantrum scene, dropping his crumpled grocery bag full of not-so-fresh organic produce for the second time that day, and abandoning James in the middle of the street with Abnormal Bates didn’t scream out superstar sophisticated—but what else was Jett supposed to do? Keep gritting his teeth and smiling politely to the ignorant vision-impaired plebians who didn’t have enough functioning brain parts to recognise and acknowledge his beloved presence? Keep letting those revolting schmucks get away with slobbering all over James as his clueless boyfriend did nothing but stupidly swallow their drip? Keep silently suffering through the blacktop-burning anger that blistered his perfect skin and made him feel hot and numb and shaky all over? Jett was gonna end up knocking someone’s pricey veneers out if he kept it up. Or vice versa, and he can’t get awesome acting roles and rock modelling his awesome movie posters with yucky dentures!

Jett didn’t know how long he ran for, didn’t really know where he was escaping off to, didn’t even realise he had curled up in some dirty alleyway next to an overflowing dumpster until the putrid smell hit him full-force and made him choke into nauseated rage and bitter laughter. Well, whatever. Maybe this was where he belonged right now—he was down in the dumps, after all. He’d laugh some more at his quick-footed wit if his twisted ankles weren’t actually killing him.

With a groan, Jett gingerly stretched out his feet, distastefully kicking aside a soggy takeout box as he did so. Really, he couldn’t have ran that far nor intensely to warrant such a kind of flaring pain. He seriously had to jump back on that elliptical. Or return to his weekly spin class with Anna-the-juice-cleanse-and-capybara-loving fitness instructor. Hopefully the wet market-smelling slimeball three stationery bikes behind Jett who kept ogling those unblinking fish eyes at him had finally decided to change gyms by now...

Jett’s begrudged musings were interrupted by a swarm of unidentifiable insects milling their way out of the discarded food box, as he started with a scream and curled himself up again and seemingly pulled fifty muscles in the process. Jett sighed resignedly. He was just so unlike his perfect baby blue boyfriend, who had the alarming workout ethic and brawny muscles of an ichor-guzzling demigod, who could compete in an Ironman marathon on a downright whim and win that first place red ribbon and sweetest Gatorade shower without breaking a single sweat, who could easily pick him up and carry him around like it was nothing and spoil him with supertastic cuddles like it meant the world and—

Jett only realised his grave mistake right as he felt someone’s brawny arms gently drape around him, the redolent smell of some toxic-man-branded ‘Cuda perfume, his favourite subtle spice aftershave, and the fresh sweetness of cherry tomatoes enveloping him and making his lungs hurt, hurt, hurt.

“Why are you still here?” Jett snapped, refusing to lift his head from his folded elbows. If he had to gander at that wide-eyed sad puppy dog look he knew all too well James was sporting like the latest Milan look, he was going to use the sheer brewing force of his evil will to zap him into a pretty-faced portobello mushroom (yes, very much like those meddling kids in Witches of Rodeo Drive). “You clearly don’t need me around!”

“Babe...what’s wrong?”

“I’m sick of people getting all upfront and personal and creep central with you! I’m Jett freaking Stetson, they should be looking at me, I’m amazing and gorgeous and like, the bestest superstar ever to exist in this slipshod city that I’m way too high-calibre to grace my brilliant presence with!”

“Seriously, is that it? You’re mad at me ‘cause I’m taking the attention away from you?”

“No, it’s because they’re taking your attention away from me, you dense idiot!” Jett’s tone had taken on a petulant whine, and he hated that he couldn’t help it. Just as much as James couldn’t help being so irritatingly...himself. After all, a good stupid heart got you some places, but stupidly good looks gave you the skeleton key to the entire world. Jett didn’t want to let himself open up like this, but James had to hear it from him sometime. If not now, then it would be never. “You crave all the attention and you get all of it whenever you want and from whoever you like and I wouldn’t care—but you also keep flaunting everything in front of me and practically shilling out VIP passes to your gunshow like you’re some kinda discount Oprah, and it’s really annoying! They don’t deserve it. They don’t deserve you.”

“Well, it’s not like I can really do anything about it—”

“Yeah, but you also don’t have to freaking enjoy it so much that you’re practically wearing me down with all the smarmy face-rubbing you’re doing!”

“Dude, seriously—ugh, look, believe me, I don’t really enjoy it as much as you think I do. And I swear I’m not trying to do anything like that to you like, at all.”

“Oh? Then why aren’t you acting like it?” Jett accusingly spat. “And seriously, why do you even like me, James?”

“What?!” James threw his hands up bewilderingly. “Where in the world did that come from???”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed by now or you’re just trying to play nice—‘cause you just love doing that with your innocent little boy act and shiny halo, huh?—but not a lot of people really like me. Sure, they adore me or fear me or obviously wanna be me but they never really care about me beyond that. And like whatever, they’re all just stupid jealous haters and unattractive losers who need lives anyway—but then maybe you shouldn’t have to put up with me, either. ‘Cause I hate fakers worse than plain jerks more than anything else, it’s so obnoxiously tiring. So. I’ll ask you again. Which one are you?”

“Jett, come on...we’ve been together for ages! What makes you think I’m still just faking all this?” James pleaded. “‘Cause if that’s the case, then I’m probably the best darned actor in the whole world and I deserve all the super cool awards and shiny trophies and stuff. But I’m not, you are. And if you’re asking me how I really feel about you, I can only really tell you one thing, and that’s I love you.”

“Yeah, you say that now ‘cause it’s what I wanna hear—but what if you fall in love with someone else, huh? You wanna settle for someone a lot less better than me? You’re gonna find your next love at first lousy sight and final happily ever after on these filthy streets and have your magical movie moment that even Hallmark wouldn’t freaking sell? And then what?” Jett’s shrill voice splintered into a thousand pieces, lodging in his aching throat and heaving chest and prickling his vision to a watery blur, smearing the beautiful image of James Diamond into bleeding bokeh lights. How easy it was to let him walk ahead and fade away, to leave Jett in this unknown alley stretching out to an obscure infinity so he can pick up his uglier pieces by himself and salvage what’s left of his shattered dignity somehow. “Then you’ll leave me too?”

“I’ll never do that even if you paid me a spajillion dollars,” James assured without hesitation, nuzzling his face on the crown of Jett’s head and planting small kisses all over it. Jett shivered lightly as the other boy indulgently breathed in the elusive fragrance of their latest experimental Tropical Coconut conditioner with shea deep moisture (Jett thought the packaging looked really pretty like him, James complained that he didn’t wanna smell like a beach, Jett called him an extremely rude rhyming word, and James gave up...well, after a little more physical persuasion). “And besides, what’s not to love? Like you said, you’re Jett freaking Stetson. You’re amazing and funny and super talented and surprisingly caring, and you can cook up exotic world-class dishes that could put every fancy-schmancy pricey restaurant in LA to shame, and you’re super smart with all those weird obscure history and fashion and culture thingies that even the genuisest person I know wouldn’t be able to catch up with. And yeah, maybe I get super annoyed sometimes, but that’s only because you’re also the best-looking person at the Palm Woods. Or maybe everywhere else you go, for that matter.”

“Well, duh!” Jett huffed with a bemused roll of his eyes, lightly beating a fist on James’ lap. “See, that’s exactly why I don’t even know why you bother with those scuttling street rats when you have me.”

“‘Cause they all want you too, it turns out.”

“...Come again for the big man?”

“You know what that crummy lowlife wanted from me? He was asking all about you, Jett.” James explained. “He said some really nasty things that he wanted to do with ‘your pretty friend over there’ if I did him a solid and introduced you ‘cause you way too busy with moping over the groceries to notice, and I had to very kindly tell him to shove off with sleazing out on my precious boyfriend before I put my pretty foot in ugly places the sun don’t reach. Believe me, I almost friggin’ did. I just can’t let anyone disrespect you or hurt you or speak about you like that, ever. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it...” he exhaled harshly and shook his head in resentment. “But luckily, you running off saved me from having to do anything really bad in the end, so there’s that.”

“Oh...”

“Yeah. And everything about this whole crazy sitch today, from our whole grocery shopping mess that was surprisingly fun to having to fight all those creeps away which was, well, not really so fun...all of it just made me even realise how much I don’t ever wanna lose you to anyone else.”

Jett didn’t respond. He couldn’t bring himself to, not without some oncoming embarrassing breakdown—and he’d had enough of those for one day, thank you very much!—so he settled for a sniffle instead. Maybe it was pathetic enough to sound cute. Or maybe it was the other way around. He couldn’t tell.

“I mean, do you know just how blessed I am to be with you?” James continued in an earnest whisper, lifting Jett’s chin to lovingly wipe off his cascading tears with the sleeve of his jacket. “That out of everyone you could’ve chosen, you went with me, James Diamond, the luckiest man in the universe? Do you know just how crazy you make me feel, babe? You make me feel so happy, so insanely wild for you, so much better everyday that I’m with you, and that’s never gonna change. As a famous pep-talking man always says, things like these come once in a lifetime, and I know that I’m in this for life. So no, I don’t care how many date-worthy people are roaming out there and asking for my number, ‘cause I’ll never feel anything as amazing as when I’m with you, and you alone.”

“Hmph...really?”

“Of course! You’re my boyfriend, my Jett-ski, the luuurve and liiiight of my life,” Jett scrunched up his nose at James’ unabashed cheesiness, making the singer laugh, “and I love you so much, and I’ll never stop loving you forever and ever, times infinity plus one. And I promise you with all my heart and soul and my awesomely smooth hair that I only have eyes for your gorgeous face, you sulky little idiot.”

“You better, or I’m poking them out with a kebab skewer—and it’d be a right shame, ‘cause you’ve got some pretty golden peepers on you and I’m gonna miss looking at them too.”

“I promise.”

“On your life?”

“What, the heart and soul and hair wasn’t enough for you?”

“See, I was almost convinced you weren’t gonna say something immensely annoying between all that glitter-sprinkled sappiness, which means that you’ve probably been replaced by an evil brainwashing skull-faced alien and then I’m gonna have to go all chew gum and kick butt on you.”

“Ugh, sure, I’m the one being annoying—and yes, of course on my life! On our lives together. And my lucky comb. And my cool white v-neck shirt that you keep stealing. And my gorgeously gorgeous washboard abs. Do you want me to go on? ‘Cause I could totally go on.”

“You honestly had me until that last part, which is a total lazy lie.” Jett snorted, poking at James’ stomach and making him burst out in a peeved giggle. “You’re starting to get all soft around the sides—I’m cutting you off from binge-watching Spanish telenovelas while scarfing those guilty pleasure Slap E. Cheese burger abominations with your sleepover besties before you turn all Stay Puft Diamond Boy on me.”

“Nah, that’s actually from you spoiling me all the time with your delicious home-cooking, ya big dummy,” James said, coyly spreading his arms wide open. “But does that mean you don’t want supertastic cuddles from your Jimmy Dean anymore?”

“I didn’t say that...” Composing himself with another tiny sniffle, Jett threw himself on James and smothered him in a koala hug, nearly knocking him flat on his back and onto the teeming insect trashopolis prospering on the ground. “And well, next time, you have to be super mean to literally anyone and everyone else who tries to get with you!”

“Ooh, you know I can’t do that, fuzzybumpkins. You know the paparazzi’s totally gonna tear me to beautiful confetti shreds if rumour gets out that James Diamond of wholesome boyband act Big Time Rush is a total jerkface to fans, and then the whole band’s gonna get in big time trouble with Gustavo and Kelly and big boss Griffin over all the bad PR, and we can’t really have that, can we?”

“Eh...who cares? You’re badly due in for an image do-over anyway, ‘cause the whole snoozy sweetheart show is really starting to go past its prime like rancid oat milk—anywayzies, haven’t you heard lately that bad boys and grunge gangs are making a surprising comeback these days?”

“Jett...” James sighed.

The actor pouted at his boyfriend’s hushed scolding, but slowly shook his head in begrudged understanding anyway. “Okay, maybe not then. But just remember that you’re mine, okay?”

“Awww,” James cooed, biting back a smug smirk, “I love it when you get all adowable and possessive with me.”

“Shut that little mutt mouth—and you’re still mine!”

“All yours forever, babe.” Jett felt James’ lips grazing his goosebumps-stippled nape, pleasantly warm and smiling with the quiet promise of forever, and Jett had no choice but to believe him. Curse his sneaky elephant-hearted charmer for being so good at making him fall in love again and again and still make it feel brand new. Being with James really was once in a lifetime, and Jett was deeply doomed and in it for life—on their lives together.

“Okay...the paparazzi’s totally not gonna...” Jett absently muttered, and gasped in horror once the realisation hit him like a charged clown slap to the face. “Were there any of them today?! Did you hear clicking cameras anywhere or see any E!News vans around?! Did they see any of this go down?!”

“Jett, chillax, I don’t think—”

“No, you don’t, but freaking listen to me—you may be fine with having a rowdy rockstar rep on blast, but I absolutely cannot have anyone seeing me, the amazing Jett Stetson, slap anyone outside of my show-stopping award-winning teen dramas—or—or even dumpster camping!” The shaken actor yanked his shirt collar to cover his face up to his nose and distrustfully looked around the dismal area, using his brawny human buffer to shield him from any potential showbiz vultures lurking around the corner.

“Hey hey, don’t worry—I’m sure we can take it on together,” James assured. “I’ve been through some way worse scandals before...like that song swifting thing with Kendall and Lucy, and Carlos and Logan accidentally terrorising street grandmas, and even Cher Lloyd getting real mad and going after my pretty face!” He threw in a mortified signature hand-face move for extra emphasis. “So we can handle it easily. And if things get out of hand, then...me and the boys will take care of it.”

Jett arched a suspicious brow at him. “Does your ‘grand plan’ for it involve low-level mischief crimes, weird crank calls and ridiculous costumes, and tacky tree hats?”

“Whaaaat??? Noooo, not at all, like we’re—we’re just gonna, y’know, haha...” a sheepish James coughed as he hastily knocked off the leafy headdress that had inexplicably popped up on him. “Like I said, don’t even worry about it, babe!”

“Suuure...”

“And seriously, I’m really super sorry I kinda caused all that trouble just because I didn’t pay more attention to you today. I mean, I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but I was kinda busy fighting off everyone else who wanted the same thing with a limp baguette.”

“I’m really super sorry you didn’t pay more attention to me too, ‘cause I’m not the one who’s missing out here!”

“Clearly not.” James chuckled. “Anyway...you wanna get outta dodge now or what? This is sweet and all, but the paps still have a good chance of catching us in a bad spot and we’re not exactly in the best setting for this rom-com movie moment to sell to Hallmark...unless we’re secretly filming a segment for HGTV’s Double Dumpster Divers Week and you’re totally punking me hard with the dumpster camping right now. Which if you are, then it’s working, ‘cause well. This place seriously stinks.”

“I think that’s the nasty feral pheromones of all those milquetoast flirters and desperate chancers clinging on you, actually,” Jett snarkliy pointed out. “But we probably should go now, yeah.”

“After you, my darling.”

With a graceful flourish, James stood up and outstretched a hand to help Jett out. Jett accepted it and shrieked in surprise as James suddenly whirled him around, holding him snugly by the waist and dipping him low before bringing him back up in a tight embrace, laughing delightedly at his flustered state. Applemint-cool breaths tickling Jett’s mouth, James cupped his face and leaned in for a happily-ever-after kiss, but Jett interrupted it with a generous pinch of James’ cheek, making his boyfriend cry out in indignant protest as he profusely rubbed at his throbbing face, now red as cherry tomatoes (but minus the smacking application of said fruit this time around).

“Don’t think I’ve fully forgiven you, Diamond boy—you’re not gonna get away with your crimes that easy!”

“What can I do to make it up to you? I’ll do anything, I swear.”

“Well, I think I have a few good ideas.” Jett grinned toothily, ocean eyes crashing with the familiar tidal wave of mischievousness James had come to both dread and look forward to. With the amazing Jett Stetson, it was always going to be a surprise, but he knew James wouldn’t have the light and luuurve of his life any other way. “But first, we should probably get that rotten smell off you with a nice long bubbly bubble bath, then I’ll whip up a super special, three-course, hopefully sewer disease-free dinner for deux, and then you could show me how just much you’re mine, babe.”

With their scores and plans finally settled up, Jett softly kissed James and gave his flushed cheeks one last fond pinch before intertwining their hands to drag him all the way back to the Palm Woods, their haul of battered grocery bags threatening to fall apart again, their coupled cicely smiles gleaming bright and sweet in the throes of a languid weekend afternoon. So maybe the grocery trip didn’t exactly go as Jett had planned, but it didn’t really matter anyway.

Going home was with James Diamond was always the best part of everything.

❝ so when i go, f♡♡k those stupid girls that don’t mind their business hope you know you’re the only one ‘cause i’d sleep on your sidewalk ; ❞

#i don't really know why i'm posting this messy garbage here but aye it's a Thing that exists now ig. throws it out to humiliate myself #this is just really bad y'all. i worked on it on and off during the course of a sickness haze and none of it makes any sense like. at all #i said i was gonna stop writing jamett stuff bc i'm so bad at their characters and keep screwing them up but this was a prompt fill so oops #i would like to issue a formal apology to my poor bestie who had to read this. and anyone else who had to see my bad writing and worse art #take it from me ceo of writing rancid fics feeling constantly bad about it and wanting to delete everything in five seconds flat ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #oh well. at least i had some kinda fun with it like i always do with my stupid himbo bfs shenanigans. if nothing else :'> #btr #big time rush #james diamond #jett stetson #jamett #fanfiction #fanfic #one shot #fluff #hurt/comfort #jealousy #insecurity #slice of life #grocery shopping #domestic boyfriends #idiots in love #schmoop #not in my mirror #james diamond x jett stetson #the line that starts the whole story #turn that thing big time! #nickelodeon #writeblr #stop it forever

[scontomio]

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[sparklepeacha4999]

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[elkkiel]

I would like to draw the other boys as cats but a) idk how much some of them fit with a cat? like III gives me ferret energy but yeah, and b) is there any demand for cat!vessels ?? in the grand scheme of things would I flood the market and overwhelm the fandom tags with an oversupply of fuzzy guys ??

definitely wanna try ferret III regardless lol I think that would be so fun

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