#snapes song

[cursedmoon-doll13]

If It Serves You.

(Headmaster!Severus Snape x Reader)

Cw: Non/Dubcon + Aftermath, Afab Reader, Dark-ish Snape, Unprotected Sex, Powerplay, Sex as Bargaining, Facefucking, Crying, Fingering, Creampie, Begging, Degradation (use of slut) and Praise, Reader calls Snape ‘Headmaster,’ Former Student Reader, Mentions of Torture/Child Abuse, Denial of Feelings.

READ WITH CAUTION

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary: As a professor of Hogwarts, your past ambitions, your fragile hope and unrelenting diligence have all led to nothing. Now, you are powerless beneath the rising force of He Who Must Not Be Named and his army of Death Eaters. The only thing left you have to give is your pride; your weak and vulnerable body.

Or, you beg the new headmaster to show mercy to your students in exchange for sexual favours.

Dividers by @/saradika

Of course, there was no pressing need to check and recheck the potions’ storage. Certainly no need to catalogue it twice. You did almost it out of instinct, or force of habit. Yes, It’s healthy to maintain a routine, including routine inspections, just like- just like-

“Professor ___,” comes a gruff voice from behind. In your nervous state, you imagine it is a Carrow, and freeze in panic. “Why are you here?”

You whirl around. No. It’s Professor Slughorn.

“Oh,” you straighten your robes. “Horace. I was just taking inventory.”

“Were you? I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself.” He says brusquely.

“Of course, of course you can.”

Your voice carries the same placid, appealing tone with which you’ve used to calm your pupils. You wince at the sound of it. Then, his expression loosens. Not immediately, but little by little, settling into the creases and wrinkles of stress and age. His walrus moustache droops into a familiar frown.

“I’m… I’m very sorry, ___,” he says. “Whenever I leave my storage unattended for too long, I take this terrible notion that some very bright and brilliant student is going to brew a polyjuice potion. Heh.”

His laughter rings rather hollow.

“Yes, those were my thoughts exactly,” you concede, heaving a sigh. “It would be so simple. Not for all of them, but some of our best could do it. And then they would make a reckless attempt at escaping, or even try to impersonate one of those Death…”

You stop yourself, and peer carefully into his face.

You’ve noticed how Horace has visibly deflated, how he has lost his colour over the past few months. How could you not? You would never accuse the Slug of being slovenly, but you’re well aware that beneath all the powder his eye-bags are as sunken as yours.

“It is unfortunate that one of my… One of our best…” It seems that he cannot finish his sentence. Nonetheless, you know who she is.

“It’s a very unfortunate thing,” Professor Slughorn mutters idly. “Very unfortunate…”

He’s fiddling with a ring on one liver-spotted finger. His lips purse periodically, as if a throb in his temple is threatening to burst.

“Horace, It’ll all be alright,” you try to reassure him, knowing you cannot guarantee this.

The only response you receive is a distant nod. He does not stop fussing over his ring. Then, he turns abruptly stony again:

“Well, then,” he says. “You’d best be on your way.”

He dismisses you as curtly as he would a student, but you don’t protest. You know that when you leave, he will pacify his anxiety with a sleeping draught.

As you exit the dungeon and traverse the silent halls, the early winter chill rattles straight through your bones. It seems that Hogwarts grows colder each passing day; colder and emptier. Even when teaching, your classroom is as quiet as death.

Alchemy has never been a popular elective, and now you are down to very few students. Some had also disappeared completely over the Summer, mostly those without Pureblood status or families to support them… You try not to ponder too deeply on it. For their sake - and perhaps also for your own - you keep it together.

Yes. You must stay stubborn and strong. Especially considering what you are about to do now.

You shiver in your thin robes outside of the Headmaster’s office. The griffin sentinel glares haughtily down at you, and for a second you fancy it alive, judging you guilty for some crime. Thinking this, You glance this way and that, wary of onlookers. 

But all of the students are asleep; or at least, they should be. Most of your coworkers have also retired for the evening. You here stand alone. 

You take a deep, shuddering breath. 

“Sugar Quill.” Your voice echoes eerily. 

The griffin does not budge. The new headmaster has changed the password, of course. You suspected as much, but it was still worth attempting.  

“Amortentia,” you try next. No response. 

You shift, acutely aware of how ridiculous you must appear; a Hogwarts professor stumped by a statue. 

“Polyjuice. Veritaserum. Bezoar… Asphodel.” 

Nothing. 

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake,” you huff, already spiked with tight, uneasy tension. “It was so much easier when Dumbledore…”

A low, heavy rumble breaks your train of thought as the spiral staircase emerges. You quickly mount it and climb upwards, boots clattering on the rising stone. It gives way to a large study lined with bookshelves.

You’ve made it into Dumbledore’s office. 

Except it is no longer his. You must remind yourself of this fact often, and each time it stings, like a tiny pricking thorn ingrown into the heart. The study is far draughtier than you remember; devoid and bereft in the absence of Fawkes.

No, Albus is not here. Instead, what scowls over at you from behind the Headmaster’s desk is the unmistakable face of Severus Snape, and he does not appear pleased to see you.

“Kindly inform me why you are in my office.” His voice is slow and measured, but you can sense the venom lurking underneath. 

“I don’t remember ever giving you the password,” he continues, alighting from his chair. “Or have you picked up that nasty eavesdropping habit from one of our pupils?” 

He spat that last word as if it was a curse. 

“No, Severus,” you say quickly. “I guessed it.” 

Severus. Or Professor Snape. But now…

You think you catch him pale ever-so-slightly, or perhaps that is the dim lighting of the room, casting dark, creeping shadows across the floor. While there has never been a cordiality or warmth to your relationship, you recognise that you have been spared the worst of his barbed hostility.

Before now, that is; now, the distance between you is far too great. 

“Did you now?” He sneers.

In response, you draw up, mindful not to appear challenging as you tip your chin. 

“I’m here because I have a proposition for you,” you announce clearly. “I hoped you would be reasonable and hear me out.” 

Snape’s eyes narrow icily and suddenly you are in his Potions class again, overseen with strict authority. One wrong move, and the concoction will spoil and poison you. His black robes billow as he approaches, expanding like the hood of a cobra. 

“There is nothing you could possibly offer me,” he says, folding one shrouded arm over another. “And so there is nothing to discuss. Leave.” 

Your nerves are strung so tight, you can’t help but object: “The Carrows are far too cruel in their methods! Too brutal. The students-” 

“Are very fortunate to have been granted mercy by the Dark Lord,” Snape interrupts, and you swallow thickly. Of course, you could not have forgotten the festering dark mark that now itches underneath his robes, writhing and serpentine.

“But it isn’t enough,” you say, throat sandpaper dry. A rush of urgency floods your system. Now. It needs to be now, before you lose your courage. 

(A gash on the cheek, a row of dark-purplish bruises and welts, a swollen eye, whippings and burns, scars from chains, all so frightened, but brave still.)

“If you agree to grant my students your protection,” your voice falters. “I will give… Myself to you.”

The silence that follows is agonising. His expression is indecipherable; taut and stiff. You’re beginning to think that maybe you weren’t transparent enough. 

Your trembling hands drift towards your top buttons, and you start to undo them bit by bit. 

“Stop,” Snape orders. 

At this, you freeze. Your heart plummets starkly into your intestines. Oh. You hadn’t even considered that he would - or could - reject your offer. You fear you may have tipped the bubbling cauldron over and left it melting through the carpet. As you linger numbly, Snape’s tongue darts between his lips. Light flashes behind his stern black eyes. 

Perhaps he’s considering it, perhaps… 

“Come here,” he says sharply. You obey. 

Shuddering in the winter chill, you watch the slow bob of his Adam’s apple, the twitch of his lids as his gaze dips steadily downward… Snape’s forefinger comes to brush the fabric from your shoulder, his knuckle grazing your collarbone, and your pulse quickens anew. 

“I’ll do anything,” you plead. “Please, Severus.” 

“You will refer to me as ‘Headmaster,’” he corrects.

“Headmaster…” 

You suck in a shaky breath. Standing this close to him, you can make out the lilac rims of his sunken eyes and the worry lines on his forehead. 

He’s tired… The thought springs to mind, unbidden. 

The hand that tends to the rest of your buttons is not rough, but the coldness of his touch makes you flinch. Snape pulls down your outer robes in one swift motion, and you can’t help but gasp. Your nipples perk from the chill, skin prickled with goosebumps. Underwear was unnecessary, and though you knew that from the start, you are stripped so quickly it still leaves you cringing. He moves to fondle your breasts, and your breathing shallows. You stare desperately towards the floor, towards some old, faded tea stain.

“Fall on your knees, ___,” he tells you. 

You kneel quickly in front of him, and he moves to cup the nape of your neck. You don’t need to be instructed; you do your best to steady your hands and unfasten the button over his crotch. You nudge out his dick, and see that he’s already half-hard. 

Before he changes his mind, you spit into your palm and use it as lubricant as you get to work jerking him off. You can feel him watching you, silent and still. This situation is completely wrong, all wrong, but the awkwardness of it is almost juvenile. 

“___,” he calls above you. You stiffen. You know that cautionary tone. “If you have enough cheek to wag your tongue at me, you can also use it for this.” 

You nod faintly, licking your lips. Of course, you should have prepared for this, too, but you have barely even steeled your nerves. Hesitant, you lean forward and run your tongue along the shaft, tracing a vein. Your movements are practically mechanical; dispensing small, kitten licks over the tip, continuing to stroke him. This is now a kind of out-of-body experience for you, the sort of bizarre circumstance you can only encounter in a very strange dream. 

But then, Snape decides your next course of action for you, clutching your jaw and muffling your whimpers as he sinks into your mouth. 

A teardrop falls softly onto your chest, and it only occurs to you now that you’re crying. You gag out a sob as the tip of Snape’s cock hits the back of your throat, unable to prevent loose spit from dribbling down your chin. Above you, his breath hitches. 

“Open your eyes,” he demands. 

You didn’t know you had closed them; squeezed them tightly shut. You peek up at his pale face. 

His pupils are blown wide, almost entirely black. Snape forbids you to keep eye-contact with a firm grip over your head, and you gag again as he rocks his hips. You clutch his thighs for purchase while he fucks your face, tears streaming down your cheeks. For distraction, you try to focus on him, and his pleasure-stricken expression lulls you in like hypnosis; the tightness of his lips, his dark brows slightly furrowed, the minute twitches in his jaw. 

Snape’s thrusts begin to stutter, but he tightens his hold on you and forces you to take all of him. He drags in a sharp intake of breath, and warm, slightly bitter cum pools onto your tongue. 

“Swallow it. All of it.” 

You gasp for air, gulping it down hastily. 

“You'll be getting used to the taste of me. Stand.” 

Snape urges you up and steers you over to his table. Before you can blink, you’re whirled around and caged against his desk. The edge of it cuts harshly into your naked thighs, and you yelp. You can feel his long black hair sweep over your neck, a sensation that is almost ticklish. Snape yanks down your robes and they fall limply around your boots. Now, you are truly exposed, shivering and naked. The only source of warmth is his body heat pressed into your back, the starched, dark fabric of his clothing. 

His cool hand dips around and feels down your stomach, and your breath hitches as Snape unexpectedly plunges several fingers into your pussy. You shock yourself with how slick you are, mortified at the way he tsks behind you:

“Little slut. Is this what you’ve always wanted?” Snape hisses into your ear, spreading the pads of his fingertips over your labia, teasing your clit. 

“Yes!” You choke out. 

“Yes, Headmaster,” he pinches your clit warningly and it feels like an electric shock. 

“Yes, yes Headmast- ah…!” 

He starts to rub in rough, merciless circles, and you immediately try to stifle a cry against your wrist. Snape rips it impatiently from you. 

“Don’t even try to deny it. I can feel how wet you are.” 

It’s surely not the truth. Surely, you tell yourself... 

One long, deft forefinger slips into your slit and pumps steadily in and out. You let out a soft moan, unable to resist the quivering thrill that coils in your abdomen. You didn’t realise he would even try to prep you, and, against your will, you feel some of your fear dissipate. 

“You think I didn’t notice, did you?” He scoffs. “Always so desperate for my attention, always clamouring for a better grade.” 

Memories of your seventh year at Hogwarts resurface and spiral dizzily in your head. The newest, youngest professor, but strict and competent, and— 

Dark, sweeping cloak, black hair, black eyes… 

I even once wished I could brush away the strands…  

Then he retracts his fingers, slowly, torturously, You hate how you yearn for his touch in its absence, how you crave the buzz to smother your discomfort. 

Snape bends you cleanly over the polished table, your still damp breasts pressing into the hardwood. He traces a long, thin finger down your back, tracing languidly across your spine; you could almost believe his touch is tender. Almost. Instinctively, you try to turn your head to face him, but he denies you with a firm hand gripping the base of your neck. You whimper as he lathers cold precum on your thighs, positioning his straining dick over your entrance:

“…Or was it praise you were hoping for?” His voice is low and subdued. Snape’s breath fans over you, and for a moment you falter.

No, of course you don’t expect— 

No, not from Professor Snape. Only your best was acceptable. To elicit a nod of approval, or even a commending glance, you couldn’t possibly hope—

“Headmaster, I— I only ever wanted you to…” 

“Beg for it,” his tone sharpens again. 

Snape slips the tip of his cock inside your folds. But then, he stops, and does not move. You are trapped between his desk and him, left pitiful and squirming. 

“Headmaster,” you say weakly. “Please.” 

“Please what, ___?” 

You grit your teeth, still bristling at the indignity of it all. But you know that, whether he’s enjoying himself or not, Snape has the patience to wait this out. 

“Please, fuck me!” you plead.

You gasp as he grips your thighs and slides himself in further with a lewd, wet sound. Your walls stretch around him as you adjust to his length. He groans softly and rolls his hips, sinking deeper into your cunt, until you’re utterly full of him.

Despite it all, it feels sinfully good, but his movements are so sluggish that you can’t help but whine pathetically into the wooden table. 

“And what exactly is it that you’ve always wanted?” 

What I always wanted, when I was in Potions class… 

“For you to p-praise me, Headmaster.” 

In an instant, you realise this is true. Deep down, you have always hoped for his sole attention… And now he’s invading that dark, primordial world in between, spurring on those secret and forbidden desires you should never have conceived. 

Snape slowly pulls out, dragging every inch of his cock, and then snaps his hips back in, briefly hitting that sweet, sensitive spot that has you seeing stars. 

“Please!” You add, letting out a shrill moan. 

“And do you? Do you want this…?” 

He mutters so quietly, it almost sounds like he’s begging you. Snape’s pace is set now, rocking powerfully into you as you fill the air with loud, desperate whimpers. 

“I do!” You breathe, mind-numbingly uncertain. 

But it doesn’t matter anymore if you want it or not; the sensation is so overbearing and so ruthless, unforgiving and unfair, just like him. You’re barely cognizant of the arms that curl around your naked waist, almost embracing you, until they provide cushioning against the sharp desk. 

“You take me so well,” he murmurs, “So well.” 

Your head spins, threatening to give up on you completely. You could never have predicted such a drastic change in demeanour. The way he’s treating you now is so different from his earlier cruelty; his affectionate caresses might be almost loving. 

“So tight, so good for me…” He groans again, heavily, and the vibrations thrill up your spine as he spears you on his dick. “You’re doing perfectly.” 

He kneads the soft flesh of your thighs, sighing blissfully. You can feel the spiking thrum of Snape’s heartbeat, the soft touch of his lips on your neck, kissing reverently over your shoulder blade. You wish you could just see the expression on his face, if you could only see Severus for one moment…

“Headmaster,” you pant, craning your head. 

“Don’t,” he says hurriedly. “Don’t look at me.” 

Snape doesn’t relent, forcing you firmly in place with a hard squeeze on your shoulder. There’s something thick and vulnerable in his voice that you can’t place, but all you can respond with is a needy cry as he speeds up, angling his thrusts just right. You can feel the familiar shock of pleasure coiling up in your belly now, surging from how deep he reaches. 

“I’m the only one who can fuck you like this, aren’t I?” He snaps without warning, bursting with emotion again. You can only nod frantically in response.

“Yes, yes, Headmaster!” You sob, your eyes stinging with tears again.

Snape’s movements only grow stronger, his breathing heavier and huskier. His fingernails are digging small, half-moon indents into your skin. You don’t try to stifle the wanton moans that spill from your lips anymore, clawing for purchase at the wood. 

“___… When you cum, you cum for me.” 

Uncontrollably, you arch into the table. Your leg is cramping up from the exertion, muscles pulled taut, and you’re going to, you’re going to—

Your orgasm drowns the rest of your thoughts in static, white, hot bliss that smothers you. Snape shudders and moans as he buries himself to the hilt, pumping you full of his seed. His black cloak sweeps over you as he pulls out, far too soon, leaving you quivering and dripping with his cum.

The last, mangled strands of lucidity swim hazily in your mind. It takes a moment for you to remember why you were here at all.

After a few seconds, he releases you from the confines of his desk without a word. You bend down and hoist the ring of fabric up past your hips again, though your skin is sticky and damp. After a deep, shaky breath, you dare to glance at Snape. 

There’s a thin sheet of sweat beading his forehead. Snape helps you pull your robes over your shoulders. He silently fastens your buttons back up again for you, and his touch is surprisingly gentle. You don’t rebuff him. Your hands are trembling enough as it is. 

“Promise me that you’ll…” You halt.

Your vision is still blurry, but you could swear he looks like the old Severus. Not the figurehead or the professor, but the man. The Severus you once knew. 

There’s a strange look in his eyes that you don’t understand, and maybe you never will. 

You’re so dead tired you can barely drag your feet back to the staff’s living quarters. You wake Minerva— or, no, she is already occupied by her usual routine of restless pacing, tugging at her tartan dressing-gown. While she does interrogate you a bit crossly, you can tell she empathises with your ‘insomnia.’

After that you gulp down a contraceptive and stumble into bed, boneless and weary. You don’t cry at all, though you feel that you probably should.

In a way, you’re glad that Minerva doesn’t appear concerned or worried for you. That means she hasn’t found out. There was a persistent paranoia in the back of your mind that she had, that Minerva had seen or heard or sensed it somehow.

You wonder if she’d feel disgusted, or if she would simply pity you. Maybe that would be worse.

You flick your wand and flush out the light.

No. No one needs to know what you’ve done.

A month passes. The grip of winter releases its hold, and spring emerges in its wake, fresh and pure. It’s as if you can finally breathe again.

You hope that you do not imagine the way your student’s faces regain some semblance of warmth. You hope you do not imagine the unmarred bodies, mercifully free from wounds. You also hope that it is not their own schemes or plans that embolden them.

They should leave those matters to you.

Somehow, it feels like the nightmare is almost over. But not yet. Not yet. You still await your orders, and nurse lofty dreams of freedom in your heart.

When night falls, you strip off your underclothes and climb the spiral staircase once more. It is not excitement that tightens your chest, but it is also not dread. Perhaps something else you also do not understand, and cannot afford to think of now.

Headmaster Snape is standing by his desk. You realise he’s been waiting for you. He has that strange, mystifying look in his eyes again.

He offers you a hand.

“Come here,” he says.

#I made this suggestion in the discord and fully intended on following through #the title is from a song by The Shyness of Strangers #that made me think of him #my longest smut fic so far lets go lets go #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter and the deathly hollows #severus snape #snape x reader #dark snape #headmaster snape #snape fanfiction #snape smut #severus snape x you #severus snape x reader #smut #angst #afab reader #tw dub con #tw degradation

[slitheriyn]

thank you for the venom

#severus snape #pro snape #professor snape #doodle! #i think he would have funky little veiny scars #i found the perfect brush for painting YAYYY finally ^_^ #obligatory mcr song title caption

[dinxieyinxie]

more casual blorbos nyehehe

they go thrifting together i just know it !!! ><

#severus snape #young snape #yonal linx #snape in grunge fashion i am looking very much #grunge snape #dinxdraws #dirty worn-out ahh converse buddies #a buddy of mine hc snape to have band tees so i made him wear the smiths bc i think he'd like their songs yesss

[thetorturedpoetsintern]

mid second wizarding war

Severus: We can't be friends.

You: But I'd like to just pretend. You cling to your papers and pens.

Severus: Wait until you like me again. Wait for your love...

#severus snape #snapedom #prosnape #severus snape x reader #snape x reader #inspo from we can't be friends (wait for your love) - ariana grande #she gave us so many songs to use for fandoms with eternal sunshine

[thetalesofprince]

The last song of the old year.

May the new one bring some joy to you all.

New Years Eve

Drawn in 2022, finished in 2023.

#severus #pro severus snape #severus snape #severus snape fanart #snape fandom #snape community #halfbloodprince #last song #new year #happy new year #love you all

[sneverussape]

it’s may, it’s may, the lusty month of may 💐

#i’ve had this song stuck in my head for ages #anyway sev is being dramatic #all he needs to do is ask and the malfoys shall give #but i think all he really wants to do in this particular moment is to finish his book #and lucissa are being far too distracting #my art #snape #the malfoys #the snalfoys #lucius malfoy #narcissa malfoy #hp #snucissa #<- can’t believe I forgot that tag SKSKKS

[madfantasy]

قُمْ 🗣

He just got up, you know? 24.11.2022

#my art #severus snape #character design #drawing #painting #artists on tumblr #barely #animated #i was trying to make him walk with the song beat but that ment spending another 2 weeks on this c8

[kookooka2]

I've been meaning to tell you

I think your house is haunted

Your dad is always mad, and that must be why

And I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates

Then you won't have to cry

#not me getting emotional over a taylor swift song #snily friendship #snily fanart #snily #lily x severus #severus x lily #lily evans #lily evans fanart #severus snape #young snily #snape #seven taylor swift #kookooka2 #lily evans potter

[pssherri]

"Through all these years that faith lives on. Somehow"

first pic is around 80`s and second one is +- after "halfblood prince"

#snucius #severus x lucius #severus snape #lucius malfoy #this song is snucius coded #harry potter #fan art #hp #digital art #illustration #i hope the audio icon looks okay #anyway #enjoy #Spotify #old ones because i draw goddamn furry stuff at that very moment #jesus christ

[mourningliliesmorningglories]

Marauder characters as variations of “know it’s for the better” from waiting room by phoebe bridgers

Know it’s for the better: sirius, peter, severus

No, it’s for the better: remus, regulus, barty

Know, it’s for the better: james, lily, mary, evan

#harry potter #marauders #sirius black #james potter #regulus black #remus lupin #barty crouch jr #phoebe bridgers #i couldn’t stop thinking of them and this song #lily evans #mary macdonald #severus snape #sad sad times man

[smilingformoney]

I’m the villain in my own story my actions have gone way too far [x]

#severussnapeedit #hpedit #severus snape #hp #snape #mygifs #me making an angsty snedit out of a comedy song? #it's more likely than you think

[slitheriyn]

first friend

#severus snape #lily evans #snily friendship #harry potter fanart #doodle! #ive been listening to the song alot.... (T_T)

[dinxieyinxie]

This PMV tells the story of what happened to each of them after Hogwarts. Yonal's part, in particular, he left Hogwarts during 5th year to attend his mother's funeral back in the Philippines, hence why he never had a 'proper (wizarding) education' but instead, finished their education in a muggle school. He maintained contact with the two for as long as he could but for some unknown reasons, they started gradually fading. Severus was the first to cut ties with him.

He never found out about Lily's death until a few months after when Charlie Weasley handed him a Daily Prophet newspaper. It's no wonder she stopped sending him letters.

Still frames under this cut if you wanna see :]

bat head reference from @/kaypeacreations

#severus snape #young snape #yonal linx #lily evans #professor snape #dinxdraws #army dreamers #first pmv!!! #so happy with how this came out :] #this song had been an earworm i cant escape it

[ironborealis]

So this post appeared on my feed because I was dumb and said I was interested in things tagged "Severus Snape" because I forget how things work sometimes.

I gave them a long response but I think it's a banger so I've cleaned it up to share.

To preface, I'll say that I was still in school when the books were starting to come out, and so I was in school during the period the books are set. I wasn't in the UK and can't speak to specifics there, but my own.

Your question feels really disingenuous when you tag it #james potter supremacy but I am a fool and going to answer you honestly anyway.

I liked Snape the moment it was revealed in the first book that he wasn't the villain -- because it showed him as someone who gave no fucks about how others saw him. I had been violently bullied for years at that point, but was told that I needed to stop letting it hurt me or to stop acting in ways to invite the abuse. All I internalized was that it was my fault and I needed to change myself so that they'd like me. So meeting a character who just stopped giving a fuck about other people's opinions was fascinating.

The text doesn't, I think, intend for you to read Snape's behavior as incredibly abusive. A lot of his behavior to the students wouldn't have been seen as abnormal when I was in school. Unkind but within tolerance. He was a prick and the assumption with teachers like that was that A) don't take it personally B) If you can't do A then stay off their radar and count the minutes until class is over. I'm hoping that the sudden uproar about how abusive Snape is now is a sign that school culture has changed. Because you're right, it's awful, and shouldn't happen. But that's now, and not then. Then it was acceptable if not exactly encouraged behavior.

For me, Snape's teaching style would have been within normal limits and at least it wasn't false advertising. I saw popular "kind" teachers bully disabled students, throw coffee mugs, and choke slam 9 year olds. Those teachers were never punished. I preferred the hard asses who didn't pretend, but would restrain themselves to only demoralizing you with words. They never went half so far as those much beloved teachers. These were in schools that had long banned corporal punishment by teachers, by the way.

Plus, Snape's bullying is written in such a way that is so over the top and dramatic it's hard for me to believe that there's any real intent as he never follows through with most of his threats. He's amusing himself, which is fucked up, yes, but so is his situation being forced to teach children (a job he hates) by daylight and fighting a war as a spy by moonlight (a job he also hates).

When book 5 revealed his own history of being bullied the kinship I felt for him just kinda clicked. Game knew game, even if I didn't know it then.

What impressed me about Snape is that he made a terrible decision of joining the DE, he knows it, he regrets it, and most importantly he does something about it. He sabotages them and when he can't do that he tries to reduce harm as much as possible.

He joins a side lead by people who are responsible for his own traumas, who are unrepentant about their roles in it but still expect him to get over it. Snape isn't interested in pretending everything is fine with his allies when everything isn't fine and that's such a challenging and brave stance to take.

Because if I were in his shoes, my first instinct would be to swallow all my anger and stuff it in well inside me and pretend it doesn't exist so that I could be seen as agreeable and the bigger person. I know I'm not alone in that. However, that instinct has caused me so much damage that I will spend the rest of my life fighting that instinct tooth and nail.m, because what it means is that you are minimizing yourself and your safety in order to make other people comfortable.

Snape might have the right idea (but poor execution) when it comes to some people, but he falters when it comes to Lily. I was so disappointed with the reveal that Lily was his primary motivation, even if it's grown on me. He's so damned loyal to someone who wasn't even a great friend to him by the end. Lily smiles before she intercedes in SWM, which to me signaled that the whole scene was just a way for James to pull Lily's metaphorical pigtail (Snape) in their courtship and if I were the pigtail I'd be pissed too. It doesn't justify but it adds context for why he might want to hurt her then.

And Snape spends the rest of his life regretting his moments of weakness and giving his life to prevent Voldemort from winning, for a friend who failed him pretty spectacularly.

Most people don't do that -- they regret and then they try to get on with their lives. They don't want to talk about it. We're STILL finding guards from WWII concentration camps hiding out in suburbs after all. Snape doesn't choose that and that's brave as hell.

Snape's "redemption" is a hot debate, but I don't know that redemption is even his goal. He's just trying to do what's right. If he were really searching for redemption then certainly I think he'd have sought a more friendly relationship with Harry, if only on the side.

Which brings me back to how can you claim "James Potter Supremacy" when he's only seen in SWM, where he's a cruel bully to someone minding their own business (SWM takes place after the Shack per canon), and we only have the testimony of Sirius and Remus, a decade after his death, to say that he "got better" -- which meant not publicly tormenting Snape, but doing it in private. We never get to see this better version of James.

Sirius and Remus are highly motivated to put James in the best light possible to his orphaned son, which is natural, but it doesn't make it gospel truth. I think he may have become a better person with time, because that typically happens, and certainly he had the capacity for great kindness (befriending Remus) which makes his decisions to be so cruel even more painful. But he died and we never get to see any of him in canon except him being a complete asshole.

So why would you question how people can like Snape when there is so much more canonical evidence that Snape was a good person with serious faults than there is for James being anything other than a school bully who died young?

#severus snape #pro snape #professor severus snape #pro severus snape #The irony of All the Young Dudes written by #David Bowie #A perennial outsider to that point #Who's gender non-conformity was threatening to the establishment #Becoming so strongly associated with a set of characters who are emblematic OF the establishment #To the point that the Google tells me about the BOOK (their word) before the song #When the FANFIC demonizes the canonically gender nonconforming character. #Awful #flames on the side of my face #i don't want to live on this planet anymore

[sunflowerim]

I don't wanna say goodbye, 'cause this one means forever

Journal entries of our resident drama queen, Sirius Black. 12 birthdays. 12 entries. And a great deal of friendship, pining, love and heartbreak.

Wolfstar-Marauders hc. Word Count: 5155.

🌙💫

November 3rd, 1971

Dear Diary,

I am Sirius Orion Black and today is my birthday

I, Sirius Orion Black, turn 12 today.

This diary was a present from Andy for starting at Hogwarts but all these months I didn't know what to write here. Today, I asked James what he would do if he had a journal, and he said he would write about all his exciting days in Hogwarts so that it would be stored forever in pages.

I think today was pretty exciting, so I am going to start this journal, finally.

This birthday was quite different from the ones I've had before

My parents forgot to wish me. Or they just chose not to. Probably because I'm the first Black to have ended up in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. It should have made any regular kid sad but I'm somewhat relieved.

I was not woken up by Kreacher loudly cleaning my room in the morning (because apparently, my room must be squeaky clean on birthdays even though no one really comes up here except to reprimand me for something), but instead by James jumping on my bed to wish me. It startled me a bit but the change was welcome.

I was not greeted in the morning by my mother or father who, at some point in the past few years had started saying that this day was an annoying reminder (well, they never really said it but actions speak louder than words), but instead with a freshly baked pie which James's mom had sent because he'd mentioned to her in his previous letter that it was his "best friend's birthday". I liked that too.

People in the hallways wished me and it made me very happy; unlike when people at home wished me lectured me about my noble birth and it made me want to hide in my room.

I did receive cards from Andy and Uncle Alphard AND received some more cards from a few friends. (Remus is excellent with cards by the way)

I had no idea birthdays could be this fun.

I really hope I can stay in Hogwarts for a long time.

P.S. Reggie did not wish me either and I wonder what’s up with him. I was expecting a letter from him. But then again, my birthdays have never been a big deal in the family (what with my rebellious streak and all) so I suppose that’s okay.

* * *

November 3rd, 1972

Hello journal, it's me again.

It's not that the past 365 days were not exciting; they were. I just forgot to write about them. Also, I doubt if I would have been able to fit an entire year's worth of adventures in a single journal. Yes, we indeed had THAT much fun.

I am a year older today and once again glad that no one from my family has been able to ruin this day for me this year either. Somehow they just decided not to acknowledge that I was ever born. Maybe they would if I was more like Narcissa or Bella. But who'd want to be like them? Gross. I'd much rather celebrate the day with people who truly care about me.

One thing that did upset me a little was Reggie's behaviour. He started Hogwarts this year and was sorted into Slytherin like the rest of our "noble" family, but it's like he doesn't even recognise me anymore. I know that my being sorted into Gryffindor was a matter of disgrace to the family but I don't understand what that's got to do with Reggie. We're supposed to be brothers, but whenever I look at him these days, he looks like a miniature version of our birth giver. I wonder who brainwashed him like that.

Actually I don't have to wonder. I know it was our mother.

Anyway, Lily once said that I should be more grateful for things I have rather than complain about things that displease me, so here:

I'm grateful that James and Remus are in my life.

I'm grateful for all the things they did to make my birthday special.

I'm grateful that I'm not lonely anymore.

Most importantly, I’m grateful to the Sorting Hat for putting me in Gryffindor. I would have missed out on everything if not for this.

And I'm not just saying these because Lily asked me to but because I really mean it. I'd be nowhere without James and Remus.

That's it for this year.

I will try not to ditch this journal until my next birthday.

Sirius Black, aged 13, signing off.

* * *

November 3rd, 1973

I am now 14, and I've just had the best birthday ever.

It was a stroke of luck that my birthday fell on Hogsmeade weekend. I couldn't have asked for anything better. Also because 3rd years are allowed to stay in the common room till late, I had the golden opportunity of attending two celebrations this week: the Gryffindor Halloween party and my birthday. Yes indeed, James and Remus pulled all the strings to throw me a birthday party after our already amazing day out in Hogsmeade. I have no idea how they managed to put together so much but it meant a lot to me.

James gifted me a two-way mirror so we could communicate during detentions. That's the best idea he's ever had! And Moony, a.k.a, Remus (Moony is his nickname now; reasons: non-disclosable) gave me an enlarged disc containing muggle music (apparently it's called vinyl, and we need a vinyl player to listen to it). Frank says he'll find a vinyl player for the common room so everyone can listen to muggle music in general, but I have decided that I will be the first one to listen to this particular vinyl, alone. I don't think I wanna share Moony's gift with everyone right away.

I love the presents and I love my friends.

P.S. I have resigned myself to the fact that my journal entries are indeed gonna be annual and not as regular as I had initially promised and I think it's better that way. I'll be able to keep using this diary for a long long time. Until I'm withered and old and will need to use magic to write instead of my tired hands.

P.P.S. James, Moony, and I go by the name 'Marauders' now and we've made quite a name for ourselves in Hogwarts. Not something my parents would be happy about and that's exactly what makes it so much better for me.

As for Reggie, he never tries to talk to me in school and keeps his distance at family dinners, like I am an object of disgust to him. It's gonna take some getting used to, but I suppose I'll manage as long as I have James and Moony.

* * *

November 3rd, 1974

I, Sirius Black, 15, have a major crush on Moony. I know this is my birthday journal and I shouldn't be pining away here, but I cannot talk to anyone about it and will combust if I hold it in any longer. Hence, the journal.

James got lucky. He can talk about his hopeless crush on Lily all the time without any restraints and he doesn't care if she rejects him a hundred times. I can't say the same for myself. Not to be dramatic but I'd be pretty devastated if Moony ever turned me away the way Lily does James. Some girls have asked me out this year and I did go to Hogsmeade with one of them last month, but I cannot seem to get Moony out of my mind.

Not to brag but a lot of girls asked me out for the Yule Ball too but I had zero desire to be bored so I went in with Moony. In hindsight, it might not have been the best idea because going to a 'Ball Dance' and trying to dance around with Moony had me panicking throughout. Why am I such a mess when it comes to him?

Over the year, Moony has randomly brought in more muggle music for me and I have loved every single one of them. I don't know how he knows just what I'd like. He just gets it.

Frank found a vinyl player for the common room, but the seller also had another slightly broken player which he was ready to give up for free, so of course I took it and fixed it, and placed it right next to my bed. Now I can listen to music anytime I want. But mostly I'm not alone because there's Moony who loves music just as much and he often joins me and tells me all about these muggle singers I'm constantly in awe of.

For this birthday he built me a tiny shelf for my vinyl records, the keyword being 'built'. Sometimes he amazes me like that, by doing things himself that could otherwise be done quicker with magic and I love the effort he puts in for other people (even though he tries really hard to come off as this guy who doesn't give two shits about anyone, he's secretly a softie).

The birthday surprise was amazing as usual.

The Marauders' birthday parties have started to cause some real hype in the school. Even people from other houses come in too (not Slytherin though, never Slytherin).

Anyway, for my next birthday, I hope Remus just gifts himself to me. Or maybe I should stop being a little shit and ask him out. But before any of that, I have to be sure of his feelings too. So far he's been constantly giving off the vibe that he absolutely doesn't want to date anyone which means, I have a LOT to work on until my next birthday.

Merlin, it's gonna be one long year.

* * *

November 3rd, 1975

I, Sirius Black, am 16 today, and an animagus. I'm an illegal one so technically I shouldn't even be writing it down here (like I haven't in the past 2 years of attempting to be one) but my charms have gotten stronger and nobody but me has access to this journal. Anyone else who opens the journal is only going to find blank pages.

Moony, my beloved, is a werewolf (Hence the nickname Moony. Get it? The moon? The furry little problem? Yeah). James and I found out about it in our 3rd year and since then we've been trying to learn about animagi and transformation so we could keep him company on full moons and this year we finally pulled it off. My animagus form is a dog. Not that I mind but I'm beginning to think that all the people who have called me a little bitch before, might have been onto something. Except I'm not little. I'm huge and I really really really hope that idiot Snape bumps into me someday while I’m in my dog form. I'm going to scare the living daylights out of him.

James' form is a stag with huge antlers so we're calling him Prongs. We have decided to call me Padfoot, but sometimes Moony just shortens it and calls me Pads, and my insides start to melt. When and how did I become such a sap?

Anyway, I'm an absolute coward who hasn't done anything in the past year except pine from a distance. And the pining wasn't even mutual. It’s so embarrassing. I think Lily is catching up but Moony, that oblivious idiot, never notices. I'm not persistent like James so I'm not hoping for a miracle.

My birthday was cool because duh, I'm a Marauder. Prongs got me a leather jacket. Apparently, it was Lily's idea, but she still doesn't like me enough to get me something herself. But I'm glad she at least gave the suggestion to Prongsie because boy do I look smashing in it.

Moony got me a photo frame with a picture of me, Prongs, and himself and I really had to hold back tears upon seeing the picture. A little backstory: a few months ago, the three of us had got dressed in tuxedos and went to a studio to get our picture taken, as a joke, because we were that bored. In fact, I'd forgotten about the picture until today; the picture that looks more like a family portrait than any picture in the hallway of Grimmauld Place. It looks real and is currently resting on my bedside chest of drawers, right next to the vinyl player. Merlin, I'm really soft for him. Maybe I really shouldn't bother talking about my crush on him and give up on the whole confession stuff. I don't wanna ruin what we have right now.

Signing off.

* * *

November 3rd, 1976

TURNS OUT THE PINING WASN'T ONE-SIDED AFTER ALL. GUESS WHO ISN'T BITCHLESS ANYMORE? THAT'S RIGHT! ME!!!

Long story short: a few months ago on Moony's birthday, we almost had a moment I guess. His birthday party had just ended and people were slowly leaving the common room and trailing back to their respective dorms and the two of us were sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace. I was tired and I almost dozed off resting my head on Moony's shoulder (!! internal screaming !!) and I think he was carding his hands through my hair (!! internal screaming intensifies !!). Anyway, a slight tug on my hair woke me up and he was like 'Don't fall asleep here let's go back to the dorm'. I will never understand what possessed me at that moment but I ended up saying, "Let's stay like this for a little while. Please." And the way he looked at me after hearing that, oh Merlin. I cannot describe it in words but it was enough to give me the confidence I'd been needing for months, and I actually pulled him closer by tugging at his shirt and I'm almost sure I'd have kissed him if Prongsie didn't choose that moment to come down looking for us. I love him to death, but at that moment, I really wanted to punch his face. The spell was broken and Moony pulled back and I faked a yawn in an attempt to be nonchalant.

But ever since then, there has been this tension between us. I think I had finally made him stop and think about things and probably recently, he finally came to a conclusion because last night at 12 after Prongs had gone back to sleep in his bed after wishing me, Moony stayed back on my bed and following some awkward small talk, actually kissed me!!

And then guess what he said?

"I hope that's okay."

Well duh, of course it's okay Moons. It's me, and it's you, so it'll always be okay.

I was too stunned to say any of it though, so I just kissed him back to make him understand that I wanted this too. That I had waited ages for this moment.

I am mad blushing as I write this. This is embarrassing.

I will not go into any further details but yeah I'm really happy today.

Another important event that happened in the past few months is that I ran away from home after last Christmas. Yes, it finally happened and I was backed by the Potters. I live with them now and I'll forever be grateful for that. On top of that Uncle Alphard had left me all his money which I could access once I turned 17, so now I'm not financially dependent on anyone (which is very important to me). Again, I shall not go into details regarding why I ran away from home because it's gonna ruin the vibe of this journal. That's something I'd rather not vent about.

Anyway, it's been better since then. The Potters take care of me. Prongs takes care of me. And Moony takes care of me. A lot. Even Lily isn't as rude. I hope things stay this way for a long long time.

Happy 17th indeed.

* * *

November 3rd, 1977

Lily and Prongs started dating this year. I wanna say I saw it coming, but that would be a lie. I think I was almost as surprised as Prongs was.

I'd thought I would be spared from Prongs ranting about Lily once they start going out and at least have the last year at school free of "Lily this"and "Lily that", but I was wrong. If anything, it has increased. But it's okay because hearing him talk about random things while the Wizarding World is slowly heading toward destruction and war is calming at times. It also seems like he's become more responsible over the past year. It suits him.

Moony and I are okay, but I'm worried about him. With the current insurgence of dark power, it feels like only a matter of time before people start coming for him. But one thing's for sure, I'll protect him with everything I have. He probably doesn't need it but the very thought of something happening to him keeps me up at night.

We've all decided to join Dumbledore once school is over to fight death eaters and You-Know-Who. I'd imagined a safe and happy future with my friends and I'm willing to fight anything that stands in its way.

I was not in the mood to celebrate my birthday but because it's my last one in school I didn't protest. We still have fun but it's overshadowed by this constant fear of something happening to the people you love. We live among enemies. We go to classes with people who might potentially join the dark side and it's hard to ignore such thoughts.

I think I would have lost my mind without Moony beside me.

I love Moony and he loves me and we've decided to live together after school is over. I don't want us to stay apart in times like this.

I genuinely feel responsible for the people around me. Maybe I really did grow up after all. We've all grown up. 11-year-old Sirius would be surprised to see 18-year-old Sirius now.

On another note, I finally lost patience with Reggie. I found him torturing younger students because they were "half-bloods" and at that moment I could see our mother in him. Nothing could have prepared me for that image of him. I interfered and overpowered him, which resulted in a burst of insults; everything that our mother would have said in that situation, word for word. Maybe I should have started fighting him from the day he started calling Remus names because of the half-blood bullshit, but Remus always used to stop me. But this time, Remus wasn't around and I was not having it. I would have fought him again if not for Prongs and Lily, who were then doing their rounds as Head Boy and Head Girl. I'm glad they stopped me though, because, despite the anger, I was too hurt and was very close to tears which is the last thing I'd have wanted Reggie to see. I never thought things would turn out like this between us.

* * *

November 3rd, 1978

School is over and I'm currently living with Moony. I feel more at ease somehow now, than when I was at school. I suppose it's because I don't feel helpless anymore. James and I started our Auror training and with every passing day we're becoming stronger. I can fight death eaters and I am capable of protecting other people. Moony couldn't join Auror training because he cannot be involved with the Ministry but he's been carrying out other missions for the Order of the Phoenix, aka the face of the fight against You-Know-Who.

My birth family, as expected, has joined the dark side. The Blacks are supposedly among the biggest supporters of You-Know-Who and I've faced immense backlash because of the name I carry.

Living with Moony is one of the only comforting things in my life right now. We've moved into a small house close to the Potters and after a whole day of meetings and missions, I am so grateful for his warmth next to me.

A lot of my friends from school joined Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix and I see them regularly. We hang out sometimes like we did today for the impromptu birthday celebration Moony put together for me. But it feels like a privilege we can't afford. Not yet. Not when death eaters are running loose and You-Know-Who is gaining power.

* * *

November 3rd, 1979

James and Lily got married at the end of last year!! And of course I was James' best man. Their getting married has given me a new sort of hope that things will be okay. They have to be. So that Moony and I can get married at some point too. And we'll all be happy. After such a shitty childhood, I deserve to be happy.

On top of everything, Lily is pregnant, which means things will have to get better very soon. James Jr. deserves to be born into a peaceful world. I am going to make sure the kid doesn't have to go through what we all did.

Moony and I don't get to spend much time together these days because of our missions and it's hard but it's a price we have to pay to secure the lives of our loved ones. Being an Auror helps me with that. I'm 20 today but I feel much much older.

* * *

November 3rd, 1980

We lost James' parents to dragon pox. They left before little Harry arrived.

Reggie is dead. So are my parents. Reasons unknown. But I'm pretty sure they got into trouble with the Ministry like most other death eaters.

Anyway, that doesn't matter now. What matters is that I have to protect James, Lily, and Harry. I won't let the war orphan him like it did James and me.

The Dark Lord is after Harry. There's apparently a bullshit prophecy that states that Harry will be able to kill him and so that moron is after a literal baby. And guess who relayed that prophecy to the Dark Lord? Fucking Snape. I knew he was bad but how evil do you have to be to do something like that?

James and Lily are to go into hiding and I am to be their secret keeper. Dumbledore said he might change the secret keeper because everyone is going to suspect that I know about it. After all, I'm close to them and if I get captured, they might torture me to get their location out of me. I know I won't give in to torture but we're trying not to take any risks.

It's not going to be Moony either. Dumbledore has sent him on a lot of missions to try and bring other dark creatures to our side and every time Moony comes back from those missions, he seems a little different. I find it hard to communicate with him these days. It might be my paranoia speaking but I am not ready to take any risks. Moreover, after me, Remus is going to be the prime suspect of being the secret keeper. So we can't risk that. I've relayed as much to Dumbledore and we will be choosing someone unsuspecting.

Turning 21 was supposed to be fun but 'fun' is something I can't even imagine anymore when I go to work every morning and round up death eater after death eater or when I find myself staring frozen at the occasional familiar name on the list of casualties.

It seems stupid to write all this down in a journal but my head will explode if I cannot vent about all that goes on in my head, so in a way, I'm glad this journal exists.

* * *

November 3rd, 1995

It's hard to believe that this journal still exists and that it has been 15 years since my last entry. I showed it to Moony yesterday and he said I should try writing again. Might be good to vent. So here goes,

I turned 36 today. But James and Lily aren't here to see me now.

We lost them to the war 14 years ago.

I couldn't save them but I wanted to rescue and take in their son, Harry, my godchild. But I couldn't even do that because I was convicted of murder. They really went ahead and put me on trial for the murder of my best friends and everyone just stood and watched. Funny how easy it was for all of them to forget that James and I were brothers once they looked at the cursed name I carried : Black.

I'm ashamed to admit that I had suspected Remus of being a spy. That I had distrusted him which led to the real spy taking advantage of it. That spy, who of all people had ended up becoming the Secret Keeper for James and Lily and consequently revealed their location to You-Know-Who, who reached them and they sacrificed their lives to protect little Harry…

I don't think I can write at length about the plethora of emotions I have on this subject. It still hurts to think about it.

You-know-who too died that night supposedly but he's back now and we are approaching another war, hopefully to end things for good this time, and I swear on my life, I'll protect the ones I love. I couldn't save James and Lily but I won't let anything happen to Harry. Moony and I will see to that.

I had been shipped off to Azkaban and I stayed there for 12 years until I made my escape 2 years ago. I will not go into details about that either, for the sake of my sanity.

Speaking of people I love, it took some time, but I think Moony and I have been able to navigate through our misunderstandings. I've altered the spell on the journal so Moony can have access to it too if he wants. This journal is possibly the only keepsake we have of our childhood together. I told him that he may read it some years down the line.

About Harry, I don't know where to start. I love that kid to death and I'll never forgive all the people who made his life this miserable. If I had known the kind of life my Godson was forced to lead, I'd have made my escape sooner and rescued him. Both Moony and I had been under the impression that he was taken care of, so he stayed away from Harry's life and I thought about him from a distance. There's only one person I'm blaming for this - Dumbledore. We were stupid for entrusting him with everything.

One day, when the war is over, I hope we can all live in peace. Harry, Moony, and me. But for now, I'm just really worried because Harry always has this tendency to dive head-first into trouble and I'm too scared to lose him. I'll have to give him some serious talk soon.

About James and Lily, it feels like I'm being repeatedly stabbed with a dagger every time I try to talk about them. When we were in school, James used to say that he hoped he'd never have to outlive any of us. That he couldn't handle the thought of being left behind. Who knew his words would come true like that? It's been 14 years but the wounds are as fresh as ever. Some grief, you aren't supposed to move on from.

Anyway, time to wrap it up. Harry and his friends are going to come over in the evening to see me and I'm so thankful for the time I get to spend with him. And Moony.

P.S. Moony if you ever decide to read this, know that I love you. That I have always loved you. That I spent every moment in Azkaban regretting my decisions. I'm sorry that I let my paranoia get the better of me and blindsight me to all that I held dear. I hope you can forgive me.

* * *

November 3rd, 1996

I'm not sure I can do this but I think it would be wrong to not continue this birthday journal.

Sirius.

How could you do this to me? To Harry?

How could you leave us a second time?

The war is still going on but your absence is eating me up from the inside. Every place I go, screams your name. We were all supposed to survive the war, you idiot. You were supposed to continue writing in this journal till you were old and withered. You can't just not keep your word.

Just when I'd finally made peace with your long absence, you came back into my life and made me realise that I never truly had moved on. How can I go through that again? I'm not ready to say goodbye. Not again. Not when you did not spend enough time with me. We've been apart longer than we were together and I hate it.

Harry has been inconsolable and more reckless than ever. Losing you really shook him to the core and I don't know what to tell him when I can't even deal with this myself. I'm losing my mind at the suddenness of it all. All I can do is keep fighting so more people don't have to lose their loved ones. The fight at the Ministry was like fuel to the fire and the war is on the way to reach full scale soon. I don't know if I'll survive this but I do know that I will ensure the safety of as many as I can.

Against my better judgement, I did end up reading your whole journal, and Pads it hurts. It hurts so much. The way I'd give anything to get back our time together in school.

To get back James, Lily, and you.

Come back.

I think it was cruel of you people to leave me alone, to make me arrange and attend all your funerals, to make me go through all this heartbreaking ordeal. To leave me nothing but your gravestones to talk to. There's only so much grief I can hold.

You just wait till I see you again.

I remember you saying that 'Dust thou art, to dust returnest' only applied to us 'earthlings' and that you'd just go back to the star you came from. It sounded like a harmless joke in school but now I just hope I can reach you wherever you are, Pads.

I cannot continue any further but I'm somewhat relieved I could add one more entry to this, that this journal could have a closure.

Happy Birthday Pads. I Love You. And goodbye I'll see you soon.

Yours forevermore,

Moony.

🌙💫

A/N: I won't say that this song inspired the whole fic but towards the end I thought that the grief I wanted to portray with this fic resonated perfectly with how this song makes me feel so I listened to it again and it kinda helped me articulate things better.

And this is the cover I was obsessively listening to while writing the last entry :

P.S. To anyone struggling with grief and loss right now, I hope that you can be okay eventually. And I hope that it can get better someday soon , if not now. Please take care.

My Other Works

#song fic #wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #marauders #marauders era #jily #james potter #lily evans #harry potter #hermione granger #ron weasley #ronald weasley #ginny weasley #ginevra weasley #regulus black #severus snape #albus dumbledore #peter pettigrew #moony wormtail padfoot and prongs #hogwarts #by sunflowerim #fanfic #fanfiction #remus x sirius #james x lily #james fleamont potter #sirius orion black #remus john lupin #regulus arcturus black

[superfallingstars]

me making playlists for neville, luna, harry, and snape (respectively)

#when a song has a dead characters name in it 🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠 #hp #harry potter #hp playlist #neville longbottom #luna lovegood #harry james potter #severus snape