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plutoispurplw · 2 months

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Cardigan

Summary: Spencer is having dudes about his feelings towards JJ and reader can't bear it.

Couple: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Spencer being a bad boyfriend, mention of prision and drugs.

A/N: I just write this because haunted of my favorite blonde but ended up in cardigan. Second part is probably in saturday or sunday.

Second part!

All these years for what? He always gonna dude about their relationship.

After he was held hostage with JJ he started to act differently towards you, he was more cold and looked guilty when you tried to hug him.

In a case when you both shared a room, you lay down on the bed by his side, it was almost midnight. You try to move closer to him but he just moves away just a little, you get nervous for a moment but you decide to push the thoughts aside.

"Spencer I wanna talk with you about something important." You look at him in the eyes, sitting against the gray headboard of the bed.

"I notice that you've been acting weird and-"

He didn't let you finish, normally he wouldn’t do that and less in a conversation like this. "Please don't start now Y/N, nothing is happening with me. Let's just sleep okay?" The tone of his voice was annoyed and sounded tired, his facial expression was annoyed

You felt your heart break a little at his words but you tried to mend it by telling yourself that he maybe was frustrated with the case and that you have to stop overthinking.

Nothing was wrong.

You lay down again in the bed and put the beige blanket over your body and his. "Okay, I'm sorry, I was just worried about you and if something was wrong."

His expression changed again and he looked filled with guilt. "Don't apologize, you just were worried. Let's just sleep okay, sweetheart?" It was the name that he called you but it felt like ice against your warm skin. It was burning but you could bear it.

You started to be more worried, maybe he was having problems again with drugs? That would explain the guilty face that receives you when you kiss him.

Questions, that what you had so you started to ask him what was happening but he always denied everything, he thought that you were that stupid?

In the wedding of Rossi, you notice the looks between him and JJ, but you decide to ignore that even if it gives you a bad feeling in your guts, maybe you just were exaggerating.

Weeks later he and you were in the apartment, he was sitting on the couch reading a book, and you approached him and sat on his lap. Normally he would put the book down and kiss you but now he didn't do that, he kept reading like you weren't there.

"Spencer, what's happening?" Your voice was tired this time, you were tired of this, of never knowing what was wrong.

He put the book down and looked at you in the eyes, he looked annoyed by you again, and you felt hurt. "Nothing is happ-"

Now you were the one interrupting him, your voice was louder. "Stop saying that, I know something is wrong so just tell me what is happening."

He put you on the couch and got up, he was pacing around the living room, he looked stressed out and you were just looking at the floor. That's when he starts talking.

When you hear his words your mind when just blank, and your face doesn’t have any emotions for a moment, the only thing that could betray your sadness is that the characteristic light in your gaze is gone.

How he could heal and draw over your scars just to make new ones, scars that would never heal.

After that you started to cry, all your emotions were being poured into your salty tears. He tried to comfort you but you didn't let him.

"You feel something for her?" He stayed quiet, he didn't look at your eyes. That told you everything that you have to know.

How could he love her? You were the one who listened to his rants and facts. You were the one who comforted him when he had nightmares or couldn't sleep because of the memories from prison, from his addiction, from everything bad that happened to him. You were the one who always loved him and the one who would give their life without thinking for him.

"She is married and she has kids Spencer!" You yell at him, anger starts to grow inside you along with the sadness from your broken heart.

"I know," He calmly told you, how could he be calm after breaking your heart?

Maybe you weren't that important to him, maybe you were the consolation prize after all.

"Y/N, I love you, I need you to know that." His hands cupped your face, hands that were always delicate with you, like you were a doll of porcelain. For an instant, you were gonna get closer to kiss him, But you noticed his gaze, filled with guilt and pity for you.

You got up and ran towards the bedroom, the suitcase on the bed while you were filling it with clothes and your things. Tears wetting your clothes and your cheeks.

He then spoke again. "Please wait Y/N, calm down." He tried to hug you from behind you, it felt like he was trying to contain you.

You turn around and push him away from your body, from your embrace. "Stop saying that I need to calm down! You just said that maybe you still love Jennifer, how the fuck do you want me to feel about it?" You yell at him at the top of your lungs. You take a deep breath and keep packing your things.

He let you keep packing the suitcase, he didn't try to stop you again.

When you ended up filling your suitcase you walked to the principal door of the apartment, ready to go anywhere but here, you couldn't bear the thought of sleeping in the same bed where he told you that he loved you for the first time.

When you look back you find him with his eyes crystallized, the guilt was consuming him. Your fool heart broke again at the sight of him like this but your brain didn’t let you go back so you stepped out of the apartment.

After that you came to our friend's house and told her everything, she let you cry on her shoulder and told you to stay and don't go back still.

In the middle of the night, you woke up, wishing that this was just a really bad dream but that didn't happen, you were in the guest room alone.

Now you couldn't sleep without his welcoming warm that embraces you through the most cold nights.

After all, you always gonna be his second choice, the one that he could always count on to comfort him even if he didn't reciprocate your feelings.

You should know better than wanting to hug him and forgive him but you couldn't help that feeling, you thought that he was the love of your life, the father of your kids, the one you would die with.

You put your hand on top of your belly, how you were supposed to tell him that you were pregnant with his child after that? You didn't know what to do.

You felt like an old cardigan under someone's bed waiting to be found again and be used.

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plutoispurplw · 2 months

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Cardigan PT2

Summary: Spencer is feeling guilty and reader is nervous about the pregnancy.

Couple: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Spencer being a bad boyfriend, mention of miscarriage (not the actual baby), pregnancy nausea.

A/N: appreciate this and plss reblog

note: English is not my first language and I'm accepting requests!

The days passed. The team tried to reach out to you, to talk about what happened but you didn't answer except when Penelope called you.

She was the only one who knew about your pregnancy, she probably would be worried about you and the baby so you decide to answer.

"Hi Y/N, what are you doing?" Her voice sounded animated, it felt warm and made you comfortable to talk, she was the person you could talk to right now.

"Doing laundry at my friend's house, I need to do something to keep my mind clear."

"Dear I know you don't wanna talk about him but have you told him about the baby?" Her voice was empathetic, you know she was worried about your mental health and you hiding your pregnancy from him.

For a moment you felt your eyes start to crystallize, the wound was still new and it hurt. "I couldn't, how could I if he had been acting weird for the past months?"

"You're gonna come back?" She asks you again, her voice sounding more sentimental and nostalgic. You didn't wanna leave her too like Derek had to.

"I still don't know but we're gonna still be friends so don't worry, you can't escape from me." You try to comfort her with your words but you still feel like it doesn't work, you decide to send her a photo of the ultrasound where the baby was a little visible.

When she saw the photo she nearly yelled with enthusiasm. "She or he looks so cute already, I can't wait to buy baby clothes and toys."

"Me too."

Two weeks later you came back to the BAU office, and everyone looked surprised to see you there, you supposed that they already knew about the fight and that you left the apartment but not the reason why.

When Spencer saw you he looked guilty, you could notice small changes in him because, after all, you're the one who has been waking up by his side for almost three years.

The dark bags under his eyes were more noticeable and his expression looked like he hadn't been sleeping well all these days. His hair looks a little more messy. The guilt was eating him alive

Jennifer couldn't look at you when she saw you she walked to another place in the office, you decided to try to be the most civilized you could with them but it was hard.

How could she listen to you talking about Spencer being less affectionate with you and acting more distant while she knew the reason?

The only reason why you haven't yelled at her was because she had been supporting you after you had a miscarriage, she hugged you telling you that she knew how you felt. She comforts you

That's what hurt you the most, that they decided to lie to you in the face, that they acted like nothing was happening and yes, they never had an affair but the feeling was there, the stares, the internal jokes, everything. She loved him after all these years and he maybe loved her too.

You couldn't bear that thought.

You only talked to Spencer when was necessary in the cases, there was always a certain tension in the air when you both talked. The anger maybe or the sadness, maybe a mix of both.

You thought many times about finally telling him about your pregnancy. When you were pregnant the first time and you told him he cried, he was so happy about knowing he was gonna have a child and that he was gonna be a father.

He promises you to never be like his father and always take of both of you. He took care of you like you were a porcelain doll that could break if the air was strong.

When the miscarriage happened he stayed with you in the hospital, holding you while you cried. He was the reason why you got up from the bed even on the worst days.

In another case you were throwing up in the bathroom, the pregnancy nausea was the worst thing you ever had experience and the worst part was trying to hide it from the team.

When you got out of the bathroom Spencer was there and he looked concerned about you. "Are you feeling well? You have been throwing up these last days."

"Yes, I'm just feeling bad because of something I ate." You try to convince him but you can see in his eyes that he didn't believe a word of what you said.

"I wanna talk to you about something, after this case, you wanna go to the apartment to talk? You don't have to come back but I need to talk with you." He sounded nervous, it was the first time he looked you in the eyes after everything.

Surprisingly you decide to go accept. "It would be okay." Maybe you could listen to whatever he says, it wouldn’t hurt, wouldn’t it?

It was time to tell him the truth, for the sake of the baby and your mental health, you live worried about having a miscarriage again. Sometimes you fall asleep after crying for the baby.

After the case ended and everyone was back again in Quantico, you decided to go to Spencer's apartment, your apartment.

When you knock on the door you hear things moving inside and footsteps, after a moment Spencer opens the door. "Hi Y/N" He gave you a small smile, the most precious smile you ever seen.

"Hi, Spencer." You try to make your voice more gentle and you smile at him too. You cover your belly with your bag, just trying to cover your pregnancy for a couple of minutes more.

He moved to the side and let you pass, the apartment looked clean, and you noticed something on the coffee table of the living room, there was a gift bag of your favorite color. When you saw it Spencer took the bag and moved it to the bedroom, maybe it wasn't for you.

You walk towards the couch and sit on it, Spencer sits on the opposite side. The silence was awkward, you were playing with your bracelet waiting for him to talk.

"I'm sorry" When you turned to look at him you found him looking at you, his eyes were filled with affection again, it was like before.

"I'm sorry for being for distant from you, you didn't deserve it, I was an idiot for treating you like that and making you have questions all the time." His voice sounds regretful, his eyes stay on yours. "I'm not gonna ask you to forgive me if you can't, if you want you can stay in the apartment and I move out, you don't have to worry about anything."

You felt tears running down your cheeks, this was the end? If it was you decide to ask him the only question you want an answer "You love Jennifer?"

He stayed quiet and you thought the worst when you tried to get up he stopped you. "No, I don't love her, I was confused about my feelings for her but right now I promise you that I don't love her."

He got closer to you and wiped your treacherous tears from your cheeks, he cupped your face with gentle hands, hands that caressed your skin like it was silk. "I love you, you're the love of my life and If you wanna stay with me I do whatever you want, I can stop being her friend, we can move to another state, whatever you want."

You started to cried harder, you felt his arms involving your body like a warm blanket. Your face was hiding on his chest, pouring your tears on his shirt. You felt at peace right now but deep inside the sadness was still there, haunting you like a ghost.

He then tried to kiss you but you pulled away from him. He look at you confused waiting for you to say something. "I still don't know if I can forgive you Spencer. I'm still very hurt by everything and I feel like if I take a decision right now I would be rushing everything." Your voice was apologetic even if you didn't do anything wrong here, but still you felt guilty.

He gave you a slightly nod, a silent way of telling that it was fine. "It's okay, you don't have to take a decision right now, I will wait." He look regretful, you could see right through him and all you see was him feeling like he didn't deserve your forgiveness, a part of you felt like this too.

All the next week Spencer had been avoiding you and you also notice that he wasn't longer talking with Jennifer, just if it was necessary for the cases. On the weekend you were back in his apartment to take dinner with him that was more like talking and telling him about the baby.

While you were having dinner, you could't keep the secret anymore from him.

"Spencer, I'm pregnant." You whisper to him, he stop moving for a moment after hearing those words falling from your lips, the unbearable pressure on you was gone, it was lifted from your chest letting you breathe freely after a a long time.

When his genius brain started working again he got up from the chair and walked towards you, he pulled you from the chair too, his arms embraced you in a blink, his face hiding on your neck.

You feel how your body was being crushed in the most loving way in the world.

He pulled you from his embrace enough to see your face, he couldn't believe it. "How long have you know about the pregnancy?" His words were serious but you still could feel the happiness from knowing that he was gonna be a father.

"Since almost three months ago, before it happen all of this." His expression become remorseful, the happiness that he had gotten only moments ago was gone again like the waves of the ocean.

He then stopped hugging you and left the room for a moment, and minutes later he was back with the gift from earlier, and he handed it to you like it was fragile. "Open it, it's a gift for you."

When you open it you found a vinyl from your favorite artist and a pearl bush tone cardigan that had sewn stars of a gray tone. You took the cardigan from the bag and tried on your body, it was a little big for your body but you didn't mind.

"You think you can give me second chance?" He whisper against your hair, voice that sounded hopeful for your forgiveness.

You still were conflicted by everything but you know he was your baby's father, you would always be linked to him. A invisible string was tying you to him.

So you said the words that your mind keep telling you to wait more before speaking them. "I give you second chance."

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