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ickle-ronniekins · 4 years

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it was all yellow

request from nonnie!!! “hi love, wanted to throw out this request before camping ;u; only if you're up for it, for either of the twins: i'd love something fluffy inspired by one of my favorite text posts on this site: she guessed my favorite color first try.. but between me and u.. i didnt even have a favorite color until she yelled out yellow! she was hella excited n smiling like a little kid, so i told her she was right and i havent seen yellow the same since, its in everything. i could probably live in it now. 🌻”

pairing: fred x hufflepuff!reader

word count: 3k

A/N: love me a good cheeky fred. also this prompt was FUCKING adorable and i did try to incorporate the actual quote into my writing but some of it didn’t flow.. so i hope it’s still as good as you’d imagined?? also def listened to coldplay’s “yellow” whilst writing this x

tag list: @mintlibri @seppys-return-to-madness @how-do-life-does @fopdoodledane @fredd-weasley @iprobablyshipit91 @semmelsemi @cottageoflove @laneygthememequeen @snakesonaplane-7 @lupinsx @keoghans @helloallthethingsilove @waschbiber @dreamer821 @the-hufflepuff-of-221b @62442-am @wtfweasleyy @obsessedwithrandomthings @thoseofgreatambition @harrysweasleys @sleep-i-ness @shadowsinger11 @shadychaoticcollection @haphazardhufflepuff @afriendlyneighborhoodhufflepuff @hood-and-horan @letsfightsomeorcs @theweasleysredhair @purpleskiesstorm @hxfflxpxffs @wand3ringr0s3 @finecole @angelinathebook @highly-acidic | message me to be added, loves!

“Mr. Weasley!”

Umbridge’s voice is shrill, and it immediately pulls Fred out of his daydream-like state, but not quickly enough for him to turn his attention toward his professor and avoid making incredibly embarrassing eye contact with you. The entire class, much to his dismay, turns to glance at him -- you included. It’s unlike him to feel so insecure, so embarrassed, but alas -- here he is.

“Yes, Professor?”

“Is there a reason,” Umbridge hisses, the edges of her lips curling into a rather evil smirk, “that you’ve chosen to completely ignore me during the lesson?”

Fred considers this for a moment. He could take this opportunity to explain to his professor that yes, now that you mention is, there is a reason. A huge reason. He could then proceed to tell you about all of the overwhelming feelings that have seemed to take over him the last few weeks. It could be a grand gesture, couldn’t it? Scooping you up into his arms, sliding a hand around the back of your neck, telling you just exactly what keeps him up at night -- that adorable smile of yours, and the pineapple scent in your hair. It’d be all the castle would be able to talk about, wouldn’t it? Plus, to be able to ignore Umbridge even more and do something so utterly abysmal in the middle of her lesson and have the rest of the students cheer him on, well -- it’s something Fred’s always dreamt of.

“I’d love to see the look on Umbridge’s face if I ever chose to cause mayhem in the middle of one of her lessons,”

“Easy there, Freddie. Don’t want to go getting any more detentions, do we?”

“Darling, mischief is my middle name. I need to prank. My life depends on it.”

“That’s a bit dramatic, isn’t it? Just trying to look out for you, is all.”

“You’ve really got that Hufflepuff stereotype of ‘loyal’ down -- you know that, right?”

He supposes, when he thinks about it now, that you were right. You’re always right. He reckons it wouldn’t be such a good thing to cause such an uproar, especially since Umbridge is nearly always on his tail, and is one step closer to knocking Dumbledore out of his post as Headmaster. Fred doesn’t want to give her any more of an edge, does he?

Next to him, George brings Fred back, yet again, from another daydream with a quick kick to his knee. He grips the desk tightly and hopes that his face isn’t flushing bright red. Umbridge’s smirk grows even deeper, and Fred, ignoring his instincts to grab you and run out of the lesson right this instant, merely clears his throat. “No. There isn’t.”

“Good,” Umbridge hisses again, turning her attention back toward the board. “Now, to continue..” Fred relaxes a bit and slumps in his seat, feeling rather grumpy, but his spirits lift almost immediately, and his insides seemingly twist into a tight knot when you send him a soft smile from across the room.

-- -

Fred is shaken awake, only to be face to face with a very cheeky looking George, who then proceeds to throw a notebook straight into Fred’s cheek.

“Oi!” Fred shouts, coming to, bringing his hand to his jaw. “What the bloody hell was that for?”

“You do realize it’s the middle of the day and you’ve fallen asleep directly in the middle of the courtyard, yes?”

Fred kicks the younger twin with his foot, and George and Lee begin to laugh. Fred had been having quite a lovely sleep, thank you very much, and is now annoyed that his brother and friend had chosen to wake him. As he sits up from the bench, adjusting his loose tie and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Lee offers, “You talk a hell of a lot in your sleep, mate.”

Much to his horror, Fred freezes. This whole talking-in-his-sleep thing is relatively new -- he’d never, ever done that before. It seemed to have happened to him a couple of weeks ago, when he began repeating the days’ events -- ones that included you -- over and over in his mind before falling into a peaceful, and rather deep, slumber. It seemed to have happened when he started to look at you in a new light.

“And what exactly was I saying?” Fred asks, trying to shrug off his nervousness.

George and Lee both suppress a laugh and share a cheeky exchange, and Fred feels his heart leap into his throat. “Oh, you know.. mumbling on about lessons, and things. Bits of parchment you need to finish. Normal musings.”

Fred sighs rather dramatically before relaxing again. He hates this whole being-on-edge thing that comes with having a massive, over-the-top crush on you. “Oh,” George continues, his grin only growing larger, “and something about Y/N being the colour of sunshine, or something?”

As Fred’s eyes widen with embarrassment, George and Lee’s laughter only seems to grow louder and it echoes across the courtyard. This grabs your attention from across the way, and you smirk at Fred. You seem to be working on a bit of homework -- you’re leant against a large tree with your bag and robe next to you on the ground. Your hair is pulled back and you’ve got the end of your quill in your mouth, as if you had been pondering something right before you met Fred’s gaze.

“Thank Merlin she wasn’t over here, or you would’ve scared the poor girl away,” Lee says in a mocking sort of voice, which only seems to intensify Fred’s nerves.

Fred can’t help but fall into a bit of laughter with his friends too, even though the mere fact that he’d been talking in his sleep, about you, in the middle of the courtyard, makes his entire body hurt. ‘Thank Merlin’ is right.

-- -

The colour of sunshine. Ugh. How could he have been so painfully cheesy? Fred thinks about this all day long -- through every lesson, through every stroll down the corridors, through every bite of the evening feast. He can’t simply believe he’s said this out loud, even though it’s true. The truest words that have ever come out of his mouth, even. You are the colour of sunshine.

Simply bright and beamingly so -- the most beautiful of yellows.

You, he reckons, are pure warmth -- enough to soothe him on even the coldest of days.

“You know,” your voice, now closer than it seems, makes Fred jump and snap out of his own thoughts, much to George’s amusement, “this whole not-being-able-to-eat-with-your-mates-from-other-houses thing is simply stupid.”

“Why don’t you go and give Umbridge a piece of your mind, eh?” George asks you.

Your grin deepens, but you shake your head and begin to shovel dessert onto your plate. “It’s her own fault if she doesn’t notice a Hufflepuff amongst a group of Gryffindors. She’s supposed to be the Hogwarts High Inquisitor,” you say a bit stuffily, as if to imitate the woman in question, “is she not?”

“Brilliant,” Fred replies as he finds his voice. “An uncanny impersonation.”

You flip your hair over your shoulder and Fred notices a dimple appear on your cheek. He finds himself lost in your eyes as you peer at him softly over the top of your teacup, which you’ve brought slowly to your lips.

Fred’s happy to hear when you bring his all time favorite thing about the magical world into conversation and does his very best to hide his ever-obvious feelings. “Rumor has it McGonagall and Dumbledore have been pleading with Umbridge to let Gryffindor play Quidditch this year,” you tell the twins.

They peer at you with confusion. “What?” they ask together. Fred continues, “Why? What’s she going to do -- ban all teams except Slytherin? Then they’ve got nobody to verse,” he lets a laugh escape his lips.

George huffs a bit before sipping his tea. “She’s such a bloody idiot. No, I will say it louder, Ron,” George shoots his younger brother a look as Ron closes in on himself a bit, “she’s a power-hungry, egotistical toad who has no business running a bloody school.”

“The truest statement,” you point at him and then bite into your cauldron cake, “but no worry -- she’s apparently agreed to the whole Quidditch thing. Now you two’ve just got to smack the bludgers straight at Crabbe and Goyle’s heads. They’re certainly large enough -- should be easy targets.”

Fred cannot help the enormous laugh that escapes him due to your joke; in fact, he’s sort of surprised it’s only gotten the attention of half of the Great Hall, because it seems to have echoed throughout the entirety of the large room, reverberating off of the walls. Unfortunately, though, Umbridge notices and makes a beeline right toward the Gryffindor table. You turn to Fred and George, shrug your shoulders a bit and proceed to roll your eyes at the very pompous “hem-hem” that is too disturbingly sweet and high-pitched in your ears. “Miss Y/L/N,” she says in her most mocking tone of voice, “please correct me if I am mistaken but I’ve assumed by the yellow color on your robes that you are a Hufflepuff and not, in fact, a Gryffindor, as you’ve so decidedly claimed yourself.”

You turn toward her, a very large grin painted across your face, and simply reply, “No need for corrections here, ma’am.”

“Good,” Umbridge says curtly before turning on her heel. “Best return to your house table, then, before we slip you lot into detention, yes? I do hope it was worth the embarrassment, Miss.”

Embarrassment? Please. You stand up from your seat and chug the rest of your tea and pop the rest of your cauldron cake back into your mouth. You lean against the table, reaching across to the other end to grab yourself another pastry, and get as close to Fred as you possibly can. He notices a bit of a twinkle in your eye, something that’s suddenly driving him absolutely mad, when you say to him and only him, “Definitely worth it.”

A very cozy feeling sweeps itself through Fred’s bones.

-- -

The Gryffindors are lucky to have such two stealthy beaters on their team, because Fred and George know the ins and outs of the castle like nobody else. This comes in handy after a playful, late night match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, when the twins are able to sneak the entire Hufflepuff team, and even a few spectators, into the Gryffindor Common Room.

And as if he isn’t excited enough already at the pure theatrics of this entire thing, Fred finds himself smiling even more so at the sight of you, nestled in a corner with a few others, a Butterbeer clutched tightly in your hands, your cheeks rosy and flushed.

He’s reminded of a few weeks ago when he snuck into the Hufflepuff Common Room with you -- very late at night --

“Don’t you trust me?” you’d asked, taking his hand in yours.

His heart had skipped a few beats, if he was being honest.

“Merlin, it’s bright in here!” Fred had exclaimed when you’d both entered. The inviting colours had swirled around him. “How you people get any work done is beyond me. I’d never be able to focus --”

You’d laughed and shoved him. “Fred, you can’t focus, regardless.”

He’d just shrugged and sat down next to you near the fire. The entire room was empty except for the two of you. “I’ll give you that one. It’s just -- it’s so much different from our common room.”

“Well, it’s bright yellow. Plus, it feeds to all of the ‘Puffs' personalities. What did you expect, silly?”

He’d smiled at you, nestling himself comfortably against the edge of the couch. I haven’t seen yellow the same since, he’d wanted to tell you, especially because of the golden colour of your hair. “Nothing more, nothing less. Besides, I’ve got to say -- I’m rather fond of it, actually.”

His heart had nearly constricted at the feeling of you placing your head onto his shoulder. He’d been happy you couldn’t see the shock rising on his face in that of a crimson red colour, since you’d been so focused on staring into the flames. He’d suddenly felt warm -- incredibly warm. He’d willed himself to believe it was the fire, and not the feeling of your soft hair brushing against his neck. “Oh yeah? Yellow your favourite colour, and all?”

I could get lost in it, actually. Fred had to force himself to swallow over his own nerves a few times before he’d been able to say, “You could say that.”

Now, in the Gryffindor Common Room, he darts past a very confused looking Neville and plops himself down next to you, completely ignoring the fact that he’s interrupting your conversation with the others. “Hey,”

“Well hi,” you say, turning your attention toward him. He can smell the pineapple scent of your shampoo and is nearly sent into a dizzying overdrive, but he does his best to focus on the feeling of the cold glass in his fingers. “Great match.”

“Even if we did beat you guys?”

“Yeah,” you reply tersely, “Hufflepuff’s saving their strength for your actual match so they can kick your arses.”

Fred laughs haughtily and scoots a little closer to you on the steps as the others around you both disperse and head off in their respective directions. He can hear the steady pounding of his own heartbeat in his ears and decides to take a leap of faith. “Maybe. Although I will say -- you’ve got to be more careful with your leering, love.”

“Meaning?”

“Pretty sure you didn’t take your eyes off of me the entire time. You were full-on staring.”

Fred notices the pink on your cheeks seemingly deepen a bit, but you don’t let on to any embarrassment. He grins at you. “Perhaps I was. And if you’ve noticed, it means you were watching me back,”

His smile only grows at your mock voice. He replies with the same tone, “Perhaps I was.”

“You can’t do that during an actual match though, sir,” you tell him, bringing your goblet to your lips and sipping significantly, “otherwise you’re going to be distracted and I reckon you’ll be hit with a bludger, don’t you?”

Fred twirls his goblet in his hands, desperately trying to read your face and your tone. He’s having a hard time deciphering. “You do make a good point.”

“Besides,” you continue, a small smirk making the edges of your lips curl, “we can’t have you getting distracted. Although, I understand how difficult it can be -- considering I’m the colour of sunshine, and all.”

It takes a moment and a laugh before Fred’s registered what you’ve said, and you glance back down at your goblet, giggling into it a bit, and he shakes his head before turning to look at George and Lee, who seemingly have been watching you two this entire time, because they immediately glance away and immerse themselves in conversation with others around them.

“And we know how brilliantly blinding sunshine can be, don’t we, Fred?”

Someone’s playing very loud music and Fred wonders how Umbridge hasn’t caught you all yet. Or perhaps, he thinks, maybe the booming just sounds louder in his own ears.

“Almost as blinding as love, d’you reckon?”

Fred feels that warm, homely feeling take him over yet again -- but this time, he knows it’s not from the butterbeer, or the raging fire. He doesn’t even try to pretend. It’s all from you.

“Yeah, yeah -- tease all you want,” he says as confidence engulfs him. He reaches out and tucks a piece of hair behind your ear.

You place your goblet down on the step next to you. “I wasn’t teasing,” you say very matter of factly, “so much as I was trying to get you to kiss me, actually.”

He purses his mouth into a very smug smirk and watches as your eyes dart down to his lips, and you bite down on your own. He leans in, the rest of the music and chatter surrounding you both seemingly drowned out by the steady pounding of his own heart, when --

“Oi, Freddie! C’mere, mate!”

Clearly Ron’s incapable of seeing that we’re in the middle of something, Fred wants to tell you. Instead, he pulls away slightly and whispers to you. “Want to sneak up to the Astronomy tower?”

“So late at night? How very scandalous of you.”

“Well it’s why you fancy me in the first place, isn’t it?”

He grabs your hand as you paint a very mischievous look on your face, and is about to stand up before you tug on the collar of his shirt with your free hand, pulling him back to you and pressing your lips to his in an electrified climax.

You try to part, but he pulls you closer to him and slides his hand down your leg. A soft moan emits your lips, and Fred wonders if he’d be able to sneak a Hufflepuff girl up to his own dormitory this evening. “Sorry,” you reply, biting down on your lip again, sending him into a complete tizzy. You whisper cheekily, “Just couldn’t wait.”

He smirks at you, hoping his giddiness isn’t blatantly evident in his exuberance, and pulls you to your feet. “Actually..” you say, playing again with his collar, “instead of the Astronomy tower, how about we head to the Room of Requirement?”

“No? Don’t want to look up at the stars, be all mushy, fall asleep in my arms?”

You actually snort through your laughter, rolling your eyes at him. “Yes, yes, of course I do, you sap. But I reckon we should save that for an actual date. Right now, I’d kind of just like to snog you for a few hours, if you don’t mind.”

He shakes his head at you with admiration. “What has gotten into you?”

Another hair flip from you sends warmth through Fred’s veins. “C’mon, Weasley,” you say, tugging his hand, the yellow fire reflecting in the light of your eyes, “don’t you trust me?”

#fred weasley #george weasley #fred and george weasley #weasley twins #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley reader insert #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley fanfic #fred weasley fanfiction #weasley twins fanfiction #weasley twins fanfic #weasley twins imagine #hp imagine #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction #lee jordan

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halothenthehorns · 3 years

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All in the Family

Chapter 34: The Chamber of Secrets

The sensation of falling wasn't unknown to a Quidditch player, but James usually had control of it! Instead he was left a screaming, flailing mess as something hard slid along his back, and there was minimal lighting at best as pockets of air kept shooting in his face like he was being spun past whirlpools. He was sure he screamed, and it wasn't just him.

There was an unsavory crack upon his landing, and the shooting pain of landing on his rear led him to the fearful belief at first he'd cracked a bone in his arse. Scrambling madly to his feet to detect any damage and deny any such thing lest his friends die of laughter, his hands scraped over something that too cracked and shifted beneath him, something even digging into his palm as he got upright. The pain lingered, but no worse than usual, so he let out a final gust of relived breath he not only could stretch as much as need be, but there was plenty of space around, even if it was all pitch black.

Then he shivered and swallowed loudly upon realizing this same thing. "Guys?" He called hoarsely, from dust hovering about the place he assured himself, not any sort of fright of what could be lurking around this unknown area.

Seven calls came back in varying degrees of pain, then one pitched higher than the rest. "Eww, get it out!"

"Evans?" He called quickly, stumbling in his haste to try and pinpoint her voice and flaming hair in the gloom.

"There's something in my hair," she insisted as he slowly came into sight, indeed swiping at her long locks. He could just make out something gossamer indeed tangled in, and so desperate was she to get it out, she didn't even argue the point as he stepped forward and helped her.

"Here, I got a light," Smith popped up beside them and did as such as James pulled off something long and white clinging to her.

"It's on you too," she wretched, stepping away from him and still batting at herself in disgust. "What is that stuff?"

James knew from his many escapades deep in the forest, but didn't want to tell her.

"Think it's spiderweb," Regulus called, his voice still far enough away in the gloom it was echoing, but his tone was almost semi-conversational. Between Evans being more repulsed by her situation than being near him and the young Black's gratitude of being able to stretch again, everyone seemed in an almost pleasant mood. "I'm guessing we were just in Aragog's cupboard Hagrid kept him in."

"Well, I guess I count that as the lesser of two evils, considering where we could have ended up," Peter said from close behind him. He was trying to shuffle around much more carefully than anyone else, but the sharp snapping noise every time he moved his foot still echoed about them.

"Great, now we know where we were, let's have a chat about this place," Longbottom sighed, lighting his wand too and raising it as high as he could. Still farther off in the distance, James could only make out the source of the brightness, but everyone made little gasping noises of surprise that finally had him looking down too.

Eight sharp sounds of rat bones now snapping beneath them filled the chamber at once. None succeeded as the floor was absolutely littered with them.

"Did we find where Mrs. Norris stashes her meals?" Peter demanded in a wobbly voice, and James really couldn't blame him for being a little extra sick at the idea of this.

"This place is huge," Sirius disagreed. "There's no way we're on Hogwarts grounds and we don't know of this area."

"So conceded, the lot of you," Evans huffed, crossing her arms and glaring up at James as if he'd said the words. Though he hadn't exactly disagreed with his best mate either. "You think you know every inch of this entire castle and it's grounds."

James bit down on his lip to stop himself pointing out their map of the place should be evidence enough, but instead offered her a saucy smile and opened his arms invitingly. "I'd gladly search them all with you Evans."

She rolled her eyes and walked away, James watched her go in the dim light for a moment with an incorrigible smile before turning to Peter and whispering softly, "keep your eyes up mate, I do not like to think what led Harry down here."

"Don't have to tell me twice," Peter agreed, his face still a bit green around the edges as he reached over and plucked a little rat bone out of James' palm.

More than ready to get out of this place, James summoned the book to him. The sound of yet more bones scattering around them as it flew to his hand sent shivers up his spine, where he hoped it stayed, instead of splayed out around him. The second he flipped the book open to where the chapter began, his breath stopped cold in his heart.

"James? Prongs? What's wrong?" Remus and Sirius were suddenly surrounding him, and the cascade of noise beneath their feet should have made that much more obvious. It was hard to hear anything over the sudden pounding of his heart though when he answered.

"I think I know where we are." Taking one more shallow breath, he managed to get out the chapter title in barely more than a whisper.

He swore the air around them got colder, even as everyone tried to step a bit closer to each other.

"How, why is Harry in here?!" Evans's voice echoed more than ever in their surroundings as no one even seemed to be breathing anymore in fear of attracting anythings attention.

"I'm more concerned with getting us out, I'm sure we'll get your answer as we do," Longbottom called. James took another uneasy breath, but readily agreed with that.

Thankfully the beginning of the chapter didn't start with anything too harrowing, just the boys rehashing everything. Nothing of interest happened at all really until Ginny arrived acting like a suspicious little thing, but James excused that as a first year acting as scared as the rest of the school was. Merlin, Evans still was, and she was the toughest person he knew. Yet he saw it every time he looked out of the corner of his eye at her, the way her hands shook, the way she stood ready to run at a moments notice since these attacks had begun, how she was actually seeking out companionship from someone other than Snivellus in Longbottom and Smith.

Peter had to jab him in the side to remind him to continue, and he dragged his eyes back to Percy acting like a shifty git. They were all eternally grateful Moony hadn't let his Prefect status change anything about him.

McGonagall catching the boys trying to sneak off and see Myrtle, and the exchange that instead caused them to go visit Hermione was at first the highlight of his day.

"She always was a sucker for our sob stories the most," Sirius agreed with chipper.

"You know, after she took away fifteen points each for catching us in the first place," Peter rolled his eyes.

The boys were having so much fun reminiscing James was hardly paying attention to a word he was reading, and almost glossed right over the detail of what Hermione had in her hand.

"A, a basilisk?" The demanded question came out in such a soft hiss, the others all shifted around in unease waiting for the beast to show its face. Frank couldn't even attempt to keep going without that same panic in his voice. "How, that's not possible- a basilisk!"

"It makes sense though," Remus managed in just as low a whisper, crowding closer to his friends and eyes peeling through every shadow. "All the clues Harry just spelled out were right there the whole time." He was kicking himself now for not thinking about this more, every time the stray thought occurred to him to investigate and put together the same his friends distracted him, as usual.

"We really need to start paying more attention to this stuff," James managed in a hoarse voice he still tried to make lighthearted.

"It's not as if there's one down here," Sirius made a brave stab and a much better attempt at sounding casual. "If Slytherin put it down here, I mean, even those snakes can't live as long ago as that."

"But there's something prowling around the school now," Peter reminded, eyes flickering in so many directions he was worried they were going to fall free of his head. "And whoever's opening the Chamber now could have just as likely put one down there, especially if it's the same person who done it fifty years ago. Basilisks live a couple hundred, yes?"

Regulus watched from the mouth of the tunnel as the lot of them debated this with disbelief. He'd had his suspicions it was some sort of monstrous snake for ages, and here they were arguing the point even when that little Muggleborn good as confirmed it. He could only watch the back and forth for so long before he finally burst, "would you get on with it! What does it matter, we're still stuck down here until you bloody finish!"

There was an odd silence as everyone turned to him in surprise, before he managed to spot Sirius' flashing smile. "Mother would be so disappointed, you speaking out of turn like that."

"Shove it Sirius! I just want to go home!" His voice had managed to remain calm and collected this entire time, but the force of his words he was sure must be impactful. He could swear even the ceiling let out a trickle of dust.

Potter continued anyways, clearly eager now to at least admit to the fact getting out of this place would be the better option. He'd barely managed to get to the revelation of McGonagall summoning all the teachers though when the ceiling began to more than sprinkle dust, it suddenly became a flood, and before anyone had time to process more, the whole Earth seemed to be shaking around them. He was sure someone shouted out the command to run, as if that weren't obvious enough. Jumping back into the tunnel as the first bit of safety his mind latched onto, he clung to the hard metal that barely allowed him to rise off the ground it was so slick, the curve that had shot them all out impossible to actually find purchase on. He felt right through his bones the shattering of the ceiling behind him.

He tried to take a breath, but all that came up was a sharp, painful cough as dust continued to settle around him. Refusing to let himself stay curled up in here a moment longer, he poked his head back out and swore his heart stopped in surprise.

"Sirius?" The uneven croak could have come from anyone, surely it hadn't been his voice to crack like that upon seeing the wall that had bombarded them from nowhere.

There was more coughing now, he was sure it wasn't his own! Fighting his own legs refusing to uncurl from his position, he eased back onto the leveled ground and demanded his eyes to focus in this new gloom, the dust still lingering at all levels in the air like he was trying to see through mist.

Movement, and he was stumbling forward, still fighting back his own cough just to get a glimpse, yes! Sirius was doubled over, holding his chest in discomfort for coughing so hard even as he was still trying to stagger about like a drunkard. Potter was right beside him, patting his back and alternately glancing at Evans, whom he barely recognized now. Her shock of red hair looked as if it had aged a couple hundred years in the span of the few seconds. He was sure none of them looked any better.

He heard voices as if from a long ways off, his ears still ringing so loud it was hard to distinguish who was shouting for who, but at least someone else had survived on the other side of the wall. Sirius caught himself then, eyes darting back to awareness in a panic and at once latching onto his brother. The relief that actually flew onto his face was too much for Regulus to process all at once, and he sat down on the spot, too tired to fight back his own coughing.

"Hey, hey, it's fine. Come on Reg, let it all out," Sirius promised, his voice probably not as soothing as he was going for as restricted as it still was, but patting him roughly on the back had the same effect.

"We're fine, hey Wormtail, don't do anything stupid! Yes, all four of us, we are fine."

Potter's voice sure could carry, even managing to make itself heard through the pounding of his head, surely the others on that side heard as well. Still eyeing his best mate, he directed towards Evans now, "you sure you're alright?"

"I, ah, yes," she muttered, carding her fingers through her hair without purpose, looking him full in the face with pure shock. Regulus didn't know what had happened there, but he could imagine it. Everyone else had made a run for the other side, the opening none of them had wanted to go near. Potter and his own brother though, hadn't. What had Evans been doing to have her unwanted admirer seek her out? What had Sirius been thinking coming back!

Mother was on the verge of disowning him if he did one more thing to disgrace their name, and he'd given no uncertain emotion he was okay with that. Sirius had been avoiding him the entire time they'd been to school together and they'd had little to no contact even during the holidays.

So what had possessed him to come charging this way? Aside from backing up his best mate...

"Look, if everyone's still breathing, I'm going to bloody finish this before the rest of the roof goes!" Potter called out. He had to clear his throat several times, and still only managed some painful coughs for his efforts.

"Here, cup your hands," Evans suddenly said. Potter gazed at her for a second before tucking the book under his arm and doing as asked. With a wave of her wand and a quiet uttered word, a fresh pool of water appeared. He took a tentative sip, spilling most of it down his chin.

"Thanks," he finally said in a clear voice again. She just nodded once, crossing her arms defensively again once more and turning her attention back to the wall, brushing her fingers across the rough surface.

Potter finally went on reading, and the horrifying news there was a little girl dragged down here all on her own was enough to make him wish the ceiling had caved in the rest of the way, blocking anyone from ever being down here again. Ginny, a little pureblood who'd never done anything to anyone.

"Reg, here, would you put these on already." He startled, not having realized Sirius had even stayed beside him this whole time. He felt so out of it the basilisk could probably appear at this point and his head was still so stuffy he wouldn't even be able to run. This could be remedied by the shoes his brother was holding out.

"Where did you get those? You really been toting them around with you this whole time?"

"Nah, I've always been good at transfiguration," Sirius rolled his eyes without care. Regulus felt his mouth open in surprise as he glanced down at the piles of rocks now all around, his mind still drawing a blank at such advanced magic when most students in his brothers year were still struggling to turn mice invisible, let alone into something completely other.

"Thanks," was the only thing he could manage to whisper. Regulus knew he was many things, but not a fool. Knowing when to accept something had always been one of his biggest attributes, his mother had always praised, so he accepted the boots while bunching up a handful of his dusty robes and trying to wipe up several scrapes of blood across his feet. The stinging didn't even start until after the first few swipes, proving just how numb he'd been to the world.

"Oh here, let me," Sirius quickly waved his hand away, and a few quick utterances later with his wand and Regulus' feet were bare of anything except skin once more.

"Have a secret talent for healing charms as well?" He muttered curiously as he slipped the socks and shoes on.

"Practice," was the only vague answer he was going to get, as Sirius was no longer paying him any attention, his entire focus suddenly back on Potter and the book.

Regulus understood why. He'd only been half listening to the poor Weasley family's suffering and the boys attempts to right the wrong, and really what had they been thinking going to a fool like Lockhart for help? Now here that old fraud was, being even more of a bastard than any of them could have predicted.

"I swear when we get out of this, I'm going to make sure that fool doesn't have a head to use, let alone a hand to write those lies with," Potter hissed, his hands fisting along the books bindings.

"Oh this can't be good!" Evans groaned in protest as the boys next leap of logic was to take that neanderthal with them to this very place. Their presence down here left none of them in doubt Harry and Ron would find a way down to where they currently were.

Indeed they did, with a little help from Myrtle pointing them in the right direction of a tap, with a snake on it.

It didn't take long after that to find out what had caused the cave to collapse, and every one of them had the urge to do something much stronger than just kick Lockhart in retaliation.

James clung to as much relief as he did fear in these last pages as Harry forged on ahead, alone. At least he could still rely on his friends around him as they were plunged into the next unknown.

#Marauders #fanfiction #Harry Potter #reading the books #CoS #wolfstar #Jilly #James Potter #Lily Evans #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #Peter Pettigrew #Regulus Black #Frank Longbottom #Alice Smith

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incorrectbatfam · 4 years

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What do you think about a fantasy Batfam au

I already did a vampire AU so I’m gonna take this as a high fantasy scenario

Fun fact: I talk to myself when writing and the entire time I was doing a Scottish accent for reasons unknown

King Bruce is the lonely ruler of the desolate, decrepit kingdom of Gotham, shrouded in a cloud of hopelessness, littered with penniless vagrants digging for scraps and desperados who take joy in inflicting devastation and loss. He inherited his throne at a tender age, when an unknown outlaw assassinated King Thomas and Queen Martha one fateful night in town, and has since sworn to purge the kingdom of its worst evildoers with his own hand

Katherine Kane, a half elf duchess of the same kingdom, saw the king as an inspiration. Using her exorbitant wealth, she funded her own efforts against crime and modeled herself after Bruce. She had served time as part of an army of shieldmaidens and learned more than just a thing or two from the valkyries that she was surrounded by

For the longest time, Bruce worked by himself in the a dark, cavernous classroom. However, he did have some help from the wise wizard Alfred Pennyworth—the best of the best, who trained under Merlin himself. Pennyworth provided the sage advice the young king needed, delivered with a healthy dose of sarcasm and book full of healing charms

Over time, taking on evil became harder and harder by himself. And as fate would have it, King Bruce would meet a newly orphaned faerie boy from a traveling creatures circus, Dick Grayson. His extreme agility coupled with his fairy flight and childlike innocence gained him the alias Robin as a fighter. As he grew up, watching battles come and go, he shed the old name and became known as Nightwing, the most respected and revered member of his entire species

The second of the wards was a boy down on his luck. Casted out of the heavens, Jason wasn’t meant to survive the fall. And in a way, he didn’t, because creature that the gods casted out was no more. Instead of pure light, his wings turned dark like his outlook on the universe, with the only remnant of his past being a white streak through his hair. He wandered the land, doing as he pleased, believing no one could love a fallen angel. He was proven wrong the day he tried to pry the wheels of King Bruce’s chariot, for instead of being thrown in the dungeons he was given his first bed and hot meal in an eternity

The third one was under the king’s nose the whole time. A ghost of a former scholar, he was originally a lower-level nobleman from the house of Drake. But being dead for a thousand years got boring—he had read all the books in town, all but the ones in the castle library. Tim wandered about the castle as he pleased, leaving both the king and his trusty wizard advisor perplexed by rearranged books or maps that weren’t on that wall before. Eventually, he revealed himself, and rather than being banished he was taken into this slowly growing ragtag team

Damian, perhaps, was the closest Bruce was going to get to another human being without powers. Technically a half-blood (half human, half witch), he was the bastard child of King Bruce and a witch named Talia Al Ghul who had a knack for sleeping potions. Raised in the mountains to be the perfect weapon, Damian was destined to be the heir of a shadow kingdom run by the League of Assassins. After certain events transpired between the immortal Ra’s Al Ghul and enemies, Damian was brought to the kingdom of Gotham to be raised under his father’s care

Stephanie was a wayward nymph living in Gotham’s wilderness. Seeing her species slowly fall down the rabbit hole of evil deeds, she took matters into her own hands. Donning a purple mask, she went about bringing justice within the nymph community as Spoiler. Eventually, Bruce took her on too, but she was killed within weeks of joining his crusade. By the unrelated works of a time wizard, she was brought back and given a new opportunity as a daughter, sister, friend, and fighter

Cassandra, though a bottom-tier goddess, was a goddess nonetheless. And her parents trained her as such, to be a silent killer. An omen of death more fearful than Thanatos himself. And it was Bruce that showed her she was more than that. Who gifted her not just a refuge, but a mentor—a family. And they all embrace and respect the fact that she’s a literal deity, even if her realm of control is yet to be determined

Duke Thomas, a Gotham Kingdom native, first found himself in the limelight as the leader of a movement of sorcerer’s apprentices who took it upon themselves to fight crime in a period where King Bruce was suspiciously inactive. Though he was young, he showed a clear mastery in the magic of light and darkness. Things got personal when his parents were sentenced to a smiling curse for a lifetime and he was taken into the castle

Barbara was considered part of the family when she took on Gotham evil in her own way. Being a mermaid, she couldn’t walk, but that didn’t stop her from infiltrating the sea kingdoms and exposing their corruption, or relaying scrolls upon scrolls of information to further assist her family on land. Ironically, she became a central figure in an all-female warrior tribe named the Birds of Prey

Harper and her brother Cullen were harpies. She joined the crusade against evil not as a ward, but as her own identity: Bluebird. Not only was she a skilled fighter, but one of the most brilliant engineers that Gotham has ever seen. She believed in a good worth fighting for and would do everything in her power to keep her family safe.

Carrie Kelley was a spunky young pixie who wanted to make a difference in her own little grotto. She modeled herself after the first fairy warrior in Gotham, Dick Grayson, and set off with a slingshot to take down all the big bads. She was the one who saved Bruce from a fight and patched him up with her own little healing magic, even if it wasn’t the same level as Alfred’s. The redhead was brought in because King Bruce keeps accidentally expanding the royal family tree, and she’s got the most fiery, energetic spirit to offer to the clan.

#ask #anonymous #batfamily #batfam #batclan #batman family #dc comics #headcanon #alternate universe #tw violence mention

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the-astro-ace · 3 years

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WIP Challenge

Rules: tell us the titles of all the WIPs you are currently working on right now and a little about them. Then tag five other writers.

I was tagged by @spiritofcamelot! Thank you, friendo!

*Stares at the 119 files on my harddrive that I consider “WIPs” - many having more than one fic in them* Um *Glances at my Gdrive that have even more* UM

For simplicity’s sake, I’m just going to do all the ones (not including ones for Merlin Bingo or other fests) that I’ve actively worked on since the new year lol

Disclaimer: While I hope to finish and post all of these at some point, some of them I’ve been working on for months to years now and are still nowhere close to being finished, and may very likely never get finished. So, if you want to take one of these ideas and write your own, just ask! 🥰

Also none of these have an official title picked out, so you all now get to see my wonderful WIP file names alsdkfjalsdkf

As for tags: I can never remember who of my friends actually likes these games, so if you want to do this - this is your invitation to say I tagged you!

Merwaine Tangled AU - What it says on the tin. Merwaine as a Tangled AU. Featuring Merlin as Rapunzel, Gwaine as Eugene, Aithusa as Pascal, and Sigan as Gothel. I really hope to finish this, but I’m still trying to work out the details of the ending. It’s 75% outlined, I just need to, you know, finish it

Lamia and Servant of Two Masters - After Gwaine remembers what he did under the Lamia, he feels horrible and guilty, and manages to convince himself that Merlin must hate him now. Merlin confronts Gwaine over why he’s been avoiding him, and reveals that if he were to be mad at Gwaine for being a jerk while enchanted, he’d be the biggest hypocrite - because he’s done the exact same thing

The Veil of Time Brain Vomit - Merlin goes missing. After fruitless days of searching, Gwaine is contacted by Freya, and learns that Merlin’s been dragged to an parallel dimension, and will need Gwaine’s help to get home. Freya sends Gwaine to this parallel world, and he finds himself in Camelot if Arthur had been killed during Sigan’s siege on Camelot, and now has to find Merlin and get him home

Time Travel Mess - 500 years post-canon, Merlin decides he’s fed up with Destiny and is going to go back and fix things. He finds his younger self, and is willing to go through any means necessary to keep the same mistakes from happening again. Basically: if bitter, angry, and more powerful S5 Merlin met S3 Merlin.

Hermit Merwaine - A fluffy oneshot lol. Merlin, as part of his magical study, goes to spend a couple months “alone” on a mountain (quotes because Aithusa is with him lmao). Gwaine comes to visit him anyway. Just the three of them having a nice night together after not seeing each other for a few weeks.

Merlin Brainwashed 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO - (Not actually a sequel to anything. I just have it titled that because it’s my second fic about Merlin getting brainwashed.) “Wyllt” wakes up with no memory. Morgana, the queen of Camelot, tells him that they are friends, and that he is one of her most powerful allies against their enemy, Arthur Pendragon. It makes sense. That is, until Wyllt starts talking to one of the captured enemies, Gwaine, who tells Wyllt that his real name is Merlin, and that he is actually one of Arthur Pendragon’s closest friends and allies.

Weird Sleeping Beauty AU I guess - Merlin is kidnapped, and is cursed to a slumber. LUCKILY it forces him to astral project. So he goes as a “ghost,” gets Gwaine’s attention, and Gwaine manages to rescue him! Yay! Except there’s one problem: they don’t know how to wake Merlin up. (Based on the WIP title, you all can probably guess what it is lol.)

Gwaine & Aithusa - Divergence right before S5 starts. Gwaine is captured by Morgana and taken to Ismere, and is tortured for information (and because Morgana’s angry and sees him as a good way to let out that anger). However, Aithusa, still traumatized after the Sarrum and only trusting Morgana, sees her doing this and his horrified at Morgana showing such cruelty. Her curiosity gets the better of her, and she finds herself seeking out Gwaine to see if he really is so evil.

Merwaine and Injured Aithusa - Gwaine finds an injured Aithusa while on patrol. After a failed attempt to sneak medical supplies from the infirmary, Merlin finds out. And then Gwaine finds out Merlin and Aithusa already know each other. Cue shenanigans as the two of them try to secretly raise a baby dragon in the castle, and also fall in love while doing so 👀👀👀

HOPEFULLY MERWAINE ONESHOT - Merlin reveals his magic in front of Uther sometime late S3. Whoops? Arthur, Gwen, Morgana, and Elyan help him escape, so he goes to find Gwaine. This is supposed to just be he and Gwaine traveling and falling in love while literally waiting for Uther to kick the bucket so Merlin can go home alskdfjasdf

Elyan and Gwaine Confession - While imprisoned by Morgana and their hope fading fast, Elyan and Gwaine get to talking about regrets they have. And at the top, is that neither of them have confessed their feelings to the one they love (Elyan to Percival, and Gwaine to Merlin, respectively). They both promise each other that if they do get out, they’re going to tell the subject of their affections, and they’re going to make sure the other does

Forest Spirits and Knights - Gwaine gets injured by bandits, and flees into a forest that is supposedly haunted. But to his surprise, he is rescued by a knight living there, Lancelot, and is healed by the knight’s consort, a forest spirit named Merlin. Cue him falling for Merlin, feeling guilty about it because Merlin’s in a relationship with Lancelot, before learning that forest spirits aren’t monogamous after Merlin tries to kiss him alkdsfjlksdf

#My fic

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the-lady-bryan · 4 years

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Untitled HP Arthurian Legend AU idea

This is mostly so I have my idea compiled somewhere that isn’t Google Docs or Evernote. I may or may not write on this idea, but it’s a good idea so if I never get around to actually writing it, then at least I put it out there for people to enjoy in some form or another anyway.

Each reblog is a different part stage of the AU that would be told as "tales" of a sort. And because each one is really fucking long, each one will have a “read more”. If this doesn’t work for mobile users, i’m sorry. But hey, at least i tried!

Anyway, on with the thing!

So basically it's this...

Part 1 “The Fall of Camelot”

Camelot was real. Of course it was because modern witches and wizards know about the great Merlin, a revered historical figure. BUT no one really knows what happened during that time because when Camelot fell around 280 years after the death of King Arthur at Camlaan, all records and such were lost, and in the two centuries after his death the magical population was hunted to near extinction.

The battle of Camlaan had nothing to do with a fight between Mordred and Arthur and in fact father and son fought on the same side against invaders who had already conquered the surrounding kingdoms. Morgana wasn't evil she just didn't agree with Merlin and the crown but didn't go out of her way to cause trouble until her eldest son was killed years after surviving Camlaan.

Anyway, so what really went down is forgotten and all records were destroyed, resulting in a lot of gaps that were filled in with myth and legends and made up rumours.

Okay, so. In this version, Merlin taught Mordred magic after he was brought to Camelot by Arthur to be groomed as heir apparent until Guinevere had their children at which point he would become Lord Protector I the event Arthur died before his children had grown up. Mordred was totes cool with this because he doesn't want to rule and wants the freedom he has as the king's nephew rather than his son. So nobody but Arthur, Morgana, her husband Lord Peverell, Merlin, and eventually Mordred himself know the truth and it stays that way for many years.

So, Arthur has this prophecy hanging over his head about this whole once and future king thing. And Merlin is this mysterious wizard with powers that are far beyond any other living being. He's fucking revered by the druids and various mystic orders. And it turns out he is cursed with immortality and has been roaming the earth for a thousand years because he gave into temptation and used a forbidden piece of knowledge given to him by the gods. The only way he can escape this date is to pass on that knowledge to another who is worthy of having the power, but also one Merlin believes will not use it as he had. He of course, ends up choosing Mordred, believing in his inherent goodness and nobility.

He teaches Mordred the powerful Charm of Making, which can give the user his hearts desire for a price. Merlin finds he cannot speak what that price is, so instead cautions Mordred never to use this power unless there is absolutely no other option.

The knowledge now passed on to another, Merlin is made mortal again. He is assassinated before Camlaan.

Mordred and Arthur go to battle. Mordred and Arthur are both mortally wounded. Mordred tries to save his king's life but none of the healing magic he knows is working. So he does the unthinkable and uses the Charm of Making, trying to will Arthur to live. Instead it heals himself and not Arthur.

Arthur's body is taken by Mordred himself back to Camelot. They get a priestess in to do the final rites and are informed that the gods have another date in store for the king. His body is to be committed to Avalon where his soul will reside with the gods and await the day of his return. Guinevere is not happy about this because this isn't the way things are done. Mordred insists that the do as the gods command. This causes a split and Mordred decides fuck it, I'll make sure it happens and the knights loyal to him accompany him. The queen brands him a traitor and Arthur's cousin through his father's family seizes the throne in Mordred's absence, branding him a criminal and wanted for treason.

Mordred does not return to Camelot after sending Arthur's body to Avalon and he goes on many adventures, befriending all manner of creatures and beings, going by another name - “Antioch” and taking the name Peverell from his mother's husband who had raised him as his own blooded son. One of the beings he befriends and has adventures with is Gringott the Goblin, who was kicked out of his clan for swearing an oath of brotherhood to a human after their many (profitable) adventures. Gringott ended up starting a band of outcasts who had been banished from other goblin clans and they continued their adventures before eventually forming Clan Gringott, which over the following 1300 years or so became the biggest and most powerful of the goblin clans in all of Europe.

Anyway, so Mordred eventually settles down after meeting a young Baron and falling madly in love with him, and the Baron in love with Mordred. Problem, the Baron is already married to a daughter of another Lord. A magic hating muggle Lord. After she births a couple of children for the Baron, he releases her from the marriage so that she may find love for herself because he never did and married her out of duty. He is also really chill and is like "I don't want our children to not know their mother. In fact, stay and I'll happily pay for your upkeep and anything you desire because you are my best friend and I do care about you. Hell, fall in love and remarry and you can have the castle. Me and .ordered will happily live in a mud but in the back yard." And Mordred's like "if you want I can even get like, servants and stuff for you. And you can live like a queen." But the woman's super pissed about it, rightfully to be honest, and plots with her brother to kill Mordred because he has magic. When she finds out the Baron also has magic, she plots to kill him, too.

Hell's fury and women scorned and all that.

So she hires someone to kill Mordred, and it seemingly works! Mordred is killed in a tavern on his way back home from visiting his mother and younger brothers Cadmus and Ignotus.

When word reaches the Baron, he kills himself in his grief, not able to bear life without his love.

When Morgana, old and bitter about Mordred's reputation in the kingdom after Arthur's death, learns her eldest son has been killed, she uses all of her magic to curse the entire kingdom of Camelot and the king's and queens to follow, with her curse gaining power with time and each generation until eventually 280 years later Camelot finally falls. The curse is so strong it takes her life as the price for such magic, and in the process her bitterness and malice transforms the Ruby stone she uses as her focal point into a stone of pitch black. This becomes known in later centuries as the resurrection stone.

So, Mordred used the charm of making and is actually immortal, having made the same mistake as Merlin and given into the temptation to use the knowledge without knowing what price he would ultimately pay. He is pulled into Avalon, regressed to the physical age of a newborn baby but still has all of his memories and mind intact. Normally if one with there curse is killed, they may take time to heal but they will return to life a little worse for wear. This did not happen to Mordred because of a protection spell cast on him by Gringott during their adventures. The goblin magic interacted badly with the curse and oops! Baby Mordred!

Mordred is found in Avalon by his father Arthur, who not knowing what to do takes him to the Lady of the Lake. The lady in turn calls up a council of the gods, to which the spirit of Merlin is summoned. Merlin is tasked with "fixing this monumental fuck up because ultimately it's your fault for teaching the boy the charm before he was ready to understand the power and the consequences of it".

So Merlin comes up with a plan to send Mordred back, but the cost of doing so is forcing Arthur's destiny onto him. Arthur was destined to return at Albion's greatest need and it's darkest hour, but Mordred cannot remain in Albion. And Arthur MUST return because you do NOT fuck with prophecy more than necessary.

And so ends part 1, “The Fall of Camelot”.

#harry potter au #arthurian legend au #hp au #fanfic idea #idea #writing

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turnsoutnoonewasexaggerating · 3 years

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Merlin (BBC) fic part 1

You were the one to teach me how to use knives

Welp I wrote a Merlin fic. It has been inevitably brewing for about 9 years, it’s honestly a wonder I left it this long.

Summary: Merlin chose to save Mordred against the dragon's advice. He should have made the same choice for Morgana. In which Merlin is more than a little fed up of old men and old dragons telling him what to do, and gives Morgana some hope. Maybe it won't change the dark path she's destined to walk down... Or perhaps in doing so, Merlin saves all of Albion from her wrath. Featuring the emotional catharsis and continuity we were denied in canon and a systematic re-writing of what could have been

Chapter summary: The Nightmare Begins (Part One)

Merlin decides to let Morgana in on one of his secrets instead of sending her to the druids

Read on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28387470/chapters/69556197

Fic under the cut

Merlin couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t exactly an unusual occurrence. When he first arrived in Camelot, it was the noise of the city that kept him awake. Or, more accurately, the lack of farm noise. Merlin had been falling asleep to the sound of cows mooing as they settled down for the night for 19 years. So that first week or so in Camelot? It was the silence. Now, what keeps Merlin awake, after witnessing countless innocent sorcerers be beheaded, a singing enchantress, a snake shield, an afanc, being poisoned, a griffin, a creepy beetle-obsessed madman, the first in what Merlin just knew was going to be a long line of Arthur getting magically enchanted into falling in love with some beautiful woman, having to decide between letting a child get murdered or ignoring the advice of an ancient dragon, an undead knight, losing Will, thinking he’d lost Arthur to some magical unicorn poison, killing people to stop them killing a King who would execute him in a second if he knew what he was, almost losing Arthur, his mother and Gaius during the Questing Beast fiasco (and the power that ran through him, that deadly, furious power that felt so… good), a raven-themed madman, and, just last week, foiling yet another assassin hell-bent on killing Arthur, it’s the nightmares that keep him awake now.

Nightmares have been on his mind during the day too, but not his own. He huffed and rolled out of bed, fed up of tossing and turning. He had meant to go to the dragon early the next morning instead of this late at night, but Merlin doesn’t think there’s currently a curfew in place. Probably. With all the stuff that Camelot has had to fend off in the last year and a bit since Merlin’s been here, it’s hard to keep track of when Camelot’s in lockdown or not. He was going to ask the dragon for the location of the druids. They could help Morgana and then Merlin wouldn’t have technically broken his promise to Gaius to keep her in the dark. When he got to the top of the passageway however, he couldn’t convince himself to go any further. Instead, the words kept swirling around in his head.

I'm scared, Merlin. I don't understand anything anymore. I need to know what's happening. Please. Morgana’s begging, the usual no-nonsense woman distraught, practically on the verge of tears, won’t leave his mind. His feet stick, incapable of travelling further down the passage. Merlin’s nearing that verge himself. It’s too much, too much to expect of him. He’s not even yet of age, a year younger than Arthur but the fate of what feels like the entire world on his shoulders. Gaius helps, gods, even the dragon helps sometimes, but neither of them know what it’s like to bear this burden. To struggle, over and over again, to be kind where he wants to be furious, and furious where he wants to be kind. Would he be able to live with himself if Mordred did grow up to kill Arthur? Probably not. But he would be able to live with himself if he’d left Mordred to be caught and executed by Uther? Also no. And now, Gaius and the dragon want him to leave Morgana in that darkness? They want him to repay the woman that risked her reputation and even her life for him and his family, with betrayal?

Merlin had to believe the prophecies were real, had to believe that Arthur would make a better kingdom for those with magic. He couldn’t risk that prophecy for anyone, not even Morgana. The dragon said that Morgana had evil in her heart, that she would be the dark to Merlin’s light. Perhaps that will be true, perhaps Morgana will ruin him. But he knew that she had saved Uther instead of killing him, had forgiven him despite everything he had done. Not forgotten, no, she was not that kind of person. She’d forgiven him though, and Merlin didn’t think that sounded like evil. He thought, perhaps, that sounded like someone capable of the best kind of love. Why was he expected to judge her on her future actions? What if betraying her now, with his silence, with his lack of action, was what caused her to become evil?

The Merlin that turned away from the passageway and went up the stairs had been influenced by a single conversation, not that the man himself would ever know it. A single conversation that Merlin wasn’t even really a part of.

The conversation had happened months before, when a Lord that Merlin can barely remember the name of now had come to visit Uther. In another life, the Lord would be waylaid by snow for a couple of days, and the entirety of his trip would pass while Merlin and Arthur were on one of Arthur’s many hunting trips. In this one, he’d made it to the castle before Arthur’s hunting trip, and so it was Merlin who was serving Arthur wine at the Lord’s welcoming banquet. It had been a fairly boring evening, as Arthur had not been drinking nearly as much as Uther and his Lord, and so Merlin had not had much to do. In his clumsiness, he had tripped on his way towards Arthur, just a minor stumble, no wine even spilled, but the clatter of the jug as he kept it balanced drew the attention his way. The Lord had frowned at him, not in the same scowl-like way as Uther, nor in the exasperated (but fond) way Arthur did, but with confusion. He clicked his tongue a moment later, hands waving unsteadily.

“Uther, do you not think he looks like Balinor?” Uther, drunk enough to not be quite so curt but still, well, Uther, straightened.

“The boy, Merlin?” Merlin froze, eyes downcast. “No I don’t see it. Besides, Balinor died in the first few months of the Great Purge, hunted down like the traitor he was.”

“Hmm, true, true.” The Lord had said placatingly. “The man was ever so much fun at a party though. Do you remember the time he enchanted you to-”

“It’s getting late.” Uther said, with finality. “And you’re getting old and much too drunk.” The Lord had chuckled and they had retired for the night. Merlin had gone through the motions of getting Arthur ready for bed in a bit of a shaken daze, not used to ever being noticed by Uther. He wasn’t actually sure Uther knew his name until tonight.

He’d gone back to his quarters with Gaius, who’d noticed immediately that he was looking a little off. “Is everything alright Merlin?”

“Yes, yes, fine. The Lord that Uther is entertaining tonight, he just made a strange comment, said I looked like a man they used to know. A sorcerer by the sounds of it, who was killed during the Great Purge.”

“Who?” Gaius said, worry lacing his tone, as it did every time magic was mentioned. Merlin knew why, had nightmares weekly about why, but it still cut some part of him, the way that magic was spoken of in whispers and fear even here.

“Balinor.”

“Balinor!” Gaius exclaimed, though still in hushed tones. He shook his head, turning away from Merlin’s curious eyes. “What did Uther say? Merlin, what did he say?”

“He said he couldn’t see it himself. Gaius what’s going on?” Gaius exhales in relief.

“Merlin you’re not to go near that Lord again, do you hear me? I’ll tell Arthur I need you urgently for apprentice tasks, until he’s gone.” Merlin was surprised by the fervour at which Gaius demanded this, used to his uncle pleading his case instead.

“Gaius, what are you talking about?”

Gaius shook his head again, mumbling under his breath. “I promised Hunith I would never speak of this… But you must understand the danger you’re in. Merlin, Uther cannot think that you are related to Balinor, or he’ll have you on the pyre before you can blink.” Merlin held up his hands placatingly.

“Alright Gaius, well that’s fine because I’m not related to this Balinor fellow, whoever he was. Uther said he died before I was born.”

“And that is how we must keep it. Uther must never know that Balinor could still be alive.”

“Gaius you’re not making any sense. Why did you make my mother any promises about this man I’ve never heard of?!”

“Merlin…” Gaius gripped Merlin’s shoulders, smiled sadly down at him. “Merlin, I have always treated you as if you were my son.” Merlin softened, a smile lighting his own face. “But that is not who you are. The reason the Lord thinks you look like Balinor is because he is your father.”

Merlin stumbled out of Gaius’ hold, smile dropping from his face. “My… My father? W- What-”

“Balinor was a Dragonlord. He could do a little magic too, but his main power came from his ability to talk to and tame dragons. As such, he had a title, here in Camelot, back before the Great Purge. If I remember correctly, he was a favourite of Queen Ygraine, Arthur’s mother. And then… After- After, I helped him escape. I sent him to my sister’s, despite the danger it put her in. Uther eventually located him, and sent knights to Ealdor to hunt him down. He fled, to protect your mother. Hunith… He has no idea you even exist Merlin. She didn’t find out she was pregnant until he was long gone.”

“Why did neither of you ever tell me this?!”

“It was too dangerous, and Hunith didn’t want to hurt you. Uther is of the opinion his knights were successful. If he’s alive, no-one knows where he is.”

“I had a right to know.” Merlin snarled, eyes welling up. “He was my father. I had a right to know.”

Merlin doesn’t consciously know that finding out who his father was- not long before, in another life, he would have found out anyway- is the reason he turned away from that passageway tonight, but that same feeling of righteousness, that dark empty pit inside of him that screams to find somewhere to belong, the one that is only sometimes quietened when he and Arthur work together to solve some quest (usually unbeknownst to Arthur), it gets louder when he thinks about how alone Morgana is, how terrified she is, and by the time he’s stood outside Morgana’s door, he knows exactly what he’s going to stay.

Knock, knock.

The rap of his knuckles against the door is quiet, wary of the guards patrolling the castle. Still, he supposes he could simply pretend he was here to deliver another sleeping draught, and by the way Morgana’s face drops when she answers the door, that’s what she thinks too.

“Merlin, I told you I don’t want another remedy-”

“I’m not here with a sleeping draught. May I come in?” Morgana searches his face with her clever green eyes, but, though she is as beautiful as ever, Merlin is focused on the dark shadows under her eyes, the tremor in her hands.

She steps back to let him in and watches with trepidation as he closes the door behind himself, fastening the latch. “Merlin, what-”

“Morgana, what you advise me to do, if I told you I had a secret that could help you, but doom everybody else? If I told you this secret would save you, but it would put everyone I care for in danger, my mother, Gaius, Gwen, Arthur, even you? That would definitely kill me. Could you understand that there are some things I cannot say that you could, because of the position you hold? Could you understand there are many times I have agreed with you and not been able to say so? Would you ask me to tell you my secrets anyway, knowing the risk?”

“I… No, Merlin. I wouldn’t ask that of you. Not to save myself. But I don’t understand-”

“My Lady, I know we are not the closest of our lot.” Merlin smiles wryly, thinking of the way Arthur had kissed Gwen, the way Gwen brought flowers for Morgana every day she could, the hours spent gossiping with Gwen in laundry, the days spent mutually saving each other’s lives with Arthur. “And I know it is not appropriate to consider you a friend, probably not even appropriate for me to be here right now. But you risked your life for Camelot’s people, and you risked your life for Gwen’s father and you risked your life to come to the aid of my village. There are things I cannot tell you, for the reasons I have already stated. I hope, when you eventually learn them, you will forgive my secrecy in light of the consequences. But for all that you have done, and the goodness I know you have, I must tell you something, because I cannot stand for you to feel alone.” Merlin cleared his throat. “Morgana, I believe you. You know of what I speak. I’m sorry I did not say it before; I was too scared. Because, Morgana, your protection here holds only as long as this is unknown. You are already so vocal about the injustices you perceive. You are too sympathetic already. Too suspicious. Do you understand?”

“You did not say it before… Because you believed I was safer in ignorance?”

“Yes. I still believe you are. But I realised I feared more for what feeling alone would do to you than what could happen to you if anyone found out.”

“I need to hear you say it Merlin. Please. It is driving me mad.”

“Morgana,” Merlin takes one of her trembling hands and clasps it in both of his, “I believe you have magic.” Morgana shudders, equal parts relieved and terrified, eyelashes wet with tears. She takes several deep breaths, and then squeezes his hand and takes hers back, looking steadier than she has in days.

“Alright, now what?”

“First of all, I will keep your secret. I won’t betray your trust.”

“I know, Merlin.”

“Then I have another thing to tell you, so I can prove that I trust you in return.” Merlin cannot give her the core of him, not when it could be the death of Arthur. But he can tell her something that should only harm him. “My father was magic. He was born with it, just like you. And through him… I know enough. I can help you control it. Train you. If you’d like.”

“I’ve never heard you talk about your father, I guess I know why now.” Morgana says, eventually. “Is he…?” Merlin shakes his head.

“Uther.” He says, softly, and that’s all it takes. Morgana’s eyes blaze with a fire he knows is not aimed at him.

“Of course.” She says, scornful. Abruptly, she softens. “I’m sorry Merlin.”

“Thank you.”

“I want to learn how to stop the nightmares. So, if you’re sure, I’ll gladly accept your tutelage.”

“There are limits to what I can teach you, I don’t know many spells. You could perhaps learn more going to the druids. But I fear if you were suddenly to disappear, Uther would not think you had left of your own accord.”

“And then he would take it out on the druids.” Morgana nods. “I won’t put them in danger. All I really need to know is enough to stop the dreams. Anything else would be more dangerous than sensible, with the court as it is.”

“I will not be able to teach you how to completely stop the visions, Morgana. If I’m right, you’re a Seer. The visions shouldn’t keep you from sleeping, however. I think because your magic is pent up, it’s escaping into your dreams. If you can get rid of the excess magic, you should be able to get through a night’s sleep.”

“What do you mean, a Seer?”

“Not all your dreams,” Merlin cautions, “but some of them; they’re prophetic. Do you remember when you dreamed of Sophia drowning Arthur?”

Morgana frowns, puzzled. “Yes, but I was wrong; Arthur became besotted with her and you managed to talk him out of it.” Merlin smirks, but it fades as he remembers the way Arthur had sunk into the lake, out of Merlin’s reach.

“Not quite. Her father had enchanted him to become enamoured with her. Sophia was mostly innocent,” but you still killed her Merlin, “but she did try to drown him. The heart of a mortal prince is a very potent ingredient in some dark magic spells. I-” Merlin coughs, can’t keep eye contact with her. “I killed her father. I didn’t tell Arthur the plot was magical in nature. Didn’t want him trying to track down Sophia.”

Morgana stares at him with appraising eyes. “You’ve saved him more often than he knows, haven’t you?” Merlin laughs, without a trace of humour.

“Yes.”

“He doesn’t deserve you.”

“He will.” Merlin says, with all confidence. “Arthur will be the greatest king the world has ever known.”

“You truly believe that.”

“I do.” Merlin smiles at her disbelief. “Arthur is not his father.”

“Perhaps not.”

“I already think, if Arthur became the king tomorrow, magical people would only be executed if they did something bad with it. He’d probably still banish anyone else; I’m not condoning that. But I hope he has the chance to see magic be used for good. It is difficult for him to have to relearn everything he’s been taught, especially when magic has been used against him so many times.”

“Not as difficult as it is to live in constant fear of being killed for something you can’t control.” Morgana says, hotly. Merlin inclines his head.

“No. That’s true.”

Morgana shakes her body a little, resetting herself. When she straightens, she’s back, for a moment, to the Morgana he first met, proud and strong and fierce. He can’t help but grin broadly at the sight of her. “Enough about Arthur. When do we start with my training?”

#my fic #my writing #merlin #Merlin fanfic #YWTOTTMHTUK #Arthur Pendragon #Morgana #Fix-it fic #AU

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captainfile · 6 years

Text

not a flortist

words: 7192

ocs: any mentioned agrona

in which the epilogue barely happened and cursed child doesn’t exist.

Agrona Apothecary, with some relation to Agrona Athletics, is a fairly successful small business, but only has one location, unlike the notorious family chain. it’s a short building, considering, and the color scheme seems too dark for a flower shop.

which is, hilariously, what it kind of is. the owner is a witch, as expected with the store’s name, and enjoys displaying bouquets in the front window that she sells for cheap because she grows them herself and it’s really no trouble. the other materials in the store, however, are bizarrely gathered from all corners of the earth- Mengdaxiang lizard urine, uncompressed ash bone, and other strange things the average wizard doesn't recognize.

Fax frowns to herself and attempts to tuck her hair back into its braid without redoing anything, which of course just makes it messier. baby hairs stick to her forehead in the humid environment. she clips a dead bud off the carnations on the counter, then turns on her heel to feed it to her vegetarian venus fly trap.

only the front half of the store is lit, for the full-sun plants and materials. at the sound of the front door swinging open, Fax looks up and forces her eyes to adjust.

“Draco Malfoy?” she mutters to herself, then straightens and pushes her hair behind her shoulders. “welcome!” she smiles, thinking of the front display to make her expression seem genuine. “is there anything i can help you with?”

“yes, actually,” Malfoy- and it is him- replies, tucking his hands into his suit pockets. as he moves towards Fax, the angles of his face are sharpened by shadow. “i found some mountain ash lining a room in my home, and heard that you tend to deal with such oddities for a price.”

“depends, but usually, yes. i get letters from all over the globe, it’s where half of this comes from,” she gestures to the inventory of her business. Malfoy arches an eyebrow.

“and the other half?”

“travel, too much spare time, my own garden,” she shrugs. Malfoy leans against the nearest table to himself and narrows his eyes.

“do you think you can harvest the mountain ash, then?” he wonders. Fax nods, and digs up a book for appointments to figure out when she can.

“perfect. i just need your personal information. name, location, payment method,” she pulls out a separate book and opens to the first empty page.

“so you don't know who i am?”

Fax pauses in handing him the book to consider his expression- surely he doesn't expect her to hold a grudge over a few comments he made about one of her friends in the middle of a war that ended two decades ago.

“I know only your name,” she says, instead of going on a rant about how uptight everyone always is. Malfoy just nods, hair falling into his face, dousing himself in more shadow than before.

Fax breathes again when he leaves, long legs striding easily across the threshold. She watches him go, then simply stares at where he stood for a moment before turning back to the venus fly trap, now closed around the flower bud. She fills her cheeks with air and picks up her clippers.

Fax’s brother, Barry, tells her off when she visits his apartment half ot pet his dog and half to ask what Draco Malfoy has been doing since the war. She isn’t suspicious of him- he’d never get away with anything foul, probably- but she’s curious why he’d come to her about mountain ash. It’s pretty minor, and usually pretty useful. Convenient, if it’s already been installed in his house- he can’t be attacked by magical creatures living in a house lined with the stuff.

“You can’t be seriously thinking of helping him, are you? I mean, he hasn’t done anything noteworthy since his wife- well. But he’s still a Malfoy, alright?”

“Bearach!” Fax snaps. “You know better than anyone not to judge a book by its cover!” he’s an Auror.

“What about by his enthusiastic actions?”

“When he was a teenager and living in the Dark Lord’s house,” she fires back, because she’s not going to hold Malfoy to that any more than she’ll worship Harry Potter for his saving of wizardkind. Which she doesn’t- they met briefly at a school reunion, once, and he asked her how she was doing- all she said was

, and went to sit with her sister.

“Yeah, the same house you’re visiting in a few days to enter a room you’re not guaranteed to exit!” Barry suddenly stands from his armchair with a grave expression. Fax rolls her eyes obnoxiously and then looks down at Danagb, a siberian husky.

“I’ll be fine. You said yourself, he hasn’t done anything noteworthy since something happened with his wife, or something, so he’s clearly grown up and gotten a handle on life, even if he’s living at Malfoy Manor. But it doesn’t matter- I just wanted to know if you know anything I don’t, but I guess not, so-”

“Just about his wife, she wasn’t a nice woman.”

“Wasn’t?”

“She’s not his wife anymore, she’s in Azkaban for using him to get to his family’s dark artifacts and using them on muggles.”

So that’s why he wants the mountain ash removed, probably- no one wants to live surrounded by proof of their own evil acts. Fax nods. “Anything else I should know?”

“Yeah, you’re an idiot, Fax,” Barry huffs, but otherwise shrugs. Fax smiles in agreement and leaves for brunch with Garrick Ollivander.

By the time her appointment with Malfoy, she looks up at the castle at Malfoy Manor and starts reconsidering.

“can i help you?” asks Draco Malfoy as Fax remembers him from Hogwarts, but with less weight on his shoulders.

“who is it?” the real Draco Malfoy calls from inside.

“i'm Fax Agrona, from Agrona Apothecary-”

“ah, miss Agrona!” the elder Malfoy- well, relative to whoever it is standing at the door- appears, setting a hand on the young boy’s shoulder.

“please, just Fax,” she corrects, because then maybe this won't all be so intimidating.

“well, Fax, this is my son, Scorpius. Scorpius, if you'll excuse us, come in, Fax,” he seems to be in his element, at the Manor, instead of lean and shadowed, like in Fax’s store. though, that might have to do with her store being an exceedingly strange place. “the room is just up here. don't worry about your shoes, this whole place is charmed to the gills.”

the house is massive, in that Fax was right in thinking it a castle. Scorpius goes back to whatever he was doing before Fax knocked, and Draco leads her through long corridors that become short with his relaxed pace. Fax quietly thanks Merlin that she’s barely shorter than him, if at all, and can keep up.

“this is it?” she asks, when Draco gestures to a perfectly normal door. smart, however, to have it blend in. she hefts her bag off her shoulder and sets it in front of the door, pulling out a wood block. “cherry,” she explains, setting it against the door so it presses up against the border of the room. nothing. she jinxes the block into a duck- therefore a magical creature- and holds it up to the same place, this time observing the shimmer that comes with pressing against the wards. she taps the duck back into a black and puts it away, then digs through her bag for- “looks like mountain ash, but it might be- aha.”

“what else could it be?” Draco asks, quietly, like he’s saying it more to himself than to Fax. but she answers anyway.

“a careful ward, maybe, from the pattern of the shimmer. alternatively, the door could just by chance have traces of mountain ash in it, but we won't know until we look, will we?” Fax falls into talking to herself, voice barely intelligible to Draco, probably. he leans against the wall leisurely as she switches the glass of her monocle until she sees what she wants.

Fax opens the door. and whistles.

“that's kind of what tipped me off,” Draco tells her, holding out a minty salve that she rubs under her nose with a grateful smile. “i can't remove it.”

“

, from the looks of it,” Fax fills her cheeks with air and then sighs. “i was confused, before, but i think i really get it now.”

“i am raising a child here, and the last thing i want is for him to find literal skeletons in my literal closets,” Draco graces her with a smirk. Fax laughs quietly, but then looks back at the werewolf bones.

“you've got guts, mister Malfoy,” she sighs again. Draco steps further into the room and frowns.

“technically, it’s lord. but Draco, really.”

“any idea who she is?” Fax asks, crouching beside the corpse, and frowns slightly when Draco shakes his head.

“she’s been here long enough to decompose like this, but that could be anywhere between ten and fifty years.”

“there's no evidence of food or water, so i'm betting on at least twenty,” Fax replies quietly. Draco nods in agreement and takes a step back to stand just outside the doorway again.

“i should actually be reporting this to the Ministry, because of my ex-wife and all, but i don't think even she was capable of leaving a werewolf to rot in a room she can’t escape like this,” he leans against the door thoughtfully, then shakes his head. “don't worry too much about her, i'll have her buried on the property once i can move her. all i need you to do is figure out the border.”

“of course,” Fax nods, but then pauses. “if you could get a sheet or something-”

“didn't think of that,” Draco interrupts, blushing, and disappears down the hall while Fax gathers her things and set about working, ignoring the elephant-corpse in the room.

finding the mountain ash is half the battle, and then there’s extracting it. Draco gives up on supervising and excuses himself to help Scorpius with homework or something.

by the time she’s done, she’s used to the smell of rotten flesh and drywall, but done she is.

“well, you’re all good now,” she announces when Draco check up on her and sees her packaging the recovered materials. “just a couple galleons, and i'm on my way.”

“and a couple extra, for the conditions,” replies Draco, handing over an envelope with a check for Gringotts. “i should have warned you.”

“good hindsight for next time something like this happens,” Fax shrugs, because there’s nothing he can do, now- she already sat for hours with the bones of a poor werewolf. so she takes the check and thanks him for his business and is on her way with a wave to Scorpius, who waves back with wide eyes.

“I cannot believe you actually went,” Barry snaps at her when she meets him for dinner, “and I can’t believe you didn’t bring me along, I could protect you!”

“Ah yes, little Fax, a full-on adult with the ability to duel for herself, no way could she face some rando in his own mansion.”

“In a room lined with mountain ash!”

“You don’t even know what mountain ash is, Bearach,” Fax hisses, glaring at her brother while cutting into her steak. Barry rolls his eyes and takes a long drink of his wine.

“I know that you shouldn’t be doing such reckless things-”

“I travel, brother, to all ends of the Earth in search of dragon egg shavings and bear cub claws because that is my job, alright? I interact with ancient families that actively try to have me killed but hold off long enough because they legitimately need help. I’ve been stuck before, but brother, this is not one of those cases, and it’s done with.”

Barry huffs. Their hostility is in the tabloids the next day. The only Agronas that didn’t join the family business are arguing? Clearly there’s nothing more important to report! Fax ignores the rumors of pregnancy or mutiny or whatever to travel to Taiwan and collect jinxed shrimp from a distressed restaurant.

Everything is calm again when a man much younger than Fax opens the door of her store and reaches up to ring the bell a few times. Obnoxious.

“Can I help you, sir?” Fax asks him, hiding her annoyance.

“Oh!” he jumps, then rubs his hands together and lets the door fall closed behind him. “Teddy Lupin,” he introduces himself, “I’m here on behalf of Harry Potter, he said a colleague recommended your business for the extraction of dinosaur bones from his wand?”

“That’s quite a pickle. Is this urgent? I have a few appointments today, and wands tend to take a while,” Fax replies calmly. Harry Potter- maybe Barry told him to check up on her? Maybe he saw the tabloids?

“I’m sure you can make time for the Head of the Auror office,” Lupin suggests, holding hands behind his back. Fax stares him down, and then nods.

“I’ll have to make a call.”

Indeed, Harry Potter has pterodactyl bones embedded in his wand, and the Ministry is a bit lost on how to get rid of them. Fax puts on a smile and sits down with it and her toolbox, because the bag was too big to bring to the Ministry.

“A young one, from what I can tell,” she remarks when Potter himself sits across from her while she works.

“I’m sure you know why you specifically were called?”

Fax provides a grim smile. “I don’t need checking in on, sir, but thank you for the thought.”

“Barry hasn’t let go of the war. It was my entire childhood, and when it ended, it didn’t in my head. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you to stay away from Draco Malfoy.”

Fax pauses to look up at him incredulously.

“Hell, I encourage it. My son, Albus, heard from Draco’s son that hardly anyone visits the Manor anymore. If he asks you for help again, say yes. Or, if you so choose, go on a friendly visit.”

“Mister Potter-”

“Harry, please.”

“Harry,” Fax amends, “I agree with you entirely, but your opinion is also entirely irrelevant.”

Harry Potter’s turn to be shocked. “Sorry-”

“You may lead the Aurors, and my brother may be one of them, but that doesn’t give you the right to insert yourself into a family issue. If my brother comes to you with advice, advise him, not me. Surely all these years of working with red tape have taught you that there are some lines which are not to be crossed? Find someone else to fix your wand, Mister Potter, because I’m afraid I can’t work in an actively hostile environment such as this.”

With that scathing monologue, Fax sets Potter’s wand down, gets up, and leaves the Ministry without a single look back.

She’s coaxing a stray kneazle into a box so she can take it to a magizoologist when Draco Malfoy turns the corner and sees her. She waves, but puts a finger over her lips and gestures to the kneazle. He smiles and leans on one leg. The kneazle runs away anyways, so Fax just rolls her eyes, stands, and Vanishes the box.

“I do my best,” she shrugs.

“I see,” he nods, with his slight smile, and approaches. “You know, I just want to apologize. If I had any idea asking for help would be such a big deal, I would have asked elsewhere.”

“Did you hear about me going off on Potter?” Fax asks, lips thin, and sighs when Draco laughs as lightly as he smiles. “He doesn’t have a problem with you, it’s my paranoid brother,” she tells him. “You don’t owe me anything, and I don’t owe Potter anything.”

“He definitely owes you, though,” Draco remarks, eyes bright. Fax laughs.

“Hey, are you hungry? There’s a muggle coffee joint just that way,” she goes out on a limb, and when Draco nods, she lets a breath escape.

“I was just on my way here, to be honest,” he tells her once they’ve entered. Fax raises an eyebrow in surprise, but then smiles-

“Interesting,” she narrows her eyes at him and turns to the menu when he mimics her. the barista who greets them with a bright smile reminds Fax of a doll with her dark eyes and soft corners, unlike Fax’s taught skin and square shoulders that seem to fight with her slim jaw for her strangest feature. “hot chocolate, please.”

Fax doesn't see Draco Malfoy for a while after their shared meal, which is fine but for the pleasantry of that meeting, but she does see his son in Hogsmeade when Fax goes to meet Hagrid. Scorpius walks beside Harry Potter’s ginger son, grinning and wiggling his fingers to catch the falling snow. then Scorpius sees Fax, looking around to see which way is fastest to Hagrid’s hut, and waves.

“miss Agrona!” the young blonde calls, grinning even wider, and grabs Potter to pull him towards Fax in a light jog. “hello again!”

“hello Scorpius, how are you?”

“just enjoying the snow,” Scorpius giggles- giggles. he seems unable to contain his excitement.

“and who’s your friend here?” Fax can't remember the Potter’s name.

“Albus Potter, miss. you-uh-”

Fax laughs as quietly as she can when he begins to stutter. “i yelled at your father, didn't i?” she smiles, and Albus blushes while nodding. Scorpius laughs too.

“you should come by the Manor again, father is getting frustrated with some artifacts that you probably know more about than him,” he suggests, eyes open, and tucks a few stray pale strands of hair behind his ears, letting go of Albus’ hand.

“maybe i will, but right now i have a meeting with Hagrid. any idea which way is best to his hut?” Fax asks, quietly amazed with herself for interacting with a couple of teenagers and not smacking either of them. they don't seem like horrible kids, though, considering the kind of people their fathers were, years ago. or mothers, for that matter- the teens just send her in the right direction and say farewell. she figures that if Scorpius isn't so bad, that Draco’s done a good job.

the lord Malfoy bursts into her store while she’s trying to have a lunch break but also design something nice for the flowers in the front window. he looks horrible, entirely disheveled, and yet still beautiful.

“i found a bag of wind, and it’s taking apart my bloody house-”

Fax resists the urge to laugh and swiftly strides over to take his arm and apparatus back to the manor with him. indeed, there's a hole in the roof where the attic has been blown apart, and far above, the winds gather in a menacing cloud.

as Draco leads the way to the attic in a frenzy, he describes what happened.

“thought i'd get some cleaning done, with Scorpius at school, and when this happened i went to the Ministry, of course, and they took one look at me and told me to leave or be removed, bunch of idiots.”

“aguamenti,” Fax mutters to a length of rope gathered in the corner of the attic, where the wind hasn't gotten to yet. her hair whips against her face as she tries to wrestle the bag into remaining in one place so she can secure the rope around it.

“what do i do?” Draco yells over the howling gusts as another patch of roofing peels itself from the stable beams of the house. his hair moves with the wind, too, but less against his skull like he used to slick it and more like a stranger riding waves at the beach and catching glances

“i just have to- there,” Fax says to herself, finally securing the lip of the bag. but the storm outside churns with a threat. “we have to patch up your roof before the cloud breaks, or you have a worse problem than you started with.”

so they work quickly, with half-baked water repellant charms and old tin buckets and a spare mattress that they cut in half to spread it wider, if thinner.

and then they sit. the rain is worse than Fax expected, but their charms don't give in.

“thanks,” Draco mutters, as they sit in tense silence, each drop from the one leak echoing around the attic.

“i'm here for crazy, Draco,” Fax shrugs and curls her fingers around her shins absently. for all she's claimed of loving rain before- ha.

“were you friends with Lovegood, in school?”

Fax blinks, frowning. “No, she was plain weird.” Draco looks like he’s about to laugh, but then he doesn't, and turns his head to watch the water drip. “I was more friendly with Sprout and Chang and- a couple muggleborns that you probably don’t know. Funny, considering.” Fax doesn’t mention Cedric. Draco seems to understand, and frowns.

“I’m-”

“I already forgive you, Draco, it was a long time ago,” she interrupts. “It’s funny how I don’t talk to any of them, but I now read the Quibbler on the daily and consult with her and Longbottom all the time.”

“We all ended up a little different, even my cousin, who was truly already different.”

Fax has to go- she’s due to meet Luna, actually, and her husband, Rolf, in Bollywood for dinner and the rescue of an imprisoned erumpent. “We can get him back to Africa, we already have somewhere set up,” they wrote a few weeks ago, “but with the musk and elaborate locks, we need your help.” She eyes the patches that have replaced the roof and stands slowly to inspect them.

“I- um,” she figures discussing his son will be too long of a conversation, “I actually have to go see the Scamanders now, but if you need more help-”

“No,” Draco replies quickly, standing as well and starting to lead her out. “I can repair the roof myself, since it’s not like I’m busy these days. Send my love,” he nods slightly, and thanks her for the help, forgetting to pay her. Fax doesn’t mind. Luna laughs at her cheerfully despite the situation when she arrives and tells the couple about her day.

“Whenever someone tells him they’re going to see me, he says that, but I haven’t received an owl or caught a glimpse since Scorpius was born. His mind is guarded by-”

The erumpent emits more musk. Fax’s eyes widen, and she claps a hand over Luna’s mouth and watches how the cage reacts. “Later, alright?”

Fax sees Scorpius again when he enters the store with Albus and Harry Potter in tow. “cheerio!” he calls, smile bright, hand tight in Albus’ grip.

“Scorpius, how nice to see you again, and Albus, Auror Potter.”

“please, just Harry outside of the Ministry.”

Fax just nods, gut twisting with nerves. “how can i help you gentlemen? flowers, fruit, blast-ended skrewt legs?”

Scorpius steps forward, suddenly dipped in shadow the same way his father was. “we need mountain ash-infused jars.”

“we don’t- we don't need them, Scorp-”

“yes we do!”

“regardless of necessity, i believe they are just along the wall here,” Fax puts a stop to the younglings’ bickering and casts a lumps, which makes her vegetarian fly trap flinch, but the other plants and materials are tolerant enough to her magic.

“and how much?” Harry asks, digging into his pockets already while the two friends pick out what they’d like.

“who’s asking?” Fax utters with a smirk. so she's still a little cheesed, whatever. Harry looks horrified for only a moment before she feels bad and waves him off. “it's fine. three jars should be twelve sickles.”

“Luna told me you helped again.”

“sounds like i'm doing drugs instead of being a good person, Harry,” she turns and hands him his change after putting his galleon into the cash register. “and didn't we already establish that my business has no place in the Auror office?” Harry at least blushes.

“i mean no disrespect, miss Agrona.”

Scorpius snickers. Fax narrows her eyes at him and smiles. “i'm sure, Harry. now, is there anything else you need or will the next time i see you all be at the anniversary ball?”

Scorpius is a real funny kid, Fax decides, and decides to tell Draco the next time she sees him. except that the time doesn't come for a while. Fax goes about her business, waiting on a certain blonde to stride across the threshold of her store and ask for a unicorn hair or some other odd thing that only she would have. she's only left to wonder what happened to his roof.

Christmas comes and goes, and then the year changes, and then nothing exciting happens for months.

well, that may be an exaggeration, as Fax ends up meeting the president of America and shaking his hand and removing pterodactyl bones from

wand, which is a strange coincidence, and then Hagrid give Fax a grand tour of the Dark Forest next to Hogwarts, including introductions to the various civilized species which live there. Fax ends up removing nails from a centaur’s hoof, and is rewarded with fewer threats than when Hagrid introduced her. which is all exciting, yes.

but no Malfoy and no Potter and even no Agrona but Fax herself enters Agrona Apothecary until springtime. when all of the above decide it is time for a visit at the exact same time.

first arrives Barry, with a kiss on the cheek and green tea with lemon and honey, no milk or sugar. he sits at her desk and pokes the bristles of the fly trap until it bites him.

next are Ginny and Harry Potter, in search of a really pitiful description of something Albus wants. Barry jumps up and helps them, cradling his acidic finger, when Fax just looks lost. she doesn't speak teenager anymore.

to top it all off, she's rearranging the flowers in the front when Draco Malfoy steps up and begins correcting his hair in the window. Fax bites her lip to keep from laughing and waves, which makes him realize she’s there so his face can turn entirely sanguine.

“sorry!” he mouths, but looks over the flowers with a sheepish smile and gestures to the door, opening it moments later. Fax starts to take off her gloves when Barry storms past her with the most insincere smile she’s ever seen him wear.

“mister Malfoy! fancy seeing you here!”

Fax frowns, but figures he’s a big boy and can handle an Agrona here and there.

“what a hairline for someone our age,” Ginny whispers, having left Harry to choose between two shades of blue. Fax frowns deeper and reaches her hand up self consciously- but then Ginny laughs. “not you, Agrona, him! Malfoy. he's doing better than all of our other classmates. well, the male ones.”

“oh,” Fax’s frown relaxes. so Ginny didn't come over to be a nasty ginger. “i don't pay attention to that sort of thing.”

“well, you will when you're married,” Ginny smiles fondly, which reminds Fax of her mother. she wants to laugh, suddenly, but doesn't. “i think in just a few years, i'll have to start shaving him,” Ginny shakes her head, watching the confused man look between the two products and adjust his glasses. but Fax isn't exactly conventional, so she just nods instead of actually agreeing.

“would you like to hurt me, Agrona? kill me? torture my son? because, what, my father raised me a certain way and i was too stupid to see he was wrong?” Draco sneers. “that doesn't make you any better than him, and you know it. if you can't end the war in your mind, at least stay on the side you stand for.”

Fax fills her cheeks with air and strides over to her brother, who has paled and curled his hands into fists. “Draco! how can i help you? you seemed interested in the flowers, earlier.”

Barry turns to her, jaw slack. “you-”

“yes, actually, i’m intending to give my cousin Luna a bouquet, i’ll be joining her for dinner tonight.”

“Fax-” Barry hisses. she ignores him. Ginny laughs again.

“yes, she wrote and told me you two are once again on actual speaking terms,” Fax tells Draco, who barely blushes, but settles his hands in his pockets.

“right. how do i apologize and also inspire enthusiasm?”

“just showing up, i'm sure, will do the trick, but,” she pulls on her gloves and reaches into the center of the display. “i happen to know that she and Rolf enjoy their centerpiece with no relation to the color of their dining room.”

Draco watches her rearrange the bouquet for travel.

“how can you sell to this man?” Barry finally breaks and demands. Fax raises her eyebrows while Draco arches one, and Harry, from his corner of indecision, reaches for his wand.

“i don't discriminate, brother, and even if i did, this is on the house.”

now Draco’s eyes widen, but only slightly. “i can’t-”

“it’s for Luna, yes?” he nods. “on the house.”

“Fax, i will not-”

“Bearach, i will not allow such hostility in my store. kindly exit, sir.” Fax snaps, and when Barry looks to his superior for guidance, all he gets is Harry Potter gripping his wand tightly. so the other Agrona leaves. Fax fills her cheeks with air.

“thank you,” Draco breathes.

“of course. and thank you, Harry,” Fax adds, turning to the Auror. “may i recommend the darker shade of blue? to match his eyes?”

Barry ignores Fax for a while, and then goes back to being the childish older brother he’s always been, but with less comments about her safety. because she's fine, and even Harry Potter agrees.

he especially doesn't come around the day of the anniversary ball, which is more like of a tradition than a solemn honoring of those lost in the war. which isn't to say there’s no solemnity, but there's also wine. so Fax feeds her fly trap and then feeds her actual fly trap and then pulls her hair into a lopsided braid so it isn't in her face while she washes the floor with muggle tools. she barely looks up when the door opens.

“miss Agrona?”

“oh, Scorpius, i'll only be a minute, i'm just-”

she waves a hand towards the door. “cleaning. what can i help you with today?”

“my father would like to buy some flowers, he said you’re good at picking them out, but he had to get my dress robes, so i volunteered to come here.”

“that's responsible of you,” Fax smiles, dropping her gloves on the counter beside her own wilting bouquet. “what are the flowers for?”

she can't really help the little twist in her stomach, the little hope.

“well,” Scorpius pauses. he steps from side to side, hands clasped. Fax narrows her eyes at him, nearly impatient, but he is only a teenager and therefore destined to be difficult, so she gives him time. “they're actually for me, i- i wanted to get Albus some flowers. and you, too.”

Fax smiles, relaxing, ignoring herself to step towards the front of the store and pick out some carnations and then holds up a lily in one hand and a daisy in the other. “ones named after his sister. what do you think?” Scorpius points to the daisy.

Draco then steps into the store, spots Scorpius, and sighs. “there you are.”

Fax hums. “not quite so responsible of you anymore, buddy,” she pats his shoulder and hands him the bouquets. they're small enough to fit in one of the glasses at the ball, so he can gift them there, but bulky enough to show sincerity.

“sorry,” he mutters. Draco just smiles slightly and looks up at Fax, then back down to the flowers. Fax shakes her head. “wait, how much do i-”

“get out of here,” Fax laughs, and waves as they walk away. she only realizes after they're gone how horrible she looks.

which she makes up for at the ball, having shaved, washed, dressed, and styled herself before apparating herself to Hogsmeade Station where the Thestral-led carriages pull guests up to the castle. Barry arrived at the same time and helps her into one of the carriages before himself and two of his coworkers.

Harry greets Fax and asks how she’s doing. she smiles and says “fine, how are you?” which she counts for personal growth. Ginny compliments her choice of dress, which is a stiff black two piece gown that she rented because she isn't exactly twenty anymore. Fax compliments her back.

“good evening everyone,” calls Minerva McGonagall, which brings everyone to find a seat at any small round table around the floored Quidditch Pitch. Fax sits with Barry and their other brothers. “welcome to the eighteenth annual Anniversary Ball for the Second Wizarding War, which ended here on this day, the aforementioned years ago.” Fax bites her lip. “you all look dashing tonight, and i do hope you enjoy yourselves amidst the music, food, and reunion of your comrades from years ago, or new friendships with old enemies. despite the sides which were taken at the time, we all have in common that we survived. a toast, that we all embrace peace for another year.”

Fax raises her glass, and proceeds to ignore the tear-jerker that follow McGonagall. then the music starts and the food appears, brought in by volunteers instead of house elves.

“a change made by Hermione Granger, no doubt,” coughs someone from another table. most of Fax’s brothers don't care, but Barry glares heatedly at the source of the comment.

“you've caused enough chaos for this year, Bear,” Fax tells him, referring to that stupid tantrum with Malfoy. Barry fixes his glare on her. “stop defending people’s honor, especially those who can take care of it themselves. now, literal safety? fine, but don't overstep your bounds.”

“how about you stop telling me what to do, little sister?” Barry huffs, but takes her advice. Fax is the middle child, anyways.

eventually the music gets louder and gains lyrics, which brings some guests to the dance floor- especially the young ones. Fax watches Scorpius invite Albus to a stilted waltz to a Wierd Sisters anthem and resists a laugh, instead settling for cookies. when she gets up to get herself a Shirley Temple, however, she feels glad her dress is so stiff.

“Fax, thank Merlin,” Draco perks up from a table with Luna, Rolf, and their extensions. it's clear that Albus and Scorpius were sitting with them before they went for the dance of their lives.

“really?” Fax wonders, curious smile growing on her lips. Luna grins.

“Scorpius has been so excited to see you all day, it's unbelievable,” Draco continues, getting up. “do you mind if i join you?”

“not at all, i was just going to get something to drink.”

as they walk, Draco explains Scorpius’ excitement. “he’s never given anyone flowers before. it went beautifully awkward with Albus, just so you know.”

“Scorpius is a funny kid,” she finally tells him, and goes on to tell him about the times she saw him before and how Draco has done well, himself. Draco goes quiet when she tells him that.

“i had help,” he utters, then smiles weakly.

“it takes a village, not a woman, Draco,” Fax shakes her head. Draco’s smile relaxes somewhat. “Shirley Temple, please,” she asks George Weasley. it's the first year that Fax knows of that he’s attended; with losing his brother and all, she can understand him needing something to do other than mingle.

“really?” Draco mimics, which earns a laugh from Fax. “sherry, please, only a little.” they accept their drinks and walk along the skirting path between the tables and the bleachers. “he’s quite brave, though, with the flowers and the dance.”

Fax’s stomach twists. she nods and pushes the cherry aside while taking a sip of her drink. “he certainly looks terrified,” she nods, and they look over, finding the pair amongst the growing number of dancers. “well, he did.”

“they look happy,” and Draco looks proud. Fax smiles. “i can't imagine smiling that much in my teenage years.”

“gosh, can anyone?” Fax wonders, looking up at the stars. “it's a gift,” she shrugs. Draco laughs quietly. Scorpius spots them and soon appears with the carnations Fax picked earlier.

“madam,” he bows politely and holds out the bouquet. “for you.”

“thank you, good sir,” Fax smiles wider than usual. the off-white natural color of the flowers compliment her dress, because she has some form of forethought. “and how did Albus take his daisies?”

“he said they were pretty,” Scorpius replies, blushing fiercely. Draco puts a hand on his shoulder with a tender expression foreign to who he was as a teenager.

“what a fool. daisies can hardly be prettier than you, little one, he clearly meant to speak of the gift-giver, rather than the gift itself.”

Scorpius’ blush deepens. “i agree,” Fax adds softly, crouching so her dress wrinkles, but she’s eye to eye with the teenager. “you’re just like your dad when he was your age.”

“much kinder,” Draco smiles slyly. Fax nods and stands again.

“much.”

just an awareness of change. of time passed and friends lost. a personality, stripped.

Fax is dressed up again the next time she sees Draco Malfoy, and he’s in trouble for the nth time. but it’s her brother who swings the door of her store open to side-along apparate her somewhere.

“it’s Malfoy.”

Fax goes. she’s in the middle of a meeting with a Ministry official, but the woman clearly recognizes her Auror brother and nods frantically. Fax doesn't even glance at her pantsuit or rub off her shaky eyeliner nor her makeup before grasping Barry’s arm and being pulled through a straw. they resurface at St. Mungo’s.

“Draco?” the man looks utterly wrecked. he’s standing, but he looks like he’s about to fall over. and they're just in the waiting room, but Fax figures waiting is the hardest part. “Draco,” she breathes, stepping forward carefully. Barry hangs back.

“they won't tell me-”

Fax nods like she already knows when really it doesn't matter; she just pulls him into a shaky hug where he pulls her suit jacket into his fists and buries his face in her shoulder.

“he’s in good hands,” she murmurs, carding her fingers through his matted locks. “let’s sit, okay? sit down,” she slowly maneuvers him to one of the benches in the room. Draco isn't the only one falling apart. Barry casts a cushioning charm on the bench before they get there, which makes Fax look over at him with wide eyes.

Barry just nods. and helps Draco sit.

“they won't tell me anything,” the blonde finally chokes out, falling into a sob. but then he shudders and drags in a breath. “he was in bad shape, is all they’ll say. i could be here for hours.”

“was, was, that's past tense,” she points out, while fear gnaws at her gut. Draco sniffs and rolls his eyes.

“intelligent of you,” he spits. Fax sighs.

“they're preparing a spot for him in the post-surgical ward, which isn't allowed visitors, but they’ll tell us when he’s there and where he is after that,” Barry announces rushing over and kneeling in front of them. “he’s okay.”

Draco falls further into the seat, all breath leaving his lungs, hands scrubbing at his face. “i just can't lose him.”

Barry, too, closes his eyes at that, and nods. understands. Luna storms in with red eyes and pulls Barry up, demanding to know what he did.

“Luna!” Rolf squeaks, but Barry manages to calm her down and explain.

it's hours later, in Scorpius’ reserved room while he sleeps, that Draco finally explains what happened and then asks about Fax’s state of dress.

“oh, this old thing?” she laughs quietly, so as not to wake the sleeping boy, and swipes below her eyes where there really can't be any eyeliner left. “i had a routine meeting with the Ministry. witch without borders, and all.”

“Merlin, i didn’t-”

“stop, hey,” Fax leans forward, suddenly solemn. “you seem to think that spending time with you, helping or otherwise, is detrimental to me. but i like you, Draco, and I like your son, and i don't want you to pay me for flowers or for jars or for anything.”

for a moment, the blonde looks like he doesn't believe her, and then his eyes close. “i don't deserve this.”

“don’t you? doesn't he?” Fax asks rhetorically, because they both know the answer. Scorpius blinks and groans. instantly, Draco is on his feet and reaching for his son, soothing him back to sleep.

“his mother is not a good woman,” he says after, turning back to Fax. “i need time to think.”

“if you, or he, need anything, call me, i won't say a word.”

Fax leaves. her heart is pounding, blood rushing in her ears. Barry tells her he approves.

no Malfoy chooses to contact Fax until she happens upon the young one in Hogsmeade again. he hugs her, and she makes sure he’s alright, but then he grips her elbows with a frown.

“we miss you. father needs you.”

“that may be, but i told him to call if he’d like to see me, and i've not received anything,” Fax doesn't need to crouch as low as before. Scorpius scowls.

“he writes letters, and then he burns them. i have better game than he does.” Fax almost laughs at that, but the teenager seems sincerely disappointed. “consider this your invite. when can you next ambush him?”

“i'm not ambushing anyone, even at your behest, Scorpius, i stand by my word. if you ask, i will be there, but i will not traumatize your father because you think it’s right.” even though she wants to. Scorpius seems to know that. he narrows his eyes.

“Albus,” he calls, and the other teen skips up to them. “how do i get around her?”

“walk?” comes the suggestion. Scorpius rolls his eyes while Fax just smiles.

“how about you talk to your dad?” she shrugs, then spots Hagrid. “i have to go, it was good to see you, boys.”

Scorpius is a clever one, indeed, and Fax says so after stepping through the Floo at Malfoy Manor. Draco stands only a few feet away with a quiet smile gracing his eyes.

“i managed the boggart,” he informs her, but doesn't suggest that she isn't needed. instead, he gestures to the kitchen, where potatoes are mashing themselves and a knife lays beside a half-carved ham.

“anything i can-” Draco turns to face her, and she finds herself trapped between the blonde and a counter. a table. something. “help with?” his eyes flick around her face, then meet her gaze.

“could you roll the dough? i was just making shepherd's pie,” he murmurs, leaning forward just barely. Fax breathes.

“course.”

#draco malfoy #draco malfoy/oc #not a flortist #captainfile

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racingtoaredlight · 7 years

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RTARL goes to the cineplex to see the movie FOR CHARITY! and watches Transformers: The Last Knight, an official RTARL movie review blog post (with spoilers)

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Is Marky Mark the titular last knight? Yes, Marky Mark is the last knight.

I went to see Transformers: The Last Knight for some kind of fundraiser thing but let’s be honest here - I was going to pay for it anyway. I can thank my friend for giving me a better excuse than just really liking dumb shit about giant monsters and robots from outer space but I really, really like dumb shit about giant monsters and robots from outer space. This is why movies exist. As for the movie itself it is a loud, obnoxious, borderline racist, confused, confusing, unfunny, train wreck of a movie with product placement and toy selling so obvious it made the whole theater laugh AND it is by far the best one of these movies so far. Even with the strange twists it takes with the “canon” of Transformers lore. Like, stuff that could have just been given a new name not to piss off purists was just given old names for the sake of not having to think up a couple of new letters. This is the artistic genius of Michael Bay.

The movie is split into two parts: the beginning and the ending. Each takes roughly an hour and fifteen minutes which means, yes, this is the shortest Transformers movie in years. For a series that’s on its fifth entry it’s kind of amazing how long it takes to establish the characters and the stakes but things really don’t start happening for probably an hour. I’m exaggerating to say there’s no middle to the movie but it is slight.

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Characters show up in that awesome overly familiar way where your wondering, “who is that?” but everybody on screen is treating them like a beloved icon. Jerrod Carmichael is in this movie, I love him! Every time he showed up and said some kids party level jokes I couldn’t help thinking, “I hope Jerrod Carmichael makes millions for this.” Anthony Hopkins is in a lot of the advertising so I knew to expect him but if you thought the material was beneath him I’ll be happy to tell you that he’s playing a senile old man from England and his doddering is part of the humor. So we’re not just laughing with him, we’re laughing at him. I guess that’s actually not great for him. Marky Mark is back! He’s from Texas! His daughter is gone because of college which is still a thing that people are doing even as the world has been ripped to shreds by giant robots from outer space and the attempts to eradicate said giant robots from outer space. She’s been replaced by a much younger latinx daughter figure who Mark Mark of Texas pulls from the rubble in Chicago and calls her J-Lo. They have an argument about her leaving that I’m pretty sure doubles back on itself to where Marky Mark of Texas started off telling her to leave and ends with him telling her to stay. They live in a junk yard that’s a hiding place for Autobots. The college bit also comes up because the Megan Fox looking lady from the trailers who is actually not Megan Fox is an Oxford professor with a laundry list of credentials. Oddly, outside of this movie I don’t think she actually looks like Megan Fox, either. In any case, she’s super educated and British. Hijinks ensue. Also, returning are Josh Duhamel, in his role as military guy we’re supposed to like for some reason, and Stanley Tucci, in a role unrealted to what he was in the last one. No shit, he’s playing Merlin the Magician. It’s amazing. Merlin is a drunken womanizer who has already pledged his life to the dark arts but he actually becomes a magician with the help of some Transformers friends.

The Transformers train the Knights of the Round Table and give them some magical gifts from Cybertron so that the knights can be honorable and righteous and a litany of other shit. What makes the Transformers side with King Arthur instead of the Saxons they’re fighting? It doesn’t matter. There are a bunch of old paintings and photographs from history that have Transformers in them. A Transformer was the watch that killed Hitler. They’ve been on Earth for thousands of years (it was millions in the last movie) and Cybertron has been dead for that whole time but, also, Cybertron is still out there and needs to co-opt Earth so that it can stay alive. Quintessa, the creator of all life on Cybertron, plucks Optimus Prime out of space and recruits him to get some staff that Merlin had that can make Earth an energy coupling thing that will complete the thing where Earth becomes Cybertron. If you’ve ever watched the classic cartoon The Transformers: The Movie, the Quintessons are in there but they didn’t create Cybertron and they aren’t gods. If that bit of stupid little Transformers canon changing doesn’t bother you SPOILER! Earth is actually Unicron! So the creator of Cybertron (something Prime, I can’t think of what. Sentinel maybe?) who is canonically supposed to be the good half that fights the bad half that is Unicron is actually bad and wants to co-opt Earth and make Earth into a new Cybertron but Earth is already the evil Unicron. SPOILER! Unicron is supposed to be evil in this movie, too, even if they don’t really get around to actually saying that until the part at the end where they leave the door open for another sequel even though this is the final chapter. For a movie that is ending for half of its run-time I guess it makes total sense that they don’t quite get the concept of ending the series, either.

I’m trying to piece together the plot of the movie but I can’t really get it any clearer than what I have as the first spoiler. Here’s an attempt: The government wants to kill all Transformers but Josh Duhamel’s part of the government stops the other part of the government from killing the Autobots in Chicago, which is sealed off danger zone, then turns around and signs a deal with Megatron that will give Megatron a talisman that Marky Mark has and the Josh Duhamel part of the government will kill the Autobots in the process. Or, no, they’ll kill the Decepticons in the process. Optimus Prime flew off into space at the end of the last movie but now he’s just floating around in space frozen until he ends up falling onto Cybertron. There’s a weird Transformers version of Hellraiser that goes on for a minute and then Optimus agrees to everything Quintessa is saying and announces, “I am Nemesis Prime!” Back on Earth the Megan Fox looking British professor is getting nagged by the ladies in her family to find a man and then Mark Mark of Texas shows up. Wait, this is wrong, she was hanging around before that. Anthony Hopkins breaks into her car and talks to it and then his robot butler shows up. Shit, I have this all wrong.

Anyway, Amegan Fox gets in her car and it turns out to be Hot Rod (also from The Transformers: The Movie fame) who has a French accent now. Hot Rod has apparently been acting as her car all along but had never revealed himself. Did I mention there are baby Dinobots? I don’t think it had ever been established before that Transformers have growth cycles like animals on Earth but apparently they do. I guess that means they reproduce sexually but they can also just be created by touching the All-Spark and they can live forever but also can die of old age but can also come back to life from being dead of old age but they just die when they are killed in battle unless they are rebuilt. Megatron transforms into a plane now. I just remembered that.

Anthony Hopkins takes Marky Mark and his group of Transformers back to the ancient castle where Hopkins lives and he has Hot Rod bring the Unmegan Fox, too. She falls down a mountain and then they walk around talking about Transformers throughout history. Marky Mark is the last night but Notmegan is even more important because she’s related to Merlin so her DNA is actually tied to the staff thingy that Megatron has or wants or whatever. Only she can actually use the thing but every Transformer wants the staff so that they can use it. There’s an exciting phone conversation between Anthony Hopkins and John Turturro that ends with Anthony Hopkins tearing a page out of a book at the library. There’s a car chase or two. Then Hopkins, Marky Mark, and The Girl go to a submarine that she somehow controls. It’s not a Transformers submarine, it’s just a submarine that is dry docked as a museum. At some point, probably earlier than this, Stonehenge is announced as part of Unicron that’s important because... Also, Unicrons six horns (why are there six instead of just two?) are scattered around the globe because of plate tectonics.

Buster from Arrested Development is an important physicist for NASA. He stands in a room with an ever-evolving color palette and yells about mysticism versus physics. Everybody in this movie chooses to not believe things that are happening due to Transformers even though it’s been ten years now of seeing Transformers destroy the planet. Cybertron is barrelling towards the Earth and will destroy the planet. The moon gets shredded by Cybertron flying past it. Still, nobody believes much of anything except for Marky Mark of Texas who is doing his level best to be serious with some of the worst dialog ever written. Let’s go back to the sub chase, speaking of bad dialog, where Josh Duhamel sees a giant alien spaceship submerged and says out loud, “That’s a giant alien spaceship.” This movie is a classic.

Once they all get to the giant alien spaceship they find all of the old Transformers knights who want to kill The Other Megan Fox even though Marky Mark of Texas has the talisman they’re supposed to defend and she has the power to release the staff that guides them all. Then they’re friends because Nemesis Prime shows up. The knight Transformers combine to form a robotic Ghidorah. There’s an hour or so of people and robots sliding around and yelling things and Cybertron slowly taking over the planet but not really getting very far beyond the original push. There are giant metal slabs hanging in the sky over Earth but once the evil plot is stopped through whatever mechanism the staff being reclaimed causes the takeover to stop, the metal slabs never fall. Optimus Prime gives a speech and then a woman in a sari tells some guy that she can teach him how to kill Unicron. She’s a Transformer!

There’s a subplot about Bumblebee trying to get his original voice back but the part they have to give him his voice is female. Transformers are not at all trans-friendly, it turns out. Somehow he has his original voice for three seconds just to tell Nemesis Prime that he’s Optimus Primes oldest friend. That makes Nemesis Prime turn back into Optimus Prime which we know because he says, “I am Optimus Prime.” There is a sequence where Megatron is getting to choose which Decepticons that have been imprisoned get released and we get one minute character bios with name titles for six new Transformers. Every robot talks about kicking ass. There is a sequence set in Nazi Germany where Bumblebee leads Allied soldiers even though he landed on Earth in the first movie which was set in 2007. The secret order that Anthony Hopkins belongs to is called Witwiccan in a sly nod to the old TV shows, comics and first three movies in the series (Shia LaBoeuf played Sam Witwicky) and the character played by Laura Haddock (not Megan Fox) is related to Shia LaBoeuf but she is the last in her line. So I guess Shia died offscreen at some point. There is nothing bad about this movie.

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Official RTARL rating for Transformers: The Last Knight:

6 STARS OUT OF 100 STARS - A MODERN CLASSIC

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#rtarl goes to the movies #transformers #the last knight #optimus prime #mark wahlberg #jerrod carmichael #anthony hopkins #megatron #unicron #movie reviews #rtarl movie review #rtarl gives back to the community #charity #spoilers

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