#she is autistic and anyone who doesn't think that is wrong sorry I don't make the rules

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

Would you be willing to do a platonic jinx and silco with a autistic fem reader? Has trouble with communucation and socialization, a bit clumsy, but is otherwise very loyal and sweet to them both and one of the few people who not only can keep up with jinx intelligence wise but actually understand her. Silco and jinx one day overhear one of silco's goon straight up call her an "idiot freak" or something really horrible not knowing she's more than just that kid that hangs around jinx all the time but is pretty much family.

(hello! I however, do not write autistic readers because I do not have autism or know anyone who does and I don't want to be insensitive for anything about that so I cannot do that so sorry. But anyways, enjoy!)

Little Dysfunctional Family

Jinx

Jinx was ways happy to have you

Even if you had your quirks

She wasn't always the best with communication either

She was also accident prone, now and then when she was a certain someone

She didn't like socializing, she hated it

She didn't like being around fake ass goons who thought kissing up to her would get them on Silcos good side

It got tiring

So, having you, and knowing your love and being with her was genuine??

Made everything else matter absolutely jack shit

She treats you like a sibling, maybe if your younger, like a little kid sibling she never had

She will be very protective and loving

She doesn't want anything to happen to you

Or for anything, or anyone to take you away

She doesn't think she can handle that

So she does whatever it means to keep you happy and very loved

As long as you love her the same

It's a great deal, really

She is very happy you're able to connect with her on so many different levels

Especially when you help her when she has freak outs

You understand why she has them, and how she is the way she is

But you never judged her about it

Or really questioned it, you were just you, and you were there for her

And she will always love you for that

And that you're able to keep up with her highly energetic ways is amazing

And how you can make gadgets and go on and on for hours on end with her

She loves

She never had someone like that before, so now that she does

She doesn't wanna let it go and doesn't want anything to change

So to hear someone talk shit about you??

You??

The amazing one, her fucking sibling, like they're nothing??

Oh boy

When Jinx is mad, she is mad

There are no limits

She will do whatever the hell she pleases to them

She'll toy with them for a little tho lmao

She'll be asking

"Why do ya think that?? Wow, what else do you think?"

Acting coy, a fake pleasant and charming smile on her face while she is seething inside

Then she'll just bust out

"Well, funny you say that about, y'know, my best friend."

She'd be giggling while the goon is terrified

Everybody knows

don't fuck with Jinx

She's a firecracker is under the protection and love of the Eye of Zaun

So, safe to say

That goon is GONE

never to be seen again

Oh well, cuts your losses

Jinx will then rant to you about it and be telling you how wrong the goon is

She'll also probably tell you bits of what he said, and make it out like he tried attacking her to justify what she did

But it's okay!

Who can be mad at this amazing girl?

Silco

He is the Eye of Zaun, man

He may not show it or say it very often, but he cares deeply about you and Jinx

He's had you guys for so long, he forgot what it was like without you both

He didn't care that you didn't very function well with socializing and communicating

To him, you were perfect

Because you were you

He wasn't good with that stuff either, like Jinx

That's what makes you all an amazing little family

A family that protects one another from anything

You all were basically molded with the same skills, some lacking in some departments, but we'll enough to appreciate one another

Even if it's not said every day

You knew it, Jinx knew it, and so did Silco

So, he wants to keep you and Jinx happy

He wants you guys to be taken care of

He also appreciated that you can connect with Jinx on a level he can not

Intelligence wise and her personality in general

Not many can keep up with the blue haired wonder

So, it's very much appreciated that you keep her alive while also indulging in her activities

He will not let anyone talk shit about you

Did you see how he acted when Sevika tried to call Jinx a problem??

Well, he'd act sorta like that

If the goon kept going on about you and saying shit

He's be silently pissed as they keep running their fucking mouth

If they even get the chance

He may not kill them per se

But they will be traumatized, no doubt

If they go far enough, he'd probably send Sevika on their ass

He would not stand for it

He would also, probably call them into his office and play a physiological game

He'd threaten them no doubt

And you and Jinx are giggling up in the rafters having the time of your lives watching this absolute jackass almost piss himself

Anyway, Silco would not let any asshole try and run all over you

He taught you better than to let that happen

He also will take care of it for you

It's his way of showing fatherly love

It's not perfect, but it's the way that he knows he can show it without screwing up

#arcane x reader #arcane #jinx arcane #arcane jinx #arcane violet #jinx x reader #sevika arcane #arcane sevika #grayson arcane #silco arcane #arcane silco #silco x reader #arcane silco x reader #jinx x reader platonic #jinx league of legends #silco platonic #silco x reader platonic #arcane jinx x reader #jinx arcane x reader #jinx x gender neutral reader #arcane reader

[chuuya-fan-page]

Regarding E’s post about Taylor Swift...

No offense, but who are you to say that? Like, let people have their fun. Who are they hurting by adding Taylor Swift to their soukoku playlists and posting about her songs/lyrics in relation to them? If it annoys you—don’t interact with it. Scroll past, press not interested/dismiss depending on the platform you’re on, filter tags/key words, block people (Blocking was made to allow people to curate their timelines and not see content they don’t want, it doesn’t mean the blocker has some sort of agenda against the person they blocked, like many people love to pretend). All these alternatives are a million times better than being mean about it. As a placeholder for blocking, you can also filter out someone’s username on Tumblr and it’ll hide all their posts from your dash the same way filtering a tag would. There are so many ways to avoid this without posting about it and spreading negativity.

If you disagree with someone in regard to a song fitting a ship (or anything fandom related, really), that’s completely okay. That’s your opinion, and you are entitled to it. What you’re not entitled to is shaming the person for it and telling them what they are and aren’t allowed to do.

Some Taylor songs genuinely fit them very well, in my opinion. Yes, also in my opinion, not all the songs people claim do actually fit them. But in their opinion the songs do, and who am I to tell them they’re wrong? My opinion isn’t in any way superior to theirs. And I’m not about to tell people what to think, or how they can interpret relationships, or what songs they’re allowed/not allowed to have in their relationship playlists. It’s not my place to. It’s not anybody’s place to.

It’s the same way the problem with the Chuuya hate page isn’t that they hate Chuuya, but instead that they’re unnecessarily loud and mean about it. Of course, I’m not trying to say that you’re “the same” or anything, because what the Chuuya hate page is doing is a thousand times worse than this, but this is the beginning of what evolves to be posts like theirs.

Not to mention that this whole mindset of “Stop making everything about X”/“Stop throwing X at everything” is rooted in ableism. What if an autistic person has Taylor as their special interest and they can’t help make everything about her? Heck, what if they have soukoku and Taylor Swift as special interests simultaneously and combining the two brings them unrestrained joy? Why should that bother you?

As an autistic person, I’m really tired of people telling me to stop making everything about my special interests. It’s genuinely out of my control, and I don’t understand why my happiness annoys them so much.

Please don’t take this as hate. The whole reason I sent this is because I like this blog, and I like to believe you’re mature enough to understand what I’m saying and where I’m coming from. Thank you for taking the time to read this <3

Hey I'm sorry that my post was read as being mean, I didn't mean for it to come across as anti-Taylor Swift. I do have my own issues with her but her music is good and I don't have a problem with people thinking a few of her songs fit whoever.

And also I'm not talking about actually explaining why you think a song fits them, that's cool as fuck. Analysis is great I love character analysis, especially if you talk about songs that represent the character and why.

Now respectfully, I think you are reading into a post too much but you did send me a well formatted ask so i'll by paragraph.

Who am I to say that? It's a take, I can have those and I wasn't shaming anyone. I said Taylor Swift makes good music but it doesn't fit everything. Which is true.

Please do not compare me to the Chuuya Hate Page as what she does is entirely different and my saying not everything works with Taylor Swift is so far away from being a bigoted shithead.

I'm not going to say much on the ablism but do know that I am also autistic. I understand where you are coming from but you also have to understand that sometimes special interests can clash. I said what I did because most of the "this Taylor Swift song fits them so well!!" is full of mischaracterization and it pisses me off because bsd is my special interest.

So, I'm not telling anyone specifically to stop doing what makes them happy, I made a very short post where I didn't even say anyone was doing anything bad. I said Taylor Swift doesn't need to be for everything.

Having said all that I do appreciate that you took the time to explain why exactly that post upset you and that's valid, however I am allowed to post whatever takes I want and you don't have to agree with me.

-E

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

I really don't want to seem like a terrible person and I'm still trying to better understand the topic, but I want to talk about my situation with Entrapta. When I was watching She-ra, I didn't know that she was autistic. I didn't know much about autism at all. And I was genuinely annoyed that Entrapta was behaving quite childishly, that she had so easily switched to the side of evil, and so on. I had no idea why she was doing this. Only after understanding the issue a little, I was able to justify for myself many of her actions, and I felt uncomfortable with the actions of the princesses, although initially I understood their irritation very well. And I think it would be better to She-Ra to show the problem of ignorance about autism by making it so that the princesses did not know about Entrapta's autism, did not know how it affects her, like it was with me. Initially, they would have seen Entrapta as a person who just doesn't care about them, so they also didn't really want to get close to her. But having learned from her that she sincerely wants to be useful to them because she just wants to be friends, but because is difficult for her to understand other people she cannot express the way princesses are used to, they would sincerely apologize and start looking for ways to get closer to Entrapta, realizing that she is different from them, but does not wish harm. And it would definitely be worth removing many of the disgusting moments from the show (such as the moment with the leash) too. Yes, it would probably be quite naive and childish, but the whole She-ra is not mature in general.

Maybe I forgot some moments because I have no desire to rewatch this mess. And I'm sure that ideally it would be better to show an initially normal and adequate attitude to Entrapta, but I just wanted to tell about the situation from a slightly different angle.

And I'm very sorry if I made any mistakes in understanding autism and said something wrong, I just recently started to understand this topic and still may not fully understand

don't worry, you're not a terrible person! it's already a good thing that you're willing to learn more about autism and correct yourself if necessary, not many people do that! and i get your point, i think it's natural for a lot of allistic people to get irritated at autistic people, because they don't know much about autism.

if the princesses were just kinda rude to entrapta, i wouldn't think much of it. but putting someone on a leash and dragging them around is a horrible thing to do to anyone, regardless of how annoying they are. there were a lot of other annoying characters in the show (like seahawk) who wasn't treated the same way entrapta was. it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

and yes, it would have definitely been a better choice to let the princesses realize their mistakes and try to be better friends to entrapta. but then again, spop sucks at writing good character development and healthy relationships. sure, mermista is kinda nice to entrapta in the end but that's only because entrapta proved to be useful, not because they like her for who she is.

this show is really not as progressive as it claims, and you'll start to see the cracks once you watch it with a more critical eye.

#spop critical #spop #spop salt #spop discourse #spop criticism #she ra #she ra criticism #she ra critical #she ra discourse

[rainbowsky]

Ok I am the turtle who asked about the breakup cpn, with the kadien and things. I have been told that is rude and hurtful and im sorry Mr Rbs, I do not want to cause you stress. I follow cuz I am autistic and I like that you are too but autistics still rub each others fur the wrong way sometimes just like anybody so im sorry if I did that. Have a great day and stay healthy and may YiZhan stay happily married and one day get to safely come out if they want!

...

I don't even know what to say to this.

Who told you that it was 'rude' and 'hurtful'? It certainly wasn't me. I don't have a problem with people asking me honest questions that are in good faith. I answer all kinds of asks, regardless of my reaction to them.

I'm sure whoever said that to you meant well, but I don't want anyone putting words in my mouth. Whatever they said to you, that was their own perspective.

As for your ask, it actually did annoy me a bit, but not because there was anything rude or hurtful about it. I was annoyed because it contained things that are long-standing sources of annoyance for me (which isn't your fault).

First of all, you said "I know you don't believe kadian" which - honestly I've heard people say this before and I find it frustrating. I literally have a whole post that is prominently placed on my masterlist post, where I state pretty clearly that kadian is real. So when people say things like this it feels like they aren't paying any attention and are just making assumptions about me, or else they have poor reading comprehension.

I'm going to be really clear about this:

Being skeptical is not the same thing as being dismissive.

I am skeptical about a lot of candy and CPN, but that doesn't mean I don't buy candy and CPN. It just means that the candy and CPN I do buy is stuff I genuinely believe in - not because it's cute or makes me feel good (nothing wrong with that, but it's not what gets me excited), but rather because I've evaluated it and I feel (based on my own criteria) that it's well substantiated and real.

Contrary to another popular myth about me that also frustrates me (the ridiculous idea that I don't buy CPN and candy) - a huge percentage of my blog is devoted to CPN and candy, and in fact I think CPN and candy are pretty critical to turtledom.

I say this all the time and I hope it will sink in: it's never wise to paint with too broad a brush. Nuance, people. Not everything is black and white. Most things are grey. Just because I seem like a doubter on a lot of things, doesn't mean I don't have my own CPN, and doesn't mean I don't hold a lot of candy close to my heart, much of which I think is important and unwashable.

It seems like some people see a personality trait in someone and then try to extrapolate it across everything about them. Not only is it inaccurate, frankly it betrays a certain level of intellectual laziness. "Oh, here's the funny guy, everything's a joke to him." "Oh, here's the serious guy, he has no sense of humor." "Oh, here's the cutesy girl, she won't like this scary movie."

People are complex and often contradictory creatures. We shouldn't assume we have a read on someone just because we've picked up on a few of their character traits.

As for kadian - in my post about kadian I went to some pains to show that kadian is real, so I don't get why there's anyone out there who would think I don't 'believe' in it. In reality I think people who don't 'believe' in kadian as a concept are uninformed and out of touch. 'Not believing' in kadian would be like 'not believing' in slang acronyms like LOL and OMG.

Back to that 'broad brush' thing I just said - just because kadian is real, that doesn't mean a particular perceived kadian is real and intentionally placed. These things have to be examined in context in order to be properly evaluated.

You can refer back to my kadian post for all that.

On to the other, bigger reason your ask frustrated me.

Just Say No To The Turtle Binary

Your ask was about a 'kadian' you thought you saw in DD's post about being sick, and you felt it was evidence of a breakup.

Without realizing it, you stepped into something that bugs me about the fandom.

If you've been following me for any amount of time at all, you will know that one of my absolute pet peeves in this fandom is when turtles take everything GG and DD say or do as being deeply significant to their relationship. As I've said before -

👉🏻 almost nothing from or about GG or DD will actually be a candy. 👈🏻

I think the key to respecting and honoring their humanity is to love them as individuals first and foremost, and as a couple second. When we fixate entirely on their relationship we end up accidentally dehumanizing them and failing to recognize, respect and celebrate their individual achievements.

There are a lot of turtles in this fandom who take every single thing GG and DD do as either proof they are together, or else proof they are not together. And frankly, that doesn't make any rational sense.

If you've ever been in a long term relationship - or a relationship of any kind, whether family or friends - you should already know that almost nothing in our daily lives is about that relationship. Our day-to-day lives tend to revolve around work, school, hobbies and interests, other social interests and obligations. Almost nothing we do in our day to day lives is about any one particular relationship.

Just look at my own blog here. How often do I mention my partner? Almost never. But we've been married for years, and he's the most important person in my life. Why don't I mention him more? Because my life doesn't revolve around him.

GG and DD are no different. They are real, non-fictional human beings with busy lives and successful careers, and they have a ton of obligations and focuses and pursuits in their daily lives. Almost none of it is about each other. Why, then, would people be so ready to think that every post, every gesture, every clothing option, every decision, every goal is about each other?

Not only is that absurd just on the face of it, it's also absurd when you consider that the vast majority of things that ARE related to their relationship will never be made public for you and I to see.

Their lives are almost entirely focused on their careers. They work hard, they have packed schedules. They no doubt spend a lot of time connected to each other behind the scenes, via texts, video chat, etc. but most of their time will be taken up with their work, and with meetings and discussions with various handlers and brands and management and other career-related contacts.

It's going to be rare for us to catch a glimpse of something related to each other, because such things are going to be rare in their daily lives and in most cases shared privately.

So I am deeply dismayed when DD can't even call in sick without people assuming a break-up. It's not right. My god, let the man be sick for a day.

When it comes to kadian we need to remember that the context is actually more important than the numbers. What is the likelihood that any particular message is about something to do with their relationship? What is the likelihood that something important is going to be discussed or disclosed in that particular venue or format? What is the likelihood that GG and DD are going to send out key messages about their personal and private relationship in the timing of a Head and Shoulders ad?

DD is in the middle of promoting his new film, which - at the time - was just days away from being released. Can you honestly believe for one hot second that he's going to pick that time - of all the times in the world - to dicker around with cryptic, deeply consequential messages about his relationship? Consider his priorities, here. Consider the context and venue.

And have some empathy for the sick guy who was just trying to quell rumors that were flying about him.

When we evaluate anything they are saying or doing, we should be kind and empathetic about it, and on their side.

There were a lot of anti messages going around when he called in sick that day. People had all sorts of nasty theories about why he called in sick, including a theory that he was trying to generate sympathy to boost ticket sales.

Imagine that. Imagine if calling in sick to work made that big of an impact on your life and reputation? NO PRESSURE.

Like, woah. No wonder the guy never takes any time off anymore. No wonder he pushes through when he's got a sprained ankle or is practically falling over from exhaustion. The man can't take a day off without all hell breaking loose.

I expect that kind of thing from antis, but not from turtles. It's very disappointing.

A final note:

Another important thing I want people to fully understand and accept:

My failure to answer an ask is no commentary whatsoever on what I thought about that ask or about that person.

Anyone who has been following me for any amount of time at all should know that. I answer as many asks that annoy me as I do ones that make me laugh, smile or reflect.

In reality, if I don't answer your ask it's 99.9% of the time for one of these reasons:

I don't have time - I've been incredibly busy lately and have had very little time on Tumblr. Most of that time is spent scrambling to keep up with the content GG and DD and turtles have been releasing/discussing. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that this is pretty much always the reason I haven't answered an ask.

It's something I have already thoroughly covered, which can be found easily by doing even the barest search of my blog or browsing through my masterlist post. Given how little time I have for Tumblr, I'm not likely to spend much of it repeating myself.

It's a complicated question that will take a lot of time to answer, so the question ended up in my drafts folder as I pick away at it over weeks and months. My drafts folder is almost as backlogged as my inbox.

IT WAS NOT A QUESTION. I get quite a few of these. I've said this many times - my inbox is for questions.

Of course, anti BS, hate asks, etc. don't see the light of day, either, but that goes without saying.

If you've asked a question in good faith and it's not been answered, it's for one of the top 3 reasons on the list.

So, Anon, I found your ask frustrating, but I didn't find it 'rude' or 'hurtful'. And even though I found it frustrating, I didn't hold it against you because I know that approach is common among turtles. It's just a fairly standard part of the fandom that - while frustrating - I've more or less accepted as 'the way things are'.

So, no hard feelings. You didn't do anything wrong AFAIAC. I think you might want to do a bit more critical thinking than seems evident based on what you sent me, but you weren't rude or hurtful.

And to be clear, Anon: most of what I'm saying in this post isn't aimed at you. Like I said, I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about a couple of things, and you were unfortunate enough to accidentally stumble across it. I definitely don't hold anything against you.

#fandom reflections #bxg perspectives #kadian #ask

[arcadekitten]

sorry if this question upsets you because you've answered it a lot, but is mary a child/teen on Blackout Hospital? i supposed she was young because of the game console thing and her naiveness, though its part of her personality i feel like she's a minor in this game

No. Mary is not a child. Mary is not a teenager. Mary is not a minor. Mary is an adult woman.

I don't mean to sound harsh, or mean, or cruel, but I am quite frankly sick of getting this question and people's inability to see Mary as an adult. I don't think you are trying to "bait" me into getting worked up or something, but because this happens often enough, I need to say something about it.

Mary's appearance should not be an excuse as to why people see her as a child. She's essentially the same height as Twyla in Cemetery Mary, but not one person has ever came to me saying they suspected Twyla of being a teenager? Or a child? Or a minor? Is that not weird, when they look so similar?

In Blackout Hospital, Mary is shown to be around the same stature as other adult characters. Yes, she is a short person. A petite person! But there's plenty of adults who are petite too--do you call anyone you see under 5'5" a child?

(Images presented for comparison)

I think some people also conceive the notion in their heads that Mary is younger due to having a flatter chest than some of her other female/feminine peers. I, however, find this to be pretty ridiculous for a few reasons.

One, is because it is completely natural for people to have different body types. There are teenagers who have big chests. There are adult women who have small or even flat chests.

Two, because as I have openly stated in the past--Mary is designed with the potential to be interpreted as a cis or trans girl. If one were to read Mary as being a transgirl, it would also make sense for her to not have much of a chest.

I think using Mary's personality as a reason to read her as young is...well, in the most polite way I can possibly say this...I think it's bullshit. Because I notice this trend happen across hundreds of characters and now it's happening with mine.

Characters who are mean are perceived as older, more mature. Characters who are nice are perceived as stupid, and younger. Twyla and Mary are around the same height and have nearly identical figures, but because Twyla is mean no one spares her a second glance and because Mary is nice everyone accuses her of being a child. (Even with characters who aren't Mary this happens. Dr. D. Light is often portrayed as stupid or gullible or idiotic when he's...literally a certified doctor? He isn't stupid--he's just nice.) Similarly, it's interesting to me how when Reginald doesn't understand a piece of technology he's often viewed as older, but when Mary doesn't, she's viewed as younger? Why is that?

And, because this has recently been confirmed as part of Mary's canon, I ESPECIALLY do not like Mary being accused of being a child/minor when Mary is autistic.

The infantilization of autistic adults is a real issue, and there's plenty of articles and conversations on the topic. I don't necessarily want to start a whole new conversation about that here, but I will say that because of it, it really does rub me quite the wrong way when people accuse Mary's personality or mentality as being that of a child. I often wonder how many traits Mary displays that people see as "being that of a child" when they're really just "traits associated with autism".

But I think a big flaming gun in this whole argument is that no one in these universes where Mary exists treats her like a child or a teenager. When Mary meets Twyla in Cemetery Mary she describes her as looking college-aged AND also around her age. No one brings up any objection as to why Mary would be allowed in a bar that serves alcohol. No one ever brings up the idea of Mary currently being enrolled in a highschool(Except in a game like Here For Sweethearts, where she is a highschooler just like EVERYONE ELSE). No one brings up an age difference when it seems like Mary and Reginald could be romantically involved in CM. Twyla accuses Mary multiple times of dating Reginald in CM without mentioning any difference they could have in age or why it would be inappropriate if they were dating. When *slight Blackout Hospital spoilers, I'm sorry!* Hyllindrix sees Mary wearing a wedding ring, he asks her if she is married without any sort of mention that she would be a child bride or something similar. Reginald has line in Blackout Hospital where he refers to her as being a woman. Vasilis, a clearly established adult with a job, says things to Mary like "These have been around since WE were kids".

And part of the reason receiving asks or comments like these makes me so mad is because it always feels like you guys are trying to accuse me of something. Like you are covertly trying to catch me in a "gotcha!" moment where I'll admit Mary isn't actually an adult or something, so you can frame the relationships Mary has with other people as being something predatory and gross and "expose" me as someone who is okay with that kind of content. And that makes me really sad to be viewed as someone who would portray that kind of stuff as OK in my work.

Mary Anta is an adult woman. I have never treated her like she is not. None of her in-universe friends have treated her like she is not. And I think that is what I want people to take away from this. If YOU view Mary as a child, a teenager, a minor, when she clearly is not then that is on YOU. I am not the one infantilizing Mary. You are.

#mary #mary anta #what do i tag this as? a rant? important? #i just hope I can staple it to my head the next time someone accuses Mary of being a minor #the implications there are always gross and unappreciated #and i promise you there are plenty of real life young adults who look and/or act like mary #doesn't make them children either #ask #reply #important #rant

[queer-advice-hotline]

Hi 😅 I hope this is okay to ask, I’ll try to be brief but will probably fail at that. Basically I’ve been raised in a Christian household, very conservative too. But I met a far more liberal Christian friend and over time .. sort of am to the point I think I might be left-leaning too (definitely more than my family). This scares me. I don’t want to disappoint my family by being liberal …

She also recently talked to me about evolution which I was never taught about, the most I learned was reading a single textbook that talked about it around college. And … it all makes sense. I even went to the religious science site my dad says proves evolution is false and I can’t find any actual proof evolution is false. Everything is evidence to the contrary and .. I’ve listened to videos about experiments where cells clump together and start getting more complex and it’s honestly so exciting? That’s so cool? But … I can’t help but think of how disappointed my family will be about this, too …

But the worst part .. I’ve been holding off on looking into LGBT stuff because I don’t know what I’ll find. I’ve never had a crush on an actual guy (I’m a girl), even though easily over 20 guys have expressed interest in the past, some just said I was hot and kind of asked me out, others expressed wanting to marry me. I’ve never dated, ever. I only like fictional characters really, and the only strong connection has been literally 12 years of loving a character. My affection for him went into full force when I empathized with him, but I’m also autistic and he’s my special interest, so idk how that factors into it. Some of my friends say I’m demi, but I’ve insisted I’m straight and I’m just picky. I don’t know if I am. I also … have met or been friends with three girls over the years, or presumably girls, that I know I wanted to spend time with or get to know, I’d be nervous around (but I also have anxiety ..) or still think about sometimes. But I don’t think I’d want to have sex with a girl … idk, it’s really confusing because my mom always told me people think they’re LGBT because of wounds, and I definitely have been wounded in the past. But I also … I just don’t feel attracted to most people … but I also can find any person attractive or pretty? I just don’t necessarily want to do anything with them? Like recently I saw a video game character who I felt very Eh about, like he’s pretty I guess, until I learned he has trauma and now he seems more appealing because I empathize with him.

But … I don’t know what to do. My faith is extremely important to me and I know I have to have some sort of spirituality no matter what. But I just … I just can’t be LGBT. It’ll destroy my family and I might not have a place to live if I decide I am. Especially if I got a partner like that. I don’t know … I know I’m already such a disappointment for disagreeing politically and .. probably believing in evolution, and now I need to look into LGBT stuff because I need to know if what I’ve been taught is wrong, but I’m so, so, so scared. I can’t … be this. I just can’t. I don’t know if I am.

I’m sorry, this was kind of a vent and I’m sorry if any language is poorly-worded. I’m living in a constant state of anxiety right now so I am probably saying things wrong and I apologize. I just don’t know what to do. If you read this, thank you - and I hope you have a good day.

I think coming to terms with your identity may help you, even if you don't tell anyone. Your family doesn't have to know until you're ready to tell them, or they never even have to know at all.

It's important to remember that you don't need to rush into anything either. This is a pretty big change from what you described as your lifestyle, so it makes sense that you are having a lot of feelings of anxiety over this. Rushing into a new identity won't help you, especially if you aren't ready for it.

As for you religion, you can be religious and lgbtq, there are plenty of quuer people who are religious, and talking with some of hem might help you. They could give you advice on your family and you identity. Any religious quuer people feel free to reply to this with advice.

#queer advice hotline #1-800-queer #advice calls #sexuality calls #romantic orientation calls #long distance calls #queer #religion

[anti-endo-safe-space]

Tw mentions of ramcoa and programming (denial, beta, silencing, epsilon, scramble). Self fakeclaiming as well. It’s a really big vent sorry-

I’m tired of being a system sometimes.

I’m tired of having to say “I’m fine” and act fine when someone else is Upset and you can actively hear them being Upset.

I’m tired of saying that everything is fine even though it’s not.

I’m tired of having to say that I’m fine even thing I’m desperate to have the one person that knows me for me to tell me that I’m okay and to help me rework out that I’m not fake, I’m not faking having DID, I’m not faking being a RAMCOA survivor all because a program was triggered.

I’m tired of wanting to do something and being triggered by a cue unknown to act like an animal or something inhuman. I hate it and I’m tired when it’s triggered with beta programming. I don’t want to be treated like a prey animal but gods I want to be at the same time and I hate everything and feel so gross when it happens.

I hate wanting to be more feminine to heal from our bodily trauma only to be met with the jokes of “oh, so you want to be catcalled.” NO. I want to be treated like a human being that uses she/her pronouns! “But that’s what it takes to be a woman.” I’M REGRETTING EVEN ASKING TO HAVE HELP HEAL. I know that they’re autistic and I hide how I’m feeling but I don’t want to be reminded of that.

I KNOW I need therapy but I can’t get any because of low income and none around me saying anything about being able to help anyone with a CDD, let alone RAMCOA. And every time I try to talk about it, I’m struggling to speak, I can’t talk for hours on end, there’s a pain in my chest, I want to cry, and I’m so fucking jumbled I can’t even think straight. And who says they’d believe me anyways? The only proof I have is breakdowns!

It’s bad enough that we fakeclaim ourselves constantly when we’re in denial. We can’t ask for help because someone else is Upset or Not Able To Help Right Now. I’m tired of feeling like I’m making everything about me by asking for help and wanting that reassurance. We don’t even know our own triggers and cues so how can we be real?

It just feels like everything is Wrong. Everything is fake. I’m false. I’m making things up. But why does it hurt so much to say that I’m faking? Why?!

I want it all to just end already! It sucks!

I just want the reassurance and I can’t get the person that knows me the most to say anything out of fear…

Sorry for venting, you don’t even have to respond I’m just tired.

(💎❤️)

Hey, it's a long while coming but.

Being a system isn't a fun thing and we are so so so sorry your having to go through that part of being one, that isn't anything we'd wish on anyone.

Your not faking DID or RAMCOA, you went through that and are a system. You wanting to be treated as feminine doesn't mean your asking to be catcalled and anyone who says that's what it takes to be a woman needs to get their heads out of their ass and get help.

Depending on if your in the US, there are therapists here specifically for low-income. They charge at max maybe $5 a session. They have therapists with experience in systems. They can cover you for cheap and well.

Your not making anything up, your real and your suffering and while we won't say it's a good thing your suffering or anything but your not faking.

Hey we're always here, don't worry.

#(💎❤️) anon #anti endo #endos dni #endos aren't real #anti endo supporter #endos fuck off #system #plural system #actually plural #actually system #actually dissociative #plurality #plural #did plurality #osdd plurality #osdd plural #dissociative system #sysblr #syscussion #sysconversation

[cathalbravecog]

if all the cog managers were darkners. what object would they be based on?

gonna get to answering asks today as my inbox has looooooaaaads of them piled up (to me) - starting off with something easy and Very Autistic

honestly, i sometimes forget that darkners are objects in the lightner world in canon. i don't forget *forget*, but i put it in the back of my mind, since in DPAU this idea is changed, and doesn't work exactly as it does in canon.

but, still, it's an interesting idea!

for a lot of managers, i think they even be their drops. but let's think of possible items that could represent them! i'll be going over ONLY the 1.3 managers to save myself some time. if you're curious about anyone else, just ask!!

--------

let's start off with street managers, in order! also, these are color coded just so i personally see them a bit better.

duck shuffler: toy slot machine or just slot machine in general? i'd say duck SOMETHING but he does have a slot machine for his eyes.

deep diver: while she doesn't have one, i think he could be an diving air tank. or, if we go with a simpler approach - just a diving helmet!

gatekeeper: with a simpler approach:tm:, a knight helmet! or a knight toy. (mostly just going with the fact that as far as we currently know, darkners tend to be represented by smaller items that can be picked up easily.)

bellringer: this one's simple - a bell! maybe even a themed one of some sort? i know someone who collects bells from various places, mostly tourist stops. they sometimes come decorated in themes related to the area they were bought in. maybe he's a london based one, since, Big Ben and all. miniature big ben toy, maybe, lol

mouthpiece: an old crank wall phone or a cradle phone! (the type of phone she is! i had to research phones when designing phone-in, her grandkid. i'm no by means an expert and my names could be wrong - but from my old reference pieces here's what those look like because i spent hours on these STILL UNFINISHED reference gathers and i need to show something from them off)

as a bonus, phone-in, aka collin dama, my oc: he'd be a brick phone or a radiophone.

BONUS BONUS, tony trapezoid dama, another oc: they'd be a touch-tone-telephone. (I THINK ITS TIME FOR YOU TO KNOW THE AWFUL TRUTH , THE TRUTH ME AND THE TRUTH ABO - *gets hit in the face with a pie and gets dragged off-stage*)

firestarter: so, growing up in a firefighter family i could probably name some other objects he could maybe be but let's be honest he'd just probably be his firefighter helmet or a firefighter mask but also i fogor anything else because i ams very smarts. or they could be a box of matches.

treekiller: this one's simple as well - he'd be an axe! thought about toy vehicles that destroy trees - but it'd make less sense for him especially seeing as he does have a literal axe on his head. do you guys think spruce would be a trucker type guy in his free time

featherbedder: i think they'd be either a pillow (with an owl print?), or a soft owl plushie! something cuddly you'd keep on your bed and just snzzzznznz....

and now the kudos managers!

prethinker: even out of character i will be frostbite-type mean to brian because it's funny so he'd be one of those fuckass display brains in a jar :sob:. ok in all seriousness either something like that or maybe the smart cap he drops!

bonus, bright spark, another oc of mine's: since she's his sister she gets a mention. she'd just be a lightbulb since she literally is one

rainmaker: little tricky since you can't just have a Cloud - but a plushie one (i own a cloud shaped pillow irl) could work! maybe an umbrella...? trying to give alternative options since "plushie of:" is really easy to do. (works best for animals tho)

witch hunter: he's the mgr i know the least about(im sorry prester fans) so this one's a bit hard for me. a toy cauldron since his mouth is supposed to be one? maybe a stake or a pitchfork? or an unlit torch. or a lit one if you're fancy some arson!

multislacker: the cathal! quite easy - a crt television !! even with my url i cannot think of anything else. he is a crt tv and that's that. they have other design elements i could gush about but sadly, i have no other ideas. i just remembered my old crt that i didnt even use is like in the basement . i am so sorry cathal we'll get you outta there one day

major player: ohh, this is another one i think of when i say they could just be their drops (dave's rose) - but he could also be a cymbal like his hat or just a keyboard. i'd say a piano but pianos are fucking massive. maybe a vinyl disc of rick astley's never gonna give you up

plutocrat: hmm, from just what he wears , a monocle or a cigar. maybe a model of pluto (the dwarf planet). a laundered stash of cash, i dunno! cosmo's a fun character but i cannot think of anything else he would be.

chainsaw consultant: well, he's a chainsaw isn't he? his hat could also work!

pacesetter: oh graham would absolutely be his shredder guitar. no questions asked. maybe his shades? perhaps some other sports equipment - but it doesn't scream "him" as much as the other things. i can't make deeper gram pacer test jokes do i look like i'm american to you all i know r the memes

extra bonus for the crawler, aka crowley cents, another oc: he's based on the centipede family scolopendridae - giant centipedes that people call nightmarous monsters but i love very dearly they are cutie pies thanks for coming to my ted talk!! he'd be a model of one. can't pin point a specific one, he's based on several ones very loosely + has inspo from centiscorch.

...aaaand that's it! i'd go into some others but this is long enough now :p

#[answered] #mgrs

[asexual-society]

Hi! I'm autistic, I'm not interested in sex because I'm tactile defensiveness. (I feel really uncomfortable being touched during interactions, including sex. I'm very anxious because we live in a society which is based on sex.) Sex is everywhere : in magazines, movies, songs, people often talk about it... People say to me "You're weird to not like sex, everybody likes sex!". How could I accept me as I am ?

Hey anon, I'm on my ~Sorry This Has Been Collecting Dust In Our Inbox~ rounds, so sorry about that.

It can be so hard accepting sex repulsion or aversion in our society, and it's not a linear path. I think it helps to know you're not alone though, even if it feels like it a lot of the time. Making friends with people who feel the same way is really valuable, because even if you're having a shitty day and feeling bad about *gestures vaguely* everything, and especially your aversion, you can vent to people who get it and won't try and change your mind or talk you into it.

To be honest, I tend to tune out most oversexualised media these days, it just doesn't register to me, but I still find myself wondering if there is any way to be chill enough with touch and vulnerability that I could have sex if I wanted to. Which really sucks, and I'm fully secure in my asexuality, and I have people who understand and feel the same, and yet the things that get to you still get to me (and I'm aro so I get the double-whammy of all this but with romance too). It is easier to tell that shitty part of my brain to fuck off these days though.

If you can surround yourself with people who don't disrespect your feelings that's a good step. So is finding media that isn't about/doesn't involve sex. You gotta curate your own experience, don't just let The Algorithm tell you what the world is like, sex isn't the only thing in the world, so if you're being told it is, you just need to find a space where you're not. Easier said than done, sure, but sometimes self acceptance is easier to come by from the outside, hearing that there's nothing wrong with you from someone else might stick more than telling yourself.

So! There's nothing wrong with you anon. Sex is boring and honestly not that great most of the time, and even when it is good, it's not the only good thing in the world, and anyone who thinks it's the best thing ever clearly doesn't have many hobbies. You're not weird for not liking sex- it's not the most usual thing, obviously, but it's just like not liking coffee, or chicken nuggets, or dogs, or like. idk taylor swift? i feel like she's up to a lot at the moment,, anyway- some people are gonna be shitty about it, but that doesn't make them right.

Sending positive vibes, and hope you're doing okay.

- mod key

#asks #anon #mod key #aphobia #acephobia #sex repulsed #sex averse

[briarpatch-kids]

I’ve seen a lot of your posts about Tay and was wondering how you became one of his online carers, like how you met his parents and him? I guess I’m just curious about what it means to be ‘friends’ with him in the sense that it’s not an equal relationship. I guess I’m not sure how you bond with someone in that scenario, or maybe that isn’t the point? Sorry if this isn’t phrased well, English is my second language. thank you

So first off, Tay's been getting some weird sexual asks again lately, so I'm going to be vague so I don't give a predator instructions on how to groom him. This isn't saying you're a predator, just that I don't want to tell people how to get close to someone vulnerable when stalkers are potentially watching.

Basically I started following his blog a long time ago because he had opinions on autism I hadn't heard before and saw people kept trying to parent him and lecture him in the comments when like... that's not their job. So I started commenting things when he'd fight with his sister about how I argued with my siblings when i was his age too, and it really sucked and it was okay to be upset. You know, normal stuff you tell a 14-15 year old when they hate the world and their parents and anyone who looks at them the wrong way because being 15 is the worst. Eventually he followed my blog and I had to get my shit together ASAP because "oh shit a kid is looking up to me. I better be worth looking up to" (Tay literally made me a better person this way)

That time period was uncomfortable for me for a while because he would have emergencies and I couldn't do anything about it because I had no way of contacting his family and I also didn't want him to think it was safe to DM adults on Tumblr because there are a LOT of creeps online. Eventually his mom messaged me to say that she needed help and Tay said I was his best friend, I seemed like i was a good responsible adult, and could she have my email so we can discuss this further? I told her about my physical limitations and that I might need to step back if I can't handle it, but that I'm already online frequently because of them so I'd be happy to help her when I can. (And how it was a huge relief to be able to contact someone when he asked or needed me to) We email and update each other on our lives and I consider her a friend of mine, at the very least a fond penpal. We have very different lives, she's an educated and very dedicated housewife with two autistic kids and I'm a transgender crippled college dropout who contemplates stealing feral ducks from the local pond, but at the core we want the same things and get along really well because of it.

My role with helping Tay is answering more complicated questions in a way that doesn't get him doxxed or hurt, telling his mom when he needs help, and just kind of being there when he needs a friend. What I get out of the relationship is the same things I get out of my other friendships, I get to watch him grow into an amazing person and be there along the way.

When we chat, I always make sure to give him the Tay safe version of things, but if he knows I'm having a bad day he'll try to help me feel better and it's really sweet. The other day, I forgot to hide some petty internet drama from him, so he told me that they were a bad person for making me upset and I shouldn't listen to them. (Which helped get me out of the drama loop yay!) So, while I have to take a lot of care and thought to making sure he's supported and safe and gets the version of events that are appropriate for him, it's not a one sided friendship where I'm only hanging out with him because I have to or something. We were friends before I was a helper because I think he's a good friend.

He's a cool guy who likes to hunt for mushrooms in his yard and hear about nature and how stuff like spinning wool works. I end up taking a lot of photos of stuff throughout the week to show him because he loves hearing about flowers at the farmers market or how I saw a cat in a baby carriage at the pond.

#tay dont look

[transwitchofthewilds]

I decided to do several of these despite not being asked them for the character prior because I am a clown.

So, here's some of these for Morrigan.

TW: Child abuse and transphobia.

🏳️‍🌈 A sexuality headcanon? - She's obviously a lesbian--I mean, she's a man-hating forest witch. Morrigan's also very aroace spec I think. I can see her being demiromantic and greyace.

🏳️‍⚧️ A gender headcanon? - Morrigan's a transgirl sorry not sorry. Part of this comes from the fact Oghren makes a transphobic comment to her in banter, saying, "How do we know you're actually a woman?".

I think it's also part of the reason why Flemeth's so obsessed with her; despite having another daughter who was alive at the same time for a bit (Yavana), Flemeth seemed to focus more on Morrigan. [Personally, I think Flemeth pays more attention Morrigan because that's her first trans kid--even if the attention is negative.]

Even if Flemeth had no problem with trans people, she still would tease young Morrigan about it; "Oh, what's wrong? You feel uncomfortable in your own body, little one?"

Morrigan can shapeshift to a certain extent to look more feminine, but not completely.

🧸 A headcanon about their childhood? - Morrigan was never allowed to have a single toy as a child. Flemeth would purposely take Morrigan to nearby markets and show her different toys and say, "Oh, this looks cool! Too bad you'll never have it." And when little Morrigan got fed up and stole toys, Flemeth would always find out and break them right in front of Morrigan.

👻 A headcanon about what scares them? - Despite her trying to say she prefers to be by herself, Morrigan's afraid of being alone and being abandoned. Morrigan's got pretty bad separation anxiety and will go into a full-blown panic attack if she gets separated from the rest of the group.

🎶 A headcanon about music? - No matter how many times she tries to deny it, Morrigan absolutely adores Leliana's singing. When Leliana breaks out into musical number in the middle of camp, Morrigan rolls her eyes, but on the inside, she's listening contently.

👽 A headcanon about a weird quirk of theirs? - Not a headcanon, but her quirk is the way she speaks, using terms like 'tis' and 'twas'.

💤 A headcanon about their sleep? - Morrigan has trouble getting sleep; on average, she only gets about two hours a sleep each night. Every night, Morrigan has nightmares about Flemeth and her actions--this even continued through the events of Inquisition.

🦾 A disability headcanon? - Firstly, Morrigan's autistic. She said she used to watch animals and copy their mannerisms and she basically does the same with people too. Morrigan has a hard time understanding social cues/etiquette.

Secondly, with less backing and more of a just why not headcanon, Morrigan's got a prosthetic leg--she lost her leg due to shit Flemeth pulled; though, Morrigan tries to keep it hidden from other people.

💝 A headcanon about their love language? - She'd be the kind of person to give precious little gifts here and there and then claim, "Oh, I just did it out of pity. I don't actually like you."

At one point, Morrigan got gifts for everyone in camp and left them outside of people's tents as surprises--she let everyone think the Warden did it.

��� An angsty headcanon? - Morrigan refuses to tell anyone when she's sick or hurt. She just always acts like she's fine 100% of the time--this leads to her sicknesses and injuries getting worse.

🪢 A headcanon about their family? - When Morrigan was a child, she wished she had an older brother. Later, upon meeting Alistair, she decided to tease him as she would a brother, but he didn't take the jokes very well.

📓 A headcanon about their hobbies? - Morrigan likes to write poetry and paint in her free time as a way of coping with emotions, though she'd rather not want anyone to know she does those things or that even has emotions.

👗 A headcanon about their clothes? - Morrigan doesn't like changing to new clothes because the texture of the clothes she does have is a safe texture (along with the autism headcanon above).

🎭 A headcanon about what they lie about? - Morrigan will tell people basic details about what Flemeth did to her during her childhood, but she won't go into detail about it; she likes to lie and say what she suffered through wasn't as bad as it was.

💄 An appearance headcanon? - Morrigan's face and body are covered in burns and scars from Flemeth's actions, but she just typically hides them by shapeshifting.

🖕 A headcanon relating to anger? - When she was still living with Flemeth, Morrigan's gotten angry enough to punch a hole in the wall and she broke her hand.

😺 An animal related headcanon? - Morrigan used to play with a stray dog who hung out around near the hut when she was a child, but then Flemeth killed it--because of this experience, Morrigan seems to have a negative attitude towards dogs.

😶 A random headcanon? - (I don't know where this came from, but it just settled in my mind and now it's part of my canon.) Morrigan suffers from epilepsy and Flemeth's laughed at her seizures before.

#jaeson.txt #tw transphobia #tw child abuse #trans morrigan #autistic morrigan

[gayday]

Alright, there's a trolley about to run over 3 people tied to the tracks but you can switch a lever to make the trolley move to a different track where there is one person tied. Tell me how you and your OCs would answer this and why

Me personally? theoretically id switch it, but cuz yknow i donttt do well under pressure and the best i could do is panic :3 realistically I'd likely just freeze & do nothig id be like HOW DO I WOPRK A TRAIN LEVER THING WHAT IF I BREAK IT mods help hep DDDD: dont get tied to train tracks near me you will be dying

oc time!

Trevor: I'd switch it? Duh (in head: how heavy is a trainn lever omg how much time do i have whgat is the situation who r these ppl who tied them there what am i douing there what if i get blamed for tying them up and arrested?? why are they tied unevenly to the tracks like why not put them all on one track... what kind of hypothetical hell have i been placed in.)

Alistair: Fuck it, I'm not moving it, not my problem. (in his head hes going like ':((( but i dont want 2 hurt anyone' cuz hes basically incapable of being sincere out loud lol)

Kenny: XD id kill them all >:3c mwahahahaha

David: (Goes on long long autistic monologue about the trolley problem and ethics in general, never addresses the question and forgets what he was talking about by the end)

Jasper: (Tries to make a case but just ends up a stammering mess and panics cuz he doesn't wanna be wrong, says sorry like 50 times)

Teo: Are you like a cop or what? Go away, weirdo.

Ashley: Ahhh so scary I don't wanna be groceryies!!! (she is thinking of this kind of trolley)

Lena: SCAREY, WOULD NOT GO NEAR IT, SORRY UR DYING !!! (has a phobia of large machinery)

Zhen: Of course I'd switch it, I'm a monster not a monster. (lying, he thinks it would be kinda fun and cool to watch the 3 people get run over)

Yasha: *Heard the word trolley and got so hard he got nauseous* I think I hauve covid

Felix: Switch it, I don't really have that guilt anymore I've seen way too many people die, but obviously less people dying is good (Lie, he would go home and cry no matter what he chose)

Ethan: Can I jump in front of the trolley too? I don't think I'd stop it but thats a cool way to die.

Ori: But... but... not... real? No trolley... no understand and... no want kill...

Killian: (visibly high) ...what?

Destery: I think I'd just turn the lever back and forth as fast as I could, and like whatever happens happens

Kye: ... yea I don't think I can do anything about this situation (Has 0 working arms)

Dalton: I uh... how would I know... which way is the right one... (Is blind)

#longpost #long post #SORRY GOT CARRIED AWAY

[drunkengodsofslaughter]

This is going to be a long ask I'm sorry in advance.

I guess my major problem with shipping in general is I always ship people that have chemistry in canon and I always make sure ships make sense for the characters in that relationship. Like I know fandom is all about headcanon and alternative universes and it's definitely a me problem that I probably don't have the imagination when it comes to fanon ships like Steddie or Ronance.

Ronance for example just doesn't make sense to me because of what you mentioned, people entirely dismiss Robins feelings and when they talk about Ronance it's about how this ship mostly benefits Nancy. Nancy isn't even queer, I know people headcanon her as bi and if lesbians or queer people identify with her that's amazing but Nancy always gave me homophobic vibes. In the show Nancy is a very judgy person, who sometimes says and does hurtful things but the show never truly adresses her faults so she gives me this weird vibe. The way she talked to Robin also makes me believe she would have problems with her autistic traits, again the way she looked (eye rolling, visibly annoyed) and talked to Robin was just not it. And once again she doesn't apologize for it later, like how she never apologized for cheating on Steve. However, all the characters seem to like her sm she can't do wrong, but as an audience member Nancy kinda frustrats me and I personally want someone better for my girl Robin. Robin is clearly enamored with Vickie, in fact Vickie made her feel normal about her own rambling, which she describes to Nancy as flaws because she felt so judged by her. But this gets largely ignored by the fandom as unfortunately Vickie has not enough screentime, however if she were a dude and we would talk about a gay relationship you bet the fandom would come up with thousands of headcanons for her.

The timing is also off because Nancy hasn't been single since she was like 15, she literally dumped Steve (not clearly) and moved on to Jonathan in two days, and now she seems to be unsure again and makes eyes at Steve. Nancy doesn't know what she wants, she needs to be single and figure out who she is before she keeps hurting people. Being thrown into another relationship, this time a queer one, which she didn't show any signs before would put additional struggle on her self discovery. Like she obviously can explore her sexuality, but she has to deal with her own shit before she can be a good girlfriend to anyone. Like someone made this brilliant analysis how Robin is the first girl friend she was open with after Barb, how probably lonely she is and longs for a friend but then bam they make this post into a shipping one and I'm like please listen to yourself.

I think a lot of Ronance manifesting also comes from the actress pushing for it and idk it got to a point where it's kinda queerbaity with how she phrased Robin is an option for Nancy even though in the canon show Nancy never showed romantic feelings for girls. (On the same note it's kinda queerbaity of the actor of Tommy to come out after years yeah Tommy was gay for Steve even though in the show we never saw that play out. Kinda think he said that to be relevant and bc again every white dude that breathes at Steve is gay)

As for Steddie, well that's like so personal to me because Steve is my favorite. I always watch shows, where I have a comfort character, imagining myself as a character so in reality I basically ship nobody with Steve because I gotta put me first lmao. However my point still stands the fandom wouldn't go this crazy if Eddie wasn't played by Joe Q. If he was played by Eduardo there would be way less discourse about it. Also again in canon Steve was uncomfortable by Eddie invading his personal space and he's so hung up on Nancy (also extremely anti Stancy on my part it honestly ruined s4 for me) he didn't even care that much about Eddie's death.

And again most of the headcanons suck because people mischaracterizes both Eddie and Steve. Like first of all people make out that Steve is in a toxic relationship with Billy before Eddie scoops in or they make him or Eddie the toxic one. Like it's all over the top, especially because people are so obsessed with the whole sub/dom dynamic in that ship. Making Steve some inexperienced loser who never smoked weed for example even tho he was the first character in canon who admitted to smoking in s3, plus he was literally underage drinking in s1. Idk in general people just don't really give a fuck about getting the characters right.

I can see Steve as bi like there are little moments in the show (more than for Nancy) but Steddie still doesn't make sense to simply because Steve looked so disgusted when Eddie was near him. I too wish they would have explored Steve's feelings about how Dustin seemed to replace him with someone better but unfortunately the writers decided to put their focus on a dead relationship and make Steve soley into Nancy's love interest again. (Can you tell I'm still bitter about it?)

It's just frustrating being in the fandom because everyone shoves those ships down your throat, you can't go on tiktok because every tiktok about Steve slowly turns into a Steddie theory and I can't listen to it anymore. I already blocked the respective tags on twitter or tumblr but still. I wish I could be on board with it because it wouldn't annoy me every day and I would love some peace.

Before I joined the fandom for me Stranger Things was always about friendship but now there is a shipping war for every character in that show.

It’s all good I love asks! And I love discussing things. Honestly I love the way you view shipping and seeing if it makes sense for the characters. Honestly it’s all good with not having imagination with fanon ships. I honestly only came up with one at one point and then others I just see floating around and I’m either like ‘cool or nah I don’t vibe with that’ lol.

Honestly yeah I get what you’re saying about Nancy and those vibes that she gives off. Ngl I don’t think a lot about character’s sexualities if it isn’t clearly stated in canon so whenever I saw headcanons about Nancy I was like ‘okay cool’ and then kind of moved on lol. And also everything you said about Nancy. Like I never used to see her interactions with Robin as being bad but then I saw other people stating that they didn’t like the way Nancy reacted Robin. And I can totally see why people believe that way. And why it came off as weird interactions cuz now it comes off to me that way too. Also I agree about Nancy sometimes frustrating you cuz sometimes I can get that way too. But I also think all the main characters in st have moments where you get frustrated at them so I don’t like to be too nit picky about them ya know?

Okay everything you said about Vickie making Robin feel comfortable about her rambling. Like they’re both able to ease each other about their rambling and it just goes to show how complimentary they are. Like Robin also validated Vickie’s feelings about rambling. And Robin listened to vickie too when vickie was rambling. So Robin can ramble but she can also listen when other people ramble and give them that comfort too. I agree about that last comment in that paragraph. Cuz you’re sooo right if it was two dudes talking and it was clear that they liked each other in a romantic way people would go nuts.

Yes yes yes I agree about the whole Nancy thing not being single. And about her wanting to be single. Cuz I’m honestly a firm believer that she should end up single. Cuz she’s very goal oriented in her own goals but when it comes to romance she just doesn’t know entirely what she wants. Yeah like I think Nancy going into a queer relationship especially in that period could also drag Robin down too if ronance happened. Like Robin is so sure of who she is now and what she wants in her romance life. And yet Nancy doesn’t. So it would just end up not being a good mentality for Robin. I think I saw that analysis too and I thought the same thing. Like I was soo annoyed about it cuz the friend thing was amazing and then suddenly romance was in there. And it just tainted the whole thing for me.

Honestly yeah I can totally see why your frustrated about the actress and actor. (Honestly the whole thing with Tommy’s actor was weird. Cuz not only did he state that Tommy had some romantic feelings for Steve, he also stated that Tommy would do anything for Steve. Despite canon not showing that in the slightest and instead in the show Tommy drops Steve like a hot potato). Also ngl I think some of the fandom just doesn’t understand that actors have their own headcanons for their characters too. Especially when the main actors have been on for years at this point. Like it’s obvious that they’re going to have headcanons about their characters just like we have headcanons. And they’re going to have wishes just like we do. But ultimately it’s up to the duffer bros and people need to understand that.

Lmao about the Steve part and wanting to put you first about the shipping cuz like that’s valid. Honestly I totally agree with you about if it wouldn’t have been joe Q they probs wouldn’t have gone crazy about it. Yes like Steve was soo uncomfortable with Eddie but he was just being who he was and helping out eddie. And everyone turned that into shipping. Ngl I would have been fine if Steve finally had another guy friend his own age. Anyway yeah I’m also bitter about the whole stancy thing. I legit hate the toxic aspects of Steve and anyone together. Like idk why they even need to put billy and Steve together as exes when Steve legit would have never even got together with billy in the first place. Like it feels sooo unnecessary.

I also don’t understand why they make Steve or Eddie be the toxic one especially when they like the ship soo yeah making one of them be incredibly toxic is weird. Yeah the whole sub/dom thing is sooo weird also. Yep you hit it right about the Steve characterization part and how people don’t care about his characterization at all. Ngl I think Steve is one of the most mischaracterized in fandom out of all the mains. Mainly cuz of shipping but that’s just my opinion so you don’t have to agree lol.

Yeah I totally see Steve as bi too. Like I think there are some good moments in there to have evidence of it. Yep honestly you’re right. Like steddie makes no sense especially cuz they didn’t even like each other. Sure they came together and stuff but also their foundation only seems to me like ‘we could have been friends if the story ended differently and if Eddie didn’t die.’ Ya know? And even if they were friends it would have been a very basic thing to me. Like I don’t see them being besties besties and close like that.

I’m also bitter about the whole stancy thing ngl. Like I get the intentions of trying to bring them back and why they would try to since this is like the first time in a while that they’re in the same place together on screen. And their relationship ended with a lot of baggage. But I wish it could have been less screen time. Especially because a lot of Steve’s emotional scenes were with Nancy and it just bothers me how he couldn’t get one with Dustin or Max or Lucas. Especially because this little group looked soo promising in the promos.

You’re right like the shoving down the the throats of it all is majorly annoying. Especially because sometimes they use it as weapons too. Like if you don’t like the ship then sometimes you can get called homophobic despite that not being the reason you don’t like that ship at all. Yeah I legit blocked the tags too cuz it’s just been sooo annoying. I also filter out these tags whenever looking for fics so I don’t have to see it. That last sentence is everything!!!! Like st has always been about friendship and yet now all you see is discourse about shipping and etc about shipping. And it’s just the worst.

#answered asks #honestly this is long af but I wanted to hit all the point here!

[presidentstalkeyes]

And now, apropos of nothing, another Stalkeyes Headcanon: Pacifica Northwest is autistic.

TBH I'm not sure why I think this beyond simple projection (if anyone reading this didn't know already, I'm sitting on the autistic spectrum like I'm glued to a bench). I think it might be because, pre-character development, she clearly shows a grasp on how to play 'the social game', hence how she's the most popular girl in town (and yes, her family's rich, but money alone won't make you popular), yet when confronted with evidence that her behaviour is bad and her family is worse, she immediately experiences remorse, like it'd been staring her in the face all along and she hadn't noticed. Most prominently is how she doesn't seem to know what 'sharing' is, not even knowing how to pronounce it.

To me, this implies that social conventions don't come naturally to her, and so she was 'trained' both by her parents and through observation, and so she takes a goal-oriented, logical approach to socializing… at least, after she's learned that she should do that with everyone, not just her family's social equals. Because like, it's really easy to be rude - I hate coming off as rude, but if you just don't care about that, then yes, you'll look like a huge jerk, but you also don't have to put any effort into anything. So for her getting to freely be rude was her way of letting loose after spending the rest of her time tightly calculating and monitoring her behaviour around 'those who matter'. And this is a bit less concrete, but I also know there are some things that just make me irritated, like it's an automatic 'I don't like this' even if it's really minor, and I think this is common among folks on the spectrum. For example, I really don't like it when people spring events on me with only a few hours' warning, or being asked to make snap decisions over things with no clear right or wrong answer. For Pacifica, it's reminders that she's Doing Things Wrong, even if she wants the reminder. And especially if she doesn't. The bell was horrible for her for this reason - it was her parents' way of triggering the You're Doing It Wrong reaction. They still conditioned her to associate the bell with her messing up, but they took advantage of this reaction to make it 'easier' for them to do so. There's this one line in one 'fic that sums it up pretty well, when she makes a kinda backhanded compliment towards Mabel and follows it up with "sorry, I'm still new to this whole 'compassion' thing." That's not hyperbole, 'compassion' wasn't part of her parents' curriculum. :V

(I should also point out that folks from the GF discord I'm in will recognize this because I copy-pasted it. I don't think I could have described it any better without just re-wording what I'd already said, so. :V)

#Gravity Falls #headcanons #Pacifica Northwest #autistic headcanon #neurodivergent characters

[letterstopedrito]

#16

Pedro....

Positive note: my husband initiated something sexual with me today

Negative note: I didn't get off.

I used to get off every single time my husband touched me. And that was also a frequent occurrence. Like 4-5 times a week at least.

Now he rarely initiates anything and waves me off 90% of the time I initiate. It's a once a month thing at best, at this point. And he doesn't do it like he used to. It's not something I've changed. For one, the frequency change is on him. I try to keep it up but he just isn't having it. But then also, it's not that what he used to do suddenly isn't doing it for me anymore. He doesn't do it like he used to.

It's so fucking obvious he's just trying to keep me happy. He does. not. want. me. He feels absolutely no lust toward me, you know? It's so obvious that he doesn't think about me like that anymore. I should be comforted by the fact that he doesn't think about anyone like that anymore, but I'm not. I want my husband to want me. I want the man I am with to think about putting his hands and mouth on my body. I feel like that's not an absurd ask.

He was fucking pouty all day because we had an honest conversation where I told him that I feel like his roommate and that I want him to want me and that our relationship feels fucking stagnant. He took me out to do something fun, under the guise of doing it for our girlfriend, which is... terrible? Like I'm the one begging for a change of scenery, but he wants to make sure she's enjoying it and that it's what she wants to do.

God and then she got so fucking bitchy toward the end of the day. We went to a farmer's market and then a flea market and we bought her so much shit and then we went to a game store and she shut down. Like she just stopped responding to basic questions and completely ignored both of us, but then seemed mad about where we picked for dinner and didn't talk the whole way home.

Just like... Why are we even still in this relationship honestly???

I want to be with someone who makes me feel loved and wanted and appreciated. Who does things to make me happy. Who I can do things for and it's like... appreciated? Like I'm sorry, but acts of service is not my love language, so if I'm doing an act of service for you it's because I want you to be happy. My love language is quite strongly physical touch and I somehow ended up in a relationship with two autistic people who can't seem to get why that's important to me.

I need to be touched to feel loved and god fucking dammit I can tell when y'all are forcing it! I can tell when you touch me just to satisfy my need for touch. That doesn't do it for me! I need you to touch me because the idea of not touching me makes your chest cave in! I need you to kiss me like I have the all oxygen on Earth in my fucking lips! I need you to fuck me like you're gonna fucking die if you don't bury yourself inside me! And all I'm getting is these

fucking.

placating.

touches.

These "I'm touching you so you don't leave me." "I'm touching you so you can pretend I want you" "I'm touching you so you don't go get someone else to do it" type ass touches.

If you only kiss me and only put your hands between my legs and you only cuddle me and you only hold my hand so I don't fucking run away from you???? That isn't good enough! Obviously something is fucking wrong here! Obviously we aren't as compatible as we fucking thought!

Can I debate politics until I'm blue in the face and bond with you over nerdy shit? Sure. But do I feel like you love me in anything resembling a romantic way? Absolutely not. We obviously would have been better off as friends, if this is how it's going to be. But I'm four years into this relationship and we have fucking paperwork behind our union now. I married him. And we were so fucking good together.

I thought.

I thought we were good together. I ignored a lot of shit because I loved him. I ignored his obvious reluctance toward physical affection. His pigheaded stubbornness. His refusal to move away from the middle of bum fuck nowhere. His inability to show one ounce of romanticism. Because his earnest, precious, all encompassing love was enough for me! It really was. If I had that I didn't need all the other shit.

But I don't feel that deep-seated buried in your fucking bones love anymore. I don't feel like he loves me beyond giving a shit if I'm in his life. I feel like his best friend more than his wife and lover. And there's a lot of fucking reasons I like you, Pascal, but one of them is that you seem like the kind of guy who wouldn't let this happen.

You wouldn't fall into (un)easy fucking friendship with the person you are supposedly in love with enough to commit to a life-long relationship with. You would love them with everything in you until the day you die.

I mean GOD what fucking 37 year old man looks at his still pretty in shape, still considered beautiful by outside sources wife that is 24 years old and think "nah, I don't feel sexually attracted to her" ????

Like what IS that? How can you be married to someone who is in their god damn prime, who thinks you are the most gorgeous man on the planet, and not want them? What is fucking broken in your brain? Did I get ugly or something? Did I do something wrong? Is there something wrong with me?

I just don't fucking get it dude. My marriage is sexless and I'm still in my early 20s and I don't have kids. It's not supposed to be like this.

This is one of those times, Pedro, I remember how much I don't want you to read any of these fucking letters. This is just me pouring out my heart in a place I know no one is reading. It's me bearing my soul in a place I know isn't gonna find its way back to the people I care about in real life. I hope you never read this shit because it's fucking pathetic.

If I had any backbone at all I'd just fucking leave, I think. But I can't. I'm too comfortable, even if I'm fucking miserable. So I'm gonna go puke (drank too much again) and I'm gonna go to bed alone. Because my husband is sleeping in bed with my girlfriend that I don't like anymore but I'm too pussy to dump right this second (she has BPD, it's gonna be a lot). He saw how much I needed him right now, but she cried because of a sad fucking movie and her feelings are always more important than mine.

He even had the audacity to ask if it's okay. If I say no, what then? He has to choose which partner to make unhappy? I could power trip. I could say no I'm not okay with that and he'd stay with me, because he promised I'd always be his number one. But that's a pyrrhic fucking victory if I ever saw one. It's not real. It just means that when I complain I get what I want for 5 minutes before it's right back to the same fucking bullshit.

Anyway Pedro. I'm having a real bad fucking time right now. Good night.

G.

#letters to pedrito #16 #pedro pascal

[mydissociativediaries]

10/10/2022: Family

Second entry for 10/10/2022.

My parents went to school with a man who's well known in our community. He has three kids that are around my age. He's super nice, humble and down-to-earth. Everyone loves him. I know his son and one of his daughters, and they're good people as well (his other daughter is shy and doesn't have social media.)

One of my friends is engaged to his son, so if that goes through, she'll have him as her father-in-law. I'm a little jealous of her. I've often wished he was my dad. I don't know what kind of father he is (he seems like he's a good one, but OK, I don't KNOW that.) Maybe he would've been just like my dad if he had me. I mean, my dad thought he was doing the right thing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But...I like to think that he would've been different. I don't think he has the same "tough guy" mentality that my dad does. He seems like such a gentle, loving person. I think that having him as a father-in-law or a father figure in general would heal some of the bullshit that I'm dealing with.

From my understanding, their shy daughter is a little like me in that her siblings are the loud, extroverted ones while she's timid and avoids people to the point that she doesn't even have Facebook. A lot of people don't even know that she exists, including me until someone mentioned her.

And they goodnaturedly joke about it. "Yeah, she's so shy and quiet that people don't even know she exists, haha! But it's OK. We love her just as she is."

With my parents and POS sister, it's more like "Yeah, she's so shy and miserable that she's a creepy weirdo that never talks to anyone, including us. Her sister's the normal one." I actually forget that there are families that don't act like that. What a concept.

I often think about her and my former teacher's autistic daughter, who turned eighteen this year. I wonder if her dynamic with her siblings is similar to mine with my POS sister. I'm sure it's nowhere near as toxic--from the little I've seen, they seem to get along OK, although I get the impression that none of those kids are particularly close (could be wrong, though.)

But her older sister and younger brother--her older sister in particular--are undeniably the "normal" ones. Her sister's an adult who went to college out of state. Meanwhile, [name]'s apparently skipping college--don't know if it's temporary or permanent--to focus on her "small business," as her mom puts it.

Her "small business" is going to the same craft fair every week and selling art that's...not good, to be honest. I'm not trying to be an asshole--it's just the truth. I get the impression that her customers are mostly her parents' friends and relatives, plus people who want to support the cute little blonde girl at the booth (not in a creepy sense.)

I mean, it's great that she can have fun and make money off her hobby, but is this going to be her entire life? Does she look at her happy, successful, and--I hate to say it, but it's true--"normal" sister and think about how different their lives are? She's never going to be like her. As much as her mother gushes about how she's an artist, she's a small business owner, she's successful, she's got so many customers, etc. etc., she's not going to make a living selling mediocre (sorry) crafts on the weekends and getting part-time summer jobs at Goodwill.

I realize that this is all projection on my part. I'm not her, and I have no idea what she actually thinks or what her family dynamic is like outside of social media.

Still...people know when they're not "normal." They know when they're not like the others. And in my case, my parents didn't even try to pretend otherwise.

Thanks for reading,

👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

#entry