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onlyhuis · 1 year

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leaning on the everlasting arms

member | childhood best friend! pastor's son!joshua x f reader genre | angst, smut, some fluff, bible college au word count | 10.3k (my first fic over 10k wowie!!) synopsis | as kids growing up in the same church, you and joshua were inseperable, until you got to an age where it was considered immoral for girls and boys to be friends. when you find him again just before graduation, he's different than you remember; but so are you. content warnings | female reader, she/her, reader is implied to be smaller (i'm sorry), discussion of gender roles & religion, no religion is mentioned by name but it's heavily implied to be a form of christianity, reader & shua are both seniors in college, reader wears skirts/dresses but not really by choice, this whole thing is pretty blasphemous oops smut warnings | descriptions of female anatomy, virgin!joshua x virgin!reader, mutual masturbation, phone sex, unprotected sex, fingering, oral (reader receiving), hints of a voice kink, size kink, praise, begging, really vanilla missionary but it's hot, nicknames (sweetheart, baby, angel) notes | although i am no longer religious, this is partially based off of my own experiences with the extremely traditional christian church i was raised in. however, please keep in mind that this is fiction and does not reflect my beliefs nor joshua's beliefs so don't take the plot too seriously. this piece is not meant to discuss whether certain religions are "right" or "wrong" so please do not comment/send me asks trying to start a debate! we're all just here for a little sexy time with shua it's not that deep note #2 | for those who aren't familiar, the title is the name of a hymn and i thought it was funny bc joshua big sexy arms hehehe

as far back as you could remember, joshua was your closest friend.

his father was the pastor of the church your family went to, and as luck would have it you were both in the same grade, so it wasn’t long before you became inseparable. you saw him at minimum three times a week: sunday morning, sunday evening, wednesday evening.

you spent most of your childhood together. sitting next to each other at every service, sharing your bibles with each other whenever one of you left them at home, sneaking donuts away from the box at the table outside the sermon hall that was supposed to only be for the adults.

you did everything together, and told each other everything. that is, until you reached middle school. boys and girls weren’t allowed to sit in the same services anymore, and you had to stay in separate buildings for every church camp and conference.

the worst part was you didn’t even understand why. what did they think you were gonna do with him? kiss him? no amount of money in the world could get you to do that! joshua was your best friend. who else were you supposed to climb trees and build forts and sneak donuts with? kissing was stupid.

when you asked your mom about it, she told you the same thing everyone else did: about how men of god had a different path and needed to hear different messages in order to grow up to lead their own churches one day. you thought it was stupid. what if a woman wanted to lead a church, why are men the ones that have to do it? but she would just shake her head and tell you it's just the way things work in the church, you'll understand when you're older.

you were allowed near him less and less until the only time you were able to see him was at the after-service brunch with his family, and even then that began to happen less and less as the years went on.

and of course it was church rules, so there was no arguing with them because that would mean arguing with god, and who were you to question his authority? there would be no special exception for you, no matter how much you protested to your mom that you would never, ever think about joshua like that. in a fit of anger one day you blew up at her, shouting that she had had friends of the opposite gender when she was in high school, so why couldn’t you? it wasn’t fair. but she had just sighed and stared out the window, clearly ending the conversation. many years passed before she finally told you about her life before she came to church, recalling all the times she had been hurt by men she had loved and trusted. you understood then why she had wanted to keep you sheltered and safe, but you still didn’t agree. but then again, if you had been allowed to do what you wanted then maybe things would never have ended up the way they did. perhaps you have her to thank.

back then, all you could do was hold on to the little time you had with him until eventually you stopped seeing him altogether.

more summers passed and you started spending all of your time memorizing bible verses with your fellow “women of christ”, missing the way you used to spend your time with your best friend.

but then you went off to bible college like had always been planned for you, and everything changed. instead of continuing to follow the strict schedule that was laid out for you, you finally got a little taste of freedom, and you realized what you’d been missing all this time. everything that you’d been taught was sinful, evil, wicked, was what brought you more pleasure than you’d ever known was possible.

you still had to pretend to be a good girl for the people around you, who, for reasons you couldn’t comprehend, were still dedicated to their life of purity. or at least they acted like it. maybe everyone was secretly just like you, hiding their sins behind a friendly smile and a firm handshake every sunday morning.

you weren’t hurting anyone with the things you did in private, and the feeling of rebellion was a kind of satisfaction you didn’t know you were allowed to feel. you were an adult, making your own choices now and facing whatever consequences that came with them.

there was only one consequence. for some reason, all the impure thoughts you had always centered around joshua. no matter what dirty books you read or videos you watched, the man you always pictured giving it to you was joshua.

you hated that after all these years, everything still came back to him. you fought it, tried imagining actors or celebrities in his place instead; characters from your books and movies and shows, anyone but him. you wanted to save whatever memories you had left of him, think of him in a good light like you used to when you were younger, but the way he plagued your mind was worse than the ones in the book of exodus.

but now, in your final year of college, you thought you had finally gotten yourself under control.

that is, until you were leaving one of your bible lectures and all the control you’d convinced yourself that you had crumbled away in mere seconds when you saw a startlingly familiar face standing by the door. a face you hadn’t seen in far too long.

“joshua?”

“hey,” he says with a smile, like no time has passed at all. like it’s been hours since you’ve seen each other, not years.

there are so many things you want to say, so many things you want to ask him, but you’re frozen in place. why is he here? where has he been? how did he find you again?

“it’s been a while,” he says with an awkward laugh when you don’t say anything.

you nod, still in a daze. “yeah. quite a while.”

he smiles. “well, anyway, i’ve got a meeting to go to in a bit, but… i just wanted to see you.”

“oh,” you say. what else is there to say? what can you say to make up for the years lost that you’ll never get back?

he looks at his watch, the conversation clearly coming to an end.

“can i give you my phone number?” he says. a deep shade of pink creeps into his cheeks but he either doesn’t notice or purposely doesn’t acknowledge it. “maybe we can talk sometime, catch up.”

“i– yeah,” you manage. god, it’s so good seeing him again. “yeah, that would be really nice.”

you’ve given up on homework for the night, spending your entire afternoon in a daze since you ran into joshua.

so many years, yet you still can’t get his smile out of your head.

you close your eyes, hand dipping below the waistband of your pajama pants automatically. it’s frightening how easily you’re able to bring up a picture of him in your mind, so much clearer than before now that you’ve seen what he looks like all grown up.

and grown up, he has. you had been too stunned to get a good look at him while he was in front of you, but the way he’d changed was immediately apparent and the image in your brain now feels almost unreal.

his hair was a little longer and a little darker, and he was much taller, with broad shoulders that looked way too perfect in a suit jacket. but his face hadn’t changed a bit. maybe his jaw was a little bit sharper and his smile lines were a little bit deeper, but his eyes were the same ones you had always known.

your hand slips lower and lower until you’re gently running the tips of your fingers over the panel of your underwear covering your pussy, moaning quietly when you feel how wet you are already.

no wonder it’s been so hard for you to focus all day. you’ve been too busy pushing away thoughts of joshua burying his fingers in your tight, wet cunt, cooing about how good you’re being for him and how long he’s waited for you.

automatically you feel your other hand grabbing for your phone, desperate to hear his voice again. you hadn’t said more than a few sentences to him earlier, but you feel like you’ll go crazy if you don’t hear him while you’re in this state. so needy for him and only him, and he doesn’t even know it.

your fingers shake as you press the buttons, knowing you’re about to get yourself into a whole world of trouble but not being able to stop yourself.

“hey.” he answers on the second ring. his tone is deep and husky, and your breath catches in your throat for a second, not used to hearing him talk like that; the last time you heard his voice was long before puberty, and you’re still navigating how to talk to this older, sexier joshua.

your first thought is to wonder if his morning voice sounds equally as sexy, but you’re immediately pushing it out of your head when you hear what sounds like him stifling a yawn.

“sorry, did i wake you? it– it’s not important,” you start, ashamed of how needy you are that you’d call him in the middle of the damn night, unprovoked, like some kind of bible group booty call.

the regret is already starting to set in. he probably hasn’t changed as much as you've built him up in your mind, probably still the obedient gentleman he was before. he’s probably already well on his way to being the head of a church, so of course he wouldn’t be thinking about you like that—

“no. it’s fine,” he says, interrupting your thoughts. “always have time for you, sweetheart. what’s up?”

you shove down the butterflies that flutter up in your stomach at the name he calls you, a nickname he always called you when you were kids because he was taught it was always polite to talk sweet to a lady.

except it feels so much different now. talking sweet to a lady as kids was easy, innocent. but one wrong word now would completely change the meaning behind those pretty words of his, and you aren’t sure how to feel about it.

“i… just– it’s been so long, joshie,” you whisper, surprised at the sudden feeling of tears springing up behind your eyes. you didn’t mean for this to happen— you didn’t mean for any of it to happen. not back then, and certainly not now.

he lets the line go quiet, finally sighing into the phone after a long pause. “i missed you… so much.” he murmurs your name, and the way the rumble in his voice goes straight through you immediately reminds you why you called him in the first place.

your free hand toys with the hem of your underwear again, fighting to keep down the whimper that threatens to escape you. “missed you too,” you breathe out. god, you can’t believe you’re doing this. but for the first time in years, the man you’ve been picturing in your head is right here with you, fulfilling some of your fantasies that you never thought could ever come true.

somewhere deep in your stomach you feel guilty about it, getting off to the thought of him and he doesn’t even know it. would he want to know? would he be okay with it? would he hate you forever if he knew?

he clears his throat, snapping you back to attention and you realize you must’ve been silent for a while, thinking.

“um, so, what are you doing?” you ask, trying to seem casual, but it comes out as anything but. nobody calls anyone this late at night and asks what they’re doing without having a dirty reason for doing so.

all you can do is hope he’s either too innocent to pick up on it, or that he doesn’t believe you’re the type of person who would call for something like that. you wonder if he still thinks of you as that perfect little obedient church girl he grew up with.

“nothing, just–working on… stuff,” he replies awkwardly. clearly he doesn’t want to go into detail about what he’s doing, and you’re already afraid you’ve interrupted his sleep; you’re mentally kicking yourself for all the blunders you’ve made, and you haven’t even been on the phone for five minutes.

“what are you doing?” he asks back, and you freeze, trying to come up with some excuse, anything. fuck, think of something!

“h-homework,” you sputter out, attempting to hide your unconfident answer with a cough.

apparently it works, because he hums in response, the line falling quiet. you hear the rustling of papers on his end, and you press your fingers harder against your cunt, heartbeat racing in your ears.

your fingers brush against your clit a little rougher than you intend, and a little whine escapes your lips, catching you off guard. you slap a hand over your mouth, hoping it had been too quiet for him to hear and he hadn’t been paying attention.

“are you…?” he asks suddenly, and your cheeks flush, caught red-handed in your sinful act.

you clear your throat, praying (both metaphorically and literally) that he doesn’t notice anything off about you. “am i what?”

his silence on the other end of the phone speaks volumes.

“joshua, oh my god, no, i–”

“what did you just say?”

you freeze. “what… did i say?”

when he speaks again, his tone is even. “don’t you know it’s a sin to take the lord’s name in vain, sweetheart?”

that nickname again, and now you know he’s doing it on purpose. innocent, pretty words, completely changed in a split second.

you let out a short laugh, scrambling to find a cover. “must’ve forgot then.”

he hums. “i remember you spent a whole month trying to memorize the ten commandments. we must’ve been what, eight or nine? you wouldn’t have forgotten. i may not have seen you since we were kids, but i’ve still known you most of my life.”

“it was an accident, you know how it is. just slips out. of course i remember them all.”

he tsks, and it feels like your heart stops. “did you forget that lying is a sin, too? you’re two for two now, wanna try for a third?”

damn him! damn his good memory and damn his stupid witty comebacks and damn the way he so quickly manages to unravel you.

you scowl and don’t respond to his question, your silence enough of an answer for joshua to know he’s right.

“why did you call me tonight?” he asks calmly.

you answer truthfully this time. “just wanted to hear your voice again. i really did miss you.”

the phone goes quiet again, and for a second you’re afraid he’s hung up, but then you hear him exhale. “it’s late. what are you doing?”

“i’m in bed, josh. don’t worry, father, i’m not staying up past my bedtime.”

he chooses to ignore your remark. “in bed doing what?”

you give him a half-suppressed laugh. “in bed laying down. what else would i be doing?”

“well, with the way you were trying to hide your moans earlier, i would’ve figured you were doing something more exciting. but if you’re just laying down, then i don't want to keep you long, might as well hang up…”

“no!” you squeak out, cutting him off. you swallow, trying to collect yourself as you repeat the word. “no. fine, whatever, you caught me. but– please, stay.” you can hear the plea in your voice and you know you should be embarrassed at how pathetic you sound, but you aren't. the only thing you can think about is joshua, joshua, joshua, and how good it feels to talk to him again.

“i’m here,” he says softly, and you let your eyes close with a sigh, relieved he’s not going to chastise you. but as much as you’ve both changed as you grew up, deep down you knew he wouldn’t. you figure you could do just about anything and he wouldn’t try to tell you what to do. he’d always been like that, and it’s what you’d loved about him; he never tried to control you or shame you for not acting like the perfect little angel everybody wanted you to be.

you couldn’t say the same about others in the church. maybe that’s why you’d started to drift away from them and why joshua’s friendship coming to an end had left you so devastated. he had been the one and only person you could always count on, and they had not.

“are you still there?” he asks gently, and you realize you’ve been quiet for too long thinking.

“yeah,” you say finally.

“are you still touching yourself?”

you pause, stifling a gasp, taken aback by his forwardness. hearing him say it out loud made everything seem so real, the realization setting in about what you’re actually doing. “n– no.”

and it’s true. your hand has long since dropped away from your pajama pants, too nervous about being discovered to continue.

“well, why not?” he says. “don’t stop on my account.”

your mouth falls open. “i–”

“clearly you wanted something from me when you called. what is it, sweetheart? i can’t help you if i don’t know what it is you want.”

your brain practically short circuits at that, and it takes a very long minute for you to collect your thoughts into a coherent sentence. you want a lot of things, but you don’t know what’s okay to say or not or if he even wants to keep going. which is a silly thought, because he wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t want to know. it dawns on you that maybe… maybe he’s curious, maybe he’s thinking about you, too.

“what kind of help?” you ask, still testing the waters. you think you have an idea of what he means, but you ask anyway. you’ve never done anything like this with anyone else, only by yourself; not because you didn’t want to, but because you didn’t want it to be with someone who wasn’t joshua.

“you said you wanted to hear my voice,” he says, and you swear his tone has dropped an octave. “then let me talk to you.”

you whine a little, still holding back but not putting in as much effort to hide it. “m’kay.”

“would it make you feel better if i told you i’m hard right now?”

you suck in a breath. “yeah?”

“yeah,” he says. “just thinking about you.”

you feel a rush of emotion at his admittance. pride? satisfaction? whatever it is, it makes your cunt throb, knowing that just the thought of you can get him going.

finally you dare to slide your hand down your pants again, unsurprised when you find your underwear sticking to you with how wet you are. you’re soaking, and you haven’t even done anything yet.

“hold on,” you manage, putting the call on speaker as you set your phone on the table beside your bed, scrambling to shove your pants and ruined panties off and onto the floor.

once free, you pick up your phone and turn off the speaker, holding it to your ear with shaky hands.

“all ready now?” he asks softly, and it reminds you of what he used to say before you’d play pretend games together. always making sure you were ready. he was hot back then, too, and you mentally curse yourself for never realizing it sooner.

you hum. “mhm. comfortable.”

“good,” he says, and you can almost hear him smiling. “go ahead and do whatever you’d like. but i want you to tell me what you’re thinking about right now.”

you squirm a little on the bed as you start to circle your clit with your fingers. “thinking about you, joshua,” you sigh, finally beginning to feel relief.

“yeah?”

“yeah. you look even better than i thought you would,” you groan, picking up your pace a little as you slip your index finger inside your walls.

he chuckles. “oh, really?”

“mhm. god, i never thought i’d be doing this. especially not with you.”

“and why is that, baby?”

the name makes you shiver. you’d imagined him calling you it many times, but hearing him actually say it is completely different.

“because—” you whimper, losing your train of thought when your brain suddenly pictures his fingers inside you instead of your own. “i’m so close already, please—”

his tone is gentle but firm. “i want you to stop now.”

“but– ah, feels so good, shua,” you say, moans spilling out of you, finally letting him hear everything you’ve been holding back.

you hear him curse in that low voice through the phone, and your hand stills for a split second in shock, your eyes widening. as far as you knew, he never swore. but then again, there were a lot of things he never did that you're discovering about him now. looks like you weren’t the only one who changed over the years.

“that’s not my name.”

you sit up a little in confusion, pushing your phone closer to your ear to make sure you’re hearing him right. “huh?”

“my name is joshua. if you’re gonna moan like a sinner about how good it feels when i tell you how to touch yourself, you better use my name properly.” he sounds almost angry, but it only spurs you on even further.

you let his words sink for a second before responding. “yes, sir.”

“fuck,” he moans, he actually moans, and if you weren’t already so far gone you would’ve stopped to listen closer, to ingrain the noise in your brain so you never again forget how he sounds. “what did i just tell you?”

“what, you don’t like being called ‘sir’? thought you wanted to be a pastor, joshua,” you say with a smirk, and you know he hears the mischief in your voice, daring him to give you what you want.

it’s probably a good thing he’s not physically in the room with you, because there's no way you would have been able to muster up the courage to say something like that to his face. you wouldn’t have dared to even look him in the eyes, but being on the phone gives you a head rush. because with only his voice and not seeing his face, you can convince yourself that he still isn’t real, that this whole phone call and even your meeting earlier had just been an elaborate figment of your horny imagination, your denial being the only thing saving your last shred of dignity.

“didn’t realize you’d grow up to be even more of a brat than you were before,” he scoffs, and your cunt pulses.

“what are you doing right now?” you say, a little desperately. the change of subject isn’t very subtle but you don’t care. you won’t lie, you’ve been curious since the start of what he’s doing but he’s been so focused on you he hasn’t said anything about himself. you want to know everything about him— how he’s moving his hands, where he puts pressure, what he thinks about to get himself closer and closer.

he grunts unceremoniously. “i’m fucking my hand and pretending it’s you.”

“me too,” you whimper, closing your eyes as you focus on the movement of your fingers.

after a while he stops responding, and you can hear his heavy breaths over the line matching with your own gasps for air as you curl your fingers inside of you. you figure he must be getting close, but you ask him anyway, because you want to hear him say it.

“yeah– fuck, so close,” he chokes out, and the way his voice gets higher as he lets out a whimper is what finally makes you come undone.

with a moan of his name—his full name—you cum, clenching around your fingers as you struggle to keep your hand moving. your wrist is starting to cramp up a little from the position you’ve been in, but the pleasure coursing through you is more than worth it. it’s almost dizzying, more powerful than any orgasm you’ve had before and when you finally remove your fingers from your aching cunt your head is spinning and your heart is pounding.

you can hear a muffled string of curses through the phone and you know he’s right behind you. thoughts of him sitting on his bed run rampant in your head, imagining his stomach covered in milky cum and his pretty, pretty lips parted as he catches his breath.

the silence is heavy as you feel yourself come back down from your high. you struggle to find something to say after… whatever that just was, so you say the only thing that’s on your mind.

“i really did miss you, joshua,” you say quietly. unlike before, there’s not a hint of teasing in the way you say his name now.

and he sighs contentedly, finally hearing his name on your lips like he always wanted to. “i know. i missed you too.”

you both say your goodbyes and good nights quickly, still basking in enough of the remnants of your orgasms to not be too awkward about it. but after you’re settled in bed (for real, this time) and about to fall asleep, you can’t help but wonder if things between you and joshua will ever be anything but awkward.

a memory surfaces: you and joshua running around at the park behind the church after a sunday evening service, no older than kindergarteners, laughing and playing until you collapse on the grass. your mom called for you both to get ready to go home, and no you’re not allowed to have a sleepover because it’s a school night but maybe this weekend if his mom is okay with it. before you ran off, he thrust his pinky out towards you and you shook on it, making a pact to always be best friends, even when you can’t have sleepovers. it didn’t ever occur to either of you that there might come a day where you wouldn’t be best friends.

you don’t remember what prompted him to make the pinky promise, but you know he’s never broken it. and you can only hope that he hasn’t forgotten it.

it’s a few days later at one of your bible study groups when you see him next, and yet again you’re caught off-guard like a deer in headlights.

you’re sitting with a group of other ladies, annotating material for a test you couldn’t care less about when you hear your name called out– a familiar deep voice you can only pray doesn’t belong to who you think it belongs to.

oh, but it does belong to him, alright. it feels like you’ve gotten the wind knocked out of you when you turn around and see joshua standing behind you, a warm smile on his face that makes you doubt anything ever happened. maybe it really was all just a delirious dream, too many years of yearning built up into one intense wet dream.

he puts a hand on your shoulder lightly, turning you away from the rest of the ladies. “hey, can we talk somewhere?”

and oh shit it was definitely not a dream.

your cheeks burn as you excuse yourself from the table, packing up your bible and pens and shoving everything in your bag as quickly as you can. you can almost hear the snickering already, the gossips whispering to each other that you must have done something unspeakable if the top-student, pastor’s son, joshua hong has to speak with you privately. ah, if only they knew.

you only wish you could go back there and wipe the smirks off of all their faces and tell them about what the perfect little gentlemen they all pretend they don’t have crushes on was doing on the phone with you last night. you wouldn’t do that, not in a million years, but just the thought of it is satisfaction enough.

joshua leads you down the hall to a room that looks like an empty office. he opens the door for you, then closes it softly behind you.

“whose is this?” you ask, glancing around the room.

“it’s… mine,” he says almost shyly, gesturing idly to a little engraved nameplate on the desk. joshua hong, pastor’s assistant. because of fucking course he would be.

“oh.”

he clears his throat, and in that moment you realize he’s just as nervous as you are. “listen…” he starts, taking a pause. “about the other night–”

“are you gonna kick me out?” you interrupt.

his brows knit together in confusion. “what?”

“are you gonna expel me?”

“no?” he says, still looking at you, baffled. “why would i do that? i don’t even think i have the power to, even if i wanted. which, for the record, i don’t.”

you don’t reply, focusing your gaze on the carpet instead.

he frowns. “is that really how you think of me? that i just go around tattling to my dad? from that… conversation, i thought it was clear i’m not like that anymore.”

the tips of your ears are burning at the memory of all the things you said to each other over the phone. but it never occurred to you that maybe he was just as sinful as you had been.

you stay quiet, the silence stretching on as shame and embarrassment and a hundred other emotions swirl in your mind and you struggle to figure out what to say.

luckily for you he fills the silence himself. he exhales, looking down at a stack of papers on the desk. “god, you… you don’t know how much i missed you. i thought about you all the time.”

“so did i,” you manage to whisper. “in more ways than you know.”

he gives you a teasing smile. “oh, i have a feeling i do know.”

you hold back a cough and look away, focusing your attention on a painting of flowers on the wall. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“if that’s how you wanna play this, fine.”

your curiosity piques, and you look back at him. he motions to the seat in front of the desk, wordlessly asking you to sit. hesitantly you do, and he starts to sit down at the swivel chair behind the desk, but you clear your throat and he glances up.

“can– can you not sit over there?” you ask softly. “feels like i’m being scolded.”

his expression softens a little, and he rolls the chair back into place, opting to sit next to you instead. “of course.”

except maybe you shouldn’t have asked him to do that, because now he’s sitting toe to toe with you and the closeness is overwhelming. at least on the other side of the desk there was enough distance for you to shrink and hide behind, but here, sitting like this, he can see all of you. and you don’t particularly want to be seen right now.

the tension is palpable as he takes his seat, still watching you. you take the moment to study his features: the slope of his nose and the gentle curve of his lips, the way the light catches on his long eyelashes and the way his broad shoulders look in that perfectly tailored sunday morning service suit.

“i always liked you,” he starts, and your gaze shoots up to his eyes. you open your mouth to ask something, but he shakes his head and you immediately fall silent, letting him finish. “i was almost glad when they made us go to different sunday school classes, because i wouldn’t have to sit there and pretend i didn’t have the craziest crush on you.”

“joshua, i–” you trail off, not even knowing what to say.

he pauses, as if debating his next words. “and i know it’s wrong, but i couldn’t get you out of my head when i… y’know.” his cheeks are flushed but he doesn’t look away from you, eyes searching your own for any hesitance or any sign that you don’t want this.

it’s then that you realize that the boldness you had felt hiding behind your phone, he had felt it too. saying words alone in your room at night was easy. sitting in public, in the daylight, and saying those same words to his face was so much scarier. and knowing that you’re both feeling awkward and shy and a little uncertain of how to talk about it gives you the confidence to keep going.

“when you would what?” you pry. you already know the answer but you want to hear it come out of his mouth anyway. you’ve already heard him say it, but something about sitting in his office, in a church, speaking such filth ignites a spark in you that’s completely different from the spark you felt a few nights ago.

he clears his throat and looks you in the eye, maybe gaining a little bit of that confidence, too. “when i would jerk off i would always wish it was your sweet little mouth instead of my own hand.”

you inhale sharply, and that’s when he finally breaks eye contact, his guilt-ridden gaze shifting to the wall behind you as his cheeks burn redder. “i didn’t feel good about it. felt like i was doing it without your permission, and i didn’t want that. i–”

“yes,” you say hurriedly.

he stops short at your interruption, instantly looking back at you. “yes…?”

“yes, you have my permission. whatever you want, joshua, always.”

his eyes narrow, almost imperceptibly, but you recognize it. even after all these years, after so much has changed, you still know his tells. you wonder if he still knows yours.

he murmurs your name in response, almost like a warning. “don’t say stuff like that,” he says, letting out a shaky breath.

“why not?” you ask, feigning innocence. but you know exactly what you’re doing, and you know exactly how you affect him: the same way he affects you.

he looks up at you. “you really are just as much of a brat as you were back then, aren’t you?” he says with just a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

“why don’t you find out?”

he groans, leaning back in his chair. “do you know how long i’ve wanted to kiss you?” he says finally.

“probably just as long as i’ve wanted to kiss you,” you counter, and he raises an eyebrow.

you both stand up at the same moment, closing the distance in less than a second.

you stare at his chest in front of you to avoid his eyes, until he brings up a hand and gently tilts your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“are– you gonna get in trouble?” you breathe, heartbeat pounding in your ears as you stare at his perfect, perfect lips.

he hums, and it sends a shiver down your spine at the close proximity. “are you still giving me permission?” he asks, and you quickly shake your head yes.

“always.”

he smooths his thumb across your cheek. “then i won’t be in any trouble at all."

and then his hand moves to hold the back of your neck and he's tilting his head and bringing his lips towards yours and then finally, after years of dreaming about it and even more years of denying it, you're finally kissing joshua and there's so many things happening at once that you can't seem to focus on anything because your mind is so full of everything and nothing and joshua and it all just feels so right.

you’re melting in his arms and falling into his touch and enjoying every fucking second of it. your heart speeds up when his hands slide behind your back, wrapping around your body to pull you closer to him, pressed chest to chest.

he pulls away to kiss you again, and again, and again, and you decide you’d be content to be like this forever, standing in his office in the church building making out like you’re the only two people on earth.

but finally his lips leave yours, and he takes a tiny step backwards, heaving out a shaky breath as he looks you in the eyes. “what are we gonna do now?”

your heart plummets, doubts racing through your mind. did he not like it? does he not like you? did you really just ruin everything? why did he stop? why did he ask that—

but all your questions are answered in an instant when he coughs and you look down, finally noticing the prominent bulge in his dress pants. oh. that.

when you look back up at him his cheeks are flushed bright red, and he immediately begins to apologize.

“shua,” you call out to him, repeating his name the way you know he likes. “joshua. don’t worry about it. it’s fine.”

in fact, you find it incredibly flattering, that just a few kisses and gentle touches could get him this worked up. maybe it really has been you all along.

with a surge of confidence, you step back towards him, wrapping your arms around him and leaning to kiss him. “are you busy today?” you murmur, your cheek brushing against his.

he shudders, hands automatically finding your waist and pushing your hips against his own. “no. are you?”

you sigh, kissing the corner of his mouth. “not anymore.”

“fuck,” he curses, his grip on your body tightening “you really want to…?” he asks, almost shyly, as if he’s in denial this is really happening.

“absolutely,” you say, and you’ve never meant anything more in your life.

in a second he’s got you shoved against his desk, sending papers flying to the floor as he lifts you by your ass to sit you down on top of it. your kisses turn rougher and needier, your hands grabbing at anything you can reach to ground yourself: his hair, his shoulders, his back.

finally he breaks free, dropping to his knees in front of the desk. “please, let me eat you out.”

you moan out loud, probably too loudly for the thin walls of the office. but the visual of him on his knees to do anything other than pray drives you mad, and you need more of him, desperately. “joshua, please.”

he pushes your skirt up your thighs, moving it out of his way so he can stare eye to eye with your pussy. you whimper and instinctively try to hide your face in embarrassment, but something tells you he wouldn’t like that, so you resist, keeping your hands firmly planted on the edge of the desk.

“fuck, you’re soaking,” he says, his voice broken. “you’re so perfect.”

his hands reach up to tug at the hem of your underwear, and he looks up at you, silently asking for permission to continue. you nod eagerly, lifting your hips off the desk so he can slide them off of you, revealing your glistening entrance.

he whines at the sight, pretty lips parted in shock? awe? as if he can’t wait to taste you. he pushes his face into your pussy, gently at first, but when you moan and bring your hand up to his hair he dives deeper.

the moment he attaches his mouth to your clit, you jump, gasping as you try to shut your legs around his head but his large hands keep you held open. his tongue explores every inch of you, moving back and forth, up and down, mapping out your cunt with his mouth.

“fuck, never dreamed you’d taste so good,” he sighs against your pussy, leaning away to take a breath after what feels like forever.

your legs are shaking and your cunt is throbbing as you also try to catch your breath. you’re not used to being touched like this and you’re definitely not used to being touched by joshua. so many thoughts running through your head and not a single one of them coherent enough to put into words. all you can do is weakly whine out joshua’s name and tug on his hair, pleading for him to keep going. you need release, and you don’t want it from anyone but him.

he stands up, his pants wrinkled from kneeling on the floor but still tented with a bulge so uncomfortably large you feel dizzy just thinking about it. you don’t even know if he’s going to fuck you or even if he wants to, but god you want to see his cock so bad. too many restless nights spent thinking about it, and now you might finally have the chance to see it in front of your face.

your mouth waters at the thought, and you start to slide off the desk, but joshua stops you. “what are you…?”

you look up at him, eyes blown wide with lust and you don’t even attempt to hide your eagerness. “please let me suck your dick. joshua, please.”

he whines, running a hand through his hair. “god, i want that so bad, but… i don’t think i can last if you do, and i was really hoping to fuck you.”

you close your eyes and roll your head back, moaning at his vulgar confession. but he sighs, and he sounds almost defeated, and you look back at him quickly, afraid he’s suddenly changed his mind.

“i’m not—prepared,” he admits, and you tilt your head in confusion before it sinks in what he means.

“ah. don’t suppose you would have any condoms lying around, would you, mr. pastor’s assistant?” you ask playfully, and he shoots you a glare.

“brat,” he mutters under his breath, but you hear it, and your walls clench in response. “no, i don’t have any. not interested in anybody else, so… no reason to.” he looks like he has more to say, more serious things to say, but he keeps his mouth shut, his eyes searching your face nervously.

your stomach flips at his words, feeling your cheeks heating up. you hadn’t thought you would ever get this far, and especially not with him. because of the kind of school you were at, it wasn’t like the people here were doing the kind of things you’ve been doing—at least not publicly. even if you’d wanted to hook up with somebody (which you didn’t), everyone in your vicinity would shame you for even bringing it up. you may have experience with yourself, but anything with anyone else is completely new territory for you.

you fall silent, not sure how to continue the conversation as all your newfound confidence begins to crumble. what were you thinking? caught up in the heat of the moment, saying things you weren’t sure you meant. you were in love with him: that much you were sure of. but everything that comes after that is too new, too scary, at least for right now. you can barely even comprehend that he just went down on you, but you know you enjoyed it and honestly, you’d give anything for him to do it again. but there’s too much going on inside your head for you to even begin to process that right now.

he calls your name and you blink, looking back at him anxiously. “we… don’t have to. right now, or even at all,” he says gently. the tips of his ears are burning red but his voice is calm and steady.

“joshua, i want to,” you start, clasping your hands tightly together in your lap to give you something to focus on other than the way he’s watching you so intently. “but i– don’t know how.”

“neither do i, baby,” he says. the nickname makes you shiver; even though it’s not the first time he’s called you that, especially after the other night, you’re still not used to it. but somehow it’s comforting, and it makes you relax knowing that he’s still the same person you grew up with, the same person that knows almost everything about you. you’ve both changed so much, but deep down you haven’t changed at all.

he pauses when you don’t say anything back. “we’ll wait, then,” he says and wraps his arms around you, lightly at first but then squeezing when you don’t try to pull away. “we have all the time in the world. no need to rush.”

“we… do?” your voice is laced with uncertainty.

he smiles. “of course. i let you go once already, i’m not letting it happen again. never again.”

you turn your head away from him and hide your face, flustered by how sincere he sounds. he hums, and you can hear the pout in his tone so you fight your embarrassment and turn back towards him to ask the question that’s been weighing on your mind since you first saw him days ago. “this is gonna sound so stupid, but… shua, what are we?”

first you were childhood friends, you were best friends, and then you were nothing. right place, wrong time? and then you were… doing something on the phone together, whatever you could call that. and now you were just sitting on top of his desk, sweating from having almost had sex. how do you even begin to put a label on this?

“well, i’d like to be yours,” he says shyly, and just like that all your questions are answered with six small words. you realize it doesn’t matter what label you have; as long as you have him, that’s all that matters.

“yes,” you breathe, lifting your eyes to finally meet his and you see all the love in his eyes threatening to spill over.

he reaches up to brush a piece of your hair out of your face. “i’m just glad i finally have you back,” he says with a soft smile as he watches you. “we’ll go slow, we’ll wait— whatever you want. whatever it takes not to lose you again.”

you bury your face in his chest with a whine. you’re hiding again, but even the uncomfortable scratchiness of his dress shirt can’t pull you away from him.

“besides, i don’t want our first time together to be in my stupid little office,” he chuckles and holds you tighter against him, pressing a kiss to the top of your head that makes your heart flutter. “you deserve better than that.”

you stay there for a long moment, hugging him like it's the last time you'll ever see him. but this time you know it won't be the last. it's the first, the first of hopefully many, many more.

when you feel like you've been standing there too long, you clear your throat and lean your head back to look at him. "so, um… now what?"

he pauses, those pretty lips turned up in a smile. "do you have plans for lunch?"

"no, i just had that study group you pulled me from. i'm free for the rest of the day."

his smile widens. "perfect. you still like grilled cheese, or did you grow out of that, too?"

you laugh, putting your chin on his shoulder as you hug him. "i haven't changed that much, shua."

after taking a while to collect yourselves (waiting for his erection to go back down so you can leave together without looking suspicious), you walk out of joshua’s office the happiest you've felt in years.

he'd wanted to hold your hand, too, but you were still anxious about anyone seeing you together that you'd refused him until you made it to his car. you were probably just being paranoid and no one would care about two responsible adults talking to each other, but all the time you'd spent hiding from your peers had put you on edge.

so, it wasn't until you were safely out of the church parking lot and in the driveway of his apartment complex that you let him touch you, kissing you over the cupholders with his hands gently holding your neck.

it took everything in you not to climb over the center console and sit on his lap in the driver's seat and kiss him as hard and as deeply as you really wanted, but you knew once you started you wouldn't be able to stop. and besides, he still didn't have any condoms. it didn't bother you either way, since you'd been taking birth control since high school to help with your periods, but if it was what he wanted you'd be more than fine with it.

you don't know what you'd been expecting the inside his apartment to look like; probably some tacky cross-stitch bible verses or a wooden cross hanging on the wall, but his apartment just looked like… a normal apartment. a very clean apartment, actually, though you weren't surprised. he'd always been a neat, organized kid, and it looked like that was one thing he hadn't grow out of.

you watch as he puts his keys on a hook by the door, following him into the kitchen and sitting at one of the chairs.

he grins at you as he opens his refrigerator, pulling out the ingredients for your lunch before taking out a pan.

"shua…" you interrupt him, standing up and walking towards him slowly. "you're not— really thinking about grilled cheese sandwiches right now, are you?"

he hums, eyes following your every movement as the pan sits cold and abandoned on the stove. "there are… other things on my mind, yeah."

"so why are you still trying to make grilled cheese sandwiches?"

by now you're close enough to stand toe to toe with him, and you're sure he can feel the heat radiating off your body when he wraps his hands around your waist, backing you against the kitchen counter. "because i wanna make you lunch. maybe i just wanna spoil my girl a little bit."

a shiver runs down your spine at the new name he calls you. never in a million years did you think this is where you'd end up.

"i think you have all the time in the world to spoil me later, joshua," you mumble, leaning in closer and closer until your lips touch.

in a flash he's hoisting you up and sitting you on the counter. his mouth never leaves yours as you slide your legs around his hips to drag him closer, kisses growing deeper and more desperate now that you can finally be alone together.

his hands slide down your body, tugging at the hem of your shirt and only breaking apart for a second to slide it over your head before his lips are crashing against yours again.

your hands find his hips, experimentally tugging on his belt to see his reaction. immediately he pulls away from you,

cheeks flushed and breathing heavily. "sweetheart, i still don't have any condoms. if you really want to now, then we gotta run to the store first."

“i’m on the pill,” you burst out, hoping he gets the message. maybe he has some other reason for wanting to, but you're too impatient to wait for who knows how long it'll take to go to the store, and you don't think you'll be able to keep your hands off him for that long. you don't think you'll be able to keep your hands off of him for even a few seconds.

his face goes blank as he processes your words, struggling to understand if you’re saying what he thinks you’re saying. “you’d let me…?”

you grab onto his arms, a desperate attempt to pull him closer, to feel more of him. “raw, yes, joshua. just—please, i need you,” you beg him, cunt throbbing with neglect as you wait for him to answer.

he buries his face in your shoulder with a groan, gripping his hands underneath your thighs and sliding you off the counter.

with a shriek you wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck, holding on tightly as he starts to walk out of the kitchen carrying you. "joshua! what the hell are you doing?"

his face is still pressed against your shoulder, and you can feel his lips tickling your bare skin as he speaks. "i'll fuck you on my kitchen counter any day of the week, baby, but i want to have you for the first time in my bed, please?"

his voice is low and whiny, just as desperate for you as you are for him and it makes you moan with excitement.

he finds his way into his room, stumbling a little when he accidentally runs you into the wall instead of through the doorway, but you just giggle and kiss him harder until he finally drops you on his bed, immediately unbuttoning his shirt.

you run your hands along his chest as he leans over you, feeling the toned muscle that feels almost wrong to be seeing. his physical changes are much more obvious to you now that he's like this, and you know the image will fuel your fantasies for weeks.

your hands move to his belt again and this time he allows it, letting you unbuckle it and toss it away before slowly lowering the zipper. he's already hard again, and your heart races when you put a little bit of pressure on the seam and he lets out a guttural groan in response.

his arms flex as he reaches down to slide your skirt off, and you help him and kick the fabric away, leaving both of you in nothing but your underwear.

joshua pauses, letting his gaze wander your body as you look away shyly. he hums and you look back at him in confusion. "don't hide from me, sweetheart, please," he says, but it comes out more like a whine; not like he's asking, but like he's begging. it's honestly the hottest thing you've ever heard, and even with your nerves he makes it hard to resist.

"dreamt about this for fucking years. years," he moans as he leans over to kiss your chest, reaching behind your body to undo your bra and let it fall away. you whimper when he brings his hands up to cup your breasts, wrapping his mouth around one of your nipples as he starts to slowly grind against your clothed pussy. you can already feel yourself soaking through your panties, and you're sure he can feel it, too.

his hands are like nothing you've ever felt, and you roll your head back against his pillows, arching into him as he massages your breasts with his large hands. you'd noticed them before, but you hadn't realized just how big they were until they were on top of you and made your body seem almost tiny beneath his massive palms.

"shua…" you breathe, tentative hands reaching up to touch his shoulders.

he looks up at you, mouth covered in spit. "yes, angel?"

you whimper at the nickname. no angel you'd ever learned about in sunday school had acted like you are right now, begging a man to fuck you. and on top of that it was before marriage, too; surely if there was a god they would be extremely disappointed in you. but right now you didn't care if the entire universe was disappointed in you, as long as joshua hong wasn't.

it takes you a few more seconds to build up your courage, but finally you open your mouth and tell him, "joshua, please— fuck me."

he slides forward to kiss you again, before sitting back and repositioning himself between your legs. "anything you want, sweetheart."

he lines his cock up at your entrance, and just before you think he's about to push into you, he looks up at you instead.

"i love you, so much," he says, and you have to fight the urge to hide your face as you grin and giggle like a fucking schoolgirl; like the past version of you would have, if she'd had any sense and figured everything out sooner.

and, like always, he asks, "ready?", and you nod, and it's better than you could've ever imagined.

the whines that leave his mouth drive you close to the edge already as he begins to thrust into you, slowly, gently, just a little bit at a time but it still leaves you gasping from his size.

he keeps moving at a snail's pace until you reach up, fumbling to grab at his bicep as tears nearly spill out of your eyes and beg him, "joshua, more, please."

he leans over you, pressing his body flat against yours as he starts to rock his hips faster, and you cry out from so much pleasure and so much emotion hitting all at once.

"wanted you so fucking bad, for so long, and now you're finally here," he whispers, his thrusts never faltering despite how close in proximity he is to your face.

you whine as your hands claw at his back, digging in as you struggle to hold on and he curses again, pushing into you harder.

"you said i was better than you imagined," he groans, one hand coming up to caress your cheek. "but you're even better than i imagined. you're a fucking angel, so fucking beautiful."

you gasp his name, falling into your orgasm from his words alone as you clench impossibly tight around him. you always thought of him as the nice kid, the rule follower, but here he is, fucking you through the hardest orgasm of your life and saying such filthy things in between praises and compliments.

"jo-oshua, please!" is all you can manage, still struggling to recover before he crests into his own high with a whimper. his eyes scrunch up as he releases inside you, eyelashes fluttering and sweat dripping down his temples, and you think it's the most beautiful sight you've ever seen.

a constant stream of curses fall from his lips and you swallow them with yours, kissing him as if you're afraid he might disappear into thin air if you don't hold onto him tight enough.

his breaths are shallow when his mouth falls away from you, resting his forehead on your shoulder with a long exhale.

"god…" he starts, then stops and laughs, and you have to tug on his hair to make him face you again.

"what are you laughing at?" you say, cheeks growing hot when he looks at you with droopy, hooded eyes and a lopsided smile.

"nothing," he laughs. "just god. what a funny word."

"and why is that, baby?" you say as you try to hold back a smile, testing out the nickname.

he grins. "because it gave me you. or maybe it didn't. who knows?"

you finally laugh along with him, remembering what he'd said to you on the phone that feels like years ago. "don’t you know it’s a sin to take the lord’s name in vain, sweetheart?”

the church is humming with activity as you make your way to the front pew, carrying two donuts in your hand. people greet you as they mingle about the hall, talking and laughing. some wave excitedly when they see you, others simply smile and offer their hand for you to shake with a friendly “good morning and god bless!”

being a pastor’s wife isn’t something you ever imagined yourself doing, but then again, a lot of things in your life you never imagined doing. you never imagined seeing joshua again, and you never imagined marrying him, either. you certainly didn’t imagine taking over your father-in-law’s church when he retired and decided it was time for joshua to take his place as head of the church. you always knew he would someday, whether he wanted to or not, but you’d be happy to spend the rest of your life by his side no matter where he was or what job he had.

you’d been almost nervous when you decided it was finally time to tell your parents you had been seeing each other, but to your surprise they had been overjoyed at the news. both his family and yours were “just so glad when it happened to be you!”, saying things like “we’d always known it would happen, back since you were children!”, and “so when are we going to get some beautiful little grandchildren to take to sunday school!”

it had been five long and happy years since that very first phone call, and every minute you spend with joshua has been the best of your life.

you walk up the steps to the stage where your husband is waiting, flipping through his notes for the morning’s sermon. you hand him his donut with a grin, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. he smirks at you, imperceptible to everyone else but you can tell what it truly means.

everybody in the congregation always talks you’re the perfect example of a happy, god-loving couple. such nice looking people, so well put together. but behind closed doors, they’d be horrified by the things you say and do together. wolf in sheep’s clothing, as is your husband’s favorite parable to preach.

it’s not the life you imagined, but it’s perfect to you and him.

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morallyinept · 1 month

Text

ADORATION - A Joel Miller x Breast Cancer/Mastectomy F!Reader One Shot

Written as part of my B O D I E S Series 🤎

BODIES MASTERLIST

Summary: After some completely unexpected and devastating news, a long journey of loss and healing, Joel shows you how beautiful he still finds you.

Pairing: No Outbreak Joel Miller x Breast Cancer/Mastectomy F!Reader (No name or physical description of reader in terms of ethnicity, hair colour etc... However, Reader had breasts and hair before treatment. I've imagined Reader to be around a similar age as Joel, who is 56 when writing this, however Reader's age is not mentioned, so you can determine/imagine it's you, if you'd like to, bub.)

Word Count: 8.3k

Scoville Smut Rating:🌶️🌶️🌶️ “You tell me I'm doing well, and then, you try to kill me."

Check out my Scoville Smut Ratings here.

Triggers & warnings: Mentions of breast cancer/double mastectomy/surgery/grief/loss/depression/body issues/illness & recovery/fear/mentions of death. Established relationship/unprotected PIV (wrap up, folks)/breast worship/Joel loves on you hard.

NSFW. MINORS DNI! OVER 18’s ONLY. YOU ARE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU READ.☝🏻Don’t come at me; you’ve been plenty warned.

I write for me, and I share with you. If this story isn't to your taste, that's fine. Just slip quietly out the back door. No need to make a fuss. It's just a work of fiction.

Author’s Note: It's important to me that all types of readers are represented in my work, therefore this collection of stories is written for readers with REAL bodies. However, anyone can enjoy them. Whilst this story may not specifically represent your own personal journey, it is my hope that it resonates and offers comfort and enjoyment. The condition/disability mentioned in this story is not 'one size fits all' - everyone's journey is personal and unique, and I have undertaken as much research as I can to write accurately and respectfully. 🤎

MAIN MASTERLIST | JOEL MILLER MASTERLIST

Enjoy! 🖤

You’re whining, keening softly as your nose dusts the crown of greying curls resting just below your chin.

They tickle gently on the inside of your nostrils each time you inhale, smiling into the beam of sunlight that strobes onto the pillow, blinding you into a warm, balmy bliss.

Causing your body to spasm and jerk beneath him; little bursts of electricity soar with static, crackling down your spine. You arch your back, pushing your nipple further into his warm, wet mouth.

The insatiable pull around your nipple draws hisses from behind your teeth, eyes rolling back into the furthest reaches of your skull.

Your fingers press into the back of his cranium, cradling him close; losing yourself to the never-ending swirl of his tongue around that fleshy, hard bud as he tongues it, sucks it, nips it...

Hips grinding in a languid cadence against his crotch, a hard bulge catches on your clit as you grind against his cock; stiff and leaking into his faded, worn-out boxers.

Joel’s a self-confessed breast man. He likes pawing at your ass too on the very regular occasion, but he spends most of his foreplay time - and any time, really - latching onto your breasts like a hungry infant.

He likes to suck your nipples out of the puffy swell of your areolas on warm mornings when you wake nestled around him. Coax that stubborn left one out of it's invert with a probing, flickering tongue.

He loves to pinch the stiff, hardened peaks through your top when you're chilly to make you giggle and squirm against him. Feels closest to you when you sit together watching a rubbish film on Sunday evenings in his lap, and he casually has his hand up your shirt holding onto your breast like he would your hand.

It’s a comfort you both enjoy; a big, reassuring warmth holding onto you. He likes feeling the weight of them as they fill his palms, watching the bounce of them, mesmerized, as you ride on his cock vigorously.

Joel’s all up in your marvellous chest at any chance he can get. Sucking the pebbled teats between his lips, swirling his tongue around and around as you fist through his wavy locks and groan when he brings you to orgasm just by lavishing your breasts with his mouth - he loves how sensitive they are.

Especially the right one, it's almost as sensitive as your clit.

Just a few licks over it on this lazy weekend morning, has you panting and almost tearing the roots from his scalp as he squeezes the left one inside his deft fingers; flicking the nipple with his rough index pad and groping a lavish handful.

He’s rutting into you, on the cusp of just pulling his cock out of his boxers - that have seen better days - and slipping into his beautiful wife writhing underneath him; he can feel you seeping through the thin cotton against him.

Joel squeezes your breast again as he sucks at the other, humming at your moans. You croak out his name; each vowel rolling off your tongue with abject need.

Opening and closing his fist around the mound, grunting in rapture, he brushes his thumb along the underside, when he stops. Shiny nipple popping out of his wet mouth, with that furrowed brow pulling his face into a tight knot.

“Darlin’,” he says, with a pursed mouth; his heavy eyes falling to your breast, and his stubby thumb running under the obvious hardness of a lump. “Ya feel that?” He questions, gently.

You look down at him realising his pause.

“Why are you stopping?” You gasp, your hips still moving, slit making a sticky mess against his cottoned length.

You stop grinding, sitting up as you take your breast from him and squeeze all around it, slightly irritated at the interruption, until you find it for yourself.

You feel an unwelcome visitor nestled within the soft curve under your breast, inviting itself bluntly into yours and Joel’s lovemaking.

“God,” you say, his concerned eyes meeting yours.

A lump, no larger than a pea, yet heavy with the weight of uncertainty, that suddenly makes your blood run icy. Your heart pounds a frantic rhythm against your rib cage.

Fear, cold and unyielding, spreads poisoned rust through your veins as you trace its contours; your fingers lingering over the unfamiliar bobble of its terrain.

“It’s probably nothin’,” he reassures with a nod, with eyes so deep you could fall into them and never see light again.

"Yeah," you nod too, but your own eyes convey your trepidation.

And it’s enough to halt any chance of morning sex with your burly husband in its tracks, as you disappear quickly into the bathroom for a thorough inspection.

Disbelief, a fleeting hope that what your fingers trace is merely a figment of your imagination, or a cyst at best.

All weekend you fret and worry until you can call the doctor's office on Monday morning.

You can't count the number of times you touch it, prod at it. You tell yourself out loud that it’s probably nothing, like Joel suggests.

Yet, as reality sinks its claws into your rational thinking, fear takes root, gnawing away at the fragile threads of your composure.

Yeah. Probably a cyst.

Your breasts change all the time; lumpy and bumpy; they’re not as perky as they once were. Your monthly cycle sees them ache and weight heavy like granite blocks sometimes.

It’ll be fine. Nothing to worry about. You tell your weary reflection, but she has a hard time believing you as she stares back with unblinking eyes.

When Joel doesn't put his hand up your shirt as you nestle into him during your Sunday night film ritual, that's when the tears kick in.

Excusing yourself to the bathroom, you don’t cry in front of Joel, but he’s not so easy to convince that everything's fine, and it’s just allergies making your eyes red, when he knows it’s not allergy season. Or that you have any allergies.

“S’alright to be worried, darlin’. But ya gon’ be okay.” He tells you he’s coming to the doctor with you.

You argue that it’s fine, but he's insistent with his brooding frown and pursed lips like he’s constantly chewing on a wasp. He tells you he loves you no matter what, and you’ll be fine and that’s that, as he squeezes your hand.

He pulls you close as you watch the film together spread out on the sofa. Still no hand up your shirt. You see the colour moving on the screen, hear the dialogue and music, but none of it sinks in. You’re staring at the TV completely blank.

He excels at making you think clearly, challenges your fears and helps you confront them with simple questions and words to get you to think differently. It’s one of the main reasons you married him. He has a level head.

And you don’t realise how tense you are until Joel rubs your back and you melt fully into his chest.

With more soothing words and reassurances, eventually you believe him that you’re probably being irrational and panicking over nothing, because Joel has this knack of waving a magic wand and making everything okay.

But it isn’t okay, not this time.

Within two weeks you have a mammogram and a biopsy after the doctor murmurs hmms and huhs at you.

You’re told not to worry as there’s only a two per cent chance that it’ll be cancer, as you’re stripped bare before the prying eyes of medical professionals and the cold embrace of diagnostic tests.

The loss of control over your own physicality is so fast, leaving you feeling exposed and deprived of the autonomy you'd once taken for granted.

Unfamiliar hands groping and prodding on your breasts replace Joel’s warm, tender ones, and you try to hold it together inside the sterile walls.

You break the moment he has you in his arms outside in the long, lonely corridor of the hospital and asks you how it went.

Joel throws himself into work on the construction site, and you throw yourself into a sinking depression, clouded with worry and worst case scenarios.

You’re sent home with stitches and painkillers after the biopsy, and all you can do is wait.

The invasion of a hostile takeover of your once jaunty mood hovers thickly in the air between you both at home during that time.

You do the one thing you shouldn’t and Google fucking everything. Survival rates, post-op images, types of cancer and all the dread that your eyes can take in until you can take in no more.

You then switch tactics and try to stay occupied and distracted. You play Joel’s old country rock playlist full blast, deciding to turn the house upside down and clean and bleach the shit out of every nook and cranny of it, until Joel comes home, eyes stinging with the fumes, and asks if you’ve lost your damned mind.

You smell bleach on your fingers for days after and it reminds you bleakly of the smell in the hospital corridors.

You lay in bed side-by-side at night, awkwardly staring at the ceiling, recalling how most nights you can hardly get enough of one another. But Joel rolls over and mumbles an exhausted goodnight to you, and you try your hardest not to cry; but the tears slip silently out the creases of your eyes anyway.

You’re called to come in for your biopsy results almost a week later, and the car journey there is deathly silent as Joel and you stare out the windshield and don’t say anything the whole way there.

Joel glances at you and you feel the weight of his ginormous hand on your thigh, squeezing it, and you barely register the sensation at first, turning to him as he squints in the sunlight as he turns the wheel.

There’s no casual flirting, no animated discussions about supper; no singing along to Bennie And The Jets together on Rock FM.

You watch the town pass you by out the window like it’s a stranger, equal parts numb and terrified.

The specialist takes a seat opposite you both, their gaze never wavering as they speak in a soft voice laced delicate with empathy, and you immediately know from the look on their face.

“It’s gon’ be alright, darlin’.” He says.

Although you’re unsure if it’s for your benefit or his, as his eyes remain focused on the road and glaze over in their emptiness somehow.

"I wish there was an easier way to say this, but the results of your biopsy came back, and I'm afraid it's cancer..."

Your breath catches in your throat, your world dangerously spinning out of control as the weight of those words settle over you like a suffocating shroud.

"Cancer? Two per cent…" You whisper, your voice barely audible above the rush of blood in your ears.

The medical speak jumbles your brain. Triple-Negative. Faulty BRCA1. Aggressive…

The words fade out and so do you.

But when you come back, you're looking at Joel; at his profile as he speaks. Mouth moving at the specialist with questions fired behind stunned snarls.

You're not sure where you go, or for how long, it’s just all muffled and quiet. Like being underwater, it fills your ears completely as you sink. Peaceful in a way.

The first time in weeks you’ve had any peace inside the tornado of your mind. It all stills.

He’s so beautiful.

You think it’s odd how a man can be deemed beautiful, like it emasculates him somehow, but it's the right word, you think. Beautiful, with heavy features etched with concern, yet softened by an unwavering love that radiates from his soulful brown eyes.

In the opaque light filtering through the window, you notice the creases at the corners of his eyes, the remnants of countless laughter-filled moments you’ve shared; your mind reliving through all of them in a handmade scrapbook decorated with glitter glue.

You can hear that little breathy snuffle he makes as he chuckles at something you say, whether it’s genuinely funny or moronic. His eyes, once bright with hope and joy, now glisten with unshed tears filling round shiny scleras, reflecting the tumult of emotions churning within him.

He talks, asks all the right questions you can't even form into comprehensible words. And somewhere through the falling, the tumbling, you love him even more for it.

You spend a quiet moment tracing the prominent curve of his nose with your eyes down into the way his lips will quirk upwards in a playful, crooked grin that never fails to warm your heart.

Yet now, they’re drawn down into a thin pout of worry; a silent plea for reassurance amidst the uncertainty that looms over you both.

Joel's a practical man, hands on. He needs to know. He needs to have all the facts and weigh up all the options presented to him like a gloomy spread of cards on the desk before him.

You can’t help yourself, reaching your fingers out and tangling them in the soft tendrils of his hair as you brush them behind his ear.

But you're fixating on his hair, once a riot of chestnut curls that framed his face with youthful exuberance, now bear the distinguished marks of time - strands of silver threaded through the greying curls that fall in gentle waves around his temples.

It’s almost like they’re greying further in front of you as you watch him now.

When was the last time he got a haircut?

Your fingers brush against the fuzzy, silken stubble that adorns his jawline and top lip, a tactile reminder of the physicality of your love, recalling the way he rubs it against your face, your inner thighs...

His jaw clenches slightly, a reflexive response to the weight of your shared anguish, yet his grip on your hand remains steadfast.

Your eyes drop to the calloused knot of thick, squeezing tendons and bone crushing around your own.

The look in his coffee bean eyes as you advanced towards him, stacked chest puffed out; filled with love and pride that you were his. You remember his speech, how he choked around carefully thought out words relishing that he’ll get to spend every waking moment with his best friend.

The gleam of his wedding ring and the feel of the warm metal is no longer perfect in its circumference as you trace your finger over the tarnish of it. It’s flecked with tiny scratches from his work.

You remember how handsome he looked in his snug-fitting tux as he waited for you at the end of the aisle scattered with rose petals.

You squeeze your eyes shut as you picture him looking down into your coffin, wearing the same tux; red eyes and snot falling from his nose as he collapses, wailing your name in haunted howls, and it’s enough to have you fleeing from your chair, with a spine-chilling scrape against the floor, in search of the nearest bathroom as your stomach lurches.

You barely make it, spilling your insides into the toilet bowl uncontrollably.

No. No, no, no…

The harsh fluorescent lights flicker overhead, casting eerie shadows against the cold, tiled wall with you pressed up against it; your breaths coming in ragged gasps that echo in the hollow confines of the tiny bathroom.

Tears stream down your cheeks, hot and relentless, as the weight of the diagnosis presses down upon you like a suffocating lead blanket, threatening to engulf you in its darkness.

Panic claws at your chest, its icy fingers tightening with each heartbeat, squeezing the air from your lungs until you feel as though you’ll suffocate beneath its crushing weight.

You can't breathe as you fumble at your buttons on your shirt trying to loosen them.

"I got ya, darlin'. I got ya." He soothes. "It's okay. I got ya. Sssh. Just breathe. I got ya..."

It doesn’t take Joel long to find you at all. All tiny and cowering in the cubicle; sobbing wildly as you reach for him, and he pulls you to him and lets you shatter against his broad shoulders.

His voice is your anchor, pulling you back slowly.

It's not fair. You can’t leave him.

You slur something about fucking it all, you’re going to die anyway, right? Might as well go down swinging, before he takes the bottle from you, muttering fucks of his own, as he prods you back up to bed and wraps band-aids around your bleeding toes.

You don’t remember him picking you up and taking you home, or holding you all night.

You don’t remember him finding you in the kitchen at around two AM, drinking yourself stupid with broken glass around your feet, and his concerned tone asking you what the hell you’re doing.

You eventually fall asleep encased inside of his arms and inhaling the spiced scent of his skin, breathing it in deeply so you don’t forget it.

He makes you breakfast in the morning that you don’t eat, irons clothes for you that you don’t wear.

Buys you brightly coloured flowers, that he knows you love, to cheer you up. But you simply let them wilt and die on the counter top, not bothering to get a vase out for them.

You just sit and watch them die; their velvety petals shrivelling and curling before your eyes over the course of days.

Cancer just doesn't affect you, it affects the people closest to you, too.

That’s what the website says that you’ve been directed to. You realise this when you notice Joel and you haven't had sex since the day he discovered the lump.

You haven’t kissed either, not passionately anyway. Your breasts have been unloved and untouched by him, for what feels like weeks, when the man usually can’t bear to not grope or pinch them playfully when he holds onto you. Or sneaks up behind you when you're washing up the dishes, making you splash bubbles in his face.

In a bout of feverish desperation, you climb into his lap whilst he’s watching a game and nursing a bottle of beer on his day off, kissing him with wanton bites on his neck making him frown, as you push your chest towards his face.

It only kills you further when he shakes his head and tells you not like this, darlin’ before he lifts you off of him.

It creates an argument. You accuse him of not finding you attractive anymore, and he growls at you that you’re being ridiculous, before you yell even louder.

You don’t even know why you’re yelling or how you even got to this point. Nothing makes sense anymore.

And yet now, for the first time, you don’t know what he’s thinking behind that knot of muscles pulling his face taught; what he’s feeling, and it fucking terrifies you as you plead for him to talk to you.

You and Joel never fight like this. You always talk about things that bother you both. You've never heard Joel raise his voice in the whole entire time you've known him.

Honesty and open communication has always driven your relationship and come naturally between you both.

But instead, he leaves to let you cool off. You don’t know that he doesn’t go far at all. He just drives his truck round the corner and sits there in it, sobbing helplessly into his thick palms until it gets dark and he goes to a bar in town to drown his sorrows further.

You don't know that it kills him not being able to touch you; he wants to. Fuck, he wants nothing more than to ravish you, but he’s terrified he’ll hurt you, or will do something dumb that only his own mounting panic convinces him he’ll do.

For the first time in his life, Joel feels completely helpless.

It’s not fair. He can’t lose you.

“Let me see,” you prompt, and he drops the ice-pack to reveal a nasty black eye in the early stages of birth.

You find him in the kitchen late when he eventually comes back home, and making no effort to hide the fact he’s had a heavy drink.

He looks up at you, holding an ice-pack to his face and waiting for the tirade from you.

Red grazes orbit around his fist too, knuckle skin missing, you note. His eye is almost sealed shut with the swelling that’s a mix between blue and purple, in stark contrast to his golden face. Broken blood vessels litter the area, and he sniffs deeply before he speaks again.

“Ya should see the other guy,” Joel assures with a tight mouth.

He has a large dimple on the left side of his face when he smiles; an almost perfect, crescent like the moon in its waxing phase. But it’s hard to coax a smile out of him for it to be fully revealed these days; his mouth constantly twitches into a downward arch most of the time.

As you look at him, there’s an old man somewhere inside of his face; a burdened man, exhausted and on the verge of giving up entirely.

Cancer just doesn't affect you, it affects the people closest to you, too.

“What happened?” You query, tentatively as you dab at his knuckles.

“I lost my shit.” He replies stoically, as you tend and fuss over him whilst sighing.

You look up at him and as much as you want to be mad with him, you can’t - he’s hurting too.

Comprehension is a difficult task to begin to tackle. You ask so many whys - why me? Why is this happening? But fail to find an answer to any them.

Everything has been spun one-eighty and you’re still dizzy from the shock of your diagnosis.

Hours and soon days disappear from your life, like sand falling in an hourglass, as you try to fully understand what’s happening around you.

You feel as though meandering through a blur, your body robotically doing the things you're supposed to, but your mind not being fully coherent. Get up, eat, work, go to bed and so on. It ticks continuously whilst your limbs belong to that of a zombie.

Questions, thoughts and images... all blinking through you trying to piece it all together whilst you move stagnantly. But eventually the anxiety begins to chip into your mentality and inserts thoughts that you daren’t venture down.

The exact truth is staring you in the face, but try as you might to refute it, it’s plainly obvious and it begins to terrify you in ways that are new.

You have cancer.

It invades your dreams and deprives you of sleep. Tears make themselves acknowledged, at the most inconvenient of times too, like shopping in the grocery store, or typing at your computer at your desk at work, and trying to hide them from the prying world is a task in itself.

And you don’t realise it at the time, but Joel’s going through the same. Questioning, worrying, just as paranoid and stressed as you are.

And you both need to talk about it, you know you do, but yet neither of you can quite summon the courage to do so.

“M’sorry,” he says into your hair, as he pulls you in for a crushing cuddle against him.

“It’s okay,” you murmur, as quiet tears absorb into the plaid flannel pulled tight over his chest from your eyes.

But it's not okay. You have cancer.

Over the course of your discussions with the doctors, specialists and oncologists - and other medical professionals, whose names, faces and titles get lost in the swampy fog of your brain - the words ‘bilateral mastectomy’ are tossed around.

It’s clear the risks aren’t worth you keeping both of your breasts when they tell you you’re at high risk of it potentially coming back. To add another punch to the blow, they suggest removing your ovaries too, mumbling the words just in case.

Just in case…

You look at Joel, devastated. You’d both agreed that children were something you weren't both keen on having years ago, but it still feels like that choice of having an open dialogue about it is ripped from you.

When you agree it’s the best way forward, and he agrees too with a face that looks like he’s just had a lobotomy and doesn’t know where he is, a date is put in the diary for the surgeries and treatments, and it’s sooner than you think it will be.

There’s hardly any time to breathe and take it all in.

A day before the surgery and you’re sitting at the kitchen table with a face on as Joel comes in from work, sawdust caked in his hair and boots.

Your voice cracks as you explain that perhaps you should just call it time. Let him find someone else. You won’t be upset, you want him to be happy as you mutter incoherently about death and divorce, and death again, until he shakes his head defiantly and huffs loudly.

He reaches into the fridge for a cool beer and offers you one, but you don’t reply. He looks down at your face.

At the face that Joel affectionately calls butt face.

The beer fizzes over the top in a foamy eruption as he slams it down on the counter top.

“Ya really are an idiot, ain’t ya?” He says, slumping down heavily into the chair beside you.

“But,” you begin and he makes the butt face at you, with pushed out lips and squinted eyes. “You won’t want me anymore.” You whisper.

His face pulls serious as he drags your hand into his blistered ones. “I ain’t fuckin’ goin’ anywhere.” He grits. “And neither are you.”

“But-”

“Quit with the butt face, darlin’. In sickness and in health. Ain’t that what we promised?”

“Yeah, but-”

He shakes his head again, his stubby fingers finding their home on your face, catching renegade tears in the whorls of his fingerprints.

“What, ya think m’gonna not love ya anymore because ya ain’t gonna have any breasts, is that it?”

That’s exactly it, hit the nail on the head, and although you don’t say it, he knows. Damn it, he knows.

“Ya really think m’that shallow?” He clicks his tongue around his teeth.

“No, of course I don’t,” you shake your head. “I’m just… I’m scared, Joel. I'm really fucking scared.” You gulp.

“I know.” He says, pulling you into his lap and wrapping those big, strong arms around you. “M’gonna be right there, when ya wake up, okay? M’gonna bring ya home and we’ll get through this, together. You n’ me. One day at a time. Okay, butt face?”

It’s the first time in weeks you smile and the first time in weeks you kiss; a soft, but tentative peck against your lips, that still holds back somewhat.

Pushing your foreheads together you sigh out, unable to think about anything else.

Two operations, four and a half months of chemotherapy and three weeks of radiotherapy, and it takes months for your hair to grow back.

You remember recoiling in horror as it fell out in clumps a few weeks after the chemo started, until you decided to just be done with it, and had Joel shave it off for you.

He offered to do his own in solidarity with you, until you snatched the clippers from him.

“Don’t you dare!” You almost shrieked as you ran your fingers through his tufty curls, smiling. “You’re never getting a haircut ever again.” And he smirked at that.

“Yes, ma’am.” He'd said as he put them away.

You had woken, groggy and aching, to Joel's face smiling at you and pushing a water beaker to your lips. You looked down to see your chest covered in bandages and drains under your hospital issue nightgown.

It was an odd feeling, you didn't feel much of a difference in those first few, post-op days; weighted down by the drains and dressings, and in and out with the pain meds.

They shifted you out of hospital the next day to recover at home, and Joel took up the role of carer, doctor and home cook as he fussed and got you comfy on the couch in a suffocating fort of pillows and blankets.

After the ovarian surgery, you started taking aromatase inhibitors, which were an added nightmare as these treatments bring on an almost immediate menopause with your ovaries now gone.

No gradual decline - a full push over the fucking cliff, face first. You can’t bear for Joel to touch you when you’re burning up and sweating; soaking the sheets through completely that you fear you’ve wet the bed.

When you’re sick from the radiotherapy, he feels useless hearing you heave behind a locked door. All you can do is lay in bed for days, struggling to keep food down and sleep it off.

You're too weak and exhausted to climb the stairs sometimes, so Joel carries you in his arms up them, even though it kills his knees and makes him groan silently when it pulls on his back. But he still does it anyway.

There are more discussions as the treatments carry on. More options, more pills, more chemicals. More time spent feeling like sludge.

Your bandages and dressings finally come off and you see yourself for the first time in front of a mirror, and there are a few moments when you can’t feel anything. Like there’s no water left in your body to cry anymore.

You just stare at your reflection with the nurse hovering by your side.

They warned you you’d be left with scarring. The scars from the mastectomy extend across the skin of your chest either side and into your armpits where you had lymph nodes removed too. They’ll fade over time, but will never completely disappear.

They warned you they’ll also feel permanently numb. And they’re right, as you touch your mutilated body with shaky fingers, you feel… nothing.

It’s another loss to mourn, the loss of your femininity, of yourself.

And that’s the worst feeling of all as you stare at the mess of your chest that was once curved and bouncy and shapely like a woman ought to be.

Now you’re flat as a board and there’s nothing remotely feminine about your body now, you think.

You can feel the sensation of touch to some degree, but it’s nothing like before. No sensitivity, no prickly feeling that creates goosebumps, just completely numbed out.

And over the course of some weeks, you can feel odd sensations arise, like you’ll touch your chest and you’ll feel it under your armpit. Your body feels all out of sorts as it slowly heals.

You have options; you can have more surgery to build you a pair of breasts if you'd like, but that comes with more pain and recovery and you decide you’re done with that.

You can wear a padded or filled out bra, you can have a tattoo which you briefly consider to cover the scarring.

But you settle on remaining as you are for now. Overwhelmed by the options out there, when you truly believed there was nothing that could make you feel even remotely feminine again.

Maybe something pretty, like flowers…

And Joel nods at all of them as you ask for his input, but ultimately he just wants what you want.

You cover the scars up with layers. You sleep with long sleeved tops and no longer undress in front of Joel. You can't bear him to see you like this, not yet.

Each day you think will be the day when you garner enough bravery to show him, but don't.

It feels weird, like some days they’re still there, akin to a phantom limb. You find yourself checking your chest as you feel the familiar bounce of them as you run down the stairs, or go to grope them with the suds to clean in the shower and the loss devastates you all over again.

He reassures you, telling you that you're beautiful with sincere eyes, and there's nothing that you need to worry about. But it still niggles away.

That lone, renegade thought that he might not be attracted to you anymore when he sees them, suddenly becomes the loudest of all.

They say time is a healer. Patience, understanding. And Joel has been all these things and more.

He’s carried you above the surface of the muddy water when all you’ve wanted to do is drown at times. He’s the one who nudges you awake each morning with a nose in your cheek and reminds you to take your pills.

He’s the one who brought you a beautiful coloured scarf to wear on your head when you lost your hair. A gorgeous floral print that you admired with a smile at the intricate pattern of petals as you ran your fingers over the silk of it.

He’s the one who, despite working all the hours God sends, still comes home and makes you something to eat because he knows you might not have any energy to cook.

He’s the one who still tells you he loves you, no matter what’s going on under your tops and sweaters that swamp you in their bagginess.

It isn’t time that does it at all, it’s him.

You wake one morning, months after, as the sun pools in the bedroom, and look at Joel on his back, asleep and snoring gently.

Joel’s seen you at your absolute worst; your most vulnerable, and he’s still here. Resilient, strong. A man who puts others to shame.

A man that you still desire, and you want him to desire you, even if you’re not whole anymore.

You reach out and touch him, hand brushing over the swell of his golden belly to convince yourself he’s real. Soft, downy hairs around his belly button tickle your palm gently.

He stirs at your stroking, sleepy eyes looking down at you as he blinks, adjusting to the light.

“Ya alright?” Joel asks, and you nod with a smile.

“I love you.” You say to him and he blushes, like he always does at that. Pink capillaries coming to life in his cheeks.

“I love you, darlin’.” He confirms, clutching your hand and kissing across the knuckles gently.

His hair is a tousled mess, the greys on his chest seem more plentiful and it stirs something within you; something the intense and gruelling treatments haven't fully killed off.

You straddle him and lean over, kissing him, much to his surprise. Your hands roam over his soft belly, squeezing gently as he smirks around your lips, and yelps a little when you pinch a ticklish spot.

“Hey now,” he warns, as your tongue licks over his lips.

He hums out as his hands sweep up your back, cupping the back of your head as he slips his tongue inside your mouth.

To taste him again is divine as your body instantly relaxes onto him. He nips gently on your lip and you groan out as you feel how hard he gets underneath you.

You can’t help but subtly grind on him as he groans into your mouth.

You break the kiss to sit upright, heart thrumming in your chest as he looks up at you with those dark, molten eyes.

"I'm ready to show you." You say and he straightens up.

"Okay," he nods, thumbs stroking over your thighs gently.

Without hesitation, you lift up your top revealing the flat, scarred wasteland that is your chest now, that you haven’t had the courage to let him fully see.

For a moment, his face is completely unreadable and you consider reaching for your top to cover up again.

You hold your breath as his eyes wander over the puckered welts; you feel his fingers twitch against your hips.

He sits up on his elbows, eyes locked onto yours, licking over his lips slowly as his peepers follow the lines back and forth.

His eyes dip further down to the two, little dimpled scars from where your ovaries were removed, either side of your tummy.

“Don’t ya dare,” he says, as if able to read your mind.

And you realise that he can, in his own way. He’s always been able to see you even though you try to hide sometimes. He just has the patience to wait until you're ready.

He never pushes, he just waits, because he knows that eventually, you’ll crawl out from whatever hole you need to hide in for a while to deal, to process - whatever it is you need to do. Then you’ll come back to him.

And he’ll always be there aith open arms when you do.

Joel takes you in his arms, twists you so you’re laying on your back and he kisses you there without hesitation. Kisses gently where your breasts once were in the same way that he used to.

Runs his mouth delicately over the numbed skin, dragging lips and leaving wet tracks with open mouthed kisses.

You gasp out as your eyes fill with water, your fingers finding their rightful place, raking through his curls as he glides his tongue over every creased line of your scars.

“Joel,” you whimper, cradling him as you feel his hardness press up against your centre.

You can feel a tingle of the warmth from his lips on your skin kissing gently as your eyes pool. He looks up to see you crying.

“Baby, baby. Does it hurt?” He asks, worried.

You shake your head. “No. No, I can feel you.” You gasp, shaking. “It’s weird, but I can.”

“Where?” He asks.

“There, kind of,” you say, as he brushes his lips over the spot where your right nipple used to be.

He kisses you there and runs his tongue gently over the area making you shudder, and you feel the tingles again, strangely in your armpit.

It makes you giggle at how your nerves have patched themselves up all wonky, and he smiles at you, chuckling as he licks and tests all places that might have an ebb of feeling, with little kisses and watching your reaction to each one.

All the tension leaves your body, muscles relaxing beneath his gentle ministrations; breath steadying as you surrender to the intimacy of this moment.

Reaching down, you cup his swollen cock over his boxers, with the fraying elastic tickling your wrist.

“We really need to get you some new underwear,” you titter at the state of them.

He simply shrugs with a smirk. “I could just simply take ‘em off.”

You nod eagerly and he pushes them down over his hips as you stroke him; your palm sticky with him as he leaks undeniably into it.

“Ya sure?” He queries gently as you swipe him against your folds.

"Mmm, Joel." You groan at the feel of him as you pump him. "God, I want you."

It feels so good to have him touching you, so close. The weight of his body pressed into yours, crushing you again. How warm he feels against your skin.

“I fucking want you, Joel.” You plead, as you clutch his face in your other hand. His warm breath breathes life into your tired bones. “I don’t want you to be gentle either. I need you to fuck me, hard.”

“Ya so fuckin’ beautiful, darlin’,” he grunts as he pushes his thick cock head against your drenched hole.

You both groan out as he fills you, stretching you wide around him and pumping into you gently as you acclimatise to his girth - it's been a while.

You wrap your legs around his waist as he mouths at your neck; tongue trailing down to your chest and finding that spot again.

“Snug as a bug in a rug... damn.” Joel quips, his tongue running over his teeth and then shaking his hips from side-to-side, making you feel all those little movements as he furrows up so tightly in there.

He flexes his groin and begins moving back and forth inside of you, pressing on that sweetly, pinchy spot deep inside; slightly uncomfy and yet incredibly good at the same time.

“Fuck me, Joel,” you plead, gripping onto his arm skin, “fuck me hard, please…” You whine as he sets to ploughing you like you command and demand of him.

You’re so wet that the sounds coming out of your pussy are almost farcical, making you giggle and him grunt as they squeak and soak him. He slips out a few times trying to gain his momentum - it’s like a damn slip n’ slide.

Joel presses down on your knee, bearing his weight on it so you can’t shut your legs. Making you endure it - to ride that full gigantic wave smashing into your pussy and rising up through your body.

“Ya so fuckin’ wet, ya drenched.” He’s panting, beside himself with the state you're in. “Gushing for me already, huh, darlin’?”

Your eyes roll back into your head and he smirks as he fucks hard into you like you want.

“Like this? This how ya want it?”

“Yeah, Joel. Don’t stop!” You wail.

“Ain’t gon’ stop til’ ya come for me, baby.”

He only slows to lean in and kiss you as he pistons in deeper, winding those hips of his into you further.

“Joel…” you drone. It feels so good as he grinds, so deep.

“Darlin’ ya feel too good. Fuck, m’not gon’ last like this…” he whines with a panting smirk.

“Slow it down,” you moan as he grips a hold of your thighs and brings you back onto him slower, deeper.

He licks over your mouth clumsily, tongue swiping across your nostrils, grunting out loud as your pussy clenches around him as you shudder underneath him.

He watches with a smile, lighting up the contours of his heavy set brow as you come around him.

And it’s like staring at the sun for too long; his smile brands itself into the back of your eyelids - a permanent scorch that you never want to forget.

And you feel every inch of him like this. He fucks into you slowly; your breaths hitching and falling from your chest quicker as you both work to build you up again.

“Joel!”

He reaches forward, stroking his thick fingers over the marred scars; feeling the smoothness of healing skin juxtaposed with the slight roughness of the scar tissue.

He strokes up to your neck, pulling you upright gently as you cry out when his cock hits so deep.

“Like that, darlin’...” he croons, as he winds further into you. “Mmm, fuck!”

You tremble and shake uncontrollably as he brings you to another orgasm.

“There ya are, baby. There ya are…” Joel smiles, kissing over your nose and cheeks. "So fuckin' beautiful, ain't ya?"

And he’s right there with you, head pressed into yours, watching; feeling as you squeeze and contract. Feeling you tremble and shake.

Watching as your eyes water and you gasp; your hands squeeze around his biceps, nails digging in.

You claw at him. Pulling him closer as he whimpers. A ragged cry escapes from his throat as he drives his hips deeper and struggles to contain himself.

You feel his teeth on your shoulder, grazing and desperate to bite down through the flesh. Your nails rake through his scalp, twisting and pulling as you pant and groan.

He watches in awe at you shaking on the end of his thick cock, rattling about as he turns you out and finally has his way with his gorgeous wife again.

His eyes fall over your chest and he looks at you adoringly, tongue weaving across the scars again without hesitation. Planting kisses and mouthing over the scars.

“Oh God! Oh Fuck!” You holler.

Making you feel every thick, beastly inch of him, as he pounds up into your insides like a boxer taking his fury out on the bag.

Joel pulls you by the hips upright, as he rolls onto his back, so you’re now on top of him. Everything’s fluid, swift and in a blur.

He anchors you down by your waist, making you sit on him; making you unable to escape him.

“Holy shit, oh shit-shit! Joel!” You exclaim as you gasp and struggle to swallow as the frantic intakes of breath choke you. “Oh my God!”

“Ya can take it… ya can do it, that’s it. Ride it.” Joel encourages. “So fuckin’ beautiful when ya take my cock like this, darlin’. God damn."

He just keeps coming at you; powering and thundering through you, without any hesitation in letting up anytime soon. He’s a powerhouse of sweat and grunts, breathing like he’s dying; small, quick rasps and wheezes gurgle in the back of his throat.

You find your pace, pressing palms into his broad chest and letting your hips bounce, and it feels so damn good as the curve of his cock rubs in all the sweet spots deep inside.

You reach down and stroke your clit, groaning at the feel of it tingling wildly under your fingertips.

“Stroke that pretty clit for me,” Joel croons, hammering up into you.

You stroke and rub the sticky nub, and then bring your digits up towards your mouth, sucking and teasing your lips with your fingers, and he watches enthralled.

“Suck those fingers, darlin’.” Joel hisses. “Tell me how good ya taste.”

“So good,” you smirk. You push your fingers to his lips, and he sucks them too.

"Yeah, ya do. Taste so fuckin' good."

You feel his thumb circle over your clit bringing you closer and closer with each swish of his pad against it.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes. YES!” You pant, as he grips around your waist tighter.

“Ya want me to fill ya up, hmm?”

“I want all of you, Joel.” You whine, desperate for him.

“That’s it, grind on my cock. Just like that.” He coos; his lip caught between his teeth as he cranks you around, holding onto your hips.

Your head flops onto his shoulder, your hand gripping onto the other as your lower half powers through.

“Mmm, Joel... please!” You groan, feeling your body tighten and clench again.

“Ya close again, baby?” He wheezes in your ear. "Gonna come for me?"

“Mhm… so close.”

“Come all over my cock.” He encourages. “Soak it, I want it all.”

“Oh God!” You whine.

“So damn good, fuck,” he grunts as you move around and around, your back tensing. He rubs it fondly with his big hands. “Right there, that’s it. Oh fuck, that’s so sweet, darlin’.” He groans. “M’gonna come so deep inside of ya.”

You cry out; your body shuddering and trembling on top of him, and you feel him tense and grunt out on a long, satisfied sigh.

You come, your head expanding and your body floating; your cunt clenching around him as you milk him completely dry. Tingles flood your body, your back arches and you can see the sun burning behind your eyes again.

Unable to think or say anything, Joel kisses you; silencing you before you have the chance to ruin this moment by shrinking back or wrapping yourself back up and hiding your body away from him.

For one millisecond, he’s weak; just a sweaty mess of bewildered man meat beneath you. Joel loses himself inside the holistic spiral of your irises for a moment, unable to get out or find his way through the maze of them.

And part of him wants to stay lost in them forever.

He trembles as he rocks slowly, feeling himself empty and deflate with a final grunt of your name, and his shoulders sag in unison into the mattress.

You wrap your arms around him and finally collapse upon him and lay there for a few minutes, listening to nothing but his heartbeat thrumming in your ears, eventually slowing its pace back to its normal rhythm.

Joel looks down at you as you run your fingers across his scalp and it makes him shiver; goosebumps travelling down his spine at breakneck speeds.

You stop winding the curls, shifting and resting your head up against his as you catch your breath.

He holds you, kissing you gently over your eyelashes and cheeks.

“Ya more fuckin’ beautiful to me than you’ve ever been, ya know that?” He murmurs into your face.

"They made 'em neater than I thought they'd be." He says.

You feel his knuckles sweep over your chest gently, unafraid to touch you at all, and you feel like a weight as been lifted as he does it.

You watch as he traces the ridge of the scars delicately.

"Yeah." You nod. You lift your arm up so he can see them run into your pit.

"Do ya feel much pain still? I didn't hurt ya, did I?"

You smile and shake your head. "No. It's just mostly numb. Just feels different. I'm really happy that I could feel something when you kissed me. Even if it was in my armpit," you chuckle.

"Ya still fuckin' beautiful," he smiles, and kisses inside your armpit.

You smile bashfully, headbutting his chin gently as you try not to let the tears water your eyes.

“Look at me, darlin’.” His fingers tip your chin up to him. Thumbs smearing away any tears. “I mean it. You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known. Fuckin’ balls on ya are bigger than mine.”

“I don’t know about that,” you say, reaching down to cup and stroke the soft swell of his between your fingers.

He groans, biting on his lip before his mouth finds yours again. "Ya tryin' to kill me?" He slips his tongue inside and tastes you all over again, his hands slipping down your back and groping your ass. “Ya so fuckin' sexy."

"You think so?" You smile.

"Oh, I know so. Ya always have been. Don't hide from me anymore, okay?"

"Okay." You breathe.

"Want ya sleepin' naked next to me again." He thinks for a moment. "Why don't I take ya out to dinner tonight? Anywhere ya want. If ya feelin' up for it?"

"You taking me out on a date, hmm?"

"Yeah. I am. Maybe put one of them nice dresses ya got on. I'll put on that shirt ya like. The green plaid one. Spruce myself up for ya."

"That's my favourite." You agree.

"Ya deserve to feel good, darlin'. Wanna take ya out. Show the world how fuckin' lucky I am."

You smile into his face. "What did I do to deserve you, Mr Miller?"

He kisses you again. Soft lips brushing against yours. "M’gonna keep loving ya. You n’ ya stupid butt face. Ya hear me, Mrs Miller?”

You nod, chuckling, safe in his arms; a place where you can feel safe and heal, and begin to feel like yourself again.

“I hear you.” You smile, as he pelts your face with swamping kisses in the warm sunlit bedroom. "I love you."

He smiles and he's never looked more beautiful.

“I love ya too, butt face.” Joel hums, as he crushes you to his chest and never lets you go.

I really hope you enjoyed reading this story with Joel, and welcome your comments/thoughts. I'd appreciate a re-blog if you liked it so others can find it on their dash to read and enjoy too - thank you very much! 🖤

BODIES MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

JOEL MILLER MASTERLIST

427 notes · View notes

aaakikoo · 9 months

Text

Low effort scenarios with my favorite fictional man. Bakugou.

an -> low effort is what I do best lmao, I hope you enjoy this. I have alresdy done these with more effort put in them 😭 I’ll list some below.

here and here.

another an -> requests currently open, or if you want to send ideas, thirsts or suggestions feel free to do that too. Comments and rblogs r appreciated!

paring -> k.Bakugou x f!reader

warnings -> language, idk tell me if there is any other.

———

1. NOT SHARING HIS RAMEN WITH YOU

“Babe please just one bite” you said as the blond was slurping on his noodles. “Fuck off, get your own.”

“You made the last pack! I am not heading to the store for a packet of noodles!” You said in defense but he didn’t seem to care as he continued chewing.

“Babe please!” You held him by the shoulders as you whined further. “I said no.” He said taking another bite.

“Fine.” You huffed and sat your ass back down on the couch. after Bakugou had finished slurping and munching on his noodles he came and sat with you on the couch.

At first you didn’t pay him any mind until he made a mistake and placed his arm around your waist.

You quickly slapped his arm away. “I’m mad at you.” You said leaving the living room and heading to your shared bedroom.

On your way you heard him scoff but you didn’t care.

A few minutes later he came in to apologize but it wasn’t successful.

“Why do I have to apologize after eating something I ate, and paid for? Do I have to share everything with you.” He asked in annoyance.

“Well you could’ve gave me one singular bite!” You said in defense and he scoffed and left the room annoyed at your behavior.

About half an hour later he came in, this time you didn’t bother to look at him. He didn’t say anything either, he came in and picked you off of the bed.

“W-what? Hey, what are you doing??” You asked surprised, no answer. “Put me down!” Still no answer.

He walked downstairs and headed to the kitchen placing you on one of the island chairs.

“What are-“ you words were swallowed up as you saw what was in front of you.

“Stop being mad at me now okay?”

He had bought you more noodles, made them for you, cut you fresh vegetables to have with, seasoned it, and put chopsticks on the side for you to eat.

You didn’t replay, only offering him a little hidden smile as you began munching.

The man still sat across from you on the island. “Thank you. Best boyfriend ever.”

“Huge mood swing.”

2. BUYING FOR YOU

It was a Sunday afternoon and you were both chilling on the couch.

Tomorrow was your day off so you were in a good mood, scrolling on whatever expensive brands site, checking out their latest drops and most hottest items.

Also Bakugou told you he will be taking you out after his shift, by 7pm. So you were trying to see if you could make a steal for the date.

Currently, Bakugou’s eyes were glued on the tv and your eyes were glued on your phone.

The guy in the show Bakugou is watching had made a pretty funny joke and Bakugou looked down at you to see if you had catched that.

Instead he finds you eyeing a dark red pair of high pump heels. He saw you like it and add it to your list and he thought that was it.

He continued watching the series like nothing happened and you closed your phone and now focusing on the tv.

The next day you woke up to an empty bed like always when it is your day off, currently 9am and you headed down to make yourself breakfast.

After you had eaten you clean up a bit and chatted with your friends for a little. Until the doorbell rang and there was a mailman, delivering you a package and asking for your autograph.

You had told him that you didn’t purchase anything but he kept on insisting that this was the right address.

You took a look on the address and it was correct then you saw that it was bought with your boyfriends name. So you gave the mailman your autograph.

After you closed and locked your door you took the box into the living room. Wondering what your boyfriend could’ve possibly purchased. He always asks for your opinion before he purchases anything.

Curiosity got the best out of you and you opened the brown box, the box revealing another box inside. A more expensive looking one. Matt black box with golden letters from the expensive brand you were looking at earlier.

You opened the black box, now this time the box revealed a white stretchy bag, you opened the box and your jaw dropped at the sight.

The dark red pumps you were looking at yesterday. Before you could properly make up your thoughts your boyfriend messaged you.

[ wear em today ]

Is all he sent to you, you wondered how he knew that you had gotten them, then you remembered he gets a notification when a package is delivered.

Your heart was filled with warmth.

By 17:30 you started getting ready, quick shower, blowing your hair, picking your outfit. A long black silky dress and gold jewelry everywhere from your ears, wrists to your neck and fingers. Elegant makeup and your hair out up in a golden butterfly claw clip. Along with of course the new heels.

By 18:50 you received a text. Which meant to head outside. And so you did.

When you stepped outside you were met with your boyfriend dressed in black suit pants and a white dress shirt with a dark red tie to match his eyes and your new bought heels.

He greeted you with a hug and a kiss on your temple. “Thank you.” You said and pecked his lips.

“Nothing but the best for you.”

609 notes · View notes

annie115 · 21 days

Text

All of me for you (CL16)

Summary: They came from two completely different worlds, but their hearts spoke the same language.

A/n: This is probably the darkest shit I´ve ever written, but don´t worry it ends well :) It´s also sooooo long sorry for that but I really enjoyed writing it!! Before you start reading, please read the warnings!!! If you feel uncomfortable with any of those, please don’t read.

Let me know what you think!

Also, Charlotte´s kind of a bitch here so don’t forget this is completely fictional!!! Also English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes

TW: 18+, mentions of smut, mentions of physical abuse, mentions of drug abuse (not reader), mentions of death (Charles dad), using of y/n

Word count: 7,700

Masterlist

She´s been working for Ferrari since the start of the season. It was her one shot, her one opportunity to get out of the life her parents had given to her.

She grew up in one of the most dangerous districts of Frankfurt, Germany. A place where nobody had a future, a place where no child had even the hope of dreaming for a better life. Her mother got pregnant from one of her customers, one who couldn’t care less about the twins she gave birth to. Her mother could’ve never afforded any kind of birth control, so she had to trust in condoms. It usually worked, besides this one time. As you know, one time can be enough.

She gave birth to a boy and a girl, both as pretty as could be. Big, green eyes and black hair, faces with visible bone structures. They became inseparable, not moving from each other’s sides. She was always the tough one, the one who made her name count on the streets she grew up on. She was just a girl, but nobody dared to mess up with her. She had everything under control, worked two jobs to be able to afford at least food and the rent for the apartment they shared with their mother. Well, that was when she grew older. Her childhood was nothing to speak of. No child should grow up on the street, begging for money or food. No mother should ask her five year old daughter to go to the bank district, just to ask some business men for money. But we won´t speak of that.

Every child in Germany had to go school, so she and her brother did as well. They got in trouble regularly but managed to graduate somehow after the tenth grade. She was smart, always good in speaking different languages. German, English and Italian were easy for her. Her brother spoke a bit of English, mostly German.

When she turned 15, she got her first job. Waiting in a restaurant wasn’t the best job for a teenage girl, but she needed the money and the tips were amazing. It was the first time in her life where she managed to have enough money, she was even able to afford some new clothes and make up.

When she turned 16, her brother made new friends. She immediately knew that they weren’t good for him, but he wouldn’t listen. It started with weed, smoked in the dark corners of the ghetto. It continued with pills, mushrooms, sometimes acid, until he tried heroin for the first time. Heroin is never a one time thing. It escalated quickly and before he was able to steal y/n´s money, she rather gave it to him. She tried to get him away from the drugs, she really did. Methadone therapy, real therapy, nothing helped because he simply couldn’t get out of his friends group. He relapsed every time. He got weaker from time to time, the drugs destroying his mind and his body. She got used to buy the drugs for him, to keep them for him and to give them to him when he wasn’t in the state to do it. It quickly turned out that one job could never be enough to cover the costs of her brother´s drug abuse, the rent and food, so she got a second job. Her boss in the little Italian restaurant she used to work in, offered her to work in his second location also, just on the weekends. So she did. From Monday to Friday, she would work in the restaurant, Saturday and Sunday were reserved for her working at the bar.

Life seemed to get a little better when she met him, Oliver. Her first real boyfriend. He was a little bit older than her, black hair, beautiful ice-blue eyes. Italian. She met him at work, he made her fall in love quickly. He promised her the stars from the sky, walked her home, bought her presents, was the most caring boyfriend you could imagine. That was until he wanted more. Sex was always a difficult topic for y/n, simply because of her mother. Y/n never wanted to be used just for sex, she wanted it to be with somebody who truly loved her. Something inside of her told her, that Oliver wasn’t the right guy. So she declined, every time he asked or made a move. But he was manipulative, managed to get her to do it. He invited her to his place, roses and candles everywhere and she started to think that it would be good. That it would be the way she always imagined it to be. He started gently. Kissing her, caressing her, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Their first time was good, y/n was glad that she did it and that he was so gentle. The second time, was different. He wanted to be more in charge, having control over her body. She wasn’t a big fan of this, but didn’t protest. He was on top of her, buried deep inside of her when he lit a cigarette. She frowned, asking him not to smoke while they were having sex. He scoffed, telling her to shut up which she didn’t do. “You want me to put it out?” he asked with a dirty grin and she nodded. So he put it out.

The marks will never leave the spot just below her hip. They don’t hurt anymore, it´s too long ago, but they will always be there, remind her of him. She never told anybody, broke up with Oliver and was surprised when he didn´t have anything against it. Her brother noticed that something had changed, sometimes having clear moments when he was in between injections. It was when she got out the shower, her pyjama pants too low on her waist when he saw the marks for the first time. Y/n didn’t want to know what he did to Oliver, the only thing she knew was that she didn’t have to worry about him anymore.

So she grew older, living in the same apartment as before with her brother and her mother, who they barely saw at all. She was working all night and sleeping all day, drinking in the meantime. Everybody knew her name in the ghetto, everybody knew who her brother was and she was somewhat in charge. She hated this life, but she loved her brother and would’ve done anything to protect him, as far as she could.

When she turned 21, her boss, the owner of the Italian restaurant, offered her a job. One of his friends was the head chef of the Scuderia Ferrari Hospitality and they were looking for a new waitress on the trackside. Y/n couldn’t believe it. This was her chance. But still, she had to say no. She couldn’t leave her brother alone, she was all he had left. But her brother disagreed. The second she told him about the job offer, he did everything to convince her to take the job. Luckily, he had found two guys in the city who he could trust, making it easier for y/n to leave. This was her opportunity for a better life and she had to take it.

So here she was. Working all over the world, for the best racing team ever. She made friends within her first week at work and she especially grew closer to some of the drivers, due to their age. Y/n was one of the younger workers on the team and the drivers liked to be with her. She was funny, always had an open ear for everybody and seemed to have everything under control, all the time. Everybody noticed that she was extraordinary pretty, but all of them agreed on one thing: they couldn’t quite get what it was about her. She was an open book when it came to her opinions and thoughts but she would never share personal experiences. Hell, nobody knew exactly where she came from, which y/n enjoyed a lot. She could be somebody in the world of Formula One, nobody knew her story and her flaws, it was a brand new start for her and she wouldn’t waste it. One driver had his eyes on her, specifically. Charles Leclerc, driver for Scuderia Ferrari.

Y/n knew how beautiful the driver was, even before she started to work for the team. When she got to know him, she noticed that he was also humble, funny, charming and his heart was made of gold. Unfortunately, he had a girlfriend. A beautiful girlfriend, who wasn’t very fond of the idea of Charles and y/n being friends. But they couldn’t help it. The connection the two of them had grew deep and none of them was able to understand why. They laughed together, over the most basic things in the world. They could always count on each other and they would stick together through thick and thin. They soon started to call each other best friends. Charles promised Charlotte, his girlfriend, that nothing has ever happened between him and y/n, and he said the truth. Y/n would never start something with a guy who´s taken, Charles could never cheat on his girlfriend, even when sometimes, his heart pounded for someone else..

It was Sunday, race day, almost 10pm. The race was long over, nobody being left in the paddock but a few workers. Charles was still there also, sitting in the big red motorhome. “Charlotte, please I need to talk to someone, I feel like a loser right now”, he said with a trembling voice, then sighed. “No, I understand. Have fun with your girls, bye”, he said before he hung up. He was sitting on the big red couch, letting the tears fall down on his face when he let out his emotions. This day has been a day to forget. He DNF´d after 6 laps in the race. It wasn’t his fault, just engine failure. Still, he needed to win this race. For him. He sobbed, not noticing that someone entered the room.

Y/n wanted to lock up all the rooms before going back to the hotel, when she noticed light coming from one of the rooms. She went in, to see her best friend sitting on the couch, crying. “Charlie”, she gasped and headed over to him, wrapping her arms around his body to pull him close. “Hey, what´s going on?” Of course she knew that he dnf´d, but he usually wouldn’t cry because of that. “I wanted to make him proud”, Charles sobbed, pressing his head against her shoulder. “Shh”, y/n cooed, pressing a kiss on his head. “He died five years ago from today and what did I earn since then? Nothing”, he rambled and y/n put his face in her hands to force him to look at her. “Charles, I want you to listen to me now”, she started. “Your father is the proudest man ever. You´ve achieved so much, driving for Ferrari, winning for Ferrari. Maybe not today, but you did win and you will continue winning. And it´s not only about your achievements in racing, is it? You are the most beautiful human being I have ever met. Your father can be so, so proud of who you´ve become.” She wiped a tear from his face, happy that no tears followed, before she went on. “I don’t know where your father is right now, but he and Jules are watching you every second, and they will tell anybody what a beautiful man you are, I know it”, she said and smiled at him, caressing his cheek with her thumb. “Do you really think so?” he asked and she nodded quickly. “I´ve never been more sure about anything”, she answered and he leaned his head against hers. “Let´s get out of here, have you eaten?” she asked and he shook his head. She stood up and reached out her hand for him to grab it. „Pizza and Harry Potter?“ she asked and his eyes glowed when he nodded.

„Why is it that your hotel rooms are always way more comfortable than mine?“ Charles asked and finished his last piece of pizza. „I actually have no idea what you mean. You always get the suites which are way nicer than my tiny rooms“, y/n answered and chuckled. „Mhm, I guess it’s just because of your company then“, he said and turned to look at her.

They were laying on their stomachs, head facing the TV on the wall. She laughed and didn’t look at him, knowing that she would lose herself in his blue-green eyes. She had this feelings for him for quite a while now, butterflies flying around in her stomach whenever he was around, a deep desire to explore his lips with hers whenever he opened his mouth. But she couldn’t. Not because he didn’t return her feelings, actually she was pretty sure that he felt the same way. But he had a girlfriend. She didn’t know why he didn’t break up with her but it was for the best. She wasn’t the right girl for him. Charlotte was. She grew up in a health family, never had to face hunger or drug problems. Ferrari‘s golden boy and some broke ass waitress from the ghetto? No way this would work out. She got pulled out of her thoughts when he talked again.

„Thank you, y/n“, he whispered and she smiled. „Anytime, Charlie“, she returned and noticed that he didn’t stop looking at her. „Why is it that you‘re always there for me while my girlfriend is out drinking with her friends?“ he asked and y/n sighed. She didn’t have an answer. She didn’t understand Charlotte, didn’t like her much also. Still, she wasn’t the one to talk bad about one’s girlfriend. „I don’t know Charles, but I’ll try to always be there, I promise“, she answered and tried to focus on the movie again. Not for long, though. He placed two fingers on her cheek and turned her face so she would look at him. Their eyes locked immediately and green met blue. For a second her eyes flickered to his lips, who were slightly parted. She licked over her own, unconsciously, but it was enough for him to go crazy. He leaned forward, his lips striping hers softly. Almost cautiously, as if she could disappear any second. Her lips started moving against his, but they knew it was wrong. They pulled back, already out of breath. „I should go“, Charles stated without opening his eyes, y/n just nodded.

They didn’t talk about it, ever, but Charlotte seemed to notice that something has changed in y/n´s and Charles relationship. They were still hanging out often, but not as much as before. At first she was happy, thinking that maybe they had a fight and weren’t friends anymore but she quickly realized that it was something else. She has never liked y/n, never liked how she always managed to get everyone’s attention. She didn’t know that this was the last thing y/n wanted. Charlotte got crazy over how less she knew about that girl who slowly stole her boyfriend, she didn’t know that Charles basically didn’t know anything, either.

“I´m just wondering why you spend so much of your time with somebody you barely know!” she yelled, hands over her head while Charles was standing in front of the mirror, styling his hair. “Charlotte, I know y/n better than anybody. She´s always there for me and I just enjoy being around her, as a friend.” Charlotte scoffed. “Always there for you. Are you still mad at me because I wasn’t there the other night? You knew that I was in Monaco with friends!” He sighed and turned to her, satisfied with his hair. “I had one of the worst days and you weren’t there. I don’t blame you for not being by my side, I blame you because you couldn’t even listen to me on the phone. We talked about that a hundred times now, I´m tired of discussing it again”, he stated. “Now, come on. The others are probably waiting already”, he said and the two of them made their way to the hotel lobby to meet the others before they had dinner together.

Charlotte was strolling through the garage during the first practice session, when the head hospitality coordinator headed towards her. “Charlotte! You´re a friend of y/n, aren’t you?” she asked and Charlotte nodded slowly, not sure what to answer to that. She didn’t have much time to think about it, since the woman in front of her just continued speaking. “Great! Listen, I really need y/n to sign those papers for her contract renewal, but I can´t find her anywhere and I really have to be somewhere! Could you give those to her? I can trust you with that right?” she asked, again not leaving her enough time to answer. She handed her a big envelope and rushed away. Charlotte frowned, but realized what she held in her hands. If this was y/n´s contract renewal, everything was inside right? Where she came from, maybe even family situations, what she did before, everything. She had to hide a mischievous grin before she walked away to Charles motorhome, knowing that she would be unbothered for at least half an hour.

She didn’t find out everything, but everything she needed to know. After searching her address on the internet she found out that y/n came from one of the worst areas in Germany. She had to put in an emergency contact and chose her mother, because who else could she have chose instead? Charlotte found out where her mother worked and also that y/n had contact with the police quite a few times. Nothing serious, since Ferrari would’ve never hired her otherwise, but serious enough so that y/n wouldn’t want anybody to find out. She also googled y/n´s full name and found out that she has a twin brother, who was involved in various drug crimes in the past few years. She found enough to make sure that y/n wouldn’t be a problem between her and Charles anymore.

“Y/n, do you have a moment?” Charlotte asked while y/n was pouring herself some coffee, since she was on her break. “Sure”, she mumbled and frowned not knowing what Charlotte possibly wanted from her. “Your boss wanted me to give you these”, Charlotte said and handed her the envelope. “Oh, thank you”, she said and frowned again. Before she could say anything, Charlotte headed away.

It was the evening after the race when everything escalated. Charles and Charlotte, Carlos and Rebecca, Max and Kelly and y/n were sitting in Max´s suite, just having some chats and drinks. They were talking about nothing really, when Charlotte turned the attention to y/n. “Oh my god, y/n I wanted to ask you how´s your brother?” Y/n froze and looked at her. “What? Why what happened to your brother?” Charles asked. He knew that you had a brother but nothing more. Without stopping to look at Charlotte, y/n answered. “Nothing important, really. He´s better”, she stated knowing that Charlotte wouldn’t stop now. “Really? Did he get therapy or something? I couldn’t imagine having a junkie as a brother, this must be so hard. Also that you had to deal with it for so many years and even had trouble with the police.. you´re very strong”. Her words dripped from sarcasm and y/n had to focus not to lose control. Of course she read everything that was in the envelope. She should’ve known. “Wait what´s going on? Charlotte why do you know all these things?” Charles asked. “Charlotte, stop. Now”, y/n said with a tone that gave everybody goosebumps. Charlotte swallowed, knowing that she didn’t want to mess with y/n, but she had a plan and she had to stick to it. “What do you mean? I thought she told you everything about her. Also about her mother and all that”, she continued and y/n pinched her thigh, hoping that this was all a bad dream.

She couldn’t look at Charles, knowing that she would see the betrayal in his eyes. Not only did she not say anything to him about her family, she lied to him. She told him that her mother was working in a grocery store and her brother was studying at the university to become a teacher. She told him that her dad was working in the bank district of Frankfurt, which may have been true, she didn’t know. “Y/n?” Charles asked but y/n looked at Charlotte. “I think couldn’t live with the fact that my mother was a prostitute”, she said as if she didn’t destroy y/n´s life. Nobody said a word, the whole situation extremely uncomfortable for everybody around. Charles stared at y/n, waiting for her to look at him to tell him that it wasn’t true. That she didn’t lie to him all this time.

She couldn’t. She stood up, grabbed her phone and left the room. She never had problems with conflicts, but she couldn’t look Charles in his beautiful blue eyes right now. She made her way to her room, tears blurring her vision. She didn’t know why she wanted to cry. Out of anger? Out of sadness? Probably everything at once. She knew that this was it. Even if Charlotte hasn’t told her boss everything she knew, even if she wasn’t fired, how could she ever talk to one of the guys again? Charles would never forgive her, she knew that. He hated nothing more than lying, he told her that within the first week after they´ve met. Also, Charlotte would tell anybody. If she stayed, everybody would know her situation by the end of next week. Her reputation would have a bad influence on Ferrari, and they would fire her eventually.

She grabbed her suitcase and threw everything in, not caring about any kind of organization. A heavy knock on her door stopped her from continuing. She wiped the tears from her face as best as she could before she opened the door. Charles stormed in, furious. “I can´t believe she would say things like that? She´s so fucking jealous that she started to spread lies and rumours about you, who does she think she is?!” he yelled but stopped and frowned when he saw the suitcase. “What are you doing?” he whispered and looked at her. “Leaving”, she stated and he widened his eyes. “Why would you leave? I break up with her y/n, I swear. How could I be with someone who´s capable of doing such things?” he asked and y/n finally looked at him, laying all of her honesty in her eyes. She didn’t have to say anything. Charles parted his lips. “It´s true”, he whispered. “She didn’t lie”, he stated and y/n looked down. “She didn’t lie, but you did”, he said and suddenly his eyes weren’t shining anymore. “You lied to me, all this time”, he repeated and y/n swallowed hard before the tears started to stain her face again. “Charles, I couldn’t tell you. I just wanted a fresh start, I-“ “Don´t. You lied to me. I don’t care why.” “Charles-“ “Goodbye, y/n. If that´s even your real name”, he said and stormed out, leaving y/n sobbing and crying on the floor.

Charles didn’t speak to Charlotte before he followed y/n. She went back to their shared room in the meantime, satisfied with how it all worked out. Her happiness lasted for about ten minutes, until Charles came back. He didn’t say anything when he came in, just grabbing Charlotte´s bag. “Charles- what are you doing?” she asked with wide eyes. “You´ll leave. I don´t want you here”, he said and threw some of her stuff inside her bag. “Excuse me? Stop it! You can´t just throw me out where am I supposed to go?” she yelled. “I don’t fucking care. Get a room and let them put it on my credit card I don’t care. Just get out of my sight”, he spat and she scoffed. “What did she tell you, huh? Did she tell you that I lied? Believe me Charles-“ “She didn’t tell me that you lied. I know that you said the truth. But what kind of person does that? In front of so many other people? You exposed her to her friends instead of just talking to me in private.” Charlotte scoffed again. “She lied to you and still managed to make me the bad guy?” “No. You´re both bad. I don’t want to see any of you, so get out of my fucking room!” he yelled and she startled, grabbing her bad which was know almost completely packed. “We´re over, if that wasn’t clear”, he said before he slammed the door shut behind her.

It didn’t take long for y/n to fall into old patterns. Working in the little Italian restaurant, buying drugs for her brother who almost didn’t notice that she was back, saving her drunk mother from sleeping next to the toilet in the bathroom. It almost felt like her time at Ferrari was nothing but a fever dream. Lando texted her, sometimes, asking her if she needed anything. She barely replied. She appreciated it for sure, but it was better for anybody if she stayed out of their business. She decided, or persuaded herself, that it was better like this. She wasn’t the right person to be with Charles and she would’ve never been. Still, she missed him, every second of the day. She kept their little kiss in her heart, nobody could take it away from her. She realized how much she loved him, not only as her best friend. But still, it was better this way.

Charles didn’t think so. He was angry, furious even for a few days. But then it hit him like a train. How much he missed her, how much she had changed his mood every day, what big of an impact she had on his mood. Since she was gone, his laughs were less frequent. Suddenly he didn’t know who he could talk to, didn’t know who to turn to after a bad qualifying, a bad race or simply after a bad day. He missed her stupid jokes, the way she wore her hair in a braided ponytail, the way she never missed to look stunning and mysterious. Now he knew what was so mysterious about her. He missed how she gave him a feeling of safety, even if he didn’t need it. He missed how she fell asleep sometimes when they had a movie night, the ultimate proof for him for how much she trusted him. However, he tried to ignore his feelings. She lied to him and obviously had way bigger issues than he could’ve ever known. Charles had to hold back his tears when the hospitality coordinator asked him what happened to y/n and he had to explain that she left. He was angry at y/n for bringing him in situations like that. But fuck, as soon as he was alone in his hotel room he couldn’t stop thinking about her. He had to see her again, even if it was just for one time. He wanted to tell her how much she hurt him, he wanted to kiss her goodbye and beg her to come with him- what? No, that wasn’t what he wanted. He hated her, right? Didn’t miss her. At. All.

He dialled her number multiple times, never had the guts to actually call her.

In September he had to go to Germany for a karting event, at Hockenheim Ring. The track was about an hour away from Frankfurt and Charles heart beat faster just by the thought of being so close to her. What would his heart do if they were standing in front of each other? Well, he was about to find out because without wasting a second thought about it, he rented an old Volkswagen and made his way to Frankfurt. He had no idea what her address was, but he figured that he could just ask for the ghetto, right? Worst case would be that he would have to actually call her. The reason he rented a car like this was that he didn’t need fans or paparazzi to follow him. Whatever place he was heading to, it wasn’t a place for him to be. It also wasn’t a place for y/n to be.

He reached the city centre of Frankfurt and opened his phone to google where this area was located. He only had to type in “Frankfurt Ghetto” and it came up immediately. He switched to Google Maps and followed the GPS until he noticed that the landscape changed. Instead of modern buildings and people wearing business clothes, this place was full of big, old, ugly towers. Garbage cans and bags were laying everywhere, barely any plants or trees to see. People in sweatpants and dirty clothes were standing in every corner, watching him as he drove by. Charles made sure that his car was locked from the inside. He swallowed when he passed a big building with neon lights, knowing what was inside. He was wondering if that was the place where her mother worked. He swallowed and tried to stay calm. Suddenly, he couldn’t go any further. He was standing in front of two big building with parking lots on his left side. The only way was to the left or back to where he came from. He decided to stay in the car for a while and looked around. A few people were around, without paying attention to him luckily. A young man was sitting on the stairs of one building, fidgeting with his leather bracelets. Suddenly, the man looked up and Charles gasped. He looked like her. Same face, same hair, same bone structure. He was very thin, as if the wind could blew him over and he was wearing black shorts and a ripped black t shirt with a lot of stains.

Charles breathed out heavily and got out of the car. He knew that it was insane what he was doing. He knew that this guy was an addict, what if he was dangerous? Maybe he would rob him. But he was probably his only chance to find her.

He took a few steps towards the man who already looked at him. He didn’t stand up when Charles stood in front of him. “I know who you are”, he stated and Charles tried to control his breath. “You´re the driver y/n likes so much”, he said and Charles heart skipped a beat. “You´re her brother, right?” he dared to ask and the man nodded. Unexpectedly, he held out his hand. “Nico”, he said and Charles was unsure what to do. Eventually, he took his hand and shook it for a second before taken it back. “Charles”, he answered and sat down next to him. “What are you doing here?” Nico asked and Charles kicked a little pebble stone away from the stairs. “I wanted to see her. I miss her”, he answered truthfully. “She thinks you hate her”, Nico said and a painful ache went through Charles body. “I could never hate her”, he whispered. “Me neither. She´s an angel”, Nico said and Charles gave him a light smile. “Are you going to take her with you?” Nico asked and Charles shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know if she wants to come back.” “Of course she does. Even if she says she doesn’t. Since she came back she didn’t speak much, but when she did than it was only about you”, Nico said.

Charles wondered how much he could give on his words. Was he on drugs right now? Probably. If not, he wouldn’t be able to speak normal like this, right? Or was he? Charles didn’t know, he never had contact with a drug addict. “She has to go with you. She can´t stay here. She´s too good for this place”, Nico said and his voice started to slur a little. Charles frowned, realizing that he should end this conversation. “Nico, do you know where y/n is?” he asked. “She should be here soon, she had to work today”, he answered and looked at the stairs. “I should go”, he said and stood up immediately. Charles looked up to him. “Please don’t hurt my sister. She´s everything I have. I wouldn’t want her to go, but she has to. Don’t let her stay here”, he whispered and run away. Charles frowned and wondered what kind of guy Nico would be today, if he had never started taking drugs.

Y/n had already seen him when Charles turned his head. She was only a few metres away from him, staring at him as if he was a ghost. Charles stood up, quickly and wiped the dust off his pants. Neither of them said a word, before he was standing right in front of her. All the anger, all the hate was blown away as he saw her. Her long, black hair was falling over her shoulders. She was wearing high waisted jeans, as always, and a short white top. Her white sneakers were dirty. She looked beautiful. “Am I dreaming?” she whispered and Charles shook his head. “You still owe me an explanation”, he said and she clenched her jaw a little. “Not here”, she stated.

Only fifteen minutes later they were sitting around a small table in a café. Y/n didn’t know what to say, although she knew what he wanted to hear. “I talked to your brother”, Charles said and she looked at him. “Don´t worry. It was a nice conversation, actually.” “What did he say to you?” she asked and played with the handle of her cup of tea. “That I should take you with me again, because you miss me”, Charles said and couldn’t hide a little smirk. A smile flitted across her lips. “I thought you´d hate me”, she whispered and looked back at the table. “I tried”. “Couldn’t”, he added. “Y/n, I want to hear the truth from you. Everything.” And y/n told him everything.

From her childhood, her mother, her unknown father. She told him about her time at school and how Nico got in contact with drugs. How she always had to be responsible for her family. She told him about her ex-boyfriend who hurt her so much, she didn’t tell him what he did in detail. Maybe that was something for another time.

She told him about the nights she had to stay in jail, because she got caught buying drugs for her brother and how she managed to change the story a little for Ferrari, so that she would still get the job.

She told him about her jobs and how happy she was when she got the job at Ferrari. She told him that she was so happy when she met him that she didn’t want to ruin anything by telling him the truth. She told him how happy she was that she could finally start over. Nobody knew about her past or about her brother and nobody feared her the way they do in the ghetto.

“I know that I lied to you. I regret it now, knowing that I could’ve trust you with it. But I was so scared, Charles. I never had someone like you in my life, I couldn’t risk losing you. I know that I was selfish, and I can´t ask for you to forgive me. But I want you to know that I´m sorry.” Y/n swallowed the lump in her throat after telling him everything. She got nervous when he didn’t answer right away. “I do forgive you, y/n”, he whispered and she finally looked at him again. “Yes you hurt me, yes you lied to me but now I understand why you did all these things. I think I wouldn’t have acted differently in your situation. Of course I could never imagine being in your situation, but I forgive you”, he said and y/n couldn’t stop the sob from leaving her mouth. Tears were running down her face and she immediately wrapped her arms around him, afraid that this was all a dream and he would disappear again.

After a few minutes, she tried to calm down and let go of him. “I should go back”, she said. “Have to look after my brother”. Charles nodded and grabbed his keys before he drove them back to her place. The sun already started to set and Charles knew that he had to convince her soon. He wanted her to come with him and he wouldn’t leave her again. Not here. She got out of the car and headed towards her brother, who was sitting on the stairs again. “Everything alright?” she asked and Nico nodded, looking at Charles who stood behind her. “I will go upstairs. Leave you two alone.” Before he left he whispered something in y/n´s ear, so that Charles couldn’t hear.

Y/n turned to Charles. “Where are you staying?” she asked and he shrugged his shoulders. “I´ll get a hotel in the city. You can choose”. Y/n frowned. “Why would I choose?” “Because you´re coming with me. You didn’t think I´ll leave you here, right?”

She took a step towards him. “Charlie, you have no idea how glad I am that you forgave me. But what I did is unacceptable. I just left, without saying a word. Ferrari will never give me my job back. I hate it, I really do, but this is where I belong. I messed up everything and I deserve to be here”. “No you don’t. And you didn’t mess up anything. Yes, you should’ve said the truth from the beginning, but you did a fantastic job at Ferrari. And the only thing you lied about was where you´re coming from. You´re personality, your humour and your whole being was real. Charlotte was the one who messed it up. You´re right, maybe Ferrari won´t let you work for them but you could at least apologize and ask, right? And if they don’t take you, maybe another team will. Or I´ll hire you as my assistant or something.” He took another step towards her so that their noses almost touched. “I´ll do anything. Just come with me.” Y/n sighed. “I´m not leaving without you, y/n”, he whispered and she closed her eyes for a second. She cupped his face with her hands and pulled him into a kiss. Their lips touched for a few seconds, before she let go of him. She loved him. She loved him so much that it hurt. But was he really so foolish to love her back?

“I know that you worry about your brother, but he told me that-“ “I´m coming with you, Charles”, she interrupted him. “He just told me that he will never talk to me again if I wouldn’t go with you”.

After packing her things and saying goodbye to her brother, y/n and Charles were looking for a hotel. After checking in, y/n immediately took a shower as long as possible. She washed her hair, her body and shaved, she felt like a new human being afterwards. She changed into a short pyjama, shorts high enough to cover the marks on her hip. They didn’t even talk about sharing a bed, they just knew that they wouldn’t leave each other´s sides.

They were laying next to each other, the room was completely dark but the moon managed to bring in some light through the curtains. Y/n was snuggled at Charles side, listening to the sound of his beating heart. “Y/n?” Charles asked. There was one question he always wanted to ask her. He wanted to ask her when she didn’t want to show herself in a bathing suit at the hotel´s pool in Spain. The second time was when she screamed at him to leave the room because she wanted to change, even though she just wanted to change into sweatpants. He wanted to know everything. “Hmm?” she hummed and drew little circles on his chest.

“Why are you always covering your hip?” he asked and she gulped. “You will know it soon enough”, she answered and he was somewhat satisfied with that answer. The last thing he wanted was to pick a fight. “I want to kiss you again”, he whispered and she lifted her head to look at him. She rolled herself on top of him and started to kiss his jawline before stopping right over his lips. With a quick look of reassurance, he pressed his lips on hers. She moaned by the feeling of his soft lips, craving it for such a long time. He ran his tongue over her lower lip and she opened her mouth a little, to let him in. His hands were on her hips and he groaned when she squeezed his biceps a little. He quickly turned her around, so that he laid on top of her.

She hesitated and stopped kissing him, clearly feeling unwell with not being in control. Charles pressed his lips on the side of her neck. “We can stop whenever you want. But you don´t have to be in control all the time”, he whispered and spread little kisses from her neck to her jawline. He lifted his head and looked at her, her eyes fixating on him. “Do you trust me?” he asked and she quickly nodded. “100 percent”, she answered and he smiled. “You say the word and I stop”, he reassured her and started to spread kisses down her body. Y/n was already going crazy by his touch, she didn’t have sex since what happened with her ex-boyfriend. She thought she would never trust anybody with her body again, but she felt safe with Charles. She knew that he would never do something she didn’t want. So she let it happen.

She let him kiss her clothed breast, let him slid his hands under her shirt to caress them. He kissed her stomach but made no attempts to take off her pants. Instead, he pressed his lips on her inner thigh, kissing his way all the way down to her ankle just to go back up.

He grabbed the hem of her shorts, looking up to her. She nodded, slowly, closing her eyes as she felt him pulling down her shorts. He pressed a kiss on her thigh, then the other one. He kissed the left side of her hip and made his way over her belly button, before he reached the scarred spot. Three little round marks were there and Charles closed his eyes for a few seconds. “Did he do this to you?” he asked and looked at her. She only nodded again. “Did Nico take care of him?” he asked and felt relieved when she nodded once more. Carefully, he striped his lips over her skin. He felt the uneven surface of where the marks are and she gasped a little. He pushed himself up and hovered over her. “You´re beautiful, do you know that?” he asked. “Nothing could ever change that”. He didn’t wait for her reply, knowing that he wouldn’t get one.

He started pressing against on her body again, more demanding this time. He kissed her marks again before he got lower. She breathed heavily, waiting for him to finally touch her where she needed him most. Not wanting to tease her, he pressed his lips on her core. She gasped and bended her neck which made him smile.

His tongue found all the right places. He ate her out as if he was starving and he was in a way. He had to wait too long for this, imagined how she would taste like too often. Y/n was overwhelmed by the feeling, knowing that she wouldn’t last long. She grabbed his hair and moaned, never wanting this moment to stop. “Char-“ she gasped when her high washed over her, releasing her from the pressure. He hummed and licked over her now sensitive clit a couple more times before he pushed himself up to her again. Her taste and her sounds caused his cock to be painfully hard, but he didn’t want to rush things. “We don’t have to go further tonight”, he said and gave her a quick kiss. She shook her head, eagerly. There was no way she´d stop now. “Want all of you tonight, Charlie”, she whispered and he groaned, kissing her neck again. “I don´t have a condom, mon amour”, he mumbled and she forced him to look at her. “I´m on birth control. And I trust you”, she said.

Since she got her first period, birth control was the most important thing for y/n. Bad things happened in the ghetto and even though luckily nothing like this ever happened to her, she knew what happened to her mother. To avoid being in the same situation, she saved all her money to get an IUD.

Charles was quick with getting rid of his pants, lining himself up over her entrance. “Please”, she gasped and he slid inside her, overwhelmed by the feeling of her. “God, y/n”, he moaned and moved slowly, needing to get used to her tightness. “Faster”, she moaned after a few thrusts and he picked up his pace. “You´re making me crazy”, he moaned and slid one arm under her back to have her in a better grip. “Fuck, Charles”, she moaned loudly and he hissed, knowing that he wouldn’t last long tonight.

He felt her walls clenching around him after some time and when her orgasm gripped him tightly inside of her, he got pushed over the edge. With a few sloppy thrusts he finished inside of her, breathing heavily as he leaned his head against hers. Never had he experienced sex this intense. “Fuck, y/n”, he gasped.

She wanted him to say it. He wanted to say it. They´ve waited too long, had to hide their feelings for too long and he couldn’t wait much longer. But what if it was too early? What if she wasn’t ready for saying it too? Would it matter? Every single one of Charles thoughts got washed away when she opened her mouth. “Say it”, she whispered and he groaned. His hand found its way to her cheek, his heart pounding fast inside his chest. “Je t´aime, y/n”, he whispered and she breathed in heavily, afraid that her heart would jump out of her chest. “I love you too, Charles”.

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc imagine #formula one imagine #ferrari #cl16 #cl16 imagine #cl16 x reader #charles leclerc x reader #formula 1

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tc-doherty · 3 months

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TC's Practical Writing Tips

Like I said before, I'm not gonna sit here and pretend that I can teach anyone how to write – that's a level of hubris even I'm not capable of –but in honor of my rapidly approaching ~quarter century of writing original fiction anniversary~, I did figure I would share the tips that I live by when it comes to the act of writing.

So without further ado:

Write it now, fix it later

2. It is always permissible – and usually enjoyable – to write the stupidest possible version

3. "Inspiration" is great for poets, but poison for people who write prose

3.1: if you want to write often, you need to write often, and then you will find that you don't need to be "inspired" because you will have made a habit of it and it will come naturally 3.2: even one sentence a day is still one sentence a day. And even one sentence a week is still one sentence a week. It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop 3.3: believing in the concept that you need to be inspired to write will trap you into believing in the concept of writer's block 3.4: if you are having difficulty getting out words that satisfy you, lower your standards and keep writing (see point one)

4. A few months down the line you will not remember which words came easily and which words did not

5. It is always permissible to set a project aside for now, or forever, if you need a break

6. Read widely and often, both in your favorite genres and outside of them

6.1: pay special attention to both things that you love and things that you hate - study them, engage with them, learn what makes yourself tick and your writing can only get stronger

7. Never write for the lowest common denominator, via wise words I once heard: "if you open the window and make love to the world, your story will get pneumonia", have an audience in mind and the people who like what you write will find it

8. Never write for the bad faith critic, those people will always exist and you will need to deal with them at some point if you put your writing in the world, but they don't matter and you cannot live in fear of them

9. It's fine and normal to want engagement and praise, however you must find a way to make the act of writing joyful in and of itself – make the praise the cherry on top, not the entire sunday

9.1: writing is hard work, and it's a lot of work, if you lose the ability to enjoy the journey and are proceeding only for external rewards from others, you will gradually write less and less if the ratio of work to rewards is unsatisfying

10. For anything other than final copy editing, always write a new draft into a new document, or else the words you have already written will trap you from being able to make large, sweeping changes

10.1: any change you make will invariably snowball, and you must give space for that snowball to roll

11. If someone tells you that something doesn't work for them, believe them, because people know what they like. But if people try to tell you what to do to fix it, take that with an entire serving of salt because you are the author, not them

12. It is always morally correct to look at a critique that you received, even if you asked for opinions via beta reading, and decide that it's bullshit and doesn't apply to you

13. "write what you know" means "write what you're interested in"

14. "Show don't tell" applies to screenwriting, not novels. This is the thing that drives me the most insane every time I see it. Novels are words on a page, not images on a screen. They require a lot of telling. Not all telling, but a lot of telling. Become comfortable with that.

15. It is always, ALWAYS acceptable to use "said", do not listen to the lies of others

16. Have fun, do it out of love and you will never go astray

17. Become comfortable with who you are. Your work is always going to be yours and it is always going to sound like you wrote it, and this is a good thing! No one else is ever going to write exactly like you, and you should be proud of that

17.1: the concept of "originality" is vastly overrated, every culture has some version of Cinderella and we still love it. Your writing is yours because you wrote it, and it will always be unique because of that

#writeblr #writing #long post #writing tips #writing advice

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mykneeshurt · 1 year

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Envy

Shout out (again lmao) to @ave661 for the artwork (I’m sorry I tag you so much lmao)

Possessive Keegan x F!reader

Inspired by Bad Omens - Death of Peace of Mind

Not proofread because I’m legit so tired lmao I could have done more to this but my brain isn’t working x

Warnings - 18+, minors DNI, possessive and jealous themes, p in v, unprotected sex, goes without saying but it’s the internet ini, this is fiction. This is not a healthy relationship.

•

The buzz of the bar hummed around you, strangers going about their business, wrapped up in their own little worlds. You sipped at your drink as you watched life unfold before you. Couples sharing intimate conversations, friends sharing stories, laughter. That’s when you noticed a pair of silvery blue eyes watching you from across the bar.

Keegan.

More specifically your ex-boyfriend Keegan.

Absolutely not wanting to get into it you finished your drink and made your way out of the bar. You could feel his eyes bore into you as you took your leave. Watching. Waiting.

It was an early autumn evening. Still warm but with a noticeable chill now in the air. Pulling out your phone your text your best friend, informing them that you’d seen Keegan at the bar and that you were making your way home. Going for a drink on your own wasn’t unusual for you. You did it quite often in fact, happy in your own company, watching the world go by. It gave you time to decompress, to think.

The taxi rank was about a 15 minute walk away, the streets weren’t too crowded, it being a Sunday after all. Everyone at home too full to move after their roast dinner. Various alley ways lined the streets, the first golden crisp leaves began to fall, the breeze encapsulated you in its warm embrace.

It was perfection. Your favourite season.

You allowed your mind to drift, forgetting all about seeing your ex-boyfriend. Entranced within your own world. And that’s when he pounced.

A firm broad body slams into you, pushing you full force into one of the alleyways. Before a shriek could even fall from your mouth a large hand muffled your mouth. Effectively silencing you. Your body hit the red brick wall with a dull thud. Dazed you eventually focused on your assailant, eyes widening as you were met with Keegans face.

His ashen eyes stared into your very soul, your essence. Your brows knitted together confused as you relaxed into his form. He’d never laid a hand on you, if anything he was sickly sweet, worshipping the ground you walked on. But he had a jealous side, one that he had managed to hide well. But the mask slipped, as it always did. He became possessive, envious of every interaction you had. He didn’t control or coerce you in anyway, but he’d always let you know what he was thinking. He wanted you all to himself. That’s when you ended it.

And by the looks he wasn’t getting over you any time soon.

Slowly he removed his hand, allowing your short sharp breaths to echo in the cramped alley. ‘Keegan?’ Your eyes fluttered around his features, trying to make sense of this … situation. ‘Hi sweetheart’ he drawled, his voice thick like caramel. Still breathless you whispered ‘what are you doing?’ He watched as your chest rose and fell, your lungs fighting against the adrenaline pumping through you.

He tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear as he caressed your cheek. ‘Just missed you is all. Saw you across the bar n needed to tell you.’ Scrunching your nose you scoffed ‘then just tell me like a normal person? Instead of pinning me in an alley way. Christ Keegan.’

‘Fuck, I love it when you’re angry.’ His eyes fell to your lips, watching as the corner of your mouth twitched.

Dropping his head he nuzzled into your neck, as he slipped his knee between your thighs. Slightly pushing your dress up against your skin. ‘Keegan’ you warned, your tone sharp and commanding. But that’s when he trailed his tongue from your neck to your earlobe, nipping at it gently. ‘Fuck you smell so good sweetheart’ you felt his voice rumble through his chest and onto yours. Your breath hitched in your throat as he pulled at your hip, his 6’1 frame towering over you.

‘Keegan …’ it was less of a warning and more of a plead, your breathless voice seeped into his skin spurring him on. ‘Missed the way you say my name sweetheart’ his grip on your hip tightened. Causing you inadvertently roll your hips into him, arching your back off the brick wall.

You brushed your cheek against his, his sharp jaw cut against your skin as you melted into him. With his other hand he snaked it up your body, along your neck and into your hair. Twisting it in his grasp. A surprised moan fell from you lips as he nipped your collarbone.

Peering over his shoulder you tried to scope out the street, to see if any passers by had clocked you. The street appeared empty, the off leaf tumbling by the entry way, the sky gradually darkening with every minute.

Giving in slightly you placed your hands on his arms, squeezing them gently. Heavy breaths fell in between the two of you. Nipping at your jaw he finally placed his lips on to yours, going against your better judgement you reciprocated the kiss. Lips dancing in unison as he swiped his tongue against yours. Sighing deeper into the kiss you tangled your fingers in his jet black hair, eliciting a hiss from him.

He placed his hand at the small of your back pulling you further into him. Breaking the kiss he trailed kissed from your lips to your neck again, knowing it was your sensitive spot. Using his free hand he cupped your jaw, dragging his thumb along your lips. You nipped and sucked on it gently, muffling the guttural moans from your chest. Thrusting his knee upwards closer to your cunt it grazed your swollen clit.

You jerked your hips, desperate to relieve the mounting pressure. Feeling you grind against his thigh he cupped your pussy, feeling how wet you were through your lace panties. ‘Always knew I could still make you wet baby, you want me to fill this cunt? Just like I used to? … hmmm?’ You knew this was so wrong, you ended it for a reason, but he always knew how to work your body. How to make you come undone with a mere touch.

‘Yes … fuck, yes’ you muttered.

With that he swept your panties to the side and plunged two fingers into your weeping cunt. Not giving you any time to adjust to his fingers he began pumping them in and out of you. Clenching onto the back of his neck you buried your face into his shoulder, biting at his muscular form. The sound of the wet pussy echoed in the alleyway as you desperately tried to stifle your moans. ‘Such a pretty little cunt. All those pretty sounds just for me. Only me’ his voice was possessive and deep.

You could feel his erection pressing against your thigh, he was thick, it honestly surprised you every time. Dropping your hand you began rubbing his cock over his jeans, causing him to buck his hips slightly. With small gentle motions he began to circle your clit, adding to the pressure that was building in your core. He felt you clench against his fingers, ‘give it to me baby, wanna feel you cum … c’mon’ he cooed, his voice soft but demanding.

He kept his rhythm going, his moans melted into your ears as you rubbed his cock. He felt you clench tighter, throwing your head back your jaw fell slack as you started into to pant. Feeling yourself pass through the veil into an ocean of euphoria you clenched your eyes shut. Your hips writhed and jerked on his hand as his fingers remained inside you.

Tugging as his belt he soon got the message, removing his fingers he placed them on his tongue. Eyes rolling back into his head at your taste, a taste he missed to fervently. Yanking down his jeans and boxers his thick cock flung free. Wasting no time he hooked your thigh around his waist and pushed into you. Both gasping at the change in sensation as your walls hugged his cock. The evening air nipping at your exposed cores.

He placed his forehead against yours, biting his lip as he whimpered. Noses bumping together as he thrust into you, making up for lost time. ‘Missed the way you fuck, the way you taste’ he whispered against your lips. A grin broke out across your lips as you whined into him, reigniting a kiss. It was sloppy, messy and driven by his intense possessiveness of you. But fuck did he know how to work you, how to break you.

You muttered a string of nonsensical phrases under your breath as you savoured the feeling of him again. He stretched out your walls as the tip of his cock kissed your cervix, his fingertips clenched onto your thigh like a vice. Trying to steady himself but to pull you closer, despite there being no more room. Your arms draped around his neck, nails digging into his flesh as you let the intense pleasure consume you.

Feeling your oncoming orgasm grow deep with you, he gripped your jaw forcing you to look at him. ‘Fuck sweetheart, that’s it, cum on my cock’ he said drawling every last letter, every last syllable. You mouth fell open as heat rose against your skin, dropping a hand to your clit to push you past the edge. He quickly slapped a hand over your mouth as you came, stifling your moans, muffling his name. The vibrations of your sounds shattered through him, as he came seconds later. He bit down on his lip, hard. Quietly whimpering as he watched your blown out pupils search his face, for what he wasn’t sure.

He pulled out slowly, but not before pushing his cum back into your cunt. You jolted at the sudden intrusion before smirking to yourself. He kissed you again, but this time it was slower, tender. As he pulled away he ran his thumb across your lips ‘you’ll always be mine.’

————

Taglist - @taurus-ted @luminousbeings-crudematter

‘The way you fuck the way you taste’ I didn’t make this up, this is from the song. God bless you Noah Sebastiann

#keegan russ smut #keegan x reader #keegan cod #keegan p russ #cod keegan #keegan russ x you #keegan russ #cod ghosts

1K notes · View notes

lvis44 · 9 months

Text

Sweet Escape - Epilogue // LH44

Lewis Hamilton x Y/N

Warnings: Smut 18+ MINORS DNI, Alcohol Consumption, Swearing, Light Angst, Not Edited

Word Count: 9.4k+

Summary: Paradise is supposed to be fun and relaxing... a Sweet Escape, but when unspoken feelings and jealousy rise to the surface, everything can be turned upside down in the blink of an eye.

Notes: Alas, here is the long awaited Epilogue. Thank you everyone for being patient with me, this became a bit of its own story and I had to stop myself from continuing (read my note at the end and let me know your opinions, I won't ask here as to not spoil anything.) I have loved writing this and I can't wait to continue this little journey with all of you wonderful babes. Thank you so much for all the love on this story, I'm glad you all seem to love it as much as I do!

I am not a professional writer and all of this is a work of fiction and is strictly for fun. Enjoy! xxx

Previous Sections: Prologue - Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight

Colorado was one of your favorite places to be with Lewis, especially when it was just the two of you. You spent so much of your relationship flying around the world and stealing moments to be alone together. It could be difficult at times, especially race weekends. Lewis had a tendency to become a different version of himself from the first step into the paddock on Thursday to the second he left on Sunday evening, there was a hard shell around him most of the time, determined and focused. It was never a bad thing, simply something to navigate. He always found ways to make sure you knew how grateful for you he was, even in the simplest ways. When you would both arrive in Colorado, tucked away in the mountains, every guard he had built would come down, it’s when you got the utmost access to the love of your life. That's why you were shocked when he had sent you your travel plans for the week. You had talked with him multiple times about meeting him in Colorado for his time off, spending time just the two of you after too long being apart. Without consulting you he had changed your plans, scheduling another family trip, another trip to the Caribbean. You hadn’t been back to the island since the beginning of your relationship, almost exactly a year ago. Your anniversary would be coming up in the next week and you wanted to spend it with him, however life and work got in the way, forcing you to be apart from him for an already two week stretch. That is why Colorado had been the perfect plan, just the two of you only a few days after your anniversary, now you would be with all your friends in a place you had many mixed emotions about. You understood that he didn’t have the same opportunities to see everyone, rarely being in town for parties and dinners, but selfishly you truly didn’t want to share him.

The second you received the surprise email with your travel itinerary you were on the phone. It only rang once before he picked up.

“Hey baby, I’ve only got a second. What's up?” He sounded out of breath through the line and you wondered if you had interrupted his training, not that you cared at the moment.

“We’re going to the island?” You got straight to the point.

“Yeah, I mean I bought the house, we might as well use it.” He chuckled, ignoring the fact that your plans had been drastically changed.

“I know that, but I thought we had plans.” Your voice came out whinier than you had meant it to, unable to hide your disappointment.

“Yeah, shit, I’m sorry babe. I meant to talk to you about it but Charlotte and Miles were on my ass about another family trip and I just scheduled everything for the next second I had off.” He tried to reason, not helping your disappointment. It was strange for him to not consult you about plans he was making, more often than not he would check in with you more than necessary.

“I know you want to see everybody but I wanted to spend time with you, celebrate our anniversary together.” You knew you were fighting a losing battle, everything was set in stone and he wouldn't disappoint your friends.

“We’ll still be together sweetie, we’ll have more than enough time to celebrate our anniversary, I promise.” His words were soft and you could tell he was trying to end the conversation. There was no point in continuing the argument.

“I know, I know, I just miss you.” You conceded.

“I miss you too, more than you know, but in just over a week I’m all yours. Gonna give you the biggest fucking hug.” He sighed, also feeling the effects of not being together.

‘You’re not going to be all mine, that's the problem’ you thought to yourself, deciding not to say anything, it wouldn’t help the situation in any way.

Before you could respond he was already saying his goodbyes, “I gotta go, m’sorry, but I’ll call you later and I’ll see you soon. I love you sweetheart.”

“I love you Lew.” You said solemnly, wishing for just a few more moments with him, even if over the phone.

…

The next week and a half dragged on for what felt like a year, communication from him was slim, even on your anniversary. He had messaged you a picture of the two of you from a few months ago, it was a selfie taken in some random hotel overseas, you were pressed up against him with your face in his neck, a massive smile across both of your faces. His message had been simple and cheeky “Thank you for giving me a chance and putting up with me for a whole ass year, I love you more than I could ever let you know xx.” When you messaged him back it had gone unanswered. You couldn’t understand what was going on with him, his lack of communication was incredibly out of character and it was starting to irritate you.

By the time that you arrived at the large vacation house, your mood was sour. Your flight was long and lonely, your friends flying out at different times and from different places. When you arrived everyone was already there. You were irritated with Lewis and his lack of communication and care for the wrench in your plans. Seeing the house again as you pulled into the driveway brought very mixed emotions, on one hand it was the place you finally found the love of your life, on the other it was the place where you spent a week fighting with your best friend and thinking that you had lost him. When you stepped out of the car, Lewis was already there waiting for you, a big smile on his face and open arms ready for you.

“Well hello there pretty lady.” He said, engulfing you in a hug before you even had the chance to close the car door.

It was hard to stay mad at him as he wrapped himself around you, his embrace feeling like coming home. He buried his face into your neck as he squeezed you so hard you thought you were going to burst.

“Hi.” You answered softly, taking in his familiar scent.

When he finally pulled away he didn’t go far, his large palms coming up to cradle your cheeks. His smile was so big it looked like his face would split in two.

“God I fucking missed you.” He sighed before pulling you in for a heavy kiss. It was like he was trying to pour every kiss you would have received in the last few weeks into one.

You're not sure how long you stood there kissing him, enjoying being with your partner after way too long. It wasn’t until you heard a gagging sound from behind you that you pulled away from him.

“Jesus, I’m all for you two being in love and shit but damn, I don’t need to see all that.” Miles complained from behind you while grabbing your bags.

“Oh fuck off, I haven’t seen my girl in two weeks, I’ve got shit to make up for.” Lewis laughed, his hand coming down to firmly grab your ass.

“Two weeks? I ain’t seen you in two months, where the hell is my kiss?” Miles continued in a jokingly distraught voice.

“Come and get it.” Lewis teased him, puckering his lips like a child, still not letting go of you.

“I’d rather kiss a frog,” Miles deadpanned, “now let go of Y/N so I can give her a hug.”

Lewis very reluctantly parted from you, not going far as Miles wrapped his broad frame around you, squeezing you tight with a kiss to your head that made you giggle. The second Miles let you go, Lewis was already grabbing your hand, lacing his fingers with yours and giving it a squeeze. When you turned to look at him he was already staring at you, a soft smile on his face and a look in his eyes you couldn’t quite place. You gave him a questioning look but all he did was shake his head and lean down to peck your lips quickly before ushering you into the house after Miles.

‘Well look who’s finally here!” Charlotte's voice came through the kitchen loudly the moment she saw you.

It only took a few seconds before you were wrapped in yet another tight hug, as if you hadn’t seen her only a week ago. You two had gotten lunch shortly after Lewis had changed your plans, and while you didn’t want to complain to her, you did try to get any information possible as to why Lewis had been acting so strange. She hadn’t said much, simply brushing it off by saying he must be busier than usual, but you could tell she knew something else and it had been eating away at you.

After saying your hellos to everyone you found a moment to quietly excuse yourself from the kitchen, heading down the hall to the room Lewis had stayed in last time, the room you had ended up moving into the night you finally got together. When you got to the doorway you paused, seeing unfamiliar luggage in the room. You had traveled with Lewis enough at this point to pick his luggage out from the most packed carousel in the world, and his was nowhere to be seen, neither was yours. As you stood there confused, a pair of strong arms came around your waist, pulling you back against a firm, warm body. You turned in his arms, his chocolate brown eyes coming into view.

“Sorry, I forgot to mention we’re not staying in here, Miles and his girlfriend are.” Lewis said softly.

You had met Miles’ girlfriend a few times now and you had to say she was one of the sweetest people he could have ever found. You were very happy for him but at this moment you were slightly irked at that concept.

“Not to sound like a bitch, but really?” You said with a huff, making Lewis chuckle.

“Babe, it’ll-” He started but you cut him off.

“No, Lew, I mean, it’s your house and we’re supposed to be celebrating our anniversary. I don’t even want to be here, I wanted to be in Colorado with you and just you but I didn’t want to sound ungrateful or anything. I know you don’t get to see everybody all that often but I feel like you don’t even care that it’s our first anniversary together, it seems like it’s an after thought for you, if it’s even a thought at all.” You rambled your emotions to him quietly, not wanting to offend anyone.

Lewis frowned, his brows furrowed in concern, “Hun, I absolutely care, and I’m sorry for changing our plans like that,” He paused, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, “but if you’d let me show you something I think you might change your mind about being here, just a little bit.”

You let out a sigh, shrugging, still not fully feeling like your anniversary was a priority to him.

“Hey, look at me, we’re going to have an incredible anniversary week together, in the place we first admitted we were in love with each other. There’s a part of the property I didn’t get to show you last time we were here, come with me and then you can decide if you still hate the idea of celebrating here.” He didn’t wait for an answer, grabbing your hands and urging you to follow him.

“Are we gonna see you two again tonight?” Charlotte called out teasingly as Lewis pulled you through the back doors.

“Maybe, maybe not, don’t count on it.” Lewis yelled back over his shoulder with a laugh.

You gave him another questioning look but he just told you to hurry up and pulled you quicker behind him. He took you to the forest, near the path you’d always taken down to the beach but this time veered off on a different small path that you had never really noticed the last time you were here. You were now walking next to him, his hand firmly grasping yours as you started to see a trail of sparkling lights illuminating the small path as the sun was going down.

“Watch your step love, there’s a few steps down right here.” Lewis’ voice pulled you out of the trance you had fallen into while admiring the pretty lights.

He held your hand while you took the few steps down before he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you under his arm, making your walk slightly clumsy.

“I know you would rather we were in Colorado, just the two of us, and I’m sorry, I really am. I wasn’t thinking when I booked this trip in all honesty, and I know that sounds bad, Charlotte yelled at me as soon as she saw the dates. Just, I wasn’t really thinking about the fact that it was our anniversary, it doesn’t feel like it could possibly be our one year because I feel like we’ve been together forever. So I know I fucked up, but I’ve also had this plan for bringing you back here for quite a while and I’ll be honest when Miles mentioned coming here for vacation I jumped on the opportunity, I needed to. And I know this isn’t exactly what you envisioned or what I promised and I’m sorry for that but I was hoping that maybe this could be our little sanctuary, make us forget that anyone else even exists.” Lewis’ apology is sweet but leaves you with more questions, wanting to know what his need to be back here so badly was.

You round the corner with him, walking out onto a part of the beach you hadn’t seen before, nestled into an alcove you hadn’t previously explored. That's when you see a small bridge, leading to the most beautiful bungalow sitting atop the water. You gasp, seeing it lit up with beautiful lights, making it sparkle.

“It’s technically supposed to be the guest house,” Lewis begins quietly, “but I figured it could be our little vacation from the group vacation. Somewhere it can be just us.”

You turn toward him, your eyes glassy, “It’s beautiful Lew, thank you.” You lean up to press your lips against his softly.

“Another bonus is you can be as loud as you want down here.” He whispers cheekily against your lips, pecking them once more.

“Lewis!” You laugh, swatting at his chest as you blush.

He catches your wrist with a big smile, pressing a kiss to your pulse point before grabbing your hand and pulling you along down to the bungalow.

“God, do we have to hike it all the way back up there to get our luggage?” You groan, realizing you have nothing with you.

“Nope,” Lewis laughs, “Miles decided to be helpful and already lugged it all down here, I unfortunately owe him.”

When he opened the door, you found yourself speechless. There was a small kitchen directly through the front door, nothing fancy but enough that you would never have to leave if you didn’t want to. As you walked past the kitchen and down the short hallway the room opened up. There was a bathroom with a large shower and a large soaker tub to your right and a lush king size bed to your left. Large windows lined the whole left side of the bungalow, a small seating area just below them. Straight ahead of you were large sliding doors that Lewis was already moving to open, once he did, the whole front wall was open.

“There’s a screen we can shut if it gets too buggy but I want you to see it like this first.” Lewis explained, already knowing you would be worried about strange bugs in your bed.

He outstretched his hand to you once again, pulling you out onto the patio. What you were met with amazed you even more than the inside. There was a hot tub off to the side, already bubbling away, more sparkling fairy lights lining the pergola that covered part of the patio. There were two large chaise lounges overlooking the endless view of the sea. He was already guiding you down another small set of stairs where you were met with a small infinity pool, just beside the pool was an outdoor shower. You spotted another set of steps that appeared to go off directly into the sea.

“Babe, it’s-” You were at a loss for words as you turned to him, not quite knowing how to sum up how incredible everything was.

He smiled, stepping in front of you and placing his large hands on your waist, “I know it’s not exactly what you envisioned, but I do want this to be special. I’m so sorry I fucked up our first anniversary, I promise I’ll do better with every single one to come.”

“It’s not what I envisioned, and I am still annoyed you forgot our anniversary,” You tease before becoming more serious, “but Lew, this is perfect, it’s beautiful. Thank you.”

“Hey, I didn’t actually forget, it was a momentary lapse in judgment.” He playfully defends himself, pulling you closer to him.

“Whatever you say mister,” You laugh, “but I love it. I love you.”

He wastes no time in pressing his lips to yours, mumbling “I love you too, so much more than words could ever explain.”

“As much as I want to stay right here and kiss you forever, I really want to take a shower, I feel disgusting from all the flying.” You say when you finally separate from him.

“How about I run us a bath and we cuddle up and start to enjoy our belated anniversary celebrations.” He suggests, having you immediately nodding.

“Okay, you stay here and enjoy the view, I’ll come get you in a minute.” He says, squeezing your hip as he presses a kiss to your temple.

As he makes his way back up to the bungalow you settle into one of the comfy chairs overlooking the beautiful view. There’s still a slight annoyance in the back of your head at his admission of not even thinking of your anniversary when he planned this trip but you can’t help but be grateful that you will at least have him to yourself in some way this week. It may not be exactly what you had envisioned but you’re just happy that you will get to spend time with him. You understand what he was saying earlier, it doesn’t seem like it should be your one year anniversary, you truly feel like you’ve been with him forever. You practically live together, the most you possibly can with his ridiculous schedule. You’ve loved him far longer than you’ve been with him, and you’ve had the support and care of a partner from him since the day you met him. You know you’re going to be with him forever, nothing else would make sense, you could never fathom the idea of not being his now that you have him. You get lost in your thoughts as you wait for him, staring out over the beautiful ocean as you play through memories of your relationship like a highlight reel in your head. The first time he took you on a romantic getaway, the first time he introduced you as his girlfriend to his family, your first christmas together, your birthdays. Everything about him has felt like a fairytale.

“Hey baby, the bath is ready.” His soft voice startles you with its close proximity, you hadn’t even noticed him sit down on the arm of the chair next to you.

He chuckles when you jump, soothing his palm over your back, “Off in your own little world, were ya?”

“Oh shush, I was just enjoying the view.” You laugh along with him, moving to get up and follow him to the bathroom.

When you step into the bathroom you find yourself speechless yet again. The tub is up against a large window you hadn’t noticed earlier, giving you a spectacular view. He’s opened the window to let the warm breeze in, making the flames of the candles he’s placed around the room flicker in the wind. He has soft music playing and the tub is full to the brim with bubbles that smell like heaven. The lights are off except for a small light giving off hues of sunset, dimly illuminating the room. His hands are on your hips from behind, hiking up your shirt as he places soft kisses along your shoulder. He crouches down ever so slightly, kissing your spine as he pulls down your shorts and panties all at once. He places the softest of kisses to the back of your thighs before standing once more. When you turn to undress him, he’s already taken his shirt off, leaving you to push his shorts down his toned thighs, chuckling when you see he’s gone commando. He just shrugs, giving you a cheeky smirk before pulling you in to kiss him tenderly. For a moment you wonder if you will even make it to the bath as his hands roam your body, taking handfuls of the flesh that he loves to knead in his large palms. He eventually parts from you, leaving soft pecks all over your face before stepping around you and sinking down into the tub with a soft sigh. He simply stares at you for a moment, his face showing nothing but love and adoration, finally he outstretches his hand to help you in.

You lean back against his chest, reveling in the feeling of the firm muscles under his soft skin. His chin hooks over your shoulder, placing a kiss to your cheek as his arms snake around your waist to pull you in closer to him.

“Happy anniversary my love.” He whispers against your skin before he’s reaching over the edge of the tub to grab two glasses of champagne you hadn’t noticed before. He hands you one, clinking his glass against yours before rubbing his nose along your jaw up to your ear, “This has been one of the worst seasons of my career, yet one of the best years of my life, only thanks to you. You have made me happier than I ever knew possible and I hope that I have been able to reciprocate that for you. I plan on spending every day trying to make you the happiest, most loved woman on the face of this earth, because that is all that you deserve in life. You are the most remarkable human I have ever had the honor of meeting, Y/N. Thank you for letting me love you, and thank you for loving me the way that you do.”

By the end of his speech there are tears in your eyes. Looking at him you see the same glassiness mirrored in his own, knowing just how much he meant each and every word he whispered into your ear.

“I love you more than life itself Lewis, and I will never stop loving you. I’m sorry I was moody earlier, I was being petty. All I need to be happy is you, as long as you’re around, I am the happiest I can ever be. I’m already the happiest woman on earth simply because I get to say that I am loved by you, it’s truly something I don’t think I could ever explain to anyone. Thank you for all of this, it’s perfect, truly.” You tell him sincerely, your voice thick with emotion.

“Don’t apologize sweetheart, you had every reason to be annoyed with me. I hope you know it wasn’t remotely intentional, and I should have talked to you about it, even if it was after I’d made the plans. I’m sorry I’ve been a bit MIA this past week.” He further apologizes, holding your eyes with his to show just how serious he is.

You can see the remorse written across his face, never one that was good at hiding his emotions once he’s let them be seen for the first time. It’s as if once the floodgates that are Lewis’ emotions are opened to you, there is no closing it, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. He wears his heart on his sleeve.

“Have you been okay?” You ask him, adjusting in his lap so you can look at him better, bringing your hand up to stroke the short stubble at the side of his jaw.

He furrows his brows in question, “Yeah, I’ve been fine. I’ve just been really busy these last few weeks, been planning something that I need to get perfect.”

“Oh? And what exactly have you been planning Sir Hamilton?” You ask him jokingly, yet always wanting to know what he’s working on, always interested in the amazing things he does.

He looks down, averting his eyes from you, looking suddenly shy, “You’ll see when the time’s right, soon, I promise.”

“Mm’kay.” You hum out, taking a sip of your champagne before nuzzling into his chest, resting your head on his shoulder.

He just chuckles, the sound vibrating through your body, tightens his arm around you to rest his cheek on the top of your head.

“I love you, happy one year.” He whispers to you.

“I love you, happy one year.” You repeat as you grin into the skin on his neck, placing a chaste kiss there.

If anyone had asked you how you thought you would be spending your one year anniversary with the love of your life, this would have never been your answer. The two of you cuddled in the warm bath, listening to the sound of the waves crashing, hidden away from your friends in your own private Caribbean bungalow. You had expected him to make a move while you were in the tub, but he didn’t, leaving you slightly shocked but not entirely disappointed. You hadn’t seen him in nearly three weeks and you could feel him pressed against your leg, hard and begging to be touched, it was unlike the two of you to not immediately pounce on one and other the second you were alone. Yet something about the moment with him in the tub felt more intimate than sex ever could, the two of you just enjoying being in each other's arms, each other’s presence, knowing you had more than enough time to reunite later on.

“Where do you want to be in five years?” Lewis asked quietly, breaking the comfortable silence as his hand traced slow circles on your hip.

“Five years?” You asked, lifting your head to look at him.

“Yeah.” He shrugged like he was trying to play it off as a casual question, his face giving him away.

“Well,” You start, pausing to think a bit, “I want to be with you-”

“Well obviously.” He cut you off with a playful smirk.

“Hey, you didn’t let me finish.” You laugh.

“Sorry, I’m usually good about that,” He winks, “continue.”

“Idiot,” You mumble through a laugh before continuing, “I want to be happy, surrounded by people I love. I’d like to be in a different job, I think, something where I have more flexibility. I just want to be someone that me now would be proud of.”

He smiles fondly at you, evidently content with your answer.

“What about you?” You prompt him, genuinely curious.

“I think I want to be done with racing, moving on to a new chapter of my life, with you by my side obviously.” He says quietly.

“You really think you’ll be done in five years? I know you’ve mentioned it before but, do you really think so?” You ask.

“Yeah, we’ve been going over my contract a lot these last few weeks and I think my mind is finally set. I obviously want to get the eighth title, but if that doesn’t happen in the next five years, maybe it was never meant to.” He explains.

“It’s always been meant to, if anyone can it’s you Lew.” You argue.

“I don’t mean that in a way of me giving up, I’m gonna fight like hell until the last possible second. I just mean that maybe now there are more important things for me to start focusing on, other purposes out there for me where my attention and time will be more valuable.” The way he says his words sounds like he’s talking about much more than a career change and it makes your stomach flip in anticipation, imagining your future with him.

“Whatever you end up doing, I’m positive it will be incredible, everything you do is tremendous. And I will be right there supporting you the entire way.” You tell him sincerely, leaning in to press your lips to his.

The kiss is slow and savoring, it mutes everything in your head, making the world revolve around him and only him.

“The water’s starting to get a bit cold, why don’t we get out. I’ve got some ways I can warm you up.” He murmurs against your lips.

“There he is.” You laugh, pulling away.

“What do you mean?” He giggles.

“You’ve been rock hard against my leg for the last thirty minutes and haven’t made a single move on me, I was starting to get worried about you.” You tease him.

“Oh, believe me, I’m well aware of how hard I’ve been.” He playfully rolls his eyes, “I was trying to be romantic.”

“Mmmm, I see.” You hum.

“Genuinely though, I was just enjoying cuddling with you, didn’t want to ruin the moment. But I need you. Now.” His voice gets lower as he finishes his statement, picking you up and standing abruptly.

His quick movement makes water slosh over the edge of the tub, causing you to squeal. He grabs a towel, not using it to dry either of you off but throws it down on the bed before dropping you on top of it.

“You know we could have done this exactly where we were?” You laugh at him as he crowds up against you, already placing hungry kisses down your jaw.

“Maybe, yeah, but it would be a bit hard to pin you down in the tub, I don't really want to drown the woman that I love.” He chuckles against you, grabbing your wrists to bring them above your head.

This is one of the things you’ve always loved with Lewis. You can be in the middle of something so erotic and intimate, yet still be laughing and making jokes with him. He truly is your best friend in the form of a lover.

His lips are trailing down your bare skin, causing your laughter to halt and goosebumps to erupt over your whole body. He doesn’t take even a moment to tease you, immediately diving into your core, licking a hot stripe from your opening all the way to your nerves. You gasp as you arch into him, a throaty groan coming from deep inside him. He always wears you out when you’ve been apart for some time, as if he’s making up for lost time.

“Always taste so fucking good. God I missed you.” He mumbles against your heat, the sound vibrating through your body.

He works his tongue in the way only he knows how, circling your clit perfectly before sucking it into his mouth, nibbling just enough to have your toes curling. You feel one of his fingers slip into you, already soaking wet from just being so close to him. His finger curls, expertly finding the spongy spot inside of you that he knows so well.

“Fuck, Lewis, yes, right there.” You breathe out, your head tilting back into the towel underneath you.

He slips a second finger in, scissoring them to get you ready for him, before returning to a steady ‘come hither’ motion inside of you. He knows he needs you to come at least once before he finally takes you, it’s been too long and he never wants you to be uncomfortable, and he’s doing everything in his power to get you there. Fast.

“That feel good babygirl? You missed me making you feel good?” He asks, already knowing the answer from your flushed cheeks and mouth hung open.

All you can do to respond is moan and buck your hips up toward him, your ability to speak already gone from the moment he put his lips on you.

“Yeah pretty girl? You been trying to make yourself feel good while I’ve been gone?” He continues with his questions, evidently enjoying how difficult it is for you to respond as his thumb finds your clit, flicking quickly.

You nod, turning your head to the side as you let out a loud moan when a third finger slips inside of you.

“Poor baby, it doesn’t feel this good does it? Doesn’t feel as good as me inside of you, can’t make yourself cum the way I can?” He’s moved up so he’s hovering above you, his fingers still working overtime to get you to your peak.

You feel your stomach tighten at his words, knowing he’s right, and then your orgasm rips through your body, soaking his hand. He barely lets up with his movements as he works you through it, kissing your throat, your cheek, your forehead, anywhere his lips can land to work you down from your high.

“You know how I know it’s not the same?” He asks, his voice deep and filled with lust.

You hum, barely able to keep your eyes open.

“Because it’s never the same for me either. No matter how many times I wrap my hand around my cock, it will never come close to the feeling of being inside you. Nothing makes me feel the way you do, nothing will ever come close. I always need you, nothing but you.” His words are mumbled against your skin as he draws his lips up your neck before finally attaching them to your own.

You don’t know where you find the strength but you manage to wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly close as you open your mouth for him. He licks into your mouth, his tongue toying with your own as he rests most of his weight on you, something that you have grown to love. You find yourself bringing one of your hands down in between the two of you, grasping his hard cock. He groans into your mouth at the simple touch, evidently pent up from the time in the tub. You work him in slow strokes, savoring the feeling of his silky, hot skin. Your thumb swiping over his swollen tip to collect the leaking precum. He whimpers at the feeling, his head falling into the crook of your neck before he's grabbing your wrist.

“Y/N, baby, I’m gonna need you to stop or I’m gonna cum before I even get the chance to be inside of you.” His voice sounds pained as he pins your wrist up next to your head.

Within seconds he’s readjusting and you feel the fat head of his cock pressed against your opening. He stares deep into your eyes as he pushes in slowly, both of your mouths falling open in pure ecstasy at the feeling of finally being connected. It’s truly a feeling like no other, it feels like coming home after a long stressful week, it feels like falling into the comfiest bed, like being wrapped in a hug by someone you love. It completes you. His forehead falls to rest against your own as he stills inside of you, finally bottomed out.

“Please.” You whimper, bringing your legs up around his hips.

He lowers himself down onto you, bracing himself on his forearms on either side of your head, “I’ve got you baby, I know.”

Slowly he starts to pull out before thrusting back in with a certain force that quenches every need in your body. You grasp his bicep next to your head, your hand not able to reach all the way around it. He’s crowded over you, making you feel small and fragile, his strong broad frame engulfing you entirely. With every thrust he has your head spinning more and more. His eyes are trained on your face, always obsessed with seeing how you fall apart underneath him. His calculated, practiced moves make sure you will do just that. You can see the veins starting to pop out in his strong neck, using all his restraint to not cum before you, his whimpers becoming more frequent. You aren’t prepared, unaware you were so close to your orgasm, when it shoots through your body, even more violent than the first.

“Fuck, squeezing me so tight Y/N, I’m gonna-” His words are cut off with a guttural moan, his thrusts becoming sloppy before he’s spilling into you. Hot spurts of cum lacing your walls as you feel him twitch inside of you, a feeling you’ve become obsessed with.

He’s still pulsing inside of you as he relaxes down onto your body, momentarily crushing you but you welcome it, finding some semblance of strength to rub your fingers up and down his back. He peppers kisses along your neck, mumbling sweet nothings that you can’t hear through the ringing in your ears. The first thing you hear as you come back into yourself is a mumbled “I love you”. You lay there together, his weight bearing down on you as he stays deep inside of you, a frequent occurrence after time away, never ready to part from each other. Finally after some time he raises up to slip out of you, making you wince.

“I know baby, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He’s whispering, pressing light kisses to your cheek.

“I’ve really missed you these last few weeks.” You confess to him, your post orgasm brain feeling more open than usual.

“I know sweetie, I’ve missed you like crazy too. I’m sorry it was so long this time.” He says, kneeling in front of you, massaging your thighs.

You take a moment to admire him. A few of his braids have fallen from their usual bun, framing his beautiful face. The moon is shining in through the open window behind him, making him glow as though he truly is an angel placed on earth. His tattoos are dark against his tan skin, swirling black that you’ve spent hours tracing as you fall asleep or wait for him to wake up. He is your person and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Look, I know we just took a bath, but what if we hop in the shower really quick and get properly cleaned up and then I can make us a snack.” He offers, pulling at your ankle.

You just nod, letting him maneuver you up and out of the bed and into the shower. While this may not be the anniversary you had expected with him, you are more than content in this moment, just happy to be with the man that you love, and that loves you so much.

. . .

The moment you arrived back up at the main house you had been teased endlessly for not coming back up the night before. You had blushed like a highschooler but Lewis seemed proud, not having a care in the world that all of your friends were well aware how you two had spent the night.

“Ya know what? It’s our anniversary week, let us fuck in peace.” He had said pointedly at Charlotte when she had finally gotten on his nerves.

You felt bad for Miles' girlfriend, Cleo. She hadn’t spent much time with the group before, much less Lewis, and was evidently unprepared for just how little filter there was with everyone. She sat at the island with wide eyes as Lewis and Charlotte bantered about your sex life. You had shot her an apologetic smile as you tried to redirect your boyfriend onto a new topic. After that the day went smoothly. You ended up laying around the pool, everyone occasionally going for a swim or throwing around a football, just enjoying finally being away from their hectic lives.

You ended up sitting with Cleo for a little while, hoping to get to know her a little bit better. You already quite liked her, finding her to be a great fit for Miles. If she was dating your boyfriend's bestfriend you only found it fitting that you learn a little bit about her. You ended up chatting for quite some time, noticing that both Lewis and Miles would glance at you both from time to time, content smiles on their faces that their girls were getting along so well.

“Miles really likes you, ya know?’ Cleo had said, surprising you.

“I hope so, he’s one of my best friends.” You laughed.

“Well yeah,” She laughed with you, “but I mean for Lewis, if that makes sense.”

You gave her a questioning look, urging her to continue.

“He talks a lot about how glad he is that you two are together, that he’s never seen Lewis this happy.” She continued, “I don’t really know Lewis that well, I’ve only met him like twice, but from what I can see he really loves you. Nobody looks at somebody like that unless they’re head over heels.”

Her words made you blush, not expecting her to say something like that, “I really love him too.”

“I can tell.” Cleo responded with a smile.

“Alright, who’s ready to go out and get drunk?” Steph yelled from behind you, ending your conversation with Cleo.

Your mind immediately flashed back to the last time you had all been at the islands club together. You couldn’t help but wonder if Miles and Lewis would even be allowed back in. Your eyes flicked over to Lewis who was rolling his eyes and already making his way over to you.

“I’m gonna steal her if you don’t mind.” He said politely to Cleo as he was already pulling you up out of your seat.

“As much as I would love to go just to see Mariana-” You start.

“We’ll go see Mariana while we’re here, but some other time. They can all go out and get drunk, I have other plans for us tonight, if that’s okay of course.” He easily cuts you off.

You let out a sigh of relief, immediately nodding.

“Good, now I’m gonna go figure out how to let Steph down easily.” He laughs, pressing a kiss to your forehead before stepping around you and making his way over to your friend.

“Come on Lewis, it’s been forever since we all went out.” You hear Steph argue with whatever he says to her.

“First off, do you remember the last time we all went out here? Didn’t go too well. Second-” Before he can continue his rebuttal he’s being cut off by Charlotte who is shockingly on his side.

“It’s their anniversary week, tonight is very important Steph. Remember?” You can tell Charlotte is alluding to something that you are clearly out of the loop on.

You watch as Stephs eyes go wide before nodding quickly while Lewis mutters to Charlotte “Real subtle Char’.”

You look at Cleo who just shrugs her shoulders, obviously not aware of what's going on either.

Everyone eventually calms down and starts getting ready, heading inside to pregame as you and Lewis say goodnight. He is promptly pulling you back down to your private bungalow for whatever he has in store for you tonight. When you get inside, he is pulling the shades closed on the windows that overlook the beach. You give him a look, knowing it’s not for your own privacy.

“Okay, I want you to take a nice long shower or bath or get in the pool or something for a little while. I’m gonna go take care of some things and then I’ll come join you and we can get ready.” He explains vaguely.

“What exactly are you taking care of?” You question him, still rather confused.

“Don’t worry about it, you’ll see soon enough. Just trust me, alright?” He shakes his head.

“Okay weirdo. Why’d you close the blinds?” You continue to question.

He lets out a small huff as he shakes his head with a smile, “You never stop with the questions, do you? Just trust me. Off you go.” He says as he turns you around, patting your butt, making you giggle.

You decide to spend some time in the pool, hearing him leave the small bungalow as you change into a different suit. When you slip into the pool you can feel the water cooling your toasted skin. You let yourself look out at the beautiful view, taking in the sounds and the scents that envelope you as you bask in your real life fairytale. You never thought that you would have this kind of life, being in beautiful places with an even more beautiful man who loves you so unashamedly, so wholeheartedly. You let yourself day dream about your future with him, how many kids you might have one day, where the two of you will inevitably settle down, what your wedding day will be like. You stay in the pool for what feels like a solid hour, still no sign of Lewis. You end up getting out, heading to take a shower when you hear other people's voices outside. Everything inside of you wants to run over to the window and peek at what might be going on outside but you restrain yourself, not wanting to ruin whatever it is that Lewis has planned for you. You end up staying in the shower much longer than usual, just enjoying the feeling of the water cascading through your hair and down your spine. A pair of broad arms wrapping around your waist surprises you, you hadn’t even heard him come in. He giggles at your shock, pressing a sloppy kiss to your cheek. Wordlessly you step out from under the water, letting him shower, letting yourself admire him as you so frequently do before stepping out and wrapping yourself in a towel.

“Hey, I wanted some company.” He complains from under the shower head.

“If I stay in any longer I may turn into an actual prune.” You say, making him laugh

He’s much quicker with his shower than you had been. Coming into the bedroom as you stare at your suitcase.

“You know, it tends to be easier if you actually put the clothes on rather than just try to will them onto your body.” He teases you, pinching your hip.

“Well if I knew what I was getting dressed for it would be a hell of a lot easier.” You say to him, suddenly feeling stressed.

“Hey,” He says, sensing your unease, “wear whatever you're comfortable in, it’s just you and me.”

“But this seems special, I don’t want to mess it up.” You say, rummaging through your suitcase.

“It’s special because it’s us, doesn’t matter what you wear. There’s very little you could do to screw this up, I promise.” He says.

You feel a small weight lift from your shoulders when you look up to see him slipping a t-shirt over his head. Part of you wonders if he did it just to make you feel better. You give him a soft smile, finally deciding on a sundress that is the perfect combination of cute and casual.

“Ready?” He asks, his hand outstretched, waiting for yours.

“Always.” You smile, taking his hand.

As he leads you out of the bungalow you feel your breath catch in your throat. If you thought the beach was beautiful before, you’re not sure quite what word you would describe it as now. He has had the beach lined with lights and candles, torches lining their way up to a beautifully set yet simple table. You can see that there’s a meal already waiting for the two of you on the table.

“Still trust me?” He asks quietly.

You just nod, looking around at the beautiful scenery, amazed that he made all of this happen. When you finally reach the table in the sand he is pulling your chair out for you.

“Madame.” He says playfully, gesturing for you to take a seat.

You giggle as he places a kiss to your cheek, moving around to his side of the table. He grabs the corkscrew off the table, taking the bottle of wine that was already waiting for the two of you.

“I wanted tonight to be special, and I wanted to be able to surprise you somehow. Sorry I locked you away for a bit.” He chuckles toward the end.

“Ah, how dare you lock me away in literal paradise.” You tease him, making him smile.

“You like it?” He asks and you can tell he’s nervous, not meeting your eyes as he pours you both a glass of wine.

“I love it Lew, it’s beautiful, thank you.” You tell him, reaching across the table to take his hand in yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“I wasn’t sure how to exactly pull off making you dinner without you noticing so I kind of cheated and hired someone, well I actually hired Mariana, she’s quite the cook. She was upset she couldn’t come in and see you, I promised we’d come see her later this week. I did the lights though.” You can tell he’s still nervous, rambling things quickly.

“Well I have to say the lights are incredible, and I’d love to go see them.” You say with a light tone but absolutely meaning it, you feel like you're in some sort of wonderland.

He finally pulls the cover off of your meals, making your mouth immediately water, it looks incredible. Lewis has taken you on endless incredible dates, but this one has to take the cake, the effort alone making you swoon.

Once he is convinced that you are just as happy as you say you are, you can see him visibly relax. His whole demeanor shifting back to the light hearted, loving man that you know so well. Dinner carries on as usual, your conversations seamlessly going from joking banter to important life topics, the flow that you’ve always found yourself so comfortable in with him, even before you started dating. Once you’ve finished eating he’s bringing his seat closer to yours so he can wrap his arm around the back of your chair, pulling you into his warm side.

“You know last night when I asked where you wanted to be in five years?” He asks you quietly.

You hum, leaning your head against his shoulder.

“Well, I left something out of my answer.” He says, confusing you. “I know I said I wanted you by my side, obviously, but I didn’t really elaborate enough.” He’s only confused you further.

Before you can question him, he’s standing from his seat and moving his chair back. You swear your heart stops when you look at him. He’s down on one knee in front of you, reaching into his pocket.

“Lew.” You croak out, not sure what else to say.

“I know, I know that to every other person on the earth, this probably seems insane. It probably seems so fucking quick, and hell it is, but Y/N, I know what I want, and what I want is you, forever. I have loved you far longer than I’ve ever let you know and I think the same goes for you. Since the day I met you I knew that you were going to be monumental in my life somehow, I just didn’t realize exactly how or quite how much. I love you more than I have ever loved anything before, I love you in a way I didn’t know was possible, in a way I didn’t even know I was capable of.” He pauses for a moment, finally opening the small box in his hand to reveal the most beautiful ring you have ever seen in your life, “I’m not asking you to marry me tomorrow, we can still take our time, we have so much ahead of us. All I’m asking is that tonight you make me a promise, that one day you will be my wife. You’re my forever Y/N Y/L/N, let me be yours.”

There are tears streaming steadily down your face, not sure how to process everything he’s saying. You want to nod your head, you want to say yes, but you’re frozen, until those words finally slip through his lips.

“Y/N, baby, will you marry me?” His own voice catches in his throat as he asks the question, obviously nervous and overwhelmed.

“Yes,” you finally choke out, “oh my god of course, yes, fuck of course.”

Your cries are now turning into almost laughter, overjoyed and overrun with emotion.

“Yeah?” He asks, sounding as if he doesn’t truly believe what he’s hearing.

“Oh my god, yes.” You cry through your smile as he stays frozen on his knee, his face breaking into a smile. “Kiss me you idiot.” You laugh.

Within seconds his lips are on yours, pulling you up out of your chair to hold you as close as humanly possible. You can taste the salt of your combined tears as you both laugh into the kiss, giddy with excitement.

“I know it’s so quick but I feel like we’ve been together so much longer than we really have. We can wait as long as you want, there’s absolutely no rush. I just need to know that one day you’ll be my wife, and I want the world to know that too.” He rambles when he finally pulls away.

“I know, I know, of course,” you laugh, kissing him again, “now give me my ring!”

He laughs at you, fumbling with the box slightly through shaky hands before finally sliding the ring onto your finger. It fits perfectly and you can’t help but wonder if Charlotte helped him. The diamonds twinkle in the fairy lights surrounding your table as you admire the look of your engagement ring sitting on your finger.

“So do I have to wait to become Mrs. Hamilton?” You ask.

“Y/N, I would marry you tomorrow if you let me.” He says, kissing you again, your teeth clashing through your smiles.

“What were you going to do if I said no?” You ask him with a teasing tone.

“Honestly? I have no idea, but I was pretty confident you’d say yes.” He says, smirking.

“Is this why you needed to bring me back here?” You ask him, staring at your new ring.

“Yeah, it only felt right. Full circle.” He whispers, “This is also why I’ve been so awol recently. I was making last minute changes to the ring because it needed to be perfect and I was trying to plan this. I’ve been so excited and I know myself well enough to know that I would have let it slip if I was talking to you too much. I’ve never been able to lie to you.”

You can’t help but laugh at the fact that not only is that true, but the reason you had been so annoyed with him the last few weeks was actually a side effect of him planning the most beautiful, loving thing you could think of.

“Everybody knows, don’t they?” You giggle, knowing he wouldn’t have been able to keep it from at least Charlotte and Miles.

“Yeah, they’ve known for a while, longer than I’ve even had the ring.” He blushes.

“Lewis, I love you so much. Thank you, I can’t wait to marry you, I’m so glad you’re the man that will be by my side for the rest of my life.” You tell him sincerely, feeling yourself get emotional again at the thought.

“I love you too my darling, I wouldn’t dream of going through life with anyone else.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Final Note: I had to stop myself from continuing on with this and adding a time jump and their wedding day, it was so tempting. Let me know, does anyone want a one shot of their wedding day at some point? Some cute pre-wedding jitters, vows, wedding night, etc?

I hope you all enjoyed!

544 notes · View notes

starsomens · 6 months

Text

Primal

A/N: I was looking around for a prompt generator and I had found one specifically for NSFW prompts and this one prompt caught my eye and HAD to write it so please enjoy 😘. Here’s the link to the generator

Warnings: exhibitionism!, not proofread. outdoor(ish) sex, public(ish) sex, getting caught (kind of) PIV sex, unprotected (WRAP IT!),oral (female), dirty talk, marking, slight degradation, Noah x Y/N with slight x Nick Folio, kind of threesome to an extent (??), Noah is aware of it (sort of), this is a work of FICTION! proceed caution!!

Prompt: Exhibitionism. While out in the wilderness with friends, family, or a tour group, Noah and Y/N fuck in their tent, getting off on the idea that someone could possibly hear them. Bonus points for a member of their party catching them and watching them or listening to them, but not saying a thing.

The air was fresh and crisp, the scenery was gorgeous, and you could understand why so many people loved camping and hiking. There was so much peace and tranquility. Birds of all colors and sizes would fly and chirp as you pass them by. No schedules, no deadlines, no tour bus, just time to relax. That mixed friends and your boyfriend made it all better.

It was the end of the tour and you all thought having some time out together would be a great time to unwind. Noah new a hiking trail that also had some great camping spots. Noah, you, Jolly, Folio and Nick all headed there for the weekend staring from Friday and you'd leave by Sunday afternoon.

"Guys look back," you call as you snap a picture on your polaroid. You snapped a great picture of them on the trail with a view of thick trees behind them, and some genuine smiles

"Hey, Y/N where are your bags?" Jolly asked tilting his head to the side

"I got it," Noah said holding it up with a bit of a shake. Most of you things were in one big back together while yours had supplies. Soap, extra undies, the battery pack, medicine, the emergency stuff.

"He didn't let me take it for myself, even when I asked if he wanted a break and he said-"

"No, cause we're almost there" he said coming up to a small hill and at the bottom was the campsite. Luckily the park that offered them had areas that can be reserved for people, while still giving space and privacy to others who might be camping. The area was a bit higher than where the lake was and the view was gorgeous! You had gotten there early just so you could set the tents up and hopefully have a swim.

You and Noah had brought a tent to share while Jolly had set his up, Folio need some help with his. He somehow was setting it up correctly....but inside out....

Nick secured any food you brought to be sure of bears not finding it. For now it'll be in a small safe provided by the park until you were ready to eat. The sun had come to it's peak at around 2:30 pm and you were all ready to have some fun! Of course you nearly forced them all to use sunblock before even leaving the camp area. While everyone was just changing in the open! You quickly changed inside the privacy of your tent with Noah waiting outside

"hey babe," he called

"Yeah? I'm almost done!" You answered

"Oh you're fine was just gonna say I can see the shadow of your boobs" he smirks to himself, you give a small shriek and fold into a ball trying to cover yourself "Babe, babe I'm playing! You're fine" he chuckled

As you unzip the tent you groan "Noah! Can you at least help me tie the top?" you look up at him as if he now owed you the favor for pulling that stunt

"Of course princess" you turn around and hold the pieces in place while he tied it. You could see the guys getting a head start, Noah most likely telling them you’d catch up. After he was done tying up the strings he kissed the nape of your neck

“I love this one on you babe, you look great” he smiles at you as you turn to him and you peck the bottom of his chin

"Come on let's get in the water!" you take his hand and lead him to the rope that hung from the tree that leaned over the lake. Noah took the first swing and landed with a splash into the water below. You catch the rope and hold it to your chest, taking a look at the jump you'd take. The guys were in the water encouraging you to come down

"Come on Y/N, Its just a swing! You'll get down here in 5 seconds flat!" Folio tried to make it seem less intimidating.

"Come on Y/N, you live with a fucking tree, you can handle this!" Jolly calls pointing to Noah

"Just swing down Y/N, I'm right here come on!" Noah said opening his arms to you. You take in a deep breath, hold it and run off the ledge holding on to the rope and letting go just a few feet from Noah. The cool water surrounded you as you swam up to the surface, if you weren't awake before, you were now

The guy cheered and clapped for you as if you were a performing diver for the Olympics "Nice job facing your fears Y/N"

"hey I wasn't scared!" you laugh splashing Nick. Noah coming up behind you and snakes his arms around your waist. You had he was going to be romantic and hold you in the water....but you were wring. Suddenly he flips you over his head and back into the water once. again.

"NOAH! Ugh I'm get you for that!" you smack his shoulder

"Awwhhh baby I'm sowwwyyyy" he said almost mockingly

This was exactly what you all needed after tour. Just relaxation, and fun. After about an hour in the lake Folio had gotten out to start some fishing, and Nick had started on some food. You and Noah sat down under the tree. You head laid on his shoulder as his hands played with yours. Your chin rests on his shoulder as you admire his features. His beautiful skin with some freckles just underneath his eyes, his sharp jawline and beautiful nose. Those deep dark eyes you love to lose yourself in, and of course that smile. That smile was what did it for you then and still does it for you now.

“What are you looking at pretty girl?” He asked you with a smirk finally catching you

“I’m looking at a pretty boy” you answer with eyes full of love

“Is that so?” He asked twisting his body to face you more “well, can this pretty boy kiss the pretty girl?” He asked

"of course your can" you close your eyes and lose yourself in the feeling of his lips on yours. His hand cups your jaw and holds you deeper in the kiss. the leaves sing in the wind as the breeze lifts your hair. When he pulls away he pecks your nose

"Did I ever tell you, that you're gorgeous as hell?"

"I think I may have heard that once or twice" you smile feeling your cheeks burn from the blush that crept to the flesh.

He leans down to your ear "you're also the reason my pants are so tight now" you furrow your brows in confusion and when you look down you see the slight tent forming in his pants

"Noah...really? Out here? What did it for you?" you ask trying to hide your giggle

"Well you tell me," he said looking around "I'm here with my sexy girl wearing a bikini that only makes her hotter, and I'm really debating on taking you into the forest and fucking you against a tree"

You could feel yourself ache just a bit at the thought of having sex, out camping of all places! Maybe if you didn't have your friends and his band members here you would have considered it.

"Well as much as I'd love that, maybe we can tomorrow when they go on a trail hm?" he pat his chest "How's that sound?"

"We'll see baby, come on let's get some food" he said helping you up and adjusting his situation before taking your hand and walking to the food that was being cooked.

...

As the night came, you all changed out of your wet clothes and gathered by the fire. The food was amazing! Of course, you and Nick had prepped them before packing and they came out perfect for the trip. The later it got the more beautiful and clear the stars became. Noah's arm was around your shoulder as your fingers linked together. Your lay a kiss to his hand and he returns it to your head

"Ugghhh the love birds are at it again" Folio groans, teasing you both

"Don't be jealous Nick! We can find you a nice nature girl out here" Jolly shoots back

"hey! I'd sweep her off your feet for your information" he defended with a confident smile

"I'm sure you would Nick," you answer "How about we get some rest to get a good start tomorrow? I don't know about you but that food has me sleepy" you said stretching

"I'm already ahead of you" Nick said getting up and diving into his tent, ready to get some sleep. Luckily since the are is meant for camping, the floor was pretty flat and clear of twigs, roots or anything sharp. The fire was at a safe distance to keep on for the night to avoid the area getting too cold. You bid each other good night and go into you own tents. Noah shuts yours tent, with enough room for some ventilation. You had both gotten a double sleeping bag just so you didn't have to be apart, plus you still wanted cuddles.

You both climb in and snuggle into each other. Your head on his chest, and your leg was over his hip, the best and most convenient position for you both since Noah tends to sleep on his back more often then you.

"Good night princess" he squeezed you tights and kissed the center of your forehead. "I hope snakes don't crawl in here-"

"Noah! Stoooppp" he giggles and rests his chin on your head for the night

. .. ... An hour must have passed by now and you still couldn't sleep! You turned around so your back was facing your boyfriend but you couldn't get the conversation from early out of your head. The idea of you both having sex, out here, trying to keep quiet, the risk the passion. You could feel yourself getting hotter and hotter with just the thought of it. You couldn't help but rub your thighs together to get some kind of relief from the ache between your legs. You had accidentally bumped into Noah with your ass 1 or 2 times. Luckily, he hadn't booked enough or make a move to think that he may have.

At this point, you were just feeling desperate and wanted to feel release. Do you lift your head just a bit to see or hear if anyone else was awake. luckily, it seemed as if you were the only 1 for now. You cautiously call to your boyfriend to see if he was awake

You cautiously call to your boyfriend to see if he was awake "noah!" you quietly yell "are you awake?"

A few seconds passing you thought that maybe he really was asleep, but then he answered you and realized that he in fact was also awake

"of course I am with the way you're rubbing your ass against me" he whispered " If I didn't know any better, I'd say that my little slut is feeling needy" He whispered closer to your ear, feeling his hot breath against your skin. his large hand grazes over your waist and onto your stomach. finding his way under your shirt and up to your bare breast, where he gave a slight squeeze.

"mmm Noah" you whine trying to keep your noise to a minimum.

"shh shh shh, careful princess, we don't want the others to wake up do we?" he shushes you scooting closer to you until his hard cock was against your ass. His hips grind up against you, even if it wasn't direct contact it felt so good, you wanted more and you wanted him.

You flip around and your lips instantly lock in a kiss, his hand brings your leg over his hip. You grind against him finally getting sensation through the thin fabric of your shorts. He swiftly flips you on to your back and kisses along your neck, each kiss searing into your skin, your heart racing and anticipating what was to come next.

"Noah please..I need-"

"Shh princess, I gotchu" he hushed you as he sat back on his knees and pulls down your bottoms and tosses them to the side. His hands spread your knees open for him to see the wet print on the center of those cute blue panties he loves. He lifts your but on to his lap and removes the last barrier between him and your pussy. Noah had one rule when it came to sex: he always eats you out before he fucks you. With the limited space that was in here he simply lifted your hips up enough to bring his meal to him.

You bite your lip from being help at this angle. Your knees dangle over his shoulder as his breath creeps up your thigh. His eyes never leaving yours as his mouth slowly comes in contact with your wet pussy and gives a long, slow lick from bottom to top, his tongue flicking your bundle of nerves

You could feel the air from your lungs escape completely as he ate you out. His nose began nudging at your clit as his tongue worked between your fold and prodding at your entrance. While one hand kept you hoisted up in the air, the other one snakes down your body and pushes your shirt over your breasts. Your nipples exposed to the cold air, hardening at the pleasure he was giving you, and being exposed in a risky environment. His large hand massages the flesh and rolls your nipple between his fingers.

“Noah…feel s’good,” you moan “ don’t…. Please don’t stop.”

He loved when you told him not to stop, especially when you said please. His hand retreats from your breast and comes up to your pussy. His lips wrap around and suck your clit between his lips as his long digits enter you and pump in and out. His fingers curl and hit your sweetest spot making you nearly cry out waking up everyone who is there. Your hand slaps over your mouth as you try to keep quiet.

Noah, for one was enjoying the view. Had his mouth on your pussy, giving you immense pleasure while he watched your face contort in the best of ways. Feeling you pulse around his his middle and ring finger made his chest swell with pride, knowing he was the one that was making you feel good. Little did he know that there were an extra set of eyes watching from a distance.

Over in folio’s tent, the drummer, completely shocked by what he was seeing. He was woken up by some suspicious noises and set up to see what was going on. At first, he thought he may have been dreaming and it could not have possibly been what he was thinking. His tent was directly across from yours at a certain Angle getting him. Perfect access through the slightly cracked zipper of your tent. Watching his close friend and leadof their band, eating out his girlfriend in their tent. They hadn’t even noticed how far the tent was left unzipped. He knew that they left it just slightly inserted. Maybe it was the movement, maybe they opened it more? He doesn’t know the reason why he was able to see so much into their private time. Was that he could not find himself looking away Either.

All he knew was that he could feel his shorts growing tighter the longer that he watched. He knew that it was wrong, but for some reason he just couldn’t look away. he couldn’t see your face he could just see you being eaten out from the distance. His heart was pounding, trying to keep his breath at a minimum. His pants were getting tighter by the second to the point it was nearly painful, but wouldn’t be wrong to touch himself watching his two friends have sex? More thoughts were flooding into his mind. Things he would never think of before. Like what if it was him eating you out instead? Him being the one to give you pleasure, to make you moan and scream. But for now, just watching you receive pleasure was enough for him as his hands begin to lift and beyond the elastic of his shorts. He watched as Noah changed positions and had you on top.

You peel the shirt off of your body and toss it to the side as you adjust yourself to sink onto his hard dick. The sweetness of the stretch in the, fullness you felt in your lower stomach. Something about being out in a camping site, with his friends nearby, sleeping in their tents, made your body shiver in pleasure. Not necessarily to be watched, but the risk of being caught ignite something in your chest. You look down to see Noah with his eyebrows nipped together feeling the pleasure of your pussy constrict around him. You move your hips back-and-forth grinding your clit against his pubic bone as his dick stretched, and filled you, rubbing against your spot. You were seeing more than stars at this point. It was pure ecstasy, running through your body.

“Fuck princess… so tight and wet.” he whispers, obviously struggling to keep his voice down. “ do you like this? do you like when I fuck you outside, knowing there are people around? Such a little slut…but,” he comes up from his position to sit and come close your ear and whisper “ you’re my slut. My dirty little princess.” His hand, grabbed at your ass as he guides you up and down his cock. His mouth working at your collarbone, leaving bite marks, and bruises. your feet now planted on the ground as you walked back-and-forth against each other. The slight clap of skin against skin filled the quiet night air period the only other noise to be heard was the cracking of the fire. Just over your shoulder he had noticed something in the distance. Could it be possible that another pair of eyes were watching? You simply closed his eyes and came down to your nibble and began to suck and laugh at the sensitive skin.

“Yeah…right there, Noah” you pant “ So fucking good”

All of a sudden he pulls out of you, causing a wine to slip from your lips, losing the feeling of fullness and stretch. He turns you around and pushes your shoulders down onto the ground of the tent. The sliver of light that crept into your tent, making your body look celestial in the glow of the fire. He lines himself up and pushes the tip slowly before he bottoms out in one thrust into you. One reason he loved doggy was the primal feeling in his chest. Much less being out in the forest he felt like this is what you were meant to do. Find your person and marking them as yours and just fill them over and over again. Something about it just felt so natural and primal. If it weren’t for the extra people that were with you, he would have you screaming your head off.

He leans back as he watches himself pump in and out of you. Watching you take all of him, inch by inch your body arching more towards him, wanting to feel more of him. It made his cock harder and pulse each time, his large hand massaged the flesh of your ass so badly to spank you, but knowing that you would definitely wake everyone up. His body comes down until his chest molds with the arch of your back. His lips brush against the shell of your ear as he says

“ who does this pussy belong to?” he asked.

“Y-you..” you whimper out as his hips give slow short, thrust, extending, and prolonging the pleasure that you were chasing

“ say it baby,” he growls “ see how much you like being fucked and people know the only I can fuck you this good”

“I… I love it Noah” you squeal trying to keep your voice down, feeling your throat ache, wanting so badly to moan out “ I love it so much”

Nicks hand was coated with pre-cum as his hand quickly pumps up and down his deck. He could see your ass ripple with each thrust in the glow of the fire. each thrust your body jump and arch with pleasure. He just wish that he could see how your face twisted and pleasure. The way your mouth fell open when you were close. Fuck! This was so wrong!...but...but why does it feel so good? He's never felt so hard in his hand, never felt so good.

“Yeah baby…take it…take it” he huffs as his hand leaves your body and locks his fingers with yours and squeezed tightly. He ruts against you as he stutters and bites down on your shoulder to surpressed his own noises.

“Where..where?” He asked feeling himself close to cumming. He straightens himself again and gives you the last few hard thrusts. His eyes no longer on you but through the tent crack and gave a smirk, knowing damn well someone had enjoyed their night with a free show. Now most would think this wasn't ideal but in Noah's mind his first thought was

"that's right...all you can do is watch but never touch"

“I-inside…aahhh” you whine

He pounds into you with a few short but strong thrusts and spills into your pussy. Your walls milking and pulsing around him sweetly.

you shake as an orgasm rattles through your body, shaking your to your core. Your ass shivers against his hips as he pushes you over the edge. The lightheadedness, the tightness of your stomach, the way you pulse around him, the warmth that oozed out. He pulled out slowly and grabbed his shirt to clean you up. Pulling his shorts up again he helps to find yours and opens his arms for you to lay in

"Think you can sleep now?" he chuckles against your hair "little minx"

"hey!" you giggle "you like it when I'm a minx" you fire back

"I like you even if you weren't one" he kissed your head "Now go to sleep before someone gets up and asks why we're outta breath"

Nick sat in his tent, steamy and hot staring at his hand and the mess he had made. He couldn't believe what he had just done and how it had ended (lol post nut clarity). He cleans off his hand and plops back down on his sleeping back and stared through the see through room of this tent.

"fuck..." was all he could say when he processed what happened. Getting off to what he saw, fantasizing about you, and worse

Noah catching him and smirking at him! Tomorow morning was sure to be interesting.

「✨Taglist✨」 @lilhobgobbler @cncohshit @vir-tual @tdopomymind @concretenoah @misspygmypie @fvckmeorchokeme @lust-for-sacher @thescarlettvvitch @cind6547 @itsmrsfuentes @purple-lili @ima1986

#noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian smut #nick folio #nick folio smut #bad omens #bad omens fanfiction #star's original ✨#noah sebastian #bad omens cult #nick folio fanfiction

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hal-boy · 8 months

Text

Share-time Sunday post! Each week, I recommend something and talk about why I like it! :)

This week's recommendation is a piece of short fiction that had a major impact on my writing (tw unreality for this site): The Lenentine Cards, a short story that is a part of the larger work Invisible Games (which starts here). If you recognize that name, it's probably because you know the most famous story from the collection: Killswitch. Note that this is an archive of the original site, which got hacked and taken down back in the early 2010's.

I can't sing Invisible Games' praises enough. I've always been fascinated by its atmosphere: uncanny and sad, but oddly sweet and deeply tied into the creativity inherent to the human condition. Of course, its contents also speak to me personally, as I've always been fascinated by stories about interactive media. Also, its themes of obsession and the deeply personal connections people make with/through media resonate as an autistic dude with a bunch of media-based special interests, lol. I picked The Lenentine Cards to recommend since this piece has been particularly influential to me: I connected with the more personal nature of the story as compared to other stories like Killswitch or What Happened to Agent Small, and it's still grounded in a way that later entries aren't.

Anyway, check it out: The Lenentine Cards is less than 1,000 words, it's a pretty quick read.

#share-time sunday #share-time sunday: fiction #this reminds me that i have an entire damn essay's worth of thoughts about killswitch that i need to write eventually

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luvingspence · 1 year

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domestic stuff with spencer?

i wanna be his stay at home gf :(((

:(( make myself all pretty for him and send him off to work with lunch :((

i hate the idea of being a stay at home gf but for my favourite fictional bf? anything <3

same!!! being a stay at home wife is a legit fear of mine bc i don’t trust men but for spencer? my baby could never do anything wrong so i’d do anything for him <3 ty for the request lovey!

i wrote two different scenarios for this <3

warnings: nothing, just not proofread!!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

It was a lazy day, Spencer was on sabbatical and for once, they were both free and both in the mood to do nothing for a entire Sunday.

Y/n had allowed him to sleep in, she knew Spencer enjoyed a routine, but his routine, with how early he rose and how little he slept, sometimes killed him. He needed rest.

So there she stood in their shared kitchen, cleaning the counter tops and stacking all their mismatched, thrifted dishes. Knowing her boyfriend was still a child at heart she made crepes, full of strawberries and Nutella, drizzled in an amount of honey that would surely sate Spencer’s sweet tooth.

Once finished with the dishes she quietly stepped to the counter, giddily putting Spencer’s breakfast and a glass of orange juice on a bed-tray, excited to treat her love to breakfast in bed.

“G’morning”, she gasped, turning around and seeing her boyfriend padding towards her in the kitchen with sock-clad feet, rubbing the sleep from his tired eyes. “What’s this?”

“It was meant to be a surprise,” she whined, setting the tray on the kitchen table.”

Spencer hummed, stepping closer to her and placing his hands in her hips. “A surprise,” he mused, “for what?”.

Trying to get impossibly closer to him, she smoothed warm, flat palms over his chest and gazed up at him, “you just work so hard, Spence,” she rested her head on his chest, “wanted to do somethin’ nice for you.” she mumbled.

“And you were supposed to sleep in so I could give you your breakfast in bed.” Y/n pouted, Spencer huffed lightly and smiled gently.

“That’s so cute,” he teased, engulfing his girlfriend in a loving hug and rocked her lightly, side to side, “I’m sorry I ruined your surprise, angel.”

“S’okay,” she leaned up and kissed his nose, “just make sure you sleep in next time I turn your alarm off.”

“Duly noted.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Make sure you eat well and take a break, Spence!

Love you, honey!

p.s drink water, less coffee <3

She drew a sweet, endearing little heart at the end of the note and folded it as neatly as she could manage before placing it on top of the tub of leftover pasta she had kept for Spencer’s lunch. Y/n grinned and packed everything into her boyfriends satchel for him.

“Angel, where’s my satchel?”

She fastened the the buckle and skipped to where he was standing in the threshold of the kitchen, “Here, baby, just packed some lunch for you.” She chirped, handing Spencer his work bag and pressed a ginger kiss to his cheek.

Spencer sighed and swiped a thumb gently over her cheekbone, “Thank you, angel.” He grabbed the back of her head softly and brought her forward to plant a kiss on her forehead, “that’s very sweet of you.”

“Well you always forget so someone has to make sure you eat!”

He feigned a gasp of offence, “I do eat! Quite often actually.”

Y/n pouted sarcastically, “Spence, coffee with too much sugar and police station doughnuts don’t count.” She patted his cheek teasingly.

“Now,” pressing his shoulders and pushing him towards the door of their apartment, “off you go, go fight bad guys, do paperwork or whatever it is you guys are gonna get up to today.”

“It’s a paperwork day, I’ll be home for dinner.” He beamed, clearly pleased at being able to return to his girlfriend at a normal time rather than seeing her days after he left for work. Of course he loved his job and the BAU, that place and his co-workers were a second home, but he loved his angel more.

She giggled lightly, “Good, maybe we can go out tonight instead.” She noticed her boyfriend’s perpetually crooked tie and began to fix it for him, “we haven’t done that in a while?”

“A date night sounds nice, angel.”

She nodded, already flicking through potential dresses in her head.

“Now seriously, work!”

“Do you want me to leave or something?”

“No,” she said, “I just don’t want Hotch to fire you.”

“He would never.” Spencer grinned.

“Yeah, well let’s not test him.”

#kacey talks <3 #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #mgg #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds fluff

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passmethatcokezero · 1 year

Text

Breakfast in bed (18+ // hoshi!friends to lovers au)

soonyoung x fem!reader 7.8k words warnings: minors dni! first timers (breaking your fasts as virgins *wink wink*), unprotected sex (this is pure fiction! please wear protection irl!!), horny soonyoung like so horny since he has been wanting you since years ago and he finally gets to lay his hands on you, smut with oh so little fluff at the end, thinking if I will be writing a part two just because i think this needs more lol. visual gifs here and there.

a/n: it has been a long time since I posted. anyway this has been in my drafts, so here you go!

Ding dong ding dong ding dong!

The impatience gave it away. It's probably your very first lover - so fresh it all finally began yesterday. All the mutual pining, push and pull, every tease from his clique, every set-up from your friends – all did not go in vain when Soonyoung courageously, albeit oh so painfully slowly confessed his erratic heart beats whenever you send him a meme, his voice memos full of unspoken feelings he records every time he thinks he is going to explode (and he doesn’t want to let his friends know), and his little dimple that only comes out of his shy smile upon getting a whiff of your perfume that lingered in his car.

“Hi, girlfriend,” he smirks as you open the door right when the clock strikes seven. “Flowers for the lovely lady who looks gorgeous with bed hair.” a cute remark followed by a sweet peck on your lips, but nonetheless earns him a smack on the chest as you tried to fix your “bed hair”. Although you have already prepped up and showered after your early morning workout, nothing beats staying on your bed on a Sunday.

“What makes you so early – all dressed up?” you set the flowers in your empty vase by the tv as he makes himself comfortable on your sofa, all the while thinking if you missed a prior commitment as Soonyoung’s default plus one.

“I did not dress up! This is how good I usually look,”

“Nah you’re trying to impress your girl, aren’t you?”

“I am just ALWAYS this impressive, miss.”

“Okay fine, mister,” you pulled him into the dining area for breakfast. “Come, I’ll make you breakfast before that gets in your head.”

Of course, being in love with him for years had you yearning for his warmth, but you have never imagined how Soonyoung can be clingy like this; he just cannot leave an inch between your bodies ever since he stepped in your apartment.

“What are we cooking?”

“Well…” you leaned your back on his chest, stroking his arms that embraced your waist. “...what does my boyfriend want to eat for breakfast?”

It was ticklish, the way he nozzles his nose against your ears, kissing your temples in the midst of it. “Hmm… what do I want for breakfast…?” he softly speaks.

Your legs started to tremble as his deep voice swiftly raced to your core. “Y-Yeah, I have eggs, pancakes? Or maybe you want salad –”

“You…”

The word escapes his mouth as soon as his lips distanced away from your temples from a sweet kiss.

More than ticklish, it was arousing to the fact that you almost gave in when his hands traveled inside your shirt.

“S-Soonyoung…” you chuckled lightly as you faced him. “You’re so funny you know!”

“What?”

“You’ve been wanting me like this all this time, and you never said a word?”

He bites his lip in embarrassment, or in something else as he locks his sight in yours. “Well… okay I was a coward I admit. But now, I am brave enough to make advances since you’re mine.”

“As early as seven? Come on, we can do that later I promise. Let’s just –”

“That can wait.” He caught your lips for a kiss he had always wanted to share with you, other than the sweet one yesterday. The lip-locking went on for a while, going wet in less than ten seconds into it. You can feel his eagerness to savor every second of it, probably to make up for all the wasted opportunities he could have had.

You felt yourself being lifted up to the counter as he settled himself between your thighs without tearing away from the kiss. His desperation was on the surface now; he wanted you ever since, he wanted to kiss you so hard, so deep he might not feel his jaw afterwards. He wanted to touch every single inch of you, enough of just a friendly tap or high-five. He wanted you all his life, more than you know, more than what he confessed yesterday. More than your own feelings for him.

He gasps as he breaks away from the lewd kiss, realizing his hold on your thighs have been too tight for his own sake.

“Fuck, I could have kissed you like that every single day since junior high.”

“Damn, that long?” he trails kisses on your neck as he groans in frustration. “Well then… we should make the most of it now I guess?”

He perks up with a smile he can’t hide. “So… what do we do now?”

“I don’t know… whatever couples do.” you winked at him.

“Whatever adult couples do.”

Your body sprung on the mattress as he discarded his layers somewhere in the room, growling an authoritative “don’t” when you almost followed suit taking off your cozy, (sultry, in Soonyoung’s vocabulary), weekend wear.

He swims through the bed on his way to his prey kissing all the skin he passed through. “Let me do the undressing, princess.” With movements seemingly driven by excitement and arousal at the same time, every contact he makes feels electrocuting and the way his misty, naked body glides over makes your camisole dress reveal some of your torso.

“I can’t… I can’t believe it…” he chuckles, head dropping low as he settles on top of you. “You are mine now?” Looking up to meet your eyes, with his a bit moist with tears.

It was a little funny, him being emotional on the edge, but no doubt he has once again tugged your heartstrings. Soonyoung, your loud and energetic best friend, always fiery and full of passion, the diligent hard worker who plays harder, who is popular among his colleagues even past working hours, who most think he can't get enough of everyone’s attention when all he craves are yours…

Fuck. What's with Soonyoung's kisses? Just a moment ago, you were able to think straight and yet here you are, mind all hazed as if caused by your heavy, warm exhales. His kisses went everywhere, tasting every bit of your skin as his tongue travelled from your neck to your now bare chest. Heck you didn't even notice at which part did he undress your one cloth on.

No words were exchanged nor let out by any of you, only savoring the moment as if speaking might lose your focus - him, on his every act to make you feel good; and you, on feeling his hot cavern devouring fragments of your untouched flesh.

He starts to suck on one of your mounds as one hand grasps on the other, playing on both buds to stimulate you even more.

"S-Soonyo…" you cannot even finish his name. You've never made out with someone else, moreso gotten laid ever. It has always been you helping yourself, touching here and there, playing with yourself when your body aches for it.

Everything was new to you that it keeps you sending goosebumps all over, and getting your folds dripping since the session by the kitchen.

The anticipation rose as he goes down further, his kisses trailed in your abdomen to your waist, automatically making your thighs magnet upon feeling ticklish.

"Baby… can I…?" He asks softly, looking at you whose eyes shut to pleasure. Your contorted face feeds his ego to the core, smirking at the sight he himself created. "I bet you're so wet, you needed my mouth to sip all of it, huh?"

Your lips must have been bloodied right now. A fuel in the form of his words ignited your arousal to its peak, feeling some hot liquid dripping into your undies.

"Shit… just fucking do it."

The lack of touch for a while made you look at him, only to see a Kwon Soonyoung looking intently at your face, irises so dark and cloudy.

"Fuck... you look so hot like this. Can I hear you beg for me, baby?" He says, rather innocently and monotonously. But all you know he is already going nuts inside, hearing him choke on his own saliva.

"Please…" you wanted to rub your thighs together so bad you were almost squeezing with him in between. With all the desperation on your voice you blurted out with a moan, "Please… Soonyoung…. Please…."

Cursing in his breath after a groan, he aggressively pulls your panties down, rummaging your folds with his hungry mouth. Mind once again goes blank as you try to feel his every movement.

Finally, you got your pussy be eaten out. Oh the wonders it does, the nirvana it brings. You only heard stories and watched some on the dirty world of internet, but fuck. Being eaten out must have been the most pleasurable thing in the world to humans. You never realized if it has always been like that but the pleasure made you even want to thank the heavens for creating your pussy so sensitive, and so ready for eating.

His mouth conquers your south, savoring your arousal as he slurps on it. All the rubbing, the kissing, and the teasing was enough to make you a moaning mess you didn't even mind if your neighbors can hear. You've indulge in your fair share of overheard sex; now must have been the payback for it albeit unsure if they're at the other side.

"You're so sweet, baby, mhhm," His breath tickles your south as your mind went blank. Soonyoung had to smirk seeing your mouth hanging, feeling all good because of him. He continued moaning here and there as he pleases you in all the angles he knew, teasing you as he figured the vibrations must have been producing all this wetness: more for him to slurp.

"Ahh Soonyoung, you're so fucking good," you managed to speak in between breaths. "Soonyoung… ahhh… please… more."

Even when he is already feeling dizzy from all the arousal he's trying to control and haze surrounding his eyesight, he still managed to give you what you want. His tongue goes up a little, playing with your shiny button as he plans to give you more.

His hand then introduces itself to your drenching hole, one by one, a finger goes in to give you friction and the second to scissor and stretch you out. With a hole that tight, he's aware he need one more finger to go in, but not so soon when he enjoys the view of your face in a mess and back arching as a reaction.

"This tight and warm pussy too, all for me?" He asks innocently sounding and yet full of crimson red, almost criminal, thoughts.

Your moans were already too much especially when he hits your spot from time to time. He was too serious about it like his life depended on it. He was doing an excellent job, even adapting a rhythmic pattern to fucking your hole with his hand all the while stretching you and hitting your spot.

"Shit… i think I'm close…" you were heaving breaths, eyes still shut, tighter when you felt his tongue pressing a little harder with your clit and a finger rubbing your most sensitive spot. You almost screamed at the sensation, but you were so quick to cover your mouth with your arms when you had your release (too considerate of your neighbors but a little loose for Soonyoung to savor it all).

Soonyoung himself had made it known he too was overwhelmed of the arousal that drowns his consciousness. It was as if he was drunken by your juices; mind going insane at how your moans mixed with his make such a good music to his ears.

Until he can't take it anymore and reached for his boxers, feeling his hard stick.

"Gahh…" for a moment he took time to feel himself, his warm breath hovering over your exposed wet folds. He was grunting by himself, frustrated that he can't control himself ㅡ he wanted to feel you right then, rummage into your hole and pleasure himself to his limit. But he is not gonna do that on your first time. Maybe the second, he could be more upfront about how he wanted to fuck you so hard and pound against you until his thighs give up on him.

"Soonyoung, are you okay?" Worried after hearing his gentle cries, you asked.

"I'm sorry babe, I am just…"

"Come here, baby," you were weak, but tried to raise yourself a little. "Need a little help?" You asks as you pulled him to your warmth by his lips. He kisses you back a bit more aggressive than the first contact. Lip-locking went so deep you didn't realize your were both craving oxygen by the time your body was sinking in the mattress. With a hiss, he breaks the kiss and smirks.

"Fuck… why do you make me want you so bad?"

"How bad?" You tested him.

You knew him from the tips of his hair down to the last bit of his toe nails. The way he is acting, you know he desires your whole being, you know he wants every inch of your skin no less than a millimeter distance from his. And you know he craves it hard and rough.

"Oh you don't wanna know,"

"What if I do?"

He looks at you, irises sparkle at your consent. Head spinning, he is going crazy, but he can't admit it. "Should I… show you then?"

You nodded at him. He dives in for a kiss one more time before he positions himself to your entrance. His hot girth sweeping sticky juices against your folds, coating himself while doing so.

"Ready, babe?"

You were actually thinking twice - are you? You were virgin your whole life, untouched and unkissed. Being too nitpicky about relationships had you missing out on so much fun and pleasure ㅡ heck you even never noticed your friend's hints at you nor the obvious teasing from the others. You chose to build a parasocial relationship with that actor you've been following for quite some time. The thirst traps were enough for you to attend to your wet needs. The fanfics even more so ignite that sexual tension you had with someone who have not seen you ever.

Then came Kwon Soonyoung's shy but passionate confession when you two were left alone inside Jihoon's studio. You never thought someone ever thought of you or seen you like how he does. Adding fuel to the fire was that, ever since you met him again in college, you can't deny the fact that he had grown into such a fine man. The girls in your class gush at him, and envy you for being a close friend of his that he gets to walk with you to the subway. And most of the time eat with you for lunch every Wednesday when your schedule does not match your girl friends.

While you never knew, Soonyoung bottled up all the jealousy to himself. That one mathematics professor who had been kind to you not knowing he was a friend of your mother; that senior guy named Seungcheol whom you have kept your eyes on and screamed your lungs out for during one basketball game; your neighbors Mingyu and Wonwoo whom you have grown close spending holidays together for some time now; even your girlfriends who don't ever want to leave your side. He had no rights to being jealous and it angered him so bad why reality hits him that way.

Not until now, all the jealousy vanished to none when his reality slapped him back a gift he had always been trying to manifest in his life; the only person he promised to ever lock his heart with. You.

His hard cock was welcomed by your tight entrance. Breaths were heavy and eyes almost well up as he tears your hole. The silence was too loud in the room that only your sensual sounds vibrated throughout the space. It was such an experience, having your hole stretch to his girth. Painful at first, stinging if you may even say so. The arousal you had prepared for him was almost not enough to lubricate his way in. You thought he was too big for an inexperienced hole.

"Soonyoung, w-wait…"

You didn't notice how you were digging your nails at the back of his hands - which you didn't also notice holding yours against the mattress.

"Baby…" He wipes the tear that formed in your eyes. "I'm sorry, is it too much? Should I… stop?"

There he goes again with that fucking soft voice he only has for you.

"No…" you assured him hastily with a faint smile. "Just… this… it's my first."

That alone, he figured how to handle the situation. It was his first too, but not the first time he imagined it happening. He know he had to take it slow, just as how he learned from the videos he imagined could be the both of you. It might seem he was a little perverted, but he had and would only be so just for you.

"I'll be careful," He kisses your forehead and you nodded.

Accompanying with a sweet kiss, he went on entering your heat as slow as he can, as careful as his patience can take. It had you whimpering, but you trusted Soonyoung. You know how loyal the guy can be, especially with his words. He indeed treated you like a delicate gem.

"You're so fucking good in taking me in," He lightens up the mood with the compliment. "Just a little…. More…." And he gasps as your hole engulfed him fully.

"So warm…." Your breaths exchange through each other's mouths as you take time adjusting to his size. You can't believe how huge he was, filling your hole so perfectly like it was molded inside of you.

A lewd mouth-conquering once again starts, now ever passionate than the first ones. It was like both of you were feeling each other: your warmth, your wetness, his length, and that stupid throbbing that makes you go crazy; taking time to internalize how both you are now one, connected by the tension you two had been denying.

"I can stay like this forever," you managed to say to which he giggled. "Fuck, do you feel how wet I am?"

"I know right, you want me so bad." He boasts himself, "Be honest, am I too good for a first timer?"

"First-timer my ass!"

"You don't believe me? Look I'm trying to give you caution that it might get clumsy as a beginner…" He teases you as he circles his hips, which earned him a hot moan from you.

"Ah shit, keep doing that…"

"I can…" He groans, "But I have other plans."

He dives on to your neck as he starts kissing it everywhere, while his hips started to rock slowly. The slight friction was already making you go crazy, you can't even think of anything but Soonyoung taking your virginity away from you. How his gentle body rolls make your pussy so well attended, you can even picture how he does it with that dancer hips of his. Hot - it must have been so hot, so fiery, so sexy.

"Fuck, you're so good baby ahh~" you thought saying something might encourage him instead of just having you moan endlessly (although that is not as bad, too.)

"You like it?"

"So… fucking much…. Ahh…"

You can't help but moan, it was just too pleasurable.

"Your moans… fuck…. Making me want you more," He said, groaning in frustration. He didn't realize he was gaining speed, which you didn't mind as well. His thrusts also gained force, his length starting to thrust in from a distance. He was going harder, and faster.

No words were exchanged. Just moans and hisses and curses in between the slaps of his skin to yours. The mattress then joining in with the creaks, visibly and audibly trying to handle the intense workout going on. Your moans reached a note you didn't know you can and his going deeper notes from his range. Suddenly you felt a knot on your tummy. This must be it, you thought. You are cumming.

"S-Soonyoung… I am…"

"Shit you're getting tighter fuck," He drowned your words with his own. "Come again?"

"I think I'm gonna… cum…"

"Oh yeah?" He was thinking of holding his for a while. He too felt like cumming but he was having too much pleasure.

He just loves going in out of your warmth, feeling your moist hole as he slams his, the pressure on his thighs and even arms that support his weight, the slapping sound and the hint of arousal in the air, he wanted to make the most of it.

"Do I make you feel that good, baby? Do you like my cock? How big it is that it fills and stretches your tight pussy, huh?"

Foul-mouthed Soonyoung must have been a turn on for you. He cannot believe he just heard the loudest and longest moan from you tonight, followed right up by your hot release.

He smirks at his fault. You were drained.

As the scent of sex fills the room, you felt a kiss on your lips as he goes on helping you with your release. You were too sensitive as he slowly rides your high, you wanted to stop him for a while but shit, the process felt so good if not more sensual than the rest that happened that you almost bit his lips.

"Ah… I'm sorry."

"Nah, that was…hot…"

He finally let's out when you've stabilized your breathing for a while. The absence of his cock from inside you was another kind of loneliness you never knew existed.

"Have you… cum yet?" You asked him faintly, as he settles beside you.

"I can't cum inside you can I?" He thought for a while as he pumps himself, eyes closed.

You smiled at his consideration. Albeit giggling at the fact that there even might be precum leaked inside. Anyway, you have your stock of pills, no problem with that.

"Then let me at least finish it for you?"

He was about to let you know his confusion when you already had your hand in his cock, replacing his.

"Ah… sssshit." It was an image he had pleasured himself with once or twice if he will be honest. You, pumping his hard, reddened cock, and then taking it to your mouth.

The gutteral groan he let out was a sound you never thought would come from him but it did.

Your tongue was the first to welcome him from the tip, circling it as if tasting your own cum and his leakings, later on conquering the head with your mouth. He was holdng on to the sheets so hard he was crumbling them in his fists.

"Fuck…" you thought you heard more curse but you were too occupied to hear them.

He too was too focused on how his cock finally got an attention he had been wishing for. For him indeed, to be eaten is the best feeling in the world, unaware of your mutual notion.

His eyes were shut tight, eyebrows furrowed and mouth agape; he cannot control his delight upon the materialization of one of his dark crimson fantasies.

You went in deeper, as much as your mouth can handle. Too bad your mouth must have been quite in the smaller size you had to seek help with your free hand to give him the blow job of his dreams.

"Shit now I'm doubting this is your first…" He managed to blurt out after he exhaled deeply, looking at you with a pair of hooded eyes you never saw from him.

"We learn things out of curiosity," you smirked. "I'll show you one thing I learnedㅡ" you cut your own words, hand still rubbing him sultry. "ㅡif you're such a good boy, and promise to moan as loud as you can if you like it. Hmm?"

You giggled how you saw his lips started to redden to his bite. Oh you just know how much you affect him, its kinda unfair, he must have thought.

You went back to sucking his cock, hollowing your cheeks with a suck he did not see coming. The moan he let out was almost a cry, but he kept his promise. It was loud, even lingered for a quite a while turning into some kind of a growl.

"That so fucking hot of you, baby…" you whispered. "You like that?"

A groan was enough for your to go back to your business, sucking him dry, gradually increasing speed. He was writhing, a moaning mess, underneath you and fuck, it was such a sight to see and hear him in full lustful glory, almost like an underling to your prowess, all because of you.

His shy hand was trying its best not to hurt you with its pull of your hair as you pushed your self deeper, his tip causing a gag you were quick to deny.

"Fuck…" his voice cracked a bit and it was then his loans turned octaves higher than his usual.

Music to your ears, and your wet pool in the south.

You sucked him faster, gaining momentum and rhythm with your head as he meets your mouth with his hips. He says he couldn't help it, you heard him mumble albeit not too audible.

"Babe… babe you can… stop now." He said between breaths which caused you some confusion, and a bit of self doubt. Is there something wrong?

"Babe please come here…" He cooed as he fixated his back against the headboard, signaling you to come closer. You settled at his thigh, moistened bodies touching, foreheads resting against each other as both race breaths.

"Did I… do something wrong?"

He was still whimpering by himself, suddenly taking your lips on a lock once again. You let him be, taking time to answer what could have been a little sensitive at this time.

The kiss took long enough when you felt his body, shaking a bit hard on on your leftㅡhe was pumping himself too fast which you didn't know he had been helping himself as soon as he kissed you.

He rests his head against the wooden board, while you take in the hottest image you have seen of him so far. You know he was near his release when his teeth started gritting, eyes and brows shut to pleasure.

"I'm… cumming…."

His breaths sounded so hoarse, and you thought of nothing but to kiss that sumptuous long neck right in front of your eyes, and paint his thigh the arousal that once again made itself known.

Not too long and he releases strands of his cum, accompanied by his deep moan that resonated to your core.

"I don't know… how to end this…" He giggled, still chasing his breath as he kisses you once more, pulling you closer to him as if there was any distance left. "I'm… sorry," He began to speak, caressing your chin with his fingers. "I'm…"

"Hmm…?"

He sighs in defeat. "I'm… too shy to cum… inside your mouth. Or just… cumming… like the idea of having these sticky liquid all over you… inside you… I… it's making me shy, you might think it's… dirty or anything? I mean it's our first so… you might not be used to it yet… and the fact that... i dod not wear any protection... felt like violated you, my love."

You saw how hard he constructed that ment of his, which earned him a soft giggle from you.

"Oh my God… Soonyoung." You gave him a peck before continuing, "why are you so cute?" and gave him a hug so warm, so endearing. "Don't worry about those things I don't make you even think of. I'm all good."

He blushed moreover from his aftersex glow. "Well... I wasn't being cute!" He lets you rest on his chest. "Anyway… this is just the first. I'll be more confident in our next." His breath felt closer to your ear, as his airy voice filled the room. "Unless you need help with that wetness right now?"

You just know his face have turned smug now, so proud of how he can make you feel aroused so damn fast.

Of course, you gave in. You needed another release, manifested through not just the wetness, but also the aching of your inner thighs. You want him again, and again. His fault for being too hot for your sake.

"How about a ride before we get to eat breakfast?"

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