#selfishly it was exactly what i needed these trying times | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jeysbvck · 1 month

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even if it's a false god (we'd still worship this love)

a/n; ive been working on this for over a year, & after four rewrites, its finally here! thank you to @pedroassmanpascal for your help when i was conceiving this & working on it last year! this is my first time working in this genre, & it hasn't been beta read all the way thru, so please let me know what you think!

warnings; pov change, a butt load of angst, age gap (reader is in her thirties), violence, death/murder, near death experience, voyeurism, female masturbation, male masturbation, male!recieving, female!recieving, penetrative sex (if ive missed any feel free to let me know!!)

taglist; @likedovesinthewnd @harmshake @nightmare-viper

word count; 7.3k

summary; Joel's been pretending you don't exist for weeks now, and you have no idea why. But when you get caught up in a life or death situation, confessions are made, lines are crossed, and your relationship is changed.

Every single part of Joel's body hurt, and he was exhausted. Joel was always exhausted, but this day had been particularly hard. Everything that he - and you had gone through had been for nothing. The supplies and weapons you had been looking for had been looted already. Only a few old, rusty tins of food covered in at least a years worth of dust had been left behind. Not to mention the constant hoards of infected you had to fight through. Now, it was a fight to get back to the QZ to make another plan that could end the exact same way. Yeah, he'd had plenty of bad days, but this one would sting for a while. The hope that had been reignited had gone out again. Now he was just tired.

No matter how hard he tried though, he couldn't sleep. He was just lying on the hard floor -the fabric floor of the tent and his blanket doing nothing to help with the lumps under his back- with his eyes closed and ears alert. He knew how dangerous it could be, the horrors lurking in the woods, even when it was calm and quiet, and he hoped you had heeded his advice and were asleep with your gun.

But then he heard a whimper, and his eyes shot open as he stayed silent, his hand on his pistol. A barely heard whine, and he sighed with relief as he realised it was you. These past few weeks had been taxing - although the past twenty years hadn't exactly been a cake walk - and it dawned on him that you were probably crying. Joel had been so drained and tired during dinner that he selfishly hadn't noticed you were unusually quiet. He also didn't think about it when you retired to bed early. Joel tried to ignore the sounds, but he couldn't, he was just picturing you curled up in your tent, crying yourself to sleep, and the guilt of not noticing anything was wrong was gnawing at him. He groaned and slipped out of his tent, making his way to yours while putting the gun in the back of his jeans.

He quietly navigated the campsite and stopped outside your tent, unsure how to proceed. Did he knock on the fabric door, or did he call out your name? He wasn't good at this stuff, and he hadn't been for a long time, but he also knew that you needed someone; or, more specifically, you needed a friend. You were just that kind of person, even if the world had forced you to pretend you weren't. For a few seconds, he couldn't hear anything, but just as he was about to give up, he heard another noise, but this one sounded more like a moan. Then another one, louder now, and there was no mistaking it that time. Joel's body stiffened, and he started to get hot as his cock twitched at the thought of you getting yourself off, mere feet away from him. He heard your sleeping bag rustle slightly, and he bolted back to his tent, breathing heavily as he zipped the tent door.

He stared up at the roof of the tent, trying - but ultimately failing - not to think about what he'd just almost interrupted. His jeans were uncomfortably tight, and he had to unbutton them just for some relief. He tried to divert his thoughts, to think about anything else, but his mind took some winding paths just to get him back to thinking of you. Joel groaned. He needed a release, and it had been a long time since he'd done, well, anything. It wasn't going to hurt anyone, and you were doing it just mere feet away from him, so what was stopping him? They were all flimsy arguments. He knew that, but it was the easiest solution to the problem at hand.

Joel slipped a hand into his boxers, his cold touch sending goosebumps down his spine, the sensation making him harder. He began to stroke himself, and when he closed his eyes, he could see you writhing around in your tent, your fingers deep inside yourself. He could hear you from your tent still, your quiet whimpering and moaning sounding out through the stillness of the forest, and Joel caught his own moan in his throat as his movements got quicker. He couldn't bring himself to care about the possible dangers lurking, the grip he had his cock on tightening slightly as pictures of you clouded him. He imagined you being in here with him, imagined that you were both watching each other. It didn't take long for Joel to make himself orgasm, and he cleaned himself up, hoping sleep came to him before the guilt did.

Joel spent the next few days convinced he was going crazy. Every time you looked at him, he was sure you could see the guilt he was struggling to hide, like his memories would be projected for you to see. Every time you said his name, he was waiting for you to tell him you knew what he'd done, that you'd seen him outside your tent, and heard him in his. He felt so dirty, creepy, ashamed, and at some point, he shut down completely. He knew you were confused, you weren't as good at hiding your emotions as you thought, and you were confused by what you could've possibly done to warrant the cold shoulder from Joel, who could barely look at you, and it made him feel worse. He just didn't know what else to do, so he went back to what he knew best.

After traipsing through the woods for what felt like forever, Joel just wanted to set up camp and get through the night. He was tired, sore, hungry, and needed a moment away from you, without your sad eyes staring at him, without your attempts to get him to open up. So when you announced that you'd had enough and insisting that you stop for the night, Joel didn't argue. While Joel set up the tents, you gathered some wood from the perimeter of the "campsite", and Joel took a moment to watch on fondly, smiling to himself at the smug look of accomplishment on your face, taking the "win" against Joel.

Dinner was silent that night, as the past few had been, and while Joel refused to look up from his food, you were refusing to take your eyes off Joel. Your gaze was burning a hole in his head. He felt scrutinised as he ate, and it took everything in him not to engage. He didn't know if you were trying to annoy him into talking to you or if you were lost in your own thoughts, but he didn't ask.

Once again, straight after dinner, you headed into your tent, sending a soft "goodnight" Joel's way. He looked up but not before the sound of the zip echoed out, and he sighed, rubbing his temples.

The fire had died long ago, but Joel still hadn't found the energy to crawl into his tent. He stared up at the starry night, and just as his mind started to wander into dangerous territory -somewhere he never went if he could help it- he heard the noise that had been playing on a loop in his head for the past two days. His cock stirred and he covered his face with his hands. Not again.

He knew he had to get back to his tent and fast, but he had to do it quietly. He began to slowly move the canisters and empty tins, careful not to make any noise. He didn't want you to think he was a pervert. Although that's exactly how he felt right about now. He was about to stand up when he heard a single word from your mouth that made him stop in his tracks.

Joel.

Fuck. Oh fuck. Did you know he was there? Did you hear him? Could you see his silhouette projected on your tent, like it was a cinema screen? He ran through a hundred excuses in his head as he slowly turned to look over his shoulder, and he let out a sigh of relief when he saw no signs that you'd heard him. He scoffed at himself and shook his head. He really was going crazy.

Mmm, Joel, don't stop!

He definitely wasn't going crazy, there was no mistaking it. Not only were you masturbating, mere feet from Joel, but you were moaning his name, and he had never been so hard in his life. He couldn't stop himself, and once again, he unzipped his jeans and pulled out his cock, and while you moaned and gasped from inside the tent, Joel pleasured himself.

His precum was seeping out and over his fingers, and he bit down harshly on his lip to stop his own sounds from escaping. His motion got quicker, matching the sweet sounds coming from your tent, and when you brought yourself to orgasm and Joel's name slipped from your lips, he came undone. He emptied himself onto the dirt, too entranced by your gasps to notice the streams spilling over his fists. He dropped his head against the log behind him and groaned.

"Shit."

It happened three more times, and Joel had never been more conflicted. He was constantly stressed and on edge; the guilt from what he was doing was eating away at him. He'd always been someone that could control himself - he had to be - but when it came to this, to you, it was like something triggered inside him. He'd known you for years and had never had these thoughts or these feelings. Then again, he'd never spent this much time with you, and he'd never heard his name fall from your lips like that.

Joel couldn't deny he thought you were beautiful, and that maybe it inflated his ego a little, that you were thinking about him while you fucked yourself with your fingers, or dreaming about him, but he was under no illusions that it meant anything. You didn't have feelings for him. He was just the only person you'd seen in weeks that wasn't trying to kill you, and feelings get warped. Especially with the way the world was now. Besides, he'd seen the guys that hung around you like moths drawn to a flame. They were much younger and fitter than Joel was. Yet, he found himself as one of those moths, and he couldn't help but imagine how it would feel to be caught in your flame.

Joel was no longer waiting to hear you to get himself off. His mind would conjure up images that made it so he couldn't help himself. Images of your mouth around his cock, your hair tangled in his fingers as he fucked your face. His head buried deep in between your legs as he ravished you, his hand clamped over your mouth to muffle your moans of ecstasy. Of his cock slamming into you, his fingernails leaving little indents in your ass as he gripped firmly. The fact that he would never get the real thing didn't bother him. He was content with his fantasies. But he still felt guilty, and the tension between you and Joel was getting worse.

But things were beginning to simmer inside Joel, and his secret masturbating habits were no longer the sole reason for his behaviour. Joel would look over at you, by the fire feading the book you'd memorised front to back, and he'd let himself imagine running his hands through your hair as you sat lazily against him. When he slept, his dreams were of a life he'd never thought he'd want - or have again, and you were always by his side. He'd dream of dancing with you in the living room, waking up beside you, the sunlight making you glow like an ethereal figure. He'd dream of being happy. He'd put it down to the ridiculous situation he found himself in and told himself that once you were both back in the QZ, things would go back to normal. You would go back to people your own age, and Joel would just be a memory of a small fantasy you had while on a difficult run.

But then, as if the universe was trying to intervere, everything changed. The abandoned building you'd been hiding out in turned out not to be not so abandoned, and the two of you had gotten yourselves into a sticky situation. Hunters had cornered you, and in all the chaos and commotion, the last man standing had grabbed you, now using you as a human shield with his arm almost choking you, a knife pressed just above your collarbone while Joel had his gun aimed right at him.

"I'll take yer girls head off!" The guy yelled. Joel could see you were terrified, and it took everything in him not to let his rage consume him. He knew that one wrong move could get you killed. He needed to be smart about this.

"Look, man, we don't have much, but you can take it all. Just let her go." Joel said, trying to keep his voice even. He was terrified that he wasn't going to be able to save you, and he couldn’t live with that. It wasn't just about someone else that he cared about dying or about him failing. You understood him, and somewhere along the way, you had unknowingly brought him out of the darkness. You were his beacon of light, and if he lost that, if he lost you, he wasn't sure he'd ever find his way out of the darkness again.

"Yeah? What if I want 'er?" The hunter sneered, caressing your cheek with his knife, pressing the tip into your skin ever so slightly.

"Not an option." Joel growled.

"Seems like it is to me. I could drag 'er outta here right now. There ain't nothing you could do about it."

You felt sick. You couldn't believe you'd let yourself be distracted by Joel being tackled to the ground, and now this disgusting pig had you in a fucking headlock. You'd seen Joel take down hunters and the infected, sometimes effortlessly, so why the hell did you freeze when Joel had been pinned to the floor momentarily? Your feelings for Joel were getting more and more confusing, and you didn't like it one bit, they were going to get you or Joel killed if you carried on like this.

It's not like you wanted to be attracted to Joel, not when there wasn't a single thing you could do about it. Why would Joel ever go for you? He was twenty years your senior, old enough to be your father. There was just no chance in hell. Yet, you couldn't stop yourself from fantasising about him. It wasn't hurting anyone, and it was keeping you somewhat sane, and he'd never know.

"You won't make it out of this room." You heard Joel say in his deep, gruff voice, and it sent shivers down your spine. Your eyes squeezed shut when you felt the man breathing on your neck, the hot air making your stomach twist, bile rising up your throat as he inhaled your scent, his own vile one violating your senses. You clenched your fist and felt the cold blade of your dagger against your arm, the one you'd forgot you had up your sleeve, literally. How big of an idiot was this guy? How didn't he see you had a knife? As Joel and the hunter traded words, you quickly formulated a plan. If you could somehow manage to stab - or at least slash the guy - maybe he'd let go of you, and then Joel could get a shot in.

"Let go of me!" You shouted, struggling slightly, while slipping the knife further down your sleeve. It worked, and you smirked proudly. You raised your eyebrows at Joel before glancing down at your hand, subtly flashing the knife. You looked back at him, then darted your eyes to your captor. Joel took a second, and you knew he was weighing up his options before he nodded slightly. His eyes darted down to the guys leg, and you winked to let him know you understood the plan. The man still had a fucking knife to your throat, and you didn't want to give him any warnings or ideas.

"Don't worry." The hunter said, 'I'll look after 'er good."

Joel nodded to you, and you clenched the knife, stabbing right into the hunter's thigh. His yells of pain echoed around the room, and he released you from his grip, the knife in his hand clattering to the floor. You stumbled forward, kicking the weapon across the room, but you thankfully managed to stay on your feet. You grinned at Joel, feeling victorious, but it was a fleeting feeling.

"Fuckin' bitch!" The hunter shouted and you turned around, but not quick enough. The knife was sticking out of his thigh, but it didn't seem like he felt it, he was too overcome with rage, and the back of your head slammed against the wall as the hunter pinned you by the throat. You gasped for air, the guys hands squeezing the life out of you, spit flying as he screamed in your face.

"I'll fuckin' kill you, you goddamned bitch!"

You tried to pry the man's hands from around your neck, but it was no use. He was too strong, and your vision was fading rapidly. You were barely able to gasp Joel's name, and you were quickly losing consciousness. All you could do was stand there and let the darkness consume you as you thought about Joel. The way he'd try to hide his smile when you did something wrong, or when you said something silly. The way he laughed, how it was the rich sound you rarely got to hear. How he protected you, even though he clearly didn't want to be around you. How you were going to die, not knowing what you did to make him ignore you the past couple of weeks. Not knowing why he had this sudden disdain for you.

But then, the pressure around your neck suddenly disappeared, and you fell to the floor, gasping for air as you clutched your throat, your eyes wide and darting around wildly, searching for Joel.

He appeared on his knees in front of you and grabbed your face, his panicked, brown eyes staring deep down into your soul.. "Hey! Hey! Are you alright? Come on baby, just breathe for me."

His large hands were warm on your cheeks, the hunter's blood that stained them smearing across your skin as he caressed your cheek, but still, you leaned into his touch. He had never been this gentle before; in fact, he'd never really touched you unless being dragged by your wrist as you ran from infected counts. "I'm okay," you managed to say, and Joel sighed with relief.

"We need to move. Can you stand?" Joel asked, and you nodded, eyes closed as you took a few extra slow, deep breaths. "Okay. Take my hand."

You opened your eyes to Joel's outstretched hand and you took it, letting him haul you gently to your feet. He hooked his arm under yours to help you walk, and as you concentrated on walking with shaky legs, Joel guided you to the door. "Wait here." He said, disappearing out the front door to check for any danger.

As he did so, you turned to inspect the chaos you were leaving behind. Your stomach lurched as you saw the blood pooling around the dead man with a clean, almost surgical, maroon slice straight across his neck, and you wondered just how many times Joel had had to do it, to get such a clean cut. Your eyes snapped back to the door, where Joel was staring at you, his eyes wide and sad, like a puppy, before they hardened. "Let's go." Joel said. "We'll find a house to hide out in."

The universe had decided you could both use a break, and less than two hours after the attack, deep inside the seemingly never-ending woods, the two of you came across an unlocked cabin, the keys just sat on the side table. Joel put his finger up to his lips, and you nodded, following his lead as he crept through the front door. He pointed at you, then at the spot you were standing, and you nodded, doing as you were told while Joel checked it out. Neither of you wanted to take any more chances after today.

"Hey, you might wanna come check this out!" Joel's voice echoed through the cabin, and you closed the front door before heading towards the sound of his voice.

The cabin was rustic and run down, and looked to have been abandoned for a decade at least. It had been a hunter's cabin, judging by the animal heads mounted up on the walls, staring down at you with their black, beady eyes that seemed to follow you everywhere. The fireplace was brick, an axe resting against it with piles of wood stacked in front. You turned around and found Joel in the kitchen, staring down at the sink. As you got closer, you heard the familiar sound of a running tap, and you smiled. You'd take any kind of water right now, anything to get rid of this day.

But then you saw it, dancing through the air, rising from the tap. You were convinced you'd imagined it until you saw Joel's fingers rolling together under the water, a look of shock on his face.

"Is that what I think it is?" You asked as you got closer, and Joel nodded. You gingerly held your fingers out, anticipating cold water, not wanting to get your hopes up. But when your fingers hit the warm water, you let out a bewildered laugh, cupping both hands under the water, letting it spill over as it slowly but surely got hotter. "I can't believe it!"

"Yeah, well, we deserved a win eventually." Joel replied. You made eye contact, and the corner of his mouth curled upwards slightly, his eyes darting down to your neck before he took a sharp breath and turned away. "You should go have a shower."

"What about you?" You asked, and he sighed.

"Just go. I'll wash up here."

After stripping off your clothes, you looked at your reflection. Only then did you notice the bruising around your neck, and the blood smeared across your cheeks. You could still feel the way the hunter's hands squeezed so tight that you could feel the life draining from your body. You could still feel the panic and terror you felt and the relief when Joel forced the hunter to let go. The look in Joel's eyes when he held your face, the gentle touch as he caressed your cheeks and brushed your hair out of your face. You thought you'd made your peace with dying long ago, but that was until you almost met death, and it made you realise you didn't want to leave Joel. If Joel was in your life, maybe living was worth it.

You were so lost in thought, staring at your scarred body in the mirror, you didn't hear Joel knock on the door. It was only when the door burst open with Joel shouting your name that you turned around, surprised.

Joel kept his eyes on yours, refusing to let himself cave and look down; although it's all he wanted to do. You knew you should grab the towel, or the shower curtain, anything to cover yourself, but you were frozen, like Joel's gaze was keeping you locked on the spot.

Joel cleared his throat and shoved a bundle of clothes into your arms. “Sorry, I-uh, I thought maybe you were- it doesn't matter. I found those, thought you'd want some clean clothes.”

He left, slamming the door behind him, and you exhaled. You ignored the thoughts creeping in and the heat rising up your body and climbed into the bathtub under the running shower; watching the dirt and blood trickle off your body and down the plughole. Once the water ran clean, you stepped out, patting yourself down with the small towel. You then filled up the bathtub with hot water and then threw your underwear and clothes into it. It wouldn't fully clean them, but it'd be enough for now. You picked up the oversized flannel and pulled it over your shoulders, forgoing the jeans that were way too big for you, even with the help of a belt. You sighed and headed back out to Joel.

The fire was burning, the crackling wood echoing through the cabin. Joel was sitting at the wooden table in front of the window, sipping on a glass of wine. There were two plates of pasta on the table, a glass of wine next to one of them. You padded across the room and dropped into the seat opposite Joel, studying his face as he stared out the window. The sky was pink and orange as it set through the trees, the view almost as beautiful as the one sitting next to you; the light of the sunset cascading over Joel. He turned his head to you, and you glanced down at the food. Joel cleared his throat.

"I found some pasta and wine in the cupboards. It only went out of date a few weeks ago." He explained. "It should be okay for us to eat."

"I'm sure it's fine." You replied, "anything's better than beans again, right?" You leaned forward and took the glass of wine, taking a long sip, basking in the way it burned your throat slightly. It had been so long since you'd had even a sip of alcohol, you could swear your head was already fuzzy.

Like most dinners lately, this one was silent. But this was slightly different, considering you were probably the safest you'd been in a long time, and you were eating actual food off actual plates. If you and Joel were in a better place, it would be almost considered domestic. You might even consider staying here, leaving the QZ far behind. But you weren't, Joel could barely bring himself to talk to you — he couldn't even look at you. You really thought you were turning a corner with him until his behaviour changed one morning without warning.

"We should stay here for a couple of days, then head back to the QZ." Joel said. You sighed and finished your glass of wine, but it wasn't enough.

"Great." You replied, looking around for the bottle of wine. "Then you can go back to pretending I don't exist." You weren't sure where the outburst had come from, but you were pretty sure it had something to do with the alcohol running through your blood.

"Pretending you don't- what? I don't do that!" Joel insisted.

You scoffed. "Oh please, you're not as mysterious as you like to think." You said, although there was little truth to it. "You didn't even know my name in the QZ, yet we were around each other for months! I thought we were getting somewhere, but lately, you've been acting like we're strangers!" You told him.

"What?! Okay, maybe I was a little isolated in the QZ, but it's not like that now!" Joel replied, his fork clattering on the plate when it dropped from his hand. "All I do is worry about your survival!"

"Riiiiight, because you care so much." You said, rolling your eyes.

"It's my job to pro-"

"Your job?" You repeated, offended by his words, although you couldn't place why. "Well, allow me to relieve you of your duty." The chair screeched across the floor as you stood up and grabbed your unfinished plate and glass.

Joel inhaled through his nose and groaned. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"Well, I mean it. Leave. I didn't need a babysitter before, and I don't need one now!" You said loudly, heading to the kitchen for a reprieve.

Joel growled and slammed his palms on the table as he stood up, refusing your reprieve, following you to the kitchen. "I'm not leaving you to die out here. Which, you would've already if it wasn't for me. You've proven that multiple times!"

"Maybe," you replied, dropping the plate in the sink, staring at Joel, whose eyes darted away. "But I'd rather die alone than with someone who can't even stand to look at me!"

"I can't look at you because you drive me fucking crazy!" Joel exclaimed, his patience finally having worn thin. "Ever since I heard you moaning in that fucking-" He stopped, his eyes wide and on you as he realised what he said; watching his words dawn on you as your face cracked.

Nausea, or quite possibly embarrassment — rose from your stomach up through your oesophagus, and you drank from the glass of wine that was in front of you — which wasn't quite the best course of action as it didn't sit well on your spinning stomach. Joel had heard you masturbating. That's what he was saying, right? There wasn't anything else he could possibly be referencing. But why would it drive him crazy? Joel could be uptight sometimes, but it didn't seem to be in a "women shouldn't pleasure themselves" way.

You blinked a few times, and Joel's face came into focus. He had closed the gap between you both, now only a few feet away. He looked awkward as he shifted on his feet, rubbing the back of his neck, looking uncomfortable.

"You heard me mast -" You stopped, unable to say the word out loud, and you sighed, feeling ridiculous. "You haven't been talking to me for weeks because you heard me -"

Something clicked in your head, like a light had just been switched on. You hadn't just gotten yourself off once. And at some point, you began to fantasise it was Joel's fingers, or mouth, even his cock instead of your own hand. You were aware a couple of times his name had slipped from your lips, and you'd clasped your hand around your mouth afterwards, praying he hadn't heard you.

It was beginning to seem very likely he had heard you, and something in you shifted from embarrassment to…something else, and you arched your eyebrow, finishing off the glass of wine for some extra courage.

"You heard me say your name.” You said, arching your eyebrow. Joel stared before he nodded slowly.

“I heard.” He confirmed, refusing to break eye contact. The air in the kitchen had shifted; it was thick with tension, and Joel wondered where this was going.

You hummed and tilted your head. “What did you do?” You asked, smirking when it was clear it caught Joel off guard.

"What?”

“What did you do, Joel?” You asked, leaning back against the counter. Joel's eyes darted to your bare legs before slowly dragging them up your body, stopping at the three open buttons that exposed your cleavage.

“I thought I heard you crying, so I came to check on you.” He explained. “When I got to your tent, I realised you weren't, and I went back to my tent.” His eyes darted to your face before he closed the gap between you until he was practically on top of you. “I tried to ignore you, but I couldn't help myself.” He lifted your chin with his index and middle fingers, so you were staring at him through your lashes. Your lips parted slightly as your chest rose and fell, your heart pounding against your rib cage. “I kept hearing your moans and thinking about you in that tent, and it got me so - I had to -”

His eyes were dark, full of lust, and you instinctively licked your lips slightly. "You- couldn't help yourself, huh?" You asked. Joel arched his eyebrow and tentatively reached his hand up to your cheek. He traced his finger over your cheek gently, and you closed your eyes as you inhaled. "Hearing you moan my name," He said, running a path down your jaw to your neck, "it sounded too good."

You reached up, closing the gap between your lips. Without hesitation, Joel reciprocated the kiss, his hand still around your neck as the other slipped around your hips, resting on the bottom of your back, pulling you closer to him. His bulge pressed into your crotch and you could feel it getting harder as the kiss deepened. You tugged his brown, leather jacket from his shoulders while Joel started an assault on your neck. If this lasted forever, it still wouldn't be long enough.

"Is this a good idea?" You asked through the gasps as he nipped and sucked at your neck.

"Mhmm, giving me some mixed signals here." he mumbled against your skin before pulling away, his mouth inches from yours. "I think it's a fucking great idea. Don't you?"

“I'm not sure.” You confessed. Joel cupped your cheek with his hand and stroked your cheek with his thumb, his eyes soft, even if still full of lust. Was this a good idea? He'd spent weeks ignoring you, and it felt like Hell — but the way he kissed you, the way he touched you; it felt like Heaven.

"I don't care if it's a good idea or not." You replied, and Joel grinned.

"Good," he replied, "Because you have no idea how much I need you right now."

"Then show me." You said, and Joel growled before he pressed his lips against yours and instigated another passionate kiss, illicting a moan from you. He picked you up and dropped you onto the counter, spreading your legs so he could step in between them.

The kiss was messy, teeth and tongues clashing together as both sets of hands roamed each other's bodies. Joel's hands cupped and massaged your breasts as yours unbuttoned his jeans, using your heels to push them down his legs. One hand trailed a path from your breast to your stomach, dancing around the place you needed him the most.

"No panties, huh?" He said into your mouth, his finger tracing a path up your slit so gently, it was like he was using a feather. "I never would've known you were such a slut." His finger grazed your clit, and he grinned as you bucked your hips.

"Maybe if you'd acknowledged my existence, you might have found out earlier." You replied, grabbing his bulge through the fabric and squeezed, tight. Joel gasped into your mouth as he thrusted into your hand, and it was your turn to smirk against his mouth. If he could tease you, you could do the same, you thought as you slipped your hand into his boxers, relishing the feeling of his cock in your grasp.

Joel growled, his hips bucking before he shoved two fingers inside you without warning. A yelp mixed with a moan slipped from your mouth as you threw your head back, and Joel groaned. He kept his pace up, pushing his fingers in and out of you, feeling your walls clench around them as he watched your face contort with pleasure, your moans echoing throughout the kitchen. Not even his fantasies could have prepared him for how incredible this felt. If using just his fingers made him — made you feel this good, he couldn't wait to use his cock.

But he would wait. For weeks, you had — albeit unknowingly, driven him to the brink of insanity. Clouded his mind so he couldn't focus on anything; which is why he didn't notice the threat today, which almost cost you your life. So now, he had to drive you insane in the only way he could.

He dropped to his knees and pulled you by your legs so you were hanging off the counter. He then hoisted your legs over his shoulders, and you watched Joel as he studied your cunt — the look in his eyes resembled one of a wild animal, one that was finally allowed out of its cage, to roam free as its right. Yet, he was biting his lip; almost like he was holding onto that last tiny bit of control he had left. But you wanted — no, you needed the wild animal, and so you tangled your fingers into his hair. He looked up at you, locking eyes as he let you guide his head to where you needed him to be.

Shivers ran down your spine as his beard tickled you as he dragged his tongue over the skin on the inside of your thighs. Once again, he touched every piece of you, but not where you needed.

“Joel,” you whined, the grip on his hair getting tighter as you bucked your hips, "Please." You begged.

“Oh baby, you're already so wet.” he tutted, his finger running through your folds and teasing your entrance before he lifted it to your mouth and pushed it between your lips. “Your pretty pussy is glistening for me.”

You tasted a hint of your juices as you wrapped your tongue around his finger, keeping your gaze on him as you did. He groaned, imagining how good your mouth would feel wrapped around his cock. He pulled his finger out, and you gasped when he pushed it inside you. When he flicked your clit with the tip of his tongue, you gasped and arched your back. “Oh shit, fuck, Joel.”

Every sense was heightened as Joel flattened his tongue and lapped at you. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head when he swirled his tongue around your clit. You pushed yourself against him, practically hanging off the counter, making Joel grab your ass with both hands as he buried his face into you. With his beard grazing against you and his tongue pushing you further to release, your thighs gripped his head. Every single part of you was on fire as his assault on your cunt continued, and you could feel your orgasm brewing.

So could Joel, which was apparent as his pace got quicker, bringing in his fingers to help finish the job. With his thumb circling your clit and his tongue deep inside you, you reached your climax, Joel's name spilling from your mouth. As you threw your head back, grinding yourself against his face; you saw stars, all while Joel kept up the relenting pace.

He finally pulled away and stood up, grinning as he leaned towards you. His beard was glistening, and when he kissed you, you could taste yourself on him, mixing with the wine you had with dinner. Joel hooked his arms under your legs and scooped you off the counter; carrying you fireman style out the kitchen, through the sitting room and into the bedroom, where he dropped you on the bed. He crawled on top of you and dipped his head to kiss you. It was a soft, sweet kiss, one that you didn't want to end, so when it did, you whimpered, and Joel smiled softly.

“You still wanna do this?” He whispered. “We can stop if you want to.”

You leaned up on your elbows and gave him your answer with a kiss. He pressed his palm on your cheek and deepened the kiss, pushing you back down as he did. The two of you made out like two teenagers, and you could feel Joel's cock hardening against you. You slipped your hand in between your bodies and gripped his cock, rubbing the head against your entrance. Joel groaned, his head falling into your shoulder. He bit down as you pushed his cock inside yourself, your moans harmonising, the sensation almost too much.

Joel took over, grabbed your hands, and pinned them above your head. The animalistic look was in his eyes again, grunting with every thrust, his grip against your wrists tightening. You closed your eyes, and Joel growled.

“You thought about this while fucking yourself.” He said, his voice low. “Open your eyes and look at me while I fuck you.”

You opened your eyes and were met by Joel's big, brown ones that were now practically black. He fucked you harder, thrusting in and out as his thumb once again circled your clit. There was a ninety-eight percent chance that someone on the other side of the forest could hear everything, but at this moment neither of you cared. After weeks of awkwardness, of fantasising about each other while you touched yourselves, this felt right, like something had finally clicked into place — and you'd be damned if this was the first and only time it happened. Now you'd had a taste, you couldn't ever go back.

Joel picked up the pace, and you could once again feel your orgasm rising. You pulled Joel closer, your foreheads touching, your vision falling out of focus as you stared into Joel's eyes, but you refused to look away.

“Fuck, Joel, I'm so close” You whimpered, bucking your hips to meet his thrust, his cock hitting deeper each time you moved.

“If you keep doing that, I'm gonna -” Joel grunted, your synced thrusts getting faster. “Fuck, baby.” Joel moaned. “I'm gonna, shit -”

“Let go for me, Joel.” You whispered in his ear. “Come for me, and next time, I'll show you what I can do with my mouth.”

It only took a couple more thrusts before you and Joel finished together, and he slumped on top of you, breathing heavily. You lifted his head up, brushed his hair out his face, and smiled up at him, hearts practically in your eyes.

“So…” you said, and he reciprocated the smile. “Sooo…” He repeated.

“Are you going to be all weird with me again?” You teased, and Joel arched his eyebrow, a smirk dancing on his lips.

“I don't think so,” Joel replied, dipping his head for another kiss. “Especially if I want this to happen again.”

“Oh yeah? What makes you think we're doing this again?” You asked, and Joel grinned.

“Oh we're definitely doing that again.” Joel answered, and you giggled as he rolled off you and reached a blanket that was on a chair next to the bed. He flung it over the two of you before pulling you into his chest and pressing his lips against your temple. “I wanna know what you can do with that mouth.” He mumbled.

You giggled again, your heart fluttering as he linked his fingers around yours and kissed your knuckles. “Keep this up, and you'll find out.” You replied before a yawn slipped out.

“Alright you little tease, I think I can hold out until tomorrow.” Joel chuckled. “Right now, I think you need to sleep.”

You snuggled into Joel's chest, his fingers running through your hair. You never thought you'd be in this position, in bed with Joel Miller. You knew there was a lot more to talk about, but right now, you didn't care. You just focused on Joel's heartbeat under your head, on his fingers in your hair. Focused on how — even though there were still many dangers to staying in this cabin, it was still the safest you'd been in a long time.

The last thing you heard as you drifted into a peaceful sleep was a quiet confession from Joel; one you weren't sure you were actually meant to hear. “I'll always keep you safe. Even if it means giving my life.”

#joel miller #joel miller fic #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #the last of us fic #tlou fic #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal #smut writing #my writing*

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jarofstyles · 11 months

Text

Deep Inside

Wolfrry breeding, as popular demand.

Check out our Patreon for early access and exclusive writings.

Warnings: knotting, breeding kink, slight primal play, degradation if you squint

WC- 2.1k

——-

Harry’s eyes stayed intently on her. Holding a little pup in her lap, cradled carefully on her thighs as she sat against the tree with her fingers stroking back wispy hair. He could hear the soft coos over the crackling fire, their weekly bonfire giving the Alpha pair a chance to bind with their pack and let them feel more secure in their leadership.

Y/N always had a soft spot for the pups, but this was a new baby. A new addition to the pack and the first bonfire for the little one. The mother was happy to hand Y/N her pup. It was a great honor to have the alpha female dote and care for your pup. No one would refuse that. There were whispers that the alpha female of every pack would grant blessings each time the pup was held by her, so no one in their right mind would hesitate to hand them over.

It was even more so with his mate. She was a natural with them. Gentle and soft and her demeanor strong enough to demand the respect she deserved, yet tender enough for the pups to trust and crave her presence. They followed her around and liked to show her their tricks and toys while she happy observed when she had the time. Babies were some of her favorite though.

Harry couldn’t help but selfishly enjoy the sight. Her fingers playing with the chubby cheeks and tickling the little soft tummy, making the baby giggle with joy. Little pudgy fingers grasped her fingers, which Y/N brought to her own mouth to feign eating them with a comical noise. The pup let out a squeal of comical delight, kicking his little legs at the motion.

“You’re incredible, aren’t you? Strong little wolf.” Harry approached quietly, not a sound made as to not disturb his love or the pup in her grasp. “Yes. You are. So strong and fierce, but you must never forget to have a gentle heart underneath the warrior walls. Okay? Your mate will thank you for it. You are to be kind… generous… sharp as a whip.” The baby gurgled in reply, making Y/N laugh. “Mhm… exactly.” Her finger tapped the little nose, watching it scrunch up. “But you see… your Alpha is trying to pretend he isn’t watching me play with you. It’s very distracting for me.”

Damn. He had been caught. A light chuckle left his chest, arms crossed as he emerged from his shadowy hiding spot and leaned against the tree to look down at the baby. The giggles stopped, a wide eyed look taking over the face- but no discomfort. His little legs kicked again, hand raising up as if to point before looking back at Y/N.

“Yes. That is your alpha. The strongest wolf in all of the lands.” She whispered. “One day you will fight beside him to take care of our pack. Maybe you will have another passion as well!” She squeezed his feet. “But he will make sure you are protected until you can protect yourself. Your father, him, all the pack. You are safe!” She cooed, making Harry’s heart grow a few sizes.

“His mother is looking for him.” He murmured to her, looking at the pup. She was, but Harry was feeling very interested in something else right now. “We are needed inside for a moment, my love. Let’s return him and then we can take care of the issue inside.”

—

Harry’s energy was big today. Y/N had a feeling she knew why he was crowding her space as they walked inside, excitement stinging her spine and warmth flooding her stomach. His hands had held her hips as he shuffled her towards his office, kicking the door shut behind him as his dark eyes took her in. He was hunting her.

“You know what it does to me.” He whispered, pressing her against the front of his desk. “What it calls to when I see you cradling pups that way. When you… lay there and allow me to watch you do the things I’ve been dreaming about for ages.” He dragged his nails over her sides, catching slightly on the material of her long dress. It was a gauzy material, one of his favorites from how it flowed behind her and made her the ethereal vision she always deserved to be admired as- but he was hating any barrier at the moment.

“It’s tradition, Alpha.” She was baiting his wolf,’knowing damn well what she was doing with those soft eyes and gentle voice. Fingers brushing through his long hair and tugging a bit at the little snares it had gotten,’making him growl. “I’m whispering blessings to babies. Shouldn’t that please you?” Her head tilted to the side, her calculating gaze hot and heavy as she leaned back slightly. “I always try to please you.”

“And you do. You do it so well… but I think it should be time that you do that to our pups.” He grunted, fingers bunching up the thin fabric and pulling it up. “You should be full of me, bred properly like the good mate you are. You should show everyone how taken you are, how good you take my cock. Stuff you full of me, my knot, our children….” He pulled the fabric above her hips. “I need it. I’m done waiting.”

He had been patient. They’d played around- but he was tired of waiting. Y/N was too, or she would have stopped him. But she was wet, dripping down her thighs at his words and the walk back. She had been well aware of his gaze and what it meant. He was going to fill her up to the brim with his cum and make it stick this time, and she ached for it.

“Then stop waiting.�� Her finger traced his lip, a little gasp escaping as he caught the tip with his teeth and growled. “Take what you want.” Y/N finished the job, pulling the dress over her head and letting it fall before turning from his grasp and bending over the desk. She knew exactly what she was doing- giving him a mounting position and breaking his last straw.

It didn’t take long for her to feel the bare tip of his cock pressing inside of her. A pathetic whine left her throat, gripping the desk as she felt her cunt begin that stretch she loved oh so much. His prick sliding inside of her inch by inch, his hot breath washing over her back as he pressed wet kisses to her shoulder blades. Lettin mg every little bit of his cock fill her up until his balls were rested snug up against her and she began to squirm, a weak thrust up trying to get him to move.

“Stop.” He snarled, biting down on her shoulder in warning. “Lay there and take my cock like the good bitch y’are.” His voice was so deep, so rough, it had her eyes rolling back into her head. The man was everything to her, every little thing he did making her feel even more desperate. “Got to make sure you’re stretched. You’re soaked but it’s so tight…” he ground into her, curling his hand back around her throat as he arched her up.

“Oh my…. Fuck.” Y/N whispered, panting as she felt him pull out to slam back in, making her jolt over the desk. She never tired of the feeling of his cock taking up every bit of space inside of her body. “I love your cock, Alpha. I love it, I need it. Gimme more? Give it.” She tired to push back against him again, her cunt sweet and soft around his aching length. Harry loved being inside of her and feeling how she reacted to him.

“I’m going to give it all to you, you filthy little thing. Teasing me by being so sweet with the little ones… finally need to give me our own. Need to give you some to grow.” He grunted, beginning his brutal pace. He was on a mission to knock her up, to get her full and make it stick inside of her. It was time to start the breeding process and her body reacted beautifully.

Y/N was pliant under her, whimpering and whining as Harry did what he did best. Aggressive and hot, she let him handle her in the way he needed. Every single movement and bite had her floating, submitting to the Alpha the way the gods intended for her to do. His cock was thick and long, curved just right to hit the spot that had her cunt leaking down his balls. The feral sounds filled the office, her nails scratching marks into the priceless desk while he fucked her rough. His growls were against her ear, soaking up each and every noise his mate made as his cock wrecked her.

“There- there, alpha. Please stay right there, it’s gonna make me cum.” She pleaded, working through the squeal she had met out when he has shifted his hips just so. His filthy mouth was the cherry on top of the rough fuck that brought out the animalistic side of them.

“Just lay there and let me fuck you” he panted into her ear, the vibration of his words making her shiver. “You’re such a good little bitch. Laying out and letting your alpha use your hole the way it’s meant to be used.” He nuzzled against her neck thrusting into her at the deep pace she had begged for. It was a nasty mess in the room. Anyone inside the hall could smell it if they walked past, the scent of their sex and desperation clinging to the walls. The sounds were echoing through the room, the grunts and growls and her sloppy cunt being wrecked by his cock, Y/N unable to keep quiet with her little whines.

“My perfect little mate. You were made for me. Made t’have my children. I want to watch you swell with them… taste your breasts when they leak. I want to make you a mother, my love.” He slurred against her neck, feeling the beginnings of his knot. “M’gonna stuff you full of my knot and my load, make it stick. Get you pregnant and bred up for me the way you should stay. Gonna do it over n’over until it takes. I can’t stand it anymore.” He needed to have her pregnant. It didn’t feel like a want but a need.

“Please, alpha. Please breed me, I want it. I want it so bad, I want our babies, I want…” she sobbed out in pleasure and desperation. “Want to feel full. Want you to own me. Please, please- I feel it.” She said frantically. “I feel your knot, give it to me. Give it to me, put it in, knot me. Breed me, Harry.” She snarled, her nails digging into his wrist as he held her throat. He owned her, yes, but she owned him too.

A roar of pleasure hit the room as Harry caved to his mate’s requests. His knot catching and flaring inside to lock them together as she came all over his cock, her body convulsing slightly under him as she sobbed out his name. She was so full, so overwhelmed as she felt his body cover hers and rock inside as the ropes of cum continued to fill her.

“Give it, Harry. Give me all of it.” She whimpered, a tear dragging down her cheek. “Give me all of your cum. I want it to catch. Want your babies inside of me. Give me the pups.”

“It’s there, my love. It’s there. My perfect little breeding bitch.” He sighed, the pleasure still shooting through him as his cum shot into her in its heavy ribbons. Y/N shuddered under him, feeling every single throb of his cock as she was filled. It was one of her favorite feelings and Harry loved to give it to her.

“I love you. It’ll stick. M’gonna make sure you’re pregnant.” He turned her face to catch her lips, groaning happily into her mouth as her cunt milked his knot for all it was worth. “It’s coming soon. Don’t worry.”

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navybrat817 · 8 months

Note

I need Bucky to use me. 😭🥺

Let's imagine, shall we?

As He Sees Fit

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Word Count: Over 600 words

Warnings: Talk of free use, vaginal and oral sex. Nonsense written on my phone.

Bucky has been holding back. He knows he has. Whether it's because of his strength thanks to the serum or the pent-up aggression he feels after not being in control of his body for so long, he's liable to snap. And you're the last person he wants to hurt.

But he'd be lying if he said he hasn't thought about it. Bending you over the nearest surface and shoving himself into your deliciously wet heat. He won't give you the chance to steady yourself. He'll position you the way he needs and pull you back on his cock as you chant his name for anyone nearby to hear. Maybe you don't need to wear underwear anymore. Just let slide home when he needs it.

He also imagines putting you on your knees at his leisure and fucking your throat until you nearly choke on him. Oh, how wrecked you'll look with tears streaming down your cheeks, drool seeping from the corners of your mouth as you try to keep up with his pace. You'll rub your thighs together to get some friction, but he won't let you get off until he finishes.

Down your throat or on your face, you'll be such a pretty mess either way.

Still, he holds back, his shackles raised as he kisses you. He loves you more than he can ever imagine loving anyone else. It's why he wants to take care of you. It's also why he wants to ruin you so thoroughly, destroy your holes with his cock and flood your insides so he can own you.

Is it wrong to want that when it feels so right?

"Quit being so careful with me, Bucky. Seriously," you tell him when you pull your mouth away to breathe, as if you knew exactly what he was thinking. "Fuck me the way you need to."

He growls as he grabs your hips, trying to stop you from getting closer. His cock is painfully hard with the need to feel you around him. One of your holes. Any of your holes. "You make it sound so easy, but you don't know what you're asking for."

An angelic laugh bubbles up, but there's a hint of darkness in your eyes. "I'm not asking. I'm telling you. I won't break."

"Maybe I wanna break you. Control you. Use you as my cockslut whenever I want," he says through his teeth, the restraint inside unraveling with each passing second. "But you-"

"If you thought I couldn't handle you or that I didn't want that, you never would've started fucking me in the first place," you argue, peppering soft kisses along his jaw as he exhales. "So control me. fuck me. Use. Me. Please?"

You know he's a ticking time bomb, ready to explode. Why should he deny himself what he wants when you're asking for it? When you're telling him to fuck you selfishly?

His restraint snaps.

"I want you to remember how much I love since I'm about to fuck you like I don't," he warns, smirking when he flips you on your stomach, your hands scrambling to hold onto something as he tears the remainder of your clothes away. "And you'll thank me after I ruin your holes."

He'll thank you, too.

It's almost brutal how hard he slams into you, but your moan of ecstasy only spurs him on. It's what you both need, for him to unleash all of himself and you to take it. He'll keep an eye out for your signal if it's too much, of course.

But for now, he's going to use you as he sees fit.

Love and thanks! ❤️

#navybrat writes #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x female!reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x female reader #james buchanan barnes #james barnes #james buchanan barnes x reader #james barnes x reader

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bachissidehoe · 3 months

Text

A love triangle with Nagi & Reo

Nagi just never told you how he felt, feelings would be a hassle. Especially when he considers the thought that you may not return them, and then he has to deal with the hassle of losing you in his life. He’s known you since middle school, where you were the reason he studied hard enough to make it into this school. You let him live his lazy life, give him company when he wants it and leave him alone when he would rather keep to himself. He can’t imagine a better life than one with you.

Reo met Nagi and felt an instant connection. Nagi is not only exactly what he’s been looking for as a soccer player to take their high school team to the top, he’s also everything Reo wants in a partner. Someone who can match him in talent, make him think differently about himself and the world, and someone to fight for. All Reo has ever wanted is to be with someone who doesn’t care about his money, his grades- someone who isn’t trying to use him for personal gain. And Nagi is just perfect, he doesn’t need Reo at all, and Reo can’t imagine anything better than that.

You really didn’t want to fall for Reo, he’s every girl’s dream boy. Hot, smart, athletic, and kind (and rich), he checks every box. But literally everyone wants him, he can get anyone he wants, it was so inconvenient when you found yourself falling for him right along with everyone else. But how could you not? When he takes you by the hand to let you sit front and center at his practices and games, when he thanks you for taking such good care of his “treasure” (your best friend Nagi), when he flashes you a gorgeous smile as his eyes sparkle. You feel special every time he talks to you, looks at you, gives you even the slightest bit of attention. You can’t imagine anything better than someone who makes you feel loved like Reo does.

*****

“I have to tell you-”

“I have to tell you something too.” Reo interrupts you, his expression full of urgency yet slightly relieved, assuming he knows exactly what you’re about to tell him.

Truthfully, you decided it’s finally time to confess to him, it’s been long enough. He should at least know, even if he does reject you.

“Okay, you go.” You smile, urging him to go first. Your heart races, hoping he’ll return your feelings before you even have to deal with the embarrassment of confessing.

“I- I really like Nagi.” Reo says confidently. He’s nervous, but he stands tall. He shouldn’t feel so nervous about feelings like this, he always gets what he wants, after all.

“I- you-” You stutter, the thoughts flooding your brain faster than you can think of a proper response. It makes so much sense, Reo’s “treasure”, the way he’s expressed wanting to take care of Nagi, how he’s started showing up to drive him to school, how he always tries to get alone time with him. It’s so obvious, and you’ve been hogging him away from Nagi, selfishly acting on your feelings instead of trying to help Nagi explore his own.

“Oh, you’re surprised? I thought I was being too obvious.” Reo chuckles.

“No! It makes sense! I just- um-” You pause, trying to find a way to get through the conversation without crying.

“She wanted to tell you that she likes you.”

A familiar voice interrupts the conversation, where you turn to see your snowy-haired best friend poking his head into the empty classroom. Clearly, he was looking for the two of you, showing up at perhaps the worst time.

“Nagi! No- I don’t- um, Reo was just saying-” You try to save it, try to make this less embarrassing, but all you can do is fight back tears.

“Yeah, he was saying he likes me. I know he does.” Nagi pulls his bag straps tight against his shoulders, standing up tall for once. It’s easy to forget how damn tall he is when he’s always slouching. “But I know you like him, and I like you, and that’s all a hassle, so I left it alone.” He sighs.

“Wait-” Reo starts, processing the information. “You like her, she likes me, and I like you? Oh boy.” He scratches behind his head. “Is that what you were going to tell me, y/n?”

You only nod, still trying to process that Nagi basically confessed to you just now. How could you not have seen it?

You look at Nagi, who looks at Reo, who looks at you. Suddenly, Nagi looks different to you, he’s honestly beautiful. You can’t imagine your life without him, and watching him discover a recent passion has been an amazing journey. Nagi looks at Reo, seeing someone who’s helped him grow into a new person, a person he’s starting to like much more than his old self. A life with Reo in it sounds amazing. And Reo looks at you, seeing a beautiful girl who has supported him every day, giggling and laughing with him and encouraging him to chase his dreams. You haven’t used him for a single thing, thinking only of his happiness.

The three of you stand in a triangle as you look between each other. And you can’t help but laugh.

“Yeah.” You smile. “I like you too Nagi. And I do like you, Reo.” You shrug.

“I do like you y/n. And of course, Nagi.” Reo smiles.

“I like you y/n. And I think I do like you too, Reo.” Nagi cracks a light smile.

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houseofripley · 3 months

Text

Her Party Girl

Rhea Ripley X Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Rhea has her way with you after you misbehaved at the club.

WARNINGS: 18+, SMUT, Aggressive Language, Slapping, Spanking, Orgasm Denial. Edging, Brief mention of implied Choking, Strap-On, Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Mommy Kink, and a teensy bit of fluff as a treat.

WORD COUNT: 3,230 A/N: Just a little something I threw together last night. This is literally my first fic please don't kill me if it's dogshit!!!

Everyone knew you had a reputation. Headlines seemingly popped up nearly every week about what sort of trouble you got caught up in the night before. You didn’t care about whatever the news said, they didn’t matter to you. You had convinced yourself Rhea didn’t care either, she hadn’t brought it up so you figured you were in the clear.

Rhea began getting fed up with your behavior about a month prior. She was sick of the near-daily drunk calls in the middle of the night while she was away. It killed her not knowing exactly where you were and who you were with. One thing about Rhea is that she is a possessive mother fucker.

Rhea came to the conclusion she needed to keep her eye on you as much as possible to calm her worries. She was currently on a WWE Live tour and had you flown into the city she was in.

For weeks Rhea kept you under a lock and key but recently she had been more lenient. She didn’t care for the bars and party scene but the constant begging got to her, she had to give in at some point.

The two of you made a deal, you were allowed to party only if Rhea was with you and only if she could have her way with you right after.

Tonight Rhea had just lost a match with Becky, and she was fuming. As soon as she left the ring she bolted backstage shoving past fellow wrestlers and crew to get to her tiny locker room. You were there waiting for her but as soon as you saw Rhea slam the door open you knew something was wrong.

“Jesus Christ, Rhea baby, what's wrong?” You questioned as you stood up from the couch, examining the woman's demeanor.

“She fucking pinned me!” Rhea shouted at you. You knew not to touch her when she was pissed but you couldn’t help yourself. You draped your arms over Rhea’s neck as you told her “Hey hey it's okay…it’s not a serious deal, it’s just one little show. I need you to calm down baby.”

“Rhea Ripley doesn’t fucking lose, especially not to goddamn Becky Lynch!” Rhea yelled at you while grabbing both of your arms with a painful grip. You knew she couldn’t help it… she was naturally aggressive. Ignoring the pain she was causing you, you sat her down on the couch and removed your arms from her neck. Rhea slowly let go of the hold she had on your arm.

You let Rhea compose herself before handing her the pile of her streetwear. Rhea slipped into her jeans and threw on an unbuttoned tee over her sports bra before slouching back into the couch.

“How about we go out and take all that stress off your shoulders,” You offered whilst packing up Rhea’s bags.

Of course, you wanted Rhea to let loose by getting a few drinks in her but you selfishly needed an excuse to go get plastered.

“Absolutely not. I’m not dealing with that nonsense tonight.” She scorned as you found your way onto her lap. “I got all dolled up for you, are you really gonna make me sit in a hotel room all night?.” You pouted in return.

“I said no.” Rhea sternly raised her voice at you. She gave you a toughened stare trying to pick apart your thoughts.

You figured out Rhea’s kryptonite, one simple word. Over the past several months of your relationship, you took note of Rhea’s behavior shift after using one particular word. Tonight you wanted to abuse the hell out of that word.

“Oh, but Mami I know you’ll have so much fun…” You whined in her ear, her hands gripping at your sides the moment you let that word out of your mouth.

Rhea shot a look at you, letting out a heavy breath. She had caved and you knew it. “I guess I can make some time for you baby…tonight only.” Rhea hummed out. She was pissed about going out…but that damn word…it did things to her. You pecked her lips innocently knowing you got exactly what you wanted.

After the two of you dropped Rhea’s bag off at the hotel you dragged her to a nearby club down the street. You had wasted no time ordering a shot of tequila as well as Rhea’s go-to, a neat whiskey. You ushered Rhea to a small booth right near the dance floor. Rhea kept quiet and stayed in her seat trying to enjoy her whiskey while you made multiple trips to the bar ordering an array of drinks over the span of forty minutes.

You pulled out your phone, snapping a picture of Rhea as she examined the club around her. “Oh c’mon,” She grouched. “You look like you want to kill everyone in here, it's a little sexy,” You joked before adding “I’ll be right back.”

“Alright that’s enough you don’t need anymore.” She snapped at you as you came back to the table with two shots of vodka. You pouted as you handed her one of the shots “Are you gonna come dance with me Mr. Grumpy Pants?” Rhea shot you a glare and shook her head as she shooed you away. “Your loss, Mami.” You teased before downing your shot and walking out to the dance floor.

You knew Rhea was eye fucking you while you were out dancing so you made sure to put on a show for her. You “accidentally” lifted your skirt to show the bottom half of your ass knowing no matter how pissed the woman acted she was going insane for you.

Just several minutes later a man approached you asking if you’d like to take a shot with him and his buddies. You knew Rhea would put you through hell if she saw you drinking anymore but she was occupied closing your tab. It was a free shot of course you had to take it. You went up to the end of the bar and had one last shot. But the second your shot glass hit the table you knew you had fucked up.

Rhea was storming towards you looking more furious than ever. She stole your hand and started dragging you out of the club, making sure to shove her shoulder into the guy who had offered you a drink. “Oh c’mon! You expect me to say no to a free drink?! I was saving you money!! ” You blurted out once you got to the street. You were practically running as you tried to keep up with the woman as she led you back to your hotel without saying one word.

The second the door to your room had latched, Rhea drove you against the nearest wall leaving virtually no space between the two of you. “You think you're so cute whoring yourself out for drinks from strangers don't you?” She snarled inches from your lips. You kept your mouth shut as you dozed off staring into Rhea’s deep blue eyes.

“Answer me you fucking slut.” She demanded as she delivered a slap across your left cheek. In return, you just smirked making sure to not make a sound. That smile of yours drove Rhea insane, she lost all control as she shoved her lips onto yours whilst backing you up to the edge of the bed.

Rhea had shoved you down onto the bed before immediately connecting your lips again. You matched every sloppy movement the buff woman made. “I’m gonna ruin you whether you like it or not you little brat.” She whispered, trailing her lips down to your neck. Her lips attacked your neck as she left multiple bites causing you to let out a series of whines.

While Rhea spent her sweet time focusing on your neck her hands found themselves tugging off your shirt and discarding it on the floor. Once she had discovered you weren't wearing a bra she pulled away. “What a slut…couldn’t even cover yourself up this morning.” She commented as she admired your top half.

Rhea lowered herself to your chest, licking right across your nipple as a moan escaped your mouth. She knew she was driving you insane as she lapped her tongue in circles around your nipples. As you squirmed underneath her touch she managed to yank your skirt off.

A whiny moan left your mouth once Rhea’s thumb began making circles over your clit, the fabric of your flooded panties adding even more pleasure. “So soaked for me already hm, you’ve been wanting Mami all night haven’t you,” Rhea snarled, leaving you speechless. You knew you were in deep shit and you were paying for the actions that happened just twenty-five minutes ago.

As soon as Rhea knew she had you folding under her touch she pulled away. She stood up between your legs as she tore off her unbuttoned shirt. “Too bad naughty girls don’t get to be touched,” Rhea fake pouted. She wasn’t going to touch you until you were begging. She needed to hear your pleading.

Rhea’s full frame stood at the edge of the bed stalking your every move. Your right hand snaked down your stomach before being swatted away by Rhea. A whimpered “Please” broke your silent streak. Rhea bent over your face, her warm breaths melting your skin “Oh baby I’m nowhere even near started and I already have you so worked up. Poor thing…it’s gonna take a lot more than a pathetic please before I touch you.” She whispered before standing upright again.

“Please! I need you to touch me!” You crashed out. Rhea gave you a look of pity mixed with anger, you knew she wanted more. “I’ll be such a good girl for you!! I just need your touch!” You earned a simple smirk from Rhea.

“Mami!” You cried out in frustration. There it was, exactly what she was looking for. “I’ll do anything Mami! Please!!! Touch me Mami!” You whined.

The grin on Rhea’s face grew larger. “Mmm what a naughty girl you are.” Rhea huffed out

“Now tell me what you want from Mami,” She said, kneeling down right in front of your core that was near the edge of the bed. “Your mouth Mami!” You begged.

Rhea looked up at you as she planted a kiss on your clothed clit. “You want Mami’s mouth right here don’t you?” She teased, causing you to let out a pathetic whimper. “Right there!” You cried before Rhea pulled your panties off in a swift motion causing you to let out a gasp at the sensation of the cold air against your wetness.

Rhea needed to taste you as much as you needed her tongue in between your folds. But Rhea wasn’t done teasing you, not yet. She enjoyed hearing your whimpers as she kissed and licked stripes over your inner thighs. “Please Mami, I need your mouth. I’ll be such a good girl for you!” You pleaded as she drove you insane.

“Pathetic little girl.” Rhea taunted under her breath before finally diving her tongue between your folds. She kept her eyes looking up at you, she loved seeing how much she satisfied you.

Rhea’s tongue slipped right into your entrance as her nose rested on your clit. All you could spit out were yelps and moans. Rhea had gone back to tracking her tongue up and down your center.

She slipped her middle finger into you causing you to let out a string of moans. Once you had gotten a feel for her finger, Rhea knew you would want more and that's exactly why she pulled her finger out. You cried out her name begging to be touched again.

She hadn't forgotten the little stunt you pulled earlier and she wasn't gonna let you forget either. She pulled herself up off the floor and hovered her face over yours, placing her clothed leg right against your core. “I need you,” You cried out. “You were being such a naughty girl earlier. Mami thinks you need to be punished for that.” She menacingly said before flipping you onto your stomach.

You pushed your ass up in the air knowing exactly what you were in for. Rhea delivered a slap to your ass just before you sharply gasped. You heard the sound of Rhea’s belt being slipped out of her jeans. “No no no!!! Mami please no! It won’t happen again I swear!!” You wailed.

The woman just ignored you as she slashed her belt down on your soft skin causing you to scream out. “Count.” She demanded. Rhea made you count all ten lashings she gave you. She had you braindead between each lashing she gave you.

“Such a good girl for Mami, now let me see your pretty little pussy.” Rhea declared while flipping you over and spreading your legs. The large woman kneeled back down before attacking your clit with her tongue, sending shock waves through your spine.

You covered your mouth to quiet the moans coming from you as she devoured you. Rhea slipped two of her fingers into you while using her other hand to pull your hand away from your mouth. “I want this whole floor to hear how good I’m treating you baby.” She hummed against your clit whilst curling her fingers inside you.

Rhea knew all of your weak spots and she made sure they didn't go unnoticed. As her tongue piercing rocked over your clit back and forth you were about to come undone. “Mami I’m gonna cum!” You howled before Rhea growled out, “No you’re not angel, you’re gonna be a good girl and wait until you get permission.” Rhea slipped her fingers out of your hole as she stood up.

“Please Mami I need you, you make me feel so go-” You were interrupted by Rhea's lips crashing onto yours as her fingers found their way back into you. You took a hold of her midnight hair tugging at her roots, in return Rhea let out muffled groans into your mouth. It drove her crazy whenever you pulled on her hair, she would never admit it but it was obvious by her responses.

Rhea felt your walls tighten around her curling her two fingers, she pulled her thumb up to your clit beginning to drag circles around your bud. You were a drunk mess under her, your breath getting heavier.

As you were nearly unable to control your orgasm you were hit with that same feeling of defeat you felt moments ago as Rhea had yet again pulled away from your touch. All you could was cry out praying for her to touch you again. You knew you pissed her off but this was borderline tortuous.

“You poor thing,” Rhea fake pouted, chuckling as she walked towards your suitcase. Rhea knew you would bring her strap, she shoved her way around your suitcase for a moment before pulling it out. Rhea made her way towards you before removing her jeans and boyshorts.

You bucked your hips up into the air watching her put her strap on. “So needy,” She smirked, “You want to cum all over my cock don’t you baby…”

“I need to cum on your cock!! Mami please let me cum on your cock!” You pleaded.

Rhea just had to tease you one last time as she repeatedly put her tip in, pulling it out right after.

Once the buff woman was satisfied with your series of cries and whimpers she slowly filled you up. You let out a string of moans and cusses as Rhea took a firm grip of your thighs and began thrusting slowly. “Mhm-taking Mami’s cock so good baby.” She hummed, taking in your view.

As you started rocking your hips against her thrusts she began to pick up her speed. Rhea knew you liked it when she fucked you hard but she would always make sure you were fully ready for her cock. Your moans and Rhea’s coos echoed in the bare hotel room.

She took hold of your hips as she was thrusting to a speed the both of you clearly went crazy for. Rhea’s main focus was always pleasuring you but tonight the pressure Rhea felt on her core with every thrust was sending her over the edge. She wanted to cum with you.

“Mami,” You whimpered, rocking your hips up and down as her hands trailed around your neck and chest.

“Shhhh…soon baby.” She reassured, lowering her chest to yours, you tugged at her sports bra signaling you wanted her to remove it.

Rhea threw her bra across the room as her thrusts were becoming faster and more sloppy. The two of you were a moaning and groaning mess.

Rhea wrapped her hand around the base of your throat. Hovering over you she muffled out “Now are you gonna be a good girl for me from now on.” Her words were more of a demand rather than a question and you knew if you didn’t answer you wouldn’t be able to cum for the next month.

“Oh fuck! I’m gonna be such a good girl for you!” You squealed out moaning. “Please Please Please Mami!” You begged once again.. You both couldn’t hang on much longer as each thrust grew sloppier.

“Go ahead baby, I want you to cum all over Mami’s cock.” Rhea urged you to finally let go.

The two of you slurred out profanities as the both of you let go of all your built up tension. Sloppy kisses were exchanged as the both of you rode out your orgasms. ”Such a pretty girl,” Rhea whispered right in your ear sending shivers down your spine.

A final wail left our mouth as Rhea pulled out of you. Rhea swiped her finger across the strap stealing a sample of your cum before licking her finger clean. She helped you sit up at the edge of the bed before getting another pile of your sweetness on the pad of her thumb.

“Open up sweet girl” She requested, you obeyed opening your mouth before sucking Rhea's finger clean. Rhea stood over you as she licked her teeth. “God baby you’re making me want to fuck you all over again.” She teased leaving you giggling. Rhea got a warm rag and began carefully cleaning you up then began cleaning herself up.

Rhea plopped herself onto the bed pulling you to lay on her chest. Your aftercare was one of the most important things to Rhea, she knew she was rough on you so she always made time to hold you close to her never wanting you to feel like just a toy for her. The two of you silently admiring each other's faces from inches away, admiring the intricacies of eyes, combing fingers through hair, tracing invisible shapes on arms. Little kisses were littered across each other's faces. It was just the two of you, no clothes, no music, no distractions, maybe some smeared makeup but hey you can’t deny how attractive her in-ring makeup was all smeared.

“You’re gonna be so hungover in the morning,” Rhea broke the silence with her sly comment. “And you’re gonna be the one taking care of me so I guess I’m the winner here!” You nudged her arm leaving her sarcastically rolling her eyes.

The both of you fell back into your comfortable silence. You could stay in her arms forever. No matter what wringer she put you through she was your home.

#rhea ripley smut #rhea ripley fanfic #rhea ripley x reader #rhea ripley oneshot #wwe x reader #rhea ripley x you #rhea ripley angst #rhea ripley imagine #wwe smut #rhea ripley fluff

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azrielsmate87 · 5 months

Text

Small Dilemma

Azriel x reader

(I live in the Uk, the average height for women is five three here. Ive googled it multiple times 😂)

Sneaking out of bed proved to be a challenge. Especially when the bed was warm, cozy with your mate that had his arms wrapped tightly around you. Usually you’d revel in these moments with him and the pea full look on his face, but Az treated you to a surprise date last night, knowing you had a rough week at work. He wanted to see you relaxed at home, and selfishly spend some quality time with his mate. Neither of you made it home however. You both decided that you should stay in the town house as it was closer then your cabin on the outskirts of velaris and Az didn’t have the patience to winnow you home but rather his old room.

After the wonderful events of last night you decided to make him some coffee as he’s usually grumpy without it, bless him. It was the least you could do. You wanted to do something nice even if it was small compared to the wonderful evening prior. After what felt like forever you managed to carefully wiggle out of his arms and quietly make your way to the kitchen. It was different to yours obviously as yours was small but cozy. The one at the town house had servants preparing an array of foods for breakfast that seemed to all scatter at your arrival.

“Forgot Rhys had kitchen staff” you mumbled not deterred by your mission to make your mate some coffee while you make yourself from tea. One other small thing you forgot about….. the height difference.

Being on the verge of average height meant you were a little on the small side. But you had read all the height statistics you could find in the library to attempt to stop the short quips from the inner circle. Key word being attempt. If anything they found your stubbornness / annoyance funny, frequently comparing you to an angry kitten. Even though you were a solid 3 inches taller then Amren, even more so in heels.

The mugs were located in a cupboard above the worktops, this place was clearly designed for those who where over 5’5 5’6 so you couldn’t exactly reach. Jumping up onto the counter top you could reach the handle. Relieved that it was only a small jump needed and not some manoeuvre you’d have to think off. However your moment of relief was short lived as your stupid mate interrupted you.

“Need me to get that for you love?” He smirked leaning against the door frame shadows dancing round him, some slithering up your arms and into your hair. Distracting you from your task ay hand. No! You came this far! You’ve done it all by yourself! Why now does he have to ruin the nice thing you’ve been trying to do for him for the past ten minutes!?

“Are you insulting the vertically challenged?!” You yelled. Ok so maybe it wasn’t Az who was grumpy in the morning without caffeine….

He smiled and let out a small laugh holding your gaze for a couple moments before holding his hands in surrender and retreating to the living room.

Happy that he left you finally opened the cupboard, you froze. “I could of sworn the mugs were on the bottom shelf” you mumbled looking at the mugs that were on the back of the top shelf as they looked back mocking you. Looking at the width of the counter you swung your feet up and tried to find footing to stand. Determined to do this for Az. Slowly standing with one foot in front of the other you quickly realised this was a stupid idea and that you’d loose your balance the minuet you added weight to a side.

“Dammit!”

After hopping down, you slowly made your way towards Az. Head hung low as you acknowledge defeat. He knew you were there, you could see his shadows whispering in his ears. After a few moments he met your gaze quirking an eyebrow, smug look on his face. Bastard.

“Help meeeee” you whined. He smiled and walked into the kitchen with you trailing after him. “I just wanted to do something nice for you after yesterday” you confessed into his chest while hugging him tightly as he grabbed the mugs. He put them down to return the hug murmuring a sweet “I know” into your hair giving you a soft squeeze.

He then felt bad for getting his shadows to move the mugs when you weren’t looking.

#acotar #a court of thorns and roses #a court of wings and ruin #acomaf #a court of mist and fury #azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fanfic #fluff

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samaraannhan20 · 2 months

Text

Austin Butler: College AU! Hostage Situation

Warnings: age gap, college! reader, I think that's all

inspired by this tik tok

“Are you sure you have to leave tomorrow night?” I ask Austin as I walk back into our bedroom.

“Yes,” he says with a light chuckle, and I groan, throwing my head back and staring at the ceiling as I walk towards the bed.

“Really? Can’t you stay just another day?” I say, climbing onto the bed and promptly onto Austin’s lap.

“I wish. Press starts the afternoon after I get in though. I have to leave on time,” he responds, leaning forward and pressing his lips to mine.

“Have I ever told you how little I enjoy the press season?” I ask him, and he laughs.

“Yes, all the time,” he says with a laugh, and then leans forward pressing another peck onto my lips. “However, after this press tour you’ll almost be done with school, and will be able to come with me on the Bikeriders press tour, since it got pushed.”

“That’s true. I know that the strike was awful and it sucked that you couldn’t promote your stuff, but selfishly I was glad to have that extra time with you, especially since it was right around when we started planning our wedding.”

“Yeah we were lucky and we got too used to it. But I’ll only be gone for a month this time, and then I’ll be here and we can keep working on wedding stuff, and you can graduate, and then we can go on vacation and the next press tour together,” he says, squeezing my waist where his hands are resting.

“I don’t want to go thirty days without you though. That’s forever,” I say, and lay my head down on his chest.

“It’s not the longest we’ve been apart though,” he responds, and I roll off of him and onto my back on my side of the bed, laying on my back.

“I know. But it’s going to feel like forever. Especially since we’re missingValentines Day, and our anniversary a week later,” I say, rolling onto my side to look at him. He shifts down and lays down on his side as well, reaching a hand out and gently stroking my cheek.

“It’ll be okay. It won’t be the first holiday we miss, and it probably won’t be the last.” I sigh and lean into his hand, and we fall asleep in exactly that position.

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

“Good morning honey,” I say as I turn over when I wake up in the morning. Austin just grumbles in response.

Oh, I think to myself. I didn’t think he’d want to sleep in today since he has to leave this evening and he hasn’t even packed. Oh well. I guess I could go wash my face and brush my teeth while I wait. I get out of bed and head to the bathroom.

When I come back into the room a few minutes later Austin still hasn’t moved, so I decide to walk over to his side of the bed. I squat down on the floor and look at him, trying to decide whether or not I want to wake him up. I ultimately decide against it, and stand up to leave, before noticing his phone on the bedside table. I quietly grab what I need and head into the closet to get dressed for the day.

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

“Hey darlin?” Austin asks a couple hours later when he walks into the living room, where I’ve been watching tv while he packs.

“What’s up?” I ask, pausing the television and turning to look at him over the back of the couch. “How’s packing going?”

“I’m almost done, but do you know where my phone charger is?” he asks.

“I think I saw it in the kitchen while I was making breakfast,” I respond, turning back to the television and hoping he doesn’t notice the flush on my cheeks.

“Really? Did you move it there? Because my phone was fully charged on the nightstand when I woke up this morning,” he responds, and I slide down a bit on the couch, focusing all my attention on the tv.

“That’s weird. I didn’t move it. It was just there when I made breakfast. You must have left it there after dinner last night.”

“But I know I plugged it in last night, in the bedroom. So how was it 100% charged when I woke up if I left the charger in the kitchen last night?” he asks, rounding the couch to stand in front of the tv, making me focus on him.

“Um… I plead the fifth?” I say quietly, sliding even further down the couch.

“Darlin, are you trying to hold me hostage with a phone charger?” he asks, coming towards me and squatting down to look me in the eyes from where I am now laying on the couch.

“... yes.”

“You do know I’ll be back in about a month, right?” he says, reaching out and taking my hands in his.

“Yeah, but what if I can’t make it that long? I’m kinda impatient when it comes to spending time with you,” I respond, sitting up a little in order to talk to him easier.

“Kinda like how you begged me to come back from Ashley’s earlier than I had planned on so we could cuddle the other night?” he asks with a teasing lilt in his voice.

“Yes. Except now I can’t just ask you to come home early because you can’t. Plus… I have to wait an entire 30 days til I see you again?! That’s like… 720 HOURS!”

“That was… extremely accurate,” he says, trying not to laugh.

“It’s not funny. I did the math when I woke up this morning and you weren’t awake yet. I was bored and lonely,” I say, slinking away from him and back into the couch.

“You could have woken me up,” he says, reaching out and squeezing my thigh as he places his hand on it.

“That’s a lot of hours that I’m going to spend missing you.”

“You’re cute when you’re being dramatic, you know that right?” he asks, and I playfully stick my tongue out at him. “You do know, distance makes the heart grow fonder.”

“I think it just means I don’t get kisses.”

“I don’t either,” he responds, reaching out and placing his hand on my cheek, rubbing it softly. I melt a little, leaning even closer to him, while consciously trying not to knock him over as I lean in. “I know that leaving isn’t ideal. I know I won’t get to give you back rubs. I won’t be able to make you tea in the morning or do your homework with you. But, you know that’ll change at some point, right?”

“Yes…”

“And you know,” he kisses my forehead, “that I’ll message and video call you as much as possible right?”

“Mhm. But that’s 2d. It’s not the same.”

“You’re right. It’s not. That just means I gotta appreciate the little things. Like right now.”

“Seee, you don’t wanna leave either.”

“Lovely, if I wanted to leave already, I would have grabbed the charger from the closet. Where I saw you put it while I was laying down,” he says, and I pull away, standing up and knocking him over in the process.

“YOU FAKED BEING ASLEEP?!”

“YOU HID MY CHARGER?!” he responds, laughing from his spot, sprawled out on the floor.

“Touche,” I say, holding out a hand to help him off the floor. He takes it, and instead of standing up, yanks me down to the floor. I land on top of him with a groan escaping my lips as he wraps his arms tightly around me. “ I would have given it to you eventually. Like after lunch,” I say when I catch my breath. He laughs, and shakes his head.

“No you wouldn’t.”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“Compromise,” he says, reaching up and tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. “I won’t get it out of the closet until after lunch, and until then we can spend some time together watching Dance Moms reruns.”

“JOJO! HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING!” I scream in his face, quickly standing up and running away. He cracks up as he stands up and chases after me. He catches me and pulls me into him, smothering my face and neck in kisses.

“I take that as a yes?” he says as he peppers kisses up and down my neck.

“Duh.”

“Touche,” he says, and then turns around and pats my thighs. I laugh and jump onto his back, and he carries me over to the couch, dropping me down on it, and then sitting down next to me and pulling my legs onto his lap.

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

“So, what do you want for lunch?” I ask a few episodes of Dance Moms later.

“I’m not sure. But what’s the rush in choosing? We can take our time.” I sigh and curl into his side more than I already was, and press a kiss to his shoulder.

“I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you too,” he says, and takes my chin in his hand, leaning forward and pressing his lips to mine. When he pulls away he smiles. “One last couch Chipotle date before I leave?”

“When have I ever said no to that? But also I hope you don’t expect me to not have Chipotle the entire time you’re gone. I could never do that,” I say, and he laughs, pulling me back into him for another kiss.

#austin butler fanfiction #austin butler fluff #austin butler x reader #austin butler imagine #austin butler x fem!reader

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dulcewrites · 2 years

Text

For You Always

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x reader (kind of lol)

Summary: you always knew Aemond had a soft spot for you, but you always just assumed it was him wanting to look out for his brother’s wife. Soon you find out that his devotion knows no bounds

Warnings: allusions of sexual assault

A/N: I was inspired by the dynamic between Alicent and Larys (and her and Criston). That dynamic is probably the most interesting to me to watch (plus when Olivia and Matthew are together in scenes it’s like a masterclass in acting. Might be my fav two actors on the show rn). I also just love the idea of Aemond being someone’s guard dog. I plan on writing things from this list. And plan on doing things with a black reader :). But I got inspired and it flowed very easily so I wanted to get it out. I am open to request as well! Please reblog, like, and follow if you enjoy 🫶🏽🫶🏽

Blog masterlist

In hindsight, confessing your sadness to Aemond after the incident was a bad idea. But in your defense, it wasn’t intentional. You found yourself crying, trying to make it back to your chambers before anyone spotted you in distress. And there he was.

Whispers was something you had grown used to since arriving in King’s Landing years ago. Whispers about your family back home, whispers about your life now… including whispers about your relationship with Aegon. Most of the time it would roll off your back. Mainly because the rumors themselves were never true. It’s easy to brush it off when there’s no validity.

It wasn’t until one day you overheard two lady’s maids speaking about your husband. Certain words stuck out. Dyana, crying, Aegon, paid off, and moon tea.

You felt sick, physically ill hearing them talk. You had always wondered what happened to Dyana; lamenting on how good she was with Elia, your daughter. When asked if he knew why she was not around anymore, all Aegon gave you was a shrug before changing the subject. But now you understand why. Deep down you knew Aegon was not a good man, but you naively hoped he had changed after the birth of your daughter. His behavior was always questionable, but this was a new low. You wish you could let this roll off your back like the rest. No use in chalking it up to a rumor; you know Aegon too well for that.

You couldn’t help the tears from falling as you turned away. The walk to your chamber felt like forever. Mind racing; you thought about poor Dyana and where she was now, who knew about this, and selfishly you thought about if people thought you knew all along. That you brushed it off because that is what is expected of a lady in your position. Smile and endure. Ignore and push through.

That people thought you were just as cruel as your husband.

It was the tears on your face that made Aemond stop in his tracks. You tried to wipe them away quickly after you spotted him but it was too late. He all but forces you to tell him why you’re in this state. It wasn’t becoming of your station to be crying in the arms of your lord husband’s brother. But there you were in your room, pouring your heart out.

Aemond had always been good to you. His generosity was not something you were expecting when you came into the family. Everyone had responded the way you predicted. Helena was sweet. Queen Alicent seemed indifferent; not exactly warm, but always there if you needed something. The sicker King Viserys grew, the less you saw him. Aegon was doting when he wanted you, awful when he didn’t. Aemond was the odd one out. Completely shocking you with the concern he shows. You had made up in your mind it stemmed from his hatred for Aegon.

That day, Aemond simply rubbed your back and told you he’d handle anything else that happened with Aegon. It must’ve been your frazzled state that led to you taking that comment as sweet rather than ominous.

Silly you.

It felt like the whispers and rumors only got worse after finding out about what happened to Dyana. By the time you had worked up the courage to confront Aegon, another indiscretion made it back to you.

It seems that your husband has an affinity for servants and ladies in waiting. If rumors are true, at least this one is consensual. The name of a servant you know helps Helaena continues to get bandied about.

You can’t help but feel embarrassment and rage flood through your body. He’s one the princes of the storied Targaryen family, a future king if things go the way certain people in the Red Keep want them to. And here he is, not only abusing his power but making a mockery of you in the process.

A part of you wonders if you should go to Alicent. You decide against it; you know how the game is played. No matter how much she may resent his behavior, he will always take precedent over you. Then you think about going to Helaena, but you hated the idea of troubling her with your mess. So there you were, at Aemond’s door with a rant on the tip of your tongue.

It was nice. Getting your feelings out to someone who shared your complicated feelings towards Aegon.

Aemond rarely responds or gives you advice. Just gave you an chance to let it all out, which is something you appreciated. You left his quarters feeling a bit lighter. As light as you could feel with the position you are in.

You spent the rest of the week trying to avoid talking to Aegon, and spend time with Elia and with Helaena.

“A flower can wilt under love, the same way it wilts under detestation.”

Helaena’s cryptic language was something you had learned to just go with. Though, you did get an eerie feeling after she said it to you with a concerned look on her kind face.

You tried to push the hurt feelings away, and almost succeeded. Until your lady in waiting came to you one night with a nervous look on her face. Reluctantly, she told you news that she had heard.

You couldn’t hold it any longer the next time you saw Aegon. When the conversation started, you were surprised to hear him speak so openly about his cheating. You had just always expected him to act like the whole castle isn’t talking about it.

“What do you mean you told her she could be your second wife,” you hiss at him, trying to keep your voice low.

He winced and looks down at his feet.

“I don’t even remember saying it myself,” he says meekly. “But she surely remembers it. Won’t let me forget it.”

You scoff, and take good look at him. You think about how your mother’s vision for you, and your own blind ambition has landed you stuck with the biggest idiot ever.

“So let me get this straight,” you walked towards him. “You spend your days drowning yourself in your cups, and disrespecting half of the women in the Red Keep. And now you tell me you’re whispering sweet nothings into her ears so she keeps stroking your ego.. amongst other things. Some couple you two make. You’re stupid enough to say that, and she’s delusional enough to believe you.”

“My lov-“ you hold up hand to stop him.

“You will fix this,” your finger hits his chest. “I can’t even stand to look at you right now.”

You leave the room in a hurry, ignoring his tries to stop you. Where you are going at this hour? You have no idea, but you can’t be in the same rom as Aegon right now. But then you get an idea… the dragon pit.

Vhagar can’t fit in pit but whenever Aemond wants to ride her, he goes there.

You feel a bit silly, going to him to whine about how awful his brother is. But when you find him walking from the pit, the words and emotions just flowed out. Honestly for someone so outwardly cold, Aemond handles you so gently.

“To do that, and right in front of you is an insult.”

You nod in agreement because it is. It shows how much he doesn’t care. How much you carry your relationship with him.

“And the most frustrating part is that I just have to live with it,” you think about Elia, and the pressure there is to have another baby, a boy. “I have to not only face Aegon, but apparently the woman who he chooses lay with. I have to hear the whispers not about him being a disgrace. But about me being so frigid that of course he’d seek warmth from another.”

You run your hands down your face.

“What has my life become?”

Aemond doesn’t reply, just gives you an inquisitive look before nodding to himself. He walks you back to the room.

“Everything will be fine. Trust me,” his tone is so certain. You want to be ask how does he know, but you guess that’s what any person says when they’re comforting someone else.

You take a deep breath. Everything will be fine.

The day felt different. You don’t know why. You went through you typical schedule, most of which revolves around caring for Elia. Despite the off feeling you couldn’t quite put a finger on, the day was reflectively uneventful… until Queen Alicent comes to visit you.

She smiles as she holds Elia.

“How are you my dear,” her voice is soft and measured. The question is simple but it makes you uneasy. If things have made it back to you, they’ve surely made it back to her.

“I’m doing well your Grace,” you put on your best face. “Just a little tired.”

She hums in response.

“That’s good to hear,” she steps closer to you, lowering her voice. “I’m glad you were able to take care of any problems that may have arose.”

You blink at her. She’s clearly talking about Aegon and the servant. You did tell Aegon to fix it, but the quickness is surprising. Plus you assumed he’d come whining to you about it after he had ended things.

“I’m glad to know you can take care of things on your own.” she continues, and your confusion grows.

Didn’t know you had it in you? Take care of things? You truly do not understand what the Queen is saying. Before you can get into it, Ser Arryk knocks saying the King needs Alicent. After she leaves, you hand Elia to your lady in waiting.

You must go to Helaena.

You find her in her chambers, embroidery hoop in hand. The bright smile she greets you with drops when yo ask about her lady in waiting.

“A flower can wilt under love, the same way it wilts under detestation.”

Her voice is somber, and you let out a deep sigh. Who is the flower? She clearly knows something but you wonder if even she can even figure it out herself. There’s no way you can go one of your girls, you’d be tipping your hand. And Aegon never seems to be around when you need him. Then it hits you.

I’ll handle it

Everything will be ok, trust me

It couldn’t be. You try to talk yourself out of the idea races into your mind as you walk to Aemond’s room. You squeeze your eyes shut as you knock on the door. The aloofness of his demeanor only makes you more anxious.

“I don’t even know how to ask this,” you give him a tight, nervous smile once he lets you in. “Or that you would even know the answer.”

He’s sitting in a chair, and tilts his head to the side. You pause for a moment. Collecting your thought; the last thing you want to do is accuse him of something.

“She’s gone,” he replied after silence passes through the room. He sounds bored of the careful dance you’re trying to play.

It’s vague. Gone could mean a lot of things. It could mean Aegon did something right for once, but then again how would Aemond know that before you. You didn’t want her to lose her job. You just wanted the record set straight, and selfishly you didn’t want people questioning your marriage.

“What did you do,” you whisper, suddenly getting worried.

“I did what Aegon will never have the courage to do,” he stands up, and starts walking towards you. “I protected you.”

“Aemond what do-“

“You don’t have to worry about her anymore,” he interrupts you. “We took care of it.”

Your stomach sinks. We took care of it. There’s only one person.. no one thing Aemond could be talking about. Aemond on his own is intimating enough

“I didn’t want her dead,” you look at him with wide eyes.

He doesn’t seem phased by your panic. In fact he gives you a smile, or at least closest thing Aemond does to a smile.

“My future queen wanted something done, so I did it,” he says it as if it’s the most obvious thing ever.

He thinks of you as his future queen, you’ve known that for a while. Everything starts and ends with you in his eyes. Any threat to you is a threat to him. You had grown to understand Aemond’s intensity, but this is a lot even for him. The look in his eye makes you know this won’t be a one time thing. That he’s going to go to these lengths whether you like it or not. Haelena’s words ring in your head.

A flower can wilt under love, the same way it wilts under detestation

#aemond targaryen #aemond x reader #aemond targaryen x reader #house of the dragon imagine #house of the dragon #black!reader

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eddies-house · 17 days

Text

TW: mentions of bad mental health

im imagining eddie being absolutley taken back when he finds out how people have previously treated you resulting in hesitation when being vulnerable with him.

and he's been through some shit, he's not exactly one to be voluntarily vulnerable either but with the tables turned it's like a moment of oh. like you're hiding from him, muddling your own emotions as a means to keep the peace.

he realizes that coming in strong, asking "what's wrong?" almost too oboxiously like he's previously done, only chases you further into your mind, it only insinuates that there are consquences if you were to answer so rather than being met with honesty, it's always "nothing" followed by forced smiles and sucked back tears that he's regrettably brushed off in those moments, trying to keep you comfortable. but while his intention to ease your chaotic mind by simply moving on had no ill intent, he soon recognizes the harm its caused and the pattern he's assisted in creating.

realizes he takes it far too personal when you shut down on those particularily bad days, thinks it's cause of him, only to contribute to the self destruction taking place in your mind when he continuously begs the questions "what's wrong?" "what do you want me to do?" "what can I do?" "come on, tell me what's wrong". he never understood that he was never the issue but he quickly made himself into one by nearly berating and prodding you with his questions. and then one day he sees it. sees the way your eyes go dull when he asks.

sees the front you put on, "everything's okay" while your lip wobbles. he doesn't take it personal this time, there's nothing distracting him from the obvious signs, the symptoms of broken hearted individual struggling to keep up despite the aches and pains that linger within. its a heartbreak he's so familiar with yet seems to be so blind to in others, thinking he's the only one to experience it, not selfishly but hopefully. so he straightens up and silently tells himself to quit all of his bitching because this is bigger than him, it's not because of him. you need him and he's been too insecure to think that maybe words aren't required, not by you anyway. there is no quick fix, no remedy to just stop the pain like popping an ibprofen or slapping on a bandaid, it just is. raw pain and vulnerability that should be allowed to be felt, not cured.

so this time, he recognizes the wall you put up, just like every other time though it was previously ignored. before he can even say anything, he knows you're anticipating his bombarding questions that have no answer. sees the way you tense up, the slight panic in the way your fingers tremble at the prospect of being figured out. except this time he speaks softly, a shake in his voice because he's terrifed to scare you off once again. says "i love you" then gently wraps you up in his arms, provides a barrier between you and the world you're at war with.

holds you on the kitchen floor, face pressed to his chest with a mixture of tears and snot.

runs his fingers down your spine delicately.

whispers "it's okay" when he knows it is in fact not, only hoping you're able to decipher that he means it's okay that you're not okay, it's okay that it's 1AM and while the world is asleep you're both tangled up on top of crumbs and possible neglected coffee stains

apologizes.

because for all those times you've coaxed him through an unwarranted episode, he's been neglecting you at your worst. not on purpose but it's neglect nontheless. and he knows all about it.

sings under his breath when the sobs have stopped wreaking havoc on your body. quiet hums of a familiar song, you are my sunshine.

tucks you into bed, makes you a late night snack cause he knows your appetite fails you in times like these, kisses your forehead and threads his fingers through your hair.

he's not perfect nor has he ever desired being held to such a high standard. but for you he wants to try.

#im not projecting :')#no way #is this therapy?#crying in the club y'all #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fic #eddie x reader #eddie munson x you

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eldritch-spouse · 1 month

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[Agner was needing a brush up so I figured I'd make a semi-intro to possibly the only normal guy around here.]

What happens when you mix and mash five bobbles?

That's right, insanity.

Or, more accurately, a very stressed Patches trying to fix an unknowable situation.

Bobbles are simple, predictable creatures. It's what makes them so easy to manage usually, so mechanical to develop and replace.

Although one thing he's come to notice along time is that, sometimes, a rudimentary creation doesn't have the limiters complex organisms like most people have. A bobble can't catch the flu, a bobble can't bleed out, a bobble can sprout a number of deformities that make it develop such fascinating abilities!

That's why Patches didn't immediately think to put down the creature that formed out of five developing bobble tubes being knocked together. He's learned to be less reckless since then, yes- But he couldn't resist the urge to find where that accident would lead.

Agner did not have a smooth start in life.

His first memory was of staring down at his own puddling body and knowing that something was deeply wrong but not understanding what.

Then, it was the core-shaking sensation of splitting apart and ceasing to exist altogether as all five bobbles fought for control.

He doesn't remember much from those days. Just the fear mostly.

And consistently waking up in Patches' laboratory miraculously put together after each soul-rattling split.

He likes to joke that, after losing his mind so many times, Agner really had no choice but to become sane.

And just about the only reliable guy in the premises, honestly.

How come in a place so rotten, full of broken people whose priorities are in the worst of places, he had to be the normal one?

Anger has accepted that he's as much a part of The Clergy as all the other bobbles are. He's a barman when there's need for it, a carry mule, a waiter, a jack of all trades really.

But what he swore he'd never be, is a victim of The Clergy's Eye.

He would never be purposely vile, he wouldn't derive pleasure off the misery of others, he wouldn't hurt, harass or torture.

Agner could have turned out exactly like the people he works with on a daily basis, unloading his frustrations recklessly and selfishly, for satisfaction that seldom ever lasts. But why? Why see his existence as something hopeless that he needs to make everyone's problem? Sure, he could split apart and simply never become cohesive again, marking the end of his life, but it's miraculous enough he's lived this far.

Agner figures he should just be happy he gets to exist and see the little things, the beauty in the details. If he can help someone else while he's at it, then he's just giving more meaning to the time he spends on this planet. All he wants is to be a person, really. To have as normal of an experience alive an amalgamation like him can hope to.

Indeed, a giant softie who unfortunately works in a very dark place and sometimes has to protect himself.

But perhaps a hidden lifeline for someone caged in the depths of the establishment and desperate enough to cling to anyone.

Agner is no saint, and he knows he's limited in what he can do make your life less stressful, but he can try.

He can try to make you happy.

#Agner oc #pinnie's art #the one normie

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millie-multifics · 1 month

Text

Though I Yearn • Part 3

Masters of the Air

Secret Admirer x Reader

A string of anonymous letters causes a stir at Thorpe Abbotts. Who could be the author of the tender correspondence you have been receiving?

Warnings: Burn injury briefly described, secret admirer letters, mentions of…. Divorce?

Word Count: ~1.1k

Masterlist Previous Next

x x x

You had been unable to sleep after reading the second letter, tossing and turning until a knock sounded through the billet, stirring many of the women from their slumber. There were mission orders for the 100th and the men would be needing their coffee after many had been enjoying their evening before. You dressed yourself with just the little moonlight creeping through the windows, doing your best not to overly disturb the other ladies as they would be able to get a little more rest before they were needed.

“Are you sure everything is alright?” Helens voice startled you, causing the hot cup of coffee in your hand to splash over the top. You had just finished setting everything up and a yawn had told you that maybe you needed some coffee to carry you through the morning, apparently it was poorly timed.

“Ouch.” You placed the cup on the counter, reaching for a clean cloth to wipe the hot coffee off your skin.

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to startle you.” Helen reached for your hand but you kept it hidden from view, knowing she would make you go to the infirmary.

“It will be alright.” You assured her, attempting to get back to the task at hand as soldiers began to flood from their billets toward the meeting hall.

“You have been acting unusual lately.” Helen would no longer allow you to avoid the topic, wondering if it is the reason you had been so fog brained.

“I’m-“ You were going to try to reassure her that you were fine, but maybe having an outside opinion would help you figure out who the mystery author might be. “I have been getting letters from someone here at Thorpe Abbotts but I’m not sure from who.”

“What kind of letters?” Helen was intrigued.

“They’ve both been relatively sweet, nothing bad but I have no idea who has been sending them. The first one came shortly after the 100th arrived, it said: ‘During our first encounter your presence washed over me like the English rain, soothing and all consuming. You have captured my attention and selfishly, I must admit that I don’t want you to ever let it go.’” You recited, the words being seared into your brain from how many times you had reread the page. “No sign off, no return address. Last night I got another: ‘I yearn to approach you so freely, take you into my arms for a dance and confess my admiration. Though I yearn, I cannot allow myself to taint such a beautiful flower and so I stay, watching from a far as you dance in the arms of another.’”

“That is so romantic.”

Your eyes flickered to the door, finding the rest of the women listening in on your conversation. They must have stopped by to check in before heading off to their morning assignment.

“He had to have been at the pub last night.” Helen deduced, sending the ladies a glare over her shoulder. The letters may have sounded sweet but she was not so convinced.

“That doesn’t exactly narrow down the list, over half of the men were there last night.”

The men had begun to accumulate, eager to have a last minute coffee to banish any lingering fatigue or a donut to rid the feel of powdered egg from their mouths. You felt something brush against your leg, glancing down to find Meatball waiting patiently for any dropped crumbs. You gently nudged Helen to tell her you would be back in a moment, as you brushed your fingers through the dogs soft fur.

“Meatball, you know you are not supposed to be in here.” You softly scolded the dog as he followed you out the door, signalling for him to lay on the grass.

“I keep telling him that he can’t be going in there but he gets so excited.”

You sent DeMarco a teasing smile as you handed him a cup of coffee. “Excited to steal food scraps because he gets them from you in the mess hall.”

“Thanks again for keeping an eye on him.”

“No need to thank me, we might as well call it split custody.” You joked, “He’s with you when planes are on the ground and always hear with me when you are up in the air.”

You knelt down to pet the beautiful Husky, scratching the spot behind his ears that he absolutely loved. “Say bye to your father, he’s off to work.”

“Your hand okay?” DeMarco asked, he had noticed you favouring your non-dominant hand.

You nodded as you stood to your full height, showing the Captain the red, puckered skin from your burn. “Spilt coffee.”

He placed his coffee on flat surface of the trucks bumper, gently taking your hand between his own. As a pilot he had seen many types of burns, from combat or mechanical accidents and knew they could be worse than they appear. There was an unexpected softness to his words as he advised you to visit the infirmary.

“I will.” You promised, eyes meeting briefly before he let go of your hand. “Have a safe flight, Captain.”

It was not long after you joined Helen back in the club mobile that the two men plaguing you had strolled up to the window.

“Coffee?” You offered, Blakely who happily accepted the cup of hot coffee. You withheld the caffeinated beverage just out of reach of his bombardier friend. “Uh uh, Dougie, uncross your heart.”

“What?”

“Last night, you crossed your heart and swore to die,” You leaned on the counter of the truck, placing the coffee close enough for the aroma to invade his senses. “That is not something I want hanging over either of our heads today.”

“Cross my heart,” He rolled his eyes but did the motion, “And swear not to die.”

You smiled in satisfaction, handing over the warm paper cup.

“Not to worry ma’am,” The next man in line drew your attention from Douglass and Blakely as they moved on their way. “I will be accompanying those fellas in their fort today and I can assure you that I will do my best to get your bombardier back in one piece.”

“Oh we’re not-“ You cut yourself off, feeling embarrassed for anyone having unsavoury ideas about your new found… friendship? You handed him a cup of coffee, mustering your best smile from under your embarrassment. “They’re in good hands, Major Egan.”

It was only after all the men had been served and were on their way that you had noticed a slip of paper tucked underneath the windows ledge.

x x x

Tags: @canyousmelltheflowers @jointherebellion215 @gretagerwigsmuse

#masters of the air #mota fanfic #mota #mota spoilers #john egan #james douglass #everett blakely #mota x reader #benny demarco #harry crosby #bubbles payne #curtis biddick #john brady #major gale cleven #major john egan #major john bucky egan #apple tv #hbo war #callum turner

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emotionalsupporthufflefluff · 1 year

Text

fancy sticks that guide us all

Ominis Gaunt x GN!Hufflepuff!Reader (Not MC)

[Table of Contents]

Summary: Always having admired Ominis Gaunt from afar, you were a muggleborn Hufflepuff with no hope of ever gaining his attention. Until, one day, you were the only one he paid any attention to. (just pure blushy fluff/ no beta, we die like Soloman Sallow)

Of course, you knew about him. You had been in Hogwarts this whole time, you were in the same year as him, no matter that he was Slytherin and you were just a ‘lowly’ Hufflepuff (though everyone else who said that could scoot on with themselves, you had so much pride in your house). There was also the matter that he was a rather special case, being pureblood and a Gaunt, and blind. Even those who had never even heard of the Gaunt name would see him out of the corner of their eyes, the pulsing red light at the end of his wand almost signalling that everyone should pay attention. And you definitely paid attention.

You couldn’t help but be selfishly grateful for his blindness at times, when your staring had become so apparent that other classmates, or friends- let’s not mention the teachers- had to gain your attention back and raise their eyebrows at you. “Oh, just staring off into space,” You’d tell them, as if you weren’t always looking directly at a particular space every time. Even your best friend Poppy, as lovely as she could be, teased you mercilessly about your ‘daydreaming.’ It’s already been seven years, and you could only play your admiration off so many times before someone got suspicious.

Poppy had figured it out eventually, though you had been surprised it took her so long. Your crush on one Ominis Gaunt was indeed obvious, as loath as you were to admit it. Though, granted, Poppy had some other things in mind. Rather, creatures in mind. However, once she finally followed your line of sight one too many times, her gasp was so loud it disturbed the entire Charms class, and you had blushed so brightly that Professor Ronen had almost sent you to see the nurse. After assurances that everything was okay and no, you did not need to see the nurse, you really were okay, the professor finally continued on with his lecture.

So, yes, of course, you knew Ominis Gaunt. But that didn’t mean he knew you. At least, that’s what you believed.

You were just exiting the rarely-used side door out of the Central Hall, leading to the bridge that ran above the Transfiguration courtyard toward the Defense Against the Dark Arts building, when you decided that you’d settle on the nearby bench and work on your potions homework that was due later in the week. Since it was your last year here at Hogwarts, all the professors were handing out their hardest assignments yet, and you still weren’t exactly sure how Professor Sharp expected you to write forty inches on the improper uses of dittany.

You were just settling your bookbag on the rough stone bench, digging through for your books and parchment when you heard a noise nearby. Curious, you turned your head and noticed someone standing behind a statue near the corner of the castle, coughing lightly as if trying to be discreet. You tilted your head in confusion, leaving your bookbag and approaching the statue slowly.

“Hello? Are you sick?” When no response was forthcoming, you continued on, “I could help escort you to the nurse if you need it?”

“No, I’m just fine, thank you.” His voice came from behind the statue- and, wait- it was his voice and you couldn’t stop yourself from sucking in a gasp. You could only hope he hadn’t heard the quick inhale. However, his response really didn’t answer any questions. You took a few more steps, circling around to be able to see the side of the statue, and there he was. Ominis Gaunt was sitting on the statue's pedestal, his head in his hands and no pulsing red glow in sight. You felt frozen in your spot, studying the man with your eyes and wondering what had happened to cause the hunch to his shoulders.

“Well, if you’re not sick, then- well, that is to say-” You hesitated, unsure how to phrase your question. Once you pause, not fully finishing the thought you had tried to start, Ominis finally lowers his hands in defeat, turning his head slightly in your direction. You took that as an indication that he was listening, and took another step forward. “It’s just that I frequent this courtyard often, and I’ve never seen you here?”

“You come here often?” He asked, his tone incredulous, and you couldn’t keep your laugh back.

“Well, it’s quiet.”

“Not as quiet as some other places. I can practically hear all the conversations happening down in the transfiguration courtyard.” Once he finished his sentence, you remained quiet for a moment, tilting your head as if this would help you listen. You could hear slight mumbling from the yard below, but likely nowhere near as well as he could.

“Well, some of us aren’t so gifted in the hearing department,” You muttered, shrugging despite the fact that he couldn’t see it. You almost felt bad for the statement until Ominis’ smile slowly grew across his face. “Anyway, sorry to bother. I just wanted to see if you needed any help, but since you’re fine-”

“Actually!” His outburst startled you, causing you to turn back toward him after almost heading back to your bookbag. You noticed he held a hand out toward you, slightly to the right of where you stood, and you tilted your head, taking a few more steps toward him. You could tell his course correction as you walked, moving his hand toward you directly before finally dropping it. “I do- well, I happen to have, uh,” He hesitates, picking at his nails as he stares off in a random direction, “Well, I’ve dropped my wand.”

At this, you felt another gasp well up, studying Ominis a bit more thoroughly before turning and searching the ground of the courtyard with your eyes. Not seeing a wand laying around, you finally took the last few steps toward him and sat next to him on the stone. “Was it out here?”

“Yes,” Ominis answered as you got distracted by the lovely blush lighting up the top of his cheeks and the tips of his ears. He really was charming, and the blush only highlighted the fact. Your eyes kept darting between his milky blue eyes, down to the blush- and hells, he must be embarrassed- and finally to his hands before circling back up. After a few beats too long, he speaks up again hesitantly, “Do you see it?”

Keeping yourself from yelling out ‘Oh!’ you immediately turn your head and scan the surrounding area again. “Out here- what, in this spot?” You jump off the stone, crouching down onto your knees and scooting around to search the area more thoroughly.

“Well, not exactly here. I had been walking from the Defense Against the Dark Arts tower when a strong wind blew, practically knocking me down. I lost hold of my wand and heard it clatter in this direction. I tried Accio but it didn’t return so I tried to search for it.”

You lifted your head at this, intending to look up and ask where exactly he had been standing when you realized where exactly you were kneeling. You were practically right in front of his lap, and honestly, if anyone walked by at this moment they would probably get the wrong idea. If you hadn’t been blushing before you certainly were now, your face emanating heat like a furnace. You clear your throat and stand, nodding and looking anywhere but at him.

“Right! Right, okay, so you were on the bridge when you dropped it?”

“Am I-” Ominis hesitates, scrunching his eyebrows together, before continuing in a quieter voice, “Am I no longer on the bridge now?”

You finally look back to his concerned expression, blinking a few times. You were surprised at his question, he had always seemed so capable. Yet, you supposed, he likely depended on his wand to know where he was and how to get around. This only made you even more determined. You placed your hands on your hips and began a circle, studying more intently before walking closer toward the bridge, looking both ways. Hesitating, and fearing the worst, you approached the edge of the bridge and looked downward.

“Wait, I see it!”

“You do? Can you bring it-”

“Well, not exactly-”

“What?”

“It fell off the bridge toward the Transfiguration courtyard, wait, just-” You withdraw your wand and perform your own Accio to watch the wand wiggle in place, caught on some sort of edge on a statue down in the courtyard below. You sigh, shaking your head with a smile. “Well, that explains it. It got caught on the statue down there, I tried to summon it but all it did was a little jig.”

“A little jig?” Ominis questions you, a smile playing on his lips, as you begin to approach him once more.

“Yeah, y’know,” You began to wiggle yourself before stopping, sighing and approaching before grabbing his hand and wiggling it. “Like that.”

“Oh,” He whispered, almost like an exhalation of breath than anything, but his fingers curled around your own instead of pulling away. You swallow roughly for a moment before he tugs on your hand, looking up from his sitting position. “Could you lead me down to it?”

You were holding his hand, you were holding his hand, okay, don’t panic. You nod before, once again, stopping yourself and speaking. “Yeah, I mean, of course!” You take a firmer hold on his hand and pull until he stands, blushing at the fond smile on his face.

“Thanks, Y/N,” He mumbles, and you felt a burst of butterflies flood your stomach. He knew your name? “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t come around.”

“Oh, aha,” You chuckle breathlessly, trying to brush it off, “It’s fine, of course, no problem. Every Slytherin needs their emotional support Hufflepuff.” You kick yourself in your mind, shaking your head, but begin to pull Ominis in the direction of the door to the Central Hall.

“Oh, is that the rule? I hadn’t been aware.” He mumbled, his head low as he walked. “I guess that means you’re stuck with me, then.”

Travelling the staircases of the Central Hall ended up easier than you had thought it’d be, really you only had to tell him when the stairs were beginning and ending and he was able to correct himself accordingly. It had been a little crowded, but you managed to keep him from knocking into anybody as you traversed the hall. Finally making it through to the Transfiguration courtyard, you pulled him over toward the statue that you had seen.

“Here, wait just a second,” You began to climb the statue, pulling yourself upward until you could finally reach and nudge the wand. You pushed it a few times before it finally slid from its perch, clattering down onto the ground. You heard a mumbled spell from Ominis as you tried to climb down, slipping halfway through and beginning the short descent with a wince, your heart spiking.

Except, you never felt the impact, and belatedly registered Ominis yelling out the levitation charm quickly. You opened your eyes, looking around to notice Omiinis’ wand glowing lightly, pulsing as if he was still using his normal charm, and you were slowly lowered to the ground. As he began to approach you snapped your mouth shut after having been hanging it open in astonishment, and watch as he offers a hand down to you. You take it once again, and he helps haul you up to your feet once more.

“Thank you,” You whisper, standing a little too close to him, though neither makes a move to back away.

“I should be the one thanking you,” He mutters back, his voice quiet like yours as if he didn’t want to break whatever was happening between you two. “I’m practically useless without my wand.”

“Aren’t we all though?” You watched his eyebrows raise in surprise, and suck in a breath, attempting to explain, “Well, I just mean-”

“No, I get it. I know what you’re saying it’s just- no one has ever agreed before. Everyone always tries to say that it’s untrue, that I don’t need to rely on my wand.”

“But,” You hesitate, biting your lip as you stare into his milky eyes from so close, “Don’t we all? I mean, especially here, no? In the school that teaches us magic, we literally use these sticks every day and-” You’re cut off by his loud laugh, and you couldn’t help but copy his smile.

“Sticks?”

“Oh, well, you know. Before I came here I had no clue wands even existed. They- well, they really do just look like fancy sticks.”

“Fancy sticks,” He repeats to you once more, shaking his head slowly, his large grin softening to a fond smile once more. You both remained quiet once more before you suddenly felt a touch at your hand, looking down to notice him taking your hand once more. “You wouldn’t happen to want to lead me to our next class?”

“I-” You hesitate, and he seems to get the wrong message, pulling away before you reach forward with your hand, taking his now, “No, I just- I left my bookbag upstairs when I went to talk to you. I forgot to grab it on the way down here.”

“Then, we go fetch your bookbag, and head to potions?” Your smile widens, squeezing his hand gently and receiving a squeeze back in kind.

“I wouldn’t want to make you go out of your way.”

“You went out of your way for me,” He replies easily, tugging on your hand once more. “If you stay indecisive for very much longer, I have a feeling we’ll be late.”

“Then I guess we better get a move on,” You whisper, your chest filling with sparks and sunlight, and you feel almost so giddy you couldn’t contain it. You began to lead him away, and despite having his wand pulsing in one hand, you led him around the castle with his other.

A/N: I meant this to be a cute little one shot but now I have an idea for another fluff piece as maybe a part two to this so maybe I’ll write that if y’all want??

#ominis gaunt x reader #ominis gaunt #fanfiction #hogwarts legacy #gender neutral reader #gn!reader #hufflepuff reader #fluff

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navybrat817 · 2 years

Note

Knock knock

Who’s there?

PROFESSOR BUCKY FUCKING BARNES THOTS ONLY 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

#RIPaquaspusspuss

Panty ruiner, Aqua! 🔥

Like Real People Do

Pairing: Professor!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: Bucky decides to stop being professional and take what he wants.

Word Count: Over 1.3k

Warnings: Explicit sexual content, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), age gap, slight power imbalance, swearing, possessive behavior, Bucky Barnes (he’s a warning, okay?).

A/N: I should be working on other things, but why not? Might be a thing. Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by @rookthorne . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications and please reblog or comment as it means the world!

Bucky had seen his fair share of students during his career. Most didn't care about his lessons and he had to remind himself that it didn't matter becaus he loved teaching. His favorite part of teaching this year, however, is seeing you. Each class, you sat in the front row, paid attention and actively participated, and aced every quiz and exam.

He was certain you were trying to kill him.

Why else would you show up in dresses and skirts with stockings and heels? Why did you ignore the jocks and every other guy in class who tried to get your attention? And why did you hand in your assignments last and brush your fingers against his every single time?

His own personal temptress.

Bucky tried to be good. He was a professional, a man in his 30's. Sleeping with a student was a line he never thought about crossing, but you made it hard for him to think of anything else. Especially after you bent down to pick up the book you dropped after his last class and revealed your silk panties.

Were they as wet as he imagined?

Did you know he was staring?

"See you next class, professor."

"No," he said before he could stop himself. "See me in my office."

He had to put himself out of his misery.

Sitting across from him at his desk a few minutes later, he wasn't exactly sure what to say. He couldn't remember the last time he wanted someone as badly as you. How did a mere glance from you shake his confidence?

"Professor?" you asked, playing with the hem of your skirt.

He cleared his throat and loosened his tie. "Yes?"

"Why haven't you fucked me yet?"

Bucky was a dead man.

"Excuse me?" he asked because he was sure he hadn't heard you correctly.

"You heard me. You think I wear outfits like this for everyone? I caught you staring, so I kept wearing them," you smiled as you opened your legs, revealing your panties again. There was no mistaking the wet spot this time. "Like what you see? Or did I read this wrong?"

Bucky swore all the blood in his body rushed to his cock. His mouth watered as he stared, wondering how you'd taste on his tongue. He wanted to drown himself in you.

If he was going to hell, would it be wrong to have a bit of heaven?

"I'm sorry, professor," you said, quickly shutting your legs when he didn't speak. The certainty of the situation visibly left your body as you scrambled to get your bag. "I'm so sorry. I'll go."

He slowly stood up and placed his hands on his desk, needing to take back some control. You were offering yourself to him. He was going to selfishly indulge.

No, he couldn't let you leave.

Thankfully, he remembered to lock the door.

"I didn't say you could go," he said, leaning forward an inch when you froze. "Get your panties off and bend over my desk. Now."

Determination filled your eyes again as you smiled. "Yes, professor."

You had your breasts pressed against the desk as he stroked himself, his cock so hard it almost hurt. He could see the tremor in your body as he flipped your skirt up and spread your legs further apart, your ruined panties on the floor where you left them. He'd take his time with you later. But the groan of relief he let out when he slid home, his eyes fluttering shut at the feel of your wet walls around his cock, it had to be quick and dirty now.

"Fuck me," you begged, pushing your hips back when he stilled. "Please, professor.

"Bucky," he corrected you, smirking as he looked down to see you stretched around him. "I'm not just some professor, so you say my name when I fuck you."

"Bucky," you sighed when he began to thrust, holding on as he gripped your hips.

"Good girl," he praised, the sound of his name on your lips a sinful sound he wanted to hear again. "Fuck, your greedy cunt keeps sucking me back in. Tell me how good my cock feels."

You gasped as he pushed deeper, eagerly rocking back as much as you could. The way you squirmed, he knew you'd be a sight fucking yourself on his cock. He couldn't wait to watch your breasts bounce as you took all of him.

"Answer me," he practically growled, bringing his hand down on your ass. "Always such a good student. Don't be bad now."

"Feels so good," you whined, looking briefly over your shoulder before you pressed your cheek to the desk. "Touched myself thinking of you. Feels so much better."

"Touched yourself thinking of me? My dirty girl. I'm no better. Wanted to fuck you the first day," he grunted, bringing his hand down again. "Next class, don't wear any panties. You hear me? Your pussy belongs to me now."

Instead of putting himself out of his misery, he was becoming addicted.

You moaned as Bucky fucked you in earnest. "Yes, it's yours. I'm yours. Please!"

He leaned down, bringing a hand around to cover your mouth. "Be as loud as you want when I take you home," he grunted in your ear.

He never wanted to stop fucking you. Not with how good you felt. He was powerless to stop himself from driving deep inside you, your body made to sin with him. Maybe one day he'd fuck you before class so he could seep out of you, the boys around you none the wiser.

Consequences be damned.

Bucky kept his thrusts deep and steady when he felt your walls begin to flutter. With how wet you were, he hoped you dripped on his desk. "Gonna come for me, aren't you? You want me to come in you," he groaned, the desk creaking from his tough movements as he removed his hand.

"Come in me, please," you begged, your delicious moans filling the room again. His control started to slip away as you clenched harder around his cock. "I-I'm on the pill. Fill me up."

"Beg me for it," he demanded, if only for him to remember later when he jerked off.

"Please, Bucky."

A man could only take so much.

"Come."

You tipped over the edge as his hand smothered you again, your cry of his name muffled as you gushed around him. He helped you ride out your orgasm, praising you under your breath as he chased his end. He buried himself as deep as he could go as he came, your pussy still fluttering as he finished.

His heart pounded in his chest as he gently pulled out moments later, almost coming again at the sight of your mixed release leaking from you. "Fuck," he whispered, helping you upright and fixing your skirt.

Your legs shook as you turned slightly, blindly finding his lips with yours. He brought a hand up to your cheek to deepen the kiss. You were smiling.

That felt even better than the amazing sex the two of you just had.

"So, I didn't read this wrong?" you smiled wider.

"Not at all," he smiled, giving you another quick kiss before he fixed his pants. He cleared his throat as you straightened the rest of your clothes, suddenly worried that this was a one-time thing. "I hope this isn't too forward, but I do want to see you again."

"Too forward considering you fucked me on your desk?" you pointed out. "I want to see you again, too."

He sighed with happiness. "And I meant what I said. You can be as loud as you want when we're actually alone," he winked before his phone went off.

"Oh, I plan to be," you smirked, gesturing for him to get his phone.

He grabbed it and saw a message from Steve.

"Guess you didn't hear me outside of your office. You have fun?"

He scoffed, giving you another gentle smile as you grabbed your underwear, before he typed back. "I did. And I'm not sharing."

"Don't worry. I have my eye on my own student."

Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ KoFi

#navybrat writes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes #professor!bucky barnes #professor!bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes au #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan x you

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imaginespazzi · 1 month

Text

Part 4: The Art of Letting Go

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 5

Only know you love her when (she lets you) go

(In which a still very sadistic writer make things a lot worse but only so they can get a little bit better)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining, Hurt with very little comfort

Words: 7.9K

TW: Car Accidents, Panic Attacks, Swearing

A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 I know I'm very, very late with this and I love you all for being so patient. I don't really know how I feel about this chapter but it is what it is. Logistical details are probably a little off but I need things to work for the plot, so try and ignore that. Per usual I did edit (very loosely and I'll probably go back over it later), there are probably typos anyways. And as always, let me know what you liked, what you didn't, and what you'd like to see in the future. Happy reading lovelies and let's get a W this weekend. <3

December 2023

A week or so after they get back from the Cayman Islands, Azzi feels like she’s been sleep-walking through life, everything around her hazy and dull. She religiously sticks to a routine of eat-study-practice-sleep. Except well, sleep isn’t really sleeping. It’s her brain conjuring images of blonde hair and blue eyes and Azzi forcing herself to wake-up from a nightmare that used to be her favourite dream.

She doesn’t tell anyone what happened, lying to herself it’s because it would be embarrassing and not because it would mean having to face the truth. Still, it doesn’t mean that her teammates can’t piece together little bits. There must be something quite sinister about the air around her, because none of her normally nosy and eager-to-help sisters try to weasel any information out of Azzi. They act like they always have, only sharing worried looks behind her back when the façade of i’m doing fine slips momentarily when she thinks no one’s watching.

And then that façade goes to hell over the span of a couple of hours.

It starts with the inevitable breakup with Zoe. At first Azzi avoids it, making up excuses as to why she can’t see her girlfriend. Selfishly, there’s a part of her that wants to keep Zoe, keep a girl who would never leave, never make her feel anything less than (or more than) just content. But it’s not fair, Azzi knows that, and it’s why she practises her it’s not you, it’s me speech to perfection in front of the mirror. When she goes to message Zoe that she's coming over, the text chain causes a pinch of guilt in her heart at the contrast between her girlfriend’s hopeful tone versus her own nonchalant one. And Azzi thinks that Zoe will never really understand just how similar the two of them are, stuck at wanting someone who would always let them down. Only, Azzi will let Zoe free but when it comes to her herself, she’s pretty sure she’s destined to be trapped forever.

It’s embarrassing to admit that Azzi remembers the apartment in Storrs that she’d visited barely a handful of times a lot more than she remembers the apartment she’s currently in, the one that belongs to her girlfriend. Zoe sits rigidly on the couch with the same reserved, guarded expression she’s had since she’d opened the door, clearly aware of what was about to happen. Her foot taps incessantly as the silence between them drags on.

“You deserve better,” Azzi says finally, keeping her eyes firmly locked on the floor.

“No,” Zoe’s voice is cold, “don’t say shit like that. It’s a cop out. It’s the shit people say to make themselves feel better-”

“Zoe-”

“Don’t be a fucking coward Azzi. Look me in the eye and say it, say exactly what you’re here to.”

Azzi doesn’t want to do any of that. She wants to crumble to the ground and let it swallow her until she’s buried so far away from the mess she’s created. But she owes Zoe this. When she does look at Zoe, there’s this look in the other girl’s eyes that Azzi had never thought herself capable of evoking in anyone and she has to swallow away the bile that rises in her throat, disgusted by her own self.

“I’m breaking up with you,” Azzi whispers. Her words linger in the air, like shrapnel after an explosion. Zoe flinches, a single tear trickling down her face.

“There it is,” the Californian says quietly, the ghost of an ironic smile playing on her lips, “I knew it was coming but damn- there it is.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“For what-” Zoe cuts herself, “no actually don’t- don’t answer that. I think I know.”

Azzi draws in a deep breath, ready to confess, “I need to tell-”

“Please-”

“Z-”

“Please,” Zoe sobs, “please don’t tell me. I don’t wanna hear it okay? I don’t- I don’t want to hate you Azzi. It’s too much and I don’t- I just- I’m so tired of feeling so much for you when you don’t- when you feel so little for me.”

“That’s not true,” Azzi counters helplessly, her words ringing hollow to her own ears.

“Fucking hell you just ended it Azzi, you don’t have to pretend anymore. And it’s okay because I get it. You can’t feel any more than what little you do for me because- because you’ve already given the rest of it away. And it’s not- it’s not like I didn’t know you know? I only ever met you because you were crying over her. You only let me into your life because you missed her. And now you have her,” Zoe says wistfully.

It’s terrible the way everything else becomes white noise as Azzi’s ear latches on the last sentence, a sentence that couldn’t be any further away from the truth. She was prepared for the accusations, for Zoe to hurl every curse word in the book at her, but this, the unintended reminder that she was giving up on soft, sweet, gentle Zoe for something that she didn’t have, hurts far more than any words could.

“This isn’t about-”

Zoe’s quick to cut Azzi off, pushing herself off the couch they had been sharing, trying to put even more space in between them, “please do not insult my intelligence by finishing that sentence. I deserve that much at least.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are because I know- I know who you are Azzi and I know you’re a good person and that’s why- that’s why I don’t wanna know okay? Whatever you did- whatever happened- just let me- just let me have this. Let me remember you as someone good- someone great,” Zoe pleads.

“If that’s what you want Zo,” Azzi answers weakly, the guilty clawing at her heart. She doesn’t think she deserves to be remembered like that, doesn’t think she’s worthy of being thought of with fondness, not anymore.

Zoe doesn’t make any acknowledgement of Azzi having spoken as she starts to pace, “I should have known. You know the day I met her this summer, I got it- the appeal- I got it immediately. She has this aura, this charm. She just- she just fucking glows you know? And she’s just- she’s this huge entity and so are you and I’m just,” she lets out a hollow laugh as she shrugs, “I’m just a girl from Stockton, California.”

“And you’re amazing,” Azzi puts up a hand when Zoe tries to cut her off again, “you are. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you for what you did for me last year. You could have walked away that day and maybe- maybe one day you’ll think you should have. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Zoe. You do deserve better. It’s not a cop out. It’s the truth.”

Since she was younger, Azzi’s always hated endings. This time is no different. The bitter truth is that she probably won’t miss her girlfriend, but she will miss the friend that had gotten her through one of the toughest years of her life. Slowly, Azzi picks herself off of the couch and walks over to a still Zoe, squeezing her left hand once before heading towards the door.

“Azzi,” Zoe calls out, just as Azzi has one foot out the door, “I hope it works out for the two of you. You and Paige always did just seem inevitable.”

***

She blames the fact she’s currently stuck in the terrible LA traffic, with the word inevitable ringing in her ears, for the way her fingers continuously flicker over the green call button under Paige’s name. Zoe saying her name had been the first time in a week that Azzi had even let herself, in consciousness at least, think of the blonde properly. And now that it had been unleashed, whispers of Paige, Paige, Paige echo through every crevice of skull. The pain and anger that she’d been trying to shield herself from, come barraging into her heart as she’s held captive once again by thoughts of her best friend.

It would be a lie to say that Azzi hadn’t been hoping for a call or a text to come through. She’d waited two days with bated breath for a friendly quip that would lead them back to their safe haven of just pretend. Instead it was as if they were back to being who they had been before summer of 2022 all over again. Back to being nothing. But this time Azzi had been adamant that if Paige was going to cut her off again, she wouldn’t fight it, not this time. Apparently that resolve was never meant to last and Azzi feels a little pathetic with how desperately she needs to hear Paige’s voice, how desperately she wants to try again.

The traffic clears just as she presses call and maybe that should have been a sign. Azzi’s not a bad driver per say, but as her dad always said, no one’s a good driver when they’re distracted. The phone rings for too long and she should take that as her next sign and accept it as Paige not wanting to talk, but she lets it continue to ring anyway, as she turns onto a more secluded road. And then-

“Hello,” the voice is unfamiliar and Azzi doesn’t really know Paige’s teammates, beyond Caroline, that well but she’s pretty certain this one doesn’t belong to any of them.

“Hi uh- who is this?” she manages to get out as her grip tightens on the steering wheel.

“Oh um- this is Rose, Paige’s friend” comes the reply, the word friend said with a sultry lilt and Azzi feels her skin prickle. Hang up.

“Why are you answering Paige’s phone?” her tone is far more accusatory than she’d like it to be.

“She’s in the bathroom but she told me to,” Rose answers defensively.

Azzi hesitates, she doesn’t need to know more except, “does she know who called?”

Because surely if she did, if Paige knew it was Azzi on the other line, she wouldn’t let one of her likely random hookups answer the phone, surely Paige would know what it would do, how it would make her feel.

“Uh yeah- I told her Azzi called and she seemed pretty sure she wanted me to pick up.”

Maybe Paige does know what it would do, does know how it would make Azzi feel, maybe that’s the whole fucking point. Through the phone she can hear quiet footsteps walking closer, towards Rose. When Paige is close enough that Azzi can make out the sound of her breathing, can almost picture the way her chest is heaving, that’s when the tears finally fall, blurring her vision.

She doesn’t see the blinking headlights rushing towards her until it’s too late and then she’s swerving. The world around her erupts in motion and light and noise, everything spinning and spinning and spinning. For one moment, as she loses complete control of her car, Azzi thinks maybe this is it. And the most terrifying part of it, is that for a second, she’s not all that opposed to the idea of this being the end. It’s a singular image of her parents in her brain that has her regaining her senses and hitting the brakes as hard as she can. Her tires screech as her car barrels into a tree and her entire body jerks around in her car, her seatbelt leaving burn scars against her neck. Azzi feels her heartbeat going haywire, as everything comes to a halt.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” Rose’s panicked voice echoes.

“What?” and there’s Paige and even in this wreckage, Azzi’s heart stutters at the sound of her best friend.

“I think she crashed-”

“WHAT?” there’s frantic shuffling until, “Azzi? Azzi? Hello? Are you there? Fuck. Azzi are you okay? Please say something. C’mon Az. I know you’re there. Can you hear me? Please be okay. Azzi? Fuck, fuck, fuck. Azzi?”

Azzi opens and closes her mouth, trying to answer to the call of her name, but nothing comes out. She feels hot and cold all over at the same and she swears there’s a hand curled around her neck because she can’t fucking breathe.

“Azzi,” Paige says again desperately, “please say something.”

“P-Paige,” Azzi finally manages to stutter, her chest heaving as she gasps for air. There’s blood rushing to her ears and everything around her feels hazy.

“Azzi,” and that one syllable is wrapped in so much emotion, “I’m here okay, are you okay?”

No, Azzi thinks, I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay.

“I c-can’t breathe. I think” she grasps at her neck, “I th-think I’m having a panic attack.”

Paige curses under her breath, “okay, okay alright listen to me breathe okay? And try to match it okay?”

“O-okay,” Azzi whispers, pressing her head to her steering wheel as she tries to mimic Paige’s exaggerated deep breaths on the other end of the line.

“Good girl, you’re doing so well for me Azzi, just keep breathing okay,” Paige’s voice is far calmer than she probably is in reality, “just keep breathing with me okay.”

Azzi closes her eyes as she feels her chest slowly start to loosen up and lets herself be immersed by Paige’s soothing words of comfort. And for a second, it almost feels as if her best friend is right there with her. For a second, Azzi imagines that they’re on a whole other planet, just them in their little world, like it always should have been, like she’d once been so sure it would be. It’s a beautiful dream that reality is quick to gatecrash.

“Babe, is she okay?” Rose asks, and Azzi’s eyes fly open at the term of endearment. She’s not on a different planet. She’s alone. And Paige isn’t.

“I’m fine,” Azzi breathes out and then more firmly, “I’m fine.”

“Thank God,” Paige lets out a sigh of relief before her tone turns sour “what the actual fuck Azzi?”

Azzi winces at the loudness, pretty sure she might have a concussion from the way her head had crashed back into her headrest as she’d crashed into the tree in front of her.

“I’m fine,” she repeats assertedly, as everything around her slowly starts to make sense again. It’s not a lie really, at least not physically. There’s the potential concussion, and the litany of bruises she’s starting to feel all over her body but she’s pretty sure there’s nothing wrong internally. Well except for her stupid fucking heart but it wasn’t the accident that had fucked that organ up.

“You just crashed your fucking car, no you’re not fucking fine,” Paige yells, voice thick with tears.

“What the fuck do you care?” Azzi bites back, “sorry I interrupted your fucking night Paige. I swear it won’t happen again.”

She hangs up before Paige can say anything else, sitting deathly still for a second. And then she lets herself completely break apart.

***

74 missed calls from Paige

did u go to the hospital

pick up ur fucking phone

dude

azzi

this is not the time for this stubborn bullshit

PICK UP UR FUCKING PHONE

AZZI

just say ur ok at least

please

called ur mom

said u had a concussion and some bruising

thats not too bad

ur so fucking stupid

it could be so much worse

please pick up

AZZI FUCKING FUDD PICK UP UR PHONE

so u can call carol and not me ok

thats just fucking perfect

dude i feel like an accident > stupid fights

so maybe just pick up

or call me back

u wanna play this stupid game fine

ignore me for now

but i’mma be in dc for christmas

ur gonna have to talk to me

i know where u live

***

The box in Azzi’s arm feels freakishly heavy, like she’s holding the whole world inside of it. In a way, maybe she is. The walk up Paige’s dad’s driveway feels longer than it ever has and she’s fighting the urge to turn back with every step. As soon as she’d seen the vaguely threatening text message, Azzi had decided she would beat Paige to it. The night of the accident had put several things into perspective and Azzi was determined to finally grasp control of her own life.

It hasn’t been that long since the Cayman Island and so it hasn’t been that long since Azzi’s seen Paige. But when the door opens and she’s face to face with her best friend, despite the dread and anxiety that’s drowning her heart, Azzi still feels that beat of it’s cold but you always make me feel warm flutter in her chest. Paige smiles and Azzi’s arms wobble, drawing the blonde’s attention to the box in her arms.

“Still a couple of days till Christmas Az, a little early to give me my present,” Paige smirks lightly and Azzi feels a river of hot anger slide around her veins. After everything she’d put her through in the last couple of weeks, the fact that Paige could act so frivolous, as if they were still fine, makes Azzi see red.

Her voice is icier than the sheet of frost on the ground when she replies, “it’s not a Christmas present.”

Paige’s eyebrows knit together questioningly, “then-”

“It’s all your stuff I had lying around,” Azzi cuts in, trying to keep her voice confident and stable.

The smile disappears from Paige’s face as she studies Azzi's face, looking for some semblance of emotion beyond the blank stare.

“What?”

“All the things you’ve left at my house over the years, a couple of t-shirts, a hat, a book and a couple other things, they’re in this box,” Azzi says pointedly. She tries to hand it over but Paige is quick to move away from it, staring at the offending object as if it’s a ticking time bomb.

“What the actual fuck is going on Azzi?”

“I might have missed some things. Let me know if I have and I’ll mail them to you in the future,” Azzi recites clinically, keeping her demeanour stoic as possible “and of course I would like my things back as well. Not right now of course. You can mail them to me whenever it suits you.”

“Mail back your things? What? What the fuck are you going on about?” Paige asks, a bewildered expression taking on her face. She reaches out as if she wants to shake Azzi but seems to think better of it.

Azzi doesn’t say anything, as she sidesteps Paige into the house, putting in the utmost effort to make sure no part of herself brushes up against the older girl, knowing the inevitable burst of electricity when they touch would be enough to break her resolve. She places the box of Paige’s stuff on the coffee table in the living room, before turning back to Paige.

“I’m giving you your stuff back,” Azzi repeats, “I’m giving you what you want.”

“What I want? When did I ask for my stuff back?”

Azzi draws in a deep breath, fighting desperately against the screams of you don’t want this in her own head, “I’m giving you a clean break Paige. I’m letting you go.”

Saying those words feels a lot like free-falling. Her stomach lurches at the way Paige’s features scrunch up in pain and she’d never meant to do that, but Azzi’s so tired. She’s so tired of this push and pull, the way they seem to hurt each other every fucking time, the way things get so close to going right and then go wrong any way. The bitter truth of life, Azzi has forced herself to admit, is that it doesn’t matter how hard you fight, sometimes the darkness wins out anyway.

“You think-,” Paige stutters, clutching at her chest, “you think this is what I want?”

“Well isn’t it?”

“Of course n-”

“If I hadn’t called you that night would you have called me first Paige? If I hadn’t gotten into that stupid accident, would you even have texted me ever again?”

Paige’s silence is an answer in itself . And although Azzi had known it, she can’t deny that there’s a part of her that had posed the question hoping against hope that Paige would have answered it with a resounding yes of course. She thinks maybe she should be used to the singe of disappointment that burns her skin by now but she’s never been immune to Paige’s fire.

“That’s what I thought,” Azzi says quietly, “I’m tired of running after you Paige. I thought I was done after the Cayman Islands but then I- I don’t know- I don’t know why I called you that night when you- you clearly didn’t want that.”

“Azzi c’mon-”

“It’s my fault really. Because you've always been clear about it and I- for some reason- I just don’t listen. You were clear with it when you told me to go to UCLA and get out of your life. You were clear when you didn’t want me to come into your air BnB. You were clear when you told me to get out of the bathroom last summer. And when you left that night-,” Azzi pauses as Paige’s eyes widen, the words catching in her throat, “when you were gone that morning- every time you didn’t call- every time you didn’t text- you were always clear about it Paige and I- I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”

“You’re being really fucking unfair right now,” Paige accuses, “you’re mad because I didn’t want to be your fucking side whore? I’m so sorry I had more self-respect than that Azzi.”

Azzi blinks rapidly, her face still completely neutral, “excuse me?”

“You wanna blame me for those first two things, fine. But you have a whole ass girlfriend and you wanted me to be what? Just a girl you can fuck occasionally because you feel like it? Who the fuck do you think I am? I deserve so much better than that.”

“I don’t-”

“You wanna know why I left that morning?” Paige asks icily, “I woke up and the first thing I saw is your girlfriend’s fucking i miss you text. All that shit you said to me when I kissed you in LA about not wanting to be one of my groupies or whatever but what did you want me to be Azzi?”

When they were young and naive, the largest fight they’d ever had was about whether or not one of them had cheated in a game of horse. The allegations of cheater from a 15 year old Paige had seemed massive back then, but they pale in front of the accusations of cheater from a 22 year old Paige. It’s not that Azzi thinks she’s some prime example of a good samaritan and she can deal with people thinking she’s not all that, but it’s different when it’s Paige, it’s different to know that Paige could ever think so low of her.

“You really think I’d do that you? That I’d make you my sidepiece or whatever?”

“What else am I supposed to think about you fucking me while you have a girlfriend?” Paige asks exasperatedly and Azzi flinches at the repeated use of the profanity.

“Had.”

“What?”

Azzi grips the hem of her shirt, trying to focus her eyes anywhere but Paige, “I had a girlfriend. Past tense.”

“You- you broke up with Zoe?” Paige’s expression morphs from anger to confusion before finally settling on realisation.

“I never wanted you to be a side piece. You think I don’t know you deserve better than that?” Azzi rubs her temple, as she tries to keep herself steady on her feet, “I know seeing that text hurt you but it’s not like you didn’t know I had a girlfriend. But- but if you’d just waited for me to wake up, god if you’d just talked to me once instead of jumping to conclusions then-”

“Then what?” Paige breathes out and Azzi doesn’t miss the little spurt of hope that’s taken birth on the older girl's face.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Azzi shakes her head, “that’s also past tense now.”

The thing with Paige is that anger is her protective mechanism. When she gets a little close to losing control of her emotions, or feeling too much, it’s what she falls back on so it’s not surprising that her tone is harsh when she speaks again.

“How the fuck was I supposed to guess you were gonna break up with your girlfriend Az c’mon,” Paige takes a step towards her, “I’m not a fucking mind reader.”

“I never asked you to read my mind. I just- all I’ve ever wanted- is for you to just have a little faith in me- in us,” Azzi’s voice breaks on the last word.

“That’s not fair. I was really fucking hurt Azzi-” Paige begins, her voice pleading.

“And then you tried to hurt me back on purpose,” Azzi spits out as the façade of neutrality completely slips off, “you knew it was me calling and you had that girl pick up any way knowing exactly how it would make me feel.”

“Azzi,” baby blue eyes sparkle with tears and Azzi has to force herself to look away, because no matter how much she’s convinced that this is what needs to happen, seeing Paige break, will drown Azzi and she’s barely floating as it is.

“I don’t enjoy hurting you Paige,” Azzi says softly, “and I don’t think you enjoy hurting me but for the last couple of years, I feel like that’s all we’ve been doing and I- I can’t do it anymore.”

It’s not something she’d ever admitted out loud, or even to herself, but once upon a time Azzi used to think her and Paige would have one of those stories, one of those soft, sappy fairytale-esque stories that had no chance of an ending that wasn’t happily ever after. And she hopes that maybe in another universe, maybe they did have that. Maybe in a universe where she chose UConn and things never went wrong in the first place. Maybe in that universe, they’re happy. But in this universe, they seem to be destined for misery. And Azzi thinks the saddest tragedy of it all, is that it feels like she’s ending a story that never even really got the chance to start.

“So that’s it then, you’re walking away- you’re just- you’re fucking giving up?” Paige says bitterly, crossing her arms protectively over her chest and Azzi feels a flicker of annoyance light up against her ribcage.

“Isn’t that what you did?” she accuses, “Is that not what you do? You walk away every. single. time. because you can’t deal with things getting just a little too fucking hard. And what? I’m just supposed to wait until you come back? Or chase after you like a pathetic little puppy?”

Paige flinches at the hardness in Azzi’s tone, mouth opening and closing but nothing escaping.

“I’m so fucking tired of always being the one calling, the one showing up, the one trying. I’m so fucking tired of fighting for us when it feels like you’re fighting against me,” Azzi pauses,trying to blink away the tears she’d tried so hard to keep locked behind her eyelids, “if you wanna call that me giving up then okay, but I don’t think you realize just how fucking hard I want to hold on.”

Azzi’s not sure if it’s the way her voice cracks, or the absolute misery behind every word she says, but Paige's hard and cold expression is gone so fast it gives her whiplash. And then her Paige, the girl with the warm eyes and soft heart is back, looking at Azzi in a way that makes her want to believe in them all over again. Arms outstretched, Paige takes a step forwards and there’s nothing more Azzi wants then melt into them. It takes everything in her to step away instead. For a moment there’s nothing but them staring at each other in silence, a moment where Azzi tries to memorise everything about Paige just in case this is the last time. And then-

“What if,” Paige begins softly, “what if I entered the draft?”

Azzi looks at her in confusion, “what does that have to do with anything?”

“The Sparks have the second pick, it’s where I’m projected to go,” Paige bites at her lips, peering at Azzi through her eyelashes.

The Sparks. The Los Angeles Sparks.

“Is that what you want?” Azzi asks quietly, trying to prevent her brain from already coming up with dreams of stupid picnic dates at the park during sunset.

Paige hesitates. And it’s enough for those dreams to crumble, because Azzi knows Paige just a little too well, knows exactly what that little bit of hesitation means.

“I haven’t decided yet but if- if there was a reason that I should-”

“There isn’t,” Azzi says firmly, “it’s not what you want.”

“I don’t even fucking know what I want,” Paige argues and that doesn’t make it any better.

“Then figure it out,” Azzi yells, frustratedly rubbing her hands over her face, “I won’t deal with you fucking resenting me and running away again in a couple of years- hell in a couple of months- because you regret your fucking decision.”

“I wouldn’t-”

“Please just stop. It's done. I’ve made up my mind” Azzi begs, exhaustion flooding into her body, “just- just let this go please.”

Paige meets her eyes with a stubborn fire, “I don’t fucking want to.”

“Well tough luck because I do.”

“Azzi,” Paige pleads desperately, trying to block Azzi as she beelines for the door, but the younger girl is quick to push past her.

“Goodbye Paige.”

***

December 2024

azzi please just let me in

ur parent are saying u dont wanna see me

and i get it

but i can fix this i swear

i know u know im here

please fucking let me in

i fucked up

i know

im so fucking sorry

but dude we can fix this

just

can u just fucking let me in

i really wanna see u

i really wanna talk

can we just fucking talk

please

merry christmas az

u know what fuck u actually

didnt mean that sorry

i was just mad

u make me really fucking mad

christmas breaks almost over

i have to go back soon and ik u do too

we should talk before that

ur so fucking stubborn

but so am i

im not giving up

i won’t

January 2024

i miss you

ur really fucking annoying

not texting me back

but its fine

i’ll just fucking spam

i had an ok day today

practice was kinda ass

not me tho

i was great

as always

bet i made more threes than you did

bro im watching ur game

and

what the fuck kinda airball did u just throw up

get in the gym az jfc

oh that was a good pullup

not better than mine

but decent

been a fucking month azzi

just fucking call me back

or text me idk

i miss u

sooooooooooo

hows ur day

good? good.

hows mine?

oh kinda shit

lets see

we lost in front of all these uconn legends

to their fucking rival

everyones saying uconn fucking sucks

some people are saying i suck

they might not be completely wrong

now would be a good time to reply az

like maybe make me feel better

fuck u actually

what the fuck am i doing

idk if u even read these

February 2024

idk maybe i should stop

like maybe only fucking psychos do this

but idk bro

i feel like ur gonna text me back eventually

well sc was a shit show

i mean we knew it but holy shit

i really wanna talk to you about it

it’d mainly just be me fucking yelling

and u giggling

fuck i miss ur laugh

i miss you

idk if u just ignore these

so idk if ur gonna even see this

but

i wanted to tell you first

before u saw it from somewhere else

im staying at uconn

u were right

i didnt want to leave yet

i want my 4 years

but

just dont think it means i didnt mean what i said

that i dont wanna be in la with u

i do

its not about that

i just need to do whats best for me

and thats staying here

fuck

i get what u meant now

u didnt pick ucla over me

fuck fuck fuck

im sorry az

is this how u felt

when i didn’t text u back

because it’s actually fucking hell

i miss you so fucking much dude

i’m so sorry

i’m really fucking sorry azzi

for all of it

please just call me back

March 2024

last pac-12 tournament mvp!!

dude i’m so proud of you

we also won

idk if u heard

it wasnt easy either

everything just always fucking goes wrong

fucking pisses me off

but oh well

u know i dont even like texting

idk how many messages ive sent u

its gotta be hundreds atp

insane shit on my part

tf is wrong with me

did u see the bracket

see u in the final 4 azzi

April 2024

i fucking told u

i told you id see u in the final four

fucking meant it

fuck

gonna kick yalls ass

revenge szn

we’re built different in march

cleveland here we fucking go

but also

cant avoid me anymore

i cant fucking wait to see you az

***

UConn 87 UCLA 84

There’s six seconds left to go and UCLA has control of the ball. The game today had been completely different from the on down in the Cayman Islands. That one had featured a UCLA team that had dominated from start to finish versus a UConn team still reeling from multiple injuries. This time around, UCLA seemed to have lost some of their shine and UConn had been on a tear. She would never give Paige the satisfaction of knowing it but her stupid goading, her incessant smirking because UConn seemed poised to win handedly, had gotten in Azzi’s head for most of the game. The fourth quarter had seen UConn enter with a 11 point lead that had held study until the last two and a half minutes when something had finally clicked for Azzi.

“Told you, you should have fucking come to UConn,” Paige had sneered while casually dribbling the ball and that had been enough to break Azzi out of whatever funk she’d been in. All of her anger and frustration at Paige seemed to culminate into that one moment as she’d swiped the ball straight from Paige’s hands, narrowly avoiding a foul. An easy steal-and-score layup was followed by two signature three pointers, created by her team’s defence, and suddenly the lead had been cut down to three. On the other side, Muhl had been called for an offensive foul and immediately Coach Close had called for a timeout to advance the ball.

When both teams get back on the court, Azzi, with her competitive streak in full control of her emotions, relishes in the way Paige’s face is contorted up in frustration. But it isn’t just this game that has Azzi irritated. Paige had been relentless since both teams had landed in Cleveland in trying to corner Azzi. She’d known it was gonna happen since she’d read the text but still Azzi had hoped that maybe the blonde would just let it go, would understand just how much Azzi didn’t want to have to deal with this. Because seeing Paige hurts. All the missing and yearning of the past few months seemed to have blended into this ball of tight hot pain that had burst the minute Paige had smiled at Azzi. She knows Paige means well, and it’s taking everything in her to ignore the part of her that’s secretly enamoured by how hard the point guard is trying finally, but Azzi just can’t do it again. She can’t let Paige in again and then spend every other second scared that Paige will run away again.

The whistle blows and Charisma gets ready to inbound the ball. The play call had been to just get it to Azzi but it’s clearly one that UConn had anticipated, because she finds herself swarmed with Paige and Muhl both trying to make sure she doesn’t get the ball. Instead, it’s Kiki who gets the ball and the countdown starts, as Azzi fights to get herself free, running off of screens, to get herself open on the three point line. It takes too much time and they don’t have any more timeouts left. Kiki throws it inside to Lauren who misses the layup but gets her own rebound and somehow the ball finally finds its way into Azzi’s hands. And with barely a second left to go, and Paige’s hand firmly in her face, Azzi throws up a prayer. The arena goes deathly silent as the ball hits the back and then circles every inch of the rim before spilling over the edge and falling straight into Edwards’ hands.

The crowd erupts in deafening cheers as the UConn bench rushes to the court, jubilantly hugging each other with Paige in the middle. Azzi blinks rapidly, refusing to be caught shedding a single tear on camera. Her teammates look distraught and Azzi feels disappointment curling into every crevice of her skin she’d almost had it. In the grand scheme of things she knows that, that shot would have only guaranteed overtime and not a win but still, it wouldn’t have meant a loss. And she knows this one isn’t completely on her either but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t feel the burden of it on her shoulders any way.

But despite it all, seeing Paige’s bright smile stretch all over her beaming face as she celebrates with her team, soothes the sting of the loss just a little bit. Azzi still remembers late night calls and Paige’s broken voice too well, her brain imprinted with the misery of a girl who had just wanted to play the sport she loved and couldn’t. And even if everything between them resembles the remnants of an earthquake, Azzi can’t help but be just a little bit happy for Paige.

The handshake line is better this time around with no one being unnecessarily hostile. One team is too happy to care and when Muhl briefly hugs her, Azzi can’t help but be a little shocked by the affection. Her team is too despondent to be mad, and Angela briefly nods at Paige when shaking her hand, and gets a reassuring grin in return. Azzi has to force herself not to run away, if only for decorum’s sake, once she and Paige finally get to each other. Trying to keep herself steady, she reaches out her hand to counter Paige’s outstretched arms. The smile falls a little bit from Paige’s face as a more resigned expression takes its place.

“Good game Bueckers,” Azzi manages to muster out.

The last name stings but Paige does her best to not let it show, “good game Az.”

***

When there’s a knock on the door to her hotel room a little bit after 10pm, Azzi knows exactly who it is. The look that Charisma gives her as she goes to open it, suggests that she does too.

“Oh thank fucking god, I thought maybe y’all left already,” and there it is, Paige voice echoing through her room and from where she’s perched on the edge of bed, her feet dangling over the side, Azzi catches a brief glimpse of the UConn point guard.

“Had a little bit of a transportation issue. We’re not leaving til tomorrow morning,” Charisma explains, “what are you doing here Paige?”

Paige shuffles her feet nervously at the doorway, peering over Charisma’s frame in the doorway to catch sight of Azzi, “can I talk to Azzi?”

“First you kick my ass in the final four, and now you wanna kick me out of my own room?” Charisma asks, voice light but there’s an edge of seriousness to it.

“I-uh-”

“Az,” Charisma turns to Azzi with a questioning look, and Azzi sighs at having all the attention on her, “you wanna talk to her?”

Say no. Say yes. Her head fights with itself. And for the last few months, Azzi’s done well with listening to the logical part of her brain, diligently sticking to letting go. But that had only been easy to do because Paige hadn’t actually been there. Now that she is, with bright hopeful eyes fixed on Azzi, well, this time the emotional side wins out. She nods her head in yes at Charisma and Paige seems to glow all over.

“You’re lucky it’s me and not Angela or Kiki or any of the other girls,” Charisma warns, “but I swear to god Bueckers if I come back and there’s a single tear-”

“Then you have my permission to fucking murder me,” Paige vows, her face a paragon of sincerity.

Charisma nods once, stepping aside to let Paige in. The Bruin’s point guard looks at Azzi once more for confirmation and then, satisfied by the small smile Azzi shoots at her, she leaves the room, letting the door shut behind her. And then it’s just Paige and Azzi and the myriad of unspoken thoughts that seem to always linger between them.

“Hi,” Paige says softly.

Azzi stares up at her with tired eyes, “shouldn’t you be celebrating or something?”

“Still one more game to go. Gotta lock in for that first.”

“Then go do that. What are you doing here?”

Paige flinches at the harsh tone and Azzi feels a wave of guilt come over her. She doesn’t mean to be so hostile but she’s scared that if she gives in just a little, all of her will go tumbling down.

“Sunday is the most important game of my life,” Paige says quietly.

“I know- I know it means a lot to you.”

“It does,” Paige nods, as she takes a step forward, hesitating for a second, before she drags a foot stool over, so she can sit right in front of Azzi, “will you stay for it?”

“That’s not-,” Azzi sucks in a deep breath, her senses muddle by having Paige so close to her again, “I thought I was clear about- about us.’

“You were but I thought I was clear with my texts,” Paige counters.

“Paige please.”

“I just-,” Paige pauses, leaning forward and staring intently at Azzi, “I don’t know how the national championship is gonna go. I don’t know if we’re gonna win or lose but I just- I know that no matter what happens, I want you there. Because if I’m gonna end up fucking crying, then I want it to be on your shoulder. And if I’m gonna end up celebrating, I want it to be in your arms. I just- I just want you there. With me. Always.”

Everything else floats away and for a moment, all Azzi knows is Paige, and the warmth that reverberates through her body at the earnestness in those words. If she could, she’d capture that feeling in a bottle and keep it forever. Because moments are fleeting. And when her brain catches up to her heart, and that voice in her head is back to echoing it won’t last, Azzi feels cold all over again.

“You don’t believe me,” disappointment echoes in Paige’s voice; she’s always been a little too perceptive of Azzi’s emotions, “you think I don’t mean it?”

“I think you mean it now. I don’t think you’ll mean it forever,” Azzi shrugs.

Paige is quiet, nerves on full display, as she cautiously reaches for Azzi’s hands with both of her own, an audible sigh of relief floating out of her lips when Azzi lets her.

“I know I fucked up,” she begins quietly, thumb caressing Azzi’s palms, each trace sending jolts of electricy through the younger girl’s body, “like really fucked up and I get why you think that. I get why- why you’re so scared to believe me. And I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

A teardrop rolls down Paige’s cheek, falling onto their intertwined hands, and Azzi feels herself flinch, her own eyes beginning to glisten.

“If I could go back in time, I’d change so many fucking things. I’d go back to the beginning- back to your room the night before you went to LA and- and I’d tell myself to shut the fuck up. I’d tell you that I supported you- that I understood that you weren’t choosing UCLA over me- and I’d- I’d tell you that it didn’t matter how many fucking miles away from me you were- we’d survive it. But I can’t- I can’t change the past. I can’t change that we fought. I can’t change that- that I was a fucking idiot for ignoring you for a year. I can’t change that I was a dumbass for leaving that morning.”

Tears are freely streaming from both of their eyes now as they grip each other’s hands tightly. There’s something cathartic about finally being able to cry, about finally being able to mourn the loss of what could have been together.And it feels a little bit like healing.

Paige looks up at Azzi through watery eyelashes as she continues to speak, her voice wrecked with emotion, “and I’m not gonna make promises about how I’ll never do shit to hurt you again because god knows I can be really fucking stupid.”

They let out simultaneous giggles at that and Azzi can feel something in herself unravelling.

“But what I can promise is that if you let me, every day- every fucking day that I live- I will try. To not hurt you. To make it up to you. To fix this. To fix us. And I can promise, that I will never ever fucking run away from you again. I know- I know it’s gonna be hard but I swear- I fucking swear- that I will stay right here and face it with you.”

“Paige,” Azzi whispers helplessly. It’s everything she’s wanted to hear and it’s too much. The voices in her head are too loud again, screams of she’ll hurt you, she always does, let her go colliding with shouts of it’s Paige, it’s your Paige, hold on to her.

“You said- you said you were tired of fighting alone but you never- you never have to do that again because- because I’m here now. Fuck- Azzi I’m here. And I know- I know there’s so much we have to talk about and so much we still have to fucking deal with. But we can do that- we can- we can deal with anything. Because it’s us. Paige and Azzi. We can do anything. Together.”

Paige presses her forehead to Azzi’s, pulling their interlocked hands to her chest. They’re breathing in sync and Azzi can feel the thrum of Paige’s heart beat against her fingertips. Azzi’s eyes close of their own accord, as Paige’s lips brush over hers, her next words coming out in a breathless whisper.

“Believe in me- believe in us just one more time, please.”

#pazzi #paige bueckers #azzi fudd #wcbb

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