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#self care is listening to Taylor swift
bluecardigan-13 · 5 months
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I’m probably writing to no one. But I’d like to pretend I’m writing to you.
Life is really hard right now. I’m super homesick after only 4 months of living in Oklahoma after moving here from HI. You’d think I would be alright since I moved here with my kids and husband by choice.
Mainly to first get my life back in order due to a chaotic life and living with 2 narcissistic parents. And the sudden loss of my dad in 2021. But I’m not ok. And I don’t know what to do with all that.
We also moved cause the cost of living in Hawaii is crazy expensive compared to OK. And so living on permanent disability makes things difficult especially after having a successful career in insurance for over 15 yrs. And also being a successful business woman with zero college degrees, brings my self esteem to nothing.
My anxiety and self confidence has always been all over the place. I have always been this control freak over everything in my life. Like I should be this or that, and have these things accomplished by a certain age etc.
But that all got taken away from me when I got sick in 2017. I got fired from my job that while it was stressful, I was good at it. I was an insurance underwriter for Lloyds of London insuring all kinds of “weird” things. But again - I was good at it!
I brought in $50M in revenue alone. And helped that department meet their gross premium goal for the first time since they started the department.
And before that I worked for Fireman’s Fund as a senior business analyst. And knew everything about everything for every single state of the union where insurance came! I worked in a call center where people would call in (who worked for the company) and would ask for me specifically cause they knew I knew what I was talking about.
Heck my boss would even turn to me to ask about business processes! I trained in our new hires. But the company wasn’t doing well and the parent company decided that it couldn’t take anymore losses due to bad decisions made by underwriting.
And so the parent company based out of Germany absorbed it. And even though I was the best they had, I got fired. Which sucked! I was angry. But I sucked it up and made sure the people who were going to be left behind would be well trained. The sad part is I was up for a management job. Well that job went to the most incompetent person on the team. LOL
Isn’t that life? But now I’m here sick with several mental illnesses and incurable medical illnesses. And making the best of it.
I make YouTube videos and hope I can help people like me. Hoping that when they see me they will see themselves and say hey there’s someone like me, and she’s doing ok. And maybe I can too.
Mental health and chronic illness/pain aren’t talked about enough. It needs to be don’t you think? It needs more of a platform, and that we need to also show people it’s ok to say I’m not ok.
Also I use art therapy to cope. I crochet and I also pour epoxy resin on my channel. I know it’s not that big of a deal but hey you have to start somewhere right?
I’m just wondering who’s listening tho? Really listening.
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softlysavvy · 24 days
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new study session 🫖, studying mecanics this time♥️ woking on a group report we have to submit 🌸🌸
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milfygerard · 9 months
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in summary. I find taylor swift interesting bc shes lost the idgaf war against everyone including herself.
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halsteadsbradshaw · 1 year
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In the past 24 hours I’ve had 2 professors knock my confidence down a few (very many) pegs so you know that’s fun
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alexlwrites · 4 months
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𝑭𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒕
✿𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: Jungkook x Reader
✿ 𝑺𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚:  The one where everytime you get dumped you pretend that you never met the guy before to mess with their heads. To the point that if you run into them somewhere you reintroduce yourself and act like you’ve never seen each other before.
Enters fuckboy Jungkook who disappears after your night together, not knowing how much he was about to regret that choice.
✿ 𝑻𝒂𝒈𝒔:  Romance, Humor, Fluff, Angst, College AU
✿ 𝑨/𝑵: I’m truly sorry for this sad excuse of an update.
(Fanfic masterlist)
(support me on my ko-fi)
°•. ✿ .•°
𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨 - 𝐎𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐲, 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬
(<<< part one)
“I can’t believe you’re doing this again” Jane’s voice rang through the phone as you walked down the streets towards your desired coffee spot.
You also couldn’t believe you were doing that again. You tried your best to live your life with no regrets, but men made it very hard.
“Have you seen him since he fled the crime scene?”
“Stop calling it a crime scene” you snapped.
“Well, have you?”
Your silence was enough of an answer. No, you had not seen or heard from Jungkook since he ran away from your bedroom in the dead of night, leaving behind only the smell of cologne and, funnily enough, a single sock. When you woke up that day to an empty bed, sheets crumbled and a mattress indented on the side where he had slept, all you could muster was a tired sigh of disappointment. 
And to be completely honest, you were disappointed with yourself, not Jungkook. You expected nothing less than a quick escape of him. But you should’ve known better than to hope for anything. Despite everything, you were still an idealist at heart and you thought that maybe just this once…
You shook your head obstinately. You had learned early on that no good would come from moping around for men who would never once feel any regret for their thoughtless actions and if your pain were to be always one sided, then it was better not to feel any at all. Not to dwell on it, move on, learn from it and be better. Or be worse, sometimes, as self-improvement was not always your goal.
Sometimes, you chose to listen to the tiny revengeful angel on your shoulder - who kind of sounded like Taylor Swift - that screamed for violence and vindication.
As your failed relationships started to pile up, you did reach a point where you had to wonder if you were the problem, as it was the canonical event of all 20 something women. But observation, therapy, critical thinking and hereditary pettiness brought you to the decision that it was not, in fact, your fault. At least not all of it. 
With that in mind, you left only the smallest of time slots in your booked and busy schedule to ponder and grieve over the fickle nature of boys’ interests. You had better, more important things to do, such as mindlessly scroll through Minecraft/AITA videos and save pilates routines that you were never gonna do. 
Still, in an experience intrinsically feminine, you allowed yourself a little treat to cope with the slight burn of despondency in the back of your mind. 
And so you directed yourself to the bougie coffee house near campus, hoping to drown your sorrows with an aggressively sweet and overly caffeinated drink. 
“You should slash his tires”
“Jane, please, we have talked about this.”
“You should totally slash his fucking tires!"
"Saying it louder is not gonna make me agree with you! Jane…"
Suddenly your eyes found Jungkook's across the room filled to the brim with depressed, financially irresponsible students, making you pause and hold back the urge to curl your lips in distaste. It bothered you that even with scared eyes as big as saucers and hunched shoulders to appear smaller, Jungkook still managed to look good. 
But you knew better than to let him know how much his presence and pretty face annoyed you. Boys like Jungkook only cared about having an impact on people’s life, very rarely caring if it was good or bad. He wanted a reaction out of you and you learned better than to give those away so carelessly.
So you frowned and looked away, the words practiced on your lips as you said “Some guy is staring at me.”
Jane laughed loudly on the phone “You’re a psycho, you know that?”
“I don’t know who it is, Jane, some dude” you stole a quick glance at him, finding vengeful glee at his shocked expression.
“Send me a pic of his reaction, I’m posting it on TikTok.”
You continued playing your part, ignoring your sister’s interruptions as you usually did “Of course I’m carrying a taser, Jane, I’m not an animal…”
“I’ll give you 5 bucks to tase him.”
“You know what, this coffee is not even worth the visual harassment, God I hate men…”
You walked out of the coffee house, hand empty but with a fulfilled sick sense of accomplishment as you stepped out into the street with a shit-eating grin.
“I hope you know what you’re doing” Jane said and you could hear the smile in her voice. Out of your two sisters, Jane was never the one to tell you to not do something, preferring to let you make your own mistakes.
And boy, did you. 
You left your big, beautiful, tattooed mistake behind you, ready to move on to something less prone to disappointment, such as fictional men and your Stardew Valley husband “Dont worry” you told your sister “I don’t.”.
“What are you doing?” Jungkook asked, left eye twitching slightly at your unbothered expression.
After your confusing exit from the coffee shop and a good amount of jabs from his friends, Jungkook had to hunt you down across campus, finding you sitting under a tree with a book in your hands, looking way too peaceful for someone who just had humiliated him.
You looked down at your book with an arched eyebrow “Kegels, clearly. Why?”
“No, I mean…” Jungkook’s frustration was rising by the second, the vein on his neck jumping out “Why are you acting like you don’t know me?”
You frowned.
 “Do I know you?” you asked, face doubtful.
“We have classes together?”
You blinked, impassive.
“We went on a date?”
A head shake.
“We slept together!”
“Nope, can’t say it rings any bells.”
That’s it. Jungkook was actually convinced you were clinically insane. 
“How can you not remember?”
“How can I remember something that never happened?”
“But it did! You’re crazy! I chased you for weeks!”
You smiled, a trap.
“So, you're, like, in love with me?” you ask, tone condescending. 
Jungkook scoffed and you weren’t sure if it was at the idea of love or loving you. “No, of course not.”
“So in this dream scenario of yours, we had sex but we weren’t together?”
“Trust me, this” he gestured between the two of you “is no dream scenario.”
“Well, aren’t you a charmer” you crossed your arms in front you, defensive “Let me get this straight. You, allegedly, chased me for weeks, but don’t really like me. Then, we had casual, out-of-relationship sex and then what? You banged my head against the headboard so hard I completely forgot about it? Your story is full of holes, my dude.”
You had to fight back the urge to smirk, energy spiking from feeding off of Jungkook’s stupefied confusion.
Nail in the coffin, you shrugged, turning your eyes back to your book “Maybe you weren’t that memorable and my mind deleted you like a childhood trauma.”
A slight left eye spasm was all the reaction you got at first, evolving to the pursing of pouty lips and the clenching of fists.
“You are insane” he said at last after seconds of turning clogs in his barely filled mind.
“Finally you said something true.”
Jungkook was equally bewildered and furious. He didn’t know what your deal was or what you were getting out of this, but your refusal to admit you had sex pissed him off deeply considering how much time and effort he put into getting you together.
“Also, I have to ask” you continued, clearly not done with your pursuit of driving him up the wall “what was your goal with this conversation? Chasing me for weeks to then sleep with me and then come here and tell me you’re not actually interested in me, but being upset when I don’t remember something that didn’t happen… What’s the point?”
Jungkook paused. Truly, he didn’t have much of an end goal in mind, actions fueled only by a bruised ego and a childish, borderline pathological need to prove himself.
When he didn’t answer, you stood up and gathered your things, keeping your head down to hide your poorly concealed satisfaction “I’ll let you ponder on that” you said “Don’t worry about reaching out with an answer, though.”
Finally, you looked up at him, face masked with faux awkwardness. “Anyway. Nice to meet you, I guess? No, actually, not really, this was weird as shit. You seem to have some things to figure out. Get help and take care, my dude.”
And so you left, leaving behind only a cloud of your bergamot perfume and a perplexed Jungkook blinking owlishly. 
There was a sudden influx of thoughts rushing through his usually much less busy mind, the general tone of confusion ringing amongst humiliation and frustration.
When Jungkook first set his greedy eyes on you, he had an inkling that you’d be a handful and in the beginning, you truly were. You took pleasure in making everything much more difficult for him, running from his presence like the plague and approaching the whole subject of him like one would the subject of warts - reluctantly and with caution.
And if he were honest, he wasn’t too sure on why he insisted, but one would be surprised at how far Jungkook would escalate things out of spite and resentment.
It was that same sick combination of flavors that drove him insane for weeks, moving him to pester you until you gave him a chance. And he took it, lord, did he take it.
That night, he made every possible effort to please you, cloaked in his best, non-ranch stained clothes and best non-arrogant behavior.
And when morning came and he opened up his eyes before you did, tired out from the epitome of his bestest behavior, there was a moment of quiet as he watched you eyelids flutter delicately, soft arm draped lightly over his waist.
The night before had been… Fun, he thought, even before you had reached your bedroom. You were weird and used a bunch of words he didn’t know, but you also made him laugh and listened to him babbling about his interest without once looking bored, even going as far as asking questions about his farfetched MCU theories.
And despite your many (too many to count, insurmountable really) differences, you had… Chemistry, one could call it. Thick chemistry, palpable tension, pushing you towards each other despite your previous attempts to go the other way.
But no amount of chemistry could break Jungkook’s routine as inertia pushed him out of your bed, practiced steps light as feathers as he escaped your apartment with one last look to your sleeping form and somehow one less sock on his feet.
And as he left, there was an undiagnosed pounding in his heart he tried to chalk off as the result of his Dorito and monster drink based diet, but his eyes kept flashing back to where you rested even when he was miles away.
He tried to make sense of your persistent presence in the back of his mind. You were cool, he’d give you that. Hot too. But it didn’t matter how your body fit his like they were manufactured together or how your passive aggressive way of flirting (or insulting, he had a hard time telling them apart with you) never failed to steal a snort from his lips. And yeah, it was kind of nice when you called him cute everytime he didn’t understand something you said. It brought a blush to his cheeks and wild butterflies to his stomach, because… Well, no one had ever called him cute after middle school. Hot? Yes. Sexy? Once a week. Biggest dick ever? Yes, both meanings.
But not cute. And deep down, under layers of aggressively oversized shirts and muscles… Jungkook kind of liked being cute.
Jungkook shook that thought away. Despite all that, you were a point he had to make.
And he did! Point proven and undisputed, up until you looked at him like he was a silly little kid throwing a tantrum (which he kind of was) and questioned him and his sanity,
But Jungkook was obstinate and, even more, the sorest of losers. He had proven himself once and would again! He was a man on a mission, he decided, watching you walk away from him while mouthing the words “I’ll pray for you!”. And the mission was to either send you into a psychiatric hospital or get you back into his bed.
And if the butterflies in his stomach fluttered excitedly at that second prospect, he didn’t allow himself to ponder on it for a single second.
°•. ✿ .•°
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withleeknow · 3 months
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happy place.
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pairing: minho x reader genre/warnings: established relationship, fluff; unedited, just me being self-indulgent and word vomitting again word count: 0.8k listen to 🎧: you are in love - taylor swift
as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡
navigation / masterlist / ko-fi
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one of your favorite things that minho does is when he drops everything just to hug you. unprompted, out of nowhere.
you like to call these sporadic moments your silent hug time.
it started not too long ago, maybe a few months back, on a random sunday afternoon while you were all snuggled up with soonie on the couch and lazily flipping through the pages of the book you were reading. it had been gloomy and miserable all day; you and minho were supposed to drive to the beach and soak up the last rays of summer sun before fall announced its arrival.
the weather had other plans though. no more beach day, that was for sure.
your boyfriend quietly walked into the room, not saying a word as he grabbed the novel in your hands, slid your bookmark into place and unceremoniously dropped the book onto the carpeted floor. soonie was promptly handled - much more gently - and placed somewhere next to the couch, which earned minho a controlled hiss before the cat just wandered elsewhere in the house seeing that your cuddle session was so rudely interrupted.
you’d learned not to question why minho did the things he did or how that peculiar brain of his worked, so you just quietly watched him with a puzzled look on your face, curious to see what he would do next.
you didn’t know what you expected, but to have him quite literally flop onto your body, pinning you underneath him as he rested his head on your chest, was definitely not something you had in mind.
“you good?” you asked, threading your fingers through his hair to play with the soft floofy mess, holding him close to your heart.
minho just hummed in response as he hugged you tightly. he didn’t sound upset or anything; there was nothing for you to worry about.
he then stayed in the same position for roughly fifteen minutes before pushing himself off of you. “recharged. thanks,” he announced curtly, pressing an appreciative kiss to your lips and leaving the room without an explanation.
that’s kind of how it became a thing. minho would randomly surprise you with silent hug time every now and then, always without warning and reasoning. you suppose that he does it whenever he wants a little boost of energy and affection, whenever he feels down and needs a little pick-me-up, or simply whenever he just wants to be close to you for a while before returning to his day. to “recharge,” as he would call it. it doesn’t even matter what you're doing when he wants it; any time can be silent hug time.
you’re making dinner? not anymore. minho already has the stove turned off before holding you hostage between his body and the kitchen counter, his arms around you keeping you flush against him.
you just got back from grocery shopping and the ice cream needs to be put in the freezer? nope, minho doesn’t give a shit about that. your two tote bags full of produce and snacks can stay on the floor for all he cares. all that matters to him the second you walked through the front door is bombarding you with a bear hug and flooding his senses with the scent of your shampoo and the perfume he loves most on you.
you’re both running late to changbin’s housewarming party? too bad. what minho wants, minho gets and minho gets right now. you can only sigh in defeat as his hands slide around your waist to pull you to him, his face finding refuge in the crook of your neck where he gives you a quick kiss there. you wrap your arms around his neck, turning occasionally to press your lips against his temple. changbin will definitely be fussy about your tardiness, but if you’re being totally honest, he’s lucky that you’re able to drag minho there at all.
in all fairness, it’s cute. it’s wonderfully endearing and such a minho thing to do. in true minho fashion, he would rather manhandle you and let your ice cream melt than tell you that he wants a hug, because god knows that minho would never willingly admit it on his own.
nevertheless, even if you you might not be able to hear him ask a simple question like “can i get a hug?” in this lifetime, you still have the privilege of being the one he goes to when he needs peace and comfort, and his actions speak more than his words ever could.
minho thinks of you first because he associates you with nothing but goodness. because you’re his happy place. you’re the calm amidst every storm, the safe harbor he can always return to when he needs shelter. every pretty color he sees and every beautiful adjective in his vocabulary? that’s all you.
to minho, you aren’t even synonymous with love. you are love.
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all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 09.02.2024]
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danveration · 3 months
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What if I told you I'm a mastermind? And now you're mine.
Parings: Dark!Creepy!Vox x GN!reader
Summary: Vox has a plan to finally make you his
Word count: 3145
Warnings: Stalking, obsession, manipulation, delusion, self-delusion, reader getting hypnotized by Vox against their will, mention of death, mentions of cannibalism (cannibal town), being watched while naked, reader being hurt by Vox physically
Part one
A/N: GUYS. I have a part 3 planned out but it’s REALLY fucking dark😭. Also, I was listening to the song “Mastermind” by Taylor Swift while writing this. (Hence the inspiration for the title)
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Vox is getting impatient.
It’s been two weeks since he met you face to face. Two weeks since he gave you the laptop in which he’s been watching you through the webcam, and still all the cameras. Two weeks since you have been getting paranoid.
Ever since you’ve been using the laptop, you’ve noticed it’s been sparking with electricity whenever you use it. You kind of brushed it aside though because maybe this is normal for VoxTek technology.
But little did you know, it’s not normal. None of this is normal. Vox has been watching you and seeing what you browse on your laptop 24/7. He has had little no breaks. Valentino and Velvette have been giving Vox the side eye as of late, looking at him with pity/concern. He doesn’t care though, he just thinks they’re the crazy ones. This is completely okay and normal for him! How is it wrong? Nobody could prove him otherwise.
Vox must admit, seeing you face to face on the laptop camera other than angles from the cameras that are far away, is completely different. This is a millstone for him. He gets to admire you up close and take in every single detail of you. A couple days ago, you forgot to close your laptop that was on a table in your room, facing your bed. That was a fantastic day for Vox. He had a field day. He isn’t ashamed of what he did, he’s proud. He did it for you.
You’re currently sitting on your bed with your laptop, scrolling through Hell’s news feed. You’re bored, you want to do something but honestly there’s nothing much to do in Hell that doesn’t have a 90% death rate. You decide to close the laptop and go downstairs.
Vox is up. He’s been up. He had two cups of coffee beside him and he’s been awake for.. What is the hour now? He’s lost count. He just doesn’t want to miss something happening in your life! What if you wake up with a nightmare? What if bad people want to hurt you suddenly when you’re outside or asleep?? There’s so many things that could happen. He needs to be there and alert to protect you.
“Fuck sakes, Vox. You’re still on this? Clear your head, dummy!” Velvette says with a roll of her eyes.
“Shut up. My head is clear, Velvette. I’m as sane as I’d ever be!” He says.
“Uh huh.. sure. Whatever you say.” She says, walking away.
Vox shakes his head and chuckles. “People are crazy.”
He looks back up to his screen, watching you go downstairs.
You get downstairs and see that everyone is down here.
“Ah! Y/n! Goodmorning!” Charlie says with a smile.
“Morning, Charlie.” You say with a smile, waving.
“Good morning, dear!” Alastor says to you, while he’s sitting on a chair.
You look over to where he is. “Morning, Al!”
Vox’s eye twitches.
Angel and Husk are talking at the bar, and Niffty and Sir Pentious are talking. Well.. Niffty seems to be telling him something and he’s standing there in shock, looking terrified. Typical reaction for when Niffty is telling you something.
Vaggie is cleaning her spear in the lounge area, and Charlie is writing on a paper.
“Sooo, now that everyone’s here I have an announcement to make!” Charlie says, looking up from her paper. “Today.. We are doing group activities! Yay! Haha so, basically I had the great idea for all of us to go out on the town together and just spend time with one another. Doesn’t that sound fun?!” She says with excitement.
A day on the town. Honestly, that sounds nice. You’re bored out of your mind today so anything goes.
“Eehh.. I dunno. I had plans alrea-“ Angel starts but Charlie cuts him off.
“Oh come onnn! It’ll be fun, I promise!” Charlie says.
Everyone is silent so she takes that as a yes. “Alright! Great! Everyone meet here in an hour and off we go!”
You go upstairs to get dressed.
Vox listens intently to what Charlie says. A day on the town? He’s been racking his brain on how to talk to you in real life again. This may be just the thing! What if you two “accidentally” run into each other? Perfect. He notices that he’s not in the best physical state at the moment. He’s in sweat pants and a stained t-shirt. And he hasn’t showed in... A couple days. He has an hour to freshen up. He bolts out of the room to take a shower, brush his teeth, and put on his classic suit outfit.
You’re getting out of the shower and you pick out an outfit to wear. Fixing your appearance, you notice you left your laptop open again. Damn, you’ve got to get on closing that. It’ll lose its battery!
Vox steps out of the hot shower, looking at himself in the mirror. He winks at himself and goes to pick his suit outfit. After getting dressed and ready, he glances at the screen and sees you naked, about to get dressed.
“Fuck.” He says, eyeing you up and down. He feels he’s in a trance, which is ironic.
“All mine.” He whispers. Shaking his head quickly to gain composure, he sets off to go to the hotel. He will watch you guys from afar until you arrive somewhere where it’s likely where he’d be at too. Then, his mastermind plan will layout.
———————————————————————
You get downstairs and everyone is there, which is surprising. You’d expect at least Angel or Alastor to sneak off, not wanting to do this.
“Allriiggghht!! Let’s go.” Charlie says, walking to the entrance and opening the door for everyone.
“Where exactly are we going?” Angel says.
“Yeah, I’m not looking to walk no marathon.” Husk joins in.
“Wellll, I was thinking we’d just go to..” Charlie trails off. “Umm..”
“Charlie, do you even know where you’re taking us?” You say with a chuckle.
“Well…. Not yet. But! This isn’t about the destination. It’s about spending time together!” She says with a smile.
“I ssuppose you’re right.” Sir Pentious says.
Alastor’s ears twitch upwards and he says, “I have a marvelous idea! We could go to cannibal town! It’s truly a wonderful place. Remember, Charlie?” Alastor suggests.
“Hmm.. You know, that’s actually not a bad idea!” Charlie says.
Everyone gives them looks.
“Cannibal? As is.. Cannibal?” Sir Pentious says with shock.
“Ooohh..” Niffty laughs. “I’m SO excited!” She says, jumping up and down.
“Yeah! It’s not as bad as it sounds, I promise.” Charlie says with a smile.
“Whatever you think is best, babe.” Vaggie says, holding onto Charlie’s arm.
“Cannibal town it is!” Charlie says, leading the group.
———————————————————————
Vox is overhearing the conversation. “Cannibal town? Are you fucking kidding me?” He whispers, walking a safe distance away from you guys. Even simply seeing you exist is driving him crazy. You’re so perfect. “Cannibal town it is then. The things we do for love.” He chuckles to himself.
The way you walk is so memorizing to him. Look at you. He feels electricity spark around him, knocking over a electric pole next to him, making a loud noise.
“Shit.” He says, glancing in front of him, seeing you all stop for a moment, about to look back.
He quickly looks to his left and jumps out of the way. He waits a few seconds and then peaks out, seeing you all keep walking forward.
He sighs and goes back to following you.
What he didn’t notice was that Alastor was no longer with the group, instead, he teleported himself behind Vox. He notices, of course he does. He smiles to himself at the fact that he now has the upper hand, he has something to now hold over his head.
Teleporting back to the group, he glances over to Charlie.
“My dear, there it is!” He points.
“Ahh! Guys, we are here!” She says.
You all look around in shock. It’s actually.. Really nice there. Nicer than any place you’ve seen in Hell since you arrived. Everyone seems very polite.
Angel goes off to flirt with people, Husk looks around for the nearest bar, Charlie and Vaggie take pictures together, Sir Pentious is looking around paranoid, and Niffty is.. Where’s Niffty? Oh well, she’ll show up sooner than later. And Alastor is chatting with a lady. You think her name is Rosie? You saw her on an overload poster the other day.
You see a water fountain and go to sit by it.
Vox looks around. He’s pleasantly surprised. This isn’t the kind of place he’d choose to go, but it’s still not as bad as he thought it would be. He thought it would just be people violently eating and killing each other.
He sees you sitting on a bench beside a fountain, and walks up from behind.
You’re feeling kind of thirsty so you get up to go find the nearest store. Hopefully they sell things other than human remains.
Vox takes this as his chance, he walks swiftly beside you and then bumps into you on “accident.”
You jump and look to your side.
Vox..?
“Oh shit sorry!” He chuckles, looking up at you.
“Oh you’re.. Y/n, right?” He says with a charming smile.
“Yeah.” You chuckle awkwardly.
“You come here often?” He asks.
“To cannibal town? No, haha. Me and some friends are just visiting.” You explain.
“Ahhh.. I see, I see.” He stares at you in admiration.
You can’t help but feel weird around him. You’re not sure why. He seems like a nice guy, but.. There’s just something about him.
“Well..” You say. “I’ve got to get going.”
“Mind if I join you?” He says with a smile. “Wouldn’t want anyone eating you or anything like that.” He laughs and starts walking with you, not waiting for an answer.
“Soo.. How’ve you been? Have you been enjoying your new laptop?” He asks you.
You can’t seem to find a store that would sell water so you just stand there, turning your head to Vox to make conversation.
“I’ve been pretty good! Bored, but good. And yeah actually, I’ve been using it a lot.” You say, smiling.
“Oh that’s good, that’s good.” He says, nodding.
His heart is beating out of his chest right now.
You try your best to put aside your feelings of uneasiness towards him. It’s probably nothing. He’s just a new face and you gotta get used to that! He didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just your brain being annoying.
Little did you know, you have every single right to feel uneasy.
“Have you enjoyed all the features?” He asks, wanting to know more about what your thoughts are on the laptop. But more or less, just wanting to hear your voice and make as much conversation as he can with you.
“Yeah! Though.. I’ve noticed something weird. Is it.. normal for the laptops to spark electricity?” You ask in question, remembering how whenever you went on it, you saw sparks aka Vox watching you.
Vox smiles and says, “Absolutely! That’s completely normal. We thought it would be a cool idea, you know? It’s completely harmless!” He says in a convincing tone.
You feel relived at that. “Ohh alright, good!” You smile.
Vox wants to ask you out on a date. He wants to just take you. He want you. All of you. He just doesn’t know how to approach this. It’s overwhelming for him.
“Vox?” You say, “What’re you doing here?” You ask in question, wondering what sort of business a powerful, popular man like himself was doing here.
“Hm?” He starts. “Oh! Right. I’m just here walking the streets. Browsing.” He answers with an awkward chuckle.
“Ohh, nice.” You ask, looking behind him to see Niffty chasing someone with an arm.
“Oh my- Will you excuse me, Vox? I have to go do something.” You say, stepping away from him.
He sparks and steps in front of you, blocking you.
“W-wait! Hold on. I wanted to ask you something.” He says with a smile.
You look at him with a raised brow.
“Uhh..” He says, shifting his feet and looking away and back at you, seemingly nervous.
“Haha..” He awkwardly scratches his neck and thinks over how exactly he wants to say this.
Just as he was about to talk and ask you to go out with him, Charlie steps in the way.
“Y/n! We were going to head back to the hotel now and do some more fuunn group exercises!” She said smiling.
She looks over to who you’re talking to and tilts her head.
“Hello! Who might you be?” She says smiling at him.
Vox stares at her, annoyed.
“This is Vox. He owns VoxTek and he’s one of the VVV’s.” You cut in.
“Oohhh well it’s SO nice to meet you, Mr. Vox.” She says.
“Yeah, yeah. Nice to meet you too. Me and Y/n were just-“ He mumbles but gets interrupted by Niffty running between his legs and accidentally hitting him with the arm she was waving around.
His eyes go red and electricity goes around him, showing that he’s mad. He’s had enough. This was supposed to be a swift move. He comes in, wipes you off your feet, you fall in love with him, and you’re his. But in his mind, all these fucking bitches keep interrupting his time with you. He’s had it.
He snaps and grabs your arm, pulling you away from everyone. Charlie just looks in question, but walks away when she notices Vaggie calling her over.
You’re shocked and confused. What is going on? You barely know Vox. You feel a spark as he grabs you, and you hiss out in pain.
“Y/n.” He says, looking at you. His eyes are manic wide and he’s smiling at you possessively.
You try to back away but he holds you firmly by his wrist.
“Just listen. Everything is okay. I was trying to ask you if you wanted to go on a date with me.” He explains calmly, despite his not very calming state.
You now feel better that you had an uneasy feeling about him. It was deserved.
“Uhh.. Yeah, I don’t know about that. I’m sorry.” You say hesitantly.
He stops. Letting go of your arm.
“What did you just say?”
He looks at you in shock, anger, and determination.
You back up and say, “No. I don’t want to go on a date with you, Vox. I’m sorry.”
You walk away, meeting Charlie and the rest of the family. You guys walk back to the hotel, leaving Vox there to spiral.
Vox stands there, frozen. Did you just..? Say no..? To him? The love of your life? What has gotten in your head? He’s in disbelief. He shakes his head, laughing.
“No. This isn’t right. Don’t worry, Y/n. I’ll clear your head in no time.” He says with a smile, calming walking back to his headquarters.
———————————————————————
You’re back in you room, ready for bed. Yawning, you open your laptop to check your messages before you go to sleep.
Vox is smiling as he sends hypnotizing message through the screen. Trust him, love him, and feel sorry for how you treated him.
All of a sudden, you see sparks on the laptop again, but this time, you feel something.
Your head spins and your eyes go foggy for a second. All you can think about is how much you messed up by declining Vox’s offer today. How dumb can you be? Why would you do that?
You snap out of the trance and frown. A wave of regret and shame fills you. Vox of VoxTek, one of the most important people in Hell, the guy who gave you a free laptop, the charming man who asked you out on a date, when he could’ve asked anyone else but he asked you.. and you said no?!
You panic and begin to have anxiety. You have to apologize to him. In person.
Getting up, not even changing out of your pyjamas, you leave your room and go to walk over to the VVV tower to say sorry to Vox and see if it’s not too late to accept his offer.
All-while, Vox is sitting back smirking while watching you on his screens. See?! Now you have some sense talked into you. You just needed a little push. His lovely is on his way to see him, as it should’ve been. You just needed some reminding of how you really felt. Vox is excited to see you again. And this time, it won’t get interrupted.
You get to the VVV tower, entering the place. It’s pretty cool there. You look around and go to the reception desk.
There’s a young man there, you have the idea to ask him if you can speak to Vox.
“Hey um.. Am I able to see Vox? I have something to say to him.” You ask.
The man laughs at you and just stares.
“Oh, you’re serious?” He asks. “No can do! We can’t just let random people walk in and talk to him.” He says in a “are-you-dumb” way.
Suddenly, Vox enters from the elevator.
“Y/n! Hello, you.” He says with a charming smile, walking over to you.
“V-Vox! I just um.. I wanted to say something to you. If that’s okay..” You start.
He shushes you and tells you to wait while he brings you up to his room for more privacy.
As you two get to his room, you look around. It suits him. There’s a lot of screens and all the colours that match his usual outfits.
“So, what is it you wanted to tell me?” He says smugly, knowing already.
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry for how I acted when you asked me out. I shouldn’t have said no.. I just.. I don’t know what came over me.” You say apologetically.
“Oh my dear, dear, Y/n. Thank you for your apology.” He says. “Do you have a different answer now?”
You feel a twist in your gut. Half of you is still saying no, but half of you is saying yes. You don’t know which one to lean into. It feels like your brain is confused and that you can’t even trust yourself.
Vox notices you thinking hard, so he helps you. Using his hypnotizing “power,” he puts sense into your brain.
Your head goes dizzy for a second and all comes clear to you. You don’t have to trust yourself. You can just trust him. The answer was staring you in your face all along.
“Y-yes! I do have a different answer. I’d say yes. I want to go out with you.” You say quickly.
Vox smiles.
“Oh course you do.” He whispers.
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sarawritestories · 1 month
Text
Love Story (All To Well Chapter 1 Part 1)
Cassian X OC (Rhys' Sister), Eris VanserraX OC Rhys' Sister (Eventually)
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Summary: Under the Mountain, Estella, have flash backs to her 50 years in captivity, and losing hope she will ever see her lover. That is until a human girl shows up and give her and her brother Rhysand something they lost decades ago...Hope and in a matter of mere months she is reunited with the love of her life. The General of the Night Court Armies.
Content Warnings: MINORS DNI 18+, dub con, whipping, poisoning, murder (I think this covers it if I missed something please let me know). Longing for loved ones, while in captivity.
A/N: This was going to be extremely long if I didn't break this up in two parts and I really wanted to get something out to you since I had been teasing this so much!
Word Count: 4.1K
All Too Well Masterlist ACOTAR MasterList
Romeo Save Me
“Hello Beautiful,” Amarantha cooed, circling around Rhysand's baby sister, Estella. The raven haired female held her chin high. “Rhysand, you didn't tell me you had a sister.” Estella's eyes glanced over to her brother. If he was panicked he didn't show it.  Amarantha tsked, “Naughty boy, no matter she'll make a fine addition to the court.” Amarantha purred as her eyes grazed the black gown the Princess of the Night Court wore. The silver chains connected the two pieces of fabric at her hips revealing her toned, tanned legs, the neckline dipping to expose her stomach. A tiara of black and purple gems placed upon her head. An outfit she wore in the Court of Nightmares.
Did you know about this? Estella questioned her brother in the part of his mind he kept open for her.
If I did do you think I would have brought you here. Cassian begged me not to. I should have listened.
Amarantha snapped her fingers and the young princess felt hands grip her arms tightly, as fear flooded her system as the dreaded footfalls of the attor came into her line of sight.
Rhys…
I'm here, Little Star.
Estella glanced at the Attor's talon like hand. Faebane. Estella pressed her lips in a tight line, Rhys I'm scared.
She glanced over at his face and found no emotion there, the tick of his jaw the only indication that he was worried. Stay calm. I'm here, Stella. Just breathe.
Before Estella could take in a breath the Attor pinched her nose and instantly she began to struggle in the guards arms. The Attor's smile was sinister and would be the center of the young heir’s nightmare's to come. “Come now, Princess, open for me.
Estella, refused to open her mouth, her piercing blue eyes met the Attor's in pure defiance. Breaking eye contact she looked back to her brother to find Amarantha had wrapped her arms around Rhys pressing his back to her front as if it were a lover's embrace. “Come dear, don't be stubborn, or I may have to punish my new treat here.” She dragged a manicured finger down her brother's exposed chest and Estella maintained eye contact with the self proclaimed High Queen, as she nibbled his ear. To Rhysand's credit he didn't react to her advances he just stared at his Little Star.
Estella's lungs began to burn and her vision began to blacken around the edges and she opened her mouth to take her breath. Wasting no time the Attor poured the liquid down her throat, still pinching her nose as she had no choice but to swallow.
“Wonderful, guards take her away.” Estella watched as she planted a kiss on his cheek another tick in his jaw as they began to haul her away. “Don't worry Rhysand, We'll make sure she is comfortable and well taken care of.”
Before she let the panic settle in her bones she reached out to Rhysand once more; Rhys we need to put up the wards. Keep Velaris safe. Keep him safe. We have to do it before the faebane takes effect.
On my count Rhys voice echoed through there she could feel the beginning of the Faebane taking effect.
1…2…3…
Estella threw out her power to siphon the wards, draining to the dregs and she could hear the pounding of her shields. A familiar presence in the back of her mind.
Cassian she spoke in his mind.
Stella sweetheart, what's going on? His voice sounded distant in her mind as the poison was taking hold and she was being hoisted away.
It'll be okay. I'll be okay. Watch over Velaris for me won't you, General?”  The young heir could feel her power suppressing itself. As if her power was trying to combat the drug coursing through her veins.
No I'm coming to get you his voice roared through Estella's mind though it sounded as though he was talking to her underwater. She fought back tears that were stinging in her eyes.
I love you, Cassie. Then she felt the connection being severed and she allowed herself a few tears escape her eyes as she was ripped away from her home, her family, her lover.
We Were Both Young When I First Saw You
“I don’t want to train.” Estella whined dragging her feet as Rhys held a firm grip on her hand as they approached the camp.
Frustration bubbling over Rhys turned around and gently cupped her cheeks. “My Little Star, I love you, I promised Father, Mother, and Astrea that I would protect you.” Estella fought her flinch at the mentioned, of their dead family members. Rhys tenderly brushed a strand of hair that fell loos from her plait and tucked it behind her pointed ear. “I almost lost you once. I won't let it happen again. Could you please try training with my friends? If you don't like it, then I'll leave it alone. I just need you to try.”
Estella quirked a brow as she stared into his pleading violet eyes. With a roll of her eyes and dramatic sigh she replied, “Promise?”
Rhys smiled and kissed her forehead, “Promise.”
With a slight tilt of her head, Rhys led her to the two Illyrian warriors that were standing at the center of the fighting ring. The young heir had yet to meet her brother's friends but had heard stories about his “brothers.” The two were giants compared to her, both warriors wore seven siphons a piece. The shorthaired one with blue siphons, Estella had seen in passing in Velaris before her brother became High Lord, his shadows were hard to ignore. She had never uttered a word to the Shadowsinger but heard his name whispered by the maids in their home: Azriel.
The warrior with the red siphons had his hair up in a bun, his wings rustled as the wind kissed them. His hazel eyes met her pale blue eyes and gave her a toothy grin that caused her heart to quicken. “Finally nice to formally meet the Princess of Velaris.” His deep voice seeped into her bones and warmth pooled in her belly.
Estella then scrunched her nose, “Don't call me that.”
The long-haired Illyrian smirked stalking forward, causing Estella to crane her neck to hold his pointed gaze. “What would you have me call you, Sweetheart.” Heat warmed her cheeks at the pet name.
“I'll call you a dead male, if you keep staring at my sister like that, you prick.” Azriel snorted at Rhys' response. “Stella, the shameless flirt in front of you is Cassian. The stoic one fighting his laughter is Azriel. I'm sure you've seen him around. Gentlemen, this is Stella.”
Cassian's leather clad hand picked up Estella’s and brought her knuckles to his lips, “A pleasure, Sweetheart, if you're ever tired of big brother Rhysie, come find me and we can play.” Rhys growled, as Cassian gave the young female a wink. She gave him a smile in return, then averted her gaze to focus on anything else.
Maybe training wouldn't be so bad after all.
I Got Tired of Waiting
A hand grazed Estella's waist. Sipping from her goblet staring at the High Queen, wearing the Night Court tiara that she ripped from the Princess' head when they first arrived 49 years ago. A male from the summer court pulled her close and whispered in her ear, “Warm my bed tonight, Angelfish.” His breath was sour, and Estella took a sharp breath as his hand gripped her barely covered ass.
She turned into his touch, breaking her gaze from the queen who was kissing her brother's neck. Placing her hand on the male's bare tanned chest, “It would be my honor.” She gave her best seductive grin as he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. Bile rose in her throat, a feeling she had grown accustomed to since being there.
The male gripped her ass tighter, “I will retrieve you from your cell when I'm ready for you.” He whispered on her lips as if he was her lover. Another wave of nausea burned her esophagus as he pressed his lips to hers once more. A warm memory of kind Hazel eyes, calloused hands with red siphons atop them, and soft plush lips caressing hers bubbled to the surface. Estella forced the memory back down as the male swatted her bare flesh and walked away.
“Stella dear,” Amarantha's drawl felt like a snake slithering up Estella's spine. The young female met the Queen's gaze, her brother by her side his face a mask of cool indifference. “Come here.” Gritting her teeth the heir of the Night Court approached the dais her chin jutted out, the tiara on her head gleaming with the colors of her court. Trying to keep a semblance of dignity, though Amarantha's insistence that the top that only covered her breast and the gossamer skirt that barely covered her ass made her feel less than.
With the snap of the queen's fingers a male approached with a female their hands linked. Estella bowed, aware that her skirt was revealing more than she wished to the fae behind her. “Yes, your majesty.”
“Rise, dear, I have a gift for you.” Estella rose and the couple with their hands linked together smiled in her direction.
Breathe, Little Star Rhys' voice filler her head, Inhale she breathed in, Exhale she released the breath.
“This couple,” Amarantha's voice bellowed out, “Wishes for someone to join them in their bed this evening. You will go and they will do as they please with you.”
Shock flooded her system, so that was what her role was to be concubine…Cassian's face came to the surface and guilt laced her whole body. He will understand, Stella. We are not in a position to fight this.
Bullshit. The princess shook her head, “I will not, your majesty.” She held her head high. I cannot betray him like this, I will not. I'm sorry, Rhys.
Estella! Rhys scolded
Amarantha sneered, “I don't recall it being a request.”
Estella straightened her spine, “I don't care,” she retorted defiantly. “I will not lay down in someone's bed for their amusement.”
Amarantha rose from her throne her dark crimson skirts draping to the floor similar to blood dripping down a body. The Queen approached and Estella refused to cower. Amarantha approached her mouth upturned into a saccharine grin that appeared the most sinister. “Are you defying my direct orders, Princess?”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“Very Well, Rhysand, bring me the Ash whip.” Color drained from Estella’s face. Her brother approached whip in hand and his mouth formed into a tight line. “Thank you, now you will give her 10 lashes for her disobedience.” The siblings heads whipped to the evil witch next to them. “Is that going to be a problem, Rhysand. I figured she would learn her lesson best if it was given to her by someone she cares for. Wouldn't you agree?”
Estella then met Rhysand's eyes, “I do, Your Majesty.” Turn around and close your eyes, Little Star. She did as Rhys told her and the crack of the whip wrung out in the entire hall. With each sting of whip against her skin, and whimper that slipped from her mouth, Rhys’ voice rang in her mind.
I'm Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm so fucking sorry.
By the end Amarantha had ripped the crown from atop of her head, and the couple had carried her to their room and in spite of her bleeding back, had taken her, over and over again, until she passed out from the pain, where hazel eyes and dark long hair greeted her.
Romeo Take Me Somewhere We Can Be Alone
Estella sat up as the male swiped lazy circles around her stomach, “Would you like some tea?” She asked placing her hand on top of his stalling the movements.
The male hummed his eyes glazed from his orgasm. “That would be wonderful, Angelfish.” He gave a lazy smile that the young female returned and rose to gather her clothes and began preparing him a cup of tea. “Amarantha is generous to share you.” He praddled on as Estella placed the kettle over the flame, grabbing her tea mixture she made a few weeks prior. “I know she has her own whore that warms her bed.” Estella clenched her teeth as he kept talking, “Only to give the court his sister. Truly a gift.”
Estella closed her eyes as she schooled her voice in a calm manor, “I am happy to serve  my queen and my court in whatever way is needed.” The words fell to ash on her tongue and tears burned her eyes as the kettle sung to life.  Grabbing the kettle she brought it over to the cup with the tea mixture in it. Pouring the hot water and letting the tea steep for 2 minutes, Estella brought the tea to the male, “Here you go, Darling,” She purred. She slipped into his mind easily his mental shield down, Drink all of it for me. The male did as he was told and she cooed in his ear, “Good boy.” She ran her fingers through his light brown curls as his eyes began to droop.
A half hour went by, and Estella leaned over the male’s face, and found that his breathing had ceased and she could no longer hear his heartbeat. She patted his cheek, “This has been fun, Angelfish.” She got dressed and snuck out of his room and ran right into a finely dressed chest. She looked up and inwardly groaned, “Eris.” Estella tried to step around the Heir of the Autumn court when he stepped in front of her.
He smirked his russet eyes that glimmered with mischief, “Hello, Estella. Tell me how my Little Viper is, today?”
She glared at him, “I thought I told you not to call me that, Princeling.”
Eris grinned, “Well I can’t help myself. Tell me who was your victim today.”
Estella sighed, “No one of importance.”
Eris eyes darkened his fist clenched for a moment, “I highly doubt that.”  
The princess of Night lowered her head slightly, “If I’m not back in my cell, I could be subject to a lashing so if you don’t mind, your highness.”
Eris slid out of her way, “Have a good night, My little Viper.” Estella shivered but moved past the red-haired Prince, without another word. winding the halls to her cell. Not noticing the Autumn prince sneaking into the room she came out of.
She arrived in her cell, and she found Rhysand standing in the middle of it. “Hey, you.” she said as she stepped onto the threshold of her prison.
“Hey, Little Star. How are you faring?” Rhys looked her up and down, assessing for injuries.
“Fine as always brother,” She got jittery and despite needing to put on appearances she hugged him. He wrapped her arms around her tightly. “I’m exhausted Rhys.” She whispered into his chest.
He pressed his hand to the back of her head and rocked her, “I know. I’m so sorry. Not a day goes by where I don’t regret trying to get you home. Or never bringing you to the Hewn City that day.” He whispered into her hair.
I miss them, Rhys. I miss him.
I know you do. I miss them too. “Tomorrow is Calanmai. Amarantha has granted me to leave.” Estella pulled away from her brother to stare at him and he read her face and shook his head speaking into her own, I can’t risk you being hurt because I attempted to escape. I won’t do it. It’s bad enough I have had to hurt you.
I don’t blame you; you know. She whispered in her mind.
I do…She makes me fuck her with your crown on...
Estella stilled at the brashness of his words, “Rhys...”
He hushed her as he kept her in his arms, “It’s okay.”
Will you stay with me tonight?
I’m not sure that’s a good idea.
Rhysie, please. Estella smiled slightly as he sighed.
I can’t deny you anything. Brat.
Rhys led her to the pile of hay in the corner of the cell and laid her down. The princess pressed her cheek against his heartbeat and Rhys began to rub her back. The two siblings sat in silence for a few moments. “Can you play the music for me, Rhys?”
Rhys smiled and kissed her forehead, “Sure thing. Close your eyes.”
Estella closed her eyes, “I love you.”  Music began to play inside her mind, the musicians at the rainbow began to build their symphony and tears welled in her eyes.
Rhys’ voice was strained as he responded, “I love you too. Sleep. I will be here in the morning.”
Estella was beginning to be pulled into slumber when she mumbled, “No one likes a liar, Rhys.” And she fell unconscious to the sounds of her brother chuckling.
Beggin You Please Don’t Go
“You are not leaving this bed!” Cassian pulled her waist dragging her back closer to him the warmth of his bare tattooed chest seeping into her bones. “I don’t need to leave for Windhaven until tomorrow. It’s cruel that Rhys would prevent you from spending the rest of today with me.” He kissed her cheek hips moving down the slope of her neck. “I want to be with my girl.”
Estella giggled as he nibbled her neck, his hands clinging to her waist tightly as if the General of the Night Court Armies were afraid, she would slip from his fingers. “Cass, I need to make an appearance in Hewn City. Apparently, Rhys has been getting shit for it from Keir.”
Cassian turned her to face him. He caressed her cheek gently, “I could care less about Keir. I hate it when you’re there when I can’t be.”
“Because you’re an overprotective bat?” Estella quirked a brow and smirked that the general pushing a strand of hair behind his ear.
He chuckled and kissed her nose, “No, you brat. I just don’t want to be separated from you. Especially when you’re in a place with cruel males that look at you like you’re their next meal.”
She looked laughed, “So an overprotective bat.”
Cassian’s grin was laced with mischief, “Overprotective bat?” He began to tickle the young raven-haired female. Her laughs filled their shared space, “I’ll show you an overprotective bat.” He pinned her back to the mattress and continued her assault on her waist, his fingers tickling her to the point of tears sliding down her eyes. He began pepper kisses over her face picking up her tears.
“Cassian, I yield.” Estella panted and she tapped her hand on his forearm. He stopped and leaned down pressing his forehead to hers. “I yield.” She whispered.
“I can’t help being protective you know.” He whispered in return. There was a long-delayed pause, his eyes growing distant.
Estella growled, “Had I known you wanted Rhys’ attention so bad I would have shifted into him.” Cassian shook his head and flicked her nose and she smiled, “What did he say?”
Cassian sighed as he pressed his lips to hers, “That I can beat the shit out of him when you both come home.”
Estella’s brow furrowed, “I never wanted you two to be at odds, Cass.”
Cassian smiled and interlaced his large hand over hers, “Sweetheart, we have been friends for centuries, he’s stuck with me.” He kissed her nose once more, “Just like you are.” He grinned and she found herself smiling too. “I love that smile of yours.”
She tilted her head, “What else do you love about me?”
Cassian kissed her forehead, “I love your eyes,” He kissed her cheek and Estella closed her eyes. “Your lips.” He pressed his lips to hers. “Your kindness,” He pecked her jaw line, “Your compassion.” His lips moved to her neck, “Your bravery,” moved to the collarbone. “You, Sweetheart. I love you.”
The princess opened her eyes, “I love you too, Cassian.”
And I love you two, as well, but Cassian please get off my sister we must leave soon. Rhys’s voice filled our minds and the two of us laughed as Cassian placed another kiss to her lips.
“I’ll be home before you’re able to miss me, General.” Estella whispered.
Cassian sighed and placed his head in the crook of her neck. “I always miss you, Stella.”
You Were Everything to Me
The human girl was hanging against the wall, her fear flooding her scent. This was the human girl that Rhys had found in Tamlin’s court. Estella had a hard time breathing. As the Attor unleashed another attack on the girl. Rhysand was standing by Amarantha, his face emotionless, and Estella wanted to scream to lash out, to save this girl from the torment. She wrapped her arms around herself, as the screams of the human girl rang out.
Estella released a whimper when a smooth warm hand gripped the female’s hip. The scent of Autumn leaves and cinnamon overtook her senses. His thumb rubbed a circle around her bare hip. “Come to my chambers tonight, Little Viper.” Eris breath grazed her pointed ear.
Estella gritted her teeth, fighting away the tears as the sound of the broken screams rang in her ears while the Attor continued his torment, “Why? Why do you insist on tormenting me, Eris? Mor wasn’t enough for you?”
Eris’ hand stilled, his nose grazed her skin, and her heart raced. “What do you know about that day, really, My Little Viper?” He held her close to him, “I expect you in my chambers when this is done, Estella. I mean, immediately after, no getting those cute little concoctions from your cell first. Or I may let our High Queen know about what you like to do to the males who request your services.” He gripped her hip tighter than her and smirked as a spark of arousal flooded her.  The feeling singed away when he removed his hand, and Estella reluctantly missed the comfort of his touch, as the human girl gave out a gurgled scream, causing the young female’s blood to run cold.
Hours of torment and Estella knew that those screams would haunt her forever. Her bare feet padded through the halls as an Autumn court sentinel led her to the Heir of Autumn’s chambers. When they reached the door Estella bowed her head, “Thank you.” She whispered and knocked on the door.
“Enter,” Eris’s voice muffled. The raven-haired beauty stepped inside, the red gown with a blunging neckline swished at her feet. “Hello, Viper.”
“Prick.” She retorted; her sharp blue eyes met his copper liked ones. “Let’s get this over with.” She began to pull the straps of her gown down when Eris raised his hand.
“I have no interest in sleeping with you Viper.” Eris rose from his chair; his orange vest lay over top his white tunic hugging his frame. His tanned pants tucked into his brown boots that looked as though they were recently shined. His red hair pulled halfway, and Estella couldn’t deny that he was the most beautiful man she had ever encountered, but he was a wild card and lethal and made Estella’s heartbeat erratically when he closed the distance between them. “I would like to keep my life intact thank you.”
Estella swallowed and her voice low, “Then what do you want with me, Princeling?”
Eris didn’t answer, instead his hands gripped hers and he pulled her into an embrace. The female blinked as Eris gripped her tightly. The kind gesture so foreign to her from anyone other than her brother in 50 years and the emotions erupted in her. She gripped the back of his vest and buried her face in his chest and erupted into sobs. Estella had no idea why he was doing this, or how he knew she needed this, but for this moment she allowed herself the comfort of letting out a half a century worth of feelings into his chest. As Eris rested his head atop hers, hand stroking her dark hair. His other hand rubbing her back almost soothingly.
After a few moments Eris picked her upholding her knees and her back and walked her over to the bed and he leaned against the headboard as the Princess of the Night Court sobbed into the chest of the Prince of the Autumn Court. The latter whispered soothing words in her ear and warmed his hands as an extra comfort for the Princess until exhaustion took over and the viper fell asleep in the arms of the fox.
Part 2
Story Tags: @milswrites @eve175 @melsunshine @believinghurts @awkardnerd @historygeekqueen @mischiefmanagers @mybestfriendmademe @cauldronboilmetakemetovelaris @glitterypirateduck @littlestw01f @mal-adaptive-dreams @lilah-asteria @hellodarling1357
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janaispunk · 7 months
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still bejeweled
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pairing: joel miller x f!reader
word count: ~4.4k
summary: after breaking up with your boyfriend, your self-esteem is crushed. your best friend takes you to your favorite bar to take your mind off of things. there's a band is playing there tonight and the singer immediately catches your eye. inspired by taylor swift's bejeweled – and when i meet the band, they ask, 'do you have a man?', i could still say, 'i don't remember'
tags/warnings: explicit smut, only 18+, no/pre-outbreak au, no sarah, musician!joel, small age gap (reader is in her late 20s, joel's in his mid 30s), alcohol consumption, joel pulls her hair, able-bodied reader, a bit of angst, fluff, making out, fingering, dirty talk (joel talks you through it, i just know it), praise kink, unprotected p in v (i just didn't feel like mentioning it, this is my fantasy world where pregnancies & sti's don't exist, but they very much exist in the real world, don't do this), joel has a big dick (it's canon), consent king joel, rough sex, ass-slapping, hair-pulling, please let me know if i missed anything!
a/n: this came to me while making breakfast and listening to taylor, and didn't want to leave my head again. pretty self indulgent, i'm fairly certain that a musician!joel in my life would fix me. also, to boyfriends everywhere: fuck you <3
• dividers by the lovely @saradika!
• find my full masterlist here!
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You storm out of the apartment, fighting back the tears that are threatening to spill over. This is it for good, you tell yourself. It's not the first fight of the sort that you and your boyfriend Max – now ex-boyfriend, you guess – have gotten into, with you usually backing down eventually, to keep the peace between the two of you. You've been together for more than three years, and you had hoped that this might be the one – the guy that you can settle down with, the one that you've been waiting for.
But over the past few months, Max has gotten more distant, less involved in the relationship, less interested in you, making you feel like you're burdening him, like you're always asking for too much. Like you are too much. You had asked several times if something was bothering him, something that you could work through together. Everything's fine babe, I don't know why you're even asking. Stop getting on my nerves with this.
You scoff to yourself. Usually, this was the point where you would step back from the argument, not willing to invest energy in a fight that wouldn't lead to anything anyway. Maybe things weren't perfect with Max, but they were what you knew. Familiar, comfortable. Better than being alone. Maybe not the big love that books and movies told you about, but who knows if that sort of thing even exists.
But today, when he just wouldn't give a shit about anything you said, something inside of you had snapped. “I feel like you don't even love me anymore. Do you?!” you had demanded, and the look on his face had told you everything that you needed to know.
That's how you find yourself on the street in front of your best friend's place, the short walk having somewhat cleared your head. Who does Max even think he is? It's not too much to ask to care about your partner, to show interest in them, to support them, is it? And he hasn't done any of that in quite some time.
All things considered, he just wasn't that great of a boyfriend. Still, you can't help feeling sad about it. Another relationship failed, another guy that just didn't deem you as good enough to pay attention to you. Maybe you're just not that interesting, a voice in your head whispers. You sniffle and shake your head, willing the thought out of your mind.
Your best friend Amanda greets you at her door, immediately clocking your slumped shoulders and reddened eyes, and hugs you tightly while leading you into her living room. Her concern for you elicits another wave of tears and you shakily recap today's events to her. She listens patiently, thankfully not telling you that you're better off without him or something like that, because even though you know that yourself, you don't think you could bear someone else saying it.
“I just can't believe that I'm single again and need to start over once more and I just-,” you bite your lip, willing away the tears that are pooling in your eyes, “I just feel like I'm not enough, like I can't keep a guy or I'm too picky, I don't know. It's just so frustrating, I don't wanna end up alone.”
Amanda's expression softens and she pulls you into her arms again. “You're not gonna end up alone, I promise you. You're funny and smart and,” she looks you up and down, “fucking hot. But you can't settle for less just because you're scared of ending up alone, okay? You're gonna find the guy that's right for you and then it will all make sense. Promise.”
You sigh, not sure if you believe her but also not in the mood to argue. After more talking, during which she eventually slips a glass of wine into your hand, Amanda decides that the two of you should go out tonight. Blow off some steam, show the world and yourself that you've still got it, as she puts it. You're honestly not sure if you've ever had it to begin with, but you let her enthusiasm wash over you, playing along as she insists that you wear one of her skimpiest dresses and starts doing your make up. You feel a little self-conscious with the tiny black dress that she has put you in and the dramatic red lipstick that she's currently applying to your lips.
“Don't look at me like that. You look so good and you'd know that if that fucker hadn't made you feel like you didn't for the past few months. But you've been too good of a girl for far too long now, and we're gonna change that tonight. Deal?” She expectantly holds her hand out for you to shake and you feel the excitement starting to bubble up in you. Maybe she's right and you do need to let go of your insecurities tonight. You shake her hand and she laughs delightedly, causing you to giggle as well.
Amanda finally declares that you're good to go, digging a sparkly handbag that's covered in tiny silvery jewels out of her closet. That one's actually yours, but you had left it at her place a few weeks ago after Max had told you how it was just too much and how you looked ridiculous with it. You had let it slide, thinking that it wasn't worth it to ruin the evening by fighting over a stupid handbag. What was wrong with you, you think to yourself now.
You look at yourself in her full-length mirror and you have to agree, you do look good. The short dress leaves most of your thighs bare, hugging your curves in all the right ways and the lipstick looks amazing, drawing the focus to the shape of your mouth. You do polish up real nice.
Amanda's boyfriend Patricks whistles appreciatively when you both exit from the bedroom and wishes you loads of fun. That's what a boyfriend should be like, you think to yourself. Supportive, loving, and just... kind?
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Amanda drags you to one of your favorite bars. You've been here countless times together; usually it's a good crowd and the drinks are cheap. It's live music night, you realize as you walk in and notice the small stage at the far end of the room, which also explains why it's more crowded than usual. You push through a few people and manage to find two seats at the bar, from where you can watch the stage and hear the music, but it isn't too loud to talk.
The bartender comes up to you and Amanda orders tequila shots before you can even open your mouth. “I would've stuck to wine,” you complain to her and she shrugs, a big grin on her our face.
“That wouldn't be half as fun. We're going all out tonight, remember?”
You roll your eyes and nod, but when you down the first shot and bite down on the lime, you can't help the laugh that bubbles up in your throat. “That's my girl!” Amanda giggles and promptly orders another round. After two more shots and feeling the tingling warmth that's spreading through your body, you let your eyes wander around the room until they find the stage.
It's mostly local bands that play here, some better than others, and tonight's isn't half bad. It's four guys, a little older than you, mid-thirties if you had to guess, and their music has an acoustic, country-ish vibe to it. Your eyes linger on the man in the front, who is softly singing into the microphone while strumming along on his guitar.
He's kinda hot, you muse to yourself, gaze trained on the way his muscles are softly flexing while he's plucking on the guitar strings with his large hands, the sleeves of his dark t-shirt straining against his arms. His deep voice is washing over you, reminding you of whiskey and honey, and you squint a little to take a closer look at his face. He has a strong jaw and pouty lips, and dark, expressive eyes that gaze into the room while he's singing. You can't explain it, but something about him just feels... warm. Like he's safe. Kind.
He has a scruffy beard and messy curls, giving him a sort of rugged look, that, combined with his incredibly broad shoulders, has you biting your lip subconsciously. How easily he could cage you in, how big and warm his hands would feel on your body...
Damn, he's really hot. And you really feel the tequila talking right now.
Amanda's fingers appear in your field of vision, snapping impatiently and you turn back to her, heat crawling up your cheeks. You might have been staring a bit too obviously. “Which one?” she grins.
“Huh?” you ask, rather poorly feigning innocence.
“Oh, come on! Okay, I'll guess,” she continues on, not giving you a chance to even try to deny anything, “it's the singer, right?”
“I-,” you start, but the look on her face tells you that it's already a lost cause, “yeah.”
She laughs delightedly and gestures to the bartender for another round of shots. “Oh, I don't think-,” you try to object, but she shushes you.
“I won't rest until you've made a move on that guy, good choice dare I say, and live a little. So drink up!” She toasts to you and you can't help laughing yourself before you tip your head back and swallow the burning alcohol in one go.
You steal another glance towards the stage – maybe a rather extended glance in all honesty – and catch the singer's eye. He holds your gaze for a few seconds, then he lets his eyes wander around the room, before returning to you, his lips curling into a knowing smirk when you're still looking at him.
You hastily tear yourself away, leaning into Amanda in an attempt of hiding how flustered you're suddenly feeling. “That was fucking hot,” she breathes into your ear.
“I know,” you whisper back urgently. Then the insecurity kicks back in. “Do you think he really meant me? I mean, we're all the way in the back here, I bet he can barely see-”
Amanda swats at your arm, shaking her head. “Please, he totally meant you. You're gonna talk to him later, you hear me?”
You groan, “Oh my god,” and lean into her further. “I'm not cut out for all this, I wouldn't even know what to say.” She tsks at you and orders another round of drinks, not taking No for an answer.
You loosen up a little over time, throwing a few more glances towards the stage and delight in the way he always seems to just wait for you to look at him. When you've made eye contact several times, he winks at you and you can't help but giggle, a kind of warmth spreading through you that has nothing to do with the alcohol. A wide grin stretches across his face as he announces the last song for the night. You give up all pretenses, your eyes basically glued to him until he strums his guitar one last time, then thanks the audience and joins his bandmates as they wander off the stage.
The bands usually pack up, then join the bar's patrons for a few beers. You try not to appear totally desperate and refrain from staring at the door that leads backstage, instead busying yourself with your drink and listening to Amanda, when you feel someone sliding to the bar counter behind you and a hand lands to rest on your shoulder. A very big, very warm hand, you come to notice, before a deep, honeyed voice floats into your ear, causing you to turn around.
“Hi. Can I buy you a drink?”
He seems even bigger up close, and even more handsome, and your lips part slightly, taking him in. You take a beat too long to answer, just sinking into his deep brown eyes, and a grin slowly spreads across his face. “I'm Joel, by the way.” He extends a hand for you to shake and you blink, shaking yourself out of your staring, quickly taking his hand and offering your own name.
His hand dwarfs yours, enveloping it in his warmth and you feel yourself blush. This is the moment, you tell yourself. “I'd love a drink,” you smile at him and he flags down the bartender to take your order. You steal a glance at Amanda, who's nodding enthusiastically.
“So...” Joel drawls when you have your drink, still standing so close to you that you're almost touching, with a smirk playing around the corner of his mouth, “do you have a man, or-?”
Your thoughts briefly flicker to Max, but you find that you can barely remember how devastated you felt mere hours ago, that you can hardly recall his face right now. “No... no, I don't.”
“She most certainly does not, she's all yours,” Amanda chimes in, leaning around you and beaming at Joel.
You can't help but giggle at the entire situation, pleasantly buzzing with both the alcohol in your system and the feeling of having Joel in your direct proximity, and finding him more attractive with every minute that you look at him.
“I really liked your performance,” you tell him and his grin widens.
“Yeah? I could tell, sweetheart.” You laugh; the pet name has your heart soaring in your chest, but you feel completely relaxed with him, not awkward, not desperate to please him or keep his interest. You just feel... good. Really, really good.
Talking to him is easy. He makes you laugh, makes you feel comfortable, and your cheeks almost hurt from smiling so much, but you can't stop. He's constantly touching you, his hand lingering on your shoulder, your arm, sliding down to your waist, and leaving goosebumps in its wake.
When he pulls at your hips to pull you off your bar stool, you quickly follow his lead, letting him sway you around to the music that's now playing from the juke box, giggling the entire time. You feel like a teenager, but you couldn't care less. You're tipsy, you're happy, the easily most attractive man that you've ever met seems to be more than interested in you – you feel amazing.
Joel's hand comes up to cup your face, his calloused fingertips brushing over your cheek and you lean into his touch. His eyes flick down to your lips and your breath stutters in your chest. Your arms wrap around his neck at the same time that he leans in until his mouth meets yours, your lips eagerly opening against his.
A pleased hum is rumbling up in his chest and both of his hands grab at your hips, pulling your body flush against him as his tongue licks into your mouth. Your hands burrow into the messy curls at his neck and you all but whimper against his lips. You feel his mouth curl into a smile before he pulls away, the look in his eyes a little dazed, mirroring your own.
“You you wanna come home with me?” he asks quietly, “I live right around the corner.”
There's no need to even think about it, you want this man desperately. You quickly check on Amanda, who waves you off with a shit-eating grin and some rather crude words of encouragement.
You swing your glittery purse over your shoulder and Joel whistles lowly. “That's fancy. I like it.”
Your eyes widen slightly. “You do?”
“Yeah. Suits you.” A wide smile is spreading across your face and, without a second thought, you grab his hand to pull him out of the bar.
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He really lives close nearby and you're stumbling through a dark hallway barely five minutes later. Joel has his hands on your hips and his lips on your mouth, kissing you roughly as he leads you into what you presume is the direction of his bedroom. He kicks the bedroom door shut behind you and crowds you up against the wood, his hands grabbing at your sides, pulling at the dress, revealing more skin to his touch.
The room is dimly lit, yellow light from the street below filtering in through the windows, and his eyes roam over you. “Fuck, you're so hot,” he growls and captures your mouth in another searing kiss, his hand coming up to palm at your breasts, roughly squeezing the flesh and running his thumb over your nipple through the fabric. You mewl into his mouth and he pulls back breathlessly. “You're an eager little thing, aren't you?” he murmurs and you arch your back, trying to press yourself back into his touch.
“Please, Joel,” you whimper and he chuckles before diving back in, his tongue hot in your mouth and his fingers creeping under your dress, toying with the hem of your underwear.
He pulls it aside, his fingers grazing your already soaked folds and you buck your hips into his touch. He slides your dress up higher until his hand comes to rest on your bare hip and he searches your face.
“You're feeling good? You want this?”
You nod eagerly and he tuts softly. “Gotta let me hear it, sweetheart.”
You bite your lip, his respectfulness paired with the dark look in his eyes spurring your arousal on even further. “I want it, please.”
“Good girl, so polite too,” he murmurs and your legs almost buckle underneath you. His hand travels back between your legs, grabbing at your underwear and quickly pulling it off of you, before his fingers are back, sliding through your wetness and circling your clit slowly.
“Fuck, you're dripping. So good for me, all eager and ready, huh?”
The whine that comes out of you sounds faintly like a “yes” and he presses another kiss to your lips, before he thrusts two fingers into you, stretching you deliciously.
“Fucking tight,” he murmurs against your mouth, his voice sounding wrecked already. He sets a languid pace, pausing every so often to curl his fingers deep within you, hitting that spongy spot that has your legs shaking and your hands grabbing at his shoulders as high-pitched whines fall out of your mouth.
You can see the pleased smirk on his face as you're falling apart on just his fingers. His other hand travels up to the straps of your dress, pulling them down and revealing your breasts to him.
His lips suck on the newly exposed flesh and you hear him mutter, “so fucking pretty” against your skin. His mouth travels to your nipple, flicking his tongue over the hardened bud, while his fingers keep thrusting and curling inside of you.
Heat is boiling in your abdomen, licking at your spine and you can almost taste your orgasm already. “Joel, I'm gonna- please don't stop, please,” you manage to breathe out.
“You're gonna come on my fingers, pretty girl?” he asks, before sucking your nipple back into his mouth. “Go ahead, let me feel it.” His thumb starts to toy with your clit in quick, precise circles, and you gasp. The heat spreads through your entire body as your orgasm takes hold of you, your toes curling and your legs shaking while you pulse wildly around his fingers.
“Good girl, you look so pretty when you come,” Joel whispers, trailing kisses from your breasts up to your neck as you slowly come down from your high.
Joel maneuvers you to his bed, supporting your weight and gently setting you down until you're sprawled out on the covers. You can still feel the aftershocks from your orgasm, but your want for him is coursing through you like a wildfire and you eagerly stretch your arms out for him.
He chuckles, mumbling something about you being insatiable and quickly pulls his shirt over his head, revealing golden skin and a body that's obviously strong and muscular, but he still has a softness to him.
You sit back up and scoot closer, your hands flying to his beltbuckle as you press kisses against his belly, reveling in the way his breath hitches and his muscles are twitching under your mouth.
You tilt your head up, silently asking for permission as you tug on his pants and he nods, smiling down at you. You pull his pants and underwear down in one go, desperate to see all of him, and you can't help the soft gasp that escapes your mouth at the sight before you.
He's fucking big, and you should probably worry about fitting all of him inside of you, but instead the fire in your abdomen is flaring up again and you subconsciously press your thighs together.
Joel leans down to you, pulling your already bunched up dress over your head and leaving you just as bare as he is.
“Like what you see, sweetheart?” he smirks.
“I- yeah,” you nod, shyly smiling up at him and he pecks your lips.
“Me too.”
He crowds you in, his broad body looming over yours as you lay back down on the bed and his fingers find their way in between your legs again. He grazes your clit, then swirls a finger through your wetness, spreading it on your inner thighs, and your hips buck up into his touch, causing him to chuckle.
“Impatient little thing.”
You can barely form a coherent thought, you're desperate to feel his cock inside of you and you eagerly part your legs when he situates his body between them. He grabs at your thigh, spreading you open even wider, before landing a playful slap against the backside. An almost embarrassingly loud moan escapes you and Joel's smirk turns downright feral.
“You liked that, sweetheart? You like it when I'm a little rough with you?”
He's grinding his hips against you, sliding his cock through your wetness, the tip almost catching at your entrance. You're past the point of caring, nodding mindlessly, you just want him inside of you.
“Fuck, yes, please Joel, please.”
“Should've known,” he mumbles, “it's always the quiet ones. Actin' all shy, but you need it bad, don't you? Gonna fuck you so good, take such good care of you, don't you worry.”
You whimper, your breath catching in your throat when he lines his cock up with your center, his tip already parting your walls, but he stops himself again. “Tell me once more, sweetheart. You still good, still want this?”
“Yes Joel, fuck, I want it,” you whine. The words have barely left your mouth when he slams into you, filling you to the brim. You cry out at the sudden intrusion, your walls fluttering around his length, trying to accommodate him as he's splitting you open. The stretch is intense, bordering on painful, but you still feel yourself getting wetter around him, pain turning into pleasure as he stills inside of you for a few moments to let you adjust.
“Goddamn it, you're tight, you're taking me so good, such a good fuckin' girl.”
His mouth is close to your ear, muttering filth to you with his hot breath fanning against the sensitive skin on your neck. Another loud moan falls from your mouth at his words and you clench around his cock that's still buried deep inside of you, causing him to groan.
“Yeah you like that, wanna be a good girl for me, don't you?”
You nod breathlessly and he pulls out almost entirely before slamming back into you, setting a brutal rhythm that's forcing moans from your throat and has you wildly clenching around him. One of his hands is playing with your nipples again, pinching and pulling at your delicate flesh and sending delicious sparks of pleasure straight to your core while he's still fucking you deeply. It's incredible, already easily the best you've ever had, but you still want more, want him deeper.
“Oh my god, p-please Joel,” you stutter.
“Please what?”
“H-harder, please.” He growls at that, pulling himself out of you and flipping you around until you're on your knees, presenting your ass to him. He presses his cock back into you, knocking the air out of your lungs, and his hand connects with the skin on your ass cheek in a harsh slap.
“Knew you were a filthy little thing, fuck, just waitin' around for someone to give it to you hard, huh?” he growls. The way he's talking to you is going straight to your core and you feel a second high approaching rapidly.
His hand tangles in your hair, making a fist and pulling until you're arching your back, slightly changing the angle and letting him hit a spot inside of you that absolutely devastates you. There's stars dancing across your eyes, your thighs are quivering and your walls are pulsing rhythmically.
“Not someone, just- just for you,” you moan out, shuddering around him as another orgasm washes over you, your vision swimming and you're clamping down on him.
“Fuck, sweetheart,” Joel mutters, his hands grabbing your hips roughly and holding onto you with strong hands as he stills his movements and spills himself deep inside of you.
You feel almost delirious as Joel hugs you tightly to his body, kissing you deeply before he gently lays you down on the bed. He cleans you up, gets you a glass of water and covers you with a thick blanket before he slides into bed beside you.
His arm wraps around your middle and he pulls you closer against his chest, engulfing you in his warmth and peppering your bare neck and shoulders with kisses. You nuzzle into him, your eyes falling shut as you relax under his soft touches. You can't remember the last time you felt this good. Protected, cared for, happy.
“Sweetheart?” Joel's voice sounds from behind you and you give a little hum. “I know this started out like a one night thing, but-” he pauses, almost sounding a little shy, “promise me that you won't just vanish in the morning, okay?” You smile and crane your head to press your lips against his once more.
“I promise.”
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a/n #2: ...yeah, this would definitely fix me. shout out to the real life amanda for being an amazing friend and the best hype woman, thank you for yelling about pedro with me 24/7. also shout out to the real life patrick for being an amazing boyfriend and providing us with insights about the male sexual experience lol. thank you guys for being the best adoptive parents to my third-wheeling single ass. <3
thank you so much for reading! if you liked this, please consider reblogging or leaving a comment!
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particular-one · 10 months
Text
my heart won’t start anymore.
pairing. dan heng x gn!reader cw. hurt/no comfort, implied relationship between reader and dan heng, falling out of love (or is it), heavy angst that is carlyle's brand™ author's note. i say i love dan heng then subject him to my heaviest angst ideas. teehee, whoops. is anyone still surprised that i wrote yet another fic to a taylor swift song? listen to you're losing me for maximum enjoyment. ❤️‍🩹
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dan heng would have to be the luckiest man alive to have known someone like you and simultaneously, the most foolish man alive to let you slip through his fingers.
dan heng did not know where to begin when it came to describing you. to merely think he was lucky enough to call someone like you his was an understatement; you were perfect for him in every way possible, that it baffles him just how he's with you.
the way your eyes sparkled at the mention of stars, your favorite subject, before dan heng listened for the millionth time to your lighthearted ramble of where the stars came from. the way your laugh echoed melodiously in his head when he made a small but harmless mistake, how he would frown a little in shame but your toothy grin would make him forget his initial embarrassment. the way your head rested on his chest, humming to a childhood lullaby that would always have the same effect on his heart — to grow bigger in affection and adoration for you.
and you made him a better person, better than he ever thought he could be. dan heng had always carried the burden of his past reincarnation's sins on his back, but your presence always made the weight seem lighter. a glimpse of you was a glimpse of a life that he could live without guilt. and he wanted to make sure that he was worthy of it. worthy of you.
in short, dan heng found the perfect lifelong partner in you, end of story.
which ... just made your words pierce deeper than a knife to his heart.
"i think we should stop."
dan heng was too deep in his thoughts that he had not realized that he crumpled the paper flower bouquet in his hand. he was supposed to hand this to you the moment he stepped inside your room; march had teased him on the amount of dedication he put in perfecting his craft — according to the archives he has read, they called it the art of origami — but dan heng found himself smiling the entire process. secretly, he thought of it like his practice of building a life with you; handling the paper with subtle gentleness and care, folding it neatly to avoid any creases, before constructing a foundation for the camellia flower, your favorite flower.
what a joke this all seems to be now.
what was going on? where did he do wrong? why were you doing this? dan heng tried to remember if he had forgotten anything important. was it the time that he brushed you aside because he was engrossed in the mission? was it because dan heng constantly locked himself in the archives all by himself, that you grew tired of that?
".... stop what?"
you looked up at him, your stormy eyes brimming with tears that you were still trying to hold back. even when you were crying and breaking his heart, dan heng could not help but think how captivating you still looked. "you know what i mean."
why? "why?"
from his perspective, he could already see how much you were struggling to say it. you were shaking your head as your body was trying to hold in the biggest sob. it took everything in dan heng not to run to you and hold you in his arms, but what are the chances that you'd end up pushing him away? your words were evidence enough that you did not need his grasp right now.
"i just... i just don't see a future with you in it."
well, that hurt. that hurt more than the days that his other self wasted away in the shackling prison, mind swimming in terror and confusion as to why he was restrained the moment he was born. that hurt more than the time he sustained his deepest injury, because you were the one who ended up patching it up for him, all the while chastising him for being too reckless again. he won't have that anymore.
"why?" it was a repeat of his former question, but dan heng could hear his voice breaking as he repeated himself. moments ago, he was just dreaming about spending the rest of his life with you. to be able to wake up with you next to him and be the first to see the satisfied smile on your face. to stay by your side until the day you inevitably passed on before him.
and now, you were asking him to let that all go?
despite his initial reflections, dan heng took a step towards you, to which he was greeted with you stepping backwards, a sight that sank his heart even deeper. "but i love you." dan heng started, his heart soaring when he saw that his words still elicited a reaction from you. at this point, he was just grasping at non-existent straws that would bring you back to your senses. back to him. "we can figure a way—"
"dan heng." he stopped at his name, before slowly looking up to meet your gaze. your eyes were clouded with pain, sorrow, but most importantly, it was devoid of the warmth that dan heng sought solace in.
"i... i don't know if i can do this anymore."
you were no longer facing him, your back shaking in muffled sobs as dan heng stood there, as he watched you push him away for the first and last time. the feeling of the crumpled paper flower on his palm left nothing but a sour taste in his mouth. to think that he was so excited to see you.
"you're giving up then? on us?"
his voice came out hollow, his once forlorn expression twisting in incredulity and subtle frustration. to think that he was so excited to make things finally official between the both of you. he was finally ready to settle down and become the better man— no, the best man for you. could you not see how hard he worked to deserve you?
how cruel were you, really?
you didn't turn around to face him, but your silence told him everything he needed to know. it took everything in him to stifle the urge to let out a bitter laugh. how could he be so foolish? who would love someone as stoic, risk-taking and tactless as him, anyways?
"i didn't take you for a quitter, y/n. but i guess we're learning something new about each other right now." he spat out, which earned a turn from you. dan heng could see the hurt in your eyes. it annoyed him that even when you're hurting him, it still pained him to see you in distress. it took everything in him to reel back and stop himself. "so this is it; this is how all... this ends." he refused to let this flurry of emotions overwhelm him, as dan heng took one step closer towards you, and to his surprise, you stood, feet firmly planted on the ground. well, what does that matter now.
he was now towering over you, his eyes never leaving your figure and now was looking down at you. a part of him begged him to not say anything else, to leave with his dignity and his head up high. even if they weren't ... partners anymore, he could still try salvaging a friendship. and yet, his emotions took full control of himself at that moment. "i can't believe i even thought you were the one for me, but i guess i would probably outlive you, anyways. "
he could have sworn he heard your breath hitch as your eyes betrayed everything you were feeling at the time. a mix of grief, sadness and surprise at his words, no doubt. however, it was a fleeting sight that only slipped into another unreadable expression. "leave. please... just leave."
typically, dan heng would be able to tolerate the silence between the both of you, but that was because he could lose himself in your gaze. not now, though. his hand crumpled the paper flower even further before he threw it at the ground. dan heng took one last look at you, a small hope resurfacing that you would take everything back, that you were simply saying it in jest — but there was nothing.
he allowed his anger to overtake him and close the door behind him with a loud slam, huffing in mixed grief and anger and leaving your room for the last time. even when you were no longer looking, dan heng still refused to let that flurry of emotions overwhelm him. he shouldn't cry over someone who gave up on him as easily as that.
if he had lingered for a moment longer, he would have probably heard you breaking down in the loudest sobs on the other side of the door.
━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━
it had been three months since you left the astral express. three months since dan heng closed the door to the possibility that he would spend the rest of his long, long life with you.
three months since he hurled all those hurtful words towards you, which he has regretted since then. but his stupid ego would not let him utter a single apology to you the following morning.
it didn't take long for you to pack your bags and leave, which dan heng actually found relieving. the more he didn't see you and mourn over what could have been, the better.
still, it had been three months. dan heng would be a liar if he said that you did not cross his mind once. well, maybe more than once. maybe a million times since you left. he hated how you still had a hold on him, hated how your voice would be the last thing he's reminded of before he drifts to sleep, but most of all, he hated how he missed you since that fateful night.
how could he have missed the signs?
the tug on his sleeve brought him back to reality, as march looked over at him with a concerned glance. dan heng just shook his head and looked down at the very thing he was holding.
a bouquet of camellias. real ones, this time.
"dan heng, if you're feeling overwhelmed, we can just—" he was already walking ahead of march without listening to what else she had to say. truthfully, nothing she would probably say would deter him. the cold weather of jarilo vi was enough to drone out his ever active mind. so this was the planet that you called home after you left the express.
it did not take long for him to reach his destination, especially with how fast he had been walking. dan heng could barely even see the identifiable pink hair belonging to march behind him anymore. he'd probably have to offer her an apology for leaving her behind later.
it was a desolate deserted place, save for the monsters that roamed nearby and the dilapidated house that dan heng could only surmise as your house. though, he knew already what he was looking for.
"hey, y/n. i know you probably don't want to see me again, but ... here are your favorite flowers, just how you liked them."
to find himself face to face to a makeshift tombstone wasn't a sight that dan heng could have ever prepared himself for, but the fact that it was your tombstone that he was leaving flowers for made his last words towards you sink a knife deeper in his heart.
how could he not have noticed your erratic heartbeat?
when you told him that you couldn’t see a future with him in it, he didn’t think that you meant you did not have a future.
all those months, dan heng refused to let the flurry of emotions overwhelm him, but maybe for this time, he could just blame the emotional downpour on the bleak cold weather.
"if you had told me you were dying, i would have stayed."
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written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)
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sourholland · 23 days
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based off of taylor swift’s song style
a/n → well i bet some people didn’t expect this story to be updated again, however here i am and here it is. this is chapter 4. what mostly inspired me to try and finish this series is the continuous love i have received through it. there were a lot of people who told me how much they enjoy it and who am i to deny them. however i know that it’s been a year since i’ve updated this so if you want off of the taglist because of disinterest, please let me know!!! same goes for wanting to be on the taglist, just lmk 🩵
summary → he’s the quarterback of the cincinnati bengals, a worldwide heartthrob with an ego the size of lake erie—but does he have the heart to match it? you’re the bengals newest cheerleader, desperate to prove how much you deserve your spot on the team. it doesn’t take much to catch the eye of joe burrow, however that isn’t necessarily a good thing when you’re told that any romantic relations between cheerleaders and players is strictly prohibited.
warnings → strong language, nsfw content
word count → 3.4k
reblog and leave some comments if you enjoy!!!
SERIES MASTERLIST
Chapter 4
“He’s fucking obsessed with you,” Sydney reasoned with you, listening to you finally debrief everything that had gone on between you and Joe over the last few weeks. “If you seriously start with all of this self-sabotage bullshit, I’m gonna kill you.”
Lena sat criss cross on the floor, silent and turning over the information you had given her carefully. Sydney was sitting on the couch beside you, knees pulled up to her chest as she spooned more ice cream into her mouth. It had been days since you slept over at Joe’s and besides a few text conversations and fleeting glances at the stadium, nothing more had happened between the two of you.
“She’s right,” Lena finally chimed in, her mass of curls held up in a claw clip she’d stolen from you during freshman year. “He’s obsessed.”
With a roll of your eyes, you turned over dramatically and buried your face into the throw pillow on your couch and screamed into it. If he was so obsessed, why hadn’t he called? Maybe because you completely overreacted after seeing one text on his phone like a psycho bitch, you thought to yourself begrudgingly. He probably thought you were crazy and territorial over guys you weren’t even with.
“I think I ruined it when I left the bar,” you sighed, considering screaming into the pillow again like a child.
“Oh my god, shut up. Men are so simple and literally do not care about stuff like that, I’m telling you. If he told you he let it go, he let it go. There’s no reason to overthink it,” Sydney assured you with a half-full mouth of chocolate ice cream. “Do you remember when I was fucking with Josh sophomore year and found out he was still hooking up with that one girl on the lacrosse team? Lily or whatever the fuck her name was–whatever, not the point–but do you remember when I deadass asked the front desk of our dorm building for a pair of scissors and walked a mile to where his car was parked and slashed three of his tires. Yeah, well he still hits me up. Men do not give a fuck.”
Lena had begun clutching her stomach in fits of laughter, rolling onto her back and shaking her head with tears prickling the corners of her eyes. You clapped a hand over your mouth, kicking Sydney and recalling how feral the three of you had been during your freshman and sophomore year. Moments like these made you wish the three of you were already living together again, as you had the prior three years. Well, Sydney shared a suite with you and Lena sophomore year and the three of you got an apartment junior year. After you told your parents that you planned to stay in Cincinnati after graduation, they knew you would need a place and gave you your graduation present early–a down payment on an apartment and your first month's rent. 
Cheering with the Bengals and substitute teaching on the side allowed you to save a little, but most of your money went towards bills. Lena and Sydney were planning to move in and split the cost three ways as soon as your prior lease was up. They had agreed to take on your portion of rent when you moved out of your previous apartment two months ago, knowing they wouldn’t have to put any money away for the down payment when they did move in with you. They still had about three weeks left until the lease was up, but you had all spent weeks packing up the other apartment slowly but surely. There were enough rooms for each of you to get your own, one was just significantly smaller than the other two. Lena had volunteered to take the space immediately, claiming she didn’t mind the lack of closet space or squeaky door.
Lena never had it in her to mind anything like that, she always just brushed it off and said it didn’t bother her one bit. She told you she was just excited to live with her two sisters, making you cry on the spot and tell her how much you appreciated her. Sydney would have taken the small room, she just wouldn’t have been happy about it and somehow both you and Lena knew she would find closet space one way or another. 
“I can’t wait for Joe Burrow to be sitting in my kitchen,” said Lena, letting Sydney spoon ice cream into her mouth now. “Or what about when you guys are fucking–”
“Lena!” You took the pillow you had been yelling into and pressed it into your flaming cheeks.
“Okay wait, answer honestly and don’t be modest. How big?” she swallowed, clasping her hands together in front of her, ready to inch them apart. “Tell me when to stop.”
“You’re both insufferable!” 
Lena, however, only continued to move her hands apart from each other with wide eyes when you still hadn’t said to stop. She hit the solid length, you nearly wheezed the word out with tears freely streaming down your face as all three of you clutched your abdomens in hysterics and girlish giggles.
“Do you need a third or what?” Sydney joked, already having pulled Joe’s Instagram up to stalk for the millionth time.
“Obviously,” you gave her a playful once over and winked, sending the three of you into fits of laughter again. 
⋆------------⋆
Practices leading up to the next preseason game against the Giants were brutal. Coaches were through with putting up with excuses and mistakes, leaving most of you on the team crying by the end of the night. When they wanted you to suffer, you suffered. Some of the senior girls who had been cheering with the team for a few years tried their best to ease the anxieties of the less-veteraned girls.
Everything hurt, all the time. Your back and legs mostly, but the soreness in your thighs and glutes made even warmups painful.
“Y/N!” Coach Traci’s voice bellowed. “What are you doing with your arms? How many times have I told you that if you can’t get this, I’m moving you back for our sideline dance sequences so you’re less visible?”
“Multiple times,” your voice came out as a little more than an embarrassed squeak. “I’m sorry, Coach.”
“Don’t be sorry, be better.”
You had to get your mind straight, shaking off the criticism and putting everything into the next time you ran the dance. Coach Traci nodded at you, the only acknowledgement of improvement that you would get for tonight. After the shitshow that was the Cardinals game, you knew better than to balk or disrespect anyone during practices. Everyone was strung out and tired, it was during a water break when you realized Joe was perched in his usual spot, headphones around his neck and running through some easy sprints. 
Good fucking god, had he heard your scolding? The thought brought you back to high school, the feeling of getting a question blatantly wrong in front of your crush or being reprimanded in front of the class for talking too loudly during a lesson. That same flutter of uneasiness left you feeling uncomfortable within your own skin, distracted again but pushing the thoughts aside in order not to repeat the whole embarrassing ordeal.
Joe was doing his absolute best job of casually sitting in on as many cheer practices as possible. The last thing he wanted was to cause trouble for either of you, but he would have been lying if he said he wasn’t using the fact that he is who he is to do his workouts wherever he wanted around the facility without a second glance from anyone. There were very few people meandering around, telling Joe what to do. With his injury, he was just now getting back into light conditioning and drill work so it wasn’t out of the ordinary for him to remain at the stadium to workout after practice had ended. He was watching from the sidelines most practices, occasionally being able to do a few workouts and passing the football around while everyone ran plays. 
He would take advantage of the opportunity to watch you while it was the most inconspicuous.
Practice unsurprisingly went late. Joe had disappeared back inside at some point, to finally go home you assumed. Once you were heaving and your body felt like pure jelly, you were finally allowed to go and grab your things and head in to shower. There were two text messages from Joe, delivered fifteen minutes prior.
Joe: Text me when you’re done
Joe: Actually do you wanna do what you gotta do and meet me in our locker room??
This boy is genuinely idiotic if he thinks you’re just waltzing into the team locker room, facility still far from emptied out. You ignored the messages until you got into your own locker room, sitting on a bench and shaking your head at his idea once again. Joe had absolutely nothing to lose here, that much was obvious from the start. You were a completely different story, though.
Y/N: Joe omg
Y/N: There are cameras everywhereeeeeeeee
Y/N: Can you just call me later?
Joe: No
Joe: Just go around the long way, don’t take the hall Emily’s office is on and come around from the other side. 
When you didn’t respond right away, he texted again.
Joe: The security camera isn’t facing the door, it’s facing who comes down that main hallway
Joe: I swear no one is gonna see you, the cameras will literally only get you taking a different hallway to walk out of the building and we can leave out of different doors
Y/N: You’re actually insane
Y/N: How do you even know what ways the camera faces???
Joe: I just walked out of the locker room and looked
Joe: I basically walked the whole thing, everyone went home 
Joe: Obviously not your team but yk what I mean, your coaches office is on the complete other side of the building 
Y/N: Go home, Joe :)
Joe: Please
Your thumbs hovered over the letters ‘N’ and ‘O’, but there was a part of you that couldn’t deny how excited the idea of seeing him again made you. The sneaking around had your gut twisting in a way that had all of your rational thoughts going right out the door. You’re pathetic, you told yourself as you glanced over your shoulder to make sure no one watched you type your next message.
Y/N: You need to see me so bad that you’re saying please?
Joe: Desperately
Y/N: Oh you’re good lmao
Joe: So I’ll see you in fifteen
Liking the message, you put your head in your hands for a moment and huffed a laugh as you finally turned on the shower and stripped yourself of the now sweaty practice clothes. Most of the girls showered at home after night practices, so only a few remained readying to leave. You took your time, double shampooing and ensuring as many people as possible had departed from the practice facility. 
“Good night, girl!” Carolina called out, walking out the door and leaving only you.
“Night, Carol!”
With shaky breaths, you brushed your wet hair once again and looked into the mirror. You had no makeup on and wore shorts and a Bengals hoodie now, which did nothing for your confidence as you walked out of the locker room with your bag in hand and cast your eyes downward. In your attempts to look unsuspicious, you took the long back hallway that wrapped around the inside of the stadium. There was the muffled sound of the janitors' speakers, but they were far from where you were and each office and support center looked desolate and left for the night.
The door to the players’ locker room was slightly ajar, leaving you to glance around again and double check Joe’s camera assessment. He was right, there was a camera on the end of the hallway, but it faced the opposite direction and caught whoever took the main entrance inside of this part of the building. Quickly, you slipped into the much nicer locker room and shut the door behind you. 
“That was twenty-five minutes,” Joe’s voice sounded from behind you.
“This is a stupid idea,” you cast him a playfully annoyed glance and locked the door behind you, turning to find him in shorts and a black T-shirt. “You’re a really bad influence, you know that?”
“So I’ve been told,” he walked towards you with such ease that you wouldn’t have believed he was just bed-ridden from surgery. His fingers found the hem of your hoodie, smirking down at you in his usual arrogantly charming manner. “I’m still glad you came, though. Even if I compromise your moral judgment so badly.”
He is so fucking hot, you thought as he continued fiddling with your sweatshirt. How is it possible to have this much sex appeal? How is it humanly possible for anyone to resist a look like his? Your entire body was on fire, swallowing hard and wondering once again how you wound up here with him.
“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he confessed. “I know I keep saying that and you’re probably sick of it. It’s true, though.”
The pads of his thumb and index finger brushed your bare torso, the circular motion leaving you breathing a bit heavier. His touch was less feverish than usual, more gentle and fleeting like he wanted you to know how much he wanted you. Hardly blinking, you let the tense silence guide you towards him in a way that left you practically flush against each other. Joe’s breathing hitched, giving you those sultry bedroom eyes and stupid smirk.
This time it was you who could no longer resist, kissing him softly as if to say that you, too, could not stop thinking of him. He slid his arms around your lower back, allowing you to wrap yours around his neck. Your back arched slightly at the long kiss, his right hand lowering to grab your ass and squeeze. He somehow maneuvered the two of you farther into the locker room between open-mouth, breathy kisses. Your back collided with the wall to the right of the sequence of open lockers, his mouth on your neck and biting gently at the skin of your collarbone. 
He pulled your hoodie off, throwing it somewhere behind him. Your fingers found his hair, tugging as he marked your chest up ravenously. A problem for later, you pushed the thought away and let your head roll to the side as he palmed both of your breasts through the fabric of your sports bra, occasionally leaving a hum of pleasure against the soft skin between your breasts. He kissed down your stomach and held you roughly by one hip, sinking to his knees looking up at you asking permission. 
“Did you know this was going to happen when you texted me?” You teased, still holding onto him by his hair. 
“When I texted you,” he started, letting out a breathy chuckle. “I prayed to god that this would happen, but I figured you were gonna tell me to fuck off.”
With a playful shove of his head, you looked away with blazing skin and blown pupils. Joe pulled down your shorts in one quick motion, running his hands down your hips and thighs with a lustful expression. He kissed you over the fabric of your underwear, fingers digging into the flesh of your ass. There was no denying the arousal dripping from you, wetting your panties, leaving Joe to raise an eyebrow and flash you an egotistical grin. A breathy moan escaped you and he stopped, causing a near-whimper to come from you.
“Quiet, baby,” he chided softly, “I need you to be quiet or we’re both fucked.”
The fact that he had called you baby was something to dissect tomorrow, you only inhaled sharply at his words. He looked up at you again with hair falling over his forehead, “can you be quiet for me?”
If he kept looking at you like that, you would do just about anything for him. You gave him a nod and he kneaded the flesh of your thigh now, finally pulling your underwear down and discarding them carelessly. He wrapped your right leg around his shoulder, on his knees before you.
“Can’t say that I’m complaining at this sight, right where you belong,” you whispered, cheekily.
“You’re hilarious,” he rolled his eyes and pinched your backside. “I’m on my knees for you anytime, just say the word.”
He didn’t give you even a second to respond, tonguing you with such desperation that your toes curled the second he put his mouth on you. Your slick had already coated his mouth and chin, his tongue running between your folds as his nose brushed the bundle of nerves. You struggled to keep quiet, eyes squeezing shut as you rocked your hips into his mouth and relished in each breathy moan that escaped him and reverberated against your center. 
His thumb went to your clit, rubbing feverishly at the bud and watching you turn to putty in his hands. Your legs began to shake violently, wondering how much longer you could stand the tight coiling in your belly. One of your hands remained in his hair, the other gripped the hard wall for any semblance of steadying as he devoured you. 
He grunted against you, picking up his pace and letting his hands explore as you bit back each and every sound you wished to make. He steadied you as you came undone, panting and unable to move or see. Stars clouded your vision, black spots causing you to close your eyes and breathe for a moment as you regained feeling of your body again.
The handle of the door shook, someone was trying to get in.
“Fuck,” you whispered at Joe, who was already carefully dropping your leg and reaching back to grab your shorts and hoodie. 
You slid the shorts on, throwing the hoodie over your head and letting Joe silently lead you farther back into the locker room where the showers were. He gave you a look that said to sit tight and make no noise. He didn’t look nearly as nervous as you, legs still gelatin and causing you to have to lean back against the wall to ensure your balance.
“Anyone in there?” A man’s voice sounded, muffled slightly from the distance now between you and the door. 
“Yeah!” Joe called out as casually as possible, he sauntered over to the door and flicked the lock and opened it. A janitor stood before him, cart beside him to clean. “Hey, Phil. I stayed late tonight, I don’t know why I locked the door. Must’ve been a reflex.”
Phil nodded slowly, he looked into the locker room and saw it all emptied out. Joe rubbed the back of his neck, swallowing and waiting for the man to say something. Phil only coughed and averted his eyes when he saw the lilac underwear balled up on the floor. He met Joe’s eyes and muttered that he’d come back around once he left, but not to be more than ten more minutes. Joe gave him a gracious thanks and sighed in relief as the man retreated down the hallway and brought his cart into another room, shutting the door behind him and turning his radio up considerably louder than he’d ever heard him play it.
“You can come out now,” he said, turning around and seeing the panties on the ground. He had no clue if Phil had seen them, but he also had no doubt that Phil was no busybody or gossip at his ripe age of at least seventy. 
“Do I get to keep these?” He asked as you came out from the showers, holding them up and smirking.
“Did I or did I not say that this was a stupid idea?” 
“Is that a yes or a no?”
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bluecardigan-13 · 5 months
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Anyone know if @taylorswift has an actual #fan mail address? I so wanna send her some of my art. I would love to make her smile. One of those big bright shining light up the sky smiles!
Not that she would actually get the item I know. But it’d be nice. You know? I’m also watching her Eras concert 1 more time before it expires on Amazon Prime since I rented it.
And I did offer to purchase a gift card for someone to buy it if they wanted it but no one took me up on my offer. But that’s ok. I’m new here so I’ll eventually grow in Tumblr before I get noticed. LOL
I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. Next week there is only 2 more days left of the week, and then my youngest is in winter break then I don’t have to wake up quite so early. Cause I’m tired!! Oh the downside of being #chronically ill!
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ascendanttarot · 9 months
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PAC: What type of main character are you?
Hi everyone! So, as we know, we are the main character of our own lives. This PAC is meant to get into the more specific details of what type of character you are. We'll be covering:
Your archetype
Your story
Two channelled songs
As well as some signs before the reading to ensure the message is for you. If you resonate with one or more signs, that is meant to be your reading. :)
Please remember your fate is not set in stone so your answers may change depending on the actions you take and will take if you please. Tarot is not a substitute for professional advice. The images I’ve used are not mine.
From left to right, Pile 1, 2 & 3.
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Pile 1
Signs that this is for you: You may have an earth sign in your big three, specifically Taurus. If not, I'm sensing someone who wears a lot of Earth tones in their wardrobe and feels connected with nature. You may have a 4th house stellium. Your throat chakra may be blocked, meaning you have difficulty speaking up and standing up for yourself. If this is the case, then this is a wound you're meant to heal in this lifetime. You may listen to music to cope with your emotions because you have difficulty trying to make sense of all of it by yourself. Um, this is an odd message, but I just smelled ramen? Specifically, the smell of instant ramen? Someone here may be eating that right now, or maybe that's your go-to meal. You're also considered your group's ‘mom/dad/parental friend’.
Your cards: 3 of swords, The Lovers rx, 6 of Cups rx, Death, The Empress
Your archetype: The Caregiver
Your story: From a very young age, you’ve learned that the relationships you build with others aren’t meant to last. Your friends or family members from this time may not have tended to your emotional needs. Some of them may have even been narcissists, but the key message here is that they required you to give all of yourself, all the contents in your cup, as an incentive to make them stay in your life. You grow up thinking all relationships were meant to be like this. I just heard the word ‘transactional’ so maybe some of you who are well in your adulthood view your relationships to be more like a business transaction than a genuine relationship. You’ve set low standards because you feel that’s all your worth. Communicating boundaries may be difficult for you because you don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, because you feel you'd rather have this than nothing at all.
There’s a shift though. I just felt a surge of… quiet anger. It’s not the explosive, shouting-at-your-face type of anger, but it’s like a switch has just been flipped and you begin to realise you deserve more than you’re getting. You distance yourself from the people around you or you will soon. For some, I could even see this be a physical move. The point is that you become a bit of a hermit for a while. You take the time to finally get to know yourself on your own and give yourself the comfort you’ve been wanting so desperately from others, filling your own cup. If this is yet to happen to you, I got a strong message to look back to your childhood self for guidance—what would they have wanted for their older self? What jobs and projects did they see themselves achieving? What shows and music gave them comfort when they were lounging, or crying by themselves to self-sooth? Doing inner child work will help present you more than you think.
The future is bright with the Empress card at the end. You learn to love yourself and know your worth not because someone told you so, but because you took the time to define that yourself. You haven’t stopped caring for others, you’ve just learned to care for yourself first.
Thank you for letting me be your reader, Pile 1!
Your song: Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart by Ariana Grande and Clean by Taylor Swift (for some reason I’m sensing there may be some Taylor Swift fans in this pile)
Pile 2
Signs that this is for you: I did not get any strong hints on what sign you guys might be, but if I had to name one, I’d say Aquarius. The first thing I did see was height, so either you guys are really short or really tall. You also may be very physically attractive, like I got ‘pretty’ vibes from your pile. I also got ‘boyfriend’ vibes, but I mean that in a gender-neutral way. I feel more at ease using slang with your pile, so maybe most of you here are of a younger age group. Either way, I’m sensing the majority of you are in school, or some sort of higher education, and that your teachers/classmates may tease you about your handwriting because I just heard ‘chicken scratch’ lol. Some of you may say you’re nerds, and that your favourite subjects are STEM subjects. You may be a singer and have been told to have an angelic voice. Extra messages: You like and relate to Peter Parker, you proofread your essays so much you memorise them by accident, and you like baked goods because I just smelled a bakery for some reason?
Your cards: Queen of Swords, Page of Swords, Seven of Swords, Knight of Cups (extra clarifying card: Three of Cups), The Hierophant
Your archetype: The Hero turned Teacher
Your story: Your story starts when you’re in your teens which may be the age you are now. Your ambition is your drive, but it’s not for selfish reasons; you’ve got big dreams because you want to change the world in some way and give back to your community by possibly offering some sort of service. I think many people look up to you and how brilliant you are. It’s odd because I can almost see you from their point of view, and the admiration is so great for you and your potential it can come across as overwhelming. I say you’re a ‘hero’ with the good and bad in mind because while you deserve the recognition, I think you may feel a bit suffocated by it.
The borderline hero worship makes you feel uncomfortable because you may feel like you don’t deserve it, regardless of what people think. In your head, you recognise how much you don’t know, and you berate yourself for it, always criticising yourself saying ‘You can do better’. If you achieve something, you never have the time to celebrate it and look back on how far you’ve come because you’re always after the next goal. I just heard ‘It’s not enough’ and then ‘I’m not enough’ straight after. I feel on edge with your energy, like you’re rushing to prove yourself without realising you’ve already done so a million times over.
The turning point of your story can either be a dramatic or a quiet one, but for most of you I’m sensing you burn out without even realising it. Because of that you feel frustrated with yourself that you’re ‘slipping’ so you work yourself to the bone, which makes you ‘slip’ even more. I think the next phase of your life is going to require vulnerability coming from you where you admit you need help from the people you love, and this is going to feel so uncomfortable because I can tell you’re not used to asking for help at all. Your loved ones may confide in you too, telling you they were scared you were rushing towards success so much you were leaving them behind. Difficult conversations were or will be made, but that benefits you so much.
You reconnect with yourself and your loved ones, learning empathy and love along the way. This helps you refine your goals, and you’ll start asking yourself what you want. Your mind becomes sharper because of the boundaries you’ve put on yourself and for yourself. This makes people respect you more, but it doesn’t feel uncomfortable anymore because you start respecting yourself. You grow from being a hero to a Sage/Teacher with a well-earned sense of wisdom your younger self didn’t even realise was a blind spot.
Thank you for letting me be your reader, Pile 2!
Your song: Show Me the Right by NEIL FRANCES and Radio Ga Ga by Queen
Pile 3
Signs that this is for you: The strongest energy I got from your pile was that you are a very spiritual person. Clairaudient abilities are strong with this pile, as well as claircognizance. You may identify as a witch or a practitioner and may even have a familiar. I’m also sensing you might literally be a cat person and that’s why you may have clicked on this reading, haha! Physically, I see very high contrast features. If you know what colour seasons are, you may be a True Winter, Dark Winter, or Dark Autumn. Your gaze is incredibly striking, almost intimidating. For astrology placements, I’m sensing a heavy emphasis on the water signs Pisces and Scorpio, or at least a heavy influence of the planets Pluto, Mars, and/or Neptune in your chart. You may also work with the fae and/or Hecate. This is a peculiar message to give, but your energy feels like when lightning strikes a large body of water, and despite having heavy water placements you might work with breath magick.
Your cards: 5 of Pentacles, The World rx, Page of Cups, Queen of Wands, Six of Wands
Your archetype: The Outlaw
Your story: Before I start, I want to say you’re similar to Pile 1 but not really. It feels like you and Pile 1 had similar upbringings, but your journey is different like you’re two sides of the same coin. Are you friends with someone like Pile 1? If not, I think you will in the future.
So, onto the reading. Your story starts with you feeling like the world is going against you, like they’ve shunned you out before you had any say in it. Your energy feels like smoke, and people mistook you for someone illusive when you were just more open to being yourself. You have a high intrapersonal intelligence so you accept that you are multi-faceted, but for some reason other people can’t. It feels like a ‘you against the world’ energy. I think people did this because they were scared by the fact they couldn’t control you, and that you can read everyone so well but for some reason, no one can read you.
That in turn made you more rebellious, more willing to push the boundaries and be different which I think made the people in your life angrier. At the start, you may have done it out of spite, but as you grow into yourself you realise, you’re doing this because you want to live your life honestly, and that it’s for your happiness at the end of the day. Eventually, anger evolves into sadness. You long or will long for someone to finally see you for who are in all the depths you see in others. You don’t advertise this feeling. Many people won’t notice the change in demeanour because they’ve got it in their head that you’re like this rogue nomad, but this won’t last forever.
Like magic, you meet someone or a group of people that just get you, and they come into your life at exactly the right time. Your spirit guides are being quiet about what that means, but for some of you it could be when you feel like you’re hanging by a thread, and that’s when these people finally come into your life. I think people will question this relationship/friendship because you two seem like polar opposites, with the other person/people being gentler and you being more headstrong, but what they don’t see is that this other person/group feels like they aren’t seen properly either. That’s why you two click.
You become a power duo/group. I could see that some of you may even work together on a business or a humanitarian cause. Your self-confidence grows bit by bit, and you regain the power you have over yourself you felt was too big for you to handle before. You could stand alone, but you realise you don’t want to anymore. You’ve never felt more at home.
Thank you for letting me be your reader, Pile 3!
Your song: Villain Of My Own Story by Unlike Pluto and The Greatest by Louis Tomlinson
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laracrofted · 1 year
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delicate
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synopsis: bob floyd is good at everything, except maybe expressing his feelings. based on delicate by taylor swift.
pairings: bob floyd x fem!reader (no y/n)
warnings: 18+, minors and ageless blogs dni, listen... if you're a delicate enjoyer, you should know to expect light angst here. expect softness too and also, semi-explicit sex, swearing, and the like. (wc: 2.2K)
note: so i've done nothing but listen to delicate and watch the lewis pullman pottery videos all week. be gentle with me.
written for the love is in the air challenge hosted by the lovely @roosterforme.
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summoning a few fellow bob floyd enjoyers: @theharddeck @bradshawsbitch @rhettabbotts @roleycoleyreccenter @hangmanbrainrot @t-nd-rfoot
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Another late night comes, and Bob Floyd is naked on the other side of your bed. 
Moonlight shines in from the outside, slipping between the curtains that aren’t quite closed, and in the near dark, Bob looks almost contemplative, tracing the length of your spine with soft, barely there touches. 
He is like a statue, something carved from marble, stretched out against your side, close enough for you to feel the warmth that radiates from his skin. You are a seasonal bloom, curving towards the sun, basking in his warmth.
He isn’t wearing his glasses and so, probably can’t make you out as much more than shadow and light, but Bob doesn’t seem to mind, content to admire you in the darkness, content to find the shape of you through gentle touches. Fingertips skim the curve of your waist, drum along your ribcage, making you giggle into the pillows. 
He knows your ticklish spots, careful to press the kisses a little lighter on the back of your knee or skim his nose along the side of your neck, all slow and purposeful, depending on his mood. A smile pulls at his blushing mouth, swollen with kisses, paired with an amused exhale. 
That was definitely on purpose. 
The BCGs sit on the nightstand, set aside on a stack of books, next to the mug of chamomile tea, half-drunk and probably cold now. You don’t want him to reach for them, knowing that Bob only puts them back on to leave. 
He doesn’t reach for them. 
You have a few more minutes. 
You don’t mean to let your eyes close, but Bob is warm and familiar and comforting. It is a losing battle. 
He brushes a kiss across your hairline and settles there, muscles bulging in the folded arm under his head. His breaths, slow and steady and even, stir the escaping hairs there. 
You drift in and out, lost in dreams of smoking planes and late-night texts and chamomile tea and a whispered confession against your brow. Come back to awareness in the cold absence of his warmth, his weight sinking the cheap mattress.
Between your lashes, Bob is a shadow at the nightstand, already dressed again in the black t-shirt and dark jeans that he'd been wearing at the Hard Deck tonight, sending you the I’m coming over message. 
He doesn’t notice your gaze, staring down at the nightstand with a clenched jaw, still wearing that contemplative expression. It has soured somewhere in the middle, tinged with an internal debate. 
He casts his gaze down to you, looking over your sleeping form, brushing the back of his hand across your cheek. You don’t open your eyes, not brave enough to pull him back down beside you and ask him not to leave. 
Stay here. Don’t make me ask. 
And after a few minutes, Bob picks up his glasses and leaves. 
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Bob Floyd is good and also, good at everything. 
He’s not loud about it. 
Not like Hangman is good at pool, cheering and fist-pumping after a trick shot to draw over a crowd, already recounting the shot in self-congratulatory to the nearest person who’ll listen. He preens at the attention, basking in it. 
“Not just good,” Hangman said once, not one to let a compliment slide without making it into a thing, making you regret saying anything at all. “Too good to be true.”
Bob’s not dramatic about it either. 
Like how Rooster will dance his fingers across the piano, playing a few teasing notes to make sure the Hard Deck quiets down around him, building the suspense of the moment, waiting for them to look at him. 
Not like that at all. 
He is unassuming, not expecting compliments or attention, and in the rare event that a Hard Deck patron or a fellow Naval avatar does notice how skilled Bob Floyd is at the pool table and the like, he is quick to dismiss the praise. 
He is just… good. It is that simple.
You’d been a civilian mechanic on North Island for a good six months and were utterly convinced that no Naval aviator who’d graduated from Top Gun could be anything other than a walking and talking ego. Experience hadn’t changed your mind.
It is probably your own fault. You’d made it too easy for him.
All Bob Floyd needed to do was be good, quietly good in that way of his, and Bob had you. 
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It sneaks up on you. A startling realization.
You’ve never been this person, the one who is waiting for the text to light up your nightstand in the black, the one who is reaching across the still warm bed after, grasping for a ghost that’s already slipped out into the night. You aren’t supposed to want him like this.
You are supposed to be the cold one, the one with one foot out the door, ready to leave rather than get left. You don’t let anyone get close enough to hurt you, not anymore, and Bob Floyd isn’t supposed to be the exception.
He is though. 
He’s your friend. You like him.
He’s more than that. You like him. 
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You let yourself dream for a while, imagining that maybe Bob Floyd could like you too. He could want to be with you – not just want you on dark nights, drenched in loneliness, looking for someone who would understand the life of a Naval aviator and not expect promises. 
It doesn’t always seem like such a dream. That, at least, helps you feel less foolish. 
He comes to check on the F-18 repairs that Phoenix used to spearhead and lingers to ask you more questions.
Another mechanic calls him your boyfriend. A tease meant to embarrass you, not him, but Bob flushes pink. 
His next words come out stuttered, caught in a sharp wind and knocked off course, but Bob doesn’t correct him. 
He doesn’t deny it, but Bob still leaves. 
And after Bob accidentally knocks your favorite mug from the nightstand with an errant foot, shattering it into pieces too small to glue back together, Bob makes you a new one. It is dotted with little pink and green flowers and on the bottom, marked with his initials.
Didn’t want it to get mixed up in the kiln, Bob explained to you, showing you the little R.F. on the bottom.
He can easily hold it in one hand, fingers wrapping around the sides and meeting near the handle. You weigh that against the delicate flowers that line the glaze and feel fragile.
You don’t know anything about ceramics – other than that Bob does know about them. Just like he can play the drums and pick out the constellations on clear nights. You do know that Bob must’ve spent at least a few days making it, if not a week. 
“It’s not perfect. Got a little misshapen around the handle because I didn’t…” He shows you, pointing out the imperfection. It is a little misshapen, endearingly so. Little pink flowers. You pinch your arm and miss his explanation. “Is it okay? I could try again.” 
He looks nervous. Moisture pricks at your eyelids.
“It’s perfect.” No one’s ever given me anything so thoughtful. I like you so much. You bite down on your lip hard and bring the mug close to your chest, cradling it. "I’m never using another mug ever again. You’ll have to put it in my grave with me.” 
He made it for you. 
No one has ever made anything for you before, and Bob made something so beautiful and personal and precious with you in mind. You feel raw, flayed right open for him to pierce you through the heart. 
He made it for you… and still, Bob leaves. 
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A message lights up your phone screen, set aside on the kitchen counter during your meal preparation. It is much earlier than Bob would usually send an I’m coming over text, but Bob does text you about other things. You are friends after all. 
Need a pool partner at the Hard Deck. Come meet me in the back?
He comes home with you a little earlier that night, stays a little longer, holds you a little tighter, arms around you like steel bands; but eventually, like clockwork, Bob reaches for his glasses on the nightstand.  
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You should’ve ended it ages ago. Protected your own heart. 
He looks so handsome, so beautiful in your bed, pressing your legs open to take you apart with his mouth, guiding your hands to stroke through his hair, silky and slightly damp from a late-night shower. Soaking in every sound that escapes from your mouth.
You almost say it then. 
You don’t, instead filling the silence with moans and gasps and the reverent repetition of his name. Move your fingers through the soft strands, tugging when Bob slides his ring finger into you and nudges at a spot that makes your vision haze. 
He moans against you, low and wanting, curling his fingers tighter around your thigh, hard enough to leave indents. You’ll check for bruises in the morning, even though Bob never leaves any. He’s always so careful with you. 
“Please,” Bob whispers, before making you shatter on his tongue.
You almost tell him then, but manage to hold it in, blinking the stars from your eyes, until Bob is sprawled across your bed after, mouth shining with you, pressing a wet kiss to your temple. 
Soft. Like a promise. 
“I really like you.” 
Half a second passes, and Bob is completely still. 
Fuck. You pull back from him.
Why did you say that? You shouldn’t have said anything, 
You’ve ruined it. It was good. You’ve ruined everything. You – 
A creaking bedspring. Bob reaches over you to turn on the light and grabs his glasses from the nightstand. You are both bathed in the warm yellow light as Bob slides them on.
Not to leave. He wants to see your face better.
He pushes himself upright, sliding to lean against the headboard, forearms rippling with the movement. Bob doesn’t leave. 
“You…” Bob hesitates, expression guarded. “You do?” 
It would be easier to lie about it. You can’t do it anymore. 
“I do. Is that… Is it okay that I said that? Is it too soon?” 
You can hear your own hope in your voice, unbridled, and Bob searches your expression, eyes wide and blue behind the wire frames. You’d never seen that color blue before him.
In lieu of an answer, Bob says, “I love you.” 
You might not be breathing. You’re definitely crying. 
He cups your cheek in a large palm, catching a tear that spills across the bridge of your nose. His voice is low and tender, enough to warm you from the inside out. “I’ve loved you for months now, and I couldn’t...” Wetness shines on his own cheek, and Bob brushes it away. “It felt so delicate and new, and I couldn’t risk losing you, even if I only ever got to have pieces.” 
A curl falls across his forehead. You brush it back, stroking your fingertips down his cheek, and Bob closes his eyes with a shuddering breath, leaning into your touch. He is shaking. 
“Not just pieces. You’ve had me, all of me the whole time.” 
And Bob rewards your confession with his own.
“I always wanted to stay with you. You never asked, and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” And the corner of his mouth lifts in a wobbly smile. “That didn’t stop me from pushing my luck when I was feeling brave.” 
You remember. He’d hold you a little longer, pull away a little slower. He’d whisper words too low for you to make out. You wonder now if Bob was saying these words; if Bob had really whispered I love you in your dreams or said it for real. 
You need to know. “And if I ask you now?” 
“I’d stay with you,” Bob promises, serious and solemn. “I'd hold you. And then, in the morning, I’d bring you breakfast. I make a mean scrambled egg.” 
You laugh, and Bob smiles at the sound.
He lowers you onto your back, moving over you. He is broad enough to blot out the light, looking at you with such hope and love. His gaze moves between your eyes and your lips.
“Are you?” Bob asks, serious again. He raises your interlocked fingers and kisses the back of your hand. “Asking, I mean?” 
You kiss him. It is answer enough. 
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For the rest of the night, Bob is all over you, kissing your cheeks, pinning your interlocked fingers into the soft sheets. He slides into you with your name on his lips, saying those three words over and over again, like a prayer.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
He lets go only once – to slide his glasses from his nose and deposit them back in their place on the nightstand.
And in the morning, Bob brings you coffee in a handmade mug with the little pink and green flowers. He stays. 
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end note: i'd love to hear your thoughts and feelings, especially since i've never written a bob floyd fic before. happy valentine's day!
1K notes · View notes
starlost97 · 3 months
Text
— last.
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summary: You and Arthur were exactly like each other. And as much as this could be good, it was also a problem. (based on the song "cowboy like me" by Taylor Swift)
keywords: fluff, personal favorite, Arthur Leclerc is a player, Reader is a player, based on a Taylor Swift song, f!reader.
characters: Arthur Leclerc.
warnings: none.
a/n: i'm actually SO proud of this one. like really proud.
word count: 650.
requested?: yes! by a friend.
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People said that you and Arthur were the perfect match. Two people with a terrible reputation, never going to their own home after night outs and neverending dating rumors.
However, people didn’t understand it. How could you trust someone so similar to you? You knew very well how untrustworthy you were when it came to love. Always giving out a fake number, leaving before they wake up and not saying anything too personal.
Arthur was exactly like that. Just like you.
But there was something different about him. About his kiss. Sometimes slow, but sometimes so passionate. So torturous but so addicting. You couldn’t get enough of it, and Arthur wished that he couldn’t say the same.
The ghost of your lips on his, the memory of your warmth against his body and the feeling of having you in his arms was something that didn’t stop haunting him since your first night together.
It wasn’t something that he could explain. Not one of his friends could comprehend the effect that you had on Arthur. He knew very well how bad it could go. How you could destroy him.
But as in the myth of Icarus, he couldn’t help but go directly into the sun. The beauty of freedom to him, and the temptation of diving into true love to Arthur.
And if he did fall, it would be in love. He just didn’t know if he would end up in hell.
But hell wouldn't sound so lovely.
As your voice echoed around the room and that heavenly voice brought butterflies to his stomach, he smiled. He could never get used to it. To listening to your voice. To being with you. To you.
“But I said, ‘Dancing is a dangerous game’.”
Arthur’s smile turned into a smirk as he remembered the countless nights they spent dancing. Not only in parties, events, but also alone in each other’s places, being illuminated only by the street lights that invaded their apartments.
God, he loved having his hands on you. Guiding your body to the rhythm of the song and feeling your smile against his lips when he squeezed her waist.
It drove him crazy. Everything about you was maddening. How could you be so perfect? So tempting? So addicting?
Self-preservation left his body and it seemed like it was never there. Vulnerability never gave him comfort, but there was something so erotic about being exposed to you. To someone who could do anything to him, from destroying to making him the happiest man alive. God, he didn’t care. It didn’t matter.
Your beauty was enough to make him want to watch you do anything. He would’ve loved to be destroyed by you, watch as your pretty little mind created the most perfect of plans to manipulate him.
You for sure had what was necessary to do it. He was completely — and happily — vulnerable.
“Now you hang from my lips,” You sang, looking Arthur in the eyes. “like the Gardens of Babylon.”
Uncertainty. He wanted to take that away from you, but still, there was something beautiful about choosing to trust. All the stakes were against him, but yet, the overwhelming passion was enough to make you vulnerable to him. And that was very much an honor to him.
He was honored to have you entirely.
When you finished the song, Arthur waited for you to come to him, as you always did after the shows. He watched as your figure became clearer, and how the long green dress complimented your skin.
You smiled at him, and that alone could’ve killed him.
“I couldn’t have expressed us in any better way, darling.” He said, pulling you into his lap and looking into your eyes. “You’re my only true love, and also my last.”
You were the only experience of true love that Arthur ever had, and he’ll keep it that way.
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queer-irritator · 6 months
Text
Everything Has Changed | Kratos x reader
A/N: I was listening to music and Everything Has Changed by Taylor Swift came on and it made me think of how one look at Kratos and I was in love lmao. I think Kratos deserves a whirlwind, sudden teenage dream type romance. Pure fluff!
Fem reader, no use of pronouns, but feminine descriptions used.
CW: Adult language, mention of death, mention of mysophobia. 
Word Count: 4,535
---
You lived alone on a small island in Svartalfheim, near Dragon’s Beach. Since the towns nearby were built with dwarves in mind, you didn’t exactly find it the most comfortable to live in Nidavellir. So, you built your own little slice of paradise. You had a quaint home, not unlike those housed by dwarves. You also had your own garden to grow food, and a few pets to keep you company. You found your way into the tight-knit community created by, and for, dwarves after being taken in by the most unlikely candidate in all of Svartalfheim, Sindri.
Left an orphan after your parents were murdered under Odin’s orders, you were stuck wandering the town of Nidavellir at the age of 6. Your parents were adventurers; brave and curious truth-seekers. But when their curiosity brought them to Svartalfheim, dangerously close to what you can only assume was something very sacred to Odin, they were killed. Or, that’s what you think anyway. Odin and the aesir claim there was an “accident” when they were exploring. You didn’t know any better at the time, but Sindri did. Somehow he had convinced Odin not to take you away with him, gods know what he would have done to you if he hadn’t been successful. 
Since then, you’ve looked to Sindri, and the entire community of Nidavellir, as family. It had been almost two decades since then, and now you work hard helping out the dwarves any way you can. You perform chores that are made easy due to your height advantage over them, but most importantly you make yourself available to listen to the community, sort of like a self-appointed therapist. That’s where you were at this very moment, on a hill a few minutes walk outside of town, you call your “office”. You saw a few people each day, but today was slower than usual. On days like this you liked to practice magic and tend to your garden. You took an interest in nature, so Sindri taught you how to manipulate some natural elements, get food to grow quicker, some healing magic, stuff like that. You were planting some seeds for the upcoming harvest season. Your hands, covered in soft, cold dirt, carefully poked holes into the tender earth. You dropped a few seeds in each hole before gently covering them back up. 
The snap of a twig to your left tore your focus away from your current task. You turned your head to meet the sound and couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. You saw Sindri stepping out from behind a tree, you hadn’t seen him in a few months, the both of you had been consumed in work as of late.
“Sindri!” you called to the dwarf as you dusted the dirt off your hands and stood up.
“Hey, it’s been a while. I-”
You cut off Sindri’s words by running over to him and embracing him in a bone-crunching hug. You were careful to keep your dirty hands away from him, but he hated being touched nonetheless. This was the longest you’ve ever gone without seeing each other, so he was just going to have to deal with your close proximity. You could feel his body tense up around your arms, signaling he had enough. 
“I’m sorry, I know you hate it, but I haven’t seen you in forever!!” You flashed him a sad smile, pleading him not to be upset with you. 
“No, it’s fine. I’ll just… take a bath in bleach.” He was standing so none of his limbs were touching each other, like an awkward sparring dummy. 
“Don’t be so dramatic.” You teased him as you knelt down to rinse your hands in a bucket of water nearby. 
“We breathed the same air for nearly 20 years, a hug is nothing.” you attempted to reason with his brain. You stood up once again and really took in the sight of Sindri standing in front of you. Despite his mysophobia that refused to waver, you really missed him. 
“So, what are you doing here? Just dropping by?”
“No, I… I actually need your help with something.” Sindri’s tone had shifted from annoyed to more serious. “Anything for you, Sin’.” you smiled at him, trying to keep the conversation light. You couldn’t imagine he would have anything horrific to ask of you. You turned to a small shelf and grabbed a clean rag and a bottle of cleaner and handed it to Sindri. 
“Here. I can’t take you seriously with you standing like that, man.” You chuckled. He mumbled out a ‘thanks’ and swiftly began to clean himself.
While Sindri was getting himself into a state of cleanliness that he deemed suitable, he told you of the favor he needed. He explained that the World Tree was dangerously close to becoming overgrown, and Ratatoskr had his hands busy trying to parent the lindwyrms, who were not ready to care for the world tree on their own quite yet.
“Ahh, so now my “dirty hobby” has come to be useful!” You crossed your arms smugly as Sindri rolled his eyes with a scoff. 
“If that’s how you want to look at it…” he murmured. “Just, come to my house when you’re ready. I have to take a bath now.” 
Before you could even agree, Sindri was gone. You chuckled to yourself and began to clean up and get ready to be away for awhile. You said a spell over your newly planted seeds to keep them healthy and watered for the time being. Next you collected some clothes and supplies into a small satchel and picked up your sword. Its hilt was crafted from dwarven steel and the blade was made out of wood from a poison tree and wrapped in thorny vines. You slid it into its sheath on your back and headed to the nearest mystic gateway. 
---
Kratos, Atreus, and Mimir had just returned from freeing the Hafgufa from Vanaheim. There was a trail of sand following behind them.
“I’m really glad we got to set the Hafgufas free, but I don’t think I wanna go to any realms with sand for a while…” Atreus stated as he brushed some sand from his hair
“Aye, I’ve got sand in me neck stump!” Mimir shared Atreus’ disdain for feeling sand in every crevice imaginable. The sound of the front doors opening pulled the men’s attention from their current discomfort.
You took a few steps through the front door before you stopped in your tracks as you locked eyes with perhaps the most invigorating man you’ve ever seen. You hadn’t expected to see anyone else at the house, let alone someone so tantalizing. It felt as if all the breath was stolen from your lungs as you looked deep into his amber eyes. The scowl the man had on his face only a second before had noticeably softened now. It was as if the two of you were the only people in all the nine realms at that moment. After what felt like years of staring into this man’s soul through his eyes, it was cut short as sound filled the air. 
“Y/n! About time I saw you again.” Brok greeted you as he walked out from behind the counter of the workshop. You held your gaze with the giant man for just one more second before reluctantly tearing your eyes away to greet Brok. 
This was no big deal, you just had to act like you hadn’t just seen the most attractive and magnetizing person in your entire life… If you didn’t believe in love at first sight before, you sure as Hel believed in it now.
“It’s really great to see you, Brok.” You smiled at the blue dwarf and bent down to engulf him in a hug. You could only hope that he couldn’t feel your heart pounding in your chest. 
Although your back was turned, you could feel the man's eyes on your body. You stood up straight and took a deep breath, readying yourself to speak to the handsome stranger. You turned towards him and held out your hand to greet him as you found yourself drawn to his eyes once again. 
“Hi, I’m (y/n).” You introduced yourself. The man glanced down at your hand and then back at you. He reached his hand out to grasp yours in a surprisingly gentle handshake. 
“Kratos.” is all he said. The sound of his voice was better than anything you imagined. You could have melted into a puddle of goo at that very moment. 
“Kratos.” You smiled as you repeated his name. “It’s very nice to meet you.” You said, letting go of his hand, missing the warmth of his body heat immediately. You looked to your right to see a teenage boy. You had almost missed him in all the feelings and thoughts swirling around in your head. 
Kratos placed a hand on the boy's shoulder, “This is my son, Atreus.” 
You reached your hand out to greet Atreus as well, “It’s very nice to meet you too!” you smiled at the boy. He returned your smile and shook your hand, with much more grip and enthusiasm than his father.
“Good to meet you as well! So, how do you know Sindri?” Atreus asked, assuming only people close to the dwarf would be allowed access into his home. You chuckled slightly, thinking he was joking around. When he glanced around awkwardly you realized how serious he was. 
“Oh…” you started, confusion showing on your face, but it soon turned to agitation. “Oh my gods.” You quickly turned your head to Brok. “He… He doesn’t talk about me?” You practically yelled in astonishment. 
“Hey, don’t take it out on me… But, uh, let me take a look at yer sword.” Brok knew just how to evade your annoyance. You took out your sword and set it down on the workshop table with a scoff as you repeated your words with disbelief, “He doesn’t talk about me…” 
Kratos and Atreus silently exchanged glances to each other as they were left guessing how you and Sindri were acquainted. One situation in particular was swirling around Kratos’ mind, that you were romantically involved with the dwarf. Disappointment had crept up onto him as he began to entertain this thought. 
“Uhm… Are you and Sindri, like… dating?” Atreus awkwardly asked you, staring at his own feet to avoid your gaze. 
“No! Oh, no, not at all! He raised me!” You had been so lost in your annoyance that you never answered the boy's question. 
Kratos felt relief wash over him. He wasn’t sure why he was relieved, or why he cared if you had been something more than a friend or family member to Sindri. He had just met you, he should not be having these types of thoughts or feelings about anyone, let alone a stranger.
“Ohhh!” Atreus chuckled a little, finally looking up at you again. “Wait- Sindri had a kid?” He glanced at his father and then back to you. “Are you-”
You cut Atreus off before things could get awkward again, “No, I’m like an adopted sibling he never wanted.” you cleared the air. 
Seemingly right on cue, Sindri entered the house.
“Oh! I didn’t realize you three would be back already...” Sindri shifted his weight from side to side, seemingly unprepared to introduce you to his guests. But his awkward demeanor soon switched to panic as he noticed the pool of sand in his house. 
“Really?!” Sindri sighed loudly as he fetched a broom from a nearby closet. “You two, get outside!” He commanded Kratos and Atreus, pushing the broom at their heels to rush them out of his previously pristine house. 
Once the duo had been escorted outside, Sindri shot them a warning, “And do NOT come back in until you are sand-free!”
Sindri propped the front doors open and began to sweep the sand out of the house. You were left watching the entire ordeal with a slightly amused look on your face. You figured you could give Sindri shit later for not telling his friends about you, he had enough on his plate for the time being. For now, your gaze drifted back towards Kratos.
“Uhm, I’m gonna go take a bath.” Atreus notified his father before turning his back to walk through a small wooden gate on the side of the house to clean up. 
Kratos grumbled slightly and unhooked Mimir from his belt, setting him down on the bottom step of the stairs leading into the house. He then proceeded to take off each piece of his armor and shake the sand out from them. You took your time to look over his upper body. Your eyes trailed the bright red tattoo, from the sharp edge on his face to the swirl on his bicep, and the curve on his abdomen. You couldn’t help admiring his muscular physique and taking note of the large scar on his stomach, and a smaller one over his eye. 
“Alright, quit yer drooling.” Brok’s voice snapped you back into reality. He set down your sword on the counter in between the two of you.
You whipped your head towards the dwarf, a soft pink blush falling over your cheeks. 
“Fuck off, I was not drooling…” You defended yourself, snatching your sword back. You took a moment to look over Brok’s upgrades before returning it to its sheath.
“Whatever you say, princess.” Brok teased you further. 
You rolled your eyes and started to walk down the steps outside. You were careful not to make any more of a mess for Sindri, but not careful enough to notice a severed head on the very last step. In your effort to avoid stepping on the head, you tripped over your own two feet. Instead of feeling the harsh impact of the ground, you felt a warm hand on your upper arm. You looked up to see Kratos holding onto you. His piercing brown eyes were staring right into your soul, again. You felt your heart rate pick up, you opened your mouth to speak but no words came out. His grip loosened on you and he returned his hand to his side. 
“You should be more careful.” Kratos advised you. 
“Yeah- uhm, I’m sorry about that.” You turned to the severed head on the steps, “I’m really sorry, I didn’t see you there.”
“Ah, don’t worry about it. It’s the big oaf’s fault for settin’ me down there.” The head was surprisingly forgiving of your clumsiness. A tinge of pink settled across your cheeks as you looked back to Kratos. The man just grunted in response to the head. 
“I’m Mimir, it’s nice to meet you.” The head introduced himself at last. You sat down on the steps next to Mimir. 
“Right back at’cha. I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself earlier.” You felt guilt for over-looking him earlier. Although, you did overlook just about everyone except for Kratos… 
“Don’t even mention it. How could ya have seen me?” Mimir continued to joke at the expense of Kratos. A smile spread across your face. Before you could continue your conversation, a voice rang out.
“Master (y/n)!” A familiar voice entered your eardrums, Ratatoskr. A small sigh escaped your lips as you stood up. 
“Duty calls.” You announced. “I’ll see you two around.” You gave a smile to Mimir and a wave to Kratos before walking over to speak with the abnormally large squirrel. It was time to find out what exactly you’ll be helping him with. 
Kratos’ gaze followed you as you walked away from him. His eyes raked over your figure, memorizing the way you walked and how your hips moved with each step. 
“Father?” Atreus’ voice interrupted his thoughts.
“Hm?” Kratos turned his attention to his son and continued to shake the last of the sand out of his waist armor. 
“I was just saying that the bath is ready for you, and I can clean up out here.” Atreus shifted his gaze between Mimir and his father. Kratos simply nodded his head, dropping the armor he was holding and headed to get himself cleaned up. 
Atreus began to gather the armor from the ground. “Uhh, do you think he’s acting a little… weird today?” 
“I think he might be a wee bit tired from all the traveling, lad. Speaking of, would you mind helping me clean up a bit?” 
“Sure, no problem Mimir.” Atreus smiled and got to work. 
---
You spent the next few hours getting a tour of the World Tree and extremely detailed instructions from Ratatoskr on how to care for it. He explained how to prune the branches, what limbs held which realms, what you should never touch, the list went on and on. Your head was so filled with new information it felt like your brain was going to explode. You walked into the house just as it was getting dark outside after finally being relieved for the evening. Even though the realm between realms doesn’t have a sun and a moon, it was still nice to have it simulate days and nights, so as to not lose track of time. The scent of meat and spices filled your nostrils, Brok was in the kitchen stirring a large pot, of what you assume was dinner. 
“That smells amazing.” You said, walking towards Brok. You stopped in front of the giant pot and picked up a spoon to give the stew a taste test. “Tastes amazing too.” 
“It ain’t ready yet.” Brok snatched the spoon out of your hand. You put your hands up in defense.
“Sorry, I guess I’ll just wait then… and never compliment you again.” you turned your back and headed to where you used to sleep growing up.
“Wait, that’s-” Before Brok could finish his warning, you opened the door to be greeted by Kratos sitting on the side of a makeshift bed. The only item of clothing he had on was dark brown pants. He almost looked like a different person without all his armor on. There was even more scarring hiding under his wrist armor, it looked like chains had been branded onto his forearms.
“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were staying in here.” You apologized for intruding. 
Kratos looked up to meet your gaze, “It is fine.”
You gave him a small smile and looked around the room, “This place hasn’t changed much. I used to stay in this room when I was younger.” You leaned against the wall as a flood of memories entered your mind. 
“You can have the room if you wish.” Kratos said as he stood up with a slight grunt. 
“No, I couldn’t kick you out of your room. You probably need it more than me. Plus, the chair out there is pretty comfy.” You assured him.
“Mh… Let me know if you change your mind.” He began to wrap some red cloth around his forearms. 
“So, how did you come to have a talking severed head as your companion?” You questioned him.
“I cut it off.” Kratos replied to you plainly. 
“Huh?” You had confusion written all over your face.
“He was trapped. Imprisoned in a tree and tortured everyday. He asked me to cut off his head to free him. So I did.” Kratos further explained. 
“Oh, that’s actually really kind of you.” You said, reflecting on the odd, but thoughtful, request.
Kratos grunted in response.
Just as you were about to ask him more about himself, you heard Brok announce that dinner was ready. You gave Kratos one more look over. His lack of clothing was incredibly inviting, but you were hungry and tired. 
“I’ll see you out there.” You excused yourself and walked out to the table to sit down and get some food. 
---
Dinner was nice and casual, there was no residual awkwardness from the days prior events. You got to know more about Atreus, that boy really likes to talk. He was going on about the different types of monsters he’s fought with his dad. He seemed the most proud of defeating a huge electric dragon a few years ago. The most surprising detail of the story was that Sindri utilized one of the dragon’s teeth to enhance Atreus’ bow. Swapping stories around the dinner table made the time go by far too fast for your liking. It felt like the six of you had been friends for a lifetime. When the conversation had died down, you stood up and collected the empty plates. You made your way to the kitchen to wash up while Kratos and Atreus went into their respective rooms.
“I can get that, you should get some rest.” Sindri’s voice came from behind you. You turned your head to look at him.
“No, I really don’t mind!” You insisted, turning on the water. 
“Okay… Well, to be honest I don’t trust anyone else washing the dishes but me.” Sindri admitted. 
“Mmmh, the truth comes out.” You chuckled and stepped away from the sink. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
“You just rest. You’ve done a lot for me today… Thank you.” Sindri gave you a small smile and got started on cleaning up. 
You had an idea brewing in your mind. You couldn’t get your mind off of Kratos. You just wanted to know more about him, he was all you could think of. You found a spare piece of paper, scribbled down a note, slipped it under Kratos’ door and made yourself scarce. 
“Brother, someone’s slipped a note under your door.” Mimir alerted Kratos, who was laying down on his makeshift bed. He pulled the weight of himself up with a slight grunt and walked over to where the note was. He bent down and picked it up, unfolding it carefully. 
Meet me at the side of the house. 
Kratos furrowed his brows and let out a confused grumble. He set the note down on a crate near his bed and stepped out of his room. 
“Aye, what did it say??” Mimir questioned, but the only response he got was the sound of the door closing and heavy footsteps leading further and further away. 
You were sitting on a barrel, leaning your back against the side of the house and nervously tapping your fingertips on your thigh. You heard the front door open and close, causing you to spring to your feet and run a hand through your hair to tame any fly-aways. You watched as Kratos entered through the side gate, latching it behind him. Your heartbeat started to increase with each step he took toward you. He stopped a few feet away from you.
“You wanted to see me?” Kratos spoke with a hint of confusion laced in his words.
“Yeah, I did…” You took a step toward him, taking in a deep breath before looking up into his eyes. “I’ve really enjoyed talking to you, and I just wanna know you better.” You confessed your infatuation with the man.
“What would you wish to know?” Kratos asked you. 
“Everything?” You responded, taking another step closer to him, leaving only a few inches of space in between you.
“Mh… That may take awhile.” Kratos looked down at you, his chest steadily rising and falling with each breath he took. It was beyond your grasp how he could remain so calm and stoic, but it made you want him more than ever. 
“I have time.” You told him with a small smile. You lifted your hand from your side and carefully placed it on Kratos’ cheek, right where his beard began to sprout. You looked in his eyes for any signs of hesitation, but you found none. You leaned up on your tippy toes and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. 
You leaned back just a few centimeters from him and opened your eyes. He hadn’t moved a muscle, it was like you had kissed a statue. Kratos had a look of surprise and confusion sprawled across his face. His eyes were raking over your facial features, searching for any hint of disgust. He was waiting for you to shove him away, to start laughing at him. He was expecting to hear you question who would ever want to touch a monster like him. But you were just staring right back at him, looking increasingly worried by the second. 
“Are you okay?” You spoke, barely above a whisper. Had you broken him? Did he not like you? Was he trying to find a way to let you down without hurting your feelings? Your embarrassment started to manifest itself as redness across your cheeks, darkening with each moment of silence that passed. 
Kratos nodded ever so slightly and one of his hands ghosted just above your hip, barely making contact with your body. 
You placed your free hand on top of his, encouraging him to make full contact with you. You placed both of your hands on either side of his face and kissed him again. Only this time, you weren’t as gentle. You started with a firm kiss and then began to move your lips against his, trying to encourage him to kiss you back. You felt his hand on your hip pull you closer to his body and then you finally felt his lips start to move against yours. He dipped his head down so you didn’t have to strain to reach his lips. You couldn’t hold back a faint moan erupting from your throat as you wrapped your arms around his neck, trying to get even closer to Kratos. He now placed both his hands on your hips, tilting his head slightly to the side to deepen the kiss. After a few more moments, you weren’t sure if it was a lack of oxygen, or if you were getting drunk off of the feeling of Kratos on you, but you were getting dizzy. You stopped kissing him and placed a hand on his chest to steady yourself and took a moment to catch your breath. Kratos watched you cautiously, he gently brushed a strand of hair out of your face with the back of his hand. Your face was flushed pink and your lips were wet with the mix of both of your saliva. He hadn’t had any feelings like this in a long, long time. 
“Uhm…” You looked up at Kratos, pleasantly surprised to see he was watching you carefully, “Would you wanna get a drink with me sometime?” 
For the first time you saw the man’s cheeks firm up into a slight smile and heard the sweet sound of a chuckle escape his lips. 
“Why don’t we go now?” He proposed.
You nodded in response, “Yeah, that sounds great.” You smiled back at him, not caring if you looked like a complete idiot. 
“Let us go then.” He declared, walking towards the gate and holding it open for you.
“Okay, I know just the place.” You walked through the small wooden gate and excitedly waited for Kratos to catch up to you at the mystic gateway. 
---
A/N: Thank you for reading! I very well may do a part two to this story. Feedback and interaction helps me know if you want me to continue!
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