#scretladyspider writes

[scretladyspider]

Let’s talk about what demisexuality

Very basically, demisexuality describes a sexual orientation in which a person does not experience sexual attraction to anyone of any gender unless a close bond is formed. This does not mean they are attracted to everyone they are bonded with, nor is it just abstaining from sex.

Abstinence is a choice anyone of any sexual orientation can make, and is a choice about sexual behavior. Celibacy is also a choice anyone of any sexual orientation can make, and is a choice about sexual behavior. Both are often confused for asexuality, but asexuality is a sexual orientation which describes a spectrum of little to no sexual attraction, and sexual behavior for aces can vary from ace to ace.

Demisexuality describes how attraction is formed, rather than who it is towards. For this reason many demisexuals choose to delineate their romantic orientation separately. For example if I’m romantically attracted to the same gender, I would be a homoromantic demisexual.

This is predicated on the idea of splitting romantic, sexual, and even tertiary attractions via the Split Attraction Model, or SAM. While many demisexuals us the SAM, not all do nor is it required.

Demisexuals can be any romantic orientation. This means a demisexual may or may not be aromantic or alloromantic. Demisexuals aren’t necessarily demiromantic; demiromantics aren’t necessarily demisexual.

Demisexuality exists under the spectrum of asexuality because it describes sexual attraction that is only experienced under a specific condition and context. The term originated on forums discussing the gray area of asexuality on @avenpt forums between 2003-2006. The rumor that it was started for a fictional character for a role play isn’t true; the link in this paragraph has citations and screenshots showing where it was originally coined.

Being demisexual doesn’t automatically mean that you’re sex favorable. This misconception stems from the idea that “all women are demisexual”, which misconstrues the spectrums of gender and asexuality, and also robs allosexual women and feminine people of their sexual autonomy. Choosing to not have sex until you trust the person isn’t the same as not experiencing sexual attraction to anyone at all until a specific bond forms, and not with every bond. The perception that only women would ever wait until there’s trust to have sex isn’t true either; anyone of any sexual orientation and gender can make that choice.

The more common misconceptions about demisexuality, and asexuality as a whole, are largely based in ideals around conservative Evangelical Christianity; that is to say the heteronormative notion that women and feminine people are inherently “more” asexual than our male counterparts. This is false. Not only is demisexuality’s existence (and asexuality’s existence) not predicated on gender, it is an experience of conditional sexual attraction, not sexual behavior or action. This view is dehumanizing and plays into seeing women and feminine people as objects whose sexuality only exists for the pleasure of others instead of complex people. In addition it boils men and masculine people down to only desiring sex for its carnal pleasure, rather than viewing them as whole people, and erases the experiences of ace men and masculine people.

Anyone can be ace; anyone can be demisexual. Aces can also have and enjoy sex for a variety of reasons. While many don’t have sex, it’s not true as a rule. Aces can have and enjoy sex, or not have sex at all.

I hope if you’re demisexual, you’re having a great day and you feel valid about yourself! Because you are.

#demisexuality #demisexual #demisexual pride #asexuality #asexual #asexuality spectrum #asexual spectrum #asexual stuff #lgbtqia #queer #split attraction model #sexuality #text #scretladyspider writes #ace #acespec

[scretladyspider]

“People of all queer orientations and genders have to deal with heteronormativity at some point…. It is nonsensical to think that a person who is asexual, aromantic, or one of the orientations housed under these umbrellas doesn’t or couldn’t experience harm at the hands of heteronormativity or isn’t at risk of it. If we aren’t experiencing sexual or romantic attraction, or we’re experiencing it rarely, and are being told that we need to reproduce and get married by the entire world, even to the point that those who do not experience sexual attraction have only very recently stopped being pathologized in the DSM-V, then of course we’re experiencing harm from heteronormativity. In a world where the average person with any kind of neurodivergency doesn’t get diagnosed for years if they don’t fit an exact stereotype and racism is still heavily prevalent in medicine, there are many psychiatrists who haven’t truly read the DSM-V or taken its changes into account. If asexuality was, until very recently, diagnosed as a disorder and can still be diagnosed as a disorder if a person cannot say if they have always been asexual, then of course we’re also experiencing harm at the hands of heteronormativity.”

read full essay here

#asexuel #aromantic #aroace #lgbtqia #queer #demisexual #demiromantic #graysexual #grayromantic #acespec #arospec #asexual #asexual spectrum #asexual stuff #aromanticism #aromantic asexual #aromantic spectrum #aromantic community #writing #scretladyspider writes #essay #blog post

[scretladyspider]

Via my Instagram (scretladyspider) — I have an announcement…in 2023 a book about demisexuality will be coming your way in conjunction with Jessica Kingsley Books! I’ll still be writing essays over on patreon &medium.(patreon.com/scretladyspider or my linktree (find stuff on my pinned post on tumblr) if you want to keep up!) I can’t believe it!!! Thank everyone enough for reading my essays, for sharing them, for your support on Patreon, just… this feels like a happy fever dream. It hasn’t hit yet. There’s gonna be a BOOK. I’m gonna write a BOOK. I’m gonna write a book that I wish I’d had ten years ago. What is LIFE

ID: Elle, a white nonbinary individual who presents as femme, looking at the camera and smiling. Her hair is down, shoulder length, and dyed blonde. Her eyes are blue. She is wearing a T shirt with Mothman the famous cryptid. //end ID//

#demisexual #demisexuality #graysexual #graysexuality #asexual #asexuality #lgbtqia #queer #lgbtqia+ #a is not for ally #ace #writer #book #announcement

[scretladyspider]

Self Injury Help 

Cutting. It's an old habit of mine that I still sometimes struggle with, but I've learned a lot of different things to help me cope in healthier ways over the years. I hope this helps someone else, too. 

Hotlines: National Suicide Hotline: [phone] Online Chat: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline... Crisis Text Line: Text SUPPORT to 741-741 (24/7). Our trained counselors can discuss anything that's on your mind. Free, 24/7, confidential. The Trevor Project Call 866-488-7386 (24/7) Live Chat with the Trevor Project (Fridays 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM EST) National Runaway Safeline Call 1-800-786-2929 (24/7) Live Chat 7 days/week, 4:30 to 11:30 PM CST *1-800-273-TALK – A 24-hour crisis hotline if you're about to self-harm or are in an emergency situation. *To Write Love On Her Arms (http://www.TWLOHA.com) - A non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide. *1-800-SUICIDE – Hotline for people contemplating suicide. *1-800-334-HELP – Self Injury Foundation's 24-hour national crisis line. *1-800-799-SAFE – Domestic violence hotline. *1-877-332-7333 – Real Help For Teens' help line.

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#self harm #cutting #depression #bpd #ptsd #cptsd #self injury #help #hotlines #mental health #mental illness #for some reason i felt like someone needed this today