#saw a really dumb post and i had to go and get some research for you all

[cuntboysupremacy]

happy international women's day this is a special message to my fellow trans men to support and have solidarity with trans women and to stop talking to and about them the way cis mras talk to and about cis women.

transmisogyny is alive and well and is literally killing our sisters, on this day of all days, we should be advocating for their liberation.

#saw a really dumb post and i had to go and get some research for you all #anyways #reminder that transandrophobia is not a real system of oppression #or transmisandry or whatever else you wanna call it #tw: transmisogyny

[ztarduzted]

So like the Illymation drama????

vile take I support illy like fully I don’t get the people who don’t rn

So like ok ok don’t get me wrong, illy isn’t like perfect 100% by any means but who is??? That one carrot and chocolate thing she said in her video could have been worded better but cmon, it’s really not that big of a deal, for the most part you out understand what she was saying. The video that TBYS posted wasn’t “criticism” the way that people are trying to say it was. People are trying to play it off as just a normal constructive criticism video, but if your “constructive criticism” includes like two whole minutes of making fun of someone’s appearance for no reason, I’m concerned. Illy’s response was a bit immature, but I understand where she’s coming from. She said not to send hate and to just take down that one video, not his whole platform, because it was damaging her reputation and mental health because TBYS never even tried to make a statement telling people not to harass illy and she got sent hate for it. People are blowing it way out of proportion saying she was trying to “deplatform him” when she just wanted one video taken down because it was causing her to be deplatformed, and she never even talked about it to her actual YouTube audience, just the small community on tumblr, then TBYS made two more hate filled videos and people just kept dog piling on her. If your gonna get mad at someone for “deplatforming” a known homophobe and transphobe, maybe practice what you preach. And alongside that, I know that some sources were shown in TBYS’s original videos, but there were no links in the descriptions, and absolutely nothing in any of the response videos I’ve seen. There was one video I saw just speculating that all of her doctors were dumb and lied to her, and TBYS also said that most doctors that specialize and make money from being good at nutrition were just wrong. Also, that one response video I mentioned tried to claim gym bros were better at health than licensed professionals???????? It just feels like this is all a massive, overblown hate campaign to a creator because of mistakes. There’s a difference between constructive criticism and just making fun of someone, and while some things that TBYS said were understandable, he made a point to straight up make fun of illy in the middle of his video, not even attempt to stop his fans from harassing illy, then when she replied (and barley received any backlash mind you), he blew up making more videos sending more and more hate and trying to ruin illy’s career. I know illy could have clarified that one point in her video and acted more maturely about the situation, but people are entirely overlooking the fact that TBYS was no where near “perfect” in this situation. (Also, final note, yes, you can absolutely be fat and healthy, saying otherwise is just wrong and makes no sense. Do your research before making half hour long videos making fun of someone)

I assume this drama will just die eventually and people will move on, but either way, I’m going to continue watching and supporting Illy no matter what. She’s a fantastic content creator, and when that video first came out (and there wasn’t some dude bro on the internet telling me it was bad) I absolutely loved at and had a great time watching it. It made me feel really good about myself (since I’ve been exercising daily and been working on myself a lot, but I’ve seen little to no weight loss despite eating healthy and going on a calorie deficit and working hard. It turns out I have something up with my thyroid, and along with that, part of it is just genetics.) I’d started feeling really bad and was trying to eat the bare minimum and it was making it harder to work out and I was feeling sick all the time. One day I was staying home because I felt sick, and I watched illy’s video. It’s not like one video is going to fix my relationship with food, but it has helped. I’m still not losing weight, but I’m getting stronger, feeling better, and eating healthier. Despite all this drama, illy’s videos have helped me feel more comfortable being myself and I will continue supporting her. And Illy, if you’re (somehow) seeing this, just know that there are some people that want to see you fail, but there are so so many more people that love you and your content.

#illymation #drama #youtube drama #rant #tw fatphobia

[fandomfluffandfuck]

i have to scream ab this somewhere bc ive just posted the first chapter of a new fic and im SO. EXCITED!!!!!

as well as this, i wanted to know - are you working on anything right now? if so, maybe you don't mind sharing a couple lines of dialogue as a teaser (bc i miss your writing alot especially after you can('t) teach an old dog new tricks)!! think of it as an ask game that i unofficially started lol.

hope ur doing good! xx

I just saw the post you made on your writing account for that, yeah!

I've had a very busy day, so I was hyped to log back onto Tumblr and see that! Hopefully, I can carve out some time to read it soon. It looks so, so good!!

"espresso" by bvckysarm

(Everyone better go read 😤)

Hell yeah, I'm always working on something 😏

Although, admittedly, it's nothing as long or grand as You Can('t) Teach An Old Dog New Tricks. I'm having fun messing around with short (for me) one-shots after spending, what,, five or six months on that series? I love it to death, I do, but, Jesus, yeah, over the length of the average novel, and half a year of writing (more than, behind the scenes, I'd been planning and researching for much, much longer)... I am relishing in noncommittal one-offs, haha.

Here's your teaser 😘

“Aw, you miss me, Stevie?” He needlessly teases, gripping his waist hard enough to bruise him like a soft, overripe peach.

“Uh-” Steve starts to answer him, but he’s cut off by a reverberating moan when Bucky shoves him back and viciously re-spears him on the fake cock he’s got suctioned to the wet, wet tile wall, “-huh.”

Steve stays slumped forward against him, clinging to him, shaking all over still, but now he clings harder; his blunt nails dig into Bucky’s skin and he hisses, enjoying the heat that shudders through his veins from the other man’s touch.

“Missed my cock, that’s what you missed,” Bucky husks into his ear, grabbing his little hips meaner, digging his fingers into his flesh, pushing him back tight onto the toy, making him fucking take it.

He gasps so cutely, so obscenely when his ass thickly presses to the cold tile—taking that toy to the wide, wide base, swallowing it whole—how could he not do it to him? Bucky just wants to fuck. ‘im. up. Vicious.

“M-missed, uunnhh, missed all a’you,” Steve protests weakly, pawing at him uselessly, not as weak and sweet as he thought. Not as weak and limp as he wants to get him—he wants to make him so fucking fuck-dumb.

“Nah, I don���t think you did,” Bucky’s grinning so wide, the muscles in his face already are starting to ache, sharp, “I think I’m just a cock with legs to you,” he tweaks one of Steve’s peaked nipples, just to admire how he shudders, “aren’t I? Isn’t that how it’s always been? Could barely get you off of my cock when you were smaller, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I never understood where you put it even though I could see it, bulging through your tummy, so tight and little around me.” Bucky presses his palm there now, dragging his nails down from the swell of his tits to his clenching abs. With the right angle, he can still do it, sometimes, he can spear Steve on his dick and bend him up in a cute little knot and see his dick through his stomach. Bulging. Thick and deep inside him, fucking him until he forgets how to beg for more.

Fucking him until he forgets his own name.

“Still, fuck, I couldn’t ever believe you could fit it in that tiny hole.” Bucky shakes his head, half in disbelief, half in predatory instinct, wanting to bite Steve and tear through him, shaking his head like a fucking dog with a toy, ravenous and slobbering, “then you went and got yourself all big and your need just got bigger, didn’t it, honey?”

“S-so did you, you guh-got bigger, too!” Steve whines, trying to retort but falling flat when he starts to pant, overwhelmed.

“I did,” Bucky purrs, grinding into his hip leisurely, enjoying how hot and feverish he is, God, he really worked himself up into a mess, didn’t he? “And ain’t that good for you, honey? Anything else and you’d’a died, ‘cause you need cock like you need air, don’t you, dollface?”

I hope you're excited for the rest 😈

#asks #bvckyysarm #fandomfluffandfuck #fic rec #bucky barnes #steve rogers #stucky

[rinadragomir]

Lucie Herondale's lawyer's response or why she's 1) not a bad parabatai 2) not too immature 3) not a "nepotism baby" who gets away with everything🔍 let's analyse

Defender mode activated since Lucie's haters' powers are growing🤺I also noticed you like my analysing posts, so let's get into it! Btw you can check my Matthew/Daisy post, I'm very proud of it☺️💅🏻If you don't wanna change your opinion - there's nothing I can do, it's your choice. But if you just interpreted some things/ character's motivation in a wrong way or you don't understand why this character is the way she is - I'll help you understand!😌✨

So! Today we'll defend my daughter and discuss some statements, that are quite popular here and on Twitter, which include her!🕵️

1) "I can't see her and Daisy being great parabatai, they don't even care about each other that much. And it seems like Lucie needs her more than Daisy needs Lucie."

Before I start my research I must admit that they didn't spend too much time together so it'd make sense if they become parabatai a bit later, so they have time to reveal all their secrets and discuss all they went through. And I believe that what's going to happen since CC announced the short story of their parabatai ceremony and it seems like it'll happen a bit after the end of CHOT😌

Don't you dare! Not after:

"Cordelia cares less than—" HELLO? Cordelia's absolutely terrified to lose her. Terrified. Same with Lulu. Btw @lekawi is the first Daisy/Lucie fan and half of these arguments are hers!!!! Giving credits 💅🏻🙇🏼‍♀️

Lucie's always there for Daisy, every time Daisy needs her, she's there. Except those times when she keeps a secret that she's hurt. But this trilogy is all about how secrets ruin your life😒

They keep secrets from each other and that's what makes it hard for them to become closer. Secrets are the biggest evil of these books but they still have time to fight them! These two loved each other almost their whole lives.

And about Lucie's Beautiful Cordelia which some people consider "unhealthy obsession"🤨 If you read the same books as I, you know that Lucie's writing that book not because "she's too obsessed", but because Cordelia's biggest fear is being alone. She didn't have any friends and even trained alone most of the time. This book gave Daisy that feeling like you're sitting next to your friend and listening to all these funny stories.

2) "She's just so naive and acts so immature, it's annoying. She's like a loud baby"

She's like the first (maybe the 2) person who openly talks with Matthew about his alcoholism, while all his friends prefer to ignore it, which is much easier. She did it kinda dirty, she wasn't too careful with her words, but she said the truth.

She didn't try to lie or hide her true feelings after Jesse found her book. She said what she really felt that moment. Lucie🤝Thomas being those 2 people who actually know how healthy relationship works like

She was ready to kill Jesse when she found out he's being controlled by Belial. She was wise and strong enough to understand that people's lives are more important than her young love.

She was the first person who saw that Matthew actually likes Cordelia👀

She's actually the only person who acknowledged the fact that her parents and friends don't see that Matthew is far from being okay because they don't actually wanna see it.

The only "immature" thing about her is that she doesn't know what goes after the kisses. But if that's your only criteria.... What's actually wrong with you? And what do you have against loud people?😑

3) "She lies to everyone, she does necromancy and then screams "Papa😣!" and her parents are already on their way and it seems like she doesn't know what consequences are. Everyone's suffering and she's just chilling"

I—

"Poor Alastair, he had such a shitty father, he deserves to have the best dad in the world, why does he have to go through all this shit all by himself?😓"

----------------------------------

"That dumb bitch Lucie's so annoying, like why her father is always there for her, trying to help her with everything, to give her the opportunity to live her best life, like???? She's so spoiled and her father just supports her? Ugh that's weird, why would he want her to be happy that's kinda stupid 🫤"

And the funniest thing is that it's said by the same people. I— I don't know how to explain it but: if your parents support you, help you with your problems and try to make your life as easy and happy as possible.... it's actually a good thing!👍

And idk where they found this "if the character doesn't suffer enough - it's not an interesting character" rule. But apparently they did. Listen, characters don't have to suffer but they have to go through struggles. Some characters, especially the main ones, usually suffer more. Some less. The main thing is not "who suffers more" it's not a competition, the main thing is the plot, the adventure, the growth of these characters.

Lucie knows, and she says about it at least twice in the second book☝🏻, that necromancy has a price. She knows about the consequences and she knows that raising Jesse has nothing to do with dark magic. That's why she did what she did. But unfortunately, we know that she'll have to pay the price anyway🙂. She'll face the consequences no matter what, there's still the whole book for her to suffer.

⚠️Light spoilers from the first 4 chapters of Chot, pls skip it if you don't wanna know anything ⚠️

She's even warning Malcolm about the price of necromancy in the chapter 2 or 3. It's not like she's considering it a game or a funny adventure. When Magnus/Will/James arrive and she wants to return to London with Jesse and explain everything to Clave - it's not because she's stupid but because as Magnus said "her heart is in the right place". She's mature enough to consider all the facts and try to be open-minded about things she doesn't clearly understand. But lots of people in Clave.... they're dumb and anything that is more complicated than 2+4 is a danger for them.

⚠️Spoilers ended ⚠️

In conclusion: Lucie's a brave strong girl who lives in a loving healthy family. She knows which things are right and which are wrong. She's not afraid to say what's really on her mind even tho sometimes she says before she thinks. She has a strong sense of justice and a kind soul🌼 (Remember when Malcolm says Grace uses her helplessness so men help her with anything she wants, and Lucie thought that men built such a world where women often have no choice but to ask men for help). She's always there for her friends and is really trying to be "that positive person"🥹She's not really experienced and sometimes she's not sure how to act in certain situations, but she's still so young and has lots of time to learn.

#JUSTICE_FOR_LUCIE #HOME_GIRLS_ARE_NOT_BORING 😡

#lucie herondale #cordelia carstairs #matthew fairchild #james herondale #will herondale #jesse blackthorn #tsc #tlh #chain of thorns #chain of iron #cassadra clare

[bellysoupset]

Hello! I love everything you've been posting lately!! ❤️ I have a request: Maybe Leo has a stressful day at court, and Jon doesn't want to worry him so when Leo gets home he finds Jonah with JD on the bed... hints that something's wrong? Or maybe Jon never shows up to a shift/is sent home and then we could get Wendy/Leo interactions? ~ 🐆

This one is some good, old cold sickfic, with loads of comfort. Really just a cozy fic.

----

Leo: I cannot wait to go home 😭

He pressed send and leaned in, rubbing his eyes until he saw stars. Everything that could possibly go wrong today, had done so. It had started with him missing his alarm and only waking up thanks to Jon's, an hour later than he should be.

He hadn't had breakfast until much later, had gotten yelled at by a snobby client who had a stick up their asses, had burned his tongue on his coffee and then proceeded to drop the little paper cup, only for it to be the last cup the machine produced for the rest of the day since it decided to break. Had gotten one of his researches sent back because of a minor, dumb mistake on his part and skipped lunch to work on it, only to get the surprise news he'd be joining during a court day, because Sandy, the other paralegal, was sick.

So now he was standing in the waiting room of the courthouse, with a headache from hunger and caffeine withdrawal, itching to piss, in a sour mood.

He stared at the phone screen, hoping Jonah would at least text back, so he wouldn't be bored to tears, but no such luck.

"What's wrong, Wagner?" Cole, one of the paralegals he actually liked, asked. Leo grimaced.

"This is taking forever," he whispered back and Cole let out a huff in agreement.

"You'd think rich people wouldn't argue for three months straight over who gets to keep a car, uh," he whispered, rolling his eyes and Leo couldn't help but agree with a chuckle.

By the time he finally got to go home, it was night already. At least he'd have a fat paycheck with all the extra hours, Leo thought, head pounding as he drove back to their building.

"Hi, Matt," Leo yawned against his fist, as he stopped on the first floor instead of going straight upstairs, a box of blueberry muffins in his hand, the other one holding a cardboard tray with three coffees, "got this for you," He planted the muffins and one of the coffees on the front desk.

"How many times do I have to say, Mr. Wagner, I cannot accept-"

"Oh no," Leo rolled his eyes, pushing the muffins across the desk, "it seems I forgot all these muffins here. I guess someone will have to eat them so they won't go to waste," he smiled cheekily, "have a good night, Matthew."

"Have a good night, Mr. Wag-"

"It's Leo!" he yelled back, already rushing to the elevator and receiving a fond eyeroll as an answer.

Since they lived on the second to last floor, Leo leaned against the elevator wall and almost fell asleep on the spot. He blinked awake with the DING! of the elevator arriving and dragged inside, hands shaking around his keys, thanks to the coffee withdrawal.

He expected JD to come running to meet him, Jonah to be in the living room binging the new true crime documentary series that was consuming his day and night...

But no.

Leo frowned, kicking off his shoes by the door and tugging at his tie as he entered the apartment, "Jon? JD?" he wondered if Jonah had left... But his car was in the garage, "Jonah, are you in the bath- Oh" he lowered his voice immediately upon walking in the bedroom.

Jonah was curled on his side, passed out and JD was snuggled up under his arm, her little head resting on his chin. Leo's heart plummeted straight to his stomach as he melted at the cuteness and he fished out his phone, taking a blurry picture.

The noise made their cat look up, open her blue eyes at him and then meow, causing Leo to cringe.

"No, JD, stay-" he whispered, "stay, don't mov-" she got up from her cocoon in Jonah's arms and trotted to him, meowing loudly as she hooked her claws on his pants, a sound he unmistakenly knew meant she was hungry.

Jonah stirred and opened his eyes, a hand blindly reaching out for JD, which caused Leo to smile even more.

"Looking for your teddy bear?"

"Uhm?" Jonah blinked at him, too sleepy to compute the teasing, "what time... What time is it?"

"Almost nine," Leo said bitterly, sitting on the bed and stripping his blazer, while JD climbed his lap and pawed his chest, asking for pets with an indignant meow, "hi, sweetheart."

"Hi," Jonah smiled lazily, even if he knew damn well Leo meant the kitten. He sat up against the headboard, rubbing his eyes, "fuck, when I went to sleep it was light out."

Leo raised his eyebrows, looking up from JD's innocent blue eyes, "light out? Straight after class...?" That was very uncanny, "are you feeling okay, babe?"

"Yeah," Jonah grimaced, still looking absolutely exhausted, "why did you just get home at 9 PM, Leo?"

"Court," he scoffed, falling on his side and resting his head on Jon's thigh, allowing JD to walk over him and sit on his chest, "it dragged. All that because of a fucking car."

Jonah let out a soft smile, "what model?"

"....Aston whatever?" Leo rolled his eyes, "doesn't matter."

"It kinda fucking matters if it was an Aston Martin, Leo," Jonah chuckled, petting his hair and then suddenly his whole body jerked with a sneeze as Jonah rushed to hide his face in the pillow.

Leo raised his head and JD jumped from his chest, walking to Jon to investigate the sudden noise.

"Jon?"

Three quick sneezes followed and then he straightened up, eyes teary with the effort, "I'm fine."

"Yeah, you're fine-" Leo leaned in, planting his hand to Jon's forehead. Heat met his hand, but nothing concerning, "I think you're feverish."

"Great," Jonah scoffed, forehead resting on his touch, "just great."

"Don't be pouty," Leo teased, smiling, "have you eaten anything?"

"Not since lunch," he yawned again, rubbing his eyes, "I'm not hungry..."

"Well, doctor Banks, I'll have you know you need to eat in order to take meds," Leo rolled his eyes, "So, soup or something else?"

Jonah let out a small scoff, pulling JD closer and curling up on his side, "whatever is easier," he kissed the top of JD's head, smiling as she snuggled closer with a small meow.

Leo could've melted on the spot, he wasn't even sure if he hadn't. His face burned and he cleared his throat, forcefully looking away, "okay... I'll check the fridge, be right back."

Soup was as bothersome as making anything else, so he figured it'd be soup. Leo was leaning against the counter, scrolling down his phone while he waited for the vegetables to boil over, when suddenly there was a weight on his back, Jonah draping himself over him.

"You left me all alone," Jon scoffed, voice muffled by his shoulder and Leo opened a smug smile, wrapping his hands around Jon's wrists and pulling him even closer.

"I don't think I've ever seen you with a cold," he said, turning his face to plant a kiss on his boyfriend's temple, pressed to his shoulder, "you're clingy."

"I'm not," Jonah mumbled, his voice scratchy, "you're just warm."

"Of course," Leo mocked, stirring the soup, "I didn't know what was your favorite soup, so it's just a mix match of all veggies we had."

"Uhm," Jonah shrugged, refusing to pull back, "I don't care, I'm not hungry."

"But you're not feeling queasy, are you?" Leo frowned, then let out a small relieved sigh when Jonah shook his head no.

"Just fucking exhausted... And my head hurts."

"Better this way," he turned around, so he could properly hug the other man and Jonah let out a little happy hum. Jon was taller than him, but by only a couple inches, and with Leo standing straight while he was hunched over, he could hide his face in the blonde's neck.

"No class for you tomorrow," Leo decided, feeling the steady heat pressed to his neck. It was a testament of how shitty Jon felt that he didn't put up a fight at all.

"Did you talk with your boss?" Jon mumbled, sounding sleepy.

"What about?"

"The promotion?"

"Nope," Leo's cheeks burned, "look, I'm not gonna bring it up. They normally give promotions out at the turn of the year, I won't press on it. It's just October."

"And if they don't?" Jonah shivered and Leo started rubbing his back.

"I appreciate the faith-"

"Shut up," Jon groaned, leaning more of his weight in and causing Leo's back to hit the handle of the pan. He moved them away from the stove, hiding a smile in Jon's mop of tight curls, "I meant, if they don't give you the promotion, you're leaving the firm for one that actually appreciates you, right? You're a lawyer, not a paralegal."

"And you, are sick," Leo grinned, pulling back so he could look him in the eyes, "stop worrying about this, Jon."

"I'm not worried," Jonah scrunched up his nose, looking offended, "I'm just saying, you deserve to be treated-"

"You're sweet, but I'm not having this conversation before January," Leo shut him up with a small kiss and Jonah let out an unhappy sigh.

"I think you should keep it in mind," Jon pulled on the collar of Leo's shirt, "I'm gonna get you sick."

"Yeah, we're way past that," Leo bumped his nose with his, then turned back around, "soup's almost ready, you want to eat in the dining table or bed?"

"I have the sniffles, I'm not in a retirement home," Jonah scoffed, before immediately being hit by a coughing fit, "di-dining room."

Leo couldn't help but chuckle, filling up both bowls for them and bringing it to the dining room. Very rarely they bothered with a table cloth, but Jonah always made him use a rest under the plate. Whatever for, Leo wasn't sure, considering there was a thick glass on top of the table top, to protect the rich wood.

He had noticed it before, Jonah had manners ingrained deeply into him, but they came out in the worst way possible, making him seem more rude, instead of polite.

Leo wasn't aware he was starving, until he started to eat. He had forgotten to salt the soup, but that didn't stop him from eating half the bowl before he had the spirit to get up and grab the seasoning. He took his plate back with him to the kitchen and filled it up, sprinkling some salt and pepper and top and grabbing shredded cheese in the fridge on his way back to the table.

Jonah was stirring his soup lazily, he had barely drained three or four spoonful's and had a grimace on his face.

"I forgot to add salt," Leo said, planting it before his boyfriend and the other man shrugged, glancing up.

"I don't feel like eating..." His head was resting on his hand and Leo let out a heavy sigh.

"C'mon, Jon, at least half the bowl... You can't take the meds otherwise."

"That's bull," Jonah groaned, rubbing his sore eyes and sniffling, forcefully clearing his throat. When he spoke again, his voice was a raspy whisper, "I wanna go back to bed."

"Eat just a little more, baby," Leo bargained, putting his soup aside and scooting his chair closer, "c'mon, you know you'll get nauseous if you don't have anything in your tummy later."

"Tummy," Jon's lips curled up in an amused smile and he nodded, obediently forcing down four more spoonful's, before dropping the cutlery back on the bowl with a metallic clank, "I'm done."

"Dammit, Jon..." the blonde said quietly, but then Jonah pulled his chair closer and rested his cheek on Leo's shoulder, muffling a cough on his fist, "I'll be fast..."

"No, it's fine," Jonah mumbled, nuzzling his neck, "take your time finishing, I'm fine."

It was so very out of character for Jon to be this gracious, it caused Leo to snort. He started to eat back up, only for Jonah to let out a little hum five minutes later.

"Yours smells better than mine," he said quietly, so Leo changed the path of this spoonful he was bringing to his own mouth, directing it to his boyfriend's.

Jonah dutifully opened his mouth, letting out a content sigh and Leo bit down an amused smile. He was never letting him live it down.

All in all, even though it took him nearly thirty minutes, Leo managed to feed Jonah another half bowl, probably contracting his cold while doing it.

He pressed a kiss to the other man's feverish forehead, "okay, bed now, you're sleeping on me."

"I'm... not," Jon yawned, blinking heavily, "I'm so warm."

"I wonder why," Leo teased, grabbing his arm and hoisting Jonah up, "c''mon, just stay awake a little longer."

"Cuddle?"

"I need to clean up the kitchen..."

"Leave it," Jonah stumbled inside their bedroom, falling face first in the bed and nearly taking Leo with him, a fistful of his shirt squeeze in his hand, "cuddle."

"You're the cutest thing when you have a cold," Leo grinned, climbing in and wrapping himself around the other man, "I might just start giving you colds on purpose."

"You're a terrible person," Jonah sighed, guiding Leo's hand up to his head and closing his eyes, a smile painting his lips as his hair started to be petted, "but I love you."

#sickfic #colds #fever #jonah banks #cuteness #🐆 anon #mywriting

[hypergamiss]

how do you get over thinking that your dreams are unrealistic? And starting things halfway but never finishing due to insecurity/self sabotage? I’ve had a desire to live in Russia since I was a kid and saw the st. Basils cathedral, and I have been learning Russian on and off but recently I’ve started to get serious. I’ve been researching about foreigners living in Russia and everything I learned has been great so far. I know what my passion is, I love writing, about anything really, politics, history, pop culture, etc. I am lucky that I’ve found my passion and talent already, but I worry my dreams are “too big”. I did research on my dream job, working at Russia Today in Moscow, they said they’re looking for someone w a passion for writing, international news, and to make social media/documentary content. Aka me in a nutshell. I want to continue to write a blog on substack, (started but barely post) and create a podcast to interview ppl on, go back to making infographics on instagram (I have about 4k followers rn but I haven’t posted in a year due to dumb insecurities) and also continue to finish the documentaries I started making. A lot of my issues stem from self sabotage, and issues w self worth/esteem. The internet is genuinely a great place to grow, and build yourself, learn sm languages, and great opportunities, but my self esteem issues are holding me back. I feel like I’m not worthy of these things, probably due to how I was treated in childhood (interests being made fun of, emotional abuse, etc.) I want to get over it however, I’m a grown adult now. I have everything I need in front of me, but I can’t seem to do anything ): please help.

First off, Russia since childhood and a passion for writing – that's not unrealistic, that's AWESOME. You've done your research, you know what your dream job looks like, and you even have a social media following ready to go. You're further ahead than most people who only have vague notions of what they want.

Now, about that inner critic: Childhood crap leaves scars and that voice telling you you're not worthy? It's lying to you. You're a grown-up now, and you get to rewrite the script. That starts with small steps:

Just ONE thing: Pick ONE project to finish – your blog, those documentaries, whatever calls to you most. Don't overwhelm yourself.

Tiny Commitments: Not "finish the blog," but "write for 15 minutes today." Small wins build confidence and you're finished before you know it!

Your Inner Cheerleader: Every time the negative voices start, counter with ONE positive statement about yourself. Sounds cheesy, but it retrains your brain.

Here's the thing: You're not alone! Self-sabotage is a beast, but there are tons of resources online. Look up stuff on limiting beliefs, and imposter syndrome – it'll help you understand that voice in your head isn't the real you. If you can get a therapist to help you work even further through everything I highly recommend it!

It's a journey, not a sprint. Some days you'll rock it, others you might stumble. That's okay! Progress matters more than perfection. Think of those documentaries you want to make. This journey of overcoming your insecurities and building your dream life? That's a story worth telling, and guess what – YOU are the main character. Now go write your next chapter!

[danoshanter]

Wait ... they're - WHAT? : A Tale of the Khell'Zentii Research Directorate

This is not the whole story, but I'll give you a link to the thread where I'm posting the story as it unfolds. This is an AAR from the Stellaris game, that I as a crazy writer all the rest of it I've been splattering all over Tumblr the last few, have turned into a story. Contained in this post is the first installment, and a hint that the next installments actually ratchet up the humour quotient and get some descriptive writing in that I'm actually not at all displeased with; following that is a link to the Stellaris game AAR forum on the game company (Paradox)'s website where I am posting subsequent episodes as things become interesting enough in the game to spark a story that I can actually include enough timeline before and after that ... anyway, I just realized that though this is a bit long it really is only leadup to the first revelation, so I'll include first and second installments (I'm up to I think four so far)

:FIRST POSTING:

=========================================

Chief Research Director Arani Khell'Bizar slowly .... ever so slowly ... sank her aching head into her cupped hands. Very slowly, and trying not to be too obvious about it. The subprefectoral attaché who’d been sent over without warning or procedure from Third Under-secretary Brael’yn’s Interstellar Astrogation Department (Riparian Office, Dark Quark Hyperlane Currents Mapping Subdivision, and a few other categories, subcategories, subsubcategories, and subsubsubadnauseam,etc.), and who was currently bouncing off the walls of her meditation chamber, knocking the teaware and beakers all over the place with his flailing arms and raving at her, was obviously highly unstable. Wildly excited. Any usable data irretrievably corrupted by his emotion over … over … well, something or other ... and just a LITTLE incoherent in consequence. That was all. The man wasn't DELIBERATELY trying to make her already gigaparsec-sized headache any worse than it already was. He was just ... She paused, took a breath and sighed.

She tried. She really did. She tried to be so patient with all the echelons, from highest senatorial level department head all the way down to lowest titration pipette scrubber. And look what it got her. She really, truly, deep down in her fundamentally decent soul, really BELIEVED in the Credo. And that was the true beginning of the problem. She left herself too open, too vulnerable. No one, from absolute alpha to the meanest of the most abject omega, even respected her SELF, much less her time, her personal space or the dignity of her elected office. They all just saw her as ... she didn't know what. Someone safe though. Someone so lofty, and therefore paradoxically so inconsequential and objectified, that it was OK to waste her time for twenty minutes with an incoherent, emotional, IRRATIONAL outburst that still hadn't enlightened her as to any actual data, OR any actual poetic truths, except that the ISS D'oh was somehow involved. That was absolutely all she had to go o...

.

​

… as that thought brought up memories of all the particularly hellish last few days ... weeks ... months ... years, essentially every single moment since she was first elected, of nothing but trials, challenges, and testpad disasters trying to get this fragile interstellar nation off the ground of one single planet, when up until a decade ago her people hadn't even known hyperluminary interstellar travel was even possible; all the damn fool press releases claiming ... again ... "WE'VE FOUND OTHER SAPIENT LIFE!"; all the shamefaced, very quietly soft=floated followups that, "Um ... Well, yeah, it's ... ah, it's life all right, Jim, but I'm afriad it's just dumb as a box of rocks again and that's all there is to it. Ah... -- Sorry ..." ... ... And now, at the end of a very bad day dealing with the fallout of yet another false alarm of other sapient life being discovered out there by the very same dear but omniverse-shatteringly ANNOYING childhood friend who was currently trying to drive her to madness sending her low level couriers who are absolutely and completely incapable of framing a coherent, logical …

"attaché?"

(Incoherent response)

"attachÉ!"

(What>I>if>the D'oh>the transmiss...>ohmyGODS>...what?)

"this won't work. you are too involved. it impairs the efficiency of your communication. tell Braelie to come and tell me herself."

(But>what>wait>NO!>she specifically ordered … )

"attaché."

(Wh>sh>yes?)

"am I currently Chief Research Director of the Interstellar Khell'Zenti Confederation?"

(Well>b>yes m'…)

pardon?”

(Ah>ah> … )

“its very simple. classic binary reasoning. nothing more involved than that. am. I. currently Chief Research Director. or. am I not? yes/no, on/off, 1/0.”

(Ah>m>ah>0>ah>imean>Yes)

"did you vote for me?"

I>wh>what doe...>...>...> *gulpbreathgulp* "Yes, Director. I did."

*3.141592653589793238 millisecond pause*

"... braelie. "

-- *Same pause x 10* ...​

"NOW."

============================================================= :END FIRST POSTING: ===========================================================================================================================

​

:SECOND POSTING:: ==================================================================== "Director?" Arani paused to reflect that that was probably one of the things she appreciated most about her chief of staff. Bruustian perfectly epitomized the Khell'Zentaii ideal of taking an absolutely calm and rational and at the same time poetically stylish approach to all that one did; to combine within oneself the clear-eyed zeal and the calm abandon of the warrior-poets and the poet-warriors of old. He was a pool of calm water within the swirling maelstrom of the tabik wave around him. All the other raving idiots she was forced to deal with on a daily basis were so flustered by her office that she was lucky if they confined themselves to "Chief Research Director", and didn't throw in some bizarre politicohierarchical grooming ritual of tangled compliments and obscure metaphorical references likening her to the world-elephant that held up the scientific universe from her ivory throne at the pinnacle of the Kkell'Zentaii mountain, and on and on they would flourish while her eyeballs nearly cracked trying not to glaze over, all the while the window of opportunity for whatever wonderfulness it was was inexorably and often rapidly closing every millimuon they nattered on with their floridity. Bruustian, no. HE just called her, "Director", and got the flaming fluctacte on with ... "Director???" She allowed her left shoulder to startle slightly. "Yes, Primus?" The left corner of his mouth quirked up slightly at the antiquated title. That was all. "Third Secretary Brael'yn is here. She's just about to turn into the corridor leading to your conference chamber. You wanted to be apprised." She smiled, for the first time that week. "Thank you, Primus. Please be sure she has her single malt properly warmed, and let her know I'll be there as soon as I finish "

========================================​

“Brae. Um. You’re SURE that whiskey’s just the way you like it right? I got it from the old place, the one on the corner of Beaker Street, and … here, I know you haven’t had time to relax in forever, just sit down here and take it easy, and … “Ari. Cut the crap. You’re fussing me like a mother my’erdrtsk, but you’re not listening!” “HOW CAN I POSSIBLY LISTEN, YOU’VE BEEN RAVING YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR THREE HOURS AND YOU STILL HAVEN”T SAID ONE COHERENT WORD I COULD UNDERSTAND. This is not Brae’lyn Nab’taxrani in there, not the Brae I know, now please come back and tell me what. The. Squick. You. Are. Talking. About.” “WE FOUND THEM! AND WE FOUND THEM AND OH GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE FOUND THEM BUT WE FOUND!” “Brae. You have found them on a regular basis for … “ “Direct confirmed videographic evidence.” “WJHAT! Why didn’t you say that FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so sorry, Brae, that’s …” "That’s minor.” "Th … what?” "Listen to me. When the D’oh entered the Yri’dinxi system they were contacted, on VIDEO FEED, by … … MACHINES.” “An automated comm station?” “NO. There is NO evidence of creator species. There is no evidence of organic maintenance techs, no evidence of organic operators, no evidence of any kind of energy feed connection whatsoever to a remote organic operator in or out of system. There was, however, at least residual evidence of DROID personnel performing these roles. Ari. We have not only found our first sentient species in this entire universe, besides ourselves. That in itself would be universe shattering enough, but the inescapable conclusion that all my xenocontact theoreticians unanimously agree upon … UNANIMOUSLY, mind you, and you know that bunch … is that we have also found … an artificial, 100% machine based species that is as completely and fully sentient ...

.. as ourselves.”​

<= *&%&* +>​

Cut to the shadowy, vastly impressive Acadame des Artes et Science senate chamber. Time stamp reads previous temporal coordinates plus one hour. Shadows drape their solemn webwork all around, the occasional whir hum and glow of technology is perceptible in the distance. There is no other sound or motion. The scientist/senators are sitting absolutely still, their jaws dropped as far upon their breasts as nature will allow them in a state of total muscular stunnedness. They have been in this state since the Chief Researcb Director informed the legislative body of the news before taking up her place at the Director's workstation and freezing into a similar state. Perhaps there is a young page insufficiently educated to grasp the full ramifications, and therefore not totally unconscious but just high enough level trained to sort of understand the general framework, worriting in the shadowy corners and wondering what the hell to do when they suddenly might as well be in a postapocalyptic scenario as far as the total consciousness-absence of anyone who knows the news is concerned, and they'd know just enough to know they can't get help because anyone they have immediate access and even begin to describe the problem to will immediately fall into a similar state. Cut to the same chamber a month later. The autocomms have just tickered the news that the lower echelons fuctioned just well enough, before freezing up totally, to set the diplomatic corps in motion. The diplomatic corps is made up of individuals whose personality type makes them immune to revelatory brain freeze (if a little inclined to snark at the scientist higher echelons who aren't.) and therefore, the Khell'Zenti Science Directorate is suddenly engaged in direct diplomacy with a hitherto unsuspected alien artificial intellgence hive mind who jus happens to be the first sapient life the Khell'Zenti were aware of in the universe besides themselves. The scientists are completely unaware this is going on. They are in the same position and state they were in the last time we saw our heroes. Except that some clever maintenance tech has rigged up autoIV feed lines and other basic life support technology to keep them at least minimally functional until they can recover from their stun and actually begin to respond to the situation. This is probably a different lower level tech from the one who remarked that after all this star empire was supposed to be a science directorate that followed rationality and objective uncorrupted data wherever they might lead, and that all data sources so far seemed to indicate that while the functions directly associated with the Director herself had indubitably suffered, the rest of the government actually seemed to be functioning more efficiently than it had while the senators were conscious and operational. She went on to say that she at least saw no need to compromise that efficiency by wasting resources trying to revive anyone but the Director herself, and that the rest were probably happier on life support anyway than incessantly wrangling about whether the distance between Belgarion's planet and the location of the accident that tore apart the Prophecies in David Eddings' Belgariad universe was so many parsecs, or so many parsecs PLUS ONE INCH, a question that superheated plasma, ink, CRT photons and blood had (spinning the metaphor out just a little longer) all been shed over before the poor Director had finally managed to coddle the species over the planetary doorstep to even get to space in the first place.

#original content #stellaris #aar #story #all rights reserved #original fiction #science fiction #original science fiction #stellaris fanfic

[mysteryloversbookshelf]

The Afterparty: Isabel

This has to be the creepiest episode so far. We’ve finally gotten to learn more about Isabel and that woman has been through a LOT 😭 I can’t say more without spoiling it so I’ll post more under the read more tag.

I just realized I didn’t post last week’s clue because I was so eager to post. It was “Not the Spitter” ruling out Aniq. I know a lot of people suspected Aniq but it just wouldn’t make any sense for him to do that because he loves Zoë and wants her family to like him. This week’s clue is:

“Not Without Planning”

Ok so whoever killed Edgar had a plan in place which makes things tricky. It raises the question of when exactly the killer came up with the plan. People who could have planned ahead of time are Grace, Travis, Hannah, Sebastian, Feng, Isabel, and Vivian. Ulysses wasn't found until a little before the wedding and his interactions with Edgar seemed civil so I'm not counting him in that category. If we're going with the Devil's Trumpet as the murder weapon, Hannah and Ulysses would both have been able to plan with it since they're familiar with the plant. Isabel could have planned it with a readily available pill besides the adderall since by then she'd already started suspecting him of drugging her. Travis could have started planning from the moment he got the invite and started theorizing about the crypto scam. The wedding website mentions Hannah's garden so he could have already known there would be dangerous plants and researched some of them ahead of time.

Isabel’s Pills

Isabel was clearly unraveling after the death of her husband and it’s really creepy to witness. Like she’s lost all touch with reality and her behavior at the wedding is starting to make sense. Whoever called it that Edgar was trying to force her into a conservatorship was right! I’d say Edgar should pay for this but it looks like he already has! 🍻 Omg at the reveal that she actually was trying to help Grace and that she was actually on adderall the whole time. This makes her wedding speech really sad now that we know the context of it. Is this enough of a motive to kill Edgar? Yes. Plus she’s rich enough to get away with it. But I see Isabel as a fighter and someone who would have kept trying to find proof rather than a quick “fix” like that.

Edgar’s Bathrobe

As pointed out several times on Reddit, Edgar’s initials on his robe don’t match his actual initials (Edgar Alexander Minnows). And when Edgar finds Isabel wide awake at 4:30 in the morning once again we see EDM. This could very well be a red herring and I’m not going to bother trying to do an anagram because I bet you that between now and next week someone will have uncovered something.

Travis Being Nosy

As always Travis is in everybody’s business and I want to know WHY? Yes he lost his money in crypto and knew Edgar was a crook but he is too invested. I don’t think he murdered Edgar bc his death means he won’t get the answers he needs, but come on now. WAIT A MINUTE: Did we ever see Edgar and Travis interact the whole weekend? We saw Travis interact with Aniq, Hannah, Sebastian and Isabel but not Edgar. And he also did not mention socializing with Grace as well which is odd because wouldn’t you want to speak to your ex at some point at a wedding to give them well wishes if it ended on good terms? And have we even gotten confirmation from Grace that she was the one who invited him? Did he deliberately leave something out?

Two Ways to Win

Yet another Reddit theory confirmed! But just what does it mean? Who is it that has won twice?

Edgar Getting Drugged Multiple Times

Ok so the Reddit theory that everybody drugged Edgar at some point came true which is wild 😭 We’ve got the wedding cake, the adderall whisky, and the devil’s trumpet. But someone on Reddit thinks the pool could have poisoned him too so who knows?

My Final Guess on Who the Killer Is?

TRAVIS. He’s been playing dumb this whole time, had no reason to be at the wedding, and is inserting himself in as much of the investigation as he can. I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out he lied and Edgar and Sebastian were the ones who scammed him out of Crypto.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see which of us are right next week when the finale airs! I'm really curious to see what the poll will look like by next Tuesday. If you haven't already, get your vote in! Until then, see you after the season finale.

#the afterparty #the afterparty spoilers

[a-tale-of-legends]

Fun dynamic between ocs that I should do more often.

Jin - Jude: I think early on, I thought it would be interesting if Jin and Jude had this mentor, mentee relationship, given how Jin had went through a period of their life just being angry with the world and has zenned out since then ( still angry, but expresses it more healthily. Kinda). Not sure if/ how this can play out now with the timeline change but I think it would be cute if Jin is the one often looking out for Jude's mental health as he( Jude) become this guide for the Chosens. Of course, there's others that help Jude out, but of the older group, I think Jin is the one that Gets It. Even if Jin themselves isn't exactly the leader (?), they still look out for the younger Chosens, and Jude is no expectation.

Ames - Naomi: Being the same age really helps them get along I think. I think their friendship is awkward at first ( Naomi being shy, Ames not being easily trusting of strangers), but they are able to lean on each other as time goes on. Again, I think being the same age helps here. Also I think they remind each other of their respective crushes and that's very cute lol. Naomi is still non-confrontational unless she really feels like she has to. Ames, however, is always choosing violence and has to be held by the neck.

Naomi: ( sighs ) I know I should ignore them, but these die hard Leon fans can get so annoying.

Ames: We could kill them.

Naomi: Wha- NO!

Ames: I was joking......Mostly.

Naomi: AMSONIA!

Kenji - Alexis: Fun fact I actually shipped these two waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in the very early days of the Legendverse. Before it was called the Legendverse. Anyway it's Ray of sunshine + the storm cloud friendship that I like. I think at first Kenji was genuinely too much for Alexis when they met( when or how, not entirely sure), but I think they strike a good balance of energetic adventurer and anxious ( and depressed) traveler.

Alexis - Eva: Similar to above though they both get to trauma bond over Ghetsis. Recently I've actually been in favor of Alexis not really using his prosthetic arm as religiously as I originally saw it, but I do want to keep the fact that Eva helps with repairs/ upgrades ( with a doctor's approval of course). And given how Eva is Alexis' sister's girlfriend and future wife, I think it's necessary for them to hang out. Part of which involves Eva dragging Alexis out of his house for shopping. He WILL go shopping with her, there is no escaping it. She likes to tease him about being grumpy lol ( everyone does really hgvhvgvgvcg)

Danica - Kenji - Jin: in the early days of the Legendverse, I called this trio "the parent and their kids". Nowadays I'm a bit more averse to call Jin " the parent". But I still think these three have an insanely close bond with each other. Who's the responsible one often lands on ego has the braincell that day. All three of them are capable of some level of chaos lol. More often than not it is Jin ( being the oldest, and the fact that Amber will kick their ass if they aren't being somewhat responsible here-), but please note that Jin can be petty and competitive and will do dumb shit bc of it. I think these three are very used to Danica's Habits ( appearing next to them out of nowhere, void vomit, generally creepy shit) so they don't really blink an eye about it.

Amber - Kiran - Beryl: The Professors™. They all have different levels of how they operate which is fun. Amber is much much more outdoorsy and prefers field research above anything. Not to mention a more potent battler compared to the other two. Beryl is in the middle of the road, liking field research but also enjoying being in the lab. Kiran is still amazed that he even survived his journey through Sinnoh, they much prefer being indoors with a comfy bed( this still rings true post PLA btw hgbgjnnmbcc). I think the three have interesting conversations, being up and coming pokemon professors - it is amazing how passionate Amber and Kiran can be sometimes. Sometimes, sometimes, Beryl instigates some heated discussions between the two. For funsies.

And that's all for now. When writing this I realized some ocs I haven't really thought about interacting with some others. For example I've only really thought of Dante within the context of Jude and their friend group. How the other Chosens think of him could be something interesting. I think he would be particularly close with Wayne, though. I think they would have a few things in common.

#r rambles #legendverse #legendverse ocs #pokemon ocs #pokemon oc

[callioope]

I want to scream into the void and rant about offline stuff, but I also feel this huge hesitation of posting too much detail on the internet, so, here's as short and vague as I could pare it down to:

just basically feeling super overwhelmed by "adulting" offline stuff including: buying a new house, moving but taking several months to actually pack/move/unpack, selling the old house, shopping for more furniture to fill the new house, being constantly ill since early October, researching and choosing new doctors (including primary care and OBGYN), having a rough stretch of OCD and anxiety ickiness, having to stop fencing for medical reasons (not related to fencing, i did not get injured, i just have Other stuff going on), and experiencing the general holiday fatigue of gift shopping and event hopping

I spend my free time handling the above items, on top of the usual daily chores of, you know, laundry and cleaning and "what do you mean i have to make another meal again i just ate"

and i haven't really had any time to connect with my creative outlets -- posting on tumblr, writing, playing the uke, even DND to a small extent (not enough time to put into character building between sessions) although DND has been like the ONE thing still happening

and it just sucks and I want to write but when I finally do get time I'm just so tired, so i just ended up scrolling mindlessly on tumblr or watching dumb youtube videos -- if I'm lucky instead I'll watch an actual play show but for a bit I was caught up on CR and Fantasy High and didn't know what to watch next because the next season comes out so soon so I don't want to get caught up in something else

[side bar: been working my way through one-shots, finished the amazing Escape from the Bloodkeep and I'm almost done with Mice and Murder. Mice and Murder has been super fun and entertaining and I kinda want to play a clue style rpg now -- side side bar but i collect clue variations -- and with the RO anniversary on my mind I've been wanting to read like a clue or sherlock holmes style AU but i have been having trouble finding one? like it can't have been 7 years with no sherlock holmes type rebelcaptain AU? maybe i need to try different AUs or search terms or filters? anyways. would also read a shadowgast murder mystery AU too, still mostly reading shadowgast fic anyways although EVEN FIC I haven't been reading as much either, but the RO anniversary had me thinking about Them again a little bit]

anyways i kinda felt like posting here would help me feel a little bit more connected, i guess, to the creative side of myself? since this is sort of my primary creative outlet, or used to be, if that makes sense.

also i saw a post about something called get your words out, which had some writing goals that looked attainable even for me with all the Stuff happening, and that has felt a little bit like -- something to maybe look forward to, to maybe help me get back into things... I don't know if I'll pledge yet and maybe I'd just do something for myself in that vein but yeah. something more interesting to think about than searching my insurance website or shopping for shelving or chairs or sofas...

gonna go back to watching Mice and Murder. thanks for reading this rant.

#the latest with liz #liz rants

[souryogurt64]

i am just curious why did you hated writing it? was it exhaustive to look back and see what happened or just you didn’t enjoy it. also merry christmas btw

I was not sure what I wanted to do with this going into it but I knew I wanted to do something. The initial writing stage was very difficult, I think I wrote like 5,000 words in two hours straight or something ridiculous like that while crying continuously because I was just vomit-venting and it was very difficult for me to talk about and thinking about it at all ruined my week. 

Then because it had such an effect on me I put it away for a bit until I heard they were playing shows again and then I decided I wanted to do something with it.

Anyway usually I have like a thesis (i.e., "Pete and Ryan lied about how they met") that I'm trying to prove, but with this I was not sure exactly what I wanted except to go into why this happened the way it did and why during like the span of a week everyone went ballistic on this specific label. 

At risk of sounding like a pretentious cunt I feel like a lot of think pieces about allegations or whatever veer into this really inappropriate and invasive territory where people project themselves onto “famous” relationships like it is factual. But I still felt like I had a lot to say about this through a feminist lens but wanted to stay away from talking extensively about relationships I did not experience. 

So I went back through what I wrote and I definitely saw something, and there were also a couple pieces I wrote about the Orwells and the Buttertones years ago when this was a paper zine at my college  that I wanted to work in. 

The thesis ended up being really complicated because it’s more of a personal thing than a research essay. I talk about the fetishization of 50s gender roles in surf rock and how SWMRS positioned themselves as an oasis of feminism in this when they were not as benevolent and woke as they seemed. Then, as time progressed, these bands were all blowing it commercially and interpersonally; SWMRS’ base in particular were souring on them pretty hard, and the bands behavior had led to it becoming an incredibly toxic environment already. This, in combination with the cultural and global factors at play, led to a perfect storm where Burger exploded. 

Because of how I went about writing it the process was very convoluted and because of how complicated it is it was a lot of reorganizing the original rant and rewriting and going back and adding things and reorganizing and rewriting more etc etc which was very miserable and boring and I can’t say I’m proud of all of it but I’m proud of parts and it’s as good as it’s gonna get Lmao

I do think that by writing this I was able to think about and listen to music to and be more grateful for and look back more fondly on (as a silly misadventure) a period in my life I was very ashamed of and disgusted by, which is nice because it was like 25% of my life when it happened and very severely affected me lol 

I am pretty nervous about posting it on Instagram because a lot of people who follow my zine know people who were involved very well and I’m worried they’re going to like freak the fuck out so I might just post it on here so whatevs lol 

I also felt so dumb writing out parts of this like on some level I am aware that Billie Joe Armstrong’s son being in a fake woke indie rock band and faking being Mexican and training 15 year olds to “cancel” anyone who pointed out he was not Mexican for being “racist” and selling people lunchboxes that never showed up does not matter at all and is so so so so silly but I also feel like it matters SO MUCH 

[midnight-fox-boy]

Is it just me or is it becoming more common for fellow trans people to not do research before being certain of/pursuing medical based transition?

I've seen a LOT of trans people within the last year or so that haven't done an ounce of their own research before pursuing things like hormones and surgeries, and as a result ask some pretty intense questions about them.

I saw someone ask if they'd grow a real peen from testosterone that's actually functional, or if bottom surgery would make it as functional as a natal peen (i.e. the ability to impregnate)

I've seen transfems say that when they have bottom surgery they plan to try and keep their peen for the lols (the peen is often used to construct the new parts)

Like, some are normal questions you may ask while doing research! Like asking for people's anecdotal experiences that may not be available by just looking at raw data or articles, but there comes a point where it's obvious that so many trans people are severely uneducated in what to expect, risks, etc. Involved with transition...and it's OKAY to say "I want this regardless of the potential side effects" but it's still important to do research so you know what to look out for, so you know what to expect, so you don't have unrealistic expectations. Doctors may do their best to explain these things to you, but they'll very likely not be perfect when doing so.

Despite doing a lot of research before I started T, and going through informed consent stuff, I was still not aware of bottom growth! This is a situation where yes, I did my research and was informed of many things by the doctor, but I still missed stuff. That's wildly different than having out of this world expectations or being uneducated at all. (granted I started T in 2017 so information was a bit different access wise than it is now, I was reading medical articles at 16 and I had to read really slowly to try and comprehend what I was reading)

I think we need to work together to do our best to educate everyone we can, reblog educational posts every now and again, not be afraid to ask especially young people their knowledge without coming at it like we think they're "dumb". Because this is partially how we get hateful detrans people ..when they haven't done enough research and impulsively jump to transition methods that they really need to research.

This isn't me trying to have a gross tr@nsmed take either! People should have the right to do whatever they want, but you really really need to inform and educate yourself before making some permanent changes to your body! And it's okay to ask for help, it's okay to ask for resources if you're struggling to find good ones on your own, it's okay to ask people who've been down this path already.

I've met a lot of uneducated trans kids that resist the idea of being educated. Being a trans kid/teen is hard, and I know that very well, but to be able to do the things we may need to do to feel good in our own bodies, we have to be able to sit down and look at the information available for us to make choices.

It's not unreasonable to think that research is important.

#trans #transgender #nonbinary #medical transition #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia #queer #lgbt #transmasc #transfem

[vanilla-villainsstuff]

Hey, can I complain about ppl spreading lies about Macaque and Wukong being brothers in the original JTTW? Yeah? Yeah ok:

I already went over this in my "ranking LMK ships" post, but I really need to get this out of my system because it has been frustrating me to no end. Seeing as I already went over how there's no evidence to support the idea that Macaque and Wukong are related, I'mma just quote what I said in my ship post:

"To all the dumb brains out there spreading misinformation about JTTW, lemme put this misconception to bed now... MACAQUE AND WUKONG WERE NEVER BROTHERS IN JTTW! Buddha stated that they're vaguely a part of the same species, but not brothers. Wukong and Macaque have precisely zero deeper connection to each other in JTTW, Macaque's birth was never even detailed in the book and Wukong doesn't even have parents. I have researched this topic for weeks, I've read parts of the original JTTW, I have even talked with actual Chinese people on this stupid ass issue, and as far as I can tell, this is just a stupid fan theory being passed off as canon by non-Chinese ppl who haven't read or even properly researched the original JTTW. Shut the actual fuck up, I don't want to hear it."

Now I know what some of y'all might be saying, "BUT-BUT I LOOKED IT UP ON GOOGLE AND I SAW A WEBSITE SAYING THEY WERE BROTHERS SO IT MUST BE TRUE!" Yeah...let's go over those sources.

The source ppl have been showing (on tik tok anyways) is this fan theory on Villains Wiki:

Key word: fan theory. The wiki never actually quotes the book directly and basically assumes that Macaque and Wukong were born the same way and also makes the massive leap in logic that them being born the same way somehow makes them siblings. Tell me, if two baby chicks are both hatched from different eggs, does that automatically make them siblings? No, no it does not.

Regarding Buddha explaining Macaque's background, this is what he actually says from the English translation:

"The Intelligent Stone Monkey" is obviously referring to Wukong, but wait, why is Wukong the "Stone Monkey"? The title of "Stone Monkey" suggests that being birthed from a stone is something unique to Wukong and the other spiritual primates were born differently. This tracks cuz the spiritual primates are very mysterious beings who have very little lore in the actual JTTW, so them all being born differently wouldn't exactly be strange.

But yes, Buddha never mentions that the four spiritual primates are all related. If they were, he would've mentioned it especially since he's an all-knowing being. He had no reason to keep information like that a secret when asked.

Some have also claimed that they've heard from Chinese people that they are brothers or are "culturally considered brothers", whatever that means. I, once again, cannot find any evidence to support this on the internet and speaking to actual Chinese people I know irl and on Twitter on this matter just confirms the opposite: that most ppl consider them to be unrelated. The only people I've seen claiming this are or seem to be non-Chinese, so I can only assume that they're either A. Cherry picking and/or exaggerating their sources or B. Made it the fuck up.

"BUT SURELY MACAQUE AND WUKONG HAVE A DEEPER CONNECTION CUZ THEY'RE BOTH MYSTIC MONKEYS RIGHT!?!?" Well, you'd think that but...no. Macaque quite literally shows right the fuck up outta no where in JTTW, commits identity theft and then Wukong fucking kills him. That's it, that's literally it. Macaque's only purpose in JTTW is to be a very on-the-nose metaphor for Wukong overcoming his rebellious past, Macaque is just supposed to act in a similar way to Wukong when he was younger. Another thing: a lot of ppl are also claiming that Macaque is a physical manifestation of Wukong's worst impulses or an alter ego of Wukong's. But no, as Buddha says, Macaque is his own separate, unrelated entity from Wukong.

Now, if Wukong was created asexually and Macaque is completely unrelated to Wukong, why do so many ppl believe that they're twins? Because Macaque in the original JTTW is seen as anticlimactic. Yep, that's literally the reason. And I get it: Macaque, this mysterious powerful monkey the same species as the Monkey King, Wukong's equal, out to replace the Great Sage is... just some guy. He exists, and he has no deeper connection to Wukong outside of that. You'd think he would, but no. So I think a lot of ppl just automatically assume that they're brothers because them being completely unrelated just won't click for them.

One obvious reason is that ppl are genuinely being misinformed and don't want to question others because they're afraid of being wrong, which I completely understand and sympathize with.

Another reason could be that well...and this is going to be a bit controversial but- Maybe ppl are just trying to shut down discussions of queer romance or queer relationships? Now I'm by no means saying this is actually true, but this whole situation reminded me of something similar. Have you ever heard about Patroclus and Achilles? The two historically gay power couple who tragically died together? Well, in 2003's "Troy", the movie rewrites the two as cousins so they could write off all that pesky queer romance as "Just a couple of guys being dudes."

Am I saying that this is definitely a reason why ppl are claiming that Wukong and Macaque in LMK and JTTW are brothers? No. Am I saying it's a possibility to look out for? Yes. I absolutely hate this revisionist history of mythology, even when you point out that someone's wrong they just go, "Well, you must be disrespecting the myth's influence on culture! How dare you question my claims about the original story!? Are you saying that you don't care about Chinese culture!?" And it's like, slow your roll there bud. I've grown up on this story and done plenty of goddamn research on it, I like to think I know what I'm talking about. If the text says they aren't brothers, then they aren't brothers. Period.

But see, that's what I love about JTTW: small, insignificant details about characters can be left up entirely to interpretation, but the core message and story are still intact. That's why JTTW is such a popular story and why it's survived throughout the centuries, it's thanks to it's sheer flexibility as a story. You can give Macaque and Wukong any relationship you want, friends, brothers, the same person, it's all up to your imagination!

That's why I find it so annoying that ppl are barging in with their fan theories and claiming it's canon to the original JTTW, because not only is it just ignorant, but it completely undermines the original story.

Anyways, here's a picture that'll piss off the anti-shadowpeach bitches out there:

#shadowpeach #lmk macaque #lmk wukong #lego monkie kid

[youarentamaybeyoureayes]

Oh my gosh, yessssss! What you said about R*nis kept saying if Olivia was not to leave the show, they would be endgame. I made a post about Rina and compare to s2 to realize that Rina has been there all along with too many signs on reddit so Rinas would gush and discuss about how they have noticed the signs now with s4 explaining everything. So anyways, just yesterday, I got notification from Rini basically saying, "You all are dumb as hell. If Olivia hasn't left the show, they would be together. They would be endgame. You all are so dumb." Like she thinks that insulting us all would what? Make it true? It was so amusing to see how pressed she was enough to come in my post and insult all of us because we were discussing about Rina history. I had to call her out that you need to research it first before coming in here and calling us names because you think you are so smart to say such things when it's so obvious you had completely no idea what you are talking about. I really HAD no energy to fight with her because I knew it was such waste of time and she wouldn't listen to a reason so what's the point. So your post is exactly accurate. I kept seeing crap like that and it's really annoying.

exactly like, even on youtube recently, you can't even look at a few comments on some of the new rina videos without a bitter r*ni or p*rtwell who hasn't watched the show since season 2 or started boycotting during season 3 once they saw their ships had no chance at surviving coming to complain about how much they miss r*ni and how despite so many things proving otherwise, they would've been the real "endgame" of the show. i genuinely think a lot of it not only has to do with the fact that a lot of r*nis were also j*livias, which honestly has to be one of the biggest reasons the ship saw any semblance of hype to begin with, because the material alone is simply and never has been there. but since they're j*livias, they're perpetually stuck in season 1, unable to move on from it and unable to accept that any other ship could've been endgame just because they got theirs almost three years ago at this point.

it doesn't help that a lot of locals are r*nis, and most of them have abandoned the show or claim that the later seasons are inferior because of nostalgia and refusal to accept the ships that ended up happening because it didn't align with what their idea of the show was. so unfortunately, they remain to be loud and bitter. i honestly thought they'd shut up after season 3, but rina being endgame really ended up driving them to the brink of insanity.

overall, it's still fun to relish in the fact that we did get the endgame no matter how many people are bitter about it. just annoying to see the same tired discourse pop up over and over again. especially because, had they actually been right (and we all know they aren't) what is it going to change? they even gave them p*rtwell when ricky and gina weren't together and that still ended up crashing and burning just as much as r*ni did.

at the end of the day, r*nis are just bitter that the show didn't end with ricky single and pining for nini. most of them didn't even actually ship p*rtwell either because they hated (and some still do) gina and barely began tolerating ej until he got out of the way of r*ni. they would have rather had the show end with ricky being single if it wasn't going to be nini to come running back to him despite feeling suffocated by him. r*ni was practically their last existing lifeline to j*livia, and since they didn't get it, all they can do is complain.

#asks #anonymous

[eisforeidolon]

You're so right, re: the sheer idiocy and arrogance of certain stans in different fandom factions claiming to be better or superior to others.

Just a few hours ago I saw an ask by a Jared stan complaining about Jensen wearing skinny jeans/pants (which is absurd to begin with, but I digress... apparently these people have nothing else going on in their lifes). They then went on to say, and I quote, "Is he really that full of himself that he doesn't notice that those pants bring out his fat thighs and bowlegs?"

So even Jensen's choice in pants is apparently an indicator now of how "full of himself he is", since he doesn't even notice his (non-existent) "fat thighs" and should be hiding his bow legs. Riiight. Sure, Jan.

I'm not even going to touch on the bodyshaming or the "mean girl developmentally stuck in middle school" vibes of it all (or the mind-boggling factual wrongness, considering the man has and always had pretty skinny legs).

And who liked/reblogged/commented on this without taking any issue whatsoever with what was said?

The usual people who like to claim that what they post isn't hate, "just criticism", and anyone who disagrees with them lacks critical thinking skills and just can't compete with their superior intellect (this one's particularly hilarious to me, as I've seen more intelligent and coherent takes even from hellers than 95% of what these people's blogs consist of... and also, if you constantly feel the need to keep saying how much smarter you are than everybody else... then it's probably not true :))

Also saw quite a few of Jared stans wanting to enact revenge on the verified journalist who called Jared homophobic on twitter based on what he said at Denver con. The words "get her fired" were uttered (though they've now been removed by the person who said that), among with encouraging people to write to her employer. While I in no way think Jared is homophobic and also think the "journalist" is an idiot to base her entire opinion on Jared on this one admittedly slightly messy word salad moment, this is still utterly vile and unacceptable. Lots of people are idiots who base their opinions on snippets they hear without doing any further research (even journalists, clearly) and that won't change any time soon. People still call Jensen homophobic for the anti Destiel things he said for the same reasons. That still does not make it okay in any way to try to get people fired, to doxx them or anything else along these lines.

But sure, you're so much better than other nasty assholes in the fandom. You can miss me with that bullshit, I'll believe it the day Misha suddenly turns into a decent person or confirms his super secret marriage to Jensen (aka never).

It really does baffle me how they can't see that yes, it is actually the same dumb shit when they do it, too. When it's Jared, every negative comment, no matter how petty, is hurtful and fair game to be mocked. When it's Jensen, it's just CRAZY anybody might care unless it's literally slander and death threats. Only their butthurt matters for reasons - which is what all the stan groups tell themselves to justify their own bad behavior. *I* am entitled to be an ass because people are SO MEEN to Jared/Jensen/Misha, *they* are just awful! It literally doesn't matter that Jared legit gets the worst shit, that doesn't actually oblige the rest of the fandom to just sit quietly while they act as dickishly as they decide they're entitled to on any given day. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Whining that they think Jensen's pants look bad because they emphasize a feature most of his fans actually like? Seriously? Just ... I really do not understand how people don't get that they're the joke if they post something that embarrassingly stupid. Like, you can see it when someone prattles on about how Jared totally sits in chairs wrong, but ... *whoosh*. I mean, I've seen some pretty dumb shit from hellers over the years so I still see a win in The Dumbest Stans Olympics as pretty far out of reach. However, I definitely agree that people who make a point of constantly telling you how intelligent or nice they are? Red flags a wavin'. I have seen my fair share of bragging from people who only really look all that intelligent, logical, and discerning if you're comparing them to Goob. And if that's your standard, you might as well just glue googly eyes on a rock and praise its intelligence because it can't make a fool of itself on a consistent basis.

As to the idiot journalist, I don't think we agree on that one beyond the fact that actual doxxing is never okay. In this case, the person’s professional name and  a publication are visible directly on the twitter where those posts of libelous nonsense over a fictional ship are being put. This “journalist” doesn't even know enough about the subject to know which actor is meant, let alone to understand that tweeted garbage is dead wrong regardless. For a journalist, that level of not giving a single solitary fuck about facts? Is grossly incompetent and calls the ability to do a job in that field into question. Sure it's just a tweet, but it does beg the question of what else the “journalist” isn't bothering to do the work on while happily slapping a professional name and reputation on anyway. So no, I don't feel sorry about the twitter getting spammed by angry stans calling that stupidity out. I don't even think it's out of line for them to contact the employer the “journalist” personally chose to link, pointing out that they’re being publicly associated with unprofessional, incompetent, libelistic conduct. If they were digging up employers that weren’t intentionally directly tied to the twitter where the tweet was made, that would be different.

#askboxery #anonymous #anti jared stans #long post

[demcnsinmymind]

it just occurred to me that throughout canon in both movies.....not once did anyone ask Lance how he was doing, if he was okay, and not once did anyone reassure him /check in on him. Quite the opposite, he was always the one to make sure everyone was alright when shit hit the fan, he continuously told everyone they were going to be okay and he was the one to ask people how they were doing in general. People pretty much took it for granted that he was a rock they could lean on for support and that he was nowhere near breaking or needing emotional support in anyway. So the whole thing was just kept up the whole time. He gave and gave and asked and asked, but not the other way round. Even these kids in that dumb second movie, Alex especially, who spent so many weeks researching Lance’s disappearance and everything that happened to him, didn’t take any of it into consideration or asked. Like “hey, I saw you went through some pretty fucked up shit, I literally heard you scream your lungs out and watched you get lobotomized on my screen, do you wanna talk? You okay?” No, they just immediately tried to use him for support and their way out, and initially, he slipped right back into the role of giving support and aid without getting anything substantial in return.

He only ever talked about how he was truly doing when everyone else was sleeping or when he was all by himself . And he did say more than once just how scared, confused and upset he really was himself, but no one was really there to hear it or see it 🙃 Meaning, it’s not like he doesn’t know how he’s doing emotionally, or that he can’t understand it and that this is why it was never talked about with others. It’s just never really addressed around people because no one ever asked him. He just says it when he’s all by himself, or later, when he’s with the demon.

 I mean to be fair, I headcanon that even if people asked, he wouldn’t have told them the truth. He would’ve lied and told everyone he was doing okay, and he wouldn’t have wanted to hear anything from them. He’s not the type to share or let people in. He feels like he has to do everything by himself because that’s just how he is. But still. The fact that he went through all that messed up shit without any sort of emotional support  at all 🙃 🙃 I mean I get it, too. He was sort of the ‘leader’ of the group, the protagonist, the ‘hero’, and he did get them into that mess sorta. No one was obligated to ask or say anything at all, given their situation. But despite all that, it doesn’t mean he didn’t need it just like everybody else, despite the brave face he put on. That’s why I love that line in the dumb second movie “Do you have any idea what ten years in here can do to a person? I just wanna go home.” Like, he literally had to tell people all by himself how utterly fucked in the head all of this has left him. Because no one bothered to ask or think about it.

It’s no wonder he’s such a brick wall post canon, and how he’s constantly deflecting and declining any sort of help / genuine talk about how he’s really doing. He just genuinely doesn’t know how to handle any sort of genuine concern and support from people after all this time. Add that to the fact that he literally had to lie about how he was truly doing in the 40s all the time ( because if he didn’t say he was doing ‘better’, treatment would’ve been worse) and it’s just...sadly natural that he’s incapable of saying anything substantial about himself, his past, and his general emotional world now. His go to state is constantly asking people things and offering to help them solve their problems instead, and he shuts any questions or help offerings down in return.

If someone ever breaks through that concrete wall and barbed wire he’s erected around himself and really gets to the gist of it where he has no choice but to actually say something about himself for a change, about his own mental state and obvious ptsd and just the whole truckload of issues he has....oh boy. when the levee breaks.

I seriously love that about him post canon though. He’s not deflecting and avoiding because it’s ‘cool’ or ‘manly’ or because he wants to remain mysterious and what not. It’s a super fragile defense mechanism he picked up over many years. He knows that once he starts pulling the plug on it, 13+ months of trauma that he hasn’t said a word about to anyone will come crashing down all at once and it’s not gonna be pretty. And he does want to talk about it and wants it out of his system. But it takes a truckload of trust and patience and he’s lost literally all of his friends and family or pretty much anyone else he could trust like that. So until he finds he can trust someone enough to share...up the concrete walls go :>

#text post #do you have any idea what ten years in here can do to a person? : character study #headcanons #hc : psyche #hc : habits