IM MAKING A CALL-OUT POST ON MY TUMBLR DOT COM
KIRBY HAS NO RIGHT TO BE SO FUCKING SAD
HERES WHY
tw sad shit and cursing and gore (in my kirby post lmao)
n also long
n also kirby spoilers
THE FIRST KIRBY GAME
The first Kirby game was just - yk what Kirby's known for: food and shit
Recover the stolen food stolen by a big ass penguin king and save the world, quote 'I'll get your food back, and your sparkling stars too!'
KIRBY'S DREAMLAND (i think)
FIGHT UH
FIGHT UHHH
GIANT ASS EYE NAMED Z E R O WITH BLOOD, LIKE ACTUAL BLOOD
harmless enough right???
YES THIS IS FROM A KIRBY GAME
BUT THE LORE IMPLICATIONS OF THIS CREATURE ARE WILD
KIRBY AND THE CRYSTAL SHARDS
"oh no the fairy planet was taken over by EYE PEOPLE. lets assemble the crystal shards to go beat the shit out of them
harmless enough right???
WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS THAT THING???
THAT IS A KIRBY CREATURE!??!
KIRBYS RETURN TO DREAMLAND (THE LORE FROM DELUXE)
started the 'EXTREMELY FUCKED UP' trend (AS IF IT HADN'T STARTED ALREADY'
LETS MEET A LITTLE CAT EGG MAN NAMED MAGOLOR
THEY GET SHOT DOWN BY A FUCKIN FOUR* HEADED DRAGON (their name is landia :)
he's a little guy! so cute! so adorable!
so he's like
'i crashed here lmao can you help me rebuild my ship ill take you to my house if you do so'
kirby being the nice guy is like 'aight bet' and reassembles his ship
magolors like 'aight awesome' and takes them to his home planet right
kills the dragon
magolors like 'ah shit can you kill that dragon for me plz plz'
kirbys like 'aight bet'
magolors like 'aight sweet imma take this crown the dragon had and TURN INTO SATAN'
once magolor is FUCKING DEAD the SATAN CROWN POSESSES HIM?? AND TURNS INTO?? GUESS WHAT??
BRUV TURNS INTO SATAN (not an eye person today!)
kirbys like 'aight bet' and beats the sHIT OUT OF HIM
LIKE I MEAN THE EVERLOVING SHIT
A FUCKING EYE PERSON?? GAH DAMMIT!
(kirby beats the shit out of him)
NOW HERE'S WHERE THE EDGY ASS SAD ASS SHIT STARTS
IN THE BEGINNING TO MAGOLOR SOUL'S THEME (true arena) YOU CAN HEAR HIM FUCKING C R Y I N G ? EXCUSE ME? WHAT? THE WHAT? MY LITTLE EGG CAT? POSESSED BY SATAN?? NAWW
the end of return to dreamland
keep in mind his daughter never really died - but she came back kinda late so he didnt recognize heeeeerrrrr - so he kept building the thing
KIRBY PLANET ROBOBOT
(i haven't played this one bear with me)
JEFF BEZOS' DAUGHTER DIES AND HE DECIDES TO BUILD A THING TO BRING HER BACK
the thing was called star dream aka a wishing planet
yk cool the new amazon product is a wishing planet
GUESS WHO GETS POSESSED
JEFFREY
JEFFREY BEZOS
(his name is president haltmann btw)
this game has a shortage of evil eye people :(
anyway kirby beats the shit out of the planet robot screw thing star fox style
but then
it turns into the legit planet
this is a nova
it is a wishing planet
it is a cat
meowzers!
(ANYWAY AT THIS POINT HALTMANN IS FUCKING D E A D)
kirby kills the nova and we all go home yay goodness gracious this is the nicest game on this list
KIRBY TRIPLE DELUXE
once upon a time, a spider, the end
this is taranza he was my androgynous awakening
hes kidnapped the fucking penguin king god dammit
okay so you go to the sky kingdom and get some fairies to help you fight taranza (he has posessed the king, masked dedede remix go!!)
once you DEFEAT taranza and posessed for the 600th time pemguin, his WIFE SHOWS UP!! HIS WIFE!! HE GETS BITCHES!!
she looks kinda funky tbh
THERE IS A REASON WHY
ONCE UPON A YONDER TARANZA BOUGHT HER A BIRTHDAY GIFT
THIS THING WAS THE AMAZING MIRROR
AKA A MIRROR INTO A PARALLEL UNIVERSE
HE GOT IT FOR HER UNKNOWINGLY AND THOUGHT 'she likes mirros :) she will like it :)'
tHE MIRROR GAVE HER BODY DYSMORPHIA AND SHE TURNED. INTO. A. FUCKING. BEE.
queen body dysmorphia sectonia goes 'i NEED cocaina to become da prettiest girl in da werl'
taranza goes 'honey sweety you are da prettiest girl in da werl you don't need cocaina'
she slaps him and FUSES WITH A GIANT ASS FLOWER
what cocaina does to a girl
KIRBY, IS LIKE 'IM FUCKING DONE WITH YOUR SHIT'
EATS A LAZER
SHOOTS HER WITH A LAZER
SHE, I SWEAR TO GOD, DIES. SHE FUCKING DIES. SHE IS DEAD.
TARANZAS LIKE
^ did not happen
'MY WIFE IS DEAD, WHAT DO I DO?!'
'poyo'
'im gonna find you im gonna fucking find you'
instead taranza went through the denial stage of grief first
in THE NEXT GAME, HE IS SEEN HOLDING THE FLOWER SECTONIA TURNED INTO (the same species) AND FUCKIN CRYING TOO??? WHATS UP WITH THIS??? HUH??? PLEASE??? LEAVE MY LITTLE EGG MEN OUT OF THE DEPRESSION???
NOW FOR
KIRBY STAR ALLIES
THE FUCKING END
copy-pasted from my school notebook
This game, specifically, is the prime example of 'not being what it seems.'
Kirby Star Allies' plot is simple: Unkindness is spreading through the kingdom! Defeat it with the power of love! Befriend your enemies and safe the world!
Sounds pretty lighthearted, right?
Do you want the real plot?
Kirby Star Allies starts out, immediately, with a giant purple [Jamba] heart breaking and spreading smaller Jamba hearts across the world. Whoever gets close to the hearts turns evil. Pretty simple.
But it gets worse.
Kirby traverses through his home terrain, and saves his king (After said king turned buff for some reason?). After this, he notices: A giant spaceship has landed on his planet! So he goes to traverse across the planet to get to the spaceship. Pretty simple.
But it gets worse.
Turns out the spaceship is ran by three girls based upon three elements [Ice, Flame, Spark]. They said that the Jamba Heart, and the 'dark lord' would reign. Pretty simple.
But it gets worse.
So, Kirby tries to reason with them, but the maniacal dimwit of the Spark Lady destroyed the entire thing [Called a Jambastion]. So, Kirby goes to space to chase after her and her sisters. Pretty simple.
It can't get worse.
He finds a LARGER Jambastion, with a LARGER Jamba Heart, and traverses across OTHER PLANETS to find out what's going on. He gets to the Jambastion, and finds a mini cult ran by a dude named Hyness and the girls from earlier.
There's a piece of lore not included in the game, that the girls died due to their respective elements (Frostbite, burns, lightning) and Hyness saved them. First off? There are no humans in Kirby's world. How far away do they live? And Hyness is abusive now?
Hyness claims the same stuff about the Jamba Heart, only way more in depth, in the biggest chunk of tangible lore inside of a Kirby game. In five seconds.
He goes mad, and throws his adoptive daughters, and himself, into the Jamba Heart.
THIS. GOD DANG. JAMBA HEART. TURNS INTO SOME DARK-SOULS DND MONSTER THING. I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN IT.
It's name? Void Termina. Not ominous at all! Not ominous in my silly, friendship-based, save-the-world Kirby game!
Kirby fights this thing, on a scooter I might add, and it goes down the FIRST time. The boss has 4 phases: Dark souls, 2D boss, dark souls, 2D boss.
He GOES INTO IT'S THROAT, and with the help of his friends, PULLS IT'S HEART IN TWO.
(I'm confident he could do this on his own if he had arms)
Lovecraftian horror much?! In my silly, friendship-based, save-the-world Kirby game?!
So now the giant dark souls thing is a bird?? It grew wings?? Okay, no big deal, that's the most NORMAL THING HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. It uses giant lasers and swords and axes to defeat Kirby, as if they have beef that goes back to 1987 in the bar next to work.
Turns out, they do?
Once you defeat the giant bird of death and things, you go back into it's throat to take out it's heart a second time, because Kirby has no mercy. That heart? Turns into something. I swear to all things holy.
It turns into a Kirby.
This THING. ACCORDING TO THE LORE, IT IS INDEED ANOTHER KIRBY. BORN OF DARKNESS AND EVIL?? AND IT'S A GOD OF CHAOS??
IS KIRBY A GOD OF CHAOS??
This boss battle is fine in the normal game, it's very Basic-Kirby-Game-Esque. But the True Arena.
THE TRUE ARENA IS NOTORIOUS. I HATE IT. WE HATE IT.
The True Arena shows the real, canon if you would, version of bosses. Thus the name.
This second Kirby. Void Termina, now just called Void.
It has the best boss theme
It plays Green Greens.
(end of copy paste)
BUT THE WORST PART??
REFER TO THE MANUAL OF THE FIRST KIRBY GAME.
'I'll get your food back, and your sparkling stars too!'
VOID TERMINA SOUL'S FINAL MOVEMENT IS CALLED 'SPARKLING STAR.' I CAN'T. I CAN'T.
AND ALSO??? THOSE EYE CREATURES??
YEAH VOID TERMINA SOUL CAN TURN INTO ONE OF THOSE TOO
DOES THIS MEAN EVERY OTHER EYE CREATURE HAS JUST BEEN
ANOTHER KIRBY?
ANOTHER. FUCKING. KIRBY?
I - I CAN'T. I CAN'T HERE. WHAT. AND WHY.
THIS IS KIRBY GOD DAMN IT, 'I'll get your food back, and your sparkling stars too!,' NOT LOVECRAFTIAN HORROR SIMULATOR
im done here im done here
heres your fucking potato
and have a call out post my friend made up when i told him i was writing this
IVE GOT AN ANNOUNCEMENT, KING DEDEDE IS A BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER. HE STOLE MY FUCKING CAKE. THATS RIGHT, ON MY ÷×+€+×÷£TH BIRTHDAY HE WAS INVITED OVER TO CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY. AND THE CAKE WAS this big AND HE SAID THATS PATHETIC AND PROCEEDED TO PULL OUT A LARGE ASS SPOON TO EAT IT ALL. SO NOW IM HERE ON TUMBLR DOT COM TO MAKE A CALLOUT POST ABOUT IT. KING DEDEDE, YOU FUCKING SUCK.
rant over
ALSO THERES MORE GAMES I DIDNT COVER
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⚠️ april 1st and beyond may contain themes of body horror and eye imagery. posts will be tagged accordingly, if you think a post needs a specific tag please let me know (edit it has not only been a few days ... sorry ...)
hi hi im jess and im that one rescue corp guy you miiiightve seen bouncin around pnf-404? they/them but im a girl. i made friends with weird little plant guys and now im stuck doing everyones job... sad! oh well im having fun with it. kinda. please get me away from the green one
(rules and other info under the cut, last updated 4/26/24) (interacts from @kirbytripledeluxe) (...)
IMPORTANT NOTES 🌿
so there are now technically four characters on this blog (even if i dont exist in pikposting) so the tagging system may be a bit confusing! stuff may get mixed up! heres a quick guide including how i color code their posts:
🍄: jess, they/them, 24 (currently unavailable) (usually the default)
🐟: me! toast or kirby, it/any, 17
🌼: oatchi, he/him, idk!!
💮: hope or beep, she/they, not even one years old
ive beaten pikmin 4 as of 4/26/24!!! spoilers are fine!
inactivity spikes may happen due to plurality, disability, and ,, my generally exhausting existence. sorry about that!! as a side note if i overstep or act weird or flood the tags TELL ME.
jess is NOT a sona or a self-insert, just my avatar in pik4, though i do project onto them quite a bit 👍
RULES 🌿
1. obviously no nsfw. while jess is 24 and technically allowed to do that, im not 18 yet at the time of writing this and am just not comfortable with it!
2. please dont get me involved in em/eto topics . i have a severe phobia of that
3. other rookies are completely fine to interact!
4. theyre open for shipping but please like,,,, ask,,,,,, before doing anything like that,,,, id be open to it as long as its not rushed or anything like that
5. if i slip and misgender jess (i sometimes accidentally use she/her) let me know please!!! ill do the same!
TAGS 🌿
ic 🍄/🌼/💮: posts by a character
ic answer 🍄/🌼/💮: answered asks by a character
putting them in situations 🍄: rp (←feel free to mute, i use the long post tag once they start getting long but i have a list of the finished ones at the end of this anyway)
jess images 🍄: self explanatory, often reblogs from my art account! i love drawing them!
about jess 🍄: info i share sometimes
ooc 🐟: posts by me
ooc answer 🐟: answers by me
and if you need anything trigger tagged tell me! ill tag it as "tw ___" (flashing lights will just be tagged as "flashing lights")
RP LIST 🌿
3/21/24-3/23/24 🍄 — puddle going through it
3/23/24 🍄 — taking amalgam home
3/24/24-3/26/24 🍄 — lumiknoll moment
3/31/24 🍄 — super mario shaky tower hell
4/22/24 💮 — cherry brings hope and oatchi back to the base!
OTHER BLOGS 🌿
@heroleaf-posting
@pudle-blogging (not to be confused with puddle)
@groovylonglegs-blogging
@eyewraith-posting
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hey wait a second. something's not adding up. in what universe do galahad and percival make out. what in hades.
OMGGG I FINALLY GET TO TALK ABOUT IT LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Ok so
Percival and Galahad from arthurian legend do kiss in the Holy Grail quest! I worded it as making out as a joke, they don't make out-
BUT THEY DO KISS
It's meant to be a platonic kissy obvs similar to how in Kirby you kiss when healing but it does happen
The text is actually multiple, as there are so many versions of the grail quest itself
"When the two companions had tarried there until the hour of prime and had seen enough, they left and rode until they came to a forest.
Being about to enter it, Perceval said to Galahad: “To day we must separate and each go his own way. So I commend you to Our Lord’s keeping, and may He grant that we soon meet again. For I have never found a man whose company seemed so sweet and agreeable as yours; so this parting grieves me much more than you may suppose. Yet it must be so, since it pleases Our Lord.” When he removed his helmet, Galahad did the same, and they kissed at parting, for great was their love for one another: this appeared clearly in their death, for one barely survived the other."
The Quest of the Holy Grail W.W. Comfort's translation, page 220
You might find this kiss too in other more popular books such as Le Morte D'Arthur book XVII chapter XII
And there's other kiss later on in book XVII chapter XXII
If you pick up the physical book there might be a chance for the word to have been changed to "embrace", but some versions of it don't touch that word.
Ramble about the grail quest below, I finally have a perfect excuse to let out all my thoughts on the story and the grail knights hehehe
Percival and Galahad in general can switch to multiple dynamics based on authors, as arthurian legend is basically a bunch of people who inserted their knights ocs into this other story and then others recreated those oc's stories to make it cooler or fit in with those times. So Percival and Galahad can go from being the same person, friends, family and other things depending on what the author chooses. This applies to all characters in Arthurian Legend, there are no actual things set in stone. The canon is messy which is why sometimes u might see people hate a character but refer to it as "I hate Lanval's Guinevere" instead of the character as a whole because there are MULTIPLE versions of that character.
I'm gonna give a basic ramble about some of the story and show interactions I like between these two from multiple books after the ramble
HOWEVER I should warn and add a CW/TW that there's character death and implied su*cide (Galahad's death), the second one being more complicated due to how it's handled as Galahad wishes and asks for death and when it comes it's more of a "guys look he ascended he is now with Jesus Christ yippeee, what a cool act don't you wanna pray now" WHICH IS HMM KINDA BAD
I should also say that some parts of the Grial Quest are quite problematic as it puts down other religions and those who follow it as "sinners" or not worthy.
The grail has multiple interpretations as to why there has to be a quest for it, to spread religion, to heal the land and multiple others. Galahad is brought to the round table and does some cool stuff such as pulling out a sword from a stone similar to King Arthur and sitting on the Siege Perilous (a seat who kills anyone who sits there unless you are the chosen one). The Quest is related in some way to Joseph of Arimathea from the bible™ and in some interpretations the grail knights meet Jesus Christ himself. After achieving the grail Galahad asks God for death as he thinks he's lived long enough (he's like, VERY YOUNG??? AS IN HE IS KIND OF A LITERAL C H I L D??). Galahad seems to just inmediatly throw himself at objects that could kill him and is very careless which is kinda sad because even if he is supposed to be a character who we admire as God's knight he is also a kid who doesn't have the best parents and barely has friends, quite literally raised and born FOR the prophecy so it's no wonder he doesn't exactly know what to do after completing his "only purpose". I personally find the grail quest quite tragic, as I love Percival who's biggest dream was being a knight (he's also a babie™) and Galahad's death affects him enough to fully retire from it. Even if it's portrayed as him being "inspired" by Galahad's death enough to convert even more to religion. Not to mention he dies soon after anyways.
Now that u know some of it I can throw some interactions at full speed at you ohohoho SOME ARE ANGSTY OTHERS ARE CUTE AND FUNNY-
That's all tumblr is allowing me to show, also sorry Camachine for using your ask as an excuse to ramble about these two /lh. I'm big on Arthurian Legend and always wanted to ramble about it.
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