#reread this to relive that night

[izumaki-naruto]

Be Uchiha Sasuke.

First off, you're twelve. No twelve-year-old is emotionally stable anyway, and you've got it worse than most—your beloved older brother killed your entire family then made you watch their deaths over and over. He said you were nothing to him. He says if you want to kill him, you have to devote your entire existence towards getting stronger. You are seven. This is the only way to make things okay.

You feel a lot of emotions but none of them are palatable. You are utterly alone. Nobody can touch you. Nobody understands. There's one other kid who's as alone as you are, but he's an idiot. Below you.

And then you die for him. Why? Your body moved on its own. You hate seeing people die. But really—despite how much he annoys you, you've apparently ended up caring for him. It's unplanned. It's unnecessary. ...It's an indulgence.

That kid is strong now, and so quickly. The thought pokes at the back of your mind—are you doing something wrong? You've spent years training to be good enough to kill your brother but this guy went from dead last to taking down monsters in the span of months. What does he have that you don't? It's not fair. He doesn't need strength, not like you do.

What does he have that you don't? Your brother is back in town for him. Who said your brother could have a life outside of you? After all those nights obsessing—chasing after him as a child for scraps of time and chasing him now, knowing you can't even touch the shadow of his back, he's still so far above you you might as well already be in hell.

You've never had a life outside of him. He's always been the central star you orbit. And he's not even here for you. He's everything, you're an afterthought. How pathetic. How unfair.

#naruto reread #sasuke #like even one family member dying is traumatic enough #but all of them? incredibly violently? in a single night? at the hands of the person you most love and admire? #while you're forced to relive it over and over? #it's a miracle sasuke's still a functioning member of society #naruto fandom so blindsided by edginess of local teen they forget that all his actions are perfectly understandable #and then itachi even comes back and retraumatizes him #I've said it before and I'll say it again: uchiha sasuke's story is a tragedy of circumstance #in any other world he wouldn't have taken that path #and if anyone else was in his situation they would have done the same #lanecdotes

[metaphrasis]

“I, too, feel the need to reread the books I have already read," a third reader says, "but at every rereading I seem to be reading a new book, for the first time. Is it I who keep changing and seeing new things of which I was not previously aware? Or is reading a construction that assumes form, assembling a great number of variables, and therefore something that cannot be repeated twice according to the same pattern? Every time I seek to relive the emotion of a previous reading, I experience different and unexpected impressions, and do not find again those of before. At certain moments it seems to me that between one reading and the next there is a progression: in the sense, for example, of penetrating further into the spirit of the text, or of increasing my critical detachment. At other moments, on the contrary, I seem to retain the memory of the readings of a single book one next to another, enthusiastic or cold or hostile, scattered in time without a perspective, without a thread that ties them together. The conclusion I have reached is that reading is an operation without object; or that its true object is itself. The book is an accessory aid, or even a pretext.”

— Italo Calvino, If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler

#Italo Calvino

[stitchlingbelle]

So I’ve seen more than one post joking about our poor friend Jonathan getting stuck in a time loop, which is certainly a valid way to see rereading some novels. But the thing is... this isn’t a normal novel with a narrative that we watch like a movie from the outside.

This is literally the collection of documents that the gang made and preserved and eventually hid away after their ordeal.

The loop here isn’t one of reliving, it’s one of rereading. If we assume Jonathan and Mina and co to be a part of it, it’s the sort of obsessive re-reading of trauma, an annual reminder of all they lost and suffered, reassuring them that it really happened, that it’s over, that God yes, they lost someone so dear to them, but they survived. They’re safe now.

Or are we rereading alone, unmentioned but assumed future descendants, finding this cache of documents while cleaning out Gram’s old attic, reading them and rereading them and filling in the gaps left by all the questions that Jonathan and Mina aren’t here to answer? Wondering if it’s fiction, tying it to the pieces we know are real, and maybe feeling just the tiniest bit of chill when we find ourselves out late a night, hearing the howl of a wolf?

#dracula daily #dracula #they're not stuck in a time loop #we are

[lucrezianoin]

Astarion-centric fics recs (49 fanfics)

I will divide them by ship. They are all complete unless specified. Also, if a fic is not here it does not mean that I did not like it, I could have forgotten it or just not seen it given that there is a lot of Astarion content!

Just make sure to read all the tags warnings when you open the AO3 page. I added the non-ship focused but Cazador focused ones at the end.

Also it feels weird to rec my own fics, but in case you want to read astarion h/c I am writing you can find me here at LadyRagnelle (for now all DarkUrge or Tav/Astarion).

Regarding if this reclist might be useful for you... there are a lot of Astarion fics, a lot of tags used and a lot of preferences! I have a very particular preference for a specific kind of fic (h/c, whump, softness, mainly) and in the case of Astarion I tend to not read nsfw, usually. So if you have been around my blog and you think we might share fics preferences... maybe these are the fics for you too! I will update this post with time.

I am trying to add a small description to all the fics, but I prioritized adding the links, so some of them do not have a description yet, but they were beloved in my bookmarks.

GEN (no ship)

Prying eyes (unsupermarket) - One of my absolute favorite. Karlach and Astarion share one of Astarion's nightmares (thanks to the tadpoles).

Reflecting endless down the hall (Asidian) - Each chapter is dedicated to one of the companions and the way they interact with Astarion, each chapter connected to a part of his past and trauma.

TAV (OR DARK URGE)/ASTARION

After all that I can do for them is done (votiveviscera)

To Aid and be aided (Beppoberry) - Post Cazador, taking care of each other.

Between the lines (Slothquisitor) - Amazing story about Tav gifting Astarion books.

Broken mechanism (laquearia) - Character study on Astarion's "Don't touch me".

Copper blood and silver hearts (netherprince)

The darkest corner of Baldur's Gate (Nebulad)

(Don't) lose your head (CL34R)

Don't you hear me praying? (ridgeline) - Short haunting story about Astarion's trauma.

And his pretty hand hold my leash (osiris_ryes) - one of the few nsfw fics in this rec list. This has some amazing Dark Urge writing and manages to use nsfw scene without ignoring the consent issues present in the game.

Hold me without hurting (fairbutnotsomaiden) - Astarion disassociates, Tav is kind.

I could feel my life begin (Flowercitti)

I have a good place to hide (Flowercitti)

I know how this will end (MyFandomCausesHanaji) - Amazing Dark Urge story about Durge trying to stop themselves from killing Astarion - and reliving the same day over and over.

A long dead pulse (enthugger) - Post-Cazador, Tav takes care of Astarion.

Made / Unmade (Adaphyl)

Mortal shortfall (titasylase) - Giving a gift to Astarion + act 1 angst, perfect combination.

Not something that I was but what I played (WitchyBee)

Out of wine and flowers (enthugger)

Porcelain (cweepa) - Astarion is sick, and he really cares about how he looks. Absolutely stunning story full of very delicate hurt/comfort and angst. I've reread this so many times.

Savages (cweepa) - Astarion finds a kitten.

Seducere (Tlon) - This is THE fanfic. I remember waiting every night for the new chapter. It narrates Astarion's past and his present in the game. Heartbreaking and haunting.

Specter (justfortune) - post game fanfic about Tav and Astarion's new life together, with some interesting concepts about personal space and sharing life.

Suck the rot right out of my bloodstream (Flowercitti) - I love Flowercitti's stories so so much. This one is specifically about consent. Please, read all their fics.

Vanity items (Flowyen) - Incomplete fic, but still amazing. Just Astarion receiving genuine compliments.

You only feel it when it’s lost (gettin’ through still has a cost) (Flowercitti) - Flowercitti's Tav takes care of Astarion after Cazador.

The way you are (imprinted on a page) (cryptidvaquero) - Tav draws Astarion as a gift.

Was it something you ate (Anoke)

Water down what I call being grateful (Flowercitti) - This fic was written for one of my prompts. I will be eternally grateful because I love stories that deal with looking right through Astarion's seductions.

HALSIN/ASTARION

Animal I have become (Ulfrsmal)

Free (Faetality)

Handmande (BerlinBelin) - One of my favourite, absolutely stunning series about touch starved Astarion trying to ask (with difficulty) fo non-sexual intimacy.

Known in its aching (BerlinBerlin) - sick fic with so much tenderness.

Never gonna fall for (modern love) (Dwinkle) - Halsin offers Astarion his blood.

Through sneers and words snide (BerlinBelin)

HALSIN/TAV/ASTARION

Working on it (casswathever) - Very well written series with multiple fics, I particularly loved the relationship discussions.

WYLL/ASTARION

To die with you (WaterSeraphim)

A dream of sweet things (Asidian) - delicious h/c, trust issues and some nightmares too.

Innocence died screaming (Flowercitti) - Wyllstarion fic that starts from Astarion's past with Cazador, from his turning into a spawn. Ongoing.

KARLACH/ASTARION

Repairs (Asidian) - Heartbreakingly angsty fic about Karlach finding her touch again and Astarion expecting their first night to go a certain way.

The Things you miss (Asidian) - A very sweet fic about Karlach and Astarion interacting.

ASTARION/SEBASTIAN

A lyric on your tongue (justfortune) - Sebastian and Astarion meet.

GALE/ASTARION

The heat is only skin deep (ThatKorka)

POLY

Sharing (Asidian) - a touch of angst, touch starved characters, act 1 spoilers so slightly present consent issues.

CAZADOR-FOCUSED (no secondary ship)

Fake it (deerna)

Lost and never found (arenathesia)

Thou art mine (sophos) - The story of Astarion learning how to keep Cazador happy.

your reflection can't offer a word (to the bliss of not knowing yourself) (undermounts)

#astarion #halsin #wyllstarion #karlach #karlachastarion #dark urge #my fav fics #fic recs #astarion fic recs #fanfics #bg3 spoilers #mind the tags please #cazador

[manincaffeine]

I wonder if she remembers the moments too? If she still admires the way I looked at her. If she rereads our texts & relives those late night confessions. Does her heart ache thinking of me, thinking of what it used to be, those couple of months? Or does it not even cross her mind?

#desiblr #desi tumblr #desi academia #dark romanticism #dark academia #writers on tumblr #spilled words #spilled thoughts #artists on tumblr #art #dark aesthetic #dark romance #breakdown #winter

[plutoslvr]

so i'm rereading trc with my friend and we're currently on bllb and i just read chapter 30 and in it blue's asking malory what gansey used to be like before he moved to henrietta and the gansey that malory describes to blue is so different from the gansey she currently knows and i just cant stop thinking about it.

first off, malory describes gansey as "small" as in not just his height but as in gansey was young and it makes sense because at the time gansey was 15 but it just kind of does something to my heart when i think about young, small gansey trying to figure out why he's still alive.

malory then goes on to say, "He was still trying to prove that he hadn't just hallucinated. He was still quite obsessed with the event [his death] itself." gansey first died when he was 10 and to be obsessing over your death for FIVE years trying to convince others but mostly yourself that you didn't make it up that you actually died and not some part of a childs imagination it must've fucked with him so bad???

then malory tells blue exactly how obsessed gansey was with his death and was to the extent that he was always drawing bees and hornets and "Got screaming nightmares over it- he had to get his own place since I couldn't sleep with it [...] Sometimes these fits would happen in the day, too. We'd just be toddling through some riding path in Leicestershire and next thing I knew he'd be on the ground clawing his face like a mental patient." the gansey that blue currently knows doesnt act like that but this was only two years prior its fucking INSANE and it's here blue starts to think about the facade gansey had learned to throw up since he was a kid.

AND IT GETS WORSE SOMEHOW?? earlier in bllb in chapter 3, gansey talks about how he felt like running and how it had been a long time since he had felt that way. at the time it didn't make sense like wdym by that gansey but then back in chapter 30 malory tells blue how gansey just disappeared one day. left most of his bags and left without a word to anyone not even his family who then called malory to ask for gasneys whereabouts. "He picked himself up and moved on so easily, so quickly. He had done it so many times before England, Jane, and it was old hat to him."

it makes blue rethink every conversation she had with gansey previously, similarly to when adam heard gansey's voice of fear in the cave in chapter one where gansey had the panic attack because its around this book where the gangsey start to figure, as blue puts it, "It was more like the Gansey she'd seen was a partial truth."

it's so very easy to pass off ganseys insecurities and his feelings about how he should comfort other people but they shouldn't do the same for him because he's had it the easiest (his words not mine) because he himself skips over it so fast. like he'll mention something and then act like he's never thought or said it, like its something normal which really isnt and then it slowly makes sense that gansey throughout the series, starts to lose that mask (there's multiple masks but thats a conversation for another time) and the readers and the gangsey get to see what the real gansey is like instead of the bulletproof, untouchable gansey they're used to seeing.

the idea of gansey running is insane in a good way because its nothing like the gansey we know, plus paired with the fact about how young gansey has me clawing at the walls because he's just this kid desperate to prove he wasn't hallucinating, trying to find some purpose to his life before he finds it in henrietta. a kid who was still terrified of his death who relived it, screaming every night who still had panic attacks anywhere and everywhere and would end up clawing at himself because there's hornets everywhere. a kid who doesn't stay in one place too long who learns to put on an easy smile to convince everyone okay and gets so good at it that it works and people think that hes normal and okay when he's anything but.

idk pre canon gansey is something that i need to inject into my bloodstream and analyse in a lab.

#thinking about the different masks gansey has is so crazy like gansey on fire the gansey his family sees the gansey aglionby sees #SORRY LONG POST #FUCKKKK GO TO THERAPY GANSEY #chapter 30 bllb has changed my life in insane ways #i dont think i can ever be the same #richard gansey #trc #the raven cycle #bllb #adam parrish #blue sargent #idk malorys last name sorry

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Silmarillion Daily - Of the Finding of the Elves

This was one that struck me hard on the reread, because the parallels between Oromë encountering the Elves for the first time, and Finrod encountering Men for the first time in Beleriand, are so strong.

In both cases, they come upon them while hunting, on the edge of the eastern mountains, when they hear them singing:

And on a time it chanced that Oromë rode eastward in his hunting, and he turned north by the shore of Helcar and passed under the shadows of the Orocarni, the Mountains of the East. Then on a sudden Nahar set up a great neighing, and stood still. And Oromë wondered and sat silent, and it seemed to him that in the quiet of the land under the stars he heard afar off many voices singing.

Finrod Felagund lord of Nargothrond journeyed east of Sirion and went hunting with Maglor amd Maedhros…In a valley among the foothills of the mountains, below the springs of Thalos, [Finrod] saw lights in the mountains, and far off he heard the sound of song.

In both cases they see these new people and love them not in spire of, but because of, the fact that they are different from themselves:

And Oromë looking upon the Elves was filled with wonder, as though they were beings sudden and marvellous and unforeseen…And Oromë loved the Quendi, and named them in their own tongue Eldar, the people of the stars.

Then Felagund, standing silent in the night-shadow of the trees, looked down into the camp, and there he beheld a strange people…Long Felagund watched them, and love for them stirred in his heart.

Here is where things diverge - and I think this is very intentional on Finrod’s part. He grew up among the Valar. He would have heard the story of Oromë first encountering the Elves hundreds of times, and he’s suddenly found himself in a parallel situation. And he would remember from the story how so e Elves reacted when Oromë, a Vala, suddenly appeared among them:

Yet many of the Quendi were filled with dread at his coming; and this was the doing of Melkor. For by after-knowledge the Wise declare that Melkor, ever watchful, was first aware of the awakening of the Quendi, and sent shadows and evil spirits to spy upon them and waylay them. So it came to pass, some years ere the coming of Oromë, that if any of the Elves strayed far abroad, alone or few together, they would often vanish, and never return; and the Quendi said that the Hunter had caught them, and were afraid…Thus it was than when Nahar neighed and Oromë indeed came among them, some of the Quendi hid themselves, and some fled and were lost.

And some of these elves who hid or fled were captured by Melkor and turned into Orcs.

So Finrod thinks of this, and decides he doesn’t want to risk startling them and thereby endangering them. So he waits until they are all sleeping, and then goes down and plays music, and because of the beauty and the dreamlike feel of things, they are not afraid and don’t run.

Now men awoke and listened to Felagund as he harped and sang, and each thought that he was in some fair dream, until that he saw that his fellows were awake also beside him; but they did not speak or stir while Felagund still played, because of the beauty of the music and the wonder of the song.

In a way, it’s no wonder that Men at first mistake Finrod for a Vala - he’s reliving the experience of the Vala who first discovered the Elves, and he’s trying (and succeeding) to use that history to do better. And this continues in his later dealings with Men. The Valar gave the Elves a binary choice: come to Valinor and we’ll teach you and keep you safe, or stay in Middle-earth and you’re on your own. But Finrod leaves the choice up to Men: Bëor wants to come with him to Nargothrond, the others choose to stay in Estolad, later generations come to live in Dorthonion, and he does his best to look out for them and advise them whichever of those choices they make. I suspect he’s thinking of the history between the Elves and the Valar again here, and wondering what might have happened if the Valar had taken a different approach.

Now, that does not last. The Valar were not able to keep the Elves free from harm even in Valinor, and Finrod, who does not have a Vala’s power, is still less able to keep them safe in Beleriand. But he’s doing the best he can. And I think it’s the shock of that moment in the Fen of Serech, when not only is he unable to get to Dorthonion to help his little brothers and the House of Bëor, but the men of the House of Bëor are saving him and losing their lives doing it, that prompts his oath to Barahir. On the flip side, for Barahir, you can contrast this reaction to that of Fëanor and many of the Noldor at the Darkening. The Darkening is when the Noldor realize the Valar can lose; and the Bragollach is similarly when Men see that Elves can lose. But because Men’s relationship with Elves is already to some extent a collaborative one, seeing them lose just makes them seem more ‘human’ rather than prompting the sense of betrayal the Noldor seem to have felt towards the Valar.

#tolkien #the silmarillion #finrod #oromë #elves #noldor #edain #house of beor #barahir #silmarillion daily

[steddieas-shegoes]

aida the gata' masturbata'

this pun brought to you by the genius mind of @messessentialist (i'd be so good to ya babe).

IT'S TIME FOR THE WEEKLY FIC REC, where i pick top 3 (to me) fics from some of my favorite authors! as always, please check the tags before indulging and go through their entire works/masterlist (especially this week, aida's blessed many fandoms with her talent). like, kudos, reblog, and comment on works when you can; it keeps writers writing!

this week is @aidaronan! aida was one of the first steddie authors i read, but apparently forgot about until everyone was like 'go reread' and now i have and it's all even better the second time. also was a big fan of her stucky work back in the day of not steddie times, and maybe when my brain take a day off from these two idiots in situations, i can go relive those two idiots in situations. aida nails dialogue, like perfect characterization for everyone, and also. also. monsterfucking.

aida's tumblr | aida's ao3

Critical Hit Rated E | 7,102 words This entire fic was a critical hit. Steve getting spanked to hell and back after speed-running a sexuality crisis? Sign me up. Put me first on the list. Make me a VIP. Favorite part: “Jesus, Steve, this better not be a one night stand. I’m, like, fucking obsessed with you right now.” Eddie pushes his legs apart enough to get between them. He can smell Steve’s musk, his arousal. “Gonna suck you off. That cool?” 

Cut and Changed and Rearranged Rated T | 10,856 words It's very rare that I rec anything with a rating lower then M or E, not because I don't read those stories, but usually because they just don't stand out as much to me. But with this one, it would be a disservice to every person in this fandom to not read it. A fast slow-burn love confession through a mix tape!!! Favorite part: He wants to be someone they can all lean on, and people can’t lean on things that might break. 

Bow to the Beast Inside: Monsterfucker Anthology Rated R | ongoing series I don't think I need to go into detail about monsterfucking. We all know how I feel about monsterfucking. The series is all standalone fics, so you can choose your monster, or do what I did and choose all the monsters. Favorite fic in the series: Gotta go with the one that started it all. The Prettiest Boy in Hawkins, Indiana. It really hit every checkmark on my monsterfucking to-do list.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #fic rec

[personasintro]

i’ve been following mh since the 3rd chapter was uploaded on wattpad! when you started reuploading to tumblr, i decided to reread from the start and there is so much detail i really didn’t pay much attention to the first time round! if i could describe rereading mh, it gives me the same feeling as sitting in front of a fire with warm cocoa on a winters night - nostalgic and comforting. altho the emotional turmoil at some points is very real, this is still my comfort book! mimi your writing is a gift, please don’t let anyone pressure you for anything!

sending love and hugs! 🫶🏼🫶🏼

3rd chapter? Since Wattpad? 🥹 you’re the real OG here!!! 🪪🩵

I was hoping you guys would take this opportunity to reread it again & I was also curious if there were any feelings or changes you felt when reading it again. I know it’s not like first time but this feels in a weird way like reliving it again. Thank you for taking your time to reread it & for still loving it 🩵🦋 you guys are something else!!! 🪐🩵

#💜

[sk3tch404]

Yandere: I like you

Reader: Like as in, like like you?

How yandere Idv boys would react to being asked if they 'like like' you after confessing (Survs + Hunters)

Characters: Eli, Norton, Naib, William, Ganji, Kevin, Andrew, Luca, Antonio, Wu Chang, Joseph, and Jack

A/n: Help I stayed up all night again and I gotta reread this when I wake up at 8 PM later (It's literally 9:05 in the morning rn bruh)

Okay uhh just post this for shits n giggles hehe

Eli

Um, I guess? Lol

"... Yes. I 'like like' you."

He says it in the most serious tone ever. He does laugh a little afterwards though so 👌

Brooke cocked her head to the side and quickly looked back at Eli for confirmation for what you just said. His face was dead on in your direction, so she just took it as, "Go with the flow."

Norton

"No? I love you."

Would get emotional because he thinks you're gonna friendzone him, or worse, reject him.

Once you explain that you're not that great at wording and you just wanted to accentuate what your saying into shorter terms, Norton finally understands that you're not directly telling him you dont share the same feelings.

He though you were making fun of his confession for a bit a first

"So, do you, 'like like' me too?"

Naib

Um, I think so?

"I do like you Y/n, but it's far greater than 'like like'."

He also thinks you're gonna friendzone him.

He tries not to question you as this is a serious moment and he doesn't want it to be more awkward as it already is.

But he caves and asks you what you mean by 'like like'. You explained it to him and Naib thought it was one of the most dumbest ways you could try to say attracted.

"Why couldn't you have said romantically attracted?"

"Well, because, uhhh idk cause it was easier."

"Omfg..."

He still loves you, he just looks at you as a bit dumber than he thought (Not like that changes his feelings about you. Naib loves that you're a bit aloof and will cherish you everyday of his life no matter what)

William

"Yes! I do 'like like' you!"

Got the memo very quickly. 1 shared braincell moment.

Likes how you two get along so well! He thinks that you basically said that you liked him as much as he likes you, so strap in and hold on bc you're in for one hell of a ride.

Ganji

... He doesn't understand

"Like like? Is this a joke I haven't been told of???"

You explain it to him and he's greatly relived. He really thought he embarrassed himself there and lost the chance with you forever.

He's used to your way of talking, but he just got so nervous while confessing that he just freaked. Ganji's mind ran through so many scenarios and mishaps when you said that.

"Oh *ahem* then, I guess I do 'like like' you..." (He's blushing and looking away shyly as we speak >\\\<)

Kevin

Yes yes yes yes yes

"I like like like like you!"

Very much same energy given. Kevin loses his flirty persona and gives you genuine reactions.

Dw he's still a smooooth cowboy; All he wants to do is to show you the true authentic side of himself before you go on thinking he's just trying to hit on you even harder.

"I truly do love you Y/n. You're the only one I want. I love love love love looooooveeee you!"

Andrew

Did he say something wrong? Oh no he just blew it. He knew he shouldn't have confessed to you today. You're trying to investigate him further so you can really make fun of his waste of an attempt later.

"... I'm sorry, I don't think we should speak right now..."

You're gonna have to tackle him to stop him from running away.

You explain to him through his nervous babbling. Once he's got it, Andrew is gonna just be sitting there a bit dumbfounded.

"Oh... I'm sorry for misunderstanding you. Please forgive me."

You're the only one he really trusts and ultimately loves, please dont hate him from now on.

Luca

Yes

"I like like you!"

He answers you how you expect him to. Straight to the point and unfiltered as per usual.

Luca is so happy you understand him and his vibes! He knows you're only making sure, so he's gonna give you exactly what you want! Just give yourself something back in return!

Antonio

Erm, sure why not

"Yes... of course I do."

He thinks you're so cute when you're aloof. Your questioning makes him want you even more.

Antonio wants to lure you to him as to gain your trust. He doesn't need anymore running from you.

Be careful if you do try to turn the other way, he's quicker than you think.

"Symphonies can't compare to your melodies..."

Wu Chang

Xie: uhhhh, yeah, we do like you a lot :)

Fan: We love you? What is this 'like like' nonsense???

Xie hits Fan as a signal to follow his lead. Xie tries to lure you in by being compliant and nice just like Antonio.

Fan likes you being a bit of an airhead, but sometimes during serious moments like these, his patience gets quite low.

"Fan, don't you 'like like' Y/n too?"

"Tch, yes. I do 'like like' Y/n."

"I'm glad that's settled. Now Y/n, I wonder if you 'like like' us?"

Joseph

Perhaps

"If that's what you want to see it as, then I guess I can say I 'like like' you."

He loves how you make up these funny little terms. It's interesting.

You bring so much light and color into this world. How could he let you slip away now that he has you in his grip?

"We're pass the point of no return Y/n. How will you proceed Y/n?"

Jack

Okay lol

"*laughs* Of course not. I'm infatuated in you darling."

Of course he likes you. He wouldn't be confessing his love and his 'deepest darkest' secret to you if he didn't.

You entertain him to no end. Jack enjoys your way of talking. It really spices up your conversations.

It also helps you evade death.

"Can't you say the same for me Y/n?" (Say yes or else :D)

#yandere #yandere blog #x reader #yandere identity v #yandere x reader #identity v #idv #male yandere #idv jack #jack the ripper #joseph idv #norton campbell #naib subedar #ganji gupta #william ellis #kevin idv #eli clark #andrew idv #luca balsa #antonio paganini #wu chang #xie bian #fan wujiu #shitpost #kind of #lol

[wilhelm--fink]

Rammstein Meet and Greet in Mexico City 10/02/22

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity of meeting four of the rammboys before their show in Mexico City and thought it’d be nice to share my experience (plus I’ll be able to reread and relive this every day for the rest of my life) ♥️

Get ready for a very long post:

Oliver:

He was serious but very kind. He came, greeted me quietly, smiled a bit when he heard me greeting him in German, signed my book and then left before we could have our picture taken because Tom (their meet & greet assistant) got distracted by someone and forgot to take it. I have to admit that I freaked a bit about that cause I thought I had missed my opportunity but Tom noticed immediately and asked Oli to come back.

We shot the pic and then I moved to the side to let him pass through but instead of that he stepped really close to me (which ofc made me scream internally) and without saying a word, he took the book from my hands and started flipping through it, then he saw the cover with a really confused face, gave it back to me and left. That’s when I started wondering if the band actually know about the merch they sell cause he looked as if he didn’t know what that was.

Flake:

He was so happy and cheerful the entire time. He greeted me in English and when I answered in German he gave me a huge smile and switched for the rest of our chat which went a bit like this:

(I handed him the book and he saw the pic I had chosen of him)

Flake: (laughing) „Das bin nicht ich!“ - That’s not me!

Me: „Was meinst du damit? Natürlich bist du das!“ - What do you mean? Of course that’s you!

Flake: (laughing even harder) „Nein, nein. Das gefällt mir nicht, das bin ich nicht“ - No, no. I don’t like that. That’s not me.

Me: „Wer ist es dann?“ - Who is it then?

Flake: (still laughing) „Ich weiß nicht, lass uns nach einem anderen Foto suchen“ - I don’t know, let’s look for another photo.

(We flipped through the pages until he saw one he actually liked)

Flake: „Sieh dir das an, das bin ich“ - Look at that one, that’s me.

(He signed it, we had our photo taken and then he started inspecting the book the same way Oli had)

Flake: (surprised) „Wo kauftest du es?“ - Where did you buy this?

Me: „In dem Rammstein Shop” - In the Rammstein shop

Flake: „Wirklich? Toll! Ich hatte es nicht gesehen! Sowieso, vielen Dank, viel Spaß bei der Show! - Really? Cool! I hadn’t seen it! Anyway, thank you so much, have fun at the show!

Me: „Vielen Dank!“ - Thank you!

Flake: (laughing as he walked away) „Aber das war nicht ich!“ - Still that wasn’t me!

Me: „Das bist du doch!“ - It is you!

After that I think someone asked him about the meaning of his nickname, to which he answered “Flake es flaquito” (“skinny” in Spanish)

Paul:

He arrived before Flake left and told him, wearing his usual cheeky grin, to speak Berlinerisch Deutsch with us. Then he greeted me in English and laughed really loud when he saw his pic on the book. I asked to hug him, to which he answered „Ja doch!“ (yes, of course!) and gave me a big nice hug (I wished that Tom had taken our photo in that moment but sadly didn’t). Then he wished me fun at the show and left.

After that, a girl showed him a photo of him and Richard kissing and asked him if they’d do it that night, he only laughed and said “We’ll see what happens”.

Till:

We knew he was coming cause he almost kicked the wall to the ground before coming in. He was super nice the entire time, spoke to everyone in Spanish and joked around a lot. Once he came to me, I totally froze and couldn’t do more than greet him and show him his pic on the book. He noticed my reaction with a smile and was very kind about it, he signed my book and then I somehow managed to ask if I could hug him. He immediately embraced me super tight and then we had our photo taken.

After that I was about to let him go but he held me tighter and started growling loudly. That’s when I finally came to my senses, I looked up to him and laughed but in a second he had already picked me up and was dragging me out of the room. Everyone started screaming and I told him “you can take me with you if you want, I’d be happy to go” to which he laughed, gave me a peck in the head and let me go. Then he took my hand gently and led me back to the group. Finally he shook my hand, made a bow and said it was really nice to meet me.

The meet & greet ended shortly after that and we were led back to the stage area. It’s needless to say that it was the best day of my life.

#rammstein #till lindemann #paul landers #flake lorenz #oliver riedel #rammstein meet and greet #personal #north america stadium tour 2022 #rammstein in mexico #my show #rammstein mexico city 2022

[partangel]

I too, feel the need to reread the books I have already read," a third reader says, "but at every rereading I seem to be reading a new book, for the first time. Is it I who keep changing and seeing new things of which I was not previously aware? Or is reading a construction that assumes form, assembling a great number of variables, and therefore something that cannot be repeated twice according to the same pattern? Every time I seek to relive the emotion of a previous reading, I experience different and unexpected impressions, and do not find again those of before. At certain moments it seems to me that between one reading and the next there is a progression: in the sense, for example, of penetrating further into the spirit of the text, or of increasing my critical detachment. At other moments, on the contrary, I seem to retain the memory of the readings of a single book one next to another, enthusiastic or cold or hostile, scattered in time without a perspective, without a thread that ties them together. The conclusion I have reached is that reading is an operation without object; or that its true object is itself. The book is an accessory aid, or even a pretext.

If on a Winter's Night a Traveler by Italo Calvino

#a love letter to reading! calvino beloved

[gayhater101]

I was going through my journal and I stumbled upon a 5 page entry from August ranting about Jackieshauna. I’m currently suffering from yellowjackets brainrot so I would like to share with the class some quotes that really gagged me rereading this last night.

‘There’s something about tragic, toxic, co-dependent homoerotic female friendships that seduce and lure me in.’

‘Shauna ate Jackie 25 years ago but she’s never stopped consuming her. She’s built the life that Jackie “wanted” and suffocated herself in it.’

‘They’re doomed star crossed lovers that never actually got the chance to be lovers and Jackie died physically but her spirit continues to haunt Shauna and a part of Shauna died with Jackie but she’s still physically trapped in life.’ (That one really punched me in the gut)

‘Jackie just desperately needed Shuana’s love in life and even while dying she hallucinates/dreams of Shauna quoting her words back to her (You’re my best friend) and telling her that she loves her. And, in a similar vein, Shauna was kept alive after hearing Jackie’s voice say her name after she had given birth and was bleeding out.’

‘Shauna has lived everyday for the last almost 3 decades bearing the guilt, weight and burden of the people she has butchered and killed. She was the one who sent Jackie out the night she froze to death. She watched with the others as Javi drowned in front of them. She places Jackie’s necklace on every girl going forward who draws the queen card and hunts and butchers them. Reliving Jackie’s death and cannibalisation over and over again. She stabs Adam out of fear and butchers his body to hide. They may have been rescued from the wilderness 25 years ago but she has ceaselessly lived every day as the butcher/killer/unwanting mom but she was just a teenage girl in love with her best friend once.’

#jackieshauna #shauna shipman #jackie taylor #yellowjackets #i’m gonna throw up #i’m going feral #brb gonna cry myself to sleep #what the hell possessed me to write any of this #seriously what is this and what is wrong with me??? #Spotify

[mhaynoot]

[ tw suicide , suicidal thoughts and intentions - orv spoilers - epilogue joongdok ]

yjh progressed so much and so far through 1863 regression turns not only to cut down the constellations and systems that made him suffer but also to find a way to either save the world or die permanently, whichever came first.

out of all the yjh and the regressions, the one who achieved that goal was the half slain by himself in the 1863rd round, the one who encapsulated all yjh's feelings of "i want to die".

the one that said "i want to live" was all that was left.

yjh remembers renouncing his regression status. his character trait.

"yoo joonghyuk, former regressor."

but he who hated his regression the most, who experienced suffering like no other because of it, chooses again to regress once more to save kdj. he tries not to think why but does anyway when the the scenario nights once again drag on long and agonising.

"are you sure?" people had asked right before the group regression. as if he would have ever brought it up as a suggestion if he hadn't been sure.

was he sure?

yjh closes his eyes.

he remembers renouncing his regressor status. he remembers delcaring not only that he will lived this round - this life - fully but that he will live solely for the ending in which kdj was an anomaly. he remembers kdj too. the little twist to his lips, the downcurved tilt, and his eyes, yjh was always reflected into his eyes. but they only saw him then. "I was twenty-eight, and I was an employee of a game company. my hobby was reading web novels…"

yjh remembers.

"yes, I'm sure."

but more than reliving the hellish nightmares of the scenarios once more, it only completely breaks him when regressing still fails-fails-fails-

(like kdj had told him over and over again)

two years passes by. time is supposed to ease grief. he should have moved on.

yjh breaks into the museum to grab the broken [final ark] with no real plan and fights hsy with his all so she could kill him because that's what he wanted. because yjh wants to fucking die and had tried everything from clutching a gaming mouse to training to talking endlessly with his teacher and sister but still- still he finds no purpose in life after the failed regression.

he imagines that guy yelling at him, calling him a sunfish.

even though he was free from the scenarios, free from the regression skill, can grow old normally with all his loved ones into a happily ever after. in a world surely and carefully forgetting the secnarios, erasing almost everything of that nightmare. today, the night sky is forever dark with only the glimmer of weakened constellations. yjh had saved the world and his companions and his sister and himself. it was everything he had ever wanted. everything that could have ever made him happy.

kim dokja, he grieves and grieves and grieves.

it is only the dumb blind faith and hope of a hacked brained plan that lets him live until he's shooting through space with a faint, infinitely burning wish.

and because of course nothing ever goes right, the ship breaks down and then everything else is breaking down and he's drifting through space in the vast loneliness and hollowness of his own dying stories.

1, 2, 10, 100, 333 days of drifting.

it is the kdj's story that revitalises him again and again as he reads and rereads and reads more and more

until, finally, he could understand kdj just a little more.

he wonders if this is what it means to have a soulmate. to have someone who completed him so much. who is his everything and to know he is everything to that guy too.

they are each other's beginning and end, salvation and damnation, life and death.

and then,

on death's door, he draws his sword. he regrets but he does not give up.

words echo between his ears in his final moments. that guy was right in the end. of course.

he dreams of fighting and that damn journey to the west remake and he dreams-

his eyes search around, always desperately searching. it's like chasing a ghost. like trying to bridge a bridgless gap between him and-

"where is kim dokja?"

"captain!"

everything in him knows it, knows what happened even if it remained a dream in his memories. the stories vibrantly holding him together was proof enough that he got saved by that bastard. he'll be damned if he ever reveals the truth to biyoo that though.

they crest and bob through the ebb and flow of the wordlines and the universe.

some worlds a peaceful. no scenarios.

yjh wonders if the stardust reincarnated in these worldlines is happy. selfishly, he hopes not and that they'll always wish to come back. to stay. he's already doomed countless worlds for this purpose. spreading this dream of destruction for a single man.

its with these selfish wishes, they drift through space and the brief stops along the way.

some, he leaves faster than others. it depends on how quickly he and biyoo can find a suitable webnovel author. but it doesnt always go all that quickly. authors. they're reclusive annoyances. yjh thinks of hsy and her first appearance and edits the latest update with particularly brutal comments on her prose. so some worlds, they linger on.

somehow, he finds himself on a high building in every world. sometimes they're in seoul but not always. all cities eventually start looking the same anyway. similar but foreign concrete city scapes. large, open skies.

that guy had said the view was beautiful.

"wake up, yoo joonghyuk."

centuries and world lines drift by.

he was not the 41st yjh and she was not the 41st shin yoosung. they had lived and grown to become the them they are now. had both been touched by that guy and his actions. her more so than him.

sometimes, he gets caught in her visage. on the way she smiled or her eyes gleamed. nebulae dwarfed in comparison. every bit of her father.

more than her eyes and her smiles, it was the way she talked. that slightly annoyed, flippant wit. she talks so much now, babbling, scheming, or just talking for the sake of talking. like she was making up for the years of being pretty much nonverbal. or the years of travelling alone. although, her father had always able been to understand her quite well. maybe it was a connection between parent and child.

yjh didnt try to remember his own child, they were always there. a small swaddled thing. it was a worn out grief. memories so bright it faded. a life too short.

biyoo's dad had said he understood. he had never lost child. had sacrificied himself over and over again to ensure not a single one of his went through that cut fate.

yjh knows that kdj had never experienced it. but yjh understands kdj too.

every world, she finds recent trends in webnovels and the world news and what strange "gimmick" the world operated on. some had game systems like the star stream. some had an old apocalypse lingering. some were in the middle of a breaking world. nothing quite bad enough to not find an author, of course.

he wonders if kdj was thriving in those less peaceful worlds like he thrived in the star stream. yjh selfishly hopes not. hopes that something is irreversibly missing in a life without his companions, without yjh.

even if they only stopped in the world for an hour, biyoo always finds the time to report her findings to him. she settles into the arc beside him and rambles on about how the different systems compared to each other or talks about a popular webnovel and the characters in them. the arcs they go through.

something in his chest loosens at the fimilarity. it wouldnt do to get lost in the memories of another person in someone else but he was a regressor.

maybe she understands that too because she always continues to talk even when he stops responding, stops looking quite at her.

he was glad she was there with him. in this long journey.

in the arc, through the worldlines, on the highest points of city buildings, he edits the story, he adds his own chapters. he finds their memories and their stories and writes it all down. he types with fingers tracing only a singular name.

he reads more.

he writes more.

protagonist, reader, author.

the star stream seems to be finally over. their epilogue was upon them.

that pivotal last chapter had not be written yet. the one where kdj comes home.

yjh settles his hands on the keyboard.

as he enters the stratosphere, as the cockpit burns and lights through earth's blue skies like a shooting star, and he finally breathes in the air his and kim dokja's world again, yjh thinks about his long journey. about his 0th turn. about 1865 regressions. about answers and questions and the future. about his happiness.

the [ark] slams into the ocean. he can already see lee jihye screaming at him in the distance. the rest of his little nebulae wait for him. his little sister looks ready to beat him up.

he looks at them and smiles.

as he's pulled towards his and kim dokja's companions, moved back into their embrace and circle as if he's never left, he thinks about his long journey. about his 0th turn. about 1865 regressions. about answers and questions and the future. about kim dokja.

yjh thinks about every stardust that scatters through the wordlines that he had visited. some of them had been peaceful. some of them less so.

yjh hopes each stardust reincarneted into these worldlines are doing well. that they are warm and eating well and are loved. and, yjh hopes that he could still find the ending where he can love that guy and show it to him too. tell him, eventually.

#orv #orv spoiler #joongdok #hawrites #sad yjh hours #sorry #someone said yjhs nickname for kdj was that guy #and now im abusing that #grief #tw suicidal thoughts #very rought first draft i wrote on the chrome app

[laracrofted]

Aww I love this so much, what better way to end the year by spreading some positivity. I apologize in advance if this is a little long and if I say things that I say often, but every word comes straight from the bottom of my heart. I absolutely wanted to thank you all because getting to know you, even if not in person, and your works was truly an enormous pleasure and one of the best moments of this year.💞

@roosterforme : I know I've already mentioned you on various positivity nights but I can't help but mention you again for the help you've given me throughout this year with your stories and more. You were one of the first authors whose stories I read and to say that I fell in love from the first words of each of your series would not do justice to reality, because I not only fell in love but I felt understood, comforted and less alone about themes that you have written and treated with a unique delicacy. Even though I have told you a thousand times now (and hoping not to be too repetitive) I want to tell you again how much I appreciate your talent, your love and your care that you put into your stories, full of details and characterizations of the characters which make them unique and special. And as I often tell you, I immensely appreciate your ability to make me fall more in love with Bradley every time for the wonderful way in which you always manage to write about him. As you now know, your masterlist has become my comfort place and your stories my routine and I couldn't be happier about it. For all the love I feel for all your work, Is It Working For You has a special meaning and place for me. Your stories are something I often think about and I love rereading them to remind me of details that perhaps I didn't remember perfectly or even just for the sake of reliving the emotions written. Thank you so much with all my heart for everything 🫶🏼

@cherrycola27 : you were absolutely the first person whose series I read and I must say that it is thanks to your writing ability that I continued to read more and more stories in this fandom. The first series I read was Till Death? I was so passionate and captivated from the first chapter that I asked you if I could be tagged because I absolutely didn't want to miss a single update and from that moment on I haven't stopped reading your beautiful stories. I love how you always come up with original ideas and then develop a story from them. An example is your Red, White and Rooster series which I loved immensely and which left me in suspense at the end of each chapter. I appreciate so much how your stories are always a swing of emotions and it is precisely this in my opinion that makes them unique! You always manage to keep me in suspense and sometimes make me emotional with endings i don't expect. I’m literally obsessed with False God series because I love and find it brilliant the way you manage to mix Greek mythology with everyday life! Thank you so much with all my heart🫶🏼

@bradshawsbaby : another person I couldn't help but mention is you, because with your stories of Mr and Mrs Bradshaw you helped me a lot in my worst days and in the moments when I was leaving and entering the hospital. In the moments when I started reading their stories I always managed to forget about reality and be transported into their magnificent world. Not to mention one of my absolute favorite series as you already know which is Si vis amari ama, your way of describing the scenes, the care in writing about the environments or the customs of the time always fascinates me. It still lives in my mind as I found it interesting and appreciated how carefully and precisely you described the preparation and making of bread in one chapter. In addition obviously to all the descriptions of the environments, one in particular that I hold dear was the way you described the market and conveyed the idea of ​​chaos and confusion given by so many people. And as I have said several times, the love I feel for the fact that you used various terms and phrases in the Latin language. I think this all shows how much passion and care goes into each chapter. I've often noticed that you apologize because you haven't updated the series in a while and honestly it breaks my heart every time I see you apologize because I tell you with all my heart you absolutely don't have to apologize for anything because what you do is already more than necessary. Take all the time you need and don't feel pressured at all, when you have time to update the series know that I will be there ready to read it more than happy. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for everything.🫶🏼

@beyondthesefourwalls : I wanted to thank you so much too for your ability to make your characters feel the emotions they are feeling. While I was reading Remember you even when I don't you made me feel all the pain of pumpkin in seeing her husband not remember her, I loved how you developed the story. I love how in your stories it's like riding a roller coaster for everything i feel and I love even more how in many of your stories you talk and underline how certain loves never end, no matter what they have to face, they often go through immense turns and then return. This love came back to me is the perfect proot, which made me shed more than one tear and which I loved immensely. Every time I receive a notification of your story I'm so happy because I already know it will be amazing. I love the way you can make conversations interesting and often with an ironic and teasing streak. Thank you so much with all my heart 🫶🏼

@sailor-aviator : as I already told you, I discovered your blog thanks to your Fool's Fare series and from that day on, that was the series written by you that captured me the most, obviously without taking anything away from the other wonderful stories that fill your masterlist. There is something that fascinates me incredibly about that story, the part that literally stuck in my mind was the description of the first entrance of Jake's character. The way you described that scene was so perfect and precise that it felt like the scene was unfolding before my eyes, and I have to be honest but I often like to go and reread it because of how beautiful it is. I love all your other stories, I love how you can take ideas and develop the story around them in such a detailed and twisty way. And I think you have an extreme ability to transport the reader into the story that leaves me breathless every time. I love how, in addition to the chapters, you write various drabbles that explain and delve into different themes and scenes inherent to the main story, thus making the reader more and more in tune with the characters thanks also to the different points of view. I also love how you always have new ideas for new stories and how each of your series is always so detailed and intriguing. Thank you so much with all my heart.🫶🏼

@notroosterbradshaw : I've told you plenty of times how much I love your The Boyfriend Experience series, and how much you can make me cry with every chapter of Slow Dancing in a Burning Room. As for The boyfriend experience, it was the first series of yours that I read and just from the summary I was already completely in love with it. I mean, what's better than Bradley pretending to be your boyfriend? I loved how you managed to convey the tension between them, how behind their every gesture there was a feeling that they both tried to hide and how luckily in the end they both stopped resisting their feelings and let themselves go. I also loved how you were able to build the anticipation before they could finally be together in such a real way. Your ability to make me cry, smile, feel butterflies in my stomach and feel happiness never ceases to amaze me. Every time I read your work I am amazed by your magnificent versatility in writing and conveying happier emotions as well as sadder emotions or moving from a more angst series to a more fluff one. I love how you make every dialogue so real and so relatable. Thank you with all my heart.🫶🏼

@ohtobeleah : I discovered your blog while reading your Iris series and to say that I was impressed from the first chapter would be an understatement. I love your ability to create stories that leave me in suspense and that with each passing chapter I literally can't wait to read the next one because I'm so intrigued and taken by the story. Another thing I really love is your ability to set up the chapters, how you manage to insert flashbacks that help us understand and get to know the characters more deeply and add details to the plot. Without forgetting your ability to develop relationships between characters, write extremely complex and nuanced characters and slowly reveal more and more details that make the story even more multifaceted and help you better understand the various perspectives of the characters. As you know, I'm loving the series Was it over? when you said you wanted to write this series the topic and the plot immediately interested me but I never expected to be totally taken by this one. As I told you, even though it breaks my heart with each chapter, I can't wait to read more because of the beauty with which it is written. Thank you from the bottom of my heart🫶🏼

@mamachasesmayhem : I will never tire of appreciating your ability to create your stories not only by writing them but also by creating the whole outline, which in my opinion makes diving into the world of the series even more interesting. I know I've said it before but the way I love the Jake and Honey universe is just incredibly huge. I loved how you developed their story and how precisely you took care of every little detail. She Ain't Takin' Your Call to the What If Universe literally left me speechless with how good it was. I remember at the end of the chapter I was so anxious to know what decision Honey had made. I loved the way you structured it and how you showed Honey's growth and how her relationships have changed over the years. The detail I loved the most was the fact that you wrote and explored different episodes during her different ages, I think this detail made it much easier to connect with her. I also wanted to make a special mention to your ability to create digital daggers, they never fail to make me smile, they are truly wonderful. Thank you so much with all my heart🫶🏼

@sometimesanalice : last but not least I wanted to thank you. The first series of yours that I read was Like i can and I was struck by the first lines. I loved the way you developed the story and how the ending literally managed to surprise me with a detail that I never expected. I read all the chapters with extreme interest because I entered the story immediately and I couldn't wait to find out who she would choose. I want to give a special quote to Bob's friend with the dogs, I think this detail was one of the moments in which I laughed the most when reading a series, it was truly epic and every time I think about it it puts a smile on my face. I love the detailed and precise way in which you write each of your stories and how each of them manages to be unique and unforgettable. I also love and appreciate the time you take every time to reply to my comments, I really like the fact that with your answers you make me enter even more into the story thanks to the fact that you add small details or your thoughts. Thank you so much for everything🫶🏼

You are all extremely talented, sweet and kind! Reading your stories and interacting with you is always a pleasure! I truly appreciate the passion, love and time you all dedicate to your work and for this I can never thank you enough! Thank you so much for keeping me company, for making me laugh (even cry sometimes) for taking the time to respond to my (often very long) comments and above all making my year better with your wonderful stories and with your availability and generosity. Grazie mille!

I wish you that 2024 will be a year full of love, joy, happiness and successes and that all your wishes will come true!💗✨

what an amazing love note 🤍 have a happy new year!

end of the year positivity night 💌

#end of the year celly

[0ne-shot]

night terrors as you rest.

bjsjshs could you tell i dont feel creative with fic titles rn ANYWAY my brain is still so so full from rereading the metal virus arc and a vision came to me of espio's trauma from that. nightmares are still abundant for the poor teen lol. so i wrote a small fic about it in like. a day. enjoy!

-------

…..

It appeared again.

After thinking those events from 2 weeks ago had finally left his mind for good…

It still creeped into his head.

The distorted images of Charmy and Vector’s metal-coated bodies didn't leave his mind, even in his sleep.

But everyone was cured..? Why was this burden, that wasn't even a result of his fault, still weighing down on his mind until it caved in?

It was an innocent inquiry.

Something that Espio would ask himself to cope with the notion that– oh no, no, he DID know why it was still there.

That heavy guilt and grief that Espio had been carrying in his heart—still after everyone was cured—stayed. Stayed with no intention of growing a wall around itself to let itself be forgotten and pulled back those past images of his friends -– no, family, still with their bodies wracked and coated with metal until there was no more trace of their individuality. Just mindless zombots. 

That’s what they were seized into during that time.

 Worst of all? 

He couldnt even fucking do anything about it except helplessly run around to safe evacuations until he himself became one with them. Maybe that was fate. The most comfortable fate there, really. Out of all the screaming, mercy-kills and trying to save others, he’d pick that time of himself being infected to relive. To pay for the same pain he couldn't save his friends from.

Any pain– any sort of pain he had gone through or could’ve gone through then didn't amount to a speck when Charmy was punished for just trying to be a helpful child. Punished by being slowly dragged down a pool of zombots before he joined with that pool.

Or when Vector had to go through heavier grief for the loss of the kid, trying to preserve him before a cure could be found—all until Charmy escaped while infected and Vector had to latch onto him so nobody else could be put in danger. Then the door shut. And that was it.

Nobody else.

Nobody there with him.

His mind kept on tampering and entertaining situations of what ifs and gruesome outcomes of both his teammates – no, family, –  not coming out cured. Stuck like that.

And with it flashed Charmy’s infected body, how the youngest had to go first, how the little kid had to go through so much pain and agony while nobody was there to answer his cries—

``Espio..?``

..!-

Reality faded.

He wasn't sure whether it faded in or out.

But the ceiling fan he was suddenly gazing at and the small voice next to him proved the former.

``Espio!? Are you…?``

Espio’s head shot up as he jabbed his elbow to the mattress and sat up straight, breathing heavily and sweating as his heart pounded—ironically after rest.

“Rest”?

….

That wasn't rest.

He was better off not sleeping.

He finally turned his gaze to the voice and as he predicted; it was Charmy. Sitting next to his bed with fuzzy antennae drooped sadly and a worried look filling his bleary little orange eyes.

``Charmy!`` Espio frantically replied,  ``You’re…`` 

….

 It was… almost strange to see Charmy worried. Espio never got the chance to really see the bee’s face so genuinely somber and concerned.

It only pumped that guilt further and further into Espio’s heart.

But maybe that was worth the coming relief.

It wasn't real.

It wasn't real.

What you experienced. Was. Not. Real.

They’re still here. Still with you.

Espio took a deep breath and attempted to gather his thoughts.

``Why are you awake? I assume it's already late.`` Espio tried his hardest to speak in a calm, quiet voice to Charmy through the panic-induced rasp that was clogging his throat.

``You were breathing really, really fast in your sleep.. and I got worried.``

…

He was?

He assumed he was silent through that whole nightmarish sequence. But if he was actually hyperventilating enough to wake up and worry Charmy…

Gaia, did he disturb the kid’s sleep because of it?

``...I'm fine. It wasn't anything note-worthy. You should go back to sleep.``

Every feature on the ninja’s body screamed otherwise to being “fine”. His usually swirly tail was still stiffened straight with those images running through his mind, and his heart was pounding wildly in shock from that nightmare.

But, still. Espio didn't want to cloud the bee’s mind and remind him of what happened to him during the metal virus: he had already moved on. That was for the better. The kid didn't deserve to think about that again. But he knew Charmy was one to press on, evidently so. So, the chameleon could only silently pray that he would not ask anything that couldn't be avoided without an answer.

``Espio…`` Charmy muttered with that concern still lingering in his head, ``That’s not normal to do while sleeping. Were you having a nightmare?``

…

Shit.

Guess the universe wasn't feeling like answering that silent prayer.

There’s not many things in the world that can explain full on hyperventilation in sleep other than a nightmare or night terror…

Maybe if he just… could set aside what the nightmare exactly.. was…

``...`` Espio nodded in response to Charmy’s question, before trying to shrug it off.

``About..? It must’ve been freaky—I’ve never seen you so.. scared before.``

``I… It’s not worth noting.``

``Are you sure?`` The little bee pressed on.

Flapping his wings, Charmy flew over and climbed onto Espio’s bed, shuffling himself closer to the chameleon with his innocent eyes eager for an answer. He seemed to want to help calm down Espio with maybe a small side hug, or a pat on the shoulder, too; but the bee was hesitant with that decision considering Espio’s hate for physical touch. Especially when Espio’s stressed, like now.

``...I- It was just a night terror that.. isn't worth getting worked up on,`` Espio spoke through slightly panting breaths, ``and besides, I don't want to remind and stress you out, too.``

``It’s not gonna help bottling up whatever scared y— wait, “remind me”?``

…

Espio slipped out the very thing he was trying to avoid…

Realization slowly pooled in Charmy’s eyes.

``..Oh.``

…This should’ve been expected, huh?

He shouldn’t have tried hiding this.

Hiding this from Charmy, of all mobians.

…But before Espio could try and still save himself from this, he felt a small pair of arms cling around his own—doing what they feared to do before.

``...Espio.. It was okay to tell me, y’know?... I was scared during then, too.``

Charmy then cautiously nuzzled his head onto Espio’s shoulder. 

The ninja’s breath hitched.

He wasn't used to this. Used to having a younger one who you should be looking after, looking after you. Comforting you. It felt so alien to him.

It felt so alien with anyone comforting him, really.

It was mostly Espio’s fault for it, wasn't it? He’d always try to convince himself that walling off his vulnerability was the best thing for him; the best thing for everyone around him, too. Those emotions rarely seeped out, and when they did, every thought was cancelled out for one goal to get it together again and remain stoic once more.

The same thing happened just now, too.

The last part was the only thing that varied.

 His mind was screaming about how this wasn't right, and he shouldn't even have inadvertently told the bee—let alone burden him with his own fears and emotions. Charmy suffered more pain than he did, but he was the one soothing Espio? The chameleon felt so selfish for it.

…But his body said otherwise to his mind as he gently returned Charmy’s hug, wrapping his arms around the bee’s fuzzy, warm body.

His chest felt a little lighter.

He could feel Charmy’s wings twitch a little in shock when his arms returned the favour. It was clear the bee didn't foresee Espio actually accepting the hug—let alone hugging him back.

``...Charmy?``

``Mhm?`` Charmy’s eyes gazed up at Espio, face still nuzzled in his shoulder.

``...``

``Thank you.``

Espio didn't know how else to express it.

Words didn't do any sort of favour, really. But he just… needed to get it out somehow.

The ninja couldn't see, but he could definitely sense a small smile emerging onto Charmy’s face as he tightened his hug around Espio.

``No. Thank you.``

….

They stayed like that for a while.

It felt so soothing. Staying in that position as his breathing finally calmed down and his heart’s pace started to relax.

The images — those horrifying images — slowly faded away back into subconsciousness.

Espio would’ve remained so still for just a little while longer until Charmy’s small yawn reminded the chameleon of the fact that it was still past midnight, and now extremely late. Cases were waiting tomorrow, so was a long, long day. They should get to sleep now..

But Espio didn't feel like letting go anytime soon…

In result, wordlessly, he slowly adjusted his grip around Charmy before slowly lowering his body and putting his legs onto the mattress again as he rested his head on the pillow; now cuddling the fuzzy little body in his arms. He felt Charmy finally comfortable enough to nuzzle his head onto Espio’s chest as he let his eyes flutter shut in sleepiness. 

Espio’s chest felt a lot warmer now.

For a while, Espio’s eyes remained blinking blearily and his hands still stroked Charmy’s fluffy fur—the very thing that lulled the bee back to sleep in the first place.

He stared at the window beside him.

This was quite the long night, huh..?

Espio didn't think it’d turn out this way, but he wouldn’t have chosen anything else for it.

He wouldn't trade this moment for the world.

Exhaustion came to Espio eventually, and he let his eyes close and his hand rest still on Charmy’s head.

``G’night, Charmy…`` Espio slurred with tiredness.

A few more blinks, then his eyes closed.

And the world grew dark again as Espio finally let himself drift off.

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note: charmy ily <3 best bros ever

#no matter what charmy is still a sweetheart and i will die on that hill #lil bro comforting big bro <3 #my brain was deprived of fluff i aM STILL FAMISHED GRAJHGH #anyway :) tagging time #charmy bee #team chaotix #sonic #sth #sonic the hedgehog #espio the chameleon #espio #charmy the bee #fanfic #fanfiction