#i dont think i can ever be the same

[plutoslvr]

so i'm rereading trc with my friend and we're currently on bllb and i just read chapter 30 and in it blue's asking malory what gansey used to be like before he moved to henrietta and the gansey that malory describes to blue is so different from the gansey she currently knows and i just cant stop thinking about it.

first off, malory describes gansey as "small" as in not just his height but as in gansey was young and it makes sense because at the time gansey was 15 but it just kind of does something to my heart when i think about young, small gansey trying to figure out why he's still alive.

malory then goes on to say, "He was still trying to prove that he hadn't just hallucinated. He was still quite obsessed with the event [his death] itself." gansey first died when he was 10 and to be obsessing over your death for FIVE years trying to convince others but mostly yourself that you didn't make it up that you actually died and not some part of a childs imagination it must've fucked with him so bad???

then malory tells blue exactly how obsessed gansey was with his death and was to the extent that he was always drawing bees and hornets and "Got screaming nightmares over it- he had to get his own place since I couldn't sleep with it [...] Sometimes these fits would happen in the day, too. We'd just be toddling through some riding path in Leicestershire and next thing I knew he'd be on the ground clawing his face like a mental patient." the gansey that blue currently knows doesnt act like that but this was only two years prior its fucking INSANE and it's here blue starts to think about the facade gansey had learned to throw up since he was a kid.

AND IT GETS WORSE SOMEHOW?? earlier in bllb in chapter 3, gansey talks about how he felt like running and how it had been a long time since he had felt that way. at the time it didn't make sense like wdym by that gansey but then back in chapter 30 malory tells blue how gansey just disappeared one day. left most of his bags and left without a word to anyone not even his family who then called malory to ask for gasneys whereabouts. "He picked himself up and moved on so easily, so quickly. He had done it so many times before England, Jane, and it was old hat to him."

it makes blue rethink every conversation she had with gansey previously, similarly to when adam heard gansey's voice of fear in the cave in chapter one where gansey had the panic attack because its around this book where the gangsey start to figure, as blue puts it, "It was more like the Gansey she'd seen was a partial truth."

it's so very easy to pass off ganseys insecurities and his feelings about how he should comfort other people but they shouldn't do the same for him because he's had it the easiest (his words not mine) because he himself skips over it so fast. like he'll mention something and then act like he's never thought or said it, like its something normal which really isnt and then it slowly makes sense that gansey throughout the series, starts to lose that mask (there's multiple masks but thats a conversation for another time) and the readers and the gangsey get to see what the real gansey is like instead of the bulletproof, untouchable gansey they're used to seeing.

the idea of gansey running is insane in a good way because its nothing like the gansey we know, plus paired with the fact about how young gansey has me clawing at the walls because he's just this kid desperate to prove he wasn't hallucinating, trying to find some purpose to his life before he finds it in henrietta. a kid who was still terrified of his death who relived it, screaming every night who still had panic attacks anywhere and everywhere and would end up clawing at himself because there's hornets everywhere. a kid who doesn't stay in one place too long who learns to put on an easy smile to convince everyone okay and gets so good at it that it works and people think that hes normal and okay when he's anything but.

idk pre canon gansey is something that i need to inject into my bloodstream and analyse in a lab.

#thinking about the different masks gansey has is so crazy like gansey on fire the gansey his family sees the gansey aglionby sees #SORRY LONG POST #FUCKKKK GO TO THERAPY GANSEY #chapter 30 bllb has changed my life in insane ways #i dont think i can ever be the same #richard gansey #trc #the raven cycle #bllb #adam parrish #blue sargent #idk malorys last name sorry

[linkedin-offficial]

kitty colony au anybody?

#dont mind me just channeling my inner warrior cats fan #i tried so hard to make the patterning and colors realistic but still recognizable . btw #im not really a genetics nerd but i try Sometimes #yes ragatha and jax are siblings #half siblings to be exact (jax's father is a lynx while ragatha's is not) #first time ive ever drawn a monkey too! truly a learning experience #anyway i wouldnt nessesarily call this warrior cats? but it can be in the same universe. maybe #i wont tag it as warrior cats since they dont live by the same ideals obviously #theyr just kitties :3 #and yes caine is a runaway circus monkey. howd you guess #i like to think im smart #the amazing digital circus #tadc au #tadc pomni #tadc ragatha #tadc jax #tadc gangle #tadc caine #tadc bubble #tadc zooble #tadc kinger #the gangs all here :3 #theres no rime or reason for this au to exist i just wanted to take a stab at drawing them all as cats #so take this how you will #tadc colony of cats au

[wasyago]

oh boy, what are we doing to do with you now...

#jrwi riptide #jrwi chip #my art #sketch #jrwi spoilers #jrwi riptide spoilers #riptide spoilers #is it in the same exact color pallett as the last dead chip art? yes #why? i dont know #am i going to draw another one like this? maybe... #its a fun pallett what can i do.... #changed the design ever so slightly. removed the veins from his neck because it was just too much plus i don't think i want to- #pull up a ref with vein locations in human neck every time i draw chip #plus like. surely the veins were black just because his throat was damaged by the heart. surely they'll calm down later. haha #oh and his hair are a little lighter. i was debating making them gray as well but decided against it #my boy already looks like Scar from 3rd life. he doesn't need more....

[luxshua]

The winners of the life series all had their own ways of winning:

1. Grian loyalty, playing into every one of Scar's schemes no matter how stupid they seemed. His win came from blood and tears, a descion made surronded by sand and cacti.

2. Scott defiance, he was never going to play the game the way it was designed. Why would he take life needlessly, no his win came from the refusal to do the watchers bidding.

3. Pearl alone, discarded by her soulmate, discarded by the one who pulled her into the nether in the first place. She won with her ties cut, she won not of her own descion but of the one who decided for her.

4. Martyn scavenger, taking time where most convient, stealing kills from right under peoples noses. His win came when even his trusted ally had his guard down, feral and desperate for just a drop more time, even if it left him frenzied and alone.

#the life series #trafficblr #limited life #grian #pearlescentmoon #inthelittlewood #scott smajor #life series spoilers #limited life episode 8 #just a little thought i had in my head watching martyn's last episode #they all had their own unique ways of winning their games #god the theories the angst the pain you can pull from this series its magnificent #i live this series so much #i dont think their series would hit the same if it was all scripted #something about coincidences and pattersn reameraging organically hits so different #it leads into some of the most impactful moments #some of the best reactions #because no one knows it will happen till it does #2 years of one of the best minecraft series ever #till the next one o7 #and martyn if you end up reading this nice win i was rooting for you from the start #might actually put together a martyn cosplay finally been planning to for 2 years now 😭

[fossilizedhysterics]

hiiiiii sanders sides fandom. is this anything original by @punkitt-is-here !!

#do NOT like my patton design one bit i have never been able to pin down what i want him to look like #i dont WANT to give him a mullet bc i give like everyone a mullet but idk it never looks right without the extra hair #recently ive been looking at jane crocker homestuck whenever i draw his hair idk if you can tell #i ALSO cant tell what hair COLOR i wanna give him #and i also cant ever figure out outfits for him. like hes the only one i really consistently draw in his canon outfit #bc i just never know what else to put him in #i feel like the way i drew him here looks a lil like brett hand. which i think is VERY funny. same guy basically #forever weed brownie #sanders sides #remus sanders #patton sanders #sasi #thomas sanders #ts sanders sides #art #my art #fanart #intruality #not explicitly. but in my heart

[chickenoptyrx]

....I just wanted to draw gators :T at this point these 2 are more 'a representation of my last 2 brain cells' then they are actual characters 😅

#im living vicariously through the cartoon guys #because i want to A. pick up gator (strong man style) #and B. ..pick up gator (hug) #ok but so i recently found out an area where i take stupid little walks for my stupid little mental health #has! GATORS!! (potentially. theres signs.) #and this is great cause seeing gators would def heal me as a person #but ok so when i look for hiking places i always look north cause the terrains more hilly #but now im lookin south more cause turns out i AM in fact far enough south to see gators!! #and yeah looks like theres a handful of nature reserves w hiking trails the same distance away as the little mountain trails i go to #its flatter and the trails are less extensive so ill hafta see if i think its worth it #but then too theres a really big black water swamp that.. further away then i wanna drive.. #but also i drove 5 hrs once just to go to mammoth cave as a day trip so.. we'll see.. #my friend says he wont go w me tho :T he'll just report me missing #this has been a tag ramble about my sudden outset intrest in seeing a gator #my bullshit #lol barely but still #also- i told myself not to over do it drawin the scales or coloring it #and as you can see i dont listen to myself ever #lol they look outta place but idc i got to draw 2 of my favorite characters and also ALLIGATORS :U #living the dream rn

[puppyeared]

Remember how they pointed out that Palistrom wood was becoming rarer? Because Belos kept over harvesting it and not giving it time to grow back?

The University’s tree is blue. Its a big ass Palistrom tree

#I THINK. PROBABLY #I haven’t seen any other trees in the show coloured blue. but it has the swirls like Luz’s log #ALSO THE LIGHT GLYPH CARVED ABOVE EDAS OFFICE SNIFFLE #I’ve been seeing a lot of posts abt how the isles are recovering from Belos like removing the coven tattoos and #eda raine and king stomping on Belos. but I thought this was a nice callback #Belos didnt just hurt the people on the isles. he also destroyed a lot of stuff that was culturally important #palistrom makes companions and tools for people on the isles and Belos took all of it for himself. greedy bastard #ALSO if u notice on the banner above the University’s entrance theres a symbol shaped like a titan skull #and if you look at the scene with raine ever wolf and Darius you can see they have the same symbol as a badge or on Darius’ belt #so I assume that means the Isles also formed a new government after Belos died. the fact its shaped like the titan is also cool cause they #dont need to rely on some puritan to lead them pretending tk have their best interests in mind #the Emperors sigil doesn’t even have anything associated with the Isles in the first place either. its Belos imposing his own beliefs #yapping #the owl house #the owl house spoilers #toh #toh spoilers #toh watching and dreaming #watching and dreaming spoilers

[tittyblade]

okay ive been thinking.

rb with your answer + what your interpretation of barbie/ken is

#mcyt #technoblade #OKAY this is really dumb but bear with me DBJSBDJ #(dont read my og tags before u vote i want to hear ur own interpretation!!) #to me a ken is like a himbo. just living his best life unbothwred #and barbie 100% knows what she wants and how to get it shes a capital g Girlboss okay #SO IM THINKING. techno’s obviously a barbie have you ever watched any of his videos #BUT AT THE SAME TIME. being a barbie all the time would be so exhausting youve got sm shit to do #so in conclusion i say. hes a ken that can be a barbie whenever he wants. will he be tho? who knows #depends on the weather or wether he took his adhd meds that day

[cheriboms]

need i say more 🕴

#back to the future #bttf #marty mcfly #michael j fox #my arts #how do i tag #this was gonna be my post yesterday before i saw the pic of crispin and lea lol. but i still liked it so yeah u guys can have it now :P #me when two marties at the same place on the same day 🤯🤯 #also that second outfit is the funniest thing ever #pov ur in 1955. 1st pic when ur parent [read: “uncle”] dresses u vs 2nd pic when u dress urself #he felt so cool for what #silliest boy ever <3 #also trying a slightly different style. idk if ill keep it? i was just trying stuff out w simplifying likeness etc #i dont think this is a v good example but i do have a proper headshot that i think actually looks like mjf so like. yah #we will see if/when i post that. im getting really off topic sorry bye

[somethingaboutmint]

Blocking every annoying fallout fan and taking away new vegas until you all learn to behave

#like im so serious i dont think ive ever been more annoyed at my dash #can you all learn to enjoy things. #every single criticism ive seen so far has been ' once again this proves new vegas is the only good fallout game' #absolutely nothing constructive #ive also seen such dogshit takes about the series as a whole like. jesus christ #i dont care if i get labeled as a bethesda shill i think you guys are just wrong about what fallouts about in general #like i think new vegas and the bethesda fallouts can both be different takes on the same thing and none of them are inherently bad

[starry-bi-sky]

more cfau miscellaneous things because Childhood Friends Danny and Jason have my head and heart always and I need to finish rewriting chapter two dammit (and redo the half-finished chapter 4 because its just Not The Vibes). i'm almost through I need to get through the graveyard scene. (i just stubbornly refuse to have it be shorter than the original chapter and thats the little death. that is the mind killer.)

Danny and jason’s ghost forms both smell faintly like burnt flesh and cigarettes. However, Jason has a more smokey smell while Danny’s smells almost,,, electrical? In a sense? Like he just straight up smells like burnt flesh and sulphur while Jason smells like someone put him in a smoker first.

It’s very much an unpleasant smell but Danny finds an odd comfort in it just as much as he finds a comfort in the smell of nicotine.

(Jason post-revival smells burnt flesh once and is immediately offput by the fact that it brings him an instinctive comfort. He doesn’t realize its because it reminds him of Danny, and is uncomfortable by it.)

-

In an au of an au, Danny’s altercation with Rath ends with Rath regaining enough of his sanity to snap out of the grieving state and ends with him breaking down. Instead of being souped and imprisoned, Rath, who is permanently 14, decides to Move On into the unknown. He’s exhausted, heartbroken, and tired.

(Is this influenced heavily by the ParaNorman scene where he talks to Agatha and helps her move on? Yes. But it doesn’t fit with the Original Storyline so im shoving it into an Au of an Au.)

Rath tells Danny that Jason lied to them (which he genuinely believes), and that he’s tired of waiting/looking for him/grieving. Jason is gone. He isn’t coming back, he abandoned them. And he wants his mom and dad, and his sister, and his friends. And he’s ready to join them.

He leads Danny out to Gotham, which other than Amity Park might’ve been the only city left untouched due to Rath’s own mental block on the place. They go out to the park he and Jason used to frequent or up to one of crime alley’s rooftops, and there Rath lies down and goes to sleep. Only to never wake up again, materializing into nothing as his soul moves on.

Before Rath leaves, he forces Danny to promise him that he’ll only wait for Jason for ten years. After that if he doesn’t find him, or if Jason doesn’t show, then Danny has to move on. Whether that be like how Rath does, or if its inly mentally/emotionally, doesn’t matter. He has to move on. Don’t wait for him. Don’t waste his time any more.

(“Oh, and if you find him, kick his ass for me.”)

Danny reluctantly agrees, and Rath lies down. Danny sings to him as he falls asleep.

(Angsty points if the vigilantes including Red Hood caught wind of their presence and were silently watching from the shadows. Rath might know they’re there, but Danny’s too focused on Rath to notice.)

(If only so that Red Hood realizes that this is what happened to Danny, and that Danny is gone before he can make things right. The tragedy, folks. The angst. The initial realization that Danny was Rath, and then also that Danny was dead and has been dead for years, and that before he moved on, he moved on believing that Jason abandoned him.)

(like i said it doesn't fit in the original timeline/storyline hence why its an au of an au and isn't nearly a fleshed out, but i was largely just focusing on the tragedy of Rath moving on and Jason being alive to see it and realize just who Rath is.)

-

Just like how the Lazarus pits shot Jason's twiggy 4'6-5'4 (depending on what you find) feet tall and 86lb ass up like a tree an essentially fixed his malnutrition, the portal did the same thing for Danny.

(granted i forgot about malnutrition and danny's likely stunted growth at first -- his family lived in crime alley and despite both his parents working, I don't think they had enough food all the time. He probably wasn't as badly malnourished as Jason was, but he wasn't healthy either.)

Granted his ghost in its "natural" state (14) is short, and his growth spurts were slow at first, it did result in him reaching his dad's height. There were points where it just happened overnight, like a baby. He went to bed one night 5’6 and woke up the next day 5’10.

Jazz is shorter than him. Although I have't decided if she's even liminal at all (and if she is, it didn't cure everything because she would have also suffered childhood malnutrition, and since in au canon their parents didn't get their hands on physical ectoplasm until after they got to Amity Park. So the exposure is less.)

-

Danny's voice absolutely sounds like canon Dan's. It kinda just dropped one day when he was 16-17 and never went back up. Sam and Tucker sometimes ask him to just talk about anything because they find his voice soothing.

I'm not sure yet how Danny would feel about it at first considering Rath, but I imagine that Rath, when he did speak, would have had a quieter and scratchier/weaker voice considering he's spent the last decade shrieking and crying.

(and i suppose technically that shouldn't have any effect on his throat considering he's a ghost and idk if that would actually affect him, but i like the idea so im keeping it)

In the beginning you could hear him from a mile away by the sound of his loud, echoing wails, but ten years later you can only really hear him by the soft, shuddering sobs he makes. Like he's gasping for air that isn't there. The future is full of very quiet survivors.

And it's much easier to speak when you pitch your voice upwards (especially when whispering/speaking quietly) so he might've spoken in a higher, airy pitch in order to be heard. So Danny might actually find a comfort in having a lower voice.

#tw mentions of gore #cw gore #i suppose this counts as gore #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc #dpxdc crossover #childhood friends au #cfau #really leaning into the idea of rath just being a horror. the horrors! i am delighted in the horrors! #im having fun with it #i swear to god turning 19 turned a switch on in my brain because i am much more comfortable with gore and heavy injury now than i was l #literally a year ago. the urge to write about some of danny's most horrific injuries in his fights is STRONG #like the hORRORS folks. *th horrors*. i dont think i'll ever write a dissection fic because that icks me out but the idea that danny's had #to stitch up his own throat because it got slit in a fight nd he cant shift back to human until he's done because his ghost will survive bu #his body wont #the idea that he's been impaled multiple times before and it hurts each fucking time but he still gets up and hurls the hurt right back in #equal measure. because that's how you wanna play? okay. lets play. he's 14 and his best friend is dead. he can play. #and the idea that all ghosts have 'corpse' forms where their ghosts look exactly like how they died. and danny is utterly unrecognizable #jazz being liminal or not just isnt important to me because she's barely gonna show up in the story anyways #same reason why i hardly use the headcanon that ellie becomes danny's daughter because what use is she to me like that? she'll hardly have #an impact on the story and i refuse to treat characters like props. if they can't help progress the story then they aren't included

[3-aem]

i also don’t want to portray myself as faultless. my work isn’t ai and it isn’t copied. but nk will say i Had old pieces that were copied and referenced ai. Yet it isn’t good faith when i apologize, state how i took accountability, and explain thats definitely not the case today because i learned my lessons- to respond with well you made these mistakes in the past so how can i believe you, you are lying, and have not changed.

so i quit. how can i prove myself then besides what i mentioned in the last post. my question is will you even ALLOW me to prove myself. each time i must explain, i place a spotlight on something that was resolved agreeably with the artists, resolved by removing the works, and resolved within myself by learning from it. but by not saying something i also allow You to concoct narratives and have to watch people spread them around and come to me demanding apologies. it is a very uncomfortable very distressing process that has worn me down completely.

never mind that other artists who have copied have not nearly been requested to apologize as much as i have been. never mind that they were forgiven when they removed the works or even when they just say sorry and don’t remove the work at all. But you still choose to hound me afterwards for doing just that?

nk has stated that i have not fixed this. and that i must address it. how many times though? for how long also? who on this planet starts the conversation by recounting all their mistakes, especially when they know they are resolved.

i have had to learn my lessons through cruelty like yours. trust me its a trauma i have to bear and they are not lessons you then forget.

my anger and my feelings of defeat come from the fact that even after nk was still talking like i had not even attempted to make progress. just look at your tone here.

#im going to fking throw up this is the last time i will ever say this #do not come begging to be for another apology i am done #i will never address this issue again okay #i need to say this because no matter what when i see people supporting me now i feel guilty #i recognize it is just because i hate myself #it is because i havent accepted i made mistakes #but i cant accept it because people cant accept it #i cant accept it and i cant move on #and that is why i think its best to leave art #i cant make work i am proud of anymore #i dont want to list names of artists #but i will say that when king chris reposted my work without credit i viewed it the same as when i referenced other artists work #but there was no callout no request even from the comments for credit #and he has millions of followers #i felt like i could not stand up for myself because i have this history #because of this history i can never properly defend myself i feel i must always kneel to it #even though i have changed and realized i was wrong i still have to acknowledge it always

[mishapen-dear]

Cant sleep so im thinking about ayhalo

I think its like. one sided. qaypierre WOULD smooch that demon and take him on dates. qbad would not recognize anything as a romantic gesture. aypierre could throw a bouquet of chocolate roses at him and bad would just be like ! thank you :}

like they love each other, absolutely. they TRUST each other, to the point where i’d even say it gets in the way of bad seeing aypierre as anything more than a good friend. that’s his guy. The dude always in his corner. Friend resource label: team mate (coparent) (down to help kidnap people). bad doesnt do classic romantic relationships- all of his relationships are INCREDIBLY queer, but the closest he usually gets to what others read as romance is a classic chewtoy4chewtoy dynamic. He LOVES to fuck with people and he loves to get fucked with and if there’s a nice jawline or pretty muscles included?? huge bonus !!

he’s got something- not kinder, with aypierre? not calmer, either, but stable, maybe. pierre has proven, over and over again, that he’s on bad’s side. Spying on tubbo, encouraging bad’s pranks, the kidnapping- i can’t call it a reliable dynamic, not with how paranoid bad is, even when he trusts, but there is still a feeling of understanding that, wherever pierre’s limits are for when he cant support bad (or genuinely turn against him), it hasnt been reached yet

aypierre, on the other hand, i dont know enough about to be absolutely sure but there are some Vibes. ironically, i think hes feeling like his relationships are unreliable. max was going to have their baby, and then he wasnt, and then he left him, then max fucking died. plus whatever is happening with him and ayrobot, which probably leaves him feeling like he cant rely on Himself. like he had, if not a little crush on bad, at least some Interest in him, before. as well as several islanders. i remember the days of the Bed Threat.

but thats part of it, too? because those flings didnt have that emotional connection, and i always got the sense that he started looking for that with maximus, to Love and Be Loved rather than pure lust. To care about someone, genuinely, and be cared about in return. but he didnt get that with the flings, and We know that max was using him, but i dont know if he did, but maybe he had a feeling about it and maybe he also had a feelinf about maximus’ feelings towards bad and maybe- there’s something about that? A little push of not-spite-not-projection onto bad.

because bad IS that reliability, right now. he’s a fucking gremlin. a bastard. a prankster silly guy. he trusts aypierre and aypierre trusts him and they dont share everything but so often, when it comes down to it, it is them against the world. them in the corner, caught, aypierre shouting about kissing as a cover for their crimes while bad runs giggling away from him.

#qsmp character analysis #qsmp shipping #<- because i DO think bad would be down to ~fornicate~ #but i dont think pierre drifts into that chewtoy zone enoufh for bad to get that Obsession #theyre kidnapping and escaping buddies !! who share food and secrets and strategies !! #but bad would do the same with the other french yknow #god i could go on for YEARS about how queer qbad’s relationships can get that demon is full of LOVE and that love is QUEER #i could make an argument that even his parenting style is affected by his queerness #in the way that he takes on all required roles for the eggs and cares for them SO MUCH #and SO OBVIOUSLY #as a dad/uncle that you dont often get to see in fiction #to the point where he is still in some way seen as a mother figure #but thats a whole different post #anyway this is part-analysis and part-silly written at ass-o’ #clock in the morning #if i remember ill come back to tag the ship for filtering purposes but i dont wanna throw ‘i think its one sided and exacerbated by grief #and general yearning for love/stability in an ever changing world’ when prople are just tryin to make em kiss #i respect the kisser causers have fun yall im enjoying seeing it #god i need to sleep #ayhalo

[cloudysfluffs]

tickling your human host is SO unfair

(ns//fw and/or fetish blogs please dni🙏🙏)

#my art #tickle art #um. i dont know what to say about this #this is EASILY the most self indulgent thing ive ever posted. so much so that i worked THIS HARD and still considered not posting it #might delete later :pensive: #but you guys SAID YOU WANTED SA//M AND MA//X ART!!!!!!!!! bet you didnt think itd be about this guy huh #im gonna be real with you all papier///waite is just my favorite character Of All Time. easily #why? dont ask questions. just look at him #SPOILERS for tdp obviously #but the first time me n rocket played 304 together #and we saw the reveal of. THESE GUYS. #we both paused the game and went 'HMMMMMMMMMM' out loud #because we both thought the SAME THING. #honestly summoning a tentacle god is lee behavior. whats he gonna use those for? wrecking you? #the answer is yes #imagine being ticklish and also being a lee and accidently fusing with your Favorite God #and he can READ YOUR MND. and picks up on being a ler SO fast. #THATS BEEN THIS GUY'S LIFE FOR 100 YEARS #sam and max the devils playhouse spoilers #sam and max tickle #anyway. *closes eyes for the last time*

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

do you think that what the doctor usually feels for companions, rather than romantic or sexual attraction, might just be idolisation?

#just thinknig abt how 13 calls river 'on eof the best people ive ever known' #which might just be her echoing yazs words bc that seems to be the only way she knows how to communicate #but it's also like the most open i can think of the doctor ever being wrt how they feel abt river #and thinking of 10 in the satan pit going i dont believe in god i believe in rose instead #and how much of an influence rose had on the doctor #maybe its less the companion does a doctor arc and more the doctor and the companion will inevitably grow toward each other #clara and the doctor matched in specific ways that just like maybe amplified them #they didnt like balance out they become More Them #did everything the way the other wouldve done who wouldve done it the way they wouldve done #feedback loop #13 mightve worried for the same with yaz honestly #they wouldve become something very different to 12 and clara i think but no less powerful #terrifying in different ways #maybe less 'i'll kill the world to get you back' and more 'i'll kill myself to get you back' #more inward-focused in that part of it while more outward focused in the like adventure parts #Helping People rather than 12claras adrenaline junkie adventure seeking #not that thasmin arent also adrenaline junkie adventure seeking and 12clara dont want to help #just like a slightly shifted focus #i think thasmin want to feel....important. useful. helpful. more than 12clara. i think 12clara are just looking for a good time in each oth #rs company more #but idk #anyway do you think the doctor idolised yaz back as much as yaz idolised her? #DO you think yaz idolised her? #i have a really hard time getting int he doctors head abt companions. like how they feel abt them Really #but like. idolisation would be a really fun one to add into 13s head i think #what if she wants to impress yaz just as much as yaz wants to impress her oh my god #('tell me youre impressed')

[quietwingsinthesky]

see my brain just doesn’t register the idea of anyone having a ‘one true love’ which is why the common fandom tropes of making canonical love interests terrible in order to justify why your ship is better always bugs the shit out of me. it feels like the only reason you would do that is if the idea of the characters in your ship having any other sort of romantic relationship that was important to them, even in the past, is a threat to their current one, therefore all their past relationships need to be demonized in order to make them ‘not real love’ so that they remain pure and chaste and ready for the True Love of the endgame ship.

#im not crazy right like other people notice that trope ajd get annoyed by it right #its a very weird trope to be so common from my perspective because like. why not just. break up the couple you dont want. #for reasons that arent ‘i made this person into a charicature of themselves to justify why my blorbo would have never actually loved them’ #you know? its weird. its weird right? #and then of course there’s the offshoot of this that intersect with fandom misogyny where that demonized person is usually the female love #interest. or sometimes not even that. sometimes she was just standing there a little too close to one of the guys and that made people feel #insecure about their ship so they make her a bitch. gwen cooper. im. im talking about gwen cooper. people do this to gwen cooper and ill #never know peace about that. #anyway. is there a word for like. heteronormativity for monogomous people. because thats what i think this falls under. #because it is a very. like its a very conservatively monogomous idea. i feel like it is not unrelated to christian values of not having sex #before you’re married. that maybe someone in fandom might manage to ditch that particular ruleset to make their blorbos fuck nasty but NOT #the underlying idea of it that you can only ever have One Person you share that love and intimacy with. so you still end up perpetuating the #same toxic beliefs. you know? sorry im rambling it just annoys me