#reposting this again bc i will never be free | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justwritedreams · 6 months

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House Of Cards | San

San x Reader, exes to lovers au!, mafia au!

Word count: 12.013 (hehe)

Genre: angst, suggestive, fluff at the end

Warning: mention of crimes and violence, suggestive, language, San in a pool bc that's a warning. If you don't feel comfortable DON’T READ IT!

Author: Maari

Note: Ok so that was an imagine that i wrote with got7 yugyeom but reading again i decided to repost with san, because i think it fits him more.

Summary: It seems like your ghost from the past came at the best time to save you.

Taglist: @foxinnie8

⪢ Ateez Masterlist

“Miss Y/N.” She heard her own name echo through the corridor and turned around, coming face to face with one of the security guards whose name she hadn't yet memorized.

"Yes?"

“Mr. Kim wants to see you.”

She took a deep breath. She had just arrived at the hotel, he himself had told her to go up to the presidential suite

“Tell him I’m coming.”

“Now, miss.” His serious tone made her stop in her tracks and look at the security guard with some concern.

It wouldn't be good to go against Seungho's rules. It never was.

She nodded and followed him, the shower she planned to take would have to wait a little bit.

A while ago she would have sighed at the elegance of the hotel but unfortunately for Y/N, she was starting to get used to that life.

Well, used to wasn't quite the word. Conformed was more certain.

As she predicted, the security guard took her to a private area of the hotel, she was sure that Seungho had requested that only he frequent that place and with the great influence he had, it wasn't denied.

Y/N approached him alone and in silence, seeing him sitting in an armchair staring at the glass of whiskey he held.

"Wanted to see me?" She crossed her arms behind her body and swallowed hard when he looked at her.

She hated the weight of his eyes on her.

"Come here." he patted his own leg and she got the message, taking a deep breath before sitting on his lap.

Seungho ran his free hand down Y/N's back and stopped at the base of her lower back, the smell of alcohol was permeating his pores and it was enough for her to realize that this wasn't the first glass of whiskey.

Y/N didn't understand the sudden affection until he approached and kissed her lips, as always in a thirsty and quick way that caused absolutely nothing to Y/N.

Except disgust.

"You didn't call me here just to kiss me, did you?" she questioned, raising her eyebrow.

"No, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy it." he approached once more but Y/N immediately avoided it. "Alright, I need you to stay by my side while I partner up."

He held out the glass of whiskey and she held it, reluctantly, her brow furrowed.

"Why? You're not going to introduce me as your girlfriend, right?" His eyes dropped to the small neckline of Y/N's dress.

She would have shifted uncomfortably if she hadn't been in his lap, that might have given him ideas she didn't want him to have.

"Don't be silly, of course not." Seungho's cold tone didn't even shock Y/N. "You know women with your beauty make business easier."

She blinked and blinked, in disbelief.

"Do you want me to seduce a future partner?" she asked, not as incredulous as she would have been in the past. This had been quite common, actually.

"No, I don't want you to go to bed with him." He responded possessively and angrily. "I just want you to give us the privilege of admiring your beauty." his hand ran up the spine to the back of Y/N's head.

She took a deep breath, she hated having to do that ridiculous act but it wasn't like she could say no, she never could.

"Okay, I'm just going to change my clothes." She got up from his lap, she was ready to get out of there, but Seungho held her by the hip.

"No, he's already coming." Seungho got up from the chair and moved his hand away from her body. "You look pretty sexy anyway." he spoke quietly, making her understand that his partner was closer than she imagined.

She lowered her head to look at her own heels, she should have chosen another dress before going to the hotel. That one seemed too short for her own taste but what could she do if Seungho had liked it and the pair of black high heels?

She lived to please him.

Noticing that she was still holding the glass, she downed the whiskey in one go so that she could gain a little more confidence to do the dirty work.

"Mr. Kim." the partner spoke friendly and Y/N swallowed the alcohol, which went down her throat and felt her heart stop when she heard his voice.

She knew that voice…

"Please, call me Seungho. Sit down."

Y/N lowered her head and opened her eyes, watching as Seungho pointed to the front seat and the two did so, with shaky legs she sat in the seat next to Seungho's and her eyes stopped on the future partner's hands.

Years could pass, but she would never forget those hands, not when they showed so many times the love that their owner felt for Y/N.

With complete certainty that this was really who she thought, she raised her head after letting out a sigh and her eyes met his for the first time in so many years, making her press her fingers against the empty glass she was holding.

Y/N felt a mix of emotions, her hands started to shake just with his eyes fixed on her, she didn't fail to notice that he analyzed her quickly before turning his gaze to Seungho, she got goosebumps from head to toe and asked herself how could he still do that to her? And what was he actually doing there?

"Choi San, right?" Seungho asked, making Y/N return to reality.

"Correct."

"Your secretary called me."

"We are very interested in a partnership with you, Seungho. I believe it will bring benefits to both parties, as my partner has already explained everything to you." the two maintained a rigid posture but unlike Seungho, San was elegant.

Of course, the gray suit San wore was very different from the hoodies he had and that she remembered, it suited the formal atmosphere they were in but it went beyond his appearance.

San's aura was different, as he was ready for that.

"Yes, it was a very productive meeting."

"I'm just here to finish the deal." San quickly looked at Y/N and a smile appeared on his face.

This disconcerted her, and she left the glass on the arm of the chair and clasped her sweaty hands to try to hide her nervousness.

"Well, I can pay you the first million right now if you want." She rolled her eyes discreetly, Seungho loved showing off how rich he was. "Just a minute." He got up from the chair and looked at Y/N quickly, walking away, leaving her alone there and ready to collapse.

If Seungho wanted her to seduce San now, that was a bad time.

But it wasn't surprising since he had never learned to read the atmosphere when she was near, he never noticed when she was uncomfortable or happy, because for him it didn't make any difference.

She looked back at San, still feeling vulnerable about being in front of him again after so many years and took in every detail of his face that she had never been able to forget.

He was different. His face was no longer so thin and youthful, now his features were stronger, more masculine.

The black hair that she remembered falling into his eyes was now perfectly pushed back and the side cut made him look much more handsome and mature.

Even in a suit and tie, she could see that he wasn't as thin as he used to be.

He was no longer the boy she had known, he was a man and very attractive one.

Her body vibrated for her to come closer and she felt her fingers tingle to touch his face one last time, like she hadn't had the opportunity in the past.

He continued to analyze her from top to bottom, much longer, which made her tremble all over.

Taking a deep breath, she decided to find the courage to do what Seungho had told her to do.

"You're getting a great deal, you'll be very pleased." the attempt to use a seductive tone failed due to the way her body was reacting.

She looked like a robot programmed to say that.

“That’s what they say, but it’s not the business I’m interested in.” San seemed to know very well how to use his voice in a low tone and something inside her warmed in a way that hadn't happened in a long time.

Y/N was left with no response and Seungho returned, probably thinking she had gotten what he wanted.

Little did he know that the spell had turned against the sorceress.

“What do you say we play poker while we settle the transaction, San?”

"It would be amazing." he got up from the chair and Y/N's eyes followed him.

She got up from the chair but made to go to the other side towards the uncovered part of that area, but she didn't even take two steps as Seungho held her arm tightly.

"Where do you think you're going?"

“I think the little act of being your luxury slut was enough for today.” she responded firmly and he tightened his grip on her arm, to the point of hurting it.

“Don’t play with me, Y/N, I want you by my side until the transaction is over.” His eyes were fixed on her face and for a brief moment, she was afraid.

Looking to the side, she noticed that San was watching them a little further behind Seungho, with his jaw clenched and with a rigid expression.

“I’m not going to sit at that table and watch you play that fuck poker that destroyed my life.” she turned her gaze to Seungho who now seemed to have understood. “You really like torturing me, don't you?”

“One day you’re going to have to stop blaming the cards, my love.” he let go of her arm, and Y/N controlled herself from crying.

It would be pointless and pathetic.

He walked away from her with a wry smile and passed by San, who stood there for a few seconds staring at Y/N until he shook his head and followed him.

She left there, feeling suffocated and her legs were shaking like never before, no longer able to control her tears, she leaned against the wall and looked at the clear sky, all the memories that she had been forced to bury came back with much more intensity.

[...]

7 years ago

“Get out of my house, please.” she begged without having the courage to look into his dark, gentle eyes, she would weaken if she did, especially if he was crying like her.

“Y/N, explain to me what’s going on.” he pleaded and she had to choke back a sob.

"It's over. Go away." She touched the door handle with her back to him, she was about to open it when he gently grabbed her arm.

“Something happened, right?" she took a deep breath before looking at him, feeling her heart break into thousands of pieces and sink into her stomach.

“What happened is that I don’t want you anymore, San. Don't insist." Her voice came out shaky and she knew she hadn't convinced him yet, she was about to break down in front of him but she couldn't. “We’re too young, it would never work.”

"Are you sure about that?" San slowly let go of her arm and looked at her completely lost.

She didn't respond, just opened the door with a silent message for him to leave.

No scene broke her heart like that when she saw him leaving with his head down, hands in his pants pockets and a tear running down his face.

She needed all the strength she didn't even know she had left to ignore the urge to hug him and tell him how much she loved him. Instead, Y/N closed the door and fell to the floor, now without needing or being able to control her crying.

She cried about so many things, she couldn't even list or understand what he cried most about, but she was sure she had made the biggest mistake of her life.

She had never felt so empty.

She was angry, scared, sorry and most of all, she was sad.

Because she had lost the only joy in her life, for a mistake that wasn't hers, for a decision that wasn't hers.

“Daughter…” Y/N looked at the stairs and saw her father coming down the steps, deflated and with a guilty expression.

She passed her hand over her face, drying her tears and got up from the floor. With long and silent steps, she walked past her father with the intention of locking herself in her room.

She would still have that night to sleep in her bed.

"I'm so-"

“Don’t finish that sentence.” She turned angrily, glaring at her father as she sighed. “I did what you wanted, now leave me alone.”

[...]

In recent years, Y/N has tried to erase that memory from her head. She didn't want to relive it like she did in the first nights when her life had changed, when she was brought back to reality with nightmares.

She didn't want to feel again the hurt she had towards her father for doing that to her and even less did she want to feel her heart break again when remembered San being devastated because she had broken up with him.

Even though she had managed to bury that day in the depths of her consciousness, that emptiness was always there.

And now here she was, being haunted by the ghosts of her past and crying like the heartbroken teenager she once was.

She wiped her face, thankful for her makeup being waterproof, approaching the balcony and surveying the bustling city.

A wave of nostalgia washed over her. She missed home, the happy moments she lived that were now just memories, she even missed her father. But mostly, she missed who she used to be.

The girl who had dreams and insecurities, which were always hushed up by San.

He was always everything for her, the kisses he distributed on her face and the convinced way he said that she would achieve everything she dreamed of, made her believe at the time.

She stayed there for a long time in silence, alone and without security guards watching her every step, making her feel free.

“It’s a wonderful view.” Y/N jumped in fright when she heard San's voice so close.

Looking to the side, she noticed he was next to her.

How and when did he get there?

“Yeah, the city is amazing.” she replied, still feeling her heart beating faster, she just didn't know if it was because of the scare or just because of him.

“I wasn’t talking about the city.” she felt San's eyes boring into her and a shiver ran down the back of her neck.

Since when was San so direct like that? Who had he learned to be like this from?

“Aren’t you supposed to be playing poker or something?” she changed the subject, still looking at the city.

“An hour ago I was.”

Y/N frowned.

Hour? Had she stayed there for an hour?

“So you closed the deal.” She took a deep breath and found the courage to look at him.

San nodded silently.

“You don’t seem very happy about this.” he smiled sideways, leaning on a pillar.

Happy? She didn't even know what that was anymore.

“I just hope you know what you’re getting into.” she shrugged, sighing.

“Why don’t you explain it to me?” San looked at her intensely and she returned it, unable to look away.

She could, a part of her screamed at her to do so, but she knew what she had to lose and she couldn't risk it, not now that he was there and she couldn't protect him from Seungho's fury.

"You wouldn't understand."

“Maybe I should warn you.” he took a step towards her while keeping his tone serious, without looking away.

“I'm not kidding, San. Be careful."

Y/N's intention was to get out of there quickly, but he stopped her from continuing when he gently grabbed her wrist.

The contact made her stop, her heart beating faster. Feeling his touch again was everything she had asked for, being close to him was much more than she thought she deserved.

“So let’s be clear that I’m not kidding either.” She could practically feel his breath, his face was so close she could touch it at any moment if she stayed there. “In nothing I did or said today.” She swallowed hard and looked at him, seeing the conviction in his dark eyes and once again, she was left speechless.

She wanted to cry, for so many nights she had dreamed of those same eyes and it seemed like a dream that he was there so close to her and at the same time so far away, because even though he was the San she knew, he was no longer the same.

He had a certain power, a fire in his iris that she had never seen before, that she couldn't identify.

But it was very different from the way Seungho looked at her as if she were his property.

Y/N's eyes went down to San's lips, they looked extremely inviting and she wondered if it still tasted the same, the attention she returned to San's mouth didn't go unnoticed by him as he wet his lips with his own tongue.

Before she could get even closer to him, Y/N blinked a few times until she remembered where she was and who she was with, if Seungho arrived at that moment it wouldn't be good, especially for San.

Thinking about it, against every cell in her body she pulled away from San and his touch.

“Have a good day, San.”

She got out of there as quickly as her feet would allow her before she did something she would regret later, she didn't look back and was thankful once again that she was without security guards.

She arrived at reception and Seungho was leaning on the counter with his phone to his ear.

“Y/N!” he called with his free hand and turned his attention to someone else on the other end of the line. “Matt, I already took care of all that.” She approached him paying attention to the conversation, it was probably something related to their return. “You know she's good for much more than that. Okay, I’ll be there.” he hung up, huffing.

"Problems?" Y/N asked without the slightest interest.

“I have to receive a load today from the other side of town and they require my presence.” he informed, irritated.

“I’ll go upstairs and get our bags then.” she pointed to the elevator and was ready to go when he stopped her, raising his hand.

“No, Y/N.” he scratched his head and she knew something was wrong. “I haven’t finished the entire transaction with San yet.” she crossed her arms, waiting for him to finish. “And you know this hotel does business with me.”

"I know that."

That part of the city was heavily influenced by Seungho. Hotels, banks, even the hospital operated when and how he wanted.

“A luxurious dinner will be held to welcome Mr. Choi.”

“What’s all this-” she frowned.

“I need you to accompany him to this party and explain that I had an unforeseen event but we will finish tomorrow when I arrive.” he interrupted her and Y/N felt her expression fall.

Would she be alone with San for a whole night by his side?

"What?" She didn't want to show despair but it had become difficult after that. “No… I can’t… I can’t.”

Explaining to him what was really going through her head was out of the question.

“I need this partnership. Matt will be with me and you are the only one who can be here representing me.”

“Postpone receiving the load then.” she shrugged and he took a deep breath, visibly irritated. “I’m not you, I don’t have to deal with your business.”

It wasn't part of the role she had played in those years. For business, she was just the statue that if she winked at the partners, with the right clothes, she could make them close the deal faster.

Seungho was too jealous to let her be alone with a man for two hours, let alone an entire night.

This then meant that whatever the deal was with San, he didn't want to risk losing it.

Annoyed, he held Y/N by her arm with a somewhat unnecessary force, making her look into his eyes, to see that he was serious.

“I'm not asking you to accompany him, I'm ordering you to.” In fear, she lowered her head, giving up. “Don’t worry, my love.” He got closer and his mouth met her ear. “Tomorrow we will have all day to make up for the time we lost.”

She wanted to laugh but held back, sleeping with him was the last thing on her mind at the moment.

In fact, her mind was too busy with images of San in a suit.

[...]

Y/N spent the entire afternoon getting ready for dinner at the hotel with the help of a small team that Seungho hired to make her look magnificent.

Small because she had begged him, she wasn't a Hollywood actress after all, a football team taking care of her appearance for a simple dinner was unnecessary.

He had made it very clear before leaving that she must use every trick to convince San to wait until tomorrow. For Seungho, this was her only role, to seduce his partners.

Seduce, never go to bed with them.

Because for Seungho, she had to have her eyes focused only on him, and according to his theory, the more instigated to have Y/N, the more the partners would be committed to maintaining an agreement.

Basically, she was there to make these men fools, believing that one day they could have something with her behind Seungho's back.

At eight o'clock at night she was ready and couldn't deny that the job had been well done.

The red dress was long with a strap on one side and a detail at the waist that made it much more elegant, black sandals on her feet and ruby earrings that Seungho had given her, like the countless expensive jewelry she had been receiving in recent years.

She believed that he gifted her with expensive and luxurious things just to keep her with him, as if it made her wonder if she could live without flaunting the good life she had achieved.

Each piece of jewelry increased her indifference towards him, because it made her feel like she had been bought by him again.

The makeup had highlighted Y/N's face in an elegant way and she insisted on wearing red lipstick, she was trying her best to do the job, finally her hair was left loose but left aside.

She even tried to take a deep breath when she left the room but she couldn't lie to herself in that situation, she was nervous. More than that, she was anxious!

Seungho had left one of his security guards to take care of her, of course he wouldn't be that stupid, but when she arrived at the main hall and saw San smiling at some people he was talking to friendly, Y/N totally forgot about security or anything else.

It would be cliché to say that she couldn't take her eyes off him, but it was the truth, he looked wonderful. Breathtaking.

He wasn't as formal as he was in the morning, he was wearing a suit but without a blazer, just a black vest, the sleeves of his white blouse were rolled up to his elbows with the first two buttons open and his tie was slightly loosened.

He had his hair pulled back but with a few strands in his face.

God, even if he tried hard for 20 years he wouldn't be able to get ugly.

San realized he was being watched and looked towards Y/N, smiling brightly at her and he came to meet her quickly.

“Miss Y/N.” He took her hand and kissed it gently, like a perfect gentleman and it was enough to make her heart skip a beat, and her legs tremble slightly. “You look gorgeous.”

She smiled restrainedly.

“Thank you, Mr. Choi, I must say you look really nice too.” she tried to keep her tone formal to keep the theater for security.

"Would you like something to drink?" he looked at the security guard and she understood what he was planning.

"Of course." she replied and he put his arm through hers, she looked at the security guard who was watching them closely. “You don’t need to follow me, I’m fine.” she ordered and he agreed, stopping where he was and San took her away.

“The compliment was true.” he said without looking at her face.

"So was mine." she replied quietly, feeling her cheeks burn.

“You got a babysitter from your boyfriend, huh?”

Y/N could feel the jealousy in his voice and it made her smile discreetly.

“The babysitter isn’t for me, it’s for you.”

They arrived at the mini bar and he ordered two drinks.

“Is he afraid you’ll fall for my charms?” he turned to face her and got closer, making Y/N get lost in his scent.

That was it, she was intoxicated by everything about him. The smell, his voice, the heat of his body, which wasn't enough because she knew he was much hotter than that, she just needed to get closer.

“Actually, he’s afraid you’ll run away.”

“And you’re here to make sure I stay?” he asked, raising his eyebrow.

She searched in her head a decent answer but all that came out was just the truth.

“I’m here to make you stay.” she said even though she wished she could do otherwise.

If she had the power, she would make San move far away from her and Seungho, for his own good.

“And how do you intend to do that?” he took a step forward, their bodies practically touching. It was incredible, it seemed like he could read her mind.

Because she wanted to get closer, enough to put her hands on his broad shoulders.

“He asked me to seduce you.” she replied quietly and couldn't take her eyes off his mouth.

“Can you do it or will I seduce you first?”

Y/N didn't imagine that San would be so sexy like that and as dangerous as that game was, she was loving it.

What she remembered was a much shyer and not so confident San.

She held back the urge to bite her lip.

“You’re going to need a lot more than whispers to seduce me.��

Of course, as if she could convince herself of that.

He had just approached her and she was already feeling weak in the knees.

“That’s what we’ll see.” San smirked and walked away at the exact moment the bartender brought the drinks.

He handed the drink to Y/N who drank some while observing the room.

She managed to identify at least three more Seungho's bodyguard, and it wasn't surprising since she knew he would never leave just one of his men watching her.

Not when she had already tried to escape from him a few times in the past, without success, obviously.

No matter where she went, whoever she asked for help, Kim always found her and brought her back.

She was so lost in her analysis that she didn't notice when San brought his mouth to her ear to whisper.

“Can I show you something?”

She suppressed a smile and took a deep breath before looking at him, seeing him smile so close to her.

His smile still had the same effect on her, as if the sun had risen in the cloudy sky. It was the light in the midst of darkness.

It wasn't like she had the strength to deny it.

He held out his free hand and she took it, being led out of the room soon after.

The party took place near the pool and only a thick, red curtain separated the two places, Y/N sighed as she observed the full moon, which was brighter than usual, she had never seen it so beautiful.

San let go of her hand only to sit on one of the lounge chairs, she turned to face him when she felt the touch disappear and came closer but still remained standing.

“What did you want to show me?” she asked, quite curious.

“Nothing, I just wanted to be alone with you.” he confessed, resting his hands behind his head after placing the drink on the floor.

Y/N swallowed hard at the movement, as his arms were in evidence and she thought it more prudent to remain silent, this time returning her gaze to the crystal clear water of the pool, feeling not only her cheeks heat up but also her heart.

It seemed like even if she wanted to bury the old version of her that night, she couldn't.

“I know it’s been years, but I want you to know that I never gave up on you.”

She looked at him at the same moment, San didn't take his eyes off her and spoke with such conviction that it left her speechless.

All she wanted was to be able to throw herself into his lap and kiss him all at once. Only if the situation had been different, if they hadn't met again like that...

But time wasn't fair to them, it wasn't in the past and it wasn't now.

“I think I prefer it when you flirt with me.” Unable to contain herself, she spoke out loud and wanted to beat herself up for it.

“I can do that too.” he shrugged, getting up from the lounge chair. “I can do a lot of things.” He got closer and she felt her body go still at the short distance. This was the time she should take a step back, right? “Especially the ones you want.” she felt his hand on her wrist, going up her elbow in a pleasant way and making goose bumps go up her arm.

Damn it.

Y/N held the glass tightly, trying her best to remember what she was there for and especially what she shouldn't do.

San noticed the tension and took the dronk out of her hand, ending the sudden affection, placing it on the floor but Y/N wasn't prepared for what would come next, thinking he would just stare deeply at her like he had been doing.

But one of his hands found her waist while his mouth found her cheek, placing a soft, lingering kiss on the warm skin.

“You shouldn’t tease me like that.” She closed her eyes, letting herself go for a few seconds.

“Afraid to like it?” he asked close to her ear and his mouth went down to Y/N's chin, involuntarily one of her hands tightened on the arm that was holding her waist.

"This is wrong." Her voice was nothing more than a whisper.

It was? Wasn't she on board with Kim's plan?

“But you want that." He bit her chin, and she could feel him smiling.

"No." although her mouth said something, Y/N's body said the exact opposite. She dug her nails into San's arm and felt her body getting weaker and weaker.

She mentally begged him to kiss her and end that miserable tension.

“Y/N…” she stifled a moan when she heard her name being spoken so quietly by San’s seductive voice.

It was wrong and dangerous, but why did it feel so right?

She felt that San was about to kiss her, she felt his breath against her mouth and no matter how much her rational side screamed for her to stay away, her emotional side was controlling everything because that was what she wanted from the moment she saw him in the morning.

She had missed so much being in his arms, feeling loved, protected.

She felt San's lips so close, her own hands going up to his shoulders and she was ready to give in, when his lips touched hers just enough to make a slight tickle, the image of Seungho with a gun appeared in her head.

"No!"

Y/N pushed San and suddenly he no longer held her, not even his perfume covered the radius they were in, she opened her eyes to find him startled.

She took two steps back, placing her hands on her forehead, now regaining lucidity.

What was she thinking? How could she think of putting him in danger like that?

“Don’t do that” she trembled, feeling her eyes tear up. “I’m trying to protect you.”

“But, Y/N…” he took a step towards her and she raised her hand, asking him to stop right there.

He obeyed, confused and hurt.

"You wouldn't understand." she shook her head to get the image of Seungho finishing him off from her mind.

“Maybe if you explained it I could.”

She ran her hand over her own arm, not knowing what to say. If he continued to insist, she would eventually give in and things wouldn't end well.

San followed the movement and his eyes stopped at a specific place.

“What’s that scar on your arm?” he asked and she automatically stared at her own skin.

Y/N blamed herself for not choosing a long-sleeved dress, mainly because the scar was recent so it was lighter and she hadn't even remembered about it.

"I need to go." Once again she deviated from the subject, if she continued there she would end up saying everything she shouldn't have and that was definitely out of the question.

She would never forgive herself if something happened to San because she had told him everything, even if that was her wish. To finally clear things up, after so long.

She ran out of there as best she could, avoiding passing through the room where that damn party was taking place and hoped that San wouldn't go after her, deep down she knew he would leave her alone after that outburst but she only became calmer when the elevator doors closed with a bang, her inside that cubicle.

Unable to control it any longer, she let the tears she had been holding back for a long time fall, it seemed like an eternity before she arrived at the presidential suite.

She stumbled into the elevator because of her tears and took the opportunity to take off her heels right there, she no longer cared about her appearance as she had been taken care of for hours. Seungho's plan hadn't worked anyway so screw the party, the appearances and all that stupid luxury.

When she arrived, she threw her heels in any corner of the huge, cold room as she closed the door behind her, ran her fingers through her hair and took off her dress without any will.

All she wanted most was to lie in bed and sleep for a good twenty years.

And even she tried, she knew it wouldn't be easy to sleep that night, not after everything that had happened and to make even worse, everything she had tried to forget about the past was playing intensely in her head.

The memories she had with San, all the first times with him, from when they met until the day she broke up with him, her happy childhood and her difficult adolescence of having to deal with her father's addiction that affected the entire family.

Hugging the pillow, she let the tears fall again as she lay there alone once again, as it had been repeating since her father had spoken the harsh words that had changed her life.

[...]

It was already past 10 am when Y/N decided to leave the room and go to the pool, the weather was nice to take a few dips and that would help her forget everything that had happened, at least for a few hours until she was away from that hotel.

She put on a very simple white bikini, a long white button-down blouse so she wouldn't be walking around the hotel with nothing covering her body, white flip-flops and big glasses to hide the dark circles under her eyes from last night.

Luckily for her the pool area was empty and Seungho's security hadn't come after her so far, which meant she was free for who knows how long, she left her things on one of the sun loungers and her sunglasses were also left behind.

It didn't take long to enjoy the warm water, trying to wash away any traces of guilt and uncertainty.

After wetting her hair and swimming a little, she leaned against the edge, closing her eyes and feeling the sun on her skin as if it were giving her strength back.

She tried not to think about anything, just wanted to enjoy some time she didn't usually have, alone and quiet with her own conscience.

She felt the water become more agitated but she didn't pay any attention, she was feeling so light that she didn't even care that someone was there too.

The pool was big enough for that.

However, when she realized that someone was too close, she couldn't help but open her eyes and look at whoever it was.

Y/N need to rest her arms on the edge of the pool when she saw San standing in front of her with a shy smile and no shirt.

She had a very privileged view of San's bare torso, she knew he had gotten stronger but she couldn't imagine how much and she couldn't even disguise the way her eyes observed San's broad and strong shoulders, going down his chest. She couldn't see his abs clearly because the water was getting in the way of having a clear view of how defined he was, but realizing that he was there in just black swim trunks made her lose her train of thought completely.

Even with the water distorting a little, she could see how thick his thighs were.

Okay, San had turned into a personification of some Greek god and she couldn't stop looking at him to burn every bit of him into her memory, which conflicted when she remembered what he was like in the past.

She had never imagined that he could be so… hot.

She cleared her throat, trying unsuccessfully to hide it, and looked away, missing the opportunity to see his raised eyebrow.

“I didn’t think I’d see you so soon.” she spoke quietly.

“I was worried about you.” he admitted firmly and she swallowed hard.

“Let’s not talk about last night, please.” she pleaded, sighing and looking back at him.

San was serious, not mad at her, but he seemed to be trying to figure her out.

“We will need to talk one day, Y/N.”

“If that's why you came here…” she started to leave, but was stopped by San who put his arm on the edge of the pool and brought his body closer to hers, still without truly touching her. "What do you want?" she asked, pretending to be impatient.

He put his other arm on the other side, trapping her there and Y/N had nothing to do but look him in the eyes.

“Does he hit you?” it was simple and direct, making her jaw drop slightly.

"What…?" She released a breath that until then she hadn't even realized she had been holding. "Who?" She tried to pretend she didn't understand.

San cocked his head to the side, only to stare at her more intensely.

“Kim Seungho.” he spoke the name between his teeth. “Does he hit you, Y/N?” he asked, this time his tone became more serious and his eyes locked with hers.

He already knew the answer without her even answering, but he wasn't going to give up so easily because the only thing he needed was for her to tell the truth and then they could find an alternative.

"No!" she replied desperately, her voice became even thinner. “I mean, where did you get that idea?” she crossed her arms, trying to be defensive but she was actually scared.

If San found out the truth, she didn't know what he might do.

“That scar wasn’t made for a silly reason and now seeing you in that bikini, in addition to seeing that your body is still beautiful, I can also see some purple on your legs and belly.”

She swallowed hard, trying to think quickly of a convincing answer.

“The scar… I've had it since, uh, I was a kid” she forced her throat to stop stuttering but his attentive eyes weren't helping. “and the purple ones… well, I’m very distracted.”

“Do you think I don’t remember all your scars, Y/N?” He brought his face closer to hers and she didn't have the strength to turn away. “I had the image of your body in my head for years, I remember every inch of you.” she felt her body shiver and sighed slowly. “Tell me the truth, Y/N. Please." he pleaded.

One of her hands touched Y/N's face, making a pleasant caress and she couldn't stop herself from closing her eyes when she felt the soft touch.

“That’s a low blow.” she spoke quietly, fighting her eyes that insisted on closing.

"And yeah?" she could feel he was smiling. “You know, I remember you loved a kiss below your ear.”

Of course she loved it mainly because only he knew about it.

She couldn't think about much or open her eyes because his mouth was already practicing what his voice announced.

Y/N put her hand on San's shoulder and found that the sun did a great job of warming their bodies, but their skin wasn't the only thing that was hot there.

Her hand squeezed San's exposed skin, suppressing a moan as she felt his breath right next to her neck. She was unable to reason with that sudden approach, nor even breathe properly like a normal person.

"So?" he asked, lips touched her skin as he spoke but Y/N was too lost in that sensation to remember what his question was.

San moved his face away and she opened her eyes at the same moment, missing the contact, he looked at her, urging her to respond.

"What?" was all she could say.

“Y/N, I’m waiting for an answer.” He raised an eyebrow and she felt her legs tremble again.

Her mouth suddenly became dry and she had to use her own tongue to wet it, a movement that didn't go unnoticed by San.

“Do you think… I have the capacity… to talk after this?” she was panting and hadn't even kissed him.

San laughed softly, his dimple showing.

“Good to know I still have some power over you.” he said, cocky.

“It’s so much more than that, Sannie.” he smiled sadly at the old nickname. “I have always loved you and I will always love you.” her hands went to his face, making him look deep into her eyes. “But I can’t tell you, forgive me.” she said, seeing him take a deep breath. “Please don’t continue with this transition, cancel this damn partnership. This is all too dangerous and I would never forgive myself if something happened to you. I just…” she looked down, unable to continue, water was calm but a storm was still coming.

San brought a hand to her chin, making their eyes meet again.

"Just…?" he urged her to continue.

“I’m afraid of losing you again.” she confessed, straightforward.

San didn't say anything and neither did she dare continue, she had already said too much, he then brought his face closer to hers and ended that distance once and for all, Y/N could only close her eyes when San's soft and warm lips touched hers. So softly that it made her sigh against the kiss.

He didn't deepen the kiss or move his lips, he kept the touch for a few seconds that lasted for eternity and Y/N felt her eyes water even though they were closed, the hand that was still on Y/N's chin went down to her the back of her neck when he broke the kiss and her heart seemed to want to jump out of her mouth, she didn't even know how she was still standing.

Without the courage to open her eyes, because she knew she would cry like a child in front of him, Y/N didn't expect San to hug her so tightly that it sounded like a goodbye, the kind that leaves you breathless.

She grabbed him by the neck and rested her face on his shoulder while the tears ran down her face and got lost on San's skin, she could have stayed there hugging him forever.

San ran his hands down her spine and caressed her, feeling his breath on the back of her neck, Y/N closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling of being safe even if for that brief moment.

The sun burning on their skin lasted as long as the hug, which none of them had any idea how long it had lasted, but it had been enough to strengthen Y/N.

“Never forget what I said.” she spoke quietly and walked away, feeling cold and empty again when she no longer had San's warmth surrounding her, and swam towards the stairs.

She wanted to keep that image of him smiling and welcoming her, that was the reason she didn't look back as she got out of the pool and picked up her things from where she had left them.

She hoped that one day San would understand why she kept a secret from him and who knows, he could even one day forgive her.

She knew that she had hurt him in the past but it wasn't because she was cruel, she was just trying to protect the one she loved. Including San.

She looked at her feet on the way back to reception and was ready to go to her room, but that wasn't exactly what happened.

A pair of expensive shoes stopped in front of her, stopping her from continuing on her way and she would have been rude if she hadn't been taken by surprise.

Seungho was in front of her with his arms crossed and his expression not at all pleasant.

“Beautiful scene, I think it deserves applause.” his voice was cold and he didn't even blink, she knew what was coming next and even so it didn't stop her from starting to shake with fear. “I’m just going to ask once, what the fuck was that?”

[...]

Y/N tried not to sob loudly but despair and fear were speaking louder this time, she didn't even know which floor she was on and she couldn't even think about stepping into reception.

With all of Seungho's security guards downstairs, all that was left for her was to sit on the floor of one of the floors of that hotel while she felt weak and helpless.

She brought her hand to her mouth to try to muffle the sound but when she felt liquid in the corner, she pulled it away and stared at the blood on her finger.

Her blood wouldn't be the only one that would be spilled, she felt anger take over her body and rubbed her hand with the other to try to get the blood out.

“Y/N?”

She looked to the side and even though her vision was blurry because of her tears, she recognized San and sighed with relief.

San knelt in front of her and touched her chin, the lighting in the hallway was low but it didn't stop him from noticing some things, Y/N brought a hand to San's face to make sure he was really there with her.

"What happened to you?" He made to put his hand on her face but decided not to when he saw the tears that were still flowing. "Come with me."

He picked her up slowly, Y/N felt my ribs throb but ignored it as she wrapped his arms around his neck.

He walked to the end of the hallway and opened the door to one of the rooms, from which she could see that it was the one he was staying in.

San placed her carefully on the edge of the bed and ran to lock the door, turning on the light in the room and Y/N's eyes watered even more.

In addition to irritation, shame too.

“Can you turn off the light, please?” her voice was weak and choked, she saw San's shoulders sag and looked away from him.

He did as she asked, leaving the room for a few minutes until he returned with a first aid kit.

Y/N took a deep breath and he approached, kneeling in front of her and held her gaze, when she saw that he wasn't going to say anything she looked at him and nodded, accepting that he would treat her injuries.

San did everything necessary and when she hissed in pain, he gently stroked her arm, looking closely at her.

“It was him, wasn’t it?” asked quietly after a quite time in silence, she noticed that he was controlling himself to remain calm.

Without the courage to respond and without any confidence in her own voice, she just nodded, listening to him take two deep breaths.

“How long has this been going on?” Y/N stared at him firmly this time, seeing him with his jaw clenched.

She wasn't ready to hear the answer but it was fair to him, even more so now that he was in danger.

"7 years." she replied quietly, shrugging her shoulders.

San got up from the ground, scratching the back of his head and then clenching his fists.

“That’s since…” his breathing got heavier. Since she had broken up with him, yes. “Y/N, you need to report this guy.” He knelt in front of her again and looked into her eyes, which were already teary again. “You need to step away.”

Carefully, San held her hands, bringing the comfort she needed at the moment.

"I can't."

"You must." he encouraged her and she shook her head, looking in any corner of the room.

“San, I can’t.”

"And why not?" he asked in disbelief.

“Seungho is influential. If I send him to jail for a few days, he might…” she trailed off, completely panicked just thinking about the possibility.

"Might what?" he instigated, he needed an answer and one that would convince him.

“Go after the one I love.” a sob was stuck in her throat. “You don’t understand, San. I have no choice, I can’t betray him, I can barely say no to him.”

He slowly pulled away and she took the opportunity to bring her hand to her face, wiping away the trail of tears.

Her head hurt, her eyes burned, her body was tired and she didn't know what to do. She was terrified.

"What do you mean by that?" He narrowed his eyes and she looked down, already knowing where he was going. “Can’t you say no to anything?”

She nodded silently.

It was difficult to speak out loud, even more so to relive everything she had been through with Seungho in recent years, even though she felt absolutely nothing for him other than contempt, touching those wounds hurt.

“If I dare to say no, this happens.” she pointed to her face.

San looked at her worriedly, his gaze more attentive than ever.

“Y/N…” she fell silent, waiting for him to continue. “Did he force you to do something you didn’t want to?”

San didn't need to say or emphasize the specific word because she didn't need to, she just lowered her head in shame. She couldn't look him in the eye.

"Yes." Y/N didn't even hear her own voice admit it.

All that seemed to have been enough for him, who was now shaking and keeping his hands clenched, the vein in his neck was popping out and he stared at the wall behind Y/N with hatred.

“I will kill him with my own hands.” he spoke slowly, getting ready to get up

"No!" she held San by the hand, preventing him from taking any steps. “San please don’t go.”

She despaired. That's what Kim was wanting.

After having "taught her a lesson", Seungho was very clear that he wouldn't stop until he killed San for having dared to touch what was his, for having had the audacity to kiss Y/N.

She couldn't even say anything, it wasn't like she was going to tell the truth about San's identity or else things would be much worse. Seungho wouldn't only kill San, he would torture him for finding out that he was the one she loved.

And she knew he wasn't joking, his bodyguards were in the lobby to make sure San wouldn't leave there. It didn't matter if he was alive or dead.

"Don't ask me-"

“Don’t leave me here alone.” She tried to get out of bed in a hurry but all she managed to do was trip over her own feet thanks to her throbbing leg.

San was faster and held her by the waist, helping her sit on the bed again very carefully.

“Y/N, don’t get up.” His hand stopped on her thigh, checking if she was okay.

“I just want to forget everything that happened.” she sighed, looking at him sadly.

Maybe it wasn't the best time for it, but San was the only person who could make her forget even her own name and that's what she needed.

“I want to be your Y/N again.” she touched his face, the words seemed to have an effect on him, he understood what she meant but was reluctant. “I just want to feel your touch, even if it’s for one night.”

Y/N's hands slowly trailed down his neck to his hard pecs and his eyes wavered momentarily.

“You’re hurt,” he reminded, voice lower. “I can't-” she put her finger to his mouth, shushing him.

“The only thing I can’t take anymore is this distance.”

San swallowed hard and held her wrist, still undecided whether to push her away or not. It was clear that he wanted this as much as she did, but he was afraid of hurting her.

“I thought that’s what you wanted to do in that pool.”

He looked at her firmly, reading if she had any trace of doubt, but when he realized that she was convinced of what she wanted, he brought his body closer to hers so slowly that it left her intoxicated and his hands went to her waist.

His eyes focused on her mouth and he brought their faces closer, leaving her anxious for what was to come.

But San didn't rush things, quite the opposite, still without putting their lips together he ran his nose along the length of Y/N's face from one side to the other, feeling the soft texture of her skin against him, one he had never forgotten.

Y/N sighed and closed her eyes, her hands still on San's chest, and her heart beat even faster when she felt his lips gently touch hers, making her grab his shirt.

San kissed her carefully and affectionately, his warm, wet lips dictated a slow rhythm that indicated he was just savoring and making up for the time they had lost.

San broke the kiss and she was already panting, without the strength to open her eyes, and then he started a new kiss a little faster.

Y/N took the opportunity to bring him closer, pressing their bodies together and made him move, leaning forward, taking his hands from her waist to rest on the bed as their tongues finally met again, thirstier than ever.

Y/N hugged him around the waist with her legs while her hands went to his back, while San took the opportunity to rest his elbows on the mattress so that his body weight wouldn't hurt her.

He treated her like a porcelain doll, fragile to the point of breaking and although she found all that care very cute, it still wasn't what she wanted.

So, she grabbed his shirt and pulled it up, that useless piece of clothing was just getting in the way anyway, he broke the kiss just so he could take it off while her hands went back to his chest, going down to his abdomen that she stroked.

She felt his skin crawl between her fingers and smiled, now she could see perfectly how much he had worked out over the last few years and she just couldn't stop feeling the texture of his warm skin, as if she could memorize every inch.

"Surprised?" he asked, his husky voice making every hair in Y/N's body stand on end.

She bit her lower lip.

“Not quite the word I would use.”

San laughed softly and brought his face to her neck, where he began to distribute wet, hot kisses, making her rub her hips against his and scratch his abdomen while she closed her eyes.

“There’s someone desperate here.” he confirmed and bit her earlobe, making her squeak softly.

Not because it hurt, but because she liked it. Very much.

“You teased me enough at that party” she replied and he decided to move the kisses to her chin, smiling.

"Thank you love. Red looks great on you too.” He bit her chin as he spoke, now kissing her neck and chest even further. “But I prefer you in that bikini.” He moved the neckline of the dress she was wearing enough to sink his nose between her breasts and her hands automatically went to the back of his head. “Or maybe without it.”

One of San's hands found the end of her dress and began to lift the fabric, he moved his own torso enough to be able to remove the piece from her, which she desperately helped him pass over her own arms.

He took the opportunity to kneel on the bed and observe her in just her underwear, she felt not only her cheeks but her entire body heat up, he looked at her as if she were the most beautiful woman in the world, enough for her to forget the bruises on her face and body.

He tilted his body to stay on top of her, still without letting all his weight fall on her, he distributed kisses along the entire length of her shoulder while she sighed, she was at his mercy and just wanted to enjoy the caresses he distributed over her skin.

San could do whatever he wanted with her. It could be dangerous, uncertain and even wrong, but she wasn't strong enough to fight it and being there with him, she knew she would be okay.

After years she would finally be where she always dreamed, back in his arms being enveloped by the love he still showed for her, which seemed to be ever greater than the last time.

There with him, sighing and moaning his name, it was as if no time had passed.

[...]

Y/N slowly woke up, her body still hurt and her eyes burned from the brightness of the room. So she brought her hands to her face to rub her eyes.

It was then that noticed she wasn't in the presidential suite, patted the other side of the bed that was empty and remembered the night before.

Taking the sheet that covered her body with her, she sat on the bed, brushing her hair away from her face and at the same moment San came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.

She smiled discreetly as she stared at his bare and strong torso, memories of the previous night flooded her mind and her cheeks burned.

She had no reason to be shy, but she really was after what they had done last night.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty." San smiled widely and came over to give her a peck.

"Good morning." She replied and he stopped, looking at her with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Nothing, it's just that… it's good waking up with you by my side."

She smiled, feeling like a fool in love.

"You say like you never slept with me."

"Well, when we were dating everyone thought we didn't sleep together." he shrugged and sat next to her on the bed, tucking her hair behind her ear. “That we were two inexperienced innocents.”

"That's because no one knew you were a pervert." she replied jokingly and his fingers moved to her shoulder, giving her a nice caress.

"You didn't complain about that pervert." He pouted and she laughed, tilting her head.

"Because I love him." she replied, moving closer to kiss him.

However, before they could make an intense noise of sirens could be heard throughout the hotel.

Y/N pulled away, scared looking around as if she could guess what was happening and San sighed.

"What is that?" she asked more to herself and watched as he got up from the bed.

"I wish I had told you sooner."

She frowned.

"Told what?" asked but San didn't respond immediately, he approached the suitcase that was on top of the armchair in the room and opened it, taking the towel off his waist and leaving himself in just his underwear in front of Y/N who was watching him curiously.

She saw San put on dark pants and then a white t-shirt, which really highlighted his torso, but the shock came when he took off a vest and she felt her jaw drop when she realized it was bulletproof, she knew because she saw the word police written on the front.

Feeling her head spin, she had to put her hand on the bed to keep herself standing, or in this case, sitting.

"San, what is this?" the weak voice asked and he finished putting on his shoe.

"Come with me." he asked and she looked at him confused. "Do you trust me?"

She didn't even need to think about the answer.

"Always."

San approached the bed and reached out to her, Y/N held it and got up from the bed.

He separated his own clothes for her to wear besides her thin dress and she did so, still not understanding what was happening, San made her wear a blazer that looked huge on her but covered most of the bruises on her arm.

He took her out of the room and they took the elevator, she was distressed because San didn't say what was happening even there alone, keeping his hand on her waist and his expression too calm.

She was already internally biting her cheek and when she got out of the elevator she saw that the place was full of police officers, uniformed and armed.

Y/N followed with her gaze a police officer who passed in front of her with a very large gun, hearing San's low laugh that made her continue walking forward.

In the hotel lobby, she was able to get a sense of the situation. Several of Seungho's henchmen were kneeling on the floor with their hands on top of their heads while some of the police officers watched them quite angrily, others walked around the hotel looking for something.

"Detective Choi."

Y/N turned her head so fast it made a noise, San patted her back before reaching out to the approaching police officer.

"Kang." he greeted his colleague, adopting a more serious pose.

"Everything is in order, the evidence and witnesses are being taken now."

San nodded and the officer turned his attention to Y/N. "And Miss-"

"Don't worry, I'll walk her to the police station myself." San spoke firmly as her eyes widened.

Police station? Would she go to the police station?

The police officer nodded and left, leaving San and Y/N alone.

"What is happening?" she asked quietly, and he held her shoulders gently.

"Follow me." she wanted to understand what was happening but his eyes said that everything would be fine and she believed it.

That's why she silently agreed and let San take her outside, towards a black car, he opened the passenger door for her and she got in without question. San got in on the other side and started the car while Y/N put her hands together to play with her fingers, waiting for him to start talking.

“Where do you want me to start?” he asked, keeping his eyes on the street.

Y/N shrugged, laughing lightly.

"You are cop." she confirmed and looked at him, seeing him nod his head.

“When you broke up with me 7 years ago, I knew something was wrong.” he took a deep breath. “I was always convinced that you would never do that to me if you didn't have a very strong reason, we always talked about plans for our future and one night you just didn't want it anymore?” He glanced at her, seeing that she was immersed in the explanation, he continued “The next day, I returned to your house, I was determined to talk to you more calmly but when I arrived at the corner I saw that you were leaving with your bags from home, what surprised me most was the fact that you said goodbye to your mother but you didn't even look at your father's face.”

Y/N took a deep breath. That scene of saying goodbye to her parents was like a blur in her head, the only thing she remembered was that she began to understand the meaning of being alone.

“Your father was your hero, your rock and you simply ignored him before getting into a car that had never been in your house before.”

“It wasn’t the easiest day of my life.” she commented, resting her head on the car seat.

“I know, me either.” San stopped the car at the traffic lights and turned to face her. “That’s why after I saw you driving away in that car, I knocked on the door.”

Y/N's jaw dropped.

"What?"

“Your mother answered, she was devastated but it seemed like she knew I was going to show up, when I walked in… Your father was drinking, he was crying and saying he had destroyed your life.”

Y/N felt her nose itch, indicating that her eyes were about to water.

“I asked them to explain to me what was happening, I don’t know, I wanted to be able to help in some way.” he shrugged and the car started moving again, with San turning his attention to the street again. “Your father told me he bet you on a game, that he was an addict and that he had lost the only thing that mattered. At first I didn’t want to believe it.” he laughed, humorlessly. “That was the script for an Italian mobster movie, but your mother confirmed the version and said they were forced to hand it over to you or else everyone would suffer the consequences.”

She took a deep breath, staring into space.

That was the truth.

She never chose Seungho, she was forced to or he would start killing everyone she loved, starting with her father.

“After a few days of crying like a teenager I was, I went to talk to Hongjoong. His uncle was a police officer and heard the story, he told me who the Kim family was and what Seungho was capable of since at the time he was starting to take over a good part of the west of the city. He told me that there were rumors among the police that he had gone after your father and instigated his addiction to cards because he wanted to have you.” she swallowed. She already knew this version of the story and still reacted the same way. “He had become obsessed with you and had done everything on purpose. I was so angry, I had never felt such hatred as I did that day. I didn’t even know I was capable of feeling that.”

Y/N looked at him, there was a certain anger in San's words and his jaw was clenched.

“That day I promised myself that I would take revenge, that I would make him pay for everything he had done to you, for stealing your life. Our life.”

San looked at her and smiled sadly.

“And I joined the police, I wanted to do things the right way.” she smiled lightly, it was obvious to her. San was always very correct. “But it wasn’t that easy. I needed to prove to everyone that I was capable, I went through a lot of things in the police to reach the day when I would finally have the opportunity to start investigating the Kim family.”

“And you didn’t deny that chance.” It wasn't a question.

San parked the car and she looked outside, seeing that they were already at the police station, he rested his arm on the steering wheel and turned towards her.

“I couldn’t, we would only have this opportunity to catch him. He didn't know my face, he didn't know who I was, we created a way to bring our team closer to him. And it worked, he believed it.”

She took off her belt and turned to San.

“You already knew you would find me.”

He nodded and held one of her hands, giving it a gentle caress.

“I know it will seem strange but I followed your every step, It was part of the investigation.”

She felt a shiver run down the back of her neck.

“Am I going to be arrested?”

San pressed his lips together in a thin line and brought his hand to caress her face.

“No, you are the main witness in this case, everyone knows that you were just one of his victims. With all the evidence I've gathered, you're all clear. But you need to tell the police everything you know.”

Y/N felt butterflies in her stomach and took a deep breath.

“Okay, if that’s what I have to do to end this story once and for all.” she nodded and he smiled widely at her. “What about last night…”

He laughed, scratching the back of his head with his free hand.

“Well, you don’t need to say.”

She laughed too.

San approached and kissed her forehead, making her sigh.

“I’m here with you and I’m not going anywhere.”

“I thought it was impossible for me to love you more, but I do.” she shrugged and saw his eyes light up, just like they did last night. “If I stayed sane all these years, it was thanks to you.”

San kissed the tip of her nose.

“I would do anything for you, to keep you safe. I love you, Y/N.”

“What about us?”

"Us?" he pretended to think for a moment and she narrowed her eyes, smiling. “I think we still have a lot to make up for.”

1K notes · View notes

faetreides · 26 days

Text

summary: paul atreides x plus sized afab servant!reader

cw: power imbalance, somnophilia (dubcon in my mind as the reader wouldn’t push him away if they woke up but feel free to skip this if you could feel icked out by it), petplay (cheated again and didn’t make it explicit but it’s very petplay coded in a way), size difference (paul’s the skinny bf that would fall over if a gust of wind was strong enough), paul eats reader out, crack treated seriously vibes bc he’s so awkward 💀, ambiguous somno occasion (like how the reader fell asleep), implications of improper use of the voice but it’s weak for this paul era so reader could probably push against it, possible dune lore inaccuracies idk don’t think just vibe

wc: 1k +

block & move on if uncomfortable !!!

don’t repost, translate, or give ai my work

kinktober masterlist

You’re having the same dream again. Paul Atreides, the duke’s son who you are tasked with looking after is the star.

He looms over you as you lie flat on your back, though in your dream you’re never in your servant’s quarters. No, the surrounding walls bear a more striking resemblance to Paul’s bedroom. You’re always groggy in the dream, which is a strange feeling to have when you usually are profoundly awake in your other dreams.

You’ve only been having this one since you arrived on Caladan from a smaller planet with no name that they took ownership of. Paul Atreides had seemed to seek you out like a moth to a flame, making a beeline for you and demanding in front of your mother that his father hire you. Even weirder was the fact that the ships belonging to the Atreides left immediately after you agreed to go with them, as if the trip had only one purpose.

“Shh, mouse, it’s just me. Don’t wake up.” He whispers, nuzzling his nose against yours and pecking your lips.

You lie there in a daze, eyes wide and mouth agape as Paul reaches for the fastenings of your top. It’s an orange silk number he gifted you, all your clothes are. Your breaths come out in shallow pants, the disbelief that Paul Atreides would be disrobing you with the intent to bed you is overwhelming. He gives your plush curves loving squeezes as he reveals more and more skin.

Eventually you’re stark naked under him. You sluggishly try to cover yourself with your hands but Paul swiftly knocks them aside, pinning them to your sides so he can drink in the mouth watering image. You have no idea how many dreams he has had of you, ones concerning moments like these and ones about the life you’ll experience together in between. A gaggle of tiny feet playing tag around his throne, domestic mornings of blissful silence waltzing in the dining room.

“I…. I have never seen anyone as beautiful as you, i swear it.” Your heart skips a beat, despite knowing very well that this is all some passing fancy. Dreams never have to see the light of day, so you can luxuriate in your delusions.

Paul leans down to shakily mouth at your collarbone, scraping his teeth against the skin and playing with your love handles. You whimper as he litters your rough skin with love bites, you open your mouth to apologize that it’s not as smooth as a noble consort’s would be, but something in the way he shoves his tongue in your mouth to silence you tells you he somehow already knows.

You poke and pull at his dark shirt, the fine black material feeling like heaven but you’d rather it cover your garments next to the bed.

Paul chuckles, nipping at your lips and pulling back to shirk his clothing off. He throws it across the room and goes back to kissing his way down your thick body. Once he reaches your stomach, he takes extra special care to dote on the rolls of skin, softly kissing and pressing his forehead against them.

“You would be a beautiful bride, you know…”

“Um… thank you, sir.” You squirm, all the attention on someone like you from someone like your employer’s son becoming too real. The Paul Atreides would sooner be lost to the sands of Arrakis than utter those words to you in the waking world, but perhaps your long harbored infatuation has leaked into your subconscious.

He smiles, as if charmed by your shyness. “You’re welcome, mouse.”

His favorite nickname for you, given to you due to your adorable scurrying around to avoid others and shy high pitched squeaks that you use instead of words. (Also because he saw you crouch in a corner and nibble on a piece of bread that you had managed to snag from the table.)

He sits back on his heels to grab your thighs, the skin bulging in between his fingers. He draws you into a slow and sensual kiss as he pushes them apart and sinks into the empty space. You squeak in shock when you feel something stiff press against your wet pussy, but Paul only shushes you in your head and you relax again.

“Mmm~” He hums, flicking his tongue against the seam of your lips and lifting himself to hover over you once more.

He winks before tightening his grip on your thighs and stretching them wide enough for him to slink down and have access to the small hole at their apex.

You jolt when he presses a soft kiss to the top of your mound. You squeak and try to close your thighs around his head but he doesn’t let you, keeping your thighs pinned to the bed and licking a flat stripe up your pussy.

“So sweet, mouse….” Paul grins and repeats the motion a few times. “I could just spread you out over the table whenever I need to eat.”

You moan at the attention, desperately wishing that you could grind against Paul’s mouth but it feels like something more than his grip is holding you back, something about the touch seeming too vivid. You shake the thought away and sink your fingers into his hair, brushing any strays away from his face as he moves to suck on your clit.

He hollows out his cheeks a bit to get better suction on your fat clit. Paul nuzzles his face as deep into you as he can possibly get, the chubby lips of your pussy sandwiching his nose. You wrench your eyes shut as your pleasure builds and builds, but a single thin finger eases into your hole right as you’re about to tumble over the edge. The intrusion isn’t painful so much as it is entirely foreign to you, the second finger goes in much easier.

The combination of eating you out and finger fucking you makes the knot in you stomach blessedly come undone. Paul swallows it all down like there’s no better substance in the grand scheme of the universe.

You hope to have this dream again tomorrow, even at the cost of being able to look Paul Atreides in the eyes.

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fanon-canon-idfk · 1 year

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Reposting the Dazai work bc the reblog is messing it up <3

The Man Behind the Smile

Dazai Osamu x Male Reader

You had been working at the ADA for about 2 years already, knowing all of your fellow coworkers well, especially the two you’d gotten closest with,

Kunikida Doppo and Dazai Osamu, the two you’d been partnered with in your time here.

One free day off from work, you were called by your coworker Kunikida,

“Y/N, could you please do me a favor?” Kunikida spoke politely over the phone.

“Of course, what’s up?” You asked, urging him to continue.

“Dazai hasn’t shown up to work again, he said yesterday he was going to some bar, please check his dorm and sober him up for work.” He spoke, the hidden desperation to find his coworker hardly being disguised.

“I’ll check on him, Kunikida, don’t worry.” You reassured. “Thank you, Y/N” he thanked you before hanging up.

You began getting dressed to walk over from your dorm to your friend’s, which was a short walk from your own.

When you reached his door you were about to knock, before you realized his door was already cracked open.

You immediately pictured the worst, reaching for the weapon you kept hidden in your pocket for self defense.

You breathed in deeply before slowly opening the door and quietly scanning the apartment.

There was a room littered in stray empty and half empty alcohol bottles, and your friend laying right in the center of it all as you saw his body rise and fall from slow breaths, reassuring you he was alive.

You sighed before walking over to the man whom you’d presumed was asleep from the alcohol intake.

When you reached him you sat behind him and leaned over him to wake him up, a hand already placed to shake him awake.

But then you saw he was perfectly awake, but still clearly very drunk. His face was red and his eyes were hazy as he hugged a nearly empty bottle tightly.

He slowly looked up at you and shifting to slightly face you. As he squinted to make out your face from the dizziness you saw his eyes widen.

Then and there was an expression you’d never seen on your friend’s face.

He looked shocked, heart-ached, and relieved. So much emotion on a man you’d hardly seen be truly authentic.

“O…da..?” He whispers out shakily as his breathing gets quicker and his face gets more and more emotional.

He quickly sat up and faced you fully, then grabbing you and hugging you unbelievably tightly.

“Oda! Odasaku..” he cried out, his left hand grasping at the back of your head to try holding you closer as if you’d vanish in thin air.

You hesitantly half hugged him back with one arm “Dazai..? What’s the matter?” You asked, now very concerned for your friend’s behavior and who this Odasaku was.

“I missed you.. so much.. I’ve worked every day to be a good man I promise..” he spoke slowly, as if fighting back any more emotions he could possibly pour out.

Your heart ached at his words, ´a good man’. You had no clue what Dazai had been through but you felt so much sadness at just how much he seemed to hold on.

You knew you had to tell him it wasn’t what he thought, that you weren’t this man he spoke of, to snap him out of it.

But you couldn’t do it, not to him..

“I’ve.. missed you too, Dazai” you played along, hugging him back fully now.

“I know how hard you’ve worked, you’ve done good. I’m proud of you, Dazai. You are a good man.” You had no clue what you were saying, if you were even being accurate to the role, but it seemed like what he needed.

He let out a shaky breath, he stayed holding you in complete silence, only his shaking breaths and rare quiet whimpers filling the silence.

Then you felt his breathing settle and slow, his grip on you loosen, the weight his body leaned on you.

He had fallen asleep in your arms, you laid him back onto his futon gently, holding his head to tuck a pillow under it.

You knew you’d have to make an excuse to Kunikida later, but that was at the back of your mind for now.

After looking at him one last time you got up and began looking for a trash bag to collect all the bottles.

After collecting each one by one, empty or not, and throwing them away in the dump outside the dorms, you took to checking his kitchen.

He lacked any food at all in his fridge or cabinets, but a package of instant ramen you could make do with to help him out when he woke up.

You quickly cooked it and placed it into his microwave to heat when he woke up.

You then simply grabbed a cup from his sink, washing it off before filling it with water to place on the table.

While you were at it, you took to silently doing his dishes as well.

When you’d finished you walked back over to his sleeping form, noticing he was still in his full attire along with shoes.

You carefully took off his shoes, coat, vest, and necktie to make him more comfortable. Folding each garment when you were done and placing his shoes at the door.

Just then you got a call from Kunikida, he was likely checking in since you hadn’t called him back.

You walked outside the dorm to answer the call. You calmly explained to Kunikida the excuse that Dazai was too sick from the night before to make it to work, reluctantly Kunikida accepted it and hung up.

You sighed before walking back into the dorm. As you finished silently closing the door behind you, you heard a voice call to you.

“Y/N..” Dazai muttered, voice raspy from clearly just waking up and feeling sickly.

“Good evening, Dazai.” You greeted him as if all was normal as to not make him uncomfortable as you walked to him and sat by his side.

You continued on, “I made you some ramen and got you a cup of water if you’d like. I also hope you don’t mind but I did your di-“ he cut you off with a hand lazily pushed onto your mouth.

You looked at him confused, he stared at you blankly, no fake smile or anything, just Dazai. He gestured a finger to his lips as he made a shushing sound.

He then threw his head into your chest, his hand falling from your face.

You wanted to say something, but you understood that this wouldn’t be something Dazai wanted to talk about, you felt you owed the man a break.

“Could you help me to the bathroom..? Please..” he muttered quietly, but enough for you to hear.

Without hesitation you began lifting his limp body from his under arms as you slung one over your shoulder and began dragging him to the bathroom and then began starting him a bath.

You sat him on the floor to prop him against his bathtub, “I’ll go get you some more comfortable clothes.” You offered before walking out quickly.

You came back with a large long sleeve shirt and sweatpants you found for him along with underwear for him. Expecting him to ask you to leave so he could bathe, you began leaving the bathroom before your hand was quickly and tightly grasped.

“Dazai..?” You questioned him, not understanding what more he needed.

He didn’t say a word, he just tugged on your arm weakly and gestured his head toward the bath.

“You want me to.. help you..?” You were unsure if you were right and hesitated to say it, but Dazai nodded slightly before he gestured to undoing his shirt buttons.

“Are you sure..? Do you really feel comfortable with this..?” You asked him, searching for reassurance that you wouldn’t make him uncomfortable or overstep. He just nodded again.

You just nodded back then sighed before beginning to undo his shirt, then slipping it off his bandaged arms gently.

He gestured to his pant button much like he did with his shirt. You breathed in deeply before hesitantly undoing and removing your friend’s pants.

You then paused and looked to him again, wanting to be there for him but not go past what he asked of you.

He placed a weak finger against the waistband of his boxers and nodded to reassure you.

Out of respect you looked away from his lower body as you slipped off his last layer of clothing leaving him in his bandages alone.

You refused to look at him as to not make him uncomfortable. You felt his warm hand on your shoulder as you looked over and straight into his eyes.

He pulled at your shirt and gestured into the bathtub as he wanted your help getting in.

You understood as you looked away once more before lifting him up again and gently placing him into to perfectly warm water.

You stayed looking away, but Dazai grabbed your hand once again and gestured his head to the shampoo and conditioner as he wanted you to wash his hair.

You still couldn’t understand this, did he just gain this much trust in you? Is he just feeling that low? Is he planning something? You couldn’t understand this out of character behavior of his.

And yet, you washed his hair, you dried him in a towel, you dressed him, you carried him to sit and eat, you fed him, you helped him drink his water, and you carried him all the way back to his futon.

But most importantly, you stayed. He asked you to stay with him, and you laid right by his side.

Perhaps it was just his mood, or maybe Dazai secretly loved you and took the chance for affection, or maybe he just needed someone and couldn’t put it off anymore.

Either way, you stayed. And from then on, you’d vowed to always stay. Dazai needed you.

Part 2

#male reader #top male reader #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd scenarios #bungou stray dogs scenarios #bsd x male reader #dom male reader #headcanon #dazai osamu #seme male reader #dazai x male reader #sub bsd #bungou stray dogs dazai #bungou stray dogs x male reader #male reader blog #x male reader #osamu dazai #dazai osamu x reader

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inthestarsme · 4 months

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Solar return observations pt. 1 ✨

‼️ Do not reproduce, repost or use any of my content without my consent. If you ever repost anything, you need to always mention my page ‼️

Hey guys! I hope you've been having a great christmas time! I'm starting a new little series, bc honestly, i haven't been observing anything new when it comes to birth charts lately, but i've really been into solar return charts, which is why i really wanted to make this. As you might have seen, i had already posted another observation which included some observations on solar return charts, which i deleted bc some of the things i shared didn't resonate with me and i only want to give you content i can truly stand behind. But i am mentioning this, bc i'm going to include some of the solar return observations i made in this post, so don't be confused if you think you might've already seen this on one of my posts.

If you do not know about solar return charts, i would recommend you to look it up beforehand. I am not the best at explaining this kind of stuff, but there are other astrology pages who have amazing introductions for people who are getring into solar return charts. Please look them up and then come back to this!!

Before we start: these are just my personal observations. I am by no means a professional astrologer, and i don't want you coming for me because you disagree with me on the meaning of something. If you want to correct me, feel free, but i will not tolerate any hate or disrespect (which means you will get blocked).

‼️Trigger warning: mentions of bad relationship experiences, bullying and mental health struggles ‼️

Sooo let's go!

Jupiter in the 8th house conjunct neptune in 7th house: Altough of course this can show different in every persons life, for me in the year i had this placement i didn't meat my rich husband who was my wonderful soulmate. Instead i only dated one guy who in the beginning seemed very great but turned out to just be using me for intercourse In general the guys i've met who were interested in me seemed quite stable and good people, but turned out to actualy be known by close ones as f-boys. So if you have this placement in your solar return chart, please beware. It might look better than it is, as neptune is also about illusions and in the 7th house of relationships, this can mean you might not see who the person truly is, and with jupiter ok the 8th house, it could be because they might be using you for sexual endevours, or you might be more into sexual endavours than usual and thus might yourself give another person the illusion you might be into more to get access in that way (which: please don't do that. there is people out there who are willing to give you that without you having to betray them. it's not fair to someone who is trying to actually build a relationship).

Neptune conjunct the Descendant with Chiron in the 7th house: Adding to the last observation: the year i started dating my first boyfriend who was very toxic and completely used and betrayed me was the year i had neptune, the planet of illusion in a very hard conjunction to my descendant. Also, like chiron (the wound we cannot heal but which can heal others) would indicate sent me into quite a mental health crisis, which i didn't even realize until about 2 years later. it really messed with me, so please be careful if you have this placement. i still learned a lot about relationships, and i feel like i now would never again get into a relationship without being 100 percent certain about the persons intentions and so on.

Saturn, Pluto and Uranus in the 4th house: Whilst Pluto and (especially) Uranus can totally mean you moving because they are very much about change, i wouldn't say the same about saturn in the 4th house. Saturn is usually more about restrictions and difficulties because of that. Of course there could be difficulties with your landlord for example, which might cause you to move, but otherwise, i think saturn here is more about not being able to move freely in your home or you feeling bound to your home for some reason. This can of course vary in interpretation depending on other aspects and planets, it could also be about problems with you family. It very much depends.

North node conjunct uranus in any house: Whatever house this placement is in, you might experience some significant change in the area or might learn something about this area of your life which will change it significantly. For example, a friend of mine had this in his 7th house and during that year, after a lots of years of being in an polyamorous relationship, they went back to a monogamous relationship because some things had appendd which made them realize for them to keep on having a healthy relationship, a monogamous relationship might be better. I also had this placement in my ninth house and during this year some things happened which significantly altered the way i handle my studies in college.

Stellium in 12th house (with sun and moon): You might be going through a phase where you are in more solitute and a lot of things you didn't know about will come to light. I am currently experiencing this, and i could totally feel the shift. I feel it kind of was like my last solar reutrn year i had so many experiences with traveling and meeting new people, that i kind of feel like an "experience fatigue". it felt like i was making so many new experiences, and focused on making more and so on, that i forgot to put meaning and intention behind those. So now i just want to slow down and still make experiences, but also focus on my inner world, on learning new things about myself and also work on some mental health stuff. also, i feel like there has been a lot going on behind the scenes on how people view or say about me which i don't or didn't know about, like for example one year a go, a comment i made on youtube got about 6000 likes and people were bashing me so hard in the comments and i didn't even notice until now 😭 idk, i hope whatever is going to be revealed isn't too harsh (the comments were bad but honestly, i didn't mind. it's not the first time i've gotten hate on social media lol). the 12th house is generally not considered to be very positive, but for now i feel like it is mostly about me time and discovering new things about myself.

Sun square pluto: I read something on the tumblr page "lavishlyleo" about this placement being a very difficult placement which can last for a looong time, and i looked it up: i've had this placement since i was about 14 years old. now, i've had quite a rough childhood, but me having to deal with that and having to process it and simultaniously starting to experience more bullying and so on started about this time. i think beforehand i knew my life wasn't the greatest, but i could still move through it and be very happy and content because i had a great friend group and a lot of other good stuff going on. the fact of me having to realized how the things i have gone through were so fucked up and how they messed with me was soo much harder tbh. but now this placement has been easing up a bit and will go away in about two years and i have honestly been doing so much better that the years beforhand, especially when it comes to my social life! i am so excited on seeing how life will be as soon ad this placement finally goes away.

Chiron or lilith in the 11th house: As these two are more harsh and about experiencing some bad stuff to also learn and develope, having this in the 11th house may not be a good sing of you keeping your friend group because and maybe losing those. Or in general just having bad experiences with groups of people.

I will leave you with this now. As the year progresses, i will see how certain placements play out in my and other peoples life, so i can give you some more observations i made. But i hope you enjoyed this!

Sending out love and please keep safe! Until next time byebye 🩵

#solar return #solar return chart #astro observations #astro community #astroblr #jupiter in the 8th house #neptune in the 7th house #neptune conjunct descendant #chiron in the 7th house #saturn in the 4th house #uranus in the 4th house #pluto in the 4th house #north node conjunct uranus #stellium in the 12th house #sun square pluto #chiron in the 11th house #lilith in the 11th house

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roturo · 9 months

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EUNOIA

•synopsis: Who would've believed Gojo Satoru can become one with a curse? maybe another version of him is breathing and motivation being awakened from him. Will you come to him?

PLEASE REPOST AND LEAVE A COMMENT ;)

•warnings: smut, penis in vagina, blowjob (reader), nipple play (both), corruption kink, dacryphilia, overstimulation, plenty orgasms, unprotected sex, pussy eating, use of nicknames (princess, baby, pup, sweetheart...),mating press, marking, possessive behavior, curse!reader, virgin!reader, gojo is portrayed as playboy somewhere, gojo whimpers just bc i say so, soft!dom gojo, lovesick!gojo, like, really lovesick, enemies to lovers, angst & fluff, reader is a strong curse just because i can, afab & she/her reader.

EUNOIA; (eúnoia) 'well mind; beautiful thinking'

Love is a heavy word. You can’t love everyone, nor everything.

The word ‘love’ has loosen its meaning through time…

or has it become more natural?

Looking back at society in past years, everything was built by hate, anger… to kill.

But now? Things are almost the same. Society became more peaceful, tuneful even. But those emotions full of anger & hate became locked inside people to maintain society as a ‘safe space’

And people couldn’t suppress them forever, as hard as you tried to help people find love, happiness, not only on people, but on things, music, life.

They couldn’t change their shady mind into beautiful thinking.

But you couldn’t blame yourself for not helping people to free their mind and find at least the good things in life. You can’t help those who don’t want to be helped.

Walking through the lightful streets of Tokyo, watching people and their emotions, you couldn’t resist throwing some powder disguised as dust for people to inhale and keep those bad emotions away from them for some time. But for some reason that wasn’t enough to get rid of that bad energy spreading all over the place.

People seemed more relaxed, one of your techniques worked. Playing with people’s mind, the saneness and atmosphere felt the same as before, but you could sense people were more sensible.

So you couldn’t understand what’s going on. As you kept walking forward, following the energy to find from where it’s from, you stopped in a… bakery?

Looking through the big windows of the place, you finally knew from whom it was coming. But something seemed wrong. He seems happy eating whatever dessert he ordered, his appearance seemed in order, not showing any kind of sadness, or desmotivation.

It was strange enough of him to use some black small rounded glasses inside of a store at night. His white hair was easy to distinguish and locate him easily. He looked like he’s really tall, looking at his long legs barely being capable of sitting comfortably in those chairs from the bakery. He was perfect.

But you couldn’t quite decipher why he has this happy mood from the outside but some type of bad energy coming from him.

Until… it clicked in.

Cursed energy. A lot of it. But you could also sense stress from him, a tiny bit of sadness. You felt your cheek getting wet from an unexpected tear coming out. Wiping it away from your face, you looked at your hand,

You could sense people’s mind, but never their feelings nor their emotions. So why are you feeling this from him? The loss of someone, worry for others, fear of failure again…

And it seems like he felt it too, putting down the cupcake he was about to bite, furrowing his eye-brows, looking for something… someone.

Until he sensed cursed energy coming from somewhere, outside this bakery, so he looked at you. He knows you are a curse, so why do you look so human? So real? How could people see you too?

You locked eyes with him, feeling stronger emotions coming out of the both of you, stress was the first one. When his eyes met yours, his body untensed for a moment, before tensing again and his brows furrowing again, but this time instead of looking just confused, he also seemed angry.

Feeling this coming out of him, a strong energy surrounding him, made you start running away from it. Pushing people out of the way, looking somewhere safer to calm down.

But you underestimated this guy, he was faster, stronger, bigger. And he found you in less of a second in that lonely alley.

‘Who are you and what did you just do to me?’ He grabbed you by the neck of your shirt, making you squeak when he pushed you to the wall.

‘I-I don’t k-know.. I’m so-sorry, please don’t exorcize me sir… I’m not evil nor a threat to people, i-in fact I want to h-help them.’ You were praying to somehow escape from this alive and unharmed, his cursed energy is so overwhelming you could swear you were drowning on it.

Gojo has dealt with curses who could talk, even understand him. But he never saw a curse like you. Human looking. And somehow you avoided his infinity to use your powers on him. That’s why he has you like this, he could easily exorcize you right now and right here with just a clap, but he needed to know first why and how you trespassed his infinity.

‘How did you do that?’ He pushed you harder to the wall, hitting your head with it, but not hard enough to be in pain.

‘D-do what?’

‘Connected with me.’

‘What?...’

‘You.. you somehow trapassed my infinity and connected with me or some shit, how did you do that? That’s not possible.’ What did he just say? Infinity?

‘And how could I not sense you immediately? Who are you?’

Wait… ‘You’re Gojo Satoru?!’ You jumped from his grip, moving to your side.

The strongest sorcerer of all, right in front of you, asking for your name, looking the good way, you were flattered to know he had some type of interest in you. So you did what he asked you and told him your name.

‘I-I don’t know how I did that, that w-was new for me too, I just can sense bad thinking from people and fix it into good thinking, bu-but I could never feel it or know why they’re feeling that way…’

He looked at you in disbelief, and then proceeded to sigh. ‘Try it.’

‘What?’

‘Try to do that again.’ He signaled the both of you.

‘Uh… Do I have to look at you in the eyes?’

‘I don’t know! It’s supposed to be your technique.’

You sighed, and then looked at him. He’s really handsome you thought, feeling your face getting hot, you concentrated your whole energy to one, and trespassed to connect to him.

And you think he didn’t notice yet when you discovered he was feeling flustered to look at you again, but he had enough self control to not show it. But then his eyes widened and grabbed you by your cheeks, not strong enough to hurt you, but making your face look like a fish.

‘What the…fuck.’ If you weren’t paying attention, you wouldn’t be able to hear how low the whisper was. But suddenly you felt his index finger in the middle of your forehead and everything started getting blurry, feeling giddy, until everything went blank.

You woke up in a white room, your eyes still adjusting to the shiny lights, Hearing some background voices, you were trying to fully wake up.

‘What the hell are we going to do Shoko? Do I have to kill her? This has never happened since… ‘He stopped himself before continuing. ‘Well… isn’t she a threat?’

‘I don’t even know Gojo, this is as new to me as new to you. I have never seen a curse like… her? Is she even a person? Mind manipulation is one thing, but… she has never used her curse for the bad, y’know? Maybe she’s not a threat.’ Gojo scoffed, looking in disbelief at you, not noticing you were starting to wake up.

‘What grade is she?’

‘Uh well… for her power she should be a semi-grade 1, but if we take in consideration the fact she trespassed your infinity she should be a special grade, but… it seems like she doesn’t know how to use it, nor how to fight, so it’s basically just a title.’

You tried to stand up, but some chains stopped you from it. You could see Shoko and Gojo jump in surprise when they heard you moving.

It was an awkward situation, the three of you looking at each other without talking. Maybe they’re waiting for you to start talking? Fight?

‘What are we doing with her?’

Basically they decided to leave you alive, for future purposes apparently. They had one rule for you.

‘Never leave Gojo’s side.’

And yeah, it was really awkward at first, having to spend time with the strongest sorcerer, obviously annoyed by your presence and how they seemed to like you.

Sleeping on the floor of his room was really uncomfortable. Spending cold nights with just a blanket in your body makes you rethink your whole existence.

Everyone was really nice, they treated you as someone else and not like the person who could go through ‘Gojo’s Satoru Infinity’

Everyone but him. His silly personality was really cute and you tried to befriend him, making jokes, trying to get to know him, but as much as you tried you never got to warm up.

They told you he likes sweets, okay! That's a useful fact!

And well, it was a good fact indeed. You made some cookies for him, his eyes sparked up when he saw the plate full of cookies for him, he just looked at you and thanked you with a small smile. It was starting to work out!

Your never-ending enthusiasm to befriend him began to work its magic on Gojo. Whether it was your mischievous pranks or your infectious laughter, your presence gradually started to warm the usually distant sorcerer's heart. Soon, even Gojo couldn't deny the hidden charm beneath your cursed exterior. Finding himself in his room tasting different desserts you made for him, thinking about you on missions when eating at a bakery, thinking your desserts don’t compare to what he’s eating right now. He started to like you.

Twisted nights spent together by the both of you, bursting laughter coming from the both of you, laying on the grass looking for stars, taking you to missions (just to the place he’s visiting, he didn’t want you to be in danger)...

He never saw himself falling for a girl, a curse, he’s more of a one night stand, never going on dates, just buying luxury things for them to keep them an extra week with him. But as Your relationship with Gojo deepened, you discovered the mask behind his unflappable façade. Gojo opened up to you, sharing his dreams, doubts, and fears. You reciprocated by offering your unwavering support, feeling what he’s feeling like you’re the one who went through it. Your bond became a haven of understanding, acceptance, and genuine affection.

He began to show his lighter-side with you, being affectionate with you (in private since he was too shy for pda, because what would they think about this?), but he was afraid.

He was afraid of the power you were having over him, he showed you a new world while you gave him sparkling moments that go in a flash because of how much he enjoys them. He even finds himself smiling at your picture he took with his phone while the both of you were teasing the other. Your pouty lips, trying to hit him.

Hit him.

He never felt someone hitting him playfully until he met you.

He never felt someone hugging him until one rainy night you were shivering on the floor, he invited you to his bed and woke up next to you, your hands hugging his body tightly like you were afraid of him leaving you. That day, became an usual morning routine. Waking up at the sight of you resting on his chest, caressing your cheeks and just admiring your beauty.

He was afraid of losing you.

He wasn’t afraid of you trying to kill him, turning evil, shit, he wasn’t afraid if you tried to fucking kill all the humans in this world. He was afraid of you leaving his side, you were the most precious thing in this world for him.

You colored his more of five senses and became the purple of his blue and red.

Until one day you weren’t by his side in the morning. He called for your name, maybe you were in the bathroom, but he was just with silence in the room. Maybe you were somewhere in the halls walking through the students' dorms? Maybe Nobara called for you?

But nothing.

His greatest fear, losing someone again became reality.

Well, not truly…

Maybe you were planning to ask him to be his girlfriend?...

And thank god he was a little foolish to never think about your plan.

When he went to search for you after Nobara told him ‘you went shopping’ you quickly entered the room and started preparing everything.

It wasn’t some luxury set up with petals everywhere, a jacuzzi and balloons, but you had his favorite desserts, a small letter of you confessing your feelings for him, and some matching bracelets for the both of you.

You dressed up in your floral sundress, put some make-up on and fixed your hair once Nobara gave you the heads up for Gojo coming back.

And oh boy, Gojo came back pissed. Truly hiding he was so fucking terrified of not finding you. He was mumbling things under his breath, swearing he would kill everyone if he didn’t find you.

Even Shoko was shocked at his behavior since he never seemed this committed to a girl like he did right now, he seemed happier with you, brighter.

And he swears he was about to fucking hit Ijichi until he felt a known energy coming from his room. In a blink he was standing in front of his door, he could sense you were anxious, his hands started getting sweaty, not knowing what to expect.

When he opened the door and saw you standing there, looking as beautiful as ever, with a small smile adorning your face, the familiar smell of freshly made mochis, you could see his shoulders untensed, he was no longer wearing his glasses nor his blindfold. He seemed confused at first until you stepped closer to him and handed him a letter.

‘Dear ‘Toru:

How do I even start this? You’ll be surprised to know that everytime I reach for your hand after an exhausting night makes me feel relaxed in an instant. Ever since we met, the word ‘love’ has become something different for me. It became a stronger and heavier word to take out of me. You made me stop focusing on what others think, to try and teach everyone how important it is to have a feeling of goodwill. Because not everyone knows how it feels to find someone that makes you feel like you want to improve this world since you see the rest of your life with them. They say love is blind but I personally believe that this is not true because I can see and feel the love that exists between us. My love for you is capable of turning back the hands of the clock.

In other words, the issue here is that you think I’m not head over heels in love with your dumb fucking ass.’

You heard Gojo chuckle and looking back at you, you swear his eyes were brighter than last time you saw them, his demeanor seemed excited. And in not even a second he was grabbing you by your waist and giving a spin before hugging you.

‘You don’t know how much I wanted to do this, but I guess you were faster than me. You’ve got me acting like a fool.’ After that his lips connected with yours, and it was like they were molded for him. It tasted as sweet as candy, such a precious thing for someone else to have. He feels like he just won the lottery, fuck that, he has all the money he has, he feels like he just fucking rules this world.

He grabbed your legs with both of his hands, your legs wrapping around his body taking you into an even closer hug. Taking some steps back making sure to close the door. Then he laid you down on his bed. Giving small pecks all around your face which cause you to giggle. His kisses started trailing down your neck until he found that spot that made you whine and make your breathing heavier.

Your hands wrapped around his neck, supporting yourself, he continued kissing you. His hands roaming and exploring your whole body. Taking a break from kissing, he grabbed your hands from his neck, pinning them with one of his hands all extended above your head on the bed.

He just admired your form, your pouty lips after all that kissing, your uneven breathing trying to calm yourself down. You were perfect. You were now his.

‘Baby… before I continue, are you sure about this?’ He asked you, his eyes searching for any discomfort in your body. You nodded your head, giving him a shy smile.

‘I need words baby, words.’ He chuckled at you, getting closer to your ear and slightly biting the part of your neck below it.

‘Just fuck me already ‘toru, be my first for once.’

Gojo’s breath stopped suddenly, his eyes were wide thanks to the unexpected information. The thought of being the first man to make you his, and he’s sure he’ll also be the last, made the blood of his brain go exactly to his dick.

He sighed, almost sounding like a whimper, ‘Is that so baby? he hummed before his hands got under your dress and started playing with your nipples. You didn’t bother to use a bra since the fabric of the dress was thick enough to cover your body. With a pinch on your nipple with his index finger and thumb, twisting it, made you moan, at which he just smirked.

His free hand started unzipping your dress, his other hand leaving your tits to help you undress, leaving you just in your underwear. He looked at you like if you were a piece of art, (which you are for his eyes only) admiring his work of marking you, your face already fucked up and he just started.

‘We can stop anytime.’ He assured you at which you just shyly nodded before your hands grabbed his shirt, signaling to take it off. He chuckled before doing so, he started kissing you again, then slowly going down your body, kissing your tits, tummy, until he reached your underwear. He gave you a last look before he continued. He gave a small peck on your clothed pussy before taking it off.

‘Can’t believe I haven’t even touched you and you’re already this wet. Makes me want to wreck you.’ His face suddenly surged into your pussy, his nose tickling your clit while he started teasing your hole with his tongue. Making you moan his name, you could feel he started drawing infinity symbols with his tongue before it changed to pleasure your clit and he then inserted his index finger inside of you.

‘Y-yes ‘toru! Right there!..’ Your moans made him a starved man and started devouring your pussy with more favor, making the pleasure way too much to handle, moans and whines coming out of your mouth, he then inserted a second finger inside of you. Making you feel giddy and your vision becoming blurry thanks to the tears forming on your eyes.

‘That’s right sweetheart, cry for me, show me how much you like this.’ He stopped eating you out, while he admired your body twitching thanks to his fingers moving inside of you.

You covered your face with one of your arms and his movement suddenly stopped.

‘Ah-ah, I need to see you princess, 'm simply enjoying the view. it's not every day I get to fuck someone so pretty. Let me see that pretty face of yours and I'll continue.’ With a whine you uncover yourself and he starts moving his fingers again, transforming that whine into a moan. ‘That's it baby.’

He just needed to move his finger a little higher and with that your vision became white and you came. Stripes of your fluids wetting Gojo’s fingers.

‘Such a good little pup, aren't you?’ He chuckled to himself before he started unbuckling himself, giving you time to calm yourself down.

‘You want to continue sugar?’ You nodded and that’s all he needed before getting his remaining clothes off. Showing his hard cock, the base was beige-ish with a pink and hard tip. A vein adorning it on the left part, it wasn’t so thick but oh man, he was large.

‘It won’t fit ‘toru.’

‘I’ll make it fit baby.’

He started inserting his cock inside of you, the stretch making you furrow your face.He started giving you small pecks to distract you from the pain it’ll later turn into please. He was half in when you swear you could feel the tip of his cock coming out of your throat.

‘Just a bit more princess…’ Once he was completely inside, he gave you some time to adjust yourself. It wasn’t until his cock twitched a little inside of you that touched your gummy spot that made you see stars.

‘Please move ‘toru.’

He started carefully thrusting, testing to see if you’re comfortable. ‘Do I continue- agh- baby..?’ He said between whimpers, feeling your hole clenching perfectly on his cock had him feeling like no other.

‘Huh…uh…keep going.’ He started thrusting faster, each time sucking him better than the last. ‘Faster—ah shit—harder…’

Your hands rested on his chest, while Gojo grabbed your legs, throwing them each on his shoulders, putting you into a mating press. Your hands then lowered themselves a little not his nipples, and you made an experimental movement of moving his nipple to the side, at which he responded with a whimper coming out of his mouth.

‘Nng~ That’s right baby, I love it when you touch me like that.’ He groaned when you pinched his right nipple, before a moan came out of you. Making you see stars again while he continued thrusting into you. Your fluids make it easier for him to insert himself again.

His hand traveled down your body until it met your clit, rubbing it, causing the overstimulation making you almost scream. Tears coming out of you, strips of cum filling your womb. But he didn’t stop.

‘I-im sorry baby, it just- ah~ feel so good.’ The overstimulation became too much for him too, rubbing your clit faster while he clumsy continued thrusting, making the both of you cum again in not even 5 minutes.

He lowered your legs down, admiring your hole full of his cum, before resting beside you. Getting an arm sound your body while he covered the both of you with the sheets and you rested your head on his chest.

Heavy breathing was all you could hear, before he gave you a small peck on the top of your head, looking back at him, the both of you smiled at the other. Both of you became one eunoia.

#gojo satoru smut #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x reader smut #gojo satoru fluff #gojo smut #gojo fluff #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu gojo #jujustu kaisen #jjk smut #jjk x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen x you #satoru gojo #gojo satoru x you #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #my fav post rn

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multi-kpop-fanfics · 1 year

Text

love me tender...or maybe not - strawberry taste

pairing: cupid!wonwoo x fem!reader

genre: smut, fluff, established relationship!AU - minors dni

warnings: sub!wonwoo, soft dom!reader, handjob, making out, use of petnames (angel, pretty), consent (bcs it’s sexy af), dacryphilia kink, mentions of aftercare, cumplay, finger sucking

word count: 1.7k

summary: wonwoo takes the first step towards intimacy. and boy, does it catch you by surprise.

taglist: @wonwussy @duhnova @flowerwonu @junkissed @heartkyeom @onlymingyus

nsfw taglist: @rosecult @bibinnieposts @ovai @littlemisssarcastic21 @tinkerbell460 @jonghyuns-husband @romromthedeer @y00nzin0 @llsiriusminorisll @08skrr @booyouwhore17 @enhacolor

unable to tag @wonderfulshinee

The next time you’re with Wonwoo, you’re in your house, sitting on the couch, legs draped over his lap.

You watch him like a hawk, his face and eyes concentrated on the screen, the golden round rimmed glasses resting on the bridge of his nose.

Your eyes carefully study his angelic features - his sharp yet kind eyes, his sharp nose, jawline as if it was carved by God himself, and lips resting on a tiny pout, all pink and soft.

Oh, how you wanted to see his face contorted in the pleasure you’re able to provide him.

“Y/N? Is something on your mind, love?”, Wonwoo breaks the comfortable silence, turning his attention to you, “You haven’t watched a single second of this movie”. “Why pay attention to a movie when I have a piece of art sitting right next to me?”, you let out a chuckle, your legs deliberately shifting on his lap to graze over his crotch, in an attempt to rile him up. “Stop being ridiculous”, he scoffs, turning his head away from you to hide his embarrassment, clearly affected by your pick up line.

“My cupid boyfriend is turning down my compliment and I’m the ridiculous one? Rude”, you tease him and slowly raise your right leg to graze it over his chest.

Wonwoo sucks a sharp breath through his gritted teeth, his hands gripping the pillows underneath him. He can feel his wings fluttering under his white t-shirt, dangerously straining against the fabric, making it tighten around his toned chest.

“I will stop if you want me to”, you drop your leg, scared you might have made him uncomfortable, but the sudden grip on your ankle makes you freeze in your seat.

“Wait”, he breathes out, “I…I don’t want you to stop”, he relaxes his grip on your leg, soothing your skin with his thumb. “I just…”, “Yes?”, you sit up, waiting for his answer. “Baby, if you don’t want to continue, then we won’t, I would never do something against your will”, you cup his cheeks with your hands, trying to comfort him.

“You once said…”, Wonwoo licks his lips, clearing his throat, “...that you’ve been exposed to more…intimate skinship before, right?”, “That’s right, but why do you ask?”.

“I want you to show me what it feels like”.

You swear that your heart nearly stopped at his words, knocking you completely breathless.

Your beloved, innocent cupid Wonwoo, wanting to get intimate with you.

“Is that so, my angel?”, you coo at him and get up, offering your hand for him to take it, “Follow me”, and he takes your hand, letting you lead him to your bedroom.

A few minutes later, you’re perched on top of him, your lips tenderly kissing his neck, your hands running up and down his sides over his shirt. Small, short breaths are coming out of Wonwoo’s mouth, starting to fog up his glasses. His hands are tugging at the fresh sheets, wings stretching his shirt again, fighting to break free.

You run your hands over his chest again, fingers brushing over his covered nipples. At that moment, Wonwoo lets out a loud moan, his back arching off the mattress, a ripping sound echoing in the room.

You pull away for a second and you notice that his wings are laid out on the bed and his white t-shirt has been ripped in half, leaving his torso exposed. “T-This shouldn’t have happened, oh my God”, he whines in embarrassment, his wings instinctively coming around to cover his body. “Angel, please don’t hide yourself from me”, you caress his cheek, “You’re so beautiful, do you know that?”, “W-Well, cupids are supposed to be beautiful”, “It’s not about being a cupid, Wonwoo. No matter what kind of being you were, I would still find you beautiful”, you laugh and his wings start to relax, splaying wide open again.

“That’s it, baby, relax for me just like that”, you whisper and get closer to him, your lips mere centimeters away from his. “Can you kiss me?”, Wonwoo asks timidly, “Please?”, he adds and you smile, your lips finally touching his.

You take control of the kiss, your hands resting on his jaw as you shift closer to him, all while his hands are shyly making their way on your sides, holding you gently as you both move your lips in sync.

The softness of his mouth and a very faint sweet taste overwhelms your senses and your greed overcomes you, making you slide your tongue in Wonwoo's mouth. His eyes shoot up in surprise, the foreign sensation catching him completely off guard. His body feels like it has caught fire, his skin burning up, but not in an uncomfortable way - it makes him want more.

The small moans echo in your mouth and you press your body even closer to his, your hands now on his broad shoulders, nails slightly digging in his soft skin. His wings ruffle again, feathers falling down on the mattress and the floor. He can feel them change again, the pastel pink now turning into a flower pink. You pull away to catch your breath and you notice the color change on his wings. It's as if…they are blushing?

"Wonwoo? Are you…", "Changing?", he pants, "Y-You could say that", "Do you want me to continue, pretty angel?", you coo at him and he nods, shifting his hips awkwardly underneath you.

"Words, baby, I need words", you pin his hips in place, making him whine in protest. "Y/N, please", "Please what?", "Touch me, please!", "I'm touching you, angel", you smirk at him. "N-Not there", he stutters, "Then where? Wanna show me?", you rub circles on his skin, trying to make him more comfortable.

Wonwoo takes your hand and guides it over his crotch, making you feel his growing erection over his jeans, arousal pooling in your panties. You squeeze him ever so slightly and his mouth falls open, biting the back of his hand to keep himself silent.

"Do you want me to take them off, angel?", you ask him, fingers tugging at the waistband of his sweats. "Y-Yes, please, I can't take it anymore", Wonwoo pleads and you grin, sliding both his jeans and boxers down his legs, leaving him completely naked.

"Oh my….", you trail off as you scan his body from head to toe, biting your bottom lip, "Seems like it wasn't just your face that was sculpted by God himself, baby", you smile like a Chesire cat as you take off your clothes, leaving only your black lacy underwear on.

You lay down right next to Wonwoo, the warmth of his body and his wings instantly enveloping you. "Everything about you is so pretty, Wonu", you ghost your hand over his torso, his abs, merely inches away from his flushed cock, resting heavy and neglected on his stomach.

"But I really can't believe you were hiding such a pretty body from me, let alone your cock", you wrap your hand around his shaft and Wonwoo gasps at the sensation, fisting the sheets next to him.

"I -ah- It wouldn't be nice t-to show you my b-body without asking you", he stutters as you pump his cock with a steady rhythm, your eyes fixated on the beads of precum pooling in the crevices of his abs.

"Sweetheart, hiding yourself from me isn't nice", you kitten lick his jawline, eliciting tiny, strained groans from his lips. "But you don't have to do this anymore, right?", you graze your teeth over his skin, twisting your wrist over his tip, making his hips buck into your hand.

Wonwoo's wings keep making rustling sounds, watching them blush from the roots to the ends, his hands flying to cover his mouth. His glasses are all fogged up, eyes glassy, tears starting to run down his cheeks.

"Are you close, angel?", you coo at him. "Ha…haah, s-so c-close, nngh", he sobs and you sit up next to him, pulling his hand away from his mouth to lace your fingers with his, your other hand speeding up on his cock, pushing him to the edge.

"Y/N!", Wonwoo moans out loud, his back arching off the bed, wings fully spreading underneath him as his cock throbs violently, pearly ropes of cum splashing on his abs, his thighs trembling from the intensity of his orgasm. He's still panting, holding your hand tight and you kiss his tears away.

"You did so good for me, baby, so so good", you whisper in his ear. Is that…strawberry?, you wonder after tasting his tears, thinking whether it's just his tears like that.

“T-Thank you”, he breathes out, the aftershocks of his orgasm still affecting him, shuddering every time your fingers graze his skin. Your eyes are fixated on the globs of cum staining his skin and you absentmindedly (not really) lean over his abs, flattening your tongue on them to taste his essence.

“Y-Y/N, you shouldn’t be d-doing this - mmh - it’s not-”, Wonwoo covers his mouth with his hand when he watches you lick him clean. “Not proper? Not right? Is that what you wanted to say, Nonu?”, you look up from his lap, your lips partially covered with his release.

“Y-Yes”, “Mmm, I see”, you chuckle and climb over him, capturing his lips in a messy kiss, swallowing all of his sounds, making him taste himself on your tongue.

“You t-taste like s-strawberry”, he half-moans. “No, baby, you taste like strawberry”, a grin plastered on your face, “But I have to leave you for a few seconds, need to prepare some stuff”, “W-Where are you going?”, he asks with puppy eyes as you climb off the bed. “Don’t worry, Nonu, I’m just going to prepare the tub - Wouldn’t dare to think about leaving my pretty cupid all dirty”, you caress his cheek and he feels like leaning into your touch.

You disappear from the room and Wonwoo is left alone on the bed, wings rustling again as he runs his fingers over his abs, collecting some of his cum on his pads, shyly putting them in his mouth. He’s in shock, because you’re right - he does taste like strawberry.

And now all he can think of is how you would taste.

#svthub #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo smut #svt wonwoo #jeon wonwoo #svt smut #svt fluff #seventeen smut #seventeen fluff #seventeen series #seventeen

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moonjxsung · 11 months

Text

Not Allowed (pt. 2)

TV GIRL / NOT ALLOWED

Link to part 1 here

⇢ Pairing: Lee Felix x fem reader

⇢ Summary: You and Felix are childhood friends turned fwb, with no strings attached. Felix leaves to pursue his idol dreams, and you begin your life as a college student. When he comes back to visit your town, he’s drawn to you again- but you’re both leading very different lives.

⇢ Warning: smut lol

⇢ W/c: 20k? idk

⇢ A/n: inspired by the TV Girl song “not allowed” <3 this has a lot of smut bc the whole song is abt sex so if ur uncomfortable with that, please don’t interact!

// MINORS DNI // DO NOT STEAL OR REPOST MY WORK

Disclaimer: All characters in this story are 18+. the actions and story represented in this work do not represent Stray Kids in any way; everything described is purely a work of fiction!

You felt your heart drop in your chest. The conversation was not going to be free of hostility. Unsure of how to answer, you locked eyes with him, letting your expression soften into one of remorse.

“I like it. The blonde.”

He gave a small nod. “Thank you.”

You looked around nervously, debating whether you should just get up and leave. He wasn’t going to give up without a confrontation or an apology, both of which were off the table for you.

“I’m gonna go order,” he said, smoothing down his top as he stood up. “Americano?”

You nodded, studying the pattern of the table below you. “Yeah, thanks.”

As he walked down the stairs to the counter, you replayed your thoughts in your head. This was going to be a colossal waste of time if you didn’t drop the cool girl act and just communicate with him like a normal human being. Not even your arguments with Mark were like this, so why were you so averse to doing the right thing? After all, it’s not like you were going to stay at your parents’ place for longer than a week. All of this would be out of sight and out of mind in due time, and you were determined to make it end on a positive note.

When Felix returned, he held two iced americanos in either hand, clutching a small paper bag of croissants in the crook of his elbow.

“Thank you,” you said as he carefully set yours in front of you. The rich, warm scent of both calmed your nerves a little as you took a sip of your coffee and nibbled a bite of the pastry.

Felix sat back in his chair and rested a slender hand on his cheek as he looked at you.

“What?” you asked, worried you’d gotten something on your face.

He shook his head. “Just looking.”

“You’re staring,” you replied, a bashful smile growing on your face for the first time all morning.

“I can’t stare?” He inquired.

“I guess you can if you want to. It’s just a little odd, is all.”

He cocked his head slightly. “I’m catching up on five years of changes. I promise I’m almost done.”

“Okay, okay. I digress.” you said, taking another sip of coffee and staring back at him.

Felix’s hair was much longer than it was all those years ago, reaching just below the nape of his neck. His face was also much slimmer, and he looked rather intimidating with his carved-out jawline and hollowed cheeks. But his eyes were still soft, his button nose still a focal point of his beauty, and his lips even plumper and more pink than you’d remembered.

“You look good,” Felix said in a voice barely above a whisper.

You felt the heat rushing to your cheeks, suddenly more aware of your own appearance, and smiled politely in response.

“Thanks. You look good, too.”

Felix took a sip of his coffee, and then his face turned serious again.

“You… never called.”

You furrowed your brows at him, surprised at how quickly the conversation had changed pace.

“I tried you a couple times. Never heard back.”

You did your best to remain calm, feeling angry at the audacity he had to accuse you of being the one to cut him off. He’d been the one with a time change, phone restrictions, and a whole new life to adjust to. As far as you were concerned, he’d transformed into a completely different person- whether he wanted you to remain in his life was up to him entirely.

“You did? When?”

You shook your head with a dismissive smile.

“When? I don’t know- some time and date five years ago?”

“You didn’t try again after that?”

At this point, you could feel yourself getting pissed off.

“Why would I? I’m not even one to double text- what makes you think I should’ve tried for five years straight? I have a life too, you know.”

He ran a hand through his hair, smoothing down the longer bits and tucking them behind his ears once again.

“I guess… I just thought we ended on a different note than we actually did.”

You cocked your head. “And what note was that?”

He exhaled sharply through his nose. “I don’t know, every day for a whole summer it’s like you can’t get enough of me and now you want to pretend I don’t exist?”

You scoffed at the absurdity of his words, although he had a point.

“So I was supposed to keep trying your cell for five years straight because of some fleeting thing that happened half a decade ago? And where were you in all of this? You had a phone, too.”

“I told you it’d be some time after my trainee period. When I didn’t hear from you, I figured you just didn’t care to talk.”

You rolled your eyes, scoffing again. “Jesus Christ. Was I supposed to be sending an owl every week? Sorry I didn’t get the memo.”

“I didn’t know you needed a memo to remember who I was.”

“I know who you are!”

“Then why are you acting like it never happened?”

You sat back in your chair, angry thoughts racing around your mind.

“Because!” You exclaimed, trying to compose yourself as you finally let your thoughts out.

“Because what we had wasn’t supposed to ruin our friendship! You left to be some mega-rich celebrity and I had to work my ass off to make a life for myself, only to never hear from you again. And now you’re back and I don’t know what it is that you want from me, but if it’s the same thing you wanted all those years ago then you can forget this little meeting ever happened. I’m not some side piece you have when you’re not filming commercials or singing on stage. Believe it or not, I have a life outside of whatever the hell this is.”

He shook his head in disbelief, and a silence washed over both of you. You glanced around the floor, hoping nobody heard any of that. The other diners seemed to be wrapped up in their own conversations, and you felt a minuscule sense of relief.

“I can’t believe you think that’s why I came back. Even back then.”

You stayed quiet, feeling defensive and irate.

“We never should’ve done it in the first place,” you said, lowering your head.

He swallowed a lump in his throat.

“You really feel like that?” Felix asked.

You gave a small nod, holding back frustrated tears.

“Yeah, I do. I wouldn’t have to spend my adult life running from such a stupid mistake.”

Felix’s lips pulled into that same thin-lipped expression of hurt, and he raised his eyebrows.

“Okay. If that’s how you feel.”

Without another word, he pushed out his chair behind him, and gathered the mostly-full drink and crumbs of his unfinished croissant.

You remained seated at the table as he gave you a small bow and made his way to the stairs. And then he was out of sight, for the fourth time that week.

You probably cried for hours that night. It was getting old fast, this torturous act of hurting Felix and then feeling guilty for hours on end. But you couldn’t help the way you felt about the whole situation.

You’d seen the interviews, watched the way he filmed alongside beautiful Korean women and traveled the world to perform in front of thousands of pretty girls. He had the world at his fingertips, and yet he used the brief moment of time you slept with him as a weapon against you- as if he hadn't moved on several times before all this. Moved on to a new place, a new life- probably even several other women.

When you’d finally begun to doze off to sleep, after hours of battling a pounding headache, a startling noise woke you up again.

Three brisk knocks on your window- just like they’d always occurred.

Your heartbeat quickened, and you looked at the clock while still adjusting to the atmosphere around you. It was just past midnight. You crawled out of the comfort of your bed, fixing your hair briefly and pulling up the blinds to get a good look.

Felix stood against the dark night sky, casually dressed in a light gray hoodie and track pants. His hands were shoved in his pockets, head hung in deep remorse.

When you opened the window and looked at him, his glossy eyes suggested he’d been crying too.

“Hi,” Felix said quietly. “Can I come in?”

You complied, stepping aside as he hoisted a leg over the sill and climbed into the small space of your room. It felt like old times, only this time it was tainted by tension and your caution so as to not overstep boundaries.

You sat on the edge of your bed, and Felix found a seat on the desk chair across from you.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I was angry. And I let my emotions get the best of me.”

You chewed on the inside of your lip, an anxious habit that made itself known whenever you had to tear your own walls down.

“I reached out because I cared about you,” he continued. “Five years ago. And I still do. I had zero intention of sleeping with you. It just happened. And it’s not going to happen again. I never would’ve just used you for sex. Part of me wants to think that you know that, too.”

You began to cry even again, wiping tears with the back of your hand. You knew he was right, and you didn’t actually believe that. His intentions had just gotten blurry with him being so far away.

“Hey…” he said, finding his way next to you and wrapping you in a warm hug. “I’m really sorry I hurt you. I was just being selfish.”

You gasped through tears at his words. “I could never forget you,” you blurted out, almost pleading for him to unlearn whatever you’d made him think before. “And I don’t think you used me for sex. It’s just… overwhelming having you back. I don’t think you realize how fucking hard it was for me when you left.”

Felix wiped a tear from your cheek with his thumb. “You don’t think it was hard for me, either? I wanted to tell you so much. I wanted to call you up every chance that I got, but I couldn’t. And then when I didn’t hear from you I thought… I thought maybe I just cared more than you did.”

You shook your head. “I cared, too. Don’t ever think I didn’t care.”

Felix nodded, a kind of light in his eyes at your admittance.

“Can I stay for a bit?” Felix asked, hoping he wasn’t overstepping his boundaries by inquiring. “Nothing weird, I’ll even stay on the floor. I just want to catch up. As friends.”

It was your turn to nod, sitting back against the headboard and pulling your blanket up to your waist. He sat cross legged facing you, both of your gazes meeting each other with curious smiles. And for a small moment in time, you were those careless kids all over again.

You don’t remember Felix leaving, but he did. You also weren’t sure when you’d fallen asleep. Beams of sunlight shining over your eyelids woke you up, and your room was quiet and vacant except for a small note on the desk.

Y/n,

Had to leave for a family thing. See you later tonight?

PS- you still snore

-Felix

You chuckled lightly at the note, remembering the way he’d teased you about that back then.

You’d thought it to be a dream for a second, gripping the note firmly in your hands to remind you it was in fact, real. Felix had been here last night, and you finally didn’t want to cry at the thought of seeing him again. In fact, it excited you.

At breakfast, you thought over the conversations you had last night. Felix told you about his trainee days, long ones spent studying Korean and practicing dances in small, crowded rooms. He recounted the shows he was on, expressing the premature grief he’d felt at almost getting completely eliminated. He told you about the members, eyes filling with joy as he described them in great detail and summarized their seven starkly different personalities.

He told you about how much he’d missed his sisters, how long plane rides finally didn’t make him nauseous anymore, and how he felt much more natural being blonde.

And about how he thought of you every time he stopped at a McDonald’s. He also still used his raspberry chapstick, on his third tube now. And he missed you.

“I never forgot about you. Not once,” he said honestly. “I stopped getting Oreo mcflurries because they tasted so much like you. It was a flavor I wanted to preserve in that little time and space. I feared I’d… lose it.”

You bit back a smile from across the bed. He always had a way with his words, but hearing the details of your relationship with him so eloquently relayed back to you made your head spin.

“We’ll I’m sorry for ruining your favorite McDonald’s order,” you’d said back to him in a joking tone. You didn’t want to give him the wrong idea by entertaining the narrative too much. You kept it platonic.

After all, you still had Mark waiting for you back at home. As your mind snapped back to Mark, your eyes shifted around the room in a panic. It’d been days since you heard from him, and he never answered your last text. In a sudden panic, you reached for your phone and began to dial him, before hanging up and thinking it over. You desperately needed a new set of clothes, and it wouldn’t hurt to check on the apartment.

So after a quick shower and some breakfast, you grabbed your keys and started off toward the apartment again. Not quite ready to return to the place of tedious routine.

As you unlocked the door, an overpowering scent filled the room, making you scrunch your nose in displeasure.

“Mark?” you called out, scanning the room for him.

The kitchen was a mess, dishes piled high in the sink with remnants of previous meals all over them. The table was sprawled with unopened mail and- beer bottles. You knew instantly.

“Mark?” you called again, growing angry at the state of the apartment.

As you made your way into the living room, you finally saw him. Sprawled on the couch, a beer bottle clutched in his hand as a loud game of baseball echoed from the tv.

“Mark? Why is the place so messy?”

He said nothing in response, fixated on the screen in front of him, bringing the bottle to his lips to take another swig of beer.

“Mark?” you said again.

“Jesus- stop saying my name like that, I have a headache.”

Your heart dropped at his tone.

“Yeah, because it’s not even noon yet and you’re already piss drunk. What’s going on?”

He waved a hand to dismiss the conversation.

“No, none of that,” you said. “Tell me what’s going on with you.”

He kept his eyes glued to the game, the commentator’s words drowning out his slurred reply.

“I dunno. Have the place to myself considering my girlfriend left me. Just wanted a beer.”

“Left you?” you said in sheer disbelief. “I’m staying with my parents for a weekend and you think I left you?”

He shrugged. “You left me a while ago. You never want to sleep together anymore. We’re hardly even in the same bed, and when we are, you don’t tell me anything. You don’t visit me at work anymore. We haven’t gone on a proper date in forever. You’re always… gone. Even when you’re here, it’s like you’re not really here.”

It was the first time he sounded sober so far. Your heartbeat quickened with anxiety, as you weren’t prepared to be put on the spot like this.

You took a seat beside him timidly, folding your hands in your lap.

“Is that what this is about?”

“That’s what this has always been about!” he shouted, and you jumped in your seat. “Just say you don’t want this! Any of this,” he said, gesturing to the environment around you.

You shook your head. “I’m just stressed. I still want this, I want you.”

“Then why don’t you fucking act like it?” he questioned. You felt your eyes welling up with tears.

“When have I not acted like it?”

“When you decided your work was more important than us.”

“I have never once put more value into my job than our relationship. You know that. Just because we haven’t had sex or cuddled in a little while doesn’t mean I’m not still here.”

Mark threw his arms up and let out an exasperated sigh, beginning to cry.

“I lost my fucking job,” he said suddenly, hot tears streaming down his face

“You- What?” you said, mouth slightly parted in shock.

He buried his face in the palms of his hands, letting the beer bottle rest on his knee.

“They let me go.”

“When?” you asked, turning your body to face him more.

“Couple weeks ago.”

“Weeks?” you repeated. “Mark, why didn’t you tell me?”

He slouched further back into the couch. “I’m a fucking loser.”

“You’re not a loser,” you said. “You’re going through a tough time.”

You scooted closer to him, enveloping him in a hug and rubbing his knee soothingly.

“Where have you been if not the lab?” You asked suddenly, remembering he’d been gone for hours each night consistently.

He rolled his eyes, pulling away from you. “Does it matter?”

You squinted. “I’m just wondering.”

Mark shut his eyes, taking another swig of beer and ignoring your question. “I need a nap.”

You got up from the couch, gathering the garbage that surrounded him and making your way back to the kitchen.

“I’m gonna clean a little and grab my things. I just came here for a change of clothes.”

Soft snores emitted from the living room.

You spent the better part of your day cleaning the apartment and organizing Mark’s stuff. You probably threw away dozens of takeout boxes and empty beer bottles, pinching your nose at the stench they left behind.

When things seemed habitable again, you grabbed a fresh set of clothes and left the apartment, careful not to wake a sleeping Mark on the sofa.

“You don’t know how long I could stare into your picture, and wish that it was me”

After stopping by your favorite ramen place for dinner and running a few errands, you returned to your parents’ amidst the rush of traffic, looking up at the vast navy sky. It was already nearing nighttime, and you knew Felix was visiting tonight. You’d be lying if you said it wasn’t the only part of your day you were looking forward to.

You showered again, washing the smell of beer and old takeout off your skin. And you dressed up in a cuter set of pajamas this time, matching your tank top to your shorts and completing it with a silky French braid.

You were glad you had remembered to grab a few books from your nightstand at the apartment, settling down under your dimly-lit lamp to continue one you had already started.

And just past midnight, three knocks came from your window.

Felix climbed in with ease, setting a bag down on your desk and slipping off his sneakers. He looked fancier than you’d ever seen him before, light wash jeans accompanying a fitted black shirt and a leather jacket. You bit back a smile at the sight, wishing he’d owned it back when you were allowed to rip it off him.

“Hey,” he said with a smile, sounding out of breath.

“Hi,” you replied gently. “What’s with the fancy outfit?”

He chuckled. “We went to this dinner thing. I dunno, I think I just overdress wherever I go these days.”

You smiled up at him. “It looks good. Maybe overdressing is a good thing.”

“Yeah?” he said. “Maybe.”

You took your seat on the bed, resting against the headboard and crossing your legs.

“How was your day?” he asked. It reminded you of when he’d catch up on your day between hungry kisses before you got intimate. Part of you wished it was still that way.

You shrugged. “Not the best.”

“Why?” he said, furrowing his brows and sitting across from you, also cross-legged.

“Just… a lot. Back home.”

He cocked his head. “Back home? Wait so you don’t… you don’t live here anymore?”

You audibly laughed. “You thought I stayed in this dingy part of town? In this empty room? Of course not!”

“Where do you live then?”

“I’m on the south side, a little drive out from here. I just came to say hi to my parents for a bit. And to get a break from…” your voice trailed off.

“From?” he said, urging you to finish.

“From… my boyfriend.”

Felix felt his heart sink.

He knew you agreed to remain friends. He knew he had an obligation to keep things platonic. He knew how you felt about what happened before. But he still held on to a sliver of hope that you’d be single by the time he came back to visit. Wishful thinking indeed.

“Ah, boyfriend,” he said awkwardly. “That’s cool.”

You nodded. Sensing the awkward tension in the air, you changed the subject.

“What’s in the bag?”

He glanced over at it, shrugging casually. “Baked you a few things. There’s some brownies, lemon tarts and salted caramel cookies. Though I think I needed more caramel on those.”

You grinned at him, shaking your head. “You’re exactly the same. Still got a thing for baking. And spoiling people.”

He smiled back at you, a glint of sadness in his expression. “I never stopped.”

The night was spent catching up once again, you getting more glimpses into his life as an idol, and him learning all about your job and its attributes. Felix was careful not to bring up any topics that might lead back to your boyfriend, still feeling overwhelmed at the mention of one in the first place. Call it immature, but he was undeniably jealous.

Yet every time the room fell silent, his mind wandered back to that minute detail. What did he look like? What did he do for work? How often did the two of you have sex? Were you in love?

Questions he wished he could pry and get an answer to, but ones he knew would push you away. So he kept silent, engaging in surface-level conversation that hardly satisfied his need to understand you.

At half past two, you let out a yawn, feeling your eyelids getting heavy.

“Tired?” he asked, licking a cookie crumb off the tip of his thumb.

You nodded, stretching out your legs and pulling the blankets over you. You fluffed your pillow before resting a hand below your cheek and laying on it, staring up at Felix who still sat across from you.

He swallowed nervously, admiring the way your long lashes blinked up at him so innocently. He remembered that from years ago, a little move that always drove him crazy.

“You want to stay?” you asked quietly.

He swallowed again, feeling his ears get hot.

“I… don’t want to make it weird. Especially with…” his voice trailed off. He couldn’t bring himself to circle back to the boyfriend topic.

“It’s not weird. We’re friends,” you explained. “You can just take the other side and we won’t cuddle or anything.”

Felix’s heart raced at the suggestion. Though he would have preferred cuddling, even as friends, he couldn’t bring himself to decline your offer. He wanted nothing more than to hear your snores as you drifted off to sleep beside him.

“Okay,” he finally replied, removing his jacket and running a hand through his hair.

“You still have a change of clothes in the left drawer,” you said in a sleepy voice. “And your toothbrush is still in the bathroom.”

Felix successfully found the change of clothes, comfortably slipping into them and brushing his teeth with the familiar blue toothbrush you always kept for him.

When he returned, your lashes fluttered open, smiling up at the sight of him. “Cute,” you said quietly.

He felt his heartbeat quicken. There it was again- that feeling he got in the pit of his stomach when he had to remind himself to keep it platonic. Not to smother you with kisses, not to hold you while you slept. But to behave the way a friend did- one with a friend he was wildly attracted to, who also now happened to have a boyfriend.

“Thanks,” Felix said, trying his best to sound nonchalant.

He slipped into the bed next to you, pulling the blankets up to his torso and staring up at the ceiling. It was a sight he wasn’t used to, locking eyes with the white canvas above him. Normally he’d lay on his side, arms wrapped tightly around you, legs lazily hoisted over yours as he pressed little kisses to your face and whispered sweet nothings in your ear.

The feeling felt strange, unnatural, even. Like lying beside a stranger in a foreign place. Not to mention the new addition of clothes- normally, Felix would get himself cleaned up and change into a clean pair of boxers. Sometimes, he wore nothing at all. The white t-shirt and patterned shorts were among the new developments in your friendship with him.

“Need to charge my phone,” he said suddenly, sitting up and reaching for his phone from beside him.

“Would you plug mine in, too?” you said, eyes still shut as sleep began to wash over you.

He reached for yours, balancing the two phones in one hand as he made his way across the room to a spare outlet. First he plugged in his own, the little chime confirming the outlet worked. And then yours- the glow of your lockscreen making him squint against the brightness. He glanced over his shoulder at your sleeping frame, small breaths emitting from your mouth as you dozed.

A growing curiosity led him to tap the screen as it dimmed again, examining the photo set as your background.

It was a man, presumably your boyfriend, dressed in a black jacket and a snug black beanie, smiling at the camera as one slender hand gripped a spoonful of ice cream.

Felix felt his stomach churn. He carefully observed all of his features- big brown eyes, dark slanted brows and a strong, masculine jawline. He was handsome- hell, he was hot.

Felix painfully imagined the scenario that preceded the photo. First date? Second date? Hundredth date? Did he kiss you before, or after the picture was taken? Had the same spoon been used to feed you ice cream? Did you already live together at the time? What was his reaction at the photo finding a place on your lockscreen?

Felix clenched his jaw. He hoped the guy appreciated you making the photo a permanent part of your routine. The same photo you’d look at when you woke up in the morning, the same photo you’d look at right before going to sleep at night. The photo you’d see before dialing your mom or dad. The photo you’d see if Felix were to call.

As he sat observing the photo, refreshing the dimming light for a third time, a small buzz caught his attention. There on your phone, a text banner covered the guy’s face. Felix scanned it briefly, knowing he really shouldn’t be prying in your text messages like this.

Mark: Sorry about today

Felix raised an eyebrow. It must’ve been the guy on the lockscreen. A little heart emoji next to his name confirmed his suspicion. Another text came through as he finished reading.

Mark: I should’ve told u

He frowned. Told you what? What had happened before he came over tonight? Is that why you seemed upset?

Mark: Sorry for yelling. Thanks for fixing the place

Mark: I’ll explain when you get back

Mark: I don’t deserve you

Felix scoffed silently. At least he knew that much.

Mark: I still love you

And then he froze. The four words made his heart stop briefly.

He knew you’d been seeing someone new. He knew you weren��t single, and that you and him were not going to hook up. Let alone be in any form of an intimate relationship.

But he hadn’t considered that the two of you were on “I love you” terms. The thought of it made his throat dry. You were entirely in love with someone, and it wasn’t him. It was never going to be him. For a fleeting second, Felix considered leaving. There was no reason to be here- in bed, asleep next to someone he’d felt so complicated about. He’d just grab his things and disappear out the window, probably never coming to visit you again. The presence of Mark in your life would likely fill the microscopic hole that was the absence of Felix’s.

“Felix?” you said in a whisper. “Are you coming to bed?”

And he melted at the sound of your voice all over again. Giddy at the thought of being close to you again, of smelling your familiar scent and waking up next to you when Mark surely wouldn’t.

“Coming,” Felix replied. “Just letting my mom know I’ll be late tomorrow.”

And before he could think it over any further, he slipped back into bed beside you. Hands folded over his chest, staring up at the ceiling that now seemed much more inviting than the thought of leaving you to sleep alone. The picture of Mark was etched in his mind like a painful tattoo, and he winced when he remembered the texts you would wake up to.

But not before you slept beside him first, gracing his presence with your light snores and sweet scent. Something Mark wouldn’t get for at least tonight- and for that reason alone, he was satisfied.

“I dreamt I was standing in your doorstep, licking sweat off of your forehead, with your finger in my mouth, and the sound when leather jackets hit the ground”

Labored breaths escaped your parted lips as you slept, turning over in discomfort.

You’d fallen asleep hours ago, Felix following shortly after. And quickly, he found his way into your dreams.

Maybe it was the absence of intimacy between you and Mark, or maybe it was that stupid leather jacket Felix had worn tonight. Either way, your mind was clouded with images of it, painting vivid pictures of it on the floor between you.

Felix towered over you, blonde hair falling into his face as he tilted your chin up to meet his, pressing wet kisses to your lips and neck. Your hands remained at your sides, waiting for him to take the lead.

An eager hand snaked up your frame, finding its way to your mouth, where he interrupted the kiss by sliding a slender finger into your lips. You sucked obediently, never letting your eyes lose sight of his.

When you’d soaked him in your spit, he guided you backward to the bed, desperately parting your legs and inserting two fingers into your aching sex. You gripped his forearms with pleasure, moaning against his lanky figure and begging for more.

He hummed at your noises, pressing the hardness in his boxers against your core. When you gasped in response, he stood up again, running a hand through his hair as you watched him pull the waistband down lower, lower…

Your own gasps woke you up, pausing at the realization of how much you’d sweated onto your sheets. Felix was sound asleep on the pillow next to you, his chest rising and falling gently with his snores.

You glanced at the time. It was just past 3. Felix had not even been asleep for a full hour, and yet here you were having lewd visions of him fingering you in the very spot you slept. You quietly slipped out from the covers, strolling to the bathroom and shutting the door behind you.

You didn’t bother turning on the light, afraid you would wake Felix and cause him concern so late at night. Instead, you pushed aside the curtain in the bathroom window, allowing silver-blue moonlight to illuminate the room around you, observing your disheveled appearance in the mirror above the sink. Beads of sweat glued curly strands of hair to your forehead.

Still aware of the heat in your core, you pulled down your shorts, and then your panties, quietly gasping at the sight. They almost peeled away from your wetness, stringy white lines of desperation disappearing on to the soaked spot where your longing for him made itself known.

All it took was that stupid leather jacket, and here you were, almost cumming at the sight of him in dream.

You couldn’t help yourself, letting one finger circle the pool that had accumulated between your thighs. The panting began gradually, as your mind wandered back to where you’d been so rudely interrupted in your dream.

You continued the fantasy of his boxers being pulled fully down, eyebrows arched in pleasure at the thought of his cock springing out, all hard and leaky and ready for you. In consciousness you’d probably tease him, a gentle hand caressing his length as you’d coo little compliments up at him, admiring the way he could barely contain himself.

You’d bend yourself over the side of the bed, instructing him to use you, to fuck you hard, until he was satisfied. And he would, his length finding its way to your aching pussy, rubbing his wet head over your clit until you were begging to have him inside you.

You could feel yourself getting close as you fantasized when he’d slide into you, his erection stretching you out the way it did all those years ago. You’d promise with pleading in your voice that you’d let him use you whenever he wanted, however he pleased, so that you’d get used to his familiar size and shape again.

And he would smile between hard thrusts, picking up the pace as his hand would find its way to the small of your back, rubbing a thumb along your skin soothingly before leaning over and pressing a wet kiss on your shoulders.

Your moans would fill the room, saying his name like a prayer you’d repeat again and again, the four walls around you teeming with echoes of wet skin and filthy words.

And that same gentle hand would caress your throat as he found his release, this time inside of you. He’d shower you with praise the way he always did, his deep voice making your skin tingle as he pressed little kisses to your neck and ear. And you’d kiss away his tears, staying close to him until sleep called your name.

As your mind drifted back into reality, you brought a finger up, observing the way you’d made a mess of yourself right in front of the sink. You parted two fingers curiously, white cum glistening under the moonlight.

How pathetic. You’d been the one to establish boundaries again. You’d been the one who specified this was a platonic occurrence.

Yet here you were, masturbating to filthy thoughts of him while he slept in the room next door, knowing very well you had a boyfriend waiting for you back home.

After getting cleaned up, you found your way back to the bed, crawling in next to him like a guilty sinner. He turned to face you in his sleep with small breaths escaping his parted lips.

Felix looked like an angel at this time of night. But the thoughts he gave you were anything except saint-like.

Felix had to leave again in the morning, waking you up as he sat up in bed and stretched beside you.

“Felix?” you said, memories of last night flooding your head all over again. You hoped he didn’t hear you in the bathroom.

“Didn’t mean to wake you,” he replied, his raspy morning voice sending shivers down your spine. “Have to go get some stuff done today.”

You turned over so that you were facing him and stared up at him through groggy eyes.

He tucked his hair behind his ears, looking down at you and giving you a small smile. The sunlight kissed his blonde hair, setting it aglow and making it appear almost white. His eyes were puffy with exhaustion, but his smile exuded that of a restful night.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked.

You thought back to a few hours ago.

“Yeah. Better than I have in a while. You?”

He rubbed an eye, nodding. “I feel less tense.”

“Good,” you said. Maybe his dream self relieving some tension had carried over into his consciousness.

“Do you want to do something tonight?” Felix asked suddenly. “I mean, like, go somewhere? I feel bad that we’ve only been catching up at ungodly hours of the night and then I have to leave.”

You reached a hand out, playing with a loose hem on his shirt. “Yeah. That sounds nice.”

He smiled again. “Cool. I’ll pick you up at around 6? We’ll go somewhere fancy.”

You nodded, shutting your eyes again.

Without another word, he was out of the bed, pulling on his clothes from yesterday and neatly folding the pajamas before storing them back in the dresser.

“Don’t forget your jacket,” you said, giving him an amused smile as he pulled it off your desk chair and draped it over one arm.

“Oh yeah, thanks,” Felix replied.

And with a small wave he disappeared out the window again, leaving you to the vacant room with thoughts running rampant.

“I guess it’s different ‘cause you love him, but I’ve got an interactive sick and twisted imagination”

It was no use. Felix couldn’t behave like a normal functioning human when he wasn’t around you. Nor when he was around you. His mind wandered back to that photo set as your lockscreen- of Mark holding a spoonful of ice cream, looking handsome and intimate.

As he sat in the backseat of the van, his mom talking the family’s ear off about plans for his sister’s upcoming graduation, he gritted his teeth remembering the texts.

He wondered if you read them yet, and how you felt about them. Maybe you were elated to hear from Mark, traveling back to the apartment to make love to him and accept his half-assed apology. Maybe you had already broken up with him, finally realizing your true feelings for Felix and waiting up for him in bed like you used to, only this time madly in love.

Felix felt like such a loser. He could no longer deny the way he felt about you, constantly wondering what you were doing when he wasn’t around, who you were interacting with, and how often you thought of him. He’d give anything to crawl around in your mind and find out how you felt about him now that things were this different. He probably would’ve snooped through your phone last night if it wasn’t locked, to find a trace of him, and come to the absurd conclusion that you wanted him just as badly as he wanted you.

Felix glanced down at his phone, opening Instagram for the millionth time today and clicking on your user. You didn’t use it much, but the 18 little squares did provide a window into your life without Felix, and he hated it.

He hated to see you in a short dress at a club he wasn’t aware of. Hated to see your graduation photos, ones he wished he would’ve received when they were taken.

Hated to see the pictures you had with Mark. One whole carousel dedicated to him, ten random photos you selected for a birthday post. A selfie of the two of you in bed, a funny picture of him wearing a face mask, a photo from when he let you make little braids in his hair and posed for you. And another photo from that same ice cream date, a different angle, but just as handsome and intimate as the first time.

Felix clicked on all the same photos, reading the captions over again, stalking users from the comment sections and piecing together who they were in relation to you. But it was no use. No amount of obsessive stalking was going to make you like him. You had a life without him, beyond what you had five years ago. You’d been right about that.

Felix sighed, locking his phone again and thinking back to last night. He’d been so ecstatic to spend the night by your side again. It felt like home. He felt safe.

He hoped you didn’t notice the erection that troubled him early into the night. He’d been forced to focus on his breathing patterns, moving as far away from you as possible to not get aroused by your sleeping figure. He remembered you getting up at some point, a brief interval of time which he felt empty and exposed without you in your bed. When you’d returned, he felt his heart could burst, suddenly overjoyed at the reminder that you were here beside him in your bed. And that it would remain that way until morning broke. Each passing minute worried him, and he so badly wished he could freeze time and stay with you in your bed forever.

“Felix?” a voice interrupted. He snapped his head up to the mirror, humming in response to his mom.

“Should we coordinate so you can stay at the cabin with us? Or do you want your own room?”

His sister’s graduation. She’d planned a few days with her friends to stay by the lake, and most of Felix’s family would be at the neighboring cabin.

“Oh, uh… I dunno, I was planning something with a few friends.”

“That’s okay,” she responded. “I know you have a lot you wanted to do.”

Her voice trailed back to the topic of their plans, and Felix’s mind wandered back to you. His family being away meant he had you to himself for a few days, and he wouldn’t have to leave you in the mornings. He bit back a smile at the thought of staying in bed with you all day. Even just as friends.

But the change of plans meant he had to organize something special tonight. Dinner? A movie? The two of you seldom saw movies together back then, always leaving 20 minutes in to go get busy in his car. He wasn’t even sure if you still liked all the same restaurants.

But he did have one thing in mind, and he hoped it would help you forget all about Mark.

When you woke for a second time, it was well past 11. You rubbed your eyes of sleep, surprised at how tired you’d been all week. Last night’s events really relieved your stress- maybe a little too much.

You made your way to your phone, several notifications catching your eye.

Ten total texts from Mark, a few from last night, the last one being just an hour ago.

Mark: Call me when you can

Mark: I want to talk

Mark: Can you come over at all?

Mark: Sorry

You furrowed your brows, the texts ringing several alarms in your head. The constant apologies, the urgency to speak with you. The fight hadn’t been that bad, right? Did you remember it differently?

And one from Felix, who seldom texted you. The two of you were still getting acquainted with speaking through little messages like this- you didn’t have to in the past because you were always together. Phone calls were your preferred method of communicating with him if anything, but his texts were always so innocent, and knowing he was thinking of you made you smile.

Felix: 🐣

The little emoji made you giggle, momentarily forgetting about Mark’s eagerness to speak with you. You shot him back a little emoji in response, settling on the sun, representative of both the day outside and his presence in your life. Sunshine.

You put your phone face down on the bed again, gathering your clothes and toiletries for a shower. You had to go see Mark, and something told you it was going to be a long, long conversation.

After a quick shower and some breakfast, (or lunch, rather), you were off to see Mark again.

The apartment was beginning to look messy all over again. There were more takeout boxes sprawled along the counter, random belongings on the dining table and dishes stacked on the coffee table.

“Mark?” you called out.

“In the bedroom,” he shouted back, a somber tone in his voice.

You kicked off your shoes and followed to your shared room, and the state of it confused you.

His clothes, stacked high on the bed, some hung neatly on hangers and some folded. His collection of sneakers, piled in one corner, along with his belts and hats. And miscellaneous paraphernalia that belonged to him- journals, briefcases, mementos.

“Mark?” you said, taking in the sight.

He looked up at you, pulling his lips in a thin line. He looked as though he’d been crying.

“Sit,” he said plainly. You complied.

Before he said anything, he let out a heavy sigh, scratching the back of his head.

“I never meant for you to find out like this,” Mark said.

You waited for him to continue.

“I just… things were hard. And I guess it was hard to come to you about it, because you always have your shit together.”

You twiddled your thumbs together nervously, “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

He looked behind him at the pile of clothes. “I didn’t think you’d want me around anymore.”

You turned to look at him, a little angry at him for jumping to conclusions like this. “I’ve done nothing but care for you. You’ve been here at some of my lowest points. Why do you discredit me when I’m here for yours?”

He looked at the floor, saying nothing.

“I mean for god’s sake Mark, not telling me about your job is one thing. But you’re going to act like I’m the bad guy for needing a little space when we’re going through a rough patch? I let you have the place for a bit, doesn’t mean I’m not coming back for you. I love you and you know that.”

He swallowed. “I just don’t know how we’re supposed to come back from this.”

“Come back from what, you drinking here and there to cope? A small argument we had last night?”

“Me sleeping with my lab partner,” Mark blurted out.

You fell silent. A wave of shock washed over you, and then distress. Your throat went dry, your eyes trembling with tears prematurely.

“You what?” you asked, your voice coming out in a whisper.

Mark hung his head. “I thought you knew.”

“No I didn’t fucking know! Jesus, Mark! How long has this been going on?” The tears began to fall, staining your face with mascara.

“Four months,” he answered. Mark didn’t cry, nor did he raise his voice. It was a casual confession, like he’d been waiting to tell you all this time.

Mark hadn’t even been out of a job four months ago. The cheating had begun when you two were still on good terms. Or so you’d thought.

You nodded, silent sobs escaping your lips. Mark watched you with a guilt-ridden expression, knowing that this was it.

“Okay,” you said, standing up from the bed and slinging your purse over your shoulder.

He stood up too, observing your face. “I’ll be out by the time you’re back. I already arranged for my stuff to be picked up.”

His nonchalant tone angered you. You wanted to scream, to hit him and try anything to make him stay. But the truth was, you’d already lost Mark a long time ago.

The two of you had been nothing but strangers in a joint bedroom, pretending nothing had gone awry, when in actuality, your feelings were just as convoluted as his. Maybe it was the stress of your job, or the existence of a routine that drove you crazy most days. Either way, you hadn’t been happy with him for a long time. The same rang true for Mark.

“Can I ask you something?” You said before leaving.

He paused with baited breath.

“Why did you act like I was the one who threw this all away?”

He hung his head again. “Like I said before. It was hard to come to you about it. You always have your shit together. You always know what you want. And I think…” his voice trailed off. You raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to finish.

“I think your heart might be elsewhere too.”

It was your turn to shift to an expression of guilt. Had he known all this time? About your complex feelings? About Felix coming back, and your nights with him, albeit nothing intimate?

Though you wanted to defend yourself, you couldn’t. Instead, you pursed your lips together, nodding reluctantly in silence.

“I’ll be back in a few days,” you said. “Can we grab a coffee or something soon?”

Mark’s expression softened. He took a step forward, opening his arms for a hug, which you stepped into. His hugs, always so familiar- the scent of his cedar cologne and the firmness of his arms always felt like home. Or at least they did until this point of your life- maybe your chapter in this apartment with Mark was finally at a close.

“Of course we can,” he said, his voice muffled into your tear-stained shoulder.

And there you stood, basking in the last fragments of the place you’d called home for so long.

“Do you like these little sonnets? ‘Cause I wrote them just for you”

In all honesty, the last thing you wanted to do was go out tonight. You’d spent the afternoon crying in your room, grieving the last few days you had with Mark. He’d been a steady part of your adult life for as long as you’d known it, and suddenly, he just… wasn’t anymore.

You wanted to call him and ask if he was still seeing the girl he’d cheated with. A part of you wanted to hate him, but the other part just wanted him to be happy. Maybe this adult life was something you needed to navigate away from each other now. Maybe this routine wasn’t healthy for either of you. Since your freshman year of college, Mark was all you’d ever known. You hadn’t slept with anyone else, hadn’t dated anyone else, and hadn’t really met other men aside from his friends. But the thought of navigating the future without him was petrifying.

On the other hand, you longed for the uncertainty. You wanted to have the freedom to go out and come home late, not having to worry about anyone waiting up for you. You wanted to discover new things about yourself, see the world, and make your own coffee at night when you worked. It’s not that you didn’t appreciate everything Mark did for you in that sense, but when incorporated into the repetitive routine of adulthood, they had lost meaning to both of you. Maybe that’s why Mark sought something else in another woman.

And maybe that’s why you couldn’t push Felix away anymore.

You weren’t sure about any of it. But you did know Mark seemed to have a weight off his shoulders. And you did know sleeping next to Felix felt… right. It felt safe again. It felt like home.

You packed a few of your nicer clothes from the apartment, trying on variations of them in the bathroom mirror back at your parents’ house.

Felix had called briefly to tell you to wear something that would match his black suit, and you were intrigued by the amusement in his voice. But you also faked your excitement on the phone, trying your best to hold back tears and sniffles.

So you settled on a silky maroon dress, the draped neckline accentuating the curve of your breasts and hugging your waist like it was tailored to you. A pair of black heels complemented your dress, and you felt sexy for the first time in a while.

Felix called you when he arrived, almost on the dot.

“I’m here,” he said. “Do you want me to go up? Or- are you parents home? I should probably say hi.”

You giggled at his nervousness. Just about anything made Felix nervous. He was an over thinker at heart.

“I’ll meet you out there,” you said.

As you adjusted your earrings in the mirror, a wave of sadness washed over you again. It had been this very dress that you’d worn when Mark was a guest speaker at your school’s biology department. He loved the color on you- even made sure he snapped a few photos of you in it before tearing it off between kisses.

You shook your head, ridding yourself of the memories, and tried your best to remind yourself that tonight was for fun. You needed a night to get your mind off things, to think of something other than your job and Mark.

You made your way outside, and Felix stepped out from the driver’s seat, hands folded behind his back nervously. You locked up behind you and carefully started toward the car, Felix jogging up to meet you halfway.

“Wow…” he said, staring at you in wonder.

You chuckled, feeling a blush rise in your cheeks.

“You look…” he started, losing track of his words as his eyes locked with yours.

He brought two fingers up to his neck, discreetly checking for a pulse as you smiled at him. It was a habit he’d done since he was young- an even cuter one considering he always thought you’d never noticed.

“You look very pretty,” he finished, a twinkle in his eyes as he spoke.

“Thanks,” you replied. “You look very handsome.”

Felix checked for a pulse again, playing it off as an itch on the crook of his neck.

“Ready?” you asked as he stood in silence.

“Yeah,” Felix replied, trying his best to snap out of the trance he was in.

The two of you made your way to the car, Felix holding the door for you, and sat quietly for a moment while he confirmed the address on his phone.

“Where are we going?” You asked. He only smiled at you.

“It’s a surprise.”

Once he started the GPS, the two of you chatted the whole drive, exchanging stories about your families and friends. Felix told you about his sister’s graduation party, and that he would have the place to himself for a few days. Doing his best to slip in a casual invitation for you to spend the night. (Platonically, of course.)

You told him all about what your own graduation was like- down to the hangover you had after clubbing for 13 hours straight. Felix couldn’t help but wonder where Mark fit into your story.

The drive was much like they used to be. Aside from the steamy moments you used to share, conversations were always the most fun part about being around Felix. He always had something new to tell you, little tales that kept you on your feet and drew you even closer to him. It seemed that after five long years, you could finally reciprocate with your own fascinating anecdotes.

Before you knew it, the two of you had arrived at a hotel, finding a parking spot in the garage below. You stepped out and looked around, wrapping your arms around yourself and inhaling the cool breeze.

“Cold?” Felix asked, and you shook your head.

“Feels nice, actually.”

You linked arms with him as he led you into the building and to the elevator, where another elegant looking man pressed the up button for the two of you. A little bell chime indicated it was at your level, the double doors opening slowly in front of you. Felix ushered you in first, following carefully behind you and pressing the silver circle marked ‘R’.

As the elevator began, it jerked with force, causing you to gasp and grip the bar to the left of you. Felix moved closer to you, placing a gentle hand on your waist as the ride continued. You felt goosebumps form on your skin at his touch, remembering all too well how it had felt back then. It still made your heart race.

When you arrived, the double doors slid open again, and you gasped at the view in front of you. It was a rooftop restaurant overlooking the city, thousands of little buildings below you glowing like stars in the night sky. The tables were neatly lined with white tablecloths and candles. And the best part? The rooftop was empty, aside from a waiter who politely gestured to the table nearest the ledge. You bowed graciously as he led the way and poured you both a glass of champagne, placing two menus on the table before he left.

As you stared awestruck at the skyline, Felix’s gaze remained locked on your gentle expression. His heart raced watching you smile, eyes twinkling with reflections of the city he called home.

“Do you like it?” He asked.

“Like it?” You repeated. “Felix, it’s so beautiful up here... How’d you even find this place?” You turned to look at him and he glanced down nervously at the menu, feeling his heart might burst with affection.

“Heard of it through a friend.”

He wasn’t going to tell you the truth of course- that he spent nearly two hours of his day in the backseat of his parents’ van googling romantic dinner locations in the city. Calling up 14 in total for a last minute reservation, eventually convincing his manager to have them clear the reservation list so you’d have the privacy you deserved. Which he paid extra for- along with the private parking spot, a table closest to the ledge, and the specialty request champagne.

“Raspberries?” You said curiously, taking a sip of the sparkling beverage. A raspberry champagne cocktail on ice- a recipe Felix found online and personally requested.

“Wow, you have to try the champagne,” you told Felix, eyes glimmering at the heavenly flavor. He knew you’d like it.

When the waiter came back to your table, Felix ordered you both a mutual favorite of chicken risotto, handing your menus to the waiter and turning back to you with a shy smile.

“What?” You asked playfully.

He giggled. “Nothing. It’s just nice to be here with you.”

You nodded, taking another sip of champagne. Of course, memories of your day with Mark still plagued your mind. You didn’t want to give Felix the wrong idea considering you were still going through a rough patch, unsure of what the future even held for the two of you. Keep it casual, you reminded yourself.

“It is nice,” you said. “I needed an outing like this with my best friend.”

Felix’s smile faded a little, reaching for his own glass of champagne and taking a big sip. He cleared his throat, his coughing getting louder as he set the glass down.

“Are you okay?” You asked.

He nodded with flushed cheeks and watery eyes. “Raspberry. Got stuck in my throat.”

You slid him a napkin and he wiped his mouth of the pink residue, turning away to not embarrass himself further.

“Do you want me to get you a glass of water?” You asked with concern in your voice.

“I’ll do it,” he said quickly, standing up from the table. I’m doing so, he bumped his knee on the edge, knocking his glass over and staining the white tablecloth.

“Fuck,” Felix said angrily. “Shit.”

You placed the glass upright again. “It’s okay, we can just remove the tablecloth.” You glanced around the rooftop for the waiter who’d been away at the kitchen.

Felix piled the cutlery with shaky hands, dropping a fork with a loud clang as he scrambled to remove the tablecloth. You noticed his shakiness and reached out to place a hand gently over his own. He stopped to look at you with wide eyes.

“Felix,” you said. “Breathe.”

He took a deep breath and blinked a few times at you.

“Sorry,” Felix said, embarrassment evident in his voice. “It’s been a while since…” his voice trailed off, knowing he wasn’t allowed to refer to this as a date.

“It’s okay,” you said. “It’s just me.”

Just you, Felix thought. Just the woman he’d been fawning over for years. Just the woman he hadn’t forgotten once in the span of his new life. The woman he looked for in everyone, in everything. The woman he couldn’t form sentences around or stop stumbling over himself.

“Just you” was the problem.

Felix sat down across from you again, and the waiter returned with your food, placing it on the bare wooden table with a questioning look. Felix sheepishly handed him the strained tablecloth.

Felix’s nervousness had always been charming to you. You couldn’t help but smile at the way he’d display those same mannerisms from years ago, desperate to look “cool”, and being anything but in the process.

“What?” Felix asked you this time, cutting into his chicken.

“Nothing,” you said. “I think it’s better without the tablecloth anyway.”

He huffed out a laugh. “It was a little overkill.”

“Oh, definitely. In fact, they should’ve swapped our table for one of those plastic outdoor ones. Those are peak fine dining. Or maybe those cheeseburger stools from McDonald’s? Now that would’ve been impressive.”

Felix laughed loudly, and you joined him, watching as his shoulders relaxed with every movement.

As the night progressed, Felix seemed a lot more comfortable, finally coming around to the idea of having dinner with his best friend- nothing more. Memories of Mark tainted your mind when the night fell silent, and the images of him were still burned into Felix’s mind. But you both embraced the night with open arms, like you were the only two who existed in this timeline- the way it was when you were just kids.

At the end of the night, you got up to get a better look at the view. Felix followed, snapping a few photos and dragging you into one for a selfie in front of the skyline.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, admiring the way everything looked so small from up here. So insignificant, so fleeting. Like your life was a city, and every building was just a small part of it, no matter how big it seemed from down there.

“See there?” You said, pointing at the south side. “That’s where my apartment is.”

Felix looked out, squinting at the horizon.

“And there,” you said, pointing in another direction. “Is where my university was.”

From the corner of your eye, you could tell Felix wasn’t looking at the skyline anymore. He had his gaze locked on you, carefully observing the way your hair flowed in the gentle night time breeze. Two fingers worked their way up to check his pulse again- still breathing.

You didn’t look back at him. Instead, you studied the way the city seemed to change by the minute. Planes with flashing lights flickering in thick fog, cars that drove by in the blink of an eye. Offices still with their lights on, apartments and houses already asleep for the night. It was all so changing- so uncertain. You could take pictures just seconds apart and it’d be the same place, but never the exact same moment in time.

“Want to get going?” You asked, still aware of his eyes on you.

“Yeah,” Felix said quietly. He wasn’t sure what he’d been hoping for, but he felt briefly disappointed.

You finally turned to him, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and smiling at him. “Come on then.”

Felix led you down the stairs to the elevator, where you both entered, and he pushed a silver circle marked 17.

You cocked your head in confusion. “Isn’t it the garage level?”

A knowing smile met your confused expression. “I booked us a room for the night.”

It was the last of Felix’s surprises- one he knew you’d be excited about. Similarly, one he hoped wouldn’t overstep his boundaries. Fancy hotel rooms were something the two of you only dreamt of in the past, joking about how you’d order one of everything from room service and sleep in everyday till noon. Along with a list of other things you always wanted to try, but he knew very well that was no longer a part of the plan. He didn’t mind, simply wanting to spend a night by your side in a room that wasn’t your childhood bedroom. Now that he could afford it, he’d make sure you experienced everything you once wanted to.

“Felix…” you began. “This is too much.”

He shook his head nonchalantly. “It’s a little day trip. You don’t work tomorrow and my family’s out for the weekend. Might as well stay while we’re here.”

The elevator stopped at your floor and you got off, following his strut down the hall as he found your room. He pulled a white card out from the pocket of his suit, scanning it and pushing the door open with ease.

“Come on,” he said, gesturing for you to follow him.

The sweet scent of vanilla and sandalwood filled the room all around you in an instant. You gasped at the sight of tall clear windows that overlooked the same skyline view you had at dinner. Two massive beds occupied the middle of the room that connected to a single bathroom.

“What about our stuff?” You said suddenly, unable to imagine sleeping in this gown.

“The staff’s already on their way up with our bags. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Felix sat on the edge of the bed, arms rested behind him. You made your way over to him, sitting opposite him on your own bed, unable to speak.

“I… I don’t even know what to say.”

He chuckled. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to do something fun for my best friend.”

“Thank you,” you said. “Seriously- thank you. This has been the best surprise after such a… shitty week. I really needed this.”

“I’m glad,” Felix replied. “That was my plan.” He laid back on the white duvet, spreading his limbs out along the surface. “Now can we please order some dessert from room service?”

“We wanna talk about sex but we’re not allowed”

“Solid 6/10.”

“What?” You replied. “No way.”

“Way,” Felix replied. “The vanilla tastes… bitter.”

“Bitter? Are we eating the same thing?”

“Crème brûlée. Bitter crème brûlée.” He remarked.

You laughed, setting down your fork.

“Okay, last one.” You lifted the silver dome cover off the last plate, revealing a single slice of cheesecake.

“Now this one I’m judging harshly,” Felix said.

“You judged all of them harshly!” You said jokingly.

“Touché.”

“Ready? One, two, three…” you popped a forkful in your mouth, chewing for a moment before nodding. “That’s the single best slice of cheesecake I’ve ever had.”

“No way,” Felix said.

“Way,” you replied.

You handed the fork back to Felix, who took a bite of his own, thinking it over for a second. “8/10.”

“What! You’re just being cocky now.”

“Mine is better! You can’t deny that.”

“Mmm I’m not so sure.”

In a fit of laughter, you laid back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and shutting your eyes briefly. “I can’t believe we’re here.”

You turned your head to face the view again, speckles of city lights gleaming from beyond the tall glass windows.

“It’s something, huh?” Felix said.

“Mhmm. This was one of our bucket list items from that summer.”

Felix felt his heartbeat quicken, surprised you brought up the topic of that summer at all. He’d wanted to talk about it for so long, not being able to with your new established dynamic.

“Yeah,” he said. “I remember.”

“What’d we plan again? Dessert from the room service menu, steal the amenities? Sleep on silk sheets?”

He looked at you nervously, waiting for you to say it. Something- anything at all to prove you remembered.

Have sex in the jacuzzi, Felix thought to himself. Fuck on the balcony. Do it in the middle of the night and try not to wake the neighboring rooms.

“Yeah,” he settled on replying. “Think you got everything.”

You sat up again, making your way over to your suitcase and digging out your toothbrush out from the pile of clothes. “Gonna brush,” you said.

Felix followed, sharing the sink space with you as you brushed your teeth in front of the large mirror.

He wore a simple white shirt and blue flannel pants, you much more exposed in white cotton shorts and a tank top. Felix’s eyes darted briefly to your body and then back at your reflection in the mirror, and you suddenly felt much more aware of your appearance.

When you finished, you crawled under the duvet again and enveloped yourself in the thick white sheets. You turned to face Felix, who climbed into his own bed across from you.

“Thank you,” you said to him again. “For tonight.”

Felix nodded nervously. “You deserve it.”

And sleep washed over you quickly.

“So how should I begin this? I guess it started when you were with him”

Felix hadn’t slept at all- in fact, he spent a good portion of the night facing you and letting the steady sound of your breathing fill the room. Rather he couldn’t sleep, unable to contain the growing bulge in his pants at the sight of your figure.

He felt like such a loser again, his mind going back to summer when you made all those plans for a hotel room. And yet here he was, sleeping a few feet away from you in his own bed, having unholy thoughts about someone with a boyfriend. It was an unprecedented level of pathetic he felt.

Trying his best not to wake you, he slipped out from the covers, tip-toeing his way to the bathroom. At least he could get some relief in there and maybe get some shut-eye.

But his efforts were futile, waking you up as soon as he took the first steps toward you.

“Felix?” You called out.

“Sorry,” he responded quickly, awkwardly bending over to hide his crotch. “I couldn’t sleep. Was gonna get a drink of water.”

You smiled sympathetically, patting the bed next to you. “Get in,” you said politely. He panicked.

You’d surely find out about the ongoing incident if he complied. But selfishly, he wanted to, hoping that being closer to you would help it die down. A dense thought process, that’s for sure.

So he obeyed, pulling his t-shirt down and slipping under the sheets so fast you couldn’t possibly have noticed in this darkness. You turned to face him, finally being able to see his face at this proximity. And for a minute, the two of you said nothing, gazing at each other under the dim glow of the city lights outside.

You can’t remember who initiated it first, thinking it might’ve very well been you, who scooted closer and kissed him.

Felix shut his eyes instinctively, like he knew this was going to happen. But the fact was, he didn’t. His heartbeat raced at a concerning speed now, head dizzy with thoughts. Still, he said nothing. Asked nothing. He just stayed there, kissing you back like his life depended on it.

A tender hand found its way to your cheek, where he brushed a strand of your hair aside to place little kisses along your face. In doing so, he moved even closer, accidentally brushing his waist against your thigh.

“Fuck,” Felix said while pulling away. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

He was rock hard now, head spinning with the reminder of how you tasted and breathed against him like this.

You hoisted yourself up, looking down at his fearful expression. But you didn’t say anything in response, instead leaning down to kiss him again. His kisses were more desperate this time, little moans escaping into your mouth as you ran your tongue along his bottom lip. You pulled away again for a breath, and Felix panicked thinking you might leave or stop.

This time however, you climbed over his delicate frame, straddling his waist as he sat up and rested his back against the headboard. His crotch pressed against you eagerly, but you stayed there for an excruciating few minutes, running a hand over his chest and into his blonde locks.

“Blonde…” you said in an amused tone.

You traced his freckles with a single finger, sliding down to graze over the slope of his nose and then over his plump, needy lips.

“Please…” Felix whispered as you leaned in to kiss him. “Please,” he said again between soft kisses. “Please, please, please…”

His usually deep voice was much higher in pitch when he was this needy, and you’d never heard it this way before.

“Mmm. Please what?” You said against his wet lips. He hesitated for a moment.

“Please… use me…” he said shyly, a twinge of desperation as his breath hitched in his throat. His hips rocked gently against yours, reluctant hands finding their way down to your waist.

The friction made you moan softly against him, and it was your turn to kiss him with longing. You wasted no more time reaching a hand between the two of you to pull off his pants as he slid your shorts down. You wrapped your legs around his torso in just your panties, clothed cock pressed firmly against your growing wetness, and he groaned in frustration.

“Fuck…” he breathed out. “Don’t move or I might finish.”

You smiled between gentle kisses to his collarbones. Knowing he wasn’t exaggerating about finishing prematurely, you finally pulled his boxers down, wrapping one hand around his length and moving up and down.

“Ah…” Felix struggled against your touch.

“What’s wrong?” You cooed sweetly. “Gonna finish?”

He nodded with his eyes squeezed shut tightly.

“That’s okay,” you said with a smile. “You can cum if you want to.”

“I don’t… ah…”

And with a scrunched nose, he found his release, making a mess all over his stomach between you.

“Fuck,” Felix said. “I didn’t want to finish yet. Sorry.” His eyes were teary and spaced out as he caught his breath.

You circled the strings of liquid with your index finger, dipping into his navel to gather some on the tips of your fingers.

“That’s okay,” you said calmly, bending down to kiss him again. “I didn’t say I was done using you.”

Felix swallowed nervously, trying his best to hold back the inevitable tears.

“You okay to give me one more?” You said, sliding your hand down between your legs to play with yourself. You circled your clit with his cum, gasping in pleasure at the warm sensation.

Tears fell from his face as he nodded and waited for your instruction.

“Good,” you said, kissing away his tears as you continued to touch yourself. “Tell me if you want to stop, okay?”

Felix nodded nervously, watching intently as you finally removed your panties and spread further to take all of him. With gentle movements, you wrapped your arms around his neck, positioning over him and sliding down ever so slowly. His hands gripped your waist as he helped fill you up.

It was a sensation Felix hadn’t been prepared for. He winced at the overstimulation, trying his best to remain semi-hard so you’d have a chance to finish. But the feeling of you gently bouncing on his cock made him cry even more, desperate to help you find your release and to hear you shower him with praise.

“Doing so good,” you told him between breathless movements. “Kiss me.”

He obeyed, planting sloppy tear-stained kisses on your mouth as you used him for your own pleasure. He pulled away again, mouth finding its way to your breasts, where he kissed and sucked your nipples with fondness.

And between his fervent kisses in the valley of your breasts, you found your own release, clutching his shoulders as you trembled and dribbled cum all over his length.

You slid off of him with ease and back onto the bed, where you both took a minute to catch your breath. Felix was unsure of what to say, and you could hardly form a sentence.

Instead you got dressed again and sat up to go to the bathroom. “Gonna get cleaned up,” you said simply.

As you stood, Felix gripped your wrist, pulling you toward him again. “Don’t leave,” he said in a frightened tone.

“I just need tissues,” you explained.

“Don’t leave,” he said again, tears trickling down his face.

“Felix, I’m just-”

“I’m in love with you,” Felix blurted out.

Your heart raced and you took a deep breath. You stood between his legs observing the way he now let out dramatic sobs as he began to speak.

“I’m so fucking in love with you and I can’t help it. I’ve always loved you. Ever since we were kids. You can hold me and comfort me until I stop crying but it’s not gonna change the fact that I’m crying because I love you.”

You reached a hand up, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. He continued talking as he cried, the stream of consciousness giving him the confidence he’d always yearned to utilize.

“I tried. I tried for so long with other girls, with other people. It was never the same. I thought there was something wrong with me because I’d cry so much whenever I was with you. And it never happened with anyone else. It took me years and some stupid hookups before I realized it was because I was always in love with you.

That’s why I came back. You make me feel so damn safe all the time. I can’t taste Oreo mcflurries or raspberry chapstick without thinking of you first. I would’ve still been in love with you if you kept ignoring me. I’m still in love with you even though you have him. And I don’t know what we’re doing, but I do know that I’m in love with you. Back then, and now, and in five years time.”

He hung his head in shame, crying like a guilty child, and you towered over him in silence. He’d never felt so vulnerable before, crying in front of the girl he loved in complete nudity.

Part of you knew this was coming- there was no denying Felix hadn’t been the most inconspicuous about his romantic feelings toward you since returning. But you couldn’t find the words to say to him, knowing anything you could say right now was only going to hurt him. You and Mark weren’t technically broken up yet, and your heart largely remained there still. You and Felix also led two completely different lives- yours, a monotonous adult routine, and his, riddled with fame and splendor. It was never going to work the way he wanted it to. This was all a fleeting thing like it had been back then- this wasn’t reality.

“Please say something,” Felix pleaded.

“I’m sorry,” you said quietly. “We shouldn’t have done this.”

He looked up at you through tears, hardly making out the expression on your face as the room blurred around him. And with a simple nod, he understood. You were not in love with Felix.

With a gentle release of your wrists, he allowed you to get cleaned up, crying in front of the bathroom mirror as you rid yourself of his traces. When you returned, Felix was back in his own bed, lying on his side away from you.

Not so much as a sniffle was heard as you turned out the light again, falling asleep to his words replaying in your head like a broken record.

“Did he ever make you cum? Did he ever make you cry?”

You were up early that morning, quick to shower last night’s mistake off your aching body. Felix stayed in bed facing the window, forcing himself to keep his eyes shut though he wasn’t asleep. His eyes could hardly pry themselves open anyway, now swollen and red from all the crying he’d done.

When you finished getting dressed, you sat on the edge of your bed, staring out at the view in the daytime. The city was completely different at this time of day. People looked like little ants from this high up, and you followed their paths as they navigated the world below. Into stores, apartment buildings, even meeting for coffee. It was so human- so unpredictable where the next little ant would find themselves. So uncertain.

You heard Felix shuffle about in bed, and you decided to go check on him for the first time, holding your breath as you made your way to his side.

“Felix,” you said timidly. “You should eat something.”

He kept his eyes shut, furrowing his brows into a frown as he felt your hand run through his hair.

“Not hungry,” he said in a raspy voice.

“Come on,” you replied. “Checkout’s at 11. We’ve only got two hours to enjoy this view before we have to leave.”

Felix fluttered one eye open, looking at you for the first time since last night. His heart pained him all over again. Your hair was still damp from your shower, face free of makeup and the lingering scent of peaches on your skin.

He exhaled through his nose, eyes wandering past you and zoning out.

And then with some hesitation, you crawled into the unmade bed beside him, slipping under the covers and wrapping an arm around him the way you always used to. You held him like that for a minute, rubbing his arm soothingly and playing with the back of his hair.

Felix couldn’t feel excited about any of it, too heartbroken to feel anything but sorrow in your arms now. Tears brimmed his eyes again as you lulled him into another wave of sleepiness.

“Do you love him?” Felix broke the silence suddenly. You swallowed, finally choosing to be honest with him. It was the least you could do while he grieved.

“Yeah. I do.”

“Does he… satisfy you?” Felix asked. You were taken aback at the question, and Felix was shocked that he brought it up. But he needed closure right now. He needed answers to the questions he’d been overthinking all week.

“Mhm.”

He thought for a second. “Does he ever make you cry?”

It was your turn to think for a minute. “Sometimes. When we fight, I guess. It’s not often, though.”

Felix shut his eyes again, wanting to ask more questions, but feeling too tired and anguished. You continued massaging his arm, feeling his tension loosen in your touch.

“Go back to sleep,” you said finally. “I’ll wake you when it’s time to check out.”

And he did, dozing off properly in your tender embrace.

When you parted ways that day, Felix knew very well he might never see you again.

He’d messed things up by confessing how he felt, only to be met with what he’d feared all along- you were indeed in love with Mark. There was never a chance that the two of you would work out. Still, the truth pained him. The dull ache in his chest was made worse by the way you cared for him, giving his hand a little squeeze in the car and rubbing his back when he pulled you in for one last hug. He knew you were just trying to make him feel better. But deep down he was angry- at himself for not staying, at Mark for being able to call you his, even at you for being intimate with him last night. He didn’t regret it, but he did wish it ended the way he’d hoped it to.

On the drive home, Felix had the realization that things were now different. His feelings were out there in the open, and you were free to do whatever you wanted with them. Regardless of how you felt, it meant things between you were going to change.

He was no longer welcome to sneak into your room late at night- even as friends. He couldn’t bake you little surprises or text you at random times throughout the day. And the idea of ever kissing you again was just a distant daydream, so far out of reach it seemed like something that had never occurred in the first place.

He wondered how you felt about the situation. And he wondered if you knew how terribly he regretted it. In an alternate universe, Felix had just let you go get cleaned up and cuddled you to sleep, pushing away the idea that you had cheated on your partner. It would have been a fleeting thing like it had always been. Like it was always supposed to be. A lingering thought made Felix consider calling you up to ask why you’d cheated on Mark if you loved him, but that would involve talking to you.

What he didn’t know, of course, is that you weren’t in love with Mark anymore.

“I hope we’re still friends, yeah I hope you don’t mind”

Standing in the living room you two shared, Mark wrapped up the last of his boxes with tape and looked over at you. The room had never felt this empty without his video game consoles or his sneakers lying around carelessly.

“If I forget anything I’ll come by to pick it up later this week,” he said. “But that’s the most of it.”

You wiped a few stray tears. “Where are you going again?”

“I told you,” Mark said, sitting on the couch next to you and resting a hand on your thigh. “Couple friends have a room for rent just an hour from here. It’s safe. I don’t want you to worry.”

He reached up to wipe a tear with his thumb lovingly. You missed these moments- sitting on the couch together like this, only now they were tainted with heartbreak and mourning what once was.

“Is she going to be there?” You asked after a moment.

Mark looked down, and then back up at your face. “Do you remember when I had blue hair?” He asked suddenly.

“What?”

“The blue hair. Arctic fresh, like you used to call it.”

You chuckled a little. That term had slipped your mind after graduation.

“Yeah. I remember.”

“And you used to sit in the library all day.”

“Until you started stalking me.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t love it!” Mark retorted. The two of you laughed for a bit, and you almost forgot you were sad in the first place.

“I didn’t know when you were gonna be there,” Mark continued. “I had no clue how to approach you. Hell, I didn't even know what kind of person you were gonna be.”

You listened to him as gestured with his hands.

“That uncertainty- there was something so fun about it.”

There was that word again- one that had been on your mind lately. A lot of things felt uncertain as of right now.

“Remember when we didn’t have a mattress?”

You shook your head. “God. Don’t remind me.” Mark laughed in response.

“We used jackets as blankets! It was fun though, wasn’t it? We thought we’d never finish furnishing the place. I kinda loved not knowing what it was going to look like yet.”

You pondered his words carefully. There was a lot of truth in them- the months you spent sleeping on the floor and eating microwave pizzas together for dinner were some of your most memorable times. You only got through it because you had hope that the future would make up for those nights.

“You seemed happier too,” Mark said. “And I want you to be that happy all the time. I don’t want you to be scared of the future.”

You began to cry again, trembling as Mark pulled you in for a hug.

“I don’t know how to do this without you,” you said. “This… routine. Being an adult.”

“You’ve always known how,” Mark said. “You just have to go live it. Don’t let yourself get stuck at a computer all day. Don’t let the only time you leave the house be to get coffee creamer at night.”

You smiled at him sheepishly.

“I’m learning too,” Mark said. “I kinda want to get out of this city. Get a new job.”

You nodded.

“And I want you to do some badass things,” he said, poking your knee and making you smile. “I want to hear all about them. But you gotta do them first!”

With a gentle sigh, you nodded again.

Mark twiddled his fingers for a moment.

“It’s him, isn’t it?”

“What?” You said, head snapping up to look at him.

“Dude from the band.”

Your heart sped up, unsure of what to say.

“I tried your parents’ house a few days ago. Two of you were headed out somewhere. Can’t believe I even recognized him, but I pieced it together.”

“Why… I mean-”

“Doesn’t matter,” he said with a reassuring shake of his head. “I want you to be happy. I wasn’t the most honest with you, either.”

After a pause, you took Mark’s hand in yours. “I’m sorry,” you said. “And I love you. And I’ll never stop loving you. Whether we’re together or not.”

He nodded at your words. “I know. And I’m sorry. I’m never out of reach- you know where to find me.”

Mark pulled you in for one last hug, crying softly into your shoulder. “Go find that happiness again,” he said. “I’ll always be here.”

After helping move his boxes to the car and exchanging your final goodbyes, you returned to the apartment, clutching the keys in hand like you did the very first time you got them.

The apartment felt quiet, yet strangely comfortable. You’d never seen so many sunbeams shine through the windows like this before- illuminating the empty corners with a hopeful glow. Despite the vacant areas, the apartment felt eerily beautiful like this. You caressed the drywall with a tender hand, thinking briefly about the potential this place always had. There were so many new spots for paintings and photos. So many opportunities to decorate again. So much to look forward to.

“Swear we were only being honest”

Mark’s departure made a lot of things clear for you. You thought about what he said for days after adjusting to the empty apartment- about chasing happiness and learning to embrace the uncertainty you were always so afraid of.

He was right. You had become a shell of the woman you once were, only existing to do work and repeat the routine that tricked you into believing it was the epitome of life itself. But it never had been- it was you who made it that way.

Looking out your window at the empty street late at night, the only noise you could hear was the dull buzz of cicadas that stalked the tall grass.

You returned to your parents’ house for one last night to collect your things and say your goodbyes to your parents. Everything looked the same as it always did on nights like this- cars parked neatly in their spots, houses with their lights off, and neatly trimmed bushes swaying gently in the summer breeze. Your hands trembled as you climbed out the window, dressed for the weather in a light sweater and a pair of shorts.

As you jogged out to the street, you paused to look up at the vast sky above you. The sky had never seen you this late at night like this, out in the middle of the street with such purpose. You were normally curled up with a book at this late hour. Yet you greeted it with excitement and curiosity, laughing up at the constellations as you planted two feet in the concrete below you.

After admiring the scenery at this time, you were on your way again, racing like a child down the block. You passed the houses you had always known, appreciating the way they were a steady part of your life for this long. You turned the corner with such vigor, you thought you might fall if you didn’t slow down. But you didn’t- you ran and ran, and you didn’t stop.

Felix’s house was a mere three blocks from yours, yet you’d never visited in the middle of the night like this. It has always been him to initiate it. He was the risk-taker, the troublemaker, a fact you forced yourself to challenge after your conversation with Mark.

When you arrived, you looked up at his house, unsure of what to do for a moment. You weren’t entirely sure which room was his anymore.

So you pulled out your phone, dialing him before you could stop to overthink it. Felix answered on the second ring.

“Hi,” you breathed.

He paused for a moment.

“Are you… okay?”

“I’m fine,” you replied. “Could you open the window?”

“What?”

“The window. I can’t remember which one is yours- God your grass is tall. There aren't any spiders here, right?”

Before you could finish, the curtains drew back in front of the window closest to you, and Felix stood there with his cellphone pressed to his ear. He observed the way you scratched at an itch on your ankle, finally looking up to meet his gaze and giving him a little wave.

“Aren’t you cold?” He asked, dropping his phone down at his side as you walked over.

“Not a bit. It’s actually kinda nice out.”

He helped you climb in, and you looked around the room with wonder in your eyes.

“Wow. I haven’t been here since we were kids.”

The walls were lined with old photos of him, neatly arrayed in white picture frames. There was a large desk opposite his bed with old taekwondo medals hanging directly above. And his bed was neatly made, except for one corner from which Felix had untucked himself from.

“What are you doing here?” Felix asked with hesitation. His voice was tinged with sadness still.

You set a paper bag down on the desk, turning to face him. “Little something from me.”

Felix looked at the bag and then at you again. You eyed him for a moment, noticing his unkempt hair and the subtle bags under his eyes. His blonde locks were pushed out of his face, framing his expression of sorrow. He wore a plain black t-shirt and sweatpants, much simpler than you’d seen him dressed on other days, yet he somehow still looked so sophisticated.

With reluctance in his step, he unfolded the bag, reaching inside to pull out a small Oreo McFlurry and a carton of fries. He examined the cup, setting it down again and avoiding eye contact.

“I told you I don’t get these anymore.”

“No,” you said. “You said you couldn’t get them because they brought back memories.”

He shrugged. “Yeah. What’s the difference?”

“The difference is that I’m here now. And you don’t have to stop doing all your favorite things because they bring back memories.”

“You don’t get it,” he said, sighing again. “Please don’t make me say it again.”

You hid your hands in the sleeves of your sweater, eyes trembling with fear as you began to speak. Breaking down your walls around other people was always a difficult feat for you.

“You don’t have to say anything,” you told him. “Just please listen to me and then I’ll get out of here.”

Felix sat on the edge of the bed with his hands on his knees.

“Felix- you and I live completely different lives. You left before my life even started. Most of what I know about you I had to learn through google searches. You wake up in different countries 6 out of 7 days in the week. You know what you want, and every single day is different for you.”

“You googled me?” Felix said. You ignored his question as you continued to speak.

“You have to understand that this never would have worked out between us.”

He hung his head and wiped a few stray tears with the back of his hand. “I kind of figured it wasn’t going to work out. You didn’t have to come here to tell me again.”

“I came here,” you interrupted him. “Because I’m in love with you.”

His head snapped up this time, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion as you continued to speak through tears.

“And it scares the hell out of me. We’re two different people in two completely different worlds, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s always been you. And it’s always going to be you. There’s no one else I’d rather get McDonald’s with at 3 in the morning. Or stain fancy tablecloths with. I love it when you do that thing where you check your pulse when you get nervous. Or when you bake me little desserts, even though I never ask you to. And I love wiping your tears after we get intimate, because I hate seeing you sad and I’d spend a lifetime wiping your tears if it meant I could be by your side.”

The room fell quiet as you finished. Felix looked up with an expression of sorrow and shock. His eyes welled with tears as he sniffled and gave you one short nod.

“How about Mark?”

You smiled and shrugged. “Sometimes love has other plans.”

And Felix smiled for the first time tonight, stretching out both arms toward you, which you wasted no time running into. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into his lap and holding you for a moment as you both laughed through sniffles.

As he pulled away to look into your eyes, his thumbs wiped your tears away delicately, caressing your face in a gentle embrace.

“I don’t want to lose you again,” he said suddenly. His expression shifted to that of concern.

“You have me right now,” you said calmly. “And we’ll figure out the rest. I don’t want to get too caught up in worrying about the future.”

He smiled again, moving a strand of hair out of your face as he leaned in to kiss you. His lips tasted like raspberry, moving gently along yours as you smiled against him.

“What happens now?”

You thought about it for a moment. It was a good question- you hadn’t thought about where the night was going to take you after this conversation.

“Let’s go out.”

“Now? It’s almost 2 in the morning.”

“Now. Let’s go anywhere. I just want to be with you.”

Felix ran a hand through your hair as he chuckled.

“You’re full of surprises tonight.”

You climbed off of him as he walked to the closet and picked out a pair of pants. And you sat watching him eagerly, afraid you might lose him if you looked away for even a second.

When he turned around again to button his pants, he locked eyes with your tender gaze and smiled. The moonlight glistened through the window onto your skin, little blue patches painting your frame delicately like an oil painting. Your eyes sparkled with longing for him, and he smiled at the way you blinked up at him with such endearment.

“I love you,” you said suddenly.

“I love you,” he replied, leaning down to kiss you. “I love you. I love you. I really love you.”

When he finished getting dressed, he took your hand in his, helping you out the window and into the cool summer air. The cicadas and birds were quiet, and the only sounds you could hear came from the trees rustling in the nighttime breeze. Felix towered over you in the dim glow of the streetlights, never once looking away from the twinkle in your eyes as you spoke. And you continued, with no destination in mind, down the streets you had explored so many times as kids together. The same picket fences and concrete roads seemed so much more charming this way- hands interlocked as you stopped every now and then to exchange kisses and share spoonfuls of the now melted Oreo McFlurry. At last, you were home again- all was safe.

“All by yourself, sitting alone”

The loud chime of the overhead speaker caught your attention as you meticulously worked to buckle your seatbelt. All around you, people took their seats too, children squirming with excitement and couples assisting each other with the overhead bins in the aisles. You sat alone, taking in the atmosphere as you prepared for hours of being sat here.

Thoughts of doubt rushed to your mind as you examined a Korean pamphlet in front of you- was this the right decision? Were you going to be happy? Would you even find work there?

Your throat went dry thinking about the endless possibilities. And then you remembered Mark’s kind words echoing through you- “go chase that happiness”.

You were never going to know if you didn’t get out there first. Maybe this was where you were always meant to be.

In between conversations with yourself, your phone buzzed with a new text. You checked it frantically, smiling at the message.

Felix: 🐣

Your heartbeat slowed again, and you took a deep breath as you pushed your negative thoughts aside. You were finally chasing your happiness- Felix was your happiness. And maybe traveling 5,000 miles for the guy you loved seemed crazy, but it felt right. As long as you were by his side, you would face the future together.

You shot him back a little sunshine emoji before putting your phone away again. And you shut your eyes, grateful for the gentle reminder of why you were doing this. You weren’t certain about much, but you were certain about Lee Felix. And maybe that was enough.

#stray kids x you #stray kids hard thoughts #stray kids hard hours #stray kids felix #skz felix #lee felix #skz scenarios #skz smut #skz #stray kids #stray kids fluff #headcanon #fanfic #felix yongbok

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peach-and-bugs · 11 months

Note

Hi, I hope you are well, I fell in love with Nat's one-shot, so I was encouraged to ask for a request, well there are two that come to my head with different characters.

"Wow, you really never got out of your angsty teenage stage, did you?" with Teen Shauna (sorry it's just that you see those eyes and they bring back a lot of melancholy).

"Please tell me you didn't hold on to that all these years" with Lottie (1996) and Lottie (2021). I think with this one you can play with flashbacks of seeing what happened in the desert and their relationship in that timeline in 1996 as a reunion in 2021 somewhat angsty.

Sorry the request is so long, although I would like to add that I can imagine both requests with f reader, anyway thank you very much for everything, take your time and take care of yourself. ❤️

💚Flower stems for heartstrings - Lottie Matthews (1996 & 2021) x fem!Reader💚

Fanfiction master list

disclaimer: don't repost my work. I only post on Tumblr and on Ao3. anything else is stolen and should be removed immediately

Summary: y/n finds evidence of her teenage best friend (and secret crush) being alive after all, and a possible way of finding her thanks to modern internet and goes on a personal quest to find her and the truth, all while reminiscing about their teen years...

Warnings: Internalized homophobia, fem reader that dresses both "masc" and "fem", underage drinking and smoking weed, extremely angst but with a good ending

Word Count: 8,758

A/N: woohoo! We've surpassed word count on my longest oneshot with this fic, the record previously being 6,990. And ngl, this might be one of my favorites to date! Lottie is an extra special gal who deserves an extra long one-shot, so of course I'm going to give her extra attention. What can I say, I'm not immune to favoritism. This one was actually so fun! I loved getting to write about excited, young (and medicated, let's be fr) Lottie bc I think we forget just how much the wilderness took a toll on her. She was so lively before, it makes me so sad. But, I hope I was able to give her a little bit of that liveliness back in this fic! I think in the request "desert" was supposed to be wilderness, but I wanted to have the reader be left behind, which adds a whole different kind of angst to the situation. As always, feel free to leave questions or comments in my comments or ask box, and happy reading!💚

Lottie Matthews Tag List:

General Tag List: @summergeezburr

-💚-

You’d only ever felt the way you did now only twice before in your life. Once when word got around that flight 2525 had mysteriously gone down in flames with no trace, and once again when you learned she’s been shipped off to god knows where for some kind of treatment. You hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye to her then and she was gone.

It was a sickly green feeling that had you kneeling over with weak knees and a stone throat. Lottie Matthews, the girl you’d had your heart set on for all of these years, wasn’t gone. She wasn’t locked away or dead like gossip has always said. She was alive and well and looked like she was thriving. And how did you find this out? Through Instagram, of course. That might have been the worst part of all of this.

One minute you’re mindlessly scrolling through your feed when an ad for a farmers market in some part of upstate New York, rather than New Jersey where you resided. But the ad featured a booth selling honey, and low and behold, there she was. Well, the photo didn’t give a clear picture of her face, but you refused to deny that it was her, despite how it made you sick. How could you forget that smile of hers after all?

You had to put your phone away after that, but it didn’t help you sleep. A few hours into staring up at the ceiling, restless with gnawing curiosity, you decided sleep wouldn’t come till you found an answer. Rather spontaneously you packed a bag and got into your car. Was this the smartest thing to do? Hell no, but you had the weekend off for work anyways, and nothing stopped you from going, so you drove through the nightstand into the morning and drove by coffee, a podcast, and the straining urge that you needed to know what was going on.

-💚-

At some point in the night, you found your mind wandering as your eyes trained on the empty highway before you, highlighted by your headlights. You reminisce a time long before, even more than 25 years ago. Back when you had been a freshman in high school during your lunch period. You moved to Wiskayok, New Jersey late in the year, giving you an even later start to your first year of high school. You’d relatively been left alone and had decided you'd be alright with that. Not everyone can have friends right? So, alone you sat outside on the school's field, picking at the grass underfoot having already finished your lunch.

Some students around you sat on the track or the stadium's bleachers with their friends, enjoying company and comradery or whatever and you didn’t like to admit how it made you jealous. But what was there for you to do to change it? You refused to look desperate and walk up to random groups of people who would probably talk about how lame you are behind your back-

“Hey, you alright?” the sudden voice in your direction yanked you out of your self-deprecating thoughts. Looking up you had to squint your eyes to try and make out who was talking to you as the sun shone in your eyes till they tilted their head, blocking it. After some adjustment from the sunspots in your eyes, you were greeted with a shy yet warm smile.

“Um, yeah, I’m fine,” you uttered awkwardly, swallowing the frog in your throat that had your voice croaking. The girl chuckled and tottered down to the ground to sit beside you in the grass. She dressed well, was one of the first things you noticed. Her pink skirt and tall white socks were very countering to your grass-stained jeans, scuffed hightops, and t-shirt.

“You sure, because you’re all by yourself,” she said rather matter of factly.

“Well, maybe I like being alone. Think of that,” she arched her brow curiously. “And as far as I know you’re alone too,” she chuckled again with a little huff.

“Tuche,” was all she replied, but she had a stupidly shiny grin on her face. Next, she reached out her hand to shake. “I’m Charlotte, by the way. But most people call me Lottie,” you hesitated for a standing moment, only staring at her hand as you kept yours loosely wrapped around your knees till you gave in, shaking her hand in greeting.

“I’m y/n,”

“Well y/n, tell me about yourself,” she spent the rest of that lunch period at your side, asking questions about you in exchange for the little tidbits you were willing to give her. It was so strange, looking back now, how a because girl decided you looked lonely you'd be driving to upstate New York on a random Thursday night due to your desperation to find her again.

Lottie had always been charismatic. She liked people. She looked at them like puzzles made special for her to figure out. Maybe that was her way of avoiding herself, or maybe she just had a natural curiosity for those she didn’t understand. But from that day on, she hadn’t left you alone. She’d excitedly greet you in the halls, and invite you out with her friends and to late-night parties. She was the one who integrated you into the community and helped you find a place.

But she also became your best friend. However, you struggled to feel like you were hers sometimes. She was so bright and colorful, full of life and boy was she popular. She always had someone with her, unless she found the time for you exclusively, which dwindled more and more as high school progressed. Of course, this is a concern you could talk to her about but you didn’t want to bother. In truth, you feared your feelings were driven by selfishness. You thought you'd never voice it, but oh, how you undoubtedly adored Lottie Matthews.

You felt her encase you when she was close and her laugh was enough to have you swooning. You thrived in her presence and basked in the littlest bit of attention she may offer you. Her touch was electrifying and when she grabbed your hand when she greeted you you felt what had to be magic. But of course, you could never tell. Sure, you knew you were gay and you were so fortunate that you’re mother said it was ok, but you’d never tell, ever. Even if the ache felt like it was squeezing you, you couldn’t lose Lottie. You didn’t want to scare her away and be a freak.

Part of you wonders if that’s why you'd lost Lottie after all. You hadn’t been honest with her. No, that wasn’t rational. A secret didn’t take down an airplane.

-💚-

You didn’t arrive till mid-afternoon, late morning, the sun high above as you made your way towards this market. They had their location posted online, so with a quick search and an input to your mapping app you were all set to go. Moments like that reminded you of how on your road trips with your mother growing up she'd have you read the map in the passenger's seat beside her, your finger tailing over the highways towards the little star sticker added on to be your final destination. Strange how so little time felt like it had passed since then yet a whole life as well.

Venders had been set up for some time now and enjoying the comfortable air as they mingled and shopped. You hooked a tote bag over your shoulder to look less conspicuous (although there inherently isn’t anything conspicuous about a middle-aged queer woman at a farmers market, still. You felt a need to keep a low profile). You wandered for some time, looking for a stall that said something like sunset honey, or maybe it was sunnyside. Something involving both the sun and honey, and it looked like the people working wore a lot of purples.

Honestly, it was a very nice market in itself. Had you had ulterior motives for attending you would have quite enjoyed it. That is still you grew distracted by a florist’s stand. The owner had lovely premade bouquets that ranged in a variety of colors and sizes, but what caught your eye where the assortment of white and pastel metal buckets housing small assortments of different flowers, meant to be starters for gardening. In particular stood out the small purple flowers known for growing naturally back home, in Wiskayok. You tentatively reached out to stroke the petals.

You hadn’t formally been invited to the party, but it was one of those words get around kind of things, she no one was actually invited, right? At least, that's what you'd told yourself as you got ready in your room, obsessively messing with your hair in the mirror. It was one of those beer-guzzling bonfire things that the seniors hosted on the outskirts of the woods now and then. This time, however, the justification was the girl's soccer team going to nationals, and after the whole pep rally earlier in the day, it did sound justified.

You pulled back from the mirror to look back down at your clothes. You'd layered a black plaid dress with thin straps over a white sweater that’s sleeves cut off just below your elbow with tights and docs. You tugged at your coller, attempting not to grimace. Sure, you liked dressing feminine now and then, but when it came to events like this you couldn’t help the anxiety, especially with drunk boys. But still, you wanted to look nice, even if the drinks being served were from a beer keg. It just felt like one of those nights, you figured. You sighed and forced yourself to leave as there was a car horn honking outside, grabbing your backpack along the way as you went. It’d be good to have a quick getaway available to you if need be.

“Have fun, hun! Make good choices for me, ok?” your mom called to you from the couch, watching one of her late-night shows while sipping tea and crocheting something as you went downstairs. You smiled, walked up beside her at the end of the couch, and kissed her forehead.

“I will, mama, I promise,” you forced a tiny smile. She hummed her thanks and smiled, opening her eyes to take a look at you.

“Show me this little number you assembled for me,” she said, taking off her eyeglasses and gesturing up and down with her crochet hook as she readjusted in her seat to get a better view. You stretched out an arm, the other firmly holding your backpack to your shoulder, and did a turn around for her. She smiled wide and gave you playful applause.

“Cute! And do you like it? Everything fits well?”

“Yes, Mom, I promise,” you sighed, trying to refrain from rolling your eyes. It was a new dress you hadn’t worn yet and you knew she was only doing the classic mom routine but you had to go!

“Alright, you go have fun. And tell your friend Charlotte good luck at nationals!” she called after you as you shut the door front door and locked it. You turned, illuminated by your porchlight, and waved to your ride. Van had the passenger window of Taisa’s car down and she waved back with a confident grin on her face. You could hear Depeche Mode playing on the radio as you approached the car. You opened the door and slid inside with a quick smile.

“Thanks for the ride, Taissa,” you said, trying not to sound as shy as you felt. She smiled in the rearview mirror, checking her surroundings as she turned down the radio.

“Yeah, no problem girl,” she said with effortless confidence. You didn’t know Taissa or Van, or much of the school's soccer team all that well, but in your mutual connection to Lottie over the past four years you’d tagged along with them quite often and they’d always been nice to you.

“We couldn’t say no after Lottie was so adamant we were nice,” Van joked quite loudly to Taissa, giving you an up and down with that grin again. You stared for a second, unsure of what she was trying to imply till Taissa smacked the goalie in the arm with the back of her hand, hissing her name to make her shut up as she started driving. The redhead let out an undignified yelp.

“She’s being an asshole. And confusing. Lottie wanted you to come and she knew we’d be the best people to pick you up is all,” you still had a confused look on your face, your shoulders hunched inward.

“Um ok, thanks?” you said it more like a question.

“What she means, is that we like you. And we’ll tell you we like you,” Van chimed in again. She wasn’t as helpful to you as she thought she was.

“Right, ok. Is there something else going on that I’m not cluing in on?” Tai and Van shared a knowing look.

“Ok, so the other day Lot kept going on about how she worries that you don’t feel like we’re all friends, and doesn’t want you to feel like you’re just her other friend that tags along, ya know? So we figured we pick you up and tell you that, because some of the other girls on the team aren't the best at communicating, ya know?”

“Oh. So we're friends?” you sounded far more surprised and eager than you would have wanted to. “And Lottie told you all that? About me, I mean?” Van grinned once more, fully turning around in her seat.

“Yeah, dude! I think you’re really cool actually!” you began to smile more than before and leaned back, straightening up your posture.

“And, yes, Lot had all that to say and more,” Tai added on. You were thankful for the dark car hiding any color that might have rushed to your face.

“She talks about you all the time,” Van blabbed on. Tai gave her a look that told the goalie to keep quiet now. Just as she did you pulled up to another house in the neighborhood that has Lottie sitting on the front porch. She shot up when she saw the car but took a last-minute look at the front door like she was waiting for something. Van maneuvered in her seat to hang out the window. “Hurry up slowpoke or we’ll be late to our party,” Lottie all but yelped and ran to the car after that, toward your side of the car.

You didn’t have enough time to move out of the way and before you knew it Lottie had flung the door open with an exhilarated grin, laughing as she climbed in over your lap to collapse in the seat beside you in the back. She’d picked to wear all pink, which was just so fitting for her. You noticed in particular that she was wearing one of her shorter skirts that she giggled to you about hiding from her mother.

“Shut the door and go!” she said through giggles, and once you had the time to process what was happening you did just that, closing the now-opened door to your right, and Taissa was off. Lottie lunged forward in her seat and punched Van in the shoulder, laughing all the while. “God, fuck you! I could have been caught because of that,” she griped as Van dramatically clutched her arm.

“Ugh, what’s with beating on the goalie tonight? I gotta stay fit for nationals and I’ll be covered in bruises at this rate,”

“Whatever. You’re always covered in bruises, and not all of them are from soccer,” Lottie implied, her hands gripping Taissa’s headrest in front of her so she could lean forward and talk to the two girls up front. That is till she scooted back to give you her full attention.

“Well, you’re liking fine as hell tonight hot stuff! Have you been hiding this little number?” Lottie asked, reaching out to touch the material of the dress you were wearing along your leg. You managed to force a laugh and playfully swatter her hand away with shifty eye contact.

“It’s new. My mom got it for me during our last mall trip. She wanted me to expand my wardrobe or whatever,” you played off causally. Lottie gave you a knowing smile and sighed as she turned to look out the window.

“I think it looks great, just like you always do,” she murmured rather quietly. You weren't even sure you were supposed to hear her. Not long after Tai parked and you all got out of the car. Van yelled something at the crowd that had already gotten things started and there was a low collection of howling and yelling in response to her. Lottie got out of the car before you but stopped and waited by your door for you to get out with her. She said nothing but had that perky smile on the whole time as she watched you expectantly.

“So, whatcha wanna do?” you asked. She shrugged.

“I dunno. Maybe get reeeeeally drunk,” she toyed, reaching out to take your hand like it had become second nature. Tai walked up to the two of you from the driver seat of the car, double-checking as she locked it shut and shoved her keys in her jacket pocket. She made a purposefully obvious glance down at your entwined fingers then back up to Lottie.

“Careful Lot, people might talk,” she said with what Lottie took as a comfortable coolness but it sent a shiver down your back that caused you to think about pulling away.

“Pfft! I don't give a flying fuck! Let them talk!” she announced quite loudly, leaning forward with her free hand on her hip. She turned her gaze back to you and wiggled her brows as she grinned. “Come on. Get a drink with me,” she urged, tugging you away from Taissa.

“Don’t listen to her. No one is looking, and if they are they don’t care. What’s wrong with holding hands anyway?” Lottie babbled on as she pulled you in line for a beer with her. She was still holding onto your hand quite tight as she jumped into rambling about something related to her French class. Maybe a recent test? You weren't exactly sure. Despite everything she’d said before, it felt like everyone was looking, but not because of you. Because of Lottie. She was the pretty, popular girl while you were just the weirdo she hung around. With that idea in your head, it was pretty hard to not be self-continuous. You were so in your head that you didn’t notice her shoving a beer in your hand.

“Wha- oh, thanks,” you stuttered. You'd let go of her hand to get your drink, opting to use both hands to hold it. Lottie frowned as she was handed her drink ans thanked the guy passing them out.

“Hey, you alright? Lost you for a sec,” she murmured. She’d become so gentle all of a sudden. Were you really that fragile? She forced a smile and nodded.

“Yeah, I'm great. Just haven't gotten into the party mood yet, I guess,”

“Oh, ok. Do you wanna step away, clear your head a bit?” you shook your head no.

“Nah, I'm good. I’m just gonna grab something from my bag in Tai’s car, ok?” Lottie tilted her head, almost like she was trying to look at you from a new angle.

“I can go with you,” she offered. God, why did she have to be so attentive and sweet?

“I promise I’ll be fine-” you started only for a distraction to catch your eye. “Hey, Shauna and Jackie are over that way. I’ll meet up with you when I’m done,” you offered, dialing up that chipper tone as high as you could. She finally gave in and nodded, making her way over to her other friends while you crept away to dash toward Tai, wherever she was. You eventually found her after dodging around cars and trees listening to Van argue with a group of boys about something sports-related probably. That honestly wasn’t a huge concern of hers at the moment.

“Hey, Taissa. can I borrow your keys?” Taissa arched a brow.

“You’re not trying to use my car to go joyriding or to fuck, right?”

“What? Oh my god- no. I just wanna get something from my bag. It’s in the car,”

“Where's Lot?” why is that relevant right now?

“She’s with Jackie and Shauna,” you began messing with the loose hair falling in your face, averting your eyes from her. Tai gave you an up and down before tugging at Van’s jacket.

“Van, go with y/n to my car, ok?”

“I was just in the middle-” Van started till Tai arched a brow and she gave in. Tai dropped her keys in the redhead's hand and you were off to the car again.

“Do you already wanna leave?” Van asked, walking backward in front of you.

“No, I just want something from my bag,” Van slowed to walk in stride with her hands in her pockets, watching you as you watched everyone who passed.

“Care to share?” you just looked at her and finally managed a laugh.

“I’ll share when we get there,” upon reaching the car and unlocking it, you grabbed your bag and made your way to a more secluded edge over the party where you’d be left alone, Van trailing close behind till you set your solo cup on the ground, sat down saddle style on an old, knocked-over log to rummage through your bag. You pulled out a baggy you’d been holding onto and a lighter.

“Damn, y/n, I didn’t think you the type,” the goalie said as she dropped down across from you. “Where’d ya get it?” she asked, taking the joint you pulled out to share.

“My older brother. He lives with my dad while he’s going to school and I visited him over Christmas and he gave me a few that I use quite sparingly.

“Divorced?” she asked, referring to your parents. You shrugged.

“Kinda, but not really? It’s weird. They still like each other and get along but they aren't exclusive by any means. Dad works in Cali while mom moved here to look after her mom who’s a few houses down from us,” you explained as you fidgeted with the lighter, fixated on the way the flame moved up and down, on and off. Van snatched it out of your hand during an “off” moment to light the joint now placed firmly between her teeth.

You simply watched her process, lighting the joint and then taking in a long breath before holding and letting it go with a sigh as though she was relieved before passing it to you. She did the same, watching your breath in with your eyes shut only to exhale into the dark, finishing off with a small cough before passing it once again. You could see streetlights from the main road from here, you realized.

“You’re into Lot, aren’t you?” her voice was low to not attract attention, but she was confident in what she had asked. You paused, staring out at the lights just a short walk away. Normally, an insinuation that you were gay would have you panicked. It could have been the weed, but maybe you'd relaxed and found some sliver of comfort in the redhead, your new companion.

“I think I do,” you whistled through your teeth at your admission. You turned to meet her eyes when she nudged your shoulder with the side of her hand, passing the joint off again. “Think I’m a lost cause?” Van snorted and shook her head.

“Oh, hell no. That girl’s crazy about you,” Van said with a sigh, leaning back on her hands where she was sitting on the log. “Now, I don’t know what type of way she feels. Sexual, romantic, or just friendship. But there's something there. Lot’s banked a lot on you,” you began to smile again, soft and mellow as you took another hit. After that one, you leaned down to take a chug of your beer. You offered to pass again, but Van had turned her attention back to the party, particularly to Taissa who looked like she was getting shit from Shauna. Even from over her, you could tell she was wasted given how she stumbled around. Van groaned and got up from where she was sitting.

“Keep it. I gotta deal with this,” she huffed as she left. You watched her go, eyes trailing after her to meet with Lottie’s, who was staring right at you, arm crossed over her chest and cup in hand. She seemed to hesitate between you and her arguing friends, but when the debate got particularly loud she turned with a furrowed brow. You watched her go and kept watching till Jackie derailed the entire situation, pulling all the girls away likely to yell at them. With that done, you sighed, leaning back to fully lie on the log, the joint between your lips and legs dangling over either side as you shut your eyes.

“You hiding from me over here?” you opened your eyes. The joint was nearly out as it had just been sitting between your teeth for who knows how long by now. Lottie stood over you, arms still crossed as she held onto her nearly drained drink. you shook your head, sitting up as she sat down beside you on your left, much closer than Van had been. You readjusted, sitting properly with both legs over one side of the log, shoulders hunched. Lottie's arm brushed against yours when she moves. “You didn’t come back,” she simply steed with no malice or accusation in her voice. You shrugged.

“I was getting overwhelmed I guess,” you murmured. “Didn’t feel like talking,”

“You seemed chatty with Van” Again, she simply stated fact. You sighed and leaned down to take another drink. Lottie took the joint from your hand. You watched, then reached for the lighter to give it a second wind. She held it between her forefinger and thumb for you and once it ignited once more it found home between her lips. You watched, sipping your beer. She smoked far prettier than Van had.

“Van’s a good listener guess. Doesn’t talk too much,” Lottie snorted out a laugh at that.

“I don't think anyone has ever said ‘Van Palmer doesn’t talk much’” you chuckled out a soft laugh to match hers. You looked away, out at the lights again. Lottie took another breath in, letting the joint sit between her fingers with her crossed arms. She watched the lights with you, though she might not understand the fixation you seemed to have on them. That is, till she paused, turning fully to watch you. She tilted her head again, unexpectedly brushing her fingers over your temple to guide loose hair obstructing her view out of the way and behind your ear. “Let me kiss you,” she murmured, almost as though she was pleading. You turned back to her. Her hand settled on your cheek, fingertips curiously brushing over the apple of your cheek.

“Don’t kid me,” you whispered, eyes glazing as you darted down to her parted lips.

“Never,” she shook her head ever so slightly. It made her hair sway. You swallowed hard but shakily nodded. That was enough of a yes for her to move in. She immediately dropped the joint in her hand and the hand tracing your cheek found home on the back of your neck. Her now free hand rested behind your ear, stroking your hair as you latched onto her waist, using your left hand to hold you up on the log.

She kissed like she knew exactly what she was doing. As though this had all been part of a longstanding plan. She’d envisioned this just as you had, and fuck was it perfect. Her lisp whereas urgent as your own and had it not been a public space you might have let her do anything she wanted to you right then and there. She scrunched her fist into your hair, unintentionally pulling ever so lightly on your scalp and eliciting a sudden moan from your throat which only egged her on further till she had to pull away with you chasing after her.

You opened your eyes wide, lips still parted as you gasped for breath in and out. And then, of course, you got shy, anxious voices telling you she’d regret this immediately. You began to turn from her but the hand in your hair let go and moved to trace knuckles over your cheek and subsequently turn your eyes back to her. She shook her head, murmuring no over and over, soothing you like a child about to cry. And at that thought, the thought of crying alone, you felt the tears spike in your eyes. She watched your brow crinkle as your lip trembled and she pulled you into her chest, holding you as close as she could.

The hand on your neck found your back as the hand on your cheek moved to cup the back of your head. You buried into your neck as you cried, and she rested her cheek against your scalp, murmuring over and over how it was all ok. She kissed your hair, rubbed your back, and rocked you from side to side as your hands vigorously clung to her sweater, fearing letting her go, because what if the magic would be over and gone when she was out of your hands?

But reluctantly you needed to let her go, and eventually, that point came where you emerged from her embrace, the scent of her shampoo and perfume fading from you quickly as you met her puffed, teary gaze. She moved to hold your cheeks in her hands as her breath shook. You held your hands around hers, kissing her palm with a weak smile. Fortunately, that had her let go of a watery laugh. But neither of you spoke yet. You just sat in warm silence till you readjusted to be side by side once more, your head lulled to her shoulder with her cheek at your temple.

“Fuck, what do we even do after that?” you breathed, eyes training down to the long discarded joint and red solo cups with only sips left of beer in them, though yours has spilled at some point, soaking the ground under it.

“I leave tomorrow,” she murmured back. You dressed your lips together before letting go of another sigh.

“I know… we should have waited” she chuckled sleepily.

“I don’t think so,” you hummed your why. “I’ll be excited to get back here. Well, more excited than I already was to see you,” you chuckled, though your tongue dripped with wordless sarcasm.

“Don’t forget about me,”

“Oh, how could I ever after that?” she teased with another giggle. You smiled, nuzzling your nose into her shoulder. With the change in direction, you got an idea upon seeing a small purple flower growing just beside her shoe.

“I know how,” you started, reaching across her side to pick it, leaving a nice, long stem to tuck behind her ear and in her hair. You sat back to admire your work and smiled. “Purple suits you,” you decided, tucking some of the hair behind her ear for a better look at your work. She chuckled with a sniffle, her fingers gently wrapping around your palm, catching you to kiss your fingertips.

“Mam, are you alright?” you were dragged out of your daydream like a shockwave and had to take several moments to ground yourself again, taking in a deep breath. You blinked repeatedly, shaking your head before forcing a smile.

“Yes, I’m so sorry. I was remembering something I needed,” you said with a forced chuckle. The florist smiled, though he seemed a little unsure. You turned back to the flower, petal still gently settled between your fingers. “I’ll take this, while I’m here,” you said as you cleared your throat, gently picking up the small white bucket and giving it to the florist to ring up.

“Ah, Ruellia caroliniensis. But it’s better known as Carolina Wild Petunia. A good choice. Pick it for any reason? I ask everybody that,” he asked, making meaningless small talk. Your eyes stayed focused on the waving petals of the plant as it was gently jostled around.

“It just reminded me of someone I knew, I guess,” he smiled thoughtfully and nodded with a soft hum of acknowledgment before he asked you for cash or charge. You picked charge which resulted in you digging through your purse for your card.

“Oh my god! y/n! A shrill voice called when you weren’t looking and just as you pulled out your debit card. You gave the florist you’re card before turning to look who it might be only to have the Misty Quigley herself approaching you with the wide smile and outstretched arms that you felt you had to reciprocate. She squeezed you quite tight and when she let go her hands remained at your side for a moment as she seemed to look at you in awe.

“Well, what the heck are you doing here?” she asked tilting her head with that smile still plastered across her lips till she gasped “Oh! Are you looking for Nat too?” you furrowed your brow and frowned.

“What? No, I’m-”

“Uh, mam, you’re purchase?” the florist interrupted. You turned from Misty to grab your new belonging, which he had been so kind and bagged for you as well as outstretching your card back to you.

“Yes, thank you so much! I truly appreciate it!” you said as chipperly as you could before ushering Misty out of the man’s stall and towards a clearing. “What, what are you talking about with Natalie?”

“She got kidnapped!” the blond exclaimed, adjusting her glasses. “She was taken from the motel she was staying in back home and we’re here to find her,” she blabbered on.

“Hold on, when did Nat get out of rehab and who is we?”

“I dunno, a few weeks ago I think? So much had been going on and it's been hard to keep track and ‘we’ is me and Walter,” you were still confused about the situation and about to ask who Walter was when the man himself showed up. He’d be trailing behind Misty for some time, just casually in the background. He was so average you hadn’t even noticed him. The man waved and offered a smile. You tentatively returned the wave but still seemed confused.

“I’m not here for Natalie. I didn’t hear about that at all. No, I’m looking for Lottie,” you said rather bluntly. Misty frowned and it was now her turn to be confused.

“Lottie? But she’s been in Switzerland for years-”

“Well I thought that too will I saw this,” you whispered, hissing through your teeth as you frantically pulled out your phone and the screenshot you’d taken of the farmers market Instagram post, zooming in on Lottie and shoving the device into her hands.

“No, that can’t be her,”

“It is. I just- it’s not a great angle but I know it’s her,” you insisted. Misty began to scan the photo curiously, zooming back out when she let out a dramatic gasp and began excitedly smacking at your arm.

“Purple people!” you yelled. “Purple people!” she repeated it to Walter this time, which summoned him to rush over and huddle around your phone.

“The purple people took Natalie!” she explained with far too much excitement for your liking.

“Could they have taken Lottie,” Misty shrugged.

“I dunno, maybe. But only one way to find out!” She shoved your phone back in your hand and began aggressively powerwalking away with Walter tight on her heels. You hesitated momentarily before shutting your phone off and shoving it into your purse, hustling after them.

“Wait! Do you know where to go?”

“Yes! Of course! We found out from the other stalls,” she called back. “Get in your car and follow us!” she sounded far too excited for this whole ordeal, but what other options did you have to find Lottie? You ran back to your car, got in, and started with heavy breath ready to take the next step on this crazy adventure you found yourself on.

-💚-

After quite a bit of driving, they pulled off into a bed and breakfast parking lot and parked. You parked beside them and got out with a frustrated expression.

“We're not going tonight.” Misty rolled her eyes and she pulled her suitcase out of the trunk of what you assumed was Walter’s car.

“Someone,” she was heavily implying someone to be Walter, especially with the annoyed, flat-mouthed looks he gave him “wanted to wait till morning because he thinks the cult will expect us at night,” you gave her a look that asked “really” and Misty threw up a hand, shaking her head as she grabbed onto her luggage.

“I know! Trust me, I know, but captain’s orders,” she huffed as she followed Walter into the B&B. You paused, letting out an exasperated sigh before going to grab your duffle back and your plant. You hear Misty muttering about not using her real name as she and Walter get a room.

“And it's just for one room, right?” the concierge asked. There was an irritatingly comedic back and forth of yes, and no, then both of them settled on no, two rooms would be fine.

“And, um, you can put mine under the name Lady Mallowan,” Misty gave herself a name straight out of Clue or a shitty romance novel and you couldn’t help rolling your eyes.

“Seventeen and eighteen. Up the stairs to the right,” then went back and forth with thank yous as they clumsily took their keys, then started deliberating about luggage when Walter offered to take the suitcase off of Misty’s hands.

“Just one room under y/n l/n is fine, please,” you said simply. You saw Misty and her new boyfriend exchange an appalling look and you had to refrain from laughing.

“Room nineteen,”

“That’s great, thanks” You dropped your things upon entry, but gently placed your plant in its bed on the nightstand before collapsing on your bed with a long sigh. Of course, you'd need to get up and change, but for now, lying on your back in a bed that wasn’t yours was all you could feel like doing. That is till you got up from said bed and disappeared into the bathroom, returning with a small paper cup of water that you set on the nightstand as you sat on the edge of the bed. You tentatively opened the bag that held your plant and took it out, setting it on the stand to be out and in the fresh air. You gave it a light drink from the cup before you returned to the bathroom for a shower.

-💚-

You were woken by Misty’s knock at you’re door bright and early at seven-thirty and back on the road by eight after grabbing complimentary breakfast to go. It was a rather long drive to wherever you were going, but you once again found ways to fill the time. That is till Walter took a screeching u-turn that almost caused a car crash on a winding, wet wooded road, but that was a conversation for later. You pulled up beside them and followed as they now stood excitedly outside a green gate that happened to have a matching bee on it. All you carried with you was your tote bag with your plant tucked away inside. Why you felt the need to bring it, you weren't sure, but it felt necessary.

“The bee is where the purple people are!” Misty insistently explained.

“Ok, do we need to call them ‘the purple people”

“Well, yes, but that's only till we get a better name for them. But anyway,” without another word of it, Misty ducked under the gate herself and began walking up the road.

“Ok, we’re getting hit by a car if we do that-” you started but she shook her head.

“It'll be fine. It looks decently short,”

“Well what about my car?” you urged.

“Just lock it! Who’s pulling over in the rain to rob an unattended car out here?” you sighed with exasperation.

“I dunno, maybe people from the cult we’re actively visiting,” you mumbled to yourself.

“What was that!”

“Nothing!” you huffed, following after Misty and now Walter, who had started moving shortly after her. She’d been right though. It was a rather short walk with no cars. You found yourself in what looked like a parking lot in the middle of the woods blocking off yet another road with an even larger fence in front of it. Misty and Walter were actively messing with an intercom system that seemed to have worked as they excitedly returned to your side.

“Alright, so the man on the other end, I think his name was Jack or Jackson- anyway, he’s getting Natalie and she's coming to meet us here,”

“But what about Lottie?” Misty adjusted her glasses and folded her arms with a shrug.

“I thought we could have Natalie confirm that, because we know she’s in there-”

“You don’t believe me,” you interrupted as she began trailing off.

“Well, we do not want to be making outlandish accusations to strangers, I mean-” she got easily distracted by the sound of someone walking down the pebbled path.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Nataline started with heavy irritation.

“Oh, thank God you're safe,” Misty would have hugged her by now had the gate not been in her way.

“Safe? What are you talking about?” her attention turned to you and her eyes widened with further confusion “Hi, y/n,” she added tentatively. You awkwardly waved as she gave you a nod.

“And who the fսck is this?” she gestured to Walter now.

“Walter,” he simply introduced himself with a wave and a light chuckle before going on. “I've heard nothing but wonderful things about you” Natalie scrunched her nose, clearly not caring all that much about what impression Misty had given him of her upon first meeting.

“We're here to rescue you!” Misty eagerly interjected again. “I mean, you-you were kidnapped, right?”

“No. Uh, yes, technically I was, but it's no big deal, okay?” the notion that Natalie’s kidnapping wasnt that big of a deal was bewildering to Misty as seen on her face, but honestly you understood her reaction.

“Lottie sent some people for me, but I'm not being held against my will,” she muttered, twisting her neck as she spoke. “Well, not anymore” It was now your turn to perk up.

“I'm sorry, Lottie?”

“I told you she was here,” you hissed through your teeth at Misty, moving closer to the fencing.

“Wait- as in Lottie? Lottie, who was committed to a mental institution in Switzerland? That Lottie?”

“Yes, Misty, that's the one,” Natalie turned to you once more “I'm assuming you had your theories or whatever?”

“Oh, I’m not here with them-” you paused. “Ok, originally I was coming here all on my own, but we ran into each other, and well,” from there you gave up.

“Wait, Natalie, Natalie!” Misty derailed the conversation once again. “You're gonna have to elaborate,

“Look, she runs a place here, and she's helping me reflect or whatever. So, you and your Hardy Boy can go home,” she looked Walter up and down again about Hardy Boy.

“But…”

“I'm doing a fսcking thing here, Misty. I don't need you getting in my way,” she’d lost patience with the blonde’s interruptions and persistence and in all honestly, you felt bad for her given how she shrank back at the raised tone. But she quickly toughened back up, turned on her heels, and marched back in the direction you'd come.

“She seems nice,” Walter tried to lighten the mood. Natalie sighed with either exhaustion or irritation, watching them go before her eyes drifted to you, still standing in front of her. “You’re not done too?”

“Natalie, I need to see her,” she let out a scoffish chuckle and sighed through her nose.

“Oh, I’m sure you do,”

“I’m serious, Natalie,”

“Oh no, I can tell you are, don’t worry. Just- just give me a minute, alright. Let me ask my guy,” she began to turn but waited for you to nod before actually leaving. You stood still, turning to check your surroundings once more just to be as sure as possible. Natalie returned quite quickly with a man behind her. She shrugged, seeming surprised by the verdict herself as the gate’s electric lock began to unlatch letting you in.

“Uh, my car is still parked with some of my things,” Natalie was already shaking her head.

“We can have someone come and retrieve it all later,” Natalie’s companion started ad Natalie turned, already heading up the hill for a second time.

“But you're not gonna need it!” she yelled behind her. Due to her eagerness to leave the scene, you were left walking beside the strange man who let you in.

“So, I'm assuming you’re Jack or…” you drawled off but he chuckled, appreciating your intention.

“Jeferson,” he cleared.

“Right, ok. Nice to meet you,” you nodded, your hands clutching quite tight to the straps of your tote bag. “Look, I don’t mean to sound rude, but I’m only here to see Lottie not join your… well join whatever you're up to,” he laughed again and nodded.

“Don’t worry. She knows you're here,” a shive rushed down your spine as you realized what was happening. “I’m instructed to take her to you, actually,”

“Oh. wow, that’s just great. Yeah, great,” you whispered to yourself as you bit your lip, questioning if this was going to be a good idea after all. When you looked up again, taking a deep breath you were met with quite a beautiful scene before you. It was a nice, well-organized camp on a lake with cabins and what you assumed were social areas all around and throughout the woods. You paused for a moment to take it in and wonder, did Lottie make all of this?

“Charlotte is waiting this way, Ms. l/n,” Jeferson interrupted your wonderings.

“Mhm, I’m coming,” you had to manually tell your feet to move before you could follow him to the separate cabin that must be Lottie’s. He had already walked up the stairs by the time you approached the porch, taking a moment to appreciate its handiwork before trudging up the creaking wood. Jefferson opened the door but didn’t enter, only gesturing for you to go in.

“Charlotte will be here as soon as she can step away,” he explained as you cautiously walked in. You nodded, turning around to give him your thanks but he was already shutting the door, leaving you to your own devices. For a moment you stood completely still, watching the wooden door anticipating her walking in at any second, but after a few seconds of stillness, your foot began bouncing with building anxiety squeezing at your chest.

“Shit,” you hissed, turning to look around your surroundings and find something to help you calm down. You put your bag on the table, but take the time to take the plant out and set it beside your bag. You rubbed your sweating palms on your pants and began to wander around the single room you found yourself in. Her main space was split into a small lounge-ish office space with a kitchen on the other half.

You assumed the bathroom and her bedroom were down in the back of the cabin and with a craning of your neck you could see in one of the rooms but you decided it best to leave that be. Wandering around the office space you ran your fingertips over the edge of her desk. You peaked over the edge, curiosity winning momentarily before you restrained yourself, instead turning to the art hung on her wall featuring deer and other wilderness things before resigning yourself to the couch facing her desk.

You flopped down rather unceremoniously but couldn't help sitting stiff, hunched forward with your knee bouncing in anticipation. Your eyes trained on her desk again, which was mostly bare of anything decor-like other than the two small picture frames. You forced yourself to look away till your nerves kicked in again and you were back up and taking the large one into your hands. It featured a classic team photo of the soccer team back in high school, but earlier on during your sophomore year.

You chuckled lightly scanning over the baby faces your old friends used to have. Having something familiar to look at was relaxing, you decided. Maybe not the most morally correct thing, but this was an exceptional situation. So, you moved on to the small one, thinking none of it till she got a look and your heart dropped again. Pressed pristinely against the glass was an all too familiar flower, nearly identical to the one you'd been carrying for the past day and a half. Only this one had far more wear to it, clearly showing its age. It had faded in color over time, taking on hues of parchment brown rather than the vibrant purples you’d been familiar with. You traced over the shapes of the petals, likely dry and dusty to the touch by now over its safety net of glass. That is till you heard the carbon door abruptly shut.

And oh, she was perfect. She was sickeningly, stunningly perfect but all you could do was freeze where you stood, grip tightening around the small wooden frame in your clasp out of fear you might drop it if you didn’t squeeze tight. And she stood just as stunned at you. Age had encompassed her face all this time, but it was still her face. The one you had ingrained in your mind, so much more detailed than any photograph. You felt your chin begin to quiver.

“Please tell me you didn't hold on to that all these years" You had to force it out with your breath ad your brow bowed with the strain of keeping it together. And then she laughed. She laughed her laugh, now blossoming with the beautiful thing that is age, just as every other part of her was. She moved toward you as though she was floating. She took her caftan off so smoothly it was like the breeze itself removed it for her. And before anything else, she took the frame from your hands, fingertips brushing together only for a moment. She returned it to its place before shakily turning back to you, tears drizzling from her eyes as she smiled.

“How could I not,” she murmured with a laugh full of exasperated joy as though she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Her hands hovered over your arms as though she feared touching you would break the illusion, but with the way your lip trembled and tears rolled from your eyes as you held back a strangled sob she couldn’t refrain herself. It all felt so new and old all at once and oh, how overwhelming she was, her hands cupped at your face, thumbs stroking at your tears as you let it all go, sopping into her.

Just as she had years before she murmured sweet nothing promising that you were safe and you were here, but not only you. After so much time she needed the reassurance of reality just as much. She pulled you in, just as before and your nose found its rightful place in the curve of her neck as her cheek found your scalp. She held you up and close as your knees began to shake and you had to grip onto her shoulder blades for what felt like dear life. You needed to feel her to truly know that she was here, she was real and she was yours, as were you.

#fanfiction requests #fic request #◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ kay's at it again♡#yellowjackets fanfic #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets requests #yellowjackets #lottie matthews #lottie matthews x reader #yellowjackets spoilers

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hikari-drkspc · 1 year

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❅ “In The Name Of Love” ❅

character: yandere! shishio tsukasa [dr. stone]

warning: yandere, implication of m0rder, c0nfin3m3nt, poss3ssiv3 tendencies ; MINOR/AGELESS BLOGS DNI, PUT YOUR AGE IN BIO/PINNED POST TO INTERACT

words: 1.2k

a/n: this is a repost from my main blog (@/hikari-writes) so yes this writing is old + bad, i just moved them here w/o editing bc im lazy and wants to keep reminding myself how bad my writing used to be <3 also this was a request from my main blog!!

“Tsukasa, remember what I told you before?”

You ask in a monotone voice, looking up at your boyfriend who was hugging you from behind.

“I remember every word you say, love, but you have to specify for me to know which one you’re referring to.”

He holds you closer to him and you could feel his warmth seeping in through you. If this were you from 3000 years ago, you would’ve enjoyed his warmth and think of how lucky you were to have someone like him as your lover.

But now, it all just seems so…suffocating.

Ever since he’s been revived back by Senku and joining the Kingdom of Science, he has become more protective and possessive of you.

No, that’s not it.

He’s already shown that kind of behaviour long ago. Maybe you didn’t realize it 3000 years ago because you two just started going out but even before when Tsukasa still was in charge of his own empire, you could’ve at least noticed the red flags he was giving.

He constantly asked you to stay with him and won’t let go of you almost until the end of the day. Even when you were about to try to do something else, he would grab you and force you to sit on his laps.

His grip on you was gentle, but it was enough to make you stay and not move around too much.

You haven’t told this to anyone yet, not even Mirai, but you were actually…dreading the time when Senku will petrify him and revive him back.

All those times when Tsukasa was still in his cryogenic state, everyone kept encouraging you to stay strong and reassuring you that Senku will revive him back soon.

And you would always just reply to them with a wry smile and a “I’m fine,” so as to not worry them.

You originally had thought you were going to feel depressed about this whole ordeal too. But you never did.

In fact, you felt so…free. Almost as if a big burden had just been lifted from your shoulders. You were happy with that.

You actually even wished Senku never found the Petrification Weapon. You truly enjoyed the freedom that you felt. You wished it would stay.

But in the end, nothing ever stays.

Tsukasa was revived and you are back in his grip once again.

You hated every moment of it.

“About being too protective of me! I was just going to help Gen with some of his work. I know you’re protective of me because you’re worried, but can you please just let me do something to help others?”

You finally break free from his hug and turn to him. Your eyebrows are crossed, showing how displeased you are with the whole situation.

“But if I let go of you, you’ll definitely run away from me.”

Your eyes widened at what he said. You didn’t expect him to feel that way. All this time, you had thought that the reason Tsukasa was so overprotective of you might’ve been because he was worried…or maybe even because he wanted to have control of you.

You went quiet for a moment. In a sense, he’s not wrong. But to actually know he felt that way…it’s actually making you feel guilty.

“Tsukasa….I won’t run away from you, so don’t worry, alright?”

You wrap your arms around his large frame, successfully convincing him that you won’t do something like that. He returns the hug and pulls you closer.

“…Y/N, if you truly mean what you said, will you forgive me for what I’m about to do?”

You pull away and look up at him, confused.

“Sure?”

Not even a second after that, you felt your consciousness slowly slipping away from you. You could hear the loud throbbing from your neck after Tsukasa just striked it.

“W-wh…”

You mustered up what little strength you have left to let out a “What?” but even that has proven to be difficult. All you managed to hear was Tsukasa’s last words before you completely lost your consciousness.

“Do forgive me for doing this, love. You’re too pure to be tainted by this dirty world.”

~~**~~

You slowly open your eyes to see the darkness greeting you. You tried to get up but your whole body felt so weak and your limbs refused to work for you. You cursed under your breath and tried to adjust your eyes to the darkness. The place sure seemed familiar.

Then it hit you.

It’s the prison.

You tried to scream out loud but your voice only echoed throughout the prison without anyone responding. You could feel your heart beating rapidly like never before as soon as you heard a series of footsteps nearing you.

It’s not as if you recognized the footsteps or anything, but the way the pace is so calm and unrushed even after your scream of help convinced you that the owner of the footsteps knew you’re trapped in there. And they’re not willing to let you out anytime soon.

And who else would want to do such things other than your former beloved,

“Tsukasa…”

You hissed out his name while glaring at his broad figure towering over you over the cell wooden bars.

“I’m sorry you had to go in here, my love. Trust me, I don’t want you to be placed here either, but I have no choice.”

He tried to cup your cheeks in his hands but you quickly moved your face away from him.

“Tsukasa, whatever this madness is, STOP it. Do you think the others won’t know what you’re doing? Soon enough, you will—”

“They won’t. After all, you are considered dead in their hearts.”

He cut you off with those words and your eyes widened in horror at him. Your lips tremble and you try to hide your unease by glaring at him.

Before you could ask him what he meant, he spoke up as if he had just read your mind.

“I told them that you died. An animal attack, precisely. It’s completed with evidence and all. I did also get some helping hand from some people though. Couldn’t have done it without them.”

He stops for a moment to look at you who were frozen in your place and finally cups both your cheeks to bring it closer to him.

“This cell was built especially for you, back when I still ruled over my own empire. It’s located very deep into this cave, and no one would dare to come here.”

“You mean to say you’ve been planning to put me in confinement for a long time now?! What— I-”

Tsukasa looks at you, his eyes turning soft and he looks so melancholic. You almost snapped at him when you saw that expression. If anyone here is supposed to cry, it’s YOU, not him.

“I didn’t think it was necessary…until recently. When other people started looking at you as if you’re some kind of walking meat that they’re about to devour. It disgusts me so much, and I couldn’t handle it anymore…so I made the decision to keep you safe here….and wipe those people out.”

Your blood runs cold at that statement.

Wipe those people out?

He couldn’t have meant that literally….right?

“W-why–”

You didn’t even realize your tears were running down your cheeks until you felt Tsukasa gently wiped them away. He gives you his soft smile that you used to know so very well, yet it felt so foreign now.

“Because I love you, Y/N. I always have and will continue to forever be in love with you.”

#dr stone #dr stone shishio tsukasa #dr stone tsukasa #shishio tsukasa #tsukasa x reader #dr stone x reader #dr stone tsukasa x reader #tw: yandere #tw: confinement #yandere dr stone #yandere dr stone x reader

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haitanisbug · 1 year

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Yandere! Rindou Haitani x Reader

Cw: Yandere themes. Implied kidnapping. Violence. Mention of suggestive themes.

a/n: a repost bc I'm still rusty at writing and haven't finished anything new in a while. OOC rindou bc its sexy.

You step out of the shower onto the cold tile with a sigh of relief. It's not often that you get time to shower by yourself without Rindou’s suffocating presence with you. It's one of his special rituals, bathing with you like you’re some loving couple who live to take care of each other. But usually these shower sessions end up with you pressed up against the glass and Rindou ramming into you from behind. It's exhausting and you're thankful for this rare time by yourself. Rindou mentioned he was going to be out later than usual, and wouldn't be home in time for your nightly shower sex routine.

Deciding to take advantage of the peaceful penthouse, you plop on the couch and cuddle up with one of the very few books Rindou allows you to own. The exhaustion creeps in quickly, and you find yourself suddenly drifting to sleep.

The slam of the door is what jolts you awake. Rubbing the blurriness out of your eyes, you look over at Rindou walking in. He’s muttering something and you can't catch all of it, but you can make out a string of expletives and his brother's name somewhere in the mix.

His sharp eyes cut over to where you’re laying on the couch. Rindou strides over to you, ripping off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt at the same time. It’s aggressive, and his imposing figure looks even more intimidating with the dark lines of his tattoo peeking out from under his shirt.

“Get the fuck up. How many times have I told you that I don't want you sleeping out here when I'm gone? I want you in the fucking bedroom where its safer.”

Your heart sinks in fear. Shit, you think. It's one of those nights. When Rindou comes home from a botched job, he acts more callus than usual. It’s best to accept his angry advances in cases like this, and play the demure agreeable darling.... but even when you comply, you never come out of it unscathed.

“Oh. Umm I didn’t mean to, Rin. It was an accident. I won't do it again.”

“I didnt ask if it was a fucking accident or not, princess.” He grabs your wrist and digs his nails into it as he pulls. You go flying from the couch straight into his chest and his other hand comes up to grip your face. You can feel his nails digging into your cheeks too, and you know the indents will linger tomorrow. The pain is unbearable and something clicks in your brain. After having some semblance of freedom tonight, you snap. You start struggling in his grasp, thrashing your body back and forth until you free your face from his grasp and then push him away from you.

You’re both staring each other down, Rindou’s eyebrows raised in slight surprise that you managed to shake him off.

“Get over here.” he says. His voice is low and serious.

“...no.” you whisper.

Rindou’s eyes widen in shock at your defiance. But he gets over it quickly and narrows his eyes at you. “What did you jus-”

“I said no!” Deciding you’ve had enough of Rindou’s abuse night after night you steel yourself and speak the words that have been bottled up inside you for a long time now.

“You always take it out on me like you need to prove something! I’m sick of being your punching bag, Rindou!” You halt your ranting for a second, chest breathing hard. The words you want to say are on the tip of your tongue, and you know if you voice them you’ll be in big trouble. You’ve already said enough as is. But in your heated anger, you make a split second deciding to spit it out regardless.

“You’re weaker than Ran. You know you’ll never be as strong as him and it bothers you so much. Knowing that you’ll never live upto him. So you take it out on me! Like that’s anything to be proud of? Taking it out on a weak and defenseless girl really proves your strength Rindou.” Your chest heaves from your scathing words, and you try to catch your breath.

You see the change in his demeanor immediately. His aggravation turned into a fury so deep you freeze in your spot.

“i..- i didn't mean it, Rin. I swear, Rin im-”

“If you’re so fond of my brother I should have him come teach you a lesson then, huh?”

“No! Rindou, I’m sorry! Really, I didn’t mea-”

Rindou stalks over to you and his arm shoots out, grabbing you by the neck. Your apology is cut off as he begins to squeeze. All you can do is scramble at his hand on your throat. Your nails try to dig into his skin, but it’s useless as his grip tightens and you begin to lose air. You drop your arms in defeat, your throat tightens up and your lungs feel like they’re on the edge of an explosion. Rindou loosens his grip just as suddenly, and your body crumples to the floor. Through your choking and sobs, you don’t see him kneel down next to you.

“Look at me,” he murmurs. You still refuse to meet his gaze, heart thundering against your chest.

“I said fucking look at me.”

The tone grabs your attention and through your tears, you look up at Rindou. He looks calm. Unusually calm. His face is relaxed and composed as usual, but when your eyes meet his… you swallow hard. Sheer terror sinks into your skin. Rindou’s eyes are an inferno of blazing rage. His eyes are usually cold and barren. You know how to deal with coldness… it's easy enough to bring some warmth into him from his usual apathy. But taming a fire? It’s hopeless. You know you’ve pushed him too far this time and the regret of your actions lies in every hollow of your being.

His hand comes up to grip your cheeks and he squeezes hard again. The pain floods your ears. You have to strain in order to catch his next whispered statement.

“Say something like that one more time and I’ll make sure you never speak again.”

Too terrified to even sob, a small whimper leaves your bruised throat and you give a small nod. Rindou stares at you deeply for a few more seconds before he straightens up. He whips out his phone and dials someone. Whoever is on the other side picks up quickly and Rindou doesn’t wait for the other person to speak before he starts talking.

“Yea. I need you over here whenever you get the chance. I want you to tear the brattiness out of my girl.”

Your eyes widen at the words he spews into his phone, and your body trembles at your oncoming punishment. There’s only one other person he could be talking to. Only one other person was able to tame a brat when Rin couldn’t. Rindou has told you enough of the horror stories about him and your heart sinks at the realization. Not Ran. Anyone…anything but Ran Haitani.

He looks down on you after hanging up, all the fire gone from his eyes now. His gaze is freezing to the core. You know trying to bring any ounce of mercy out of him now has become a lost cause.

“You wanted to talk about Ran, so it’s Ran you’ll get. I hope it was worth it darling.”

#rindou x reader #rindou haitani x reader #rindou haitani #rindo x reader #rindo haitani #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers #tr fic #rindou x you #rindou scenario #rindou fic #woof #tj.fics

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iciclesses · 4 months

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cw: teeth (4th paragraph), blood (yknow, vampires)

Vampire anon I'm so sorry but it wouldn't let me edit my post so I'm just gonna repost it here bc I had more Thoughts!!

You know I've written some vampire stuff and I'll never truly be over Ghost being a longtime experienced vampire and Soap is a new vampire that can't control his wants/urges and they kidnap you to make you their new blood donor/pet/lover BUT

Now I'm thinking about Price. As a super old age, classy, sneaky, manipulative vampire. Just loves the thrill of seduction, he swears the blood tastes better coming from willing beautiful people than attacking strangers in alleyways (that's SO 14th century now). Him wining and dining you, taking you home, making you cum so many times you run dry. He can't stop taking deep breaths right at your jugular as the world spins around you. Smells even better to him when your blood is pumping and you're flushed from everything.

BUT I also spoke with Mhairi last night and the evil thing gave me wonderful teeth related ideas so here you go: Fem Gaz who wants to feed on you, she's got her warm hands cupped around your shoulders and her hot breath against your neck when you suddenly beg her to kiss you. She's chuckling, amused by your innocent desperation for her. But then once she's kissing you, your tongue finds its way into her mouth. Shyly licking the warm tip of your tongue up the length of one pearly fang and suddenly her soft hands are now claws, digging a vice grip into your shoulders as she keens. The sound coming from an open mouth making it sound even more desperate and wanting. She doesn't push you away so you do it again, realizing just how sensitive her fangs must be. She's trying to affirm her control over you, using her supernatural strength against you but you can feel her hips grinding slow, seeking friction. You lap your full, flat tongue against the previously ignored other fang and hear an actual growl building low in Gaz’s throat. Emboldened, you wrap your tongue around the fang but a sharp edge cuts clean across your tongue. The mixture of your warm fresh blood in her mouth and your whines as you start doing little kitten licks at her fangs has Gaz finally break. She tears you away from her, eyes dark. You can't help but admire how gorgeous she looks like this, lust drunk and ready to devour you. A curl hanging free in her eyes as blood- your blood- drips down her bottom lip.

#noel.txt #gaz x reader #price x reader #cw blood #cw teeth #two days in a row?? damn #also thank you mhairi for encouraging my weird ideas ilysm #fem Gaz

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kkyaka · 2 years

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Next Door

Summary: You're back from college for the summer, and your next door best friend became even hotter (I suck ass at summaries)

Pairing: Connie Springer x black!fem!reader

Word Count: 6000

Warnings: best friends to lovers, neighbors to lovers (?), accidental voyeurism, little bit of sexual tension, confession of feelings, fingering (f), virgin!reader, protected sex, multiple orgasms, handjob, blowjob, little bit of dirty talk (?), aftercare (i think I covered it all, let me know if I didn't)

A/N: Reposting this bc it didn't show up in the darn tags 😑. This isn't my best work, but I'm just happy that I finished it tbh. If it doesn't do well? Oh well. Lmfao, I just wanted to get this out bc I have so many more WIPs, and I was almost done with this one. If this doesn't work, idk if I'll repost it again lol

Being home from college means a lot of different things for different people. Some people hate it, missing the freedom that they had in college. Others love it, especially if they move a good distance away from their families. You fall somewhere in the middle. You still have your freedom, but you really don't have anyone to enjoy that freedom with.

High school wasn't your favorite phase of your life, but you were able to make friends that you're still in contact with today. The problem was that they weren't free to hang with. You tried to make plans with them right as school got out, but they quickly fell through, so you're spending the beginning of your summer wondering how in the hell you're going to pass the time.

With truly nothing else to do, you decide to unpack some of your stuff, and you push open the curtains covering your windows before opening them up. Opening up the last one, you realize that it's the same window that faces Connie's house. You falter a little bit in your movements as the memories flood back into your head.

You moved into the neighborhood right before you started third grade. You were upset and scared because you had no friends, and you were going to a new school. You remember the first time you opened the window, conveniently doing it at the same time as him. You were too nervous to say anything, but he gladly spoke up first, introducing himself.

You both didn't go to the same school, much to your dismay, but he quickly became one of your best friends. You hung out after school, during the weekends, on your breaks. He made the move much more bearable, and you don't know where you would be without him.

Although, it wasn't until you got to high school that you started to develop feelings for him. You tried to blame it on the fact that you weren't really getting any attention at school, but the harder you tried to deny it, the more you realized that that wasn't the case.

You never said anything though because you found out that you weren't going to be together much longer. He was older than you by a couple of years, and he was heading to college, leaving you to tackle the last two years of high school by yourself. He still managed to call you every now and then, which definitely helped, but it wasn't the same.

When it was your turn to go to college, you were going to a college that was a couple of hours away, and he was staying, deciding that he wanted to stay close to home with his family. You didn't blame him, and saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing you had to do.

You haven't seen him since you've been back, and you don't know if you want to. You tried so hard to get over him, but he's not someone that you could just get over. You shake yourself out of memory lane, getting back on track to unpacking your stuff with a loud sigh.

Opening up that window seemed to open the floodgates because it seems like for the past couple of days, you've been thinking about Connie nonstop. You've started to avoid going out of the house in fear that you might run into him. What would you even say? You wouldn't even begin to know how to start a conversation with him.

You tell yourself to just get over yourself, opting to just forget about your conflict. You open the front door, grimacing at the heat that's coming from the outside before walking down your driveway to check the mail. You're going through it, slowly walking back up to your house when you hear clanking coming from your left.

You look up, seeing the garage door at Connie's house open. You stop in your tracks, chewing on your lip as you wonder if it would be a good idea to see if it's Connie. You don't have much time to think because he comes into view, stepping out from behind his car, or more like stumbling out. You chuckle softly, watching as he wipes the sweat from his forehead.

Seeing him makes you question why you were even worried in the first place. You give yourself a quick pep talk before you head over to his house. He's looking through the shelves in the garage, swearing when he drops something.

"Hey," you call out when you get to the garage. He jumps, dropping what was in his hand as he turns around. The fear on his face turns into a bright smile as he walks toward you.

"'Sup, baby! I haven't seen you in ages!" You can't help but laugh as he brings you into a hug. "When did you get back?" he asks, keeping his hands on your shoulders when he pulls away.

"A few days ago," you say. "I've been seeing family and unpacking." Being this close to him makes you realize that he's not the same boy you said goodbye to a year ago.

He's gotten taller, a little bit more tan, and you don't ever remember him being this built before. You didn't even realize he was shirtless until now, and you swallow heavily when you notice. He's got a tattoo on his arm, and an ear piercing, and that crush you had starts to come back in full form.

"Cool, cool. You look amazing by the way, how was your first year of college?" You feel your face flush warm at the sudden compliment, almost losing your thoughts, but you remained focused on the conversation.

"Oh, thanks," you respond softly. "It was pretty good, a lot better than I expected. You look great, too," you add, and you sound so lame, but he doesn't seem to care, probably too excited to see you again.

"I'm glad it went well for you," he answers, and he crosses his arms over his chest, which makes you focus on his the way the muscles in his arms move. "Speaking of that," he says, and you're glad he changes the subject because you weren't really sure how to continue. "A friend told me about this show that I know you would love. And since you're back, I thought we could watch it together."

You feel so many things run through you at the thought of hanging out with him again, but you're easily accepting. "Yeah, I'm definitely free, so my couch is always open," you laugh, and his smile seems to get even bigger.

"Awesome! Well, I should get back to working on this car," he says, pointing over his shoulder. "It was good to see you again. Seriously."

"Yeah, you too," you say, taking a step back.

"And I'll be over sooner rather than later to watch that show." He sends you a wink that definitely doesn't make you melt, and you laugh as you nod, walking back towards your house.

"I'll be waiting." And it's not a lie because you literally have nothing else to do but wait. You get back to your house, close the door, and rest your weight on it. You try to fight your giddiness, but you let it out for once before you finally calm yourself down.

Waiting just made you even more anxious though. It was a couple of days before he was even able to come over, having things to do and catch up on, and you currently had the house to yourself because your parents wanted to go on a vacation for their anniversary.

You were close to pulling your hair out waiting, and you decided that a shower might help, thinking that it was the heat that was getting to you. You feel much more relaxed when you get out, walking to your room with a clearer head. You throw your towel on the bed, the specific clothes you wanted to wear in your suitcase because of course they were.

You're going through your clothes when you hear your name being called. You jump, yelping loudly as you quickly cover yourself, looking around for the voice. You look towards your window, your eyes widening and your heart dropping in mortification when you see that it's open.

"Sorry for scaring you," you hear, recognizing the familiar voice, and you can only see Connie's hand peeking out from his window. "I just wanted to let you know that you left it open. I didn't see anything, I swear."

"T-Thanks," you sigh, and you quickly shut the window and the curtains before you fall to the floor, putting your face in your hands and groaning loudly.

You didn't move for a while, a million thoughts running through your head, and you finally put your clothes on when you got over your embarrassment. Connie texted you later that day saying that he was free, and you almost canceled. There was no way you were going to be able to have a normal conversation with him now; your face fuming at the thought of being in the same room as him after what happened.

He said he didn't see anything, and you keep repeating that in your head, but it doesn't make you feel that much better. You take a deep breath when you hear the doorbell ring, trying to think positive thoughts as you walk towards it.

Your hands are shaking when you open the door, your eyes meeting a beaming Connie on the other side. "Trust me, you're gonna love this show," he says, walking in when you step to the side. You laugh easily, feeling a sense of comfort come over you as he sits down on the couch.

You sit down next to him as he pulls up the show, and right as he's about to play it, he jumps up, saying that you need snacks. You watch as he runs to the kitchen, and you look at the TV, noting that the show does look like something that you would watch.

He comes back with a bunch of drinks and snacks all in his arms, setting them down on the coffee table in front of you before he sits back down next to you. He's definitely closer to you than he was before. Way closer than he was before, and you can feel the heat coming from him as his body pressed into yours.

You're not really feeling hungry, so you grab a soda, popping the tab open and you take a long sip. You're secretly wishing it was alcohol because it's definitely going to be a long night.

The first episode has you pretty glued in, and you and Connie nurse your drinks through the first episode, but halfway through the second, you're focused on his arm that's made its way behind you. He relaxed further into the couch with a sigh, spreading his legs a little wider, and you breathe out slowly as you press your legs together.

You're starting to sweat, your mind starting to focus on if you should ask Connie if he saw anything earlier today when you got out of the shower. You make an excuse that you have to use the bathroom by the third episode, and Connie agrees, so you go upstairs while he uses the one downstairs. You press your hands against your face, feeling how warm your face is. You splash cold water on your face, trying to calm yourself down.

There's no reason for you to be thinking about your stupid crush that's slowly making you horny, which you partially blame on how much he's changed. You hype yourself up before you leave, taking another deep breath and leaving the bathroom.

Connie's not back yet, and you sit down, trying to recall what happened in the second episode. When he gets back, he's still in your space, and you notice that he's a bit warmer than before, but there's no part of you that minds. You ask him to talk about what happened in the second episode, and you both laugh when neither of you can't really remember.

He offers for you to watch it again, and you agree. He turns it back on, but this time as you start to get comfortable, he actually lets his arm rest on your shoulders. You tense for a second but relax shortly after, resting your head on his shoulder, which feels much more firm than you remember.

You can focus a little bit better this time because you remember some of the stuff that you caught before, so you're able to piece stuff together. At one point, you look down, Connie's tattoo catching your eye, so you poke at it when you ask him about it.

He rolls his sleeve up so that you can see it fully. "I got it last year," he says, and you notice that some parts of it look familiar.

"Why?" you ask curiously, and he laughs sheepishly as he scratches his head.

"Uh, you could say I was missing someone," he starts, and you hate how your heart sinks. "And this is her favorite show." Now you feel like shit because that was the show that you and Connie watched together all the time in high school.

"Is she a girlfriend or something?" you find yourself asking, looking away from him.

"Oh, no," he answers. "Um, I've liked her for a long time but I don't know if she feels the same way." You nod, but you don't respond, suddenly wanting to take shelter in your room.

"Well, have you said something to her?" You don't know why you're entertaining this, and you look up at him. Being this close to his face only makes your feelings for him even stronger, and you're just now noticing that his hair's grown out a little.

"I'm kinda scared to, to be honest," he sighs, meeting your eyes. "I don't wanna lose her." He doesn't take his eyes off of you, and you start to focus on his arm that's around you. He practically has you tucked into his side, and then you're thinking about what happened earlier.

"Um, Connie," you say, looking down. "Did you really not see anything earlier today?"

You hear his breath hitch, and you bite your lip as you wait for an answer which will determine what you should do with your feelings. He tilts your head up by your chin, and you have to remind yourself to breathe.

"Would you punch me in the dick if I answered honestly?" he asks, and you laugh, shaking your head.

"No, I won't. I promise."

His gaze drops to your lips quickly before it goes back to your eyes, and you fight the urge to look away as you wait in anticipation. "I probably looked at you a lot longer than I should have," he whispers, and your face falls slightly in surprise.

"Really?"

He nods, and you grip his shirt when he leans in closer. "Yeah. You're the prettiest girl I've ever met, I couldn't look away." You nearly melt in excitement, the smile on your face so hard for you to fight. "I'm not a creep, I swear. I haven't done that in the past."

"I trust you," you whisper, huffing softly, and you take a deep breath before you say the next thing. "I like you, Connie." He freezes, and you look over his face for a reaction. You're about to retract when he doesn't move, feeling shame bubble up in your stomach, but then he suddenly kisses you.

You hum in surprise before you close your eyes and melt into him. He brings his hand to rest on your neck as your hand grips his shirt. You both pull away to breathe, but he's closing the distance soon after. You moan, wrapping your arms around his neck, and he grabs your leg, pulling you to sit on top of him.

"I've liked you for so long," he says against your lips before he moves to kiss down your jaw and towards your neck. "Fuck, I've always thought about this," he mumbles, and you're so overwhelmed with the feeling of his hands running over your body that you can't even respond.

You shudder when his hands make their way under your shirt, and he brings his head up to kiss you again, slowing letting his tongue slide in your mouth, your mouth pliant and easily letting him in. You let him take your shirt off, and he stops to look at your chest. You didn't wear a bra, wondering in the back of your head if part of you "forgot" since you knew that Connie was going to be coming over.

"Shit, they're even prettier up close." It's like he's in a trance as he cups them in his hands, and the moan that you make is louder than you expected it to be. He rolls his fingers around your nipples before leaning down to suck at them.

"C-Connie," you gasp, one hand digging into the couch while the other finds its way to his hair. He keeps his hand pressed on your back so that your chest is arched into him, and you feel tears forming in your eyes. You've never been touched like this before, and you're flooded with so much pleasure that you're not sure if you can take this any longer.

He groans against you as his fingers work into your shorts. You whimper, your legs squeezing around his when he rubs circles over clit. You pull on his hair, and he groans again, using his other hand to roll your hips against him, and that's when you feel it. You didn't notice before, but you can feel how hard he is under you, and you're shaking from all of the different stimulations.

"W-Wait, Connie," you stutter. "Connie, 'm gonna cum--" It's like you're on the edge of the cliff before you finally fall, and your hands grab his shirt like your life depends on it. You cum with his name on your lips, and you don't know if he can tell because he doesn't stop rolling your clit between his fingers.

You pat at his back, and he finally stops as the last of your orgasm flows through you. Your chest is heaving as you slump against him, sweat coating your skin. "Wait, did you--?"

"I've never...no one's ever," you try, nearly embarrassed at your admission, and he nudges your head up with his shoulder. You watch something glaze over his eyes when he looks at your face.

You're still shaking, your body attempting to recover from something it's never felt before. "Why didn't you say anything?" he asks, rubbing over your legs before he slides you off of him. He grabs your hand when he stands, pulling you towards your room. He kisses you when he gets to the door, pushing it open as he keeps his lips on yours, only pulling away when he gets to your bed. "The couch shouldn't be where your first time happens."

Your face gets hot again as he walks into your room, and he gently guides you to sit down on your bed. "I don't care where it happens," you say, your voice barely above a whisper, and he has to hover near your face to hear you. "I just care that it's you."

The smile he responds with makes you warm all over, and he moves you further up your bed, trapping your legs between his as he slides his shirt off. You raise yourself up so you can touch him, and you can see the outline of his dick in his shorts.

You run your hand over it, and he releases a shaky breath before he puts his hand over yours. "You don't have to," he tells you, but you shake your head, moving your hands to the waist of his shorts.

"I...wanna try," you say softly, and he lets his hands slide off of yours, and you tug his shorts down. You move your head back when his dick pops up, and there's nowhere else you can look. He's proportionate in width and length, biting your lip in anticipation of it being inside of you, and you wrap your hand around him gently making his hands ball into fists. You guide him towards your mouth, and you don't really know how to start, so you lick at his head.

You lick at him again when he moans, this time a little more confident, and then you take him into your mouth. He groans, letting his head fall back, and you suck at his head before you sink down on him.

"Damn," he chokes out, looking down at you as he tries to keep his hips still. You bop your head up and down, going further every time until you gag, and you pull away, coughing. You give yourself a moment to breathe before you swallow him again, and he places his hand on your face. "D-Don't hurt yourself, baby," he tries to tell you, but he's practically speechless.

You pull off of him with a string of saliva connecting your lips to him, giving yourself a breather, and you wrap your hand around him again. "Is this okay?" you ask, and he nods quickly, putting his hand over yours.

"Mmh, just a little tighter," he says, squeezing your hand just a little more, and he shudders. "Y-Yeah, just like that." You watch as you both stroke him, and he sighs when you swirl your tongue around his head, and he can't control his hips anymore. "Shit, okay, okay." He moves your hand away, and you pull away, frowning.

"Was that not okay?" He huffs dazedly as he shakes his head.

"It was amazing," he breathes, "but I wanna cum with you around me," he responds, pulling you up so that he can kiss you, and he hums when he can taste himself on your tongue. "You sure you wanna do this?" he asks quietly. "We don't have to."

"I do," you say with a quick nod, and he smiles widely before it falls.

"Oh, uh, you wouldn't happen to have any condoms, would you?" You chew your lip as you shake your head. "That's okay, I have some at my place," he says, and he nearly falls off of the bed as he pulls his shorts up. "I'll be right back, don't go anywhere!" he exclaims as he runs out of your room.

You laugh as you hear him run down the stairs and then the front door opening and closing, and you fall back onto your bed. Your face hurts from how hard you're smiling, and you can't believe what just happened. You start to think that you might be dreaming, so you pinch yourself, and luckily you don't wake up.

You jump when you hear the front door close, and you hear loud footsteps on the stairs again. Connie runs into your room, closing the door behind him as he catches his breath and walks towards you. He has more than one in his hand, and you raise your eyebrows at him, darting between the condoms and him.

"Oh, no, don't worry," he starts. "I just got excited, so I didn't tear one off," he clarifies, and he tosses them to the other side of the bed before taking the rest of his clothes off. You follow suit, and after you do, you freeze when Connie just stares at you.

"What?" you whisper, making a move to cover yourself, but he's quick to pin your arms down, keeping his legs next to yours to keep them open as he hovers over you.

"Sorry, I'm just still getting used to the fact that you're under me like this." Your legs press against his at his words as you feel yourself getting wetter. You want to shrink under his intense gaze, and you close your eyes when he presses a soft kiss to your forehead. "You're so pretty," he mumbles against your lips.

"You already said that," you say, a big smile on your face. He lets your arms go in favor of resting his hands on your neck when he kisses you. You do the same, pulling him down so you can feel more of him on you, and you both moan when he grinds against you.

He takes one hand and trails it down your body, giving your tit a teasing squeeze before it travels between your legs. You jump when he rolls his finger over your clit. You can't keep up with the kiss as he keeps up his movements, and he pulls away as he starts to slide his finger in.

"No one's ever touched you like this before?" he asks, feeling his lips brush against yours with every word, and you shake your head, at a loss for words as he moves his finger in and out of you. "So, I'm gonna be the first to stretch this pretty pussy out?"

You nod quickly, your nails digging into his shoulder as he adds another finger inside. "Wanted it to be you," you say, not really feeling shy to admit it anymore, and he drops his head in your neck.

"Fuck," he sighs, stretching you out when he spreads his fingers, and you bring his face back to yours, the feeling of his lips on yours seems to ground you in a way. "You wanted it to be me?"

You hum your answer as you nod again. "Always thought about it being you." You watch his eyes roll as he bites his lips, feeling him shudder at your words.

He keeps his eyes on yours, and the look in them seems to make you even hotter. "Mm, I'm gonna make it so good for you." He puts gentle pressure on your clit, rolling his thumb over the sensitive bud, and you grab his wrist as you moan.

Your legs tremble around him, and you tighten your grip on his wrist when you feel that familiar pressure building. "I'm ready, Connie, c'mon." He chuckles softly, curling his fingers a couple more times just to tease you before he slides them out of you.

He sits up, and you watch as he licks over his fingers before shoving them in his mouth. He groans softly as his eyes roll, and you chew on your lip gently as you watch him. "Damn, you taste amazing," he sighs. "I wanna eat you out so bad," he tells you as he rips one of the condoms off. "But you don't mind if I fuck you first, do you?"

You don't know how he can still keep that playful smile he always has while being unbelievably hot at the same time. You shake your head quickly at his question, feeling like you're going dizzy from arousal. Your fingers dig into the sheets underneath you as you watch him roll it on, and you swear your heart is going to beat out of your chest.

You're so caught up, that you jump a little when he places his hand softly on your face. "You'll tell me if you're hurting, okay?" he asks, resting his weight on one of his elbows, leaving his face close to yours again.

"Yeah, I will," you breathe, and he holds his other hand up, pinky extended.

"Promise?" You roll your eyes, matching the smile on his face. Connie made it a habit when you both were in high school to kiss your fingers when they were interlaced, saying that the promise was stronger that way.

That's what you expect him to do, but when you lock your finger with his, he moves to kiss you on the lips instead. It makes you dazed for a second, but the split second after, you can feel yourself falling even harder for him. He grabs a pillow, having you lift your hips up so that he can slide it under you. You look down at the same time he does as he lines himself up, tensing up reflexively, and he shifts his weight so that he can rub at your hip.

"Relax," he whispers, somehow managing to keep his face close to yours. "Just lemme know if it's too much." He circles the tip of his dick at your hole, making your legs twitch, and he starts pushing in at the same time he starts rubbing at your clit.

You're thankful for the distraction because it's definitely more than his fingers. Your nails dig into his arm as you wince, and you reassure him to keep going; it's not painful, just a little uncomfortable. Once his hand is free, he uses it to rub over your body, continuing his motions on your clit.

Connie's head falls against yours as he digs his hand into the sheets next to you. "Oh...myfuckingGod," he groans, his hands moving to grab at the pillows by your head. "F-Fuck, you're so--shit." He tries his hardest to move carefully without hurting you, but it doesn't help that your cunt has such a tight hold on him, practically sucking him in without much effort.

He lets out a ragged breath, trying to shift his focus back to you. "Talk to me, baby," he says, lifting his head up slightly as he opens his eyes so that he can fully see your face. "How ya feeling?"

He doesn't move once he's fully inside of you, even though it's almost impossible, allowing you to adjust for as long as you need. "I feel good," you answer softly, moving your hands towards his. He grabs them, lacing his fingers with yours as he moves your arms over your head. You try to remember to breathe as your body gets used to being full in a way that it's never been filled before.

Being in this position makes you realize how close Connie is to you. You can't help but stare at him, feeling every part of him that's touching you. You think about how intimate this whole thing is, and you can't help but get the feeling that this feels right. You can tell he feels the same way, his lips meeting yours for a kiss that's deeper than the previous ones. One that says more than you ever could.

"You can move," you urge quietly, and you moan when he shifts just a little on his knees.

He groans in response, letting his head fall forward. "Dunno if I can, to be honest," he whispers.

"Why?" He can't look at you when he answers, back to focusing on how he's supposed to be making this whole experience good for you.

"Because I'll cum in a second," he admits against your skin, and you feel him take a deep breath as he squeezes your hands. You meet his glazed eyes when he lifts his head back up.

"I'm ready when you are." Your mouth falls open as you gasp when he moves, not really caring for the empty feeling you have when he slides out. You moan when he moves back in, his movements jolting your body with every thrust. Your eyes roll as you feel your toes curl, and you wrap your legs around him, not wanting him to stop for a second.

"O-Oh, God," he moans. "Y-Yeah...I'm gonna cum, 'm gonna--fuck me." You feel his hips stutter out of rhythm, a loud groan of your name signaling his orgasm.

You feel him slow down, but to your surprise, he doesn't completely stop, letting go of your hand in favor of pulling your leg up further. He picks up his pace instantly, sending your back arching as he reaches that pleasurable spot with the new angle. Your free hand braces on his neck, your nails once again finding home in his skin.

He hooks your leg in the crook of his elbow, his nails digging into your hips as he pulls you into him. "Your pussy's fucking sucking me in, h-holy shit!"

You jump when you feel his finger rubbing your swollen clit, and your back arches, pushing you further into the onslaught of your pleasure. "C-Connie! Fuck--" You can't even finish your sentence, your face contorting as your climax mounts.

"God, you feel so good. Shit, baby." You try to keep your eyes on his when he finally looks at you again, but it's no use. Your eyes slip closed, every snap of his hips sending you higher and higher.

Connie whines at the oversensitivity, opting to bite at your neck as an attempt to hold himself in for just a little longer, groaning with every thrust into your tight heat. "Gonna--cum," you rush out. "Connie, 'm gonna cum." It's really the only warning he gets, your body going taut, and your legs shake as your orgasm crashes over you.

It's definitely something you never felt before, almost scared at the number of things you're feeling, and you hold onto Connie as he cums right behind you, riding out your highs. You don't let go of him until he stops moving, not realizing how tightly you were holding onto him until he does.

Your body relaxes, letting you collapse onto the bed as Connie barely catches himself with his hand. You pull him onto you anyway, not wanting to separate from him just yet. "Oh, my God," he says around a laugh which you copy. He looks at you, running a finger over your face. "Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, right?"

"I'm more than okay, Connie." You pull him into a softer kiss, mostly because it feels like you could fall asleep any minute now. You hum into the kiss as he lets your leg fall. He smiles widely, peppering kisses all over your face.

You wince when he slides out of you, and he apologizes softly before urging you to move over. He pulls the blanket that you were on off the bed before taking it out of your room, and you roll over on your side, feeling more than satisfied. You hear him come back, only rolling back over when he pulls you to face him. He cleans you up with a warm washcloth before handing you some medicine and water for the soreness.

He grabs another blanket, throwing it over the both of you when he lays down with you, and you roll over so that you're facing him. He rubs over your body so gently that it nearly puts you to sleep, your eyelids feeling heavy.

"So, what happens now?" Connie asks, his voice barely audible to you, and you barely manage a shrug.

"What do you want to happen?" You move your head so that you can look at him, seeing that he's already looking at you.

"Well, I dunno if you could tell, but I like you a lot," he answers, "and not just for your body," he adds, and you huff as you roll your eyes.

"Does that explain the tattoo then?" you find yourself asking, and you think you see a faint blush on his face.

"Yeah, pretty much," he admits. "I was going through some stuff, and I really wanted you here. I thought it would help."

"You could've just called me," you say, your brows creasing slightly.

"Yeah, but you were out having fun, and I didn't wanna affect that," he responds, and you move further into him causing him to hold you closer to him.

"Well, now that I'm your girlfriend, you can call me any time," you whisper, the feeling of falling asleep right around the corner. You feel his chuckle vibrate against you, and right as sleep catches up to you, you hear it.

"I love you."

Your eyes close as you smile, placing a gentle kiss on his skin. "Love you, too, Con."

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